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File: 1771465753865.jpg (71.05 KB, 600x600, 1:1, dead.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

 No.305937[Reply]

Every time I think of death, the end of my self I can feel my brain fighting it, pretty much actively trying to shut down.
It's a weird sinking feeling, thinking of the unimaginable.
People have died around me and I felt nothing, but then again I'm not an overly emotive or emotional person.

I still can't cope with death as a concept. I don't want to cease experiencing. I'd genuinely prefer hell to oblivion.

I screwed myself, my health because of a lack of attachments and care for things in general and I'm at the age where recovery is getting harder even if I try.
Mitigation is a more realistic goal if I don't already have something terminal, hopefully. (29)

How do you guys cope? I see so many people here talking about suicide and I just can't fathom it.
I suffer from many chronic ailments, pain, tinnitus (really severe) and much else. I had many absolutely horrid experiences during childhood and youth.
I have no real connection to my broken family, no connection to pretty much anyone or anything. Never loved or felt loved by anyone, not even family.
I don't pursue hobbies I'm a man of inaction. I can't even force myself to do things I supposedly enjoy.
I have one friend I talk to online exclusively in text and meaningless time wasting activities, consuming media, manga/manhua mostly.

It's a pointless life. Wasted.

Based on all of this I should probably be suicidal, but I'm the opposite. I'd be content being a specter just observing things too. I just want to persist.
I don't want this to end, I don't want to end.
I'm terrified. Sure I'm sick, in pain, constantly depressed or anxious, generally a failure, but I don't want to be gone.
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.
7 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.305959

>>305956
Life can be shared. But all the knowledge one gets from death, its private and kept to yourself. Maybe there is an afterlife, but you cannot share the truth about death with anyone. It's a deeply personal reality that you must experience for yourself.

 No.305994

File: 1771719143695.jpg (34.41 KB, 283x487, 283:487, MillanAstrayportrait.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>305949
makes more sense than mainstream ideas of religion what if someone is born with a sick mind and loves violence and hurting others they don't fit in society and they don't fit in any peaceful afterlife maybw they fit those eternal war asian afterlives of budhism or paganism some veterans of ww2 and alike lost limbs and body parts and the bastards still wanted more while others just enduring modern life schools or work is unbearable torture but society thinks everyone is the same all family of human beings which makes it for the worst torture chambers in a human history

 No.306000

>>305994
I'm a Christian and I don't get why you connect my view with buddhism and paganism. St Aquinas describes the souls of evil people as wanting nothing more than meaningless torment even saying the tears they shed in Hell is because they can no longer torment good people.
This judgement by Christ is still involuntary and permanent and could be seen as punishment by some people.

 No.306014

Back when I was 14 or so, I had a following idea: consciousness halts at the moments of your death, but if you cannot remember your dream because you dont wake up, there is no dream then. So the last thing you feel is the feeling that stays with you. Forever.


Death row convicted people have it easier than anyone else, drugged into not feeling a thing and such.

 No.306023

I reduce it to numbers. I really shouldn't, quality of life should be the goal even if I die this week. I guess the thought is having thousands (or maybe 10's of thousands) of days left on the planet is plenty of time to see interesting things and challenge the mind.


File: 1771377672261.jpg (2.11 MB, 2227x3467, 2227:3467, 1764026042121.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

 No.305927[Reply]

>be me
>bored
>decide to go for a walk
>the group that used to harass me in high school sees me
>they start shouting embarrassing nicknames they gave me loudly, just like they did in HS
I thought I wouldn't need to deal with that anymore, but it seems like I was wrong. Has anyone here ever experienced something similar? I just want to have some peace.
23 posts and 6 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.306002

