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Depression
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 No.307994[Reply]

The day of Armageddon has inched towards me in just 2 hours. I completed a worthless degree in IT, by completed, I mean gave the final exams of the final semester just 2 hours ago, and I returned home, which is in a third world country. And the results are as I expected, as a matter of fact, when I came back I could literally feel the tension inside my house mounting.

I was expecting one day or another, for this to happen but it's surreal how quickly it has happened, my parents had a massively heated argument with me, and honestly, it took me a few years back when my parents used to abuse the hell out of me, I can for some reason, literally feel the terror of abuse in the lower half of my spine and in my kidneys.

The question is obvious, which is what will I do next? Because I am about to graduate completely unemployed, in this little third world country, and of course the parents aren't happy, as it is in the nature of everyone maybe mine as well to be pissed seeing a man wake up at 9AM and ask for breakfast, and take it back to the Air Conditioned room, the resentment is off the charts for obvious reason of what my parents would consider "stealing" from them because I am not paying back in any meaningful labour, seems like I will have to wake up at 6AM in the morning tomorrow and not use Air Conditioner at all.

It was honestly, a massive argument, I just few hours ago got back to my house from a scorching 42C temperature and now I am being cooked internally. At this point, I have started to prepare for the worst, any day in "my" house could be my last, I am trying to gather all the IDs, gather all the documents for eventual kick, and a kick in a country like this is extremely close to death. Certainly slightly different from other countries where you can live in your car, given that in this country the car ownership rate is 8%. So there goes living in a Honda Fit out of the Window.

I must get a job, I have tried getting a job online, from microtasks, to annotation for OneForma, to trying to act like an agent for PornStars online, to chat on their behalf, and I have earned no more and no less than 0 in any currency of this planet. The jig is coming to an end. While I am not familiar with the thoughts of life in the Christian Theology because I wasn't born in a Christian Family, but my Judgement, rather Execution is near. Fuck me. There is very real chance that I will have to take a permanent dip into a Holy River. I meaPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

 No.307995

Are there no local labor jobs that just involve shoveling dirt? Even in developed nations, fresh graduates of oversaturated degrees such as IT still need to work menial labor and service jobs until they land one related to their degree. You've done the responsible thing by preparing for the boot, but a crappy labor job would not only give you money to save but also get you out of your parents' hair. Just keep telling them that once you land a good job you'll pay all of their bills (lie).

 No.307996

>>307994
do you live in india by any chance?


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 No.304279[Reply]

There's no meaning of existing when you can't be what you want. I wish I could live in a world where I am the main and where people would respect me or care about me. If I don't live in this world, I should die.
7 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.304304

>>304299
>the only thing that gives life meaning is strong emotional experiences
nope, just hedonistic cope.

 No.304311

>>304282
>Are you the guy who only wants to do math and draw?
Nope
I liked to draw as kid but now no. I studied some piano and music theory but i abandoned it.
I like to read but i have too much digital hobbies, maybe i need more non-computer related.

 No.305550

>>304292
>I want to be a natural blonde and blue-eyed person with paler skin, from a Germanic tribe, and mainly from a 1st world country.

for what purpose?

 No.307992

>>304281
with such english you dont have to bother learning anything in the first place , go watch shoujo anime.

 No.307993

>>305550
To not feel like you're a net negative on the Earth


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 No.304408[Reply]

new internet of over 10 yrs now… is it me or there is nothing left to talk about?
43 posts and 6 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.307626

>>307624
>I guess because people can't afford to host anything now.

Nah, it's just easier to use existing services. Need a forum? Make a subreddit or Discord, it's free, takes seconds, everyone already has an account and it has all the moderation tools you need. Need a personal blog? X/Twitter will reach more people than you could hope to reach with your shitty SEO. Want an imageboard? You can make one for free on 8ch and you don't have to ruin your sleep over CP bots.

It sucks because there's no sense of discovery anymore, everything is ruled by AI algorithms that serve whatever they want or think you need.

