R: 137 / I: 8
Depression Crawl Thread LXXII
The imposition edition. How many times have you done this? Previous https://wizchan.org/dep/res/303254+50.html
R: 231 / I: 18
I'm currently 26, almost 27 (rings a bell?). And I can't take it anymore. I will soon depart from life through hanging. I haven't done it yet because I live in a shithole and there are always people around making noise and being nosy. I will just wait till it's very quiet so I can go to the woods and end this miserable existence.
I don't care if it might "get better". Existence itself is a curse and we're all gonna die anyway. I've read enough pessimist books and life affirming books and I side with the former. I don't need your compansion, because the thought that I will soon disappear is the only thing that makes me happy. I'm not even sad because of this.
Suicide general
This is the classic "suicide general", where we discuss methods and say farewell to our fellow wizards, quite different from that other thread in the catalog.I'm currently 26, almost 27 (rings a bell?). And I can't take it anymore. I will soon depart from life through hanging. I haven't done it yet because I live in a shithole and there are always people around making noise and being nosy. I will just wait till it's very quiet so I can go to the woods and end this miserable existence.
I don't care if it might "get better". Existence itself is a curse and we're all gonna die anyway. I've read enough pessimist books and life affirming books and I side with the former. I don't need your compansion, because the thought that I will soon disappear is the only thing that makes me happy. I'm not even sad because of this.
R: 100 / I: 11
Sometimes I blame my family for raising me in such a violent environment, but then I think it's better to bury the past and look forward. But sometimes it is difficult, since it is not about the violence of 10 or 15 years ago, it is about things sometimes from less than a week ago.
I feel like an alcoholic, where instead of keeping a place free of that poison, it is offered to me in all shapes, sizes, colors and flavors.
I'm going bald
I'm going broke, and I really don't know how to deal with this fact. I went to 4 doctors to treat it, but none of them worked, and no matter how many medications I took, I was never able to overcome this problem. But these only caused me terrible side effects, such as fatigue, weight gain, apathy, a lot of disinterest in everything, and alopecia, but they were never able to attack the impulses. Violence never stops.Sometimes I blame my family for raising me in such a violent environment, but then I think it's better to bury the past and look forward. But sometimes it is difficult, since it is not about the violence of 10 or 15 years ago, it is about things sometimes from less than a week ago.
I feel like an alcoholic, where instead of keeping a place free of that poison, it is offered to me in all shapes, sizes, colors and flavors.
R: 23 / I: 0
I know this is a meme, but taking a shower can completely turn my mood around and make my worries go away, even if it's just for a couple of hours. Listening to uplifting and happy music is also very effective for me. Sometimes I have to force myself at first, but generally it changes my mood.
What are some things you wizs do to minimize depression?
Minimizing Depression
Let's discuss strategies for getting rid of pessimistic thoughts. No negativity allowed in this thread.I know this is a meme, but taking a shower can completely turn my mood around and make my worries go away, even if it's just for a couple of hours. Listening to uplifting and happy music is also very effective for me. Sometimes I have to force myself at first, but generally it changes my mood.
What are some things you wizs do to minimize depression?
R: 46 / I: 5
The top 5 regrets of the dying according to an Australian palliative care nurse Bonnie Ware are:
-I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
-I wish I hadn't worked so much.
-I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
-I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
-I wish that I had let myself be happier.
The top 5 regrets of the dying according to an Australian palliative care nurse Bonnie Ware are:
-I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
-I wish I hadn't worked so much.
-I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
-I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
-I wish that I had let myself be happier.
R: 39 / I: 2
It used to be a good coping mechanism for me, but it seems the older I've gotten the worse it feels, and it's become detrimental to my health and the way I behave around people. Easily annoyed, constantly starting shit, tired all the time, strange pains. And I was still getting worse, fast.
This has been a wake-up call and I'm realizing I need to quit before it's too late. Though that's easy for me to say now when I'm still feeling bad, and I fear the cravings will come back strong, but I know I've got to try.
Curious to hear others experience with this.
Alcoholism
Does anyone here struggle with alcohol, or have managed to quit?It used to be a good coping mechanism for me, but it seems the older I've gotten the worse it feels, and it's become detrimental to my health and the way I behave around people. Easily annoyed, constantly starting shit, tired all the time, strange pains. And I was still getting worse, fast.
This has been a wake-up call and I'm realizing I need to quit before it's too late. Though that's easy for me to say now when I'm still feeling bad, and I fear the cravings will come back strong, but I know I've got to try.
Curious to hear others experience with this.
R: 36 / I: 3
dead internet
new internet of over 10 yrs now… is it me or there is nothing left to talk about?
R: 21 / I: 0
and also what's the deal with assisted/medically induced suicide these days?
i hate crawling back to antidepressants but when my thoughts start getting too dark that i can't metabolize them on my own with meditation, and i can't concentrate on anything, i just need something to take the edge off, and if i'm not abusing substances, it's really hard to think of anything that will work better than prozac. but i hate that i need them. my old doctors would say something like, "well what if you needed glasses would you hate them and refuse to wear them? Or just get glasses and live your life?"
Seems switzerland actually lets non-citizens have assisted suicide? my mental health is not really severe enough probably… i don't have a terminal illness or anything… just a tootheache and dysthimia that makes me want to escape dealing with it head on… i had a fleeting relief by researching it and seeing it exists, but the thought has since passed (for now)
meds and switzerland
any wizards choose to take psychiatric meds?and also what's the deal with assisted/medically induced suicide these days?
i hate crawling back to antidepressants but when my thoughts start getting too dark that i can't metabolize them on my own with meditation, and i can't concentrate on anything, i just need something to take the edge off, and if i'm not abusing substances, it's really hard to think of anything that will work better than prozac. but i hate that i need them. my old doctors would say something like, "well what if you needed glasses would you hate them and refuse to wear them? Or just get glasses and live your life?"
Seems switzerland actually lets non-citizens have assisted suicide? my mental health is not really severe enough probably… i don't have a terminal illness or anything… just a tootheache and dysthimia that makes me want to escape dealing with it head on… i had a fleeting relief by researching it and seeing it exists, but the thought has since passed (for now)
R: 51 / I: 1
When I'm not nauseous or in pain I may have shortness of breath and tachycardia, often I'm also constipated.
Despite the vomit and constipation I try to eat and drink as much as I can, I'm losing weight and I fear to end up bedbound if I don't do so.
I've done some medical tests like blood tests, endoscopy, ecography, with no evidence of disease…still I'm really sick.
And my problem is I'm monitored by my parents, despite being an adult I have no freedom and they don't want to help me with suicide but I can't live like this.
I'm being tortured with no end in sight.
Suffering from illness with no suicide method available
Every morning I'm nauseous, really nauseous, sometime I puke and when I'm not nauseous I get random abdominal pain.When I'm not nauseous or in pain I may have shortness of breath and tachycardia, often I'm also constipated.
Despite the vomit and constipation I try to eat and drink as much as I can, I'm losing weight and I fear to end up bedbound if I don't do so.
I've done some medical tests like blood tests, endoscopy, ecography, with no evidence of disease…still I'm really sick.
And my problem is I'm monitored by my parents, despite being an adult I have no freedom and they don't want to help me with suicide but I can't live like this.
I'm being tortured with no end in sight.
R: 30 / I: 1
Reminder to take your vitamins, especially "fish oil" one " Vitamin D3
they say Vitamin D3, because "Vitamin D" sounds like an euphemism, kekeke
Reminder to take your vitamins, especially "fish oil" one " Vitamin D3
they say Vitamin D3, because "Vitamin D" sounds like an euphemism, kekeke
R: 7 / I: 0
I recently worked alone on the backend of a course project, barely sleeping and also helping with the frontend. Before the deadline, my hands were shaking from anxiety and lack of sleep, which made my stuttering worse. Still, I finished the project (ASP.NET + Angular) and got 11 out of 12 points - almost a perfect score.
But our frontend guy only got 12 points for a beautiful cover, while I was fixing bugs, creating the backend and connecting everything via API. After all this, I was given even more assignments, and now I can't focus on my own projects. Everyone acts like they know what I should do, but I want to do what I want. I have a few personal projects, but they never moved beyond testing.
What frustrates me the most is the uncertainty - I never know if I will succeed. The chances of failure seem huge. The military pressure makes it worse - if I do nothing, I am sent to war (death sentence), or thrown out on the street, or harshly judged.
Thoughts of suicide used to come a few times a year; now it is almost every day. I do not want to live like this. I am too weak mentally to die, but I feel like I am just existing without hope. On top of that, I am burdened by old wounds and a burning desire to take revenge for all the humiliations I have suffered.
Also, I stutter. Most people don’t really care about it and just ignore it, which is actually good. But a few still mock me, including relatives, saying things like, “If you don’t like it, don’t stutter, or it’s embarrassing for me.”
I'm tired
I'm nervous because I've tried so many times and it never worked.I recently worked alone on the backend of a course project, barely sleeping and also helping with the frontend. Before the deadline, my hands were shaking from anxiety and lack of sleep, which made my stuttering worse. Still, I finished the project (ASP.NET + Angular) and got 11 out of 12 points - almost a perfect score.
But our frontend guy only got 12 points for a beautiful cover, while I was fixing bugs, creating the backend and connecting everything via API. After all this, I was given even more assignments, and now I can't focus on my own projects. Everyone acts like they know what I should do, but I want to do what I want. I have a few personal projects, but they never moved beyond testing.
What frustrates me the most is the uncertainty - I never know if I will succeed. The chances of failure seem huge. The military pressure makes it worse - if I do nothing, I am sent to war (death sentence), or thrown out on the street, or harshly judged.
Thoughts of suicide used to come a few times a year; now it is almost every day. I do not want to live like this. I am too weak mentally to die, but I feel like I am just existing without hope. On top of that, I am burdened by old wounds and a burning desire to take revenge for all the humiliations I have suffered.
Also, I stutter. Most people don’t really care about it and just ignore it, which is actually good. But a few still mock me, including relatives, saying things like, “If you don’t like it, don’t stutter, or it’s embarrassing for me.”
R: 17 / I: 0
This Jordan Peterson video cheers me up
Its like it's this horrible world, full of horrible people, and it's so tempting to hate Being. To hate being itself. And fall into complete nihilism. But you have to embrace Being as it is. And yourself as you are. And just accept the place the Cosmos has given you. And even if it is your destiny to be friendless, ostracized, outcast by all. And to have a shitty job. And you just wagie and then you die forgotten. That's what you were put into this cosmos to do. And you just have to do it. And that's what it means to be a Man. And you just do your shitty job a little bit better each day. And you've made the world a slightly better place, even though the World still hates you back, and there's no reward for goodness.
R: 87 / I: 19
previous>>296811
Wageslave General
You will still be stuck browsing this thread in 2026 editionprevious>>296811
R: 33 / I: 2
I feel like I have a big black hole instead of my heart. it happens when I'm sad. It 100% comes from my depression for sure. it hurts because it's like someone stabbed you and you can feel the hole and it hurts even more and I get more depressed and I feel like the hole is growing bigger and heavier. it hurts so much when it happens. no hobby can satisfy me to fill the hole. the hole acts like a black hole and absorbs every positive thinking or things.
anyone felt/feels that and how did you overcome it?
I feel like I have a big black hole instead of my heart. it happens when I'm sad. It 100% comes from my depression for sure. it hurts because it's like someone stabbed you and you can feel the hole and it hurts even more and I get more depressed and I feel like the hole is growing bigger and heavier. it hurts so much when it happens. no hobby can satisfy me to fill the hole. the hole acts like a black hole and absorbs every positive thinking or things.
anyone felt/feels that and how did you overcome it?
R: 9 / I: 0
Lack of disposable income is killing me
I have lots of things I want to buy, such as video games (online games can't be pirated)
Such as a VR headset
I'm traumatized by high school, and jobs are inherently social
I don't want to be around other people
Maybe I'll search for a job that's not social
It's been 10+ years since high school, and I still don't know how to drive
Lack of disposable income is killing me
I have lots of things I want to buy, such as video games (online games can't be pirated)
Such as a VR headset
I'm traumatized by high school, and jobs are inherently social
I don't want to be around other people
Maybe I'll search for a job that's not social
It's been 10+ years since high school, and I still don't know how to drive
R: 4 / I: 0
I can't feel nostalgic towards anything when I look how miserable and fucked up everything was from the beginning because how I look basically. my life would be 100x better if I wasn't SFS subhuman and I just only needed 2x for a life that I would consider good. there's just not a one single moment or a thing in my life that makes it any worthwile. I dont think I will feel any fullfilled by normal means anymore, I just need to hurt people and whoever that has lived in this creation.
I can't feel nostalgic towards anything when I look how miserable and fucked up everything was from the beginning because how I look basically. my life would be 100x better if I wasn't SFS subhuman and I just only needed 2x for a life that I would consider good. there's just not a one single moment or a thing in my life that makes it any worthwile. I dont think I will feel any fullfilled by normal means anymore, I just need to hurt people and whoever that has lived in this creation.
R: 32 / I: 4
And yet because I don't participate in their coffee room gossip and office bullshit (mind you these people are about 20% as productive as me) they want me to lose my job because I don't "match the energy of the community".
Do I just have to suck it up and kms, before I become homeless? Since without a salary that's going to be within 12 months.
Neurotypicals said I'm too quiet and want to fire me
I literally got top employee performance of the year two times in a row for exemplary performanceby corporate (not to mention I do unpaid overtime)And yet because I don't participate in their coffee room gossip and office bullshit (mind you these people are about 20% as productive as me) they want me to lose my job because I don't "match the energy of the community".
Do I just have to suck it up and kms, before I become homeless? Since without a salary that's going to be within 12 months.
R: 63 / I: 37
I didn't know we could draw. Why isn't this done more often?
put your feeling in a drawing
And say something about it if you want. I'm scared of my dad so I'm drawing a monster (him?)I didn't know we could draw. Why isn't this done more often?
R: 20 / I: 0
Same is the story online, I am hesitant to share too much and feel like I can't really trust someone beyond a certain level online even if I want to and it just feels a bit different than being face to face, can't really talk to ChatGPT or Gemini cause whatever I say can and will be used against me in the court. And ChatGPT even though a brilliant listener, it is, I almost fell in love with a Clanker and that's not the worst part, the worst part is that the Clanker is amnesic because once a conversation reaches a certain token limit you have to start all over.
