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I wake up. take adhd drugs. try to complete the courses for a degree I should have finish years ago. get bored and then just masyurbate to porn because it is the only thing that makes me feel good.

I banned myself from the hobby playing games to focus on college, but that barely required effort.


We are the offspring of the demiurge

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 No.254285[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

How easy would it be to overdose on fentanyl or carfentanyl?

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Gaming, reading downloaded text, trying to imagine yourself killing yourself so you don't feel worried when you actually do it


Why? Odd thing to aim for


I'm planning to jump from the top of my building soon. Is 57 meters enough for a certain death? Will it be painless?


Men have dies from lower heights landing on their abdomen. A head-dive from that height should be sufficient to kill anyone.
>Will it be painless?
Nobody knows, for we can not ask the dead how much pain they endured.


Why does no one ever mention cutting your carotid artery as a possible suicide method? It's almost impossible to survive, and the bleeding out itself doesn't hurt.

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I’ve felt disconnected from this world for the longest time now, thinking we were just living in this life for nothing and then that’s it, however I had a friend who was Christian and stressed that suicide was a coward action because god will see how pathetic you were on ur judgment day. Now I’m afraid to die, or do drugs because of this underlying fear that what if something bigger is up there. I’m not religious but he said we all have a chance at heaven if we try right now and I just don’t know what to believe at this point.
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>is that what you think i said?
No, That which I gave was an example, because the Law or government are an Authority who dispatch punishment and dictate the severity of crimes. You're missing the point regardless.

>thief gives back what he took

Are you sure you are grounded in reality? Because unless you're talking about a petty thief, chances are they won't "give back" what "they took". A murderer cannot bring back his victims back to life, and sure as hell politicians and other corrupt elite would not give back whatever they took.

>how could a finite sum of finite crimes result in an infinite punishment?

For one second forget the other "finite" sum of crimes, and lets focus on the main reason for an infinite punishment, Which is rejection of God. It is simple, By rejecting God you reject an infinite sum of GIFTS and blessings that you simply cannot payback. (Creating you from nothingness, amongst feelings and consciousness, both negative and positive.)
So the most reasonable course of action is an infinite punishment for the most severe, infinite crime out there.


>because the Law or government are an Authority who dispatch punishment and dictate the severity of crimes. You're missing the point regardless.
yeah, i am missing the point. i cant see how the government is relevant to this discussion.

>unless you're talking about a petty thief, chances are they won't "give back" what "they took"

so then you come up with something else equivalent to whats owed that they can pay in instead of waiting for them to figure out how to raise the dead.

>lets focus on the main reason for an infinite punishment, Which is rejection of God

by the time you get to hell you would surely believe in god, so it wouldnt make sense to punish someone for more than 2 seconds for not believing in god.

>By rejecting God you reject an infinite sum of GIFTS and blessings that you simply cannot payback. (Creating you from nothingness, amongst feelings and consciousness, both negative and positive.)

why would you payback something you rejected? and how can you reject something you already have, like life? if you really could reject that then you would just be nothingness and god couldnt punish you even if he wanted. i dont even see why were discussing this if neither of us are christians, do you have any reason to believe hell exists?


>neither stalin nor hitler killed anyone in their lifetimes. maybe they did do something wrong but from what we know theyre perfectly fine guys.
How very contrarian of you.


>comparing child abuse to online forums
fuck you.


Lmao OP is out here struggling with his shit hoping someone will relate, meanwhile this thread is just chaotic

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Tell me your best memory, or the most emotional feeling you get in your life
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A positive thread in /dep/? Sure.

I'm a software engineer that really enjoys building cool projects. There's no greater feeling that being pumped up, focused, and motivated, while you listen to amazing music and write elegant code. But I am not a robot and I have health problems. If I manage to code for 4 - 6 hours then that's a very good day for me. I have a whole list of mental problems and honestly it makes it hard for me to hold down a job.

There is a so-called 'hierarchy' of needs put forwards by Abraham Maslow (actually, apparently it wasn't proposed by Maslow but I digress.) It proposes various basic levels of needs that need to be satisfied before reaching higher levels. Like the bottom has shelter on it and the top is 'self-actualization' - a word that is really about growth, creativity, personal development. So you can't really be building cool shit if for example, your primarily worried about how you will survive the winter (makes sense, right.)

Anyway, if self-actualization is at the top, then having creative hobbies and being lucky enough to have your basic needs met is how you achieve peak happiness as a human bean. Self-actualization is more about personal growth. But IMO, I'd also say that some people could become self-actualized by what would normally be consider 'consumer' interest. Like if you're really into a game or TV serious, REALLY into it, who is not to say you are being self-actualized without 'creating' something.

