No.223048
>>221994They told me to "take baby steps" which I did indeed do. Then they moved me to the middle of nowhere and fucked all my progress. I was studying for IT shit and there are no tech jobs here. I would have to travel 300 miles to be somewhere relevant for that to pay off and there is no work for home with out at least bare minimum 2 years experience. Even then its rare.
Then they told me I could just inherit their shit heap house and sell that to move somewhere relevant again. Turns out they owe about what the house is worth so I would be lucky to walk away with even 20k after real estate fees and shit. Hell that is being optimistic probably would break even or just a few thousand. Since it would likely take months to sell the dump. to save money I would have to go maximum Jew and cut expenses big time. Like no or very little electricity use and just enough heat for the pipes not to freeze. Getting hand outs or eating out of trash bins that kinda shit.
The sad part is those fuckers actually believe their own lies. They are not copes to give me false hope its their own false hope being handed down to me. Its frankly insulting they think I am dumb enough to believe it. When I called them out on their bullshit they pretended to acknowledge at first then went right back to believing their same copes.
Now whenever they toss this false hope at me the minute the conversation starts I just start thinking "why do you need to come with these bullshit lies." I am not asking for advice or shit from them anymore.
Sorry for the rant but its all so tiresome even making this post I can feel my blood pressure raising.
No.223049
>>222219>>222558the funny thing about this shit is the moment you hear that bullshit its likely already too late. Unless your still in high school maybe. But anyone 25 plus your fucking done.
No.223172
"you are so good with computers"
Being better than someone who can barely turn on tv doesnt make me "good"
No.223174
>>223172Yeah, I get a lot of this too. One thing I regret is having any intellectual interests, since that leads to people having an overly inflated opinion of your abilities and then if you fail at something useful, it's because you're lazy instead of just intellectually impaired.
There are tons more normgroids who have basic surface level nerd interests who are engineers/software/etc. and whatnot. None of them give a fuck about Schopenhauer or world history.
No.223175
>>223174>The name the doctors give these things. "antidepressants" is the biggest false marketing in existence, they are trash, they won't help you if you are truly depressed and in a shit situation, they'll just make you feel wrong because your emotions won't line up with what's real. The end goal of all antidepressants is to destroy your ability to have dynamic emotion in favor of keeping you at a baseline feeling of apathy.Yeah, that living in a lie is the worst side of that.
No.223162
>>223149The rich and powerful have moved on to using more subtle forms of control and force than the outright violence of the feudal era. Basically they just set up reward systems that benefit their goals and spread propaganda to influence society. Outright violence being rare and completely rejected as a moral evil is actually more beneficial to the ruling class than the fear generated by public punishment or torture was. Today’s ruling class is mostly invisible, and doesn’t have to fear a public uprising. Also through mass surveillance and use of intelligence agencies, anyone who is an actual threat to the system can either be killed or bribed, and anyone who is too antisocial can be put in prison (and forced to work for free labor). The whole ideology behind today’s liberal society: “everything is permitted, everyone is equal, just don’t do anything to upset the people who own all the property”
No.223163
>>222844Same. Nocturnal emissions are the fucking worst, there's nothing as humiliating as waking up with wet underwear and having to clean the semen out of my pubes.
No.223164
>>223099why are they importing immigrants then?
No.223165
>>223164Immigration pushes up land values and devalues labour; immigrants vote for big-government types that tax labour more heavily and issue mountains of regulations that drive out less-capitalised or less-connected businesses; and the presence of immigrants makes society more atomised and people organising for their own interest more difficult. In general it makes rich people better off in every way.
No.223171
>>223164which ones? in terms of shitwork, immigrants who do it have no real expectations of a comfortable lifestyle since they're from de facto warzones or unemployed people who can no longer subsistence farm in their home countries. the work they do is stuff the kids who grow up wanting to be professionals or youtubers or rappers don't want do.
in terms of higher skilled work, it's a huge bonus for employers since they can get the most well-educated people from india/china/etc. without investing much in them. not having to train anyone is a huge profit boost.
