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/dep/ - Depression

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R: 147 / I: 23

Depression Crawl Thread XXXIV

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread
R: 16 / I: 2

What's your relationship with your parents like?

How did they affect you growing up?
How do they affect you to this day?
How do you feel about them?
R: 213 / I: 30

Suicide General

The last suicide general has hit the bump limit.
Previous thread >>232813
R: 74 / I: 6
Normalswine have no souls. They feel comfortable in a crowd. They are forced to work 9-5 jobs to survive because they are absolute normalswine scum and lack the ability to create anything themselves. They see the person next to them working 9-5 and think "they're doing it too, so it's okay" and their train of thought stops there. They cannot stop and reflect on their situation. It's impossible for them to think for themselves and must copy everyone else.

Then they latch onto the nearest succubus to marry and have kids with without having even a sliver on consciousness. The reason divorce rates are so high is because normalswine literally just marry for the sake of marriage. It's all an impulse and they don't realise it. They never realise anything, they just consume information and act like the person next to them. When they ask you something and get a non-normalswine answer they shut down and can't comprehend it. They think you're a freak if you listen to old music or don't have social media. Have you ever seen those "who's watching in 2021" comments on music videos? That's just normalswine clustering together to reaffirm each other that it's okay to watch the old music so they don't feel weird and alone.

Earth is the land of the room-temp IQ degenerates. It's okay to treat them like shit. These people are beneath you. Just let them suffer while you head for the light for they are blind and will live in the darkness forever. Genetics has made them irredeemable. Let them squabble in the streets over imaginary rules. They are all just a small labor unit, nothing more. They aren't alive and will never achieve consciousness.
R: 7 / I: 0

Lack of colour in life

Anyone else feel like their world lost "colour"?
Somehow it seems that the world in my past was more colourful and beautiful.
R: 114 / I: 8

At what age can you not turn your life around?

>29
>worthless polisci degree (2015)
>didn't work a job until 24
>have had 14 jobs and quit them all within a year or less
>haven't worked more than 2 months at a job since almost 2 years ago
>live at home, never paid rent
>never made more than 16/hr doing almost entirely what amounts to stocking shelves in grocery stores
>schizoid
>misanthropic
>lack the natural affect and social fluidity that makes interactions with people smooth due to years of isolation
>can't stand interacting with people in a professional way
>get really anxious, feel panicky, etc
I got a job where I had to go into 711's, convenience stores, etc and talk to the store managers about shelf space for our candy bars and buying displays. I couldn't handle it. The idea of having to ingratiate and grovel to someone i don't want to talk to so some anonymous faggot company can make more profit just made me so angry. I ghosted after 2 weeks of training and one week of sitting in my car outside the stores to spoof the companies GPS on our tablet.

Is it over? Should I just move to some small town in the midwest and stock shelves at the local grocery store and hide from the vicious judgement and shame of the east coast yuppies who i was supposed to be a part of?
R: 50 / I: 2

Is knowledge harmful? Ae normalfags right?

Is it better to be a normalfag? a non thinking drone content with the simple pleasures and thus immoral to lead others to questioning the world around them and having an open mind?

My family thinks the former so let me share a story of recent and ask your opinions my magik brethren. My mother is very upset that I have been talking to my younger brother about philosophy and just how to think as she claims it will alienate him from being able to converse with the average person and that it is harmful.
For some context I have "complex mental health issues" rendering me dysfunctional however I strive to be logical.
My mother in her wisdom has expressed she does not want my brother reading books or learning to think about anything beyond a surface layer as he has expressed how awful the world appears to be.

Is it wrong to open someone's mind and help them think for themselves? Are normalfags correct in intentionally limiting their perception and questioning honing a wilful ignorance?
What is to be gained from being able to deconstruct reality and point out the "facts" as they appear to be.

I hate to come off as grandiose and conceited so keep in mind I personally disagree with the following but my Mother claims as psychiatrists have that I am highly intelligent something I disagree with since I know so little and others know much more than I do about what I know plus may have interests which are foreign to me yet she says she does not want my Brother to end up special needs like myself and claims that thinking is wrong and bad for you.

My mother quipped about how I am unable to relate to men in a club/bar(never been) yet able to play the part but wont enjoy their company and this is bad I tried to explain that having an open mind and learning about various things allows me to interact with anyone and discuss various ideas learning from a diverse range of people yet she is very angry I have been encouraging my Brother to read "strange books" which to her means anything at all that you will not see promoted on television or her normalfag facebook group I suppose.

Do normalfags truly hate thinking? I strongly suspect that the regular person is very aware of the realities of life being horrible yet are excellent at remaining optimistic and I do no think we are better as wizards perhaps we are in the wrong because after all what worth does misery have when you can be ignorant?
R: 86 / I: 6
>Shunned by "friends" /any group I've ever tried to be apart of
When did you realize you were destined to be alone forever?
R: 20 / I: 5
Lost my job because libtards said I was a racist and provided no evidence and been homeless before, not doing it again.
R: 7 / I: 0

Losing Motivation

Especially when it comes to games, I've lost all motivation to do anything with my self. Even getting up in the morning is exhausting.

I don't know what to do with myself. It's an endless cycle; work, go home, sleep.

Everything is just fucking empty and hollow. It just feels like I've wasted 20-odd years of my life with nothing to really 'push' towards.

I can't even find anything that interests me anymore. Everything's just so over saturated and plagued by normalswine who have the conversational depth of a fucking plate.
R: 7 / I: 1

Is death that really bad?

After all you don't feel anything, not pain, the absence of pleasure etc, you won't feel any negative feeling, you won't worry about anything.
R: 16 / I: 1

any of you guys have bad experiences with infinite content pools?

