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/dep/ - Depression

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R: 5 / I: 0
>ugly
>mom told me to get a hair cut because I'll look better
>Got it anyway to have an I told you so moment
>Hair cut finished
>She sees me
>She resisted the urge to laugh

Ahuh
R: 17 / I: 5
I used to cut myself but my parents forced me to stop.

Now I make maps to keep myself from committing suicide.

What do you guys do
R: 165 / I: 16

Depression Crawl Thread LXV

Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
Previous: >>290006
R: 107 / I: 13

Why do you act like a woman?

You always make threads of "I will never be pretty enough", "I will never have a job because I am ugly", "I am horrible :(". Everything related to physical appearance, and complexes. The truth is already unpleasant, and pathetic that men , and especially chaste men, give importance to something as trivial as appearance.
R: 14 / I: 3

How did you get to this point?

Summarize how you ended up here and what you think your future looks like. I'm asking because the derealization and overall depression is creeping up again.
R: 5 / I: 1
>Be my father
>5'11 Chad but he goes bald at an early age
>Reject the blonde chick who wants to marry him
>Realize that no succubus loves him anymore
>Marry a second cousin
>fast forward to today
>Be me
>5'6, inbred and in the early stages of balding

Should I kill my father?
R: 18 / I: 2

Family feels entitled to respect without giving it

Those in the older, successful and beloved part of the family seems to demand respect from those "beneath" them.
Yet they feel no need to respect anyone and blatantly disrespect and violate boundaries.
However, if you dare to return this behavior in kind, they will act like you are the one in the wrong.

Your sibling keeps pranking and annoy you, tell them you had enough, everyone just dismiss you telling you to learn to take a joke. Eventually when you snap and beat your sibling. Your parents will lecture you how this is not an acceptable response to someone merely pranking you, completely dismissing that this response was provoked. Then force you to apologize to the one provoking you!

Your parents berate you for failing the first year of uni, they even suggest that maybe you just too dumb and should dropout. You retort with that you don't care about the opinions of some high school dropouts and they can shove their opinions up their asses. You get told you have a horrible attitude, if you keep this up no one will bother to criticize and steer you in the right direction in the future.

I don't care what they think, if they won't respect me, I won't respect them. Who needs their dumb advice anyway? I can figure things out on my own. If they can berate and call you names, you can do the same thing to them.
R: 136 / I: 10

Wageslave General

getting angry, getting frustrated edition

previous >>285492
R: 9 / I: 1

Sucide with no revenge

I'm genuinely asking to understand the mindset of a person who solely seek death
R: 196 / I: 33

Death of the Uncool

Death of the Uncool - End of the Wizards V

Watching Geekdom get absorbed into the monoculture over the last decade (and then some) has been a pretty demoralising experience.

Part of the process of commodification, streamlining and assimilation of geek culture into the all-consuming monoculture, is distortion and erasure of the original.

"These would be the successive phases of the image:

1 It is the reflection of a basic reality.

2 It masks and perverts a basic reality.

3 It masks the absence of a basic reality.

4 It bears no relation to any reality whatever: it is its own pure simulacrum.

In the first case, the image is a good appearance: the representation is of the order of sacrament. In the second, it is an evil appearance: of the order of malefice. In the third, it plays at being an appearance: it is of the order of sorcery. In the fourth, it is no longer in the order of appearance at all, but of simulation."

I'm probably using Baudrillard wrong, but I think we're either between phase 2 and 3 or on phase 3. We're at the point where we have "gamers" who don't like videogames as the faces of videogames.
R: 2 / I: 0

hole

Today I sat down. I thought about that definition of reality: "Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, does not go away."
The broader ontological consequences of this definition will be collapsed into the personal dimensions of the crisis of my life.
I've been up. I've been down. At one time I had a keen awareness of the transience of these states; at another time, I held the grave conviction that such states would last me the rest of my life.
In each case, these states came to pass.
So once I was midst-flight, knowing in the back of my mind that I could not soar above the earth and all my problems forever. I knew that a stone's fate was to fall when thrown.
And once I had fallen - fallen into what the ancient Germanics called "der hoelle", or "hell", or "hole" - and lain there, I felt entombed by my fate.
In each case, these states came to pass.

So the only thing that remained constant - was real - was the mutability of existence and perception.

>"I hope it does, he thought, see clearly, because I can't any longer these days see into myself. I see only murk. Murk outside; murk inside. I hope, for everyone's sake, the scanners do better. Because, he thought, if the scanner sees only darkly, the way I myself do, then we are cursed, cursed again and like we have been continually, and we'll wind up dead this way, knowing very little and getting that little fragment wrong too."


Yesterday, while lying on the floor in the middle of the night, I observed within myself something strange. As I was slowly released from the grips of another depressive episode, I felt some strange yearning to return to the same low down place I was in. I wanted my sorrows back, even as the imprints they left on my psyche faded. What would cause someone to go looking for pain? There's a kind of certitude that comes with being at the bottom of the hole, certainty in one's own fate and the harshness of the world. Perhaps I wanted that security.

Maybe my life has been one long fall backwards into the grave. Then what do I say about reality, and what of my shifting perceptions of reality? Maybe there is only the fall, that's the only reality there is. Any future I dreamed up for myself, whether pleasant or nightmarish, would have been a convenient fabrication. I can read this or any of my other ruminations back to myself, and sometimes they will seem cogent and other times they won't. The way it's written, it seems to posit itself as some kind of logical undertaking, or something that is probing at the truth of things; I'll make it clear that no such thing is taking place. These are observations, dim observations, very common sense and unlearned observations, and I though I can see myself fumbling around in the dark (which doesn't make sense - seeing in the dark?), I cannot take the logical steps required to gain a greater understanding. I only know what I know: I am in a hole, I got in at one point, I'm not getting out any time soon.
R: 5 / I: 1

the parasytes

>almost a wizard
>imigrant
>NEET
>leech of state
>loser
my life was a mistake. You may post in this thread if you are also all of these
R: 2 / I: 1
i have strange urges when i watch lights flicker on the screen. they do it so smoothly and nicely. i feel like i want to flicker with them but i can't.

what the fuck, jesus christ
R: 155 / I: 13

Suicide General - Long Cold Sleep

Suicide general, - Discuss everything suicide related here.
R: 26 / I: 3

Coom defenders are wrong

This place is swarming lately with fools who still yearn about fapping being natural and good, probably demonic kwiifarmers who got bruised as hell by some random stuff here.

The userbase should really wake the F up, so these psychos rot even worse knowing we are not fall into ignorance about this.
R: 59 / I: 6

The menace of the human female

Why are there female apologists here, on the only website dedicated to wizardly endeavors, the only place on the internet that defends and respects male celibacy of all places?

Females are the origin of all our suffering and all the suffering of the collective human race, proven by the irrefutable fact of their unique role as stinky fuck holes that shit out children for their personal selfish enjoyment, desire, status and primal urge.

To them in their self serving justification, children should be grateful, but in reality females have to carefully conceal their sadistic, uncaring and casual indifference in their role of throwing a baby into this evil society to be logs of worthless shit, helplessly abused, used up and treated like disposable trash to be thrown away once they no longer have value.

Females are the bane of all wizardly existence, the origin of all wizardly suffering, the origin and the beginning of unquenchable wizardly desires, the dawning existence of the humble unsuspecting wizkids with aspirations of deserving their fair share of basic wizlet happiness.

Wizkids are naturally pure, innocent, busy with wizardly endeavors, wand enjoyers who love to conjure magic in their rooms, some evolving into wizardly figures recognized as a lively house ornament with unending loyalty and as a silent background figure always providing company for the house occupants to stave off their feelings of loneliness, some wizzies composting and blossoming into wise loyal hermit oracles, some a cared for sheltered recluse that has invaluable wizardly virtues. Some having to partake in the dog eat dog normalfag world of cliqued up social hierarchies all orbiting around female gynocentric pussy worship. The wizkid is a rare treasure in the modern world and must be protected.

The wizkid serves as a naturally innocent benevolent force of objective moral good, the entire existence of the wizkid stands in complete contrast to the naturally wicked existence of the human female, creatures that are unashamed in their sadistic self serving primitive impulses, unashamed in their vile intentions to scheme, lie, cheat, manipulate and swindle, but are instinctually smart enough to keep it hidden deep within, but eventually the infectious bio-waste that fills their souls leaks out in subtle almost unnoticeable slip ups that stupefies you into disbelief witnessing their casual cruel intentions. Once you finally learn how to notice the almost unbelievable rotten nature of the female soul, you can feel it constantly radiating from them whenever you're in their presence and you can't help but feel disgusted all the time by their noticeable innate genetic impulses that define their whole repugnant being, a detestable shallow existence that is worshipped endlessly by every institution, worshipped endlessly by society despite being useless ungrateful demonic goblins.

Simps, get off my board!
R: 4 / I: 0

Anhedonia

Anyone else have terrible anhedonia. It manifests as not experiencing any enjoyment from reading or listening to music for me and merely existing is agonizingly monotonous. The only this that used to help was to drink caffeine but now that isn't giving me enjoyment in things much anyone. I'm at a loss as to what to do at this point. I also have schizoprenia and am on neetbux.
R: 36 / I: 6
sometimes, I feel like my heart is heavy and it make me very sad and feel uneasy. It also feels like a sharp object penetrating my heart. Or sometimes, I feel like I have a big hole in my chest (where the heart is located). and whenever I feel one of the three situations, my energy is drained and I feel awful and empty inside my upper body. anyone who feel the same way?
R: 158 / I: 7

Anti-Suicide General

The purpose of this thread is to counter the general tenor of sadness that defines all the other threads. This thread will therefore feature practical advice about reducing suicidal behavior even when we feel most suicidal. Naturally, being that I started the topic, I will be the first to contribute.

