Stuff you did to avoid school as a kidPersonally, I would claim to be sick as often as possible which was easy since my nose is frequently stuffed up. My best thing was saying spring break started a week earlier and the teachers really got upset with me for that one. I also dodged classes by having to go the nurse's office a lot.
Suicide GeneralThe last suicide general has hit the bump limit.
How is Corona Virus/Covid 19 pandemic making your life worse?>Alcoholic uncle staying with us at Dads place
Physical illness threadWhat is your experience with physical illness? It's one of the things that ruined my life. When I feel sick I can't do anything or even think. For the last 5 years I've felt like I'm dying or seriously sick for long periods of time, sometimes months. I thought I had muscle dystrophia, because of muscle weakness, then spine breaking down, because of head spinning, numbness, problems with bladder. Not to mention heart palpitations, hearing loss(turned out to be temporary because of infection), throat pain and swelling i thought was because of a stuck bone, but found nothing etc.
Psychiatric MedicationsI got a free, renowned psychiatrist specialized in addiction. He gives me free appointment. We have a good relationship, he right away tells me I am his most annoying/difficult patient.
Sense of uselessnessAnyone else feels like not made to function?
LimboIt's a bizarre limbo like state. I hate the real world and I don't really have anything that would make it feasible to survive out there. I probably have several learning disabilities.
Isolation from your former online communityMight be a lame reason to be down under, but do you guys ever feel incredibly isolated from your former online communities as everybody else is gone and you just don’t fit with the new crowd?
Long, neutral blogpost about my trip to the woods. Just hide it.Went with my parents to a nearby conservation area yesterday and we walked a long a trail that took us through the woods. It was notable for being the first time I'd been out in broad daylight this year. I was reluctant to go at first, but I'm glad I did. We went somewhat late into the afternoon and the weather couldn't have been more perfect for someone like me (heavy overcast, with almost Fall season like conditions). The trees and scenery were very nice and much better than I thought it was going to be. We even stopped to simply just take in the surroundings a few times. Peaceful bubbling streams, fallen over trees, open pockets of space interspersing the woodland, shaded glades of moss and lichen. The trail we were on took us up a rather steep incline and it was good to see that my parents, despite their somewhat advanced age, were able to manage it quite well. My mother actually managed to outpace both me and my father much of the time. I'm in OK shape for the most part, but I'll admit to feeling a bit out of breath and winded during the more difficult parts of the trail.
Junk foodIs anyone else in love with fast/junk food? I don't overeat as in I limit calorie consumption on the days I have it, but I'm always craving it and wanting more. In-N-Out, Chik Fil A, and some local places are my favorite. I never tried the Popeye's Chicken sandwich since it's not really in walking distance.
Inventory is emptyReading the end of the wizards thread I wondered:
Sobriety and Accepting Life General #1This is a general thread about addiction (including behavioural addictions), escapism, substance abuse, sobriety, change and acceptance.
how do you keep from snapping?I'm a level 26 wizard. I have a whole system going on I've learned through the years. Get a routine that revolves around stuff I enjoy, stick to it until I die.
hollow menI want to be a hollow man who shows up for an easy 9 - 5 office job 5 days a week, not minding the people I work with but declining any invitation they give me to go out with them while living in a comfortable, cozy house/apartment where it's always dark and gloomy with overcast, enveloped with rain and snow during their respective seasons, with full bookshelves and slightly dusty but otherwise good furniture. I want to be alone and just write every evening, occasionally forcing myself to get haircuts and go shopping for food/new clothing. When I finally die, I don't want to be found for another week or two later, when a neighbour finally notices that my far and few activities have ceased for a while now, or when someone comes to reacquire the router because of an unpaid bill.
Anhedonia. What has been your experience with it?Another shitty anhedonic riddled day to get through. Great. One of my most sincere wishes, and perhaps, hilariously enough, I'm alone in feeling this way even on Wizchan, but I really fucking wish I could just enjoy getting lost in modern entertainment again, specifically video games.
Virus situationHow is the virus situation treating you? It has escalated quickly in my third world memecountry. There's a curfew at night. Can't do exercise/lift, all gyms closed. Companies going bankrupt or laying off people. I'm not having to work, I am likely to lose my wagecuck job. Can't go to supermarkets because only X amount of people can be inside, so there's stupid long lines.
Surviving An Office JobI need help.
Unable to communicateI don't really have much to say. That's somewhat the problem. I'd rather not say anything, but the feeling of wanting to vent so as to relieve the pressure of my thoughts/emotions is still there, despite the fact that I can't find anything to say about them.
Is anyone else just like hopelessly clumsyI really hate doing most physical things because I have like very imprecise control over my movements. Even though my eyesight is fine, my movements are always shaky and I have poor balance. For most people, walking about is just smooth and automatic, but I have to be conscious of every step I'm taking.
