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I finally came back to wizchan after going on an image board detox because I'd
figure that this is only one of the few places I can express myself fully.

So, I've been irrational fear over losing my sanity over the 2 years. My particular
fear is the fear of getting schizophrenia or at least so getting psychosis. My grandmother
has schizophrenia, and I fear of getting that mental disease. Every time I see flashes
of light, my mind plays tricks on me and I have these thoughts like "Well here it goes you
have schizophrenia you are already hallucinating" even though I do know that it's just
flashes of light due to eye floaters. It does not help the fact that I have mild HPPD, and my experiences with
psychedelics fuels this train of thought because the episodes of schizophrenia/psychosis
almost sound on par with the experiences I had with those drugs. It has got to the point where I get panic attacks if I ever feel spaced out. I avoid caffeine, alcohol, basically any substance, and
I avoid becoming sleep deprived all because I fear of being under a different state of consciousness.

The reason why my past experiences with psychedelics fuels these trains of thoughts is because
I do know how it feels like to lose your sanity while under the influence. For example, in late 2017, I almost lost my sanity due to taking too much LSD. When I read stories of schizophrenics
who think they're Jesus Christ, or some godly figure, my mind goes into panic mode because it sounds vague but almost on par with the experiences I had on psychedelics.
I had a bad trip on mushrooms last year in early 2018 and I really thought I had developed schizophrenia. Nothing particular happened
but it didn't feel good hallucinating all these monsters under that trip. The ideas you get from
psychedelics like solipsism scare me, and every time I have these thoughts of solipsism, or thoughts where
I have these "what if" questions concerning self harm like what if I take my own eye out? I think that it is psychosis creeping up on me. I never plan on taking
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If it helps I actually have schizophrenia and got psychosis at 22 (2 years ago), I was walking around naked screaming about basically random shit like politics and food. I never ever obsessed over getting it nor did I realize I was even in psychosis, in fact most people wouldn't know they are crazy if they actually are. Essentially what I am saying is the fact that you are able to reflect on the fact that you may be developing psychosis, means you are not developing it. Sounds strange, but it's true.

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 No.201553[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

The last suicide thread has hit the bump limit.
Previous thread:
294 posts and 35 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.


I wish I was never sired/conceived. I wish my kakistocrat kleptocrat idiocrat public-transport-accident-prone underage-baby-factory country never existed. Consider yourselves luckier you never received concussions, & never need to buy/use insulin, & never need to buy/drink psychiatric medicines.
t. concussed obese insomniac type-1-diabetic mentally-ill person


So the first part of my plan went as planned. I got the SSRI, now to wait for them to come into effect, this to make suicide a lot easier.


Does anyone here have any experience buying a gun? I want to just get one tomorrow and end it. I've done a bit of research, I know shotguns are better, but I'd rather a handgun. I can get a 9mm Glock for ~$500. The issue is the normies who run the store, I tried to do this a number of years ago and was simply turned away because I didn't know much about guns. I figure I may just try multiple stores until I succeed. Things are just too terrible for me right now, I need to get out now. I'll end up driving my car into a ravine if I fail to get a gun.


You might be able to get one locally from somebody else online. Lots of states don't have any restrictions on private sales like that.


I can't find a building over 5 storeys in my immediate area. 8+ storeys is almost always lethal I heard.

[Last 50 Posts]

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This might sound silly but really is fun something worth pursuing just for itself? Whenever I am faced with an uncomfortable day I keep thinking back on all the fun I had in the past but what was the point of that when I am faced with the inevitable discomfort? How can I enjoy the fun knowing that eventually I will be uncomfortable again? Having fun is basically like a fast forward to discomfort since the fun times go by so fast. The desire for having fun is innate in me so it feels intuitive to pursue it but I wonder if, especially as I am getting older and my health gets worse, it would make more sense to try to focus on learning how to endure and face discomfort. Is that even something you can learn realistically?
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I don't get what your point is. No, Jordan Peterson didn't tell me this, if that's what you're implying, I figured it out through my own suffering and experiences. You only need to think a bit to realise that what I said is 100% the case. You don't need anything that is created to give you 'fun', that's fact. Fun is the chemical process through which we improve and strive to improve ourselves.

I don't even know if Jordan Peterson thinks like this, there are many things I don't really agree with him on.


My point is that you sound like the classic preachy "improve-brah" who goes around grand-standing about how he doesn't waste time on "childish things" like "video-games and movies" because you're too busy doing "important things" like lifting weights and social climbing. The "long-term" gains you get from bettering yourself (basically power/wealth) are arguably just as meaningless (or, meaningful) because they only matter within the framework of meaning/fulfillment you have personally chosen to adopt.


