/dep/ - Depression

That depends on what you're talking about. Do you mean whether my former dreams will ever come true? No, they won't.

it is impossible and I know it, ruined body, traumatised and slow mind, no money, etc. theoretically I regain a little bit of vitality, to mentally sit out my life as I truly am, maybe do some small things, and hang myself before I deterioate further

I don't have any hope of ever having a normal life, my fear of slowly drifting away from the people I know now will probably come true. But maybe I can still be financially successful.

We're not born to be happy.
This planet is not for us it is hostile.
Very few have a decent life without issues.

>>305241
Very well said. You need to have 0.01% tier luck to actually have a life worth living.

I've never actually had any type of dreams. I'm probably an NPC or whatever kids these days call it. There was a point in time where I wanted to have a lot of money but I've never actually seriously had my sights on any type of specific work or education.

Honestly, my life is full of the moments where I asked for this, and now I have to live with it. Feels lainpilled…



…guess I need to friendmaxx.

I wonder what are those normal things in life OP mentions. Because things like owning a home and the such are becoming more and more scarcer.

Three days ago was my birthday. I realized it when my mom hugged me and said, “HB, honey!” After that, I started thinking more — and I ended up cursing my own existence.

It feels impossible for me to live the life I wanted. I can’t isolate myself to read books or study music, math, and philosophy. I don’t even know if I would call that life a dream — maybe it is one. It feels so fucking annoying and utopian when I stop everything to think about it.

I think I’ll die in some stupid loneliness I once believed in. I stopped cutting myself, but I no longer take my meds for depression, schizoid personality disorder, and misanthropy.

Like another anon said, “We’re not born to be happy.” If that’s true, maybe all I can do is sit down and watch my whole life turn to dust in the wind.

Fuck.

>>305228
You just need dopamine. Take amisul pride at 200mg or less. Future is pointless. Dopamine makes present moment good. When present moment is good future doesn’t matter

no, not anymore. my final cope that carried me over the years was this notion that i could just change myself, figure out how i actually tick and reverse engineer myself into a normal human being. it never really worked out, but there was always this hope that i could stumble on it one day and make everything make sense, like a persistent puzzle. what broke me was realizing that i never had a chance in the first place, that biologically i was predetermined to end up where i am, regardless of my personality or psychology. there was nothing to change, i AM my body and circumstances, my mind is just a mirroring of that. there was no other way i could've turned out. people treat you based on what they see, how you make them feel, and i consistently brought out indifference or revulsion in others. as i grew into my final genetic form, people started openly being hostile to me in public and i was mocked before i could open my mouth. this fantasy that i could just change my feelings and fix everything no longer fit my lived experience. the world was inherently against me and there was nothing realistically i could do to change it. there was also nothing worth living for, as idealistic notions of "love" and "friendship" increasingly seemed to me like banal biological processes, people like you because you help them release the feel good chemicals. the most evil criminals had tons of friends and lovers because they had the right body shape, despite being scum that never had a metacognitive thought in their life, they enjoyed life, people went out of their way to help them because "there was something to them".

i'm all out of copes and suicide really seems to me like the only meaningful choice i could make. either suffer and endure for another 30-40 years until my disgusting body gives out, or i end it when it makes sense to end it. the world is evil and i cannot adapt to it because i'm weak. why shouldn't i just give up and roll the dice again?

>>306871
You hit the nail on its' head. We are predeterministic animals just like all other mammals or apes in nature.

Would you tell a deformed or weak ape if they just work enough on their personality they will get lots of females and sit in hot springs all day instead of the apes who happened to be born with good genetics?

No.

Would you tell a lion born with down syndrome he is going to overthrow the strongest lion in his territory if he is just determined enough?

We need to stop this self-improvement bullshit right here. The vast, vast majority of neurodivergent wizards will never mask to the point normies will accept it.

>>306883
>Dignity Act
Dignity for who exactly?