 No.307677

>>307624
they wake up call was a while ago I installed NoScript as a means of making my web browsing more secure when I heard all of the remote executables you could launch with JavaScript. Now every fucking website is blank on a browser I run with NoScript. You gotta bend over and let your privacy be fucked just to watch silly videos. Now its getting worse where not only does everyone want you to make an account using a gmail, but they want your fucking phone number. Pretty soon they are gonna demand your credit card number and enable an autopay function by default just to have an account.

 No.307678

>>307677
>emote executables you could launch with JavaScript
You need to have those executables on your system, the script on the browser needs to know their exact path, and all modern browsers ask you to confirm before a script on the page can communicate with something on your system. If those executables communicate with the internet they need to have Windows give them a firewall entry which is asked upon the first time they're launched.
>You gotta bend over and let your privacy be fucked
How dare them allow you to use their website for free. The nerve of them to do so and require basic information about your browser required to give you a webpage that works. The absolute freaks they must be to not offer streaming HD content while accommodating some dork who purposely chips away at his browser functionality out of his misguided phobia about being datamined or something. You paranoid privacy shizos are the ones killing the internet.

 No.307679

>>307678
so lowbrow lol. time to reboot, you've got a windows 11 update is pending

 No.307990

I hate how everything's hobby-related online has become a dick measuring contest. People can't seem to have genuine interest in things without making it about views, clicks, or money.


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 No.303398[Reply]

The sole purpose of this post is to share the techniques and books I have accumulated over time to achieve relaxation and other things.
I have read about meditation, magic, ceremonial magic, chaotic and postmodern magic, anxiety therapies, and relaxation techniques. This thread is not a cure for all problems. I don't want to turn this into a blogspot, so feel free to ask whatever you want.
>Also
Remember that you can also search for the techniques I mention on the internet, on YouTube, or on WikiHow, where you can find help on how to perform these techniques and more tips.
60 posts and 38 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.307344

>>307343
sometimes i wonder about the power of it- is it from the retention itself (like chi or life force) or is it more of the act of discipline, like training yourself to hold your breath, you become more efficient at using oxygen in your body, you train past the pain (with sex the 'pain' would be that 'itch' drive force that produces urges etc)

Curious how practicitoners here utilize the practice. Do you have any conscious practice around it?

Doing some self-examination here… obviously i'm giving myself signs to quit and give myself a break at the very least to reset my libido… my spirituality has been really out of touch for months

 No.307362

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>>307344
I don't believe in chi or vitalistic ideas and all that stuff because I experiment with what I believe maybe and it seems to be hypnosis, beliefs, and mild altered states of consciousness.
Kinda materialistic approach if you see it like that way.
Maybe nofap, abstinence, and holding back make you more susceptible to suggestions/hypnosis.
Or maybe it opens you up to some kind of magic, I don't know, I have no idea.
Maybe it change something in your head, neurochemicals, i dont know, or maybe its just for discipline or sex control.
>Also
Right now I'm trying the 50-day challenge just to see what it's like. I did it last year, but I never actually had orgasms I just fapped without it. Basically, I was just “gooning” (I think Genesis P-Orridge recommended this method in one of his books or something lol), although there are several authors who replace the no fap no sex with something else that's just as bizarre in its own right related to sexual activity.
I dont know Wizard.

 No.307363

>>307362
that sounds like the eroto-comatose lucidity technique
how long were your sessions and did you reach an altered state of consciousness with them?

 No.307364

>>307363
>that sounds like the eroto-comatose lucidity technique
No, the gooning tech like p o-rridge maybe suggested is just fap without orgasm climax for 50 days or more.
The eroto-comosatose was more into total stimuly of all the senses, never tried it. But i remember reading somewhere that use abstinense to enchance pleasure sense.
>how long were your sessions and did you reach an altered state of consciousness with them?
I know its not the topic of the answer but sometimes i got a lot of focus and visualization just by focusing and feign having sex in my head in my bed. It even enchanced orgasm feeling so maybe the thing of visualization and acting was into it.
In a way is like playing before sex for succubus maybe. The focus exchance the orgasm and pleasure maybe.
In the Tibet the buddhist do something similar but with deities and visual power.

