/dep/ - Depression

Hello. Despite this being a depression board, it seems most people are still around trying to do something. I am in a situation where except dying there is nothing to do, so i decided to make a thread wondering if there are any other people like me online, since it's almost impossible to find anyone even on the outskirts of the internet.

tl;dr i have countless diagnosed and undiagnosed physical illnesses which cause me agony daily and i feel like i'm dying every day, spent all my money on doctors and went into debt, cant make any more money, will eventually be homeless(can happen at any time), addicted to xanax that if i quit im gonna get seizures, i will never have a normal home(never had my own room) or family(mentally retarded?) not to mention my mental health problems etc.
Overall I guess I have around 10 major problems of which each is lethal and will kill me, and 100s of minor ones(which a normal person would consider unbearable). I have nothing and noone, my life self-destructed this the year and it's been half a year of pointless suffering knowing i'm gonna die anyway. I just couldn't push myself to end it since i'm the biggest coward in this world.
I guess i'm not sure if there's anything to talk about, since everyone in similar situations is either dead or sleeping under the bridge and dying. I just lost interest in talking to anyone since I know they can't comprehend my situation at all. Even on suicide forums maybe even 1 person out of 100 is in a situation comparable to mine. So I just made this pointless thread.
If life is truly over for you, and you don't know what to do, this thread is for you.

Good fuck anons its been so long. Its been so many fucked up years of pretending and lying, trying to be fucked up false versions of my self to get by only to come back, to end up here again, wasted and posting on a dying imageboard of likeminded misanthropist, deadbeats because they're the only people I've ever really honestly related to. What a fuck. What an absolute fuck life is and fuck into the bleakest hell everlasting.
All that's left is music, a few good books, and copious quantities of spirits to keep me company till this charade is really exhausted of all it's juice and there's no course left but to put an end to it once and for fucking all.
I honestly have no excuse or aid to talk someone (let alone myself) off the ledge. Under rational circumstances, suicide is a perfectly reasonable and justified action/reaction to life. There's no real argument against it, just excuses, distractions to post-pone it. But excuses run dry and then what.
Then it's gone.
Let's hope they last long enough that nature will take it's course and do the dirty work for me. Spare the few idiots around me yet another cause of undue and irrational grief while still giving me the relief I'm lookin for.

I would like to be with a being with whom I can share everyday moments, to have a being to worry about, in which I can capture the most beautiful part of my being, to whom I can show my vulnerable parts, express my deepest emotions, and show them really who I am. But who am I really? Even in an anonymous forum, I would say he is a great guy, who went through some things, but who despite everything never gave up, someone who always wants the best for others, and who has an optimistic vision even in the most difficult moments. hard And although in a certain way the above is not a lie, the reality is that there is an uncivilized being inside me, someone so disgusting and unpleasant that I don't even like to admit that we are the same person, and hypocritically, whether consciously or unconsciously. , I pretend it doesn't exist. But this is an undeniable reality, and although it is something that can be hidden, it is something that I would never share with anyone, much less voluntarily. I prefer to be a hermit secluded from all social contact rather than show this part of my being. I'm not going to lie to you, life alone is not the best thing in the world, and it has some associated problems, but it is not something completely bad either, and it helps to value things, self-esteem, one's own thoughts, and leave aside vain issues. like social norms, or what someone outside of us may or may not think of us.

I have nothing to look forward too.

People need projects and things to look forward. I have nothing.

Bascially, my country and it's culture has shifted rapidly, as soon as most of the people have come in contact with the West through internet, liberalisation, and globalisation. And I believe that is one of the reason which has prompted me to become a wizard.

Prior to globalisation, the succubi of my mother's generation were quite different, they themselves considered it shameful to wear revealing dresses, they always used to dress modestly, while most marriages were arranged they weren't forced, so while succubi were free to select their mate, and reject, they could do it only once and that guaranteed a equal distribution of succubi among men, and everyone was much more happier in that system as everyone got a mate.

And most succubi and men were virgin prior to marriage, it was considered shameful for both men and succubi to be non-virgin. As a matter of fact my native language doesn't even have a word for virgin, and there was no virgin shaming. But nowadays, kids use the word "virgin" as an insult. Most succubi lose their virginity quite early, and finding a virgin succubi is rare.

2-3 decades ago, succubi didn't consider it shameful or bad to be housewives, on the contrary they were proud to be one, or they studied and took a break for 5 years and then resumed their jobs, to go through marriage, pregnancy, and infancy of their child, and when they started working, the guy took the equal burden of the household chores and jobs.

But now, it's all changed, it's considered cool to smoke, drink, do drugs, wear skimply clothes, lose virginity early on, and then find a betabuxxer. Or in some cases succubi get paid so much that they don't even need a betabuxxer any more, while men struggle to get jobs, and ugly in men in particular end up at a much greater disadvantage.