(1) Know that I care about you guys deeply and sincerely. Call me a faggot, I don't care.
(2) Examine what you are eating. For example, gluten especially produces depressive/psychotic episodes in sensitive autistic individuals. Sugar also is not healthy for your brain.
(3) Make sure you are getting sufficient sleep. Chronic sleeplessness or even a few days' worth of irregular sleep can seriously interfere with the clarity of our thinking.
(4) Clean up. Taking a warm shower and putting on fresh clean clothes always is refreshing and helps to break up darkened mental habits.
(5) Breathe fresh air. Open the windows to your wiz-cave and allow some wind to come in.
(6) Watch your breathing. When we are panicked, our breathing can become very disordered and we do not recognize the effect this has on our thinking. Take deep, purposeful breaths, and collect your thoughts.
(7) Respect yourself. You have done your best to survive in an awful world, and you should grant yourself forgiveness for any mistakes and the allowance to rest with a composed and balanced mind.

I've done my part. Anyone else?
R: 0 / I: 0

i don't dream anymore

I can't dream anymore, or at least remember them (but i wont stick to the cientific details here). I would say that i dreamt less then 10 times since January. This is quite frustrating. If my blank conscious mind wasn't enough, now my inconscious mind also seems to be blank. Of course not, its probably a caos, but its depressing to not be able to experience a cathartic dream or even a nightmare.

I wonder if this also happens with other wizards too
R: 4 / I: 0

Beauty makes me depressed

Wish I never understood beauty, no not this conventional beauty that the western slop creates. But actual beauty rather live in ignorance than see what I'm missing out on. Why am I so ugly. Beauty is something I can't describe in words but it impacts so hard to the gut it's like I want to embody it, not just be in it. If I see something beautiful I don't just want it, I want to be it, I want it apart of me, and be on its level. Just realized how empty my soul is. How filthy I am, how limited I am. I rather artists fucking die and live in some shithole, oblivious as a subhuman without self awareness and die in ignorance. Than to be aware what I don't have.
R: 18 / I: 0

How do you deal with being one of the sexless?

I was at work and had to just fucking sit there and listen to this guy go on and on about how succubi constantly hit him up and fucked him. I normally don't react to this kind of stuff. But then he showed video after video after video and it eventually got to me. This fuck is the same age as me but his life just seemed so much easier. I legitimately didn't understand what it's like to have a fucking succubus text you. Want to see you. He even said "You're not ugly. How?" I just didn't have an answer. I just live with the cope that some people just have it easier and others like myself emit and anti succubus field. I am happier the further away from sex and relationship shit I hear. Normally I can just live around it and it doesn't bother me. This time was different some how. What the fuck.
R: 56 / I: 4

feeling inferior to normalfags

Maybe they're right all along.
Whenever im forced to interact with normalfags, it feels like theyre finding me repulsive and looking at me in a sense of disgust or hate. that they sense that there has to be something truly wrong with me that i cannot sense or fully comprehend my self, it feels all the faults about my self that i already can see is confirmed by others, but there is something they sense more about me than my self. it feels all these people who mentally tormented me all these years were right, because they are all living their lives now surrounded by family and friends while im here left to rot in my own prison. theyve won and ive lost, but whenever i try to join their normalfag world just to stop taking so many L's in life, copy their mannerism and speak like them, it comes out as unnatural or forced and i end up feeling exhausted then isolating my self from society even more, because that would never work, they would still be able to see through me no matter what and they can all sense of how much of a loser I am. Whenever i share any of my interests or thoughts it feels like i am humilating my self.
R: 51 / I: 5

it's better to stay at home in your room

Back in High School I tried to cope with doing hobbies outside, to participate in normalfag activities because I wanted to at least give the bluepilled advice a go, I knew in the back of my mind it would not work and to nobody's surprise, the expectations are exactly what occurred, it resulted in nothing but utter humiliation. I played for a football academy back in High School and whilst I was decent at it I was treated poorly by my teammates, did not make a single friend there even though I contributed a lot to the stats of the team, we even made it very far into the tournament, after that incident I was discouraged to make friends because no matter how much meritocratic value is under your hands you are worthless to everyone, unless you're a prodigy your efforts are worthless.

Going outside has not improved my health but only worsen it, it has done the opposite effect, it makes me feel more worthless, more worse overall, a complete abomination, it reminds me of what I look like which is the opposite of what I'm trying to achieve. If you're an ugly midget subhuman like me then don't go outside and if you have to then try to limit it as much as possible because other people will remind you of your own flaws.

For ugly midgets like me, I think it's better to stay home and play video games. Don't go outside unless you have to. Make sure all of your hobbies are in solitude, experience surreal dimensions through novels, animes and video games. Outdoor hobbies can be selectively chosen, ones that don't include many people, walk through national parks in those isolating tracks because not much people are there, it's a great cope to view nature as a wiz. If you have the privilege, then work remote or at least hybrid, if you can't do this then get into a field of work that requires a limited interaction of others, if you are even more privileged then NEET but I would not suggest this as its damaging to your health in the long run.

There's no point going to malls, restaurants or visiting popular tourist sites like the Eiffel tower, it is super damaging to your brain being in places surrounded by normalfags. Just watch the YouTube video of it or visit the Minecraft version.
R: 36 / I: 2

Disadvantage if not social

This is probably not big news, but you have much worse chances of getting anything done in life if you are not social. From jobs, to housing, to money. If you are trying to do everything alone, you will not be as successful. Except you have a godlike family and upbringing. But I suppose nobody here had this.
R: 116 / I: 11

How do we get used to it?

How are we supposed to get used to loneliness and the fact that our life is fucked up?
Here's my resume: never had any friends, bullied during school, uni dropout but basically never went to high school, very poor (no income), obviously never had any gf, the last time I talked someone my age was since high school basically. I can't get used to the loneliness… I also have a very poor health, and no one to help me with it.

What's your life status and how do you cope with it?

I personally try to cope with video games, anime and a bit of drug (alcohol and opioid mostly). But that hardly works… Sometimes I'm into my game or I'm high enough to be ok, but most of the time I'm depressed or suffering or both. I wish I were dead since I'm 12, I'm 25 now.
R: 39 / I: 0

"Normies and neurotypicals aren't just low IQ trologdytes"

This is what gets left on your doorstep when you tell your grandparent you got diagnosed with autism.
R: 6 / I: 1

Decided to make an image of me

>just be normal even though your mental state isn't

Kys and get depressed
R: 98 / I: 2

Unlucky with females

Now i don't know if this is madness but can a person like really just be vexxed or cursed to never have a girlfriend ? It's the fact that even when you try it always seems to not go your way, it always goes wrongly, It's fucking insane how much tries you try yet it does not work, it's almost as if there is someone stopping that shit because it's fucking insane how one can keep trying even in any way yet he cannot succeed with getting a succubus.

Do you think there is really some fucking paranormal background to males not having the chance to get a girlfriend even though they do everything that seems to be accepted by Social standards and even break social standards just to get a girlfriend yet with no avail, Even the most handsome yet cannot get it, I remember there was a thread about how people are bound to be lonely well this is a continuation, Do you think there are some who are destined to never have a girlfriend even though it seems absurd ?

Is there anyway to break from this cycle ?
R: 136 / I: 6

being bald feels like a death sentence

I've been on finasteride for 2 years and I just lost my job and had to move back with my parents and I noticed that my hairline is receding it looks bad, my hair is thinning too, even the back and sides are thinning so I will never be able to get a hair transplant. I've always been anxious about going bald because I have a really bad head shape and I just don't look good without hair, or well, i look worse than with full head of hair.
Balding young is fucking brutal and I don't feel like wearing a fedora or beanies it will make it all more obvious, i feel a pain in my chest and all this stress is causing me to lose more and more hair im in my early 20s but i look now like my male relatives who are full in their 50s.
I can't hide it and I don't want to be that bald guy everyone mocks.
Why it had to be me, wizards? I'm short and now balding, fucking life sucks and did nothing to deserve this.
R: 15 / I: 1

mumma's kickin me out

hello wizneets, anyone been kicked out before? im leaving today. gonna just stay in a hostel on neetbux and drink alcohol or something
R: 1 / I: 0

Summer months and my brother ruining my mood

My brother exhibits the same behavior as I did at his age and it just makes me miserable and depressed to see it, someone ending up like me, sloppy, low motivated, half brain working, and no aspirations to life. It's forcing me to relive my past, to see someone like that. With beautiful eyes and a strong personality of a manager to grow up to be me. It's already over for him, he is 14 and already the light of life is just gone. Another porn addicted anger issued soulless husk to the calling of this shitty existence of life. I don't care if eugenics goes against ethics, THIS IS UNETHICAL. to allow "nature take it's course" to ruin so many children at a young age because a couple of dysgenic fucks decided to hump like niggers unprotected. Even my brothers speeches are slurred half fast mumbling like mine.

But today is sunny and it's been screwing up my mood lately, more depressed than ever than in the winter or cloudy days. That's going to be a fun few summer months to embrace.
R: 77 / I: 8

"To live is to suffer."

As Wizards, do you think we suffer a lot more than most people? Recently, I've been having antinatalist thoughts that all humans and animals were born to suffer, and that everyone probably suffer to similar degrees no matter how shit or awesome their lives are.

I used to think most people have much better lives than me, because they have friends, loving families, careers, sex, etc. but, no matter how much better their lives seem to be compared to mine, I've never once wanted to BE them. If I could trade my sorry existence away and live the life of some famous super celebrity, I wouldn't make that trade. Partly as an ego thing, and partly because I think I would be taking on their suffering too, so it would be pointless.

We all know of celebrities who killed themselves despite having fame and fortune and things we could only dream of having, but how are their lives any better than that of Wizards who an heroed? Wizards kill themselves for being on the spectrum, and being ugly and unwanted, while those celebs suffered from none of those things and had everything we ever wanted but they ended up killing themselves anyway. I think it's a mindset thing derived from the circumstances of our lives. Those celebs would never worry about the same things as a Wizard would worry about, but having celebrity status exposed them to different sources of suffering like needing to maintain their looks, avoiding scandals, contemplating the dicks they need to suck to stay relevant. It seems to me like it doesn't matter if you're normal, a wizard, homeless, or a celebrity. You're always gonna have your own set of worries to make you feel sad and depressed. I'm starting to think all living things were born to suffer equally.