There's always certain parts of work that makes me think "Why am I only concious when I'm at work?" At home I seem to be in a daze mindlessly indulging in whatever I'm doing


Indeed, happiness and pleasure are simply fleeting feelings. Life is nothing more than a steady line with small amounts of up or "happiness" and lows "depression" I get high and it makes me very uncomfortable because it causes me to feel anxiety and paranoia but I enjoy these feelings because they're real and if I can learn to deal with it, I feel like a stronger person at the end, but I don't think it's going to make me happy to over come it, rather just complacent until I die.


For the last few years I want to move out of my parent's house.
But the thing is that the comfort zone is killing me, my mom is making me food and I don't have to bother with rent so I have extra money. But as the time goes by, I mentally suffer.
I can't get my shit together in order to move out, I'd most likely get to rent a room and live with some people under one roof. But as long as I have my own room I think it won't be so bad.
I simply don't know how would I function, will I be able to maintain my "good habits" to not feel like shit etc.

I really want to get out of this place. I will soon be 27, already gave up on "normal life" just wanna live in peace with myself. But I can't push myself out there. Has any of you gone through this transition successfully?
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just get them then, get the life skills. Go to the doctor and tell them you believe you had attention deficit disorder since its highly likely that you do anyway, and by giving them a rundown of your situation and history they will probably agree and give you a prescription for ritalin. That is going to give you the ability to do these things which you currently can't initiate and/or sustain for long enough because of dopamine issues. You've most likely damaged your brain from technology usage, porn and masturbation, and just not developing the right routines and responsibilities when you were growing up.


>Go to the doctor and tell them you believe you had attention deficit disorder

*have attention deficit disorder. And no there's no issue with doing this as an adult, it happens all the time. My doctor mentioned people who were 40-60 years old finally being diagnosed and getting medication.


>late 20s
>given up
yeah, for me that was also the case
the late 20s seem to be a milestone where you just give up on life
maybe the club 27 comes from that as well


I want to move out because my mom is a turbo bitch and the reason I am a fuck up


In the very same situation. I haven't a clue how humans actually function, how to pay for things, or what's even needed. I can't even imagine paying taxes if I did somehow manage a job. There is basically no alternative at this point.

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On the long run, dealing with people everyday can be stressful to say the least. When i was young i got myself a cozy janitor job that paid terribly but always went well, but it had to get a better paying job after that, stuck in an office environment seems to drain everything out of everyone ,(even the "well-adjusted".

Makes me wonder what could someone like you do for a living that doesn't constantly put you on the social spot. What carrer option did you take, how's it working for you?
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Every time i imagine myself being a teacher the fantasy fails when i need to confront some smug rich kid and his parents, cuz the only solution is fucking brutally kill them all.


that's kinda sexy


Some advice. Wizards looking for office jobs should prioritize technical public sector jobs. The pay is more than enough for a wizard to be comfy, the benefits and pension beat most middle-low tier private sector office jobs, 90% of your coworkers are unskilled incompetents or diversity hires, and deadlines are loose / stress is low due to lack of competition and profit motive.

If you can write a shitty python script to automate some banal workflow you WILL be left alone and treated very nicely, especially if the incompetents around you are boomers.

Avoid private sector unless you are greedy or have some compunctions against working for the government.


Accountant wizard here. Auditor. Ex Big-4 Senior. Currently got senior-accountant corporate job in a big company.

I hate it. I love auditing or learning and interpreting accounting, reporting or audit standards. I just fucking hate the human interaction and it's impossible to avoid.


>the fantasy fails when i need to confront some smug rich kid and his parents
Here that happens only at private schools, not at public institutions (my case). The worst case scenario is when students demand you to review their exams and one must explain the little retard where he was mistaken; or when they come to you with his parents and one must explain them how retard his son is, which turns out to be fairly easy as no one dares go against me once they know I have a degree in math. And from time to time other teachers invite you out, but you can decline. So human interaction as a teacher can be very low.

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Am I the only one who can't find the willpower to improve?

I've been browsing some depression forums and there even people who sound heavily depressed have tried almost everything to deal with their depression: they tried like all available meds, experimental stuff, drugs, supplements, special diets, meditation, yoga, regular exercise, cbt, all kinds of different methods from self help books…

Meanwhile I tried only 2 different meds so far because I'm too scared of the side effects, have no drive to cook and almost only eat premade food, only managed to keep up any routine for 2 weeks at most and can't get myself to read a 200+ page book.

