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Depression
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File: 1563948513728.jpg (76.74 KB, 1200x630, 40:21, angry gamer.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

 No.204496[Reply]

Do you think playing video games with depression is a bad idea?

Competetive games make me sad because I don't have the intelligence or dexterity to compete with others. When I keep losing and losing and losing it just makes me feel terrible because I can't even succeed in games and it makes me feel like an even bigger failure than already. Even more when I see others brag about their winrates and achievements while saying they don't play a lot.

Singleplayer games make me angry when I can't get past some point while everyone else is saying it's "easy as fuck". The anger gets worse when I seek a video game board for advice only to be called a retard or to "git gud".

Any game with a heavy RNG element makes me angry because it feels like I am unlucky.

Even slower adventure games make me sad with their puzzles that I just can't solve. At this point after being called retarded so often and failing at everything I am wondering if I should ask my psychiatrist for an IQ test.
15 posts and 5 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.204679

honestly, you shouldn't even be posting here, let alone play video games if you have depression. these things will just agitate and degrade your condition more than they will assuage you. but alas, wizards have no other recourse, so i earnestly suggest you pick your poison.

 No.204711

File: 1564326648175-0.jpg (162.44 KB, 850x644, 425:322, D.Va-git-gud.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I like to play Call of Duty 4:
- doesn't need Steam
- has dedicated servers
- easy to play, you can rush around like a prick and make good kills and humiliate campers with Shotgun, RPG or knife
- meaty weapon sounds and predictable impact
- no communication needed
It's IMHO still the most satisfying game. In Quake Live you need to warm up for hours for even landing some kills if you're not a talent.
In CS:GO it's all about ~~tactics~~ camping and correcting the flight path of your bullets and the recoil. Also no servers anymore, fuck international matchmaking, fuck matchmaking. And fuck communication.

Yeah, I found a perfect egotrip game for my depression.
Sometimes Overwatch deathmatch does it, too. But I hate to start that fucking Blizzard Launcher (I hate Launchers), load the updates (arrrrrg!), being informed that something in game changed again. I hate changes. Only play DM and TDM, I ditched quick play and ranked play, it's too much group pressure. And communication (I hate to speak Engrish).

 No.205452

>>204679
How the fuck vidya games make depression worse?

 No.205455

>>205452
I think he means playing online can make depression worse, which I agree.

 No.205464

>>204500
>I used to restart rpg multiple times because my mood of what to roleplay as keep changing.
I do this all the time, I almost never finish an RPG because I get bored with the character I created and go start another one



 No.204587[Reply]

Do you ever wonder if spending a significant amount of time alone is driving you slowly insane? Like finding it harder to separate daydreaming from reality, not being aware of things happening around you, changing the ways in which you react to situations and external stimuli etc?
25 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.205427

>>205426
That means you're a true wizard

 No.205434

>>205427
Every day is overstating it, but, still

 No.205435

>>205426
I no longer need to talk to my parents its pointless because they wont listen anyway and ill get is "life is what you make of it" out of my mom. I think she used that one fucking line 5 times in one conversation we had months back.
Anyway I don't bother with them anymore and find I am not any worse off.

I do need to talk to people on here,4chan and my FC mates in FF14 though. Its fucking sad I get better and deeper conversations out of this place compared to people I know in real life. It is what it is I guess I suppose in ideal world I wouldn't need any of it or even exist at all.

 No.205445

>>205435
I talk to my parents purely because I still live in their house. It's almost always about smalltalk - how our days have been, me complimenting my parents on meals they prepared (and other stuff they do for me), that kind of thing. The smalltalk witk my coworkers is about my work 99% of the time; the other 1% is wishing each other a good day/weekend.

Most of my "real"/deep convos are online. Even then, it's inconsequential. It's enough to satisfy my itch, I suppose, but it satisfies my needs.

I've been meaning to pick up FF14.

 No.205446

>>205445
yeah I still engage in small talk as well but I don't need or enjoy it. About as meaningful as when a checker at a store asks how my day went. I find it insufferable regardless of where I have to do it. Why does everyone want to talk about the damn weather? I don't care outside is that place I walk through to and from my car to some building or another.



