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/dep/ - Depression

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R: 33 / I: 4
Do you guys ever think that maybe you are Chris-chan?

So I have this problem with being able to see an objective version of myself, as in like how I come off. I know how I come off in my head, but there is a disconnect between what you and others think.

I know a lot of people here like to exaggerate their situation, but we're not really at Chris-chan levels of autism, right? Do you honestly think you are THAT bad? I mean, you're obviously fucked up, but you're not that fucked up.

But, is it possible that's actually what you are? You are actually so far gone that you don't even realize how far gone you are. That is what autistic people do, isn't it? Part of autism is being unaware of how you come off to others. So if you have autism, how do you really know how others truly see you?

Like you have an idea in your head about how much autism you actually have, but how come that can't be part of the autism delusion? Is it possible you are actually just an unaware walking Chris-chan? I mean that would explain more why people react to you the way they do.
R: 86 / I: 14

Depression Crawl Thread XXXII

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread
R: 232 / I: 26

Inventory is empty

Reading the end of the wizards thread I wondered:

What's it like to be a wizard without any hobbies or interests? (Or at least interests and hobbies that USED to be associated with wizards?)

I've been slowly shedding my old hobbies and interests as they became mainstream (even degenerate otaku porn fetishes have this slowly increasing normalcy) and now I'm down to a couple things I still enjoy a little.

Any wizards who actually live without any real hobbies? I know I'm asking for a lot but I'd like responses from actual wizards or people close to wizardhood like the latter half of your 20s.
R: 9 / I: 1
today I turned 30 and became officially a wizard.
I'm proud of this achievement.
R: 292 / I: 32

Wageslave General

getting annoyed by stupid coworkers edition

previous >>228423
R: 45 / I: 3
If the government handed out free, painless, 100% effective suicide kits, would you use it?
R: 32 / I: 2

Returning forever

I've seen this image posted around here many times and I think it warrants its own thread for discussion. It really gives a good visual summary of Schopenhauer's philosophically grounded idea of reincarnation:

>Only by a false illusion does the cool shade of Orcus allure him as a

haven of rest. The earth rolls on from day into night; the individual
dies; but the sun itself burns without intermission, an eternal noon.
Life is certain to the will-to-live; the form of life is the endless present; it matters not how individuals, the phenomena of the Idea, arise
and pass away in time, like fleeting dreams.

>When we die, we throw off our individuality like a worn-out garment


In short, according to this position, life is the permanent condition of this world. When you die, you may lose your self (your elevated perspective) but not selfhood in general. As long as there is a perceiving subject, it is (you) that is perceiving as transmuted consciousness. What is compelling about this idea is that it doesn't depend on the existence of an immortal soul or spirit in order to be true.

So my question is, do you find this position plausible? If yes, does it scare you?

Honestly I find it both plausible and nightmarish in its consequences, because it entails that there is no rest, no peace and no release from the torments of this world, not even for a minute. The moment you are gone, there is not even a pause before you are violently brought back to be tortured, gutted, and consumed once more in the cosmic slaughterhouse.
R: 26 / I: 1

Cope with simulation

The games I play to pretend I’m succcessful. I’ll never be a real normie. Nobody knows that I play these games to feel better and that I have this folder but it really fills my life to know that every day I can wake up and attend my virtual job while the wage attends his real job I wish I had a real job but I can’t have a real job because I’m unable to have a real job
R: 6 / I: 0

Rant

I am a guy from a country with a stupid education system. I am currently doing an undergrad degree in a major I hate(don't ask why, the system here is fscked) and have tons of academic failures. I am somehow trying to pass slowly and clear my stuff. However my mental health problems and the fact that society treats us here worse than criminals makes it worse. Not to mention my seriously bad luck which has given me great pain in past and present. It's not that I hate studying. I love some stuff but not what I am being forced too. And especially with my mental issues, it is a torture. I almost feel like a sub human on most days.

Sorry for the rant guys, but an anonymous forum is one of the few places left for failures like me.
R: 5 / I: 0
>Shunned by "friends" /any group I've ever tried to be apart of
When did you realize you were destined to be alone forever?
R: 166 / I: 15

Suicide General

The last suicide general has hit the bump limit.
Previous thread here >>229281
R: 5 / I: 0
Three+ years ago I spent too much time with a very freaky druggie narcissistic occultist guy that tried to dominate and humiliated me, and to this day I spend day and night imagining I'm saying things to him and reliving the situations I spent with him and also feeling the bad feelings he exhaled
R: 44 / I: 1

Insomnia thread

I decided to start this thread to post about our experiences with insomnia and maybe to log during our insomniac episodes. I had thought about making a thread like this several times while scrolling wizchan at dawn. But I figured since it happened again now is right.

I think I might be ultra-sensitive to caffeine, as it seems the rare times I drink coffee or even soda, even half a day earlier it seems to be correlated with these nights.

Sometimes I try to just lay in bed as it seems the worst thing I can do is get up and go to the PC. But other times I just roll for hours and it doesnt help. I also find myself binge eating trying to put myself to sleep. Other times I wake up in a manic bipolar high with big projects.

Cioran was plagued by insomnia his entire life and it seems like the perfect torture to shape his hatred of life.

Im just remembering an old comedy central show Insomniacs

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Insomniac_with_Dave_Attell
R: 38 / I: 6

Missing Out.

Bitcoin. How many other Wizards, other than myself, missed out on their chance to eternal NEETdom? Personally, I've been aware of Bitcoin since 2009. I even mined it for a time before giving up. To rub salt in the wound further, I was even friends with many people who invested in it, yet never followed their example myself. While this is mostly due to the fact I was rather young at the time, even a small change of heart would have made me a millionaire right now.

For a long time, you were either born into riches or worked hard to get there. Now you'd be rich if you put spare change into internet funny money years ago. It's not fair, bros. And the regret will haunt me for the rest of my life.

If you have some crypto regret stories, share them in this thread so that this poor wizard might not feel alone in their mistake anymore. Wagecucking is so much more painful when you know you could have avoided it entirely.
R: 23 / I: 3

too apathetic to die

Does anyone else feel too apathetic to kill themselves?

I am conditioned to accept everything that happens to me including truly awful things which wold leave others in great distress.
I am not strong mentally but have become quite broken.
I do hate living I have the means and a plan to kill myself yet worry I will be too apathetic to go through with suicide.
I am hoping to drink alcohol to maybe get a emotional response that will push me over the edge.
I am constantly disassociated and this helps me as my reality is a nightmare.

I have survival instinct kick in when I am hanging myself but my plan involved SN and I do the hanging to try get myself ready to die.
R: 20 / I: 2
I've been a polydrug addict for 4 years, the amount of physical/mental/financial damage they've caused me has been immense. How do I quit? I've spent nearly every waking moment for the last 4 years high. I'd say, more then half of these highs weren't pleasurable, yet I still reach for any drug nearby. I'm reading into cognitive behavioral therapy, I never was one for therapy but I like the idea that I can read and apply the concepts by myself. Any advice would be appreciated, the other day while high and feeling miserable, I bought 10 grams of a barbiturate. If I keep abusing drugs, I think I'll have another mood swing and kill myself in an impulsive moment. I want to try maximizing the neurotransmitters I have to feel fine without drugs.
R: 38 / I: 12

Irreversible Personality Damage

Can we have irreversible personality damage ?
Let me clarify, at some point in my life I decided that I should be alone and I dug it deep into my brain as some form of defense that I will end up alone and so nothing anyone can say about me or even if I get rejected it wouldn't hurt(indifference is truly powerful).
After a while life started to get better but it doesn't matter anymore the hole has been dug and the mentality is forever itched in my brain and I don't allow people to get close. Is this irreversible ? Did I do too much damage to my own brain that coming back is impossible now ? Did any wizards have similar experiences ?
R: 53 / I: 4

Effects of loneliness on mental health

How does being completely alone affect ur mental health?

