/dep/ - Depression

Normies, especially succubi just love to complain. I bet your mother has nothing of substance going on in her life either, if she was happy and had hobbies she wouldn't be so up your ass. nagging and bitching is a popular female hobby

>>306727
A-ha.

go stern like a gray rock
ignore her as if you are out of love for her (not true, but…)

>>306783
>but I can go and live with my dad because my parents are divorced


Good for you, because my father was shouting very loudly and threatingly on me when I tried that option…

>>306783
>>306783
Move with dad

mine used to love me
maybe she still does deep down
but our relationship is irreparably damaged beyond hope

she doesn't insult me or make mean comments
we mostly just don't talk beyond the necessary, or see each other much despite living together

Finished some Cisco Academy Pathway courses in hopes to break into IT and leave the call center hell but now the actual certification cost 125 bucks which I cannot afford.
Whole thing makes me feel I wasted my fucking time if I don't Pay for the cert.
Trying to break into anything at 35 just feel hopeless.

>>308473
>I feel like such an imposter.
Same here. It's incredible how hard it is to find a job but then when you do you get paid to do absolutely nothing all day. I'm by no means complaining, but I can't quite wrap my head around how I'm getting paid when I provide nothing of value.

Everything is just one big farce.

>>308480
Life is a series of playing pretend. Why else would actors be so highly esteemed?

I'm fiyad, brews.
What's left for me? I have no skills, no talent. Idiotic-autistic, can't fake happiness.
Should I look into any religions before I blow my head off? I was raised christian and I'm retarded so I'm still kind of scared of eternal suffering

>>308484
tell mommy you love her and you need to move back in? that's what i did.

that's kind of hurt reading your thoughts because sometimes I laigh at things and depression comes out of nowhere and the joy I had transform into a bittersweet emotion which is hard to carry because of how heavy depression/sadness is. your post reminds me of that

>Creating art
>Expressing yourself
>Making your kinsmen smile
These are all normal things to enjoy and just about every small children's cartoon has been pounding that in to kids' heads since forever.

>i know and they enjoyed it
i don't want to ruin your peace but i'll just feed you this thought that you should keep yourself prepared for when your brain starts returning to the baseline and thinking rationally again. maybe it'll never happen, but just in case.

>>308427
>>308427
>our brain starts returning to the baseline and thinking rationally again

>implying him finding enjoyment in delighting others is irrational
>implying his happiness is.. a COPE
Piss off.

sounds fun, you should do this more often if it makes you happy

>>306265
I recently dropped out of a computer engineering degree after trying to make it for five years. The coursework probably would have been manageable but I was also working part time alongside it to be able to upgrade my PC, buy games etc. It was those IT gigs that really killed my spirit for the field. I went in thinking similarly to this ideal of Eli you mentioned. I was interested in computers and inspired by the stories of the olden C-era days where a bunch of really smart guys just got together and wrote the UNIX operating system and so on. That philosophy of understanding the machine deeply and writing small but really fast programs that you can chain together to do really complex stuff resonated with me. But once you work in the field it is exactly what you describe. Even IT companies rely on big tech software packages as much as they can, and you are just gluing together various big tech APIs or hacking together shitty Python scripts that will be used for a few months and then abandoned. Everything is just about delivering "something" as fast as possible and not really worrying about how it will fuck you up in the long term because you just hope that by that point there will be a new project or you start from scratch anyways. It was so demoralizing to see that this culture of wanting to deeply understand the tech and underlying issues and creating elegant solutions for them has been completely replaced by this ugly, horrible, boilerplate-off-the-shelf-parts "just ship it" mentality. It killed my spirit for all things tech, frankly. Now I am NEETing, though I will apprentice to become an electrician with a municipality in the fall. If I can get hired on afterwards then as far as I understand it's very rare to be fired again as a public employee. So there's that I guess, even if the pay is less than private sector work. And who knows, maybe that job will fry me in some other way and make me quit, though then I'd really be at my wit's end as to how I could make a living. As for being filtered … where I live most apprentices start after school at 16-17 yo, I am a decade older than that. So economically I'm way behind what would be expected, not to mention socially. I don't really feel "culled" but perhaps that's because I'm still comfortable materially, even if I don't see much of a future for myself and most people would probably call me a loosePost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>306744
>>306273
>>306265
Eh. Really? You wanted to pursue a career in computers and electronics, but got into trouble? So did I. Tried to enroll into an uni, dropped out due to being unable to grasp the basics. Tried again. And then again. Ugh. My mom would shut me up had I tried to bring up the topic of changing careers.


