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Depression
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 No.213724[Reply]

in relation to the fellow anon who heroed using this method to produce Carbon monoxide. Here is the archive: https://archive.li/tT1Qs#selection-1271.18-1271.29

Which sites can one aquire Formic and sulfuric Acid Within the EU. I'm having a real hard time finding sites that will sell these acids without lots of identification and ordering it as a retail customer and not a business or education instition.

Any fellow anons that could help me. Since this does seem like a really good method.
24 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.213827

>>213792
> If you die and there is no one else to feed them they will eat your corpse without any sign of hesitation or regret.

That's actually normal and completely understandable,If I was locked up somewhere without any means of getting food and my human best friend just died I would probably eat him too,people have resorted to this kind of behavior before when there's absolutely no other way to get food,and it's gross yeah,but survival is survival.

 No.213841

>>213724
Since you're all a bunch of lazy fags i've been doing some research on alternatives for CO poising. If there are any anons who want to contribute and or know chemistry please post.

All right, since not everyone may have access to sulfuric acid. Phosphoric acid seems like a viable alternative however i will need some more conformation if it even will work. It is readily available in most parts of the world and dirt cheap.

Apart from this Metallic zinc powder and Calcium carbonate mixed together and heated up also produces CO. I haven't checked yet. However, i'm pretty sure these are easily accessible and shouldn't cost much.

now let me repeat. If you fags really want a painless and hassle free death. Jump into this thread and contribute. because we will find the answers much faster and easier. Perhaps by next week we could all secure ourselves a painless death that isn't too expensive or complicated.

 No.213847

>>213827 Yeah but only to certain extend. So if primitive behaviours are justified, why do you pussies cry when the strongest creature kill the weak one? The humans are the strongest creatures. So why do you judge them when they kill weaker animal than them?
You double standarts hypocritical liberal cunts.

 No.213848

>>213827
Survival is pointless. You are just prolonging the inevitable - death. And by doing this you are causing just unnecessary suffering to yourself. Because the basic law of this world is that every creature kills another one in order to survive. And by doing this it cause harm and suffering to the other creature. Every living thing does that - from single cell bacteria to a multi cell organism. Plants kill too. You do not see it , because it is a slow process. Most of the poisons and toxins originates from plants.
Survival is a primitive behaviour.
If you forbid to someone to kill, to exercise his power over another creature, you enslave the person, you remove his free will to do whatever his conscious allows him to do. A free man kills. The slaves cant. That's why you see in the movies all the time one kills another. Because movies are propaganda, a distraction, a fairy tale for adults, from real world of slavery you are living.

 No.213849

>>213841
So formic acid contains C carbon, you need the another element O oxygen. So you should look at the chemical formula of the chemical compound to find out if it will produce CO at the end or more precisely said have chance to produce it.
Sulphur acid H2SO4 has O in it, so it works.


 No.213571[Reply]

I don't really have much to say. That's somewhat the problem. I'd rather not say anything, but the feeling of wanting to vent so as to relieve the pressure of my thoughts/emotions is still there, despite the fact that I can't find anything to say about them.

I feel like I just can't make the right words happen. As if I were pointing at something and somebody tried to ask me what it is and in response I just let out a bunch of "Umms", "Uhhhs", and other assorted exasperations. A proverbial form of duct tape over any sort of expression or communication I make, or would like to make, that I just can't seem to rip off without extreme difficulty or effort, or at least an extreme sense of those things, even though it never truly comes off. Like, even right now, there's something I'm feeling that's bothering me. Simply putting it as, "another night of me feeling depressed & lethargic", would essentially sum it up, but there's more to it than that. Something deeper that I can't grasp or put words to, trying to rearrange it all in such a way that I feel I can say what I really want to say instead of something that feels off the mark even though, "I'm depressed, bored & lethargic", is essentially all it is. Maybe it's just that words, no matter how well they're chosen or put together, can never convey the full breadth of one's emotions or perspective, so there will always feel like there's something missing, leading to a gnawing sense of dissatisfaction & muteness that can never be alleviated.

