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/dep/ - Depression

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R: 15 / I: 2


What do you think about it ? I think it's a pretty neat concept, even if my actual life is pretty bad i'll maybe have another chance after my death
R: 158 / I: 19

Wageslave General

not getting paid enough for this shit edition

previous >>226032
R: 3 / I: 1
> "I just dont want to feel so bad anymore"

Does anyone else here have real, diagnosed medical health or mental health problems that cause them to be in severe pain every day?

I really feel like I am in a dark, damp hole dug in the ground looking up at the world. I see normies bitching about stupid shit like money, how they cant take vacations because of the virus, how they dont like their job, all of this inane shit. The funny thing is all of it is almost always correctable, or it isnt even a big deal to begin with. It always starts and ends with the normie.

I didn't ask for anything that is wrong with me nor did I do anything to cause it.. It just is. Sometimes I think the only time I will feel better is when I am finally feeling nothing and I am in a real hole in the ground some day
R: 7 / I: 1

I lost the Faith,now i can't handle it

I forcefully became an atheist after studying ancient and medieval catholic texts.now i cant cope.
I used to think normies go to hell for having sex,that my own suffering is part of a godly scheme etc
Now i Lost that mental safety net,i don't know where to go from here
R: 86 / I: 9

Depression Crawl Thread XXX

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.

Thomas Ligotti - The Conspiracy Against the Human Race:
R: 49 / I: 4
I WANT TO TAKE DRUGS! YES, I want to get high, forget all my sadness and be happy.
R: 34 / I: 6

Suicide General

The last suicide general has hit the bump limit. Previous thread >>226293
R: 17 / I: 2

Can't cry

I can't cry. I need something sad or emotional. Anything. Music, videos, greentext, whatever.
R: 20 / I: 3

Tortured a cat, feel like garbage

Street cat who has the habit of sneaking in our kitchen. So I cornered her there and went on squeezing her hard against the ground with a broom stick for 30 minutes.

Now this same cat had ruined the water filter before, but even then only cuz i scared her into hiding under the sink and next to the filter in the first place.

She’s sick now all cuz of my pettiness. I have far bigger problems and enemies in my life, but I took it out on her.
R: 22 / I: 1

Disconnecting from the web

Minor introduction, I am 25 and I have been on almost every social platform I can think of (e.g. twitch, discord, many anonymous boards, small forums, etc.).

I am just so damn tired of the emerging drama, and narcissistic people on every topic. I came to a solid conclusion that online social interactions is just noise. Is there a way to disconnect from the internet social side? I still want to use it for "research", and books. How do I do it properly?
R: 31 / I: 8

The nasty nature

I hate the fact that im driven by the need of sex. Whenever a succubus atracts me, I hate it. When Im having an orgasm, * from fapping * I hate it. And I hate it even more afterwards. My physical body enjoys this dreary pleasure, but it's truly a curse.
R: 45 / I: 5

Weird Mentality

I was born with weird mentality. I give you few examples of it.

1. When they bullied me at school, sometimes I thought in my mind that perhaps they have reason for it and it may be partly my fault.
2. When they insulted me at school I did nothing about it, because I thought that if I want to push somebody in the face then I must have good reason for it and being insulted is not enough a reason. I couldnt in most cases insult back thanks to social phobia.
3. Teachers were mad at me when I were fighting with my bully few times at elementary school, so thanks to that I thought that I must avoid fighting with bullies no matter what, because teachers wont like it. So, after elementary school I practically havent fight with anybody, despite being bullied in every school I went to.
4. If somebody told me that I have to do something, the way he wants I did it (even if when in my mind I knew that I should do what I want instead of listening to some moron). If I did what somebody ordered me to do and I didnt like it, then in my mind I was insulting the guy who gave me order (I was calling him moron or something like that)
5. In the middle school even smaller guys than me bullied me, because of me being brainwashed by the teachers that fighting agaisnt bully is bad.
I m ashamed of that.
6. Lots of people yelled at me, mostly for no reason, just because they were frustrated. In the adulthood - I understood - thats just their mentality, which I dont have.
7. When I graduated from middle school, then I wanted to choose high school, but my mother recommended me other highschool, so I did what she wanted me to do and after years I was mad at her, because I could choose better highschool with better people, instead of listening to her.

Everything went so wrong… What do you think about me?
R: 17 / I: 1

Things to do on a Saturday NIGHT?

Is their anything to do on a saturday night? Anything that beats this wretched existence of mindnumbing scrolling the chans and endless rounds of random youtube videos. I live in a rural area but I have a car.
R: 172 / I: 8


Anyone here tried those? What did they do.

My shrink prescribed me Wellbutrin for fatigue which I took for 3 months or so, but they didn't do shit except reduce nicotine cravings. Apparently it's also prescribed for smoking cessation for which it worked wonders actually.
Shrink didn't want to prescribe me other AD's because those have heavier side effects and she thinks it wouldn't be worth it since they usually make fatigue worse and are more for anxiouspatients.

I also tried a bunch of nootropics, but none of those did anything. If you have experience, share those aswell
R: 25 / I: 3

To Work

How to deal with not being able to get a job? I have no work experience and I hardly have any studies, I have been locked up at home for a good part of my life … and I know that I have to survive on my own, they are practically forcing me, but I find myself unable to get even a simple job, I see it almost impossible and I don't know how other people achieve it, I have no idea what to do exactly.

I still feel like a child.
R: 29 / I: 1

Insomnia thread

I decided to start this thread to post about our experiences with insomnia and maybe to log during our insomniac episodes. I had thought about making a thread like this several times while scrolling wizchan at dawn. But I figured since it happened again now is right.

I think I might be ultra-sensitive to caffeine, as it seems the rare times I drink coffee or even soda, even half a day earlier it seems to be correlated with these nights.

Sometimes I try to just lay in bed as it seems the worst thing I can do is get up and go to the PC. But other times I just roll for hours and it doesnt help. I also find myself binge eating trying to put myself to sleep. Other times I wake up in a manic bipolar high with big projects.

Cioran was plagued by insomnia his entire life and it seems like the perfect torture to shape his hatred of life.

Im just remembering an old comedy central show Insomniacs

R: 19 / I: 4

At what age can you not turn your life around?

>worthless polisci degree (2015)
>didn't work a job until 24
>have had 14 jobs and quit them all within a year or less
>haven't worked more than 2 months at a job since almost 2 years ago
>live at home, never paid rent
>never made more than 16/hr doing almost entirely what amounts to stocking shelves in grocery stores
>lack the natural affect and social fluidity that makes interactions with people smooth due to years of isolation
>can't stand interacting with people in a professional way
>get really anxious, feel panicky, etc
I got a job where I had to go into 711's, convenience stores, etc and talk to the store managers about shelf space for our candy bars and buying displays. I couldn't handle it. The idea of having to ingratiate and grovel to someone i don't want to talk to so some anonymous faggot company can make more profit just made me so angry. I ghosted after 2 weeks of training and one week of sitting in my car outside the stores to spoof the companies GPS on our tablet.

Is it over? Should I just move to some small town in the midwest and stock shelves at the local grocery store and hide from the vicious judgement and shame of the east coast yuppies who i was supposed to be a part of?
R: 46 / I: 5
I have moved beyond not caring what happens to the world when I die. I want to watch it all fall apart. I want to see society in flames. I want widespread violence, chaos, and anarchy.

After realizing I can just kill myself the second it all become too uncomfortable or inconvenient for me, I want to watch everything around me go to shit. I want to see people shooting into hospitals from the rooftops opposite. I want to see cars careen through pedestrians. I want to watch a man killed in the street for no reason other than his killer had nothing better to do. I want to watch the politicians hang from the lampposts be their own ties while the people they exploited tear each other apart. I don't want to have to take part in any of this because then it's not entertaining, but I want to watch the human race go extinct from nothing hatred, bloodlust, and boredom. No message, no meaning, no purpose beyond bringing it all crashing down like a shelf full of some rich cunt's chine. Loud, spectacular, and irrevocable.
R: 88 / I: 11

Politics=Loser in denial hobby?

Not just politics but anything intellectual or truth related

Losers have no identity outside of our opinions, hence the obsession with perfecting them to reality

So our entire interest in truth is illegitimate, it was forced on us. This is the ultimate truth, the most relevant truth anyway.

