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 No.309140[Reply]

i also noticed this in other areas of life even family events people tend to target me for wrongdoings but others do similar things and they face no repercussions.A good example of this is in middle school. I was pretty
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shy but sometimes did things that made kids laugh. what i began to
notice was sometimes id cross the line.whether it was being repetitive with a joke or something kids would get mad. There was a kid, Cam who was new to the school.He had good looks was good at basketball and was probably fucking horrible grades (assuming he got help from others which i saw a lot). after awhile i didnt do that well at getting other kids attention so id start to do annoying things to get some type of reaction.i would get in trouble or get told off by peers when i did these things. when cameron did them he faced little to no pushback or accountability. he also was i guess really close with a female teacher we had and i saw her let him off the hook for things i would be sent off for thousands of fucking times. i cant stand this shit seeing it almost daily it makes me so fucking tired of these sheep retards who let him do things i cant just because im not as good looking or good at some silly sport.
8 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.309177


>>309176 that’s crazy 33 is nutz i’m 19.

 No.309178

I ate shit in the school parking lot and a group of succubi laughed at me, i still haven't recovered

 No.309179

>>309177
Pack it up unc, shouldn't you be at work

 No.309187

>>309178 i envy you

 No.309193

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>>309178
Shit's fetish fuel for some.
Maybe you are the reason one of them weren't dating chads because your stunt has provided her enough fetish fuel to stick to finding a c&a fella to feed stinky fish at evening dinners

Sorry if that sounds un-wize. I just think it can be healing to think personal actions may turn a succubi into a … neutral "self-sufficient" witch-like entity


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 No.309015[Reply]

I fucking hate being like that but that's my only defensive mechanism against others. I'm sure I don't even have a real personality because self-victimization is the only way how I react and act.
Also self-pity
we're the worst type of person someone can meet. it's on paar with manipulative personalities
I am weak,
6 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.309028

I don't understand where this desire to be seen as a victim comes from.

 No.309029

>>309028
there is no desire. society judges your complaints as either valid or not. you are not a victim if you're a wizard. you are a victim if you're brown or female. that's all.

 No.309030

>>309028
it's a self-defense mechanism. by self-victimize yourself, you're telling someone you are weak and not worth being the targets of bad things they want to do to you. it also comes from fear

 No.309034

>>309015
It's "honest" (in brackets).
You can say to someone who doesn't mean to bully you it hurts already hoping civilized people to back off before some kind of a treatening to sue over moral damages arises. Soyboys are especially good at that.

Unfortunately, it does not *deter* bullies. If you are some kind of manipulator who collects evidence for possible lawsuits, you're golden, and so is your lawyer. If you're honestly asking to leave you alone with this victimization of yourself, you're in the wrong… spot.

 No.309056

>>309030
>>309029
self-victimisation is nonsense


 No.297753[Reply]

How do you guys fight anhedonia? Do you have any experience with it?
I basically don't feel pleasure from anything except food, maybe. Stories, games, art don't really touch me at all and it sucks because I remember how much I loved escapism before and how it brought excitement, joy, sadness etc. Now it's all blank. I want to bring emotions back, want to bring excitement, joy, even sweet sadness would do honestly, I miss being profoundly sad.

Have any of you managed to revert to your older non-anhedonic self?
40 posts and 5 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.305617

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>>297753
>How do you guys fight anhedonia?
Have you tried nicotine?

 No.307413

I fight anhedonia with high ABV beer. But I only get drunk on Friday evening. I'm sober the rest of the time.

When I'm drunk (not wasted), I enjoy playing videogames, I enjoy music.

 No.307442

>>301975
>Life with anhedonai feels pointless. No pleasure, no point? Like why do anything. I just end up doing nothing

This.

 No.307449

>>305617
I tried it. It kinda works, but the nicotine burnout was unpleasant and accidently overdosing on velo pouches is worse than any hangover i've ever had

 No.309001

>>297753
Intense exercise in the heat followed ice baths/having icy water thrown on you. It is hard and sometimes I just want to stop because stand up grappling can be temporary hell.

Muay Thai in the heat is fucking fixing me right now. I am not great but endorphins/dopamine/fat loss/muscle mass increase and self esteem from getting better is the only thing so far that has improved my brain so much. Feel myself enjoying music so much more. Just sparring to the beat they play in the gym. Makes me want to shadow box all the time because I just want to get back to the gym.
My biggest regret is not doing this like mad when I was a teenager. Instead I waited until 31.


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 No.308918[Reply]

How to get over the fact that you can't freely decide over your own body? Like I always wanted to own a gun because I could decide to shoot myself with it but I don't know how to buy or use it.

