/dep/ - Depression

Living alone in an empty apartment is so brutal. I go back home to see my parents sometimes and every time I leave I feel like I’m going to cry. I hate being alive so much.

>>247329
I'm the complete opposite, i hate human contact, i literally could spend my life alone
I can't wait to move into my own place, solitude is bliss

>>247330
i hate human contact as well. whenever i have a chance to socialize with people, i always scorn them, and whenever i have a chance to go out in public, i choose to stay inside. i guess being alone isn't specifically the problem.

what is so brutal is having to take care of yourself. like you have no one to stick up for you, no one to have your back, no one to take your side except for yourself. it used to be my parents would love me unconditionally, but now i am out on my own and they wont let me come back.

this is why i hate having friends and tell everyone who talks to me to fuck off. because america in the 21st century is entirely self interested. no one has a real friend, and i feel completely alone even when surrounded by people.

our boss told us today that he will have to fire some people due to the lack of contracts and now im fucking scared, I only make like a buck over minimum wage but this is the first job I ever had that isnt absolutely horrible, Ive had dozens of jobs but none of them for more than a few months, Ive worked almost 2.5 years now at my current job and I dont fucking know what I'd do if I lost it, I just cant go back to some fucking bullshit like working in a warehouse or something like that
fuck

what are the highest paying jobs that are easy and low stress? im going to college so ill have a 4 year degree if that helps

Part Three: Some Actual Methods

Here are the three factors you'll want to consider:

- Time to death
- Chance of survival
- Chance of failure/low complexity

You want a quick time to death to minimize the chance of interference of a third party (see previous part), and to avoid a panic response that many people get right before they die. You want a low chance of survival because otherwise you won't be dying. Also, it might be nice to have a low chance of you possibly fucking it up; if you require third part nitrate galifronium and five parts fivretium lalixite after a thirty minute hydroxide stir–you might want to rethink where your priorities are (less complexity=greater chance you'll be dying).

With that said: shotgun from inside of the mouth aimed up into the head. That's the best method, and every word of that previous sentence IS CRUCIALLY IMPORTANT. Gun to the head because it will blow the fuck away out of any brain matter your got. Shotgun because you'll get a good spread that lowers the chance of your fucking it up. INSIDE THE MOUTH because otherwise YOU'LL JUST SHOOT YOUR JAW OFF AND END UP LIVING (go read some horror stories about that!). Aimed up into the head because although shooting straight back will probably let your bleed out enough that you'll die and you'll probably hit the brain stem, you'll end up prolonging how long it will take until you actually die. Yes, obviously you can't do straight up, but that's fine, because your jaw will be in the way to keep you from angling the gun straight vertical, you'll increase your likelihood of catching your brain stem.

The most common criticism is, "I don't have a gun." Now, this could be for a number of reasons. However, if your reason is, "I don't have any money to buy a gun," then fuck right off. This is your last act in life, you can sell off your shit, get a loan, etc.. You're going to be dead, so this isn't the time to be penny pinching. However, if you still don't like this answer, you live in the U.K. where you can't even get a butter knife without being put on a terrorist watchlist (speaking of which, if you live in the U.K. and you're reading this, a friendly reminder: WATCH YOUR SIX WHILE YOU'RE READING THIS), you're reading this in a library because you're literally homeless, or if you have some legal barrier that's prohibiting you from buying or getting access to a shotgun then here's method two: helium canister Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

Part Four: Some Non-Methods

If you're thinking about popping pills or slitting your wrists, fuck right off. If you look up the success rates of these methods, you'll realize how terrible they are. These are not suicide methods: they're methods to become another number in the psychiatric industry. If you really want to kill yourself, then obviously you don't. Those two methods have some of the worst statistics associated with them.

Now, maybe you really DO just want attention and are using these methods as an attention stunt. If so, go stand near the ledge of a bridge: at least that way you won't have lasting medical issues.

Speaking of which, bridges. If you must throw yourself off of a bridge:

- Find an ISOLATED bridge! If you live in San Fran and are thinking of throwing yourself off of the Golden Gate, how about maybe choosing another large, suspension bridge that has less traffic and therefore less of a chance of getting caught?
- Think about the time. Hell, study the traffic patterns of the bridge. You need to be able to drive/get into the middle, stop, and leap off and do it before anyone has a chance to react.
- At least with CPAP in your home alone or a gun in your home alone if you freeze up and have second thoughts, you can do that with minimal consequences. If you're on the ledge of the bridge and then freeze up and stop, guess what, with your luck that's EXACTLY when someone is going to spot you and try to "save" you. Steeple chase that railing and get it over with!
- Do you know how easy it is to go feet first and just end up breaking your legs and spine but survive? Keep that in mind. Most bridge jump deaths die from drowning after the jump, not the impact of the jump, which means it might not be as quick and easy as you thought!

