[ Home ] [ wiz / dep / hob / lounge / jp / meta / games / music ] [ all ] [ Rules ] [ FAQ ] [ Search / History ] [ Textboard ] [ Wiki ]

/dep/ - Depression

Depression

[New Thread]

Email
Subject	Spoiler Image
Comment
File
Embed
Password	(For file deletion.)

[Go to bottom] [Catalog] [Reload] [Archive]

The Road is Long and Dark Anonymage 09/28/24 (Sat) 00:31:07 No.295208 [Reply]

Good fuck anons its been so long. Its been so many fucked up years of pretending and lying, trying to be fucked up false versions of my self to get by only to come back, to end up here again, wasted and posting on a dying imageboard of likeminded misanthropist, deadbeats because they're the only people I've ever really honestly related to. What a fuck. What an absolute fuck life is and fuck into the bleakest hell everlasting.
All that's left is music, a few good books, and copious quantities of spirits to keep me company till this charade is really exhausted of all it's juice and there's no course left but to put an end to it once and for fucking all.
I honestly have no excuse or aid to talk someone (let alone myself) off the ledge. Under rational circumstances, suicide is a perfectly reasonable and justified action/reaction to life. There's no real argument against it, just excuses, distractions to post-pone it. But excuses run dry and then what.
Then it's gone.
Let's hope they last long enough that nature will take it's course and do the dirty work for me. Spare the few idiots around me yet another cause of undue and irrational grief while still giving me the relief I'm lookin for.

Anonymage 09/28/24 (Sat) 04:03:53 No.295209

Anonymage 09/28/24 (Sat) 04:13:22 No.295210

You're right, the road really is long and dark. But some of us are still here and have understanding for what you wrote. Life is beyond horrific but I would advise you (as someone who has attempted suicide before) to try to remain as calm and clear-minded as possible and not to allow yourself to fall into a helpless sobbing sadness. You don't need to rush anything, whether it's a self-inflicted death or any other thing – remember each day is lived one at a time, there is no need to darkly over-imagine what may follow tomorrow, something good might come if we relieve ourselves of the panic and just embrace whatever amount of time has been allotted to us. Stay strong, wiz.

File: 1726582802288.jpeg (43.02 KB, 653x470, 653:470, butterfly nebula.jpeg) ImgOps iqdb

Anonymage 09/17/24 (Tue) 14:20:02 No.295002 [Reply]

I have nothing to look forward too.

People need projects and things to look forward. I have nothing.

5 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymage 09/24/24 (Tue) 04:28:34 No.295136

The only think I look forward to is my own death

Anonymage 09/24/24 (Tue) 18:03:51 No.295148

>>295042
I've tried to understand how to draw and make music, but my brain just doesn't understand how to improve at them and I stay horrible at them no matter how much I try.

Anonymage 09/27/24 (Fri) 03:01:36 No.295193

File: 1727406095441.jpg (2.12 MB, 3000x3000, 1:1, cover.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>295002
There's nothing to look forward to. Only things to occupy yourself with until that termination, that cessation and extinction of all this vain bullshit finally arrives.
My solace is loud music and shitty comedy. Once that well runs dry, if life hasn't ended on it's own accord I'll do the job for it.

Anonymage 09/27/24 (Fri) 10:35:02 No.295196

>>295193
Respectable role. Better than most.

>>295148
I have found that pure self-study is really difficult. You need that outside perspective of someone on your work that interacts with it and shows you exactly where you can change. It took me about 2 years of doing music to reach something resembling a personal satisfaction in creating, with the first 6 months containing occasional third person feedback from people online. Educative resources are also important to train your "eye", but simply reading over the basics on wikipedia or with an introductory youtube video is frankly all you need. The last great tool to leverage is the work of others. Steal it, deconstruct it, transcribe it by ear, copy sheet music, whatever it takes; as long as you try and look at what they did so you can start doing it too. All art is muscle memory/technical ability combined with the ability to "see". When you hit a wall, it's always one or the other that's holding you back.

I still feel this thread however. I'm very ambition-averse. Entertainment and creating is no different from the meal you eat to keep your body from aching. This is the most natural motivation, the one with limitless supply. All it does is maintain a status-quo, without regard for past or future. People need goals in order to fixate outside of the present moment, I'm lucky enough that my present moment is an easily tolerated monotony. There's not as much stress in the same pain every day if you know you can handle it.

