/dep/ - Depression

>>309630
I'm lucky enough I work at a Speedway convenience store. When we got the shit to make it & our stuff works, we can make whatever we want and take it home for jack shit. FeelsGoodMan

Had an accident at work, "nobody is at fault", can't quite go into the details but I've had 5 months paid leave. Could take longer but they'd stop paying me after.

I genuinely dont want to go back, in the 5 months I've been off I've spending my time walking, playing videogames, watching films and working on small projects. For the first time since becoming a wizard (level 8) I feel at peace. The money didnt hurt either.

>>309653
Money + freedom is the ultimate goal for a wizard IMO. Neet but without parents. I sometimes wish I had bought into that hustle culture thing when younger and just got a college degree and a high paying job so I could work on that FIRE shit. (Financial independence, retire early). I still want to find a way to do it without a job at all.

My succubi coworkers are so fat that they shake the desks when they walk by. Theres also the faggot guy who smells yet everyone is nice to, even though he talks like that one mad scientist character from courage the cowardly dog. extroverted freaks are the worst. Nobody does jack shit and i get stuck doing all the work.

>>309512
Economics is a fake science, you are retarded.

How far can you push it? What would happen if you just dumped a bucket of soapy water on her? What if you just sprayed her with deodorant? What if you just tell her to STFU when she nags? I've dealt with similar situations and I've essentially buck broken old hags that have been notorious witches in everyone's lives. Of course all legally and morally, don't get yourself in trouble. My grandmother is like yours but I've only ever lived with her for months at a time as a child. She quickly realized I'm not a problem if she's not a problem and we didn't become good friends or anything but we had a cordial arrangement.

>>309436
Modern healthcare seems hellbent on keeping old fucks alive and fucking over the younger ones. It's baffling to see.

>>309458
Sorry to trip post to admins watching me.

A job would be nice too as it's time away from her. I currently like my job largely because my mother wont be there. She seriously stands in the doorway and just looks at me. it's like she's under a spell. She often just comes into my room to sleep on my bed and snore like a fucking ogre

>>309433
There are no savings , the only thing i will get from this after she dies is a room for my self which i wont pay rent , maybe a whole apartment alone if i am a little bit too optimistic , still worth it?

>>309514
Modern healthcare hates people and doesn’t give a fuck about their health but keeping them alive and acting like they want to cure illness and treat pain is its main primary source of income and means of reproduction. They don’t actually want you to heal because at that moment they couldn’t extract money from you. They keep old people alive because they generate more monthly a fit 30 years old. They hate fit people.

Please anon , go to doctor , and more importantly , dont believe anything that A.I says ESPECIALLY Gemini , this failure of an invention is the worst source of false information possibe , and above being a fucking coward , it does mot hesitate to provide stress-inducing info when it comes to unpleasent situations in general , yesterday it supposed my apartment is full of mice only because i told it there is one dead mice in my kitchen that i poisoned but can't find its dead body , then i got pissed off and told it to shut the fuck up
lt keeps trolling and providing stupid false info until you get pissed off , now go to doctor , anon.

we all must die one day

I don't think it's absolutely necessary, it depends if you want them to know about something or not. It can be useful if you want them to do something specific after you die, like cremating your dead body, or not sharing the cause of your death to anyone. It's also a good way to say what you were afraid of telling others when you were alive, maybe telling everything you hate about someone or how your parents failed at raising you, etc.
>>308675
Based.

I always felt like suicide note is illogical. The whole point of choosing the way out is that you don't want to deal with life's bullshit and/or impact it in anyway. Why give orientations to a world that hates you? Just leave and say nothing is the non-soy way.

It depends on whether or not you care about the people you're leaving behind. If I ever were to kill myself I'd leave a note just so that I can give my parents some form of closure.
>Most of my family thinks I am useless or lazy.
>they have no introspection on that they are the ones who raised me.
If you dislike them I think killing yourself without saying anything is far more impactful than leaving some note whining about how awful they were to you. Your actions would speak far louder than anything you could write.

I wrote one when I was looking for a location. It was an apology to whoever found the body, my name for IDing to cut down on wasted man hours, and instructions on who gets which box of crap they could sell on ebay. I had one for a cousin, one to help initial therapy for whoever found me, and one for a childhood friend I had.
Just couldn't think of much to say.

