[ Home ] [ wiz / dep / hob / lounge / jp / meta / games / music ] [ all ] [  Rules ] [  FAQ ] [  Search /  History ] [  Textboard ] [  Wiki ]

/dep/ - Depression

Depression
Email
Comment
File
Embed
Password (For file deletion.)

  [Go to bottom]   [Catalog]   [Return]   [Archive]

File: 1726161141469.jpg (474.14 KB, 3264x2448, 4:3, 1691251997109355.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

 No.294941

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
Previous: >>291261

 No.294942

Home sweet home. The sweet sense of sadness and hopelessness is the only place I have felt home. After 32 years that's the only thing that gives me a sense of belonging. I love wallowing in sadness and depression and drinking. This is where I belong. Everything else is shallow and superficial and not real. Hello old friend sadness. I wish I could cry. That would be heaven. BUt I am still too emotionally dead for that.

 No.294943

I feel like I've been wasting my life and this year in particular but I never asked for this life and wouldn't mind dropping dead suddenly. Why do I care about something I never wanted or asked for? Depressed while slaving and studying. Depressed while a NEET. Nothing feels worthwhile but too scared to end my life myself.

 No.294945

I had a completely feral childhood. I slept without bedsheets, I never wore shoes, brushed my teeth, I had nothing but slop for food and suffered from iron deficiencies. I spent my entire childhood in front of a screen, and every morning mum would wake up and just start ranting about how we're the most horrible children in the world and no other mother suffers like she does. She made up stories about how the neighbors all hate us, and would tell her every week about how horrible us children are.

I was never hugged or shown affection. She'd bewilderingly spread rumors about how I was a school bully to all her friends. She told me my brother was going to die of a heart condition in a few years time and every time I upset him I brought him closer to death, she'd say the same about her rare super speshial MS condition and how I'm literally killing her. She paraded me out as a sickly disabled child and I'm on the cover of some disability magazine somewhere. She really got off on the idea of us being inferior and sickly.

One memory in particular that stands out is being five years old and at school for the first time, and just being around normal families when I was invited around. Where everyone sits at the table and talks, and is happy. I tried hanging around every night, desperate to be there. Once they started sending me home I threw a pear through their window in rage. A few years later I clinged to another friend's house and tried living there until they got sick of me and sent me home.

I just think of all the sad succubi out there who can't have children and childless people, who would love to have families, and contrast that with this person who lived on welfare, collected an exorbitant amount in child support, owned her own home, just being ungrateful for everything and doing nothing but moan.

Surprisingly though, I didn't grow up too fucked up from that. My brother who did have more problems got medicated by her to the point where he was a neurotic mess terrified in the corner screaming about ants.

 No.294948

File: 1726211569687.jpg (8.42 KB, 320x257, 320:257, 312321.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>294945
>I was never hugged or shown affection. She'd bewilderingly spread rumors about how I was a school bully to all her friends. She told me my brother was going to die of a heart condition in a few years time and every time I upset him I brought him closer to death, she'd say the same about her rare super speshial MS condition and how I'm literally killing her. She paraded me out as a sickly disabled child and I'm on the cover of some disability magazine somewhere. She really got off on the idea of us being inferior and sickly.

I need to adopt the mindset I often see online where people blame everyone else for their problems. Parents, cops, billionaires, etc. The "raised by narcissists" phenomenon.

Right now I blame everything on random acts of nature, like I was just born this way. Born ugly, born with no personality.

However, by blaming others, I at least acknowledge that these problems are human-made. This is a step towards believing they can be solved by humans. And ultimately, a step towards believing that I can solve them myself.

 No.294949

Humanity is fucked. The pace-of-life syndrome. A docu also says the higher castes in post-soviet prisons rob the maladjusted forcing them to scavenge in trash cans and then use the resulting bad smell as an excuse for raping them and making them harem faggots. Feedback sytems are a member of the recursive system class, with everything there essentally designed to produce exponentially more faggotry.

