I don't want to die

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I don't want to die Anonymage 02/19/26 (Thu) 01:49:14 No.305937

Every time I think of death, the end of my self I can feel my brain fighting it, pretty much actively trying to shut down.
It's a weird sinking feeling, thinking of the unimaginable.
People have died around me and I felt nothing, but then again I'm not an overly emotive or emotional person.

I still can't cope with death as a concept. I don't want to cease experiencing. I'd genuinely prefer hell to oblivion.

I screwed myself, my health because of a lack of attachments and care for things in general and I'm at the age where recovery is getting harder even if I try.
Mitigation is a more realistic goal if I don't already have something terminal, hopefully. (29)

How do you guys cope? I see so many people here talking about suicide and I just can't fathom it.
I suffer from many chronic ailments, pain, tinnitus (really severe) and much else. I had many absolutely horrid experiences during childhood and youth.
I have no real connection to my broken family, no connection to pretty much anyone or anything. Never loved or felt loved by anyone, not even family.
I don't pursue hobbies I'm a man of inaction. I can't even force myself to do things I supposedly enjoy.
I have one friend I talk to online exclusively in text and meaningless time wasting activities, consuming media, manga/manhua mostly.

It's a pointless life. Wasted.

Based on all of this I should probably be suicidal, but I'm the opposite. I'd be content being a specter just observing things too. I just want to persist.
I don't want this to end, I don't want to end.
I'm terrified. Sure I'm sick, in pain, constantly depressed or anxious, generally a failure, but I don't want to be gone.
How do you deal with the inevitability of death?
Honestly I'm not convinced about any kind of afterlife. The more I read about any religion the harder it becomes to put any stock into any of them.
I just don't get this "I'm exhausted… I'm in so much pain… I've suffered enough.. It won't get better… I just want it to end" kind of feelings many have.
Maybe everyone here is some enlightened Buddhist without an ego or something. I really can't fathom it. Or maybe some just want the comfort of being able to end it anytime?

Share your thoughts please.

Anonymage 02/19/26 (Thu) 05:58:13 No.305941

>>305937
>I still can't cope with death as a concept
I kinda disagree with your concept of death, I dont believe that you live only once, then die, and thats it for all eternity.
I think its the other way around…
you die, you instantly "observe" the universe from some other new point of view as some new lifeform and this goes on for all eternity.
so "death" is just the moment between respawns.
>It's a pointless life.
if you think about it all life is kinda pointless, if life forms naturally as part of whatever process the universe goes through then this means the game is everywhere the same.
>I'm terrified.
both concepts are shitty in their own ways, not existing forever vs. endless existence. sucks both and it sure doesnt look like "life" is voluntary no matter how you look at it. suicide is also not a solution, its a reroll but the reroll can and most likely will be worse.
to me this endless existence version seems overall more likely. I know my story isnt much proof but even as a little child I kinda felt old, it was as if I knew this is not my first time being alive and I still feel that way.

Anonymage 02/19/26 (Thu) 06:13:51 No.305942

Part of growing up is experiencing loss and the inevitability of death. I like to think most people are afraid of death because it can be sudden. You never know when your day comes.

Anonymage 02/19/26 (Thu) 06:35:11 No.305943

IDK how can you be scared of death, it is literally the condition you were in before you were born

I'm scared of life, of the endless pain and torture taking place on this planet, it just seems absolute hell to me, I know you said you prefer hell to death but perhaps you don't suffer enough to say that

The very fact that you have this survival instinct while being mortal is another part of the torture

Anonymage 02/19/26 (Thu) 10:52:41 No.305945

>>305937
The only cope we have is denial, whether that's belief in an afterlife or, what I do, just trying not to think about it. I probably won't die tomorrow anyway, right? That's how I sleep at night. There's absolutely nothing to be gained by worrying about death, no secret knowledge or esoteric wisdoms, only the endless abyss. Not that you just stop yourself from thinking about it when it's bothering you. Eventually the fear trained me not to look there anymore, so maybe it just takes time. Thankfully I'm pretty content with my life, but I figure severe pain is the one thing that would make me wish for death. I'd hope so at least. My wish is that, in our dying moments, we reach some kind of acceptance. I've seen people die though, and the only emotion I could sense was fear, so we probably aren't that lucky.

Anonymage 02/19/26 (Thu) 17:28:06 No.305949

I believe life is limited and one-time only, then it is the afterlife forever. no re-rolls or extra time. Souls also go to an "appropiate" place depending on good and evil and you don't get to decide.

Anonymage 02/19/26 (Thu) 19:22:15 No.305950

>>305937
a miracle going your way
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/PEb537ywgHM

Anonymage 02/20/26 (Fri) 00:50:25 No.305956

The living should be concerned with what they know, which is life. Death we know nothing about. Logically it’s just a limit notation to mark the end points of what belongs to life. We don’t know death by itself but only for what it appears to be from the perspective of life, it’s not a concept of something specific for us but a concept of a brink of knowledge. If you’re materialistic then you come to the conclusion that you found but then again as a materialist then you lack the fantasy to think about the unimaginable.

