No.301876[Last 50 Posts]
Vent your shit here that is not deserving of its own thread edition
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>>301013 No.301878
>>301876Doing absolutely nothing for hours.
Feeling numb.
Just a normal wizard day
No.301879
>>301876>tried to do the whole /sig/ bit>working out, working, health, etc>stuck in dead end 9to5>get terminal illness>less reps than when I started>still alone with no friends>could've been a cozy neet>could've studied philosophyI should've listened to y'all.
No.301880
>>301879Dunning kruger is a bitch
I was humbled by life back in high school
I said no way am I dumber than a nigger im not going to remedial math in summer
Next semester I get worst teacher ever and fail math
Had to go take summer math with kids who can barely read so I can graduate
Ended up stalling the graduation process until no college besides community college accepted me, felt like I would be "behind" everyone if I wait a year.
End up hating college and dropping out.
Life ruined because I thought I was average.
Turns out I am way down in the depths of retards tier and it was all dunning kruger
No.301881
>have to actually give up pleasurable vices and be disciplined if I want to change
Fuuuuuuck
No.301882
I wish there was some hope in my life.
No.301888
Catching a cold while being depressed is so brutal, it feels like I'm about to die any minute from now
Last time I was sick was years ago but my depression was nowhere near as bad as it is now
No.301899
>>301880maybe the only actual proof of you being a victim of "dunning-kruger" is that you were stupid enough to allow lower measured competence in a single subject (such as math) to dictate to you your entire mental self-worth. that is exampled idiocy. that is without self-awareness operating under an assumed belief of greater intelligence. why must "being bad" at math be a sign of low intelligence? many profoundly brilliant men were not "good at math" but otherwise exceptional in their own studied realms. what of being unusually competent in philosophy, political theory, economic theory, music, classical languages, english, religion, history, logic? i have known more than a few "stem people" who are literal idiot-tier in these departments…to such a degree that it is embarrassing to hear them endeavor even brief discourse broaching the smallest dimensions of these subjects. you need to reform your understanding of which things make a human smart.
No.301972
I hate normies. I hate crabs. I hate wizards. I hate the whole damned human race myself included. I just wish you all died and stopped torturing me. You're disgusting and there is no forgiving you. Die in the boundless pain that you deserve every bit of.
No.301977
turns out, cigarettes irritate my stomach
my doctor literally told me to stop (in the stomach-related context)
ugh
No.301978
Idealizing philosophy was a mistake. It is an empty subject. Ultimately used by normalfags to appear smarter than they are by spouting lavishly worded common sense drivel.
Starting from the basics like Stoicism and Platonism you can see the larp of some egomaniacs.
Classic Renaissance philosophy like Descartes,Hobbes,Spinoza,Locke just sound like charlatan wordsmiths larping.
Hegel,Kant,Hume, Stirner, Nietzsche - all had a very basic understanding of the world. They were the bored nepo babies of today who would live in a mansion and make tiktoks or be grifter breadtubers basically saying nothing meaningful.
So now you just have a bunch of normalfags idealizing what they think philosophy is - (some super duper smart ideas for smart ((read:dumbfuck)) people such as myself).Fuck philosophy.
No.301982
>>301978>>301978Only ones I really agree with you on are Hegel and Stirner. But I've never read kant or hobbes.
No.301983
>>301982>But I've never read kantDefine "read'. Define "never".
No.301985
>>301983Oh my. I can see why you struggled with those authors. A dictionary would help you
No.301989
>take stims
>go lay on the bed
>suddenly heart rate goes up, start sweating like a motherfucker, get cold chills
>start seeing disgusting mental images and dreams, going from asleep to semi-awake
>there was an image of hell with people being constrained in torture machines while forcefully being kept alive
>there was loud banging and screams of WHY AM I STILL ALIVE
>there were different stages of hell with people being transported from one form of torture to the other
>they would eventually be turned into immaterial objects like pellets while still being conscious and shelved in warehouses
>after a very long time they would be destroyed and experience true death except for Satan and extremely evil people which would be tortured forever
>in real life thought i was dying, didnt go to the hospital
>stims wear out, go back to normal, disappointed i am still alive
No.301991
>>301989I don't think you took stimulants.
No.301992
why did i have to be born this world is such a fucking nightmare!
No.302007
>>301978I've engaged with philosophy repeatedly in my 20s, but the last time I remember where I was truly fascinated and blown away by it was when I was still 17-18. Everything after that was just the subtext for the conclusions I've already drawn back then, as I now realise in my 30s.
No.302008
Im fucking dying man. You simply cannot outrun, outsupplement or outtherapy shitty genetics. The inverse is true as well. Those "resilient" and "determined", "motivated" blah blah blah people? god tier genetics making them unstoppable. In truth neither of us has control over our situations.
Every day I get closer to actually killing myself. I cant I cant I cant I cant
No.302011
>>302008>The inverse is true as well.thanks for your support
At least I can re-supply myself with the supplements and real food now.
t. had been fattened cattle-style with "oy, slop…" tier food until hitting 20-something
No.302017
That's it from now on no more emotions.
No.302021
Owning a house is fucking shit honestly.
No.302023
>>302022It's not, all the repairs and property dispute shit fucks me off, I'm too poor to afford this shit. Never buy a property with shared access if you buy a house, it complicates neighbor disputes several times over if you do.
No.302024
>>301978I at least in part believe that philosophy is only an interesting subject for those who had a good life.
If you were screwed from the get go or experienced life off the rail track then you'll likely conclude a lot of the things yourself.
It might be because I only started reading on this topic very late in life, but by then (very late 20s), after all the rejection (parental, societal) and eventually surrender, a decade of rotting I pretty much had all these things figured out.
The only thing different about these thinkers was that they have a much better grasp on language than me.
Other than that, they provide a shallow look for those normal what their thoughts might be like if they got derailed at some point as well.
For me just trying to reconcile my reality with that of others already lead me to "knowledge" shared in these writings.
Might just be me being arrogant or my lack of understanding though.
No.302037
>>302023OH FRICK
>>301982Define "kant".
Context: German Kant is a noteworthy XX centry novelist from DDR
No.302038
>>302021but why would you buy a house when you can buy an apartment instead?
No.302049
Realizing you are ugly or unattractive after being single for 30 years is brutal. I always thought I was average looking at least. Also brutal to realize your self-worth is dependent entirely on how others perceive you.
No.302050
>>302049> your self-worth is dependent entirely on how others perceive you.It really isn't. Stop believing that.
No.302051
>>302049The only bad part about it is that people will treat you poorly and just based on your face assign a ton of negative traits.
Always assuming the worst of you pretty much.
It doesn't really affect my self worth, but it does hurt me quite a bit knowing this.
For example I'm not super skilled and the world is pretty much coming to an end.
Government gibs people judging you harshly due to your appearance or losing job opportunities because of the unfavorable perception compared to young handsome men and succubi is hard to accept.
This extends to doctors or any medical care providers. They will treat you worse or dismiss your issues because you are ugly and want to move things along…
Small things, loss of opportunities add up over the years/decades.
Being single never bothered me, but being friendless with no social net does.
I'll have no one to rely on even for a ride or something simple.
Let alone if my back gives out again and I'll need a cane for a month or so, or get to the doctors/ER again.
Sure these are a result of more than looks, but they did contribute in a major way too.
No.302052
>>302050Any normalfag can just say you achieved nothing so therefore you know nothing and shouldn't be listened to and ignored even if you have some great or even genius ideas. Everyone 30+ starts conversations talking about their wife or kids while you have to chuckle and say you're single which makes them hate you instantly and label you as a subhuman. People in their 40's are gen x and want to only talk about family/work or 70s/80s culture. People in their 20s are zoomers and have shitty interests that I can't relate to or understand as well. Life just feels like I'm drowning on the bottom of the ocean.
No.302053
>>302052Cartoon logic.
>Any normalfag can just say you achieved nothing so therefore you know nothing and shouldn't be listened to and ignored even if you have some great or even genius ideas.They can say these things, but they don't.
>you have to chuckle and say you're single which makes them hate you instantly and label you as a subhumanNo they fucking don't. What mud culture do you come from that would lead to you beliving this?
>People in their 40's are gen x and want to only talk about family/work or 70s/80s cultureYou're free to join in on this conversation
>People in their 20s are zoomers and have shitty interests that I can't relate to or understand as wellOh no! ZOOOOOMIES!!! Guys younger than me!! Better immediately dismiss their interests and personalities as shit merely for their young age and then go on to complain that older generations do the same to me!
>Life just feels like I'm drowning on the bottom of the ocean.And the only person keeping you there is yourself. Humanity isn't out to get you because you have yet to put your penis inside a succubus. Even if they cared, they're not going to treat you any better or worse. You're delusional to think they will because you yourself are ashamed of your celibacy and expect to be treated how you would treat a virgin man if you yourself weren't one.
You're sad because you're a virgin, and you've convinced yourself that people hate you because of it. Elliot Roger.
No.302056
>>302049It's not like I dreamed about becoming a wizard. But I did anyway. And the more I dive into the subject and realize in direct picture format my competition on all the platforms I made my last stand on, I realize I never had a chance to begin with.
I'm literally dysgenic and ugly as fuck. I'm not average looking like I kept telling myself. I'm quite literally a 1/10 and I have compared myself to the competition a lot. I was so delusional to even think someone would have sex with me unless I paid exorbitant amounts of money as a compensation.
No.302057
Sometimes after weeks of having a blank mind I'll get a burst of motivation and become interested in some crazy idea to bust me out of my hikkineet situation.
Of course it fades within a day because the idea is way beyond my ability.
No.302058
>>302049Been there. I saw video of myself after smartphones became common and I think I froze for 15-20 seconds. I had no idea what an awkward mess I was - not what I was used to seeing in the mirror (not great but put together at least).
No.302061
The cost of living crisis is getting insane here. I keep on seeing inflation listed at like 3% a year except the mince I buy has doubled in price in 5 years.
Everything necessary like power and food is going up like 10-20% year after year but I guess because fucking home appliances that you purchase once every 5 years are still cheap, there's no inflation.
>>302056I think ugliness used to just die off fast in the olden days because attractiveness and health have an almost total overlap. Ugly people are all unhealthy in some way.
I'm ugly due to mouth-breathing causing a long ass face with crooked teeth. I'm always going in for dental work, I had to have my nose realigned with a rhinoplasty. I'd have gotten an infection and would've died by now if I lived 150 years ago.
The world in the past was probably so much more beautiful.
No.302062
>>302061No shit. I have 2 hereditary diseases that would've killed me at 12-13 without medicaid coverage, plus I still need daily medication for it so I don't die.
I wouldn't even exist in nature considering I'm 37 now.
No.302063
I've been having weird dreams lately of these disgusting floating heads. They have these orange or brownesque skin color and they are hideous like the face of someone with leprosy or a very old person. They dont say anything, they just make these disgusting facial expressions or sometimes they move their mouth as if they are chewing on something.
No.302066
im nobody. literally. you even dont realize huw much nobody i am
No.302067
>>302061>because attractiveness and health have an almost total overlap. Ugly people are all unhealthy in some way. NTA, but yeah this is rather fucked.
I think about it often nowadays because my body somehow managed to keep it together for the most part until I reached my very late 20s.
Now a few months away from 30 I feel the reaper slowly sharpening his scythe…
Being born 1.5 months premature, I should have died at birth, should have died months later, should have died a dozen times in the first few years of my life alone.
Spina bifida, asthma, allergies, eczema, arthritis, heart issues etc. of course these are just the physical and not even an exhaustive list.
I don't even know what the point of saving me was honestly.
Like you just look at a kid that is born fucked and was supposed to die and you have dozens of people rushing to keep them here.
I mean sure I could have had it even worse…
The collection of inflammation causing autoimmune bullshit as of late are just the icing on the cake and the things I was born with are now collecting their dues as well.
It's rather sad that these traits keep spreading. Like glasses, how many people have them nowadays?
I would be basically blind without them.
This is just a minor obvious thing that is a result of natural selection being removed thanks to medicine.
I'm afraid of death, but I have to question if I really should be grateful to all those life saving surgeries I had in my youth at all.
