/dep/ - Depression

Nembutal?

>>219466
>if you have a pharmacy at your disposal, can you make something that'll off you in a neutral way? just like going to sleep, minimal effect on brain receptors.

No. Fiend here. I can get Tramadol OTC where I live, which is as more strong or slightly stronger than Codeine. Compared to Oxycodone, the difference in high dosages is irrelevant when you have a stupid high tolerance. Mix that with a long lasting, strong benzo like Clonazepam. This will further depress your CNS and prevent any seizure from the Tramadol. Mix that with grapefruit juice, an empty stomach, a high dose of the benzo (above 20mg of kpins) and hard liquor.

You're more likely to black out though. I always black out.

>>219506
>OFF you in a neutral way
i mean, something that will kill you. need something that kills you without making you experience anything unusually good or bad (so something like heroin is not an option).

>>219505
no meds contain pentobarbitone anymore afaik

>>219466
Short answer: yes
>What to grab
Ethanol (can be substituted with any strong alcoholic beverage of your taste)
Non opiate based painkiller
>how
Just crush the meds and mix into shots.
Drink the mix. Go into some situation where you die if you pass out (asphyxiation, cold e.t.c.). The reason you don’t want to use opiate based painkillers is because they will make you feel like you’re choking while remaining conscious. If you get a good mix it will basically just make you go to sleep and you won’t feel anything

>>220591
Why not mix the opiate painkiller od with a strong sleep medication.
Seroquel could work.

>>221192
>n-word
You can say nigger here, nigger.

>>221194
I know, nazikid.

>>221191
Yeah, I've experienced this too. My mom literally suggested I go to the military even though I can't even tie my shoes and can't drive. There's a weird lack of understanding of how someone can't get a job since they're boomers who could just get a job by waltzing in and could half-ass it since there weren't as many people competing for jobs back then. Now it's like "you didn't clean fast enough bye." People really don't react well to some fidgety asocial slowpoke.

>>221202
Any particular reason you didn't take up driving?

>>221710
Family went broke. dad ended up in the looney bin. Mom didn't drive/no car .

Those are the financial reasons. I wouldn't have passed the test and I live in a high traffic area so I would get into shit pretty quick if I was a really bad driver. I couldn't ride a bike either. My motor skills/visual spatial ability are really gimped.

>>221591
>Correct me if I'm wrong

Rage induced substance OD.

>unless brain is sufficiently knocked out of commission

I don't believe being "knocked out of commission" actually exist. Even when blacking out I maintain my behaviour and manners. And when being blackout in the face of obvious danger I always wake up (not breathing at all). It's not that you fade away, the brain wakes up the consciousness because of any shock (not breathing, drowning, lack of circulation, etc). But the body is still there, lying helpless.

>>221584
>It's not permanent death I fear. I fear pain.
The fact that you are so upset over almost dying says otherwise. Pain is caused by resistance. What are you resisting?

>>221580
Shouldn't you go to the hospital or something?

>>221621
It's easy to say that when you're not the one in his shoes. I'm not sure I'd keep my conviction when my entire body is on panic mode doing everything it can to change my mind. It's nothing to do with attachment, but rather it's just too fucking terrible a sensation to the point you can't get yourself to do it.

>Pain is caused by resistance
Pain is an involuntary neurologic response that happens regardless of what you think or expect of things. Wanting to die won't make the pain go away.

So I've slept for over 18 hours. Woke up a couple of times, lots of dreaming. Took my Mirtazapine by this time, it had been over sleepless 60 hours since fucking up, I decided it was safe to take my meds. Might have had a seizure, metallic taste in my mouth, pink puddles in my white sheets with no visibible wounds. Definitely had strong fevers, lots of sweating. Feeling better now, I feel alright lying down, chest and head pain has disappeared, I can swallow and drink, I feel safe eating, got some appetite back.

Don't know what I'd do without Mirtazapine. I've lost 15 pounds in a few weeks. Going back to 5'7 140 lbs skelly if I keep up like this. Suddenly I remember my childhood and details before KG. I remember why I got my stupid name. Or me being scared shitless because of mom harming herself and dad and then giving me food.

>>221634
>Shouldn't you go to the hospital or something?
>arrive at third-world ER
>wait 4 hours
>explain problem to doctor
>"you're alive, can you leave now? You can buy some Acetaminophen if you're not feeling alright, that's OTC, you don't even need a prescription, what the fuck are you doing here"

I've been thinking a bit today and I have some thoughts about how I became a wizard (or rather apprentice, cause I'm not 30, but I don't see any sex in my future).

