/dep/ - Depression

Would they? I've been thinking.

My mom is already LDAR'ing due to the debt and she's already lost one child, so I think either by suicide or stress she would die. My dad? He didn't seem to care that much when my stepbro died, but I am his firstborn. I don't know really. My little brother would probably just turn into me. That's my only concern. Everyone else, would cry for a day maybe.

I feel like I just want to die, I've already prepared a rope for tomorrow, I hate this life, I really want to die, i can suicide tommorow, Goodbye.

This is my life, I can't take it anymore. Being unemployed for too long has made me depressed and crazy, just busy blaming others, spending time in front of my phone and computer screen. Bro, I'm going to die at home with my crazy parents who keep blaming me. I can't even die, it's so hard to find a job. I don't know what else to do. I want to die but I don't want to kill myself, I'm too scared to do it. In junior high, I thought the bullying and demands for school fees were the worst things I've ever experienced until I went crazy and thought about killing myself. But it turns out, being unemployed now is much worse than I thought, especially with crazy parents who keep blaming me every day until I want to die. Maybe financially I'm still supported by my parents, but mentally I'm a mess. I want to go crazy but I can't. The world seems to be holding me back, right? If I apply for a job and act crazy at work, the world will definitely hold me back, just like when I was in high school, I acted crazy as if someone was holding me back from acting crazy. I can't stand it anymore, I'm going to be wild and crazy hahahaha damn damn damn this world, I want to scream HUAAAHH… When I was in high school I was treated special by my friends at school but because of that I was also hated because they were ENVY of me who was liked by all my friends, unlike when I was in junior high where I was bullied and demands for school fees and in high school I deliberately gave a speech about covid 19 so that I would be evil, when I was in kindergarten I gave a monster speech so it seemed like there was something that fit with it and sure enough in high school those who thought I was evil and those who were jealous saw me get opportunities and I was pushed aside and now I've graduated from school and am unemployed with crazy parents and I'm going crazy, if this world thinks I'm evil and everyone thinks I'm evil why not, if I'm considered stupid and weird why don't I accept it all I'm evil, stupid, weird, and i deserved it. I watched a gore documentary and it turns out there are people who are more evil than me because I am evil because of Covid 19, and I am afraid of killers, but strangely, when I was in high school, there was a murder case and the trial never ended, 8 month case and strangely, the trial was over the next day when I gave a speech in class when I was in high school and now I have graduated and am unemployed.

People with suicidal ideation tend to put blame on themselves, whereas people who don't tend to blame others. Where do you redirect your pain?

I'm not sure if people who are suicidal are fearful of life or hateful of it. I think hating it has an element of arrogance like 'only if x didn't happen,' only if y didn't do it to me.' It's as if they're indirectly saying that they could be better if certain circumstances didn't happen. Doesn't that point to the idea that the person is inherently competent but those external circumstances made them fail? I believe I don't fall into this line of reasoning. I believe I'd fail if I were put in another person's shoes. I'd still fail if all the opportunities in the world were present to me. There's a birth defect in me. I can't stay committed to anything, not my friends, not my job, not anything. I treat others like shit because I am one myself. I put the guilt on myself. Suicidal and depressed people who put the blame on others seem like a walking paradox. I decided to make this post after observing some of what the anons here have said. Everyone seems to have an infirectly positive outlook on themselves

new internet of over 10 yrs now… is it me or there is nothing left to talk about?

I just want to vent my frustration here. Why is it that when I’m hated and constantly treated like trash and a loser by everyone they suddenly act sweet toward me? If I’m truly loathed and viewed as nothing more than garbage and a failure, why do those hypocrites act so nice? I don’t mind being seen that way, but when they suddenly soften their attitude, it feels incredibly hypocritical. Why do they suddenly act kindly? If you hate me, then hate me don't hold back, just hate me fully. Its infuriating. Don't try to soften a heart that has already been wounded by a million pains it only adds to my suffering.

I love wizchan because it is the only place where you can be pro-suicide without getting banned or exposed or criminalized, I feel like the whole internet has been psychiatrized

Do you think suicide hotlines are helpful? I have been calling them almost everyday without anything improving.
Is there a better alternative?

Looking for some feedback on if the process in this picture would work, and what gas would be needed.

I'm very depressed and I will also develop chaos in my mind so I don't care about everyone anymore and I will destroy everything why should I be a fool who can only blame myself while others can be happy without being able to feel how crazy this world is I will destroy everything and if this world ends and everything is destroyed then I will be a living witness that I am the one who knows how cruel this world is and how unfair all of this is everyone everything everything must have an end if it doesn't end then I will always be in hell or at least be locked up as rotting flesh