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/dep/ - Depression

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R: 3 / I: 0

Hope/Gratitude/Repentance Thread

Feeling hopeful, grateful or guilty about something? Share it here, everyday if you want to.

You're encouraged to bring up your own older posts when the feeling calls for it.
R: 25 / I: 5

Depression Crawl Thread XVIII

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.

https://youtu.be/D83cMncj_Ig
R: 191 / I: 19

Wageslave General

searching for a way out edition

previous >>200881
R: 50 / I: 7

Never improving despite wanting to

I kept wondering how come I have these frequent moments where I feel like I woke up from a slumber and wonder how I could have let myself go so badly. Then I get the motivation to improve myself but soon I go back to my routine until the next "wake up" moment in a few months. How come all this time in all these years I didn't manage to improve my life even a bit? It has been like 9 years by now. More than enough time to improve yourself. It's quite shocking.

But now I realize why. Because I just don't have the discomfort tolerance for any kind of change. With some motivation I might start exercising but then comes a day where I just feel like I have no strength to go out so I stop the exercises for a day. Then for the next day. And the next. And quickly I forgot I've been exercising at all and go back to doing nothing. And same thing happens with any positive change I try to start like eating healthy, learning a language, reading, not spending so much time online…

Do I just need to keep at it? People keep saying that it gets easier but I haven't made this experience. Or do I just accept that this is who I am? A weak willed spineless worm?
R: 23 / I: 2
Does anyone else treat what should be entertainment like a job?

Whenever I play a game or watch a tv show or a movie, even when I enjoy it, I feel like it's a duty and I can't focus on anything else before I completed my backlog. I have this naive thought that I will start being productive once I ran out of games to play and movies to watch. It's like I'm afraid that I will miss out on something important. That some piece of entertainment might somehow offer a life changing experience.

Anyone can relate and theorize idea why that is?
R: 69 / I: 8
How did you or your parents ruined your life? What did cause your transformation to wizard?
R: 106 / I: 18

Drinking general

Who else drinking tonight by himself?

Drinking this fucker straight. 47% ABV. Toss in benzos and a weak opiate.
R: 80 / I: 8

Actual Wizards

How many of you are actual wizards?

How are you coping with regrets? I'd thought they'd subside by 30 but they've just gotten worse.
R: 178 / I: 20

Suicide General

The last suicide thread has hit the bump limit.
Previous thread:
>>195730
R: 38 / I: 2
Anyone here legit have brain damage?

I've never got a brain scan to confirm it, but I'm 99 percent sure I do. 10 years ago when I was 16 I was beaten really badly by a white knight. He hit me with a punch off guard and stomped on my head repeatedly. I was able to get up and go home and never saw a doctor, but I was never the same since that day.

I began stuttering even though I never did before that day, my grades tanked, my thinking became scattered, I became less coordinated, I forget words, even common words, very easily, and my typing speed tanked. I remember my goal used to be to be able to consistently type at 100 wpm and I did those online things to test it and I went from consistently being in the 80-90 wpm range all the way down to 35-40. I also remember literally nothing that happened before middle school, but who knows if that's related.

I think about getting a brain scan to confirm my suspicions but I know nothing can be done about it if that's the case, so why bother. Part of my likes to cling to hope that I just have some sort of mental block that I'll magically snap out of.
R: 34 / I: 9
>leave store without buying anything
>afraid that the owners thinks I shoplifted

>complain about the food in the restauraunt

>afraid that I got someone fired and they will try to get revenge on me

>don't eat at restauraunts because of the fear of them screwing up the order and me having to argue with them


>don't eat food from food stands because I'm afraid they don't have good food safety


>someone asks me for directions

>only later realize they were wrong
>afraid that something bad happened to the person because of my misdirections

>riding in the train

>ticket inspector comes
>afraid despite having a ticket because I might have lost it or bought the wrong one

>transfering money

>afraid that I entered the account number wrong even after checking 10 times

>ask psychiatrist for a specific pill

>hear him talking loudly and angrily about something in his room
>get the prescription
>afraid that he thinks I asked just to sell and called the police on me

>filling out forms

>afraid that I entered something wrong and will get sued for it later

What is wrong with me? Is there a name for this?
R: 24 / I: 0

driving anxiety

Anyone else having driving anxiety? Do you deal with it somehow? Any success stories? Any accidents? Scared of parking or of normie drivers judging you and telling you off?
My throat shrinks choking me, I feel like vomiting and I get temperature if I have to drive even if it's scheduled to be a week from now.
Despite living in a small town I still have to check every little corner and parking space on Google Maps before I drive anywhere and I'm still stressed out that there won't be any parking space available, I have no idea where I could possibly park out of ordinary places so in an extreme situation I could just pull off some random pontentially dangerous thing. I feel like one day I could be capable of causing something like that because of how airheaded and unskilled I am behind the wheel.
Out-of-town roads are better than town centre because there's less manouvering and other BS, no pedestrians, you just drive straight.

The only advice that I read was to
>just drive more bro, practice, practice
Altough I acknowledge that may be the only way it's still an unpleasant experience overall. When my dad dies (who does 99% of the driving) then all that responsibility will be set on my shoulders.
R: 74 / I: 11

Uniwiz General 2

This thread is for wizards who are permanent, unwilling students in highschool 2.0.
R: 321 / I: 63

Depression Crawl Thread XVII

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.

Please, be respectful to each other.
R: 3 / I: 0

The Egg Prison

Part I;
http://galactanet.com/oneoff/theegg_mod.html

I'm going to write a part II to this story:

You were on your way home when you died.

It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.

You had committed suicide, and that’s when you met me.

You stood up, and a look of horror overcame your face.

"Oh no. I'm still alive," you said, shaking slightly.

"You never really died," I said.

You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. "This place is that fucking 'Egg' story, isn't it?"

I had heard you talk about religions before, but to hear you refer to this place as the 'egg,' when I had repeated it to you so often was so strange that it caugh tme off guard. After a moment's pause, you started to run.

"You don't have any questions for me, like the other times?"

"PLEASE LET ME DIE."

I shook my head. I began to worry you would never 'mature' at this rate.

"I'm afraid I'm going to have to send you back as soon as possible."

In an act of futility, you picked up your pace, trying feebly to run farther away, as if it would do you any good.

"NO," you screamed as you soul was being assimilated into your next consciousness, "PL E A S E M AKE I T S T O"

And I sent you onto your next life.
R: 3 / I: 1

Assisted suicide

Hey guys level 1 wizard. This is my first and probably last post. I think it's time for me to leave this world. I'll spare you the details of why I wanna die, all I need from you guys is quick painless methods of suicide that don't involve guns and will work. Thanks.
R: 11 / I: 0

Pls respond

Level 25 wiz here. How should I handle my current situation?