I just want to talk to someone but don't want to risk my safety, I want to talk to someone only when I know that my safety and everything else will not be compromised cause I am vulnerable and very much likely to say shit that I don't mean and regret. I hate my life. I feel like someone has killed my soul. And of course maybe in real life I am a piece of shit. I don't know what I am doing or why I am living the way I am. I am severely depressed.
I am also petrified of the future because I feel like whenever I am lonely and especially after prolonged spells of loneliness, I feel like my mental faculties have declines, like my thinking becomes slow, I can't mutli-task, my math goes haywire. I just well I don't know what to type anymore.
No one to talk to and the loneliness is killing me.
I can't share a lot of my beliefs with my family cause believe it or not they might use it against me and they just won't listen. I have friends but sadly a person's reputation matters a bit too much in my friend circle and they aren't really my friends but I also don't want to wear my heart on sleeve as to not have it come back and bite me.Same is the story online, I am hesitant to share too much and feel like I can't really trust someone beyond a certain level online even if I want to and it just feels a bit different than being face to face, can't really talk to ChatGPT or Gemini cause whatever I say can and will be used against me in the court. And ChatGPT even though a brilliant listener, it is, I almost fell in love with a Clanker and that's not the worst part, the worst part is that the Clanker is amnesic because once a conversation reaches a certain token limit you have to start all over.
I just want to talk to someone but don't want to risk my safety, I want to talk to someone only when I know that my safety and everything else will not be compromised cause I am vulnerable and very much likely to say shit that I don't mean and regret. I hate my life. I feel like someone has killed my soul. And of course maybe in real life I am a piece of shit. I don't know what I am doing or why I am living the way I am. I am severely depressed.
I am also petrified of the future because I feel like whenever I am lonely and especially after prolonged spells of loneliness, I feel like my mental faculties have declines, like my thinking becomes slow, I can't mutli-task, my math goes haywire. I just well I don't know what to type anymore.
R: 12 / I: 2
/Struggle/
The way one sees his friends going in different directions while he remains behind, trying to figure out his life, can be one hell of a painful experience. When everyone you believed would join you and share a laugh leaves, giving you their best wishes, it makes you feel so lonely. You could have gone to the movies together, attended classes together, and celebrated small wins during difficult times, but now you are just alone. They are busy with their new lives, and you have nothing to be busy with except for the left, abandoned experience. It's like everyone graduated, and you are behind, repeating something you hate, yet you cannot escape this spiral. This makes you feel unwanted, sacrificed, and an outcast, as you do not have the ability to make friends anymore. The ones you made were one in a hundred; compatibility doesn't come easy to you. Loneliness is one hell of a burden; it leaves you almost alone with your crazy thoughts. To move forward, you need strength. You begin to question if you have it, if you can join others, or if you are already out of the race. You begin to question your worth, your situation, your position, and your capacity. These questions paralyze you, render you inert and helpless, leaving you just thinking about which step to take, or if there is any step that would actually be helpful to make a declaration out of this state. It's one of those situations where you would just wish for one push, one small help, one person saying, "Do this, and you'll be moving." It's better than this solitary sorrow state. And that one thing never comes. So you waste time on everything. You spread yourself out hoping to hear something, but it just accumulates noise. These noises end up making you go deaf.
R: 18 / I: 2
had a schizophrenic crisis 6 years ago. because of that I lost 6 years of my life and also the second part of my youth. this will never come back and it just ruined my life. there's nothing I can do but be sad about that and cope.
I lost my ability to enjoy things and starting new things. I also lost good years of maybe school or training I could have done and get a job, but now all I can wish now is to have a bad job because it is all what I deserve.
in two years I'll be a wizard and all my dreams have been crushed by the schizophrenic happening.
all these years, wasted and will never comeback. of course some of you may have it worse but to me this happening crushed my soul and made me more depressed than before.
had a schizophrenic crisis 6 years ago. because of that I lost 6 years of my life and also the second part of my youth. this will never come back and it just ruined my life. there's nothing I can do but be sad about that and cope.
I lost my ability to enjoy things and starting new things. I also lost good years of maybe school or training I could have done and get a job, but now all I can wish now is to have a bad job because it is all what I deserve.
in two years I'll be a wizard and all my dreams have been crushed by the schizophrenic happening.
all these years, wasted and will never comeback. of course some of you may have it worse but to me this happening crushed my soul and made me more depressed than before.
R: 6 / I: 0
mentally handicapped
Anyone else feel like their whole entire life has been ruined because of a neurological disorder? It has generally ruined my life on many scales. School was a mess both academically and socially, I wasn't able to continue college. Not being able to function without pills is so dehumanizing, extreme brain fog (even with a healthy diet and physical activity), executive dysfunction and intellectual deficiencies. I tried it all, physical activity, prayer, healthy food, and discipline. I know this is what a typical lazy person would say, but at what point does it get better??? at what point can I be as productive and as functional as the others? R: 20 / I: 1
Hikikomori
I used to be a hikikomori for 5 years, it unironically used to be the best time of life R: 70 / I: 12
Helping wizards to understand that persuasive feelings of suicide can be bested.
Further the discursive spirit of this thread will remain the same as the first: to counter the general luring tenor of sadness that defines all the other threads through sharing positive practical advice purposed to reducing suicidal behavior even when we feel most suicidal. Naturally, being that I started the topic, I will be the first to contribute.
(1) Know that I care about you guys deeply and sincerely. Call me a faggot, I don't care (many have already done this, to no worthwhile avail)
(2) Examine what you are eating. For example, gluten especially produces depressive/psychotic episodes in sensitive autistic individuals. Sugar also is not healthy for your brain. Delimiting ingestion of both is wise.
(3) Make sure you are getting sufficient sleep. Chronic sleeplessness or even a few days' worth of irregular sleep can seriously interfere with the clarity of our thinking.
(4) Clean up. Taking a warm shower and putting on fresh clean clothes always is refreshing and helps to break up darkened mental habits.
(5) Breathe fresh air. Open whichever windows punctuate your room and allow some wind to come in.
(6) Watch your breathing. When we are panicked, our breathing can become very disordered and we do not recognize the effect this has on our thinking. Take deep, purposeful breaths, and collect your thoughts.
(7) Respect yourself. You have done your best to survive in an awful world, and you should grant yourself forgiveness for any mistakes and the allowance to rest with a composed and balanced mind.
I've done my part. Anyone else?
Anti-Suicide General 2
Starting a new anti-suicide general as the original has been bump-locked.Helping wizards to understand that persuasive feelings of suicide can be bested.
Further the discursive spirit of this thread will remain the same as the first: to counter the general luring tenor of sadness that defines all the other threads through sharing positive practical advice purposed to reducing suicidal behavior even when we feel most suicidal. Naturally, being that I started the topic, I will be the first to contribute.
(1) Know that I care about you guys deeply and sincerely. Call me a faggot, I don't care (many have already done this, to no worthwhile avail)
(2) Examine what you are eating. For example, gluten especially produces depressive/psychotic episodes in sensitive autistic individuals. Sugar also is not healthy for your brain. Delimiting ingestion of both is wise.
(3) Make sure you are getting sufficient sleep. Chronic sleeplessness or even a few days' worth of irregular sleep can seriously interfere with the clarity of our thinking.
(4) Clean up. Taking a warm shower and putting on fresh clean clothes always is refreshing and helps to break up darkened mental habits.
(5) Breathe fresh air. Open whichever windows punctuate your room and allow some wind to come in.
(6) Watch your breathing. When we are panicked, our breathing can become very disordered and we do not recognize the effect this has on our thinking. Take deep, purposeful breaths, and collect your thoughts.
(7) Respect yourself. You have done your best to survive in an awful world, and you should grant yourself forgiveness for any mistakes and the allowance to rest with a composed and balanced mind.
I've done my part. Anyone else?
R: 6 / I: 0
in case you suspect your /dep/ression is a result of living in unfit living quarters.
I'll start.
In my family, we only have wool blankets (thick) and a cotton fabric-like blanket (very thin). I never thought it could have been any impact on me. TURNS OUT IT WAS IMPACTING ME A LOT. Two years ago I got a nice cotton blanket (medium thickness) and my sleep improved, well, overnight. Well, THIS WINTER, my mommy borrowed my blanket and now I have to look for another similar one (can't find the same class of fluffy blankets anymore, ugh…) - hope the blanket I've got recently will help. I mean, I got my brain fog from bad sleep… ugh… I only realized it today… ugh…
Also, don't forget to vent your bedrooms
Furn' thread
Furnishing/Furniture threadin case you suspect your /dep/ression is a result of living in unfit living quarters.
I'll start.
In my family, we only have wool blankets (thick) and a cotton fabric-like blanket (very thin). I never thought it could have been any impact on me. TURNS OUT IT WAS IMPACTING ME A LOT. Two years ago I got a nice cotton blanket (medium thickness) and my sleep improved, well, overnight. Well, THIS WINTER, my mommy borrowed my blanket and now I have to look for another similar one (can't find the same class of fluffy blankets anymore, ugh…) - hope the blanket I've got recently will help. I mean, I got my brain fog from bad sleep… ugh… I only realized it today… ugh…
Also, don't forget to vent your bedrooms
R: 4 / I: 0
/Daily Struggle/
I find it hard to act without having any motivation for this life. I would consider myself living a life that is although not luxurious more or less of comfort where the basic needs are being met. I wonder if my attitude towards life is born from not struggling hard with basic human needs such as food or shelter. Or, is it because these needs were fulfilled, I wanted to become more of a human with a social or personal life that can be how I wanted. But when I entered adulthood, everything turned out to be different from how I wished it to be. The life now seems harder that expected. The social construct has made me give up on wishful thinking and has asked me to struggle to fulfil those basic demands, whereas the deeper expectations are seen as some distant dream. This way I have become somewhat superfluous and ignorant about my duties. I feel that what I am doing is simply how a prostitute does it; selling her body in a way that is in one way the greatest pleasure of life yet for her, it has become the greatest source of pain, only to meet basic needs. Living a hollow life without any happy ambitions is painful. You are surrounded by people who have a light in their eyes, even though they are a bit materialistic, at least they are running towards something. I on the other hand, instead of chasing anything, just following them. Every day begins with an order, from outside and I, having no words coming from inside, simply follow it like a machine. No emotion, no enthusiasm. It is an active boredom that requires an escapement in meaning. Is this how despair feels like? Does this emotion even have a name? Am I sick? I wonder every day, yet I am somewhat afraid to know the answer. I wonder how long I can follow others and emulate them to pose as a functional adult. I wonder if I am missing something that makes one a proper person. I am a fake.
R: 4 / I: 0
Paralysing attitude
I feel I'm in the same situation as Hamlet was, a man battling his own consciousness, yet the battle doesn't let him move even one step. Even the thought of ending his own life starts swirling around, and he tries to find a logical, reasonable meaning. Why is it that we must follow whatever set of rules society has selected for us, only to persecute the general public and help themselves, i.e., the people in positions of power? All the things I believe are a facade, where one must follow blindly without any sense of autonomy. And if you try to be something different, unexpected, you'd be treated as an outcast, an exception, an alien. The social construct that is necessary for our support is suddenly against us, and we can no longer function properly. This logic of the world makes me feel so bad. And although I wish to play the cards I've been dealt with, I've been on a constant defeat. The amount of losing I've faced, I do not know if I could ever love it. I'd continue as I have nothing else to do; for both my substance and sanity, I must continue with the game. It's difficult, and I seek distractions to overcome them, but I've more or less decided not to quit, as to live with whatever dignity as a human I've got remaining, I don't want to waste it. At least even this act of continuing could deem me worthy of a person. R: 1 / I: 0
"why? is it because good is god and anything he commands is automatically good, or is it because god is good, and he knows what is good and then commands it?"
"lets begin by assuming what god commands is good, and things are good only because god commands them, then we can accept that if god changes his mind and commands anything that was formerly bad to be good, it would become good (and presumably we would experience a shift in our internal moral understanding to see what we once thought badly of as being good)"
"but why would this be? maybe because god is the creator of all things, and as such, he sets the rules about what is right and wrong, similar to how the inventor of anything makes the rules for how that thing is to be used?"
"or maybe its merely because he is eternal, and has had the time to figure out how we should live?"
"or maybe because he is wiser than all of us (whatever that is supposed to mean)?"
"I propose a different answer: that god is the most powerful being and unable to be challenged without defeat, or disobeyed without punishment"
"and humans need god to liberate us from the war of all against all that results from lacking a unifying leadership established by the most powerful and unconquerable"
"but more important is that the consequence for displeasing him is the worst possible pain and sadness, while the consequence for pleasing him is the greatest possible pleasure and happiness"
"the ruling principle for morality then shifts to optimizing ones own personal pleasure and happiness, while minimizing ones own personal pain and sadness, correct?"
"everything else one can say, including the winning response on the game *socrates jones: pro philo" to the philosopher protagoras ultimately concedes protagoras' assertion that personal like or dislike is the true source of all moral or ethical beliefs - why should one consider the collapse of civilization bad if not for personal preference from one who lives in a civilization and relies upon it?"
"but it doesn't mean that one can just impulsively pursue the immediate gratification of ones own pleasures, because pains also factor into it, and additionally one can acquire the greatest pleasure over the long term by abstaining from a smaller pleasure in the short term. contrary to the game, society itself remains stable because everyone pursues their own pleasures and avoids their own pains, and for the sake of that, they keep civilization stable and functioning, commonly agreed upon policies like free(ish) speech or free(ish) expression exists because it is of individual value to most people, and if you bring up someone being in a position where they can get away with something bad without any negative consequences, we can argue that it would be better for them to make it a rule never to do those things, even under such liberating circumstances, because your actions are habit forming, one exception leads to more, and eventually this decision will lead to them making that bad action at a time when they would get the negative consequences from doing it"
"indeed, we all can only pursue our own pleasure and avoid our own pain, it is the sole motivation for everything we do, even when we do something painful it is because we anticipate a greater pain by doing anything else; it all comes down to neurochemicals and electrical signals going off in our brains - we get the exact same pleasures from an act we'd commonly attribute to selflessness that we would from an act we'd consider to be selfish, the category of selfless acts doesn't actually exist since we only do them because we expect it would make us feel good if we did them."
"so the rule is then to get more good feeling or less bad feeling, and if they come into conflict, we usually go with the greater of the two, and if they are both equal we'd prioritize the lesser bad feels over the greater good feels, hence why you can incentivize people better by threatening them with a thing they don't want than by offering to give them something they do want"
"so a realistic take on ethics and morality comes down to that we are all like drug addicts wanting to feel less bad feels, and feel more good feels, but then why do our brains produce the feelings they do in response to the sensory stimuli we get?"
