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 No.306157[Reply]

Post here if you don't have enough to say for a new thread, but it's too depressing for the crawl thread.
ice cold edition
2 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.306160

They always talk about how important body language is. I'm 33. The last two days were the first days in my life where I actually tried to pay attention to this. And it's fucking scary. I feel as if I have found a new dimension of communication and I can't control it at all. It's funny how I get like 2 seconds of relaxation with the other person and then their face immediately goes to disgust or 'something is wrong with this man, better be careful, he's probably a dangerous person, I don't like him'. I never noticed that because I never dared to look because what I now found was what I expected and now I have evidence for my expectations. Time to back to ignoring again, this is way too stressful.

 No.306162

>>306160
It's too tiring for me to care about social masking too. I tried the just put yourself out there meme in college and got nothing out of it besides new cringe memories. I have decided that my approach to socialization is going to be numbing myself and accepting what happens next.

 No.306165

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Neighbor from the below died. No more crepes and pierogi from here anymore. The former had better dough than my mother's dough. Female cat who relocated to my apartment was buried at her land, she used to visit her too as the doors were often open.

She died on the same spot where I had immense pain in my balls twice in different years due to blood pressure and something like fibromyalgia when I'd been walking for a short time for health reasons. It was near a bank. She didn't get her pension, was on her way.

The neighbor from above has nerve condition and chronic pain so the TV is on loud sometimes. This dead neighbor from the lower floor had TV loud due to age. Wonder who had it these past years on now that she died. After all it's unlikely that she would do that in the night while the female neighbor from above did that when she couldn't sleep due to pain in the night according to her words to her neighbor above who figured she had audio hallucinations.

Late nephew of my father died. His cat Martyn freezed to death when nephew's mother had thrown him away for pissing on the floor. There's stray animals here outside who don't freeze to death so maybe he had some health conditions additionally or was wet. Gruesome death.

 No.306166

I want to kill myself. I dont know how to deal anymore with my life. I managed to get better for a little bit, but everything is back to the same shit it is always being. I cant anymore. I dont know what I get from this place. I am dying. Sorry for posting but I honestly cant anymore. I need to die

 No.306167

>>306166
I'm in constant suffering too, I hope you feel better knowing you're not alone in the torment


 No.305879[Reply]

I wake up every day in disgust, fear and anguish of my existence. I have left no pride nor confidence in my confused brain. Every day I wake up and I loathe the person that I am and my world instantly.
I wish to go back to sleep. Sleep. I just wanna sleep and not take place.
3 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.305896

>>305891
idk about that. think about how we live in an industrial world. we're like cats locked in a flat. you know actually unless you sterilize your cat it'll go insane locked in the house. same with dogs for that matter. i think that's what's happening to people. you can't live like this unless you're castrated, but castration isn't an option is it. so yeah for us at least it's just suffering out there

 No.305900

I disagree only if dreamless sleep dreams are another form of torture designed by the filthy creator

 No.305909

>>305896
>idk about that. think about how we live in an industrial world. we're like cats locked in a flat. you know actually unless you sterilize your cat it'll go insane locked in the house. same with dogs for that matter. i think that's what's happening to people. you can't live like this unless you're castrated, but castration isn't an option is it. so yeah for us at least it's just suffering out there

I knew it.

>you can't live like this unless you're castrated, but castration isn't an option is it
It's not an option here because it's "untraditional".

 No.306154

i feel the same way. i hate who i have become. i am truly disgusting

 No.306161

>>306154
I think society is way more disgusting than any of us.

We owe nothing to the world.


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 No.302164[Reply]

Does anyone here struggle with alcohol, or have managed to quit?

It used to be a good coping mechanism for me, but it seems the older I've gotten the worse it feels, and it's become detrimental to my health and the way I behave around people. Easily annoyed, constantly starting shit, tired all the time, strange pains. And I was still getting worse, fast.

This has been a wake-up call and I'm realizing I need to quit before it's too late. Though that's easy for me to say now when I'm still feeling bad, and I fear the cravings will come back strong, but I know I've got to try.

