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What can i do? I'm autistic homosexual that got bullied by everyone around me
I've always been an extremely shy and awkward child. I never dared to speak up or complain. One time in kindergarten a boy tried to drown me and i didn't even struggle out of politeness.
Does anyone have any advice on how to get over this 'judging' fear, or how to manage it? I know that the first step would probably be to just show something, but my anxiety flat out won't let me. How do I get over this extreme fear of drawing attention towards myself?


Familiarity breeds contempt. I know exactly the feeling you have. I have it too. But the more you are exposed to people, the less you will start to care of their thoughts and opinions of you.

Alternatively shut yourself off from them so you can be free in isolation. However this requires you to give up NEETing.


go work some dumb job so youre surrounded by dipshits regularly, maybe they'll bully you so you will probably quit that job, find a new one and go through the same shit again. repeat that process until youve either gained some confidence or you just despise people around you, both of which will get rid of the fear of drawing attention to yourself. There are probably better ways but thats what I did, took me like 4 years but I didnt know what else I couldve done. I still isolate myself as soon as I get home from work and do nothing but sit at my computer and I have no friends, so keep that in mind.


Light reading.
"Shy Children, Phobic Adults" (2007).

Hard reading.
"The Wiley Blackwell Handbook of Social Anxiety Disorder" (2014). The first two chapters is very good and explain several models of SAD in detail.
"Social Anxiety: Clinical, Developmental, and Social Perspectives. Third Edition" (2014).

I think you are not 'autistic' because autistic people are much less sensitive to social stimuli than general public. Probably you are some kind of 'sensitive schizoid'.
Your main problem is anxiety. Your amigdala is hyperactive, and it's not a 'social' or 'psychological' problem - it's rather a neurophysiological or biological problem which needs appropriate solution. You should somehow rewired your brain. You should lower the levels of adrenalin and cortisol and raise the level of testosteron.

Approximately in 40-60% of cases SSRI (such as Paxil) work very good, so there is reason to start with them. But I personally would highly recommend to start with psilocybin mushrooms or psychodelics in general. You can also try meditation (the book 'Mind illuminated' can be useful), regular aerobic training (~30 min a day) and low glycemic load diet (you need to buy a glucose meter and start tracking your blood sugar lever after each meal; 50 min after eating it should be < 6.5-7.0). It will eliminate abnormally high spikes of cortisol and inhibit your overreaction.


File: 1639512327046.pdf (901.61 KB, Battle for Normality by Ge….pdf)

Know thyself

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At first I thought I'm just getting older, but whenever I find a place for myself, sooner or later I realize how bad it becomes. Before I blink, the place I got used to is just gone. I don't know how to get over this.

All the people who used to be there are pushed to the side by the newcomers who doesn't care about the place or it's story. It's like all the new people just outnumber the old userbase and shape everything into their image rather than acclimate themselves to the culture.

Is the spike of popularity so detrimental?
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>when it is clearly subjective because many people enjoy it
Eating tide pods is objectively bad but for a brief moment it was popular with retarded zoomers.

This is the end of the argument, there's no point continuing this conversation because you are a disingenuous person who didn't come to argue here in good faith. Everything to you is subjective therefore there is no good no bad therefore there is no dialogue.

Man the fact you used a black succubus with a disc lip is such a bait tactic because I know you're a expecting a racist outburst from some /pol/tard and then claim you won the argument.

Commie blocks were a bad example dude. I suspect the dude is either wealthy or a zoomer, or a wealthy zoomer.


It is not "completely" subjective at all, most "hot" men have similar facial features, most "sexy" succubi have similar traits, as I said in my last post you can have subjective preferences but fundamentally all attractive people will share a grounded and objective basis in good looks, like facial symmetry or good bone structure, so you're saying nothing.

The pic you posted objectively looks silly, and I'm sorry but I don't trust subsaharan africans to have good aesthetic sense, even if the tribal chief thinks shes a 10/10 because she has a chunk of metal sticking out her mouth. Let's think about nature, almost everyone would agree trees and flowers are pretty, because they are, objectively, pleasing to humans. Even if you had a tribe of people conditioned to think flowers were ugly they wouldn't subjectively be right in their own particular ethereal way, they would simply be wrong. Now just because most things are more complex than a plant doesn't mean the same rules don't apply, and that people aren't conditioned with their own particular lack of taste to think decrepit miserable old towers of rundown concrete look good, such as yourself. Unfortunately most people are like you and have no aesthetic sensibilities at all, which is one major reason why the world is so ugly and lame and full of trash. I swear this is babies first artistic take, it's no good acting smug or enlightened when you admit you have no quality filter.

