you remind of myself with the attention seeking behavior. don't blame yourself much, you were a kid and didn't know better. ironically me trying to fit in made people distant. I humiliated myself further, I wish I embraced my dignity. As a crab/outcast I should've never trusted normies so fast, you'll be thrown under the bus and used.
>I can't confidently interact with people knowing that there is something fundamentally wrong with me, and I will never be up to par as those who surround me
Same. I tried to fake my confidence around my coworkers when I got a job, but it gets tiresome after some time, you have to keep it consistent. I wish I never trusted my normie coworkers, I opened up and showed my feelings only to have that used against me and mocked. >I am obsessed with myself because my identity as a loser/outcast is all I have
same. Just don't do what I did and reveal that to a new group of normies.>I have no hobbies or talents
judging by the nature images you posted I suggest you get into camping, you get to relax plus a break from society. as for a talent, you should focus more on a skill that can make you money. this might not get you friends or GFs but you'll survive by yourself and have something to be proud of.>I can't process trying to fix myself for the sake of fixing myself, I know it'll benefit me in the end, but the my brain….
Read "the power of now" book. Reading that book made me realize I'm using my brain in self destructive ways. the brain should be utilized more towards hobbies, work, and when it's necessary. Not 24/7 in repetitive thoughts