/dep/ - Depression

>>306442
>being an animal is annoying
I hate this view of reality, human beings are very different from animals.
>>306462
>people getting worked up about literally nothing and expecting, demanding you to care
I hate this so much, if you show you don't care, they get worked up even harder.
>>306498
>medieval history
Sounds very interesting. Last time I read history was the life of Augustus in Suetonius' 12 Emperors.
>>306875
I wish I could hang myself in the woods, but i'll have to do it at home.

>I even hate my own body for forcing me to eat and wash in order to not completely dysfunction.
This is why you can't protect your solitude.

One can only achieve exile if one can make themselves ugly and stinky. This is why monks shave their heads and wear rags. As long as you care about your appearance and hygiene someone will always care.

If you want to be a hermit even within society, just stop showering and people will leave you alone.

I'm doing this now. It's for the best. I quite literally have about 100 family members that I used to be in somewhat contact with, but now i shut off as much as possible. 30+ cousins I just dont respond to, of course all the unc/aunties too. I can't handle the stress and judgement and intrusions they force into my life. I can't stand my grandma and older relatives repeating the same questions and stories over and over non stop. Im beetter off online working the least amount of hours possible. Ideally I'll have an apartment of my own soon. The worst part is when these people try to find me at work… very annoying

>>307190
>One can only achieve exile if one can make themselves ugly and stinky.

you'd think this is a valid approach, i did try this.

when i was molested hard by females i stopped brushing my teeth, believing it would make my breath smell so horrible that the succubi leave me alone. this did not really work, i was still swarmed.

dressing as plain as i could, wearing sunglasses everywhere and hiding my long hair did help somewhat but what unfortunately draws the female attention is joy of life, health, connection with source, optimism, lack of corruption. so the only way is to act to be sickly, weak and depressed. basically you can't be happy even though it is easily possible for a human because if you are, females will block your path rugby-style and violently force you to give them attention. they are the worst rapists, they have no concept of consent whatsoever for other people; only for themselves.

Yes I semi-voluntarily cut ties off from society.

In fact, I made it a point to create an almost complete blackout of year 2000 culture and later.

I surrounded myself with pre-1990s, culture only, only listening to obscure Italo-Disco or Japanese music from the 80s.

I stopped listening to radio, stopped watching TV, stopped going to movies.

My only contact with modern culture is what I inadvertantly see when I go outside, indie games and synthwave/juchewave. But synthwave/juchewave is idiosyncratic enough to keep me well-insulated from prevailing culture, so I consider it safe.

If I am at my mother's house, I will leave the room if she starts watching TV. If she mutes the TV, I'll try to look away from the screen.

I block advertising on youtube not merely for the annoyance of advertising but also because it is contemporary cultural rot.

With the exception of my mother, I stopped talking to my family about 20 years ago. I do not have any friends or contacts online.

I do not work. Haven't worked for decades. I have no social circle IRL.

I have the same backpack, clothes from 20 years ago. I wear a cheap casio watch. No cellphone/smartphone.

Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

not wanting to work is valid. labor is a waste of life when the only reward you have for it is a rent shack and some consumerist shallow entertainment like computer games which are all almost exclusively third rate shit these days.

Honestly living in the third world the biggest thing I hate is how much big pieces of shit the people are when it comes to owning cars, my retarded "father" is literally a faggot.

He has a 20 year old car with a timing belt that screams every once a goddamn weak wanting to be changed, but here's the thing the moron actually believes it's a good sign. While driving in the rains and in slight puddles, water wasn't even enough to touch the exhaust of the car, let alone get in the intake the car was struggling. Some cylinders weren't firing cause the belt was slipping causing some issues with the electrical system and engine was jerking and the moron looks at me and tells me it's happening because I don't know how to dump the clutch.

And he actually started shouting at me as if abusing me growing up wasn't enough, the way some people treat their cars is unbelievable, now if I go to this moron and tell him that a 300 rupee timing belt is way cheaper compared to a 30000 rupees engine-work, the moron just goes ahead ands says "I have been driving for decades, what do you know? If the belt had to snap it would've snapped way earlier but it didn't which means it's still good, and you don't know a damn thing about cars".

Words do not describe how much I truly hate faggots like him, he clearly had the money to buy a car two decades ago when he did, and this is how he treats it, while as someone who is unemployed my entire life-goal is to buy a car, believe it or not where I live Toyota Camry is practically a luxury car. If you were to ask me why I haven't killed myself and that is solely because I want to buy a good car. Not that I will ever be able to, but gotta love that faggot, ruined the complete cheap little Hyundai car that he bought. There is nothing else that I would like in my life then to beat the absolute living crap out of this idiot, but here we are. I truly, from the bottom of my heart hate my father. And most normies in my country keep cars like he does, well actually not most but this idiot certainly does.

