No.289347[Reply]
I used to be obviously depressed. I knew I was miserable, and it showed.
I've grown accustomed to my loneliness or something, but these days I'm mostly fine - I get on with whatever I'm doing, and am usually pretty content.
this can go on for weeks, I'm fine being on my own, then some sort of trigger event happens
then suddenly, I'm as miserable as i ought to be. I'm a 32 year old, friendless, khv with no prospects, zero drive to do anything worthwhile, just marking time. i realize how awful this is, and how awful the rest of it is going to be
and im crying, whinnying and my thoughts are racing at 4000mph and im going to kill myself - this time i'm actually going to do it, i make screaming noises and sometimes i punch myself
and just as quickly as it came on, i'm back to normal
it feels like stepping out of a sauna. very sudden relief
the box gets slammed shut and im completely fine again
i am fine, but i feel like one day i'm going to explode
35 posts omitted. Click reply to view. No.290105
>>289500Normalfags, despite what they say about their IQ and hard work, actually do things naturally because they have support networks, friends, nepotism, etc.
No.290106
>>290105>i have a dumbest shittiest family i know>i am the biggest loser i know
>a person who can tell what they want, who has career and gf and shit>look up their family>it's a normal good familyI think I just lucked out on spawn, my family gave me bad genes and brain damage when parents divorced.
No.290107
>>290106some of my first memorys are of my parents being violent toward eachother
No.290108
>>290107me too. i can literally remember by father hitting my mother against the wall, them throwing stuff at each other, i remember when cops were called. i remember that fear of being alone with the father, of being noticed by him. i have some good snippets of memory too, but they are mostly connected to escapism and being by myself, like watching tv or playing vidya or some other shit. simply epic. i think we've genuinely been screwed, friend.
No.291452
>>289347Drink your own tears, always.
Also, focus on something that may enrage you, this might compensate such schizoaffectivity.
If none of these thing work, you can always try the shock therapy and go in for all:
https://www.holotropic.com/holotropic-breathwork/about-holotropic-breathwork/