/dep/ - Depression

>Any other wizards have this condition?
Yeah, me and probably most of us.

>If so how do you cope with it?
I avoid going outside and being in any kind of social situations unless there is absolutely no other choice. This gives me some amount of peace from anxiety and depression so I can pursue my interests but I still get flashbacks of cringe memories and it makes me feel so awful and hopeless for a few seconds until I mutter "fucking kill yourself" out loud. I don't know why my brain does this or why acting out this tourette syndrome routine helps, but I've just learned to accept it.

I've stopped caring about the future or catching up with my peers long ago and I've just learned to get through life day by day and find whatever joy I can in my solitary hobbies. There is nothing you can do about it, so you might as well focus on other things. I guess the only hope for an autistic is that they become top 1% in their special interest and this allows them to have some semblance of a career and respect from others, but you have to have some genuine interest, something that genuinely tickles your autism and lets you do stuff that others find boring or tedious. Maybe you can be the next Tetris world record holder or the guy that makes youtube videos about an extremely niche subject or something like that.

No matter how much normal things I try to do and as normal I try to be, I'll always hear this phrase: "this guy is weird". I don't even know if I only hear it in my head or if people really say it most of the time. I do be having auditory hallucinations in the past, and it's always this: the weird guy. I can't do nothing against this. Even just refilling car wash water yesterday, I hear it from people coming along. How can I fucking be more normal than when changing fucking car wash water, like what in the hell.

The worst thing about being an autist for me is that no one ever respected me and never will.

>>302510
since im autistic i never get satisfied due to me being empty and numb from all the corruption from people. i just wish i lived in a different reality where i could start over again..

Yea, I became really unfriendly to people and dont bother even looking at people i dont know, especially succubi and succubi. I dont understand anymore how people get so friendly with strangers. succubi never had anything interesting to say, and now that I dont interact with them they say im a weird and awkward person for not wanting to interacting with them. I hate interacting with succubi especialy those in relationships, spewking to them is pure suifuel. I hate strangers.

I wish i lived in a clan so at least the people around me are related to me and can be more accepting of what I can provide knowing my autism except what strangers expect of you which is that you should be a jester, someone who telepathically knows what the other person would be interested in talking about and talk about worthless menial shit like sportsball.

I used to make some friends here and there as a kid and its always such a foreign thing to look back on. How the hell did I do that? People can be such vile creatures

>>302510
I work at a remote location, as in "all alone at a small shop".

I simply don't have to deal with NORMIES who chit-chat in person ahaha

I dont care
About having it (neetbux is nice). But it can be depressing you might never want to travel or really do anything eventually.

I don't know OP. But I feel you. It really hurts me that normies can always tell.

It's just that faint disappointment on their face when they get a good look at your face or hear you speak, like a flinch? "Something's off." I wish I could banter with and connect to people too, but I just feel like I'm missing something everyone else has got. I still try but it feels like, even at my best, there's still that flinch or double take.

>>302510
Again, mask it by wearing funny COVID era stuff.

or sunglasses

Poker face pros love wearing sunglasses to boost their composure/make their "eyes speech" of body language muted to improve their bluff

>>303585
>Poker face pros

Poker pros

Anyone else old 40+ and lv 2/3 thinkijg they are going to get worse like those cringier autists?

>>303597
It got a little better after getting older myself, I can bluff most initial meetings if 20 seconds or shorter and people that know me just know I'm quirky.

I still have the middle aged ladies pulling their sweaters over their chest sometimes - no Tina, not checking out your busted tits, I just have trouble communicating.

