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Depression
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 No.269261[Reply]

I have been bouncing between a couple different ADHD meds lately with none of them having any significant effect on me, good or bad. I thought harder about what I really want out of them and I realized that all I want is for doing things to come naturally. And by doing things I mean anything that isn't simply laying down and slowly rotting.
I have always loathed myself, even since I was a very small child and I think I have finally arrived at the specific reason: what comes to others naturally, activity, just doesn't come naturally to me. Being a human being is always going against the grain of my own brain. That's not even to say outright that things are too hard. Its not a matter of difficulty, its that even when things are easy I feel like I am fighting against myself and the task at hand. And being so depressed, there are no hobbies, only tasks.

Does anyone else feel this way? I doubt I am unique [as much as I'd prefer others not to feel this way]


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 No.267681[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.

Previous:
>>266183
305 posts and 27 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.269274

>>269257
karuna or compassion meditation will help you

>>269252
meditation is really awesome, and i highly recommend it. if not compassion, then loving kindness the 6Rs TWIM

 No.269277

I haven't cried in roughly 10 years. I have nothing against people who do cry, but long ago I decided that crying didn't help me so I stopped doing it. For the past few days, however, I have felt an urge to just sit down for a while and have a good cry. I'm not even entirely sure why, either.

 No.269308

I'm a fucking liar.
I used to have a friend in school and I would talk about how people are fucking stupid and that you can get away with lying about anything in the world and people believe it.
I consider myself to be better than other people, which is why I lie all of the time, I think people are fucking retarded and worth less than me.
People who know me say I'm full of shit, this reputation has followed me around for years and the longer I spend among people who know me, the less I can get away with my bullshit.
I need to leave as soon as possible, I need a fresh batch of people who are completely unaware of who I am so I can trick them into thinking I'm very special and better than them, by use of clever wording and psychological manipulation.
Fuck people.

 No.269342

im the only wiz who is asocial
u all got buddies and are able to make friends

guess im truwiz

 No.269377

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[Last 50 Posts]

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 No.267732[Reply]

Gentle wizards, I invite you all to talk about the subject of hatred on this general. Abstract hate, concrete hate, big hate, small hate, whatever you are hating right now, why you hate (the list goes on).
69 posts and 7 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.269143

>>269141
Different question. Does anyone know of a small, high-power draw electrical appliance that is relatively quiet and cheap? (or can be made quiet). Best I can come up with so far is 500w industrial soldering irons. Will ask on electricians/makers board as well but just casting the net wide.

 No.269168

I fucking hate monkeys, I always have. Even as a child.
I'm not sure why exactly I hate them, but whenever I see one I get this extreme urge to kill it, even if I only see it on the internet. I assume that the reason for my immense disgust towards them is because they are "unevolved" and "depraved" versions of humans, but I don't think that's all of it. I don't really feel any unusual hatred towards other animals(other than dolphins, fuck dolphins), and the only times I've ever showed compassion in my life it was towards cats.

 No.269180

>>269168
I hate monkeys/great apes too. I always rejoice when they talk about gorillas and chimpanzees dying in the African game reserves. The abomination that is the human race cannot be allowed to evolve again. It is important that humans take the apes out with us as we destroy our environment.

 No.269192

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i hate how ugly today is.

 No.269231

>>269192
Look on the bright side, when it all burns then rapidly decays nothing if value will have been lost.



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 No.265345[Reply]

What is holding me back is I am religious person.
hoping for uncle jesus salvation .I don't know if suicide is what determines whether a person gains entrance into heaven. I tell myself some people did it and god forgave them. others waited for natural death in hope for god mercy yet they doomed in hell it's all god decision and all things are determined.
but for me Life is to fucking long and it seems i am going nowhere wethere i try or not. i just pass the time waiting for getting old and die natural death .
I'm in my 20's and feel like I'm in my 50's I'm tired of this shithole life I should of died in my 20's. People say life is short it's really not but time does fly by which is weird. The suffering of clinical depression and other health issues make life feel like a never ending nightmare.
Fuck you rigged life.
You've given me nothing but pain, fuck you.
18 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.268575

>>268574
I believe in the Fair Market Economics of Suicide, if you Sufficiently Desired it you would Acquire it. It's tautological. If you are trying to imply that you do, I don't believe you at all.