Anonymage 09/27/24 (Fri) 11:10:28 No.295197

File: 1727435427721.jpg (127.3 KB, 1024x1024, 1:1, Aura of Sorcery by Alyarie.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>295002
Are you another projector of those? Last time I asked here about it, someone told me they were a generator but the entire place looks like a bunch of failed projectors living by outer expectations. It feels dangerous at start and it's said you need seven years to really awaken to what you are, but may God be soft towards me everything Human Design told me to (not) do is pretty much nailing it. It even has rules about how to eat your meals in order to have your brain synchronized with your type and polarity.

>>295148
Because you wanted to be something, since what you are does not fulfill you, right? Yeah, they call this "the Not-Self". Quite a thing.

>pay attention, losers
>you cannot know where the gold lies when no one tells you that it lies beyond places you wouldn't ever believe it to be

it's better to stay at home in your room Anonymage 01/27/24 (Sat) 17:43:32 No.288457 [Reply]

Back in High School I tried to cope with doing hobbies outside, to participate in normalfag activities because I wanted to at least give the bluepilled advice a go, I knew in the back of my mind it would not work and to nobody's surprise, the expectations are exactly what occurred, it resulted in nothing but utter humiliation. I played for a football academy back in High School and whilst I was decent at it I was treated poorly by my teammates, did not make a single friend there even though I contributed a lot to the stats of the team, we even made it very far into the tournament, after that incident I was discouraged to make friends because no matter how much meritocratic value is under your hands you are worthless to everyone, unless you're a prodigy your efforts are worthless.

Going outside has not improved my health but only worsen it, it has done the opposite effect, it makes me feel more worthless, more worse overall, a complete abomination, it reminds me of what I look like which is the opposite of what I'm trying to achieve. If you're an ugly midget subhuman like me then don't go outside and if you have to then try to limit it as much as possible because other people will remind you of your own flaws.

For ugly midgets like me, I think it's better to stay home and play video games. Don't go outside unless you have to. Make sure all of your hobbies are in solitude, experience surreal dimensions through novels, animes and video games. Outdoor hobbies can be selectively chosen, ones that don't include many people, walk through national parks in those isolating tracks because not much people are there, it's a great cope to view nature as a wiz. If you have the privilege, then work remote or at least hybrid, if you can't do this then get into a field of work that requires a limited interaction of others, if you are even more privileged then NEET but I would not suggest this as its damaging to your health in the long run.

There's no point going to malls, restaurants or visiting popular tourist sites like the Eiffel tower, it is super damaging to your brain being in places surrounded by normalfags. Just watch the YouTube video of it or visit the Minecraft version.

55 posts and 5 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymage 08/21/24 (Wed) 00:30:13 No.294296

>>292204
I've been reeling from this image for the past several minutes. Holy shit my sides.

Anonymage 09/02/24 (Mon) 15:34:21 No.294703

>>288647
>She, like the rest of the world, probably sees me as a cockroach.
why do you care what she thinks of you? You are stronger than she can ever hope to be. Gymbros are built like bricks and will be stronger than 90% of the population, you are the ones who have the least reason to be in fear of people. You can punch a hole in every untrained guy, regardless if they are taller than you.

they only people you need to worry about are fitter gymbros and people who have been trained or experience in fighting.

Anonymage 09/02/24 (Mon) 15:48:47 No.294704

>>288897
>if people don't like you, they will treat you badly and you will be passed for promotions and fired as soon as possible.
They can only do this if you are incapable of retaliating. Used to be an unfit slob but after months of push-ups, crunches and squats, I noticed that people started to "respect" me more. Mostly because they believe I can actually cause them harm if I wanted to. now they only show their dislike in the indirect form of "not invited to the party", "first to get layoff" and "not promoted". But at least the direct badly treatment is gone, got away with yelling back at my boss, he didn't dare to escalate things by shouting at me further, I was just not welcomed to the end of the year party. Will probably be layoff once they find an replacement. But that is OK I can find a new job. Also live with parents so wont' exactly end up in the streets.