I've managed to unfuck myself over the last 3 months but the intense depression has returned now. The weight of having cut ties with all my family on bad terms (police involved), living by myself alone, hating my wagecuck job and having to "fit in", having to shoplift shit to get by. Knowing everyone that knows me either pity, hate me, find me repulsive or all at the same time. All this weight is hitting me now.

I know this is a disease, I've surfed waves before by having routines and hobbies, but this wave is intense. The feeling of intense grief without the passion of having lost someone, the intense feeling of fear, the cravings. This shit is totally derailing my routine and wagecuck job.

Haven't been able to approach my state sponsored shrink, fucker hates me as a patient, I am well aware of my flaws.

I don't want to go back to the psych ward, end up in ER or snap or get fired again, so what the fuck should I do to remove this feeling?

>kill yourself

I know, done before, not yet.
R: 28 / I: 1
Is it possible to get a job as 24yo neet with an empty resume and no qulifications at all? I'm an ugly kv so jobs that involve customer interaction are probably out of question as my looks would drive customers away.
R: 12 / I: 1

body language

I think my body language makes sometimes fake signs.

Why I know that? Because normies often tell me that I look like I m scared and stressed even when I m not, even when I dont feel these feelings at all.

I want to erase these fake signs that I make, but I dont know how yet. Do you have same experiences?
R: 27 / I: 2

Real life conversation

To have a ,,normal" conversation in real life you have to think quickly and reply in quickly way.
I cant do that I think slowly. Even on internet before i make a post I have to think on a while. It is impossible for me in most cases to think and reply quickly.

I dont know if I have mental illness or something.

Sometimes I have moments when my brain feels empty when I lack thoughts. I must have time to create thoughts.

Therefore most people think that I m retarded.
R: 20 / I: 3
Does anyone else wonder what they did with all their time on earth so far? 28 years… and I know that the thought of feeling like you wasted your time isn't uncommon but usually it's on a higher level. Like people with jobs, who live on their own, maybe even have a family…

But I'm like a baby with 0 life experience. Never had a proper job, dropped out of college early, never had a serious hobby, haven't read any of the classic novels that get referenced everywhere, don't read books, haven't traveled, don't know how to cook, don't know how to drive, don't know how to properly do household chores… and of course all the wizard staples like no friends and relationships… It feels so alienating. I can't partake in any conversation about any topic really. Starting anything feels so overwhelming. I haven't even managed to apply any self help advice consistently. Like I will read how certain vitamins might help with fatigue and never go around ordering them. Or read about the benefits of meditation and exercise to only do it once. Anything but browsing message boards, watching tv, playing mindless online games overwhelms me.
R: 9 / I: 3

Hi

Hi. I’m Carson, I recently turned 19. Forgive me if I do or say something outside of the norm here, I’m new to wizard Chan and image boards in general. I suffer from severe depression and I am a kiss-less virgin (almost what I guess you call an “apprentice wizard”?). I dropped out of school in the 8th grade at my parents request and I have spent the last several years of my life at home, alone. I have social anxiety and terribly disabilitating depression. I long for social interaction and friendship. I am considering returning to school for my senior year (I can test out of the first 3 years of high school, should I want to), but I don’t know if it is the right thing for me. I am terribly awkward around people. Someone online suggested that Wizard Chan might be the place for me. So here I am. I must also ask, is everyone here a virgin by choice, necessity, or because they can’t get a girlfriend?
R: 53 / I: 3

Is suicide really THAT devastating for the family?

All I head is that the family will be devastated yada yada, but really? Yes, It will be hard for them for a few years, but you will eventually be forgotten. What is your opinion on the family impact wizs?
R: 33 / I: 6

no point in posting

anybody else fail to see the point in posting anything anymore?
i used to write 100 posts a day sometimes on various chans. as time went on, i got more and more cynical and hated people so much i wanted to lessen my interaction with them. the first signs of this were when I'd subconsciously stop writing helpful, kind posts with good grammar, and began writing half-assed shitposts instead. now people accuse me of being a phoneposter but i don't even own a phone, i actually just don't give a fuck.
the few posts i do write now (about a dozen a week) get very few/no replies, even the ones i work relatively hard on or think are funny or want people's opinions on. this is like confirmation to me i shouldn't bother.
i had more to say but i lost motivation around half way through writing this. im just gonna post what i have even though it's unfinished.
R: 12 / I: 2
I told the police and doctors I planned on killing many people before I killed myself, and that it would happen over the next few days. Nothing came of it and they sent me home
I feel exactly like Patrick Bateman at the end of American Psycho, where he realizes that there's no consequences and everything is superfluous. For all the paranoia people feel about 'being locked away and force fed drugs' for expressing mental illness, the opposite is true. I looked the nurse square in the eye and I said "If I was in the States, and had access to guns, I'd be committing a mass shooting right now" and nothing happened, nothing at all. I expressed in detail how I'd kill as many people as possible before killing myself, and nothing came of it.

And I read about the recent mass shooters, being in trouble and expressing their murderous intentions, and nothing happened to them either. They just kept on going until they did it.



And that's the more jarring truth, they just don't even care enough to stop you.
R: 75 / I: 5
What was the last good year of your life? 2012 is the last year I can say with 100% certainty that I was happy, everything ater it was only downhill.
R: 10 / I: 1

I ruined my face

I don't have much to confide in. Im skinny fat, borderlining manlet, awkward, poor and dont have much special talents or hobbies. but 1 thing that always cheered me up was my face. i wasnt chad or anything, but definitely like pretty boy or something along those lines

I noticed i had abit of a fine line around my mouth late last year, i then started picking at it and exfoliating it (too hard) and it became swollen and red. when the swelling gone down it left this raised mark on it that just doesnt go away

Now i was devastated. its been like this for over half a year now and i didnt see much improvement. the only thing that made me feel kinda good about myself was gone. I feel like a hideous freak or a monster and feel bad for those who have to put up looking at me

Had I been born ugly perhaps I would have accepted it, it would be just a stroke of bad luck in the genetic lottery. But i did this to myself. I ruined my face and I feel so much regret and just want to kill myself. every waking moment where i am reminded of this just fills me with sadness and regret and anxiety. I dont even enjoy vidya anymore since seeing the good looking characters saddens me. Hell even looking at other non-ugly people reminds me of it and makes me want to die.

Any other wizards here /ugly/ or engages in self sabotage in fits of anger or regret? how do you put up with it? also vent thread i guess
R: 20 / I: 6
Do you think playing video games with depression is a bad idea?

Competetive games make me sad because I don't have the intelligence or dexterity to compete with others. When I keep losing and losing and losing it just makes me feel terrible because I can't even succeed in games and it makes me feel like an even bigger failure than already. Even more when I see others brag about their winrates and achievements while saying they don't play a lot.

Singleplayer games make me angry when I can't get past some point while everyone else is saying it's "easy as fuck". The anger gets worse when I seek a video game board for advice only to be called a retard or to "git gud".

Any game with a heavy RNG element makes me angry because it feels like I am unlucky.

