Not sure if this belongs here or on /dep/ but I'll take a shot here:
Do you have any tics? Just vocal tics, just motor tics, or maybe you have Tourette's Syndrome and have both kinds of tics? How has this affected your life? Have you been shamed and bullied because of it? Or maybe you don't have this problem but you've known people who do?
I've had tics ever since I was in grade school. Mostly vocal tics. One day I got sick, I had to keep clearing my throat, and then I would make a short "hmm" grunting sound to test if my throat had cleared. But I kinda just never stopped making these noises. Over the past decades I've lost some tics, gained some new ones, had old ones come back, just a never ending evolution of annoying sounds that I subconsciously feel are necessary to do.
I've never been officially diagnosed, usually this is diagnosed in kids, but my parents never could afford to take me to doctors for stuff. Instead they would just yell at me, or insult me, or mock me; I hate the mockery most of all, why did my shameful grunt compel others to imitate the grunt with a stupid fucking grin on their face? My parents, siblings, anyone nearby when I was at school, it's so fucking demoralizing. At least my parents didn't hit me when I did it (though my brother did). At this point as an adult, an official diagnosis won't really do anything to help me, not like there's a cure or anything.
I really don't know what to expect posting this here. I tried searching related terms but I don't think I found any mentions of this in any active threads. If you post about this anywhere else on the internet, literally ANYWHERE, there will ALWAYS be at least ONE person who says something along the lines of, "I hate people like you, you just want attention, I beat up people in school like you and feel no remorse, I would kill you right now if I could". Why does this incite such rage? Every single time I realize that I am making some stupid sound I hate myself. Every single time I decide "I'm not going to make that noise ever again" but then in a few minutes I notice that I'm doing it again. I'm constantly worrying if someone heard me make some stupid noise. Some people, like those who tell others "Just don't be depressed", refuse to accept or just can't understand that it's a neurological disorder, it's not just "a habit", it's not some little quirk we decided to adopt to stand out. They say "just stop making noises". It's an urge that will nevePost too long. Click here to view the full text.