"well, we can then look to evolution, and the selfish gene by richard dawkins, as well as other evolutionary psychologists who explain things in terms of our sets of genes being in competition with other sets of genes, and our individual genes being in competition with genes in other beings as well as with the other genes in ourselves as well"
"the most important thing is therefore to 1. maximally increase the number of organisms with genes identical to our own, and 2. to maximally increase the number of genes identical to our own in those other organisms."
"objections like "why do we have sex then?" miss the point - sex is like when a good player on a bad team wants to join with the players on the better team, its "the selfish gene", not "the selfish genes", singular and individual genes come first, not a plural or collective set."
"so then, we know what god would be referring to if we took the second answer to the eupythro dillema, right? either "its better for us, individually" or "its better for each of our genes, individually""
"but there is something else, isnt there? god likely doesnt exist, and was a sus concept from the start: when a king rules his subjects, he uses those at his command to enforce his will upon them (and each other) by threat of negative consequences (see earlier), but then what happens when someone can break the rules without being caught, how would the king control them then? easy! invent a larger king, who sees all and knows all, and who will punish them with the worst possible punishment (where it is unfalsifiable to claim that the criminal got their punishment at all), its just so perfect"
"so there is no god, it is a certainty, and also, if you were in hell or heaven you wouldnt be able to tell which you were in since all your senses would be gone due to them all being reliant upon parts of your physical body that as we know would stay right here on earth and break down with time after your death"
"this concludes my thoughts on morals and ethics, thanks for reading, i appreciate you"
"btw, what are your thoughts on absurdism? isnt it a good reason to not commit suicide? ive considered the argument that for most of time i wont get to experience anything, and that this life is the only time i get to even be aware that i exist, so even if its really shitty i should stick it out to the end and in fact i should live for as long as i could"
"as for what constitutes *me* and *i*, id say its the part of myself that receives information from mthe rest of my brain, "the great receiver" which is aware of its own existence or that existence is a thing at all, call it consciousness, but it is continuity of experience that i use to define my existence, and so uploading an imitation of my current mental state to a computer wouldnt count as being a continuation of me, it would have to be the preservation of this elusive part of my physical brain (and assumedly parts of my body) to make me truly immortal."
"sometimes i wanna die, sometimes i wanna live forever, sometimes i wanna go back and live my life all over again from the start with all the data i have in my head now, like starting a new game when you remember how the last playthrough went, despite me having had lived through one of the worst lives imaginable to me up to this point"
"other times id go back just as i am now, in order to ensure i was never born (dont "muh paradox" me, we know theres most likely a multiverse if there were a way to go back in time)"
"whatever, intellectualization is my way of copeing without roping"
Morality and Ethics Rant
"morality is obedience to god, because what god says is good""why? is it because good is god and anything he commands is automatically good, or is it because god is good, and he knows what is good and then commands it?"
"lets begin by assuming what god commands is good, and things are good only because god commands them, then we can accept that if god changes his mind and commands anything that was formerly bad to be good, it would become good (and presumably we would experience a shift in our internal moral understanding to see what we once thought badly of as being good)"
"but why would this be? maybe because god is the creator of all things, and as such, he sets the rules about what is right and wrong, similar to how the inventor of anything makes the rules for how that thing is to be used?"
"or maybe its merely because he is eternal, and has had the time to figure out how we should live?"
"or maybe because he is wiser than all of us (whatever that is supposed to mean)?"
"I propose a different answer: that god is the most powerful being and unable to be challenged without defeat, or disobeyed without punishment"
"and humans need god to liberate us from the war of all against all that results from lacking a unifying leadership established by the most powerful and unconquerable"
"but more important is that the consequence for displeasing him is the worst possible pain and sadness, while the consequence for pleasing him is the greatest possible pleasure and happiness"
"the ruling principle for morality then shifts to optimizing ones own personal pleasure and happiness, while minimizing ones own personal pain and sadness, correct?"
"everything else one can say, including the winning response on the game *socrates jones: pro philo" to the philosopher protagoras ultimately concedes protagoras' assertion that personal like or dislike is the true source of all moral or ethical beliefs - why should one consider the collapse of civilization bad if not for personal preference from one who lives in a civilization and relies upon it?"
"but it doesn't mean that one can just impulsively pursue the immediate gratification of ones own pleasures, because pains also factor into it, and additionally one can acquire the greatest pleasure over the long term by abstaining from a smaller pleasure in the short term. contrary to the game, society itself remains stable because everyone pursues their own pleasures and avoids their own pains, and for the sake of that, they keep civilization stable and functioning, commonly agreed upon policies like free(ish) speech or free(ish) expression exists because it is of individual value to most people, and if you bring up someone being in a position where they can get away with something bad without any negative consequences, we can argue that it would be better for them to make it a rule never to do those things, even under such liberating circumstances, because your actions are habit forming, one exception leads to more, and eventually this decision will lead to them making that bad action at a time when they would get the negative consequences from doing it"
"indeed, we all can only pursue our own pleasure and avoid our own pain, it is the sole motivation for everything we do, even when we do something painful it is because we anticipate a greater pain by doing anything else; it all comes down to neurochemicals and electrical signals going off in our brains - we get the exact same pleasures from an act we'd commonly attribute to selflessness that we would from an act we'd consider to be selfish, the category of selfless acts doesn't actually exist since we only do them because we expect it would make us feel good if we did them."
"so the rule is then to get more good feeling or less bad feeling, and if they come into conflict, we usually go with the greater of the two, and if they are both equal we'd prioritize the lesser bad feels over the greater good feels, hence why you can incentivize people better by threatening them with a thing they don't want than by offering to give them something they do want"
"so a realistic take on ethics and morality comes down to that we are all like drug addicts wanting to feel less bad feels, and feel more good feels, but then why do our brains produce the feelings they do in response to the sensory stimuli we get?"
"well, we can then look to evolution, and the selfish gene by richard dawkins, as well as other evolutionary psychologists who explain things in terms of our sets of genes being in competition with other sets of genes, and our individual genes being in competition with genes in other beings as well as with the other genes in ourselves as well"
"the most important thing is therefore to 1. maximally increase the number of organisms with genes identical to our own, and 2. to maximally increase the number of genes identical to our own in those other organisms."
"objections like "why do we have sex then?" miss the point - sex is like when a good player on a bad team wants to join with the players on the better team, its "the selfish gene", not "the selfish genes", singular and individual genes come first, not a plural or collective set."
"so then, we know what god would be referring to if we took the second answer to the eupythro dillema, right? either "its better for us, individually" or "its better for each of our genes, individually""
"but there is something else, isnt there? god likely doesnt exist, and was a sus concept from the start: when a king rules his subjects, he uses those at his command to enforce his will upon them (and each other) by threat of negative consequences (see earlier), but then what happens when someone can break the rules without being caught, how would the king control them then? easy! invent a larger king, who sees all and knows all, and who will punish them with the worst possible punishment (where it is unfalsifiable to claim that the criminal got their punishment at all), its just so perfect"
"so there is no god, it is a certainty, and also, if you were in hell or heaven you wouldnt be able to tell which you were in since all your senses would be gone due to them all being reliant upon parts of your physical body that as we know would stay right here on earth and break down with time after your death"
"this concludes my thoughts on morals and ethics, thanks for reading, i appreciate you"
"btw, what are your thoughts on absurdism? isnt it a good reason to not commit suicide? ive considered the argument that for most of time i wont get to experience anything, and that this life is the only time i get to even be aware that i exist, so even if its really shitty i should stick it out to the end and in fact i should live for as long as i could"
"as for what constitutes *me* and *i*, id say its the part of myself that receives information from mthe rest of my brain, "the great receiver" which is aware of its own existence or that existence is a thing at all, call it consciousness, but it is continuity of experience that i use to define my existence, and so uploading an imitation of my current mental state to a computer wouldnt count as being a continuation of me, it would have to be the preservation of this elusive part of my physical brain (and assumedly parts of my body) to make me truly immortal."
"sometimes i wanna die, sometimes i wanna live forever, sometimes i wanna go back and live my life all over again from the start with all the data i have in my head now, like starting a new game when you remember how the last playthrough went, despite me having had lived through one of the worst lives imaginable to me up to this point"
"other times id go back just as i am now, in order to ensure i was never born (dont "muh paradox" me, we know theres most likely a multiverse if there were a way to go back in time)"
"whatever, intellectualization is my way of copeing without roping"
R: 12 / I: 4
I wonder if this led me to become who I am now, at least in social settings.
I have no idea if I suffered from this, although I remember times when I was told not to cry, or I got used to not crying over silly things that perhaps maybe weren't silly for a child.
I read those internet ads about caring for parents and children, and they recommended hugs, affection, and not denying children's pain and suffering, and that the best thing is to get it off the emotions of their chest or body.
but if this doesn't happen, then they build up a shell, armor, or something like that because they mask or hide these emotions automatically out of pure habit and training. and later they will have trouble releasing their emotions from their bodies. Babies and toddlers do this naturally when they cry.
>Also
I can't remember the last time I cried with all my might or something like that.
I wonder if this led me to be the way I am now, at least in a social way. I wonder if I can treat it. I read from an anon that some of these things can only be treated with love. But the truth is confusing.
Maybe my brain is already like this, although I read that the brain can change, as can one's habits and feelings.
Maybe I was emotionally neglected as a child?
>Were you emotionally neglected as a child?I wonder if this led me to become who I am now, at least in social settings.
I have no idea if I suffered from this, although I remember times when I was told not to cry, or I got used to not crying over silly things that perhaps maybe weren't silly for a child.
I read those internet ads about caring for parents and children, and they recommended hugs, affection, and not denying children's pain and suffering, and that the best thing is to get it off the emotions of their chest or body.
but if this doesn't happen, then they build up a shell, armor, or something like that because they mask or hide these emotions automatically out of pure habit and training. and later they will have trouble releasing their emotions from their bodies. Babies and toddlers do this naturally when they cry.
>Also
I can't remember the last time I cried with all my might or something like that.
I wonder if this led me to be the way I am now, at least in a social way. I wonder if I can treat it. I read from an anon that some of these things can only be treated with love. But the truth is confusing.
Maybe my brain is already like this, although I read that the brain can change, as can one's habits and feelings.
R: 34 / I: 4
Coping with long term loneliness
I believe if you are on here then like myself you believe yourself to be a deeply flawed person on such an advanced level that the idea of finding someone on a romantic level is not even in the realm of possibility, and friends are very temporary visitors in the world of adulthood. This is all well and good but I am looking at,at least 30 more years of this. How are the fellow wizzies coping without basically falling into a spiral of self pity and resentment? I would like to ideally just think "it is what it is.. some people are meant to be the outcasts" but I am having difficulty when looking at the stretch of time I am going to be feeling lonely in. How do other sorcerers and sages feel when confronted with this idea of a decades of loneliness ahead?
R: 16 / I: 3
Repressed
Does anyone ever want to just scream and shout at the world? Whether its frustration for myself or others I find myself having no where to put it. What would you tell people if they would listen to you? R: 22 / I: 3
is there any job a retard like me can do? my life situation is fucked beyond any comprehension. generally speaking, i dropped out of society at 18 and now im 29, my education level is the lowest possible(i doubt 1% of ppl even have this low in my country) and even cleaner jobs require higher education than mine. But I desperately need money as everything is falling apart in my life because I have no money to fix it. The only thing I ever succeeded at was investing(not a joke) but I have no capital and I have infinite expenses and debts. I'm not from the US, just middle of the shithole of 3rd world country Poland. Locally, most jobs here are either 'customer advisor' or whatever u call them, where u work at some store and are supposed to be a salesman there. Or some backbreaking physical labor that there's no way I can do. Idk, i'm just barking at the moon here. I'm simply completely stuck in an insane situation, and I can't do anything, because I have no money and no way to make any. I'm really losing my mind over this. Soon I'll die because I can't afford healthcare while I have 99 diseases and social help doesn't exist here, or they will lock me up in a psych ward forever because I can't stand the pressure. Sorry if this post makes no sense but really, i'm just rambling everywhere I can because I just can't stand it anymore. My whole family is dying from their own diseases and their own decisions. I don't want to pointlessly talk about my life situation but it's more insane than anyone can imagine.
is there any job a retard like me can do? my life situation is fucked beyond any comprehension. generally speaking, i dropped out of society at 18 and now im 29, my education level is the lowest possible(i doubt 1% of ppl even have this low in my country) and even cleaner jobs require higher education than mine. But I desperately need money as everything is falling apart in my life because I have no money to fix it. The only thing I ever succeeded at was investing(not a joke) but I have no capital and I have infinite expenses and debts. I'm not from the US, just middle of the shithole of 3rd world country Poland. Locally, most jobs here are either 'customer advisor' or whatever u call them, where u work at some store and are supposed to be a salesman there. Or some backbreaking physical labor that there's no way I can do. Idk, i'm just barking at the moon here. I'm simply completely stuck in an insane situation, and I can't do anything, because I have no money and no way to make any. I'm really losing my mind over this. Soon I'll die because I can't afford healthcare while I have 99 diseases and social help doesn't exist here, or they will lock me up in a psych ward forever because I can't stand the pressure. Sorry if this post makes no sense but really, i'm just rambling everywhere I can because I just can't stand it anymore. My whole family is dying from their own diseases and their own decisions. I don't want to pointlessly talk about my life situation but it's more insane than anyone can imagine.
R: 35 / I: 2
>Too nervous to talk to anyone and make friends
>Become a lurker and feel sad when I see others make connections and friends
>end up leaving the server
Any tips to help stop this dilemma?
Chronically online and chronically alone
>Join discord server>Too nervous to talk to anyone and make friends
>Become a lurker and feel sad when I see others make connections and friends
>end up leaving the server
Any tips to help stop this dilemma?
R: 38 / I: 6
have you ever been told you had no personality? I was told that when I was a kid. it hurts. one day, I asked the psychologist I was told that and if it was true, she said that's not true because some people do that just to put you down, she said. I believed her but now I'm thinking I don't have a personality and people without personality exist and she was wrong (she maybe just said that to make me happier about myself).
I noticed I was a contrarian and thats my whole personality:being contrarian. but everybody can be contrarian therefore it's not a real personality, and so I have no personality. damn it suck being a NPC (I hate that buzzword).
