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 No.207554[Reply]

Do you feel like you simply are not meant to be here on Earth?

Do you feel apathy towards the traditional metric of human growth and success (allegiance, military service, philanthropy, job, family, children, property, wife, friends)?

Do you frequently question you being here on this planet as a member of this species?

A lot of troubles in my life can be summed up to being incompatible with people. I simply don't "get" things that appear to be intuitive/common knowledge to other people. I don't care about most of things people care about. I don't display the "appropriate" emotions at the "appropriate" opportunities.

Every groid stereotype you can think up, I likely don't fit the mold. It's as if a divine power stuck the spirit of an alien or animal into this fleshy body to observe how'd it turn out to have opposing elements exist together, because they were bored.

Now, let's return to the original question: do you feel like an alien stranded on Earth? Please elaborate.
17 posts and 4 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.210680

I remember that when my depression and anxiety were at their worst and I was on antidepressants, I thought I was dead. Like there was a big book, full of the names of people that should be dead and my name was on it, but for some reason I was alive. But people could tell I wasn't supposed to be there.

I was fixated on the fact that I should have died when I was 18 or less. If I was at any other time in history, something would have killed me, sickness, war, etc.

Now my anxiety ain't that bad and I have accepted that I will kill myself before I'm 28, so my depression is only occasionally bad. But I know I don't belong anywhere and even if people "like" me, they will soon realize I am who I am and go away. Which works in my favor as I don't have to fake being normal.

 No.210681

>Do you feel like you simply are not meant to be here on Earth?
No. My place is here, on Earth, in a tiny room that has a pc and a door with a lock on it to keep people out.
>Do you feel apathy towards the traditional metric of human growth and success (allegiance, military service, philanthropy, job, family, children, property, wife, friends)?
Yes.
>Do you frequently question you being here on this planet as a member of this species?
No, I don't do that at all. There have always been people like me - Christopher Thomas Knight, hermits, etc. After learning of their existence everything in my brain fell into place. These were "my people", no matter how ironic it may sound. Everything I do is justified. Everything I do is "right".
>do you feel like an alien stranded on Earth?
No. I am where I'm supposed to be. I already elaborated earlier.

 No.210682

The unease with existence comes and goes these days.

 No.210734

>>207554
Are you me?

 No.210741

i don't because that assumes an externality turned towards the individual, and realistically that's not how existence works. i don't think anyone's "meant" for anything, a lot of life is a sum of coincidences, both success and failure can be attributed to probability on multiple scales, the only human aspect really is the cognitive ability to recognize patterns and things like that.


 No.210587[Reply]

i am facially.deformed from a fire accident from a child which i attribute my wizardry, what about you
6 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.210631

Might be my narcissism talking, but I'm pretty sure that I am attractive, or was, at least. I am fairly certain at least 2 succubi were interested in me. It was back in my teenage years, so succubi were only learning to hide their feelings, that's why I'm so sure. I was a late bloomer, didn't even fap back then, so their efforts were in vain.
Dunno if I'm still attractive and don't really care. I spend all day at home and don't interact with people, succubi and men alike, so my appearance has no effect on my life as it is now.

 No.210633

I would say I'm pretty average, I attribute my wizardry more to the fact that as little skin deep I'm a human train wreck and I don't know what kind of freak you would have to be, to be fully attracted to me.

 No.210634

>>210627
no
why?

 No.210635

>>210630
Do you change your pillow case regularly?

 No.210669

pretty normal looking, maybe even a bit attractive


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 No.210628[Reply]

How do you develop patience?

I'm so tired of just being a consumer but every time I get excited about the prospect of creating something I feel despair over how long it takes to get to that point. At least 2 years of daily exercise before you can make something decent and then depending on what you create it could take weeks or months or more to just make one thing. How do others find the patience to endure all this effort for a reward that is so far away?

 No.210629

As you get older you come to realize the pros and the cons are equally as powerful

The con is that, unlike when you were younger, you don't feel comfortable being patient anymore. It's hard now.

