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File: 1593544170197.jpg (183.5 KB, 1000x788, 250:197, 1366_2000 (2).jpg) ImgOps iqdb


How resist? Every day is a damn hell, I feel like I can't take this life anymore. I have been living practically locked up for no purpose in life but surviving for several years, every time I have tried to improve my life I hit the wall and time progresses in the blink of an eye, I feel like I am drowning in my own mediocrity and I hate myself too much.

I have afraid, I don't want to grow old and realize how I spent my whole life doing nothing all because of my damn anxiety and inability to live in this society.

How are the most experienced wizards able to live a similar life without blowing their damn head? (I admire these guys) each day is so frustrating and repetitive over and over, that when I least feel it I am crying non-stop, I can't stop crying.

Sorry for mi english.
4 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


life immitates art >>222779


Listen man, he said he was scared of growing old and having wasted his life. So if he's sitting around all day NEETing it certainly won't change that. I'm not saying to go get some dead end job but he clearly should go do something.


>El Salvador
rest in peace, amigo

Go to the US as an immigrant or claim asylum. You can get a job or even join the US military to get free college and I think even citizenship.


If u still can cry it's good, i can't for a long time


the only way is to accept what we are and distract ourselves from reality with sensorial illusions such as music, videogames, books, etc. or you can transcend your state with meditation

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Hi Team,
I need help healing whatever is going on inside of me that is making me have these thoughts:

- I have fantasies (not anything that would ever be manifested in reality) about people I am in disharmony with meeting an untimely death. Even by a hitman's hand.
- I feel extremely happy and relieved when terrible things happen to people that are too successful and not helping me, especially when I feel like they are a part of my peer group or network even in a very extended way
- I want to shame and defame or see it brought upon people who I am either envious or jealous of, and take pleasure in their downfall
- When good things happen to people, I sometimes become very angry and wish for them to fall from grace
- I lie to people or twist the truth so they think more highly of me
- I lie about others to make them seem lesser and myself greater
- When I feel that someone has betrayed me I want bad things to happen to them, I do not want them to succeed, I want to see them suffer

What do I do? It's poisoning me to keep noticing these thoughts and have them eat away at my better nature!
35 posts and 3 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.


It's just the usual Nietzschean shit that gets paraded around on here, even though failing and being pissed off is a normal reaction. Very few people including Nietzsche himself aren't spiteful towards others if they feel screwed. Important to remember that he got burned by Lou Salome and lusted after Cosima Wagner. He also always was upset when he felt his work didn't get proper attention, so the whole "envy/resentment is bad" "eternal return" etc. were just coping mechanisms because the alternative is to be in constant emotional agony in addition to physical agony.


Nein, the alternative is raising yourself
out of your resentment for others and sorting yourself out by taking on responsibility voluntarily.


>one's soul inferior
I hate it when people starts arguing using vague terms like soul, superior or whatever. How would you measure the superiority of one's soul? Why would your method for measuring it be valid and apply to everybody? I am dumb and don't read books but I can at least tell you're using undefinable, emotional experiences as basis for your arguments. Revolving your personality or philosophy around emotions or romanticism isn't necessarily wrong since it's an important part of ourselves but if you're going to argue to enter discussion with other people, using vague terms based on subjective experiences will just makes you talk past each other.

>At least the latter achieves sincerity to himself

And how would you tell it is only the rebel who have achieved sincerity? What if one desire humility and passivity instead? I hope you're not one of those people who believe there is an objective standard to which everybody's experiences and desires can be compared to in order to determine their validity. Just because you find meaning in rebellion or being a child soldier in the middle ages doesn't mean people can't live fulfilling lives doing clerical work and whatnot.


How absurd


A lot of people have a psychological profile like this. It makes me want to fucking vomit.

At least you're self-aware.

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any fellow wizards seriously thought about their life and found out that their Destiny is to die alone, too?

I've become such a dead corps mentally from overthinking how am i going to survive after my parents die…

dying alone on streets…

sorry for the side note, lookism theory, blackpills and being aware of my surroundings destroyed me to the bone.
5 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


Only true wizards die alone


unwizardly and pathetic.


>itt: babbys first thoughts on death


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why lie to your own self? is it even possible? also would be cool if you enlighten us about that tulpa stuff

why you guys mad?

yes indeed mate.


>why lie to your own self? is it even possible?
Why not? we do it everyday thanks to vidya and manga so what changes now?

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 No.220682[Reply][Last 50 Posts]

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
300 posts and 66 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.


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It doesn't matter why but there was a scenario I might have had to move my computer in to the living room and spend a lot more time around my mother. I wasn't against it but she told me she was because I get so angry with her. She said it was a bad idea for us to spend lots of time together.

