Depression Crawl Thread LXIPost here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
Anti-Suicide GeneralThe purpose of this thread is to counter the general tenor of sadness that defines all the other threads. This thread will therefore feature practical advice about reducing suicidal behavior even when we feel most suicidal. Naturally, being that I started the topic, I will be the first to contribute.
How do I cope with being uglyIt's like no matter how neurotypical I try to be or how positive or outspoken I try to be, it just rubs "normies" the wrong way.
It sucks to be a physical freakIf my problems were purely emotional I think I could cope. But I have physical flaws that make me feel like a freak and hated by anyone who isn't family. I've got Seb derm on my face, and I've seen many dermatologists and tried every over the counter treatment possible, but nothing in the long-term has helped. It looks awful and the only option I have to is to wear cover-up (though I'm a guy), but that's noticeable too. I also have head tremors that look especially odd when I walk or drive a car. And on top of that i have a stutter, which can only be hidden when i don't talk (obviously), but is quite noticeable in most conversations. These things make me terribly anxious to be around people. I've tried to come to terms with my physical flaws, but I just can't. Every time I go outside I feel like everyone's eyes are on me. I'm jealous of people whose problems are just mental.
semen retention is my only goal and skillSo far, I have, Im having, wet dreams every 7 or 11 days. sometimes 2 in 10 days. so, its not TRUE Retention. I feel SR, the true deal, is my only goal, skill and boon.
being bald feels like a death sentenceI've been on finasteride for 2 years and I just lost my job and had to move back with my parents and I noticed that my hairline is receding it looks bad, my hair is thinning too, even the back and sides are thinning so I will never be able to get a hair transplant. I've always been anxious about going bald because I have a really bad head shape and I just don't look good without hair, or well, i look worse than with full head of hair.
It's over - thread for the doomedHello. Despite this being a depression board, it seems most people are still around trying to do something. I am in a situation where except dying there is nothing to do, so i decided to make a thread wondering if there are any other people like me online, since it's almost impossible to find anyone even on the outskirts of the internet.
It feels like goodness only exists in fictionI hate to say it because i was an idealist raised by tv and books, but it seems like good people, for me, only exist in fiction.
I'm in hellI genuinely cannot see how this world could be anything but hell. It's as if everything has been finely crafted for my suffering and misery. I'm not even in an incredibly poor or war torn area, but I know that I do not, and could not ever have the means to do anything with it. If you took any random street shitter from Mumbai, they would be more capable than me. They are stronger than me, and are more fit for survival in this world than me. The same could be said of nearly any person if you were to choose someone random 1000 times. I am weak. I am hideous. I am mentally deficient. I am utterly incompetent and incapable of doing anything that could make my life better in any way. My life is just a train crash that I am forced to slowly watch while knowing there is nothing I can do but take a seat and wait for oblivion. I do not see how this could even be an accident. I got one in a couple billion shit luck, and you mean to tell me this is just the result of randomness? No, there is definitely something out there that sent me here to suffer. There's no way. I can't accept anything else.
How do we get used to it?How are we supposed to get used to loneliness and the fact that our life is fucked up?
How do I as a Poor Retarded Pajeet make peace with the fact that I'll never get to live in America?I know that majority of Indians will probably never leave India. But I grew up watching American movies as a kid, I was frequently bullied by my parents and people around me which made me seek un-Indian media, an escapism of sorts. And some of the happiest memories of my shitty childhood involve watching movies like 'Dr. Dolittle', 'Home Alone', and 'Baby's Day Out', I have always dreamt of how cool life could be in America, with sexy highways, unbelievably beautiful nature, big houses, pick-up trucks, polite people, less pollution, and incredibly minuscule population density compared to the shithole where I live.
Death of the UncoolDeath of the Uncool - End of the Wizards V
Go to the gym, do this, do thatHow did we go from one gender not being able to vote to an utter gynocracy in just a single century?
31 and no skillsHow do I stop thinking about my lost years?
