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There are times, just like now, when I nearly enter psychosis from the panic I enter after laying in my isolation, and my mind begins to process the weight of my loneliness.

Severe Asperger's is not fun. And even though I can carry a conversation, and I can fake a sense of humor, and I can develop a rapport with others, just because I've wrote the necessary mental functions, subroutines in my cerebral software required to do so…

I'll never be able to share a sincere moment with anybody.

When I decide to peel back the layers, and choose to act as I am, most people stare at me in complete confusion, and utter bewilderment.

Sometimes it's difficult to believe that everyone around me is the same species as I am.

Some people seem to not even speak the same language as me. As often times I'll be asked to repeat words that, at the very least in my mind, don't seem that complicated.

These people I find very strange, especially those who just exist to take up space, never harboring any drive to be more than what they are. Consuming slop to sustain themselves and never thinking outside their bubble.

It's like everyone around me chose to tune into a completely different frequency than I have. Maybe when I listen to what they have to say, my experience to them is very much as it is for them towards me.

Nevertheless, each day I realize I will never find the one I love. I will never find the friends I desire.
And each day of reconciliation is more of my soul, and spirit, and drive shattered.
2 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


brief advice because I am somewhat busy:

your isolation has increased your self-awareness a thousand-fold. or in other words, you have spent so much time alone that you have become hyper-fixated on assessing every aspect of your own mind. this will naturally lead you into a sort of psychosis just by simple virtue of having been alone for so long. this however and happily can be easily dispelled through again mixing yourself with others socially even if for only 10-20 minutes every day. in the absence of outside matter whereon to latch the searching nature of your brain, your thinking has instead enfolded on itself and become completely engrossed in the evaluation of itself, to an apparently unhealthy degree. your anticipation that others will be looking upon you with suspicion/doubt will create this reality even if it was not there in the social fabric to begin with. this is like talking to a middle-schooler who thinks everyone is secretly making fun of him. it simply is not the case. not paying attention to others when you are out and about is one of the best ways to remain invisible to them. once you start suspecting everyone is paying attention to you, and you requite that suspicion with your own, then they will start looking at you more because you have announced your own anxiety to them.

at this moment, your mind is in a darkened place and you've convinced yourself that all is hopeless. this is likely not so. if you really affirm within your thinking that "Nevertheless, each day I realize I will never find the one I love. I will never find the friends I desire" then you are already foredooming yourself to failure. this is needless. you should be self-aware enough to understand that we all pass through moods – some much more frightening than others – but that again these moods are easily influenced by the little annoyances we all deal with every day, and that these are not permanent, and that finally you should be enduring enough to see yourself through them until the shadows have passed.

"I'll never be able to share a sincere moment with anybody" but you're doing this right now, as I'm endeavoring as sincerely as possible to help you.

also, are you jewish? if so, know that that community is very single-minded, and individuality is greatly shunned. if you are capable of individual thought (which it sPost too long. Click here to view the full text.


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Thank you anon.

This place has users with more wisdom , and experience , compared to nearly every other imageboard I've been to. It *is* very helpful.


>And even though I can carry a conversation, and I can fake a sense of humor, and I can develop a rapport with others, just because I've wrote the necessary mental functions, subroutines in my cerebral software required to do so…

> I'll never be able to share a sincere moment with anybody.

> When I decide to peel back the layers, and choose to act as I am, most people stare at me in complete confusion, and utter bewilderment.

It's funny, I feel the same way, not because of aspergers though, but because of depression and social anxiety. I have to fake my interactions with everyone because my normal reaction would be one of two things: no reaction at all, or fear. I am mostly dead inside, other than feeling fear so things that elicit emotional reactions from others do not do so for me and mundane social interactions cause severe fear that keeps my brain in panic mode and unable to function normally or produce organic responses.

I have to fake what I think the person expects from me rather than doing what is natural for me because I know what is natural for me is inappropriate (when I am supposed to elicit an emotion that I lack), or I simply cannot even summon a natural response because my brain is in panic mode like a deer in the headlights.

This leaves me feeling incredibly empty inside and feeling like people can sense that I have nothing to offer them in social situations and this has instilled an insecurity in myself. I doubt I will ever be able to fake being a human being well enough for people to like me so I isolate myself. This is probably an irrational fear on some level but it has still held me back from pursuing relationships. After that isolation becomes self reinforcing because I feel even more empty and worthless to people on a social level because, having no social life, I have nothing to talk about seeing as most of what people talk about is other people.


I'm antisocial in it's real sense and had psychopathic patterns as a child etc. even had to go to a forensic psychiatrist. it runs in the family, very severe stuff and life ruining. I'm basically a sociopath but not with good manipulative social skills and more like a neanderthal amongst social human beings.

I can relate to most of what you describe especially the faking during interactions part. I'm unable to show actual interest in other human beings and all my interactions scare people off because I literally talk with them as if I'm some serial killer guy who's trying to look normal before pulling a knife out, people can always sense that I'm fucked up almost like animals but I've also been told that I look uncanny because my expressions are cold. My parents treated me the same way, they were only able to superficially act nice but they never gave a fuck about me and most of our interactions were met with one word answers and no emotions whatsoever, I could tell them that I tried to kill myself and they would forget about it the next day.

