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/dep/ - Depression

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R: 92 / I: 7

Wageslave General

nothing makes sense edition

previous >>281123
R: 42 / I: 1
Have any of you guys tried to cure your depression with cannabis?

>OP must be at least 75 chars.
R: 266 / I: 26

Suicide General - Pure Agony Edition

Suicide general, - Discuss everything suicide related here.

R: 91 / I: 25

In search of the saddest image in the world

Post the saddest images you have/have seen on the internet, it can be drawing or 3D
R: 234 / I: 14

Traumatic Experiences

Share your various traumatic experiences that still haunts you to this very day.
R: 11 / I: 0
I have nothing to live for. I just roam in this world. I do what people told me to do. I have not strengh to tell them no or tell them to fuck off. I am an empty shell. and when I show contestation it got reproof. this add to my ongoing depression. no one is on my side. everyone is against me. I don't even enjoy talking to people because I have nothing to talk about with them. I don't even enjoy things. the only hobbies I have are total shit and get me bored quickly. I'm not smart, I have no energy. I must fake everything even my mood when around others.

I'll get znswers on this thread but will people answering truely understant me? No. they can't and even if I'd say everything is wrong in my life they will still not understand and it sucks. people are jerks I fucking hate them.

I'm just tired. my body is tired physically speaking, my mind is rotten by dopamine and bbc porn.

>what is bothering you

well, here's my story:
I psychoticized my neighbors 3-4 years ago. I thought he hacked us and I couldn't sleep at night because of it. One day I lost my temper and banged on the bathroom door. I was sent to the psychiatric hospital. I was too weak to justify myself so I bought into the lie that I was hearing voices. and after that, I was diagnosed with schizophrenia. WHILE I DON'T HAVE SCHIZOPHRENIA. I don't hear voices or see things. I just had a delusional episode and it gave me the label of schizophrenia, whatever! and now I have to stay in a therapeutic apartment that they force me to stay in because they think it helps me. I've had it up to here!

see why I'm sad. I'm trapped like a bird in a cage. and you know what a bird trapped are like? they stress up when they're locked up and shit all over the floor because they aren't free. this is the same for me.

I don't even know…I don't even know if I'll get you know what all I'll get is a meme answers from you because for now that's all I got for answers from people around me. and that's the same meme answers I'll get from here.
hell I even might be sharing my problems with normalfags are the one who put me in this position
fuck it, I'm not free and I am sad because of that
R: 133 / I: 33

Depression Crawl Thread LXI

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.

Previous: >>285150
R: 109 / I: 7

Anti-Suicide General

The purpose of this thread is to counter the general tenor of sadness that defines all the other threads. This thread will therefore feature practical advice about reducing suicidal behavior even when we feel most suicidal. Naturally, being that I started the topic, I will be the first to contribute.

(1) Know that I care about you guys deeply and sincerely. Call me a faggot, I don't care.
(2) Examine what you are eating. For example, gluten especially produces depressive/psychotic episodes in sensitive autistic individuals. Sugar also is not healthy for your brain.
(3) Make sure you are getting sufficient sleep. Chronic sleeplessness or even a few days' worth of irregular sleep can seriously interfere with the clarity of our thinking.
(4) Clean up. Taking a warm shower and putting on fresh clean clothes always is refreshing and helps to break up darkened mental habits.
(5) Breathe fresh air. Open the windows to your wiz-cave and allow some wind to come in.
(6) Watch your breathing. When we are panicked, our breathing can become very disordered and we do not recognize the effect this has on our thinking. Take deep, purposeful breaths, and collect your thoughts.
(7) Respect yourself. You have done your best to survive in an awful world, and you should grant yourself forgiveness for any mistakes and the allowance to rest with a composed and balanced mind.

I've done my part. Anyone else?
R: 223 / I: 28

How do I cope with being ugly

It's like no matter how neurotypical I try to be or how positive or outspoken I try to be, it just rubs "normies" the wrong way.

It's as if everyone has an 'autism radar' from the moment they see your face. Do people like me who are on the spectrum somehow transmit that information through facial features?
It doesn't even matter if I'm putting on a straight face, or smiling or whatever, people even at school used to ask me if I'm autistic.

It's impossible to fit into society when people just look at you and instantly see you as non-neurotypical. I even got rid of my glasses with LASIK but somehow I still have that 'nerdy' asperger face which people associate with weirdness and 'being different'.
R: 60 / I: 1

It sucks to be a physical freak

If my problems were purely emotional I think I could cope. But I have physical flaws that make me feel like a freak and hated by anyone who isn't family. I've got Seb derm on my face, and I've seen many dermatologists and tried every over the counter treatment possible, but nothing in the long-term has helped. It looks awful and the only option I have to is to wear cover-up (though I'm a guy), but that's noticeable too. I also have head tremors that look especially odd when I walk or drive a car. And on top of that i have a stutter, which can only be hidden when i don't talk (obviously), but is quite noticeable in most conversations. These things make me terribly anxious to be around people. I've tried to come to terms with my physical flaws, but I just can't. Every time I go outside I feel like everyone's eyes are on me. I'm jealous of people whose problems are just mental.
R: 86 / I: 11

semen retention is my only goal and skill

So far, I have, Im having, wet dreams every 7 or 11 days. sometimes 2 in 10 days. so, its not TRUE Retention. I feel SR, the true deal, is my only goal, skill and boon.
I can't join the military ,or the police, or explore the planet, or be a billionarie. But I can Retain for 200 days with 0 wet dreams. i would be in the top 0,00000001% of men alive on the planet (or in the ISS- where they wank). I would be a living Relic.
truly, its the only esoteric and practical skill Im bright at. and its becoming my only goal, to which achievement I devoted extensive and grueling study and operations.
R: 1 / I: 0
I'm starting to wonder if I've actually had the urge to talk to a person. I don't know if I can remember the last time I talked to a human being and left happier than I entered. Why do I need to force myself to do something that should be by all means a human instinct?
R: 78 / I: 2

being bald feels like a death sentence

I've been on finasteride for 2 years and I just lost my job and had to move back with my parents and I noticed that my hairline is receding it looks bad, my hair is thinning too, even the back and sides are thinning so I will never be able to get a hair transplant. I've always been anxious about going bald because I have a really bad head shape and I just don't look good without hair, or well, i look worse than with full head of hair.
Balding young is fucking brutal and I don't feel like wearing a fedora or beanies it will make it all more obvious, i feel a pain in my chest and all this stress is causing me to lose more and more hair im in my early 20s but i look now like my male relatives who are full in their 50s.
I can't hide it and I don't want to be that bald guy everyone mocks.
Why it had to be me, wizards? I'm short and now balding, fucking life sucks and did nothing to deserve this.
R: 27 / I: 3

It's over - thread for the doomed

Hello. Despite this being a depression board, it seems most people are still around trying to do something. I am in a situation where except dying there is nothing to do, so i decided to make a thread wondering if there are any other people like me online, since it's almost impossible to find anyone even on the outskirts of the internet.

tl;dr i have countless diagnosed and undiagnosed physical illnesses which cause me agony daily and i feel like i'm dying every day, spent all my money on doctors and went into debt, cant make any more money, will eventually be homeless(can happen at any time), addicted to xanax that if i quit im gonna get seizures, i will never have a normal home(never had my own room) or family(mentally retarded?) not to mention my mental health problems etc.
Overall I guess I have around 10 major problems of which each is lethal and will kill me, and 100s of minor ones(which a normal person would consider unbearable). I have nothing and noone, my life self-destructed this the year and it's been half a year of pointless suffering knowing i'm gonna die anyway. I just couldn't push myself to end it since i'm the biggest coward in this world.
I guess i'm not sure if there's anything to talk about, since everyone in similar situations is either dead or sleeping under the bridge and dying. I just lost interest in talking to anyone since I know they can't comprehend my situation at all. Even on suicide forums maybe even 1 person out of 100 is in a situation comparable to mine. So I just made this pointless thread.
If life is truly over for you, and you don't know what to do, this thread is for you.
R: 17 / I: 1

It feels like goodness only exists in fiction

I hate to say it because i was an idealist raised by tv and books, but it seems like good people, for me, only exist in fiction.

for so long i clung to believe in it, because fiction was my world. but if i had 1 drop of Empiricism in me, I would have been a Hobbesian from Kindergarten on.