 No.268582

>>268561
Nah suicide is dying by your own will, you don't need to be the person to execute your will.

 No.268596

>>268582
The Fathers Will is not the Sons Will is not the Holy Spirit. They're God

 No.269178

>I agree. But people have a lot of control over whether life sucks or not, even if they don't change their life much.
A dope dealer hypocr who wants to preach to you about how to get your life straight.

 No.269228

The Bible doesn't seem to condemn suicide it does not speak about suicide as if it were an unnatural death.
It describes suicide in a very casually way which almost seems to support it or be indifferent

1 Samuel 31:2-5
Saul took his own sword and fell on it. 5 When the armor-bearer saw that Saul was dead, he too fell on his sword and died with him.

Matthew 27:3-5
3 When Judas, who had betrayed him, saw that Jesus was condemned, he was seized with remorse and returned the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and the elders. 4 “I have sinned,” he said, “for I have betrayed innocent blood.”

“What is that to us?” they replied. “That’s your responsibility.”

5 So Judas threw the money into the temple and left. Then he went away and hanged himself.

Judges 16:23-31
(paraphrasing)
Samson ask the Lord for strength so that he can kill the Philistines along with himself, the Lord seems to grants him strength and he pushes the pillars so that the temple collapses upon himself along with the Philistines.

Did God give Samson strength knowing he was going to kill himself? What am I to make of this?

>Some say that suicide cannot be forgiven because the person who did it could not have repented of doing it. But all of us commit sins that we are too spiritually cloddish to recognize for the sins they are. And we all die with sins not named and repented of.

Post too long. Click here to view the full text.



 No.267756[Reply]

3 months a go I went to a loud festival and my ears got damaged. At first I didn't think much of it, some really loud sounds were uncomfortable, like alarms, but I was living my normal life.

Turns out I fucked my ears. Over the next few months my sound tolerance dropped and my tinnitus ramped up.

I have hyperacusis. Currently I can't go to a busy street because it's too loud. I can't talk to more than one person at a time, and it has to be quietly, or my symptoms get worse.

I'm completely isolated and I want to die.

People visit me sometimes but I know they will tire of me.

I occasionally go to the shops with ear protection but it makes me worse. The sound of birds is painful.

My old life had it's problems, I was lonely and a bit anxious. But right now that old life looks like heaven, it was full of sound, I had many people in my life, I could go for a drive and blast loud music if I was feeling sad.

wtf /dep/, how did this happen to me?

The worst thing is I can't even kill myself because I'm too much of a coward and don't want to hurt my parents
1 post omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.267768


 No.267773

>I could go for a drive and blast loud music

fuck you

 No.267778

>>267767
thank you for the kind words anon, they are refreshing

>>267773
Not loud so that people outside can hear it, I just enjoyed driving my shitty car and listening to music for fucks sakes

 No.267800

>wtf /dep/, how did this happen to me?
Well you already told us the cause, the festival you went to. I'm making a safe bet and assume you're a normalfaggot.

 No.269177

>>267800
not 100% wizard but I'm close



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 No.269171[Reply]

Murder/Suicide.

Would one who haven't the balls to go through with suicide be more motivated by killing someone?

 No.269172

i dont think so
theres so many cases of murderers who ended up being too scared to follow through with the suicide part
>whatever, i'll go live in prison



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 No.264275[Reply]

I have always been certain that I am a future suicide statistic. If I reach the life expectancy I will have almost 60 years left, and I think that is way too much. I don't want to keep living in this world of unbearable suffering if I can find peace in death.