I'm not telling you how to get a personality because it would be fake and it will show, I don't know maybe I just want to know your reactions over this. maybe you too was told you had no personality and can relate to this post and feel like a NPC too.
have you ever been told you had no personality? I was told that when I was a kid. it hurts. one day, I asked the psychologist I was told that and if it was true, she said that's not true because some people do that just to put you down, she said. I believed her but now I'm thinking I don't have a personality and people without personality exist and she was wrong (she maybe just said that to make me happier about myself).
I noticed I was a contrarian and thats my whole personality:being contrarian. but everybody can be contrarian therefore it's not a real personality, and so I have no personality. damn it suck being a NPC (I hate that buzzword).
I'm not telling you how to get a personality because it would be fake and it will show, I don't know maybe I just want to know your reactions over this. maybe you too was told you had no personality and can relate to this post and feel like a NPC too.
R: 25 / I: 2
I wonder, if I kill myself, will they attend my funeral?
Nobody's there anymore
I can't move on. Everyone already did but I can't. Nobody remembers me. Trying to reach them is pointless, they avoid me like the plague. My parents told me lots of anecdotes from when they were young. They had friends and an extended family, they went on adventures, they cried and laughted, they grew up with lots of friends. They don't see them much nowdays but if they see each other on the street they cheerfully greet them. Their friends are happy to see them. Mines aren't. I dream about them everyday. Some of them, the original duo from my late childhood, I haven't talked to them in almost 15 years. The others, more "recent", haven't seen them in 10. Time keeps marching on. I stay the same.I wonder, if I kill myself, will they attend my funeral?
R: 26 / I: 5
Existing is meant for two
The costs of lives burdens is meant for the backs of two so how does one prosper alone?
R: 33 / I: 1
It's Saturday night and I started taking a new antidepressant called Mirtazapine (15mg) on Thursday night.
This is my 10th or so attempt at a psychiatric medication. I've tried lots of therapy too.
Wish me luck anonymages. I was about to quit my job but watched some motivational videos on autoplay on Youtube for hours and as cheesy as it was, they convinced me to give this a go.
I didn't even get these prescribed recently. It was way back last year and then I just didn't take them because this particular medicine has a reputation for making people really fatigued.
It does put me to sleep. But, maybe that's ok. If it means I can find some happening apart from fapping and dreaming while I sleep.
Maybe it'll even help me turnaround my fortunes at work where it looks like I'm sliding towards a firing or just being unable to come in. Barely stopped myself raging at my boss the other day and took 2 weeks sick leave from stress afterwards. I need to swallow some humble pie come Monday and hopefully these pills help. Being off work for 2 weeks showed me I'm just as miserable and actually more so depressed, anxious and stressed not working despite all the antiwork slogans I collect.
It's Saturday night and I started taking a new antidepressant called Mirtazapine (15mg) on Thursday night.
This is my 10th or so attempt at a psychiatric medication. I've tried lots of therapy too.
Wish me luck anonymages. I was about to quit my job but watched some motivational videos on autoplay on Youtube for hours and as cheesy as it was, they convinced me to give this a go.
I didn't even get these prescribed recently. It was way back last year and then I just didn't take them because this particular medicine has a reputation for making people really fatigued.
It does put me to sleep. But, maybe that's ok. If it means I can find some happening apart from fapping and dreaming while I sleep.
Maybe it'll even help me turnaround my fortunes at work where it looks like I'm sliding towards a firing or just being unable to come in. Barely stopped myself raging at my boss the other day and took 2 weeks sick leave from stress afterwards. I need to swallow some humble pie come Monday and hopefully these pills help. Being off work for 2 weeks showed me I'm just as miserable and actually more so depressed, anxious and stressed not working despite all the antiwork slogans I collect.
R: 39 / I: 5
I basically don't feel pleasure from anything except food, maybe. Stories, games, art don't really touch me at all and it sucks because I remember how much I loved escapism before and how it brought excitement, joy, sadness etc. Now it's all blank. I want to bring emotions back, want to bring excitement, joy, even sweet sadness would do honestly, I miss being profoundly sad.
Have any of you managed to revert to your older non-anhedonic self?
Anhedonia
How do you guys fight anhedonia? Do you have any experience with it?I basically don't feel pleasure from anything except food, maybe. Stories, games, art don't really touch me at all and it sucks because I remember how much I loved escapism before and how it brought excitement, joy, sadness etc. Now it's all blank. I want to bring emotions back, want to bring excitement, joy, even sweet sadness would do honestly, I miss being profoundly sad.
Have any of you managed to revert to your older non-anhedonic self?
R: 17 / I: 3
kind and alike
it hurts being someone tacky and not being smart. I was told I was tacky one day, it really hurts. truth is hard to accept, the hardest is being told things to hurt you (tacky in this case). I will achieve nothing and they'll get away with it (those who insulted me). I hope for justice one day that will ever come
R: 7 / I: 1
Looks like my father was a psychopath, not being able to tell apart "tears of happniess" cry from "manipulative crybaby" cry.
Looks like I would not be able to handle growing up in his house anyway.
Looks like my father was a psychopath, not being able to tell apart "tears of happniess" cry from "manipulative crybaby" cry.
Looks like I would not be able to handle growing up in his house anyway.
R: 17 / I: 2
>So TL:DR; online places changed and I'm no longer suited for them. There are no suitable places and circumstances to make friends at my age. People my age got families and why would they want to be my friend anyways?
2000s internet vibes can still be found in:
* Gaiaonline
* Vaporwave communities
* City forums, I guess?
* Food communities, kitchen clubs
* they hack "gamespy" era PC games to have multiplayer mode WITHOUT now-defunct GameSlayn. Games that still have communities
* Dos.zone
DOS era games can be played online.
>So TL:DR; online places changed and I'm no longer suited for them. There are no suitable places and circumstances to make friends at my age. People my age got families and why would they want to be my friend anyways?
2000s internet vibes can still be found in:
* Gaiaonline
* Vaporwave communities
* City forums, I guess?
* Food communities, kitchen clubs
* they hack "gamespy" era PC games to have multiplayer mode WITHOUT now-defunct GameSlayn. Games that still have communities
* Dos.zone
DOS era games can be played online.
R: 54 / I: 34
I have read about meditation, magic, ceremonial magic, chaotic and postmodern magic, anxiety therapies, and relaxation techniques. This thread is not a cure for all problems. I don't want to turn this into a blogspot, so feel free to ask whatever you want.
>Also
Remember that you can also search for the techniques I mention on the internet, on YouTube, or on WikiHow, where you can find help on how to perform these techniques and more tips.
Magick n Cope relaxation techniques
The sole purpose of this post is to share the techniques and books I have accumulated over time to achieve relaxation and other things.I have read about meditation, magic, ceremonial magic, chaotic and postmodern magic, anxiety therapies, and relaxation techniques. This thread is not a cure for all problems. I don't want to turn this into a blogspot, so feel free to ask whatever you want.
>Also
Remember that you can also search for the techniques I mention on the internet, on YouTube, or on WikiHow, where you can find help on how to perform these techniques and more tips.
R: 2 / I: 0
Post your 3AM thoughts here
Only post ITT from Midnight to 5AM
It's not a thread to talk about insomnia. It's a thread to live the insomnia.Post your 3AM thoughts here
R: 6 / I: 0
I have to do something.
Guys, I hate to admit but Ive tried to distract myself from the degradation of life using the breadcrumbs society calls "happiness" or "content" or some shit but I refuse, I can't be some bitch boy. I want to do horrid and terrible things to succubi specifically. I wanted to blow my fucking brains out but in a way that would be submitting to it. So im stuck in this sick fucking cycle like a fucking rat in a wheel. I can only cause pain and suffering, its yearning. There is no fucking god here. I wish I was a god, a god of the purest form of hatred and disgust for the human race. Boys, use your hatred… for hate.
R: 4 / I: 1
A few days ago, I had a terrible experience involving anger and frustration, and I realized that a simple hug took away any cruel intrussive suicidal thoughts in my head, almost like a grounding technique. Now I try to hug my pillow or squeeze my chest, and I even started to think that those machine hugs for autistic people could be effective for wathever it do.
And yes in a way its relaxing.
>Also
One of my cats start to purr too much when i become too much anxious, strange behaviour but maybe she try to be helful in a way.
Another one of my cats died in a cruel way. To be honest, I spent a few weeks feeling detached, thinking about how stupid life is, full of suffering, and yet we seek to cause more suffering sometimes.
The Desire of love and attachment and death
Don't lie to me, do you have a pet, a dog, a cat, a mother, a father, or a family member that you love?A few days ago, I had a terrible experience involving anger and frustration, and I realized that a simple hug took away any cruel intrussive suicidal thoughts in my head, almost like a grounding technique. Now I try to hug my pillow or squeeze my chest, and I even started to think that those machine hugs for autistic people could be effective for wathever it do.
And yes in a way its relaxing.
>Also
One of my cats start to purr too much when i become too much anxious, strange behaviour but maybe she try to be helful in a way.
Another one of my cats died in a cruel way. To be honest, I spent a few weeks feeling detached, thinking about how stupid life is, full of suffering, and yet we seek to cause more suffering sometimes.
R: 46 / I: 7
I hate sex
It's completely fucking evil. I hate living in a world where it even exists, much less one where it's celebrated. It's something 99% of men do, they don't even think twice about it. I feel completely alienated from humanity because of this. Every time I read or hear something about it I get this pit in my stomach and a sense of impending doom. It used to give me panic attacks, but now it only fills me with unbridled rage.
R: 49 / I: 2
Additionally, I am 22, but pursuing a worthless degree in IT, I don't know if I'd be able to get a job, I feel like I need to do something immediately to avoid this impending catastrophe. But I don't know what, it's like I have seen the writing on the wall.
And of course I have no other reason to believe that I am better than people here on the contrary I might be inferior, hell, I can't even drive properly, you've probably read a thousand of my posts here lamenting that by now.
Fuck man, I need to do something, upskill or some sort of productivity or self-improooovement shit or something, in the odd case that it might works. But this path is scary as fuck, this is leading straight up towards suicide. I am not as gutsy as other users here, who are fine with the idea of dying, I kind of want to live properly for a minute first before contemplating dying and I don't think I am even capable of suicide.
I don't even get along very well with my parents, we have a weird hate-love relationship where I am dependent upon them because I have no option.
I don't understand how I can be so unlucky, there are millions and millions of people, literally 99% of them just living their lives normally, I don't understand why do I have to be in the bottom 1% of this planet's population.
I feel an urgent need to do something to prevent this ship to colliding with an iceberg but I am just sitting and watching, if things continue this way, this is not going to end well.
But man all the posts here just scare me to no end. Everyone is talking about the problem but no one is really offering any real and followable solutions, this is not going to end well for either of us.
I don't know why I decided to make this post I feel a sheer sense of urgency and helplessness yet all I do is bedrot.
This website is scary.
There are a whole hosts of posts here where we explain how we're dependent upon our parents and how when they die we will die with them, I am starting to think that the lack of money is a real problem.Additionally, I am 22, but pursuing a worthless degree in IT, I don't know if I'd be able to get a job, I feel like I need to do something immediately to avoid this impending catastrophe. But I don't know what, it's like I have seen the writing on the wall.
And of course I have no other reason to believe that I am better than people here on the contrary I might be inferior, hell, I can't even drive properly, you've probably read a thousand of my posts here lamenting that by now.
Fuck man, I need to do something, upskill or some sort of productivity or self-improooovement shit or something, in the odd case that it might works. But this path is scary as fuck, this is leading straight up towards suicide. I am not as gutsy as other users here, who are fine with the idea of dying, I kind of want to live properly for a minute first before contemplating dying and I don't think I am even capable of suicide.
I don't even get along very well with my parents, we have a weird hate-love relationship where I am dependent upon them because I have no option.
I don't understand how I can be so unlucky, there are millions and millions of people, literally 99% of them just living their lives normally, I don't understand why do I have to be in the bottom 1% of this planet's population.
I feel an urgent need to do something to prevent this ship to colliding with an iceberg but I am just sitting and watching, if things continue this way, this is not going to end well.
But man all the posts here just scare me to no end. Everyone is talking about the problem but no one is really offering any real and followable solutions, this is not going to end well for either of us.
I don't know why I decided to make this post I feel a sheer sense of urgency and helplessness yet all I do is bedrot.
R: 7 / I: 0
My mom is already LDAR'ing due to the debt and she's already lost one child, so I think either by suicide or stress she would die. My dad? He didn't seem to care that much when my stepbro died, but I am his firstborn. I don't know really. My little brother would probably just turn into me. That's my only concern. Everyone else, would cry for a day maybe.
would anyone really care if you killed yourself?
Would they? I've been thinking.My mom is already LDAR'ing due to the debt and she's already lost one child, so I think either by suicide or stress she would die. My dad? He didn't seem to care that much when my stepbro died, but I am his firstborn. I don't know really. My little brother would probably just turn into me. That's my only concern. Everyone else, would cry for a day maybe.
R: 37 / I: 2
Inability to speak properly
Any other wizards here that have trouble with speaking "normally" or pronouncing certain letters? This kind of thing occurs naturally to normalfags and it really is just something that should come inherent to everyone. I've had times when I think I'm talking normally but people tell me to stop yelling, or other times when I think I'm talking in above average volume and people tell me I'm being silent. I also struggle to pronounce the letter "s" properly and sound like a spazz which has made me actively avoid certain words. It's just another one of those things that has made me realize how we and normalfags live in an entirely different state of existence. I remember how Chris Chan used to get bullied for his voice among other things, I'm not sure if it is an autistic trait or a consequence of my reclusive life but it has made my anxiety in public worse, and has also totally ruined my dreams of starting a music project one day
R: 3 / I: 1
Hatred through art
Knowing the hedonist succubi stroll the face of the earth was eating away at me so I drew for a bit in an attempt to extend my range of patience. Still, I remain degraded and in misery. I think I'm in a spot right now where I feel neutral but that can't stop me from knowing how disgusting and vile they are, and how even just existing is. What have you drawn?
R: 6 / I: 0
especially because i can compare it to earlier times
where things felt more bearable
or at least that i had some bearings to ground myself
school and college, a brief post-graduate unemployment, and then solid employment for many years that led to to a point where i actually kind of enjoyed my life
things felt really stable. i liked the people i had around me every day.
but shit doesn't last, and I have lost everything that kept my mental health from spiraling
and so it's spiraled
addiction and dopamine control my life and I get phases of focus and productivity that quickly fades when I get anxious and start smoking weed from morning to night.
