/dep/ - Depression

>>303913
I was also starved by others my whole childhood and kept from drinking properly.

The issues OP has remind me of my own brain damage and general bodily damage.

>>303914
>[…], that is NORMAL. Not immediately wanting to do whatever your retarded teachers or parents tell you to do is NORMAL. It's not a sign of AWTISUM or a symptom of THE SPECTRUM. All kids are defiant against lame authority by nature and it takes years of mental and physical rape to rewire their brains in to uncontested submission. You are not autistic, stop trusting every random flush of bullshit on the internet published by the cult of mental health and human psyche sorting.

True, modern society is built on matters that go agaist this instinct of an evolved ape called "human" or another. (Context: the "clay" in the WORD, yes, but "clay" may refer to something organic, not necessary the SiO2 * H2O mix known as "clay". Just like the "dust to dust" goes together with known degrading *back* to basic organic matter in the food chain).

>>302510
>>302510
I think you have a *complex* when it comes to expressing yourself. Not awootimus

>They assume due to my awkwardness, my uncanny demeanour, ugly face and lack of height that I’m some kind of freak/someone to be suspicious of. They look at me like I’m some kind of sex pest/serial killer when all I’m doing is just existing

OK, they *give* you a reason to have a complex. What if it's about them, not you? Try getting a job elsewhere. Also, try learning a quick way to tie a tie: you'll look more "orderly" in a.

>>303924
Do you have a complex when expressing "your" "self" and you have Autism.

>>303622
theres a reason most other autists i know are either hopelessly immersed into useless politics or turn into transformers. Brainrot propaganda as is effective to them as legacy media is for boomers. Very few can escape it, usually by clinging onto their favorite hobby or whatnot

>>303899
As opposed to normalfags, culture war tools or low iq emotional retards taking over social media? Even if AI doesn't exist you'd still be complaining.

We are only a couple years, at most, from digital ID being forcefully implemented around the world. Whether its going to stay or not we don't really know but just knowing that it will happen dissolves the motivation that I have to develop a career. I could try to get somewhere but if Im going to have to drop it all in a year to keep myself from being tracked and tagged then what is the point. It's probably worth it for the money before it happens but I don't feel ready to deal with this when I am still a meek retard in 2025

>>303907
I already don't have social media, but the current state of the internet makes me want to use it less and less. At this point, I don't even care about Digital ID, but the time it's implemented, I will probably go offline.

Are there any other suicide forums than Sanctioned Suicide? I got banned for "fetish content" for discussing hanging yourself while watching porn and jerking off.
Also that entire site is so damned cucked. Got warnings for stupid stuff before.

I was murdered by necrosis and amoxicillin; every part of my body was damaged, and lost cells. This started in 2018 or 2019. Since 2019, I've been too dead to live, but I still haven't managed to escape this horrible deadman prison.

This is what it means to become a devil.

I'm waiting to finally lynch Satan (Jesus Christ). Then I can finally be done with this bullshit.

It's been almost 7 years of my life being over. I've tried to come back from the damage, by always taking good care of myself. But there's no escaping this dead state. I can't give myself the livingness I need to live and be alive. Livingness has been absent from my life for all these 7 years, nonstop.

Satan is one of the murderers responsible.

>>303861
The gibs for disability in my country are like 70$ a month. It's laughable. I wouldn't be able to afford food.
>>303868
Also this. In Post-Soviet countries, you are diagnosed with autism only in childhood, then you are "upgraded" to schizophrenia. At least it's what my psych told me. That being said, I can get gibs for a physical disability of mine, but again, it isn't worth it.
To get a disability, you need to pay fat bribes to doctors, otherwise they wouldn't even consider it.
Wizzies in shithole countries wageslave for a good reason, the system is rigged.

I'm going to start a night shift next week. Is there any way to do night shifts without it wrecking your health? I heard vitamin D supplements help obviously because of the lack of sunlight and such, but how do I maintain a "normal" sleep schedule and a "normal" (normal as far as people like us are concerned) life outside of work?