File: 1771784998370.jpg (158.55 KB, 850x717, 850:717, 1744252510278.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>305989
>>being stalked in middle school for years
>>made a trend (everybody had my face as their phone's lockscreen)
>>bullied and harassed
I'm sorry for what you had to go through, I think you had it even worse than me, being honest. The worst cases of harassment that I hear about are those that occurred in middle school.
>if youre ND
I am, and my autism used to be way worse. I never really had problems in understanding subtle social cues like irony, my problem has always been not knowing how to react to the environment, which obviously made me a weirdo.
>if youre shorter
Yeah, I'm a manlet too. But they never physically threatened me at least, I just went through lack of respect.
>If youre a NEET and have no friends
I'm not exactly a NEET because I help my mother on her job. I have one or two people who maybe I could call "friends" but I think they don't know about this (I hope so tbh) and I don't think they would be of any help on this matter.
>if youre positive that they won't get physical then please just get your cellphone
This is going to be my main plan for now.
>Best of luck anon
Thanks, bro.
>>305998
I can understand why you would think that way but no, they've been doing this specifically to annoy me since HS. I already talked to them before and used to try to tease them back in the first few times (never worked).

 No.306007

>>306002
this was both in middle/highschool, though youre significantly less likely to be hurt in HS than the former. i also relate to the problem of not knowing how to react to insults and peer pressure in general. it's like i have a mental blockage that completely prevents me from responding to verbal abuse. Im also a thirdie so i can see how getting a restraining order can be a problem here too. The law is basically a suggestion over here. but i get your point. you've been bullied and disrespected all your life and it's fucking time you be treated like a human being and not rely on others and keep your dignity. again best of luck anon.

 No.306009

If someone is bothering you, a smart thing you can do is calmly take out your phone and start recording what is happening. You do not have to say much or escalate the situation, just make it clear through your actions that their behavior is being documented. Often the moment people realize there is a record of their actions, they immediately tone it down or stop entirely because they know there could be consequences later. Recording can capture tone of voice, threats, or patterns of behavior that might otherwise be dismissed if it were only your word against theirs.

Beyond discouraging them in the moment, having video evidence can also protect you afterward. If you need to report the incident to authorities, a school, workplace, or building management, you will have something concrete to show rather than relying on memory alone. It gives you control in a situation where you might otherwise feel powerless, and it creates a record that can support your safety and credibility if the behavior continues or escalates.

 No.306010

Many victims end up feeling deeply discouraged from reporting crimes because they believe the effort will ultimately lead nowhere. The process can seem intimidating, exhausting, and emotionally draining, especially when they expect skepticism, long delays, or a lack of meaningful follow-up. Instead of imagining support and resolution, they picture paperwork, retelling painful experiences, and possibly being ignored, so remaining silent begins to feel easier than reopening the wound.

Over time, this perception grows into a powerful barrier that keeps incidents hidden. When people think reporting will not produce justice, protection, or accountability, they convince themselves there is no practical benefit in coming forward. As a result, fear, resignation, and a sense of futility replace the motivation to seek help, leaving many victims to cope alone rather than entering a system they believe cannot or will not change the outcome.

 No.306022

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>>306007
>how to react to insults
Actually, I don't even know how to react even in a normal conversation when I'm talking to someone I'm not close, kek. My social skills have only improved slightly because I've accumulated experience and observed how others react to everyday situations.
>best of luck anon
Thanks, brother.
>>306009
I don't think that just by seeing me recording they would take me seriously but I need to at least try. Fortunately, I still have the contact of some people who witnessed the harassment in HS, this can be of some help.
>>306010
What discourages me the most is having to learn to deal with something complex on my own. I'm not used to doing difficult things alone.


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 No.305955[Reply]

Its hard being bad at everything, even the things you do for yourself
Whatever I touch usually ends up ruined
Its very hard on me because I allready expect to fail at whatever I try nowadays
Maybe bad luck is real, but whatever I lay my hands on usually ends up more damaged then fixed
Id like to say electronics are a hobby, but i have destroyed more then I repaired
I have no talents no ability to put any Idea I have in my mind into reality
It doesnt matter if I prepare, if I practice
My fingers dont do what I want them to
Something unexpected happens
I couldnt even fix a carburator on my bike
And I couldnt get the replacement to work either
There are very few times I have tried something and got positive results
I have been fired from every job i have ever gotten quickly
I have been learning japanese for 3 years now and I have seen other people become fluid but despite the time I poured in I still suck
Its very hard to explain to other people, they will say "you have to try more or try something different"
But I am trying and failing
Its not that im just seeing the negatives, when I actually succeed at something it makes me very happy but its a rare feeling for me
I try things, even follow tutorials and it never turns out well for me
I have ruined many things I love by trying to fix an issue and breaking them irrepairably
I just want a bit of sucess in what I do
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