The lack of articulation, vagueness, beating around a perpetual bush, is exemplified quite well in this clip from TD. That's always how I feel, all the time. Never getting out what I want to say. Just a bunch of, "You know it's….I think what I'm thinking is…..I really just….I don't know." I got a rotten fucking brain of shit that's decayed into advanced ruin after nearly 13 years of perpetual stagnation and to say I can't think clearly would be a massive understatement, so maybe that's just the reason. I was pretty retarded & inarticulate before though, so I don't know. Just shut up. There's a course of action for me to follow. It's all a waste of time and no one cares anyway, so just shut up.

Look at all this shit I wrote. A lot of shit for someone who says they can't communicate. Well, whatever. Just because I typed a lot of shit doesn't mean I suddenly feel like I'm communicating or saying anything of note. Post too long. Click here to view the full text.
6 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.213721

The foundation of fruitful communication is common ground. Wizards have very little common ground with 99% of people, but as you can see from this board, once wizards are given the means to find and communicate with one another, satisfying conversations can occur. This is because wizards often have common traits and interests stemming from similar life situation, mindset, and experiences. Due to isolation and leisure time, we may follow our interests to strange niches, populated by few if any others. The Norman, who is satisfied at the common trough, continues to gorge at it as it has brought him happiness and value, while the wizard has long since abandoned it due to painful experiences, disgust, lack of satisfaction, curiosity, boredom, or whatever else. Personally, I have met few people in real life who kind of know where I'm coming from with my tastes, worldview, or hobbies. I could talk with them freely, because we had things to discuss. I desired to establish friendship with them. With everyone else, even with parents, I am tongue-tied like OP. However, this no longer bothers me, because I know that my tongue-tiedness stems from my abandonment of the common trough. Most insights gained from conversation with the norman only pertain to the intrigues and absurdities surrounding that trough. So these are worthless insights, making the hypothetical conversations worthless, meaning there is nothing lost for wont of conversation with most folks.

Hope this is not word salad and is helpful.

 No.213807

Well, communicating is hard when one has nothing to communicate, as is my case. I've nothing to say, because I'm a drone, have always been.

 No.213808

a lot of people have trouble communicating, it's not uncommon. or rather, a lot of people have trouble communicating effectively. you might find that people say a lot of words, but oftentimes those words don't really mean much and tend to amount of rhetorical and semantic nonsense. it's pretty normal, i find that a lot of conversations i hear in public are very aimless and "meaningless." it's not just you.

 No.213817

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>>213702

Your post is a good example of the sort of extra things I wanted to say, but couldn't find the words for, since I also experience & struggle with everything you described. On one hand, it's nice to see it laid out, but on the other, I just feel somewhat depressed & frustrated because I wasn't able to communicate it myself.

Like yourself, my thoughts can sometimes feel quite clear & coherent in my head, even downright flawless, but the moment I open my mouth I end up actually hearing what a retarded fool I sound like. All the arguments/points of interest I thought were worth bringing up and were of value, suddenly sound dull, obvious and just generally stupid. I experience this a lot whenever me and my brother have a conversation (which is only a handful of times a year, whenever he comes to visit). Both he & I have somewhat similar interests (mostly just anime, although we rarely watch the same ones), but half the time I just cringe at my lack of anything to say. The last time we spoke, I tried to discuss Star Trek of all things with him and, despite being a massive fan of the franchise, having watched the original series and most of the spin-offs to death, I literally sounded like someone who hadn't watched a day of Star Trek in their lives, simply because my brain freezed up and I couldn't fucking remember or articulate anything I wanted to say. It didn't really matter though, since my brother was just looking at his phone the whole time and wasn't really giving two shits what I had to say, even if it was just verbal diarrhea. He actually does that a lot and is part of the reason why I actually hate the prospect of reciprocating any sort of communication with him at all.