I do understand it's not very wiz like to engage in consumerism and pleasures like owning something made out of rubber, glass, and metal. But the thing is I hate my life, not because normies said so but I do.

I feel like I am doing everything and nothing to get out of the position that I am in. But god do I really REALLY HATE MY FUCKING FATHER.

>>307223
I've almost always hated summer (well, the sun really) as it's antithetical to my life. It implies happiness and good things and I'm not that and have none - very edgy and contrarian, wow.

>>307586
I am so sorry you got a father somewhat similar to my father.

Mine though my attemt to hug him was actually a bad sign so from that day, I am no more the person I used to be. Sometimes I think it was some really weird incident that involved (w)hacking reality just to made me suffer.

>>307388
>People around me seem to articulate their thoughts and emotions quite well.

I notice this too and it bugs me but if they've had contexts where they've actually been allowed to articulate their inner thoughts and those thoughts were accepted it makes complete sense they can and we can't.

Also, if they've been in those contexts often, then the thoughts they experience are themselves going to be more boilerplate and template-y and more acceptable, ergo things compound and they retain a relatable baseline.

This is probably not unlike learning an artistic skill and developing a shorthand or visual library, only it's made up of thoughts and feelings which coalesce in the middle of a sort of experiential Venn diagram of normalness.

Imagine normalguy 1a) tells normalgirl 2b) his dog died. This is a very socially acceptable and workable problem for normalgirl; express condolences, relate with when my_dog died, both parties feel good having their own internal world and experiences reflected back through the other. Instead, let's say weirdguy 3c) tries relaying his feelings of deep-seated alienation and melancholy to either of the above parties — it won't work, for obvious reasons.

Isolation is like quicksand, the further down the sinkhole you are the more alien and twisted your thoughts and experiences become, making it progressively harder to relate to people or get yourself out of it, so you get more lonely and the process loops.

Today at work the door was left open to the office and I heard people outside laughing and having fun, and I got pissed off and jealous; pissed off with myself for being such a broken wreck of a person, hating myself and being incongruent with everything, and jealous of the fun they were having. Could anyone there relate to that? Unlikely, and they'd probably think I'm a bad, strange little man for experiencing an overwhelmingly good thing like laughter with scrouge-like despondency.

It'd be almost impossible for me to articulate this to anyone so I don't. My thoughts and emotions are too maladapted to be shared but like any person I *want* to share them, to have my experiences validated by another fleshy meat bag, but no good can come of it, so I don't. The good news is it only takes one slightly embodied and seemingly genuine human-to-humanPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

anger issues are really fucked up, i personally dislike being near people like that. this is likely hormonal so consult your therapist maybe it can be fixed even.

Ever tried a rage room?

lol did you abuse drugs as a kid?

>>307567
tried to only got prescribed ssri's
>>307571
no
>>307572
no

Sounds incredibly annoying. I hear voices and sometimes they get aggressive, this just makes me not want to be here anymore. If things aren't going to be comfy and I must listen to this bullshit I'd rather hang myself.
Maybe to solve your problem you have to learn the trick of "not taking things personally", "controlling your emotions"?

I tied a slipknot with only 3 tries this time so that's something. Wish me luck wizzies.

>>307215
I'm not saying you should kill the boomer, but wouldn't at least killing him before killing yourself make more sense?

What knot is best for suicide?

I just wanna fall asleep in a cold dark room and not wake up or literally disappear from reality

>>307548
any is good if it holds
>>307570
you still care how you die

You can't really. It becomes a hard thing because when you're mentally ill you pretty much only attract people that are either mentally ill, looking to exploit you or who wish to feel powerful through treating you with an interpersonal contempt. It's like with relationships, ugly people pair off with ugly people, poor people with poor people, people with social deficiencies pair off with those with social deficiencies. If there's a variation and you're not at the level of your "partner", it's almost universally exploitative.

This is the thing about socialization with mentally ill wizzies, it's not that socialization is bad, it's that at the bottom level it's bad. It's like wagecuck jobs, the lower level is terrible.

You have to have some discernment about people's true intentions, don't ever mention your personal problems to anyone (ever), and scatter your shot wide to find some mutual connections.

Find a hobby. Engage with that hobby's community. Contribute to it.

