/dep/ - Depression

I know the truth.
We didn't have a normal childhood, and if we did at some point during childhood, puberty, or adolescence, we screwed up and were rejected or abandoned or some fucked up thing.
>Ptsd
A few days ago, I read that people with PTSD have a characteristic lack of light and permanent dilated pupils in their eyes, as if they were almost dead. I looked at photos from my childhood, and at a certain age, I already looked terrible just by looking my eyes and face, from genuine happyness to pure sadness.
>Do you want to vent and tell me a story about some traumatic shit?
I have vague memories of tunnel vision dissociation after being rejected and abandoned as a child and another one as teenager. I wouldn't wish that experience to anyone.

>Avpd
I wonder if this shit is just a process of dehumanization every damn day. I feel out of step or out of alignment with the normies' charade of pretending that everything is fine. I can barely fake it with family members and some close acquaintances (who are not my friends but are friends of my family) and with childrens, I don't want them to end up like me either.
I'm going to say something that makes me cringe, but this year I felt a very stupid happiness because someone who is not part of my family expressed interest or curiosity about me. I don't know if them did it out of morbid curiosity or genuine interest in some form of human kindness, but it made me feel temporarily happy and not so alone and isolated. And no, it wasn't the typical “Are you okay?” that leads to the automatic fake response of ‘'Yes'’ or “Yes, but I'm just now busy and a little tired.”
If only I could make friends or find something similar to human companionship, like with my pets, I wouldn't feel so alone.
I miss playing video games like TF2, WoW, CS, other MMOs, ending up in long hours games and parties laughing with randoms, Even there, I connected with those who were disconnected and found support and friendship. Thank you for that.

Vent your shit here that is not deserving of its own thread edition
previous thread >>301013

I lost a lot of money trading, worst part is:
I made it all back twice, and twice lost everything.
While I was winning I thought to myself, great finally there is something I'm good at, something that could uplift me from the deep hole I got stuck in for so many years, and then I got wiped, I might try again in few mounts, but it got me thinking, why even try?
Not even about trading or making money, no matter what I've tried over the years nothing ever sticks with me or works for me.
There was nothing in my life that I was ever good at, finally I thought to myself, this is it, it worked so good for me, maybe I'm not such a failure, maybe it is my calling, and what do you know? I fucked up like I did everything I've ever touched.

I'm lost, I feel empty inside, but there is no pain, some fainting panic, but that's it, I feel dark and empty inside.

I think the only thing that might make me feel better is something that I must get good at fast, something where I could easily measure and see progress, but I don't know what it could be.

P.S. I'll vent here for a while, yell into abyss, hope it works.

This thread is for the discussion of the greatest misfortune in existence that is disease.

Healthy people are NPCs. They don't really exist. With disease comes the awareness of your body that your private hell and your true existence begins and hear the scream of everything. Pain teach you what it means to really exist. Disease's manifesto: to live is to suffer like a ragdoll while fate prisons you in the eternal hours pregnant with pain to cure of you from the sin of life.

I would like to be with a being with whom I can share everyday moments, to have a being to worry about, in which I can capture the most beautiful part of my being, to whom I can show my vulnerable parts, express my deepest emotions, and show them really who I am. But who am I really? Even in an anonymous forum, I would say he is a great guy, who went through some things, but who despite everything never gave up, someone who always wants the best for others, and who has an optimistic vision even in the most difficult moments. hard And although in a certain way the above is not a lie, the reality is that there is an uncivilized being inside me, someone so disgusting and unpleasant that I don't even like to admit that we are the same person, and hypocritically, whether consciously or unconsciously. , I pretend it doesn't exist. But this is an undeniable reality, and although it is something that can be hidden, it is something that I would never share with anyone, much less voluntarily. I prefer to be a hermit secluded from all social contact rather than show this part of my being. I'm not going to lie to you, life alone is not the best thing in the world, and it has some associated problems, but it is not something completely bad either, and it helps to value things, self-esteem, one's own thoughts, and leave aside vain issues. like social norms, or what someone outside of us may or may not think of us.

Let's discuss strategies for getting rid of pessimistic thoughts. No negativity allowed in this thread.

I know this is a meme, but taking a shower can completely turn my mood around and make my worries go away, even if it's just for a couple of hours. Listening to uplifting and happy music is also very effective for me. Sometimes I have to force myself at first, but generally it changes my mood.

What are some things you wizs do to minimize depression?

Does anyone here struggle with alcohol, or have managed to quit?

It used to be a good coping mechanism for me, but it seems the older I've gotten the worse it feels, and it's become detrimental to my health and the way I behave around people. Easily annoyed, constantly starting shit, tired all the time, strange pains. And I was still getting worse, fast.

This has been a wake-up call and I'm realizing I need to quit before it's too late. Though that's easy for me to say now when I'm still feeling bad, and I fear the cravings will come back strong, but I know I've got to try.

Curious to hear others experience with this.

I fucking loathe being autistic, I fucking hate how I can have articulate thoughts in my head yet can only muster and spew out the same few fucking phrases irl because I’m caught off guard and don’t know what to say

I hate how pathetic I am, I’m so fucking clumsy, my hand coordination is awful. Im always dropping shit which only makes me look like more of a retard

Most of all I hate the way other people look at me, there two “looks” I get from people. The first is the pitiful one. They see how pathetic I am, how socially inept, awkward and harmless I am and take pity on me like they would with a dementia patient. The other “look” is the hateful/judgmental one. They assume due to my awkwardness, my uncanny demeanour, ugly face and lack of height that I’m some kind of freak/someone to be suspicious of. They look at me like I’m some kind of sex pest/serial killer when all I’m doing is just existing

I put in the effort, I workout every day, I eat well, I keep good hygiene, I try, lord knows I fucking try, but I have to ask what’s the point? It won’t change anything. I can’t cure this awful plague of the mind I was born with, I’ll never be accepted or even tolerated by normies so why make an effort? Why try in life and work hard when I don’t even get the slightest bit of respect from the people around me? Part of me wants to just stay in my room stuffing my face with junk food and playing vidya all day but if I did that I’d only be more miserable.

Any other wizards have this condition? If so how do you cope with it?

The top 5 regrets of the dying according to an Australian palliative care nurse Bonnie Ware are:

-I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
-I wish I hadn't worked so much.
-I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
-I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
-I wish that I had let myself be happier.

>Last semester of uni
>Stuck on final assignments with no motivation
>Each day the deadline gets closer

I'm so close yet I can't get my act together