If everyone thought the same way you did nobody would strive to master any craft and we all would sit in nihilistic pools of mediocrity where nothing can ever be known and no beauty can ever be created, but I'm grateful at least some people don't.


>Eating tide pods is objectively bad but for a brief moment it was popular with retarded zoomers.
Grasping for straws so much you now resort to using digesting poison as an example, just lol.
>This is the end of the argument
Yeah cause you lost and can't come up with any more bullshit to try and convince people that your opinions are objective.

>The pic you posted objectively looks silly
It does not "objectively" look silly, you absolute gorilla retard. To people who are part of that community in Africa think it looks good, otherwise they would do it. It is subjective, stop being an idiot.
>I don't trust subsaharan africans to have good aesthetic sense
So you admit that different people have different aesthetic senses, meaning aesthetics are subjective.
>Even if you had a tribe of people conditioned to think flowers were ugly they wouldn't subjectively be right in their own particular ethereal way, they would simply be wrong.
What the fuck is this supposed to mean? You can't be "subjectively right", that doesn't make any sense. I get the feeling that you have no idea what subjective means.
>most people are like you and have no aesthetic sensibilities at all
So most people have different (subjective) tastes, you mean? Yea, that's true.
>If everyone thought the same way you did nobody would strive to master any craft
People master any craft that they subjectively find fulfilling, but you will probably claim certain crafts are objectively bad and anyone that practices them is wrong or a mindless insensible plebian.


>Yeah cause you lost and can't come up with any more bullshit to try and convince people that your opinions are objective.

Right on cue.


>It does not "objectively" look silly, you absolute gorilla retard. To people who are part of that community in Africa think it looks good, otherwise they would do it. It is subjective, stop being an idiot.
So what? It doesn't look good, the same way some punk sticking his hair out in 70 different directions doesn't, it might've been fashionable at a certain time with a certain number of people, but that doesn't mean anything. Some pretentious fag might smear shit on a wall and call it art, stunned by it's beauty or deep meaning, objectively it's shit. It's an extreme example but some things just suck, especially if we're talking about actual mediums of movies, games, etc, these things can be OBJECTIVELY rated, within a SUBJECTIVE frame. You might enjoy an rpg but understand its combat mechanics are fundamentally hot garbage, simple, what's so hard to grasp about this? There's absolutely no utility or enlightenment in being so simplistically floaty you think everything is subjective and so can't be rated objectively, it's this line of thinking that results in trash and you're the sort of person that would actively ruin the quality of things I like by not having standards, so yeah, screw you too.

>So you admit that different people have different aesthetic senses, meaning aesthetics are subjective.

No it doesn't mean that at all, all that means is some (most) people have a lesser grasp on what makes something good. Suppose there's a cast of characters you like and they add a new one that is completely messy, incoherent with the established visuals, and simply unappealing, if you were a shiteater you would say something "Huh well it's subjective so it's fine" even though said character was designed by somebody with intent, and the quality of their work can be measured and deemed fit or unfit for purpose. It's really not hard to understand.

>What the fuck is this supposed to mean? You can't be "subjectively right", that doesn't make any sense. I get the feeling that you have no idea what subjective means.

Ironic considering your entire argument hinges on the assumption that nothing can be known so therefore everything is right in it's own subjective way if you say so and nothing is bad because someone might like it. Don't try to Post too long. Click here to view the full text.


Any of you actually diagnosed with psychiatric shit? You probably rely on meds for your daily life, or been to jail or the psych ward. List goes on.

Got Clinical Depression (recurring) and Borderline Personality Disorder. Despite popular belief (succubi attentionwhoring) actual, real BPD is something between Bipolar Disorder and Schizophrenia. BPD is probably my biggest obstacle in life, I am aggressive and I tend to snap and do idiotic shit, almost got jailed last fistfight. Also got psychosis as a symptom when stressed.

