/dep/ - Depression

>>297385
People talk about lonliness, but, i only feel lonely when i am amongst people.

>>297386
every monday i have to go hiking with the day hospital because i have schizophrenia and i am tied to the hospital so. i go hiking with an old man and two zoomers and two accompanying nurses. today the zoomers were saying anything and doing anything and it pissed me off a lot, more than usual. because of that, i am jaded and depressed. what happened doesn't matter, what matters is how I feel and if every interaction feels like that with normalfags then I'm fucked because I can't handle too much situation like that in my life

>>297389
I had an incident like that yesterday which i wrote about here https://wizchan.org/dep/res/294941.html#q297362 , i am sure you have it way worse given that they tried to interact with you

>>297391
I read your story. Im the one who asked you if they had a butler and ask you to describe what happened. you had it bad too because it feels like you're being betrayed by your family, isn't it?

>>297387
same

>>297394
Not really, I just know I can't belong amongst them and I am seen as a low-life by them, it's a mix of lack of confidence and the social anxiety of being a long-term shut-in.

I too can sense people's hostility and how they're disgusted by me. I'm sure they talk behind my back and laugh at me too. But I wonder how much of those feelings are true, and even if, should I really care? So I escape and isolate myself whenever I can, and just do my thing like playang vidya, listaning to music, and reading wikapedia. That's what I recommend.

>>297397
Yes, it's ideal, I was just too bored from the same routine, it was not even the first time such things happen, it was all my fault, I won't repeat it again.

>>297397
>I'm sure they talk behind my back and laugh at me too.
same Im 100% sure they do this too
>escape and isolate
same, when Im alone, I'm released
>>297396
I don't know how it will end but we seem to live a life with a bad ending (no good ending for us) and it destroys me

>>297399
YES, even if we magically find jobs, jobs that we like or don't even hate, what are we going to do when we are in our 70s? when we can't even hold a cup of water, normalfags have their children and grandchildren to support them, we will never have that, the worst thing about a "forever alone" type (cringy word, yes) is aging and what comes with it, right now it's relatively easy because we have our physical health, but this will not last forever, I wish the state offered a free euthenasia program for the loners above the ago of 60.

>>297401
Aging is body horror, Life sucks. All the bills and fees just feels like a constant threat from faceless people wanting to sue you or put you in jail for not being rich. Shit is constantly breaking down. Car acts up. Body aging

I noticed marks of aging for a while now i'm 35 now. For me, its
>not flexible enough to sleep in cozy positions anymore. have to sleep on my back like a corpse
>have to actually watch what and how much i eat or else i'll be sorry later
>tolerance for loud noises/music decreased
>more sensitive to side-effects of common drugs like caffeine, alcohol, and weed
>anything that effects my health seems to last longer (i.e. random back pain will last 3 days instead of just 1)
>generally less energy
Otherwise I feel the same, but i'm at the age where things are going to start accelerating pretty soon.

>>297403
>>297401
we'll die at our sixtie, why even care

>>297401
you croak silently in your chair or bed and are found months later or you end up in a nursing home where the normalfag staff will legally torture you and keep you alive for as long as possible.
funny enough many normalfags despite being normalfags end up in the same situation.
cuz just cuz you are a breedercuck doesnt mean your offspring will give a shit.
yeah really funny how deluded these normalfags are
>hurr durr at least I dont die alone
>croaks alone in the nursing home like all the other oldfag normies
fuckin normalfags

>>297406
instead of raising any children or marrying any hag, they could just hire a maid/butler/nurse

>>297409
literally billions of men choose to slave their life away to a hag and her crotch goblins
instead of growing old with their male peers and having fun playing games and shit
haha what the fuck, normies are absurd
marriage and children are the biggest scam ever

>>297385
are you feeling better by now?
update us anon

>>297452
>are you feeling better by now?
yeah I feel better now thank you for asking, kind wizzie. but in 5 days it will be monday and I'd be gone hiking again and will see the two zoomers again.
how I feel today? I am jaded and depressed because I can't do all the things I want to do (my dreams)

>>297454
You will have to be stoic about it, overthinking will not change the inevitable, so it's better not to torture your self about it when things are relatively okay at the moment, what do you dream about?

