/dep/ - Depression

I'm going broke, and I really don't know how to deal with this fact. I went to 4 doctors to treat it, but none of them worked, and no matter how many medications I took, I was never able to overcome this problem. But these only caused me terrible side effects, such as fatigue, weight gain, apathy, a lot of disinterest in everything, and alopecia, but they were never able to attack the impulses. Violence never stops.
Sometimes I blame my family for raising me in such a violent environment, but then I think it's better to bury the past and look forward. But sometimes it is difficult, since it is not about the violence of 10 or 15 years ago, it is about things sometimes from less than a week ago.

I feel like an alcoholic, where instead of keeping a place free of that poison, it is offered to me in all shapes, sizes, colors and flavors.

I am that same Indian guy who made the post about having C-PTSD and living with abusive parents. I have hit a new low, I think I am becoming low T, I check every symptom on the box, having brain fog, constantly fatigue, constantly sleepy, not being able to get it up anymore, no more morning woods, and no erections.

The problem is this, I am still a student and the effects of having low T are affecting my studies greatly, risking me going into a negative feedback loop where I feel like it's gonna take a toll on my studies. And thus reduce my likelihood of getting a job. I have managed to start gym after intense fighting with my parents.

But there is only so much I can push them as someone who is dependent upon them. I am sorry to post this here, after few long years, I just burst our crying today when my parents denied me to visit a urologist, while I have no symptoms (apart from slight shrinkage of my testicles), I probably have Varicocele too.

This is more of an SOS post, please if there is someone here who can take me away from my parents please do. Please give me a home, some love, some help to fix myself. I hate my life, I hate constantly being low T. My parents also hate all sorts of medicines, and they are going to freak out if the doctor recommends a surgery for varicocele. I can't get a job in this tough market either. It's truly hellish being a crab in the third world shithole.

Low T is affecting all areas of my life, and there is no redemption in sight, is my entire life going to be like this from this point on?

How badly will escitalopram fuck my libido? Is it permanent? They're also 9 months expired is it still safe to take? Will it lower my heart rate?

Most parents in the west who aren't complete junkies or obese hillbillies, treat their kids like scions of their family who deserve all the best things in life, good education, good safe surroundings, high quality food, books, good parenting, vacations etc.

But in third world countries, there is an animalistic undertone to raising children. They are mostly just a nuisance and labour source. Nobody cares whether the kid is happy or not, or whether they receive a high quality upbringing or not. Everyone is just trying to survive.
5 out of 7 kids died due to disease or easily preventable mineral deficiencies?
Oh well. Not a much bigger deal than the adopted family stray dog dying out of malnutrition.

There is no higher thought involved, no planning for the future, no setting up a dynasty to last for centuries and ensure the family line goes on and does well in society.
No, there is just animalistic survival where nobody gives a shit how the kid is doing. They are just an annoying byproduct of sex, which the parents had unprotected because that's the only entertainment they can afford.

I hate being born into a third world country. All my peers are fuckups as well because not only are their parents dumb, they didn't raise them at all. They had to fend for themselves and figure stuff out alone. The parents are completely useless illiterate animals.

I've been on finasteride for 2 years and I just lost my job and had to move back with my parents and I noticed that my hairline is receding it looks bad, my hair is thinning too, even the back and sides are thinning so I will never be able to get a hair transplant. I've always been anxious about going bald because I have a really bad head shape and I just don't look good without hair, or well, i look worse than with full head of hair.
Balding young is fucking brutal and I don't feel like wearing a fedora or beanies it will make it all more obvious, i feel a pain in my chest and all this stress is causing me to lose more and more hair im in my early 20s but i look now like my male relatives who are full in their 50s.
I can't hide it and I don't want to be that bald guy everyone mocks.
Why it had to be me, wizards? I'm short and now balding, fucking life sucks and did nothing to deserve this.

What are your thoughts on the concept of missing out?

