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Depression
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 No.292453[Reply]

What print did it leave on you that you recognize as PTSD? Some tendency to react nervously, to fear situations you did not fear before it? Which kind of new conduct do you think it would help to not need to react as you did, so you may not be harmed by ptsd again if anything likely were to happen?

Or did rather your vulnerability towards it disappear?

 No.292553

Did you develop this from a similar situation



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 No.292493[Reply]

Even though I disagree with people saying "life is a gift" because until we are born we don't exist and are not feeling anything so we never feel any lack of something that being born satisfies I still can't help but want to experience life to the fullest but depression and my bad stats prevent me from doing anything. Life 1000 ago seemed pretty boring but life now can be like a themepark ride if you are not a broken person like me and can do things. As much as I can try I feel like I will never get to 100% performance and will always only be able to make small steps. But lifespan is limited so making small steps only severely limits my options.

I hope people here understand how depression can make you unable to truly enjoy something even if you like something so just because nothing is fun with depression doesn't mean everything objectively sucks and you are not missing out on anything.

Has anyone dealt with these thoughts and found a way to make peace with them?

 No.292495

those thoughts don't help you. think em once but when they pop up again, know that you are being held hostage by the depression.

the depression wants you to focus on what sucks, to fight it, focus on what is good and on what you want. keeping yourself busy with what you want is one nice way to deal with it i think.

when i doomscroll meme sites all day and watch conspiracy videos, then i feel like shit but when i use the day on getting along what i believe to be important, then i feel good.

 No.292496

The depressing thing about life is not that you are mentally ill and unable to compete in the rat race and win all the swell prizes, it's the fact that the rat race exists at all and that there is no alternative to it, human life loses all meaning once it divorces itself from the social order and hierarchies. On the one hand you want to be free from their oppressive value systems, on the other hand you're biologically dependent on it and at the end of the day, if you're not beating some other naked ape in some socially constructed game, you don't feel alive at all. How do I know that I matter at all if there isn't a society to define me and give value to my actions? That's the paradox every isolated individual encounters. You cannot create meaning from nothing, all of it is created and acquired through social systems around you, social systems that you despise and want to be free from.

 No.292497

>>292496
>human life loses all meaning once it divorces itself from the social order and hierarchies.

what makes you believe that? i don't think it is true. i divorced myself from social order and hierarchies and my life is better because i am not a slave as much; simple as. groups are just broken at this point in time.

>On the one hand you want to be free from their oppressive value systems, on the other hand you're biologically dependent on it


i don't believe this is true. the world does theater to convince you of this, a lot of 'people' say that but that doesn't make it true.

>and at the end of the day, if you're not beating some other naked ape in some socially constructed game, you don't feel alive at all.


what? no. you need to learn to skate that is what i am reading at this point…

>How do I know that I matter at all if there isn't a society to define me and give value to my actions?


those are puppet concerns. social validation is an illusion, a placebo. all beneficial effects from social interaction are those that socialization installed on you. they trained you to be worthless unless someone says otherwise because they wanted you to do what they said. you were born complete and had to be taught to believe you are lacking.

>That's the paradox every isolated individual encounters. You cannot create meaning from nothing, all of it is created and acquired through social systems around you, social systems that you despise and want to be free from.


when meaning is created by others, then that means you could create meaning for others and if you can create meaning for others, what makes you think you can not do it for yourself? what do you base this on? you got nothing to base that on, it is pure dog training what you are repeating.
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

 No.292517

>>292496
I'm only dependent on food production and medical care. Solar panels have solved electricity.

No matter how healthy I live, I might get unexpected health complications as I age, which I can't solve myself (like performing surgery on my own burst appendix or heart).

And realistically I'm not going to grow all my food myself even though I did choose to move away to a more farm-like home. I can grow some stuff myself but not all of it.

Everything else is meaningless noise. I can make do without the internet and have done so for stretches of years. Bill payment is mostly on the internet though and even I cannot escape taxes or mandatory bills.



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 No.292419[Reply]

Glimpse of beauty for hope of a man to draw upon the sword, to an uncertain outcome unwilling to bend to his will, that we mistaken for evil deeds. Not the hidden intention of her hubris that compels us to strive. We will know no rest until we realize the light of our prize is the only thing we sought after than the prize itself. Only then we can reclaim our rib back that was used to separate that essence from us, to taunt. The impractical is practical sometimes when the mind of a man isn't struggling to maintain a foundation, but already has one built.

What about loneliness I ask, it's a better price than a missing part of me to be satisfied in my own mind, than a partner who's fidelity is not certain, who might run off with it. At least then the light goes no where.

