On suffering from low intelligence and cognitive impairment in generalSuffering from low intelligence may be one of the worst fates one can have. It’s just a curse. There is no cope left for me. I am so terribly bad at everything I attempt to cope with, that I’ve always given up out of genuine frustration. I’ve never been good at anything, not even average. Without any exception I am the complete bottom of the barrel. Be it video games, writing little stories or something else. I have great difficulties grasping everyday concepts and ideas, which a normal adult man is supposed to understand. There is nothing I can do to stop thinking about it at least temporarily, as I notice this problem or condition (however you want to call it) in literally everything I do. The other day someone tried to explain a game to me, yet I struggled heavily understanding it and the supposed fun become slowly torture until I ran away out of my room and cried. This pattern repeats very often, dare I say always.
I feel like a disgrace to my motherMy mom is supportive of everything and doesn’t force anything upon me but I feel like I don’t deserve her. She’s a single mother who slaves her days to earn money, does the grocery shopping, makes food just so I could focus my time on studying or smthg but I decided to let her down. I’m unemployed, and currently in community college. She paid all the fees for me to attend the big universities just for me to be denied entry because my grades were actual shit. At the time it didn’t bother me, I jus sat around like a lazy piece of shit. But now I’m going to do something with my life, get a job, and try to transfer myself to a university to earn a useful degree. But there are so many people my age and younger, who are valedictorians, play sports, have jobs, and go to the gym. Compared to that I’m an actual disgrace, and the fucked up part is that I had all those opportunities to make my mom proud. She says she’s proud of me, but I’m truly embarrassed of myself. I feel like it’s a little late for me now though, she just wants me to settle down and all but this feeling kills me every single day. Im genuinely sorry.
meds as drugs/intentional alcoholismThis is a 2-fold post which adresses 2 different items.
Growing dangerously disinterested and carelessI am a 20 year old NEET, I have one real friend anymore (online game buddy) and he is several decades older than me. I have pretty much zero other connections to real world human beings. Thus, I pretty much am losing interest in anything. I have no concern for my future at all, and only the faintest worry in the back of my mind this might be a problem. Not quite sure what to do about it if so. Thinking a lot lately about what homelessness would be like. I've noticed things tend to happen pretty unexpectedly, so who knows where I'll be in 5 years or whatever.
What does it mean to be happy?I believe a lot of us are familiar with feeling happy for a brief moment every once in a while, that sporadic stage that's usually a reward when something happens in a way we were hoping for, so essentially when you feel the direct effects of dopamine in your neurons. A lot of the time we achieve this by means which many see as unhealthy, things like masturbation, junk food and drugs, where the whole purpose of doing any of these things is immediate pleasure. I don't want to talk about this sort of happiness though, the one which goes away as soon as it begins, pleasure, I want to talk about what most people see as our purpose in life, to achieve happiness in life, whatever that means.
Should depression be embraced rather than avoided?I was thinking about how a lot of great works happened during an artist's greatest depressive periods:
working remotely overseas in non-coding job?do any of you guys work in a non-coding job that can be done remotely? furthermore, and critically, could this job be done from anywhere in the world whether you had permission or not?
circumsizedI cant jerk off. my cock feels nothing. no frenulum left, not even remanent. cut tight, my dick points to the left because skin is so tight. glans is dry all the time. my fetish is foreskin and phimosis hentai now because I want foreskin so much especially when its erect and the foreskin cover the glan then the bitch lick it to uncover the glans. no rigid band, no gliding sensation. I will have to resort to anal to feel good when masterbating now so I guess im gay until my foreskin grows back.