I feel nothing but anguish and I long for nothingI just graduated college, a few years after all of the people my age that I studied with in middle school and high school, I'll be 30 soon and, despite finally accomplishing "my" goal that I feel obligated to do because my parents wanted me to, I feel even more lost than I did when I got into college, it was pure torture for years, with a few decent things here and there, some people were quite nice to me over there, but it's likely I'll never see them again. I've spent all of these years torturing myself while I was there, as I was the worst student in the class by far, thinking that if I at least managed to graduate then things would open up… not at all, getting a decent job, that I'm able to do without ruining everything in a flash, isn't easy, especially when the people competing with you for those jobs are the same that used to do so much more than you when you studied together, who got better grades and went after more things to do while I was just rotting, doing nothing and waiting for something to happen. I probably won't get a job soon, and if I do it'll still be horrible, I'll wake up when I don't want to, to go do things I don't want to, and suffer at all times, especially since I feel so anxious and insecure all of the time. It's just too exhausting, every time we feel that we've gotten to the finish line, it's always just a checkpoint and we have to keep going even more… I don't want to do it anymore, but I don't want my parents to be sad if I end it all for myself, and I'm afraid of the existence of a Hell waiting for me when I die.
Mommy issues and evil succubi (relief)My life is not suffering, it is very far from it, and I have really improved a lot this last year, to the point that I feel like a different person, however, events happened in my childhood that made me a failure. First of all, there was the divorce, I have a kind of "dissociative amnesia" or forgetfulness due to age because I don't remember, it happened when I was 4-6 years old, it wouldn't be strange at all if it weren't for the fact that it was a very scandalous one that caused a lot of domestic violence, I have no memories but my brothers confessed to me that it was torture, but this would be bad for us if I had not lost my father figure, I separated from him, especially emotionally, and I was very much in charge of my mother.
Antidepressant ThredIn this thread, we shall discuss everything SSRi-related.
Neurotypical parents are degenerate demonsNeurotypical parents are degenerate demons who don't want to see you succeed.
Drugs & alcohol general #2It's not a secret that lots of wizards abuse alcohol and/or drugs for any reason (i.e. to cope), some might even consider themselves alcoholics and/or drug addicts. Using is a big part of our lives and we should have a space to express our daily experience.
wtf do you do with no talents?I've been feeling a lot of regret over being a 30yo NEET as the loop of consuming entertainment has gotten boring and unfulfilling and I got the desire to do something productive and creatively and intellectually challenging but the problem is that I am neither creative nor smart. I've been doing short internships in trade jobs and the simple mechanical work and the simple minded colleagues depressed the hell out of me. Obviously I also lack the social skills for networking to make up for lack of talents. So I'm feeling lost right now. Any kind of jobs I would like seems too high-pressure for me. I could just get a boring job and a creative hobby but then I fear I won't have any energy left for it after work.
It happened againYou know those dreams that show you, your real emotions. How empty and helpless your truly feel under the masquerade of dopamine driven hedonism, as your consciousness falls into a dark hole of unconscious with only the feeling of sorrow and restlessness to validate your own existence by being taunted a few glimpse of beauty that you lack mentally and physically. Constantly drifting in a wave of pain and suffering of feeling insignificant and hatred for my own identity. Noticed this feeling take place when awake, mentally lost and mindless when thinking about something or think about nothing at all. Coming to reconcile that I'm an NPC or soulless to some degree. Yet feel restless, if I'm soulless why does the desire for beauty, not just physically but mentally always become a constant burden to bare. How do I ascend without accepting myself.
Why did I even bother?>Venting to succubus over insecurities in my looks that I've had since 11yrs old
Depression Crawl Thread LIXPost here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
one wizpill you must always rememberNormalfags hate virgins.
Rare disease ruined my life>have normal, happy childhood
HighschoolWhat was highschool like for you guys? I feel like highschool shaped me into who I am and not in a good way. Constantly getting the shit kicked out of me and being laughed at by my female peers is what set me on the path of wizardy to begin with, but I guess I can't complain, a friend of mine from Russia got cigarettes put out on him at school. The worst part is parents and teachers harping on about how those are the best years of your life. Maybe for the genetically gifted, I guess I didn't deserve to have the "best years of my life"
Bye I guesscvdzgd
Shame of being NEETHow do you deal with this?