The pro is that, since you are indeed older and wiser, you have what your younger self didn't by comparison: the sort of experience you looked up to.

Basically you now have the power to create the kind of things you enjoyed when you were younger, but it takes alot out of you depending on how you use it.

That's where the catalyst to patience's substrate come in: commitment.

It can be both a powerful yet dangerously taxing trait if you're not 100% certain you want to get through a certain project (sticking with it through thick and thin can be a bitch and espresso only exacerbates the situation once it's done if not used wisely).

That's why it's always advised to start off with smaller projects so as to know your limits before tackling bigger ones. Hope that helped.

 No.210640

File: 1573593687476.jpg (1.09 MB, 2000x1125, 16:9, 1571884690938.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

You don't need patience, you need to redefine your goals. Whatever you're trying to learn is unrewarding because your goal is too far in the future. The key is having micro goals that are easily reachable, preferably in a single session, which boost your enjoyment but also make you progress skill-wise.

At the time I was learning programming, I didn't know this, but the reason I was continually sitting down to write code was because every time I did, I managed to implement a small feature or solve a small problem or even fail miserably at a larger dream project but manage to implement something kinda visually impressive and "cool" that made me come back the next day. Even today in my professional work, I always implicitly have small "goals" in mind when sitting down to write a feature. Like, it's almost as if I can sense, feel, the next step which makes me motivated and feel good when I reach it.

This doesn't mean that having long-term goals is bad, but your focus when working/practicing should be in reaching immediate, smaller yet visually inspiring and concrete goals that make you come back the next day. The people that start drawing shitty chibi characters end up drawing more and eventually get better. The people that start with an anatomy textbook are going to fail immediately and never touch it again, because why the fuck would they?

>b-but it isn't rewarding

The reward depends on your perception and immediate goals. An artist might draw a really impressive picture and yet feel as if their work is mediocre and not rewarding because it's not even close to what they wanted. The reward is essentially the positive emotional valence you feel when you perceive yourself progressing in your goals, which makes the reward completely dependent on the goal and not on the activity itself.

"Goal" perhaps isn't the right word for it. These "goals" aren't high-level abstract fictional narratives that you want to achieve, they're very concrete, visual, direct perceptual goals. Like, when you sit down to draw, your immediate "goal" would be to perceive some kind of character and you keep it in mind as you work. Like I described, you want to feel as if the "goal" is right around the corner. It actually has nothing to do with your long-term ambitions or plans, it's about the immediate experience you're expecting, which both serves as a guide to the next step and makes you know when you're close to Post too long. Click here to view the full text.


 No.210303[Reply]

what to do when you are on the verge of suiciding but can't afford to visit a psychiatrist
5 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.210366

Be vagabond, wander around, kill yourself whenever you're ready

 No.210476

Start sabotaging yourself so your life spirals out of control and you have no hope of ever getting better so it makes it easier to kill yourself. The depression should make it easy and natural.

 No.210617

Smoke so either lung cancer or a heart attack takes you in time. I'm not kidding. Helps with the anxiety as well.

 No.210619

If you REALLY don't want to do it, drink no more than two doubleshot espressos, three if it's a desperate emergency.

You may/may not get hooked on it, but you'll live to be at least 28 by figuring it out along the way, trust me. XP

 No.210620

>>210303
A psychiatrist will just give you jewpills,it won't do anything besides that.

I don't know where you are but in my 3rd world shithole you can buy prozac and other antidepressants for very cheap and without a medical recipe,you may be able to do the same.

You may want to see a psychologist for coping strategies,far better than psychiatry


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 No.210535[Reply]

Does anyone here have experience with attention deficit disorder as an adult? I have read the symptoms catalog and it seems like I fit in the category. But I don't have the hyperactivity as I'm much more dreamy and forgetful. I especially refer to ADHD-PI

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attention_deficit_hyperactivity_disorder_predominantly_inattentive#DSM-5_criteria
7 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.210580

>>210549
How is taking something that enables me to live a decent life not moving forward? It's impossible to escape your brains structures without external help.