Its crazy to think that 100% of my human interactions have been negative, and anyone outside of wizchan would think i was exaggerating.

the closest thing to goodness I've known is the politeness and civility of NPCs just going through the motions, reading the standard script of shallow interaction to me.

well the idiot is me, for seeing good people in movies, and thinking that is reality. without seeing it IRL 1st.

jokes on me for expecting more out of darwinian apes
R: 36 / I: 3

I'm in hell

I genuinely cannot see how this world could be anything but hell. It's as if everything has been finely crafted for my suffering and misery. I'm not even in an incredibly poor or war torn area, but I know that I do not, and could not ever have the means to do anything with it. If you took any random street shitter from Mumbai, they would be more capable than me. They are stronger than me, and are more fit for survival in this world than me. The same could be said of nearly any person if you were to choose someone random 1000 times. I am weak. I am hideous. I am mentally deficient. I am utterly incompetent and incapable of doing anything that could make my life better in any way. My life is just a train crash that I am forced to slowly watch while knowing there is nothing I can do but take a seat and wait for oblivion. I do not see how this could even be an accident. I got one in a couple billion shit luck, and you mean to tell me this is just the result of randomness? No, there is definitely something out there that sent me here to suffer. There's no way. I can't accept anything else.
R: 2 / I: 1

How to create a tulpa?

I don't want anything sexual, I just want a friend to help me get through the loneliness and motivate me not to procrastinate and take the path of action in real life. (I thought it could help me quit porn and internet use)
R: 84 / I: 10

How do we get used to it?

How are we supposed to get used to loneliness and the fact that our life is fucked up?
Here's my resume: never had any friends, bullied during school, uni dropout but basically never went to high school, very poor (no income), obviously never had any gf, the last time I talked someone my age was since high school basically. I can't get used to the loneliness… I also have a very poor health, and no one to help me with it.

What's your life status and how do you cope with it?

I personally try to cope with video games, anime and a bit of drug (alcohol and opioid mostly). But that hardly works… Sometimes I'm into my game or I'm high enough to be ok, but most of the time I'm depressed or suffering or both. I wish I were dead since I'm 12, I'm 25 now.
R: 136 / I: 18

How do I as a Poor Retarded Pajeet make peace with the fact that I'll never get to live in America?

I know that majority of Indians will probably never leave India. But I grew up watching American movies as a kid, I was frequently bullied by my parents and people around me which made me seek un-Indian media, an escapism of sorts. And some of the happiest memories of my shitty childhood involve watching movies like 'Dr. Dolittle', 'Home Alone', and 'Baby's Day Out', I have always dreamt of how cool life could be in America, with sexy highways, unbelievably beautiful nature, big houses, pick-up trucks, polite people, less pollution, and incredibly minuscule population density compared to the shithole where I live.

Are there any turd worlders here who understand my pain? How do you cope? I have tried cutting media and shows from the first world, as they make me feel miserable afterwards, but watching them is just too addicting.
R: 41 / I: 10

Death of the Uncool

Death of the Uncool - End of the Wizards V

Watching Geekdom get absorbed into the monoculture over the last decade (and then some) has been a pretty demoralising experience.

Part of the process of commodification, streamlining and assimilation of geek culture into the all-consuming monoculture, is distortion and erasure of the original.

"These would be the successive phases of the image:

1 It is the reflection of a basic reality.

2 It masks and perverts a basic reality.

3 It masks the absence of a basic reality.

4 It bears no relation to any reality whatever: it is its own pure simulacrum.

In the first case, the image is a good appearance: the representation is of the order of sacrament. In the second, it is an evil appearance: of the order of malefice. In the third, it plays at being an appearance: it is of the order of sorcery. In the fourth, it is no longer in the order of appearance at all, but of simulation."

I'm probably using Baudrillard wrong, but I think we're either between phase 2 and 3 or on phase 3. We're at the point where we have "gamers" who don't like videogames as the faces of videogames.
R: 51 / I: 34

Suicide book

Distant recognition from a goodsocietyman. Suicide: A Social and Historical Study, written by Henry Romilly Fedden in 1938.
R: 24 / I: 0
How many people have killed themselves on this site so far?
R: 42 / I: 6

Go to the gym, do this, do that

How did we go from one gender not being able to vote to an utter gynocracy in just a single century?

How come as a man you have this giant list of tasks you need to complete just to be accepted as an adequate member of society, while if you are born a succubus, all you have to do is demand things from said society?
R: 117 / I: 9

31 and no skills

How do I stop thinking about my lost years?

I spent the last years on imageboards, video games, tv, random youtube videos and got 0 skills or life experience.

With 31 people my age who either have a job or skills already got 10+ years of experience in the said thing. So I feel hopelessly behind and every time I want to learn something I start kicking myself for not doing it sooner when I had better conditions. My life was pretty comfy compared to now 10 years ago and I feel terrible wasting it. Now I can't say I'm ~finding myself~ anymore, I get less financial support and my health is getting worse and past 30+ the odds of random health issues increase on top of the constant regret over wasted time.

I know the robotic answer is that I can't change the past so it's pointless to think about but how can I really make peace with it mentally instead of trying to suppress these negative emotions with logic?
R: 314 / I: 29

Depression Crawl Thread LX

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
R: 2 / I: 0
What does it take to add warmth, personality, and detail to my creations? No matter how hard I try my mind doesn't seem to come up with ways to make it not so empty and ridgid. It's frustrating to be in this cycle that I hope to break just to realize my subhuman brain/mind is still barbaric and too stupid and empty to come up with anything useful or be detail oriented. I'm tired of this so tired of my own mind not being useful for once.
R: 3 / I: 0

I feel nothing but anguish and I long for nothing

I just graduated college, a few years after all of the people my age that I studied with in middle school and high school, I'll be 30 soon and, despite finally accomplishing "my" goal that I feel obligated to do because my parents wanted me to, I feel even more lost than I did when I got into college, it was pure torture for years, with a few decent things here and there, some people were quite nice to me over there, but it's likely I'll never see them again. I've spent all of these years torturing myself while I was there, as I was the worst student in the class by far, thinking that if I at least managed to graduate then things would open up… not at all, getting a decent job, that I'm able to do without ruining everything in a flash, isn't easy, especially when the people competing with you for those jobs are the same that used to do so much more than you when you studied together, who got better grades and went after more things to do while I was just rotting, doing nothing and waiting for something to happen. I probably won't get a job soon, and if I do it'll still be horrible, I'll wake up when I don't want to, to go do things I don't want to, and suffer at all times, especially since I feel so anxious and insecure all of the time. It's just too exhausting, every time we feel that we've gotten to the finish line, it's always just a checkpoint and we have to keep going even more… I don't want to do it anymore, but I don't want my parents to be sad if I end it all for myself, and I'm afraid of the existence of a Hell waiting for me when I die.

