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File: 1768405638123.jpg (247.61 KB, 1280x960, 4:3, dreams.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

 No.305228[Reply]

I think age 31-32 was the point where I realized I'm too autistic and weird to ever have 'normal' things in life.

I will die either institutionalized or in some shitty rental with nothing to my name. Nothing that I dreamed about will ever become true.
35 posts and 5 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.309499

>>305228
Since 25 its as if the film reel that is my life ran out of film and it just kept spinning and projecting a blank screen.

There was never a sense of urgency for me to "adapt" and get a respectable career once i graduated college. That sense of urgency that grips normies and compels them to achieve, network, form relationships just didn't exist in me. i never gave a shit about other people around me or my reputation etc. My parents divorced when i was 7 and i don't think they actually wanted to have children. Mom was abusive and died, dad is emotionally distant and never seemed to have actively engaged with me to mold and shape me into a functional adult. he just let me do whatever, so i just lazed around and fucked off.

I have this instinctive laziness. I bowed out of any classes that involved math or numbers at all. Got a worthless degree. I'm 35 now and I've been working as an overnight security guard for the past 4 years. I literally do nothing all night for 8 hours. I just sit at a desk. I'm on the clock typing this right now.

I feel like you have to be on some kind of continual, upward trajectory so that by the time you're 30 you're established and at cruising altitude; financially, professionally, socially, and romantically. I did "nothing" all of my 20s.

I enjoy the simple pleasures of life. a cigarette alone at the park, a local pizza, good pilsner, good books, and having peace and quiet without pressure from the world of normies or my family

 No.309583

>>309499
I feel as though I also had this weird sense of laziness during my 20s. I always had healthy anxiety to get things done, but I always thought things would eventually fall into place. Coincidentally I spent my 20s as a security guard until I decided to get a CDL. At 34 I now have this sense of finality. This is it. This is my life until I die, which I hope is soon.


>I enjoy the simple pleasures of life. a cigarette alone at the park, a local pizza, good pilsner, good books, and having peace and quiet without pressure from the world of normies or my family

I used to so the same but food no longer tastes like anything and beer just makes me fall asleep before getting fully drunk. It's as though my brain is telling me it's time to go and there's nothing more to do, not even have fun.

 No.309590

>>309583
>beer just makes me fall asleep before getting fully drunk

Wtf me too. Is this just an old person thing?

 No.309595

>>305228
I don't know what "for the better" would even mean. I have no dreams or ambitions or goals. If I could ask a genie for anything in the world I don't know what would help me without completely restructuring my personality to be a totally different person.
I guess the answer is no since I don't believe it's actually possible to rewire your personality in that way.

 No.309603

>>309590
I have no idea, it certainly seems like it.


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 No.307650[Reply]

I have become increasingly depressed at the state of discourse about almost any subject. Look at the opinions of most people and discuss their reasoning with them; they do not really have reasons based on experience or logic. They are just saying things they think are normal to say. They imitate others. They understand the world through memes. Zero actual curiosity or critical thinking skills when it comes to discussion of politics/culture/history/science/art. Everyone just parrots what they think others think. They think in memes. Partly to fit in and achieve social acceptance and partly just monkey see monkey do like a child or animal.

Democracy is a failure because most people have no idea what they are voting for or what the consequences will be. They just follow the cultural memes. The internet has exacerbated this. Most people’s political views or views on the culture are just glorified SIX SEVEN repetitions - people have no good justification for any of the ideas they follow.

It might sound arrogant and supercilious to say these things. I worry that I am not that different and I just copy things sometimes by instinct. Makes me wonder if the self even fucking exists and we are just biological self replicating robots copying things.

Depressing. Enraging.
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 No.308922

>>308903
Before I read an "in-a-nutshell" explanation of his ideas and some of the examples maybe…





…i would like to say I do find myself in the situations when the very feel of being pushed to the limit creates strong emotional feedback within my mind.

 No.309003

>>308903
Thank you for this recommendation. This is fascinating. Listening to a podcast about him. Yes, the theory of desire being mimetic makes sense. As does the idea that the subject of copying becoming a rival. This being a basis of violence. Therefore competitive violence is, for want of a better word, natural or inevitable. Scapegoating becomes the way of attaining stability. Makes sense. One can see it in schools.