Anxiety disorderAnyone else have an anxiety order of some kind? It's gotten to the point where I just pace around in my room for hours thinking, calculating and imagining myself in various dark and worrying situations. Things that are permanent, like being outed as a racist, doxed or something and get fired from my job and harassed until I end up homeless or dead.
do stimulants help?Right now I have a lot of trouble concentrating, but since I was in deep depression and had intrusive thoughts, when I took some adderal I had massive stomach aches but still felt sort of good, now that Im a bit better I was wondering if any wizzies who have experience with simulants if it helped them?
pessimistic misantrophyIve been reading Demausse's "journal of psycho-history" and the Big Bad Book of humanity. coupled with my readings on sentience,of for example plaknton,sperm cells,viruses etc..im becoming a very pessimistic person,philosophically.
everything is fake, I despise everythingmoney isnt real, vehicles and buildings are cages,we are automatons of flesh, social media is cancer. everything is just a fart of the big bang…we are a fart.
sleep deprivation stint to access higher realities/trip?Since Im gonna die soon anyways, I dont care much about health issues. Ive been wanting to stay awake for at least 48 hours but I always pussy out and back out and dont do it.
Technology addictionI'm nearing my 30s and if I look back at my life, I see how getting on the internet ruined everything forever.
Stagnation of the wizard archetypeThe archetype of the prototypical wizard has fallen into persistent decline. I believe, owing to the tendrils of technology and globalization having crept into almost every facet of everyday life, the perception of the wizard has degenerated into this weak, fallible shell. Wizards ought to be miserable and self-pitying, they ought to reject and ridicule themselves as society does to them. They take such a dim view of themselves by continuously deprecating their own virtue. I’ll remind everyone here that the wizard archetype, or the magician, is something that existed since ancient times. The wizard is meant to be a guide, an intermediary between that which is unknown and the normie, surface level plane of knowledge. Through isolation and deep self-reflection, the wizard achieves the understanding of the indecipherable through incomprehensible means, but I see all these “dep” threads, and every other post made here, where there is nothing but disdain for oneself and the bearing of this lifestyle. Is the wizard really this self-deplorable creature who detests any form of joy and rejoice? Or should a wizard be one who is content with oneself and is woefully aware of the ignorance of those strangers that abhor the wizardly virtue? Wizards should embody ecstasy and unity, the complete removal of the illusionary principle of individuation. The exemplary wizard should welcome a sort of ubiquitous harmony with the universe and with themselves, instead of casting themselves out of their own virtue and creating a spiritual cocoon between them and the outside world. Does anybody else agree or disagree?
thought i had it badtalked to this homeless dude at a train station today after he said hello. i gave him a cigarette
The Myth of "Functional" WizardsI'm sick and tired of pretending """succesful""" wizards are even a thing. I hate using /r/crab lingo but you're a damn fakecel, mentalcel at the very worst. You know why? Because you just don't go through college mentally unharmed and have enough socialization skills to function at the level required for high paying jobs. You need a bare minimum of proper social skills to get by at that level. I guarantee you're just shy. This is an issue I saw on wizardchan all the time.
Unemployed Long-term neets how is your life and what are your plans in the future?It's obvious my lifestyle is no longer going to work videogames,anime,porn,food, entertainment no longer satisfy me. I have started to realize I have to do something soon or I could end up homeless. I'm looking to get a job and have my own place. I would rather work then live like a rat on the street.This lifestyle is fun for the first few years,but after awhile it starts to reach diminishing return,you start to feel empty, depressed.
Life sucksLong story short, i have fas and schizophrenia
Killing myselfHello there, as the title implies I'm thinking of killing myself. I've been going back and forth on how to do it, either by a gunshot to the head or the helium exit bag strategy. I was wondering what caliber of a bullet would do the job. I was reading to stay away from ammo that doesn't mushroom, like FMJ. For the gun I'm going to go with a pistol of some kind, would a glock do the trick? My second question is about the helium exit bag method. I'm 6'5 208lbs, how much gas would I need to have a successful outcome?
I AM A SOULLESS BEING!I wake up. take adhd drugs. try to complete the courses for a degree I should have finish years ago. get bored and then just masyurbate to porn because it is the only thing that makes me feel good.
Feelings of disconnect and sadnessI’ve felt disconnected from this world for the longest time now, thinking we were just living in this life for nothing and then that’s it, however I had a friend who was Christian and stressed that suicide was a coward action because god will see how pathetic you were on ur judgment day. Now I’m afraid to die, or do drugs because of this underlying fear that what if something bigger is up there. I’m not religious but he said we all have a chance at heaven if we try right now and I just don’t know what to believe at this point.
