[ Home ] [ wiz / dep / hob / lounge / jp / meta / games / music ] [ all ] [  Rules ] [  FAQ ] [  Search /  History ]

/dep/ - Depression

Depression
[]
Email
Subject
Comment

File
Embed
Password (For file deletion.)
  [Go to bottom]  [Catalog]  [Reload]  [Archive]

File: 1761848985721.png (1.81 MB, 2500x1415, 500:283, Still Michael English 2.png) ImgOps iqdb

 No.303825[Reply]

Would they? I've been thinking.

My mom is already LDAR'ing due to the debt and she's already lost one child, so I think either by suicide or stress she would die. My dad? He didn't seem to care that much when my stepbro died, but I am his firstborn. I don't know really. My little brother would probably just turn into me. That's my only concern. Everyone else, would cry for a day maybe.
40 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.308885

>>303825
My relatives would be devastated, which sucks since they would be infinitely better off as they wouldn't have to keep worrying about their low-life useless slob son that will never amount to nothing.

So my closer-up normalfaggots acquaintances from childhood, but for them I don't care as they're all scum.

People forget things easily, anyway. Can't say I'd bother if someone close I knew from out of my family ended himself.

 No.308894

At this point, no. I know one person who would be a little sad but not surprised I went through with it and life would continue on. I might as well be dead now, I work nights and live far away from civilzation, I only go into town once or twice a month, preferably on a weekday morning when all the npcs are gone, though with summer comes all of the families with their screaming shithead children.

 No.308895

>>308869
They just want to remove the symptoms with medication, not the cause. Npcs are insane narcissists so it can't possibly be their fault when people want to drop out of society.

 No.308932

Some might. My brother certainly would and I would feel terrible for leaving him with that. My dad has enough problems already with aging and constant aches and pains. We've always got on alright and he's always tried to help me, ineffectual though it was, my suicide would probably leave him catatonically depressed as he'd think he failed me. In some sense he did, but that was more a team effort; my mom would care but I wouldn't care that she did.

I would like to think my colleagues would care. I work in a place that's understanding of mental health issues and they know I'm a bit peculiar. I wouldn't mind becoming some tragic character in their life-story, though they'd probably move on quick: "He was a nice enough guy, that's sad." They're the only people I actually see in real life besides immediate family so I've naively grown quite attached to them. I expect the feeling isn't mutual. They have their lives, I don't have mine.

Besides that, a handful of online friends would be concerned if I went offline permanently. Though if I ever kill myself I think it'd be fun to create an autobiographical website type suicide note, which I'd probably send to them, or leave somewhere online.

 No.308962

Nobody would care if I killed myself, everyone treated me like a joke, people in public and my family, I move a lot and because of that I have no friends, I’m so lonely that sometimes I feel like I’m going insane, I’m a neet and I hate it, I serve 0 purpose in life, I’m so Lonely, maybe life would be better after, ide like to imagine that after death it’s calm and warm with a nice breeze and you wouldn’t be trapped in a body, all succubi are sexist bitches, I’ve been treated horribly by succubi they’ve lied to me and have been fake to me, my family would be relieved if I’m gone, I have no energy to do anything I can’t even properly take care of myself, they’ll just see it as more room in the house once I’m gone, my sister would be happy and my parents would be happy but pretend to be sad, someone please help me


 No.308794[Reply]

It kinda sucks knowing that people hate you, wherever i go i am met with this endless negativity that i am just supposed to ignore. Even when i try to be friendly and polite i still somehow find a way to fuck up and make people hate my guts. I am sick of it to be honest, sick of fuckinh everything. God hates me and i hate him back, because why wouldnt i?
8 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.308944

>>308942
If you don't mind me asking, what's the job? What class of people are we talking about?

I've always enjoyed the pure look of contempt mixed with concern and disgust when I'm floundering in a social situation. I try to not look people in the face and feel they're weighing me up when they do - this might be my insecure interpretation, though.

 No.308945

>>308942
>shouldn't someone like me just be written off as a nobody that isn't a problem
They can sense you aren't like them.

