R: 245 / I: 25
previous thread >>301013
Depression Crawl Thread LXX
Vent your shit here that is not deserving of its own thread editionprevious thread >>301013
R: 9 / I: 1
>So TL:DR; online places changed and I'm no longer suited for them. There are no suitable places and circumstances to make friends at my age. People my age got families and why would they want to be my friend anyways?
2000s internet vibes can still be found in:
* Gaiaonline
* Vaporwave communities
* City forums, I guess?
* Food communities, kitchen clubs
* they hack "gamespy" era PC games to have multiplayer mode WITHOUT now-defunct GameSlayn. Games that still have communities
* Dos.zone
DOS era games can be played online.
>So TL:DR; online places changed and I'm no longer suited for them. There are no suitable places and circumstances to make friends at my age. People my age got families and why would they want to be my friend anyways?
2000s internet vibes can still be found in:
* Gaiaonline
* Vaporwave communities
* City forums, I guess?
* Food communities, kitchen clubs
* they hack "gamespy" era PC games to have multiplayer mode WITHOUT now-defunct GameSlayn. Games that still have communities
* Dos.zone
DOS era games can be played online.
R: 13 / I: 5
I made it all back twice, and twice lost everything.
While I was winning I thought to myself, great finally there is something I'm good at, something that could uplift me from the deep hole I got stuck in for so many years, and then I got wiped, I might try again in few mounts, but it got me thinking, why even try?
Not even about trading or making money, no matter what I've tried over the years nothing ever sticks with me or works for me.
There was nothing in my life that I was ever good at, finally I thought to myself, this is it, it worked so good for me, maybe I'm not such a failure, maybe it is my calling, and what do you know? I fucked up like I did everything I've ever touched.
I'm lost, I feel empty inside, but there is no pain, some fainting panic, but that's it, I feel dark and empty inside.
I think the only thing that might make me feel better is something that I must get good at fast, something where I could easily measure and see progress, but I don't know what it could be.
P.S. I'll vent here for a while, yell into abyss, hope it works.
Lost money
I lost a lot of money trading, worst part is:I made it all back twice, and twice lost everything.
While I was winning I thought to myself, great finally there is something I'm good at, something that could uplift me from the deep hole I got stuck in for so many years, and then I got wiped, I might try again in few mounts, but it got me thinking, why even try?
Not even about trading or making money, no matter what I've tried over the years nothing ever sticks with me or works for me.
There was nothing in my life that I was ever good at, finally I thought to myself, this is it, it worked so good for me, maybe I'm not such a failure, maybe it is my calling, and what do you know? I fucked up like I did everything I've ever touched.
I'm lost, I feel empty inside, but there is no pain, some fainting panic, but that's it, I feel dark and empty inside.
I think the only thing that might make me feel better is something that I must get good at fast, something where I could easily measure and see progress, but I don't know what it could be.
P.S. I'll vent here for a while, yell into abyss, hope it works.
R: 21 / I: 1
Circadian rhythm
How's everyone's sleep schedule? Any tips or tricks for getting a consistent sleep pattern and/or sleep schedule
R: 17 / I: 2
How do you guys manage to stay out of bed as shut-in NEETs? I have been a NEET for almost a decade and only now have I realized I'm addicted to laying on my bed all day. I think all started 10 or so years ago when I was still in school, I started to prefer laying on my bed than staying on the computer or doing anything else on my free time. Then I dropped out and became a NEET. Obviously as a shut-in there's not much to do so I normally stay on my bed all day. I have a good computer, but can't stand using it for long. My back and legs start aching and I just find my bed so damn comfortable. I have lots of blankets, cuishons and plushies to make myself even extra comfy. This is bothering me because I can't work on personal projects or use the static bike I bought because I spend my days on my bed doing nothing. Even lurking the internet is way better for me on the bed using my tablet because I can zoom in if I have to and I can watch anime on it. I started joining IRC channels from my computer in hopes to keep myself out of bed since IRC works better from a desktop.
This seems to be a real mental condition called clinophilia. There's barely any info on it besides https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinophilia and most people online treat it like a joke "haha yeah I love staying in bed!" normalfag type of comments. But this is a serious illness as it makes me unable to stay healthy and active even as a NEET.
How do you guys manage to stay out of bed as shut-in NEETs? I have been a NEET for almost a decade and only now have I realized I'm addicted to laying on my bed all day. I think all started 10 or so years ago when I was still in school, I started to prefer laying on my bed than staying on the computer or doing anything else on my free time. Then I dropped out and became a NEET. Obviously as a shut-in there's not much to do so I normally stay on my bed all day. I have a good computer, but can't stand using it for long. My back and legs start aching and I just find my bed so damn comfortable. I have lots of blankets, cuishons and plushies to make myself even extra comfy. This is bothering me because I can't work on personal projects or use the static bike I bought because I spend my days on my bed doing nothing. Even lurking the internet is way better for me on the bed using my tablet because I can zoom in if I have to and I can watch anime on it. I started joining IRC channels from my computer in hopes to keep myself out of bed since IRC works better from a desktop.
This seems to be a real mental condition called clinophilia. There's barely any info on it besides https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinophilia and most people online treat it like a joke "haha yeah I love staying in bed!" normalfag type of comments. But this is a serious illness as it makes me unable to stay healthy and active even as a NEET.
R: 26 / I: 6
I have no purpose at life. I just roam. I do this since I was born. Never said one day I'm going to do something. I'm waiting the moment I will say "fine thats' it, thats the day I'll do something with my life" but I know it will never come. I'm a trash
I have no purpose at life. I just roam. I do this since I was born. Never said one day I'm going to do something. I'm waiting the moment I will say "fine thats' it, thats the day I'll do something with my life" but I know it will never come. I'm a trash
R: 13 / I: 1
ОК, i just dont get it
My mother keeps calling me at my workplace over the fact my pants look "horrible", "off-putting", and other stuff
I am busting me arse here to earn some money to cover her expenses yet she would start a fucking opera scene over wrong type of pants I am wearing.
Ugh.
For years, I was believing I am an autistic debile with asexuality-like condition, now I realise it was me mum all along, teaching me to be nervous over this or that irrelevant detail here or there - stuff people would normally give no friks about
ОК, i just dont get it
My mother keeps calling me at my workplace over the fact my pants look "horrible", "off-putting", and other stuff
I am busting me arse here to earn some money to cover her expenses yet she would start a fucking opera scene over wrong type of pants I am wearing.
Ugh.
For years, I was believing I am an autistic debile with asexuality-like condition, now I realise it was me mum all along, teaching me to be nervous over this or that irrelevant detail here or there - stuff people would normally give no friks about
R: 127 / I: 13
Healthy people are NPCs. They don't really exist. With disease comes the awareness of your body that your private hell and your true existence begins and hear the scream of everything. Pain teach you what it means to really exist. Disease's manifesto: to live is to suffer like a ragdoll while fate prisons you in the eternal hours pregnant with pain to cure of you from the sin of life.
Disease Thread
This thread is for the discussion of the greatest misfortune in existence that is disease.Healthy people are NPCs. They don't really exist. With disease comes the awareness of your body that your private hell and your true existence begins and hear the scream of everything. Pain teach you what it means to really exist. Disease's manifesto: to live is to suffer like a ragdoll while fate prisons you in the eternal hours pregnant with pain to cure of you from the sin of life.
R: 35 / I: 5
The top 5 regrets of the dying according to an Australian palliative care nurse Bonnie Ware are:
-I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
-I wish I hadn't worked so much.
-I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
-I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
-I wish that I had let myself be happier.
The top 5 regrets of the dying according to an Australian palliative care nurse Bonnie Ware are:
-I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
-I wish I hadn't worked so much.
-I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
-I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
-I wish that I had let myself be happier.
R: 4 / I: 1
We didn't have a normal childhood, and if we did at some point during childhood, puberty, or adolescence, we screwed up and were rejected or abandoned or some fucked up thing.
>Ptsd
A few days ago, I read that people with PTSD have a characteristic lack of light and permanent dilated pupils in their eyes, as if they were almost dead. I looked at photos from my childhood, and at a certain age, I already looked terrible just by looking my eyes and face, from genuine happyness to pure sadness.
>Do you want to vent and tell me a story about some traumatic shit?
I have vague memories of tunnel vision dissociation after being rejected and abandoned as a child and another one as teenager. I wouldn't wish that experience to anyone.
>Avpd
I wonder if this shit is just a process of dehumanization every damn day. I feel out of step or out of alignment with the normies' charade of pretending that everything is fine. I can barely fake it with family members and some close acquaintances (who are not my friends but are friends of my family) and with childrens, I don't want them to end up like me either.
I'm going to say something that makes me cringe, but this year I felt a very stupid happiness because someone who is not part of my family expressed interest or curiosity about me. I don't know if them did it out of morbid curiosity or genuine interest in some form of human kindness, but it made me feel temporarily happy and not so alone and isolated. And no, it wasn't the typical “Are you okay?” that leads to the automatic fake response of ‘'Yes'’ or “Yes, but I'm just now busy and a little tired.”
If only I could make friends or find something similar to human companionship, like with my pets, I wouldn't feel so alone.
I miss playing video games like TF2, WoW, CS, other MMOs, ending up in long hours games and parties laughing with randoms, Even there, I connected with those who were disconnected and found support and friendship. Thank you for that.
Avpd and Ptsd
I know the truth.We didn't have a normal childhood, and if we did at some point during childhood, puberty, or adolescence, we screwed up and were rejected or abandoned or some fucked up thing.
>Ptsd
A few days ago, I read that people with PTSD have a characteristic lack of light and permanent dilated pupils in their eyes, as if they were almost dead. I looked at photos from my childhood, and at a certain age, I already looked terrible just by looking my eyes and face, from genuine happyness to pure sadness.
>Do you want to vent and tell me a story about some traumatic shit?
I have vague memories of tunnel vision dissociation after being rejected and abandoned as a child and another one as teenager. I wouldn't wish that experience to anyone.
>Avpd
I wonder if this shit is just a process of dehumanization every damn day. I feel out of step or out of alignment with the normies' charade of pretending that everything is fine. I can barely fake it with family members and some close acquaintances (who are not my friends but are friends of my family) and with childrens, I don't want them to end up like me either.
I'm going to say something that makes me cringe, but this year I felt a very stupid happiness because someone who is not part of my family expressed interest or curiosity about me. I don't know if them did it out of morbid curiosity or genuine interest in some form of human kindness, but it made me feel temporarily happy and not so alone and isolated. And no, it wasn't the typical “Are you okay?” that leads to the automatic fake response of ‘'Yes'’ or “Yes, but I'm just now busy and a little tired.”
If only I could make friends or find something similar to human companionship, like with my pets, I wouldn't feel so alone.
I miss playing video games like TF2, WoW, CS, other MMOs, ending up in long hours games and parties laughing with randoms, Even there, I connected with those who were disconnected and found support and friendship. Thank you for that.
R: 146 / I: 13
The fact that I can't have a girlfriend destroys me.
I would like to be with a being with whom I can share everyday moments, to have a being to worry about, in which I can capture the most beautiful part of my being, to whom I can show my vulnerable parts, express my deepest emotions, and show them really who I am. But who am I really? Even in an anonymous forum, I would say he is a great guy, who went through some things, but who despite everything never gave up, someone who always wants the best for others, and who has an optimistic vision even in the most difficult moments. hard And although in a certain way the above is not a lie, the reality is that there is an uncivilized being inside me, someone so disgusting and unpleasant that I don't even like to admit that we are the same person, and hypocritically, whether consciously or unconsciously. , I pretend it doesn't exist. But this is an undeniable reality, and although it is something that can be hidden, it is something that I would never share with anyone, much less voluntarily. I prefer to be a hermit secluded from all social contact rather than show this part of my being. I'm not going to lie to you, life alone is not the best thing in the world, and it has some associated problems, but it is not something completely bad either, and it helps to value things, self-esteem, one's own thoughts, and leave aside vain issues. like social norms, or what someone outside of us may or may not think of us.
R: 9 / I: 0
I know this is a meme, but taking a shower can completely turn my mood around and make my worries go away, even if it's just for a couple of hours. Listening to uplifting and happy music is also very effective for me. Sometimes I have to force myself at first, but generally it changes my mood.
What are some things you wizs do to minimize depression?