>>308675

At least my mom's always had enough compassion to hate circumcision. She work as an L&D nurse and refused to help circumcisions. She also told my dad she'd divorce him if he had me cut while she was out of it after having me.
So there's always good ones with sane views on mutilating babies, they just have no power in a medical system obsessed with it.

People had 32 years to get to know me so one extra note isn't going to change anything.

>>307804
the blackpill/i-ncel cult is jewish social engineering to force hopelessness in the young male population, which if embraced leads down to two ends:

1. transgenderism (which is ultimately population reduction)
2. suicide (which is ultimately population reduction)

I've noticed this in myself the few times I have interacted with pretty succubi. I feel an instinctive urge to just be nice to them. I imagine everywhere they go they get the same reactions from people and the world they live in must be so wildly different than the one a loner like me inhabits. I'm not that ugly but I'm depressed enough that my grooming is completely shit and I look like shit so I get a taste of the negative side of it from society, and I also get a taste of it going away when I groom and dress well.

It really drives home the point that humans are just shallow monkeys. You can use that knowledge to your advantage to manipulate people like some politician or CEO, but personally I just find it depressing and want nothing to do with it.

>>309010
It's just the halo effect. How many jimiko anime succubi are drawn versus the generic standard where everything is flawless?

>>309010
>I feel an instinctive urge to just be nice to them.

This is weakness that you should not be suffering from. W/omen aren't even human.

>>306675
im not hideous but i stopped caring about my personal appearance. who and what do i have to look good for if i get nothing out of society and have barely any social interactions?

my hair is nearly shoulder length and my neckbeard is coming in nicely. When i go into stores, the cashiers sometimes bristle because they think im homeless, but i just speak softly and gently. they did the same thing when i went for an appointment at the hospital.

At this point id rather be an eyesore for people to have to suffer. fuck society

>>309370
>belittle
I lashed out at them once, they cut all contact with me after that.

Our entire breed is subhumans somehow, so we're comfy right here together!

>>309412
>Our entire breed is subhumans somehow
What do you mean?

>>309431
I think he means that we're very unlucky in all departments, as most people here are ostracised by their peers, family, and friends. Most of us have either dead end jobs or no jobs, a lot of us don't also look good which eventually set us on the path of embracing wizard-hood because we can't have anyone either and trying to get someone will only worsen the pain. Also a lot of people here have been abused as well.

I can be completely wrong though, maybe people here are smart white collar workers and maybe they get well with their families, but I am certainly treated like a subhuman by people around me, of course though no one is subhuman, everyone feels pain one way or other. If anything I believe people on this little image board are profoundly human.

>>309409
I had the same experience with my older cousin. He was an ass to me constantly. Belittled me, called me fat, said I need to wear a bra because I am a fat bitch with tits and other nasty crap. One day he came to my home and wanted to play on my PC. He didn't ask. He just straight up told me 'Get up!'. I got mad like never before for some reason. This asshole came into my house and just barks orders like that. It was infuriating.
I yelled at him and told him everything I thought about him. He was about 17, I was 12. Ever since then we don't talk, even when meeting with my relatives he doesn't speak to me. And I don't mind that, fuck him.

I don't think police hates you, it's more likely that people just vote ignorant and rude individuals in power

yeah people tend to like to make your life worse
I don't see any way out except neeting, drugs or suicide

It's really tough to go through life with no positive reinforcement

>>301325
If you don't need money, then get friends is not a need. I've tried being friendly and nice with people but always think that being a good guy to them is being weak so they surprise when I don't tolerate their injustices over me and automatically they consider me a threat to their environment so unless that I need money or stuff like that, I don't have any interest to know new people. At least until I get a friend that don't want to use my kindness to mock me around or use me.

>>301325
It took me awhile to find friends on discord. If you play video games you gotta find them in the games you like. Popular games are easier to find people but not high quality, high quality meaning good match for you. I found a friend while i was living in a hotel playing dark souls remastered on switch like 5 years ago and still play with him to this day. He found more people and they became my friends too. I also found friends playing pubg. I think for men and especially autistic men which i was very autistic before, it’s better to have a shared goal or objectives and the small talk is just a ctach up or time occupier inbetween gameplay. This could also be applied to a mens shed or something where you go to build objects or whatever else. When you’re socially awkward it’s better to have something to focus on objectively until you gain enough levels to tolerate and then later enjoy small talk. It took me years but now i enjoy myself with random people from good discord groups. I count myself lucky. I could have easily never recovered.