 No.305957

>>305955

>Do you know how frustrating it feels when you have been trying something for a long time, someone else starts and they eclipse you in short order?
It feels terrible

I know exactly how you feel and I want to tell you, I was in the same spot but I learned quickly. I realized, very early on, that I can only succeed if I fix things on my own terms. Something in my mind just refuses to cooperate if I adhere to a 'correct standard' set by others, I must have total control over the medium I'm working with and I must be the one to set the architectural rules. Because when you're that independent and you play by other people's game, you'll always lose for being outside of it.

 No.305985

I'm someone who learns very slowly as well. They say comparison is the thief of joy, but that's just ignoring the fact some people just take 100x longer to learn stuff and those of us like that are kind of concerned by it. I don't mind hard work, I can put in the hours, but I want some type of tangible results for it..

Let's say there's 3 different types learning a language, the goal is only broken conversational:

Type1: learns it in 6 months
Type2: learns it in 5 years
Type3: learns it in 50 years

I'm talking about a real effort too, not too sure how it goes learning languages but lets say 10 hours a week formal learning, and another 10 hours casual learning with tv shows and games etcc. How could you possible convince me to learn the language unless it was absolutely necessary for me if I know I'm a type3 person?

 No.306001

>>305955
Sounds like you may have "butter fingers" issue. You could practice some finger exercises to give your hands some neural boost.

On a side note. Today I learned some modern study say heavy exercises not only give you gains, but also make brains and nerves grow and make more connections.

 No.306013

I feel like I am cursed or something with how much misfortune I had in my life. Now slowly dying. I have also read about other people who mysteriously contract one misfortune after the other. maybe you are one of us

 No.306021

>>306013
what are you dying from?


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 No.304213[Reply]

I just look at all the years I've wasted stagnating. And I just want to be building towards, something… anything. i want my years to be building blocks not nothing. it doesnt have to be anything big. being a great wizchan poster is one possible goal among many.

I just want to devote years to something and get better at it, and improve at it. But that only happens in video games.

i hate the feeling of wasted years. time slipping away. i guess i just give up on something. i start a lot of projects. have a bipolar manic high. but then i see its going no where and just give up. i guess there is a rationality to it. but thats how i got the wasted years.

maybe its because im neet. a job, you're always investing your years into, trying to climb the ladder, even if you're not doing it successfully. at least you're progressing in money, thats 1 thing.

i just dont have the endurance to stick with something im not making progress in, and thats why i never make progress.
3 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.305802

To further add to what I just posted: I was told from a young age that I am not worthy of affection unless I produce exceptional things. That may be the root of my suffering.

 No.305810

>>305790
I've been trying to draw for a long time but I stop for a few months and start again and feel like I'm at the exact same place I was years ago. I also try to read books and force myself through them and I sometimes do but I'm too slow and have to read it over again a lot. I am too retarded to even finish a lot of video games. I think I just have a reall low IQ.

 No.305811

>>305810
Reading gets 100x easier after a prolonged digital detox. The drawback is you really have to go cold turkey on everything digital to unlock this perk. There is nothing wrong with your brain.

 No.305984

If you like miniatures and that type of stuff I'd recommend that. It's a little hard to get into depending on many things, however I found the easiest part so far, for a lazy and unmotivated person like me has been building terrain pieces. They are allowed and look good even if messy and made poorly. You can turn pringles can into castle towers, very cool stuff. also works well with cheap art supply store stuff, you don't need any crazy paint for terrain. later on if it pleases you, you can get nicer stuff.

