I absolutely relate to what you've written. The issue is not being a wizard itself, depending on how one defines it, I personally see being a wizard more of a consequence of my own anhedonia personally, although I understand not everyone will be here for that specific reason. This inability to enjoy things, which arises for whatever reason, I think ultimately leads many here. I think none of us really enjoy people for a reason or another, it's pointless to be around them if you don't get any fulfillment from it, or if you're repulsed by them, or for any other reason.
Let's all be honest, this whole thing is very experimental. We've taken a leap of faith (willingly or not) and while it's good to be free of whatever path society had planned for you, it also means you don't get the confidence that your path will truly lead you anywhere like normal people do. Even if their path is deceitful, pointless and an illusion, it gives them the confidence to keep living. They can die feeling like their life served some higher purpose because they had a role to fill, and I don't think I can feel the same, and their path is not a choice for me either. I was perfectly fine with this until last year, but some recent events really made me second-think everything, and I think I've become unable to be content with anhedonia at this point.
It honestly astonishes me how incapable of feeling the world I've become. Even those situations that made me feel the most intense emotions until some 15 years ago now make me feel ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Even if I expose myself to those situations and try very hard to find it, there is NOTHING. I could travel to the most amazing beautiful place in the world, partake in the most unusual experiences, I would still feel absolutely nothing. I don't get those fuzzy things in my stomach I used to. It almost feels like I've lived a thousand years and seen everything, but not really, I've spent most of my life in my bedroom and I still don't feel like anything is new. At first I thought this is what it meant to grow up, but it seems that's not really the case, it's just that I've lost the ability I once had when I could enjoy living so much, everyone else still has it. All I feel is various degrees of anxiety and disappointment.
Those of you who can actually feel the world, don't let is be lost. Enjoy it, cherish it, protecPost too long. Click here to view the full text.