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I feel confident making this thread because I've already told the mental health system, and they're not contacting the police. So I guess if they're not too worried, it's fine?

I'm not well lads. I've been on the brink of killing people over the last few weeks. I have really bad autism and my flight/fight instincts are stuffed up. Whenever people confront me, I don't handle it too well. I try to rationally talk my way through it, and if that doesn't work, I freeze up, and from there it becomes a binary thing where I'll escalate things to murder or I'll fall apart.

A few months ago I had a succubus break into where I live, she was in love with the person I live with I think. This was at one in the morning, I tried to kick her out and tell her to go. She looked at me smugly and said 'oh, you work for so and so right, well you won't be for much longer'. Then she started saying she'll tell the cops I deal drugs and touched her. She left after that, I was standing there horrified. But I almost, fucking almost, smashed her head in against the breakfast bar. I wanted to smash her face in so hard she'd never be able to smile or look presentable again. I wanted to leave the entire kitchen besmeared with her blood by the time I deformed her.

I cried for hours with these thoughts, my hands were shaking and I couldn't sleep. I had a work shift in 5 hours at the time and I remember just crying at work.

I'm having similar confrontations. People yelling at me, screaming at me. Just recently almost stabbed the people to death, walking right up to where they lived with a pile of knives in my hand from the kitchen. I was so close to doing it, but instead I fell apart and destroyed the house I was in. Screaming profusely and expressing pure visceral anger.

I'm deeply sad and broken friends.
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You really should have killed her. If she was breaking in there'd probably be no one who knew she went there. You could dispose of the body and no one would be the wiser.


A few hours later apparently she was threatening suicide. I think she was a classic case of borderline.

A few weeks, she did the same thing minus the attempted rape threats to someone I work with. A middle aged man in his forties, whose son was seeing her, she tried attempting that shit when she attempted to lie his way into the son's bedroom. She tried the whole "You know your son deals drugs, right" angle when she got thrown out.


That is def a borderline. Those people destroy themselves. Letting her live is punishment enough


Violent thoughts and fantasies, well, I wouldn't go as far as to call them “normal” but it doesn’t automatically make you a bad person. No matter how vile they are, they’re still just thoughts. The only person they can hurt is yourself.


Violent thoughts just mean you are less domesticated than the average person. Aggression is a product of evolutionary pressure and there is nothing wrong with having it. Do not feel ashamed of them.

You should only feel ashamed when you let your violent thoughts turn into violent actions, especially if it occurs impulsively. Never lose control of yourself. Violent thoughts should only turn into violent actions if it has proper moral justification and is in defense of something, never out of impulse or anger.

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Has anyone started planning or actually did,any activity,hobby,or plan which requires loss of the fear of death,or stopping care about long-term ?
for example going to a third world country,being agressive in the street,so on. I view the depressed as having trespassed the threshold of fearing death,and thus,being inmune to the fear,they are liberated towards danger.
tl;dr: are you guys gonna go wild now that you don't care anymore?
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Also lmao at this crablike power trip fantasies.


No I'm aware of my powerlessness as another filthy ape but if I could change or nuke reality I would do it instantly


Not caring about death doesn't make you immune to the risks of being pain, being crippled, institutionalized or imprisoned


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Death is not scary. Dying is scary friend. It's not how you see it on tv shows and movies. Dying takes a long time. You don't get stabbed and instantly lose consciousness and die. You sit there. In agonising pain. For 10-20 minutes sometimes hours while you leak out blood. One blow doesn't kill you. You once again endure agonising pain, blow after blow to year head/body. Feeling each one. Takes a long time. And whose to say someone psycho won't kidnap you and torture you for his amusement. Think twice before doing anything retarded like OP suggests.
>If you're suicidal, the world is your oyster
>you got nothing to lose
Wrong. Very, very wrong.


i must Reject your description of the world being an osyer being"wrong",and insist on it ,indeed BEING your oyster if you're suicidal

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This is kind of a follow up to the previous thread "The end of the wizards?", I thought about making a direct continuation but there's not much left to be said is there? (Plus teen LARP'ers plague these type of threads).

