/dep/ - Depression

Just had a realization.
All the times I thought "well someday"…
Someday isn't even today.
That day of action, that one day where dreams come true was 10 years ago.
It just never happened.
It passed by like any other day.
A day of inaction. Then a month and year and a decade.
It should have been. Long ago. I should be reminiscing about those days today. I don't even have the fond memories to look back on.
Failure? Is it a failure if you never tried? I don't know.

Facing mortality like this feels impossible.

>Every time I think of death, the end of my self I can feel my brain fighting it, pretty much actively trying to shut down.

that's the little you who somehow got into the cockpit. there are deeper parts of you, how bout letting them into the cockpit and kick the little you out?

>I screwed myself, my health because
if you don't want to die then how come you aren't healthy. that'd be the number one thing you would make sure to handle because it is the only thing that can give you extra years.

pasta, pizza, soda and candy don't give you extra years, they shorten your life.

>How do you deal with the inevitability of death?
i'm healthy and i try to make the best out of the little time i have left. i'm not that good at using my time and i am way slower then i would like to be because of the constant molestation and hostility around me that i keep having to pick myself up from but what matters is that i am getting better. the reason i don't worry about death or getting old is because i trust in my abilities and in the preparation i am doing, also i was never tricked in this cultural delusion of all the idiots who prioritize in controlling everything and everyone and in the process never even felt the present moment. the worry you experience might be the result of the state of greed that you have accepted as normality. normal people are just fuel for corruption, they aren't alive the way i am or the other people who try to live a life of wisdom. they are just imposters who get so jealous that their circuits jam when they see someone alive. i'm sure you have never found the good stuff in life so you are like all the others who haven't. it's tragic but i don't think you can be helped. until you question the peer pressured life, your life will feel empty, shallow and distant. the real you is sitting passenger while the little you flies the plane. if you were sitting in the cockpit yourself, you could fly to where it is nice but passengers don't get to make decisions, or believe in free will.

just quit being a passenger and fly yourself.

>>305937

>>306014
Halts? 14 years old? Or maybe we're on a computer that a 14 years old got as a 9th grade gift.


>>305937
>>306172

Count me in!
I still have some issues with the "worth living" part despite having it objectively easy these days.

And the death is a "taboo" for me too, not the EL QUERO VIVRE burning desire to live, but rather… rather…

>>306169
Peter griffin manga edition ? pic

>>306722
regression for someday- by what is there

Creatine Monohydrate should be supplemented because to get a full working dose one would need to eat an entire chicken dinner's worth of beef. It's vital in the human body's functions that relate to not being unhealthy. I've been taking it for years and I'm very strong and smart and large.

>>307661
That seems like a lot to take in but many men's health support supplements cover much of that in two doses. Ideally much of this shouldn't be supplemented but rather acquired through an actual balanced diet, but that would probably give a caloric surplus for the average NEET.

>>308003


I ask a chatbot (cheap DeepSeek, nothing fancy) to be a decent time-managing coach for me and tell DS some tasks off my head… get a timetable… tell DS some more… get a bigger timetable - bam! Now I have a three hour time-table for tomorrow :)

>>308402
Update: it's done and many more

>>303176
I have bought a vial of synthetic vitamind D, diluted in water, thanks to a hint from >>305097

I feel less anxious and not as doomed as before. I think half of my depression is gone.

As a soy/lentils eater, I decided to start eating B12 without even getting tested.

>>307661
Cool. Which brands I should ask my AI assistant? I am going to get something similar.

>>309176 that’s crazy 33 is nutz i’m 19.

I ate shit in the school parking lot and a group of succubi laughed at me, i still haven't recovered

>>309177
Pack it up unc, shouldn't you be at work

>>309178 i envy you

>>309178
Shit's fetish fuel for some.
Maybe you are the reason one of them weren't dating chads because your stunt has provided her enough fetish fuel to stick to finding a c&a fella to feed stinky fish at evening dinners

Sorry if that sounds un-wize. I just think it can be healing to think personal actions may turn a succubi into a … neutral "self-sufficient" witch-like entity

massive drinker of beer. When im binging I can do 20 5% bottles of 3xx ml a day. currently trying to lower it a lot as I am running into health issues, 50 beers a week is kinda my max now and ideally want to do 24 a week

>>309070
Have you ever thought of referring to kombucha as "the booch"? I have. In fact last time I was at the store I asked the f/emale in the aisle whether they have any "booch" and she told me that they did not. Joke's on her!

Video games

>>309098
boochi the rock

>>309089
Not a big deal if you eat a lot of food too, but then you get fat. I'm currently maintaining 10-12 a day by working out 5x a week and being a good long distance runner. I've only ever run into health problems from beer when I drank on an empty stomach.

I don't understand where this desire to be seen as a victim comes from.

>>309028
there is no desire. society judges your complaints as either valid or not. you are not a victim if you're a wizard. you are a victim if you're brown or female. that's all.

