/dep/ - Depression

>>311330
I guess you're right. A few threads back I was talking on this general about trying a few supplements to manage my (undiagnosed, but sure feels like it) OCD and porn addiction. I can't remember what I mentioned in past posts, but just in case I didn't mention it back then I tried getting actual high-dose, 50,000mcg B12 (hydroxo) shots. Hoping it would improve things. Life, being a bitch nigger as always said "nuh uh" so lo and behold right after the first shot I felt… peace, slept like a fucking baby that and the next 3 night. Then went back to normal. 2 weeks later second shot, felt like my nervous system had awakened but not in a good way, severe insomnia, sleeping 2-4 hours per day but most importantly the unbearable degenerate porn thoughts were at their peak and I ended up wasting another 80$ on dumb sex toys. Now why am I mentioning this, the traditional wisdom is that accoustic and generally tired, depressed, low-life-quality people like me could use and need heavy doses of B12, the biochemistry is long and extensive, and probably true for the most part but it doesn't solve being an actual dysgenic subhuman nor can it do anything for you if you take it *after* the damage is done (I had a hypertensive crisis years ago, and I think I mentioned one arm having a 40 units higher blood pressure difference == advanced vascular disease).

That is not even getting into the, as you correctly point out, "psychological configuration" the foundations of how you perceive reality. No matter what I tried I could never relax being around others. I feel straight up threatened by friend groups, or family gatherings (even my own) because my subconscious says all it takes is one wrong line or opinion for the wrath of that group raining on me (most likely just an excuse for beating me up for being ugly and making others uncomfortable). These prime, core beliefs and habits ran my life and the result is exactly what you'd expect: alone, got nowhere, bitter, sick.

Could it be changed? I think I'm well past the point of no return, the point where even the most miraculous change in body composition and environment won't make any difference, short of literally replacing my brain and memories. Not even the largest psychedelic dose could help. That's another thing I kept noticing from reading others experiences, for some guys getting exercise made themPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

I myself do not like religion it does not make sense

>>311339
there's something after death but you don't know what it is

>>311335
>radical extreme change, like smashing my computer
When I deleted all my saves in video games to start studying, the only thing that changed was that I didn't have any saves and mourned them.

>>311339
Life implies an End.

Even if both Life and Death are painful nightmares, at least Death does not lie about its tenure.

It's a very cold comfort, but at least you know. You're not left praying for some effervescent end. You know that you're stuck in this suffering. You might disagree, but I find it better to know where and when I am, even if that is an endless grey miasma.

>>311043
Shitkraine.

>>311048
>They probably don't even swear the Hippocratic Oath

And why should they? They're not Greek, and doctors in the globalist melting pot of Earth are just as likely to be forced to give assistance to a cultural enemy who harmed himself as they are to heal one of their own who was a victim of circumstance or violence. Its reputation as a universal ethical standard was officially flushed down the drain when it was rewritten to permit the murdering of unborn babies as medically and ethically sound.

"The old codes" - from written laws to the moral guidelines of holy texts - are inapplicable to the new world.

>>311049
aka the JEWkraine. Your country is jewish and ruled by a homosexual satanic midget jew.

Ukraine used to be European (ruled by Europeans).

And Russia used to European (ruled by Europeans).

Now we have kikes ruling both nations and playing the goyish populations of both against one another in mindless warfare.

But America is also a jewish dictatorship (so is Canada, and Australia, and modern Britain).

>>311051
>permit the murdering of unborn babies as medically and ethically sound
Are you not allowed to feel happy when black babies are aborted?

>>310702
>Very rarely doctors are actually evil.

Nearly always, you mean?

>>310295
>Life can get better wizzies

I hope so wiz.

>>310295
any advice you'd be willing to offer?

>>308555
Nearly all snacks taste different now. Chocolate bars taste off; sodas don't taste quite right; even old brands of potato chips taste different.

>>303919
maybe his depression would ease up if he realized he was under water in a created environment?

>>305494
It's just a matter of having sufficient mental discipline and a cool quiet environment in which to practice. It isn't that hard. You should try it.

>>311414
Your mom cares enough about you to spend her days walking you around to doctors to try to help you, and you tell her to shut up when she makes small talk… You sound like a neurotic little twat, to be honest.
>she gets mad and stop talking to me
Keep acting like that and eventually she'll get made and stop financially supporting you.