Once I stopped denying this I legit went from a politics junky to extreme apathy and depression in less than a month
R: 304 / I: 41

Suicide General

The last suicide general has hit the bump limit. Previous thread >>222891
R: 0 / I: 0

Disorders other than Depression

What type of other disorders are you diagnosed with or you suspect you have? Also what environmental circumstances were you placed in which faciliated the presence of these mental illness in your life? Were you abused as a child?

I was and want to kill my abusers. If there were no laws I would beat them with a iron baseball bat. The incident was 11 years ago but it still haunts me everyday and has left me with "mild" (microscopic axonal shearing of neurons) brain damage for which I have not fully come back from functionally in terms of memory and fine motor coordination.
R: 44 / I: 3

Then what?

A few days ago, I made a thread about changing my lifestyle.
It has been a week. My urges for porn, junk food, and internet in general have vanished. For the first time in my life, I had no interested in using the internet. Read & learnt a lot. My skin, my lips, my nails, my smell, my mind, everything was improved significantly. My energy was off the charts.
Unfortunately, I took a long pause and asked myself "to what end?"
Yesterday, a cluster of bad memories about my dark childhood hit me so hard. All the sudden, all my past was unfolded in front of me. I was crying for the first time in many, many years. I didn't cry when I went to prison. I didn't cry when I was expelled from college. I didn't cry when I saw my young parents dying (in fact I didn't care. Didn't have any emotion or empathy for them).
One of you said "Do [all my goals], then what?" Didn't understand that sentence until now.
Porn, social media, & junk food helped me soothe my mind. They helped me escape from a horrific reality.
The fact that we wake up every single morning and not commit suicide is crazy. Just like food and sex. The cells that control our brains want us alive to prolong the cycle of nature.
"What's the point of living?" We've all asked this question. Only a very few of us did the right thing.
Females don't mind carrying & raising a baby that will break her back and makes her life full of agony. It's not her who wants the baby. It's the cells that want her kind to survive.
I don't know if you guys understand what I'm saying. We don't have control over ourselves. "We are driven by our natural instincts that are not only limited to eating, mating, playing, and sleeping."
R: 3 / I: 0

Any 2nd/3rd world anons want to move but realize it's impossible?

I'm not saying 1st world
Countries are Utopias or something, but living in second world is pain becomes you simply cannot wagecuck here because of the abysmal salaries, so your only choice is to have a career or some sort of business to survive. If you want to emigrate, well you pretty much need to be the best in your respective career, bar none. Id be more than happy to wagecuck my life away in a 1st world country than have a career here that pays like 300$ a month
R: 178 / I: 15

Inventory is empty

Reading the end of the wizards thread I wondered:

What's it like to be a wizard without any hobbies or interests? (Or at least interests and hobbies that USED to be associated with wizards?)

I've been slowly shedding my old hobbies and interests as they became mainstream (even degenerate otaku porn fetishes have this slowly increasing normalcy) and now I'm down to a couple things I still enjoy a little.

Any wizards who actually live without any real hobbies? I know I'm asking for a lot but I'd like responses from actual wizards or people close to wizardhood like the latter half of your 20s.
R: 70 / I: 6

Everthing feels so hard

Anyone feel like this? It would be nice if I could be NEET and have nice hobbies instead of just watching random YouTube videos and browsing reddit all day, but everything else feels like a massive chore. I would love to start programming or camping or something like that but the amount of reading and studying to know how to do that is so massive, it's overwhelming. I guess I feel this way because I never put any effort in my life, I just did what was easy, and now that I am older and easy things are not satisfying anymore I am screwed. I'm sick of doing nothing and I need to change.
R: 11 / I: 1

Mental Screaming

>Thoughts and memories keep barraging my skull without respite
>Start muttering to myself and shaking my head
>Sometimes have a sharp outburst and ball my fists
>Family asks "everything okay in there?"
>I answer "Yes, everything is okay in here"

But everything is not okay in here.
R: 8 / I: 0


So who is thinking about killing themselfes because they cant find work? I lost 3 jobs in the last 5 years because i am such an idiot and where manic. All 3 jobs were pretty good one i evend loved, but fuck it, i am searching now since september last year, so i had a testweek as a forklift driver last week the day before i was anxiety ridden and couldnt sleep, i had to wake up at 4:40 and didnt sleep even a minute so i drive there with the train and all i think is i will just faint there it was hell, they show me the place to work like a big firm and all i can say is just yeah ok and yes because i am tired as fuck, later they show me the forklift, i am still thinking about leaving, i get in and start pretty comfy i have to say, its like a forklift with sideforks to carry woodpacks, some other guy shows me some stuff it was pretty ok i have to say, i was there 1 week was pretty good, stress but still. Now they call me they found someone else, sitting here with my beers now back to where i am always in despair, in those 5 years i lost 3 jobs i was like 3 years neet i cant take it anymore i am getting older (am 28 right now) and nobody will ever want some sperg who has some many age gapes in his resume even when i just search for labour work, what should i do try to claim benefits for anxiety or just kill myself, work and money was always the thing in my life that gave me comfort, sitting at home rottting with little money i cant stand, i have like 4000 euros credit stuff too i have too pay, it feels like no way out i am in a anxiety ridden hell and only thing left is to kill myself, dont even get me started with shit like no friends and stuf i cant even think about shit like that right now. thanks for reading my rant
R: 15 / I: 1
For the past 3-4 years I have not even been able to enjoy playing video games or watching movies/anime, and I think the past 1-2 I have not even had a sex drive so I can't even enjoy masturbating.

The light is fading, I feel like the next logical step in my life is suicide. I have been simply just patiently waiting to die for years.
R: 28 / I: 2

I feel Mike Tyson's pain

>I'll never be happy. I believe I'll die alone. I would want it that way. I've been a loner all my life with my secrets and my pain. I'm really lost, but I'm trying to find myself. I'm really a sad, pathetic case. My whole life has been a waste. I've been a failure. I just want to escape.

>"I just want to escape. I'm really embarrassed with myself and my life. I want to be a missionary. I think I could do that while keeping my dignity without letting people know they chased me out of the country. I want to get this part of my life over as soon as possible. In this country, nothing good is going to come of me. I'm so stigmatized, there is no way I can elevate myself. I need some discipline over myself; I need some emotional intelligence

>Tyson exhibits a pattern typical of people who were traumatized at an early age by circumstance and environment, she says: "You can't point to one thing and say, 'OK, this is what made Mike Tyson who he is today.' It is many, many, many things."Tyson, she says, "is a classic case of a child who grew up in a destructive, dysfunctional environment."

>He watched as multiple boyfriends beat up his alcoholic mother, Lorna, who died when Tyson was 16. Three years earlier, he was sent to reform school in Upstate New York, where he met trainer Cus D'Amato, who died before Tyson became champ."He talked to me about my (eventual) downfalls," Tyson says. "He told me, 'You're the type of guy who has to be hurt to learn.' I'm pissed off today because he was right about everything.


>Tyson told psychiatrists he had felt depressed his entire life, that he was uncomfortable with celebrity.Doctors reported that his emotional swings were triggered by his belief that he is "being used, victimized and treated unfairly." Murray says every prisoner is victim and victimizer but that you "don't pop out of the womb a victimizer.""Children are like white sponges. If you pour a lot of darkness into that sponge and squeeze it, darkness comes out. Mike had a lot of darkness poured into him."Doctors said Tyson was not what he believes the public views him - "psycho." No major mental illness or personality disorder was reported, but he was found to be chronically depressed.

I can't believe this man who has been a world boxing champion ever felt this way or still does, but knowing his story I completely understand why. He probably has suffered more than me and yet he felt the same way I do.
This is exactly how I've felt since I was a kid and it hasn't stopped.
Wanting to escape from everything and everybody because of the pain, and not having anybody that can relate to you or that you can trust. And not being able to share the same things as others because of your story. It's all fucked up.
R: 235 / I: 28
How did you or your parents ruined your life? What did cause your transformation to wizard?
R: 9 / I: 0


I don't know what to do, i live of disability and work just a few days unpaid

My social workers and parents make me do this to eventually get a fulltime job, the problem is i fuckin hate going to work, i hate it when i'm there and i hate the days before it, when i get home all i want to do is sleep
I get headaches and get really depressed, i'm medicated as well and all i want to do is just be at home all the time preferably alone.
In my free time i don't even go outside because it also makes me feel depressed and physically unwell. I can't really do much because i feel ill most of the time psychological and physically

To give some background i have fas and suffer from psychosis, because of this i also have physiological issues and deformities, essentially it's my mothers fault that i have to live this away, working full time makes me want to kill myself
R: 13 / I: 1
My parents are getting older by the day. My mom is 61 and my dad is 65 and I still live with them. It's been recently crossing my mind lately that they're going to die eventually and then I will no longer be able to rely on them for food and housing. Is there anyway a /dep/ user can prepare to live on my own despite me having absolutely no real world skills? I've been working a wage slave job without a college degree ever since I left high school.
R: 20 / I: 0
Anyone know of any documentaries about super depressing dead end lives that people live?

