My mental illness has been deteriorating at new levels. I reached a period of "newfound" stability some months ago.
I realize I didn't find stability at all, I just snapped peacefully for the first time ever. When I snap I get aggressive, do something dangerous and end up either in ER, the psych ward or in jail. Or all 3 in different orders.
Now that I've dealt with depression and boredom, I'm dealing with erratic behavior while feeling tranquil and happy. Very erratic behavior. I stopped talking to other people voluntarily, and I mean literally everyone I've known, even the few childhood friends I had. I cut ties with all acquaintances. I avoid my coworkers at all times, even though my job revolves around meetings and explaining technical shit to others. I stopped censoring myself when I'm in public and I notice some people get scared, stare at me or simply avoid me, which feels great to be honest. This is starting to happen at work. I'm having more delusions, I'm delusional most of the time.
I am willing to die anytime, I shouldn't censor my behavior, my opinions or anything at all. This is bringing lots of trouble.
They don't even want me in the psych wards. I know how local wards work, I know some of their protocol. I avoid doing stuff that could instantly get me tied, while disrupting the whole place as much as possible. Like, I can't punch a bitch nurse that's not helping me sleep, but I can break the TV, hide dangerous objects (like cables) and trash every single toy so other patients get bored and more aggressive.
>lol normgroid while even talk to other people or work
Because I live in a poor place/country, I need to interact with other people for money and food. Otherwise there's literally no food or money. And I need food to survive. I'm not wagecucking and interacting with people out of fun.
You just pushing yourself and your mental health (social anixety) is not helping you, you got a job great but it requires social interaction with people, man either you take small steps and try to cope or quit it, what is the point of working job if u and getting mad and going to jail pshy ward is this what u want ? don't push ur luck,
try to live a simple peacful life man try to save apply for disbux
If you are stressed about job and ppl why do it? after many years from now you will find it didn't add value to your life it is just maybe fucked your life for worse.
>you just like Buridan's ass equally hungry and thirsty.