I think one of the main reasons I became a wizard is that I hate succubi. No I'm not trolling or falseflagging, this is just genuinely how I feel and I will explain why.

I grew up in a household of only succubi. And not only that, but almost all of my family's friends were also succubi. My whole life has been dominated by succubi. And I don't think I hate them out of some resentment (as I have some good relations with them), but I think it's because I've come to understand them more than the average normalfag that likely hangs out with their male friends/father/uncle etc. From my understanding, a lot of men have this idealized image of succubi. They have a mother who they obviously love, and maybe a sister, but they often don't interact with them on a level to truly understand them. This is why there are so many "whiteknights" or people who otherwise have succubi on a pedestal.

Many men have this idealized image of succubi broken when they finally move in with their wife or girlfriend, but by then it is too late, and they still may not begin to comprehend them. I believe this is why the common stereotype of the husband who spends all their time at work or the bar came into existence. Many men would simply avoid their wives unless they wanted sex, so they never understood them.

However I have been forced to understand them, and I do not like my findings. And I think I subconsciously always knew and hence why I've never had a girlfriend or sex. I truly do think succubi are the lesser sex. They are childish
(as in acting like a toddler that throws fits and cannot control them self or understand others) well into old age, and they lack a self conscience. They seldom create, and demand that all preoccupations be discarded in favor of themselves. And I have seen these traits expressed in them all my life. Particularly my sister and mother. What is incredible about it is that they hate each other because of these aforementioned qualities, and can see these negative attributes in one another but never themselves. They will always accuse the other of things they do. They will always let others assume responsibility, and should the other fail to assume it themselves they will then demand that they do. They are highly emotional and do not plan well. They are shortPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>221497
>They will always let others assume responsibility, and should the other fail to assume it themselves they will then demand that they do.
Or they will get mad and say that it was the responsibility of someone else and pin the blame on them. Not recognizing that nobody is naturally given responsibility in a group and nobody owes each other anything, which they claim but do not practice.

>>221497
>There are other reasons I have rejected sex and intimacy in my life
What are the other reasons?
Good post, i wish to hear more about your experiences

>>221497
I agree 100% with what you've said, my life experience is almost exactly the same. I have grown up observing behaviour and thought processes of female relatives from all age groups (I have younger sister, older sister, mother and grandma), and drawing conclusions based on that. I have pretty good relationship with my sisters, and they're both somewhat intelligent (for females, that is), so I've been able to talk to them in depth about things, and since they didn't need to pretend to be something they're not with me, I could very easily verify my observations about how the succubi in general function on a mental level (also on the biological level, which is something so horrendous that we should not speak of such things here).

I do think overwhelming majority of men never truly learns these things, as they're conditioned by society to either not bother with it (as supposedly the female mind is so complicated that a man could never understand it), or if they dare to do so, they're usually shunned for being too critical and sexist/misogynist/whatever the fuck. Meanwhile reading a few chapters from Otto Weininger's Sex and Character and applying the knowledge in their lives could save many of them from a life full of misunderstanding, confusion and misery. Or maybe the knowledge alone doesn't cut it, and you need to be a strong enough character to go against the conditioning and propaganda of the society about all this. It's rather easy to keep an idealized image of succubi, when it's all there is being pushed in media. By the time they glimpse beyond the facade, it's too late.

In a sense, I do consider apprentices and wizards to be lucky, even if one tiny part of their lives, because they do manage to avoid the source of greatest chaos and destruction that they would invite into their lives if they did not denounce the succubi.

>>221531
Most other reasons are the same as many posters here. Being asocial, generally unattractive, and being introduced to imageboards at a fairly young age. Also growing up in recent times I do think that on a political level men are simply rejected from society more frequently, and many of these rejected men seek equally rejected succubi so that they may find a kindred spirit. However the amount of succubi who become rejected from society is far smaller than men, and there honestly may not be any at all. To compound this, people rejected from society have small chances of finding others due to the obvious rejection and trouble forming relationships. It's a bit of a downwards spiral.

Along with this my family structure is far from the norm. I think the nuclear family was so popularized due in part because it did have great success in raising men that could hold a steady job and easily find wives and create more families. It was a self sustaining cycle that is currently being brought to its knees.

I've lost most of the thoughts I had yesterday though, but if I begin to think about it again I will post here.

