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File: 1559142799984.jpg (125.06 KB, 852x480, 71:40, man_with_noose.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

 No.201702[Reply]

Anyone here legit have brain damage?

I've never got a brain scan to confirm it, but I'm 99 percent sure I do. 10 years ago when I was 16 I was beaten really badly by a white knight. He hit me with a punch off guard and stomped on my head repeatedly. I was able to get up and go home and never saw a doctor, but I was never the same since that day.

I began stuttering even though I never did before that day, my grades tanked, my thinking became scattered, I became less coordinated, I forget words, even common words, very easily, and my typing speed tanked. I remember my goal used to be to be able to consistently type at 100 wpm and I did those online things to test it and I went from consistently being in the 80-90 wpm range all the way down to 35-40. I also remember literally nothing that happened before middle school, but who knows if that's related.

I think about getting a brain scan to confirm my suspicions but I know nothing can be done about it if that's the case, so why bother. Part of my likes to cling to hope that I just have some sort of mental block that I'll magically snap out of.
67 posts and 3 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.209968

I wish I was never sired/conceived. I wish (((worst cult group))) & (((worst ethnic group))) never reproduced/existed. Consider yourselves luckier you never received concussions, & never need to buy/use insulin, & never need to buy/drink psychiatric medicines.
t. concussed obese insomniac type-1-diabetic mentally-ill person
t. member of (((worst cult group))) & (((worst ethnic group)))

 No.209982

>>204504
everything is basically necro here

 No.209998

>>209923
What made you so ashamed? Just curious.

 No.210538

File: 1573413435747.jpg (39.06 KB, 400x289, 400:289, Marlboro Man.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I got a big scar on my head and my parents said I fell when I was a child and cracked my skull but apparently never had brain damage. I've always been slow when it comes to maths and academics. Painfully lazy to such a degree I'll let my teeth rot rather than getting up and brushing them. The sad reality of it is I can't remember it happening. I was young and I just forgot due to the trauma. So I don't even know what I was like or what I could've been. I genuinely believe if I hadn't hit my head that day my life would be a lot better.

 No.210544

>>201748
>>205579
I third this.



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 No.210460[Reply]

There are 3 things.
Things you enjoy.
Things you hate.
Things you don’t care about.

I don’t believe in the power of creation. Things I enjoy already exist so I don’t need to create anything. Simplicity is key.

On the other hand, I do believe in the power of destruction. Things I hate exist and I only wish I could remove them from existence. There is no other way around.

That is why, deep down, we all wish to be a god of destruction.
If we could remove things from existence and get away with it, we would.
Gov and religions make sure to trick people into believing that “it is not an answer” and “it will not make you feel better”.
That is simply a lie to control the beta sheep population into submission.

Remember kids, the meaning of life is to destroy what you hate.
Like in Zen Buddhism, “remove the crooked, all that is left is good”.
Purity is inherently present, hidden behind the ugly.

 No.210465

Point of all this edge being?

 No.210478

>Things I hate exist and I only wish I could remove them from existence. There is no other way around.
Wrong, you could stop hating them.

 No.210480

As long as you don't mean as in DB those God of destruction are nothing but slaves of the Demiurge

 No.210512

you cannot control what happens to you, get over it. the only thing you control is how you feel about it. you can choose to be a sad little faggot, or you can choose to be happy. no one is ever going to force you to feel a certain way, no one has the power to do anything to your mind except you. also, dont fucking blame your sadness on the boogeyman of "depression".

 No.210533

>>210465
Thanks for reminding me why I left this website in the first place. No original discussion can take place because you fucking normgroids won't stop shitting up the website whenever you see something that doesn't read like a braindead normie post. Fuck all of you normies



 No.210485[Reply]

You know what's fucked up in this life? Enduring constant physical and psychological abuse from parents. You're an always crying or very reserved wizkid. Other adults see and approve/ignore the abuse. No one says a thing. They get to you in a condescending tone. They still expect normie behaviour from you. You discover relief in alcohol and drug use. Violence and terror lives in your wizkid life. Life goes on. Stopped being hit at 15. "You're suppossed to act normal young fella, be a man about it".

Everyone around you realize you've grown into an alcoholic/drug addict adult past your 25s. Everyone loathes you. Like "why can't this stupid asshole stop harming himself and everone around him". You know fucking why, you just don't care.

