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My 33rd birthday in a month, but im deciding to check out early.
I've got Vicodin, whisky, and a noose.
im going to no fap for the next 2 weeks then have dinner with my mom and kill myself.
i'd like to live stream it if possible.

anyone else want some free shit. ive got an alien ware p.c like 2k dollars worth of pellet guns. about 2k worth of books. dragonlance novels philosophy books, Schopenhauer and ligotti. ive got a bunch of stuff thats going to either be burned or thrown away. the p.c is decent, its only about 2 years old, barely been used. alien ware desktop with a gtx1060.
you can pick it from my house today. ill give you my info.

anyways. i love you virgins. im sorry life is this way. happy gaming. happy purple epics on world of warcraft.
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why are you such a crab, pulling others down?


NTA but why do you assume that someone wishing to die having died is a negative thing? pulling someone down could be ignoring their freedom to not live anymore.


OP, are you still with us?


Live out of spite. Don't give life the satisfaction.


I hope you're still alive. Don't kill yourself, get some help, some form of reassurance.


Any of you live in shitholes where there's mandatory drafting that is only evaded through joining some organisation or worse - by applying to university? I hate living here holy shit. This is common in post soviet countries
4 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


Up to 30 in Finland and it's not even a post-soviet shithole


Might as well be, holy shit anon.


Some countries have an alternative to mandatory military service called Alternative Civil Service, they will take some percentage from your salary if you have a job if not then they'll find one for you and there is a specific period when you can apply if you'll miss the deadline then its over, only other option is to find somebody that managed to bribe himself out and ask him for contacts and info. but that is kinda risky


It’s the same in my country and it has nothing to do with any of the soviet history or the west in general except political relations/trading etc. I’m in Egypt


Most Finns seem ok with it. It is one of the best countries to live in, and it is at risk of war with Russia. It is generally thought that any forced participation in war would be due to an existential threat from Russia.
For the mandatory 1 year service, some sort of civil service is possible instead of the full military experience. I think perhaps it facilitates young people to gain independence. It sounds easy to get a mental illness exception if you just tell a doctor youre depressed etc.

I didnt understand it before living there. In my country I couldnt imagine being patriotic, but Finland is actually nice, so I can understand that people would be willing to defend it.


So many things people say about personalities just seem so retarded and LARPy and just seem like they are masturbating over themselves because they’ve been on too much social media.

Like I hear a lot of people say that they “work on themselves”. What the fuck does that mean? Work on them like how you work on a car? Are they saying they got a lobotomy?
Or people often tell me I need to find something I’m interested in and pursue it. But isn’t that what everybody does all their lives? Do they think I’ve spend my whole life doing things I’m not interested in? I’m not that fucking stupid.

Who even are we? And how do we know who we are?

I don’t think we can ever have knowledge of ourselves as things in itself. But psychology tells us that we come to know facets of ourselves by socialization. Just like how in physics there is always an inertial frame of reference, we judge ourselves against the looking glass of our perceptions of what others perceive us.

Imagine if you had two computer monitors, each hooked up to a camera. Each camera points at the opposite monitor. You turn everything on simultaneously. What do the monitors display?
Now you have two microphones set up right next to each other. You turn both on at the same time. What is the sound that they make?

I am the monitor responding to the camera feed of other monitors responding to their camera feed. You are cacophony of microphones amplifying in tandem together. There is no me without you and no you without me. I am everyone, and yet I am no one.

Everything we do, everything we are, is with other people in mind. It was never about anything else than convincing each other that it was about something else. You work on yourself by changing others perceptions of you. Interests is just desirability in its act of confirming to norms of social acceptability. I am trying to convince you of this, and you will try to convince me that it’s bullshit. Nothing is even real
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In your opinion physical exercise doesn't improve health and general attitude?


In my humble opinion physical exercise has nothing to do with the self and thus has nothing to do with self improvement.


One can improve their mental and physical health as well as their material conditions of living. However improving the self is just a meme. When people talk about self improvement it generally just means that they try to heighten their position in the societal hierarchy, it's 'social improvement'. Or to put it bluntly, it means for them to increase their chances to get pussy.

The actual self refers to the possibility of men to know thyself. Following the path of self exploration interestingly can lead to isolation and withdrawal of the social world. The wizardly self improvement is the direct opposite of what normal people understand as self improvement. It means to be content by yourself instead of putting work in to impress other people.


Self-aware primates. Nothing more than that. Nothing to learn, nothing to "achieve". Do what thou wilt. You will be a rotting cadaver before long. Work 100 hour weeks like some career possessed normie or slump in front of chans all day. It makes no difference whatsoever in the end.