So a better question to be asked is "Where will you go when everything is gone?" It's a hyperbolic question but the internet, which I'd argue is the home of many current wizards, is almost completely turfed out at this point.

For now I'm hanging on to the few threads remaining across a few sites, but now I have to start thinking of something to replace it.
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Probably nowhere, I consider the internet already dead to me save for some small scraps like this on it. It just gets worse and worse as mind controlled smart phone zombies continually dominate it getting offended at every turn. Large sites like say youtube still have plenty of content to kill time with or get find some new music whatever but that's a huge exception that I'll probably still use but not interact because I currently don't see a reason too.


The internet is too connected nowadays. A lot of retards spamming the same shit "current" memes from reddit/4chan/discord everywhere they go.
The more obscure an imageboard/forum is the better.
>Where will you go when everything is gone?
There are some good small tightly knit communities left that I frequent. If I say which ones they will stop being small tightly knit so I'll pass.
When everything will be gone though… I dunno. I'll completely switch to being a lurker, I guess.


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>where are you going


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Good to see how many people are in agreement in this thread as to the tragically woeful state of this site these days. It's kind of jarring, since I've sometimes brought this sort of thing up myself a few times in the past and most either just shouted me down, hand waved away my comments, ignored me, or told me to leave. Again, it's just weird is all. The way I expressed it must just have either came off as very inflammatory or very boring, I guess.

Anyway, I have no answers. 8chan's /hikki/ was basically the only board I went to other than here and now it's merely a thing of the past. As it stands, I just try to "limit my vision", as it were, to the certain threads, or specific sections, of this site that I find to be somewhat less cancerous than the others. It's hardly much of a solution & rarely works, but I'm an extremely isolated & desperate individual with no other alternatives. Despite using it for so long now, the internet remains to me to be an extremely foreign, unwelcoming & disappointing place. All the sign posts point nowhere and there's nothing & no one to guide me. Never been in a chat room, never been part of a forum or community that wasn't anonymous, I've never never even sent someone a private message. I have no history or sense of place & feel very much feel like an outsider & a stranger no matter where it is I go. When all's said & done, I think I'll always simply be a lurker. Lurking, and sometimes participating, in various cesspools as I come across them. Given how clueless & out of touch I am though, if I can manage to find somewhere then that probably means 1000 other people have already gotten there first &, more than likely, wrecked it. I have no contacts or secret places, so, again, I'm pretty much screwed.


>I feel like a fucking stranger on the internet these days.

I'm not sure if that's ever not been true & been the case for me, sadly.


Such cathartic & accurate posts. I agree with every word. Post too long. Click here to view the full text.


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You know, I really question the value this site still holds to me when I'm having to hide like 90-95% of the threads that seem to always get conjured up, regardless of the particular board, due to their sheer putrid awfulness. It's just such a nauseating mess of endless shitposting, bad jokes & aggressively offensive stupidity of all types, even amongst those who think they're being smart. /lounge/ is just /b/ 2.0, /wiz/ is for people to have repeated arguments & shit flinging fests about the same old topics ("does fwee will exist? tee hee", etc.), /dep/ is constantly filled with crab-tier threads & posts, /hob/ isn't nearly as useful or as interesting it used to be, and /games/ may as well not even exist due to how laughably little gets discussed or brought up over there, beyond the usual garbage (MMO threads, Minecraft threads, or other similarly mindless and useless threads). /meta/ really doesn't count for anything and /jp/ is in much the same predicament as /games/. That just leaves /music/ which is just a senseless spam fest for random music. It's threads like these;


in which I feel it really knocks it all home for me, frankly. I mean, honestly, just look at that last one. Big wiz almighty, would these cretins just stop ceaselessly violating Wizchan's dry, moldy, horse fly ridden corpse, already? For the love of wizardry, just stop.

Am I saying this site was ever any better in the past? Well, maybe a little, but it'd be disingenuous to say it hasn't always been like this on some level. The difference is that my tolerance level for all this sewage has essentially become non-existent. The whole site is just retarded noise to me now that, beyond just managing to piss me off constantly, simply depresses me. I just don't know what else to do, man. I hate coming here, yet here I am, desperate for something to do each day. Committing nothing less than self-harm against my very psyche. At the same time, it's like, man, just put this fucking shit heap out of its miserPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

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“The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, "is to learn something. That's the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then — to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn.”
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i consider that education. I doubt people here are diligent enough for that. Thed rather masturbate and make the same shitpost trying to be unfunny. I know those people will call you anti neet for suggesting them to learn something.


