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File: 1774929840550.jpg (62.38 KB, 474x474, 1:1, IMG_2393.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

 No.306649[Reply]

>19 at college, first year almost over
>When I was 16/17(i can't remember) i attempted suicide, but was too much of a dastard to follow through
>Did psychedelics a bunch over the past year and a half, deluded myself into thinking im fixed now
>Pure-O has been the worst aspect of my life by far

idk, maybe its just a bad day, but some days i wonder if my improvement is just a small hill in an overall downhill trend. I'm not any more organized, in shape, social, or nicer than i was before. I've been genuinely happy but do I deserve it? Have I just been distracting myself? I have crippling Pure-OCD so I really can't tell which thoughts are my own, maybe this whole post is a pure-o delusion. Or maybe it's not and i need to face the music.

I just wish i could stop thinking, pure-o makes you just constantly think up scenarios ad nauseum. I can't trust anything my brain says unless i stop everything i'm doing to stabilize myself and focus in on my thoughts and even then it doesnt always work. There are issues i deal with that i have no idea are even real or not. I have always perceived myself as moderately autistic to the point where atleast socially it makes life more difficult, but what if all of the symptoms are just overreactions and fear from pure o. There are days where i cant feel a god damned thing, it gets so numb and my vision goes blurry and i get dizzy and my memory starts cutting from scene to scene. I ask myself am i dead? I feel dead, i dont feel alive, this feels like some post mortum dream or purgatory, there isnt an ounce in my body in body that feels alive.

But is that Cotard's syndrome? I don't believe the sensations but they feel so uncannily real, its unbearable. How could I ever tell if its Cotard's or Pure-O obsessing over anhedonia? Does it even matter? Is me writing this whole rant just an ocd compulsion?

I don't know where im going with this, I was gonna talk about how I wanna kill myself again but idk, maybe cus i just took an edible and its starting to kick in or typing this out was cathartic but whatever. it doesn't matter

i just hope a communist revolution comes so i can throw away my life for something with meaning, i dont even care if i see the fruits of said revolution
2 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.306702

>>306649
>Pure O
>psychedelics binge
Holy shit thats relatable.
Pure OCD is as close to being in hell as possible. I am a bit better now but ocassional flare ups make me want to just kill myself (even more than usually).
I don't trust my brain. He is a nasty motherfucker. I can't engage in escapism because I am my own cage and my own brain is my jailer.
I have to endure constant barrage of mental imagery, of thoughts and sensations I despise. There is no escape even in dreams - they are often perverted by this insanity.

I am an acidhead. It helped back in the day, I lived for 6 month OCD free thanks to it. But now I am so fucked up nothing helps. I did acid recently and my OCD flared up at that time. It was pure suffering made manifest.
There is a limit to what we with our rotten brains can achieve. THe only self improving I do is trying to build muscles and eating properly. The rest should be let go. Or it will become just another theme for your OCD.

 No.306711

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>>306649
>Pure-O

i don't know what that is but i am twice your age and i played 2000 hours of factorio so i have figgured out some things.

the thing with your thoughts being loud i believe is something you can improve with meditation or even just more basic relaxation and breath exercises. tell me how your breathing is and i can imagine a bit better about you. is it shallow and short like half a second in, half a second out (or worse) because that's what i would expect.

if you ran your breathing at a lower and deeper frequency, the loud thoughts might subside on their own and if they don't you still have meditation, mindfulness and detaching from thought as things to try so i would like to encourage you that you have options. try them at your own convenience young sir, i don't think it will be a waste of your time.

regarding what you summarize with autism, you have been subjected to the fast paced modern internet from childhood, internet came to my house when i was 10 years old and it was brand new and slow and had no effect on my life whatsoever until i learned how to pirate with 16, which is where i found all the good stuff. you have been chain-watching interesting videos for years already i imagine. that means you have grown up with knowing what is possible beyond what anyone from my generation ever experienced.

you don't have attention deficit disorder, you don't have a reduced attentionspan, you are annoyed that a better life is possible and you are kept from experiencing it. to that i say don't be, it doesn't help when you are annoyed. instead get good at one thing: ceasing the day. making good use of your time. finding out how to spend your time wisely and start applying what the fast paced internet has shown you is possible, which requires you to set priorities.