 No.306019

>>305811
Source?
Experiences?


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 No.304887[Reply]

any wizards choose to take psychiatric meds?
and also what's the deal with assisted/medically induced suicide these days?

i hate crawling back to antidepressants but when my thoughts start getting too dark that i can't metabolize them on my own with meditation, and i can't concentrate on anything, i just need something to take the edge off, and if i'm not abusing substances, it's really hard to think of anything that will work better than prozac. but i hate that i need them. my old doctors would say something like, "well what if you needed glasses would you hate them and refuse to wear them? Or just get glasses and live your life?"

Seems switzerland actually lets non-citizens have assisted suicide? my mental health is not really severe enough probably… i don't have a terminal illness or anything… just a tootheache and dysthimia that makes me want to escape dealing with it head on… i had a fleeting relief by researching it and seeing it exists, but the thought has since passed (for now)
26 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.305359

>>305358
mom my problem isn't food my problem is that i'm so crippled by anxiety and hatred my stomach feels like a knot. mom i know it's hard for you to understand but once you slip out of society there isn't a way to get back in, just why the fuck would i care about what i eat? anything that i can swallow is fine i've nothing to live for and magic is spiritual not bodily

 No.305918

>>305358
THANK YOU!!!
because I have been *shunned into* eating vegan

 No.306016

I personally would like to see more talked about SSRI long term effects, how to come off them and something about just taking one dose has permanent changes, I really want to learn about that.

 No.306017

>>306016
You taper off slowly and it's extremely debilitating and painful. You're incapacitated for literally 2-3 months and have residual mood swings for a full year. This was me with 150mg venlafaxine after 5 years on them, and it was the same for my sister who went off it in order to have a child.

It's so painful that most people with full time jobs, a precarious financial position can't do it. It feels like you'll never be right again and you start doubting, but you do manage to make it through.

You can't ever go back on them though. Once you're off they stop working forever for some reason, at least it did for me.

 No.306018

>>304887





>>304890
>I have come to the realization that what I suffer from is not schizophrenia but psychotic depression and the only way to treat my symptoms is to treat the depression


I hear 80% of schizophrenics have auditory hallucinations. Wonder if you don't have some "scary dude voice shouting at you" to begin with.

Also, if you're a big dude and sleep on a sofa, then you're doing it wrong. Get a matress.


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 No.296810[Reply]

Does any of you get irritated with family gatherings or when guests come to visit you in your family's house?
I am 24 years old, little to not school education, no job, whenever I am with some relatives or in some family gathering I can sense how much they look down at me for being a massive loser, even if they almost never express it directly at all, since I was a child I would always be asked by them questions like "how are you doing in school?" or "are you getting any good grades" Of course they no longer ask me such question, But I still feel a lot of shame when I am around them, I try to avoid sitting with them like the plague
94 posts and 15 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.305508

>>305497
lmao :D this pic is too real

 No.305744

File: 1770577643382.jpg (83.78 KB, 628x828, 157:207, spiteful rodent.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I'm a NEET so I have to continue living with my parents. I'm a turbomanlet at 165cm and having to attend the social outings in the last few years have been painful. I spend ninety-nine percent of my life in my room, but the times I do go out I witness the world I was supposed to be a part of. If I had to do that every day, I would kill myself which I think is known because I'm not pressured too much into getting a job.
It never gets easier on my psyche knowing everything was stolen from me because of something as simple as growth hormone. I wish, I really do wish, that I could blame my failure on my own mistakes - it would indicate that I had enough control over my life at some point. Instead, my entire life is a show theatre.
I teeter between feeling nothing at all, and feeling complete revulsion and anger at my abhorrent unnatural state.

 No.305745

>>305744
I know exactly how you feel and I know what the cause is for me: inflammation. My whole body remained in an inflamed state from eating plant matter and carbs for years in the past, preventing me from growing, being healthy, being happy. I lost 7-8 years of my adolesence doing things I could've stopped. I could've eaten better. I could've said no. I was 166cm aswell for several years but I'm 169cm now after making some improvements, but I feel that it's all too late. I'm 23 years old.

