/dep/ - Depression

>>305172
Yeah I wish I, if not loved it, at least was tolerant to work. Would make life a hell of a lot easier.

I've always hated reaching out to people about my issues. I don't completely understand myself and why I do things. Others will take advantage of this to try and indoctrinate me when I am vulnerable. For those who would truly sympathise with me, there is no point. I'm the only one that can fix myself, and will continue to rot away until I can figure out how to approach my problems.

Randomly felt the urge to look up my old high school friend's youtube account. The last uploads were from right around 16 years ago, right around the time we graduated. The videos were our shitty attempts at a cooperative "let's play". We had around 18 episodes before we stopped. I can't remember if we just got bored or if it's because after graduating we just lost touch and never talked to each other again.

In middle through high school he was my only friend. It's weird to hear his voice again on those old videos. Also weird to hear my own voice, because those videos were the only time in my entire life in which I was brave enough to use my voice on the internet. Before and after that I never used a mic for any reason, and have obviously never put pictures or videos of myself online.

I think we usually would do the recordings in-person at my PC, but I think we also did a few remotely while I screenshared with him through Skype or something. I remember one time we were at my house and we were going to record, but my brother came over to visit my mother, and I was too self-conscious to let us start until my brother left, and so I forced us to sit around quietly for two or three hours.

On one of my old USB drives from high school I actually still have a backup of the emulator, rom, and savefiles from when we were doing that LP. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I suddenly contacted him and, after reminiscing, brought up the silly idea of suddenly starting the LP back up again. Like, what if there was suddenly "PART19" uploaded 16 years later, and we'd just make some joke about coming back from a bathroom break and just resumed playing as if nothing happened.
But, even if I wanted to go through with that, I don't know how to contact him or anyone really, as I have no social media. I'm pretty sure, however, that he still lives in his home from our high school days, like I do. I'm pretty sure he's unemployed, like myself. I guess I could just drive 10 minutes to his house and knock, but I don't have the social guts to do something like that.

I guess I could write a letter. Imagine doing THAT!

Troonery has left such a deep wound on the nerd psyche that I don't think it will ever heal. So many things coincided for it to happen….what's opposite of serendipity?

>>305236
>So many things coincided for it to happen
Cohencided*. It was by design.

Try drugs if you can, I have no access to them sadly

>>305216
D U E L
>>305197

>>305216
Second'd, drugs make everything in life easier, but I too lost access to them since my 20s.

>>305230
just what they make easier, exactly?

>>305231
no stress, no depression, no mental suffering, just joy and peace.

That depends on what you're talking about. Do you mean whether my former dreams will ever come true? No, they won't.

>>305199
I don't want my family to realize I've been a NEET so long I am turning to an old man. I want them to continue having the idea that I am just a young kid that need some time to rest before rejoining society.

>>305213
meds + meditation to fix it. if you're already interacting with people you're basically good to go for anything. you've only got real problems if you can't leave your room of your own volition.
>>305214
what will you do when they die/disown you?

>>305221
>what will you do when they die/disown you?
Try to get a shit job. Maybe I have matured emotionally to be able to handle them now but I could also be stressed out of my mind like the last time I worked. If I can't handle it by then and have no other better ideas, I'll just kill myself. It's the same story no matter which NEET you ask if they don't have bux or wealth.

>>305221
>you've only got real problems if you can't leave your room of your own volition.
well I'm very close to that.
Didn't speak to a single non essential person (doctor, cashier etc) for long time. I already was very socially anxious before but this really makes it worse. I have an appointment with a doctor about this hair thing soon so i hope i get some meds..

>>305229
get some social interaction instead. of any kind. idk think of a hobby or something. wiz != crab != loser. neets who preach they're happy are faking it. they all end up hollow shells.

>>304878
he is proud to be on benzos. That's what the whole lobster metaphor is about. Like people caricature that about JP worshipping lobsters as alpha male chads. And it is a little bit of that.

But the larger point is that the lobster gets a serotonin flush from winning fights. But if you get it from prozac or benzos it has the exact same impact on the lobster. So you can win fights, or you can just take benzos. it has the same hormonal impact.

Massively improved standard of living
The child mortality rate in Africa
Is now the same as it was in Europe in 1952
Which is a statistic
That I just regard as
Absolutely miraculous
The rate of poverty is diminishing
At an amazing rate, right
Between 2000 and 2012
We have poverty

>>305176
No I have no formal diagnosis and…
…I am too afraid of misdiagnosis



I swear, it's a double whammy.