My coworkers are as normal as can be. They're married, have kids, and socialize with each other every day. Meanwhile, I'm the opposite. I'm single, no kids, and keep to myself. Of course I get sad about this sometimes, being the only KHV in the office, but when I overhear them rant about drama regarding their family and friends, I feel grateful that I don't have to deal with those things.
R: 3 / I: 0
i have strange urges when i watch lights flicker on the screen. they do it so smoothly and nicely. i feel like i want to flicker with them but i can't. what the fuck, jesus christ

I went outside again today.

It's amazing how fake everything looks. I mean, when people use the word "fake" here in Los Angeles; they're usually referring to the superficiality of the city's culture.

When I use the word "fake" here; I'm actually referring to how unusually artificial the world at large feels now. It's difficult to describe. It's not a pleasant feeling. I can spend most of the day outside and it doesn't stop feeling fake.
R: 109 / I: 6

Antidepressant Thred

In this thread, we shall discuss everything SSRi-related.

I've tried the following:

Fluvoxamine, Sertraline, and Fluoxteine are SSRIs.

SNRI's:

Desvenlafaxine Venlafaxine

I'm going to talk about each of them and how I feel about them.

Fluvoxamine:

The first two weeks on Fluvoxamine are complete torture; I'm anxious, tired, and have terrible focus due to anxiety and panic episodes.

Sertraline:

When I first started on Sertraline, I had no side effects, it was OK till it pooped out, but it truly works but it can screw with your motivation, plus the weight loss is fantastic on this medicine, I was 78 before taking it, and three months later I was 69-70.


Fluoxtiene:

Similar to fluvoxamine, except it makes me laugh even at the most ridiculous things.

and now we will discuss the SNRIs

Desvenlafaxine:

I felt terrific, but losing weight was difficult I nearly went from 74 to 82.
I can wake up in the morning with full energy and excitement on 50mg, but after I hit 100mg, I became restless and my anxiety skyrocketed; I'll give it a 6/10 due of the weight gain.

Venlafaxine (currently used in combination with mirtazapine):

Venlafaxine is actually a miracle; I'm on 150mg right now it's similar to Sertraline but doesn't steal your motivation. moreover, the combination with mirtazapine is known as California rocket fuel because to the increased mechanism of action.
R: 40 / I: 2

Escaping the Demiurge PT 2

Serious question for any wizcels:

Do you ever wonder how you got here…as in, how or why you "woke up" when you did, where you did, to the people (parents) that you did? It's impossible to make sense of. Just on one fucking terrible day, we took up consciousness, literally out of nowhere we are in bodies and tasked with learning the mechanics of entire material world. What caused us to be born when we were, to whom we were? I don't accept that it was random, or mere bare biology..I feel within myself that this life is a targeted punishment and that were I smarter I would have avoided being born entirely. What piece of shit god thinks he/it has the right to do this to us? We are born, thereafter we spend a few years simply making basic sense of things, go off to school, probably suffer a lot, continue to grow up, endure more sadness, and now through all of it we just continue to get older and weaker and sadder. This life is a crime against our souls and whatever caused us to come here HAS TO PAY. Really the only thing I fear is being forced to come back to this shitheap of a world to suffer again…and I do worry about this precisely because I don't know how I got here in the first place. I feel deeply sorry for all the new souls born to this world…there is just so much to learn, but even more there is just so much to suffer through…and I cannot understand what kind of god would force this sort of existence on tender helpless beings? The demiurge must be overcome.
R: 24 / I: 4

My reflections on height

Reflections on height
My mother is 4.9, my father is 5.5.
In my school years, because my mother worked as a cleaner in a factory for 12 grand (RUB*) a month and my father worked in the same factory as an electrician for 15 grand, I had a disgusting diet and a closed way of life - I was forbidden to leave the house. I grew very slowly while my boy classmates in 13-14 years old were 5.2-6.2, succubi were 4.9-5.7. I was 4.7 in 9th grade at 15 (since I went to school at 6 (while the whole class was 7-8). I was hated for my height and for the fact that I was not a calm tolerant I was a hyperactive child with the character of an alpha kid most of the bullying was psychological mostly I was bullied by classmates and teachers who were also female. The bullying could be expressed in the following teachers constantly put me as a bad example or as an example of a stupid child because I was the youngest and smallest, they looked down on me while my classmates allowed themselves to communicate with them as equals and challenge their decisions my attempts to build a constructive dialog ended with remarks and F's in the diary. I could be forced to do class work because it seemed to them that I was the easiest to force and so they reflexively emphasized me. To wring out a rag, to wipe the blackboard, to put me at the first desk in every lesson, to call me to the blackboard every lesson, to take away my backpack for not having time to put my textbooks away before the lesson started, constant teasing trying to shove me into some ugly role in some ugly play for example I played a rooster in the New Year's play because I was threatened to get a D for the quarter after which my classmates and teachers laughed at me almost immediately after that I was tricked into the role of an eagle on teacher's day where I was scripted to peck Hercules' liver while I was pecking the liver on stage. From the outside it looked like an act of sodomy and about 100 people were looking at me, including teachers and students, laughing loudly at me and shouting "peck, peck" I still do not understand how and why in their heads these people had such a desire to mock me. In addition to this I suffered from overweight, acne, stuttering and social maladjustment. No one was involved in my physical fitness, so I never knew how to do pull-ups and push-ups, which in turn caused ridicule from others. Classmates never paid attention to my advances they every day laughed at my height and my appearance never let me write off did not discount me homework in a general conversation chat when there were even a class leader was, my classmate under the silent approval of others banned me. Every day other classmates were picking on me, and my school supplies were often thrown in the trash or out the window. My pencil case and briefcase played soccer and I was systematically beaten. a classmate was sitting two meters away from the teacher. Apparently her whore mother died and that's why she was in a bad mood and wanted to sit alone, but some midget with his briefcase decided to sit at the same desk. and insulted me without explanation and then another classmate of mine who was 6,2 tall grabbed me and threw me out of my desk and I was very angry and I hit him in the solar plexus with my fist and he hit me in the face with his fist and I fell down and got up and sat back down and that succubus finally left and I saw the Russian language teacher looking at it and smiling right after that lesson at recess I was pushed and hit against the wall by another classmate at that moment the teacher came out of the room and smilingly said to him why are you making fun of him all the time, let him go already in response to that he smilingly said okay. I feel bad about human duplicity and cruelty and how much succubuses hate me and how cruel the world can be just because you're a freak I hate myself and all the people around me I feel bad about the lack of humanity in people I could rant on and on about height and money and all the other bullshit you'll be forgiven for but I think even the last motherfucker realizes all this without my examples. I used to be a very kind and empathic person but now I realize that I'm a misanthrope I don't feel any emotions except endless longing and hatred for the people around me every day I think about how I want to hurt them I go out on the street I look at these faces and I don't see a single drop of human soul in them for me they are just an empty shell behind which Satan hides with all the possible vapors that can be. Why did people invent those mortal sins and no others? Because they are peculiar to everyone and that's why at one point someone wanted to get rid of competitors liars, fornicators, gluttonous and so on. Every day I fall asleep replaying dozens of scenarios of my life and dozens of disgusting memories I think I am the most pathetic version of myself. Don't think I'm not feeling sorry for myself, throw more rocks at me, because I'm dropping them so I can take them out of my pockets and start throwing them back at you. I hate everybody and I hate myself the most.
R: 144 / I: 6

I hate rich or wealthy wizards

I hate wizards who got substantial inheritances, or lucked out otherwise while being unable to work. 99,9% of the problems related to being a wizard are related to a lack of money and the fact normies hate even employing a non-neurotypical, making life an infinite paywall torture simulator where you can only look but not touch anything.

My life would completely transform if I even had 10k dollars to my name. Yet there are wizards who inherited an expensive big house and hundreds of thousands of euros or dollars.

They cannot sympathize with someone who is in a perpetual cycle of shit tier labor->pay absolute necessities->have maybe $20 extra at the end of the month-> repeat infinitely…

Because they play life on heaven mode where everything is unlocked and stress levels go down by 99%.
R: 13 / I: 2

Why am I so lazy?

I'm starting to get hints of back problems which means I should start exercising asap to strengthen my back. I've read the horror stories of back problems people share as a warning. And yet I don't do anything knowing full well I will regret it once it gets so bad I will be in constant pain and lose mobility.

Why? I'm like this with everything. I know and fear the consequences and yet I don't try to prevent them.
R: 10 / I: 1

Just turned 30

Turned 30 during christian holy week in a moderately conservative christian place. Lost my job after almost two years of stability, lost my rented apartment, temporarily lost my head and sobriety. Family took me back almost no questions asked as if nothing had happened last time I left. Most of my adult holy weeks have been like this. Days of heavy emotional turmoil, days of heavy substance abuse too. I never once "celebrated" holy week, I wasn't raised catholic but protestant, the type that believes in scripture alone.

Returning to this forum after not posting for many months, almost a whole year feels strange. Things have probably not changed much. It's a Succubus that got me fired in the "corporate" world. She wanted me to bow down to her because she was in a position of power. Told her to eat shit, I wasn't playing her game. When I understood she was going to get me fired I accepted it and tried taking her with me, left a huge mess in my wake and left with a decent severance payment. Been spending it on cheap liquor and cheap pills.

I used to really love this site. It was probably years of delusions and mental illness struggles, but I fancied you as my "friends" and I genuinely cared about every single one of you, I read most of your posts and took my time to reply to them. By leaving this site I hadn't realized I stopped loving the last group that made me love. The last year of isolation has really warped my mind, I stopped feeling love. Lived without my family pets and without you. I no longer feel love, I no longer cry. Just a corpse waiting for death.
R: 49 / I: 3

There's nothing more brutal than being unemployed in India and seeing roasties and chads get jobs.