The lack of social interaction is sickening but then again I'm unable to socialize because I can't actually be interested in others so it's a vicious cycle. I'm isolated all the time and sometimes don't talk with anyone for weeks and whenever I interact with people I'll remember those little interactions for months because nothing else is going on in my life social wise. My brain also tends to make the most meaningless interactions seem important. I talk to myself when I'm at home and I often think about people who can't even remember who I am and most of my social daydreams involve family members because family gatherings are the only time I'm actually seeing a lot of people and those happen like twice a year or just once. I also record myself as if I'm talking to someone about my thoughts and then I erase the recordings again like a retard but it somehow helps.


can relate to this a lot and its sucks so much to admit it


Let go. Sometimes you have to lance the abscess and let the poison flow without getting caught up in it.

All of us, every single human being has mental habits , patterns that they laid down in the past, They were causes, and they must have an effect. The effect is that these old mental habits will inevitably arise again. Let them arise and flow in your perception, feeling and consciousness without actually reinforcing the habit energy itself. Give it space and let it be heard. Let it exhaust itself. Let go


all this accept pain or not to worry about things you cannot control shit is the most retarded and backwards belief there is. it's obviously not okay to feel pain, it's absolutely horrible to feel a lot of pain and you cannot escape it. it's the faith of many and that's why life sucks. there is nothing that can be done.


> it's obviously not okay to feel pain,
its an unavoidable part of life for everyone. It's okay to feel pain, because it wouldn't be okay if you couldn't feel pain or never did.

Have you ever considered that you might need to toughen up a bit?


Normalfags with jobs are always the most excited about videogames, media, food, travels, parties, etc. because for them it's really an escape to their boring lives so they have an advantage when it comes to enjoying media and life in general. Following the normal script makes it possible for an appreciation that neets don't have but wagies do.
The neets who don't know anything but videogames from being in their rooms chronically online on imageboards don't get the same dopamine as a wagiecuck who comes back home to play with their other wagecuck friends and spends the weekend socializing or going out.

We couldn't even if we tried. The neets who say to be happy are actually on the more normalfag side. They're mostly healthy individuals with no mental illness they also have friends offline or online or grew up and were accepted at one point by their peers.
Average neetie experiences so much anhedonia they resort to drugs to cope and are always suicidal or suffering from mental illness. There's always anxiety and we can't pinpoint the roots of it so it must be that we were not meant for this life.

Wagiecuck normies actually get excited about new things, meetings, playing, going out
They're getting more out of life despite having to work for a living, it's natural for them. They also don't have to worry or obsess about the quality of things as much as a neet so they don't suffer when something they like goes in the wrong direction, they simply move on because they don't have the time.

Normalfag and wagies are resilient and grateful for the tiniest of things even during difficult times, that's something difficult to cultivate as a neet. There's many things that go unappreciated but not for the normalfag. I can accuse them of being basic and crude but I can't ignore that their lives as lived by them is understandable.
10 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


what even is boomer friendship, boomers grew up in a different environment where there was no internet and created stronger bonds with each other as a result, their relationships being more cohesive.


What is boomer friendship I don't get it


but that's just it. they aren't friends with each other. most of them stab each other in the back and talk shit behind their backs.
it's just like how boomer marriage ends up in divorce. the narcissist generation can't get along with any one


The south park example is a good one. I noticed that zoomers are often socially retarded by default. It's funny how the social retardation I grew up with is in many cases normal now for zoomers. I keep hearing that zoomers tend to be more unreliable irl as well and often they care more about posting stories on snapchat and IG than actually experiencing things and their social media behavior seamlessly flows into every irl interaction as well, theres a big amount of zoomers who wouldn't meet their friends irl if they couldnt post about it online. I also heard a shitload of zoomers complain about how every gathering ends up with everyone just being on their phones all the time lol. It's funny how so many supposed normies are becoming social retards now because social media is part of their whole development as human beings. Social media turns normies into retards because it feeds so well into their behavior but it also fucked up the more autistic types as well.

Seeing people interact online makes me feel even more detached, I constantly have to Google shit people write to even understand what the fuck they mean and I keep thinking people are original when in reality everyone just repeats the same stuff over and over again until it gets old.


I just got ghosted by my only online friend and it sucks.

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How do you stop being addicted to +18 content? I've been trying to quit forever for 2 years but I always come back

Do you have an effective method?
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It won't, there's a reason it's not there, they want people addicted to porn. Why do you think free porn is so easy to find?


Im pretty sure some progressive retards who studied psychology will try to prevent any meaningful criticism of pornography. Modern psychology is a joke.


everything jewish run becomes a joke. they are the priests of the clown cult


Also a friendly reminder that the therapist you open up to about your weirdo problems is a literal normie who fucked around and did drugs during uni and he's secretly laughing at your weirdo virgin issues while keeping you on the leash with meaningless consulting and med prescribing.


such therapists deserve to be assaulted by horses


How do I cause myself physical pain without leaving visible injuries or causing permanent damage?
2 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


Lift heavy weights and and down repeatedly, do push-ups and abdominal curls, and go for a jog. This will hurt you and make you resistant to all damage.