I tried looking up drug addiction stuff, but most of those people had more fulfilling lives than me so it wasn't really interesting.

I want something that will make my life look good by comparison.
R: 15 / I: 0

Can't do normal jobs/can't do online jobs

Everything is too difficult to deal with. IRL the pace/social expectations/etc. are too much so I don't last. I got an independent contractor thing for transcription, but it was the worst because the audio is really really bad and they expect you get it perfect even if it's just a bunch of muffled things. Like it feels any excuse to screw you out of money when the rate is peanuts already.

I applied for some assistance and basically having any money in your bank account above $100 in the past month disqualifies you. Fucking nightmare.

It just feels like everything is working against me so LDAR becomes the only option, but LDAR makes me too lethargic to kill myself. I guess I'll end up on the streets at some point and I can just die of heatstroke/starvation/etc.
R: 19 / I: 3

don't read this Anon

I've spent the past 6 years doing almost nothing but lurking imageboards and random forums and watching youtube videos all day. I haven't played a single video game since then, I rarely read books and it's hard to find the motivation to actually sit down and watch a movie, anime or whatever. I've just been drifting through a fog of malaise for half a decade doing almost nothing but staring at a screen, the highlight of my day (if you can call it that) is when I quickly tug one out to some hentai before I pass out in the middle of the night. The closest thing I have to an actual hobby is music, and that's only because it's one of the most passive forms of media to consume, I can barely play a harmonica.

What should I do? I need to develop actual hobbies and interests but I'm in my 20s now and I don't want to waste all my time on vidya and weebshit, but I wish I could relate to people who actually have developed interests in these things, and when some norman at work starts talking about "the game" or whatever reality tv boomer garbage is airing on the """"History""" Channel it's unbearable to hear them talk about it, I just can't relate to someone with such pedestrian interests. I also never really fit into any one particular subculture growing up so I'm afraid I'd feel like just a sad, pathetic loser larping as a "gamer" or an "otaku" well into adulthood. Maybe I should just give up and move onto an old homestead, keep myself busy raising animals and growing crops so I don't have time to think about this shit? Build myself a shanty in the woods so the only thing my mind can focus on is survival?
R: 169 / I: 15

Everyone else looks like some kind of super human to me

Does anyone feels like you're a massive retard while everyone else issome kind of genius super human? I always felt like the slowest guy around,while everyone else seems to master anything they want extremely fast for me it takes some herculean effort just to keep it at the beginner state,I'm trying to learn Java programming using some online course and while for me it takes a lot of effort to make a shitty program that uses very basic classes and objects others brag about doing very complex and polished software in what seems to be 4 key presses that take half an hour,same with learning japanese,I've been learning this shit for 4 months and I can barely read anything while for others it takes 2 weeks and some anki flashcards to read entire books.

I know this isn't actually true but it seems so easy for others while for me everything is extremely difficult,this is just hell,forget about christian hell and flames,this is far worse than any religious punishment,being a retard while everyone around you is a demi-god.
R: 18 / I: 3

I don't think I belong in this world

Every time I try to do something in the real world or even in normie places on the internet I get scolded,laughed at,ridiculed,bullied etc I just can't comprehend how humans work,how they manage to live day by day buying stupid shit all the time,working,having relationships etc.

All of this alienated me from the real world,other people look like aliens for me,I don't care about what happens in the real world anymore,I don't care about politics,the economy,the elections,COVID or anything that goes outside my own little bubble.

I think I wasn't designed for living in this world,when I watch anime or play games I look at these vast worlds full of great things or incredible people and I wish I lived in those worlds instead of this shitty world,sometimes I cry all night because I don't want to live in this horrible world that has nothing for me,but the only option is killing myself,I wish I could live in my fantasy words,I think that is extremely sad and almost criminal that the human mind is able to create these beautiful perfect worlds but we are forever doomed to watch them from outside,never indulging in our most precious fantasies.

I wish there was some kind of VR machine that plugged into our brains so people like me that just can't function in this world could enjoy our own fantasies living our perfect fantasy lives,normies that enjoy life could enjoy their shit as always if they want to,but for people like us the only solution is suicide.

This is so fucking bullshit,I never asked to be born like this,I never wanted to experience this horrible absurd world but I'm forced to,I'm forced to endure this dogshit until I die and dissolve into nothingness,this is so unfair and I'm so fucking mad at all,I wish I could live in my fantasy worlds inside my brain but I can't,and instead I'm forced to be alive in this shitty world that has nothing for me.
R: 29 / I: 3

Losing control/discipline

I'm spiraling out of control and good reasoning. I used to be NEET and lived a modest life pirating video games, e-books, and movies. I would read interesting articles online. When I became a wageslave I also got money. Money made me frivolous, I would start spending it on useless things. I got backstabbed. Relationship with mother deteriorated but I'm forced to live with her. With everything that's happened I don't trust anybody. The only person looking after me is me and I'm fucking it up. No longer a wageslave but I'm still spending money searching for something to fill a void that doesn't fill up. I tell myself that I'll stop, that I'll take a good look at myself and reflect. I want to put the brakes on. It used to be that I could go days without masturbating, now I do it constantly. I don't have a proper room of my own so I do it in the kitchen with my mother only 20 feet away and no doors separating us.

I just want to sleep it all off and when I wake up be back to my disciplined self. This is a trainwreck, and the fact that I'm fully aware of it and still can't slap on the brakes makes it worse.
R: 180 / I: 130

dep reaction images

Post your most relatable depression reaction pictures. I have a folder of these and looking at them, recognizing myself in them makes me feel better. As if someone out there shares my thoughts and feelings, even though the pictures are mostly cartoons and animals. It's an illusion, but somehow it helps.
R: 305 / I: 33

Depression Crawl Thread XXIX

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
R: 125 / I: 18

Being an outcast

Anyone else here "unlikeable and doesn't fit in anywhere or can't make friends
Everywhere i seem to go people genrerally think i'm weird or sense that something's wrong with me

I can't make friends and if i have a friend they end up hating me and just leave
Even my psychiatrist ghosted me

I look rather ugly as well so that doesn't help dempen my odd behaviour
I suffer from paranoia psychosis and shizophrenia and i've been casted out and bullied as long as i can remember

I just don't belong in this world, if someone has leprosy people avoid them and cast them out,
if you're mentally sick people sense that as well and cast you out

Sometimes i dream of living as a hermit somwhere all alone away from society

retaliation at some point is inevitable, i don't want to go down that path
R: 39 / I: 7

My suicide. Tuesday the 8th.

My life has been nothing but shit and horror. All my life I’ve been harassed, beaten, molested. I just cannot contain the hell that rages inside my mind. I found a bridge next to dreamland bbq and I’m going to jump on Tuesday. I already planned the uber, the price isn’t that high it’s only 20 something. So from
Now till Tuesday, I am going to try and enjoy everything I can before I jump.

Any anons here live in Alabama?
R: 55 / I: 4

Don't feel at home on the internet anymore

For many years now I used the internet as an escape and entertainment for my NEET life. But recently I just can't relate to anyone anymore, sometimes I find other NEETs and talk to them for a while but eventually I learn that they have hobbies like reading or programming and I can't relate to them anymore. Here I am, a lazy NEET with anhedonia and no motivation for anything, and I see people who I thought were like who actually end up being the complete opposite. My only cope is gone, and now I don't know what to do.
R: 2 / I: 1

Hearing voices

Please share any advice for dealing with voices. How you deal with hostility, paranoia and breaking out of isolation.
R: 31 / I: 3
ITT: Your present disconfort

What you are feeling right now? Be descriptive as possible and try to focus on the present sensation, not the overall natural emotions

>hunger and headache from looking to much to the screen

>everytime I want make something to eat or turn off my screen to read something my anxiety triggers and I start walking in circles around my house without doing nothing
My heart, my head and belly hurts a lot and I all alone in my apartment. Don't know what to do, honestly.
R: 110 / I: 14

Sense of uselessness

Anyone else feels like not made to function?

