/dep/ - Depression

I have a lot of faults of my own, perhaps my current predicament is entirely my fault. I have no friends. No one to talk to. But things are worse, I was born and currently live in a really hated country on this planet but regardless it could've always been worse, I could've been a prisoner in North Korea or on the menu in Africa for a good hearty meaty meal.

The true tragedy is I am significantly over than 21, I have a very rocky relationship with my parents, who abused the hell out of me, and I literally shake and tremble in fear when my parents are angry, I can feel pain in my heart. But guess what I am over 21 years of age and they are not bound by any law to take any care of me at all but they still do, they have also helped me a lot, while I don't wish them harm, I do wish I lived away from them.

And of course I am unemployed, to a great extent, I get talked down on daily basis, while I am grateful for what my parents have done for me, I am grateful for what normies have done for me by making wonderful things like mobiles and games. I do not like the fact that my father has a carte blanche to say anything to me and do anything to me, I am grateful for society for giving me mobiles and games, as I said. But I don't like how my value is only derived from what I earn.

If I don't earn, I am a pest, a drain on resources, my parents treat me like I am disposable, with no respect, at all. And why should they cause love isn't unconditional because if they loved me unconditionally, maybe I would've abused them instead. No such thing as that.

I just want to die but I am terrified of dying without living for once. I live in an honor culture mixed with Western Style liberalism and as an unemployed person, I am the lowest common denominator in them. Money has somehow turned out to be more important than I expected it to be, I mean money is water, money is food, and money is roof. I knew that but I didn't knew how.

I have never spent a day of my life that wasn't in constant anxiety and worrying about something, not a single day in my life where I could claim that 'Yes, it was a good day.'. Perhaps I am like one of those weird females who don't want solutions to their problems but they just want to be heard, when they talk, if you know what I mean. And it surprises me that I have an iota in common with succubi.

As I said a lot of fault lies with me, I have tried for jobs, and tried for online ways to earn. But pePost too long. Click here to view the full text.

anyone got a good server where guys just get on and play games or just a bunch of guys who are really active and talk
im sick of these supposed "crab" servers and no ones online, im the only guy sending 100+ msgs a day and getting no reply in return so thats why i came to this imageboard cause supposedly everyone heres alone with no one irl like me

You will still be stuck browsing this thread in 2026 edition

previous>>296811

The sole purpose of this post is to share the techniques and books I have accumulated over time to achieve relaxation and other things.
I have read about meditation, magic, ceremonial magic, chaotic and postmodern magic, anxiety therapies, and relaxation techniques. This thread is not a cure for all problems. I don't want to turn this into a blogspot, so feel free to ask whatever you want.
>Also
Remember that you can also search for the techniques I mention on the internet, on YouTube, or on WikiHow, where you can find help on how to perform these techniques and more tips.

always no matter what happens set backs always set me back. and my goals arent that fucking unreasonable either. Change my habits, or enjoy a fucking game. and something major happens to set me back. not only am I scared to change im exausted about constantly being worried about what price im about to pay for that slight moment of enjoyment. its like the default setting for me in this life is to be miserable and useless, anything good going for me has to be double the price of bad luck to throw me back to square one. Nothing but bad luck. im just so frustrated.

