/dep/ - Depression

please post your experiences with anti depressants here

i'm starting on them (Citalopram) tomorrow and im scared that ill gain weight from it

I can't seem to find a place anywhere, not in normal society not in niche neet circles, the only question left is where do I go? where can I find a place where I won't be wished to leave if I don't act like someone else,

I hate this how do I make it stop, I just want to be intimate with someone or want to have someone who cares about me(user was warned for this post)

Without being edgy, my biterness against humans is leading me to glorify dictators,crime lords, the lumpen
Anyone else going trough this?im turning into a dark perso

How can I (metaphorically) put down the gun? I'm so exhausted and tired from just about everything. I have no talent or prowess to offer anyone. How can I achieve ego death and just become a comatose husk?

I am killing myself within the next month

How can I ensure that I will go to heaven when I die? I haven't been to church since childhood and I am a bad person.

Anyone else feel like normal people literally cant imagine what it's like to be an ugly autistic genetic dead end. They think it must all be in the person's head and that if they're sad for years it must be depression. They refuse to face the fact that some people just had no chance in life as that makes their place in society feel more valuable; like they acomplished not being one of us failiures rather than get there by chance.
There is mental illness, when an otherwise normal person sees the world scewed. Most common is depression, and god do I hate "depressed" normal people. They have it otherwise good and it all being just in their head is basically part of the diagnosis (sad for no real reason).
But I am not mentally ill, I am fully aware of my surroundings. I can try to view the world objectivly while still realizing that my worldview always will be tainted by my own experiences. I am not sad or """depressed""" because the chemicals in my brain are out of wack but because I'm disfigured and have very strong diagnosed autism. Why do I have to be classed as mentally ill for just seeing the situation as it really is? Unless I am wrong, which they can never demonstrate how, they will simply say you're depressed and not think further about any of your critisisms.
I fucking hate how """depression""" has been nestling its way into normal people's lives. Any time I hear someone joke "my therapist X" I think of this, a deeply troubled society.
Its very hard to put into words these feelings so Ive tried making them less abstract here with the example.
But does anyone else feel like this? If so maybe you could word it way better, expressing it is so very hard. I have a lot of feelings and thoughts I cant put into words on paper, maybe someone else is like this?
I hope my rant doesnt make me out to be a condesending "better than them" post or shit up the board.

I'm just so tired of it all. All the politics, all the insanity, all the soulless people, all the puppeteers moving everyone's string and feeling like I'm the only sane person around me. The worst is how I envy the puppets, they seem so happy and carefree, while I suffer in silence, slowly being consumed. I want to die, yet I'm too weak to do the job myself. I'm a hopeless romantic, and yet I am a ghost, invisible to those around. Even online, where I should be among others like me, I'm alone and cast away from the groups. I'm """good looking""", yet only see my rotten remains. It angers me so much how crab types are usually right, I want them to be mentally ill nutjobs, to not take their outlandish convictions seriously. It feels like I was specifically cursed from birth to have this shadow over me as punishment or simply to entertain whatever or whoever casted it. I'm hardly a religious nor spiritual man but I can't help but *feel* it. I try to improve myself, take my meds and go to my therapy. It only dulls the pain, the sickness is still there. Beside, I find it more and more difficult to keep going when I'm broken beyond repair. Why waste everyone's time when the outcome will be the same? The worst of it all, is how deep down, I know it's all my fault.

you can ask me anything.

31 years old and the copes I used to go to no longer really entice me.All I do all day is lay in bed will get up to eat,browse the internet,sleep maybe go on a walk sometimes. I could play a videogame,but never feel like it, anime, YouTube,twitch, nothing interests me.Food and sleep are the only two things that interest me anymore.

I literally just did nothing but sit on the computer beating my dick all day. Again.

Tired of this shit.

Is anyone else growing insane because of total isolation? I don't even feel human anymore.I sleep away the days and stay up at nights. And i keep repeating. I don't even know anymore what to do. I haven't seen sunlight in long time. My mind feels so broken. I am so tired