And, again, even the illusion of me sounding coherent inside my own head is starting to fade because of the reasons you already mentioned. I also can't leave the house for the reason of sensory overload. I can't even lurk fast websites or image boards because of sensory overload. It just gives me a proverbial, or even literal, headache and I can't process any of it. It absolutely overwhelms me and I just shut down and feel like I need to stare at the wall for like 20 minutes straight just to reset myself. Information overload I guess would be a better way to put it and something like that definitely applies to books or anything intellectual asPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

 No.213846

You can take classes or read books about interpersonal communication, there is a whole academic field dedicated to different theories of communication. There are also lots of books about writing composition if that's how you want to communicate. Effective communication is a skill like anything else that needs to be trained and learned. Although normals often have better skill in communication naturally than wizards, we can still learn to communicate effectively to suit our needs, whatever those may be. All skills are a question of knowledge and practice. You can actually learn a lot of these skills relatively easily, assuming you aren't clinically autistic, even if you are you can improve past your current level. Life is like an RPG where you start out with certain base stats and have to train to improve the ones you're weak in if you need those skills to achieve whatever your goals are. If you want to get past a locked door you level up lockpicking, if you want to communicate something you level up communication. I would also add that your posts ITT seem very clear, so you may be underestimating your own communication skills due to cognitive distortions from depression.


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 No.213010[Reply]

The last suicide general has hit the bump limit.
Previous thread:
>>209199
77 posts and 13 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.213809

>>213010
How do migrants deal with the hell of life but we can't even life in a comfy room surrounded by treats?

 No.213812

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>>213811
This is twofold. I get a perverse pleasure from the anticipation of complete liberation from a oppressive, meaningless and perishable existence, but I also don't enjoy waiting for the last day for me. Realizing that I can hang myself at any time, I still postpone suicide, because I know that there is a better method that is still not available to me, which will someday become available if I take any actions for this. It's unpleasant to have to wait a long time. I may have to wait more than a year or more. This is terrible. In short, I would say yes.
What about you?

 No.213813

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>>213728
Have you considered the "jumping" method? There's not too much requirements, just climb on top of a very tall building, then jump

I'm russian too, btw

 No.213833

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>>213813
>Have you considered the "jumping" method?
Естественно. Я рассматривал практически все возможные методы.
>There's not too much requirements, just climb on top of a very tall building, then jump
Физических требований не так уж и много, однако нужна невероятная сила воли, чтобы спрыгнуть с высокого здания. К тому же где мне найти высотку? Даже если я её найду, то как мне забраться на крышу? В моём городе есть 25 этажные здания, но я не знаю, как забраться наверх, а с хрущёвки прыгать не хочется.
Мне не терпится именно застрелиться. Не хочу ощущать течение времени перед смертью. Не хочу чувствовать падение, я жажду, чтобы всё произошло мгновенно. Даже если будет адская боль от пули в голове, то это будет длиться не больше одной секунды, что выигрышно, можно потерпеть.
>I'm russian too, btw
На каких бордах ещё сидишь?

 No.213845

>>213833
У меня просто батя как раз живет в 15 этажном доме, вот я и думал воспользоваться случаем и спрыгнуть с крыши этого дома

>застрелиться
Это было бы идеально, но требований для получения огнестрельного оружия реально много

>На каких бордах ещё сидишь?
На бордах почти не сижу, иногда только захожу на форчан и лэйнчан


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 No.212817[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
153 posts and 32 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.213819

it's really embarassing to have bipolar episodes, just yelled at some succubus in extreme anger because she wouldn't mind her own business even though i was already pissed off, when this happens i yell all kinds of shit that makes me look like a total crazy dude and i can't control it. afterwards it feels extremelly uncomfortable to think about what happened in a clear state of mind and eventually something like this will get me in trouble even though i would never physically attack someone and i just want to be left alone. i am pretty sure that some people in my area know me as a crazy retard because they saw me snap at some point

 No.213823

I’m so fucking sick of dealing with chronic pain. My life is just an endless stream of suffering. Just make it stop, please for fuck’s sake I can’t take it anymore.

 No.213834

>>213818
I can relate anon, Try to write reviews in a notebook or your head in order to feel productive, but I don't think you're gonna make it tho

 No.213837

>>213819
are you sure you're bipolar? it sounds more like people and strangers keep fucking with you, anyone would snap and constantly be on edge under those circumstances

 No.213844

>>213819
bipolar episodes last for weeks at a time and have a ton of other symptoms. What you had was a momentary loss of control of your emotions. That's normal.


[Last 50 Posts]

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 No.213838[Reply]

For many years now I've found myself doubting if the world is real. I keep thinking I'll go to bed and wake up in a completely different "real world". When I reach out to grab something I doubt if it is actually solid and/or expect my fingers to phase right through it.