Now this last one isn't exactly a 'non-method.' If you're thinking about hanging yourself, then there is a time and a place for that: when you have no other choice. Hanging is INCREDIBLY painful, but it can be done if you're determined and you need to off yourself in nearly any situation. The classic situation for this is in prison. This is the plan:

- Get yourself alone (easier said than done in prison, I know, but you have time to figure this out).
- You'll at least have access to your clothes or to toilet paper. Now, it IS possible to fashion a noose out of toilet paper, but you have to be very determined and make lots of iPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Part Five: Some Parting Words

At some point you're likely going to regret doing it. Whether it's on the fall from the bridge on the way down or 1 minute into swallowing a handful of pills or choking on your noose or as you slowly lose consciousness from the CPAP or a millisecond after pulling the trigger. This is a normal, completely PHYSIOLOGICAL human response. Know about it and prepare for it.

At some point along the way someone is going to try to stop you somehow. Prepare for it.

In general, just plan it out.

Part Six: The Author

Have I thought about killing myself? How the fuck do you think this came to be. Of course I have. Why didn't I do it? Because I couldn't find a good way to go about it. Let's take shotgun. There's actually a nonzero chance that a shotgun to the head won't kill you. I know that sounds absolutely impossible, but that's the state of modern medicine, and that's the statistics of a bad round. The more I studied and plotted out my own suicide, the more I felt assured that I wouldn't be able to pull it off right. "How could I get a gun with X finding out about it, knowing him?" "Where the fuck do I hide a helium canister? Someone is going to see me carry that out of the car and then the CPAP mask and within short order put two and two together." It's sad to say, but I wasn't able to pull it off. My paranoia was and is my worst enemy. At some point I figured that the urge to end it all would eventually allow me to accept the risk of failing or botching the suicide, but I never reached that point (yet).

Has my life gotten better? No. There was someone I knew at that time in similar straights who did kill himself. And I've thought since then that he took the path of killing himself and I'm leading the life he would have lived. And I'm here to say: he made the better choice. Every day of my life since that day that I decided not to kill myself has only steadily gotten worse. Each passing year I've only added to my regret, and think that he was the much smarter man. Every time I hear about how "stupid" it is to commit suicide, I think to my friend and silently say to myself that he made the right choice. Every time I've heard "It gets better," I know that that's not the case–especially if you're already in a place of considering suicide. Everyone I know who has "gone to therapy and now they're good" isn't.

Alright, good luck killing yourself, you'll be a better man than me.

>"My gf left me, and I'm thinking about…"
I don't think you know where you are.

Tianeptine is an mu-opioid agonist (just like morphine or oxy, but weaker) that is marketed as an anti-depressant. Very easy to aquire prescription. If you take a few pills at the same time you get the classic opioid buzz, though less itchy in my experience, which is a good thing.

After a panic attack I was prescribed Lortab. It made me feel like everything was fine, but I never wanted more because I know the world is shit and taking drugs to fool my brain into liking it is just validating the insane and evil god that rules this world.

>>246532

Antidepresants aflict your metabolism. You should really research some conspiranoid articles about them.

You want a trip for an upset mind? Try holotropics

>>246538
Normalfag depression is just boredom, so takingbdrugsncuresbtheir boredom and they think it cured their depression.

I.. had some methadone or something in my coffee the other day. Dad complained a little bit cause I was buzzing. Definitely some type of opiate, every once in a while it finds its way into my drinks. It was alright and I don't do it often, really, my doctor won't allow. My buddy gave me a 30 once, charged me twenty bucks for it too. Fifteen maybe. It made me feel moderately happy for an evening, and very itchy, and since I'm on medicine, my chest hurt a tiny bit too. I think I ended up needing the narcan, so you want to start at like 5mg. Didn't seem to result in death or anything, and it felt alright, I'm kind of like.. hmm.. feels good, oof the cigarette tray, a coffee sounds good, etc. I totally dig it. My health is not so good anymore, it helps to have something in the afternoons to ease the fear of dying, I do kind of wish for the stuff, doctors said I had like seven left and that was four ago. Anyway, good shit, makes for a comfy evening, not too often though, the addiction to it is a bitch.

my brother and my mom are both mildly retarded from repeated car accidents (my mom's been in 9, no joke). i live with both of them.
they're not as overt as your nephew. most people have no idea they're retarded unless they spend hours with them.
they're mostly just extremely annoying, narcissistic and want to talk constantly, but can't remember words and stop mid-sentence to obsessively try to remember a word. this can go on for several minutes. They can't process two things at the same time very easily, so usually when you try to talk back to them, they literally won't hear you.

It comes with impulse control problems and anger issues. My brother will forget whether or not he took his pills, and he'll ask me 5 times because he forgot he asked me already (they leave me in charge of small stuff like this and never take care of any of their own responsibilities, not even in regards to their own bodies).
Sometimes there'll be an OD scare, like my mom took fucking six painkillers and muscle relaxers in one sitting and got this crazy fever because she just forgot if she took her pills or not and then took a repeated dose multiple times in a row.

they used to be extroverts and have lots of friends. they lost all of them because of how retarded and annoying the brain damage made them. now they just talk to me.

i feel sorry for them and i feel sorry for myself that i have to live with them.

>>247209
"why doesn't everyone abandon their disabled family members" says the sage

>>247215
usually because they get money from the gov for being a carer? wageslave vs care for a tard…

>>247216
It’s usually because the gov doesn’t give bough to hire someone else to care for them and to abandon them would lead to homelessness or death.

