/dep/ - Depression

>>206749
I had friends a few years ago, but I grew to resent the act I had to put up around them. Then I moved south and now I have none. Aside from the occasional loneliness I don't miss it.

There needs to be a word for friends you have that you only see during regularly scheduled events like school. I think most people had those sorts of "friends". People you spent a lot of time together with because you were both at the same place together a lot. But if you never spend time with them outside of those things, are they really your friends? I've never had that type of friend, someone who would just come over and hang out, you know. I think that's a whole different thing. When you're free to truly be yourself, not in a structured setting. The last of those "friends" stopped bothering to contact me long ago and I can't say I blame them, not like I ever made the effort to contact them. I couldn't because it would be just too stressful with too little upside.

>>208790
Wizards are the word

>>208790
acquaintance
if you want more precision you need a different language than english.

It was shocking to learn that the vast majority of humans are so egotistical and unempathetic. I really used to think I was the problem, but I am literaly no different than them, mentally; asides from my unwillingness to conform to their culture (which is absolute shit btw)

>>208147
I think you shouldn't chase happiness as a thing, just do what you want to, look for things that may interest you.
Also nice image, where is it from?

>>208150
Hedonic treadmill makes it so that this solution does not really work.
>>208151
This makes a lot more sense given the reality of the psychology of human happiness.

I think happiness is the side-effect of meaningful interaction with the world and isn't necessarily tied with pleasure. One could take heroin and have arguably the best feeling in the world but this euphoric state will likely work against your happiness. Same with any other pleasurable activity, it becomes stale and boring after a while. What's important is that you have a sense that the activity in question is somehow leading to a meaningful outcome.

For instance, despite it being a pain to wake up early and commute, I feel that my job keeps my mind engaged with interesting problems while also giving me a positive direction in which to grow and of course, make money. All of this contributes to felt sense of meaningfulness that keeps me relatively happy (for now) despite it not being an euphoric or even comfortable experience.

Of course, I'm not saying you should just get a job and hit the gym brah, but simply to keep in mind that the thing to look out for is meaning and not the perceived pleasure of the activity. Being a NEET, despite being physically and mentally comfortable (usually), is the equivalent of a dead-end in terms of meaning. It's often the case that people can't wait to retire and do nothing and then find themselves in a state of complete despair because they zapped the little meaning they had in life. Again, I'm not saying becoming a wageslave is the answer, but usually work has a nice combination of activities that result in a flow state and opportunities for meaningful growth.

Another part of happiness is meaningful interactions with other people, but these are a rare occurrence for most wizzies. We're a different breed so interacting with most people usually results in either boredom or pain and rarely can you find meaning.

>>208150
Above all I think this is correct and it's easier said than done, if you start consciously trying to root all the little ways your programmed to be miserable it's quite the trip. Why you feel this way on something, what this or that feeling really is, should this or that matter, blahblahblah. Then you have the negative things that have hard wired themselves through your mind all your life into your body and physical limitations. I don't know the way around some of them, sometimes I wish I never knew at all of the mess I made of this body before I knew better. I just need to live with the fact that I'll always feel like a human science experiment.

Happiness is not related to success hardly at all. Counter-intuitively, the less you strive for happiness, the happier you become. For me a baseline happiness of 7/10 is ideal. Easy to bring myself back when I slip, goes to 8/10 if in a really good mood, and when doing body practices on top of that (like deep breathing and smile meditation) can dial it up to 9/10. 10/10 happiness would only be reached in deep states of meditation, moments before death/near death experiences or on certain psychedelic drugs.

I'm not shilling for this guy promise, but happen to be re-watching this video atm, very relevant. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lzzu0kel7d0 Ignore the normie references and the advice on happiness is relevant to wizards especially.

>>208800
Still sounds more fun than life in society be it in schools or workplace

This is the most interesting NDE I've ever learned about.

This is another good explanation by Howard of his NDE experience.

>>208687
It would have to be created somehow how did it originate from? It just doesn’t make sense to me. It just doesn’t make sense what keeps me down here in earth. Yes I know gravity but still what traps me in my head and makes me see out of my eyes. I’m unsure why I was given this consciousness when apparently it’s very very unlikely I would have been born due to the amount of other sperms that could have fertilised the egg and the fact I survived birth and didn’t die at all yet.
I’m not sure why I was even given consciousness it’s like it’s something I have to have but I’m not sure why.

>>208752
>It would have to be created somehow how did it originate from?
Why does He have to originate from anywhere at all? The argument is that He has always existed so it is useless to ask 'but where did he come from?'. Just to make things clear, I'm not religious myself and not even theist. I'm just playing the devil's advocate.

