R: 36 / I: 6
Have I _really_ become some contrarian hipster wannabee? Really?? Are the things I like just all in the past and nothing like them are made anymore nor ever will be? Every mainstream game review, music on the radio, show on television just fills me with disgust or boredom. Why do I feel so alienated in my own culture?
Cultural Alienation
I feel so alienated by modern mainstream media. I really, REALLY have to search to find similar opinions to mine. Every mainstream voice says EXACTLY the same thing. Games that I'm interested in aren't covered by someplace like IGN, but instead some weird website like "Accursed Farms" or something similar. Same with books, movies, shows, music, anime, etc. (even politics).Have I _really_ become some contrarian hipster wannabee? Really?? Are the things I like just all in the past and nothing like them are made anymore nor ever will be? Every mainstream game review, music on the radio, show on television just fills me with disgust or boredom. Why do I feel so alienated in my own culture?
R: 97 / I: 17
Previous thread:
>>220047
Suicide General
The last suicide general has hit the bump limit.Previous thread:
>>220047
R: 27 / I: 3
1. When they bullied me at school, sometimes I thought in my mind that perhaps they have reason for it and it may be partly my fault.
2. When they insulted me at school I did nothing about it, because I thought that if I want to push somebody in the face then I must have good reason for it and being insulted is not enough a reason. I couldnt in most cases insult back thanks to social phobia.
3. Teachers were mad at me when I were fighting with my bully few times at elementary school, so thanks to that I thought that I must avoid fighting with bullies no matter what, because teachers wont like it. So, after elementary school I practically havent fight with anybody, despite being bullied in every school I went to.
4. If somebody told me that I have to do something, the way he wants I did it (even if when in my mind I knew that I should do what I want instead of listening to some moron). If I did what somebody ordered me to do and I didnt like it, then in my mind I was insulting the guy who gave me order (I was calling him moron or something like that)
5. In the middle school even smaller guys than me bullied me, because of me being brainwashed by the teachers that fighting agaisnt bully is bad.
I m ashamed of that.
6. Lots of people yelled at me, mostly for no reason, just because they were frustrated. In the adulthood - I understood - thats just their mentality, which I dont have.
7. When I graduated from middle school, then I wanted to choose high school, but my mother recommended me other highschool, so I did what she wanted me to do and after years I was mad at her, because I could choose better highschool with better people, instead of listening to her.
Everything went so wrong… What do you think about me?
Weird Mentality
I was born with weird mentality. I give you few examples of it.1. When they bullied me at school, sometimes I thought in my mind that perhaps they have reason for it and it may be partly my fault.
2. When they insulted me at school I did nothing about it, because I thought that if I want to push somebody in the face then I must have good reason for it and being insulted is not enough a reason. I couldnt in most cases insult back thanks to social phobia.
3. Teachers were mad at me when I were fighting with my bully few times at elementary school, so thanks to that I thought that I must avoid fighting with bullies no matter what, because teachers wont like it. So, after elementary school I practically havent fight with anybody, despite being bullied in every school I went to.
4. If somebody told me that I have to do something, the way he wants I did it (even if when in my mind I knew that I should do what I want instead of listening to some moron). If I did what somebody ordered me to do and I didnt like it, then in my mind I was insulting the guy who gave me order (I was calling him moron or something like that)
5. In the middle school even smaller guys than me bullied me, because of me being brainwashed by the teachers that fighting agaisnt bully is bad.
I m ashamed of that.
6. Lots of people yelled at me, mostly for no reason, just because they were frustrated. In the adulthood - I understood - thats just their mentality, which I dont have.
7. When I graduated from middle school, then I wanted to choose high school, but my mother recommended me other highschool, so I did what she wanted me to do and after years I was mad at her, because I could choose better highschool with better people, instead of listening to her.
Everything went so wrong… What do you think about me?
R: 18 / I: 1
2 - If 1 is "Yes," what would you say to someone thinking of having kids?
3 - If you still can't convince the person in 2 to not have kids, what parenting advice would you give them to avoid turning up like you did?
Parenting/Antinatalism
1 - Did you have shitty parents?2 - If 1 is "Yes," what would you say to someone thinking of having kids?
3 - If you still can't convince the person in 2 to not have kids, what parenting advice would you give them to avoid turning up like you did?
R: 59 / I: 6
Depression Crawl Thread XXVIII
Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
R: 31 / I: 2
I WANT TO TAKE DRUGS! YES, I want to get high, forget all my sadness and be happy.
I WANT TO TAKE DRUGS! YES, I want to get high, forget all my sadness and be happy.
R: 74 / I: 5
People here are the worst people you can deal with , they are worse than animals
Officers are literally criminals and no one is stopping them from doing whatever they want with soldiers
All kinds of work , hard work that i didn't even imagine that i would do one day
Im introverted , i don't speak much , so they think im weird of some kind
Some soldiers would love to kill me literally , and some told me this and he was not joking
a
Help me how to deal with these people
Mandatory military service
I joined forced military service in january , now im literally losing my mindPeople here are the worst people you can deal with , they are worse than animals
Officers are literally criminals and no one is stopping them from doing whatever they want with soldiers
All kinds of work , hard work that i didn't even imagine that i would do one day
Im introverted , i don't speak much , so they think im weird of some kind
Some soldiers would love to kill me literally , and some told me this and he was not joking
a
Help me how to deal with these people
R: 27 / I: 1
I am 25 now and I know there is something wrong with me. I don’t know if it is autism or learning problems or inability to make rational decisions or relate to people but I know it exists.
Continual Failure
Screwed up out of a good uni twice. Went to another uni and scraped a decent degree. Proceed to eff up a masters due to shitty insomnia. I was ok at school but post 18 I feel like I got hit on the head and became a certified fucking retard. I am very fucking dense and I make the worst decisions.I am 25 now and I know there is something wrong with me. I don’t know if it is autism or learning problems or inability to make rational decisions or relate to people but I know it exists.
R: 9 / I: 2
Stuck with family at home
Anyone else had their peace completely ruined by having their family be home all day because of the quarantine? I'm seriously on the verge of going insane. My father is too loud, he's always coughing and making disgusting noises, and he does them all day long. I just can't bear it. I can't even think or focus on anything in peace anymore, I'm always interrupted by his noises, and it's been that way for months now. I'm getting my earbuds blasting extremely loud music at my ears all day and I can still hear him. I've told him he needs to get medical help, but he doesn't want to get better. It probably sounds stupid, but I'm seriously contemplating suicide at this point because my life is fucking pointless and I don't know how long I can bear with this shit anymore. I just miss having my silence.
R: 8 / I: 0
Has anyone sold plasma before?
As a depressed neet soon-to-be wiz I'm broke as fuck, I never tried selling plasma since it's usually ghetto as fuck and I thought I wouldn't pass the tests, but I'm desperate now. Have bills to pay. In retrospect, I should have just started when I began neeting.
R: 75 / I: 26
I’m still sleeping with a teddybear like a fucking toddler but I really like the feeling. I tried to stop but Ijust can’t.
Dakimakuras, body pillows, teddy bears
Alright, I’m proably on the edge of rules but I’ll take the risk. Do any of you have dakimakuras (or other non-anime body pillows) that you hug when you sleep? How does it feel like? Does it relieve the stress or the sadness?I’m still sleeping with a teddybear like a fucking toddler but I really like the feeling. I tried to stop but Ijust can’t.
R: 27 / I: 1
Depression is a state of constant denial about whether life has meaning or not, but the truth is that the meaning of life is nothing more and nothing less than dying, dying as soon as possible, because you realize that nothing has sense and there is nothing to live for (especially if you have non-white genes in your DNA)
So it is no use taking life seriously because it does not make sense, when you are alone you think and think about many things to the point where you realize that suicide is the best option, of course there are exceptions, but those exceptions are only for the 1% of the world population that can have what they want, for the rest the only thing we do is constantly suffer to continue feeding the fortune and lifestyle of the 1%.
In conclusion, life is simply a state of constant suffering that only serves to satisfy 1% of the population, the solution is suicide since it is the only way out.
Depression is a state of constant denial about whether life has meaning or not, but the truth is that the meaning of life is nothing more and nothing less than dying, dying as soon as possible, because you realize that nothing has sense and there is nothing to live for (especially if you have non-white genes in your DNA)
So it is no use taking life seriously because it does not make sense, when you are alone you think and think about many things to the point where you realize that suicide is the best option, of course there are exceptions, but those exceptions are only for the 1% of the world population that can have what they want, for the rest the only thing we do is constantly suffer to continue feeding the fortune and lifestyle of the 1%.
In conclusion, life is simply a state of constant suffering that only serves to satisfy 1% of the population, the solution is suicide since it is the only way out.
R: 15 / I: 1
Does anyone notice that it's ok to make fun of below average people as long as they aren't TOO bad?
For example, nobody makes fun of cripples or blind people as that would be too mean, but normans find it ok to make fun of someone who is too skinny or has crooked teeth (got bullied with both of these as a kid).
It's like you're bad enough to be mocked, but not so bad to be pitied. It's the worst zone to be.
Does anyone notice that it's ok to make fun of below average people as long as they aren't TOO bad?
For example, nobody makes fun of cripples or blind people as that would be too mean, but normans find it ok to make fun of someone who is too skinny or has crooked teeth (got bullied with both of these as a kid).
It's like you're bad enough to be mocked, but not so bad to be pitied. It's the worst zone to be.
R: 24 / I: 0
30 years old, I'm about to order my suicide method (sodium nitrite, plus maybe gun). Continuous chronic headache the last 7 months plus headache almost every day for 5 years before that. Plus lots of other problems.
But I want to try ordering a psychedelic and using it for headache and other problems first (I've used weed and LSD over 5 years ago) Does anyone know of any good psychedelic research chemicals vendors(I'm in US).
I think I'm too much of a brainlet to figure out darknet markets right now (or when I tried in the past), I can't concentrate.
Thanks for any help.
I'm desperate, got a request
30 years old, I'm about to order my suicide method (sodium nitrite, plus maybe gun). Continuous chronic headache the last 7 months plus headache almost every day for 5 years before that. Plus lots of other problems.
But I want to try ordering a psychedelic and using it for headache and other problems first (I've used weed and LSD over 5 years ago) Does anyone know of any good psychedelic research chemicals vendors(I'm in US).
I think I'm too much of a brainlet to figure out darknet markets right now (or when I tried in the past), I can't concentrate.
Thanks for any help.
R: 38 / I: 2
I started a new job recently in social work. Out of the 28 people in my team, I am the only male. I'd been having a hard time getting along with the succubi in my team coz I'm a social retard and don't really know how to talk to people.
The clients I look after are extremely toxic and regularly abuse me when I try anything that could help them get "better" as improvement is seen as them potentially seeing a reduction in their benefits. To add to that we're heavily policed about the way we talk to our clients, to the point where individual words and sentences are dissected by management.
I've just been pulled up by my boss whom I've struggled to get along with. She identified a specific line in an email I sent. Since then, what was a fairly innocuous relationship, has turned in to one where I'm now being grilled for everything and it seems like she's doing everything she can to get me out of here.
If I do anything well, it's not appreciated. If I make any mistakes though I receive the harshest punishment allowable for that mistake. Everything is recorded and I feel like my boss is trying to get me to quit, or otherwise build up a strong enough case to fire me. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells and if I don't perform perfectly then I will be caught by her and disciplined.
I see the other succubi make mistakes and they're coached. For me, if I make a mistake it's a straight disciplinary action.
It's eating my up inside wizzies and I'm extremely depressed.
I don't get along with others but I need money to survive.
Please help me.
Getting Bullied at Work
I don't know how to start this. I don't post very often and I'm not good at writing.I started a new job recently in social work. Out of the 28 people in my team, I am the only male. I'd been having a hard time getting along with the succubi in my team coz I'm a social retard and don't really know how to talk to people.
The clients I look after are extremely toxic and regularly abuse me when I try anything that could help them get "better" as improvement is seen as them potentially seeing a reduction in their benefits. To add to that we're heavily policed about the way we talk to our clients, to the point where individual words and sentences are dissected by management.
I've just been pulled up by my boss whom I've struggled to get along with. She identified a specific line in an email I sent. Since then, what was a fairly innocuous relationship, has turned in to one where I'm now being grilled for everything and it seems like she's doing everything she can to get me out of here.
If I do anything well, it's not appreciated. If I make any mistakes though I receive the harshest punishment allowable for that mistake. Everything is recorded and I feel like my boss is trying to get me to quit, or otherwise build up a strong enough case to fire me. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells and if I don't perform perfectly then I will be caught by her and disciplined.
I see the other succubi make mistakes and they're coached. For me, if I make a mistake it's a straight disciplinary action.
It's eating my up inside wizzies and I'm extremely depressed.
I don't get along with others but I need money to survive.
Please help me.
