/dep/ - Depression

new internet of over 10 yrs now… is it me or there is nothing left to talk about?

Starting a new anti-suicide general as the original has been bump-locked.

Helping wizards to understand that persuasive feelings of suicide can be bested.

Further the discursive spirit of this thread will remain the same as the first: to counter the general luring tenor of sadness that defines all the other threads through sharing positive practical advice purposed to reducing suicidal behavior even when we feel most suicidal. Naturally, being that I started the topic, I will be the first to contribute.

(1) Know that I care about you guys deeply and sincerely. Call me a faggot, I don't care (many have already done this, to no worthwhile avail)
(2) Examine what you are eating. For example, gluten especially produces depressive/psychotic episodes in sensitive autistic individuals. Sugar also is not healthy for your brain. Delimiting ingestion of both is wise.
(3) Make sure you are getting sufficient sleep. Chronic sleeplessness or even a few days' worth of irregular sleep can seriously interfere with the clarity of our thinking.
(4) Clean up. Taking a warm shower and putting on fresh clean clothes always is refreshing and helps to break up darkened mental habits.
(5) Breathe fresh air. Open whichever windows punctuate your room and allow some wind to come in.
(6) Watch your breathing. When we are panicked, our breathing can become very disordered and we do not recognize the effect this has on our thinking. Take deep, purposeful breaths, and collect your thoughts.
(7) Respect yourself. You have done your best to survive in an awful world, and you should grant yourself forgiveness for any mistakes and the allowance to rest with a composed and balanced mind.

I've done my part. Anyone else?

I'm almost 40. growing up in the 90s I hung around with the neighborhood kids on the streets, just like those nostalgia slop memes. I was stuck in school hours a day with peers for 20 years. joined clubs, sports, after school activities. converted to catholicism, went to church. went to meetups. I must have had 100s of 1000s of interactions over my lifetime. but interactions is the strongest word I can use, as it never got any deeper than that.

its like there is nothing i can say or do, no combo of words, that can make another human being like me. its like sometimes i think im having a good conversation, back in schooldays or some organized event. But no one would ever want to spend 5 minutes casually hanging out with me in a unforced manner. I never got invited to a single event, except 1 2nd grade birthday party where all the boys in class got invited.

even on the internet, where im just text on a screen, and my looks and mannerisms can't screw me, i still never had an online friend.

idk what i do so wrong. as a boy i was into action figures, heroes, toys, like the most normie boys stuff. yeah my interests got weirder and more esoteric as an adult. but the fact that HOI4 is one of the top games on steam shows its not that aspie.

it just seems to happen so naturally for everyone else in the world. even other weirdo nerds play DnD together. like just having 1 male friend is as impossible for me as getting a gf is for a crab.

My shitty genetics paired with me being constantly ridiculued due to subhumanity made me a retarded chud beyond repair. I'm a foid-repulsive khhv hikikomori failed lltn with no access to copes cuz everything has been just boring, liveless, draining and painful to me. I can't feel any sensation besides the mental life trajectory of a fucking raped dog. I don't remember the last time I wasn't severely defeated and depressed. If a Storm Trooper came to my house and sent me to a Concentration Camp, I'd thank him. I don't have the balls to end this misery.

The imposition edition. How many times have you done this? Previous https://wizchan.org/dep/res/303254+50.html

This is the classic "suicide general", where we discuss methods and say farewell to our fellow wizards, quite different from that other thread in the catalog.

I'm currently 26, almost 27 (rings a bell?). And I can't take it anymore. I will soon depart from life through hanging. I haven't done it yet because I live in a shithole and there are always people around making noise and being nosy. I will just wait till it's very quiet so I can go to the woods and end this miserable existence.

I don't care if it might "get better". Existence itself is a curse and we're all gonna die anyway. I've read enough pessimist books and life affirming books and I side with the former. I don't need your compansion, because the thought that I will soon disappear is the only thing that makes me happy. I'm not even sad because of this.

It's Saturday night and I started taking a new antidepressant called Mirtazapine (15mg) on Thursday night.

This is my 10th or so attempt at a psychiatric medication. I've tried lots of therapy too.

Wish me luck anonymages. I was about to quit my job but watched some motivational videos on autoplay on Youtube for hours and as cheesy as it was, they convinced me to give this a go.

I didn't even get these prescribed recently. It was way back last year and then I just didn't take them because this particular medicine has a reputation for making people really fatigued.

It does put me to sleep. But, maybe that's ok. If it means I can find some happening apart from fapping and dreaming while I sleep.

Maybe it'll even help me turnaround my fortunes at work where it looks like I'm sliding towards a firing or just being unable to come in. Barely stopped myself raging at my boss the other day and took 2 weeks sick leave from stress afterwards. I need to swallow some humble pie come Monday and hopefully these pills help. Being off work for 2 weeks showed me I'm just as miserable and actually more so depressed, anxious and stressed not working despite all the antiwork slogans I collect.

>Were you emotionally neglected as a child?
I wonder if this led me to become who I am now, at least in social settings.
I have no idea if I suffered from this, although I remember times when I was told not to cry, or I got used to not crying over silly things that perhaps maybe weren't silly for a child.
I read those internet ads about caring for parents and children, and they recommended hugs, affection, and not denying children's pain and suffering, and that the best thing is to get it off the emotions of their chest or body.
but if this doesn't happen, then they build up a shell, armor, or something like that because they mask or hide these emotions automatically out of pure habit and training. and later they will have trouble releasing their emotions from their bodies. Babies and toddlers do this naturally when they cry.
>Also
I can't remember the last time I cried with all my might or something like that.
I wonder if this led me to be the way I am now, at least in a social way. I wonder if I can treat it. I read from an anon that some of these things can only be treated with love. But the truth is confusing.
Maybe my brain is already like this, although I read that the brain can change, as can one's habits and feelings.

Does any of you get irritated with family gatherings or when guests come to visit you in your family's house?
I am 24 years old, little to not school education, no job, whenever I am with some relatives or in some family gathering I can sense how much they look down at me for being a massive loser, even if they almost never express it directly at all, since I was a child I would always be asked by them questions like "how are you doing in school?" or "are you getting any good grades" Of course they no longer ask me such question, But I still feel a lot of shame when I am around them, I try to avoid sitting with them like the plague

>even the extrovert normalfags with an excellent social and sexual life are on multiple drugs and getting therapy
I'm absolutely done for, dude. Even my life improves, I'll still just be a monkey to the rest of them. Fuck.