The past was an act of robbery against me, I know everything that I lost, all my dreams, my time, the happiness, the opportunities, they are all gone permanently. There is nothing that can be done to compensate for them, nothing that can be done to replace them. I suffered emotional distress and pain from abusers, on top of poor habits built from the kind of environment I was forced to exist in, just to lose the most crucial opportunities forever. I'm angry, I'm angry at my family for giving me garbage to eat and abusing my metabolism, I'm angry at myself for being so weak, I'm angry for being poor. I'm angry.

 No.305746

chillax dudes yer never gonna compete with the 181cm chad no matter how hard you try if you're not 182cm which i for one sure as hell am not. it doesn't destroy your *whole* life, only a part of it. you still can earn money enough for spell ingredients

 No.306011

>>298779
Uh yes? Autism means you are pathologically socially retarded and that destines you to be a loser unless some insane level luck happens to you.


File: 1754922301873.png (2.53 MB, 1600x1068, 400:267, alcohol.png) ImgOps iqdb

 No.302164[Reply]

Does anyone here struggle with alcohol, or have managed to quit?

It used to be a good coping mechanism for me, but it seems the older I've gotten the worse it feels, and it's become detrimental to my health and the way I behave around people. Easily annoyed, constantly starting shit, tired all the time, strange pains. And I was still getting worse, fast.

This has been a wake-up call and I'm realizing I need to quit before it's too late. Though that's easy for me to say now when I'm still feeling bad, and I fear the cravings will come back strong, but I know I've got to try.

Curious to hear others experience with this.
37 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.304933

>>303691



ok, just in case


try to eat 1 source of carbs only per month or, at least, week:

switch between:
rice/pasta+bread+buns/buckwheat "kasha"

to rule out undiagnosed GLUTEN stuff

 No.304961

literally bro…
who needs buy alcohol?

 No.305313

It's pretty easy to not drink if you're not around it.

Keep yourself busy, stop buying it and avoid situations where you might be tempted.

 No.305354

>>305313
My city basically has a liquor store on every street almost lol. In a 1km radius google maps shows 18 stores. This is also excluding the super/minimarts

 No.306008

>>302164
I`m drinking whisky almost daily. Worst part is I don't really feel like I'm doing anything wrong - "functional alcoholic" would be best description of me. I`m almost completely alone (with exception to my parents), so being drunk, mostly at night, its not noticeable for anyone. I can stop - I have no issue with no drinking when travelling (and I try to travel a lot, of course alone), but does it matter? Is it worth it? Its not like I will have or create functional family. Dying at 50 or 70 - would this even make difference for people like me? Additionally, despite being alcoholic, I try to maintain my body healthy enough - I can walk 20-30k steps every day with no much issue. Maybe its not big accomplishment, but I think its at least close to average for people at my age.


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 No.303736[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

You will still be stuck browsing this thread in 2026 edition

previous>>296811
118 posts and 22 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.305997

>>305996
>>305995
There's local small goods trucking you can do around a city. That just requires a smaller licence, but it pays basically a little better than retail work.

It's very low stress and because you're always moving goods in and out, it's not as unhealthy as long haul.

 No.305999

>>305971
>>305948
I'm agnostic. Just when you are raised Christian the fear of hell takes a deep root and it's there forever. The god of the old testament and the actions of the Jews in it is abhorrent.

Christianity believe that the devil is in charge of earth. Horrors like the zionist Epstein is all part and parcel to the devil owning the earth. God gave humans self-agency and free will. But humans are inherently evil, so our world is evil.

Again I'm agonistic and have no will for a religious debate. I was simply mentioning I personally fear hell, despite not even knowing if it exists.

 No.306004

File: 1771798840527.jpg (1.32 MB, 2390x3528, 1195:1764, k1kk4c6hvc651.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>society blames individuals for their poverty in a world plagued by hunger, thirst, natural disasters, and disease.
>Pic related this is what the average city in that "society" looks like.

