/dep/ - Depression

how do some people make it so long.

i dont get it. im always so close to killing myself .

i hate myself .

Does anyone else hate his own body? I hate mine so much, I feel uncomfortable in my own body the whole time, it doesn't matter what I'm doing, I feel dirty, sick, detqched from my body. I want to get out of my body.

Starting a new anti-suicide general as the original has been bump-locked.

Helping wizards to understand that persuasive feelings of suicide can be bested.

Further the discursive spirit of this thread will remain the same as the first: to counter the general luring tenor of sadness that defines all the other threads through sharing positive practical advice purposed to reducing suicidal behavior even when we feel most suicidal. Naturally, being that I started the topic, I will be the first to contribute.

(1) Know that I care about you guys deeply and sincerely. Call me a faggot, I don't care (many have already done this, to no worthwhile avail)
(2) Examine what you are eating. For example, gluten especially produces depressive/psychotic episodes in sensitive autistic individuals. Sugar also is not healthy for your brain. Delimiting ingestion of both is wise.
(3) Make sure you are getting sufficient sleep. Chronic sleeplessness or even a few days' worth of irregular sleep can seriously interfere with the clarity of our thinking.
(4) Clean up. Taking a warm shower and putting on fresh clean clothes always is refreshing and helps to break up darkened mental habits.
(5) Breathe fresh air. Open whichever windows punctuate your room and allow some wind to come in.
(6) Watch your breathing. When we are panicked, our breathing can become very disordered and we do not recognize the effect this has on our thinking. Take deep, purposeful breaths, and collect your thoughts.
(7) Respect yourself. You have done your best to survive in an awful world, and you should grant yourself forgiveness for any mistakes and the allowance to rest with a composed and balanced mind.

I've done my part. Anyone else?

I have always suffered in silence. I never speak to others about my suffering—whether it’s my family or anyone else. I have always bottled up my emotional pain. Besides, no one wants me, so there is no point in reaching out to others to build the kind of trusting bond where I could open up. The last time I cried was five years ago; before that, I hadn't cried for six or seven years—or maybe even longer, I can't remember. I am tired of living; I can't take it anymore. I am not strong enough to hold on to life. I just can't manage it. In any case, there are so many people who can't cope and who give up on life—and yet people want to save them? My heart is too heavy; it’s crushing me.

My rooster that I've had for ten years, who I consider my best friend and love more than anyone else, died Wednesday night. He was my only friend. He lived in the house with me and was the only thing that would make me feel better when the rest of my life would weigh down on me. I would go hold him and the rest of life would disappear and that would be all that would matter. I keep forgetting now for a few moments, that I can't go see him and hold him anymore.

I have had depression for my whole life adolescence onward, and I was afraid even 5-6 years ago of this day and thought it would be unsurvivable, and now it's here, and I do want to die. I dont want to live in a world where he isn't here with me. The initial shock has worn off and it's sinking in that my best friend is gone, and I'm not going to see him again. My mother is the only other positive presence in my life, because she knew how much I love him. She has stage 4 cancer and it's still unclear if she's going to survive it or not. She's essentially the only reason why I have not shot myself already. She was never abusive or cruel to me, so I couldn't do that to her even though I don't want to live anymore.

Did you ever have an animal that meant this much to you? People are cruel and petty and small. If an animal loves you it's genuine, they dont have ulterior motives or social performance.

Discuss your substance related coping mechanisms and how it pertains to your depression here.

I feel like a lot of people, especially older normies overestimate the abilities of the average guy and the problems that are out there to be solved in real life.

There is this old guy I listened to for the past decade now called Eli the Computer Guy and he often repeats this mantra that a tech professional should go out there pick themselves up by their bootstraps and solve problems for money.
Solve real world problems for money. Provide solutions using your skills. Over and over again while teaching people about making toy cars with a microcomputer or whatever.

Issue is there aren't any problems the average guy is capable of solving that people are able to pay enough for to make it worthwhile.
Maybe I'm low IQ and not creative enough, but that is the point I guess.
The average guy that got a CS or engineering degree and is now doing menial tasks at a big corporation isn't going to create groundbreaking solutions because everything worth doing, all the low hanging fruit and obvious problem/solution pairs have been done to death, patented to death or worse.

Big tech is so big that they offer a solution so refined, so solid, so cheap that no mom-and-pop shop will ever give you the time of day if those even exist.
The average normie is quite content with a phone which is basically a toy-ified computer gadget.
They don't need more.
Most even run their own little business from it using a handful of cheap/free big tech tools that if you were to offer a homebrew solution for it would cost an arm and leg to maintain without economies of scale.

What does a network tech that wants to "solve problems" do aside from running cable? You could lease a 10G fiber line from a big ISP and sublet it by wiring up a small village I guess?
Then the government gives a huge fucking grant to big ISP and they just wire up every small village themselves leaving you with nothing.
If you are lucky you can become a subcontractor doing menial tasks for the big ISP in a set region.

What does the average coder do now? Especially with the future of them limiting hardware/software access? Every app is made that a normie needs. Kinda like with websites.
Every normie uses less than a dozen of them, mostly through apps…
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>The more I seclude myself the more I long for human connection
>The more I interact with the 3D world the more I just want to be left alone
I literally cannot win in this life
I am always worried about doing the wrong thing, I am always lamenting all of my errors of the past
I hardly actually live

i keep wondering if all fiction could be unhealthy for the brain. human life is so short, a day has so few hours. how can you take one or more of these hours and flee to a place that doesn't exist and disconnect from your own reality.

places that don't exist have begun to repell me. my own reality has so many projects i would like to attend to that i feel gridlocked by not knowing what to do first. desire for fiction might be nothing but pure idleness.

i assume i understand the impulse, though i could be mistaken. when i was a child and were forced to attend child prison (school), the idea of no longer being able to explore the world at my own pace and instead had to spend time with the violent conformist was completely depressing. have them judge my intelligence based on how hard i could force myself to care what they thought was important in their desperate attempt to turn me into a mindless soldier and stomp all my dreams and interests in the process.

i'd flee into video games and at least videogames are interactive. in a video game i can make decisions, in school i was but an inmate without agency. but in a movie about a super hero, there is no interaction, the poor fool who watches this is but the passive recipient of centralized propaganda. i don't see how someone would accept this premise and spend time on this.