[ Home ] [ wiz / dep / hob / lounge / jp / meta / games / music ] [ all ] [  Rules ] [  FAQ ] [  Search /  History ] [  Textboard ] [  Wiki ]

/dep/ - Depression


Password (For file deletion.)

  [Go to bottom]  [Catalog]  [Reload]  [Archive]

File: 1629473257888.jpg (27.17 KB, 642x361, 642:361, cognitivedecline.jpg) ImgOps iqdb


I feel like my memory and fluid intelligence is just going to shit. I can barely retain any new information. Literally just remembering a new word or something is so hard it takes so many repetitions to get it to stick and then I forget it the next day. Both my grandparents got Alzheimer's really bad so I know I likely have it in my genes.

I wasted my youth not learning useful skills and having good experiences.

I feel terrified of getting like my grandparents; getting even older and not being able to look after myself. Forgetting who my family members are. Shitting myself and basically losing my soul. I would rather just kill myself but I think I would be too frightened to do it and the feeling of being trapped between choosing Alzheimer's or suicide makes me want to scream.
9 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


I came to an epiphany regarding the ultimate uselessness of words and now my mind is no longer wracked by the vitriolic argumentation I once vainly classified as intelligence. Once everything becomes absurd any actions and mental tricks enter their last usage as the irrefragable destroyer carves its way across the mind, leaving behind stupefaction and noble slothfulness.


This is why I'm roping at 50.


Have you tried any nootropics?


try a dopamine fast and some warp wanings bruh


I have taken modafinil. The effect is subtle but real. It is like a big cup of coffee without the jitteriness

File: 1630609489666.gif (987.6 KB, 501x373, 501:373, D70B49DF-4AE2-4933-969E-92….gif) ImgOps iqdb


I haven’t been able to consistently leave the house for the past 8 years, you know how people say “things get easier the more you do them”? Well it’s the complete opposite for me, the more I am involved in a public place such as trying to get an education the more the paranoia builds, until I can’t take going there any more. I am 26 years old an I have never had a job and I have no education beyond highschool and some random college classes I managed to get through with heavy medication.

Is anyone else like this? I am not even depressed I am just extremely scared about being outside, the thought of even leaving my front door sends thoughts of neighbors peeking at me, recording me, taking notes on me, etc. I can’t bare it
3 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.


File: 1630634801141.jpg (46.33 KB, 640x480, 4:3, 357423.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Anxiety and paranoia can escalate to truly debilitating shit like schizophrenia. You are still playing on easy mode but that could change any day. Watch yourself.


I've only had mild psychosis so far, I don't think I'm predisposed to full schizophrenia, or maybe it's just because I haven't taken illegal drugs because I don't leave my house. But yeah I stopped telling my doctors about my paranoia because I dont want to take antipsychotics, being basically a lobotomized vegetable isn't really a cure


And as an addition, I just think about the things that run through my head when I'm outside, they just can't be true

So just one fear that keeps me out of my front lawn for instance, it's that the neighbor across the street, 70~ year old man, (I feel) is sexually interested in me, every time I see him sitting on his porch I just feel like he is waiting for me to come outside, when my parents make me walk to get the mail I go by and I start sweating and look at the pavement and I can just feel his eyes glaring at the back of my head, I've refused to do certain chores on occasion because of this but I don't even want to tell my parents because they'll think I'm crazy, one of the worst things now is it seems like whenever I arrive back home from places he's going back in to his house like he's done with something, I tell myself it doesn't mean anything, but my lizard brain says he's doing it on purpose

I really don't want to live in fear like this


all in your head, wizkid, don't let your parents think your crazy


It's really scary being paranoid. In my case, Internet use was the thing that ultimately set me off and made me lose contact with reality completely but I had had a long history of odd beliefs and paranoia, interest in supernatural, conspiracy theories, notions that we might be living in a simulation, etc. that fueled my disease. A big warning sign is when it begins to seem like everything you see, read or hear seems to be talking about you or is in some way connected to you. Watch out for "ideas of reference". This can evolve into complete madness. Good luck to you. I had to be forcibly medicated at first. I'm not trying to scare you but you should know the signs.

