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 No.301013[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

Chronic physical pain, insomnia and povery, edition
Previous thread >>299661
303 posts and 53 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.302189

>>301715
What you're experiencing is a sort of realization that absolutely nothing is under your control, and trying to exert control is suffering. It's a common realization/doctrine in many spiritual and mystical texts for a reason, and 'letting go' has actually given me more peace of mind.

Upon letting go, you'll experience a sort of existential dread because your ego has stopped clinging and is beginning to die, so the real you is emerging. You really only need to endure bravely, feel and be patient.

I urge you to continue down this path. I am in this path aswell and it hasn't been easy, but it's the only path I have left to walk on. I am undergoing this journey through deep rest and non-striving.

 No.302456

>>301736
I can't believe that I'm reading the "nobody:" meme on wizardchan. It's really the end of everything. The new generations have invaded. Which if you think about it, it's totally normal, after all.
The problem is that we oldfags are still alive. Humans should die decades earlier.
It's all wrong.

 No.302457

>>301868
you wish

 No.302458

>>302456
Whiny cunt sees a non-ancient meme and thinks Wizchan is being taken over by zoomie woomies. "It's the end of this place" he laments, only contributing sage'd posts about how much he dislikes it here.

 No.302790

>>302456
>>302458
Zoomers are nearing 30 though


[Last 50 Posts]

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 No.298058[Reply]

most of us are so fucking unattractive, retarded, uneducated, unlovable, lazy/unambitious etc… that there is no point in continuing this misery.

even when some try to gaslight themselves that their loser-lifestyle can be comfy, we all deep down know that this isnt supposed to be *life*.

objectively, we're the bottom of the barrel, rock bottom essentially; we can only cope by escaping reality and isolating ourselves and anytime we encounter the real fucking world, we're deemed as fucking subhumans by others AND ourselves.

we're rotting, just wasting space, energy and oxygen while the only thing left for us is waiting to die, respectively.

i dont get how we all havent already committed suicide by now cuz our fucking trash genetics have been haunting us for our entire existence, yet we collectively and voluntarily decided to continue living. why the fuck are we so stupid???
46 posts and 7 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.302150

>>298058
I would be satisfied with my NEET lifestyle, if only I didn't have this annoying OCD and a dysfunctional family. Still suicide is simple too hard for me and I don't know what there is after.

 No.302162

>>298058
If you have to ask, then your situation might not be as bad as you think. Death is a scary thing and it's hard to go through with it unless your life is permanently ruined, which is rare.

 No.302166

>>302162
>unless your life is permanently ruined, which is rare
it's not rare, it takes one traumatic event to ruin it forever

 No.302182

I enjoy my escapism and engage in some productive activites for the sake of my mental health.
I really don't think society has any right to shit on me given how retarded and clownish it is. Not that anyone cares about my existence in the first place.

 No.302355

>>302162
/thread


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 No.300505[Reply]

have you ever been told you had no personality? I was told that when I was a kid. it hurts. one day, I asked the psychologist I was told that and if it was true, she said that's not true because some people do that just to put you down, she said. I believed her but now I'm thinking I don't have a personality and people without personality exist and she was wrong (she maybe just said that to make me happier about myself).
I noticed I was a contrarian and thats my whole personality:being contrarian. but everybody can be contrarian therefore it's not a real personality, and so I have no personality. damn it suck being a NPC (I hate that buzzword).
I'm not telling you how to get a personality because it would be fake and it will show, I don't know maybe I just want to know your reactions over this. maybe you too was told you had no personality and can relate to this post and feel like a NPC too.
23 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.300601

>>300600
hurt is fine
no need to act
just feel

thats actually super advanced that you can just feel the hurt, instead of going sigma male in response

 No.300603

>>300601
>hurt is fine
>no need to act
>just feel
What a great advice, this is how spree killers are created. If you encourage others to internalize the stress then you only end up with more broken and insane people. You feel things so that you can act on those feelings. You shouldn't bottle things up because the lid is going to blow off one day.

