/dep/ - Depression

>>299586
Don't know if you're still there wiz but I want you to know I saw your post when you replied and I thought about it for a while and didn't know how to say anything since I'm a retard. I hope you're doing alright.

>>299580
except, back in the day, super-depressed ppl like /wizards were rare enough, alright?

Graduated high school in 2012.
Every now and then I wonder about the school's population. I remember in 2013, I'd think, "I wonder who took my spot in the school band? Probably one of the other french horn players that I interacted with every single morning for rehearsal." After a few more years, I realized something:
Even students who were 9th graders during my senior year have now graduated high school, themselves. I realized that not a single band member will even know that I existed.

Well, that might not be the case. It's possible that, during my senior year, I may have briefly interacted with 8th graders who were planning to join the band. These "band aids" would volunteer to help out with the high school band. It is perfectly possible that some 8th grade band geek gave me a soda while in the pep stands at football games. I guess it's possible one of these middle school kids remembered me, but I doubt it.

This feeling is not exclusive to the school band, though. After a certain point, there are no more student who were in the 9th grade during my senior year. While I MIGHT have interacted with some 8th grade band members, there is 0% chance that any of the 8th graders who became freshmen AFTER my graduation had ever even knew I existed.

Now, in 2025, I have randomly realized that there is not a single student who could possibly know about me. Even kids who were 1st graders during my senior year have graduated from high school themselves. Such 1st graders wouldn't have known me, anyway, but there WAS a chance, however small it might be, that somebody had at least had a passing glance and briefly saw me at some point during school.

This shouldn't feel so… strange. It's an obvious realization that shouldn't affect anything about my life at all. But it feels so daunting. After I graduated I basically just became a hermit in my room. High school 13 years ago was the last time I really interacted with humans beyond my mom and grocery store cashiers. It feels like I don't really exist.

I guess I can easily "return to the past", I mean, my old high school is just a few miles away from me. But there really, truly is nobody there, anymore.
(I hope this post is coherent, I'm currently on around 500mg of DPH and I can't concentrate or even really see the text that I'm typing.)

>>301997

repeat after me:

Let It go.

If you tell ppl you are obsessing on what your are obsessing on, you ll be tossed in a psyc ward, At Best.

Forget about past, no you cant go back there, and if you want to think about a school college is what you re lookin for.

some people will say hermit s need to be coddled. my hermit dad taught me otherwise.

you have two actual roads in front of you.

1. you accept you went down a dark path, seek treatment, and make an effort to pull out of it.

2. you wake up one day. age 50. and you are sayin same stuff as now. and its all bleak

>>301997
I know the feeling, I don't talk to anyone besides discord/image boards. It's surreal knowing I'm a ghost that will be forgotten within months of my death; I suppose it's freeing but I'm too numb either way to give a shit.

>>300995
I do sympathize regardless, they truly failed as family. They sound like horrible people.

>>300995
I'm in the same boat, I've always been a detriment so roping would benefit family in the long run once they get over it. I saved the image you posted OP it's beautiful.

my mom finally stopped gaslighting me that im handsome/good looking
on one hand i am glad i don't have to listen to the lies anymore
on the other i know it's truly over at this point
i think at this point my only option is to grow a beard and have a shag/bangs to look like an inbred southerner

I don’t think she died in the end, it was heavily hinted at tho, the truth is always depressing

>>301980
I'd rather get bullied than lied to by my own mother, I'm happy she called me fat and ugly as a child so I coped with reality pretty quickly. But now I'm skinny as shit.

>>301987
life is depressing I've had to rewire my brain it took years to escape reality like I do. I've seen people drop over dead in the physical world. Sadly death in "fantasy" hits just as hard to me as in the physical human world. Everything just hurts so much…my god why

Lol i grinded like 6 hours a day after work for a perfect setup to complete a perfect stat set. It's funny It just needs to roll 0~10 3 times, I just need 3 10's and of course it needs to be split into the right stats, there was only STR END DEX INT SPR, why on earth could I not get the perfect set? Stat corruption? I probably farmed well over 10k items none were perfect

>>301941
{0;1;2;3;4;5;6;7;8;9;10} is an 11-element array

The probability of rolling 10 out of 10 is 1/11


The probability of rolling 10 out of 10 ==3 times in a row== is 1/11*11*11 which equals 1/1331

>>301941
Aside from the 1/1331 chance, you have an array of 5 stats

3/5 chance to hit the right stat on the first roll
2/4 chance to hit the right stat for the second roll
1/3 chance to hit the right stat for the third, final roll

boom

(3*2*1)/(5*4*3) chance of getting an item with the right stats

>>301964
>>301965
6/60*1331 chance, basically. out of 13310 tries. IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAND.flv

>>300101
Try Factorio's main campaign, see if the pleasant steady progress of putting something together towards a "tangible" goal in that context has the same effect on you.

if it does, then you're a dopamine microdose addict - if it doesn't, then you're vulnerable to the specific art/music/etc exposure and should arrange your life accordingly.

>>301504
the 5-htp part sounds interesting, as a box of 5-htp pills cosos under 10$


in fact, L-carnitine was used as a depression treatment… that is, until someone botched a bunch of those and in mere 4 days, released Prozac, SSRI class drug.

