/dep/ - Depression

>>305916
>I tried to kill myself through freezing myself to death
Your body would start shivering out of control, it is a terrible way to die.
>I drove up the mountain with two bottles of vodka
Alcoholic coma sounds much more comfy.
>I purposely went with no mobile phone and was only wearing a shirt and shorts.
Scary.

>>305022
Is "Gunshot of head" like a basic handgun to the head?

>>305920
reminder to never EVER shoot yourself on forehead like media bastards show it will fuck your face but you will still be forced to live by normies

I have expired SN extored but afraid to do it asleep my brain is a piece of gargabe and I rarely sleep peacefully I think it would be better for me to do it while awake to avoid being stuck in the labyrinth of my mind

Got a gram of ketamine and #3 heroin arriving at some point today, I'll be using the ket as that gets me into a more emotional state and will likely give me the bottle to OD on the heroin, alcohol never done that for me
Wish me luck, gentlemen, and I hope to see you on the other side

>>305593
Lie.

>>305593
Defer, deflect, obfuscate but never lie and never tell the truth. I know the last two seem contradictory.

>>306036
- are you virgin!?!?!?
- well uh you know kinda uhh how should i phrase it? *blank stare for 5s then walks away*
- wait wait wait!!!
- yes?
- so, you're NOT a virgin!??!?!?!?!
- ughhh you know in a certain way you could say… but then again maybe it's taking it too far… *walks away*
- you didn't answer!!!!!!!!!!
- ow yeah hello! did you want something!? :333

>>306044
Why react to "wait wait wait" in welcoming tone?
Assumption. Throwing a thought-preventing pattern to that "wait wait wait" gives higher social credit

>How are you supposed to know if you just have mental illness or if you are disabled by that mental illness?
If you're cognizant enough to ask this, then you're very likely not mentally ill. The entire prospect of 'mental illness' is not being able to introspect and be concerned with ideas related to your own capability or the consequences of being placed in an uncomfortable situation. You can try to claim some sort of social disorder such as social anxiety, but that's a learned disorder not inherent to some sort of physical ailment of the brain, so the government might not care. Don't fall for the "I'm forever helplessly mentally ill because I don't particularly enjoy being in crowded places" ruse. By all means fake it to get out of jury duty, but don't willingly lower your own expectations of yourself because some memelords online have convinced you that you're braindead in spite of you proving yourself able to communicate functionally.

>>305894
otoh think about how bad op feels. here he brought something he thought was enlightening thoughts and now he has to face my cynical responses.

ironically such responses were what killed me inside so i guess i'm just returning to the world what i received from it or whatever.

now i kinda feel like a bad person, guess i'll go ruminate or something

>>305874
You're essentially describing a gnostic position – that we are by origin gods wrongly bound into material shells by some lesser deceiving demiurgic deity. "ει θεος: you are a god" is one of the original pythagorean dicta cluing the young learner into the knowledge that he is a mortal god entrapped inside an aesthetic counter of true reality, or what we in modern language call a "simulation".

>So perhaps I would deliberately choose limitation and pain, not out of cruelty toward myself but out of a search for novelty and significance

You're attempting to form reason for the suffering of our human lives. I applaud that, as it is not easy nor in any way logically intuitive. For my own part I have no strong answer. Even the traditional four-way theological parting of – good god (theism), idle god (deism), no god (atheism), evil god (gnosticism) – seems explanatorily incomplete to me.

>would be to abandon omniscience, to step inside a fragile and limited perspective.

This is thematically similar to plato's dialogue "Meno" where knowledge is said to be latent (that is, "hiding") in our transmigrating souls but still susceptible of being teased out to its original fullness by a competent teacher. The pythagorean concept of metempsychosis also qualifies this notion of our lives being broken up intervals between which we are bound to make connective sense.

>In that state, eternity would blur into stillness. Without risk, loss, or change, pleasure would lose its meaning and collapse into a constant background noise. You would exist, but never move forward, never discover, never grow.

This reminds me of some character's answer in morrowind (a computer game about gnosticism fitted to a narrative stage of knights and medieval times) touching on the question of why Lorkhan (the elder scrolls' version of the demiurge) created material reality (tamriel) and his answer was something like “because he found the peacefulness of the aedric realm to be unexciting and dull”. This then graduates into the familiar problem of whether the demiurge himself is evil or not…and I think in original platonism the demiurge was never assigned a clear moral color of good or evil (which accounts for why plotinus attacked Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>305874
>If I were living inside a virtual simulation as a kind of player inhabiting this world, I would start wondering whether the point of the simulation might actually be to experience suffering


The Great Filter Theory: there is something that kills life on every other planet save for ours, but not the universe.
We're *put* here into this uncozy simulation to see if The Great Filter lies somewhere in our lifetime.

