/dep/ - Depression★

>>297373 (OP)
you are unironically at the end of the road if you are 36 and have no skills, no qualifications, no job, no money, no social safety net and no family support.

idk if its doable but I can tell you thats its going to take you a lot of work and effort for you to get out of that hole and if you didnt had the will and discipline to reach any of these things things then its unlikely you will have it in the future.
your options are:
>rope
or
>learn some skill and get good enough that you can work some simple job that allows you to survive for another 30 or so years until the oldfag poverty catches up.
good luck man you gonna need it

>>297373 (OP)
Which country?
>>297375
These posts scare me, I am 22 and in a college right now but I don't see myself getting a job although I pray to God that I get a job. Otherwise, I don't even know what I am gonna do because I am too cowardly to kms.

>>297375
you're devoided of soul

>>297377
this post >>297375 is made a kind of energy vampire who feeds on bringing wizzies down and making them miserable and fearful
people in real life are much more empathetic than it may seem for someone whose only view of the world is through the lens of the internet

>>297377
Turkey

istanbul?

>>297400
Konya

>>297377
and you should be scared because getting even a shitty job is getting more difficult every day.
as a wizard you can also basically forget about having a career, socialized normalfags will never allow you to get forward beyond the entry level.
and even if you get the job, you probably wont even keep it for long because normalfags will bully you out of it or fire you to hire a fellow normalfag instead.

>>297379
>>297380
sorry but the Truth isnt pretty, its cold and harsh and doesnt give a shit how you feel.
I prefer the truth to the comfortable lies and lying to OP wouldnt be honest and wouldnt help him in any way.

also we are all in the same Boat anyway and everyone of us will eventually reach this point, some reach it early and some can drag it out into old age.

>>297405
Good post. I'm in my 30s and completely agree with all that. It is very hard to accept how cruel and difficult the world is, but it is best for it to be done. I was far, far too unaware and hopeful. I graduated university many years ago and never got a job; i didnt even have awareness how useless degrees are if you dont do other things. It is total delusion to think you can just go well at college and then a job will fall into your lap, it takes much more than even getting top grades

>>297405
I see folks with Masters and phDs who can't even land a shitty job that their barely literate grandad worked at, imagine how rough it would be for someone who lacks even a basic college degree.

>>297408
For someone who cant make use of the degree it is better to have done nothing than having the debt and wasted 4 years of youth suffering for nothing. Especially since so many people do computer science where one certification or a few solo projects genuinely teach more and make you more employable than the scammy degree that nobody cares about

>>297405
How do you explain the many Wizards here who jobs that they maintained for a long time?

>>297418
1) Most people on here are young normalfags, not 30+ wizards
2) There are of course a wide spectrum of people. It is true that some wizards could be relatively free from anxiety and have some level of social skills. That doesnt mean the sentiment of the post isnt true in general.
3) Even in the last few years the situation has changed dramatically. Getting an IT job in 2019 was a totally different game than now. If someone got a stable position and experience back then, everything will be different for them forever.

>>297419
Because of the post-COVID recession reducing the number of available jobs?

>>297419
>Even in the last few years the situation has changed dramatically. Getting an IT job in 2019 was a totally different game than now. If someone got a stable position and experience back then, everything will be different for them forever.

Early millennials got the better end of the stick, most normalfags did not how to use a computer beyond basic tasks. Mid-millennials who realised that something was changing were the last ones to get into the IT industry.

Coming into my 30s the thing that I find most crushing is the complete lack of any importance to my life. If I think about what I like about films, books, and games… I can always see that they follow characters who play essential roles at such junctions in time. Maybe there are tasks that only they can do but critically it gives them a reason to… well… do anything at all.

What about 30+ people who will never have a family, might have no job, are part of no organization, or anything. We're just side characters. No one would notice if we disappeared. Most of us would be lucky if anyone acknowledged them. People are gonna miss the point of this post and say that "this is a post about being noticed" which is normie. But it's really not. I speak about having any kind of meaningful role to play in the world. Like at all. People are free to set goals for "Self improvement." But what are you even self-improving for without a purpose?

