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/dep/ - Depression

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R: 3 / I: 0

Escaping the Demiurge PT 2

Serious question for any wizcels:

Do you ever wonder how you got here…as in, how or why you "woke up" when you did, where you did, to the people (parents) that you did? It's impossible to make sense of. Just on one fucking terrible day, we took up consciousness, literally out of nowhere we are in bodies and tasked with learning the mechanics of entire material world. What caused us to be born when we were, to whom we were? I don't accept that it was random, or mere bare biology..I feel within myself that this life is a targeted punishment and that were I smarter I would have avoided being born entirely. What piece of shit god thinks he/it has the right to do this to us? We are born, thereafter we spend a few years simply making basic sense of things, go off to school, probably suffer a lot, continue to grow up, endure more sadness, and now through all of it we just continue to get older and weaker and sadder. This life is a crime against our souls and whatever caused us to come here HAS TO PAY. Really the only thing I fear is being forced to come back to this shitheap of a world to suffer again…and I do worry about this precisely because I don't know how I got here in the first place. I feel deeply sorry for all the new souls born to this world…there is just so much to learn, but even more there is just so much to suffer through…and I cannot understand what kind of god would force this sort of existence on tender helpless beings? The demiurge must be overcome.
R: 170 / I: 11

Depression Crawl Thread LXIV

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
R: 23 / I: 1

Anime NEETs how do you cope?

I hate the world that I live in. It all feels inauthentic, meaningless, and boring. The only thing that really brings me joy is escapism. I read novels, manga, and watch anime and movies and get so attached to the storyline and characters and setting. But they all come to an end eventually. It's exceedingly brutal because I don't have anything going on in my life so I become significantly emotionally invested into these things. It's hard for me to move on. And then it saddens me when I realize the joy and fulfillment that piece of media gave me is missing from my life, and that I will never get to experience it for the first time again. I also worry about running out of good media, which would mean the end of my escapist copes.

I hate that these copes are so transient and fleeting, and I hate how boring real life is.
R: 88 / I: 6

Suicide General - Long Cold Sleep

Suicide general, - Discuss everything suicide related here.
R: 63 / I: 5

Antidepressant Thred

In this thread, we shall discuss everything SSRi-related.

I've tried the following:

Fluvoxamine, Sertraline, and Fluoxteine are SSRIs.

SNRI's:

Desvenlafaxine Venlafaxine

I'm going to talk about each of them and how I feel about them.

Fluvoxamine:

The first two weeks on Fluvoxamine are complete torture; I'm anxious, tired, and have terrible focus due to anxiety and panic episodes.

Sertraline:

When I first started on Sertraline, I had no side effects, it was OK till it pooped out, but it truly works but it can screw with your motivation, plus the weight loss is fantastic on this medicine, I was 78 before taking it, and three months later I was 69-70.


Fluoxtiene:

Similar to fluvoxamine, except it makes me laugh even at the most ridiculous things.

and now we will discuss the SNRIs

Desvenlafaxine:

I felt terrific, but losing weight was difficult I nearly went from 74 to 82.
I can wake up in the morning with full energy and excitement on 50mg, but after I hit 100mg, I became restless and my anxiety skyrocketed; I'll give it a 6/10 due of the weight gain.

Venlafaxine (currently used in combination with mirtazapine):

Venlafaxine is actually a miracle; I'm on 150mg right now it's similar to Sertraline but doesn't steal your motivation. moreover, the combination with mirtazapine is known as California rocket fuel because to the increased mechanism of action.
R: 59 / I: 35

Suicide book

Distant recognition from a goodsocietyman. Suicide: A Social and Historical Study, written by Henry Romilly Fedden in 1938.
R: 9 / I: 1

Forced to live

I'm cursed. I have physical and mental disabilities that make life impossible.

I have no way to cope, I don't use drugs, I don't believe in god, etc…

Suicide might be my only option but I don't know how to do that, I risk to suffer even more. For example if I stopped eating they would put me in a psych ward with artificial nutrition. I thought about drowning myself but what if I just end up with water in my lungs.

I feel like I'm forced to live, how to escape from never ending pain? I'm the living proof of why people shouldn't have children.
R: 52 / I: 2

Wageslave General

getting angry, getting frustrated edition

previous >>285492
R: 15 / I: 0

Don't even feel real anymore

Up to the age of 17 or 18 I consistently felt sad and defeated already, but at least I felt alive, felt live I had a human being agency.
Now I barely feel human. I don't feel emotions, don't have any belief in myself, all my interaction with other people feels like I'm pretending to be someone, while Real Me is just a hollow husk. Consuming content doesn't work, I fail to engage with emotional beats, don't feel rewarded when I engage intellectually into something, it feels very weird seeing myself in the mirror because I think I've completely detached myself from my body after some years of NEETdom. I am capable of some intellectual tasks, but I get drained very fast. Like I can sprint something once in a while, but then I get burnt out and back to rotting, never finishing ever. It doesn't real that I could have an agency or make something or improve my life because I don't even feel like I deserve to be part of life.

Does anyone relate to any of this? Have you managed to escape it?
R: 55 / I: 2

I hate rich or wealthy wizards

I hate wizards who got substantial inheritances, or lucked out otherwise while being unable to work. 99,9% of the problems related to being a wizard are related to a lack of money and the fact normies hate even employing a non-neurotypical, making life an infinite paywall torture simulator where you can only look but not touch anything.

My life would completely transform if I even had 10k dollars to my name. Yet there are wizards who inherited an expensive big house and hundreds of thousands of euros or dollars.

They cannot sympathize with someone who is in a perpetual cycle of shit tier labor->pay absolute necessities->have maybe $20 extra at the end of the month-> repeat infinitely…

Because they play life on heaven mode where everything is unlocked and stress levels go down by 99%.
R: 76 / I: 8

"To live is to suffer."

As Wizards, do you think we suffer a lot more than most people? Recently, I've been having antinatalist thoughts that all humans and animals were born to suffer, and that everyone probably suffer to similar degrees no matter how shit or awesome their lives are.

I used to think most people have much better lives than me, because they have friends, loving families, careers, sex, etc. but, no matter how much better their lives seem to be compared to mine, I've never once wanted to BE them. If I could trade my sorry existence away and live the life of some famous super celebrity, I wouldn't make that trade. Partly as an ego thing, and partly because I think I would be taking on their suffering too, so it would be pointless.

We all know of celebrities who killed themselves despite having fame and fortune and things we could only dream of having, but how are their lives any better than that of Wizards who an heroed? Wizards kill themselves for being on the spectrum, and being ugly and unwanted, while those celebs suffered from none of those things and had everything we ever wanted but they ended up killing themselves anyway. I think it's a mindset thing derived from the circumstances of our lives. Those celebs would never worry about the same things as a Wizard would worry about, but having celebrity status exposed them to different sources of suffering like needing to maintain their looks, avoiding scandals, contemplating the dicks they need to suck to stay relevant. It seems to me like it doesn't matter if you're normal, a wizard, homeless, or a celebrity. You're always gonna have your own set of worries to make you feel sad and depressed. I'm starting to think all living things were born to suffer equally.

My coworkers are as normal as can be. They're married, have kids, and socialize with each other every day. Meanwhile, I'm the opposite. I'm single, no kids, and keep to myself. Of course I get sad about this sometimes, being the only KHV in the office, but when I overhear them rant about drama regarding their family and friends, I feel grateful that I don't have to deal with those things.
R: 103 / I: 2

It sucks to be a physical freak

If my problems were purely emotional I think I could cope. But I have physical flaws that make me feel like a freak and hated by anyone who isn't family. I've got Seb derm on my face, and I've seen many dermatologists and tried every over the counter treatment possible, but nothing in the long-term has helped. It looks awful and the only option I have to is to wear cover-up (though I'm a guy), but that's noticeable too. I also have head tremors that look especially odd when I walk or drive a car. And on top of that i have a stutter, which can only be hidden when i don't talk (obviously), but is quite noticeable in most conversations. These things make me terribly anxious to be around people. I've tried to come to terms with my physical flaws, but I just can't. Every time I go outside I feel like everyone's eyes are on me. I'm jealous of people whose problems are just mental.
R: 35 / I: 2
i just realised if i bothered to search and know all the pop culture icons and slang with quick internet searches i could have faked my way through my social awkwardness, i didn't know who vanilla ice or anything about whitney houston songs for example.
Everything in life was alien to me because it was schizo tier conversations between normies with an understanding in their shitty tv media meme culture.
Instead i learned about wojaks and pepes.
15 years later i still have to learn shitty normie popculture now and its so dumb
R: 31 / I: 2

