/dep/ - Depression

I think it's genuinely just plain over if you don't have education, skills or job experience at the age of 25. It feels like I should just play videogames until anhedonia reaches critical condition and then to just off myself. I lost to job market. I lost to capitalism. My ego and my weakness won't allow me to live as burger king worker. Not to mention i'd be a useless worthless asset in any job anyway. Fuck

It's shit for my mental health nothing there is no "cosmic caretaker" out there, also no rules\ethics or morals (So the evil go Unpunished, the good go Unrewarded) BUT, the stuff with massive social media\clickbait\ tiktok format youtube shorts, and specially AI images..Im realizing more and more how retarded it all is.
I have read proper books tho: Will Durant, historiography of the Bible (Jesus Seminar, critical studies, archeological reports on codexes and papyri, parchments, etc) ,Mircea Eliade…Im not just a zoomer basing opinions off social media shit.
>I also consider Communism a "secular religion" hence some pics

It seems like learning English was one of the worst mistakes of my life, I am someone who live in India and doesn't plan to leave the country. Any idea how I can cope with racism online?

It's very hard to be online, my self-esteem and self-confidence has been wrecked primarily because of internet. I will admit as a kid, I really wanted to see the west, playing video games like NFS, GTA, and, watching Hollywood movies late in the night, were some of the fondest memories of mine as a child.

But as an adult I think immigrating would be a very bad idea, because I would probably be homeless in a few days because I don't know how the system works. Forget about all that, I am too poor to immigrate. So that is out of the question.

A lot of times, I just want to use internet in peace and make friends with people over online websites. But as soon as they find out I am Indian they start hurling abuses. It's terrible.

Honestly a lot of it has destroyed my self-esteem and self-confidence and I don't know how to regain it even when knowing that for the most of my life I am rarely ever going to encounter a white person.

And then there is the whole blackpill thing as well, because we Indians aren't attractive (speaking for myself mostly but still) most of Indian succubi in the West tend to date white just like East Asian succubi. So that's like another insult to injury to be honest.

Overall it kinda sucked to realise that I am so hated and life in the West if I could immigrate that is, would probably suck for me greatly. Like all the parties and fun that I saw in Hollywood movies are only reserved for succubi and few attractive men. In real life in the West I would be bullied mercilessly.

On the other hand, something good has come out of it as well, which is, I have stopped resenting India a bit because I have realised that at least I don't face racism here in real life and won't be bullied here too much. In the end, I guess it is for the best that I couldn't immigrate I imagine.

Anyways, now that I have learned English Any suggestions on how to not feel bad about myself while being exposed to extreme and never ending racism online? It really has given a hit to my self-esteem.

i have strange urges when i watch lights flicker on the screen. they do it so smoothly and nicely. i feel like i want to flicker with them but i can't. what the fuck, jesus christ

I unironically think I'm starting to develop some kind of dementia. I'm 35 almost 36. More and more often I find myself spacing out and completely forgetting what I'm doing. I can't focus. I know it's not depression. I was very depressed 10 years ago and nearly killed myself, and I'm a lot happier now than back then, I haven't even thought about suicide in years, so that's not it. I'm not even as stressed as I used to be anymore. I don't even have a lot of negative thoughts. I get confused easily when talking to people and end up doing or saying inappropriate things unintentionally. For example I start dissociating while talking to people and start humming a song, put my hand on their shoulders, other stuff like that. This is going to sound like a massive troll but just the other day I visited my parents, I sat down at the dinner table, I started dissociating, my mom put her hand on my shoulder to get my attention, I couldn't snap out of it fast enough and nearly kissed her. She was horrified and turned away and didn't say anything the rest of the night.

I think one possible solution is to move back in with my parents. Being alone all the time is not good for me. But obviously after what happened there's no way they're going to let me, they probably don't feel safe and for good reason. Lmao. That was my only hope. I don't know what's going to happen to me.

And no, I'm not a drug addict, alcoholic or any of that stuff.

This is probably not big news, but you have much worse chances of getting anything done in life if you are not social. From jobs, to housing, to money. If you are trying to do everything alone, you will not be as successful. Except you have a godlike family and upbringing. But I suppose nobody here had this.

Hello. Despite this being a depression board, it seems most people are still around trying to do something. I am in a situation where except dying there is nothing to do, so i decided to make a thread wondering if there are any other people like me online, since it's almost impossible to find anyone even on the outskirts of the internet.

tl;dr i have countless diagnosed and undiagnosed physical illnesses which cause me agony daily and i feel like i'm dying every day, spent all my money on doctors and went into debt, cant make any more money, will eventually be homeless(can happen at any time), addicted to xanax that if i quit im gonna get seizures, i will never have a normal home(never had my own room) or family(mentally retarded?) not to mention my mental health problems etc.
Overall I guess I have around 10 major problems of which each is lethal and will kill me, and 100s of minor ones(which a normal person would consider unbearable). I have nothing and noone, my life self-destructed this the year and it's been half a year of pointless suffering knowing i'm gonna die anyway. I just couldn't push myself to end it since i'm the biggest coward in this world.
I guess i'm not sure if there's anything to talk about, since everyone in similar situations is either dead or sleeping under the bridge and dying. I just lost interest in talking to anyone since I know they can't comprehend my situation at all. Even on suicide forums maybe even 1 person out of 100 is in a situation comparable to mine. So I just made this pointless thread.
If life is truly over for you, and you don't know what to do, this thread is for you.

Now i don't know if this is madness but can a person like really just be vexxed or cursed to never have a girlfriend ? It's the fact that even when you try it always seems to not go your way, it always goes wrongly, It's fucking insane how much tries you try yet it does not work, it's almost as if there is someone stopping that shit because it's fucking insane how one can keep trying even in any way yet he cannot succeed with getting a succubus.

Do you think there is really some fucking paranormal background to males not having the chance to get a girlfriend even though they do everything that seems to be accepted by Social standards and even break social standards just to get a girlfriend yet with no avail, Even the most handsome yet cannot get it, I remember there was a thread about how people are bound to be lonely well this is a continuation, Do you think there are some who are destined to never have a girlfriend even though it seems absurd ?

Is there anyway to break from this cycle ?

For several years I had the idea of ending my life in the back of my head despite barely ever experiencing extreme depression in any remote way, I spent long periods reading about various suicide methods at sanctionedsuicide and even making threads asking for technical questions related to suicide methods, but it's something I never planned to do at any time soon, and I still have no plans to do it at anytime soon at the moment, I made a thread here about this topic several years and some Anons thought I was being an attention whore just because My life did not suck enough that I would want to end it instantly, I am not too unhappy at the moment, but I know shit might hit the fan at some point, and I will have no other choice, I also fear ageing and getting too old, it's really the biggest issue with being a Wizard, oneday I will be too old and weak to even hold a glass of water, And I will have no children or grand children to help me, I have an obsession with suicide, the amount of time I spent thinking about it is so absurd given I am not even that pessimistic of a person.

Sorry the pic is too unrelated, I hope I made my point reach all of you

I want to kill myself efficiently without much pain, what's a good way to do this?