>>301184
>Meth doesn't hit all ADHD havers the same.. just like caffeine puts some to sleep


AFAIK, additional caffeine dilates one's blood vessels, hence causing the feel of sleepyness.

ive been taking wellbutrin too for about 3 weeks, it hasnt done shit…

>>301173
>Does anyone else here have experience with it?
NO
in my area, going to a psychiatrist is a massive risk as in "YOU'RE A SCHIZO DUNNO WHICH TYPE BUT YOU'RE A SCHIZO SIMPLE AS"

>>301175
lol you talk as if SSRIs actually work and are not placebo, lmao.
Otherwise you would stand absolutely correct. But that's not reality. Even in the rare cases when they give you some benefits, these regress after a year or so because of tolerance.

force yourself to do it until your nose starts bleeding

I know the feeling. Only thing that worked for me is to force myself to either do the assignments or nothing else but sit there. Sometimes I'd sit there doing absolutely nothing for more than an hour before finally working on the assignment. Working on things early in the day also helped me.

>>301296
This technique has helped me too before. Sometimes I'll just mess around all day doing nothing but eventually I will get bored enough to at least sit down and start the task.

>>301287
it's 2025, no one cares about doing assignments. Its the end of the semester and it sounds like you didn't learn anything. Use AI.

>>301348
As a former /dep/ zone student, I can say: AI would help me back then…

d e p e n d s



well, you pretty much should make your "will", also, fill up an "urgent medical information" card (blood type, known allergies, this or that)

>>300655
Sure, I relate with everything you said, except maybe the last paragraph. Sound like you got the FOMO and are grieving about things you could have had, dreams you never realized. My way of coping with that is to embrace being a "loser" who's never going to amount to anything. I try not to think about what could have been, where I could be had I done things differently. Right here, right now is where I am and I live in the moment, day by day. Why work hard for dozens years, if I can do the bare minimum, rest and have fun now? Whether I like it or now, that seems to be my life agenda, and I've accepted not being able to do anything about it. Go with the flow, try to have fun with what you have instead of telling yourself "once I achieve this or that, then I will be happy."

I'm sure some discipline sweatlord will say otherwise, that you should man up, stop having fun, and start living the boring "adult" life. Well buddy, that may work for you, your brain may reward you for living this way with a sense of pride or whatever, but other people's brain chemistry might make them predisposed for a different way of life.

>>300466
No, the author of NHK is doing well apparently, walking around Tokyo visiting cafes while writing new stuff on his social media.

>>300466
>Similarly, there's another work about a salaryman wanting to live a happy life ( there's sadly a lot of this ) I'm reading, and the author apparently wrote it because he wanted something to cool him down from his, per the words on the blog, 'immensely unfortunate and stressful life'.
Can you share what this is? I wanna read it as well.

>>300655
oh


Mark Twain said something likecthat - never argue with fools because you will be on the same level as the fool - and that's where fool's experience of being a fool for years will be your vulnerability

>>300442
I can't relate to any of these.

Can't live a life "True to myself" and it has nothing to do with courage.
Didn't work at all
No one gave a fuck about feelings so why bother expressing them?
No friends
>Let myself be happy
What the fuck does this mean?

Oh well

The reason you're depressed isn't just because you're ugly, mentally ill, or burdened with personal issues, it's also because you're oversocialized, just like Ted Kaczynski described. You've been conditioned to internalize every expectation, every rule, every judgment from society. You're constantly plugged into what others think, say, and demand of you — and it's suffocating. It chips away at any sense of self that isn’t shaped by external approval. That kind of overstimulation doesn’t just wear you down it hollows you out.

We know.

>>301908
You type very low-IQ for someone who claims to have high IQ

>>298285
>Having a high IQ without being nurtured properly as a child can cause you to miss out
<Yeah it's your parents' fault that you're not the genius you were destined to be


WRONG.

OPs talking about struggling with tasks that require EI, "emotional intelligence". Being a genius doouche since childhood means not meeting development-oriented hurdles.


You know, not having the ability to suggest things, to express own hunches, to display volition or demand to respect da authority

>>298255
I was smart at math and very creative with various computer software. Learned everything myself from scratch. But I'm a social retard so it's pretty simple

>>301924
My biggest problem was that I thought I always acted like a normal person. In reality I have AuDHD and later I got schizophrenia

>>301912
>>301912
also


whh bother

>>300989
the guy in your picture has such powerful, menacing vibes
I'd freeze on the spot if I saw him I.R.L
there would be nothing I could do, he can predict all of my moves

anyway, that poster is just one very vocal guy with messiah syndrome
he thinks silencing the ego is the solution to everything, but ironically he won't shut up and even has a distinct, almost signature writing style

please don't stop coming to this wonderful establishment

>>300989
can you stay and teach us how to be super strong and brave

>>300530
You need to be snarky/quirky

and use the wonders of AI to strike back.

(inb4 you'll accidentally turn ChatGPT/DeepSeek/other LLM into GLaDOS)

>>300991
>anyway, that poster is just one very vocal guy with messiah syndrome
he thinks silencing the ego is the solution to everything, but ironically he won't shut up and even has a distinct, almost signature writing style


he may or may not have a funny LLM AI posting for him

all while he's personally "silent like lasagna" like a real G

>>300991
>anyway, that poster is just one very vocal guy with messiah syndrome
>he thinks silencing the ego is the solution to everything, but ironically he won't shut up and even has a distinct, almost signature writing style


he may or may not have a funny LLM AI posting for him

all while he's personally "silent like lasagna" like a real G


(edit: fixed quoting)