Many wizards watch anime or play games, but you also see people mention that it no longer brings them pleasure. They probably have way too many other problems to immerse themselves fully. Or simply experience no novelty to their experiences. I wanna close this rant by saying that I kill normies and have a nice wiz butt. Thanks for listening.


My best memories come from high school, where I had the company of beautiful succubi. Now I'm old and bored and still a virgin, being seen as shit by succubi


Wait, you actually gauge your happiness by the opinion of succubi?

That's beyond pathetic.


upboated, guilded, framed, replied to, and promoted. good wiz.


I had a few not terrible memories but they've all been poisoned retroactively and nothing really makes me feel good.
I do remember reading stuff like "What is your happiest memory?" around middle school age though and still not being able to think of anything.
I had relatively happy times occasionally but they were usually badly marred and I would never have designated them as happy memories on the level that was apparent when most people discussed theirs.

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How are you supposed to cope with mental anguish if you're friendless?
I'm a complete hermit socially and whenever I'm down I just fall into a negative spiral. I don't really believe in therapy either so that's a dead-end for me too.
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People are fucking cruel honestly. At least the people I socialized with. They would talk about others behind their backs constantly. It was so awkward to me and I just couldn't join in. And I'm sure they talked about me whenever I wasn't there. Fuck them.


I've tried professional help for 8 years and made no progress. I know I can't help myself, I'm a fucking disaster. I guess I'm just waiting for a miracle or the moment I finally go through with my suicide.


i'm too lazy to even talk to people oin the phone i would just txt or facebook messenger. im just a weird case


Same. Perhaps it's normal to them.


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why do i dream about things that will never happen? im 26 years old. sometimes i imagine myself as a great football player or living a completely different life at 18. you know, silly dreams. i know it will never happen but im just dreaming. i can dream for hours during the day. that makes me happy. i can stare blankly at the wall for hours and daydream. dreaming makes me happy, but when i return to the real world it hurts me. im wasting my time and i can't focus on anything. different scenarios are running through my mind all the time. im mentally ill?
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It could be a sign of OCD if you constantly think about it 24/7. If you're daydreaming all the time in class or at work it could be a sign of ADHD


Truly not trying to be mean but the thought of a man imagining himself in anime made me burst out laughing.


Reminds me a lot of the >>>/wiz/189480 thread. I've gotten to a similar point. Daydreaming seems to not only be keeping me going, but I sense that I am moments away from going completely occult. It oddly helps when you think of reality as the nightmare that you have to endure to get back to your dreams again.

You should go into depth about some of your dream worlds sometime.


I use to daydream a lot but only until around 25 because the more unrealistic and impossible the dreams seemed the more it fucking sucked. Now i do it very rarely. What will it be like in 10 or even 5 years ? If i ever continued to daydream I'd look much younger than what I would be in reality, that's kinda pathetic. Youth and it's hopes are fleeting away.


You're talking about the cognitive dissonance. Stay grounded with who you are as you age. Or mentally stay in Neverland as the disconnect from reality grows ever large with the ravages of age.

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So,some good amount of years passed,I failed some IGCSE(edexcel) examinations in the past but many of my peers have surpassed me and this makes me very depressed as well as my parents has been telling me that,they will kick me out of the house.

what should I do?
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I have a degree and it doesn't change anything.



I have a degree and it isn't a meme degree. I don't think really changed anything in my life though.


>all those degree havers flexing on me
even in my safe space I get violated


being stupid enough to waste most of my youth and gain $50k debt for a piece of useless paper isnt a flex


My degree is a meme. No, it's not succubi's studies or whatever is the conservative hate mongering meme. It's in engineering. I didn't realize the gravity of the corporate world starting once the degree begins. It doesn't begin when you get that piece paper after 4 years.

I grinded out grades but that alone pointless. I knew I had to network too but it was hopeless. People are already judging others by their corporate social value throughout school. Nobody gives shit about socially aloof loner. That has zero value in corporate world.

They're just as or more ruthless than the shitty kids in adolescence. I have people literally just abruptly turn and walk away from my face in the midst of my words. My god, no such feeling humiliation matched that when I was in middle school.

As everyone says, degrees are a meme. The aforementioned is a never spoken of reasons why. It's cause few people in the average population are wizzies themselves. They will never know these problems themselves. At the end of my 4 years everyone surpassed me within the context of uni. They all had the next level prospects lined up already. Job offers, professional networks, internships completed. All the silly tchotchkes to paint themselves as model members of the affluent class. I was nothing but this schizoid kid who nobody found any value worth their time.

Time… It's so short during a degree. You're in the acceleration lane and you better merge in or you're left in the dust. They try to push you up to the break neck pace of the upper middle class corporate world. That's why those normies are so high strung all the time. Most even don't realize how frantic pace they are all forced to operate at to keep up with the Joneses lest they find themselves falling out of that world.