R: 22 / I: 2
>I had a keyboard since I was 15 years old but I not played with him for more than 10 minutes since I bought
>I want to be capable to read more than one sentence of any book before I get lost in my train of through
>I want able to separate part of my time to write down all the stories that come out of my head
>I miss my 2018's morning walkings
>become less internet/Imageboard dependent
My Plan: Wake Up at 6am > take a shower (it is hot where I live) > a short walk to buy bread(40m) > eat breakfest > read something(20m) > some internet > lunch > play a little keyboard(20m) > more internet > try to write something(20m) > sleep at 22h
I going to start with 20 minutes with each one.
No matter what I will always come with a excuse to not finish my life no matter what situation am in.
Since I don't gonna die to my own hands, I hope to make the life I'm living a little more bearable and fulfilling.
ITT: Plans of action/Attempting Living with Sadness
There is something, even if it's vague, do you like to do?>I had a keyboard since I was 15 years old but I not played with him for more than 10 minutes since I bought
>I want to be capable to read more than one sentence of any book before I get lost in my train of through
>I want able to separate part of my time to write down all the stories that come out of my head
>I miss my 2018's morning walkings
>become less internet/Imageboard dependent
My Plan: Wake Up at 6am > take a shower (it is hot where I live) > a short walk to buy bread(40m) > eat breakfest > read something(20m) > some internet > lunch > play a little keyboard(20m) > more internet > try to write something(20m) > sleep at 22h
I going to start with 20 minutes with each one.
No matter what I will always come with a excuse to not finish my life no matter what situation am in.
Since I don't gonna die to my own hands, I hope to make the life I'm living a little more bearable and fulfilling.
R: 4 / I: 0
Lost my job a few months ago and and recently lost my neetbux due to gambling. For the second time after 24 hours. I don't even have enough money for booze.
Lost my job a few months ago and and recently lost my neetbux due to gambling. For the second time after 24 hours. I don't even have enough money for booze.
R: 56 / I: 7
Losers have no identity outside of our opinions, hence the obsession with perfecting them to reality
So our entire interest in truth is illegitimate, it was forced on us. This is the ultimate truth, the most relevant truth anyway.
Once I stopped denying this I legit went from a politics junky to extreme apathy and depression in less than a month
Politics=Loser in denial hobby?
Not just politics but anything intellectual or truth relatedLosers have no identity outside of our opinions, hence the obsession with perfecting them to reality
So our entire interest in truth is illegitimate, it was forced on us. This is the ultimate truth, the most relevant truth anyway.
Once I stopped denying this I legit went from a politics junky to extreme apathy and depression in less than a month
R: 28 / I: 1
Any know good techniques 4 "overthinking"?
Those who have had trouble living in the moment, what techniques, tips or remedies have you used to cope with the huge amount of overthinking and worrying?
R: 22 / I: 2
This whole time I thought people were trying to be friends with me when they laughed about how I looked. It only just hit me tonight that for the past two years while trying to play normal fag, I have forgot who I truly was. I am the outcast, loner, depressed and ugly person everyone is supposed to look at once then look away. I have put on this fake persona, smiling and laughing, trying to be personable to only realize that this whole time I forgot who I was up to that point. Now everything is coming back to me. I am starting to feel the way I felt two years ago before I left this site. I am starting to realize my place in this world again. I am truly the person normal fags look at and feel sorry for. I gave it a run but there’s nothing like knowing who you really are.
This whole time I thought people were trying to be friends with me when they laughed about how I looked. It only just hit me tonight that for the past two years while trying to play normal fag, I have forgot who I truly was. I am the outcast, loner, depressed and ugly person everyone is supposed to look at once then look away. I have put on this fake persona, smiling and laughing, trying to be personable to only realize that this whole time I forgot who I was up to that point. Now everything is coming back to me. I am starting to feel the way I felt two years ago before I left this site. I am starting to realize my place in this world again. I am truly the person normal fags look at and feel sorry for. I gave it a run but there’s nothing like knowing who you really are.
R: 14 / I: 0
Today she decided to complain about the puppy to me. Said that she cant get any sleep. So I told her that she obviously isn't qualified to even raise a dog properly and still managed to shit 3 humans from her cunt. Now she's threatening to kick me out of home. Lol
The Puppy Story
Two weeks ago my mother, without telling me, decided to get a puppy. "Quarantine puppy". That's the kind of stupidity I always expect from her. So during the first few days whenever the puppy cried she went and played with it, let it sleep in her bed, and stuff. Now as she started to get bored of it the puppy wont stop crying all day long when left alone. I don't care about the puppy, and I didn't say anything about it, or its noise. Though I did warn her to just let the puppy cry and not do anything about it that eventually it would stop, of course she ignored it.Today she decided to complain about the puppy to me. Said that she cant get any sleep. So I told her that she obviously isn't qualified to even raise a dog properly and still managed to shit 3 humans from her cunt. Now she's threatening to kick me out of home. Lol
R: 6 / I: 0
Wizards with ADD
Does anyone here have any experience with being diagnosed with ADD as an adult? Did it help you? How did you react to the medications?
R: 99 / I: 12
I was never good at anything. Period.
School was a nightmare to me and I'm not even talking about social dramas or bullying but because I sucked at every single subject you can think of. I still think from time to time how I managed to get a high school diploma. Maybe because some teachers there actually pitied me since I was just a quiet student that never bothered any classmate. My life hasn't progressed much since then. I'm still the same, almost mute person like I was 15 years ago.
I envy NEETs that are smart enough to have something they are good at, like drawing, video editing or 3d modelling and are even able to make some good cash out of that thanks to people commissioning them. I've been doing nothing but randomly browsing the internet for many years and nowadays I don't have enough energy to play videogames anymore. Normal people feel like super-humans to me.
Putting this text together was such a huge mental effort to me.
Sense of uselessness
Anyone else feels like not made to function?I was never good at anything. Period.
School was a nightmare to me and I'm not even talking about social dramas or bullying but because I sucked at every single subject you can think of. I still think from time to time how I managed to get a high school diploma. Maybe because some teachers there actually pitied me since I was just a quiet student that never bothered any classmate. My life hasn't progressed much since then. I'm still the same, almost mute person like I was 15 years ago.
I envy NEETs that are smart enough to have something they are good at, like drawing, video editing or 3d modelling and are even able to make some good cash out of that thanks to people commissioning them. I've been doing nothing but randomly browsing the internet for many years and nowadays I don't have enough energy to play videogames anymore. Normal people feel like super-humans to me.
Putting this text together was such a huge mental effort to me.
R: 11 / I: 1
Parents will constantly bitch and moan about how my brother and I still live at home, yet, when we were kids never support anything we were good at. I remember being around 8 and asking my dad if I could play little league and his response was "Im not driving your ass to practice." Anytime my brother and I would be committed to something whether it was art or playing video games, it was always deemed stupid by our parents. "Theyre hiding in their room doing their stupid [whatever we were interested in at the time]" Pair that with my moms OCD and we never had time to learn skills or get good at anything.
And, well, what does having zero skills get a twenty something?
Parents will constantly bitch and moan about how my brother and I still live at home, yet, when we were kids never support anything we were good at. I remember being around 8 and asking my dad if I could play little league and his response was "Im not driving your ass to practice." Anytime my brother and I would be committed to something whether it was art or playing video games, it was always deemed stupid by our parents. "Theyre hiding in their room doing their stupid [whatever we were interested in at the time]" Pair that with my moms OCD and we never had time to learn skills or get good at anything.
And, well, what does having zero skills get a twenty something?
R: 27 / I: 4
Let’s say I have a desktop computer that I really, really like. I have the games and all the files on it that I want. As time marches on, I’ll have to do repairs on the computer. A power cord might fray, a power supply might go out. A floppy drive will need to be cleaned up. A hard drive will slowly pick up bad sectors. At some point, the net present value of expected repairs exceeds the cost of a new computer. However, say I’m really attached to this thing, and I march on. Eventually, as components become more and more difficult to find, the cost of singular components become more than a brand new computer. And, at some point in age, maintaining a truly authentic, original computer to the one I like begins to exponentially increase in cost. Into the far future, the infrastructure supporting development of old motherboards in an age of quantum computing, would require me to develop an old-school chip processing fabrication shop just to maintain this old computer. At some point, and although that may be far, FAR into the future, the cost simply becomes too much to be justified.
If I perform the same actuarial analysis on the human body, there likewise appears to be an exponential degradation. For the vast majority of people between their 20s to 30s, medical procedures are relatively benign. But, as time marches on, eventually someone gets a bad knees. They stop exercising, the medical problems begin piling on, then they get a heart attack that sets back their mental function to that of an 8th grader for a few years, then they get cancer, and so on. There’s a similar exponential takeoff in cost to keeping our human bodies running.
One strategy is that you could save as much resources as possible, or move somewhere where medical procedures are much more plentiful and cheaper, but even then the same principle applies. There’s an ultimate limit on the available resources available to you, and medical problems grow at an accelerating rate as one ages(*), no matter where one lives or how incredibly fit a lifestyle you might have. In either case you will run out of resources to maintain simply living. Moreover, as you whittle down these last available resources, life will become exponentially more difficult to live through, stressful, and painful. As a wizard, I know I’m not going to have a family, but assume for the sake of argument that I did. Wouldn’t it make more sense for me to choose a second strategy where I preemptively ‘’’plan’’’ to die BEFORE the statistically inevitable exponential takeoff, so that way I could leave a LOT more resources to my kin than blowing through it all just to live a few more days or weeks at most? Given this exponential takeoff in resources to maintain living, doesn’t it logically make sense that ‘’everyone should plan to eventually commit suicide at some point’’?
There’s plenty to argue about in what I’ve written so far, but in the case that you are the few that is still reading, I also wanted to bounce some thoughts around about estimating ‘’when’’ would be the most ideal time to die. Obviously, you could simply go until you run dry, but given the exponential takeoff when most people seem to get cancer or a heart attack, wouldn’t it make more sense to go ‘’before’’ these incredibly painful moments that just make the rest of one’s life a depressing shitshow? Why not take the age where given your cohort effects you have a cumulative percent chance of getting cancer or a heart attack up to that point of >50%, and off yourself right then and there?
The main benefit is this: if you’re able to plan ahead and save for it, you get to live a significantly larger portion of your worry-free and completely healthy life in luxury. In other words, say I save money until I’m 65, and then I retire. I have the end of my life with an incredibly feeble body that given the life expectancy of the U.S., I would maybe have 13 years, but more significantly is the fact that I don’t know how much longer my funds are really supposed to last me, or really have a good idea of what my costs through retirement were going to be, and especially how the hell do I save when I know that my medical costs are going to increase exponentially as I age. Now, if I ‘’plan’’ to die, when, just to choose a number, say 60. Then I can work backwards to figure out how much I need to maximize the amount I can live in complete comfort without the risk of some event completely bankrupting me (and if such an event does happen, then I know that I’m one of the statistically unlucky that has a higher rate on my exponential curve and can morbidly adjust my date accordingly), which also means that I don’t have to save enough to live off of interest either. I can save enough with the further expectation that I will burn through those savings as well, which means I can ‘retire’ earlier.
Finally, there’s the added bonus that—you know—I don’t die incredibly painfully from pancreatic cancer or an unexpected heart attack as my brain slowly chokes to death for hours while I wreath on the floor for hours. I can leave honorably and peacefully and on my own terms with plenty of time to create a whole “I’ve lived through my allotted time” kind of eschatology.
(*) P.S. I would like to find better data on this. So far, everything I’ve found lumps everyone older than 65 together. Just looking at 10 to 65, there seems to be an exponential curve fit, but it’d be nice to see if it really continues. At some point, I would expect it to stop, not because costs don’t keep going exponential, but because people simply run out of funds and you’re left with only the super-rich able to afford living with 37 cancer treatments in a hospital suite under a ventilator the week before they ultimately die.
When should you go?
I know there’s already a suicide thread, but this is more of a philosophical thread. I don’t want to ask, “How should you kill yourself?” or “Should you kill yourself?” but rather, “When should one kill oneself?” or really more of a “Shouldn’t EVERYONE consider eventually committing suicide?” And I also wanted to bounce these thoughts around because it’s not exactly like you can have a straightforward conversation with your mom about suicide.Let’s say I have a desktop computer that I really, really like. I have the games and all the files on it that I want. As time marches on, I’ll have to do repairs on the computer. A power cord might fray, a power supply might go out. A floppy drive will need to be cleaned up. A hard drive will slowly pick up bad sectors. At some point, the net present value of expected repairs exceeds the cost of a new computer. However, say I’m really attached to this thing, and I march on. Eventually, as components become more and more difficult to find, the cost of singular components become more than a brand new computer. And, at some point in age, maintaining a truly authentic, original computer to the one I like begins to exponentially increase in cost. Into the far future, the infrastructure supporting development of old motherboards in an age of quantum computing, would require me to develop an old-school chip processing fabrication shop just to maintain this old computer. At some point, and although that may be far, FAR into the future, the cost simply becomes too much to be justified.