Minimizing Depression
Let's discuss strategies for getting rid of pessimistic thoughts. No negativity allowed in this thread.I know this is a meme, but taking a shower can completely turn my mood around and make my worries go away, even if it's just for a couple of hours. Listening to uplifting and happy music is also very effective for me. Sometimes I have to force myself at first, but generally it changes my mood.
What are some things you wizs do to minimize depression?
R: 29 / I: 2
It used to be a good coping mechanism for me, but it seems the older I've gotten the worse it feels, and it's become detrimental to my health and the way I behave around people. Easily annoyed, constantly starting shit, tired all the time, strange pains. And I was still getting worse, fast.
This has been a wake-up call and I'm realizing I need to quit before it's too late. Though that's easy for me to say now when I'm still feeling bad, and I fear the cravings will come back strong, but I know I've got to try.
Curious to hear others experience with this.
Alcoholism
Does anyone here struggle with alcohol, or have managed to quit?It used to be a good coping mechanism for me, but it seems the older I've gotten the worse it feels, and it's become detrimental to my health and the way I behave around people. Easily annoyed, constantly starting shit, tired all the time, strange pains. And I was still getting worse, fast.
This has been a wake-up call and I'm realizing I need to quit before it's too late. Though that's easy for me to say now when I'm still feeling bad, and I fear the cravings will come back strong, but I know I've got to try.
Curious to hear others experience with this.
R: 5 / I: 0
I hate how pathetic I am, I’m so fucking clumsy, my hand coordination is awful. Im always dropping shit which only makes me look like more of a retard
Most of all I hate the way other people look at me, there two “looks” I get from people. The first is the pitiful one. They see how pathetic I am, how socially inept, awkward and harmless I am and take pity on me like they would with a dementia patient. The other “look” is the hateful/judgmental one. They assume due to my awkwardness, my uncanny demeanour, ugly face and lack of height that I’m some kind of freak/someone to be suspicious of. They look at me like I’m some kind of sex pest/serial killer when all I’m doing is just existing
I put in the effort, I workout every day, I eat well, I keep good hygiene, I try, lord knows I fucking try, but I have to ask what’s the point? It won’t change anything. I can’t cure this awful plague of the mind I was born with, I’ll never be accepted or even tolerated by normies so why make an effort? Why try in life and work hard when I don’t even get the slightest bit of respect from the people around me? Part of me wants to just stay in my room stuffing my face with junk food and playing vidya all day but if I did that I’d only be more miserable.
Any other wizards have this condition? If so how do you cope with it?
Autism
I fucking loathe being autistic, I fucking hate how I can have articulate thoughts in my head yet can only muster and spew out the same few fucking phrases irl because I’m caught off guard and don’t know what to sayI hate how pathetic I am, I’m so fucking clumsy, my hand coordination is awful. Im always dropping shit which only makes me look like more of a retard
Most of all I hate the way other people look at me, there two “looks” I get from people. The first is the pitiful one. They see how pathetic I am, how socially inept, awkward and harmless I am and take pity on me like they would with a dementia patient. The other “look” is the hateful/judgmental one. They assume due to my awkwardness, my uncanny demeanour, ugly face and lack of height that I’m some kind of freak/someone to be suspicious of. They look at me like I’m some kind of sex pest/serial killer when all I’m doing is just existing
I put in the effort, I workout every day, I eat well, I keep good hygiene, I try, lord knows I fucking try, but I have to ask what’s the point? It won’t change anything. I can’t cure this awful plague of the mind I was born with, I’ll never be accepted or even tolerated by normies so why make an effort? Why try in life and work hard when I don’t even get the slightest bit of respect from the people around me? Part of me wants to just stay in my room stuffing my face with junk food and playing vidya all day but if I did that I’d only be more miserable.
Any other wizards have this condition? If so how do you cope with it?
R: 11 / I: 0
>Stuck on final assignments with no motivation
>Each day the deadline gets closer
I'm so close yet I can't get my act together
FALLING BEHIND
>Last semester of uni>Stuck on final assignments with no motivation
>Each day the deadline gets closer
I'm so close yet I can't get my act together
R: 23 / I: 11
I didn't know we could draw. Why isn't this done more often?
put your feeling in a drawing
And say something about it if you want. I'm scared of my dad so I'm drawing a monster (him?)I didn't know we could draw. Why isn't this done more often?
R: 4 / I: 0
I recently worked alone on the backend of a course project, barely sleeping and also helping with the frontend. Before the deadline, my hands were shaking from anxiety and lack of sleep, which made my stuttering worse. Still, I finished the project (ASP.NET + Angular) and got 11 out of 12 points - almost a perfect score.
But our frontend guy only got 12 points for a beautiful cover, while I was fixing bugs, creating the backend and connecting everything via API. After all this, I was given even more assignments, and now I can't focus on my own projects. Everyone acts like they know what I should do, but I want to do what I want. I have a few personal projects, but they never moved beyond testing.
What frustrates me the most is the uncertainty - I never know if I will succeed. The chances of failure seem huge. The military pressure makes it worse - if I do nothing, I am sent to war (death sentence), or thrown out on the street, or harshly judged.
Thoughts of suicide used to come a few times a year; now it is almost every day. I do not want to live like this. I am too weak mentally to die, but I feel like I am just existing without hope. On top of that, I am burdened by old wounds and a burning desire to take revenge for all the humiliations I have suffered.
Also, I stutter. Most people don’t really care about it and just ignore it, which is actually good. But a few still mock me, including relatives, saying things like, “If you don’t like it, don’t stutter, or it’s embarrassing for me.”
I'm tired
I'm nervous because I've tried so many times and it never worked.I recently worked alone on the backend of a course project, barely sleeping and also helping with the frontend. Before the deadline, my hands were shaking from anxiety and lack of sleep, which made my stuttering worse. Still, I finished the project (ASP.NET + Angular) and got 11 out of 12 points - almost a perfect score.
But our frontend guy only got 12 points for a beautiful cover, while I was fixing bugs, creating the backend and connecting everything via API. After all this, I was given even more assignments, and now I can't focus on my own projects. Everyone acts like they know what I should do, but I want to do what I want. I have a few personal projects, but they never moved beyond testing.
What frustrates me the most is the uncertainty - I never know if I will succeed. The chances of failure seem huge. The military pressure makes it worse - if I do nothing, I am sent to war (death sentence), or thrown out on the street, or harshly judged.
Thoughts of suicide used to come a few times a year; now it is almost every day. I do not want to live like this. I am too weak mentally to die, but I feel like I am just existing without hope. On top of that, I am burdened by old wounds and a burning desire to take revenge for all the humiliations I have suffered.
Also, I stutter. Most people don’t really care about it and just ignore it, which is actually good. But a few still mock me, including relatives, saying things like, “If you don’t like it, don’t stutter, or it’s embarrassing for me.”
R: 2 / I: 0
todai I learned Helicobacter Pylori bacteria reduces your B12 vitamin levels as well as iron levels.
My diet is weird also
I need to pass a breath Helicobacter Pilori test (or vomit into a cup a little, I suppose)
maybe that's where my ruined mood comes from
todai I learned Helicobacter Pylori bacteria reduces your B12 vitamin levels as well as iron levels.
My diet is weird also
I need to pass a breath Helicobacter Pilori test (or vomit into a cup a little, I suppose)
maybe that's where my ruined mood comes from
R: 32 / I: 2
>Too nervous to talk to anyone and make friends
>Become a lurker and feel sad when I see others make connections and friends
>end up leaving the server
Any tips to help stop this dilemma?
Chronically online and chronically alone
>Join discord server>Too nervous to talk to anyone and make friends
>Become a lurker and feel sad when I see others make connections and friends
>end up leaving the server
Any tips to help stop this dilemma?
R: 17 / I: 3
I am in my first year of college studying to be a teacher, and the people I have met here are not exactly nice to me. I am not interested in being social, but I still feel like an outcast. I no longer have the motivation to study and the idea of getting a degree is… lost.
>but why anon?
I joined a group here out of a mixture of obligation and necessity, I've seen that the people in my group interact, talk, converse, and get together, and I can see perfectly how everything flows naturally for them, as if there were some kind of magnetic attraction between them. they even interact with each other to form romantic relationships, they share personal things and I feel that they empathize with each other.
>And anon? just ignore it a do your things
I feel so fucking out of place like a alien around humans. It's as if I were cursed and i know they know and are paranoid know it. The truth is that pretending to be sociable no longer works for me. It's as if they knew that I wasn't normal. I noticed them saying too much to me things like
>you're very serious and responsible (when I asked someone how they saw me)
>you're very quiet (when the others wouldn't stop talking, I just listened because I didn't have anything… to say)
>Why do you isolate yourself so much from others? (when I was honest and refused to have a picture of me taken, i dont like photos)
and I thought I could ignore it, but I can't And I swear that every damn time they ignore me or say something like this to me, it hurts.
I was doing well with my studies, but those last few weeks I had to interact more socially with my group, and I realized that I'm awful. I don't know if I don't have a personality, but that last thing they said about me isolating myself from other hurt me so much because I don't know how the hell to act. It's as if I had dehumanized myself, automatically becoming an outcast, a gypsy, or the Jew of the group. Maybe I messed up my teenage years and didn't have normie experiences like everyone else.
I screwed up my grades bacause of how bad I felt and now I have to study more than I would consider healthy, but the truth is I feel so disappointed just by myself that I want to quit my degree and study other thing or I don't fucking know what to do now.
and yes, Lately, I've started to wonder if I'm not surrounded by assholes or if I'm just paranoid and it's just low self-esteem and anxiety.
I don't know how the hell this social stupid thing affected me so much when I never cared about it before, but I think the fact that I feel dehumanized and out of place messed me up mentally. Everyone seems perfect and has a bright future, and I feel like shit.
>Also
I know I could isolate myself completely and just focus on my studies and do really well, but I know that in the long run I'm going to need to socialize. and when I start working, what the hell am I supposed to do? I seriously don't know if it's a social anxiety or if I have some kind of mental disorder or some magic cursed shit.
Lost enthusiasm toward university
All my life I believed that studying guaranteed a future, a job, comfort, and a certain circle of good people from a certain social class that was educated and maybe healthy and more good compared to the environment I was born into (I saw this with other people and i knew this vision was true)I am in my first year of college studying to be a teacher, and the people I have met here are not exactly nice to me. I am not interested in being social, but I still feel like an outcast. I no longer have the motivation to study and the idea of getting a degree is… lost.
>but why anon?
I joined a group here out of a mixture of obligation and necessity, I've seen that the people in my group interact, talk, converse, and get together, and I can see perfectly how everything flows naturally for them, as if there were some kind of magnetic attraction between them. they even interact with each other to form romantic relationships, they share personal things and I feel that they empathize with each other.
>And anon? just ignore it a do your things
I feel so fucking out of place like a alien around humans. It's as if I were cursed and i know they know and are paranoid know it. The truth is that pretending to be sociable no longer works for me. It's as if they knew that I wasn't normal. I noticed them saying too much to me things like
>you're very serious and responsible (when I asked someone how they saw me)
>you're very quiet (when the others wouldn't stop talking, I just listened because I didn't have anything… to say)
>Why do you isolate yourself so much from others? (when I was honest and refused to have a picture of me taken, i dont like photos)
and I thought I could ignore it, but I can't And I swear that every damn time they ignore me or say something like this to me, it hurts.
I was doing well with my studies, but those last few weeks I had to interact more socially with my group, and I realized that I'm awful. I don't know if I don't have a personality, but that last thing they said about me isolating myself from other hurt me so much because I don't know how the hell to act. It's as if I had dehumanized myself, automatically becoming an outcast, a gypsy, or the Jew of the group. Maybe I messed up my teenage years and didn't have normie experiences like everyone else.
I screwed up my grades bacause of how bad I felt and now I have to study more than I would consider healthy, but the truth is I feel so disappointed just by myself that I want to quit my degree and study other thing or I don't fucking know what to do now.
and yes, Lately, I've started to wonder if I'm not surrounded by assholes or if I'm just paranoid and it's just low self-esteem and anxiety.
I don't know how the hell this social stupid thing affected me so much when I never cared about it before, but I think the fact that I feel dehumanized and out of place messed me up mentally. Everyone seems perfect and has a bright future, and I feel like shit.