I'm just rambling now because this is my mind these days, just constantly ruminating and unable to find a glimmer of hope to latch onto in order to make sustained gradual change to improve my life and 'return to glory' like I used to experience day to day.
Because nowadays life is uncomfortable
and discomfort without meaning is just suffering
how do i find meaning again after I lost it? Without it I feel so unmotivated to do anything about lacking it.
how to derive hope and meaning?
feeling really lostespecially because i can compare it to earlier times
where things felt more bearable
or at least that i had some bearings to ground myself
school and college, a brief post-graduate unemployment, and then solid employment for many years that led to to a point where i actually kind of enjoyed my life
things felt really stable. i liked the people i had around me every day.
but shit doesn't last, and I have lost everything that kept my mental health from spiraling
and so it's spiraled
addiction and dopamine control my life and I get phases of focus and productivity that quickly fades when I get anxious and start smoking weed from morning to night.
I'm just rambling now because this is my mind these days, just constantly ruminating and unable to find a glimmer of hope to latch onto in order to make sustained gradual change to improve my life and 'return to glory' like I used to experience day to day.
Because nowadays life is uncomfortable
and discomfort without meaning is just suffering
how do i find meaning again after I lost it? Without it I feel so unmotivated to do anything about lacking it.
R: 33 / I: 6
Money
A little money can help me. I think money can solve any kind of problem, including yours. There's nothing in this world that money can't buy. It can even buy true love.
R: 46 / I: 6
Yet I have to work to live and try my best to finally finish my degree, hopefully before I'm 30 or my university kicks me out. On days like this it's like I've lost 50IQ points and I'm barely functional. I have to keep my living space in a state of acceptable cleanliness. Do any of you guys have any tips on how to make it more bearable?
The Fatigue
How do you guys deal with fatigue, if at all. Some days are better but just when you think you're beginning to get a grip again you just wake up and know exactly that you landed back at the bottom of the hole again. Everything is a herculean effort, even typing this out my eye lids are heavy despite being only late afternoon and me having slept for at least 8h last night. No matter what steps I take, sleeping properly, eating better, hell I even started doing some basic exercise every day to get the blood flowing a bit. None of it matters. All of this hard work and it's completely meaningless because I can't seem to get better in a consistent way that matters.Yet I have to work to live and try my best to finally finish my degree, hopefully before I'm 30 or my university kicks me out. On days like this it's like I've lost 50IQ points and I'm barely functional. I have to keep my living space in a state of acceptable cleanliness. Do any of you guys have any tips on how to make it more bearable?
R: 9 / I: 4
"If I were to be totally sincere, I would say that I do not know why I live and why I do not stop living. The answer probably lies in the irrational character of life which maintains itself without reason."
"people are irrational" - this realisation may not seem deep or like its something new to you, but it feels very enlightening to me, and i get stuck on a constant loop of constantly contemplating irrationality
I just had a realisation about the true nature of reality
people are irrational, i am not suicidal but this emil cioran quote helped it suddenly become so clear to me"If I were to be totally sincere, I would say that I do not know why I live and why I do not stop living. The answer probably lies in the irrational character of life which maintains itself without reason."
"people are irrational" - this realisation may not seem deep or like its something new to you, but it feels very enlightening to me, and i get stuck on a constant loop of constantly contemplating irrationality
R: 53 / I: 15
I have had depression for my whole life adolescence onward, and I was afraid even 5-6 years ago of this day and thought it would be unsurvivable, and now it's here, and I do want to die. I dont want to live in a world where he isn't here with me. The initial shock has worn off and it's sinking in that my best friend is gone, and I'm not going to see him again. My mother is the only other positive presence in my life, because she knew how much I love him. She has stage 4 cancer and it's still unclear if she's going to survive it or not. She's essentially the only reason why I have not shot myself already. She was never abusive or cruel to me, so I couldn't do that to her even though I don't want to live anymore.
Did you ever have an animal that meant this much to you? People are cruel and petty and small. If an animal loves you it's genuine, they dont have ulterior motives or social performance.
Companion animals
My rooster that I've had for ten years, who I consider my best friend and love more than anyone else, died Wednesday night. He was my only friend. He lived in the house with me and was the only thing that would make me feel better when the rest of my life would weigh down on me. I would go hold him and the rest of life would disappear and that would be all that would matter. I keep forgetting now for a few moments, that I can't go see him and hold him anymore.I have had depression for my whole life adolescence onward, and I was afraid even 5-6 years ago of this day and thought it would be unsurvivable, and now it's here, and I do want to die. I dont want to live in a world where he isn't here with me. The initial shock has worn off and it's sinking in that my best friend is gone, and I'm not going to see him again. My mother is the only other positive presence in my life, because she knew how much I love him. She has stage 4 cancer and it's still unclear if she's going to survive it or not. She's essentially the only reason why I have not shot myself already. She was never abusive or cruel to me, so I couldn't do that to her even though I don't want to live anymore.
Did you ever have an animal that meant this much to you? People are cruel and petty and small. If an animal loves you it's genuine, they dont have ulterior motives or social performance.
R: 32 / I: 3
ОК, i just dont get it
My mother keeps calling me at my workplace over the fact my pants look "horrible", "off-putting", and other stuff
I am busting me arse here to earn some money to cover her expenses yet she would start a fucking opera scene over wrong type of pants I am wearing.
Ugh.
For years, I was believing I am an autistic debile with asexuality-like condition, now I realise it was me mum all along, teaching me to be nervous over this or that irrelevant detail here or there - stuff people would normally give no friks about
ОК, i just dont get it
My mother keeps calling me at my workplace over the fact my pants look "horrible", "off-putting", and other stuff
I am busting me arse here to earn some money to cover her expenses yet she would start a fucking opera scene over wrong type of pants I am wearing.
Ugh.
For years, I was believing I am an autistic debile with asexuality-like condition, now I realise it was me mum all along, teaching me to be nervous over this or that irrelevant detail here or there - stuff people would normally give no friks about
R: 10 / I: 1
I don't want to live anymore
There's no meaning of existing when you can't be what you want. I wish I could live in a world where I am the main and where people would respect me or care about me. If I don't live in this world, I should die.
R: 290 / I: 38
/wiz/ tier room setups edition.
Depression Crawl Thread LXXI
Post here if you don't have enough to say for a new thread, but it's too depressing for the crawl thread./wiz/ tier room setups edition.
R: 13 / I: 1
Today, I learned about a funny mental disorder that is not autism, not retardation, not SCH yet it's a real issue for people who strive for careers and education.
"Adaptation disorder" in some sources, "adjustment disorder" in many other, such as Wikipedia.
>Unlike major depressive disorder, adjustment disorder is caused by an outside stressor and generally resolves once the individual is able to adapt to the situation.
You know, given me mum was so good at torturing me verbally I am not surprised I *may* have suffered from this very thing. I mean, I hold my job, buuuuuuuuut…
>Signs of adjustment disorder include sadness, hopelessness, lack of enjoyment, crying spells, nervousness, anxiety, desperation, feeling overwhelmed and thoughts of suicide, performing poorly in school or work, among others.[12]
>([12]=mayo clinic)
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/adjustment-disorders/symptoms-causes/syc-20355224
I wonder if lenting exaggerates this condition, because it… kida matches. I never had this cool "speaking with entities" perk of a *skit*zophrenic, never had an autist-tier hobby to treat as own safe haven, yet all of the above seems to be just the thing that ruined my college/carrer prospects.
Today, I learned about a funny mental disorder that is not autism, not retardation, not SCH yet it's a real issue for people who strive for careers and education.
"Adaptation disorder" in some sources, "adjustment disorder" in many other, such as Wikipedia.
>Unlike major depressive disorder, adjustment disorder is caused by an outside stressor and generally resolves once the individual is able to adapt to the situation.
You know, given me mum was so good at torturing me verbally I am not surprised I *may* have suffered from this very thing. I mean, I hold my job, buuuuuuuuut…
>Signs of adjustment disorder include sadness, hopelessness, lack of enjoyment, crying spells, nervousness, anxiety, desperation, feeling overwhelmed and thoughts of suicide, performing poorly in school or work, among others.[12]
>([12]=mayo clinic)
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/adjustment-disorders/symptoms-causes/syc-20355224
I wonder if lenting exaggerates this condition, because it… kida matches. I never had this cool "speaking with entities" perk of a *skit*zophrenic, never had an autist-tier hobby to treat as own safe haven, yet all of the above seems to be just the thing that ruined my college/carrer prospects.
R: 1 / I: 0
I just want to devote years to something and get better at it, and improve at it. But that only happens in video games.
i hate the feeling of wasted years. time slipping away. i guess i just give up on something. i start a lot of projects. have a bipolar manic high. but then i see its going no where and just give up. i guess there is a rationality to it. but thats how i got the wasted years.
maybe its because im neet. a job, you're always investing your years into, trying to climb the ladder, even if you're not doing it successfully. at least you're progressing in money, thats 1 thing.
i just dont have the endurance to stick with something im not making progress in, and thats why i never make progress.
I just want to make progress towards...anything
I just look at all the years I've wasted stagnating. And I just want to be building towards, something… anything. i want my years to be building blocks not nothing. it doesnt have to be anything big. being a great wizchan poster is one possible goal among many.I just want to devote years to something and get better at it, and improve at it. But that only happens in video games.
i hate the feeling of wasted years. time slipping away. i guess i just give up on something. i start a lot of projects. have a bipolar manic high. but then i see its going no where and just give up. i guess there is a rationality to it. but thats how i got the wasted years.
maybe its because im neet. a job, you're always investing your years into, trying to climb the ladder, even if you're not doing it successfully. at least you're progressing in money, thats 1 thing.
i just dont have the endurance to stick with something im not making progress in, and thats why i never make progress.
R: 27 / I: 1
I want to shoot myself in the head with a gun on a crowded street
I want to shoot myself in the head with a gun on a crowded street
R: 58 / I: 7
even when some try to gaslight themselves that their loser-lifestyle can be comfy, we all deep down know that this isnt supposed to be *life*.
objectively, we're the bottom of the barrel, rock bottom essentially; we can only cope by escaping reality and isolating ourselves and anytime we encounter the real fucking world, we're deemed as fucking subhumans by others AND ourselves.
we're rotting, just wasting space, energy and oxygen while the only thing left for us is waiting to die, respectively.
i dont get how we all havent already committed suicide by now cuz our fucking trash genetics have been haunting us for our entire existence, yet we collectively and voluntarily decided to continue living. why the fuck are we so stupid???
why shouldnt we all just kill ourselves?
most of us are so fucking unattractive, retarded, uneducated, unlovable, lazy/unambitious etc… that there is no point in continuing this misery.even when some try to gaslight themselves that their loser-lifestyle can be comfy, we all deep down know that this isnt supposed to be *life*.
objectively, we're the bottom of the barrel, rock bottom essentially; we can only cope by escaping reality and isolating ourselves and anytime we encounter the real fucking world, we're deemed as fucking subhumans by others AND ourselves.
we're rotting, just wasting space, energy and oxygen while the only thing left for us is waiting to die, respectively.
i dont get how we all havent already committed suicide by now cuz our fucking trash genetics have been haunting us for our entire existence, yet we collectively and voluntarily decided to continue living. why the fuck are we so stupid???
R: 8 / I: 0
I can't live anymore
I don't feel like I belong to this body. Something says I belong to a blond and blue-eyed person. I'm depressed 'cause I have to be stuck into a Latino's body while I'm German.
R: 2 / I: 0
Coffee or what idk
Tfw you’re so drained that even choosing between coffee or suicide feels like too much effort. R: 3 / I: 0
the life would be unbelievably good if I wasn't a deformed looking freak. I hate this world and whoever created it so much it's unreal
the life would be unbelievably good if I wasn't a deformed looking freak. I hate this world and whoever created it so much it's unreal
R: 10 / I: 0
Things are worse now then last year
Life continues to be a challenge
Chronic pain and issues continue to plague me more
I am starting to dread physical social interaction
It is getting hard to keep up energy to do anything
Further degradation of life
Its been a whileThings are worse now then last year
Life continues to be a challenge
Chronic pain and issues continue to plague me more
I am starting to dread physical social interaction
It is getting hard to keep up energy to do anything
R: 5 / I: 1
Mother woke up with a face stroke.
im a 34 year old neet/hikkie. But this is a sign i have to become an adult now.
Although it feels like im trapped in a cage, underwater, while screaming.
Mother woke up with a face stroke.
im a 34 year old neet/hikkie. But this is a sign i have to become an adult now.
Although it feels like im trapped in a cage, underwater, while screaming.
R: 4 / I: 1
I'm tired, boss. Tired of being on the road, lonely as a sparrow in the rain. I'm tired of never having me a buddy to be with to tell me where we're going to, coming from, or why. Mostly, I'm tired of people being ugly to each other. I'm tired of all the pain I feel and hear in the world… every day. There's too much of it. It's like pieces of glass in my head… all the time. Can you understand?
I'm tired, boss. Tired of being on the road, lonely as a sparrow in the rain. I'm tired of never having me a buddy to be with to tell me where we're going to, coming from, or why. Mostly, I'm tired of people being ugly to each other. I'm tired of all the pain I feel and hear in the world… every day. There's too much of it. It's like pieces of glass in my head… all the time. Can you understand?
R: 5 / I: 0
todai I learned Helicobacter Pylori bacteria reduces your B12 vitamin levels as well as iron levels.
My diet is weird also
I need to pass a breath Helicobacter Pilori test (or vomit into a cup a little, I suppose)
maybe that's where my ruined mood comes from
todai I learned Helicobacter Pylori bacteria reduces your B12 vitamin levels as well as iron levels.
My diet is weird also
I need to pass a breath Helicobacter Pilori test (or vomit into a cup a little, I suppose)
maybe that's where my ruined mood comes from
R: 12 / I: 1
We didn't have a normal childhood, and if we did at some point during childhood, puberty, or adolescence, we screwed up and were rejected or abandoned or some fucked up thing.
>Ptsd
A few days ago, I read that people with PTSD have a characteristic lack of light and permanent dilated pupils in their eyes, as if they were almost dead. I looked at photos from my childhood, and at a certain age, I already looked terrible just by looking my eyes and face, from genuine happyness to pure sadness.
>Do you want to vent and tell me a story about some traumatic shit?