 No.300612

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>>300505
>N.P.C because no personality
No, it's actually the other way around. What normies call personality is a fake persona, a facade built on T.V, Netflix and Youtube. Their "personality" means having your mind set on things and having internalized ideas regardless of whether they're true or not. They just imitate what seems cool to them. Normies with "personality" are literally actors playing a role, but in real life.

Having "no personality" means that you have an open mind, are willing to give ideas a thought, instead of processing them through preconceptions and prejudices. You are the real player because you are not bound by your role. You choose the dialogue options, they can only respond in accordance with their personality.

The downside is that people will see you as indecisive because they're used to getting quick, machine-gun responses. Waiting in silence to let you think is something inconceivable to them because they themselves rarely actually think before responding. They rely on the response just appearing in their head, like a reaction triggered by a stimulus. Input - reaction - output. That's why they give you the fluoride stare if you take a moment to think about what they said.

 No.300622

>>300603
you cannot consciously bottle things up. things get bottled up when we run away, escape, and numb our mind.
if we show up to our feelings, sensing them, we are not bottling things up.

action itself is not virtuous.
specific actions can be very useful, and may either be INFORMED by feelings, or done in DIRECT MECHANICAL REACTION to the feelings.

the latter is perpetuates suffering.
the former is done from a place of freedom and spaciousness.

 No.302167

>>300505
you use wizardchat instead of a mainstream succial media.

A piece of personality - check


 No.300437[Reply]

I've left this place for the last couple of years. But I'm returning back. I need advice and you're the people with more knowledge about this. One of my parents suddenly became sick with cancer, likely will turn terminal soon. I'm finally past 30. I left this place because I felt that I matured, being here reminded me too much of my younger self.

I'm a psychiatric patient, an addict, parents abused and neglected me, you know the details already. My plan was to live with parents until I finish paying an education debt, which is in December. I've lived mostly by myself through my 20s.

What would you do in my scenario? I don't want to be near parents. How have you dealt with this? Just being 20 seconds around my father, I want to blow my head off with a sawed-off shotgun. The screams, the tantrums, the stupid noises, the smell, the words. My mother is barely more tolerable.

NOTE: this is third-world, forget about government or family helping me.
11 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.301420

OP here. Wow, this was around 40 days ago. I got fired for asking for a better salary. I relapsed but I'm quitting tomorrow. I've relapsed but not every single day, most days though. I'm trying not to make things worse. Mom's cancer is better than expected right now, the future is uncertain. She already had her surgery. I was/am deeply hurt by my employer's response, I was a good and dedicated worker. I brought in results, I always met deadlines, in advance more than half the time.

I've been very depressed and more suicidal than usual. But I've always beaten despair, I've stoop up from being down again and again. I'm a survivor. I'm resilient. I'm like a phoenix. I won't give up. I regret my short relapse though.

 No.301421

>>301420
hope youll find another job to help mom!

 No.301742

I'm not gonna pretend to be someone experienced with that a lot. I would say just do what you think seems right. It's probably worth spending some time with family member if their time is limited but don't force yourself too hard. Try to make peace where you can.

 No.301743

>>300437
You have my sympathies. While my own situation is far from as bad as yours, my father is an alcoholic who I'm pretty estranged to at this point. I still talk to him weekly and sometimes visit him or help him mow his lawn because he is disabled. We get along well enough generally but I don't really feel much of an attachment to him. I guess it's just a faint sadness that he keeps deteriorating physically. Sometimes I wonder how I would react if he were to become terminally ill or something like that. I guess what makes me stay in contact with him is a sort of sense of responsibility as his son and because I would probably feel worse if I just let him rot because he is fairly socially isolated otherwise. Which is to say - do whatever you can best live with. You are likely to feel guilt either way, doomed if you do, doomed if you don't. So your best shot is to take the course that will minimize your own guilt. Best of luck.

 No.302161

>>301420
>OP here. Wow, this was around 40 days ago. I got fired for asking for a better salary. I relapsed but I'm quitting tomorrow

eh?

Relapsed..
ah. I get it.


