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 No.305927[Reply]

>be me
>bored
>decide to go for a walk
>the group that used to harass me in high school sees me
>they start shouting embarrassing nicknames they gave me loudly, just like they did in HS
I thought I wouldn't need to deal with that anymore, but it seems like I was wrong. Has anyone here ever experienced something similar? I just want to have some peace.
29 posts and 8 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.306126

>>306098
1. You probably should switch your current job to night shifts.
Your excuse: "traffic jams finally got me".

2. If fails, switch jobs, but only once your "night shifts" plan failed.

Your excuse: "past jobs was about night shifts. Unfortunately, the windows get too much sunlight in the morning and I just cannot sleep from all the light and heat."

 No.306141

>>305927
Not quite like this, but yeah, I get the general sentiment.
Abused kid, everyone knew about my situation, small village, was bullied as a result, like, major life changing stuff at multiple points in life.
Was a nervous wreck, never quite adapted. Never quite got a fresh start either.

I changed schools 3 times by the time I was 18 and always there was at least a few people who "followed me" as they also changed schools.
These people often weren't the bullies themselves, but soon enough they told my tale and presented me as a social offering to the new tribe if that makes any sense.
They used my past torment and my weakness as a gateway to fitting in themselves. So I never really had a chance on my own merit.

To this day I'm haunted, it happens at at work too if you are unlucky. Contrary to popular belief the "bad bully" wont be your subordinate and you the boss later like my mom used to say.
A loser stays a loser because of the learned behavior patterns and developed character. The bullies are socially apt, they usually rise up.
Ironically enough I had the misfortune of meeting some when I was forced out of neetdom. You can guess how that went.

>>305940
This here is probably the worst of it.
Life is just one eternal highschool. I'm glad to have read your post. Said well and concise.
My mother is the same as me and lived through much humiliation too.
When I was younger I didn't understand why she was so nervous about how we present ourselves, but yeah later on this happened to us too and now I get it.
In an apartment complex you can get screwed in so many ways if the others sense blood in the water, weakness or whatever.
If there is a pre-existing clique and you make one mistake at work as well, you'll suffer. Same everywhere.
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

 No.306144

>>305927
God I fucking hate people from HS

 No.306177

>>305927
Just wanting to be left alone is my primary goal in life. Too much trauma.

 No.308558

Record them harassing you and show the footage to someone who can do something about it.



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 No.305607[Reply]

Do you have this? Any tips?
I dont know if i have this but it fucked a lot of social interactions.
11 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.305728

>>305727
holy fuck was that some kind of high profile special school for wizards?

 No.305729

>>305688
Same. Shit my pants ONCE in elementary and it followed me until I graduated high school.

 No.305735

I can barely believe people have started stigmatising, pathologising and labeling being a quiet person. Quiet people do nothing wrong and this shows what ultimate cancer this society is converging to. I can already see how in some shitholes like the UK you could in the future get police check-ups at home for "being too quiet"

 No.305736

>>305735
woah where. anyway quiet people have always been dislike afaik. "who knows what shit they're thinking"

 No.308556

You're just an aware and intelligent person. To label these feelings as "selective mutism" is beyond idiocy.



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 No.301262[Reply]

It's Saturday night and I started taking a new antidepressant called Mirtazapine (15mg) on Thursday night.

This is my 10th or so attempt at a psychiatric medication. I've tried lots of therapy too.

Wish me luck anonymages. I was about to quit my job but watched some motivational videos on autoplay on Youtube for hours and as cheesy as it was, they convinced me to give this a go.

I didn't even get these prescribed recently. It was way back last year and then I just didn't take them because this particular medicine has a reputation for making people really fatigued.

It does put me to sleep. But, maybe that's ok. If it means I can find some happening apart from fapping and dreaming while I sleep.

