My mom is constantly complaining under her breath about the mess of the house, yet most of it is made either by dogs she unilaterally decided to bring here, or her live-in boyfriend who she unilaterally decided to move in. Sometimes it comes to the point of shouting and it is very difficult to empathize as I know I would not have made these choices, and if I regretted their outcomes so much, would have gone back on them.
Half of her rage is justified as this guy is a slob, and he constantly blames me and my brother for things he actually does, like make a mess of the kitchen and leaving toilets full of shit. To avoid her meltdowns I sometimes flush a toilet he leaves behind or wipe up a mess he left.
It angers me greatly that he then goes and blames me for behavior I never do, for his own behaviors that I cover for. If not for having to actually use the toilet/kitchen occasionally I would more often leave his mess for her to find, which I have been trying to make an effort to do.
At the same time, she is quick to yell about noise, which gets yelling in return, and this is upsetting for me so I generally try to find a way to leave the room, preferably the house by taking the dogs out back.
I get angry at her for doing this, not because of getting angry (because it is understandable) but because she refuses to harness her anger to actually make a choice to solve the problem: ending the abusive relationship. She won't get counseling, won't find a support group, and inevitably will lash out at anyone who even agrees with her momentary criticisms of him, accusing them (including myself, her mother, her siblings) of not wanting her to be happy, being a racist, etc.
I'm increasingly becoming resolved to simply give up on this family, more and more it is just economic feasability which keeps me here as I've never had a high-enough paying job to rent a bachelor apartment in the area. Even renting a room (non-private bathroom) or taking a room-mate would be very expensive, and those introduce unknowns I would need to navigate which are frightening.
I feel trapped so I continue to bear this abuse. But it makes it hard to sleep, hard to read, I'm afraid to begin my schooling because I know how hard it makes to study. But unless I can get a psych to acknowledge my anxiety and depression for big bux it doesn't seem likely I'll find a path out of this without getting a high enough education to start at a high-wage jobPost too long. Click here to view the full text.