How have you been dealing with your shit? Got no doctors available. I only take my anti-depressant, and I try exercising everyday. Definitely feels more tolerable. As in, you are tolerating the pain of walking with a popped kneecap, it is still inhuman to live like this.

I wonder how some of you been dealing with your illness through the pandemic.
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Hm, I was diagnosed with the same apart from the schizotypal stuff.

I was seeing a psychiatrist for months when I had insurance, but I always refused to take any sort of medication apart from benzos. I kept lying, then saying oh, xyz did not work, lets try something else, I'm really not sure why. I now have a big stock of seroquel, lamictal, lithium, abilify, and some others. For the lithium, I had called after a couple weeks and set up a new appointment so I could switch to something else since it's tracked via blood concentration. Although, if I did have to take something I think it would have been lithium, but being disposed to hypothyroidism and the eventual diminished renal function does seem to be a bit worrying. I even saw a therapist briefly, never has anything made me feel like such a fool. Scammed by my own stupidity and poor judgement.
Even though I just seem to get worse and worse as time goes on I don't think I will be able to convince myself to steadily take medication. I have just been accepting it slowly, realizing no matter what my diet/exercise regime is like, I really do not believe it softens the blow of when the depression comes back.
Lately I have been waking up and feeling a little bit better thinking to myself, "Ah, it's over now isn't it? Right?" Only to realize that it is very much not. I try to not beat myself up over it since that just makes it worse. But this week I am mobile once again and not just lying in bed 24/7, yet I am still having trouble doing anything physical, exhausting, and having some issues speaking(I live with my father who speaks to me, but all I seem to be able to muster are grunts).


Autism, I got sent to a special boarding school for autists. The school was actually ok but its a fantasy world as once you graduate you're thrown right back into the real world where nobody gives a shit again.


Try finding some support groups for autistic people in your city.


Deal with my shit by taking benzos (only med prescibed I use) and isolating. I distance myself from others so the interpersonal issues that come with being bpd don't overwhelm me and make me go insane. Have many disorders and life is not enjoyable.


I'm Bipolar 1 and in a pretty low depressive episode right now. It'll turn manic in a month or 2. Intense brainfog and amnesia but otherwise comfy

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>send music to dad <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOGu05q-Ch4>
>overhear dad listening to it
>he stops listening right before the best part
he didn't like it, i think it is neat :(
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my dad is the best dad in the world, he deserves the BEST and i failed at giving him something nice :'(

ur mom


no no no!! dont feel bad dads are dads and have dad brains you did ok friend *hug*. awwwww


thanks wizfren :) im feeling a lot better now *huggies* :D x) one day i will give something dad likes!
all dads deserves the BEST!


today i shitted


Moved to >>>/b/727374.

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I haven’t been able to consistently leave the house for the past 8 years, you know how people say “things get easier the more you do them”? Well it’s the complete opposite for me, the more I am involved in a public place such as trying to get an education the more the paranoia builds, until I can’t take going there any more. I am 26 years old an I have never had a job and I have no education beyond highschool and some random college classes I managed to get through with heavy medication.

Is anyone else like this? I am not even depressed I am just extremely scared about being outside, the thought of even leaving my front door sends thoughts of neighbors peeking at me, recording me, taking notes on me, etc. I can’t bare it
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You almost found the truth but you ended up lobotomizing yourself…


The root cause of social anxiety is always either a lack of social skills and experience that would afford you confidence (like any other task) and/or its a maladaptive identity that one is deeply flawed and unwanted and so on.

The first cause is more common and easier to solve since social anxiety gradually goes away the more you push yourself to deal with the social world and its complexities and develop an intuitive sense of how to navigate it and get what you need. This type of anxiety is just the normal side-effect of dealing with a problem space (survive and get your needs met in a social environment) that is important to you that you cannot properly wrap your head around in a meaningful way (yet).

The second cause is much more complicated and while more experience might improve your situation in the first case, in this case it might drastically make it worse. The more you fail or interpret ambiguous social situations negatively, the more evidence you have to support your "flawed" identity and the more ingrained it gets. Even if you behave in a socially competent way, there is still that "itch" that its not enough and that people harbor deep dislike for you. The paranoia makes sense when you know you are deeply flawed and expect people to react to you in a certain way i.e. being recorded, humiliated and/or simply disliked and hated. Even if people are nice to you, with your deeply flawed personhood, it is very difficult to believe that this is genuine.