My family: cold person, hateful person, certified SCH person, an already fading doing-nothing telly-watching person

My classmates:
L I V E L Y

B U S T E R S

My pain: I never really had this "lively buster" attitude myself so other being little busters of their age to me was being misinterpreted by me as a conspiracy-like hate against me.

See, my classmates used to… well, play obnoxious games with me and then they were all surprised I am not a big fan of games acting all serious and stuff. They WOULD NOT LEAVE ME ALONE.

And then, once I complained how I cannot handle it they were all like "but it's all about you, your fists are clenched…" yes, they said tgat. Shit. No one was vigilant enough to investigate how contrasting MY life was to THEIRS.
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>305209
>maybe you should do something with yourself
I know you couldn't possibly know it as a kid, but all you have to do is to learn to contain your survival mode. Instead of being a monkey and signaling you distress to everyone around, keep it inside, and put a nice boy on the outside. The hardest part is learning to mask the lack of patience. Once you did, you're invincible.

>>305200
Your pain doesnt deserve shit. I dont owe you anything and your emotional baggage is your problem. You're a whining petty victim.

>>305219
Same goes for me so I guess it's just a matter of who shoots first.

>>305212
This very day, my laptop gave an ad for psychological hotline… Red Cross.

Looks like the world of connections and surveying is blooming this days.

>Your username as the thread name
What did you wish to achieve with this?
>TV watcher
TV is 40% awful commercials designed to piss you off, and 60% awful programs conceived to make you gay and stupid
>obese fingers
Hair is retained in the kitchen. You'd have more hair on your head if it didn't need to breakthrough a quarter inch of fat.
>Windows 11 netbook
Why?
>WhatsApp image
Even worse than a Discord filename
>Mexican Twitter
There are imageboards better suited for your demographic.
>"privacy browser"
You are incredibly propagandized. Normal for a TV watcher!
>"My poor mommy worries about me having sad feefees :("
Do her a favor and improve yourself or at least try to give the impression that you're not someone who she needs to worry about
>Gay faggot boykisser erotica of bad anime
No I'm happy that you're sad.

>without realizing it out of nowhere I start crying
Are you not a grown man? Why the fuck were you crying?

ITT Indian lashes out at a Mexican. Peak thread please continue.

5. It sounds counterintuitive, but you can fight internet addiction and device addiction with a device.

Put some cool stuff on your old smartphone (without cellular internet, that's important! without viable browsers also)

Browser your faves before sleep, +1 to comfyness without the desire to "lurk more".

I just ordered an electric blanket. I wake up each morning and I am cold. I think it's because I drink a lot of water in the morning, but even when I try to slow down my rehydration it seems like I get cold. I lay under 4 layers of blankets and feel like I am not warming up at all.

>>304554
>I just ordered an electric blanket.
Good, good! I expect it to help you MASSIVELY.

Got myself a beautiful blanket
Cons: it's too hot for my room!
Pros: Maybe, I will use it in the spring, when they shut the central heating off. It feels so warm it could go well with a chilly room

>>304474
Makeshift humidifier fr tower block dwellers.

Just take your old, perforated shirt from your old clothing chache…

pour lot of water on it

and put the resulting wet rag on your heat radiator.

Boom. My sleep has been alright this night - unlike my past night

That's the normal state of humanity. Also did you imply that you are on
>multiple drugs and getting therapy?
Because if so good luck waiting until your life improves.

If you've been keeping up with normies the last 10 years have culled them. let's say if 80% of people were normies in 2005, now it's barely 50%. The rest are now failed-normies or whatever term you want to use. Most people are isolated or turned crazy

>>304672
>"nah" followed by a bunch of 'wrong on purpose' low-effort trolling
Still? After all of these years?

>>304676

EDITED
Makes some sense, m8

Makes some sense.. "Normies" hate what confuses them and what they don't seem to understand. Something something herd mentality.

>>304678
point taken, but this one has "a troll being itself" vibe: Comrade Troll decided to tell us controlling own emotions = good (as long as it can help us gain some control over our lives)

I understood there are many things my parents did not do right and if I were to have kids I would like to think I know what to do better.

NOT OP, BUT…


BUMP


Ive been thinking lately about the DRAMA in my life. Apparently, some succ next door either have seduced my father or have successfully faked such a thing - for "some" drama which led to a painful divorce. (Or maybe my mother is not a reliable storyteller…)


Now, my whole life is wizardchan-tier simply because some rural-to-city

>>305179
>Now, my whole life is wizardchan-tier simply because some rural-to-city

hedonistic succubus wanted to satisfy her hedonistic desires by provoking my mother to divorce and to away + grab me too = ahaha a young big guy to do stuff with.


Oh, and *her* husband was so frail he… passed away ~10 years ago; go figure.