 No.307989

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>>307364
Guys, i was reading, i asked a AI about Semen-retention around 50 days (not Nofap, just semen-retention but same) around neurochemicals and brain etc and the AI cited me interesting articles that i lost now but look like nofap in a way enchance suggestionability based in a production of a neurochemical in head (ignoring the other good effects of taking a good healthy routine in 50 days) in the 50 days
>in 7 days get the peak testoterone (i tested this and i can confirm its true for my experience)

>after 7 maybe, the testoterone to the in a way middle or like Regression toward the mean

>after 14 or 17 days supposed get a light change in brain

>but after 50 days something change in a way reset and some neurochemical improves suggestibility

So… ignoring the Gooning Magical technique or the nofap technique for more pleasure later or even placebos and beliefs/bias, maybe the old pagan Greek philosopher, Chinese taoist/daoist, Roman philosophers, Vitalist, Victorian mages like Papus (this guys say this is the first thing to magic but 40 or 48 days i dont remember), Aleister Crowley and maybe Golden Dawn around abstinence, and Robert Anton Wilson around the secret of sex magic of 50 days in sexual abstinence and other modern ceremonial magicians etc maybe that's the secret
>what?
improves suggestibility based in reset of the brain and production of a neurochemical that improves suggestibility to self-hypnosis or rituals, like RAW book around sexual imprinting we are making a new opportunity to imprint one of the circuits? who knows? like a pavlov dog or a peak or trauma experience?
Maybe the AI have bias or i go full schizo but why no try? maybe its just a placebo but why not try?
>Also
Yeah, this is probably pseudoscience, but as I recall, the AI cited studies mentioned humans and the chemistry of sex, masturbation, and addictions, as well as animal experiments—which doesn’t exactly make it very credible but I still think there’s something odd about ceremonial magicians placing so much emphasis on 40, 48, or 50 days of sexual abstinence. anyone know same practice and days in chinese or oriental magesPost too long. Click here to view the full text.


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 No.307971[Reply]

I know there’s nothing wrong with me. I’m perfect. I’m skinny, kind, and thoughtful. But the isolation from everyone around me has been getting to me. Nobody has ever put effort into me. I changed my style just to receive barely any compliments, then proceeded to get ignored by everyone. No whore has ever thought of me as a man. They’re gross creatures who look at me and think I’m homosexual. I’m not. Just because I look like a slut doesn’t mean I am one. Then I am being secluded for not being manly enough. other male seems to think of me as one of them either, shouldn’t I be given respect from my fellow peers and colleagues?
8 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.307984

>>307974
I’d never be a faggot, my face isn’t masculine enough. I would’ve killed myself if I was gay. That would be retarded to throw away a beautiful face.

 No.307985

that’s so cool, wiz
unfortunately i’m not as genetically blessed as you, even if only my wizmum would see it because i’m a shut-in neet
anyway, fuck what normalfags think of you

 No.307986

>>307973
That’s just how a true gentleman talks.

 No.307987

>>307979
My face isn’t masculine enough. That’s what I ment. Making perfection isn’t easy. It could be something as simple as a drink, it could be perfect but not what you asked for.

 No.307988

>>307985
Thank you, I appreciate your kindness. I’ll just ignore the other retards who think lowly of me.


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 No.307519[Reply]

i'm 37 (soon to be 38). watching as your body degrades in real time is debilitating. earthly life is evil in every aspect.
36 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.307967

>>307962
>I can't muster the energy to make things better for myself, so I'm going to try to bring other guys down by saying that it can't ever get better for them. I will call anyone who disagrees with me a bad-faith normie invader larper while gatekeeping against anyone who isn't mentally a 6 year old succubus
Your honesty is appreciated.

 No.307968

>>307962
im not rly trying to avocate improvement

i also don't think wallowing or self-destruction is the way either

maybe somewhere in between?

… acceptance and peace?

cus i'm with you, fuck trying to improve this; there is a limit and I can feel the threshold. I see it with my own eyes and know it within myself. It's no use.