Education + Education failure and study gapsSo,some good amount of years passed,I failed some IGCSE(edexcel) examinations in the past but many of my peers have surpassed me and this makes me very depressed as well as my parents has been telling me that,they will kick me out of the house.
Psychotic DepressionThread for psychotic depression and other psychotic disorders
Terrified of hellFor a lot of people, the reason they didn't kill themselves yet, is because of family. They are scared that their parents will find their dead body. But that is not the case for me. You know if that will happen with me, then I will for a fact my mother would most likely try to kill herself, because she only has me. And yet she doesn't treat me well for a person that is supposed to love me that much. Anyways, I am not afraid of that, I am afraid of hell. Because it really doesn't matter what religion anyone is, no religion permits someone to take their life. In my case I would say I am somewhat of a christian, but I'm not sure anymore. But hell is just terrifying, I wish I could be an atheist and just kill myself, but I simply can't. Something in head is stopping me from just simply not believing. So my question is, if anyone here had these types of thoughts before like me?
Shame of being a neetI have been a neet for a few years post college due to jobs falling through and being a undiagnosed sperg at the time I lost it. I am trying to reintegrate into society. The problem lies in people's perception of me being a neet I am looked at like a piece of shit on their shoe discreded for just having had a bad time. Why are we not all allowed some time out ? I am trying to get back into social circles and hobbies but it's laterally fucking impossible if you don't lie. i really don't want to keep talking to people as my main source of friendship it is limited what should I do / thoughts ?
Coping with suicidal thoughts and OCD 24/7Every single day I wake up and want to die, the only reason im alive is solely to appease my parents. I have 0 reason to be alive, I dont enjoy anything whatsoever, I literally live to distract myself. Whenever I do anything like watch anime I get intrusive thoughts, basically I just live with these fucking thoughts 24/7, these thoughts make me miserable, and I have to reassure myself over and over again to give myself temporary release. Near the height of my depression I developed delusions that my brain was being experimented on my agencys like an idiot. If my parents were dead I think I'd just shoot myself in the head, im tired of waking up. There is barely anything in my life that brings me joy. And to make matters worse I've only just begun my adult life, im 19 and in university and my life is unbearable, each time I walk around I just feel like jumping off the ledge to my death. It was as bad as it was when I was isolated at home browsing r9k and blackpill fourms. I dont even fit in r9k, its mostly just normalfags there. Soon im going to see a psychiatrist to get an ssri, last time I took one it didnt help but I had significant anxiety back then and had stomach aches all the time, while now Im a bit calmer so hopefully they will help me get rid of the thoughts. I cant believe I have to endure another 10 - 20 years of this FUCKING LIFE. I just cant cope anymore.
RamblingI'm just so tired of it all. All the politics, all the insanity, all the soulless people, all the puppeteers moving everyone's string and feeling like I'm the only sane person around me. The worst is how I envy the puppets, they seem so happy and carefree, while I suffer in silence, slowly being consumed. I want to die, yet I'm too weak to do the job myself. I'm a hopeless romantic, and yet I am a ghost, invisible to those around. Even online, where I should be among others like me, I'm alone and cast away from the groups. I'm """good looking""", yet only see my rotten remains. It angers me so much how crab types are usually right, I want them to be mentally ill nutjobs, to not take their outlandish convictions seriously. It feels like I was specifically cursed from birth to have this shadow over me as punishment or simply to entertain whatever or whoever casted it. I'm hardly a religious nor spiritual man but I can't help but *feel* it. I try to improve myself, take my meds and go to my therapy. It only dulls the pain, the sickness is still there. Beside, I find it more and more difficult to keep going when I'm broken beyond repair. Why waste everyone's time when the outcome will be the same? The worst of it all, is how deep down, I know it's all my fault.
