/dep/ - Depression

how do some people make it so long.

i dont get it. im always so close to killing myself .

i hate myself .

I have always suffered in silence. I never speak to others about my suffering—whether it’s my family or anyone else. I have always bottled up my emotional pain. Besides, no one wants me, so there is no point in reaching out to others to build the kind of trusting bond where I could open up. The last time I cried was five years ago; before that, I hadn't cried for six or seven years—or maybe even longer, I can't remember. I am tired of living; I can't take it anymore. I am not strong enough to hold on to life. I just can't manage it. In any case, there are so many people who can't cope and who give up on life—and yet people want to save them? My heart is too heavy; it’s crushing me.

My rooster that I've had for ten years, who I consider my best friend and love more than anyone else, died Wednesday night. He was my only friend. He lived in the house with me and was the only thing that would make me feel better when the rest of my life would weigh down on me. I would go hold him and the rest of life would disappear and that would be all that would matter. I keep forgetting now for a few moments, that I can't go see him and hold him anymore.

I have had depression for my whole life adolescence onward, and I was afraid even 5-6 years ago of this day and thought it would be unsurvivable, and now it's here, and I do want to die. I dont want to live in a world where he isn't here with me. The initial shock has worn off and it's sinking in that my best friend is gone, and I'm not going to see him again. My mother is the only other positive presence in my life, because she knew how much I love him. She has stage 4 cancer and it's still unclear if she's going to survive it or not. She's essentially the only reason why I have not shot myself already. She was never abusive or cruel to me, so I couldn't do that to her even though I don't want to live anymore.

Did you ever have an animal that meant this much to you? People are cruel and petty and small. If an animal loves you it's genuine, they dont have ulterior motives or social performance.

Discuss your substance related coping mechanisms and how it pertains to your depression here.

I feel like a lot of people, especially older normies overestimate the abilities of the average guy and the problems that are out there to be solved in real life.

There is this old guy I listened to for the past decade now called Eli the Computer Guy and he often repeats this mantra that a tech professional should go out there pick themselves up by their bootstraps and solve problems for money.
Solve real world problems for money. Provide solutions using your skills. Over and over again while teaching people about making toy cars with a microcomputer or whatever.

Issue is there aren't any problems the average guy is capable of solving that people are able to pay enough for to make it worthwhile.
Maybe I'm low IQ and not creative enough, but that is the point I guess.
The average guy that got a CS or engineering degree and is now doing menial tasks at a big corporation isn't going to create groundbreaking solutions because everything worth doing, all the low hanging fruit and obvious problem/solution pairs have been done to death, patented to death or worse.

Big tech is so big that they offer a solution so refined, so solid, so cheap that no mom-and-pop shop will ever give you the time of day if those even exist.
The average normie is quite content with a phone which is basically a toy-ified computer gadget.
They don't need more.
Most even run their own little business from it using a handful of cheap/free big tech tools that if you were to offer a homebrew solution for it would cost an arm and leg to maintain without economies of scale.

What does a network tech that wants to "solve problems" do aside from running cable? You could lease a 10G fiber line from a big ISP and sublet it by wiring up a small village I guess?
Then the government gives a huge fucking grant to big ISP and they just wire up every small village themselves leaving you with nothing.
If you are lucky you can become a subcontractor doing menial tasks for the big ISP in a set region.

What does the average coder do now? Especially with the future of them limiting hardware/software access? Every app is made that a normie needs. Kinda like with websites.
Every normie uses less than a dozen of them, mostly through apps…
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>The more I seclude myself the more I long for human connection
>The more I interact with the 3D world the more I just want to be left alone
I literally cannot win in this life
I am always worried about doing the wrong thing, I am always lamenting all of my errors of the past
I hardly actually live

anyone here into studying carl jung by any chance? there is a lot i find fascinating about him but what impressed me the most is that he condensed his mental health strategy into a single word: integtation. implied in this is that each person has unconscious parts and by making those unconscious parts conscious, they no longer sabotage.

to me this is amazing and ballsey. i image most other mental health practitioners would not give you a one word answer to the question of how to have a healthy mind. i image they'd say that this is impossible to answer and that it depends and that an expert is needed.

Do you think suicide hotlines are helpful? I have been calling them almost everyday without anything improving.
Is there a better alternative?

Are there people here who don't have a job or don't get NEETbux and have to live with parents who are abusive and stupid as fuck but you just can't beat the crap out of them because you're dependent upon them?