Curious to hear others experience with this.
43 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.306034

For everyone asking "why drink bro? lol" you sound like normies anyway here's a simple answer:

It stops the self hate and voices in my head, it puts me in a state of relaxation

 No.306045

>>306034
actually if you didn't drink you'd simply die inside and not need substance to cope.

 No.306056

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>>306034
>and voices in my head, it puts me in a state of relaxation

Auditory hallucinations kind of voices or endless inner monologues kind of voices? It's not my field, just kinda learned a factoid recently: "auditory hallucinations happen in 4 out of 5 SCH havers".

As for shy people, welp, I remeber reading in some book how some shy people tend to drink "because it helps to be less shy" and BAM! Alcoholism due to tolerance (that's why resolving life issues makes a person a less of shut-in)

 No.306135

I'm pretty lucky I'm such a total lightweight. Liqour is prohibitly expensive due to taxes but I'm able to get properly drunk on beer, doesn't even take a lot. It's probably in large part due to weighing only 57KG (180 cm tall). I just skip meals by sleeping 14 hours a day.
Anyways, I strongly recommend homebrewing. Super cheap to get into and you're able to get ~15% abv drink and get wasted for a dollar or two (less than a dollar for me).

 No.306155

I like drinking but only when I know I'm not going to interact with other people. Sober me knows to be quiet and not say stupid shit I'll regret later. Drunk me does not. Sure feels good though.


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 No.303736[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

You will still be stuck browsing this thread in 2026 edition

previous>>296811
125 posts and 23 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.306066

>>306004
That picture of the little succubus praying to an arranged set of crosses made of soda boxes always gets me thinking. It's such an uncanny combination of cultural artifacts, having this child mentally calling for the image of a dead Iron Age religious leader while kneeling in front of canned high fructose corn syrup. The soul-sucking fluorescent lights in the background and the commentary of the mother, who no doubt brainwashed the child to this behavior, talking as if somehow praying to Jesus was the succubus's own idea, create a jarring image that makes my head spin. And of course, every single vertical surface is covered in ads.

Then I start thinking this is all happening due to the gravitational collapse of enormous clouds of dust, molecular hydrogen, and helium into stars. Balls of ionized gas ongoing nuclear fusion, burning light elements into heavier ones. And here we have a small terrestrial pile of galactic debri orbiting around a big pile of burning hydrogen, with this child calling for a man long dead. Not the greatest minds in the world could invent a tragicomedy of such monumental, bizarre proportions. What is all this fucking stuff? It doesn't matter how much you study chemistry, physics, mathematics, biology. It doesn't matter how much you think you know. When you look at the world seriously and completely focused, everything is so fucking strange.

 No.306105

>>305596
Self employment would be ideal but it's harder to effectuate in practice than it sounds in theory. You need to do quarterly taxes, submit a business plan, register trademarks (if applicable), figure out how to sell your stuff and how to do stuff like withold sales tax for people. Most of that stuff can be handled by paying people for a service but then you need to have income. Depending on what you do you may also have other regulatory requirements like insurance/bonds that also cost money and therefore require you to be making money effectively. The last and most unfortunate part is that no matter what you do, you cannot get money from people without interacting with those people somehow. Even if you just do an email customer service with internet shop you will still have to answer their questions and deal with all the bullshit that the broken people will try to pull on you.

 No.306106

>>305982
You probably can say no though unless the labor market in your country is really fucked up. Just make up some excuse that you already have plans.

 No.306107

>>305835
In most places, dust is all that's left in the rivers, but you can still harvest the dust. You spend all day panning stuff until you get black sand mixed with gold dust then you spend another day picking the tiny bits of gold out of the black sand manually. It's shit work but I think I have figured out how to get my living expenses to practically zero by living in my car on public land. I bought an EV with this in mind so that I can charge at free chargers and spend zero dollars on fuel. My only expenses will be phone/internet and food. I calculate I should need to find approximately three quarters of a gram of gold per week (3g a month) to sustain this lifestyle. Also, despite being shit work, it sounds to me to be infinitely preferable to slaving for normalfags.