She is getting old and she does frustrating shit like when I'm helping her on the computer randomly clicks things, or just starts wildly clicking without reading things. Normal frustrating stuff and I know I get frustrated but I try so damn hard to contain it, I try so damn hard to be compassionate and kind. I breathe and accept it happens, I wait patiently, I even say encouraging shit afters like a god damn parent. I try so hard to just be nice and it doesn't matter because the days come where everything hurts and I can't hide how much mental pain minor frustration causes me.

All I want to do in life is my chores and to be a nice person, can't even do that despite trying every day. The world is such a joke that this much effort gets nowhere for the simplest shit. Euthanasia needs to come quick for fuckups man.


>go to do something
>dad picks it apart
>call him out on it
>goes on for ages about how he is always rational and never picks me apart, while finding new ways to pick me apart

Fuck this


No sleep again for me last night. This is the norm now. Only high doses of sleeping pills can get me anything and then it's usually just a couple hours tops. I don't even know how I'm alive right now to be honest with you. I wonder if I'm dying.


For me it's the opposite. I always sleep too much and then feel miserable and drained the whole day. And no kind of alarm gets me to stay up earlier, even when I have to stand up to make it stop I just rush to bed again and fall asleep sooner or later.


Programming mostly

[Last 50 Posts]


How was your childhood like? How was your birth? How was the health of your parents? At what point you "realized" you were no longer a kid and society had expectations of you?

I've just realized, this goes deeper than a shitty childhood and just being socially awkward.

I was born preterm, at 7 months instead of 9. My mom could no longer bare children or some shit like that. Mom had me at 30, dad was 31. Mom was very visibly mentally disturbed, enough for me as a kid to realize she was pulling her hair, smashing her head against the wall and that this was far from being normal. Ever since I was born, I was a sick child.

I don't even have to give you further details of my childhood. My point is, there was never a choice for me. I was designed before I even was born.
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>Be 16
>I've lost 16 years
You mean you're 32 or 16?


I'm 21, but I don't remember anything from before the mental ward, so I did lose 16 years


>what my Mom's boyfriend was doing to me my whole life was mental torture
Did he touch you somewhere?


>wealthy family
>drama school

Interesting how a person under such circumstances ended up here.


Mom had me when she was 40. She's a wonderful succubus, well-respected in her field of work, rational and caring, though she's been very overworked for the entirety of my childhood (that's just the profession, though). Father was (and still is) a chronic alcoholic wreck, which caused a lot of discord at home and eventually a divorce when I was around 14 years old.

Mom's age means that she was already not in perfect health when I was born, and it was also pretty likely that I would be born with anomalies. In fact, as I learned later on in life, she had 2 miscarriages before me, and the docs were worried I might be born with Down's. That one didn't happen, thankfully, but my general health is markedly worse than that of my peers, and always was.
At some point after I was 13 years old, my spine started doing its own thing (during the drowth spurt, I assume), and got entirely fucked. Very heavy scoliosis and kyphosis, I developed a mild hunchback, and was in almost-constant pain. Needless to say, it invalidated any kind of physical activity and also caused me to be "the weird kid" at school, socially isolated and awkward. At 18 years old, we managed to get a surgery to fix it - the spine was straightened out and fixed in palce by titanium rods bolted on along its whole length, for life. I gained 8 cm of height from the surgery, and look pretty normal to an untrained eye - at the price of being completely unable to bend or twist my spine. So, the physical difficulties remain until now, though a bit better than before.
Another consequence of that surgery was that at 18 years old, I was bed-ridden for about two months, then had to go through lengthy rehab, including having to learn to walk again, among several other things. I made the mistake of attempting to go through uni at that time, which I simply had no strength for, and flunked out in the middle of the second year of a 4-year degree.

I'd say that's about it for what I'd consider "childhood-to-early life" phase of my life, because by that point I couldn't ignore the financial implications of all that had happened so far, and my mother was already 60 years old, with no father in the family, so I had to find a job that would accept a disabled dude with no higher ed. I found one after half a year of searching, and have been there ever since. The pay is very low by the local standards and by the profession's standards, and there's no career prospects or anything of the sort, so I've bPost too long. Click here to view the full text.


Is this anhedonia or enlightenment?