I think craving for social contact is a natural thing and even doctors found that people who are extremely lonely will most likely develop mental and physical health issues and on average their lifespan is shorter.

A lot of times through the day I find myself making up social interactions in my mind, I'm a massive social retard and the interactions in my imagination seem to be the ones I actually crave for.

Some time ago I started thinking loudly and talking to myself, it's something that is very hard to control and it just happens, sometimes I talk by myself for hours and I'm sure the reason for this is the lack of actual communication in my life since there is no one to actually say something to.

In my dreams I often experience abstract social interactions with other people that often feel so good that I'm sad and confused after waking up from them and that stuff fucks me up the whole day. I also noticed that I often dream about people from school and my childhood, most likely because that might have been the only time I was engaging with other people on a daily basis since I was also forced to and even back then I was always by myself and I really disliked school.

I think that my mental health will eventually degrade itself to the point where I lose my mind completely if things keep going that way and I don't think that this will ever change since this whole thing is a vicious cycle, I have mental problems that prevent me from communicating with other people and at the same time my mental health goes to down the drain even faster because of the loneliness.
R: 16 / I: 3
How do you guys deal with the fact that suffering, evil, and hardship is rampant within the universe?

I've come into this crippling line of thinking where the universe is a form of hell and all living beings experience great amounts of suffering and there is nothing I can do to fix it.

I used to look at people who suffered more than me as people to compare to myself and feel better about myself, but now I just see them as beings within this universe that have been created to endure years of suffering that can never be fixed.

The scariest part of this line of thinking is that suicide will not help or fix this problem and that I may be and we all may be stuck in this long progression of suffering that we cannot ever escape, even through death.

What the fuck do I do? I'm so scared right now.
R: 1 / I: 1
What is the most depressing movie you've ever seen? Threads and Leaving Las Vegas for me.
R: 47 / I: 5

What makes you passionate about things?

I saw this video recently (I know it's a JBP video but please don't turn this thread into a political shitshow debate, this thread is not about politics), and it really made me wonder, what the fuck determines what you are passionate about? I mean here I am, a lazy high school drop out NEET with zero passions or motivation to do anything but jerk off and browse forums and YouTube all day, meanwhile my peers from school have all went on to get amazing careers and are super passionate about things. I knew this kid in high school, quite introverted like me, yet unlike me he was incredibly passionate about one thing, and that was computer science, he spent hours programming anything and everything, he taught himself calculus and linear algebra at 17, he made tons of program on github that I cannot even begin to comprehend, naturally he is now a senior developer for Microsoft too. What sparked that interest in him in the first place? What made him enjoy computers so much to learn all that? I've tried to learn programming many times and I get bored to tears, anything else would be interesting to me. I can list countless examples of people like this, I know people who are obsessed with music, or neuroscience, or engineering. They spend hours and hours researching and they enjoy it, and best of all, they remember it!

Why am I cursed to live a meaningless and pointless life, why couldn't I have been chosen to be passionate about something, anything! It bothers me so much, that my happiness is completely out of my conscious control. Life is so cruel to me and I don't know why…
R: 78 / I: 9

Tortured a cat, feel like garbage

Street cat who has the habit of sneaking in our kitchen. So I cornered her there and went on squeezing her hard against the ground with a broom stick for 30 minutes.

Now this same cat had ruined the water filter before, but even then only cuz i scared her into hiding under the sink and next to the filter in the first place.

She’s sick now all cuz of my pettiness. I have far bigger problems and enemies in my life, but I took it out on her.
R: 4 / I: 0

how do you cope with the limitations of life?

i daydream for hours every day and get wrapped up in outlandish fantasies that could never possibly occur in real life. like sometimes i imagine i win the lottery twice in a row and become some rich bigshot or sometimes i imagine i find a genie that grants me 3 wishes, or sometimes i imagine i get weird powers and can just fuck around and have fun like life is a video game. and i can spend hours in these fantasies. i am seriously half expecting to just wake up one day and have one of them come true and then everything can just pop off.

there is some crazy catholic dude in the commieblocks next to me who thinks the pope got arrested and the combination of that and the capitol riot means christ is going to come back and he is telling everybody to get ready. and honestly i wish he would just come back and save us all. i wish he would of saved us 2000 years ago like he said he would. like imagine how nice it would be to be saved. it would be way better than to be stuck in the rat race
R: 42 / I: 10
I can't, I just can't stop with this porn addiction, I don't even enjoy it anymore, I just do it because I have the hope of feeling something but in the end is always the same, I've tried everything to stop, my longest streak was 32 days but, the boredom I experienced was horrible, everyday I cut my internet access but since I have no job or go to school I was all the day bored, I could not enjoy my anime because of the flatline I think I may have neet anhedonia, I haven't go to school since 1 year ago when I dropped out of high school, I cannot get a job because I am a high school drop out, I cannot go back to to school because of corona virus, my brain is fried, I cannot stand this anymore.
R: 159 / I: 21

Why is it so hard to be happy as a wizard?

Over the years I've posted many posts on various social media and imageboards describing my problems and I have never gotten any advice that helped, most of it boils down to "just start small!". This doesn't help me at all, I can't maintain focus for long, nor do I feel particularly enthusiastic or passionate about the long term goals I have for myself (i.e read more books, exercise more, study something online like programming). I'm going to post an outline of issues for the sake of further context but I want the focus of this thread NOT to be about helping ME, but rather examining why the typical wizard afflictions are so hard to cure in the first place, why we are like this and if there really is anything we can do to fix it, or if we are just doomed to suffer.

I have no idea what to do with my life, I spend all day in my room on my computer watching YouTube and anime and I'm so sick of this life. I want to do something but I don't know what to do, I try to leave my house but I get so anxious and I have to go back to my room, I hate talking to people too. I've tried to learn something online but I get so bored and uninterested, I tried to learn programming but I found it so boring I couldn't motivate myself to do it. I don't even think I will be able to finish high school (I'm a high school drop out, yay me) or even college because I am so lazy and uninterested. I'm diagnosed with aspergers and ADHD but I can't get prescribed stimulants because I have had psychosis. I have a psychiatrist for my depression but none of the meds ever help, in fact since I started taking antidepressants I've gained over 100 pounds in less than 3 years. My psychiatrist doesn't even prescribe me anything when I say my meds are not working, he says to keep taking what I'm already taking (bupropion). I think my aspergers has ruined my life because I am so depressed and apathetic about everything, nothing seems worth it and life feels meaningless. Everything seems so hard and insurmountable. I honestly hate living this, everyday I get older and less capable, I keep repeating the same joyless day over and over again, hoping for something to spark within and change my entire being, but I know it will never happen. I just wish I could be happy with this current lifestyle but I seem to be missing something incredibly vital to human satisfaction, but I don't know how to get it.
R: 53 / I: 5
"Suicide is selfish"

What the fuck does this even mean? Is it just one final kick in the balls from normalfags before someone goes and does it? Is it supposed to make the person feel better? If I were contemplating suicide the last thing I would give a fuck about is the same people who drove me to do it in the first place.
R: 2 / I: 0

Starting another depression blog?