I end up spending all day on youtube and constantly refreshing forums holy fuck I hate it just reblocked youtube, it's horrible how these sites are designed, my fucked up brain may have something to do with it though.

whenever my hands have nothing to do or I am bored, they instinctually type youtube.com, what the fuck is wrong with me, what the fuck is wrong with my head, I wish a special sort of hell for the engineers at google who optimised for this very outcome.

all of the inconviences faced due to blocking this horrid site where worth it

have any of you lad had any similar problems?
R: 20 / I: 6

Things to do before you kill yourself

What do you want to do before you kill yourself?
What do you plan to do?
Is there anything that you recommend other wizards to do or books/film/video games to experience before they kill themselves?
ITT we discuss and list these things.
R: 22 / I: 2

extreme anger and urges to murder

how do i cope with thoughts to kill everyone in my sight when im in public? i often get no sleep or maybe a few broken hours due to the pure rage and sadistic push to knife a random normalfags guts out. nothing has worked at all.
R: 299 / I: 213

dep reaction images

Post your most relatable depression reaction pictures. I have a folder of these and looking at them, recognizing myself in them makes me feel better. As if someone out there shares my thoughts and feelings, even though the pictures are mostly cartoons and animals. It's an illusion, but somehow it helps.
R: 245 / I: 11

Anti-Depressants

Anyone here tried those? What did they do.

My shrink prescribed me Wellbutrin for fatigue which I took for 3 months or so, but they didn't do shit except reduce nicotine cravings. Apparently it's also prescribed for smoking cessation for which it worked wonders actually.
Shrink didn't want to prescribe me other AD's because those have heavier side effects and she thinks it wouldn't be worth it since they usually make fatigue worse and are more for anxiouspatients.

I also tried a bunch of nootropics, but none of those did anything. If you have experience, share those aswell
R: 26 / I: 2

neetdom

I'm so tired and depressed i don't even know how i would hold down a job and i'm applying for a job in 2 weeks

My medication makes me tired but i can't quit them either, i wish i could just live somewhere without having to work.
I could get a job start living alone eventually go of my medication an apply for neetbux again
problem is the transition, i can't get neetbux if i work and i can't just quit my job without having some form of income
R: 17 / I: 2

Self Harm

Figured I'd make a thread about it
Been going through a pretty rough spot of depression and have been punching myself in the head for the last few days
That's a pretty new thing for me, I've cut a couple times over the years but never seriously. Mostly I just bite nails, chew my lips, pick at scabs or pull out hairs. Minor shit but still just trying to eat away at the edges of myself, this is the first time in awhile I've done anything more "involved" I suppose
Any wizards have any similar experiences feel free to share
R: 56 / I: 14

Irreversible Personality Damage

Can we have irreversible personality damage ?
Let me clarify, at some point in my life I decided that I should be alone and I dug it deep into my brain as some form of defense that I will end up alone and so nothing anyone can say about me or even if I get rejected it wouldn't hurt(indifference is truly powerful).
After a while life started to get better but it doesn't matter anymore the hole has been dug and the mentality is forever itched in my brain and I don't allow people to get close. Is this irreversible ? Did I do too much damage to my own brain that coming back is impossible now ? Did any wizards have similar experiences ?
R: 3 / I: 0

Every interpretation is a misinterpretation

Perspective blinds objectivity. Status blinds objectivity. Race blinds objectivity. Religion blinds objectivity. Ideology blinds objectivity. Sex blinds objectivity. We are ceaselessly speaking into the void for a hint of cerebral pleasure. What is the best way to look at something? Obviously, I am so blinded that I cannot give a genuine answer. Are facts the only reality? I seriously sound like an idiot… shall I read a book? It's seriously just another blinder to make my reality more opaque. I am not a wizard… I do not speak like one. I won't pretend to be one. My words won't twist to appease any zeitgeist, or flavor of person. I am not a sycophant.
R: 113 / I: 11

What even is the point in doing anything?

What's the point in doing anything if we are all going to die, I mean if I were to die right now my life "experience" would be exactly the same than if I were to die at 99 after curing cancer and creating space colonies, to be precise, I would experience nothing, the end result of life is the same no matter what you do while alive, non existence. The king and slave are the same once they are in the grave, just a rotting sack of flesh and bones, sure the king may have more history books written about him, but it's not like he will ever have the chance to read them. And of course the psychologist will say "oh that's the depression talking, you have a warped view", but is it really? Is there anything really wrong with what I just said? It just seems to me that nothing is worth doing in life, no goal can justify the pain and suffering of working to achieve it. What do you think about this?
R: 6 / I: 1

Unable to participate in reality on any level -- Perpetual Observer

Everything in this world seems designed to taunt me. I thought I won a small victory over reality by quelling my desire for material things, but in return I've been saddled with an "intellectual" thirst and something approaching a creative drive. That seems like a fitting pursuit for those with a certain level of detachment from society, and indeed the histories, philosophies and natural sciences enjoy an avid readership among the niche imageboard crowd–this one being no exception.

Not me, though; God has given me the middle finger with this below-average IQ and learning disorder of mine. Now I gather books and media and information–I seek erudition or at least some salvation from the shitworld–but the means of comprehending and analyzing what I read are beyond me any attempts at sharing my thoughts are met with indifference at best and derision at worst. My hands are fucking useless–the passages I write are as incoherent and devoid of life as my inner world (which supposedly most solitary people have). I can't affect reality and I can't escape it either. Too insipid to create, too feeble to destroy.