>Also
I know I could isolate myself completely and just focus on my studies and do really well, but I know that in the long run I'm going to need to socialize. and when I start working, what the hell am I supposed to do? I seriously don't know if it's a social anxiety or if I have some kind of mental disorder or some magic cursed shit.
R: 37 / I: 0
When I'm not nauseous or in pain I may have shortness of breath and tachycardia, often I'm also constipated.
Despite the vomit and constipation I try to eat and drink as much as I can, I'm losing weight and I fear to end up bedbound if I don't do so.
I've done some medical tests like blood tests, endoscopy, ecography, with no evidence of disease…still I'm really sick.
And my problem is I'm monitored by my parents, despite being an adult I have no freedom and they don't want to help me with suicide but I can't live like this.
I'm being tortured with no end in sight.
Suffering from illness with no suicide method available
Every morning I'm nauseous, really nauseous, sometime I puke and when I'm not nauseous I get random abdominal pain.When I'm not nauseous or in pain I may have shortness of breath and tachycardia, often I'm also constipated.
Despite the vomit and constipation I try to eat and drink as much as I can, I'm losing weight and I fear to end up bedbound if I don't do so.
I've done some medical tests like blood tests, endoscopy, ecography, with no evidence of disease…still I'm really sick.
And my problem is I'm monitored by my parents, despite being an adult I have no freedom and they don't want to help me with suicide but I can't live like this.
I'm being tortured with no end in sight.
R: 18 / I: 2
How do I block out the noise of the world?
Foam has helped me partially or mattresses against windows/ walls etc. depends on what sort of noise and where it’s coming from.
Are used to put mattresses and foam panels against street facing windows. I would say it blocks 25% or so
Mattress covering entire window frame is so obscene though. And don't want hyperacusis caused by using noise cancelling headphones or earplugs.
How do I block out the noise of the world?
Foam has helped me partially or mattresses against windows/ walls etc. depends on what sort of noise and where it’s coming from.
Are used to put mattresses and foam panels against street facing windows. I would say it blocks 25% or so
Mattress covering entire window frame is so obscene though. And don't want hyperacusis caused by using noise cancelling headphones or earplugs.
R: 114 / I: 10
No hope for autists
Whitepillers don't have a retort for autism. You can get a good degree, pursue your hobbies and work on your self esteem but if you have autism you will never make it in this anti-autistic world, Life is all about one thing. Being born without autism. If you're born without autism the normies will make excuses for you, help you out, share money with you, give you 100 chances, etc. Meanwhile if you have autism you're evil and creepy just for existing and blinking the wrong way. Everybody gets to live for free except autists and only autists who are given this fake ass "you gotta pull yourself up by your bootstraps and make your life" "you gotta amount to something" "innovation" story. Shit that literally no one else has to follow. R: 11 / I: 0
Helping wizards to understand that persuasive feelings of suicide can be bested.
Further the discursive spirit of this thread will remain the same as the first: to counter the general luring tenor of sadness that defines all the other threads through sharing positive practical advice purposed to reducing suicidal behavior even when we feel most suicidal. Naturally, being that I started the topic, I will be the first to contribute.
(1) Know that I care about you guys deeply and sincerely. Call me a faggot, I don't care (many have already done this, to no worthwhile avail)
(2) Examine what you are eating. For example, gluten especially produces depressive/psychotic episodes in sensitive autistic individuals. Sugar also is not healthy for your brain. Delimiting ingestion of both is wise.
(3) Make sure you are getting sufficient sleep. Chronic sleeplessness or even a few days' worth of irregular sleep can seriously interfere with the clarity of our thinking.
(4) Clean up. Taking a warm shower and putting on fresh clean clothes always is refreshing and helps to break up darkened mental habits.
(5) Breathe fresh air. Open whichever windows punctuate your room and allow some wind to come in.
(6) Watch your breathing. When we are panicked, our breathing can become very disordered and we do not recognize the effect this has on our thinking. Take deep, purposeful breaths, and collect your thoughts.
(7) Respect yourself. You have done your best to survive in an awful world, and you should grant yourself forgiveness for any mistakes and the allowance to rest with a composed and balanced mind.
I've done my part. Anyone else?
Anti-Suicide General 2
Starting a new anti-suicide general as the original has been bump-locked.Helping wizards to understand that persuasive feelings of suicide can be bested.
Further the discursive spirit of this thread will remain the same as the first: to counter the general luring tenor of sadness that defines all the other threads through sharing positive practical advice purposed to reducing suicidal behavior even when we feel most suicidal. Naturally, being that I started the topic, I will be the first to contribute.
(1) Know that I care about you guys deeply and sincerely. Call me a faggot, I don't care (many have already done this, to no worthwhile avail)
(2) Examine what you are eating. For example, gluten especially produces depressive/psychotic episodes in sensitive autistic individuals. Sugar also is not healthy for your brain. Delimiting ingestion of both is wise.
(3) Make sure you are getting sufficient sleep. Chronic sleeplessness or even a few days' worth of irregular sleep can seriously interfere with the clarity of our thinking.
(4) Clean up. Taking a warm shower and putting on fresh clean clothes always is refreshing and helps to break up darkened mental habits.
(5) Breathe fresh air. Open whichever windows punctuate your room and allow some wind to come in.
(6) Watch your breathing. When we are panicked, our breathing can become very disordered and we do not recognize the effect this has on our thinking. Take deep, purposeful breaths, and collect your thoughts.
(7) Respect yourself. You have done your best to survive in an awful world, and you should grant yourself forgiveness for any mistakes and the allowance to rest with a composed and balanced mind.
I've done my part. Anyone else?
R: 14 / I: 1
Is there any way to do the whole noose thing but ensure I don't end up just brain damaged alive or suffering too much from it? Trying to write a first person fictional story
I'm too stupid to figure out how to get pills and combo them
Is there any way to do the whole noose thing but ensure I don't end up just brain damaged alive or suffering too much from it? Trying to write a first person fictional story
I'm too stupid to figure out how to get pills and combo them
R: 13 / I: 3
will it still come to me if i close myself off from the rest of the world wizards????
this diseased world
maybe all this is just a dream, a very long bad dream. this current era these people with no empathy for one another, this corrupt government and this polarization is just getting to me.will it still come to me if i close myself off from the rest of the world wizards????
R: 14 / I: 3
Can I die just by taking codein with promethazine and a bit of alcohol? How much of each would I need? I want a peaceful death, to cause as little commotion as possible.
Can I die just by taking codein with promethazine and a bit of alcohol? How much of each would I need? I want a peaceful death, to cause as little commotion as possible.
R: 12 / I: 2
Repressed
Does anyone ever want to just scream and shout at the world? Whether its frustration for myself or others I find myself having no where to put it. What would you tell people if they would listen to you?
R: 20 / I: 3
Living with my mom. My mom just zaps all the life-energy out of me.
Do ou know this feeling?
Living with my mom. My mom just zaps all the life-energy out of me.
Do ou know this feeling?
R: 2 / I: 0
people around me put their hands too often on their crotch. very.. so confidntally… they get all hysterical when u ask them to wash their hands and wont listen 95prcnt of time. what else is how peoole hurry clash in to each other with their genitals too. This shit depresses me. I need to wash my products cuz of filthy cashiers.
When people bump into ur ass it all happens so suddenly. nothing is done to stop this - not even having kids.
Even in hospitals you cant run away from this, the stuff is equaly gross.
I.. i canot stop this horror.
dude.. what else I need to do!?
epidemy srs very srs
Is it just me…. it began from 2020 fo some weird reason :/people around me put their hands too often on their crotch. very.. so confidntally… they get all hysterical when u ask them to wash their hands and wont listen 95prcnt of time. what else is how peoole hurry clash in to each other with their genitals too. This shit depresses me. I need to wash my products cuz of filthy cashiers.
When people bump into ur ass it all happens so suddenly. nothing is done to stop this - not even having kids.
Even in hospitals you cant run away from this, the stuff is equaly gross.
I.. i canot stop this horror.
dude.. what else I need to do!?
R: 11 / I: 0
I'm totally normal except that I never felt like going on a trip overseas. Never felt like going to a concert. Never felt like making friends. Never enjoyed talking to others. Never enjoyed cooking meals. I pretty much never enjoyed anything.
My dick barely feels any pleasure too.
You can be born smart and everything but if the pleasure center is all fucked up, you are doomed to spend a life of stagnation. There is no motivation to achieve anything. Time passes away. Years pass by and nothing goes on. No matter how many gifts nature endows you with, if you have a deficiency in the drive/pleasure center, you are doomed to a life of mediocrity.
A life of mediocrity.
Something I know much about at 43 years of age.
Anhedonia. The inability to feel pleasure.
The inability to anticipate pleasure but the ability to anticipate effort, hardship leave me in a state of stagnation.I'm totally normal except that I never felt like going on a trip overseas. Never felt like going to a concert. Never felt like making friends. Never enjoyed talking to others. Never enjoyed cooking meals. I pretty much never enjoyed anything.
My dick barely feels any pleasure too.
You can be born smart and everything but if the pleasure center is all fucked up, you are doomed to spend a life of stagnation. There is no motivation to achieve anything. Time passes away. Years pass by and nothing goes on. No matter how many gifts nature endows you with, if you have a deficiency in the drive/pleasure center, you are doomed to a life of mediocrity.
A life of mediocrity.
Something I know much about at 43 years of age.
R: 66 / I: 8
i'm 27, i live with my parents, i don't have a job and to be honest i don't give a fuck anymore. i would have wanted to move out 5 years ago, when i had a ton of ambitions, but my fuckin overprotective mother didn't give me a hint of freedom. now they hate me just for being. like everyone else. i used to be good at history and wanted to move in that direction, and now i'm NEET who spends all my free time on the internet and goes to the store once a week. i hate them for not letting me realize myself in a life that i don't see any point in right now.
thank u mom
i'm 27, i live with my parents, i don't have a job and to be honest i don't give a fuck anymore. i would have wanted to move out 5 years ago, when i had a ton of ambitions, but my fuckin overprotective mother didn't give me a hint of freedom. now they hate me just for being. like everyone else. i used to be good at history and wanted to move in that direction, and now i'm NEET who spends all my free time on the internet and goes to the store once a week. i hate them for not letting me realize myself in a life that i don't see any point in right now.
thank u mom
R: 9 / I: 1
I just wanna share my story.
Whatdver I did to exit the /dep/ zone (for now, at least) and the endless sadness, it all was… random
Getting a job that has no colleagues, and only one boss? Random "warehouse worker needed" entry in a random find-a-job type app
Fixing my sleep? Accidentally discovered here and there what clothing helps me to sleep/what temp is comfortable/how to treat my AC/there is "background noise for sleep" technique/accidentally discovered this "despression may be caused by ruined sleep, studies suggest" theory…
…and so on.
(example: pajamas with a blanked in the summer = bad, empty bedsheet, a t-shirt and undies - okay)
I just wanna share my story.
Whatdver I did to exit the /dep/ zone (for now, at least) and the endless sadness, it all was… random
Getting a job that has no colleagues, and only one boss? Random "warehouse worker needed" entry in a random find-a-job type app
Fixing my sleep? Accidentally discovered here and there what clothing helps me to sleep/what temp is comfortable/how to treat my AC/there is "background noise for sleep" technique/accidentally discovered this "despression may be caused by ruined sleep, studies suggest" theory…
…and so on.
(example: pajamas with a blanked in the summer = bad, empty bedsheet, a t-shirt and undies - okay)
R: 6 / I: 1
Why Does Happiness Matter?
Given the existence of the hedonic treadmill, why does happiness matter? Why is the pursuit of happiness at all important? If you're just going to level out to baseline anyways, you might as well just sit and rot, since that requires far fewer resources.
R: 303 / I: 34
previous >>289727
Wageslave General
2025 will be the layoff year edition. How we holding up?previous >>289727
R: 21 / I: 0
I want to shoot myself in the head with a gun on a crowded street
I want to shoot myself in the head with a gun on a crowded street
R: 6 / I: 0
This image. This aberration to the eye. This is how 50-80% of the population lives in the most powerful and richest nation on the planet (or at least close to/similar to this).
This is the "pinnacle" of 6,000 years of recorded civilizational history. If this is how the majority of the US population lives, imagine how poor and miserable the majority of humanity really is.