I've had various depression blogs since 2009, before that I used to mope in the misc sections of various forums. A few of them had a decent readership, relatively speaking. One because I somewhat self-promoted it commenting on other blogs. The other because it touched on issues besides my personal life.

My most recent blog, I think I started it in 2018. idk for some reason I'm still very private about sharing personal details. And so I keep it relatively abstract and philosophical. Don't touch on biographical details. In some ways its the worst of both worlds. It has virtually no readership. And yet it fails as a diary, since I keep shit rather vague, can't really explore the personal stuff in intimate detail.

idk I just feel like theres so much emotion and thought, a volcano exploding within me, that I just want to get out and have others read. But otoh I don't really see the point or know what the goal is. I ask myself who the intended readership is? What do I want out of it? Normies to pity me and offer me useless advice I wont follow? Or maybe fellow wizard-types who do understand to co-miserate with. But then if I just want an audience who understands my specific lifestyle that's what wizchan is for. A post on wizchan that gets 5 wizreaders can be better than 500 normie readers.

I feel like theres so much I have to say and get off my chest. And yet maybe it is egocentric. Its just the typical rants of /dep/. I really loved Wizchan the first years I found it after 2014. And idk if the quality has neccesarily gotten worse, or if I'm just bored of the same topics over and over again. Even the more intellectual isms of /dep/ have been done to death. Anti-natalism, gnosticism, schopenhauer, cioran, ligotti. So maybe theres nothing to say.

Whats the point? I'm not looking for practical advice. Normie sympathy? If I just want to comiserate with similar lifestylists, I already have Wizchan. idk maybe there is the fantasy of being the next Cioran, able to turn pessimism into literature that can appeal across lines. But I don't have the talent for that. The opposite of a Nietzschean aphorism quip. Long, rambling, without a point.

Its pointless, useless, worthless. I have nothing to say. My whole biography is the story of not a single human being able to relate to or understand me. Theres no reason any reader would relate more to my words on a screen than they have in person. Writing is after all an act of communication between persons.
R: 32 / I: 3
Does anybody else feel like we're near the end or that society is going to rapidly collapse as a result of climate change, neoliberalism, warfare, political instability, COVID, etc? I feel like these end of the world type scenarios are not sensationalist fearmongering anymore like it was in the past and that the end is actually happening.
R: 233 / I: 164

dep reaction images

Post your most relatable depression reaction pictures. I have a folder of these and looking at them, recognizing myself in them makes me feel better. As if someone out there shares my thoughts and feelings, even though the pictures are mostly cartoons and animals. It's an illusion, but somehow it helps.
R: 18 / I: 1

Rotting and atrophying as a neet

How to avoid rotting and atrophying when you're a neet? Is it even possible to completely avoid it or only minimize some aspects of it?
R: 18 / I: 1

Severe Jealousy

I don't have any skills or talents and I've never had any friends.
But even if I tried to get out there and make some, I still would end up all alone. Why?
Because seeing people having skills/talents I don't makes me seethe violently. I literally can feel my core getting heated with jealousy every time I see someone do something I can't, which can be a whole lot of things.
I try to distance myself as much as I can from them because seeing people do things I can't but wish I could is enough to ruin my whole day. Sometimes my whole week even.
Hell, even seeing a person with enough money to support their interests/hobbies is enough to fuck me up bad.

How do I even fix this? How do I stop wanting to die the moment I come across a person with skills or money?
R: 63 / I: 14

Suicides caught on camera

Please share links and footages of people suiciding and caught on camera…it would be better if it is made by teens.
Any type of suicide is okay
R: 25 / I: 1
How do you guys handle alcoholism? I'm wage-slaving at the moment and can't quite understand how to handle it.
R: 52 / I: 6

What is your point,purpose

Every action seems irrational and meaningless to me.I can't do anything.I don't have any drive motivation to do smt. Do you do all the things without purpose and still live satisfied lives?

Let's say you are a pilot and u are up in the air: what is the reason to go to your destination and not drive it somewhere else?

Basically whatever you answer to this i will then ask,what is the reason for that until the end.

For example : you go to the destination so that people don't die

Why they shouldn't die?

Because they have a rifht to live.

Why do they have a right to live?

Cuz they deserved it.

Why they deserved it?

Basically i will ask why whatever opinion u put forward,and u will get locked in the end and realize we actually do everything without a reason.because crashing the plane or reaching the destination both seem same to me when u think about reasoning?

Help me get out of this dilemma in my life ty wizzies
R: 6 / I: 1

Stuck between poor choices

Anyone else feel they have a pretty shitty family but also feel like they have no other means of surviving?
What do you choose?

>24

>pretty unmotivated(and assumed unintelligent) high school dropout
>most likely avpd or social phobia
>work experience is full time in a warehouse job I got from my uncle for a year making maybe $12/hr
>have a decent savings from this because I was to depressed and tired to buy anything

what family life is like:
>absent father who mostly works
>rest of family is "housewife" bipolar mom and brain damaged and schizophrenic brother, I hate both of them and they are slobs
>have been in charge of most "housewife" responsibilities since as young as I was able to do them
>hemorrhaging savings since everyone but me is a chainsmoker and my mom goes on spending spree's expecting me to cover the bills with my savings
>have to go to bed later than I want every night because share a room with mom and bro and they will keep me up otherwise

I have never lived alone and have no idea what it actually costs to live alone. Since I live in a rural area and have no education or connections. I feel like the only alternative to living with my family would be working minimum wage and probably living in a car or with a lot of other people.
R: 7 / I: 3
Why can't I just accept that I'm a boring, worthless person that has never and will never amount to anything in life?
Life would be so much easier if I just did.
And yet I keep clinging to false hope. "Things will change", I keep telling to myself.
Why am I like this?
R: 5 / I: 0
i wanna get out and drive my own business

unhappy and dead currently wtf is wrong hahaha

im out of funnies
R: 49 / I: 1
Anyone know of any documentaries about super depressing dead end lives that people live?

I tried looking up drug addiction stuff, but most of those people had more fulfilling lives than me so it wasn't really interesting.

I want something that will make my life look good by comparison.
R: 7 / I: 1

Suicide Note: For or Against It?

If you lost a loved one to suicide, would you want to know why they did it?

What if the reason that he did that was that he was secretly a horrible rotten person? Would it give you comfort or would you rather keep your memory of them as pure as possible?

