/dep/ - Depression

>>305097
Thank you for being with me.
See, I used to hear on how the lack of vitamin D ruins the mood for the Finnish people. I understand when a Saint-Petersburg guy lacks the money to buy some cod liver, but the Finns??? Thank you for explaining the need for proper meds-like vitamins D

Regards, OP




>>305097
>The downside of this is that I cannot blame fatigue for my lack of interest in developing my skills…

ugh? uh? Your job, mate? Your title?
Coulda help you a li'l bit at that I guess

If you work at some gov't job, you will feel empty a bit from the very nature of strict gov't jobs, "by the book" and stuff… If not, please tell so I could some looking up.

>that's a psychological issue no ammount of money will solve.
Ah, sometimes you just need some *edutaiment* videos that explain your things in fun manner rather than bold manner. Coulda ask a chatty for some fun channels to larn something *adjacent* to the skills you already have

>>305093
>to steel my nuts, lol?
:D

>anyway what does iron do?
hmmmmm… blood cells use Fe+ ion to contain, to "grab"/"hold" oxygen.

Less ferrum in your body means less Fe+ atoms are ready to parttake in your fresh blood generation.

Thing is, one's blood cells can only be used for mere weeks and then it gets recycled by your own body. The efficency is around 40%, if I remember it right.

Therefore, your body needs iron to make new blood as your body keeps destroying old blood cells with Fe atoms going down the drain.


>will it help me not feel like somebody's trying to crush my neck when anxiety hits? i'm fucked up enough that anxiety feels like a very physical thing

Hmmmmmm… Iron deficency and anxiety can be interlinked.

Some random words on top of that:
"inflatable neck collar", the thing's under 5$
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My family wants me to go full-on vegan for, roughly, a month. This has been happening, well, around every season.

I reckon going full vegan will turn me into a soywiz. I can't stand going vegan then going un-vegan then going vegan back and forth.

1) What do? Sneaky approach or clash with my family?

2) Can I claim such a diet - and the stress from the fact I've been *shunned into* taking it - has been ruining my mental health in case I request help and get some "how come a dude like you have problems? You're just faaaat".

>>305097
I'd suggest it's an issue where you are either aware of, or have been conditioned to, see said skills as useless. Perhaps not in the immediate sense in that maybe you could weld a beam or something, but having the skill of welding a beam is pointless without a suitably "nutritional" context to apply it.

This one is something i've encountered recently; I could get all the raises I wanted, get promotions and take on more work at work - it didn't actually change anything in my day to day life for the better. When I found tax efficient investment, a working context where each day was tangibly better than the last as a consequence of the work done, and so on, life got better.

Don't ignore your environmental nutrion - in the sense of what you are exposed to every day in the work place psychologically. "I put in 14 hours a day for months on end and I got not fired" is a strong signal to your body not to bother. If what you're doing doesn't actually make life better, why do anything more than the bare minimum is a perfectly rational strategy if your life is devoid of opportunity for significant change and positive feedback.

>>305097
I sure hope this will solve my problem of inaction as well.
I'm getting a blood test for vitamin D because I was like might as well see if it was really low before I supplement if that makes sense.
I hope I'm low on some nutrients or something so I can at least hope for salvation.
>that's a psychological issue no ammount of money will solve.
Unfortunately an outcome I also dread. Maybe I'm too old for this shit. New tricks old dogs or whatever.

>>306133
Ouch.

OK. advice B.

1. Put on "muzak" background music
2. Use funny "bone cunductivity" headphones
3. ??????
4. You now have a device that streams cute background music (not UNCE UNCE UNCE UNCE stuff, but rather, 40 Year Young and such kind of muzak)
5. You *may* experience some kind of relief
6. MAYBE your ears will mellow out. You know, I suspect your tinnitus is like that "phantom pain" phenomenon.

>>306139

>Everything is a lie, and saying the truth in a world full of lies is crazy. Ever noticed how the whole psychiatric and psychological sector is fundamentally based on a lie? It assumes that life is good you just have to see it that way through a healthy mind and it proclaims that you have to change yourself to see the good life, and this is the lie.