 No.309566

I know what you mean. The worse thing is what this means for effective education, law and order and politics. If people are just copiers then it sort of defeats the purpose of democracy. Nobody can even agree on what words mean so rational debate becomes fraught if not impossible (Hobbes).

Progressive parenting and schooling is built on the idea that kids behaviour is either rationally driven or driven by emotional problems created by experiences. e.g. ‘little Billy is acting out and getting angry because of some trauma that needs to be listened to.’ Similarly progressive approaches to law and order rest on the same concept; ‘people commit crimes because they had broken childhoods or make a rational decision because they are desperate for money and food.’
By contrast more conservative approaches to crime see it as a fundamental moral failing - sin.

If I am right and a lot of human behaviour is driven by literal f all except copying other and habit then it means that quite a lot of crime and violence and disruptive behaviour really is straightforwardly fixable by brainwashing, training and habit building.

 No.309577

>>307650
>Makes me wonder if the self even fucking exists and we are just biological self replicating robots copying things.

I don't know why you would ever consider those two things to be mutually exclusive.

 No.309597

>>309577
Yeah I did not explain the context as I was in an emotional state at the time of writing. I had been reading some Buddhist texts - one story about Nagasena and King Milinda stuck out to me.
You can read it for yourself: https://suttacentral.net/mil1/en/kelly?lang=en&layout=plain&reference=none&notes=asterisk&highlight=false&script=latin

I thought the only response to Nagasena’s thesis was that humans consciousness was the khanda that provided reality to the self. However, I have realised generally speaking human beings are not really conscious at all of their decisions. We just do things and our consciousness comes second. Our thoughts we experience are not our own. They come from another khanda not the conscious part. Our decisions and actions do not come from the conscious part of the khanda. They just arise and then we experience them then we pretend we made that decision. We are like robots.
Very depressing and disturbing.


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 No.306970[Reply]

I've seen this discussed in many threads so I made a thread for it. Many wizzies had had their life destroyed by psychiatric medication be it SSRI's, antipsychotics, benzodiazepines or others. A psych ward stay tends to leave you worse off. Some people get abused in psychiatric institutions. Mentioning you are sad and thinking about suicide to a doctor or nurse can get you forcefully restrained and tranquilised.
I'm suicidal but I avoid any medical help precisely for this reason.
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 No.309563

>>309554
What country? This is one of the issues raised by people covering the topic.
The number of disabled and just people being generally shit at their jobs is going up.
If they can't get anyone to care about people having their lives ruined, they might be able at least to get them to care that it is bad for economic reasons.

 No.309564

>>309563
Australia. Keep in mind ive been institutionalized pretty regularly. Sometime after covid the change happened. Its around 2025 it became very noticable. Theyve given up trying to wrangle the homeless too.

 No.309565

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>>306970
What about Hypnotherapy? There's that dude called Yapko or something and is popular at this field bacause he is against aggresive use of drugs, he even dont suggest use it (maybe in oddly specific cases to return to the middle in health mind but that's rare)
There's some CBT, Hypnosis and exposure therapy mashup people somewhere but i dont know how they work.

 No.309567

>>309565
hypnosis is mostly a meme. people psyche themselves out all the time but it doesn't last because it's not a deep, systematic change and there is nothing to hold it. the same factors that created the problem will create it again.

the thing with these mashup therapies is that combining multiple useless approaches just creates another useless approach. they should invent an everything therapy where they just go from A to Z and use every possible therapeutic technique until something works. it would save people time if they could just speedrun the disappointment and then go try something else, usually spirituality or psychedelic drugs as their last cope.

 No.309568

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>>309561
>When did middle aged housewives get hooked on them? Back in the late 90s and early 00s?
SSRIs were gently pushed to the publis as if they wee a dietary aid or boner pill. Someone could be "In the know" about them without ever having seen a doctor or read any reports on them. The symptoms SSRIs are said to cure are just the regular, temporary symptoms associated with menopause and having your kids leave the nest. These succubi were sold on the idea that their lethargy was chronic and that these pills would make them feel young again. They've always been the target buyerbase for SSRIs. The eruption of young people, especially men, taking SSRIs is a new phenomenon


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 No.309207[Reply]

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." - Hunter S. Thompson

erowid.org
psychonautwiki.org
16 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.309466

>>309465
This. Total richnog death. Now!