For example, if your kid fucked people up economically, and he couldn't live with what he's done, would you want them to tell you that in a suicide letter? Would it give you some comfort in knowing a piece of shit has lost his life? Would you get some sense of closure from knowing his reasoning?
Thanks in advance to anyone who answers, this is important to me.
R: 22 / I: 3

The Abuse From Normals

First off, I entirely disagree with what is considered culturally acceptable by society: clothing style, lingo, overt sexual posturing, drug-use… I can go on. But simply by the merit of preferring things that are sophisticated: information(obviously), science, orchestral music(actual music), philosophical conversation… I am ostracized by the normaltrons. Like another user said, they make ME seem like an idiot with their high-school, name-calling bullshit! 'How ridiculous,' I think. 'Me, an idiot?! But isn't it they who speak such nonsensical, animal terminology?!' These creatures… They fight with derogatory terms instead of logic.. Why must I live amongst these animals? Understand, I wasn't conditioned by the swine of society to desire this, "fitting in." My objective was less intentive on seeking the subjection of my fellows, but by simply not being bothered by them. But now, as an adult.. I am forced to participate in their 'competition.' I have been to jail, and I have been homeless… And it is not my happiness to be surrounded by opportunistic parasites! Nay, I will compete with these pretentious bullies and hopefully overcome these monsters. My fellow wizards, graduate with me on this quest in defeating the normalswine.. they deserve no peace.
R: 34 / I: 6

I don't think I belong in this world

Every time I try to do something in the real world or even in normie places on the internet I get scolded,laughed at,ridiculed,bullied etc I just can't comprehend how humans work,how they manage to live day by day buying stupid shit all the time,working,having relationships etc.

All of this alienated me from the real world,other people look like aliens for me,I don't care about what happens in the real world anymore,I don't care about politics,the economy,the elections,COVID or anything that goes outside my own little bubble.

I think I wasn't designed for living in this world,when I watch anime or play games I look at these vast worlds full of great things or incredible people and I wish I lived in those worlds instead of this shitty world,sometimes I cry all night because I don't want to live in this horrible world that has nothing for me,but the only option is killing myself,I wish I could live in my fantasy words,I think that is extremely sad and almost criminal that the human mind is able to create these beautiful perfect worlds but we are forever doomed to watch them from outside,never indulging in our most precious fantasies.

I wish there was some kind of VR machine that plugged into our brains so people like me that just can't function in this world could enjoy our own fantasies living our perfect fantasy lives,normies that enjoy life could enjoy their shit as always if they want to,but for people like us the only solution is suicide.

This is so fucking bullshit,I never asked to be born like this,I never wanted to experience this horrible absurd world but I'm forced to,I'm forced to endure this dogshit until I die and dissolve into nothingness,this is so unfair and I'm so fucking mad at all,I wish I could live in my fantasy worlds inside my brain but I can't,and instead I'm forced to be alive in this shitty world that has nothing for me.
R: 32 / I: 2

Psychologists

How do I explain to my female psychologist that being a male virgin at the age of 28 is a telltale sign that you are not a normal adult male because there's some deep seated obvious reason that you are still a virgin?

Pic unrelated.
R: 7 / I: 0

Coping with loss of a loved one

Have you ever lost someone near and dear to you? How to cope with the feelings of sadness and gamut of emotions that one feels after that?
R: 24 / I: 1

Tulpas

I heard everyone on wizchan is genuinely unhappy
would have someone to cuddle at night help?
for me it has
I made a tulpa and she loves me tons
you can AMA I don't mind if they're even personal questions
R: 22 / I: 1
Anyone completely failing at getting a job and worried your parents will kick the bucket before you dig yourself out of the hole? Not only that but I have massive debts that I can’t even pay, it feels like my life is already over at 30. I’ve been NEET for so long that getting any job is almost impossible and I can’t even drive since I don’t know how. I’m completely fucked and have no idea what to do anymore. I’m lucky my parent is wealthy enough to support me, but for how long?
R: 309 / I: 33

Depression Crawl Thread XXXI

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
R: 14 / I: 1
My grandmother is about to die. I will be able to talk to her a few times before she passes but I'm not sure what I want to tell her.

What you would you say if one of your close relatives was about to die?
R: 13 / I: 5

Stimulants for productivity

What is your experience with using stimulants for productivity? I mean proper stims like amphetamine, methylphenidate, other ADHD meds, etc. While I can't get these drugs easily I can order research chemical stimulants that are chemically similar to these drugs, for example the image is a picture of 2-FMA, which reddit says is better than Adderall for productivity. I've never used RCs though, I only used Adderall in high school briefly but my psychiatrist stopped prescribing it after I overdosed on heroin (long story, clean now). Last year I managed to get Vyvanse prescribed for a month, but it didn't help nearly as much as Adderall, I was still unfocused and unproductivive, I even took 5x more than I was prescribed, 20mg to 100mg, and it still didn't motivate me to do anything, it just made me feel more awake. Sometimes I think my brain is literally damaged and I will never do anything meaningful or enjoy living. Anyways, what are your experiences with stimulants for productivity and focus?
R: 3 / I: 0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_siJRgDlddY

It's the tenth time i hear this song today.
I thought i'd never feel bad like this again. I can feel shivers down my spine and senseless fear just for being alive. Immense will to cry but seems like i've no tears.
Yet i look in the mirror and see a nice body and have a nice job still another year alone at home. But that's not what concerns me, actually, i don't know what it is.
Just wanted to talk to someone. Already grabbed my pistol with deep breaths a lot of times too.
I used to feel like this like 10 years ago. Thought getting a job i'd get friends, a girlfriend which would change my life, thought getting more and more active on sports would give me enough serotonin to carry on, a car to ride away… The years pass by but nothing seems to change.
Seems like everything i do different it's a way to run away from my ghosts but they always find me back.
R: 50 / I: 5

Weird Mentality

I was born with weird mentality. I give you few examples of it.

1. When they bullied me at school, sometimes I thought in my mind that perhaps they have reason for it and it may be partly my fault.
2. When they insulted me at school I did nothing about it, because I thought that if I want to push somebody in the face then I must have good reason for it and being insulted is not enough a reason. I couldnt in most cases insult back thanks to social phobia.
3. Teachers were mad at me when I were fighting with my bully few times at elementary school, so thanks to that I thought that I must avoid fighting with bullies no matter what, because teachers wont like it. So, after elementary school I practically havent fight with anybody, despite being bullied in every school I went to.
4. If somebody told me that I have to do something, the way he wants I did it (even if when in my mind I knew that I should do what I want instead of listening to some moron). If I did what somebody ordered me to do and I didnt like it, then in my mind I was insulting the guy who gave me order (I was calling him moron or something like that)
5. In the middle school even smaller guys than me bullied me, because of me being brainwashed by the teachers that fighting agaisnt bully is bad.
I m ashamed of that.
6. Lots of people yelled at me, mostly for no reason, just because they were frustrated. In the adulthood - I understood - thats just their mentality, which I dont have.
7. When I graduated from middle school, then I wanted to choose high school, but my mother recommended me other highschool, so I did what she wanted me to do and after years I was mad at her, because I could choose better highschool with better people, instead of listening to her.