This thread is for talking about OCD, addictions, or those kinds of disorders that ruined our lives
>So
When I was a kid, I had some pretty OCD-like behavior—I’d touch things and check them over and over until I felt reassured that everything was okay. I also used to walk on my tiptoes, which is a bit autistic, but I eventually stopped doing that (I don’t know if I have autism at this point bacause never did a test, but whatever).
>So what’s up with you?
Well, in my case is limerence (some studies say is co-related to OCD)
>And what’s that like?
Well, imagine a succubi (for some people even can be the other sex you dont like) talks to you and treats you kindly once or twice, and then you start getting way more than just nervous around her because your body starts releasing dopamine, serotonin, and all that shit. And since you don’t know what’s going on, you think you like her or have fallen in love, but its NOT.
really it’s just fucking anxiety toward a “thing.” Because you’re constantly seeking validation in some way—whether for friendship, attention, or love but you have this anxiety that you know is inappropriate, and if you act on it, the feeling of danger gets worse, it’s almost like you’re having a heart attack. and as time pass the thing got worst and worst and you get more obsessive, nerveous and get a peak of anxiety, even start to rumiate or have that thing of limerence (LO) living rent free in your head bacause your brain cant stop thinking about your LO
>What was the worst experience you've ever had?
Even you will end starting to dream with the LO and have happy dreams or nightmares and waking up crying bacause you are getting the peak of anxiety and dopamine,etc sec before waking up. this shit can even ruin friendship.
>Why the hell does this happen?
I don’t know, genetics, anxiety, depression, emotional dependency, low self-steem, negligent parents, love hungry, maybe OCD etc and a whole lot of shit
>You're larping this nonsense
but in my case, it’s not like those internet memes of bitch tumblr succubi where it only happens once and they use like a joke for love or crush
>You're a retard and you fall in love go fuk yourself wizard
No, no it’s happened to me constantly over the Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

"Hey wizanon… did you go through a similar thing?"

I will never forgive this world, my ancestors, my genes, my family, those people. I will especially, never forgive myself. My adolesence was robbed from me. I could've eaten better, I could've been stronger, I could've said no to all the evil people who abused me, humiliated me, bullied me, took advantage of me. I can pretend to be happy in moments of fantasy, but my baseline is always depression because I have been robbed so completely.

What did I do to deserve this fate? Who was I in my past life to deserve being in such a position? If I had eaten better, I could've grown to my true height. If I had said no and held steadfast, I could've fought back against them. If I had shown some semblance of courage, I could've made happy memories in my youth.

I am 23 years old. You might say that is young. But I have lost the most important years of my growth and development. I have wasted them by suffering emotionally and physically with no fault of my own. I have wasted them by letting others rob me of what I had, my dignity, my reputation, my identity, my resources. I dropped out of school with so much hope, I was truly so happy, only to suffer far more than I ever have at the hands of forces beyond my control.

No matter what I do now, as much as I would love to believe otherwise, there is absolutely nothing I could do to compensate for what I have lost. Nothing I could do replace those days. Nothing I could do to get back what I lost forever. What's been robbed was meant to be robbed permanently. I can only mourn and ache for the rest of my life, aching for the things I was supposed to have but will never get back.

I've seen this discussed in many threads so I made a thread for it. Many wizzies had had their life destroyed by psychiatric medication be it SSRI's, antipsychotics, benzodiazepines or others. A psych ward stay tends to leave you worse off. Some people get abused in psychiatric institutions. Mentioning you are sad and thinking about suicide to a doctor or nurse can get you forcefully restrained and tranquilised.
I'm suicidal but I avoid any medical help precisely for this reason.

Post here if you don't have enough to say for a new thread, but it's too depressing for the crawl thread.
ice cold edition

Hey mages, wizards, posting this here so some may see it instead of just throwing it in a doc somewhere.

I love life. For a period of about two to three years I was empty and melancholic with constant suicidal thoughts. But now I can't hate the world, the struggle of life moves my soul; the clouds, the sea, the stars, flowers, the wind, it all is so amazing to witness. Most of all I love people, for what they can be, seeing the rare phenomenon of a genuine person, be it in person, through their words, or through something they made, tugs at me like nothing else. And it's not like my life has materially gotten much better, I got out of my nagging bitch aunts house but otherwise not much has changed.
But this transformation has only made everything hurt more, going out amongst the normgroids deeply upsets me because they squander themselves for nothing. But even then I cant bring myself to hate how much it hurts.
If you're reading this mage it'd mean a lot to see you chase your dreams, I don't believe in that crap about humans only being able to care about a certain number of people.