Being so powerless in front of the events is utterly disgusting and I don't know how to cope.
4 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.308929

>>308925
Darn I wish I had a gun to shoot myself with.

 No.308977

Are you sure it isn't just survival instinct? I tried to hang myself in january but backed out at the last moment.

 No.308979

>>308977
there are better methods than hanging so no reason to do it that way unless you're in a hurry, the risk of not doing it properly and suffering a slow and painful death or surviving with brain damage is too high

 No.308993

>>308979
still better than overdosing or jumping

 No.308998

I remember seeing that on family guy, the talking dog speaking about having a gun as last resort which gave him comfort. First time I've ever truly agreed with something that's a little taboo. If I had a sure and quick way to die if things ever got too much I'd live a little more carefree. A goodnight switch is how I like to call it. Sure I could just jump off a tall building, but that's really hard to overcome the instinct, and also the natural fear of heights. I've looked down a stairwell that was 18 floors high and I hated the visual and sensation it gave me.


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 No.307294[Reply]

always no matter what happens set backs always set me back. and my goals arent that fucking unreasonable either. Change my habits, or enjoy a fucking game. and something major happens to set me back. not only am I scared to change im exausted about constantly being worried about what price im about to pay for that slight moment of enjoyment. its like the default setting for me in this life is to be miserable and useless, anything good going for me has to be double the price of bad luck to throw me back to square one. Nothing but bad luck. im just so frustrated.
11 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.308743

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>>307294
Wish I had real goals too.
I relate a lot to the randomness, feeling like I'm an edge case a lot of times.

I genuinely feel like I'm an NPC in a game world at times with broken RNG. It's usually something negative, absurdly unlucky and it stacks up to "unrealistic" stories people think I make up.

Like telling a doctors about having physical pains, limping and this whole thing somehow leading me to a psych ward before they ever bother to acknowledge the physical deformity/damage, only after paying for imaging out of pocket do they finally believe me, and EVEN AFTER THAT they still push the mental shit instead every time some new shit pops up. This is basically every doctor I've met in recent memory for no discernible reason. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLrnkK2YEcE

It happens in positive ways too. Like I'm on the brink of exiting life and all of a sudden I'm given a job far beyond my abilities and tolerated for years despite my many shortcomings and failures in a comfy position that I couldn't ever imagine replicating.

Critical failures absurdly disproportionate to whatever was the cause was and miraculous outcomes and rewards/results disproportionate to the effort put in.
Overall it's negative, but then great things happen just in time to keep me going….
Needless to say I've been embracing determinism as a result, but the absurdity of the experience makes it hard to believe it is strictly determined and not some random outsider having a grand old time messing with me like I used to with insects in a sandbox as a kid.

Makes me wonder how real most people are, or if I'm actually clinically insane and they just hear other words come out of my mouth than I attempt to say.
Then again sometimes the weird unprompted absurdly unrelated NPC like rants from people can be interrupted and somehow they snap back to sanity and give way to what I want. It's very odd.
Wish I was as coherent as some wizards here instead of rambling, but I hope the message is clear enough.

 No.308745

>>308057
okay

 No.308747

>>308743
>Makes me wonder how real most people are, or if I'm actually clinically insane

Most are not real. Covid should have proved this to you. And what do I mean by “real”? Having intelligence enough to think independently of others.
And you are not clinically insane. No man authentically mad would ever be discovered self-aware of his own madness.

>I genuinely feel like I'm an NPC in a game world at times with broken RNG.

You’re just smart and very self-aware in a world in which apparently nearly all are not. Any sufficiently caring and self-reflective human will fall into the belief that he’s beset by soulless people wandering through outwardly random environments as an isolated observer. The ancient gnostics even had a term for this and that term is ἀλλογενής, meaning literally “of a different kind”, but translated as “stranger”. Those who have thoughts like those contained in your post really are ἀλλογεναι (strangers) in a difficult world that is not native to the quality of their souls.

>This is basically every doctor I've met in recent memory for no discernible reason.

I can fairly say: me too! Except I disagree with >for no discernible reason. The reason is quite plain: doctors are indoctrinated; not only “intellectually”, that is in how they understand and treat diseases, but also “personally”, in how they hold the most of their patients in contempt as less than themselves. Doctors (95% of the time) are dangerous prideful psychopaths who look down on their patients while having very little actual curative medical knowledge. You should have known this by your age (presuming here that you are 30+). If I can flatter myself, I already knew to be careful around doctors (that they do not make good decisions and are often uncaring toward sufferers) by the time I was in my early 20s.