Everything went so wrong… What do you think about me?
R: 12 / I: 2

Misery

Sorry for the new thread wizzies I looked for the former one but couldn't find it.
If anyone remembers I made a thread 3 months ago about me going back to highschool and some of you suggested that It'd be better to go back so I did. (It was a very difficult decision to make tbh because in my country you can't even get a GED and join college you must take the normal high school way to get the diploma. And because I'm much older than the average high school student they didn't allow me to go to class and I have to study from home which is better. The problem is though I can't bring myself to memorize stuff and/or concentrate when solving psychics questions and it gets boring very quickly.
Also I get disappointed and demotivated when I think about my age I should've done that 5-6 years ago. My exams are due in 5 months and I have to pass them.
College degree is necessary in my country to even get a wageslave job and my parents are old and sick so it's not even a choice for me anymore to not join college.
This is my last chance to secure a minimal existence for myself in a few years from now or else I'll have to press the exit button in five months.
Do you wizzies have any tips for me ? How can I not get bored and lose "motivation" so fast?
Thanks in advance.
R: 24 / I: 6

Shielding the mind

What tactics do you have for blocking the world out and protecting your mind? Protecting from hostile people, a hostile environment, your own emotions, and so on?

I have spent a long time training compassion for others and acceptance of emotions and it has not helped, it has made me weak. Please post videos or content that can help story caring, dismissing and devaluing normans, and protecting the mind from the world. All coping mechanisms welcome. It doesn't matter if it's true as long as it works.
R: 5 / I: 0

Do i have depression or is it some existential crisis or some middle age crisis?

So basically i rarely wanna get up from bed in the morning, only because of annoying chores, like i wish i'd just sleep till the next anime episode, then go back to sleep, that's how i feel. but i can't because no matter how high i get my body just won't let me sleep longer than 12 to 13 hours, and then during the day and especially toward evening i'm impatient to take a bunch of sleeping pills and peacefully dose of into oblivion. it's pretty sad but is it depression? anyone experienced this before?
R: 85 / I: 6

At what age can you not turn your life around?

>29
>worthless polisci degree (2015)
>didn't work a job until 24
>have had 14 jobs and quit them all within a year or less
>haven't worked more than 2 months at a job since almost 2 years ago
>live at home, never paid rent
>never made more than 16/hr doing almost entirely what amounts to stocking shelves in grocery stores
>schizoid
>misanthropic
>lack the natural affect and social fluidity that makes interactions with people smooth due to years of isolation
>can't stand interacting with people in a professional way
>get really anxious, feel panicky, etc
I got a job where I had to go into 711's, convenience stores, etc and talk to the store managers about shelf space for our candy bars and buying displays. I couldn't handle it. The idea of having to ingratiate and grovel to someone i don't want to talk to so some anonymous faggot company can make more profit just made me so angry. I ghosted after 2 weeks of training and one week of sitting in my car outside the stores to spoof the companies GPS on our tablet.

Is it over? Should I just move to some small town in the midwest and stock shelves at the local grocery store and hide from the vicious judgement and shame of the east coast yuppies who i was supposed to be a part of?
R: 24 / I: 2
Imagine you didn't have any mental illnesses. No, I want you to actually imagine it. Imagine you could actually just do whatever you want. Imagine you had motivation to accomplish anything you wanted in life. Imagine you didn't care what people thought of you and you just exuded a confidence about anything you did. Imagine you woke up every day glad to be alive. The entire world would be yours. You could do anything you wanted. Imagine what it would like to just be normal. It seems so freeing.
R: 9 / I: 0
Man I don’t want to hear the voices anymore, I don’t want to hear the voices anymore, I don’t want to hear the voices anymore.

I
Am
Tired
Of
This
Life
I
Need
To
Die
In
My
Sleep
Now
Good
Bye

Gn
R: 16 / I: 2

fasting,ice showers?hacking the brain

How can I hack my brain out of depression?

"It would indeed be extraordinary if - alone among the neurotransmitter systems of the brain - the endogenous opioid families were immune from dysfunction. Enkephalins are critical to "basal hedonic tone" i.e. whether we naturally feel happy or sad. Yet the therapeutic implications of a recognition that dysfunctional endogenous opioid systems underlie a spectrum of anxiety-disorders and depression are too radical - at present - for the medical establishment to contemplate. In consequence, the use of opioid-based pharmacotherapies for "psychological" pain is officially taboo. The unique efficacy of opioids in banishing mental distress is neglected. Their unrivalled efficacy in treating "physical" nociceptive pain is grudgingly accepted."

im considering fasting and two very long icy showers a day. I would eat high meat as only food,but as long as my parents are around I cant put meat in a jars and eat it when its "rotten"
foods,supplements,keep it legal,but share your advice.
R: 25 / I: 1
i have never left my country before (Denmark) well technically i did but that was RIGHT across the border to sweden and germany, so i don't really count it.
I want to travel and see something new but my anxiety is extremely bad and i often have to shit like crazy when i do something new. Like last year i had to go to the capital and on the way there i had to drive over to shit on the side of the road.
anyone else have it like me?
R: 17 / I: 4

Anxiety Thread

I've been suffering from terrible anxiety for the past seven years now. Initially I was anxious about particular things, now it's just about everything, a constant feeling, the only solutions I can think of for myself are being almost permanently intoxicated or suicide. I'm just trying to push through it and still do the things I need to do rather than get paralysed by it because that won't help.

I primarily suffer from anxiety rather than depression or anhedonia, I experience the second two as a result of the first. I just thought I'd make a thread about this as there doesn't seem to be as many posts about it compared to depression or anhedonia.

Anybody else going through something similar?
R: 3 / I: 0

Repeatability of life

I think about my life and I realized something.
Years 2008-2009 were the worst years of my life. But 2010 was much better than 2008-2009.

At the end of the 2020 year I realized that 2018-2019 were very terrible to me (just like 2008-2009). Just exactly 10 years passed and history repeated themself. Yet 2020 year was much better. In years 2018-2019 I had terrible job - I felt so exhausted both mentally and physically. Now I have a job that isnt that much tiring like my previous job.

I wonder - was it just a coincidence or life does keep on repeating - if 2018-2019 years were tragic - will the years 2028-2029 be tragic too?
R: 84 / I: 8

I tried it all

And none of it works.
Exercise, diet, sleep, hobbies.
Gimmicky shit like cold baths, not masturbating, 'meditation'.

Amount of time spent doing them isn't even an issue, I've been fit and healthy for years.
None of it works.
I still wake up everyday, barely crawling, wanting to kms but never having the balls to go through with it.

It doesn't help, but it's this bullshit is the only advice people give… There's no step past this.
R: 82 / I: 9

wizards good in gods eyes

if this is true, wizards will go right to heaven. especially neet wizards. we have nothing to be prideful for.
R: 47 / I: 5

Anhedonia

How do I get rid of this? It is driving me insane. It has been getting worse every year and now I am at a point where I no longer enjoy anything. And I see no way out, I see only how it will get worse. But I am tired of living like this.

Is there a way out of anhedonia?
R: 17 / I: 2
For the past 3-4 years I have not even been able to enjoy playing video games or watching movies/anime, and I think the past 1-2 I have not even had a sex drive so I can't even enjoy masturbating.

The light is fading, I feel like the next logical step in my life is suicide. I have been simply just patiently waiting to die for years.
R: 18 / I: 3
I feel like i'm a miscreation , like i'm an abomination something that shouldn't be, i feel angry and i'm in dispair, i hate life and i hate humanity, people are poison and humanity a disease if god was real he wouldn't have made me Intelligent design is a farce most things are freaks of nature, mistakes that just wither and die

How on Earth are people maintaining even a quantum of happiness?
I find it unfathomable.