 No.308949

>>308942

100%. I'd rather be marked as harmless. I've seen some people have some success becoming a "dog person" or other "in" with the normies but I'm not changing for their approval.

 No.308954

>>308944
It's a supermarket and the succubi I'm referencing are highschoolers/uni students and 25~50 y/o succubi. Older succubi are fine I've noticed. They're probably just happy to be dealing with a White man lol.

>>308945
Oh for sure they can sense it. Shouldn't I be less of a threat than a literal psycho criminal though? It's not like these criminals are handsome or sociable either, they are weirder than I am but they still get better treatment than me. It's so weird.

>>308949
I like the idea of a normie camouflage. I also agree not changing for their approval but I do want to be written off the hit list. I just don't want to be attacked and harassed and I'm willing to make certain changes to ensure that. All within reason. I remember in my 20s when I had to walk everywhere I had to act a little off putting around the ghetto types to get them to leave me alone. I'd scratch myself a lot, sniff loudly, and scream every 2 minutes or so lol. They wrote me off as not worth interacting with. If I acted "normal" it's just constants bombardments of "got a dollar bro?" or other variants.

 No.308961

>>308949
Normies thinking that you are harmless is the best excuse you can give them to harass you, if there's an inbred somalian dancing naked on the subway no one will open his mouth but if a short white guy doesn't want to give his seat to a succubus they'll verbally murder you.


File: 1761503510832.gif (2.67 MB, 498x281, 498:281, 58957495759585.gif) ImgOps iqdb

 No.303736[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

You will still be stuck browsing this thread in 2026 edition

previous>>296811
263 posts and 38 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.308937

>>308764
I would kill to be 23 again and not make the wrong decisions which impacted my health. You are but a baby, try walk the right path

 No.308953

Have to go to a course to get some liquor license on the 20th. I shouldn't have agreed to it but it's so hard to say no. Of course it's on my day off, and I'll be attending it with mostly succubi. What a nightmare, in my country the culture is basically singing and dancing and games for these courses. The actual legal information needed takes 20 minutes to learn, but the course will last 8 hours and filled with games just to fluff up the salary of the course sellers. Gonna fucking hate it.

 No.308955

Botcoin > work

 No.308958

Jews are not human

 No.308960

>>308958
lucky them


[Last 50 Posts]

 No.307554[Reply]

another day another computer broken, no matter how hard i try i cant stop my explosive anger issues. im tired of how angry I get, it keeps me from enjoying things in life and forces me to avoid things I should enjoy. once the dust settles in, guilt crawls onto me. the cycle never stops. for the life of me I want this anger to stop, it keeps sabotaging things i enjoy.
11 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.308936

you will need to hate it, and hate it for many years before you can really stop. a good reality check is often helpful too. I won't go into much detail but I had similar issues as you are describing, I narrowly dodged a 10 year prison sentence and every since I've been a lot better, not perfect, not even good just a lot better

 No.308938

I like the adrenaline boost when I get angry

 No.308946

>>307554
OP *probably* could use a punching mannequin to beat / 2practice_fighting_skillz@get_exhausted@relax_a_bit

 No.308947

>>307554
What triggers your anger? There has to be a cause.

 No.308959

>>308947
unoptimized jerk off schedule


File: 1782930000311.jpeg (152.57 KB, 960x720, 4:3, 1763851118667899.jpeg) ImgOps iqdb

 No.308855[Reply]

Does anyone else envy those people who say "I have 12\6\4 (etc) month to live"?
Imagine KNOWING for sure -more or less- how many time you have left; all the impunity, courage, quickness and nimbleness, resolution and firmness, with which you would do anything and everything.
I envy such people!
6 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.308868

I'd like to off myself in the distant future for multiple reasons but I'm afraid that when the time comes I bitch out or it has become harder to find resources for painless methods. Because of that, if a doctor told me right now that I will die in about a year or so, it would lift a huge burden off me. I don't think I would do much though, no hedonism because that always feels like a waste so instead maybe writing a book or something to leave behind. At last I'd go to Japan and off myself before my time comes in whatever beautiful and relatively isolated landscape I can find, and humbly ask in my suicide note to be buried in that country, not because I'm a weeb but because it's the only fair country left on Earth.