 No.205313[Reply]

since a few years back i grew to despise the situation i am living in. im a teenager and living with narcissistic parents. i am also politically incorrect and study in a very,very leftist school,with almost no freedom in my life.

ive figured out i should develop myself and understand my situation to "escape the matrix" so to speak. first i came into contact with nofap,and tried it like a damn masochist for a full year,before giving time to politics and history and etc

i am in a very hard situation. i chose to focus on myself before trying nofap again but ive really fucked up my head trying to be someone i am not

i usually did something pleasurable like masturbating and them forced it into being some rite of passage,and acting like i got everything under control after that. i aways failed after 2-4 days.

trying to make commitments for some reason is screwing me,i get negative or obsessive thoughts like im fighting against it,and i feel apatic and "not in the mood"

on the other hand no commitments leaves me no solid ground,i have no willpower to continue,the comfort addiction is too strong

what should i do? push tru the apathy and keep going or focus on a slower development or something else?
3 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.205318

none of that stuff matters, politics is pointless, nofap is bullshit for normalfags, if you want to "escape the matrix" then first off start thinking for yourself and stop taking meme garbage on the net seriously

 No.205320


 No.205334

>ive really fucked up my head trying to be someone i am not

Then stop pretending you're some "out-of-matrix wiser being" only cause you're into a fucking facebook meme. Now go back to 4chan please

 No.205339

is this rp or troll? either way this thread should be deleted.

op , if you're young as you say you are, you should still have resources available for mental health. if you think you have no freedom now, wait til you're no longer a teenager.

 No.205662

>>205313
>i chose to focus on myself before trying nofap again but ive really fucked up my head trying to be someone i am not
fapping is the byproduct of sitting around all day, not the other way around. if you truly want to stop fapping you have to go outside.



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 No.202551[Reply]

I just can't get over how little willpower I have.

I wanted to pull an all nighter to fix my sleep schedule but I already feel like going to sleep and it's still morning. I thought about having a short nap at least but I am almost certain I will then sleep through again.

Since I feel like shit all the time fixing my diet is an important step but cooking anything but a frozen meal overwhelms me. I tried to eat some simple healthy food like frozen vegetables but they taste so bland that it makes eating a chore.

I thought I could at least get some supplements but I have no drive to research them and you need to do research since there is so much bullshit being sold.

I should also exercise but even walking to the supermarket nearby feels like work.

I just don't know how am I supposed to get out of this hole if I don't have the willpower.
32 posts and 3 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.202649

>>202617
> You can find all these books on Library Genesis (http://gen.lib.rus.ec/).
Thanks!

 No.202674

>>202622
This was well written. It's just part of our nature, and it's hard to fight it, just being here proves something. My relative is a textbook wizard, he actually does the whole self-improvement thing really well, but he'll never post here and we've never been on the same wavelength.
I've accepted more things in life when I cast aside the whole "life has to be good" conditioning. Life's already the first circle of purgatory, and I'm here to suffer and repent.

 No.202686

>>202630
Seems like surface-level conscious thoughts. You want to get at the heart of how you feel and verbalize that. It's easy to just answer intellectually without really digging in deep into how you feel and give plausible rationalizations for your behavior. You need to target things that are emotionally potent for you.

Try exploring this theme of "incompetency" and where it comes from, specific experiences and memories, the people involved etc. I guess the most important thing to keep in mind is that nothing you do/think/feel is accidental and is always the result of some kind of internal logic. It might surprise you that some of your "irrational" behavior is considered a lesser evil in your mind than some other alternative. Why would your mind keep telling you that you're incompetent? Because it serves some twisted purpose to you that you are not aware of.

I can't do the process for you, not because of some "you must walk your own road, grasshopper" kinda cliche, but because the bumping into your own truth and connecting all the dots corresponds to an actual physical process that is fundamental for change (see MR process as described by Ecker). It's also extremely difficult for me to guess your situation.

All I can do is point people towards these books. Not everyone has the patience or capacity to go through this, but in my time reading about psychology, I've yet to see a theory that makes sense on all levels and that had as much impact on me. No one else can "cure" you, there's no shortcut into insight without careful self-observation and learning about how your mind works. Also, when it comes to exploration, there's no single method for it, it's up to you and how creative you are.

 No.203204

>>202578
I've reached a breaking point today brother, I haven't cried this much in awhile. I tried making music today like I always do and everything made sense. It's not necessarily the music part that made me anxious, it's the fact that I have direct control over something (idk if that makes sense). I'm starting to become a lot more aware of who my subconscious actually is and why those decisions he made were necessary.

 No.205273

>>202594
I have a very similar relationship with alcohol. It is difficult for me to enjoy any leisure time unless I consume alcohol. Not because I enjoy drinking it's just that I can't stand the intrusive thoughts that creep in.