 No.306153

Seeing inbred witness fucking normies thrive and be promoted to managerial positions at my age (or roughly) makes my skin crawl, and this is not mere plain butthurt. You read and listen to them everyday - they won't shut the fuck up nor stop bragging about it. I don't see how I'm not fit considering the fucking retards they are, but then again, without normalfaggot networking and ass licking in this world for one is hard to come up.


[Last 50 Posts]

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 No.296810[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

Does any of you get irritated with family gatherings or when guests come to visit you in your family's house?
I am 24 years old, little to not school education, no job, whenever I am with some relatives or in some family gathering I can sense how much they look down at me for being a massive loser, even if they almost never express it directly at all, since I was a child I would always be asked by them questions like "how are you doing in school?" or "are you getting any good grades" Of course they no longer ask me such question, But I still feel a lot of shame when I am around them, I try to avoid sitting with them like the plague
96 posts and 16 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.305745

>>305744
I know exactly how you feel and I know what the cause is for me: inflammation. My whole body remained in an inflamed state from eating plant matter and carbs for years in the past, preventing me from growing, being healthy, being happy. I lost 7-8 years of my adolesence doing things I could've stopped. I could've eaten better. I could've said no. I was 166cm aswell for several years but I'm 169cm now after making some improvements, but I feel that it's all too late. I'm 23 years old.

The past was an act of robbery against me, I know everything that I lost, all my dreams, my time, the happiness, the opportunities, they are all gone permanently. There is nothing that can be done to compensate for them, nothing that can be done to replace them. I suffered emotional distress and pain from abusers, on top of poor habits built from the kind of environment I was forced to exist in, just to lose the most crucial opportunities forever. I'm angry, I'm angry at my family for giving me garbage to eat and abusing my metabolism, I'm angry at myself for being so weak, I'm angry for being poor. I'm angry.

 No.305746

chillax dudes yer never gonna compete with the 181cm chad no matter how hard you try if you're not 182cm which i for one sure as hell am not. it doesn't destroy your *whole* life, only a part of it. you still can earn money enough for spell ingredients

 No.306011

>>298779
Uh yes? Autism means you are pathologically socially retarded and that destines you to be a loser unless some insane level luck happens to you.

 No.306124

>>305744
I hated NEET life so much, to the point I somewhat prefer being a full time wagie. After 18 my parents would nag me nonstop, wake me up in the middle of the night to remind me to look for jobs in the morning. I was already going too. Then they'd walk away muttering how useless I am. I was ready to end it all. I've estranged myself from my entire family now aside from my parents as I live with them, and we've come to terms now. Hopefully there are no future hiccups, but I'm sure there will be.

 No.306151

>>306124
>Then they'd walk away muttering how useless I am
Was in a similar situation. The twist was that this made me snap at them. Tried to get a long-term job but was rejected. Only manage to get a few temp jobs. Parents got irritated by this and blame me for not trying hard enough.
Eventually had enough of this and screamed at them. told them if they wanted me to have a job so badly then they should do more to help get one! they got angry and responded that they didn't owe it to help me.
Told them they then can shut the fuck up, if they didn't want to help me, that I wasn't interested in hearing what they had to say then . Openly told them to shove it up their asses so I didn't need to hear their retarded nagging.
Their only comeback was that I wouldn't get very far with an attitude like this. that this would only ensure that in the future when people see me do bad, no one will bother to nag/lecture me to do better. If this is how I respond when people complained about me. Told them I could figure thing out for myself and didn't need their dumb nagging and lecture. My dad just said fine see what good that will do you.
While I'm still unemployed, my parents have stopped nagging all together, which did a ton of good for me mentally.


[Last 50 Posts]

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 No.301262[Reply]

It's Saturday night and I started taking a new antidepressant called Mirtazapine (15mg) on Thursday night.

This is my 10th or so attempt at a psychiatric medication. I've tried lots of therapy too.

Wish me luck anonymages. I was about to quit my job but watched some motivational videos on autoplay on Youtube for hours and as cheesy as it was, they convinced me to give this a go.