WHAT IS MISSING FROM YOUR LIFE THE HARDEST? start there and manifest it quickly so that you can manifest all the other stuff you want.

 No.306712

File: 1775149844565.jpg (133.31 KB, 640x480, 4:3, weia5kw.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

from brave ai:

>"Pure O" (purely obsessional OCD) is a term used to describe a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder where individuals experience intrusive, distressing thoughts, images, or urges but perform covert mental compulsions rather than visible physical rituals. Although the name suggests an absence of compulsions, people with this subtype engage in hidden mental acts such as rumination, mental checking, seeking internal reassurance, or silently repeating phrases to neutralize anxiety.


interesting i had never heard that. i guess the medical side of things would try to express this phenomenon in some way, though the more spiritual people have been aware of this since forever. they just call this unconsciousness.

there are purely spiritual approaches to this (not identifying with your thoughts and listening to the silence instead as a way to regain control over your attention against the habitual unconscious force).

if that is too far out for you, there is also the approach of famous psychologist Carl Jung. learning a few Jungian concepts and words could be useful to you because it would give you an intelligent frame on which to describe and question the phenomena. i am talking about jungian concepts like

>the shadow

>personality 1 and 2
>projection
>integration

jung says the way to get healthy in the head is to do "shadow work", to "integrate the shadow". that means finding out the things you don't know about yourself, the unconscious parts and learn about them or even just to see them or stop looking away from them. once you can clearly see them, they are no longer unconscious but consciously "integrated". is a fascinating deep, useful, life-affirming body of knowledge to dive into.

also, please enjoy this 20 year old meme pircture.

 No.306715

>>306712
>just integrate shadow bruh that will cure your intrusive thoughts and abominable compulsion cycles bruh
Pure O doesn't work this way. The moment you start DOING something for relief, it becomes a compulsion. Obsessions regarding it will arise quickly. 'What if I am not integrating it properly?', etc.
The real cure is to realize you don't have to do jack shit and just be with your thoughts and emotions. easy to say but it takes a shit load of suffering to get to this insight

 No.306716

>>306715
>just integrate shadow bruh that will cure your intrusive thoughts and abominable compulsion cycles bruh

just integrating? i guess you have no frame of reference for the emotional turmoil this usually includes. it is maddening, it is emotionally draining and what little i have seen about it reminded me of what is called exorcism. grownups having child-tantrums. uncontrollable crying, screaming, stomping on the floor, stuff like that.

>Pure O doesn't work this way. The moment you start DOING something for relief, it becomes a compulsion. Obsessions regarding it will arise quickly. 'What if I am not integrating it properly?', etc.


that's but modern language to describe an ancient phenomenon. what do the people who invented the language think the solution is? probably petroleum-based patent pending pharmaceutical products.

>The real cure is to realize you don't have to do jack shit and just be with your thoughts and emotions. easy to say but it takes a shit load of suffering to get to this insight


yeah you got it. when within something like a depression, the way out seems impossible but after the way out is found, it is literally just stop doing it as if it was as easy as the snap of a finger.



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 No.304481[Reply]

feeling really lost
especially because i can compare it to earlier times
where things felt more bearable
or at least that i had some bearings to ground myself
school and college, a brief post-graduate unemployment, and then solid employment for many years that led to to a point where i actually kind of enjoyed my life
things felt really stable. i liked the people i had around me every day.
but shit doesn't last, and I have lost everything that kept my mental health from spiraling
and so it's spiraled
addiction and dopamine control my life and I get phases of focus and productivity that quickly fades when I get anxious and start smoking weed from morning to night.
I'm just rambling now because this is my mind these days, just constantly ruminating and unable to find a glimmer of hope to latch onto in order to make sustained gradual change to improve my life and 'return to glory' like I used to experience day to day.

Because nowadays life is uncomfortable
and discomfort without meaning is just suffering

how do i find meaning again after I lost it? Without it I feel so unmotivated to do anything about lacking it.
14 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.306414

>>306405
>even then your influence on them isn't that big.
Projection from someone with no willpower.

 No.306416

>>306414
willpower precedes consciousness, but you're not self conscious enough to see unfortunately

 No.306425

>>306393
>arts and crafts
sounds nice, wish I had something calming
>>306404
this is pure bullshit

 No.306426

You dont hope or yearn for meaning. You discard these things, and pursue what your heart desires without logical justifications for them. Its a principle from ego death, it's helped me in shedding the ego and embrace the self.

