/dep/ - Depression

>>299586
Don't know if you're still there wiz but I want you to know I saw your post when you replied and I thought about it for a while and didn't know how to say anything since I'm a retard. I hope you're doing alright.

>>299580
except, back in the day, super-depressed ppl like /wizards were rare enough, alright?

Graduated high school in 2012.
Every now and then I wonder about the school's population. I remember in 2013, I'd think, "I wonder who took my spot in the school band? Probably one of the other french horn players that I interacted with every single morning for rehearsal." After a few more years, I realized something:
Even students who were 9th graders during my senior year have now graduated high school, themselves. I realized that not a single band member will even know that I existed.

Well, that might not be the case. It's possible that, during my senior year, I may have briefly interacted with 8th graders who were planning to join the band. These "band aids" would volunteer to help out with the high school band. It is perfectly possible that some 8th grade band geek gave me a soda while in the pep stands at football games. I guess it's possible one of these middle school kids remembered me, but I doubt it.

This feeling is not exclusive to the school band, though. After a certain point, there are no more student who were in the 9th grade during my senior year. While I MIGHT have interacted with some 8th grade band members, there is 0% chance that any of the 8th graders who became freshmen AFTER my graduation had ever even knew I existed.

Now, in 2025, I have randomly realized that there is not a single student who could possibly know about me. Even kids who were 1st graders during my senior year have graduated from high school themselves. Such 1st graders wouldn't have known me, anyway, but there WAS a chance, however small it might be, that somebody had at least had a passing glance and briefly saw me at some point during school.

This shouldn't feel so… strange. It's an obvious realization that shouldn't affect anything about my life at all. But it feels so daunting. After I graduated I basically just became a hermit in my room. High school 13 years ago was the last time I really interacted with humans beyond my mom and grocery store cashiers. It feels like I don't really exist.

I guess I can easily "return to the past", I mean, my old high school is just a few miles away from me. But there really, truly is nobody there, anymore.
(I hope this post is coherent, I'm currently on around 500mg of DPH and I can't concentrate or even really see the text that I'm typing.)

>>301997

repeat after me:

Let It go.

If you tell ppl you are obsessing on what your are obsessing on, you ll be tossed in a psyc ward, At Best.

Forget about past, no you cant go back there, and if you want to think about a school college is what you re lookin for.

some people will say hermit s need to be coddled. my hermit dad taught me otherwise.

you have two actual roads in front of you.

1. you accept you went down a dark path, seek treatment, and make an effort to pull out of it.

2. you wake up one day. age 50. and you are sayin same stuff as now. and its all bleak

>>301997
I know the feeling, I don't talk to anyone besides discord/image boards. It's surreal knowing I'm a ghost that will be forgotten within months of my death; I suppose it's freeing but I'm too numb either way to give a shit.

>>300995
I do sympathize regardless, they truly failed as family. They sound like horrible people.

>>300995
I'm in the same boat, I've always been a detriment so roping would benefit family in the long run once they get over it. I saved the image you posted OP it's beautiful.

my mom finally stopped gaslighting me that im handsome/good looking
on one hand i am glad i don't have to listen to the lies anymore
on the other i know it's truly over at this point
i think at this point my only option is to grow a beard and have a shag/bangs to look like an inbred southerner

I don’t think she died in the end, it was heavily hinted at tho, the truth is always depressing

>>301980
I'd rather get bullied than lied to by my own mother, I'm happy she called me fat and ugly as a child so I coped with reality pretty quickly. But now I'm skinny as shit.