Stay the fuck away from "community for depressed NEET losers lain sadboys Discorder outcasts rejected by normie society" type places. Everybody in them is a troll who wants to make you kill yourself.

realistically what you really crave is just validation. connection is when you're validated by another person's existence because they share your world view or identity. that's difficult for wizardly types because we are more unique and less conformist than others, so it's difficult to find and meet such people.

>>307582
this is a good impersonal way of getting validation that might work for wizardly types. do something valuable, provide a service to a community of people and receive good feedback for it. you have to find a community that isn't completely anonymous and where content isn't transient, so that your contributions can compound and you increase the chance of your work being recognized by others.

i spent a good part of my teenage years just answering people's questions on tech forums and it was actually quite a good source of validation. even though i never made any "friends" in a traditional sense, helping people out with their questions and problems was rewarding for its own sake.

there's tons of ways of getting positive feedback from other people. probably easier than ever now that you have the internet. you just have to put yourself out there, create something interesting, help other people, provide interesting opinions and "takes" that mirror what people are already thinking about etc.

>>307582
>Engage with that hobby's community. Contribute to it.
lmao

>>307573
>my body is rekt
what's wrong?

>>307524
>>307573
Good and evil are human constructs. There's no morality independent of mind.

>>307575
Torturing consciousness is a replicable, scientifically demonstrable, evil deed

>>307575
Go back to reddit, godless abomination.

>>307576
>Torturing consciousness
No such thing. Plenty of wizards happily.

>science
A human construct based on blind faith in axioms.

>>307578
Lol

>>306125
>it wasn't fun like I thought it was
after your NEET days are over and if you don't have a comfortable job then it's truly is the end.

>>307493
>Very few autists enjoy life in the modern world.
Was it any better in the past? Genuine question.

>>307549
Fewer autists existed in the past.

>>307518
absolutely this. waging is soulless. so many stuff i'd like to do but come weekends i just play games and sleep because i have no willpower left for anything

>>307568
>so many stuff
so much

>>306619
Being outside is excellent for meditation. I actually like to vary my spots. What is your favorite?

WAVING GOODBYE WAVING GOODBYE WAVING GOODBYE WAVING GOODBYE WAVING GOODBYE WAVING GOODBYE

WITH SOARING EYES

>>306994
under large remote trees is a spot i enjoy for meditating.

its not that bad. i only ever lurked here so im not totally sure what wiz attitudes towards substances are. why not try lsd and meditate on your experiences? read into buddhist practices and be cool.

>>304017
Are you Christian?

>>306545
You've reflected on this at least. Most normans just default to "NOTHING WRONG WITH IT!! IT'S HEALTHY ACTUALLY!!" in defense. In reality, it is a very potent coping mechanism for most of us. We're animals that have a biological imperative to procreate, rubbing one out helps calm down the lizard brain. Even if you are a wizard and have no interest in succubi, those urges are still going to arise until your libido naturally fades with age. I don't think there's anything particularly shameful of taking care of it and going on about your day. If it's what you need to do until you can figure out a long term solution for your anxiety, go for it I say. Some might want to do it less for various reasons and that's fine too. I'm in my late 20s and noticed that the drive has lessened a lot for me, perhaps mainly because the negative feelings (anxiety, frustration, boredom) like those you describe have also sort of faded as I got older.

I'm a wizard in the first place because I'm not interested in anything sexually except inflation. I don't understand how my brain got attached to it, but here we are. I was into that stuff since I was five, but back then it was more fascinating than anything.
Anyway, I definitely don't relate to other people who have this "slippery slope" of being interested in progressively more deprived kinks. In my entire life, I never jerked off to anything but inflation. Regular porn scenes do nothing for me. 2D stuff is also uninteresting.
I wish my brain was normal, but then again, I'm glad I'm that way in some ways. I just have a laser focus for one thing and one thing only, and it's something one and done for me. I don't goon for hours or do search something shameful because I only care about my kink. I'm autistic in that regard. You can show me the best hentai there is and I'll just shrug and go back to my DA tier shit.

Be careful…

>>307541
>le cunny 'p from the 'cord is le same as BLVCKED BVLL GVPE
Soyjak niggerbrain

>>307542
What an impertinent question.

>>307543
what a rude comment

>>307439
That sounds lonely, but I feel you're not actually finding comfort in that solitude of yours. I do not know what is causing you discomfort, I feel you wanna talk to someone, connect a bit. Do you?

>>307542
Yes, I absolutely see zero reason to stay in this place.
I feel like my body is a parasite leeching off the real me trying to trick me into keeping it alive.
I think there is an afterlife, but if there's nothing this bullshit is over too, either way suicide is win-win.

>>307546
come on man, don't say foolishness.
suffering is great it gives to life a fine taste.