Insanity and IsolationIs anyone else growing insane because of total isolation? I don't even feel human anymore.I sleep away the days and stay up at nights. And i keep repeating. I don't even know anymore what to do. I haven't seen sunlight in long time. My mind feels so broken. I am so tired
Esoteric subjects to evade realityHi
why am I not allowed to post Pepes?21y old here. Missing being able to be alone and playing minecraft capture the flag all day without craving any social interaction. Now feeling like Ill turn into an attention whore. Why is this happening to me? Is it the demonic meds or is this normal with age? Atleast I dont crave succubi but Im feeling very lonely right now. I want friends who can understand me but Im a schizophrenic quiet weirdo with no social skills.
DrugsI’m genuinely extremely surprised I went as far as I did “straight edge” the point of considering becoming an hero before even considering touching narcotics for the first time, not even weed or hash.
Chronic Pain ThreadA thread for those experiencing chronic everyday pain, what is it like, how do you feel, and how have you come to accept the innate suffering of being alive?
How long can that last?If you know anything about the next generation and there similarity to ours you’ll know most of them aren’t having anywhere near as much sex drugs and whatever the fuck boomer highschool movies show teens doing.
Does anyoen else feel old online or out of touch?I had always felt like an other online but it wasn't until 2017+ and especially the past two years I feel old online.
I never thought I’d be here againI didn’t think crabdom or what you see about guys like me in the media was actually accurate or could exist. I just thought I was slow or something compared to most normal adults around me only to come to the realization that I’m lonely, boring as shit and would be considered mentally I’ll by the average person and afraid of sex.
Uncaring, unfeeling, coldI was thinking maybe the reason why I feel so miserable all the time is actually because everybody else seems so cold, detached, unfeeling. Automatons. Sometimes even passive-aggressive, or antagonistic.
TINNITUSNow that I have tinnitus, I hear a static hum in my ears at all times; unless there is an obviously loud noise masking it. Life has become worse than I even could have imagined, and that's saying a lot.
Barely FunctionalI've heard throughout all my life that I was a smart kid and I've a lot of potential. Looking in retrospective, this was only a pleasant way to say that I was different from the rest. I always stood out not for good reasons.
Why do I hate women?Not all succubi of course like my mom and shit like that, but recently I have been filled with rage at just the sight of a female. I think it's because succubi are inherently valuable to society. The truth is they offer so much by just existing (breast, ability to have kids ect.) Men are expendable. I feel I try so hard to be accepted by society but I have been discarded. I see these succubi getting love and appreciation by just existing and i'm filled with jealousy. I want to murder them but i don't know why.
how do i get rid of my social anxiety once and for all?before i begin i am going to preface this post with the fact that evil psychopathic normalniggers are 100% to blame for my anxiety, and without their bullying and negative reinforcement my mind would be in a good place. i will never let anyone gaslight me and convince me otherwise.
The Destruction of the Suspension of DisbeliefI titled this post after the origin of my first trauma when I was 16. It also describes what I believe to be a 'shared trauma'. The destruction of the suspension of disbelief in more understandable terms could be synonymous with the destruction of delusion, perhaps when a Christian finally discovers the absence of God, or when a child is told that Santa doesn't exist. Another example might be when a movie-lover stumbles upon behind-the-scenes tapes of his favorite movie, and having all of his beloved content alas shown for it's artifice. For some reason this type of trauma was very poignant for me personally. This destruction of the suspension of disbelief was also the origin of my pathology. Here I was riddled with depression, and was subsequently bed-ridden for a period I am tentative in admitting. This pathology led me to substance abuse. I developed a fixation with abusing over the counter cough medicine. Surprising to most mind's is the substance's ability to produce euphoria and a psychedelic high to rival the likes of LSD or psilocybin mushrooms (even though I had never abused these). I have also suffered the tribulations of a vagabond. Within the years of homelessness, I grew a misanthropy to rival that of some of the greatest tyrants in history. Here I came to study the lives of communist and fascist leaders. After a while I concluded that fascism failed as an ideology (seeing as leaders like Mussolini and Hitler both loss their wars), and those that followed it's dogma failed as well. I believed that as a communist I would be able to subvert this society that is so thoroughly riddled with barely sentient, mean, violent, perverted, and unempathetic people.
ww3 NOW!I want nuclear warfare.