Anonymage 09/26/24 (Thu) 15:45:54 No.295181

>>288625
>a lot of people regret not doing more with their lives. i regret not doing less.
I am in a similar situation. In my early adult years I spent more time on trying to get my computer science degree. Also worked part time jobs. I hoarded a lot of games, movies, books and music I wanted to consume, but never did for most of them. My excuse was that I didn't have time for that and I would do it later. But when I did I felt guilty, like I didn't spend my time wisely, which promoted me to do it rarely. Only started to go trough my backlogs of media seriously now in my late 20s.
It hits different and I don't feel the same sense of joy from media like I used to when a was a teenager and young adult. I feel like I missed out.
Many people feel regret over enjoying themselves with gaming, traveling or partying too much and wasted away their youth without developing any skills.
I feel regret over not enjoying myself more, now I feel apathetic about most things. nothing is THAT fun anymore, I finally have the time and money to do what I want. Yet I can't get the same amount of joy from it anymore.
>enjoyed grinding in RPGs, seeing my characters getting stronger and richer, even if the stories were cliche I still enjoy them as a teenager.
>grinding now feels repetitive and boring and the cliche stories feels cringe.
Maybe it's just that a fully developed brain is harder to entertain, than a still developing one. Far cry 4, Witcher 3, Doom(2016) games my friends spoke about like the best thing ever, I only started to play now as someone almost 30, while they played these in their early 20s. While good, they don't feel amazing. Maybe I would have felt different had I played these games around or 1-2 years pass their release date while I was below 25. I even used to enjoy shows like simpsons, family guy and south park now I just feel cringe when I try to watch them.

Anonymage 09/26/24 (Thu) 23:08:17 No.295190

I spent too much time trying to force myself into doing normie activities, I just assumed if I kept forcing myself my brain would change and I would become normified. But I realize now I was wrong, everything I did was a waste of effort. I got locked out of the normie class by choosing the wrong dialogue options, there's no respecing my class now.

Life is hell if you can't find your sub group. I know what niche I technically should fall into, but due to my lifestyle and personality I will never meet those people. So I'm condemned to walk amongst the normandom as an outsider who will never be accepted.

Ultimately it was going to a psychologist that finally crystallized this belief for me, because therapy felt so empty and hollow I realized only normies could gain anything from hearing simple platitudes and somehow improving their life from dumb shit like CBT. If CBT works for you then that's proof you don't have much going on in your head. Just replace your negative thoughts with non-negative thoughts is CBT in a nutshell. Clearly if I could do that then I wouldn't be there in the first place.

Stay inside, give up all hope of ever improving anything, and just enjoy your hollow little activities until the bux stop flowing in. That's my life plan.

File: 1727151983989.jpg (185.56 KB, 735x843, 245:281, 7d3eb8e7d6751cef7b69e42c0b….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Anonymage 09/24/24 (Tue) 04:26:24 No.295135 [Reply]

Years of isolation made me lose the ability to socialize like a normal human being
I personally don't crave socialization, but my body does, because I'm human and humans are social beings

3 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymage 09/25/24 (Wed) 15:12:45 No.295164

Me too. I don't feel lonely or alone, despite not having any social contacts. I've become a hermit as time wanted it, but I'm not sad over it, it's how I want to live. But sometimes when I lay in bed, I feel like I want a hug and it hurts that I don't get it, it's not a strong feeling, it's barely there, but I feel it. I still wish I could get rid of it, but as OP said, that's most likely just human.

Anonymage 09/25/24 (Wed) 17:25:00 No.295167

Conjuring a tulpa really helped me with this. Apart from talking to her and having adventures in all kinds of scenarios, it also helps with touch starvation because with enough practice you can cuddle and feel sensations and your brain can't tell the difference so it releases actual oxytocin. The fact that you know it's a simulation does not seem to matter because the chemicals released are very real and feel incredible. The caveat is that it can be quite addictive and at first, when I first discovered this feeling for the first time, I used to spend several hours in my head like I was on drugs, ignoring the real world. Eventually it mellows out like any other drug but that initial experience of feeling love can be quite overwhelming. I can now somewhat understand the stories I hear of teenagers and the crazy shit they do for their first love because it makes you feel like nothing else matters other than this bond.

Anonymage 09/25/24 (Wed) 17:37:58 No.295168

I am not trying to make anonymous strangers on the internet responsible for my life but people here neglected to mention how extremely difficult the wizard lifestyle is to actually pull off. Living in isolation was sold as the comfortable smart decision when you need to actually have a high iq and self-reliance to pull it off.

For example I dropped out of college because I was too dumb to understand the math on my own but I also was too scared to join study groups.

When I read books I don't understand everything and wish I could ask someone but there is none.

Even video games without friends certain games can't be played or are very difficult.

Rent prices are insane and living in a group can be a way to make it affordable.

I keep reading about people who got fun/easy well paying jobs and the way they got them was through knowing someone and not applying with 1000 other people.

Anonymage 09/26/24 (Thu) 12:04:45 No.295177

>>295135
makes sense, i'm similar but my desire for socialization is fulfilled by posting in places like these somehow. i feel like i'm just so not used to human interaction that even just posting on imageboards is good enough for me.

