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 No.274257[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

How do I stop thinking about my lost years?

I spent the last years on imageboards, video games, tv, random youtube videos and got 0 skills or life experience.

With 31 people my age who either have a job or skills already got 10+ years of experience in the said thing. So I feel hopelessly behind and every time I want to learn something I start kicking myself for not doing it sooner when I had better conditions. My life was pretty comfy compared to now 10 years ago and I feel terrible wasting it. Now I can't say I'm ~finding myself~ anymore, I get less financial support and my health is getting worse and past 30+ the odds of random health issues increase on top of the constant regret over wasted time.

I know the robotic answer is that I can't change the past so it's pointless to think about but how can I really make peace with it mentally instead of trying to suppress these negative emotions with logic?
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That's one sad and pathetic least to have man.


Being one to create simple art to make your fellows laugh, and to spread ideas and feelings via an efficient medium which allows others to share your work as well? It's the work of a mordern modern balladsayer or bard.


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doesn't have to be memes even if your just drawing your favorite anime or doing anything not just drawing but activity in general you'll feel better even if your not some natural master in these times the best thing we can all do is anything but jerking our own gerkins while crying pathetically in the corner over our missed opportunities


It's fucking something. You probably can't imagine how purposeless and miserable some people are.

[Last 50 Posts]


i have strange urges when i watch lights flicker on the screen. they do it so smoothly and nicely. i feel like i want to flicker with them but i can't. what the fuck, jesus christ

I went outside again today.

It's amazing how fake everything looks. I mean, when people use the word "fake" here in Los Angeles; they're usually referring to the superficiality of the city's culture.

When I use the word "fake" here; I'm actually referring to how unusually artificial the world at large feels now. It's difficult to describe. It's not a pleasant feeling. I can spend most of the day outside and it doesn't stop feeling fake.


is LA a good place to wiz?



Isn't it like the most expensive city to live in? How would a wiz manage?


Probably an inheritance wizard. Not even surgeons on single salaries can afford to live there alone.

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I don't even know how to elaborate the sheer brutalness of life, I am so tired of being poor and be dependent upon my parents like a cuck. The state has no concept of neetbuxx. I have completed my degree, and I am sick of getting rejected from interviews, dancing all day long on LinkedIn out of the all fucking websites in the world, begging recruiter here and there. Changing my CV again and again, I do this all day, only to get an offer of a job that pays nothing, that wouldn't even qualify as stipend for internships.

Meanwhile, succubi in my college, particularly good looking succubi have no problem in life, they get paid so much, and get hired at an instant cause they look cool. They are truly untouchable. The new caste system is based upon looks and gender. With gender being the varna, and looks being your jaati. I don't usually get upset at things in life, as I have decided to not kill myself (maybe because of cowardice or simply it's rather unnatural), so the only logical conclusion is to improve the quality of my life that I am gonna live.

But today is one of those days, where you truly feel defeated and raped. It's quite remarkable how different my life is from an average bitch, who starts having sex at 15, travels the world, sleeps with whoever she wants, looks pretty, gets a job just for existing, good at socialising, sports, academics, etc. due to being in an extreme positive feedback loop. And most importantly despite of the cope that goes around in the online spaces, they are happier than the most.

Meanwhile, I have nothing, I don't care for relationships anymore cause damage is already done, but I can't even live a decent life alone and can't get a fucking job. A cunt who studied with me, got a job today for 11LPA INR (13K USD/YR) which is extremely good for India. Meanwhile, I can only get job a few job offers for (2K USD/YR), I mean what the fuck is this? Am I supposed to work 12 hours a day and six days a week for this, all while she goes around pilpuling her bosses and working for just 6 hours a day, 4 days a week?

This can't go on man, I can't live my like this, I don't know but this can't go on, this is wrong. I have legitimately not felt angry for like 3 years but today I really fucking am pissed of, my head hurts, I am just so fucking upset that I can't even cry, like what the fuck did I ever do to anyone to deserve this retarded fate.

