/dep/ - Depression

Post here if you don't have enough to say for a new thread, but it's too depressing for the crawl thread.
/wiz/ tier room setups edition.

>Were you emotionally neglected as a child?
I wonder if this led me to become who I am now, at least in social settings.
I have no idea if I suffered from this, although I remember times when I was told not to cry, or I got used to not crying over silly things that perhaps maybe weren't silly for a child.
I read those internet ads about caring for parents and children, and they recommended hugs, affection, and not denying children's pain and suffering, and that the best thing is to get it off the emotions of their chest or body.
but if this doesn't happen, then they build up a shell, armor, or something like that because they mask or hide these emotions automatically out of pure habit and training. and later they will have trouble releasing their emotions from their bodies. Babies and toddlers do this naturally when they cry.
>Also
I can't remember the last time I cried with all my might or something like that.
I wonder if this led me to be the way I am now, at least in a social way. I wonder if I can treat it. I read from an anon that some of these things can only be treated with love. But the truth is confusing.
Maybe my brain is already like this, although I read that the brain can change, as can one's habits and feelings.

I feel like I have a big black hole instead of my heart. it happens when I'm sad. It 100% comes from my depression for sure. it hurts because it's like someone stabbed you and you can feel the hole and it hurts even more and I get more depressed and I feel like the hole is growing bigger and heavier. it hurts so much when it happens. no hobby can satisfy me to fill the hole. the hole acts like a black hole and absorbs every positive thinking or things.
anyone felt/feels that and how did you overcome it?

The sole purpose of this post is to share the techniques and books I have accumulated over time to achieve relaxation and other things.
I have read about meditation, magic, ceremonial magic, chaotic and postmodern magic, anxiety therapies, and relaxation techniques. This thread is not a cure for all problems. I don't want to turn this into a blogspot, so feel free to ask whatever you want.
>Also
Remember that you can also search for the techniques I mention on the internet, on YouTube, or on WikiHow, where you can find help on how to perform these techniques and more tips.

"You have to interview someone from another culture and write an essay on their responses"

What exactly am I supposed to do? Where exactly do I begin to look for an interviewee? It's not like I know ANYONE. My entire extended family hates me. My friends have all vanished. And the entire system as a whole has done nothing except set me up for failure. I'm 22, and I've worked 17 jobs in the past 4 years and nothing stuck. I spent 99% of my time in Elementary, Middle School, and Highschool in semi-permanent I.S.S. (In School Suspension) because of my Asperger's diagnosis. Which inevitably forced me to drop out and get my GED.

I've been voluntarily homeless before to escape a broken household with a psychotic & narcissistic mother. I've driven from the South, to the Southeast to the Midwest multiple times looking for something to hold onto. Either to reconnect with some friends I had in high-school in the hopes to establish some kind of camaraderie/fellowship. Or when someone I met on CS:GO offered to let me be their roommate. Nothing ever seemed to work. There was always SOMETHING that happened to set me back. It was always one step forwards and two steps back. Either I lost my job, had a manic episode, or crashed my car and got saddled with a $400 quacked-up ticket from a cop who wasn't on the scene until a whole hour after the accident even occurred.

I figured after all the trouble, that maybe I should attend community college. Unfortunately, now I have to navigate this academic labyrinth which is filled with countless obstacles that are designed to single people like me out so we can be removed from society. What am I supposed to do? If I withdraw I'm stuck with debt (albeit only the first semesters worth), even then I can't even land a job that lasts for more than 3 months at a time, so paying it off would be hopeless. If I choose to keep going at it, I'll likely fail and end up with a horrible GPA that'll ruin my chances at climbing any corporate ladder.

It feels like every opportunity taken has lead to nothing but failure. There hasn't been anything in my life I've ever been successful at. It feels as though the writing is on the wall. Only this time the consequences to be faced by choosing either fork in my path will end up being nothing short of insurmountable.

I look at people like Adam Shephard (Scratch Beginnings) and Chris McCandless (maybe even Ted Kaczynski) and see that either they are able to mPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

You will still be stuck browsing this thread in 2026 edition

previous>>296811

Any other wizards here that have trouble with speaking "normally" or pronouncing certain letters? This kind of thing occurs naturally to normalfags and it really is just something that should come inherent to everyone. I've had times when I think I'm talking normally but people tell me to stop yelling, or other times when I think I'm talking in above average volume and people tell me I'm being silent. I also struggle to pronounce the letter "s" properly and sound like a spazz which has made me actively avoid certain words. It's just another one of those things that has made me realize how we and normalfags live in an entirely different state of existence. I remember how Chris Chan used to get bullied for his voice among other things, I'm not sure if it is an autistic trait or a consequence of my reclusive life but it has made my anxiety in public worse, and has also totally ruined my dreams of starting a music project one day

have you ever been told you had no personality? I was told that when I was a kid. it hurts. one day, I asked the psychologist I was told that and if it was true, she said that's not true because some people do that just to put you down, she said. I believed her but now I'm thinking I don't have a personality and people without personality exist and she was wrong (she maybe just said that to make me happier about myself).
I noticed I was a contrarian and thats my whole personality:being contrarian. but everybody can be contrarian therefore it's not a real personality, and so I have no personality. damn it suck being a NPC (I hate that buzzword).
I'm not telling you how to get a personality because it would be fake and it will show, I don't know maybe I just want to know your reactions over this. maybe you too was told you had no personality and can relate to this post and feel like a NPC too.

Is anyone else lacking formative, human experiences? I've never:

>Dated anyone
>Had an actual friend
>Had a real conversation that went past surface level shit. Not with anybody, not even with my parents, they just say "Oh yeah anon me too…now I need to rant about my day,"
>Had a in-depth conversation about my hobbies and interests past "Yeah I like X"
>Been anywhere or done anything really, I mostly just sit in front of my PC.

I'm 25 now. I realize I have no framework for connecting with people – I don't have a lack of empathy or anything, in fact I'd say I feel for people too strongly sometimes. I just can't connect with them. I'm polite and quiet and that's it.

>What about online relationships

Outside of imageboards, I basically don't exist.

I feel like 25 is too late too. I know it's not "old" but most people my age have been to concerts, have had foundational experiences like heartbreak or just smoking weed after class with friends, etc. and then I'm a blob who's never even been to anyone's house or been invited anywhere. I feel like my soul hasn't been developed. I know I have a mind and moral systems and thoughts but I have no way of communicating them without a lot of deliberation. There's nothing there. I don't know. But can anyone else relate?

Would they? I've been thinking.

My mom is already LDAR'ing due to the debt and she's already lost one child, so I think either by suicide or stress she would die. My dad? He didn't seem to care that much when my stepbro died, but I am his firstborn. I don't know really. My little brother would probably just turn into me. That's my only concern. Everyone else, would cry for a day maybe.