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Am I the only one who can't find the willpower to improve?

I've been browsing some depression forums and there even people who sound heavily depressed have tried almost everything to deal with their depression: they tried like all available meds, experimental stuff, drugs, supplements, special diets, meditation, yoga, regular exercise, cbt, all kinds of different methods from self help books…

Meanwhile I tried only 2 different meds so far because I'm too scared of the side effects, have no drive to cook and almost only eat premade food, only managed to keep up any routine for 2 weeks at most and can't get myself to read a 200+ page book.

It's just that putting in any effort feels so painful to me so I default to whatever is the most comfortable in any situtation even if it leads me to a life that gets progressively less comfortable each day. I don't know how to improve since any kind of improvement requires effort.
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I can't think of a time when making any amount of effort at something caused me improve at it, let alone an overall improvement in my life.
When everything you have ever done has been an unfortunate failure I don't see why you would think you could still get better at anything. At some point it just seems like wishful/delusional thinking.


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>Healthier food? Great you get to live slightly long in your shitty life.
It's about feeling good while you're alive, and only secondarily about living longer.

>Read a book? For what, what do you hope to gain or learn from that book?

Books have lots of small things that can genuinely change your outlook on life. It's not that you'll find a golden page, but there are golden sentences or golden stories that may resonate with you and change you as a result.

>Taking a pill won't solve your problems either

Big truth.

The best advice I can give is for you to embrace suffering. Understand that anything that's going to bring you happiness is going to cost comfort in return. Understand that suffering is happiness, or at least the feeling you get after you've suffered. The biggest misconception of our times is that we need to live life always feeling bubbly and comfortable and happy, and that couldn't be further from the truth. succubi can afford to be comfortable all the time, but if we, men, are comfortable all the time, we will inhevitably fall into depression. It's a matter of recognising that the circle of stagnation -> depression starts at stagnation and not at depression.


It all comes down to make a choice if either you want to keep living or if you want to end it. Only if you really accept the fact that you want to keep going then your advice to embrace suffering comes into play. However I feel betrayed with this solution. The demiurge always wins no matter what we do.


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I have vowed myself to improve my current situation, but as a result of my crippling habit of overthinking and lack of self-confidence, I never really do.
I do know, however, that there always is a tomorrow and that if I manage to stop thinking of what could have been if I started earlier and not think about how my current capabilities aren't optimal, even I can do something with that which I have.


Can't speak for others, but for me my hand was forced. Family basically gave me a choice: doctor or the streets. Luckily I live in a country with access to free treatment. Can confirm there are many humilating sessions of spilling everything to multiple strangers. Sometimes I wonder if i made the right choice.


i have very bad ocd and depression and have heard smoking pot does wonders for you, like one wiz said he tried it once and all his depression and anxiety went away just then. is it a good idea to go smoke some dope so i can get these intrusive thoughts out of my head?

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i regret smoking meth, i did it for a year and the damage it does is not worth the high. its a high that doesnt feel like a high.
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I would try meth. If it were too pleasurable I would just do it once to not get addicted. Besides there's things you can take like memantine that greatly reduce the potential harm from meth even if you do it regularly. It's a simple matter of risk/reward. If your life is shit and you already want to die, you literally have nothing to risk and maybe it could make your existence better. Even if you end up destroying your life further, that can be a good thing when you have been stuck at the ledge of suicide for many years but been unable to take the plunge. Fuck, maybe I wouldn't stop after one go if it were amazing, perhaps becoming a meth addict is what I've really needed to do all along.


it's a social drug, passing the pipe just like you pass a blunt.


Not as low iq as you though


Yeah i've tried a lot drugs but never had any desire for meth

Maybe they hear very different stories about it and have very different expectations


that's neurotoxicity for you
rather go the heroin route than ever try crack or meth

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 No.209618[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
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I have trouble eating as well but thats because im picky and too retarded to make something that isnt meat taste good, but too poor to buy it.
As for solutions starve yourself for a month you spoiled brat.


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I wish I had the mental strength and motivation to realize my dreams.


Maybe tomorrow succubi will not exist anymore, then only wizards will remain, as normalfags whose only purpose in this life is to love and live for pussy will start taking their lives one after another due to the disappearance of the object which gave meaning to their concupiscence lives.
With no hint of a sudden return, normalfags and just about every male who isn't a wizard will follow succubi into the nothingness. As a result, wizards will be happy and have to fear no more, for what made the world a scary place will be forever gone. In this period there will be nothing but peace and harmony, those things that were unthinkable for a multitude stained with normalfagcy.


