I lost the Faith,now i can't handle itI forcefully became an atheist after studying ancient and medieval catholic texts.now i cant cope.
Depression Crawl Thread XXXPost here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
Suicide GeneralThe last suicide general has hit the bump limit. Previous thread >>226293
Tortured a cat, feel like garbageStreet cat who has the habit of sneaking in our kitchen. So I cornered her there and went on squeezing her hard against the ground with a broom stick for 30 minutes.
Disconnecting from the webMinor introduction, I am 25 and I have been on almost every social platform I can think of (e.g. twitch, discord, many anonymous boards, small forums, etc.).
Weird MentalityI was born with weird mentality. I give you few examples of it.
Anti-DepressantsAnyone here tried those? What did they do.
To WorkHow to deal with not being able to get a job? I have no work experience and I hardly have any studies, I have been locked up at home for a good part of my life … and I know that I have to survive on my own, they are practically forcing me, but I find myself unable to get even a simple job, I see it almost impossible and I don't know how other people achieve it, I have no idea what to do exactly.
Insomnia threadI decided to start this thread to post about our experiences with insomnia and maybe to log during our insomniac episodes. I had thought about making a thread like this several times while scrolling wizchan at dawn. But I figured since it happened again now is right.
At what age can you not turn your life around?>29
Politics=Loser in denial hobby?Not just politics but anything intellectual or truth related
Suicide GeneralThe last suicide general has hit the bump limit. Previous thread >>222891
Disorders other than DepressionWhat type of other disorders are you diagnosed with or you suspect you have? Also what environmental circumstances were you placed in which faciliated the presence of these mental illness in your life? Were you abused as a child?
Then what?A few days ago, I made a thread about changing my lifestyle.
Any 2nd/3rd world anons want to move but realize it's impossible?I'm not saying 1st world
Inventory is emptyReading the end of the wizards thread I wondered:
Everthing feels so hardAnyone feel like this? It would be nice if I could be NEET and have nice hobbies instead of just watching random YouTube videos and browsing reddit all day, but everything else feels like a massive chore. I would love to start programming or camping or something like that but the amount of reading and studying to know how to do that is so massive, it's overwhelming. I guess I feel this way because I never put any effort in my life, I just did what was easy, and now that I am older and easy things are not satisfying anymore I am screwed. I'm sick of doing nothing and I need to change.
Mental Screaming>Thoughts and memories keep barraging my skull without respite
workSo who is thinking about killing themselfes because they cant find work? I lost 3 jobs in the last 5 years because i am such an idiot and where manic. All 3 jobs were pretty good one i evend loved, but fuck it, i am searching now since september last year, so i had a testweek as a forklift driver last week the day before i was anxiety ridden and couldnt sleep, i had to wake up at 4:40 and didnt sleep even a minute so i drive there with the train and all i think is i will just faint there it was hell, they show me the place to work like a big firm and all i can say is just yeah ok and yes because i am tired as fuck, later they show me the forklift, i am still thinking about leaving, i get in and start pretty comfy i have to say, its like a forklift with sideforks to carry woodpacks, some other guy shows me some stuff it was pretty ok i have to say, i was there 1 week was pretty good, stress but still. Now they call me they found someone else, sitting here with my beers now back to where i am always in despair, in those 5 years i lost 3 jobs i was like 3 years neet i cant take it anymore i am getting older (am 28 right now) and nobody will ever want some sperg who has some many age gapes in his resume even when i just search for labour work, what should i do try to claim benefits for anxiety or just kill myself, work and money was always the thing in my life that gave me comfort, sitting at home rottting with little money i cant stand, i have like 4000 euros credit stuff too i have too pay, it feels like no way out i am in a anxiety ridden hell and only thing left is to kill myself, dont even get me started with shit like no friends and stuf i cant even think about shit like that right now. thanks for reading my rant
I feel Mike Tyson's pain>I'll never be happy. I believe I'll die alone. I would want it that way. I've been a loner all my life with my secrets and my pain. I'm really lost, but I'm trying to find myself. I'm really a sad, pathetic case. My whole life has been a waste. I've been a failure. I just want to escape.
sufferingI don't know what to do, i live of disability and work just a few days unpaid
Can't do normal jobs/can't do online jobsEverything is too difficult to deal with. IRL the pace/social expectations/etc. are too much so I don't last. I got an independent contractor thing for transcription, but it was the worst because the audio is really really bad and they expect you get it perfect even if it's just a bunch of muffled things. Like it feels any excuse to screw you out of money when the rate is peanuts already.
don't read this AnonI've spent the past 6 years doing almost nothing but lurking imageboards and random forums and watching youtube videos all day. I haven't played a single video game since then, I rarely read books and it's hard to find the motivation to actually sit down and watch a movie, anime or whatever. I've just been drifting through a fog of malaise for half a decade doing almost nothing but staring at a screen, the highlight of my day (if you can call it that) is when I quickly tug one out to some hentai before I pass out in the middle of the night. The closest thing I have to an actual hobby is music, and that's only because it's one of the most passive forms of media to consume, I can barely play a harmonica.