And they act exactly like Western succubi, and I assume Western succubi are insufferable but due to the lost control of Western Men, a lot of Western Men now look towards East to get a semi-decent succubi. Leaving the same Eastern Men, to subscribe to redpill grifters like Andrew Tate, or bluepill themselves to oblivion.

And mind you only the degeneracy of the West has been copied and imported from the West, and meanwhile Western Culture's good and non-degenerate parts are completely ignored. In my country we now have things like undie runs (can anyone from the West explain this? what causes so utter lack of shame in people and succubi that Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

Back in High School I tried to cope with doing hobbies outside, to participate in normalfag activities because I wanted to at least give the bluepilled advice a go, I knew in the back of my mind it would not work and to nobody's surprise, the expectations are exactly what occurred, it resulted in nothing but utter humiliation. I played for a football academy back in High School and whilst I was decent at it I was treated poorly by my teammates, did not make a single friend there even though I contributed a lot to the stats of the team, we even made it very far into the tournament, after that incident I was discouraged to make friends because no matter how much meritocratic value is under your hands you are worthless to everyone, unless you're a prodigy your efforts are worthless.

Going outside has not improved my health but only worsen it, it has done the opposite effect, it makes me feel more worthless, more worse overall, a complete abomination, it reminds me of what I look like which is the opposite of what I'm trying to achieve. If you're an ugly midget subhuman like me then don't go outside and if you have to then try to limit it as much as possible because other people will remind you of your own flaws.

For ugly midgets like me, I think it's better to stay home and play video games. Don't go outside unless you have to. Make sure all of your hobbies are in solitude, experience surreal dimensions through novels, animes and video games. Outdoor hobbies can be selectively chosen, ones that don't include many people, walk through national parks in those isolating tracks because not much people are there, it's a great cope to view nature as a wiz. If you have the privilege, then work remote or at least hybrid, if you can't do this then get into a field of work that requires a limited interaction of others, if you are even more privileged then NEET but I would not suggest this as its damaging to your health in the long run.

There's no point going to malls, restaurants or visiting popular tourist sites like the Eiffel tower, it is super damaging to your brain being in places surrounded by normalfags. Just watch the YouTube video of it or visit the Minecraft version.

Years of isolation made me lose the ability to socialize like a normal human being
I personally don't crave socialization, but my body does, because I'm human and humans are social beings

You know, I've been thinking a lot about life and I finally realized something. I finally realized something after so many years of living. When I was 14 or 15, I believed that I would succeed in life, that I would soon become an adult and be able to do something in life. When I was young, I tried to find a job and learn something, but I just hit a wall. By the way, everyone humiliated me at school. Now I'm 26 and I don't want anything from life anymore. I'm literally not interested in succubi or money. I realized that because I couldn't succeed, as I got older, I lost all desire to have or do anything. I finally realized that if everything comes easy to you, you have goals and a desire to do something, and if nothing works out, you just give up. For example, I don't want anything from life anymore, I don't like people, and they don't like me either. Yesterday I overheard my mom and a relative talking on the phone and they said they hate me. You know, no one has ever considered me a person and I'm not a person, in fact I'm a nobody a loser with shitty health no job no goals in life no money and friends I'm a degenerate bastard.

god doesnt let us enter the paradise without suffering
I don't want to suffer. I don't want to suffer in the hereafter either. I just want peace. but god doesn't care about what we want. we will suffer anyway. maybe we will suffer only in this world or maybe for the rest of the eternity. there is no escape from suffering. this is so brutal. where is the mercy and love?

Serious question for any wizcels:

Do you ever wonder how you got here…as in, how or why you "woke up" when you did, where you did, to the people (parents) that you did? It's impossible to make sense of. Just on one fucking terrible day, we took up consciousness, literally out of nowhere we are in bodies and tasked with learning the mechanics of entire material world. What caused us to be born when we were, to whom we were? I don't accept that it was random, or mere bare biology..I feel within myself that this life is a targeted punishment and that were I smarter I would have avoided being born entirely. What piece of shit god thinks he/it has the right to do this to us? We are born, thereafter we spend a few years simply making basic sense of things, go off to school, probably suffer a lot, continue to grow up, endure more sadness, and now through all of it we just continue to get older and weaker and sadder. This life is a crime against our souls and whatever caused us to come here HAS TO PAY. Really the only thing I fear is being forced to come back to this shitheap of a world to suffer again…and I do worry about this precisely because I don't know how I got here in the first place. I feel deeply sorry for all the new souls born to this world…there is just so much to learn, but even more there is just so much to suffer through…and I cannot understand what kind of god would force this sort of existence on tender helpless beings? The demiurge must be overcome.