I hate the fact that I have to put so much effort into tPost too long. Click here to view the full text.
41 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.


plus its very rare for the white dad of a hapa to later go on and have a full white kid. so functionally he is investing everything in his hapa family same as if he was a succubus.


>after you win and get the power, suddenly succubi find those opinions agreeable and your jokes funny.

I 100% agree what succubi will fall in line if white nationalist get power, however that is a big if. The US have the biggest army in the world, and that army has a sizeable portion of hispanics and blacks, some in leadership posistions, think they're just going to sit back and do nothing?

On top of that you have the big gender divde that has been going on lately. If you went on /pol/ or stormfront during 2008-2016 the people there almost worshiped white succubi. Whenever a story came out of a white succubus being a victim of rape or assault by an non-white man there would be an outrage, however now they cheer on when a white succubus gets in trouble, as she most likely voted for open borders and this is her reward.

When you have a culture where men cheer for the destruction of succubi and succubi hate men, that is a dying culture. It's happening in South korea on a larger scale, South Korea having the lowest birth rate in the world and a massive divide between men and succubi.


I don't the stated goal of white separation is really possible in the short term either, there's just absolutely no political will for it and as much as there is racial conflict, it isn't intense racial conflict. Whites pathetic existence as "cognitive slaves" that perform the cerebral work for a black ruling class, that taxes them into poverty, shows how much whites are willing to take. People in modern industrial society can retreat all schizo to their own ethnic enclaves and form parallel societies, which is what they're doing for the most part.

The gender divide is a self correcting problem. The ones that are conservative and breed will move on past it and the ones that don't will be filtered from the gene pool. The only risk is being swamped by a foreign culture that doesn't have internecine gender issues.

I think what's more likely is the US, and the rest of the western world, becomes like India and Brazil and just degenerates into a low trust stratified society. With socialist politics driven by envy and redistribution and being at the constant risk of becoming either a Junta or under the domination of a populist demagogue for a generation.

The contemporary fixation on DEI and reparations isn't just some passing fad. That's -literally- how the third world operates with these things, politics of envy and group identity, and a sign the west is becoming third world themselves.


Whites pathetic existence as "cognitive slaves" that perform the cerebral work for a black ruling class"*

In South Africa*

Kek, can't believe I forgot to add that


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At least some modern whites have a soul (their enslaving ancestors didn't).

Asians are the most soulless society on Earth. Any kind of display of emotion is also strictly barren and you must be happy to be a work-slave for your employer until you die.

I hate east asian societies so much. Regardless of whether it's China, Japan or Korea.

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I have a strange condition and super annoying condition where i literally, literally, literally, literally, literally cannot stop being distracted by my own thoughts, inner Voice and monologues, not Even for a minute, i cannot even focus while watching anime or cartoons with very simple plots, my eyes Would be staring at the screen but my Brain is not really there, it is Always wandering else where, i often have to repeat entrie sections in anime/cartoons/films because i keep being distracted and miss on important scenes, dialogues, details, and so on, often it feels Like a Big chore to constantly have to leave my chair to replay The thing to revisite The scenes i have "missed", let alone Read Books or watching a lecture, i just cannot Turn my Brain off, not even for a second, it causes me severe insomniac issues as well, i Can spend 12 hours in bed but only actually sleep for 5 hours max, the rest of The Time is me spent being awake and thinking endlessly About random things that don't seems to end, i been told i might have ADHD/ADD but i really cannot relate to most people with ADD/ADHD, they just seem as people with low patience, for me it's not that i get bored from Doing things or do stupid things Like not turning off my notifs, but my issue and Source of Endless distraction and concentration Issues Come from my inside.
8 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


I deal with the same.
I suspect it's early onset of Parkinson or Dementia.

Maybe it's ADD also, i don't know.


> I have a strange condition

Intrusive thoughts / OCD / etc. are not strange or never heard of. You simply might be a very severe case. In this case psychiatry and some drugs can help. Psychiatry generally sucks, but only for "fixing your life and your depressive view of the world" and things like that. But for very tangible practical brain issues like the one you're described, it can definitely help.