>>208752
The inherent fallacy in all metaphysical thinking is assuming that the same laws governing your immediate reality are applicable to a much larger scale and to dimensions outside of our own. You learned by experience that A = A, that time moves forward, to view reality as a causal chain of events and so on, but even the most rudimentary of laws break down outside the system.

>It would have to be created somehow how did it originate from?

It, created, originate from, somehow, would etc. all of these are meaningless outside of our own universe. You can't apply spatial-temporal reasoning to something transcendental like God, because by very definition He transcends those. It's kinda funny when people try to use fundamentally flawed and insufficient tools like logic to explain things beyond their immediate reality. Logic and empirical reasoning are tools for survival that work until they don't.

Who cares about philosophy. I cant even finish a wikipedia article.

I DONT CARE ABOUT TRUTH

>Does anyone else have a defeatist self-pitying attitude?

I've never had that problem which is why therapy never worked for me. They kept trying to treat that problem, but I have a perfectly fine way of evaluating the likelihoods of various outcomes and deciding which path I should take to achieve my goal. I think about risk a lot, but I am always able to accept acceptable risk and never catastrophise or make things worse than they really are. My problem is that I feel anxiety in certain situations no matter what I do or think, often when I understand the risk to be real. This is largely in social situations. As a person living in a society, everything is dependent upon your social relationships and interactions with other people.

As I'm not someone who naturally excels at that, I realize that I can fail at those interactions and be punished terribly as a consequence. Anyone who has ever been "unpopular" understands this. Despite this I don't go into every interaction assuming people are going to hate me or whatever other bullshit therapists assumed, all that happens is I feel a very strong anxiety response because of the uncontrollable risk. I understand how people feel about me is largely up to them and out of my hands, and yet at the same time what I do impacts their assessment of me, but I am not consciously expecting this, it is just an uncontrollable fear response that has nothing to do with what is happening in my head. Can I convince myself that my actions have literally no impact on what someone thinks of me? Not without actively deluding myself and I value my sanity too much. So I feel the fear and the fear makes me fuck up constantly which just compounds the fear.

It's a conditioned response to an undesirable outcome. You feel fear during social interaction, it makes you a retard, people respond negatively to you, the fear gets even worse next time because you fear the same outcome will happen on an unconscious level. It's a self fulfilling prophecy that you can't just think your way out of with optimism and smiles because your rational brain is not in charge of the whole process, at least not for me it isn't. I honestly do not give one fucking shit what any of these random people I interact with think of me, yet I feel the fear every time, even with people I am guaranteed to never interact with again in my life. I'm not battling my mind, I'm battling my out of control emotions which makPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

you will have consequences putting someone with your bullshit

Hanging. I worry about maybe being left alive with a broken neck, that is the one thing that terrifies me, like if the noose doesn't strangle me to death and they recover me in a paralyzed state. So then I think about maybe just trying to do it with strangulation, but then you can end up brain damaged and still survive. I can't pass a background check but I may be able to buy a gun from a private seller, but that also has the risk of surviving with brain damage. In the end I think the double whammy of neck breaking and strangulation will be the most sure method though. I think I might try attaching some weights to me because I only weigh like 135lbs and I'm worried my bodyweight might not be enough. I wish there were more information about what type of rope to use for maximum effect though. I want to buy one even if it will be a while before I use it. I think it will be comforting.

*growls in anglo*
Fuckoff (((normans))).

>>208382
I struggle with this too. It's hard for my father to accept that I'm an autistic shut in, and I feel like such a cunt for forcing the issue when my inability to function becomes such an obvious thing.

It's strange how this life is for us. Many can't kill themselves because of what it would do to our families. After awhile, the pain of disappointing them gets overwhelming. I feel cornered. Not only did this life doom me from the start, it's cutting off all exits, and ruining all copes.

>>208382
You're not going to be able to explain this to them. They don't want to think about it, so they aren't going to listen no matter how you try to explain things.
I've had my parents hospitalize me because they were "concerned" about my mental state and then feed me the "if you'd just get out there and try you'd feel better" talk on the ride home. They're never going to admit there's something wrong with you that's more complicated than pulling up your bootstraps and Just Doing It.

>>208501
This. Even since I gained consciousness I tried to imitate "normal" people, at least in social settings. I was nice, polite, knew how to keep up a conversation but then I got home and slept for several hours because of how draining any social interaction was.
I only got aware of this after a psychotic episode when I thought the whole world was going to end. After that I cut all communication with my "friends" and couldn't be more content.
I'm not happy but I am at peace. I believe that so called happiness is an unachievable concept for us, wizards, anyway since we're not greedy for anything. Unfortunately "normal" people cannot grasp this concept at all because it questions their fundamental way of life.

