/dep/ - Depression

>>304175
You don't know any autistic guys then, you know people that call themselves autistic to gain some sort of social special scores.

>>301831
Yes.

I am convinced that I have some kind of partial paralysis of my mouth muscles, or a nervous system issue. (The latter being likely because I suspect my hand coordination is very sub-normal too).

S and Th are both hard, neither can form really well. I struggle with long vowel sounds too, particularly with difficult consonants like L or P. Sometimes too when I try to initiate speech, things just don't move, like I have to actually fire that "go" signal several times before it takes. These problems persist no matter how carefully and intentionally I approach the speech. It's a physical issue.

Everyone thinks I'm some kind of downy by default. Never had an inability to control my volume though, unless you count naturally having a very soft speaking tone due to a lifetime of people literally visibly recoiling in disgust when I speak.

>>304177
>You don't know any autistic guys then, you know people that call themselves autistic to gain some sort of social special scores.
I know one guy who said he had Asperger's, although they don't use that definition anymore. If he hadn't told me, I wouldn't have noticed, and I know another guy who has all the traits of having something unusual that maybe sound like autism to me.
It's more because of his behavior than anything else. He wouldn't fit in with normies if you compare him to the first one, although the first one doesn't fit in with normies either, except for pretending or hiding certain behaviors.
>Also
And yes, this was before all that bullshit about inclusion, diversity, and neurodiversity became fashionable, as if it were an umbrella term, and even for everything weird, due to embarrassment or lack of interest in having to know or be overly specific and explain every damn personal problem on the part of normies or educational authorities or other idiots just to reduce the term to neurodiversity or wathever.

>>304493
yeah the Th sound is hard, I remember getting sent to speech class from K-5, never fixed it. its crazy u got to stick your tongue between your teeth everytime.

well these days i dont even use th when typing, its always about dis and dat

some have compared my weird flat voice to Walken, so he's my role-model, he makes it cool

you should look up guro if you want to satisfy this desire even more

It's a fun way to vent. I made a comic series albeit quite bad about an outcast wagie. Not entirely original but I get to plagiarize my real life experiences

>>304421
>Hatred through art
>Knowing the hedonist succubi stroll
>was eating away at me so I drew for a bit in an attempt to extend my range of patience.
>I think I'm in a spot right now where I feel neutral
>but that can't stop me from knowing how disgusting and vile they are, and how even just existing is
Sound like a crabdom with a succubi rent free 24/7 in the head.

I like drawing cute lolis and chibis sometimes (not in a sexually way you know) so i dont have a problem with that. so it can fullfiling just learning to draw or do emotion in arts.
>Also
At this point Crabdom gonna be normal in this place… fuck.

>>304482
not gonna argue, i definitely feel like i have reverted to age 16-20 mentally/emotionally but I was mid 30s when everything fell apart. Gotta rebuild. Maybe the weed is just fucking with my perception of meaning or making me more of a pussy. I guess what i realize is that before when I had more meaning it was easier to work my ass off. Now it's like what's the point? Why not just chill and smoke weed instead of grinding?

>>304483
you really need to quit smoking weed
it fucks with your perception of things it can literally cause you to be paranoid or schizo

>>304484
in HS/college/employment i could smoke weed to tune out during my down time after class or work. now without the social structures around school/employment (no regular social contact) and without the daily obligations creating my routine/schedule, i just smoke all day every day and i'm just tuning out ALL of my time now. it's starting to feel gross. i'm not schizo but i think schizoid for sure

this is my sign it's time for a change

maybe i cant fix everything in my life but i can at least focus on quitting weed as my next goal

If you enjoy doing drugs then continue to do so by all means. If you enjoy wageslaving then get back to that. What's even the problem here?

My opinion is that there are plenty of wageslaves in this world, if you can afford then just NEET and do what you like, even if that includes doing drugs. At least that way you at least contribute to the destruction of society in a way…

Also
>college
>solid employment for many years
Can't relate at all. Too normal for me. The most I managed to finish was high school because I lost interest entirely in doing socially approved things at that point and from then on just retreated into my shell pretty much.

>>304486
i enjoy doing drugs
i enjoy playing games a lot too
but i do not really enjoy where this lifestyle carries me
when weeks turn into months and months into years
and i realize i smoked so much of it away while feeling anxious and lonely, or i get sick of a game and the rank I worked so hard for doesn't even mean anything to me anymore once I uninstall.

i miss how easy it felt when I was part of a cohort of students or coworkers. Being disconnected from it for years now I don't know how I can ever re-integrate and find meaning in society again

or how do I forget all that and find meaning in an endless video game drug binge? That one i've tried and it can't really be done long term so I just feel like I'm at the end of the road and need to make a change

quitting weed will be a start i guess

>>304317

I gave up on society and got some skills and started working in IT from home, freelance.