>>303603
>>303603
My sensories got way worse last year and now need sunglasses even indoor commercial lights and cant even stand open windows

> I fucking hate how I can have articulate thoughts in my head yet can only muster and spew out the same few fucking phrases
I have an extremely imaginative mind that has very deep ontological visualizations and I still struggle so fucking bad converting it for the linguistic (and cultural) hellscape; there's literally no compatibility layer. I can only make the case that it exists… that isn't enough to communicate my cognitive divergence at all. I'm apparently required to reciprocate normie systems of expression just to somehow contribute anything. I've only grasped comprehending language, but it almost exclusively gets encoded into my cognitive model, and there wasn't as much effort for the decoding layer in my years of childhood therapy. Comprehension and mirroring were always the first steps before the ladder, because the second step - decoding - is horridly difficult for any kind of external analysis. There's nearly no form of accommodation for this kind of problem because medical institutions are only concerned with integrating neurological deviants into normative society, and not for the internal configurations they tend to mute.
It's like training AI on specific variables while neglecting other ones that could reward well-being and other efficiencies so much better, but those other variables lie outside the realm of normie potential. There's something deeply fucked up with the way higher-needs autists grow up to have "less" needs in this way, so to speak. It's the deepest form of corruption that autist-supportive normies cannot bear to comprehend. I can only set this precedence for people to think about because I'm not fully there yet with explaining it proper.

>>303604
ahaha my office has TWO 4-lightbulb lights.

Each is a 18W luminescent lamp, comparable to a 75w incandescent lamp - e.g. I have very powerful lightbulbs at work

there are different "indoors", mate, when it comes to the lights inside

Autism is a blessing and a curse, but I'll take having autism over not having autism

>>303614
How does having autism benefit you?

>>303615
It ruined my life many times but at least I'm not a normalfag subhuman, and I think the 'tism makes me immune to propanganda

>>303617
>I think the 'tism makes me immune to propanganda
Maybe "you have autism" is the real propaganda.

>>303617
I can see that, someone once told me 'the usual tricks don't work on you' with social nudgings and whatnot.

>>303617
No autist is immune to propaganda, they only evidently have better psychological resilience; that doesn't mean no psychological vulnerability exists. The claim to be immune to propaganda is a very naive and dangerous thing to believe.

>>303621
>they only evidently have better psychological resilience
In the same way a wild boar is immune to the mating howl of a wolf. Autism enjoyers aren't necessarily 'resistant" to propaganda so much that the most prevalent media and propaganda is specifically targeted towards those without a developmental disorder. It's only a matter of making propaganda that targets the distinct brainwaves and interests of those who took the autism pill. And yes that is happening en masse; what's being propagandized is every genre of faggotry known to man. Just about every self-proclaimed haver of autism you can find online is echoing the same few lines of degeneracy that the corporations have tricked them in to believing. LGBT this, men can become succubi that, a little bit of "black lives matter" (LOL!)… This kind if "love wins" propaganda reaches the hearts of the mentally retarded so it is being pushed on to the autistic statistic hard. It's working.

>>303617
The only way autism hurt me was getting taken advantage of by others. But the +

Neetbux
Free bus pass
Aide worker that cleans/grocerie shops (can hang and play switch)
Activity aide that does whatever i want

>>303622
False. Low functioning autists are specifically at risk of brainwashing, someone forcing them to become trans etc.

Google the overlap between autism and transsexuality. It is significant. The vast majority of autists are low IQ and not capable of critical thinking.

Far right extremists, trannie, frustrated gamers throwing around terroristic threats - all low functioning autists.

Only high functioning autists are immune to brainwash.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36996732/

>>303635
What country are you living?

>>302510
How can I know if I actually have this or am just misdiagnosing myself? Everything the OP said applies to me. I can't talk normally even to my family members and fuck eye contact. However I don't know if I'm just like this or if it's because I have spent so long isolated from other people that I became this way.

>>303726
Your shut-in life makes you less social and more focused on own stuff


This focus make you too focused on "your own world"

so whenever another person throws a question to you, you are likely to go meltdown-like because your little world has been just sapped.

Neuroplasticity can make wonders but it can also be a nightmare if you just seek cozy comfy life.

Had I been full of b-coins, I would probably be a massive awootist now.

Change your environment. Isolate.