If it weren't for East Asia, the world would be even worse.
One thing that depresses me a lot
I don't understand people who say we live in incredible times or that the world is getting better (pedophile morons like Steven Pinker, to put it mildly).This image. This aberration to the eye. This is how 50-80% of the population lives in the most powerful and richest nation on the planet (or at least close to/similar to this).
This is the "pinnacle" of 6,000 years of recorded civilizational history. If this is how the majority of the US population lives, imagine how poor and miserable the majority of humanity really is.
If it weren't for East Asia, the world would be even worse.
R: 16 / I: 3
Existing is meant for two
The costs of lives burdens is meant for the backs of two so how does one prosper alone?
R: 86 / I: 8
Sometimes I blame my family for raising me in such a violent environment, but then I think it's better to bury the past and look forward. But sometimes it is difficult, since it is not about the violence of 10 or 15 years ago, it is about things sometimes from less than a week ago.
I feel like an alcoholic, where instead of keeping a place free of that poison, it is offered to me in all shapes, sizes, colors and flavors.
I'm going bald
I'm going broke, and I really don't know how to deal with this fact. I went to 4 doctors to treat it, but none of them worked, and no matter how many medications I took, I was never able to overcome this problem. But these only caused me terrible side effects, such as fatigue, weight gain, apathy, a lot of disinterest in everything, and alopecia, but they were never able to attack the impulses. Violence never stops.Sometimes I blame my family for raising me in such a violent environment, but then I think it's better to bury the past and look forward. But sometimes it is difficult, since it is not about the violence of 10 or 15 years ago, it is about things sometimes from less than a week ago.
I feel like an alcoholic, where instead of keeping a place free of that poison, it is offered to me in all shapes, sizes, colors and flavors.
R: 6 / I: 1
had a schizophrenic crisis 6 years ago. because of that I lost 6 years of my life and also the second part of my youth. this will never come back and it just ruined my life. there's nothing I can do but be sad about that and cope.
I lost my ability to enjoy things and starting new things. I also lost good years of maybe school or training I could have done and get a job, but now all I can wish now is to have a bad job because it is all what I deserve.
in two years I'll be a wizard and all my dreams have been crushed by the schizophrenic happening.
all these years, wasted and will never comeback. of course some of you may have it worse but to me this happening crushed my soul and made me more depressed than before.
had a schizophrenic crisis 6 years ago. because of that I lost 6 years of my life and also the second part of my youth. this will never come back and it just ruined my life. there's nothing I can do but be sad about that and cope.
I lost my ability to enjoy things and starting new things. I also lost good years of maybe school or training I could have done and get a job, but now all I can wish now is to have a bad job because it is all what I deserve.
in two years I'll be a wizard and all my dreams have been crushed by the schizophrenic happening.
all these years, wasted and will never comeback. of course some of you may have it worse but to me this happening crushed my soul and made me more depressed than before.
R: 2 / I: 0
Self-hypnosis is the same by a therapist or you, hypnosis is self-hypnosis everytime even with the therapist.
The trance model, subconsious and NLP and control command are just pop old thing popularized by media that are not real. Science hypnosis is more based on imagination, will, belief and some training.
Anyone tried Hypnosis?
I reading some books on the topic and with some people do miracles inmediatly and with other do not so much but help in some way slowly to do miracles.Self-hypnosis is the same by a therapist or you, hypnosis is self-hypnosis everytime even with the therapist.
The trance model, subconsious and NLP and control command are just pop old thing popularized by media that are not real. Science hypnosis is more based on imagination, will, belief and some training.
R: 21 / I: 1
My mother had a hemorrhagic stroke yesterday afternoon. She was lying on her bed when I found her, completely out of it, making pained noises and wasn't able to even speak properly. When she could, she made mention of a really bad headache. Had to call the ambulance and everything, they didn't seem to know what it was at first. So she was taken to the hospital, had a scan done since I'd mentioned she had a history of strokes. They only knew for certain what it was when they scanned her head, and immediately started prepping her for a brain operation that had a 20-50% success rate.
I got the call that the surgery was a success last night, but its a question as to how she'll even recover, whether she'll regain full autonomy and brain function or not. I'm unbelievably scared that it ends up being the worst case scenario and I'm praying to God its not the case, I'm hoping she makes a complete recovery despite everything. I wish none of this had ever happened.
My mother had a hemorrhagic stroke yesterday afternoon. She was lying on her bed when I found her, completely out of it, making pained noises and wasn't able to even speak properly. When she could, she made mention of a really bad headache. Had to call the ambulance and everything, they didn't seem to know what it was at first. So she was taken to the hospital, had a scan done since I'd mentioned she had a history of strokes. They only knew for certain what it was when they scanned her head, and immediately started prepping her for a brain operation that had a 20-50% success rate.
I got the call that the surgery was a success last night, but its a question as to how she'll even recover, whether she'll regain full autonomy and brain function or not. I'm unbelievably scared that it ends up being the worst case scenario and I'm praying to God its not the case, I'm hoping she makes a complete recovery despite everything. I wish none of this had ever happened.
R: 27 / I: 3
I hate sex
It's completely fucking evil. I hate living in a world where it even exists, much less one where it's celebrated. It's something 99% of men do, they don't even think twice about it. I feel completely alienated from humanity because of this. Every time I read or hear something about it I get this pit in my stomach and a sense of impending doom. It used to give me panic attacks, but now it only fills me with unbridled rage.
R: 6 / I: 2
I'm in my 30s. People I went to school with and family friends are married, have high paying careers and are healthy. I got the advantages of parents, an education and the first world and high performing peers and I still fumbled it all.
I'm in my 30s. People I went to school with and family friends are married, have high paying careers and are healthy. I got the advantages of parents, an education and the first world and high performing peers and I still fumbled it all.
R: 25 / I: 1
Is there any compassion for failed people like us in the world?
Do you think normies could ever accept us or even tolerate us for real? It's obvious that absolute majority people is repulsed by a NEET lifestyle, failed dating/life/work experience, motivational or existential problems. Do you think there's a space for us to exist at all? Is it acceptable, is it planned for? Or we are truly just the trash of the world that should be cut out from society the sooner the better? R: 20 / I: 3
>Dated anyone
>Had an actual friend
>Had a real conversation that went past surface level shit. Not with anybody, not even with my parents, they just say "Oh yeah anon me too…now I need to rant about my day,"
>Had a in-depth conversation about my hobbies and interests past "Yeah I like X"
>Been anywhere or done anything really, I mostly just sit in front of my PC.
I'm 25 now. I realize I have no framework for connecting with people – I don't have a lack of empathy or anything, in fact I'd say I feel for people too strongly sometimes. I just can't connect with them. I'm polite and quiet and that's it.
>What about online relationships
Outside of imageboards, I basically don't exist.
I feel like 25 is too late too. I know it's not "old" but most people my age have been to concerts, have had foundational experiences like heartbreak or just smoking weed after class with friends, etc. and then I'm a blob who's never even been to anyone's house or been invited anywhere. I feel like my soul hasn't been developed. I know I have a mind and moral systems and thoughts but I have no way of communicating them without a lot of deliberation. There's nothing there. I don't know. But can anyone else relate?
Being "human"
Is anyone else lacking formative, human experiences? I've never:>Dated anyone
>Had an actual friend
>Had a real conversation that went past surface level shit. Not with anybody, not even with my parents, they just say "Oh yeah anon me too…now I need to rant about my day,"
>Had a in-depth conversation about my hobbies and interests past "Yeah I like X"
>Been anywhere or done anything really, I mostly just sit in front of my PC.
I'm 25 now. I realize I have no framework for connecting with people – I don't have a lack of empathy or anything, in fact I'd say I feel for people too strongly sometimes. I just can't connect with them. I'm polite and quiet and that's it.
>What about online relationships
Outside of imageboards, I basically don't exist.
I feel like 25 is too late too. I know it's not "old" but most people my age have been to concerts, have had foundational experiences like heartbreak or just smoking weed after class with friends, etc. and then I'm a blob who's never even been to anyone's house or been invited anywhere. I feel like my soul hasn't been developed. I know I have a mind and moral systems and thoughts but I have no way of communicating them without a lot of deliberation. There's nothing there. I don't know. But can anyone else relate?
R: 3 / I: 0
I can't live anymore
I don't feel like I belong to this body. Something says I belong to a blond and blue-eyed person. I'm depressed 'cause I have to be stuck into a Latino's body while I'm German.
R: 72 / I: 13
Is it even possible to break this cycle?
>me 10 years ago
>I'm so behind everyone I'm such a loser
>it will take years for me to see any progress
>I will be old by the time my efforts may pay off
>depressed end up doing nothing
>me 5 years ago
>fuck I'm 30 soon and haven't achieved anything this is so embarassing
>start drinking to cope
>me now
>god I was such an idiot back then why didn't I start doing something years ago I was still young
>now I am pushing 40 and it's over for real
>bedrotting every day 0 motivation to do anything cant even distract myself with anything anymore
Is it even possible to break this cycle?
>me 10 years ago
>I'm so behind everyone I'm such a loser
>it will take years for me to see any progress
>I will be old by the time my efforts may pay off
>depressed end up doing nothing
>me 5 years ago
>fuck I'm 30 soon and haven't achieved anything this is so embarassing
>start drinking to cope
>me now
>god I was such an idiot back then why didn't I start doing something years ago I was still young
>now I am pushing 40 and it's over for real
>bedrotting every day 0 motivation to do anything cant even distract myself with anything anymore
R: 9 / I: 0
Why am I not happy?
Why am I not happy? I have nothing, my physical and mental health is ruined, I'm broke in debt dying from addiction, stuck in a SHITHOLE house with family that I hate. There's nothing left and I've been dead for years. Why am I not happy about ending it? I don't even do anything cause I'm too tired sleep all day can't eat cause my teeth are falling out and once xans end I will be a vegetable. Just end me.
R: 5 / I: 0
life is tough
Same day Different shit I am 28M got a useless degree live in a shithole 3rd world country didn't work in my life all i do is consuming media watching twitch and movies i had a fight with my mom once and i lost my temper and beat her before so she forced me to go to mental insuition like rehab and forced to take meds i stayed like 6 monthes i sometimes i want to finish it all wondering how i have to hold so much longer than this and do i have to keep waiting till i reach 50 or 60.
R: 45 / I: 8
I thought I was a hobby guy who like to spend time on his hobby alone but thats not true, all I care is to talk to people, thats why I come here everyday because I want to talk to someone. I am not an autist asperger with countless of niche hobby and a high IQ, I'm just a low temperture IQ monkey who thought he could fool himself and tricks his brain to think he is a genius but Im not. I wish I was made to do something but Im just a lazy parasyte, it sucks
I thought I was a hobby guy who like to spend time on his hobby alone but thats not true, all I care is to talk to people, thats why I come here everyday because I want to talk to someone. I am not an autist asperger with countless of niche hobby and a high IQ, I'm just a low temperture IQ monkey who thought he could fool himself and tricks his brain to think he is a genius but Im not. I wish I was made to do something but Im just a lazy parasyte, it sucks
R: 15 / I: 0
Inability to speak properly
Any other wizards here that have trouble with speaking "normally" or pronouncing certain letters? This kind of thing occurs naturally to normalfags and it really is just something that should come inherent to everyone. I've had times when I think I'm talking normally but people tell me to stop yelling, or other times when I think I'm talking in above average volume and people tell me I'm being silent. I also struggle to pronounce the letter "s" properly and sound like a spazz which has made me actively avoid certain words. It's just another one of those things that has made me realize how we and normalfags live in an entirely different state of existence. I remember how Chris Chan used to get bullied for his voice among other things, I'm not sure if it is an autistic trait or a consequence of my reclusive life but it has made my anxiety in public worse, and has also totally ruined my dreams of starting a music project one day
R: 9 / I: 0
9 months until death, what are some good things to do until then
i have got 9 months until i am free from this world, so while im still here i was wondering what would be the best way to spend my time, just playing vidya? i have no friends both irl and online, watching shows/animes that i see happy people / people with relationships and stuff makes me have anxiety and i really despise people,i just want to spend my time cozy, hyper obsessed with something that doesnt have any connection whatsoever with the real world, i was thinking about getting into an extreme grindy (no p2w) mmorpg if there is one, any recommendations are appreciated thanks fellow wizs
R: 32 / I: 6
I have had depression for my whole life adolescence onward, and I was afraid even 5-6 years ago of this day and thought it would be unsurvivable, and now it's here, and I do want to die. I dont want to live in a world where he isn't here with me. The initial shock has worn off and it's sinking in that my best friend is gone, and I'm not going to see him again. My mother is the only other positive presence in my life, because she knew how much I love him. She has stage 4 cancer and it's still unclear if she's going to survive it or not. She's essentially the only reason why I have not shot myself already. She was never abusive or cruel to me, so I couldn't do that to her even though I don't want to live anymore.