Disadvantage if not social

This is probably not big news, but you have much worse chances of getting anything done in life if you are not social. From jobs, to housing, to money. If you are trying to do everything alone, you will not be as successful. Except you have a godlike family and upbringing. But I suppose nobody here had this.
R: 39 / I: 0
I used to be obviously depressed. I knew I was miserable, and it showed.
I've grown accustomed to my loneliness or something, but these days I'm mostly fine - I get on with whatever I'm doing, and am usually pretty content.
this can go on for weeks, I'm fine being on my own, then some sort of trigger event happens
then suddenly, I'm as miserable as i ought to be. I'm a 32 year old, friendless, khv with no prospects, zero drive to do anything worthwhile, just marking time. i realize how awful this is, and how awful the rest of it is going to be
and im crying, whinnying and my thoughts are racing at 4000mph and im going to kill myself - this time i'm actually going to do it, i make screaming noises and sometimes i punch myself
and just as quickly as it came on, i'm back to normal
it feels like stepping out of a sauna. very sudden relief
the box gets slammed shut and im completely fine again

i am fine, but i feel like one day i'm going to explode
R: 7 / I: 1

printed\ media ruined my life, how to escape

Almost every single major fuck-up in my little life, and every long-lasting consequence I still suffer, is due to media: Watching m*dels in magazines when I was like 5, or when I was 6-14 in dr's waiting room, social media, hollywood shit, hours and hours wasted on vidya. Being a weeb\nerd due to anime, and even I watched the shitty ones. PMO, of course for pete's sake.
I can't change the past but how do I stir the boat in the good direction now? Do I make a "bucket list" of media to consume (anime, netflix cartoos etc) + an alloted time per week to use internet for new media of those series? I want to literally stop using the internet, netflix\TV or vidya. Just be ALIVE and LIVE.
How do I even start accomplishing this? I want to be a real human, for once.
R: 15 / I: 0
I've always felt like there is a specific subgroup of people that were born to be successful, and the rest are those who gaslight themselves into thinking that their lives are “decent” or those who simply lost hope. No specific talents or aspirations, no deep connections with others.
There are even specific voices that people find pleasant to listen to, while others have to find ways to make themselves heard. At some point I wanted to be heard too. I had Ideas, I had Opinions or Wants.
I live invisibly, cutting off all of my “relationships” before they even start, because I understand that my mental state is a barrier from anything healthy. IF people like me disappear, it wouldn’t change much: it is not a corny feeling, it is an actual fact.
I am now physically sick whenever I am at my workplace, so I quit a week ago. Antisocial and anxious thoughts got the best of me, I guess.
I have a plan and conditions ready to end my life, and I am not bitter about it anymore. Just was curious to maybe hear from other deeply alienated people like myself.
R: 14 / I: 14

James Thomson (1834-1882)

Poet who "maintained to the last his constancy to himself and gentleness toward others" despite his misfortune.
R: 99 / I: 1
I relate a lot with old inc_els because most of them don't even want relationships anymore, they've accepted that past a certain point there is no coming back, once you've spent your entire life bullied and ostracized and mocked for how you look or being introverted and entered adult age not knowing real friendships or love from parents, there is really no rainbow in the dark or light at the end of the tunnel.

Your personality is shaped, your memories are painful so you want to erase the past or pretend that it didn't happen, you are like an abused and neglected kid who starts to sweat and becoming increasingly anxious as the time to go back from work for his dad approaches.

Lot of pain and trauma. You are better off alone at that point, engaging in hobbies, distracted with work or in some fantasy world.

There is no cure.

You can't even relate or feel an attachment for this world and what it has to offer. You are almost prepared to leave and don't care. How can you care when you carry a broken soul within you.

There is no return because the place you left was doomed to be hell for you, from the very beginning and you know it's best once you accept that it wasn't your fault and stop blaming yourself. What can you do when you are born a wiz.

Society doesn't care. You've been left alone.
R: 156 / I: 27

Death of the Uncool

Death of the Uncool - End of the Wizards V

Watching Geekdom get absorbed into the monoculture over the last decade (and then some) has been a pretty demoralising experience.

Part of the process of commodification, streamlining and assimilation of geek culture into the all-consuming monoculture, is distortion and erasure of the original.

"These would be the successive phases of the image:

1 It is the reflection of a basic reality.

2 It masks and perverts a basic reality.

3 It masks the absence of a basic reality.

4 It bears no relation to any reality whatever: it is its own pure simulacrum.

In the first case, the image is a good appearance: the representation is of the order of sacrament. In the second, it is an evil appearance: of the order of malefice. In the third, it plays at being an appearance: it is of the order of sorcery. In the fourth, it is no longer in the order of appearance at all, but of simulation."

I'm probably using Baudrillard wrong, but I think we're either between phase 2 and 3 or on phase 3. We're at the point where we have "gamers" who don't like videogames as the faces of videogames.
R: 25 / I: 2
I just want to be human. Every day I wake up and it goes the same way: pre-made meals or super low effort food, same 1 video game I keep playing, browsing imageboards while watching a stream… at the end of every day I am so disgusted by how dull it all was that it feels impossible that I will spend another day like this only to repeat it. Now I am suddenly 32 and it feels unbelivable. I feel regret only to then realize that I can't deviate from this routine. The other day I FINALLY unboxed the console I bought 4 years ago and that actually took me mental effort. I don't even think I have autism that could excuse this. I have things I want to do but doing something that won't give me any instant gratification feels simply impossible. Could it be because of anhedonia? I tried to read a book I bought but reading it I feel nothing even if it interests me. I could honestly just lie in bed all day. Thinking about doing anything, even something that should be entertaining doesn't excite me. Without anything I am physically passionate about, things I have a deep knowledge in, life experience I just don't feel like a person.
R: 32 / I: 4
why should i continue on?
I wouldnt say im actively suicidal, but i find it hard to find a reason to go on for.
whats your reason?
R: 44 / I: 1

are "the dark ones" actually right?

chronic alcoholics, drug addicts, homeless schizos, career criminals, neets who are one or more of this options, all mixes of these: Are they actually correct? if life is absurd and meaningless: why play by the rules? Why not maximize pleasure at the expense of everybody else?
Serious discussion here. Every day, I DESPISE more and more family men, job-havers, preachy-preachy goody two-shoes, anyone who works for stability, governance, administration and organisation of communities.
R: 11 / I: 5

A Quieter World

Have any wizards here noticed that the world feels much quieter today than it did 4-5 years ago. Did the (((vaccine))) really kill of a large percentage of the population? Are people not going outside as often anymore? When I go walking in various places there are uniformly less people in these places than what was customary only a few years ago.
R: 5 / I: 0

Life Sucks

Hey Wizards! Lately I have not been doing very well mentally, I have been thinking about quitting my job but if I do that my parents will be mad at me plus it is hard to find a job for me.

Why was I born this way? With such a negative outlook on life? With this way of acting different from others?
R: 15 / I: 0

Found "purpose" when younger. Then lost it.

When I was younger, around 20-25 years old, I was highly driven, motivated, outgoing, hopeful and physically fit. I had even graduated college. Then, the year I turned 26, I destroyed my right shoulder, left leg, totaled my car, dropped out of the trade school I was in, lost my job, became an alcoholic, and was THIS close to killing myself. Obviously I didn't since I'm posting here now at 29. I even went back to school and graduated for the trade and got the "dream job." Also stopped drinking 3 months ago.

However. since that year I haven't felt that happiness I once had. All of the things I had built up for myself were taken away all at once. I used to enjoy doing multiple martial arts, running, swimming, gaming, and learning new things. I just don't get the same enjoyment or excitement out of any of that stuff anymore. I don't know what to do any more. Do I just keep living even though I hate it? Just so I don't make my mother upset that I killed myself? It's just not good any more. Hasn't been for years.
R: 5 / I: 0

I am trapped

Living with parents right now. They were the one that plunged me into the pits of hell in the first place by interfering with my projects, aspirations, friendship, routines, etc (I already forgotten so much and trying to remember just makes my head hurt and wanna cry). I should've had finished college in time if not for their interference, now that I've graduated and lived with my parents, I simply can't structured my mind just to write a CV, I know this sounds faggy as fuck, but I simply doesn't feel at home here. Just did the "talk" with them and I feel I just wanted to end it all. I really need to gtfo away from them, but that requires me getting a job; which I can't bring myself to while still living with them. Not really asking for advice, simply need to write this somewhere to vent and keep myself from revenge hero'ing against my parents and sister.
R: 325 / I: 52

Depression Crawl Thread LXIII

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
R: 49 / I: 0

Living in Morocco

I don't think many of you know where or what is Morocco, basically it's a North african country that is at least probably the best country in Africa since it's atleast self aware of it's occurance and what's happening there but in the economic side it's in fucking shambles, Teachers getting assfucked and treated like subhumans and what's worse is that i'm in college and my only way out is to become a teacher therefore to becoming a subhuman. Ignoring that, As i said Economically it's literally going downhill as the fuel prices are way too higher than what they used to be (9 Dh[0.90$] (2019) - 14.50 Dh[1.45$] (2024)) I can't even afford money to pay for fuel to my bike so i'm fucked and even if i get money the fuel is still atleast half, And the food is also way higher than it used to be and many many items are very high, So it's basically a hellhole, but to make it more than a hellhole. The unemployement rate possibly in Morocco is unfamously known as the worst in possibly Africa since many people after College don't find any Job that fits their status quota, or even to get into McDonalds you need to fucking have friends there just to get there and get treated like a subhuman which in contrary in America McDonalds is a job that anyone can get to easily and even make fun of. And to compare the salary of a Mcdonalds worker in the US with a Teacher in Morocco, It's like comparing an Engineer with a trash collector. Because a fucking teacher in Morocco gets paid 500$ in Average meanwhile McDonalds employee gets 3k$ and still fucking whines in 4chan about his loneliness, a measely fucking 500$ imagine that shit now as something that i'm studying for my 21 years and to get treated like a subfuckinghuman and i don't even know if i'll get that job since it's very hard to get into it and i don't even know if i'll get my degree but just imagine a YouTuber getting paid 5k in one hour while a Teacher in Morocco gets paid 5k in a year.