Even slower adventure games make me sad with their puzzles that I just can't solve. At this point after being called retarded so often and failing at everything I am wondering if I should ask my psychiatrist for an IQ test.
R: 30 / I: 1

Insanity

Do you ever wonder if spending a significant amount of time alone is driving you slowly insane? Like finding it harder to separate daydreaming from reality, not being aware of things happening around you, changing the ways in which you react to situations and external stimuli etc?
R: 8 / I: 1

trapped in my head

since a few years back i grew to despise the situation i am living in. im a teenager and living with narcissistic parents. i am also politically incorrect and study in a very,very leftist school,with almost no freedom in my life.

ive figured out i should develop myself and understand my situation to "escape the matrix" so to speak. first i came into contact with nofap,and tried it like a damn masochist for a full year,before giving time to politics and history and etc

i am in a very hard situation. i chose to focus on myself before trying nofap again but ive really fucked up my head trying to be someone i am not

i usually did something pleasurable like masturbating and them forced it into being some rite of passage,and acting like i got everything under control after that. i aways failed after 2-4 days.

trying to make commitments for some reason is screwing me,i get negative or obsessive thoughts like im fighting against it,and i feel apatic and "not in the mood"

on the other hand no commitments leaves me no solid ground,i have no willpower to continue,the comfort addiction is too strong

what should i do? push tru the apathy and keep going or focus on a slower development or something else?
R: 37 / I: 3

No willpower

I just can't get over how little willpower I have.

I wanted to pull an all nighter to fix my sleep schedule but I already feel like going to sleep and it's still morning. I thought about having a short nap at least but I am almost certain I will then sleep through again.

Since I feel like shit all the time fixing my diet is an important step but cooking anything but a frozen meal overwhelms me. I tried to eat some simple healthy food like frozen vegetables but they taste so bland that it makes eating a chore.

I thought I could at least get some supplements but I have no drive to research them and you need to do research since there is so much bullshit being sold.

I should also exercise but even walking to the supermarket nearby feels like work.

I just don't know how am I supposed to get out of this hole if I don't have the willpower.
R: 10 / I: 0

Coping

How do you deal with the fact that you're going to die alone? Whether by your own hand or by circumstance.
I often feel like I have a hole in me which cannot be filled anymore. Even if I had a father or a best friend or a girlfiend, I feel like I would feel be more of a burden on them.
I have some much neglect, I feel like I've missed out on so much and yet I just can't even imagine a scenario where I'd be truly happy.
R: 3 / I: 0

daydreaming

>And what loving-kindness, oh Lord, what loving-kindness I felt at times in those dreams of mine! in those "flights into the sublime and the beautiful"; though it was fantastic love, though it was never applied to anything human in reality, yet there was so much of this love that one did not feel afterwards even the impulse to apply it in reality; that would have been superfluous. Everything, however, passed satisfactorily by a lazy and fascinating transition into the sphere of art, that is, into the beautiful forms of life, lying ready, largely stolen from the poets and novelists and adapted to all sorts of needs and uses. I, for instance, was triumphant over everyone; everyone, of course, was in dust and ashes, and was forced spontaneously to recognise my superiority, and I forgave them all. I was a poet and a grand gentleman, I fell in love; I came in for countless millions and immediately devoted them to humanity, and at the same time I confessed before all the people my shameful deeds, which, of course, were not merely shameful, but had in them much that was "sublime and beautiful" something in the Manfred style. Everyone would kiss me and weep (what idiots they would be if they did not), while I should go barefoot and hungry preaching new ideas and fighting a victorious Austerlitz against the obscurantists. Then the band would play a march, an amnesty would be declared, the Pope would agree to retire from Rome to Brazil; then there would be a ball for the whole of Italy at the Villa Borghese on the shores of Lake Como, Lake Como being for that purpose transferred to the neighbourhood of Rome; then would come a scene in the bushes, and so on, and so on
i cannot watch an anime or read a book of fiction without feeling the urge to pause every 5 or so minutes and insert myself into one of the plot lines or themes which would give me unbridled control over the feelings of others; to be a savior or a hero whom others prostrate themselves before you begging for recognition only to be callously and obstinately ignored, accumulating fervid emotion for you in the hearts of those once commanding figures now willingly coerced into submission by the awesome power of your character- i feel i am more alive in my wildest dreams than i am actually living my life
R: 12 / I: 0

How to beat comfort addiction?

I was reading a thread about drug addiction and someone said that you never stop being an addict and the only way is to stay away from drugs as it only takes one taste to go back to using them. Many agreed.

This made me think: is it possible that I have an addiction to comfort? I am not addicted to any drugs or even the internet or video games or porn. I have no problems living without these things. But I have to be cozy. Maybe this explains why all my self-improvement attempts quickly fail when I decide to sleep a bit longer, not go out jogging in cold weather, go to bed instead of doing something on my checklist…

But how can I quit comfort? I biologically need sleep. I need to eat. My body needs normal temperatures. It's not like a drug that is not necessary for survival and can be avoided.

Any ideas? Am I even on the right track?
R: 8 / I: 0
“The best thing for being sad," replied Merlin, beginning to puff and blow, "is to learn something. That's the only thing that never fails. You may grow old and trembling in your anatomies, you may lie awake at night listening to the disorder of your veins, you may miss your only love, you may see the world about you devastated by evil lunatics, or know your honour trampled in the sewers of baser minds. There is only one thing for it then — to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn.”
R: 14 / I: 3

Resolving negate thought spirals?

I don't know if there is a name for it but here is how I feel.

1. I hate my personality and my current life situation.
2. I feel too weak to change it.
3. I hate myself for being so weak.
4. I start wondering if I am really weak/depressed or if that's just an excuse and my personality sucks at a deep core.
5. I hate myself even more for being so devious to excuse my shitty personality with a mental illness.
6. I start wondering if thinking like this isn't just a part of depression.
7. I get even angrier at myself for looking for more external excuses.
8. I decide I need to stop looking for external excuses and start acting right.
2. I feel too weak to change myself.
repeat…

How do I leave this spiral? I feel like I can't trust my thoughts since they come from my faulty mind. Whether it's really depression or just a bad personality any thought will not be objective.

I don't know who to ask. I can't just go to a therapist and be like "can you quickly resolve this problem for me?" you need an appointment and it takes months to get one. So I ask here but then again no one here will care for my personal problem since you are not getting paid for it. So idk maybe someone felt like this and could share some thoughts?
R: 0 / I: 0

memory anchor /?/

whenever I think about something I always imagine myself in therapy talking to people, doesnt matter theme I always go to that place in my daydreams and it makes me desperate that I cant let go and I only think about it

>Whats your go to memory that wont let go?

and if youhave this, how do you forget/move on?

Its like nightmare that wont let go after 5 years and counting
R: 2 / I: 0
Does anyone remember the story of Livecorpse: the flash animator from Newgrounds who killed himself in 2004? I don't know why but I just randomly thought about it today. Here's the link to his email he posted before he killed himself.

https://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/139349/1
R: 8 / I: 1

Hemlock and stuff.