I suppose if I had put in more effort I'd be feeling more calm, maybe if I put a lot more effort now I can get a job that's more bearable… but that doesn't make sense to me. At it's best life is merely tolerable to me, it only makes sense to bear the burden of living for the sake of enjoying the few good moments if I can just stroll through it… but if I have to actively go out of my way, while I'm already miserable enough, to put in even more effort, do more things, work harder and "be better" just for the sake of… being able to not have an absolutely miserable life, I'll be miserable all of the time just the same, it's pointless, with the only difference being that I'll be working harder just to suffer more. Life is a scam and I wish I would've been aborted. I hate this.
R: 22 / I: 1


Does anyone else often get ridiculed for their appearance by random strangers when going out for a walk?
R: 9 / I: 2

Mommy issues and evil succubi (relief)

My life is not suffering, it is very far from it, and I have really improved a lot this last year, to the point that I feel like a different person, however, events happened in my childhood that made me a failure. First of all, there was the divorce, I have a kind of "dissociative amnesia" or forgetfulness due to age because I don't remember, it happened when I was 4-6 years old, it wouldn't be strange at all if it weren't for the fact that it was a very scandalous one that caused a lot of domestic violence, I have no memories but my brothers confessed to me that it was torture, but this would be bad for us if I had not lost my father figure, I separated from him, especially emotionally, and I was very much in charge of my mother.

She is like an older borderline, her personality is a disaster, her emotions too, very irritable and hostile, selfish, manipulative, condescending, she had attacks of multiple things, in short she is a very disturbed succubus. She gave me a bipolar affection, her love was based on talking badly about my father and making him look like a monster and then acting as if she were my savior, there she took advantage of my vulnerability to treat me well and give me affection, but that was very far from reality because on the other hand she ignored me, abandoned me, hit me for no reason and constantly insulted me, all the time she humiliated me and lowered my self-esteem, she was controlling as well as negligent, out of nowhere her affection became cold or contemptuous. Because of that same attitude, she left me in the care of caregivers, family members and nannies who sexually abused me. Over the years I remembered them as if they were flashbacks or regressions. The memory that had the most impact was one where I was lying on my back, very small and unattended. An older succubus changed my underwear, then she groped me and then gave me a very painful anal masturbation. After that I remember more groping, stripping, excihibitions and touching my rear and anal area along with mistreatment. I don't remember exactly the identity of the succubi. who did that, I only remember that they were succubi and older than me, much older because those memories are from my old home, which was where I spent my life before I was 6 or 7 years old. I'm sorry for throwing out all this relief text, I know there are people who need more help than me, but I'm lucky and I shouldn't be sad about these things.
R: 2 / I: 0

Health Issues

Anyone else got some sort of chronic health problem? I've got chronic fatigue syndrome and haemorrhoids that disables me from doing any sort of prolonged physical activity.
R: 19 / I: 1

Antidepressant Thred

In this thread, we shall discuss everything SSRi-related.

I've tried the following:

Fluvoxamine, Sertraline, and Fluoxteine are SSRIs.


Desvenlafaxine Venlafaxine

I'm going to talk about each of them and how I feel about them.


The first two weeks on Fluvoxamine are complete torture; I'm anxious, tired, and have terrible focus due to anxiety and panic episodes.


When I first started on Sertraline, I had no side effects, it was OK till it pooped out, but it truly works but it can screw with your motivation, plus the weight loss is fantastic on this medicine, I was 78 before taking it, and three months later I was 69-70.


Similar to fluvoxamine, except it makes me laugh even at the most ridiculous things.

and now we will discuss the SNRIs


I felt terrific, but losing weight was difficult I nearly went from 74 to 82.
I can wake up in the morning with full energy and excitement on 50mg, but after I hit 100mg, I became restless and my anxiety skyrocketed; I'll give it a 6/10 due of the weight gain.

Venlafaxine (currently used in combination with mirtazapine):

Venlafaxine is actually a miracle; I'm on 150mg right now it's similar to Sertraline but doesn't steal your motivation. moreover, the combination with mirtazapine is known as California rocket fuel because to the increased mechanism of action.
R: 4 / I: 0
>my dad keeps accusing me of being rude and sarcastic
>says its better when I actually do a sarcastic tone that is supposed to be me being inauthentically soft-spoken
>doesn't realize I can't into subtle social dynamics like tone
R: 22 / I: 0
I am convinced i fit in literally nowhere.
In real life when i'm forced to be around others and i try to do more i just get the look.

but moreso i've been banned from every single chan. I've been permanently banned from 4chan for things i didn't do and i'm rangebanned also. I've tried to get a 4chan pass but its so difficult. I'm banned here too. 3 times and i have to proxy just to post with no image. I am convinced that nomrgroids want to keep me down. my very presence is an affront to them. i'm too off beat. I am so mad right now because its been a year of just getting banned constantly for doing nothing wrong or for stuff other people did. I wish i was schizophrenic so i could blame the reptilians or something but real torture is being kept lucid through all of my horrid life.
R: 20 / I: 1

Neurotypical parents are degenerate demons

Neurotypical parents are degenerate demons who don't want to see you succeed.

They only pretend to care about you, but when you grow up, many resent you or start actively hating you even if you didn't make any trouble, studied and got good grades, and even paid them rent.

When things got tough, I became homeless for 3 months and my parents refused to let me stay at their place.

Forwarding 11 years, I now make $6k a month as a software engineer. I can work from home 99% of the time, the 1% is when I'm forced to show up at the office for parties like New Years Eve or Christmas. I'm not rich, but I can live a very comfy wizard life in a spacious home in a good location.

Now they ask when they can come over, if they can bring me gifts, if I can loan them money. I just ignore them and send a christmas card every 12 months.

Now they spew vitriol at me because interest rates have risen and they need help. Now I don't give a rats ass if they freeze to death. They're literal demons.
Even when I had $5 dollars to my name and had no roof over my head, I was willing to split $2.50 for another homeless guy so he could buy a triangle sandwich. Neurotypicals have no shame, compassion or empathy.
R: 34 / I: 0
>know succubus who was raped at 13 years old
>the rapist is found guilty but serves no time in jail
>succubus tries to kill herself twice and is now heavily medicated living as a shell of her former self
>finally realize on the deepest level there is no reward in life whatsoever for being good and to get ahead one must be malicious and indifferent to others
Somehow this has been edifying. I always knew things, but now I believe them.
R: 19 / I: 1
>diagnosed with NPD
>though if I have anything in that quadrant of conditions its definitely actually Schizoid, as I derive my ego from my hobbies and internal life rather than other people
>completely unable to view anything associated with me objectively

Can I even be an artist when my self-critic is so deficient? I just want to be a composer but I don't see the point if my music sucks and I can't even hear it properly.
R: 304 / I: 44

Drugs & alcohol general #2

It's not a secret that lots of wizards abuse alcohol and/or drugs for any reason (i.e. to cope), some might even consider themselves alcoholics and/or drug addicts. Using is a big part of our lives and we should have a space to express our daily experience.