>>311415
>Your mom cares enough about you
The thing is, she can't make up for making me fucked up mentally and physically just by giving me the double amount of attention, love, or any other thing which an average son would normally receive, it's not how it works and it makes me mad that she probably will never understand this.

She also failed me in my upbringing and I have to pay the price for this by waking up sad because of my body for the rest of my life, until the day I die. And I can't even complain about what I'm talking here with her because I would feel pathetic doing so.

Don't get me wrong, I love her, but whenever a situation leads me to reflect about these matters, I start boiling with hate. I tried to start a conversation with her afterwards, out of guilt, but she didn't engage on it.
>she'll get made and stop financially supporting you
I can't live for myself but I'm too functional to get neetbux where I live. If she kicks me out, it will be the same as pushing me towards my death.

>>311417
>The thing is, she can't make up for making me fucked up mentally and physically just by giving me the double amount of attention, love, or any other thing which an average son would normally receive, it's not how it works and it makes me mad that she probably will never understand this.
I doubt there's a mother alive who understands this, probably one of the blind spots of being a mother

Everyone's just going to tell you she did the best she could which might even be true

>>311419
>I doubt there's a mother alive who understands this
And you're probably right. Well, at least I can vent about it and be honest with my feelings in the internet.

>>311414
You do sound like a bitch wizzie.
>hating on loving mother
I was like you once. Bad mistake. You gonna weep like a motherfucker once she is dead and her love is nowhere to be found for all eternity.

>>309523
I personally didn't really care to post in this thread or enter into this discussion much, but I will say that the quote you've posted sums up (mostly) my thoughts on the existence and misguided worship of God.

>>306449
Religion ruined my life. I've been surrounded by insane religious people and new age retards all my life

>>306449
Nothing I write will ever convince you of anything, I will just leave something to ponder instead:

Why not deism? The idea that there is a creator, from no particular religion, nor any particular personality?

>>306449
Religion is a shallow perversion of natural relationship with God. Now that is the true answer to your problems.

>I don't have trauma
>Despite all that however, I simply don't have any will to improve the parts of my life I'm unhappy with


you have trauma
probably "bossed around" by your parents.

>>311407
If a man says he has no trauma, then he has no trauma. Stop paledragging.

>>311407
I dunno, I wouldn't say my mom was bossy. She always tried to get me interested in things and wanted me to do what I wanted. My dad would get black out drunk every day and my mom got a divorce when I was really young. She got remarried but then the step-dad died when I was 13.

i've just accepted it over the years. there's just some things my body refuses to do and don't do them, despite the consequences and regret. i don't think i've ever managed to force myself to do something in the long-term, it just doesn't work. so i started doing the opposite, only doing things that i actually want to do, where i'm aligned, where the activity energizes me instead of tiring me, and i double down, triple down on it. i imagine there is some wisdom in the body that stops me from doing things that seem rational and wise on the surface. socializing, having sex, wageslaving - they're all evil and some part of me just refuses to participate. i don't know why, but i just blindly trust it now. maybe god has a specific path for me carved out and it's my job to find it. it's like a game of hot-and-cold but the signals are your emotions, so if you feel bad, if you don't feel like doing it, that's a signal that it's the wrong path. if it feels good, life-affirming, then it's a step in the right direction.

god or faith or ??? doesn't want you to learn how to drive. it wants to keep you in solitude because whatever you need to develop isn't going to come from other people. "self-improvement" often presupposes that certain things are good for everyone, that you ought to do them, but if a part of you firmly refuses it, then it's not for you, go around it somehow.

Practically speaking you don't end up on here unless there's something seriously "wrong" with you.

>>311300
I'm grateful for the advice, but I think I'd be able to play games just by using a console since it would allow me to stay away from the screen. I still miss using the internet on a proper pc, though.
If I somehow manage to convince my mother that I'm an irreparable failure to let me NEET, I think I will buy a console and live for a few more years while I enjoy playing some vidya, but she hardly would accept that. By the way, the reason why I still didn't buy a console is because I earn little and put all my money on bitcoin.