 No.294950

File: 1726237089926.jpeg (18.62 KB, 664x462, 332:231, imagesdhdjs (2).jpeg) ImgOps iqdb

Im so fat, im 46 bmi. Psych meds and depression have completely fucked me over

 No.294953

>>294949
link to the documentary? Sounds interesting.
>>294945
I had a similarly bad childhood, you know those sickly animals shedding fur and covered in bruises constantly scanning the surrounding environment for threats? that was me for years. I feel like I died a few times years ago; maybe I did. I used to try to hang myself every day with a belt (partial suspension) attached to my doorframe every single day for months; I passed out a few times, but I always managed to wake up on the floor due to my body flailing around while unconscious. That said, complaining about your childhood to others is just shallow narcissism disguised as depth.

Anyone else obsessed with the worst parts of life? I watch videos of slaughterhouses, wars, famines, true crime, nuclear and chemical weapons etc. I was reading a account of the first Mongol invasion of Hungary about a guy hiding in the woods for 2 days covered in leaves while hearing people being searched and murdered around him - it's strange how badly we cling to life despite being passively suicidal.

 No.294954

File: 1726325460522.jpeg (113.62 KB, 700x700, 1:1, a2656340649_5.jpeg) ImgOps iqdb

How do I find a new obsession to replace occultism\paranormal and fringe ,true crime investigations?
Stupid shit consumed years off my life and I got nothing out of it, except killing time. What other "lifestyle-ism" or at least escapist fantasy can I have?
I like escapist fantasies; being a shingon monk, or ascetic in an indian mountain rage ,etc..But now all those interests are gone away thus.

 No.294955

>>294953
https://youtube.com/watch?v=8IWj1hOTXBA
It's in russian. Nevertheless, I will give the timing 51:31-53:00. Note the trash cans and the pictures of succubi on his walls. He is a prison chad (бугор). He tells how losers fall lower and lower on the hieararchy ladder until they become harem faggots (опущенные).

 No.294956

>>294955
saw the end of the video, they're naked and touching other's butts. russian jail is full of fags

 No.294957

>>294955
>age-restricted video
Thank you bro.

 No.294958

>>294954
All escapism amounts to the same result, which is as you put it, killing time. Doesn't mean it's bad, just that's what it is.

 No.294964

Anyone else noticed a huge uptick in bots/3rd world subhumans online recently? The entire internet is flooded with low IQ slop now, the only refuge is obscure internet forums and various articles and maybe the occasional actually decent yt video (with tons of extensions)

 No.294966

File: 1726406669985.jpeg (103.41 KB, 1080x1080, 1:1, 1_taR1C8c7WDZoA-fBd13VHQ.jpeg) ImgOps iqdb

>>294964
I am NOT LESS THAN for being a 3rd worlder. I am Continent.

 No.294967

>>294964
Has it not been this way with Indians and Nigerians?

 No.294969

>>294958
I'm puzzled sometimes as to what people expect to gain from life other than killing time in comfort. If we look at nature, animals only act when they're stressed. Leisure is idle and conservative. If you're capable of leisure, you're at the zenith of living. Only stress is failure.

 No.294971

I hate my parents.

 No.294972

>>294971
Why? What they do?

 No.294973

I got a knee injury at my shitty job because my piece of shit scumbag manager made me keep working moving heavy things despite me visibly limping. I don't qualify for workman's comp because I didn't work enough hours this month and I have no legal recourse because this state makes it impossible to sue employers for injuries. Potentially I will be facing life changing health consequences for a job that barely even pays me enough money to buy food. I hate this country so much

 No.294977

My suicidal feelings are on the rise again. When I hear of people who killed themselves I feel some envy and a longing for it. It feels like going on a placid vacation away from all the pointless tasks and busywork of normals in this world, which are in the end just glorified distractions from it.

 No.294978

do depression meds help for someone who has had suicidal thoughts and lack of drive to live for their entire life?

 No.294981

>>294978
Some wiz wrote about this conclusively. The probability that it helps is about 50 percent.

 No.294982

>>294978
it did for me. but I don't know if its the anti depressent or the fact that I rest at home for years because of my illness. my psychitrist said it may be the meds. I don't know. all I know is I don't have suicide thoughts anymore

 No.294983

>>294978
>>294981
>>294982
And then, when for some reason you don't have access to the happy pills any more (likely because they became too expensive) your suicidal ideation will spike up tenfold.

A better living situation, an improved outlook, and a hobby are the only ways to combat "feeling suicidal because that's just how you feel".