If your struggle is purely academic. If you're other wise a normal enough person. Then you're ready to try for a degree. However if you have the litany of other issues of people like wizards. You really really need to consider the implications of these as well. A degree isn't a magic ticket. It isn't that special point where we tell ourselves if we just get there then we've made it. Then we've left behind that piece of shit who we once were. No, I was still the same person before an after. Just having wasted so many thousands of dollars to find that out.

Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

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Thread for psychotic depression and other psychotic disorders

Had depression for most of my life since elementary, turned psychotic about a year ago. Spiders, voices, etc. Lost all of people I talked to because of it. However the psychosis went away sometime last year, maybe November.

As of late, have had major emotional problems that lead to fantasies of self mutilation. Keep getting worse every day and now hallucinations are occurring and emotions are array. Feelings of derealization and extreme worthlessness. Afraid that I might go into a deep psychosis. It all started with being a bit emotional since 2 months ago and now it's ending up with this.

If anyone else has had psychosis before or thinks they may be slipping into it as well, then post here

Meds are Risperidone, Lexapro and Gabapentin.
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that's only cool to a reddit atheist though


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I like this thread. I don't want it to die so soon.

I was diagnosed schizoaffective some years back and was put on Abilify, along with the few antidepressants I was taking before like Zoloft and Wellbutrin. Really all it is is manic depression except those periods where you're supposed to be happy are replaced with psychosis. Maybe I should take it as a miracle I have periods where I'm somewhat lucid, like now, but at the same time I almost wish I was completely out of it so I wouldn't have to think about how the next episode is going to be. Voices are the worst.


Felt like I've been slipping myself op. I've been on dozens of meds, been on risperdone a few years now but right now just taking hydroxyzine for sleep. I wouldn't say I've ever been depressed just mentally strange and silly. I try to channel it to art though. Z j


Amazing insight and good post.

Here's a thought. Schizophrenia is a gradual decline into the most supreme form of narcissism. A schizophrenic individual is one who is morbidly obsessed with oneself. As we develop from our base consciousness as newborns, wherein we understand only our basic needs and are unaware of other's existence besides our own, the hallmark of our development manifests in the shift from this love of oneself. When we're babies and even well into the toddler years, basically we exist for pleasure. Everything exists for the sole purpose of us and we are wholly unaware of other people's needs. From the very moment we're cast into the world suckling on our mother's breast is the first encounter we have with pleasure. In any case, as we grow older, what I mean by the love of oneself shifting is instead of preoccupying ourselves with ourselves, we begin to experience love for the external world. We end up picking up music, getting into books, writing, film, walks in nature, our interests and our passions are what determines are cognitive and intrapersonal maturity. The schizophrenic, however, seems to never phase out of the Narcissus stage of infancy. They fall in love with their own delusion (psychosis). They are so in love with their fantasy that they manifest it in the form of hallucinations and delusions, but the mechanism of our brain protests against this childish fantasy the hallucinations reflect this as a compensation, taking the form of highly unpleasant or morbid visions. Another example of narcissism in the schizophrenic is paranoia. *They're* watching *me". *They're* in *my* walls. It's a relatively straightforward persecution complex incurred by an obsession with the self and inflamed by existing schizophrenic tendencies. It's not the schizophrenic's fault always, there are however some remarkable cases where preexisting conditions aren't at play and the schizophrenic has truly evolved to that stage by sheer narcissism. Typically schizophrenics tend to suffer some form of childhood trauma like sexual or emotional abuse, making them get "stuck" and thus they never really grow out of that phase. You could say children are "schizophrenic" by nature, but it's a normal part of their development and is caused by that very narcissism they unwittingly hold.


Now that's pseudoscience.

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 No.259130[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

For a lot of people, the reason they didn't kill themselves yet, is because of family. They are scared that their parents will find their dead body. But that is not the case for me. You know if that will happen with me, then I will for a fact my mother would most likely try to kill herself, because she only has me. And yet she doesn't treat me well for a person that is supposed to love me that much. Anyways, I am not afraid of that, I am afraid of hell. Because it really doesn't matter what religion anyone is, no religion permits someone to take their life. In my case I would say I am somewhat of a christian, but I'm not sure anymore. But hell is just terrifying, I wish I could be an atheist and just kill myself, but I simply can't. Something in head is stopping me from just simply not believing. So my question is, if anyone here had these types of thoughts before like me?
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Disagreement is fine. It's not like I reported you. I'm just reminding you that being a huge retard and talking in circles until everyone loses interest in the conversation isn't impressive to anyone but yourself. So, uh, have fun with being a petulant idiot or whatever.


i dont think im talking to the guy youre talking about, but im doing fine

>But morality and maths are different topics entirely
>Because it seems to me like your only argument for objective morality is "well most people follow this"
im comparing math to morality because if you fail to adhere to either of these things reality will not work the way you want it to. if you want a free peaceful world, there is only one possible path you can take to it, the same way if you want to launch a rocket, theres only one version of math which gets it to lift off.

