/dep/ - Depression

>>217608
Jesus has chosen for you to suffer in this fashion as a spiritually redeeming experience. If you kill yourself over poverty, you won't go to heaven.

Real talk: You're right.

>>217623
>He has chosen me to suffer.
Seems like a god I want to worship. Why couldn't he just make me live in a 2D isekai power fantasy instead.

How to do tourniquet method during sleep ? I am in lockdown and can't go outside. Want to die by strangulation from tourniquet method . Any video or tips would he appreciated please

>>217629
you can't strangle yourself in your sleep, you'll subconsciously undo whatever is around your neck

>>217630
https://www.researchgate.net/figure/Tourniquet-method-case-1_fig1_38078596

But people succeed doing this . I have no option due to lockdown any other method

>>217617
I would skip at least one day of school each week and get away with it many times, I had a lot of unexcused absences and was never kicked out and graduated which was weird.

in elementary and middle school I would constantly go to the doctor's office and tell them I felt like barfing so they would call my dad and he would take me home, I started to develop anxiety around 8th grade and I started to get afraid to talk to the nurse so I stopped. In high school I just started walking out of school in plain sight and no one stopped me, if anyone asked I'd lie and say I was getting a book from my car (didn't have a car), then I'd take the 2 hour walk back home, most of the time I got home about the same time I wouldve if I had just went to class and took the school bus home but it didn't matter to me, I'd rather walk hours through town than sit in school and possibly have to talk with other people, I was actually so quiet and grey that teachers never seemed to notice I was missing from class as I would hardly ever get marked absent when I didn't attend. By the time I was in 11th grade I was just a ghost, no one noticed me, no one cared, I'd just drift through people and they wouldn't think twice

Best part about going to school in a 3rd world country is that no one gives a shit if actually you go to school or not. Teachers don't care because they have an abysmally low wage and are actually glad that they have one less snotty brat to look after, the principal is too busy being a corrupt piece of shit and stealing the school's money, parents turn off their brains and watch tv after working for 12 hours, so their offspring is the last thing on their minds.
Whenever I didn't feel like being in school I'd play on the playground nearby with whoever else was skipping classes. Good times.

During intermediate school (The 2 year school between Elementary and High school) I would take off 2 days a week. Without failure. The extreme change in everything overloaded my autism and no one took me seriously. I would stay home or if I was forced to go to school I would climb over the fence and stay in some random persons backyard for the rest of the school day. In hindsight, what a retarded idea that was. I'm so glad I didn't run into any dogs doing that

>>217624
MODS

>>217590
Learn programming then code "Serving Simulator", a mobile game based on your current job. Collect microtransactionbux from bored succubi spending quarantine on their Iphones. Seems trivial desu.

>>217590
it gives you an illusion of stability and *some*potential for mobility in your job. But if you are making good money now, just save your cash and start investing.

>>217591
It'll sink down to the bottom of search results and will never appear in recommendations.
I'll waste dozens of hours on learning new language and writing the game all for nothing.

>>217598
Then write a virus instead. If they won't give you money, just take it. Payback for the time they took from you. Have the virus install Diner Dash on their machine for lulz.

>>217590
If you don't actually like doing it, it's hell. I'm surprised you can't get a job with that degree because it was easier, but I guess the bottom has fallen out of the programming field.

Browse wizchan and either shit out posts about myself, or read over my old ones to see if anyone has replied to them, which itself usually doesn't happen. Checking wizchan is very often the first thing I do when waking up and it's a pretty horrible way to start the day since it almost always makes me fucking miserable by doing so, since nobody gives a shit, it's all a fucking joke that everyone one is in on except me and everybody hates each other.

Past that, I force myself to play and cross off video games on my backlog. I'd say out of an entire week, I can manage to do this for 4-5 days out of said week. My gaming sessions also usually last about 3-6 hours, or even a little more, depending on how good/boring the game is, or when fatigue starts to set in. I cling to gaming as a way to kill time and as a self-convinced form of continuity and progress. If I'm being honest, if killing time wasn't an issue and I didn't give a shit about my backlog, I'd probably never pick up a game again, or at least only the ones which really, really stand out to me. I envy wizzies who actually do have this stance when it comes to gaming, but I bet it's easy for most of them, since they probably have something else to occupy themselves with.

Failing gaming, there's saving porn to my porn vault and edging for 1-3 hours, if I can manage it. Simply rubbing one out just doesn't feel satisfying at all. Long edging sessions are pretty much the only thing which make masturbation still somewhat stimulating.

