/dep/ - Depression

the oekaki thing glitched out on me so i couldnt finish

cleaned it up at least

>>309400
i think i will participate more in these threads in the future

you need to take your meds what you're saying makes no sense.

Turn the other cheek or something.

>>309395
How does it not make sense? Its literally the plot of Amadeus.

>quit alcohol
>now have major cravings for sugar/caffeine to fill the void
At least that's not as bad I guess?

>>309345
Felt the same for a few months. It's OK to focus on junk rather than poison, but just for a while. Careful not to overindulge. The stimuli are mild at best and the crashes are shitty.

>>309345
Try carbonated water instead

>>309345
Caffeine is poison, but sugar is the body's optimal energy source. You should respect your body's desire for sugar.

>>309389
This is only like 10% true. Careful with sugar.

I plan on hanging myself soon. Last days I have been thinking about life, and I see now that people are ruled by what they think is true, all their behavior depends on it, including everyday things.

I'm losing my grandpa to dementia right now and it hurts so much to see. He's never gonna get better again. I wish God would take him already instead of letting him suffer so much every day.

So I managed to earn some money (enough to buy a few laughs) and my parents forced me spend it on something I don't care about, but they do. From my point of view it looks like some kind of a comedy, I can't explain this ironic satisfaction I feel. It's like saying to demiurge, hey did you really think this would work on me? Hahahaha. Not hoping pays off, wizbros.

crazy (funny?) to wake up in the early morning with the exact same ruminations, problems and insecurities i had 11 years ago. and ive tried to solve them, tried to mediate them in some way, albeit slowly, but it just doesnt work. it always comes back, i can never get away from that particular subset of grief, its always there. i wish i was someone else. cant believe i let that waste my life.

>>309392
I used to think you can meditate things away, but apparently the role of cognition is infinitely small in humans. To fix whatever problem you have, you must fix your environment, meditation is only useful for finding a way to do that and even then not that much useful after all. I know it's counterintuitive for a consciousness to be told it's almost useless, but that's just how it is. All of this jerking off to intelligence normies have been doing for centuries and centuries is just that, jerking off. Intellect isn't worth much at the end of the day.

>>306449
I hate god for making my life shit

>>309349
How is it God's fault and not your own? You better at least have a debilitating genetic disease to be leveraging such complaints against the almighty.

>>309364
This entire planet, everything on it, is God's "fault".

>>309365
so you deny any responsibility for anything that you do?

I have a massive amount of cousins, about 50+ that are somewhat involved in my parents sphere of gossip. Perhaps another 50+ if you consider ones we don't know of. I get it all the damn time. One of them is a teenager and has landed some type of mega roll, basically small time celebrity and my parents berate me for not being this flamboyant actor. Same goes for the few who have managed to get married, they want me to talk to the succubi at work that are clearly on a working visa just to get married. They don't care I have no interest, they don't care that those succubi would leech all the wealth imaginable out of me and my parents.

A 16 year old female cousin got pregnant by some street gangster boyfriend of hers that dipped. My parents tell me: "YOURE 30 AND CANT HAVE KIDS BUT SHE CAN?" As if that means anything, as if it's even comparable. Again I don't want kids or anything like that but they don't want to hear it.

All the other cousins just make snarky remarks to me and try to troll me. I'm literally just a lolcow for them. Ive had them ring my work telling lies about me, trying to get me fired. Police called on me etc.. Keep in mind I've done NOTHING wrong, no outbursts or anything, just a weird loner type. Yet they deem me worthy of this abuse. I have 2 uncles who are rapists and pimped their own mother out, yet you can't say anything negative about them. I don't get it.

I just want to be alone and I've happily cut them all out. It's just hard to manage as they gossip to my parents often, I like my parents but when they are gone I will truly be able to have some peace and cut off the entire family.

no, this sounds very annoying

>>309372
It's the same with me, most of my cousins belittle me and try to give me patronising advice, I also live with abusive parents, and I live in third world, I am so crushingly lonely that it's extremely hard to go by daily life at this point, and of course being poor doesn't help as well. I will say this though if I was a normie and if I was ever going to have kids, I would never ever have a son and would rather have a female child because females never lose in this world.