If I perform the same actuarial analysis on the human body, there likewise appears to be an exponential degradation. For the vast majority of people between their 20s to 30s, medical procedures are relatively benign. But, as time marches on, eventually someone gets a bad knees. They stop exercising, the medical problems begin piling on, then they get a heart attack that sets back their mental function to that of an 8th grader for a few years, then they get cancer, and so on. There’s a similar exponential takeoff in cost to keeping our human bodies running.
One strategy is that you could save as much resources as possible, or move somewhere where medical procedures are much more plentiful and cheaper, but even then the same principle applies. There’s an ultimate limit on the available resources available to you, and medical problems grow at an accelerating rate as one ages(*), no matter where one lives or how incredibly fit a lifestyle you might have. In either case you will run out of resources to maintain simply living. Moreover, as you whittle down these last available resources, life will become exponentially more difficult to live through, stressful, and painful. As a wizard, I know I’m not going to have a family, but assume for the sake of argument that I did. Wouldn’t it make more sense for me to choose a second strategy where I preemptively ‘’’plan’’’ to die BEFORE the statistically inevitable exponential takeoff, so that way I could leave a LOT more resources to my kin than blowing through it all just to live a few more days or weeks at most? Given this exponential takeoff in resources to maintain living, doesn’t it logically make sense that ‘’everyone should plan to eventually commit suicide at some point’’?
There’s plenty to argue about in what I’ve written so far, but in the case that you are the few that is still reading, I also wanted to bounce some thoughts around about estimating ‘’when’’ would be the most ideal time to die. Obviously, you could simply go until you run dry, but given the exponential takeoff when most people seem to get cancer or a heart attack, wouldn’t it make more sense to go ‘’before’’ these incredibly painful moments that just make the rest of one’s life a depressing shitshow? Why not take the age where given your cohort effects you have a cumulative percent chance of getting cancer or a heart attack up to that point of >50%, and off yourself right then and there?
The main benefit is this: if you’re able to plan ahead and save for it, you get to live a significantly larger portion of your worry-free and completely healthy life in luxury. In other words, say I save money until I’m 65, and then I retire. I have the end of my life with an incredibly feeble body that given the life expectancy of the U.S., I would maybe have 13 years, but more significantly is the fact that I don’t know how much longer my funds are really supposed to last me, or really have a good idea of what my costs through retirement were going to be, and especially how the hell do I save when I know that my medical costs are going to increase exponentially as I age. Now, if I ‘’plan’’ to die, when, just to choose a number, say 60. Then I can work backwards to figure out how much I need to maximize the amount I can live in complete comfort without the risk of some event completely bankrupting me (and if such an event does happen, then I know that I’m one of the statistically unlucky that has a higher rate on my exponential curve and can morbidly adjust my date accordingly), which also means that I don’t have to save enough to live off of interest either. I can save enough with the further expectation that I will burn through those savings as well, which means I can ‘retire’ earlier.
Finally, there’s the added bonus that—you know—I don’t die incredibly painfully from pancreatic cancer or an unexpected heart attack as my brain slowly chokes to death for hours while I wreath on the floor for hours. I can leave honorably and peacefully and on my own terms with plenty of time to create a whole “I’ve lived through my allotted time” kind of eschatology.
(*) P.S. I would like to find better data on this. So far, everything I’ve found lumps everyone older than 65 together. Just looking at 10 to 65, there seems to be an exponential curve fit, but it’d be nice to see if it really continues. At some point, I would expect it to stop, not because costs don’t keep going exponential, but because people simply run out of funds and you’re left with only the super-rich able to afford living with 37 cancer treatments in a hospital suite under a ventilator the week before they ultimately die.
R: 13 / I: 0
Does anyone have a epub or azw3 of this ?
I remember it was requested here a long time ago and a kind person ocr-ed but I have no idea how to find it.
Does anyone have a epub or azw3 of this ?
I remember it was requested here a long time ago and a kind person ocr-ed but I have no idea how to find it.
R: 103 / I: 90
dep reaction images
Post your most relatable depression reaction pictures. I have a folder of these and looking at them, recognizing myself in them makes me feel better. As if someone out there shares my thoughts and feelings, even though the pictures are mostly cartoons and animals. It's an illusion, but somehow it helps.
R: 21 / I: 0
But does anyone else have "get it over with" attitude when it comes to media? any time I read, watch, or play something I just wanna finish it as quick as possible. it's like I get more satisfaction in saying "i finished this" rather than actually doing it. I can't even play games like persona because of how long they are and I get happy when I find out a game or movie I want to get into is short even altho I'm barely depressed anymore and for some reason my mind thinks getting into a show is more work than a youtube video
Short attention span? regarding consuming media
I'm not sure if it's due to Anhedonia or ADHDBut does anyone else have "get it over with" attitude when it comes to media? any time I read, watch, or play something I just wanna finish it as quick as possible. it's like I get more satisfaction in saying "i finished this" rather than actually doing it. I can't even play games like persona because of how long they are and I get happy when I find out a game or movie I want to get into is short even altho I'm barely depressed anymore and for some reason my mind thinks getting into a show is more work than a youtube video
R: 135 / I: 11
What's it like to be a wizard without any hobbies or interests? (Or at least interests and hobbies that USED to be associated with wizards?)
I've been slowly shedding my old hobbies and interests as they became mainstream (even degenerate otaku porn fetishes have this slowly increasing normalcy) and now I'm down to a couple things I still enjoy a little.
Any wizards who actually live without any real hobbies? I know I'm asking for a lot but I'd like responses from actual wizards or people close to wizardhood like the latter half of your 20s.
Inventory is empty
Reading the end of the wizards thread I wondered:What's it like to be a wizard without any hobbies or interests? (Or at least interests and hobbies that USED to be associated with wizards?)
I've been slowly shedding my old hobbies and interests as they became mainstream (even degenerate otaku porn fetishes have this slowly increasing normalcy) and now I'm down to a couple things I still enjoy a little.
Any wizards who actually live without any real hobbies? I know I'm asking for a lot but I'd like responses from actual wizards or people close to wizardhood like the latter half of your 20s.
R: 9 / I: 0
How resist? Every day is a damn hell, I feel like I can't take this life anymore. I have been living practically locked up for no purpose in life but surviving for several years, every time I have tried to improve my life I hit the wall and time progresses in the blink of an eye, I feel like I am drowning in my own mediocrity and I hate myself too much.
I have afraid, I don't want to grow old and realize how I spent my whole life doing nothing all because of my damn anxiety and inability to live in this society.
How are the most experienced wizards able to live a similar life without blowing their damn head? (I admire these guys) each day is so frustrating and repetitive over and over, that when I least feel it I am crying non-stop, I can't stop crying.
Sorry for mi english.
How resist? Every day is a damn hell, I feel like I can't take this life anymore. I have been living practically locked up for no purpose in life but surviving for several years, every time I have tried to improve my life I hit the wall and time progresses in the blink of an eye, I feel like I am drowning in my own mediocrity and I hate myself too much.
I have afraid, I don't want to grow old and realize how I spent my whole life doing nothing all because of my damn anxiety and inability to live in this society.
How are the most experienced wizards able to live a similar life without blowing their damn head? (I admire these guys) each day is so frustrating and repetitive over and over, that when I least feel it I am crying non-stop, I can't stop crying.
Sorry for mi english.
R: 40 / I: 3
I need help healing whatever is going on inside of me that is making me have these thoughts:
- I have fantasies (not anything that would ever be manifested in reality) about people I am in disharmony with meeting an untimely death. Even by a hitman's hand.
- I feel extremely happy and relieved when terrible things happen to people that are too successful and not helping me, especially when I feel like they are a part of my peer group or network even in a very extended way
- I want to shame and defame or see it brought upon people who I am either envious or jealous of, and take pleasure in their downfall
- When good things happen to people, I sometimes become very angry and wish for them to fall from grace
- I lie to people or twist the truth so they think more highly of me
- I lie about others to make them seem lesser and myself greater
- When I feel that someone has betrayed me I want bad things to happen to them, I do not want them to succeed, I want to see them suffer
What do I do? It's poisoning me to keep noticing these thoughts and have them eat away at my better nature!
how to be a good human please
Hi Team,I need help healing whatever is going on inside of me that is making me have these thoughts:
- I have fantasies (not anything that would ever be manifested in reality) about people I am in disharmony with meeting an untimely death. Even by a hitman's hand.
- I feel extremely happy and relieved when terrible things happen to people that are too successful and not helping me, especially when I feel like they are a part of my peer group or network even in a very extended way
- I want to shame and defame or see it brought upon people who I am either envious or jealous of, and take pleasure in their downfall
- When good things happen to people, I sometimes become very angry and wish for them to fall from grace
- I lie to people or twist the truth so they think more highly of me
- I lie about others to make them seem lesser and myself greater
- When I feel that someone has betrayed me I want bad things to happen to them, I do not want them to succeed, I want to see them suffer
What do I do? It's poisoning me to keep noticing these thoughts and have them eat away at my better nature!
R: 10 / I: 1
I've become such a dead corps mentally from overthinking how am i going to survive after my parents die…
dying alone on streets…
sorry for the side note, lookism theory, blackpills and being aware of my surroundings destroyed me to the bone.
dying alone
any fellow wizards seriously thought about their life and found out that their Destiny is to die alone, too?I've become such a dead corps mentally from overthinking how am i going to survive after my parents die…
dying alone on streets…
sorry for the side note, lookism theory, blackpills and being aware of my surroundings destroyed me to the bone.
R: 305 / I: 67
Depression Crawl Thread XXVII
Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread. R: 71 / I: 5
I've just realized, this goes deeper than a shitty childhood and just being socially awkward.
I was born preterm, at 7 months instead of 9. My mom could no longer bare children or some shit like that. Mom had me at 30, dad was 31. Mom was very visibly mentally disturbed, enough for me as a kid to realize she was pulling her hair, smashing her head against the wall and that this was far from being normal. Ever since I was born, I was a sick child.
I don't even have to give you further details of my childhood. My point is, there was never a choice for me. I was designed before I even was born.
Wiz childhood
How was your childhood like? How was your birth? How was the health of your parents? At what point you "realized" you were no longer a kid and society had expectations of you?I've just realized, this goes deeper than a shitty childhood and just being socially awkward.
I was born preterm, at 7 months instead of 9. My mom could no longer bare children or some shit like that. Mom had me at 30, dad was 31. Mom was very visibly mentally disturbed, enough for me as a kid to realize she was pulling her hair, smashing her head against the wall and that this was far from being normal. Ever since I was born, I was a sick child.
I don't even have to give you further details of my childhood. My point is, there was never a choice for me. I was designed before I even was born.
R: 11 / I: 3
Is this anhedonia or enlightenment?
I was really into things (music, politics, religion, hobbies), I've always thought there's no meaning in life, it's what you give it. Recently, that's been hitting very hard and I don't want to engage in anything. Nothing seems real so what's the point? You can argue for any political position or justify following some religion but none of them are correct. I don't even want to do my hobbies as much anymore since they just seem like mindless movements or the products of them (an origami bird or a drawing) have no purpose so why should they exist.
Is this anhedonia or enlightenment?
I was really into things (music, politics, religion, hobbies), I've always thought there's no meaning in life, it's what you give it. Recently, that's been hitting very hard and I don't want to engage in anything. Nothing seems real so what's the point? You can argue for any political position or justify following some religion but none of them are correct. I don't even want to do my hobbies as much anymore since they just seem like mindless movements or the products of them (an origami bird or a drawing) have no purpose so why should they exist.
R: 69 / I: 8
I feel paralyzed by my own autistic fragility and sense of cluelessness about how to engage with other people, which has only deepened and grown worse with time. I feel desperate for something to call my own, but I lack the sort of innate compass, internal strength or energy to just even put myself out there and engage with others. I also just have no idea of where to go. I sit here each day and I don't have the slightest fucking idea of where to go. I'm so damn out of it that I haven't the faintest idea of where I could even go just try to get to know and befriend other people. Even if I knew, I'd feel overwhelmed being in a chatroom or even just accepting another person's friend request. Let's say I do. Then what would we do? Talk? Talk about what and for how often? Would we share life stories, or just blab about surface level stuff? Would we do other things together, or would we just message each other until the person bailed out of disinterest? All of these things, I just don't know what to do. It's all like trying to learn a foreign language to me, yet my body screams at me each day for some kind of meaningful human engagement. I feel like I could maybe get by if I could just feel comfortable, free and irreverent to the bullshit of others while online and just say whatever I want whenever I want, but I can't even do that. Mostly because I lack the energy for such things and also because I'm too much of a pansy to regularly speak my mind without concern of reprisal from others.