Jokes.
>:) hahahaha le unexpected twist xDDD
Once you heard 1000 jokes, the 1001st joke is not going to be very funny. Most jokes are derivative and predictable. John Cleese of Monty Python confirms this. His life evolved around comedy and now every joke is old and stale to him. Nevertheless most people seem to laugh at the most inane stories.

Work.
>will give you purpose
95% of jobs in 1st world countries are pointless bullshit jobs. I worked as a software programmer, helped get 2 startups off the ground. It wasn't fulfilling at all. Most software is either dumbing down the population, sucks the life out of users with dopamine treadmills (games, news, …) or replaces jobs, which are supposedly required for a fulfilling life.

Children.
>pass on le values to your kids :)
>We must procreate because.
Overpopulation is the humanity's #1 problem. Every species, that faced a population explosion like humans did in the last 200 years, ended badly. Somehow most people seem to think infinite growth is possible on a finite planet with finite space and resources. They seem to be prisoners of oxytocin, the "love" hormone that's especially strong in mothers. Yes, a child will keep you occupied and managing to raise it well is an accomplishment, however it does not solve anything at all. You're just passing along the problem to a new generation, creating new suffering.

Is it just me? I was told I wasn't stupid by some. After all, I managed to obtain a degree in. Probably not very smart, but not stupid either by society's standards. Still, I feel dumb, because….
Ever encountered wild animals, like a deer? It doesn't seem to suffer from existential questions, and doesn't appear to be less happy without Facebook, the latest mass-produced movies, or a car.

Human consciousness seems like a disease that holds us hostage, and humans are suffering from Stockholm syndrome.
R: 3 / I: 1
Going out at -30 celcius, windy, drive to the woods, as far as possible, nobody around to "save you" and turn your life into an amputated freak, get super super drunk, undress, start walking, alcohol makes it not feel cold, feeling sleepy, lay down for a bit…. blissful peaceful sleep, no more pain, no more sorrow, closest thing to heaven if that kiddy bullshit even existed. How feasible is such a way to go?
R: 22 / I: 2

Mother hate

My mother is such a stupid oblivious incompetent cunt, i fuckin hate her

She doesn't have a fuckin clue about anything she just walks around with her fuckin head up her ass
She doesn't understand when people don't like her or want to talk to her, she constantly fucks everything up

She drank durning pregnancy and she doesn't even have a clue, i addressed it but she just blatantly ignores it like everything in her life.

No wonder i'm a complete retard with a dimwit of a mother, i want to hurt her but i can't and i have to prentend i tolerate her.
I need to find a job and move out asap and break contact, first i need to do some job training it takes too much time
R: 25 / I: 1
I am in fucking army of r*ssia for 6 months already.
Imagine if you're forced to wake up by the same exact time, do the same exact bullshit, get screamed at for someone else's faults, hang around normalfags 24/7 without ANY opportunity to be alone, and everyone thinks you are the retard.
Fun facts: we dont have a store to buy shit, our cards are locked away from us so some cunt can just steal your money, normal phones and Internet are forbidden, and we MIGHT get access to 2000-s tier phone in the end of the week. And we also get paid (probably) 2000 in local currency (30-ish dollars) per month.
R: 198 / I: 8

Anti-Depressants

Anyone here tried those? What did they do.

My shrink prescribed me Wellbutrin for fatigue which I took for 3 months or so, but they didn't do shit except reduce nicotine cravings. Apparently it's also prescribed for smoking cessation for which it worked wonders actually.
Shrink didn't want to prescribe me other AD's because those have heavier side effects and she thinks it wouldn't be worth it since they usually make fatigue worse and are more for anxiouspatients.

I also tried a bunch of nootropics, but none of those did anything. If you have experience, share those aswell
R: 13 / I: 2

Brain Damage

Is there a more hellish existence than having any sort of brain damage? Every time I watch or read something on memory loss or other brain related illnesses I am horrified beyond belief. Imagine being born every 7-10 seconds like in this documentary, knowing absolutely nothing about where you are, who you are speaking with, what age you are, seeing a human being for the first time all over again. "No dreams, no difference between night or day, it's like being dead".

If you can't remember something, did it even happen at all?
R: 19 / I: 1
My parents are getting older by the day. My mom is 61 and my dad is 65 and I still live with them. It's been recently crossing my mind lately that they're going to die eventually and then I will no longer be able to rely on them for food and housing. Is there anyway a /dep/ user can prepare to live on my own despite me having absolutely no real world skills? I've been working a wage slave job without a college degree ever since I left high school.
R: 22 / I: 0

Increase your chances to have Cancer

Cancer seems to be the most painful chronic disease that someone can have. Its pain may last for enough long time, and its treatment, if it ever works, is even more painful. So how to increase your chances to have Cancer, given the fact that the radioactive solution is not available, technically I am far away from any Radioactivity zone.
R: 5 / I: 1

edgy degenerate

How i do stop being a complete edgelord? most conversations i have devolves into goth tier loathing and in the few voice chats i tried forcing myself to join i could only say slurs and make everyone mad at me. at least part of it is due to the fact that one of my only dopamine sources is unironically watching gore videos and sometimes masturbating to dead succubi. i have practically no social skills and im a dead end autistic schizo loser who is quite possibly the ugliest scariest most boring man alive. any ideas? thanks.
R: 16 / I: 1

Covert Automutilation

I want to induce severe physical pain unto my flesh as to distract from my mental suffering. I dont want scars to attentionwhore with cause Im not a foid. Scarless automutiliation requires creativity and maybe you have good ideas.



Ive already tried holding tightly ice cubes in hands. Not satisfactory at all.



I really want for a long time to set myself on fire. But this is hard to do without receiving on lookers. And it gets scars. I thought about making small campfire and standing in it with my legs. That be sweet though I dont want to seek medical attention for burn wounds on my legs. How can you prevent damage that goes to the extent of necessitating of requering medical attention. Any salves I can smear on my legs after or treat it myself?



Besides immolation I would love to stab a pocket knife in my stomach. That would under aforementioned conditions not be possible sadly.



Any ideas on dyi dealing with burn wounds on my legs and other covert selfharm tactics?
R: 37 / I: 5

Videogame Addiction

How many of you get addicted to video games in an unhealthy way? I quit for a while, but lately I often end up playing League of Legends all day and I don't really enjoy it most of the time. It often upsets me and makes me feel angry or depressed due to the toxic community and losing games. The problem is that I don't currently have a job, and there isn't anything much entertaining on the internet anymore, so I just end up playing league all day and then getting mad if I don't win.

I have some other hobbies but usually they only fill up a few hours of the day, I haven't found anything that fills up the entire day like video games can. For example I read, go for walks, practice piano, and watch movies/anime, but a lot of the time I can't find things to read or watch that hold my interest, and going for a walk or playing piano usually only eats up an hour or two of time. The only time I quit my gaming addiction was when I was more busy and had things to do such as working and college and then going to the gym, but covid shutdown in my area shut all of those things down. I take college classes but due to covid they are all online and it doesn't take much time to finish all the assignments each week.

