/dep/ - Depression

>>205388
>evils of capitalism
to be honest, this shit is present in any system on the planet
you know the christians have the concept of the "original sin"
It is actually pretty accurate:

>get born
>have no assets
>daddy is a poorfag
>mommy too
>I need clothes, food, car, housing, water, electricity, internet, heating
>I cannot produce those myself
>therefore, since birth I am in debt to those who can produce those things
>that makes 2 million dollars over an average life span
>muh freedum
this is why I think, unless you have a trust fund worth 500M USD that generate profits to live off every year, you better not bother producing children because they will die as slaves
slaves to the things they cannot produce themselves, always in paranoia their employer fires them

I got no sleep last night at all. Next post decides if I call in sick or not.

No one responded so I said fuck it and called in sick. The only thing I could think of that would only last a day is a very bad migraine which has happened to me before. When it happened I felt like throwing up, so I just mentioned that I did in fact throw up this time. Is this a bad excuse? I feel like people who have never had a migraine before look at them as a minor headache or something. Does anyone know of any good excuses for a one-day sickness for the future?

>>206130
>>206131
Personally, I would just tell the truth as much as possible. I have lied in the past few years and it still haunts me. It's not good for the soul.

>>206131
stomach virus

>>202078

This.

I only browse wizchan and 8chan now but wizchan is dying and 8chan about to be closed anytime now because retarded /polacks killing people. Where am I going? I'm really scared, because imageboards are all I have, the only human company I could ever experience.

>>203870
>A true social outcast wouldn't even be on the internet in the first place since it's a projected layer of society

How did you even come to that conclusion? Obviously it's changed nowadays since the whole world is on the internet and it's no longer the hideaway of the misfits, but like I remember when forums were filled with people who had no life beyond the forums.

I feel like this thread has to be bumped. I don't want the actual wizards to be forgotten this fast.

>>203891
>I'm really scared, because imageboards are all I have, the only human company I could ever experience.

I hope admin knows how important this place is for ones such as us. We are grateful for your service admin.

>>205997
actual wizards are like 1% on this website

the same case can be observed with actual suicide cases in the suicide general thread whose posters are attention whoring or trying to convince themselves out of suicide with lame excuses like their family hurting or improbable suicide methods

it's gonna die, the time depends on how long the users are willing to pretend

>>205846
Make sure you drive it somewhere anyway from time to time or the battery will die. That kept happening to me because I never really go anywhere. Costs $60 to replace. The only thing that fixed it for me was getting a medical marijuana card. Now I go out every week or two to buy weed from the store and the battery stays charged.

When I go to bed, I often think of the times I've almost crashed and panic about it.

I can't drive, can't cognitively handle it. It's extremely difficult even in small town roads and my minute to minute reactions aren't up to par with what hey gotta be to be in a those metal death traps on wheels. Pretty sure it would mark the end of me saving any money at all.

Practice with truck simulator. I'm not kidding, practice, even using a controller and relax.

Learned how to drive in a manual and got stuck with an cheap automatic. Now I've forgotten how to use gears and the clutch so I guess I'll stick with auto. Definitely relieves some of the anxiety but not completely. Try and avoid driving wherever possible; the whole thing feels suicidal and dangerous. Didn't help that my instructor was ex-military and stressed me out even more. Nothing but bad memories of being on the road.

>>205949
I suspect you really are quite stupid.

Unable to see the general principle at work. There is nothing I can tell you. What is there to reply to? If I take your post, remove the insults and the anecdotal evidence that only applies to one case (mine). There is nothing. Nothing left. Think about it.

>>205952
Yeah the great sublime principle that people claim their success are due to their luck that only other genius like you can realize. What a fucking failed normie. You worked hard, failed, then think you have achieved some deep insight into how the world works, then you come to this site to share it to other people so they can marvel at your brilliance and life experience. But someone insulted you and you can't take it. So you write this post dismissing him as stupid. You are quite similar to the people you envied you know. Maybe that means you can be successful like them too!

>>205953
>You worked hard, failed, then think you have achieved some deep insight into how the world works, then you come to this site to share it to other people so they can marvel at your brilliance and life experience.
Not really, no. The thing is, lots of the self-improvement junkies always have the same lines. "Oh you think hard work doesn't work? Have you tried? No?! Then shut the fuck up!".

And quite often this is where the discussion ends. The lesson taken here is that wizards, losers, neets, whatever don't want to work hard and that's what makes them what they are. Hence they are at fault. Hence they are to be ridiculed, insulted and generally it's all their fucking fault.