 No.210489

Mine actually stopped around 18, I can't tell what is the permanent damage from it from issues I may have been born with. You're right they all know why I'm like this but the reason is so horrifying that they'll fake ignorance to the grave, I don't care if they do or don't anymore because it can't be changed. I'm too old for any more resolve that hasn't come naturally to matter much. I can only artificially play games with my mind. I wouldn't say I'm genuinely that reserved personality wise but my mind and body is in such rough shape from growing up on pure stress and feelings of impending doom that I need so much space it turns into isolation often if just one thing throws my fragile routine I have holding me up by a string off.

Sometimes I can fake the normie presentation but all it takes is a short conversation with me and everyone knows I got issues even if all they heard is my incurable speech issues to scratch the surface.

 No.210508

High as fuck now. Made me remember all those times I tried forcing myself to sleep after a bad beating, still crying, wounds open, alone. Only child. I wasn't even fucking 10 when it began.

I realized that's why I have insomnia. I subconsciously associate sleep with trauma.

I vividly remember these beatings whem high. This high shit is deep man.



 No.210384[Reply]

It terrifies me that there are people aware of my existence

All those persons i've interacted with throughtout my life… I'm stuck in their perception

All the embarrasing stuff I've done.. irreversible

i hate the universe
3 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.210403

Yep.
Also it's weird to imagine people of my past thinking of me, considering I was such a marginal character.

 No.210422

>>210384
>I will die someday
>death is guaranteed
>when I die, only I will die and no one will die with me, only my last thoughts will matter; what other people think will be irrelevant

>I could die right now

>what other people think is irrelevant, only my thoughts matter

There, your insecurity problems are fixed. Give it some time. Mature and learn indifference.

 No.210423

>>210401
Best advice I've heard all day

 No.210457

I doubt anyone will remember me
I've always been and will be a ghost forever

 No.210467

To be fair the embarrassing stuff you've done is most likely either just whimsical or half as embarrassing to them since they're probably as self conscious.



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 No.209907[Reply]

Has anyone here had any success convincing their parents that they're not going to get "better" and become a normalfag? It had seemed like I was getting pretty close, they hadn't mentioned anything for years and just let me rot in peace but then they started trying to get me to be a wageslave again and then when I lost my shit and told them I'm never going to be normal they tried to send me back to the psychiatrist again like that will help. Do I just have to fail enough times to finally crush their spirit or is there a better way?
5 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.209913

If you can show some kind of effort and and upward trajectory you can sometimes delay their judgement. Something like trying to get into better shape, trying to get more healthy, trying to learn a new skill, ect.

Then when it is time to take the plunge and become a wageslave you mentally collapse/have a meltdown ect. This can be repeated multiple times but it would probably be quite unpleasant.

This is effectively what I have done, although in my case it was mostly honest tries. But it has lessened my guilt and their harshness towards me a lot.

 No.209916

>>209913
Now that you mention it, this is also what I've done most of my life and continue to do. I just told them I would try to take martial arts classes. I have tried quite a bit to be a normie, did some wage slaving and such, tried other things. I guess I just have to keep trying even if I have no hope and know it's pointless.

 No.209922

>>209916
It makes things good for long periods of time. But you pay for it later during your failure periods, but such is life I guess.

 No.210320

>>209908
>making them support you

It's their fault for procreating and forcing this person to exist.

 No.210335

>>209922
In life everyone loses anyways, everyone fails. It's both motivating and the opposite. I have no way to be a normie, I never even had that choice. After my first real job I realized that pretty fast observing others around me. I always try to keep working because it's basically effortless for me and I get money but just not enough to live on my own with. I can walk in and do my part time job in my sleep, it's tedious at worst. Parents know well now that I can't make it and that my family is a mess in general. I never get pestered to do much more besides one occasionally throwing in hints to take online college courses which I'm not because I know just where that'll get me and it's not gonna be anywhere I'll benefit from being.

They're also getting older and I have maybe at most 8 to maybe if I'm very lucky 10 years to save money and whatever things are like then are going to be what determines what comes after. A lot can happen in a year too, for example health problems for you or anyone immediately supporting you can occur at any time and drain both their money and life away in less than a month. A good thing can happen too, maybe you win a lot of money and are happily ever after. I don't try to do anything big, I just try to make what I already do to keep myself afloat more efficient and healthy.



