brief advice because I am somewhat busy:
your isolation has increased your self-awareness a thousand-fold. or in other words, you have spent so much time alone that you have become hyper-fixated on assessing every aspect of your own mind. this will naturally lead you into a sort of psychosis just by simple virtue of having been alone for so long. this however and happily can be easily dispelled through again mixing yourself with others socially even if for only 10-20 minutes every day. in the absence of outside matter whereon to latch the searching nature of your brain, your thinking has instead enfolded on itself and become completely engrossed in the evaluation of itself, to an apparently unhealthy degree. your anticipation that others will be looking upon you with suspicion/doubt will create this reality even if it was not there in the social fabric to begin with. this is like talking to a middle-schooler who thinks everyone is secretly making fun of him. it simply is not the case. not paying attention to others when you are out and about is one of the best ways to remain invisible to them. once you start suspecting everyone is paying attention to you, and you requite that suspicion with your own, then they will start looking at you more because you have announced your own anxiety to them.
at this moment, your mind is in a darkened place and you've convinced yourself that all is hopeless. this is likely not so. if you really affirm within your thinking that "Nevertheless, each day I realize I will never find the one I love. I will never find the friends I desire" then you are already foredooming yourself to failure. this is needless. you should be self-aware enough to understand that we all pass through moods – some much more frightening than others – but that again these moods are easily influenced by the little annoyances we all deal with every day, and that these are not permanent, and that finally you should be enduring enough to see yourself through them until the shadows have passed.
"I'll never be able to share a sincere moment with anybody" but you're doing this right now, as I'm endeavoring as sincerely as possible to help you.
also, are you jewish? if so, know that that community is very single-minded, and individuality is greatly shunned. if you are capable of individual thought (which it sPost too long. Click here to view the full text.