Anyone here quit gaming? How do you fill the hours of a day that you used to play videogames?
R: 20 / I: 0

Generalized Anxiety Disorder[GAD]

Does anyone else have a persistent fear/anxiety where the mind constantly worries about any and all things? In my case, it has come to a point where I am feeling very afraid today despite no reason. Being happy or in a relaxed state has become a dream now.

An article on GAD as well: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/generalized-anxiety-disorder-gad.htm
R: 94 / I: 11

BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)

Anyone else here living with BPD?
I also have depression (they're co-occurring many times) but in a way I feel that BPD is way more life-wrecking for me than depression.
At least when I have depression I find some sort of dark solace, with BPD it's like everything is unbearable.
R: 10 / I: 0

Do you think you’d be posting here if you were never bullied?

When I look at my current worldview and personality (avoidant personality, social anxiety, worried about my looks, anti-natalist, depressed, tired, and angry), I can trace all of these to having been bullied. A couple of them have other origins other than bullying, but all of them were either created or hugely exacerbated by me having been bullied. And I think that I honestly wouldn’t post here or spend any time here if I wasn’t the way I am, because in all honesty I probably would’ve turned out a normie (I have a NVLD so I wouldn’t have been a complete normie, but still). And I wouldn’t be anywhere near the person I am today without the above-listed qualities, which largely stem from bullying. So, what about you? Is having been bullied affected who you are in such an extreme way that if you hadn’t endured it, you wouldn’t post here?
R: 13 / I: 0

Escape!

I always wanted to escape, but when I was a kid, I never knew where I should go. Now, I do…
Regardless of what some of you may think, I am talking about the wise ones, the philosophers and maybe these authors and poets who have a tendancy to include their philosophical perspective into their writings, I had always read, that mankind was forever doomed to escape. There is always a thing, whether abstract or concrete, for man to escape, whether it is time, whether it is the past or whether it is its own reality, we are undeniably compiled, programmed, made, crafted to escape something that we would not feel okay with it, in a infinite race against these things we try to escape. I passed all my life, carrying over my back, the faults and responsibilities of others, my family, as well as my "friends" (which I got rid of recently because I figured out they were a real waste of time). I was always the Fix-it-Felix guy, whether it is in a chore, or in a test or even in a relationship, the same process of carrying the faults of others was constantly present, and I tried to ease things around till I feel like I exploded. I figured out that this decision of my life, to let go everything was the only reasonable thing I ever did, I am giving up on my studies, I am giving up on my relationships, I am giving up on these people I knew, I am giving up on my hobbies, as well as many characteristics I used to have(such as the will to compete with others in anything, toilsome and hard-work), I am letting off anything that used to be around me or even a part of me. All I care about right now is one, single, unique thing all my body and soul are determined to do…… I want to escape to TIBET…
This may look crazy for a lot of you, but hey, this is the Chan of weird, depressing, abnormal things, otherwise I would've told normalfags expecting the same reaction of surprise I would've get if this was not actually the Clan of the worst people on planet. Just as I said, yes I want to escape to TIBET.
I want to find a way to go there, I would like to tell you about my plans there, but I surely don't want this thread to be found by the wrong people, the only thing I can say about it, is that I am going to a meditating journey, if can anyone of you, actually find a good plan for me to achieve my will, may he have my benediction forever, because he would've saved a soul from the Jaws and crawls of depression, a depression caused by the none stop stress I am living, and to the heavy impact these modern technologies are having on our souls which I am totally aware of
R: 14 / I: 0

on whether to continue this hikki neet life

I was meditating upon the subject for a while and this is the conclusion I have to come to "to wish to live you must wish to die" wishing to live in the sense of "really living" you can't keep running and be safe in your castle, it's a rather colourless way to live one with no variations, very grey.

I mean 2 different things when I say "live and alive, "to "wish to live" you must "wish to die" that is to say wish to encounter your worst fear or whatever you have ran away from to hide in your castle, it's the only way to get colour, to embrace life you must embrace death, I do not mean this in a literal sense I mean life as in the positive aspects and death as in the hurdles and fears, one cannot exist without the other, you guys probably know all this stuff already though being able to identify if something is optimal doesn't mean you are incentivised or willing to enact it.

it seems there are 2 choices to continue this grey lifestyle or to try and do something.

this post probably sounds severely schizophrenic and I doubt I was able to get my point across, all of this was inspired by a chat with a former hikkineet I had, I will keep you lads in my prayers.
R: 107 / I: 14

negative feedback loop


I'm certain of failing and the smallest resistance that pops up in anything I try, be it reading books, trying to teach myself anything really, causes despair and I fall back into my old habits which can last for weeks, months in which I feel completely numb, only browsing imageboards and switching through my steam library without playing any games.
The fear has gotten so intense that I don't do anything.

I have over 1000 books on my hard drive, but barely read 5 of them, I have over 30 games in my steam library, but haven't played any games at all since 2018 or so. Listening to music, the most passive activity of them all, I always try to achieve some sense of piece and tranquility which I never get.

I can't remember when was last time I have had any clear thoughts and real goals or even enjoyed merely consuming something.
It looks like I'm just not made to function. I'm experiencing some kind of information overload.
I always feel an immense hatred at myself.
R: 10 / I: 1
/dep/ music thread

original original original original original original original original original original original original
R: 15 / I: 3

Thought experiment

Death knocks on your door. You're guaranteed a painless, concsiousless, peaceful death in 24 hours. You get to pick and do whatever you want no matter how unrealistic it is, while you wait for your death.

You're in your own paradise and you hit the 24 hour mark. Death comes again.

>are you ready to go wizard? You can get a peaceful death now; or you could stay on earth and try to achieve this paradise but your death will be uncertain and maybe chaotic


What would you do and why?
R: 8 / I: 1

The deadliest and yet the easiest and the least painful homemade poison

Yeah as it says…..i am too depressed to write more
EDIT : it told me that spells should be at least 75 chars. so here i am … just writing staff to ….. you got it
R: 17 / I: 1
Why do we feel sad when someone dies? Isn't it good that they are now at peace? Isn't suffering through life a worse form of punishment than death?
R: 1 / I: 0

Suicide information resources

Links to the Peaceful Pill eHandbook (PDF) by euthanasia organization Exit International.
Edition March 2020.

https://anonfiles.com/z9a4x9kao5/peaceful_pill_ehandbook_2020
https://mega.nz/folder/T41iGCjJ#4I9geC8Xnx74AAZmQZTYcQ


Other helpful sites:

https://suicide.wiki/w/Main_Page (Wiki)
https://sanctionedsuicide.com/forums/suicide-discussion.2/ (Forum)
https://lostallhope.com/ (Info)
R: 52 / I: 8
I'm officially a wizard as of today… I kept putting off when I would finally do myself in… I want to say I'll do it now… I probably won't and will keep on living miserably…
R: 305 / I: 42

Suicide General

The last suicide general has hit the bump limit. Previous thread >>226293
R: 2 / I: 0

not enjoying things anymore

I haven't played video games in years
I don't watch new movies, but sometimes watch old ones (nostalgia?). But I'm getting bored of old movies too since I've seen them so many times
the internet was my last resort, the only thing that never failed me…
But now I'm getting bored of that too. I don't post in any forum or imageboard anymore except here, and even here I only come around twice a month, read a bunch of posts for 2 hours, and then forget about it again for the next few weeks. Then I suddenly remember and come back out of curiosity.
It has come to a point where I spend most of the day watching youtube or reading wikipedia
R: 64 / I: 5

Ever take revenge on a bully?

