[ Home ] [ wiz / dep / hob / lounge / jp / meta / games / music ] [ all ] [  Rules ] [  FAQ ] [  Search /  History ] [  Textboard ] [  Wiki ]

/dep/ - Depression

[]
Email
Subject
Comment
File
Embed
Password (For file deletion.)
Sort by: Image size:   [Reload]   [Archive]
R: 7 / I: 0

2brainlet4coding

I haven't given up yet, but I know I'm not getting very far.

My dream of learning coding is shattered cuz of this. All I want is a well-paid job where I don't interact much with others. I'm still gonna try, just because I want to so bad, but you do need problem solving abilities for it, as well as intelligence obviously. I don't really have any of that, I am only somewhat decent at math, but literally only basic math, everything else I forgot other than add, subtract, multiply, divide and maybe some other basic concepts (mostly grade school shit). For coding its more of the harder concepts of math, I barely even remember algebra tbh. You also need skills for advanced math topics, as well as problem solving abilities along with it. And this is why learning it is a real challenge for me. Plus I end up forgetting everything.
This is why I dropped out of high school, everything is too hard for me and will only get harder as time progresses. I've noticed over the years that I'm actually retarded.
R: 2 / I: 1

Catch

My mother caught me about to overdose last night. She cried and hugged me. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to upset her despite the shit she's put me through, but I can't take existence. Nothing is going right. The only thing keeping me sane is h, and I'm so deep in debt that I can't afford more. I want to close my eyes and have the world disappear. I want to surf through my own ideal, surrounded by joy. I've lost so much.
>ready to die
>stop eating
>spend the day high and drinking
>finally end it
>my mother undoes all of my progress
Every time I try anything, I fuck it up. I can't die properly. I can't bleed beautifully. I can't do fucking anything.
R: 5 / I: 0

Risking death trough sleep avoidance

Whats the longest youve been awake? Did you trip?
Sleep deprivation SEEMS to be lethal so im considering going out in a flurry of mania and schizophrenia. According to ancient accounts 9 days are enough for a man to die of no-sleep. If I survive i might get a breakthrough,tho
R: 25 / I: 3
How did you get over your crippling social anxiety? Even going to the store is a battle for me.
R: 14 / I: 0

Suicide

I'm finally done, I think I'm going to do it tonight. No more shit. Freedom.
R: 11 / I: 4

Your corpse

What do you wish for there to happen to your corpse after you die?
I personally wish for mine not to be cremated but to be eaten by animals in the wild or in a zoo, i think it's a huge waste of resources that i essentially have gone for 35+ years and consumed tonnes of food only for my body to get cremated and wasted
R: 1 / I: 0
We’re you prescribed psychoactive medications as a minor? If yes, what age and substances, and do you think it’s part of why you’re here?
R: 15 / I: 1

Fasting unto death

>can more or lesa be stopped if you change your mind
>Only hurts at first,gets you high afterwards
>testament to manly willpower,leaves a tragic-heroe vibe to the mourning

I have decided to fast till i die,the only problem is I live with parents with whom i eat daily.
Must I run away from home?go to calm rural area,or be homeless,to fast for the weeks needed before i die?
R: 65 / I: 3

Suicide

My 33rd birthday in a month, but im deciding to check out early.
I've got Vicodin, whisky, and a noose.
im going to no fap for the next 2 weeks then have dinner with my mom and kill myself.
i'd like to live stream it if possible.

anyone else want some free shit. ive got an alien ware p.c like 2k dollars worth of pellet guns. about 2k worth of books. dragonlance novels philosophy books, Schopenhauer and ligotti. ive got a bunch of stuff thats going to either be burned or thrown away. the p.c is decent, its only about 2 years old, barely been used. alien ware desktop with a gtx1060.
you can pick it from my house today. ill give you my info.

anyways. i love you virgins. im sorry life is this way. happy gaming. happy purple epics on world of warcraft.
R: 112 / I: 13

Wageslave General

mandatory overtime edition

previous >>240013
R: 79 / I: 8

Everything Is Boring

Anime is boring
Movies are boring
Vidya is boring
Books are boring
Coding is boring
Nothing entertains me anymore. Even porn doesn't give the same thrill as it used to. I end up just lying on my bed and eyeing the ceiling.
R: 11 / I: 0
One thing that really saddens me is the fact that i will never be able to live on my own. I have a decent relationship with my parents but im aware that my life lacks a lot of freedom. I have no room to pursue my hobbies, im constantly being bossed around… its like living in purgatory where i will never be able to live my own life and make my own choices.

Its too late now cause im in my early 30s and ive never had a job nor do i have any skills. The wages in my country are utter shit and the rents are astronomically high so its almost impossible to move out with minimum wage jobs.

I just wanted to have my own place to pursue my hobbies and explore new interests in peace… im so tired of the internet and computer…
R: 1 / I: 0

Wanting to give away what others wish so much for

One thing that has depressed me is the bunch that wanted life and could not get it.
Sure, it is up to you whether or not you wanted this existence.
But isn't it the strangest thing to think that there's someone out there clinging so hard, hoping for another day, while you're looking toward the exit?
What could be said?
To the starving child, to the bedridden teenager - you may call them naive, but how horrible it is that they look up to you. Hoping to have your healthy organs.

I can't give you much but I can part you with some pleasant memories to make your passing quick. Who knows when we'll say goodbye.
I hope you enjoy your stay.
R: 13 / I: 1

Joining the army

Any wizards considered joining the military in some form?

I'm so sick of the endless monotony of middleclass life. I don't think I can stand it much longer. Day after day of staring at the same piece of machinery and typing useless bullshit, just so I can go home and unwind by staring at same said piece of machinery until I fall asleep. I want to feel something, I want to go through hardship, I want my life to be sacrificed for some grand cause(however meaningless), I want to have a schedule in which my pathetic consumerist whims are ignored and I myself just become another blank face to be thrown into the pit of nonexistence for the sake of the military industrial complex. I want some oil billionaire to profit off my death.