A lot of cousins also give me phony referrals at jobs which never get me anywhere and one of them was literally interviewing me in the sense, he was trying to belittle me on the dining table in front of everyone mocking my lack of knowledge, fuck this planet man.

>>309372
I hate it when succubi think men and succubi have it just as easy when it comes to reproduction chances. Any further conversation with them is futile.

>>309370
I am the eldest child within both my immediate, and extended family. As such, I have never had a close relationship with any of my cousins. Still being children, they lack the cognitive powers to place me mentally within the broader social hierarchy, or to single out behaviors and mannerisms that I display that depart from the norm. In some way I do fear the prospect of their ascension into adulthood. Family gatherings are uncomfortable enough as it is at this current moment without being surrounded not only be grown adults but adolescent youths. Oh well, there is still another ten or so years left until they will be there.

After NEETing for almost a decade, I finally had to get a job to avoid homelessness. After about a month of applying and lying through my teeth, I managed to get a one at supermarket. I've been working there for 6 months at this point, and I think I am at my breaking point. I went from a relatively comfy position where I could just sit down all day and only have to deal with the occasional customer, to one where I am at the front of the store dealing with the worst people imaginable. I almost walked out after being cussed out by two thieves in their ugly-sounding native tongue while I was performing a mandatory check on their items.

If I cannot find a way to live off the government and go back to constantly distracting myself from this awful existence, I am going to have to end it. I don't see the point in living like this, I can't even find enjoyment out of the little time I have to myself, because the thought of work is always looming over me. I've been looking for other jobs, but I have had no luck. How do you cope with these retail Hell jobs?

>>309312
Some ideas for you:
1) Ask your supervisor to change your position
2) Find an online job
3) Use fake medical papers to ask for disability
4) Pretend to be ill and live off charity
5) Go live in your car

>>309312
Most human beings aren't prepared for dealing with customers service,try to talk to your sup about going to the warehouse or stocking shelves.

>>309312
funny, i've worked 10 years in a supermarket in september. My advice is to stick to it and try to get night fill role, might take awhile but it's worth it. as far as work goes thats one of the best ones we can get. I cannot get it anymore though the current team isn't moving

>>303738
Same here, I'm working fastfood at 25, its my first job after a lifetime of unemployment and I dropped out of highschool at 16

>>308868
>buried
you DO know japan has made burials illegal, right? they just cremate people and have trouble with space of ashes vases

>>308886
burials, cremation, it's all the same to me, I just don't want my remains to stay in Eur*pe.

yeah would be really good to know how much i have left.

Not really, it's a slow death. You should envy those guys who suddenly die from heart attacks or ODs

even when I was more content during the early stages of NEEThood (when I wasn't harrassed daily to find work) I would have liked knowing I had 6 months left. I could have wrapped things up rather nicely. I hate how I could be living shit for decades and then once I find a bit of peace I end up dying. Not so much dying I guess, but the painful process of it, as it usually is.

>>309289
I'm sorry to hear you're going through this my fellow wizzie in Christ.

I can't tell if I am actually retarded or if I am just constantly too depressed and tired to function properly most of the time. Either way, too many things all pile on top of each other (diet, environment, health issues, aging, etc.) make it way too exhausting to care about anything.

>>309289
This is probably going to be me soon. I don't know how to do anything. I don't even know how I'd get a job, and I don't even have the right papers to anyways. I ask my family for help and guidance and they don't even seem to want to bother. I cannot even tie my shoes. I hope that you get through things alright as you can wiz. I don't think we should be too harsh on ourselves when nobody has ever showed us how to function in this world.

>>309284
You and me both, wiz. I have a fascination with intellectual topics and a respect for truly great minds, but the last time I tried to sit down and read a book on philosophy I got humbled almost immediately. I'm too smart for normalfags but too stupid to fully break away from them, a niche and acute kind of suffering.

>>309362
What did you read and what humbled you exactly, I've read a few writings supposedly attributed to ancient philosophers but it wasn't anything profound to me tbh

I feel quite smart in some areas but very stupid in others. I can't do maps or directions at all

I don't think police hates you, it's more likely that people just vote ignorant and rude individuals in power

yeah people tend to like to make your life worse
I don't see any way out except neeting, drugs or suicide

It's really tough to go through life with no positive reinforcement