Funniest thing is, I can afford my bread and butter though. But it has nothing to do with programming qua programming…

>>308445
>computer engineering
I'm actually pursuing the same degree. It's nice to know that someone else has the same ideals & interests.
>after trying to make it for five years
That's a long time for a Bachelor's degree. Did you at least receive a degree, even in another field?
>It was those IT gigs that really killed my spirit for the field.
Explain.
>where I live most apprentices start after school at 16-17 yo, I am a decade older than that.
Even for someone who has just left college after 5 years, that's still old. Did you take a gap year(s)?

>>308455
>That's a long time for a Bachelor's degree. Did you at least receive a degree, even in another field?
Yes it's a long time. I started uni late because I switched schools in my final year and then had to wait for the new term to start and then redo the last couple of school years to get my diploma (that's just how it works here when you switch schools). So by the time I started uni I was almost 21 already. I did not finish my college degree, no. I basically just kept myself going through sunk-cost fallacy thinking and trying to gaslight myself into believing in that 100% remote job at the end of the tunnel.
>Explain.
Every IT gig I worked (by that I mean jobs in actual IT companies, not IT departments in normal companies, since those tend to be more tech support, office expert and what not) was some kind of demoralizing. I witnessed job cuts, outsourcing and offshoring. I saw people not working on cool technical problems but instead spend their days in Teams meetings, frustrated and exhausted like a boxer on the ropes. Most of the work is project management, clarifying and re-clarifying and changing requirements according to what the customer wants. Everyone was constantly frustrated and tired. Best case they had a kind of fatalistic humor about the whole thing and worst thing they just kept dredging along because they had families that relied on them for income. That was the future I was looking forward to if I stayed in that field I knew, but I also had already invested years into the degree so I was paralyzed and unable to just quit, making it worse semester by semester.

The average guy who has been successful has almost 99.99% of the time been helped by family or friends in someway. You have to make money to earn money. You typically cant just throw yourself out there and expect to succeed.

It's what you do with your resources and how you use them that make you survive.

>>303176
I've been thinking about buying some of that

>>303176
I wish it were that easy:
> Light skin
> All year round summer hot place
> take Fish Oil and Vit D + K supplements everyday.
> plus other 12 or so supplements more

Still miserable.

Creatine Monohydrate should be supplemented because to get a full working dose one would need to eat an entire chicken dinner's worth of beef. It's vital in the human body's functions that relate to not being unhealthy. I've been taking it for years and I'm very strong and smart and large.

>>307661
That seems like a lot to take in but many men's health support supplements cover much of that in two doses. Ideally much of this shouldn't be supplemented but rather acquired through an actual balanced diet, but that would probably give a caloric surplus for the average NEET.

>>308003


I ask a chatbot (cheap DeepSeek, nothing fancy) to be a decent time-managing coach for me and tell DS some tasks off my head… get a timetable… tell DS some more… get a bigger timetable - bam! Now I have a three hour time-table for tomorrow :)

>>308402
Update: it's done and many more

lol did you abuse drugs as a kid?

>>307567
tried to only got prescribed ssri's
>>307571
no
>>307572
no

Sounds incredibly annoying. I hear voices and sometimes they get aggressive, this just makes me not want to be here anymore. If things aren't going to be comfy and I must listen to this bullshit I'd rather hang myself.
Maybe to solve your problem you have to learn the trick of "not taking things personally", "controlling your emotions"?