No.222992
>>222986No, it's an even longer con. They try over and over and then succeed but it still doesn't make them happy or fulfilled and this is a bigger blow than just being an inferior loser, to make them realize life is completely worthless even with achievements and relative superiority to your peers.
Muahahahahahhaah!
No.223056
>>222992That's diabolical.
No.223144
>>221369You should write a book or something, i enjoyed reading that somehow.
No.223158
>>222992If I improved, I'd still see it as better than being an inferior loser even if life still pointless regardless. There's a lot to be said for having earned self-esteem.
That said, I still don't believe in this producing improvements, especially given I'm not neurotypical and I imagine many of the most lethargic wizards aren't just unmotivated average or higher IQ people.
No.223071
Congrats, anon. You live with your parents and you going to tell your winning with them?
No.223081
>>223070I'll give you a hint. It's something wet and warm and smells good :)
No.223082
>>223081can you give some more hints
No.223084
>>223081you're gonna get some witch pussie like a true wizchad?
No.223087
>>222528 you will very quickly realize that this is a waste of money
No.222968
>>222964Congrats wizzy. Can't wait for covid shit to calm down and get something.
No.223072
>>216694I tried KFC in a baltic country and it was disgusting, very different to other places ive had it. Food seems to get worse as you go to cheaper countries, even in supermarkets
No.223078
No I'm vegan. Fast food and animal products are for demonic normgroids.
No.223083
>>223078No you're a troll faggot and each of your posts are fucking obvious when i scroll /all/
No.222440
I used to get that a lot. I usually take HOT baths and apply lots of anti itch cream. It didn't stop it entirely but it's way better than before. Again, if this doesn't really help maybe a doctor is the best bet
No.222454
I scratched my leg and picked scabs until it got infected and wept fluid for a few months and the infection got to my lungs and I thought I was dying from my heart pain. Got it fixed and took antibiotics, but you know what, I'm still scratching the leg and think it's reinfected just not bad enough to refuse to heal and weep like last time.
If you can look into the CBT shit for itching and excoriation disorder to get help. It only gets worse if you keep going, took like 8 years of picking my legs until they got infected and then another year before it got bad. Try to stop early with behaviour modification.
No.222482
>>222066Inspect your bed and room for bedbugs.
If you have them, good fucking luck getting rid of them.
No.222993
Have you considered that maybe, instead of it being caused by your anxiety, both your itching and anxiety have a common cause? It could be the case, some kind of physical ailment that causes both.
No.222645
>>222408Im very drunk right now so sorry if I dont make much sense but recntly I dreamt that I were on a game show and had to choose between a car (BMW 328i) a house and something I dont remember. Dont know what it means but that was my most recent drean
No.222646
>>222645There might be a choice of consideration you have to do, what to do with you savings. Buy your dream car(?) or your house, or- (?). You cant get all of them, you have to pick right now. But heck do i know? Dreams are you unconscious that shows itselfs as symbols and signs.
No.222659
>>222646>Dreams are you unconscious that shows itselfs as symbols and signs.I think people mostly just want to think this because that would make them actually useful. In my experience as someone that dreams pretty much daily, dreams are largely just visual chaos built off of whatever is in there in your head. It's still a reflection of what's going on in your mind, but the reflection is rarely something you can just translate into some clear cut sentence like "anxiety for the future." Your consciousness is never that one-note.
Usually the most valid thing you can get is the base emotions. Sadness, frustration, anxiety. And then if you want you can make up a reason that would make you feel those that's currently relevant. However I can completely guarantee you it's not necessary for you to have a cause for anxiety in your waking life to experience anxiety in your sleep, so this type of reason construction is largely arbitrary and you don't need a dream as excuse.
