/dep/ - Depression

Some old boomer doctor lied to the VA about my condition. Pushed the narrative that im lazy and dont want to work. They are trying to reduce my disability from 80% to 60% now and if it goes through i think thats it. Don't ever join theyll destroy your mind and body then rape you with the VA system after.

>>307191
that's one of the most unique ways to pass on, if only i got access to benzos otherwise i wouldn't hang myself

>>307215
How did you get it reduced? Did you try to aim for a higher percentage? I also have a 80%. Had it for about 4 years now. I heard online that if you try increase it and you fail they can potentially reduce it which is why I'm comfortable with 80%. My record shows it's also "Static" which pretty much means permanent. It sucks I still have to be a wagie, but being a NEET forever sounds depressing. Did that for 3 years and gained so much weight and was depressed and suicidal.

>>307173
I know that feel, im struggling with that too, but is it worth ending it over what other people think?
Really?
visualize yourself in the situation
Do you feel physical pain?
If no you can walk off the rest
At worst, get out of the situation if its that bad
Sure beats the hell out of dying in my opinion
>>307171
Understand it for physical pain, otherwise not so much
Yeah certain people live shitty lives
yeah your brain might be made to suffer alot more and feel it more then other people
But if you are dead you cant feel anything at all
Cant feel a good nights sleep and dreams
Cant feel having a cigarette
Cant feel Breathing air anymore

I completely messed up. I used the eye drops for an extra month longer than I should have, and now I could go blind. I wasn't considering suicide in a while, but I think there's no point in living like this anymore. I'm going to hit my head as hard as I can and then throw myself down the stairs. Wish me luck.

I feel like even simply having a healthy sleep schedule and enough sleep everyday would relieve me of 50% of my mental problems but even something as basic as sleeping well is difficult for me.

Some former Stacy co-worker broke the fuck out of me. Worked with her at retail for almost a year and despite showing decency/friendliness to her (wasn't flirting or trying to ask her out. promise.), she refused to talk to me, say hello and yet I catch her socializing with a lot of other people. Even guys who are average-looking. This happened ever since I got the job there and I really wonder what was that I did to be hidden from her sight. Was it because I appeared to be a social retard? Again, there was no way it was the looks. That succubus doesn't work there anymore but she occasionally shops at our store as a customer and yet still gives me this dumb treatment. What exactly did I do to deserve this? It's been half a year since she left my workplace and I still cannot stop thinking about this whole situation. It hurts.

(Again, please don't ban me for this. I'm just describing a deeply negative experience I had with a co-worker.)

>>307257
ask a colleague

>>307257
>What exactly did I do to deserve this?
It's what you didn't do
>wasn't flirting or trying to ask her out
Females develop a disdain for men who aren't attracted to them - if that man is relatively normal, healthy, and attractive which you probably are.

>>306223
I know. I even knew it was poison. But I was in a dark place, very young, and didn't have enough life experience to realize how much this stuff could destroy me. And most of all, I wanted to make my mother happy.
>They might have status or credentials but they are still human and as such you can never trust their intentions until you've proven them.
You are very correct.

>>306148
Didn't mean to sound so dramatic. I hate crabs and their brain dead ideas. The truth is that I could never kill a human being.

>>306219
>Stopped working out and eating healthy, I am slowly rotting and have no more will because my situation doesn't seem like it will ever get better. If it improves, that will be in many years.

It’s perfectly okay to feel this way sometimes. You don’t have to feel bad for feeling this way. However there exists no objective logical ground for you to have imposed this conclusion on yourself as a sort of certain fatalistic sentence. In my own case, I managed to (mostly, ~95%) cure my pssd within about 1.5 years of its on-set. I feel that you should be able to do the same if you remain diligent in your diet and (just as importantly) trusting in your private mind that you can be bettered and ultimately returned wholly to where you were before the ingestion of ssris.

>What do you think of TRT, reinstatement… or something else? I have been told to do keto diet. I really feel like the best thing would be to microdose shrooms, lsd

I don’t think your problems are related to circulating levels of sex hormones, especially not at your age. I know after having taken ssris and encountering genital impotence and anesthesia that my own serum levels of testosterone were essentially unchanged from the year before (suggesting that the drug had not materially altered them). I cannot speak to “microdosing shrooms” as this seems near totally impertinent to the restoration of a former normal chemical balance within your brain; if anything I would imagine introducing heavy psychogenic drugs like shrooms would only further confuse an already-confused neurochemistry.

But as to what I do think might be helpful:

1. Recall that prozac being a fluoride-based ssri will particularly lower blood levels of folate (vitamin B9). In addition to everything I already recommended above in earlier posts, I would like to advise you to make sure you are getting sufficient amounts of folate into your body everyday (preferably through a well-made and well-reviewed B-complex supplement). This will combat the likely chronic folate-lowering effects of the offending drug.

