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What did you want to be when you were a child?

I wanted to be a lawyer, wear a fancy suit everyday. Probably not going to happen at 34 years old.
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I wanted to be Batman.


Are your parents still both alive?


Yeah, and I have a heart problem and can't throw a punch in the air without my wrists getting sore. Also I have like 2 digits in my bank acount and I don't know how to drive. I guess there wasn't much hope to begin with.


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I wanted to be a scientist, but as I got older I shifted into engineering and robotics. Especially cause I started playing games like deus ex and thought they were cool. I got to uni and couldn’t handle the competitive nature of engineering. So I switched to a science, and now pursuing a PhD in it.


I don't think I ever really had strong convictions about what I expected from my future. My parents have always been so controlling, I guess I just expected everything would be fine so long as I had them watching over me. I never really had much room to be authentic/independent, so I just left the thinking to them. Obviously it didn't work out, but it was just more comfortable for everyone at the time.


I fucking hate my country. I hate myself. I am born in a third world country like India, it's an absolute shithole. I am from a poor family too which makes it harder for opportunities. My NEETdom has been killing me and all my interviews went in vain. I fucking can't take it anymore, Covid 19 has made it even worse.
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oh and btw the working week down here is 48h a week,so either you work 9 hours mon-fri or you work saturdays (a lot of people works saturdays).

So you can imagine the rage I get when I hear people here complaining about their 40h work week.

And what about neetbux? you may say,the socialist government may give you like $160 USD monthly under certain conditions,try surviving 2 weeks with that.



Ah okay I understand now. I hope I didn't offend anyone with my earlier post. I just was curious if the lower standard of living and the job market made life a bit easier. So basically, it is fucked everywhere in the world unless you grew up with money or have good social connections. Certainly, makes me feel more depressed.


>you may say,the socialist government may give you like $160 USD monthly under certain conditions,try surviving 2 weeks with that.

This is another reason why wizards shouldn't give a damn about politics. Neither the right or the left gives a fuck about you.


No need to worry about being offensive, you were just curious.

>it is fucked everywhere in the world unless you grew up with money or have good social connections

Yeah, pretty much. I guess it's even worse for wizards/apprentices.


No one here thinks that the NEETbux (here they call them "apoyos" or support money) is supposed to be a liveable wage,as the name says is supposed to help you,you have to find other means to sustain yourself.

But still the predatory right is even less kind to people,at least the left gives you some money,the right would say "tough shit should have been born rich" and forget about you.

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I both believe in and thoroughly hate God. Now a lot of you atheists will think “LOL WhY hATe GuD InSteAD thInK HiM not ReaL?” But disbelief is not an option for me due to intense personal revelation. That’s right, I was in the thick of it, fasting for numbers of days at a time, getting tested by demons and I have fuck all to show for it aside from some psychotic diagnoses I was finally able to milk for neetbux. I’m going to hell and let me tell you God is an importunate douche.
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I want to apologize for this thread. I selfishly decided to vent here and speak against God because I wanted somebody who could maybe actually understand me. Yes, I hate God, I have to. Speaking against God can do me no worse because I already committed the unpardonable sin. But you know, I don't understand people who decide to dwell in satanic hatred while they can still at least try to help people and enjoy simple and gentle things. I don't think the best thing for my fellow man is to drag him into the depths of hell along with me. I'd like to still think I've had a uniquely human experience and I can understand it and at least have empathy where I cannot have compassion because my soul is gone. When I do something to turn you against God, to make you mistrust him, it feels like I am just putting you in more danger and believe me, you're already in enough danger just by being alive. This world is ruled over by demonic principalities and your mind is nothing but a consequence of this unrelenting rebellion. Your education and your interests and your philosophies only build on this foundation of neuroticism. It was much easier for the poor man with no music to call his favorite, beat down by a despotic regime, to ultimately be saved because he was spared the kind of deep sense of self we all have been consumed by in this current time. The reason the Bible says slaves, submit to your masters and says to obey the froward kings is because you would much rather have any number of external leaders than submit to your own will and become your own master because once you have done that you become a true luciferian. Those cruel masters can only prepare you for the ultimately submission you must make, to God, a total surrender of the idea that you belong to yourself. When you are someone who has always lived a "life of the mind" it becomes hard to know where your mind ends and your soul begins. You grow attached to your own ideas, logical understanding, cold symmetric patterns over something as deeply felt and desired as love. When I think about it all the danger I was in was before my ultimate and permanent fall from grace. There were many ideas I had tremendous trouble letting go of, though the spirit stuck by me, the injustice of hellfire, antinatalism (afterall everyone was now in this incredible danger of going to hell), music and art, and most nefarious of all this ultimate sense of self. I would waver on the brink of finally making this surrender which I wanPost too long. Click here to view the full text.