Did you ever have an animal that meant this much to you? People are cruel and petty and small. If an animal loves you it's genuine, they dont have ulterior motives or social performance.
Companion animals
My rooster that I've had for ten years, who I consider my best friend and love more than anyone else, died Wednesday night. He was my only friend. He lived in the house with me and was the only thing that would make me feel better when the rest of my life would weigh down on me. I would go hold him and the rest of life would disappear and that would be all that would matter. I keep forgetting now for a few moments, that I can't go see him and hold him anymore.I have had depression for my whole life adolescence onward, and I was afraid even 5-6 years ago of this day and thought it would be unsurvivable, and now it's here, and I do want to die. I dont want to live in a world where he isn't here with me. The initial shock has worn off and it's sinking in that my best friend is gone, and I'm not going to see him again. My mother is the only other positive presence in my life, because she knew how much I love him. She has stage 4 cancer and it's still unclear if she's going to survive it or not. She's essentially the only reason why I have not shot myself already. She was never abusive or cruel to me, so I couldn't do that to her even though I don't want to live anymore.
Did you ever have an animal that meant this much to you? People are cruel and petty and small. If an animal loves you it's genuine, they dont have ulterior motives or social performance.
R: 90 / I: 14
I am 24 years old, little to not school education, no job, whenever I am with some relatives or in some family gathering I can sense how much they look down at me for being a massive loser, even if they almost never express it directly at all, since I was a child I would always be asked by them questions like "how are you doing in school?" or "are you getting any good grades" Of course they no longer ask me such question, But I still feel a lot of shame when I am around them, I try to avoid sitting with them like the plague
Being a massive loser amongst family members
Does any of you get irritated with family gatherings or when guests come to visit you in your family's house?I am 24 years old, little to not school education, no job, whenever I am with some relatives or in some family gathering I can sense how much they look down at me for being a massive loser, even if they almost never express it directly at all, since I was a child I would always be asked by them questions like "how are you doing in school?" or "are you getting any good grades" Of course they no longer ask me such question, But I still feel a lot of shame when I am around them, I try to avoid sitting with them like the plague
R: 18 / I: 2
And yet because I don't participate in their coffee room gossip and office bullshit (mind you these people are about 20% as productive as me) they want me to lose my job because I don't "match the energy of the community".
Do I just have to suck it up and kms, before I become homeless? Since without a salary that's going to be within 12 months.
Neurotypicals said I'm too quiet and want to fire me
I literally got top employee performance of the year two times in a row for exemplary performanceby corporate (not to mention I do unpaid overtime)And yet because I don't participate in their coffee room gossip and office bullshit (mind you these people are about 20% as productive as me) they want me to lose my job because I don't "match the energy of the community".
Do I just have to suck it up and kms, before I become homeless? Since without a salary that's going to be within 12 months.
R: 4 / I: 0
The mere thought of having to enter into contact with someone else makes me nervous. A simple invitation to have dinner with a friend produces an anguish in me that's hard to define. The idea of any social obligation whatsoever attending a funeral, dealing with someone about an office matter, going to the station to wait for someone I know or don't know - the very idea disturbs my thoughts for an entire day, and sometimes I even start worrying the night before, so that I sleep badly. When it takes place, the dreaded encounter is utterly insignific ant, justifying none of my anxiety, but the next time is no different: I never learn to learn.
'My habits are of solitude, not of men.' I don't know if it was Rousseau or Senancour who said this. But it was some mind of my species, it being perhaps too much to say of my race.”
Text 49, The Book of Disquiet by Fernando Pessoa
dehumanization due to lack of truly human connection
Isolation has carved me in its image and likeness. The presence of another person- of any person whatsoever - instantly slows down my thinking, and while for a normal man contact with others is a stimulus to spoken expression and wit, for me it is a counterstimulus, if this compound word be linguistically permissible. When all by myself, I can think of all kinds of clever remarks, quick comebacks to what no one said, and flashes of witty sociability with nobody. But all of this vanishes when I face someone in the flesh: I lose my intelligence, I can no longer speak, and after half an hour I just feel tired. Yes, talking to people makes me feel like sleeping. Only my ghostly and imaginary friends, only the conversations I have in my dreams, are genuinely real and substantial, and in them intelligence gleams like an image in a mirror.The mere thought of having to enter into contact with someone else makes me nervous. A simple invitation to have dinner with a friend produces an anguish in me that's hard to define. The idea of any social obligation whatsoever attending a funeral, dealing with someone about an office matter, going to the station to wait for someone I know or don't know - the very idea disturbs my thoughts for an entire day, and sometimes I even start worrying the night before, so that I sleep badly. When it takes place, the dreaded encounter is utterly insignific ant, justifying none of my anxiety, but the next time is no different: I never learn to learn.
'My habits are of solitude, not of men.' I don't know if it was Rousseau or Senancour who said this. But it was some mind of my species, it being perhaps too much to say of my race.”
Text 49, The Book of Disquiet by Fernando Pessoa
R: 3 / I: 1
It’s landscaping, which seems pretty nice, only issue is that it’s in a very large building, it’s the college’s main building, it’s fucking huge and there’s over 1000 attendees
I am absolutely fucking dreading it
Pray for me bros
Heading for hell in a few weeks
Last year I did a community college course in construction, it was a nice little multi skills course in a small building in the middle of nowhere where, there were only 100 or so people there, it was great, unfortunately I failed to get an apprenticeship and have to do another community college courseIt’s landscaping, which seems pretty nice, only issue is that it’s in a very large building, it’s the college’s main building, it’s fucking huge and there’s over 1000 attendees
I am absolutely fucking dreading it
Pray for me bros
R: 57 / I: 2
why is he torturing us?
why does he give great amount of suffering and horror to poor believers while giving happiness and wealth to evil disbelieving people?
why is he so careless?
sage
what does he want from us?why is he torturing us?
why does he give great amount of suffering and horror to poor believers while giving happiness and wealth to evil disbelieving people?
why is he so careless?
R: 27 / I: 2
People willl always hate you if you're asocial and never talk.
There is no way around it.
People willl always hate you if you're asocial and never talk.
There is no way around it.
R: 308 / I: 53
Previous thread >>299661
Depression Crawl Thread LXIX
Chronic physical pain, insomnia and povery, editionPrevious thread >>299661
R: 51 / I: 7
even when some try to gaslight themselves that their loser-lifestyle can be comfy, we all deep down know that this isnt supposed to be *life*.
objectively, we're the bottom of the barrel, rock bottom essentially; we can only cope by escaping reality and isolating ourselves and anytime we encounter the real fucking world, we're deemed as fucking subhumans by others AND ourselves.
we're rotting, just wasting space, energy and oxygen while the only thing left for us is waiting to die, respectively.
i dont get how we all havent already committed suicide by now cuz our fucking trash genetics have been haunting us for our entire existence, yet we collectively and voluntarily decided to continue living. why the fuck are we so stupid???
why shouldnt we all just kill ourselves?
most of us are so fucking unattractive, retarded, uneducated, unlovable, lazy/unambitious etc… that there is no point in continuing this misery.even when some try to gaslight themselves that their loser-lifestyle can be comfy, we all deep down know that this isnt supposed to be *life*.
objectively, we're the bottom of the barrel, rock bottom essentially; we can only cope by escaping reality and isolating ourselves and anytime we encounter the real fucking world, we're deemed as fucking subhumans by others AND ourselves.
we're rotting, just wasting space, energy and oxygen while the only thing left for us is waiting to die, respectively.
i dont get how we all havent already committed suicide by now cuz our fucking trash genetics have been haunting us for our entire existence, yet we collectively and voluntarily decided to continue living. why the fuck are we so stupid???
R: 28 / I: 2
have you ever been told you had no personality? I was told that when I was a kid. it hurts. one day, I asked the psychologist I was told that and if it was true, she said that's not true because some people do that just to put you down, she said. I believed her but now I'm thinking I don't have a personality and people without personality exist and she was wrong (she maybe just said that to make me happier about myself).
I noticed I was a contrarian and thats my whole personality:being contrarian. but everybody can be contrarian therefore it's not a real personality, and so I have no personality. damn it suck being a NPC (I hate that buzzword).
I'm not telling you how to get a personality because it would be fake and it will show, I don't know maybe I just want to know your reactions over this. maybe you too was told you had no personality and can relate to this post and feel like a NPC too.
have you ever been told you had no personality? I was told that when I was a kid. it hurts. one day, I asked the psychologist I was told that and if it was true, she said that's not true because some people do that just to put you down, she said. I believed her but now I'm thinking I don't have a personality and people without personality exist and she was wrong (she maybe just said that to make me happier about myself).
I noticed I was a contrarian and thats my whole personality:being contrarian. but everybody can be contrarian therefore it's not a real personality, and so I have no personality. damn it suck being a NPC (I hate that buzzword).
I'm not telling you how to get a personality because it would be fake and it will show, I don't know maybe I just want to know your reactions over this. maybe you too was told you had no personality and can relate to this post and feel like a NPC too.
R: 16 / I: 1
I'm a psychiatric patient, an addict, parents abused and neglected me, you know the details already. My plan was to live with parents until I finish paying an education debt, which is in December. I've lived mostly by myself through my 20s.
What would you do in my scenario? I don't want to be near parents. How have you dealt with this? Just being 20 seconds around my father, I want to blow my head off with a sawed-off shotgun. The screams, the tantrums, the stupid noises, the smell, the words. My mother is barely more tolerable.
NOTE: this is third-world, forget about government or family helping me.
One of parents is sick with cancer, need advice
I've left this place for the last couple of years. But I'm returning back. I need advice and you're the people with more knowledge about this. One of my parents suddenly became sick with cancer, likely will turn terminal soon. I'm finally past 30. I left this place because I felt that I matured, being here reminded me too much of my younger self.I'm a psychiatric patient, an addict, parents abused and neglected me, you know the details already. My plan was to live with parents until I finish paying an education debt, which is in December. I've lived mostly by myself through my 20s.
What would you do in my scenario? I don't want to be near parents. How have you dealt with this? Just being 20 seconds around my father, I want to blow my head off with a sawed-off shotgun. The screams, the tantrums, the stupid noises, the smell, the words. My mother is barely more tolerable.
NOTE: this is third-world, forget about government or family helping me.
R: 29 / I: 2
Yet I have to work to live and try my best to finally finish my degree, hopefully before I'm 30 or my university kicks me out. On days like this it's like I've lost 50IQ points and I'm barely functional. I have to keep my living space in a state of acceptable cleanliness. Do any of you guys have any tips on how to make it more bearable?
The Fatigue
How do you guys deal with fatigue, if at all. Some days are better but just when you think you're beginning to get a grip again you just wake up and know exactly that you landed back at the bottom of the hole again. Everything is a herculean effort, even typing this out my eye lids are heavy despite being only late afternoon and me having slept for at least 8h last night. No matter what steps I take, sleeping properly, eating better, hell I even started doing some basic exercise every day to get the blood flowing a bit. None of it matters. All of this hard work and it's completely meaningless because I can't seem to get better in a consistent way that matters.Yet I have to work to live and try my best to finally finish my degree, hopefully before I'm 30 or my university kicks me out. On days like this it's like I've lost 50IQ points and I'm barely functional. I have to keep my living space in a state of acceptable cleanliness. Do any of you guys have any tips on how to make it more bearable?
R: 10 / I: 2
For example: Many years ago I played internet mahjong a lot. But eventually I stopped playing for a few months. Now, any time I consider playing again, I get paralyzed by this irrational fear. I think things like "it's too late for me to get back into this". And, of course, the fact that this fear stops me from catching back up only makes this fear grow larger and larger.