I was lazy and stupid, and packed my washer and dryer to the absolute max with heavy winter sweats and hoodies. And then I left it in the dryer on heavy duty for like 6 hours and it was still wet and cold.

And I started panicking that I had ruined the dryer. And then my brother came down to do the wash right after me. And I was just laying in bed in the dark in deep depression. I guess its a relatively minor thing compared to everything else. But just all the trouble it was going to cause me for being stupid. Reminds me of how I grew up on all these cartoons of fat, stupid, lazy characters doing idiotic things and not having to deal with the consequences. If Homer Simpson does it, its hilarious to see the watersplosion and not the fixing afterwards.

Anyway I've been periodically checking my brothers' wash in the dryer. And it appears to be drying. Although I'll cross my fingers till its done. I feel like everything in my life has to go horribly, so I'll count my blessings if I get away with this.

I'll learn to keep Murphy's Law in mind stronger. I know especially for me, everything that can go wrong, will go wrong horribly. And yet sometimes my laziness can overcome my pessimism. I did briefly think woah, this is the most packed I've ever had it. But then I figured its no worse than when we do bedding.


You know when something shocking happens and you get flashbacks of the sensation some time after? Like a flashback of something painful or tasting something terrible.
I'm getting "flashbacks" of the sensation of strongly hitting mouth and losing many teeth, tasting blood and feeling my empty gums. This hasn't happened though, I just have the sensation as if I had lost my teeth with an impact on something.
My teeth are fine, good thing I don't believe too much in premonition

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In primary school I was bullied by 50% of the students in my class.
In middle school I was bullied by 75% students of my class.
In high school it was once again 50% of the class.

By bullying I mean being bullied by one person at least 2 times.

Does it mean that potentially 50% of the people of earth are my enemies?
Its quite logical conclusion.
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I strongly disagree with what you said about boundaries. It's just a step from "you just gotta stand up for yourself" bullshit.

Standing up for yourself doesn't matter because ultimately it's just a number's game. You want to stand up to that guy who is hurting you? Next time he will bring friends. You think you're a hardass who can take on five people? No. Being bullied or not is not about being too weak to fight back or not. It's about being chosen by the social group to be the target. There was one hardass like that in my middle school, knew some martial arts, but 5v1 they still got him. Every single time. There was a succubus. You know the type, bright, organized, from a better family than the rest of us. Trying to do the right thing, wanting to help the starving people and generally save teh world. She stood up to the bullies, she got into her head by a hammer. Don't know what happened to her afterwards. Don't care.

Obviously the things I mentioned might seem a bit extreme, but I am from eastern europe. Things are different here. That I understand and just for the record I am not trying to say that people who got bullied in a less physical way didn't really get bullied or anything like that, don't get me wrong.

It just really insults me so, so, SO deeply when people claim bullying is the victim's fault for not fighting back.


>An eye for an eye only makes the world blind


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I agree with you.
I’m pretty sure anyone’s parents have talked to them about being bullied or anything, not because it didn’t use to exist, but because:
a) They were the bullies themselves
b) They had something that stopped people from messing with them or
c) They fought back, even if they lost
When I was a manlet kid, my mother always told me that if I let the other kids bother me, the would beat the living shit out of me.
Most of the time I didn’t win, but at least that gave me some respect. It’s not the same to be a fag and let people punch you and do anything about it than to be beaten up but at least give some kid a blackeye or something.
From my point of view, bullying is more like a natural selection thing (although we live in an artificial selection environment), but nowadays kids are too pussies for coping with something like that.


>From my point of view, bullying is more like a natural selection thing
I agree with you. And if we were both classmates in the same school, and if I would shoot up that school - you would be the first on the list


>and if I would shoot up that school - you would be the first on the list

most mass shooters were not only not bullied but were themselves the bullies, like the trenchcoat mafia douchebags. "muh victims taking revenge on muh society" its a hollywood myth and i am kinda tired of that old kike stereotype of romanticizing and excusing assholes who do asshole things.

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Any books that are about depression or suicide that aren't normie tier. I.e Not the protagonist gets better or suicide isn't the answer, Its a wonderful life type shit.
Pic related
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can't find this in english


In English it's 'Against the World, Against Life: A Biography of H.P. Lovecraft'


it's not on libgen unfortunately.


Yeah i read it in french so idk how to help you there mate


No he wasnt, he was just a wizkid with too much testosterone.