I don't even know how to elaborate the sheer brutalness of life, I am so tired of being poor and be dependent upon my parents like a cuck. The state has no concept of neetbuxx. I have completed my degree, and I am sick of getting rejected from interviews, dancing all day long on LinkedIn out of the all fucking websites in the world, begging recruiter here and there. Changing my CV again and again, I do this all day, only to get an offer of a job that pays nothing, that wouldn't even qualify as stipend for internships.

Meanwhile, succubi in my college, particularly good looking succubi have no problem in life, they get paid so much, and get hired at an instant cause they look cool. They are truly untouchable. The new caste system is based upon looks and gender. With gender being the varna, and looks being your jaati. I don't usually get upset at things in life, as I have decided to not kill myself (maybe because of cowardice or simply it's rather unnatural), so the only logical conclusion is to improve the quality of my life that I am gonna live.

But today is one of those days, where you truly feel defeated and raped. It's quite remarkable how different my life is from an average bitch, who starts having sex at 15, travels the world, sleeps with whoever she wants, looks pretty, gets a job just for existing, good at socialising, sports, academics, etc. due to being in an extreme positive feedback loop. And most importantly despite of the cope that goes around in the online spaces, they are happier than the most.

Meanwhile, I have nothing, I don't care for relationships anymore cause damage is already done, but I can't even live a decent life alone and can't get a fucking job. A cunt who studied with me, got a job today for 11LPA INR (13K USD/YR) which is extremely good for India. Meanwhile, I can only get job a few job offers for (2K USD/YR), I mean what the fuck is this? Am I supposed to work 12 hours a day and six days a week for this, all while she goes around pilpuling her bosses and working for just 6 hours a day, 4 days a week?

This can't go on man, I can't live my like this, I don't know but this can't go on, this is wrong. I have legitimately not felt angry for like 3 years but today I really fucking am pissed of, my head hurts, I am just so fucking upset that I can't even cry, like what the fuck did I ever do to anyone to deserve this retarded fate.

I hate the fact that I have to put so much effort into things that fefails and normiescum get so easily, I hate it. Why is the entire world trying to come and kill me? Why is it so tough to just lead a normal fucking life for once? This can't go on. I will legitimately beat the shit out of someone today. Fucking normies have handed entire lives on golden platter to fefails who won't ever spit on them. A true hardworking guy like me gets left behind. Death to attractive roasties. Death to LinkedIn faggot recruiters.
R: 17 / I: 0

Mentally lost

I'm doing it sort of to enjoy life in the moment outside of my ADHD vices but now what, what to think about, what to fill the empty void with do I force myself to think and be creative or do I let my thoughts flow until I find something I can do but sometimes I find myself dozing off or have some sporadic serges in my thoughts that scare me or make me feel anxious or dreadful almost makes me think there are entities trapped in my thoughts trying to scare me or something. I'm trying to break free from my ADHD not just control it I want to reshape my entire personality to the desired outcome.
R: 12 / I: 1

Kynurenine acid, one possible cause of dep

Tryptophan -> inflammatory dysfunction of the conversion to serotonin -> Kynurenine -> quinolonic acid -> NMDA over-stimulation
if you can cut out the underlying inflammatory sources, the malfunction preventing tryptophan to serotonin conversion stops. IE fish oils.

Interesting stuff. Also applies to schizos since Kynurenine is thought to be a huge contributor to their illness
R: 26 / I: 0

Found "purpose" when younger. Then lost it.

When I was younger, around 20-25 years old, I was highly driven, motivated, outgoing, hopeful and physically fit. I had even graduated college. Then, the year I turned 26, I destroyed my right shoulder, left leg, totaled my car, dropped out of the trade school I was in, lost my job, became an alcoholic, and was THIS close to killing myself. Obviously I didn't since I'm posting here now at 29. I even went back to school and graduated for the trade and got the "dream job." Also stopped drinking 3 months ago.

However. since that year I haven't felt that happiness I once had. All of the things I had built up for myself were taken away all at once. I used to enjoy doing multiple martial arts, running, swimming, gaming, and learning new things. I just don't get the same enjoyment or excitement out of any of that stuff anymore. I don't know what to do any more. Do I just keep living even though I hate it? Just so I don't make my mother upset that I killed myself? It's just not good any more. Hasn't been for years.
R: 12 / I: 0

You think your life sucks? See how bad it can get!

Health - undiagnosed gastrological problems, lost half my weight, couldn't breathe normally for a year, NAFLD, IBS, schizoid personality, mixed anxiety-depression, all teeth dying, always in pain or unbearable agony or feeling like i'm dying, benzo addiction, exhaustion, inability to function, move, eat, work like a normal person, heart arrythmias, breathing problems, stomach pains, teeth pain, head pain, eyesight problems, heartburn, huge scoliosis etc. etc.

Money - after making a ton of money in crypto eventually I started losing it and giving money away due to depression and suicidal ideation, so after 2 years of psychiatry and therapy i went to the best psychiatric hospital where they scammed me out of 6 figures and said they can't help me. Rest went to physicians for normal health problems, nobody really helped, they misdiagnosed me and tried to treat non-existing conditions, spent a year going from doctor to doctor for my symptoms until i ran out of money, now i'm left with infinite tax debt. Dropped out of school at 18, can't work any normal job due to physical mental social problems and inability to do simplest things, not that anyone would hire me.

Social - my family is insane and insanely stupid, they don't care and won't do anything even if you writhe in pain in front of them, or start dying in front of them. I don't speak to them since years and I would do things to them I'd rather not write about. Never had my own room, and shared a PC with 2 forever unemployed mentally ill brothers till I was 20. Never had a chance to live or function like a normal person. Never had a single relationship, a friend, never felt love in any form for anyone in my family or otherwise. I am socially at a level of a 4 year old.

Oh, I also can't do basic chores and never learned how to function like a normal human being. And I lost all my hobbies and copes since there's no point. So why am I still here, you ask? No reason, apart from my cowardice. I first thought about suicide probably 12 years ago, drowning in my bathtub. But i quickly decided it was just a fantasy and I will do it via train. Nothing's changed, only available methods are brutal and scary and i'm the biggest coward you will ever meet in the universe. But, there is no choice. Suicide started as a comforting fantasy, then a choice, and then a necessity you beg for every day. I hope I manage to die today. There is no point in doing anything or thinking about anything or feeling anything except killing myself. I suffered for years and then endured unbearable misery for months. Nobody will read this anyway as usual. I've been alone since birth till death, nobody ever helped me or understood me or cared about me.

Have a fun life.
R: 112 / I: 3

It sucks to be a physical freak

If my problems were purely emotional I think I could cope. But I have physical flaws that make me feel like a freak and hated by anyone who isn't family. I've got Seb derm on my face, and I've seen many dermatologists and tried every over the counter treatment possible, but nothing in the long-term has helped. It looks awful and the only option I have to is to wear cover-up (though I'm a guy), but that's noticeable too. I also have head tremors that look especially odd when I walk or drive a car. And on top of that i have a stutter, which can only be hidden when i don't talk (obviously), but is quite noticeable in most conversations. These things make me terribly anxious to be around people. I've tried to come to terms with my physical flaws, but I just can't. Every time I go outside I feel like everyone's eyes are on me. I'm jealous of people whose problems are just mental.
R: 18 / I: 0

Advice for younger men with autism

Older wizzie here, I spend a good decade on psych meds and constantly trying to work past my autism. It doesn't work, here's some advice for you high functioning spergs that are suffering.

1. Make dealings with the fact you'll never have a wife, girlfriend and children, and psychologically accept it. The crab blackpill stuff with autism is 100% correct, it is harder for us than someone with schizophrenia. I'm someone tall and good looking enough to be asked out by succubi in the past, but it doesn't work out as they ghost you the second they work out what you are.

2. If you have to socialize, socialize with old people. They're more forgiving than younger normalfags. Retirement homes advertise chatting and talking to the elderly, if you need to get your social fix in, you could easily sate the urge with that. They won't be mean to you and they'll be desperate for your company. If you're an extroverted aspie who needs socialization, have a grandma/grandpa or two you go and see every second day. You will absolutely make their day, and you'll be able to talk to someone in a safe environment.

3. Get offline. Computer addiction destroys aspies, and we're susceptible to porn addiction and absolutely depraved coomery. If you're NEETing you can easily spend 12+ hours a day doomscrolling. We're all trannying out at rapid rates because we're susceptible to that brainrot.

4. A part time job where you work alone is preferable to NEETdom. But make sure it is alone, you must always find work where you're alone. You will be victimized because of your condition in hyper-social normie workplaces, guaranteed. Even if you weren't at school, you will be at work. Autists are typically fine at school but suffer at work to the point where 85% of us live on NEETbux.

5. Understand that there's nothing in the normalfag life that will actually make you happy. I did it all, I pushed myself to the limits trying to suppress and overcome my autism. I lived a life that for a while could be considered normie. It will not satisfy you and it won't make you happy. Find a healthy routine and stick to it.

6. Kacazynski-maxx if you can. If you can live in the countryside with a bit of land, do it. Having a small garden, going fishing, being in nature and having a dog will make you pretty happy by yourself. I was my happiest the less I used screens and the more outdoors I was.
R: 19 / I: 1

Being repulsive, annoying, irritating, obnoxious

I'm literally repulsive, I've been doing it since pre-K. You have your quiet nerd introvert types, and they are inoffensive and can be friends with others like them. And then you have the true freaks, that no one, not even nerds can stand to be around.

I guess its classic Aspergers. Like if I was going to start with a list of my traits that annoy people, it would be a list down the DSM V. Obsessiveness, fixation, monologuing, inability to read people, inappropriate sense of humor. Its like I get so fixated on topics. And even if I'm trying to avoid my own aspie fixations, and talk about someone else's interest in the weather, I'll lecture on the theory of meteorology.