No.222731
>>222659I don't agree, I do see dreams as part of your unconcious mind trying to express sides of yourself throught dreams. I been reading Carl Jungs, 'Man and his symbols' and belive it be a great book just about dreams. Ive aplied some of this thought onto mind and think i seen some more insight in my own mind after reading it.
Let me tell you about my dream i just had.I dreamt about that i was sitting at an arena/forest in the middle of the night. watching something. People around me started getting afraid but not me, I wasnt sure. I jumped between seats and realized that they were afraid of a invisible monster, and it was hunting me cause i had a Yellow banan in my hand.
I woke up once the invisible monster(my deepest thoughts) caught me. ive kind of a suppresed a sexual desire (banan) which ive hidden within me that only i know of, the audice(arena) would dissprove of these thoughts if they were to come out. Also the dream took place in a forest- meaning that I personally are ok with it, but the arena(the people) are not, which. I feel very calm and relaxed in daytime in the woods, but the dream was also nighttime, meaning i was less calm and relaxed.
eitherway, this getting long, i can go more details or whatever.
No.222991
Sometimes I like to daydream about turning into a ghost and just floating past everyone unnoticed.
But mostly I stick to mundane matters like being able to move away from this place and live in a cosy, secluded place with practically no contact with the outside world, whiling away my time studying just for my own personal enjoyment and tending a garden.
I also daydream about having a body that doesn't hurt most of the time but that's not really as nice.
No.218136[Reply]
Everywhere I go I feel like the most sad and pathetic guy around,it's been like that for my whole life,when I was a kid I saw my classmates and family achieving things and having success,but I didn't achieved anything,they were having fun and enjoying life while I couldn't,then at school everyone was richer,more handsome and much more mentally sane than me,I was always the poor one,the ugly one,the autist,all my life filled with envy and anxiety,desiring what others have but I can't,even in places that are supposedly designed for people like me like wizchan I feel inferior to everyone else,other wizards seem to have hobbies,money (from NEETbux or stocks or whatever) good things going in their lives,while I have nothing of that,everywhere I go I see people who are far more fortunate than I will ever be,this is hell,I was born in a christian family and people were always trying to convince me that hell was a horrible place full of suffering but you know what? This life is far worse than any christian hell,A life where you are denied of everything that you enjoy,everything that makes you human while you see literally everyone around you having the time of their lives,if this isn't the most fucked up torture ever designed then I don't know what this is.
I wouldn't desire this kind of life to my worst enemy,no one deserves to live like this.
23 posts and 3 image replies omitted. Click reply to view. No.222892
>>220621I enjoyed this post.
No.222893
>>220621> sealing entire sections of space away from everything else and disguising them as patches of void; it is thought that, if you cross such voids, you'll just get on the other side of the light cone in the space axis,Can you explain more about how to locate these places wiz?
No.222950
>>220621The first major paragraph of your post was really well put. It's the truth of course, but a very bitter and painful truth. Having it be articulated really only serves as an exclamation point about how miserable everything is and how, by and large, it'll never be anything else. In your case, it seems like you can manage to still fill the void with a lot of solitary "weeb" activities. I personally don't care for that sort of thing and have very little, to no alternatives for anything else, which puts me in a pretty tough predicament.
>Imageboards are forbidden, even lurking them.>I don't know why I still come to them every few months. It's maddeningDamn straight. And this place is honestly no exception to that. Like you said, the best thing anyone here could do for the sake of their own well being is limit their exposure to the internet as much as possible, especially in regards to anonymous social media websites filled mostly with trolls, morons and LARPers like this one, with sincere users like yourself being the rare, and I mean
rare exception. Even a post like yours though, while kind of rambly and all over the place, is still quite well written and relatable, yet it ultimately only makes me feel worse, since the bottom line is that, yeah everything sucks, and there's no out way from the horror show, save for waiting for it to be over, while hopefully having some obscure interest that still occupies you to make the wait not so excruciating, or simply putting a hot piece of lead through your head to expedite the process.