>>297460
I day-dream about making a video game, learning japanese, being good at math, knowing how to code, male an imageboard, drawing
>overthinking
yeah maybe this is what happened that monday. I'll try to walk behind next time so I won't hear them talking

>>297461
You have cute dreams, I relate to the coding and math parts

>>297471
thank you kind wizzie, do you know how to code and are you being good at math?

>>297473
Nah, I never tried coding, but I suck at math like you would not believe, even I put too much time and effort everything is hard as hell, my brain is too slow at processing informations, it takes me ages to finish a 60 minutes lecture because I have to repeat every minute in the video many times just to comprehend what the prof is saying (even if his style is great and simplified) i always need to takee notes every second (it's hell) since I have a really, really, really, horrible short term memory issues, also EVEN if i comprehended and memorized everything after putting a crazy amount of time and effort compared to the average person, I would still struggle to do problems and equations since I lack problem solving skills, it's like putting 10x the effort of the average person only to get worse results then they get despite putting far less time and effort than you, I never tried coding because my computer is too old and can't handle modern coding, but i always envied social outcasts who had such interesting hobbies that they ot only enjoyed and were good at but also manage to make money of, it's almost surreal when you are the "nerd"/autistic type but don't have the brain that can make up for your lack of social skills and connections.

>>297474
I also forgot to mention I can't focus even for a minute, I keep getting distracted by my own thoughts/inner monologues, and it's another reason why I have to repeat everything in any lecture a million times because I just can't focus, my brain always wanders something else.

>>297474
>>297475
don't worry kind wizzie, I'm also a brainlet with a shitty brain and low iq

>>297471
>C-UwU-te dweams wizzie
>coding and math
>That image
Eww haha a transvestite, yuck

This whole thread is like something off of CC. It's cool to like anime succubi and save their pics, but this is nuts.

>>297478
You must be the same French Anon I texted on /B/about unemployment, right ?

>>297482
yes it's me
I'm getting famous on this website…I must return to anonymous

>>297480
yeah you're right its kinda gay (but Im not)

>>297483
Okay.

>>297485
I mean its an anonymous website, I try to stay as much as possible anonymous, how did you found me?

>>297486
I could tell by that konata pic with the pen + the details you gave about your self being a schizo.

>>297487
I see, you're clever wizzie! :3
re you ok wizzie?(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

>>297489
same as always, so, not bad, and you?

>>297490
for now I feel neutral

>>297493
ok, if something unpleasant happens in the monday, feel free to write about it here or in the anti-crawl general.

>>297498
ok, I'll post it on this thread if something happens on monday

There will be no :3, UwU, or Nyaa~ on the men's depression board

>>297385
>normies
If you cannot put up a heavy burden or mess upon them, you better run!

>>297397
The more they laugh the more they be raging inside. I learned to be cautious about these aspects.

>>297403
Ever fasted? Like, water only for some days…

>>297524
I second fasting here.

>>297524
>The more they laugh the more they be raging inside
like they want to punch you because theyre angry? if yes Its dangerous for me to stay near normalfags who laugh

>>297528
I just assume they be celebrating whatever I do, so I keep on… . Feel not humilliated, it's all pure theater.

>>297529
>it's all pure theater
the ability to detach yourself from your "role" is a blessing

>>297530
My role is to trigger and sabotage cunts as much as I can. Not to seek respect, or love, or understanding.

british normalfags are the worst

>>297891
how do they act? tell us wizzie

Most female teenagers are just ugly and tiktok-brained. Most male teenagers vape and ride around on scooters, like children.
Worst thing is that they don't even look cool. Smoking a cigar and shooting guns at least look cool, but when you see some fag with a fruit-flavoured vape riding around on a green electric scooter, you wanna kill yourself.

how do i even fix myself? how do i stop craving male validation, any validation. my heart is in pain and I hate myself so deeply that my vulnerability and self loathing is starting to spread like spoars. my stress is your stress and its just this reckless cycle of comfort and arguments. I'm only 18 and I have so much love in my heart, I'm scared someone will steal it all and run away. i want to talk to my friends and too the people I love but when I try nothing comes out of my mouth, I swallow my tongue because nothing I can say will be anything more. my mental distress causes me physical pain, I feel sick and lightheaded when I think about my life and what has lead me to this point. i steal I cheat I scam I lie and I hate it. its been like this for years and yet I have no motivation to end any of it, I'm bobbing down a lazy river, in circles and circles

>>297912
u gay?