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This might sound silly but really is fun something worth pursuing just for itself? Whenever I am faced with an uncomfortable day I keep thinking back on all the fun I had in the past but what was the point of that when I am faced with the inevitable discomfort? How can I enjoy the fun knowing that eventually I will be uncomfortable again? Having fun is basically like a fast forward to discomfort since the fun times go by so fast. The desire for having fun is innate in me so it feels intuitive to pursue it but I wonder if, especially as I am getting older and my health gets worse, it would make more sense to try to focus on learning how to endure and face discomfort. Is that even something you can learn realistically?
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This is basic schopenhauerism. Life is a cycle of will for something and be sad to not have it, strive for it, maybe get it and if you suceed eventually you get bored and soon will be wanting something else. He also states that 'art' (music, for exaple) is just a distraction from this cruel cycle


People who have fun should all be publicly lashed


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Lately I've been having fun reading VNs in my twitch account.
Knowing that some people may join in and share a little moment with me, even if they don't say anything makes me feel almost elated, although the opposite is also true, when I have 0 viewers which is practically always I feel dejected, but not enough to give up reading aloud and call it a day.


>This might sound silly but really is fun something worth pursuing just for itself?

I've been saying this for a long time now, 'fun' is a scam. If something is 'fun' without actually being something that'll better you (in whatever way you wish to better yourself, mind you), then that something is just abusing your reward system and making your chemically imbalanced for no long term gain. This is why video games are such a cancerous thing, because they are top notch at pulling this shit off.

Be wary of the 'fun' trap.


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Do you guys ever wish you were more autistic? Like to the point where you stopped having anxiety and depression and just didn't give a fuck?

I feel like this is a good level of autism:
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There used to be a video on youtube about a Bulgarian home for blind children that I watched years ago. They were horrendously neglected. This video started the erosion of my faith.

Ah, I found a repost


>being encouraged to go the art/music/painting path nowadays?

because its a timesink thats inocuos and demands mental energy they are not spending in becoming even more schizos. Is better they plot a shitty painting rather than a public spergout ending in several dead.


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Funny, I look up to him too, specifically his dedication to perfection in JRPGs. I've been playing Final Fantasy XII for over 4000 hours since it came out back in 2006. I'm too different from him to ever reach the "heights" that he did. I'm also not analytical enough. He is genuinely intelligent. I end up restarting over and over, dozens and dozens of times, because of some perceived imperfection and can never fully complete the game, which to me involves max HP/MP and 99 of every item. Thing is, Uli moved on. He's "normal" now, working in Walmart, living on his own, with friends, swimming in blue AND green water. I don't think he was ever really comfortable with his lifestyle and had a deep nagging feeling that he could only cope with using video games and obsessive interests. He isn't autistic at all, he has OCD. He turned his job at Walmart into an RPG of leveling up skills like stocking, cash register, etc. It isn't autism but a deep system of obsessive tracking that he has created since he was a child.


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Ever since watching this documentary about a Sushi chef who basically does nothing but make sushi all day I had this desire to dedicate all my time into getting good at one area.

First I have to admit that I like the idea of maybe giving myself some personality this way. To go from a guy to "that guy who is an expert in …"

Also I think that even if I am of average talent just by spending a lot of time I would get good at this thing and it would feel good to be good at something.

But I also don't know how to ignore all these daily distractions and the fear of missing out. Thanks to imageboards where the boards for different topics are all close by I developed a superficial interest in many areas. Regularely there is something new to catch my attention. Something that everyone is talking about and I feel like missing out on. A new tv show, a new anime, a new video game, a new book… how do you ignore all this stuff and focus on that one thing?


i don't think you can, because you sound a lot like me. it seems as though an obsession with honing one thing is a personality trait, not something you could reinforce on yourself. either you have the inherent drive for one thing or you don't.

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 No.209668[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

Post nothing but depressing pictures. You can add depressing text, personal anecdotes, et cetera to your post, but each one must contain a depressing image. preferably grayscale and "artsy" but any "blackpill" pictures suffice. I am in the mood to expand my collection.
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wanna tell me about it?


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[Last 50 Posts]

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 No.209199[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

The last suicide general has hit the bump limit.
Previous thread:
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The site still works, on the other hand looks like sanctioned suicide is gone for good.


What? SS seems to be working for me


Strange, lostallhope was locked when I posted that, it required an admin logon to access, but it works now. Sanctioned suicide is up for me as well.


Reminder to keep discussion of rules and posting guidelines in /meta/


One more thing not going my way.
One more step towards salvation.

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