/wiz/ - Wizardry

>30 years old
>unemployed
>live with folk
>No perspective of attaining a high paying job

How can I find peace with that fact and my life situation? What should I do?

I don't want to see any kind of a female being in my entire life, i dont have much friends and i have assburger syndrome, i cant even talk well infront of people it just feel uncomfortable to have a friend in real life, i can deal with online friends but i always be afraid when some of these friends says
>Im in your city anon
Its just feels wrong to me, also i cant call my self ugly because i see myself beautiful mybe aswel i feel ugly. The worst feeling is when i see someone mybe uglier than me and have bitches and friends that treating him so well. I just stop atm and asking my self
>Is my face wrong?
>Is my talking way?
>Autism?

I have ascended. I don't care about succubi anymore.
I used to be obsessed with e-succubi from that board /agatha2/ on Endchan. But something (that I don't want to talk about) happened and I've lost interest in them completely. Succubi are stupid and I am not attracted to the same sex, so I'll just focus on improving my intellect from now on. No more simping!

Recently I saw this video about BEN (Blue Eisenhower November) that claims that it is an alt-right dogwhistle spread on 8chan and wizardchan: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IVzukRQorws

Much of this video is inaccurate to what it is actually about. I have gone down a rabbit hole researching the topic and found this video: https://youtu.be/p-DEpiQMhZ8?feature=shared

Does anyone here know more about what is going on with this thing? Seems like it is related to reincarnating with all your memories. I think this may be the solution to many of our problems.

After browsing no-fap threads across teh cyberverse, found that many struggles comes from those who are horny and also focused into normie behaviours, while rarely such topic (the struggle for no-fap) is given amongst those who spend their lives (mostly failed normies) feeling this dreadful thirst for sex or company without ever being able to do anything about it. Indeed, the last thing they are is horny, there is this horrible pull from inside them that leaves them drained already without spilling mana, curiously as they not even horny enough to fall into dangerous fap.

I wonder, since they lack this energy in such levels and form, could it be that deliberately going for solitary tantra (edging + redirection of energy) could slowly improve hidden corners of their soul? Since usual fapping gets people down and even ashamed of facing the public even if these know nothing about such acts, could it be that dominating the art of mana harvesting were to be a hidden, unspoken source of renewed energy and a way of combat against their miserable mood? To fall into the pit of shame, never touch its depths, collect the diamonds scarce as they were and come back up untouched by the trap inside it (given that this energetic flaw of theirs provides also advantage against bothersome levels of horniness).

When I had my phase of being a failed normie, tortured by this want, I never even thought about cooming to consolate myself. Even less about using anything like edging or treating myself into cultivating this type of manhood… not even after my face-heel turn into a redpill schizo.

I've had this bottle for 5 years since I became 18 and realized my life is in a slow decline of low motivation and self hatred. Got into the part where I started playing a game I couldn't stand up to go to the bathroom because bad bladder and needed something close by. I've grown attached to my companion after a while. After it was full I'd not throw it out but empty it, wash it, and reuse. I don't know why but there was a connection. There was a time I fought with my dad because he said it was disgusting and tried to throw it out but he gave up and decided it was not worth it going back to the bottle from the outside garbage everytime he tried to throw it out. I don't know what is wrong with me or why I'm so attached to it. But there is this sense of guilt when I throw it out or the thought of doing it. I tried decorating it a bit too so it doesn't look so bland. I need help ffs.

I try not to think about them. I don't know what's inside of me, that keeps kicking me. Like I have to go out everyday, cause I can't be a NEET, so lot of my time is sadly spent out of my house, and I like nature and seeing things.

But all I see all the times are couples, get my blackpilled views vindicated, which sucks cause blackpill is killing me. It hurts knowing that you're trapped in a chain. But it hurts even more knowing that there is no prospect of losing it.

And I find it hard to hold back tears when my coworkers and trainees talk about succubi, I just feel so inferior. Years of being mogged as a child has destroyed my confidence. I want to live myself and I can't even do it.

All I do is spend most of my time in the imaginary world that I have concocted in my imagination and it's killing me. It's truly killing me. I see no meaning of life, perhaps no one.

But I see the purpose of life, which is to continue itself, every creature does it.

I hate the fact that I will never have a son, I saw a man with his son on the back of a scooter on a mountainous road. I will never be able to pass down the tenderness of the old and wise to the young and brave. I don't know why I live and what for and why seemingly everyone is out to punish me online and offline. My biology and longing for companionship is killing me. I wish I was born earlier or later when there will be Android Femoids.

any shy wizzie? It's a real struggle and I don't know how to overcome this. I'll stay shy all my life I think because it's too hard to talk to people freely.
It's hard for shy people to get some respec from others. I always think people are making fun of me and telling bad things about me. I can't handle being mocked or put in the lightspot around people or , worse, strangers.
I created a bunch of tricks to avoid being weird and getting attention from other people outside and hide my shyness too.

I woke up this morning with a nagging question: why life turn out that way to me? I'm a 30 something NEET, virgin, recluse, living with my folk. The question bothered me, went for a walk couple of house later, and saw a young couple making out in the park, not me, I never had that in my life, walking more I passed a bus top where bunch of wagies were dropping off from the bus coming from downtown, it's was evening, still seeing those suit up dudes and succubi, make me wonder why I'm not a wagie too, but something recoiled inside of me, wagiedom? No, I don't like the petty power plays between people, the pressure to perform, the gossiping, nah NEET is alright for now. Went back home, turned on my PC and surf the web, watched some anime and read some manga, later I will read some books in enjoy, life can be good somehow, but the nagging question of why I didn't become a normal wagie still brothered me, I'm in the wrong? Making peace with that fact that I live an "alternative" lifestyle can be hard sometimes, the question and looks from people wondering why I'm the way I'm, well, the answer is: I don't know, life happens and I end up here the way, people for the most party are trouble, few people in my life I remember are genuinely good and nice, I cherish those few they keep faith that mankind in someway can be good, but the majority of people maybe are morally grey, or predatory giving the chance, who knows. Life can be ok, or a pain, it depends on myself and my luck, funny thing.