>>247172
>My severely autistic brother is up for multiple times a day nearly everyday, smashing holes through walls, smearing shit and screaming to the top of his lungs. Nearly my entire waking life is spent taking care of him if I'm not at work. I haven't slept for 2 or so days now and I feel awful. There's literally never going to be an end to it until one of us dies. Apologizes for the unasked vent.

Don't apologize. It was a good description. I lived through that except it was a sister. Pure hell, though I now live in my own place.

I have nothing against her, she was just impossible to deal with.

>>245124
If you're old enough to be Shinji, you're old enough to be criticized for manliness like Shinji.

>>245123
>(be it gays, mentally disabled, the short, the ugly etc)

So laissez faire? What about altruism and utilitarianism or do we just, shut up and accept gross inequality and unfairness and have a cynical answer to the misfortune of others?

>>245161
I think it's more altruistic to allow these people to live and make their own choices. If they truly feel their life isn't worth living they always have the option to kill themselves.

>>247179
Look just how many people here don’t feel like life is worth living and still go on.

>>245072
The trouble with eugenics is agreeing on what makes a “better” human. In your examples the goal is straightforward:
>farm animals : breed for size
>horses: breed for speed
>dogs: breed for trainability
Beyond not having diseases and disorders, there isn’t much to breed humans “towards” that would be agreed upon. You can’t breed for intelligence, as you then get autists which people would hate. You can’t breed for size/speed as it doesn’t really matter with modern machinery. Etc.

>>246962
And then
>it gets better after you retire
Just joking, with this economy and policies no one who works right now will be able to retire.

>>247023

How much do you people know about prepping and building hidden bunkers away from the eyes of the State?

>like, f*k taxes

>>247032
I know this: it's a hobby only wealthy fucks can afford.

real talk here, it may feel like life is over but you can very easily turn things around here. you are young. look into careers that you can go to trade school for or something with IT where you need low cost certifications. you can and will one day be happy. employment is the first step

Look into jobcorps

>>247156
this. 20yos are pretty much kids you only mature as an individual later.

>>247158
Treated like kid with the responsibilities of a functioning adult.

>>247159
It was pretty sobering to go from a grad student where everyone who’s not a professor is some 18 year old child to getting a real job where everyone is 20+ years older than you and thinks you are a child again.

>>247139
You are, go back to 4chad.

you dont need a diagnosis. a diagnosis won't get you anywhere. to start you need a job or to go to trade school.

>>246957
Whew might have to read that book

>>246696
This is correct. The Human body is not magic. If it fails, it's because a certain number of points of matter are not positioned in a way conducive to life. If you can put it right, using any sufficient method, you can maintain or bring back life. Nanotechnology would be perfect. If we can print integrated circuit parts so much smaller than cells then we can print machines at the scale of cells and viruses. If you could manufacture batteries in a similar way, you could have nanomachines with enough energy to push shit around really precisely by directing lasers. All that nanodust could make my drunk ass undrunk and then drunk again and shoot me some fucking weed.

>>246957
eheu fugaces

>>247065
Magical do-everything technology and the best use you can invent for it is to get yourself permanently poisoned with the gay weed? Maybe we don't deserve it.

>>246559
Bit too much focus on how to deal with normies but good advice I guess. Especially the teeth thing.

I want to learn, should I go for web development or shit like Java, C++, Python etc?

>>247049
It depends. I've been seeing a lot of job posts to people who know Wordpress.

>>247049
I did web development during my short stint at a software development firm, it was absolute hell. Always having to worry that when you fix something on one browser it'll break in another, Apple Safari never working in general and just having to learn and apply tons of JS animation shit on the fly whenever your boss decides that the website is "too boring". I thought C and Assembly was autistic but at least it doesn't make me want to blow my brains out quite like web development.

>>247096
what do u do now, wizzie?
i dropped out of an unrelated degree and taught myself assembly, c. not sure on if i should break my neetdom. heard SE jobs can be on the cosier side

>>247111
I suppose I'm a "fulltime student" until I drop out or finish of my computer engineering degree. Like all jobs, there's a huge variety as to how cozy/hellish they can be. The reason I like assembly and c is because they are used to program machines, tangible things as opposed to purely abstract applications

>>246163
I have faith, not knowledge. I'm not gotta bet that misfortunes happen because of sky daddy that (probably) doesn't exist, because that's what people causing those misfortunes want me to focus on, instead of them.

>>246097
Jesus was an antinatalist wizard.

>>246089
Brother/sister, only God can give refuge and peace, don't go to churches that is paganism, buy or look for a Bible, read it and learn from the teaching of Jesus (God). Also pray from your heart (and not to figures, that is idolatry), pray to Jesus and ask Him for faith and His holy spirit and seek Him through faith, good works and reading the Bible. I hope I have helped you.
God bless you, amen.

>>246089
Any contemplative order is highly wizardly, but don't try if you can't handle the asceticism, the whole thing might be cool in the beginning but that lifestyle will get to you in one way or another, that is where the fun begins. If you don't believe everything the Church teaches, you will fail.