Where are you planning to work that is advertised as a solitary vocation?

Why are boomer customers so fucking retarded? I had this happen to be 10+ times today:

>Old boomer asks me where something is
>"That's in number 12"
>The boomer scowls and just stares at me
>"Number 12 sir"
>It continues looking at me
>I decide fuck it and get back to what I was doing
>"DON'T YOU WALK AWAY FROM ME"

… Luckily at my job I can tell them to fuck off if they act up, which I take insane pleasure in doing so.

>>304463
Some folks (myself included) could use a reminder like

>AISLE number 12

or even

>see plaques with numbers? See the one with twelve on it. Should be somewehre there.

>>304465
I can kind of tell when someone is slow/dumb/needs extra help. I'm more upset at them just looking at me for too long and being rude after I gave them the EXACT answer. Even literal gang bangers act more polite than these types.

>>304470
Ha, had some guy lose his phone and was asking what I was going to do about it (I'm calling the black helicopters for you right now sir, We'll get to the bottom of this!). Agreed on the sketchy crowd, I'd rather deal with them.

>>302983
> Meanwhile I had all those shit and was only made fun for having "old" hardware by chads in school or in the neighborhood that I hang out with because they all already had flat screens or curved LED monitors.Its incredibly frustrating to see something I was basically bullied for (being poor) is now worshipped by brainless rich tards in tik tok buying them at thrift stores or garage sales. I fucking hate this gay world planet.

You was supposed to wear funny "haha funny 8-bit world is kewl" tier merch - pixel-art (MINECRAFT-themed) merch/MARIO/YOSHI/LUIGI/BOWSER badges, play Minecraft sometimes (5 hour experience + some vids on HOW TO BUILD A HIDDEN BASE on YouTube would be fine) etc.


impose it's yer choice, not necessity
it's like not wearing DISCO THEME HOT SHIT if you only own a tape player with a bunch of 80s/70s funk/fusion

>>302957
You really did make an entire thread to reply to my post.
Quite insane.
Also took a while for me to even check the catalog.

>>302973
Yeah the change isn't only noticed by people my age, it really depends on what age you gained internet access and what parts you got exposed to initially.
I still had an atari for example, but not because I was into retro anything, or because I'm old enough to be one of its users, it's just that rural poverty meant we got everything much later than the rest of the world.
Then when I got exposed to the internet I was lead by my "elders" as well.

I'm sure even zoomers notice, you mention minecraft, a lot of those early creators, though I didn't consume much, but some were big enough that reached me too, they used to be much different.
They were… creative and authentic. Nowadays all of it feels way too intentionally crafted to be a brand, something to sell, something to make money from.

Every space online has been way too commercialized and normiefied and the issue is that there are more and more people who have only seen this version of the internet and they love it. So if you don't, there is no space for you and they will make it very clear.
It is sad.

>More like, people didnt exactly 'change', they began to show their true colors.
I disagree with this to an extent. Again, the people I used to be around moved on with their lives. They didn't start showing their true color, it's just that they matured and had different priorities.
So what I'm trying to say here is that there is a difference between the oldheads baring their teeth. You might be right about some of them, but most just moved on in my opinion and the ones that replaced them are simply a different breed accustomed to a different "normal".
You know, don't tell people your name, don't post anything about yourself type people were replaced with those that lived life online in public like it's normal.
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

Posted some relevant info in /games/

I wonder of cute Two-Bees will be a thing in 30 years or so

>>302958
Yeah, I feel that as well. When I was younger, I had this plan to "live online", basically to avoid the regular life of chasing things like money and succubi and just enjoy browsing the internet after I graduated.

The more time passed, the more I felt alienated from this digital hellscape, to the point where I tried to "escape" back into the real world to get away from it all. I feel spiritually homeless on the internet and never fit in with others in meatspace as well.

>>302983
God, I fucking hate zoomers and them chasing after certain "aesthetics".
t.zoomer

>>301262
Anonymage are you still with us?? How did the meds help & are you still taking them??
Some gay doctor prescribed me the exact same (15mg mirtazapine) for sleep issues & it's actually helping me be more productive for once. I don't wanna fry my brain on this shit though. I'm thinking of taking it on alternating weeks until I get my underlying issues fixed, not sure if that's too much though.

I was on prozac for a while and I'm pretty confident it made my memory worse but most of all it killed my dick. I almost want to kill the doctors that prescribed it to me before I die

>>304430
I had the same experience (impotence) with antidepressants…what's up with that? Why do they kill your dick? Realized then and there that these pills come from the devil himself and that I should avoid them like the plague if I can. Also, never trust psychiatrists, psychologists and supposedly "mental health professionals", they don't know shit, it's all about conducting experiments on humans for some big jewish pharma company.

