/dep/ - Depression

This isn't about me, but it's about my mother.

I have zero sympathy for her. She chooses to do wageslave out of greed, she has repeatedly made it clear that she loves money more than anything. She wants to earn earn earn. She has no care or concern for anything else.

Im more terrified of the fact that she gleefully chooses to destroy her health like this. Its unthinkable to me. Thats absolutely abnormal. Normies are a slave race, but nobody ever tells you the horror of that reality. Imagine happily getting up after 4 hours of sleep everyday for years, with heart disease, with diabetes, anemia, and persistent nutritional deficiencies, dependent on 6 different medications, eating such horrible foods and even abusing your kids for not eating the same garbage as you to show how superior your lifestyle is, while working 12 hours a day in hot crowded environments which you can easily trade for better if you tried. And being completely happy doing it.

Its a fucking nightmare. I live in a horrifying nightmate.

And the worst part is that I will be blamed if she collapses, because she violently hates me and gave birth me solely to satisfy her abuse fetishes. Thats literally why im here, for prolonged grooming and abuse.

No way I am walking down the same path as these fucks. Never.

Wizards feel terrible living like this and always try to find a way out, but normies… jesus fucking christ. I refuse to think about it. They deserve 100% of everything they get and I pray that wizards can escape this purgatory.

>>304611
It's better to work and have money than to not work and not have money. Only someone who is being supported by a family member who is working or wealthy can have the luxury of not working.

There's going to be a reckoning at my place, the crew has taken to chatting. A lot. The warehouse aisles keeps clotting up because people keep stopping to chat: two people will stop working then it peels people walking by until we have 6 or 7 midwits yakking about video games or whatever. Don't get me wrong, underachieving is my life, but socializing is not. I've got a few of them that keep coming to me for their social needs too and it's absolutely draining. Get some friends off the clock and quit using me as your wife/brother/bestie/whatever. I'm going to see if the boss wants the boss wants the off-site unit cleaned today, these people are driving me nuts.

>>304612
>it's better to be a wage slave than not
ugh dude

>>304622
If you don't have parents who will support you, then your options are either wage slavery or homelessness and destitution. You can pick which one you prefer. For me, I'd rather have a roof over my head.

>>304190
Stick with the reading list. It’s really good. Also I would recommend the book hatha yoga by the same author of the Hindu yogi science of breath, kybalion, arcane formula, etc (the author in question is William Walker Atkinson). The book hatha yoga delves into obscure methods of staying healthy that the elites don’t want you to know about. Highly recommended.

>>304190
>What do fellow wizzies here think of the /fringe/ reading list? petsonally ive only read the kybalion
They Kybalion is a re-made up of another book of Atkinson (arcane formulas? Or some tittle with mansonry in it i dont remember) with more hermetic aesthetic, i dont like it. I enjoyed it at my first entrance in supposed western esoterism (its not western esoterism but its kinda into modern religious esoterism pre-new age like teosophy) but now I know its kinda lame, its like a new age book.
>not to mention that it's getting a lot of bad rep lately in hermetic circles for not relating to hermeticism
It have a lot or new thought ideas, its not truly hermetic philosophy with greek-egyptian lore rituals and etc.
New thought its more like a offshot of Mesmerism-Hypnosis with Christian Science with some light indian beliefs or aesthetics with some universal metaphysics. If you enjoy it as a chaoist or it make thing for you work for the paradigm its ok, In ME personal case, dont work for me.
>and bardon's exercises that i want you anons opinion on.
Suppusoedly Bardon stealed some secret book and paper of a magic lodge or something (sound like crowley) but i dont know.
Bardon intro to hermetics its like a Raja Yoga with a lot of techniques focuses on breath, visualization and correspondences and etc. Its very technical at first not to focused on ritualism (he have other books focused on that topic)
I enjoy bardon and some techniques are from Indian Yogas techniques and maybe chinese and others from western ideas, I see it more focused on itself esoteric system than a Hypnosis or belief like new thoughts guys.
This book its more internal (like a qi gong as example) than external focused on rituals or invocations evocations, etc.
>Its true hermetism?
In bardon sense, yeah, but in a hermetic philosophy and practices of western greek-egyptian-alchemy OG lore, nope. Go read hermetic philosophy and religious books of hermetism for that.