>>307557
did you see him?

Once you start getting heart problems you'll look back at how petty and stupid this is OP. I know you realistically think you'll deal with it, but you'll see your old self able to go for long walks without a headache and not being on medication and think "what a fucking idiot for not appreciating what I have".

I basically stopped being angry after I got put on blood medication because I realized what it was doing to me. It's poison.

>>308059
well whats your lifestyle do you exercise,do you go outside,do you eat well.Do you live a sedentary lifestyle.You arent that old yet but you are gonna rapidly age if you dont take care of yourself.

We're dying machines. We were made to exist so that we may die. Everything we do or don't do leads to death. It's only at death that our fate fulfilled.

>>308134
OMAE WA MOU SHINDEIRU

>>307521
I think when my realisation of mortality hit was when I was in 5th grade, which is what our school called "senior school". 1/2 was Juniors, 3/4 Middle, 5/6 seniors. I distinctly remember being in 2nd grade and thinking to myself. "I'll never be in senior school" The concept of that many years passing by didn't register, I didn't internalize it in my mind quite like this, but it felt like I'd become 20 years old before I turn 7 years old and become a senior in school. I realized that time can just fly by when you look back despite the present taking hours for even 10 minutes to pass. I say this as I'm approaching 30 and my mindset is similar. I often think I'm 40, sometimes I think I'm still 20. I really don't get it. Most times I'm not under this spell and I know my real age, but it's still weird. I feel like Im the same kid at 5 years old nothing has really changed just added responsibilities and pain.

>>307968
I was responding to his complete denial things don't go really bad irreversible one day and it's inevitable. He sounded like a normie trying to enforce "the normie rules".

I am coming to believe there is a correlation between anxiety and ecstasy. You can get rid of one but you will lose the other through medication (principally Prozac). Maybe masturbation affects your ability to socialize, but you know what really affects your ability to socialize? Being fucking poor.

>>307608
I believe he says that comparing lolis to those degenerate fetishes is not fair. Which I tend to agree with, even though I don't care much about lolis, they aren't the same as some sissyhypnogoonclowning or whatever.

>>306545
Yeah i do It mostly out of boredom, but because I literally cannot find a better activity. I tried many hobbies during the course of my life and honestly they're all boring and feel like a chore. I would rather just sit and do nothing or sleep than having a hobby, but porn gives some ecstasy and dopamine. I also play videogames occasionally but not as much as I used to when I was a teen.

Unironically thinking to start sleepmaxing, maybe learn to lucid dream too so it's actually fun.

>>306545
If I have something to do and am sleeping well I don't do it for months without even thinking about it. If i'm not sleeping and I can't focus on anything it's hours a day

I did no fap for 70 days once but now I realize that was fake it didn't interrupt the addiction. I now genuinely have lost all interest and don't think about it at all and even when stumbling upon random material when browsing the web it doesn't do anything. Not sure if this will go on but it's the first time for almost two decades that I'm not prone to pornographic material. Certainly it's liberating I even play single player video games again.

>>305968
Silly wiz, it should be "agriculture, gunmaking"

>>305968
>growing guns out of the soil?
Gunpowder can be made with nitrates washed from the soil, and carbon burnt from its foliage.

what a dumb shit I just read

incoherent gibberish

nothing but inane comments

>>308279

I just listen To People. I remember what they say and react To something 1% of the time. I get positive reactions. This is a lot better than being silent 100% of the time. I was In a work outing yesterday. Was silent 99% of the time. Just listened.

>>308290
If you're in the first world you can get any job, then have a serious accident on it and get hurtbux for life. You can then work for cash under the table when you need to upgrade your gaming PC.

>>308292
lol if it was only that easy. The first world isn't this magical land of wealth, mainly because too many of you turd worlder flocked here and put a strain on all the resources.

>>308358
Just let him live in his delusion because he ain't getting out of it anytime soon

schizophrenia, hearing voices
if I had a guarantee my mind would return to perfect I might trade a finger