The real catch is, the very definition of "life is good" changes over time. Go and eat some L-carnitin rich stuff like eggs…

>>306142
I've done hundreds different tinnitus therapy songs and it doesn't work when I concentrate on something. The thing's so loud that it only add noises if I put the volume up to cover it. I've already bought the bone conductivity thing months ago.

Nowadays I just avoid doing anything that requires concentration (except for the important stuff), that's the only way to keep it low but the lack of stimuli is making me depressed.

The only silver lining is that it forced me to take care of my health in an attempt to reduce it.

>>306145
>I've done hundreds different tinnitus therapy songs
NOPE! You blast "muzak" as your background work music.
>Nowadays I just avoid doing anything that requires concentration (except for the important stuff), that's the only way to keep it low but the lack of stimuli is making me depressed.

Plan C.
Magnesium L-threonate did some good things for me recently.

Plan D. Vitamin D, aqua form + some multivitamin complex. Also, fish in general.
Thing is, I had some *mild* tinnitus for months, and eating good food kinda made it go away.

>>304361
It's lonely being a superior being.

>>305927
yes bully memories still haunts me after more than a decade.

>Being me
>got a job
>everything is ok for the first time in my entire life
>speak to coworkers
>after some months coworkers begin to act WAY too familiar. like, a lot

>begin to throw shit at each other, me included

>one of them point out a delicate situation about me not going to work past week

it hurts
he laughs
everyone laughs
i fucking wish him to shut the fuck off
got so much shit inside me so I cant figure a way of resolving this withouth violence

my instincts are telling me to throw a punch as revange for all those years being bullied in highschool
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>>306098
1. You probably should switch your current job to night shifts.
Your excuse: "traffic jams finally got me".

2. If fails, switch jobs, but only once your "night shifts" plan failed.

Your excuse: "past jobs was about night shifts. Unfortunately, the windows get too much sunlight in the morning and I just cannot sleep from all the light and heat."

>>305927
Not quite like this, but yeah, I get the general sentiment.
Abused kid, everyone knew about my situation, small village, was bullied as a result, like, major life changing stuff at multiple points in life.
Was a nervous wreck, never quite adapted. Never quite got a fresh start either.

I changed schools 3 times by the time I was 18 and always there was at least a few people who "followed me" as they also changed schools.
These people often weren't the bullies themselves, but soon enough they told my tale and presented me as a social offering to the new tribe if that makes any sense.
They used my past torment and my weakness as a gateway to fitting in themselves. So I never really had a chance on my own merit.

To this day I'm haunted, it happens at at work too if you are unlucky. Contrary to popular belief the "bad bully" wont be your subordinate and you the boss later like my mom used to say.
A loser stays a loser because of the learned behavior patterns and developed character. The bullies are socially apt, they usually rise up.
Ironically enough I had the misfortune of meeting some when I was forced out of neetdom. You can guess how that went.

>>305940
This here is probably the worst of it.
Life is just one eternal highschool. I'm glad to have read your post. Said well and concise.
My mother is the same as me and lived through much humiliation too.
When I was younger I didn't understand why she was so nervous about how we present ourselves, but yeah later on this happened to us too and now I get it.
In an apartment complex you can get screwed in so many ways if the others sense blood in the water, weakness or whatever.
If there is a pre-existing clique and you make one mistake at work as well, you'll suffer. Same everywhere.
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>>305927
God I fucking hate people from HS

>>305927
Just wanting to be left alone is my primary goal in life. Too much trauma.

I disagree only if dreamless sleep dreams are another form of torture designed by the filthy creator

>>305896
>idk about that. think about how we live in an industrial world. we're like cats locked in a flat. you know actually unless you sterilize your cat it'll go insane locked in the house. same with dogs for that matter. i think that's what's happening to people. you can't live like this unless you're castrated, but castration isn't an option is it. so yeah for us at least it's just suffering out there

I knew it.

>you can't live like this unless you're castrated, but castration isn't an option is it
It's not an option here because it's "untraditional".

i feel the same way. i hate who i have become. i am truly disgusting

>>306154
I think society is way more disgusting than any of us.

We owe nothing to the world.