>i Would end up not understanding what happened and Missing on Many important details or/and jokes, it's like me leaving The room to go to the bathroom without pausing The episode Every minute just to return and notice How much i missed
How can this not be a cause for failing to concentrate? If you're constantly getting distracted by intrusive thoughts you obviously won't be able to pay attention, also what you're describing is a common OCD thought which is called "memory hoarding".
The way OCD functions is it creates an anxiety inducing thought, and then you are compelled to perform an action which will momentarily relieve this anxiety, but this usually doesn't last long and in the long-term it only makes things worse. The only solution is to identify the thought, acknowledge it as irrational, stop being afraid of it, and resist carrying out the compulsion, although this is easier said than done.
Also, no offense, but from the way you write, you might be dyslexic.


WE learn something New


Maybe, but for this one I am just phone-posting from my small phone's screen, I hate it but I have a good reason to do so.

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Maybe they're right all along.
Whenever im forced to interact with normalfags, it feels like theyre finding me repulsive and looking at me in a sense of disgust or hate. that they sense that there has to be something truly wrong with me that i cannot sense or fully comprehend my self, it feels all the faults about my self that i already can see is confirmed by others, but there is something they sense more about me than my self. it feels all these people who mentally tormented me all these years were right, because they are all living their lives now surrounded by family and friends while im here left to rot in my own prison. theyve won and ive lost, but whenever i try to join their normalfag world just to stop taking so many L's in life, copy their mannerism and speak like them, it comes out as unnatural or forced and i end up feeling exhausted then isolating my self from society even more, because that would never work, they would still be able to see through me no matter what and they can all sense of how much of a loser I am. Whenever i share any of my interests or thoughts it feels like i am humilating my self.
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>First sexual experiences
I remember my first masturbation being amazing, I was in heaven for a while. normalfags growing up all loved having sex from what I recall, I mean that was their motivation to go partying and dressing nice, etc. to make out with succubi and then have sex. They all love it and those who say their first time sucked always come back for more, don't they? they keep having sex.


>They all love it and those who say their first time sucked always come back for more, don't they? they keep having sex.
Of course. That's the part where I say the keep craving the thing. But it's an illusion, it's an ideal reinforced by movies. Reality is actually boring, and after sex they can't wait to go do something else because they always need to distract themselves with something


> Reality is actually boring
lot of people disagree with that notion. For them life is full of adventure and fun, at least till a certain age.


Typical cope invented in your mind, with zero life experience to back it. But if an illusion helps you cope, keep it up. It's all you have.


Ok crab.

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I can never connect with people there is always someone more interesting that breaks up my conversation and leaves me in the dark, whenever I say to them I am having a conversation, this was after realizing situation, the person who I initially talked to would tell me not to be rude, invite them back, and they have a conversation over me like I dont exist. Every, fucking, time. It hurts. When you are only there for temporary just because of what you offer. I used this time to reflect and realized I am the issue, but I can't help not be interesting, I can't help not expand my thoughts, I can't help but mentally go on auto pilot because my brain likes to not be there all the time. I can't help not know what to say half the time. Even autistic people online are able to have conversations and know what to say, carrying it out into long term friendships. While I drift from group to group, friends to friends, and so on.




18, Brasil


at what age did you realize that friendship only exists between normalfags and that low value men hate each other's company and will stop being friends the moment a better and more normal life is offered to them or a female shows interest in them?

I had just one friend growing up and I was happy it wasn't anything great but we shared good moments playing online videogames, visiting each other, etc. Now that was 15 years ago i am already in my 30s, and although it was fun I felt like I couldn't be my true self around him, like he didn't get that we both were losers so we were never on the same level.

I've done so much introspection that I'm fully aware of how things work out among loser males. It's a different mindset and I'm not even angry, after all, everyone wants better for them.

