No.250632[Reply]
Hello, I really need help right now, most specifically from any fellow NEETs on the board.
I live in a place where NEETbux isn't really viable, so the only way to be a NEET is leeching off of my parents. I know they wouldn't get to the point of kicking me out, so I'm safe in that regard, but still, the advice I need right now, from anyone who's been in the same situation, is: How do you overcome the shame and guilt?
I know they love me, and I do love them, even if I don't seem to do so in their eyes, they probably see me as ungrateful and lazy, a dissapointing failure of a son. I understand the reasons for this, they were loving parents and did their best, and I gave them lots of hope in my academic years, always being an outgoing student.
For me to turn out like this is something that'd naturally make them somewhat resentful of me, but the thing is, either I'm a NEET or I kill myself, and I though that being a NEET would hurt them less. I can't live a normal life anymore, studying, working, it's all just too much for me, it's a lifestyle that makes me breakdown regularly.
If I'm going to live, it has to be as a NEET, in my room, comfortable, but most of all: Safe. I'm at peace here in my bed, with my laptop, door and windows shut, no notifications on my phone, no one else awake at home but me, this is the closest I can get to bliss, if I'm going to do this whole living thing, it has to be like this.
Still, seeing my parent's dissapointment, being a manchild while all of my old peers move forward in life, getting good jobs, buying their own homes and starting families, I don't exactly want any of those things anymore, but it's hard to not feel inadequate and ashamed, it's hard to not have even worse self esteem, but most of all: Guilt.
What should I do? Killing myself is an option, but I don't want to break my parent's hearts.
However, living the life they want me to live, it's just too much for me, I don't want to suffer.
54 posts and 6 image replies omitted. Click reply to view. No.251138
>>251136I think you should start examining the thoughts you have and investigating why you think what you think and if what you are thinking appears valid and worth integrating into your whole. upon examining everything as much as you can work towards actually changing that part of you that spawns these thoughts and holds these ideals which are underneath the conscious control either because they are deep rooted in the subconscious or simply automated patterns of thought.
It is not easy to change a perspective but as hard as it is, it is effortless because we can only ever guide ourselves blindly hoping to stumble upon the path and we nearly never actively steer the direction of the ship.
You need to be your own biggest cynic.
The good news is that you have a potential lead and that is your parents. I cannot give advice n whether it is a good idea to talk to them about how you feel or not but you know that answer. What I am about to say in no way invalidates way invalidates the experiences of wizards with anxiety since I know myself how debilitating it can be but if anxiety is the only thing stopping some heart to heart with your parents you need to try push past it and if you cannot do that there are other ways to share your feelings such as email or a letter.
>what should I strive for in life if I don't like anything?I can't tell you the answer however I can tell you something that helps. You need to avoid being a closed circuit which is extremely easy as a NEET let alone a depressed and stressed NEET. You need experience in order to manifest change and plant the seed for a potential passion or whatever it is. This applies to altering perspective also. Do not misconstrue this as some suggestion to go partying not that it really matters at the end of the day.
My point is that it can be anything including the mental.
I may be mentally fucked NEET that wishes they could vanish but I find such solace in the face of disaster because I have been fortunate enough to question myself and develop a philosophy that exists not as some systemized attempt at understanding the world but a way to live within the gay ass world.
No.251139
>>251137Mediocre relative to what's expected of me, from my parents and peers.
I feel like relaxing is something I have to earn for myself by putting in the work, if I just don't do anything that takes any effort all day long and decide that I want to relax then I'm just looked down on as a lazy and pathetic person by everyone else and I don't want that. I don't really feel that relaxation is something that has to be earned by everyone, anyone can relax whenever they feel tired and that's ok, it's healthy to take a break if you're tired, but I don't feel that this counts for me because nowadays all I do is relax, and yet I'm still tired all of the time, I just don't feel legit and deserving of anything good I guess.
>>251138I examine and investigate my thoughts all of the time, but never really get anywhere, no conclusions, at least not any helpful ones. I might need therapy, I don't know. Regarding my parents, I can't stand the idea of opening up to them about anything at all, mostly because I hate venting in general, and only do it here because it's anonymous, but in real life I always feel worse after doing so, it's never helped me, ever. Also, I feel ashamed, my parents are good parents and they work hard for me, and they always tell me I have an easy life whenever I complain about things, about how their lives are worse than mine and they envy me because I've been staying home all of the time. I feel ashamed to complain about life with them because it makes me seem ungrateful, because my problems don't feel real, and I also fear being shamed by them, even mocked.
No.251146
>>251139Is there a necessary connection between tiredness and relaxation? I think we have that prejudice because we sleep after we become tired, but relaxation is distinct from sleep.
Our organs are silent when they are satiated, and make themselves known when they are agitated. Therefore, taking it easy is the natural state of satiation, and buzzing in agitation is a state of hunger. Much work today is like the buzzing of wasps in an overheated hive, and yet everyone remains hungry. What actually feeds our spirits has been relegated to a luxury activity due to the focus on production, yet the more we produce the less of real value to us is actually made.
No.251147
>>251146I think you're right, but how are we supposed to cope with judgement? In this case judgement from family and/or our peers? How can one deal with others perceiving them as and/or calling them lazy?
No.251156
>>251147When we say we want to deal or cope with something I feel like that's already a defeat, it's a defensive way of thinking.
When you wrote you feel ashamed for complaining as it may seem ungrateful for instance, to me it is less a matter of shame than honor. In sparing dishonor for others you become the author of your own shame, and avoid the lowly pitying and moralizing that often accompanies ideas of shame. That is a more affirmative way of looking at your duty to your family. Similarly, those who always put others to shame disgrace themselves in their duty to humanity: to cultivate a more courageous way of life free from guilt.