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 No.299368[Reply]

How do you guys deal with fatigue, if at all. Some days are better but just when you think you're beginning to get a grip again you just wake up and know exactly that you landed back at the bottom of the hole again. Everything is a herculean effort, even typing this out my eye lids are heavy despite being only late afternoon and me having slept for at least 8h last night. No matter what steps I take, sleeping properly, eating better, hell I even started doing some basic exercise every day to get the blood flowing a bit. None of it matters. All of this hard work and it's completely meaningless because I can't seem to get better in a consistent way that matters.
Yet I have to work to live and try my best to finally finish my degree, hopefully before I'm 30 or my university kicks me out. On days like this it's like I've lost 50IQ points and I'm barely functional. I have to keep my living space in a state of acceptable cleanliness. Do any of you guys have any tips on how to make it more bearable?
24 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.302036

>>301998
>it sickens me, go back to reddit !
Apologies.
Oh silly me for I have forgotten depression can be cause by several various things

SCH, brain damage from physical damage, exposire to neurotoxins, exposire to heavy metals, various stuff have "depression" listed as one of the symptoms.


still, my point stands: in my case, my /dep/ zone appears to be the result of my mother not feeding me the right food.

 No.302142

pains in my arms and legs, brainfog and trouble thinking clealy, nightmares. doctors are useless unless you want to get fucked up on pills. think about suicide everyday

 No.302143

I read somewhere that it's just best to go with it yet not get too lazy.
There's a saying that has both a good and a bad meaning: a rolling stone gathers no moss.
Good because you're open minded and dont want to be one with nature (hence why you're rolling).
Bad because, in some cultures, moss is a sign of substanance and belonging with said nature (which you cant gather because tbe rolling wont let you settle down).
But it's all subjective in the end.
(As in I can feel bipolar irritants preparing their "contradictions" like they always do -_-)..

 No.302145

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i was having a monster and a few cans of other soft drinks daily. i noticed when i get caffeine from these drinks they wake me up for about 10 minutes if only and then i crash. this didnt used to happen years ago, but i was also never quite this depressed. im gonna try quitting caffeine to see if things change but i doubt it.

ultimately its this: my life sucks and i feel shit, so im tired and cant do shit. i know what the source of my misery is but i cant solve it, ive been feeling this way on and off for 14 years, so basically over half my life, in that way its more me than me. who is me if not the constant self-destructive thoughts and general malaise thats defined my little free trial existence? maybe i should meditate and keep a gratitude journal X)

the only answer i can seem to come up with is i need to force myself to do something which might actually be good for me in a more real sense than just vague "this would be good" or "i should do this" but i dont know what. everything seems so pointless, even when i know doing anything is objectively less pointless than sitting around being miserable. it doesnt matter. the grief i feel about my life and situation is too hard for me to operate above. anyway my eyes are getting heavy again so im done. enjoy this waste of text.

 No.302146

>>302145

>i was having a monster and a few cans of other soft drinks daily. i noticed when i get caffeine from these drinks they wake me up for about 10 minutes if only and then i crash. this didnt used to happen years ago, but i was also never quite this depressed


Relateable! Used to be the same for me, say, 3 years ago.

By the way… Quitting coffee at once, "cold turkey", is a bit risky, you may get a headache and such.


Taking 3-4 days of vacation to crash on a sofa, maybe watching funny cartoons from yer childhood without thinking, why they arent funny now…


….you your energy supply will improve


also
buy more real meat (liver also counts) to resupply your body's "unreplaceable" aminoacids reserves

also
Post too long. Click here to view the full text.


 No.299408[Reply]

I've heard a lot about "fear of missing out"/"fomo". But I have a different kind of fear that doesn't really make sense in my mind: a fear of keeping up with things, or, a fear of catching up.

For example: Many years ago I played internet mahjong a lot. But eventually I stopped playing for a few months. Now, any time I consider playing again, I get paralyzed by this irrational fear. I think things like "it's too late for me to get back into this". And, of course, the fact that this fear stops me from catching back up only makes this fear grow larger and larger.