I was never good at anything. Period.
School was a nightmare to me and I'm not even talking about social dramas or bullying but because I sucked at every single subject you can think of. I still think from time to time how I managed to get a high school diploma. Maybe because some teachers there actually pitied me since I was just a quiet student that never bothered any classmate. My life hasn't progressed much since then. I'm still the same, almost mute person like I was 15 years ago.
I envy NEETs that are smart enough to have something they are good at, like drawing, video editing or 3d modelling and are even able to make some good cash out of that thanks to people commissioning them. I've been doing nothing but randomly browsing the internet for many years and nowadays I don't have enough energy to play videogames anymore. Normal people feel like super-humans to me.

Putting this text together was such a huge mental effort to me.
R: 9 / I: 0


Anyone else cut for self harm? Not for just being edgy or attention seeking or suicidal, but for some kind of stress relief. I'm never going to show my body to someone else anyways. And if parents ever get too pushy I just let them 'accidentally' have a glimpse and they back off.
R: 304 / I: 39

Wageslave General

not letting them get to you edition

previous >>221970
R: 41 / I: 7

BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)

Anyone else here living with BPD?
I also have depression (they're co-occurring many times) but in a way I feel that BPD is way more life-wrecking for me than depression.
At least when I have depression I find some sort of dark solace, with BPD it's like everything is unbearable.
R: 11 / I: 2


Let me start off by saying that I fucking hate Aristotle's definition of happiness. Don't get me wrong, it's genius, but I think it's genius in the same way that the Great Train Robbery of England was genius or a con man talking you into giving them your wallet is genius. It's encouraged these semantic mind games where the definition of happiness gets so twisted that it no longer has meaning. Particularly frustrating to me is the countless conversations I've had about this where the person I'm talking to relies upon their final trap card, "Well, I'M actually talking about the Greek word, 'Eudaimonia," (followed by the smugest face you can possibly imagine).

So, allow me to propose a no nonsense definition for happiness: it's when you actually feel fucking happy. If you ask a 4-year old what the fuck happiness is, it's that. Stop the fucking semantic mind games. Especially since–and I really feel I should point this out–the point of these semantic mind games is to conflate the honest 4-year-old definition of happiness with the speaker's pre-existing interests or behavior in order to serve as a justification for them. Which, you having a certain emotion should not logically necessitate a justification, but that's a whole other topic. This is what people are doing when they do this conflation. They know people recognize that 4-year-old feeling of joy as 'good,' and then by this enormous mind-game if they simply define what they're doing as using that same word, they can tell everyone that they're "happy" and thus "good." Genius.

So, at best, happiness is used as a rationalization for pre-existing behavior. And, at worst and I believe what's happened from day one in society is that happiness has become this bullshit normie-societal-wide trait where you have to conform and say that "you're happy." Which means that happiness is not longer simply used for justifying your pre-existing behavior, but also used to justify larger societal norms. All the bullshit, "You'll be happy if you do X," where X is typically 'having kids' or 'getting a gf' or any other of the most societally conformist things you can possibly imagine.

Usually at this point there's someone who starts shouting to the rooftops, "But what motivates you to get up in the morning, huh? See, that's happiness," followed by the smuggest face you can imagine again. No. I'd argue that's not happiness. At best it's another word-swap like the Eudaimonia people above. So let me say that any number of emotions can get you out of bed, or sometimes you can be completely apathetic and emotionless and still end up doing things in your life. That last one I feel is complete anathema to people who espouse the happiness cult. The mere existence of such people is like some sort of black swan for them, and it completely destroys their worldview to such an extent that they start denying the existence of such people (well, that can't be true, they were actually getting up in the morning because…).

I'm not pretending to have any solution to motivation of living or the meaning of life, but I do want to say that it doesn't need to be happiness. Everyone does not need to be happy. People who talk about happiness is part of a cult who us it as a rationalization for their pre-existing behavior or to conform to most societal structures need for everyone to pretend that they feel joy to keep the system afloat. Happiness is really just joy, which at best is a fleeting chemically-driven emotion that lasts temporarily and is a fool's game to chase after (c.f. the oft-cited lottery/paraplegic study everyone talks about).

Don't worry about not being happy, chances are, you were never going to be anyways, and if you are, it's a chemical interaction that will be gone shortly.
R: 31 / I: 4

Ever take revenge on a bully?

How did it go? Or maybe you were a bully yourself, though I doubt it.

Getting bullied destroyed my life. I’d definitely rather be a wizard with a spine than some sexhaving bullying victim.
R: 27 / I: 1

Addicted to sleep

Anyone feel like this?

Lately I always sleep every time I come home from work. And on weekends, I just sleep all day and wake up to eat and go to the bathroom.

I feel that when I sleep all my problems are gone. And in dreams I often dream of meeting my old friends during school and I feel very happy. but when I wake up, everything feels empty

Right now I have no friends to talk to in the real world and I don't have the energy at all to do other activities.
R: 22 / I: 3

"What are you doing with all that time?"

Time just flashes by and even if I try to do something useful it goes by so fast and I get so little done and then I just give up and going back to surfing the web. I'll really never understand people who can level up in skills. My 20s have passed by like a flash. I tried to do transcription since it'd be comfy relatively but the audio on the test was so bad that I spent so much time on it, and I probably failed anyway.

For my grandfather when he's asked this question before, he just imagines it like me being him since he could juggle jobs/academics/etc. as a young man when I never could handle any real pressure/stress without just fucking up. Does anyone else have relatives who have basically written them off?
R: 9 / I: 0

Life if COVID restrictions had been in place forever

I am on the cusp of being a wizard and have been a shut-in for the majority of my life. I've started to think that I'd be less fucked over if the COVID restrictions had been in place for all of it since a good chunk of things in my way have been not being like other people. Of course, there's socialization required in online meetings and such, but the whole normalfag essentials of in-person networking, making friends at school, etc. would be avoidable. It's a pointless hypothetical but it's unfortunate we don't have a world with really limited social contact.
R: 48 / I: 8
I'm officially a wizard as of today… I kept putting off when I would finally do myself in… I want to say I'll do it now… I probably won't and will keep on living miserably…
R: 15 / I: 3

Communication as a way of doing nothing

I not am a sad man, I just am a really frustrated one.
I want to do things but I dont know how.
If I pick up a book or turn on my keyboard I feel physical disconfort. My heartbeat goes off the roof and I start to sweat. I dont even feel comfortable thinking in doing.
So the solution my brain end up with? 15 daily hours on /mu/, /v/, /a/ and /lounge/, /wiz/ , /dep/ from here. I barely hear the news or listen to music, I dont play vidya for 2 years and I dont a new anime/manga since 2016. I cant keep up with most of the topics, but I waste every single awake moment on the internet.
I dont have any online friends and I hate with guts my parents. The only place I feel with a company is here and at some moments on 4chon (I dont like there so much but is better that the IB from my country and I honestly dont know better).
I don't learn, I don't evolve, I don't say what I really want to say. Just see funny pics on the net and giggle at the posts.

I was always a afraid person. If I lose even in something irrelevant I would be frustraded with myself. I always make excuses for doing nothing
When I was a child I used to talk a lot just not pay attenttion in the class.
>If I didn't tried, I didn't lose
This is the mentality who permeated my entire childhood, adolescence and some of my 20's.
I dont have fear of death as much I had on my adolescence, what I fear the most is stay in this same way I am with a little less breath to keep on
R: 57 / I: 13

how to deal with the depression?

how i cand deal with a lifelong depression without a psychiatrist or a psychologist?

cute succubus to deal with the bad mood
R: 4 / I: 0


What is hope? Do you still have hope?

Hope is a strange thing to me. Hope is neither an emotion nor a thought. It has rational and irrational elements to it at the same time. It's the idea that something in the future gets better. It's a very stubborn idea that keeps in my head despite all the evidence of the past that nothing ever gets better. Or rather it's a belief in the idea that things get better. It's a belief that must be in my unconsciousness because if someone asked me or I think to myself my first impulse would be always to say that I have no more hope. But the expression of hopelessness seems to be artificial. Maybe that's the point when people actually go through with suicide, when hope truly is lost. Maybe hope is the final straw keeping us from doing it. And as it's unconscious we have no access to it. We cannot simply erase our own hope since hope is something more metaphysical, not an experience but rather a belief that we believe in involuntarily despite better knowledge.