 No.294984

>>294983
>hobby
You don't get it. When you are suicidal you barely have the energy to get up from bed. Hobby? Nigger, I even lack the will to eat and you are saying I should somehow engage in hobbies. I tried to force myself to get back to drawing I can't. It feels like torture and makes things worse, since I realize how much of a fucked ruin I am - can't do shit whatsoever.

 No.294989

>>294984
>You don't get it. When you are suicidal you barely have the energy to get up from bed
Projection. Don't use "you" when talking about your own feelings.

The majority of people who commit suicide in America are leading quite energetic and productive lives. People like YOU who try to normalize LDAR are harmful to everyone.

 No.294992

>>294989
Well, some of us LDAR and that makes us happy.

 No.294993

>>294977
Where is your hatred against this cucked world?

 No.294994

>>294973
You cant sue them because it was up to you to abandon them

 No.294999

>>294994
And then I would become homeless without a job to pay for rent or food. Either way I lose and they win. Because every law in the country is made to protect the rich and fuck over the poor. The same company stole wages that they owe me

 No.295037

>>294989
How I am normalizing anything? I indeed speak of my experience. Being suicidally depressed saps the strength out of me and makes everything just tiresome. Energetic and productive lives fueled by zombifying meds and shit, of course.

 No.295049

Those of you who are able to have a good sense of humor and are able to joke around and generally be positive, how do you do it?
Do you watch a lot of Hollywood and Netflix content?
I want to stop being a downer and I feel like being in touch with what modern people are watching would probably help.

It's just kind of hard to watch mainstream content because any time they show an uncool, gross, ugly, character it feels like they're showing someone who's like me and it destroys my psyche. This show is massively popular, everyone thinks what the show says is gospel, and they just described someone who looks like me as the perfect example of someone who everyone should be disgusted by. It's really depressing. But to be fair with modern tv, usually when they describe someone negatively it's based on their actions and words, not their appearance. So all I have to do is agree with the message and I don't have to worry.

It's just hard for me to watch a mainstream show because I have such a hard time agreeing with the morals they show because the mainstream has chewed me up so hard and spit me out. It feels like when I watch a mainstream show, if I agree with the message, then I'm validating all the pain I've felt in life.

It feels like I'm saying it was good that I was bullied by my peers so hard that I stopped going to school and got transferred to a special education school that didn't even give me a real diploma. It's good that I felt so depressed that I got sent to a mental hospital multiple times. I don't want to agree with mainstream society because I feel like I'm validating all the bullying and pain caused by my peers.

Or if I watch a tv show that shows a certain group in a positive light, if I agree with that then it's like I'm saying yes it's good that those people beat me to the ground and mugged me and took everything out of my pockets that I cared about.

I just need to learn to forgive and forget when it comes to past wrongs. Or perceived wrongs. Because obviously those people felt like they were doing the right thing. They saw someone weak who needed to be taught a lesson. Unfortunately I was just too dumb to learn that lesson and remained a pathetic piece of garbage who just sits around feeling sorry for himself.

The truth is there are people who have it way worse than me. There are people starving on the street. There are people right at this moment who are laying in a gutter, not sure if they will have enough food to survive to the end of the week. I need to keep that in mind. I need to stop thinking I'm a victim when there are people who have it so much worse. That's the core of it, I need to think of other people and their suffering, then I can realize there are people beyond me who need help and my issues aren't worth obsessing over so much.

 No.295057

I can't function at all. Can't watch movies, can't play games. Been like this for a month. Crying daily. Part of me feels like going to a doctor in desperation but im so scared of being sent a psych ward and I'm almost certain they wont give me any drugs that actually help. I dont know what to say to the doctor.

I already acquired a good rope and found information on how to use it but havent found an anchor point

 No.295060

File: 1726739545254.jpg (13.59 KB, 165x220, 3:4, 20240522_174901.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I feel resigned to waste my life; I can't even remember the last time I felt human. I'm like an alien in comparison to others, they've always known something's different about me despite my pathetic attempts to integrate into their unforgiving social groups. Other men are like shell-shocked veterans slaving away at their soul crushing jobs with defeated eyes or they're like mindless carefree teenagers refusing to grow up and shoulder the mountainous burden of being a adult man - succubi are even worse, like a endless labyrinth built upon their sexual desires of being raped and conquered. I hate everyone I've ever met on some level. I want to be left alone to die like a hermit drowning in resentment and regret. There's nothing in life that can redeem such a boring painful experience. I just want to numb myself in pure opiate bliss while normalfags enjoy the vigour of youth and the company of each other.