 No.292478

>>292419
and it can neither be used against you. Based and wizpilled

 No.292500




 No.285599[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

I've been on finasteride for 2 years and I just lost my job and had to move back with my parents and I noticed that my hairline is receding it looks bad, my hair is thinning too, even the back and sides are thinning so I will never be able to get a hair transplant. I've always been anxious about going bald because I have a really bad head shape and I just don't look good without hair, or well, i look worse than with full head of hair.
Balding young is fucking brutal and I don't feel like wearing a fedora or beanies it will make it all more obvious, i feel a pain in my chest and all this stress is causing me to lose more and more hair im in my early 20s but i look now like my male relatives who are full in their 50s.
I can't hide it and I don't want to be that bald guy everyone mocks.
Why it had to be me, wizards? I'm short and now balding, fucking life sucks and did nothing to deserve this.
138 posts and 6 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.292456

>>292452
>textwall
Damn.

A curious thing about this site is, that we might still be figuring out who is who according to our own mental biases, sometimes being hearty with those we have eventually hated, and viceversa.

How boring, this textwall :(
How full of diarrheic evil

 No.292464

I'm fascinated you didn't request me to cry you another river. I don't care about your opinion on my post. The saying "cry me a river" is by far the most disgusting thing I've ever heard in my life. My hatred towards it is boundless and there are not many faggots who say that.

 No.292475

>>292464
>opinion on my post
It's called "description". Grab a dictionary if you don't believe me.
>>292464
Oh, am I being too harsh? ¬¬

 No.292485

>>292475
>too harsh
No, just too retarded.

 No.292486

>>292485
Suffer at ease. This is not a place for your likes, as it is neither any other imageboard.


[Last 50 Posts]

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 No.292333[Reply]

Summarize how you ended up here and what you think your future looks like. I'm asking because the derealization and overall depression is creeping up again.
5 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.292343

idk honestly, i didnt know its possible to get to this point. cuz theres like 10 death sentences on my head - destroyed physical health, mentally broken, drug withdrawal, forever stuck with insane family without a room, inevitable homelessness, debt broke cant work etcetera. its nothing but pure hell.
i dont have a future. ive been a walking corpse for months. i actually have to kill myself before 1st june because i'll run out of xanax and i won't survive 10mg withdrawal anyway.
hobos have lives 10x better than me, and there is no one to talk to. everyone in my situation has killed themselves years ago. Me too, i lost everything, have nothing and no one, the only thing holding me back is my own insanity of fear and delusion. I'm in physical pain 80-90% of the time and feel like i'm dying(i probably am) often.
This is nothing, the hell i experienced will get a thousand times worse and last decades if i won't die, so wish me luck for things to end as soon as possible, it's the only way for me to get saved.

 No.292357

>>292343
stay strong brother. you are a good person who deserves none of this.

 No.292363

>>292337
Even if they do not see us as crabs, many normies out there will still insist on us being so out of pure outrage. Just have a look at r/justneckbeardthings to see how they all seething by inner issues they do not dare to be honest about

Let rumours spread, as long we keep ourselves giving proper replies against failed normies here, their presence should not be feared…

yet even so, the importance you give to your image is always something that can eb used against you

 No.292369

File: 1716159145115.jpg (38.53 KB, 608x448, 19:14, 9c4f619a058bcb4bd16c3457e3….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>grew up socially inept
>Had a phase where I praised Nazism >ended up joining discords
>Introduced me to /pol/
>Lurked there for a bit on 4chan
>Realized females popularized the movement so I left
>Basically they join groups then we orbit them
>We orbit them and we fight and die for them
>A pointless concept for a vagina
>Redpill movement became popular and they surrounded their whole ideology getting vagina
>Left all that shit behind
>Became cynical with the nature of females
>All political ideas are warped around defending the honor of vagina havers
>Became apolitical after
>Isolated myself socially from online groups
>Felt most of my teenage years were based on arguing online
>Found the idea of an image board was kind of cool at lot of richness than you would find on social media
>All of them were fucking dead
>One except for wizchan
>Still have cynical view of female nature, and a place to vent
>Decided to join it even though it's slow
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 No.292482

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>>292333
If any you is constantly trying to fix something that needs your worry and stress once and again… you are going to get sick, even at the point of ruining your body.

Take just action, better. Blunt and excessive… or rather do nothing.