It seems to me like most of us have no role in history. As technology progressed to overcome challenges, we became comfortable, and maybe the price of being comfortable is to give up purpose. But comfort is also a form of stagnation. You have no reason to seek out anything new because you already have everything. It's a strange box that we live in. In many ways we are living out the dystopian future philosophers warned about. And we have become imprisoned by technology. Even beyond the extent to which Kaczynski warned. It's likely there will be people on this site whose main body of experience comes from a screen by the time they die. If it hasn't happened already.

It really is a prison but one we did to ourselves and I'm not sure if its too late to walk away now.

I don't know if what I'm going to say will be valuable. But… I'll give it a shot.

I have mental illnesses like you, OP. Not schizophrenia but depression, agoraphobia, and I'm on the autism spectrum. I realized I couldn't work a normal job either so I started looked into programming. In the beginning I only knew how to find work where there were employers trying to outsource everything. These were shitty jobs that paid dollars an hour (if even that). But I got very good at finding jobs. Eventually earning a significant amount and using my autism powers to learn skills that made me highly valuable. I have been regularly hired by people with masters and PhDs throughout my career despite never stepping foot in a university (even by people who worked at top companies like Google, Uber, Twitter, Facebook, 'Meta')

Just learn 2 code bruh.

I want to be realistic though. I'm not telling you to learn to code as "my advice" per se. Just sharing that there are jobs out there for people like us. It wasn't easy for me to do this. To start with I spent years writing software (open source) and even longer if you count general computer stuff before I landed my first job. So I don't want to make out like this is something you would learn in an afternoon and then go and work at google. That's not realistic. But I'm telling you about this to share my perspective with you. That you might find it interesting or relevant. Since I am scared to leave my house yet I've managed to be more successful than an average normie.

Will tell you some follow-up thoughts on where the software industry is at the moment. So during COVID everyone went online, companies had massive surges in profit, and over-hired engineers. After COVID, their revenues went down, and they had many extra employees. They laid them off… At the same time: many more people were signing up to get comp science degrees because they thought it was a ticket to an easy 6 figure job. However, there's only a limited number of entry level jobs and it will be a long time before these kids are considered valuable by the average company.

The software industry isn't dead but if you only focus on inefficiencies it seems that way. I would say that most of the year at the moment is now not worthwhile for applying to roles. However, there's an exception which is particularly January, and the next two months, have an influx of roles. New budgets get approved for the year, new jobs are posted, and companies are active with what they're hiring for. I haven't seen any other productive months so far. With that said: I'm only sharing my experience as an example. Tech is extremely competitive and I do think there would be other careers you could look into. I just wanted not to discourage you and say that its pointless.

I never did well in math, the only class I was good at or interested in was computers. I don't think any of my high school teachers ever thought I'd amount to much. But one day I just started spinning my hands around. I said "I'm a fan" "I'm a fan." And the room started clapping. Now I post from a special facility that let me be a dedicated fan most of the year. Except sometimes I also swap to using a sock. That's when I'm a heater (in the colder months.) I hope you found my post inspiring. It inspired me a lot to write it. I have to go heat now. I only get to have human consciousness for an hour at midnight. The rest of the day I'm either a fan or a heater. It's time.

>>297373 (OP)
>once you enter your 30s without any skills qualifications or are capeable of work the chance of you being capeable of turning your life around becomes too small
I would say your situation is arguably better than someone who is working a dead end job to suport themselves, because they wouldn't have the time to go do a course and begin a new career like you can.
You could do a beginner's course at a local college in anything from plastering to programming and you'll be on a ladder to something better immediately.

>>297423
I can see your point I always wanted to get into Programming But I don't have a Laptop
>>297424
I would have gotten into College decades ago If not for my disability But I appreciate you taking the time to write this

>>297423
As another poster in another thread pointed out, if you have this much success you don't have autism. And your depression must be extremely light.

>>297429
Yeah, this is horrible logic and that's not how that works any way. Autism is a spectrum of symptoms and people may be very effected in some areas and not others. My symptoms also aren't consistent in severity and sometimes I can work a job, sometimes not. I think its insulting that you're here trying to gas light and deny people's health problems. Don't expect people to want to share if people like this crawl out the woodwork when they do.