I suggest abandoning all outdated neurotypical notions of happiness and redefine your own system from within. It's not gonna be the succubus or rising through corporate ladders and getting a nice car and house that does it for you. What even is "it" that you're so miserable about not having/doing/experiencing/feeling?

accept your sentence in this conscious existence. Maybe you're a loser and isolated in the old world you failed at. you failed and didn't you give up???
why are you still using the old system of measuring human success and worthiness and feeling bad about it?

I am getting sick and tired of my self pity.

 No.307970

>>307967
>acting as 13 years old succ
try to meditate

 No.307981

>>307519
>tism schizoid CPTSD suspected by some psychs, didnt stick around for a full diagnosis
>probably adhd
>severe tinnitus
>tendonitis in both hands, fingers, carpal tunnel, "tennis elbow"
>herniated discs in neck, thoracic spine and lumbar spine
>polyneuropathy as a result with frequent numbness
>eczema
>teeth fucked
>gastritis, ibs, hemorrhoids
>mystery liver pain, probably fat-fuck-syndrome

Only at level 30 so far. Wish I could slowly come to terms with the end like >>307521 mentions buddhism, but time and deaths closeness just drives my anxiety further.

I'll be honest and say one of the worst aspects of this is that there isn't anyone I can consider a nemesis or evildoer to avenge my lot or something.
Nobody to hate, can't even hate myself really. I consider myself a victim obviously, however lame and loserlike that is. Well I'm a loser so hey… it's in character.

Really though? I was already set on this path by the time I had any real "free will" or even cognition.
Ironically my first 4 memories are in order (all at age 2-3), me drowning, grandma dying, starving at home alone because my father wouldn't feed me and getting the shit beat out of me.
Further formative experiences ensued of course.
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

 No.307991

>>307967
>There is always an option to improve your situation, things getting so bad it is beyond repair does not happen. All these wizards on /dep/ have the wrong idea and I must inform them.
I can not say I appreciate your honesty. I wish mods would just ban or at least warn posters like this.


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 No.307980[Reply]

Might just be one of the myriad of things from health issues to shit life syndrome, but I've been thinking maybe my small living space is affecting me.

Still live "at home" in a flat with my mom at 30, my room is 2.5m x 5m so 12.5 square meters. (134.549 ft²american)
With all the furniture I have a usable space of about 0.8m x 3m maybe, so less than 3sqm. (25.833 ft²)
Spend all day sitting at my desk anyways so whatever.

Been wondering if maybe this tiny space is part of the reason why I just don't do anything.
Do any of you have experience with living in a small space for a decade+?

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 No.307945[Reply]

I thought that at 44 years old this stuff wouldn't get at me anymore but I was wrong.

All those cute couples rollerblading. Young mothers pushing strollers and smiling. People laughing in the park. People playing soccer in the field. Everyone is so happy, so content with their lot in life. They are so well-adjusted to this life.

People talking in upbeat tones. Groups of people socializing, laughing, smiling.

Everywhere I went today it was like this.
Its amazing how easy life is when you are neurotypical. It's like everything falls into place without much struggle and effort. You are always pre-programmed to get the most out of life without having to do anything special to make it happen.
4 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.307952

That's what you see OUTSIDE

Then there is plenty of people suffering in hospital and prison, terminal patients bedbound, suicidal schizos, animals eaten alive, you just don't get to see them

This is why I miss websites like liveleak because they show the true face of the world

 No.307956

>>307945
>Everyone is so happy, so content with their lot in life.

What i'm hearing is you're not happy with your lot in life.

Are you missing rollerblading or pushing a stroller, or are you missing something that it represents?

Cus something we have to remember is not comparing our happiness to others. We don't have to be well-adjusted to someone else's mold, and our happiness can be a different shape and size and still be enough.

 No.307959

>>307956

Its the capacity to be happy and content that I lack due to my fucked up brain.

It's not depression. Its schizo.