Maybe I just want to die.
R: 24 / I: 3
Depression is luxury.

Affordable by first and second worlders.

Do you believe in that?
R: 21 / I: 0

Ruin

So we all know equality is a scam, and the economy is a pyramid scheme, so how do you cope trying to find security in an inherently unsafe world?

Is there a way to hack the system like Kevin Micknic or just be a slave in Kaczynski's world. Sorry if I sound like a moron im an actual Dog.
R: 126 / I: 14

Depression Crawl Thread XXXVI

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
R: 16 / I: 0

Advice

I'm desperate, i need a job to move out but so far nobody wants to hire me. I want to leave home maybe move to my grandparents house and pay part of the rent. Being at home there's a lot of tension and i just want to be alone.
The problem is that i can't move out without finiding a place and that takes time.

I was thinking of running away, i'm an adult so police won't pursue me. I plan on moving to another state.

I don't know the steps that i should taken everything is registered. My parents are connected to my bank account (they see transactions). My unemployment benefits is the only income i have but everything is registered under my current adress, my parents get the bills etc. I'm not sure what steps i should take to start a new life, someone of my family works at my bank to top it off.

I don't want them to go all crazy and get the police and social workers involved, i'm sure they will blow up my phone get my family involved maybe start a search action.
I don't want all the dramatics, i just want be left alone in peace. My mom especially is always dramatic crying and yelling getting people involved, i don't want that.
Seriously i've talked to my doctor about frustrations and finding work wanting to be left alone, they can't really resolve the situation.

That's it, my only other option is suicide. I want to spare them that at least.
R: 262 / I: 11

Anti-Depressants

Anyone here tried those? What did they do.

My shrink prescribed me Wellbutrin for fatigue which I took for 3 months or so, but they didn't do shit except reduce nicotine cravings. Apparently it's also prescribed for smoking cessation for which it worked wonders actually.
Shrink didn't want to prescribe me other AD's because those have heavier side effects and she thinks it wouldn't be worth it since they usually make fatigue worse and are more for anxiouspatients.

I also tried a bunch of nootropics, but none of those did anything. If you have experience, share those aswell
R: 120 / I: 20

Suicides caught on camera

Please share links and footages of people suiciding and caught on camera…it would be better if it is made by teens.
Any type of suicide is okay
R: 89 / I: 16
I want to take DRUGS

YES, I WANT TO TAKE DRUGS FORGET ABOUT ALL MY SADNESS AND BE HAPPY.
R: 7 / I: 0
ive failed everything
ill never make money
ill never be good at anything
ill never be more than a burden to my family

god hates me clearly
but i was wondering
what if i went to a monastery
maybe he wuld get off my case
and i could just become invisible to most everyone
R: 63 / I: 3

Living in a poor country is hell

I mean it's bad enough the world is utter shit and I'm forced to slave my ass off for pieces of paper until I die but the mere fact i can't even see the efforts of my work at the end of the day, it's fucking mad!
I live in Jamaica and sometimes i just wanna end it. I'm 22, I work a regular 9 to 5 but yet I still can't do shit with my salary….all my money blows up on inflated utility bills and grocery prices….I'm lucky if I can renew an ongoing subscription or even get myself something nice by the end of each month.

From school till now, I just feel like I'm going through an endless cycle of survival.

I genuinely would rather to not work at all and just live peacefully but I want to leave this country so badly that it even overshadows the factor of work.

Seeing the minimum wage in the US and other developed countries discourage me so much, to the point I just wanna quit my job and runaway. For example. $10 - $15 an hour ismind-blowing to me, as the regular citizen here barely makes that, even after slaving for an entire day….in a single day american citizens are making what we make in 2 weeks, in ONE day.

I've even seen news headlines of Americans complaining about $7.25 an hour and I'm just like "fuck i wish the average citizen here was making that much an hour".

I always wonder why I was even born here to begin with, the world is so huge, yet I was born in a poor, crime filled, underdeveloped country…..like the world is already shit and requires way too much from us to simply exist but on top of that, i have to endure life in a third world country too???…..it's fucking depressing.
R: 8 / I: 0

Corona Quarantine

Anyone else here starting to miss quarantine times? I hate that normies go out again and do their socialising stuff.
R: 55 / I: 3

Is suicide really ethically bad in the current environment?

This stupid skit (embed related) still gets to me. That's me. I'm that loser, in-the-way, mediocre, never-going-to-invent-shit guy who's in front of you counting out change when you're getting your groceries. I'm that fucking idiot who awkwardly can't decide where he's going nearly causing an accident and holding up a bunch of people who've got shit to do. I'm the one draining my family's resources for a dead end. At some point I have to be asking myself, "Should I really bother being around?"
Against the topic of suicide, I keep hearing all the same arguments along the lines of:
>You're being selfish.
>You're taking the coward's way out.
>Think of how hard you're going to make things for your family.
Etc., as if it's the person committing suicide that's doing something morally wrong. But isn't it the other way around? In fact, isn't it even stronger than that? Isn't it morally impingent upon you TO commit suicide if you aren't contributing anything? At some point of being an absolute drain on society, doesn't it become morally righteous to commit suicide? And, with that said and with that context:
>Isn't committing suicide one of the least selfish things to do?
>Given how difficult it is to do, isn't it the path of the brave?
>In the long run, aren't you making things much easier for your family?
Especially in a world of so many people, and all the threads and comments recently about how much of a rat race/"rat utopia" the world has become, and how none of us are going to make it, and how even if we did anyone after us is only going to have it worse. With all of this, I have to ask, how can anyone have the gall to claim that suicide is bad. Aren't the people who commit suicide the modern day heroes of our society? Isn't suicide the right thing to do?
R: 90 / I: 9

extreme anger and urges to murder

how do i cope with thoughts to kill everyone in my sight when im in public? i often get no sleep or maybe a few broken hours due to the pure rage and sadistic push to knife a random normalfags guts out. nothing has worked at all.
R: 8 / I: 0

Do your normgroid parents support your hobbies?

