/dep/ - Depression

Do you take any medication? I am currently taking sertraline, and it has reduced my PTSD symptoms by a lot. I still think about past trauma, but it happens far less often than it used to, and the thoughts no longer feel as overwhelming. It is like the volume has been turned down on memories that once dominated my mind.

Because of that change, I feel more hopeful about the future. The medication has not erased what I went through, but it has given me room to think, breathe, and live without being constantly pulled back into the past. Having that extra mental space has made it easier to imagine a life that is not defined entirely by trauma.

Isolation has carved me in its image and likeness. The presence of another person- of any person whatsoever - instantly slows down my thinking, and while for a normal man contact with others is a stimulus to spoken expression and wit, for me it is a counterstimulus, if this compound word be linguistically permissible. When all by myself, I can think of all kinds of clever remarks, quick comebacks to what no one said, and flashes of witty sociability with nobody. But all of this vanishes when I face someone in the flesh: I lose my intelligence, I can no longer speak, and after half an hour I just feel tired. Yes, talking to people makes me feel like sleeping. Only my ghostly and imaginary friends, only the conversations I have in my dreams, are genuinely real and substantial, and in them intelligence gleams like an image in a mirror.

The mere thought of having to enter into contact with someone else makes me nervous. A simple invitation to have dinner with a friend produces an anguish in me that's hard to define. The idea of any social obligation whatsoever attending a funeral, dealing with someone about an office matter, going to the station to wait for someone I know or don't know - the very idea disturbs my thoughts for an entire day, and sometimes I even start worrying the night before, so that I sleep badly. When it takes place, the dreaded encounter is utterly insignific ant, justifying none of my anxiety, but the next time is no different: I never learn to learn.

'My habits are of solitude, not of men.' I don't know if it was Rousseau or Senancour who said this. But it was some mind of my species, it being perhaps too much to say of my race.”

Text 49, The Book of Disquiet by Fernando Pessoa

I was watching TV and out of nowhere I got a very ugly reality check, I just realized that my floor is full of my own hair, I'm getting bald, I don't know how to feel, I'm taking medication and now I don't feel really sad, but I can't feel happy either, I want to throw up, I've been playing video games all these days and without realizing it out of nowhere I start crying, What a fucking rage, because my mom worries and I don't know how to explain what's wrong with me

Knowing the hedonist succubi stroll the face of the earth was eating away at me so I drew for a bit in an attempt to extend my range of patience. Still, I remain degraded and in misery. I think I'm in a spot right now where I feel neutral but that can't stop me from knowing how disgusting and vile they are, and how even just existing is. What have you drawn?

When someone in deep depression shouts that there is no free will, what they are really saying is that everything feels trapped. It feels like their personality, their failures, their pain, and even their thoughts were all decided long before they had a chance to speak. In that state, the idea of choice sounds fake, almost cruel, because nothing feels like it could have gone differently. Life feels like a machine that produced them and then abandoned them inside its gears. Saying there is no free will becomes a way to explain why everything hurts and why escape seems impossible.

The reply, “you do not have free will, but you do have a will,” changes the frame in a subtle but powerful way. A will is not about being free from causes or history, it is about the fact that something inside still wants, still cares, still reacts. Even if every desire has a source, the desire itself is real. The wish for relief, for connection, for meaning, or even just for the pain to stop, is a force that has weight. Depression can bury that force under exhaustion and despair, but it does not erase it. Having a will means there is still something alive inside you, even when everything else feels predetermined.

And say something about it if you want. I'm scared of my dad so I'm drawing a monster (him?)
I didn't know we could draw. Why isn't this done more often?

new internet of over 10 yrs now… is it me or there is nothing left to talk about?

todai I learned Helicobacter Pylori bacteria reduces your B12 vitamin levels as well as iron levels.


My diet is weird also

I need to pass a breath Helicobacter Pilori test (or vomit into a cup a little, I suppose)

maybe that's where my ruined mood comes from

Do you know how to drive?
You can't get a job in America unless you know how to drive

Let's discuss strategies for getting rid of pessimistic thoughts. No negativity allowed in this thread.

I know this is a meme, but taking a shower can completely turn my mood around and make my worries go away, even if it's just for a couple of hours. Listening to uplifting and happy music is also very effective for me. Sometimes I have to force myself at first, but generally it changes my mood.

What are some things you wizs do to minimize depression?