Depression Crawl Thread XVIIIPost here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
Never improving despite wanting toI kept wondering how come I have these frequent moments where I feel like I woke up from a slumber and wonder how I could have let myself go so badly. Then I get the motivation to improve myself but soon I go back to my routine until the next "wake up" moment in a few months. How come all this time in all these years I didn't manage to improve my life even a bit? It has been like 9 years by now. More than enough time to improve yourself. It's quite shocking.
driving anxietyAnyone else having driving anxiety? Do you deal with it somehow? Any success stories? Any accidents? Scared of parking or of normie drivers judging you and telling you off?
The Egg PrisonPart I;
Pls respondLevel 25 wiz here. How should I handle my current situation?
body languageI think my body language makes sometimes fake signs.
Real life conversationTo have a ,,normal" conversation in real life you have to think quickly and reply in quickly way.
HiHi. I’m Carson, I recently turned 19. Forgive me if I do or say something outside of the norm here, I’m new to wizard Chan and image boards in general. I suffer from severe depression and I am a kiss-less virgin (almost what I guess you call an “apprentice wizard”?). I dropped out of school in the 8th grade at my parents request and I have spent the last several years of my life at home, alone. I have social anxiety and terribly disabilitating depression. I long for social interaction and friendship. I am considering returning to school for my senior year (I can test out of the first 3 years of high school, should I want to), but I don’t know if it is the right thing for me. I am terribly awkward around people. Someone online suggested that Wizard Chan might be the place for me. So here I am. I must also ask, is everyone here a virgin by choice, necessity, or because they can’t get a girlfriend?
no point in postinganybody else fail to see the point in posting anything anymore?
I ruined my faceI don't have much to confide in. Im skinny fat, borderlining manlet, awkward, poor and dont have much special talents or hobbies. but 1 thing that always cheered me up was my face. i wasnt chad or anything, but definitely like pretty boy or something along those lines
InsanityDo you ever wonder if spending a significant amount of time alone is driving you slowly insane? Like finding it harder to separate daydreaming from reality, not being aware of things happening around you, changing the ways in which you react to situations and external stimuli etc?
trapped in my headsince a few years back i grew to despise the situation i am living in. im a teenager and living with narcissistic parents. i am also politically incorrect and study in a very,very leftist school,with almost no freedom in my life.
No willpowerI just can't get over how little willpower I have.
CopingHow do you deal with the fact that you're going to die alone? Whether by your own hand or by circumstance.
daydreaming>And what loving-kindness, oh Lord, what loving-kindness I felt at times in those dreams of mine! in those "flights into the sublime and the beautiful"; though it was fantastic love, though it was never applied to anything human in reality, yet there was so much of this love that one did not feel afterwards even the impulse to apply it in reality; that would have been superfluous. Everything, however, passed satisfactorily by a lazy and fascinating transition into the sphere of art, that is, into the beautiful forms of life, lying ready, largely stolen from the poets and novelists and adapted to all sorts of needs and uses. I, for instance, was triumphant over everyone; everyone, of course, was in dust and ashes, and was forced spontaneously to recognise my superiority, and I forgave them all. I was a poet and a grand gentleman, I fell in love; I came in for countless millions and immediately devoted them to humanity, and at the same time I confessed before all the people my shameful deeds, which, of course, were not merely shameful, but had in them much that was "sublime and beautiful" something in the Manfred style. Everyone would kiss me and weep (what idiots they would be if they did not), while I should go barefoot and hungry preaching new ideas and fighting a victorious Austerlitz against the obscurantists. Then the band would play a march, an amnesty would be declared, the Pope would agree to retire from Rome to Brazil; then there would be a ball for the whole of Italy at the Villa Borghese on the shores of Lake Como, Lake Como being for that purpose transferred to the neighbourhood of Rome; then would come a scene in the bushes, and so on, and so on
How to beat comfort addiction?I was reading a thread about drug addiction and someone said that you never stop being an addict and the only way is to stay away from drugs as it only takes one taste to go back to using them. Many agreed.