Hello board. I dont mean to bother anyone, but id like to know if anyone has any experience with water/poison hemlock. Every resource brags about Socrates like they are the first to notice this "interesting fact" but no one specifies what sort of drink he used. Many say that they failed to game end themselves after trying to ingest parts of hemlock. I dont want to make any mistakes and end up a cripple here.
R: 11 / I: 2

What a joke

Talent isn't just a pursued interest. It's an inherent advantage to pursue an interest successfully.
Some people will improve 100x faster than others, while having the same ambition and practice. That's what having talent means.

And most of us have goals that just require you to improve that much. They can't be achieved without talent.

Of course, I'm not saying you can't get better at whatever you're trying to do. Maybe if you practice hard, every day for years, MAYBE you can get to the point where talented people were when they were 12.

It also took me a while to get out of the mindset that I can achieve anything I want if I just try really hard.
R: 8 / I: 2

I think I've reached a point in my adulthood that's just as bad as my childhood.

People die when they no longer breathe and when they are forgotten. But when I was little and went through hard times (like any aspie) I always told myself that this life was just going to get itself over with. Meaning that all the weight of the pressure and emotional pain gave me no reason to look forward to the future, even if I was alive throughout it or not. Granted that I wanted amnesia throughout my childhood the same way I wanted suicide throughout my adolescence and early adulthood to help me get rid of these heavily bad memories if I had too many to recover from them.

But with so little to look forward to, I felt that I had already died on an emotional and spiritual level if I didn't even want to think. Can you imagine that? Being in so much emotional and mental pain that you shut out your ability to think or even feel because it's simply not worth it anymore for too many bad reasons?

I'm preaching to the choir, I know, it's just that too many things are forced in this life to even consider it little more than a spectator sport, especially when even THAT is forced too.
R: 71 / I: 3

Parental Resentment

Even though I'm almost 30, I can't let go of the resentment toward my mom. I tried to read many online posts on forgiveness, but it's difficult. My mom was old and poor (40+, welfare) when she had me with a 40+ year old, short (5'1"), ugly (100% Jew), poor (homeless living in a tent), sociopath (killed small animals for fun, abusive etc). Not only was I screwed genetically, but I grew up poor and isolated in a dysfunctional "home" in the countryside (Would have been nice if not for my mom). My mom became a single mom due to her terrible choice in partner. I wasn't fed proper meals or even taught to brush my hair. I became isolated from peers from a young age. There was no public transportation, I relied on my mom. There was no extended family (they are also crazy though), nobody. I became isolated from my peers early on because I couldn't even discuss tv shows (we didn't have tv) and had holes in my clothing.

When I should have been learning and enjoying childhood, I was cleaning around my mom's hoard (hoarder) and trying to cook for myself. If I tried to pile her garbage from the floor she would screech at me for hours that I threw something out (even if I didn't). She would follow me around the house screaming at the top of her lungs, knowing there were no neighbors to witness her behavior. Once some neighbors walked by and saw the hoard, threatening to call CPS. I wish they had. At least once per week since 1st grade my mom would scream that if I didn't go to college, I'd end up like my father. I finally chose to study Computer Science, but she yelled at me for months until her voice gave out to choose Business. When I tried to discuss Marketing she physically attacked me. I was too isolated and brainwashed to go against her. She hadn't even saved for my college, I'm now $20,000 in debt.

As I said, I'm almost 30. There were times I thought of writing a cooking blog, but her hoarder house background was too disgusting for photos. Many times I wanted to learn new skills, and I would actively be learning when she would slam my door open (she cut a hole in it to remove the lock) and scream in my face when there was a bug infestation or other hoarder issue. Despite being a terrible mother, she bragged to everyone that she was amazing. People didn't realize I was quiet not because I was well-behaved, but because I was scared. In college, I spent my vacations cleaning her house without throwing any of her junk out. She would scream at me when she couldn't find something even though she could never find it anyway, but I worried about her pets and cleaning was one of the few things I knew how to do.

After college, she discouraged me from applying for jobs. She didn't want me to leave, and I didn't know what to do. I had some free time due to lack of school/work to study my own interests. After a few years, I became suicidal and after she complained to a counseling group that it was annoying, they called the police. She was kicked out of the group. Two counselors kicked her out (one for her temper tantrums). After seeing that a counseling group and paid counselors couldn't handle her, I began to realize I'm not crazy to resent her. I realized she cared about her own interests ahead of my own, that's why the only jobs she encouraged me in were part-time where I could commute to and from her house so I wouldn't move out.

I feel like I was not only held back in life by her terrible parenting, but also pushed into a bad life path. I am finally forced to acknowledge my situation, age, college debt, and need for some peace. I'm not excited to wage slave, but I am also not ready for suicide. I'm going to teach English abroad. I had a counselor who told me my mom ruined my life due to narcissism and to move to the other side of the world. I have a useless degree and a TESOL certificate, so I'm ready. The only thing is I still feel resentment and sadness. I tried to talk to her about how she treated me, but she pretends nothing happened. If I had decent parents, I believe my life would have been better. As long as I live with her, she will encourage me to make poor decisions and further ruin my life.

>>Does anyone else feels this way here or has a similar backstory?

>>Do you resent your parents?
>>Has anyone overcome the resentment from being poorly-raised and led on a bad path?
R: 12 / I: 2
How to get rid of the materialism that comes with selling your workforce
,
,
R: 28 / I: 2

A Solution: Detachment

To all depressed wizards, have you considered and attempted detachment?

"The root of suffering is attachment".
R: 4 / I: 1

My grandma is dying

She's the one who raised me. Obviously I've thought about suicide before but now that this nightmare is happening I feel like there's not a single reason to keep breathing after she dies. Hasn't even happened yet but this dread I feel is enough to make life intolerable, can't even think about anything else or have any hopes for the future. Can barely even talk to her without crying.
R: 137 / I: 16
Well fuck… it appears that I did not win the Mega Millions jackpot, or anything.
R: 8 / I: 0
NEETs who got a full time job: how would you describe your free time compared to before? What do you do with it? Does it feel more rewarding now?
R: 301 / I: 46

Depression Crawl Thread XVI

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.

Please, be respectful to each other.

Theme:
https://youtu.be/D83cMncj_Ig
R: 11 / I: 3

Friends

Is "friendship" just like religion? I mean, just like people pretend to believe in God to get in a certain social circle that they can use to advance themselves, is there a similar game that occurs when two people call themselves 'friends?' More generally, when people say 'social skills,' do they really mean the set of Machiovellian skills of choosing when to deceive or trust other people to try to put yourself in a higher social clique?

What the hell is 'friendship?'
R: 12 / I: 1

Revenge vs fighting back

I've been getting harrassed by someone for more than 3 years now, but since we live in a world where apparently hurting succubi is bad (even though they hurt you much worse) yet not vice versa, nobody wants to help me.