don't forget to take your anti-psychotics, unless you love being delussional.


Threads like this are a reminder that modern societies must really try to weed out religion. I'm not sure if banning it is the andwer, but wow does religion brainwash people for the worse. It really is a form if child abuse. I used to be VERY religious (evangelical Christian)and to this day I can't believe I fell for such superstition. It really is the "opiate" of the masses, the cope for the oppressed. All the highly advanced and rich countries are atheist/irreligious (Japan, South Korea, Singapore, Scandinavia).


Apologies for the typos in my post. I just got fairly angry while I was typing and sent before proofreading. I'm sorry but it's 2020. We have science now. This shit must end. I've WAITED TOO LONG for my life to get better and an invisible JESUS to help me. Fuck off.


yeah, i wish there were militant atheists fucking up religious tards like in the USSR.

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Does anyone feels like you're a massive retard while everyone else issome kind of genius super human? I always felt like the slowest guy around,while everyone else seems to master anything they want extremely fast for me it takes some herculean effort just to keep it at the beginner state,I'm trying to learn Java programming using some online course and while for me it takes a lot of effort to make a shitty program that uses very basic classes and objects others brag about doing very complex and polished software in what seems to be 4 key presses that take half an hour,same with learning japanese,I've been learning this shit for 4 months and I can barely read anything while for others it takes 2 weeks and some anki flashcards to read entire books.

I know this isn't actually true but it seems so easy for others while for me everything is extremely difficult,this is just hell,forget about christian hell and flames,this is far worse than any religious punishment,being a retard while everyone around you is a demi-god.
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>You're probably the NPC, you just haven't realized.
Fuck off Dennett. I consider my thoughts and experiences to be direct observations.


Maybe i'm not in the mood, but this text looks like a pile of word farts.


No, it's definitely just that.


In NY they had to use freezer trucks to pile up those successful superhumans.


>Whenever I read posts like OP, it's always obvious the person is more crippled by their insecurities and other mental issues than being bottle-necked by their intelligence

maybe, but I don't think this is quite right. here's the harsh reality: IQ is real, it reflects a biological variable which differs between individuals and groups, and it predicts your success in life insofar as you're attempting things that require complex mental ability.

look, you can call it IQ, you can call it g, you can vaguely handwave about "intelligence", but we all know humans differ in it profoundly, and much like another trait which strongly affects our outcomes in life, namely physical attractiveness, it's mostly out of your control, being overwhelmingly determined by genetics.

just because someone has self awareness, or can write well, doesn't mean their brain is capable of success in technical fields like math, programming, medicine, whatever high paying, high skill job you can name. so there's really nothing mysterious that needs to be uncovered here: yeah, sometimes people are underachieving, smart but lazy types, and wizchan is going to disproportionately attract such "tragic" people, but more often than not when a person is doing twice as much but getting half the results as someone else, it comes down to talent, which reduces to genes and biology. can't be helped.