>Fringe reading list
If you want some books of magick of personal, post-modern, maybe lodge tradition or new age fluffbunny and wicca there're some books here Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>304192
>if you don't have a middle ground between absolute belief, dogma and agnosticism you can become a asshole.
always stay humble in your beliefs. i really enjoyed the kybalion for what it was the first time ive read but i obviously was a bunch of snake oil bullshit from the get-go, empty promises with no real hermetic background. Hells he even failed to describe hermetic philosophy properly. that leddit jew was right in regards to him, because when i read the arcane teachings he also somehow created a new occult order out of the blue from supposedly ancient chaldea called the arcane council, with the same recycle "hermetic laws" and manifestation/unmanifestation phaes of creation. im kinda pissed off i wasted my time for nothing. thank you /fringe/. Might have better luck with other books tho.

>>303398
Read this book, very useful as a start for knowledge of anxiety and how to fix behaviour.

>>303398
>Place a pillow under your knees, and sleep without a pillow under your head.
I read somewhere that the first helps you sleep better and the second helps circulation in your back and neck. I sleep without a pillow under my head because I find it more comfortable for sleep.

>Hug a pillow (rest in bed or sit or stand)
Dont ask why, just do it, for more than 23-25 sec.
You can add visualization, acting like youre huggins someone or sing to the pillow.
>Bedsheet hug (for sleep etc)
Weight yourself down with the sheets (or make a sheets weight pillow) and try to achieve the effect of a hug. Add visualization or act like you're hugging someone etc.
Don't put too much weight on your chest or you'll have trouble breathing and you'll have nightmares, or you might cut off the blood circulation in your arm.
>Also
One day i dreamed with anime characters (three lolis) with this way, incredible wholesome dream and very comfy.
It felt like heaven.

Take it as a favor of sorts, they gave you intel the rest of the planet is thinking but not sharing.

>>304617
yeah if only I wasn't hurted easly. all I can do is cope with me, I and myself

>>304616
>me on the other hand, am weak and feel crushed whenever someone insluts me
Are you a female child?

>>304624
no

>>304577
I not tired of assholes and their behaviour
I tired of my response, emotions and my behaviour response to that assholes behaviour.
Revenge and hate doesn't give anything useful, just more hate, revenge, and suffering in the process of life.
>Also
This is a way to illumination.

>>304595
if you keep clicking "roast me more viciously" on Grok, it inevitably leads to some graphic suicide taunting.

I overheard two people talking today, a man and a succubus. I suppose they were on
a first date. The distance I felt from them was terrific. It is a wonder that I
could hear them at all, across such a distance.

>>304600
Why would anyone want to be roasted by a chink?

>>304602
How far did you stand away from them? I mostly am so busy with my own thoughts that I have trouble following the conversation even if someone standing right next to me is talking to me.

I can't seem to stop farting like hell. The smell is horrid. It's been like this for 2 hours straight. Is this some magic brewing inside of me

I was on prozac for a while and I'm pretty confident it made my memory worse but most of all it killed my dick. I almost want to kill the doctors that prescribed it to me before I die

>>304430
I had the same experience (impotence) with antidepressants…what's up with that? Why do they kill your dick? Realized then and there that these pills come from the devil himself and that I should avoid them like the plague if I can. Also, never trust psychiatrists, psychologists and supposedly "mental health professionals", they don't know shit, it's all about conducting experiments on humans for some big jewish pharma company.

>>304439
You're right on everything. It's experiments, you should never ever trust these "people". I don't know why they kill your dick but it's truly devilish. They make you numb. You don't feel anything. For me, this started after I stopped taking them and it's been like that since a year, no libido, no orgasm. Once a week I'll go insane over this issue. right now I am tearing up, just can't think of something else. I don't want to be part of this world anymore. Nothing brings me true happiness lately. Avoid them like the plague wizs.

>>304440
Wow, that sounds horrible, my case was only temporary, I only took the pills for a few weeks and when I went impotent I stopped immediately and after a couple of days everything went back to normal…Your case actually sounds like something you could take legal steps to get some money out of it for compensation, if you have the time and money for a lawyer…That's fucking ruining your life-tier bullshit. If you live in the 1st world and have the means, sue them in court.