I once had a small youtube channel but it has been so many years since I uploaded anything, I feel like "it's too late for this, I missed the boat, what's done is done".
I know this fear is irrational but I still am held back it.
Does anyone relate to this fear AT ALL?
I am bad at describing this so this might not make any sense at all.
fear of keeping up?
I've heard a lot about "fear of missing out"/"fomo". But I have a different kind of fear that doesn't really make sense in my mind: a fear of keeping up with things, or, a fear of catching up.For example: Many years ago I played internet mahjong a lot. But eventually I stopped playing for a few months. Now, any time I consider playing again, I get paralyzed by this irrational fear. I think things like "it's too late for me to get back into this". And, of course, the fact that this fear stops me from catching back up only makes this fear grow larger and larger.
I once had a small youtube channel but it has been so many years since I uploaded anything, I feel like "it's too late for this, I missed the boat, what's done is done".
I know this fear is irrational but I still am held back it.
Does anyone relate to this fear AT ALL?
I am bad at describing this so this might not make any sense at all.
R: 11 / I: 0
The process of birth is an humilliation ritual.
The process of growing up is an humilliation ritual.
The process of death is an humilliation ritual.
Through all these process the individual is humilliated, his spirit shattered into pieces. At the end there's nothing but an empty shell. We're born alone and we die alone and the universe is constantly teasing and humilliating us. The human experience is that of pain and suffering. Births are painful, deaths are painful. Demoralized, disenfranchised, humilliated, broken. Our lives are misserable and only the sweet release of the endless void could save our soul from the torment of existence. I loath humanity just as much as I loath myself and my own existence. Afraid to live and afraid to die. Pathetic husk rotten inside.
The process of birth is an humilliation ritual.
The process of growing up is an humilliation ritual.
The process of death is an humilliation ritual.
Through all these process the individual is humilliated, his spirit shattered into pieces. At the end there's nothing but an empty shell. We're born alone and we die alone and the universe is constantly teasing and humilliating us. The human experience is that of pain and suffering. Births are painful, deaths are painful. Demoralized, disenfranchised, humilliated, broken. Our lives are misserable and only the sweet release of the endless void could save our soul from the torment of existence. I loath humanity just as much as I loath myself and my own existence. Afraid to live and afraid to die. Pathetic husk rotten inside.
R: 34 / I: 2
suicide is the best thing you can do in your life. you can never go wrong by doing it. the only reason people won't do it (besides obvious reasons like instinct of self-preservation and fear of unknown) is because they think there is something good ahead in their life and you just have to wait a little. and so our life is wasting like this, eternally awaiting while going through phases of misery and humiliation over and over again until you're dead from "natural" cause.
suicide is the best thing you can do in your life. you can never go wrong by doing it. the only reason people won't do it (besides obvious reasons like instinct of self-preservation and fear of unknown) is because they think there is something good ahead in their life and you just have to wait a little. and so our life is wasting like this, eternally awaiting while going through phases of misery and humiliation over and over again until you're dead from "natural" cause.
R: 37 / I: 4
I basically don't feel pleasure from anything except food, maybe. Stories, games, art don't really touch me at all and it sucks because I remember how much I loved escapism before and how it brought excitement, joy, sadness etc. Now it's all blank. I want to bring emotions back, want to bring excitement, joy, even sweet sadness would do honestly, I miss being profoundly sad.
Have any of you managed to revert to your older non-anhedonic self?
Anhedonia
How do you guys fight anhedonia? Do you have any experience with it?I basically don't feel pleasure from anything except food, maybe. Stories, games, art don't really touch me at all and it sucks because I remember how much I loved escapism before and how it brought excitement, joy, sadness etc. Now it's all blank. I want to bring emotions back, want to bring excitement, joy, even sweet sadness would do honestly, I miss being profoundly sad.
Have any of you managed to revert to your older non-anhedonic self?
R: 39 / I: 3
I'm not even "patriotic" nor anything, I just want to leave my parents house and survive, also no, my country is thankfully not at war. Do we have any other wizards who are also considering joining the army?
Joining the Army
It seems I have no other choice, unfortunately. Because of the lack of jobs where I live and my family now turning my life into hell because they openly despise me, I can't see any other way but to join the army and do at least one year of military service, given that it's the only job that practically always is open for literally anyone, and to get in you just have to want it.I'm not even "patriotic" nor anything, I just want to leave my parents house and survive, also no, my country is thankfully not at war. Do we have any other wizards who are also considering joining the army?
R: 15 / I: 1
I wonder, if I kill myself, will they attend my funeral?
Nobody's there anymore
I can't move on. Everyone already did but I can't. Nobody remembers me. Trying to reach them is pointless, they avoid me like the plague. My parents told me lots of anecdotes from when they were young. They had friends and an extended family, they went on adventures, they cried and laughted, they grew up with lots of friends. They don't see them much nowdays but if they see each other on the street they cheerfully greet them. Their friends are happy to see them. Mines aren't. I dream about them everyday. Some of them, the original duo from my late childhood, I haven't talked to them in almost 15 years. The others, more "recent", haven't seen them in 10. Time keeps marching on. I stay the same.I wonder, if I kill myself, will they attend my funeral?
R: 6 / I: 0
I 'm n't suicidal but i realized even if i kill myself my family would not be effected that much, i never had a good relationship with any of them at all, not saying that they don't love and care for me at all, but they would recover after a short while, there's n't much to miss about me or that much to grieve upon over my loss.
I 'm n't suicidal but i realized even if i kill myself my family would not be effected that much, i never had a good relationship with any of them at all, not saying that they don't love and care for me at all, but they would recover after a short while, there's n't much to miss about me or that much to grieve upon over my loss.
R: 13 / I: 0
>get into f2p game
>force myself to grind every day for "free" rewards which money wise translates to like a 0.01$ hourly wage
>get emotionally invested into ranking up when it means nothing since I am not trying to become a pro or a streamer
>don't quit even though I am clearly not enjoying it
>all this time and nerves wasted doing something I don't enjoy that doesn't even pay money when I could be doing countless of other fun stress-free things (not even talking about productive)
what the flying fuck is wrong with me?
>get into f2p game
>force myself to grind every day for "free" rewards which money wise translates to like a 0.01$ hourly wage
>get emotionally invested into ranking up when it means nothing since I am not trying to become a pro or a streamer
>don't quit even though I am clearly not enjoying it
>all this time and nerves wasted doing something I don't enjoy that doesn't even pay money when I could be doing countless of other fun stress-free things (not even talking about productive)
what the flying fuck is wrong with me?
R: 16 / I: 2
Does anyone else here have experience with it?
I take it for two weeks and have absolutely no negative side effects and it clearly does not make me zombie like. It also doesn't change my personality and it doesn't make me sleepy, if anything I feel notably less fatigued. Now after two weeks I do sense some relief, purely existing and waking up is feeling less harmful and overwhelming. That's all I'm really asking for. Worth a shot if you like me struggle with suicidal thoughts for over a decade but fail to actually go through with it imho.
Wellbutrin
First things first: I don't ask for comments how bad antidepressants generally fuck you up long time and make how all of them you a zombie. You can save this critique for other threads.Does anyone else here have experience with it?
I take it for two weeks and have absolutely no negative side effects and it clearly does not make me zombie like. It also doesn't change my personality and it doesn't make me sleepy, if anything I feel notably less fatigued. Now after two weeks I do sense some relief, purely existing and waking up is feeling less harmful and overwhelming. That's all I'm really asking for. Worth a shot if you like me struggle with suicidal thoughts for over a decade but fail to actually go through with it imho.
R: 1 / I: 0
Do I write it all on a pendrive, and tell a few people of high trust to just read that document if I die?
existential dread-dying backup
How do I make a "backup" of legal, medical, economic, etc- instructions in case I, indeed, suddenly die of any random cause on any given day? Things such as: DNR orders\status , stopping myself from having my organs harvested whilst Im alive (organ "donation"), stuff such as ,in my case, declaring I will NOT have a funeral or even burial, Im dead don't waste cash in me, let the State deal with my corpse, or what to do with my investments\ savings\ funds\ belongings.Do I write it all on a pendrive, and tell a few people of high trust to just read that document if I die?
R: 2 / I: 1
The truth about life is, it’s a dog-eat-dog world. The people who’ve lived the most exclusive, powerful lives in human history didn’t get there by playing fair. They raped, they stole, they killed. They didn’t just steal wallets; they stole land, resources, whole economies. They didn’t rob a bank, they became the bank. And the world rewarded them for it.
The truth about life is, it’s a dog-eat-dog world. The people who’ve lived the most exclusive, powerful lives in human history didn’t get there by playing fair. They raped, they stole, they killed. They didn’t just steal wallets; they stole land, resources, whole economies. They didn’t rob a bank, they became the bank. And the world rewarded them for it.
R: 31 / I: 5
This thread is for high IQ wizards (multiple standard deviations) who still managed to fuck up life. Having a high IQ without being nurtured properly as a child can cause you to miss out on all sorts of lessons like how to focus, how to apply effort and how to relate to others, deficiencies which echo through the rest of our lives. Like any neurodivergence it also makes living in a world ran by people not like us difficult. You don't have to have taken an IQ test to post here, but it's best if you've had some external validation beyond self-identity or being correct about stuff.
Some rules to keep it peaceful and ego-free:
>Don't state your IQ unless asked.
>Don't accuse others of not belonging here.
>No politics or demographics talk.
High IQ cry thread
or: Born to think, taught to stink.This thread is for high IQ wizards (multiple standard deviations) who still managed to fuck up life. Having a high IQ without being nurtured properly as a child can cause you to miss out on all sorts of lessons like how to focus, how to apply effort and how to relate to others, deficiencies which echo through the rest of our lives. Like any neurodivergence it also makes living in a world ran by people not like us difficult. You don't have to have taken an IQ test to post here, but it's best if you've had some external validation beyond self-identity or being correct about stuff.
Some rules to keep it peaceful and ego-free:
>Don't state your IQ unless asked.
>Don't accuse others of not belonging here.
>No politics or demographics talk.
R: 55 / I: 3
anyone here who's a victim and can't grow a pair to strike back. everytime Im in a argument I lose and got btfo and humiliated. the only thing I can do is seethe and cope. any other wizard like that too? it hurts being weak
anyone here who's a victim and can't grow a pair to strike back. everytime Im in a argument I lose and got btfo and humiliated. the only thing I can do is seethe and cope. any other wizard like that too? it hurts being weak
R: 19 / I: 1
Well my family is forcing me to take Duloxetine for my anxiety disorder, what am I in for?
Well my family is forcing me to take Duloxetine for my anxiety disorder, what am I in for?
R: 3 / I: 0
In Canada, adults suffering solely from a mental illness will be eligible for MAID (Medical Assistance in Dying) as of 2027. But you need to be a Canadian citizen or permanent resident. I'm thinking about moving to Canada so that by the time it's legalised I'll have the option.
In Canada, adults suffering solely from a mental illness will be eligible for MAID (Medical Assistance in Dying) as of 2027. But you need to be a Canadian citizen or permanent resident. I'm thinking about moving to Canada so that by the time it's legalised I'll have the option.
R: 17 / I: 0
It's Saturday night and I started taking a new antidepressant called Mirtazapine (15mg) on Thursday night.
This is my 10th or so attempt at a psychiatric medication. I've tried lots of therapy too.
Wish me luck anonymages. I was about to quit my job but watched some motivational videos on autoplay on Youtube for hours and as cheesy as it was, they convinced me to give this a go.
I didn't even get these prescribed recently. It was way back last year and then I just didn't take them because this particular medicine has a reputation for making people really fatigued.
It does put me to sleep. But, maybe that's ok. If it means I can find some happening apart from fapping and dreaming while I sleep.
Maybe it'll even help me turnaround my fortunes at work where it looks like I'm sliding towards a firing or just being unable to come in. Barely stopped myself raging at my boss the other day and took 2 weeks sick leave from stress afterwards. I need to swallow some humble pie come Monday and hopefully these pills help. Being off work for 2 weeks showed me I'm just as miserable and actually more so depressed, anxious and stressed not working despite all the antiwork slogans I collect.
It's Saturday night and I started taking a new antidepressant called Mirtazapine (15mg) on Thursday night.
This is my 10th or so attempt at a psychiatric medication. I've tried lots of therapy too.