No title requiredMany, many years have gone by now for me (13+) where nothing really has happened. I've just laid around my room either lost in escapism, bored out of mind or silently fantasizing about suicide while feeling absolutely miserable the whole while. There's literally nothing worthwhile in my life whatsoever. Nothing enjoyable, nothing special, nothing compelling. Just nothing. And looking forward, there's zero chance this will ever change for the better. Fundamentally, there's nowhere to go, nothing to do, nothing to become, and no one worth the trouble of knowing. Death is hands down the best thing that could happen to someone like me. Unfortunately, like this guy >>>/dep/215084 and so many other wizards, I'm a gutless turd who lacks the conviction & the courage to off myself. Therefore, I'll just continue eeking along in my pitiful little life, on this equally pitiful little world, until whenever it is I naturally happen to keel over & die. Nothing is more pathetic, weak & lazy than simply waiting to die. I know this very well, which is why I look upon those who do manage to commit suicide as having, at the very least, a strength of will that I myself will never know.
Life is a jokeAs we speak, im typing this 4 hours and 16 minutes into my supposed first 5 hour shift as a Freight Associate at Home Depot. The supervisor told us to go to the computer room and do modules, and that he'd check on us in 20 minutes. He never came back, so I've just been sitting here getting paid to browse the internet and do nothing. I don't even need this job because i live at home with a soft ass dad and step-mom with no authority, but i wanted some money. I'm thinking about just clocking in and sitting far back in the the computer room from now on until they either notice me and fire me, or i just stop showing up. In the meantime ill just apply for other jobs.
Awful stories from childhoodI'm going to post some awful memories I have. Mostly childhood and schooling. Some work place ones may come up too depending what I can remember. I want to vent these, and a lot are probably the reason I ended up like this. Feel welcome to post your own. Anyway let's get started.
Accepting being aloneAll my life I have desired kinship, but I'm slowly realizing that even in best circumstances it is impossible for me to form a real connection with another person, especially my peers. There is no one that I can fully open up to, and no place I feel like I belong.
CallousnessDoes anyone feel a lack of affection for people who love you? I think that not all wizards had violence in their family, so there should be anonymous people whose parents treat them well.
Suicide preparations for the aftermathSuicide methods are always discussed but what about the preparations of what you're leaving after killing yourself. I mean a lot may not care and simply leave but how about those who want to leave some "order" either because they have somebody to esteem or to avoid your property being taken by unwanted family members, etc
Body aches7 years ago i worked out for a couple weeks on a ghetto gym with no teacher and i have arthrosis ever since. Im 22 now. Cant do jumping jacks because the shoulders start hurting before i get tired. Cant run without knees and shins hurting for weeks afterwards. Elbows hurt slightly out of random. Back and feet hurts from carrying mere 50lb sacks at work. Fuckin kill me.
how messed up has life been to you?how messed up has life been to you? What's your story?
Anger ManagementMy moods of anger are so painful. Both emotionally & physically. At worst, it literally physically hurts, due to all the anger/tension in my chest. For me, lurking the internet & observing other people's thoughts or interactions with each other, at some some point or another, always seems to make me incredibly irritated, frustrated & downright angry. Reddit is exactly the sort of place that I can't even lurk for as little as 10 minutes without becoming noticeably ornery. And the reason for that is simply due to how annoyed I get at observing other people. What they say, what they think, or whatever else they do. Naturally a certain level of irritation is a given in a place like that, accounting for the fact that reddit is made for & by normals & to be a platform for their stupid normal bullshit. I really can't give an example of another site I "browse", since I literally don't have any. And part of the reason for that is that it would just piss me off too much to browse anywhere else.
DisassociationDoes anyone else have this constant experience where your 'thinking' and 'feeling', your whole experience of the situation, is not integrated with your physical body? It always feels like 'I' exist slightly above my head but that I have lost direct connection to it. My personal perspective seems secluded from its physical condition, the body. There is this term called metacognition which means something like "thinking about thinking" which means to think about yourself from a distant perspective and to me it feels like I am always in a state of meta-cognition and even meta-feeling, where I am above my body and process my bodily sensations from a distant place, secluded from the direct experience our bodies should provide.
Derealization effect on motivationFor many years now I've found myself doubting if the world is real. I keep thinking I'll go to bed and wake up in a completely different "real world". When I reach out to grab something I doubt if it is actually solid and/or expect my fingers to phase right through it.
