/dep/ - Depression

Will probably delete this but had a terrible week (not that I'm not used to it by now) but I was asked to take care of a cat for someone down the street and the first week everything went fine. I fed it emptied the litter box but one night I accidentally left the garage door it used to get in and out too high and noticed something else got in. Since then I haven't seen the cat but last night (almost 2 weeks after) I found the poor things body underneath where he sleeps. I had only gone over twice in about a week and a half due to a cop giving me a speeding ticket for going 7 over the speed limit and my boss at work saying I had to meet for disciplinary action but refusing to say why other than my "behavior". I feel so bad that I killed someones pet and don't know what to do. I had also just planned my first vacation ever after over a decade of wage slaving but I can't take it now because I would be staying with the persons pet I killed for 2 weeks. I was honestly having a hard time not wanting to kill myself as it is and now I just don't know what to do. Cats have been one of the few things that have ever been nice to me and I killed one being irresponsible and preoccupied with my own problems, I feel so bad having killed someones pet kitty.

36 years old Wizard here with Schizophrenia living with mom (dad died a long time ago) I don't have any qualifications or income I am disabled and there is no NEETbux in my under developed country my hairline is receding due to how much I stress on my future in every single hour once my mom passes away I will be beyond doomed nobody in my family will support me they all live far away and they can barely support their own survival let alone to support another useless eater my mom already has health issues but nothing too severe (yet) is it possible to turn my life around in this late ago? people say "it's never too late" God I wish my parents never gave birth to me I heard stories og people who spent decades in prison and left by their 40s and still ended up starting a business and buying a house but I can tell it's an abnormal case once you enter your 30s without any skills qualifications or are capeable of work the chance of you being capeable of turning your life around becomes too small.

To value or not to value, To care or not to care, Do we truly care that much about our value that we defend it with any possible way, But to what extent ? What will we garner from showering with praises and value, A temporary feeling of having worth ? It all fades away after a period of time and you have to do that all again, Like anything in life, Everything fades away, That love that disillusioned you at that first sight fades away after 1 month if the other person doesn’t reciprocate, That’s the same as your value, If you don’t give more to your value then the other person will just get bored, Boredom is our nemesis in this world.
We truly love to wallow in our shit and feces and believe that we’re different than the other person, That we’re different than the other insipid and superficial people, But that’s the same as the other barn of shit that others pile in too and believe they’re better than you, All in for the same ending, For the same pointless and meaningless argument to escape the feeling of being “normal”, of being “mid”, of not having any specialities in this World, We fear that we will be perceived as lower, But in reality the damage is already done, We literally diminish our principles in other to not be perceived as lower by others, That’s just wallowing in the shit of the other person. For what is the worth of a person who died right now as you’re reading this ? For what is the worth of a person living in extreme poverty ? A person living in harsh condition, or someone getting tortured by the mafia right now.. Etc, They have more value than people who consider themselves high and almighty, Hell even a garbage collector holds more value than anyone who has “Villas, Cars, money… etc” Because they’re exploring life in their own condition, And the garbage collector is doing something for society, We just give value to ourselves because we’re pitiful and rely so much on another person’s praise to not fall, But you will fall and the fall will be so hard that you will cease to exist in another person’s eyesight. You can easily trick others by giving them value and watch them as they spiral down into madness when you cease to give them any value, People are evil, They rely on others to give them a shoulder to be another’s shoulder and when that shoulder carrying them ceases to exist, they fall because they were used to standing on the other’s shoulder.

Do you have good or bad experiences in your host country or do you feel accepted or tolerated in the society of the country? Have you had problems because you were a foreigner? Can you tell us about them?

Does anyone else live like they will have another chance at life despite not being religious? I am so displeased with my starting point in life and how much better others have it without needing to put in any effort that I mentally checked out and have been a low-effort hedonist focusing on being comfortable with the least effort in the moment. Like refusing to play an unbalanced game. But there is no alternative, no one is going to balance life. I'm still in disbelief that this will be the only way I get to experience life. Born in times of great technological progress and opportunity but unable to enjoy it.

i'm 27, i live with my parents, i don't have a job and to be honest i don't give a fuck anymore. i would have wanted to move out 5 years ago, when i had a ton of ambitions, but my fuckin overprotective mother didn't give me a hint of freedom. now they hate me just for being. like everyone else. i used to be good at history and wanted to move in that direction, and now i'm NEET who spends all my free time on the internet and goes to the store once a week. i hate them for not letting me realize myself in a life that i don't see any point in right now.
thank u mom

i have no reason to live anymore. ask me anything.

- no, i will not kill myself
- yes, i have tried hobbies
- no, i am not diagnosed with depression

How old are you? What brought you to where you are? What prevents you from changing?

Last time I mentioned that I have 2 weeks to kms someone asked if I have a test or something in school. Let me tell you something interesting. I won't talk about my life story but I will enlighten you how bad life can get and what real suicide out of necessity means.
I will tell you only the immediate reasons of my forced suicide:
1. Sick with infinite diseases and often in such pain that I want to stab myself or jump out the window. Can't eat walk make money or function for years due to this. Feel like I can die at any moment. I've been shitting black last few days which means internal bleeding.
2. I am broke and in infinite debt cause I chose to pursue treatment instead of paying taxes. I also lied to get money loaned to me because I needed it for drugs so I don't end up lobotomized. Its only a matter of time until they put me in prison.
3. I have a benzo addiction, if I don't take at least 10mg Xanax daily and skip one day I will have a grand mal seizure which will kill me or leave me with brain damage.
4. Stuck forever without a room or meter of space my whole life due to mentally retarded family.
…etc I probably forgot half but by now you should know the drill. Life took almost everything from me and I didn't do anything for a long time so I wouldn't call this living anyway. Only thing I have left is freedom of choice to die now or lose it and suffer a thousand times more and die later. I will die at age of 28 in 2024 via train guillotine or fail and become a vegetable. I have only one try and time is not on my side.

Do you think normies could ever accept us or even tolerate us for real? It's obvious that absolute majority people is repulsed by a NEET lifestyle, failed dating/life/work experience, motivational or existential problems. Do you think there's a space for us to exist at all? Is it acceptable, is it planned for? Or we are truly just the trash of the world that should be cut out from society the sooner the better?