/dep/ - Depression

I need to vent bros. Faggot blog post incoming.

I've never felt so low. Basically, I used to know this succubus called Lillian in secondary school when I was 16. We didn't know each other very well, but we shared a science class together and we sat next to each other. We started talking and I've never felt this comfortable talking to a succubus ever before. I didn't have to mask myself around her. Her smile was so cute, her eyes were pretty. She looked kinda like the "Hit or Miss" succubus when she smiled.

At one point she asked me "do you like me?" This was so long ago that I'm not 100% sure if it even happened. But I replied with "no" in a kinda dismissive way. The reason I say that was because I thought I liked someone else, but I was wrong. I only liked the idea of that person, but I actually liked Lillian as a person. My stupid 16 year old brain didn't know the difference between those two things.

Fast forward 6 years later to the current day, I tried to follow her on instagram. I had to follow her before messaging her cause her account was private. My plan was just to tell her that she had helped me in a dark time of my life and I would have basically no good memories of my teenage years if it wasn't for her. I wanted to apologize for rejecting her and explain why I did it. That's all. I wanted to thank her and apologize.

When I put my phone down I fantasized about how the conversation would go. My retarded brain fantasized about how we would somehow get into a relationship and meet each other, even though I didn't consider that as a real possibility.

A couple of hours later I check on my phone and I realize that she rejected my follow request. I didn't believe it at first but my heart sank. I just couldn't understand. Maybe she was still resentful because I rejected her. Maybe she just didn't care about me anymore or never did in the first place.

The only good memories of my teenage years have been soured. I can't think about those memories anymore.