Both of my parents can't go on a few days without telling me to get up while I sit on the computer playing vidya or watching something. Annoying fucks
R: 22 / I: 2
Anyone else have physical deformities, illnesses or sickness, rancid farts, tinnitus, partial chronic pain. Any solutions ? Also fuck off /cow/
R: 194 / I: 16

End of the Wizards III : Who comes after us?

Looking back at the last two threads there seems to be somewhat of a general consensus that we've come to some kind of …impasse(?), that if we're not the last wizard, we will be the last wizards of our kind.

Question is who, if anybody, will come after us?

To me it's ridiculously obvious that the subculture(s) that the wizards, outsiders, outcasts, losers, etc resided in are completely in the hands of the normalfags, right down to the degeneracy contained within them. (Now, it seems like it's starting to consume them but that's another topic maybe).

Some anons in the last thread have argued that wizards should erect ever higher walls to keep out the normalfags from their hobbies but I say that's a futile and exhaustive exercise thanks in no small part to retard-proof internet access.

I think wizards, of the current generation at least, have to make peace that what was once theirs, is no longer. (Older wizards I'd think are beyond caring at this point since they've sort of defeated time.)
R: 20 / I: 0

I can't even speak to the opposite sex

For about 4 years now I have spoken to a female zero times when ever I am approached by a female which I pretty rare I can't even say hi. I am basically a mute when females are around. The reason for me not being able to talk to females is extreme mental trauma from middle and high school from females that would harass me and bully me for years. All I can think about when a female approaches me are those bully's from high school. I really don't know what to do at this point.

Also for the mods that might read this I do not think I am breaking rule 2 when I am posting this because I am not talking about real succubi in a sexual sense it is about talking to them for any reason other than a sexual reason.I don't need or want a succubus to pleasure myself I can do it myself.
R: 306 / I: 33

Suicide General

The last suicide general has hit the bump limit.
Previous thread:
>>237143
R: 21 / I: 3

CREATE YOUR OWN LIFE


Friedrich Nietzsche described well what the journey of life looks like for the rare and very STRONG men who dare to SYMPATHIZE with MGTOW. For the few men who dare to break free from the slavery imposed on men by society and succubi.

He described the journey for men who become MGTOW as a transformation from being a camel to becoming a lion. To finally become like a superhuman.

First, virtually all men are simple stupid camels. All men are raised by society and succubi to be camels. The camel is good at carrying heavily, for long distances through a snuff-dry desert, scalded by the sun and constantly thirsty. When the camel can no longer bear it, it is left to die. Just as men are left today, it is basically only men who die during working hours and in war, just as it always has been. The camel is a metaphor for men's slavery to succubi, slavery to society (which has been created precisely to meet succubi's ever-increasing needs), slavery under invention as duty, religion, tradition, for the opportunity to "win" useless things such as honor and pride. As if it is the insatiable & constantly dissatisfied and greedy succubi, or their society, who determine the value of men! It is not.

Some camels therefore wake up one day and wonder what the hell is the reward for all the hard work. An early death? Bad health? To be a slave without gratitude or sufficient reward? Just too little confirmation from fake and ungrateful succubi and society? No. It is a meaningless life for a man who wants to be free. Then these camels turn into lions.

The lion is free, it roams alone in the desert, it is its own master. Goes where it wants, when it wants, and does what it wants. It lives for itself, refuses to align itself, refuses to be ashamed, refuses to obey. It is fearless despite thousands of hateful feminist succubi and their male camels screaming at the lion to do as it is told. The lion says NO.
R: 32 / I: 3

edgy degenerate

How i do stop being a complete edgelord? most conversations i have devolves into goth tier loathing and in the few voice chats i tried forcing myself to join i could only say slurs and make everyone mad at me. at least part of it is due to the fact that one of my only dopamine sources is unironically watching gore videos and sometimes masturbating to dead succubi. i have practically no social skills and im a dead end autistic schizo loser who is quite possibly the ugliest scariest most boring man alive. any ideas? thanks.
R: 3 / I: 0

Penalties of being different

Anyone else encounter people treating them differently than others? Growing up people always kept me at a distance. I was called weird without really doing much but being myself.
R: 26 / I: 3

Question

Has anyone else here survived a suicide attempt? My cognitive skills are a little worse ever since but what hurts more than anything is my soul
R: 79 / I: 7
Kiwi farms created a thread about me. its impossible to get a thread deleted in there,what should i do
R: 25 / I: 2
Will anyone cry when you die? Will you have a funeral?

No and no for me. I'm lonewolf since parents died. I have nobody, only people that would even know is coworkers.
R: 15 / I: 3

Sick and old

>Be a wizard
>Eyes aren't as good as they used to be
>Can't read for extended periods or watch screens without getting bad eye strain that lasts days
>Have life long illness that causes moving to be painful some times
>Try to paint warhammer figure
>Have to stop after ten minutes because of pain
>Can't do any movement based activities for very long
>Can't watch screens for very long
>Handheld gaming consoles used to be fine on the eyes
>Are slowly causing eye strain too
>Old style light bulbs are banned
>New style light bulbs make eye strain happen faster
>Losing the ability to do anything but sit and exist
R: 14 / I: 1

Psychotic Depression

Wondering if any other wizards suffer from this, so here's a General thread for depression with psychotic features and other psychotic/quasi-psychotic disorders.

Dealing with MDD without getting medicated for years, combined with DPH/DXM usage lead to my demise. Constant paranoia, spiders on the wall, shadows in the dark and flashing lights. Breathing/whispering emanating from my bed and whatnot. Etc. Abilify made things worse if anything. Sorry for the disorganized speech if it's there.
R: 15 / I: 4

ostracised and despised everywhere I go

in every community I have tried to fit in with I wasn't really welcome especially if I didn't act particularly reserved or spoke my mind/ was "myself".

I absolutely hate this I feel like I am in a prison with no key, I just wanna be in a community where I can be myself and speak what I am thinking without people calling for my ban.