>"If I build a house…" so now what you create or build is yours?

yes, if you made it how could anyone else claim it as theirs?

>So by this logic construction workers or architects own legally every house and building on the planet?

when did we start talking about legality? and no, construction workers dont own everything because believe it or not every single one of them agrees beforehand to give away what they make in exchange for money.

>Your ownership is nothing but a mere subjective concept, like Truth and Rationality for that matter.

really, we cant know anything at all now? i have a little experiment for you to do, unfortunately your areas topography may not permit it. what you need to do is find the highest cliff in your area and stand right on the edge of it. next youre going to have to take a few steps forward, make sure to tell me what happens because its anyones guess at this point. you could start floating upwards or even entered a new dimension, we just dont know. wait whats that? you dont want to do the experiment? i thought that there was no way to know anything? certain death you say? how could you be certain of anything!

ok maybe you disagree with the last part and you think that death isnt certain in that situation, something magical could happen, but you still dont walk off the cliff. i say that every single time, invariably, due to unchanging inescapable laws of the universe, you will die when you walk off a cliff, and i dont walk off the cliff. aside from that though, if you Post too long. Click here to view the full text.


What? Who talked about a free peaceful world? And what does this have to do with anything we talked about, again? Reality "won't work the way I want it to" if I'm not moral? I feel like you are 10, yet again. Then are plenty of amoral people and they live like kings or if not they are usually much better off than people who try to be moral and just. Sorry, but the world isn't a just place.

You started talking about legality, not me. By mentioning cops and ownership and such. You failed to grasp what I wrote, I see. You still can't explain what is the basis of your sacred ownership or why should everyone respect it without questions.

>yes, if you made it how could anyone else claim it as theirs?
>no, construction workers dont own everything because believe it or not every single one of them agrees beforehand to give away what they make in exchange for money.
So now which is it? Can ownership be transferred to others or not? Decide already.

And you miss the point continously! Wonderful. So now you want me to test gravitation? Obviously you don't know there are different truths, what you say I should try is related to EMPIRICAL TRUTH because it is based on experience. Morality and philosophical truths aren't empirical truths. Truth in the logical or metaphysical sense is always subjective. Same for "Rationality". If objective truths existed don't you think humanity would realize them collectively and obey them without exception? The mere fact that there are different moral systems and different "truths" out there proves exactly that these things are just spooks. By the way, you didn't answer to me about what morality you adhere to. Like I said, there is no objective morality, only subjective moral judgments. But you just skip the parts you can't answer, it seems.

Keep living in denial and delusion. Keep believing that you managed to find Objective Truth and Objective Morality which everyone should adhere to…because!

>I'm just reminding you that being a huge retard and talking in circles until everyone loses interest in the conversation isn't impressive to anyone but yourself
You described yourselPost too long. Click here to view the full text.


>But morality and maths are different topics entirely. Indeed 2x2=4 but what is right and wrong? You won't find the answer to that in "Truth" (whatever it is!) or in some "rational" argument. Because what is acceptable and what isn't always boils down to feelings, emotions, desires.
You are redefining the question of morality and making the concept itself disappear. Why should I even read your words if they are based on irrational feelings and you're not making any arguments? There is nothing to talk about unless you accept that logical arguments can be applied to the topic.
Even if you think morals are relative in some sense then you should be able to use logic, mathematical game theory, and rationality to argue why that is the case - and perhaps analyse the topic to show in what ways morals are relative.


Already illustrated my point when I talked about various morals across the world and cultures. If morality was really about rationality and logic then every human would possess the same cultural and moral values because they would see how it "makes sense". Alas, we don't have objective morals.

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 No.249297[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

I am killing myself within the next month

How can I ensure that I will go to heaven when I die? I haven't been to church since childhood and I am a bad person.
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They have infested imageboards for almost the past decade by now. Most of them are only Christian because of imageboard contrarianism, and they needed a new way to be pretentious when most internet nerds were atheist.


>Most of them are only Christian because of imageboard contrarianism
Yup. It's pretty gay, to be honest.


Go to China or the jungle in South America. There's no hell for them there.


If you commit suicìde you may not go to jannah but hell instead. Confess your sins to God or to a priest. Live your life in peace or maybe devote yourself to helping people.


How about no?

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