I'm no wageslave, because my job doesn't pay me so.

Not sure how to feel, I'm on basically final warning however I'm also in a new higher paid position at the same time.

The warning carried over from my other role even though it was one mistake and the new role is basically unrelated. Still, the other two possibilities were getting fired or getting stuck in the lower paid position forever.

I got a call from the boss asking why I wasn't at work (I wasn't scheduled). Boss works on salary and comes and goes 7 days a week (workaholic) and forgets you can't just run hourly employees in and out all day on whimsy. It's still going to count against me for not being at work lol.

Why is everyone talking only about hanging, heights, guns and drugs? Is this all there is? Hanging is the only viable method when you have little money.

I'm more interested in some learning resources. I can't believe nobody explored the topic of poisons, I'm very much interested in the results. Poison sounds like overall the smartest choice.

>>298222
Question about doorknob hanging, what's stopping me from grabbing the rope or grabbing the doorknob and trying to free myself? Likewise if regular hanging what's stopping you from just grabbing onto the rope?

2 attempted ODs now and both times I bottled it and got hospitalised. Thank fuck my country's health care is dog shit so I wasn't sectioned and can try again when I nut up. I fear I never will and the suffering will continue indefinitely.

>>303725
Nothing. I dunno how a regular hanging would work, even if you grabbed it for a while, would you eventually tire and have to give up?
Anyway, that's how I failed the doorknob, I guess. I don't really remember what happened. I think I panicked as my consciousness faded and got out somehow. Maybe I jerked out or threw my hands up or something. I suppose the people who can do it are the ones really committed, who can go long enough to get to the point where it's too late to try and help yourself. Maybe I wasn't drunk enough.

That was a long time ago and good and bad things have happened to me since then. I don't think I would've missed out on much if I'd been successful, but I'm no longer in a place where I'm suffering enough to try again, even if I still think about it.

I have digitalis and amitriptyline, but here is the kicker: it's in form of injections. Do you think it would work if I ingest them?
Also, what should I take to knock myself out? I was thinking about taking a whole pack of benzoes and over the counter sleep aids.
It would work as a poor man's heart switch, but without morphine. I can't acess other drugs like that. Although, I have oxyotocine, but I dunno how it would interact with other drugs.
I was thinking about adding beta blockers to lower my blood pressure even further.

>>303332
>even if you rationally don't believe in it anymore, just believe its in your self-interest to believe
i'm not a retard so i can't do this

I don't know what to do. I'm around 21 and I go to uni. I've been struggling with porn use and procrastination in general. I'm also not doing too good in uni. One thing is that I just don't have any friends at all for the past 2-3 years. I feel so sad, I just feel like I'm in a deep dark pit I can't get of. The porn use is the worst, I just can't seem to get over it. There was a period around 3 years ago where I was able to give it up for around 3 months but since then it's almost always stuck with me. It's not mastrubation that's the problem, but rather the porn usage, once I start watching it in the day I just can't stop. I don't know what to do at all. I think I would feel much less sadder if I was able to masturbate alone quickly rather than watching porn for hours. On every internet platform I use I'm always a lurker, I've never told people about my problems and I don't know what to do. I feel as if I'm losing myself to all this and I just don't know what to do. There's also the problem of money, I'm not rich, and due to money problems I have to bare some problems that would be solved if I had money. This is also a reason for the depression, and I'm not in a country where it's easy to earn money that is worth it in terms of the time that you spend earning it and that is in the scenario that you're able to find work in the first place which is already a tough scenario. I don't know why I'm typing all this here, maybe it's because this place has people similar to me. Rather than talking to me about how to solve my problems, it would be better if I was able to talk to just someone in general or someone who was able to get to a better place, I already know how to try to solve my problems, but I just can't bring myself to take these steps. I'm pretty sure I'm addicted to the internet, it's all just a host of things that have been festering inside my head for years, like a bad fridge you don't clean out. I don't exercise either because it is a bit inconvenient for me. I also have a very minor medical problem, but I'm pretty sure it would be solved or at least slightly allievated if I just had some money, that too just kind of depresses me. I don't know how to make progress, I don't know what to do.

