No.302510[Reply]
I fucking loathe being autistic, I fucking hate how I can have articulate thoughts in my head yet can only muster and spew out the same few fucking phrases irl because I’m caught off guard and don’t know what to say
I hate how pathetic I am, I’m so fucking clumsy, my hand coordination is awful. Im always dropping shit which only makes me look like more of a retard
Most of all I hate the way other people look at me, there two “looks” I get from people. The first is the pitiful one. They see how pathetic I am, how socially inept, awkward and harmless I am and take pity on me like they would with a dementia patient. The other “look” is the hateful/judgmental one. They assume due to my awkwardness, my uncanny demeanour, ugly face and lack of height that I’m some kind of freak/someone to be suspicious of. They look at me like I’m some kind of sex pest/serial killer when all I’m doing is just existing
I put in the effort, I workout every day, I eat well, I keep good hygiene, I try, lord knows I fucking try, but I have to ask what’s the point? It won’t change anything. I can’t cure this awful plague of the mind I was born with, I’ll never be accepted or even tolerated by normies so why make an effort? Why try in life and work hard when I don’t even get the slightest bit of respect from the people around me? Part of me wants to just stay in my room stuffing my face with junk food and playing vidya all day but if I did that I’d only be more miserable.
Any other wizards have this condition? If so how do you cope with it?
No.302512
>Any other wizards have this condition?
Yeah, me and probably most of us.
>If so how do you cope with it?
I avoid going outside and being in any kind of social situations unless there is absolutely no other choice. This gives me some amount of peace from anxiety and depression so I can pursue my interests but I still get flashbacks of cringe memories and it makes me feel so awful and hopeless for a few seconds until I mutter "fucking kill yourself" out loud. I don't know why my brain does this or why acting out this tourette syndrome routine helps, but I've just learned to accept it.
I've stopped caring about the future or catching up with my peers long ago and I've just learned to get through life day by day and find whatever joy I can in my solitary hobbies. There is nothing you can do about it, so you might as well focus on other things. I guess the only hope for an autistic is that they become top 1% in their special interest and this allows them to have some semblance of a career and respect from others, but you have to have some genuine interest, something that genuinely tickles your autism and lets you do stuff that others find boring or tedious. Maybe you can be the next Tetris world record holder or the guy that makes youtube videos about an extremely niche subject or something like that.
No.302513
No matter how much normal things I try to do and as normal I try to be, I'll always hear this phrase: "this guy is weird". I don't even know if I only hear it in my head or if people really say it most of the time. I do be having auditory hallucinations in the past, and it's always this: the weird guy. I can't do nothing against this. Even just refilling car wash water yesterday, I hear it from people coming along. How can I fucking be more normal than when changing fucking car wash water, like what in the hell.
No.302514
The worst thing about being an autist for me is that no one ever respected me and never will.
No.302543
>>302510since im autistic i never get satisfied due to me being empty and numb from all the corruption from people. i just wish i lived in a different reality where i could start over again..