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Does anyone remember the story of Livecorpse: the flash animator from Newgrounds who killed himself in 2004? I don't know why but I just randomly thought about it today. Here's the link to his email he posted before he killed himself.



I remember reading that yers, possibly 15 years ago, but reading it now, I get him. I hope he found peace.


And here I though Kurt Cobain's note had something to think about.

I myself also used to have that survival of the fittest mentality, but I also didn't know what I wanted even as I took it away from someone the same way I tried to give it back: by force.

(since we're always learning, I didnt know I brought a knife to an expensive water gun fight).

That's why although it's a kids movie, the message in that whole circle of life song by Mr. John speaks the truth:

"Some say eat or be eaten
Some say live and let live
But all are agreed as they join the stampede
You should never take more than you give"

I too hope Mr. Fulton is at peace. It does suck that even in 2004 they wouldn't have been as understanding towards him as they would be now given the mental disorders he mentioned (or maybe they still wouldn't, what do I know anymore either?).

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Hello board. I dont mean to bother anyone, but id like to know if anyone has any experience with water/poison hemlock. Every resource brags about Socrates like they are the first to notice this "interesting fact" but no one specifies what sort of drink he used. Many say that they failed to game end themselves after trying to ingest parts of hemlock. I dont want to make any mistakes and end up a cripple here.
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Poison sucks. It hurts like hell and there's big chance you might live long enough to actually be found unless you yourself can't bear the pain and go then remain a veggie or half-veggie.

There's literally no easy way to commit suicide. The best kind of death is not the fast or painless but the unexpected one and those rare like having something heavy accidentally dropped on you, or get decapitated in a typhoon or tornado from debris, stray gunfire or explosions, hit by a speeding truck etc


>or involve illegal activities
Heroin is out of the question then. Honest to god fentanyl is the greatest way to kill yourself. I accidentally ODed on a literal very small amount of fent and don't recall anything after inhaling it until I was revived.



>I need something simple. Something that wont bother anyone or involve illegal activities.
Try nitrogen asphyxiation. If you're willing to travel, you could also go to Mexico and do some pentobarbital, as it can be bought over the counter.


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Read pic related

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Talent isn't just a pursued interest. It's an inherent advantage to pursue an interest successfully.
Some people will improve 100x faster than others, while having the same ambition and practice. That's what having talent means.

And most of us have goals that just require you to improve that much. They can't be achieved without talent.

Of course, I'm not saying you can't get better at whatever you're trying to do. Maybe if you practice hard, every day for years, MAYBE you can get to the point where talented people were when they were 12.

It also took me a while to get out of the mindset that I can achieve anything I want if I just try really hard.
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Just from observation here is my conclusion on what talent is:

1. The most important part: intrinsic motivation and a love for the process. When talking about talent a lot of times people say something like "talent doesn't matter you just have to put in the hours". But what they are missing is that the ability to put in the hours into practice effortlessly is part of the talent. As is starting early. Someone who started when they were 10 has by the young age of 20 already 10 years of practice in. Starting early is something you have no control over. You can't go back in time and you could not have forced yourself to be interested in something. But being able to practice when your mind is still young and when you have no responsibilities is very valuable.

2. An intuition for the learning process. When you learn it's important to do it deliberately and to challenge yourself. Someone without talent might doodle the same things with the same techique for 10 years and never progress. Someone with talent however will on their own learn the way others can only learn taught by a good teacher.

3. Creativity. All the skill in the world won't bring you far if you can't stand out. I think creativity can be improved with techniques and by learning more about the field of your interesting but ultimately I think it's set.

No one will read this and I guess its common sense so whatever


A jack of all nothing is a master of nothing


It's crazy, and people like my dad will look at me who spends, lets say, 100 hours on something. He would have an angry tirade that I'm not as good as another person who spent the same amount of time. Good example is driving. I progress very slowly in terms of practical skill and confidence yet my female cousin was a natural and he screamed at me for it, while I was in busy traffic mind you.


Don't let this discourage you, but my experience was that talent is virtually meaningless. Connections are paramount. Otherwise it's a lottery.


I believe the "talent" that Bob Ross is refering is the capacity of making a competent drawing, skills like this considered as "talent" for misinformed people.

Reiterating his quote:
>outcome is a product of pursued interest. In other words, anything that you're willing to practice, you can do

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People die when they no longer breathe and when they are forgotten. But when I was little and went through hard times (like any aspie) I always told myself that this life was just going to get itself over with. Meaning that all the weight of the pressure and emotional pain gave me no reason to look forward to the future, even if I was alive throughout it or not. Granted that I wanted amnesia throughout my childhood the same way I wanted suicide throughout my adolescence and early adulthood to help me get rid of these heavily bad memories if I had too many to recover from them.

But with so little to look forward to, I felt that I had already died on an emotional and spiritual level if I didn't even want to think. Can you imagine that? Being in so much emotional and mental pain that you shut out your ability to think or even feel because it's simply not worth it anymore for too many bad reasons?