Well I came here to provide a counter-example.

>But someone insulted you and you can't take it.
What makes you think I can not take it?

I've done several things related to improvement (exercise, programming, and language learning) for years but if you were to ask me if I felt any different than I did years ago when I was a weak teenager severely addicted to multiplayer video games the answer would be 'no'. I made goals for myself and working towards them was enjoyable at first, because they opened up a whole landscape of novel things (untranslated material, ability to customize computers, etc) but as time went on the 'high' I got from these things and the novelty wore off. I don't get excited like I used to when finding new things to read or looking into new things to program. It's just become a kind of habit at this point.

I don't have advice for actually making the first steps to self-improvement or working towards goals, but what I would advise is that you don't place too much hope and expectations on them, thinking that once you've done something everything in your life is just going to be great and stay that way. Even if you could achieve all your goals tomorrow I think the happiness from that would wear off and you'd be back to looking for higher peaks to climb within the next few weeks.

Not saying that doing things to improve is a waste, of course; it's better than doing nothing or wallowing in self-pity. But just realize that you'll probably be struggling to maintain your feel-good levels for the rest of your life, and I don't know that there's a way out of that which isn't extreme.

>>205955
>Not saying that doing things to improve is a waste, of course; it's better than doing nothing or wallowing in self-pity.
this is the takeaway, isn't it? self-improvement doesn't lead to anywhere for wizards except spending time "more fruitfully." there's obviously no point to any of it when nobody cares about you and you have no use in this world, but it does pass the time.

clean your room then conquer the world

>>205981
OP, are you really asking why regret is a powerful emotion, or are you asking if there's any way to cope with it? Or did you just want to rant a bit (which, fair enough)?

>>205984
I think a little bit of everything. I don't know if there is a way to cope with it beyond what I already thought about.

>>205893
Atheist wizard.

Today I am feeling grateful for: having a small room for myself even if it is rented; having my wagecuck job which I actually need; for my 99th attempt at staying clean and sober (day one, again); and for being alive and free from authorities despite illnesses and wrongs done.

I am feeling guilty right now about having used and pubicly humilliated myself two days ago. I could have died, gotten myself killed, killed someone or be in jail. I am still feeling paranoid in case some co-worker saw me because I don't remember shit from that night. I feel guilty about having destroyed my family, even though I hate admitting it.

I am feeling hope that things are slightly improving day by day. Despite the odds against me I keep trying hard.

>>205893
Today I am feeling grateful for having a smooth wagecuck job. Could afford myself some nice lunch and almost got enough stomach to eat it all. I am conciously not trying to be a prick. Clean and sober day número 2, 99th attempt.

Today I am feeling very guilty about my past. I always remember I am two seconds away from being myself and ending up in a risk situation where I can harm, get harmed, get the police truck or loony ambulance; or all at the same time.

But I am pulling my shit together second by second.

Sleeping has been hard lately, it's because of the stronger episode, elaborating on that another day.

I continue to live only to spite those that I know and hate. I went to the memorial service of a classmate in high school that was a complete cunt normalfag stoner. The guy spent his years after school miserable and alone until he couldn’t take it anymore and killed himself. I was there at his memorial, having snacks and connecting with old classmates, learning that they were in student debt and hadn’t graduated college while I am debt free and at that point was about to graduate from college (and I did, with honors.)

It’s going to be fun watching all the retards from my generation sink down into the muck while I coast along, uninvolved in the damned usury that dragged them down and without a worry for this god damned illusion of a world.

>>205964
you sound like a sack of shit

>>205964
based

My dad constantly shit on me and said I'd never amount to anything regardless of how hard I tried. He'd always criticize me constantly to the point that I'd give up before even trying since I just didn't want to hear his criticisms. My mom is an enabling doormat who is as passive-aggressive as it gets and will always act as a snotty contrarian even when she doesn't know what the fuck she's talking about.

Also shit genes, no money, no looks from their genetic dead-end material made me the quintessential loser I am now.

