/dep/ - Depression

>Join discord server
>Too nervous to talk to anyone and make friends
>Become a lurker and feel sad when I see others make connections and friends
>end up leaving the server

Any tips to help stop this dilemma?

All my life I believed that studying guaranteed a future, a job, comfort, and a certain circle of good people from a certain social class that was educated and maybe healthy and more good compared to the environment I was born into (I saw this with other people and i knew this vision was true)
I am in my first year of college studying to be a teacher, and the people I have met here are not exactly nice to me. I am not interested in being social, but I still feel like an outcast. I no longer have the motivation to study and the idea of getting a degree is… lost.
>but why anon?
I joined a group here out of a mixture of obligation and necessity, I've seen that the people in my group interact, talk, converse, and get together, and I can see perfectly how everything flows naturally for them, as if there were some kind of magnetic attraction between them. they even interact with each other to form romantic relationships, they share personal things and I feel that they empathize with each other.
>And anon? just ignore it a do your things
I feel so fucking out of place like a alien around humans. It's as if I were cursed and i know they know and are paranoid know it. The truth is that pretending to be sociable no longer works for me. It's as if they knew that I wasn't normal. I noticed them saying too much to me things like
>you're very serious and responsible (when I asked someone how they saw me)
>you're very quiet (when the others wouldn't stop talking, I just listened because I didn't have anything… to say)
>Why do you isolate yourself so much from others? (when I was honest and refused to have a picture of me taken, i dont like photos)
and I thought I could ignore it, but I can't And I swear that every damn time they ignore me or say something like this to me, it hurts.
I was doing well with my studies, but those last few weeks I had to interact more socially with my group, and I realized that I'm awful. I don't know if I don't have a personality, but that last thing they said about me isolating myself from other hurt me so much because I don't know how the hell to act. It's as if I had dehumanized myself, automatically becoming an outcast, a gypsy, or the Jew of the group. Maybe I messed up my teenage years and didn't have normie experiences like everyone elPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

How do I block out the noise of the world?

Foam has helped me partially or mattresses against windows/ walls etc. depends on what sort of noise and where it’s coming from.

Are used to put mattresses and foam panels against street facing windows. I would say it blocks 25% or so

Mattress covering entire window frame is so obscene though. And don't want hyperacusis caused by using noise cancelling headphones or earplugs.

Is there any way to do the whole noose thing but ensure I don't end up just brain damaged alive or suffering too much from it? Trying to write a first person fictional story

I'm too stupid to figure out how to get pills and combo them

maybe all this is just a dream, a very long bad dream. this current era these people with no empathy for one another, this corrupt government and this polarization is just getting to me.

will it still come to me if i close myself off from the rest of the world wizards????

Can I die just by taking codein with promethazine and a bit of alcohol? How much of each would I need? I want a peaceful death, to cause as little commotion as possible.

Does anyone ever want to just scream and shout at the world? Whether its frustration for myself or others I find myself having no where to put it. What would you tell people if they would listen to you?

Living with my mom. My mom just zaps all the life-energy out of me.

Do ou know this feeling?

Is it just me…. it began from 2020 fo some weird reason :/
people around me put their hands too often on their crotch. very.. so confidntally… they get all hysterical when u ask them to wash their hands and wont listen 95prcnt of time. what else is how peoole hurry clash in to each other with their genitals too. This shit depresses me. I need to wash my products cuz of filthy cashiers.
When people bump into ur ass it all happens so suddenly. nothing is done to stop this - not even having kids.
Even in hospitals you cant run away from this, the stuff is equaly gross.

I.. i canot stop this horror.
dude.. what else I need to do!?

i'm 27, i live with my parents, i don't have a job and to be honest i don't give a fuck anymore. i would have wanted to move out 5 years ago, when i had a ton of ambitions, but my fuckin overprotective mother didn't give me a hint of freedom. now they hate me just for being. like everyone else. i used to be good at history and wanted to move in that direction, and now i'm NEET who spends all my free time on the internet and goes to the store once a week. i hate them for not letting me realize myself in a life that i don't see any point in right now.
thank u mom