No.311401
I'm gonna try and be objective for a change, and say that despite being a 33 year old loser, I'm probably still better off than most people on paper. I'm able bodied, I'm (probably) not mentally deficient, I'm (probably) not hideous, I still have family that support me, I don't have trauma, and I'm not in some kind of terrible situation that I can't get out of.
Despite all that however, I simply don't have any will to improve the parts of my life I'm unhappy with. I feel like it'd be so easy for me to learn to drive again, to join some kind of social club or just be more proactive in talking to people online, but I just will not do it. And it's not like I'm generally miserable or have a problem getting up in the morning or getting things done. I can get up and go to work, I can act like I'm perfectly fine to my family, I can still enjoy video games or jerking off, but it's like there's a block in my brain about this specifically.
Am I afraid? Afraid of saying something wrong again and turning everyone off? Afraid that, even though I'm usually very self-deprecating, it's all just a defense mechanism and if I found out that everyone hates me for real real it would hurt more?
Or is it some kind of autism to actually practice what I preach in my head? Because I feel like asking for help in a real way wouldn't be something that someone who truly hates themselves and thinks they don't deserve to live would do.
Or deep inside, do I believe that this is actually just me, and if I changed these parts I would be fake and not myself anymore?
Either way it feels so ingrained in me, it might as well be my actual personally. I've been bouncing these thoughts in my head for a while and I don't really know where to go from here.
No.311402
You seem like a normie, not even a failed normie.