 No.208226[Reply]

Serious post, don't delete. Am I wrong for thinking this way? I need the input of other wizards.

I am 25. I've lived through physical abuse, mental disease, psych wards, meds, poverty, severed all ties with family, near death experiences, failed suicide attempts, constant humiliation, you know the drill.

I see everything clear, or I've turned legit crazy and haven't realized:
>life is absurd and meaningless
>social constructs of society don't matter, realizing this I am no longer shackled to them
>only care about my reality, I stop caring about judging or being judged
>realize that I am free to seek transient happiness in the "small things" that I enjoy, until I die
>realize mental illness is like diabetes and that I should take care of myself

With this in mind I feel calm. Or I am having a gigantic delusion and will snap shortly.
12 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.208277

>>208226
>realize mental illness is like diabetes and that I should take care of myself
Could you explain?

 No.208278

>>208277
>I have diabetes, gotta take my meds or my insulin will spike
>I have heart disease, gotta take my meds or my heart will burst
>I am mentally ill, gotta take my meds or I will do some retarded shit that will land me on the psych ward again

just buying my month of supply of mirtazapine on discount. Running low on clonazepam. Can't even sleep now. I should feel heavilu sedated but my tolerance has gotten stupid high. An anti-psychotic like quetiapine or olanzapine would be ideal for sleep but anti-psychotics make me grumpy and bounce and I'd rather go to the psych ward again, or get run over by the car in the midst of one of my idiot stunts.

 No.208314

>>208278
hello friend, please and a honest brother to brother advice, drop your "psychiatry" medicines NOW, listen here, I'm a wiz medfag, we give people random shit of meds that we don't even know what are they for but we do experiments, reversed psychology shit, we give you paracetamol based med hidden in another name and we tell you it's anti schizophrenic med…
you might think its ok and it won't affect you. no, it fucks your bracrabs more
take care. world is brutal, only death might lead us to truth.

 No.208377

>>208226
I started thinking this way too. Pair that with the realization that my life is going to be gone in a flash, I started to appreciate the small things. Who gives a shit what anyone else thinks? Who cares what success should look like? I'm more concerned with how many blue skies I am going to see in my lifetime. How many sunsets will I watch? How many days will I get to feel that outside it is cold as snow or hot as hell? As I started asking questions like these, I felt more happy and grateful. Life is absurd, but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy it or that you can't be sad either. I would recommend looking in Taoism/Zen Buddhism too.

 No.210295

Nothing wrong with that,



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 No.204765[Reply]

“The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, "is to learn something. That's the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then — to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn.”
24 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.209788

great post OP, this is what wizardry should be.

>>209121

how about instead of judging the author you analize the text itself?
also
>h-he wanted to have sex
so did a vast majority of all writers, directors, musicians, etc., so i suppose you reject all modern media, unless you know for sure they had a celibacy for all their life.

 No.209789

>you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics

can't really see how learning helps you in this situation. The more you learn about the senselessness of the devastation being imparted upon the world by these evil lunatics, the more weary and resentful you will grow. The idea that you can somehow change things is madness, so what do you do, just resign yourself to learn about it until it drives you to suicide? I think this quote was made from the assumption that the devastation in question would be war which always ends and is replaced by peace and status quo, but now the destruction is total destruction, the planet itself will die from global warming along with many many humans. This devastation is not going to be devastation as we have known before, it will be something unimaginably horrible.

 No.209791

>>209789
It's hard to say, because it didn't happen yet, but maybe people would change their ways and start living in harmony with nature and prevent such things to happen in the future. Surely other problems will arise though, and each time humanity will somehow get over them (generally after the consequences happen).
So what the lesson would be? Don't fear the unavoidable? I honestly can't tell, the lesson can not be learned before the real occurence takes place.

 No.209813

>>209788
>analize the text itself
There are already many refutations in this thread
but analyzing your text "analize" should be "analyze"

> reject all modern media

no, but I take them with a grain of salt not as a bible, especially the words an author with that many characteristics antithetical to wizardry. You can see op insulted anyone who disagreed with the quote.

 No.210269

Isn't this just some "deep" characterisation choice? It pairs up pretty well with:

>Old wise man says learn something when you're feeling sad

>He's very smart and knowledgeable
>Wow… dude? just think of how sad this guy is!?