Anonymage 09/26/24 (Thu) 17:25:19 No.295183

>>295168
Books are literally gay, see >>>/b/996709

Anonymage 09/22/24 (Sun) 14:09:51 No.295102 [Reply]

god doesnt let us enter the paradise without suffering
I don't want to suffer. I don't want to suffer in the hereafter either. I just want peace. but god doesn't care about what we want. we will suffer anyway. maybe we will suffer only in this world or maybe for the rest of the eternity. there is no escape from suffering. this is so brutal. where is the mercy and love?

5 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymage 09/24/24 (Tue) 18:17:01 No.295149

>>295146
do we know if mary was a prostitute or raped?

Anonymage 09/24/24 (Tue) 18:53:50 No.295150

Paradise? lmao. Just hope you don't get your ass back here. The horror is being stuck here, whether it's reincarnation or Open individualism. Now that is God. All of us. Hating killing fucking eachother for all eternity. Madness.

Anonymage 09/24/24 (Tue) 19:21:50 No.295151

>>295150
this
the main reason i havent killed myself yet is that whatever comes after death is not guaranteed to be better than this life
and the most logical succession seems to be a cycle of decomposition and reassembly

Anonymage 09/24/24 (Tue) 22:30:46 No.295152

>>295149
She is not, repent, faggot.

Anonymage 09/27/24 (Fri) 12:32:13 No.295201

>>295146
She suffered for no reason. God could've let all live in paradise automatically, yet he didn't. The story of the fall is such nonsense as well

File: 1726690656398.png (504.04 KB, 579x378, 193:126, thin body huge length drea….png) ImgOps iqdb

kings of anti-work\ anti-Money life Anonymage 09/18/24 (Wed) 20:17:36 No.295054 [Reply]

are Brahmin-caste Naga Sadhus the gigagest chads on the Planet?
>can enter all Temples of Dharma ;ram, shiva, ganesha, vishnu etc
>legal permit to smoke Hash ,even dature seeds or opium, etc 24\7
>legal permit to go naked
>they don't work -just beg-
>know ancient martial arts, even weapon based ones such as sword, trident, maze etc. Partake in intense grappling, and stick fighting, matches
>untrimmed beard and dreadlocks, some dreaded hair-masses reach meters of length.
>just sleep on the side of the road, or temple shrine, or river side. no ta*es, no house own*rship or any other bureaucratic LSC bulls*
>can hang out with hundreds of ashram cows (cows are much more cooler than humans), never have to bathe ,legally dead as per Indian State registers also. can walk 100s of KM per month and just go chill in a cave system in the himalayas for a couple ov decades

10 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymage 09/21/24 (Sat) 20:09:44 No.295090

File: 1726949383921.png (572 KB, 1280x884, 320:221, teeth richard.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>295079
>NOOO my poor rich pampered everything-given-to-them brats!!!
I'm sure having the chance of not NEEDING college \parents gifted you car 1t 18\ paid for 3-weeks long holiday in (((paris))), etc is so much more horrible than having to scavenge cow shit since being a toddler to have a chance at not starving to death, amerite, Mr Brahmin Sir?

Anonymage 09/22/24 (Sun) 09:04:43 No.295096

>>295090
Are you able to fucking read? I am not a Brahmin. Do you think all Brahmins live a life of luxury? As a matter of fact Brahmins are the ones involved in cleaning cowshit, and since they were ostracised by Kshatriyas they have to resort to begging, but they worked their way up during British Raj, as Brahmins and the British found something in common and that was affinity for education. So did other castes, my ancestors were Vaishyas, below Kshatriyas in varna "ranking" system as prescribed by the West.

Anonymage 09/22/24 (Sun) 09:33:40 No.295097

>>295089
In some rural areas what you're describing does happen, however, in most rural areas it can't happen because most villages either belong to one caste or another, or adjacent castes. As for castism, it does exist, it's not completely eradicated, and it will never be completely eradicated, as with racism. People are always going to be fighting each other, so it does exist but it is hugely overblown. I have personally seen reverse castism more then I have seen from Upper Castes, as they tend to be Westernised, they also tend to be liberal, and more "self-hating", but my point still stands the reason why we can't and we never will develop like China is because of inherent appeasement done by the Indian State towards "minorities", completely destroying any sense of meritocracy like what exists in China.

Anonymage 09/22/24 (Sun) 09:52:48 No.295098

Ban Indians already.