 No.295068

If I imagine a blue 'social resources' bar over my head then it's always drained and the older I become the slower it recharges if at all. I always fell drained these days, every encounter completely ruins me.

 No.295074

>>294948
Why should a human-made problem necessarily be solvable by humans? Why should a nature-made problem not be? Ultimately it isn't a useful distinction, both types of problems are external, out of your control. They're in the same category.

>>294989
>The majority of people who commit suicide […]
This site is not the majority of people, nor the majority of suicidal people. His description of depression and being suicidal is consistent with that of many others here.
>People like YOU who try to normalize LDAR are harmful to everyone
He's not trying to "normalize" anything. He's sharing feelings about his depression on a thread intended for specifically that purpose.

 No.295081

>>294989
>You don't get it. When you are suicidal you barely have the energy to get up from bed
>Projection. Don't use "you" when talking about your own feelings.
I've been suicidal for so long that i've experienced all different sorts of states. There is definitely no single way to be suicidal, there are all different flavors to go through.

 No.295084

>>295081
Correct, but it would be interesting to know which states mostly occur when people actually go through with it. Not easy to research though as the sample of people to ask is dead.

 No.295118

You know who this is. I'm having a hell of a time talking the doctors out of euthanasia. My mother confirms I am being put to sleep… thing is the other night they tried again. I bawled so hard. It makes me want to cry right now. I hate that past of mine… I'm on the verge of tears all the time. I always wanted more of the good, moreover they wanna put me down over all the damage and it is bogus. I reckon they need an intervention for how they force a leucotomy over it all. I actfine but am universally hated by succubi.

 No.295121

should i try to get pregabalin (lyrica)?

 No.295122

>>295121
Nope! "Antidepressants" don't work. It's all just a chemical lobotmy that will leave you feeling suicidal the moment you miss a single pill.

 No.295130

Why can't I enjoy normal entertainment? Like watching movies hanging out with people, playing bowling with them etc. My workplace organizes socialising events, so I have the opportunities to get together with workmates and drink beer or whatever, and I usually attend those, but they feel like such chores. I'd rather stay home, but only because it just takes no effort to do nothing. I don't really enjoy anything now that I think about it, and the things I do in free time, I do them to somehow pass the time. end of rant

 No.295131

>>295130
Have been in such an anhedonic state for a few years now as well. Don't know what to tell you. "Going out of your comfort zone" is such an overplayed trope and all its done for me is make me feel uncomfortable and realize that whatever activity or event I tried out, wasn't for me. I'm tired of always feeling like I have to look so hard for something worthwhile to do. Sometimes I think to myself how nice it would be if I could just go into the woods and keep walking forever on a lonely, quiet path.

 No.295138

I share a room with a gay zoomer subhuman brother. He spends all day on Discord talking to his subhuman friends. I can't stand his voice any longer. I'm going insane. I need to leave this house.

 No.295139

File: 1727153052352.png (174.38 KB, 1080x447, 360:149, Screenshot_20240924_014321….png) ImgOps iqdb

>>294942
I loved your post, anon
Fucking saved

 No.295143

im tired of pain. physical pain. everything hurts, always, if not one thing, then another. my body is broken down completely. i spent a year and all my money on doctors and they didnt help, now its 100 times worse. my stomach is fucked, all my teeth as well. public healthcare is collapsed and i am dying. years of pointless suffering. i cant do anything in this state because i have to focus on the pain. the only thing left to do is suicide, but now its 10 times harder. when you are in pain, nothing else matters. im so weak i can barely walk, my heart feels like its gonna give out, good thing train tracks are a 5 minute walk from me. its my only hope.

 No.295144

>>295143
fuck I'm real sorry wiz. hope you can find salvation one way or another.