Just what the fuck is someone like me supposed to do when I've never been able to even actualize myself while online? How the fuck can other people do what they do in this sense, whether they're normal or abnormal? I just don't get it. The internet has never been my sanctuary and, in a lot of ways, I've felt just as lost and vulnerable while using it as when I've had to navigate the real world, which I actually haven't done for over a decade now. I've never understood why I'm so self-conscious, hesitant and even anxious online, versus others where these sorts of things don't apply to them, except maybe for in real life, and they're so relaxed online that they'd even post about the swollen boils on their ass just for something to do and would either relish or be indifferent to whatever the reaction is. It doesn't really feel fair that this is the case for me. Not at all, since in the end I was denied both the real world and even the online world as well. I've always had nothing and to this day I've been left with nothing. Shit.
I have to wonder just how many other people, wizards or not, who are as fucked as I am in this sense. I know there are plenty of people here and elsewhere who are the exact opposite to me and in the likely event you happen to be one of them, well, good for fucking you. Be grateful you're not like me, I guess. As bad as life might have been to you in other areas, at least you managed to feel free and easy while online. Where I'm at, being weak of mind and spirit to this kind of extent where you can't even feel comfortable online or have any energy to engage, is honestly the ultimate curse of all.
I've never been able to enjoy the internet
I've been using the internet for close to 2 decades now and for me there's never been a moment where I've actually enjoyed and felt comfortable online. I've never made any friends, never been apart of any communities, (unless you count this one, but it hardly amounts to much for me), and I've never had any good times using it whatsoever. Even from a non-social angle, the internet has never been anything special to me. I have to say that I honestly feel like I'm a complete universe apart from anyone who can actually recall times of enjoying the internet or those who can even just regularly speak their minds online without fear or hesitation. For me, I've never known or been capable of either of those things. It's a combination of being too incapable of handling hostility, being too reluctant to feel at home anywhere, and being too out of touch and tired to know what to say people. For the last couple years now it's gotten really frustrating not having anything I can enjoy or find solace in online. No welcoming chatrooms, no internet buddies, and no stomach or desire for just shitposting at random either.I feel paralyzed by my own autistic fragility and sense of cluelessness about how to engage with other people, which has only deepened and grown worse with time. I feel desperate for something to call my own, but I lack the sort of innate compass, internal strength or energy to just even put myself out there and engage with others. I also just have no idea of where to go. I sit here each day and I don't have the slightest fucking idea of where to go. I'm so damn out of it that I haven't the faintest idea of where I could even go just try to get to know and befriend other people. Even if I knew, I'd feel overwhelmed being in a chatroom or even just accepting another person's friend request. Let's say I do. Then what would we do? Talk? Talk about what and for how often? Would we share life stories, or just blab about surface level stuff? Would we do other things together, or would we just message each other until the person bailed out of disinterest? All of these things, I just don't know what to do. It's all like trying to learn a foreign language to me, yet my body screams at me each day for some kind of meaningful human engagement. I feel like I could maybe get by if I could just feel comfortable, free and irreverent to the bullshit of others while online and just say whatever I want whenever I want, but I can't even do that. Mostly because I lack the energy for such things and also because I'm too much of a pansy to regularly speak my mind without concern of reprisal from others.
Just what the fuck is someone like me supposed to do when I've never been able to even actualize myself while online? How the fuck can other people do what they do in this sense, whether they're normal or abnormal? I just don't get it. The internet has never been my sanctuary and, in a lot of ways, I've felt just as lost and vulnerable while using it as when I've had to navigate the real world, which I actually haven't done for over a decade now. I've never understood why I'm so self-conscious, hesitant and even anxious online, versus others where these sorts of things don't apply to them, except maybe for in real life, and they're so relaxed online that they'd even post about the swollen boils on their ass just for something to do and would either relish or be indifferent to whatever the reaction is. It doesn't really feel fair that this is the case for me. Not at all, since in the end I was denied both the real world and even the online world as well. I've always had nothing and to this day I've been left with nothing. Shit.
I have to wonder just how many other people, wizards or not, who are as fucked as I am in this sense. I know there are plenty of people here and elsewhere who are the exact opposite to me and in the likely event you happen to be one of them, well, good for fucking you. Be grateful you're not like me, I guess. As bad as life might have been to you in other areas, at least you managed to feel free and easy while online. Where I'm at, being weak of mind and spirit to this kind of extent where you can't even feel comfortable online or have any energy to engage, is honestly the ultimate curse of all.
R: 19 / I: 0
fired
I am probably going to be fired tomorrow. Boss scheduled a "serious meeting", told me to leave the building, and cancelled my password. Obviously I don't have any references so chance of finding a new job is zero. Do I just lie, pretend I'm still working?
R: 86 / I: 12
I've tried dozens of psychiatric medications and therapy techniques. I also tried a bunch of "alternative" treatments (such as acupuncture, sound baths, float tanks, TCM, CST, reiki, ayahuasca, microdosing, etc). None of them worked in the long run.
I got a referral to a specialist earlier this week. I hope something good comes out of it.
Treatment Resistant Depression
Any wizards getting ECT, TMS, or Spravato?I've tried dozens of psychiatric medications and therapy techniques. I also tried a bunch of "alternative" treatments (such as acupuncture, sound baths, float tanks, TCM, CST, reiki, ayahuasca, microdosing, etc). None of them worked in the long run.
I got a referral to a specialist earlier this week. I hope something good comes out of it.
R: 42 / I: 2
"you can do anything you set your mind to"
"don't compare yourself to others"
"things will be better when you're older"
"einstein was initially bad at math"(lie)
"you're just a teenager; you will thank me when you're older and happy"
I'm 29 now and hopeless. I hate my parents so much for all the bullshit platitudes and being shit in general.
Copes your parents gave you growing up
"you're so young""you can do anything you set your mind to"
"don't compare yourself to others"
"things will be better when you're older"
"einstein was initially bad at math"(lie)
"you're just a teenager; you will thank me when you're older and happy"
I'm 29 now and hopeless. I hate my parents so much for all the bullshit platitudes and being shit in general.
R: 47 / I: 3
> generic learn to code(really tedious and mindbusting if you don't like it interviews suck)
> learn a trade(have to get an apprenticeship)
>make an etsy store and sell home made crafts(oversaturated)
god I hate advicegroids
Meme suggestions for neets
>learn data science(involves math/professional bs)> generic learn to code(really tedious and mindbusting if you don't like it interviews suck)
> learn a trade(have to get an apprenticeship)
>make an etsy store and sell home made crafts(oversaturated)
god I hate advicegroids
R: 118 / I: 11
I know this isn't actually true but it seems so easy for others while for me everything is extremely difficult,this is just hell,forget about christian hell and flames,this is far worse than any religious punishment,being a retard while everyone around you is a demi-god.
Everyone else looks like some kind of super human to me
Does anyone feels like you're a massive retard while everyone else issome kind of genius super human? I always felt like the slowest guy around,while everyone else seems to master anything they want extremely fast for me it takes some herculean effort just to keep it at the beginner state,I'm trying to learn Java programming using some online course and while for me it takes a lot of effort to make a shitty program that uses very basic classes and objects others brag about doing very complex and polished software in what seems to be 4 key presses that take half an hour,same with learning japanese,I've been learning this shit for 4 months and I can barely read anything while for others it takes 2 weeks and some anki flashcards to read entire books.I know this isn't actually true but it seems so easy for others while for me everything is extremely difficult,this is just hell,forget about christian hell and flames,this is far worse than any religious punishment,being a retard while everyone around you is a demi-god.
R: 95 / I: 12
Do you resent your parents for giving birth to you? It feels awful being forced to live with such shit-tier genes simply as a way to save a dying marriage.
Do you resent your parents for giving birth to you? It feels awful being forced to live with such shit-tier genes simply as a way to save a dying marriage.
R: 33 / I: 1
anons, I can't blv it, I was so down lately, so I just took 200$ from my bank and went to some casino, I had plans of jumping from some building after but life had diff plans for me, no friends, no family, no job but this was nice.
anons, I can't blv it, I was so down lately, so I just took 200$ from my bank and went to some casino, I had plans of jumping from some building after but life had diff plans for me, no friends, no family, no job but this was nice.
R: 81 / I: 16
Junk food
Is anyone else in love with fast/junk food? I don't overeat as in I limit calorie consumption on the days I have it, but I'm always craving it and wanting more. In-N-Out, Chik Fil A, and some local places are my favorite. I never tried the Popeye's Chicken sandwich since it's not really in walking distance.
R: 15 / I: 0
Itchy skin
My body never ceases to itch and I think it may be related to my anxiety. Anyone else experience this?
R: 15 / I: 1
So if I daydream a lot about having company, I truly desire company even if I reject that. If I daydream about superpowers I want power; the list goes on. After realizing what I consciously and unconsciously desire, I can then question myself, why do I want these things deep down? Then I can give up on clinging to those things. Then I'm a little bit closer to unconditional peace.
What are your thoughts?
Daydreaming and dreaming
What do you daydream or dream about? After years of introspection, I've only recently realized dreams, daydreaming and delusions are a reflection of what I consciously and unconsciously desire.So if I daydream a lot about having company, I truly desire company even if I reject that. If I daydream about superpowers I want power; the list goes on. After realizing what I consciously and unconsciously desire, I can then question myself, why do I want these things deep down? Then I can give up on clinging to those things. Then I'm a little bit closer to unconditional peace.
What are your thoughts?
R: 28 / I: 3
I wouldn't desire this kind of life to my worst enemy,no one deserves to live like this.
I have a massive inferiority complex
Everywhere I go I feel like the most sad and pathetic guy around,it's been like that for my whole life,when I was a kid I saw my classmates and family achieving things and having success,but I didn't achieved anything,they were having fun and enjoying life while I couldn't,then at school everyone was richer,more handsome and much more mentally sane than me,I was always the poor one,the ugly one,the autist,all my life filled with envy and anxiety,desiring what others have but I can't,even in places that are supposedly designed for people like me like wizchan I feel inferior to everyone else,other wizards seem to have hobbies,money (from NEETbux or stocks or whatever) good things going in their lives,while I have nothing of that,everywhere I go I see people who are far more fortunate than I will ever be,this is hell,I was born in a christian family and people were always trying to convince me that hell was a horrible place full of suffering but you know what? This life is far worse than any christian hell,A life where you are denied of everything that you enjoy,everything that makes you human while you see literally everyone around you having the time of their lives,if this isn't the most fucked up torture ever designed then I don't know what this is.I wouldn't desire this kind of life to my worst enemy,no one deserves to live like this.
R: 85 / I: 14
What did you want to be when you were a child?
I wanted to be a lawyer, wear a fancy suit everyday. Probably not going to happen at 34 years old.
What did you want to be when you were a child?
I wanted to be a lawyer, wear a fancy suit everyday. Probably not going to happen at 34 years old.
R: 7 / I: 6
And here I am. "It was just a dream, I haven't relapsed back". Then I remember why I'm clean, I got scared last time I ODed. I don't want any change or improvement, I don't care about that shit, I'm just scared of taking another dose. I don't care about dying from OD, I will die someday; the OD itself is very painful, it's like being waterboarded for hours non-stop. And you're still alive, "I made it alive", but you can't get that overdose from your head. And it happens again, and again, and again.
I don't even know what to say or ask, only I can help myself and I'm not even willing to commit to that long term because I just want to die but I'm too scared of death itself. I got a strong survival instinct, if I pass out I just get into recovery position automatically. I fucking hate this, I feel genuine love to substances, the only thing I truly love. And this only brings harms and death. And I don't mind about that, but I can't avoid being scared as fuck. I can't even sleep because I hate dreaming. Can't even cry, I was about to shed some tears and I just told myself "you're not a pussy, why should you cry like the last hundred times?".
Doom and despair
Been feeling bad lately. I've been feeling great like never before for more than 20 days straight. And I had a nightmare, and I can't snap out of it and here I am back to normal. Dreams are important to me, I have vivid dreams every night, they're a big source of introspection. Last night I dreamed I was back in school, drugged and wasted out of my mind. And I left my classroom to look for some liquor, and someone approached me telling me I was kicked and that I was betraying myself for relapsing. And I got mad and screamed "you don't know me, you have no right to tell me anything, you don't know how it feels". I got so mad that shit woke me up.And here I am. "It was just a dream, I haven't relapsed back". Then I remember why I'm clean, I got scared last time I ODed. I don't want any change or improvement, I don't care about that shit, I'm just scared of taking another dose. I don't care about dying from OD, I will die someday; the OD itself is very painful, it's like being waterboarded for hours non-stop. And you're still alive, "I made it alive", but you can't get that overdose from your head. And it happens again, and again, and again.
I don't even know what to say or ask, only I can help myself and I'm not even willing to commit to that long term because I just want to die but I'm too scared of death itself. I got a strong survival instinct, if I pass out I just get into recovery position automatically. I fucking hate this, I feel genuine love to substances, the only thing I truly love. And this only brings harms and death. And I don't mind about that, but I can't avoid being scared as fuck. I can't even sleep because I hate dreaming. Can't even cry, I was about to shed some tears and I just told myself "you're not a pussy, why should you cry like the last hundred times?".