Everyone else looks like some kind of super human to meDoes anyone feels like you're a massive retard while everyone else issome kind of genius super human? I always felt like the slowest guy around,while everyone else seems to master anything they want extremely fast for me it takes some herculean effort just to keep it at the beginner state,I'm trying to learn Java programming using some online course and while for me it takes a lot of effort to make a shitty program that uses very basic classes and objects others brag about doing very complex and polished software in what seems to be 4 key presses that take half an hour,same with learning japanese,I've been learning this shit for 4 months and I can barely read anything while for others it takes 2 weeks and some anki flashcards to read entire books.
I don't think I belong in this worldEvery time I try to do something in the real world or even in normie places on the internet I get scolded,laughed at,ridiculed,bullied etc I just can't comprehend how humans work,how they manage to live day by day buying stupid shit all the time,working,having relationships etc.
Losing control/disciplineI'm spiraling out of control and good reasoning. I used to be NEET and lived a modest life pirating video games, e-books, and movies. I would read interesting articles online. When I became a wageslave I also got money. Money made me frivolous, I would start spending it on useless things. I got backstabbed. Relationship with mother deteriorated but I'm forced to live with her. With everything that's happened I don't trust anybody. The only person looking after me is me and I'm fucking it up. No longer a wageslave but I'm still spending money searching for something to fill a void that doesn't fill up. I tell myself that I'll stop, that I'll take a good look at myself and reflect. I want to put the brakes on. It used to be that I could go days without masturbating, now I do it constantly. I don't have a proper room of my own so I do it in the kitchen with my mother only 20 feet away and no doors separating us.
dep reaction imagesPost your most relatable depression reaction pictures. I have a folder of these and looking at them, recognizing myself in them makes me feel better. As if someone out there shares my thoughts and feelings, even though the pictures are mostly cartoons and animals. It's an illusion, but somehow it helps.
Being an outcastAnyone else here "unlikeable and doesn't fit in anywhere or can't make friends
My suicide. Tuesday the 8th.My life has been nothing but shit and horror. All my life I’ve been harassed, beaten, molested. I just cannot contain the hell that rages inside my mind. I found a bridge next to dreamland bbq and I’m going to jump on Tuesday. I already planned the uber, the price isn’t that high it’s only 20 something. So from
Don't feel at home on the internet anymoreFor many years now I used the internet as an escape and entertainment for my NEET life. But recently I just can't relate to anyone anymore, sometimes I find other NEETs and talk to them for a while but eventually I learn that they have hobbies like reading or programming and I can't relate to them anymore. Here I am, a lazy NEET with anhedonia and no motivation for anything, and I see people who I thought were like who actually end up being the complete opposite. My only cope is gone, and now I don't know what to do.
Sense of uselessnessAnyone else feels like not made to function?
BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)Anyone else here living with BPD?
HAPPINESS IS AN ILLUSIONLet me start off by saying that I fucking hate Aristotle's definition of happiness. Don't get me wrong, it's genius, but I think it's genius in the same way that the Great Train Robbery of England was genius or a con man talking you into giving them your wallet is genius. It's encouraged these semantic mind games where the definition of happiness gets so twisted that it no longer has meaning. Particularly frustrating to me is the countless conversations I've had about this where the person I'm talking to relies upon their final trap card, "Well, I'M actually talking about the Greek word, 'Eudaimonia," (followed by the smugest face you can possibly imagine).
Addicted to sleepAnyone feel like this?
"What are you doing with all that time?"Time just flashes by and even if I try to do something useful it goes by so fast and I get so little done and then I just give up and going back to surfing the web. I'll really never understand people who can level up in skills. My 20s have passed by like a flash. I tried to do transcription since it'd be comfy relatively but the audio on the test was so bad that I spent so much time on it, and I probably failed anyway.
Life if COVID restrictions had been in place foreverI am on the cusp of being a wizard and have been a shut-in for the majority of my life. I've started to think that I'd be less fucked over if the COVID restrictions had been in place for all of it since a good chunk of things in my way have been not being like other people. Of course, there's socialization required in online meetings and such, but the whole normalfag essentials of in-person networking, making friends at school, etc. would be avoidable. It's a pointless hypothetical but it's unfortunate we don't have a world with really limited social contact.
Communication as a way of doing nothingI not am a sad man, I just am a really frustrated one.
HopeWhat is hope? Do you still have hope?