>>306161
Fully agree. I may be a worthless jack of shit, but humans are spawns of the Devil. I don't regret not taking part in their grotesque play.

you're in pain, so your self preservation instincts are constantly on high alert. you definitely sleep ok, eat ok and don't overly exert yourself, so that's what keeps things running. i don't know what you're trying to cope with

>>306000
Oh! Nice round number!
Please tell more on St. Aquinas part of the question

>>306128
evil people just are like that and live for it
can you look at someone like Epstein and imagine there is even the tiniest amount of goodness or purity, anything but the ultimate depravity in him?
there is no good guy inside the high school bully, just someone seeking to do nothing but torment
so when they die they go to the ultimate evil and depravity, that is hell

I'm sorry took a while to gather the energy to reply to anything at all, wont reply to everyone, but thanks for contributing regardless.

>>305943
I'm no longer in a state prior to birth nor do I have any recollection of such.
Therefore it is reasonable to fear what comes after, at least in my eyes.

You might be spot on in some sense, I do suffer from quite a lot of ailments as described, but over all I'm sure I'm blessed compared to many.

Suffering is relative.

A strong person might think what I suffer from is nothing.
To me the suffering of a virgin normie is nothing as well, yet some just blow their brains out for not getting a female demon of their own.
Does any of that matter? Not to me. I'm sure it will get worse, I'm sure I'll suffer more as I age, I might even wish for death later.

Still I don't want to be shut down forever. I would prefer to persist, even if just a specter. I don't desire survival I desire to remain, for my awareness to continue for eternity.
For you maybe that counts as this survival instinct too, but I don't believe so.
Wanting pain to stop and wanting to not exist anymore is not the same for me.

>>305956
>you lack the fantasy to think about the unimaginable.
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>>305937
I'm in a similar boat. Life not worth living, but death is a taboo for me. The thought of not existing gives me have anxiety attacks; the thought of eternal existence, good or bad, fills me with dread. I'm a prisoner of my own flesh.

For everyone asking "why drink bro? lol" you sound like normies anyway here's a simple answer:

It stops the self hate and voices in my head, it puts me in a state of relaxation

>>306034
actually if you didn't drink you'd simply die inside and not need substance to cope.

>>306034
>and voices in my head, it puts me in a state of relaxation

Auditory hallucinations kind of voices or endless inner monologues kind of voices? It's not my field, just kinda learned a factoid recently: "auditory hallucinations happen in 4 out of 5 SCH havers".

As for shy people, welp, I remeber reading in some book how some shy people tend to drink "because it helps to be less shy" and BAM! Alcoholism due to tolerance (that's why resolving life issues makes a person a less of shut-in)

I'm pretty lucky I'm such a total lightweight. Liqour is prohibitly expensive due to taxes but I'm able to get properly drunk on beer, doesn't even take a lot. It's probably in large part due to weighing only 57KG (180 cm tall). I just skip meals by sleeping 14 hours a day.
Anyways, I strongly recommend homebrewing. Super cheap to get into and you're able to get ~15% abv drink and get wasted for a dollar or two (less than a dollar for me).

I like drinking but only when I know I'm not going to interact with other people. Sober me knows to be quiet and not say stupid shit I'll regret later. Drunk me does not. Sure feels good though.

>>305744
I know exactly how you feel and I know what the cause is for me: inflammation. My whole body remained in an inflamed state from eating plant matter and carbs for years in the past, preventing me from growing, being healthy, being happy. I lost 7-8 years of my adolesence doing things I could've stopped. I could've eaten better. I could've said no. I was 166cm aswell for several years but I'm 169cm now after making some improvements, but I feel that it's all too late. I'm 23 years old.

The past was an act of robbery against me, I know everything that I lost, all my dreams, my time, the happiness, the opportunities, they are all gone permanently. There is nothing that can be done to compensate for them, nothing that can be done to replace them. I suffered emotional distress and pain from abusers, on top of poor habits built from the kind of environment I was forced to exist in, just to lose the most crucial opportunities forever. I'm angry, I'm angry at my family for giving me garbage to eat and abusing my metabolism, I'm angry at myself for being so weak, I'm angry for being poor. I'm angry.

chillax dudes yer never gonna compete with the 181cm chad no matter how hard you try if you're not 182cm which i for one sure as hell am not. it doesn't destroy your *whole* life, only a part of it. you still can earn money enough for spell ingredients

>>298779
Uh yes? Autism means you are pathologically socially retarded and that destines you to be a loser unless some insane level luck happens to you.

