/dep/ - Depression

>>307723
>it's like the part of my brain that's responsible for human contact was amputated at birth
Or maybe you have brain damage from having your foreskin amputated at birth.

>>307723

if you dont have / havent had most of what waslisted by 18 - 21. it ll never take place. you ll be runnin full speed to get even one. And, by 30+ you ll be pretty well locked in, cause if you do try to socialize it ll Be: WOA FUCK you never had most basic social milestone.

And, by said point, early 30 s, person usually decides. ok i will be a total shut in.

You dont see many of said dudes on here anymore, but, never worked, no savins, no social connections, etc… late 40s, and a hair from bein homeless. Said dudes, i believe back in mid 2010s were in wiz tryin to sell idea of its cool to be homeless

>>307725

this

>>307723
>it's like the part of my brain that's responsible for human contact was amputated at birth

no, it just never developed and after a certain age, the brain just calcifies and you can't change it. we're fundamentally victims of poverty, not of money or resources, but experiences. if you don't have the right experiences by a certain age, it's over, it doesn't matter if you have it later or 100x stronger, it will barely register compared to when you were young. that's why the cope of "oh but you're only 20 years old, you have your whole life ahead of you" is so laughable.

even if someone gave me friends and a gf on a silver plater, i wouldn't know what to do with them, i would feel nothing. the part of my brain responsible for social contact is permastuck in arrested development.

>>307723
>I always thought these things would naturally come to me
why would they? you only get friends and girlfriends if you have something to offer.
like you want internet friends then its more likely they will befriend you if you are good at the game or you are entertaining to talk to.
if you dont have that nobody is ever gonna send you a friend request ever.
same with succubi, they want a guy who looks healthy and like he has his shit figured out and has stuff going for him.
like hes entertaining, knows how to fuck, has money to spend and will keep the roastie happy by playing along in her bullshit and in exchange he gets sex and companionship.
as soon as the guy cant provide any of these things to people they will abandon him and dump him for someone who does.
and friendships and relationships dont last forever anyway, they are things you constantly have to work on. if you dont they dry up like plants and die off.

I agree with the posters above. Even if you would suddenly get the opportunity to have these things - friends, gf, positive informal social contact - it would be s burden and you could barely appreciate it because it gives you so much worry, pressure, exposition. You would always have to worry about keeping the friend, about entertaining them and doing everything correct, going to an invitation even when you don't want to, be careful about what you say, help them whilst you can't simply expect them to help you especially if you haven't been friends for a long time and when they have a much richer and more successful social life so it wouldn't hurt them if they dropped you while you would be dependent on them and sacrifice a lot more just to keep in touch. Think about whether that's really worth it and try to appreciate the freedom of being alone. Social connections only are worth it if you have a network of people and of you are not dependent on single persons, and also the people that grow up like that have experience for how this works for 20-30 years so it's easy for them almost automatic, they know how to deal with these things by instinct. While for you it would take all your mental emotional psychological resources to start and maintain a relation and you would again think about it and worry too much, it would be much more exhausting.

>>307723
There's a reason the 25+ threads started at 25.

Once you reach 30-35, this is where you do damage control so the later years of your life aren't stressful. This place has been running low on wizards for some time but the thing you seldom hear is life is hard on your own *if* you don't take of yourself before you reach that age and don't have things tailored to living on your own.

>>307729
>not of money or resources
That too.

>>307724
do you really believe that piece of sheet? yeah you do of course, you'd believe everything that goes your way

>>307723
Similar, but not the same.
I had 4 (one at a time) friends in my life, people that I parasitically attached myself to basically. People to talk to… or talk at.
I could never really handle having more connections than one at a time.
Even those in hindsight proved to be one sided which is fine. I don't think I ever loved anyone or felt loved either for that matter.
Not even parental love.
I don't know. Something is broken and not in an edgy way, but in a "I don't think my brain is alright" kinda way.
Several times during beatings or otherwise I hit my head really bad. I wouldn't be surprised if I had some kind of brain damage.

I do yearn for some sort of connection with people, but it simply isn't in the cards.
Just simple communication feels impossible even though my job involves talking to people. It feels like whenever I try to communicate something gets lost in transit and nobody ever understands my intent or intended message.
I sometimes record myself and listen back to what I said just to make sure I wasn't completely detached and I think I did fine… I don't get it.

On another note, even if I gained some form of companionship I don't think I would know what to do with it.
It's like I want something I don't really want at the same time. Maintaining connections seems like a major burden. Who knows.
At least NPCs like me.

>>307743
Ah right OP mentioned age, I'm turning 30 shortly, very soon actually. A matter of days. Wonder if I'll feel any different.
I'll be ordering something delicious.

>>307743
>azata
Gay.

>>307745
I find myself desiring cutesy silly fun stuff as I get older.
It is what it is.
I can't stomach drama or "realistic" shit anymore. Not a homosexual though thankfully.

>>307723
I am nearing 30. I've been like that all my life. I have a friend but we share just the basic stuff, going to the same school, knowing same people, not that much in common.
When I was much younger I had several bouts of 'I can find myself friends and maybe even a cute girlfriend like in one of them animes'. It never went anywere. My attempts at finding friends get crushed by the fact most people i've encountered in my life are just plain retards with whom I can't discuss anything. We just don't share anything with them. I realized what's the point? I'd rather be in my own company that waste time and effort on fruitless relationships.