So far, Stanislav Petrov is the only just-a-human hero credited as the literal saviour of the world

there are a couple of "ideas" like aliens, new age, simulation and so on which is just fake religion in disguise. I believe Seraphim Rose wrote a book about this

If this world is a simulation, it's not because you're the player here.

See, a super-advanced civilazition that have made it would inevitably start running simulations of more primitive civilizations to see "something" out of curiosity. So maybe we're digital toys of some space era people?

See, there are some good reasons to try and run tests on virtual civilizations:

* The Great Filter (to see if we would whack each other back into Stone Age, really)
* The Matrix (don't ask WHY though. Maybe they're having fun harvesting our something)
** Loosh/"gavvakh" something something
*** Maybe loosh would be the energy of the desire to change the world, not just suffering as in pain. In layman terms: "butthurt" resentment, not just sorrow that makes you weep.
* probably some hardcore bootcamp to teach people feelings. Why? To make people grateful for living in space age and not XXI century of misunderstanding and "unfiltered Internet that saps you"
* Maybe a really long movie.

reverse it once and for all! NO HALF MEASURES AGGHGHRHRHRHRH

>>306039
R U sure it's not lithium?
(While lithium is toxic, they use lithium to treat anxiety… I think.)

>>302164
I`m drinking whisky almost daily. Worst part is I don't really feel like I'm doing anything wrong - "functional alcoholic" would be best description of me. I`m almost completely alone (with exception to my parents), so being drunk, mostly at night, its not noticeable for anyone. I can stop - I have no issue with no drinking when travelling (and I try to travel a lot, of course alone), but does it matter? Is it worth it? Its not like I will have or create functional family. Dying at 50 or 70 - would this even make difference for people like me? Additionally, despite being alcoholic, I try to maintain my body healthy enough - I can walk 20-30k steps every day with no much issue. Maybe its not big accomplishment, but I think its at least close to average for people at my age.

>>306008
OR you could strive for the /wiz/dom of being moved to a robotic prosthetic body. Hope they'll add artificial moods into such bodies too!

For everyone asking "why drink bro? lol" you sound like normies anyway here's a simple answer:

It stops the self hate and voices in my head, it puts me in a state of relaxation

>>306034
actually if you didn't drink you'd simply die inside and not need substance to cope.

>>306034
>and voices in my head, it puts me in a state of relaxation

Auditory hallucinations kind of voices or endless inner monologues kind of voices? It's not my field, just kinda learned a factoid recently: "auditory hallucinations happen in 4 out of 5 SCH havers".

As for shy people, welp, I remeber reading in some book how some shy people tend to drink "because it helps to be less shy" and BAM! Alcoholism due to tolerance (that's why resolving life issues makes a person a less of shut-in)

I'm too retarded to convey myself or communicate on even just imageboards. I have been trying to read and journal more to get better at conveying myself and communicating but I guess since I have been isolated for so long and have hardly any reason to say anything I've just gotten worse at it over time. I feel like I am some kind of subhuman retard whenever I see people just able to type what is on their mind and I can't express myself the way that they can. I feel like there are things I want to be able to express and externalize but I can't do it at all. I'm probably just too stupid.

I just realized that for terminally online 'normalfags', that is not true normalfags in the traditionals sense but normal in the cursed modernity sense, both American and non-American ones, that the Epstein shit is actually a big fucking deal. They call him the 'collective Jungian shadow' and some unintelligible blabbering about 'aura'. Is this really the algorithbrain endgame????

Sometimes I am glad that I am as socially isolated as I am. If joining retarded trends and sharing worldviews with these "people" is the price to pay to stop being lonely, I'd rather rot in sensory deprivation induced psychosis thank you very much

>>306015
>sensory deprivation induced psychosis thank you very much

Grab a XX century book m8

>>306012
well atleast you can still convey that

Anyone else a porn addict? It's just eating up my time.

If someone is bothering you, a smart thing you can do is calmly take out your phone and start recording what is happening. You do not have to say much or escalate the situation, just make it clear through your actions that their behavior is being documented. Often the moment people realize there is a record of their actions, they immediately tone it down or stop entirely because they know there could be consequences later. Recording can capture tone of voice, threats, or patterns of behavior that might otherwise be dismissed if it were only your word against theirs.