Has anyone sold plasma before?As a depressed neet soon-to-be wiz I'm broke as fuck, I never tried selling plasma since it's usually ghetto as fuck and I thought I wouldn't pass the tests, but I'm desperate now. Have bills to pay. In retrospect, I should have just started when I began neeting.
how to be a good human pleaseHi Team,
Dick Cheney did Dick CheneyI've been doing some thinking and I want to gauge other's thoughts on this, but I just want to preface what I'm about to say bt stating that I'm not anti nihilist and I empathize with the defeatist mentality. I understand that sometimes life really does fuck you disproportionately more than others.
Internet is too cringeworthyAnyone else have trouble looking at the internet now? all this lame cancel culture, me: nobody:, ya'll,dont say the n word, am i a joke to you? templated phrases for the cattle to fall under and whites trying to talk like blacks. censorship is the worst i've ever seen it at. everything can get you banned and your chance at a future ruined, they can dig up you saying the word fag 8 years ago and unironically ruin your life with the help of mega corporations while posting the same 5 images of kpop and being passive aggressive/smug. it is like being in a daycare of retarded children hitting you and not being able to talk shit to them, or am i just losing my mind and/or jaded?
Getting Bullied at WorkI don't know how to start this. I don't post very often and I'm not good at writing.
my faith might never be restoredI'm currently on my 5th job where I have lost my faith in humanity again. Currently and thankfully I'm on vacation, staying at home, so I can get away from that shitty place. I have endured abuse of power, bullying, gossiping, etc. Not only at work but outside as well. And to my stupidity of trusting others and lack of proof I have not done something legally. I'm sick and tired of working these shitty dead end jobs. I'm sick and tired of dealing with manipulative crappy people. Of people who take advantage of others. I'm so fucking annoyed and done with dealing being blacklisted in the community. And being thrown a shitty job where they know my "controversial" past and hate my guts. Yet give me a position and try to make me leave. All because I got pissed off towards an older business couple by legally requesting to document something. I'm fucking done with that bullshit. MY FAITH IN HUMANITY AS BEEN LOST TIME AND TIME AGAIN AND I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE IT. How do you live with this? I'm so angry and ANNOYED. GOD I FUCKING HATE THIS. All I can think about is that for my next job I WILL HAVE proof and I will take it to court if they fuck with me again. How can I ever so fucking restore my faith in humanity?
@Trolls- To allthe people who make fun of suicidal wizards, who announce their suicide here:
Cognitive delayDoes anyone else here have the experience that their general information processing, meaning the time in which you perceive, understand and respond to stimuli and information like text, speach, imagery, pattern recognition, semantics, and so on is delayed by one-few seconds compared to the average person? I am not retarded, I have an IQ of around 120, but I experience this phenomenon all the time. I think this cognitive slowness has to do with my general affective and emotional numbness, but I'm not sure. How I came to this conclusion, the symptoms if you will:
Dakimakuras, body pillows, teddy bearsAlright, I’m proably on the edge of rules but I’ll take the risk. Do any of you have dakimakuras (or other non-anime body pillows) that you hug when you sleep? How does it feel like? Does it relieve the stress or the sadness?
absolute mediocre and inferiorI'm absolute mediocre or bad at everything I do. My favorite hobbies, of which I have a lot of passion for, are playing videogames and playing guitar, and I fucking suck at videogames and my guitar skills are mediocre besides playing for some years. My grades at school were always mediocre or bad and I couldn't enter for the course I wanted at university. Besides that, i'm pretty much ugly while my brother is the opposite, and what irritates me the most is that we came from the same parents and while I have mediterranean skin color he is 100% white, I have dark hair and dark eyes and he has light coloured eyes and blonde hair. We both have spanish genes (besides not being born in Spain), but while he is intelligent, sociable and white, I look like a fucking mexican and I can't excel at anything. God, not even at smash bros which is a fucking children's party game i'm good at. If my brother told someone that he has celtic ancestry (part of the family comes from Galicia) everyone would believe it, now if I said the same thing people would laugh at my face and tell me i'm not real white.
MomI hold a lot of resentment towards my mom for the way I am today. In my early to mid teens she would always make fun of me and bully me because I had no friends and never went out. I suffered terribly from anxiety and depression but she never noticed or cared. She would just keep bashing me and bashing me until some days I would cry like a faggot full of rage in my heart. Of course this was in my room and I never showed any emotions. I can’t help but think that if she treated me differently or even supported me I would be have better mental health today. My dad on the other hand never really said much. I guess he sort of understood the pain I was going through as a fellow man. I hold little to no resentment towards him.
