/dep/ - Depression

I'm tired, boss. Tired of being on the road, lonely as a sparrow in the rain. I'm tired of never having me a buddy to be with to tell me where we're going to, coming from, or why. Mostly, I'm tired of people being ugly to each other. I'm tired of all the pain I feel and hear in the world… every day. There's too much of it. It's like pieces of glass in my head… all the time. Can you understand?

I literally got top employee performance of the year two times in a row for exemplary performanceby corporate (not to mention I do unpaid overtime)

And yet because I don't participate in their coffee room gossip and office bullshit (mind you these people are about 20% as productive as me) they want me to lose my job because I don't "match the energy of the community".

Do I just have to suck it up and kms, before I become homeless? Since without a salary that's going to be within 12 months.

todai I learned Helicobacter Pylori bacteria reduces your B12 vitamin levels as well as iron levels.


My diet is weird also

I need to pass a breath Helicobacter Pilori test (or vomit into a cup a little, I suppose)

maybe that's where my ruined mood comes from

I know the truth.
We didn't have a normal childhood, and if we did at some point during childhood, puberty, or adolescence, we screwed up and were rejected or abandoned or some fucked up thing.
>Ptsd
A few days ago, I read that people with PTSD have a characteristic lack of light and permanent dilated pupils in their eyes, as if they were almost dead. I looked at photos from my childhood, and at a certain age, I already looked terrible just by looking my eyes and face, from genuine happyness to pure sadness.
>Do you want to vent and tell me a story about some traumatic shit?
I have vague memories of tunnel vision dissociation after being rejected and abandoned as a child and another one as teenager. I wouldn't wish that experience to anyone.

>Avpd
I wonder if this shit is just a process of dehumanization every damn day. I feel out of step or out of alignment with the normies' charade of pretending that everything is fine. I can barely fake it with family members and some close acquaintances (who are not my friends but are friends of my family) and with childrens, I don't want them to end up like me either.
I'm going to say something that makes me cringe, but this year I felt a very stupid happiness because someone who is not part of my family expressed interest or curiosity about me. I don't know if them did it out of morbid curiosity or genuine interest in some form of human kindness, but it made me feel temporarily happy and not so alone and isolated. And no, it wasn't the typical “Are you okay?” that leads to the automatic fake response of ‘'Yes'’ or “Yes, but I'm just now busy and a little tired.”
If only I could make friends or find something similar to human companionship, like with my pets, I wouldn't feel so alone.
I miss playing video games like TF2, WoW, CS, other MMOs, ending up in long hours games and parties laughing with randoms, Even there, I connected with those who were disconnected and found support and friendship. Thank you for that.

Every morning I'm nauseous, really nauseous, sometime I puke and when I'm not nauseous I get random abdominal pain.
When I'm not nauseous or in pain I may have shortness of breath and tachycardia, often I'm also constipated.
Despite the vomit and constipation I try to eat and drink as much as I can, I'm losing weight and I fear to end up bedbound if I don't do so.
I've done some medical tests like blood tests, endoscopy, ecography, with no evidence of disease…still I'm really sick.
And my problem is I'm monitored by my parents, despite being an adult I have no freedom and they don't want to help me with suicide but I can't live like this.
I'm being tortured with no end in sight.

is vocaloid for trannies?

Everything you see is controlled by algorithms.

The internet algorithms are gang stalking me.

The costs of lives burdens is meant for the backs of two so how does one prosper alone?

I feel like I have a big black hole instead of my heart. it happens when I'm sad. It 100% comes from my depression for sure. it hurts because it's like someone stabbed you and you can feel the hole and it hurts even more and I get more depressed and I feel like the hole is growing bigger and heavier. it hurts so much when it happens. no hobby can satisfy me to fill the hole. the hole acts like a black hole and absorbs every positive thinking or things.
anyone felt/feels that and how did you overcome it?

Reminder to take your vitamins, especially "fish oil" one " Vitamin D3



they say Vitamin D3, because "Vitamin D" sounds like an euphemism, kekeke