 No.292259[Reply]

Anyone else have terrible anhedonia. It manifests as not experiencing any enjoyment from reading or listening to music for me and merely existing is agonizingly monotonous. The only this that used to help was to drink caffeine but now that isn't giving me enjoyment in things much anyone. I'm at a loss as to what to do at this point. I also have schizoprenia and am on neetbux.
3 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.292304

>>292294
How do you spend your time? Or are there any ways you deal with the anhedonia?

 No.292406

>>292304
Sometimes I find a way out. But mostly dreadful and I must take time to recover between fasting periods.
>somatic issues

I once tried holotropic breathwork but I was so fucked up it barely did nothing apart from making me notice the energetic blockages inside me. Everyone else had their happy hallucinations, tho.

 No.292412

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Idk if this is anhedonia but I am only able to feel pleasure in short burts and it ruined my life as pleasure is what ultimately motivates action. But if meaningful activities only give me a short burst of pleasure and then I get bored I end up choosing browsing the internet over it as it gives me continuous short burts of pleasure from all the different stimuli. Idk what meds I could take to help with this. I thought this was ADHD but so far ritalin and vyvanse did nothing. Sometimes when all the stars align I feel this sense of calm and engagement and am able to read for a long time effortlessly so I imgaine that's how normal people feel. But I have no idea what triggers it.

 No.292414

I wonder if my anhedonia isn't caused by an anxiety disorder. Like for example worrying that I'm wasting time, worrying that I'm not productive, worrying that the thing I'm doing is not worth the time. I worry nonstop. I was overly anxious since I remember. I wish I was dead.

 No.292479

File: 1716464190007.jpg (93.58 KB, 1080x1080, 1:1, A moment for art.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>292414
Stop.Chasing.Things.
Let the shit come lest the dread of constantly hustling in fear of it is already killing you slowly: disobey anxiety, pull a fight.



 No.292133[Reply]

I was at work and had to just fucking sit there and listen to this guy go on and on about how succubi constantly hit him up and fucked him. I normally don't react to this kind of stuff. But then he showed video after video after video and it eventually got to me. This fuck is the same age as me but his life just seemed so much easier. I legitimately didn't understand what it's like to have a fucking succubus text you. Want to see you. He even said "You're not ugly. How?" I just didn't have an answer. I just live with the cope that some people just have it easier and others like myself emit and anti succubus field. I am happier the further away from sex and relationship shit I hear. Normally I can just live around it and it doesn't bother me. This time was different some how. What the fuck.
17 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.292221

>>292216
>>292216
the point is you're speaking to voices in your head as i am not coomer and never even tried to appear as one. that greatly undermines what you tell me about tao as i don't see an enlightened monk but a delusional wretch jumping everyone for no reason just to boast about tao

 No.292443

>>292133
You have no answer because there is no answer to be given. They deserve no explanation, as foids deserve no attention.

It is an humilliation to go after their skirts like a coomer.

 No.292444

>>292221
Yup. And that's better than fine to me. So whatever

 No.292468

>>292206
Read more about life and stop having illiterate views on life and self sabotaging yourself with insipid bullshit like romance because it i a Capitalistically funded to increase more money for the capital and increase more celibacy and lesser population, The less relationships are they become a rarity and as they are a rarity then the spending will become more expensive.

Love and sex is made for people who cannot grasp profound meaning of life and find what's beyond life, You think Occult's central though of mind is only love? No, They know there are more things better in life which is control and spiritualism. They entertain themselves by massive sex in order to exterminate intrinsic thoughs and march forward.

You still have more to learn in life.

 No.292469

>>292468
"Love and sex" being a capitalist scheme to get more moneys does correlate with the fact that leftists and other varieties of communists are usually ugly and unloving.



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 No.292323[Reply]

Today I sat down. I thought about that definition of reality: "Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, does not go away."
The broader ontological consequences of this definition will be collapsed into the personal dimensions of the crisis of my life.
I've been up. I've been down. At one time I had a keen awareness of the transience of these states; at another time, I held the grave conviction that such states would last me the rest of my life.
In each case, these states came to pass.
So once I was midst-flight, knowing in the back of my mind that I could not soar above the earth and all my problems forever. I knew that a stone's fate was to fall when thrown.
And once I had fallen - fallen into what the ancient Germanics called "der hoelle", or "hell", or "hole" - and lain there, I felt entombed by my fate.
In each case, these states came to pass.

So the only thing that remained constant - was real - was the mutability of existence and perception.

>"I hope it does, he thought, see clearly, because I can't any longer these days see into myself. I see only murk. Murk outside; murk inside. I hope, for everyone's sake, the scanners do better. Because, he thought, if the scanner sees only darkly, the way I myself do, then we are cursed, cursed again and like we have been continually, and we'll wind up dead this way, knowing very little and getting that little fragment wrong too."