Then there's naps. I get tired far more easily these days, so I tend to sleep/nap once or twice at some point for like an hour or so.

I also sometimes read manga, but usually only the sort of stuff that just makes me want to fucking curl up and die, like Strongest Man Kurosawa, or Goodnight Punpun. I tried reading Vinland Saga recently, but meh. It just didn't grab me. Vikings were a pack of vile, looting savages anyway. Fuck them. Pretty much the only somewhat non-depressive manga I've read is Berserk, since it's basically just a shonen past a certain point.

Anime/films are pretty much a no go. I could very easily watch tons of shows and make that my new hobby, but my autism prevents this. It's very frustrating.

I also have no websites I browse and I have nothing I want to watch on YouTube. This mostly stems from the fact that nothing interests me and that I get easily annoyed at places Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>217599
To be quite honest there isn't much to reply to this because they're well drawn out and inherently conclusive. I assume that's the case with your other replies too.

Only cuckchanners crave for (you)s and post the most shittest thing they can to get them.

>>217599

Scrolling up and down. I've already read this post I just wrote like 6 times over already. I just re-read my own shit. Either that or hop between the boards and am met with a bunch of threads I either have hidden, or that I have nothing to say in. Yet I keep scrolling up and down, up and down, switch to another board, scroll up and down, re-read old post, switch to another board, scroll up and down, find old thread from 5 months ago, re-read old posts, switch to another board, scroll up and down, refresh page, switch, scroll, refresh, scroll, switch, switch, refresh, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll into the bottom repeatedly since I get that zoned out. Finally just stare and do nothing and feel the abyssal emptiness of it all. Even when I get up to take a shit, or have a nap, or whatever else. I'll come back and scroll up and down, refresh the page, switch boards, re-read old posts, scroll up and down, switch boards, refresh, refresh, refresh. And then, every now and again, I post. Just part of the cycle. I'm lost no matter what I do. This is digital purgatory.

>>217599
>Again, I envy LARPing/daywalker wizzies who can browse the greater internet without issue and have things they actually want to look up and probably also have secret Discord, IRC, or Steam group connections which frees them from being solely trapped on wizchan, like me.

I feel nothing about those posters, nor envy neither hatred. That's mainly because I became very apathetic to everything. But logically if I think about these posters the appropiate emotion to them is hatred. They are the reason why every board here except /dep/ is too obnoxious for me to read through the threads. /dep/ isn't great neither but not every thread degrades into the same old tru wiz/ crab discussion and all in all the content is more relatable. Yet I probably also would hate this place if I wasn't so apathetic. There is just nothing else to do really.

>>217600
i suppose the main point of (you)s is too feel like someone else cares/understands more than it is pointless narcissism

This thread reeks of LARPing tru wizzes.

i think the anhaedonia comes from the years of unhappiness and childhood trauma and it's just reached its zenith
>>217557
i don't masturbate, play video games, and i hate eating
none of them give me pleasure and i basically just lurk, try and watch lectures or some other psuedointellectual meme, or think
>>217559
>>217560
basic algebra stuff on khan academy is satisfying and fun, if not a tad too easy
>>217571
i suppose i'll give this a try

>>217595
at least nobody's using terms like "mage" or "warlock"

>>217584
Alright I hope I last at least 1 day.
This torture is going to start once I go to sleep right now.

Cigarettes and Alcohol. Both of these stopped being fun a long time ago but I still indulge. I keep telling myself I'm not addicted and that I can stop whenever I want but I'm just lying to myself.
Food, too, I eat way too much junk. At least food makes me happy for a bit unlike cogs and booze tho.

Guns and since Corona some on Gas masks and Filters

>>217561
Same.
I bought a springfield XD and an AK47.

>>216995
>it set me back $125 and i sort of regret it because i hate consuming.
I feel the same. It's shameful throwing money around so much, unless it's something I really like and respect.
>i like that azusa might be a bit racist
I don't.

>>217585
>I don't.
i mean i don't actually either i'm joking

>>217536
"Slip and fall school"
laughed
Is your uncle's nose a natural canopy as well?