Not wanting thingsDoes anyone else just not really want things, in a general sort of way? Most people have clear ideas about wanting this or that, some fancy car or house, a boat, a new game, a trip somewhere, etc. Even children are able to answer questions about what they want for Christmas, what they want to do on the school holidays, or what sort of occupation they want when they grow up, but my answer was always "I don't know" or "nothing". And it was true, I just didn't want anything, and it's still pretty much true.
Imaginary friend threadHey. I posted this thread on lounge, but I think this board would be a better place to discuss it. I have had an imaginary friend now for about 5 years. I created her when I was in a dark place, and since then she has helped me get my life together and improve myself tremendously. I am quite honestly sure she saved my life.
bad neighboursmy neighbour suddenly started listening to music every day from 1am-3am, this happened the past 5 days already
Magical ThinkingSo to be honest, as true wizardhood approaches, I realize I have sort of always been engrossed by magical thinking. I was always aware of the factors that would lead to my lack of functionality but I had always been taught to try to overcome them. Some false positives occurred from time to leading me to believe I was special in some sense when in reality I didn't bring any value to the external world. We are ultimately centered on our own experience, so for me that manifested in me seeing myself as a main character. Eventually I'd find something I was good at because that's how it turns out.
Shotgun suicideI am an idiot and have failed at everything I do which is why I need your help. If you have ever shot a shotgun you know they have lots of kick. I am too stupid to understand how to hold a shotgun to kill myself but I know that you need 00 shells and have to put it in your mouth. How do you hold the shotgun to kill yourself? Do you put it against a wall? Do you hold it with your legs? How does that work. Bear with me, I'm an idiot.
feeling trapped on this earth by guiltI can easily justify taking my own life, as I experience a debilitating depression and an uncompromisingly nihilistic outlook on life. Every time I truly consider going through with the act, however, I'm plagued with visions of my mom crying over my dead body.
FlashbacksI'm nearing graduation to wizard, but I'm still a kid deep down. I keep getting flashbacks to shitty experiences and it's really hard to stop them from being triggered. Only thing I can do to distract is wikipedia-dive but that's not productive. It's weird seeing myself as I currently am.
sanityI'm having a hard time at home for something that I admit is probably stupid.
I have no idea what to do with myselfHello everyone, hope you guys are having a decent enough day/night as it is; unfortunately for me however, I cannot say I am feeling the same. As of recently, I have been feeling ever so more depressed and quite frankly, I hardly see the reason to keep living in this cold and unforgiving world. I know what will be the death of me, and that will be that of either suicide or cancer due to me always having acid reflux with my body slowly killing itself as I age with it
Build your church on the strength of your fearsSuffering and fear are force. Wizards can channel this force to achieve anything.
eating.I hate my eating habits. I feel miserable in my body that's slowly succumbing to my poor diet and lack of exercise, I notice new stretch marks and cellulite on my body daily and it makes me sick.
Wasting time because of guiltAnybody here waste time on meaningless thing (internet, games, television, etc) because of immense guilt or anxiety? I waste so many time browsing the internet and such because of the past things that I've done and I don't know how to break that habit. I feel like i'm stuck in a prison.
Coping with low IQ?Does anyone know a good way of coping with being stupid? It's really the worst: you can't succeed and you don't know why. Smart people make fun of you and rarely are people willing to help you for free. It hurts the ego and feels bad but it also lowers the quality of life by a lot because the best ways to make money require you to be a step ahead others.
Eternal oblivion after deathI despise life to an upmost extreme and I want to know that the certainty of eternal void after death is a sure thing ?
I don’t feel the worldIs it normal not to feel the world around you? I mean, I acknowledge it, I understand things exist through my senses, but it doesn’t seem like I really feel the world like a normal person would. Is this what it means to grow up?
Loss aversionAnyone else struggling with this hard?
make me cryMake me cry, I can't cry. I want to cry, been having troubles. I am a worthless drug addict/alcoholic that can't fucking quit. I was 4 fucking days sober, I am back at it again.
how to cope with having to copeI am at peace with the external world, I accept all my situations.
CancerI have a skin disease called Vitiligo, I have white spots around 30% of my body at 25. I live in a very sunny and hot country and it's sunny all day long. The sun burns me easily.
depressing imagesPost nothing but depressing pictures. You can add depressing text, personal anecdotes, et cetera to your post, but each one must contain a depressing image. preferably grayscale and "artsy" but any "blackpill" pictures suffice. I am in the mood to expand my collection.
Very sick dizzy wizzyI stabilize my mood. Some months go by, I start dedicating time to hobbies. I relapse back to severe depression and suicide, stop hobbied and resume substance abuse. Decide to stop one day and improve. The cycle happens over and over again.
Interesting stuff in the world.I feel like there is no interesting stuff in the world anymore. Science has no potential (no cool inventions in the near future), books\movies\games have the same ideas and stories. Programming\ML is a meme.