/dep/ - Depression

This is probably not big news, but you have much worse chances of getting anything done in life if you are not social. From jobs, to housing, to money. If you are trying to do everything alone, you will not be as successful. Except you have a godlike family and upbringing. But I suppose nobody here had this.

I went to the college today for some work regarding documentation and met a "friend", people in the college have nothing to talk about except bitches. The "friend" in question screamed my name from afar, later came running, and told me he has scored a bitch. Showed me a photo of a bitch and him cuddling. What is more shocking is that the guy is also kinda below average in looks but extremely out going to the point he just sleeps when he's at home.

I didn't know what I was supposed to respond like good for you, I guess. But now I am thinking maybe he did it purposefully, like he knows that someone who looks like me can't get love and sex. And hypothetically if I ever get sex, I probably won't be able to get it hard, and even if I do get it hard, I won't be able to cum cause of my tight foreskin, frenulum breve, and OCD.

I wonder if he somehow guessed that I had an inability to get sex or do sex which is why he rubbed it in my face, other times some other "friends" of mine also talk about their girlfriends infront of me and how cool is this and that.

Are normies just like this or do they do it on purpose with me?

To value or not to value, To care or not to care, Do we truly care that much about our value that we defend it with any possible way, But to what extent ? What will we garner from showering with praises and value, A temporary feeling of having worth ? It all fades away after a period of time and you have to do that all again, Like anything in life, Everything fades away, That love that disillusioned you at that first sight fades away after 1 month if the other person doesn’t reciprocate, That’s the same as your value, If you don’t give more to your value then the other person will just get bored, Boredom is our nemesis in this world.
We truly love to wallow in our shit and feces and believe that we’re different than the other person, That we’re different than the other insipid and superficial people, But that’s the same as the other barn of shit that others pile in too and believe they’re better than you, All in for the same ending, For the same pointless and meaningless argument to escape the feeling of being “normal”, of being “mid”, of not having any specialities in this World, We fear that we will be perceived as lower, But in reality the damage is already done, We literally diminish our principles in other to not be perceived as lower by others, That’s just wallowing in the shit of the other person. For what is the worth of a person who died right now as you’re reading this ? For what is the worth of a person living in extreme poverty ? A person living in harsh condition, or someone getting tortured by the mafia right now.. Etc, They have more value than people who consider themselves high and almighty, Hell even a garbage collector holds more value than anyone who has “Villas, Cars, money… etc” Because they’re exploring life in their own condition, And the garbage collector is doing something for society, We just give value to ourselves because we’re pitiful and rely so much on another person’s praise to not fall, But you will fall and the fall will be so hard that you will cease to exist in another person’s eyesight. You can easily trick others by giving them value and watch them as they spiral down into madness when you cease to give them any value, People are evil, They rely on others to give them a shoulder to be another’s shoulder and when that shoulder carrying them ceases to exist, they fall because they were used to standing on the other’s shoulder.

Normal people without depression know what they are good or at least decent at by the age of 17 when they graduate school.
My only "strength" was learning english by playing videogames and browsing english speaking internet since the age of 10. My weaknesses are everything else, I'm not good at anything and never was good at anything in a real way. I could "imitate" being good at history by cramming material before exams just to forget everything the next day. Anything that requires ANY brainpower at all makes me collapse. I literally always google everything like it's my first time, never learning any patterns or anything. I can imitate being normal (well not anymore I guess) by putting absurd amount of effort to keep the facade, communicating with people on daily basis makes me want to hide or kill myself.

Imagine if I had any strengths so I could go to college normally and graduate and then have a job?

How will my life change if I miraculously get a job as a dishwasher or idk burger flipper? Is it really a path forward, trading your soul and most of your day for minimum wage? I suppose I could buy a new PC this way after a while, but just living like that because you have no choice? Rope sounds better

2025 The Great Depression 2. Post your pain and suffering. Previous >>294941

I can't deal or interact with people, meaning I will never have the connections and social skills needed to get and hold a job, meaning i will never be able to survive, leaving me with no option other than offing my self, I feel as if this world existed to make things worse for me.

Imagine that you're a dumbass. But you're not the happy go lucky type of dumbass that is content with your situation.

You're a dumbass that KNOWS about how bad your situation is, you know how miserable it is, but you aren't really smart enough to get out of it.

You work a wage slave job and that's really all you can do because my fucking god, coding and programming is essentially the equivalent of trying to box prime Mike Tyson for someone who's a malnourished bastard. Becoming a lawyer? You already know you'd cock up and would probably be a public lawyer that has to defend scum of the earth that are 100% guilty. Doctor? Med school is possibly the hardest thing you can do without trying to become a rocket scientist.

You can't even set yourself up financially. Investing into stocks or crypto? Forget it. You're gonna buy high and sell low. I can't even manage to save more than 1k dollars. I don't even really have savings at all. I live paycheck to paycheck because I can't manage my finances for shit.

It's all these things that add up. I can't be like Beavis and Butthead who live in bliss. I know I'm dumb. I can't get smarter though. A mental midget that knows it. It's like being a zombie that knows it's a zombie.

I've heard a lot about "fear of missing out"/"fomo". But I have a different kind of fear that doesn't really make sense in my mind: a fear of keeping up with things, or, a fear of catching up.

For example: Many years ago I played internet mahjong a lot. But eventually I stopped playing for a few months. Now, any time I consider playing again, I get paralyzed by this irrational fear. I think things like "it's too late for me to get back into this". And, of course, the fact that this fear stops me from catching back up only makes this fear grow larger and larger.

I once had a small youtube channel but it has been so many years since I uploaded anything, I feel like "it's too late for this, I missed the boat, what's done is done".

I know this fear is irrational but I still am held back it.
Does anyone relate to this fear AT ALL?
I am bad at describing this so this might not make any sense at all.

Since last year's December, I have discovered that you can just keep lying on the bed and enter a weird stage where you're neither asleep nor awake. It's crazy as it feels like what substance abusing would feel like although I have never even touched alcohol, weed, or even cigs let alone hard drugs

And bed rotting is crazy addictive. Time flies so quickly it's unbelievable. I spend most of my day lying in the bed, and I have gotten so skinny fat it is simply unbelievable, I am a mere 160cm tall ethnicel but I weigh a massive 150 pounds. My body looks so ugly that even my mama doesn't love me.

Has anybody else experiences this where you're at a prolonged stage of not being asleep and not being awake but in a weird in-between because of the comfyness of bed?