I didn't even get these prescribed recently. It was way back last year and then I just didn't take them because this particular medicine has a reputation for making people really fatigued.

It does put me to sleep. But, maybe that's ok. If it means I can find some happening apart from fapping and dreaming while I sleep.

Maybe it'll even help me turnaround my fortunes at work where it looks like I'm sliding towards a firing or just being unable to come in. Barely stopped myself raging at my boss the other day and took 2 weeks sick leave from stress afterwards. I need to swallow some humble pie come Monday and hopefully these pills help. Being off work for 2 weeks showed me I'm just as miserable and actually more so depressed, anxious and stressed not working despite all the antiwork slogans I collect.
38 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.306146

I gave up mirtazapine nearly two weeks ago and i’ve only been able to mastubate twice. Does this mean i have pssd now? I think i will start to get vitamins when i get paid

 No.306148

>>304430
>I was on prozac for a while and I'm pretty confident it made my memory worse but most of all it killed my dick. I almost want to kill the doctors that prescribed it to me before I die
Tsk-tsk-tsk. Sounds too crabby for wizardchan.

>>306146
Nah, I took a vacation this Christmas and had a similar very relaxed mood… naturally, not medically. I doubt you have it.

 No.306149

>>306146
once a week is pretty wizardly to be honest. you're fine

 No.306150

>>301262
>It does put me to sleep. But, maybe that's ok. If it means I can find some happening apart from fapping and dreaming while I sleep.

If you won't, you can always pull of a following move:

1. Install Honkai Impact 3rd or Honkai Starrail
2. Install Arknights or its Endfield same-universe game or both
3. Ashphalt series mobile games
4. ??????
5. You now have several dopamine-releasing games to pass your time
6. Audiobooks to play in the background.

 No.306152

>>306148
>Tsk-tsk-tsk. Sounds too crabby for wizardchan.
Creep


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 No.305927[Reply]

>be me
>bored
>decide to go for a walk
>the group that used to harass me in high school sees me
>they start shouting embarrassing nicknames they gave me loudly, just like they did in HS
I thought I wouldn't need to deal with that anymore, but it seems like I was wrong. Has anyone here ever experienced something similar? I just want to have some peace.
27 posts and 8 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.306028

>>305928
>not even worth thinking about
t. never been called names in his entire life

i can't believe some people have such low self awareness as you do. not bothering about shit is a decades long process of internalizing complex self knowledge and even then it's only a conscious construct that has to continuously keep the unconscious in check.

 No.306098

>>305927
yes bully memories still haunts me after more than a decade.

>Being me
>got a job
>everything is ok for the first time in my entire life
>speak to coworkers
>after some months coworkers begin to act WAY too familiar. like, a lot

>begin to throw shit at each other, me included

>one of them point out a delicate situation about me not going to work past week

it hurts
he laughs
everyone laughs
i fucking wish him to shut the fuck off
got so much shit inside me so I cant figure a way of resolving this withouth violence

my instincts are telling me to throw a punch as revange for all those years being bullied in highschool
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

 No.306126

>>306098
1. You probably should switch your current job to night shifts.
Your excuse: "traffic jams finally got me".

2. If fails, switch jobs, but only once your "night shifts" plan failed.

Your excuse: "past jobs was about night shifts. Unfortunately, the windows get too much sunlight in the morning and I just cannot sleep from all the light and heat."

 No.306141

>>305927
Not quite like this, but yeah, I get the general sentiment.
Abused kid, everyone knew about my situation, small village, was bullied as a result, like, major life changing stuff at multiple points in life.
Was a nervous wreck, never quite adapted. Never quite got a fresh start either.

I changed schools 3 times by the time I was 18 and always there was at least a few people who "followed me" as they also changed schools.
These people often weren't the bullies themselves, but soon enough they told my tale and presented me as a social offering to the new tribe if that makes any sense.
They used my past torment and my weakness as a gateway to fitting in themselves. So I never really had a chance on my own merit.