I'm preaching to the choir, I know, it's just that too many things are forced in this life to even consider it little more than a spectator sport, especially when even THAT is forced too.
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What do you mean?


2016 was the year I was hacked, fell into the worst depression of my life, and had to abandon personal projects dating back to 2012 (2010 in terms of thesis) because people who disliked a certain artist I thought was ok thought mimicking him in a worse manner on my passions was supposed to make HIM look bad.


I think I've red your thread, I'm sorry.


Happy 18th birthday, op.


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Even though I'm almost 30, I can't let go of the resentment toward my mom. I tried to read many online posts on forgiveness, but it's difficult. My mom was old and poor (40+, welfare) when she had me with a 40+ year old, short (5'1"), ugly (100% Jew), poor (homeless living in a tent), sociopath (killed small animals for fun, abusive etc). Not only was I screwed genetically, but I grew up poor and isolated in a dysfunctional "home" in the countryside (Would have been nice if not for my mom). My mom became a single mom due to her terrible choice in partner. I wasn't fed proper meals or even taught to brush my hair. I became isolated from peers from a young age. There was no public transportation, I relied on my mom. There was no extended family (they are also crazy though), nobody. I became isolated from my peers early on because I couldn't even discuss tv shows (we didn't have tv) and had holes in my clothing.

When I should have been learning and enjoying childhood, I was cleaning around my mom's hoard (hoarder) and trying to cook for myself. If I tried to pile her garbage from the floor she would screech at me for hours that I threw something out (even if I didn't). She would follow me around the house screaming at the top of her lungs, knowing there were no neighbors to witness her behavior. Once some neighbors walked by and saw the hoard, threatening to call CPS. I wish they had. At least once per week since 1st grade my mom would scream that if I didn't go to college, I'd end up like my father. I finally chose to study Computer Science, but she yelled at me for months until her voice gave out to choose Business. When I tried to discuss Marketing she physically attacked me. I was too isolated and brainwashed to go against her. She hadn't even saved for my college, I'm now $20,000 in debt.

As I said, I'm almost 30. There were times I thought of writing a cooking blog, but her hoarder house background was too disgusting for photos. Many times I wanted to learn new skills, and I would actively be learning when she would slam my door open (she cut a hole in it to remove the lock) and scream in my face when there was a bug infestation or other hoarder issue. Despite being a terrible mother, she bragged to everyone that she was amazing. People didn't realize I was quiet not because I was well-behaved, but because I was scared. In college, I spent my vacations cleaning her house without throwing any of her junk out. She would scream at me whePost too long. Click here to view the full text.
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I don't think I resent my parents. I don't even know if I should.
Obviously given how I turned out one might expect that they fucked something up, but since I have no idea at all what they did wrong I can't really feel angry.
When I look back it just seems like my parents were completely average. I can't see any argument for blaming them that I turned out how I did.


Your story is incredibly similar to my own, it's almost scary. I was also raised by a narcissistic mother. In my case, however, my mother was very non-confrontational, and possibly the most insecure human being that I've ever met. I was pulled away from my fraternal grandparents, whom she mooched off of until I turned seven, and I wouldn't see them again until I turned 21. They were the only family I knew, and she took me away from them while her first husband (my father) was locked up. We moved to the countryside, where I lived the rest of my childhood feeling neglected and ignored.

My mother go remarried to a manlet purely for security. She married a man who worked seven days a week, but because neither of them had any financial sense, they didn't save the money. My mother drove a new car, and wore nice jewelry, but I was forced to sleep on a dirty, old mattress on the floor, and pile my clothes next to it. My mother didn't care if I went to college. We didn't talk about my future. We didn't really talk about anything. However, whenever something good happened to me, she would take the credit, parading me around like a show pony to her terrible friends.

I'm almost 30, but I still have no degree, no career, and no girlfriend. I'm working on getting a TESL at the moment so I can teach English overseas. I've never been able to see a counselor simply because I cannot afford it, and I'm living in a rundown crack house in order to save money. (I don't do drugs). I'm depressed. I'm borderline suicidal. I don't want to work as a goddamn English teacher for the rest of my life, but I have no choice. My mother took away my childhood, and there's nothing I can do about it. I have no friends or close family to depend on.

In a nutshell, I went from being a social pariah, the neighborhood weirdo, to being a complete failure as an adult. I have bad credit. Bad teeth. I'm underweight and depressed. I was even homeless for a stint. I sometimes daydream about overcoming my sad, lonely childhood, and all the obstacles it presented, but I'm not stupid. It would take an incredible amount of work, patience, and luck, and I'm afraid I don't have that in me. I guess I'll wageslave until it's time to call it quits.

Best of luck, friend.


At least you have something to inherit. My mother's been remarried so many times, and is living in a house that belongs to her current husband's parents, it will be a miracle if I get anything.