How to deal with narcissism?I got drunk and it put me into a very self-pitying mood and I ended up bitching about my life online and 3 different people told me that I'm a narcissist and it made me think because I never considered it because I have such a low opinion of myself but after reading some of the criteria it kinda makes sense even though some things like inability to take criticism and lack of empathy don't apply to me. I would say kinda like how here we have the term "failed normie" I would be a "failed narcissist" I guess. Someone who wishes he was special but isn't and the awareness of this fact causes distress.
HomelessI'm 23, have a good family, so i consider myself very lucky, but i guess all that doesn't cut it for me to be happy, i just keep making mistakes, failing at everything i do and feeling worse about myself
New onehello, my name is Daniel, I'm 35 years old, a virgin, as for losing, I'm ethnically Jewish, no confirmations or documents 0, guess where I live and I was born
Feeling Sorry for Young Boys?Just saw a group of young boys walking home from school, with the smallest carrying a very over-stuffed backpack, naturally walking alone and much behind the other boys. After about 30 seconds of reflexive unthinking sadness, I asked myself: Why was this soul born into this world?
Im so close to curing my DP/DRHello i once posted here once about my extreme depression that was depersonalisation/derealisation caused by trauma and involuntary drugging against my will that's still happening.
Depression Crawl Thread LVIIIPost here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
Has anyone else here gone through ECT/Elctroshock therapy?I decided to try it as a “last resort” because it’s statistically the most effective treatment for depression (which still isn’t very good), but I finally gave up after 13 sessions of no results.
Cannot think/Brain-fog continuedWizards, I am discovering many reports of increased mental cloudiness in many unrelated parts of the internet. People generally to my judgement at least appear slower and more aggressive these days than in years past. The color of their minds has become grayer and far less sharp, if you will. Even the world itself feels "less real" and more muddled. Disassociation amongst normans is likewise being reported at higher rates today. What is going on exactly?
I'm retardI just wanted to vent about how being stupid is one of the most frustrating experiences.
To a friendIf you are reading this somewhere, I hate you as much as you used to hate me, until things got personal. I still hate you after that. Just by existing and reminding me of a friend I once had. Before knowing you, or your antics, I was fine living ignorantly while hating you. But you cant just stop can you, even fate is on your side to cause me great pain. You have let go of the past and so have I, but my hatred is now redirected especially as it lapsed in with my moral judgement. I hope one day you meet someone you get along with only to be stuck in the same dilemma. A great yearn while still in chains of your own self disgust. But your kind doesn't have to suffer, so I guess there is no retribution for everyone. Especially when gods pet is the one doing it. Maybe you might understand, you are not that far gone, especially since you have a social mask for a reason. You just couldn't let me live in blissful ignorance. I genuinely hope you live prosperously and become aware of the lives you walked on as you slowly degrade into realization and guilt. You're not that too far gone, you're not. Now I know how the devil felt, there are two sides to the same coin but it so happens that one side is shinier than the other whole the other is held down by a heavier weight that makes the coin always land on heads. But one day that shine will ware off due to your negligence that coin will be just another collection to a cast ocean of unimportant dead hopes and dreams.
Leaving my body behindWhy do I fear leaving behind something I hate at the expense of my own dignity and self preservation for my own chaste. If experiencing the unknown is peaceful and or boundless what is keeping me from experiencing it's beauty. Just think of being in a state where you are clay before it was pottery made by novus hands. What makes humans so entitled to reproduce at the expense of their children. I only see a nurse restraining a patient that wants to end their existence of a one sided delusional loved relationship. How can the other love when they scream out in agony? The dilemma of prolifers so called empathy ends when they see a deer is near immobile in suffering and fail to see the same logic applied to a human. Ethical concerns end at a pugs physical attributes that causes suffering and calls it eugenics when true empathizers want poorgenes to be wiped out. A merciful god would not prevent death while allowing those who didn't make it to heaven to live on for eternity. Free will until it's inconvenient to their Majestys glory and light. If free will then allow the non existence of damned souls, if against eugenics then allow pugs to reproduce, if prolife allow the animal to suffer an agonizing death. Poor moral judgements kind of frustrated me. How can we allow some people to have opinions if there opinions are polluted with contradictions.