R: 59 / I: 4
I hate my country
I fucking hate my country. I hate myself. I am born in a third world country like India, it's an absolute shithole. I am from a poor family too which makes it harder for opportunities. My NEETdom has been killing me and all my interviews went in vain. I fucking can't take it anymore, Covid 19 has made it even worse.
R: 302 / I: 43
Previous thread:
>>215457
Suicide General
The last suicide general has hit the bump limit.Previous thread:
>>215457
R: 0 / I: 0
Does anyone here have mood swings and take medication for that?
I was feeling incredible great the last two weeks after almost dying because of reasons, I'm back to severe depression. I was like "how could this be happening if everything is going alright". Then I just remember doctors have been telling me I have mood swings and that I should take a mood stabilizer for that.
At this point I can't tell if I have something or if it's the life long substance abuse that has fucked me up. Most doctors want me on anti-psychotics that work as mood stabilizers (quetiapine, olanzapine). I've taken them for a month at most but I felt horrible because of side effects. Also doctors tell me I shouldn't even take something like lithium because it's toxic and I'm a fiend that doesn't comply with treatment.
I'm 26 and only recently I've been putting real effort on my health. Like, I will always have depression, but should I really be more depressed than I should? So if I'm depressed I do things that I enjoy, even if I don't want to do them. I eventually feel better. I could be ruminating on all that could had been and all that won't be, but that will only make me feel worse.
Does anyone here have mood swings and take medication for that?
I was feeling incredible great the last two weeks after almost dying because of reasons, I'm back to severe depression. I was like "how could this be happening if everything is going alright". Then I just remember doctors have been telling me I have mood swings and that I should take a mood stabilizer for that.
At this point I can't tell if I have something or if it's the life long substance abuse that has fucked me up. Most doctors want me on anti-psychotics that work as mood stabilizers (quetiapine, olanzapine). I've taken them for a month at most but I felt horrible because of side effects. Also doctors tell me I shouldn't even take something like lithium because it's toxic and I'm a fiend that doesn't comply with treatment.
I'm 26 and only recently I've been putting real effort on my health. Like, I will always have depression, but should I really be more depressed than I should? So if I'm depressed I do things that I enjoy, even if I don't want to do them. I eventually feel better. I could be ruminating on all that could had been and all that won't be, but that will only make me feel worse.
R: 4 / I: 0
Going to escape my psych ward then kill myself. It’s really risky and I hope I’m able to outrun security
Going to escape my psych ward then kill myself. It’s really risky and I hope I’m able to outrun security
R: 13 / I: 1
i will have to spend an hour a day commuting
just end me. signed up for classes next semester at the local uni and didnt wanna room with groidnorms. will waste away my prime years sitting in a hot car to get a piece of paper. well its not much better than wasting away on the boards but still
R: 31 / I: 4
The last song
If you were to kill yourself within the next few minutes (by any method), which would be the last song you would listen to?
R: 15 / I: 0
I got scammed
I got scammed by 80 Usd on a video game and I've made 10+ terror threats to paypal, certain ethnic communities and general places. Do I handle stress and loss well?
R: 73 / I: 3
Have you ever stopped for a second and considered that you are mentally ill? Maybe not schizophrenic-tier, but still ill.
What if you treated your illness as an illness, took your meds, took the reins of your own health within your capabilities. Maybe you need a little help from family, maybe you don't, that's irrelevant.
Wouldn't you become a more stable wizard? Wouldn't you be free to pursue whatever you want, minimizing the effects that mentall illness has on you? Am I wrong for thinking this way? I'm not implying "self improvement", I'm asking you, wouldn't your life be more fulfilling if you recognize you're ill and take care of your own illness?
Feel free to replace "you" with "I".
Have you ever stopped for a second and considered that you are mentally ill? Maybe not schizophrenic-tier, but still ill.
What if you treated your illness as an illness, took your meds, took the reins of your own health within your capabilities. Maybe you need a little help from family, maybe you don't, that's irrelevant.
Wouldn't you become a more stable wizard? Wouldn't you be free to pursue whatever you want, minimizing the effects that mentall illness has on you? Am I wrong for thinking this way? I'm not implying "self improvement", I'm asking you, wouldn't your life be more fulfilling if you recognize you're ill and take care of your own illness?
Feel free to replace "you" with "I".
R: 3 / I: 0
I've been clean for a week. Haven't been sober and clear for a week in years. Before this attempt I've had multiple attempts that only lasted 4-5 days at most. I'm way past seizures, fever, WDs and all that shit. Stopped taking my benzo and have had no seizures.
I'm feeling pleased. I feel contented with what I have, I don't want more. I could lose everything I had and I wouldn't care. I'll die some day, I'm likely to get skin cancer from existing skin disease but I don't care. I am set on living the moment. I don't even care about sorrow or happiness, I'm past that. Peace is desired, and peace is within me. There's no reason right now to not be at peace with myself and the external world.
There are still many languages to learn, many poems to be written, many songs to hear and compose, many instruments to learn how to play, many books and comics and mango to be read, many stars to enjoy while stargazing.
Just wanted to share that, might help a fellow wizard.
I've been clean for a week. Haven't been sober and clear for a week in years. Before this attempt I've had multiple attempts that only lasted 4-5 days at most. I'm way past seizures, fever, WDs and all that shit. Stopped taking my benzo and have had no seizures.
I'm feeling pleased. I feel contented with what I have, I don't want more. I could lose everything I had and I wouldn't care. I'll die some day, I'm likely to get skin cancer from existing skin disease but I don't care. I am set on living the moment. I don't even care about sorrow or happiness, I'm past that. Peace is desired, and peace is within me. There's no reason right now to not be at peace with myself and the external world.
There are still many languages to learn, many poems to be written, many songs to hear and compose, many instruments to learn how to play, many books and comics and mango to be read, many stars to enjoy while stargazing.
Just wanted to share that, might help a fellow wizard.
R: 1 / I: 0
I'm fairly young and even i cant stand this hell,cage of the species.Cant even wait for one day.I've waited for so long.
I was meant to be beautiful,epitome of the elegance.Meant to copulate endlessly with Lilith and swim across the Eden in Harmonia.Meant to lose myself in the brave new world.
But for reasons long-forgotten everything was taken away from me.My peace,my freedom,my sleep,my sin,my innocence.I fell into the world,so called existence.Again i tell you,consciousnees maimed everything that was good created by our primordial mater.Byproduct of a self-replicating molecule,a pestilence cast upon Israel.Feelgood-machines pillaged,raped,maimed,tortured,vilified,annihilated and turned the haven for broken souls into this wasteland.Wanting got them in the end.But that they didnt stop them to replicate.After three billion years of endless war,countless tragedies Son of Man found himself in the state of cosmic horror.He laughed,he taughted us to laugh.He was spitting upon roman wardogs,he was hopelessly waiting for the end.He prayed for the destruction of the babel and cleansing of this Earth.He hoped for evanescence of all the atrocities committed under the sun.In the end,that leper perished similar to the fate of yours and I.Golgotha was our climax of our sadomasochism.And he was forgotten,never to seen again.
Now,here i am stained by this wretched existence,purifying myself with pure hatred and promise of holy vengeance.Here i am,escaping this chamber of mediocrity by opening my world.
Unspook thyself,enjoy yourself in this world with no future.Best time for misanthropes,indeed.
Misomania
I am a sick man.I am a spiteful,unattractive man.I tried frens,heaven knows i fucking tried;struggled to escape this suffocating void,this zoo,this so called reality.I can't.I'm fairly young and even i cant stand this hell,cage of the species.Cant even wait for one day.I've waited for so long.
I was meant to be beautiful,epitome of the elegance.Meant to copulate endlessly with Lilith and swim across the Eden in Harmonia.Meant to lose myself in the brave new world.
But for reasons long-forgotten everything was taken away from me.My peace,my freedom,my sleep,my sin,my innocence.I fell into the world,so called existence.Again i tell you,consciousnees maimed everything that was good created by our primordial mater.Byproduct of a self-replicating molecule,a pestilence cast upon Israel.Feelgood-machines pillaged,raped,maimed,tortured,vilified,annihilated and turned the haven for broken souls into this wasteland.Wanting got them in the end.But that they didnt stop them to replicate.After three billion years of endless war,countless tragedies Son of Man found himself in the state of cosmic horror.He laughed,he taughted us to laugh.He was spitting upon roman wardogs,he was hopelessly waiting for the end.He prayed for the destruction of the babel and cleansing of this Earth.He hoped for evanescence of all the atrocities committed under the sun.In the end,that leper perished similar to the fate of yours and I.Golgotha was our climax of our sadomasochism.And he was forgotten,never to seen again.
Now,here i am stained by this wretched existence,purifying myself with pure hatred and promise of holy vengeance.Here i am,escaping this chamber of mediocrity by opening my world.
Unspook thyself,enjoy yourself in this world with no future.Best time for misanthropes,indeed.
R: 6 / I: 0
Growing up I had a very negative childhood consisted of bullying and humiliation which traumatized me and gave lots of complicated mental health issues, such as (anxiety disorder, panic disorder, depression, and agoraphobia)
I did well in elementary and middle school, despite being so vulnerable that I was almost a target for every other kid to show off his masculinity, thus impressing succubus and getting along with them.
From a very young age I was noticeably morbidly obese due to my parent's ignorance and unhealthy, illogical amounts of junk food they've been feeding me for the first decade and a half of my life. along with being morbidly obese my shyness didn't help but damage my already declining self-esteem even further. Nonetheless I managed to be one of the top students in school and I was always complimented by teachers and given awards, however. all that came to an end once I started high school that was almost 4 years ago, my panic disorder got much worse for which I had to shut myself away in my room because I couldn't handle the stress of being involved in social situations. As helpless as I was I had to see a psychiatrist in mid 2017, he insisted on putting me on antidepressants so I can somewhat manage my suicidal ideation. consequently and due to the side effects of the medications, I dropped out of high school and apparently have no future right now whatsoever!
3 years after and I'm not as depressed and suicidal anymore, however. there's a deep sense of sadness and sorrow growing up and eating me from the inside, I want to go to college (My parents are poor folks with no inheritance left for me) I need to graduate and find a job and since I'm in a third world country even minimum wage jobs require a college degree. I don't know I still have to graduate high school, I have time though, a whole year ahead of me.
So what do you think wizzies ? should I seriously consider getting back into the education system and graduate high school? should I be scared of relapsing at any moment because of the amount of dedication it requires to graduate especially after 4 years of hopelessly lurking chans and watching anime?
Any other wizards who are living in third world countries and have to deal with the education system, are welcome here, share your stories wizzies.
A misguided wizard
To start off, I am a 21yo apprentice wizard living in a third world country.Growing up I had a very negative childhood consisted of bullying and humiliation which traumatized me and gave lots of complicated mental health issues, such as (anxiety disorder, panic disorder, depression, and agoraphobia)
I did well in elementary and middle school, despite being so vulnerable that I was almost a target for every other kid to show off his masculinity, thus impressing succubus and getting along with them.
From a very young age I was noticeably morbidly obese due to my parent's ignorance and unhealthy, illogical amounts of junk food they've been feeding me for the first decade and a half of my life. along with being morbidly obese my shyness didn't help but damage my already declining self-esteem even further. Nonetheless I managed to be one of the top students in school and I was always complimented by teachers and given awards, however. all that came to an end once I started high school that was almost 4 years ago, my panic disorder got much worse for which I had to shut myself away in my room because I couldn't handle the stress of being involved in social situations. As helpless as I was I had to see a psychiatrist in mid 2017, he insisted on putting me on antidepressants so I can somewhat manage my suicidal ideation. consequently and due to the side effects of the medications, I dropped out of high school and apparently have no future right now whatsoever!
3 years after and I'm not as depressed and suicidal anymore, however. there's a deep sense of sadness and sorrow growing up and eating me from the inside, I want to go to college (My parents are poor folks with no inheritance left for me) I need to graduate and find a job and since I'm in a third world country even minimum wage jobs require a college degree. I don't know I still have to graduate high school, I have time though, a whole year ahead of me.
So what do you think wizzies ? should I seriously consider getting back into the education system and graduate high school? should I be scared of relapsing at any moment because of the amount of dedication it requires to graduate especially after 4 years of hopelessly lurking chans and watching anime?
Any other wizards who are living in third world countries and have to deal with the education system, are welcome here, share your stories wizzies.
R: 21 / I: 8
I always have to think about how much time I have wasted now doing nothing but trivial tasks like downloading movies, watching useless yt videos and switching between the usual websites and every ambition I might have had is instantly forgotten and the cycle repeats again.
I want to do something useful with the massive amount of free time I have, but everytime I try, this void overcomes me.
I have not played a single game since 2018 or something like that because it felt like a waste of time
Now I have sunken even lower than a consumer cuck
It must have been this cycle of constant failure that has manifested itself inside my brain.
