/dep/ - Depression

I miss being a proper neet so much and im jealous of people who can be
I miss just being able to play some stupid game 12 hours a day and watch videos on the side
i still dont have friends or a gf so what am I doing
everything is worse
my body
my mind
my freedom

Was reading "Look Me in The Eye" and was inspired by the phrase, "He'll remember this when he's 40." What are those things that people said to you that you never forgot? Can be positive or negative, recent or distant past.

In 9th or 10th grade, a random succubus who wasn't even in my class said, "There's something wrong your shirt. Everytime I see you there's something wrong with you." I don't know why she was in my classroom, and I never saw her again afterwards. Of course I said nothing like a pathetic slave. They echo in my mind almost 10 years after.

When I was young I used to indulge in escapism by imagining a new life where everything goes right and I have no problems, but now when I think of it I simply see nothing. There is no possible path for things to go right, every single case and scenario would bring me to suffer.

I guess it's because I became more experienced and understood that everything has a counter-effect and that I was simply focusing on the things that happened to me. For example, I have very protective, obsessed and generally loser (in the normie sense) parents who were watching my every move and spoil me because to them I was the only thing that was validating their need to have a meaning. But even if I had paremts who let me do whatever I wanted, it still wouldn't have fixed my inner problems and all the change would have been swapping the surface problems for others.

At this point it's like a puzzle, trying to connect all the pieces in a way that everything would go smoothly. But even if I give myself endless liberty, like being born a billionaire with perfect health, I still can't solve it. In fact, I have come to the point of trying to change physical laws to see if it could work (not having to eat/sleep etc.) and I still can't do it. Existence is pain and pain is existence, it looks like. Truly, the perfect life is to never be born.

What do you guys think? Do you have an idea of a good life you could have been living if you rolled the dice the right way at birth?

I've seen this discussed in many threads so I made a thread for it. Many wizzies had had their life destroyed by psychiatric medication be it SSRI's, antipsychotics, benzodiazepines or others. A psych ward stay tends to leave you worse off. Some people get abused in psychiatric institutions. Mentioning you are sad and thinking about suicide to a doctor or nurse can get you forcefully restrained and tranquilised.
I'm suicidal but I avoid any medical help precisely for this reason.

My rooster that I've had for ten years, who I consider my best friend and love more than anyone else, died Wednesday night. He was my only friend. He lived in the house with me and was the only thing that would make me feel better when the rest of my life would weigh down on me. I would go hold him and the rest of life would disappear and that would be all that would matter. I keep forgetting now for a few moments, that I can't go see him and hold him anymore.

I have had depression for my whole life adolescence onward, and I was afraid even 5-6 years ago of this day and thought it would be unsurvivable, and now it's here, and I do want to die. I dont want to live in a world where he isn't here with me. The initial shock has worn off and it's sinking in that my best friend is gone, and I'm not going to see him again. My mother is the only other positive presence in my life, because she knew how much I love him. She has stage 4 cancer and it's still unclear if she's going to survive it or not. She's essentially the only reason why I have not shot myself already. She was never abusive or cruel to me, so I couldn't do that to her even though I don't want to live anymore.

Did you ever have an animal that meant this much to you? People are cruel and petty and small. If an animal loves you it's genuine, they dont have ulterior motives or social performance.

The day of Armageddon has inched towards me in just 2 hours. I completed a worthless degree in IT, by completed, I mean gave the final exams of the final semester just 2 hours ago, and I returned home, which is in a third world country. And the results are as I expected, as a matter of fact, when I came back I could literally feel the tension inside my house mounting.

I was expecting one day or another, for this to happen but it's surreal how quickly it has happened, my parents had a massively heated argument with me, and honestly, it took me a few years back when my parents used to abuse the hell out of me, I can for some reason, literally feel the terror of abuse in the lower half of my spine and in my kidneys.

The question is obvious, which is what will I do next? Because I am about to graduate completely unemployed, in this little third world country, and of course the parents aren't happy, as it is in the nature of everyone maybe mine as well to be pissed seeing a man wake up at 9AM and ask for breakfast, and take it back to the Air Conditioned room, the resentment is off the charts for obvious reason of what my parents would consider "stealing" from them because I am not paying back in any meaningful labour, seems like I will have to wake up at 6AM in the morning tomorrow and not use Air Conditioner at all.

It was honestly, a massive argument, I just few hours ago got back to my house from a scorching 42C temperature and now I am being cooked internally. At this point, I have started to prepare for the worst, any day in "my" house could be my last, I am trying to gather all the IDs, gather all the documents for eventual kick, and a kick in a country like this is extremely close to death. Certainly slightly different from other countries where you can live in your car, given that in this country the car ownership rate is 8%. So there goes living in a Honda Fit out of the Window.

I must get a job, I have tried getting a job online, from microtasks, to annotation for OneForma, to trying to act like an agent for PornStars online, to chat on their behalf, and I have earned no more and no less than 0 in any currency of this planet. The jig is coming to an end. While I am not familiar with the thoughts of life in the Christian Theology because I wasn't born in a Christian Family, but my Judgement, rather Execution is near. Fuck me. There is very real chance that I will have to take a permanent dip into a Holy River. I meaPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

I have become increasingly depressed at the state of discourse about almost any subject. Look at the opinions of most people and discuss their reasoning with them; they do not really have reasons based on experience or logic. They are just saying things they think are normal to say. They imitate others. They understand the world through memes. Zero actual curiosity or critical thinking skills when it comes to discussion of politics/culture/history/science/art. Everyone just parrots what they think others think. They think in memes. Partly to fit in and achieve social acceptance and partly just monkey see monkey do like a child or animal.

Democracy is a failure because most people have no idea what they are voting for or what the consequences will be. They just follow the cultural memes. The internet has exacerbated this. Most people’s political views or views on the culture are just glorified SIX SEVEN repetitions - people have no good justification for any of the ideas they follow.

It might sound arrogant and supercilious to say these things. I worry that I am not that different and I just copy things sometimes by instinct. Makes me wonder if the self even fucking exists and we are just biological self replicating robots copying things.

Depressing. Enraging.

always no matter what happens set backs always set me back. and my goals arent that fucking unreasonable either. Change my habits, or enjoy a fucking game. and something major happens to set me back. not only am I scared to change im exausted about constantly being worried about what price im about to pay for that slight moment of enjoyment. its like the default setting for me in this life is to be miserable and useless, anything good going for me has to be double the price of bad luck to throw me back to square one. Nothing but bad luck. im just so frustrated.

I know there’s nothing wrong with me. I’m perfect. I’m skinny, kind, and thoughtful. But the isolation from everyone around me has been getting to me. Nobody has ever put effort into me. I changed my style just to receive barely any compliments, then proceeded to get ignored by everyone. No whore has ever thought of me as a man. They’re gross creatures who look at me and think I’m homosexual. I’m not. Just because I look like a slut doesn’t mean I am one. Then I am being secluded for not being manly enough. other male seems to think of me as one of them either, shouldn’t I be given respect from my fellow peers and colleagues?

Might just be one of the myriad of things from health issues to shit life syndrome, but I've been thinking maybe my small living space is affecting me.

Still live "at home" in a flat with my mom at 30, my room is 2.5m x 5m so 12.5 square meters. (134.549 ft²american)
With all the furniture I have a usable space of about 0.8m x 3m maybe, so less than 3sqm. (25.833 ft²)
Spend all day sitting at my desk anyways so whatever.

Been wondering if maybe this tiny space is part of the reason why I just don't do anything.
Do any of you have experience with living in a small space for a decade+?