/dep/ - Depression

The Time God does not forget nor forgive edition. You will do this again.

Previous: >>307210

whenever you're depressed or sad, come here and draw something using Oekaki. you can draw whatever you want

I'm very depressed and I will also develop chaos in my mind so I don't care about everyone anymore and I will destroy everything why should I be a fool who can only blame myself while others can be happy without being able to feel how crazy this world is I will destroy everything and if this world ends and everything is destroyed then I will be a living witness that I am the one who knows how cruel this world is and how unfair all of this is everyone everything everything must have an end if it doesn't end then I will always be in hell or at least be locked up as rotting flesh

I try and try like I really do to be a wizard but unfortunately keep heading into becoming a crab. As someone who can't afford to NEET and will just die on the side of the street if I do so, I have to unfortunately go out into the real world and try to get a job and maintain a "social life".

And that is the worst part about it, I simply don't get it, a friend of mine wanted to meet another friend and he wanted me to go to club with me, now why did I agree? Because I wanted a referral for a job. Apart from that clubs in my country are horrendous for sub-3 men like me because they don't let people like me enter because of "dress code" when in reality you look ugly, short, singly, and the whole nine yards.

I got a referral so that's a good thing if it materialises into a job. But what I saw in club is not something that I have not known but to see it happen it still caught me like a deer in the headlights, basically I knew that this friend of friend is going to be a piece of shit because he is a club-goer.

But when I saw him literally just go up to a bitch and started making out with her continuously then going to the toiled and then coming back, and then actually showing me his Instagram and Snapchat about fucking a succubus 5 times one day, and fucking 10 different succubi in 10 days and sharing nudes on Telegram by starting out with the message "New Pussy around my Dick.".

God bless him for giving me the referral which probably won't materialise into a job but for some reason I wish I never met him, I saw a weird kind of primal expression on the faces of succubi, the man was 6'4 and had a chiseled face. And when I came back home I swear to god, I couldn't drive the car straight. Like I was about to crash 3 times, not because I was driving fast, but I was so pissed and my mind was just thinking about like what the fuck? I had to struggle for every single ounce of thing in life, and there are guys like this who just do what? Fucking exist?

Honestly, at that point years of thinking "I am never going to think about cunts" and months of trying to be a fucking monk only to enter a state of ragebait, I swear to god, when I returned in the night I was awake for a total of 48 hours just raging like a mad man and screaming into the damn mattress. Like what the fuck? How in the blue hell is it so easy for these kind of people? And this guy has cheated on every single cunt who was his GF. And has fucked over 40 succubi litePost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Does anyone else hate his own body? I hate mine so much, I feel uncomfortable in my own body the whole time, it doesn't matter what I'm doing, I feel dirty, sick, detqched from my body. I want to get out of my body.

What is the average wizard's relationship with religion like? No religious person has ever been able to give me a good argument for why God, if he is out there, is not the most maximally evil being in the universe simply by the virtue of creating suffering when he could have chosen not to. Saying "suffering builds character" and derivatives of is just a manifestation of their stockholm syndrome for this vile entity

>I form the light, and create darkness. I make peace, and create evil. I YHWH do all these things - Isaiah 45:7

>even the extrovert normalfags with an excellent social and sexual life are on multiple drugs and getting therapy
I'm absolutely done for, dude. Even my life improves, I'll still just be a monkey to the rest of them. Fuck.

Anyone experienced getting fired from almost all jobs they ever had? I’ve failed at almost everything I ever had and got insulted before. Has anyone expirienced something similar

Does anyone here struggle with alcohol, or have managed to quit?

It used to be a good coping mechanism for me, but it seems the older I've gotten the worse it feels, and it's become detrimental to my health and the way I behave around people. Easily annoyed, constantly starting shit, tired all the time, strange pains. And I was still getting worse, fast.

This has been a wake-up call and I'm realizing I need to quit before it's too late. Though that's easy for me to say now when I'm still feeling bad, and I fear the cravings will come back strong, but I know I've got to try.

Curious to hear others experience with this.

I wasted 12 years of my life being stuck in shitty apartment with my in a third world country
This includes all of my teen hood as well as a bit of my adulthood
After realizing this, I got depressed. I just wish I could have done more things that were more important to me, such as starting out drawing earlier and moving out of that shitty apartment. It just hurt how much time I wasted being terminally ill online while being stuck in hell.
I am not sure how to get over this. I have time. I am 23, but still knowing that my life could have been better in the 2010s and the early 2020s hurts me deeply. I wish I was smarter. I wish my mom was not a lazy whore who constantly smokes and eats, and she sold that fucking apartment earlier so we could find somewhere better for life.