/dep/ - Depression

>>305927
yes bully memories still haunts me after more than a decade.

>Being me
>got a job
>everything is ok for the first time in my entire life
>speak to coworkers
>after some months coworkers begin to act WAY too familiar. like, a lot

>begin to throw shit at each other, me included

>one of them point out a delicate situation about me not going to work past week

it hurts
he laughs
everyone laughs
i fucking wish him to shut the fuck off
got so much shit inside me so I cant figure a way of resolving this withouth violence

my instincts are telling me to throw a punch as revange for all those years being bullied in highschool
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>>306098
1. You probably should switch your current job to night shifts.
Your excuse: "traffic jams finally got me".

2. If fails, switch jobs, but only once your "night shifts" plan failed.

Your excuse: "past jobs was about night shifts. Unfortunately, the windows get too much sunlight in the morning and I just cannot sleep from all the light and heat."

>>305927
Not quite like this, but yeah, I get the general sentiment.
Abused kid, everyone knew about my situation, small village, was bullied as a result, like, major life changing stuff at multiple points in life.
Was a nervous wreck, never quite adapted. Never quite got a fresh start either.

I changed schools 3 times by the time I was 18 and always there was at least a few people who "followed me" as they also changed schools.
These people often weren't the bullies themselves, but soon enough they told my tale and presented me as a social offering to the new tribe if that makes any sense.
They used my past torment and my weakness as a gateway to fitting in themselves. So I never really had a chance on my own merit.

To this day I'm haunted, it happens at at work too if you are unlucky. Contrary to popular belief the "bad bully" wont be your subordinate and you the boss later like my mom used to say.
A loser stays a loser because of the learned behavior patterns and developed character. The bullies are socially apt, they usually rise up.
Ironically enough I had the misfortune of meeting some when I was forced out of neetdom. You can guess how that went.

>>305940
This here is probably the worst of it.
Life is just one eternal highschool. I'm glad to have read your post. Said well and concise.
My mother is the same as me and lived through much humiliation too.
When I was younger I didn't understand why she was so nervous about how we present ourselves, but yeah later on this happened to us too and now I get it.
In an apartment complex you can get screwed in so many ways if the others sense blood in the water, weakness or whatever.
If there is a pre-existing clique and you make one mistake at work as well, you'll suffer. Same everywhere.
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>>305927
God I fucking hate people from HS

>>305927
Just wanting to be left alone is my primary goal in life. Too much trauma.

>>305672
Your $3.99 monthly account fee is due today

nothing but pain in my life, soon I will hang myself

not depression related but I'd thought ya'll might like this video.

My mother is a bitch. She literally used to work as a prostitute, then she decided to "settle down" and have kids, but she ended up divorcing raising them alone, me included.
She always abused me, both physically and mentally, she really enjoys putting me down and bringing me to my nerves for her own amusement. When I was little I had genuine fear of her presence, but after observing more her behavior this grew up into just resentment and anger, I hate her and want to keep distance.
What strikes me the most is her jealously, she doesn't want me to talk with other people, and seeing me being nice to other people while I avoid any interaction with her and my family really turns her hysterical.
So her strategy is to accuse me of being either "severely autistic" or an "evil person", and of course humiliating me for being a disappointment to her and not being her expected "ideal of a man", which in her case is accepting I was born just to be her dog, obey her and take care of her during her elderly years.
My only hope for now is either for me to get a job and disappear from their sight completely, or for her to fucking die soon while I take this opportunity to leave, considering the serious declining state of her health due to her morbid obesity and addictions this is somewhat probable.
I just want to be left alone.

>>306025
it is bizarre how much people have kids just to torment them

>>305744
I know exactly how you feel and I know what the cause is for me: inflammation. My whole body remained in an inflamed state from eating plant matter and carbs for years in the past, preventing me from growing, being healthy, being happy. I lost 7-8 years of my adolesence doing things I could've stopped. I could've eaten better. I could've said no. I was 166cm aswell for several years but I'm 169cm now after making some improvements, but I feel that it's all too late. I'm 23 years old.

The past was an act of robbery against me, I know everything that I lost, all my dreams, my time, the happiness, the opportunities, they are all gone permanently. There is nothing that can be done to compensate for them, nothing that can be done to replace them. I suffered emotional distress and pain from abusers, on top of poor habits built from the kind of environment I was forced to exist in, just to lose the most crucial opportunities forever. I'm angry, I'm angry at my family for giving me garbage to eat and abusing my metabolism, I'm angry at myself for being so weak, I'm angry for being poor. I'm angry.

chillax dudes yer never gonna compete with the 181cm chad no matter how hard you try if you're not 182cm which i for one sure as hell am not. it doesn't destroy your *whole* life, only a part of it. you still can earn money enough for spell ingredients

>>298779
Uh yes? Autism means you are pathologically socially retarded and that destines you to be a loser unless some insane level luck happens to you.

