/dep/ - Depression

>>279718
brief advice because I am somewhat busy:

your isolation has increased your self-awareness a thousand-fold. or in other words, you have spent so much time alone that you have become hyper-fixated on assessing every aspect of your own mind. this will naturally lead you into a sort of psychosis just by simple virtue of having been alone for so long. this however and happily can be easily dispelled through again mixing yourself with others socially even if for only 10-20 minutes every day. in the absence of outside matter whereon to latch the searching nature of your brain, your thinking has instead enfolded on itself and become completely engrossed in the evaluation of itself, to an apparently unhealthy degree. your anticipation that others will be looking upon you with suspicion/doubt will create this reality even if it was not there in the social fabric to begin with. this is like talking to a middle-schooler who thinks everyone is secretly making fun of him. it simply is not the case. not paying attention to others when you are out and about is one of the best ways to remain invisible to them. once you start suspecting everyone is paying attention to you, and you requite that suspicion with your own, then they will start looking at you more because you have announced your own anxiety to them.

at this moment, your mind is in a darkened place and you've convinced yourself that all is hopeless. this is likely not so. if you really affirm within your thinking that "Nevertheless, each day I realize I will never find the one I love. I will never find the friends I desire" then you are already foredooming yourself to failure. this is needless. you should be self-aware enough to understand that we all pass through moods – some much more frightening than others – but that again these moods are easily influenced by the little annoyances we all deal with every day, and that these are not permanent, and that finally you should be enduring enough to see yourself through them until the shadows have passed.

"I'll never be able to share a sincere moment with anybody" but you're doing this right now, as I'm endeavoring as sincerely as possible to help you.

also, are you jewish? if so, know that that community is very single-minded, and individuality is greatly shunned. if you are capable of individual thought (which it sPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>279722
Thank you anon.

This place has users with more wisdom , and experience , compared to nearly every other imageboard I've been to. It *is* very helpful.

>And even though I can carry a conversation, and I can fake a sense of humor, and I can develop a rapport with others, just because I've wrote the necessary mental functions, subroutines in my cerebral software required to do so…

> I'll never be able to share a sincere moment with anybody.

> When I decide to peel back the layers, and choose to act as I am, most people stare at me in complete confusion, and utter bewilderment.

It's funny, I feel the same way, not because of aspergers though, but because of depression and social anxiety. I have to fake my interactions with everyone because my normal reaction would be one of two things: no reaction at all, or fear. I am mostly dead inside, other than feeling fear so things that elicit emotional reactions from others do not do so for me and mundane social interactions cause severe fear that keeps my brain in panic mode and unable to function normally or produce organic responses.

I have to fake what I think the person expects from me rather than doing what is natural for me because I know what is natural for me is inappropriate (when I am supposed to elicit an emotion that I lack), or I simply cannot even summon a natural response because my brain is in panic mode like a deer in the headlights.

This leaves me feeling incredibly empty inside and feeling like people can sense that I have nothing to offer them in social situations and this has instilled an insecurity in myself. I doubt I will ever be able to fake being a human being well enough for people to like me so I isolate myself. This is probably an irrational fear on some level but it has still held me back from pursuing relationships. After that isolation becomes self reinforcing because I feel even more empty and worthless to people on a social level because, having no social life, I have nothing to talk about seeing as most of what people talk about is other people.

I'm antisocial in it's real sense and had psychopathic patterns as a child etc. even had to go to a forensic psychiatrist. it runs in the family, very severe stuff and life ruining. I'm basically a sociopath but not with good manipulative social skills and more like a neanderthal amongst social human beings.

I can relate to most of what you describe especially the faking during interactions part. I'm unable to show actual interest in other human beings and all my interactions scare people off because I literally talk with them as if I'm some serial killer guy who's trying to look normal before pulling a knife out, people can always sense that I'm fucked up almost like animals but I've also been told that I look uncanny because my expressions are cold. My parents treated me the same way, they were only able to superficially act nice but they never gave a fuck about me and most of our interactions were met with one word answers and no emotions whatsoever, I could tell them that I tried to kill myself and they would forget about it the next day.

The lack of social interaction is sickening but then again I'm unable to socialize because I can't actually be interested in others so it's a vicious cycle. I'm isolated all the time and sometimes don't talk with anyone for weeks and whenever I interact with people I'll remember those little interactions for months because nothing else is going on in my life social wise. My brain also tends to make the most meaningless interactions seem important. I talk to myself when I'm at home and I often think about people who can't even remember who I am and most of my social daydreams involve family members because family gatherings are the only time I'm actually seeing a lot of people and those happen like twice a year or just once. I also record myself as if I'm talking to someone about my thoughts and then I erase the recordings again like a retard but it somehow helps.

can relate to this a lot and its sucks so much to admit it

all this accept pain or not to worry about things you cannot control shit is the most retarded and backwards belief there is. it's obviously not okay to feel pain, it's absolutely horrible to feel a lot of pain and you cannot escape it. it's the faith of many and that's why life sucks. there is nothing that can be done.

>>279837
> it's obviously not okay to feel pain,
its an unavoidable part of life for everyone. It's okay to feel pain, because it wouldn't be okay if you couldn't feel pain or never did.

Have you ever considered that you might need to toughen up a bit?

>>279658
what even is boomer friendship, boomers grew up in a different environment where there was no internet and created stronger bonds with each other as a result, their relationships being more cohesive.