I've been thinking about this a lot and I think that my lack of "drive" or motivation comes from the fact that I doubt this is my real reality, what is the point in doing anything if it can vanish at any point?

For reference I've been a NEET for over 3 years now, and every year my DR issues get worse. At it's worse I've gotten full on psychosis, hearing voices and seeing things.

I've been in inpatient and outpatient programs and seen tons of therapy, even tried meds and ECT, nothing got rid of the DR and lack of motivation, although I got some of the mood issues under control.

Sometimes I even feel like killing myself just to see if I'll "wake up" in the real world. I'm really not sure what to do anymore.

 No.213839

You should take some LSD.

 No.213840

>>213838
Reality is that which appears to you regardless if you believe in it or not. There is no false or right interpretation of reality because there is no true base level known to us. If it exists for you then it is real and something exists for you when you experience it regardless if you want to experience it or not. Reality as a concept exists independent from you and we in fact know nothing about that one (science cluld explain to you that a table is mostly empty space instead of material but this idea only matters to the theoretical discourse not to the scientist as a bodily human) but the only reality that matters is the one that appears to you and in this reality the table is permanent and restricts your fingers.

This also means that your hallucinations and voices are real (to you). Why do you discern them as illusions though? Because you believe that those things are not there independent from you. But reality independent from the observer is as a matter of fact not existing and none of our business. The voices are a representation of your mind and the table is a representation of the world both is real however the main criteria for reality for us as humans is the question if something appears to other people as well. If it does we normally say that it must be 'real' if it does not it must be an illusion (not considering collective illusions, religion, the belief fundament of science etc. here). Since we cannot say for sure what reality is without us as observers we have to take se simple truths in order to live day to day life. Normal people do not doubt these truths although you could do this legitimately. People don't do this because it does not serve them any use in everyday life. I am sure that even ontological philosophers do not really doubt the desk on which they write but rather if the reality in which they (knowingly) live is the only possible reality or if there are other possibilities (for example I am not deep into that).

 No.213843

I also have this problem, It's why i'm no longer scared of dying. Life feels sooo dreamy. I hope my death in this world lets me escape from this nightmare of a life.


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 No.213825[Reply]

Any one know some good pro suicide forums. That anons discuss their methods and help and inform each other.

 No.213828

sactioned suicide,
check out the resources thread

 No.213830

>>213828
Santioned suicide is a fucking meme. The last reasonable place was infinitechans suicide board.

 No.213836

>>213830
i know but they have good information on the resource thread i don't really care about the discussion with bpd succubi and norpers.


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 No.212196[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

end of the fucking decade edition

previous >>208323
291 posts and 35 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.213758

>>213753
Is being a little bitch online a form of overcompensating for you, little man? You seem pretty committed to it.

 No.213759

>>213758
keep crying for me crab, im not taking your bait just because your miserable pathetic life revolves around getting the last word in while arguing with other sad pathetic crab losers like yourself

 No.213760

>>213759
What are you getting out of acting like a kid on here?

 No.213767

just a few more hours until the week restarts

 No.213835

>>213767
just 4x8 hours until they give me a break


[Last 50 Posts]

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 No.213134[Reply]

Reading the end of the wizards thread I wondered:

What's it like to be a wizard without any hobbies or interests? (Or at least interests and hobbies that USED to be associated with wizards?)

I've been slowly shedding my old hobbies and interests as they became mainstream (even degenerate otaku porn fetishes have this slowly increasing normalcy) and now I'm down to a couple things I still enjoy a little.

Any wizards who actually live without any real hobbies? I know I'm asking for a lot but I'd like responses from actual wizards or people close to wizardhood like the latter half of your 20s.
30 posts and 3 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.213366

>>213364
I havent enjoyed anything in years, music is the only thing I enjoy still and I make stuff in fl studio. I just downloaded EU3 because EU4 is too complicated though, i might be playing that for a few days.

You like my life story? OK, now kill self.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDN2SEH3cHg

 No.213367

>>213366
So nothing?

 No.213821

>hobby invasion
I guess it mostly depresses anons who became wizards in the last 10 years or so, to have your small corner of the world just slowly taken over by people that include the ones who never cared for the hobby in the first place.

I mean, I assume most wizards have been excluded from many things growing, so to have your own space/hobby was something special.