>>297427
Anon, I think a trade might work well. I watched a family member do this once. He literally just called up different businesses from the phone book and asked them if they had any work. Like a regular chat. He said he was sick of doing nothing and wanted to work. His convo was very honest and to the point. Not even joking. From this he managed to get an apprenticeship as a roofer (which pays a fuck load) and later a painter (I forget which order this happened.) He had no drivers license so the owner just picked him up every morning and he would work with them.

I actually think if you did that you would be surprised what people say.

>>297373 (OP)
I mean if it helps, studies done on children have found that there is little impact one’s childhood has on their adult years.

>>297430
>Don't expect people to want to share if people like this crawl out the woodwork when they do.
Good. Stop sharing about your "autism". Let us discourage self-destructive echo chambers that reinforce hopelessness. Let us stop suggesting that any guy who is shy, feeling blue, a little slow to learn, or uninterested in mundane topics has some sort of life-restraining brain condition. Let us not keep it in young mens' heads that they are doomed to a life of depression because they have "autism".

>>297433
I have no idea how to interpret your post. I can't tell which parts are meant to be taken as sarcasm or not since you put quotes around autism.

>>297430
The point is that people here have read posts like yours all over the internet. It's attention whoring.
>look at me I'm living a great life making 6 figures , I'm intelligent and smart and hard working, just be like me bruuh

This is not helpful or motivational. It's self advertisement.

>>297410
>one certification or a few solo projects genuinely teach more [than a comp sci. degree]
>scammy degree that nobody cares about

Got a computer science degree because I got into programming senior year of HS and loved designing stuff with code. I have been incredibly disappointed by the reality of the field and much of the stuff I had to do during college. Its not that fun to design stuff where all you do is tediously search through documentation and have to try and make a bunch of libraries other people wrote work together. Also the field is so damn hyper-competitive yet plagued with absolute fucking idiots. I always felt like I sucked compared to everyone else in my field because I didn't want to do tons of extra work outside of my course load, whats the point of even going to college for comp sci if I need to do a ton of work by myself to actually be competitive? A major reason I wanted to go was because I'm awful at self-directed learning.

Now I have a degree I'll probably never use. I haven't even tried getting a job in the field because I know I suck too much to do well and would need to do a lot of practice before I could even perform at the bare minimum acceptable level. I don't have the energy or motivation for that. I don't want to deal with getting stuck on something during my practice and getting so upset I throw a tantrum and hit stuff. The possibility of this would constantly hang over my head, id be miserable most likely. I wouldnt be interested in most of the stuff I study either: I've had such severe meltdowns over being unable to code well enough that my passion for it is dead and now I dread doing it.

Right now I'm living with my parents working at a grocery store part time. Its better this way, I just want my life to have as little stress and work as possible

>>297427
The only way to earn via coding and no degree is if you become some sort of elite hacker which most can't and start stealing money, or you create some legendary software and publish it with trial periods and it gets famous. Getting a job in IT industry is hard.

As I have said before, I am pursuing a useless degree in tech in India, so you already know that there are gorillions of people applying for like ten jobs on the market, and only the people who cracked good college entrance exams and have high cgpa in top colleges get a job here, otherwise you're shit out of luck in this country. I imagine things are this bad everywhere, I have a little too many cousins in America who earn 6-7 figures and even they are having a hard time switching and finding jobs.

And of course my entire family compares me to those lucky pieces of shit about how they earn so much, how they live in America, how they got so many good offers for marriages, how they are raising kids yada yada, makes me feel really inferior to them because all I do is bed rot and when I am not bed rotting and go to college, all I see are couples enjoying their lives. So there is that.

>>297431
Damn, first world is really a dream, I would honestly love to do trades like roofing, but they don't pay anything in India, like literally nothing, and those who do work in these trades live in slums lol. I am lucky that for now I don't live in slums. Hell, I might even join the cucked military if I was in the first world, although I imagine I would be bullied a lot there.

>>297435
Honestly I have a problem with posts like this because people on this site will ask for advice all the time yet when someone in the same situation (or worse) chimes in to give it a million crabs will rise up to say its bullshit. Listing as many reasons as possible to ignore it. I don't think posters like you really want advice. You want someone to tell you that everything is pointless so you're justified in doing nothing. I don't really think there's anything I could tell you that would help when you've already decided everything is pointless.

>>297438
i wouldnt last in indian as a wiz. fuck. that thought is scary.