Even on the internet when I'm just text on the screen, even right here on Wizchan, I find myself annoying people and becoming X-guy. Even on the most innocuous topics I attract negative attention and irritate people. If I only talked about the weather they'd say oh look cloud-poster is at it again.

Not only have I never had a friend, I've never had anyone want to have a conversation with me for 5 minutes. Tons of times, I think we've having friendly chitchat, making a good connection, they are intrigued by me. But the proof is in the pudding. And however good I think an interaction went, no one ever wants to chat another 5 minutes with me at another time.

I think of myself as an open-minded guy, willing to chat with anyone about virtually any topic, and be friendly about it. Somehow millions of guys with terrible nasty personalities somehow have friends.

I also have a retard, monotone, flat lisp. And I'd blame it on that, except that I have the same experience even as just text on a screen. It just seems so terrible to be around me. Yet if I'm honest, I can't stand listening to 10 seconds of my voice on recording. So I don't have much tolerance for me either.
R: 3 / I: 0
I'm too stubborn to love myself there is no reason to. No foundation or qualities just a thing that exists. I feel there is a loving hand placed on me begging me to let it in but I can't bring myself to it. Maybe there is something about loving your lower being before accepting the higher being. But not all lower state of beings are equal for everyone. Some are ambitious and driven, others are able to take charge and intimidate. Then there are those who are subhuman. Then what is my higher self if it is not my own desired image. A subhuman who isn't angry? I want more to life than this more to my identity than just being happy, I want a sense of foundation of who I am, accomplishments, a bit of control and charisma or at least intelligent. Like Hitler, or Lenin, Karl marx, Napoleon just anything other than this mundane existence. Could care less about their political stance it's the determination that I admire. It's not the power I want it's the tools that get me the power. Then I would feel content with myself enough to accept this loving hand of grace. It knocks but I can't open. It's not that I refuse to open it it's just so foreign to just let go of a deep desire. This hand shown me how trivial it is but it doesn't mean i am still not satisfied of how I am made. What now?
R: 3 / I: 0

I wish women became infertile

Im so tired of democracy and how giving life to a dysgenic mutt to be socially criticized for being "lazy" or "stupid" with a life of unfulfillment and emotional issues is objectively better than eugenics. The same douchebags that look down on us advocate to allow people like us to breed. Not to mention the whores YES WHORES AS IN LIKE ALL FUCKING FEMALES have a temper when you suggest they get sterilized. The SAME WHORES who look down on us the product of MUH FREEDOM AND BODILY AUTONOMY. and punish us for existing from the shit genes they gave us. it pisses me off the level of hypocrisy and sadism. Them having periods isnt enough suffering to equivelate to our suffering. Society is still sympathetic towards them and their issues so its not enough. They dont deserve human rights AT ALL if what the abominations they create arent human at all. Yes I see our kind "subhuman mutts" like me as disgusting but at least I am the sympathy enough to get a vasectomy I sympathize for them so much NOT TO GIVE LIFE TO THEM not to GIVE LIFE TO THEM AND THEN PUNISH THEM. IM SO SICK OF THEM THEIR ENTITLEMENT TO REPRODUCE NEEDS TO END NOW. I HATE THEM SO MUCH NO WORDS CAN EXPRESS MY HATRED. FUCKING NIGGER SPAWNS FUCK YOU I HOPE YOU GET RAPED BY THE SOULS OF THE ABORTED MUTTS YOU CONVIEVED AND BIRTHED, IN HELL YOU FUCKING WHORES.
R: 16 / I: 0
I've always felt like there is a specific subgroup of people that were born to be successful, and the rest are those who gaslight themselves into thinking that their lives are “decent” or those who simply lost hope. No specific talents or aspirations, no deep connections with others.
There are even specific voices that people find pleasant to listen to, while others have to find ways to make themselves heard. At some point I wanted to be heard too. I had Ideas, I had Opinions or Wants.
I live invisibly, cutting off all of my “relationships” before they even start, because I understand that my mental state is a barrier from anything healthy. IF people like me disappear, it wouldn’t change much: it is not a corny feeling, it is an actual fact.
I am now physically sick whenever I am at my workplace, so I quit a week ago. Antisocial and anxious thoughts got the best of me, I guess.
I have a plan and conditions ready to end my life, and I am not bitter about it anymore. Just was curious to maybe hear from other deeply alienated people like myself.
R: 0 / I: 0

At Sea and in the Dark

Share this where you can, if it should be shared. Say Anon wrote it or Ignoto.
R: 4 / I: 2

The Future of Suicide (1938)

"Such deaths are one of the oddly distributed taxes that are levied against gigantic change."
https://archive.org/details/the-future-of-suicide-1938
Previous thread:
>>283706
>>287308
R: 13 / I: 0

Depression as a personal failing?

If you suffer from depression you probably experienced people calling you lazy or trying to gotcha you by psychoanalyzing that you subconsciously enjoy being miserable and that's why you don't do anything. If you disagree then you will be called in denial or making excuses.

What do you think?

I think someone who is lazy evades responsibilities but will put in effort into the things they enjoy like going out with friends. But if you don't do anything, even let yourself go and can't even be bothered to do stuff others do for fun then to me that's clearly depression.

I feel a lot of regret and hate myself for letting myself go but then when I do think of trying to start doing something like cooking or exercise or reading it feels so difficult because I have almost no energy and don't feel satisfaction from achieving something. I thought I could find a way to bypass feelings and function on logic alone but I don't think it's possible because in the end we are biological beings and need to feel pleasure for motivation.
R: 13 / I: 1

>What happens if you have too little dopamine?

>Dopamine deficiency has been linked to neurodegenerative conditions in the body. If you have symptoms of low dopamine levels, you might feel:
Anxious or moody
Depressed or hopeless
Forgetful
Indifferent about the things you used to enjoy
Unable to concentrate
Unable to sleep
Unmotivated
Uninterested in sex
Withdrawn
https://www.verywellmind.com/common-symptoms-of-low-dopamine-5120239
https://drjockers.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/SEROTONIN_SerotoninDopamine-min-1.png
>Dopamine and serotonin compete for expression in the brain, one tends to dominate over the other
>see also https://wizchan.org/wiz/res/211617.html#217192, high serotonin causes shyness and anxiety
>a high carb diet, IE typical western one for poorwizs, favors serotonin production
R: 10 / I: 3

Pain

I'm locked in my room trying to figure out what the point of all this is? Why I was born if I wasn't given social gifts? Even asocial people hang out with other asocial people but I don't have anyone except for three old friends.

I jerk off frequently to relieve the sadness in my soul but that only feeds the emptiness more, I feel so helpless and misunderstood in this world, I would rather die but I dread the thought of pain so I pray to die in my sleep.

In the end this confession will remain here and no one will know who is the owner of these ideas.
R: 1 / I: 0
I have a very bad prose and poor way of writing so I will write simple sentences, "bullet points" to convey what I mean to say.
I have discovered that the 2 Cups Method truly does work. I believe in dimensional jumping, but not in reality shifting. I have calculated and meditated than under ANY religion, -even materialistic atheism- the best for me is to live 2 ,3 years at full intensity and then die.
I would be treated like a king, my rich relatives would gift me a lot of travels and stuff, my parents would give me early inheritance money. the future is super super grim, better to die happy. I want to choose a religion to devote the last of life to. If Im a great and ardent devotee + expiatory suffering and burning bad sins trough cancer\etc, I'll go to heaven and not h*.
I think my current religion (catholicism) is right, but maybe tibetan vajrayana, or Krsna Vedic path, are true.
please, give me valuable insight or advice.
>tl;dr I can give myself cancer trough magickal means. What do I do to burn family's cash on my fun + go to true religion's heaven after 2,3 years
R: 2 / I: 0
3 months and 7 days, and I'm just thinking,. Why am I ugly? Will my future be mine?, Am I wrong? Is my existence wrong?
Also, I have a crush on a succubus that study in my high-school, she appears recently on my dreams, thats so sweet and i wanna text het she is looking so cute and smart.
Mybe just mybe this succubus gonna be my only escape from this hole.
Wizzies, should i do the move? Tell me and i will keep yall uptaded.
I love all of you guys
R: 75 / I: 7

Anybody used to be patriotic?

I used to cope with patriotism, believing my country was better than the others despite being poor, at least we had some morals. But take a look at the vidrel, the vidrel is India.

There is nothing Indian about this, all I see is unabashed degeneracy, alien to Indian soil. It is then I realised, that only I care about India and Indians and not the opposite. Nobody gives a fuck apparently about the country. About the culture. About what my ancestors tried, all in vain.

It's a brutal reality, while this fair skinned Indian bitch parties, some poor, short, balding, dark skinned Indian man will clean this up. All while her body becomes a maze of Hindu Chads, Muslims, and White Tourists.

Patriotism and Nationalism is truly the cope of the man who has nothing to be proud of with himself. And desperately seeked some higher purpose in the service of motherland. All while knowing that neither the motherland, nor the citizenry gives a shit about me.

I am all alone. There is no us vs them. It's me vs everyone, me vs life. Another cope gone.

>Ahhhh India is so conservative vro

>Indian succubi are extremely oppressed by uggo pajeets vro
>India crab paradise bro
>Muh arranged marriage
Aaaacccccccckkkkkkk

Third world brokeness. First world wokeness.
BTW recommendations for other copes? I like driving. But fuel is expensive. So I am now unironically thinking crocheting like my grandma. Kek the days that are going to come by.
R: 108 / I: 1
I relate a lot with old inc_els because most of them don't even want relationships anymore, they've accepted that past a certain point there is no coming back, once you've spent your entire life bullied and ostracized and mocked for how you look or being introverted and entered adult age not knowing real friendships or love from parents, there is really no rainbow in the dark or light at the end of the tunnel.