I am beginning to think that this might be related to my autism ocd or whatever that I can't process the massive amount of information available on the internet and should refrain from internet usage altogether.
there must be something to break free of this hell…
coping with wasted life, information overload
Every time I turn on my computer a deep sense of emptiness and depression overcomes me.I always have to think about how much time I have wasted now doing nothing but trivial tasks like downloading movies, watching useless yt videos and switching between the usual websites and every ambition I might have had is instantly forgotten and the cycle repeats again.
I want to do something useful with the massive amount of free time I have, but everytime I try, this void overcomes me.
I have not played a single game since 2018 or something like that because it felt like a waste of time
Now I have sunken even lower than a consumer cuck
It must have been this cycle of constant failure that has manifested itself inside my brain.
I am beginning to think that this might be related to my autism ocd or whatever that I can't process the massive amount of information available on the internet and should refrain from internet usage altogether.
there must be something to break free of this hell…
R: 24 / I: 1
My options seem to be:
>Create maximum chaos
Either plan out one big caper, or keep ramping up small acts of dissent here and there, credit cards maxxed, fraud, insurgency etc..
>Monk LARP
Go to Tibet or some equally truwiz place and learn some 'real shit' as it were that could prepare me for the finale
>Continue being a degen, watching increasingly more depraved erotica, eating myself into a stupor and likely dieing before the given date
The true answer
If you could be guaranteed death, what would you do?
Let's say you could arrange a deal that on 1st Jan 2021 you would cease to exist, what would you spend the rest of the year doing?My options seem to be:
>Create maximum chaos
Either plan out one big caper, or keep ramping up small acts of dissent here and there, credit cards maxxed, fraud, insurgency etc..
>Monk LARP
Go to Tibet or some equally truwiz place and learn some 'real shit' as it were that could prepare me for the finale
>Continue being a degen, watching increasingly more depraved erotica, eating myself into a stupor and likely dieing before the given date
The true answer
R: 27 / I: 4
Can anyone else not tie their shoes
I still can't do it well or handwrite properly. Basically anything with visual spacial stuff that's multi step is a nightmare.
R: 307 / I: 40
previous >>214237
Wageslave General
No hope, no prospects editionprevious >>214237
R: 78 / I: 6
i hate it so fucking much, i wish my diet weren't at the whim of others. lunch is the only meal i can consistently skip, i can't purge, and i only have a few hours a day to exercise.
no amount of sit ups and squats can burn 500 calories consistently
/anorexia/
5'8, 127.9lbsi hate it so fucking much, i wish my diet weren't at the whim of others. lunch is the only meal i can consistently skip, i can't purge, and i only have a few hours a day to exercise.
no amount of sit ups and squats can burn 500 calories consistently
R: 1 / I: 0
Why are you depressed, depresion is just in the head ,just cheer up for once
Why are you depressed, depresion is just in the head ,just cheer up for once
R: 68 / I: 8
Dystheism thread
I both believe in and thoroughly hate God. Now a lot of you atheists will think “LOL WhY hATe GuD InSteAD thInK HiM not ReaL?” But disbelief is not an option for me due to intense personal revelation. That’s right, I was in the thick of it, fasting for numbers of days at a time, getting tested by demons and I have fuck all to show for it aside from some psychotic diagnoses I was finally able to milk for neetbux. I’m going to hell and let me tell you God is an importunate douche.
R: 310 / I: 49
Depression Crawl Thread Whatever
Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
R: 9 / I: 2
I want to believe that my negative view of my self and the world is wrong, but it just keeps getting proven right over and over again.
I want to believe that my negative view of my self and the world is wrong, but it just keeps getting proven right over and over again.
R: 6 / I: 0
if you have a pharmacy at your disposal, can you make something that'll off you in a neutral way? just like going to sleep, minimal effect on brain receptors.
if you have a pharmacy at your disposal, can you make something that'll off you in a neutral way? just like going to sleep, minimal effect on brain receptors.
R: 7 / I: 0
family reactions to rotter life
If anyone else is LDARing, how do relatives react? Basically, I failed at everything I tried and my windows of opportunity are non-existent. I have significant learning disabilities, but they were usually trivialized because I could memorize enough to do well until University. Most of my relatives don't give a fuck about me, but I get a lot of resentment for "giving up" even though I am totally out of money to do anything at this point. I can't work a shitty job because I always end up messing up things up due to my slow processing speed and poor motor skills. everyone in my immediate family is shit in some way and the successful uncles/cousins/etc. just expect things to magically work out.
R: 10 / I: 0
I was convinced I was going to die. I didn't want to let go or die while it was happening. I lamented all the things I hadn't done, again. "Just if I had another chance, I'll cherish life; I'll find a way".
Didn't die, here I am. Still scared as fuck, too scared to lie down or sleep. Can't even take my "meds". Got my mind torn away. I haven't fully returned yet, my head hurts, my belly stings, my limbs are twitching. Can't look at lights but I'm more afraid of the darkness and I'm locked up in my black room.
I'm scared, self harm is not fun in any way, shape or form, specially if it can potentially lead to death, death hurts. It can start off as being unconscious, but when you stop breathing you'll realize you haven't been breathing for the last X minutes, that wakes you up.
The illusion of death has shattered, I'm too scared for that. The illusion of wasting my life away is still there, but I'm not quite sure if that's what I really want. This has been very scary, I'm paranoid.
Almost died again
Did something stupid. Overthinking death and suicide. End up in the middle of a near death experience. Not the first time it happens, but this is the second strongest. Had to keep myself breathing and awake until the situation had gone away, waited many hours motionless, eyes closed.I was convinced I was going to die. I didn't want to let go or die while it was happening. I lamented all the things I hadn't done, again. "Just if I had another chance, I'll cherish life; I'll find a way".
Didn't die, here I am. Still scared as fuck, too scared to lie down or sleep. Can't even take my "meds". Got my mind torn away. I haven't fully returned yet, my head hurts, my belly stings, my limbs are twitching. Can't look at lights but I'm more afraid of the darkness and I'm locked up in my black room.
I'm scared, self harm is not fun in any way, shape or form, specially if it can potentially lead to death, death hurts. It can start off as being unconscious, but when you stop breathing you'll realize you haven't been breathing for the last X minutes, that wakes you up.
The illusion of death has shattered, I'm too scared for that. The illusion of wasting my life away is still there, but I'm not quite sure if that's what I really want. This has been very scary, I'm paranoid.
R: 177 / I: 20
How did you or your parents ruined your life? What did cause your transformation to wizard?
How did you or your parents ruined your life? What did cause your transformation to wizard?
R: 10 / I: 3
I was brought in a poor household to a bunch of dumb boomers who constantly fed me junk food, sweets and fuzzy drinks. The reason they fed me seemingly expensive food compared to the healthy cheap stuff they could've fed me is because they didn't have time for me, they were always busy at work and when they were home they'd just watch the news and sleep.
Growing up I didn't have any friends I was morbidly obese at a very young age so no one seemed to be interested enough in me to consider me a friend, consequently I hated school and hated being involved in social situations since I wasn't taught how to normally interact and decently hold down a conversation. My parents weren't social butterflies either and didn't have many friends, I've seen my dad doing the same routine for 20 years which consisted of going to work, eating, obsessively watching the news, sleep, repeat.
The bullying started very early as well which stagnated my emotional development to this day, I remember skipping classes and running away from home everytime my parents found out that I was absent from school. I tried to explain to them why I hated school and how I was horribly and involuntarily bullied. They didn't do jack shit, as though I was talking to a piece of concrete that doesn't have any feelings.
Eventually my school life came to an end once I dropped out of high school due to anxiety and depression, as much as things were comfy I was hit by waves of depression that lead me to attempt suicide 5 times, taking a cocktail of psychiatric medications also fucked with me and halted my weight loss process due to excessive hunger from taking 10 pills a day. It has been five years since I dropped out of school and during that time I've learned a lot of things, thankfully I'm not dumb and I have knowledge on certain topics, however. I'm still as obese as I was at 5 and I hate it so much giving that obesity practically fucked me up for life.
Sorry for the long thread wizzis, how was your life ruined by obesity??
Obesity
How many of you wizzies are obese and/or struggling to drop the weight that is causing you severe health problems.I was brought in a poor household to a bunch of dumb boomers who constantly fed me junk food, sweets and fuzzy drinks. The reason they fed me seemingly expensive food compared to the healthy cheap stuff they could've fed me is because they didn't have time for me, they were always busy at work and when they were home they'd just watch the news and sleep.
Growing up I didn't have any friends I was morbidly obese at a very young age so no one seemed to be interested enough in me to consider me a friend, consequently I hated school and hated being involved in social situations since I wasn't taught how to normally interact and decently hold down a conversation. My parents weren't social butterflies either and didn't have many friends, I've seen my dad doing the same routine for 20 years which consisted of going to work, eating, obsessively watching the news, sleep, repeat.
The bullying started very early as well which stagnated my emotional development to this day, I remember skipping classes and running away from home everytime my parents found out that I was absent from school. I tried to explain to them why I hated school and how I was horribly and involuntarily bullied. They didn't do jack shit, as though I was talking to a piece of concrete that doesn't have any feelings.
Eventually my school life came to an end once I dropped out of high school due to anxiety and depression, as much as things were comfy I was hit by waves of depression that lead me to attempt suicide 5 times, taking a cocktail of psychiatric medications also fucked with me and halted my weight loss process due to excessive hunger from taking 10 pills a day. It has been five years since I dropped out of school and during that time I've learned a lot of things, thankfully I'm not dumb and I have knowledge on certain topics, however. I'm still as obese as I was at 5 and I hate it so much giving that obesity practically fucked me up for life.
Sorry for the long thread wizzis, how was your life ruined by obesity??
R: 94 / I: 5
My shrink prescribed me Wellbutrin for fatigue which I took for 3 months or so, but they didn't do shit except reduce nicotine cravings. Apparently it's also prescribed for smoking cessation for which it worked wonders actually.
Shrink didn't want to prescribe me other AD's because those have heavier side effects and she thinks it wouldn't be worth it since they usually make fatigue worse and are more for anxiouspatients.
I also tried a bunch of nootropics, but none of those did anything. If you have experience, share those aswell
Anti-Depressants
Anyone here tried those? What did they do.My shrink prescribed me Wellbutrin for fatigue which I took for 3 months or so, but they didn't do shit except reduce nicotine cravings. Apparently it's also prescribed for smoking cessation for which it worked wonders actually.
Shrink didn't want to prescribe me other AD's because those have heavier side effects and she thinks it wouldn't be worth it since they usually make fatigue worse and are more for anxiouspatients.
I also tried a bunch of nootropics, but none of those did anything. If you have experience, share those aswell
R: 2 / I: 0
After a stupid long binging, longest being a week long binge, I decided to quit for good, again. Just for a day from now on.
I'll live for the day. I'll eat for the day. I'll enjoy whatever I enjoy for the day, until I die. Right now re-reading berserk after 10 years or more. That and Lucifer Hammer are my favorite mango. And Jojo in general.
Got a fuckton of empty liquor bottles lying around in my room, and pills and some illegal shit. Can't thrash it all at once, got eyhes on me. I've managed to get hard liquor despite prohibition policies from my government.
I hadn't eaten yogurt with real berries since a long time. That's my favorite breakfast. Like, last time was a month or more and then I just stopped exercising and started using/drinking again. Fucking love yogurt and berries.
After a stupid long binging, longest being a week long binge, I decided to quit for good, again. Just for a day from now on.
I'll live for the day. I'll eat for the day. I'll enjoy whatever I enjoy for the day, until I die. Right now re-reading berserk after 10 years or more. That and Lucifer Hammer are my favorite mango. And Jojo in general.
Got a fuckton of empty liquor bottles lying around in my room, and pills and some illegal shit. Can't thrash it all at once, got eyhes on me. I've managed to get hard liquor despite prohibition policies from my government.
I hadn't eaten yogurt with real berries since a long time. That's my favorite breakfast. Like, last time was a month or more and then I just stopped exercising and started using/drinking again. Fucking love yogurt and berries.
R: 19 / I: 1
Personnaly I'm trying to stay as far away from anything that reminds me from my state (even if it doesn't always work like today). I'm genuinely interested in what makes you stay here especially given the toxicity here and on imageboards in general.
What makes you stay here?
People who spend a lot of time here: what makes you stay here?Personnaly I'm trying to stay as far away from anything that reminds me from my state (even if it doesn't always work like today). I'm genuinely interested in what makes you stay here especially given the toxicity here and on imageboards in general.
R: 35 / I: 5
I'm mainly remembering these as I was only able to pull them off in elementary school and it's been like 20 years because I have constant flashbacks, which fucking sucks.
Stuff you did to avoid school as a kid
Personally, I would claim to be sick as often as possible which was easy since my nose is frequently stuffed up. My best thing was saying spring break started a week earlier and the teachers really got upset with me for that one. I also dodged classes by having to go the nurse's office a lot.I'm mainly remembering these as I was only able to pull them off in elementary school and it's been like 20 years because I have constant flashbacks, which fucking sucks.
