>>305228Since 25 its as if the film reel that is my life ran out of film and it just kept spinning and projecting a blank screen.
There was never a sense of urgency for me to "adapt" and get a respectable career once i graduated college. That sense of urgency that grips normies and compels them to achieve, network, form relationships just didn't exist in me. i never gave a shit about other people around me or my reputation etc. My parents divorced when i was 7 and i don't think they actually wanted to have children. Mom was abusive and died, dad is emotionally distant and never seemed to have actively engaged with me to mold and shape me into a functional adult. he just let me do whatever, so i just lazed around and fucked off.
I have this instinctive laziness. I bowed out of any classes that involved math or numbers at all. Got a worthless degree. I'm 35 now and I've been working as an overnight security guard for the past 4 years. I literally do nothing all night for 8 hours. I just sit at a desk. I'm on the clock typing this right now.
I feel like you have to be on some kind of continual, upward trajectory so that by the time you're 30 you're established and at cruising altitude; financially, professionally, socially, and romantically. I did "nothing" all of my 20s.
I enjoy the simple pleasures of life. a cigarette alone at the park, a local pizza, good pilsner, good books, and having peace and quiet without pressure from the world of normies or my family