Share whatever's on your head. Your latest favorite substance, the hardships of being a fiend on top of being a wizard, favorite drinks, worst drinks, substances you wish you had, drugs you wish you never tried, your experience with withdrawals, etc.

>drinking or using drugs=social interaction

Using/acquiring drugs or alcohol is not inherently social (compare it to the act of acquiring and eating food, are those inherently social? not really).
R: 3 / I: 0

wtf do you do with no talents?

I've been feeling a lot of regret over being a 30yo NEET as the loop of consuming entertainment has gotten boring and unfulfilling and I got the desire to do something productive and creatively and intellectually challenging but the problem is that I am neither creative nor smart. I've been doing short internships in trade jobs and the simple mechanical work and the simple minded colleagues depressed the hell out of me. Obviously I also lack the social skills for networking to make up for lack of talents. So I'm feeling lost right now. Any kind of jobs I would like seems too high-pressure for me. I could just get a boring job and a creative hobby but then I fear I won't have any energy left for it after work.
R: 15 / I: 0

It happened again

You know those dreams that show you, your real emotions. How empty and helpless your truly feel under the masquerade of dopamine driven hedonism, as your consciousness falls into a dark hole of unconscious with only the feeling of sorrow and restlessness to validate your own existence by being taunted a few glimpse of beauty that you lack mentally and physically. Constantly drifting in a wave of pain and suffering of feeling insignificant and hatred for my own identity. Noticed this feeling take place when awake, mentally lost and mindless when thinking about something or think about nothing at all. Coming to reconcile that I'm an NPC or soulless to some degree. Yet feel restless, if I'm soulless why does the desire for beauty, not just physically but mentally always become a constant burden to bare. How do I ascend without accepting myself.
R: 32 / I: 1

Why did I even bother?

>Venting to succubus over insecurities in my looks that I've had since 11yrs old
>Explain that I feel like I've never been given a fair shake by some people just because of it
>"But you're handsome and beautiful in your own way! You shouldn't care what others think!"

It's hopeless isn't it?
R: 27 / I: 4
What's your magnitude of social isolation? Do you consider it voluntary or involuntary?
R: 68 / I: 0
geniune question, why I can't enjoy video games anymore? do you have a theory or an answer on why one stop enjoying video games?
(I don't know if it's the good board to talk about it)
I believe it must be linked to my depression
R: 6 / I: 0
listen to this, it will heal your soul https://youtu.be/MXXwX3IPIhI?si=EY72_qVGtjJB7fhI
R: 302 / I: 39

Wageslave General

The pursuit of happiness is a bunch of bullshit edition.

Previous edition
R: 2 / I: 1
I just want to LDAR I wish I had diagnosed disability for neetbux or atleast something.
Never been really good at this whole living thing, I envy neets that can carefree do or not do anything they want with their time.
R: 7 / I: 0
I'm a male with the desire to look feminine, I am not gay with the need to express myself into submissive behavior due to my inability to be a man. But more to escape the practical ugliness of the world that beauty brings. Everytime I act aggressive there is this immense feeling of dread and guilt, tired, and slaved. Even if that aggression is healthily used to assert myself. I've imagined myself in the corrected features in dreams and vr and felt more comfortable with myself enough to give up my old habits of anger and hedonism. Something to protect other than my own ego. But when I don't have that cope it's hard to take myself seriously with that inner voice calling me a fag, holding up a mirror of what I look like in a warped mental image. "You look masculine so why act so feminine." Sort of thing.
R: 308 / I: 47

Depression Crawl Thread LIX

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.

Previous: >>283313
R: 19 / I: 1

one wizpill you must always remember

Normalfags hate virgins.
When Zoe Quinn accused Wizchan of harrassment every normalfag believed in her and voted for her game on Steam Greenlight.

Normalfags believed in her lies and voted for her to get back at us virgins cause they hate us. Zoe Quinn knew like every other female knows, that we as virgins are a group easy to target as creeps, weirdos, stalkers, etc. so she used us as an scapegoat and the normalfags followed.

Every normalfag is predisposed to hate on virgins. They will try and say it's for other reasons but in some cases the main reason for their hatred is because you are a virgin and deviate from them. So be careful out there, a female might lie about you because she wants to harm you and make herself look good or play the victim, and she will use you as an scapegoat as long as it helps her in some scheme.
R: 52 / I: 2
post your an hero music
R: 25 / I: 1
Excuse the twitter post but it describes so well what is tormenting me.

I think the 20s are the most important part of the life and I totally, completely, wasted them and now have to sit there and deal with the consequences of it forever with no retries. I feel like me fucking them up defined me as a person and now every optimistic thought I get about improving myself is just delusion with my wasted 20s as proof. You could say that I should have learned my lesson to not waste my 30s now but the issue is that now I have all this mental baggage, I am physically weaker and lower energy and started to get health problems and all the financial support and goodwill you get for being young is gone and then there is ageism that you are supposed to counteract with experience which I lack. People expect you to perform now with no excuses and having a 10 year CV gap is just idk how tf you even explain it.

I started drinking because I just have no idea how you are supposed to cope with this fact without breaking down and crying.
R: 13 / I: 1

Rare disease ruined my life

>have normal, happy childhood
>age 14
>parents are fighting one day
>something "snaps" in my brain
>from that point on, I can't feel my emotions, can't really feel pleasure, I don't enjoy going outside or talking to people or anything
>try a bunch of antidepressants but none of them do anything
>just a shell of a human afraid to die but cannot live
>fast forward 10 years
>I'm 25 now
>in the span of 5 months this year my face aged from early 20s to mid 30s
>I have no fucking clue why
>so anxious over this I can't sleep
>but insomnia and stress just make it even worse
>feel screwed no matter what

I envy you guys with common problems. In my case I literally don't even know why my life is ruined. It just happened
R: 111 / I: 8


What was highschool like for you guys? I feel like highschool shaped me into who I am and not in a good way. Constantly getting the shit kicked out of me and being laughed at by my female peers is what set me on the path of wizardy to begin with, but I guess I can't complain, a friend of mine from Russia got cigarettes put out on him at school. The worst part is parents and teachers harping on about how those are the best years of your life. Maybe for the genetically gifted, I guess I didn't deserve to have the "best years of my life"
R: 15 / I: 1

Bye I guess


Wizchan is the only place where I feel like I belong, been part of this place for many years, I used to post on a daily basis for many years. I'm nearing 30. This is the only forum I use.

I'm a psychiatric patient, a drug user, I barely speak to my family, live by myself, extremely hate being around others, I isolate as much as possible, and I share many autistic hobbies with lots of you. Only here I find people remotely similar to me. You think like me, you hate the same stuff I hate, in no other place I've found like-minded individuals. I fondly remember many generals and many conversations we've had through the years. I've done some of my best introspections thanks to this site and some of you. This site unironically changed me into a better person. I've spent all my suicide attempts in this forum, lots of you even accompanied me in those dire moments anonymously. Not anyone else in life, only you. And only you felt and understood what I was going to, because our pain is very similar, some might say we feel the same pain.