Because of depression and anxiety I spent most of my life in my room doing the same shit every day. I don't challenge myself with new experiences. I eat the same bland food every day. Sometimes I will see what's out there and I feel the pain of all the missed out experiences. But is it a real pain or imagined? After all no matter what you are always missing out on something as you can only be in one place at a time and even if you are busy 24/7 there is way more to life than you can experience in a lifetime. You could say that I can't regret the past because I did the best I was capable of at that time but I feel like a lot of the resistance to new things is more in my head and once I break the routine the pain is gone. Like starting a new video game instead of playing the same online game again takes willpower at first but once I am playing it I'm having fun and wondering why I didn't do it sooner.

I'm a deformed freak with this condition, I never even got braces. And now, because I didn't look after my teeth, my entire right side is sitting on two teeth.

I have no money and a few years I'll have my jaw entirely sink in, and be struggling to breathe. I may as well kill myself for being such a deformed freak.

I don't even care about the looks, I just want to feel healthy in my face. I'm a fucking living pug dog but in human form.

I tell people I'm deformed, I'm fucked up, it's not worth it. And they just tell me people deal with worse, that I have to learn to cope with it. But I genuinely don't want to, I'm at the point where I'd rather not exist than exist like this.

I'm going to talk about surgeries and treatments for this.

I want to rant about a certain succubus – my 8 year old sister.
She looks hopeless to me. She has extremely bad behavior in general (ten times worse than of a toddler half her age), she's shameless and degenerate (doesn't mind walking around the house in nothing but her underwear just because "it's hot", likes slutty clothes and behaves in slutty ways; doesn't mind talking about gross things such as literal shit, often opens the bathroom's door when others are inside as a "joke", etc), she's spoiled, she's addicted to YouTube and stupid phone "games", and while she behaves like a toddler in some areas at the same time she also displays manipulative and psychopathic evil succubus traits that wouldn't manifest at this age yet, etc.
Although I start my day in the afternoon (since I go to bed closer to dawn), I'm temporarily woken up every day at around 8 or 9 AM which is when she wakes up to go to school, and I always hear my mother screaming at my sister, and my sister also screaming back. Recently I even heard my mother have a breakdown because of her behavior (not the first time it happened).
At her best, she's just noisy and hyperactive and can't shut up and stop bothering others, and if I point that out my parents say that she's "just lively" or "just playing around" or "just a kid". Also they don't let me hit her back if she hits me (because they say it will somehow make her docile and accepting of abuse in the future).
I spent years hoping that as she grows she'll become better behaved, but if anything it looks like she's only degrading, so at this point I realized that she's a genetic failure, and her non-inherent negative traits have been solidified by now (by my parents spoiling her, etc) and are being constantly strengthened and thus should be nearly impossible to reverse. If you deny her anything (like jewtube, mobile "games", etc), she'll start screaming and behaving like a crazed beast (especially bad since I live in an apartment – what are the neighbors led to think when they hear it?), so she can't be "unspoiled" unless she was left in a schizo padded room for a week. By the way, she's not low IQ per se and if anything she seems smarter than average (although she behaves worse than a nigger monkey with 30 IQ), and she has decent looks, and of course, my mother is always complimenting her on those things and boosting her ego.
When she was conceived my mother was close to 40 already, and while that didn't make herPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

You see, I am what people call a waifufag, a genuine one. I fell in love with a loli from a very obscure edgy manga made in 2012 and finished in 2015.

I discovered her in 2022, and the few months we were together were genuine, the happiest in life, not even kidding, but then I made a fatal mistake, you see, because I was an insecure purityfag and wanted to know if she was a virgin because a lot of succubi in her manga have been either raped or sexually abused, but she is an exception. She gets stabbed, whipped, and beaten by her boss, who is like Stepbrother. 

I asked the author if she was a virgin, and he said no, and then I asked why she was not a virgin, and he simply said yes.

This comment, single-handed, destroyed me and made me fall into despair through the entire half of 2022 and the entire 2023, and now 2024, I really can't let go of it.

Gentlemen, it's completely done for me. At the age of 21, it's done for my cock. It's ruining my fantasy life. I have been so stressed out from work and studying that no longer does my dick feel alive. I can't get an erection using my imagination, for past 4 months I have had no morning wood, even if at this point some miracle was about to happen I would still stay a virgin. And this is despite the fact that I don't have death-grip and haven't watched porn for past 7 months.