There's been a "flattening" of the geek/nerd cultures so that newcomers or invaders can just waltz in without any prior commitment to it. Whether someone is a "real" geek or not at this point becomes irrelevant because all of the effort that was required, things like collecting comic books, arranging clubs, getting rare items from abroad etc, has become trivial to do.

It may be the end of the wizards (of our kind at least) but it going to be interesting to what sort of wizard pops up when they don't have anything to call their own.

 No.213824

>>213822
Go bully normalfags

 No.213829

Im 31 and have no hobbies. I work during the week and spend whole weekend lying on my bed browsing degenerate imageboards


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 No.213656[Reply]

People talk about depression as if it was a cleary defined illness like a cold. But people experience it differently and the causes for it are unclear. A frequent advice is to try Psychotherapy. And from what I've seen psychotherapy assumes that your depression is mostly caused by bad thought patterns and habits.

I haven't seen anyone talk about this yet surprisingly but for me this seems to be intuitive.

What if your depression started out with bad thought patterns but it was left untreated and then lead to your life genuinly sucking making depression a justified thing to experience?
1 post omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.213672

>And from what I've seen psychotherapy assumes that your depression is mostly caused by bad thought patterns and habits.

It seems common sense that depression is caused by bad thoughts, but after reading about mental illness and psychology for a while now, I don't think this is the case. There is something bellow cognition which different perspectives conceptualize differently as the 'unconscious', the 'inner child', etc. and in my opinion, all of it can be explained by perception.

Depression is caused by one thing essentially - the world appears to you as 'depressive' and you are compelled towards 'depressive' thoughts, feelings and behavior. You can conceptualize that appearance as a perceptual frame which consists of the 'depressive' features of reality. For some reason, you're habitually ending up at that frame, as opposed to the more 'mundane' frame that normal people live in. Within that 'depressive' frame, all your symptoms make perfect rational sense to you and doing anything otherwise requires willpower and a sense of self-deception, trying to ignore and distrust your one window into the world. You are depressed because the world truly does appear hopeless, terribly difficult and without any potential for a positive future. And while this perspective is /correct/, so is the opposite where it appears full of hope and potential (the manic frame). Both are, however, simply subsets of a reality that is unknowable to us completely.

Cognitive therapy doesn't work because it's dealing with surface level cognition, something which is just an expression of your perceptual frame. For instance, a cognitive therapist thinks that a depressed person simply believes that the world is hopeless and simply hasn't gone over all the evidence - actually, the belief itself is simply an expression of how the world appears to the person. If the person attempts to go against that belief, they'll feel that they're just lying to themselves, no matter how much evidence there is for the contrary position. The real problem lies in the person's perceptual frame, the foundation on which all thoughts, feelings and behavior exist.

>What if your depression started out with bad thought patterns but it was left untreated and then lead to your life genuinly sucking making depression a justified thing to experience?

You can justify any frame within itself by finding endless evidencePost too long. Click here to view the full text.

 No.213774

>>213672
You have to define what a helpful frame is though, because for a dep person, they no longer care to change frame, they are just taking reality at face value

 No.213779

>>213774
Well, that's difficult to define. An adaptive frame is one that makes adaptive behavior compelling, but that's judging frames in evolutionary terms which value survival and procreation. As long as a frame leads to those values, it's adaptive and will continue to exist. However, a frame can be adaptive but still be undesirable because it causes suffering. For instance, a person could be a germaphob and while this would technically lead to a reduced risk of an infection, living in such a reality causes a lot of suffering and is hence undesirable to most people.

The trouble with trying to define 'helpful' is that it's ultimately about goals and desired states which can also depend on the frame itself. So there's two possibilities: a helpful frame is one that leads to useful behavior in relation to one's desired state or, allows one to change one's desired state. For instance, a frame which allows you to engage in behavior that leads to lots of money or one that allows you to be content without money by making material things unnecessary, unattractive, non-enticing and so on. Ultimately, it's about less suffering and more enjoyment, but also quite subjective.