But I'm not really one of you. I'm not a virgin. I voluntarily live as a semi-celibate, prostitution is legal where I live and I go to the brothel a couple of times a year and that's it. I wasn't a virgin from day 1 and been here for 10+ years. Life has gotten to a point of despair that I'm having a hard time returning to this site. I'm starting to have problems most of you wouldn't understand, I don't deserve to keep posting here. This is very like my last post since I'm clearly getting banned. Some of your stuff remind me too much of my younger self and I hate remembering, I use to remember and some of you make me remember too much.

For many years I laughed, cried and vented with you, we consoled each other for years and I'm extremely thankful for that, I will never forget that. Thanks wizards.
R: 79 / I: 7
>get back from mental hospital after about 2 years
>excited to tell my NEET loser online friends about it
>they're all normied up. One has even become a gay furry living with Tyrone
>they keep giving me improvebrah advice and telling me I'm too negative
The only people I can relate to now are you motherfuckers. I wonder how many Wizards have done this and left the site. Both these guys were old 28, and 35 respectively.
R: 33 / I: 1

Shame of being NEET

How do you deal with this?

It's a silly thing but whenever I watch a product review before a purchase decison they will say something like "is it worth your hard earned money" and it reminds me of how fucked up it is that I am getting money to buy products others worked on for nothing. Or when I watch one of these "how it's made" videos that show people working in factories on something I can buy with NEETbux. Also someone on an imageboard told me to kms because I am wasting resources but I live a pretty humble life and while I am a useless consoomer I also don't go out of my way to hurt others.

But then again when I think about it would it be much different if I had a job? Am I not more bothered by the asymmetry or pay/effort? If I had an office job I would have a job but I might be filling out spreadsheets and not directly creating anything of value. So often I read about office workers bragging about spending their work time on the internet, playing games or watching tv. Also there is the entire finance world where they make money by juggling assets. Since hating on NEETs is against the rules here this might not be the place for an unbiased opinion but the other way around on normal sites I wouldn't get a levelheaded response I think.
R: 40 / I: 8

How to deal with narcissism?

I got drunk and it put me into a very self-pitying mood and I ended up bitching about my life online and 3 different people told me that I'm a narcissist and it made me think because I never considered it because I have such a low opinion of myself but after reading some of the criteria it kinda makes sense even though some things like inability to take criticism and lack of empathy don't apply to me. I would say kinda like how here we have the term "failed normie" I would be a "failed narcissist" I guess. Someone who wishes he was special but isn't and the awareness of this fact causes distress.

Has anyone else struggled with this? All I could find was people bitching about others being narcissist and not people trying to treat narcissism in themselves. My goal would be to become humble because ironically the tension from this, unjustified, high opinion of myself leads to perfectionism and avoidant behaviors. "If I don't do anything I can tell myself I have great potential." As I fall further behind in life and the opportunities get fewer the distress from being a failure rises. I need to accept I'm not special and be satisfied with a humble life and aim for slow, but steady, progress. But how do I make peace with this fact and stop avoiding it by retreating into fantasy worlds?
R: 4 / I: 0
Is it normal or common-place that, I want to cut off all my family\friends forever, move to a different country, assume a new name etc? Never to speak my own language again, or contact anyone I knew, or come back to this country.
this IS a fantasy but an extremely persistent , strong one for me. I usually lucid dream that I do it. if a genie offered me 3 wishes one of those wishes would be to achieve it. I would try to bribe some google hindi worker to have all my photos online deleted or something, as well as quite possibly fake my death locally. remember, it is a fantasy but Im sure wanting to do this so much, tells a lot about one's internal state.
R: 38 / I: 1


I'm 23, have a good family, so i consider myself very lucky, but i guess all that doesn't cut it for me to be happy, i just keep making mistakes, failing at everything i do and feeling worse about myself

I'm leeching off my family, and that has to end, so I'm thinking of just going to a nearby town, leave all behind and rot as a homeless person.

I need advice on what should i bring with me, and how should i go about it
R: 19 / I: 3
Does anyone else feel a deep shame for fucking up the opportunity of being born in one of the best times in human history ever?

In the past there was barely any mobility and opportunity. You did whatever your parents did and then even if you lived well you were confined to your small village. Now there are scholarships or student aid if you are poor and once you have money the opportunities you have are insane. You can learn any skill you want. You can create entire worlds from your home on your computer. Tools for creating are as powerful and cheap as ever. You can travel the world and experience art and food made by the best of the best. You can build yourself a dream home in any location you want.

And yet I wasted all this time on self-pity and trash entertainment and talking to trolls on the internet.

I can't even cope with reincarnation because it looks like the future will be shit. It really feels like I wasted a unique opportunity.
R: 10 / I: 3

New one

hello, my name is Daniel, I'm 35 years old, a virgin, as for losing, I'm ethnically Jewish, no confirmations or documents 0, guess where I live and I was born
.. in Poland
I treat my whole life as a simulation
just like someone punished me specifically in the top
R: 16 / I: 2

Feeling Sorry for Young Boys?

Just saw a group of young boys walking home from school, with the smallest carrying a very over-stuffed backpack, naturally walking alone and much behind the other boys. After about 30 seconds of reflexive unthinking sadness, I asked myself: Why was this soul born into this world?

Am I right to be angry with god/gods that they trap innocent consciousnesses into this hell every day? This boy seemed sad and alone, surrounded by nothing warm or caring, pushing along against the wind on his way home. Who knows if his family even cares? Or if his sibs even care? How nearly was this the image of myself at that age. The likeness is again so precise that I was made to remember all the range of the suffering of my own boyhood, and because of this, an afternoon which was going quite well has now been completely ruined. Memories buffered by twenty years' worth of time have returned to me raw as though they were endured yesterday.

Am I right in thinking that he is sad? Or can I differently think that he has a happy life and that he will not suffer as we have suffered? I am only going to think (and hope) that he is okay and will continue to be okay. Fuck whatever caused us to come here.
R: 13 / I: 4

Im so close to curing my DP/DR

Hello i once posted here once about my extreme depression that was depersonalisation/derealisation caused by trauma and involuntary drugging against my will that's still happening.
I learnt that i can gain back all my feelings even while still being drugged against my will by psychiatry though.
I figured out that our soul can feel whatever we want and that psychiatrists don't understand how we work so they can't destroy our soul and dopamine and serotonin don't actually exist.

Here is where it gets good.
I learnt through positive affirmations that i can gain my life back by being constantly positive to fight the bad thoughts that tell me "i cant feel this, i cant do that".
I finally over 8 years learnt that im going to be able to fix myself, i feel like im so close, that im swimming to the top, that the tips of my fingers are above the water, i even felt normal for 2 days a month ago, it showed me that i can feel as much as i want and be fixed and the forced drugging can't stop me.
Right now im still having issues and bad thoughts, but im being positive and im getting so close, i experienced the worst depersonalisation ever, and i think i could help people get over deep depression with my experience and methods(a progression of positive affirmations, you just throw as much as you can, and feel objects and textures, spin while looking at your hands etc)

There is hope for us.
R: 317 / I: 36

Depression Crawl Thread LVIII

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.

