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 No.301044[Reply]

I'm nervous because I've tried so many times and it never worked.

I recently worked alone on the backend of a course project, barely sleeping and also helping with the frontend. Before the deadline, my hands were shaking from anxiety and lack of sleep, which made my stuttering worse. Still, I finished the project (ASP.NET + Angular) and got 11 out of 12 points - almost a perfect score.

But our frontend guy only got 12 points for a beautiful cover, while I was fixing bugs, creating the backend and connecting everything via API. After all this, I was given even more assignments, and now I can't focus on my own projects. Everyone acts like they know what I should do, but I want to do what I want. I have a few personal projects, but they never moved beyond testing.

What frustrates me the most is the uncertainty - I never know if I will succeed. The chances of failure seem huge. The military pressure makes it worse - if I do nothing, I am sent to war (death sentence), or thrown out on the street, or harshly judged.

Thoughts of suicide used to come a few times a year; now it is almost every day. I do not want to live like this. I am too weak mentally to die, but I feel like I am just existing without hope. On top of that, I am burdened by old wounds and a burning desire to take revenge for all the humiliations I have suffered.

Also, I stutter. Most people don’t really care about it and just ignore it, which is actually good. But a few still mock me, including relatives, saying things like, “If you don’t like it, don’t stutter, or it’s embarrassing for me.”

 No.301045

>But our frontend guy only got 12 points for a beautiful cover, while I was fixing bugs
Humanity values beauty more than it values useless programming lines. Should have been an artist.

 No.302141

It's within your own mental power to remove these pressures.
You sound very young.
You're too caught up in the stress of school.
Remove yourself from the environment that is causing you all this pain, if only for a week or two, and hereafter re-affirm to yourself that you are more than what other people think of you. And in re-affirming this, make sure you really understand what you are inwardly saying.
Wrongly receiving a lower grade, not advancing in a given project, stuttering, etc – are all bothersome things surely, but they are in nowise great enough to warrant suicidal thinking.
Remember that you have things many many other people don't:
1. you are young
2. you are healthy (apart from stuttering, which really doesn't even qualify as a sickness and can also be bettered)
3. you are smart
4. you have a safe place to sleep
5. (in conclusion) you have no reason to feel the way you are feeling.

 No.302356

>having a job
There's your problem.


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 No.296812[Reply]

maybe all this is just a dream, a very long bad dream. this current era these people with no empathy for one another, this corrupt government and this polarization is just getting to me.

will it still come to me if i close myself off from the rest of the world wizards????
6 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.299152

>>299144
>Not a single wizard around here knows how to get rid of a corpse by chemical disolution in a bath tub. Prove me wrong.
I don't need that knowledge, but don't you know how to dissolve a body in a bath tub? Wouldn't that account for at least one wizard around here?

 No.300659

>>296956
thanks

 No.300660

File: 1747494195683.jpg (2.12 MB, 2448x3264, 3:4, IMG_2025-05-17-16-58-49-29….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>298896
What's your favorite part? Mine is part 2 of revelation 18 23 in Greek especially. For by your great merchants (wrings hands) of the Earth that deceiveth the world by pharmakeia. Those with eyes that see and ears that can hear it is quite obvious what it all means, but npcs are blind to it

 No.302138

>>296956
All true

 No.302359

>>296930
>There is more good than bad in the material world
>imagine being this wrong


 No.299408[Reply]

I've heard a lot about "fear of missing out"/"fomo". But I have a different kind of fear that doesn't really make sense in my mind: a fear of keeping up with things, or, a fear of catching up.

For example: Many years ago I played internet mahjong a lot. But eventually I stopped playing for a few months. Now, any time I consider playing again, I get paralyzed by this irrational fear. I think things like "it's too late for me to get back into this". And, of course, the fact that this fear stops me from catching back up only makes this fear grow larger and larger.

I once had a small youtube channel but it has been so many years since I uploaded anything, I feel like "it's too late for this, I missed the boat, what's done is done".

I know this fear is irrational but I still am held back it.
Does anyone relate to this fear AT ALL?
I am bad at describing this so this might not make any sense at all.
5 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.301755

hmmmmmm


thats may be why i never buttcoined in 2012 or 2013 or 2014


(jk i was stripped of money)

 No.301793

please kill me please kill me please kill me

 No.302114

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>>299412
oh look, you have built a bridge between "can't have my pleasure hormones, no fuel" and "can't have my pleasure hormones, no neural signals" theories in one

 No.302115

>>302114
*in one go

 No.302122

>>299408
I have this problem too. It's probably because I have low self esteem which leads me to get discouraged and give up easily.