>>297431
A long time ago my Dad tried to get me into welding since a good friend of my dad was an expert welder that I could learn under, but under my condition, episodes, and regular need to spend time in the psychward he decided it wasn't a good idea if I can't be present in the work place regularly, I even got conscripted to join the military in my early 20s but I was too unhealthy for it and I was dumped even from the military.

>>297441
if its any comfort i do think people like you should be helped by society. you're extremely vulnerable and society should take care of people that cant help themselves if its a society at all. if i had any power id help u wizzie. sorry man.

>>297443
I know your intentions are good but I hate to feel self entitled especially seeing how much my mom is sacraficing for my medical bills and psychward visits and her only source of income comes from my dead dad's pension

>>297423
lol funny guy, you are actually better off than most wizards and normalfags.
you managed what even the majority of normalfags dont ever get done.
you got the brains, the curiosity, the will and the discipline to learn things and you managed to succeed in that enough that you can earn decently.
you are nothing like OP or most wizards and your advice doesnt really help OP or wizzies in similar situations in any way.
Like OP is nothing like you, he doesnt have the discipline, the will, the brains etc. to do even 1% of what you did even if he had another 2 decades he wouldnt ever figure any of this out on his own.

and if we are honest you probably arent all that far away from being a normalfag.

>>297439
Well I won't say that your advice is bullshit, btw I am neither OP nor the person you're responding to, I am grateful you shared this. First off, congrats on making out of this situation, you deserve it if you're as talented as you'd say, however I didn't quite comprehend the advice, like you're suggesting us to do coding, but how are we supposed to compete with the millions of people who're in this field. A degree is mostly useless in getting a job but important in getting an interview where I live, are you suggesting that we gather some real skills? If so, then how? I do coding, but I can never get very far in it, just enough to clear my college exams, what do you suggest people like OP or me really do?

>>297434
Nothing is sarcasm. I type "autism" because this site and the internet as a whole prove that there's no agreed upon definition of that word. It went from a concise medical label to a fluid spectral array of concepts. The word covers everything and nothing now.

>>297457
I've watched multiple people over the years try give advice on this website. And every time they've been met with angry, cynical posts like this attempting to undermine them. Essentially, anyone with a clue gets chased away by crabs… and this hasn't happened just once. It's practically the origin story of this website. Then you guys wonder why you're fucked and have no options.

Part of me wonders how many wizards may have killed themselves following the views in posts like this one. Even when such posters aren't qualified to make a chicken sandwich, for FUCK SAKE. I accept that the odds are stacked against us (and there's no Misaki or Yamazaki showing up to help. Life is not a RAT MILKING cartoon.) But you've got to do everything you can to advocate for yourself. No one is going to push your shitty life forward if you won't. We are all in different situations; I don't presume to know what issues you face. Yet you seem convinced that nothing could work for a wizard.

Well, you're right. If you won't try anything, nothing will work. But please, stop trying to convince others of your views. Since anyone who listens to you is going to end up totally fucked too.

>>297458
I posted about "going into tech" when it was still good advice (as did others) and was undermined with similar posts to this thread. Going into tech now would be folly (and I could talk about why for a long time.)

A couple posts above I wrote about how I watched an unemployed family member literally sit down at the dining table and start calling businesses to find a job. They had no prior qualifications. Not even a license. But it was only a few calls in before they found a life changing opportunity as a local apprentice (either a painter or roofer, I can't remember which came first.)

OP seems to be from the third-world though and has a serious health issue. In the west, he would be able to claim disability (which is really what he should be on now.) Most people with schizophrenia can't work.

Idk how I can mentally recover from being 30+ with no savings, degree or a skill. I know I did it to myself and crying about it won't make things better but it just feels so hopeless. It's important to feel a sense of satisfaction from making progress but I am in such a deep hole that no realistic progress will make me feel good.

>>297466
If it were me I'd tell people you were looking after a loved one and had no time for a job. Sadly, it left you with no experience and a giant gap on your resume. The funny thing is a prisoner would probably have a better shot at finding work than if you told an employer the truth. The standard line you use is "you were doing consulting" for shortish gaps but I'd prob tell people you were caring for your grandma or something for gaps this massive. At least you would still pass any background checks and drug tests (which is more than some people.)