 No.210585

>>210580
I mean if you are certain/almost certain that you are gonna commit sudoku without the meds, then i can imagine how they might be the better choice.
If you have strong willpower/discipline and will not increase the doses (which i strongly doubt considering where we are) than it might even be worth it
It is very likely that it will not be worth it in the long run though, but that is up to you to decide. I would personally hate to lose control over myself and hand it over to some substance. Even the coffee dependence (dependence =/= addiction btw) i have i would rather have not but its a tradeoff i suppose.

Note this however: meds only treat the symptoms while self-improvement is permanent. I would strongly advise you against taking the easy choice

 No.210596

>>210585
The main problem is that I don't see how I can manage to start self-improvement all by myself. This hasn't worked for years and I don't see what I could do differently anymore. This is literally the only way which I can imagine works for me. I agree that it sucks to be dependent on a substance that alters your chemical structure and has other side effects. I just don't care enough anymore to not at least try it. First of all I would have to get a prescription which seems rather difficult in my country so maybe all this will lead to nothing.

 No.210601

>>210548
Ritalin wont really help you with depression/suicidal thoughts. At least it didn't for me. It probably will help you with your ADHD symptoms, but in the long run it is unlikely to fix your primary problem.
From what you have said you seem pretty similar to my situation a number of years ago. What helped me most was anti-depression medication, specifically wellbutrin(bupropion) and Zoloft(sertraline). In particular wellbutrin helped me with both depression/suicidal thoughts and some of the side effects of ADHD.
In my experience it is very important to deal with depression first instead of ADHD.

 No.210612

My theory is that people with ADHD are descended from fighters. Their brains are designed to focus on short, intense, violent situations, not long drawn out societal hurdles like school and wagecucking. If you think you have ADHD, then you should see that as an indication that you need to do some high t shit.

Also don't take the Adderall. I did it at a low dose for a few months and I still worry that I damaged my brain.


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 No.208139[Reply]

Have you ever considered by what process we become what we are, that is to say, failed organisms? A successful organism from a purely biological perspective, is one which reproduces itself many times. That's not to say there's any real value in that, there isn't; but there is evolutionary utility. How does a 90 iq street thug produce many offspring between prison incarcerations, and a 120 iq wizard produces none with all of his free time. Whether by choice or by chance, by mistake or fortune, it is interesting to think about.
5 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.208259

>>208139
>>208142
>>208192
Evolution for humans have slowly become meaningless, there's barely any natural selection anymore; almost every baby get to survive to adulthood.

>>208188
Our technology may have advanced but we still cling to biological instincts that are no longer relevant.

Most religions are way to enforce those biological instincts onto collective level rather than individual, e.g. reproduction and sanctity of life.

 No.208263

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>>208139
>How does a 90 iq street thug produce many offspring between prison incarcerations, and a 120 iq wizard produces none with all of his free time

We are in a spiritual warfare and we are winning by not acting like apes.

 No.210571

>failed organisms
I always say I am a failed experiment

 No.210583

>>210571
Hey, thank you for necrobumping my thread familia.

 No.210589

File: 1573482956393.jpg (95.82 KB, 734x567, 734:567, 1573022290827.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

>>208139
>How does a 90 iq street thug produce many offspring between prison incarcerations, and a 120 iq wizard produces none with all of his free time.
I used to think I was smarter because I was redpilled about the world but reality taught me that I'm just as dumb as the rest of the population. Intelligence is all about academia. Problem solving through the use of logic and I personally suck at that. I'd imagine a lot of you here are like that as well. Don't want to bring my fellow wiz down but sometimes a little bit of self awareness helps.


 No.210092[Reply]

I don’t know how common autism is amongst wizards. Because there are many self-proclaimed “crabs” who look down upon autists (ie mentalcels) and people in general just sort of seem to frown upon people with autism. I have aspergers and I have many problems with processing empathy, because people with autism can’t register it the same way NTs do. I would personally consider anyone who doesn’t have autism to be “NT”, even people with more serious disorders like Schizophrenia. Maybe not people with ASPD, since they seem kinda related.
17 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.210246

>>210242
thanks.

