Who else is incapable of handling conflict, even online? I've never gotten any better at it. If anything, I've gotten worse.26 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.
>when I realize that somebody is antagonizing me or picking a fight with me, I freeze up, my mind goes blank, I say nothing, I get tunnel vision, and my body starts trembling continously up until some time after the threat is gone, and it ruins the entire rest of my day with shame for my own impotency and indignation and disappointment towards people
>can only ever think of what to feasibly say or do in response to the threat hours or days or weeks after the fact, if ever
>innate cautiousness, aversion to risk, and low self-confidence mean that I have a sort of learned helplessness where I feel that it is pointless to fight back because my retaliations will be ineffectual and will just be met with more force and pain anyway
>capacity for self-control/low impulsiveness, objectivity, introspection, and empathy completely gimp my ability to defend myself
>I don't like hurting or upsetting people, and I am conscious that I'm no more inherently valuable than anyone else, and no one is inherently any more deserving of hurt or suffering than anyone else; this mixed with low self-esteem means that I always hesitate to fight back and end up letting them get many punches in before I finally register them as an unthinking vicious animal deserving of retaliation and I manage to throw even a single faltering punch back, but more often than not I just do nothing at all and let them keep going until they stop hurting me or one of us walks away
>my reflexive adherence to objectivity means that in an argument I'm always considering the other person's point of view and negotiating and playing devil's advocate against myself, where the other person will often narcissistically delude themselves into any justification that allows them to think they are entirely correct and they deserve to win, and will go straight for my throat without any regard for what is true or fair
It gets a bad rap as being the number one circlejerking platform. Functionally there's not much bad about it except the obvious selling your data thing. It's notorious for things like blackmail, raiding, trannies, etc.
Honestly, I'm just beyond caring for the most part at this point, at least in terms of online communities, as I don't actually interact in real life. If an online community bothers me and not most other people, I'm out, which I can easily do with no strings attached. If someone does something that bothers me and the well-being of the group as a whole, I generally wait for someone else to call them out, or do it myself if no one else does. You'd be surprised at how most people actually just deal with these situations passively, it's really not as specific to us as you'd think. Most people just want to fit in, and they're scared they'll get excluded from the group if they say anything bad.
>I have a sort of learned helplessness where I feel that it is pointless to fight back because my retaliations will be ineffectual and will just be met with more force and pain anyway
Well, that's actually kind of realistic, but if something just bothers you that much, you're better off just not being with these people to begin with. It's easy to do online if you're not using your real name/info. You have nothing to lose by trying, you can always just leave.
>I don't like hurting or upsetting people, and I am conscious that I'm no more inherently valuable than anyone else, and no one is inherently any more deserving of hurt or suffering than anyone else
I don't either, which is why I just quit if I realize the sentiment is not shared by other people. But if there is reason to call out someone, for the sake of the wider group, it's usually not that bad to do so.
>my reflexive adherence to objectivity means that in an argument I'm always considering the other person's point of view and negotiating and playing devil's advocate against myself
I just avoid arguing in general, it's pointless and frustrating. No one actually wants to learn anything from it.
>I've never gotten any better at it. If anything, I've gotten worse.
I've found this to be the case as well. After all this time one would've expected the opposite to have happened, but somehow my skin is far more thin now than it was even just a couple years ago. Instead of hardening up or becoming indifferent to this sort of stuff, I feel like I've become only more fragile and incapable of handling even the most minimal of conflict. The last place someone like me belongs is in a place like this and if I had any sense at all I would've left this site behind a long time ago. I really don't understand why I keep coming back to a place I'm so ill suited for and that I've also never really been particularly fond of either. Knowing I'm this much of a hopeless fool in a lot ways hurts more than any insult I've ever received. Instead of moving past or overcoming these kinds of things I've only fallen further into darkness and somehow have become even more weak of mind and spirit than I was before.
There's no point in even engaging with conflict online. You cannot win an argument on the Internet, since Internet arguments are not discussions, but simply>I write out my stale, rehearsed talking point and call you a faggot>you completely ignore my post, copy out an unrelated talking point of yours and call me a nigger>repeat until one of us gets bored
Waste of time to even try.
I'm terrible at it in real life though. I was raised by incredibly avoidant parents who handled life by refusing to ever acknowledge any problems and hoping they eventually went away, and that's the only way of handling problems I ever learned.
I can't really even have a real-life conflict, even if somebody is in my face or yelling at me or something like that. I just reflexively block out the fact that something bad is happening and I can't feel angry or sad or do anything other than try to leave or get them to go away.