I think I will do it some time in the future. After I've burned a bunch of money and destroyed my body with drugs. But at the same time, I am having trouble seeing the meaning in getting to that point if I already have one foot out the door. I think doing this is just chasing the wind. Pleasure is fleeting. If death is eminent, I think I might as well just get it over with.
57 posts and 6 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.269056

Thinking of just stabbing myself to death. Where would be best? How do I ensure I don't make a sound? My house is so shit I can hear it when other tenants cough, and vice versa. How long would it take, and what the fuck should I do if I'm discovered? My life fucking sucks as is but I'll be dragged into an even worse one if somebody reports my suicidal behaviour, so I'm highly paranoid of it.
>>268084
Either I won't bother at all or I'll pass it off to a friend, not sure which though.

 No.269080

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 No.269140

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I still cant pull a single all-nighter.
how the fuck am I supposed to be getting ready to face Death herself when i cant stay awake for 24 hours?
im such a snoozer. dunno how to adress this quibble.

 No.269142

>>269140
sleeping is more like death than waking

 No.269144

>>269140
Start by just staying awake til sunrise, even if you need to sleep in til noon beforehand to accomplish it. Then you'll realize there is nothing mystical about staying awake.



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 No.268968[Reply]

Are the effort to being alive worth it - all the pain and suffering? Once in awhile there might be joy and happiness… In the end we live and we die without not much more to it. One could argue that learning, art, love, or money is the true purpose - ones meaning of life?

Darkness only exist within the thought of light.

What do you find meaningful in life?
What was once important and "meaningful" which now are lost and forgotten?
Will death give meaning to our life?
13 posts and 4 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.269040

>>269022
>You can't find meaning in life.
Flies in the face of both lived experience and history.

>>269020
I feel similarly about Thoreau and his mothers cabin.

 No.269042

>>269024
Schopenhauer's point was definitely not that nothing matters beyond the brute facts of life. He identified the idea that the world exists as an end in and of itself as what Christians have always called the anti-christ. Schopenhauer thought the world had an objective moral meaning, which is tied up in personal identity/the universality of consciousness. He was fond of eastern religions which preached non-dualism, ie torturer and tortured are one due to individuation being a delusion forced upon us by space and time. Beyond space and time all are one, but our individual selfish wills lead us to believe competition and strife with others is what we must inevitably follow and succumb to. No, instead, he says true knowledge of reality will quiet our individual striving and lead us to renounce the world, which goes hand in hand with kindness, compassion, etc. This is also what he considered to be the true heart of Christian teaching, as exemplified by Christ calmly suffering on the cross. Anyway…

 No.269043

Absolutely nothing.

 No.269044

>>269043
Actually, maybe my mom.

 No.269046

>>269023
Meh, I always liked Freddy better than Artie if we are discussing german philosophers. The whole point of Freddy about liking moral systems that are positive (that encourage you to do/say/think things) better than negative thou shall not morality is something I strongly agree with. Generally I agree with most of Nietzsche's opinions and he stands closest to me out of all the philosophers and I consider reading him the most valuable experience when it comes to philosophy. I regret wasting my time on most philosophers, Nietzsche is one of the few exceptions where I can say I have no regrets over spending my time on him.

>>269024
Life is full of suffering but as long as you have something you enjoy or like it can be fun. Most of the world has nothing to do with you really, it sure is sad if some african boy is starving and how animals suffer a lot in nature but getting worked up over that won't solve anything. The best you can do is appreciate how your life isn't so bad as the lives of many other living organisms. Finding meaning and enjoyment in this dark and gloomy world is why you should live.

>>269006
Improvement is good for yourself but the other part is quite the destructive mentality, I mean the part about being useful at all cost. The majority of people are retarded anyway so they don't deserve any of our help. Help those who are like you and you will help yourself.

Also, people do "productive" and "useful" things out of selfish reasons. Don't fall for any NEET-shaming rhetoric you hear. There is nothing wrong with being lazy and taking a different path in life. Not everyone has to be the same worker drone or "productive" person.



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 No.269002[Reply]

i have officially zero friends, should i get more bodypillows to talk to or should i find another way to cope with it?
1 post omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.269004

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>>269003
yea thats what i will prob do, at least they dont call me a faggot when i hug them

 No.269008

develop a tulpa and become a willing schizophrenic.
DO IT!!!!