>>303636
You sound like me 5-6 years ago when I started uni during the first wave of lockdowns. Was awesome at first, not leaving the house and playing games all day but soon I started exclusively living on the computer. Porn usage went up, just grinding games mindlessly without enjoyment etc. I still deal with porn addiction and procrastination and still haven't finished my degree yet. Similar to you I am somewhat socially isolated and have nobody to talk to about this in real life on a level that goes deeper than self deprecating jokes about "I hate my life I am useless lmao". You say you know what steps you need to take to solve your problems but be careful that you are actually treating the cause, not just the symptom. Porn addiction, like all addictions are often just a coping strategy for unmet emotional needs. Until you figure out what those are (what material do you usually jerk off to, what kinds of feelings are you trying to avoid when you boot up porn etc) you will be powerless to stop the addiction. I had to realize that my porn usage is as compulsive because I trained myself at a young age that my sexuality was a bad thing and that succubi don't want anything to do with it. So porn became the only outlet. Then as I got older and more isolated, other things got added like feeling loved, having someone else take control (especially when IRL you always feel like you're struggling just to survive) and so on. So now I can at least name the things that trigger the addiction and I can try to deal with those. Progress is slow and life goes on. If you are not a normal with a social circle, regular things will be much harder for you. Try to finish your degree if you think it's worth anything on the job market later, even if it takes you longer. I tried getting out of academia and into a job and always got rejected, likely because they just saw a failed student who was too old. So beware of that. Otherwise make up your mind and quit now if you can find an okay job that will bring you stability. But in my estimation, you need to do some deep emotional introspection before you start to act. Godspeed

>>303638
thank you for this

>>303638
earth is not a planet
that is a fake photograph

>>302723
Problem is, that's also "schizo"

bump

>>302696
Just one look at r/schizoid will tell you that a lot of them (mostly succubi and man-whores who sleep around though) are sex-havers. Being schizoid doesn't mean you don't procreate. Hell, some of them even have children of their own.
Anyway, psychiatry is a fake science and words don't have any meaning anymore.

>>302696
Sometimes I think i have AVPD (Avoidant personality disorder) but now, i dont know anymore.
Maybe it's just a anxiety problem or a anxiety disorder, you know the Avoidant part problems.
I dont think I have autism.
>Also
Sometimes i just feel out of place, like a alien lol.

Satan made solo life difficult; gotta defeat Satan to make it easy as can be.
God still needs to become God, via Satan's defeat, so you can have the two you need (yourself and God), once Satan is out of the picture.

Existence hasn't had a god or gods since always, and having God and gods would make it all it needs to be.
Omnipotence, omniscience, and omnipresence, would solve all problems and make it all easy for everyone and anyone, and for everything and anything.

This planet, and human society, forced a system of dependence, rather than of independence.

This planet doesn't really support independence at all.

>>303318
There's no support to be found here. If you don't have a loving family or friends you're fucked. Try turning your brain off and stop caring. That usually works for anxiety.

>>303320
Point taken

>>303053
OP's here. I was crossing a small road today. And instead of a comfy walk, I was standing against a SUV that didn't seem to slow down today. I wasn't scared. I merely had a slight of that DO IT!!!1111 /dep/raved rage - which, however, didn't kick in.

I guess the SUV slowed down automatically due to its sensors, it's a modern one.

Oh and the driver had the nerve to just sit in his car for 20 seconds to memorize my face. Good. Time to shave.

>>303053
>performing poorly in school or work
that's 100% me

Being a murder victim could cause that disorder. Thanks for the info! Had issues with that for all of my life.

Fucking hate people who think they have the right to murder.
Fucking hate absurdity, always.

d e p e n d s



well, you pretty much should make your "will", also, fill up an "urgent medical information" card (blood type, known allergies, this or that)

A bank cell?