I'm not much into lookism, because caring too much if you are fucked is just asking for misery.
One thing I notice though and I'm despairing over often is that compared to my parents it's obvious how dysgenic I am.
Shorter than my father and grandfather despite better nutrition, even compared to my sister I'm just about as tall hair pressed down.
I'm noticeably underdeveloped as if puberty stopped halfway.
I don't even care about the "bohoo can't find a succubus" thing as even that somehow never hit me.
I however have to care about shit day to day when I try to learn an instrument and have to realize it's futile because my hands are smaller than my sisters like come on.
How am I supposed to not despair when I'm reminded daily that I was simply not meant to be.
It's not like these things are the only ones that remind one about being inadequate. People remind you too, viciously during youth and then, thankfully more politely, though not any less painfully in adulthood.
It's funny when sometimes even dogs can tell that "something is wrong with this one".
Had a good rant about this nonsense. Thanks.
No.302068
>>302063country bumpkins
can be found among Japanese memes as
"yukkiris"
yukkuri.shii.org
No.302069
I'm beginning to feel like the walls are finally closing in and my copes are going to be taken from me. I don't know if anyone else is seeing things the way that I am but it feels like something bad is going to happen soon.
No.302072
>>302069It's not just you.
The internet has been steadily getting worse and in this year they have ramped it up into overdrive.
Mass censorship, sites are getting purged left and right.
Not just the r34/hentai stuff, but also pirate sites in general. Everything is worse, AI slop flooded every site that hosts any type of user content.
Jobs are scarce and they are disappearing fast. For an unskilled wizard like myself this is a major threat.
No social safety net either, manual labor is out of the question due to health.
Freedoms are being taken away fast.
Even the eastern shithole I live in is seeing migration now, the west is horrifying as the browns clearly eat the weak, and I am a part of the prey caste it seems.
I still had fun on the internet 10-15 years ago, but now everything is fake.
I recall the dead internet theory thread was originally posted here. It's shocking to see it come to this level in my lifetime still.
That thread seems so far away now, back then it felt so distant… and it's here.
The new stuff, new "copes" in terms of media created in the recent decade hasn't suited my taste much already, but now it's pathetic with the payment processors going full mask of in tandem with governments around the world.
Nothing new will ever be created anyways, AI has created a snapshot of humanity in 2022~ and everything after is just going to be a sick remix, a high end mockery of it all.
The lockdowns years ago and the endless wars now combined with the lockstep measures around the world have left me scared.
I'm genuinely trying to come to terms with death as that is the only thing I see in the future as the current ruling class ages out yet refuses to relent.
Top that off with the increasing number of obsolete "useless eaters" it's not far fetched to see a culling on the horizon.
The next generation is both hope inducing and scary. As much as young gen z people demonstrate heightened awareness and willingness to go against or reject the system and powers to be, they show the worst parts as well.
You remember virtue signaling on certain topics? I feel like generations prior took part in the wokeness, because of social pretense.
Gen Z, or a subset of them at least feels like the first generation to have genuinely internalized the New World Order thought.
It is a deeply ingrained part of some of them to the point where it is terrifying.
Not to say me or mine were superior.
Even if I were to survive this age of chaos and be part of the next era I'll be a serf at best. No agency over my life, perhaps no agency over my mind either.
I'm deeply afraid of death, despite never having lived, wasting my 3 decades on this Earth during what was comparatively a golden age.
Before it didn't affect us, or at least me directly, not to this extent, ever.
Now I can feel the demons breath on the back of my neck.
No.302088
The community I've been a member of since its inception (roughly 8 years ago) got popular and is now completely overrun with twitter zoomers, many of whom are underage. It's culture has greatly changed and I feel like an outsider there.
No.302090
>>302078Some tinfoil hats indeed hide something true
For instance, the trails with "chemtrails" moniker aren't normally made of avia fuel stuff
No.302091
Any of you feel resentful towards your family? There’s something’s I can let go because they grew up poor, but there’s things they did that are just plain wrong. It’s like there was no self awareness. I have a feeling im going to move to some cheaper place on neetbux and never talk to them again.
No.302093
>>302091Look.
>There’s something’s I can let go because they grew up poor, but there’s things they did that are just plain wrongI would have an easier time to forgive them, hadn't they been PERSISTENT
context: me mum is highly educated, but can't do X+Y basic math sometimes. And a smoker. And, again, PERSISTENT, as in keeping entering my door right after closing in because "I just wanna say", "I JUST! WANNA! SAY!"
I don't blame my schizo bro for being a schizo; he fell of a tree - got some untreated brain damage, I suppose - SCH manifested.
No.302094
>>302091I grew up feral as a kid. As in never taught to brush my teeth, sent to school without shoes, never bathed or washed, I slept on just a plain mattress and I just shown zero affection. I mean, absolutely -no- affection, I never remember receiving a hug or a word of praise, just constant degradation about how I'm a horrible child and no other parent has to deal with kids like this.
Funnily enough my mum moaned about her mum doing the same thing to her. Never dressing her for school and growing up poor. I see my sister just absolutely treat her son like shit so the cycle just repeats across the generations.
I just feel like my family is anti-social and lacks empathy, me included in some way, I just have some nasty and dark thoughts. Everyone in my family has large chunks of the family they don't speak to out of certain slights, and a lot are in prison for the most horrific crimes. The newspapers with my brother's final arrest (he made national news for his crimes) talked about his complete lack of empathy with clinical psychologists.
No.302095
>>302094>Funnily enough my mum moaned about her mum doing the same thing to her. This is the insane part where I was flabbergasted at.
I listened to my fathers and mothers sob stories many times and I'm shocked they aren't insane from the cognitive dissonance or idk how they avoid it.
Did you ever feel loved or love someone?
I'm sad whenever I realize that some emotions seem to be beyond me in a very weird way.
I can't be a psychopath, because I do feel, I just need to imagine myself as someone else in some made up fantasy scenario to experience certain emotions.
The real life avatar of me is unable somehow.
I'm really curious and like to read the thoughts of someone with similar issues/background.
Please share more of your experience, perhaps day to day, how you feel about people and how you navigate the world if you don't mind.
It would be great to see.
The world is very social despite what people claim after the advent of smartphones. This is a major struggle.
No.302098
>>302072Thanks for your reply, wiz. I am a useless disabled NEET and I live my life mostly online, not even through big tech websites that will mainly be affected but mostly just piracy and a few small imageboards. I'm worrying that govs are looking to funnel everyone into a centralized internet, not that it wasn't already like that but this time it's going to be enforced and smaller sites that can't pay fines or get spammed by CP are going to have no chance and will just be blocked entirely. I hope that I am just thinking of the worst possible scenario, but things are looking grim already.
>dead internet theoryI'm guessing that the constant AI spam is a useful tool meant to justify the deanonymization techniques they want to roll out, the cyberpandemic.
No.302099
>>302098Where do you guys see AI spam? I've never seen AI taking up more than 5% of my algorithm feed and hentai sites that accept AI art lets you filter it very easily.
No.302101
>>302099> I've never seen AI taking up more than 5% of my algorithm feedYou don't notice the AI you don't notice.
No.302102
>>302098You are spot on with the fines for not having the money to implement all the new nonsense laws.
The AI spam is insane on all sites that has user content like boorus too.
>>302099Sure, but it's on youtube, it's everywhere on the "normie web" as well. It's only not here yet because you either don't notice or the site is too small to have them.
AI is doing a lot of unseen harm as well.
The "big tech" AI crawlers are bypassing every measure to prevent crawling and are crashing websites.
They steal all information so if you had a niche site sharing knowledge, now they have it too making you obsolete.
Will you continue sharing knowledge to feed the bigT AI or will you simply stop and nothing ever gets shared anymore?
The attack on smaller sites, or just the open web in general is crystal clear.
It's depressing because much will be lost forever.
I'm also a retard with 30k+ bookmarks instead of any archived content… in the process of getting a NAS, but too many options leave me paralyzed.
No.302105
I think boredom is what eventually gets you in the long run. Depression and anxiety can be managed but I've never found a cure for boredom. It just gets worse and worse and worse.
Now in my mid thirties, I'm just so bored that it feels like physical pain. I begin to really see what "matters" in life. There are times when I'd give up everything just to be able to enjoy things or find something interesting.
No.302106
>>302105Similar problem here, but from a different source.
Somehow I'm quite fine just starring blankly out of my head for hours or days on end.
This is to the point where I often just have my eyes glazed over, mind in some fantasy land while playing a game, watching a video, reading.
I yearn for engagement, but the world doesn't provide. Perhaps I've seen too much already. Not sure.
No.302116
>>302095>Did you ever feel loved or love someone?Not really. I was pretty emotionally distant as a child.
>Please share more of your experience, perhaps day to day, how you feel about people and how you navigate the world if you don't mind.I just grew up in front of the TV and on video games. That's literally what I wasted almost all of my childhood on. My earliest memories are just watching the same VCRs on repeat from the ages of 3-5.
Around the age of 5 I went to school and started to make friends, and go over to their homes and refuse to leave kek. I remember being around 6 years old and I got sent home from someone's house, and I just threw apples through their windows while I was crying. Nothing ever came of it and they didn't have the house repaired for months. I guess they knew I had nothing to go home to.
That went on until I was like 9, I'd have friends be like "you're around every day, we just want to watch TV". I tried living anywhere but home. The one time I had a friend over to stay he was in tears because of my mum.
At school I was the worst behaved student in the class, every day I'd rack up punishments and I was one of the few to earn a suspension. I was just immune to shame and discipline. I actually just felt nothing as I was punished. I got bullied a few times here and there, and was a bully myself at other times. The one or two friends I had also came from broken homes or had problems, one I used to hang with talked about suicide at the age of 10.
I can't actually say my childhood was bad though. I was pretty okay as a kid and reasonably happy overall, literally spending 80% of it in front of screens helped on that front. I wasn't (badly) physically beaten, and all the insults and shaming I got mostly ran off me. I think unless there's chronic deprivation and abuse, kids accept it because they don't know any better. When I was berated badly and brought to tears, I'd bounce back and not care literally 20 minutes later.
Around the age of 12 I started dressing properly and wearing shoes (I never wore shoes before that). I started brushing my teeth, actually showering and bathing.
No.302117
>>302116Thanks for sharing. There are some similarities, some differences.
>I just grew up in front of the TV and on video games. That's literally what I wasted almost all of my childhood on. My earliest memories are just watching the same VCRs on repeat from the ages of 3-5. Overall, this has been true for me too.
I remember I had one of those pokemon cassettes with Entei(?) and those weird squigly line eyes. Watched it a dozen times as well since we had nothing else for a while.
I did overstay my welcome quite often as well for similar reasons, though after I kinda got ostracized in the village I just kept wandering around the forest (entrance was at the end of the street where I lived) all day just wandering around beating bushes with a stick to avoid home.
Despite the often physical abuse I'd say I feel the same about it as you do. Was fine mostly due to cartoons/anime on a bootleg satellite TV and vidya.
Never really cared about getting shouted at, just rolled my eyes internally waiting for the "adult tantrum" to be over with.
>Around the age of 12 I started dressing properly and wearing shoes (I never wore shoes before that). I started brushing my teeth, actually showering and bathing.This sounds crazy to me still. Especially the shoes part. Did none of the other kids parents call this out?
No.302126
>>302106>I yearn for engagement, but the world doesn't provide. Perhaps I've seen too much already. Not sure.And many think we're not trying. I go through games, books, I watch new tv shows, go different places (not many options as a NEET but whatever), try exploring different hobbies. It's all just stale, boring, seen it all already.
i remember some philosopher said something like "Boredom is the least pitiable misfortune". it's really true. everyone takes it like i'm a bad person who wants to be bored. Like I 'm just evil and narcissistic. makes no sense
No.302137
>>302126I accidentally realized the most stale and "overused" pieces of culture are "c&a" though - cute and adoreable.
Say, original 1979 Doraemon cartoon has a powerful retro feel.
So does Eric Coates' music from 1930s - stale, but its *the* stereotypical British string music you wont find on the shelves of "classical" music.