>>304439
You're right on everything. It's experiments, you should never ever trust these "people". I don't know why they kill your dick but it's truly devilish. They make you numb. You don't feel anything. For me, this started after I stopped taking them and it's been like that since a year, no libido, no orgasm. Once a week I'll go insane over this issue. right now I am tearing up, just can't think of something else. I don't want to be part of this world anymore. Nothing brings me true happiness lately. Avoid them like the plague wizs.

>>304440
Wow, that sounds horrible, my case was only temporary, I only took the pills for a few weeks and when I went impotent I stopped immediately and after a couple of days everything went back to normal…Your case actually sounds like something you could take legal steps to get some money out of it for compensation, if you have the time and money for a lawyer…That's fucking ruining your life-tier bullshit. If you live in the 1st world and have the means, sue them in court.

>>304357
>psychological damage
you have no slightest idea what this is. you're larping as an ugly guy. your wall of text summarizes to
>yeah Im not ugly but what about…
>I think you just want to start a circular conversation that it's not going anywhere.
Im sorry to break your larp but you're not ugly and your problems are not as bad as you think they're.

im on neetbux i and i spend it on bullshit. i couldve saved to get a car but i just keep power electronics albums. fuck me

>>304444
what do you buy?

>>304447
CD's, cassette, vinyl, of harsh noise and power electronics albums

>>304449
based physical autism. one of the little joys of my life is buying doujin cds

>>304356
Crab. Also that website looks sarcastic, like it was made by succubi making fun of virgin men.

>>304376
men falling out of society and stopping breaking their backs for them is their worst nightmare

Not gonna lie to you
That site >>304356 and this >>304404 sound oddly like a feminist.

>>304407
we're all neets here, fuck off

>>304407
>feminism is when men stop supporting a broken system that discriminates them and which is built to benefit and give preference to females wants and needs
what a retard.

A man solved schizophrenia by having a brain tumor out. An old succubus also stopped it by leaving cereals away from diet.

What have you done this far against it?

>>303553
It does not matter. They are useless and I should have dropped by 13 yrs old. Without fear.

>>303554
Then ghost her and go the way your mind needs you to go. Take care of energy and fuck anything else.

>>303753
>An old succubus also stopped it by leaving cereals away from diet.


PLAP PLAP PLAP GET GLUTEN GET GLUTE GET GLUTEN XDDDDDDDD t. her body giving her organic disease

>>302688
You are on disability bux and you can spend all your time isolated, doing what you want. Sounds like the ideal life to me.

>>302665
Same age as you but I don't have a significant problem with my situation. Been NEETing/almost-hikkiing since I was 20 so it will soon be 9 years. My only woe is that this will end sooner or later. OH well, what can you do?

warpwaning

>>299368
>How do you guys deal with fatigue, if at all.
"Shall live and die by the fuck you". If providence wants me to be a slave OK I couldn't care less. I can't seem to comprehend how the fuck I am supposed to do anything when I basically have two options
1. Wake up late and be sleepy all day
2. Wake up early and be miserable all day
I have realized that the amount sleep doesn't matter. I'm just fucked up by the Gods themselves. Days when I feel acceptably well happen as often as you find a pattern in white noise.

>>299368

OK, so, I am going to spill some *seemingly offtopic* idea: try optimizing your sleeping station.
Reasoning is that… so you *could* - *probably*, at least - get higher quality sleep, by not aching while sleeping.
PROFIT: you will recharge better for the same sleeping time.

CONTEXT: I mean, sleeping on trashy bed >>> bad sleep despite "proper" hours of sleep >>> fatigue… >>> errors

Details: well, it happened to me! Twice or even "thrice"!

1. I had a too warm blanket. A wool blanket, "normal" for an old house, was too warm for me in our brand new heat-insulated apartment. I bought a cotton blanket - half the insulation - for 20$ or so recently and woke up so well-rested I remeber thinking "and… how come no one have told me this before?!?!"
2. I got a cool matress this year! Slapped it atop my cheap "sofa bed" with a huge crack (two 200x70 sleeping cusions, but not a single 200x140) My back finally stpped aching.

3. Also, I got a good big pillow (I am a big person, as in both tall and fat)
Without it, I have a harder time sleeping

4. AC in the summer. (Or a dehumidifier and a bunch of spare water bottles, at least… not sure if that's a good idea though)

5. Get a set of disposeable nose expanders to see if your sleep improves. If it does, well, check yourself for "Sleep apnea" stuff. REASON: What if you *need* a CPAP mask but you don't know about it yet?

The solution is getting diagnosed for adhd and getting precscribed stimulants. If you can control to urge to binge them, and take them as prescribed - it is LIFE CHANGING