The solution is still more experience, but just a different kind that might be difficult to get in every day situations. Namely, you have to be presented with significant emotional experiences that disprove your flawed identity and usually, people don't go out of their way to show this to you. For instance, a cashier will not provide this kind of experience, nor will your mailman or co-worker or even friends in most cases. A therapist might be able to do this, but since your relationship is based on a monetary transaction, this is often not enough.

The complexity of your identity is determined mostly by the web of significant experiences that have formed it and support it in the present. If you were treated terribly, bullied, made to believe you are flawed by several people who you were emotionally attached to (parents, siblings, "friends") then "undoing" the damage will require about as much positive experiences, if not an entirely radical re-interpretation of prevPost too long. Click here to view the full text.


It is desire, wanting… what makes us nervous and pathetic.

Embrace thyselves and forget what It is not for thee. Do not try yo seduce neither be seduced, for this how I stopped from being awkward to make normies feel awkward before.

Do as it is done to you. Do not chase to adapt, rather let others understand it is them who must adapt to you. Life became easier to me after so.


How bad is psychosis/schizophrenia? Psychosis runs in my family and I've always been a psychological mess, not to mention people with autism are several multiples more likely to develop psychosis, and the prospect of "losing my mind" terrifies me. I feel if I started hallucinating I'd kill myself, but I am worried my panic/anxiety is overestimating how unbearable life would actually be. If I was psychotic people would stop expecting as much out of me and I'd be free, but my mind itself would be turned against me more than it already is. I'm so scared, especially with the mild psychotic symptoms I had in my teens I have some silly notion that the neural wiring needed for true psychosis was laid down during adolescence. I've had worsening intrusive thoughts that aren't typical ones, dealing with paranoia (instead of hurting someone, I get intrusive thoughts about people conspiring against me), and it's only worsening the anxiety. Sleep has gone to shit in the last two months. I don't want to lose it but I'm not even sure if that's accurate to how it goes for true psychosis/schizophrenia.


If you are worried about going psychotic like this and can write that coherently then no, you are more than likely not going to snap and go schizo. Schizophrenics dont worry about "going insane" and could not write as well as you did

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Has anyone else gone long periods on inadequate sleep? I'd imagine this board is full of insomniac wizzes. My story:
>November 2019
>do Nofap for fun
>get job
>have to get up at 5:30
>go to bed at 11
>almost fall asleep standing up at work several times
>job finally moves closer as planned
>wake up at 6 now
>go to bed at 1130
>turns into midnight
>hate job more and more every day
>realize it's over
>strat drinking coffee to stop falling asleep at work
>around June 2020 I am hiking in woods when I realize that I don't feel real
>feel like I am watching movie
>I've been sleeping 5-1/2 hours a night for around 5 or 6 months now
>keep doing it anyway
>dissociate at work, floursecent lights and hissing air in manufacturing shithole doesn't help
>balls and dick shrink
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.
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been keto for over a year and off it and conclude there was personally not much difference. grains lack nutrition but give you energy.


waking up once for a little while then going back to sleep can be very normal. In fact iirc its exactly how most humans used to sleep before we got electricity that let us stay up later.
many times not so much, you could maybe try melatonin to see if it keeps you asleep


I keep waking up after 5-6 hours similar to this anon >>249953
Except i can't go back to sleep. I'm just probably too stressed from uni but I've never had trouble waking too early like this…


is this what it feels like when the voices leave


Recently I am completely unable to get up if I haven't got enough sleep. Doesn't matter what my commitment is. Work, college. I always oversleep. I need my full 9 hours. Even if I set my alarm on the other side of the room and put a math puzzle on it, I will unconsciously solve it and get back into bed.

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Anyone else here starting to miss quarantine times? I hate that normies go out again and do their socialising stuff.
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yea, I've hid in closets for hours when people are over sometimes, its just ridiculous


i don't know what it is, but being around strangers (or even servicemen i have seen several times) or driving around a high-traffic area gives me tangible migraines after a half-hour or so


My Mum has invited extended family over when its my birthday in the past and I've literally stayed in my room not even coming down to say hello to people, this included a dying grandma and her carer. I told her before hand I don't want people over.