No.222958
The worst part is that it is not possible to just become a neet, instead I am forced to get a fucking job.
I have the feeling that having a job will finish my will to live, I don't think I will be able to deal with the pressure of being a member of a productive team.
No.222981
I hate that everything I do or don't do just reminds me of how inferior I am and how futile it is to even try.
No.222827[Reply]
Been feeling bad lately. I've been feeling great like never before for more than 20 days straight. And I had a nightmare, and I can't snap out of it and here I am back to normal. Dreams are important to me, I have vivid dreams every night, they're a big source of introspection. Last night I dreamed I was back in school, drugged and wasted out of my mind. And I left my classroom to look for some liquor, and someone approached me telling me I was kicked and that I was betraying myself for relapsing. And I got mad and screamed "you don't know me, you have no right to tell me anything, you don't know how it feels". I got so mad that shit woke me up.
And here I am. "It was just a dream, I haven't relapsed back". Then I remember why I'm clean, I got scared last time I ODed. I don't want any change or improvement, I don't care about that shit, I'm just scared of taking another dose. I don't care about dying from OD, I will die someday; the OD itself is very painful, it's like being waterboarded for hours non-stop. And you're still alive, "I made it alive", but you can't get that overdose from your head. And it happens again, and again, and again.
I don't even know what to say or ask, only I can help myself and I'm not even willing to commit to that long term because I just want to die but I'm too scared of death itself. I got a strong survival instinct, if I pass out I just get into recovery position automatically. I fucking hate this, I feel genuine love to substances, the only thing I truly love. And this only brings harms and death. And I don't mind about that, but I can't avoid being scared as fuck. I can't even sleep because I hate dreaming. Can't even cry, I was about to shed some tears and I just told myself "you're not a pussy, why should you cry like the last hundred times?".
2 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view. No.222834
Dog just had a big seizure, dog has been having non-stop seizures. I really love my dog. Parents are taking her to dog ER. I hate parents obviously for obvious reasons. I can't handle this shit. Tomorrow I relapse, preferably I could OD again.
Thank you for letting me blogspot WIZmoot, you're the king.
If this the beginning of the end, I loved you all and genuinely loved this place. If I'm gone, I really wish no other wizards suffer ever again, I wish you all have fulfilling lives. I tried but failed miserably.
I really love music. I love this songs, it reminds me of death and this place. I regret I could never get good at the piano. That's my biggest regret in life, never having the chance to play instruments that don't look like guitars. Could never get into brass, or piano, or bowed instruments.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nv2GgV34qIg No.222836
So first time I had a drink, I was probably 6 years old, only child. We had this big family reunion, my parents were "young" and had a "big nice family". All my uncles and aunts were young. My grandma was still alive, my oldest uncle was still alive (dad's oldest brother). My dad was very attached to them, more than me and mom, and he always made sure we were aware of that.
Grandma handed me a drink with the blessing of my parents, something innocent, no bad intention. It was a punch with a fuckton of tutti frutti, ginger ale and rum. This was forbidden, my parents made sure I knew that. But I enjoyed it and drinked as much as I could. This "alcohol" thing was magic.
I'm a kid. At this point there's still some hope and light in my eyes, despite being abused by both parents since I can recall. I have a scar below my eye, mom still tells me to this day that I injured myself. I know she either hit me with an object or throw me into a sharp corner.
No.222838
I was a sick child. I had this thing called purpura plus asthma. I always had bruises over my body for no apparent reason. Can't tell if parents were trying to conceal abuse with lies, or if I was genuinely sick. They still ended up removing my spleen when I was like 6. This was in the 90s. I still remember, they put me with the other kids that were dying of cancer, I've never forgotten that. Probably most kids that were with me there died.