>>279658
What is boomer friendship I don't get it

>>279659
but that's just it. they aren't friends with each other. most of them stab each other in the back and talk shit behind their backs.
it's just like how boomer marriage ends up in divorce. the narcissist generation can't get along with any one

>>279659
The south park example is a good one. I noticed that zoomers are often socially retarded by default. It's funny how the social retardation I grew up with is in many cases normal now for zoomers. I keep hearing that zoomers tend to be more unreliable irl as well and often they care more about posting stories on snapchat and IG than actually experiencing things and their social media behavior seamlessly flows into every irl interaction as well, theres a big amount of zoomers who wouldn't meet their friends irl if they couldnt post about it online. I also heard a shitload of zoomers complain about how every gathering ends up with everyone just being on their phones all the time lol. It's funny how so many supposed normies are becoming social retards now because social media is part of their whole development as human beings. Social media turns normies into retards because it feeds so well into their behavior but it also fucked up the more autistic types as well.

Seeing people interact online makes me feel even more detached, I constantly have to Google shit people write to even understand what the fuck they mean and I keep thinking people are original when in reality everyone just repeats the same stuff over and over again until it gets old.

>>279488
I just got ghosted by my only online friend and it sucks.

>>279801
It won't, there's a reason it's not there, they want people addicted to porn. Why do you think free porn is so easy to find?

>>279816
Im pretty sure some progressive retards who studied psychology will try to prevent any meaningful criticism of pornography. Modern psychology is a joke.

>>279818
everything jewish run becomes a joke. they are the priests of the clown cult

>>279818
>>279819
Also a friendly reminder that the therapist you open up to about your weirdo problems is a literal normie who fucked around and did drugs during uni and he's secretly laughing at your weirdo virgin issues while keeping you on the leash with meaningless consulting and med prescribing.

>>279821
such therapists deserve to be assaulted by horses

Lift heavy weights and and down repeatedly, do push-ups and abdominal curls, and go for a jog. This will hurt you and make you resistant to all damage.

>>278913
>weights and and down
UP and down*. Sorry, I haven't lifted yet today, so my brain is only on average power.

they say to grip ice or use a rubber band. personally i don't entertain people's self harm. i don't give any credence to the idea that i care about it as though they matter. it's kind of like dealing with a kid or an animal. After they know they can get something from you (food, affection, deeds) they just instantly lean on you. I find it more dignified to them to not give them any attention.
>>278914
i still read it as 'up and down' until i saw your post correcting it. you didn't have to post twice

>>278907
you need to have a phone book between the punch and the victim if you don't want to leave marks.

electric is another good one

>>278913
That causes permanent damage if you do it enough

>>275759
>i don't want to feel pain
>i don't give a fuck about my life
get real, you don't want to die.
Find a peaceful place and rest for the rest of your life.

There is too many people outside there who deserves lead and you may not be one of them

>>275759
Please don't kill yourself. Have you ever seeked some form of alternative help?

>>275759
Don't kill yourself. That's out of the frying pan and into the fire.

>>275552
It's not "dysphoria", it's "dysmorphia". One is the feeling that trannies get when they realize they will never be real succubi.

>>275601
nothing to do with t levels, they're objectively more pleasing to the eye, don't expect guys memed by society into thinking the optimal male form is schwarzenegger to accept that though

>>275553
Wiz I agree and disagree.
BDD isn't some inferiority complex like crabs have. I have BDD and my eyes cannot be trusted as they distort what they see making looking at myself confusing.

Crabs do not have BDD they just want to get laid

>>279157
Just a note: high BMI regardless of whether it is from fat or muscle is associated with reductions in longevity. It's largely not healthy to be very muscular.

>>279175
buy some better mirrors then

I often experience this feeling of absolute wonderment over how useless and broken my life is and straight after I think if anyone else became me they would instantly seek death.

I have actually become retarded or something. I do not have an intellectual disability but my memory is so awful that I get lost often when trying to grab groceries and have to get help doing simple things because of anxiety.

I look mentally ill and people just look at me weird but treat me all so kindly only as a ploy to harm me (and any of us) of course.
You are not the worst loser I know this.

This lifestyle just seems so lonely and depressing. Been a loner all my life since high school and i'm starting to crack. Everyday is the same and nothing interests me anymore. I don't even know why I bother to live, I have no more purposes.

Doesn't sound surreal, just a standard low achiever build
Surreal is the guy getting 160 bucks per day from begging next to me and blowing it all on coke that he sniffs behind a dumpster

>>279177
You need to seriously turn your back on this lifestyle right now if you can. It doesn't get easier for people and people here will tell you this. A persons disposition towards being lonely seems to be fairly concrete.

I find everything boring and aim for diversion above enjoyment but cannot tress how important being able to appreciate art is for a wizard. There is more good music worth hearing and books worth reading and so on than we have years to live so being able to become absorbed in reading or listening to music is important as well as a creative hobby.

The longer you are alone the more you diverge from the whole and we are only tethered to each other by our otherness itself.

>>277245
Gymmaxing

>>278149
OP just spouted some nonsense that sounds good but had no substance

don’t want to live, kill yourself

life is not that easy when you have a low iq. Im retarded and theres no way for self improvement for myself, as its impossible to find a path for it when you have no brain

>>279072
maybe cause you lost a substantial part of your brain somehow?? idk really