It's just that putting in any effort feels so painful to me so I default to whatever is the most comfortable in any situtation even if it leads me to a life that gets progressively less comfortable each day. I don't know how to improve since any kind of improvement requires effort.
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Because I work a dead end job that gives me no hope for a real future. As it stands right now I'm not saving much of anything.


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I don't know OP. For every time I try to dig myself out of this hole there's some sort of setback that throws me back further down than where I was before. It doesn't even have to be an external happening, I usually just wake up one day and already feel more hollow and drained again. Sometimes even on those days there's still an attempt at doing my improvement obsession of choice, be it exercise or reading focused for 15 minutes or cleaning, but even in the rare cases I manage to finish these tasks, (however successfully or unsuccessfully) the gaping void is still there seemingly stronger than it's ever been and that's usually it. The days and weeks after that are usually the same-ish downward spiral, eating junk, rotting away all day doing fuck all until the point where I'm miserable and desperate enough to try again. Rinse and repeat.


Then it would make sense to spend even more time play video games and fuck learning anything new because you have a bigger picture mindset.


I dont have much willpower and I am not very good at anything.
Take my advice with that in mind:
I think the key to doing anything is to have the energy and a goal.
Say you want to learn python, tell yourself you want to read and practice a book on doing that for a hour a day.
I think for a lot of depressive people like myself it seems pointless to anything.
That is where stimulants come in, caffeine or nicotine give me the energy to power through regardless of the fact that I think what im doing is pointless.


I tend to need a use for immediately or in the near future. I keep a journal full of all the information I ever need in my day to day life that I keep around and occasionally add anything relevant to. It gives me something to do and has everything I need to know ever in it. I have no reason to do anything outside of that.


Been on a drug/alcohol binge since thursday night. Haven't relapsed to hard drugs or stimilants, but I am using more frequently after almost a year of moderation (limiting myself to using only once or twice a month).

So for the last few days, I've been taking hugh doses of tramadol (opiate as much strong as codeine), clonazepam, hard liquor and weed.

My belly stings. I am tired despite having slept a lot/blacking out. Tomorrow I have to go back to forced wagecuck live. I am just doing my laundy and ironing some shirts, contemplating whether I use today too or just abstain today.

25, life only gets worse.


Normies are evil and fake.

When you re alone face to face with one normie he will most likely act normal, not be rude neither aggresive towards you.

But when that particular normie will be in group of people he will start acting like some animal fighting for domination. He will act stupid, say stupid things and sometimes even be aggresive, nasty.

I hate them. I was always an outcast and I will ever be. I wish I could get neetbux and never get close to normies anymore.

But thats not possible.

If you re different from normies and you are in some place that requires socialization, then you re fucked
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This world will crumble in a blaze of infuriating heat that will sear the very core of this hell rock.


You're a normie because your French Canadian.


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I'm hoping for the Venus ending personally.


Learning and shaping your opinion is different from changing your opinion coz you want follow the fashion (fad as these guys say).


At last I found some apparently healthy wizard. Cheers…

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i could just fucking give up and live a completely hedonistic life of smoking and playing video games for the remaining years my parents have left and then kill myself


go ahead crab


I'm starting to realize that a driver license is need if you want to aspire to most jobs today, yep.

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Any wizards balding? Just noticed my hair has thinning lathes all over my head. I've ordered finasteride medication and a hair growth shampoo but I'm not hoping for a miracle. Any others experience the same? Did you fight it or just shave completely? I was hoping to have a long white mane of white hair when older to go with my wiz beard
26 posts and 7 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.


My hair is starting to thin around my crown. My mom always says I'm getting "the *my last name* family haircut" whenever she trims my hair. This is because the men in my father's side (my dad and his brother, their dad, possibly their grandfather/my great grandfather) all became bald in a similar pattern once they hit their 40s or so.

I'm in my mid 30s. I don't give a fuck. I'd just get a shorter buzzcut.


i think balding is to do with infection and dirt on your scalp and scratching places has anybody just cleaned their shit and washed their hair and its stopped feeling like that ive receded about an inch now and i worry that i'm thinning everywhere which i am i think


I havd been balding…. rapidly, very rapidly for paast few weeks. My abusive mother was mocking me because of it,when i met her at family meetup.


at 18 I had a vegata-like widows peak, and now at 22 the sides are very thin, can see the skalp very easily and because I get red easily it's always bright red.


started at 18, unhideable since 21, cueball tier since 22

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