I think you'll find some joy listening to Alla Pugachyova - here in ex-USSR, here songs are "ugh… overused" tier, but if you don't know Russian…
Maybe, listening to Muzak's "40 years young" will also feel pleasant - they don't use Muzak Orchestra or "beautiful music" subgenre anymore, but if you look it up and give it a try…
No.302151
>>301876It's mind-blowing like nothing in my life goes my way since summer 2009. I don't consider myself a human anymore, just of lump of flesh trembling all day without any purpose or support. But I'm too much of a pussy to kill myself, so I probably deserve it.
No.302152
Another cold night, another sleepless anxiety from thinking about how I don't actually exist as a whole, indivisible being and will just perish when I die.
No.302191
It's a double edged sword writing about something which you experience first hand online. It doesn't solve the situation nor does it give you adequate feedback or sufficient information to come up with a solution. It might enhance your reflection of the given reality but that's not really much. Also writing about something and complaining seems weak and evokes feelings of weakness, it's a form of helplessness. Like, you share your thoughts but nobody really cares. You did not act during the situation that lead you to writing something about it and in the moment you write you avoid doing something productive to actually improve the situation.
Also, fuck this ni**** from a few hours ago. Wish I would have smashed his face to the ground and make him eat granite.
No.302196
It's so baffling to me how people deny the reality around them. I take comfort knowing people here seem like they know what the score is in life. Just some bulletpoints:
Consumerism with declining quality of goods. Shrinking job market with stagnant wages (also ties into:) succubus-centric culture, succubi in the workplace, feminism/empowerment, loss of beauty in the world, death of the male provider/male purpose and lack of 2 parent household.
Decline of escapism for individuals, every piece of media is designed with mass appeal and has to cater to every gender and ethnic group.
Loneliness from lack of real socialization and lack of a third place that isn't home and work. Not to go into the whole factors of the billionaires that control every facet of existence. Once you get unjacked from the matrix, there is no going back. Everything sucks, but hey we have netflix, labubus, and dubai chocolate.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hD53yiOI4jE&list=RDhD53yiOI4jE&start_radio=1 No.302197
>>302196>Decline of escapism for individualsman I would kill for some escapism. Only real option left is drugs… I spend half my time sleeping or pacing around my house.
As for the rest of your post, yeah life sucks and gets worse every day. what else is new
No.302198
>>301978You missed Schopenhauer. Actual normalfags hate philosophy and love soyience. They same thought process as you.
You're the normalfag here.
No.302200
>>302198>Actual normalfags hate philosophy and love soyienceNormalfags, especially college-age gay hipster retards, revere "philosophy" and the proto-pseud niggerbabble that prudes such as Schopenhauer spat out in an attempt to impress the lowest common denomination of street peasant.
No.302202
>>302201
This is not depression and breaks the rules (you're implying to want to be with whores). Stfu and get lost faggot
No.302206
>>302200No they don't. They just consoom philosophy memes from Instagram and pretend that they have read those said books. Just like you are pretending right now that you have read Schopenhauer. But you're not original I love soyience type normalfags proudly boast about their philosophical illiteracy so they end up writing bad philosophy.
No.302209
>>302200>prudes such as Schopenhauer spat out in an attempt to impress the lowest common denomination What the fuck are you talking about? You've never read Schopenhauer.
No.302210
>>302209You're clearly not too confident in your own side of the argument if you're sage'ing your post.
No.302211
99% of internet is goyslop nowadays really makes me depressed considering I spend most of the day online
No.302213
>>302209He is a failed normalfaggot. He has read philosophy by consooming memes.
No.302214
>>302213>consooming memesSuch hypocrisy displayed in a mere 2 words.
No.302218
>>302215life is suffering, it's a western misconception that we're born to enjoy life, we can only hope for a peaceful eternal end
No.302219
>>302215opportunity for what?
No.302220
>>302215>22 I don't want to be an ass about it wizbro, but I thought similar things at that age, now at 30 I wish I did something starting at 21. It's way too early to give up. It's never too late to kill yourself, but it's always best to do things now.
I'm developmentally stunted or something, born premature, shorter than my father, obviously oddly proportioned so something is for sure wrong.
I feel like I only gained full sentience at around late 25- mid 26yo.
If I had todays control over myself I would have made my life so much less shit than it is today.
If you are really only 22 then try to make things work.
I genuinely would kill to go back to 22.
Physical health first, financial safety second, mental health fixes itself with age through getting used to it.
At that age I recall saying this was going to be my "last summer" quite often, but things happen.
Don't kill yourself.
The issue is I was also waiting for this magical 3rd act you mention. Do you have trouble with taking action in general?
I do. I still do. I feel like throughout life I never learned how to take action for myself, only when absolutely forced externally.
So I wasted my life. Even during my NEET decade I barely did anything fun, I even kept putting off video games because it's too much effort to get into them, and they only get good once you have mastery over them without thinking much.
I never got an education only pretended going to college so I could coast for years on end.
I let my health deteriorate to an extent where my spine and neck are falling apart, taking the rest of the body (neuropathy) with it.
The third magical act you say is what I used to call my "improvement montage" where I magically send myself or my "avatar" on missions like on games and then poof I get results.
Never happened.
Now I'm 30 and have to slowly learn how to take action. How to wash myself regularly when time seems to slip away days, weeks at a single blink.
I'm trying to learn stuff like asking for meat at the butchers and the like.
I don't even know the name of most things in my mother tongue…
But it is a process.
I'm not going to lie I've been coasting at a job I lucked into the past 2 years. My first ever real job. I barely do anything aside from the 8 hours I'm on the clock, but barely anything also has added up.
I wouldn't be able to recognize myself from 4 years ago. So yeah I'm not trying to sell you on some magic. But if you haven't killed yourself by now you aren't going to do it next summer either.
Try to mitigate suffering and damage because one day you might want to do something only to realize it is too late.
It IS too late for some things. Accepting it is hard. Missing out on milestones at any given age is going to leave a permanent mark.
Once you got bent or broken at some place you are like one of those white plastic chairs with a permanent crease in their leg. Whenever you put weight on it, it will buckle again and again until it breaks.
It might return to looking normal but it isn't.
Starting from zero if you haven't learned things properly, having to go back to grade school level for some common knowledge is shameful, but necessary for some.
You gotta reinforce that plastic shit somehow. Will it magically fix you? No. It will make things less bad.
I really needed to find DESIRES because at some point if you are anything like me you just kept giving up on shit after life punched you in the face for even trying enough times.
Desires are necessary for taking action. Without wants if you are content rotting away you wont do shit anyways because it's fine.
But what is there to do? What do I want? are questions that kept me stagnant. I simply didn't experience enough to even know what I would want or like to do.
Some kids are sent to all kinds of camps and guided through hobbies until they find something that sticks.
If you haven't found anything then you have to go do trial and error like a toddler and just keep tasting things, keep seeing things, keep trying things.
Fuck enough ranting sorry…
TL:DR; Don't give in to these thoughts and rot away for 10 more years before you start. Things WILL GET WORSE. At least do the absolute bare minimum to mitigate damage until you reach the point where you are ready to take some steps.
Find yourself some desires. Some real desires. Not goals.
Even with maximum effort the level you might reach can end up pathetic. I'm aware. My juice isn't worth the squeeze either, but I'm going for it. I can kill myself anytime in the future.
You can too if the juice really tastes rancid at the end of it. Might as well do other shit in the meantime.
No.302221
>>302218That's something I've noticed about the west. This kind of "Stubborn Optimism". This refusal to ever admit life can be a misfortune. it's really sickening, and I mean that literally I feel physically ill when I see it in action
No.302222
you guys need therapy
No.302223
>>302215I'm 22 years aswell, wiz apprentice. I feel the same way. The worst part is that I had dreams. I remember being 13-14 and believing my actions were bringing me closer to my idealized future… only for June 2019 to come around and suffer horribly at the hands of horrible people. I was already struggling before then, but I watched my dreams come crashing down so fast. I came to accept what I lost just a month ago after years of struggling to cope, those days are gone forever now. I do want to commit suicide, the despair is too deep. I want to stay home, but I am perpetually crushed by the sheer weight of my agony. I go outside, and I suffer even more, being around a society of abusers and demons wearing human skin. All the media and anime are all the same, all out to get me and destroy/disrespect my values. Even this website isn't safe.
I'm fucking tired man… I'm so very tired. Being in stillness like a monk is my only option, but enduring the stillness is difficult. Painful.
No.302224
>>302222No real evidence therapy works. It's mostly the placebo effect + People getting better on their own as most normalfags have transient depression and therapists can't do statistics.
No.302225
>>302223Don't kill yourself, you can always do it 10-20-30 years down the road.
Stillness is fine, the pain fades just don't wallow in it.
Once you are ready start doing. Are your dreams now unattainable or are they just further out of reach than before?
Your write like you got assaulted or something. Sorry if that is the case. I had something like that happen when I was a kid.
Time is not always an enemy.
No.302226
>>302225I didn't get assaulted sexually (Im a virgin and grateful lmao) but I met people who were massive emotional abusers. In particular a guy I thought I could get along with, but was such an evil son of a bitch who exploited my insecurities to keep my subservient to his abuse and humiliation. That's what friendship is to a normie. I am 100% sure if I had stayed, he would definitely physically assault me like a standard playground bully that he was. He often took my money (he was my only 'friend' so I was scared to lose him).
I'm trying not to kill myself. The saddest thing is, I dont even wanna die. Even if I dont have dreams anymore, I want to be myself and do things I've always wanted to do. After this period of rest is over, I have hope that I will be 'healed' enough to start living, but sometimes that feels delusional.
No.302227
>>302226Friendships are insanely difficult and at that age, it's pretty much over it feels like.
I always only had 1 friend at a time in my life and even now I'm grateful for the current one. The guy is like a mirror image mentally at least.
The first one I had when younger hurt me in a similar fashion.
He decided it was better to be with the normal crowd so he set me up to meet, all my usual bullies were there and they beat the shit out of me.
It hurts, it's definitely a formative moment.
I hope you'll be able to move on and find a buddy that is truly on the same wavelength.
Some might dismiss your needs for socializing, but honestly? Even being diagnosed schizoid+tism I still desire interaction.
Don't hate yourself either for this. I also fear abandonment as it has happened several times already.
Some posters here made me believe it was wrong many years ago.
>After this period of rest is over, I have hope that I will be 'healed' enough to start living, but sometimes that feels delusional.It's a lesson learned for sure, but if possible don't let this affect your future friendships if you happen upon one, even though saying that is easier said than done.
You might regret having your guard up too much.
No.302228
>>301977Sames. I tried to get into smoking because too bored, just to kill time as a neet, not only I did not enjoy it after the first pack or two (maybe my smoking technique was wrong? No idea if that's possible) but it caused me irritation and reflux.
No.302245
>>302227>The first one I had when younger hurt me in a similar fashion.>He decided it was better to be with the normal crowd so he set me up to meet, all my usual bullies were there and they beat the shit out of me.It hurts, it's definitely a formative moment.
Holy shit. I haven't read a story like that since most millennials disappeared from imageboards and forums died. When the internet was just nerds, geeks, oddballs and other assorted outcasts it used to be awash with stories ranging from being outcast from in-groups to getting your ass kicked for being an outcast. You'd even have articles on big (amongst nerds) sites about it.
I've wondered why zoomers don't have this. I think zoomers have in many different ways internally reframed these experiences as something completely different to millennials.
No.302246
>>302245It was my final year or so of highschool when smartphones became popular and I truly believe those things reduced such violent abuse cases significantly.
In hindsight it was like all of them had their own pacifiers in the daycare now so they didn't bother spending their energy on me anymore.
I assume zoomers 2000s+ especially are born with access to these so I'd think they don't bother either.
A lot of my old bullies probably had too much time on their hand and absolutely nothing to do. Boredom makes these animalistic behaviors surface easier I think.
Perhaps they also reframed it, I can't speak for that.
It might also be that the forums you mention are long gone. I haven't participated in a real forum in I think 10 years or more.
Back then (in my experience) you had kids and 30-40+ adults on those forums (and mmos) at the same time.