 No.308886

>>308868
>buried
you DO know japan has made burials illegal, right? they just cremate people and have trouble with space of ashes vases

 No.308887

>>308886
burials, cremation, it's all the same to me, I just don't want my remains to stay in Eur*pe.

 No.308888

yeah would be really good to know how much i have left.

 No.308957

Not really, it's a slow death. You should envy those guys who suddenly die from heart attacks or ODs


File: 1780941055607.png (395.23 KB, 1920x1200, 8:5, inn5.png) ImgOps iqdb

 No.308343[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

The Time God does not forget nor forgive edition. You will do this again.

Previous: >>307210
99 posts and 9 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.308934

>>308928
>nuclear family wizard is mad at both parents

Been there.
Still stuck with them. However, the knowledge on serial monogamy among our cavemen ancestors - as opposed to the "cereal monogamy" of our farmer ancestors - helps me to realize my parents' marriage was the chemistry thing, not the having each other's back thing AS OPPOSED TO MY EXPECTATIONS

 No.308950

File: 1783287862081.jpg (41.91 KB, 235x302, 235:302, 1598001867950.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Almost certain I got ingual hernia or femoral hernia.
Had ingual hernia as a kid and almost died on the operating table due to them not being able to wake me up from induced sleep.
Since then I've ruined my health in as many ways as possible, BP medication has me on really low heart rate, like sometimes below 40 during sleep, often below 50 during the day.
I don't think I'd wake up this time around.

Is this it? Am I going to die at 30 on the operating table?

I'm honestly too scared to even go get a proper diagnosis right now, because I just have a bad feeling about this whole thing. There is no nonsurgical option allegedly.
The best outcome would be "maintenance and monitoring" until I can actually lose enough weight to lose the meds and maybe survive anesthesia.

I'm terrified. Trying to cope with immersing myself in a game world for now. Despite all the misery I still wanna live another 20 or so years… Wish I did something with my life up until this point.
Wish I could just magic all my problems away…

 No.308951

>>308950
Just get into smoking weed or something that makes your heart rate higher. There was a YouTube weed guy who died of a heart attack a couple of years ago; he said he was just chilling at his computer, got up and suddenly had a 180 bpm heart rate for hours. It’s from years of smoking.

 No.308952

>>308951
I don't think that would solve the problem at hand.
I'd need to get off meds before a surgery which means losing weight and even then the whole thing is like a death gamble.

On a somewhat related note I am looking into getting a vape of some kind to help not stuff my face all day.

 No.308956

>>308950
I got inguinal hernia and I just act like it doesn't exist. I am probably making it worse because I just can't stop exercising.


[Last 50 Posts]

 No.307994[Reply]

The day of Armageddon has inched towards me in just 2 hours. I completed a worthless degree in IT, by completed, I mean gave the final exams of the final semester just 2 hours ago, and I returned home, which is in a third world country. And the results are as I expected, as a matter of fact, when I came back I could literally feel the tension inside my house mounting.

I was expecting one day or another, for this to happen but it's surreal how quickly it has happened, my parents had a massively heated argument with me, and honestly, it took me a few years back when my parents used to abuse the hell out of me, I can for some reason, literally feel the terror of abuse in the lower half of my spine and in my kidneys.

The question is obvious, which is what will I do next? Because I am about to graduate completely unemployed, in this little third world country, and of course the parents aren't happy, as it is in the nature of everyone maybe mine as well to be pissed seeing a man wake up at 9AM and ask for breakfast, and take it back to the Air Conditioned room, the resentment is off the charts for obvious reason of what my parents would consider "stealing" from them because I am not paying back in any meaningful labour, seems like I will have to wake up at 6AM in the morning tomorrow and not use Air Conditioner at all.