>>217352
>How is Corona Virus/Covid 19 pandemic making your life worse?
The price of computer hardware like GPUs is increasing. I wanted to build a new PC sometime this year but looks like I will have to postpone that.
My parents are both working from home and constantly arguing with eachother. It's really interfering with my masturbatory regime. I don't have a lock on my door and my mother just barges in whenever she feels like it. The anxiety of her entering is ruining the experience. And masturbating in the shower is just awful. I need to either lie down or be reclined in a chair.
This covid nonsense is really breaking my balls.

Uncertainty about wrestling weekly shows after WrestleMania (although I can watch some stuff like Cruiserweight Classics and old footage). I had to stop OCRing images and putting characters into Google Translate since parents can barge in and some of those are from hentai titles. End of morning/afternoon fap routine, beginning of late night mode. Weekly WWE are coming from Performance Center with some recaps from previous years, meaning lesser screenshots. I have only about 500 images to checc on my smartphone. Due to quarantine though I can checc anime episodes while my parents are at home with a much lesser risk of them giving me anxiety by telling me about becoming a wageslave.

>>217534
Care to explain your reasoning?

>>217472
Kek, will you try and lock him up again?

You may need stronger tape..

>>217607
>Care to explain
nah

>>217544
He said what anyone can see, however.

>>217543
vegetarian makes you feel like shit though.
lots of non-pork red meat, fosh, and fruit makes me feel good though.

>>217543
I have never noticed any effect from including or excluding various things from my diet, apart from the obvious that the 100% junk food diet made me feel a bit worse than usual.

OP here, i also wonder how my addiction to sweets and garbage food destroy my stomach. I've been trying to stop this a hundred times but failed, one of my addictions i picked up is that for years i ate 1 sweet thing/chips/etc almost daily. I've held out a few days, then yesterday i lost control a bit and ate something, just 3 squares of a chocolate bar, some chips and pepsi, Today i noticed a bit of rose color mucus with my shit, so maybe i've been doing it for a day too long. I wonder what it's destroying inside me. Well, all i had to do was not eat shitty food, that used to be the only symptom, some stomach unrest or pain, whenever i ate it. but now i probably fucked something up for real.

>>214568
that's bullshit, I need meeds. I've been to the psych ward, I belong there

>>214576
>What is making him say that you should be on anti-psychotics? Why are you rejecting them?

I am severely depressed and have had mood swings for years. I am suicidal. I am unresponsive to anti-depressants apparently. Mirtazapine does help me with eating and insomnia, my doc says it is not working. I've been psychotic too before, multiple times. And I am 25. Doctor might think I could be on prodormal phase of schizophrenia but doctors don't tell their patients this.

I don't like anti-psychotics because they make me feel bad. I've on quetiapine, dogmatil,and others I don't remember. I was given anti-psychs by injection when I was in the psych hospital. I hate anti-psychs.

Consider yourselves luckier you never received concussions, & never need to buy/use insulin, & never need to buy/drink psychiatric medicines.
t. concussed obese insomniac type-1-diabetic mentally-ill person

>>214567
> We have a good relationship, he right away tells me I am his most annoying/difficult patient.
He's renowned for a reason, he's got you thinking he cares about you and you're special

>>217597
I will say this to every person I meet from now on to make them think they're special. What are the expected resulsts?

>>216659
Would you like to try that post again?

I'm not the OP. I think I'm still uselessly alive because [my own country] still has notoriously porous borders/airports & still importing (((more illegal aliens/recruiters))) & (((more alien/people smugglers))) from (((all other countries))).

>>216605
I'm 26
>>216630
>Just do whatever you want
I can't say I necessarily disagree with your outlook or see myself as owing some great debt to society, but I don't know how to do anything except the things I currently do. My only activities in life are try to find something on the computer to zone out, and go for walks around my neighborhood.I don't enjoy this life but I have no idea how to do anything else and don't have the willpower for suicide (I tried before and couldn't pull the trigger).

When I was younger I used to look at characters in movies or anime or whatever and imagine that someday I would finish school, and automatically grow up and become a person like that with a place in the world, but instead I'm just sitting here everyday. In stories the characters always have goals and obstacles to overcome but I don't really have either. I just wake up and my goal is to entertain myself with the computer all day then go to bed and repeat.

I'm still alive because I can't kill myself yet. I don't hope for things to get better. I don't hope for anything. I've lost but I still can enjoy certain things. That's all that I live for, to enjoy those things.
If I suffer another nervous breakdown I will probably recover from it if I can… I don't want to die at this moment but I also don't care about living. There's no point and I should really end it but I don't feel like doing it now. I can't really say that I won't do it. Maybe one day I will.