How did it go? Or maybe you were a bully yourself, though I doubt it.

Getting bullied destroyed my life. I’d definitely rather be a wizard with a spine than some sexhaving bullying victim.
R: 85 / I: 2
Christians say that you should fear Hell after death, but we are already living in Hell right now.
R: 22 / I: 6

"YOU MUST HATE YOUR LIFE SINCE YOURE PLAYING THE GAME TOO!"

I'm not interested in the rat race and I just want to be left alone. I can't stand when normies make fun of me for being ugly. They assume I'm a virgin(correct) but what they don't know is I don't try. I'm not at all interested in being in a relationship with a female. It's like someone laughing at you for losing a race you were never in. It happens all the time and it's frustrating as hell. I don't want the attention. I've been called *ncel before because I'm ugly and simply exist. When I do tell these people I'm not interested in relationships they say "Sour grapes". Some in my own family judge me for still being a virgin, they think I'm a creepy loser. I wish I was attractive so that people would leave me the hell alone and stop being so judgmental.
R: 28 / I: 3

NEET option poll/advice.

What would you choose:
Full time wagie till pension. salary is average, not high not low. enough for all needs but also extra leftover for consumerism like junk food, vacations, hobby toys, gadgets etc.
or..
NEET till pension. government paid. enough for basic needs. healthy diet, nothing fancy neither lacking in nutrition. not much leftovers. internet and all basic amenities in a gov subsidized apartment.
choose.
R: 29 / I: 2

work

So who is thinking about killing themselfes because they cant find work? I lost 3 jobs in the last 5 years because i am such an idiot and where manic. All 3 jobs were pretty good one i evend loved, but fuck it, i am searching now since september last year, so i had a testweek as a forklift driver last week the day before i was anxiety ridden and couldnt sleep, i had to wake up at 4:40 and didnt sleep even a minute so i drive there with the train and all i think is i will just faint there it was hell, they show me the place to work like a big firm and all i can say is just yeah ok and yes because i am tired as fuck, later they show me the forklift, i am still thinking about leaving, i get in and start pretty comfy i have to say, its like a forklift with sideforks to carry woodpacks, some other guy shows me some stuff it was pretty ok i have to say, i was there 1 week was pretty good, stress but still. Now they call me they found someone else, sitting here with my beers now back to where i am always in despair, in those 5 years i lost 3 jobs i was like 3 years neet i cant take it anymore i am getting older (am 28 right now) and nobody will ever want some sperg who has some many age gapes in his resume even when i just search for labour work, what should i do try to claim benefits for anxiety or just kill myself, work and money was always the thing in my life that gave me comfort, sitting at home rottting with little money i cant stand, i have like 4000 euros credit stuff too i have too pay, it feels like no way out i am in a anxiety ridden hell and only thing left is to kill myself, dont even get me started with shit like no friends and stuf i cant even think about shit like that right now. thanks for reading my rant
R: 7 / I: 0
Let's say you were born with an abusive, drug user older brother, he influenced you and hampered you and you grew up to be a damaged faggot. Not only that but he was very evil to your dad to the point he got ill due to depression and died slowly. You're too poor to move from your parents house and your brother keeps being an annoying piece of shit after your father died. What would you do in this hypothesis? Would you hypothetically kill your brother and kill yourself after, because your life is barely enjoyable anymore and you want to make him pay for what he did to your dad and to yourself, hypothetically? Or would you keep living and trying your best to ignore him and survive the suffering that causes, until you can move out and leave him to rot with his mother? Just wondering, just an hypothesis, none of this is real, of course.
R: 4 / I: 1

Ending it please help

Was hoping you guys could give me some good lists of helium tanks and tips for building a good exit bag. Thanks
R: 7 / I: 0

Wizard existential crisis

I am having an existential crisis.

On one hand, I've come to the conclusion that life has no inherent meaning or value. It is better to not be than to be. This way of thought is tightly tied to death, pessimism and "unexistance". My beliefs on this are strong and unshaken.

On the other hand, I am still a human being. I am afraid of death. I've almost died countless times. But when death is approaching I want to live and not die.

If life has no meaning and circumstances keep me from dying then why not just do whatever I want until death embraces me? HERE is my problem. I'm an alcoholic drug fiend. The most obvious thing is to go back to using but I am scared of getting another hit. I've been genuinely sober for a while and BEING sober I am facing homelesness, poverty and jail time. Also I am legally crazy but so is everyone here. If I snap one more time I am guaranteed jail time or long term mental institutions (again).
R: 11 / I: 1

Dreaming of Fire

I've been dreaming lately. Of burning myself to death. Finally cleansed & full of bliss.

Throughout history, self-immolation has been a symbolic tool of protest. To make a martyr of oneself by way of flame is a powerful image. It speaks to our souls, our collective, animal unconscious, evolved to know and respect the strength of fire. Nobody could possibly deny that the one who does it was lacking in conviction. To do so would be.. mad. Those who chose this path in protesting the Soviet Bloc sparked the match of change. Thích Qu?ng Ð?c became immortal when he sacrificed himself for his people, his purpose.

I am nearing my end. I have no purpose in this plane, nothing but pain and loneliness. I see where this leads. I'm not doing the NEET for life thing. A dozen or more years of that is dementing me. Making me sicker than I already was. And I have no path out. Futile words of hope, encouragement and future fulfilment will not avail you here. Save them for the worthy, and the young.

I dream of elaborating hours of my idiosyncratic thought & knowledge on how this species and their planet are doomed, making Ted K and Yuri B look like kindergarten class. Then, with eyeballs and cameras on me, sacrificing myself for all your sins. All of you. In a way none of you will forget. Making myself the most effective modern symbol & dialectic there is; a meme.

I have realized that my death is where my purpose will come from. In death I will become a symbol. In death I can say far more than I can ever say in life. In death there is no reason to be afraid. In death there is no pain. It is through the door of the void that I will find my redemption.

Well, it's a dream anyway.
Alas, the simplicity of the rope beckons.
Goodnight all.
R: 84 / I: 14

Internet is too cringeworthy

Anyone else have trouble looking at the internet now? all this lame cancel culture, me: nobody:, ya'll,dont say the n word, am i a joke to you? templated phrases for the cattle to fall under and whites trying to talk like blacks. censorship is the worst i've ever seen it at. everything can get you banned and your chance at a future ruined, they can dig up you saying the word fag 8 years ago and unironically ruin your life with the help of mega corporations while posting the same 5 images of kpop and being passive aggressive/smug. it is like being in a daycare of retarded children hitting you and not being able to talk shit to them, or am i just losing my mind and/or jaded?
R: 16 / I: 1
How do you cope with being ugly? For me every hope of having a normal teenagehood was shattered by outbursts of acne which made my face an unsightly mess. succubi always mocked me for something i didn't choose and guys treated me with indifference at best, and even in my 20s I still have visible scars on my cheeks, in short I never had a clean face since i was 10. But even if the scars were to magically disappear overnight I don't think I'll ever psychologically recover because the damage is already done. Are there any other unattractive wizards who chose to make nature a favor by not reproducing?