 No.309467

Alcohol has once again claimed me. I guess life just becomes too stale without it after a period of time. Maybe I should do acid again.

 No.309468

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>>309207
>psychonaut
You still can have trippy experiences without drugs.
All the things are in your nervous system.

 No.309542

I had to take opiates for pain relief and whoops looks like I'm addicted again :p

 No.309558

>>309468

Or backyard, for the botanically-inclined.


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 No.307038[Reply]

Other people make my life unhappy and miserable
I just wanna be left alone
What is worse then having to fight with other people toget what you want every step of the way
9 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.307081

>>307080
That's a really stupid interpretation of the statement. There's no need to deduce something so clear to similes involving material utlilty.
>A man who has the knowledge but lacks the power clearly to express it is no better off than if he never had any ideas at all.
Means that doing things ends up getting those things done, while just thinking about doing those things doesn't. There's no reason to revere those who simply think. Such reverence is especially unnecessary in the context of reflection, i.e don't get an ego boner because you know how to solve a problem but are too lazy to actually fix that issue. Your contribution to resolving the issue as someone who knows but does not do is worth the same as that from someone who doesn't know and doesn't do, because they both bring about the same results. tl;dr Do it, faggot.

I can't figure out the quote's relevance to this thread, but on the whole it applies to /dep/ well
>I want to die soo sooo bad and I've learned 500 ways to kill myself from suicide handbooks but I absolutely can not and will not kill myself because uuh willpower or predetermism or my mom will turn me in to a vegetable or something. You must pity me and revere me as though I am someone who actually did take his life though because me and him are like totally the same, in fact I am suffering more than they guy who actually did die.

 No.307084

>>307038
What is worse?
People acting like they know everything about you from taking just one look at you, or from reading just one of your posts. If you take their misguided advice, you will not only fight with other people on your way, but you will be going the wrong way entirely.

 No.307086

>>307044
Extreme laziness, gooning, idling in the comfort zone for too long.

 No.308754

>>307080

More like

"A car without any of a myriad of tiny parts that make it run is useless"

Say, you can flub up with not changing oil in your car or literally flub up not having worn out timing belt/some pump/brake fluid leak diagnosed properly and timely. And diagnosing cars is easier since cars come with OBD2 ports to plug a 10 USD car-to-laptop wire instead of 20$ for a _single_ vitamin deficiency test

 No.309536

>>307079
AGREED


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 No.303736[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

You will still be stuck browsing this thread in 2026 edition

previous>>296811
305 posts and 43 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.309630

>>309599
Every pizza store has been owned by penny pinching Indians so I've never been able to get discounted pizza at work, they will wait until it's several days old and offer me a 5% discount. Meanwhile I hear about the local mcdonalds essentially giving people 1 free meal per 6 hours.

 No.309634

>>309630
I'm lucky enough I work at a Speedway convenience store. When we got the shit to make it & our stuff works, we can make whatever we want and take it home for jack shit. FeelsGoodMan

 No.309653

Had an accident at work, "nobody is at fault", can't quite go into the details but I've had 5 months paid leave. Could take longer but they'd stop paying me after.

I genuinely dont want to go back, in the 5 months I've been off I've spending my time walking, playing videogames, watching films and working on small projects. For the first time since becoming a wizard (level 8) I feel at peace. The money didnt hurt either.

 No.309683

>>309653
Money + freedom is the ultimate goal for a wizard IMO. Neet but without parents. I sometimes wish I had bought into that hustle culture thing when younger and just got a college degree and a high paying job so I could work on that FIRE shit. (Financial independence, retire early). I still want to find a way to do it without a job at all.

 No.309914

My succubi coworkers are so fat that they shake the desks when they walk by. Theres also the faggot guy who smells yet everyone is nice to, even though he talks like that one mad scientist character from courage the cowardly dog. extroverted freaks are the worst. Nobody does jack shit and i get stuck doing all the work.