File: 1629976871966.gif (677.9 KB, 220x220, 1:1, 70094254-5701-4EEA-BD81-EA….gif) ImgOps iqdb


>face only rejection, destruction, humiliation
>repeat many, many times
>eventually, give up and try to build a little hermit life
>anyone that picks up on this loses their mind and acts like accepting defeat is some kind of death sentence and moral failure
Why? How is it wrong to just accept that you are unwanted and go away? Do they get some kind of enjoyment out of watching the bottom ~5% of the population humiliate themselves over and over? Am I depriving them of entertainment?
13 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.


Marriage rates are at an all time low - it was something like 80% of 30 year olds in the mid 20th c, down to about 18% in the past decade. No stable society if people don't marry and reproduce themselves. TFR confirms this.


It's definitely crumbling but slowly with microplastics, peak oil, and shit.


File: 1630300406949.jpg (15.09 KB, 500x281, 500:281, MV5BMTc0NDY0MjY4MV5BMl5Ban….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

nay, greedy oligarchs, feminists and their pet niggers supported by impotent working class with bread n circus, porn etc, to make sure they shut up and never revolt, ruining everything as always, history just repeating itself


You're a fag


Nazbol gang?

File: 1626343000598.jpeg (1.15 MB, 2000x1400, 10:7, gts5AQP.jpeg) ImgOps iqdb

 No.243924[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
301 posts and 43 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.


Main reason why I dropped out of college, too much work and that's just only community college for me which won't get me anywhere. If I go to uni, I gotta do so much bullshit I don't want to just to get a job that will help me survive and have a regular fucking house. I don't wanna bother anymore and just try to learn a trade or be a wageslave for the rest of my life. Can't imagine spending most of my life studying and studying while still working a shit job to survive at the same time. That's no fucking life to live, fuck that, rather fucking be homeless and die, this shit isn't worth it man.




Fucking hell, time flies so fast and I'm not even old. It's scary.


File: 1630517565928.jpg (23.51 KB, 480x360, 4:3, fuck.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

Hornet fell out of a tree, burrowed into my hair and stung me on top of my head. I picked the blasted thing out of my hair and threw it onto the ground which stunned for a few seconds after which it pursued me for a short distance.


I just recently did this too after 2 years. I decided to after I was at the dentist and the teeth cleaning ladies were whispering and giggling about my plaque. I wont let that happen again.

[Last 50 Posts]

File: 1628993383936.gif (838.57 KB, 500x279, 500:279, 32984023948.gif) ImgOps iqdb


I'm currently 30 and I never had a job. I'm qualified to have one, but social anxiety and a bunch of other mental illnesses won't let me. Would anything change if I had a job? If I went to uni?
26 posts and 3 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.


If you need a job this is a good time to be looking for one. If you don't have applicable skills I would work at an Amazon warehouse fulfillment center, from what I know it's 16-20 an hour and they'll hire you immediately.

If you have education and are looking for specialized work, I would look into entry level roles in the field. They're going to be worried that your skills have atrophied but now the demand for labor is so strong you probably will do just fine. I am in a similar situation and was surprised how many offer for reasonable salaries.

I would also add be willing to do any tasks that might be slightly inconveniencing. They actually paid me more than I asked for because I am doing some work that can run late so I'm working 9-6:30 instead of 8-5.

I'd say the most important thing is knowing more than buzzwords. This is where it's hard if you don't have work experience. It just helps if you can give specific examples of how you handled certain job responsibilities in the past or challenges and what you did to make it easier or more organized. If you don't have that, I wouldn't worry. Just apply for entry level positions, even if the pay sucks at first most of those have extremely high turnover so if you work there for a year or so you should be able to get a better position.

Working kind of sucks but as a wizard in his mid 30s it helps to have work.

Tl;dr if you're in the US you'll probably be hired in a few days no matter if you want to work in a warehouse, an accounting firm, or a programming company.


>warehouse jobs, wanted nightly
>bus doesn't even run at night, stops by 5.pm or so and that's the last runs for POPULAR buses
>after the overblown virus the system is even worse with transit on top of it

It's not a good time. Not unless you want to work at a junk yard 'organizing' trash in the hot sun or want a flagger job in the street being honked and yelled at all day. Also it'll be a temp agency so they're going to steal your cash a bit.