>>305744
I hated NEET life so much, to the point I somewhat prefer being a full time wagie. After 18 my parents would nag me nonstop, wake me up in the middle of the night to remind me to look for jobs in the morning. I was already going too. Then they'd walk away muttering how useless I am. I was ready to end it all. I've estranged myself from my entire family now aside from my parents as I live with them, and we've come to terms now. Hopefully there are no future hiccups, but I'm sure there will be.

>>306124
>Then they'd walk away muttering how useless I am
Was in a similar situation. The twist was that this made me snap at them. Tried to get a long-term job but was rejected. Only manage to get a few temp jobs. Parents got irritated by this and blame me for not trying hard enough.
Eventually had enough of this and screamed at them. told them if they wanted me to have a job so badly then they should do more to help get one! they got angry and responded that they didn't owe it to help me.
Told them they then can shut the fuck up, if they didn't want to help me, that I wasn't interested in hearing what they had to say then . Openly told them to shove it up their asses so I didn't need to hear their retarded nagging.
Their only comeback was that I wouldn't get very far with an attitude like this. that this would only ensure that in the future when people see me do bad, no one will bother to nag/lecture me to do better. If this is how I respond when people complained about me. Told them I could figure thing out for myself and didn't need their dumb nagging and lecture. My dad just said fine see what good that will do you.
While I'm still unemployed, my parents have stopped nagging all together, which did a ton of good for me mentally.

>>305385
Judean PSY-op!

Get an online job that you can do from home.

>>305534
good idea

Be like Reimu the fantastic mikReimu the fantastic miko either works at her place of living or proceeds to rain projectiles at everyone in her path as a part of her job…

>>305534
No point if he is an autistic wizard.

Same as you but I am trying to get on NEETbux

>>305955

>Do you know how frustrating it feels when you have been trying something for a long time, someone else starts and they eclipse you in short order?
It feels terrible

I know exactly how you feel and I want to tell you, I was in the same spot but I learned quickly. I realized, very early on, that I can only succeed if I fix things on my own terms. Something in my mind just refuses to cooperate if I adhere to a 'correct standard' set by others, I must have total control over the medium I'm working with and I must be the one to set the architectural rules. Because when you're that independent and you play by other people's game, you'll always lose for being outside of it.

I'm someone who learns very slowly as well. They say comparison is the thief of joy, but that's just ignoring the fact some people just take 100x longer to learn stuff and those of us like that are kind of concerned by it. I don't mind hard work, I can put in the hours, but I want some type of tangible results for it..

Let's say there's 3 different types learning a language, the goal is only broken conversational:

Type1: learns it in 6 months
Type2: learns it in 5 years
Type3: learns it in 50 years

I'm talking about a real effort too, not too sure how it goes learning languages but lets say 10 hours a week formal learning, and another 10 hours casual learning with tv shows and games etcc. How could you possible convince me to learn the language unless it was absolutely necessary for me if I know I'm a type3 person?

>>305955
Sounds like you may have "butter fingers" issue. You could practice some finger exercises to give your hands some neural boost.

On a side note. Today I learned some modern study say heavy exercises not only give you gains, but also make brains and nerves grow and make more connections.

I feel like I am cursed or something with how much misfortune I had in my life. Now slowly dying. I have also read about other people who mysteriously contract one misfortune after the other. maybe you are one of us

>>306013
what are you dying from?

>>305358
mom my problem isn't food my problem is that i'm so crippled by anxiety and hatred my stomach feels like a knot. mom i know it's hard for you to understand but once you slip out of society there isn't a way to get back in, just why the fuck would i care about what i eat? anything that i can swallow is fine i've nothing to live for and magic is spiritual not bodily

>>305358
THANK YOU!!!
because I have been *shunned into* eating vegan

I personally would like to see more talked about SSRI long term effects, how to come off them and something about just taking one dose has permanent changes, I really want to learn about that.

>>306016
You taper off slowly and it's extremely debilitating and painful. You're incapacitated for literally 2-3 months and have residual mood swings for a full year. This was me with 150mg venlafaxine after 5 years on them, and it was the same for my sister who went off it in order to have a child.