Resolving negate thought spirals?I don't know if there is a name for it but here is how I feel.
memory anchor /?/whenever I think about something I always imagine myself in therapy talking to people, doesnt matter theme I always go to that place in my daydreams and it makes me desperate that I cant let go and I only think about it
Hemlock and stuff.Hello board. I dont mean to bother anyone, but id like to know if anyone has any experience with water/poison hemlock. Every resource brags about Socrates like they are the first to notice this "interesting fact" but no one specifies what sort of drink he used. Many say that they failed to game end themselves after trying to ingest parts of hemlock. I dont want to make any mistakes and end up a cripple here.
What a jokeTalent isn't just a pursued interest. It's an inherent advantage to pursue an interest successfully.
I think I've reached a point in my adulthood that's just as bad as my childhood.People die when they no longer breathe and when they are forgotten. But when I was little and went through hard times (like any aspie) I always told myself that this life was just going to get itself over with. Meaning that all the weight of the pressure and emotional pain gave me no reason to look forward to the future, even if I was alive throughout it or not. Granted that I wanted amnesia throughout my childhood the same way I wanted suicide throughout my adolescence and early adulthood to help me get rid of these heavily bad memories if I had too many to recover from them.
Parental ResentmentEven though I'm almost 30, I can't let go of the resentment toward my mom. I tried to read many online posts on forgiveness, but it's difficult. My mom was old and poor (40+, welfare) when she had me with a 40+ year old, short (5'1"), ugly (100% Jew), poor (homeless living in a tent), sociopath (killed small animals for fun, abusive etc). Not only was I screwed genetically, but I grew up poor and isolated in a dysfunctional "home" in the countryside (Would have been nice if not for my mom). My mom became a single mom due to her terrible choice in partner. I wasn't fed proper meals or even taught to brush my hair. I became isolated from peers from a young age. There was no public transportation, I relied on my mom. There was no extended family (they are also crazy though), nobody. I became isolated from my peers early on because I couldn't even discuss tv shows (we didn't have tv) and had holes in my clothing.
My grandma is dyingShe's the one who raised me. Obviously I've thought about suicide before but now that this nightmare is happening I feel like there's not a single reason to keep breathing after she dies. Hasn't even happened yet but this dread I feel is enough to make life intolerable, can't even think about anything else or have any hopes for the future. Can barely even talk to her without crying.
Depression Crawl Thread XVIPost here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
FriendsIs "friendship" just like religion? I mean, just like people pretend to believe in God to get in a certain social circle that they can use to advance themselves, is there a similar game that occurs when two people call themselves 'friends?' More generally, when people say 'social skills,' do they really mean the set of Machiovellian skills of choosing when to deceive or trust other people to try to put yourself in a higher social clique?
Revenge vs fighting backI've been getting harrassed by someone for more than 3 years now, but since we live in a world where apparently hurting succubi is bad (even though they hurt you much worse) yet not vice versa, nobody wants to help me.
AnxietyJust a month ago I started getting anxiety attack where I keep feeling like I’m dying constantly but I never do. I don’t know why Mother Nature had to make a condition like this. I saw a doctor and got checked up and he said I’m fine but I haven’t seen a psychologist yet and I don’t know if I really want medication. It feels like it’s been a long time since I could just lie down and relax and I really wish I could go back to the days when I could just relax and not feel like I’m suffocating.
Psychiatric hospitals are full of normiesI made this thread because I want to share my experience, since I'm pretty sure that some of you made the same experience with the other patients in there.
I'm overflowing with envy and hatredI listen to music and feel envy instead of amazement. I think "They're lucky to make money by only doing what they love. I too have lots of creative energy and even some musical skills and talents, but no one needs that. My parents don't want to support me", etc
post-SSRI threadI'm 4 days being totally off my SSRI per doctor's orders after tapering for about 2 months. The main thing I notice is not the physical side effects, but how my emotions have risen from the dead. My libido too. I just had a nice, good crying spell. I was browsing the internet and saw this poor son of a bitch trying to dance at a club and getting shamed for it, and the look on his face made me cry my ass off. I never once did anything like that while on SSRI, sadness is impossible on SSRI, or any genuine emotion. Honestly this is kinda worrisome.
