No.310789
It was a few years later for me. I had these manic visions of hope where I'd suddenly find success and acceptance. But by the time I could buy alcohol I had reason to drink.
No.310790
Got depressed at 15-16 and never got better
No.310805
I think around 5 or 6 I knew something wasn't right. I had no clue if It was me or the others, I think I must have thought everyone else was just mean. I guess I was right, but I wasn't thinking about why I am also a problem whether it's my fault or not. So I was always kind of averse to the world in large. Around 15 is when I knew shit was entirely fucked up and I decided to just focus purely on protecting myself and my sanity/comfort. I had spikes of hope, but those just made it worse in reality. It's way less painful being negative. Imagine going through a shitty life trying to force a SpongeBob level persona only to know deep down you aren't valued.
No.310818
>>310812forgot too add my age when I was black pilled and learned of shit was around age 13, thats the age where all my childish joy ended forever
No.310837
>>310788I don't know, I am in the "there's someone toying with me all the time"\"the coincidences aren't coincidental" pack, not the gang of
>"We really are meant to just fuck around and die eventually. The fuck do I do?" No.310843
I was blackpilled when I was 4
No.310844
>>310843Nah you were brown pilling yourself then
No.310845
>>310844I'm cooler than you
No.310846
>>310845Brown pilling yourself aint cool kid
No.310848
>>310846I was blackpilled at 4 when you were still blued pilled at this age
No.310853
>>310852based as fuck frankly
thing with me is I got blackpilled multiple times in life pretty much exactly how OP says, at 12-13 to start with but this got reinforced at least two more times, 16-17 and 19-20. throughout all that, and ever since then the idea of going back across my own personal Rubicon(s) has ranged from "conceivable yet hardly desirable" to "downright hilariously unlikely"
No.310868
>>310867nice projection, but I hope you find peace and come to terms that it don't matter, i'm gonna enjoy the fuck out of this life before i go
No.310899
I remember being a kid and actually thinking I was going to make something out of life, have good health, etcetera.
Then during my high school years (14-15) I had a reality check that isn't wrong up until this day.
No.310926
>>310788By 16-17 I panicked when I realized that I had absolutely no fucking clue what I wanted to be, and it spiraled from there.
No.310941
>>310788I became an isolated loser around 25. I realized that normies are all wearing a performative, socially acceptable mask and just arbitrarily ghosted everyone, changed my phone number, and moved to the other side of the country. its been 10 years and i don't talk to anyone except whats necessary to keep the peace at work
No.311581
>>310788When I was 12 I was failing very badly at socialising and sensing that I was the bottom of the pile. I had this vision of the future, one day I'll have to get a job and prove myself, if I cant even convince people to like me now what hope do I have in the real world? I was right.
No.311583
I always felt different and alien but the depression didn't come until I was 14 or 15
No.311585
13 was about the age when i stopped being a child. I switched school to live in a very soulless town. I lost nearly all my friends from the last school and was viciously bullied in those couple of years. For me the covid period was a blessing (if you dont count the countless deaths in my family) not having to interact with any of the normies and bullies.
During which i spent my time as a hikineet in my room mostly sleeping. Until some time i started college and graduated, and now i have begun in uni. I still am alone and while the world around me has not been getting better but things have been slowly getting less hard maybe i have gotten older..
No.311689
Can't even attend Orthodoxal mass without realizing everyone is going to slurp from the same spoon. Every Stacey, every C-kun… every nose-picking Bryan, too.
No.311690
>>311689That should be the least of your concerns
No.311700
>>311686At a certain point your thinking just becomes dominated by this craving for the end
No.311702
>>311700Yeah, I don't think I've gone through a single day without thinking about dying at least once since then.