One of the things I'm hoping for is a giant meteroid putting an end to this mess.
R: 27 / I: 0
I have no real discernible positive traits, and have anxiety about anything and everything. I'm too timid and anxious to live life like a normal person.

I haven't had a friend in years, and I don't really know how to make friends anymore. I've convinced myself that everyone else is too good for me. I have nothing that makes me stand out as a desirable partner or friend, so I don't even try out of fear of hurting myself or wasting someone else's time. I have no real hobbies, no passion, no motivation, no real reason for living, but I'm too cowardly to die, so I crawl lazily from day to day, living in the same rut, doing the same things, hoping something will change.

I want to believe that I'm a good person who is just held back by shyness and anxiety, but I know the truth. All I do is spend my days on the internet, which has long since lost its luster, hoping for someone to see something in me that no one else has ever seen, but I know it isn't going to happen. There is no hidden beauty, no special aspect of me that makes me a worthwhile partner or friend.

People assume that life is easy enough for everyone, and I must just be lazy for not doing what's so simple for them. The only way to do this is to imagine me as a villain who's responsible for my own misery. A person who would believe something like that is thinking it's "obvious", when they're really relying on their own lifetime of experience, positive reinforcement, social contact, upbringing, and opportunities they take for granted. They simply cannot comprehend that someone else might not have this.

By the time I was even aware enough of a personal flaw to care or want to fix it, it was too late. It's always been too late. I'll always be an outsider, shunned, ostracized, looked upon as a creepy friendless loser; that's just human nature and the tribal instinct. I'm trapped in this cold, black void of an uncaring evolutionary replication machine.
R: 19 / I: 0

Has anyone sold plasma before?

As a depressed neet soon-to-be wiz I'm broke as fuck, I never tried selling plasma since it's usually ghetto as fuck and I thought I wouldn't pass the tests, but I'm desperate now. Have bills to pay. In retrospect, I should have just started when I began neeting.
R: 45 / I: 3

how to be a good human please

Hi Team,
I need help healing whatever is going on inside of me that is making me have these thoughts:

- I have fantasies (not anything that would ever be manifested in reality) about people I am in disharmony with meeting an untimely death. Even by a hitman's hand.
- I feel extremely happy and relieved when terrible things happen to people that are too successful and not helping me, especially when I feel like they are a part of my peer group or network even in a very extended way
- I want to shame and defame or see it brought upon people who I am either envious or jealous of, and take pleasure in their downfall
- When good things happen to people, I sometimes become very angry and wish for them to fall from grace
- I lie to people or twist the truth so they think more highly of me
- I lie about others to make them seem lesser and myself greater
- When I feel that someone has betrayed me I want bad things to happen to them, I do not want them to succeed, I want to see them suffer

What do I do? It's poisoning me to keep noticing these thoughts and have them eat away at my better nature!
R: 10 / I: 1

Dick Cheney did Dick Cheney

I've been doing some thinking and I want to gauge other's thoughts on this, but I just want to preface what I'm about to say bt stating that I'm not anti nihilist and I empathize with the defeatist mentality. I understand that sometimes life really does fuck you disproportionately more than others.

Why do we all attack people who are more fortunate by blaming societal imbalances and hive mind mentality? Is there anyone there who feels like maybe people who succeed could just as easily as I have pissed it all away with bad behavior and irresponsible decisions? I've met people who have done that. My father was a groid who drank his self into oblivion and lives in delusion and seclusion. I've spoken with older married folk who are kind and never manipulated or abused a system to get where they are today. My boss simped after his wife for years and he's retiring after fifty years of owning his company, and id say he's a hard worker who has earned every ounce of numbing blissfulness that the world has offered him.

Are there any cynics who can respond?

Just curious if there's any one out there who can explain to me why all groids are bad. I mean yeah, fuck em but I only say that because… fuck me, you know?
R: 56 / I: 9

Internet is too cringeworthy

Anyone else have trouble looking at the internet now? all this lame cancel culture, me: nobody:, ya'll,dont say the n word, am i a joke to you? templated phrases for the cattle to fall under and whites trying to talk like blacks. censorship is the worst i've ever seen it at. everything can get you banned and your chance at a future ruined, they can dig up you saying the word fag 8 years ago and unironically ruin your life with the help of mega corporations while posting the same 5 images of kpop and being passive aggressive/smug. it is like being in a daycare of retarded children hitting you and not being able to talk shit to them, or am i just losing my mind and/or jaded?
R: 54 / I: 2
Dad broke down crying at dinner asking me if there was anything I was even interested in and why don’t I enjoy life
R: 112 / I: 8

Getting Bullied at Work

I don't know how to start this. I don't post very often and I'm not good at writing.

I started a new job recently in social work. Out of the 28 people in my team, I am the only male. I'd been having a hard time getting along with the succubi in my team coz I'm a social retard and don't really know how to talk to people.

The clients I look after are extremely toxic and regularly abuse me when I try anything that could help them get "better" as improvement is seen as them potentially seeing a reduction in their benefits. To add to that we're heavily policed about the way we talk to our clients, to the point where individual words and sentences are dissected by management.

I've just been pulled up by my boss whom I've struggled to get along with. She identified a specific line in an email I sent. Since then, what was a fairly innocuous relationship, has turned in to one where I'm now being grilled for everything and it seems like she's doing everything she can to get me out of here.

If I do anything well, it's not appreciated. If I make any mistakes though I receive the harshest punishment allowable for that mistake. Everything is recorded and I feel like my boss is trying to get me to quit, or otherwise build up a strong enough case to fire me. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells and if I don't perform perfectly then I will be caught by her and disciplined.

I see the other succubi make mistakes and they're coached. For me, if I make a mistake it's a straight disciplinary action.

It's eating my up inside wizzies and I'm extremely depressed.

I don't get along with others but I need money to survive.

Please help me.
R: 5 / I: 0

my faith might never be restored

I'm currently on my 5th job where I have lost my faith in humanity again. Currently and thankfully I'm on vacation, staying at home, so I can get away from that shitty place. I have endured abuse of power, bullying, gossiping, etc. Not only at work but outside as well. And to my stupidity of trusting others and lack of proof I have not done something legally. I'm sick and tired of working these shitty dead end jobs. I'm sick and tired of dealing with manipulative crappy people. Of people who take advantage of others. I'm so fucking annoyed and done with dealing being blacklisted in the community. And being thrown a shitty job where they know my "controversial" past and hate my guts. Yet give me a position and try to make me leave. All because I got pissed off towards an older business couple by legally requesting to document something. I'm fucking done with that bullshit. MY FAITH IN HUMANITY AS BEEN LOST TIME AND TIME AGAIN AND I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE IT. How do you live with this? I'm so angry and ANNOYED. GOD I FUCKING HATE THIS. All I can think about is that for my next job I WILL HAVE proof and I will take it to court if they fuck with me again. How can I ever so fucking restore my faith in humanity?
R: 5 / I: 0


- To allthe people who make fun of suicidal wizards, who announce their suicide here:
- To all the people who make fun of NEET, pessimistic, antinatalastic, complaining, negative wizards:
- To all the people that bully even slightly defeatist wizards:

Damn you. Go to hell. Life isn't so easy for everyone. Even if you are a happy chad virgi: Not everyone is. Suffering is real and it's bad, if you don't agree you don't know what pain is and you are probably a 18, 19, 20, 21, - 25 year old virgin that has no life experience and isn't a wizard. If you are a 30 year old wizard that doesn't believe that suffering is bad I don't believe you or you are a complete exception. Fuck you all. Making fun of suicial wizards? What is this? Go to hell. Suffering is good? What is this joke? A rotting body? A rotting mind? You can't know this factuality if you still believe in a hope or a good outcome. What? THe poster hasn't suicided yet so he MUST love life? Sure. Sure! That's the most logical conclusion you could come up with. Damn. You must be 13 yeart old trolls. Damn. Fuck you.
R: 7 / I: 1
I'm addicted to watching morbid things like terminal illness diagnosis videos, documentaries about dying alone, abandoned family homes full of family memories, suicide biohazard cleanup

it sounds like i gone too far down the rabbit hole but I've found morbid stuff is good to watch just to constantly remind you how good my life is.
I walk around the world constantly happy with how cool the world is and how healthy i am