I feel lack of meaning in my life.what is the meaning of life if you are not exceptional in any way, if you do not look exceptional, if you do not have exceptional talent, if you were not born in a unique place, you don't have any unique skills, or you don't have a bigger goal in life?
Finding a job without a college degree~5 years in college. Exams, but most importantly, insufferable college normans. Sounds like hell. Also, education quality is rather low here in my borderline third world country
I feel like I was brainwashed my whole lifeI think normies braiwashed me. It started with my mother who often told me that I m saying stupid things and I should do everything exactly like she wants me to do.
Depression Crawl Thread XVPost here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
Virtual RealityIs anyone interested in virtual reality and the changes that will inevitable come about when VR becomes highly-developed and widely available to the average person?
The end of the wizards?Posted it in another thread but I feel it deserves it's own thread because of the subject matter.
Body armor, and protection in publicMany of us may not live in safe countries, cities or neighborhoods and I am one of them. Yet I live in what's seen as a beautiful country, safe, clean n green and outsiders typically mention how friendly and peaceful we are. I can assure you we are not. Assault and petty crime is through the roof, more organized crimes and murders are becoming increasingly more common and brutal and we are without means to protect ourselves, as we can get in more trouble than the criminal, also our police really don't care about us.
Worn down by crappy food?I don't care how spoilt this may sound but that's how I feel and I wonder if someone shares this feeling.
Feeling the rot upon your bones>Tell them we are gone… dead… and gone
The worst is yet to comeSometimes I daydream what I would do differently if I had all the knowledge and memories that I do now back in High School. These daydreams always inevitably turn into terrible nightmares. I have knowledge of how terrible society will become. How incredibly stagnant it will be. How rare it will be to even find a page of dialog that I could connect with. I know that if I went back in time with the knowledge and memories that I have now, I probably wouldn't have the motivation and will to even finish High School. Whereas before in my ignorance I might have at least entertained a glimmer of hope, instead I would I know how trapped my personal circumstances really are. I would have no media to look forward to. I would have no future to look forward to.
my life was a mistakeHas anyone else here realized that their life was a mistake by either one, or both, of your parents? I realized this when I realized that my parents don't love each other. My mom married my dad without knowing much of anything about him, basically he was an insensitive weed addicted loser with anger issues, they had one kid together which was my sister and then my mom doesn't believe in divorce so then a couple years later they had me and I grew up with them arguing and yelling all the time and sometimes them abusing me for no reason, especially my dad who would beat on me a lot because I was a sensitive boy. Basically if my mom had the courage to tell this guy to go away then I wouldn't be suffering right now, but she played passive and let some loser impregnate her and now because of that I suffer abuse and incurable mental illness/anguish all the time. At least my mom could be straight with my sister, told her not to marry a dumbass loser like she did, but I'm still here, a big mistake spawned from a jerk and something pathetic.
ReeeeequestIf you see this thread and do nothing you're my kind of guy
Addiction generalAre you addicted to something?
weekend rantI have no family anymore. I cut ties with everyone and it's been months, and it was pretty much only "mommy and daddy" and I'm an only son.
Feeling too old for any sort of online communitiesLately, with the popularity of Discord, Twitch, and Twitter, I don't remember ever feeling so out of my element than I do now.
racist/sexist doctorsDoes anyone ever get the impression when visiting a doctor that they despite your sex or your race and that they wish you would just die and don't want to help you? They play nice but when they phone in their treatment I sometimes wonder if I'm doing anything except giving someone info with which to destroy me.
Depression Crawl Thread XIVPost here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
The last wizardsAre you happy or sad to know we,ll be the last wizards ever to grace this planet?
Dealing with heatThere is a heatwave in my country again and even though people who live in hot countries would go "u call that heat? lol pussy" it's really making me feel terrible. I feel like I can't function at all in this heat. My whole body aches as if I had a fever and my head hurts. I mostly lied in bed so far since the start of this heat wave but I have things I need to do but I just can't in this condition.