>>221549
>and since they didn't need to pretend to be something they're not with me, I could very easily verify my observations about how the succubi in general function on a mental level
This too is very important. It's hard to unmask people who are not related, and even harder if they are succubi.
>if they dare to do so, they're usually shunned for being too critical and sexist/misogynist/whatever the fuck
I think it's because succubi are emotionally driven, so someone who is able to identify that and either manipulate them or otherwise resist makes them uncomfortable. They are used to people backing down to satisfy their emotions. It's why things like virgin, gross, and creep are go to insults that are expected to win arguments. They need to be emotionally validated otherwise they won't be willing to give you the satisfaction of being correct. To quote a movie, "You're not wrong, you're just an asshole"

i'm 209 pounds. i managed to go down to 169 pounds last year but gained it all back once the doctors put me on neuroleptics.

I've been substantially over weight since middle school and even though I lifted through out high school my ignorance and lack of self control kept me from lowering my bf% and it kept rising until last December when I finally past the obese line and developed sciatica. since then I've been trying to lose weight with water fasting and calisthenics and I'm already down from 225 to 203 but now I'm struggling to control my self again and I'm afraid il put on more weight than before. Iv gained so much physically and spiritually by losing weight.
I just dont want to go back to feeling like shit all the time.

I was stuck around 230 for 6 years.
I changed my eating habbits over calories first. That worked. My mother tried to put me in strict regimented diets and it hurt me a lot both mentally and phyiscally, my head hurt i constantly felt tired etc.
I stop listening to her, and just tried to get junkfood etc out of my life. I started small, eat everything but no drinks, then eat everything but no sugar, then no carbs (but went full on protein) etc etc.
Then i switched to diet food, veggies, fruits, some diet crackers, nuts, chiken. But I ate as much as I want first, then began to cut, little by little.
After 2 months my body got use to it. Now I can diet normally, without any pain and lost 30 pounds already.

-Don't listen to anyone, that includes me. Only you know your habits and what works and what doesnt
-but if i may give one advice, take it slow. worry about changing your habbits over losing weight

I have been fat my entire life. but on occasion i did exercise and lose weight, i have lost 100 pounds twice in my life. twice? well i gained it all back.
Right now im the fattest i have ever been.

Im also a hikkimorie, i plan on going full prisoner mode. I think to myself, hey, if prisoners can get in shape, why cant i?

So i bought a treadmill.

oh i also plan on going on a diet. Im going to do the one were you stop eating bread

>>221053
Not op. I've tried Adderall, focalin, Ritalin, Vyvanse, modafinil, daytrana, concerts, etc

I have ADHD and these pills plague me with extreme emotional blunting while I'm up on them. 1/5 patients have this side effect unfortunately. My friends remark how dull I am when on them, they destroy my confidence, kill my appetite, and make everything in my life joyless. Certain things I engage with that trigger a dopamine reward circuit, for instance getting a multikill in a competitive video game, feel completely numb on stimulants.

It's like I'm in some weird version of hell when I'm on them. I'm better at functioning in every way, and I can actually keep my life together. I can focus my head long enough to learn from uni textbooks, I can sit down long enough to think through complex problems, I can make the correct choice faster in pressured scenarios. It's like my brain is finally realizing it's potential. But I can't enjoy any of it. In fact, I am so detached that I genuinely don't give a shit whether I'm alive or not. Not that I wish to die, but rather that I am so uninvested in my life that I might as well keep going forward because I couldn't give enough of a shit to stop what I'm already in the middle of doing. It's like I have no opinion were you to ask me if my existence was worth living.

At least when I'm off them I want to die, you know? At least I want something.

>>221068
Very interesting. Too bad it's not only the
>I'm better at functioning in every way, and I can actually keep my life together.
part.

>>221069
well he's getting that much out of it. adderall doesn't solve my lack of cognitive ability, so I just focus on reading which isn't productive, but I feel worse off it. I smoked cigs when I was younger and adderall basically just replaced it, but my fundamental slowbrain doesn't change.

I've recently started my third anti-depressant, the last two were SSRIs, this one is wellbutrin.
So far, same experience as the SSRIs. Nothing changes whatsoever, no side effects, no mood differences, no nothing. I started wellbutrin over a week ago so I still have a couple of weeks for it to kick in fully, but I don't even have any side effects. I truly believe these are all sugar pills and rely on placebo or something to make them work.