Anonymage 09/22/24 (Sun) 10:35:11 No.295100

File: 1727001311423.jpeg (126.62 KB, 1300x953, 1300:953, digital-painting-aghori-s….jpeg) ImgOps iqdb

>>295097
>be liberal
human waste literally.imagine simping for the (((w*st))) when you have glorious Vedic Theocracy as a possible group-shared goal if you join an extremist hindutva faction or whatever

Anonymage 06/22/24 (Sat) 18:44:36 No.293181 [Reply]

Are you afraid of a situation where people assume that you are following them when you happen to walk in the same direction? I know I am.

Anonymage 06/22/24 (Sat) 19:11:47 No.293182

Their worries are their own to bear the weight of. If they can't travel in public without sweating over delusions and poor threat assessment, then they shouldn't be in public at all.

Anonymage 07/09/24 (Tue) 01:17:00 No.293384

When I use to walk in my old neighborhood a couple of times I remember females going off sidewalk to avoid me. I tend to do it myself a lot so I don't think much of it nowadays

Anonymage 07/09/24 (Tue) 17:25:50 No.293392

It happens a little too much in the workplace and i receive nasty looks.
It's their problem not mine, i know the sight of my face triggers uncanny valley but brotherman sometimes i want to say "it's 12 pm, i'm going to eat some food not follow you, retard"

Anonymage 09/21/24 (Sat) 02:35:31 No.295088

>>293181
Yes. It is pathetic but the situations give me lots of anxiety. I took a detour the other day because there were couples walking dogs on both sides of the street at night.

File: 1723999667092.png (2.38 MB, 1080x1282, 540:641, 9d6d32bba387eee933769d2d8e….png) ImgOps iqdb

title Anonymage 08/18/24 (Sun) 16:47:47 No.294194 [Reply]

I wasted my youth locked up, and with the screen as the only company. it's not something I wanted or chose, but that's how things were. I knew I could never make up for lost time, and I thought that by sorting out my financial life and earning a lifetime income at an early age, I could achieve freedom and live once and for all.
I started this when I was 16, it was supposed to be a 5 year plan, investing, and saving everything. Now that time has passed and I have 3 months to go before turning 22, I was unable to achieve my goals. I only got a third of the way to achieve them due to my indiscipline. I have the ability and the means to be a great businessman, but the determination and discipline of a child.

The sad part is that you realize that the most important capital is not in the land, money or a vehicle, a man's most important capital is his knowledge, something I don't have, living in agonizing ignorance. There really is no better feeling than coming home with a wad of cash, and seeing your entire house slowly fill up with boxes and more boxes. When you see what you have built, And even though in reality everything remains the same, there is a really nice feeling of growth.

30 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymage 08/27/24 (Tue) 04:29:11 No.294575

>>294573
When I was 6 years old, I lived so badly, in such a terrible environment, that I told my parents that if they didn't stop screaming I would jump out of the moving car, opening the vehicle door. Time passed, and something like committing suicide never happened to me again.

Anonymage 09/02/24 (Mon) 01:31:18 No.294692

>>294198
Getting really sick of these doom and gloom zoomers posting here

Anonymage 09/02/24 (Mon) 03:46:12 No.294696

I have a car that I can't drive, many boxes of merchandise that I don't feel like selling. I used to be motivated by making money, then I asked myself why, and I realized that fixing my financial life would just keep it the same as it is now, and it wouldn't change my life.

Anonymage 09/02/24 (Mon) 21:59:45 No.294713

>>294573
>>294568
Nah he's right. After 30

>Family stop caring to try and help make you better, they accept you're basically Chris Chan
>If you turn up to your family's place with your problems, you'll be slowly cut out of their life
>People on the street start treating you like you're a disgusting hobo instead of a delinquent teen
>You don't bounce back from mental illness like you used to. You start actually accumulating health problems

Even if you don't change mentally, shit gets a lot worse just based on how you're seen and treated.

Anonymage 09/19/24 (Thu) 11:55:38 No.295062

>>294713
I've been seen and treated like that my whole life.

File: 1722885165891.png (20.99 KB, 480x321, 160:107, 1702517174630.png) ImgOps iqdb

oekaki therapy Anonymage 08/05/24 (Mon) 19:12:45 No.293900 [Reply]

If you're feeling unhappy or down or depressed, come to this thread and draw an oekaki
some will remember the last oekaki threads 2-3 years ago made by me, here's a new one haha

12 posts and 11 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

Anonymage 09/02/24 (Mon) 01:39:21 No.294693

File: 1725241161128.png (132.18 KB, 500x250, 2:1, Oekaki.png) ImgOps iqdb