I dunno what to do I just want a social group, people to be friends with/people who have something more than reserved disdain for me, whenever I interact with people it's always the same cycle that plays out with me being received rather positively and then it slowly gets worse and worse.

I may be the issue, I don't fuarrrking know I just wamt a community/friends maybe it's me who has unreasonably high standards for friendships maybe I am unreasonable or take things that weren't meant as insults as insults,

even at the darkest corners of the internet, the place for rejects and mifits I find myself ostracised and can't seem to fit in, if even at these furthest corners I fail what hope do I have? am I just a genetic dead end

maybe I am aiming too high with trying to emulate the things I see in 2d in 3d, is this truly the best in this world? I don't know

I have been pondering leaving all my communities and continuing further this retreat from reality. is that the only solution?
R: 153 / I: 16

What holds you from killing yourself?

Why do you still cling to this disgusting existence you endure wizard? What hold you back?
R: 7 / I: 0

Good Bad and Ugly

Good people can call for the death of an innocent man as revenge for a criminal dying.

They judge based on genetics over behavior or character, altruism and love are materialistic.

Why do we pretend like good people are anything more than law abiding sheep?
R: 9 / I: 3
It might be a bit redundant to ask on a page like this, but let's assume you had access to a button that immediately kills you. No pain, just instant lights out. Would you got for it or already have pressed it? What would it take to make you press it?
Let's take it further. Every human being from the moment it is born has access to this button. Even the most normal of normalfags sooner or later, especially in their teens, has moments were they are frustrated and contemplating suicide. With all the obstacles like having to set up your death and possibly suffering out of the way, would they overhastily die?
How would this affect suicide numbers and humanity in general and assuming they would go up, would this expose our society as much more instable than it wants to admit?
R: 45 / I: 3
I really think psychology and psychiatry being portrayed as a cure for mental illness has done considerable harm to the mentally ill. It has shredded all sympathy for the mentally ill because people genuinely do believe going to a psychologist and a psychiatrist is a magic cure. Anyone that's repetitively suffering and causing mischief is met with "Well go get professional help and fix it". Most mental illness is managed at best and completely untreatable at worst. The reason the psyche wards rely so heavy on anti-psychotic meds as a calming factor is that the best they can achieve, for most people, is to stop the violent sperging. The people with the self awareness, intelligence and social support necessary to make gains on their condition are the lucky few. And even then it's an incremental walk up a steep hill and the littlest things can send them crashing back down.

There is also a needed level of confidence, self assuredness and self awareness that's required for people to even make the most of professional help, and once you have that you're at the point you can make it on your own anyway. The chronically bullied kid isn't always going to open up and be honest about the bullying he receives, and without that honesty, he ends up taking the professional down unrelated paths. People are often deeply ashamed about their true problems and insecurities that they'll just be honest about their minor ones. Not every loser has the honesty of the crabs or the wizards, some like to pretend they're something they're not.

The most damaging thing is that psychology and mental health help is about sucking the money off the ones that either don't want to or can't get better. Their bread and butter is the histrionic housewives that want to complain about their lives and be self validated. They'll get those types in for decades at a time. Any actual wizard with problems is a less important, less reliable client. People with genuine mental illnesses miss appointments, miss payments (they're broke duh) and are unreliable. The insincere ones are their pay piggies.
R: 15 / I: 1
losing my ability to form sentences and write in correct grammar.
why is this happening to me, it's like im losing my ability on how to write correctly and form sentences correctly. if i were to do an english test like one i did 2 years ago (i scored 100% in it btw) i don't even think i could score 80%
R: 90 / I: 3

What would you do?

If
>everyone around you knows everything about you
>police tells everything you do to your parents
>your entire city is trolling you
>you're considered a faggot
>you have no job/income

This is the tragic situation I am in, so tell me I am looking for solutions
R: 126 / I: 10

The effects of increasing competitiveness

Compared to 20-30 years ago and earlier, having a meaningful impact in any field or area of interest is at least an order of magnitude more difficult, due primarily to an increase in competition in all fields. This is normally mentioned in the context of how it affects the average person, like how a college degree isn’t an edge anymore. The effects of this on ambitious people are even more severe, though. It’s not possible to keep up with and contribute to the state of the art in anything unless you are an extreme workaholic with no neuroses or vices whose household is entirely taken care of by someone else.
Every single thing is just so saturated. It makes pursuing anything earnestly a waste of time. It’s like trying to pursue manifest destiny after all of the land has been claimed. If you weren’t groomed into a specific field from childhood it’s over.
There’s an entire generation of smart, capable people just rotting on the vine.
R: 16 / I: 1

delaying the inevitable

>zoomer, turning 21 in a couple weeks
>suicidal since childhood
>middle school dropout due to illness, absolutely no qualifications, living as a NEET since

Been lurking here for years now and see a lot of people older than me who've been through years of abuse and suffering. I've been through stuff but obviously, I haven't suffered for as long comparatively. Should I end it here before it gets worse or should I at least try and make things better?

I can think of multiple things from the top of my head that could help (going for therapy again once i've saved enough, going back and finishing high school etc).

Could probably turn things around if I really tried hard enough. I don't think I have it as bad as some other anons around.

Am I stupid for being too lazy to make things better? Feel like I'm stalling the inevitable

Any oldfags wished they'd kill themselves sooner?
R: 12 / I: 0

this city

>main sidewalks are 3 feet away from speeding cars
>housing is too expensive
>somehow fitting more and more people into the city despite high rent
>parks are full of homeless' tents
>constant noise from cars

I hate it. I hate the noise. I hate the fear of being hit by cars. I hate the fear of being mugged. I hate hate hate it and I can't see a way out.

It feels like nothing I could ever do would be enough and so I sit and watch things get worse and it depresses me.
R: 10 / I: 4
Can medications really save one from suicide?

I feel like I may actually succumb to my suicidal ideations if I don't get help soon.
R: 127 / I: 13

Is knowledge harmful? Ae normalfags right?

Is it better to be a normalfag? a non thinking drone content with the simple pleasures and thus immoral to lead others to questioning the world around them and having an open mind?