Ignoring emotions and retaining perfect controlI want to work on being able to ignore my emotions and stay in control of my actions despite whatever is going on underneath. I am pretty sure it is possible as this has been a goal of mine for a long time now and I have made some progress. Has anyone here managed to do this? Any tips would be appreciated. I want to be able to live a life unrestrained by things like fear, doubt and anxiety. I assume if you just brute force your way into appearing perfectly calm and composed and brute force yourself through doing the things you want to do it should be possible. The trick would be to be able to retain outward control despite strong inner emotions. I have done this before a few times, now I just need to be able to reproduce the effect consistently.
The situation awareness cycleI live with my parents and NEET and keep my mind occupied with the internet and entertainment but occasionally something will happen to remind me of my situation and I get baffled and stunned over how I got myself into this mess. Like my parents mostly let me be but once in a while they will ask me what I am doing and when I will get a job and I sadly have no answer or they will have obnoxious guests over that make me wish I had my own place. Or I get reminded of something and it makes me realize how much time has passed with me making 0 progress.
Not feeling aliveLife does not feel real to me most of the time. It's not even a result of sleep deprivation, since i feel the exact same on weekends too. I have trouble describing it, but life just feels like a dream or movie a lot of times. Sometimes I'm not even sure if this life is real. This might just be a dream or a matrix or something else. Because I don't feel anything.
MFW I don't have a single photo of myself.How is it even possible to have such an unremarkable and horrible life like I do. This is something that I want to share, I post on the interent, including here because I want to be heard, and I want to show people that I exist, and I have realised that this is attention whorery. I have also realised that I will never rise above this. I just want to show people that I exist.
How to accept how mundane life is?I think it's because I've missed out on having friends and instead isolated myself that I have unrealistic desires of life.
im becoming a wagie against my will~Welp, the time has come. I'm finally at the stage of my NEETlife where my parents are threatening to kick me out if I dont find a job. Well, my dad and his gf are threatening me anyway. It sucks because she's such a vindictive whore that wears a huge niceness mask whenever she's around me, but obviously talks shit about me as soon as I leave the room. I'll hear her phone conversations with my father, and she'll just go on and on about how much of a worthless leech I am. It's funny because she hasn't worked a day in her life, and is currently leeching off my father. Guess she wants me out of the picture so she can have him all to herself? succubi are possessive like that, it's fucking scary. But, I guess I'll have to overcome my autism and do the "fake it till ya make it" method everyone always talks about. I'll also need a licence, which I've been trying to get for years. I scheduled a driving test, hope I dont get a shitty tester that marks me for mistakes I didnt even make like last time. Do any of you wagiewizzies have some advice for me? I plan on becoming a stockclerk since i dont get easily overwhelmed by physical work, but I still need to overcome my tism when it comes to the job interview. How do I easily fake my emotions and put on a happy face so the interviewer doesnt get pissed off and deny me?
Consistently getting recorded and leakedToday I went to a class and I got recorded and posted online even after I performed like shit.
The need to DOAbsorb yourself in to this image I have made. It aims to encapsulate a feel that many wizards new and old have felt. The need to DO, to create, to experience, but in the overwhelming world of options on exactly what can be done, it's hard to settle for anything, resulting in NOTHING. Everything from mood changes to how our joints ache can determine what we consider a worthwhile time sink at any time. Justifications for doing one or the other can altered by outside forces like what is the most profitable, what will get us the most wizfriends online, or what will put us in the history books (outtakes chapter).
How do i beat this time anxiety?I get really upset that the three winter months over here (May to July) went so damn fast. I love the cold weather and early darkness.
Another panic attackStuck in a dilemma where my personality is overly affectionate and feminine but your appearance is masculine, not even attractive masculine. Or soft on the eyes to at least relieve some of those heavy features. Picture those old cowboy movies where there is "that" one drunkard stereotype and mix that with mediterranean features. It's just so grotesque and filthy. Come to think of it maybe it is what added to my mental issues, seeing an abomination look back at you.
computer smashingFor the past three years I've gone through a cycle of