No.307706
Why do us humans have to be so alone? I feel that despite having options to live and exist and do things we still are so very dependent on this biological programming to seek connection. I don't know how to say this but I honestly, often hate myself for seeking it from other people — trying to make friends who would listen, or talk, or at least stay. I know people are very busy and have no time to stay to listen and understand other people's loneliness but I typically wonder if I could just have one person, not a therapist, just one genuinely good person who would not be judgemental (although they could be if they have any good advice) and would just listen to me like I matter; my situation is not something I am making up, this is me, suffering from being an outlier who has tried so hard to be a part of normal people but just couldn't. I really tried, but the performance was too much (although calling it a performance would be hypocritical). I could not do it, everyday I felt I was lying to myself, there was a small part of whatever honesty left was leaving me everyday, slowly but I could feel it. I did't know if I am living or lying. How long can I continue with this? Even when alone one, doing his work, to push through shouldn't there be a part within him that calls for an alignment with his honest self? I feel I lack that, it feels so pretentious to be existing. I don't wanna leave everything and just run away because I am not strong enough but I wonder if I could continue like this, and even if I could, calling that just a part of being human and a lot of other (fellow wizards) are going through the same, I don't know how long I could go on without completely going insane.
No.307707
conjure a tulpa