I once had a small youtube channel but it has been so many years since I uploaded anything, I feel like "it's too late for this, I missed the boat, what's done is done".

I know this fear is irrational but I still am held back it.
Does anyone relate to this fear AT ALL?
I am bad at describing this so this might not make any sense at all.
5 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.301755

hmmmmmm


thats may be why i never buttcoined in 2012 or 2013 or 2014


(jk i was stripped of money)

 No.301793

please kill me please kill me please kill me

 No.302114

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>>299412
oh look, you have built a bridge between "can't have my pleasure hormones, no fuel" and "can't have my pleasure hormones, no neural signals" theories in one

 No.302115

>>302114
*in one go

 No.302122

>>299408
I have this problem too. It's probably because I have low self esteem which leads me to get discouraged and give up easily.


 No.298200[Reply]

The process of birth is an humilliation ritual.
The process of growing up is an humilliation ritual.
The process of death is an humilliation ritual.
Through all these process the individual is humilliated, his spirit shattered into pieces. At the end there's nothing but an empty shell. We're born alone and we die alone and the universe is constantly teasing and humilliating us. The human experience is that of pain and suffering. Births are painful, deaths are painful. Demoralized, disenfranchised, humilliated, broken. Our lives are misserable and only the sweet release of the endless void could save our soul from the torment of existence. I loath humanity just as much as I loath myself and my own existence. Afraid to live and afraid to die. Pathetic husk rotten inside.
6 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.300214

>>298200
At least I can cling to the tiny consolation of knowing I was spared the grips of the ultimate Western humiliation ritual; circumcision.

 No.300425

>>298247
I can't comprehend how a person with healthy family relationship, who can rely on his parents, and his parents can rely on him, and they all have a strong bond of friendship and support eachother, would refuse to make a child. A child which would make his life more safe, pleasant and comforting because he knows that when his time comes, his child will take care of him.
If you're a literally homeless or nearly homeless, feel hopeless, depressed and without any way to improve your life then sure, I get why you don't want children.
Life has it's ups and downs, but children are there to help us make more happy moments, not bad ones. Or am I wrong?

 No.300426

>>300425
>his child will take care of him.
That is an immoral, selfish assumption and burden to place on an independent human. The child must be free to do as be pleases.

Secondly, barely anybody has the social and financial resources you are assuming. Children are extremely expensive in terms of both time and finances. Even if you're a multi-millionaire they will be significant sacrifices to be made.
Personally i hate children so it would not improve my life. To me they are fucking unbearable, loud, dirty, ugly, annoying.

 No.302112

>>300425
oh look

acephobia XD

 No.302113

I blame right-wing politicians for all my suffering and pain, they prohibit drugs and assisted dying


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 No.300761[Reply]

suicide is the best thing you can do in your life. you can never go wrong by doing it. the only reason people won't do it (besides obvious reasons like instinct of self-preservation and fear of unknown) is because they think there is something good ahead in their life and you just have to wait a little. and so our life is wasting like this, eternally awaiting while going through phases of misery and humiliation over and over again until you're dead from "natural" cause.
29 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.301996

What do you think about running and smashing your head in the wall? I just tried it sitting and kinda hurt and I saw a bright flash. I don't even care about being a vegetable or whatever

 No.302000

>>301996
Being a vegetable seems better than this because it would take responsibility for my life off me which I can't handle anyway.
I want to write in my will for my family to throw my corpse into the tracsh

 No.302002

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>>301996
>What do you think about running and smashing your head in the wall?

 No.302009

I relate to all of these posts a lot.

Only child,
Mediocre parents,
No friends in high school,
No gf,
No job,
Interests nobody gives a shit about,
etc,

I've decided to go to college 10 hours away from home to try to restart my life. Have any of you guys tried any thing similar?

 No.302097

>>300761
I like to think about it as a form of control. If I manage to have the means to end it all quickly if something very bad happens, like:
>get broke and unemployed
>contract severe illness that will make me suffer for years, like cancer or some degenerative disease
I would be way more satisfied and secure about my life.