Previous: >>282200
R: 27 / I: 5

Finding Hope in the Afterlife

Anyone else believes that what await us in the afterlife is something good? Whether it's Heaven or something else. But I just feel like it will be better.
R: 25 / I: 1
step one: suffer
step two: complain to god about your suffering
step three: think about how you don't actually have patience with suffering and rebel against god
step four: suffer because you think you are rebelling against god and going to hell
how do i break this stupid cycle of mental illness
R: 61 / I: 8
It can and it will always get worse.
No matter how the future plays out I can be sure that im gonna suffer in worse ways then I have so far, it can always always get that much worse the ride never ends untill you die, and from all of the bullshit that happens not even that is sure, its possible that this torment will continue forever damn it all
R: 9 / I: 1

Easiest way for self deletion.

If somebody was planning to self delete what is the most painless method that won't cause much pain.If one could access a firearm that would be a no brainer,but what's the second easiest way?
R: 6 / I: 0

Has anyone else here gone through ECT/Elctroshock therapy?

I decided to try it as a “last resort” because it’s statistically the most effective treatment for depression (which still isn’t very good), but I finally gave up after 13 sessions of no results.

It was such an isolating and traumatic experience to go through alone, and to come out the other side of it with nothing but memory loss and medical bills is just devastating. I’m 6 weeks out from my last session, and I still feel like the brain fog it caused hasn’t cleared up.

I honestly don’t know where to go from here. It’s hard not to feel hopeless after trying such a drastic measure.

I’d love to talk to some other people who were stupid enough to let someone tazer their brain. Most people think you’re a Fucking nutcase if you bring it up, so it’s not exactly something I can talk about.
R: 8 / I: 0
I am kinda rich but (so far) not pretty-boyish. I took refuge in wealth and championed wealth Inequality. I deliberately defended Inequality.
I made some Intel work to have like, 40 working-class leftist militants fired from their job; without compensation. I convinced friends to vote anti-labor candidate. I humiliated street vendors.
all this because of insecurity\bitterness.
When youre beatiful, money becomes asinine to you. its like offering elon musk a bag of pennies.
what can I do? I hate myself for not-being a (male) model and I hate anyone who thinks i couldnt be a male model. I try to deliberately make everyone's around me life as bad as possible. I have become an odious , insufferable personality.
please. help me.
R: 88 / I: 4
i ruined everything i ruined the ony friendship i had by doing the worst imaginable thing i could possibly do and now its all over they will never trust me again its irredeemable and irreparable i lost the only person i cared about because my mind fabricates events and feelings and i dont know what to do anymore i am filled with despair regret and guilt
R: 11 / I: 1
Why are naturalists so cucked, "it is what it is… oh well" then they would be foaming at the mouth fuming if they found out their wife slept with a black guy. That is assuming they are not a ted kaczynski dick hoppers. Nature allows subhumans to exist and someone like kaczynski is defiantly not superior because he is some muscle meat head dumb fuck with a club screaming like a Neanderthal cave dwelling freak. But someone who is tactical, methodical and philosophical. He makes change by intuition. If it were in the hands of nature, we would by all accounts have genes chosen based on physical attributes not mental. The mental attributes were a byproduct of natural selection and would not even call it that as technically people choosing based on personality complexities would take more conscientious thought and observation than physical attraction. Nature has no room or time for civility and reasoning. Anyone that lacks either of that is not human, plain and simple. No just because it takes nature to pander out rationality does not mean you have critical thinking skills, that equivalent of street smart. Anyone who is "street smart" easily fall into the nigger moment behavior. Even if there are those that dont, then this rules out that "hard ships make better people" if someone is easily influenced by their surrounding then they are not human they are a follower and are subservient to higher people who are able to pave their own path regardless of what circumstances. So then, you are weak as strength is not obtainable. Stop justifying the production of careless reproduction and believing nature is the solution to our problems. Cause it is fucking not. Especially when you depend on production of plastics and metal to form a device to spout your nonsense onto.
R: 5 / I: 1
Ok guys. I finally started doing something I promised I'd do years ago.
I started making an anonymous booklet\PDF manual on how to : Get disabilitybux even trough fraudulent methods, how to use basic social skills and socialization methods to mooch off parents until they die\ make friends to mooch off them, and even join political groups -even the ones you hate- to get fraud jobs or State gibs.
I will include many Levels of mooching and frauds, all non-violent, all very smart and cold-blood: setting up an army of indian and nigerian clicksense serfs ,who you may pay and keep in line with western insta thots. How to cut costs , live rent-free, eat for free year round.
I will pen this, it will be anonymously published somewhere or everywhere.
R: 26 / I: 0

Cannot think/Brain-fog continued

Wizards, I am discovering many reports of increased mental cloudiness in many unrelated parts of the internet. People generally to my judgement at least appear slower and more aggressive these days than in years past. The color of their minds has become grayer and far less sharp, if you will. Even the world itself feels "less real" and more muddled. Disassociation amongst normans is likewise being reported at higher rates today. What is going on exactly?

Perhaps Metal Gear Solid 2 has become reality: (((the patriots))) control information and as such they have created a world that is almost wholly built on deception, or similarly saturated in endless fake narratives. Is the absence of truth causing people to go mad??
R: 255 / I: 14

anti depressants

please post your experiences with anti depressants here

i'm starting on them (Citalopram) tomorrow and im scared that ill gain weight from it
R: 22 / I: 1
I just made a scene in a supermarket, I'm deeply ashamed of myself. I lost my cool, I was buying my psych meds and the idiot succubus cashier had a problem with her system, she couldn't issue a voucher but the payment was still debited from my bank account. They wanted me to pay twice for my meds, security had to pull me, they almost called the cops, everyone was staring at me. I ended up leaving with no meds and a charge in my bank account. Can't even fucking buy my meds online because these are psych meds.

Complete shit day, doctor diagnosed me with fatty liver, gotta check if I have scarring. I hate life, I'm going to use until I fall asleep. Being a wizard is a perpetual existence of suffering. I just want to cry and lay down and I can't.
R: 3 / I: 0
I have some plans of moving to another country. I don't now what I want for a career though. I have a passion for linguistics and philosophy but college is way too expensive in the US to get a degree and make a career out of it. I considered moving to the UK or something to try there since I saw it's like $11K a year but learned that's only for UK citizens, for Americans it's a lot more. More than I can afford reasonably right now.

So, I'm 25, no real direction, some goals but it seems too difficult. Any advice at all wizzies?
R: 13 / I: 1

I'm retard

I just wanted to vent about how being stupid is one of the most frustrating experiences.

Being ugly sucks for sure. But from experience a lot of people who complain about being ugly, myself included when I was young and clueless, are just average. They won't get any easy benefits with their looks but also no negatives. There is the halo effect so being ugly can lead to people treating you worse but I think it's still something that you can power through if you are strong in other areas. I've seen a lot of successful people who aren't exacty lookers.

Being born poor is also a huge factor in deciding your future. It can even permanently alter your brain. But unless you live in the 3rdest world country ever there are social programs, scholarships and the internet to give you the capabilities to make your talents seen if you have them.