Plus.

Even if I wanted to fight back, had an earthly way of proving it, and she didn't use masochism/yandereism as a shield, just the fact that I also harrassed someone for 3 years makes me feel like this is what I get for not being able to understand their pain neither.

On one side I still want to believe revenge gets me nowhere, but 3 years worth of bad memories don't exactly make you want to hold on to any morals of your own honest free will.

I feel painfully dizzy just confessing this, for any wizards or 20somethingyear olds who are honestly guys or know how to deal with stalker/hackers what should I do?
R: 6 / I: 0
Normies are evil and fake.

When you re alone face to face with one normie he will most likely act normal, not be rude neither aggresive towards you.

But when that particular normie will be in group of people he will start acting like some animal fighting for domination. He will act stupid, say stupid things and sometimes even be aggresive, nasty.

I hate them. I was always an outcast and I will ever be. I wish I could get neetbux and never get close to normies anymore.

But thats not possible.

If you re different from normies and you are in some place that requires socialization, then you re fucked
R: 116 / I: 14

Anxiety

Just a month ago I started getting anxiety attack where I keep feeling like I’m dying constantly but I never do. I don’t know why Mother Nature had to make a condition like this. I saw a doctor and got checked up and he said I’m fine but I haven’t seen a psychologist yet and I don’t know if I really want medication. It feels like it’s been a long time since I could just lie down and relax and I really wish I could go back to the days when I could just relax and not feel like I’m suffocating.
I used to think anxiety and depression wasn’t a big problem since it didn’t effect me like this which is quite selfish since it is a big issue but now I understand that the hard way now. I kinda wish I could’ve told my past self to stop stressing out while I could because I could have prevented this if I wasn’t always stressed.
I guess it looks like I’ve written a sob story for attention but really I’m just sad at the moment and it’s 4:22 am and i can’t sleep my chest hurts and I can’t get comfortable anymore.
R: 11 / I: 3
Anyone else realized to late that there parents fucked you up and abused you in there early childhood and this is the main reason your life went shit before started and broke up with thme later. How did your life turned out after this?
R: 9 / I: 1
Does anyone else feel like an old rusty machine?

Everything I do I do slow because it feels like with every move I need to work against some resistance. Either like I'm in a higher gravity or I have really heavy bones. I am skinny but I feel like an obese person. Just sitting at the computer feels tiring. So much I got a laptop purely for use while lying in bed. Just keeping my eyes open feels tiring and like my eyelids are heavy. Even when I lie down there is this pressure and discomfort in my body. When I need to think about something hard it's like I'm in a library lit by moonlight and need to put my face close to the book and squint to make out the words. It's like other people's brains are a high-end SSD and mine is a very old hard drive.

I don't have any illness that I know of. My diet sucks, I don't exercise and only go out every 2nd day to go to the store. Could this be it? Or is this just depression? Do antidepressants help with this?
R: 18 / I: 3
Why am I getting punished when they should. Why am I on the receiving end of the penalty. Why am I the one getting attacked, getting stolen from. I'll kill them in spite. I will kill them. White people are the true villains. Whites are the ones who are degenerates, who must be cleansed from the gene pool. They are inbred. I have woken up. They cheat they lie they manipulate they conquer other countries bomb them nuke them. They tried to enslave an entire continent of people. They have created an economy designed only to profit them. They have caused countless lives to be lost that could have been prevented easily otherwise. Unimaginably high health care. Wage theft. I'll make the wrongs right. I will equalize society. To do this I will commit a massacre just like they have. I'm going to shoot them up like they shot my people. I'll carve them like pigs in a slaughter house. This must be done for the greater good. I serve justice. I will only spare the people of color as they are only victims. I WILL SHOOT THEM UP.
I am the victim. I was the one who was wronged. They have threshed my flesh. They have stripped away my identity. They gave me trauma. They have made my life a waking nightmare every single second of the day. I was an innocent ox living comfortably under the guidance of Budda and they ruined it. I wake up every evening screaming my head off, I scream so loudly that sometimes I fear my head will pop from the internal pressure. I HAVE TO GET REVENGE. It's the only way I can get rid of this five-year burning resentment. It's brewing like maggots in rotten meat, the juices oozing out with the abhorrent stench of unwanted rubbish. I will clean myself of my sins in this way. Now I know why I never feel clean no matter how many times I've showered, it's because the actual grime and muck exists in my mind where my shampooed hands cannot reach. To purify myself I have the duty to lynch these Whites. These whites. Strip their flesh. Pull out their tendons. Prick their body. Extract their organs. Force feed them feces. Rip out their eye sockets. Violence has always been a part of humanity.
R: 45 / I: 7

Psychiatric hospitals are full of normies

I made this thread because I want to share my experience, since I'm pretty sure that some of you made the same experience with the other patients in there.

So I've been to stationary psychiatry a lot of times, sometimes my stay was longer like a couple months and sometimes it was just a week, I went there most of the time because I had bipolar spergouts or semi-psychotic episodes and my parents were afraid that i am going to commit acts of violence.

When I entered psychiatry the first time I thought it's gonna be full of retards and psychotic patients that are acting like they come from another planet but it turned out to be full of your usual normies and I was again the schizoid retard who wouldn't talk most of time and even in there they would think that I am a weirdo, which is kinda fucked up if you consider that this is a nuthouse.

So most of the patients in there were normies and almost all of them were your typical self-loving narcissists, most of them had a girlfriend and friends that came to visit them once in a while, they also all got along with each other and kept hanging out in there.

The succubi in there are your typical borderline whores that had seen more penises than an urologist and blamed it on everyone else, they talked about sex and genitalia a lot and it seemed as if they were more concerned with cocks instead of finding a way to fix their toxic behavior. There was also a lot of sexual stuff going on between the male patients and the borderline succubi, even tough this is considered a breach of the rules it still happened all the time.

The patients who weren't normies mostly consisted of cold-turkey junkies that went through a mental circus and patients that went through psychotic episodes all the time. The patients that seemed like they might be wizards were acting like edgelords and narcissists all the time in order to hide their weakness.

It's also worth mentioning that almost all of the normie patients in there had abusive parents who caused their problems, so they just picked up the narcissistic and abusive personality traits of their parents, they never felt like retards since school and were never subjected to the problems most people on this board face, they still have normie problems so to speak.

I obtained this information though group therapy-sessions and awkward talks, I also just listened to what the other patients were talking about with each other.

Anyone else realized that even in psychiatry he is still the one considered a weirdo?
R: 3 / I: 0
To someone who is also:

>A guy

>An Aspie
>in his midtwenties or late twenties
>Also had his heart broken by, someone who has none of these attributes, in a grueling manner (such as hacking and daunting revenge porn comics of their favourite characters.)