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 No.205037[Reply]

How do you deal with the fact that you're going to die alone? Whether by your own hand or by circumstance.
I often feel like I have a hole in me which cannot be filled anymore. Even if I had a father or a best friend or a girlfiend, I feel like I would feel be more of a burden on them.
I have some much neglect, I feel like I've missed out on so much and yet I just can't even imagine a scenario where I'd be truly happy.
5 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.205261

scared of dying alone

wizchan 2019 everybody

 No.205265

>>205261
Hold me, wizzie san

 No.205267

>>205254
Living alone is the potentially distasteful problem, not dying alone. As long as I don't suffer as I die, I don't mind if I die alone or not. You're holding onto the illusion that other people can fill the hole you have. In reality, they just end up being exciting distractions, and they take away much more than they give. Humans are selfish, superficial creatures by nature, only an ultra small minority of them even try to transcend above human nature. Your disappointment will only be bigger after you realize that %99.9 of people you meet don't even pretend to care, they just want to get it over with so they can take advantage of you as much as possible and discard you. Does this scenario scare you, or do you find this end satisfying or fulfilling? Or would you rather keep being alone and accept the fact that you're alone, and find solace in that fact? Indeed, which is better?

You think that being alone is the state that you can feel the most lonely at. In reality, (unless you are a larping normalfag) other people will make you feel lonely so much that your inclination to self-destruct will heighten to the levels that you didn't think it was possible to even reach, let alone occupy that state as your usual state of mind.

>>205261
Noone is above or beyond human nature, wizards are not those who don't possess human nature, they are those that transcend it.

 No.205269

Everybody dies alone, wiz. Dying isn't the kind of event you can really share with others. Are you afraid people will not mourn you? But that's just egoistic.

People that agree to be with someone in a daily basis, even through difficult times, are those who really can experience care and love. These feelings are always good for both parts. It's not about being a burden, it's about being human.

There's no recipe to happiness, but your mindset is certainly a fundamental ingredient on this achievement – with this I'm not trying to suggest that you should fake an optimism you do not feel, but maybe there is more to life than what you experience now? Anyways, curiosity can help.

If you cannot shun recurrent pessimistic feelings and thoughts about life, I reccommend you to search some kind of pyschological support. You can start from there.

I wish you the best, wizzy.

 No.205270

>>205038
I'm already there. How much longer do I have left realistically at this point? Is there even a way to gain back interest or motivation? I'm too much of a pussy to kill myself.



 No.205175[Reply]

>And what loving-kindness, oh Lord, what loving-kindness I felt at times in those dreams of mine! in those "flights into the sublime and the beautiful"; though it was fantastic love, though it was never applied to anything human in reality, yet there was so much of this love that one did not feel afterwards even the impulse to apply it in reality; that would have been superfluous. Everything, however, passed satisfactorily by a lazy and fascinating transition into the sphere of art, that is, into the beautiful forms of life, lying ready, largely stolen from the poets and novelists and adapted to all sorts of needs and uses. I, for instance, was triumphant over everyone; everyone, of course, was in dust and ashes, and was forced spontaneously to recognise my superiority, and I forgave them all. I was a poet and a grand gentleman, I fell in love; I came in for countless millions and immediately devoted them to humanity, and at the same time I confessed before all the people my shameful deeds, which, of course, were not merely shameful, but had in them much that was "sublime and beautiful" something in the Manfred style. Everyone would kiss me and weep (what idiots they would be if they did not), while I should go barefoot and hungry preaching new ideas and fighting a victorious Austerlitz against the obscurantists. Then the band would play a march, an amnesty would be declared, the Pope would agree to retire from Rome to Brazil; then there would be a ball for the whole of Italy at the Villa Borghese on the shores of Lake Como, Lake Como being for that purpose transferred to the neighbourhood of Rome; then would come a scene in the bushes, and so on, and so on
i cannot watch an anime or read a book of fiction without feeling the urge to pause every 5 or so minutes and insert myself into one of the plot lines or themes which would give me unbridled control over the feelings of others; to be a savior or a hero whom others prostrate themselves before you begging for recognition only to be callously and obstinately ignored, accumulating fervid emotion for you in the hearts of those once commanding figures now willingly coerced into submission by the awesome power of your character- i feel i am more alive in my wildest dreams than i am actually living my life

 No.205230

Have you read The Book of Disquiet yet?

 No.205232

If you get good enough at daydreaming it becomes indistinguishable from regular dreaming. It's pretty neat.

 No.205240

maladaptive?



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 No.205115[Reply]

I was reading a thread about drug addiction and someone said that you never stop being an addict and the only way is to stay away from drugs as it only takes one taste to go back to using them. Many agreed.

This made me think: is it possible that I have an addiction to comfort? I am not addicted to any drugs or even the internet or video games or porn. I have no problems living without these things. But I have to be cozy. Maybe this explains why all my self-improvement attempts quickly fail when I decide to sleep a bit longer, not go out jogging in cold weather, go to bed instead of doing something on my checklist…

But how can I quit comfort? I biologically need sleep. I need to eat. My body needs normal temperatures. It's not like a drug that is not necessary for survival and can be avoided.

Any ideas? Am I even on the right track?
7 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.205142

Take cold showers or something. Comfort is all good that's left in this shitheap of a world.

 No.205150

"Delayed comfort is more comfortable."