>>297913
nope just miserable

>>297912
>>297912
When I was 18 I didn't give a fuck about anyone, I just minded my own business. Best year of my life, school was finally over and I moved to a new city and was blessed because no one knew me, I knew noone, I had no handy or smartphone to contact people from before and I couldn't be contacted. Had a simple unproblematic job that gave me enough money to live. Absolute heaven.

Now I'm 32 and I realise that I depend on the good will of other people as I'm not really able to survive alone. Housing, water, electricity, food, money, it's all something you have to fight for and it gets thousands times worse over time. Back then I thought of it as a given and was careless and just enjoyed being all by myself.

>>297912
You're not even an apprentice. Just give your love to someone and unwizard yourself.

>>297915 also this >>297918

>>297917
loner here, where is the difficulty in soloing life?

>>297923
when you say 'loner' do you mean actually alone, like no friends or family, or are you just another larper.

>>297972
I am no larper anon, I have my own house and am a wagie, I think human relationships aren't worth the effort despite the urges.
When loneliness hits, I am able to dispel it with the snap of a finger in the moment I talk to someone for 3 minutes, even my suicidal ideation disappears. But you see, what makes me a wizard is the fact that I can't maintain relationships at all, because in the moment my loneliness disappears, interacting with groids feels like a chore.
There is a reason for that, I guess: whenever some relative came to visit us, they just asked where my mom or dad were, I don't recall anyone other than my parents caring about me during my upbringing, even my dad didn't play games with me despite he loving video games himself, my mom always hated video games, I have never really had strong bonds with anyone.

To get back on topic:
Normies really are the most boring and unengaging people. I couldnt imagine having such a low sense of fulfillment to enjoy working to go home, consume media and uphold the status quo. Basically just grey goop people. Hey what toppings do you like on pizza? Do you like burgerking or mcdonalds? I just watched the newest episode of the boys. And then they go on and on for hours. What a life.

I have been having a horrible day as well. Tell you what, I don't know why I do it, but I keep browsing the internet and keep entering the places, I know I will be pissed when I enter them.

I basically am not the best driver and I can't parallel park >>>/wiz/220853 which has become a serious source of my anxieties. And today while browsing the internet I came across the profile of a pajeeta. Claiming how much she hates Indian Men. And how all Indian Men are creepy and bad.

When I as an Indian Man know the reality, most Indian Man are poor and work extremely hard in low level jobs only to be scammed by their employers and people over them but yet they sacrifice so much for their families. Indian Men lead extremely hard lives and do extremely hard labour to provide for their families only to get shit in return.

But retarded Indian Cunts have demonised Indian Men so much and nobody corrects them cause Indian Men don't wanna get on their bad side and continue to simp. White Guys of course won't side with Indian Men cause degradation of their fellow outgroup men is helpful and helps them get more sex. White succubi couldn't be arsed and find Indian Men repulsive.

Anyways, this pajeeta went about how she only dates white men and how she'll continue to do so even when she was abused by a white man who was her husband and said that race has nothing to do with it. Wouldn't say that race had nothing to do with it had the guy been Indian.

Anyways, what drove me fucking nuts was that this bitch was claiming that she is good at driving. And I suck at parallel parking. I feel so inferior. Not only have I been lifemogged by a literal fucking slut on tutorial mode. I am also getting logged in driving which is the one thing I am remotely good at compared to other things, yes I am not the best driver but I pride myself in being good at it but now literal fucking pajeeta cunts are logging me.

I face so much racism on the internet and as a little guy I can't do anything about it. All I do is ragewalk all night in my tiny little room. It's hard to describe the difference between my life and her life. It's so unfair. I don't even have a place on internet where I could be brown and air out all my crabiness.

>>297912
Despise what you cannot have, forcing yourself into roles you are not born to hold will only destroy.

Relinquish. Abandon. March the opposite way
>craving validation
Get the opposite, and maybe you will discover something of valur within it.

If you cannot get out the pit by climbing, dig.