I was really into things (music, politics, religion, hobbies), I've always thought there's no meaning in life, it's what you give it. Recently, that's been hitting very hard and I don't want to engage in anything. Nothing seems real so what's the point? You can argue for any political position or justify following some religion but none of them are correct. I don't even want to do my hobbies as much anymore since they just seem like mindless movements or the products of them (an origami bird or a drawing) have no purpose so why should they exist.
6 posts and 2 image replies omitted. Click reply to view.


well you can't even expect such retards to even read the OP before responding anymore, otherwise he would know OP is literally describing anhedonia.
Luckly we still have people like >>222915 who at least read the OP. Don't expect that to be the norm anymore though.


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>well you can't even expect such retards to even read the OP before responding anymore. I'm obviously not an assblasted crab, I got a dark black heart, anyone who isn't edgy like me isn't a wiz


>wizchan 2020
arguing about what is and what is not wizardly in every fucking thread


because it's turned into a combo of anti-fap, nietzsche, and general "just work out brah". literally every braggart sees themselves as some sort of greek statue figure who is choosing wizardry for self-discipline reasons rather than being asocial.


>Is this anhedonia or enlightenment?
Does realization bring you joy or anguish?

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I've been using the internet for close to 2 decades now and for me there's never been a moment where I've actually enjoyed and felt comfortable online. I've never made any friends, never been apart of any communities, (unless you count this one, but it hardly amounts to much for me), and I've never had any good times using it whatsoever. Even from a non-social angle, the internet has never been anything special to me. I have to say that I honestly feel like I'm a complete universe apart from anyone who can actually recall times of enjoying the internet or those who can even just regularly speak their minds online without fear or hesitation. For me, I've never known or been capable of either of those things. It's a combination of being too incapable of handling hostility, being too reluctant to feel at home anywhere, and being too out of touch and tired to know what to say people. For the last couple years now it's gotten really frustrating not having anything I can enjoy or find solace in online. No welcoming chatrooms, no internet buddies, and no stomach or desire for just shitposting at random either.

I feel paralyzed by my own autistic fragility and sense of cluelessness about how to engage with other people, which has only deepened and grown worse with time. I feel desperate for something to call my own, but I lack the sort of innate compass, internal strength or energy to just even put myself out there and engage with others. I also just have no idea of where to go. I sit here each day and I don't have the slightest fucking idea of where to go. I'm so damn out of it that I haven't the faintest idea of where I could even go just try to get to know and befriend other people. Even if I knew, I'd feel overwhelmed being in a chatroom or even just accepting another person's friend request. Let's say I do. Then what would we do? Talk? Talk about what and for how often? Would we share life stories, or just blab about surface level stuff? Would we do other things together, or would we just message each other until the person bailed out of disinterest? All of these things, I just don't know what to do. It's all like trying to learn a foreign language to me, yet my body screams at me each day for some kind of meaningful human engagement. I feel like I could maybe get by if I could just feel comfortable, free and irreverent to the bullshit of others while online and just say whatever I want whenever I want, but I can't even do that. Mostly because I lacPost too long. Click here to view the full text.
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>complain about their dicks
Those are crabs, not wizards. No wizard would care what their dick looks like or if they're circumcised or not. The crabs screeching about their dicks need to be bullied off this site.


Kill yourself.



I see, well fair enough. I remember that tulpa thread in /hob/, but the whole concept mostly just sounded like people wanting to induce a form of psychosis or schizophrenia in themselves, which doesn't sound particularly advisable, even with real people being as awful as they are. In my case, I didn't even have imaginary friends when I was a young kid since, even back then, the thought of talking to someone that wasn't there just sounded way too ridiculous, plus a lack of imagination on my part, which was already somewhat stifled due to the presence of modern entertainment, like video games and such.


I agree that the whole circumcision thing is a pretty dumb topic, (I'm basically in the middle when it comes to the matter and will say that it's a procedure that should probably be done away with, but me and my brother were both circumcised, yet he's about as extroverted as you can get and I think the supposed "trauma" from being circumcised is blown way out of proportion, in my case my life is mostly shit because of autism, OCD and low IQ, not because my dick has less skin on it), but others are often bullied on this site for a lot less than that. Even just claiming that you're lonely, suicidal or generally having a hard time can lead to some pretty vicious bullying taking place. Some particularly mean spirited users here really seem to get a kick out of spitting on other wizards when they're down. To these people I'm referring to, if you're not some unfeeling, dispassionate tough guy stoic, than you're just some pathetic weakling who deserves every awful thing that happens to them. Mere weakness is conflated with being an in-cel, which is just unfair and cruel and, I'd argue, is a subversion of the very nature of what this site is supposed to be. A refuge for virgins, most of whom are abnormal or misfits that struggle with stuff like depression, not unfeeling ubermensch wizchads, who are far and away the minority and who are probably also just LARPing trolls anyway. It's directly sorts like these which need to be cracked down on harder by the mods, instead of them always turning a blind eye to those who take glee in tearing chunks out of wizards in a bad spot, who most of the time don't deserve it.