In the case of a depressed person, a helpful frame is one that makes a stable mood compelling. To really understand why perceptual frames are important, you need to understand how it's the entire foundation of your emotions and motivations which seemingly rely on the appearance of the world and can go against your higher rational self. The most common example is procrastination which most people experience at some point - you rationally decide that you need to do something and you want to, but you are still unable to do it and you keep putting it off. The problem is the perceptual frame which makes the activity appear unappealing, uncompelling, unrewarding, difficult and so on which shuts down the motivation system despite your rational ideas. One is forced to use willpower and seemingly go against himself which causes friction and requires more energy than a compelling frame which makes it effortless.

A basic frame change for a depressed person could be one that gets them out of bed without effort. For that to happen, the person would need to first understand the frame that makes all their behavior compelling, figure out which features of the reality contribute the most and tPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

 No.213810

>>213779
All of this just reminds me of the thisisfine.jpg with the burning room and the dog

Our social conditions are extremely weighted towards extroversion, competition and violence. Those are the factors that run civilisation as we know it.

For someone with the opposite characteristics, withdrawal can be expected, unless you wish to say they should change their frame in order to adapt to their environment.

 No.213816

>>213810
This sums it up. Nowadyas I always have the impression that people around me live their lifes on coke or some other heavy upper drug making them power through the day while I barely make it out of bed. In fact that is their normal condition without the drugs consumed. The result of this is that I became extremly secluded and also have accepted the truth that I am unable to live among other humans without drugs that will destroy my body and brain even worse after a certain time. I am not neurotypical and it's impossible to pretend this. If I try it the stress is so much that depersonalization is triggered. I have tried for years but I always was remembered that it doesn't work. The only positive experiences I remember were when I left social duties like school, uni, job behind me.


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 No.211324[Reply]

Does anyone else waste their time in the most inane way possible? Like watching reviews for things you even afford? Reading threads discussing a video game you never played? At this point when I manage to watch a movie or play a singleplayer video game it feels like an accomplishment even though for others that's what they consider wasting time. I have no topics to talk about with anyone. Obviously can't talk about any social experiences with normal people but also can't even talk to geeks because I rarely consume any new media and I also can't talk to intellectuals because I don't read books or visit any cultural events.
15 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.213607

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>>211324
I do exactly this and in isolation I couldn't care less, but now that I am no longer a NEET I feel obligated to actually do shit with my free time.
I was told this would come naturally after finding a job since my free time would be more valuable to me and so I wouldn't waste it. Instead I just have less free time to waste but I still waste it non the less.
It's really sad that in my life actually sitting down and watching a single movie is a fulfilling day for me. Not an evening, an entire day. It takes all of my effort to pick a movie that I just don't bother and guzzle 3-5 minute YouTube videos or watch Twitch streams constantly instead.
Writing this all out makes me feel even worse about it because it's all 100% self inflicted. I could do anything with my time and instead I do absolutely nothing. Fucking pathetic. Kill me.

 No.213650

>>213567
I have the same issue. Forget about things and waste my free time browsing the net instead of doing something usefull, mainly because i cant focus or whatever. I spend 14h everyday on my bed, sleeping browsing and looking at the ceiling i only get up because i have to work and only i know how much it costs me to get out of bed everyday

 No.213777

>>213410
How do you keep yourself numb?

 No.213788

>>213777
Force a depersonalization disorder.

 No.213815

File: 1580124837956.png (74.78 KB, 949x340, 949:340, ouiyiuyut.PNG) ImgOps iqdb

I'll never do anything except exist & take up space, while occasionally being able to consume media (like a game or a movie) on a good day. Just tell yourself that it's enough. That's what I do and, on some level, I guess it's true. Who cares about anything else. Like an old therapist I used to see as a kid would sometimes say, "It's all bullshit". No matter what we do, we're all just rotting away to death, so even if you just breathe, eat/drink, defecate and sleep, it's as good as anything else. As opposed to many here, I don't talk to anyone except those on this website & my immediate family. Even then, I have nothing really to say 90% of the time for the reasons you already indicated.

>>213009

I've always struggled with this particular issue on this site a lot. Not only does it apply to various threads, but to my own posts as well. I've re-read some of my old posts in excess of 30 times or more, somewhat out of seeing if they have any replies, but mostly out of the slowness of the site and my own lingering sense of narcissism. Either way, it's a disgusting waste of time. Undoubtedly one of the most disgusting ones I can think of. I hate it and, despite it being years now, I wished I stopped doing it.


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