>Critical failures absurdly disproportionate to whatever was the cause was and miraculous outcomes and rewards/results disproportionate to the effort put in.

Here’s an interesting passage out of Plutarch from an essay titled “De Pythiae oraculis (On the oracles of Pythia)”, the subject whereof is the investigation of the truthfulness of the responses given to ancient men who would sue for tPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

 No.308968

>>308747
>the fact that we have free will cannot be reconciled to the notion of a limiting malicious demiurge.
From our perspective/perception and even then only within an extremely limited scope all things considered.
An ant in a terrarium has free will to an extent.

 No.308985

>>308968
>An ant in a terrarium

well that's probably what we are, being that space is fake and we're under water.


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 No.308871[Reply]

Hello all. Normally, I considered /dep/ to be the saddest board on the Internet. Today I realized I was wrong.

I realized I was wrong when looking up Huntington's Disease videos on Youtube. Huntington's Disease is a genetic, degenerative neurological disorder that attacks motor control functions, leaving victims unable to control their own muscles and confining them to a lifetime of tranquilizers that paralyze them. Or, the disease attacks their brain and turns them into a completely thoughtless carrot.

There is no cure and scientists can only understand the disease by progressively dissecting victims' brains, in almost exactly the way the evil doctor from day of the dead does it. And actually, the description of zombieism from the day of the dead is very similar to Huntingon's Disease.
8 posts and 3 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.308912

>>308893
My mother was carrier of an extremely rare genetic disease that makes you disabled since day 1 and life expectancy is 16-18 years, chance of inheriting it was also 50% and she still decided to have me because yolo. I'm convinced I would've been better off with the disease knowing what my life would've been, I'm still genetic trash but I have to endure it for many many years because survival instincts, humanity is the worst virus of them all.

 No.308914

>>308893
This is how I feel about ageing mothers, that is, the vast majority of wizchan posters. My mom was 41, fucking demonic cunt

 No.308941

>>308914
Never thought about the number, my mother was 37 when she had me. I always found it strange in elementary school how my parents were the only ones who looked old. Grey hairs, wrinkles, all that. Meanwhile the other students parents looked like older siblings.

 No.308943

From that description sounds like my mother has something very similar but minor. She's losing muscle function, but largely due to her lifestyle of eating like 10~20k calories a day and laying down 24/7. Mentally fried as she's on a cup full of pils every day and night, if she even misses one she will freak out and try run outside naked because the men in black suits are trying to kill me. Someone like her wasn't made for life, just a defected product sadly

 No.308978

yeah I can see how certain countries have legalised euthanasia


 No.308794[Reply]

It kinda sucks knowing that people hate you, wherever i go i am met with this endless negativity that i am just supposed to ignore. Even when i try to be friendly and polite i still somehow find a way to fuck up and make people hate my guts. I am sick of it to be honest, sick of fuckinh everything. God hates me and i hate him back, because why wouldnt i?
11 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.308954

>>308944
It's a supermarket and the succubi I'm referencing are highschoolers/uni students and 25~50 y/o succubi. Older succubi are fine I've noticed. They're probably just happy to be dealing with a White man lol.

>>308945
Oh for sure they can sense it. Shouldn't I be less of a threat than a literal psycho criminal though? It's not like these criminals are handsome or sociable either, they are weirder than I am but they still get better treatment than me. It's so weird.

>>308949
I like the idea of a normie camouflage. I also agree not changing for their approval but I do want to be written off the hit list. I just don't want to be attacked and harassed and I'm willing to make certain changes to ensure that. All within reason. I remember in my 20s when I had to walk everywhere I had to act a little off putting around the ghetto types to get them to leave me alone. I'd scratch myself a lot, sniff loudly, and scream every 2 minutes or so lol. They wrote me off as not worth interacting with. If I acted "normal" it's just constants bombardments of "got a dollar bro?" or other variants.

 No.308961

>>308949
Normies thinking that you are harmless is the best excuse you can give them to harass you, if there's an inbred somalian dancing naked on the subway no one will open his mouth but if a short white guy doesn't want to give his seat to a succubus they'll verbally murder you.

 No.308969

>>308961
Normies are some of the most narcissistic, hypocritical, and cowardly individuals ever to walk the earth. They radiate nothing but contempt for every living being around them except themselves. It makes me physically sick being around them and I have no problem rejecting whatever hypocritical sob story they have to say to get their way. I feel approximately 0 remorse when I see them get murdered in gore sites. Infact its emotionally fulfilling.

 No.308973

>>308969
The poster above is correct, neurotypicals only listen to force and size. The worst thing you can do among them is to present as harmless and timid. They will abuse and ruin you to oblivion especially in the United States.