I have vague memories of tunnel vision dissociation after being rejected and abandoned as a child and another one as teenager. I wouldn't wish that experience to anyone.
>Avpd
I wonder if this shit is just a process of dehumanization every damn day. I feel out of step or out of alignment with the normies' charade of pretending that everything is fine. I can barely fake it with family members and some close acquaintances (who are not my friends but are friends of my family) and with childrens, I don't want them to end up like me either.
I'm going to say something that makes me cringe, but this year I felt a very stupid happiness because someone who is not part of my family expressed interest or curiosity about me. I don't know if them did it out of morbid curiosity or genuine interest in some form of human kindness, but it made me feel temporarily happy and not so alone and isolated. And no, it wasn't the typical “Are you okay?” that leads to the automatic fake response of ‘'Yes'’ or “Yes, but I'm just now busy and a little tired.”
If only I could make friends or find something similar to human companionship, like with my pets, I wouldn't feel so alone.
I miss playing video games like TF2, WoW, CS, other MMOs, ending up in long hours games and parties laughing with randoms, Even there, I connected with those who were disconnected and found support and friendship. Thank you for that.
Avpd and Ptsd
I know the truth.We didn't have a normal childhood, and if we did at some point during childhood, puberty, or adolescence, we screwed up and were rejected or abandoned or some fucked up thing.
>Ptsd
A few days ago, I read that people with PTSD have a characteristic lack of light and permanent dilated pupils in their eyes, as if they were almost dead. I looked at photos from my childhood, and at a certain age, I already looked terrible just by looking my eyes and face, from genuine happyness to pure sadness.
>Do you want to vent and tell me a story about some traumatic shit?
I have vague memories of tunnel vision dissociation after being rejected and abandoned as a child and another one as teenager. I wouldn't wish that experience to anyone.
>Avpd
I wonder if this shit is just a process of dehumanization every damn day. I feel out of step or out of alignment with the normies' charade of pretending that everything is fine. I can barely fake it with family members and some close acquaintances (who are not my friends but are friends of my family) and with childrens, I don't want them to end up like me either.
I'm going to say something that makes me cringe, but this year I felt a very stupid happiness because someone who is not part of my family expressed interest or curiosity about me. I don't know if them did it out of morbid curiosity or genuine interest in some form of human kindness, but it made me feel temporarily happy and not so alone and isolated. And no, it wasn't the typical “Are you okay?” that leads to the automatic fake response of ‘'Yes'’ or “Yes, but I'm just now busy and a little tired.”
If only I could make friends or find something similar to human companionship, like with my pets, I wouldn't feel so alone.
I miss playing video games like TF2, WoW, CS, other MMOs, ending up in long hours games and parties laughing with randoms, Even there, I connected with those who were disconnected and found support and friendship. Thank you for that.
R: 4 / I: 2
is vocaloid for trannies?
is vocaloid for trannies?
R: 8 / I: 0
The internet algorithms are gang stalking me.
The algorithm is stalking me
Everything you see is controlled by algorithms.The internet algorithms are gang stalking me.
R: 37 / I: 4
I hate how pathetic I am, I’m so fucking clumsy, my hand coordination is awful. Im always dropping shit which only makes me look like more of a retard
Most of all I hate the way other people look at me, there two “looks” I get from people. The first is the pitiful one. They see how pathetic I am, how socially inept, awkward and harmless I am and take pity on me like they would with a dementia patient. The other “look” is the hateful/judgmental one. They assume due to my awkwardness, my uncanny demeanour, ugly face and lack of height that I’m some kind of freak/someone to be suspicious of. They look at me like I’m some kind of sex pest/serial killer when all I’m doing is just existing
I put in the effort, I workout every day, I eat well, I keep good hygiene, I try, lord knows I fucking try, but I have to ask what’s the point? It won’t change anything. I can’t cure this awful plague of the mind I was born with, I’ll never be accepted or even tolerated by normies so why make an effort? Why try in life and work hard when I don’t even get the slightest bit of respect from the people around me? Part of me wants to just stay in my room stuffing my face with junk food and playing vidya all day but if I did that I’d only be more miserable.
Any other wizards have this condition? If so how do you cope with it?
Autism
I fucking loathe being autistic, I fucking hate how I can have articulate thoughts in my head yet can only muster and spew out the same few fucking phrases irl because I’m caught off guard and don’t know what to sayI hate how pathetic I am, I’m so fucking clumsy, my hand coordination is awful. Im always dropping shit which only makes me look like more of a retard
Most of all I hate the way other people look at me, there two “looks” I get from people. The first is the pitiful one. They see how pathetic I am, how socially inept, awkward and harmless I am and take pity on me like they would with a dementia patient. The other “look” is the hateful/judgmental one. They assume due to my awkwardness, my uncanny demeanour, ugly face and lack of height that I’m some kind of freak/someone to be suspicious of. They look at me like I’m some kind of sex pest/serial killer when all I’m doing is just existing
I put in the effort, I workout every day, I eat well, I keep good hygiene, I try, lord knows I fucking try, but I have to ask what’s the point? It won’t change anything. I can’t cure this awful plague of the mind I was born with, I’ll never be accepted or even tolerated by normies so why make an effort? Why try in life and work hard when I don’t even get the slightest bit of respect from the people around me? Part of me wants to just stay in my room stuffing my face with junk food and playing vidya all day but if I did that I’d only be more miserable.
Any other wizards have this condition? If so how do you cope with it?
R: 2 / I: 0
Do I write it all on a pendrive, and tell a few people of high trust to just read that document if I die?
existential dread-dying backup
How do I make a "backup" of legal, medical, economic, etc- instructions in case I, indeed, suddenly die of any random cause on any given day? Things such as: DNR orders\status , stopping myself from having my organs harvested whilst Im alive (organ "donation"), stuff such as ,in my case, declaring I will NOT have a funeral or even burial, Im dead don't waste cash in me, let the State deal with my corpse, or what to do with my investments\ savings\ funds\ belongings.Do I write it all on a pendrive, and tell a few people of high trust to just read that document if I die?
R: 8 / I: 1
"You have to interview someone from another culture and write an essay on their responses"
What exactly am I supposed to do? Where exactly do I begin to look for an interviewee? It's not like I know ANYONE. My entire extended family hates me. My friends have all vanished. And the entire system as a whole has done nothing except set me up for failure. I'm 22, and I've worked 17 jobs in the past 4 years and nothing stuck. I spent 99% of my time in Elementary, Middle School, and Highschool in semi-permanent I.S.S. (In School Suspension) because of my Asperger's diagnosis. Which inevitably forced me to drop out and get my GED.
I've been voluntarily homeless before to escape a broken household with a psychotic & narcissistic mother. I've driven from the South, to the Southeast to the Midwest multiple times looking for something to hold onto. Either to reconnect with some friends I had in high-school in the hopes to establish some kind of camaraderie/fellowship. Or when someone I met on CS:GO offered to let me be their roommate. Nothing ever seemed to work. There was always SOMETHING that happened to set me back. It was always one step forwards and two steps back. Either I lost my job, had a manic episode, or crashed my car and got saddled with a $400 quacked-up ticket from a cop who wasn't on the scene until a whole hour after the accident even occurred.
I figured after all the trouble, that maybe I should attend community college. Unfortunately, now I have to navigate this academic labyrinth which is filled with countless obstacles that are designed to single people like me out so we can be removed from society. What am I supposed to do? If I withdraw I'm stuck with debt (albeit only the first semesters worth), even then I can't even land a job that lasts for more than 3 months at a time, so paying it off would be hopeless. If I choose to keep going at it, I'll likely fail and end up with a horrible GPA that'll ruin my chances at climbing any corporate ladder.
It feels like every opportunity taken has lead to nothing but failure. There hasn't been anything in my life I've ever been successful at. It feels as though the writing is on the wall. Only this time the consequences to be faced by choosing either fork in my path will end up being nothing short of insurmountable.
I look at people like Adam Shephard (Scratch Beginnings) and Chris McCandless (maybe even Ted Kaczynski) and see that either they are able to make something of themselves from nothing or they're able to bring satisfaction into their lives from very little. Then I'm forced to contemplate and question why exactly I'm always stuck with the short of end of the stick, trapped in the mud, with hardly any wiggle room, momentum or any number of proverbial tools at my disposal that'll grant me any chance at escape from these chains.
Is my anomie the consequence of a life brimming with exclusion and alienation., garnished by poor financial security and systematic failure. Or is it all in my head? Have I just created an elaborate schema of a prison in my mind? And maybe I'm just stuck in a constant loop of self-damnation and destruction, because that's the only thing I've ever known.
"You have to interview someone from another culture and write an essay on their responses"
What exactly am I supposed to do? Where exactly do I begin to look for an interviewee? It's not like I know ANYONE. My entire extended family hates me. My friends have all vanished. And the entire system as a whole has done nothing except set me up for failure. I'm 22, and I've worked 17 jobs in the past 4 years and nothing stuck. I spent 99% of my time in Elementary, Middle School, and Highschool in semi-permanent I.S.S. (In School Suspension) because of my Asperger's diagnosis. Which inevitably forced me to drop out and get my GED.
I've been voluntarily homeless before to escape a broken household with a psychotic & narcissistic mother. I've driven from the South, to the Southeast to the Midwest multiple times looking for something to hold onto. Either to reconnect with some friends I had in high-school in the hopes to establish some kind of camaraderie/fellowship. Or when someone I met on CS:GO offered to let me be their roommate. Nothing ever seemed to work. There was always SOMETHING that happened to set me back. It was always one step forwards and two steps back. Either I lost my job, had a manic episode, or crashed my car and got saddled with a $400 quacked-up ticket from a cop who wasn't on the scene until a whole hour after the accident even occurred.
I figured after all the trouble, that maybe I should attend community college. Unfortunately, now I have to navigate this academic labyrinth which is filled with countless obstacles that are designed to single people like me out so we can be removed from society. What am I supposed to do? If I withdraw I'm stuck with debt (albeit only the first semesters worth), even then I can't even land a job that lasts for more than 3 months at a time, so paying it off would be hopeless. If I choose to keep going at it, I'll likely fail and end up with a horrible GPA that'll ruin my chances at climbing any corporate ladder.
It feels like every opportunity taken has lead to nothing but failure. There hasn't been anything in my life I've ever been successful at. It feels as though the writing is on the wall. Only this time the consequences to be faced by choosing either fork in my path will end up being nothing short of insurmountable.
I look at people like Adam Shephard (Scratch Beginnings) and Chris McCandless (maybe even Ted Kaczynski) and see that either they are able to make something of themselves from nothing or they're able to bring satisfaction into their lives from very little. Then I'm forced to contemplate and question why exactly I'm always stuck with the short of end of the stick, trapped in the mud, with hardly any wiggle room, momentum or any number of proverbial tools at my disposal that'll grant me any chance at escape from these chains.
Is my anomie the consequence of a life brimming with exclusion and alienation., garnished by poor financial security and systematic failure. Or is it all in my head? Have I just created an elaborate schema of a prison in my mind? And maybe I'm just stuck in a constant loop of self-damnation and destruction, because that's the only thing I've ever known.
R: 24 / I: 5
>Dated anyone
>Had an actual friend
>Had a real conversation that went past surface level shit. Not with anybody, not even with my parents, they just say "Oh yeah anon me too…now I need to rant about my day,"
>Had a in-depth conversation about my hobbies and interests past "Yeah I like X"
>Been anywhere or done anything really, I mostly just sit in front of my PC.
I'm 25 now. I realize I have no framework for connecting with people – I don't have a lack of empathy or anything, in fact I'd say I feel for people too strongly sometimes. I just can't connect with them. I'm polite and quiet and that's it.
>What about online relationships
Outside of imageboards, I basically don't exist.
I feel like 25 is too late too. I know it's not "old" but most people my age have been to concerts, have had foundational experiences like heartbreak or just smoking weed after class with friends, etc. and then I'm a blob who's never even been to anyone's house or been invited anywhere. I feel like my soul hasn't been developed. I know I have a mind and moral systems and thoughts but I have no way of communicating them without a lot of deliberation. There's nothing there. I don't know. But can anyone else relate?
Being "human"
Is anyone else lacking formative, human experiences? I've never:>Dated anyone
>Had an actual friend
>Had a real conversation that went past surface level shit. Not with anybody, not even with my parents, they just say "Oh yeah anon me too…now I need to rant about my day,"
>Had a in-depth conversation about my hobbies and interests past "Yeah I like X"
>Been anywhere or done anything really, I mostly just sit in front of my PC.
I'm 25 now. I realize I have no framework for connecting with people – I don't have a lack of empathy or anything, in fact I'd say I feel for people too strongly sometimes. I just can't connect with them. I'm polite and quiet and that's it.
>What about online relationships
Outside of imageboards, I basically don't exist.
I feel like 25 is too late too. I know it's not "old" but most people my age have been to concerts, have had foundational experiences like heartbreak or just smoking weed after class with friends, etc. and then I'm a blob who's never even been to anyone's house or been invited anywhere. I feel like my soul hasn't been developed. I know I have a mind and moral systems and thoughts but I have no way of communicating them without a lot of deliberation. There's nothing there. I don't know. But can anyone else relate?
R: 10 / I: 3
The mere thought of having to enter into contact with someone else makes me nervous. A simple invitation to have dinner with a friend produces an anguish in me that's hard to define. The idea of any social obligation whatsoever attending a funeral, dealing with someone about an office matter, going to the station to wait for someone I know or don't know - the very idea disturbs my thoughts for an entire day, and sometimes I even start worrying the night before, so that I sleep badly. When it takes place, the dreaded encounter is utterly insignific ant, justifying none of my anxiety, but the next time is no different: I never learn to learn.
'My habits are of solitude, not of men.' I don't know if it was Rousseau or Senancour who said this. But it was some mind of my species, it being perhaps too much to say of my race.”