Now where do you even interact with zoomers? I don't have discord nor do I play most of the popular online games.
Maybe we just don't hear their stories.
For what it's worth suicide rates are also rising among the youth ever since so who really knows.
No.302254
Another irrelevant post. I'm trying to kill myself today, 24 hours left. Voluntarily going homeless in 3rd world to push myself I don't even have money for water or place to sleep so I'll be forced to attempt. Finally ran out of drugs and when I stop taking them it's seizures heart attack stroke psychosis not to mention lesser things. Either way I'll be dead or retarded for certain so a final goodbye it is.
No.302256
my life is so comically bad it's actually kind of funny. i chuckle to myself sometimes when i think about how fucked everything is forever.
No.302266
Broken carfag here
Finally manage to scrounge the money for an auto electrician. Turns out there's nothing wrong mechanically with the engine, what happened when I swapped out the battery is that it tripped the immobilizer, an anti-theft security feature. And because this car is second hand and the original key with the microchip is long gone, and I'm using a non-chipped key, there's no way to disable the immobilizer.
The auto-electrician had to rip out the entire front panel to take away for a reset. I asked him if I could get the anti-theft device disabled so this doesn't happen again and he was like "well that involves going deeper into the engine and would probably cost another $300-500".
I fucking hate cars, I hate cars so much. As soon as this car is fixed I'm dumping it at an autoyard and bussing back home. This piece of shit has already cost me $2,000 NZ over two years.
But yeah, it turns out chat GPT is actually amazing at diagnosing car faults, chat GPT guessed it first try based on the information I gave it. The only thing is chat GPT assumed I had the original key with the chip, so it had me doing other shit like disconnecting the battery for 10 minutes.
No.302268
>>302267>Going through changesTimeflow and stuff, not anything rule breaking and filthy.
No.302276
>>302275Try letting go of the Abrahamic memes.
No.302277
>>302275There is no god, if an intelligent creator existed he wouldn't allow suffering in its creation
No.302279
I posted here before about having sleep apnea & being super tired all the time & that I had surgery to fix it. I'm now 2 months post op & as tired as before again. Thinking of killing myself now if I have to deal with this bullshit for the rest of my life
No.302280
>>302279Are you fat? I'm losing weight and hope it fixes it, but I have too many other issues that could fuck with my sleep as well.
Did it work prior or did the healing process take 2 months?
No.302282
>>302280>Are you fat?No
>Did it work prior or did the healing process take 2 months?I felt better the first 6 weeks, but that was when I had rubber bands in my jaw which kept my mouth closed during sleep
(keeping your mouth closed during sleep forces your body to open up your airways & it makes your sleep apnea less intense & give you less apneas per hour, so I think this is what happened but IDK yet because I didn't get tested again yet). I hope for you that you will be succesful with your weightloss & get cured of it though
No.302283
>>302266You are really unlucky with cars. I imagine some comedian could use your story to make a decent joke about it. It’s comical to me but I get your frustration man.
No.302284
>>302282>was when I had rubber bands in my jaw Horrifying.
Maybe it's a temporary setback. How did you gauge things before? Just general feelings?
Have you had one of those darth vader machines before or do you currently use one?
Hope for the best for you too man.
No.302285
>>302284>How did you gauge things before? Just general feelings?Yes
>Have you had one of those darth vader machines before or do you currently use one?Had one & it was impossible for me to fall asleep with it.
>Hope for the best for you too man.Thank you
No.302287
I have no skills, no health and no job. I keep numbing my mind with browsing all day. All is rotting away.
No.302288
>>301989Holy fuck. This is literal hell
No.302289
>>302287Same…
Despite the degradation of my spine and neck causing major pain, numbness, neuropathy I'm still unable to force myself to take the action necessary to "improve".
It is a weird thing to watch myself decline so much over the years like it's non of my business.
I can't even begin to imagine what it would take or how I would go about taking action though.
No.302291
>>302285This is nightmare fuel. I’m pretty sure I have it but I gotta do a sleep study in December. Can’t even cope since I’m always tired.
No.302292
>>302287The worst part is I've tried multiple times to get out of this situation and it never works. Like I have to exert 1000000 billion units of effort 1 move 1 unit forward. Meanwhile normalfags exert 1 unit of effort and move 10000 units forward.
No.302293
>>302292normies happen to have rich dads sometimes tho
No.302299
>>302294Not that anon, but people really overestimate personal agency and the correlation of effort+ability to outcome.
This is mostly because of the memes coming from the US/west in the past decades.
I come from meager means, my father is pretty much the only skilled individual in my entire lineage due to mostly life circumstance.
Since he was an abusive absent fag before and after divorce I basically had to make my own way without him.
Yet despite my best efforts, all the achievements I have came as a result of his intervention.
A short internship I got through someone he knew that resulted in me getting my first job later on and a drivers license I only passed because again, the instructor was his friend so they arranged it so even an anxious retard could pass.
Non of my own efforts really panned out. Not like I had much to give or much drive to begin with, but I'm an abject failure.
The only difference is most normies have normal households and social networks to rely on on a greater scale than most of us can even imagine.
Someone I know close to me has a great personal social net and the day they started a hobby (handicraft related) just by posting on social media a lot of locals and her friends and families (wealthy nato people included) started ordering and buying them for quite a bit.
This keeps the motivation going for the average normies, because their efforts are rewarded.
Realistically, if you are this guy:
>>302287 have you ever taken a good long look at your family?
If they are all successful and you are the only failure, why is that? Why did nobody bother helping you?
If you happen to be raised by a single mother who works a backbreaking factory job with no time for anything else and she can't help with much, all she can impart is how to keep your head down and anxiety, then do you really think you could have pulled yourself up by your bootstraps?
Failure is generational and honestly more your lineage+environment than anything you contributed to what you call your life.
No.302300
>>302299> Why did nobody bother helping you?My parents do not want to help me, at all. They guilt trip me into working for them and then refuse to pay me because I'm NEET. They won't give me help finding a job or really doing anything they don't approve of.
Deep down I think they want me to fail. I desperately want to get away from them but they've basically set up a tar pit so I can't even have a hope of leaving.
But the real thing i'm speaking about is mental. Normalfags have normal executive functioning(due to genetics) and I do not. I would legitimately give up a leg at the waist to have normal executive functioning.
No.302301
>>302300>I would legitimately give up a leg at the waist to have normal executive functioning.Yeah I have to agree with you on this part.
I'm slowly getting there, by peeling off every part of what resulted in me, my thoughts and behavior.
Is this lack of executive function really genetic? My father has ADHD, yet thrives, I'm the same, yet I do not.
I refuse to believe that the only way forward is meth.
As for the first thing, about your parents, it really helped me gain some sort of epiphany once both parents described their childhoods in great detail.
I could tell how one trauma shaped the next tormentor that then shaped me and so it could go back the chain for quite a while. I always suspected this, but having it laid out helped.
Consider why they are what they are, realize that normies are beyond changing and move from there.
This sounds like basic, bullshit advice if it even qualifies as that.
Again, I'm not at the "made it out of the tar pit" stage quite yet, but I'm starting to see the way forward.
What helped for me personally is being exposed to eastern thoughts and sensibilities through mostly Chinese novels and their version of manga.
Childish as that may be.
I believe it is much more suitable to the likes of us compared to western/abrahamic stuff many of us default to.
No.302302
>>302301>I'm slowly getting there, by peeling off every part of what resulted in me, my thoughts and behavior.yeah man I'm using crystals to re-align my chakras and it's really helping. Have you heard of Homeopathy?
No.302303
>>302302How about you just go off yourself?
I don't understand which part of examining the cause and effect of aspects of your life.
If you don't even know why you are such a mouthbreathing chimp then how do you expect to ever change?
Why are you even here if you are nothing but normal cattle?
No.302305
>>302304No criticism was provided. Chart also assumes someone somehow cares about social points on a completely anonymous site?
My reaction is to your lack of any contribution.
I'm in awe that someone sits here ready to take a shit and giggle to themselves.
Congrats retard.
No.302323
>>302305you type like a retard holy shit go back to where you came from
No.302335
I can't cope with being a paria at my work any longer. After almost three years of wageslaving it's finally time to go down the NEET route I guess. I was naive enough to think getting a job would magically transform me into a normie, but it didn't. If anything my mental health has detoriated even further throughout my time here, because I'm being reminded daily how vastly inferior I am to everyone else around me.
No.302336
>>302323Halth! for i am here da retardwizard!
No.302362
>>302304this flowchar lacks some exit driveways.
say, one can get deeper into "shit we heard before" about vitamins
one can also ask other wizards what has helped to regain SOME composure, at least
and so one
No.302363
ok, lemme normie you with sum funny advice
>>302287normie advice: use podcasts dammit! You can listen to podcasts while phoneplaying.
also, get "reading glasses" to leer at a modern FullHD smartphone.
No.302364
>>301989ogh boi
they say schizophers suffer from "oneiroid nightmares" which feature a similar awful scary shit.
but, at least, you only had it while full of stims, not randomly. Kinda… lucky you.
No.302365
>>302363I don't know why but podcast information doesn't stick in my head.
I have trouble reading as I get off track, get up and fantasize about the book or related stuff, walk around etc every few sentences, but still the information is retained much better reading.
No.302366
Chemotherapy was years ago and now I have dizziness, narcolepsy, terrible short term memory and random emotional outbursts. Feels like I lost 40% of my brain power.
"but it will go away!!" said my fucking oncologist. yeah it didn't I want to wring your neck faggot.
No.302367
>>302287I have started studying introductory math textbooks after years of rotting and it makes me realize how untalented I am and how my progress is too slow for me to ever achieve anything remarkable. It only makes me realize that even if I am not wasting my time on entertainment there's no success story for me to be in. I am mediocre and the maximum limit of my potential is probably something like getting an above average white collar job. There's no finding your calling or life mission. Every path I can take leads to slavery.
No.302368
>>302367Interesting.
I was thinking of using math as my crutch into somehow slowly working my way out of the brainrot.
Math was the thing that filtered me in college, but realistically I didn't put in a shred of effort starting from highschool.
I thought if I work myself through k-12 books and then stuff like calculus and linear algebra I would have a foundation to build on.
At least a less damaged brain.
Now your story scares me. Though I have to agree, even after a magical improvement montage I don't see myself living a good life.
No.302375
>>302366Doctors have no clue of what medication actually does, they receive orders from big pharma
No.302376
>>302368At least it's fun if you don't have low self-esteem and you're not worried about performance or the future. At least I think I may have found an actual hobby now.
No.302378
>>302375It's remarkable how dumb doctors are about their field. They're basically electricians but about medicine.
No.302388
>>302375Agreed. I was warned multiple times by the pharmacist that some med combo I was prescribed is lethal so they wont give it to me unless I get another note.
Go back to the doctor and they said "oh well then don't take it".
They don't give a shit.
They prescribe the most insane organ shredding pain killers and nerve numbers or whatever the hell and they don't care about the results.
Actually watched one of those pharma agents go into the doctors office (skipping the line that whore) with a bunch of pamphlets and whatnot.
20 minutes later guess what I was shilled? The exact same nerve medication that bitch was there to shill.
I don't know how this pharma connection works here, must be different from the US, but that memory combined with the many incidents like the one above (lethal med combo) has me doubting them ever since.
During covid I was there trying to get a doctors note for work absence since I had to go to the ER that weekend… anyways some government chick walks in…
Why is it always succubi in these positions btw?
The government chick complains to the doctor that not enough of the newly ordered covid vax is being used (in front of me, I'm still sitting there with a bloodpressure cuff on me) and how unfortunate that is.
Note this was in like 2024 when covid wasn't a thing anymore and I was never vaxxed because I never left my home anyways at the time so why bother?
Anyways next thing you know doctor says in a funny manner that they'll use one for me then since I'm already there etc.
The nurse just gives me a stack of papers to waive all kinds of rights to sign without a word or telling me what it is.
I of course told them to fuck off as politely as possible and left with my papers, but the doctor got so mad at me the old man turned red.
Idk man… had so many weird interactions with doctors because I didn't take the vaccine too at the time.