Now in regards to the Culture, we're way too fucked as everyone is literally diverging into being a thug or a criminal, Everyone is obsessed with the rap culture and they want to be aggressive fucking faggots i hope they all get fucking nuked and get their whole intestines burned while they're alive and survive for days getting tortured by that pain and die like dogs, and in the other side about succubi, Man like me who don't belong or even have that much in Society don't exist, i don't mean it metaphorically but literally unironically we don't fucking exist, we're just something that's walking a figure a fucking shadow that is walking with nothing there inside, Having sex or even a relationship which others in 1st world country have everyday and turned into something normal is a fucking Dream here in Morocco because we literally don't even fucking have rights as humans we're literal fucking species that are waiting to die and if we do something in that shit hole we get bullied or mocked at, i'm fucking at the gutter here i literally gave up any dream with being a succubus because i'm no longer human i cease to have any means to qualify me as a human in the Moroccan society because i'm not strong/rich or even have social circle and even online you can't get that far and even Tinder is more strict in means of Relationship, succubi here are x100 dumber than other succubi and i fucking hate the American/European succubi they're not even that better than the Moroccan succubi but in terms of intellectuallism they're fucking retarded they think they're the center of attention, jeez this is turning into a crab rant but back into the subject i'm literally a subhuman and i can't do shit about it, My future is already predetermined to be doomed and i have many enemies in my city and i can't even go outside and i'm trying hard to study just to get outside of my city to get fucked in another city, I know Morocco isn't atleast worse than India but it's too fucking aggressive and life here is on extra hardcore more jeez man
R: 50 / I: 4

it's better to stay at home in your room

Back in High School I tried to cope with doing hobbies outside, to participate in normalfag activities because I wanted to at least give the bluepilled advice a go, I knew in the back of my mind it would not work and to nobody's surprise, the expectations are exactly what occurred, it resulted in nothing but utter humiliation. I played for a football academy back in High School and whilst I was decent at it I was treated poorly by my teammates, did not make a single friend there even though I contributed a lot to the stats of the team, we even made it very far into the tournament, after that incident I was discouraged to make friends because no matter how much meritocratic value is under your hands you are worthless to everyone, unless you're a prodigy your efforts are worthless.

Going outside has not improved my health but only worsen it, it has done the opposite effect, it makes me feel more worthless, more worse overall, a complete abomination, it reminds me of what I look like which is the opposite of what I'm trying to achieve. If you're an ugly midget subhuman like me then don't go outside and if you have to then try to limit it as much as possible because other people will remind you of your own flaws.

For ugly midgets like me, I think it's better to stay home and play video games. Don't go outside unless you have to. Make sure all of your hobbies are in solitude, experience surreal dimensions through novels, animes and video games. Outdoor hobbies can be selectively chosen, ones that don't include many people, walk through national parks in those isolating tracks because not much people are there, it's a great cope to view nature as a wiz. If you have the privilege, then work remote or at least hybrid, if you can't do this then get into a field of work that requires a limited interaction of others, if you are even more privileged then NEET but I would not suggest this as its damaging to your health in the long run.

There's no point going to malls, restaurants or visiting popular tourist sites like the Eiffel tower, it is super damaging to your brain being in places surrounded by normalfags. Just watch the YouTube video of it or visit the Minecraft version.
R: 16 / I: 0

Advice for younger men with autism

Older wizzie here, I spend a good decade on psych meds and constantly trying to work past my autism. It doesn't work, here's some advice for you high functioning spergs that are suffering.

1. Make dealings with the fact you'll never have a wife, girlfriend and children, and psychologically accept it. The crab blackpill stuff with autism is 100% correct, it is harder for us than someone with schizophrenia. I'm someone tall and good looking enough to be asked out by succubi in the past, but it doesn't work out as they ghost you the second they work out what you are.

2. If you have to socialize, socialize with old people. They're more forgiving than younger normalfags. Retirement homes advertise chatting and talking to the elderly, if you need to get your social fix in, you could easily sate the urge with that. They won't be mean to you and they'll be desperate for your company. If you're an extroverted aspie who needs socialization, have a grandma/grandpa or two you go and see every second day. You will absolutely make their day, and you'll be able to talk to someone in a safe environment.

3. Get offline. Computer addiction destroys aspies, and we're susceptible to porn addiction and absolutely depraved coomery. If you're NEETing you can easily spend 12+ hours a day doomscrolling. We're all trannying out at rapid rates because we're susceptible to that brainrot.

4. A part time job where you work alone is preferable to NEETdom. But make sure it is alone, you must always find work where you're alone. You will be victimized because of your condition in hyper-social normie workplaces, guaranteed. Even if you weren't at school, you will be at work. Autists are typically fine at school but suffer at work to the point where 85% of us live on NEETbux.

5. Understand that there's nothing in the normalfag life that will actually make you happy. I did it all, I pushed myself to the limits trying to suppress and overcome my autism. I lived a life that for a while could be considered normie. It will not satisfy you and it won't make you happy. Find a healthy routine and stick to it.

6. Kacazynski-maxx if you can. If you can live in the countryside with a bit of land, do it. Having a small garden, going fishing, being in nature and having a dog will make you pretty happy by yourself. I was my happiest the less I used screens and the more outdoors I was.
R: 41 / I: 4

The menace of the human female

Why are there female apologists here, on the only website dedicated to wizardly endeavors, the only place on the internet that defends and respects male celibacy of all places?

Females are the origin of all our suffering and all the suffering of the collective human race, proven by the irrefutable fact of their unique role as stinky fuck holes that shit out children for their personal selfish enjoyment, desire, status and primal urge.

To them in their self serving justification, children should be grateful, but in reality females have to carefully conceal their sadistic, uncaring and casual indifference in their role of throwing a baby into this evil society to be logs of worthless shit, helplessly abused, used up and treated like disposable trash to be thrown away once they no longer have value.

Females are the bane of all wizardly existence, the origin of all wizardly suffering, the origin and the beginning of unquenchable wizardly desires, the dawning existence of the humble unsuspecting wizkids with aspirations of deserving their fair share of basic wizlet happiness.

Wizkids are naturally pure, innocent, busy with wizardly endeavors, wand enjoyers who love to conjure magic in their rooms, some evolving into wizardly figures recognized as a lively house ornament with unending loyalty and as a silent background figure always providing company for the house occupants to stave off their feelings of loneliness, some wizzies composting and blossoming into wise loyal hermit oracles, some a cared for sheltered recluse that has invaluable wizardly virtues. Some having to partake in the dog eat dog normalfag world of cliqued up social hierarchies all orbiting around female gynocentric pussy worship. The wizkid is a rare treasure in the modern world and must be protected.

The wizkid serves as a naturally innocent benevolent force of objective moral good, the entire existence of the wizkid stands in complete contrast to the naturally wicked existence of the human female, creatures that are unashamed in their sadistic self serving primitive impulses, unashamed in their vile intentions to scheme, lie, cheat, manipulate and swindle, but are instinctually smart enough to keep it hidden deep within, but eventually the infectious bio-waste that fills their souls leaks out in subtle almost unnoticeable slip ups that stupefies you into disbelief witnessing their casual cruel intentions. Once you finally learn how to notice the almost unbelievable rotten nature of the female soul, you can feel it constantly radiating from them whenever you're in their presence and you can't help but feel disgusted all the time by their noticeable innate genetic impulses that define their whole repugnant being, a detestable shallow existence that is worshipped endlessly by every institution, worshipped endlessly by society despite being useless ungrateful demonic goblins.

Simps, get off my board!
R: 3 / I: 0
It's insane how much of my suffering is self-inflicted by my mind.

I had almost a mental breakdown because of a fucking free2play video game I play just to pass the time. I keep playing it because I'm addicted to earning "rewards" even though what use are these rewards if I don't actually enjoy the core game? I am so used to playing it every day like a job I didn't even realize how much time I was wasting. I can spend an entire day playing that dogshit when I have, even if I am not productive, more fulfilling things to do like play well crafted singleplayer video games that are not designed to be addictive, or read a book or watch a movie…

I feel like I have barely any time despite being a NEET because I keep wasting my time like this and also browsing imageboards out of some stupid FOMO even though I know 99.9% of the time it's just shitposts. My brain is so trained to have this nonstop, nonchallenging stimulation that even reading a short article or watching a 10 minute video feels like a big task. I feel ashamed of living like this. Like these people in dystopian stories who just consume connected to some machine. I barely feel like a person because I didn't grow by facing and overcoming challenges and doing stuff by myself because I want to and not because my someone forced me to.

Every time I actually did something it wasn't that bad like I enjoyed exercising and yet I forgot it was an option and feel like all I can do is the same routine of waking up, eating pre-made food, playing the same game, browsing imageboards and then go to sleep. Like even the slightest deviation from this feels almost impossible. I actually felt proud of myself for finally playing a singleplayer game I bought on steam sale 4 years ago… that's just super sad.
R: 10 / I: 3

The People of the Abyss

By Jack London. Picture taken by Miron Zownir in Moscow in 1995 (Radical Eye).
R: 309 / I: 27

Wageslave General

nothing makes sense edition

previous >>281123
R: 5 / I: 0

My life is going to shit

I am here because I need advice from people older than me. I'm a 21 year old Mexican guy who only has 4 friends and has never had a girlfriend (like probably most people here). I make $100 a week so I barely make enough for anything, I hate my job and I have a hard time finding a job because I have rotacism. I have identity crisis as I like to create fake profiles everyday on shitbook but within hours of creating them I delete them. I masturbate frequently and I don't know what to do with my life. I would like to get feedback from you if possible.