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The Copefag is immunized against all dangers: one may call him retarded, delusional, an imbecile, it all runs off him like water off a raincoat. But call him a Copefag and you will be astonished at how he recoils, how injured he is, how he suddenly shrinks back: “I’ve been found out.”


Ban this faggot.

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I am probably going to be fired tomorrow. Boss scheduled a "serious meeting", told me to leave the building, and cancelled my password. Obviously I don't have any references so chance of finding a new job is zero. Do I just lie, pretend I'm still working?
14 posts omitted. Click reply to view.


I love it when bosses leave your employment status unclear. So fucking helpful.


some states in the US won't give you unemployment if you were fired. The spectrum of losing your job is quit, fired, layed off, resigned. Only in the layed off range might you get unemployment, but this is usually a state tax on the former employer. My former boss got hellamad at me when I asked if I would be getting any unemployement bux after I told HR I was layed off.


thanks to the "gig" economy everyone is an independent contractor and does not qualify for unemployment benefits.


Are you talking about covid benefits in the USA?
What's the difference between fired/laid off? I believe in most of the world unemployment can be claimed only after your employer terminates your contract.


Not the guy you're replying to but the connotation with "lay-offs" is basically mass redundancies within a business, most often due to budget cuts. People can do nothing wrong and get laid off because the powers-that-be decide it's good for the balance sheet.

Whereas "being fired" usually relates to one individual and it carries a connotation of indiscretion.

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Any wizards getting ECT, TMS, or Spravato?
I've tried dozens of psychiatric medications and therapy techniques. I also tried a bunch of "alternative" treatments (such as acupuncture, sound baths, float tanks, TCM, CST, reiki, ayahuasca, microdosing, etc). None of them worked in the long run.
I got a referral to a specialist earlier this week. I hope something good comes out of it.
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You ever watched the videos and interviews with the authors of coherence theory and found them useful? If you have suggesting them may be more useful for many people here who find it easier to just listen and consume. There are a few generally I was just wondering if you'd seen them.


Yes, I've seen them all. Initially I encountered Niall Geoghegan's video introduction to Coherency therapy on youtube but I didn't find it compelling because it just seemed quite magical and "feel good" without an understanding of the back-end, so to speak. Then I saw Ecker's talk on Memory reconsolidation and it introduced a radically different approach than anything I've read since then and it didn't try to shoehorn a single therapy but made the effort of trying to integrate various modalities and explain why they seemingly worked (even fringe stuff like NLP). Ecker's interviews are also quite informative.

Coherence theory is just one modality and it certainly has its own set of assumptions that make it easier or more difficult to create transformational change, but the real value is in the MR process which isn't tied to any modality. It's a common factor that explains the effectiveness of all therapies, but certain approaches are better at triggering this process than others. Namely, approaches that focus on inner experience and that avoid counteracting symptoms which sets up the perfect environment for creating change - that's mostly what I've been describing so far.

Personally, I think CT is somewhat overly complicated, for therapists but especially for people that try to do it on their own. If you read the case studies, they are filled with a lot of emotional complexity that to me seems like complete fluff, it's people trying to put into words what really doesn't need to be put into words (often sounds like magical thinking). What actually contributes to change is what the person does implicitly with their inner experience. It's that flip I was talking about, zeroing in on a single painful part of a situation and suddenly feeling different about it. Obviously, nobody except the person can describe that but usually even they don't understand what they did.

There's also a series of videos by Dr. Tori Olds on youtube which people might find more educational since they're meant for laypeople. It's very slow spoon-feeding in an almost ASMR voice which I found kind of painful to listen to, but it might be insightful for people that are hearing about these concepts for the first time.

Post too long. Click here to view the full text.


It's at the height of my depression that I started reading and researching solutions because it felt so painful to be alive. I tried to sleep most of the day away in order to avoid rumination and intrusive thoughts and the rest of the time I was daydreaming. I knew that life would be impossible if I didn't figure out what the hell was going on and take control. I pretty much started obsessively reading all I could about every possible psychotherapy approach and theory out there, practicing, experimenting and trying to find gold nuggets in a sea of confusion. Pills or temporary solutions were never an option because I never wanted to feel like that again, powerless against my own mind or a slave to my circumstances.

Real depression is horrible and such a state compels you to escape it, either by suicide or by any means necessary. If you are not willing to put in the effort to help yourself, then you my friend are lucky that you are comfortable enough to write long depressive blog posts and read pessimistic philosophers all day and find the intellectual effort to try to shutdown any potential solution, in short, to stay where you are in your, quite frankly, cozy reality.