Had to get a minor surgery (just some abscess cyst thing needed to be drained and closed) and they flipped out that I wasn't vaccinated like I'd murder them.
I told them what the issue would even be as I'm the only one in danger here, the doc and all the nurses were vaccinated so who cares?
Of course they fucking scream at me calling me an idiot and whatnot.
Okay bro…
Ironically my aunt and co had signed up for the vaccine (fathers sister is aunt right? idk) and she ended up collapsing on the way home.
Had some blood cloth in her brain that needed surgery, but was left paralyzed on one side for life.
Had a heart attack later on.
I already had some kind of heart inflammation at the time so I'd probably die from it too if I had taken it I'm sure. Based on random chan stuff I read.
TL:DR; Doctors can't be trusted if they don't absolutely align with common sense.
I had more success following youtube tutorials for spine stuff and the like than going to doctors for years.
If it's not some standard textbook issue you are having you better pray you find a Dr. that gives a fuck.
Most just push you along.
>>302366Make sure your cancer is 100% gone too. These retards can't be trusted even with that.
I've known a succubus from across the road who was "cured" and after the covid situation they noticed that the cancer was back and she was gone in 2 months…
I wish I had anything positive to say.
Mom has similar issues as you describe and nothing seems to work.
No.302393
I am such an unpleasant and bitter piece of shit to be around. Normalfags always turn against me after some time.I think I am the problem. Fuck
No.302394
>>302388>Make sure your cancer is 100% gone tooI've skipped my follow up scans. I don't give a shit about living on this wretched earth.
But I appreciate the sentiment wizanon.
No.302419
feels like games are boring, anime/tv is too hard to sit thru patiently, biking has too many hills,- only fun thing left stuck in a room is gymnastics i guess…..is this brain rot maxxing?
No.302422
>>302401hmmmmm?
whats their schedule?
because you probably live in a room thats too sunny
cheap "blackout" curtains may help you to adapt then
No.302426
>>302419all media has become soulless
No.302450
>>302419>sit patientlyYou know, you don't have to. You put on some background stuff to watch mindlessly/while doing chores, that's why they make "trash" sometimes
https://wizchan.org/jp/res/40464.html No.302464
>>302419>brain rot maxxingIt is genuinely amazing how limited *collectively* zoomer vocabulary has become.
>>302246>Maybe we just don't hear their stories.Maybe. I mean, everything gets absorbed into the mainstream/monoculture so fast it's hard to tell. Like how everybody now is somehow autistic (or "neurodivergent" a word that has similar origins to all the neo-pronouns that first appeared on tumblr) despite not being diagnosed or even displaying traits of any sort of mental defect/illness/abnormality.
No.302476
>>302475
Ew you fucking faggot. Self harm is the most transvestite thing you can do.
No.302481
>>302464That only applies in the west and only upper middle class whites/asians.
Like Silicon Valley where selective breeding (succubi choosing highly salaried autists) has lead to the prevalence of autism skyrocketing in kids living in that area to 15x higher than the general population.
No such problem in Brazil or Uganda.
No.302483
>>302481based and neurodiversitypilled
No.302484
>>302475
I don't need to hurt myself in comical ways since I'm already in pain 24/7.
Why would you ever want to do this? Attention?
It's clear you don't really want to either with how minor it is. (This is not me egging you on, do not do any further self harm.)
No.302497
>>302481>Like Silicon Valley where selective breeding (succubi choosing highly salaried autists) has lead to the prevalence of autism skyrocketing in kids living in that area to 15x higher than the general population.I was thinking more along the lines of how normalfags pick up labels to make themselves special (I used to know a co-worker who'd claim they're a introverted loner but he'd literally dance on the shop floor making a spectacle of himself), but it's an interesting theory.
No.302515
I thought I posted a thoughtful and reasonable post on /pol/ but it made people angry for some reason and they ganged up on me calling me a retard lol
No.302516
>>302515That entire site is just bots talking to bots. Probably fewer than 1 in 10 posts are made by a human.
No.302517
>>302516I wonder how many people are real here with the amount of non-engagement and similar shit flinging.
No.302541
>>302540fuck my crab life
No.302542
>>302540Anonymity is a curse and a blessing at the same time.
No.302552
I feel sick that the norman scum are appropriating our chan culture to socially elevate themselves even further by being le edgy or media literate whatever. Only thing we were allowed to have and they snatched this too away from us.
No.302554
>>302553Suicide is an act of self-determination, there is nothing wrong with it, forcing someone to live is torture.
In the ideal society there would be suicide cabins available for everyone.
No.302560
>>302540>I just realized unless you count bots, it's just me and 6 other posters day in day outIt's 7
regards, a newcomer
No.302565
>>302554i think normies dont like suicide because it offers an escape from being a wageslave, the medical system, social hierarchies and so on. Completely opting out
No.302579
>>302565Normies are more stupid than insects, even bees commit suicide if they feel threatened.
No.302580
>>301989You're supposed to take stims when doing something useful, trying to snooze with them is a bad idea.
No.302599
>>302594>>302594aaaaaand thats why they banned sewerslide depictions in my country…
undiagnozed autists
No.302616
>>302599Because they want autists to commit suicide?
No.302620
>>302616more like they want a bunch of people not end up as a sewerslide statistics.
not sure about cripple statistics
No.302633
>>302620The arguments on the right stop you from commiting suicide if you're an autist, though.
No.302638
Shouted at my neighbor for being a loud inconsiderate prick like he always is
Felt good actually, but I am worried because I usually end up facing consequences for standing up for myself
No.302642
succubus talked to me
meltdown
no words
No.302643
Ever since I woke up after a few hour nap my heartrate has been all over the place for hours.
BP is fine, but heart rate even stationary with minimal movement goes way up for whatever reason.
I pray nothing happens and I don't need to go the ER again… I hate this shit so much. Had a pretty good day until this too for once.
>>302640>I secretly feel a sense of unease when things in my life are going unusually right, it feels unnatural. Yeah it sucks pretty bad. Every time something good happens I'm starting to get nervous too.
I'm more used to being an edge case in many instances with absurd bad luck. These couple days of break from work really isn't starting off on a good note.
No.302645
>>302638He's going to rape you anon
No.302646
I feel like there are weights all over my body and it takes a huge amount of effort just to move
No.302734
Anyone else think they're at risk of running amok? Part of the reason I remain a shut-in is because if I have a particularly humiliating experience wagecucking, I'll just snap.
No.302736
>>302246>For what it's worth suicide rates are also rising among the youth ever since so who really knows.Zoomer outcasts are the first generation I know to admire their bullies.
No.302737
Wow chatgpt can solve so many of my problems, it's over for midwits
No.302740
Ever since I started taking drugs again I've been way more depressed than I was before. But I don't want to quit because this shit also helps me cope with things & function better. I feel sad
No.302741
>>302736Can't blame them, warrior like qualities result in a generally more enjoyable life so of course they are desirable.
I'm trying to embody some of those too in my 30s.
No.302742
>>302246>For what it's worth suicide rates are also rising among the youth ever since so who really knows.Physical bullying is less but smartphone bullying is pretty bad. There's a permancy and pan-opticon effect that really fucks with people's perception. If you got brutalized and humiliated in the past, it become forgotten about and distant rumors just a few years later. Now people can store video recordings of you at your lowest and most vulnerable moments and they're there forever. Filming people for online clout is part of the aggression.
I've noticed in my lifetime the most shitty people consume humiliation slop constantly on social media in the break-rooms and the like. They'll actually watch videos of people being publicly humiliated like it's entertainment and learn pointers. I do think it's not as bad as people intuitively feel it is, but we're running on outdated hardware and our mentality is still wired around being in tribes. There's been a few kiwifarms suicides over their articles.
So while bullying is on the decrease, the consequences for it are a lot worse. People are sort of introverted because of this pan-opticon effect of modern technology. It selects for very feminine backbiting behavior.
No.302743
>>302742Thank you for this perspective.
There have been several instances of absolutely brutal humiliation I have suffered that I know for a fact if recorded and shared I would have killed myself back then.
Crazy that I didn't even think about this. Probably since I never really use a smartphone or record / take pictures of anything.
I'm guessing those horror bullies in korean/chinese manga weren't as exaggerated as I thought.
I had talked to some of my worst tormentors and I guess I have the luxury of knowing all of them simply forgot about all the things that transpired.
It's like it was nothing worth remembering for them, while for me it became permanent, deep festering wounds.
The youth today doesn't have this luxury afforded to them it seems? If their abuser decided to pull out their phone, it's there, witnessed by many.
Fucking hell I struggle wrapping my mind around it in all honesty.
I do still believe most will forget, but I'm sure the damage dealt is that much greater.
No.302744
>>302743I've had many a mental breakdowns shared on film and gawked at everywhere, and it's not actually as big a deal as you think rationally speaking. But yeah, there's something about the human psychology where it does fuck with you.
They only get shared in those circles and most normal people don't care. But it can affect your career and you can't really escape it entirely unless you are willing to uproot your entire life. Every time someone new stumbles in it's "Check out this video of X doing Y" and they'll just play it on their phone laughing. It comes back around to me in rumors, but because I'm somewhat well liked most people sympathize with me over it and agree "yeah it's not right". Nothing really can be done about it though.
It's not just bullying though. That sort of disgusting behavior is everywhere. succubi stumble out of clubs and some clickbait youtuber asks her what race she'd fuck or what sort of guys she finds unattractive, and she gives a drunken answer. You just know that the next few months at work she's going to be teased about that faux-pas, meanwhile for everyone else it's a two second piece of entertainment. They're picking up people at their most vulnerable. Then there's those pranking videos.
No.302751
My highest aspiration is to die from suicide and I love it.
No.302754
I can't go on living anymore, all I do is feel endless sorrow, overthinking, I forgot the beauty of everything. No more love left for me, or at least I don't have the capability to feel it. Nobody is sincere anymore, can't find myself anywhere even on this website. everything is disorganized… fucking OCD. it raped my life a year ago and I never recovered.
No.302755
can't turn back time
No.302756
>>302638Go and do some pushups.
No.302760
I attached the rope to a suitable place today and hanged from my arms. I can definitly do an attempt from this setup. Lets hope for the best. This world is not for me desu
No.302807
i am possibly in the spectrum, now i know why i wasn't ever able to relate well to groids. whenever i had a conversation a little longer than 5 or 10 mins, it turned out to be a mentally ill person.
i share the feather and all i can feel is doom. i will never be normal no matter how hard i try. now i truly want to die.
No.302808
>>302803Can't you prove to the judge that you have some sort of mental illness
right now and thus you're unable to hold a job?
No.302821
>>302254Are you still there? in what 3rd world country you are? be careful and why did you choose this way of sui
No.302825
>>302803>Can't even get NEETbux because some faggot judge said that "playing video games and building a website" made me eligible for workhold on, asking Perplexity bot…
>porn<going towards banning
get an account on joyreactor
No.302826
>>302803lemme try something
vvv
I am writing to formally express my deep frustration regarding the recent judicial decision that deemed “playing video games and building a website” as equivalent to employment for the purpose of NEET benefit eligibility. This ruling reflects a troubling misunderstanding of modern work and leisure distinctions and appears disconnected from the realities faced by many young people today.
Compounding this issue is the broader economic context, including recent significant layoffs at Google. These layoffs, driven by shifting priorities toward emerging technologies like AI and economic uncertainty, highlight how even major tech employers are restructuring and reassessing the nature of work. In light of this, it is particularly perplexing and disheartening that the judiciary fails to acknowledge the complexity and nuance of contemporary employment or its absence.
I urge the responsible authorities to reconsider such judgments with a more informed and compassionate perspective. Decisions that impact livelihoods must be grounded in an accurate understanding of both legal standards and current economic realities.
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
^^^
No.302855
Life becomes rather stupid once you get 30 years and older. Like, you know for a long time that things are stupid and suck, but you are still here. What to do? Just keep doing stuff. You might not even be depressed anymore. You rather become just like functioning. And going on. And stop caring but care about other things. Like, you are still here, and it's not so bad, but you also don't reflect any of it, it just happens and you are not even indifferent to things, but you also don't 'really' care, you found some sense of non-indifference that is indifferent towards not being indifferent. I don't know. Life could and should have been over, but you start valuing the fact that it's not while also not caring that it didn't.
