/dep/ - Depression★

Does anyone else live like they will have another chance at life despite not being religious? I am so displeased with my starting point in life and how much better others have it without needing to put in any effort that I mentally checked out and have been a low-effort hedonist focusing on being comfortable with the least effort in the moment. Like refusing to play an unbalanced game. But there is no alternative, no one is going to balance life. I'm still in disbelief that this will be the only way I get to experience life. Born in times of great technological progress and opportunity but unable to enjoy it.

I think it's genuinely just plain over if you don't have education, skills or job experience at the age of 25. It feels like I should just play videogames until anhedonia reaches critical condition and then to just off myself. I lost to job market. I lost to capitalism. My ego and my weakness won't allow me to live as burger king worker. Not to mention i'd be a useless worthless asset in any job anyway. Fuck

Its the type of pain most people live with, a background pain. Ambient pain. The idea of dying alone. The idea of being a virgin. having so skills. No purpose. every day is exactly the same, you never leave the house, you cant, you cant drive a car, you are too tired to walk. and its going to be like this for the rest of your life.
You were born to die.
every second hurdling faster and faster towards death.

and no one cares, even if you told someone they would despise you.

you might as well be a corpse already, let the bugs and birds eat you, rot away till you are nothing but bones, let your bones turn to dust, let a gust of wind blow you away.

all that pain, and one day it was like you were never there.

At what age have you last time felt content, happy, hopeful about your situation? At which age it ended, and you changed? For me it's probably 14 years old. I enjoyed the hell out of the internet and videogames. But looking back I think it was always leading to this neet wiz suicide-considering lifestyle.

Not sure if this fits here, but

I often make bets with myself; for example, I have not eaten for 2 weeks, and if I do something good, maybe, and if I fail, something bad will happen again. This maybe is just coping, but I remember failing some of these challenges and something bad happening that still haunts me to this day and makes me feel deeply sad about it.

I am that same Indian guy who made the post about having C-PTSD and living with abusive parents. I have hit a new low, I think I am becoming low T, I check every symptom on the box, having brain fog, constantly fatigue, constantly sleepy, not being able to get it up anymore, no more morning woods, and no erections.

The problem is this, I am still a student and the effects of having low T are affecting my studies greatly, risking me going into a negative feedback loop where I feel like it's gonna take a toll on my studies. And thus reduce my likelihood of getting a job. I have managed to start gym after intense fighting with my parents.

But there is only so much I can push them as someone who is dependent upon them. I am sorry to post this here, after few long years, I just burst our crying today when my parents denied me to visit a urologist, while I have no symptoms (apart from slight shrinkage of my testicles), I probably have Varicocele too.

This is more of an SOS post, please if there is someone here who can take me away from my parents please do. Please give me a home, some love, some help to fix myself. I hate my life, I hate constantly being low T. My parents also hate all sorts of medicines, and they are going to freak out if the doctor recommends a surgery for varicocele. I can't get a job in this tough market either. It's truly hellish being a crab in the third world shithole.

Low T is affecting all areas of my life, and there is no redemption in sight, is my entire life going to be like this from this point on?

Is there anyone else who is trapped in routine and monotony and never notices the days going by, rotting alone in their room? I have lost the motivation to play games, watch anime, or even go on imageboards. I've experienced that since last year, well I don't even know anymore, I lost consciousness on how much time has passed and is passing by. I can't take the lack of genuine feelings anymore. I used to escape monotony with games but they don't bring me pleasure anymore. I used to have one or two online friends but time did it's thing and the interest vanished. My life consists of sleeping during the day, waking up to eat with my family and, at night, if my mind is not flooded by overthinking and negative/nonsensical obsessive thoughts, watching videos or listening to music.

Somehow i went and fell back into the bathtub after i already got out, almost like i slipped on air. Hit myself on the head and spine. I'm 90% sure that I have a hematoma in my brain because my head hasn't stopped hurting after a week and i had some very interesting symptoms. I hope it bursts my brain and kills me. I'm an illness-ridden, debt-broke hardcore benzo addict with no home(live like a rat without my own room for 30 years) that has to eat a pack a day or will have a grand mal seizure anyway, so very soon I would be forced to suicide anyway. I just hope that it won't turn me into a vegetable instead, but i lose every gamble so I can't count on luck. Well, something will do me in eventually, one thing or the other. I can feel death is half a step away. Goodbye brothers.

The process of birth is an humilliation ritual.
The process of growing up is an humilliation ritual.
The process of death is an humilliation ritual.
Through all these process the individual is humilliated, his spirit shattered into pieces. At the end there's nothing but an empty shell. We're born alone and we die alone and the universe is constantly teasing and humilliating us. The human experience is that of pain and suffering. Births are painful, deaths are painful. Demoralized, disenfranchised, humilliated, broken. Our lives are misserable and only the sweet release of the endless void could save our soul from the torment of existence. I loath humanity just as much as I loath myself and my own existence. Afraid to live and afraid to die. Pathetic husk rotten inside.

There are succubi who were born in 2007 who have became pornstars now, succubi born in 2008-2011 have regular sex and you all know how middle school was. I guess what I am trying to say is how do you cope with this?

In my eyes, the act of having sex is the highest expression of love and yet not a lot of us will ever receive that pleasure of finally being accepted, there are people here who can't get laid because of how they were raised, there are people here who can't get laid cause of their looks, and the thing is people do wanna talk about it here. There was also a post by disgusting shitskinned pajeet over how he can't have sex cause his dick is up his ass or something and a post on wiz where a guy was sex obsessed and couldn't stop seeing even his family and relatives through a sexual lens.

Because let's face it, most of us aren't happy with our current predicament. Most people here aren't happy with being wizards, our lives are completely unnatural and incompatible with happiness. Posts here are about how to commit suicides and how miserable the lives of people here are. The fact of the matter is that most of us are miserable.

And there is nothing much we can do to escape our predicament. I want to know genuinely if there are any real wizards who have moved beyond this. How did you really do it? How do you get used to a life so lonely? How did you made peace with that? Do none of you ever had the desire of having a kid who looks up to you. Or a wife who will actually be on your side till your deathbed. Or are we just gonna die in some apartment lonely or homeless on a street only for our corpse to be unattended and no respect paid.

I feel very weird when I come to this website, I feel like people here are like me, virgin, loveless, and lonely. But there is something different, I can't contain my innate desire to be wanted. And it seems like people here pretend that they have contained it but deep down inside they wanna escape this.

I am writing this in the state of real post-nut clarity, I just coomed to a pornstar who was born in 2007 and it made me feel how old I really am getting, and how I haven't achieved any thing and I am a worthless basement dweller. It is truly remarkable how different lives the lives of different humans can be.