 No.298200[Reply]

The process of birth is an humilliation ritual.
The process of growing up is an humilliation ritual.
The process of death is an humilliation ritual.
Through all these process the individual is humilliated, his spirit shattered into pieces. At the end there's nothing but an empty shell. We're born alone and we die alone and the universe is constantly teasing and humilliating us. The human experience is that of pain and suffering. Births are painful, deaths are painful. Demoralized, disenfranchised, humilliated, broken. Our lives are misserable and only the sweet release of the endless void could save our soul from the torment of existence. I loath humanity just as much as I loath myself and my own existence. Afraid to live and afraid to die. Pathetic husk rotten inside.
6 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.300214

>>298200
At least I can cling to the tiny consolation of knowing I was spared the grips of the ultimate Western humiliation ritual; circumcision.

 No.300425

>>298247
I can't comprehend how a person with healthy family relationship, who can rely on his parents, and his parents can rely on him, and they all have a strong bond of friendship and support eachother, would refuse to make a child. A child which would make his life more safe, pleasant and comforting because he knows that when his time comes, his child will take care of him.
If you're a literally homeless or nearly homeless, feel hopeless, depressed and without any way to improve your life then sure, I get why you don't want children.
Life has it's ups and downs, but children are there to help us make more happy moments, not bad ones. Or am I wrong?

 No.300426

>>300425
>his child will take care of him.
That is an immoral, selfish assumption and burden to place on an independent human. The child must be free to do as be pleases.

Secondly, barely anybody has the social and financial resources you are assuming. Children are extremely expensive in terms of both time and finances. Even if you're a multi-millionaire they will be significant sacrifices to be made.
Personally i hate children so it would not improve my life. To me they are fucking unbearable, loud, dirty, ugly, annoying.

 No.302112

>>300425
oh look

acephobia XD

 No.302113

I blame right-wing politicians for all my suffering and pain, they prohibit drugs and assisted dying


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 No.300761[Reply]

suicide is the best thing you can do in your life. you can never go wrong by doing it. the only reason people won't do it (besides obvious reasons like instinct of self-preservation and fear of unknown) is because they think there is something good ahead in their life and you just have to wait a little. and so our life is wasting like this, eternally awaiting while going through phases of misery and humiliation over and over again until you're dead from "natural" cause.
29 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.301996

What do you think about running and smashing your head in the wall? I just tried it sitting and kinda hurt and I saw a bright flash. I don't even care about being a vegetable or whatever

 No.302000

>>301996
Being a vegetable seems better than this because it would take responsibility for my life off me which I can't handle anyway.
I want to write in my will for my family to throw my corpse into the tracsh

 No.302002

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>>301996
>What do you think about running and smashing your head in the wall?

 No.302009

I relate to all of these posts a lot.

Only child,
Mediocre parents,
No friends in high school,
No gf,
No job,
Interests nobody gives a shit about,
etc,

I've decided to go to college 10 hours away from home to try to restart my life. Have any of you guys tried any thing similar?

 No.302097

>>300761
I like to think about it as a form of control. If I manage to have the means to end it all quickly if something very bad happens, like:
>get broke and unemployed
>contract severe illness that will make me suffer for years, like cancer or some degenerative disease
I would be way more satisfied and secure about my life.

I mean, being a reclusive PC potato will only get you so far. You will become seriously ill eventually. Your brain won't just stop working and *poof* you're dead. Now a shotgun can do exactly that. So that's my number one thing to buy, but it's difficult to find in my country. I don't trust "painless" ways to commit seppuku.


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 No.292925[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

I would like to be with a being with whom I can share everyday moments, to have a being to worry about, in which I can capture the most beautiful part of my being, to whom I can show my vulnerable parts, express my deepest emotions, and show them really who I am. But who am I really? Even in an anonymous forum, I would say he is a great guy, who went through some things, but who despite everything never gave up, someone who always wants the best for others, and who has an optimistic vision even in the most difficult moments. hard And although in a certain way the above is not a lie, the reality is that there is an uncivilized being inside me, someone so disgusting and unpleasant that I don't even like to admit that we are the same person, and hypocritically, whether consciously or unconsciously. , I pretend it doesn't exist. But this is an undeniable reality, and although it is something that can be hidden, it is something that I would never share with anyone, much less voluntarily. I prefer to be a hermit secluded from all social contact rather than show this part of my being. I'm not going to lie to you, life alone is not the best thing in the world, and it has some associated problems, but it is not something completely bad either, and it helps to value things, self-esteem, one's own thoughts, and leave aside vain issues. like social norms, or what someone outside of us may or may not think of us.
134 posts and 13 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.301782

meanwhile, my unrelated dramatic reasons.