I hate the low ability design skills of the normals



 No.210188[Reply]

I'm a chronic alcohol and drug user, 25. Shy, lonely. Everyone that knows me outside wagecuck know this. Everyone see me pulling myself up together only to fuck, and repeat over and over again.

My forced turbochad normie roomie know this. We were both high but in his room me noticeable higher. I requested to see Bojack Horseman and starting laughing at it. He looked at me "dude it's fuck up you laugh at this shit, this is like your life".
Am I overthinking it?
It will feel awkward living together he knowing I am a freak.
5 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.210195


 No.210203

>>210194
You are overthinking it. Your life is good. Quit complaining. Go back to r9k

 No.210216

>>210194
Druggee with a high paying job. Based.

 No.210251

Fuck 'em. Pay the bills and get trashed all you want. Normals do not understand.

 No.210268

Calm down, lots of people are freaks whether they're like us or normals. Try and establish that you're going through a rough time rather than coming across as an unhinged ticking time bomb. If he considers you a threat he's gonna want to replace you or fuck you over in some way as soon as possible



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 No.207404[Reply]

People that are neets/hikis and live with others with no backlash for their lifestyle are really in a comfortable spot. Compare that to me who is living with my parents I'm always scared of leaving my room due to the fear that i'm just gonna get scolded for my "laziness", parents have been on my back for college while I just want a wagie job that pays minimum and live in an apartment, all I need is a bed, some food and internet, my happiness is not fulfilled by consumerism or needless thing because it never makes me happy. I wish that I could be as comfortable to just not have so much pressure on my back, it's so hard living with someone that barely understand you. Anyone with similar experiences? I feel like living a low life is what I deserve, I don't feel grateful for what I have, I feel as this is some deserving punishment, who else owns their own apartment/house, what is it like?
20 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.210090

>>208950
if your mom and dad really love you, they will prep you to maximally exploit bux via welfare or disability for when they are gone. I wish mine had.

 No.210102

>>210090

My parents & I did this many, many years ago. They helped me get my NEETbux and to stack as many additional benefits as I could (I get close to $1500 a month, $475 of which I give to my parents for their help & letting me live with them and always taking care of my needs). That was close to 10 years ago now and, as it stands, I've saved up quite a bit since then, so at least I have something to pull from should an emergency ever happen.

 No.210151

>>210102
Assuming you're not actually disabled, I wish my parents had been so unscrupulous. Too late now.

 No.210162

>>210151

Well I happen to be pretty autistic and had the written documentation to prove it (from individuals like a random shrink I saw twice around the time I applied/our family doctor/former educational assistants), etc.), which was enough to be considered highly incompetent by my government, since severe autism is considered an incurable disability here. In reality, I think I'd only consider myself moderately autistic, or otherwise mentally handicapped in most areas, being that I'm quite a slow learner and have an extremely hard time doing anything by myself. I get stressed very easily and am quite high-strung leading to certain instances where I'll sometimes have relatively small "aspie freakouts" when faced with even minor obstacles. The fact is though that, at the end of the day, as much as my parents try to reassure me that I'm not as autistic as I think I am, we all know that I'm essentially one hair shy of being a complete invalid, even though that's basically what I've always been in a lot of ways. The bottom line is that I just couldn't survive on my own without assistance. It's a shame that most other autistic wizzies can't somehow get assistance from their respective governments as easily as I could, given that, in my case, I only needed to apply once before I got approved (probably due to the additional documentation I had), with the additional stackable benefits being also relatively easy to acquire afterwards. Needless to say, but having a rather large source of "free money" to do with as I please each month has certainly been the sort of priceless luxury that I honestly couldn't see myself living without at this point. Beyond just saving it, I've also used it to buy myself lots of consumer goods & pricey electronics over the years, while also helping out my parents with the cost associated with various new & improved renovations around the house, so I've definitely made prodigious use of all this "free money" I get each month. Sometimes merely for my own greedy indulgences (VR headset, new consoles, top of the line graphics card, etc.), but mostly actually to help my parents, (paying for a new furnace, water heater, central air system, new shingles for the roof, new siding for the house, new fence, building materials for various building & renovation projects, etc.). Hell, I spent close to $2000 of this monePost too long. Click here to view the full text.

