/dep/ - Depression

Hello all. Normally, I considered /dep/ to be the saddest board on the Internet. Today I realized I was wrong.

I realized I was wrong when looking up Huntington's Disease videos on Youtube. Huntington's Disease is a genetic, degenerative neurological disorder that attacks motor control functions, leaving victims unable to control their own muscles and confining them to a lifetime of tranquilizers that paralyze them. Or, the disease attacks their brain and turns them into a completely thoughtless carrot.

There is no cure and scientists can only understand the disease by progressively dissecting victims' brains, in almost exactly the way the evil doctor from day of the dead does it. And actually, the description of zombieism from the day of the dead is very similar to Huntingon's Disease.

What is everyones thoughts on leaving a suicide note? Is it necessary for closure for others? A way to get everything off your chest before you ack? Or just a waste of time?

I have been staring at my .60 cent retirement plan, and am not sure if I would just like to go out and just have everyone guessing. Or if its right to leave a note. Most of my family thinks I am useless or lazy. However they have no introspection on that they are the ones who raised me.

What is the average wizard's relationship with religion like? No religious person has ever been able to give me a good argument for why God, if he is out there, is not the most maximally evil being in the universe simply by the virtue of creating suffering when he could have chosen not to. Saying "suffering builds character" and derivatives of is just a manifestation of their stockholm syndrome for this vile entity

>I form the light, and create darkness. I make peace, and create evil. I YHWH do all these things - Isaiah 45:7

I have a horrible mother who criticises me just as much when I do something good as when I do something wrong. I remember having a lot of traumatic experiences with her, and even today she’s still the same. For example, I started being more hygienic and washing my hands before eating, and she started using that habit as a weapon against me. She also criticises me for not going out with my ‘friends’, but when I do leave the house, she keeps insulting me Any advice on how to get free from her? makes me unhappy

The Time God does not forget nor forgive edition. You will do this again.

Previous: >>307210

I have become increasingly depressed at the state of discourse about almost any subject. Look at the opinions of most people and discuss their reasoning with them; they do not really have reasons based on experience or logic. They are just saying things they think are normal to say. They imitate others. They understand the world through memes. Zero actual curiosity or critical thinking skills when it comes to discussion of politics/culture/history/science/art. Everyone just parrots what they think others think. They think in memes. Partly to fit in and achieve social acceptance and partly just monkey see monkey do like a child or animal.

Democracy is a failure because most people have no idea what they are voting for or what the consequences will be. They just follow the cultural memes. The internet has exacerbated this. Most people’s political views or views on the culture are just glorified SIX SEVEN repetitions - people have no good justification for any of the ideas they follow.

It might sound arrogant and supercilious to say these things. I worry that I am not that different and I just copy things sometimes by instinct. Makes me wonder if the self even fucking exists and we are just biological self replicating robots copying things.

Depressing. Enraging.

This thread is for talking about OCD, addictions, or those kinds of disorders that ruined our lives
>So
When I was a kid, I had some pretty OCD-like behavior—I’d touch things and check them over and over until I felt reassured that everything was okay. I also used to walk on my tiptoes, which is a bit autistic, but I eventually stopped doing that (I don’t know if I have autism at this point bacause never did a test, but whatever).
>So what’s up with you?
Well, in my case is limerence (some studies say is co-related to OCD)
>And what’s that like?
Well, imagine a succubi (for some people even can be the other sex you dont like) talks to you and treats you kindly once or twice, and then you start getting way more than just nervous around her because your body starts releasing dopamine, serotonin, and all that shit. And since you don’t know what’s going on, you think you like her or have fallen in love, but its NOT.
really it’s just fucking anxiety toward a “thing.” Because you’re constantly seeking validation in some way—whether for friendship, attention, or love but you have this anxiety that you know is inappropriate, and if you act on it, the feeling of danger gets worse, it’s almost like you’re having a heart attack. and as time pass the thing got worst and worst and you get more obsessive, nerveous and get a peak of anxiety, even start to rumiate or have that thing of limerence (LO) living rent free in your head bacause your brain cant stop thinking about your LO
>What was the worst experience you've ever had?
Even you will end starting to dream with the LO and have happy dreams or nightmares and waking up crying bacause you are getting the peak of anxiety and dopamine,etc sec before waking up. this shit can even ruin friendship.
>Why the hell does this happen?
I don’t know, genetics, anxiety, depression, emotional dependency, low self-steem, negligent parents, love hungry, maybe OCD etc and a whole lot of shit
>You're larping this nonsense
but in my case, it’s not like those internet memes of bitch tumblr succubi where it only happens once and they use like a joke for love or crush
>You're a retard and you fall in love go fuk yourself wizard
No, no it’s happened to me constantly over the Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

I know there’s nothing wrong with me. I’m perfect. I’m skinny, kind, and thoughtful. But the isolation from everyone around me has been getting to me. Nobody has ever put effort into me. I changed my style just to receive barely any compliments, then proceeded to get ignored by everyone. No whore has ever thought of me as a man. They’re gross creatures who look at me and think I’m homosexual. I’m not. Just because I look like a slut doesn’t mean I am one. Then I am being secluded for not being manly enough. other male seems to think of me as one of them either, shouldn’t I be given respect from my fellow peers and colleagues?

I wasted years of my life working and started college late. Last year, I began a degree program in psychology education to see if later I could handle a degree in psychology or become a therapist, and in short it was a disaster. I felt like a damn alien next to my classmates, and I didn’t feel comfortable in class, not with them, not with anything.
This year, I decided to start studying another major focused on the hobbies i love, music related things as hobby. I decided to try music education, and so far everything’s going well, and I even feel comfortable with my classmates, but the social aspect is still killing me.

>What's you cant handle?
>Vocal education
I can't handle vocal training classes I usually freeze up and can't even sing a scale. The strange thing is, I don't know if the teacher plays favorites, but she treats the succubi better, from what I've seen, they've been singing for a while, sing in church choirs around religious things etc, or already have experience with singing and high notes. I don't notice her treating the men the same way or giving them the same attention, and most of the guys haven't practiced singing before. Last time, she told me I don’t sing because I strive too much for perfection i dont believe this is true but this didnt help in anything. I don’t know if she misunderstood me or if she hates me, but I’m not sure if she understands that I can’t control my nerves and i actually told she about this. one day she just told me something in the lines of go to a psychologist bla bla Obviously, I failed her exams. maybe i the problem or she even tried to help much. maybe i will try to change to another teacher next year i dont know.

>Language and music theory problem
The language and music theory classes started a little late, but I love them (with piano classes), and the fun part comes in the later semesters. My only problem is that, because of some university policy, they make us record ourselves and… oh my god, I hate my fucking face. I’ve never liked recording myself, and they even make us record ourselves singing, which is even worse, because I can’t even stand in front of a camera for two seconds without go full into a panic attack of nervers and sadness. i hate mirrors and watching myself in recordings.

I’m seriously thinking about dropping out of this program because I knoPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Would they? I've been thinking.

My mom is already LDAR'ing due to the debt and she's already lost one child, so I think either by suicide or stress she would die. My dad? He didn't seem to care that much when my stepbro died, but I am his firstborn. I don't know really. My little brother would probably just turn into me. That's my only concern. Everyone else, would cry for a day maybe.