>>309028
it's a self-defense mechanism. by self-victimize yourself, you're telling someone you are weak and not worth being the targets of bad things they want to do to you. it also comes from fear

>>309015
It's "honest" (in brackets).
You can say to someone who doesn't mean to bully you it hurts already hoping civilized people to back off before some kind of a treatening to sue over moral damages arises. Soyboys are especially good at that.

Unfortunately, it does not *deter* bullies. If you are some kind of manipulator who collects evidence for possible lawsuits, you're golden, and so is your lawyer. If you're honestly asking to leave you alone with this victimization of yourself, you're in the wrong… spot.

>>309030
>>309029
self-victimisation is nonsense

>>297753
>How do you guys fight anhedonia?
Have you tried nicotine?

I fight anhedonia with high ABV beer. But I only get drunk on Friday evening. I'm sober the rest of the time.

When I'm drunk (not wasted), I enjoy playing videogames, I enjoy music.

>>301975
>Life with anhedonai feels pointless. No pleasure, no point? Like why do anything. I just end up doing nothing

This.

>>305617
I tried it. It kinda works, but the nicotine burnout was unpleasant and accidently overdosing on velo pouches is worse than any hangover i've ever had

>>297753
Intense exercise in the heat followed ice baths/having icy water thrown on you. It is hard and sometimes I just want to stop because stand up grappling can be temporary hell.

Muay Thai in the heat is fucking fixing me right now. I am not great but endorphins/dopamine/fat loss/muscle mass increase and self esteem from getting better is the only thing so far that has improved my brain so much. Feel myself enjoying music so much more. Just sparring to the beat they play in the gym. Makes me want to shadow box all the time because I just want to get back to the gym.
My biggest regret is not doing this like mad when I was a teenager. Instead I waited until 31.

>>308925
Darn I wish I had a gun to shoot myself with.

Are you sure it isn't just survival instinct? I tried to hang myself in january but backed out at the last moment.

>>308977
there are better methods than hanging so no reason to do it that way unless you're in a hurry, the risk of not doing it properly and suffering a slow and painful death or surviving with brain damage is too high

>>308979
still better than overdosing or jumping

I remember seeing that on family guy, the talking dog speaking about having a gun as last resort which gave him comfort. First time I've ever truly agreed with something that's a little taboo. If I had a sure and quick way to die if things ever got too much I'd live a little more carefree. A goodnight switch is how I like to call it. Sure I could just jump off a tall building, but that's really hard to overcome the instinct, and also the natural fear of heights. I've looked down a stairwell that was 18 floors high and I hated the visual and sensation it gave me.

>>307294
Wish I had real goals too.
I relate a lot to the randomness, feeling like I'm an edge case a lot of times.

I genuinely feel like I'm an NPC in a game world at times with broken RNG. It's usually something negative, absurdly unlucky and it stacks up to "unrealistic" stories people think I make up.

Like telling a doctors about having physical pains, limping and this whole thing somehow leading me to a psych ward before they ever bother to acknowledge the physical deformity/damage, only after paying for imaging out of pocket do they finally believe me, and EVEN AFTER THAT they still push the mental shit instead every time some new shit pops up. This is basically every doctor I've met in recent memory for no discernible reason. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLrnkK2YEcE

It happens in positive ways too. Like I'm on the brink of exiting life and all of a sudden I'm given a job far beyond my abilities and tolerated for years despite my many shortcomings and failures in a comfy position that I couldn't ever imagine replicating.

Critical failures absurdly disproportionate to whatever was the cause was and miraculous outcomes and rewards/results disproportionate to the effort put in.
Overall it's negative, but then great things happen just in time to keep me going….
Needless to say I've been embracing determinism as a result, but the absurdity of the experience makes it hard to believe it is strictly determined and not some random outsider having a grand old time messing with me like I used to with insects in a sandbox as a kid.

Makes me wonder how real most people are, or if I'm actually clinically insane and they just hear other words come out of my mouth than I attempt to say.
Then again sometimes the weird unprompted absurdly unrelated NPC like rants from people can be interrupted and somehow they snap back to sanity and give way to what I want. It's very odd.
Wish I was as coherent as some wizards here instead of rambling, but I hope the message is clear enough.

>>308057
okay

>>308743
>Makes me wonder how real most people are, or if I'm actually clinically insane

Most are not real. Covid should have proved this to you. And what do I mean by “real”? Having intelligence enough to think independently of others.
And you are not clinically insane. No man authentically mad would ever be discovered self-aware of his own madness.

>I genuinely feel like I'm an NPC in a game world at times with broken RNG.

You’re just smart and very self-aware in a world in which apparently nearly all are not. Any sufficiently caring and self-reflective human will fall into the belief that he’s beset by soulless people wandering through outwardly random environments as an isolated observer. The ancient gnostics even had a term for this and that term is ἀλλογενής, meaning literally “of a different kind”, but translated as “stranger”. Those who have thoughts like those contained in your post really are ἀλλογεναι (strangers) in a difficult world that is not native to the quality of their souls.