Just a perpetual observer
R: 77 / I: 16

Suicides caught on camera

Please share links and footages of people suiciding and caught on camera…it would be better if it is made by teens.
Any type of suicide is okay
R: 9 / I: 0

tears

recently ive been doing the same shit, just eating alone and browsing my phone in my time off, except now i get random tears when im browsing or just chilling. how much shit am i repressing for this to happen?
R: 15 / I: 0

Moving Out

Let's say that you are in a situation where you somehow have enough money to move out and live on your own, but possess about 0 social skills or living skills, and even basic chores are challenging. But at home, you are stuck living in a shared room with your parents for 25 years. Would you move out?
R: 253 / I: 24

Wageslave General

wasting time, watching the clock edition

previous >>231132
R: 19 / I: 1
I hate answering the door or being forced to go outside, I can see the disgust and revulsion when people look at me. They know I'm subhuman.
R: 15 / I: 3

Schadenfreude

Do you believe someone who find joy in other people's suffering and misfortune deserve to be happy?
Nothing brightens up my day more than seeing people I dislike experience pain and suffering.
Injury, illness, the death of a loved one, losing their jobs/money, straight up death and/or suicide, you name it.
In fact, the more severe their misery is, the more joy I get from it.
This leads me to believe that I don't deserve happiness myself.
Why would anyone want to associate themselves with someone who finds joy in things like these?
R: 9 / I: 1

Purgatory Hell Life

I am currently a homeless wizard, attending a small community college of bland, unimportant classes. I sleep in an abandoned house near my school for shelter and use the gym on campus for shower. I shop at Walmart and Dollar Tree and I hate life - I hate existence. Why couldn't reality have been perfect? Why did it have to be a shitty survival game that sucks ass? I am $5,000 in debt this semester and my classes are retarded. I have no friends and my family thinks I'm an alcoholic freak even though I'm not drinking anymore, hence why I'm homeless. Being around people honestly makes me infuriatingly angry, they actually ruin anything beautiful with their hostile emotions.
R: 3 / I: 0
0.5g IV heroin + 80mg oxy + valium. Enough for a successful suicide you reckon? What are your opinions? No tolerance for several months, but I have been a heroin user in the past.
R: 17 / I: 2

Life is Hell

Don't even try.

Normies are born and raised to be competitive, parasitic, psychopaths.

If you're failed normie, just giveup they'll never accept you, normal logic is, feign morality, kindness etc when there's something down the line, someone who's destined to be a loser not a threat so keep to yourself, with them it's a cycle of sympathy, deception, use and discard, that's why being white or brown doesn't matter if you're loser or homeless , you're the all the same to a norman, they don't care about your efforts to appease them, if you're stupid enough to fight back, they will mock you call you retarded, cringe, etc and go back to hedonic treadmill.

Pic rel, mass-killer became lawyer, had the gf who loved him, still went ER, had scores of them show up to his trial.
R: 1 / I: 0

Trouble with law

Anyone having trouble with law? How are you handling the situation with parents?
R: 258 / I: 28

Inventory is empty

Reading the end of the wizards thread I wondered:

What's it like to be a wizard without any hobbies or interests? (Or at least interests and hobbies that USED to be associated with wizards?)

I've been slowly shedding my old hobbies and interests as they became mainstream (even degenerate otaku porn fetishes have this slowly increasing normalcy) and now I'm down to a couple things I still enjoy a little.

Any wizards who actually live without any real hobbies? I know I'm asking for a lot but I'd like responses from actual wizards or people close to wizardhood like the latter half of your 20s.
R: 24 / I: 4

going outside is exhausting

Hey wizzies, I noticed that when I'm moreso depressed if I happen to go out for a walk or something. I get mentally exhausted like to the point of yawning. Like theres cars going by, people doing stuff, stuff happening around. I can't take it. It's too much. Maybe its just this place that irks me. I'm looking forward to moving to a quiet place.
R: 35 / I: 2
My older obsessed sister tried to "raise" me to be an effeminate sentimental submissive castrated white guilt liberal faggot. I try to clean and fix myself from it but the ghost is always there. I'm 24 and feel like she (and my dumb degenerate brother) stole my life
R: 40 / I: 4

Best cope for being dumb as hell?

So an incident in my life has lead me to become deeply introspective of myself and one thing that I've realized is that I'm dumb as hell. Like, my intelligence is so minuscule that I won't ever master any kind of skill, whether that is mastering a game like Age of Empires 2 or learning and mastering coding languages. My memory and critical thinking skills are just too below the normal to even become decent at these things and there is nothing I can do to fix this, so the only thing left to do is to cope.

How do you learn to accept this very grim reality? Best copes for low intelligence? I've lost all hope and I'm ready to ball my eyes out.
R: 27 / I: 3
How do you guys deal with the fact that suffering, evil, and hardship is rampant within the universe?

I've come into this crippling line of thinking where the universe is a form of hell and all living beings experience great amounts of suffering and there is nothing I can do to fix it.

I used to look at people who suffered more than me as people to compare to myself and feel better about myself, but now I just see them as beings within this universe that have been created to endure years of suffering that can never be fixed.

The scariest part of this line of thinking is that suicide will not help or fix this problem and that I may be and we all may be stuck in this long progression of suffering that we cannot ever escape, even through death.

What the fuck do I do? I'm so scared right now.
R: 5 / I: 0

CBT: cognitive behavioral therapy

Hi wizzies,


I'm reading about depression treatment options and CBT comes up a lot. Is it all a big meme or does it actually work?

I'm not that fond of talking to other humans so not sure this is even an option for me…
R: 0 / I: 0

Lazy lazy asses

I have a weird idea to cast here on wizchan (may the crabs around not get to butthurt by it): it's about posting motivational quotes that reflect things or quailities we cannot even understand due to our level of apathy, misery and lack of virtue.

>accompanied with explanation, usually quotes from rich peers who shine above the normalcattle


This one in my case: I usually regretted every hard-try I did, since my life hasn't improved anything due to my efforts yet solely doing the ass adn being a nobody… stuck at my pc where I am usually happier and even more healthy and productive and motivated than ever wagecucking , doing sport or else. Like born to be a loser.
R: 9 / I: 3

Back again after some years

Hello /dep/.

First time posting in here since about 2014. What's happening around here these days?

Posting this again as apparently posting Wojaks is not allowed.
R: 16 / I: 4
I want to take DRUGS

YES, I WANT TO TAKE DRUGS FORGET ABOUT ALL MY SADNESS AND BE HAPPY.
R: 8 / I: 0

Fuck

my alcoholic mom used to kick the shit out of me every night and now as I'm sitting in my rundown crackden of a bedroom at 3:28 in the morning I'm realising literally all my issues stem from that bitch. What now wizbros?
R: 51 / I: 8

Missing Out.