I am alone because having connection to the Inter is not equal finding people like myself.

>>301325
Also, bump.

Yesterday, a simple question of what to eat for the next dinner / breakfast was turned into a heated negotiation with various rhetoric tricks. Old good tactic - put your terms as "suggestion" and proceed to manipulate your opponent of a family member into agreeing with you. If the opponent proposes something else - proceed to ask dumb questions, suggest new ideas, rephrase your opponent's idea in the wrong way and so on. I am stuck with this faux-retarded highly educated person and my only way out is to abandon my decent job. Ugh. And the worst thing is, I actually do care about them so just grabbing my laptop and HDDs, some bags of clothing, and going away from them to a small rented apartment on a taxi is not for me

Regards,
>>309202

>>309203
P.S.

No matter how I tried, instead of finding people like myself, I would be greeted with… well, enough negativity against my "attempts to look bigger than I am", as they used to put it.

I
Have
Given
Up

Just had a realization.
All the times I thought "well someday"…
Someday isn't even today.
That day of action, that one day where dreams come true was 10 years ago.
It just never happened.
It passed by like any other day.
A day of inaction. Then a month and year and a decade.
It should have been. Long ago. I should be reminiscing about those days today. I don't even have the fond memories to look back on.
Failure? Is it a failure if you never tried? I don't know.

Facing mortality like this feels impossible.

>Every time I think of death, the end of my self I can feel my brain fighting it, pretty much actively trying to shut down.

that's the little you who somehow got into the cockpit. there are deeper parts of you, how bout letting them into the cockpit and kick the little you out?

>I screwed myself, my health because
if you don't want to die then how come you aren't healthy. that'd be the number one thing you would make sure to handle because it is the only thing that can give you extra years.

pasta, pizza, soda and candy don't give you extra years, they shorten your life.

>How do you deal with the inevitability of death?
i'm healthy and i try to make the best out of the little time i have left. i'm not that good at using my time and i am way slower then i would like to be because of the constant molestation and hostility around me that i keep having to pick myself up from but what matters is that i am getting better. the reason i don't worry about death or getting old is because i trust in my abilities and in the preparation i am doing, also i was never tricked in this cultural delusion of all the idiots who prioritize in controlling everything and everyone and in the process never even felt the present moment. the worry you experience might be the result of the state of greed that you have accepted as normality. normal people are just fuel for corruption, they aren't alive the way i am or the other people who try to live a life of wisdom. they are just imposters who get so jealous that their circuits jam when they see someone alive. i'm sure you have never found the good stuff in life so you are like all the others who haven't. it's tragic but i don't think you can be helped. until you question the peer pressured life, your life will feel empty, shallow and distant. the real you is sitting passenger while the little you flies the plane. if you were sitting in the cockpit yourself, you could fly to where it is nice but passengers don't get to make decisions, or believe in free will.

just quit being a passenger and fly yourself.

>>305937

>>306014
Halts? 14 years old? Or maybe we're on a computer that a 14 years old got as a 9th grade gift.


>>305937
>>306172

Count me in!
I still have some issues with the "worth living" part despite having it objectively easy these days.

And the death is a "taboo" for me too, not the EL QUERO VIVRE burning desire to live, but rather… rather…

>>306169
Peter griffin manga edition ? pic

>>306722
regression for someday- by what is there

>>309176 that’s crazy 33 is nutz i’m 19.

I ate shit in the school parking lot and a group of succubi laughed at me, i still haven't recovered

>>309177
Pack it up unc, shouldn't you be at work

>>309178 i envy you

>>309178
Shit's fetish fuel for some.
Maybe you are the reason one of them weren't dating chads because your stunt has provided her enough fetish fuel to stick to finding a c&a fella to feed stinky fish at evening dinners

Sorry if that sounds un-wize. I just think it can be healing to think personal actions may turn a succubi into a … neutral "self-sufficient" witch-like entity