Your personality is shaped, your memories are painful so you want to erase the past or pretend that it didn't happen, you are like an abused and neglected kid who starts to sweat and becoming increasingly anxious as the time to go back from work for his dad approaches.

Lot of pain and trauma. You are better off alone at that point, engaging in hobbies, distracted with work or in some fantasy world.

There is no cure.

You can't even relate or feel an attachment for this world and what it has to offer. You are almost prepared to leave and don't care. How can you care when you carry a broken soul within you.

There is no return because the place you left was doomed to be hell for you, from the very beginning and you know it's best once you accept that it wasn't your fault and stop blaming yourself. What can you do when you are born a wiz.

Society doesn't care. You've been left alone.
R: 63 / I: 36

Suicide book

Distant recognition from a goodsocietyman. Suicide: A Social and Historical Study, written by Henry Romilly Fedden in 1938.
R: 4 / I: 0

Nembutal

What's the easiest way to get Nembutal nowadays? I'm suffering greatly and I would appreciate any help.
R: 6 / I: 0

Prayer Thread for All True Wiz

I don't think this has ever been done before. I also don't know what fellow wiz will think of this idea (but that doesn't really concern me). I just thought to make a general prayer thread for all true wiz so that every worthy reader of these sentences might feel just a little less alone in having understood that he has been prayed for. Be it known that I've prayed for you guys sincerely. I also wrote a brief latin poem to that end.

nos non recte sapientes senes qui intellexerint
dehinc pedibus invenire debeant velocibus exitum.
Unicus unicis detur animis locus serveturque
quoi vixdum aditum morio titubans unquam
seipsum supponat adeptum esse verum;
etiamsi erro per errorem in fallacem veniens
occultum gloriabitur intellectum rarorum campum.
parumper verestur huc dum plane nesciens,
magis modo initiatis veridicus ceditur thesaurus.
R: 126 / I: 2
geniune question, why I can't enjoy video games anymore? do you have a theory or an answer on why one stop enjoying video games?
(I don't know if it's the good board to talk about it)
I believe it must be linked to my depression
R: 5 / I: 1
I can never connect with people there is always someone more interesting that breaks up my conversation and leaves me in the dark, whenever I say to them I am having a conversation, this was after realizing situation, the person who I initially talked to would tell me not to be rude, invite them back, and they have a conversation over me like I dont exist. Every, fucking, time. It hurts. When you are only there for temporary just because of what you offer. I used this time to reflect and realized I am the issue, but I can't help not be interesting, I can't help not expand my thoughts, I can't help but mentally go on auto pilot because my brain likes to not be there all the time. I can't help not know what to say half the time. Even autistic people online are able to have conversations and know what to say, carrying it out into long term friendships. While I drift from group to group, friends to friends, and so on.
R: 14 / I: 0

Weird Brain condition, i cannot find anyone who relates to me

I have a strange condition and super annoying condition where i literally, literally, literally, literally, literally cannot stop being distracted by my own thoughts, inner Voice and monologues, not Even for a minute, i cannot even focus while watching anime or cartoons with very simple plots, my eyes Would be staring at the screen but my Brain is not really there, it is Always wandering else where, i often have to repeat entrie sections in anime/cartoons/films because i keep being distracted and miss on important scenes, dialogues, details, and so on, often it feels Like a Big chore to constantly have to leave my chair to replay The thing to revisite The scenes i have "missed", let alone Read Books or watching a lecture, i just cannot Turn my Brain off, not even for a second, it causes me severe insomniac issues as well, i Can spend 12 hours in bed but only actually sleep for 5 hours max, the rest of The Time is me spent being awake and thinking endlessly About random things that don't seems to end, i been told i might have ADHD/ADD but i really cannot relate to most people with ADD/ADHD, they just seem as people with low patience, for me it's not that i get bored from Doing things or do stupid things Like not turning off my notifs, but my issue and Source of Endless distraction and concentration Issues Come from my inside.
R: 5 / I: 0
It's insane how much of my suffering is self-inflicted by my mind.

I had almost a mental breakdown because of a fucking free2play video game I play just to pass the time. I keep playing it because I'm addicted to earning "rewards" even though what use are these rewards if I don't actually enjoy the core game? I am so used to playing it every day like a job I didn't even realize how much time I was wasting. I can spend an entire day playing that dogshit when I have, even if I am not productive, more fulfilling things to do like play well crafted singleplayer video games that are not designed to be addictive, or read a book or watch a movie…

I feel like I have barely any time despite being a NEET because I keep wasting my time like this and also browsing imageboards out of some stupid FOMO even though I know 99.9% of the time it's just shitposts. My brain is so trained to have this nonstop, nonchallenging stimulation that even reading a short article or watching a 10 minute video feels like a big task. I feel ashamed of living like this. Like these people in dystopian stories who just consume connected to some machine. I barely feel like a person because I didn't grow by facing and overcoming challenges and doing stuff by myself because I want to and not because my someone forced me to.

Every time I actually did something it wasn't that bad like I enjoyed exercising and yet I forgot it was an option and feel like all I can do is the same routine of waking up, eating pre-made food, playing the same game, browsing imageboards and then go to sleep. Like even the slightest deviation from this feels almost impossible. I actually felt proud of myself for finally playing a singleplayer game I bought on steam sale 4 years ago… that's just super sad.
R: 18 / I: 2

Mommy issues and evil succubi (relief)

My life is not suffering, it is very far from it, and I have really improved a lot this last year, to the point that I feel like a different person, however, events happened in my childhood that made me a failure. First of all, there was the divorce, I have a kind of "dissociative amnesia" or forgetfulness due to age because I don't remember, it happened when I was 4-6 years old, it wouldn't be strange at all if it weren't for the fact that it was a very scandalous one that caused a lot of domestic violence, I have no memories but my brothers confessed to me that it was torture, but this would be bad for us if I had not lost my father figure, I separated from him, especially emotionally, and I was very much in charge of my mother.

She is like an older borderline, her personality is a disaster, her emotions too, very irritable and hostile, selfish, manipulative, condescending, she had attacks of multiple things, in short she is a very disturbed succubus. She gave me a bipolar affection, her love was based on talking badly about my father and making him look like a monster and then acting as if she were my savior, there she took advantage of my vulnerability to treat me well and give me affection, but that was very far from reality because on the other hand she ignored me, abandoned me, hit me for no reason and constantly insulted me, all the time she humiliated me and lowered my self-esteem, she was controlling as well as negligent, out of nowhere her affection became cold or contemptuous. Because of that same attitude, she left me in the care of caregivers, family members and nannies who sexually abused me. Over the years I remembered them as if they were flashbacks or regressions. The memory that had the most impact was one where I was lying on my back, very small and unattended. An older succubus changed my underwear, then she groped me and then gave me a very painful anal masturbation. After that I remember more groping, stripping, excihibitions and touching my rear and anal area along with mistreatment. I don't remember exactly the identity of the succubi. who did that, I only remember that they were succubi and older than me, much older because those memories are from my old home, which was where I spent my life before I was 6 or 7 years old. I'm sorry for throwing out all this relief text, I know there are people who need more help than me, but I'm lucky and I shouldn't be sad about these things.
R: 4 / I: 0
I have some kind of severe neurological condition i have no clear answers on and I've apparently suffered from to some degree forever, but it's gotten far worse over the past few years.

I'm completely boxed in, I'm scared of what my reality will become in a few years and I don't want to be here to find out but obviously I may not have the nerve to off myself.

I don't think whatever your circumstances may be that it's all that hopeless, I'd do anything for a functional brain at this point, Jesus christ, I bet if you cut down on screen time and jogged each day your mood would improve by 30 percent at least.

I'm fucked but I don't get that sense from most of the guys here, I see people who are unmotivated and fearful of rejection, who truly don't have any real struggle.
R: 5 / I: 1

is anyone else more comfortable with strangers than people you know?

whats odd that while i have social anxiety surrounding all social situations in general, it seems that it gets worse around people i personally know or have to interact with more often. like i can tell strangers on chatrooms like omegle my life story or my most embarassing mistakes or secrets and not care much but i cant tell anything to people i wanna be friends with or people i know. like the strnager im talking to wouldnt care about me or probably wont remember or any of the shit i said to them and they wouldnt really tell others my most personal info coz im nothing but a stranger to them as well so it wouldnt be of worth. im most scared of being judged by people i know. anyone relate and does anyone know what could be the reason behind this?
R: 6 / I: 0

My life is going to shit

I am here because I need advice from people older than me. I'm a 21 year old Mexican guy who only has 4 friends and has never had a girlfriend (like probably most people here). I make $100 a week so I barely make enough for anything, I hate my job and I have a hard time finding a job because I have rotacism. I have identity crisis as I like to create fake profiles everyday on shitbook but within hours of creating them I delete them. I masturbate frequently and I don't know what to do with my life. I would like to get feedback from you if possible.

Thanks a lot for reading
PS: I don't know English very well so I apologize if the text is confusing.
R: 7 / I: 0

I am trapped

Living with parents right now. They were the one that plunged me into the pits of hell in the first place by interfering with my projects, aspirations, friendship, routines, etc (I already forgotten so much and trying to remember just makes my head hurt and wanna cry). I should've had finished college in time if not for their interference, now that I've graduated and lived with my parents, I simply can't structured my mind just to write a CV, I know this sounds faggy as fuck, but I simply doesn't feel at home here. Just did the "talk" with them and I feel I just wanted to end it all. I really need to gtfo away from them, but that requires me getting a job; which I can't bring myself to while still living with them. Not really asking for advice, simply need to write this somewhere to vent and keep myself from revenge hero'ing against my parents and sister.
R: 76 / I: 6

MittenSquad was a wizard all this time

Wiz was a mute all through school and made no friends because of his face

Wiz was depressed most of his life, never having the opportunity to live like the rest or be accepted by other humans

Wiz was bullied and rejected for his looks and developed depression

Wiz liked videogames because it did not involve other people who judged him and made him feel miserable

Wiz liked videogames so much that he created a youtube channel dedicated to it

Wiz youtube channel dedicated to videogames was a success(1 million subscribers)

but Wiz never showed his face

Wiz have no need to, Wiz was funny and people liked him

then one day

Wiz did a face reveal

Wiz thought the people who at one point rejected him for his face will now accept him for who he is with open arms, after all, they loved his personality…

Wiz was wrong and after the face reveal video the views decreased drastically and he became a meme

All this time, Wiz was drowning his sorrows and became an alcoholic to cope with his life

Wiz despite having success as a youtube guy still was depressed

so he developed pancreatitis as a result

and then

Wiz died

in his late 20s

like

a

True Wiz

He drank himself to death
R: 6 / I: 0

Life Sucks

Hey Wizards! Lately I have not been doing very well mentally, I have been thinking about quitting my job but if I do that my parents will be mad at me plus it is hard to find a job for me.