>This is basically every doctor I've met in recent memory for no discernible reason.

I can fairly say: me too! Except I disagree with >for no discernible reason. The reason is quite plain: doctors are indoctrinated; not only “intellectually”, that is in how they understand and treat diseases, but also “personally”, in how they hold the most of their patients in contempt as less than themselves. Doctors (95% of the time) are dangerous prideful psychopaths who look down on their patients while having very little actual curative medical knowledge. You should have known this by your age (presuming here that you are 30+). If I can flatter myself, I already knew to be careful around doctors (that they do not make good decisions and are often uncaring toward sufferers) by the time I was in my early 20s.

>Critical failures absurdly disproportionate to whatever was the cause was and miraculous outcomes and rewards/results disproportionate to the effort put in.

Here’s an interesting passage out of Plutarch from an essay titled “De Pythiae oraculis (On the oracles of Pythia)”, the subject whereof is the investigation of the truthfulness of the responses given to ancient men who would sue for tPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>308747
>the fact that we have free will cannot be reconciled to the notion of a limiting malicious demiurge.
From our perspective/perception and even then only within an extremely limited scope all things considered.
An ant in a terrarium has free will to an extent.

>>308968
>An ant in a terrarium

well that's probably what we are, being that space is fake and we're under water.

>>308893
My mother was carrier of an extremely rare genetic disease that makes you disabled since day 1 and life expectancy is 16-18 years, chance of inheriting it was also 50% and she still decided to have me because yolo. I'm convinced I would've been better off with the disease knowing what my life would've been, I'm still genetic trash but I have to endure it for many many years because survival instincts, humanity is the worst virus of them all.

>>308893
This is how I feel about ageing mothers, that is, the vast majority of wizchan posters. My mom was 41, fucking demonic cunt

>>308914
Never thought about the number, my mother was 37 when she had me. I always found it strange in elementary school how my parents were the only ones who looked old. Grey hairs, wrinkles, all that. Meanwhile the other students parents looked like older siblings.

From that description sounds like my mother has something very similar but minor. She's losing muscle function, but largely due to her lifestyle of eating like 10~20k calories a day and laying down 24/7. Mentally fried as she's on a cup full of pils every day and night, if she even misses one she will freak out and try run outside naked because the men in black suits are trying to kill me. Someone like her wasn't made for life, just a defected product sadly

yeah I can see how certain countries have legalised euthanasia

>>308944
It's a supermarket and the succubi I'm referencing are highschoolers/uni students and 25~50 y/o succubi. Older succubi are fine I've noticed. They're probably just happy to be dealing with a White man lol.

>>308945
Oh for sure they can sense it. Shouldn't I be less of a threat than a literal psycho criminal though? It's not like these criminals are handsome or sociable either, they are weirder than I am but they still get better treatment than me. It's so weird.

>>308949
I like the idea of a normie camouflage. I also agree not changing for their approval but I do want to be written off the hit list. I just don't want to be attacked and harassed and I'm willing to make certain changes to ensure that. All within reason. I remember in my 20s when I had to walk everywhere I had to act a little off putting around the ghetto types to get them to leave me alone. I'd scratch myself a lot, sniff loudly, and scream every 2 minutes or so lol. They wrote me off as not worth interacting with. If I acted "normal" it's just constants bombardments of "got a dollar bro?" or other variants.

>>308949
Normies thinking that you are harmless is the best excuse you can give them to harass you, if there's an inbred somalian dancing naked on the subway no one will open his mouth but if a short white guy doesn't want to give his seat to a succubus they'll verbally murder you.

>>308961
Normies are some of the most narcissistic, hypocritical, and cowardly individuals ever to walk the earth. They radiate nothing but contempt for every living being around them except themselves. It makes me physically sick being around them and I have no problem rejecting whatever hypocritical sob story they have to say to get their way. I feel approximately 0 remorse when I see them get murdered in gore sites. Infact its emotionally fulfilling.

>>308969
The poster above is correct, neurotypicals only listen to force and size. The worst thing you can do among them is to present as harmless and timid. They will abuse and ruin you to oblivion especially in the United States.

What you need to do as a wizard is what I did which is ordering trenbolone and testosterone propionate and hit the gym.
Then if people give you shit or push you around you push them back or tell them to fuck off in public.

You can't make them back off and feel humiliated if you're small and polite. As a social self defense tool you need to have the OPTION of credibly telling a narcissistic normie to fuck off under the threat of violence.

That doesn't mean you can't be civil, reasonable and kind when that's your baseline personality. You just need to have size and a yolo attitude in your tool arsenal if shit hits the fan.
The odds of shit hitting the fan decrease radically either way when narcissistic normies no longer see you as an easy target. They begrudgingly skip you.

>>308973
>That doesn't mean you can't be civil, reasonable and kind when that's your baseline personality. You just need to have size and a yolo attitude in your tool arsenal if shit hits the fan.
So essentially Teddy Roosevelt's philosophy of "speak softly and carry a big stick", but at an interpersonal level?