No.302856
>>302855in my view you either rot away or you kill yourself.
aging gracefully and dying with dignity does not exist
No.302857
>>302856>aging gracefully and dying with dignity does not existWe can see people gracefully dying with dignity every day. Get off the pills.
No.302858
>>302857Are these people in the room with you right now?
Are they talking to you?
No.302859
>>302855I'm not sure I'm 100% understanding what you are saying here, but I'm going to turn 30 in a few months and I kinda feel this.
I used to be super paranoid about having a social media presence, having pictures of myself, being judged, preferring to be faceless.
I'm slowly moving towards being open about my thoughts in life and on the web.
I don't care about judgement anymore and it seems to work. I'm less isolated.
Putting myself out there one step at a time.
Why care anyways?
The future I thought it might affect one day is non-existent and it won't manifest in this life either way.
Might as well be just me. Unrestrained and see where that goes.
I feel like 30 is the age where the decline is made clear. In my early twenties especially I still had some sort of expectations of myself, of a fake imagined self.
Now I feel like this roller coaster ride reached it's peak and it's time to go downhill. The peak is rather shallow, but knowing the worst is yet to come, might as well embrace what I am.
Ironically these past few months felt more real and more like living than the many years of hiding in fear of shame prior.
I'm quite remorseful.
No.302860
My pc broke and I haven't feel this much depression in like 5 years. There really is nothing good in life besides digital entertainment. I just can't imagine a happy life without my computer.
No.302861
>>302857only with assisted suicide, "natural" death is always horrible
No.302863
>>302861>"natural" death is always horribleNot at all, youngling.
No.302864
>>302863I talk from experience, my grandpa suffocated to death during an aneurysm, my grandma suffered from colon cancer and died of liver failure struggling, my other grandma became disabled her last years and basically she couldn't do anything by herself she later died of pneumonia after few days in ICU, my last grandpa is slowly developing dementia
No.302865
>>302864I'm positive that your family is just genetically inferior.
No.302866
>>302864Don't engage with the few malicious losers that tour here for some reason.
Natural deaths are often quite miserable.
No.302867
>>302866Yeah, it's just sad that people ignore how much harm life has brought into the world
No.302890
>>302889There is more original stuff out there that you'll either never see in the sea of garbage or more likely, fail to appreciate it when you see it due to the very same overabundance.
No.302892
>>302889normies crave ugliness, boredom, stupidity, meaningless torment. this is why when something good arises they immediately try to break it down. Things will just get endlessly more soulless, empty and ugly from now on.
No.302894
>>302889Y2K style, Frutiger Aero, Cassete Futurism, Futuluxe?
No.302930
>watching shit online
>fearmongering clickbait adverts about health problems
>ruins my mood and I close the tab
I functionally live online but they still can't work out my tastes. No, I don't want to see any health adverts, I don't like adverts that speculate on my health. It feels invasive and painful when the algorithm targets you like that. It doesn't even make me engage with the product, why would I even consider it when you ruin my mood like that?
Why isn't it illegal to advertise for health problems anyway. People have doctors, you don't "ask your doctor about". Your doctor will diagnose and tell you if you need something.
If adblocks stop working, I'd love for a version that just mutes and blacks the screen so I can't see the advert until it's skippable.
No.302931
>>302930>It doesn't even make me engage with the productIf you're thinking about it long after the ad, then you're engaging. Anything to make people buy more. It's all emotional manipulation.
>they still can't work out my tastesIt looks like they have worked out what leave you a deep impression so the algorithm has functioned properly. Showing positive content was never the only thing it's designed for. It's designed to make people pay attention to it.
No.302933
>>302931Perhaps, except on principle I'll avoid the platform so it loops around to being a negative for them. If adblocks stop working it'll actually be enough to get me to avoid youtube and rumble entirely.
No.302935
>>302933Good to see I'm not alone on this.
If I see something advertised I go out of my way not to ever buy anything from the company and even tell family to avoid it if they ask.
I hate insidious shit like "product placement" even more.
Though that might be since I had adblock forever I rarely see ads that aren't baked into content as sponsorship or something.
No.302936
I have experienced the most marvelous sensation. I reached a sort of peak of suffering and stress, a pinnacle of pain and issues all combining at once, everything falling apart simultaneously. A badly infected wound, withdrawals from a synthetic opiod I've been highly addicted to, professional failure, my domicile becoming uninhabitable due to something entirely out of my control. There's more I could add, but suffice to say I hit a point where objectively speaking my circumstances are at their worst. And yet I felt the most inexplicable sense of pure freedom and release. It was as if everything made sense, despite being entirely sober my mental state was most similar to a low-medium dosage of psilocybin. Everything seemed connected, all my pain lifted away, all my fears and doubts melted away and it were as if my spirit were being lifted somewhere beyond this realm. It sounds perhaps unreasonable and impossible, but I felt as if a friend who I'd lost recently were reaching out from beyond and protecting me.
I felt an overwhelming sensation of peace and infinite love. What should have been one of my lowest points instead sublimated into perhaps the highest I've ever felt. I could only express my unlimited gratitude for everything. My suffering felt like the most precious guilt. I have nowhere else to post this and no one else to tell. I wanted to say it somewhere,for this moment to be somehow recorded somewhere else other than my own psyche. Hopefully it isn't an inappropriate post. Apologies if so. I appreciate you for reading.
No.302938
>>302936I don't believe you, if you truly were suffering you wouldn't end up happy and satisfied but in trauma and madness
No.302945
>>302938It was just a brief few moments. I am here a few hours later in hell on earth. These are the worst withdrawals I have ever experienced in my life. I lost myself completely for I think an hour there. It was so bad I lost my sanity and awareness. It's a blur honestly the sheer intensity of suffering was that severe that I felt my sense of self comoletely leave. I remember slamming my head into the wall screaming that I want to kill myself over and over to try to distract myself from the pain. EvemThis is probably only a brief respite before the next wave hits. I think the only reason I didn't run outside and jump in front of a truck an hour or so ago to get relief is that it felt so bad I couldn't think clearly enough to do so. I stumbled around I screamed I cried what felt like tears of blood from pure anguish. I did make it outside for a few moments wandering aimlessly to find relief. My neighbors dogs barked at me, he said to "Leave that man alone!". He sounded very sympathetic. We share a wall via my ceiling is his floor I reckon he heard me having a complete breakdown.
No.302946
>>302938Suffering is relative.
No.302947
>>302945>Hell is when no drusie wugsies :(I wish you drugfags would stay contained to one of your dedicated imageboards. So audacious of you happy-go-lucky drug users to cvonsider yourself qualified to post on a depression board the instant you're having a melty over not having your gay AIDS nigger drug of choice in hand.
No.302952
>>302855I'm like that already and I'm 20. A couple years of doing productive turns you like that
No.302953
>>302952Good for you anon.
I'm envious of younger generations seemingly getting the lessons and realizations that took me until 30 by the time they are done with high school.
Then again I was always rather slow to catch on to things.
No.302961
>>302953I'm not really learning a lesson, since I am blind in the state you described. Sometimes I feel bad about doing nothing, about not caring about a lot of things. But since I'm not doing anything to improve the situation, I'll always stay that way. Don't worry about your age by the way, the "it's too late" thing is a meme. I would say, do what you want when you want. A life spent doing nothing isn't a bad thing, no matter what people say. You are the only one to decide what is fine and what isn't
No.302966
>>302855well, shit.
"I will have my life taken away the moment I get some sense of life." Thats how anxious I used to be. and its getting back
No.302969
somehow I feel so bittersweet and depressed right now after reading through the lyrics of the song again that got me into listening shibayanrecords
https://genius.com/Deadman-omae-wa-mou-lyrics No.302984
>go to bakery
>teenager(f) cuts in line
>mention to cashier(f) that it's actually my turn
>cashier(f) remains dead silent like I did something wrong until I leave
Man, what did I do now? It's ridiculous out there…
No.302985
>>302984Bagel boss not like this…
No.302986
>>302984Using my empath skills:
>ugh its friday i just wanna go home already>couple more hours and my shift is done i'm so tired from waking up at 5am to bake bagels>"excuse me, but it was my turn">ugh i don't want to deal with this, just please don't make a scene, its not a big deal just wait a lil bit longer>man i can't wait to just get home and sleep *deep yawn*Hope that helps!
No.302987
>>302984As the other guy said. Gender wasn't a factor here. Are you expecting a low paid wageslave to get into an unnecessary confrontation over something this minor?
You could have just grabbed the kid and pulled them behind you if you really cared. I've done something similar prior, probably only got away with it because it was also a guy, not a succ though.
Wageslaves aren't preschool teachers.
No.302988
>>302986>>302987I didn't even make a scene.
Whatever. You guys win… with your machine gun replies.
No.302989
>>302988I'm just saying, don't think of this grand conspiracy against you, people have their own shit to deal with. Your instinct was to treat the cashier like she's an authority figure, but she's just a wagie that wants to get her work done as fast as possible and go home. If you wanted to stand up for yourself, you should have addressed the g1rl who went ahead of you and hash it out with her. Most of the time, it's just not worth it though, you get stuff done faster and easier if you just tolerate a certain amount of injustice and bullshit. If you want justice, you have to work hard for it and pay the price of embarrassment and causing a scene and ruining several people's day.
No.302990
>>302989>Your instinct was to treat the cashier like she's an authority figure, but she's just a wagie that wants to get her work done as fast as possible and go home. Excellent summary. Wish I was able to be this concise and to the point.
No.302992
>>302989>If you wanted to stand up for yourself, you should have addressed the g1rl who went ahead of you and hash it out with her.It just came out of me without even thinking. Damn, another entry for my personal cringe compilation. Case closed.
No.302996
>>302989This. I've avoided countless confrontations, broken bones and bruises simply by walking away.
And instead of a 4 second ego trip and permanent injuries I went home perfectly healthy, ate a good meal and woke up to a new day with no quarrels.
No.303000
My own (online) therapist abandoned me.
We were supposed to have a session on Wednesday. She never showed up; that was three weeks ago.
Haven't bothered calling the office because they didn't call me. The whole reason I started therapy was so I could get into the pipeline to get on meds. I got tested for ADHD and the results came back saying I was extremely depressed/anxious, and I was told to see a psychiatrist, but they haven't sent me anything to print out for one.
Every day feels like I'm just killing my own body for nothing. I stopped going to the gym, I waste all my money on takeout. I spend most of the week at work, where everyone either ignores my disgusting presence or asks me to help them with shit.
No.303001
>>303000>Therapist wastes your time>SheYour fault for wanting drugs.
No.303002
>>303000are you aware of how dangerous and unhealthy psych drugs are?
No.303003
>>303000lowkey probably a sign from God that you should not be taking these psychozombie substances. sounds like your life is shit and you feel bad about it (normal reaction), you don't need amphetamines or SSRIs frying your neurochemistry on top of that and messing with your ability to perceive the world accurately as it is.
No.303004
>>302984typical, ignore all these cuck replies
the correct move here is not to complain but find a different bakery
most businesses simply do not care about quality of service anymore
No.303006
I just realized I've literally spent half my life on imageboards
I'm 32 now, I was 16 when I first discovered 4chan. I've been on imageboards for at least 2 hours a day, and regularly 6 hours plus a day, for the last 16 years.