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 No.218261[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

No hope, no prospects edition

previous >>214237
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store manager and district manager getting really mad lately that I keep forgetting to put my initials on a checklist. it's a cleaning & disinfecting checklist to make the store safe and sanitized against covid.
If I clean and disinfect but forget to put my initials on the checklist, that's bad.
If I don't do any of it but put my initials on the checklist, that's good.
Lately I never do any of the tasks because we don't have anything to disinfect with anymore because we don't receive anything. But I try to remember to initial T H E C H E C K L I S T anyway because if I don't then apparently somethingsomething LEGAL DOCUMENT somethingsomething ACCOUNTABILITY blah. Basically they don't actually care about the health and safety of anybody. If someone gets sick and they initialed the checklist then they have their scapegoat, because they can say I was responsible and didn't do well. If I don't initial it, then they can't blame me. And my purpose is to be trampled on by everyone for the company's reputation.

But despite their nagging and saying "YOU GOTTA INITIAL THE PAPER INITIAL THE FUCKING PAPER SO WE CAN CONTINUE TO PLAY GAMES OF PRETEND WITH THE PUBLIC", I face no real consequences. I think I'll just respond by asking if I'll be fired over it. I don't think they will do that because they need a slave. But if they do, then I'll be free. I know this sounds like the most trivial thing but in my life this is 6 years of wage slavery and frustration coming to a head. If I ignore initialing this piece of paper and just accept whatever shitty fate awaits me, this will be the first time I've ever stood my ground in my entire existence.
This is a bullshit piece of paper and to you it's pointless. I get that. I understand that. For me, after cleaning up human shit on the store floor multiple times, after putting in a two weeks notice but then being too scared to actually quit, after being harassed and taunted by high school kids every single day for years, after dozens of other examples of shit I've rolled over and allowed to happen: For me, this is exercising my agency as a human being with a will of my own for the first time. I've never been a human before. This stupid checklist is the vehicle through which I assert to the universe that I exist.

I'll just be completely honest. "Well, I don't really care much anymore. Yeah I'm not really into working here or life at all honestly. Yeah I won't fill out the checklist. Yeeeeah IPost too long. Click here to view the full text.


Corona is still present and will likely remain around for a while with us, it's just the elites have determined that a small percentage of people dying is an acceptable trade-off in order to restart the economy.


It's here and it's not going anywhere. Lots of people in the building I live already lost their jobs and they were not doing that great to begin with, that's what they get for being poor and having kids. It's not just the elites, blue collars desperately want to go back to work, too.


Boss told us today they are planning to start going back to the office in a couple of weeks.
I was planning on quitting when I had to go back but my boss said he'll have to talk to us about the FUTURE of the company. I'm pumped up if there's any layoffs I should be the first in line to go.


Can employers legally ask for my health records? I have legitimate health problems that make lifting and other tasks in wageslave jobs difficult and I'm wondering if my employer can legally ask for my health records to prove I'm not faking it to get out of doing things. For example, arthritis in my fingers is one of them. I told my employer about this and yet they still had me lifting heavy ice buckets, and other stuff while doing my fast food job.

[Last 50 Posts]


If anyone else is LDARing, how do relatives react? Basically, I failed at everything I tried and my windows of opportunity are non-existent. I have significant learning disabilities, but they were usually trivialized because I could memorize enough to do well until University. Most of my relatives don't give a fuck about me, but I get a lot of resentment for "giving up" even though I am totally out of money to do anything at this point. I can't work a shitty job because I always end up messing up things up due to my slow processing speed and poor motor skills. everyone in my immediate family is shit in some way and the successful uncles/cousins/etc. just expect things to magically work out.


Even after 4 years of NEETing and declining mental condition they still bring up jobs as if I can just waltz into a government job even though I have been arrested for drug possession, have no qualification past high school and am essentially a functional retard. I already worked 5 jobs when I was 18 and left each one because people would start treating me more and more retarded and then start bullying. Fuck this shit. Fucking niggers shat me and my siblings out for extra welfare money and now they act like my failure is all mine.