 No.210249

>>210162
Sounds like a cozy lifestyle. Happy for you wizzo.



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 No.208610[Reply]

First of all my stats:

27yo
KHHV (haven't had any physical contact with a female in 8 solid years, but at this point I am to depressed to even care.)

My life is currently in shambles, it already started breaking in childhood, despite me trying to prevent it from doing so ever since I was around 13years old.

My childhood was fucked from the get go, mom was extremely lazy and a horder, 90% except my room and bedroom of our 200m2 house until recently (9months ago) have been unlivable. Clothes, rotten food, trash and used female hygiene products everywhere. If i tried to clean up anything she got hysterical and screamed at me/pulled my hair out.

Parents were constantly fighting, about the trash (my father got into tirades every second day but never did anything), about my father cheating (partially my moms paranoia/partially real cheating), her not cooking any food, my dad not giving her enough money (he gave her 2k per month, she spent it all on clothes).

My mom never cooked, when she cooked lunch, it was 3h after i got home from school (4pm) and she just threw some pasta in a pan with cheese (no vegetables no meat, literally just pasta and cheese) or something simmilarl. She stopped cooking altogether when i turned 13, had to cook for myself ever since, in a kitchen, which never got cleaned or had its dishes done. Parents provided me with no knowledge on nutrition and I didn't learn anything about it in school either. I also lived 5 miles from the nearest store with no public transport to get there, so I couldn't even get any groceries etc. Basically was forced to eat the trash my parents fed me. I got to eat a meal that had lean meat in it maybe 1 a month when I was at a friends house, but thats about it.

No friends in high school, constant bullying and physical abuse (got beat up so bad once, that EMTs had to be called and i had to be transported to a hospital). Told teachers, they didn't care, told parents, mother didn't care, father told me it was my mothers problem and threatened to beat me up if I refused to go. Grades dropped because of falling apart mentally, parents punished me by restricting my computer access (at this point the only window to the outside that I still had), teachers constantly targeted me specifically to motivate me to use my bootstraps, which obviously backfired, grades+mental health dropped further. I finally had a breakdown and refused to go back to school, which resultedPost too long. Click here to view the full text.
59 posts and 7 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.209028

OP, I think I relate to you but can only offer advice which has helped me:

1. Detach yourself momentarily from any ambitions, desires, needs, etc beyond food, warmth and shelter.

2. If there is anyone in your life you respect, even an uncle or something, then reach out and speak to them in person: internet posting won't achieve much.

3. Do not let anger, resentment, vengefulness, hatred etc dictate your behaviour or thoughts. I have been in that situation and you can easily end up behaving recklessly which can get you injured, arrested, doxxed, or worse.

4. Accept that your past is your past, and that at the very least it has taught you how not to behave. The fact you can view hoarding, poor parenting etc with a critical eye suggests you know how things should be in ideal environment, which means you can be one of those people that helps secure such an environment for others generally speaking.

5. Make sure you get enough sleep.

 No.209386

>>208610
Sometimes inner wishes are just tyrannical pieces of soul which feed on us when we cannot satisfy their demands. These type of desires must be defied, rejected and destroyed. As if you hated them…

for they seem to be… unnatural.

by the way, did you ever manage to make the world know your wrath? To overcome your fears?

How do you feel about bullying? Wanting others to pay or wishing it could have been different?

Rage gets healed pretending fear.
Fear gets healed acting as enraged.
Desire is a pain the hurts more as you try to satisfy it.

Or that's at least my experience.

 No.209397

For all I've read, you are strong as fuck, OP. Most in your situation would not keep up, believe me. Man, you got some balls there. I respect you.

I don't know what to say or what advice I could give you, as I never experienced what you are going throughther – not even close. I just wanted to say that you behave like a real man should, even under such adversities. Man… I wish I could give you a hug.

 No.210157

>>208610
Not all of us will survive and prevail in the end,anon.
The sooner you realize that the better it will be.
If I am not mistaken Aristotle once said that slave should be happy understanding who he is and what place he holds in this world

 No.210234

I'm in a similar position but I linked up with an outpatient care place that pays for my rent and stuff. deeply suicidal. low IQ freak. no human contact. I get disgusted at my own thoughts. I hope you're ok



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