Bitcoin. How many other Wizards, other than myself, missed out on their chance to eternal NEETdom? Personally, I've been aware of Bitcoin since 2009. I even mined it for a time before giving up. To rub salt in the wound further, I was even friends with many people who invested in it, yet never followed their example myself. While this is mostly due to the fact I was rather young at the time, even a small change of heart would have made me a millionaire right now.

For a long time, you were either born into riches or worked hard to get there. Now you'd be rich if you put spare change into internet funny money years ago. It's not fair, bros. And the regret will haunt me for the rest of my life.

If you have some crypto regret stories, share them in this thread so that this poor wizard might not feel alone in their mistake anymore. Wagecucking is so much more painful when you know you could have avoided it entirely.
R: 57 / I: 3
How do you guys handle alcoholism? I'm wage-slaving at the moment and can't quite understand how to handle it.
R: 34 / I: 2
How do I enjoy Videogames again? I used to enjoy them a lot but know they just don't make it for me anymore.
R: 11 / I: 1

Is wizard depression caused by social isolation? If so, why don't we enjoy socializing?

I'm sure everyone knows the studies on monkeys in isolation and how they become depressed and unmotivated, how humans are social creatures and most people rely on social interaction to feel fulfilled, how solitary confinement in prison is seen as the most severe punishment for a prisoner, the thing is, if social isolation is shown to be so detrimental to people, why don't us wizards enjoy socializing? Why do we shy away from people and isolate when it's so bad for us? I honestly don't understand this about myself at all, if social interaction makes us anhedonic and depressed, and social isolation also makes us anhedonic and depressed, then what hope is there for any of us? Are we beyond saving? Are we fundamentally broken, like a bricked phone, stuck in a permenant state of faulty programming and boot loops?
R: 16 / I: 1

Unable to relate

I am unable to relate to nearly anyone online that expresses their misery for example the event that prompted this thread was seeing someone mention they are suicidal and plan to kill themselves and I sympathized at first only to read on and discover as usual it was a crab sad that he was alone without a GF and instantly I felt disgust.

I will browse communities related to mental health and be turned off my how everyone is toxically spewing optimism and often the case is they are just using the sad people to feel better about themselves making irrational absolutist statements that life always gets better which is a blatant lie and requires ignoring reality.

The people I see posting online about being miserable seem to often be attention seekers trying to get some (you)'s to feed their ego what is more is that you cannot actually openly discuss ideas anywhere about being truly pessimistic but here on wizchan or you get banned.
I am sick and tired of the marketplace of ideas being regulated by normalfags who attempt to shut down any controversial community especially when it comes to mental health for example pro suicide forums. (sanctioned suicide is full of normalfags and crabs)

I feel extremely alienated both online and offline due to having opinions which I can defend logically and it is starting to really wear me down.
R: 120 / I: 20
I can't, I just can't stop with this porn addiction, I don't even enjoy it anymore, I just do it because I have the hope of feeling something but in the end is always the same, I've tried everything to stop, my longest streak was 32 days but, the boredom I experienced was horrible, everyday I cut my internet access but since I have no job or go to school I was all the day bored, I could not enjoy my anime because of the flatline I think I may have neet anhedonia, I haven't go to school since 1 year ago when I dropped out of high school, I cannot get a job because I am a high school drop out, I cannot go back to to school because of corona virus, my brain is fried, I cannot stand this anymore.
R: 22 / I: 0

overthinking

how does one stop overthinking? the sheer amount of variables just makes me want to give up right away
i can't enjoy anything because i'm scared of the things that could go wrong while other people people just live their lives on the go and don't give a fuck
R: 320 / I: 28

Depression Crawl Thread XXXIII

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread
R: 36 / I: 4

Returning forever

I've seen this image posted around here many times and I think it warrants its own thread for discussion. It really gives a good visual summary of Schopenhauer's philosophically grounded idea of reincarnation:

>Only by a false illusion does the cool shade of Orcus allure him as a

haven of rest. The earth rolls on from day into night; the individual
dies; but the sun itself burns without intermission, an eternal noon.
Life is certain to the will-to-live; the form of life is the endless present; it matters not how individuals, the phenomena of the Idea, arise
and pass away in time, like fleeting dreams.

>When we die, we throw off our individuality like a worn-out garment


In short, according to this position, life is the permanent condition of this world. When you die, you may lose your self (your elevated perspective) but not selfhood in general. As long as there is a perceiving subject, it is (you) that is perceiving as transmuted consciousness. What is compelling about this idea is that it doesn't depend on the existence of an immortal soul or spirit in order to be true.

So my question is, do you find this position plausible? If yes, does it scare you?

Honestly I find it both plausible and nightmarish in its consequences, because it entails that there is no rest, no peace and no release from the torments of this world, not even for a minute. The moment you are gone, there is not even a pause before you are violently brought back to be tortured, gutted, and consumed once more in the cosmic slaughterhouse.
R: 13 / I: 1

sleep deprivation

Any wizards have experience with long term sleep deprivation? By this I mean sleeping less than 7 hours a night for long periods of time. Since I started wagecucking full-time I have been working 7 to 3 and sleeping from 12 to 6 or sometimes 1 to 6 in terms of when I actually manage to fall asleep. I'm amazed at the lack of free time and even with what I do have I have less and less creative energy. Worse, I have begun to feel more and more dissociated from reality. Like I am not actually in my body. I've had this happen before. Age 13 I realized life was less real than it used to be. Age 16 I had another episode briefly but it wasn't persistent. But over this past year it's grown worse and I've had more and more common of these awful intrusive thoughts and other shit. I just care less and less about anything. Ideology religions philosophy I just don't give a shit. And I wonder if there is any way back? Any other anons have experience with long term sleep deprivation? How long before you felt normal again once resuming s normal sleep schedule?
R: 10 / I: 1

Suggestions??