Yesterday, while lying on the floor in the middle of the night, I observed within myself something strange. As I was slowly released from the grips of another depressive episode, I felt some strange yearning to return to the same low down place I was in. I wanted my sorrows back, even as the imprints they left on my psyche faded. What would cause someone to go looking for pain? There's a kind of certitude that comes with being at the bottom of the hole, certainty in one's own fate and the harshness of the world. Perhaps I wanted that security.

Maybe my life has been one long fall backwards into the grave. Then what do I say about reality, and what of my shifting perceptions of reality? Maybe there is only the fall, that's the only reality there is. Any future I dreamed up for myself, whether pleasant or nightmarish, would have been a convenient fabrication. I can read this or any of my other ruminations back to myself, and sometimes they will seem cogent and other times they won't. Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

 No.292324

not your blog

 No.292341

I will never understand why some people choose to target this site for their incoherent navel-gazing

 No.292402

File: 1716210660205.jpg (43.54 KB, 500x500, 1:1, Rumi - these pains you fee….jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>292341
>>292324
Be at least kind enough to shut your holes if not saying any useful matter, in any case.
>and fucking back to reddit or whatever dirtpile of a network you came from


>>292323
Ok you, have some pic. And let not the cunts prevent you from posting whatever else your mind feels to vomit, specially schizoposts

 No.292455

>>292341
Then leave

 No.292467

File: 1716423553064.jpg (293.02 KB, 960x960, 1:1, 1652472693032.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

OP, I appreciated your post very much. I wrote very similar things when I was younger. There are wider realities. Keep feeling and keep writing.



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 No.292256[Reply]

>almost a wizard
>imigrant
>NEET
>leech of state
>loser
my life was a mistake. You may post in this thread if you are also all of these
2 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.292272

>>292258
they don't kill us here, are you living in africa? anyway i don't appreciate your passion to guro. also now that i look at your pics more closely it seems i recognize you. you've been doing some crazy shit here a year or so ago, maybe earlier. guro is not very pleasant to look at at least use the spoiler man.

 No.292321

Your problems can be fixed, too bad i dont know the solution.

 No.292322

>almost a wizard
That's good
>imigrant
Go home
>NEET
That is comfy, that is cool
>leech of state
Good, the state serves the people not the other way around
>loser
Can't lose a race you didn't run in.
>>292258
>the only people I fear for me and my family are racists people. if I saw one I'll be murdered by them or beaten up or even saying racist things to me.
>I forgot to say I'm muslim
In any G7 country, it is a federal offence to discriminate against your kind in any capacity. We are racist and we do generally dislike you, but the government will only lap up your tears and make sure you come out on top if one of us ever martyrs ourselves by daring to suggest you wipe your ass for once.
>I am a parasyte
Infect the government

 No.292403

>>292256
Do not let your own persona get engulfed by the mindframe of that shit life is. The guilty ones are not to be lost from sight

 No.292454

>>292322
Based and wizpilled



 No.292037[Reply]

i have strange urges when i watch lights flicker on the screen. they do it so smoothly and nicely. i feel like i want to flicker with them but i can't. what the fuck, jesus christ

I went outside again today.

It's amazing how fake everything looks. I mean, when people use the word "fake" here in Los Angeles; they're usually referring to the superficiality of the city's culture.

When I use the word "fake" here; I'm actually referring to how unusually artificial the world at large feels now. It's difficult to describe. It's not a pleasant feeling. I can spend most of the day outside and it doesn't stop feeling fake.

 No.292043

>i have strange urges when i watch lights flicker on the screen. they do it so smoothly and nicely. i feel like i want to flicker with them but i can't. what the fuck, jesus christ
that's copypaste of my old post i made a very long time ago. the rest is not mine. are you trying to gaslight me about my insanity or did you forget to quote or what the fuck?

 No.292044

>>292043
Are the lights in your screen flickering right now?

 No.292052

are you vaccinated? the aggressive satanic falseness of the last 4 years has changed people in a possibly permanent way. the world's identity has been made to hinge on a massive lie for over a thousand days now. many people have been seriously affected by the weight of this lie, by the weight of having to live in a world that is intentionally estranged from the truth. this must necessarily seep downward into all the littler parts of life. until we correct the deceptive habits of our (((rulers))), the emptiness, fakeness, falseness, scattered feelings of disassociation, will remain.

 No.292446

Put yourself in the darkness while wearing a reflecting suit, a lantern pointing at you

Turn on and off along with the flickering lights you wish to sync with.

"Problem, stroboscopes?"



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