I am a 6'2'' person who refuses to stork, to knock up various gals because, turns out, while there are 3 consequtive cases of growing up fatherless in my bloodline…


…my dad, apparently, is too different from his brothers. Much taller, much wider, much heavier also… and a square head, not a round one. LOL.

 No.301795

>>301790
Most likely. If it wadnt mod abuse it should have gotten banned instantly.

 No.301799

>>301782
You're pretty tall, so if you're white and attractive, you can probably get several succubi easily. But at the end of the day, on a biological level, masturbating is the same as sex, and the latter is not that complicated to achieve either.

 No.301830

>>292925
How is this post not against the rules?

 No.302081

>>301799
also
this


thnx
fren

good
nite


[Last 50 Posts]

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 No.301851[Reply]

How do I block out the noise of the world?

Foam has helped me partially or mattresses against windows/ walls etc. depends on what sort of noise and where it’s coming from.

Are used to put mattresses and foam panels against street facing windows. I would say it blocks 25% or so

Mattress covering entire window frame is so obscene though. And don't want hyperacusis caused by using noise cancelling headphones or earplugs.
9 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.301988

>>301986
Phew, I was afraid you're talking about me, he-he


<whether they break in half a year due to intentional weak points

Not the case with my HOCOs

 No.302020

>>301986
I've worn Apple Airpods Pro 2 almost day in, day out only taking them off for a charge, and 3 years later they still hold about 7 hours of battery and the active noise cancellation works perfect.

Best money I ever spent on a piece of technology. Perfect quiet all the time. Not even shitty birds chirping loud at 3am can wake me up anymore.

They charge to full in 20 mins and the case itself holds enough secondary battery for 4 or 5 full charges before
needing to be plugged in.

 No.302026

>>302020
im impressed your ears are all fine with the
>day in, day out
routine

 No.302064

>>301851
DEPENDS.

1. Some fucker goes WROOOOOOOOM

… sue him for *intentional* damages

2. You hear random noises here and there in yer house/apartment

A Great Generation gramps would tell you something like "Bak in mah days, we had this MUZAK thingy to crap in yer ears"

Get your hands on Cantata 3M music
or some lounge
or some jazz fusion
or some elevator music

make sure it won't toss ads in your direction

 No.302080

>>302026
The key is not listening to anything, just having ANC on. It's so perfectly peaceful and quiet, and the earpieces are designed in a way that doesn't cause irritation or pressure whatsoever.


 No.300049[Reply]

How do you guys manage to stay out of bed as shut-in NEETs? I have been a NEET for almost a decade and only now have I realized I'm addicted to laying on my bed all day. I think all started 10 or so years ago when I was still in school, I started to prefer laying on my bed than staying on the computer or doing anything else on my free time. Then I dropped out and became a NEET. Obviously as a shut-in there's not much to do so I normally stay on my bed all day. I have a good computer, but can't stand using it for long. My back and legs start aching and I just find my bed so damn comfortable. I have lots of blankets, cuishons and plushies to make myself even extra comfy. This is bothering me because I can't work on personal projects or use the static bike I bought because I spend my days on my bed doing nothing. Even lurking the internet is way better for me on the bed using my tablet because I can zoom in if I have to and I can watch anime on it. I started joining IRC channels from my computer in hopes to keep myself out of bed since IRC works better from a desktop.
This seems to be a real mental condition called clinophilia. There's barely any info on it besides https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinophilia and most people online treat it like a joke "haha yeah I love staying in bed!" normalfag type of comments. But this is a serious illness as it makes me unable to stay healthy and active even as a NEET.
5 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.300165

>>300049
I made a post about this sometime ago titled bedrotting, basically all I do is stay in my bed all day, and I can even enter a trance like state where I am half-asleep and half-awake, I am trying to get myself to stop doing this but it's becoming like a drug really. I am not actually a NEET just yet, I am still in college but of course my college degree is largely useless. So I spend my free time on the bed, I am also gaining weight like crazy and basically look like I am fucking pregnant or have a football in my stomach.

How long do you think you can continue living like this? Do you have your parents or state support you for now? With me I have my parents support me till I complete my college education and then I will basically be left for the dead.

 No.300170

>>300049
I know when you’ve been depressed your whole life it sort of turns into a buzzword at some point. But if you’re laying in bed 50-70% of your day you by definition have clinical depression. I do this as well but because there are no known cures there isn’t much you can do. Exercise genuinely does help but asking someone with so little energy to exercise is difficult. I hope they find a cure to depression one day.

