/dep/ - Depression

The Time God does not forget nor forgive edition. You will do this again.

Previous: >>307210

Does anyone here struggle with alcohol, or have managed to quit?

It used to be a good coping mechanism for me, but it seems the older I've gotten the worse it feels, and it's become detrimental to my health and the way I behave around people. Easily annoyed, constantly starting shit, tired all the time, strange pains. And I was still getting worse, fast.

This has been a wake-up call and I'm realizing I need to quit before it's too late. Though that's easy for me to say now when I'm still feeling bad, and I fear the cravings will come back strong, but I know I've got to try.

Curious to hear others experience with this.

What is the average wizard's relationship with religion like? No religious person has ever been able to give me a good argument for why God, if he is out there, is not the most maximally evil being in the universe simply by the virtue of creating suffering when he could have chosen not to. Saying "suffering builds character" and derivatives of is just a manifestation of their stockholm syndrome for this vile entity

>I form the light, and create darkness. I make peace, and create evil. I YHWH do all these things - Isaiah 45:7

I’ve come here to bitch, wizards. I’m an apprentice barely, I suppose (22 years), but I will be a wizard (for multiple reasons and beliefs), so I like the site a lot. Anyways, I’m in despair and will be in utter and complete despair for two weeks.

My parents forced my NEET-ish ass into university because they mean well and don’t want me to die on the streets once they die but not only is university/studying not for me but I’m on med school of all things, I’ve already flunked more than one class since I started the career like 2-3 years ago, so shit isn’t going well, not only that due to a stupid retarded class I’m being forced to spend two, I mean TWO fucking weeks with normies to do sort of stupid social work in some shitty rural town that’s even more shitty than my already dog shit town (not rural), I can’t even go back home for a single day on the duration of that, I’m not sure if I’ll survive, thankfully due to my mental illness (Szpd) I’ll probably be able to detach and survive but it’s going to be horrible, I don’t even like sleeping, bathing etc on the house of my grandparents (probably the unique people whom I somewhat trust and feel “oka-ish” being around outside of my parents and older brother), I might not really feel stressed, despairing and such but I know it’s happening, I just can’t feel it due to being mentally ill, of course I can still get the somatic part anyways, so my stomach is a mess right now and I feel like shitting for 5 hours straight, my hands have trembles a bit too, it’s like I’m in purgatory or something, what the fuck did I do to deserve this ? I guess that’s what I get for being depressed and suicidal for years all the while still keeping up the lie that “I want to be a doctor” because I didn’t even think I would be alive to reach university or the career itself, nor did I have (or really have) goals or a job/career I wanted, it was easier to lie at the time and just kill myself eventually. Thankfully, I got better, and I’m even content with my life in general (which is the closest I can have to happiness, as I only get to feel emotionally happy here and there for a couple of minutes a few times per year), but now I’m stuck in this horrid situation. At moments like these, I kind of wish I could at least not be mentally ill, I would have found something I really wanted to do by now or would be able to push through this career even if it’s exclusively for the degree.

But such thinking is useless, I’m now sPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

This thread is for talking about OCD, addictions, or those kinds of disorders that ruined our lives
>So
When I was a kid, I had some pretty OCD-like behavior—I’d touch things and check them over and over until I felt reassured that everything was okay. I also used to walk on my tiptoes, which is a bit autistic, but I eventually stopped doing that (I don’t know if I have autism at this point bacause never did a test, but whatever).
>So what’s up with you?
Well, in my case is limerence (some studies say is co-related to OCD)
>And what’s that like?
Well, imagine a succubi (for some people even can be the other sex you dont like) talks to you and treats you kindly once or twice, and then you start getting way more than just nervous around her because your body starts releasing dopamine, serotonin, and all that shit. And since you don’t know what’s going on, you think you like her or have fallen in love, but its NOT.
really it’s just fucking anxiety toward a “thing.” Because you’re constantly seeking validation in some way—whether for friendship, attention, or love but you have this anxiety that you know is inappropriate, and if you act on it, the feeling of danger gets worse, it’s almost like you’re having a heart attack. and as time pass the thing got worst and worst and you get more obsessive, nerveous and get a peak of anxiety, even start to rumiate or have that thing of limerence (LO) living rent free in your head bacause your brain cant stop thinking about your LO
>What was the worst experience you've ever had?
Even you will end starting to dream with the LO and have happy dreams or nightmares and waking up crying bacause you are getting the peak of anxiety and dopamine,etc sec before waking up. this shit can even ruin friendship.
>Why the hell does this happen?
I don’t know, genetics, anxiety, depression, emotional dependency, low self-steem, negligent parents, love hungry, maybe OCD etc and a whole lot of shit
>You're larping this nonsense
but in my case, it’s not like those internet memes of bitch tumblr succubi where it only happens once and they use like a joke for love or crush
>You're a retard and you fall in love go fuk yourself wizard
No, no it’s happened to me constantly over the Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

Starting a new anti-suicide general as the original has been bump-locked.

Helping wizards to understand that persuasive feelings of suicide can be bested.

Further the discursive spirit of this thread will remain the same as the first: to counter the general luring tenor of sadness that defines all the other threads through sharing positive practical advice purposed to reducing suicidal behavior even when we feel most suicidal. Naturally, being that I started the topic, I will be the first to contribute.

(1) Know that I care about you guys deeply and sincerely. Call me a faggot, I don't care (many have already done this, to no worthwhile avail)
(2) Examine what you are eating. For example, gluten especially produces depressive/psychotic episodes in sensitive autistic individuals. Sugar also is not healthy for your brain. Delimiting ingestion of both is wise.
(3) Make sure you are getting sufficient sleep. Chronic sleeplessness or even a few days' worth of irregular sleep can seriously interfere with the clarity of our thinking.
(4) Clean up. Taking a warm shower and putting on fresh clean clothes always is refreshing and helps to break up darkened mental habits.
(5) Breathe fresh air. Open whichever windows punctuate your room and allow some wind to come in.
(6) Watch your breathing. When we are panicked, our breathing can become very disordered and we do not recognize the effect this has on our thinking. Take deep, purposeful breaths, and collect your thoughts.
(7) Respect yourself. You have done your best to survive in an awful world, and you should grant yourself forgiveness for any mistakes and the allowance to rest with a composed and balanced mind.

I've done my part. Anyone else?

This is the classic "Suicide General", where we discuss methods and say farewell to our fellow wizards.

Previous:
>>296511

Again, that feeling returned, wondering why there was a kind of resentment within me. Memories surfaced of why things had to be this way. And well, my ego told me what my eyes had seen: that I was superior to the one who had prevented me from being myself.

Although it was all for naught, the sinister was already looming. But how can you banish something from your mind when it has become so fiercely ingrained?

Have you ever managed to rid yourself of a resentment that seemed to have become embedded in your mind?

>even the extrovert normalfags with an excellent social and sexual life are on multiple drugs and getting therapy
I'm absolutely done for, dude. Even my life improves, I'll still just be a monkey to the rest of them. Fuck.

>be me
>bored
>decide to go for a walk
>the group that used to harass me in high school sees me
>they start shouting embarrassing nicknames they gave me loudly, just like they did in HS
I thought I wouldn't need to deal with that anymore, but it seems like I was wrong. Has anyone here ever experienced something similar? I just want to have some peace.