Reading your post until the n-word i was thinking you are one.


You can say nigger here, nigger.


I know, nazikid.


Yeah, I've experienced this too. My mom literally suggested I go to the military even though I can't even tie my shoes and can't drive. There's a weird lack of understanding of how someone can't get a job since they're boomers who could just get a job by waltzing in and could half-ass it since there weren't as many people competing for jobs back then. Now it's like "you didn't clean fast enough bye." People really don't react well to some fidgety asocial slowpoke.

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Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
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Life is that way.


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i really want to die.


Can't cope with being held in this flesh prison against my will. If my mother thinks longlife emotional turnoil is just reduced to a remnant of teenagehood while ignoring my actual problems, it just makes me wonder why shouldn't i slit her throat at night


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Such a funny feeling - googling cremation services in your town.

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I've been using the internet for close to 2 decades now and for me there's never been a moment where I've actually enjoyed and felt comfortable online. I've never made any friends, never been apart of any communities, (unless you count this one, but it hardly amounts to much for me), and I've never had any good times using it whatsoever. Even from a non-social angle, the internet has never been anything special to me. I have to say that I honestly feel like I'm a complete universe apart from anyone who can actually recall times of enjoying the internet or those who can even just regularly speak their minds online without fear or hesitation. For me, I've never known or been capable of either of those things. It's a combination of being too incapable of handling hostility, being too reluctant to feel at home anywhere, and being too out of touch and tired to know what to say people. For the last couple years now it's gotten really frustrating not having anything I can enjoy or find solace in online. No welcoming chatrooms, no internet buddies, and no stomach or desire for just shitposting at random either.

I feel paralyzed by my own autistic fragility and sense of cluelessness about how to engage with other people, which has only deepened and grown worse with time. I feel desperate for something to call my own, but I lack the sort of innate compass, internal strength or energy to just even put myself out there and engage with others. I also just have no idea of where to go. I sit here each day and I don't have the slightest fucking idea of where to go. I'm so damn out of it that I haven't the faintest idea of where I could even go just try to get to know and befriend other people. Even if I knew, I'd feel overwhelmed being in a chatroom or even just accepting another person's friend request. Let's say I do. Then what would we do? Talk? Talk about what and for how often? Would we share life stories, or just blab about surface level stuff? Would we do other things together, or would we just message each other until the person bailed out of disinterest? All of these things, I just don't know what to do. It's all like trying to learn a foreign language to me, yet my body screams at me each day for some kind of meaningful human engagement. I feel like I could maybe get by if I could just feel comfortable, free and irreverent to the bullshit of others while online and just say whatever I want whenever I want, but I can't even do that. Mostly because I lacPost too long. Click here to view the full text.
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>Technology/internet became more mainstream so it was no longer uncool to be a nerd.
Sorta but in essence it's similar enough to my viewpoint.

You missed out on what happened to the existing nerds though; I think all the points of collection like anime clubs, LGS, online forums etc became interconnected enough for them to act as support groups (that normalfags deny to have). This is even before the mainstreaming of geek/nerd culture.


Yeah, I guess they did function that way. I was never a late bloomer nerd who made friends, but it makes sense the ones that were more gregarious made them into a more social thing.


When I went to university all the top students were very social and mostly very athletic. We don't have 'college sports' in my country so this meant things they did on their own time.

Do you mean online? In that case yeah, I think so. The reality is it was always full of normalfags, but they were a bit more covert in the beginning or they were at the nerdy end of the normalfag spectrum because the internet wasn't very fashionable. I think the normalfag takeover probably took off with facebook supplanting myspace and the rise of cellphones with web browsers, and was completed by around 2012 when bodybuilding/tinder/redpill stuff had consumed the entire internet.


>When I went to university all the top students were very social and mostly very athletic.