Tell me: what is the average amount of time it would take for you to recover taking into consideration the stages of grief and that they don't end up exacerbating it any further?
R: 4 / I: 0
The worst thing my parents did was to never take me to a shrink as a kid/teenager despite me being obviously fucked up. I doubt this would've fixed me in any meaningful way, but I would've gotten proper documentation for NEETbux at least.

When I go to a doctor to complain about my broken psyche now, the first question is "if you have it so bad, why didn't you do anything about it for the last 28 years?" They all think I'm faking it for disability money: nobody can be this unwell and never have seen a shrink about it.

It's amazing how much my parents managed to kneecap me in this regard just because they were too prideful and normie to want to admit that their kid is a dud.
R: 18 / I: 2

I'm overflowing with envy and hatred

I listen to music and feel envy instead of amazement. I think "They're lucky to make money by only doing what they love. I too have lots of creative energy and even some musical skills and talents, but no one needs that. My parents don't want to support me", etc

I see my classmates from good families being happy and shit and I'm overflowing with envy and hatred. I don't want them to die or anything, I just wish I never knew they exist. It's torture

I see people who suffer even more than me and I ask myself, "How can I ever be happy knowing about this suffering? I can't help them. I can't even help myself. I can only sit in my pants in my parents' flat and hate this world quietly"

In before hah, another edgester, get your shit together, man up, get over it, your problems are nothing, it's all in your head, just take a shower, go for a walk, go to hell
R: 38 / I: 2

post-SSRI thread

I'm 4 days being totally off my SSRI per doctor's orders after tapering for about 2 months. The main thing I notice is not the physical side effects, but how my emotions have risen from the dead. My libido too. I just had a nice, good crying spell. I was browsing the internet and saw this poor son of a bitch trying to dance at a club and getting shamed for it, and the look on his face made me cry my ass off. I never once did anything like that while on SSRI, sadness is impossible on SSRI, or any genuine emotion. Honestly this is kinda worrisome.
Anyone else out there with experience? How long does this emotional stage last? I'm still dealing with minor brain shivers and hot flashes.
R: 79 / I: 14

I feel lack of meaning in my life.

what is the meaning of life if you are not exceptional in any way, if you do not look exceptional, if you do not have exceptional talent, if you were not born in a unique place, you don't have any unique skills, or you don't have a bigger goal in life?
R: 4 / I: 0

Finding a job without a college degree

~5 years in college. Exams, but most importantly, insufferable college normans. Sounds like hell. Also, education quality is rather low here in my borderline third world country

I want to learn programming. Is it possible to get a job without a degree but with enough skills?

Sorry for asking here, I just need advice but I have literally no one else to talk to
R: 79 / I: 10

Self-improvement

Have any of you guys TRIED self-improvement?

This may sound like a normie thing to some of you, but ""simple"" tasks such as meditation and exercise may help us to reduce our depression.

This guy sounds very honest and well-intended.
R: 3 / I: 0

Truth about personal progress

Eight months ago, I finnaly w



Couldn't find a better description.
R: 4 / I: 1

I feel like I was brainwashed my whole life

I think normies braiwashed me. It started with my mother who often told me that I m saying stupid things and I should do everything exactly like she wants me to do.

Later it was case with normies at school who bullied me and I was told that i m stupid while normies are the smartest people in the world by them.

I dont have any assertiveness at all. I m acting like I dont have any will to live. I m just empty inside.
R: 300 / I: 57

Depression Crawl Thread XV

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.

Please, be respectful to each other.

Theme:
https://youtu.be/t3J_2R9rAp8
R: 3 / I: 3
reinstalling computer games made me addicted and obsessed again and it made me realize how far i had gotten from the addiction
R: 2 / I: 0

I have nothing interesting to say and nothing interesting to show . How will you comment this ?
R: 13 / I: 3

Virtual Reality

Is anyone interested in virtual reality and the changes that will inevitable come about when VR becomes highly-developed and widely available to the average person?

I have a few predictions on the subject, which I'll post ITT if anyone wants to discuss, join in, critique etc.
R: 304 / I: 45

Wageslave General

Trying to avoid overtime as much as possible edition.

Previous Thread: >>198096
R: 211 / I: 16

The end of the wizards?

Posted it in another thread but I feel it deserves it's own thread because of the subject matter.

>Wizards, and social retards/reclusives/outcasts, are a dying breed. It took me a while to figure that out, I don't know if we're being breed out OR that the modern state of the internet has opened all doors for self-improvement and congregation for people who would be us (I think it's the latter). Cos on 4chan people are always complaining that "reddit is leaking" or "it's so reddit in here", it's not. It's that the "zoomers" that have replaced us, come from a much more socially inclined background by default and most, if not all, of internet (and geek) culture has seeped into the mainstream.


>Those of us that did not fully commit to a fandom or a passion, are now left with no real identity. I think in a certain sense it's a lot harder to be a loner now, like, you can have a giant anime figurine collection but the internet these days will always remind you that there are other people who also have the same hobby, but are enjoying with other people who take it to different places they wouldn't have dreamed of on their own. Basically reminding you that *your* giant anime figurine collection are just lumps of shaped plastic.


Turn 30 this year, and it feels like it's the worst era to become a wizard. But on the flip side (and maybe it's some sort of underlying mental illness) I've been feeling upbeat for the last 2 weeks cos it feels like there's nothing left to lose now.
R: 15 / I: 0
I feel so depressed, empty and constantly lost in my thoughts that I can't even focus on watching a movie or a show anymore and I can't enjoy any activity.
R: 12 / I: 3

Body armor, and protection in public

Many of us may not live in safe countries, cities or neighborhoods and I am one of them. Yet I live in what's seen as a beautiful country, safe, clean n green and outsiders typically mention how friendly and peaceful we are. I can assure you we are not. Assault and petty crime is through the roof, more organized crimes and murders are becoming increasingly more common and brutal and we are without means to protect ourselves, as we can get in more trouble than the criminal, also our police really don't care about us.

I've decided to wear combat gear in public, knee guards, shin guards and breastplates. I have a helmet coming in the mail but it seems most are simply not protection orientated, as I must admit I'm looking for something subtle and stylish to my tastes. I understand it's going to be looked at and laughed at, hell I am not even sure what you guys are going to say, yet I still want your input. Now carrying weapons isn't legal here, to my knowledge at least, I will check it all out. I think it's more like we can carry knives if we are on the way to go fishing or hunting or whatever, either way I'll dig around to find any legal way to arm myself when out in the general public. In a completely legal manner. I only stress this as my country has recently had a terror attack and now everyone is under super surveillance, and I've been searching military equipment and also ordered many, so I'm clearly being watched.

A worker and my job was recently assualted as he walked out to his car after work. Half a dozen street kids beat him up, stabbed him and stomped on his limp body. He ended up having multiple broken bones, his personal items stolen and his car stolen, thrashed and returned to him with a list of mechanical issues not worth fixing. Insurance didn't pay him out, despite his plan covering THEFT. There was some loophole they got him with, meaning he's down about 3 thousand dollars and he's a minimum wage worker, probably can save 150 dollars a week if he really budgets. Also the criminals were mostly let off free of charge, as they were minors they only got sent to a correctional facility, actually I think some just got suspended from school and that was it.