 No.295219

File: 1727542929387.jpg (540.64 KB, 1280x720, 16:9, Hd2lOkjh2ro.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

taedium vitae

 No.295221

>>295143
Can you describe what your problems are? I would like to help if at all possible.

 No.295224

>>295219
Wizards, I remember reading these paragraphs when I was younger, and was so struck by them that I copied them down. I’ve translated them as literally as possible. Life has always been hard, but I think good things await us hereafter.

Agedum, si quis velut e sublimi specula circumspiciat, ita ut Iovem Poetae facere praedicant, quot calamitatibus hominum vita sit obnoxia, quam misera, quam sordida nativitas, quam laboriosa educatio, quot iniuriis exposita pueritia, quot sudoribus adacta iuventus, quam gravis senectus, quam dura mortis necessitas, quot morborum agmina infestent, quot immineant casus, quot ingruant incommoda, quam nihil usquam non plurimo felle tinctum, ut ne commemorem ista, quae homini ab homine inferuntur mala, quod genus sunt, paupertas, carcer, infamia, pudor, tormenta, insidiae, proditio, convitia, lites, fraudes. Sed ego iam plane ton ammon anametrein aggredior. Porro quibus admissis ista commeruerint homines, aut quis Deus iratus eos in has miserias nasci coegerit, non est mihi fas in praesentia proloqui. Verum ista qui secum perpendat, nonne Milesiarum virginum probabit exemplum etiam si miserandum? At quinam potissimum sibi vitae taedio fatum accersivere Nonne sapientiae confines? Erasmus.

Come now, if any man just as if from a sublime watchtower may look around, thus as the Poets preach Juppiter to do, with how many calamities the life of man may be bothersome, how wretched and dirty a nativity, how laborious an education, a boyhood exposed to how many injuries, a youth driven by how many sweats, how heavy an old age, how hard [is] the necessity of death, how many groups of diseases may attack, how many falls may threaten, how many inconveniences may assault, how [there is] nothing ever not dyed without much poison, so that lest I may recall these things, which evils are borne in to man from man, [of] which sort they are, poverty, jail, infamy, shame, torments, ambushes, betrayal, reproaches, lawsuits, tricks. But now I plainly begin to count the sand. Then with which things admitted, men may have deserved these things, or which angry god may have forced them to be born into these miseries, it is not right for me in the present to say. But he who with himself may weigh these things, shall he not prove even the example of the Milesian virgins to be pitied? But they who then especially by taedium of life have summoned fate to themselves, are they not similar to wisdom?

Tamen quoniam piorum vita nihil aliud est, quam illius vitae meditatio, ac velut umbra quaedam, fit ut praemii quoque illius aliquando gustum aut ardorem aliquem sentiant. Id tametsi minutissima quaedam stillula est, ad fontem illum aeternae felicitatis, tamen longe superat universas corporis voluptates, etiam si omnes omnium mortalium deliciae in unum conferantur. Usque adeo praestant spiritualia corporalibus, invisibilia visibilibus. Hoc nimirum est quod pollicetur Propheta: 'Oculus non vidit, nec auris audivit, nec in cor hominis adscenderunt, quae praeparavit Deus diligentibus se'. Atque, haec est Moriae pars, quae non aufertur commutatione vitae, sed perficitur. Hoc igitur quibus sentire licuit, contingit autem perpaucis, ii patiuntur quoddam dementiae simillimum, loquuntur quaedam non satis cohaerentia, nec humano more, sed dant sine mente sonum, deinde subinde totam oris speciem vertunt. Nunc alacres, nunc deiecti, nunc lacrymant, nunc rident, nunc suspirant; in summa, vere toti extra se sunt. Mox ubi ad sese redierint, negant se scire, ubi fuerint, utrum in corpore, an extra corpus, vigilantes an dormientes, quid audierint, quid viderint, quid dixerint, quid fecerint, non meminerunt, nisi tamquam per nebulam, ac somnium, tantum hoc sciunt se felicissimos fuisse, dum ita desiperent. Itaque plorant sese resipuisse, nihilque omnium malint, quam hoc insaniae genus perpetuo insanire. Atque haec est futurae felicitatis tenuis quaedam degustatiuncula. Erasmus