What you need to do as a wizard is what I did which is ordering trenbolone and testosterone propionate and hit the gym.
Then if people give you shit or push you around you push them back or tell them to fuck off in public.

You can't make them back off and feel humiliated if you're small and polite. As a social self defense tool you need to have the OPTION of credibly telling a narcissistic normie to fuck off under the threat of violence.

That doesn't mean you can't be civil, reasonable and kind when that's your baseline personality. You just need to have size and a yolo attitude in your tool arsenal if shit hits the fan.
The odds of shit hitting the fan decrease radically either way when narcissistic normies no longer see you as an easy target. They begrudgingly skip you.

 No.308976

>>308973
>That doesn't mean you can't be civil, reasonable and kind when that's your baseline personality. You just need to have size and a yolo attitude in your tool arsenal if shit hits the fan.
So essentially Teddy Roosevelt's philosophy of "speak softly and carry a big stick", but at an interpersonal level?


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 No.306726[Reply]

I have a horrible mother who criticises me just as much when I do something good as when I do something wrong. I remember having a lot of traumatic experiences with her, and even today she’s still the same. For example, I started being more hygienic and washing my hands before eating, and she started using that habit as a weapon against me. She also criticises me for not going out with my ‘friends’, but when I do leave the house, she keeps insulting me Any advice on how to get free from her? makes me unhappy
14 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.308447

>>306783
>but I can go and live with my dad because my parents are divorced


Good for you, because my father was shouting very loudly and threatingly on me when I tried that option…

 No.308459

>>306783
>>306783
Move with dad

 No.308486

mine used to love me
maybe she still does deep down
but our relationship is irreparably damaged beyond hope

she doesn't insult me or make mean comments
we mostly just don't talk beyond the necessary, or see each other much despite living together

 No.308910

>>308459
This

Also, make sure to be at ease at first (to avoid the mistake I had made)

 No.308972

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>>306726
>she started using that habit as a weapon against me
How? Does she just come up next to you and say something like "haha anon, washing your hands? only fags do that!"?
>Any advice on how to get free from her?
Has your mother always been like this, op? Do you think talking with her could work?


 No.307994[Reply]

The day of Armageddon has inched towards me in just 2 hours. I completed a worthless degree in IT, by completed, I mean gave the final exams of the final semester just 2 hours ago, and I returned home, which is in a third world country. And the results are as I expected, as a matter of fact, when I came back I could literally feel the tension inside my house mounting.

I was expecting one day or another, for this to happen but it's surreal how quickly it has happened, my parents had a massively heated argument with me, and honestly, it took me a few years back when my parents used to abuse the hell out of me, I can for some reason, literally feel the terror of abuse in the lower half of my spine and in my kidneys.

The question is obvious, which is what will I do next? Because I am about to graduate completely unemployed, in this little third world country, and of course the parents aren't happy, as it is in the nature of everyone maybe mine as well to be pissed seeing a man wake up at 9AM and ask for breakfast, and take it back to the Air Conditioned room, the resentment is off the charts for obvious reason of what my parents would consider "stealing" from them because I am not paying back in any meaningful labour, seems like I will have to wake up at 6AM in the morning tomorrow and not use Air Conditioner at all.

It was honestly, a massive argument, I just few hours ago got back to my house from a scorching 42C temperature and now I am being cooked internally. At this point, I have started to prepare for the worst, any day in "my" house could be my last, I am trying to gather all the IDs, gather all the documents for eventual kick, and a kick in a country like this is extremely close to death. Certainly slightly different from other countries where you can live in your car, given that in this country the car ownership rate is 8%. So there goes living in a Honda Fit out of the Window.

I must get a job, I have tried getting a job online, from microtasks, to annotation for OneForma, to trying to act like an agent for PornStars online, to chat on their behalf, and I have earned no more and no less than 0 in any currency of this planet. The jig is coming to an end. While I am not familiar with the thoughts of life in the Christian Theology because I wasn't born in a Christian Family, but my Judgement, rather Execution is near. Fuck me. There is very real chance that I will have to take a permanent dip into a Holy River. I meaPost too long. Click here to view the full text.
29 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.308126

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>>308125
>This is where I will disagree with you, Britain, as much as I respect the country and it's people, they are not the kind of country to give away a single sterling in charity.

You could be correct on this part. I have read a little on the British Raj but not too much, and most of the sources I have are right wing Austrian economics perspectives and /pol/tard chuddery. The idea mainly being the opportunity cost for the British and that the money spent on colonialism could've been invested elsewhere and generated a similar or better return. Although for what it's worth I think colonialism in India was a massive mistake either way, and I wish the British were never involved there.

