/dep/ - Depression

I'm almost 40. growing up in the 90s I hung around with the neighborhood kids on the streets, just like those nostalgia slop memes. I was stuck in school hours a day with peers for 20 years. joined clubs, sports, after school activities. converted to catholicism, went to church. went to meetups. I must have had 100s of 1000s of interactions over my lifetime. but interactions is the strongest word I can use, as it never got any deeper than that.

its like there is nothing i can say or do, no combo of words, that can make another human being like me. its like sometimes i think im having a good conversation, back in schooldays or some organized event. But no one would ever want to spend 5 minutes casually hanging out with me in a unforced manner. I never got invited to a single event, except 1 2nd grade birthday party where all the boys in class got invited.

even on the internet, where im just text on a screen, and my looks and mannerisms can't screw me, i still never had an online friend.

idk what i do so wrong. as a boy i was into action figures, heroes, toys, like the most normie boys stuff. yeah my interests got weirder and more esoteric as an adult. but the fact that HOI4 is one of the top games on steam shows its not that aspie.

it just seems to happen so naturally for everyone else in the world. even other weirdo nerds play DnD together. like just having 1 male friend is as impossible for me as getting a gf is for a crab.

u can consume lead to reverse the negative effects of wifi and 5G wireless signals

You will still be stuck browsing this thread in 2026 edition

previous>>296811

Does anyone here struggle with alcohol, or have managed to quit?

It used to be a good coping mechanism for me, but it seems the older I've gotten the worse it feels, and it's become detrimental to my health and the way I behave around people. Easily annoyed, constantly starting shit, tired all the time, strange pains. And I was still getting worse, fast.

This has been a wake-up call and I'm realizing I need to quit before it's too late. Though that's easy for me to say now when I'm still feeling bad, and I fear the cravings will come back strong, but I know I've got to try.

Curious to hear others experience with this.

>be me
>bored
>decide to go for a walk
>the group that used to harass me in high school sees me
>they start shouting embarrassing nicknames they gave me loudly, just like they did in HS
I thought I wouldn't need to deal with that anymore, but it seems like I was wrong. Has anyone here ever experienced something similar? I just want to have some peace.

Every time I think of death, the end of my self I can feel my brain fighting it, pretty much actively trying to shut down.
It's a weird sinking feeling, thinking of the unimaginable.
People have died around me and I felt nothing, but then again I'm not an overly emotive or emotional person.

I still can't cope with death as a concept. I don't want to cease experiencing. I'd genuinely prefer hell to oblivion.

I screwed myself, my health because of a lack of attachments and care for things in general and I'm at the age where recovery is getting harder even if I try.
Mitigation is a more realistic goal if I don't already have something terminal, hopefully. (29)

How do you guys cope? I see so many people here talking about suicide and I just can't fathom it.
I suffer from many chronic ailments, pain, tinnitus (really severe) and much else. I had many absolutely horrid experiences during childhood and youth.
I have no real connection to my broken family, no connection to pretty much anyone or anything. Never loved or felt loved by anyone, not even family.
I don't pursue hobbies I'm a man of inaction. I can't even force myself to do things I supposedly enjoy.
I have one friend I talk to online exclusively in text and meaningless time wasting activities, consuming media, manga/manhua mostly.

It's a pointless life. Wasted.

Based on all of this I should probably be suicidal, but I'm the opposite. I'd be content being a specter just observing things too. I just want to persist.
I don't want this to end, I don't want to end.
I'm terrified. Sure I'm sick, in pain, constantly depressed or anxious, generally a failure, but I don't want to be gone.
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I am physically disabled with many symptoms, I can't work or anything, nor do I have money for any hobbies, I can't even cope with suicidality since I am afraid of dying and the after-life (call me superstitious) and honestly it's not that bad either for me in most of the days in regards to my health as my family still supports me and pays for my medication, it's mostly that life feels utterly-empty for me.

Its hard being bad at everything, even the things you do for yourself
Whatever I touch usually ends up ruined
Its very hard on me because I allready expect to fail at whatever I try nowadays
Maybe bad luck is real, but whatever I lay my hands on usually ends up more damaged then fixed
Id like to say electronics are a hobby, but i have destroyed more then I repaired
I have no talents no ability to put any Idea I have in my mind into reality
It doesnt matter if I prepare, if I practice
My fingers dont do what I want them to
Something unexpected happens
I couldnt even fix a carburator on my bike
And I couldnt get the replacement to work either
There are very few times I have tried something and got positive results
I have been fired from every job i have ever gotten quickly
I have been learning japanese for 3 years now and I have seen other people become fluid but despite the time I poured in I still suck
Its very hard to explain to other people, they will say "you have to try more or try something different"
But I am trying and failing
Its not that im just seeing the negatives, when I actually succeed at something it makes me very happy but its a rare feeling for me
I try things, even follow tutorials and it never turns out well for me
I have ruined many things I love by trying to fix an issue and breaking them irrepairably
I just want a bit of sucess in what I do
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I just look at all the years I've wasted stagnating. And I just want to be building towards, something… anything. i want my years to be building blocks not nothing. it doesnt have to be anything big. being a great wizchan poster is one possible goal among many.

I just want to devote years to something and get better at it, and improve at it. But that only happens in video games.

i hate the feeling of wasted years. time slipping away. i guess i just give up on something. i start a lot of projects. have a bipolar manic high. but then i see its going no where and just give up. i guess there is a rationality to it. but thats how i got the wasted years.

maybe its because im neet. a job, you're always investing your years into, trying to climb the ladder, even if you're not doing it successfully. at least you're progressing in money, thats 1 thing.

i just dont have the endurance to stick with something im not making progress in, and thats why i never make progress.

any wizards choose to take psychiatric meds?
and also what's the deal with assisted/medically induced suicide these days?

i hate crawling back to antidepressants but when my thoughts start getting too dark that i can't metabolize them on my own with meditation, and i can't concentrate on anything, i just need something to take the edge off, and if i'm not abusing substances, it's really hard to think of anything that will work better than prozac. but i hate that i need them. my old doctors would say something like, "well what if you needed glasses would you hate them and refuse to wear them? Or just get glasses and live your life?"

Seems switzerland actually lets non-citizens have assisted suicide? my mental health is not really severe enough probably… i don't have a terminal illness or anything… just a tootheache and dysthimia that makes me want to escape dealing with it head on… i had a fleeting relief by researching it and seeing it exists, but the thought has since passed (for now)