>>297465
>watched an unemployed family member literally sit down at the dining table and start calling businesses to find a job.
but the detail you are missing here is that its a normalfag and for normalfags doing this is easy.

>>297468
You might be right. I never did what he did because I'm scared of people. So I hid in my room and worked on the computer instead. The most I've done is email people and do online interviews to get jobs. It's horrible, but after you do an interview you can at least work from home.

I think the reason my family member's approach worked is its such an unusual, direct (and IMO: traditional) approach. Most people just spam jobs out online. But since he was calling he would have been talking directly to small business owners so he was very easily noticed. I know its cliched advice but employers love when people show initiative and passion for what they're doing.

To translate that to tech: if it were a job I thought I was ideally suited for. I would literally read through the companies' code on Github. Note what I liked, ways to improve it, and the core problem they're trying to solve. Then I'd craft a cover letter mentioning that and acknowledging any prior open source projects I've done that demonstrated experience in such areas. Doing this has almost always landed me an interview and usually a job offer.

What changed isn't that my methods for tech jobs suddenly stopped working. It's that suitable roles have stopped being posted altogether. Now, the only time this really seems not to be the case is during Jan - Feb, when new roles are posted. I just feel like now if you're not hired when the year is fresh its a fucking waste of time. Might as well work on your portfolio or go flip burgers at mcdonalds… But I'm guessing they would require a PhD in burger flipping or some shit? God only knows.

>>297373 (OP)
the biggest issue with trying to "turn your life around" post the age of 30 is the fact your cognitive abilities are going to be way worse then they were when you were in your late teen years, learning to plumb or to code or any other skill is going to be way harder when you do it at the age of 30 versus when you do it at the age of 18 since the human brain degrades with the time especially if you spent ages out of education when your brain becomes "out of shape" after not using it for a long time, people don't realize this fact when they say "it's never too late".

>>297465
>an unemployed family member literally sit down at the dining table and start calling businesses to find a job.

That is one of the worst pieces of advice I've ever read and was only true maybe 30+ years before every job required a mobile phone number and an email address. Hell I remember doing this 10+ years ago, I was going to wageslave place to wageslave place with a CV and every single person was "apply on the website".

>>297476
Just telling you what happened. They were all trade jobs (often tradies list their own mobiles in the phone book. Tradies hate technology.) I think this would still work well to get an apprenticeship. Though maybe I'm mistaken.

>>297439
What that guy said was not advise. He literally just said Learn 2 code bruh, with no elaboration.
I've done courses in Python and HTML/CSS/Javascript. At which point have I "learnt to code"? At which point am I able to apply for jobs? Where do I even find jobs to apply for since there's barely anything on job match websites? No one can answer these questions. Then you find out they were given a job by their cousin.

>>297491
I specifically said it wasn't advice and went out of my way to say that going into tech right now was a bad idea. I posted it because I wanted to show there are jobs for people with mental illnesses. This is in contrast to most of what gets posted here which is imo: the blind leading the blind and posts goading each other into suicide.

I don't think I would waste time posting specifics because I'm tired of having what I say instantly ignored and then misrepresented with retarded shit like "then you find out they were given a job by their cousin." Who the fuck wants to try give advice to people who you know are going to ignore everything you say. And will almost certainly spend their time making up bullshit to imply that you're lying, manipulating, or being deceitful.

Genuine crab behavior designed to sabotage themselves and others. Sage for shit thread.

>>297470
Whether this is true or not (or just Sam Hyde adjacent pseudo-scientific doomerism) it depends entirely on what you might be doing. A 34 year old human with arms and legs and a brain can still learn things, maybe not to the degree you're Michel fucking angelo, but likely competently enough for most fields. Maybe you have to learn how to learn again, like how if you spent all day gaming for years and want to begin studying it's going to be a very, very slow process (even for someone who's 20) but I refuse to believe it's impossible and the brain isn't just a pattern learning machine and still malleable at that age.

Even if it is true, what's the alternative? You just give up? Concede to the 19 year old grifters on YouTube sitting in their cars telling you you're "cooked"? I reject that. There's no reason even a 40 year old hikki can't improve his situation, even slightly. Sure he'll never attain conventional success, but then were any of us going to anyway? Maybe he can find a job walking dogs, or working a quiet gas station, and that would be enough. We don't need much.