So that decided it. I'm wearing full body protection in public, I'm training how to defend myself and I will be armed to the teeth in every legal manner I possibly can.

Does anyone have any tips or suggestions? Thank you
R: 5 / I: 2

Worn down by crappy food?

I don't care how spoilt this may sound but that's how I feel and I wonder if someone shares this feeling.

My parents can only cook like the same handful boring meals and I myself lack the energy to cook anything. If I am feeling especially motivated I might cook a pre-seasoned, frozen, filleted fish with pre-seasoned potatoes that have to just be put in the oven and steamed frozen vegetables. But even that wears me out. Most of the time I eat pre-made meals and after years of trying out different ones I only found a handful that taste decent. But eating the same few meals all the time feels tiresome. Sometimes I go to a fast food restauraunt but again that food is pretty bland.

Once in a blue moon I might go to a proper restauraunt and eating something proper and novel feels revitalizing. I feel sated, yet not full. I don't know how to describe it but it's like the weight of the food is distributed evenly through my body when a bland meal feels like a rock in my stomach.

I don't know how people normally eat but when I see people buy food they buy a lot of different fresh ingredients.

Do you think this could be a major contributor to the feeling of depression? Through a quick research I found out that there are many different nutrients and I can't imagine I am getting them all from eating the same bland foods.
R: 7 / I: 1
It's seems like in the end, there are a few who have never been happy, will never be happy, will die and have never enjoyed their lives. A few of them are sitting here together apart.
R: 4 / I: 1

Feeling the rot upon your bones

>Tell them we are gone… dead… and gone

I really enjoyed watching this little mini-series and I thought the last episode & ending especially were quite well done. The atmosphere positively exuded with strong feelings of entropy, hopelessness, and total degeneration. A bunch of half-crazed men, withered & lost, barely clinging to what little life they have left, where everything that could go wrong has gone wrong. Couldn't help, but think of Wizchan often while watching, frankly. I love shows/movies/books/art that illustrate this sort of thing. That inexorably, slow decline into madness & death. What an accursed nightmare this all is.
R: 4 / I: 0

This hits too hard

Thoughts? Is he right? does your depression become such a part of you that you are unwilling to let it go?
R: 46 / I: 4
Australia has banned 4ch and now I am feeling listless and devastated. How do I cope?
R: 4 / I: 1
I feel so depressed, empty and constantly lost in my thoughts that I can't even focus on watching a movie or a show anymore and I can't enjoy any activity.
R: 8 / I: 1
I can't do anything lately. I have a pile of important tasks that need to be done but whenever I think about it my chest starts hurting. I wanted to buy some supplements and do some blood tests to see if my lack of energy is caused by something physical but I already procrastinated it all by a month. I think about trying SNRI since I read they help with physical discomfort, fatigue and anxiety but I want to make sure it's not anything else first because of all the bad experiences I read people have with SNRI.

I woke up just 4 hours ago after 9 hours of sleep, drank a small energy drink, took a legally prescribed stimulant and I still want to go to bed. But this restlessness won't let me sleep. I am permanently stuck in this limbo of restlessness and fatigue that won't let me focus on anything for more than a minute at a time.
R: 1 / I: 0

The worst is yet to come

Sometimes I daydream what I would do differently if I had all the knowledge and memories that I do now back in High School. These daydreams always inevitably turn into terrible nightmares. I have knowledge of how terrible society will become. How incredibly stagnant it will be. How rare it will be to even find a page of dialog that I could connect with. I know that if I went back in time with the knowledge and memories that I have now, I probably wouldn't have the motivation and will to even finish High School. Whereas before in my ignorance I might have at least entertained a glimmer of hope, instead I would I know how trapped my personal circumstances really are. I would have no media to look forward to. I would have no future to look forward to.

Then the daydream ends, for a while I breath a sigh of relief, and then I realize that so much of the same daydream I went through applies to the present.
R: 29 / I: 4
It's amazing how breeders love to go on about how compassionate they are for having children, but the moment a child indicates that they are something that their breeders find undesirable, the child is discarded like a broken toy. This demonstrates that breeders have children to mirror their own image, but yet they love to give off the impression that they are some kind of saint for forcing a human being into existence to serve their own desires.

I especially hate it when breeders of children with disabilities crow on about what martyrs they are. The child is the one with the disability, and they will likely have to suffer with it for the rest of their lives. But yet the breeders go, "Look at me! Pity MEEEEE for being deprived of a NORMAL child, and having a child like this instead!" They were the ones that had the child in the first place, and they could have prevented the situation entirely by not having a child at all. But yet they love to leech sympathy at their child's expense, showing to their offspring that their worth as a human being is dictated largely by their ability to reliably produce what is considered normal or desirable behaviour.
R: 22 / I: 2

my life was a mistake

Has anyone else here realized that their life was a mistake by either one, or both, of your parents? I realized this when I realized that my parents don't love each other. My mom married my dad without knowing much of anything about him, basically he was an insensitive weed addicted loser with anger issues, they had one kid together which was my sister and then my mom doesn't believe in divorce so then a couple years later they had me and I grew up with them arguing and yelling all the time and sometimes them abusing me for no reason, especially my dad who would beat on me a lot because I was a sensitive boy. Basically if my mom had the courage to tell this guy to go away then I wouldn't be suffering right now, but she played passive and let some loser impregnate her and now because of that I suffer abuse and incurable mental illness/anguish all the time. At least my mom could be straight with my sister, told her not to marry a dumbass loser like she did, but I'm still here, a big mistake spawned from a jerk and something pathetic.
R: 13 / I: 3

Reeeeequest

If you see this thread and do nothing you're my kind of guy

Post an average humans daily routine.

Post a portal to relief of physical tension in the body must not be tied into hinduism, a sterilized form of yoga will suffice.

Post anothers' writeup on essential minerals, may or may not include vitamins, must include extensive research on all cofactors of minerals listed, must mention lithium.

Post stories of anti social people with or without insane pasts not being pressured when trying to coexist silently in norme situations.

question can anyone prove crazy homeless people are actually crazy?

Answer, is there a shortage of workers in any given sector that is threatening to collapse The Nation or foment a strike?

If you see this thread and do nothing you're my kind of guy.
R: 1 / I: 1
>And I, too, felt ready to start life all over again. It was as if that great rush of anger had washed me clean, emptied me of hope, and, gazing up at the dark sky spangled with its signs and stars, for the first time, the first, I laid my heart open to the benign indifference of the universe. To feel it so like myself, indeed, so brotherly, made me realize that I’d been happy, and that I was happy still.
i think of abjection and apathy as a sort of defense, like an immunity that builds up with exposure to disease or callus on ones hands as friction tears away at raw and pristine skin. try living your life from an outside perspective, ignoring externals and forming attachments only to yourself. it kills two birds with one stone, the depression and anxiety.
R: 109 / I: 18

Addiction general

Are you addicted to something?

