/dep/ - Depression

Share your various traumatic experiences that still haunts you to this very day.

I am incapable of considering and preparing for the future and it fucks me up.

I didn't have motivation to study in college because I hated my subject and didn't really care about money because all I did was browse the net, watch anime, read manga and play retro video games which you can all do with a cheap laptop. I thought that the future will just get better and we might get UBI and more cheap escapist technology. I never even considered the fact that:

>i will get tired of these things and want more
>i will get sick of consooming and want to create
>my parents will get tired of me and we will get into arguments
>the future will actually get worse because of the economy, global instability and climate change
>neetbux could get reduced, come with harsh conditions or straight up canceled
>my health will get worse as the 20s buff wears off and I might need more money for better healthcare

Now I got tired of video games, internet and anime but these things ruined my attention span so its hard to focus on things that are more challenging and dont give instant gratification.

I want to finally move out but with the current housing crisis it seems impossible.

I have constant anxiety for the future and wish I had money and skills to at least have some mobility and choice and not just be at the mercy of fate.

My back hurts and I need to get a good mattress but no money thanks to the increased food prices.

There is no choice but to prepare for the future and do damage control but the mistakes of the past weigh on me every day. Especially since the mistakes I made were so obvious if I took the time to think for a few minutes and wasn't such an escapist addicted manchild who thought he could hide from reality if he ignored it.

I don't think many of you know where or what is Morocco, basically it's a North african country that is at least probably the best country in Africa since it's atleast self aware of it's occurance and what's happening there but in the economic side it's in fucking shambles, Teachers getting assfucked and treated like subhumans and what's worse is that i'm in college and my only way out is to become a teacher therefore to becoming a subhuman. Ignoring that, As i said Economically it's literally going downhill as the fuel prices are way too higher than what they used to be (9 Dh[0.90$] (2019) - 14.50 Dh[1.45$] (2024)) I can't even afford money to pay for fuel to my bike so i'm fucked and even if i get money the fuel is still atleast half, And the food is also way higher than it used to be and many many items are very high, So it's basically a hellhole, but to make it more than a hellhole. The unemployement rate possibly in Morocco is unfamously known as the worst in possibly Africa since many people after College don't find any Job that fits their status quota, or even to get into McDonalds you need to fucking have friends there just to get there and get treated like a subhuman which in contrary in America McDonalds is a job that anyone can get to easily and even make fun of. And to compare the salary of a Mcdonalds worker in the US with a Teacher in Morocco, It's like comparing an Engineer with a trash collector. Because a fucking teacher in Morocco gets paid 500$ in Average meanwhile McDonalds employee gets 3k$ and still fucking whines in 4chan about his loneliness, a measely fucking 500$ imagine that shit now as something that i'm studying for my 21 years and to get treated like a subfuckinghuman and i don't even know if i'll get that job since it's very hard to get into it and i don't even know if i'll get my degree but just imagine a YouTuber getting paid 5k in one hour while a Teacher in Morocco gets paid 5k in a year.

Now in regards to the Culture, we're way too fucked as everyone is literally diverging into being a thug or a criminal, Everyone is obsessed with the rap culture and they want to be aggressive fucking faggots i hope they all get fucking nuked and get their whole intestines burned while they're alive and survive for days getting tortured by that pain and die like dogs, and in the other side about succubi, Man like me who don't belong or even have that much in Society don't exist, i don't mean it metaphorically but literally unirPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Anyone else just under constant stress/anxiety? I feel like escape is impossible. I'm even on meds and see a therapist & psychiatrist over this shit and it doesn't help.

I'm too stubborn to love myself there is no reason to. No foundation or qualities just a thing that exists. I feel there is a loving hand placed on me begging me to let it in but I can't bring myself to it. Maybe there is something about loving your lower being before accepting the higher being. But not all lower state of beings are equal for everyone. Some are ambitious and driven, others are able to take charge and intimidate. Then there are those who are subhuman. Then what is my higher self if it is not my own desired image. A subhuman who isn't angry? I want more to life than this more to my identity than just being happy, I want a sense of foundation of who I am, accomplishments, a bit of control and charisma or at least intelligent. Like Hitler, or Lenin, Karl marx, Napoleon just anything other than this mundane existence. Could care less about their political stance it's the determination that I admire. It's not the power I want it's the tools that get me the power. Then I would feel content with myself enough to accept this loving hand of grace. It knocks but I can't open. It's not that I refuse to open it it's just so foreign to just let go of a deep desire. This hand shown me how trivial it is but it doesn't mean i am still not satisfied of how I am made. What now?