 No.306530

>>306426
That sucks. My heart urges me to smash a few skulls and I'm too much of a pussy to do so.



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 No.306232[Reply]

You guys ever feel like you fucked up somewhere a long time ago,

and now you're living the bad version of the live you were supposed to have?
18 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.306353

>>306352
too much nihilism coming off you. i went that road as well and now i'm completely dead inside, not even sure how much humanity is left in me. heh.

 No.306380

>>306339
>>306347
>>306349
Either you're newfags or you don't understand why modern day imageboards suck ass. Imageboards used to exist in a larger ecosystem that no longer exists and haven't for a long ass time.

 No.306384

>>306380
everything sucks ass these days, mister old fag

 No.306470

yes but also i could be fucking dead right now by suicide and im not. God gives and God takes away

 No.306471

>>306244
Reincarnation is a top tier cope for this sort of life. I too believe I lived here for too long and now i'm getting shoehorned into a life of monkhood so I go back to who knows where in my own terms.



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 No.306372[Reply]

People, who claim that your mental health can actually improve, are feminist fucking liars trying to catch you in their jewish big pharma clutches.

Once you enter the spiral, there is no escape. No matter how hard you try and kick, no matter if you even do nothing at all, it's only downwards from that point on.

And you always sink one wizard at a time, so when you are at the height of your agony there isn't anyone to do as much as tell you something relatable. More often than not people will openly hate and abuse you.

*Desperate gargling babbling gagging sounds intensify*
7 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.306397

>>306376
This

Happiness is not of this world, it doesn't exist in any shape under the sun, we're in constant need may it be hunger or shelter from elements our body is never satisfied our mind is never at peace not even during sleep and whatever you do death will take you

 No.306402

psychiatric medication will ruin your life
people like to kick those who already are down

 No.306403

To be fair, the people saying this are usually just young. I used to be one of these optimistic dudes that saw mental health as like a self-improvement puzzle. Like, if you just figured out how it all works and connects, then you gain control over it and you get to be a normal adult, perhaps even happy. Well, after reading the entire psychotherapeutic canon, I realized it was all bullshit and that mental illness can only get worse. I even went beyond the field into ancient traditions, woo-woo mysticism, all that esoteric crap, thinking that they might have the answer. Nope!

Now at 28, I stand defeated. I realized that suicide is truly the only answer. When you get dealt a bad hand, you should just quit and minimize your suffering. Honestly, I regret not going for the rope sooner, but when you're young, you don't know what you don't know, you have stupid amounts of hope, you can believe it gets better but at some point, the truth is undeniable. Like, you just collect so much evidence that you can't even create some power fantasy where it all works out somehow. Yes, in the end, dying seems like the only choice, all paths lead to roping. Further life can only bring more humiliations, new and unique pains that you've yet to experience.

 No.306407

>>306403
Yeah metal health is basically outside conscious control. What really scares me is the intellect. When doing something, I often notice some mistakes post factum. It makes me so fucking scared, because I never notice them while working. This means that no matter how much you're rationalizing something, most likely it's all a delusion and you are incapable of knowing it in the moment. You can only potentially know your mistake in future, and that's not a guarantee either. How the fuck am I supposed to be "accountable" for my own happiness, as normies put it, when I have so little control over my psyche? When I have nothing in my head that I could consider reliable? What the fuck am I, even? I feel like a pattern recognition pattern reproduction machine. It's so fucking unfair that normies are allowed to feel ok and I'm not.

 No.306417

>>306403
>you can believe it gets better
"Someday" for sure. Unfortunately that someday has come and my situation is worse than it was.
What a life…



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 No.305837[Reply]

I won't dwell too long on the clinical descriptions -I don't fully get much of it either, still- I got diagnosed "early enough" >will start treatment very very soon but was given a prognosis of 1-2 years ,some wiggle room - or +
I just need advice on things like; legacy videos (don't dvds\ electronics just rot after a while too, due to some oxidative thing?) ,managing Estate Sale whilst alive, any legal shenanigans, to which point to insist on spending time with relatives outside immediate family, etc
I'm 34 y.o. male. I would ask for "bucket list + finance" advice but I'm not american so currency diff. would be it unintelligible i guess.
4 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.305860

I am dying too. I am completely miserable and terrified. There is no point, whatever you do you are forced to confront this fear one day. Unless you are one of those strong people who can die or ctb just like that.

