/dep/ - Depression

I wasted my youth locked up, and with the screen as the only company. it's not something I wanted or chose, but that's how things were. I knew I could never make up for lost time, and I thought that by sorting out my financial life and earning a lifetime income at an early age, I could achieve freedom and live once and for all.
I started this when I was 16, it was supposed to be a 5 year plan, investing, and saving everything. Now that time has passed and I have 3 months to go before turning 22, I was unable to achieve my goals. I only got a third of the way to achieve them due to my indiscipline. I have the ability and the means to be a great businessman, but the determination and discipline of a child.

The sad part is that you realize that the most important capital is not in the land, money or a vehicle, a man's most important capital is his knowledge, something I don't have, living in agonizing ignorance. There really is no better feeling than coming home with a wad of cash, and seeing your entire house slowly fill up with boxes and more boxes. When you see what you have built, And even though in reality everything remains the same, there is a really nice feeling of growth.

If you're feeling unhappy or down or depressed, come to this thread and draw an oekaki
some will remember the last oekaki threads 2-3 years ago made by me, here's a new one haha

I have no hobbies or activities I like. Also currently a neet, I spend all my time in bed. What are some things i can do that will stop the rot

You realise they remove wisdom teeth so you can't connect your body to your head properly and it ruins your breathing tone of voice and posture? For the love of god find somebody willing to replace your wisdom teeth. Say that it's for cosmetic reasons or some shit. You all deserve to be happy. Your depression is from shit breathing ability. God bless the anons.

>found myself surfing the web, as usual
>some chat group of anti-breeders
>talking about men beyond 30 who still live with mom
>suddenly feeling attacked
>putting myself in the place of the opposite person, as I sometimes do to cope
>found that pessimism helps me a lot against many peer pressure moves
>like this:

Imagine cucking yourself to a mortgage while wageslaving to be liked by a succubus who starts by asking you to spend half your money on her fuzzy social life and ends up cheating on you because you were too exhausted from wageslavery to even enjoy sex or parties or whatever, just because you found too ashaming to stay with mom in the eyes of people you don't even know you dislike. No doubt she'd try to keep the house for herself after breaking up, while crying bitchly lies to everyone about how it was your fault and how much you mistreated her.

anyone else pretend in their heads to be in the same or similar position as a nation's dictator, such as putin?

everyone around you must treat you with respect, you have total command over much of the world that surrounds you, only have to keep up high power public appearances - but beyond that you can retreat into social solitude, can experience unmatched luxury without thinking of costs

i sometimes walk around my house handshaking the air

i dont talk to anyone irl or online

Have you ever dealt with crazy family members trying to destroy your life? My aunt is a sadistic psychopath and together with her fiance she enjoys harassing me and my parents. After a quarrel almost a year ago she claimed she will destroy us. Unfortunately we live next to each other so it's impossible to avoid her. She already has a history of odd behaviour, she is unemployed and has a lot of free time on her hands. Every week or so she tries to initiate some kind of conflict. Sometimes she just shows middle finger, sometimes she talks crap so everyone can hear her, sometimes it's other things like snooping on us, stealing mail or bringing random junk close to our border. Yesterday when I told her to shut up her fiance rushed at me, grabbed me by my shirt and I punched him in the face. I already tried contacting police when he threatened to kill me and my parents but they didn't care.

I don't even know how to elaborate the sheer brutalness of life, I am so tired of being poor and be dependent upon my parents like a cuck. The state has no concept of neetbuxx. I have completed my degree, and I am sick of getting rejected from interviews, dancing all day long on LinkedIn out of the all fucking websites in the world, begging recruiter here and there. Changing my CV again and again, I do this all day, only to get an offer of a job that pays nothing, that wouldn't even qualify as stipend for internships.

Meanwhile, succubi in my college, particularly good looking succubi have no problem in life, they get paid so much, and get hired at an instant cause they look cool. They are truly untouchable. The new caste system is based upon looks and gender. With gender being the varna, and looks being your jaati. I don't usually get upset at things in life, as I have decided to not kill myself (maybe because of cowardice or simply it's rather unnatural), so the only logical conclusion is to improve the quality of my life that I am gonna live.

But today is one of those days, where you truly feel defeated and raped. It's quite remarkable how different my life is from an average bitch, who starts having sex at 15, travels the world, sleeps with whoever she wants, looks pretty, gets a job just for existing, good at socialising, sports, academics, etc. due to being in an extreme positive feedback loop. And most importantly despite of the cope that goes around in the online spaces, they are happier than the most.

Meanwhile, I have nothing, I don't care for relationships anymore cause damage is already done, but I can't even live a decent life alone and can't get a fucking job. A cunt who studied with me, got a job today for 11LPA INR (13K USD/YR) which is extremely good for India. Meanwhile, I can only get job a few job offers for (2K USD/YR), I mean what the fuck is this? Am I supposed to work 12 hours a day and six days a week for this, all while she goes around pilpuling her bosses and working for just 6 hours a day, 4 days a week?

This can't go on man, I can't live my like this, I don't know but this can't go on, this is wrong. I have legitimately not felt angry for like 3 years but today I really fucking am pissed of, my head hurts, I am just so fucking upset that I can't even cry, like what the fuck did I ever do to anyone to deserve this retarded fate.

I hate the fact that I have to put so much effort into tPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Do you think growing up with video games ruined me?

I can't help but get angry at how life is a roguelike game with a randomly generated starter character you only get to play once. Fucked up your health permanently through bad decisions? Too bad you have to live with it even if you now have a healthy lifetyle. Found a new passion in life? Too bad you are now too old to pursue it. Want to study math? Well too bad you were born with a low IQ…

I just hate how you can get locked out of certain routes in life as time goes on or they were locked from the start. I hate how you have no control over what thoughts you get so you can waste your youth doing dumb shit only to realize it once you are an adult and the damage has been done.

I should just focus on what I can change and on the future but I can't help but feel frustrated over this. I can't help but feel envy towards those who managed to be in the right place and make the right decisions to end up with an amazing life and be frustarted at my past self for being so careless.

I'm so fucking ugly and disgusting
It's painful to look myself in the mirror
I wanna kill myself