>>297580
I am trying to say that the whole notion of "it's never too late" is a toxic one, and none should waste their youthful years while coping with it's "never too late to learn" crap, I did not say OP or anyone else should give up, I am just expressing how flawed this notion is for a species like us how are prone to aging/cognitive decline and its effects, the best time to learn is when you are young, your brain is flexible and can sck informations easily, it's why children learn languages, instruments, easily relative to adults, their brain suck new informations better, the older you get the worse you will be at learning new things relative to when you are wrong, is it impossible? no, not to mention how lower your energy levels become with the time, self discipline also becomes harder.

33 and i have nothing, the decline is constant and insane, my life was supposed to "finally" start at 18, fast forward 15 years my hyperegoistic parents got sick and one died, standards keep declining, hopes declining, standards lowering,I tried for years to ignore the damage but I literally CANNOT GO ON as my energy is extremely low and I'm used to this hell so much I retreat to sleeping 16 hours a day, tried 4 psych meds to no effect, I am unable to care for the surviving parent, i havr never had a job, i suspect this world will literally kill me. I dont't want to die due to my faith but I may die due to extrrnal factors. I'm sorry

>>297586
Well i will try not to become hyper fixated with this and enjoy life on ultra-insanity difficulty

>>297586
Please stay well on the long run, Wizanon, I hope nothing too bad ever happens.

>>297581
I think a lot of the data relating to that belief is flawed. It may be that most people find it hard to learn things when they are older because they have a different life situation with more responsibilities. For example someone with a wife, kids and a job trying to learn a language or instrument has no fucking time. Conversely a neet with a huge amount of free time could learn a lot within a few years compared to a normie, even if the brain is declining

>>297588
Thanks. I really "chose" one of the more difficult roads.

>>297373 (OP)
I am neeting hard at my 31 level, pretty muchi without any stress or any dreadful vibe like I constantly felt searching for and trying (in vain) to keep shitty jobs.

I mentioned Human Design a few times here on wizchan, yet how many projectors here are still hurrying after a world which only gives them back misery?
>letting the mind decide can kill you

im a schizo too, but im 33, pretty much in the same boat as you op.
I guess the only hope is to become some sort of low level wagie

>>297580
definitely agree with you (most wiz wont) but I think when it comes to third world wiz we arent in a position to imagine enough to give them relevant advice. they work under fucking horrible conditions that even test regular people. health conditions for workers are common because employers dont care about preventing accidents and health hazards. or it costs too much. It's hard to fathom just how fucked these people are compared to us.

>>297597
how can your personality trait charts help with this thread's theme?

"turning your life around"
your life is fine
do what you want to do
don't do what you don't want to do
don't think

>>297603
Many types get worse mentally when operating wrong, and I mean: operating, since these arts go much deeper than mere personality like MBTI could do. This even tells you about how to properly digest something beyond whatever diet you have (and specially, how to not eat. Because also eating has conditions).

Basically, I framed and collected this because it is among my most wizardly niche topics: it saved me a lot, from the anxiety, the emptiness… just by making me know which things I must never do, no matter how illogical to be followed the new ways may seem.

Thanks to this I can now rest assured: I am done to NEET and there never were any way out of it, and not feeling at all like those who keep missing something to put their energy at, not this type of person I am….

>>297635
If OP is like me, he better forget those stories about young entrepreneurs opening new bussinesses for the mere sake of keeping up with the modern world. He stop trying on and on about finding somewhere to fit in as a wagie.

I insist on this being important knowledge, not so important for the usual normie but us… we are mostly living a continuous crisis. Some of you may find it quite casual, some others could receive a very much needed enlightenment about their circumstances.

It feels like the more I get older the more the world becomes shittier

I'm finding that my thoughts in my 30s have become severely mentally ill. Such frequent thoughts torment me. Flashes of memories from painful experiences many times a day, maybe hundreds, where I relive them. A general sense of unease. Mood swings, clash regularly. Horribly, pessimistic thoughts; A sense of impending doom. Then: countless times a day I insult myself and curse how stupid I am.

I never realized this but… every experience you have leaves a mark on your psyche. The longer you live, the more marks. Eventually, you are completely ravaged by what you've been through… Even if your body survives a near death experience… I have almost died many times now. I have been through immense stress. Having to fight for my survival. My experiences have left me mentally broken. Yet, I persist because that is what living things do.