Try to think about this when trying to do something uncomfortable.

 No.205200

you're doing olympic level mental gymnastics. you're at least getting a bronze metal with this performance. what you are suffering from is called "being a giant pussy". The cure is very simple: stop it

 No.205201

its a totally rational reaction to this world. if you are a thoughtful and sensitive human being there is no other way to exist in this world, you have to power down, easier to fap that to withstand the stupidity in this crazy world.

 No.205209

>>205200
>>205128
Go back to 4chan or whatever shithole you come from.



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 No.204765[Reply]

“The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, "is to learn something. That's the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then — to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn.”
3 posts omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.204955

>>204790
>aim
>profit
where is aim or profit in anything? think before posting

 No.205166

I cant find anything i want to learn

 No.205167

>>205166
learn how to suffer

 No.205168


 No.205190

>>204790
I agree.



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 No.201555[Reply]

I don't know if there is a name for it but here is how I feel.

1. I hate my personality and my current life situation.
2. I feel too weak to change it.
3. I hate myself for being so weak.
4. I start wondering if I am really weak/depressed or if that's just an excuse and my personality sucks at a deep core.
5. I hate myself even more for being so devious to excuse my shitty personality with a mental illness.
6. I start wondering if thinking like this isn't just a part of depression.
7. I get even angrier at myself for looking for more external excuses.
8. I decide I need to stop looking for external excuses and start acting right.
2. I feel too weak to change myself.
repeat…

How do I leave this spiral? I feel like I can't trust my thoughts since they come from my faulty mind. Whether it's really depression or just a bad personality any thought will not be objective.

I don't know who to ask. I can't just go to a therapist and be like "can you quickly resolve this problem for me?" you need an appointment and it takes months to get one. So I ask here but then again no one here will care for my personal problem since you are not getting paid for it. So idk maybe someone felt like this and could share some thoughts?
9 posts and 1 image reply omitted. Click reply to view.

 No.205177

you leave the spiral by changing how you react to things, or introducing something new

 No.205178

>>201555
These are just your thoughts. Thoughts come and go and in no way should define who you are. You already seem to have a metaview on your the thinking inside of you. Next step is to detach your emotions from your thoughts.

 No.205181

File: 1565134677069.png (345.4 KB, 598x568, 299:284, ClipboardImage.png) ImgOps iqdb

>>201555
Stop giving too much attention to your thoughts and emotions. Seriously, I cannot emphasize enough how trivial, pointless and unimportant most things you feel/think are. They really aren't worth jackshit. Here is a practical advice.

Pick something(a job, an errand, or a task) and give your full attention to it. This could be studying math or washing your hands, or it could be you walking up to the fridge to grab some cool water. As you do so, give your full attention to it and try to be in the present moment as much as possible. Don't think about anything else. Just focus on the task at hand as much as you can. You might not succeed in this as much as you wanted. Doesn't matter. Simply observe how you feel about failing and move on. Do this as much as you can in a day.

Moving on, should any thought and emotion come up as you're engaging in this practice, instead of getting caught up in it, simply allow the thought or emotion to be, and observe it without judging,analyzing, or criticizing. Let the thought be. Allow it to be there. It's not a big deal.

If you are serious about improving your life situation, you start with this right now. Don't fucking procrastinate it. Procrastination always leads to itself. You either do it now or you don't do it at all. It's your choice.

 No.205183

>>205181
This.
Do this, OP.
Study a new language.

 No.205188

File: 1565136684010.jpg (95.32 KB, 1024x682, 512:341, DdTJ7zfU0AAPdxp.jpg) ImgOps iqdb

I felt the same way. I've been trying to make improvements these past 4 months. Here is what I can offer as advice through my own experience as an 8 year hikki.

Eliminate addictive activities; for me it was video games and porn. Some aspect of playing addictive video games was how it worsened the need to consume more porn.
Eliminate addictive foods: carbohydrates, processed foods and sugar.
Personally I stopped following politics; I need to first direct that energy to heal myself first and foremost.

Monitor your own thoughts; over a few months, if you make a true effort, you can develop a healthier mind set. You need to actively correct yourself for a few months. That is why I suggest you eliminate unproductive distractions so you can focus on resolving inner turmoil you're experiencing.

Implement healthier habits that you believe will uplift your mood in the long term.
For me: Learning Chinese, waking up at 5-5:30am, body weight exercises, reading books, making healthier diet decisions and water fasting.



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 No.205174[Reply]

whenever I think about something I always imagine myself in therapy talking to people, doesnt matter theme I always go to that place in my daydreams and it makes me desperate that I cant let go and I only think about it

>Whats your go to memory that wont let go?

and if youhave this, how do you forget/move on?

Its like nightmare that wont let go after 5 years and counting


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