Why suicide is rational1) Depends on the circumstances, suicide is rational because there is no prospects for improvement or knowing that you wont achieve what you want, so approaching death may be the best alternative depending of the situation, many criminals and homeless people cause lots of problems just to escape poverty and death, they crawl to life like maggots and do anything to stay alive purely by fear alone. Facing death is very honorable and requires a tantamount effort because the will to live present in molecular level, it is a very strong and irrational drive present in living beings without any self-awareness whatsoever.
brother's baby suicideblocking meMy elder brother had a baby boy some months ago and it has kinda ruined my plans for "exiting". I feel tenderness and warmth when I see him,id like to see him grow,and we have good interactions and a wholesome time.
An anti-Anti depression threadHello wizzies.
ITT: Plans of action/Attempting Living with SadnessThere is something, even if it's vague, do you like to do?
self improvement memeDo you wizards ever get frustrated by your family or peers in your community pushing the self improvement meme on you when you know, aswell they do that you're a mentally I'll socially stunted recluse with no real chance to live a normal life?
incline bed therapy +butekyo cured my depressionthis isnt clickbait,its my honest story.
anyone else just a fucked autist?at this point i don't believe there's anything i can do. i try working towards things but the little failures i encounter and stupid mistakes i make along the way just seem to confirm that i'm not really cut out for much. way too defective. i barely passed high school and i couldn't handle the psyche warfare that was community college. i'm 26. now i'm becoming a second class citizen in a country turning into the third world all over (i'm californian) and i have nowhere to run, i'm basically just a sitting ageing duck. i was thinking about getting into the trades but i don't think i have what it takes for that either. i keep thinking i should just get a labor job in some other state or country with less people and real weather cycles, relocate there, and hopefully eventually just die on the job one day. or maybe i will take my savings and go out with an overdose or exit box in a nice cabin during the winter.
The false companion of the internet.I feel alone with frequency and seeing people online interacting in front of me has being the "solution" of this problem for quite a while, I spend all my waking hours here and others Imageboards. Leaving my computer increases my anxiety and upsets my mind.
When should you go?I know there’s already a suicide thread, but this is more of a philosophical thread. I don’t want to ask, “How should you kill yourself?” or “Should you kill yourself?” but rather, “When should one kill oneself?” or really more of a “Shouldn’t EVERYONE consider eventually committing suicide?” And I also wanted to bounce these thoughts around because it’s not exactly like you can have a straightforward conversation with your mom about suicide.
Copes your parents gave you growing up"you're so young"
Dystheism threadI both believe in and thoroughly hate God. Now a lot of you atheists will think “LOL WhY hATe GuD InSteAD thInK HiM not ReaL?” But disbelief is not an option for me due to intense personal revelation. That’s right, I was in the thick of it, fasting for numbers of days at a time, getting tested by demons and I have fuck all to show for it aside from some psychotic diagnoses I was finally able to milk for neetbux. I’m going to hell and let me tell you God is an importunate douche.
Life is unfair and I'm sad about itLately I've come to realize life isn't going to magically turn around like I thought, now I am 26 and life only seems to have more horrors in store for me, in every respect. But it does give me a strange painful feeling of betrayal, by what or whom I was betrayed I don't know, I just thought that the pain in my life would be over eventually.
Nietzsche's Eternal Reoccurance of the Same>What if a demon were to creep after you one day or night, in your loneliest loneliness, and say: "This life which you live and have lived, must be lived again by you, and innumerable times more. And mere will be nothing new in it, but every pain and every joy and every thought and every sigh—everything unspeakably small and great in your life—must come again to you, and in the same sequence and series … The eternal hourglass will again and again be turned—and you with it, speck of dust!" Would you not throw yourself down and curse the demon who spoke to you thus? Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment, in which you would answer him: "Thou art a god, and never have I heard anything more divine!"
Meme suggestions for neets>learn data science(involves math/professional bs)
Health problemsAll my life I suffered rare health problems. First as a kid I had severe migraines and couldn't go out in the sun and play like the other children. I also suffered from asthma and a chronic cough. Then, when my teeth began to grow in, I had permanent ankylosed tooth, where my molar teeth were fused to the jaw bone. I went through many surgeries to try to save these teeth but ultimately they had to cut one out. Now I have only 3 molars and csn't chew on one side. I also have a big gap in my teetb, they tried to fix with braces but the braces kept breaking for some reason and hurting my mouth so they gave up and left it. As a teen I had frequent stomach problems and was diagnosed with cyclic vomiting syndrome. In my early 20s, I got diagnosed with keratoconus, a degenerative eye disease that required two painful surgeries, and left me with badly damaged vision. Now, at age 26 I have been diagnosed with s squamous cell carcinoma, a type of skin cancer, even though I rarely go into the sun. This is not even mentioning many small problems like allergies and frequent colds and my extensive mental health issues, which I assume others have. I don't even conduct my life in an unhealthy manner, I just have terrible genes that are badly adapted to my environment. I sometimes feel like a mistake of nature or that the world wants to kill me.