/dep/ - Depression

I'm just waiting for the end at this point

>>308987
The problem is how that end will come

>>308987
so does everyone

I kind of forgot I was suicidal. I miss it. It's like I said some threads ago. Wallowing in depression is the only place I feel at home.

>>308990
so true. i hate not being depressed enough, because being energetic is just another form of suffering.

>>307808
>of course you're right, silly! everything's in our hands!!!

you don't know what is within your hands and what is not it seems. what a pitty. you're probably no too different from the succubus in the gif.

>>307809
noooo i'm not a succubus i'm not a succubus!!!

>>307810
>noooo i'm not a succubus i'm not a succubus!!!

you are as emotional

>>307765
>normals
aren't people.

>>307804
the blackpill/i-ncel cult is jewish social engineering to force hopelessness in the young male population, which if embraced leads down to two ends:

1. transgenderism (which is ultimately population reduction)
2. suicide (which is ultimately population reduction)

>>307294
Wish I had real goals too.
I relate a lot to the randomness, feeling like I'm an edge case a lot of times.

I genuinely feel like I'm an NPC in a game world at times with broken RNG. It's usually something negative, absurdly unlucky and it stacks up to "unrealistic" stories people think I make up.

Like telling a doctors about having physical pains, limping and this whole thing somehow leading me to a psych ward before they ever bother to acknowledge the physical deformity/damage, only after paying for imaging out of pocket do they finally believe me, and EVEN AFTER THAT they still push the mental shit instead every time some new shit pops up. This is basically every doctor I've met in recent memory for no discernible reason. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLrnkK2YEcE

It happens in positive ways too. Like I'm on the brink of exiting life and all of a sudden I'm given a job far beyond my abilities and tolerated for years despite my many shortcomings and failures in a comfy position that I couldn't ever imagine replicating.

Critical failures absurdly disproportionate to whatever was the cause was and miraculous outcomes and rewards/results disproportionate to the effort put in.
Overall it's negative, but then great things happen just in time to keep me going….
Needless to say I've been embracing determinism as a result, but the absurdity of the experience makes it hard to believe it is strictly determined and not some random outsider having a grand old time messing with me like I used to with insects in a sandbox as a kid.

Makes me wonder how real most people are, or if I'm actually clinically insane and they just hear other words come out of my mouth than I attempt to say.
Then again sometimes the weird unprompted absurdly unrelated NPC like rants from people can be interrupted and somehow they snap back to sanity and give way to what I want. It's very odd.
Wish I was as coherent as some wizards here instead of rambling, but I hope the message is clear enough.

>>308057
okay

>>308743
>Makes me wonder how real most people are, or if I'm actually clinically insane

Most are not real. Covid should have proved this to you. And what do I mean by “real”? Having intelligence enough to think independently of others.
And you are not clinically insane. No man authentically mad would ever be discovered self-aware of his own madness.

>I genuinely feel like I'm an NPC in a game world at times with broken RNG.

You’re just smart and very self-aware in a world in which apparently nearly all are not. Any sufficiently caring and self-reflective human will fall into the belief that he’s beset by soulless people wandering through outwardly random environments as an isolated observer. The ancient gnostics even had a term for this and that term is ἀλλογενής, meaning literally “of a different kind”, but translated as “stranger”. Those who have thoughts like those contained in your post really are ἀλλογεναι (strangers) in a difficult world that is not native to the quality of their souls.

>This is basically every doctor I've met in recent memory for no discernible reason.

I can fairly say: me too! Except I disagree with >for no discernible reason. The reason is quite plain: doctors are indoctrinated; not only “intellectually”, that is in how they understand and treat diseases, but also “personally”, in how they hold the most of their patients in contempt as less than themselves. Doctors (95% of the time) are dangerous prideful psychopaths who look down on their patients while having very little actual curative medical knowledge. You should have known this by your age (presuming here that you are 30+). If I can flatter myself, I already knew to be careful around doctors (that they do not make good decisions and are often uncaring toward sufferers) by the time I was in my early 20s.

>Critical failures absurdly disproportionate to whatever was the cause was and miraculous outcomes and rewards/results disproportionate to the effort put in.

Here’s an interesting passage out of Plutarch from an essay titled “De Pythiae oraculis (On the oracles of Pythia)”, the subject whereof is the investigation of the truthfulness of the responses given to ancient men who would sue for tPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>308747
>the fact that we have free will cannot be reconciled to the notion of a limiting malicious demiurge.
From our perspective/perception and even then only within an extremely limited scope all things considered.
An ant in a terrarium has free will to an extent.

>>308968
>An ant in a terrarium

well that's probably what we are, being that space is fake and we're under water.

>>308378
good choice.

>>308378
I think the motive underwriting the push for prescribing SSRI drugs is the same as for the motive behind projects like feminism and vaccines and abortions – fertility suppression for goyim.

I was on med(Z)for like ten years. Wasn't my choice obviously. It's all gay poison (J)ust my take. I got apathy from it but I think I always had that anyways, I never felt any symptoms in them besides sleepiness. I was on all of them dude all of them. I think overall they're just placebo's with chemicals. I think being sober of all chemicals especially drugs or beer is good and you can get high easily by just breathing and schizo projecting pretending, I need to be as healthy and strong as I can and beer or meds feel like alzheimer aids

>>308686
>or meds feel like alzheimer aids

they cause provable empirical injury to the brain. of course jewish psychiatric medications make humans feel worse.

>>307628
Are you doing any better?