To this day I'm haunted, it happens at at work too if you are unlucky. Contrary to popular belief the "bad bully" wont be your subordinate and you the boss later like my mom used to say.
A loser stays a loser because of the learned behavior patterns and developed character. The bullies are socially apt, they usually rise up.
Ironically enough I had the misfortune of meeting some when I was forced out of neetdom. You can guess how that went.

>>305940
This here is probably the worst of it.
Life is just one eternal highschool. I'm glad to have read your post. Said well and concise.
My mother is the same as me and lived through much humiliation too.
When I was younger I didn't understand why she was so nervous about how we present ourselves, but yeah later on this happened to us too and now I get it.
In an apartment complex you can get screwed in so many ways if the others sense blood in the water, weakness or whatever.
If there is a pre-existing clique and you make one mistake at work as well, you'll suffer. Same everywhere.
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

 No.306144

>>305927
God I fucking hate people from HS


 No.306061[Reply]

I got summoned to jury duty. I am depressed and socially anxious, probably have avoidant personality disorder. It is asking me if I have a disability that prevents me from completing jury duty and I honestly don't know how to answer that. If I couldn't handle college and I can't handle employment because I'm too mentally ill, why would jury duty be any different? I kind of feel like it would be possible just unpleasant, but then I also wonder if I can physically force myself to show up and that I'm less sure of.

I have to ask my doctor to tell them I'm disabled though and then that would be weird. How are you supposed to know if you just have mental illness or if you are disabled by that mental illness?

 No.306063

>How are you supposed to know if you just have mental illness or if you are disabled by that mental illness?
If you're cognizant enough to ask this, then you're very likely not mentally ill. The entire prospect of 'mental illness' is not being able to introspect and be concerned with ideas related to your own capability or the consequences of being placed in an uncomfortable situation. You can try to claim some sort of social disorder such as social anxiety, but that's a learned disorder not inherent to some sort of physical ailment of the brain, so the government might not care. Don't fall for the "I'm forever helplessly mentally ill because I don't particularly enjoy being in crowded places" ruse. By all means fake it to get out of jury duty, but don't willingly lower your own expectations of yourself because some memelords online have convinced you that you're braindead in spite of you proving yourself able to communicate functionally.

 No.306130

>>306061
Never go to the psych ward or be blatantly honest with a therapist. These people are quick to deem you mentally adjudicated (incompetent) and will fuck you over for life.

Just because society socially ostracizes you doesn't mean you're mentally ill necessarily; it's a negative feedback loop.

All they'll do is gaslight you and project onto you. If you do need to seek out help from them, attempt to be as relatively neurotypical and politically correct in a nuanced way as possible, and pretend that their shit advice is somehow a groundbreaking revelation of self-awareness.

 No.306138

I think this is obvious unless you are truly delusional, or too retarded to realise you are retarded. I would avoid this jury stuff anyway, even when you interact with the court system in a good way these things somehow always bring bad stuff in your life


 No.306131[Reply]

Never look for psychiatric help, expecially as an addict. It was the worst mistake I ever made in my life. I got addicted to ultra high doses of xanax 8-10x over maximum, and when I tried to get help, instead of tapering me which is what they do in every civilized country, they took me from 30 to 0 in a day. I had stroke symptoms, 60/40 bpm, i was teleporting in real life, i couldnt talk think or know what day it is, function or do anything. I spent 3 days falling on my knees under the doctor's office in the psychiatric hospital and got treated like an annoying fly. I wanted to call an ambulance to take me out of there, i called an ambulance on myself because I thought I had a stroke when I ran away out of my drugs, but nobody ever checked nor was interested in anything. My doctor was an ukrainian piece of shit that treated me like shit under his shoe. After 12 days in psychiatric prison i barely escaped by pretending to get better, and spent 3 weeks in a psychosis despite taking antipsychotics and antiseizure meds, i felt 24/7 heart attack, stroke and epilepsy symptoms. I also lost feeling in my body, i had visual, auditory, time perception problems, became and invalid that couldnt move or pick up a paper, eat, swallow, feeel thirst, pee, lost ability to control my muscles. If i took a bath i would swallow all the water and not feel it, i hit my head on everything and didnt even feel it, i could punch walls and not feel if i broke my bones. When I went to a private psychiatrist to get help, she saw me and said she doesn't deal with this and kicked me out the door after 30 seconds without letting me explain a single thing. I lost my mind, it has been completely destroyed and ruined to the point there's nothing left. After 5 weeks of this treatment and choking on water I thought i'll die anyway so I went back to my drugs and after taking 1 pill I got a better remission and improvement than over a month of their psychiatric treatment. I could actually feel things and i wanted to cry from happiness. But it was all temporary, and in the end i went back to my old habits, but now, they ruined it so that I get every single side effect from the drug that I never had before despite taking the same amount for a year straight. My physical health has also completely collapsed, I was unable to take a bath for a month, shave, eat, think, time moved 100x times slower and I experienced hell on earth worse than being torturted alive with worst cia methods. Now I have nothiPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