It feels so surreal to be 30+.

I remember browsing this site in my early 20s and the life people described of being 30yo and still living with parents jobless felt so horrible I thought there was no way I could let it get that bad. But the years somehow snuck up on me. I don't have memory problems yet I can't remember what I did all these years. It feels so impossible to waste so much time doing absolutely nothing and making 0 progress of any kind.

Life with aging and time moving relentlessly feels unlivable if you are always aware of it. You learn from your mistakes but then you get older and opportunities decrease so what does that help? If I could go back 15 years I think I could fix my life but now my body hurts, I got no energy, all the financial support you get when you are young is gone and everyone has expectations of me now because of my age and it will only get worse. And on top of that now is the worst time to be weak in this social and financial climate.

>>297713
>It feels so surreal to be 30+.
It was better to be a wizard as an early millennials (and earlier up to a point). They had their niches basically untouched because normalfags thought they were shit for losers and had no way to exploit them for their own ends.

>>297709
Sounds like you have CPTSD. I have it too and it is like what yoy described

>>297373 (OP)
I assume the later reply in the thread is you as well, so Turkey is your country of origin.
Are you retarded or just schizophrenic?
How bad is the disability? Like could you work a no-skill job where you had to talk to people on the phone for 8 hours? Alternatively, are you capable of minor physical labor and generally existing in the world around people without causing a scene?
If you are able to manage the bare minimum for 8 hours on medication or something I recommend you get into networking.
It's not something that takes a high IQ, you being able to speak and understand English is already probably enough as an entry.

If you are at home 24/7 with not much to do you can get a CCNA (although the cert costs money) by studying free online or pirated material.
Even if you have no background and are borderline retarded you should be able to get it within a year, 1.5 at max.
You can see all kinds of minorities in Africa make it and they are likely at a disadvantage too.
You can get a basic ass helpdesk job without it at a telecom provider, but you'll need to work on yourself quite a bit if you are truly too far gone.

Most of these jobs pay enough if your mom happens to die, but leaves you with a home you'll be able to work remote without much worries.
Some offer permanent nightshift options too which is preferable.
Downside? You have to be able to talk to people. I'm an autistic schizoid (not schizophrenic, it's like a fancy way to say antisocial) and I manage. I just learned enough "scripts" to flow through conversations with normies in a flowchart kinda way.

The next step is to get certified and get into a NOC position. Though I have to say, if you are 36 with nothing to show for it, the cert might be needed to even get your "foot in the door".
You'll be doing the same work, not much effort, solve tickets, basic troubleshooting and you won't be talking to customers either.

Not sure how it is in Turkey, but I also live in a lesser country and we have programs for the disadvantaged, meaning companies get gibs for hiring undesirables like us. If you can leverage your disability, do so. If not, hide it as much as possible. I have no idea how real schizophrenia manifests, I had hallucinations when I was a NEET for 10 years, only started working at 28, but it went away after I left what was basically isolation.
Look into education programs at your unemployment center.

This is one path you can walk. Depending on your circumstance.

Another one I recommend is nightshift security guard.
Again, your local unemployment office might be able to hook you up with a course for that.
It took me what 150€ converted and showing up to a test to get the certificate for being a security guard. There are tons of positions that require you to be a warm body at a set location with next to zero expectations.
I've seen a lot of retired old liches and obese barely mobile mid40s dudes with sores on their legs be security guards.
You can probably do that if your disability is too bad to do anything else.

As you can see I'm just turning 30. I wouldn't say I have turned my life around, but I'm starting to have some emergency savings in case my mother passes, basically in the same situation as you. Unfortunately if she does my sister will likely inherit the apartment since she has a family of her own now and is likely a better "investment". I have a lot of physical ailments that makes hiring me hard for most jobs.
For me it took a lot of applications, humiliation and what felt like herculean efforts (making phone calls after a decade of isolation).
I admit, it was pure luck. Nothing short of divine intervention.
I genuinely thought I was finally going to be forced to rope, but I somehow landed a miraculous job where I don't need to leave my room, with a reasonably clear career path.