Wish me luck anonymages. I was about to quit my job but watched some motivational videos on autoplay on Youtube for hours and as cheesy as it was, they convinced me to give this a go.
I didn't even get these prescribed recently. It was way back last year and then I just didn't take them because this particular medicine has a reputation for making people really fatigued.
It does put me to sleep. But, maybe that's ok. If it means I can find some happening apart from fapping and dreaming while I sleep.
Maybe it'll even help me turnaround my fortunes at work where it looks like I'm sliding towards a firing or just being unable to come in. Barely stopped myself raging at my boss the other day and took 2 weeks sick leave from stress afterwards. I need to swallow some humble pie come Monday and hopefully these pills help. Being off work for 2 weeks showed me I'm just as miserable and actually more so depressed, anxious and stressed not working despite all the antiwork slogans I collect.
R: 170 / I: 13
I'm currently 26, almost 27 (rings a bell?). And I can't take it anymore. I will soon depart from life through hanging. I haven't done it yet because I live in a shithole and there are always people around making noise and being nosy. I will just wait till it's very quiet so I can go to the woods and end this miserable existence.
I don't care if it might "get better". Existence itself is a curse and we're all gonna die anyway. I've read enough pessimist books and life affirming books and I side with the former. I don't need your compansion, because the thought that I will soon disappear is the only thing that makes me happy. I'm not even sad because of this.
Suicide general
This is the classic "suicide general", where we discuss methods and say farewell to our fellow wizards, quite different from that other thread in the catalog.I'm currently 26, almost 27 (rings a bell?). And I can't take it anymore. I will soon depart from life through hanging. I haven't done it yet because I live in a shithole and there are always people around making noise and being nosy. I will just wait till it's very quiet so I can go to the woods and end this miserable existence.
I don't care if it might "get better". Existence itself is a curse and we're all gonna die anyway. I've read enough pessimist books and life affirming books and I side with the former. I don't need your compansion, because the thought that I will soon disappear is the only thing that makes me happy. I'm not even sad because of this.
R: 5 / I: 0
I had problem since that day - I often feel headaches due to my tired eyes. Its iriting, but my eyesight is generally perfect. Eye doctor helped me a little bit, but didnt explain anything - so I was worried that I might lose my eightsight some day, perhaps in few years.
Lately, I talked with AI about my story, I wanted to know what can be wrong with my eyes. AI told me that probably I have small holes in my vision, but my head ignores that holes. Homever, if the damage was bigger - my head wouldnt do anything and I would probably had a big black spot in my vision (picture related).
So, perhaps its not that bad as I thought. AI told me that I will headaches till my life, but my eye injury shouldnt affect my eyesight, I can still be for example 60, 70 years old and have typical eyesight of person at that age.
But it made my realise, in life nothing is sure, and bad things happens everywhere, you ll be in bad place at bad time and you can lost your health, etc.
Perhaps I was lucky, in my misfortune
I wrote that story here about 3 years ago. In short - when I was young a bully in school was aiming laser pointer at me. It can be dangerous. It can make a huge black hole in your vision, if you re unlucky.I had problem since that day - I often feel headaches due to my tired eyes. Its iriting, but my eyesight is generally perfect. Eye doctor helped me a little bit, but didnt explain anything - so I was worried that I might lose my eightsight some day, perhaps in few years.
Lately, I talked with AI about my story, I wanted to know what can be wrong with my eyes. AI told me that probably I have small holes in my vision, but my head ignores that holes. Homever, if the damage was bigger - my head wouldnt do anything and I would probably had a big black spot in my vision (picture related).
So, perhaps its not that bad as I thought. AI told me that I will headaches till my life, but my eye injury shouldnt affect my eyesight, I can still be for example 60, 70 years old and have typical eyesight of person at that age.
But it made my realise, in life nothing is sure, and bad things happens everywhere, you ll be in bad place at bad time and you can lost your health, etc.
R: 45 / I: 2
Additionally, I am 22, but pursuing a worthless degree in IT, I don't know if I'd be able to get a job, I feel like I need to do something immediately to avoid this impending catastrophe. But I don't know what, it's like I have seen the writing on the wall.
And of course I have no other reason to believe that I am better than people here on the contrary I might be inferior, hell, I can't even drive properly, you've probably read a thousand of my posts here lamenting that by now.
Fuck man, I need to do something, upskill or some sort of productivity or self-improooovement shit or something, in the odd case that it might works. But this path is scary as fuck, this is leading straight up towards suicide. I am not as gutsy as other users here, who are fine with the idea of dying, I kind of want to live properly for a minute first before contemplating dying and I don't think I am even capable of suicide.
I don't even get along very well with my parents, we have a weird hate-love relationship where I am dependent upon them because I have no option.
I don't understand how I can be so unlucky, there are millions and millions of people, literally 99% of them just living their lives normally, I don't understand why do I have to be in the bottom 1% of this planet's population.
I feel an urgent need to do something to prevent this ship to colliding with an iceberg but I am just sitting and watching, if things continue this way, this is not going to end well.
But man all the posts here just scare me to no end. Everyone is talking about the problem but no one is really offering any real and followable solutions, this is not going to end well for either of us.
I don't know why I decided to make this post I feel a sheer sense of urgency and helplessness yet all I do is bedrot.
This website is scary.
There are a whole hosts of posts here where we explain how we're dependent upon our parents and how when they die we will die with them, I am starting to think that the lack of money is a real problem.Additionally, I am 22, but pursuing a worthless degree in IT, I don't know if I'd be able to get a job, I feel like I need to do something immediately to avoid this impending catastrophe. But I don't know what, it's like I have seen the writing on the wall.
And of course I have no other reason to believe that I am better than people here on the contrary I might be inferior, hell, I can't even drive properly, you've probably read a thousand of my posts here lamenting that by now.
Fuck man, I need to do something, upskill or some sort of productivity or self-improooovement shit or something, in the odd case that it might works. But this path is scary as fuck, this is leading straight up towards suicide. I am not as gutsy as other users here, who are fine with the idea of dying, I kind of want to live properly for a minute first before contemplating dying and I don't think I am even capable of suicide.
I don't even get along very well with my parents, we have a weird hate-love relationship where I am dependent upon them because I have no option.
I don't understand how I can be so unlucky, there are millions and millions of people, literally 99% of them just living their lives normally, I don't understand why do I have to be in the bottom 1% of this planet's population.
I feel an urgent need to do something to prevent this ship to colliding with an iceberg but I am just sitting and watching, if things continue this way, this is not going to end well.
But man all the posts here just scare me to no end. Everyone is talking about the problem but no one is really offering any real and followable solutions, this is not going to end well for either of us.
I don't know why I decided to make this post I feel a sheer sense of urgency and helplessness yet all I do is bedrot.
R: 308 / I: 32
Depression Crawl Thread LXVIII
That Uncle who was always different edition (you,your future) Previous >>297968 R: 18 / I: 1
What do people call the belief that the more one suffers in this life the better his or her next one will be?
What do people call the belief that the more one suffers in this life the better his or her next one will be?
R: 306 / I: 13
(1) Know that I care about you guys deeply and sincerely. Call me a faggot, I don't care.
(2) Examine what you are eating. For example, gluten especially produces depressive/psychotic episodes in sensitive autistic individuals. Sugar also is not healthy for your brain.
(3) Make sure you are getting sufficient sleep. Chronic sleeplessness or even a few days' worth of irregular sleep can seriously interfere with the clarity of our thinking.
(4) Clean up. Taking a warm shower and putting on fresh clean clothes always is refreshing and helps to break up darkened mental habits.
(5) Breathe fresh air. Open the windows to your wiz-cave and allow some wind to come in.
(6) Watch your breathing. When we are panicked, our breathing can become very disordered and we do not recognize the effect this has on our thinking. Take deep, purposeful breaths, and collect your thoughts.
(7) Respect yourself. You have done your best to survive in an awful world, and you should grant yourself forgiveness for any mistakes and the allowance to rest with a composed and balanced mind.
I've done my part. Anyone else?
Anti-Suicide General
The purpose of this thread is to counter the general tenor of sadness that defines all the other threads. This thread will therefore feature practical advice about reducing suicidal behavior even when we feel most suicidal. Naturally, being that I started the topic, I will be the first to contribute.(1) Know that I care about you guys deeply and sincerely. Call me a faggot, I don't care.
(2) Examine what you are eating. For example, gluten especially produces depressive/psychotic episodes in sensitive autistic individuals. Sugar also is not healthy for your brain.
(3) Make sure you are getting sufficient sleep. Chronic sleeplessness or even a few days' worth of irregular sleep can seriously interfere with the clarity of our thinking.
(4) Clean up. Taking a warm shower and putting on fresh clean clothes always is refreshing and helps to break up darkened mental habits.
(5) Breathe fresh air. Open the windows to your wiz-cave and allow some wind to come in.
(6) Watch your breathing. When we are panicked, our breathing can become very disordered and we do not recognize the effect this has on our thinking. Take deep, purposeful breaths, and collect your thoughts.
(7) Respect yourself. You have done your best to survive in an awful world, and you should grant yourself forgiveness for any mistakes and the allowance to rest with a composed and balanced mind.
I've done my part. Anyone else?
R: 22 / I: 2
Confession thread. Confess your sins to fellow wizards. A sorrow shared is a sorrow doubled, but maybe that's ok.
Confession can help us heal from depression. Through confession, the individual takes responsibility for the state of his life, concentrating on what he has done, not what has been done to him.
Christ’s own words to the apostles: “If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained” (John 20:23), which the Church understands as the institution of the Sacrament of Reconciliation and the granting of authority to forgive sins in His name.
Forgiveness is also essential of one another: “If you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:15). A heart hardened against others cannot receive mercy.
Confession thread. Confess your sins to fellow wizards. A sorrow shared is a sorrow doubled, but maybe that's ok.
Confession can help us heal from depression. Through confession, the individual takes responsibility for the state of his life, concentrating on what he has done, not what has been done to him.
Christ’s own words to the apostles: “If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained” (John 20:23), which the Church understands as the institution of the Sacrament of Reconciliation and the granting of authority to forgive sins in His name.
Forgiveness is also essential of one another: “If you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:15). A heart hardened against others cannot receive mercy.
R: 21 / I: 0
250 hours left to stay alive
Hey, it's me your resident disgusting nonhuman junkie Benzo spammer. I finally ran out of all ways to get money and I don't even have energy left to try scamming people so it's finally over. I would like to mention I had other reasons to self destruct, like countless debts, mentally ill family, no room to live in, endless diseases eg broken stomach hurts I can't eat and it feels like my spine broke and I'm so weak I'm dying from a walk. Apparently once I ran out of pills I'll have endless months of seizures and psychosis and might jump out of random windows after losing contact with reality.
R: 9 / I: 6
And wail life's discords into careless ears?
…
If any cares for the weak words here written,
It must be someone desolate, fate-smitten,
Whose faith and hope are dead, and who would die."
https://archive.org/details/cityofdreadfulni00thomrich/page/1/mode/1up
The City of Dreadful Night
"Why break the seals of mute despair unbiddenAnd wail life's discords into careless ears?
…
If any cares for the weak words here written,
It must be someone desolate, fate-smitten,
Whose faith and hope are dead, and who would die."
https://archive.org/details/cityofdreadfulni00thomrich/page/1/mode/1up
R: 37 / I: 4
Maybe the I'm viewing the past with rose tinted goggles now that I'm turning 30 soon, but I believe the internet as a whole has lost it's charm.
Back in my (relative) youth I could explore it endlessly find whatever to pass the time with.
It was a perfect escape from the real world, whether forums or online games at the time I could always find myself a group of people who shared some of my interests and interact with them.
It felt like I always was a part of a community, the web felt very tribal in a sense.
Now it all feels empty and hostile. It's almost the same experience as moving from a rural village to a big city just in the digital world.
It's all commercial, brands instead of people, everyone is hostile by default unless they try to sell you on something, nobody is there to have fun anymore. Nothing is authentic anymore.
Games are hyper-competitive.
Communities are fast and loose.
Maybe I'm just jaded, maybe I just don't have any real interest anymore, maybe I'm seeing the world in monochrome, but is that really true?
It feels like every corner of the internet has been shit on by a billion randoms constantly chiming in. Jumping into a space just to take a dump for a quick laugh resulting in very little long term traction for these spaces. Compared to old forums anyways.