[Last 50 Posts]

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 No.309416[Reply]

I live with a disgusting hag who is supposed to be my grandma , this bitch is the worst whore i have ever seen in my life ,
it's been like 2 years since i started living with her , a pathetic evil 80 year old zombie who is despised by her own sons and daughters , no body spends above 5 minutes with her , she treated her sons and daughters like slaves and treated them horribly when they was young and still does
she tries to do the same with me but i have anger issues and i always make her regret fucking with me , but Its all so tiresome .
and to make matters worse she smells like piss , which makes me want to vomit , a disgusting pig rotting in her black room all day waiting for death , with everybody waiting , i always pray to god that she dies so i could live peacefully in this place and my room peacefully without having to deal with this hell , also leaving is not an option unfortunately .
living with a vile hag is the worst nightmare possible , i wish i lived with worms instead.
14 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.309513

How far can you push it? What would happen if you just dumped a bucket of soapy water on her? What if you just sprayed her with deodorant? What if you just tell her to STFU when she nags? I've dealt with similar situations and I've essentially buck broken old hags that have been notorious witches in everyone's lives. Of course all legally and morally, don't get yourself in trouble. My grandmother is like yours but I've only ever lived with her for months at a time as a child. She quickly realized I'm not a problem if she's not a problem and we didn't become good friends or anything but we had a cordial arrangement.

 No.309514

>>309436
Modern healthcare seems hellbent on keeping old fucks alive and fucking over the younger ones. It's baffling to see.

 No.309515

>>309458
Sorry to trip post to admins watching me.

A job would be nice too as it's time away from her. I currently like my job largely because my mother wont be there. She seriously stands in the doorway and just looks at me. it's like she's under a spell. She often just comes into my room to sleep on my bed and snore like a fucking ogre

 No.309524

>>309433
There are no savings , the only thing i will get from this after she dies is a room for my self which i wont pay rent , maybe a whole apartment alone if i am a little bit too optimistic , still worth it?

 No.309534

>>309514
Modern healthcare hates people and doesn’t give a fuck about their health but keeping them alive and acting like they want to cure illness and treat pain is its main primary source of income and means of reproduction. They don’t actually want you to heal because at that moment they couldn’t extract money from you. They keep old people alive because they generate more monthly a fit 30 years old. They hate fit people.


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 No.309505[Reply]

All this time, I was with the grim reaper without realizing it.
I didn't realize why I was stressed, depressed, and weak from the beginning of junior high and high school until graduation. I missed four years of school because I had already graduated. I didn't realize that all of that stress, depression, and weakness from the start occurred because during that time I was suffering from a chronic infection in my wisdom tooth, which had already erupted. And yes, I recently went to the hospital for a checkup and learned that I had a chronic infection in my lower jaw, in the area where the wisdom tooth had erupted. I researched the risks on Google and Chatgpt, and it turns out that chronic infections in wisdom teeth that have erupted are indeed fatal and death.

 No.309525

Please anon , go to doctor , and more importantly , dont believe anything that A.I says ESPECIALLY Gemini , this failure of an invention is the worst source of false information possibe , and above being a fucking coward , it does mot hesitate to provide stress-inducing info when it comes to unpleasent situations in general , yesterday it supposed my apartment is full of mice only because i told it there is one dead mice in my kitchen that i poisoned but can't find its dead body , then i got pissed off and told it to shut the fuck up
lt keeps trolling and providing stupid false info until you get pissed off , now go to doctor , anon.

 No.309533

we all must die one day


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 No.303825[Reply]

Would they? I've been thinking.

My mom is already LDAR'ing due to the debt and she's already lost one child, so I think either by suicide or stress she would die. My dad? He didn't seem to care that much when my stepbro died, but I am his firstborn. I don't know really. My little brother would probably just turn into me. That's my only concern. Everyone else, would cry for a day maybe.
41 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.308894

At this point, no. I know one person who would be a little sad but not surprised I went through with it and life would continue on. I might as well be dead now, I work nights and live far away from civilzation, I only go into town once or twice a month, preferably on a weekday morning when all the npcs are gone, though with summer comes all of the families with their screaming shithead children.