My family thinks the former so let me share a story of recent and ask your opinions my magik brethren. My mother is very upset that I have been talking to my younger brother about philosophy and just how to think as she claims it will alienate him from being able to converse with the average person and that it is harmful.
For some context I have "complex mental health issues" rendering me dysfunctional however I strive to be logical.
My mother in her wisdom has expressed she does not want my brother reading books or learning to think about anything beyond a surface layer as he has expressed how awful the world appears to be.

Is it wrong to open someone's mind and help them think for themselves? Are normalfags correct in intentionally limiting their perception and questioning honing a wilful ignorance?
What is to be gained from being able to deconstruct reality and point out the "facts" as they appear to be.

I hate to come off as grandiose and conceited so keep in mind I personally disagree with the following but my Mother claims as psychiatrists have that I am highly intelligent something I disagree with since I know so little and others know much more than I do about what I know plus may have interests which are foreign to me yet she says she does not want my Brother to end up special needs like myself and claims that thinking is wrong and bad for you.

My mother quipped about how I am unable to relate to men in a club/bar(never been) yet able to play the part but wont enjoy their company and this is bad I tried to explain that having an open mind and learning about various things allows me to interact with anyone and discuss various ideas learning from a diverse range of people yet she is very angry I have been encouraging my Brother to read "strange books" which to her means anything at all that you will not see promoted on television or her normalfag facebook group I suppose.

Do normalfags truly hate thinking? I strongly suspect that the regular person is very aware of the realities of life being horrible yet are excellent at remaining optimistic and I do no think we are better as wizards perhaps we are in the wrong because after all what worth does misery have when you can be ignorant?
R: 306 / I: 26

Depression Crawl Thread XXXV

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
R: 15 / I: 1
I have realized that I don't enjoy the community here, and my hatred of it is why I don't feel comfortable opening up at all. It's just the same thing over and over again with the same kind of people dominating the dialogue with the same stuff.
R: 34 / I: 6

Book Recommendations

Could I trouble some of you for a recommendation on some books you find as a "must read"? I am especially looking for genres such as philosophy, something that could profoundly alter the way I view the world, or at least enlighten it.

Many thanks for any replies.
R: 18 / I: 1

How do you cope?

I've come to the realisation that life is an endless cope, so I was wondering how my fellow wizards cope.
R: 36 / I: 1
How do you get a job if you've never worked and you are over 30 years old? Anyone have any experience with this? I've come up with several plausible explanations to tell an employer if they question your huge gap in working:
>say something like "My grandmother had Alzheimer's and I had to take care of her during the last years of her life"
>lie on your resume and put down fake companies that are now defunct
>say that you had a medical condition that prevented you from working (do NOT specify what is was) and assure the employer that you can now work
What else can you say? To be more specific, I want to find an entry level office job but I also know having no prior employment is going to be an issue.
R: 79 / I: 6

How did it get this bad?

Everything is bullshit. Everything is a lie.

The way we're expected to exist within this framework of constant misinformation is to either remain in a bubble where all of the shit sold to us is still true out of sheer ignorance or delude yourself into believing the bubble is still there once it pops.

If you do manage to remain in the bubble (which is basically only possible if you're rich, a succubus, or completely braindead), there's a chance the resulting emotional and psychological repression will either turn you into a violent, neurotic mess or drive you insane. But, if the bubble does pop and you want to keep the delusion alive, look forward to becoming some sort of functional addict in order to make that happen. Your whole life becomes a constant effort to stop yourself from thinking too much or at all.

The default mode that most humans exist in today is one of denial and delusion. A complete disassociation from reality. The ultimate goal of modern humanity is not to understand oneself and others but to avoid true understanding at any cost, because knowing yourself and what you really want will inevitably lead to questioning society and its systems. This is, of course, unacceptable to most people and they, out of some misplaced sense of self preservation, essentially commit spiritual suicide in order to keep existing comfortably within society.

This extreme kind of behavior then leads to anyone existing outside of this paradigm as a threat. Anyone who doesn't want to live their life that way or even just brings up the idea that the existing system might be flawed is met with outright hostility. No dissent can be tolerated, because, at this point, the system of delusion is so fragile and blatantly false that even the slightest push would cause a domino effect that would cause someone's entire belief system to come crashing down.

How the fuck did it get this bad? I mean, we may be living in what is literally the darkest possible interpretation of human existence. At least older shitty civilizations had the benefit of being forced to do stupid shit they didn't want to do, but what we have today is people choosing to live this way, or, at least, justifying the worst parts of it. It's completely unsustainable, and everyone knows it, but it somehow manages to continue on. It's maddening.
R: 49 / I: 2

Life Sucks Competition

My life sucks ass in a degree that I am sure exceeds infinitude. I am in a panera bread in the middle of a snow storm in Boise, Idaho. This is a quasi-help request. I do not fit in at all as a homeless man and I am scaring myself and others. I do not use drugs or alcohol because those are pretty much immediate "GO TO JAIL" cards analogously. I am trying to go to school and I fear that I am going to be arrested any day for being homeless here as it is a low-crime and low-homeless area. Wizards, please make me feel better. Please, tell me that your life sucks more than mine.
R: 60 / I: 11
I'm wondering, were any of you ever happy? From my time lurking here it seems like everyone has always been miserable
R: 74 / I: 5

Life is Hell

Don't even try.

Normies are born and raised to be competitive, parasitic, psychopaths.

If you're failed normie, just giveup they'll never accept you, normal logic is, feign morality, kindness etc when there's something down the line, someone who's destined to be a loser not a threat so keep to yourself, with them it's a cycle of sympathy, deception, use and discard, that's why being white or brown doesn't matter if you're loser or homeless , you're the all the same to a norman, they don't care about your efforts to appease them, if you're stupid enough to fight back, they will mock you call you retarded, cringe, etc and go back to hedonic treadmill.