I am constantly upset and depressed for absolutely no reason. Nothing I do works. What should I do ? Thanks
R: 25 / I: 0

Life Sucks Competition

My life sucks ass in a degree that I am sure exceeds infinitude. I am in a panera bread in the middle of a snow storm in Boise, Idaho. This is a quasi-help request. I do not fit in at all as a homeless man and I am scaring myself and others. I do not use drugs or alcohol because those are pretty much immediate "GO TO JAIL" cards analogously. I am trying to go to school and I fear that I am going to be arrested any day for being homeless here as it is a low-crime and low-homeless area. Wizards, please make me feel better. Please, tell me that your life sucks more than mine.
R: 54 / I: 5
Do you guys ever think that maybe you are Chris-chan?

So I have this problem with being able to see an objective version of myself, as in like how I come off. I know how I come off in my head, but there is a disconnect between what you and others think.

I know a lot of people here like to exaggerate their situation, but we're not really at Chris-chan levels of autism, right? Do you honestly think you are THAT bad? I mean, you're obviously fucked up, but you're not that fucked up.

But, is it possible that's actually what you are? You are actually so far gone that you don't even realize how far gone you are. That is what autistic people do, isn't it? Part of autism is being unaware of how you come off to others. So if you have autism, how do you really know how others truly see you?

Like you have an idea in your head about how much autism you actually have, but how come that can't be part of the autism delusion? Is it possible you are actually just an unaware walking Chris-chan? I mean that would explain more why people react to you the way they do.
R: 40 / I: 4
Do you guys realize that everything was better from 2006 to 2012, the world has gone to shit ever since then.
R: 31 / I: 1

Suicide Note: For or Against It?

If you lost a loved one to suicide, would you want to know why they did it?

What if the reason that he did that was that he was secretly a horrible rotten person? Would it give you comfort or would you rather keep your memory of them as pure as possible?

For example, if your kid fucked people up economically, and he couldn't live with what he's done, would you want them to tell you that in a suicide letter? Would it give you some comfort in knowing a piece of shit has lost his life? Would you get some sense of closure from knowing his reasoning?
Thanks in advance to anyone who answers, this is important to me.
R: 22 / I: 1

edgy degenerate

How i do stop being a complete edgelord? most conversations i have devolves into goth tier loathing and in the few voice chats i tried forcing myself to join i could only say slurs and make everyone mad at me. at least part of it is due to the fact that one of my only dopamine sources is unironically watching gore videos and sometimes masturbating to dead succubi. i have practically no social skills and im a dead end autistic schizo loser who is quite possibly the ugliest scariest most boring man alive. any ideas? thanks.
R: 44 / I: 3
Does anybody else feel like we're near the end or that society is going to rapidly collapse as a result of climate change, neoliberalism, warfare, political instability, COVID, etc? I feel like these end of the world type scenarios are not sensationalist fearmongering anymore like it was in the past and that the end is actually happening.
R: 4 / I: 0
i feel like I m empty of any thoughts almost always.
In most cases I can only copy other people behaviours or thoughts. I dont have many original thoughts of my own.
When I want to tell something Its hard for me to create sentences. It takes me time, too much time.
I m a very slow man. Even on imageboards when I want to express my thoughts I do it very slowly, because words comes out of my head so slow.
I wonder if I m not a little bit handicapped in some way.
R: 4 / I: 0

Maxbe being a volcel is not that bad

I didn't know I'd turn out like this when I was a kid. I was slim I was a decent looking kid with full of life. I guess my good fortune left me the day when my old school closed down and I had to go to a shitty school in 3rd grade. I got outcasted and bullied by my classmates for being the less talkative shy kid. After that horrible year I started to develop bad eating habits and then I started 4th grade with some love handles around my waist. Well 4th grade was even better then 3rd grade was, we got a new classmate who was kind of a weirdo. We weren't exactly friends, he.. one time he punched my front tooth out during one of his temper tantrum. I also became near sighted in that year (hereditary) but I refused to wear my prescription glasses due to not being an ever bigger target for my bullies. Years went by in that toxic environment and from a bright child full of life became a loser. Because of my bad grades I could only apply to shitty secondary schools. I chose one with a good IT past because I was into computer games (who could've thought). But the school was nothing like it was advertised. IT meant for them teaching ms office lol. So that was a waste of 4 years with moron classmates who made every single day hell for me, teachers were also doucheturds there. Then the finals came I completed it and and got shitty, almost worthless grades. I was 18 then now a decade later here I am a complete burnt out loser, fat, ugly, face full of scars and vitiligo, crooked smile virgin and looking at myself in the mirror I'm starting to accept the reality that maybe I'm not meant to be a person who will pass his genes to the next generation but maybe a celibate till the end of my time on this earth. And you know what? Maybe that's fine too. Maybe I meant to be like this. Thinking about how things might've been different doesn't help…
Well it was a long writing. Thank you for reading and I'm sorry for the shitty writing.
R: 102 / I: 4

Im actually glad wageslaves get abused

The type of people who complain about having to work for low wages and long hours to pay for dogshit food and rent rat infested apartments are the same type of people that would be be first to get enslaved in the medieval era. The average person only needs to feed clothe and shelter themselves and if they're too stupid to address those priorities first so they can have a blanket of security if money gets dire then it's no surprise as to why millennials and zoomers advocate for communism while actual employers view their staff as low iq disposable shitheads that literally couldn't feed themselves without needing their precious salaries every week to month while people who live independently in developing nations could use that money far more usefully towards aiding those around them, hate paying for food then grow your own, hate paying every month for an apartment go buy a small patch of land and build shelter or fuck just buy a trailer, hate buying clothes then repurpose old clothes or ffs make your own. My god I despise poor people.
R: 36 / I: 6

/BPD/ Borderline personality disorder

Making a thread for BPD discussion since the last one we had here has died.
There is a common misconception that only succubus have BPD and this is not true a lot of wizards actually have the disorder also so please do not attack the posters here for mentioning their affliction.
Misaki is the OP image as she is BPD and I am sure many of us would relate to her.
Wizards that suspect they are BPD but not diagnosed as they share some of the traits are welcome to discuss those traits also.