I see, I guess this is anecdotal evidence, but for me it makes a tremendous difference.
When my thighs are so fat they rub against eachother, when I can't lift myself up on a shoulder height obstacle, when there's no spring in my step - I get irritable, I get depressed, it begins a self-loathing spiral. For me physical exercise is important in managing my mood.
Mens sana in corpore sano.

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losing my ability to form sentences and write in correct grammar.
why is this happening to me, it's like im losing my ability on how to write correctly and form sentences correctly. if i were to do an english test like one i did 2 years ago (i scored 100% in it btw) i don't even think i could score 80%
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I get like this and unlike what others say I never found anything helped but waiting for it to pass. find something else to die until your brain gets out of the mud pit.
congrats on not having psychological problems that cannot be fixed with a diet


doesn't work


Did you try it?


not him but I have. This is just like people who say do X or Y which helps people who dont actually have anything really wrong with them aside from some self inflicted problems they can clear up by removing the source of the problem.
why do you improvbrahs think everyone is just porn addicted or whatever like yourselves?


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I guess there's no cure for retardation.

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I am in pain, no need to describe it. I am your fellow wizard brother and I want you to help me get rid of this pain. I am calling YOU for help here.

I am ready to die. Third-world poor so I can only get my hands on a rope or slit my wrists. I'm cool with slitting wrists. Just don't know where to start with it.

Whatever violent thing I have to do to my body like deep cuts, I'm not scared at all. It's just, I don't know where to lie down or how to make it faster. I'm deeply sorry things has gotten this way. BUT I DON'T CARE. I feel liberated now. Getting shitfaced meanwhile.

Please respond. Not attentionwhoring or taking pictures of myself, but I might show pictures of my last cave/resting place. For you to see this wizard was a human too. Or I'll just ignore that part.
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it's boring


you're boring.



The Haibane are there for suicide and Reki is of the most suicide tier 'angels'. She committed suicide by train (of which is very Japanese a thing to do). All of them died 'wrongful' deaths and are there for that reason, or so it is implied.

Also taste is a thing in regards to what you think is boring. Some people like From The New World over stuff like Jojo.


Forget suicide and smoke meth instead


I am rewatching Haibane Renmei as I write this.
I tried to read the book it was partially said to be inspired from (a hardboiled winter wonderland) but it was not my thing.

Any theories about the show? Rakka is a good Haibane

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>fw constantly assailed by disgusting intrusive thoughts
>trying not to think about them makes you think about them because of 'ironic thought process'
Have any wizards defeated this demon? It's killing me. I can't even be left alone in my head anymore.
5 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


I wish I could take control of my mind and the thought that come across. I barely wake up in the morning, and my mind goes at full throttle.



It sometimes passes through my mind but never stationary. I do not know exactly where it cometh from.


The only way to deal with it is to disengage with it as soon as it happens and try to refocus. No way to stop it.


>intrusive memories/rumination
I try to imagine it as my hyper critical mother infecting my mind and catch myself as soon as I realize I’m doing it.
>intrusive sexual/violent imagery
No idea. I’ve had this since I was at least 11/12 and it’s always deeply disturbed and disgusted me. Really tight/pressure undergarments sometimes help it a bit, maybe, but not really.


Happens all the time to me. The way I "deal" with it is by flinching violently, sometimes several times in succession if the thought is still lingering. Sometimes it's accompanied by a semi-loud grunt.
I say "deal" in quotation marks because this method is one borne out of desperation. It's not something I'm content with. Several times I've done this flinching completely involuntarily, surprising myself when it happens. Sometimes I've even done it, also involuntarily but more rarely, when the intrusive thought has already passed. So it's a problem in and of itself.

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Humans in general are kinda soy and don't love me. What do? There seems to be no hope bros
4 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


This might be the case, most wizards probably experienced coming across as disagreeable or whatever to others without seemingly doing anything wrong, but it was precisely that bland default state of mind less permeated by culture than it should be that was off-putting all along. Being alone for too long is very detrimental to that of course. But it's not only that. Because it doesn't matter how primal you are, your psyche is still one of a western/modern individual so it makes one into an incoherent monstrosity full of anxieties and internal conflicts and ultimately one comes across as an arrogant asshole or a retard or whatever although there is real suffering there, the constant feeling that one can't relate on a core psychological level. But these are just some theories i pulled out from my ass anyway


Porn, Drugs, being intolerant.


Why are you even here, zoomer? Just make a thread on r9k.