>>221467
This is pretty much my experience as well. I've been on a little over half a dozen antidepressants, SSRIs, atypical SSRIs, NDRIs, MAOIs, fucking everything. Never once felt an actual difference on any of them.
They're not complete sugar pills, because the dick-numbing side effect of SSRIs way too often for the pill to be inert. It happens to over 50% of people taking the drug even if you don't tell them SSRIs fuck with libido.

My view is that they do occasionally work, but they're very unreliable and we don't understand in the slightest what, if anything, is going to work for any particular person. That's why the prescription cycle is just endlessly trying random shit until maybe something works.
Depression treatment is not scientific medicine yet, all we know is that we have a bunch of pills that are occasionally helpful and if you try enough of them you might eventually get lucky.

>>219633
Have fun man

Good shit man I am kicking a 6 year daily weed habit as well, almost kicked it but did a week binge also just recently and tomorrow is going to be my second attempt and I feel good about this time. Sobriety brings clarity and we need clarity to keep sane. Godspeed.

>>221448
I always though the /pol/posting was for shits and giggles. Was I wrong?

>>221449
>I always though the /pol/posting was for shits and giggles. Was I wrong

Dude there is literally a post in the latest pol riots thread advocating ethnic cleansing.

>>221450
Frankly I don't understand why a wiz would even have an opinion about such things. But that's a meta thing.

I'm here for the hob and music boards mostly. They're comfy.

>>221275
The fact that this is one of my only sources of social interaction.

It's been the most relatively consistently comfy and relatable imageboard on the whole web for me since like 2013. There are people here who are more like to me than anywhere else on the web. It has also given me a lot as far as imageboards are concerned; so much of the music on my mp3 player is stuff from old mega.co.nz album dumps from Wizardchan music threads, so many books and films I have enjoyed I would have never known where it not for here. That plays into why I keep coming back as well I think.

I did a whole bunch of shit, the worst was telling the teacher I wanted to kill myself multiple times when I was like grade 4-8, they'd call my mom and ask her to bring me home. I was a fucked up kid.

>"fuck you, I'd rather get whipped by you than go today, I spent all night playing vidya, I can't sleep and there's something wrong but I can't put my finger on it". It actually worked 99%


Like, I couldn't believe, late middle school I'm still being hit hard by mother and father, mainly mommy. Black eyes, broken lips, cut skin. Magically get into high school, suddenly my "fuck yous" scared the same people that has been abusive for years.

>>220985
Yeah, I had the same, guess they recalculate their actions when the victim can hit them back, and hit them back hard
What a sad pathetic lifeforms they are. I had the same problem with my family, and you know what I would have respected them more if they hit me as I was a kid. At least I would apploud them for their bravery.

Pushing people below you in strength and power only signifies your cowardice. I'm currently a professor at a university, and I'm appauled by some of my peers actions towards the students. If there are 100 cases of entitlement and rudeness it is maybe 1 case of a student nad 99 cases from professor. The zoomers people love to hate are always polite, always apologizing and always considering to me.
And I try to be as such to them, I always try to be very courtious check my emails to prevent any passive aggresiveness and be patient and kind towards them. Because it is easy to not to.

I hate people who direct their hate downwards while being cowardly towards upwards. Scum of earth. Sadly many of them are professors.

I would pretend to be sick, which is the classic one for kids. Later on in life I would only do this for important things like if I needed more time to study or work on a project.

There were a few times I stayed home just because the bullying was too much but eventually I just learned how to be very good at avoiding them in school. The bullying stopped high school for the most part. A lot of those kids who were bullies were sociopaths and nearly all of them ended up becoming criminals.

In high school sometimes I would skip out on classes or gym class. I wait for the teacher to take attendance then I would hide in the bathroom until they left (to the field or the lab etc) and then I would go back to retrieve my belongings and leave. I would then go to the lunchroom and talk with my friends or just eat snacks alone, then I'd go nap in the library. That was sort fun because I was never caught doing it for gym but for other classes I did get caught twice but I was never punished.

I was the best most avid schoolgoer all A's and work habits at maximum.

It will be 10 years of my neetdom soon.

>>221406
it's objectively a disorder if it ruins your life and makes you suicidal anon

I'm here for you, suffering from OCD, suicide ideation and depression

>>221421

I am in your own horrible
situation.
Did you, by any chance, benefit from antidepressants or cbt?

>>221419
Many things in life can do that and the idea that's it's just all in your head is a hopeful one.

>>221406
>Maybe you should stop guzzling drugs and alcohol. You make this thread like every week.

hey mod, you forgot to sage, like this.