Anime related memes about sexualityJust got out of prison, how is it that I am the only one who likes anime but is still a virgin..
Parents naggingSo I've been a neet for a while and it's all fine and dandy, until my mom mentions that I'm doing nothing. I don't know what to answer.
Shit life, shit situations...Hello wizards, 29 y/o apprentice here. I've been meaning to write here from time to time but never got myself enough will to do it. I've never had proper friends before, childhood, teenager times and even university memories does nothing but give me bad memories of how things ended with people. On the other hand I got to talk people online but even then I am rather sick and tired of making the first move. It's either people are busy with their lives or don't care. It's almost as if there is something prevents others to talk with me for a change. I try my best to keep autism away but nothing ever changes. And this alone drives me crazy.
Happy with being a Virginit's possible? after many rejection from succubus i realized that I don't need a succubus to be happy with my life i prefer to focus my life in other things like my hobbies or have more knowledge can a Wizard obtain a pleasant life without the need for sex? i know it will be a hard life but it takes discipline to overcome our instincts I plan to cut myself from society and interact with Normies and succubus as little as possible to avoid headaches i will also avoid watching porn and fapping to avoid the pain of what can not have I aspire to become an asexual individual being completely free of pain and self sufficient
Im readyKilling myself this holy week (next week)
Brain DecayI think that I have suffered some kind of brain damage over the recent years, possibly due to depression/isolation, drug abuse, gas or lead poisoning, or head trauma, or some mix of these. My evidence is as follows:
Why isn't everybody depressed?Whenever I go outside and see all the wretches that inhabit my country, I don't understand how they can't despise themselves and hate every second of their miserable existence. Fat people, dopers, poor people, ugly people, old timers who are too stubborn to die. I just hate them all. Why do they have to take up my fucking space? The world would be so much more pleasing to look at if we could just purge all these subhumans. Why aren't they all depressed and on the verge of suicide? Why do they even bother living?
Have to move out but can'tI live in 1 room with my parents for nearly 26 years. 2 rooms for 5 people…It is impossible to do anything normally here. There is constant noise, and lack of space. It is hard to hear anything or even think. Even the best headphones in the world aren't enough to mute it. Living like this is hell. I can't stand it anymore, but I can't move out. Even after taking xanax i couldn't force myself to meet a person renting the place. And I only had to walk 100 meters.
Coping with intrusive thoughtsAnyone here have intrusive thoughts? They were really bad for me for a while but I have coped my way through them. I've basically come to realize life is just about chasing dopamine. Normalfags chase dopamine by pursuing relationships, sex, drugs, etc. Wizards chase dopamine through playing vidya, watching anime, masturbating or reading. After realizing that, I knew that my life wasnt necessarily much worse then a normalfags, we are both chasing after dopamine but in diffrent ways. The problem is I dwelled on "blackpill" and manosphere topics for a long time this lead to a lot of intrusive thoughts unfortunetly, but as I said before a lot of those have gone. My newest one is whenever I watch an anime I hear the voices of womens I feel like shit since I hate succubi, I hate the voices of them. How do wizards here deal with intrusive thoughts.
your saviori applied to become a police officer because it sounds more interesting than stackign shelves until im middle aged. they actually accepted me (i was rejected from bottom feeder jobs so this is weird) i live in a fairly quiet EU country too so its not like ill get shot on my first week. i had an interview over webcam and they were asking me questions like where do you go with your friends/partner ect. went out for walk too afterwards passing by all these normalfags in groups going to bars and hanging out. these are the last people id want to protect, in fact i fantasise about a cleansing (in minecraft) idk its my first real job now and i think its funny im doing this now. no where else to verbalize it
Why does mainstream media fetishize highschoolIt’s like fucking elementary type garbage. They still treat you like a child, you still do menial and easy as shit tasks for nearly all courses and by the time your done all that’s left is either homelessness or getting into post secondary, what’s the use value in promoting this period in human development ffs I don’t think anyone in my high school years did anything beyond mindlessly studying and avoiding relationships romantic and platonic simply because no had time for that shit
Expecting too much out of careers?https://mises.org/library/disutility-labor