So you have BPD how does this manifest for yourself?
Have you any experience with therapy and how has that been for yourself?
Do you agree with the diagnosis and are you comorbid with another personality disorder meaning you have both of them at once or share significant traits?
Do you get very attached to people what have your BPD experiences been like?
Do you self harm at all?
Do you feel you will ever recover from BPD and how do you cope with it?
R: 49 / I: 6

Do you think normalfags are happy?

In sad and depressing days like this one I can't help but wonder if normalfags are happy, don't misunderstand it's not like a want a gf and sex but the few times I see normies they seem happier and more well adjusted than me, I wish I could just live a day in my life without my awful suicidal thoughts, without the pain, the fear, the sadness, without feeling like the entire world wants to destroy my psyche, I would like to laugh, to go to a coffee shop being happy and calm, I would like to say "Yeah today was a very good day" just because existence didn't hurt that day.

I sometimes envy their happiness, but it may be fake, if any of you have daily contact with normies could you tell me if they're happy? Or at least happier than the average wizard?
R: 47 / I: 13

The technological singularity

The singularity will not only be the salvation of humanity, but the salvation of all living beings on Earth from pointless toil. The singularity will establish a heaven on Earth for all beings and it will be beautiful.

This heaven will not be like the superficial and one-dimensional heaven mentioned in the bible and only reached after death, this heaven will be as real as anything else and not some thought up dream that was written down on crusty old paper by mortal conmen. This heaven will be the creation of the brightest minds in existence, the most intelligent and it will be the creation of an amalgamation of unrelenting hard work and dedication.

Humanity, technology, and the unrelenting human spirit to move past our human forms as mere evolutionary animals and merge with the human creation of technology and live forever in a heaven like state all made possible by the minds of humanity is the greatest goal to be attained.

I'm on the side of eradicating suffering, death, and futility. I will not accept the cosmic slaughterhouse and death will be conquered and humanity will prevail.
R: 8 / I: 1
Not only did I lose my molar tooth now I have some sort of necrosis and it's spreading. Just fuck my shit up
R: 35 / I: 1

Were you happy as a child?

I am reading Elliot Rodgers My twisted world and an idea came to me I observed how he cherishes his childhood and was happy as a child and could not relate myself as my own childhood was fraught with misery and already present mental health issues so I am curious if other wizards were happy as a child?

The only happy memories I can recall was getting a pokemon game or something of that sort but other people seem to have many happy memories and not have mainly awful memories.
R: 6 / I: 0

Nostalgy

What a irony.
When I was young and I was in school I wanted to end school as fast as possible, because I was unhappy then and I thought that when I will be older, my life would simply be repaired and better.

Now when I m older I mention often old times when I was a child. I know that my childhood was sorrowful and there were periods of time, when I was depressed, but I think if then I would direct my life differently, then my adulthood would be much better now, and also I didnt appreciate then I dont have to work, that I had a lot of free time during vacation.

Also when I think about old games and old music I feel good kind of nostalgy.
R: 9 / I: 4
Why can't I just accept that I'm a boring, worthless person that has never and will never amount to anything in life?
Life would be so much easier if I just did.
And yet I keep clinging to false hope. "Things will change", I keep telling to myself.
Why am I like this?
R: 1 / I: 0

/feels/

Post sad webms screen caps and stories.
I have not seen a classic feels thread for a while please avoid posting normalfag shit gondolas for extra points.
R: 5 / I: 0

"mentally ill" but do not think you are

Any other wizards here relate to being officially mentally ill but not actually feeling mentally ill or at least only a little?
For example I know I am fit the criteria for mental illness labels yet do not personally think I am anything more than weird and either too emotional or void of emotion.
We are just a bit different unless you are schizophrenic I think the term is overused and extends to vilifying what should be natural reaction to our environment.
The only use of a label like mental illness is retardbux and possibly treatment for some things if you feel it is needed. in the current age too many people claim to be mentally ill or are labelled as such.

>for example

Some family had an argument and got upset with me today saying they cannot handle how mentally ill I am as it is causing them to now be "mentally ill" themselves and I exclaimed I do not actually feel mentally ill.
My family were shocked and brung up that I self harm and cannot work but I retortd with I am miserable and sometimes hurt myself but that is normal for me.
Have any of you wizards had a similar experience and do not personally identify as mentally ill despite your mental struggles that may be very real.
R: 105 / I: 11

I tried it all

And none of it works.
Exercise, diet, sleep, hobbies.
Gimmicky shit like cold baths, not masturbating, 'meditation'.

Amount of time spent doing them isn't even an issue, I've been fit and healthy for years.
None of it works.
I still wake up everyday, barely crawling, wanting to kms but never having the balls to go through with it.

It doesn't help, but it's this bullshit is the only advice people give… There's no step past this.
R: 54 / I: 7

What broke your heart?

Let's be honest, wizards here have severely broken heart. What broke yours? And don't misinterpretet these words, I am NOT talking about succubi.
R: 7 / I: 0

Walking cadavre

Anybody else feels like this? I am alive but I'm dead. Life has no sense for me and every thing I dreamed of is completely impossible. No mattee what I do nothing will ever change, even if I manage to do better there are outside things that make everything impossible and worthless, even worse now with this coronameme thing. So I just have no hopes nor anything, life in the past was shit and there will be no justice ever. I live in automatic mode, my past 4 years just passed by, I even get confused about when did stuff from past years happened, for example a mail that I was sure I received it in 2019 turned out to be from 2018. I can't kill myself, I've tried but I simply can't. A part within me gets hyped when small sparks of hope appear but they get crushed instantly by reality. I'm almost resigned that this is the kind of life I'll have until I die. I used to escape from this with lame entertaining (anime, porn, exercise, learning stuff, etc) but that doesn't works anymore. I don't get why the fuck I had to be born
R: 4 / I: 0

Can someone explain this?