I consume these things BCS im deeply unhappy
I used to go to cemetaries as a kid and read the headstones I also used do this There s something just very interesting about death and dying
R: 15 / I: 2

Cognitive delay

Does anyone else here have the experience that their general information processing, meaning the time in which you perceive, understand and respond to stimuli and information like text, speach, imagery, pattern recognition, semantics, and so on is delayed by one-few seconds compared to the average person? I am not retarded, I have an IQ of around 120, but I experience this phenomenon all the time. I think this cognitive slowness has to do with my general affective and emotional numbness, but I'm not sure. How I came to this conclusion, the symptoms if you will:

-if text or sentences are blended in media like movies or YouTube videos, often I fail to read it to the end before it's skipped away
-I often struggle to follow in a conversation
- I need more time to think something through like a riddle or a logic problem, although I come to the correct solutions
-I like to to take my time generally. When others get impatient or annoyed by something, for example waiting for a bus, I have no problem with it, I'm just falling back into my own thoughts and don't feel the hectic that others express
- my reflexes in video games seem to be hard limited. I have some several thousand hours in a certain shooter, and many hundred hours in a racing game, and I can never get better past a certain skill level, no matter the time I spend and it seems to be that I just can't react faster than others
-I got so mentally lazy in the last years, I sometimes feel more spiritually related to my cat who just sleeps and eats and chills all day, than to people who still have the drive to be fast and progressive and improving
R: 13 / I: 1
Is there any. And I mean any possible way to clear all discord messages from servers automatically? Including ones I'm banned from. I've posted some edgy, overly angsty and shocking images/messages in my absolute rock bottom, apathetic point in life that I regret/feel deeply ashamed about (and is even traceable to my real name/identity) - plus the chances of it being blackmailed towards me or getting me cancelled.

I'm attempting to essentially 'return' to the state I was prior to my mental health crisis and to my true and more stable and presentable self again; and wanting to clear as much trace of my online footprint as possible.
R: 10 / I: 1

Manic depression

Anybody else also suffer from mania and/or bipolar disorder? What do you do to calm down when mania strikes? Please share some tips, I want to sleep.
R: 86 / I: 29

Dakimakuras, body pillows, teddy bears

Alright, I’m proably on the edge of rules but I’ll take the risk. Do any of you have dakimakuras (or other non-anime body pillows) that you hug when you sleep? How does it feel like? Does it relieve the stress or the sadness?
I’m still sleeping with a teddybear like a fucking toddler but I really like the feeling. I tried to stop but Ijust can’t.
R: 37 / I: 2

absolute mediocre and inferior

I'm absolute mediocre or bad at everything I do. My favorite hobbies, of which I have a lot of passion for, are playing videogames and playing guitar, and I fucking suck at videogames and my guitar skills are mediocre besides playing for some years. My grades at school were always mediocre or bad and I couldn't enter for the course I wanted at university. Besides that, i'm pretty much ugly while my brother is the opposite, and what irritates me the most is that we came from the same parents and while I have mediterranean skin color he is 100% white, I have dark hair and dark eyes and he has light coloured eyes and blonde hair. We both have spanish genes (besides not being born in Spain), but while he is intelligent, sociable and white, I look like a fucking mexican and I can't excel at anything. God, not even at smash bros which is a fucking children's party game i'm good at. If my brother told someone that he has celtic ancestry (part of the family comes from Galicia) everyone would believe it, now if I said the same thing people would laugh at my face and tell me i'm not real white.
I'm a fucking joke, i'm ugly awkward and mediocre at everything, I try my best to be optimistic but I simply can't cope with not being as smart, sociable, skilled an white as my brother is, knowing that I could be like him since we came from the same parents. Just for the record, my eyes and hair are the same color as pic related but my skin is darker.
R: 25 / I: 1


I hold a lot of resentment towards my mom for the way I am today. In my early to mid teens she would always make fun of me and bully me because I had no friends and never went out. I suffered terribly from anxiety and depression but she never noticed or cared. She would just keep bashing me and bashing me until some days I would cry like a faggot full of rage in my heart. Of course this was in my room and I never showed any emotions. I can’t help but think that if she treated me differently or even supported me I would be have better mental health today. My dad on the other hand never really said much. I guess he sort of understood the pain I was going through as a fellow man. I hold little to no resentment towards him.

Nowadays, at the age of 22, when my mom calls me I can’t help but hang up as quickly as possible when I do answer her calls. She is totally ignorant of how much I dislike her. She wants to call and check on me, say she loves me etc. but I can only remember how bad she used to make me feel. I honestly can’t stand her. Sometimes she tells people how proud of me she is (not humble bragging at all) but she has nothing to do with it. I got my work ethic from my dad and I moved out as soon as I could to escape her.
R: 32 / I: 3
I am literally not good at anything. I'm not smart, my grammar's shit, I have a low attention span, my social skills are garbage, my looks are unremarkable, I can't play an instrument. I am even meh at video games even though it's what I do most of my shitty life. I listen to music for ages like a retard yet I have no fucking idea what makes it good, I am not even autistic enough to talk about anything in detail no matter how much time I devote to it or love it. It's all surface level. I am such an uninteresting piece of shit a lot of means of expressing myself is just copied from other people which I find interesting.
This shit is annoying. I hate myself so much bros, I wish I could be reborn into some completely another person. Sick of this emptiness I gotta say.
Anyone else feeling the same? I wish I could describe this feeling in a far clearer, shorter way.
R: 26 / I: 4

Why suicide is rational

1) Depends on the circumstances, suicide is rational because there is no prospects for improvement or knowing that you wont achieve what you want, so approaching death may be the best alternative depending of the situation, many criminals and homeless people cause lots of problems just to escape poverty and death, they crawl to life like maggots and do anything to stay alive purely by fear alone. Facing death is very honorable and requires a tantamount effort because the will to live present in molecular level, it is a very strong and irrational drive present in living beings without any self-awareness whatsoever.

2) The will to live is so strong that people want to extend the "self" beyond life, they create afterlife thoughts and wanting to maintain their existence somehow even if the body perishes. People go nuts if the learn that they will simply disappear, I believe this is why most religions have an afterlife or some spiritual form that the self is preserved somehow, the idea of oneself disappearing forever is very frightful because the will to live is so enormously strong that the byproduct of it is to fantasy the extension of it after death.

3)In pure rational terms, the drive for life is purely irrational, reason at first developed as a byproduct to sustain oneself like any other living being, but by gathering more information and seeking one's goal more accurately, the problem is that when one turns reason to give a scheme about life's drive, there is no sense of goal or objective, life itself has no goal and thus people enter in conflict because their consciousness and reason is built to find goals and works towards them, entering in conflict with reason, because the irrationality of life developed reason to sustain itself, creating a paradoxal synergy.

4) The goal of life is to preserve itself, but what is the most important element of life? The DNA, built by strains of molecules in the primordial soup and your body is just a vessel, a machine that carries the genes containing the DNA, so you are disposable and what matters are the genes, the genes built you to replicate themselves against other machines, therefore suicide isn't irrational nor cowardly when it comes to life if you wont reproduce and spread your genes. Every wizard is a genetic dead end and suicide thoughts are a byproduct of the volatility the body gives through emotional pain for you to move and work towards the goal of reproduction and when the pain stacks up, suicide may be rational decision to stop the pain when one perceives that one cannot accomplish the most basic urge and primal goal. Pain is fine when you are being rewarded or have a guarantee of reward, love makes pain to be bearable or even satisfying, but when you don't have love to trade with your pain, it becomes unbearable and just keeps stacking up.
R: 21 / I: 1

brother's baby suicideblocking me

My elder brother had a baby boy some months ago and it has kinda ruined my plans for "exiting". I feel tenderness and warmth when I see him,id like to see him grow,and we have good interactions and a wholesome time.
I dont know what to do, wait until he's a teen normie? Think of it as capturing a good pokemon and wanting to evolve him. I really want to see him as a grown boy and play together.
R: 13 / I: 0
"Suicide is selfish"

What the fuck does this even mean? Is it just one final kick in the balls from normalfags before someone goes and does it? Is it supposed to make the person feel better? If I were contemplating suicide the last thing I would give a fuck about is the same people who drove me to do it in the first place.
R: 3 / I: 0

An anti-Anti depression thread

Hello wizzies.
I'd like to know some of the things that causes depression or any other sort of mental illness. It's not a thread for things to help you get out of mental ilness but is to cause it.
Post some things that are known to have these side effects like pills that are OTC or very easy to get. Maybe some home stuff too or methods that cen help aggravate the illness.
No drugs please.
R: 25 / I: 3

ITT: Plans of action/Attempting Living with Sadness

There is something, even if it's vague, do you like to do?

