/dep/ - Depression

Is anyone else here being cyber-bullied? I have been cyberbullied by a colleague in my hobby for over 10 years; he has used his superior reputation to waylay, insult me and make me feel insignificant. It doesn't matter how many laps I would run around him, he only becomes more entrenched in his own sense of superiority. It used to be I just didn't have the catalog of works to "prove myself" to him. Now he is just being incalcitrant, dismissing that I have such works even now. The worst part is that my "envy" has moved from wanting a catalog like his, to having now, in my own estimation, attained that catalog to envying his pride and arrogance and self-assuredness. This is terrible to envy these things as a supposed Christian. And worse, I kind of just think "what if he died. Then I could enjoy my hobby in peace". As a Christian I shouldn't want the death of anyone. But I will say, I could be a lot more happy if he completely lost his access to the internet.

Does anyone else hate his own body? I hate mine so much, I feel uncomfortable in my own body the whole time, it doesn't matter what I'm doing, I feel dirty, sick, detqched from my body. I want to get out of my body.

Is it worth it getting into altruistic-minded test trials? does it actually help anyone in the future? is the extra pain and suffering, altruistically (utilitarian calculus) worth it?

new internet of over 10 yrs now… is it me or there is nothing left to talk about?

Might just be one of the myriad of things from health issues to shit life syndrome, but I've been thinking maybe my small living space is affecting me.

Still live "at home" in a flat with my mom at 30, my room is 2.5m x 5m so 12.5 square meters. (134.549 ft²american)
With all the furniture I have a usable space of about 0.8m x 3m maybe, so less than 3sqm. (25.833 ft²)
Spend all day sitting at my desk anyways so whatever.

Been wondering if maybe this tiny space is part of the reason why I just don't do anything.
Do any of you have experience with living in a small space for a decade+?

I try and try like I really do to be a wizard but unfortunately keep heading into becoming a crab. As someone who can't afford to NEET and will just die on the side of the street if I do so, I have to unfortunately go out into the real world and try to get a job and maintain a "social life".

And that is the worst part about it, I simply don't get it, a friend of mine wanted to meet another friend and he wanted me to go to club with me, now why did I agree? Because I wanted a referral for a job. Apart from that clubs in my country are horrendous for sub-3 men like me because they don't let people like me enter because of "dress code" when in reality you look ugly, short, singly, and the whole nine yards.

I got a referral so that's a good thing if it materialises into a job. But what I saw in club is not something that I have not known but to see it happen it still caught me like a deer in the headlights, basically I knew that this friend of friend is going to be a piece of shit because he is a club-goer.

But when I saw him literally just go up to a bitch and started making out with her continuously then going to the toiled and then coming back, and then actually showing me his Instagram and Snapchat about fucking a succubus 5 times one day, and fucking 10 different succubi in 10 days and sharing nudes on Telegram by starting out with the message "New Pussy around my Dick.".

God bless him for giving me the referral which probably won't materialise into a job but for some reason I wish I never met him, I saw a weird kind of primal expression on the faces of succubi, the man was 6'4 and had a chiseled face. And when I came back home I swear to god, I couldn't drive the car straight. Like I was about to crash 3 times, not because I was driving fast, but I was so pissed and my mind was just thinking about like what the fuck? I had to struggle for every single ounce of thing in life, and there are guys like this who just do what? Fucking exist?

Honestly, at that point years of thinking "I am never going to think about cunts" and months of trying to be a fucking monk only to enter a state of ragebait, I swear to god, when I returned in the night I was awake for a total of 48 hours just raging like a mad man and screaming into the damn mattress. Like what the fuck? How in the blue hell is it so easy for these kind of people? And this guy has cheated on every single cunt who was his GF. And has fucked over 40 succubi litePost too long. Click here to view the full text.

I thought that at 44 years old this stuff wouldn't get at me anymore but I was wrong.

All those cute couples rollerblading. Young mothers pushing strollers and smiling. People laughing in the park. People playing soccer in the field. Everyone is so happy, so content with their lot in life. They are so well-adjusted to this life.

People talking in upbeat tones. Groups of people socializing, laughing, smiling.

Everywhere I went today it was like this.
Its amazing how easy life is when you are neurotypical. It's like everything falls into place without much struggle and effort. You are always pre-programmed to get the most out of life without having to do anything special to make it happen.

It comes to my mind very often how evilness surrounds everything, from your own body being rotten and painful to the average politician being cruel and unhinged.
I can really assume we live in a hell realm, people are so used to suffering that atrocious and disgusting news such as murder or car accidents are deemed normal.
We're born without knowing why in a world we did not create and we must obey rules we did not decide, there is really no point in counsciousness when existence is like this unless it was conceived by evil forces for evil purposes.
So my conclusion is that we live inside a reality of pure evil, no chaotic, no orderly, just pure evil without any sense, like hitting your head until you die.

Wiz, I really hate the way things are these days. You know how "brainrot" and cringe culture affect people now—my friends, my parents, and just daily life in general are all so annoying. The interactions between Gen Z and Boomers are getting weirder, and people in general are becoming stranger, which makes everyday life incredibly frustrating. What if history could repeat itself—like World War II—so that those forgetful Gen Zers and Boomers, and all the annoying people today, could finally realize just how terrifying a world war really is

Do you have this? Any tips?
I dont know if i have this but it fucked a lot of social interactions.