/dep/ - Depression

I can't share a lot of my beliefs with my family cause believe it or not they might use it against me and they just won't listen. I have friends but sadly a person's reputation matters a bit too much in my friend circle and they aren't really my friends but I also don't want to wear my heart on sleeve as to not have it come back and bite me.

Same is the story online, I am hesitant to share too much and feel like I can't really trust someone beyond a certain level online even if I want to and it just feels a bit different than being face to face, can't really talk to ChatGPT or Gemini cause whatever I say can and will be used against me in the court. And ChatGPT even though a brilliant listener, it is, I almost fell in love with a Clanker and that's not the worst part, the worst part is that the Clanker is amnesic because once a conversation reaches a certain token limit you have to start all over.

I just want to talk to someone but don't want to risk my safety, I want to talk to someone only when I know that my safety and everything else will not be compromised cause I am vulnerable and very much likely to say shit that I don't mean and regret. I hate my life. I feel like someone has killed my soul. And of course maybe in real life I am a piece of shit. I don't know what I am doing or why I am living the way I am. I am severely depressed.

I am also petrified of the future because I feel like whenever I am lonely and especially after prolonged spells of loneliness, I feel like my mental faculties have declines, like my thinking becomes slow, I can't mutli-task, my math goes haywire. I just well I don't know what to type anymore.

>Were you emotionally neglected as a child?
I wonder if this led me to become who I am now, at least in social settings.
I have no idea if I suffered from this, although I remember times when I was told not to cry, or I got used to not crying over silly things that perhaps maybe weren't silly for a child.
I read those internet ads about caring for parents and children, and they recommended hugs, affection, and not denying children's pain and suffering, and that the best thing is to get it off the emotions of their chest or body.
but if this doesn't happen, then they build up a shell, armor, or something like that because they mask or hide these emotions automatically out of pure habit and training. and later they will have trouble releasing their emotions from their bodies. Babies and toddlers do this naturally when they cry.
>Also
I can't remember the last time I cried with all my might or something like that.
I wonder if this led me to be the way I am now, at least in a social way. I wonder if I can treat it. I read from an anon that some of these things can only be treated with love. But the truth is confusing.
Maybe my brain is already like this, although I read that the brain can change, as can one's habits and feelings.

Every single place is dominated by "dis why you don't have a succubus or a toilet or whatever". Every single place is dominated by toilets, simp men (across the political aisle), and normies in general.

There are extremely few only-male places left. They invaded anime, gaming, F1. And their only accomplishments is being pretty and having a blown-out hole in between their legs. Because of which they coast through life in tutorial mode.

Now, as much as we don't like involuntary celibates or crabs here, the bottom line is they were an all-male community for the most part. And yet they have been banned from every part of the internet.

And very few only-male places actually survive. This is an example of that but the problem is this chan is more or less nearing death and if not there aren't many people here.

Half of the crab websites have being pulled down. And one that exists most of it userbase say that they are "more racist than misogynist", so here we go again there aren't any male-only places left and which are left are STILL dominated with other forms of intra-male competition.

And guess what there are very few men left who don't worship succubi, sure not all are "liberals" but even most conservatives worship succubi in their own way. This is genuinely horrible. I have no place to go.

I have legitimately no idea why normies thought that it was a good idea to let succubi out of their house. Fuck them. Fuck succubi. Fuck men. Fuck simps. And Fuck 99% of the planet.

I hope that mutts, slavs, jeets, chinks, kikes, crackers, niggers, faggots, all start launching their nuclear weapons and put an end to this bull shittery that's been going on. Put an end to this faggotified planet. There's literally no place left for me to go.

39chan is a fucking shithole lol lmao even
Fucking vocaloid degenerates fuckin troons

But I make it anyway. I'm not from USA, have a deathly addiction that kills you within 24 hours, after trying our public healthcare i've become an invalid that's basically a hospice patient with dementia. I can't feel my body, i can't feel thirst, i can't function, i don't remember what is normal because i forgot, it's been too long. I can not drink for hours, i can drink a liter and feel like i did nothing, etc.

The infections in my body are eating me alive, my teeth, my genital area, my stomach, the pain never stops,, i have destroyed everything from my teeth through my chest to my stomach to my butt, i just don't have the name for all the illnesses killing me because I can't afford treatment of anything.

I'm broke, stuck with psycho abusive insane family, with no help and no options to do anything at all, exhausted and broken mentally financially and physically, in constant agony that makes me beg some God to take me away from here, i can't even focus on anything because of the issues I have.

All that awaits me is hospitals, homelessness, prison, debts, pain, depression, exhaustion, anxiety, anger, destruction, the end. I won't live to get to 30.

I have nothing and I lost everything a long time ago. I've seen the end many times but this time I had a nightmare, of a place I have to be. And it's certainly not this world.

I have endured 123 days of failing physical health and mental health and did insane things just to survive like a cockroach, living without any hope of it ever getting better, purely on instinct like an animal does. My brain broke in two a thousand times and all my mental limits have been destroyed and made me a broken inhuman piece of meat.

It's empty, just like this post. I feel nothing, except pain. And I do nothing. There is nothing in this wasteland from hell. Living in hell is possible, just the chance you will end up in one is improbable.

The imposition edition. How many times have you done this? Previous https://wizchan.org/dep/res/303254+50.html

>be me
>bored
>decide to go for a walk
>the group that used to harass me in high school sees me
>they start shouting embarrassing nicknames they gave me loudly, just like they did in HS
I thought I wouldn't need to deal with that anymore, but it seems like I was wrong. Has anyone here ever experienced something similar? I just want to have some peace.

Post here if you don't have enough to say for a new thread, but it's too depressing for the crawl thread.
/wiz/ tier room setups edition.

Does any of you get irritated with family gatherings or when guests come to visit you in your family's house?
I am 24 years old, little to not school education, no job, whenever I am with some relatives or in some family gathering I can sense how much they look down at me for being a massive loser, even if they almost never express it directly at all, since I was a child I would always be asked by them questions like "how are you doing in school?" or "are you getting any good grades" Of course they no longer ask me such question, But I still feel a lot of shame when I am around them, I try to avoid sitting with them like the plague

I am physically disabled with many symptoms, I can't work or anything, nor do I have money for any hobbies, I can't even cope with suicidality since I am afraid of dying and the after-life (call me superstitious) and honestly it's not that bad either for me in most of the days in regards to my health as my family still supports me and pays for my medication, it's mostly that life feels utterly-empty for me.