But if you are stupid you are truly fucked. You can't learn to become more intelligent. You can train your brain, exercise and take supplements but that just gives you a small boost but won't actually make you smart. You can't do anything yourself and instead have to rely on smarter people to chew it for you first which means you are always behind and can't innovate or get ahead of others. You can't figure out a lucrative business opportunity and can only get in on it once it's too late and the people who got rich of it write guides. But then because you are stupid you are also vulnerable to manipulation and can be tricked into bad investments. Bad things happen to you and you are too stupid to truly figure out why. For example you can be stuck at a video game boss and think it's badly designed because you just can't see the attack pattern and think of a strategy to beat it. Stupidity is the one weakness that also gets moralized heavily. People make fun of ugly people but it's also often seen as mean and unfair. But making fun of stupid people is fair game. People treat stupidity like it's somehow your fault. It's part of your character even if you had no choice over it. Smart people will often rub their smartness in your face because they feel like they earned it.

It fucking sucks man.
R: 8 / I: 0

To a friend

If you are reading this somewhere, I hate you as much as you used to hate me, until things got personal. I still hate you after that. Just by existing and reminding me of a friend I once had. Before knowing you, or your antics, I was fine living ignorantly while hating you. But you cant just stop can you, even fate is on your side to cause me great pain. You have let go of the past and so have I, but my hatred is now redirected especially as it lapsed in with my moral judgement. I hope one day you meet someone you get along with only to be stuck in the same dilemma. A great yearn while still in chains of your own self disgust. But your kind doesn't have to suffer, so I guess there is no retribution for everyone. Especially when gods pet is the one doing it. Maybe you might understand, you are not that far gone, especially since you have a social mask for a reason. You just couldn't let me live in blissful ignorance. I genuinely hope you live prosperously and become aware of the lives you walked on as you slowly degrade into realization and guilt. You're not that too far gone, you're not. Now I know how the devil felt, there are two sides to the same coin but it so happens that one side is shinier than the other whole the other is held down by a heavier weight that makes the coin always land on heads. But one day that shine will ware off due to your negligence that coin will be just another collection to a cast ocean of unimportant dead hopes and dreams.
R: 5 / I: 0
Commencing a gradual progression towards a state of virtual vocal reticence, I find myself experiencing an increasing disconnection from my fellow denizens of the digital realm, resulting in an acute inability to establish any meaningful semblance of rapport or resonance with others.
R: 23 / I: 1

What is the easiest way to commit suicide

Just wondering because there seems to be no way out and I want it just to end.
R: 6 / I: 1

Leaving my body behind

Why do I fear leaving behind something I hate at the expense of my own dignity and self preservation for my own chaste. If experiencing the unknown is peaceful and or boundless what is keeping me from experiencing it's beauty. Just think of being in a state where you are clay before it was pottery made by novus hands. What makes humans so entitled to reproduce at the expense of their children. I only see a nurse restraining a patient that wants to end their existence of a one sided delusional loved relationship. How can the other love when they scream out in agony? The dilemma of prolifers so called empathy ends when they see a deer is near immobile in suffering and fail to see the same logic applied to a human. Ethical concerns end at a pugs physical attributes that causes suffering and calls it eugenics when true empathizers want poorgenes to be wiped out. A merciful god would not prevent death while allowing those who didn't make it to heaven to live on for eternity. Free will until it's inconvenient to their Majestys glory and light. If free will then allow the non existence of damned souls, if against eugenics then allow pugs to reproduce, if prolife allow the animal to suffer an agonizing death. Poor moral judgements kind of frustrated me. How can we allow some people to have opinions if there opinions are polluted with contradictions.
R: 303 / I: 49

Depression Crawl Thread LVII

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.

Previous: >>281041
R: 18 / I: 0

Ignoring emotions and retaining perfect control

I want to work on being able to ignore my emotions and stay in control of my actions despite whatever is going on underneath. I am pretty sure it is possible as this has been a goal of mine for a long time now and I have made some progress. Has anyone here managed to do this? Any tips would be appreciated. I want to be able to live a life unrestrained by things like fear, doubt and anxiety. I assume if you just brute force your way into appearing perfectly calm and composed and brute force yourself through doing the things you want to do it should be possible. The trick would be to be able to retain outward control despite strong inner emotions. I have done this before a few times, now I just need to be able to reproduce the effect consistently.
R: 8 / I: 0


Has anyone considered creating a tulpa as a companion? Anyone that has one have any experiences to share?
Basically tulpa thread
R: 20 / I: 0

The situation awareness cycle

I live with my parents and NEET and keep my mind occupied with the internet and entertainment but occasionally something will happen to remind me of my situation and I get baffled and stunned over how I got myself into this mess. Like my parents mostly let me be but once in a while they will ask me what I am doing and when I will get a job and I sadly have no answer or they will have obnoxious guests over that make me wish I had my own place. Or I get reminded of something and it makes me realize how much time has passed with me making 0 progress.

Then since these things have no easy, fast solutions I retreat back into distractions.

Anyone else experiencing this?
R: 127 / I: 19
What is your biggest wish or dream that you long for with all your soul?

We both know it'll probably never come true
R: 4 / I: 0

Not feeling alive

Life does not feel real to me most of the time. It's not even a result of sleep deprivation, since i feel the exact same on weekends too. I have trouble describing it, but life just feels like a dream or movie a lot of times. Sometimes I'm not even sure if this life is real. This might just be a dream or a matrix or something else. Because I don't feel anything.

What's the reason for this? Is this the result of my lifestyle? Or is my mental state declining?
R: 34 / I: 0
Am I sinful for talking about how shitty God's creation is and wanting to change how nature works, With wholesome intentions behind it? No one is ugly, no one is mentally ill, no one is isolated, people have an identity /personality that best suits them. Create a sexless genderless society where we find intimacy in admiration rather than lust and playing games. Nothing has or needs value because we are spiritually satisfied already.
R: 7 / I: 0

MFW I don't have a single photo of myself.

How is it even possible to have such an unremarkable and horrible life like I do. This is something that I want to share, I post on the interent, including here because I want to be heard, and I want to show people that I exist, and I have realised that this is attention whorery. I have also realised that I will never rise above this. I just want to show people that I exist.

It makes no sense spending anytime anywhere, including here whatever has been said, has been said a thousand times over.
R: 10 / I: 0

How to accept how mundane life is?

I think it's because I've missed out on having friends and instead isolated myself that I have unrealistic desires of life.

I wish I could have any desire fulfilled by I can't. I am hard capped by my body, intelligence and the time I was born in and the passing of time.

I find it so lame how you only get 1 chance with the starting point you are given. There are so many things I wish I could experience but I will never be able to because I'm too incapable or simply because the time has passed.

But life is not a video game that I decided to play. It just is. No one said you will be able to fulfill any desire you want.

But idk it's just so hard to accept. Right now I'm kinda just distracting myself from thinking too much about anything. But the moment I do I become aware of how everything I did so far were just shallow distractions.
R: 14 / I: 0
HOW THE FUCK are people able to focus on one thing?

I've been spending all day every day on imageboards for 15 years now but I reached a point where I just can't take the low quality of posts anymore. I want to read books, learn some skills and play some games but I am so used to zero commitment content that I get paralyzed by the decision what to dedicate my time to. I am the kind of guy who will spend 1 hour just thinking about what movie to watch.