A few reasons, one being that there's a particular set of "top" students who are privileged enough to have tutoring and have extra-curricular activities, including sports, to do outside school throughout their educational lives and sometimes they're rich enough to just "buy" the degree (like I've seen rich dumb chinese kids who could barely speak english and paid people to write their coursework and do their tests get 2.2s and 2.1s and sometimes even 1.1s)

I think you are bitterly disappointed that smart kids at uni didn't turn out to be the ones in your head. And that's mostly cause you're looking about it in the wrong way. They ARE the nerds in your head because they used whatever support groups available to them during secondary/high school, in or out of school, to get to the place they are at uni because they realised that uni is really about networking more so than just pure grades.

Those rainman-esque anti-social genius types that you're probably imagining the nerds to be in uni, exist but they are usually the smartest of the smartest to make up for their lack of social skills.

>The reality is it was always full of normalfags….

>….because the internet wasn't very fashionable.

>conceding every small bit of territory, every small part that was yours

I know eventually everything will be swallowed up and anons will start to claim that breathing is a normie thing to do but lol no, it wasn't unpopular because it wasn't "fashionable", it was unpopular AND unfashionable because it more than the usual amount of brainpower (of a normie) to use the internet and find things.


>I think you are bitterly disappointed that smart kids at uni didn't turn out to be the ones in your head
I was bitterly disappointed to explore the all-encompassing reality of being a totally inadequate and unable person in every conceivable way.
> they used whatever support groups available to them during secondary/high school, in or out of school, to get to the place they are at uni because they realised that uni is really about networking more so than just pure grades
Literally the only criteria for university entry was your rank in the school leaver exams, so 'networking' or 'extracurricular activities' are totally irrelevant, other than to demonstrate the general superiority of those people at everything they did.
>it more than the usual amount of brainpower (of a normie) to use the internet and find things.
It had nothing to do with brainpower, it just was something they didn't care for because they were busy doing other things at the time. Later, more things on the internet interested them, so they began to use it more.

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 No.219552[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

Just talk a bit about yourself. I would recommend talking about specifics and unique tastes or goals, so you may have a better chance of finding someone similar to you. Maybe some quick life story summary. It's up to you.

>The only rule is, please, take the time to read the other posts before replying. The goal is to have the most connections possible.
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yet here i am posting on wiz of all fucking places while i need to study. i am studying medicine and i have never had that real drive i see the other people in my studies have. being able to study for hours straight and getting big grades while i struggle to study just enough to pass. i only had to retake one thing this whole year but when i see the grades these people get it hurts


>i am studying medicine
same here, previous semesters I used to study a bit, but this semester we have all online classes and I'm really screwing up. I haven't studied one bit, I cheat on every single test, I just look everything up on google as I go through the tests/work, if I can't find the answer on google I don't even bother opening the book, I just guess. Worse thing is I have a learning disability, impaired memory, it takes me a hard time to actually remember stuff, but I'm squandering everything so that I can sit around and do nothing after getting all my work over with in 1 or 2 hours. It doesn't make sense but I'd rather do nothing than work on this crap, I just don't care, I'm at school so that my parents don't turn the internet off during the day, that's it.


a learning disability will catch up to you either way, so this approach makes sense. sucks your parents expect you to compete with actual smart people anyway. It was similar for me except they've given up but the problem is, the financial situation is untenable.


I mean tbh, employers could usually figure out I was an asocial wizard so just the fact that I am not a normal person nor a savant is the nail in the coffin. The people who are just covert schizoids rather than actually asocial I imagine are the ones who should be worried.


i'm the one you're responding to, and yea me too. i barely study and i just cheat all the exams. i'm a first year anyway and the current courses are useless for my future career so i don't really have a bad conscious over it. don't worry people i will be the wizard doc that CAN help you.

[Last 50 Posts]

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Post your most relatable depression reaction pictures. I have a folder of these and looking at them, recognizing myself in them makes me feel better. As if someone out there shares my thoughts and feelings, even though the pictures are mostly cartoons and animals. It's an illusion, but somehow it helps.
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