Pic rel, mass-killer became lawyer, had the gf who loved him, still went ER, had scores of them show up to his trial.
R: 8 / I: 0

oh boy back 2 work

ANOTHER MONDAY
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


i should have just gone NEET until forced to homelessness then kms'd in minecraft.

my life is already over.
R: 23 / I: 0
>one chance at life
>catatonic schizophrenic, life was terrible even before I went totally insane, always had symptoms of psychomotor impoverishment/weird behavior since childhood, schizophasia
>someone who talked to me recently on discord said it was like talking with a monster
>already destroyed mentally, can't think clearly, no memory, no motivation
>have to kill myself before total catatonia sets in, don't have the nerve, stuck between two impossible outcomes

I'm so scared.

I wish I could show you what I've seen in my dreams.
R: 12 / I: 2

There's no escaping the universe

Even if humanity were to colonize the universe, it would all be meaningless. Yes, there are other planets with resources and stuff. So what? How is that special? How is that unique? How is that significant in any way?

Life, the universe, there is no escaping it and you're trapped. It's a closed system and you're here to suffer.
R: 273 / I: 29

Inventory is empty

Reading the end of the wizards thread I wondered:

What's it like to be a wizard without any hobbies or interests? (Or at least interests and hobbies that USED to be associated with wizards?)

I've been slowly shedding my old hobbies and interests as they became mainstream (even degenerate otaku porn fetishes have this slowly increasing normalcy) and now I'm down to a couple things I still enjoy a little.

Any wizards who actually live without any real hobbies? I know I'm asking for a lot but I'd like responses from actual wizards or people close to wizardhood like the latter half of your 20s.
R: 42 / I: 2

Self-medicating through food

Do you ever self-medicate depression through eating food?

I practically need chocolate, ice cream, pizza, candy bars, pastries, cake etc. daily or I can't sleep at all because my mood gets so low during the day.
The happiest I'm going to feel all day is 1-2 hours after eating, and during eating.

French fries and potato chips are also very soothing and improve the mood for a few hours. I do have to limit the eating to maybe 2000-2500kcal a day so I don't become obese.

At this point, I think eating is the only thing I look forward to in life. It's the only real thing giving me any joy anymore. Video games, movies etc. don't cut it anymore. I'm tired of them.
R: 9 / I: 0
I don't really want to be online anymore. I've spent years doing 16 hours a day at the computer.

But I get bad depressive episodes and the internet is a sort of soma that gets me through that. It can snap me out of a deep depression easily.

Last year I smashed my computer with a crowbar. I tore every component apart and threw it in the trash. It was a good few months, but the dark days were overwhelming. I don't really know how to deal with boredom either, I've never had to.

I've smsahed my computer a few times since then. I just end up getting cheap $100 ones from a second hand store, then after a few months I break it in an attempt to sort my life out.

I'm considering doing the same again today.
R: 136 / I: 8

At what age can you not turn your life around?

>29
>worthless polisci degree (2015)
>didn't work a job until 24
>have had 14 jobs and quit them all within a year or less
>haven't worked more than 2 months at a job since almost 2 years ago
>live at home, never paid rent
>never made more than 16/hr doing almost entirely what amounts to stocking shelves in grocery stores
>schizoid
>misanthropic
>lack the natural affect and social fluidity that makes interactions with people smooth due to years of isolation
>can't stand interacting with people in a professional way
>get really anxious, feel panicky, etc
I got a job where I had to go into 711's, convenience stores, etc and talk to the store managers about shelf space for our candy bars and buying displays. I couldn't handle it. The idea of having to ingratiate and grovel to someone i don't want to talk to so some anonymous faggot company can make more profit just made me so angry. I ghosted after 2 weeks of training and one week of sitting in my car outside the stores to spoof the companies GPS on our tablet.

Is it over? Should I just move to some small town in the midwest and stock shelves at the local grocery store and hide from the vicious judgement and shame of the east coast yuppies who i was supposed to be a part of?
R: 303 / I: 34

Wageslave General

About to get fired edition

                                                                             
R: 15 / I: 0
About to blow my brains out in a panera bread over my math homework. Surrounded by old ladies eating carb-dense meals and feeling so suicidal. I have nobody to celebrate independence day with besides you decaying cocksuckers.
R: 19 / I: 1

Has anyone here regret not killing himself when he had the chance to?

Did things got better or worse ? What made you re-think suicide ?
Why we keep procrastinating suicide in hope for a better future when we know damn too good nothing has changed and never will ?
R: 10 / I: 0

Have you ever had/lost a friend online?

Usually Wizards are solitary steering clear from socializing in any form so they may concentrate on uncovering the mysteries of the universe as is our nature however on a rare occasion when out foraging for medicinal herbs or traveling along the plains we come across another wizard and against all odds form a friendship.
Have you had a friend online Wizards? How did this friendship come about and do you still maintain contact? Have you lost a friend and have you been able to get over it?

This Wizard has had a friend and after much thought now considers relationships as poison of the soul for you may feel joyous sharing spells and discussing topics only a wizard could speak of amongst themselves but when your trusty owl is unable to deliver messages and you have to return to dwelling in the forest alone with no other soul alike yours again it only brings you pain.

You see the hedonic treadmill is real however one may adjust to their new normal but will never forget their previous state of spirits high sharing your wisdom with another wizard as you will forever remember what those brief moments felt like and no matter how good they were they taint your experience of life ever after and as wizards live such a long time it is all the more painful.
R: 22 / I: 1
The Internet is done
Videogames is done
Comics is done
Movies is done
Anime is done
Everything ruined by normies the best thing for wizards is absolute social isolation and live in nature
R: 20 / I: 2
Surely enough my boss was actually named Karen. One day she sat me down and told me I was being demoted because I wasn’t communicating well with the other employees.

The next day she sat me down again and told me that I was fired on the basis of “not fitting in” and she thought that I did not belong. I did not disclose my autism when I took this job. But it is nonetheless hypocritical for a disability nonprofit to not be accepting of differences.

This organization takes in money and puts on this narrative of pretending to care about the disability community.
But their real colors show when someone who is “different” is hired. My family have been saddened by my termination and the ableist reason behind it.

