/dep/ - Depression

>>302846
>>303759
Now, whom should I listen to?

I used Discord for six consecutive years, and this experience helped me make the only friend I’ve had in my whole life. We will complete six years of friendship in September this year. (Like many boys at a young age, I was bullied, and that messed up my social interactions.)

Maybe you don’t need to join a Discord server to make friends, but you can look for online games that make you interact with people and invite someone to a voice call. If this person is very communicative, he will introduce you to his friends, and “friendship” will become something you build every day. Obviously, everyone has their own limit when it comes to talking to a new person, so it’s natural to have moments of silence.

Friendship is something you need in life. Just one is enough, but it has to be solid.

I have this problem, but I like to think my problem more than being "nervous to talk to anyone and make friends" is that im too adhd, or plainly lazy and dumb, to develop the routine needed to make friends. Thats how it works, no? At least when youre old, and thats the thing, once youre old youre set in your ways, if your ways were those of solitude *and* complacence in solitude, then well, youre kinda truly permafucked in that department. Your brain cannot register new people in your life thus no friends.

And yet it hurts, it hurts so much watching others make connections and friends. But perhaps it is not exactly that what hurts me, but rather the passage of time (completely in vain in my specific case), approaching death with absolutely nothing and no one to show for it.

Oddly I think I make good first impressions, but never goes beyond that because cannot be fucked to care about myself let alone others.

>>301328
Also this

>>301482
>usually about exchanging attention, validation and things like that but if you lack that drive then you won't see the point in it either.
In other words they become energized from socializing while you and I become drained. Its a losing battle.

>The key might be to just find drive in solitude without becoming a rabid consumer or mentally crippled loner, find whatever you're craving in yourself and not other people. 99% of social stuff is just vapor and noise anyway.
Kinda true but again, like it or not socializing expands a groups borders. So your hobby or whatever, will eventually become engulfed by this social monster.

>>302451
>4chong
>succesful
Excuse me what? Do you really believe this? 4chan at this point is a bunch of schizophrenic cliqueish terminally online faggots spamming the same threads 24/7. Literally. Im not being hyperbolic here, its literally the same fucking 100~ people talking to themselves, with 10 of them making 90% of the posts. Why do you think they removed the IP counter?
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>301659
IRL people are too judgemental. The consequences for acting like a sperg or violating social norms IRL are too high. I prefer the internet where the consequences for fucking up social interactions are minimal.

>>305336
Hey, anon.

I don’t see a problem with sharing my experience with my only friend and how I see this world.

My friendship with him started in September 2020. I was 17, and he was 19.

I met him on a Discord server after he sent a message saying, “Today feels like a day I could put a knife to my neck,” right in the middle of a chat full of dumb jokes about school and love. When I read that, I just replied:
“Hey man, if you want to talk, send me a message. Some feelings hit harder because everything is still too recent, and it’s hard to see things clearly when you’re desperate.”

After that, we started talking about the usual stuff — anime, games, music, and things like that.

Over the years, our contact slowly faded. In a month, we exchange maybe five to twenty messages. Just enough to know if the other one is still alive or doing okay. For most people, this would mean “the friendship is over,” because there’s no real conversation anymore. But I don’t believe that. Friendships don’t die just because they change. They die when both people stop caring that the other exists.

Right now, we talk maybe once every three months. We send long messages about how life’s been going. It’s our way of giving each other a bit of hope in this sad world. I actually like it. We grew up, and the friendship grew up too.

As for my relationship with people in general: when I was a kid, I avoided human contact — not because I was scared or something, but because I just wasn’t interested. Drawing, math, and books felt way more interesting. I was distant from my family back then, and I still am. Maybe bullying affected me more than I noticed at the time.
My psychiatrist told me I have schizotypal personality disorder, which makes my depression worse. It sounds kind of ironic, since I work with culture and events and I’m always busy — sleeping three or four hours a night and working until late.

Going back to being distant from my family: at some point, I started to see human connections in terms of what they’re for. Some people are just there to say “hi,” “good afternoon,” or “good night.” Others notice you, point things out about you, and make you think later. And a lot of people only show up to say weird things that make you uncomfortable. You can’t really avoid any of this — it’s all part of being human.Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>305241
Very well said. You need to have 0.01% tier luck to actually have a life worth living.

I've never actually had any type of dreams. I'm probably an NPC or whatever kids these days call it. There was a point in time where I wanted to have a lot of money but I've never actually seriously had my sights on any type of specific work or education.

Honestly, my life is full of the moments where I asked for this, and now I have to live with it. Feels lainpilled…



…guess I need to friendmaxx.

I wonder what are those normal things in life OP mentions. Because things like owning a home and the such are becoming more and more scarcer.

Three days ago was my birthday. I realized it when my mom hugged me and said, “HB, honey!” After that, I started thinking more — and I ended up cursing my own existence.

It feels impossible for me to live the life I wanted. I can’t isolate myself to read books or study music, math, and philosophy. I don’t even know if I would call that life a dream — maybe it is one. It feels so fucking annoying and utopian when I stop everything to think about it.

I think I’ll die in some stupid loneliness I once believed in. I stopped cutting myself, but I no longer take my meds for depression, schizoid personality disorder, and misanthropy.

Like another anon said, “We’re not born to be happy.” If that’s true, maybe all I can do is sit down and watch my whole life turn to dust in the wind.

Fuck.

You have a pretty well elaborated written discourse, so your smartness is ok.

Maybe you should listen your body and stop letting others decide where you must go and when.

>>303068
Oh no no, we won't until you do something utlitarian yourself. For instance, 0.1% concentration CO2 in your room is enough to give some a headache (the natural concentration is 0.04%).