I hope you had a good birthday, that sucks that your mom still forces you to interact with annoying normie relatives.

The vaccine will kill all that take it.

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Around late 2016, the long-form suicide note of a 28 year-old Japanese man (which had been saved in the Internet Archive) made its way here. I remember this in incredibly vivid detail because of how moving it was: he detailed how he dropped out of high school at the age of 16 in 2004, lived with his mom, and did little other than play video games. He detailed his childhood crushes in full, including school yearbook photos and their full names, and described how he used to visit one's house. He documented how his mother openly lamented his pitiful state, saying things like "I gave birth to you? For what?" and how he punched holes in the walls of his room in anger.

At the end, he outlaid how he planned on offing himself: hanging from an exercise bar purchased on Amazon. Presumably, this was successful.

I used to have the Internet Archive link saved, but lost it a few years back. Even before then, the page was deleted from within the archive for one reason or another. Does anyone here remember this and/or happens to have it saved someplace?

Pic related.
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Also I remember there was a couple of recording of his mom crying and saying "Hitoshi" they were very unnerving.

I actually feel bad for the mom, 2 of their sons killed themselves, and the husband dissapeared, no one ever thinks about your parents when you kill yourself?


I do think about my parents and it's a big reason why I never offed myself.

And it turns out at 31 my life did change for the better, so even though my adolescence and early adulthood was hell, I still have a livable life now with decent happiness and dopamine levels.

I just forced myself to see it through. But I was in the exact same spot as Hitoshi at 28, and I do admit I felt extreme sorrow, pain and misery daily.

I'm not saying it gets better for everyone, but in my case I just lucked out.

In a way it's never "too late". Though it does feel like I've just dreamt and skipped through a large part of life, but it no longer pains me.


How did your life change at 31?


It's the "cured my autism" guy. Ignore.


no fuck them they’re the ones who made me miserable damm to them to hell

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 No.248976[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
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Life is hell. The worst thing is different for everyone. For me it is repetition of feeling disintegrated with my head. There is no joy. Everything is designed to make me suffer. My very own brain was crafted to give me the worst experience possible. And yours probably was made for the same porpuse. If there is any purpose at all then it is to experience how everything is being taken from you, how good ideas, memories, feelings are ridiculed and raped by your own consciousness.


I have nothing to live for. It’s impossible for me to neet and all that’s left for me is brutal humiliating wageslavery for shut pay. I am very close to killing myself. I’d rather not live the rest of this shit life


He is close to the "my main is on Eredar" phase.
>point of no return

Offer yourself for house tasks, did you even try that?

Ah, new grimoires…

Warp waning requires persistence.


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mebbe you got into a coma after forking urself and everything up till now was a hell-dream. perhaps?!?
a vow of silence is what you must take!
solipsism is a perfectly viable worldview!!
we are watching your story unfold! your struggles are not in vain!!!


I do the very same

[Last 50 Posts]

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Hello, I really need help right now, most specifically from any fellow NEETs on the board.

I live in a place where NEETbux isn't really viable, so the only way to be a NEET is leeching off of my parents. I know they wouldn't get to the point of kicking me out, so I'm safe in that regard, but still, the advice I need right now, from anyone who's been in the same situation, is: How do you overcome the shame and guilt?

I know they love me, and I do love them, even if I don't seem to do so in their eyes, they probably see me as ungrateful and lazy, a dissapointing failure of a son. I understand the reasons for this, they were loving parents and did their best, and I gave them lots of hope in my academic years, always being an outgoing student.

For me to turn out like this is something that'd naturally make them somewhat resentful of me, but the thing is, either I'm a NEET or I kill myself, and I though that being a NEET would hurt them less. I can't live a normal life anymore, studying, working, it's all just too much for me, it's a lifestyle that makes me breakdown regularly.

If I'm going to live, it has to be as a NEET, in my room, comfortable, but most of all: Safe. I'm at peace here in my bed, with my laptop, door and windows shut, no notifications on my phone, no one else awake at home but me, this is the closest I can get to bliss, if I'm going to do this whole living thing, it has to be like this.