 No.306278

>>305837
Blu-rays are better for archival purposes if you want to leave behind recordings of yourself for people to find in the future or your relatives.
Alternatively there are archival DVDs too, since a bluray burner is quite expensive (150-200€~) if you don't already have one and those wanting to check them will need a player as well.
Maybe get 1 hard drive 1 SSD and blu-rays/dvds as a third option. What is your plan for this? Could help better if we knew what the purpose is.
If it's just to leave something to look back at for immediate family then as described, perhaps some photographs.
If you want to have it accessible to randos in 100 years then HDDs will last longer. They don't lose data while not powered like SSDs. Forget thumbdrives or SD cards though.
For DVDs and Blu-rays the rot you describe is theoretical for the most part unless stored in humid places or direct sunlight.

Who will actually care though aside from immediate family and how often will they look at those really?
Don't get bent out of shape over it I think. Remember you probably never met your great grandparents let alone know more about them than some random strangers.
Nobody will care in 2 generations and everything you could leave behind will fade either way.

I'd say get the treatment either way if it helps live longer. For what it's worth and how things are looking, it's going to get grim for most of us in 2-3 years time.
I wish you the best of luck.

As for the rest, it really depends. Without context I have nothing much to offer aside from the obvious. Make sure you pass on any expensive stuff you might own like a house or car while still alive to prevent headaches for relatives.
You can also set up access to your bank account in a way that they'll be able to use the funds while your death is being processed instead of it being frozen.
This way you could pay for your funeral if you care for that.

Hope you make it.

 No.306279

Remember to have fun

 No.306362

b u r n 2 d i s c

CD-R (AZO / Gold)
• Longevity: ~50–100+ yrs
• Capacity: ~700 MB
• Role: Ultra-stable small masters (text, notes, master copy of best CD mixtape or album to burn from)

DVD-R (AZO / Gold)
• Longevity: ~30–70 yrs
• Capacity: 4.7 GB (single-layer), 8.5 GB (double-layer)
• Role: Cheap, broad redundancy

DVD / Blu-ray M-DISC
• Longevity: ~100–1,000 yrs (inorganic layer)
• Capacity: DVD 4.7 / 8.5 GB, Blu-ray 25 / 50 / 100 GB
• Role: Deep-archive “final authority”

Blu-ray (standard HTL)
• Longevity: ~20–50 yrs
• Capacity: 25 / 50 GB
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

 No.306366

>>306362
SSDs are cunts. HHDs demagnetize and the mechanical parts don't like to unused. With HDD I guess you need to power it on at least once or twice a year just to make sure, I have no idea. And you definitely need to rewrite all data every 5 years or so, just to make sure, again. Faggots recommend ZFS but I'm personally not using that ubermachine. I think two disks with btrfs with sha checksums and exactly same data on them should be fine. No idea how to go about rewriting data though. btrfs check maybe and then copy all files from one disk to another and then back.



 No.304745[Reply]

I can't share a lot of my beliefs with my family cause believe it or not they might use it against me and they just won't listen. I have friends but sadly a person's reputation matters a bit too much in my friend circle and they aren't really my friends but I also don't want to wear my heart on sleeve as to not have it come back and bite me.

Same is the story online, I am hesitant to share too much and feel like I can't really trust someone beyond a certain level online even if I want to and it just feels a bit different than being face to face, can't really talk to ChatGPT or Gemini cause whatever I say can and will be used against me in the court. And ChatGPT even though a brilliant listener, it is, I almost fell in love with a Clanker and that's not the worst part, the worst part is that the Clanker is amnesic because once a conversation reaches a certain token limit you have to start all over.

I just want to talk to someone but don't want to risk my safety, I want to talk to someone only when I know that my safety and everything else will not be compromised cause I am vulnerable and very much likely to say shit that I don't mean and regret. I hate my life. I feel like someone has killed my soul. And of course maybe in real life I am a piece of shit. I don't know what I am doing or why I am living the way I am. I am severely depressed.