Beyond discouraging them in the moment, having video evidence can also protect you afterward. If you need to report the incident to authorities, a school, workplace, or building management, you will have something concrete to show rather than relying on memory alone. It gives you control in a situation where you might otherwise feel powerless, and it creates a record that can support your safety and credibility if the behavior continues or escalates.

Many victims end up feeling deeply discouraged from reporting crimes because they believe the effort will ultimately lead nowhere. The process can seem intimidating, exhausting, and emotionally draining, especially when they expect skepticism, long delays, or a lack of meaningful follow-up. Instead of imagining support and resolution, they picture paperwork, retelling painful experiences, and possibly being ignored, so remaining silent begins to feel easier than reopening the wound.

Over time, this perception grows into a powerful barrier that keeps incidents hidden. When people think reporting will not produce justice, protection, or accountability, they convince themselves there is no practical benefit in coming forward. As a result, fear, resignation, and a sense of futility replace the motivation to seek help, leaving many victims to cope alone rather than entering a system they believe cannot or will not change the outcome.

>>306007
>how to react to insults
Actually, I don't even know how to react even in a normal conversation when I'm talking to someone I'm not close, kek. My social skills have only improved slightly because I've accumulated experience and observed how others react to everyday situations.
>best of luck anon
Thanks, brother.
>>306009
I don't think that just by seeing me recording they would take me seriously but I need to at least try. Fortunately, I still have the contact of some people who witnessed the harassment in HS, this can be of some help.
>>306010
What discourages me the most is having to learn to deal with something complex on my own. I'm not used to doing difficult things alone.

move the hell away for the love of magic. you've nothing to lose anyway. one city or another is all the same for somebody like you. there'll be your peace, or as much as a modern day wizard can have

>>305928
>not even worth thinking about
t. never been called names in his entire life

i can't believe some people have such low self awareness as you do. not bothering about shit is a decades long process of internalizing complex self knowledge and even then it's only a conscious construct that has to continuously keep the unconscious in check.

>>305949
makes more sense than mainstream ideas of religion what if someone is born with a sick mind and loves violence and hurting others they don't fit in society and they don't fit in any peaceful afterlife maybw they fit those eternal war asian afterlives of budhism or paganism some veterans of ww2 and alike lost limbs and body parts and the bastards still wanted more while others just enduring modern life schools or work is unbearable torture but society thinks everyone is the same all family of human beings which makes it for the worst torture chambers in a human history

>>305994
I'm a Christian and I don't get why you connect my view with buddhism and paganism. St Aquinas describes the souls of evil people as wanting nothing more than meaningless torment even saying the tears they shed in Hell is because they can no longer torment good people.
This judgement by Christ is still involuntary and permanent and could be seen as punishment by some people.

Back when I was 14 or so, I had a following idea: consciousness halts at the moments of your death, but if you cannot remember your dream because you dont wake up, there is no dream then. So the last thing you feel is the feeling that stays with you. Forever.


Death row convicted people have it easier than anyone else, drugged into not feeling a thing and such.

I reduce it to numbers. I really shouldn't, quality of life should be the goal even if I die this week. I guess the thought is having thousands (or maybe 10's of thousands) of days left on the planet is plenty of time to see interesting things and challenge the mind.

you're in pain, so your self preservation instincts are constantly on high alert. you definitely sleep ok, eat ok and don't overly exert yourself, so that's what keeps things running. i don't know what you're trying to cope with

I have $4 in my bank account :(

>>305672
Your $3.99 monthly account fee is due today

nothing but pain in my life, soon I will hang myself

not depression related but I'd thought ya'll might like this video.

My mother is a bitch. She literally used to work as a prostitute, then she decided to "settle down" and have kids, but she ended up divorcing raising them alone, me included.
She always abused me, both physically and mentally, she really enjoys putting me down and bringing me to my nerves for her own amusement. When I was little I had genuine fear of her presence, but after observing more her behavior this grew up into just resentment and anger, I hate her and want to keep distance.
What strikes me the most is her jealously, she doesn't want me to talk with other people, and seeing me being nice to other people while I avoid any interaction with her and my family really turns her hysterical.
So her strategy is to accuse me of being either "severely autistic" or an "evil person", and of course humiliating me for being a disappointment to her and not being her expected "ideal of a man", which in her case is accepting I was born just to be her dog, obey her and take care of her during her elderly years.
My only hope for now is either for me to get a job and disappear from their sight completely, or for her to fucking die soon while I take this opportunity to leave, considering the serious declining state of her health due to her morbid obesity and addictions this is somewhat probable.
I just want to be left alone.