/dep/ - Depression

I think I'm finally going to kill myself. what are the best methods for a painless suicide? I think normalfags put oxygen into helium tanks now to prevent suicides so that's kinda not an option. any better ideas?

i hate that overeating and depression often goes hand in hand. i always resort to food to forget about my worries. tried so many times to substitute it with alcohol (did not like the taste) and cigarettes (allergic to its smoke) but nothing comes close to relieve me like junk food does. i know that i should have put on some massive weight due to this.

I am extremely angry. I had a psychiatric crisis in april, two weeks hospitalized. It took me a fuckton of harships to reach my current semi-stable state. I don't rely on parents for money or food.

Parents started arguing with me more about my newfound independence. For months the idea of suicide was non-existant in my head. Now it is back. I feel trapped and these two fucks that birthed me just make me more unhappy than needed. I can't just save money and move out, I am not stable or sane enough, the stress will make me snap and lose my job. My parents know I am severely mentally ill, they just choose to ignore it and talk to me as if I was a regular person.

I can't bear this pain anymore. Again, I've started dreading every single time I wake up. People hate me at work. Everyone hates me. My parents make sure I know I am a burden to them.

I am trying my best. I just want peace, I don't want anything else. Why is life so cruel? Yes it could be worse, it is getting worse.

I turned 28 years old this year. And feels hit me.
I hate my life. I hate my retarded upbringing. I hate my disabilities, which I was born with. I hate most of my memories. I hate people, who are similar to people that harmed me in the past. I hate my weak mentality.
But on the contrary, I m a weird person at the same time I feel lot of hatred towards humanity, but also I m emphatic guy with love inside.

In this world, in my situation I have 2 main enemies. Enemy inside of me and enemy outside. Enemy inside of my is my weak, passive mentality, which I was born with. Enemy outside are people who hate guys like me and who like to destroy person like me.
I cant change my mentality much, when I m already 28 years old.
My parents made many mistakes, when they breeded me. They teach me nothing useable. They taught me only useless and retarded stuff like:
>Always say good morning, when you see teacher, or some of my parents friends (that is retarded shit, they just wanted to make me polite). And polite men are just weaklings, who everyone makes fun of and they are never treated with seriousness
>They never taught me how to deal with bullies
>Never taught me that I should be assertive
>Never taught me anything, they just gave me food and shelter and forced me to go school, they didnt really care if I feel good at school, whether I get bullied, or not.
Some people should never have children. But at the same time I must say, even if parents are incompepetent, but child doesnt have dissabilities like me, he still has chances to be normal.

Which sleeping pills do you recommend to suicide? And what dose? Thanks. I don't want to suffer

I wish I studied STEM or IT instead, There's simply no jobs anymore for chemists out there. Take a look around, most people that call themselves 'chemists' haven't been able to hold on to a job for longer than 5-8 years. In fact, I bet most of the people I run into in the chemical industry have had 3, 4, or more jobs within the past decade. How can one ever expect to buy a house or be able to save for health insurance with that kind of job insecurity? The only thing this worthless degree in chemistry has gotten me are permatemp jobs with no benefits for $18/hr. I regret every single day of my life wasting time and money on this worthless chemistry degree. At this rate, it'll only take me the next 25 years between temp job after temp job to payoff all these student loans. I've done job search after job search and the only jobs out there are for A.)temps and B.) terribly mundane, boring, and low paying QC or method development work. There's a reason why there are so many listings for quality control/analysis/method development work–it's because people hate doing it and quit not long after starting which forces companies to constantly rehire.

For anyone who is reading this and has an interesting in the field, stay absolutely clear of chemistry and biology. It is a TERRIBLE career. There's never ending wave after wave of layoffs after companies get done their projects that fail after 5 years, more and more companies have moved to hiring people as low paid permatemps from the third world with no benefits, and there is literally no job security. If you truly love science that much, just be prepared to never be able to own a house or buy something nice every once in while because you will constantly be under the threat of job loss and may have to relocate at any time on a whim. would be better to have a back up plan–go to trade school, earn an accounting degree in parallel, or work for your state's police dept. etc. etc. Anything but trying to be a chemist is better. Believe me, if you try to delve into this crapfest you'll get to know the names like ManPower, Kelly Services, or Aerotek quite well as a permatemp.

Getting a PhD barely helped me either. I spent years and years slaving away doing worthless post doc after post doc for borderline poverty wages to have almost a slim to none chance at getting an academic position. A PhD in industry gets you almost no where these days also, I am simply be "too overqualified" fPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>Family insults me for eating too much
>Also insults me for being too skinny
>I take care of their dogs and cats for 8 hours a day
>I clean their house, do their dishes every day
>They expect me to be neither seen nor heard
>They've threatened me with a shotgun, and to bury me in the backyard

Why. Why the fuck is it like this?

I am severely mentally ill. This is painful to write.

I got hospitalized this year. I survived a rough crisis. Things were rough those first months of leaving the hospital. I eventually managed to find stable employment, started taking the proper meds, stopped self-harm and heavy substance abuse.

My parents didn't like me being independent from them. I have severe BPD comorbid with severe depression (recurring, not episodic). A person that knows me can easily manipulate me through intentionally triggering me. I am permanently paranoid of everyone, everyone is always trying to harm me. My mom is crazy too, she only wants me to have an emotional bond with her and no one else. She intentionally triggers me when I stand my ground on what I should do with life. She keeps doing it every single day now.

This is painful and scary. This succubus physically abused me all my life, a strong beating every single week, for years. Then she got a grasp of my mental health problems. She punishes me by intentionally triggering severe symptoms on me. I'm completely docile when I snap.

Suicide is back on the menu again. I tried my hardest. This is just too traumatic and painful to bear. Imagine being mentally raped by your mother over and over again non-stop for days, weeks. By your own mother. You snap. The succubus that birthed me genuinely hates me and I genuinely hate her. Today my father triggered me on purpose as punishment, right before being carpooled to work. So I arrived at work in a psychotic-like state. I was paranoid of everyone at work. I'll off myself, I'm too tired of life. I hate life.

I know it's finally time to kill myself and there's nothing else for me to do, my only problem is whenever I wanna try it (By jumping in front of a train) my body kinda shuts down and makes me unable to move, my heart beats goes through the roof, I get extremely stressed out and I sweat and shake like crazy.
Even thinking about it seriously does this to me.
I don't know if it's mentally or just my body's will to survive that prevents me.
Mentally I've been preparing myself for years to be able to do it when the time comes but so far I haven't been able to do it.
I'd really appreciate it if you guys could give me tips to try.

I was doxxed about one year ago and I am losing grip on my life and reality.

My life is circling around me and I don't know how to cope anymore. Almost everyday I cry knowing nothing I do will change the fact that I was doxxed and that my name is permanently attached to humiliating and embarrassing things online.

I'm completely ashamed of myself and I don't think I can live a happy or fulfilled life anymore. I've tried everything to fix this, but it is a problem that isn't fixable. I tried moving and getting another job, but I'm just as miserable as I was before.

I'm a paranoid mess that just wants to die. I'm living my own personal nightmare.