It was honestly, a massive argument, I just few hours ago got back to my house from a scorching 42C temperature and now I am being cooked internally. At this point, I have started to prepare for the worst, any day in "my" house could be my last, I am trying to gather all the IDs, gather all the documents for eventual kick, and a kick in a country like this is extremely close to death. Certainly slightly different from other countries where you can live in your car, given that in this country the car ownership rate is 8%. So there goes living in a Honda Fit out of the Window.

I must get a job, I have tried getting a job online, from microtasks, to annotation for OneForma, to trying to act like an agent for PornStars online, to chat on their behalf, and I have earned no more and no less than 0 in any currency of this planet. The jig is coming to an end. While I am not familiar with the thoughts of life in the Christian Theology because I wasn't born in a Christian Family, but my Judgement, rather Execution is near. Fuck me. There is very real chance that I will have to take a permanent dip into a Holy River. I meaPost too long. Click here to view the full text.
27 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.308116

>>308107
What happened with Sri Lanka is that the IMF and World Bank rushed in and gave them gibs to restart their agricultural industry in a more free-market fashion. I think it was something like a 5 billion dollar grant, which also allowed Sri Lanka to leverage itself with more debt and get the ball rolling again. In exchange for that, the votebank shit of farmers just voting for gibs was made to stop, but there's a lot of pressure there to return to the old ways of unsustainable subsidies.

>>308112
There's two parts of British rule, the EIC and direct crown rule. From what I understand (my knowledge of this part is more patchy) is that the EIC was on its way to becoming a typical extractive empire, utilizing the same mercenary castes to maintain its rule, and playing divide and conquer. They gained power initially by offering a less-corrupt alternative to the Mughals, and Indians themselves turned to them, it was a bottom-up selection choice in a lot of ways. After the ball got rolling and they blobbed over the sub-continent, they started to utilize the same dirty tactics the Mughals once used. It started to embarrass the British crown and lead to PR issues when some of these renegade mercenary castes took it too far and started looting Indian cities.

British crown rule was very expensive for the British, but was managed like a standardized administrative Empire. The actual British Raj people generally have in mind only really came into existence for the last 70 years of colonial rule, it was a relatively short period of time. They tried in the 1930s to squeeze a profit out of their colonies and do what the Marxists have always accused them of doing, applying protectionism and locking their entire empire into a common market. It just didn't really work and they were still haemorrhaging money. The entire reason the British fucked off in the 1940s with barely a fight is because exponential population growth in India made the situation financially and logistically untenable.

I do think the British are responsible for formalizing caste in a way that didn't help anyone, and institutionalizing it. It was done for two reasons. The first was that they asked the local powers how caste worked, and the people in charge at the time gave the most aPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

 No.308125

>>308116
>They tried in the 1930s to squeeze a profit out of their colonies and do what the Marxists have always accused them of doing, applying protectionism and locking their entire empire into a common market. It just didn't really work and they were still haemorrhaging money.
This is where I will disagree with you, Britain, as much as I respect the country and it's people, they are not the kind of country to give away a single sterling in charity. There is so much literature on this online, in books both British and Indian, the country was for most part the Crown Jewel of Britain, apart from last two years, which thanks to the war were an anomaly and bankrupted Britain, and even in that war which was not ours or concerned us in anyways we paid with our treasury of money and paid in blood for which we got nothing in return and nobody remembers us for that and in a war that was not ours to begin with. India was throughly a major asset for them, and they milked it well. It's not a romantic time for us.
>It's their kids that are the worst for this behavior
Damn, that surprises me a lot, I know a few of them, and almost all of them detest India. And not only that all succubi date out, I don't think men will date out, because the blackpill dictates that being an Indian is as bad as being a 5'3 male in the dating market. And in both Indian Men and succubi born there, I have heard nothing from them except disdain for India and even greater disdain for newly arriving people, they call them fobbies or fobs or something. This is surprising. But then again as I set it doesn't interest me much what goes on there, because I mean, once you change the country, and you have kids there, those kids as far as I am concerned are Americans and in their eyes we're backward people responsible for ruining their reputation and for the racism they face.