>>304454
Sue the doctors or the brand? I live in the 1st world, but what makes me think I shouldn't is that one of the two doctors is a friend of my mother's… I told her one night how much her actions had ruined my life, but she continued to deny that my side effects were real, claiming that they should have stopped by now. She never warned me about side effects or anything, and I wasn't even depressed to the point I would need medication. I agree that it's a life ruining problem. I'm even still kind of young compared to wizards here (19), I think it's fair to say that this is lawsuit material. It's not even like I took them much longer than you did, just a month or two (Honestly, I didn't know what I was doing, just took a pill here and there). Honestly I don't know if I even want money. I don't need it, it's dirty… I just want my life back.

>>304539
this looks like it was drawn around 2012, the year Wizchan was founded, this was the internet Wizchan was born into

>>304568
wasnt it funded way before?

>>304574
way before?

a wizchan of 2000, that would be cool

>>304575
yea '00 n somethin

meh im so booooored

3AM thoughts would be just like an unmoderated depression crawl thread, so this thread is redundant. I am confident OP is a troll who isn't aware what self hatred is and how it manifests.

Moved to >>>/b/1030601.

>>304553
This is what that "cyber psychosis" all the kids are talking about is.

that's me on daily basis

Well one of my biggest fears is becoming a 50 yo man that deeple fell in love with a love live character like Watanabe You… "why?", you may ask, because online I met a guy like this and he has influenced other users, no by a concious will but, how to put it? Like a black hole of weabooism.

I am afraid of the future; I only live in the present. Any disruption to my lifestyle causes me anxiety and strong suicidal thoughts.

>>304580
Yeah, it was to vent. I had witnessed something dismal and humiliating. Clearly you've succumbed to humanities label or "your own definiton of success" or whatever the fuck. Cope more pussy, I hope you find the same hatred as me and do something beautiful.

>>304581
Out of curiosity, what did you witness?

Hatred is only useful as long as it doesn't destroy you or inconvenience you greatly in the process.

>>304580
You can't know what OP's going through and what he will end up doing. Plenty of image board posters delivered with their edgy power fantasies and made them into reality. Most of us jut vent or fantasize about things but there is always a chance some guy will really go nuts. Not everyone is the same as you.
>Grow up and get a job for starters…
lol How would that improve his situation? (That's if he is unemployed to begin with…)

>>304580
FWIW it doesn't fit the definition of power fantasy, because breaking someone else's skull is far from impossible.
>We've all had that phase when we were writing epic posts with badass Greek statues
That's definitely a projection, but yeah most people have been through the whining on the internet phase. For some it never ended. Not sure if it's good or bad.

>>304573
> Ive tried to distract myself from the degradation of life using the breadcrumbs society calls "happiness" or "content" or some shit
That's the wicked game of the modern world: wageslave for scraps > spend scraps to consume recreational distractions > lie to yourself about one day "getting ahead" > continue to wageslave > repeat until dead. It's all pointless repetition and stagnation. I can fully understand why people are violently lashing out more frequently than ever before, they're desperate to escape the waking nightmare of modern life (or they get duped and radicalized by political propaganda). Personally, I've been studying spiritualism and theology, as well as practicing forms of meditation in an attempt to elevate my consciousness, transcend humanity, and forever leave this doomed planet behind when I die. That's my intention, anyway.

>>304580
>get a job for starters…
I see this kind of post made a little more frequently these days, I assume it's just a weak attempt at trolling. I personally have a full-time job and it barely improves my quality of life, not nearly enough to recommend it to anyone ever. Having a job these days does practically nothing positive for a person, let alone a wizard. Wageslavery is referred to as such for good reason, so fuck off.

>>304582
The life of a Wizard can end up being a life of solitude locked away in an ivory tower.
But honestly, I never liked this ivory tower.

nah, i have a tulpa and that satisfies all my love and affection needs.

I dont have any pets and never thought about getting any. I see this as animal cruelty to cage some animal and have it be depending on my worthless ass.
the animal wouldnt have a happy life so I never bothered.
also yes I have family members but hugs arent really a thing in my family and I never hug anyone, at most you can get a firm handshake out of me or a fistbump.
last time I was hugged by my mom must been like 20+ years ago.

also "to be desired" doesnt sound appealing to me at all, it sounds like another annoying chore and what I learned in life is that if you are on some other persons mind then it always means trouble one way or another.

>>304586
would you hug your mom and tell us what happened?