So Wendigoon made like 11 videos covering the first 6 tiers but hasn't made any new ones in like 2 weeks. anyone know any of the deeper subject? please i need answers i haven't been able to sleep.
R: 23 / I: 3

Leaking urine and diabetes

Started leaking urine drops today, can barely put pressure on my bladder and urethra. Back injury did this.

I already pee 3 liters a day thanks to the diabetes, now I also have to deal with difficulty pissing it out and keeping it in. Dick constantly feels full of pee yet I can’t get it out.

Life is garbage, can’t eat good food, can’t even walk much, can’t do nothing
R: 8 / I: 0

What do you suggest I do?

So to start, I have been depressed since I was around 12 or so and I've been feeling better, but I've recently become more anxious than depressed. I want to take Xan or some other anti-anxiety pill but does it work? I've taken it for recreation before but it didn't really make me less anxious. What does wizchan suggest I do. (btw i'm new here srry)
R: 18 / I: 1

Anhedonia

How you guys cope with anhedonia? I can't do anything because of it.

I just lay in my bed all the day.
R: 35 / I: 2

Psychologists

How do I explain to my female psychologist that being a male virgin at the age of 28 is a telltale sign that you are not a normal adult male because there's some deep seated obvious reason that you are still a virgin?

Pic unrelated.
R: 3 / I: 0

Becoming a alcoholic

Anyone else struggling with controlling their drinking?
It's scary how much I feel like it's taken over my life.
When I was younger I didn't have the urge to abuse drugs because I was curious about the world.
But now that i'm older everything just feels very empty and pointless.
All I want now is to just hide away in my room and pass time as painlessly as possible and hope maybe it will end or something new and interesting will reveal itself to me(fantasy).
Is it possible to regress into a more optimistic person or is this just what happens to people?
It feels like the only way I could ever experience pleasure is by directly targeting the transmitters with drugs, even in hypotheticals the only thing I can imagine genuinely making me happy is unlimited opiates/alcohol and a quiet house to myself.
R: 18 / I: 2

Mental decay

Does anyone else notice a decay of mental and cognitive functions?

I'm not talking about temporary brain fog but a deceleration in processing information, not being able to maintain concentration and focus, getting tired quickly, difficulties with learning something, understanding what is expected of you, forgetting things in daily life, trouble with math operations, bad short and long term memory. Not all of these things apply to me at a high degree but there's a clear tendency. I'm currently NEET and struggle mostly with keeping my. Mind busy but very often it's empty and things start to rot. I don't know what to do. I tried stuff like brain games, Sudoku, chess but none of it really helps me. Reality is just dull and pointless games don't do the trick for me to keep my mind busy and focused. My emotional affection also is very low and this kind of mixes up with the cognitive state. I'm too jaded to be suicidal even.
R: 51 / I: 5

Weird Mentality

I was born with weird mentality. I give you few examples of it.

1. When they bullied me at school, sometimes I thought in my mind that perhaps they have reason for it and it may be partly my fault.
2. When they insulted me at school I did nothing about it, because I thought that if I want to push somebody in the face then I must have good reason for it and being insulted is not enough a reason. I couldnt in most cases insult back thanks to social phobia.
3. Teachers were mad at me when I were fighting with my bully few times at elementary school, so thanks to that I thought that I must avoid fighting with bullies no matter what, because teachers wont like it. So, after elementary school I practically havent fight with anybody, despite being bullied in every school I went to.
4. If somebody told me that I have to do something, the way he wants I did it (even if when in my mind I knew that I should do what I want instead of listening to some moron). If I did what somebody ordered me to do and I didnt like it, then in my mind I was insulting the guy who gave me order (I was calling him moron or something like that)
5. In the middle school even smaller guys than me bullied me, because of me being brainwashed by the teachers that fighting agaisnt bully is bad.
I m ashamed of that.
6. Lots of people yelled at me, mostly for no reason, just because they were frustrated. In the adulthood - I understood - thats just their mentality, which I dont have.
7. When I graduated from middle school, then I wanted to choose high school, but my mother recommended me other highschool, so I did what she wanted me to do and after years I was mad at her, because I could choose better highschool with better people, instead of listening to her.


Everything went so wrong… What do you think about me?
R: 5 / I: 0
I would commit matricide if i could get away with it, my life is a nightmare because of her

I have FAS but she denies it, she's an incapable fuckin mess and and i fuckin hate her
how would i prove factually that i have fas i went to a doctor and she didn't help at all

she said to talk to psychologist i don't need a fuckin psychologist i need a doctor to prove it or at least to refer me to a surgeon
R: 11 / I: 0

Low oxygen after waking up

Every morning I feel terrible because my head feels like it lacks oxygen, tinnitus is very loud, head feels heavy, empty, bare of emotions, slow and disoriented. I always have to breathe consciously and very deep to feel somewhat better again though it takes time till it adapts to a normal level every day.
Anyone have experience with this reaction? What can I do against it? Should I meet a doctor?
R: 355 / I: 45

Suicide General

The last suicide general has hit the bump limit.
Previous thread here >>229281
R: 24 / I: 10
What is the most depressing movie you've ever seen? Threads and Leaving Las Vegas for me.
R: 24 / I: 1

Anhedonia

Is there a way to combat anhedonia without talking to a therapist/psychiatrist or getting outside help? I've been okay with living as a hermit but in the past few months, my leisure time has really become a mental pain because I just can't enjoy anything anymore. Weekends are such a burden because I have no clue what to do with the time, but while at work I yearn for them, despite the fact that they only offer crushing boredom.
R: 307 / I: 36

Depression Crawl Thread XXXII

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread
R: 20 / I: 2

/therapy/

The thread all about therapy of all sorts including non conventional therapeutic practices like taking psychedelics and experience with drugs used in conjunction with therapy.
What are some books you have read about the subject that has helped you and do you think the role of a therapist is important?


>what therapy have you done and did it help you

>why do you think therapy does not work in your case if so
>would you consider taking psychedelics
R: 3 / I: 0

DID YOUR PARENTS STAY TOGETHER FOR THE KIDS??