R: 12 / I: 0
Please someone, tell me I'm not alone and hold my hand, I'm begging.
Mentally ill
It's been hard for me to come to terms with being mentally ill. I'm basically a textbook example. BPD, major depression, anxiety, insomnia, suicidal ideation (attempted suicide before), attention deficit disorder. Prone to having psychotic episodes or seizures. Doctors always end up kicking me as a patient.Please someone, tell me I'm not alone and hold my hand, I'm begging.
R: 191 / I: 39
>The only rule is, please, take the time to read the other posts before replying. The goal is to have the most connections possible.
Connection Thread Experiment
Just talk a bit about yourself. I would recommend talking about specifics and unique tastes or goals, so you may have a better chance of finding someone similar to you. Maybe some quick life story summary. It's up to you.>The only rule is, please, take the time to read the other posts before replying. The goal is to have the most connections possible.
R: 15 / I: 0
>be me, 25
>dropped out of high school age 17
>went to community college for 2 years, A in every class but no degree
>start working at place near campus
>quit college a week after starting
>work there 2 years
>get drivers license at 23 after 1.5 years working there
>quit job
>go neet for year
>mom gets me tickets to a seminar on infographics
>take bus to city to go
>whole thing cost her like 250 dollars
>while I'm there I see all these successful normies
>start to realize what a failure I am
>go home and feel guilt that I will never utilize what I learned
>few months later I get a wagecuck factory job
>been working there 6 months as of today
>boring as hell and I am only getting older
>I was supposed to be successful but my life is just pointless now
>I just want to find a way to NEET it up until I die
>autistic work ethic is keeping me from quitting my job even though it would be smarter to quit and go back to college
>be me, 25
>dropped out of high school age 17
>went to community college for 2 years, A in every class but no degree
>start working at place near campus
>quit college a week after starting
>work there 2 years
>get drivers license at 23 after 1.5 years working there
>quit job
>go neet for year
>mom gets me tickets to a seminar on infographics
>take bus to city to go
>whole thing cost her like 250 dollars
>while I'm there I see all these successful normies
>start to realize what a failure I am
>go home and feel guilt that I will never utilize what I learned
>few months later I get a wagecuck factory job
>been working there 6 months as of today
>boring as hell and I am only getting older
>I was supposed to be successful but my life is just pointless now
>I just want to find a way to NEET it up until I die
>autistic work ethic is keeping me from quitting my job even though it would be smarter to quit and go back to college
R: 94 / I: 9
In this thread say anything about your daily struggle. Have you been able to maintain your sobriety? do you even want to quit? are you acceptable life as it is?
>We cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how we respond to them - Epictetus
>You don’t develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity - Epicurus
>You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life - Camus
>To be happy, we must not be too concerned with others - Camus
Sobriety and Accepting Life General #1
This is a general thread about addiction (including behavioural addictions), escapism, substance abuse, sobriety, change and acceptance.In this thread say anything about your daily struggle. Have you been able to maintain your sobriety? do you even want to quit? are you acceptable life as it is?
>We cannot choose our external circumstances, but we can always choose how we respond to them - Epictetus
>You don’t develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity - Epicurus
>You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life - Camus
>To be happy, we must not be too concerned with others - Camus
R: 100 / I: 16
>He starts drinking
>Dad confiscates his booze
>Uncle takes off
>I spend the next day trying to convince my dad we basically have to get him back here and accommodate his drinking so he doesn’t end up at a shelter in contact with a lot of people.
>I have to promise I will take care of all his needs and keep him away from my dad
>send a bunch of messages and texts to his phone
>call police. They send out a dispatch
>he comes back the next day on his own
>it turns out he did go to the shelter the previous night
>note to self: wash hands obsessively
>tell him he needs to stay between the guest bedroom and bathroom because he could have got the virus at the shelter
>he keeps fucking around. At one point he pees in a bag
>yells at me all day to cook shit for him and give him booze
>losing my fucking mind. Never felt more stressed in my life
>inb4 caring about family is normie
How is Corona Virus/Covid 19 pandemic making your life worse?
>Alcoholic uncle staying with us at Dads place>He starts drinking
>Dad confiscates his booze
>Uncle takes off
>I spend the next day trying to convince my dad we basically have to get him back here and accommodate his drinking so he doesn’t end up at a shelter in contact with a lot of people.
>I have to promise I will take care of all his needs and keep him away from my dad
>send a bunch of messages and texts to his phone
>call police. They send out a dispatch
>he comes back the next day on his own
>it turns out he did go to the shelter the previous night
>note to self: wash hands obsessively
>tell him he needs to stay between the guest bedroom and bathroom because he could have got the virus at the shelter
>he keeps fucking around. At one point he pees in a bag
>yells at me all day to cook shit for him and give him booze
>losing my fucking mind. Never felt more stressed in my life
>inb4 caring about family is normie
R: 17 / I: 3
I don't have a lot to work with due to the fact that I live in Europe, in a country without mountains and no tall buildings around me in this dead farmland city.
What methods of suicide can I do? My first idea was trains, but due to the corona virus they arent running. Roping seems to be a solid way, I've heard about people being able to do it with just a belt, although I don't know how that would work considering I don't have something in the ceilling I can use. What are your thoughts on how I can kill myself painlessly?
Suicide method in EU
Alright party people, it looks like I've come to the end of the road, and therefore I'd be honored if you could help me escape this life.I don't have a lot to work with due to the fact that I live in Europe, in a country without mountains and no tall buildings around me in this dead farmland city.
What methods of suicide can I do? My first idea was trains, but due to the corona virus they arent running. Roping seems to be a solid way, I've heard about people being able to do it with just a belt, although I don't know how that would work considering I don't have something in the ceilling I can use. What are your thoughts on how I can kill myself painlessly?
R: 4 / I: 1
Which indirectnly narrows down the more "negative" wizard behavior being either schizoid or BPD in nature. Like, are you a passive wizzard? More than likely you're schizoid and that's fine. Are you an active wizzard? You're more likely to be active aggressive and impulsive, by nature, it's fine too.
I'm just having a drunk rant, I' won't be able to type coherently in a while. But I do see a never ending path of constantly seekling harm. Now in the form of alcohol and drugs, and it's been a fucking decade or more. Pls respond, getting shitfaced. Don't leave, I will come back with more pain and lessons and wizdoms. Right now my belly stings and by chest burns from so much drinking and smoking. Been binging for a week. Haven't eaten anything edible in 3 days which I remember. Today alcohol was my dinner if you keep in mind I woke up today 2 AM. Or early breakfast. However the fuck you wanna call it. No there was no fucking dinner or breakfast the day before.
important shit right here
I've just realized a common trait along wizards, despite many years being here. Extreme attachment; or extreme attachment and detachment at the same time if there was sort of phyisical or other abuse.Which indirectnly narrows down the more "negative" wizard behavior being either schizoid or BPD in nature. Like, are you a passive wizzard? More than likely you're schizoid and that's fine. Are you an active wizzard? You're more likely to be active aggressive and impulsive, by nature, it's fine too.
I'm just having a drunk rant, I' won't be able to type coherently in a while. But I do see a never ending path of constantly seekling harm. Now in the form of alcohol and drugs, and it's been a fucking decade or more. Pls respond, getting shitfaced. Don't leave, I will come back with more pain and lessons and wizdoms. Right now my belly stings and by chest burns from so much drinking and smoking. Been binging for a week. Haven't eaten anything edible in 3 days which I remember. Today alcohol was my dinner if you keep in mind I woke up today 2 AM. Or early breakfast. However the fuck you wanna call it. No there was no fucking dinner or breakfast the day before.
R: 31 / I: 2
Who else is incapable of handling conflict, even online? I've never gotten any better at it. If anything, I've gotten worse.
>when I realize that somebody is antagonizing me or picking a fight with me, I freeze up, my mind goes blank, I say nothing, I get tunnel vision, and my body starts trembling continously up until some time after the threat is gone, and it ruins the entire rest of my day with shame for my own impotency and indignation and disappointment towards people
>can only ever think of what to feasibly say or do in response to the threat hours or days or weeks after the fact, if ever
>innate cautiousness, aversion to risk, and low self-confidence mean that I have a sort of learned helplessness where I feel that it is pointless to fight back because my retaliations will be ineffectual and will just be met with more force and pain anyway
>capacity for self-control/low impulsiveness, objectivity, introspection, and empathy completely gimp my ability to defend myself
>I don't like hurting or upsetting people, and I am conscious that I'm no more inherently valuable than anyone else, and no one is inherently any more deserving of hurt or suffering than anyone else; this mixed with low self-esteem means that I always hesitate to fight back and end up letting them get many punches in before I finally register them as an unthinking vicious animal deserving of retaliation and I manage to throw even a single faltering punch back, but more often than not I just do nothing at all and let them keep going until they stop hurting me or one of us walks away
>my reflexive adherence to objectivity means that in an argument I'm always considering the other person's point of view and negotiating and playing devil's advocate against myself, where the other person will often narcissistically delude themselves into any justification that allows them to think they are entirely correct and they deserve to win, and will go straight for my throat without any regard for what is true or fair
Who else is incapable of handling conflict, even online? I've never gotten any better at it. If anything, I've gotten worse.
>when I realize that somebody is antagonizing me or picking a fight with me, I freeze up, my mind goes blank, I say nothing, I get tunnel vision, and my body starts trembling continously up until some time after the threat is gone, and it ruins the entire rest of my day with shame for my own impotency and indignation and disappointment towards people
>can only ever think of what to feasibly say or do in response to the threat hours or days or weeks after the fact, if ever
>innate cautiousness, aversion to risk, and low self-confidence mean that I have a sort of learned helplessness where I feel that it is pointless to fight back because my retaliations will be ineffectual and will just be met with more force and pain anyway
>capacity for self-control/low impulsiveness, objectivity, introspection, and empathy completely gimp my ability to defend myself
>I don't like hurting or upsetting people, and I am conscious that I'm no more inherently valuable than anyone else, and no one is inherently any more deserving of hurt or suffering than anyone else; this mixed with low self-esteem means that I always hesitate to fight back and end up letting them get many punches in before I finally register them as an unthinking vicious animal deserving of retaliation and I manage to throw even a single faltering punch back, but more often than not I just do nothing at all and let them keep going until they stop hurting me or one of us walks away
>my reflexive adherence to objectivity means that in an argument I'm always considering the other person's point of view and negotiating and playing devil's advocate against myself, where the other person will often narcissistically delude themselves into any justification that allows them to think they are entirely correct and they deserve to win, and will go straight for my throat without any regard for what is true or fair
R: 34 / I: 0
I found out this was basically Non-Verbal Learning Disorder, so I was pretty fucked from the get-go and the only successful people with it seem to be succubi in social work.
Learning Disabilities
Does anyone else have significant learning disabilities? Basically, I didn't really figure out I did since it's usually associated with dyslexia and I was always able to read and spell. When I noticed that the more effort I put into certain things had diminishing returns, it started to become visible that I was a lot slower than other people when it came to skill acquisition and sometimes just never improved past a certain level. Since I went to mostly easy schools until University, I hadn't really gotten my rude awakening until I had to compete with actually smart people. It used to be me just writing stuff off as me being bad at math like a lot of people, but I wasn't good with my hands or longer writing formats at all. I'd look at the feedback, try to improve yet it wasn't really happening. I'd just get some of the stuff down in a rote sense but I wasn't able to expand it beyond that.I found out this was basically Non-Verbal Learning Disorder, so I was pretty fucked from the get-go and the only successful people with it seem to be succubi in social work.
R: 12 / I: 1
Usually they don't care because suffering is subjective and they think im a lunatic or something.
Nasty mental breakdowns
Anyone have these how do normalshits react?Usually they don't care because suffering is subjective and they think im a lunatic or something.
R: 28 / I: 0
I feel like im intelligent enough to do some kind of low-tier white collar/office job, but i absolutely cannot tolerate interacting with people in an open ended way. if its necessary to complete a task or job, sure, but im completely uninterested in other people or their lives. most people are unremarkable and just a nuisance. Id honestly rather use the internet to find like minded people and have complete control over how much "social" interaction i have with them. I'm 29 and i can feel the cusp of the inescapable psychological reality that im no longer a kid and there isn't anymore time. O well. Fuck it.
Life is a joke
As we speak, im typing this 4 hours and 16 minutes into my supposed first 5 hour shift as a Freight Associate at Home Depot. The supervisor told us to go to the computer room and do modules, and that he'd check on us in 20 minutes. He never came back, so I've just been sitting here getting paid to browse the internet and do nothing. I don't even need this job because i live at home with a soft ass dad and step-mom with no authority, but i wanted some money. I'm thinking about just clocking in and sitting far back in the the computer room from now on until they either notice me and fire me, or i just stop showing up. In the meantime ill just apply for other jobs.I feel like im intelligent enough to do some kind of low-tier white collar/office job, but i absolutely cannot tolerate interacting with people in an open ended way. if its necessary to complete a task or job, sure, but im completely uninterested in other people or their lives. most people are unremarkable and just a nuisance. Id honestly rather use the internet to find like minded people and have complete control over how much "social" interaction i have with them. I'm 29 and i can feel the cusp of the inescapable psychological reality that im no longer a kid and there isn't anymore time. O well. Fuck it.