 No.308895

>>308869
They just want to remove the symptoms with medication, not the cause. Npcs are insane narcissists so it can't possibly be their fault when people want to drop out of society.

 No.308932

Some might. My brother certainly would and I would feel terrible for leaving him with that. My dad has enough problems already with aging and constant aches and pains. We've always got on alright and he's always tried to help me, ineffectual though it was, my suicide would probably leave him catatonically depressed as he'd think he failed me. In some sense he did, but that was more a team effort; my mom would care but I wouldn't care that she did.

I would like to think my colleagues would care. I work in a place that's understanding of mental health issues and they know I'm a bit peculiar. I wouldn't mind becoming some tragic character in their life-story, though they'd probably move on quick: "He was a nice enough guy, that's sad." They're the only people I actually see in real life besides immediate family so I've naively grown quite attached to them. I expect the feeling isn't mutual. They have their lives, I don't have mine.

Besides that, a handful of online friends would be concerned if I went offline permanently. Though if I ever kill myself I think it'd be fun to create an autobiographical website type suicide note, which I'd probably send to them, or leave somewhere online.

 No.308962

Nobody would care if I killed myself, everyone treated me like a joke, people in public and my family, I move a lot and because of that I have no friends, I’m so lonely that sometimes I feel like I’m going insane, I’m a neet and I hate it, I serve 0 purpose in life, I’m so Lonely, maybe life would be better after, ide like to imagine that after death it’s calm and warm with a nice breeze and you wouldn’t be trapped in a body, all succubi are sexist bitches, I’ve been treated horribly by succubi they’ve lied to me and have been fake to me, my family would be relieved if I’m gone, I have no energy to do anything I can’t even properly take care of myself, they’ll just see it as more room in the house once I’m gone, my sister would be happy and my parents would be happy but pretend to be sad, someone please help me

 No.309529

My mom would be upset she looks like a bad parents and fear of legal retaliation from the state


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 No.308091[Reply]

What is everyones thoughts on leaving a suicide note? Is it necessary for closure for others? A way to get everything off your chest before you ack? Or just a waste of time?

I have been staring at my .60 cent retirement plan, and am not sure if I would just like to go out and just have everyone guessing. Or if its right to leave a note. Most of my family thinks I am useless or lazy. However they have no introspection on that they are the ones who raised me.
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 No.308824

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I don't think it's absolutely necessary, it depends if you want them to know about something or not. It can be useful if you want them to do something specific after you die, like cremating your dead body, or not sharing the cause of your death to anyone. It's also a good way to say what you were afraid of telling others when you were alive, maybe telling everything you hate about someone or how your parents failed at raising you, etc.
>>308675
Based.

 No.308913

I always felt like suicide note is illogical. The whole point of choosing the way out is that you don't want to deal with life's bullshit and/or impact it in anyway. Why give orientations to a world that hates you? Just leave and say nothing is the non-soy way.

 No.309414

It depends on whether or not you care about the people you're leaving behind. If I ever were to kill myself I'd leave a note just so that I can give my parents some form of closure.
>Most of my family thinks I am useless or lazy.
>they have no introspection on that they are the ones who raised me.
If you dislike them I think killing yourself without saying anything is far more impactful than leaving some note whining about how awful they were to you. Your actions would speak far louder than anything you could write.

 No.309437

I wrote one when I was looking for a location. It was an apology to whoever found the body, my name for IDing to cut down on wasted man hours, and instructions on who gets which box of crap they could sell on ebay. I had one for a cousin, one to help initial therapy for whoever found me, and one for a childhood friend I had.
Just couldn't think of much to say.

>>308675

At least my mom's always had enough compassion to hate circumcision. She work as an L&D nurse and refused to help circumcisions. She also told my dad she'd divorce him if he had me cut while she was out of it after having me.
So there's always good ones with sane views on mutilating babies, they just have no power in a medical system obsessed with it.

 No.309528

People had 32 years to get to know me so one extra note isn't going to change anything.


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