No.303010
When Randolph Carter was 30 he lost the key of the gate of dreams. Prior to that time he had made up for the prosiness of life by nightly excursions to strange and ancient cities beyond space, and lovely, unbelievable garden lands across ethereal seas; but as middle age hardened upon him he felt these liberties slipping away little by little, until at last he was cut off altogether. No more could his galleys sail up the river Oukranos past the gilded spires of Thran, or his elephant caravans tramp through perfumed jungles in Kled, where forgotten palaces with veined ivory columns sleep lovely and unbroken under the moon. He had read much of things as they are, and talked with too many people. Well-meaning philosophers had taught him to look into the logical relations of things, and analyse the processes which shaped his thoughts and fancies. Wonder had gone away, and he had forgotten that all life is only a set of pictures in the brain, among which there is no difference betwixt those born of real things and those born of inward dreamings, and no cause to value the one above the other. Custom had dinned into his ears a superstitious reverence for that which tangibly and physically exists, and had made him secretly ashamed to dwell in visions. Wise men told him his simple fancies were inane and childish, and he believed it because he could see that they might easily be so. What he failed to recall was that the deeds of reality are just as inane and childish, and even more absurd because their actors persist in fancying them full of meaning and purpose as the blind cosmos grinds aimlessly on from nothing to something and from something back to nothing again, neither heeding nor knowing the wishes or existence of the minds that flicker for a second now and then in the darkness.
No.303014
>>303006if you did this you've literally had a better life than most people kek
No.303015
>Trump officials reportedly set to tie Tylenol to autism risk
I honestly think he's right because my mum has been popping that shit for decades.
No.303017
Anything that prevents muscle recovery - such as the active ingredients in most muscle relaxers - is going to also hinder development of new tissue. Obviously taking any drugs while pregnant is going to make your child mentally retarded.
No.303018
Currently in the mire of an extremely bad depressive spell and I just have nowhere to turn to. I hate this feeling of being a trapped animal, just waiting to die in pain alone in the dark.
Most of the time I am able to just numb myself to everything and get on with my pathetic wageslave existence, but eventually the constant feelings of loneliness and insanity just boil over and explode into a full on mental breakdown. It feels like my soul is being ripped out my body and I hate it so much. I hate that I can't escape this mental anguish no matter what I do, nothing can distract from the pain or even give me temporary relief. The psychological torment is so great that I literally feel physically ill and in pain.
I hate my worthless fucking life so fucking much, I hate that I was ever born. I hate that the only emotions I ever feel are rage and sadness. I hate everything. Everything is so shitty it makes me want to fucking vomit.
No.303023
>>303010God I hope this never happens to me. Sleeping and dreaming are the only refuge I have left.
No.303031
>>303017Yeah but they still keep on prescribing this shit to pregnant succubi.
My younger brother and I are pretty sickly, he's really sickly, we were born right after Mum started popping prescription meds like candy. All my older siblings are perfectly healthy, my brother's kids are perfectly healthy. So none of these problems seem to be genetic.
No.303038
>>303002I really don't care about side-effects. If it makes me a braindead zombie, so be it. I'll be like the rest of the crowd.
I just don't want to waste my precious youth. My life isn't worth living if I'm so depressed I can't even motivate myself to learn a useful skill.
>>303003>frying your neurochemistryIt's already fried.
No.303049
So here's a little snapshot of my life right now:
>At work
The warehouse where I work used to be privately owned when I started, but was recently bought out by big company a few months ago. Since then, numerous people have lost their jobs, with more still anxious about being the next one to get fired. No joke, my supervisor was talking to my line today and said that they're probably going to fire a succubus from the next line over who just recovered from a surgery for her thyroid cancer. The new company has also made simple tasks like checking paystubs, timecards, accrued time off, holidays, workplace policies and other important information 10 times more difficult to access, with most of us needing to go to our supervisor to ask for every little thing that we used to be able to access on our own. More still, the work was relatively laid back when I started, but now their pushing for more productivity and everyone has to try to record their own output for the day, every day, with us often getting judged and criticized for not meeting the standard, yet we were never informed of about how much work is expected of us each day. The security measures are also increasing. The warehouse had a "town hall meeting" today (for those who don't know, a town hall meeting is basically where the entire staff is gathered for a presentation where the management and other higher-ups talk about current company status and upcoming changes) where they announced that they will be installing metal detectors in the entrance, as well as lockers in the breakrooms where we will be required to store our personal items during work hours, which doesn't sound too extreme on the face of it, but the building is already packed with cameras to the point where the only place where we can't be watched is in the toilet. I do understand that some of this, like the security shit, is just 'industry standard' given the type of material we work with, but some of this I can't help but question if it's even legal. In any case, this job was actually pretty decent when I started, now I'm considering looking for a new job, but when I got this job I was struggling to get hired anywhere so I don't know if I will be able to find something else right now.
>At home
My dad recently had heart surgery, now he is in recovery. The pills he has to take usually put him to sleep, but when he's awake he's typically irritable because he's a worker-drone who desperately wants to return to his wageslavery rather than get paid to chill at home. Aside from that, he's the type of guy who will turn on the news just to shout at the TV over dumb political shit. My mom has been taking care of my dad and she is worn out. She hasn't been sleeping much and the other day she even broke her toe, so she's not in the best of moods either. So now when I come home from work, I will hesitate to walk through the front door because I'm hoping that my mom and dad are sleeping because it's just easier than the alternatives. I try to relax before I have to go to bed for the next shitty day of work, but I'm currently burnt out on nearly all of my usual entertainment, so my evenings have mostly been spent sitting in my room not knowing what the hell to do with myself. Even when I do finally crawl into bed, I don't sleep well which just adds to my stress. A nice little cherry on top of my current shit-sunday is that my sister's dog, a German shepherd that she had for over 10 years, died last week. I knew her dog was getting old, and didn't have much time left, so I wanted to go to my sister's house over the weekend to see her dog one last time, but it passed away before I could say goodbye.
Needless to say, I can't talk to anyone about this. Like most wizards, I have no friends and my family doesn't really care about what I think or how I feel. I'm all alone and suffering greatly, which I guess isn't too uncommon for me, but I really don't know how much more of this shit I can take right now.
No.303050
>>303045>>303045i recommend you find some way to NEET
No.303052
I feel overwhelming terror relating to my teeth. I'm always so scared of my fillings coming loose and not being able to afford a dental cap.
No.303060
>>303045It's absolutely depressing how most people need to work in order to pay bills and food, the way the system is structured is toxic. People don't want to share resources, don't want to make you feel good, don't want to provide healthcare and housing for free, everything requires a toll and needs constant maintenance and replacement.
No.303063
Keep losing entire days gooning to porn or scrolling on the internet. I need to remove cheap pleasure from my life. I can't do things in moderation. I don't trust myself. I have to be an ascetic. Definitely for real this time and I won't just repeat the same routine tomorrow. Hmmm I wonder if that porn thread on 4chan has updated with new posts? Gonna go check it out.
No.303073
>>303066>I really don't want to die despite all the things in the pastDeath is bliss, life is a curse, don't fear the reaper be scared of reincarnation
No.303074
>>303073Then kill yourself
No.303075
>>303074If life did not make it extremely painful I would, erasing my consciousness is hard without proper medications which are currently prohibited
No.303077
>>303073I'm terrified of what comes after death.
No.303078
>>303077Is there something worse than life that you fear? Like being tormented in hell? We already live a hellish reality.
No.303082
you will see, you dont want to kys rn because there is still a tiny slit of hope and pleasure in your life, it will go away and you will think about death 24 hours a day
No.303084
>>303078It'd just be our luck for whatever comes after to be a lot worse.
I just want darkness forever, I'm tired. I really don't want there to be an afterlife.
No.303087
>>303073I fear it a lot anon… especially the uncertainty of it.
You mention reincarnation which could be a blessing or a curse, but based on current experience I'd say even if it's a thing it likely isn't a good thing.
As I said in my last post, the thought of death was more comforting when I had nothing to look forward to in my youth.
Now while still miserable overall, I do have things I want to see, experience and build.
I really want a small house in a village with my own rose garden for example.
If I work for another 2-3 years while living at mom and nothing major happens on the global stage I might just achieve it. I'm also enjoying going out to play card games with randoms every other week.
Feels like I'm reclaiming a part of my childhood at least.
Oblivion doesn't sound enticing to me either.
No.303110
Had anxiety all day while waiting to write some arguments to Wikipedia discussion. Someone pinged me with support against the mob, it usually goes to one's email. Usual behavior: diminishing the issue, accusations of bias, ignoring the arguments, pretending not to read, some totally retarded incompetent users, users who can't even read and understand, formalism, fear of slippery slope, ad hominem, whataboutism, debunked arguments with no reply, etc.). All to serve their own bias or at least it looks that way. Ended up with vomit feeling, blood pressure was 185/126/127. After some medicine that I licked from my fist, it went down to 152/115/96 in 20 minutes if I remember correctly.
No.303111
>>303110I think it's my new record. Hopefully, my eye sight didn't worsen, no double sight or anything.
No.303112
>>303110Why care so much? What do you gain from all of this?
Aside from edging death it seems…
No.303113
>>303110>185/126/127Also this is fucking insane. Makes me feel better about my health situation at least.
I recall I had 192/120 when I was at the ER last December and you just casually tanked it.
No.303114
>>303112Discussion: to improve the articles. It went just as I predicted, I have read past discussions on similar topic in the past and was looking for the same sources, arguments, etc. Only forgot about doing it already. Caring is uncontrollable, pain from public mistakes is unavoidable, wish I knew better the degree.
I disappeared for a few days, thought someone would pick holes, but one was predictable and I countered it, the other one is BS. Overall, it turned out worse than I thought but in the same direction.
Previously I had anxiety when one public person was bullied mostly unjustly. I added neutral info to Wikipedia. Despite anxiety, there was no such medical situation. It went higher once I relaxed and stopped reading some replies, including one in support. Previous participation in non-article space wasn't as bad either, mild-medium anxiety, not for a week with some breaks. Now I'll put screenshots with stuff that I planned to edit to one folder, won't create new articles for the time being, try to ignore future pings. After all, there's nothing left to say. Break time was used to search for some sources.
No.303115
>>303114Faustian. Is it worth it though? I don't think it's as uncontrollable as you think it is. I mean just walk away from the screen lol. Just close the tab.
No.303116
>>303115That anon sounds compelled to do this.
Nobody sane just goes around editing wikipedia articles and having debates about it with strangers.
Don't mean to sound like I'm belittling him or saying this in a derogatory way.
Should find a better obsession though. May I recommend card games?
I've interacted with quite a few autists that obsessed about things to their detriment and I'm not sure they could help it.
So let's just pray our wiki wizards heart stays healthy.
No.303119
I am suddenly terrified of power outlets, chargers, electrical wires and charging adapters. My lack of knowledge and exhaustion prevents me from understanding them fully, and I cannot trust anything ChatGPT tells me. I'm terrified, I'm losing sleep, and it's making my life worse. I live alone, so if anything bad happens, I am completely stranded.
But you know, it's nothing new. I just hope that it goes away soon…
No.303120
>>303115Mental stuff is uncontrollable when it happens, leaving Wikipedia is controllable. Been away for 5 years retired without any problems. Article creation and minor additions don't cause anxiety to me. It's like when someone is a retired criminal who comes from retirement despite hating his job.
I rewrote one article about a book which had copyvio and added info about a cat photo inside. One anonym without reliable sources just recently has added a name of another cat. Duck test says it's probably true, Google showed his rare name and relation to the author is true. Just some tidbits.
No.303125
>>303119Lol, Youtube and Facebook have been recommending me electrical-stations and what I assume is ultra high voltage installations security procedures videos. Simple things like closing a circuit…. with hundreds of thousands of volts running through it. The guy is all covered in like 40kg of (dielectric I guess) hazmat and glove gear, standing on a special mat, with a guy holding him from a distance with a pole that I assume is insulated too.
It's scary, like the sound it makes as the contacts get close and the air becomes ionized. Electricity is terrifying because brainlets like me cannot hope to understand every possible factor that could go wrong, and unlike a car crash, means actual instant death. I read on a newspaper the other day that apparently, you shouldnt shower during a electrical storm??? Because your body can become part of the strike electrical path. I found it weird like, if there are metal plumbing pipes on top of my home, those same pipes must somehow be connected to some other water in/outflow, why would my body form part of that circuit? I know mixing pvc and metal pipes is not uncommon, but apart from that a homes own electrical instalation is physically grounded, I cannot be more grounded than ground itself, no? Anyway, scary stuff
No.303126
>>303119>>303125This is why I like to imagine my networking stuff as if it were plumbing.