Maybe it'll even help me turnaround my fortunes at work where it looks like I'm sliding towards a firing or just being unable to come in. Barely stopped myself raging at my boss the other day and took 2 weeks sick leave from stress afterwards. I need to swallow some humble pie come Monday and hopefully these pills help. Being off work for 2 weeks showed me I'm just as miserable and actually more so depressed, anxious and stressed not working despite all the antiwork slogans I collect.
52 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.307628

>>306999
>>307515
Should have saged what I sent a few days ago. I have now fully recovered from these side effects.

I've been doing alright. After trying to cure myself with a LSD trip (I let someone convince me that it was supposed to boost neuroplasticity and increase levels of BDNF), I got mild dpdr/hppd for a day and saw what an actual miserable life could be like. Now I know I have no right to end my life. And I will never do drugs again.

>There exists no objective logical ground for you to have imposed this conclusion on yourself as a sort of certain fatalistic sentence.

Very true. Thanks for stating this, wiz.

>Have you been taking a well-formulated B vitamin that contains both thiamine and folate?

Yeah, high quality B-complex that contains both daily for almost a month. Noticed slight energy improvement but it might just be the diet.

>Be mindful of any toothpaste tubes that may be formulated with sodium fluoride

Mine had it so I tossed it and got a non-fluoride one. Water I'm drinking seems low in it but I'm thinking about getting a filter anyway.

>Nitric oxide rich foods

Noted, already eating leafy greens, nuts and meat pretty much every day. Will add more where I can.

>Sauna

Looked into it, unfortunately it's pretty expensive around here. Will go if I find a decent option.
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 No.307761

>>307628
>Did you experience any degradation in visual imagination after SSRIs?

Yes, but it lessened in equal time in keeping with the betterment of all the other problems I was experiencing (sexual dysfunction, anhedonia. etc.).

This “degradation in visual imagination” has a technical name, which is “aphantasia”, meaning the inability to clearly form mental images. Aphantasia seems to be a somewhat common sequela of many classes of psychiatric medication, not just ssris. There’s an entire sub-reddit dedicated to discussing this issue. Here’s one thread in particular addressing the on-set of aphantasia following ssri usage: https://www.reddit.com/r/Aphantasia/comments/khsot8/aphantasia_as_aquired_after_use_of_ssris/

There is no consensus nonpharmacologic approach for treating aphantasia, but generally any class of meditative exercise that works to reground the eidetic library of the mind should be helpful.

Two examples of these exercises would be:

1. image streaming, where with eyes closed you self-narrate the nature of whatever visual forms first come into your mind, whether it’s darkness itself or some lesser shadow of an idea, essaying to restrengthen the link between your imaginative faculties and speech. this is something to be done a few times a week.

2. image journaling, where you try to be as verbally descriptive as possible in recording the features of your daily environment, retraining your brain to meaningfully engage with imagery. also a weekly exercise.

>with no emotions attached


This zombifying effect is peculiar to the use of all serotoninergic drugs. I remember a friend of mine relating to me how blunted and colorless the whole range of his thinking felt when withdrawing from escitalopram. I also experienced something similar. Ssris seem to induce some type of imprecise broad-spectrum brain injury, whose many symptoms require patience and intelligence to resolve. However be mindful not to ever lose confidence that the injury can be undone and cured (which I know is very hard when you are still injured). Colorlessness and emotional blunting, like aphantasia and anPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

 No.308365

Reminder that SSRIs are jewish poison

 No.308378

Thanks for some of the interesting (scary?) posts you wizzies made in this thread. It solidifies the fact I will never EVER take antidepressants or SSRIs no matter how miserable or shitty my life gets.

 No.308554

>>308378
good choice.