It doesn't really take any effort to shut down "suggestions" that are closer to magical thinking than not.

"just imagine a shitty situation and somehow feel differently"

I'm imagining someone celebrating after getting beat up or something or getting yelled at for fucking up.


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>I'm imagining someone celebrating after getting beat up or something or getting yelled at for fucking up.

There are certainly people that after continued abuse simply learn to roll with the punches and come to see that they deserve them because it's less painful somehow. That isn't exactly adaptive learning.

The majority of emotional problems arise because as a child you implicitly learn to associate various cues with negative valence which stay there regardless of how you consciously and intellectually develop. Taking your example, learning not to fight back or defend yourself, to learn to take responsibility for other people states of mind, which manifests itself as a self-critical perception and a guilt that shuts down any ability to defend yourself.

You can't convince yourself that pain is pleasure or that red is blue, but emotional realities are much more malleable. How you feel about X or Y is seldom a matter of sensual reality but often your limited experience so far, where it is entirely possible to learn to never ever fight back or defend yourself despite the suffering that entails.

I've never said one could solve all his problems with this method, rather I've promoted self-understanding so that one can be aware of one's often limiting psychology, to question it and to notice emotional barriers that make certain problems completely unsolvable and even create more problems as you follow a path laid out by those barriers. Those emotional barriers can be very stable throughout one's life, and yet it's been shown that they can also just as easily flip like a switch.

Consider reading the literature I posted and the case studies. If you understood the process, you'd see it's nothing like suggestion which often requires continual attempts to convince oneself through repeating sentences and "rational" arguments. An imagined experience serves the purpose of contradicting a deeply held truth and turning it into a labile memory that can be updated or even erased, but you still cannot convince yourself that up is down - you can only change emotional realities, provided the right experience (which can be a memory or entirely imaginary). For instance, someone could have hold the emotional truth that fighting back and defending yourself is always bad and horrible and when confronted wiPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

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"you're so young"

"you can do anything you set your mind to"

"don't compare yourself to others"

"things will be better when you're older"

"einstein was initially bad at math"(lie)

"you're just a teenager; you will thank me when you're older and happy"

I'm 29 now and hopeless. I hate my parents so much for all the bullshit platitudes and being shit in general.
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They told me to "take baby steps" which I did indeed do. Then they moved me to the middle of nowhere and fucked all my progress. I was studying for IT shit and there are no tech jobs here. I would have to travel 300 miles to be somewhere relevant for that to pay off and there is no work for home with out at least bare minimum 2 years experience. Even then its rare.

Then they told me I could just inherit their shit heap house and sell that to move somewhere relevant again. Turns out they owe about what the house is worth so I would be lucky to walk away with even 20k after real estate fees and shit. Hell that is being optimistic probably would break even or just a few thousand. Since it would likely take months to sell the dump. to save money I would have to go maximum Jew and cut expenses big time. Like no or very little electricity use and just enough heat for the pipes not to freeze. Getting hand outs or eating out of trash bins that kinda shit.

The sad part is those fuckers actually believe their own lies. They are not copes to give me false hope its their own false hope being handed down to me. Its frankly insulting they think I am dumb enough to believe it. When I called them out on their bullshit they pretended to acknowledge at first then went right back to believing their same copes.

Now whenever they toss this false hope at me the minute the conversation starts I just start thinking "why do you need to come with these bullshit lies." I am not asking for advice or shit from them anymore.

Sorry for the rant but its all so tiresome even making this post I can feel my blood pressure raising.


the funny thing about this shit is the moment you hear that bullshit its likely already too late. Unless your still in high school maybe. But anyone 25 plus your fucking done.


"you are so good with computers"

Being better than someone who can barely turn on tv doesnt make me "good"


Yeah, I get a lot of this too. One thing I regret is having any intellectual interests, since that leads to people having an overly inflated opinion of your abilities and then if you fail at something useful, it's because you're lazy instead of just intellectually impaired.

There are tons more normgroids who have basic surface level nerd interests who are engineers/software/etc. and whatnot. None of them give a fuck about Schopenhauer or world history.


>The name the doctors give these things. "antidepressants" is the biggest false marketing in existence, they are trash, they won't help you if you are truly depressed and in a shit situation, they'll just make you feel wrong because your emotions won't line up with what's real. The end goal of all antidepressants is to destroy your ability to have dynamic emotion in favor of keeping you at a baseline feeling of apathy.

Yeah, that living in a lie is the worst side of that.

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