>weights and and down
UP and down*. Sorry, I haven't lifted yet today, so my brain is only on average power.


they say to grip ice or use a rubber band. personally i don't entertain people's self harm. i don't give any credence to the idea that i care about it as though they matter. it's kind of like dealing with a kid or an animal. After they know they can get something from you (food, affection, deeds) they just instantly lean on you. I find it more dignified to them to not give them any attention.
i still read it as 'up and down' until i saw your post correcting it. you didn't have to post twice


you need to have a phone book between the punch and the victim if you don't want to leave marks.

electric is another good one


That causes permanent damage if you do it enough


How do I kill myself without feeling pain?

I don't give a fuck about my life anymore, I just want to finish this.
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>i don't want to feel pain
>i don't give a fuck about my life
get real, you don't want to die.
Find a peaceful place and rest for the rest of your life.


There is too many people outside there who deserves lead and you may not be one of them


Please don't kill yourself. Have you ever seeked some form of alternative help?


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Don't kill yourself. That's out of the frying pan and into the fire.


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Religion, working out, self-care, etc. Every step I took I could not take myself seriously or I'd over obsess perfection and progress.

Being me was still at the back of my mind an essence of me I do not like it's hard to explain. Religion hasn't fixed it, making me hope for soul death, to be non existent. Maybe it's more than body dysphoria maybe it's caused because the body is an icon of me and how it's more susceptible to nature than others.
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It's not "dysphoria", it's "dysmorphia". One is the feeling that trannies get when they realize they will never be real succubi.


nothing to do with t levels, they're objectively more pleasing to the eye, don't expect guys memed by society into thinking the optimal male form is schwarzenegger to accept that though


Wiz I agree and disagree.
BDD isn't some inferiority complex like crabs have. I have BDD and my eyes cannot be trusted as they distort what they see making looking at myself confusing.

Crabs do not have BDD they just want to get laid


Just a note: high BMI regardless of whether it is from fat or muscle is associated with reductions in longevity. It's largely not healthy to be very muscular.


buy some better mirrors then

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When I'm in bed and not distracted anymore I think about how surreal my life is. Most people have some kind of routine or grounding in reality. They go work, talk to people at work, have friends, family and even if someone is a NEET they might have online friends or they are in online communities. Even a total hermit will read books, watch movies, maybe have some hobby like cooking, gardening, music, whatever…

but I somehow have 0 attention span and 0 willpower and 0 extraversion so I've been kinda sitting at home for years not doing anything. Just consuming a lot of random distracting useless information online. The boomer equivalent would be I think spending the whole day watching game shows and infomercials on tv. Since I have no drive to commit to anything and I don't interact with people I haven't really developed as a person. I can't talk to people less because of some social phobia but because I have nothing to talk about.

Maybe this is more common than I think but it just feels weird.


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I often experience this feeling of absolute wonderment over how useless and broken my life is and straight after I think if anyone else became me they would instantly seek death.

I have actually become retarded or something. I do not have an intellectual disability but my memory is so awful that I get lost often when trying to grab groceries and have to get help doing simple things because of anxiety.

I look mentally ill and people just look at me weird but treat me all so kindly only as a ploy to harm me (and any of us) of course.
You are not the worst loser I know this.


This lifestyle just seems so lonely and depressing. Been a loner all my life since high school and i'm starting to crack. Everyday is the same and nothing interests me anymore. I don't even know why I bother to live, I have no more purposes.


Doesn't sound surreal, just a standard low achiever build
Surreal is the guy getting 160 bucks per day from begging next to me and blowing it all on coke that he sniffs behind a dumpster


You need to seriously turn your back on this lifestyle right now if you can. It doesn't get easier for people and people here will tell you this. A persons disposition towards being lonely seems to be fairly concrete.

I find everything boring and aim for diversion above enjoyment but cannot tress how important being able to appreciate art is for a wizard. There is more good music worth hearing and books worth reading and so on than we have years to live so being able to become absorbed in reading or listening to music is important as well as a creative hobby.

The longer you are alone the more you diverge from the whole and we are only tethered to each other by our otherness itself.


Life is simple. If you are poor, work, if you are ugly, improve your hygiene and your personality, if you are fat, go on a diet, if you are sad, cry, if you are happy, laugh, if you cannot be happy, then try to be happy.
Life is simple, problems are simple, and the solutions to these problems are also simple, many times one tries to think about a problem a thousand times but the reality is that it is not as complicated as it seems.
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OP just spouted some nonsense that sounds good but had no substance


don’t want to live, kill yourself


life is not that easy when you have a low iq. Im retarded and theres no way for self improvement for myself, as its impossible to find a path for it when you have no brain


maybe cause you lost a substantial part of your brain somehow?? idk really

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