/dep/ - Depression

I HATE THIS WEBSITE.
I HATE CHANS.
I HATE THIS ANTI-INTELLECTUALISM THE WORLD HAS EMBRACED. But yet, I keep coming to this shithole because I have nowhere else to go. Imageboards make me angry. I can't stand you guys. I'm fed up. I'm tired of making thoughtful posts to get a reply such as "lol nice". Fucking imbeciles. I tell you.
Plus, at the end of the day, none of this matters anyway. ALL arguments are basically "I'm right and you're wrong." So I can only assume that arguments/discussions, most of the time, are also pointless and a waste of time. It's just people trying to boost their sense of importance at all cost. Knowledge is power, not because it will help you succeed in life, but because knowledge is just another way to feel superior to your fellow human beings. It's another survival mechanism. You see, animals aren't rational creatures, but their instincts are far more acute than ours. Our intellect then was given to us due to our fragile natural instincts. It's just a way to increase the Will to Power. Knowledge doesn't seek truth. It seeks power. So what I'm looking for is a place where I can talk to like-minded people and feel a sense of belonging but it's such a difficult task. I can't relate to anyone. I can't stand human beings and their manners. I can't stand small/trivial talk. I can't look at life any other away. I'm a pessimist. I can only have fun when I'm on drugs. I'm not blaming you guys, everyone is different. I encourage you all to read Nietzsche to understand what I'm talking about. I feel lonely, extremely lonely but it's MY loneliness. It belongs to me and I no longer want to mitigate loneliness by pointlessly debating with people on the internet, who most of the time, can't relate to you. Can't take you seriously and love insulting others (I must confess; I'm sensitive to insults. I don't like being insulted, but God I love insulting others, especially with specific words that mean something to me. It probably has something to do with all the bullying I went through in school). Freud probably knows more about this than me.

From now on, I'll write for myself and myself only (Kinda ironic because I could've been doing this right now). I hate debating with people who try to outsmart you without the necessary knowledge. I, however, have no problem with listening to people more experienced than me. I don't talk to people, the few exceptions are old people. I'll be old someday so I want to hear some advice fromPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>207746
You have an over inflated sense of ego and cannot see the problems in yourself and choose to only see the fault in others. Your whole spiel reads like a very basic, common midlife crisis from someone who just discovered nihilism. The pic you attached almost makes this seem like borderline trolling. You are exactly the type of person you hate. You claim to have some sense of knowledge, a higher understanding of the world, urging others to read works you have decided to embody. But I guarantee your knowledge does not even scratch the surface of the field you are trying to display mastery over, you lack experience both in academics and life. Drop your ego and try to embrace the world with an infants mind

>>207747
If you had actually read what I wrote, you'd notice that I admitted that knowledge is nothing but will to power. You know what your post sounds to me? "I'm right and you're wrong". Human relations are like that. That's why I like that quote from Schopenhauer.

I dropped out of grad school, so now I finally lost my pseudo-neet life. I had hoped that my parents could do something genuinely useful for me in my life (other than being a glorified atm) and just get me a menial job. Nope, they're gonna dump that on me. They're just gonna "point me in the right direction" or whatever.
My plan now is to hopefully get through the hell of applying to wageslave positions and hopefully get one. I don't even care about the money, I just need something stable and easy to do as an excuse. Then I can finally move out of the house, it makes me feel so shitty being here. Get a cheap apartment and work for a while. If/when I get fed up working, I can just go neet. They can't stop me if I'm moved out. I have a trust fund that apparently has 200K or so, I can use that and whatever money I save up to live until they die and I inherit the rest. Or I can go on autismbux or something.

>>207751
why don't you have access to the trust fund?

There is a certain emotional and cognitive distance that I notice towards other people. They react to situations and events instinctual and without delay while I most times don't know how to feel and what to do when things happen.

If I was a mere spectator of the universe around I'd be happy. But I'm involved in it and suffer just like the all other living beings and thus this distance from other life forms makes the suffering even worse. Normal people seem to have found their way of dealing with pain through categories like job, family etc. which you listed but we have to invent our own categories but this is much harder, takes more time and is barely appreciated and often disregarded by other people who in effect act against us making it even more difficult to have a endurable existence.

>>207560
I would assume he'd use this thread as an example

No, I just feel like I was accidentally made more sane than everyone else on the planet and this fucks me over massively because you need to be insane to operate in a world full of insane people.