R: 8 / I: 0
Wagecucking has been bad, my supervisor keeps tabs on every single fault I make. Or instantly assumes a mistake. This started some months ago when we got into an argument. I am started getting scolded everyday multiple times and this has a very negative effect on me.
I've confided some people I genuinely trust that I am feeling more depressed and tired than before. That thing will only go worse for me. Deep down I am likely to attempt suicide, at 26. My mom just lets me hug her no questions at 26, for minutes. She was physically abusive until I was 25. She punched my face, left me breathless, forgot to take her ring from her punching hand.
This succubus I hate, now I cling so hard to her. I hate life so much, you have no idea.
Feeling more depressed and suicidal
Alcoholism and drug dependence has gone way out of hands. I can't control it anymore.Wagecucking has been bad, my supervisor keeps tabs on every single fault I make. Or instantly assumes a mistake. This started some months ago when we got into an argument. I am started getting scolded everyday multiple times and this has a very negative effect on me.
I've confided some people I genuinely trust that I am feeling more depressed and tired than before. That thing will only go worse for me. Deep down I am likely to attempt suicide, at 26. My mom just lets me hug her no questions at 26, for minutes. She was physically abusive until I was 25. She punched my face, left me breathless, forgot to take her ring from her punching hand.
This succubus I hate, now I cling so hard to her. I hate life so much, you have no idea.
R: 75 / I: 6
syrian refugees who get handouts in europe earn more than neurosurgeons here
i don't understand how third worlders work so hard. especially the smart ones who study 10+ hours a day to ace the university exam so they can become doctors and earn 500$ / month only to get murdered when child of two inbred retards dies from genetic illness
so no, its better to be a small fish in big pond than to be a big fish in small pond, unless of course you are the biggest fish(sultan)
any other third worlders here?
third world suffering
knowing everything you do in third world will be worhtless makes like exhausting and makes wageslaving incredibly hardsyrian refugees who get handouts in europe earn more than neurosurgeons here
i don't understand how third worlders work so hard. especially the smart ones who study 10+ hours a day to ace the university exam so they can become doctors and earn 500$ / month only to get murdered when child of two inbred retards dies from genetic illness
so no, its better to be a small fish in big pond than to be a big fish in small pond, unless of course you are the biggest fish(sultan)
any other third worlders here?
R: 3 / I: 0
I'm genuinely curious
Suicide survival
Anybody here has tried to commit suicide but failed and survived it? How was that experience? Did you change your thoughts or anything after that?I'm genuinely curious
R: 14 / I: 2
Where's the harm in killing somebody that fucked your life? Other people might hate them too, and that means you're doing a public service getting rid of these people. And as we all know, public service is for the greater good, therefore truly good.
I don't see the difference in murdering an animal and murdering a human. I'd never kill an animal personally unless it trying to hurt me so why not applying the same for humans as well.
The state is too biased and slow to take care of these issues. A lot of people suck and they deserve to die, so the world would be better without them. I bet it would feel great.
Also, we all know that most single mothers destroy the lives of their sons, so they should all be murdered as well. The children should also die, so they don't become future inepts. We need to put this planet in order again.
And if you don't know, murder is already legalized, but only for the super rich.
If you have money and are able to find good enough lawyers, you can get away with anything. This is an economic injustice which needs to be rectified. So murder should be legalized so that everyone, rich or poor, can defend themselves against these super rich without being punished.
The super rich should also all be murdered since they are the main reason for wageslavery, which creates worldwide misery. They control the law, so you can't trust in the law to bring true justice.
Murder is a natural and constructive tool in society
>If there is someone you really hate, that did something awful to you, I think that you should be able to legally kill them.Where's the harm in killing somebody that fucked your life? Other people might hate them too, and that means you're doing a public service getting rid of these people. And as we all know, public service is for the greater good, therefore truly good.
I don't see the difference in murdering an animal and murdering a human. I'd never kill an animal personally unless it trying to hurt me so why not applying the same for humans as well.
The state is too biased and slow to take care of these issues. A lot of people suck and they deserve to die, so the world would be better without them. I bet it would feel great.
Also, we all know that most single mothers destroy the lives of their sons, so they should all be murdered as well. The children should also die, so they don't become future inepts. We need to put this planet in order again.
And if you don't know, murder is already legalized, but only for the super rich.
If you have money and are able to find good enough lawyers, you can get away with anything. This is an economic injustice which needs to be rectified. So murder should be legalized so that everyone, rich or poor, can defend themselves against these super rich without being punished.
The super rich should also all be murdered since they are the main reason for wageslavery, which creates worldwide misery. They control the law, so you can't trust in the law to bring true justice.
R: 77 / I: 5
1. Child abuse creates wizards. Most of us wizards here were abused as children. If we were not abused we would likely develop into mindless normalfag npcs. It is a fate worse than death to be a normalfag, and so the pain that we went through as children has ended up helping us in the long run, saving us from being bound to the normalfag wheel of reproduction and death.
2. Child abuse creates realists. By being exposed to pain at an early age like this it quickly dispels the childish illusions that stupid people believe. Abused children grow up to be prudent adults. If you have a child that is coddled all its life it would likely become a foolish optimist who lives in fantasies of good will and altruism. These people will end up consumed by predators.
3. Child abuse makes people hate their parents. All independent wizards must eventually kill their parents, either metaphorically or literally. All parents are normalfags and loving a normalfag makes you a normalfag. Wizards are given the chance to be free from familial fetters through child abuse, we can spit on our parents coffin at their funeral and are immune to suffering granted from being tied up in normalfag relations.
Of course there is always the risk that the wizard will end up being unable to endure the crucible, but that is a justified risk in by opinion.
Child Abuse is Good
It is my belief that child abuse is a positive thing that we wizards should encourage. Reasons are as follows:1. Child abuse creates wizards. Most of us wizards here were abused as children. If we were not abused we would likely develop into mindless normalfag npcs. It is a fate worse than death to be a normalfag, and so the pain that we went through as children has ended up helping us in the long run, saving us from being bound to the normalfag wheel of reproduction and death.
2. Child abuse creates realists. By being exposed to pain at an early age like this it quickly dispels the childish illusions that stupid people believe. Abused children grow up to be prudent adults. If you have a child that is coddled all its life it would likely become a foolish optimist who lives in fantasies of good will and altruism. These people will end up consumed by predators.
3. Child abuse makes people hate their parents. All independent wizards must eventually kill their parents, either metaphorically or literally. All parents are normalfags and loving a normalfag makes you a normalfag. Wizards are given the chance to be free from familial fetters through child abuse, we can spit on our parents coffin at their funeral and are immune to suffering granted from being tied up in normalfag relations.
Of course there is always the risk that the wizard will end up being unable to endure the crucible, but that is a justified risk in by opinion.
R: 66 / I: 11
Boredom
What do you wizards do all day to pass the time? Personally for me it's becoming harder and harder to just consume media, especially that which contains succubi in them.
R: 79 / I: 13
tl;dr why are people so cruel to their friends when they get girlfriends?
Why do all my friends keep getting GFs and abandoning me
So I met this guy on a rizon irc chat three years ago. We both share niche hobbies, and we both have a passion in the preservation of retro Japanese video games. We used to frequently chat with each other every day. He went to college and I'm a NEET, but we still had a very good friendship. So, what happened? Well, he got a girlfriend a few weeks ago. Now before this, he has never, ever, had any interest in social media like instagram or twitter, but now he has both. Whenever I try to start a convo, he ghosts me or gives me vague replies. He makes me feel like a fucking monster that's did something so horrible. Like everyone, I have skeletons. I have fetishes that the majority of the human race would consider fucked up, and I hang out in circles that share art and videos of said fetishes. Whenever I get ghosted like this, I'm afraid someone may have gossiped about me or they can tell by my behavior that I'm a nut and they want nothing to do with me.tl;dr why are people so cruel to their friends when they get girlfriends?
R: 17 / I: 3
Frankenstein
Are we just the byproduct of sadistic lunatic breeders that wanted to bring children into a world expecting them to be lucky not to become outcasts/ addicts/mentally ill but it did anyways R: 5 / I: 0
I don't think there is anything wrong with being "normal". I believe anything can be an improvement to my dry and monotonous way of living. I've been sheltered my entire life which is why i'm so inadept and incompetent. I'm not talking about social skills (i've always mimicked those to some extent and i i know how to get by i don't care about that). I'm talking about life skills in general. I have no idea how to cook, maintain my hygiene like routines and shaving, paying utilities, etc…
Just the thought of losing my mother, my caretaker, one day makes me anxious and sad. I don't know how to act and think. I don't know how i feel like how do i know i'm feeling this or that at any moment ?
Because of this lifestyle, i had also always been afraid of people. I think i projected how i felt about my parents when i was young into other humans. I never had any serious social contact so i'm afraid of doing anything they deem unacceptable. I'm afraid i will anger them. They will bare their fangs at me, punish and assault me.
I don't care about the world, making it a better place or anything along those lines. I just want to be comfortable and satisfied in my own little cocoon. However i can't even accomplish that because i'm numb. I can't feel pleasure or enjoy anything and it hurts. I don't have any motivation or energy in me, hell i'm even surprised i wrote this much.
A typical day for me involves browsing the internet and watching TV all day. It's just a mindless circle of downloading and deleting, installing and uninstalling usually the same things over and over, switching between tabs and channels every 10 secs hoping something happens and staring at a stale page. Never actively pursuing anything. I never really enjoyed media and i never finish anything i started. I have no inspirations or aspirations really, except some momentary infatuations. They are some shallow obsessions i get from time to time with some occupations like drawing or "computer stuff". I have no specefic skills to be honest so i feel helpless and lost. I then just make excuses like saying it's because my computer is trash or it's because my parents raised me wrong.
I can't achieve any of my goals or get down to my personal projects. I just spend my day doing nothing. I want to better myself. This lifestyle had also affected my health. I sleep in my bed all day so i have these constant headaches and suffer from nausea. I feel like my bracrabls are melting and i know for a fact that my languages are degrading.
What should i do to be a little more happy ? or atleast to not feel empty ? How can i fill this void in my heart ?
My Jaded Life
This isn't an attention seeking thread. I'm hoping to learn from someone who relates to me and how he managed to feel a little better. If i can't achieve that, atleast i was able to externalize my worries so i can see them more clearly and vent a little. It's just random thoughts put together really.I don't think there is anything wrong with being "normal". I believe anything can be an improvement to my dry and monotonous way of living. I've been sheltered my entire life which is why i'm so inadept and incompetent. I'm not talking about social skills (i've always mimicked those to some extent and i i know how to get by i don't care about that). I'm talking about life skills in general. I have no idea how to cook, maintain my hygiene like routines and shaving, paying utilities, etc…
Just the thought of losing my mother, my caretaker, one day makes me anxious and sad. I don't know how to act and think. I don't know how i feel like how do i know i'm feeling this or that at any moment ?
Because of this lifestyle, i had also always been afraid of people. I think i projected how i felt about my parents when i was young into other humans. I never had any serious social contact so i'm afraid of doing anything they deem unacceptable. I'm afraid i will anger them. They will bare their fangs at me, punish and assault me.
I don't care about the world, making it a better place or anything along those lines. I just want to be comfortable and satisfied in my own little cocoon. However i can't even accomplish that because i'm numb. I can't feel pleasure or enjoy anything and it hurts. I don't have any motivation or energy in me, hell i'm even surprised i wrote this much.
A typical day for me involves browsing the internet and watching TV all day. It's just a mindless circle of downloading and deleting, installing and uninstalling usually the same things over and over, switching between tabs and channels every 10 secs hoping something happens and staring at a stale page. Never actively pursuing anything. I never really enjoyed media and i never finish anything i started. I have no inspirations or aspirations really, except some momentary infatuations. They are some shallow obsessions i get from time to time with some occupations like drawing or "computer stuff". I have no specefic skills to be honest so i feel helpless and lost. I then just make excuses like saying it's because my computer is trash or it's because my parents raised me wrong.
I can't achieve any of my goals or get down to my personal projects. I just spend my day doing nothing. I want to better myself. This lifestyle had also affected my health. I sleep in my bed all day so i have these constant headaches and suffer from nausea. I feel like my bracrabls are melting and i know for a fact that my languages are degrading.
What should i do to be a little more happy ? or atleast to not feel empty ? How can i fill this void in my heart ?
R: 2 / I: 0
8ch /suicide/ board is kill for good.
What's the next best thing?
Are there any good Darknet sites related to committing suicide?
8ch /suicide/ board is kill for good.
What's the next best thing?
Are there any good Darknet sites related to committing suicide?