Basically my brain is rotting, to this point I have only been diagnosed as bipolar because I don't really hear voices (did hear music once while mixing weed and seroquel) and don't have delusions which are both requirements for schizo diagnosis. I do get these weird intrusive thoughts that kinda feel like voices but this has been attributed to OCD.
Doing my own research, I've come to the conclusion I suffer from a form of schizophrenia which used to be known as "simple" or deteriorated schizophrenia. My short/long term memory is destroyed, even my vision, hearing and physical orientation seem to be affected. My executive function is bad too, I struggle with basic decision making and logic. I used to be much more normal, I was always kind of an autist but I still had my wits about me. Now, I am a fucking freak because of this disorder and there is no cure. Oh yeah, and I have this bizarre blank look in my face that freaks people out.
What's more, there used to exist a designation in the DSM for simple schizophrenia, but it no longer exists. However, it does exist in the ICD. At any rate, I am in a weird spot where I don't meet the criteria for schizophrenia they just say I have bipolar, even though IT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE AND NO ONE WITH BIPOLAR WOULD BE AS MENTALLY DETERIORATED AS ME. I EVEN TOOK PSYCHOMETRIC TESTING AND IT SAYS MY BRAIN IS FUCKING ROTTING.
At any rate, its like I have dementia at 28. I'm a walking corpse. And i fucking freak people out just interacting with them, looking at them. I'm so close to killing myself. I just numb myself with alcohol and tell myself I'll an hero in about two years. If you want a look at what I'm talking about, this is what all my research says I will become before too long.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcMJ98sNZOk&t=11s(and fuck you if you think you have problems while not suffering from a psychotic disorder)