/dep/ - Depression

I want to shoot myself in the head with a gun on a crowded street

most of us are so fucking unattractive, retarded, uneducated, unlovable, lazy/unambitious etc… that there is no point in continuing this misery.

even when some try to gaslight themselves that their loser-lifestyle can be comfy, we all deep down know that this isnt supposed to be *life*.

objectively, we're the bottom of the barrel, rock bottom essentially; we can only cope by escaping reality and isolating ourselves and anytime we encounter the real fucking world, we're deemed as fucking subhumans by others AND ourselves.

we're rotting, just wasting space, energy and oxygen while the only thing left for us is waiting to die, respectively.

i dont get how we all havent already committed suicide by now cuz our fucking trash genetics have been haunting us for our entire existence, yet we collectively and voluntarily decided to continue living. why the fuck are we so stupid???

I don't feel like I belong to this body. Something says I belong to a blond and blue-eyed person. I'm depressed 'cause I have to be stuck into a Latino's body while I'm German.

Tfw you’re so drained that even choosing between coffee or suicide feels like too much effort.

the life would be unbelievably good if I wasn't a deformed looking freak. I hate this world and whoever created it so much it's unreal

Its been a while
Things are worse now then last year
Life continues to be a challenge
Chronic pain and issues continue to plague me more
I am starting to dread physical social interaction
It is getting hard to keep up energy to do anything

Mother woke up with a face stroke.
im a 34 year old neet/hikkie. But this is a sign i have to become an adult now.
Although it feels like im trapped in a cage, underwater, while screaming.

I'm tired, boss. Tired of being on the road, lonely as a sparrow in the rain. I'm tired of never having me a buddy to be with to tell me where we're going to, coming from, or why. Mostly, I'm tired of people being ugly to each other. I'm tired of all the pain I feel and hear in the world… every day. There's too much of it. It's like pieces of glass in my head… all the time. Can you understand?

todai I learned Helicobacter Pylori bacteria reduces your B12 vitamin levels as well as iron levels.


My diet is weird also

I need to pass a breath Helicobacter Pilori test (or vomit into a cup a little, I suppose)

maybe that's where my ruined mood comes from

I know the truth.
We didn't have a normal childhood, and if we did at some point during childhood, puberty, or adolescence, we screwed up and were rejected or abandoned or some fucked up thing.
>Ptsd
A few days ago, I read that people with PTSD have a characteristic lack of light and permanent dilated pupils in their eyes, as if they were almost dead. I looked at photos from my childhood, and at a certain age, I already looked terrible just by looking my eyes and face, from genuine happyness to pure sadness.
>Do you want to vent and tell me a story about some traumatic shit?
I have vague memories of tunnel vision dissociation after being rejected and abandoned as a child and another one as teenager. I wouldn't wish that experience to anyone.

>Avpd
I wonder if this shit is just a process of dehumanization every damn day. I feel out of step or out of alignment with the normies' charade of pretending that everything is fine. I can barely fake it with family members and some close acquaintances (who are not my friends but are friends of my family) and with childrens, I don't want them to end up like me either.
I'm going to say something that makes me cringe, but this year I felt a very stupid happiness because someone who is not part of my family expressed interest or curiosity about me. I don't know if them did it out of morbid curiosity or genuine interest in some form of human kindness, but it made me feel temporarily happy and not so alone and isolated. And no, it wasn't the typical “Are you okay?” that leads to the automatic fake response of ‘'Yes'’ or “Yes, but I'm just now busy and a little tired.”
If only I could make friends or find something similar to human companionship, like with my pets, I wouldn't feel so alone.
I miss playing video games like TF2, WoW, CS, other MMOs, ending up in long hours games and parties laughing with randoms, Even there, I connected with those who were disconnected and found support and friendship. Thank you for that.