 No.307961

>>307945
This is just a small visible percentage of social reality that mainly consists of well thought out, intentionally demonstrated „personal well being and a competition of showing to others how great and awesome (your) life is“. This is not representative of truth, it is an aspect of one part of reality and it has some biological evolutionary functions and it is not a bad thing per se but it’s not necessary to live a good life. Have you grown up in a family? Have you witnessed neurotypicals being in a bad mood, angry, sad etc.? In my family there was so much dispute and troubles but I always was silent one, the person who witnessed all the problems but never took part in these interactions. But even in public sometimes you can witness the stress and dispute families and other gatherings go through, I'm glad to not be part of that. People in public normally make a good job of hiding all the suffering, the imperfections, the socially incompatible side of life. In fact you can find solace in the insight that you don’t have to pretend, don’t have to act as if everything is great, you don’t have waste an ounce of energy to participate in this showcase of socially acceptable behavior. Mind you, a sub-percentage of the displayed behavior actually is people being happy without having to pretend. But don’t think this is permanent or the usual case. Most normier suffer because they have been part of this percentage of social reality and only then know what it’s like missing that, the work you have to put in to keep it going, the fear of losing touch, the knowledge of how fragile and often times dishonest, artificial, superficial this whole thing is. We have none of those worries. So that’s nice.

 No.307976

>>307956
He would probably be happier being wizuncle but has no one
>>307961
Not really fair because most people here probably grew up in lower socio-economic strata where the people around them were low-functioning e.g. no emotional intelligence


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 No.307210[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

Post here if you don't have enough to say for a new thread, but it's too depressing for the crawl thread.

Previous:
>>306157
233 posts and 24 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.307957

>>307954
well, there's also the social aspect. people (read: normalfags) like to be included, even if they don't care about the activity at all to do it when they're alone. they might go play chess every weekend at a chess club just because they can socialize with their friends but they don't bother to actually study in their off-time. another sense of reward comes from curiosity and exploration, some people will go into caves just to see what's in them or go travel.

wizzies obviously don't get that kind of pleasure from socializing and we're home bodies, so we're only left with the dopamine hit from a sense of progression, dominating others and maybe if you're lucky, an intrinsic sense of curiosity for a subject. a wizzie might learn something just because it makes him feel smart and superior to others, or he might play a stupid idle game just because he wants to see number go up. pleasure from being good at something also gets a lot more amplified if other people recognize it, but wizzie rarely gets a chance to show off his talents.

 No.307963

>>307957
People who are genuinely interested in math are the luckiest SOBs on the planet. It's the perfect hobby. You can do it alone or with a group, it's free, has unlimited application, and it never runs dry.

I want to love math so bad. But you can't force yourself to love anything. It doesn't work that way

 No.307964

>>307963
typically you gravitate towards interest/lifestyle choices that create congruence between your internal/external worlds

so although you don't love math, maybe there's something else calling you?

If math is your only solace and it's not what you love… i think there's just something blocking you from it

 No.307965

>>307963
genuine interest in math is rare. even among the people that are good at math and study it or do it professionally, it's just a thing they have to do to succeed in their career path. genuine interest is when your mind wanders to it by default and it doesn't tire you out and you use every idle moment you have just thinking about it.

i do wonder if you could cultivate this. perhaps by meditating on math until you can reach some kind of perceptual frame where these patterns become incredibly enticing and compelling. by continually meditating on the question "what would it be like if i was obsessed with math" and trying to pin down the actual experience of it. the people that are genuinely interested in math see something that us regular mortals don't and all these tedious mathematical symbols and equations actually serve a purpose, they are useful tools for them that demystify burning questions and reveal deep secrets.

 No.307975

>>307964
I've always felt I should be into any number of things, but I'm not. The sense of intellectual duty/obligation makes it all a chore and dulls inquisitiveness/wonder. I'm supposed to like the idea of life, but I find I don't like life as it is presented to me at all. You don't choose your obsessions or your gifts to see if they line up. Phil Collins doesn't even like music.
>>307965
>i do wonder if you could cultivate this
You'll just hurt yourself doing something that was never meant for you.