 No.308126

File: 1780132181230.jpg (10.47 KB, 224x350, 16:25, 3472652362.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>308125
>This is where I will disagree with you, Britain, as much as I respect the country and it's people, they are not the kind of country to give away a single sterling in charity.

You could be correct on this part. I have read a little on the British Raj but not too much, and most of the sources I have are right wing Austrian economics perspectives and /pol/tard chuddery. The idea mainly being the opportunity cost for the British and that the money spent on colonialism could've been invested elsewhere and generated a similar or better return. Although for what it's worth I think colonialism in India was a massive mistake either way, and I wish the British were never involved there.

But even many of the academics that are critical of the marxist claims that colonial Europe looted the third world carve out a slight exception for India. Many of the more mainstream books I've read on the 19th century second wave of European colonialism talk about how India was strangely an exception to the moneysink thesis. The book "Oxford University's Short History of the 19th century" (pic related) had an assortment of academics all saying "yeah the British Raj was profitable, a few east indies territories were profitable, the rest really weren't". Africa absolutely was a moneysink and there's so many cabinet meetings government officials in Germany and France held talking about it. The German government wanted their own version of the East India company for Africa, so they could offload the colonies onto them, but no private investor was willing to get involved.

>Damn, that surprises me a lot, I know a few of them, and almost all of them detest India.

I can't mindread but I guess they just have a diaspora identity and feel they don't belong. Maybe it's their way of pushing back against or coping with the increasing racism and they don't really believe it? And I don't know man, people genuinely get along better than you read online. I'm an older guy that went to school when there was just one token pakistani guy and one token sikh succubus, and now it's like 15% of my city is indian. If there's a group of four or five teens doing something after school downtown, it's common for an indian to be in the group. The online talk about it only being succubi and the men being sexless virPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

 No.308127

>>308126
>What do I know though, I'm a sexless virgin myself just judging friendship groups I see on the street. But yeah, it doesn't really impact you where you are.
I there's one thing that unites wizards here, I only used to read about relationships when I used to be an angry and rageful person back then who just discovered blackpill and terms like involuntary celibate but at this point, I think most of us are trying to accept or working towards living with our fate. Hopefully, though I hope Indians don't cause you much trouble but hey, I have lived in India since birth I know how truly horrendous the people from this country are, and I guess it was a mistake for Western Countries to accept so many immigrants from India, although still baffles me cause I thought it was very hard to immigrate.
>Anyways, thanks for replying to my excessive rambling. I hope things work out for you man.
No problem wiz-bro, if anything I quite enjoyed talking to you whether we saw eye to eye or not on things, but I am you know typical loner with no friends, no internet friends so it's always so nice to talk to you and other wizards like you on this forum, unless of course normies and co will try to shut this place down as well.

 No.308948

Fast fact.
There is "industrial grade equipment" that has its electronic components to be programmed. I don't know if you can code in UART or Ladder or have experience making flowcharts as part of visual programming, but here's the thing. Look for industrial stuff to programm. No StackOverflow, no neuroslop, it's supposed to behave flawlessly so they aren't going to let LLMs in *that* easy.

That's where your real degree in computers - once combined with your wizardry - comes in handy: you get trusted with "real" equipment and not some CSS/PHP/Java/'script let alone the non-language. Besides, industrial shit isnt prone to massive anti-hacker updates, unlike, say, Chrome.


Cheers and take it easy.


File: 1782978292298.png (42.55 KB, 1363x135, 1363:135, UThuntingtondisease.png) ImgOps iqdb

 No.308871[Reply]

Hello all. Normally, I considered /dep/ to be the saddest board on the Internet. Today I realized I was wrong.

I realized I was wrong when looking up Huntington's Disease videos on Youtube. Huntington's Disease is a genetic, degenerative neurological disorder that attacks motor control functions, leaving victims unable to control their own muscles and confining them to a lifetime of tranquilizers that paralyze them. Or, the disease attacks their brain and turns them into a completely thoughtless carrot.