 No.210546

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>>210209
20ish. By that time my mother was long gone, and the autism had won.

 No.210557

>autism
I doubt it is autism but when I check the schizophrenia symptoms I have them all except the delusions and hallucinations

 No.210576

Autism is so vaguely defined nowadays. It's just a category for anyone who acts very awkward without being clearly insane.
I think that can have several reasons. If you're only anxious or being ostracized as a child, you might end up socially retarded despite being neurotypical.

 No.210588

I don’t mean to derail this thread but what about someone with Avoidant Personality Disorder (APD)? Are they considered NT?


 No.208567[Reply]

Another shitty anhedonic riddled day to get through. Great. One of my most sincere wishes, and perhaps, hilariously enough, I'm alone in feeling this way even on Wizchan, but I really fucking wish I could just enjoy getting lost in modern entertainment again, specifically video games.

Fuck all this "I want an actual 'skill' I can use/learn", "indulging in escapism isn't what you should be doing", "escapism is bad", blah, blah, norman-tier bullshit I've seen so many idiots on this site endlessly parrot or go on about. In my case, I just want, desperately want, for this sort of stuff to enrapture/occupy me the way it used to and for it to always do so until the day I die. Anhedonia is literally the devil incarnate. Years of this fucking shit now. YEARS. Fuck, I hate this. Fucking hell, I hate this. Why can't you just leave me alone? God damned unending pestilence. Everything else is perfect (has been for years upon years now), but nope. Chronic anhedonia's gotta eventually fuck it all up & ruin everything. Like being in an idyllic garden full of ripe fruit, that end up as ash in one's mouth the moment they take a bite. This is so fucking shit man. Why couldn't humanity have evolved from a species that doesn't suffer from this kind of garbage? Is anhedonia just endemic to consciousness itself, or just shit eating apes specifically? Sometimes I fucking wonder. Because you know what, yeah. By rights, I should be able to just get drunk on vidya, or whatever else, 24/7. Why the fuck shouldn't I? Anhedonia, that's why. It's not fucking fair, man. I just want to actually enjoy what I'm doing, like I used to. Is that so much to ask? These days, it's like fucking pulling teeth to do this shit! A constant fucking struggle! What the hell? WHY? I swear to fuck, I'd even give up my sizable NEETbux if it meant I never had to suffer from this kind of debilitating joylessness ever again. I wish I could just somehow choke the life out of this fucking demon. Anhedonia literally makes a mockery of my entire existence.

Drugs & alcohol are not an option for me. So for all you wizzies out there quick to suggest, "Durrrr, juz get drunk & smoke dat weed, lol", please keep it to yourself. The only sort of "advice" I could possibly expect to get at this point, even from Wizchan. Either that, or norman-like finger-wagging & condemnation from those cretins I mentioned earlier who jack themselves off to Jordan Peterson at night, or whomevPost too long. Click here to view the full text.
30 posts and 9 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.210547

>>210526
Agreed. Doing nothing is like battery charging. Porn should be avoided at any cost.

 No.210558

>>210526
>just wait
I cannot get myself to even start it
I have 8 TB of warez to consume and I cannot start anything of it, let alone finnish it. Last anime I watched was in july

music is the only thing left for me to enjoy and when that fades, the boredom will drive me to suicide most likely

 No.210568

Let me tell you buddy, you're anhedonia doesn't exist, I thought I had anhedonia and decided to do drugs and now i know truly what anhedonia is, you just lack willpower and motivation to do anything.

 No.210577

>>210568
>you only need drugs to have anhedonia

 No.210582

>>208567

I'm confused. What do you expect from us after this rant? you don't want interaction, yet you post. Care to explain?


 No.209997[Reply]

Do you look different?