It's so painful that most people with full time jobs, a precarious financial position can't do it. It feels like you'll never be right again and you start doubting, but you do manage to make it through.

You can't ever go back on them though. Once you're off they stop working forever for some reason, at least it did for me.

>>304887





>>304890
>I have come to the realization that what I suffer from is not schizophrenia but psychotic depression and the only way to treat my symptoms is to treat the depression


I hear 80% of schizophrenics have auditory hallucinations. Wonder if you don't have some "scary dude voice shouting at you" to begin with.

Also, if you're a big dude and sleep on a sofa, then you're doing it wrong. Get a matress.

>>305966
Teaching is the most soulless job out there. If it ain't agriculture gunmaking, it's worthless

>>305968
Silly wiz, it should be "agriculture, gunmaking"

>>305968
>growing guns out of the soil?
Gunpowder can be made with nitrates washed from the soil, and carbon burnt from its foliage.

>>305880
Would you elaborate on that a little? The technique I mean.

>yet personally if I would reflect the times in my life where I was thinking nonstop there are aspects of it that I miss like simply having an extensive coherent thought process and coming to a conclusion that seemed like the truth.

I tried writing about how we might diverge here, but I seem to fail at making a point. I hope I manage to get it across somehow.

I personally am not stuck on philosophical things where a truth or a semblance of it can be reached through reason. I'm stuck in mental loops related to decisions that need to be made in life to progress.
Every decision, every step you take has an opportunity cost. If your life is not really all that nice and you aren't all that capable, making the wrong ones is too costly.
Making no decision is also costly, but not as terrifying as making the wrong one.

Unfortunately if you are "traumatized" enough by your own history of incompetence you'll end up paralyzed whenever a decision needs to be made.
I'm stuck in a very zero sum / permanence mindset where I need to be sure every step is optimal before I take it.
Paralyzed because there are no such steps to take in my situation unfortunately.
I try to get out of it by just committing to something the second a sufficient impulse presents, like buying new equipment because the old one has rotted or failed etc., but often still end up regretting it, because the thing bought sucks despite months of research.

This applies to everything.
What career path to pick for a 30 year old exNEET with failing health? I can maybe finish one course in something if I put my all into it, but if I pick the wrong one and drop out for the 5th 6th or 7th time depending on how you count it I wont get another shot. I wont give myself another shot.

Decisions are hard and I envy people who can make one and stick to it because reality shows that most paths when walked long enough can bless you with success and satisfaction of some kind.
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>>305886
As a wiz from a country with free-but-red-tapey medical aid, I pretty much should start nagging for help NOW.

>>305907
Yeah better start now rather then when the pain becomes unbearable.
After all these years the only benefit I see in having socialized health care is that the private versions are well, not quite affordable, but not completely out of reach for those of meager means.
If you are in Eastern Europe you can just soft-bribe the doctors to get in faster and cheaper than going full private.

>>305911
Oh! I havee a spinal doctor here, who works both ways so… maybe…

>>305912
Yeah those are the ones that can "help" you most often.
Like you go to one of his private visits, pay with cash, no receipts or any papers for that and I got an MRI appointment for the public system in no time at 1/10 of the cost.
It's bullshit, but it's how the world works sadly.
I wish they didn't ban "gratitude money" or whatever you'd call it in English. Basically giving envelopes with cash to doctors to grease the wheels.
It used to be common public practice. Now you have to be a normie to navigate these situations properly. I struggle quite a bit with these unspoken things.

>>303766
thanks

>>299707
>Spend more time at the gym.
>Buy Bitcoin.

You do neither of those things.

This is another reason I want to die by train I hope at least one normie realises how evil they all fucking are but seeing gore for years i saw no empathy just them cheering for the triump of darwinism such is the filthy world

>>304170
Yes I do.

>>305869
No you don't (jk)

>>305576
not much curious about it. lainchan users really are fucked up in the head and sure as hell their approach to life is often unwizardly.

>>305314
"You are very smart for your age!"

I remember a teacher telling me this once when I was 15. I still sob whehn I think about it.

>>305590
kek wizbro same story. academically i was one of the most successful students in the history of my school. look where it got me. haven't even a job

>>305576
Lainchan.org has been down two times so maybe you'll get to laugh pretty soon.

>>305576
Guess you can start cackling tomorrow: lain's site has been… well, lain. Probably just a hibernation. Bear style.

<It's not just you! lainchan.org is down.
<Last updated: Feb 16, 2026, 8:46 AM



>>305554
Brace for impact!