No.306959
I have a lot of faults of my own, perhaps my current predicament is entirely my fault. I have no friends. No one to talk to. But things are worse, I was born and currently live in a really hated country on this planet but regardless it could've always been worse, I could've been a prisoner in North Korea or on the menu in Africa for a good hearty meaty meal.
The true tragedy is I am significantly over than 21, I have a very rocky relationship with my parents, who abused the hell out of me, and I literally shake and tremble in fear when my parents are angry, I can feel pain in my heart. But guess what I am over 21 years of age and they are not bound by any law to take any care of me at all but they still do, they have also helped me a lot, while I don't wish them harm, I do wish I lived away from them.
And of course I am unemployed, to a great extent, I get talked down on daily basis, while I am grateful for what my parents have done for me, I am grateful for what normies have done for me by making wonderful things like mobiles and games. I do not like the fact that my father has a carte blanche to say anything to me and do anything to me, I am grateful for society for giving me mobiles and games, as I said. But I don't like how my value is only derived from what I earn.
If I don't earn, I am a pest, a drain on resources, my parents treat me like I am disposable, with no respect, at all. And why should they cause love isn't unconditional because if they loved me unconditionally, maybe I would've abused them instead. No such thing as that.
I just want to die but I am terrified of dying without living for once. I live in an honor culture mixed with Western Style liberalism and as an unemployed person, I am the lowest common denominator in them. Money has somehow turned out to be more important than I expected it to be, I mean money is water, money is food, and money is roof. I knew that but I didn't knew how.
I have never spent a day of my life that wasn't in constant anxiety and worrying about something, not a single day in my life where I could claim that 'Yes, it was a good day.'. Perhaps I am like one of those weird females who don't want solutions to their problems but they just want to be heard, when they talk, if you know what I mean. And it surprises me that I have an iota in common with succubi.
As I said a lot of fault lies with me, I have tried for jobs, and tried for online ways to earn. But perhaps, I don't want to try, perhaps I want to kick the can down the road, just to play one level of a game.
And I know that there are three ways to live a life. The best to worst, according to me is to: Improve your life, Kill myself, or the worst: do nothing, where your life is getting worse day after day and you do nothing at all, this is the worst because it is torture, and that's who I am, a coward, a good for nothing unemployed manlet, whose only achievement is button smashing in video games. I don't even know what I want, even if I have a friend, what will I talk about, to be honest I am a burden on this board as well cause I have nothing to say, nothing to do, I just exist in this world and the existence hurts, I just want to live in a way that I feel like I am ready for the new day, excited in the morning. I want to die but not before I live.
No.306965
getting a job won't stop your parents from abusing you. the real reason you are the punching bag is because you are weak and they can get away with it. there are no consequences to verbally or physically abusing you. and to top it off, you also believe you rightfully deserve it, so they don't even have to fear you hating them or feel guilty.
this is not your fault. the real problem is life itself, society is built up on these chains of abusers, power structures dictated by biology, customs, even ideas. your father gets yelled at work by his own boss, the boss gets yelled at by his shareholders or clients, and so on. each of them copes with their frustrations by exercising power on those weaker than them. many wizards that live with their parents earn money, they're worth their weight and then some, but did the abuse stop? of course it didn't, the parents still see them as weak and subservient, so they exercise what little power they have and yell at them for having fun on the computer or not reaching so-and-so milestone or whatever, they can always find something.
you should try to gain power in this relationship. when your mother or father berates you for something, make sure you do the opposite. if they say be careful with so-and-so, make sure you deliberately fuck it up and have them witness that it was to spite them. eventually they will think twice before speaking up. then, make sure that you are always enjoying yourself and being happy (even when you really aren't). if they come home from work and they are demonstrating or complaining how tired they are, tell them about your day where you did absolutely nothing and make sure they understand that they are fundamentally under you. they slave while you stay at home and enjoy yourself, guilt free! initially, this might anger them, but if you stay on that anger and hold your ground, they will give up, because they are fundamentally also weak. they are fighting on another front already, they lack the energy, they will eventually say, ah, let him be, there is nothing to be done. and that, is when you win. when you morally defeat them and turn the suffering on them.
you shouldn't feel guilty about being a leech, wiz. it's your one source of power. you have no money, no friends, you don't even have peace in your own home. you should use it, make your parents suffer, make them regret the pleasure they had while fornicating, let them regret the sweet act that brought you into this world of suffering. yes, that is when you truly win. then with that mindset, go out into the world and dish out more punishment. treat only those with kindness that treat you FIRST with kindness, everyone else deserves the back of your hand. that is how you earn respect and that is how you live in this world.