>>277814>I genuinely can't find anything to cheer myself up
I don't think you should cheer up, I think you need to find a lot of things to do and focus on.
Think about it as an onion. Until you get to the rotten bulb, delay yourself with questions (why did I quit? because it made me feel sick), maybe say a prayer (any Entity will do, even Conan's Crom), hell, you can even recite the litany against fear.
When the urges come remember, that part of you is dead and what is dead will never come back to life. Maybe visualize this craving moment as a duel in some old b&w chambara movie.
Focus on yourself for the time being and stay away from news and TV.
Find distractions that accomplish something (painting miniatures, gunpla, hobby electronics) - basically do something with your hands.
Reality hits very hard when your're off and you remember that next hit will never come, but then again, you'll never stop fighting.
At some point you'll feel like a veil has been lifted from your eyes, just as you learn to use them.
Awareness is the perfect drug. Be ever vigilant, brother.>>277814