>>301987
life is depressing I've had to rewire my brain it took years to escape reality like I do. I've seen people drop over dead in the physical world. Sadly death in "fantasy" hits just as hard to me as in the physical human world. Everything just hurts so much…my god why

Lol i grinded like 6 hours a day after work for a perfect setup to complete a perfect stat set. It's funny It just needs to roll 0~10 3 times, I just need 3 10's and of course it needs to be split into the right stats, there was only STR END DEX INT SPR, why on earth could I not get the perfect set? Stat corruption? I probably farmed well over 10k items none were perfect

>>301941
{0;1;2;3;4;5;6;7;8;9;10} is an 11-element array

The probability of rolling 10 out of 10 is 1/11


The probability of rolling 10 out of 10 ==3 times in a row== is 1/11*11*11 which equals 1/1331

>>301941
Aside from the 1/1331 chance, you have an array of 5 stats

3/5 chance to hit the right stat on the first roll
2/4 chance to hit the right stat for the second roll
1/3 chance to hit the right stat for the third, final roll

boom

(3*2*1)/(5*4*3) chance of getting an item with the right stats

>>301964
>>301965
6/60*1331 chance, basically. out of 13310 tries. IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAND.flv

>>300101
Try Factorio's main campaign, see if the pleasant steady progress of putting something together towards a "tangible" goal in that context has the same effect on you.

if it does, then you're a dopamine microdose addict - if it doesn't, then you're vulnerable to the specific art/music/etc exposure and should arrange your life accordingly.

>>301504
the 5-htp part sounds interesting, as a box of 5-htp pills cosos under 10$


in fact, L-carnitine was used as a depression treatment… that is, until someone botched a bunch of those and in mere 4 days, released Prozac, SSRI class drug.

>>301184
>Meth doesn't hit all ADHD havers the same.. just like caffeine puts some to sleep


AFAIK, additional caffeine dilates one's blood vessels, hence causing the feel of sleepyness.

ive been taking wellbutrin too for about 3 weeks, it hasnt done shit…

>>301173
>Does anyone else here have experience with it?
NO
in my area, going to a psychiatrist is a massive risk as in "YOU'RE A SCHIZO DUNNO WHICH TYPE BUT YOU'RE A SCHIZO SIMPLE AS"

>>301175
lol you talk as if SSRIs actually work and are not placebo, lmao.
Otherwise you would stand absolutely correct. But that's not reality. Even in the rare cases when they give you some benefits, these regress after a year or so because of tolerance.

d e p e n d s



well, you pretty much should make your "will", also, fill up an "urgent medical information" card (blood type, known allergies, this or that)

The reason you're depressed isn't just because you're ugly, mentally ill, or burdened with personal issues, it's also because you're oversocialized, just like Ted Kaczynski described. You've been conditioned to internalize every expectation, every rule, every judgment from society. You're constantly plugged into what others think, say, and demand of you — and it's suffocating. It chips away at any sense of self that isn’t shaped by external approval. That kind of overstimulation doesn’t just wear you down it hollows you out.

We know.

>>301908
You type very low-IQ for someone who claims to have high IQ

>>298285
>Having a high IQ without being nurtured properly as a child can cause you to miss out
<Yeah it's your parents' fault that you're not the genius you were destined to be


WRONG.

OPs talking about struggling with tasks that require EI, "emotional intelligence". Being a genius doouche since childhood means not meeting development-oriented hurdles.


You know, not having the ability to suggest things, to express own hunches, to display volition or demand to respect da authority

>>298255
I was smart at math and very creative with various computer software. Learned everything myself from scratch. But I'm a social retard so it's pretty simple

>>301924
My biggest problem was that I thought I always acted like a normal person. In reality I have AuDHD and later I got schizophrenia

>>301912
>>301912
also


whh bother

>>300989
the guy in your picture has such powerful, menacing vibes
I'd freeze on the spot if I saw him I.R.L
there would be nothing I could do, he can predict all of my moves

anyway, that poster is just one very vocal guy with messiah syndrome
he thinks silencing the ego is the solution to everything, but ironically he won't shut up and even has a distinct, almost signature writing style

please don't stop coming to this wonderful establishment

>>300989
can you stay and teach us how to be super strong and brave

>>300530
You need to be snarky/quirky

and use the wonders of AI to strike back.