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 No.308391[Reply]

we must accept it. we are losers and society mocks us no matter what we do. we're not cool. we think we're cool because we are in a website where only virgin males are in and we circle jerk together. That's why we think we're superior to normalfags while in fact we're seen has failed people. you may feel as much superior as you like on wizchan but once out of the internet, you'll be mocked for being 30+ virgin male behind your back.
It sucks; being mocked and being. alower human being. even non-white are more successful than you and being racist doesn't change that. I think racism is a kind of cope people are because they're frustrated.
You can be as much succesful as you can be (rich, good job, house, beautiful car,etc…) like every other normalfags but at the end of the day when they'll ask you if you have a wife or a gf, and after you said never, they'll think something's wrong with you or you're gay.
Some wizards donnt give a fuck because they feel above all of that but those are, according too me, a übermensch bit it is a very rare case. so don't think you're one to please you're ego. I think the wizard übermensch has everything a normalfag has in life but is morally superior to them. those who uses this power to trashtalk others isn't a übermensch according to me because he does the same shit normalfags do to others to feel better. There's a lot of wizards who mock normalfags to feel better but at the end of the day it makes them look like as bad as normalfags. the übermensch is a rare case and I am 100% sure there's no übermensch wizard on here (or maybe 0,1%).
Anyway, I'm not making a thread about the wizardmensch because it would fit most on /wiz/ than /dep/. I'm making this thread on /dep/ because I'm sad and depressed being a failure. even failednormalfags mock us.
We're ugly and dumb. feel free to delete the thread mods, I don't care I'm sad. I don't want to push my narratives unto others. I know many wouldn't agree because they live a good life and don't care about what other people think or say about him, but I know most of the wizards suffer and that's why there's a /dep/ board…if it wasn't the case, tbis board wouldn't exist. wizards are sad. in fact I don't know why they're sad because they just have to live life luke anybody else; it's just they don't have a wife and kids but live life like everyone else on this earth. so why wizards aren't happy? Most if the time is life struggle like money or shitty job.Post too long. Click here to view the full text.
14 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.308534

>>308532
Neeting is superior if you have inheritances or large monthly assistance payments from parents in addition to the state assistance.

Living purely on state assistance is rarely a life worth living even in the west.

 No.308535

>>308534
If you're already locked in in min wage jobs it's a realistic option in some European countries.

 No.308536

>>308535
Yeah. From what I've heard for a lot of people working one of those shit paid jobs makes no sense if you can collect welfare from the government instead. I think you need to game the system to also get cheaper housing, maybe some additional benefits somehow, idk. If you don't need much to live it can be a decent arrangement I guess.

 No.308549

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>>308391
>even non-white are more successful than you
well you can be a nonwhite and still be a virgin otaku freak, man fuck my life
>>308534
>Living purely on state assistance is rarely a life worth living even in the west.
honestly it is quite comfy, social isolation aside but even when i was working i was too retarded to make human connections so does it really count? sure you dont have a lot of money but if you are in need you can just do a month of part time work and you're good to go, just buy an electric moped or ebike or some shit so you dont have to deal with buying gas and it's really nice the only bad thing is the weather but if you're a native european i think your body and mind is adjusted to cold weather so i guess thats just a migrant issue either way it is much better than wasting 75% of your waking time working alongside people who mock you for your mannerisms or interests

 No.308553

>>308536
yes, I'm jealous as my country has just stopped long term unemployment benefits, it is very limited now, it's finding a job or ending up homeless now
Imagine living in some Scandinavian country just collecting and being able to take walks in nature and stuff



 No.308537[Reply]

A while back some of my classmates found a private account of mine where could express my offensive views (i am 18 years old, last year of high school). Now everyone in my class hates and ignores me, not to mention the fact that they have reported me to faculty who in turn also reported me to authorities for "radicalization" (hate speech is illegal where i live)

I know all of this is the fault of my own stupidity which i am greatly ashamed of but i dont know what to do, i feel like i have ruined my life possibly forever considering the negative aspects of having this written down could have.
6 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.308544

gotta wise up idk. i never speak of what i do online even with my mum.
>ruined my life
well hate speech at 18 means you're not very bright so you didn't lose much to begin with

 No.308545

>>308543
white supermacy is a 80iq club. not saying they're unique in their stupidity

 No.308546

Do your parents know about this and if so what do they think? If they are supportive of you they'd sell their properties and move to another country but chances are they're the typical mindraped leftist normies (no offense, mine are as well). Most euro countries will be full muslim niggerhell in a decade or two so my advice if you can't leave the country will be to fully disappear from both the normie internet and irl as much as possible, lest some antifa jihadists start doing cultural revolution type of hunts in the future. Also learn basic OPSEC.