Having this access to free/cheap nearly limitless information is both a blessing and a curse.
R: 10 / I: 0

im becoming a wagie against my will~

Welp, the time has come. I'm finally at the stage of my NEETlife where my parents are threatening to kick me out if I dont find a job. Well, my dad and his gf are threatening me anyway. It sucks because she's such a vindictive whore that wears a huge niceness mask whenever she's around me, but obviously talks shit about me as soon as I leave the room. I'll hear her phone conversations with my father, and she'll just go on and on about how much of a worthless leech I am. It's funny because she hasn't worked a day in her life, and is currently leeching off my father. Guess she wants me out of the picture so she can have him all to herself? succubi are possessive like that, it's fucking scary. But, I guess I'll have to overcome my autism and do the "fake it till ya make it" method everyone always talks about. I'll also need a licence, which I've been trying to get for years. I scheduled a driving test, hope I dont get a shitty tester that marks me for mistakes I didnt even make like last time. Do any of you wagiewizzies have some advice for me? I plan on becoming a stockclerk since i dont get easily overwhelmed by physical work, but I still need to overcome my tism when it comes to the job interview. How do I easily fake my emotions and put on a happy face so the interviewer doesnt get pissed off and deny me?
R: 15 / I: 0

Consistently getting recorded and leaked

Today I went to a class and I got recorded and posted online even after I performed like shit.

In the recent years I noticed that privacy is completely dead and everyone is obsessed with posting themselves and others online.
I can't have a hobby or a job without being posted and if I complain people will think I'm weird.

This has become Big Brother and the only way to not be recorded is to not leave the house.
I hate that every nobody has to take pictures of themselves and post it to get some clout or whatever the fuck they are seeking.
It is so bizarre because I have been on the internet back when people didn't like to be expose themselves all over it.

One day I will be on my death bed in the hospital and they will take pictures of me and post them online.
They got what they wanted. No need for microchips as everyone is a walking CCTV these days.

I can't handle this anymore.
Does anyone hate this like me? How do I stop people from filming me and posting me online?
R: 22 / I: 4

The need to DO

Absorb yourself in to this image I have made. It aims to encapsulate a feel that many wizards new and old have felt. The need to DO, to create, to experience, but in the overwhelming world of options on exactly what can be done, it's hard to settle for anything, resulting in NOTHING. Everything from mood changes to how our joints ache can determine what we consider a worthwhile time sink at any time. Justifications for doing one or the other can altered by outside forces like what is the most profitable, what will get us the most wizfriends online, or what will put us in the history books (outtakes chapter).

My dilemma: I know 3D, I know music, I've done some drawing, some sculpting, some carving, some painting.. I've made maps for video games and I've programmed games in flash. I've been actively learning things in my neetness since 2008.. But to what end? Every time I get in to something, I find worth in something else. I want to make something, but I don't know what, and if I ended up settling for something based on a diceroll, I would need every skill to be brought up to modern adequacy. When I was a lad I would wake up smiling thinking "what will I learn today? :)", but now as a fat eldery (29) y/o sack of gas, I wake up thinking "What will I settle on wasting time with today? >:("

And I see this in other wizards too.. I see your desktop thread screenshots posts with all your softwares.. I see the unity games you made, the things you tried to do.. But are you focusing on just one thing, getting proficient in something instead of just dablling with many things? It is better to have a LOT of Legos than it is to have SOME Legos and a bunch of other toys that can't be built with. I just want the passion to settle for one thing and stick to it, it's like everything is a distraction for the distractions.

Reply if you relate. Reply if you don't anyway I like replies to my threads :)

supercritical 99 I kill the president
1d99[ 1d99 = 7 ]
R: 10 / I: 0

How do i beat this time anxiety?

I get really upset that the three winter months over here (May to July) went so damn fast. I love the cold weather and early darkness.

I tried to saviour the moment, but it went fast all the same. And i doubt myself, thinking maybe there was some way to appreciate every day that i wasn't aware of.

I dream of time travelling back to May and really appreciating it properly this time.

I keep wishing and praying to go back even though i know that's purely a fantasy.

Does anyone have advice on how to do with the fast passage of time and wishing you were in the past?
R: 16 / I: 1
>really loved, was indeed obsessed with, the music of Arnold Schoenberg
>grew to love his Piano Concerto as my most favorite piece of music ever
>find out about this composer Richard Ratner who randomly altered pitches in the opening (while maintaining the rhythm, contour, and register of everything from the original)
>try to convince myself his version is noficably worse and that he was unable to "randomly" alter the notes because he was subconsciously trying to make a passable variation of the piece and is basically the reincarnation of Franz Schubert himself.
>try playing the piece for myself to see if I notice anything striking about how its composed
>realize you can even move various parts of the melody around and still get the same overall effect
>finally transpose the whole piece in Audacity
>its unrecognizable! I can tell things like what is going to happen next and tell melodies and gestural ideas but what intervals they'll come in at is a total guessing game and more importantly parts I had found beautiful were either meh or disgusting (it was like listening to the piece for the first time again but with a road-map)

This honestly has fucked up my entire view of music and has made me want to kill myself as music was my passion and I even want/ed to be a composer. I literally have to change my entire aesthetic philosophy because of this kike now! The only thing that keeps me from quitting music altogether is the possibility of realizing what I thought Schoenberg had, which is to say a music of pure idea. But I must have had a pretty shit ear and musical sensibility to be taken in by this stuff. I am music man, life is fuck, kill everything!
R: 3 / I: 0

Another panic attack

Stuck in a dilemma where my personality is overly affectionate and feminine but your appearance is masculine, not even attractive masculine. Or soft on the eyes to at least relieve some of those heavy features. Picture those old cowboy movies where there is "that" one drunkard stereotype and mix that with mediterranean features. It's just so grotesque and filthy. Come to think of it maybe it is what added to my mental issues, seeing an abomination look back at you.
R: 6 / I: 0
why father has mental illness
He rarely takes a shower and does not wash his clothes. He doesn't like communicating with people, he doesn't care how he looks when he goes out, he brings home things he finds in the trash. When he is about to buy something, he buys more than he needs. He sometimes insults my mother
He also sometimes says things to himself like "I'm sick in the head" , "Woe is me" and sometimes makes a slight pained noise.
he affected my psychology. I don't want to have a child. Others should not be affected by this mental illness.
R: 9 / I: 0

computer smashing

For the past three years I've gone through a cycle of

>Buy new cheap computer from the second hand store

>Stay in my room 12 hours a day, just browsing the internet, looking at porn, playing video games, posting on forums, watching youtube, etc
>Get drunk and in a rage smash my computer with a hammer
>Spend the next while living without technology, start feeling happier, reading books in the library, waking up at a reasonable time and connecting more with family
>Repetitive negative thoughts come out of nowhere
>Stop sleeping, feel miserable, can't chase off the thoughts
>waste the little NEETBux I have on another cheap computer

I'm up to computer 7 now, the people at the computer stores look at me like I'm a complete schizo cunt. I can't work out why I do it either.
R: 8 / I: 0
I just want a normal relationship with my mother, not one that will argue, gaslight me, start drama, constant criticism, and evade whatever I say or try and start a conversation. It's all so tiresome to live in the guilt of neglecting your own mother but Everytime you try you are met with the realization of why in the first place. It's always an argument with her. I'm so tired of this cycle, it's very very tiring, give my mind a rest and never awaken it again.