/dep/ - Depression

>I am always lamenting all of my errors of the past
I sometimes remind myself that all memories only exist in the current moment when I remember unpleasant things.

The first is just natural instinct trying to manipulate you for no reason, the second it's a conscious and obvious decision. It's clear which one wins

Maybe we are not meant to live life. Maybe we are not meant for love or intimacy or maybe it's the world that is not meant for us. Just gotta deal with it somehow.

>>309114
interesting as if the thing that is everpresent is the flipping coin itself, not the faces. who or what is the 'coin' and who or what is doing the flipping?

seclude yourself and create a tulpa.
or, seek out connection but in the right places. the average NPC isn't the right fit for a wizardly soul.

The meatspace is horrible and an illusion, the wired is just a dead end and a fantasy within a fantasy, what people really want is to escape being.

>>309116
smart answer
i always believed friendship was unworthy of any concern
people can not connect too much on a personal level
we are animals in the end.

>>309141
>friendship was unworthy of any concern
Philosophy says otherwise

>>309141
Thats a sad way of thinking
Im sure its possible, my frequency is just out of alignment and cant be recieved properly by others
Unfortunate

>>309141
That cope only works if you're a schizoid

I feel like people who are able to show affection have some kind of ability that I'll never have, I saw a succubus the other day talking to a bird in a sort of affectionate way and I realized that I'd never do that

The logical part of my brain says that it's meaningless, she'll turn around and eat a bird and cook its eggs right after as if nothing happened, but I sometimes worry about that, I always look at things in this analytical way to a degree that it prevents me from forming connections with people, the thought of being old and all alone makes me uncomfortable and I'm afraid I might end up like that

>>309183
you have the ability, it's just suppressed because acting like that would get you bullied and humiliated as a man. succubi can afford to express their full spectrum of emotions, they can be lovey dovey with their dogs and babies and they can be cheerful and dance and sing in public because no one has ever told them to shut the fuck up and shamed them for it.

find a stray cat or puppy and just pat that lil fella like there's no tomorrow. i remember this one time i pet this cat in front of my apartment building and it was pouring and everything and i could feel a wave of sudden emotion come up out of nowhere and just overwhelm me, almost started crying. yeah, the ability is there, it's just… suppressed.

not agreeing or disagreeing but some people (like me) have broken brain and really can't show affection. it's not that affection is something unknown to me, or something i don't understand, or something i can't do. it's just that i can't sustain it. i can't care about people enough to keep them in my head. so "affection" is something that just evaporates

>>309186
I think you're right wiz, it's just been too long since I've been around an animal

I find it strange though that most household pets are actually predators, I know that in dogs that instinct has been largely suppressed through selective breeding but it's still there and can surface at any time. Even though they're predators though it doesn't mean that they aren't capable of being affectionate, but there's always a part of me that wonders if it isn't just a means to an end, even birds are capable of psychological manipulation

I sometimes give food to a raven that comes by, maybe I'll be able to tame him some day

>>309190
it's definitely a means to an end. cats like to snuggle up to you and you think "oh she luvs me" but in reality you're just a warm place that consistently generates food and stimulating scratches. animals are not capable of "love" in the same way, but the reactions they give to petting and feeding them is its own reward. they seem happy and that makes you happy in return. maybe its the same way with humans, you act affectionate towards someone because you know it makes them feel good (or at least you imagine that's the case), so making someone else feel good makes you feel good. its a very core circuit, you can't just shut it off or break it.

>>309189
it's unlikely it's broken, just suppressed or under-activated. i got emotional because it was probably several years since i just played with a cute animal and her cute reaction caught me by surprise, just activated something inside me that i thought i lost. usually i'm hikkimaxxing and when i'm walking outside i'm just looking to get home as fast as possible. i sort of understand why lonely people have pets because the touch starvation is probably the worst part, novelty and gossip you can always get on the internet.

>>309198
I'd like to keep goats some day, they're actually very affectionate animals and not predatory, I became a vegetarian about 5 years ago so I feel somewhat incompatible at this point with predatory animals, obviously you need money for that though and lots of space. But thats a goal for me and Id say its important to have a goal

>>309198
also there's a beneficial thing happening internally when you are caring for another creature. Esp being kind/patient to a disobedient dog, or tolerating a cat's moodiness and still lovin' them. It's good practice cus it's easy to do for an animal. But that same circuit can apply to the self, or to other people.

Like it's easy to feed your pet. Why does it sometimes feel impossible to feed your self? We need to tend for our own needs too and be our own caretakers.

>>309114
Honestly, I don't crave that. I think I've done quite enough of it for 11 years. I miss the days of just being in my room, locked away, quiet.

When you are happy being alone they will find other ways to make you suffer

>>309218
I miss those days too, Wiz.
I miss staying in my room, instead of having to work, deal with people and fake smile just to earn "paycheck". Life was never worth it, and it never will be!
That's the truth.
Damn.

>>309201
I used to eyeroll when the vegans or vegetarians talked about their cats and dogs. I realize humans are walking contradictions but giving them a free pass because they are fluffy and cute is just too on point. Good luck on goat goals, I went with birds (parakeets) with similar vibes myself.

>>309262
I was also thinking of getting a bird like a parrot but I don't like to keep animals and especially birds in a cage

Though boundaries are important to keep animals safe, but there's something soul crushing about seeing an animal that is naturally the most free stuck in a cage

>>309263
Somewhat sad in a way, you have to break their spirit. They become excited for food, being let out, and to see you. It's not the natural way but flags the reward centers in their brains. I'm glad I had the experience but probably wouldn't do it again.

I feel you, it's like touching a hot stove, only to feel the overwhelming urge to touch it again, even though you know what's going to happen and you do it anyway, ad infinitum.

>>309114
sounds like you need to find some middle ground.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Af-k9sTAYEQ&ra=m

there.is no.middle ground