People aren't invested in anything anymore, things are more permanent on this slow imageboard than they are on mainstream spaces.
Going back to the village analogy, it's like in a city, where you don't even know the next door neighbor in your concrete hives, so why not shit up the place?
Not sure if it's the age, brainrot, depression or anhedonia, but I just can't will myself to care about anything anymore. The only thing left to do on the internet for me seems to be chasing nostalgia. Other than that all that is available is an endless flood of slop that I can scroll while listening to some multi-hour video essay about some other slop.
Video games that used to be my primary way of passing time feel like such a chore nowadays. You get one, launch it, have to learn a couple dozen mechanics, random lingo for the same crap with dozens of numbers you can tune that often end up pointless or gimp you. Then a forced 1-2 hour handhold session with tutorials and cutscenes…
Games back then used to be launch and play. They were designed intuitively without all these frivolous systems like crafting and whatnot tacked on.
What do you do at your computer? I wish I could will myself to create things, pick up blender or something. My time spent in front of this screen feels more futile than ever.
What used to be an endless world of joy and wonder feels lost forever. It feels too much like real life.
I have never had a "real life" to begin with, but now I have nowhere to escape to.
Still recall that dead internet thread with the windows logo that had some real long posts in it, I wonder how long until we get flooded with WizGPT or something.
Lay down and rot seems to be the only thing left to do when everything else is taken.
Do you feel like there is nothing to do online anymore?
Do you feel like there is nothing to do online anymore?Maybe the I'm viewing the past with rose tinted goggles now that I'm turning 30 soon, but I believe the internet as a whole has lost it's charm.
Back in my (relative) youth I could explore it endlessly find whatever to pass the time with.
It was a perfect escape from the real world, whether forums or online games at the time I could always find myself a group of people who shared some of my interests and interact with them.
It felt like I always was a part of a community, the web felt very tribal in a sense.
Now it all feels empty and hostile. It's almost the same experience as moving from a rural village to a big city just in the digital world.
It's all commercial, brands instead of people, everyone is hostile by default unless they try to sell you on something, nobody is there to have fun anymore. Nothing is authentic anymore.
Games are hyper-competitive.
Communities are fast and loose.
Maybe I'm just jaded, maybe I just don't have any real interest anymore, maybe I'm seeing the world in monochrome, but is that really true?
It feels like every corner of the internet has been shit on by a billion randoms constantly chiming in. Jumping into a space just to take a dump for a quick laugh resulting in very little long term traction for these spaces. Compared to old forums anyways.
People aren't invested in anything anymore, things are more permanent on this slow imageboard than they are on mainstream spaces.
Going back to the village analogy, it's like in a city, where you don't even know the next door neighbor in your concrete hives, so why not shit up the place?
Not sure if it's the age, brainrot, depression or anhedonia, but I just can't will myself to care about anything anymore. The only thing left to do on the internet for me seems to be chasing nostalgia. Other than that all that is available is an endless flood of slop that I can scroll while listening to some multi-hour video essay about some other slop.
Video games that used to be my primary way of passing time feel like such a chore nowadays. You get one, launch it, have to learn a couple dozen mechanics, random lingo for the same crap with dozens of numbers you can tune that often end up pointless or gimp you. Then a forced 1-2 hour handhold session with tutorials and cutscenes…
Games back then used to be launch and play. They were designed intuitively without all these frivolous systems like crafting and whatnot tacked on.
What do you do at your computer? I wish I could will myself to create things, pick up blender or something. My time spent in front of this screen feels more futile than ever.
What used to be an endless world of joy and wonder feels lost forever. It feels too much like real life.
I have never had a "real life" to begin with, but now I have nowhere to escape to.
Still recall that dead internet thread with the windows logo that had some real long posts in it, I wonder how long until we get flooded with WizGPT or something.
Lay down and rot seems to be the only thing left to do when everything else is taken.
R: 12 / I: 7
She was so damn perfect, obscure, so safe from rule 34, yet she had lots of fun art on there and some sites, and she was divine as there was no porn of her on there. Maybe it used she was truly something. She came from an interesting story from an interesting piece of media, but it all took to ruin it all with a stupid question.
I am just tired now. I just want the pain to go away.
I really hope this threat does not count as fool worship because it is about a fictional character i love.
And I made this threat here previous about this
I am tired of living ever since 2022...
Ever since that incident that hurts me deeply, I just want to die and get over it, but every living organism on this stupid rock is afraid of death.She was so damn perfect, obscure, so safe from rule 34, yet she had lots of fun art on there and some sites, and she was divine as there was no porn of her on there. Maybe it used she was truly something. She came from an interesting story from an interesting piece of media, but it all took to ruin it all with a stupid question.
I am just tired now. I just want the pain to go away.
I really hope this threat does not count as fool worship because it is about a fictional character i love.
And I made this threat here previous about this
R: 30 / I: 4
rule 2: relax into sensations, pains, emotions and feelings without doing anything about them, no matter what situation.
rule 3: look at and get to know your thoughts. pick them apart in any way you see fit. this is where your freedom comes in. you can do rule 3 in any way you like.
new rules
rule 1: NO new rules but this set of rules. no new thing to cling to. no idea or plan. you can even let go of all other rules and plans you have, except for this one.rule 2: relax into sensations, pains, emotions and feelings without doing anything about them, no matter what situation.
rule 3: look at and get to know your thoughts. pick them apart in any way you see fit. this is where your freedom comes in. you can do rule 3 in any way you like.
R: 2 / I: 0
What truly troubles you most from your past?
The research is clear: writing can help us manage negative emotional states, process our lives, and even heal from trauma. One of the reasons writing does this, I believe, is because it invites us, and even requires us, to look at our pain in a new way and for a long time. It requires contemplation.
Preserve your memories, keep them well, what you forget you can never retell.
What truly troubles you most from your past?
The research is clear: writing can help us manage negative emotional states, process our lives, and even heal from trauma. One of the reasons writing does this, I believe, is because it invites us, and even requires us, to look at our pain in a new way and for a long time. It requires contemplation.
Preserve your memories, keep them well, what you forget you can never retell.
R: 3 / I: 1
I am a loser who cant do anything right. What is the fastet way for suicide? How is that one suicide website called?
I am a loser who cant do anything right. What is the fastet way for suicide? How is that one suicide website called?
R: 7 / I: 1
And I don't want to be in a body whose only option is to endure that for several decades. Not having prior memories is irrelevant.
Anyone else fear suicide or death out of fear of being born into a third world hell?
After reading what it's like to be poor in Indis or one of those desperate bangladeshi guest workers 48 celsius Dubai heat for 200 dollars a month, I'm convinced hell already exists on Earth.And I don't want to be in a body whose only option is to endure that for several decades. Not having prior memories is irrelevant.
R: 19 / I: 3
Yes, there are problem in white countries like that of healthcare and loneliness as white people do not like families, I think. As a result of that I think a lot of them end up being very lonely. The schooling system is rough and has a lot of bullying as well. And then there is DEI which is not good.
Still though, I wish I was born white and in the first world, possibly sometime before mass migration and everything but even now, as the governments in first world at least pretend to care about you, at least pretend to offer neetbuxx, at least you get a minimum wagie job, as miserable as that would make you, at least you would have a job.
But in the third world, holy shit, you can't even make 100USD a month, which is just not liveable. Like I have heard that parents kick out kids in America, Western Europe, and Oceania when they turn 18, but I have heard so many stories of these kids at least managing to survive and living paycheque to paycheque which I am sure is hard to manage even in the first world. But at least you have some hope.
I have never heard of any success story of a kid being kicked out in the third world, nearly all of them die when they are kicked out.
I am probably mentally ill or maybe it's a coping mechanism that I have where I just keep on imagining my life as a white person and as a first worlder. I am about to be kicked out of my house in third world and I am already imagining worst case scenarios like dying of rabies on the side of a street after getting bit by stray animals, having my hand chopped off and forced to become a part of a begging ring, etc.
Let me know if you guys know of some online jobs that I can do which pay something. But then again it's probably retarded to ask for online jobs when I have no real skills. And whatever skills I have ChatGPT is probably better than me at it.
Not being born into the first world and white is a severe handicap.
I know it's pointless for me to even think about what if I was born white and in the first world as there is nothing I can do to change it. But I have these thoughts frequently, just maladaptively daydreaming constantly how good life would have been if I was white.Yes, there are problem in white countries like that of healthcare and loneliness as white people do not like families, I think. As a result of that I think a lot of them end up being very lonely. The schooling system is rough and has a lot of bullying as well. And then there is DEI which is not good.
Still though, I wish I was born white and in the first world, possibly sometime before mass migration and everything but even now, as the governments in first world at least pretend to care about you, at least pretend to offer neetbuxx, at least you get a minimum wagie job, as miserable as that would make you, at least you would have a job.
But in the third world, holy shit, you can't even make 100USD a month, which is just not liveable. Like I have heard that parents kick out kids in America, Western Europe, and Oceania when they turn 18, but I have heard so many stories of these kids at least managing to survive and living paycheque to paycheque which I am sure is hard to manage even in the first world. But at least you have some hope.
I have never heard of any success story of a kid being kicked out in the third world, nearly all of them die when they are kicked out.
I am probably mentally ill or maybe it's a coping mechanism that I have where I just keep on imagining my life as a white person and as a first worlder. I am about to be kicked out of my house in third world and I am already imagining worst case scenarios like dying of rabies on the side of a street after getting bit by stray animals, having my hand chopped off and forced to become a part of a begging ring, etc.
Let me know if you guys know of some online jobs that I can do which pay something. But then again it's probably retarded to ask for online jobs when I have no real skills. And whatever skills I have ChatGPT is probably better than me at it.
R: 13 / I: 2
I am too fatigued for hobbies.
I work from my bed.
I do errands in my spare time.
Life is bad.
I am too fatigued for hobbies.
I work from my bed.
I do errands in my spare time.
Life is bad.
R: 1 / I: 0
Do you think babies are happy? They seem to me to be the one beings that I can't hate. Disgusting, yes, but they can't help it. They have done no wrong and are victims of culture.
Some sure, probably have bad personalities and no empathy. But, when I see a cute baby, it kind of softens my vulnerability. It doesn't happen nowadays maybe because I'm ugly but once upon a time babies would sometimes look at me in public, and smile or something. It's such pure, safe validation. I know they're not wanting to hurt me, or mocking me. It's just a innocent human connection where I'm hopefully making them feel safe.
It's sad I won't be in a position to have a baby on my own but also yeah I can't look after myself let alone a baby so it would be hell.
Do you think babies are happy? They seem to me to be the one beings that I can't hate. Disgusting, yes, but they can't help it. They have done no wrong and are victims of culture.
Some sure, probably have bad personalities and no empathy. But, when I see a cute baby, it kind of softens my vulnerability. It doesn't happen nowadays maybe because I'm ugly but once upon a time babies would sometimes look at me in public, and smile or something. It's such pure, safe validation. I know they're not wanting to hurt me, or mocking me. It's just a innocent human connection where I'm hopefully making them feel safe.
It's sad I won't be in a position to have a baby on my own but also yeah I can't look after myself let alone a baby so it would be hell.
R: 13 / I: 1
anyone else not know what theyre gonna do with their future? i had a job at 21 in an amazon facility for about a month, but i lost it because my dad stopped driving me and i had to much anxiety to get myself there. ive been a NEET ever since i dropped out of middle school other than that i have no idea what im gonna do. most days i dont eat because im to anxious to go outside and where i live doesnt help, my dad uses our house as a flophouse for his bum friends to play loud shitty guitar music. i think my future is fucked, it might be better if i spared myself the suffering and committed suicide but i dont have the will to do it, just like i dont have the will to do anything else which is why im in this situation.
anyone else not know what theyre gonna do with their future? i had a job at 21 in an amazon facility for about a month, but i lost it because my dad stopped driving me and i had to much anxiety to get myself there. ive been a NEET ever since i dropped out of middle school other than that i have no idea what im gonna do. most days i dont eat because im to anxious to go outside and where i live doesnt help, my dad uses our house as a flophouse for his bum friends to play loud shitty guitar music. i think my future is fucked, it might be better if i spared myself the suffering and committed suicide but i dont have the will to do it, just like i dont have the will to do anything else which is why im in this situation.