>>305744
I hated NEET life so much, to the point I somewhat prefer being a full time wagie. After 18 my parents would nag me nonstop, wake me up in the middle of the night to remind me to look for jobs in the morning. I was already going too. Then they'd walk away muttering how useless I am. I was ready to end it all. I've estranged myself from my entire family now aside from my parents as I live with them, and we've come to terms now. Hopefully there are no future hiccups, but I'm sure there will be.

>>306124
>Then they'd walk away muttering how useless I am
Was in a similar situation. The twist was that this made me snap at them. Tried to get a long-term job but was rejected. Only manage to get a few temp jobs. Parents got irritated by this and blame me for not trying hard enough.
Eventually had enough of this and screamed at them. told them if they wanted me to have a job so badly then they should do more to help get one! they got angry and responded that they didn't owe it to help me.
Told them they then can shut the fuck up, if they didn't want to help me, that I wasn't interested in hearing what they had to say then . Openly told them to shove it up their asses so I didn't need to hear their retarded nagging.
Their only comeback was that I wouldn't get very far with an attitude like this. that this would only ensure that in the future when people see me do bad, no one will bother to nag/lecture me to do better. If this is how I respond when people complained about me. Told them I could figure thing out for myself and didn't need their dumb nagging and lecture. My dad just said fine see what good that will do you.
While I'm still unemployed, my parents have stopped nagging all together, which did a ton of good for me mentally.

what the fjck is that

>>306108
Not fitting into society brings a lot of practical problems with it which can be intolerable. If you can NEET it up and somewhat insolate yourself from other people, you can be fine, but you will be reminded every time you go outside that you have a target on your back and you will be surprised to see that literal strangers will go out of their way to bully you for no reason. Getting a job or moving up is impossible because your apparent Otherness is so obvious to other people that they will either consciously or subconsciously aim to put you down in your place and not allow you to exist in peace.

Make no mistake, alienation can be quite intolerable. It's not an abstraction, it's very much real. The hivemind can detect you and you will have problems having any kind of life at all.

Dead internet theory.

>>306120
Have you noticed how many new nonsensical threads are being made, then readily abandoned by the OP? It's a simple, yet insidious tactic, they've been using it on 4chan for decades. It worked amazingly well as you can tell.

I'm only going to end myself when shit gets real bad. I intend to waste all my money first, might just NEET it up until I can't live anymore. I did spend some time homeless, and it wasn't fun like I thought it was (I was autisticly dressed in armour and a sword wandering the streets and woodlands)

reverse it once and for all! NO HALF MEASURES AGGHGHRHRHRHRH

>>306039
R U sure it's not lithium?
(While lithium is toxic, they use lithium to treat anxiety… I think.)

>>306039
i like :3

Eat lead

Moved to >>>/b/1033227.

>>305672
Your $3.99 monthly account fee is due today

nothing but pain in my life, soon I will hang myself

not depression related but I'd thought ya'll might like this video.

My mother is a bitch. She literally used to work as a prostitute, then she decided to "settle down" and have kids, but she ended up divorcing raising them alone, me included.
She always abused me, both physically and mentally, she really enjoys putting me down and bringing me to my nerves for her own amusement. When I was little I had genuine fear of her presence, but after observing more her behavior this grew up into just resentment and anger, I hate her and want to keep distance.
What strikes me the most is her jealously, she doesn't want me to talk with other people, and seeing me being nice to other people while I avoid any interaction with her and my family really turns her hysterical.
So her strategy is to accuse me of being either "severely autistic" or an "evil person", and of course humiliating me for being a disappointment to her and not being her expected "ideal of a man", which in her case is accepting I was born just to be her dog, obey her and take care of her during her elderly years.
My only hope for now is either for me to get a job and disappear from their sight completely, or for her to fucking die soon while I take this opportunity to leave, considering the serious declining state of her health due to her morbid obesity and addictions this is somewhat probable.
I just want to be left alone.

>>306025
it is bizarre how much people have kids just to torment them