My online friend wanted me to file a wrongful termination lawsuit. But it’s not like I want the job back. Why would I even want to work with those people again?

The bottom line is, neurotypicals are demons and monsters, and even a nonprofit who claims to work for the betterment of disabled people and solidarity+tolerance towards difference will fire you for being autistic.
Society hates aspergers and autistic males so much it's unreal, unless they're some kind of hyper-high functioning wizkid billionaires like Elon Musk (and even he gets mocked for things like his SNL performance being too "autistic").
R: 32 / I: 5

Worse is yet to come.

We're so screwed when the west collapses in a chain reaction of capitulation to left wing lunacy and consumerism as they just "love each other", silent behavior to inequality of suffering and you aimlessly wage slave away your best years, I hope you're happy.
R: 36 / I: 4

What's your relationship with your parents like?

How did they affect you growing up?
How do they affect you to this day?
How do you feel about them?
R: 49 / I: 4
How are most normalfags happy with a meaningless existence? It seems like most of them sit around watch tv and get high.
R: 17 / I: 0
Why normalfags are so opposed to euthanasia? Why they worship suffering and call it blessing?
R: 95 / I: 9

Grudges

This thread is for posting grudges you hold. Whether it be against a person, place, thing, idea, what do you hate? You don't need to explain why, but you can if you want.

I'll start with mine. I fucking hate homosexuals. It's not a political thing even, I just want them to not exist. I would be fine if we could somehow ship them all to mars and let them have their own little fag planet, I just hate them and want them gone. I also fucking hate v-tubers. Something about them just makes me super pissed, I don't even know what.
R: 1 / I: 0
If I could just be a good student I could relax knowing my future is secure and I won't have to worry about money. In this world if you don't have money you don't have life. Even if you live in the richest country on Earth you can fall in living like the people in the 3rd world without money. It all depends on you doing a bunch of meaningless tasks for a piece of paper so you can have the privilege of sacrificing your life for more paper but green this time. I've been taking care of myself physically. I've been strength training 3x a week and I eat completely healthy. I feel just fine physically. Great even. Yet I still think about suicide when my incapable brain fails to allow me to do school work and study every day like a normie because if I can't do that I can't get the green paper for food and shelter. What a waste of a perfectly healthy body.
My assignment is overdue and I don't even feel bad about it this time. I used to get very anxious about my procrastination but I just don't this time. It's so easy for me to jut push it out of my mind. I feel like my body isn't evolved to give a fuck about pointless assignments.
R: 13 / I: 0

Keep getting arrested for doing nothing.

Guys I was just sitting around just sitting and like five PA U.S.A Cops arrested me, detained me for two days, and then put me on house arrest, for doing literally nothing. I'm off house arrest now, my internet and phone services have been restored, and I just have to say, what the fuck. Does anyone know what is going on. I've been banned from both 4chan AND reddit for mentioning this and it's fucking horrible.
R: 78 / I: 9

women

the funniest part about the female is their focus on being kind and empathetic. i have not met a single succubus in my whole life who has had the empathy and goodheartedness of an average guy. im genuinely convinced they feel very little empathy or remorse for whatever reason. its also funny how little we can do in our world without succubi interjecting into whatever youre doing and making everything just a little more difficult. videogames, tv, films, books, art. its all been ruined by or ‘for’ succubi. genuinely besides basic neccesities try to think of a hobby or task or anything you do that hasnt been made harder by succubi. i dont hate succubi for this even its just so amazing how worshipped they are
R: 9 / I: 0

Waiting till parents die

I know how horrible this sounds but:am I the only one who fantasizes about living without rules,paternal supervision, family ties etc?
Also all i'll inherit, having my own place,etc
I feel my life will be 50 times better if im alone and rich
R: 61 / I: 6

Is death that really bad?

After all you don't feel anything, not pain, the absence of pleasure etc, you won't feel any negative feeling, you won't worry about anything.
R: 19 / I: 1

PART 1

There's nothing worse than being shizotypal
I have weird annoying psychological issues that intervene with life and especially social life, I do volunteer work because social workers make me, i need to take medication so i can work a couple of days and appear normal.

I constantly need to switch volunteer work because i manage to weird people out given a few weeks working there…
>Today it happened again, there's this succubus at work that sits in the same office as me, she's always super nice to me which is always a bad sign because my autism can't handle it.
My mind works against me, someone is nice to me ? great let's manage to make it super awkward and fuck it up.

To give some information, there's a problem i have with radio and music in public spaces more specifically work places. I had an episode that relates to that. Basically i start relating feelings and emotion to the music that's being played, i relate emotion to the lyrics being sung etc. That's a big issue because the music on radio stations are 90% about love sex or relationships (akwardness intensifies)
R: 15 / I: 3

How do you take a break from the internet when it becomes a chronic addiction?

I've seen way way too much shit today to quickly, finding pedo shit on tor browser, a Nigerian succubus locked up in a cage that got tortured for 8 months, finding out what 2 babies 1 fox was, finding out the case of raymond fife and 100s of brutal reports of black on white violence. I'm too fucking scared and sad and I need a break considering I've seen shit like that on the internet for god knows how long man but never that much awful shit that quickly in a fucking day
R: 57 / I: 5

Weird Mentality

I was born with weird mentality. I give you few examples of it.

1. When they bullied me at school, sometimes I thought in my mind that perhaps they have reason for it and it may be partly my fault.
2. When they insulted me at school I did nothing about it, because I thought that if I want to push somebody in the face then I must have good reason for it and being insulted is not enough a reason. I couldnt in most cases insult back thanks to social phobia.
3. Teachers were mad at me when I were fighting with my bully few times at elementary school, so thanks to that I thought that I must avoid fighting with bullies no matter what, because teachers wont like it. So, after elementary school I practically havent fight with anybody, despite being bullied in every school I went to.
4. If somebody told me that I have to do something, the way he wants I did it (even if when in my mind I knew that I should do what I want instead of listening to some moron). If I did what somebody ordered me to do and I didnt like it, then in my mind I was insulting the guy who gave me order (I was calling him moron or something like that)
5. In the middle school even smaller guys than me bullied me, because of me being brainwashed by the teachers that fighting agaisnt bully is bad.
I m ashamed of that.
6. Lots of people yelled at me, mostly for no reason, just because they were frustrated. In the adulthood - I understood - thats just their mentality, which I dont have.
7. When I graduated from middle school, then I wanted to choose high school, but my mother recommended me other highschool, so I did what she wanted me to do and after years I was mad at her, because I could choose better highschool with better people, instead of listening to her.