Nevertheless because the life of pious men is nothing other, than the meditation of that life, and just as if a certain shadow, it is made so that also sometimes they may sense a taste of that reward or some heat. Although it is a very minute little drop, to that fountain of eternal happiness, withal by far it exceeds all the pleasures of the body, even if all the delights of all mortals may be conferred into one. Unto such a degree do spiritual things stand before bodily things, the invisible to the visible. This no wonder is that which the Prophet promises: “The eye hath not seen, nor hath the ear heard, nor into the heart of man have they ascended, which things God hath prepared for those loving Him.” And, this is that part of Foolishness, which is not borne away by the change of life [death], but it is perfected. On this account for whom it was lawful to feel, however it happens to very few, they suffer a certain little similitude of madness, they speak certain things not enough coherent, nor by human custom, but they give sound without mind, from thence repeatedly they turn all the appearance of the mouth. Sometimes eager, sometimes dejected, sometimes they cry, sometime they laugh, sometimes they whisper; in sum, verily they are wholly outside of themselves. Soon when they shall have returned to themselves, they deny themselves to know, where they may have been, whether in body, or outside [of] the body, watching or sleeping, what they may have heard, what they may have seen, what they may have said, what they may have done, they do not remember, until just as if through a mist, and a dream, only they know this — themselves to have been most happy, while thus they would be mad. There they lament themselves to have regained wisdom, they may prefer nothing of all things, than perpetually to be insane in this type of insanity. And this is a certain thin tiny taste of that future felicity.

 No.295236

>>295143
Have you tried a chiropractor?

 No.295257

How do you deal with NEETdom coming to an end? 5 years in and I've finally ran out of money. I still don't think I can accept the reality of a life of work and being a "member of society". It was never for me and it still isn't.

 No.295258

>>295257
I would rather kill myself than work.

 No.295259

>>295257
Pull an Uncle Remus and do whatever you can to get on disabilitybux.

 No.295284

I am here for a good reason:

Jimmy Carter's 100th birthday was yesterday, and I missed it. ;_;

 No.295289

I'm a retarded subhuman who should be in a mental institution. Pushing 40, low income and alone in my shitty apartment. Roleplaying as a non-genetically inferior depressed male every day. I'm approaching another mental breakdown. I can't take this anymore

 No.295292

Here's my rant:
I fucking hate the fact that out of all worlds that I could've been born in I'm here. I don't really believe in all that shit, but I'm desperate and this is my cope.
So what's the "life" in this world? Well you get born. Where? When? How? Randomly of course! You can be lucky and be born in rich family, be blessed with beauty, or if you're for some reason not lucky you'll get ugly body, birth in 3rd world country, abusive parents, poor family. Then you go to kindergarten. Not sure how that works in other countries, but where I live I got the worst friends I could get. Why? Because fuck me I guess. Then you go to the school. This shit lasts at least 9 years where I live. What people you'll get? You can't choose either! You can have nice classmates, who are helpful and friendly, or, you know, like me absolute assholes who would bully someone like me, who did did not spent their life on some gang shit. Oh and what's next? Doesn't matter, by that time you'll look on other people who DID NOT DO SHIT and still got better randoms: not ugly body, normal family, heck even one of my classmates got a fucking car from his parents. For free! This asshole didn't even do that much, he was just lucky. Many such examples.
The point I'm trying to get is EVERYTHING is defined by random, and you can't change shit. If life didn't want you becoming someone, you won't.
There could be millions of alternative universes, yet I'm born in this one: gray, random and cruel

 No.295298

>>295292
If you were born under different circumstances, especially if in a different world, that arguably wouldn't be you.
Though arguing about this would be just pointless intellectual masturbation.

 No.295299

File: 1728016133637.jpeg (19.03 KB, 300x235, 60:47, images-5.jpeg) ImgOps iqdb

And I, peeps, are extremely bald.

 No.295300

Dry eye syndrom is the worst health condition if you live in a cold climate. Can't read, not even on paper. No effective treatment exists. Your eyes and skin are constantly dry.



[Go to top] [Catalog] [Return][Post a Reply]
Delete Post [ ]
[ Home ] [ wiz / dep / hob / lounge / jp / meta / games / music ] [ all ] [  Rules ] [  FAQ ] [  Search /  History ] [  Textboard ] [  Wiki ]