Probably here they gave me a fuckton of drugs and I obviously don't remember what I was given because I'm a kid. So I'm a sick child, got a fuckton of allergies, turns out I'm allergic to aspirin and NSAIDs. So if I had pain they gave me prescription painkillers instead. Through the years I learned this was supposed to make you "high", that mixing it with alcohol was lethal. I kept reading about people dying of overdoses and I'm still a kid and I think to myself "how can these people just die like that". I eventually started hoarding the painkillers however I could, and took more dosages than intended. This never became a habit though, it was just something I did three to five times a year.
So I'm not even 10, I already know alcohol and painkillers make me feel good. Still got a whole life ahead of me, parents will stop fighting, parents will stop hitting each other, parents will stop hitting me. Dad got me a computer, taught me how to download emulators and games. I didn't even speak english at all and I loved this shit. I fucking loved Pokemon Yellow, I was a complete idiot and couldn't get past the first gym because Pikachu is electric-type and Brock was rock/ground and I was too dumb to get more pokemons. Got a whole life ahead of me, I'm fine with my videogames, don't need anyone else, things will get better.
No.222839
Never really had friends growing up, I hanged out with people but we weren't friends and I was constantly reminded I was the weird one. I had many crushes, I constantly fell in love as a kid until my teens. I was annoying to be honest.
Fast forward to my preteens and teens, I keep saving money to buy alcohol whenever I can. This is when alcohol became a commodity for me, I constantly desired it, it made me feel good. I was a straight A students and did sports but I never got attached to anyone. I just wanted to be alone and I desperately desired attention and company at the same time. By this point I've been taking a fuckton of psychiatric meds and I'm self aware of my "depression".
By this time I'm 15 and I'm constantly seeking alcohol, and I mix it with painkillers whenever I can. Still not a habit, it's just a special occassion like christmas. Got a whole life ahead on me, I'm not even an "adult", things will improve, parents will stop screaming at me and hitting me. I'll be a turbonormalfag when I grow up and make a family and all that shit.
What pisses me the most, I always had visible scars and bruises in my face and body. Adults saw this, no one ever batted an eye. Only once a teacher took me to the principal because of bruises and I was crying the whole way.
Last time I got hit by mom I was 14 in 9th grade. I got a bad grade, she threw me into her bed, buried her nails straight into my face, started punching me in the face, broke my lip, forgot to take her ring, some punches cut my face (nothing that required stitches though). Mom stops hitting me, everything will improve, got a whole life ahead of me, I'm not even an adult, things will get good when I become an adult right?
No.222840
I turn 18 after graduating from high school. By this point I'm officially an adult and everything is supposed to get better. I'm a poor third-wordler so I get a job right away, paid for my own university and everything.
This is when things permanently took a turn for the worse. I started spending all my money on alcohol, drank wherever I wanted to. Got my first black-out at 18. The relationship with my parents got worse. Mom was constantly telling me to leave home and not return, dad was constantly telling me I'm an asshole for not being normal like him. I had money so I started getting hand on other things whenever I could. I told myself "I don't need this shit", left when I was 21. So basically this is it:
>18, already know alcohol and painkillers, get hooked on both
>20, start smoking weed, taking ritalin for wagecuck job and doctors gave me a benzo before a surgery that was cancelled
>21 hooked on ritalin, can't live without it. Genuinely helps me study and function. Start living by myself
>22 use all days all day long, I'm aware I'm a fiend. Get hooked on benzos too.
>23 first two ODs, ended up psychotic for a week, got taken to a third world psych ward. Involuntarily medicated. Jump from place to place. Two suicide attempts that failed miserably. OD on cocaine, almost had a heart attack, end up in ER. End up in ER multiple times.
>24 return to live with parents for a while. OD more times but I don't care. Parents see I'm a full blown alcoholic/addict
>25 living by myself again, everything is considerably worse
>26 virus shit happen, go back to living with parents temorarily. Have probably second worse OD ever, right next to parents.
And here I am. I read all this shit and I can't even pity myself. Call me a normie and tell me I'm a faggot.