“Depressed individuals often exhibit low levels of serum and red blood cell folate.”

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>306999
good advice and nice digits

>>306219
You still here?

>>304793
Do you follow this diet?

>>305499
Any authentically calm space will do. You don't always need to be on the floor to meditate, you know.

>>306619
Being outside is excellent for meditation. I actually like to vary my spots. What is your favorite?

WAVING GOODBYE WAVING GOODBYE WAVING GOODBYE WAVING GOODBYE WAVING GOODBYE WAVING GOODBYE

WITH SOARING EYES

>>306994
under large remote trees is a spot i enjoy for meditating.

Unironically go read the limerence subreddit.

>>307217
>Unironically go read the limerence subreddit.
I've already done that, I have quite a few post from plebbit saved in my bowsers bookmarks that I usually read from that place and maybe can help me.
>Also
The only thing I know is that, in my case, it seems to have happened last year (with a lot of force than other times) because I was so anxious and had so many problems that I wanted to find an escape to ignore my problems even though I wasn't even aware of that shit, my body reacts on its own to any little thing about my LO.
In the end, I told my LO what was going on with me and explained, as best I could, that I wasn't in love or anything like that, I don’t think my LO understand a damn thing. Eventually, my LO removed me from their contacts, though I’m not sure yet (I don’t see their profile picture anymore) Sometimes I start ruminating, though I just realized it happens when I see or hear etc triggers related to my LO (music, things related to my LO, etc.) or prone fantasy love stuff, so I try to stay away from these topic.
I’m reading one of the books on hypnosis and cognitive-behavioral stuff from here, and it helps a little. I guess you have to practice some mental hygiene and try not to think so much.
In some PubMed articles on OCD and limerence, certain techniques from OCD treatment to stopping intrusive thoughts help reduce the issue of limerence a bit.

At least I’ve reached the point where I’ve become aware of this shit and of my LO things; I’ve stopped putting her on a pedestal of perfection and now see her as just another human being—though I don’t think she ever tried to show me her human side, and to me she was something perfect. Of course, that’s just my sick fucking mind, I suppose.
The last time it happened to me was when I was 12 and then again around 16. Since then, I’ve been managing it more or less without knowing what the hell it was, but last year it got really bad.
For a while, I thought there was something wrong with a gland or something in my brain; I even read something about the vagus nerve and the stellate ganglion, but I guess it didn't really get to the heart of what was actually wrong with me.

>>307206
>are you sure you're not just very horny? go see a doc
As I mentioned earlier, I used to think there was something wrong with my brain or some glands or something like that, but I got medical checkups and everything, and there was nothing wrong.
So in way is bacause of anxiety and other problems.
>Also
Right now, I don't have any more of those succubi-LO hardcore 24/7 and rent-free living in my head thoughts that pop into my head every once in a while—basically, she've stopped existing for me (although, as I said, those triggers could still screw me over one day)
I don't know if this shit will start again, but I try not to get involved in romantic or flirty stuff, and I also try to keep my anxiety in check in case it spikes and my body starts looking for something new LO-succubus to obsess over and get carried away with stupid fantasies or too nerveous behaviour
I mean, it's not even like my LO are some fucking supermodels or they have a lot of sex appeal or something, thing just happen.
It's not like other people think like “Damn, I get why he's obsessed” but Its not like i let myself get carried away by obsessions like those crazy people in shity hollywood films, this shit makes feel miserable in general.
>Also
If you want to hear a story, yesterday at college a succubi was nice to me and shared something (what? food) with me, and it gave me a bit of anxiety because of this, I realized she was being nice only because I’d been nice to her first. It’s stupid, but I tried to be polite and aloof at the same time, even though I don’t want to lose what little friendship I might be able to build things like this in some way can turn me paranoid in social situation sometimes.
However, nothing has happened for months bacause i read a lot of crap around this thing of limerence and OCD
Although I think I'm actually happy about this because I feel like I'm gaining some self-control and awareness through all this crap.

If you obsess over succubi this website is not for you.

>>307247
>If you obsess over succubi this website is not for you.
I started this thread after reading the chan rules, again.
I’m not in love with a succubi, my damn brain is messed up and keeps getting fixated on a “thing.” It’s not that different from OCD, except that this shit hasn’t been studied much because the specific conditions that trigger it are different from typical OCD though they might be related.
That’s why I’m trying to explain this shit about the LO (Limerency Object) and the limerent object thing
I’m not in love with that succubi, nor do I feel something.
My body just reacts out of inertia, like a state of freezing and panic followed by anxiety and other obsessive-compulsive effects like rumination and other shit around LO thing.
I can't tell any of my family or so-called “friends” about this shit because I know the first thing they'd say is that I'm crazy or that I should try to make a move on (my LO or you can call her or succubi if you want your sex/genre shit), when I don't want any of this shit.