How did it affect you growing up??? DID you witness endless fights all day and night?? screaming into the night and neighbors hearing the fighting?
R: 4 / I: 0
Post the last song you'll listen to before you escape this bloody hell prison.
R: 72 / I: 14

what was the biggest fuckup of your life?

dont tell me some shit like not doing anything with your life or getting addicted to something, because those are multiple fuck ups strung together, and dont say something that you didnt have any control over either. im talking one singular instance where you made a conscious decision to do something wrong and it put your future in jeopardy.

i got expelled from uni for academic dishonesty. literally shit is so dumb. you can do everything right all the time and make good decisions every day but fuck up once and you are done for. i feel like i am walking on eggshells constantly. and dont tell me im a retard for getting caught, literally everybody that has ever walked the face of this planet has made shitty choices, its just that not all of them produce effects.
R: 13 / I: 0

I'm Boring

I started off with delusionally high self-worth, but over the years getting smacked down by reality eventually gave me self-awareness at all the things I suck at.

But one of the last things for me to admit is I'm boring, dull, a drag. I guess I don't feel boring, since all the stuff I'm interested in, is interesting to me. So subjectively I'm interested in the most interesting things in the world. But I have to step back and try to be objective. And think what it would be like to listen to someone talk about their fascination with snails or their stamp collection.

I have so many flaws, but one of the simplest yet most important is I'm boring. I drone on and on about shit no one cares about. If its not aspie esoterica then its self-pitying moping like I'm doing right now. I'm not interesting, fun or funny although I used to think I was.
R: 63 / I: 4

Effects of loneliness on mental health

How does being completely alone affect ur mental health?

I think craving for social contact is a natural thing and even doctors found that people who are extremely lonely will most likely develop mental and physical health issues and on average their lifespan is shorter.

A lot of times through the day I find myself making up social interactions in my mind, I'm a massive social retard and the interactions in my imagination seem to be the ones I actually crave for.

Some time ago I started thinking loudly and talking to myself, it's something that is very hard to control and it just happens, sometimes I talk by myself for hours and I'm sure the reason for this is the lack of actual communication in my life since there is no one to actually say something to.

In my dreams I often experience abstract social interactions with other people that often feel so good that I'm sad and confused after waking up from them and that stuff fucks me up the whole day. I also noticed that I often dream about people from school and my childhood, most likely because that might have been the only time I was engaging with other people on a daily basis since I was also forced to and even back then I was always by myself and I really disliked school.

I think that my mental health will eventually degrade itself to the point where I lose my mind completely if things keep going that way and I don't think that this will ever change since this whole thing is a vicious cycle, I have mental problems that prevent me from communicating with other people and at the same time my mental health goes to down the drain even faster because of the loneliness.
R: 5 / I: 0

Repeatability of life

I think about my life and I realized something.
Years 2008-2009 were the worst years of my life. But 2010 was much better than 2008-2009.

At the end of the 2020 year I realized that 2018-2019 were very terrible to me (just like 2008-2009). Just exactly 10 years passed and history repeated themself. Yet 2020 year was much better. In years 2018-2019 I had terrible job - I felt so exhausted both mentally and physically. Now I have a job that isnt that much tiring like my previous job.

I wonder - was it just a coincidence or life does keep on repeating - if 2018-2019 years were tragic - will the years 2028-2029 be tragic too?
R: 7 / I: 0
Anyone realize how little things have changed for you and become depressed?
I started rewatching evangelion which I watched close to a decade ago now and I felt a sickly nostalgia that is making my stomach turn.
There have been some minor arcs but as it sits right now at this moment im watching the same tv show a decade later in the exact same place(my childhood bedroom) on the same equipment I did back then.
It feels like the only thing that might have changed is that im older almost nothing has happened in that time and probably won't unless they decide that they could be worse.
R: 23 / I: 2

Mother hate

My mother is such a stupid oblivious incompetent cunt, i fuckin hate her

She doesn't have a fuckin clue about anything she just walks around with her fuckin head up her ass
She doesn't understand when people don't like her or want to talk to her, she constantly fucks everything up

She drank durning pregnancy and she doesn't even have a clue, i addressed it but she just blatantly ignores it like everything in her life.

No wonder i'm a complete retard with a dimwit of a mother, i want to hurt her but i can't and i have to prentend i tolerate her.
I need to find a job and move out asap and break contact, first i need to do some job training it takes too much time
R: 1 / I: 0

Can mods whisper you messages that pop up

I remember I was paranoid suicidal making no fucking sense and a mod message poped out trying to calm me down and reassuring me that we're all friends here.

If it was an actual message from a mod I want to thank you, that was one of my darkest nights and you helped me roll with it.
R: 7 / I: 0

Disattachment

Do you ever feel like you can't complete one single action in the long run? I always quit my hobbies and get bored of them or my opinions on them are constantly changing. I tried languages, instruments, drawing… I've always experienced the same process. If you know the solution, please help.
R: 9 / I: 0

Hacking the elf-preservation mechanism

How does one hack the self-preservation mechanism in order to commit suicide? All suicide guides only talk about physical methods but the real battle is the one in the mind. For various reasons I believe myself to be a burden and I also find myself in a state of constant misery due to health issue. Really though I shouldn't have to justify myself, if nothing else, the one freedom I should always retain is the freedom to end my life whenever I so please to do so. However I find myself a slave to life and not free at all for I can not overcome the survival instinct that says "LIVE, LIVE, LIVE!" no matter how degraded and painful my life continues to get with no hope of escape. So how do I conquer my own mind, the subconscious will to life, such that I can become completely resolved to terminate my own life for what I see as the good of the whole world? I want to fight overpopulation and waste and to put an end to my own suffering and three of these concerns will be addressed by suicide. Suicide to me is a moral good, a tremendous act of altruism, but I am fighting billions of years of evolution that has hardwired the overwhelming imperative to survive.