Hire a lawyer? A piece of paper can just be thrown away so you probably need a person to campaign your rights after your death.

>I wonder if this led me to become who I am now, at least in social settings.
The fact that being less social than average is just your personality, which you've not made any serious attempts to change.
>I have no idea if I suffered from this
Then do yourself a favor and come to accept that you didn't. If you don't know if you suffered or not, then you didn't suffer. Don't dwell on hypotheticals and possible reasons that you're not feeling as good as you'd like. You're not suffering emotional abuse right now and that's all that matters.
>I read those internet ads about caring for parents and children, and they recommended hugs, affection, and not denying children's pain and suffering, and that the best thing is to get it off the emotions of their chest or body. but if this doesn't happen, then they build up a shell, armor, or something like that
This armor is called emotional maturity. It's the natural ability to not succumb to random bouts of sadness or hysteria; to not let your state of mind and dedication towards your current task be swayed by bad feelings. It's just a matter of not being a baby anymore.
>Babies and toddlers do this naturally when they cry.
Which you are not anymore. There are viable ways to relive emotional tension and take your mind off of your problems as an adult man, but none of them involve crying.
>I can't remember the last time I cried with all my might or something like that.
Then be glad that you're not living a life full of sad happenings worth crying over. If you ever father children and are unfortunate enough to see them die young, then you'll probably cry. Not crying after watching Bambi as an adult is not a sign of being cold or [/i]emotionless[/i].
>I wonder if I can treat it
There's nothing to treat. What do you have to gain by age-regressing to the point of being emotionally vulnerable?

This Tumblr female culture of "Maybe I'm an undiagnosed, untested, abuse survivor with repressed memories, and that's why I can't win the videogame" needs to end. You're a dude, OP. Act like it.

>>303890
>The fact that being less social than average is just your personality, which you've not made any serious attempts to change.
People who are emotionally denied tend to deny sympathy or friendships, sometimes even denying them before others do, why? Bacause of fear of being denied. as if it were a shit behaviour loop. Not bacause they want but bacause they're at this way by habit and experience.
>If you don't know if you suffered or not, then you didn't suffer
Problems manifest themselves early on, and normally our parents or guardians don't usually see them, and then these manifest themselves later and worse in adulthood. So yes we habits are our problems based on experience and trauma.
There is a book about children of emotionally neglectful parents, and there are even parents who gave their children everything they needed but no affection, and then ended up with emotional dependency issues, adult addictions, social problems, or problems with their own families, although this is not always the case.
>This armor is called emotional maturity
Everyone can cry, but I'm sure that normalizing the idea that armor=maturity will only lead to more emotional tension, stress, and anxiety because you don't have good mechanisms for getting rid of emotions that you don't even know you should be processing bacause you see it like a good shield or something.
Hiding or mask your shit all the time will only frustrate you if that's all you know how to do and you can't break free from it if you dont have the knowledge to do. There's a reason why NEET are sometimes so screwed up emotionally, and it's not just because they're NEETs.
>Which you are not anymore. There are viable ways to relive emotional tension and take your mind off of your problems as an adult man, but none of them involve crying.
Yep you get my point there's a reason why the military learn cope mechanism for survival, but the military has a certain mindset of its own. I doubt the depressed wizard has the same mindset, but the coping mechanisms probably work more or less the same way.
Although I believe that never crying properly can screw you up, I my experience had a bout of facial paralysis and other stress-related issues that wouldn't go away, evenPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

OP here. tried to play some game today but after 5 minutes O stopped playing. it is difficult to change my bad habits, I just can't

>>303874
Hang in there. Just try to do a little each day even if all you can do is 5 minutes. If you've got extra energy, try to do a little more than yesterday, but if not anything is fine.

>>303849
>I'm sad because I don't have a job or a degree
why the fuck would you be sad about that lol.
wagecucking is some of the worst shit ever.

>>303877
I can't be a NEET my whole life

domestos