Thanks a lot for reading
PS: I don't know English very well so I apologize if the text is confusing.
R: 17 / I: 0

future blindness

I am incapable of considering and preparing for the future and it fucks me up.

I didn't have motivation to study in college because I hated my subject and didn't really care about money because all I did was browse the net, watch anime, read manga and play retro video games which you can all do with a cheap laptop. I thought that the future will just get better and we might get UBI and more cheap escapist technology. I never even considered the fact that:

>i will get tired of these things and want more

>i will get sick of consooming and want to create
>my parents will get tired of me and we will get into arguments
>the future will actually get worse because of the economy, global instability and climate change
>neetbux could get reduced, come with harsh conditions or straight up canceled
>my health will get worse as the 20s buff wears off and I might need more money for better healthcare

Now I got tired of video games, internet and anime but these things ruined my attention span so its hard to focus on things that are more challenging and dont give instant gratification.

I want to finally move out but with the current housing crisis it seems impossible.

I have constant anxiety for the future and wish I had money and skills to at least have some mobility and choice and not just be at the mercy of fate.

My back hurts and I need to get a good mattress but no money thanks to the increased food prices.

There is no choice but to prepare for the future and do damage control but the mistakes of the past weigh on me every day. Especially since the mistakes I made were so obvious if I took the time to think for a few minutes and wasn't such an escapist addicted manchild who thought he could hide from reality if he ignored it.
R: 12 / I: 1

i wish people didnt ask me who i am or where im from

I have no idea who i am and where i belong to. I don't want to be noticed, seen nor do i want to be remembered, i don't want anyone to know i exist, I dont even want to exist. Really wish i could get into a freak accident then get so brain damaged that Iforget everything about my self and past. I'm detached from everyone, the world around me and the body i inhabit. I feel nothing for other people and hold no connection towards them.
I dont have a place I feel connected to. I dont have a home. I dont have parents, I dont have a family, I dont have friends, i dont have a self, i dont have anything. I've been living in a perpetual day dream/delusion for decades and thats the only reason ive put up with existing for so long. everyday of my pathetic life is spent trying to not end it. why am I the way I am?
R: 98 / I: 8
>get back from mental hospital after about 2 years
>excited to tell my NEET loser online friends about it
>they're all normied up. One has even become a gay furry living with Tyrone
>they keep giving me improvebrah advice and telling me I'm too negative
>itsover.jpg
The only people I can relate to now are you motherfuckers. I wonder how many Wizards have done this and left the site. Both these guys were old 28, and 35 respectively.
R: 75 / I: 6

MittenSquad was a wizard all this time

Wiz was a mute all through school and made no friends because of his face

Wiz was depressed most of his life, never having the opportunity to live like the rest or be accepted by other humans

Wiz was bullied and rejected for his looks and developed depression

Wiz liked videogames because it did not involve other people who judged him and made him feel miserable

Wiz liked videogames so much that he created a youtube channel dedicated to it

Wiz youtube channel dedicated to videogames was a success(1 million subscribers)

but Wiz never showed his face

Wiz have no need to, Wiz was funny and people liked him

then one day

Wiz did a face reveal

Wiz thought the people who at one point rejected him for his face will now accept him for who he is with open arms, after all, they loved his personality…

Wiz was wrong and after the face reveal video the views decreased drastically and he became a meme

All this time, Wiz was drowning his sorrows and became an alcoholic to cope with his life

Wiz despite having success as a youtube guy still was depressed

so he developed pancreatitis as a result

and then

Wiz died

in his late 20s

like

a

True Wiz

He drank himself to death
R: 4 / I: 1

is anyone else more comfortable with strangers than people you know?

whats odd that while i have social anxiety surrounding all social situations in general, it seems that it gets worse around people i personally know or have to interact with more often. like i can tell strangers on chatrooms like omegle my life story or my most embarassing mistakes or secrets and not care much but i cant tell anything to people i wanna be friends with or people i know. like the strnager im talking to wouldnt care about me or probably wont remember or any of the shit i said to them and they wouldnt really tell others my most personal info coz im nothing but a stranger to them as well so it wouldnt be of worth. im most scared of being judged by people i know. anyone relate and does anyone know what could be the reason behind this?
R: 3 / I: 0
I have some kind of severe neurological condition i have no clear answers on and I've apparently suffered from to some degree forever, but it's gotten far worse over the past few years.

I'm completely boxed in, I'm scared of what my reality will become in a few years and I don't want to be here to find out but obviously I may not have the nerve to off myself.

I don't think whatever your circumstances may be that it's all that hopeless, I'd do anything for a functional brain at this point, Jesus christ, I bet if you cut down on screen time and jogged each day your mood would improve by 30 percent at least.

I'm fucked but I don't get that sense from most of the guys here, I see people who are unmotivated and fearful of rejection, who truly don't have any real struggle.
R: 301 / I: 33

How do I cope with being ugly

It's like no matter how neurotypical I try to be or how positive or outspoken I try to be, it just rubs "normies" the wrong way.

It's as if everyone has an 'autism radar' from the moment they see your face. Do people like me who are on the spectrum somehow transmit that information through facial features?
It doesn't even matter if I'm putting on a straight face, or smiling or whatever, people even at school used to ask me if I'm autistic.

It's impossible to fit into society when people just look at you and instantly see you as non-neurotypical. I even got rid of my glasses with LASIK but somehow I still have that 'nerdy' asperger face which people associate with weirdness and 'being different'.
R: 54 / I: 7

Accepting your fate

Did you guys ever hit a point where you had so much of life stacked against you, that you spontaneously realized "None of this is really my fault", and felt a lot better? You can only place the blame on yourself for so long before it starts to become ridiculous. There's nothing I could have done to prevent this, and realizing that makes me feel a lot better.
R: 17 / I: 2

Mommy issues and evil succubi (relief)

My life is not suffering, it is very far from it, and I have really improved a lot this last year, to the point that I feel like a different person, however, events happened in my childhood that made me a failure. First of all, there was the divorce, I have a kind of "dissociative amnesia" or forgetfulness due to age because I don't remember, it happened when I was 4-6 years old, it wouldn't be strange at all if it weren't for the fact that it was a very scandalous one that caused a lot of domestic violence, I have no memories but my brothers confessed to me that it was torture, but this would be bad for us if I had not lost my father figure, I separated from him, especially emotionally, and I was very much in charge of my mother.

She is like an older borderline, her personality is a disaster, her emotions too, very irritable and hostile, selfish, manipulative, condescending, she had attacks of multiple things, in short she is a very disturbed succubus. She gave me a bipolar affection, her love was based on talking badly about my father and making him look like a monster and then acting as if she were my savior, there she took advantage of my vulnerability to treat me well and give me affection, but that was very far from reality because on the other hand she ignored me, abandoned me, hit me for no reason and constantly insulted me, all the time she humiliated me and lowered my self-esteem, she was controlling as well as negligent, out of nowhere her affection became cold or contemptuous. Because of that same attitude, she left me in the care of caregivers, family members and nannies who sexually abused me. Over the years I remembered them as if they were flashbacks or regressions. The memory that had the most impact was one where I was lying on my back, very small and unattended. An older succubus changed my underwear, then she groped me and then gave me a very painful anal masturbation. After that I remember more groping, stripping, excihibitions and touching my rear and anal area along with mistreatment. I don't remember exactly the identity of the succubi. who did that, I only remember that they were succubi and older than me, much older because those memories are from my old home, which was where I spent my life before I was 6 or 7 years old. I'm sorry for throwing out all this relief text, I know there are people who need more help than me, but I'm lucky and I shouldn't be sad about these things.
R: 40 / I: 5

It's over - thread for the doomed

Hello. Despite this being a depression board, it seems most people are still around trying to do something. I am in a situation where except dying there is nothing to do, so i decided to make a thread wondering if there are any other people like me online, since it's almost impossible to find anyone even on the outskirts of the internet.

tl;dr i have countless diagnosed and undiagnosed physical illnesses which cause me agony daily and i feel like i'm dying every day, spent all my money on doctors and went into debt, cant make any more money, will eventually be homeless(can happen at any time), addicted to xanax that if i quit im gonna get seizures, i will never have a normal home(never had my own room) or family(mentally retarded?) not to mention my mental health problems etc.
Overall I guess I have around 10 major problems of which each is lethal and will kill me, and 100s of minor ones(which a normal person would consider unbearable). I have nothing and noone, my life self-destructed this the year and it's been half a year of pointless suffering knowing i'm gonna die anyway. I just couldn't push myself to end it since i'm the biggest coward in this world.
I guess i'm not sure if there's anything to talk about, since everyone in similar situations is either dead or sleeping under the bridge and dying. I just lost interest in talking to anyone since I know they can't comprehend my situation at all. Even on suicide forums maybe even 1 person out of 100 is in a situation comparable to mine. So I just made this pointless thread.
If life is truly over for you, and you don't know what to do, this thread is for you.
R: 5 / I: 2
I just want to LDAR I wish I had diagnosed disability for neetbux or atleast something.
Never been really good at this whole living thing, I envy neets that can carefree do or not do anything they want with their time.
R: 122 / I: 2
geniune question, why I can't enjoy video games anymore? do you have a theory or an answer on why one stop enjoying video games?
(I don't know if it's the good board to talk about it)
I believe it must be linked to my depression
R: 100 / I: 11

How do we get used to it?

