/dep/ - Depression

Anyone else like having imaginary conversations in your head?

I like just sitting here for 30 minutes straight talking to myself in my head.

   

Need to get my parents booked into therapy or something, these psychotic cunts get into full fucking screaming matches over the smallest most retarded fucking things that any sane human being could resolve by just talking and being patient with each other. It's gotten worse and worse since my older sister moved out, she's the only one they occasionally would listen to and respect as an adult. I'm 20 years old and pay a portion of their fucking bills out of my own pocket but they still consider me a child and never listen to anything I say, so I can't stop them from being at each other's throats all the fucking time.

Today they came to blows because my dad wanted to get something from across the room my mum was in while she was doing something else and she didn't want to pause what she was doing to let him fetch it. This is the kind of fucking inane bullshit that they scream and shout over every single fucking day, it's unbelievable these are both over 50 fucking year old "adults". I only barely stopped them from laying hands on each other over this utterly fucking meaningless squabble.

I hate living under the same roof as these animal people, these fucking creatures that day-in day-out behave in this manner towards someone they are supposed to love and then turn around and treat ME like I'm a fucking little six year old kid. I hate being dependent on them as I am for food and shelter, and therefore feeling like I can't fully reproach the vile manner with which they conduct themselves. I would move out in a heartbeat but I don't know how to cook, and the only jobs available to me are minimum wage monkey work which means splitting the bills and sharing a home with random normalniggers. I feel trapped, I don't know what to do or where to start to escape this situation, or if I even should because I'm positive these fucking scum will genuinely kill each other if left to their own devices. I hate this life and I hate these people.

What does /dep/ think of his suicide? He had everything going for him but he had mental issues. Yet you guys and me don't have the balls to kill ourselves.

Oh shit, edition

                                                 
                           

Few things distress me as much as being uncertain about the existence of God. If something like God (an omnipotent, omniscient, omnibenevolent person who created the universe) exists I need to know everything I can about that being, I don't think there is a more serious issue than that. I've always been a wretch with suicidal tendencies and I've been hospitalized several times in psychiatric hospitals, drugs are not very effective and living never seemed to be worth it, I just want to die. However, if the God of any of these Abrahamic religions exists, I could end up in hell if I kill myself, my suffering would just be multiplied infinitely. Even though I have read extensively on this topic from both a philosophical and a scientific point of view, I still find myself with agnostic and atheistic tendencies. There's always the possibility that I'm an idiot who can't properly analyze the evidence, my mind has been a little numb from some medications I take. Every day that goes by without me getting an answer just makes me more anxious, but maybe it's all bullshit and I shouldn't care so much, but it's not something I can control. All I want, in the end, is to get off the face of this planet and not end up in an even worse place, but this is a relatively risky move. I would like to know how the other wizards deal with this question: do you even care about this? what are your conclusions?

I know we tend to shit on people for being failed normies but I wonder how many here have voluntarily chosen the wiz life rather than being forced into it from failure to be a normie

Hey I know no one is asking me for advice and I know some of you will be offended by this.

I changed to a diet where I exclusively prepare everything I eat with my own hands (no one cooks me food unless I eat something fancy/specific outside). I quit (land) meat too, it's literally easier to eat seafood instead, or no meat at all. Also I exercise 6 days a week now.

I only have to struggle with mental illness, not with mental illness AND my physical health at the same time. I automatically feel better. I feel unburdened. I don't have to worry about food because preparing "vegetarian" stuff is easy. I don't even have to peel, cut or prepare most of the fruits I eat.

Take it as you want. If you're feeling miserable this could help you feel less miserable. It's not a cure and it's not about "improvement" either. It's not about normies either, in case you got butthurt about the idea of being physically healthy and grooming yourself.

Is anyone else here ugly?
And by ugly I mean fucking ugly, to the point you get ostracized from society.
I had cystic acne when I was a teenager (I'm in my early 30s now) and that left me with scars all over my face, I also have facial seborrheic dermatitis and a very oily T-zone. I'm also a bald manlet and I'm hairy like a gorilla. When I talk to people I can see how they struggle to look at my face. They usually get watery eyes after a while of trying to have a conversation with me and they have to look away to clean their eyes. I'm a fucking monster. This has affected every single area of my life. I have been a NEET for years, not because I want to, but because I have no choice. The few times I've ever gotten a job I got bullied by all my coworkers, even my bosses. They always conspire against me to get me fired as soon as possible because they don't want to see my ugly face anymore. I have spend so much money on skincare and treatments, but nothing ever works. Even my own family members bully me, they're extremely cruel to me and celebrate every bad thing that happens to me, I think they're waiting for my parents to die to see if I kill myself. Almost everybody I know hates me for no apparent reason other than because I'm ugly. I have always tried to be a decent person and I have always treated people with as much respect and kindness as I can, but all I have received in return are insults and humilliations. Over time this has affected my mental health and I'm at my wits' end. This is like a curse and I just don't know what to do anymore.

I feel somewhat scared about my newfound positivity in life, I had never felt like this as an adult and I'm nearing 30. I started getting grandiose delusions more frequently, my behavior is more aggressive and I don't care about showing my aggression to others. People reaffirm I look attractive and acceptable to them now, I started grooming for fun and it's healthy for self-esteem.

Anyways, if I go to far I could get into trouble with the law. I've gotten into problems before. Been learning to play it "smart" by not engaging physically, only for self-defense. Police sucks.

can't do basic tasks a child can
at least the building is tall enough for me to kill myself by jumping