/dep/ - Depression

>>310238
you can spend a very long time close to killing yourself. that last 1% over the edge is a big push

>>310238
Find purpose outside of yourself. Veganism, intactivism, abortion abolitionism, effective altruism

>>310241
>Veganism
That's a great way to make life shorter, and also to cultivate cortisol so it feels worse.

>i hate myself

well, there you go. they don't hate themselves, they actually LOVE themselves and think they deserve good things in life and that they are never wrong. if you're a good person, the weight of life will crush you. it's hard not to feel constant guilt and shame if you're actually looking at everything in a true way. only those that can compartmentalize and suppress reality can survive. unfortunately, if you are here, you do not have this "talent" and you will suffer until you die.

I live in an apartment building with a spiral staircase with a big-ish open center.
In my alcoholism i have thought and gotten out there just to debate it. jumping down.
At the bottom of the staircase is a basement that belongs to a family restaurant that has the bottom floor of the building.
I don't want to put that on them, but i was thinking of this and things about assulting to kill strangers still up to just recently.

i feel better now which i thank to making a friend and reconnecting with another friend both on steam.
i failed to do my end of the mingling job as a friend with the ladder.
i talk with them almost everyday even if limited messages, i have shown them images of my job and life, they are real friends to me.
i got into pc mouse drawing thanks to the new friend who is an artist in the mlp space. Knowing i had decent ability for it, i tried. i really enjoy it now.

I'm still drinking and i sit at my pc all day after work with nothing going on but i have something now that i dont want to go without, if i lost these friends one day, that would really fuck me up.
i have not had friends like this since i was 11. i am 25

>>310262
It's been 3 months with these 2 people. Making the new friend got me to reach out for the older one pretty quickly. this was one of my first draws

Main reason for me is not hurting my family. Apart from that I would have probably planned it already.

same, I think I will be really gone soon

>>310238
its simply not bad enough. total paralysis or getting funkytown'd by drones or something would probably make me willing