>I had a keyboard since I was 15 years old but I not played with him for more than 10 minutes since I bought

>I want to be capable to read more than one sentence of any book before I get lost in my train of through
>I want able to separate part of my time to write down all the stories that come out of my head
>I miss my 2018's morning walkings
>become less internet/Imageboard dependent

My Plan: Wake Up at 6am > take a shower (it is hot where I live) > a short walk to buy bread(40m) > eat breakfest > read something(20m) > some internet > lunch > play a little keyboard(20m) > more internet > try to write something(20m) > sleep at 22h
I going to start with 20 minutes with each one.

No matter what I will always come with a excuse to not finish my life no matter what situation am in.
Since I don't gonna die to my own hands, I hope to make the life I'm living a little more bearable and fulfilling.
R: 8 / I: 1
>Let’s examine depressive self-destruction and blow the lid off what is actually going on. No witch doctors. First of all notice the fact that when the topic is brought up, it seems suicide is always encouraged. "Compassion" is offered, but that is often validation of the suicidal thought process.

>Not only do these frauds not try to tackle the basic problem, which is the why or reason to the victim, but by providing supposed "understanding" these people support the basic problem. One plus one equals two logic. Nobody notices because most people forgot how to do logic in elementary. And fall for all the scams.

>Let's ask some basic questions. The victim explains that he feels that he doesn't want to go on anymore. Well, we can ask him WHY that is, can't we? The answer is simple. He doesn't want to go on anymore because he doesn't feel that life is in fact positive. Here the frauds might validate him on this, trying to sell him some kind of solution. Instead, let's try the art of the argument.

>The victim says he does not value his own life. The question we should really ask is, is this kind of attitude at all human? Let's assume we're arguing with someone who is basically sane. Hopefully the patient accepts some standards of good and bad. Well, there is such a thing as a "crime against nature". There are monstrosities. Maybe most importantly, there is a difference between sanity and insanity, being true vs. being false. We know what "fake people" are like. The victim is stuck in false thinking. So the attitude of this person is wrong because it is monstrous, unnatural, and inhuman, as well as fake and false. And requires a repetence maybe. But not more validation. Like the "Joker" movie, which is actually a sick joke.

>Maybe the reason some of the frauds cannot handle the problem logically like this is because they are themselves not sane. And the victim shares their attitude, of some vague fear of death, maybe from the domineering feminine, and has really no standards of logic or behavior. Of course Jordan Peterson will not save anyone.
R: 29 / I: 1

self improvement meme

Do you wizards ever get frustrated by your family or peers in your community pushing the self improvement meme on you when you know, aswell they do that you're a mentally I'll socially stunted recluse with no real chance to live a normal life?

I'm diagnosed with bipolar 1, schizo effective, major depression, agoraphobia,and social anxiety. I dropped out of school completely the first month of middle school and just isolated my entire life, along with drug use like smoking pot I'd get from ants and step father I basically turned into a mental cripple.
now at the age of almost 32, people think I should be able to get off disability, get a job, and be able to be a social butterfly and be part of the community.

sorry for the blog post. I just humbly seek your council and wisdom, Wizards. Thank you
R: 13 / I: 1

Cutting advice

Call me a fag all you need to, just give me some tips on how to make cutting better, how do i make it hurt more so the relief is better etc etc
R: 313 / I: 38

Suicide General

The last suicide general has hit the bump limit.
Previous thread:
R: 310 / I: 35

Wageslave General

breaking free from it all edition

previous >>218261
R: 7 / I: 0

incline bed therapy +butekyo cured my depression

this isnt clickbait,its my honest story.
All the info im going to say is readily found online,im just explaining it briefly and to the point.
>sleeping on an inclined bed positively affects how gravity influences your cerebrospinal fluid and blood
>butekyo,(nose-breating+cold water dousing)is about sleeping upright. IBT achieves the same with maximum comfort

benefits:less sleep needed,thus REM rebound(more dreams). more vivid dreams even without rem rebound.less sleepy,more energetic.
Try this out guys,it will make you more energetic,you can learn to lucid dream,you'll have a lot of extra time every day
R: 23 / I: 1

anyone else just a fucked autist?

at this point i don't believe there's anything i can do. i try working towards things but the little failures i encounter and stupid mistakes i make along the way just seem to confirm that i'm not really cut out for much. way too defective. i barely passed high school and i couldn't handle the psyche warfare that was community college. i'm 26. now i'm becoming a second class citizen in a country turning into the third world all over (i'm californian) and i have nowhere to run, i'm basically just a sitting ageing duck. i was thinking about getting into the trades but i don't think i have what it takes for that either. i keep thinking i should just get a labor job in some other state or country with less people and real weather cycles, relocate there, and hopefully eventually just die on the job one day. or maybe i will take my savings and go out with an overdose or exit box in a nice cabin during the winter.

but it seems like if i'm denied basic human relationships, and i don't have a lot of frivolous or material desires (i no longer enjoy anything whatsoever) there should be some interesting work i can dedicate myself to instead. i've seen a lot of people over at /hob/ do it, but i can't seem to.
R: 55 / I: 9

The false companion of the internet.

I feel alone with frequency and seeing people online interacting in front of me has being the "solution" of this problem for quite a while, I spend all my waking hours here and others Imageboards. Leaving my computer increases my anxiety and upsets my mind.
Just looking at the screen gives me more peace than would have without, like a baby with his pacifier.

My dream is one day I use the internet only as an tool to search, learn or buy something
R: 66 / I: 16

When should you go?

I know there’s already a suicide thread, but this is more of a philosophical thread. I don’t want to ask, “How should you kill yourself?” or “Should you kill yourself?” but rather, “When should one kill oneself?” or really more of a “Shouldn’t EVERYONE consider eventually committing suicide?” And I also wanted to bounce these thoughts around because it’s not exactly like you can have a straightforward conversation with your mom about suicide.

Let’s say I have a desktop computer that I really, really like. I have the games and all the files on it that I want. As time marches on, I’ll have to do repairs on the computer. A power cord might fray, a power supply might go out. A floppy drive will need to be cleaned up. A hard drive will slowly pick up bad sectors. At some point, the net present value of expected repairs exceeds the cost of a new computer. However, say I’m really attached to this thing, and I march on. Eventually, as components become more and more difficult to find, the cost of singular components become more than a brand new computer. And, at some point in age, maintaining a truly authentic, original computer to the one I like begins to exponentially increase in cost. Into the far future, the infrastructure supporting development of old motherboards in an age of quantum computing, would require me to develop an old-school chip processing fabrication shop just to maintain this old computer. At some point, and although that may be far, FAR into the future, the cost simply becomes too much to be justified.

If I perform the same actuarial analysis on the human body, there likewise appears to be an exponential degradation. For the vast majority of people between their 20s to 30s, medical procedures are relatively benign. But, as time marches on, eventually someone gets a bad knees. They stop exercising, the medical problems begin piling on, then they get a heart attack that sets back their mental function to that of an 8th grader for a few years, then they get cancer, and so on. There’s a similar exponential takeoff in cost to keeping our human bodies running.

One strategy is that you could save as much resources as possible, or move somewhere where medical procedures are much more plentiful and cheaper, but even then the same principle applies. There’s an ultimate limit on the available resources available to you, and medical problems grow at an accelerating rate as one ages(*), no matter where one lives or how incredibly fit a lifestyle you might have. In either case you will run out of resources to maintain simply living. Moreover, as you whittle down these last available resources, life will become exponentially more difficult to live through, stressful, and painful. As a wizard, I know I’m not going to have a family, but assume for the sake of argument that I did. Wouldn’t it make more sense for me to choose a second strategy where I preemptively ‘’’plan’’’ to die BEFORE the statistically inevitable exponential takeoff, so that way I could leave a LOT more resources to my kin than blowing through it all just to live a few more days or weeks at most? Given this exponential takeoff in resources to maintain living, doesn’t it logically make sense that ‘’everyone should plan to eventually commit suicide at some point’’?