>just make a thread on r9k.
That's what he did.


good post


What does it mean to succeed in life?Why do people keep shoving this in my face without even explaining what this means?I don't know why i care about it either and why i should succeed.My brain must be brainwashed because it makes me feel bad for something i don't know,something it thinks i have to do.I don't want to care about any of this,i just want to only be interested in my games,anime and work my comfy job.Why must my subconcious torment me daily and make me feel bad what am i supposed to do?How can i stop it from talking?How can i reach mental peace?I don't want to succeed or do anything i just want to do my own things until i am prepared to kill myself without being bothered or tortured by my own brain.Please help me how can i make this pain go away
5 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


>Crabs think success is sex and being chad but they fail to understand what it means to be human beyond their flawed perspective and what it means to be human.

Hat down, sire.


Survival, but there's no point in that.


I work as a driver for a medical company,i deliver blood tests between labs with minimal interaction,same schedule everyday


You made it. From my perspective you are a very successful person. Successful in life for having a comfy job and spending time as you wish. What else could you possibly want?


This. That job sounds mega comfy. I was a merchandiser for awhile and I just stocked products at grocery stores part time with almost no interaction and never any supervision. I milked hundreds of hours by clocking more than I worked on our reporting system. Even I am jealous of your job.

I think you still have some crabby desires loitering in your mind like sex and social validation, because otherwise you’ve “made it”

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 No.246796[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

i saw this thread >>>/lounge/275733 and i used to be the same way and i thought every day was a blessing to be alive and i LOVED playing video games and eating food. i was happy pretty much every single day starting at age 16 when i dropped out of high school.
im 26 now though, it's been 10 years, 10 years of sitting in this chair consuming media and scrolling endlessly on image boards and twitter. now every day is ruthlessly painful, mentally and physically.
i slept 16 hours yesterday because im tired for no discernible reason, maybe malnutrition. both arms hurt from carpal tunnel, i have back pain from scoliosis, i have shoulder pain from anxiety, my teeth are rotting out of my head and cause fevers and i can't afford to get them fixed. im scared anytime i leave the house. i hate everybody, i hate everything.
i try to consume old stuff i grew up with to relive the good times. but i can't, because it's become hateable. watching these anime i used to like is just a constant eyeroll, i roll my eyes and fast forward every few minutes because it's become such a cringe slog of childish cliches.

the teeth are the worst part. ive been thinking about killing myself because my teeth are making me sicker every day and it's pretty much all of them, the only hope for me is to have them all extracted and replaced with dentures, but that's 10 grand. i think i just have to kill myself before my teeth cause a brain infection and do it for me.

which brings me to my point which is: isnt this the experience that all wizards will have someday sooner rather than later?
sitting in a chair talking to no one for entire years objectively causes agoraphobia and many many physical health issues, i'll probably start shitting blood soon from damaging my body sitting down all day.
if you aren't depressed, it's because you haven't been wizard for long enough.
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>neets don't go outside, don't procreate or have normal family and friends, dont have the money to do much of anything, don't have a career or participate in their local community
etc etc
>"lol dumbass neets trying to find meaning in some of the only things they have access to like guitar and drawing"
alright bro


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"Non-depressed wizards" are dysgenic retards coping hard.


All life is coping


Philosophy isn’t a life task


hi coyote21

[Last 50 Posts]

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I am 22 years old and have literally spent on/off the last seven or so years trying to cope with the way I was insulted and mocked by nearly everyone in class,including literal succubus, whislt I just quietly sat there, taking the brunt of it. I would go into depth regarding my situation, but I don't want to be humiliated anyfurther.
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>taking drugs is like staring at a blank canvas, hallucinating and having a really big sense that there is something meaningful there but you can neither articulate it or point to it


>it's an experience that can be shared, communicated and pondered.
So are drug experiences. I suggest that you read Aldous Huxley's book The Doors of Perception.

Drugs don't remove you from physical reality. One of my favourite things to do while tripping is to look at paintings. Every time I will notice details or metaphors that I missed before. Years later I still look at the same paintings and remember what I noticed while high: genuine details and intentional symbols that are really there, that I discovered by using the drug as a tool. People likewise use psychedelics to produce art, which communicates their experiences and thoughts, and provides material for others to consume for years to come. Much popular art has been produced while under the influence of drugs.


good post. Psychedelics can aid you in thinking and brainlets dont go further then "im tripping balls mahhn"


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all advice i can find about the trauma/abuse is in lines of
>focus on here and now or just stop thinking about it
but what if there's nothing else to focus on? no job, no hobbies, no friends/family, no vidya/anime
how i'm not supposed to be this empty husk filled with regret and pain when there's nothing ahead of me


Blank canvas, start painting or just rope.

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