>>307747
>When I was much younger I had several bouts of 'I can find myself friends and maybe even a cute girlfriend like in one of them animes'. It never went anywere.
My vampire wife will arrive any minute now.
A yukionna will do as well.

>with whom I can't discuss anything.
What would you like to discuss with friends?
I used to have stuff I cared about and stuff I wanted to talk about with people, but nowadays I just don't have any interests or things to share.
I have to wonder why I even desire such a thing anymore in that case.

>>307748
>What would you like to discuss with friends?
What first comes to mind, vidyagames. Discussing what we playan or ever playing them with a friend somehow. That seems so alien.

I can share some experience with this.

If you haven't reached any milestones by your late 20s, now is the very last chance. After that it's well and truly over. I wageslaved during my 20s, thinking that if I just work hard I'll naturally meet cool people and maybe get a gf. However I was an awkward sperg which is why I spent all my time working, not really understanding how to socialize.

In my 30s I can't form a connection with anyone now on pretty much any level. I have a career sure, so at least I'm not homeless, but that's it.

Your brain does indeed calcify and what skills you perfect in your 20s are what you're stuck with.

>>307723
we can be friend you know :3
except we cant because youre too retarded lul.

>>307731
>if you dont they dry up like plants and die off.
Great line.

>>307731
Depressingly true.
I used to have online friends when I was a fun clown in MMOs and later when I was hardcore high rank in a moba…
Never since.
Though to be fair I never looked for them outright either or asked to join or whatever.
>dry up like plants and die off.
Unfortunately. If you have a multiyear or decade long lay-down-and-rot episode you are just stuck alone forever.

>>307949
>Unfortunately. If you have a multiyear or decade long lay-down-and-rot episode you are just stuck alone forever.

No social obligations, no letting people down, no emotional stress from others, a lot cheaper without stuff like dinners and events, no helping people move, maximum free time for hobbies, interests, etc.

so it's not necessarily "unfortunately", but it is true… very hard to recover from looooong breaks of many things

somethings come back like riding a bike…

others truly atrophy and die.

or you just give up and don't try anymore so it might as well be dead…just slowly rotting

>Though to be fair I never looked for them outright

Were you just not motivated? Or was something holding you back

>>307958
That all sounds nice, but I was killing myself mentally.
Stress and neglect combined ruined my health for good in many ways.
>or you just give up and don't try anymore so it might as well be dead…just slowly rotting
Pretty much. At some point I just surrendered. I truly tried to do a lot of things, maybe it's some mental problem, but I could just never act on anything that wasn't directly stimulating.
At some point even those lost any appeal.

>others truly atrophy and die.
Indeed, to the point where I developed panic attacks whenever I'm around people or even talk to them over voice calls lately.
I can't even control it. It's very weird.

>Were you just not motivated? Or was something holding you back
Much was lost as you say. I lost interest in most if not all things and without caring about anything, what do you even talk about with people?
I asked an anon this above >>307748 and the response was as expected… they don't have much to talk about with people either.
What would I even do if I had friends? I can't tell you.

I was motivated for a bit.
I tried to reignite a passion for yugioh (childhood love) spent a good chunk of time going to local gatherings, but it didn't work out.
I couldn't connect to people at all aside from the somewhat forced interactions due to the nature of the engagement/game.
The panic attacks got worse too, but I forced it for almost a year.
Worst part? The passion wasn't there. I just didn't care.
I just forced myself to, pretended to, WANTED to get into it again. I still want to, but the effort, the spark for action isn't there. Might just be some ADHD like thing with my brain that blocks me from pursuing things without feeling like it's pulling teeth.

Perhaps it really is just this part. "The passion wasn't there. I just didn't care." I want it in my head, but clearly not badly enough and even if I had it I wouldn't know what to do with it.

Another part is of course alienation. I'm no longer young, just turned 30. Going on a discord group is just alien to me.
There are no other avenues for people my age. No college, school or anything like that.

>>307723
>Very late 20s. Never been on a date, never been approached. Never had any friends, only acquaintances
All that plus, never had a job, never had any respect, never had any friends either to confide to like you and the ones that I did have never really talked to me after school/college etc. I just wish everyday that I go and sleep that this sleep should be my last.
>>307729
>we're fundamentally victims of poverty, not of money or resources, but experiences. if you don't have the right experiences by a certain age, it's over
completely agree with that except I am actually a victim of being short on money and resources as well
>even if someone gave me friends and a gf on a silver plater, i wouldn't know what to do with them, i would feel nothing
This is where I would partially disagree with you, while it's true that it would be hard to navigate a situation like this, I doubt that people can truly accept and find solace without having someone, hate to say it, but I think all of us hooomans are wired the same way, even introverts, and recluses. That to some degree, their biology, their heart, and mind require someone to be with them for companionship.

>>307958
>maximum free time for hobbies, interests, etc.
Unless you're a programmer, you are basically stuck reading books and watching anime if you wish to avoid social obligations, letting people down and emotional stress from others.