How are we supposed to get used to loneliness and the fact that our life is fucked up?
Here's my resume: never had any friends, bullied during school, uni dropout but basically never went to high school, very poor (no income), obviously never had any gf, the last time I talked someone my age was since high school basically. I can't get used to the loneliness… I also have a very poor health, and no one to help me with it.

What's your life status and how do you cope with it?

I personally try to cope with video games, anime and a bit of drug (alcohol and opioid mostly). But that hardly works… Sometimes I'm into my game or I'm high enough to be ok, but most of the time I'm depressed or suffering or both. I wish I were dead since I'm 12, I'm 25 now.
R: 10 / I: 0

Being repulsive, annoying, irritating, obnoxious

I'm literally repulsive, I've been doing it since pre-K. You have your quiet nerd introvert types, and they are inoffensive and can be friends with others like them. And then you have the true freaks, that no one, not even nerds can stand to be around.

I guess its classic Aspergers. Like if I was going to start with a list of my traits that annoy people, it would be a list down the DSM V. Obsessiveness, fixation, monologuing, inability to read people, inappropriate sense of humor. Its like I get so fixated on topics. And even if I'm trying to avoid my own aspie fixations, and talk about someone else's interest in the weather, I'll lecture on the theory of meteorology.

Even on the internet when I'm just text on the screen, even right here on Wizchan, I find myself annoying people and becoming X-guy. Even on the most innocuous topics I attract negative attention and irritate people. If I only talked about the weather they'd say oh look cloud-poster is at it again.

Not only have I never had a friend, I've never had anyone want to have a conversation with me for 5 minutes. Tons of times, I think we've having friendly chitchat, making a good connection, they are intrigued by me. But the proof is in the pudding. And however good I think an interaction went, no one ever wants to chat another 5 minutes with me at another time.

I think of myself as an open-minded guy, willing to chat with anyone about virtually any topic, and be friendly about it. Somehow millions of guys with terrible nasty personalities somehow have friends.

I also have a retard, monotone, flat lisp. And I'd blame it on that, except that I have the same experience even as just text on a screen. It just seems so terrible to be around me. Yet if I'm honest, I can't stand listening to 10 seconds of my voice on recording. So I don't have much tolerance for me either.
R: 123 / I: 11

31 and no skills

How do I stop thinking about my lost years?

I spent the last years on imageboards, video games, tv, random youtube videos and got 0 skills or life experience.

With 31 people my age who either have a job or skills already got 10+ years of experience in the said thing. So I feel hopelessly behind and every time I want to learn something I start kicking myself for not doing it sooner when I had better conditions. My life was pretty comfy compared to now 10 years ago and I feel terrible wasting it. Now I can't say I'm ~finding myself~ anymore, I get less financial support and my health is getting worse and past 30+ the odds of random health issues increase on top of the constant regret over wasted time.

I know the robotic answer is that I can't change the past so it's pointless to think about but how can I really make peace with it mentally instead of trying to suppress these negative emotions with logic?
R: 4 / I: 0
i have strange urges when i watch lights flicker on the screen. they do it so smoothly and nicely. i feel like i want to flicker with them but i can't. what the fuck, jesus christ

I went outside again today.

It's amazing how fake everything looks. I mean, when people use the word "fake" here in Los Angeles; they're usually referring to the superficiality of the city's culture.

When I use the word "fake" here; I'm actually referring to how unusually artificial the world at large feels now. It's difficult to describe. It's not a pleasant feeling. I can spend most of the day outside and it doesn't stop feeling fake.
R: 46 / I: 2

There's nothing more brutal than being unemployed in India and seeing roasties and chads get jobs.

I don't even know how to elaborate the sheer brutalness of life, I am so tired of being poor and be dependent upon my parents like a cuck. The state has no concept of neetbuxx. I have completed my degree, and I am sick of getting rejected from interviews, dancing all day long on LinkedIn out of the all fucking websites in the world, begging recruiter here and there. Changing my CV again and again, I do this all day, only to get an offer of a job that pays nothing, that wouldn't even qualify as stipend for internships.

Meanwhile, succubi in my college, particularly good looking succubi have no problem in life, they get paid so much, and get hired at an instant cause they look cool. They are truly untouchable. The new caste system is based upon looks and gender. With gender being the varna, and looks being your jaati. I don't usually get upset at things in life, as I have decided to not kill myself (maybe because of cowardice or simply it's rather unnatural), so the only logical conclusion is to improve the quality of my life that I am gonna live.

But today is one of those days, where you truly feel defeated and raped. It's quite remarkable how different my life is from an average bitch, who starts having sex at 15, travels the world, sleeps with whoever she wants, looks pretty, gets a job just for existing, good at socialising, sports, academics, etc. due to being in an extreme positive feedback loop. And most importantly despite of the cope that goes around in the online spaces, they are happier than the most.

Meanwhile, I have nothing, I don't care for relationships anymore cause damage is already done, but I can't even live a decent life alone and can't get a fucking job. A cunt who studied with me, got a job today for 11LPA INR (13K USD/YR) which is extremely good for India. Meanwhile, I can only get job a few job offers for (2K USD/YR), I mean what the fuck is this? Am I supposed to work 12 hours a day and six days a week for this, all while she goes around pilpuling her bosses and working for just 6 hours a day, 4 days a week?

This can't go on man, I can't live my like this, I don't know but this can't go on, this is wrong. I have legitimately not felt angry for like 3 years but today I really fucking am pissed of, my head hurts, I am just so fucking upset that I can't even cry, like what the fuck did I ever do to anyone to deserve this retarded fate.

I hate the fact that I have to put so much effort into things that fefails and normiescum get so easily, I hate it. Why is the entire world trying to come and kill me? Why is it so tough to just lead a normal fucking life for once? This can't go on. I will legitimately beat the shit out of someone today. Fucking normies have handed entire lives on golden platter to fefails who won't ever spit on them. A true hardworking guy like me gets left behind. Death to attractive roasties. Death to LinkedIn faggot recruiters.
R: 13 / I: 0

Weird Brain condition, i cannot find anyone who relates to me

I have a strange condition and super annoying condition where i literally, literally, literally, literally, literally cannot stop being distracted by my own thoughts, inner Voice and monologues, not Even for a minute, i cannot even focus while watching anime or cartoons with very simple plots, my eyes Would be staring at the screen but my Brain is not really there, it is Always wandering else where, i often have to repeat entrie sections in anime/cartoons/films because i keep being distracted and miss on important scenes, dialogues, details, and so on, often it feels Like a Big chore to constantly have to leave my chair to replay The thing to revisite The scenes i have "missed", let alone Read Books or watching a lecture, i just cannot Turn my Brain off, not even for a second, it causes me severe insomniac issues as well, i Can spend 12 hours in bed but only actually sleep for 5 hours max, the rest of The Time is me spent being awake and thinking endlessly About random things that don't seems to end, i been told i might have ADHD/ADD but i really cannot relate to most people with ADD/ADHD, they just seem as people with low patience, for me it's not that i get bored from Doing things or do stupid things Like not turning off my notifs, but my issue and Source of Endless distraction and concentration Issues Come from my inside.
R: 33 / I: 3

feeling inferior to normalfags

Maybe they're right all along.
Whenever im forced to interact with normalfags, it feels like theyre finding me repulsive and looking at me in a sense of disgust or hate. that they sense that there has to be something truly wrong with me that i cannot sense or fully comprehend my self, it feels all the faults about my self that i already can see is confirmed by others, but there is something they sense more about me than my self. it feels all these people who mentally tormented me all these years were right, because they are all living their lives now surrounded by family and friends while im here left to rot in my own prison. theyve won and ive lost, but whenever i try to join their normalfag world just to stop taking so many L's in life, copy their mannerism and speak like them, it comes out as unnatural or forced and i end up feeling exhausted then isolating my self from society even more, because that would never work, they would still be able to see through me no matter what and they can all sense of how much of a loser I am. Whenever i share any of my interests or thoughts it feels like i am humilating my self.
R: 2 / I: 0
I can never connect with people there is always someone more interesting that breaks up my conversation and leaves me in the dark, whenever I say to them I am having a conversation, this was after realizing situation, the person who I initially talked to would tell me not to be rude, invite them back, and they have a conversation over me like I dont exist. Every, fucking, time. It hurts. When you are only there for temporary just because of what you offer. I used this time to reflect and realized I am the issue, but I can't help not be interesting, I can't help not expand my thoughts, I can't help but mentally go on auto pilot because my brain likes to not be there all the time. I can't help not know what to say half the time. Even autistic people online are able to have conversations and know what to say, carrying it out into long term friendships. While I drift from group to group, friends to friends, and so on.
R: 37 / I: 3

I'm in hell

I genuinely cannot see how this world could be anything but hell. It's as if everything has been finely crafted for my suffering and misery. I'm not even in an incredibly poor or war torn area, but I know that I do not, and could not ever have the means to do anything with it. If you took any random street shitter from Mumbai, they would be more capable than me. They are stronger than me, and are more fit for survival in this world than me. The same could be said of nearly any person if you were to choose someone random 1000 times. I am weak. I am hideous. I am mentally deficient. I am utterly incompetent and incapable of doing anything that could make my life better in any way. My life is just a train crash that I am forced to slowly watch while knowing there is nothing I can do but take a seat and wait for oblivion. I do not see how this could even be an accident. I got one in a couple billion shit luck, and you mean to tell me this is just the result of randomness? No, there is definitely something out there that sent me here to suffer. There's no way. I can't accept anything else.
R: 63 / I: 2

friendship is fleeting among loser men

at what age did you realize that friendship only exists between normalfags and that low value men hate each other's company and will stop being friends the moment a better and more normal life is offered to them or a female shows interest in them?