[Last 50 Posts]

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 No.306970[Reply]

I've seen this discussed in many threads so I made a thread for it. Many wizzies had had their life destroyed by psychiatric medication be it SSRI's, antipsychotics, benzodiazepines or others. A psych ward stay tends to leave you worse off. Some people get abused in psychiatric institutions. Mentioning you are sad and thinking about suicide to a doctor or nurse can get you forcefully restrained and tranquilised.
I'm suicidal but I avoid any medical help precisely for this reason.
25 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.307646

i think the clinic wants to see me locked up

 No.307834

>>307631
>but no matter how hard i tried online people just don't work to fill my void
I can relate to this. I still prefer being alone to being around normies though.

 No.307859

>>306970
I've read lots into psych stuff this is a fun lecture
https://youtu.be/Af5RSk6Bx-Y

The same thing actually applies for medicine in generally to a degree tbh.

If you look into stuff on your own there is some value to be gotten from it, if you understand what psychiatric disorders are. (Loose collections of symptoms categorized so they can do research on what treatments help them)
No psych drugs are even expected to actually fix anything, they simply lower the metrics in the symptoms.

There are some therapeutic techniques that do have very good improvement rates for certain things in terms of modern psychology, you have to look them up for what specific things you might be diagnosed with though (don't trust it just because a psych told you it, figure it out on your own, ai is helpful.)

Apart from that I greatly prefer jungian depth psychology stuff but hard to find anyone for that probably have to do it on your own.

One of the key things I'm annoyed is never talked about is the idea of transference. It's a per-requisite for most psychological stuff to work in terms of therapy. Depth psychologists talked about it more explicitly, but modern ones talk about it but just more academically.

Basically the precondition for therapy to work is seeing yourself as inferior to the therapist and basically inflating the idea of the therapist and even divinizing them to a degree, this is what lets the therapeutic relationship function and if you aren't willing to do that it will not.
No one ever told me this but I would not have bothered with trying it if I did. In depth psychology they talk about it in terms of as a beginning stage, but one that has to be ended. (Jung specifically says at a certain point more analysis/therapy is harmful). Modern ones don't have that and instead keep people in this perpetual infantile state so they can drain them of money.

Honestly you are better of for the most part trying to write down as best you can your life story, all your psychiatric issues and ask an AI to analyze it, provide differential diagnosis of what it could be. Then look into how to distinguish between those, then when you fPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

 No.307932

>>307859
>they simply lower the metrics in the symptoms
I doubt this, studies often find no or negligable improvement rate in symptoms, most famously certain commonly used antidepressants actually increase suicide rates.

Rest of your post reads like "yeah it's all bullshit but there are a few nuggets here and there".

Your final advice is to diagnose and determine treatment yourself (with AI) which is specifically the role of the doctor or therapist and then seek help from the people who specifically fail to do this.

There is no way you can reasonably be expected to do all this to get help from the psych system, best to avoid it alltogether.

 No.307969

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>>307932
The aim of the treatments is lowering particular metrics, those metrics may not include suicide rates. For things like depression in order to market it as a anti-depression drug you would find some "Depression" metric there are a ton of tests you can take, then they test you before and after treatment and if the metric is lower it "worked". It's not all metrics, it's literally just determining one specific measure like a depression inventor like pic rel.

The purpose of a shrink is not a singular thing. If you are confident to a degree in what your symptoms are associated with there are treatements that don't require a psych (meditation/exercise, etc) and ones that do. Group therapy, specific forms of one on one therapy (schema therapy, cbt) guided exposure stuff, etc.

It is better not to see shrinks as like people with authority or responsibility, but more as tools.
Doing your own exposure therapy for example is hard to do, having a person who is aware of how it works to guide you through it is helpful. If you are aware for your condition certain group therapy procedures results in good outcomes, you can find one in your city to do that.

Doctors should be viewed as tools to be used in treatments, not as competent authorities on their own. If you view them that way they are fine, you just can't offload your own responsibility on to them. If you want to do that as I said I'd suggest depth psychology as they actually deal with that transference concept more directly.


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