Everything went so wrong… What do you think about me?
R: 61 / I: 5
I was raised to be a coward. Not be evil even when others are being evil towards me
>mom these kids are bullying me at school, I gotta fight back!
>don't do that son, don't be like them
then in adulthood
>mom some dude is being very disrespectful towards me
>it's not my business anon your an adult
R: 33 / I: 3

Envy

I always feel so uncomfortable when I am around someone more attractive than me or more successful than me. I hate hearing about other people’s achievements. I never buy anything I don’t absolutely need or watch videos so as to not give other people money and views and contribute to their success. I am a firm believer in secular humanism and believe that all successful people work hard to get to where they are, even though my rational side knows this isn’t true. Nevertheless I am a secular humanist.

Whenever I hear about someone like a family member or something who just got a full ride to Cornell or had kids or something I become green with envy. It is very difficult for me to communicate after hearing things like that and I usually have to get myself out of the situation and find something to take my mind off things. Who else is like this? I know there is a lot of spiteful bastards on here
R: 35 / I: 4

Annoying medical conditions?

I have chronic pruritus (itching) of unknown origin. Antihistamine meds help but they make me drowsy and retarded. This crap is driving me insane. Can't pinpoint the cause. Any other anons with seemingly random debilitating/annoying conditions like this?
R: 8 / I: 0
Am i the only one who is terrified of the process of falling asleep? I don't make any effort to avoid sleep but i hate it.so much lost time, and also lots of triggering dreams also.
R: 62 / I: 5

Anhedonia

How you guys cope with anhedonia? I can't do anything because of it.

I just lay in my bed all the day.
R: 43 / I: 2

"mentally ill" but do not think you are

Any other wizards here relate to being officially mentally ill but not actually feeling mentally ill or at least only a little?
For example I know I am fit the criteria for mental illness labels yet do not personally think I am anything more than weird and either too emotional or void of emotion.
We are just a bit different unless you are schizophrenic I think the term is overused and extends to vilifying what should be natural reaction to our environment.
The only use of a label like mental illness is retardbux and possibly treatment for some things if you feel it is needed. in the current age too many people claim to be mentally ill or are labelled as such.

>for example

Some family had an argument and got upset with me today saying they cannot handle how mentally ill I am as it is causing them to now be "mentally ill" themselves and I exclaimed I do not actually feel mentally ill.
My family were shocked and brung up that I self harm and cannot work but I retortd with I am miserable and sometimes hurt myself but that is normal for me.
Have any of you wizards had a similar experience and do not personally identify as mentally ill despite your mental struggles that may be very real.
R: 26 / I: 1

Alternatives to suicide

Ok wizzies, if the ultimate cope is not suicide, then what is it?
I can only see life becoming truly worth living in the intergalactic space war age, or if they allow me to do drugs while on leave at the army, because I think humans function better with constant fight. And I still don't consider it a good alternative to suicide, more for shit that lets you cope with the fact that you are coping with the fact that you can't bring yourself to kill yourself.
R: 7 / I: 1

Unable to participate in reality on any level -- Perpetual Observer

Everything in this world seems designed to taunt me. I thought I won a small victory over reality by quelling my desire for material things, but in return I've been saddled with an "intellectual" thirst and something approaching a creative drive. That seems like a fitting pursuit for those with a certain level of detachment from society, and indeed the histories, philosophies and natural sciences enjoy an avid readership among the niche imageboard crowd–this one being no exception.

Not me, though; God has given me the middle finger with this below-average IQ and learning disorder of mine. Now I gather books and media and information–I seek erudition or at least some salvation from the shitworld–but the means of comprehending and analyzing what I read are beyond me any attempts at sharing my thoughts are met with indifference at best and derision at worst. My hands are fucking useless–the passages I write are as incoherent and devoid of life as my inner world (which supposedly most solitary people have). I can't affect reality and I can't escape it either. Too insipid to create, too feeble to destroy.

Just a perpetual observer
R: 47 / I: 3
How do I enjoy Videogames again? I used to enjoy them a lot but know they just don't make it for me anymore.
R: 2 / I: 0
How do I stop being Jeb Bush

You guys are like him too right? Weak beta dork not respected
R: 77 / I: 11

Do you think normalfags are happy?

In sad and depressing days like this one I can't help but wonder if normalfags are happy, don't misunderstand it's not like a want a gf and sex but the few times I see normies they seem happier and more well adjusted than me, I wish I could just live a day in my life without my awful suicidal thoughts, without the pain, the fear, the sadness, without feeling like the entire world wants to destroy my psyche, I would like to laugh, to go to a coffee shop being happy and calm, I would like to say "Yeah today was a very good day" just because existence didn't hurt that day.

I sometimes envy their happiness, but it may be fake, if any of you have daily contact with normies could you tell me if they're happy? Or at least happier than the average wizard?
R: 29 / I: 2

It's Kind of a Funny Story

Did anyone else watch this movie or read the book?

It is supposed to be a novel and movie about depression and staying at a mental hospital. It just presents a really inaccurate depiction of what a mental hospital and depression really is.

If you are depressed, there is no Noelle who suddenly wants to kiss you and thinks you are edgy. There is no Dr. Minerva who wants to listen to you. There is no Aaron and Nia who give a shit about you. Staying at a mental hospital is a boring and miserable experience that is nothing more than holding you and drugging you.

I liked the movie more than the book, the book focuses on too many characters, and the movie is just more entertaining. The author Ned Vizzini committed suicide, which sends the wrong message.