 No.306005

>>305593
Lie.

 No.306006

>>305593
The same way the military doesn't understand philosophical ethical objections to war, but will check the box if you belong to a pacifist Church.

normies don't get the ethics of volceldom.

but if you just tell them my church is celibate they will nod

religion is a shorthand for philosophy and ethics for the masses.


[Last 50 Posts]

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 No.305809[Reply]

"Hey wizanon… did you go through a similar thing?"

I will never forgive this world, my ancestors, my genes, my family, those people. I will especially, never forgive myself. My adolesence was robbed from me. I could've eaten better, I could've been stronger, I could've said no to all the evil people who abused me, humiliated me, bullied me, took advantage of me. I can pretend to be happy in moments of fantasy, but my baseline is always depression because I have been robbed so completely.

What did I do to deserve this fate? Who was I in my past life to deserve being in such a position? If I had eaten better, I could've grown to my true height. If I had said no and held steadfast, I could've fought back against them. If I had shown some semblance of courage, I could've made happy memories in my youth.

I am 23 years old. You might say that is young. But I have lost the most important years of my growth and development. I have wasted them by suffering emotionally and physically with no fault of my own. I have wasted them by letting others rob me of what I had, my dignity, my reputation, my identity, my resources. I dropped out of school with so much hope, I was truly so happy, only to suffer far more than I ever have at the hands of forces beyond my control.

No matter what I do now, as much as I would love to believe otherwise, there is absolutely nothing I could do to compensate for what I have lost. Nothing I could do replace those days. Nothing I could do to get back what I lost forever. What's been robbed was meant to be robbed permanently. I can only mourn and ache for the rest of my life, aching for the things I was supposed to have but will never get back.
4 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.305951

Im not sad about anything, but im MAD… MAD AS FUCK

 No.305960

>>305951
How come? Don't leave me hanging lol

 No.305986

My parents mostly, and I guess extended family and society as a whole have set me up to fail. They have at least nerfed the shit out of me with horrifying experiences and malnutrition, and no real help with any skills. Suddenly I'm 29 and they are still mad I haven't made myself successful, in reality they want to leech of my money if I was a doctor or something. I just live my life how I want as much as possible now, I will embrace myself and hope it makes people mad. The normies were right, I'LL BE MYSELF!

 No.305992

Chill lil wizza

 No.305993

Nevermind, start again
The past isn’t happening right now
You’re letting that shit linger in the present
If you got hit in the head and forgot all about the past would you be happy? Or at least okay?


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 No.305961[Reply]

I need no recognition, I want meaning, but education itseld doesn't give any. Being counscious of the simulation, how it works and why it exists gives a very weird feeling.

There are people who blames the rich, this and that, but the truth is that knowledge doesn't give any meaning and the slogan found in ultimate mortal kombat 3 does not make sense. In fact, knowledge of an anthill in your garden doesn't give you any power (that matters, anyway).

I'd like to go back in time, pick myself up violently against the wall, seeing eye to eye and say "IT IS ALL AN ILLUSION, A THEATER, AND YOU WILL BE TASKED TO MAINTAIN THIS ILLUSION AND YOU WILL HATE IT ALL".

If only a time machine wasn't one…

 No.305966

You should teach. I know teens aren't the best audience. But imagine getting paid a salary that it would take 800 million youtube vids a month to get, just for aspie monologues on Warcraft lore to a captive audience that has to be there.

 No.305967

>>305966
Teaching is the most soulless job out there. If it ain't agriculture gunmaking, it's worthless

 No.305968

>>305967
What is agriculture gunmaking? growing guns out of the soil? You should teach a course on it.

 No.305976

>>305968
Silly wiz, it should be "agriculture, gunmaking"

 No.305977

>>305968
>growing guns out of the soil?
Gunpowder can be made with nitrates washed from the soil, and carbon burnt from its foliage.


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