>>208548
Don't give up on your first try

>>207213
>poisoning is always painful
Not true. A GBL (prodrug to GHB) overdose is an ideal way out and you can buy that shit as a drainpipe cleaner online.

serious question, why do people write suicide notes?

>>208476
Why don't you ask them? :^)

>>208285
I'm not gay, it's something else and its not the main reason I want to kms. This truly is torturous. I can't fucking believe I'm still here. ARGGGHHH how do you overcome survival instinct without alcohol? (I hate it and don't want to be drunk in my last moments)>>208285

>>208494
Ive heard that rehearsing the suicide with dry runs helps a lot in being able to successfully commit suicide. I am not sure how you would do that with your method but it might help.

I think you know or can know the answers to this question.

>>205475
>>205551
>>205763
These

>>205538
this right here

'life experience' will only make you more jaded and misanthropic.

Life experience is traumatizing by nature. Be glad you've managed to live this long without having to endure it.

>>205767
This.

>>205438
I always wondered why people are so eager to do the things they do while I barwly want do anything. Why will we do anything? And why is it good to do anything?

Well there are countless reasons to do things. First of all there seems to be an ontological demand to do things on an existential level. People have to breath, they have to survive, they have bodily necessities and so on. We can't not do things. But then there is a second more aesthetic and human demand to do things that are 'good' in whatever sense that means.

The first thing that comes to mind when people want to do good things is desire. They want to get a job, they want interactions with other people, they want to learn something, they want to follow their hobby, they want a family and so on. Why do they want to do this though? It must be a positive psychological experience associated with these things either while doing them or as a form of expectation that this positive experience will come after pursuing them successfully. This can be summed up as direct or anticipated realization of desire. Desire is the key reason for doing anything in these terms. The negative example here is a person who has always desired but never realized these desires. That person is caught in a downward spiral of growing anhedonia, fatalism, defeatism and depression. The only logical answer if suicide is not yet an option would be to totally negate all personal desires and find another reason to do things. What could that be?

This reason would be what I call apprehension. This is an ethical and religious approach to do things not because they are desirable but because they are the 'right' things to do. Other than desires there is no intrinsic personal value to this and no direct or imagined positive feedback in the experience of these actions. The value stems from connecting personal actions with universal principles or with God. However this reason to do things also has its limits namely the fact that none of this is necessary. Religion and ethics only function as good reasons to do things on the basis of beliefs. Now it might be impossible for some people to believe in anything. What reason to do things is then left?

Well the only thing left if suicide is not an option and you still want more than pure survival thus doing good things is to define good for yourself and formulaPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>205549
> I thought I'd be guaranteed a job if I finished university. It didn't work the first time, so I finished a second degree I had enough credits for. Turns out you had to go turbo-normgroid and either luck out or network to find a job.
Same here, also two degrees. I wish I'd never attended university tbh, useless waste of time

>>208347
What is your condition?
Being dependent on government subsidies takes a toll on someone's self-esteem. Are you sure slowly improving isn't an option?
If you really are sure about your decision:
1. Start journaling for a while and give your notebook to the mental health experts that will evaluate your case.
2. Consult a disability lawyer (Important)
3. Always have a family member with you to show you can't live on your own.
4. Pretend you get easily irritated, don't know social clues and act cringy on purpose.

Act like you are paranoid or delusional

>>208347
>How hard is it to get on disability for severe mental illness?
Moderately difficult, but not impossible. The problem is that a mental illness that's legitimately bad enough that the government will accept you cannot work is almost certainly going to be bad enough that you need intensive psychiatric care, probably in a hospital. The government offices are not going to buy "I'm depressed and have no energy for a job". They're going to expect you to be psychotic or otherwise obviously insane, and if you go into a disability office and act like you're psychotic you're either going to get mailed to a shrink or an ER.
You can get disability for depression, but it's like pulling teeth to push it through.

if you're too dep to find a job you're gonna be too dep to jump through all the hoops to get gibs, at least in america

In the US if you have a host of medical paperwork and are currently seeing a therapist and are prescribed a strong antipsychotic (don't need to take it just fake it) you have a good shot. Get a disability attorney and you won't even have to leave your house more than 2-3 times.

The scary part is if the government all of the sudden changes its mind and considers you "not actually disabled" you have to pay ALL of the money back.