I am smaller than everyone else, somewhat muscular because lifting is my autistic hobbie. Got a very visible skin disease and I am paler, got a buzzcut, got a weird sense of fashion and actually like dressing up despite being reserved. So I very visibly stand in a group of people which is uncomfortable and I am forced to go out and work like a wagecuckand I hate how 90% other people dress.
11 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.210076

>>209997
I'm fairly thin (about 6 feet tall and a bit under 140 pounds) and extremely pale. I've worn only black clothes since I was a teenager, but I don't think this looks all that weird since I'm not playing dress-up like a goth or anything, just black t shirts (hoodies if it's cold) with black jeans.
Also, I've never been able to have a normal haircut. My hair grows out into something that looks almost exactly like Anton Chigurh; I was surprised when I read that this was intended to be a "strange and unsettling" hairstyle since this is just what I've naturally looked like for decades.

 No.210524

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I'm 6'4 and lean because boxing is one of my wizard hobbies. I never do laundry so I wear the same clothes for several months until they are too vile. I only wear swimming suits, no underwear. Haven't worn underwear in like 4 years. Top is a grey hoodie. I smell terrible because I sleep on the floor in a blanket that I haven't washed in 5 years, wearing the same clothes I wear while awake. I'm always out of socks, so I wear mismatched, putrid socks. When I have to leave the hovel I sometimes wear a blue Dodger's hat. I only leave the hovel at night for food. I'm trying to leave during the day to go to boxing, but I've been 100% nocturnal for months. My hair is unkempt and shaggy. And I have a full bushy beard. When I shave it, I'm pretty good looking I think. I think a lot of people think I'm either:

A.) Homeless
B.) Addicted to drugs
C.) Schizophrenic

But I'm none of those. Most people keep their distance. Succubi especially look at me with alarm and fear. I have no friends. I have one e-friend who I play vidya with, who is also a disgusting hikikomori. My only friend IRL was a spider in my bathroom that I'd talk to while drying off with my stinky, fungal towel. But I accidentally threw my shirt on it's web so now it's gone.

 No.210527

I look like a retard and people treat me like a retard.

 No.210560

I have the typical school shooter looks
>unstylish glasses
>receding hair
>ugly facial structures
>sleepy eyes
if I grew a beard, people could mistake me for a suicide bomber even

 No.210567

i am 5'9, white, facially deformed since a child, i was in a fire which disfigured my face, everywhere i go people avoid my stare, I am repulsive and it was over before it even began. i work manual labour which is the highlight of my day as i get worked hard for peanuts but i forget about reality as I am release endorphins and sweat myself to exhaustion


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 No.208382[Reply]

How do I explain to my parents that after 10+ years of social isolation, touch starvation, untreated depression, you know the whole deal … your batteries are not fully charged and you're not ready to take on the world? Because that's what they seem to be thinking.

In their mind, I was fed and housed and didn't have to work for so long that I must be bursting with energy and just not using that energy because being a depressed wreck is so much fun. They are turbo norman in all other aspects, so this does not surprise me, but seriously, is there any way to explain this to them?
34 posts and 3 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.210528

You can halt the drain and even provide bursts of recharge if you make some habits
start by making your bed, if you can do that, you're golden. next day you can even clean up part of your table. day after, who knows…
imagine if you continued this, what would happen in 3 months?

 No.210529

>>210528
i am speaking from experience, i dont browse here often (i still belong here mind you, i'm not that far into recovery) and the one thing that helped the most is quitting toxic negativity. i wince when seeing other threads here, it's hot garbage; get those suicidal/autodestructive thoughts out of your life ASAP, this is pure poison and immaturity.
most wonderful thing is being able to talk to normans as if they were equal, i still feel uneasy when they respond but the pax normana has been established finally. cheers

 No.210532

>>210395
this. your life sucks so you're depressed, not the other way around. People confuse cause and effect

 No.210551

>>208382
They don't want to admit they have a severely unwell son. It would mean accepting some responsibility for your problems and an acknowledgement that they're probably not going to get those grandchildren they want so badly.

 No.210556

>batteries not fully charged
I like this battery analogy
but in fact it is more like the memory effect
you know that effect on some batteries when they fail to reload and constantly get stuck on low capacity no matter how long you charge them
this is what it feels like for me


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