Lmao lay off the crack


the two are not mutually exclusive
grab a dictionary is my advice for you


Someone who has sex isnt really celibate now are they? Or are we going by the feminist definition which includes any man who disagrees with them?


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Were any of you ever spanked as children? Do you think it influenced you becoming depressed?
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It is natural to have a damaging experience rather than growth when forced to do things against your will. Exposure therapy needs to occur at a pace that the person willingly chooses


Whoa, I'm really sorry you had to endure that


I was more than spanked. Like some other anon said there was a lot being beaten with objects, scratching, and punching fits. One time in the most demented incident trying to bite me, at that point it was more like being attacked by an alien screeching in tongues. Often for no reason in particular or something trivial blown out of proportion. The times when I did do something wrong like accidentally broke something is when the real horror shows began. When something triggers the anger like I see it even lightly in public and it reminds me it's like a virus, human language can't describe anger like this. Feeling kinda paralyzed and I tend to need to separate myself take a breather. When it passes I can't even believe it's a part of me because I can't reach a mental state like that normally. I try to let it open my eyes to how diverse the human experience can be in a more positive light.


My parents forced me to eat my fibers and I still turned out fine.


>Were any of you ever spanked as children?
spanked or hurt with other stuff like twigs on ass
whenever I did something wrong I got beaten for it

>Do you think it influenced you becoming depressed?

I think it did lead to me adopting a liar attitude. For example whenever I do something wrong in life, I just deny it or blame someone else since so I would escape the beatings.

And the other thing, I just adopted the "do the bare minimum to avoid trouble" attitude.

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What's the thing you watch / play / listen to when you have the flu? The thing that feels the most comfortable? When you just want to forget about reality?
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Where do you read short stories from?


If you have access to clean water and you're not over 80 or have AIDS it's pretty uncommon. Old people either die from cancer or the flu most of the time.


Tales from a country/region and reddit also you can search for books with the "short stories" tag.


Stop being silly, flus ARR escapism to reality. Feels really good and hazy.


The Cure - disintegration

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 No.195881[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

Who else drinking tonight by himself?

Drinking this fucker straight. 47% ABV. Toss in benzos and a weak opiate.
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OP here again. Anhedonia exists but it's impossible for a rational human being to not find transient happiness on anything at all; and all wizard are rational beings.

I enjoy art, music, literature, lifting, composing music, playing instruments, philosophy, vidya, even talking to another wizard. I might be unhappy most of the time, but I still make an effort to pursuit these small things I enjoy.

I am mentally ill, but I've learned not to cling to my diagnoses, but to the small things I enjoy which make it worth living another minute.


Getting real sick of this. Eight 440ml cans at 5.3% each in one sitting isn't enough to even get me dizzy anymore. This time last year I was throwing one-man parties off of half the amount and getting a good 14 hour sleep in with the dakimakura, but now I can't drink enough of this or even hard liquor to get near that level. It's costing upwards of $40 to get drunkish for an hour. Maybe it's time to switch to cough medicine, that'd be cool.


I have the same issue. I used to be able to get fucked up from drinking about 70% of the amount I now need to reach the same state. My biggest concern is how much weight I'm putting on. I'm properly fat for the first time in my life, and no wonder, every night I drink it's another 1000kcal+ solely from alcohol.

The worst part is the hangover doesn't seem to have scaled with it. If I drink as much as I used to, I barely get drunk but I get the same hangover as I used to. If I drink as much as I need to get properly drunk now, the hangover is TERRIBLE. Wish there was some alternative to alcohol that was as easy to get.


Thanks for the tip, whizzie. I bought WT Straight Rye and was not disappointed. I drank the whole thing neat over two weeks. I might go ahead and try bourbon next. Costs about as much as two six packs I would drink in that time span, so I guess I can say it'd save me a trip to the store by buying a bottle of whiskey instead.