The worst part about this is that I read that sometimes it happens to some people with members of the opposite sex whom they aren't attracted to, regardless of age this shit just ignore your sexual preferences sometimes with some people, never happened to me)
I guess they call it “Object” because using concepts like love, romance, or obsession subject etc don't make sense to this whole thing that in reality just dehumanizes the people you're obsessed with and puts them on a pedestal in your mind as if they were perfect.
I started this thread partly in case to see if another wizard is going through or has gone through this crap.

>>307156
In his case how is this thought going to help him?

>>305809
>>307152
I have nothing to say to you brother but I feel the same. I relate to this on a deeper level.

hey iam 1.83m and i will get height surgery to make it 1.95m you should KYS now it's over for you

>>305809
>I am 23 years old. You might say that is young. But I have lost the most important years of my growth and development.
yes, but don't worry, that is all still too little compared to the future

>>305809
Yes, I went through something similar. I regret not running away or hanging myself as a teenager. There is this wish to permanently leave this world through hanging. Soon I will experience what comes after death. If there is nothing I will stop experiencing this nightmare too.

>>307102
Once you have that first drink it's impossible to stop. There is no 'responsible amount of drinking' for people like us. It's best to avoid it completely.

>>307199
That's exactly what big booze wants you to think.

>>307199

That's not true unless you have a physiological addiction to alcohol.

You can stop after a drink or even a couple. You just don't want to.

>>307214
It's chasing the dopamine dragon. And the more you drink the harder it is to tell you've had too much.

>>307214
Not him but there's a form of alcoholism where you just don't stop after you get drunk, because your inhibition has been lowered. I have it and can only regulate alcohol by buying it in small hip flasks or set bottles of wine.

When I was 20 I bought a whole bottle of whiskey and then the next thing I remember after I started drinking was waking up on a playground after I passed out blackout drunk.

>>307012
that makes you brothers doesn't it?

>>307018
I'm schizophrenic not lobotomised

>>306971
>It's hit or miss. It can be extremely terrible or whitepilling.
From your description it seems like I hit the nail on your head. I am not American, I am also based in the European Union. I sometimes buy this fancy Dutch milk at the grocery store, freaking delicious.
>>306973
>If you see navigating the process as some arduous thing and are constantly fretting about psychiatry and meds, you probably are genuinely mentally ill
I think I am being reasonable, they simply replaced the restraints with tranquilisers and keep the worst of the abuse limited to the involuntary committed. It seems absurd to me to voluntarily look for medical help when you are having serious suicidal thoughts.

after being in and out of the hospital for years they set me up with outpatient treatment 5 days a week. i dont really like the group therapy

>>306974
I hope you are being sarcastic.
>>306978
Psychotherapy is as good as a placebo pill. If you want to talk about your issues you are better off trying any online forum or chat.

go-getter wizards that have a dream career and are eyeing that promotion

>>307186
I didn't think people would mind seeing as that's what most of this thread is. I always thought it was pretty interesting reading about what goes on in the lives of other wizards like the guy washing dishes. Of course questions like "What's it like working as _" are good too.

back to office… remote work ended

>>303790
Update: I quit that job. A co worker was stabbed and I decided I'm not risking that. It's literally slightly over min wage which doesn't amount to anything given the stress involved. It's also either extremely boring or extremely stressful. Sometimes I have to stand for 3 hours + straight in the same area directing customers who either don't listen or don't even speak the native languages of my country. Every 10 minutes feels like an hour. When it's not boring is when I'm forced to follow a thief in the store and note down what they're stealing so we can build a case on them, the issue is I'm in uniform so they notice me and often want to fight me. I don't even have a flashlight, and we have "stab" proof vests from Temu that my boss showed me he could poke a hole through with a pen if he stabbed hard enough. He calls himself the John Wick of "company name". I'm out, not sure what I'll do next as it's so hard to find work

>>307224
good call, even if the problem isn't some crackhead attempting to maim you because you caught him stealing a piece of gum, the boredom will. no joke

>Every 10 minutes feels like an hour.

no joke, this would drive you to insanity or at least it has been with me, to the point i just fantasize slitting my throat in front of the workplace or for your case, your local hobo would lovingly do it for you.

hope you find a new job sooner or later wizard

>>307203
>he was only 19 you sick fuck!! practically a baby!! they know nuffin about life!!

and yet you can join the military and go to war at that age. for all means and purposes, the world considers you an adult at that point. some people don't want to admit it, but your life could already be over at 20. it's not like you're going to suddenly learn some new magic information that changes everything. life could only get worse as your body and mind deteriorate. it's the beginning of the end and it's a good age to decide to opt out.

crawl…

>>307193
This board simply isn't for people who still want to get better. If you still want to recover you probably just have mild depression.

>>307201
Who fucking cares? So what if someone dies at 19 or 80? Why is it a problem either way?

>>307022
>>307020
kiwifarms drove him to suicide.