 No.306132

Dead internet theory, seems made up. Stay off drugs if true.

 No.306134

>>306131
You're the guy who kept suicide baiting last year about how you only have 1 or 2 days left to live and you're gonna die. Dunno if you're the same guy but I keep seeing these xanax suicide posts that all revolve around the same themes.

 No.306136

Are you the benzo guy?
I am dying too and I found out in my last days I just look for some sense of peace and warmth, even if rage is justified.
your post reads like a typical drug addict death spiral.


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 No.305937[Reply]

Every time I think of death, the end of my self I can feel my brain fighting it, pretty much actively trying to shut down.
It's a weird sinking feeling, thinking of the unimaginable.
People have died around me and I felt nothing, but then again I'm not an overly emotive or emotional person.

I still can't cope with death as a concept. I don't want to cease experiencing. I'd genuinely prefer hell to oblivion.

I screwed myself, my health because of a lack of attachments and care for things in general and I'm at the age where recovery is getting harder even if I try.
Mitigation is a more realistic goal if I don't already have something terminal, hopefully. (29)

How do you guys cope? I see so many people here talking about suicide and I just can't fathom it.
I suffer from many chronic ailments, pain, tinnitus (really severe) and much else. I had many absolutely horrid experiences during childhood and youth.
I have no real connection to my broken family, no connection to pretty much anyone or anything. Never loved or felt loved by anyone, not even family.
I don't pursue hobbies I'm a man of inaction. I can't even force myself to do things I supposedly enjoy.
I have one friend I talk to online exclusively in text and meaningless time wasting activities, consuming media, manga/manhua mostly.

It's a pointless life. Wasted.

Based on all of this I should probably be suicidal, but I'm the opposite. I'd be content being a specter just observing things too. I just want to persist.
I don't want this to end, I don't want to end.
I'm terrified. Sure I'm sick, in pain, constantly depressed or anxious, generally a failure, but I don't want to be gone.
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.
9 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.306000

>>305994
I'm a Christian and I don't get why you connect my view with buddhism and paganism. St Aquinas describes the souls of evil people as wanting nothing more than meaningless torment even saying the tears they shed in Hell is because they can no longer torment good people.
This judgement by Christ is still involuntary and permanent and could be seen as punishment by some people.

 No.306014

Back when I was 14 or so, I had a following idea: consciousness halts at the moments of your death, but if you cannot remember your dream because you dont wake up, there is no dream then. So the last thing you feel is the feeling that stays with you. Forever.


Death row convicted people have it easier than anyone else, drugged into not feeling a thing and such.

 No.306023

I reduce it to numbers. I really shouldn't, quality of life should be the goal even if I die this week. I guess the thought is having thousands (or maybe 10's of thousands) of days left on the planet is plenty of time to see interesting things and challenge the mind.

 No.306026

you're in pain, so your self preservation instincts are constantly on high alert. you definitely sleep ok, eat ok and don't overly exert yourself, so that's what keeps things running. i don't know what you're trying to cope with

 No.306128

>>306000
Oh! Nice round number!
Please tell more on St. Aquinas part of the question


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