There is no cure and scientists can only understand the disease by progressively dissecting victims' brains, in almost exactly the way the evil doctor from day of the dead does it. And actually, the description of zombieism from the day of the dead is very similar to Huntingon's Disease.
7 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.308893

File: 1783031676232.jpg (274.95 KB, 1640x1557, 1640:1557, __aqua_utdr_and_1_more_dra….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Imagine having this disease and being evil enough to have a child (Knowing they have a 50% chance of also getting it). Breeders are fucking insane

 No.308912

>>308893
My mother was carrier of an extremely rare genetic disease that makes you disabled since day 1 and life expectancy is 16-18 years, chance of inheriting it was also 50% and she still decided to have me because yolo. I'm convinced I would've been better off with the disease knowing what my life would've been, I'm still genetic trash but I have to endure it for many many years because survival instincts, humanity is the worst virus of them all.

 No.308914

>>308893
This is how I feel about ageing mothers, that is, the vast majority of wizchan posters. My mom was 41, fucking demonic cunt

 No.308941

>>308914
Never thought about the number, my mother was 37 when she had me. I always found it strange in elementary school how my parents were the only ones who looked old. Grey hairs, wrinkles, all that. Meanwhile the other students parents looked like older siblings.

 No.308943

From that description sounds like my mother has something very similar but minor. She's losing muscle function, but largely due to her lifestyle of eating like 10~20k calories a day and laying down 24/7. Mentally fried as she's on a cup full of pils every day and night, if she even misses one she will freak out and try run outside naked because the men in black suits are trying to kill me. Someone like her wasn't made for life, just a defected product sadly


File: 1774060291058.png (306.55 KB, 450x369, 50:41, mfw.png) ImgOps iqdb

 No.306449[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

What is the average wizard's relationship with religion like? No religious person has ever been able to give me a good argument for why God, if he is out there, is not the most maximally evil being in the universe simply by the virtue of creating suffering when he could have chosen not to. Saying "suffering builds character" and derivatives of is just a manifestation of their stockholm syndrome for this vile entity

>I form the light, and create darkness. I make peace, and create evil. I YHWH do all these things - Isaiah 45:7
147 posts and 17 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.308917

>>308916
If you neglect to capitalize the right Words god will personelly teleport behind you and throw you into hEll

 No.308919

>>308917
Nice algospeak, nice "write a better post" block avoiding

 No.308920

>>308919
Looks like you forgot to capitalize correctly, prepare for hEll kid

 No.308926

>>308916
He feedeth birds to other animals. That seems cruel.

 No.308939

I simply think/pray in my mind to "the real creator" and tell him I hope he has nice plans for me because Im tired. I don't really associate it with any religion, just the powerful creator


[Last 50 Posts]

File: 1783157605201.jpg (1.54 MB, 1500x1000, 3:2, SIG_Pro.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

 No.308918[Reply]

How to get over the fact that you can't freely decide over your own body? Like I always wanted to own a gun because I could decide to shoot myself with it but I don't know how to buy or use it.

Being so powerless in front of the events is utterly disgusting and I don't know how to cope.

 No.308921

>I don't know how to buy or use it.
Then learn. Go watch a YouTube video on gun licensing and purchasing. Then watch a video on gun safety and do the opposite of what it tells you.
>Being so powerless in front of the events is utterly disgusting
You're not powerless. You're either lazy or have been so indoctrinated in to the academic protocols of learning that you've forgotten that you can just learn things on your own without some teacher assigning books and lessons to you.

 No.308923

"im too retarded to walk into a pawn shop" alright

 No.308924

you don't. you were bred to be a slave, without will or initiative. all you've got going for you is pain. sorry but that's just how it is. owning your body is purely a question of will. if you don't own it well then welcome to the club buddy. there's no hope here

 No.308925

Firearm ownership might not be for you. It wasn't for me either, I sold mine and felt way more in control of my destiny without it.

 No.308929

>>308925
Darn I wish I had a gun to shoot myself with.


  [Go to top]   [Catalog]
Delete Post [ ]
Previous [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10]
[ Home ] [ wiz / dep / hob / lounge / jp / meta / games / music ] [ all ] [  Rules ] [  FAQ ] [  Search /  History ]