/dep/ - Depression

I thought that at 44 years old this stuff wouldn't get at me anymore but I was wrong.

All those cute couples rollerblading. Young mothers pushing strollers and smiling. People laughing in the park. People playing soccer in the field. Everyone is so happy, so content with their lot in life. They are so well-adjusted to this life.

People talking in upbeat tones. Groups of people socializing, laughing, smiling.

Everywhere I went today it was like this.
Its amazing how easy life is when you are neurotypical. It's like everything falls into place without much struggle and effort. You are always pre-programmed to get the most out of life without having to do anything special to make it happen.

It comes to my mind very often how evilness surrounds everything, from your own body being rotten and painful to the average politician being cruel and unhinged.
I can really assume we live in a hell realm, people are so used to suffering that atrocious and disgusting news such as murder or car accidents are deemed normal.
We're born without knowing why in a world we did not create and we must obey rules we did not decide, there is really no point in counsciousness when existence is like this unless it was conceived by evil forces for evil purposes.
So my conclusion is that we live inside a reality of pure evil, no chaotic, no orderly, just pure evil without any sense, like hitting your head until you die.

Wiz, I really hate the way things are these days. You know how "brainrot" and cringe culture affect people now—my friends, my parents, and just daily life in general are all so annoying. The interactions between Gen Z and Boomers are getting weirder, and people in general are becoming stranger, which makes everyday life incredibly frustrating. What if history could repeat itself—like World War II—so that those forgetful Gen Zers and Boomers, and all the annoying people today, could finally realize just how terrifying a world war really is

Do you have this? Any tips?
I dont know if i have this but it fucked a lot of social interactions.

Is the feeling of alienation familiar to you? Does it hurt?

"All my life, I have lived with the feeling that I have been kept from my true place. If the expression "metaphysical exile" had no meaning, my existence alone would afford it one."

~ Emil Cioran ; The Trouble With Being Born

This thread is for talking about OCD, addictions, or those kinds of disorders that ruined our lives
>So
When I was a kid, I had some pretty OCD-like behavior—I’d touch things and check them over and over until I felt reassured that everything was okay. I also used to walk on my tiptoes, which is a bit autistic, but I eventually stopped doing that (I don’t know if I have autism at this point bacause never did a test, but whatever).
>So what’s up with you?
Well, in my case is limerence (some studies say is co-related to OCD)
>And what’s that like?
Well, imagine a succubi (for some people even can be the other sex you dont like) talks to you and treats you kindly once or twice, and then you start getting way more than just nervous around her because your body starts releasing dopamine, serotonin, and all that shit. And since you don’t know what’s going on, you think you like her or have fallen in love, but its NOT.
really it’s just fucking anxiety toward a “thing.” Because you’re constantly seeking validation in some way—whether for friendship, attention, or love but you have this anxiety that you know is inappropriate, and if you act on it, the feeling of danger gets worse, it’s almost like you’re having a heart attack. and as time pass the thing got worst and worst and you get more obsessive, nerveous and get a peak of anxiety, even start to rumiate or have that thing of limerence (LO) living rent free in your head bacause your brain cant stop thinking about your LO
>What was the worst experience you've ever had?
Even you will end starting to dream with the LO and have happy dreams or nightmares and waking up crying bacause you are getting the peak of anxiety and dopamine,etc sec before waking up. this shit can even ruin friendship.
>Why the hell does this happen?
I don’t know, genetics, anxiety, depression, emotional dependency, low self-steem, negligent parents, love hungry, maybe OCD etc and a whole lot of shit
>You're larping this nonsense
but in my case, it’s not like those internet memes of bitch tumblr succubi where it only happens once and they use like a joke for love or crush
>You're a retard and you fall in love go fuk yourself wizard
No, no it’s happened to me constantly over the Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

I wasted years of my life working and started college late. Last year, I began a degree program in psychology education to see if later I could handle a degree in psychology or become a therapist, and in short it was a disaster. I felt like a damn alien next to my classmates, and I didn’t feel comfortable in class, not with them, not with anything.
This year, I decided to start studying another major focused on the hobbies i love, music related things as hobby. I decided to try music education, and so far everything’s going well, and I even feel comfortable with my classmates, but the social aspect is still killing me.

>What's you cant handle?
>Vocal education
I can't handle vocal training classes I usually freeze up and can't even sing a scale. The strange thing is, I don't know if the teacher plays favorites, but she treats the succubi better, from what I've seen, they've been singing for a while, sing in church choirs around religious things etc, or already have experience with singing and high notes. I don't notice her treating the men the same way or giving them the same attention, and most of the guys haven't practiced singing before. Last time, she told me I don’t sing because I strive too much for perfection i dont believe this is true but this didnt help in anything. I don’t know if she misunderstood me or if she hates me, but I’m not sure if she understands that I can’t control my nerves and i actually told she about this. one day she just told me something in the lines of go to a psychologist bla bla Obviously, I failed her exams. maybe i the problem or she even tried to help much. maybe i will try to change to another teacher next year i dont know.

>Language and music theory problem
The language and music theory classes started a little late, but I love them (with piano classes), and the fun part comes in the later semesters. My only problem is that, because of some university policy, they make us record ourselves and… oh my god, I hate my fucking face. I’ve never liked recording myself, and they even make us record ourselves singing, which is even worse, because I can’t even stand in front of a camera for two seconds without go full into a panic attack of nervers and sadness. i hate mirrors and watching myself in recordings.

I’m seriously thinking about dropping out of this program because I knoPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Does anyone here struggle with alcohol, or have managed to quit?

It used to be a good coping mechanism for me, but it seems the older I've gotten the worse it feels, and it's become detrimental to my health and the way I behave around people. Easily annoyed, constantly starting shit, tired all the time, strange pains. And I was still getting worse, fast.

This has been a wake-up call and I'm realizing I need to quit before it's too late. Though that's easy for me to say now when I'm still feeling bad, and I fear the cravings will come back strong, but I know I've got to try.

Curious to hear others experience with this.

how do some people make it so long.

i dont get it. im always so close to killing myself .

i hate myself .