Why was I born this way? With such a negative outlook on life? With this way of acting different from others?
R: 26 / I: 2
I just want to be human. Every day I wake up and it goes the same way: pre-made meals or super low effort food, same 1 video game I keep playing, browsing imageboards while watching a stream… at the end of every day I am so disgusted by how dull it all was that it feels impossible that I will spend another day like this only to repeat it. Now I am suddenly 32 and it feels unbelivable. I feel regret only to then realize that I can't deviate from this routine. The other day I FINALLY unboxed the console I bought 4 years ago and that actually took me mental effort. I don't even think I have autism that could excuse this. I have things I want to do but doing something that won't give me any instant gratification feels simply impossible. Could it be because of anhedonia? I tried to read a book I bought but reading it I feel nothing even if it interests me. I could honestly just lie in bed all day. Thinking about doing anything, even something that should be entertaining doesn't excite me. Without anything I am physically passionate about, things I have a deep knowledge in, life experience I just don't feel like a person.
R: 8 / I: 1

printed\ media ruined my life, how to escape

Almost every single major fuck-up in my little life, and every long-lasting consequence I still suffer, is due to media: Watching m*dels in magazines when I was like 5, or when I was 6-14 in dr's waiting room, social media, hollywood shit, hours and hours wasted on vidya. Being a weeb\nerd due to anime, and even I watched the shitty ones. PMO, of course for pete's sake.
I can't change the past but how do I stir the boat in the good direction now? Do I make a "bucket list" of media to consume (anime, netflix cartoos etc) + an alloted time per week to use internet for new media of those series? I want to literally stop using the internet, netflix\TV or vidya. Just be ALIVE and LIVE.
How do I even start accomplishing this? I want to be a real human, for once.
R: 40 / I: 0
I used to be obviously depressed. I knew I was miserable, and it showed.
I've grown accustomed to my loneliness or something, but these days I'm mostly fine - I get on with whatever I'm doing, and am usually pretty content.
this can go on for weeks, I'm fine being on my own, then some sort of trigger event happens
then suddenly, I'm as miserable as i ought to be. I'm a 32 year old, friendless, khv with no prospects, zero drive to do anything worthwhile, just marking time. i realize how awful this is, and how awful the rest of it is going to be
and im crying, whinnying and my thoughts are racing at 4000mph and im going to kill myself - this time i'm actually going to do it, i make screaming noises and sometimes i punch myself
and just as quickly as it came on, i'm back to normal
it feels like stepping out of a sauna. very sudden relief
the box gets slammed shut and im completely fine again

i am fine, but i feel like one day i'm going to explode
R: 11 / I: 1

Forced to live

I'm cursed. I have physical and mental disabilities that make life impossible.

I have no way to cope, I don't use drugs, I don't believe in god, etc…

Suicide might be my only option but I don't know how to do that, I risk to suffer even more. For example if I stopped eating they would put me in a psych ward with artificial nutrition. I thought about drowning myself but what if I just end up with water in my lungs.

I feel like I'm forced to live, how to escape from never ending pain? I'm the living proof of why people shouldn't have children.
R: 24 / I: 1

Anime NEETs how do you cope?

I hate the world that I live in. It all feels inauthentic, meaningless, and boring. The only thing that really brings me joy is escapism. I read novels, manga, and watch anime and movies and get so attached to the storyline and characters and setting. But they all come to an end eventually. It's exceedingly brutal because I don't have anything going on in my life so I become significantly emotionally invested into these things. It's hard for me to move on. And then it saddens me when I realize the joy and fulfillment that piece of media gave me is missing from my life, and that I will never get to experience it for the first time again. I also worry about running out of good media, which would mean the end of my escapist copes.

I hate that these copes are so transient and fleeting, and I hate how boring real life is.
R: 49 / I: 4

Ridicule

Does anyone else often get ridiculed for their appearance by random strangers when going out for a walk?
R: 4 / I: 0

Videogame brain?

Do you think growing up with video games ruined me?

I can't help but get angry at how life is a roguelike game with a randomly generated starter character you only get to play once. Fucked up your health permanently through bad decisions? Too bad you have to live with it even if you now have a healthy lifetyle. Found a new passion in life? Too bad you are now too old to pursue it. Want to study math? Well too bad you were born with a low IQ…

I just hate how you can get locked out of certain routes in life as time goes on or they were locked from the start. I hate how you have no control over what thoughts you get so you can waste your youth doing dumb shit only to realize it once you are an adult and the damage has been done.

I should just focus on what I can change and on the future but I can't help but feel frustrated over this. I can't help but feel envy towards those who managed to be in the right place and make the right decisions to end up with an amazing life and be frustarted at my past self for being so careless.
R: 11 / I: 2

I can't stand the guilt, wanna die

Im 29 years old and on semen retention, celibate streak. Even mental celibacy as much as I can ,but Im extremely aroused by, and attracted to, succubi in the 6-11 year old range. I feel so very bad morally and spiritually. Im 29, a full man, and lust after a 7 year old succubus or even 5 in some special, less frequent cases.
I genuinely feel like dying. What can I do? what do I DO now?
R: 15 / I: 1

i wish people didnt ask me who i am or where im from

I have no idea who i am and where i belong to. I don't want to be noticed, seen nor do i want to be remembered, i don't want anyone to know i exist, I dont even want to exist. Really wish i could get into a freak accident then get so brain damaged that Iforget everything about my self and past. I'm detached from everyone, the world around me and the body i inhabit. I feel nothing for other people and hold no connection towards them.
I dont have a place I feel connected to. I dont have a home. I dont have parents, I dont have a family, I dont have friends, i dont have a self, i dont have anything. I've been living in a perpetual day dream/delusion for decades and thats the only reason ive put up with existing for so long. everyday of my pathetic life is spent trying to not end it. why am I the way I am?
R: 48 / I: 4

are "the dark ones" actually right?

chronic alcoholics, drug addicts, homeless schizos, career criminals, neets who are one or more of this options, all mixes of these: Are they actually correct? if life is absurd and meaningless: why play by the rules? Why not maximize pleasure at the expense of everybody else?
Serious discussion here. Every day, I DESPISE more and more family men, job-havers, preachy-preachy goody two-shoes, anyone who works for stability, governance, administration and organisation of communities.
R: 2 / I: 0
I want to start obtaining and doing benzos, Xanax and\or Clonazepam, and drinking alcohol daily all the time. I have my own apartment now but I just feel and see nihilism everywhere. I can lived without working due to investments + disability pension which is based on Real motor disability, disability Tax exemptions etc. so far I DO work and a lot, but it's for time-wasting's sake.

I really feel desperate and despondent about society, social relations, life-long projects or before-I-die bucket lists and prospects towards old age. Im a man, 29 years old. Benzos + alcohol will probably kill me if withdrawal doesn't but I've done and seen so much (bad stuff), I don't like being aware of reality any more.

I won't buy illegal drugs but I would (I hope I can stop this plan in time) lie \ fake \ fraud symptoms to my psychiatrist to obtain legal doses and prescriptions. I already used to take non-Benzo meds for 10 years, I stopped recently as I was "given the medical OK" and declared suitable for living without meds. Getting drunk is legal but only inside your house, so if I while drunk decide to leave the house, it's illegal (public disorder, threatening behaviour etc). But really in my Country you can do anything to yourself within your property.

Deep down I know this path is so wrong but I can't stop heading down it. my last rescue would be , to stop this from starting, going back to churches, talk to priest, maybe community meetings. But Im terrified of making long-lasting social relationships so I can't form part of a Community anymore. I even have almost totally stopped consuming Culture and Art (no anime, no vidya, no memes or shitposts) because that's so eminently communal and bonding, I hate national identities and housing codes, it all reinforces bonding and kinship. really,, neighbourhoods are for benefiting the community itself, it kills every Ego in a mass sacrifice.
R: 11 / I: 2

Are you actively trying to get over your issues?

Just curious if you are or aren't. If you are, what are you doing? How is it working? If you're not, why not?
R: 26 / I: 15

annoying beings

clingy tacky
I have a shit personnality. I am clingy and tacky. people I talk to are fed up because I take their time with stupid questions or comments I make. I'm a real shit
R: 7 / I: 0

A glimpse into normalcy, perhaps even more

This evening (or rather very early in the morning) I had a very (perhaps instructive, it remains to be seen) particular contrasting experience. I was as usual due, to unstability of the mind, fail to accomplish what I set upon myself earlier: that is to simply slept early rather than late. Instead, I once again fell into the same destructive behavior of putting whatever url or search terms despite not actually interested in the subject, for the unfathomable instinct to not sleep but rather do "something".

This cost me sleep time, and when I finally told myself to went to bed, I was unable to drift to the dreamworld despite thinking nothing for the better part of the half-hour. So I woke up, and then I masturbate, something clicked then, but nothing decisive. My mind continue on its chaotic state and I was still unable to sleep. Then I masturbated again an hour later. Everything is calm then, and even so until now.

