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File: 1758208456161.jpg (191.2 KB, 850x1063, 850:1063, a12307c156.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

 No.302948

I know the truth.
We didn't have a normal childhood, and if we did at some point during childhood, puberty, or adolescence, we screwed up and were rejected or abandoned or some fucked up thing.
>Ptsd
A few days ago, I read that people with PTSD have a characteristic lack of light and permanent dilated pupils in their eyes, as if they were almost dead. I looked at photos from my childhood, and at a certain age, I already looked terrible just by looking my eyes and face, from genuine happyness to pure sadness.
>Do you want to vent and tell me a story about some traumatic shit?
I have vague memories of tunnel vision dissociation after being rejected and abandoned as a child and another one as teenager. I wouldn't wish that experience to anyone.

>Avpd

I wonder if this shit is just a process of dehumanization every damn day. I feel out of step or out of alignment with the normies' charade of pretending that everything is fine. I can barely fake it with family members and some close acquaintances (who are not my friends but are friends of my family) and with childrens, I don't want them to end up like me either.
I'm going to say something that makes me cringe, but this year I felt a very stupid happiness because someone who is not part of my family expressed interest or curiosity about me. I don't know if them did it out of morbid curiosity or genuine interest in some form of human kindness, but it made me feel temporarily happy and not so alone and isolated. And no, it wasn't the typical “Are you okay?” that leads to the automatic fake response of ‘'Yes'’ or “Yes, but I'm just now busy and a little tired.”
If only I could make friends or find something similar to human companionship, like with my pets, I wouldn't feel so alone.
I miss playing video games like TF2, WoW, CS, other MMOs, ending up in long hours games and parties laughing with randoms, Even there, I connected with those who were disconnected and found support and friendship. Thank you for that.

 No.302949

File: 1758208678606.jpg (163.58 KB, 850x1267, 850:1267, 0e2e.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>302948
If you're curious about the artist of picrel, it's not AI. The artist's name is:
>Luimiart

 No.302950

Pedonigger posting

 No.302954

>>302948
Anon I really wish you used some other pictures because I fear this thread might get deleted by overzealous reports.
I fully agree.
I too had 2, maybe 3 depending on what makes the cut experiences you mention, I have written out one of those stories here before, don't want to make an overly long post again.

The internet, old internet was my only place where I could feel like I was treated like a human ironically enough. I played TF2 as well, mostly Metin2, S4 league and then got my life consumed for half a decade by league of legends.
I spent all day on them, I was very good at each so I would have people hanging out in voice chat, teamspeak mostly and xfire all day.
I miss those days dearly, because ever since those are gone I couldn't really make the move to discord like others.

Peoples behavior changed online too.
I have 1 friend from IRL that I only chat with and that is it. I'm isolated. If my mom dies that is it. No other connections.

I deeply desire human connection, but I'm not equipped at all to build them or handle them. Life also has this weird thing about it that after your 20s or 18 if you didn't pursue an education you have no real place to connect to people either.
I'm 30 and only meet people once or twice a week in the office. Nobody cares about me much, I have nothing in common with them obviously.

So TL:DR; online places changed and I'm no longer suited for them. There are no suitable places and circumstances to make friends at my age. People my age got families and why would they want to be my friend anyways?

I genuinely believe that I made an attempt. I tried. As best I could despite negative experiences. I'm just unwanted.
I'm not trying to say this in a woe is me pity me way. I've been slowly excluded from groups that I myself formed by connection a group of strangers.
If that is not a sign that there is something wrong with me I don't know what is.

 No.302957

>>302954
>So TL:DR; online places changed and I'm no longer suited for them. There are no suitable places and circumstances to make friends at my age. People my age got families and why would they want to be my friend anyways?

starting new thread…

 No.303234

>>302948
I have CPTSD from a mix of being treated like shit and being cringe and autistic most of my life. My only drive these days is the want to be left alone.

 No.303236

>>302950
Simplistic point of view from a subhuman

 No.303245

I don't have anything to say other than that this is the realest thread I've seen in a while.

 No.303246

society is a sadomasochistic hellscape
there will be no happiness, release from misery, or any breaks from meaningless torment
the game is to kill yourself as quick as possible

 No.303247


 No.303263

>>303236
why call another user of this site a subhuman?

 No.303264

>>303263
NTA but this is a virgin website, not a crab website. Some of us are virgins by choice. And the guy who accused OP of being a "pedonigger" is a normalfag so objectively a subhuman.



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