I had just one friend growing up and I was happy it wasn't anything great but we shared good moments playing online videogames, visiting each other, etc. Now that was 15 years ago i am already in my 30s, and although it was fun I felt like I couldn't be my true self around him, like he didn't get that we both were losers so we were never on the same level.

I've done so much introspection that I'm fully aware of how things work out among loser males. It's a different mindset and I'm not even angry, after all, everyone wants better for them.

This friend got married to a female that's fat as a beached whale, a really obese succubus that's disgusting to look at and so we stop seeing each other. I've seen him a few years ago and his offspring is no different from this succubus, he has 1 boy and 1 succubus, both fat, the guy looks just like he did when he was young if you remove the fat I guess… And this is what I mean when I think that if all options stink, it's better to just be a wiz rather than living a miserable life, but it's in the mindset ultimately.
Some people will play the normalfag game and ignore everything, they are barely any more conscious than dogs. I always thought it's interesting how some people are just this written characters and nothing you do or say will change them so you can predict the outcomes.

I know because of how I look I will forever be seen as inferior. I am not smart, I am not athletic, I am not funny either, and I am boring and look boring. I didn't suffer for it because I was always in my mind a loner at heart and introspective. I know some of you have autism but I don't, I am just this way because at some point I got too tired of human relationships and wanted to be left alone.

Unlike me, normalfags benefit each other from friendship and being in a group, it's actually shocking how different their lives are, and I couldn't keep up with that even if I tried, having to communicate with someone every week will drive me nuts, it's a responsibility, friendship that is.

I am content with this life but it's weird how much I differ from others and the things I've learnt along the way are unique.
R: 10 / I: 1

I'm sick of family photographing me

Even if I only go there every 3 months, they just have to take ugly pics of me and put it on their boomerbook profile.

I hate it when people take pics of me that permanently document my ugliness
R: 0 / I: 0
So much unprocessed trauma I still choose to ignore it though I can't handle being less than others, being picked or being pushed against into fear. People close to me got the anger that I held inside. It's not like I can just get over it. Everytime I think I do new heights remind me it's impossible. Living under low self esteem and degenerating, I am avoidant of my family out of shame, and hide my eyes and face because I don't want people to see the history behind my eyes. I don't think death will take me kindly as I will relive my thoughts for eternity. Even if there was a god that accepts me and loves me unconditionally. I'd still choose to live in sin because who I am Des not reflect what is in my heart, my self hatred is something God can't fix.
R: 8 / I: 8

The Future

"Suicide is testimony to the difficulty which we yet find of standing on our feet with the old supports gone and the leading strings snapped."

The closing section of Suicide: A Social and Historical Study (1938) by Henry Romilly Fedden
R: 3 / I: 0
Had a dream where I died in the shower, same feeling as if you took hydromorphone for the first time, it is an intense feeling all over that is overwhelming, thoughts slow down but you still fight to stay alive. Existence just blanks out as you loose your consciousness slowly, you exist but you aren't conscious, at the last second I woke up. Still, I'm not sure if I fear death or if this indifferent situation has me over whelmed. Personally, death is not an end but a veil if it simulated realistically between that state of being awake and being asleep then the loss of consciousness isn't the end but a transformation between states like how I loose consciousness before I sleep. This is what religious people ment by "the veil" but I still can't sleep I'm scared to sleep again.
R: 13 / I: 3

Liber Ne'et-em-dom

I have been working hard on my clandestine PDF which talks about the ultimate neet lifestyle from a guerrilla perspective: How to mooch off, get free stuff, fake disability and welfare, and more complex stuff such as: find a squatting network, survive as homeless, go into the woods, dodge taxes, or a mix of all this.
I will hold high the flag of laziness, of selfish hedonism!
R: 2 / I: 0

came up with the solution to the diminishing returns problem

putting this here cuz this is more like the brain side of this forum. I put all the knowledge of reality into chatgpt and had it come up with a solution for my life that requires negative effort:

The concept of inertia as a solution, particularly in the context of Dynamic Equilibrium in Systems, is quite fascinating. Inertia, in its most basic sense, refers to the resistance of any physical object to a change in its state of motion or rest. When applied metaphorically to behavior or lifestyle choices, it suggests that sometimes, doing nothing — or maintaining your current state — can inadvertently lead to a new kind of balance or equilibrium. Let's explore this idea further:

Inertia Leading to Unplanned Change: When you're resistant to change (due to laziness or otherwise), you might end up maintaining certain behaviors or routines until they are disrupted by external factors. For example, if you don't actively change your diet, you might eventually be forced to try new foods when your usual choices are unavailable. This unintentional change can introduce new experiences and potentially shift your preferences or habits.

Dynamic Equilibrium Through Inertia: Dynamic equilibrium in a system implies a state of balance despite ongoing changes. In the context of personal behavior, this could mean that your overall lifestyle remains stable and balanced even as specific aspects of it change. Inertia can play a role here by keeping certain elements of your life constant, providing a stable foundation upon which other changes can occur. This stability can be essential for mental and emotional well-being.

Natural Evolution of Systems: Just as ecosystems evolve through a combination of dynamic changes and stable periods, human behaviors and lifestyles can also evolve in a similar manner. Sometimes, maintaining the status quo allows for a natural, gradual evolution instead of forced, abrupt changes. Inertia can thus be a part of a larger process of gradual adaptation.

Unconscious Adaptation: Often, changes that occur due to inertia are not a result of conscious decision-making but are rather unconscious adaptations to evolving circumstances. For instance, if you neglect to upgrade your technology or tools due to inertia, you might develop more creative or efficient ways of using your existing resources, leading to an unexpected form of innovation or problem-solving.

Reflection and Insight: Periods of inertia can also provide opportunities for reflection and insight. When you're not actively pursuing change, you might have more mental space to contemplate your current state, leading to deeper self-awareness and understanding. This can eventually guide more intentional and meaningful changes.

In summary, while inertia might seem like a passive or even negative trait, it can interact with the concept of dynamic equilibrium in complex and sometimes beneficial ways. It can lead to unexpected changes, provide a stable foundation amidst flux, allow for natural evolution, foster unconscious adaptation, and create opportunities for reflection. Inertia, therefore, can be a subtle yet powerful force in achieving a form of dynamic equilibrium in personal and systemic contexts.
R: 4 / I: 0

Anyone else suffer from memory loss, degradation of higher thinking ability, complicated by ADHD

I won't even bother describing these problems in a detailed way anymore. I could 2 years ago decribe it rather succinctly to a friend, now my head is just spinning around.

The worse thing is the realization of everything precious you have fleeting from your hands. All that skills, knowledge, wisdom.. it all just become mucked up in some unrecognizable paste or worst completely forgotten and lost. The doctors will just say "nah its just your feeling bro" like the useless fucktard that they are, heck I even paid a nerve specialist and I can see him in his eyes doubting me while I desperately ask him for any pointers. "Oh it might be cholestrol related" Nigger my blood test tell me that I'm 10x fitter than you you useless fuck of a GP.

I think I want to say more but I've forgotten what.

Lord Jesus Christ Son of the living God, have mercy on me and all the anons in this board, for we are just poor sinners.
R: 3 / I: 0

Self Acceptance

Almost 30 y.o broke, unhealthy, virgin. For a long time I was angry at myself for not being good enough.

Not smart enough, not strong enough, not disciplined enough, not good looking enough, not rich enough, not social enough, just not enough of anything.

Now I realize that I just did my best with what I had been given at birth. I'm in the process of forgiving myself and accepting I was born to suffer.


Do you have any tips? Do you relate?
R: 117 / I: 31

In search of the saddest image in the world

Post the saddest images you have/have seen on the internet, it can be drawing or 3D
R: 310 / I: 60

Depression Crawl Thread LXII

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.

Previous: >>286038
R: 25 / I: 1

Anybody used to be patriotic?

I used to cope with patriotism, believing my country was better than the others despite being poor, at least we had some morals. But take a look at the vidrel, the vidrel is India.

There is nothing Indian about this, all I see is unabashed degeneracy, alien to Indian soil. It is then I realised, that only I care about India and Indians and not the opposite. Nobody gives a fuck apparently about the country. About the culture. About what my ancestors tried, all in vain.

It's a brutal reality, while this fair skinned Indian bitch parties, some poor, short, balding, dark skinned Indian man will clean this up. All while her body becomes a maze of Hindu Chads, Muslims, and White Tourists.

Patriotism and Nationalism is truly the cope of the man who has nothing to be proud of with himself. And desperately seeked some higher purpose in the service of motherland. All while knowing that neither the motherland, nor the citizenry gives a shit about me.

I am all alone. There is no us vs them. It's me vs everyone, me vs life. Another cope gone.