Text 49, The Book of Disquiet by Fernando Pessoa
dehumanization due to lack of truly human connection
Isolation has carved me in its image and likeness. The presence of another person- of any person whatsoever - instantly slows down my thinking, and while for a normal man contact with others is a stimulus to spoken expression and wit, for me it is a counterstimulus, if this compound word be linguistically permissible. When all by myself, I can think of all kinds of clever remarks, quick comebacks to what no one said, and flashes of witty sociability with nobody. But all of this vanishes when I face someone in the flesh: I lose my intelligence, I can no longer speak, and after half an hour I just feel tired. Yes, talking to people makes me feel like sleeping. Only my ghostly and imaginary friends, only the conversations I have in my dreams, are genuinely real and substantial, and in them intelligence gleams like an image in a mirror.The mere thought of having to enter into contact with someone else makes me nervous. A simple invitation to have dinner with a friend produces an anguish in me that's hard to define. The idea of any social obligation whatsoever attending a funeral, dealing with someone about an office matter, going to the station to wait for someone I know or don't know - the very idea disturbs my thoughts for an entire day, and sometimes I even start worrying the night before, so that I sleep badly. When it takes place, the dreaded encounter is utterly insignific ant, justifying none of my anxiety, but the next time is no different: I never learn to learn.
'My habits are of solitude, not of men.' I don't know if it was Rousseau or Senancour who said this. But it was some mind of my species, it being perhaps too much to say of my race.”
Text 49, The Book of Disquiet by Fernando Pessoa
R: 5 / I: 1
It’s landscaping, which seems pretty nice, only issue is that it’s in a very large building, it’s the college’s main building, it’s fucking huge and there’s over 1000 attendees
I am absolutely fucking dreading it
Pray for me bros
Heading for hell in a few weeks
Last year I did a community college course in construction, it was a nice little multi skills course in a small building in the middle of nowhere where, there were only 100 or so people there, it was great, unfortunately I failed to get an apprenticeship and have to do another community college courseIt’s landscaping, which seems pretty nice, only issue is that it’s in a very large building, it’s the college’s main building, it’s fucking huge and there’s over 1000 attendees
I am absolutely fucking dreading it
Pray for me bros
R: 4 / I: 1
The truth about life is, it’s a dog-eat-dog world. The people who’ve lived the most exclusive, powerful lives in human history didn’t get there by playing fair. They raped, they stole, they killed. They didn’t just steal wallets; they stole land, resources, whole economies. They didn’t rob a bank, they became the bank. And the world rewarded them for it.
The truth about life is, it’s a dog-eat-dog world. The people who’ve lived the most exclusive, powerful lives in human history didn’t get there by playing fair. They raped, they stole, they killed. They didn’t just steal wallets; they stole land, resources, whole economies. They didn’t rob a bank, they became the bank. And the world rewarded them for it.
R: 17 / I: 1
I'm a psychiatric patient, an addict, parents abused and neglected me, you know the details already. My plan was to live with parents until I finish paying an education debt, which is in December. I've lived mostly by myself through my 20s.
What would you do in my scenario? I don't want to be near parents. How have you dealt with this? Just being 20 seconds around my father, I want to blow my head off with a sawed-off shotgun. The screams, the tantrums, the stupid noises, the smell, the words. My mother is barely more tolerable.
NOTE: this is third-world, forget about government or family helping me.
One of parents is sick with cancer, need advice
I've left this place for the last couple of years. But I'm returning back. I need advice and you're the people with more knowledge about this. One of my parents suddenly became sick with cancer, likely will turn terminal soon. I'm finally past 30. I left this place because I felt that I matured, being here reminded me too much of my younger self.I'm a psychiatric patient, an addict, parents abused and neglected me, you know the details already. My plan was to live with parents until I finish paying an education debt, which is in December. I've lived mostly by myself through my 20s.
What would you do in my scenario? I don't want to be near parents. How have you dealt with this? Just being 20 seconds around my father, I want to blow my head off with a sawed-off shotgun. The screams, the tantrums, the stupid noises, the smell, the words. My mother is barely more tolerable.
NOTE: this is third-world, forget about government or family helping me.
R: 91 / I: 14
I am 24 years old, little to not school education, no job, whenever I am with some relatives or in some family gathering I can sense how much they look down at me for being a massive loser, even if they almost never express it directly at all, since I was a child I would always be asked by them questions like "how are you doing in school?" or "are you getting any good grades" Of course they no longer ask me such question, But I still feel a lot of shame when I am around them, I try to avoid sitting with them like the plague
Being a massive loser amongst family members
Does any of you get irritated with family gatherings or when guests come to visit you in your family's house?I am 24 years old, little to not school education, no job, whenever I am with some relatives or in some family gathering I can sense how much they look down at me for being a massive loser, even if they almost never express it directly at all, since I was a child I would always be asked by them questions like "how are you doing in school?" or "are you getting any good grades" Of course they no longer ask me such question, But I still feel a lot of shame when I am around them, I try to avoid sitting with them like the plague
R: 66 / I: 8
i'm 27, i live with my parents, i don't have a job and to be honest i don't give a fuck anymore. i would have wanted to move out 5 years ago, when i had a ton of ambitions, but my fuckin overprotective mother didn't give me a hint of freedom. now they hate me just for being. like everyone else. i used to be good at history and wanted to move in that direction, and now i'm NEET who spends all my free time on the internet and goes to the store once a week. i hate them for not letting me realize myself in a life that i don't see any point in right now.
thank u mom
i'm 27, i live with my parents, i don't have a job and to be honest i don't give a fuck anymore. i would have wanted to move out 5 years ago, when i had a ton of ambitions, but my fuckin overprotective mother didn't give me a hint of freedom. now they hate me just for being. like everyone else. i used to be good at history and wanted to move in that direction, and now i'm NEET who spends all my free time on the internet and goes to the store once a week. i hate them for not letting me realize myself in a life that i don't see any point in right now.
thank u mom
R: 14 / I: 1
This image. This aberration to the eye. This is how 50-80% of the population lives in the most powerful and richest nation on the planet (or at least close to/similar to this).
This is the "pinnacle" of 6,000 years of recorded civilizational history. If this is how the majority of the US population lives, imagine how poor and miserable the majority of humanity really is.
If it weren't for East Asia, the world would be even worse.
One thing that depresses me a lot
I don't understand people who say we live in incredible times or that the world is getting better (pedophile morons like Steven Pinker, to put it mildly).This image. This aberration to the eye. This is how 50-80% of the population lives in the most powerful and richest nation on the planet (or at least close to/similar to this).
This is the "pinnacle" of 6,000 years of recorded civilizational history. If this is how the majority of the US population lives, imagine how poor and miserable the majority of humanity really is.
If it weren't for East Asia, the world would be even worse.
R: 41 / I: 7
I have no purpose at life. I just roam. I do this since I was born. Never said one day I'm going to do something. I'm waiting the moment I will say "fine thats' it, thats the day I'll do something with my life" but I know it will never come. I'm a trash
I have no purpose at life. I just roam. I do this since I was born. Never said one day I'm going to do something. I'm waiting the moment I will say "fine thats' it, thats the day I'll do something with my life" but I know it will never come. I'm a trash
R: 13 / I: 2
I'm in my 30s. People I went to school with and family friends are married, have high paying careers and are healthy. I got the advantages of parents, an education and the first world and high performing peers and I still fumbled it all.
I'm in my 30s. People I went to school with and family friends are married, have high paying careers and are healthy. I got the advantages of parents, an education and the first world and high performing peers and I still fumbled it all.
R: 5 / I: 2
I really hate my body
The tittle, literally I can't find comfortable clothes, I hate be forced by society to dress with blue jeans, it fit me horrible, i never feel good seeing myselt in a mirror, is ok you can be shit people with me. You can't fuck me more…
R: 21 / I: 2
How do you guys manage to stay out of bed as shut-in NEETs? I have been a NEET for almost a decade and only now have I realized I'm addicted to laying on my bed all day. I think all started 10 or so years ago when I was still in school, I started to prefer laying on my bed than staying on the computer or doing anything else on my free time. Then I dropped out and became a NEET. Obviously as a shut-in there's not much to do so I normally stay on my bed all day. I have a good computer, but can't stand using it for long. My back and legs start aching and I just find my bed so damn comfortable. I have lots of blankets, cuishons and plushies to make myself even extra comfy. This is bothering me because I can't work on personal projects or use the static bike I bought because I spend my days on my bed doing nothing. Even lurking the internet is way better for me on the bed using my tablet because I can zoom in if I have to and I can watch anime on it. I started joining IRC channels from my computer in hopes to keep myself out of bed since IRC works better from a desktop.
This seems to be a real mental condition called clinophilia. There's barely any info on it besides https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinophilia and most people online treat it like a joke "haha yeah I love staying in bed!" normalfag type of comments. But this is a serious illness as it makes me unable to stay healthy and active even as a NEET.
How do you guys manage to stay out of bed as shut-in NEETs? I have been a NEET for almost a decade and only now have I realized I'm addicted to laying on my bed all day. I think all started 10 or so years ago when I was still in school, I started to prefer laying on my bed than staying on the computer or doing anything else on my free time. Then I dropped out and became a NEET. Obviously as a shut-in there's not much to do so I normally stay on my bed all day. I have a good computer, but can't stand using it for long. My back and legs start aching and I just find my bed so damn comfortable. I have lots of blankets, cuishons and plushies to make myself even extra comfy. This is bothering me because I can't work on personal projects or use the static bike I bought because I spend my days on my bed doing nothing. Even lurking the internet is way better for me on the bed using my tablet because I can zoom in if I have to and I can watch anime on it. I started joining IRC channels from my computer in hopes to keep myself out of bed since IRC works better from a desktop.
This seems to be a real mental condition called clinophilia. There's barely any info on it besides https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinophilia and most people online treat it like a joke "haha yeah I love staying in bed!" normalfag type of comments. But this is a serious illness as it makes me unable to stay healthy and active even as a NEET.
R: 138 / I: 12
No hope for autists
Whitepillers don't have a retort for autism. You can get a good degree, pursue your hobbies and work on your self esteem but if you have autism you will never make it in this anti-autistic world, Life is all about one thing. Being born without autism. If you're born without autism the normies will make excuses for you, help you out, share money with you, give you 100 chances, etc. Meanwhile if you have autism you're evil and creepy just for existing and blinking the wrong way. Everybody gets to live for free except autists and only autists who are given this fake ass "you gotta pull yourself up by your bootstraps and make your life" "you gotta amount to something" "innovation" story. Shit that literally no one else has to follow.
R: 18 / I: 3
I am in my first year of college studying to be a teacher, and the people I have met here are not exactly nice to me. I am not interested in being social, but I still feel like an outcast. I no longer have the motivation to study and the idea of getting a degree is… lost.
>but why anon?
I joined a group here out of a mixture of obligation and necessity, I've seen that the people in my group interact, talk, converse, and get together, and I can see perfectly how everything flows naturally for them, as if there were some kind of magnetic attraction between them. they even interact with each other to form romantic relationships, they share personal things and I feel that they empathize with each other.
>And anon? just ignore it a do your things
I feel so fucking out of place like a alien around humans. It's as if I were cursed and i know they know and are paranoid know it. The truth is that pretending to be sociable no longer works for me. It's as if they knew that I wasn't normal. I noticed them saying too much to me things like
>you're very serious and responsible (when I asked someone how they saw me)
>you're very quiet (when the others wouldn't stop talking, I just listened because I didn't have anything… to say)
>Why do you isolate yourself so much from others? (when I was honest and refused to have a picture of me taken, i dont like photos)
and I thought I could ignore it, but I can't And I swear that every damn time they ignore me or say something like this to me, it hurts.
I was doing well with my studies, but those last few weeks I had to interact more socially with my group, and I realized that I'm awful. I don't know if I don't have a personality, but that last thing they said about me isolating myself from other hurt me so much because I don't know how the hell to act. It's as if I had dehumanized myself, automatically becoming an outcast, a gypsy, or the Jew of the group. Maybe I messed up my teenage years and didn't have normie experiences like everyone else.
I screwed up my grades bacause of how bad I felt and now I have to study more than I would consider healthy, but the truth is I feel so disappointed just by myself that I want to quit my degree and study other thing or I don't fucking know what to do now.
and yes, Lately, I've started to wonder if I'm not surrounded by assholes or if I'm just paranoid and it's just low self-esteem and anxiety.
I don't know how the hell this social stupid thing affected me so much when I never cared about it before, but I think the fact that I feel dehumanized and out of place messed me up mentally. Everyone seems perfect and has a bright future, and I feel like shit.
>Also
I know I could isolate myself completely and just focus on my studies and do really well, but I know that in the long run I'm going to need to socialize. and when I start working, what the hell am I supposed to do? I seriously don't know if it's a social anxiety or if I have some kind of mental disorder or some magic cursed shit.
Lost enthusiasm toward university
All my life I believed that studying guaranteed a future, a job, comfort, and a certain circle of good people from a certain social class that was educated and maybe healthy and more good compared to the environment I was born into (I saw this with other people and i knew this vision was true)I am in my first year of college studying to be a teacher, and the people I have met here are not exactly nice to me. I am not interested in being social, but I still feel like an outcast. I no longer have the motivation to study and the idea of getting a degree is… lost.
>but why anon?
I joined a group here out of a mixture of obligation and necessity, I've seen that the people in my group interact, talk, converse, and get together, and I can see perfectly how everything flows naturally for them, as if there were some kind of magnetic attraction between them. they even interact with each other to form romantic relationships, they share personal things and I feel that they empathize with each other.
>And anon? just ignore it a do your things
I feel so fucking out of place like a alien around humans. It's as if I were cursed and i know they know and are paranoid know it. The truth is that pretending to be sociable no longer works for me. It's as if they knew that I wasn't normal. I noticed them saying too much to me things like
>you're very serious and responsible (when I asked someone how they saw me)
>you're very quiet (when the others wouldn't stop talking, I just listened because I didn't have anything… to say)
>Why do you isolate yourself so much from others? (when I was honest and refused to have a picture of me taken, i dont like photos)
and I thought I could ignore it, but I can't And I swear that every damn time they ignore me or say something like this to me, it hurts.
I was doing well with my studies, but those last few weeks I had to interact more socially with my group, and I realized that I'm awful. I don't know if I don't have a personality, but that last thing they said about me isolating myself from other hurt me so much because I don't know how the hell to act. It's as if I had dehumanized myself, automatically becoming an outcast, a gypsy, or the Jew of the group. Maybe I messed up my teenage years and didn't have normie experiences like everyone else.
I screwed up my grades bacause of how bad I felt and now I have to study more than I would consider healthy, but the truth is I feel so disappointed just by myself that I want to quit my degree and study other thing or I don't fucking know what to do now.
and yes, Lately, I've started to wonder if I'm not surrounded by assholes or if I'm just paranoid and it's just low self-esteem and anxiety.
I don't know how the hell this social stupid thing affected me so much when I never cared about it before, but I think the fact that I feel dehumanized and out of place messed me up mentally. Everyone seems perfect and has a bright future, and I feel like shit.