Also if you're white and male and act white then they're not going to feel sorry for you and not hire you at all.

Reality check over.


This. There is no way out. Pain is unescapable.


Let's elaborate.
>Work and study directly leads to extreme suffering.

>Having no money directly leads to extreme suffering.


Having nothing to do all day leads to extreme suffering.

Being mentally ill (no meme mental illness) leads to extreme suffering.

Existing in a world that alienates you every single day leads to extreme suffering.

Being is extreme suffering.
There is no way out.
Have fun. .. …


>have worked the same small job for a few years that doesn't pay me enough to even get groceries if I didn't still live at home and leech off of my parents
>didn't go to college so no degree in addition to little experience
>I'm dumb and can't understand computer stuff like others here seem to do easily
>too old to get away with little work history and no degree

I don't even comprehend life anymore. Like how the fuck does this all just work for normalfags? They do everything with such ease yet the idea of somehow getting a decent job is something I literally do not comprehend. It's like asking me to imagine a new color.

File: 1628776064136.jpg (28.15 KB, 608x610, 304:305, xuxa-jesus-cristo.JPG) ImgOps iqdb


Anyone else has the habit of laughing out of despair?

I've been having this for some time now. Everytime a shitty event happen I just burst out laughing of how randomly fucked up it is. I just woke up looked at the mirror and did it again, all this look like a bad episode of truman show. I might as well just put on some make up and red nose cause in this encarnation God made me a fucking clown.
15 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.


The last few times I cried I was laughing right before. I don't understand the psychology behind it


nigga are you the joker?


File: 1630314957683.gif (2.24 MB, 286x258, 143:129, cant-hold-laugh.gif) ImgOps iqdb

I try to hold it but sometimes it just slips in public especially when normies say retarded things out loud on their phone or to their dumb kids


Why in the world are you still there?


I laugh if I try to hold back a giant uncontrollable smile, it is so much better these days cause I can wear a mask and people can't really directly see the huge smile on my face, I can also talk to my self and giggle a little bit and people far away can't see my mouth moving so that's good too


Throughout my life I have never really experienced any traumatic events or bullying, so I was wondering why is it that I am so fucked up? I thought about it and have come to the conclusion that my basic lack of self confidence and avoidant tendencies stem from something I think of as "soft exclusion". Hard exclusion would be the traumatic experience where some bully insults you and teases you and explicitly excludes you from activities you try to participate in with them. Soft exclusion on the other hand is exclusion that happens behind the scenes simply by people not inviting you to participate in activities that go outside of what everyone is forced to participate in.

Regularly scheduled activities like school or extracurriculars are something where in essence you are forced to interact with others according to the rules set down by the overseeing authority figure, however normal childhood also has interactions with people outside of these activities where the children can be unsupervised and essentially free to be themselves. This is what I lacked all my life and other normalfags had. I don't know how or why it happened, but the normalfags all did stuff with each other outside of school, but never once was I invited. My parents gave me no guidance on inviting others to hang out with me, so I never invited others to spend time with me outside of scheduled activities. In the end what I was left with was a sort of hollowness, and emptiness where normally you are supposed to have deep ties with close friends. I have acquaintances, but not friends. The relationship of a classmate is like a work relationship basically, because of the supervised nature of it, real friendships form when people can be genuine and unsupervised.

Being soft excluded from that fucked with my confidence because I think there must be some reason having to do with me simply being unlikeable. When all your life you see circles of intimacy among your peers but never enter one yourself it has to fuck you up. I isolate partly out of a desire not to impose my presence upon others which I assume they must not enjoy. This is a learned feeling more than a rational thought process so I find it very hard to overcome.