>>311302
> I earn little
Ask your mother for more money

>>311299
>chronical neuropathic pain doesn't let me use computers

a laptop + a fan stand for the laptop in question = lying down with a computer is cozy now.
>can't eat veggies or fruits because of autism, so shit health

use juicer to make juice, add some spice of your choice (say, cinnamon) to make the taste understandable

>flat-foot

shit m8. same AND tall hence can't walk or run without special soles in my shoes

>failed to beat insomnia, tired every day


"Upgrade your sleeping station" I guess…


OK, so, I am going to spill some *seemingly offtopic* idea: try optimizing your sleeping station.
Reasoning is that… so you *could* - *probably*, at least - get higher quality sleep, by not aching while sleeping.
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

didn't do it this month despite coming close
when will I be gone already fuck

>>311303
I didn't think straight in my previous post. Now I remember that the reason why I invested the money instead of using it to buy something I want was because I have always been failing with my convictions. If I were sure I would manage to kill myself by the end of the year then there would be no reasons to save money, but if I retreated and ended up living more years then sacrificing pleasure in the present to be in better conditions in the future would be wiser. I also didn't consider the possibility of buying a jailbroken console, nor did I know how simple SN death was back then.
>>311309
>lying down with a computer
Honestly, I don't see how that would stop what triggers my migraines :/. I think the strain over my eyes would still be pretty much the same. I thought about buying an eye-care monitor in the beginning of the year but I didn't want to risk losing the money.
>juice
Only the smell of a juice is already enough to make me nauseous. I will throw up if I force myself to drink one, I know because I have already tried before.
>same
I feel you, it sucks to have to walk like a duck, haha.
>by not aching while sleeping
Thanks to the meds, now I only feel pain in my sleep if I lay down in the wrong position. Most of the time, if I'm not tiring my eyes too much, hunger or exhausted, I just feel a slight steady pressure in the sides of my head (I'm feeling it right now).
My bed and sheets are pretty comfortable, my brain is the guilty and I will probably need meds. I'm already dependent on melatonin but it didn't fix the problem, only made me able to at least stop spending days without being able to get any sleep at all.
>My back finally stpped aching
I'm glad for you, wizzie.
>AC
It makes my throat dry and then wakes me up, I only use it when the weather is hot as fuck.
>Get a set of disposeable nose expanders to see if your sleep improves
I will try. I have already done a polysomnography before, I don't remember well right now what was written in the results but I think it talked about somethingPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>311045
This nigga be taking ashwagandha and lion's mane next lol

>>311047
Lion's mane made me feel better, as if my brain was getting a tiny bit more power. Amanita gave me terrors beyond any description. Horrible shroom

being overweight has ruined my life

>>311191
i lost weight and my life still sucks. why did it ruin your life?

>>311193
i literally can’t access the second floor of my house, whenever i try to go up the stairs my weight causes me to crash through the floor. of course a big hole was carved into the steps so there isn’t even a route now.

i regreted my post with this draw in it in other thread.

i think i will quit drawing in this thread for now. it is too much of me i think.

>>311399
if you post a lot that means you're very big sad almost often

>>310954
Lol my store recently announced a total cell phone ban, yet when I obey and check it after work I have like 20 missed calls from various managers. I then become exempt, and the other workers hate me for it. All because the stupid teenagers can't stop texting or using their phones during their work. Even checkout operators are scrolling their phones whilst serving customers. Total zombies.

Clear lockers are insanity, possibly illegal? Either way they like pushing the boundary. Our staff bathrooms once had digital keypad entry into the toilets and we have to clock out for our poop breaks, capped at 5 minutes a time and I believe it was 20 minutes a week. Luckily we have some equally crazy and loud union people who manage to somewhat keep a lid on it all.

How were you planning to tell the guy to shut up? I really need help on that

you sound as bad as the people wroking with you

>>310618
>10 years
>retail
Can I have the link? I want to do it too.

>>310618
That's the problem with being a lifer

>>310643
I'm kinda like you. I'm the guy that does everything but they let me skip cashier as I majorly fuck that up. Really not a role I like. Hope you can hang in there man, sounds like a nightmare lol. I hate stupid boomers who don't listen, I get this at work a lot. "After 9PM we don't sell alcohol" comes on the speakers, the boomer says he doesn't want any, I say that's fine. He yells at me telling me to shut that damn speaker off then! LOL. Many of them do this, and they can't read signs they are mega retards.

>>310962
>>310968
No idea what you guys mean. It's just the best job I could realistically get, plus I'm settled in now. I'd hate working at a new place