 No.300181

>>300170
The cure to depression is either to delude yourself by thinking your life is wonderful which people like me can't do because they know the truth so the other cure is real improvement in living conditions like jobs, career, family, etc but for all these you require a specific height, race, and face (additionally gender and place of birth). These three (or five) things are only attainable through genetic lottery and citizenship lottery. If you're a third worlder, brown, ugly, short, poor and a male then all you could do is lie down on your bed and wish how things could've been different. And while you do that you realise that you've been wasting time and are ignoring your problems which only make them more and bigger and you realise that you have been nothing else but a leech on your family.

 No.302071

>>300049
>I have a good computer, but can't stand using it for long. My back and legs start aching and I just find my bed so damn comfortable.

Weak muscles
or crappy chair

 No.302073

I like my bed, but that's probably because all my chairs suck. But it might be a godsend to prevent me from getting deep vein thromboses. The bed I have now though is super high up so its harder to do a lot of the computer activities I enjoyed while sitting up in bed. I feel kinda stuck with it as its a family heirloom and has a lot of storage space below it.

But yeah I've seen people become bed ridden and die, so I get concerned I'm not outside moving about more while I'm young before I suffer the same fate.


 No.297753[Reply]

How do you guys fight anhedonia? Do you have any experience with it?
I basically don't feel pleasure from anything except food, maybe. Stories, games, art don't really touch me at all and it sucks because I remember how much I loved escapism before and how it brought excitement, joy, sadness etc. Now it's all blank. I want to bring emotions back, want to bring excitement, joy, even sweet sadness would do honestly, I miss being profoundly sad.

Have any of you managed to revert to your older non-anhedonic self?
32 posts and 3 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.301967

>>298689
idk


afaik, a prisoner works though (oh wait, that's penal colony)

 No.301975

>>297753
I find that missing a night of sleep helps anhedonia. NO fucking clue why. and it doesn't keep working (missing two nights of sleep in a row doesn't continue it). Wouldn't recommend doing it a lot.

Some drugs help but they always stop working once you build tolerance and then they never work well again I find

Other than i don't know. setting goals doesn't help in fact I would recommend against forcing yourself to do stuff you don't find enjoyable. It's like how trying to force yourself to sleep actually makes insomnia worse. You just end up associating frustration with the activity you want to do.

Life with anhedonai feels pointless. No pleasure, no point? Like why do anything. I just end up doing nothing

 No.302012

>>297753
I have found out eating 5-htp sometimes + consuming tyrosine-rich foods (kasha, bananas) helps me.


Context: seronotin is made of 5-htp in body

dopamine is made of

 No.302015

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>>297753
Amphetamines and cold showers

 No.302030

>>302012
>>302012
>dopamine is made of
tyrosine


also, I asked PerPLX AI to rework my text in "Crowdon Londoner" style:
Bruv, you know there’s bare tyrosine in bananas and buckwheat, innit? And listen — buckwheat porridge, slap a bit o’ gravy on, that hits different. Proper jokes though, ‘cause it’s like the stuff don’t even wanna be porridge in the first place!


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 No.299167[Reply]

It seems I have no other choice, unfortunately. Because of the lack of jobs where I live and my family now turning my life into hell because they openly despise me, I can't see any other way but to join the army and do at least one year of military service, given that it's the only job that practically always is open for literally anyone, and to get in you just have to want it.
I'm not even "patriotic" nor anything, I just want to leave my parents house and survive, also no, my country is thankfully not at war. Do we have any other wizards who are also considering joining the army?
34 posts and 3 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.300202

Planning on joining the USMC, same reason as you. Only difference is I don't think I'm smart enough to do anything else except be a grunt. I'd rather do it over Army Infantry because atleast I'd probably get deployed.

 No.300491

Entire military is a bunch of entitled wellfare kings

 No.301829

>>299901
It was the shittiest time of my life. I think if you’re on this website you’re not gonna fit in at all. If you’re going homeless or something it might be worth it but I dunno. I’m a nutcase after going through the navy.

 No.302028

>>299171

>Damn, im not OP but I alwasy wondered what the fuck goes through the head of people saying "they will take anyone in the army!" yeah and then theres people like you and probably me as well. I am not saying this with the intent of ofending you, since I included myself in that. Its just that I find it weird how some people can go through life, not be diagnosed as openly cognitively impaired, and yet still fail at a job where supposedly literally anyone can succeed.

>I know Id be kicked out from the army too

I think I would be just the guy to be "accused of SOMETHING SOMETHING" to due the part where I just can't think the way a regular normal dude from El Armpito does - which would lead to a) not understandig "normal" slang words; b) sticking out "like a sore thumb" due to my "smartassery", "smartypants" behaviour and c) "trying to look better than I am" complex" /wiz/ tier behaviour.


also d) not being able to laugh at jokes and pranks

 No.302360

>joining the army
I so much want to kill everyone who posts this crap in all kind of sites


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