>>207572
>There is a certain emotional and cognitive distance that I notice towards other people. They react to situations and events instinctual and without delay while I most times don't know how to feel and what to do when things happen.

Having to fake these sort of reactions to things is why I pretty much just stopped interacting with people altogether. It's just so tiresome.

Same here. For example, deaths in the family don't make me feel anything and I react neutrally. It's pleasant to remove myself from interacting with people unless it is necessary. I find comfort in insulating myself from people and their problems.

>>207724
If life is an illusion, it's a pretty painful one.

>>207728
i feels very real but sometimes there are glitches in the matrix.

>>206294
The only coherent definition of death is the absence of life. So we know that life after death does exist since you were dead before you were born, and now you are alive.

>>207731
That's not a good defintion. It makes no sense saying you were dead before being born. You can only die after you're born. The time before you were born you weren't dead, you didn't exist, it's different. Something that doesn't exist doesn't die or do anything for that matter, it doesn't exist in the first place.

>>207732
If we cease to exist after we die, there is no reason to think that we can't come into life from nonexistence, since we have done so before.
If we do not cease to exist after we die, the nature of the death-existence must be explored further.

>>207735
If you want to OD properly, get fentanyl instead.

>>207736
>Doesnt snorting it means it gets to the brain alot slower so its less effective than injecting?
Yes

>>207737
Too hard to get in the UK

>>207738
Always hear about people ODing on fentanyl in the uk though. especially scotland

>>207739
Well I have no idea how they get it. I'm a social recluse with no connections.

>>207740
You should jist inject anon

>>207677
Because it's almost impossible to pull off nowadays. It worked in the 50s when companies did not expect their workforce to rebel, but now companies have all of their supervisors trained on how to identify unionizing and workers are told that they will be terminated if they unionize (they use different wording of course, like "your behavior does not align with the company's values"). Here's Amazon's union busting training video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQeGBHxIyHw

You'd have to garner massive support in absolute secrecy. Not an easy thing to do when there are cameras everywhere, supervisors watching you, and brown-noses ready to snitch at the first opportunity they get.

>>207704
For every person willing to throw the towel there's 5 willing to do his job and 10 snitching on him before he does it. It's fucked. Good thing you only live once. Imagine being stuck in this dystopian shithole for more than one lifetime.

>>207711
got roped into a dishwasher job at local restaurant wish me luck bros doing a trial today in 30 minutes

>>207722
Good luck bro, stay strong

I've been working on a 'zerohour' contract for some months now, where I have to fill in the hours I work and am free to put in however many I like. but for some time now I'm not paid what I should be, I get paid 5 days or so a month, I thought at first it was an error since I just started or there was a vacation period and it'd come back but I'm going into the 4th month now and I cant live on the salary of 5 workdays a month. I put in roughly 13~15 days a month.

the problem is I'm too much of a mess to speakup somewhere and complain about it, I just check into work and try not to be bothered by anyone. anyone had similar experience? should I just casually try to bring it up with my manager or try though an email? I'm not really in a position to switch jobs either as I currently need the flexible hours and lack experience

>>207569
>>207521
Cancer

most of them unironically killed themselves
rest of them probably scattered on discords or have completely quitted social part of the internet

>>207576

This. But I ask them, I know some lurk here still even if rarely.

>>207569
>ms paint strawman
Where do you think we are, faggot?

I've said this before: the internet has become one nasty, heartless empire waiting to fall.

I feel it already did if it's not going to improve in any way whatsoever anymore.

>>207362
>The only thing I don't have is a vivid fantasy world.
I relate to this anon. I have somewhat of a fantasy world but it is hardly vivid. I’m very unimaginative for the most part. I have brief periods where my mental landscape becomes incredibly detailed and involved, and I have this amazing imagery and sensations. But it is incredibly rare (maybe two-three times a year) and has never lasted longer than an hour or so. 99% of the time my mind is just an endless internal monologue droning on and on, analyzing everything without emotion or passion.

The one exception is my dreams. Almost every night i have many intensely vivid and detailed dreams. So engaging. I am listless and detached m in my waking life but in my dreams i feel alive and in the moment. There’s many recurring locations, sometimes i’ll visit a location in a dream years apart. The environments are so complexly designed, even down to the small details. It fascinates me that my subconscious mind could create such things and is so imaginative, but when i’m awake i seem entirely unable to tap into it.