Suddenly I found myself able to do things that for the last two years I can only dreamt of doing. I can sit with great calm, even my extremites aren't compelled to fidget or vibrate for the sake of movement. Its as if I'm detached from the physical body, and yet silmutaneously, for the first time in months I am in full control of my body and spirit. I can read long passages and paragraphs without feeling nauseatic. I can commit to a task such as writing this thread without diverting my focus elsewhere, nor does my mind have any compelling to do so.

There are few minutes however, when I could feel it in my head and mind that I'm slipping to my previous destructive-unfocused self. That I'm at the verge of losing control. It is terrifying, dreadful. Because I know that at the end, I will slip to that evil state that destroys me so much. This is not the first time that I had this sort of experience, everytime I managed to retain control for perhaps a few hours or even a full day. But something always broke that most graceful state, either interraction with other people or the mere impetus of the physical body, evident by the sudden nausea I that appeared when I was reading the long paragraph I a few moment prior was just comfortable with. Ultimately, the act of drifting to sleep seems to reset this control to the old cursed status quo.

At this very moment nausea is overcoming myself, and my vision felt as if it is oscilating though it doesn't. This I suspect howver, is due to the affect of sleep depriviation rather then whatever curse that had befell me. But I still retain that out of body control over myself, even with the slowing thought and the even worse lethologica than usual.

Throughout my life, never have I abuse drug or consume any for that matter for concerns other than phsyical harm. Yet this happened to me. It is not feasible for me to medicate myself or even properly diagnose myself in the forseeable future. But I think this whole experience reafirm the truth that I already know and hold: that these things are beyond me and I've tried my best. It gives some form of reassurance, and whether I continue to live like this or somehow through a miracle is lifted from this state, I guess I will do my best to live. It isn't my fault after all and I'm relieved from the burden of having think that it is mine.

Forgive me for the rather latter part of this writing that might sound very normiespeak as in a normie that just realize these truths. I am not one of those I can assure you, though to those that just realize these truths, it does not make you any less either for the attainment of this things are a sort of grace, whether you believe in God or not, and it is better for us to treat all matter in humility.

Ah, sorry for digressing. But I've say what I feel I need to say. The threat of sleep is casting its shadow on me, too bad as I was hoping of finishing my CV and job application that I wasn't able to do in months.
R: 4 / I: 0

At least 6mg of clonazepam. At least 500g of Tramadol. One decent sized cannabis edible. 355ml 35ABV% alcohol being chased by sprite

Unlikely to kill me to be honest, desire more benzos and stronger opioid, not pussy ass Tramadol. I use for fun, life is too painful, suicide is relief. You virgins don't know what's using, you don't know what you're missing, you are completely club sheeple. Just take the pills and chase them with a shot of bombay sapphire and feel no paint.
R: 2 / I: 0
Mom has guests over again.

Too afraid to go to the bathroom so I just had to shit in a garbage bag, then tie it up. It's under my bed right now and I'll take it out later.

Social anxiety and anti-social behavior is hell.
R: 2 / I: 0

Boredom except very Intense

Does anyone else experience boredom or lack of interest so intense as to be unutterably monotonous and to cause anger and irritability?
If I drink a lot of caffeine I'm interested and able to read and listen to music but without it I'm miserably uninterested in anything
I have schizoaffective and am a NEET
R: 41 / I: 3

I'm in hell

I genuinely cannot see how this world could be anything but hell. It's as if everything has been finely crafted for my suffering and misery. I'm not even in an incredibly poor or war torn area, but I know that I do not, and could not ever have the means to do anything with it. If you took any random street shitter from Mumbai, they would be more capable than me. They are stronger than me, and are more fit for survival in this world than me. The same could be said of nearly any person if you were to choose someone random 1000 times. I am weak. I am hideous. I am mentally deficient. I am utterly incompetent and incapable of doing anything that could make my life better in any way. My life is just a train crash that I am forced to slowly watch while knowing there is nothing I can do but take a seat and wait for oblivion. I do not see how this could even be an accident. I got one in a couple billion shit luck, and you mean to tell me this is just the result of randomness? No, there is definitely something out there that sent me here to suffer. There's no way. I can't accept anything else.
R: 5 / I: 0
Why did I have to be me?

No hate but unlike some wizards here I am not jaded. I want to enjoy life but my personality and brain is just complete garbage and make me unable to. I can't even improve myself because how can self-improvement come from a faulty mind?
R: 43 / I: 6

It's over - thread for the doomed

Hello. Despite this being a depression board, it seems most people are still around trying to do something. I am in a situation where except dying there is nothing to do, so i decided to make a thread wondering if there are any other people like me online, since it's almost impossible to find anyone even on the outskirts of the internet.

tl;dr i have countless diagnosed and undiagnosed physical illnesses which cause me agony daily and i feel like i'm dying every day, spent all my money on doctors and went into debt, cant make any more money, will eventually be homeless(can happen at any time), addicted to xanax that if i quit im gonna get seizures, i will never have a normal home(never had my own room) or family(mentally retarded?) not to mention my mental health problems etc.
Overall I guess I have around 10 major problems of which each is lethal and will kill me, and 100s of minor ones(which a normal person would consider unbearable). I have nothing and noone, my life self-destructed this the year and it's been half a year of pointless suffering knowing i'm gonna die anyway. I just couldn't push myself to end it since i'm the biggest coward in this world.
I guess i'm not sure if there's anything to talk about, since everyone in similar situations is either dead or sleeping under the bridge and dying. I just lost interest in talking to anyone since I know they can't comprehend my situation at all. Even on suicide forums maybe even 1 person out of 100 is in a situation comparable to mine. So I just made this pointless thread.
If life is truly over for you, and you don't know what to do, this thread is for you.
R: 6 / I: 0

reverse bucket list

A bucket list is understood as stuff you wanna do before you die.I want to make a list of stuff TO DO TO die.I have to explain myself now: i'll squeeze this samsaric earth dry of everything I want off it, then somehow meditate my own death.Maybe I'll manifest getting cancer, teleport to another Realm, soul manuall exits the body ,etc
anyways since this is a suicide board- do YOU have a RBL? Whatt's in it? do you rush, make efforts, and sacrifices to get it done as quick as possible so you can finally die?
R: 17 / I: 0

Don't even feel real anymore

Up to the age of 17 or 18 I consistently felt sad and defeated already, but at least I felt alive, felt live I had a human being agency.
Now I barely feel human. I don't feel emotions, don't have any belief in myself, all my interaction with other people feels like I'm pretending to be someone, while Real Me is just a hollow husk. Consuming content doesn't work, I fail to engage with emotional beats, don't feel rewarded when I engage intellectually into something, it feels very weird seeing myself in the mirror because I think I've completely detached myself from my body after some years of NEETdom. I am capable of some intellectual tasks, but I get drained very fast. Like I can sprint something once in a while, but then I get burnt out and back to rotting, never finishing ever. It doesn't real that I could have an agency or make something or improve my life because I don't even feel like I deserve to be part of life.

Does anyone relate to any of this? Have you managed to escape it?
R: 6 / I: 0

Am I the most useless person alive?

When I think about my life and myself it feels too ridiculous to be real.

It seems like everyone does something. Most people, no matter how dysfunctional, have a job. Driving a car is the most mundane thing to most people and yet it feels like something I will never be able to. I sometimes wonder if that might my key to normalcy: get a license to prove that I am not totally inept. The people who NEET at least spend that time with some kind of hobby. But I just pass the time online reading random shit until I get tired enough to sleep. Some suffer from video game addiction but I can't even do something this engaging. Social underachievers at least are able to piggyback off others but I'm totally isolated.

The strangest thing about all this is that I actually have interests and I've read enough self-help advice to get an idea what to do but I just can't do anything. Even something as simple as starting taking Vitamin D pills to fix my deficiency took me years. Other people suffering from similar issues manage to try out different meds and supplements and diets but I'm too lazy.
R: 30 / I: 9

/drugs/ - Alcohol & drugs general #3

It's not a secret that lots of wizards abuse alcohol and/or drugs for any reason (i.e. to cope), some might even consider themselves alcoholics and/or drug addicts. Using is a big part of our lives and we should have a space to express our horrible daily experience.

Share whatever's on your head. Your latest favorite substance, the hardships of being a fiend on top of being a wizard, favorite drinks, worst drinks, substances you wish you had, drugs you wish you never tried, your experience with withdrawals, etc.

>drinking or using drugs=social interaction

Using/acquiring drugs or alcohol is not inherently social. Compare them to the act of acquiring and eating food, are those inherently social? not really.
R: 241 / I: 14

Traumatic Experiences

Share your various traumatic experiences that still haunts you to this very day.
R: 20 / I: 0

future blindness

I am incapable of considering and preparing for the future and it fucks me up.

I didn't have motivation to study in college because I hated my subject and didn't really care about money because all I did was browse the net, watch anime, read manga and play retro video games which you can all do with a cheap laptop. I thought that the future will just get better and we might get UBI and more cheap escapist technology. I never even considered the fact that:

>i will get tired of these things and want more

>i will get sick of consooming and want to create
>my parents will get tired of me and we will get into arguments
>the future will actually get worse because of the economy, global instability and climate change
>neetbux could get reduced, come with harsh conditions or straight up canceled
>my health will get worse as the 20s buff wears off and I might need more money for better healthcare

Now I got tired of video games, internet and anime but these things ruined my attention span so its hard to focus on things that are more challenging and dont give instant gratification.

I want to finally move out but with the current housing crisis it seems impossible.

I have constant anxiety for the future and wish I had money and skills to at least have some mobility and choice and not just be at the mercy of fate.

My back hurts and I need to get a good mattress but no money thanks to the increased food prices.

There is no choice but to prepare for the future and do damage control but the mistakes of the past weigh on me every day. Especially since the mistakes I made were so obvious if I took the time to think for a few minutes and wasn't such an escapist addicted manchild who thought he could hide from reality if he ignored it.