If I just imagine water flowing through pipes all of a sudden it's much more reasonable and understandable.
I too feel retarded when it comes to electric stuff and gas too.
I'm worried even installing a light-bulb let alone the entire lamp/chandelier.
My father is an electrician, but never taught me anything. I did see him almost fry himself twice, but managed to let go.
Perhaps I inherited the the stupid from somewhere…
No.303132
>>303125>>303126You know the worst part is that even a qualified electrician isn't immune. He makes 1 small mistake, no matter how minor, and he'll either die or become disabled for life. Electricity is truly fucking dangerous. I remembered getting electrocuted as a toddler and I am flabbergated at how I'm still alive. One wrong adapter, one small finger, a tiny water droplet near an outlet, and you're fucked.
No.303138
>>303132Just turn off the power before working
No.303145
>>303132This is patently false. Where I live mains is 240V RMS. When I was young I used to fuck around with mains a lot because I was into power electronics. I have touched live wires several times. It definitely hurts but has caused no damage that I know of. I got lucky that in all instances my hand brushed against the wire rather than grabbing it so I was able to move my hand away. I have also been shocked by around 500V DC from a power supply I built (unisolated from mains, I had no conception of electrical safety when I was younger) before and again my hand just brushed against one of the supply's poles so I was able to remove my hand. In my experience unless you grab a live mains wire and are unable to let go, you are more likely to sustain a physical injury when you jerk your hand away and bump into something than from the actual electricity. This is especially true for 120V mains in the US.
Only really high voltage (thousands of volts) can actually kill you instantly. I am currently looking into what output voltage and current capability I would need from a supply to guarantee instant death as it is an attractive suicide method because (for me) it would almost surely be assumed to be accidental. I've read accounts of people who've survived getting shocked by high voltage equipment and they usually say they didn't even realise what happened until they were told when they woke up in the hospital.
>>303119The DC output from phone chargers, laptop chargers and PC power supplies cannot possibly kill you even if the output wires are exposed. I touch 60V DC (about triple the output from my laptop charger) regularly and I get a nice tingling sensation when I do but nothing else. For mains, see what I wrote above. The idea that touching mains is instant death is simply untrue.
No.303146
>>303145>>303132There's also like two layers of Residual Current Devices in every modern household that will get triggered if you have a severe electric shock.
Electrical work is pretty safe in this day and age. People lock off fuseboxes with a padlock before doing any work and disconnect the mains. The only time I've seen someone have an electric shock at my old construction job was when the manager at the supermarket refused to turn the power off for the freezers, but he got chewed out for it.
No.303147
>>303145>>303146That's… actually very reassuring. Thank you. I think I can sleep a little better now…
No.303148
been practicing tying knots lately
feels good i wont be here anymore
haha get fucked normies
No.303156
>>303145>I am currently looking into what output voltage and current capability I would need from a supply to guarantee instant death as it is an attractive suicide method because (for me) it would almost surely be assumed to be accidental.Not that I am telling you to KYS but I remember getting so many warnings from hobbyists saying a microwave transformer makes for a really cheap spot welder, but to be careful with the capacitor lying around it. I do have the transformer somewhere in my room, I think it's a standarized component that converts 120v into at least 10Kv.
You seem well versed in this, correct me if I'm wrong but doesn't part of the danger in dealing with electricity, besides internal burns, comes from the potential of electrical current messing with your hearts electrical rythm? For example, you could be severely dehydrated and already suffering from electrolyte imbalances and if you touch two wires from hand to hand, making sure it passes over chest, that'd be troublesome wouldn't it?
No.303164
>>303156>microwave transformerI've heard of people using these to generate HV but I've never used one. I have used a CRT flyback transformer to generate nice arcs before.
>electrical current messing with your hearts electrical rythmYou needn't already be weak for this to happen, sustained shocks from mains are known to cause ventricular fibrillation.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electrical_injuryThe thing is, I do not merely want to ensure that I die. I want to ensure that I am knocked out before I die from ventricular fibrillation / internal organ damage. I know that a sufficiently high voltage will do this from reading people's accounts and watching electrical rekt webms, but to be safe I must find out exactly what the minimum voltage (and at what frequency if it's AC) is required to guarantee a loss of consciousness. I must then find out how much current the power source must supply. This is pretty much impossible to determine precisely since the body's impedance is highly variable. Fortunately, I need not bother trying to come up with a precise figure. A worst-case scenario estimate will suffice. Finally, I must determine how long the supply needs to provide this current for. A pulsed power supply would be easier to design / cheaper to purchase. I would also want to have a timer on the supply to avoid starting a fire so a worst-case scenario estimate of the length of the required pulse from the supply to guarantee death is necessary. I am reading about electric chairs and stunning devices for cattle currently to get an idea of what I'll need.
For the record, I don't think this is a great suicide method compared to more conventional techniques but if I pull it off correctly my family will never know I killed myself.
No.303166
>>302088There's no such thing as a niche anymore since the COVID period. Normoids broke out of their internet mainstream containment bubbles thanks to having more down time. Then TikTok came around the same moment with short-form content and highly advanced algorithims which increased the exposure of everything you can think of. Anything decent that was left before 2020 has become highly mainstream, stagnant, and soulless.
No.303172
>>303166join comic forums
No.303173
>>303166edit: join comicS forums
No.303177
I am such a weak pussy bitch. My mom had me do some really tedious work for her online business (peeling unwanted parts from some alternative medicine herbs) and I threw a tantrum and told her rudely that this will be the last time I do this for her. I really need to find a hobby and get good enough to earn money from it. I don't want to have to do this assembly line shit. My fried dopamine receptors can't take it. I'd rather kill myself. I don't understand how normies used to work in the coal mines for 10 hours and shit. Even doing some cleaning makes me depressed.
No.303182
>>303177>I really need to find a hobby and get good enough to earn money from it.Same, but I should have done this 15 years ago when the opportunities were ripe.
I feel like the time for this is gone now, not because of age, but because of changes in online in general.
No.303191
>>303182>but because of changes in online in general.100%. Etsy and eBay had their place before the resellers and bots piled in.
No.303203
>>303195I, too, am a skeleton on the inside
No.303217
I hate the cold. It reminds me of death and makes normally bearable loneliness unbearable.
No.303218
>>303165What a painful experience, especially because I've had the exact same ones. Today is my birthday and I feel deeply sorrowful at turning one year older yet having nothing to show for it. So many fantasies I used to have, desires which I still have, yet my current situation is so far removed that all my desires seem like an impossibility.
I have tried and attempted so much, wasted so much money on art supplies, tools, resources, all for identities I wanted to adopt. But even doing the bare minimum challenges my limits. So you know what? I have decided to give up, stop trying, do absolutely nothing, and just operate within my limits. Within the energy that I can afford.
And so far, although sorrowful, it has helped me greatly. Especially because I have horrible OCD, I have managed to feel more at peace, even if the pain in my heart weighs heavily.
I have come to learn the value of 'experience'. To fully experience the moment with all its sorrows, limitations and agony. To simply… exist. And let my thoughts converge on their own.
After all… there's nothing else we could do, right? If all effort fails, then the most helpful thing is to do nothing at all.
No.303232
>too lazy to do the things i need to do
>can't even use of my free time since i don't enjoy anything anymore
Anyone else here in full rot mode? Don't know if I'm dopamine burnt out or what. Shit's fucked.
No.303242
>>303217i like the cold because it makes brown people uncomfotable
No.303250
>>303218It's crazy how much of this just looks like "he is a lazy retard" from the outside when it takes more energy for a simple step than it takes for others to walk the whole road ahead.
I tried many things, bought many tools, set things up for myself to start a path, but I get stuck in mental loops until I reach a breaking point and give up.
I feel shackled by this basically all my life and it affects every aspect of it to the point where inaction and quietly rotting away became preferable to the torment of choice and the overwhelming obsessive thoughts that action spawns.
A stupid example would be a hobby I tried getting back into. Card games (yugioh) were a huge part of my childhood.
Now as an adult every part of it is driving me to the brink of madness.
The acquisition of cards, the storage of them, sleeves, double sleeving them, making and learning decks.
Preparing for the "event", the logistics of it all, then going there, the interactions and actually playing.
All of this, ever step of the way is a new torment.
Cardstock is also poor quality so they curl, bend whatever from humidity and it's making me mad. Sleeves are uneven so they might be considered marked. Stuff like this. The social aspects and storage/management too.
Then I see random people showing up with filthy sleeves, unwashed hands curled and damaged cards they can barely even read due to the language barrier have a time of their life enjoying the game without a second thought.
Yet here I am obsessing over everything, killing myself in the process.
Making simple decisions like what decks to play, what characters to pick in a video game also send me for a loop that fries my brain until I uninstall.
This has been a theme since childhood.
I could never progress much into MMOs because I'd keep rerolling, same for games, same for life… I started a degree for 3-4 different things, and other schooling that I never finished.
I can't seem to escape these thought loops that torment me until I surrender.
I'm starting to TRY to accept that not all things need to be perfect, but these are thoughts I feel I have no control over.
So now I basically operate within my limits, as you said. That unfortunately translates to a life passing by rapidly. A simple phone call takes weeks or months to accomplish.
Starting a new video game can take a year. Going to an event gets put off for months that turns into a year again.
Fixing health issues get put off until I'm no longer able to ignore them.
I'm trying to catch myself and these thoughts as they happen and resolve them somehow within myself to make progress, but simply surrendering to doing nothing is so much easier.
So much more comforting.
Doing nothing can't be why I'm here for… I dreamed of much more. I want more from my life. I want to be rid of these mental shackles.
No.303252
Going to have to get a root canal done. Anyone here get one before? Does it hurt? Pretty nervous about it
No.303253
>>303252Make sure you are properly numb before they start and make sure to immediately tell the doctor to use more anesthetics if you feel even a tiny bit of pain during the procedure.
Lift your hand or whatever it takes.
Sometimes they miss the spot with the injection (had it happen multiple times) and they think you are numb when it didn't work.
If you feel some stuff going down your throat (medicine numbing thing) while they inject, that means they fucked it up.
Let them know.
Sometimes you are numb on the outside if that makes any sense, but deeper into it you might not be and it's hard to tell.
Afterwards it will hurt, but you should be given antibiotics or maybe just pain killers.
If you have a fever call for antibiotics later if they didn't put you on them immediately.
Don't "tank the damage" so to speak.
I fucked up doing that once.
Basic advice, you probably knew all this already. No need to worry.
Worst thing that can happen is that they have to pull the tooth of it's worse than they expected it to be.
No.303256
>>303253Ok thanks. I've looked online and people compare it getting a cavity filled? Is this accurate?
No.303257
>>303256No. It is worse. Not by a lot and depends on circumstances, but it's not the same.
Your teeth that gets worked on isn't going to be the one causing you pain, but the surrounding area that got molested as a result if that makes any sense.
I had inflammation for a few days, nothing super major, but considering most if not all my fillings were without anesthesia I would say it is worse.
Again, nothing to worry about, just prepare mentally for a few days of pain killers and pay attention to fever signs.
If you have fever, don't hesitate to call or go back.
It's also quite random, for one I had no issues for another I did suffer a bit more.
Same with wisdom teeth. I had my jaw broken for one, and the other was removed and didn't even need stitches. It's hard to tell.
If you are prone to panicking just go to sleep after or something.
I'm paranoid as hell and if I have inflammation I do feel my forehead as hot, but no fever. So don't get too worked up, make sure to check temps instead of panicking.
No.303281
Had another ER visit for my blood pressure.
Nothing conclusive found, likely a combination of nightshifts and stress.
Legitimately felt like I was going to die.
Again.
I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. I worked on getting healthier over the year and the result?
Same shit when I was abusing my body last year.
How does one not just give up after this? I already told my mom to call my one friend so he would at least know if I croaked and not just ghosted…
Exhausted.
No.303282
Told my parents I wanted to kms months ago
They never asked about it, never amended their behavior. Never bothered to follow up on it. I don't think they really even give a shit.
No wonder I ended up a soulless fuck, a clueless, useless father and a miserable, cold mother. I'm just glad my little brother is starting to break away from this shit. I hope he thrives