/dep/ - Depression

>~ Emil Cioran ; The Trouble With Being Born
More like
~ Emo Cryin' ; 1,000 ways to say that I'm a whiny nerd

I'm being alienated by my government in my own home country, but I still have an earned sense of belonging among my people.

Yes I'm alienated from human kind as I am a fully disabled individual who talks to his hallucinations, I really feel the trouble of being born.

>>308437
It used to hurt when I was younger and less certain of myself. When I was still thinking that being alienated was something to be ashamed of and that the best thing would be to just be part of the crowd. I have some memories of being dragged to places by friends from school. I once went to the local fair with them and in the crowd I felt this absurd sense of being a foreign body, of not belonging at all, and it was the first time it felt like a relief or peace. Another time there was this school event where the entire grade was doing some party or another in a local pub. It wasn't mandatory to go or anything, apart from the clear social punishment you'd receive if you skipped out. I remember standing in front of that place, watching people I sort of knew and some friends enter. And then I turned around and walked home. Again, with the sweet and maybe a little twisted satisfaction of not being able to make myself fit in, of walking my own path.
I believe you grow into it as you get older. By now I am fully comfortable with being an alien

>>308438
>among my people
So not wizards I take it?

I comprehended I wasn't a normie a long time ago and this does not cause negative feelings.

>>308438
well, it’s easy doing that when you’re a 50 IQ monkey who can derive meaning and worth from supposedly belong to a pack of other monkeys, but for intelligent people that’s not a solution that’s why you can’t comprehend cioran

I never really understood why people like interacting with other people, like they even organize events in their free time just to meet other people as if work wasn't already too much. I just don't know how anyone can enjoy this as their free choice when it's not necessary to survive.

>Is the feeling of alienation familiar to you?
yes thanks to whoever/whatever i've never known what it's like to belong literally anywhere. i've never been invited twice to any group activity and i've never wanted to be invited even once in the first place. my level of socialization is basically only slightly above zero by virtue of my middle school being a survive-it-yourself shithole.
>Does it hurt?
idk not really when i'm drunk otherwise not really either idk i don't care as much as i used to i guess. well sometimes it does feel bad that i can't even connect with some retards on imageboards but i guess i don't care that much anyway after all. yeah i get what you mean but idk it's not my fault people are so insufferable

>>308469
i mean, you just identified why you dont understand: theres a difference between instanced, contextualized social tampon tier work socialization, and voluntary, extracurricular "i like you, you like me, lets spend time together" real world stuff.

or at least i imagine, the latter is something ive basically never experienced, but i can see how it could actually be enjoyable and satiating as opposed to the former. i can only think back to being about 12 going on a schooltrip with friends when had a great time. lost them all a few years later though :)

if you somehow, in some unicorn scenario in adulthood, manage to accrue a collection of people you actually like who you're comfortable around, i can see how that would be fun, liberating even. never gonna happen though lol. if you dont go to uni and make friends seems like youre never gonna have any, just morsels of empty shituational relationshits instead.

as for answering the op. yes ive always felt alienated. always been relegated to the periphery, never knew what to do about it, spawnkilled my life.