I believe that you can never fully overcome an addiction.

Alcoholics who manage to quit have to go to AA for life and still talk about not drinking every night after they've been sober for 30 years. Sorry but I can't see that as a success when you've made your entire life about sobriety.

Smokers that "quit" smoking never really quit, the cravings are always there even years later, and once in a while they give in to them. Statistics say that 97% of smokers aiming to quit fail within 8 days.

Fat people are the same, they go on a diet, they put weight back on. They can never just change lifestyle and maintain their weight because when they walk past a fast food joint and the smell hits their nose they can't resist.

You can get the addictive substance out of your body but the psychological addiction is hardwired and can't be undone. If you've had a cigarette with your coffee every day for 10 years, when you quit, even though you may not have any nicotine in your body you will still feel like something's missing.
R: 4 / I: 0
>must be nice to sit home all day and do nothing

Is there any way to explain to parents that I am not having a good time sitting at home and don't really know what rest means? That for me sleeping for 9 hours doesn't make me well rested? That "doing nothing" means enduring headaches, anxiety and negative thoughts? That while for them watching a movie is relaxing for me it's a challenge to stay focused?

Or is this like explaining quantum physics to someone with a sub 100 IQ?
R: 11 / I: 0
I basically never cried as a child or teenager. From 19-26, I can count on one hand the number of times I "cried," and it was usually something emotionally significant. I turn 27 in a several months. KHV neet, virtually no social life, no drivers license, morbid obesity, crushing debt, conversations with parents are akin to walking through a minefield, with deafening silence, or terrifying accusations, you know the works. Last couple month, I've begun to cry every day, several times a day. I'm also beginning to think about death, and idealizing suicide, at least in a very abstract sense, not concretely.
Am I beginning to lose it?
R: 14 / I: 0
What’s the point of suicide if you have at least one thing you enjoy in life? Why not keep enjoying it until you kick the bucket from old age or cancer or whatever else? I really don’t see the point in suicide since it’s so boring. I’m gonna die eventually so why not wait a while longer before I die? I could only understand it if you were going through an intense physical pain every waking moment of your life that could not be alleviated. Mentally I don’t think there’s a pain great enough for me to want to end my life when I know there is still something I enjoy in life.
R: 12 / I: 1
Wizzie, I’m very afraid of what might happen to me. I don’t even think I’ll live past 40. I got IBS, sebhorreic dermatitis, now exfoliating dermatitis with these random scaly patches (pic related) that I scratch and they turn into scabs that don’t heal well. The one pictured here has taken almost a full month just to heal and it’s still healing. I have no idea what the fuck is wrong with me but my doctor father told me it was nothing. That all of this was fucking nothing and that I have severe anxiety about my health and basically delusional.

I’m very scared and I don’t know what to do, I was thinking of maybe calling my crazy mother to help me but she automatically asks my dad about health related issues concerning me. So she wouldn’t be of any use.

I don’t even have health insurance because I had relied on my dad for so long. Now I think that was a mistake.

What the fuck should I do wizzie?
R: 1 / I: 0

weekend rant

I have no family anymore. I cut ties with everyone and it's been months, and it was pretty much only "mommy and daddy" and I'm an only son.

If you still have some kind of "loving" relationship with any relatives, cherish that. You'll know what's to be truly alone when you're alone, living by yourself by any means, with no communication from your relatives, with that burning desire to legally change your name.

And I won't lie, my fellow wizard brother, it hurts. If I was inhuman and bitter with a family, I'm even more inhuman now. A fellow wizard is the closest thing to family I have, do you know how does that feel? I hope you not. I'm numbing that weekend blues with a bottle of Bombay Sapphire and some downer pills. And some grapefruit, that's important too. But the blues is 24/7.
R: 82 / I: 8

Feeling too old for any sort of online communities

Lately, with the popularity of Discord, Twitch, and Twitter, I don't remember ever feeling so out of my element than I do now.
Pushing 24, I feel too old to be joining discords riddled with disingenuous teenagers, or arguing/shitposting about any sort of medium. The problem with that is if its the only form of social interaction you have had in your adulthood, it can be difficult not feeling like you've stumbled yourself in a void.

I sit here a couple months before turning 24, realizing what helped me cope well into my adolescence is unlikely to help me any form at this point. I know the solutions, but…

Anyone feel similar?
R: 26 / I: 3

racist/sexist doctors

Does anyone ever get the impression when visiting a doctor that they despite your sex or your race and that they wish you would just die and don't want to help you? They play nice but when they phone in their treatment I sometimes wonder if I'm doing anything except giving someone info with which to destroy me.
R: 310 / I: 62

Depression Crawl Thread XIV

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
Theme:
https://youtu.be/_ioc6sdgugo
R: 15 / I: 1
My mom's boyfriend is so upset that I got sick and took the day off he's started unplugging the internet. It's not like I chose to get sick.
R: 20 / I: 2
Recently found out it's common for parents to hug their children, however mine never hugged me.
The only hug I've received/given was a teacher at my high school graduation, everyone else hugged and I didn't want to be the odd one out.
R: 6 / I: 3

The last wizards

Are you happy or sad to know we,ll be the last wizards ever to grace this planet?

If you are a "young" 25 year old wizard like me, the internet raised you and your thoughts, and the internet was a lonely place back then (anti-normie internet)

I see people younger than me. Same weird hobbies, similar behaviour, BUT they were born and raised by the normie internet, full of people and social media. So people that would be rejects now, just find other would-be rejects and socialize and turn into normies. This is something we didn't have, our internet age was limited to forums.

I see 1990-1995 as the last generation of pure blood wizards, 1996-1999 as potential hybrid wizards, and post-2000 destroying the existance of newborn wizards.

I personally feel happy and proud. We have a very esotheric cult going on, in every sense of the word. What started as a joke became something bigger than itself.
R: 29 / I: 3

Dealing with heat

There is a heatwave in my country again and even though people who live in hot countries would go "u call that heat? lol pussy" it's really making me feel terrible. I feel like I can't function at all in this heat. My whole body aches as if I had a fever and my head hurts. I mostly lied in bed so far since the start of this heat wave but I have things I need to do but I just can't in this condition.

Is this a normal reaction to heat or is mine worse because of a sedentary lifestyle, bad diet and depression?

How do you cope with heat? Having an air conditioner isn't common in my country and they are not cheap to buy and operate. I do have a fan but I don't find it too helpful because it feels like I am just getting hot air blown at me.
R: 12 / I: 0

how do you cheer yourself up?

I sometimes feel like my life is ruined and that what I'm doing now is all for nothing because I'm a true wizard.
What do you do to cheer yourself up, or at least make the bad feelings go away?