 No.308547

>>308546
>assuming he has parents
He's probably the child of a single mum.

 No.308548

>>308547
Assuming you're the same brownoid as the one above my post it's statistically much more likely that you're the fatherless here. Proving the point that OP's only mistake was getting caught, there's no befriending with cousin-fuckers and voodoo cannibals.



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 No.305401[Reply]

Does anybody else live with family who have seemingly not a care in the world to be careful with your belongings?? It's incredibly annoying and often blood boiling. I have a lot of collections, and attempt to make models like tanks/planes/warhammer stuff and quite often my parents will "inspect" my room for whatever retarded reason and often break several items. I internally call my dad "The grabbler" he picks up delicate items with his full fist, all fingers perfectly alinged - like a special ed kid grabbing a pencil. As you can imagine, this often BREAKS anything even remotely fragile.

This has been an issue I've dealt with my entire life. I'd have my pokemon cards on a playing mat in my room, parents barge in and walk right on them despite them being able to walk around it, and I wasn't even in the way. Or other times where they would grab my school work with greasy/chocolate coated hands and get stains all over it. Also they love coughing and sneezing without any attempt to cover their mouths. You will see spit and mucus stains EVERYWHERE in the house. Especially on the shared computer screen, utterly disgusting.

I have tried everything to get them to be less dirty and more respectful and mindful but they just don't care, my mother is literally too stupid to understand, my father just doesn't care. I don't really want to move out either as it's not a possibility on my wages unless I want to live in a car or next to criminal social housing with even more disgusting people.

The list goes on and on about all the dirty behaviour they get up to. I might even jot down some greentext stories if I'm bored later
26 posts and 5 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.308490

this sounds very gross and subhuman
there is no other way out but run away somehow

 No.308498

>>308433
I can see that working for some things, but for my current setup with what I have it's just not really possible. I much prefer my bait tactics which are working. Just the whole kid being let into my room to open all my closets and cabinets with NO supervision and breaking all that shit. Something I can't fix though. The door I have can't have a lock placed on it, even if it could, parents would break it.

>>308444
I know it doesn't sound like much, but that is irritating as hell. My mom would always put cups of her coffee over my artwork and leave a disgusting coffee mark that cant be wiped off. Idk why or how she did this, but her cups were always overflowing so the outside of the cup was wet with coffee. Disgusting stuff.

>>308490
I've weighed it all up and I still ultimately prefer living here, just barely. Also sounds rude and greedy but If I cut contact I wont get inhertence

 No.308502

>>308498
>If I cut contact I wont get inhertence
It's the natural order, nothing to be ashamed of. I'll get a bit when my parents pass someday, not much though because they bought annuities instead of investing (facepalm).

 No.308530

>>308498
Try buying a Harry Potter themed "snitch" battery-powered decor, 7$ a piece.

Put it into an old glass pc case.
Instant distraction.


Besides, you could buy a semi-busted 20$ tape player with some chill, sleepy, lullaby-ish tapes…
…and a voice-activated outlet (12$ or so)

And attach some empty can full of steel nuts (0-2$) to your door so the loud "clang" would activate the outlet.

 No.308533

>>308502
>nothing to be ashamed of.
it is



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 No.303889[Reply]

>Were you emotionally neglected as a child?
I wonder if this led me to become who I am now, at least in social settings.
I have no idea if I suffered from this, although I remember times when I was told not to cry, or I got used to not crying over silly things that perhaps maybe weren't silly for a child.
I read those internet ads about caring for parents and children, and they recommended hugs, affection, and not denying children's pain and suffering, and that the best thing is to get it off the emotions of their chest or body.
but if this doesn't happen, then they build up a shell, armor, or something like that because they mask or hide these emotions automatically out of pure habit and training. and later they will have trouble releasing their emotions from their bodies. Babies and toddlers do this naturally when they cry.
>Also
I can't remember the last time I cried with all my might or something like that.
I wonder if this led me to be the way I am now, at least in a social way. I wonder if I can treat it. I read from an anon that some of these things can only be treated with love. But the truth is confusing.
Maybe my brain is already like this, although I read that the brain can change, as can one's habits and feelings.
18 posts and 5 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.308443

>>308430
However, she would comment every her stap yesterday.