Is someone with mental illness(es) really a rational being? You make an effort to pursue those things since you enjoy them. Adehonia stops you from seeking/feeling this pleasure or greatly numbs its effects. There's no reason to make an effort…

[Last 50 Posts]

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 No.201553[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

The last suicide thread has hit the bump limit.
Previous thread:
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Resources are limited


I wish I was never sired/conceived. I wish my kakistocrat kleptocrat idiocrat public-transport-accident-prone underage-baby-factory country never existed. Consider yourselves luckier you never received concussions, & never need to buy/use insulin, & never need to buy/drink psychiatric medicines.
t. concussed obese insomniac type-1-diabetic mentally-ill person


So the first part of my plan went as planned. I got the SSRI, now to wait for them to come into effect, this to make suicide a lot easier.


Does anyone here have any experience buying a gun? I want to just get one tomorrow and end it. I've done a bit of research, I know shotguns are better, but I'd rather a handgun. I can get a 9mm Glock for ~$500. The issue is the normies who run the store, I tried to do this a number of years ago and was simply turned away because I didn't know much about guns. I figure I may just try multiple stores until I succeed. Things are just too terrible for me right now, I need to get out now. I'll end up driving my car into a ravine if I fail to get a gun.


You might be able to get one locally from somebody else online. Lots of states don't have any restrictions on private sales like that.

[Last 50 Posts]

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 No.203409[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

What was the last good year of your life? 2012 is the last year I can say with 100% certainty that I was happy, everything ater it was only downhill.
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You might be right. Also I was too anxious to go to the doctor for years and I remember that a big part of relieve came from the fact that I now was able to ask for help. That in itself was a huge step for me. I know that for normal people it's the most mundane thing in the world to ask for help but for me it was literally a life changing experience.


I'm someone who also does depression sets in when I come back, nothing is vivid. I can barely eat because food is disgusting to me save for a small group of things I can't and wouldn't want to have all the time for my own money and health. I try to remain outside of it all, it teaches you things endlessly you can apply. My lowest point are actually where I'm typing this from. I feel heavy, my view is narrow, any positive lasting sensations feel worlds away, and there is also an absence of the terrible too outside of what feels like this ugly background nausea that comes and goes manifesting itself with times like this. I have that book downloaded but I have yet to read it. The most recent I dragged myself through was DMT: The Spirit Molecule which was a lot more psychologically difficult to get through than I thought it would be as it was so clinical and felt more like a study on death itself but I got a lot out of it for doing so.




2015. I can remember the exact moment, actually. It's not traumatic or even the least bit… anything. It's pointless and stupid, which make everything much worse.


2005. Everything turned to shit in 2006 and especially 2007. 2009 was when i realized it was over.
Just fucking end it.

[Last 50 Posts]


Do you feel the same? I want to kill myself everyday, but because I don't have the means to do so in a relatively painless peaceful way, i'm stuck in this nightmare for the long run I guess.

I've been an isolated neet since I dropped out of school in the 6th grade. im now 31 and have nothing left in me to continue.

I just wanted to say I hate humanity with a passion to other people who might have had the same life as me. I hope the normie Muggles get taken out by an asteroid soon.

good day, and let the tendies flow.
3 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


Welcome brother wizard.


I've been thinking about this too. No matter how you look at it, chaos and entropy is the direction that every existence goes. Everyone is going to die one day. Humanity will most likely go extinct before the end of the 21st century because of climate change and pollution. It gives me great joy to know these 2 facts. I can't wait for our piece of shit worthless species to go extinct. FUCK humanity to hell and back.Bunch of disappointing superficial cunts.

There is no need to kys though, I think. You're going to die anyways, so why not just do whatever meanwhile and enjoy the ride towards non-existence while you're here, it doesn't matter anyways.


If you're telling the truth, wizpect(wizard respect). There's also a 3rd grader drop out here I think. I really admire you guys.


I think most of wizards have this feeling. Humanity is already doomed, so don't need to worry about death, it's already on its way. Until then, just endure yourself or kill time with some hobbies you may enjoy.


For some reasons no one apparently knows another thread that belongs to the suicide general thread but is posted outside of it

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