Post the saddest images you have/have seen on the internet, it can be drawing or 3D

Death of the Uncool - End of the Wizards V

Watching Geekdom get absorbed into the monoculture over the last decade (and then some) has been a pretty demoralising experience.

Part of the process of commodification, streamlining and assimilation of geek culture into the all-consuming monoculture, is distortion and erasure of the original.

"These would be the successive phases of the image:

1 It is the reflection of a basic reality.

2 It masks and perverts a basic reality.

3 It masks the absence of a basic reality.

4 It bears no relation to any reality whatever: it is its own pure simulacrum.

In the first case, the image is a good appearance: the representation is of the order of sacrament. In the second, it is an evil appearance: of the order of malefice. In the third, it plays at being an appearance: it is of the order of sorcery. In the fourth, it is no longer in the order of appearance at all, but of simulation."

I'm probably using Baudrillard wrong, but I think we're either between phase 2 and 3 or on phase 3. We're at the point where we have "gamers" who don't like videogames as the faces of videogames.

I hate having human potential and desire when my brain capacity and mind isn't equipped to have a human identity or experience human things. It's too much to handle and think about when your brain and body can't keep up. Then you have this ounce of hope when a plan comes to mind to do it, but the universe finds some way to ruin it, always. Then I find my self in stupid ass situations where I think I can do it or handle it just to look like an idiot or piss someone off. Why if I'm built like an idiot can't be contempt like an idiot, why do I have this surge of self awareness and conquest why can't it be reserved for actual human beings and not subhuman swarthoid shits we call humans. It's painful. Really painful to live in this contradiction.

I have a very bad prose and poor way of writing so I will write simple sentences, "bullet points" to convey what I mean to say.
I have discovered that the 2 Cups Method truly does work. I believe in dimensional jumping, but not in reality shifting. I have calculated and meditated than under ANY religion, -even materialistic atheism- the best for me is to live 2 ,3 years at full intensity and then die.
I would be treated like a king, my rich relatives would gift me a lot of travels and stuff, my parents would give me early inheritance money. the future is super super grim, better to die happy. I want to choose a religion to devote the last of life to. If Im a great and ardent devotee + expiatory suffering and burning bad sins trough cancer\etc, I'll go to heaven and not h*.
I think my current religion (catholicism) is right, but maybe tibetan vajrayana, or Krsna Vedic path, are true.
please, give me valuable insight or advice.
>tl;dr I can give myself cancer trough magickal means. What do I do to burn family's cash on my fun + go to true religion's heaven after 2,3 years

I used to cope with patriotism, believing my country was better than the others despite being poor, at least we had some morals. But take a look at the vidrel, the vidrel is India.

There is nothing Indian about this, all I see is unabashed degeneracy, alien to Indian soil. It is then I realised, that only I care about India and Indians and not the opposite. Nobody gives a fuck apparently about the country. About the culture. About what my ancestors tried, all in vain.

It's a brutal reality, while this fair skinned Indian bitch parties, some poor, short, balding, dark skinned Indian man will clean this up. All while her body becomes a maze of Hindu Chads, Muslims, and White Tourists.

Patriotism and Nationalism is truly the cope of the man who has nothing to be proud of with himself. And desperately seeked some higher purpose in the service of motherland. All while knowing that neither the motherland, nor the citizenry gives a shit about me.

I am all alone. There is no us vs them. It's me vs everyone, me vs life. Another cope gone.

>Ahhhh India is so conservative vro
>Indian succubi are extremely oppressed by uggo pajeets vro
>India crab paradise bro
>Muh arranged marriage
Aaaacccccccckkkkkkk

Third world brokeness. First world wokeness.
BTW recommendations for other copes? I like driving. But fuel is expensive. So I am now unironically thinking crocheting like my grandma. Kek the days that are going to come by.