My parents basically ensured that I wouldn't have a normal upbringing, when I was in 2nd grade right before the 2008 crash my parents thought it was a good idea to move to Hawaii, I went from having friends and a community around me to being a complete outcast. I was bullied relentlessly by native hawaiians for being white, something that redpilled me on race at a very young age. Because my family was fucking broke we moved all around the country spending my dead granpas stock money that they had inherited, I think I never stayed in one house for more than a year for like 8 years. One of the houses we stayed at my "room" which was just an open area of the bottom floor of the house would flood whenever it rained and little worms would embed themselves on the floor. On top of that my mom has severe bi polar disorder and would often explode on me for little things that I didn't even mean to do and my dad was completely pussy whipped and was wageslaved to the max, he practically barely knows me. All of this is probably the root of my extreme attachment issues but I'm sure my mom giving birth to me in her late 30s didnt help either.

>>205898
>2nd grade right before the 2008 crash

Wizkid

>>205898
Why did you move to Hawaii? Bipolar impulsivity? Fear mongered by the crash?

>How did you or your parents ruin your life?
It's a difficult thing to talk about, I think; I was the only child, raised by a single mother, despite her obvious narcissistic and exploitative tendencies she cared for me, in a tough love sort of way, but I'm sure she believed this approach works best since she herself was raised this way. She'd spur me to do my best in school, plan my life for me, forcefully "guide" me towards what I should be interested in so I could secure a decent job later on in life etc. I rarely objected, and when I did it was in passive form: writing a diary entry or a poem chock-full of obscene words and curses aimed at myself, life, my brain and body and my mother, followed by its inevitable discovery by her, an awkward talk and heavy guilt-tripping. As a result I became neurotic, perfectionist, maximalist and spineless, not to mention the negative traits I "inherited" from her and my father. Upon receiving a B- or C+ on a test I would entertain thoughts of suicide and write suicide notes, one time I broke into tears and stabbed myself in the forearm with a pair of compasses in class; the latter happened in 6th or 5th grade, I think, but the general trend was set back 4th grade.
Like I said, I can't blame her, furthermore, I'd go as far as to say I'm somewhat thankful. If it hadn't been for her control and push I would have achieved nothing: I've always lacked clear, personal life directions and interests. If it hadn't been for her, I would have went downhill and ended up simply pointlessly existing much, much earlier in life.

>What caused your transformation to a wizard?
One life-changing wank.
I was around fourteen years old when I noticed a funny correlation: thoughts about succubi and starting a family would grow more intense the longer I didn't masturbate and disappeared immediately the moment I'd ejaculate. This and so much more dawned on me after a single wank I had while taking a bath sometime around that age, a wizardly "Eureka moment", if you will.
Obviously there were more factors that contributed to me rejecting relationships, like that one book with Medieval and Renaissance art I had that had one too many vanitas paintings.

"""What is generalised anxiety disorder (GAD)?
Most people feel anxious and worried from time to time, especially when faced with stressful situations like taking an exam, speaking in public, playing competitive sport or going for a job interview. This sort of anxiety can make you feel alert and focused, helping you get things done faster or perform at your best.

People with GAD, however, feel anxious and worried most of the time, not just in specific stressful situations, and these worries are intense, persistent and interfere with their normal lives. Their worries relate to several aspect of everyday life, including work, health, family and/or financial issues, rather than just one issue. Even minor things such as household chores or being late for an appointment can become the focus of anxiety, leading to uncontrollable worries and a feeling that something terrible will happen."""

Some info for wizards in this thread. I know there's a stigma around this stuff but what the OP describes fits the disorder to a T. My experience living with the same problem is meds can take away the anxiety you feel from worrying about every worse-case scenario. But they won't take away the thoughts, the anxious behaviour, or the general feeling of unpleasantness that comes from it without further treatment. I think counselling would help but I haven't done this yet.

I kind of dream of never having this problem again and feeling totally free. But I doubt it will ever happen. kind of interesting how its like living in a mental prison. do you also avoid tons of stuff?

anxiety?

a life of fear is a life not living at all friend. youve lost everything already, what is there to lose by saying fuck it and doing the things you fear? what difference is there between being dead and a life overpowered by fear?

>>202958
>leave store without buying anything
>afraid that the owners thinks I shoplifted

I've done this, and twice heard reactions from the clerk, either a "pffft" or "fucking really?" when I left without buying anything. I had to sit down from the anxiety I felt after hearing that shit both times.

God, I want to die.

>>205891
Pretty much how I've been feeling about Wizchan for the past 3 years or so

Life is so meaningless, but I still don't want to die.

Someone make a new thread please

NEW THREAD:
>>2059107 >>205910

And I accidentally copy-paste the first two lines as well as forgetting about the double-spaced formatting :/. Forgive me.

>>204059
it's been a month…
where is part 2?

>>205809
Part 1 was the link. Part 2 was OP's post.