But even many of the academics that are critical of the marxist claims that colonial Europe looted the third world carve out a slight exception for India. Many of the more mainstream books I've read on the 19th century second wave of European colonialism talk about how India was strangely an exception to the moneysink thesis. The book "Oxford University's Short History of the 19th century" (pic related) had an assortment of academics all saying "yeah the British Raj was profitable, a few east indies territories were profitable, the rest really weren't". Africa absolutely was a moneysink and there's so many cabinet meetings government officials in Germany and France held talking about it. The German government wanted their own version of the East India company for Africa, so they could offload the colonies onto them, but no private investor was willing to get involved.

>Damn, that surprises me a lot, I know a few of them, and almost all of them detest India.

I can't mindread but I guess they just have a diaspora identity and feel they don't belong. Maybe it's their way of pushing back against or coping with the increasing racism and they don't really believe it? And I don't know man, people genuinely get along better than you read online. I'm an older guy that went to school when there was just one token pakistani guy and one token sikh succubus, and now it's like 15% of my city is indian. If there's a group of four or five teens doing something after school downtown, it's common for an indian to be in the group. The online talk about it only being succubi and the men being sexless virPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

 No.308127

>>308126
>What do I know though, I'm a sexless virgin myself just judging friendship groups I see on the street. But yeah, it doesn't really impact you where you are.
I there's one thing that unites wizards here, I only used to read about relationships when I used to be an angry and rageful person back then who just discovered blackpill and terms like involuntary celibate but at this point, I think most of us are trying to accept or working towards living with our fate. Hopefully, though I hope Indians don't cause you much trouble but hey, I have lived in India since birth I know how truly horrendous the people from this country are, and I guess it was a mistake for Western Countries to accept so many immigrants from India, although still baffles me cause I thought it was very hard to immigrate.
>Anyways, thanks for replying to my excessive rambling. I hope things work out for you man.
No problem wiz-bro, if anything I quite enjoyed talking to you whether we saw eye to eye or not on things, but I am you know typical loner with no friends, no internet friends so it's always so nice to talk to you and other wizards like you on this forum, unless of course normies and co will try to shut this place down as well.

 No.308948

Fast fact.
There is "industrial grade equipment" that has its electronic components to be programmed. I don't know if you can code in UART or Ladder or have experience making flowcharts as part of visual programming, but here's the thing. Look for industrial stuff to programm. No StackOverflow, no neuroslop, it's supposed to behave flawlessly so they aren't going to let LLMs in *that* easy.

That's where your real degree in computers - once combined with your wizardry - comes in handy: you get trusted with "real" equipment and not some CSS/PHP/Java/'script let alone the non-language. Besides, industrial shit isnt prone to massive anti-hacker updates, unlike, say, Chrome.


Cheers and take it easy.

 No.308970

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>>308948
Thank you, wizard-brother I will try low level machine logic. I have to say I have had no luck so far and each passing day, the behaviour of my parents get worse and worse. I also have to say that (really much to my surprise) people here have been very helpful to me. They have all tried giving me a lot of advices and opportunities and I am grateful for that. Perhaps either through my fault or through universe's will, I just can't even manage to earn 1USD/hr. Its kind of funny how people make fun of this website as a toxic place on the internet. I am genuinely thankful and grateful to you guys for helping me out.

 No.308971

you could try learning a new language and see if that takes you somewhere, you might also want to look for unskilled job in a developed nation and then try to get something as a programmer once you're there. Japan has the Specified Skill Worker program for poor Asian countries, you could take one of their exams in India to get hired, I've heard the working conditions aren't great though but definitely better than anything you might get in your country.


 No.307554[Reply]

another day another computer broken, no matter how hard i try i cant stop my explosive anger issues. im tired of how angry I get, it keeps me from enjoying things in life and forces me to avoid things I should enjoy. once the dust settles in, guilt crawls onto me. the cycle never stops. for the life of me I want this anger to stop, it keeps sabotaging things i enjoy.
11 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.308936

you will need to hate it, and hate it for many years before you can really stop. a good reality check is often helpful too. I won't go into much detail but I had similar issues as you are describing, I narrowly dodged a 10 year prison sentence and every since I've been a lot better, not perfect, not even good just a lot better

 No.308938

I like the adrenaline boost when I get angry

 No.308946

>>307554
OP *probably* could use a punching mannequin to beat / 2practice_fighting_skillz@get_exhausted@relax_a_bit

 No.308947

>>307554
What triggers your anger? There has to be a cause.

 No.308959

>>308947
unoptimized jerk off schedule


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