>>299518I guess you're going through the stage which I went through in middle school. Back when I was 14, I experienced profound isolation and realized that everyone around me were against me, hated me and wanted me to disappear. So I withdrew and became a hikikomori, and enjoyed it greatly, but got derailed from my life path due to abuse/mental illness/emotional distress, and for several years suffered by attempting to make the most of my life before I circled back to being a hikki, even more depressed and awful than before.
Before, I was only 14-15. Dropped out on the first term of my first year of HS. I had hopes, thought I'd make a name for myself by the time I reached adulthood. I never expected to fail so miserably and face such profound torment at the hands of this world.
It's harrowing, isn't it? The existential dread of being the only one, all alone, disappearing and fading among people you cannot connect with, who cannot connect with you. I am prepared to witness the end of the world, but I won't lie, it's extremely painful.