>Ahhhh India is so conservative vro

>Indian succubi are extremely oppressed by uggo pajeets vro
>India crab paradise bro
>Muh arranged marriage
Aaaacccccccckkkkkkk

Third world brokeness. First world wokeness.
BTW recommendations for other copes? I like driving. But fuel is expensive. So I am now unironically thinking crocheting like my grandma. Kek the days that are going to come by.
R: 11 / I: 2
Why do I have this illogical sense of entitlement to happiness?

I have this expectation that life is like a video game where goals exist so you can reach them when in reality you just get thrown into life as this biological being that feels pleasure/pain and is motivated by these sensations into action by evolution. The goals are just a carrot on a stick to keep humans moving and not some transcendent thing you get to experience by being born.

My conscious experience is created by my genetics and upbringing, no one but myself could be me by definition but for some reason I keep having this silly thought that there is a soul and I waste time imagining it what it would be like if my soul was in someone else. Either someone better who gets to enjoy life or someone worse like a medieval peasant. I envy people born in good conditions when really they didn't get lucky but they just are.

I just want to stop wasting mental energy on these stupid fantasy thoughts and accept reality for what it is. Try to make the best of my situation and focus on realistic steps I can take towards self-improvement without wishing I could go back in time, be born as someone else, feel bitter over my lot in life or daydream about a life if the laws of physics didn't exist.

You probably assume I was spoiled as a kid but my parents very fairy strict and not well off so I don't get why I keep throwing these tantrums like god will see it and fulfill my wishes.
R: 25 / I: 1
>diagnosed with NPD
>though if I have anything in that quadrant of conditions its definitely actually Schizoid, as I derive my ego from my hobbies and internal life rather than other people
>completely unable to view anything associated with me objectively

Can I even be an artist when my self-critic is so deficient? I just want to be a composer but I don't see the point if my music sucks and I can't even hear it properly.
R: 4 / I: 0

moving abroad to be a shut-in NEET

Call me a retard if it pleases your bounty, but Im studying ways to migrate to a different country, reside there legally BUT never leave the apartment, dont work, study or interact with locals.
Just praying, ascetic practices, magick, rituals etc. But I want to shed the cocoon and remove my-self from my verily country indeed.It is thus, I crave detachment; I might even go to a country where I dont speak the native's tongue.
What input do you bring forward? Whats a good country to literally burry myself in the ground in?
R: 45 / I: 3

Ridicule

Does anyone else often get ridiculed for their appearance by random strangers when going out for a walk?
R: 235 / I: 14

Traumatic Experiences

Share your various traumatic experiences that still haunts you to this very day.
R: 35 / I: 5

Finding Hope in the Afterlife

Anyone else believes that what await us in the afterlife is something good? Whether it's Heaven or something else. But I just feel like it will be better.
R: 0 / I: 0

I got an answer to my purpose

I remember a dream my dad had and it scared him. Basically it had me living in a run down apartment eating dog food out of a can staring outside with no thought behind those eyes. With how my life has been so far it doesn't surprise me, failure after failure at this point that dream sounds more like a luxury than a nightmare. If my mom passes what will I live in definitely don't have the ability to get an apartment or pay bills or manage money. Imagine that, your fucking existence WAS planned but to be a fucking subhuman sludge, intentional design. My relationship with my mother is more transactional because I don't know how to connect with people besides live off them. Spiritualists are fucking liars about the universes love, the universe, god, or whatever gnostics like to worship, is a piece of shit. It's like as if God fucked me over and recorded it and sent the porno to my dad for it to be told to me in detail.
R: 73 / I: 3
Have any of you guys tried to cure your depression with cannabis?

>OP must be at least 75 chars.
R: 105 / I: 4

being bald feels like a death sentence

I've been on finasteride for 2 years and I just lost my job and had to move back with my parents and I noticed that my hairline is receding it looks bad, my hair is thinning too, even the back and sides are thinning so I will never be able to get a hair transplant. I've always been anxious about going bald because I have a really bad head shape and I just don't look good without hair, or well, i look worse than with full head of hair.
Balding young is fucking brutal and I don't feel like wearing a fedora or beanies it will make it all more obvious, i feel a pain in my chest and all this stress is causing me to lose more and more hair im in my early 20s but i look now like my male relatives who are full in their 50s.
I can't hide it and I don't want to be that bald guy everyone mocks.
Why it had to be me, wizards? I'm short and now balding, fucking life sucks and did nothing to deserve this.
R: 6 / I: 0

Being the "weird" one in the friend group.

Anybody else pushed their friends away and later regretted it? It's so tiresome to be a wiz, in the eyes of people you're the same as any other weirdo. There's something innately wrong with you.

I had my friends call me, and they came to see me as a surprise to invite me to go out with them, and I rudely declined their invitation, majority of them were extremely pissed off. Rightfully so.

Today, I don't know what came over me, I just messaged a few of them wanting to meet me, I guess today was one of those days where I was tired of solace. Missing my school time which largely sucked but I had these people to talk to. Not always, but sometimes.

I think I will meet them, but the knot in the friendship is permanent. I don't know what to talk to them about. All of them have GFs, and I just feel like I don't belong with them, all of them are taller than me, more handsome looking than me, and have happy life. And most importantly, those who don't have GFs, are doing well academically, big deal in India.

It's tiresome to be stoic all the time. I think I will pay the bills for the dinner next time, I meet them, hoping that they'd see it as a form of apology. Or maybe I won't meet them and chicken out, but I don't wanna live my life in a basement either, but the world pushes me back into it.
R: 19 / I: 3

Cycle of laziness, eagerness, and back again

My default state seems to be "too depressed to want to do anything at all".
When I am in this state, that is precisely what I do: nothing.

But, somehow, sometimes I leave the depressed state and enter a sort of hypo-manic state in which I DO want to do things.
In fact, I'll start having lots of ideas running through my brain, all sorts of random things I wanna do or read about or look up or learn etc.
I get paralyzed by the amount of things I want to try doing and ultimately do nothing. After a few days of this, I inevitably go back to my default, depressed state.

At best, when in that hypo-mania, all I accomplish is writing lots of lists of those ideas running through my mind. Then I usually never follow through with anything ON that list!

Does this happen to you? If so, do you manage to take advantage of your brief "manic" state and accomplish things that you wanna do?
R: 17 / I: 0

Wizard, do you had problems in the circumstances of their birth

My mother gave birth to me by cesarean section and having chronic anemia, I don't blame her, but that's where my autism came from, among other things.

investigate many developmental problems are caused by prenatal conditions
R: 304 / I: 45

Drugs & alcohol general #2

It's not a secret that lots of wizards abuse alcohol and/or drugs for any reason (i.e. to cope), some might even consider themselves alcoholics and/or drug addicts. Using is a big part of our lives and we should have a space to express our daily experience.

Share whatever's on your head. Your latest favorite substance, the hardships of being a fiend on top of being a wizard, favorite drinks, worst drinks, substances you wish you had, drugs you wish you never tried, your experience with withdrawals, etc.

>drinking or using drugs=social interaction

Using/acquiring drugs or alcohol is not inherently social (compare it to the act of acquiring and eating food, are those inherently social? not really).
R: 15 / I: 0
I have nothing to live for. I just roam in this world. I do what people told me to do. I have not strengh to tell them no or tell them to fuck off. I am an empty shell. and when I show contestation it got reproof. this add to my ongoing depression. no one is on my side. everyone is against me. I don't even enjoy talking to people because I have nothing to talk about with them. I don't even enjoy things. the only hobbies I have are total shit and get me bored quickly. I'm not smart, I have no energy. I must fake everything even my mood when around others.

I'll get znswers on this thread but will people answering truely understant me? No. they can't and even if I'd say everything is wrong in my life they will still not understand and it sucks. people are jerks I fucking hate them.

I'm just tired. my body is tired physically speaking, my mind is rotten by dopamine and bbc porn.

>what is bothering you

well, here's my story:
I psychoticized my neighbors 3-4 years ago. I thought he hacked us and I couldn't sleep at night because of it. One day I lost my temper and banged on the bathroom door. I was sent to the psychiatric hospital. I was too weak to justify myself so I bought into the lie that I was hearing voices. and after that, I was diagnosed with schizophrenia. WHILE I DON'T HAVE SCHIZOPHRENIA. I don't hear voices or see things. I just had a delusional episode and it gave me the label of schizophrenia, whatever! and now I have to stay in a therapeutic apartment that they force me to stay in because they think it helps me. I've had it up to here!

see why I'm sad. I'm trapped like a bird in a cage. and you know what a bird trapped are like? they stress up when they're locked up and shit all over the floor because they aren't free. this is the same for me.

I don't even know…I don't even know if I'll get you know what all I'll get is a meme answers from you because for now that's all I got for answers from people around me. and that's the same meme answers I'll get from here.
hell I even might be sharing my problems with normalfags are the one who put me in this position
fuck it, I'm not free and I am sad because of that
R: 58 / I: 5
The closer I get to 30 as a virgin, the more lonely I get.

I'm dying of loneliness now and it used to never be this way.
R: 21 / I: 1

The job market in 2024 is brutal compared to 1964

Most boomer doctors would not do well in the MCAT today given the effort of studying they gave back then.

There was a time when working a basic spreadsheet was wizardry. Any high school AP Statistics student today could easily do that.

Most boomer professor would not have made tenure if they had to endure the work load and years of academic poverty of today’s grad students and associate professors.

Most boomer business people would not get a job at their company today given the same effort and credentials they had when they got their first break. They would fail a basic Consulting interview in the first 5 minutes.