I mean, being a reclusive PC potato will only get you so far. You will become seriously ill eventually. Your brain won't just stop working and *poof* you're dead. Now a shotgun can do exactly that. So that's my number one thing to buy, but it's difficult to find in my country. I don't trust "painless" ways to commit seppuku.


 No.297753[Reply]

How do you guys fight anhedonia? Do you have any experience with it?
I basically don't feel pleasure from anything except food, maybe. Stories, games, art don't really touch me at all and it sucks because I remember how much I loved escapism before and how it brought excitement, joy, sadness etc. Now it's all blank. I want to bring emotions back, want to bring excitement, joy, even sweet sadness would do honestly, I miss being profoundly sad.

Have any of you managed to revert to your older non-anhedonic self?
32 posts and 3 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.301967

>>298689
idk


afaik, a prisoner works though (oh wait, that's penal colony)

 No.301975

>>297753
I find that missing a night of sleep helps anhedonia. NO fucking clue why. and it doesn't keep working (missing two nights of sleep in a row doesn't continue it). Wouldn't recommend doing it a lot.

Some drugs help but they always stop working once you build tolerance and then they never work well again I find

Other than i don't know. setting goals doesn't help in fact I would recommend against forcing yourself to do stuff you don't find enjoyable. It's like how trying to force yourself to sleep actually makes insomnia worse. You just end up associating frustration with the activity you want to do.

Life with anhedonai feels pointless. No pleasure, no point? Like why do anything. I just end up doing nothing

 No.302012

>>297753
I have found out eating 5-htp sometimes + consuming tyrosine-rich foods (kasha, bananas) helps me.


Context: seronotin is made of 5-htp in body

dopamine is made of

 No.302015

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>>297753
Amphetamines and cold showers

 No.302030

>>302012
>>302012
>dopamine is made of
tyrosine


also, I asked PerPLX AI to rework my text in "Crowdon Londoner" style:
Bruv, you know there’s bare tyrosine in bananas and buckwheat, innit? And listen — buckwheat porridge, slap a bit o’ gravy on, that hits different. Proper jokes though, ‘cause it’s like the stuff don’t even wanna be porridge in the first place!


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 No.299167[Reply]

It seems I have no other choice, unfortunately. Because of the lack of jobs where I live and my family now turning my life into hell because they openly despise me, I can't see any other way but to join the army and do at least one year of military service, given that it's the only job that practically always is open for literally anyone, and to get in you just have to want it.
I'm not even "patriotic" nor anything, I just want to leave my parents house and survive, also no, my country is thankfully not at war. Do we have any other wizards who are also considering joining the army?
34 posts and 3 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.300202

Planning on joining the USMC, same reason as you. Only difference is I don't think I'm smart enough to do anything else except be a grunt. I'd rather do it over Army Infantry because atleast I'd probably get deployed.

 No.300491

Entire military is a bunch of entitled wellfare kings

 No.301829

>>299901
It was the shittiest time of my life. I think if you’re on this website you’re not gonna fit in at all. If you’re going homeless or something it might be worth it but I dunno. I’m a nutcase after going through the navy.

 No.302028

>>299171

>Damn, im not OP but I alwasy wondered what the fuck goes through the head of people saying "they will take anyone in the army!" yeah and then theres people like you and probably me as well. I am not saying this with the intent of ofending you, since I included myself in that. Its just that I find it weird how some people can go through life, not be diagnosed as openly cognitively impaired, and yet still fail at a job where supposedly literally anyone can succeed.

>I know Id be kicked out from the army too

I think I would be just the guy to be "accused of SOMETHING SOMETHING" to due the part where I just can't think the way a regular normal dude from El Armpito does - which would lead to a) not understandig "normal" slang words; b) sticking out "like a sore thumb" due to my "smartassery", "smartypants" behaviour and c) "trying to look better than I am" complex" /wiz/ tier behaviour.


also d) not being able to laugh at jokes and pranks

 No.302360

>joining the army
I so much want to kill everyone who posts this crap in all kind of sites


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