(inb4 you'll accidentally turn ChatGPT/DeepSeek/other LLM into GLaDOS)

>>300991
>anyway, that poster is just one very vocal guy with messiah syndrome
he thinks silencing the ego is the solution to everything, but ironically he won't shut up and even has a distinct, almost signature writing style


he may or may not have a funny LLM AI posting for him

all while he's personally "silent like lasagna" like a real G

>>300991
>anyway, that poster is just one very vocal guy with messiah syndrome
>he thinks silencing the ego is the solution to everything, but ironically he won't shut up and even has a distinct, almost signature writing style


he may or may not have a funny LLM AI posting for him

all while he's personally "silent like lasagna" like a real G


(edit: fixed quoting)

>>301220
Yeah tell that to a veteran

>>301221
I would, because it stands. Even effeminate boys get drafted in to wars. Those who can't endure the natural, bloody human experience are not fit for survival. You can feel bad that these soft guys were thrown in to a situation that could break them permanently, but nobody should have to tolerate those who allow their fears for something no longer happening control them.

War scared you? Sorry to hear. You're going to keep making it everyone else's problem even though the war is over? Eat dirt. If they didn't get the veteran status from being in a war, they'd be just another panicky oddball hyperventilating after being pulled over for speeding. And then we get to here, where guys who DIDN'T experience any of life's less fashionable aspects are having "panic attacks" over nothing, because they were never taught that it's not OK to let your irrational fears weigh down on you and others. Perma waah-waaah tantrum babies. I kick them.

>>301223
I appreciate your effort to make wizzies ‘man up’ and all but the reality of things is the horror created by our own mind, not by external observations. In other words there needs to be no war to experience ptsd symptoms. I agree that these words are used inflationary still the case stands that the symptoms subjectively are very real.

>>301223
>>301226
The thing about PTSD is that it is a stress disorder, which was induced by trauma, not a consistent trauma effect. The trauma is important in that there are associations related to the trauma that can inspire the stress response. Anxiety disorders and other stress disorders can also have traumatic connections but the origin does matter. But stress happens at a very measurable biochemical level with very reproducible effects and it's a little unusual to expect a large oversized chemical process to have only safe and socially tolerable results. Overresponsive stress systems are more like realizing that a particular person loses their coordination and response time at a much lower BAC and should not be permitted even one beer before a drive.

It is true that the standard hormonal stress response is in real life very much sex dependent, for neurotypicals. This is because it is related to the production of cortisol and to androgens. The female body is much more prone to conditioning towards PTSD for ultimately glanular reasons. There are neurotypes that do not have a conditionable stress response at all, partiuclarly psychopaths. Psychopaths tend to drown out any limited stress cortisol with various androgen hormones and this is the primary reason their disinhibition makes them so impulsive and so different from the other empathy-deficit disorders. This is one of the explanations for how a stress disorder can also imitate psychopathy by essentially shorting out the stress response cycle, making it fire everything at once and having a stress-depleted response afterwards. Because this creates a different pattern of criminal behavior this has a special designation in forensic psychology, "secondary psychopathy." More popularly referred to as sociopathy by virtue of appearing to be socially conditioned rather than innate. Sociopaths are far more violent than innate psychopaths and it might be because of this push and pull between the cortisonal and androgenic response systems. Then again it might just be because where psychopaths lack a conscience, sociopaths have a conscience and it is that conscience that is telling them that they are required to do harm to others. Like that old saying about false righteousness being worse than unrighteoPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>301223
not quite


PTSD has that "couldnt do shit about it" part. A truck driver may get PTSD over mines risk

I believe that if your solution to The Life Question is to:
- Wait 2+ years
- Travel to a foreign land
- Succeed the bureaucracy of becoming a resident
- Coordinate with doctors and psychiatrists
- Wait however many years for an appointment to sit in a hospital and get poked with a death needle
Then maybe you don't really want to die. You could not have chosen a more drawn-out and tiresome means to an end. Plus it's not something you're allowed tom do on your own. Any Canadian self-murder services predating MAIDs required co-signers - someone who agrees to be responsible for responsibly disposing of your carcass. As a permanent resident you won't qualify for the kind of life insurances that will cover such an expense.

Involuntary "natural" death sounds hellish, I don't get why normies don't make euthanasia as a priority, everyone will die

>>301858
You see, not everyone was done thinking all by themselves, whether one's consciousness just halts at the very moment of dying… FOREVER.