 No.269035

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>>269004
*hugs you* Pls be ok. Life is hard now but, if you get true it will be nice! believe me. i have no way of knowing this, but do believe me.

 No.269039

>>269002
officially as in you've just now alienated you're last friend? sounds like you'll be fine, just go make some more

 No.269045

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>>269035
ty <33333



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 No.268396[Reply]

to truly die,I must die IN the life.I will please myself all I want for a few months now;doramas,webnovels,animes and comics. I will marathon,vidya all night,days in a row etc. and THEN I will un-become. it will be incredibly painful,brutal, destruction of the Self.
Ive been researching organs a human doesnt need and others which one can live without(not stricly neccesary vs totally unneccesary organs/bones).I will abandon language,IQ, entertainment,patriotism…I will get rid of all 18 sense(daz right,we dont only have 5 sense). I will get rid of property,of shame,of money ,of dreaming and of Time.
28 posts and 3 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.268936

>>268924
Nietzsche ranked existing moral systems according to his taste but he wasn't a moralist. So for example he viewed islam morality as higher quality than christian morality because he thought it was more life affirming and manly. But he advocated for destroying all tablets and all existing morality systems and making up your own above all.

His preference for heroic morals or manly morals was just his taste, he never said everyone should live according to master morals. He made a difference between master morality and slave morality and while clearly liking master morality better he wasn't naive enough to suggest that everyone is the same and should live by the same values/standards. In the nietzschean opinion nihilism comes first, that is where you start out. Then you make up your own values and decide what you want to live for.

Morality is by its nature objective because it is concerned with prescribing a way of life where acts fall into black and white categories. For example, eating pork is bad if you are a muslim. If you are a muslim then it doesn't matter what you think, your moral system forbids you from eating pork. Eating pork is bad under all circumstances. Not eating pork is always a good thing. Nietzsche opposed this black and white and simple way of thinking of moralists. He recognized that moral statements always boil down to the individual ultimately and what he feels or desires instead of logic and abstract concepts. If you are a weak person by nature then of course you are more likely to accept a moral system that is protective of weak people or pacifist in nature. Just one example…
If you don't go for universal morals then what makes you a moralist? Subjective morality = nihilism. If you let everyone decide what is good or bad then there are no morals. Morality is absolute or it isn't. Either it applies to everyone equally in all circumstances or we are talking about subjective morality/nihilism.

 No.268937

>>268936
Thanks! Ill have to revist my Nietzche. An aside, but I don't think hes a good role model, so I'm wary to want to follow in his system. I don't like the idea of an objective moralism, because I like to believe in iteration, progress and it doesn't seem like this view allows getting better morals. I think an idea of coherence could allow subjective morality, and not imply that there is no objective moral. If the moral system has a central theme, you could add and subtract morals, but still aiming towards some objective.

 No.268963

>>268904
Nietzsche was responding to Schopenhauer more than anyone, who made the case for morality due to open individualism. You probably have never looked at philosophy of personal identity seriously though, so just ignore this!

 No.268967

>neetsche
kek

 No.268971

>>268963
How can you respond to a dead man, though? Schopenhauer was already dead by the time Nietzsche began writing serious philosophical works. It doesn't matter who influenced him or didn't, the important thing is what he came up with personally. Schopenhauer was an overrated fraud if you ask me and the less said of him the better. Luckily, Nietzsche realized this too and distanced himself from Schope's influence later on.

>>268937
From what you write it sounds like you want too much and will most likely end up with empty hands. It's just a way of looking at things, nihilism isn't something scary or something to be avoided, mainstream culture just likes to demonize moral relativism because most people are hypocrites.

People also tend to be critical of Nietzsche because he was the most honest philosopher of all time basically. Nobody likes honest people who tell the hard truth into your face.

>>268967
I wouldn't say he was a proper NEET because he lived the intellectual life. He wrote books, he kept exchanging letters with his friends, etc. That kind of can be considered his job. And let's not forget he was actually a professor at unis.



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