I sleep a lot because i prefer my dreams to reality. I take drugs sometimes to sedate myself so i can sleep longer/dream more. I’m starting to feel pain in my body from sleeping so much, especially since i don’t have a bed and sleep on the floor.

>>207551
This greatly describes me, I frustrate people just by manner alone. I barely even try to make them frustrated, just my existence alone is enough to make someone go angry, I wonder if this is why my parents barely understood me

>>207551
I may not be exactly you but this is my exact situation and has been all my life. It seems as I get older it only gets worse too even though I haven't really changed much over the past 4 years.

I can't describe it other than the fact I am a hate magnet, when I was younger I would call myself the most hated man on earth. I didn't need to do anything, I just had to be within interacting distance of people and sometimes it caused hostility or exaggerated negative reactions from others, it didn't even matter if I opened my mouth yet and said anything at all. It doesn't matter whose side I am on or what I do in any state of mind. I wouldn't say I look ugly but I also look awkward if that makes any sense and the only way to make myself look acceptable to even myself is to keep my head shaved very short. I also hate my voice and honestly think there was some birth defect in the development of something concerning it but that alone probably can't explain something like this. It's as if on a genetic level I am highly offensive to many others. I try not to look at people either even if they're in my field of vision with absolutely no focus on them cause they will literally feel it and react negatively. Shit you not, I had a funny situation regarding that lately actually where people got pissed at me for literally just standing in line and doing nothing but looking forward (of course not hard staring forward like a robot but you know what I mean), no anxiety nothing at the time. It was twilight zone bizarre. Are we cursed or something? Cause that's the only other explanation I have for this phenomenon.

>>206787
This. I tried having friends but it never worked out for me.

>>206789
Everything on the edges of a bell curve is doomed.

>>207691
I'm pretty sure those kids just started yelling and calling me a faggot every day for no reason, I didn't even know them

>>207665
Raises a good point. It has always appeared to me that some people are pegged by the greater crowd to be bullied. Even those who do not directly bully the unfortunate victim will either ignore or commend the behavior under many guises, such as banter or as the aforementioned post pointed out, that it is somehow a benefit of the victim in the long term. Just spitballing thoughts here but really pushes home the random cruelty of it all.

>>207691
guess you never been bullied then it's true gang stalking

>>207691
Not really true. I was a silent loner in highschool and never tried to insert myself into social situations, and my experiences do agree with yours in that nobody went out of their way to fuck with "the quiet kid who never bothers anybody", but experiences can vary.

To begin it depends on whether you went to a school with "soft kids" (middle-class+/whites and asians) or "hard kids" (lower class, blacks, browns and etc.) For me it was the former but I can definetely see myself having gotten fucked with badly if I had gone to the latter.

On top of that, the truth is that I did get bullied, but I was too socially oblivous ro care. When it comes to "soft" kids they don't do things like beat you up or even verbally assault you, they aim for your reputation and talk behind your back. If you're a loner you're an easy, almost irresistable target since you have no "allies" or "clout". I was totally surprised when I first caught winds of what a bad reputation I had and how much people (even people I didn't even know existed, never seen before in my life) actually did care about and notice me.

Also, bullying in highschool is actually not as bad as it is once you're past highschool. People like to say kids are mean but I have always found that to be false; people become way more socially agressive when they get older. I never got fucked with in highschool as agressively and directly as I did once I was 19, 20 by other people that age and some years older. I'm still the schizoid-loner-who-doesn't-care-about-his-appearance that I was in HS and people now practically jump at the chance to insult me, laugh at me, or try to make me feel lesser-than, and be as egregious about it as possible.

>>207691
nonsense. if i were normalfaggot i ll be either bully or neither bully neither bullied.

Society is full of absurdities and irrationalities like this. There is no reason.

can't fap if you're dead.

>>207645
They have to tell themselves survival is inspiring to justify the misery of their existence.

The fact that you're complaining to people about your "problems" in a way that makes them give you advice makes me think that you're an attention whore.

I'll be honest and say the one of the only reasons I live is making it to the next loaf of bread and watching random shit on youtube. Everything else is done with my morning coffee and dealt with stress wise with kava. Every other desire you just beat down like whack a mole.