/dep/ - Depression

How do you deal with thought based OCD?

I have a fucked up one, its damn scary.. it forces me to think on things I dont want. Whenever I calm one subject my mind decides to obsess about (and it always has to be something that will cause me all kinds of bad feelings).. It will insist jumping to another fucked up subject. It will even come up in my dreams.
It especially loves to bring up episodes from my awful past, my mistakes, guilt, fears, imagined stuff, even schizo stuff and even "what ifs" if my luck would be even worse than it already was.

Pic related: depiction of how it physically feels like (more or less)

Sometimes, I'll hear a normie use the following argument:

>X had to endure all these terrible things for decades. You can definitely survive what you're going through!

Or a slightly flipped-on-its-head version:

>Anon, you've gone through X, and Y; surely you can take on Z.

Isn't the logic completely flipped here? When I hear these stories, I'm not inspired at all. I end up thinking, "Why the fuck did X carry on at all?! You're proving my point!" All these 'inspirational' stories are just proof that giving up is often the best course of action.

My mom is constantly complaining under her breath about the mess of the house, yet most of it is made either by dogs she unilaterally decided to bring here, or her live-in boyfriend who she unilaterally decided to move in. Sometimes it comes to the point of shouting and it is very difficult to empathize as I know I would not have made these choices, and if I regretted their outcomes so much, would have gone back on them.

Half of her rage is justified as this guy is a slob, and he constantly blames me and my brother for things he actually does, like make a mess of the kitchen and leaving toilets full of shit. To avoid her meltdowns I sometimes flush a toilet he leaves behind or wipe up a mess he left.

It angers me greatly that he then goes and blames me for behavior I never do, for his own behaviors that I cover for. If not for having to actually use the toilet/kitchen occasionally I would more often leave his mess for her to find, which I have been trying to make an effort to do.

At the same time, she is quick to yell about noise, which gets yelling in return, and this is upsetting for me so I generally try to find a way to leave the room, preferably the house by taking the dogs out back.

I get angry at her for doing this, not because of getting angry (because it is understandable) but because she refuses to harness her anger to actually make a choice to solve the problem: ending the abusive relationship. She won't get counseling, won't find a support group, and inevitably will lash out at anyone who even agrees with her momentary criticisms of him, accusing them (including myself, her mother, her siblings) of not wanting her to be happy, being a racist, etc.

I'm increasingly becoming resolved to simply give up on this family, more and more it is just economic feasability which keeps me here as I've never had a high-enough paying job to rent a bachelor apartment in the area. Even renting a room (non-private bathroom) or taking a room-mate would be very expensive, and those introduce unknowns I would need to navigate which are frightening.

I feel trapped so I continue to bear this abuse. But it makes it hard to sleep, hard to read, I'm afraid to begin my schooling because I know how hard it makes to study. But unless I can get a psych to acknowledge my anxiety and depression for big bux it doesn't seem likely I'll find a path out of this without getting a high enough education to start at a high-wage jobPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Do you feel like you simply are not meant to be here on Earth?

Do you feel apathy towards the traditional metric of human growth and success (allegiance, military service, philanthropy, job, family, children, property, wife, friends)?

Do you frequently question you being here on this planet as a member of this species?

A lot of troubles in my life can be summed up to being incompatible with people. I simply don't "get" things that appear to be intuitive/common knowledge to other people. I don't care about most of things people care about. I don't display the "appropriate" emotions at the "appropriate" opportunities.

Every groid stereotype you can think up, I likely don't fit the mold. It's as if a divine power stuck the spirit of an alien or animal into this fleshy body to observe how'd it turn out to have opposing elements exist together, because they were bored.

Now, let's return to the original question: do you feel like an alien stranded on Earth? Please elaborate.

https://articles.mercola.com/depression/duration.aspx
>On average, clinically depressed individuals can suffer from the symptoms anywhere between six and eight months.
This article reads like a fucking joke. It's been going on for at least seven years now. For those who haven't had it their whole life, how long have you had it?

All I head is that the family will be devastated yada yada, but really? Yes, It will be hard for them for a few years, but you will eventually be forgotten. What is your opinion on the family impact wizs?

I remember years ago, when I was 16 years old. I had hard time in school. I felt bad, generally.
But then I found on youtube movie called the secret. There were normies saying lots of possitive things - that you can basically achieve anything if you would think possitively and if you would visualize in mind what you want to achieve.

That movie can be brainwashing for kids.

I thought that I could try this, perhaps my life would be better.

But it wouldnt change anything at all. It changed only that I forced possitive thinking in my life instead of being realistic.

I was young and stupid.

anybody else fail to see the point in posting anything anymore?
i used to write 100 posts a day sometimes on various chans. as time went on, i got more and more cynical and hated people so much i wanted to lessen my interaction with them. the first signs of this were when I'd subconsciously stop writing helpful, kind posts with good grammar, and began writing half-assed shitposts instead. now people accuse me of being a phoneposter but i don't even own a phone, i actually just don't give a fuck.
the few posts i do write now (about a dozen a week) get very few/no replies, even the ones i work relatively hard on or think are funny or want people's opinions on. this is like confirmation to me i shouldn't bother.
i had more to say but i lost motivation around half way through writing this. im just gonna post what i have even though it's unfinished.

Anyone here legit have brain damage?

I've never got a brain scan to confirm it, but I'm 99 percent sure I do. 10 years ago when I was 16 I was beaten really badly by a white knight. He hit me with a punch off guard and stomped on my head repeatedly. I was able to get up and go home and never saw a doctor, but I was never the same since that day.

I began stuttering even though I never did before that day, my grades tanked, my thinking became scattered, I became less coordinated, I forget words, even common words, very easily, and my typing speed tanked. I remember my goal used to be to be able to consistently type at 100 wpm and I did those online things to test it and I went from consistently being in the 80-90 wpm range all the way down to 35-40. I also remember literally nothing that happened before middle school, but who knows if that's related.

I think about getting a brain scan to confirm my suspicions but I know nothing can be done about it if that's the case, so why bother. Part of my likes to cling to hope that I just have some sort of mental block that I'll magically snap out of.

Hello Wizards,

I'm severely obese (1,75m, 184 kg). I've been always kinda chubby as a kid, but things started really escalating around 17.
I'm now 32 years old and already diabetic. Since I'm too pussy to suicide I was wondering if just continuing my current lifestyle was a sufficient way to end my suffering by the age of 45 to 50. It's very important that I die at 50 or earlier as my parents will be gone by that time and I'm incapable of sustaining myself (even though I receive disability benefits, I have not been outside for a decade and the thought alone of going outside to be judged again gives me panic attacks).
Please let me know what you think. Also will my death be rather painless? I'm okay with the pain my current lifestyle puts me in, but scared for it to become worse. Thank you.