>Also
I know I could isolate myself completely and just focus on my studies and do really well, but I know that in the long run I'm going to need to socialize. and when I start working, what the hell am I supposed to do? I seriously don't know if it's a social anxiety or if I have some kind of mental disorder or some magic cursed shit.
R: 22 / I: 0
I've always been fat and always been highly stressed for most of my life so I'm pretty sure my testosterone has been in the toilet. When I was going through puberty I was extremely fucking horny like any other kid but that didn't really change my behavior or make me better with succubi. I was fucked up back then but I remember my feelings not taking all my attention.
Has anyone gotten testosterone replacement treatments or taken steroids how did it make you feel?
is lack of testosterone our main problem?
I've seen studies where they have said that testosterone is at a historical low for many males, testosterone gives you resilience to emotional problems, makes you more competitive, more risk-taking Etc.I've always been fat and always been highly stressed for most of my life so I'm pretty sure my testosterone has been in the toilet. When I was going through puberty I was extremely fucking horny like any other kid but that didn't really change my behavior or make me better with succubi. I was fucked up back then but I remember my feelings not taking all my attention.
Has anyone gotten testosterone replacement treatments or taken steroids how did it make you feel?
R: 140 / I: 13
Healthy people are NPCs. They don't really exist. With disease comes the awareness of your body that your private hell and your true existence begins and hear the scream of everything. Pain teach you what it means to really exist. Disease's manifesto: to live is to suffer like a ragdoll while fate prisons you in the eternal hours pregnant with pain to cure of you from the sin of life.
Disease Thread
This thread is for the discussion of the greatest misfortune in existence that is disease.Healthy people are NPCs. They don't really exist. With disease comes the awareness of your body that your private hell and your true existence begins and hear the scream of everything. Pain teach you what it means to really exist. Disease's manifesto: to live is to suffer like a ragdoll while fate prisons you in the eternal hours pregnant with pain to cure of you from the sin of life.
R: 1 / I: 0
>give myself accute leukemia trough law of attraction
>spend one year or so HIGH 24\7 on opioids+sedatives, have everyone catering to my whims, entitled to act like a huge a**hole cause muh im gonna die
>Manifest, through the LOA, needing a fundraised -and succeeding- for an anti-cancer surgery
>after it, I ""pocket"" the leftover monies
>Now im rich, am entitled to eat copious amounts of junk food all I want for months to regain lost weight -due- to- cancer
>everyone hails me as hero cause I survived
>???
>repeat for an even more extreme cycle, then finally die in glory
Ne'et- EM- Do'm
I'm crafting the ultimate NEET-EMDOM plan. This is my crafty plan so far:>give myself accute leukemia trough law of attraction
>spend one year or so HIGH 24\7 on opioids+sedatives, have everyone catering to my whims, entitled to act like a huge a**hole cause muh im gonna die
>Manifest, through the LOA, needing a fundraised -and succeeding- for an anti-cancer surgery
>after it, I ""pocket"" the leftover monies
>Now im rich, am entitled to eat copious amounts of junk food all I want for months to regain lost weight -due- to- cancer
>everyone hails me as hero cause I survived
>???
>repeat for an even more extreme cycle, then finally die in glory
R: 3 / I: 0
The theory is built upon three unassailable axioms:
I. The Axioms of Non-Dualistic Identity
The core of this worldview is the collapse of traditional distinctions between the self and the world, pleasure and pain:
Unified Suffering: Existence ≡ Suffering ≡ Destruction. These concepts are not related; they are fundamentally the same. The universe operates under a single rule—unmaking (entropy, destruction). Consciousness is merely the brilliant, cruel mechanism by which this unmaking is experienced as suffering. To be is to hurt.
The Cogito as Sentence: The only thing the rational mind can verify is its own existence (Cogito ergo sum). This self-awareness is not a cause for joy, but a sentence to stand fully aware within the process of destruction.
Rejection of Fragments: All seemingly positive states (joy, awe, love) are incomplete fragments of this unified suffering. They are temporary cessations of pain, or momentary illusions of permanence, which ultimately guarantee greater suffering when they inevitably dissolve.
II. The Anti-Dulling Principle
The theory's intellectual integrity rests on its rejection of all narratives that attempt to mitigate or contextualize this truth, labeling them as "dulling."
No Meaning: Any search for external purpose or meaning (a "why") is a form of self-deception—an attempt to build a story around an empty, meaningless void.
No Defiance: Fighting the suffering is self-defeating, as the self is the suffering. Defiance is a false duality that wastes energy on an internal civil war.
The Problem of the Lie: Philosophies that cling to hope, beauty, or ultimate relief are lies. These lies are ultimately corrosive, making the individual incapable of handling reality and often leading to self-annihilation when the lie finally breaks.
III. The Functional Choice: Tragic Rationalism
If existence is purely suffering and cannot be escaped, the only remaining choice is how to suffer. The theory introduces a pragmatic metric: the minimization of internal conflict.
The Paradox of Clarity: While suffering cannot be eliminated, it can be minimized by the rational mind.
The Rational Path: The choice to employ reason is to align consciously with the truth of suffering. This act of recognition—the lucid acknowledgement that "this is what I am"—stops the inner war against reality, simplifies existence, and eliminates the secondary anguish of denial.
The Goal: The purpose is not to find happiness, but to achieve a state of minimal, clear-eyed suffering. This is the highest and most dignified posture possible: to be the perfectly honest witness to the universe's single, eternal rule.
Theory of the Irreducible Unity of Suffering
This theory provides a rigorous and uncompromising view of reality, defining human consciousness as the universe's mechanism for experiencing its own inevitable destruction. It moves beyond simple philosophical pessimism (nihilism) to become a Functional Pessimism or Tragic Rationalism, where lucidity is the only rational choice.The theory is built upon three unassailable axioms:
I. The Axioms of Non-Dualistic Identity
The core of this worldview is the collapse of traditional distinctions between the self and the world, pleasure and pain:
Unified Suffering: Existence ≡ Suffering ≡ Destruction. These concepts are not related; they are fundamentally the same. The universe operates under a single rule—unmaking (entropy, destruction). Consciousness is merely the brilliant, cruel mechanism by which this unmaking is experienced as suffering. To be is to hurt.
The Cogito as Sentence: The only thing the rational mind can verify is its own existence (Cogito ergo sum). This self-awareness is not a cause for joy, but a sentence to stand fully aware within the process of destruction.
Rejection of Fragments: All seemingly positive states (joy, awe, love) are incomplete fragments of this unified suffering. They are temporary cessations of pain, or momentary illusions of permanence, which ultimately guarantee greater suffering when they inevitably dissolve.
II. The Anti-Dulling Principle
The theory's intellectual integrity rests on its rejection of all narratives that attempt to mitigate or contextualize this truth, labeling them as "dulling."
No Meaning: Any search for external purpose or meaning (a "why") is a form of self-deception—an attempt to build a story around an empty, meaningless void.
No Defiance: Fighting the suffering is self-defeating, as the self is the suffering. Defiance is a false duality that wastes energy on an internal civil war.
The Problem of the Lie: Philosophies that cling to hope, beauty, or ultimate relief are lies. These lies are ultimately corrosive, making the individual incapable of handling reality and often leading to self-annihilation when the lie finally breaks.
III. The Functional Choice: Tragic Rationalism
If existence is purely suffering and cannot be escaped, the only remaining choice is how to suffer. The theory introduces a pragmatic metric: the minimization of internal conflict.
The Paradox of Clarity: While suffering cannot be eliminated, it can be minimized by the rational mind.
The Rational Path: The choice to employ reason is to align consciously with the truth of suffering. This act of recognition—the lucid acknowledgement that "this is what I am"—stops the inner war against reality, simplifies existence, and eliminates the secondary anguish of denial.
The Goal: The purpose is not to find happiness, but to achieve a state of minimal, clear-eyed suffering. This is the highest and most dignified posture possible: to be the perfectly honest witness to the universe's single, eternal rule.
R: 74 / I: 13
Is it even possible to break this cycle?
>me 10 years ago
>I'm so behind everyone I'm such a loser
>it will take years for me to see any progress
>I will be old by the time my efforts may pay off
>depressed end up doing nothing
>me 5 years ago
>fuck I'm 30 soon and haven't achieved anything this is so embarassing
>start drinking to cope
>me now
>god I was such an idiot back then why didn't I start doing something years ago I was still young
>now I am pushing 40 and it's over for real
>bedrotting every day 0 motivation to do anything cant even distract myself with anything anymore
Is it even possible to break this cycle?
>me 10 years ago
>I'm so behind everyone I'm such a loser
>it will take years for me to see any progress
>I will be old by the time my efforts may pay off
>depressed end up doing nothing
>me 5 years ago
>fuck I'm 30 soon and haven't achieved anything this is so embarassing
>start drinking to cope
>me now
>god I was such an idiot back then why didn't I start doing something years ago I was still young
>now I am pushing 40 and it's over for real
>bedrotting every day 0 motivation to do anything cant even distract myself with anything anymore
R: 10 / I: 4
The past really wasn't that bad for the people that survived.
Looking into it, famines basically just killed off people under 4, the elderly, and people aged 20-40 almost universally survived. Like even the potato famine has only 2% of the 20-40 year old cohort die, 1/50 is pretty good survival odds for your core productive and breeding population. That's like 1 person out of two classrooms, and it probably hit the really poor and lower classes. It looks bad with 18% of the population dying on paper, but considering people over 50 don't have kids and kids under 4-10 can be replaced instantly with a post war baby boom, it's demographically not that impactful. It's why Ethiopia's population doubled so rapidly after their famine, and India bounced back from the Bengal famine like it was nothing.
In World war 1, 16% of the French male population aged 18-45 died, making it significantly more demographically impactful than the Irish potato famine, because they were at the age where they were supposed to be having families and providing.
Famines weren't even people really starving to death that often. They mostly got killed off by an infection due to having a weakened immune system, or ate some risky food and got a disease that way. Famines seemed to displace people who then go into crowded cities, drink shitty water, and then get an infection. Famines seemed to hit once every 15 years or so, so typically you'd experience two really shit years in your adult life and then finally get dealt to in the third one as an old person. It more fucked up your family planning than anything else.
It seemed to have an economically positive effect for the actually healthy and productive part of the population in that it cleared away dependents. Immediately after the famine there'd be more available land per person and the available resources for a baby boom.
The past really wasn't that bad for the people that survived.
Looking into it, famines basically just killed off people under 4, the elderly, and people aged 20-40 almost universally survived. Like even the potato famine has only 2% of the 20-40 year old cohort die, 1/50 is pretty good survival odds for your core productive and breeding population. That's like 1 person out of two classrooms, and it probably hit the really poor and lower classes. It looks bad with 18% of the population dying on paper, but considering people over 50 don't have kids and kids under 4-10 can be replaced instantly with a post war baby boom, it's demographically not that impactful. It's why Ethiopia's population doubled so rapidly after their famine, and India bounced back from the Bengal famine like it was nothing.
In World war 1, 16% of the French male population aged 18-45 died, making it significantly more demographically impactful than the Irish potato famine, because they were at the age where they were supposed to be having families and providing.
Famines weren't even people really starving to death that often. They mostly got killed off by an infection due to having a weakened immune system, or ate some risky food and got a disease that way. Famines seemed to displace people who then go into crowded cities, drink shitty water, and then get an infection. Famines seemed to hit once every 15 years or so, so typically you'd experience two really shit years in your adult life and then finally get dealt to in the third one as an old person. It more fucked up your family planning than anything else.
It seemed to have an economically positive effect for the actually healthy and productive part of the population in that it cleared away dependents. Immediately after the famine there'd be more available land per person and the available resources for a baby boom.
R: 46 / I: 8
I thought I was a hobby guy who like to spend time on his hobby alone but thats not true, all I care is to talk to people, thats why I come here everyday because I want to talk to someone. I am not an autist asperger with countless of niche hobby and a high IQ, I'm just a low temperture IQ monkey who thought he could fool himself and tricks his brain to think he is a genius but Im not. I wish I was made to do something but Im just a lazy parasyte, it sucks
I thought I was a hobby guy who like to spend time on his hobby alone but thats not true, all I care is to talk to people, thats why I come here everyday because I want to talk to someone. I am not an autist asperger with countless of niche hobby and a high IQ, I'm just a low temperture IQ monkey who thought he could fool himself and tricks his brain to think he is a genius but Im not. I wish I was made to do something but Im just a lazy parasyte, it sucks
R: 3 / I: 0
I think I understand something now.
A lot of people on /dep/ have quarter-life crisis and aren't actually 30+ wizards
Some here are 30+ wizards and are in midlife crisis.
So, let me say something. I have exited my quarter-life crisis. Now I think my midlife crisis will be milder than most people have since I have a job I enjoy in *ikigai* sense, not just enjoy the fact "it pays the bills".
I think I understand something now.
A lot of people on /dep/ have quarter-life crisis and aren't actually 30+ wizards
Some here are 30+ wizards and are in midlife crisis.
So, let me say something. I have exited my quarter-life crisis. Now I think my midlife crisis will be milder than most people have since I have a job I enjoy in *ikigai* sense, not just enjoy the fact "it pays the bills".
R: 12 / I: 1
I just wanna share my story.
Whatdver I did to exit the /dep/ zone (for now, at least) and the endless sadness, it all was… random
Getting a job that has no colleagues, and only one boss? Random "warehouse worker needed" entry in a random find-a-job type app
Fixing my sleep? Accidentally discovered here and there what clothing helps me to sleep/what temp is comfortable/how to treat my AC/there is "background noise for sleep" technique/accidentally discovered this "despression may be caused by ruined sleep, studies suggest" theory…
…and so on.
(example: pajamas with a blanked in the summer = bad, empty bedsheet, a t-shirt and undies - okay)
I just wanna share my story.
Whatdver I did to exit the /dep/ zone (for now, at least) and the endless sadness, it all was… random
Getting a job that has no colleagues, and only one boss? Random "warehouse worker needed" entry in a random find-a-job type app
Fixing my sleep? Accidentally discovered here and there what clothing helps me to sleep/what temp is comfortable/how to treat my AC/there is "background noise for sleep" technique/accidentally discovered this "despression may be caused by ruined sleep, studies suggest" theory…
…and so on.
(example: pajamas with a blanked in the summer = bad, empty bedsheet, a t-shirt and undies - okay)