Still, seeing my parent's dissapointment, being a manchild while all of my old peers move forward in life, getting good jobs, buying their own homes and starting families, I don't exactly want any of those things anymore, but it's hard to not feel inadequate and ashamed, it's hard to not have even worse self esteem, but most of all: Guilt.

What should I do? Killing myself is an option, but I don't want to break my parent's hearts.

However, living the life they want me to live, it's just too much for me, I don't want to suffer.
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I think you should start examining the thoughts you have and investigating why you think what you think and if what you are thinking appears valid and worth integrating into your whole. upon examining everything as much as you can work towards actually changing that part of you that spawns these thoughts and holds these ideals which are underneath the conscious control either because they are deep rooted in the subconscious or simply automated patterns of thought.

It is not easy to change a perspective but as hard as it is, it is effortless because we can only ever guide ourselves blindly hoping to stumble upon the path and we nearly never actively steer the direction of the ship.
You need to be your own biggest cynic.

The good news is that you have a potential lead and that is your parents. I cannot give advice n whether it is a good idea to talk to them about how you feel or not but you know that answer. What I am about to say in no way invalidates way invalidates the experiences of wizards with anxiety since I know myself how debilitating it can be but if anxiety is the only thing stopping some heart to heart with your parents you need to try push past it and if you cannot do that there are other ways to share your feelings such as email or a letter.
>what should I strive for in life if I don't like anything?
I can't tell you the answer however I can tell you something that helps. You need to avoid being a closed circuit which is extremely easy as a NEET let alone a depressed and stressed NEET. You need experience in order to manifest change and plant the seed for a potential passion or whatever it is. This applies to altering perspective also. Do not misconstrue this as some suggestion to go partying not that it really matters at the end of the day.
My point is that it can be anything including the mental.

I may be mentally fucked NEET that wishes they could vanish but I find such solace in the face of disaster because I have been fortunate enough to question myself and develop a philosophy that exists not as some systemized attempt at understanding the world but a way to live within the gay ass world.


Mediocre relative to what's expected of me, from my parents and peers.

I feel like relaxing is something I have to earn for myself by putting in the work, if I just don't do anything that takes any effort all day long and decide that I want to relax then I'm just looked down on as a lazy and pathetic person by everyone else and I don't want that. I don't really feel that relaxation is something that has to be earned by everyone, anyone can relax whenever they feel tired and that's ok, it's healthy to take a break if you're tired, but I don't feel that this counts for me because nowadays all I do is relax, and yet I'm still tired all of the time, I just don't feel legit and deserving of anything good I guess.

I examine and investigate my thoughts all of the time, but never really get anywhere, no conclusions, at least not any helpful ones. I might need therapy, I don't know. Regarding my parents, I can't stand the idea of opening up to them about anything at all, mostly because I hate venting in general, and only do it here because it's anonymous, but in real life I always feel worse after doing so, it's never helped me, ever. Also, I feel ashamed, my parents are good parents and they work hard for me, and they always tell me I have an easy life whenever I complain about things, about how their lives are worse than mine and they envy me because I've been staying home all of the time. I feel ashamed to complain about life with them because it makes me seem ungrateful, because my problems don't feel real, and I also fear being shamed by them, even mocked.


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Is there a necessary connection between tiredness and relaxation? I think we have that prejudice because we sleep after we become tired, but relaxation is distinct from sleep.

Our organs are silent when they are satiated, and make themselves known when they are agitated. Therefore, taking it easy is the natural state of satiation, and buzzing in agitation is a state of hunger. Much work today is like the buzzing of wasps in an overheated hive, and yet everyone remains hungry. What actually feeds our spirits has been relegated to a luxury activity due to the focus on production, yet the more we produce the less of real value to us is actually made.


I think you're right, but how are we supposed to cope with judgement? In this case judgement from family and/or our peers? How can one deal with others perceiving them as and/or calling them lazy?


When we say we want to deal or cope with something I feel like that's already a defeat, it's a defensive way of thinking.

When you wrote you feel ashamed for complaining as it may seem ungrateful for instance, to me it is less a matter of shame than honor. In sparing dishonor for others you become the author of your own shame, and avoid the lowly pitying and moralizing that often accompanies ideas of shame. That is a more affirmative way of looking at your duty to your family. Similarly, those who always put others to shame disgrace themselves in their duty to humanity: to cultivate a more courageous way of life free from guilt.

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