At 36 in your situation you will need a miracle of similar if not greater magnitude. It can happen though, so get on it.
I don't wanna sound like a dudebro, I just recently returned here, lot of things changed so I hope I'll be forgiven.
What I say is genuine, I don't say it out of malice. I 100% understand that for many it feels like its over. I felt like that too rotting away for a decade.
I have no hopes for socializing, family etc. I know that was never going to happen, never really had the desire either (schizoid), but what you can do is prevent physical agony and suffering homelessness, poverty and absolute dependence.
I think I "made it", but I certainly suffer less than I used to. Anhedonia and general bleakness of life is still there. I still feel aimless, all of it feels pointless, but I know I'm fending of worse suffering.

TL:DR; Get into networking/helpdesk if you are able. Security guard if you aren't.
Start now if you don't intend to rope. Unless you rope you need to mitigate future suffering as soon as possible.

>>297713
>And on top of that now is the worst time to be weak in this social and financial climate.

The social and financial climate is in a nutshell postmodernity + neoliberalism. When i see old footage from the 60's-70's or even interact with working class people from older generations i get the feeling that most of us wouldn't even have ended up wizards in those times. Many of us are victims of our historical circumstances. Knowing it calms my misanthropy but makes me angry at society at the same time. I just need to stop caring altogether cause there's not much to do.

>>298417
>>298417
>i get the feeling that most of us wouldn't even have ended up wizards in those times
This is absolutely the case. Abandoning people in general is a modern luxury.

I grew up in a small village of 800, including children and the elderly and everyone knew each other, nobody was truly an outcast.
Even the absolute worst of the bunch were always there and invited to social gatherings and such.
People matched up based on households and general lot in life.
Most outside interactions were limited to the neighboring two villages.
It was something special.
But as I turned 10-11 divorce (due to a drunk abusive father) moved us to a small town, internet access and I was basically gone.

I was never going to be neurotypical, but in a small community they kinda just drag the dregs with them through life while in a town they ostracize and mock you like some animal.
In the village you had some seriously handicapped kid too who basically made noises and he was still almost omnipresent because all things considered he was one of ours. You knew him and his parents, your parents and grandparents knew each other going way back as well.
You can't outright reject someones entire existence in a village.

Most people had a trade, I would have become an electrician after my father if all things went well, despite circumstances.
They had some petty low skill job in the town, and then did work on the side in and around the village.
Most also had a crap ton of animals and a field to work, we did too.
It all feels so NORMAL in hindsight especially. Maybe it's the rose tinted glasses, but I really do believe what you say.
In the old days people were more human.

Also worth mentioning that life was a lot less complicated. Being an electrician was already a pretty high end trade at the time, but in general you didn't need some 130 IQ baseline high on adderall to make it.
Trades were plenty and accessible. Life was a lot less complicated, less bureaucratic. An average dude could invent useful things, many tradesman from that time hold several patents for minor and obvious things anyone could come up with.
Nowadays most people can't even survive unless they mold themselves into a corporate cog.

OP for example I could easily imagine as some shepherd talking to his animals imagining monsters in the wood during the day.
Going for a beer and telling tall tales about the monsters he for sure saw in the woods on the edge of the plain.
As crazy as he might be, he would likely end up being a beloved character instead of an outcast living hand to mouth.

>>298424
Thanks for the great personal input. I also had to see my world change a lot. Born in a small eastern European town in the 90's, life was carefree and felt very secure per default as the family model was close to the extended one (e.g constant contact between everyone, very frequent spontaneous sleepovers…) on top of having a normal nuclear family. My parents and grandparents, uncles and aunties… were complete nobodies yet were respectable and respected people, competition wasn't a thing at all.

Then at the turn of the millenium just like you my parents divorced and i had to move elsewhere, to a big western european city. The rest of my family that had stayed home also exploded overtime due to divorces and then scattered all around the world in the poursuit of money and maybe meaning so it's all dead now and it weirds me out. I have the impression that what i experienced in my childhood was like the last stand of the old social order and of a certain psychosocial disposition of the common human, like a link to hundreds of years that got brutaly severed by changes outside of our control. Even something as innocuous as me having been a kid that always played and hung around outside with other boys from morn till night with very limited adult surveillance seems like something out of an already vanished world, and, again, like the last trace of a continuity with a very long past.