>>308565
Update: aw shucks, lost my medical insurance certificate, fffffffffffuuuuuuuuuu–

>>308565
Limiting or outright removing all wheat and sugar is a simple provable means for halting pancreatic damage. No need to see a doctor for that.

>>308693
I've often wondered what my life would have been like if I had grown up without eating wheat.

>>308779
probably very few people have ever done this.

you don't. you were bred to be a slave, without will or initiative. all you've got going for you is pain. sorry but that's just how it is. owning your body is purely a question of will. if you don't own it well then welcome to the club buddy. there's no hope here

Firearm ownership might not be for you. It wasn't for me either, I sold mine and felt way more in control of my destiny without it.

>>308925
Darn I wish I had a gun to shoot myself with.

Are you sure it isn't just survival instinct? I tried to hang myself in january but backed out at the last moment.

>>308977
there are better methods than hanging so no reason to do it that way unless you're in a hurry, the risk of not doing it properly and suffering a slow and painful death or surviving with brain damage is too high

>>308893
My mother was carrier of an extremely rare genetic disease that makes you disabled since day 1 and life expectancy is 16-18 years, chance of inheriting it was also 50% and she still decided to have me because yolo. I'm convinced I would've been better off with the disease knowing what my life would've been, I'm still genetic trash but I have to endure it for many many years because survival instincts, humanity is the worst virus of them all.

>>308893
This is how I feel about ageing mothers, that is, the vast majority of wizchan posters. My mom was 41, fucking demonic cunt

>>308914
Never thought about the number, my mother was 37 when she had me. I always found it strange in elementary school how my parents were the only ones who looked old. Grey hairs, wrinkles, all that. Meanwhile the other students parents looked like older siblings.

From that description sounds like my mother has something very similar but minor. She's losing muscle function, but largely due to her lifestyle of eating like 10~20k calories a day and laying down 24/7. Mentally fried as she's on a cup full of pils every day and night, if she even misses one she will freak out and try run outside naked because the men in black suits are trying to kill me. Someone like her wasn't made for life, just a defected product sadly

yeah I can see how certain countries have legalised euthanasia

>>308944
It's a supermarket and the succubi I'm referencing are highschoolers/uni students and 25~50 y/o succubi. Older succubi are fine I've noticed. They're probably just happy to be dealing with a White man lol.

>>308945
Oh for sure they can sense it. Shouldn't I be less of a threat than a literal psycho criminal though? It's not like these criminals are handsome or sociable either, they are weirder than I am but they still get better treatment than me. It's so weird.

>>308949
I like the idea of a normie camouflage. I also agree not changing for their approval but I do want to be written off the hit list. I just don't want to be attacked and harassed and I'm willing to make certain changes to ensure that. All within reason. I remember in my 20s when I had to walk everywhere I had to act a little off putting around the ghetto types to get them to leave me alone. I'd scratch myself a lot, sniff loudly, and scream every 2 minutes or so lol. They wrote me off as not worth interacting with. If I acted "normal" it's just constants bombardments of "got a dollar bro?" or other variants.

>>308949
Normies thinking that you are harmless is the best excuse you can give them to harass you, if there's an inbred somalian dancing naked on the subway no one will open his mouth but if a short white guy doesn't want to give his seat to a succubus they'll verbally murder you.

>>308961
Normies are some of the most narcissistic, hypocritical, and cowardly individuals ever to walk the earth. They radiate nothing but contempt for every living being around them except themselves. It makes me physically sick being around them and I have no problem rejecting whatever hypocritical sob story they have to say to get their way. I feel approximately 0 remorse when I see them get murdered in gore sites. Infact its emotionally fulfilling.

>>308969
The poster above is correct, neurotypicals only listen to force and size. The worst thing you can do among them is to present as harmless and timid. They will abuse and ruin you to oblivion especially in the United States.

What you need to do as a wizard is what I did which is ordering trenbolone and testosterone propionate and hit the gym.
Then if people give you shit or push you around you push them back or tell them to fuck off in public.

You can't make them back off and feel humiliated if you're small and polite. As a social self defense tool you need to have the OPTION of credibly telling a narcissistic normie to fuck off under the threat of violence.

That doesn't mean you can't be civil, reasonable and kind when that's your baseline personality. You just need to have size and a yolo attitude in your tool arsenal if shit hits the fan.
The odds of shit hitting the fan decrease radically either way when narcissistic normies no longer see you as an easy target. They begrudgingly skip you.

>>308973
>That doesn't mean you can't be civil, reasonable and kind when that's your baseline personality. You just need to have size and a yolo attitude in your tool arsenal if shit hits the fan.
So essentially Teddy Roosevelt's philosophy of "speak softly and carry a big stick", but at an interpersonal level?

Moved to >>>/b/1037804.

>>306783
>but I can go and live with my dad because my parents are divorced


Good for you, because my father was shouting very loudly and threatingly on me when I tried that option…

>>306783
>>306783
Move with dad

mine used to love me
maybe she still does deep down
but our relationship is irreparably damaged beyond hope

she doesn't insult me or make mean comments
we mostly just don't talk beyond the necessary, or see each other much despite living together

>>308459
This

Also, make sure to be at ease at first (to avoid the mistake I had made)

>>306726
>she started using that habit as a weapon against me
How? Does she just come up next to you and say something like "haha anon, washing your hands? only fags do that!"?
>Any advice on how to get free from her?
Has your mother always been like this, op? Do you think talking with her could work?