Ill never forgive my parents either. Mostly because not only did they screw me over they did it repeatedly in the same damn way even after I made them understand how they were screwing me they did it again anyway. Then they had the gall to try and guilt trip me for not being my dad's care giver while he is undergoing treatment for cancer. literally expecting me after moving away with nothing but the clothes on my back and my shitty 13 year old car to go be my dad's caregiver in a different city for over a 100 days losing both my job and my home for their fucking sake. I already thew my life away twice for those fuckers I am not doing it a third time because he is too cheap to pay the 10k for his own medical care.

Tried to threaten me by saying they would write me out of the damn will and I told them to shove the will up their fucking ass.


single dad with emotional issues, beat and neglected me. transformed from a decent extroverted kid to this monster, i think about that sometimes, i was that little shithead ruining it for everyone else. so needless to say i didnt like the world or other people and lived like that til now, on inertia you know. now im old and my body is falling apart, didnt do shit with my life and it'll all end with a lonely suicide by hanging or whatever.

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How to get rid of the materialism that comes with selling your workforce
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>20 vehicles
>Well this just feels like unjustified resentment towards wizards with jobs. If you want material things, too, you could get a job, you know. Or apply for bux.


>20 vehicles

What did he mean by that?


I have a job and more money that I need. I have no idea what to do with those savings. It's a nice security but that's it and if something bad happens it will be gone very soon anyway.

This is the problem here. Materialism is coping and I think it's not very durable.


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Nothing is durable, live in the moment.


I think it's not much different from eating compulsively. You feel like shit after a day of work, you're even deader, and you get invaded by thoughts of buying things to feel better, "fullfill yourself" or whatever.

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To all depressed wizards, have you considered and attempted detachment?

"The root of suffering is attachment".
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Good point.

I've read books and studied many of the things I talk about, but it's hard to get in a situation where I actually feel like spending the time to write a detailed post about something.


That is because we expect others to be acquainted with the material, and if they are not, to become acquainted by themselves.


guru syndrome can affect anyone


Did you read the textboard thread too?


Yes. Then people realize i was actually becoming happy and free from the evils of worldiness and they came over me into full force brainwashing me

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She's the one who raised me. Obviously I've thought about suicide before but now that this nightmare is happening I feel like there's not a single reason to keep breathing after she dies. Hasn't even happened yet but this dread I feel is enough to make life intolerable, can't even think about anything else or have any hopes for the future. Can barely even talk to her without crying.


spend as much time as you can now


Agreed with anon above me.
Stay strong, OP. At least, stay strong for her.


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Don't let your anger or anything makes you do something you might regret later, once someone is gone all you have left are memories and regrets might poison them. I remember insulting my grandma and making her cry while she was slowly dying from her cancer and this memory continue to haunt me even if it's been years.
Stay strong OP! If that can somehow makes you feel better, everyone went through the death of a loved one at some point like it's some kind of fucked up ritual.


except when it happens to wizards we have no support from anyone

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 No.182063[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

Well fuck… it appears that I did not win the Mega Millions jackpot, or anything.
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get a job it's better


This thread is creating a lot of rage and hate


Only for those with so little brain that they NEED the structure of employment hours and a boss man telling them what to do, otherwise they end up writhing on the floor in their own waste no knowing what to do with themselves.


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Why lottery is legal in the first place?

It's more probable to you be hit for some bus than winning this thing.


It's a tax revenue for the state.

[Last 50 Posts]

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NEETs who got a full time job: how would you describe your free time compared to before? What do you do with it? Does it feel more rewarding now?
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It's enough for our based
>wizchan 2019


Far less enjoyable


During the first month I started to value my time more. Read 2 books, stopped browsing the web aimlessly, did a few things in a different manner than usual to save ~1h a day, etc. After that first month though the vision of lifelong wage slavery made me fall into a permanent melancholy and I've been barely able to do basic things like laundry since then. I started to waste my time again just as before.


Work is absolutely soul crushing. I didn't want to do anything after I came back home.I just mindlessly browsed the internet like I always did but I couldn't get into it since work was always on the back of my mind. My weekends weren't safe either even though I rarely had to work on Saturday or Sunday.
I didn't feel rewarded whenever I had free time. I felt robbed, cheated. My free time was the only thing that I had and it was taken from me. And for what? Some shitty job with shitty pay doing shitty work for my shitty boss. Not worth it. Maybe part time work would have made it bearable.


It was hell for me when I had a full time job. You get home and by the time you've showered and eaten dinner it's basically time to go to sleep, maybe you can get a few hours of watching something in, but that means you're always thinking about how best to budget your time. It's even worse first thing in the morning. Even if you have extra time you will be worrying constantly about getting to work on time so there is never a moment to relax. Weekends are just spent dreading the end of them and you end up feeling like it's never enough to recover from the ordeal.

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