Anonymage 02/20/26 (Fri) 04:09:20 No.305959

>>305956
Life can be shared. But all the knowledge one gets from death, its private and kept to yourself. Maybe there is an afterlife, but you cannot share the truth about death with anyone. It's a deeply personal reality that you must experience for yourself.

Anonymage 02/22/26 (Sun) 00:12:23 No.305994

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>>305949
makes more sense than mainstream ideas of religion what if someone is born with a sick mind and loves violence and hurting others they don't fit in society and they don't fit in any peaceful afterlife maybw they fit those eternal war asian afterlives of budhism or paganism some veterans of ww2 and alike lost limbs and body parts and the bastards still wanted more while others just enduring modern life schools or work is unbearable torture but society thinks everyone is the same all family of human beings which makes it for the worst torture chambers in a human history

Anonymage 02/22/26 (Sun) 10:39:34 No.306000

>>305994
I'm a Christian and I don't get why you connect my view with buddhism and paganism. St Aquinas describes the souls of evil people as wanting nothing more than meaningless torment even saying the tears they shed in Hell is because they can no longer torment good people.
This judgement by Christ is still involuntary and permanent and could be seen as punishment by some people.

Anonymage 02/23/26 (Mon) 19:19:13 No.306014

Back when I was 14 or so, I had a following idea: consciousness halts at the moments of your death, but if you cannot remember your dream because you dont wake up, there is no dream then. So the last thing you feel is the feeling that stays with you. Forever.

Death row convicted people have it easier than anyone else, drugged into not feeling a thing and such.

Anonymage 02/24/26 (Tue) 16:47:06 No.306023

I reduce it to numbers. I really shouldn't, quality of life should be the goal even if I die this week. I guess the thought is having thousands (or maybe 10's of thousands) of days left on the planet is plenty of time to see interesting things and challenge the mind.

Anonymage 02/24/26 (Tue) 23:55:37 No.306026

you're in pain, so your self preservation instincts are constantly on high alert. you definitely sleep ok, eat ok and don't overly exert yourself, so that's what keeps things running. i don't know what you're trying to cope with

Anonymage 03/02/26 (Mon) 13:39:53 No.306128

>>306000
Oh! Nice round number!
Please tell more on St. Aquinas part of the question

Anonymage 03/05/26 (Thu) 15:54:13 No.306168

>>306128
evil people just are like that and live for it
can you look at someone like Epstein and imagine there is even the tiniest amount of goodness or purity, anything but the ultimate depravity in him?
there is no good guy inside the high school bully, just someone seeking to do nothing but torment
so when they die they go to the ultimate evil and depravity, that is hell

Anonymage 03/05/26 (Thu) 16:45:23 No.306169

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I'm sorry took a while to gather the energy to reply to anything at all, wont reply to everyone, but thanks for contributing regardless.

>>305943
I'm no longer in a state prior to birth nor do I have any recollection of such.
Therefore it is reasonable to fear what comes after, at least in my eyes.

You might be spot on in some sense, I do suffer from quite a lot of ailments as described, but over all I'm sure I'm blessed compared to many.

Suffering is relative.

A strong person might think what I suffer from is nothing.
To me the suffering of a virgin normie is nothing as well, yet some just blow their brains out for not getting a female demon of their own.
Does any of that matter? Not to me. I'm sure it will get worse, I'm sure I'll suffer more as I age, I might even wish for death later.

Still I don't want to be shut down forever. I would prefer to persist, even if just a specter. I don't desire survival I desire to remain, for my awareness to continue for eternity.
For you maybe that counts as this survival instinct too, but I don't believe so.
Wanting pain to stop and wanting to not exist anymore is not the same for me.

>>305956
>you lack the fantasy to think about the unimaginable.
Maybe. If you have the inclination, do share your thoughts and conclusions when pondering your nonexistence.
Every time I try to think deeply or imagine such I can quite literally feel my body shutting down. Like I'm killing myself without action, just choice, embracing death, sinking, falling, the pressure mounting, light fading, breathing halts…
It's a horrific experience. Not even remotely close to that of falling asleep for example, even if the process might be similar.

>>306023
While you sparked my desire to respond I wish I actually had something to say.
I wonder, how do you keep this framework going on a day-to-day basis? Is this some kind of memento mori practice for you?
The second part of your post hurts a bit, since I don't do much.
Even though I'm so desperately attached to my being, I don't take advantage of it at all. Perhaps I should try some new spices, cheeses and experiences.
Some novelty wouldn't hurt.

Anonymage 03/05/26 (Thu) 19:44:11 No.306172

>>305937
I'm in a similar boat. Life not worth living, but death is a taboo for me. The thought of not existing gives me have anxiety attacks; the thought of eternal existence, good or bad, fills me with dread. I'm a prisoner of my own flesh.