Anyone else think they were fucked up by soft exclusion?
14 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


>Then in 2008 I had my first experience with social media that wasn't imageboards or forums when I joined Facebook back in 2008. I saw that everybody in my school had active social lives and documented them online.
This is exactly my same experience, Facebook was devastating for me for this reason


So.. An outcast?
Yeah I can relate. I wasn't always a loser but I had to switch schools and my new classmates were like snobbish apes. I had one friend from the class and later he told me the others had a meeting talking about what to do with me and they came to the agreement that I'm not worthy getting accepted into the class. Note that I was a slim, average looking kid.
My only sin was that I was shy and quiet (which I guess they took as I'm being arrogant).
Later on my school life was a living hell but I pushed through.
Before graduation I even made friends but it was too late for me.
Then in highschool my new classmates were literally young thugs.
Was preaching about why being a snitch was no good while they snitched all the time.
And I later realized that it's not snitching telling the teachers that I WAS in danger.
In those 12 years 8 was a living nightmare.
Wish I stayed with my old classmates (from the first school), but life happened, out of my control. And I got fucked


When I was a kid I never, not once, had guests over, because my house was gridlocked with distrust and contempt. I think throughout the entirety of my elementary school life I hung out with people outside of school only four or so times, three of which were birthday parties. Only one was a "play-date". As a middle and high schooler I felt immense envy when I eavesdropped on the other kids and heard them reminisce about their childhoods, and I cant even start to describe how soul crushing it was to hear about a party that had occurred over the past weekend while I had locked myself in my dark room. My childhood was excruciatingly boring. I didn't even really play video games, I just surfed the internet. What few games I did play were all single player.


I could have been a normal person but with the environment I grew up in I really had no chance


Desire for such things is solely an illusion. At least I have already trascended such whim, which realization I know wouldn't offer much to my life.

I wouldn't ever talk to them again.
>True elegance is refusal.

>Being soft excluded from that fucked with my confidence because I think there must be some reason having to do with me simply being unlikeable

Beware of basing your own perceptions on dubious normgroid neglective behaviours. Be sure to know what you are, why and why all else are right or wrong about whatever.

There must be some reason? But you cannot even elucidate it and yet you are accepting it: this is how the normgroid mind-frame taints you. BEWARE OF THAT.

File: 1627777029679.jpg (81.86 KB, 660x330, 2:1, 660-5-2.jpg) ImgOps iqdb


Anyone else here starting to miss quarantine times? I hate that normies go out again and do their socialising stuff.
8 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


I hope that lockdown will start up again. Lockdown was so comfy


I thought I was the only one…


nobody would care if you still wore it


>no mask
how else will lounge eye fuck with succubi?


I've never enjoyed /nightrides/ more than during that first normie panic
The entire city was mine, all the roads were mine, all life was somewhere else and I was the king of the streets. Then I said goodbye to the great outside and now I have to defend my 5 square feet from invasion.


I can not be mediocre or worst at things, it makes me feel a lot of guilt and shame.

Whether it's health, wealth, meaningful activities, relationships, mental strength or other visions … I'm always in the middle or below average.

Today I ran 5km competition and it was a succubus 2 years younger who ran much better than me and it made me feel even more useless.

When I look at myself in the mirror, there is not much to appreciate. People have since commented on how ugly I am.


File: 1630173184008.gif (1.57 MB, 640x358, 320:179, 45.gif) ImgOps iqdb

>Today I ran 5km competition and it was a succubus 2 years younger who ran much better than me and it made me feel even more useless.


OP, young people will almost always have the advantage in any physical competition.



Two years though


And the fact that they were female. Males usually have physical advantages over females.


>one chance at life
>catatonic schizophrenic, life was terrible even before I went totally insane, always had symptoms of psychomotor impoverishment/weird behavior since childhood, schizophasia
>someone who talked to me recently on discord said it was like talking with a monster
>already destroyed mentally, can't think clearly, no memory, no motivation
>have to kill myself before total catatonia sets in, don't have the nerve, stuck between two impossible outcomes

I'm so scared.

I wish I could show you what I've seen in my dreams.
20 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


Wellbutrin is a stimulant, so it can give you a positive kick. I mean, neuroleptics are bad.



CPS saves lives


Does it though? Seems like there is quite a bit of child abuse within the foster care system.


File: 1630183374155.pdf (1.58 MB, Grain Brain - Perlmutter, ….pdf)

A book about how many mental issues can be reduced or even averted just by casting out some types of food.



  [Go to top]   [Catalog]
Delete Post [ ]
[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10]
[ Home ] [ wiz / dep / hob / lounge / jp / meta / games / music ] [ all ] [  Rules ] [  FAQ ] [  Search /  History ] [  Textboard ] [  Wiki ]