I am also petrified of the future because I feel like whenever I am lonely and especially after prolonged spells of loneliness, I feel like my mental faculties have declines, like my thinking becomes slow, I can't mutli-task, my math goes haywire. I just well I don't know what to type anymore.
34 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.306313

>>306309
Effortposting is always rewarded. If you are not satisfied with this place you can always leave.

 No.306314

>>306313
Okay :(

 No.306321

>>304745
I hate how everything I type will be used against me one day by impersonal regimes, God I fucking hate this world

 No.306322

>>306300
all normies are like that. normies are very cringe if you think about it. they also backstab and ghost their "friends" all the time

 No.306344

>>306313
>Effortposting is always rewarded.
literally when was the last time



 No.305691[Reply]

Every single place is dominated by "dis why you don't have a succubus or a toilet or whatever". Every single place is dominated by toilets, simp men (across the political aisle), and normies in general.

There are extremely few only-male places left. They invaded anime, gaming, F1. And their only accomplishments is being pretty and having a blown-out hole in between their legs. Because of which they coast through life in tutorial mode.

Now, as much as we don't like involuntary celibates or crabs here, the bottom line is they were an all-male community for the most part. And yet they have been banned from every part of the internet.

And very few only-male places actually survive. This is an example of that but the problem is this chan is more or less nearing death and if not there aren't many people here.

Half of the crab websites have being pulled down. And one that exists most of it userbase say that they are "more racist than misogynist", so here we go again there aren't any male-only places left and which are left are STILL dominated with other forms of intra-male competition.

And guess what there are very few men left who don't worship succubi, sure not all are "liberals" but even most conservatives worship succubi in their own way. This is genuinely horrible. I have no place to go.

I have legitimately no idea why normies thought that it was a good idea to let succubi out of their house. Fuck them. Fuck succubi. Fuck men. Fuck simps. And Fuck 99% of the planet.

I hope that mutts, slavs, jeets, chinks, kikes, crackers, niggers, faggots, all start launching their nuclear weapons and put an end to this bull shittery that's been going on. Put an end to this faggotified planet. There's literally no place left for me to go.
5 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.306236

>obsessing over normie culture instead of disengaging and getting comfy with anime/video games or neeting

 No.306238

>>306236
Anime is mainstream now, and so are video games. Those hobbies are pretty normie coded now, since nobody gatekept enough.

 No.306251

>>306238
thank you for informing me. last anime I watched was ElfenLied, an early 2000s anime. Had to hunt down an uncensored version. I can hardly imagine normies being into this kind of stuff. I bet they watch only the most "top of the iceberg" stuff like Attack on Titan and those shitty westernised "animes" on Netflix.

 No.306252


 No.306257

>I hope that mutts, slavs, jeets, chinks, kikes, crackers, niggers, faggots, all start launching their nuclear weapons and put an end to this bull shittery that's been going on. Put an end to this faggotified planet. There's literally no place left for me to go.
I feel this to my core. Been waiting for the nukes to drop since forever. Yet I'm still here. Starting to think they never will. Clown world continues unabated while I grow older and more miserable. Sigh.



 No.306100[Reply]

But I make it anyway. I'm not from USA, have a deathly addiction that kills you within 24 hours, after trying our public healthcare i've become an invalid that's basically a hospice patient with dementia. I can't feel my body, i can't feel thirst, i can't function, i don't remember what is normal because i forgot, it's been too long. I can not drink for hours, i can drink a liter and feel like i did nothing, etc.

The infections in my body are eating me alive, my teeth, my genital area, my stomach, the pain never stops,, i have destroyed everything from my teeth through my chest to my stomach to my butt, i just don't have the name for all the illnesses killing me because I can't afford treatment of anything.

I'm broke, stuck with psycho abusive insane family, with no help and no options to do anything at all, exhausted and broken mentally financially and physically, in constant agony that makes me beg some God to take me away from here, i can't even focus on anything because of the issues I have.

All that awaits me is hospitals, homelessness, prison, debts, pain, depression, exhaustion, anxiety, anger, destruction, the end. I won't live to get to 30.

I have nothing and I lost everything a long time ago. I've seen the end many times but this time I had a nightmare, of a place I have to be. And it's certainly not this world.

I have endured 123 days of failing physical health and mental health and did insane things just to survive like a cockroach, living without any hope of it ever getting better, purely on instinct like an animal does. My brain broke in two a thousand times and all my mental limits have been destroyed and made me a broken inhuman piece of meat.