This friend got married to a female that's fat as a beached whale, a really obese succubus that's disgusting to look at and so we stop seeing each other. I've seen him a few years ago and his offspring is no different from this succubus, he has 1 boy and 1 succubus, both fat, the guy looks just like he did when he was young if you remove the fat I guess… And this is what I mean when I think that if all options stink, it's better to just be a wiz rather than living a miserable life, but it's in the mindset ultimately.
Some people will play the normalfag game and ignore everything, they are barely any more conscious than dogs. I always thought it's interesting how some people are just this written characters and nothing you do or say will change them so you can predict the outcomes.

I know because of how I look I will forever be seen as inferior. I am not smart, I am not athletic, I am not funny either, and I am boring and look boring. I didn't suffer for it because I was always in my mind a loner at heart and introspective. I know some of you have autism but I don't, I am just this way because at some point I got too tired of human relationships and wanted to be left alone.

Unlike me, normalfags benefit each other from friendship and being in a group, it's actually shocking how different their lives are, and I couldn't keep up with that even if I tried, having to communicate with someone every week will drive me nuts, it's a responsibility, friendship that is.

I am content with this life but it's weird how much I differ from others and the things I've learnt along the way are unique.
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Shit like this is why we get crystal cafe posters


you're too young to understand, come back when you are in your 40s


It does but it's rare, most men have acquaintances.


sorry you have 5 good friends instead of 15, hope you get over your isolation bro


You are needy. You crave it. Normalfag neurotypical sensor can detect it. That is why you fail at friendship. You basically need friends to make friends.
I ceased most human interaction. Only forced remains. Sometimes I write crap to chans. But mostly it's me time. I have given up. And that is why, paradoxically, I sometimes have to avoid needy people like you. I have no needs. But you have them. You want to drink water from my well.

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Even if I only go there every 3 months, they just have to take ugly pics of me and put it on their boomerbook profile.

I hate it when people take pics of me that permanently document my ugliness
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you're a grown ass man. no one can do anything against your will. leave the room if she won't stop yapping.


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This is the only photo I have of myself, from 13 years ago. I've gained muscle since then and have bought a shirt, but Ma hasn't taken any photos of me since. I was watching the chickenfingers in the stove cook.


true wizard


I think that's unfair to him. Many are financially dependent on their parents and need to keep a roof over their heads.


i'm dependent on my mom and i tell her go fuck herself regularly when she pisses me off. eventually she learned i don't like stupid social shit so i can chill in my room when there's guests and she won't nag me to "say hi". grow a pair lmao


So much unprocessed trauma I still choose to ignore it though I can't handle being less than others, being picked or being pushed against into fear. People close to me got the anger that I held inside. It's not like I can just get over it. Everytime I think I do new heights remind me it's impossible. Living under low self esteem and degenerating, I am avoidant of my family out of shame, and hide my eyes and face because I don't want people to see the history behind my eyes. I don't think death will take me kindly as I will relive my thoughts for eternity. Even if there was a god that accepts me and loves me unconditionally. I'd still choose to live in sin because who I am Des not reflect what is in my heart, my self hatred is something God can't fix.

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Had a dream where I died in the shower, same feeling as if you took hydromorphone for the first time, it is an intense feeling all over that is overwhelming, thoughts slow down but you still fight to stay alive. Existence just blanks out as you loose your consciousness slowly, you exist but you aren't conscious, at the last second I woke up. Still, I'm not sure if I fear death or if this indifferent situation has me over whelmed. Personally, death is not an end but a veil if it simulated realistically between that state of being awake and being asleep then the loss of consciousness isn't the end but a transformation between states like how I loose consciousness before I sleep. This is what religious people ment by "the veil" but I still can't sleep I'm scared to sleep again.


People used hallucinogens all the time for religious visions back in the day.

Even Alexander the Great took hallucinogens when he took a random detour to the Siwa oasis in the middle of the desert


>Even Alexander the Great took hallucinogens
you're not Alexander the Great and you are not that guy you think you are. you are posting on /dep/ for a reason. Stop promoting drugs.


I don't understand what you're saying. I'm a disabled autist and I've never taken drugs.

I'm just saying religious visions aren't real, they come from using foreign substances that alter your consciousness.

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