There’s plenty to argue about in what I’ve written so far, but in the case that you are the few that is still reading, I also wanted to bounce some thoughts around about estimating ‘’when’’ would be the most ideal time to die. Obviously, you could simply go until you run dry, but given the exponential takeoff when most people seem to get cancer or a heart attack, wouldn’t it make more sense to go ‘’before’’ these incredibly painful moments that just make the rest of one’s life a depressing shitshow? Why not take the age where given your cohort effects you have a cumulative percent chance of getting cancer or a heart attack up to that point of >50%, and off yourself right then and there?

The main benefit is this: if you’re able to plan ahead and save for it, you get to live a significantly larger portion of your worry-free and completely healthy life in luxury. In other words, say I save money until I’m 65, and then I retire. I have the end of my life with an incredibly feeble body that given the life expectancy of the U.S., I would maybe have 13 years, but more significantly is the fact that I don’t know how much longer my funds are really supposed to last me, or really have a good idea of what my costs through retirement were going to be, and especially how the hell do I save when I know that my medical costs are going to increase exponentially as I age. Now, if I ‘’plan’’ to die, when, just to choose a number, say 60. Then I can work backwards to figure out how much I need to maximize the amount I can live in complete comfort without the risk of some event completely bankrupting me (and if such an event does happen, then I know that I’m one of the statistically unlucky that has a higher rate on my exponential curve and can morbidly adjust my date accordingly), which also means that I don’t have to save enough to live off of interest either. I can save enough with the further expectation that I will burn through those savings as well, which means I can ‘retire’ earlier.

Finally, there’s the added bonus that—you know—I don’t die incredibly painfully from pancreatic cancer or an unexpected heart attack as my brain slowly chokes to death for hours while I wreath on the floor for hours. I can leave honorably and peacefully and on my own terms with plenty of time to create a whole “I’ve lived through my allotted time” kind of eschatology.

(*) P.S. I would like to find better data on this. So far, everything I’ve found lumps everyone older than 65 together. Just looking at 10 to 65, there seems to be an exponential curve fit, but it’d be nice to see if it really continues. At some point, I would expect it to stop, not because costs don’t keep going exponential, but because people simply run out of funds and you’re left with only the super-rich able to afford living with 37 cancer treatments in a hospital suite under a ventilator the week before they ultimately die.
R: 311 / I: 42

Depression Crawl Thread XXVIII

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
R: 54 / I: 3

Copes your parents gave you growing up

"you're so young"

"you can do anything you set your mind to"

"don't compare yourself to others"

"things will be better when you're older"

"einstein was initially bad at math"(lie)

"you're just a teenager; you will thank me when you're older and happy"

I'm 29 now and hopeless. I hate my parents so much for all the bullshit platitudes and being shit in general.
R: 11 / I: 2

How the fuck do you get neetbux in the UK

I'm gonna go legitimately insane. Why is it so hard to just check out of society?
R: 76 / I: 8

Dystheism thread

I both believe in and thoroughly hate God. Now a lot of you atheists will think “LOL WhY hATe GuD InSteAD thInK HiM not ReaL?” But disbelief is not an option for me due to intense personal revelation. That’s right, I was in the thick of it, fasting for numbers of days at a time, getting tested by demons and I have fuck all to show for it aside from some psychotic diagnoses I was finally able to milk for neetbux. I’m going to hell and let me tell you God is an importunate douche.
R: 21 / I: 0

Life is unfair and I'm sad about it

Lately I've come to realize life isn't going to magically turn around like I thought, now I am 26 and life only seems to have more horrors in store for me, in every respect. But it does give me a strange painful feeling of betrayal, by what or whom I was betrayed I don't know, I just thought that the pain in my life would be over eventually.

For some reason I thought that because the first half of my life was hard and filled with pain, loss and everything in-between that it would mean I'd figure it out and have the rest of my life to enjoy. Well now my "youth" is entirely over and I can't imagine a million dollars is going to show up at the door or my family will come back, it was a silly childish thought to believe life somehow had something in store for me. I just wish I hadn't believed it until I was in my late twenties. Anyone here have the same foolish impression before their reality check by the demiurge?
R: 17 / I: 0

Nietzsche's Eternal Reoccurance of the Same

>What if a demon were to creep after you one day or night, in your loneliest loneliness, and say: "This life which you live and have lived, must be lived again by you, and innumerable times more. And mere will be nothing new in it, but every pain and every joy and every thought and every sigh—everything unspeakably small and great in your life—must come again to you, and in the same sequence and series … The eternal hourglass will again and again be turned—and you with it, speck of dust!" Would you not throw yourself down and curse the demon who spoke to you thus? Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment, in which you would answer him: "Thou art a god, and never have I heard anything more divine!"

Is anyone else petrified by this? I know it was a thought experiment but there are those who take it very seriously. It's especially shitty if you're life is basically over already and cannot even salvage the rest of it. I had lived an awful life which was far more miserable than not and the thought of having to live it over again let alone an infinite number of times fills me with the utmost of dread and despair. Repeating all of life's near hits and near misses, every anguishing experience you've ever had being recorded into the tome of eternity to be repeated endlessly. It would be one thing if there was variation but no, each atom in the same place at the same time. So, for example, if you killed yourself, you'd just reappear in the next universe cycle where you started when you had your first memories and it would all play out the exact same. Eternal oblivion would be a paradise by comparison.

A heaven for some but a hell for many.
R: 11 / I: 0
Going to escape my psych ward then kill myself. It’s really risky and I hope I’m able to outrun security
R: 26 / I: 1
How resist? Every day is a damn hell, I feel like I can't take this life anymore. I have been living practically locked up for no purpose in life but surviving for several years, every time I have tried to improve my life I hit the wall and time progresses in the blink of an eye, I feel like I am drowning in my own mediocrity and I hate myself too much.

I have afraid, I don't want to grow old and realize how I spent my whole life doing nothing all because of my damn anxiety and inability to live in this society.

How are the most experienced wizards able to live a similar life without blowing their damn head? (I admire these guys) each day is so frustrating and repetitive over and over, that when I least feel it I am crying non-stop, I can't stop crying.

Sorry for mi english.
R: 50 / I: 4

Meme suggestions for neets

>learn data science(involves math/professional bs)
> generic learn to code(really tedious and mindbusting if you don't like it interviews suck)
> learn a trade(have to get an apprenticeship)
>make an etsy store and sell home made crafts(oversaturated)

god I hate advicegroids
R: 31 / I: 3
Depression is a state of constant denial about whether life has meaning or not, but the truth is that the meaning of life is nothing more and nothing less than dying, dying as soon as possible, because you realize that nothing has sense and there is nothing to live for (especially if you have non-white genes in your DNA)

So it is no use taking life seriously because it does not make sense, when you are alone you think and think about many things to the point where you realize that suicide is the best option, of course there are exceptions, but those exceptions are only for the 1% of the world population that can have what they want, for the rest the only thing we do is constantly suffer to continue feeding the fortune and lifestyle of the 1%.

In conclusion, life is simply a state of constant suffering that only serves to satisfy 1% of the population, the solution is suicide since it is the only way out.
R: 4 / I: 0

Health problems

All my life I suffered rare health problems. First as a kid I had severe migraines and couldn't go out in the sun and play like the other children. I also suffered from asthma and a chronic cough. Then, when my teeth began to grow in, I had permanent ankylosed tooth, where my molar teeth were fused to the jaw bone. I went through many surgeries to try to save these teeth but ultimately they had to cut one out. Now I have only 3 molars and csn't chew on one side. I also have a big gap in my teetb, they tried to fix with braces but the braces kept breaking for some reason and hurting my mouth so they gave up and left it. As a teen I had frequent stomach problems and was diagnosed with cyclic vomiting syndrome. In my early 20s, I got diagnosed with keratoconus, a degenerative eye disease that required two painful surgeries, and left me with badly damaged vision. Now, at age 26 I have been diagnosed with s squamous cell carcinoma, a type of skin cancer, even though I rarely go into the sun. This is not even mentioning many small problems like allergies and frequent colds and my extensive mental health issues, which I assume others have. I don't even conduct my life in an unhealthy manner, I just have terrible genes that are badly adapted to my environment. I sometimes feel like a mistake of nature or that the world wants to kill me.

Did other wizzies have chronic health problems like this? Tell me about your poor health.