>>302257
bump because some of this stuff in OPpost feels relatable in a sense

>>305113
penguin classic for a reason. for anyone who hasnt read it, it is definitely worth looking at

>dehumanization due to lack of truly human connection

I dunno, for me, "real human connection" was the very *not nice* thing that scarred me

>Your username as the thread name
What did you wish to achieve with this?
>TV watcher
TV is 40% awful commercials designed to piss you off, and 60% awful programs conceived to make you gay and stupid
>obese fingers
Hair is retained in the kitchen. You'd have more hair on your head if it didn't need to breakthrough a quarter inch of fat.
>Windows 11 netbook
Why?
>WhatsApp image
Even worse than a Discord filename
>Mexican Twitter
There are imageboards better suited for your demographic.
>"privacy browser"
You are incredibly propagandized. Normal for a TV watcher!
>"My poor mommy worries about me having sad feefees :("
Do her a favor and improve yourself or at least try to give the impression that you're not someone who she needs to worry about
>Gay faggot boykisser erotica of bad anime
No I'm happy that you're sad.

>without realizing it out of nowhere I start crying
Are you not a grown man? Why the fuck were you crying?

ITT Indian lashes out at a Mexican. Peak thread please continue.

you should look up guro if you want to satisfy this desire even more

It's a fun way to vent. I made a comic series albeit quite bad about an outcast wagie. Not entirely original but I get to plagiarize my real life experiences

>>304421
>Hatred through art
>Knowing the hedonist succubi stroll
>was eating away at me so I drew for a bit in an attempt to extend my range of patience.
>I think I'm in a spot right now where I feel neutral
>but that can't stop me from knowing how disgusting and vile they are, and how even just existing is
Sound like a crabdom with a succubi rent free 24/7 in the head.

I like drawing cute lolis and chibis sometimes (not in a sexually way you know) so i dont have a problem with that. so it can fullfiling just learning to draw or do emotion in arts.
>Also
At this point Crabdom gonna be normal in this place… fuck.

>>304492
>Sound like a crabdom with a succubi rent free 24/7 in the head

OR, his cozy life was ruined because some succubus have either seduced OPs father leading to a divorce


Or didn't seduce, I dunno.

hi

tooth pain and a constant pit in my stomach from too much family exposure on the holidays

"Kaaaah! Is this what being happy feels like?! I'm scared!"

It's turning into a vacant internet. There aren't even bots. Just nobody. The media is even reporting that people have resolved to return to analog forms of entertainment and the internet has been deemed cringe. I am just a schizo talking to myself.

>>305129
Nah you'd be surprised how many such schizos are out there too insecure to strike a wizfriendship because they're fucked up in the head and can't process emotions.

I have perma blocked most of the sites I used due to being too cancerous but I find myself with a low activity webring site, wizchan and some twitch group. I wonder where one is supposed to go. Offline 24/7? some Discord/Steam friend chat?

>>305133
>some Discord/Steam friend chat?

Yep. Everyone at work is on this stuff. I caved once and signed up - got tired of work acquaintances bugging me when I started the computer in the morning. Uninstalled all of it.

>>305133
I never used Discord or the social places of anti-social normies sites.
But in december of last year i started using Discord for server proyects (WoW, City of Heroes, Club Penguien etc) i never talk here.
Just read and ask.
I have just one group that sometimes enter and see memes or chat about the topic of Ceremonial magick, meditation etc.
I have one friend of a WoW server in disc.
I not into old IRC

>>302377
OK, I've bought some "NOW Foods" B12 vitamin.

>>302369
I got stomach ulcers because of this piece of shit bacteria growing too much in my stomach.
Fucking had to take 4 medicines at once.
Now drinking a shit ton of cranberry juice so I don't have to deal with it in the future.

>>303095
ouch
got it

*buys moar vitamins*



i dunno, it appears to be working

OPs here
Last month, I've been lenting (no meat, no eggs, no milk) yet I was taking my b12 pills.

I also did my best to switch from coffee to tea.

All in all, the experiment's been a moderate success in terms of finally not wanting to do bad things to myself, but rather, feel calm.
Side note: with b12 pills, with halved coffee intake and without milk, both my mental health AND my gut health got good, as I don't get irritated unless I make a bold mug of coffee with a side of 4 oz of strong chocolate


However, that also means I will only post on Wizardchan eight times a week or so, as I have some other chats to participate at: some AI prompt guys running quite a model with an online API; a community on a certain anime artist whose works blew my mind recently; some funny microblog site (new site to explore though… I am thinking of something friendly to geeks and tech guy

and maybe a small community running own IRC so I could mIRC here or there

>>304836
not him, yet… YAS

>>302319
>>302319
>I know this is a meme, but taking a shower can completely turn my mood around and make my worries go away,

It's true. A shower doesn't just cleanse your body , but it cleanses your bad vibes too. it's as if it could cleanse your soul somehow

Food is the only thing that works for me, it staves off the feelings of emptiness for an hour or so.

You may want to tune out your algorithms so they don't lead you to hours of doomscrolling.
Other than that the normie strategies of going to sleep early, exercise, eating well and shit help.

deathbed regrets are the dumbest fucking thing ever, and normgroids are retarded for living their life trying to avoid them

>>304965
You don't need to make the best choice. You need to be happy with what you ended up with.

>>304965
Probably better to focus on trying to avoid major regret. Smaller regrets don't occupy the mind as much

>>300442
This is the funniest shit ever LMAO. Just fucking die you stupid normalfaggots

My only regret is that I can't fuck a horse if I'm to remain wizard. Horses are kinda hot, no?