It's empty, just like this post. I feel nothing, except pain. And I do nothing. There is nothing in this wasteland from hell. Living in hell is possible, just the chance you will end up in one is improbable.

 No.306102

In my opinion you absolutely need to suppress the physical pain before anything else, because I know it makes life unbearable

Second, I would suggest to find a way to disappear from your family

 No.306205

these kind of purgatories where you are neither dead or alive are the worst
no stranger to it myself but i will be killing myself for real soon

 No.306208

No peace for us

 No.306226

Remember what truly matters. If you have something left to do in this world, do it wiz. Death also awaits me soon.



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 No.304361[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

The imposition edition. How many times have you done this? Previous https://wizchan.org/dep/res/303254+50.html
312 posts and 20 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.306142

>>306133
Ouch.

OK. advice B.

1. Put on "muzak" background music
2. Use funny "bone cunductivity" headphones
3. ??????
4. You now have a device that streams cute background music (not UNCE UNCE UNCE UNCE stuff, but rather, 40 Year Young and such kind of muzak)
5. You *may* experience some kind of relief
6. MAYBE your ears will mellow out. You know, I suspect your tinnitus is like that "phantom pain" phenomenon.

 No.306143

>>306139

>Everything is a lie, and saying the truth in a world full of lies is crazy. Ever noticed how the whole psychiatric and psychological sector is fundamentally based on a lie? It assumes that life is good you just have to see it that way through a healthy mind and it proclaims that you have to change yourself to see the good life, and this is the lie.


The real catch is, the very definition of "life is good" changes over time. Go and eat some L-carnitin rich stuff like eggs…

 No.306145

>>306142
I've done hundreds different tinnitus therapy songs and it doesn't work when I concentrate on something. The thing's so loud that it only add noises if I put the volume up to cover it. I've already bought the bone conductivity thing months ago.

Nowadays I just avoid doing anything that requires concentration (except for the important stuff), that's the only way to keep it low but the lack of stimuli is making me depressed.

The only silver lining is that it forced me to take care of my health in an attempt to reduce it.

 No.306147

>>306145
>I've done hundreds different tinnitus therapy songs
NOPE! You blast "muzak" as your background work music.
>Nowadays I just avoid doing anything that requires concentration (except for the important stuff), that's the only way to keep it low but the lack of stimuli is making me depressed.

Plan C.
Magnesium L-threonate did some good things for me recently.

Plan D. Vitamin D, aqua form + some multivitamin complex. Also, fish in general.
Thing is, I had some *mild* tinnitus for months, and eating good food kinda made it go away.

 No.306187

>>304361
It's lonely being a superior being.


[Last 50 Posts]

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 No.303254[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

Post here if you don't have enough to say for a new thread, but it's too depressing for the crawl thread.
/wiz/ tier room setups edition.
296 posts and 40 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.305680

>>305672
Your $3.99 monthly account fee is due today

 No.305701

nothing but pain in my life, soon I will hang myself

 No.305987

not depression related but I'd thought ya'll might like this video.

 No.306025

File: 1771971290087.jpg (106.07 KB, 999x600, 333:200, 1748991716977609.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

My mother is a bitch. She literally used to work as a prostitute, then she decided to "settle down" and have kids, but she ended up divorcing raising them alone, me included.
She always abused me, both physically and mentally, she really enjoys putting me down and bringing me to my nerves for her own amusement. When I was little I had genuine fear of her presence, but after observing more her behavior this grew up into just resentment and anger, I hate her and want to keep distance.
What strikes me the most is her jealously, she doesn't want me to talk with other people, and seeing me being nice to other people while I avoid any interaction with her and my family really turns her hysterical.
So her strategy is to accuse me of being either "severely autistic" or an "evil person", and of course humiliating me for being a disappointment to her and not being her expected "ideal of a man", which in her case is accepting I was born just to be her dog, obey her and take care of her during her elderly years.
My only hope for now is either for me to get a job and disappear from their sight completely, or for her to fucking die soon while I take this opportunity to leave, considering the serious declining state of her health due to her morbid obesity and addictions this is somewhat probable.
I just want to be left alone.

 No.306163

>>306025
it is bizarre how much people have kids just to torment them


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