I got fed up with that. She would always speak, speak, speak, but never answer a simple question.

Besides, I got her some stuff to play music but she would keep her apartment focused on her loud voice

 No.308487

just cut off all contact with your parents if they fail to display the most basic human behavior
then you don't have to deal with their nonsense

 No.308499

I'd say most of us had really messed up childhoods.

 No.308528

>>303890
>You're a dude, OP. Act like it.
rest of this post is fairly solid and i agree strongly with rejecting the whole "i need to label myself with some affliction/trauma" when in reality people are the result of their experiences (or lack thereof). e.g. most people with "autism" dont actually have some "neurodivergent" condition, they just werent around people enough/didnt get enough kindness/werent accepted. someone genuinely autistic you can tell from a mile away. most people arent. apparently having an interest makes someone autistic, not like people naturally develop interest in a specific field, you know, like what going to college or having a job requires. you dont like annoying noises like dogs barking? autistic. its all stupid catch-all junk like horoscopes. now maybe if you smear shit on walls and gush to strangers about trains, you probably are, but thats not you.

however, "youre a dudebro, act like it, man up" is such a disgustingly corny cliche for a wizard of all people to regurgitate. sort of thing some cocky normalfag would say. gross!

 No.308529

>>303890
I like how you basically wrote a comforting post only to finish it with a nuke:
>you're dud



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 No.308437[Reply]

Is the feeling of alienation familiar to you? Does it hurt?

"All my life, I have lived with the feeling that I have been kept from my true place. If the expression "metaphysical exile" had no meaning, my existence alone would afford it one."

~ Emil Cioran ; The Trouble With Being Born
4 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.308461

I comprehended I wasn't a normie a long time ago and this does not cause negative feelings.

 No.308463

>>308438
well, it’s easy doing that when you’re a 50 IQ monkey who can derive meaning and worth from supposedly belong to a pack of other monkeys, but for intelligent people that’s not a solution that’s why you can’t comprehend cioran

 No.308469

I never really understood why people like interacting with other people, like they even organize events in their free time just to meet other people as if work wasn't already too much. I just don't know how anyone can enjoy this as their free choice when it's not necessary to survive.

 No.308470

>Is the feeling of alienation familiar to you?
yes thanks to whoever/whatever i've never known what it's like to belong literally anywhere. i've never been invited twice to any group activity and i've never wanted to be invited even once in the first place. my level of socialization is basically only slightly above zero by virtue of my middle school being a survive-it-yourself shithole.
>Does it hurt?
idk not really when i'm drunk otherwise not really either idk i don't care as much as i used to i guess. well sometimes it does feel bad that i can't even connect with some retards on imageboards but i guess i don't care that much anyway after all. yeah i get what you mean but idk it's not my fault people are so insufferable

 No.308527

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>>308469
i mean, you just identified why you dont understand: theres a difference between instanced, contextualized social tampon tier work socialization, and voluntary, extracurricular "i like you, you like me, lets spend time together" real world stuff.

or at least i imagine, the latter is something ive basically never experienced, but i can see how it could actually be enjoyable and satiating as opposed to the former. i can only think back to being about 12 going on a schooltrip with friends when had a great time. lost them all a few years later though :)

if you somehow, in some unicorn scenario in adulthood, manage to accrue a collection of people you actually like who you're comfortable around, i can see how that would be fun, liberating even. never gonna happen though lol. if you dont go to uni and make friends seems like youre never gonna have any, just morsels of empty shituational relationshits instead.

as for answering the op. yes ive always felt alienated. always been relegated to the periphery, never knew what to do about it, spawnkilled my life.