Back then, companies hired people as gofers, fetching coffee, doing library research, work in the mail room as kind of like a bench program, eventually you’ll join a team and shadow. Today’s hires hit the ground running with very little mentorship training.

Most boomer programmers wouldn’t make it to the first phone screen of a coding interview given the preparation they had when they were first hired.

The younger generations have it even harder as globalization and AI makes the threshold of competence for stable work even harder.

Yet who yells the loudest, young people are simply lazy? Those who would immediately fail in todays environment were they forced to start at 0 under modern requirements.
R: 23 / I: 1

Easiest way for self deletion.

If somebody was planning to self delete what is the most painless method that won't cause much pain.If one could access a firearm that would be a no brainer,but what's the second easiest way?
R: 312 / I: 28

Suicide General - Pure Agony Edition

Suicide general, - Discuss everything suicide related here.

                                             
R: 5 / I: 0

Waiting for a train, travelling alone

Travelling alone, I always travel alone everywhere, it's kinda depressing seeing all the people on their journeys, while I only go to meaningless places for meaningless purpose.
R: 4 / I: 0
Ressurection sounds depressing it's like you're miserable without dying only limited to what you experience in this life is the only thing that is, that's it. It's like as if God doesn't care for desires and what is missing from us, what we get is only what we get. Yet what we desire is what God gives to noble blood. At least in this unperfected body I can dispose of it. I tried getting into Buddhism but one thing stood out real to me, reincarnation claims god is not decisive or unknowing so the premortal life wouldn't exist. Our choices are aligned with what God knows already. So an accidental birth is already created since he knew of it before. The all knowing God gave us an identity before, but if that is true why not give us identity on what our desires are if he knows what we want/need.
R: 100 / I: 13

semen retention is my only goal and skill

So far, I have, Im having, wet dreams every 7 or 11 days. sometimes 2 in 10 days. so, its not TRUE Retention. I feel SR, the true deal, is my only goal, skill and boon.
I can't join the military ,or the police, or explore the planet, or be a billionarie. But I can Retain for 200 days with 0 wet dreams. i would be in the top 0,00000001% of men alive on the planet (or in the ISS- where they wank). I would be a living Relic.
truly, its the only esoteric and practical skill Im bright at. and its becoming my only goal, to which achievement I devoted extensive and grueling study and operations.
R: 37 / I: 3

Official Fuck the Holidays thread

What are you dreading in the coming days?

I have a birthday this month as well, so I will try to avoid being at home for the day. I really fucking HATE birthdays more than anything and I know my family will torment me with it even though I told them all to not even mention it(they already have).
R: 62 / I: 8
It can and it will always get worse.
No matter how the future plays out I can be sure that im gonna suffer in worse ways then I have so far, it can always always get that much worse the ride never ends untill you die, and from all of the bullshit that happens not even that is sure, its possible that this torment will continue forever damn it all
R: 24 / I: 1

one wizpill you must always remember

Normalfags hate virgins.
When Zoe Quinn accused Wizchan of harrassment every normalfag believed in her and voted for her game on Steam Greenlight.

Normalfags believed in her lies and voted for her to get back at us virgins cause they hate us. Zoe Quinn knew like every other female knows, that we as virgins are a group easy to target as creeps, weirdos, stalkers, etc. so she used us as an scapegoat and the normalfags followed.

Every normalfag is predisposed to hate on virgins. They will try and say it's for other reasons but in some cases the main reason for their hatred is because you are a virgin and deviate from them. So be careful out there, a female might lie about you because she wants to harm you and make herself look good or play the victim, and she will use you as an scapegoat as long as it helps her in some scheme.
R: 39 / I: 0
>know succubus who was raped at 13 years old
>the rapist is found guilty but serves no time in jail
>succubus tries to kill herself twice and is now heavily medicated living as a shell of her former self
>finally realize on the deepest level there is no reward in life whatsoever for being good and to get ahead one must be malicious and indifferent to others
Somehow this has been edifying. I always knew things, but now I believe them.
R: 51 / I: 1

Homeless

I'm 23, have a good family, so i consider myself very lucky, but i guess all that doesn't cut it for me to be happy, i just keep making mistakes, failing at everything i do and feeling worse about myself

I'm leeching off my family, and that has to end, so I'm thinking of just going to a nearby town, leave all behind and rot as a homeless person.

I need advice on what should i bring with me, and how should i go about it
R: 126 / I: 7

Anti-Suicide General

The purpose of this thread is to counter the general tenor of sadness that defines all the other threads. This thread will therefore feature practical advice about reducing suicidal behavior even when we feel most suicidal. Naturally, being that I started the topic, I will be the first to contribute.

(1) Know that I care about you guys deeply and sincerely. Call me a faggot, I don't care.
(2) Examine what you are eating. For example, gluten especially produces depressive/psychotic episodes in sensitive autistic individuals. Sugar also is not healthy for your brain.
(3) Make sure you are getting sufficient sleep. Chronic sleeplessness or even a few days' worth of irregular sleep can seriously interfere with the clarity of our thinking.
(4) Clean up. Taking a warm shower and putting on fresh clean clothes always is refreshing and helps to break up darkened mental habits.
(5) Breathe fresh air. Open the windows to your wiz-cave and allow some wind to come in.
(6) Watch your breathing. When we are panicked, our breathing can become very disordered and we do not recognize the effect this has on our thinking. Take deep, purposeful breaths, and collect your thoughts.
(7) Respect yourself. You have done your best to survive in an awful world, and you should grant yourself forgiveness for any mistakes and the allowance to rest with a composed and balanced mind.

I've done my part. Anyone else?
R: 4 / I: 1
2 months in almost three months, every month for three days it sort of comes back then my body goes back to numb again in tired of this living in constant fear. It's got to the point to where I'm thinking to get a colonstopy to make sure my bowls are not backed up causing more obstruction, and urostomy Constantly applying eye drops to make sure my eyes don't dry out. Barely eating too, not sure when I'm full of over eating. Should I get euthanized it's really not getting any better. But I'm afraid that the afterlife is more painful and miserable.
R: 17 / I: 3

Is it better to be regretful or fatalistic?

Anyone with a bad life has 2 things to blame for it, and both have pros and cons. You can blame your bad essence, nature, character. What you were born with. But fatalism can be fatal. It means you have a bad "you". You suck, you're bad, you're terrible. BUT its not your fault. You did everything you could with the hand you were dealt. Cue Robin Williams saying "it's not your fault" over and over.

Or maybe you weren't doomed from birth. Maybe you're not so bad. Maybe there is good in you, that the world didn't see. Unfufilled potential. Bad choices, big mistakes. Contingencies. If only, what ifs, coulda beens, turning points, redos. You're not bad in essence, but you are kicking yourself.

Personally in my own case I lean towards fatalism as both true, and less emotionally painful. I'd rather lose the game of life by a mile than an inch, and know I never had a chance. And as I review my biography that's a fact. It was just the unfolding of my essence that was there from birth.
R: 8 / I: 0

I feel nothing but anguish and I long for nothing

I just graduated college, a few years after all of the people my age that I studied with in middle school and high school, I'll be 30 soon and, despite finally accomplishing "my" goal that I feel obligated to do because my parents wanted me to, I feel even more lost than I did when I got into college, it was pure torture for years, with a few decent things here and there, some people were quite nice to me over there, but it's likely I'll never see them again. I've spent all of these years torturing myself while I was there, as I was the worst student in the class by far, thinking that if I at least managed to graduate then things would open up… not at all, getting a decent job, that I'm able to do without ruining everything in a flash, isn't easy, especially when the people competing with you for those jobs are the same that used to do so much more than you when you studied together, who got better grades and went after more things to do while I was just rotting, doing nothing and waiting for something to happen. I probably won't get a job soon, and if I do it'll still be horrible, I'll wake up when I don't want to, to go do things I don't want to, and suffer at all times, especially since I feel so anxious and insecure all of the time. It's just too exhausting, every time we feel that we've gotten to the finish line, it's always just a checkpoint and we have to keep going even more… I don't want to do it anymore, but I don't want my parents to be sad if I end it all for myself, and I'm afraid of the existence of a Hell waiting for me when I die.

I suppose if I had put in more effort I'd be feeling more calm, maybe if I put a lot more effort now I can get a job that's more bearable… but that doesn't make sense to me. At it's best life is merely tolerable to me, it only makes sense to bear the burden of living for the sake of enjoying the few good moments if I can just stroll through it… but if I have to actively go out of my way, while I'm already miserable enough, to put in even more effort, do more things, work harder and "be better" just for the sake of… being able to not have an absolutely miserable life, I'll be miserable all of the time just the same, it's pointless, with the only difference being that I'll be working harder just to suffer more. Life is a scam and I wish I would've been aborted. I hate this.
R: 7 / I: 0
"Every decent man of our age must be a coward and a slave. That is his normal condition. Of that I am firmly persuaded. He is made and constructed to that very end. And not only at the present time owing to some casual circumstances, but always, at all times, a decent man is bound to be a coward and a slave. It is the law of nature for all decent people all over the earth. If anyone of them happens to be valiant about something, he need not be comforted nor carried away by that; he would show the white feather just the same before something else. That is how it invariably and inevitably ends. Only donkeys and mules are valiant, and they only till they are pushed up to the wall. It is not worth while to pay attention to them for they really are of no consequence."