/dep/ - Depression

Is anyone else hugely depressed by this stuff? Sometimes I'm googling for certain stuff, or info on a historical person or event…and very often I see obituary pages of people with the same name.Very old, young, middle-aged..died of diseases, accident or just old age, sometimes due to violence or crime.
I get similar feels when I see a specific documentary from a crisis (economic, social) of my county 20 years ago- where are the poor people featured in the docu, nowadays? and the rich old guys are probably dead or dying in some ICU room by now.What was the point of it all?..The other week I visited a public university because the cafeteria has cheap snacks and I reckon I passed by 2000 people-I cant fathom those are REAL persons, with dreams and sins and will die ,perhaps 20 or 50 will be dead within 3 years.

26 is were I get off. sorry I couldn't make it to 30 and join you in the sun. Just to tiered of the pain. I should have done it sooner but I'm a coward. I would have done it last year but my nerves got in the way. Just need to write the rest of my will and donate the rest of my clothes to charity and I'll be good to go.

>end of blog post

>why cant picrel be real?
I really fucking hate learning how computers work. I fucking hate it.
Ever since I started this fucking degree 3 years ago its been nothing but a perpetual torture. I think I say enough when I say shit like Calculus or Lineal Algebra was 100 times more enjoyable for me than anything related to computer science. I gotta be honest though: I m a lazy piece of shit, but I m the kind of lazy piece of shit who studies solely so I dont have to be at the end of the fucking semester doing a fucking "final exam", in order to prove that I m able to pass the course, because that means I gotta learn all the semester's subjects just so I can pass that stupid fucking piece of shit of an exam.

I hate studying. I hate learning. I hate the smugness, shit teaching and the attitude most teachers have and I hate the happiness and eagerness of the people surrounding me. I hate the idea of working and having to wake up every morning so I can keep my sorry ass alive.
I m aware that being a NEET is a dead-end road, specially when you are not on welfare, but I cant stop feeling like a sack of shit every god damn day of my life because of this. I know what has to be done and what I have to do if I dont do it.

I have nothing to look forward to in my life. The sole reason I havent killed myself is because I know my parents would probably die because of that (already have 1 deceased sibling, and the other one aint doing to well in life), and also because I cant bring myself to do it. It terrifies me. I have no access to guns, so the only way would be to jump off a building, but regardless of it, the idea of death, or the idea of "pain of death", is the thing that bugs me the most. I dont want to suffer the ultimate pain that may last minutes! Even if they are just a few seconds, I bet the pain will feel like an eternity, not to mention the fear I will experience during the fall.

Yet I m sick of this shit. I m stuck here. Why the fuck am I subject to all of this? Why the fuck was I brought to this world? Why cant I have the drive or ambition that those maggots sons of bitches of my peers have? Why must I be such an unhappy piece of shit?

Of course, I know many of the answers to those questions, but still. It doesnt deprive me from wanting to create a hole through my wall from the mere anger of having to deal with this bullshit. Why cant I just be left alone in my room? What place iPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

How are we supposed to get used to loneliness and the fact that our life is fucked up?
Here's my resume: never had any friends, bullied during school, uni dropout but basically never went to high school, very poor (no income), obviously never had any gf, the last time I talked someone my age was since high school basically. I can't get used to the loneliness… I also have a very poor health, and no one to help me with it.

What's your life status and how do you cope with it?

I personally try to cope with video games, anime and a bit of drug (alcohol and opioid mostly). But that hardly works… Sometimes I'm into my game or I'm high enough to be ok, but most of the time I'm depressed or suffering or both. I wish I were dead since I'm 12, I'm 25 now.

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
Previous: >>290006

why dont things ever seem to get any better? they only seem to spiral more out of control and worse.

if you were born to as fucked up as a family as i was, you never had a chance.

Remember wizzies: there are all sorts of impostors here promoting suicide for wizards. They give themselves out as wizards but are not. They continually lurk discussions on this board and others pertaining to self-murder in the strict interest of getting us to go through with our own elimination. Sometimes they start a whole new thread and stage an organic-looking pro-suicide conversation amongst themselves. It is known that this site is "/pol/ adjacent" so many of (((them))) are here as well with such objectives in mind. Be advised.

I hate wizards who got substantial inheritances, or lucked out otherwise while being unable to work. 99,9% of the problems related to being a wizard are related to a lack of money and the fact normies hate even employing a non-neurotypical, making life an infinite paywall torture simulator where you can only look but not touch anything.

My life would completely transform if I even had 10k dollars to my name. Yet there are wizards who inherited an expensive big house and hundreds of thousands of euros or dollars.

They cannot sympathize with someone who is in a perpetual cycle of shit tier labor->pay absolute necessities->have maybe $20 extra at the end of the month-> repeat infinitely…

Because they play life on heaven mode where everything is unlocked and stress levels go down by 99%.

Don't play with fire or you'll burn yourself, don't get close to it or you'll burn yourself, if you shouldn't use it, don't even use it for cooking.
I am a crazy man who did and does terrible things, but that does not take away the great appreciation I have for myself. A long time ago I learned not only to accept the worst in myself, but to accept it as one of the few ways I have to feel alive again, But if I am honest with you, I have no alternative, no matter how despicable I may be, benevolence and forgiveness are present, Since there is no one else, there is only me, and although I constantly complain about the isolation to which I was subjected, the truth is that I think that without it I would never be able to have so much appreciation for this beautiful monster.

I relate a lot with old inc_els because most of them don't even want relationships anymore, they've accepted that past a certain point there is no coming back, once you've spent your entire life bullied and ostracized and mocked for how you look or being introverted and entered adult age not knowing real friendships or love from parents, there is really no rainbow in the dark or light at the end of the tunnel.

Your personality is shaped, your memories are painful so you want to erase the past or pretend that it didn't happen, you are like an abused and neglected kid who starts to sweat and becoming increasingly anxious as the time to go back from work for his dad approaches.

Lot of pain and trauma. You are better off alone at that point, engaging in hobbies, distracted with work or in some fantasy world.

There is no cure.

You can't even relate or feel an attachment for this world and what it has to offer. You are almost prepared to leave and don't care. How can you care when you carry a broken soul within you.

There is no return because the place you left was doomed to be hell for you, from the very beginning and you know it's best once you accept that it wasn't your fault and stop blaming yourself. What can you do when you are born a wiz.

Society doesn't care. You've been left alone.