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 No.305228[Reply]

I think age 31-32 was the point where I realized I'm too autistic and weird to ever have 'normal' things in life.

I will die either institutionalized or in some shitty rental with nothing to my name. Nothing that I dreamed about will ever become true.
28 posts and 4 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.308521

>>308505
I still cradle dreams of improvement montage at my current age of 27. What else am I supposed to do? If I give up then I suffer and kill myself. If maintain the delusion and do little things that I believe will move me closer to my successful breakthrough then I'll at least feel slightly better before killing myself.

>I somehow got a blessed wagie job,

Maybe that explains why I haven't give up. I am a NEET so I don't have to make the decision to jump to a different ship. I have no ship to begin with so giving up is drowning.

 No.308522

>>308521
For what its worth, I was a NEET until 27 too.
I was going to kill myself that summer since I had no hopes of getting any job I could endure.
Then I somehow got one I can just about barely manage, even though it really is quite a huge blessing.

I don't really understand the last point though. If I were to lose my current job I'd be back to killing myself once money runs dry since there is no way I'll find another one like this.
Not many ships for the unskilled and not quite able bodied.

 No.308524

>>308522
I meant like sacrificing a safer path to chase your dreams or something. I guess not all self-improvement paths require quitting your job. I don't know what you want to achieve so I am mostly talking about myself. I wanted to learn an interesting skill like math or art and make money or something and I don't think I can manage to learn them if I have to wagecuck at the same time, not like I am disciplined enough now. If I have a tolerable job though, I think I'd find it a lot easier to give up and just coast for the rest of my life without trying anything new.

 No.308525

>>308524
>I don't think I can manage to learn them if I have to wagecuck at the same time, not like I am disciplined enough now. If I have a tolerable job though, I think I'd find it a lot easier to give up and just coast for the rest of my life without trying anything new.
Had similar thoughts. If I failed to pursue anything I care about while a NEET with nothing but time then what makes me believe I would ever make progress while a wagie?
Your second point is probably right. Of course you might be different, but to me it became a lot easier to justify letting go/giving up.

 No.308526

File: 1781632106021.png (10.83 KB, 500x250, 2:1, Oekaki.png) ImgOps iqdb

life is so great for me, but I am terrible at graphic design



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 No.307767[Reply]

>phone alarm wakes you up from blissful sleep
>you're in a warm comfy bed, under a warm blanket
>you bury your head under a blanket for 10 minutes but soon drag your ass out anyway
>drag your ass out to work, where everyone is very demanding and aggressive and hates you
>get back 10 hours later, having no energy to do anything
>do the same thing tomorrow again
I just want to sleep I'm tired of repeating the same morning torture ritual every day. If we weren't ruled by greedy subhumans we'd have 4 day work weeks by now.
16 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.308376

>>308136
There's a lot of info online, just scrape off the normie mumbo jumbo they like to give. Don't trust any other homeless person either, don't make enemies but dont trust them. Often they are extremely mentally deranged or morally bankrupt and can hide it quite well.

Outside of literally surviving decently you'll need to pick up a pass time so you dont go crazy, hard to do as a homeless. Probably look on google maps where the best spots are. Ideally you want privacy but access to wifi.

 No.308383

>>307892
>For many people, freedom is only found within walls.
Freedom is only found within walls?
I don't understand what you are saying.

 No.308399

>>308375
i wish i knew a way to fix this specifically. its the hardest part of working, resisting the colossal urge to go back to sleep and forget it all in the morning. its basically a subconscious instinct to me. doesn't matter if i slept 6 hours or 12. i just dont know how normal people do it.

 No.308472

>>307767
I got work tomorrow, 6am start and it's 12:48AM.

At least I changed my alarm clock sound so I don't get that PTSD Cortisol spike as bad

 No.308500

>>308399
It gets only slightly better once you're at work, sort of. I'm back at work tomorrow after having a few days off. I have a massive urge to just not show up, or to just quit and live off savings and become homeless afterwards but i know its way too rough and scary



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