/dep/ - Depression

Do you feel like there is nothing to do online anymore?

Maybe the I'm viewing the past with rose tinted goggles now that I'm turning 30 soon, but I believe the internet as a whole has lost it's charm.
Back in my (relative) youth I could explore it endlessly find whatever to pass the time with.
It was a perfect escape from the real world, whether forums or online games at the time I could always find myself a group of people who shared some of my interests and interact with them.
It felt like I always was a part of a community, the web felt very tribal in a sense.
Now it all feels empty and hostile. It's almost the same experience as moving from a rural village to a big city just in the digital world.

It's all commercial, brands instead of people, everyone is hostile by default unless they try to sell you on something, nobody is there to have fun anymore. Nothing is authentic anymore.
Games are hyper-competitive.
Communities are fast and loose.
Maybe I'm just jaded, maybe I just don't have any real interest anymore, maybe I'm seeing the world in monochrome, but is that really true?

It feels like every corner of the internet has been shit on by a billion randoms constantly chiming in. Jumping into a space just to take a dump for a quick laugh resulting in very little long term traction for these spaces. Compared to old forums anyways.
People aren't invested in anything anymore, things are more permanent on this slow imageboard than they are on mainstream spaces.
Going back to the village analogy, it's like in a city, where you don't even know the next door neighbor in your concrete hives, so why not shit up the place?

Not sure if it's the age, brainrot, depression or anhedonia, but I just can't will myself to care about anything anymore. The only thing left to do on the internet for me seems to be chasing nostalgia. Other than that all that is available is an endless flood of slop that I can scroll while listening to some multi-hour video essay about some other slop.

Video games that used to be my primary way of passing time feel like such a chore nowadays. You get one, launch it, have to learn a couple dozen mechanics, random lingo for the same crap with dozens of numbers you can tune that often end up pointless or gimp you. Then a forced 1-2 hour handhold session with tutorials and cutscenes…
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Ever since that incident that hurts me deeply, I just want to die and get over it, but every living organism on this stupid rock is afraid of death.

She was so damn perfect, obscure, so safe from rule 34, yet she had lots of fun art on there and some sites, and she was divine as there was no porn of her on there. Maybe it used she was truly something. She came from an interesting story from an interesting piece of media, but it all took to ruin it all with a stupid question.

I am just tired now. I just want the pain to go away.

I really hope this threat does not count as fool worship because it is about a fictional character i love.
And I made this threat here previous about this

rule 1: NO new rules but this set of rules. no new thing to cling to. no idea or plan. you can even let go of all other rules and plans you have, except for this one.
rule 2: relax into sensations, pains, emotions and feelings without doing anything about them, no matter what situation.
rule 3: look at and get to know your thoughts. pick them apart in any way you see fit. this is where your freedom comes in. you can do rule 3 in any way you like.

What truly troubles you most from your past?

The research is clear: writing can help us manage negative emotional states, process our lives, and even heal from trauma. One of the reasons writing does this, I believe, is because it invites us, and even requires us, to look at our pain in a new way and for a long time. It requires contemplation.

Preserve your memories, keep them well, what you forget you can never retell.

I am a loser who cant do anything right. What is the fastet way for suicide? How is that one suicide website called?

After reading what it's like to be poor in Indis or one of those desperate bangladeshi guest workers 48 celsius Dubai heat for 200 dollars a month, I'm convinced hell already exists on Earth.

And I don't want to be in a body whose only option is to endure that for several decades. Not having prior memories is irrelevant.

I know it's pointless for me to even think about what if I was born white and in the first world as there is nothing I can do to change it. But I have these thoughts frequently, just maladaptively daydreaming constantly how good life would have been if I was white.

Yes, there are problem in white countries like that of healthcare and loneliness as white people do not like families, I think. As a result of that I think a lot of them end up being very lonely. The schooling system is rough and has a lot of bullying as well. And then there is DEI which is not good.

Still though, I wish I was born white and in the first world, possibly sometime before mass migration and everything but even now, as the governments in first world at least pretend to care about you, at least pretend to offer neetbuxx, at least you get a minimum wagie job, as miserable as that would make you, at least you would have a job.

But in the third world, holy shit, you can't even make 100USD a month, which is just not liveable. Like I have heard that parents kick out kids in America, Western Europe, and Oceania when they turn 18, but I have heard so many stories of these kids at least managing to survive and living paycheque to paycheque which I am sure is hard to manage even in the first world. But at least you have some hope.

I have never heard of any success story of a kid being kicked out in the third world, nearly all of them die when they are kicked out.

I am probably mentally ill or maybe it's a coping mechanism that I have where I just keep on imagining my life as a white person and as a first worlder. I am about to be kicked out of my house in third world and I am already imagining worst case scenarios like dying of rabies on the side of a street after getting bit by stray animals, having my hand chopped off and forced to become a part of a begging ring, etc.

Let me know if you guys know of some online jobs that I can do which pay something. But then again it's probably retarded to ask for online jobs when I have no real skills. And whatever skills I have ChatGPT is probably better than me at it.

I am too fatigued for hobbies.

I work from my bed.

I do errands in my spare time.

Life is bad.

Do you think babies are happy? They seem to me to be the one beings that I can't hate. Disgusting, yes, but they can't help it. They have done no wrong and are victims of culture.

Some sure, probably have bad personalities and no empathy. But, when I see a cute baby, it kind of softens my vulnerability. It doesn't happen nowadays maybe because I'm ugly but once upon a time babies would sometimes look at me in public, and smile or something. It's such pure, safe validation. I know they're not wanting to hurt me, or mocking me. It's just a innocent human connection where I'm hopefully making them feel safe.

It's sad I won't be in a position to have a baby on my own but also yeah I can't look after myself let alone a baby so it would be hell.

anyone else not know what theyre gonna do with their future? i had a job at 21 in an amazon facility for about a month, but i lost it because my dad stopped driving me and i had to much anxiety to get myself there. ive been a NEET ever since i dropped out of middle school other than that i have no idea what im gonna do. most days i dont eat because im to anxious to go outside and where i live doesnt help, my dad uses our house as a flophouse for his bum friends to play loud shitty guitar music. i think my future is fucked, it might be better if i spared myself the suffering and committed suicide but i dont have the will to do it, just like i dont have the will to do anything else which is why im in this situation.