No.299665
some of us are just not compatible with the demiurge’s world
No.299666
I want to be a Catholic and not a gnostic but gnosticism makes more sense
No.299671
>>299670I know how you feel. Whenever I'm happy or something good happens I suddenly think "Okay, now what's about to happen?" And I get an overwhelming sense of dread.
No.299678
>>299670I have experienced exactly that too. I had a brief holiday from depression once in my 30s. Only once. It allowed me to put the rest of my life in context and see how much of a horror it was.
No.299692
I can't get over being 33. There was a time when I was in my early 20s aware of my problems and what's to come with the power to do something and I did nothing and now there is nothing I can do but suffer the predictable consequences. All this time wasted for no value.
No.299713
The more people around me die younger than me the more I feel it’s okay to finally go through with suicide. I feel like they have achieved freedom and finished the a game which only can be lost. Logically
No.299715
The more people around me die younger than me the more I feel it’s okay to finally go through with suicide. I feel like they have achieved freedom and finished the a game which only can be lost. Logically with each day I grow older statistically increasingly less people even reach that age. As I feel like I’ve experienced and suffered and got to know everything there is and any single inch of additional effort is completely pointless and in vain I have the right to end it now knowing I won’t miss anything knowing I can’t and don’t even want to improve because it all amounts to nothing.
No.299717
Sleepless nights is when the idea of our inevitable death hits me the hardest. Remind me that I'll die during the day and I'd scoff that it won't come sooner. When I am lying sleepless at night and I remember everything in this world will perish one day it fills me with great dread and then sadness. All of my emotions and memories are all for nothing and I will just disappear as billions of humans continue to experience all spectrum of life in a world without me until each of them too will have their life experiences be culminated in annihilation.
No.299722
what was the point of all this nonsense?
what is the end goal of all this?
just to die?
then there’s no reason not to be done with it all already
death is instant nirvana
No.299757
i dont think this world wants me i dont know what to do i dont know what im supposed to be doing i dont know how to earn a living or learn a skill to be able to support myself i dont know
No.299758
>>299757what am i here for theres no purpose for my existence and everything worthwhile or interesting in life is blockaded by my socioeconomic status. all i have is a fucking pc.
No.299759
>>299758i take that back, theres nothing cool in life.
No.299760
i feel a certain peace now that i have my method
actually, i might stick around a lot longer than i ever thought
No.299762
>>299760this is more common than you think mate, it paradoxically makes you less suicidal because you know there's an exit path if the shit hits the fan, as oppose to never being sure what will you do if things get too bad.
No.299775
>>299769
i have been on here since 2019, basically the only place i enjoy hunging out around online, people here are not obsessed with sex or succubi, which is good in my eyes, because people go crazy over these things
No.299776
>>299769
always were.
No.299810
4chans death is seriously fucking with me, not because of the site itself which was arguably at its lowest possible point, but because its yet another reminder of mortality. For normal people this may not be such a big issue, because at least they can say "oh well I changed soooo much in 20 years!". Yeah, but I havent and Id guess most here can relate to that. Time passes, people and communities die, yet most of us remain the same.
No.299819
i hate myself because i cant become an electrician or an electrical engineer
No.299821
>>299810It is a blessing when horrible things cant last forever, especially for our own lives. I do not understand what issue you are talking about
No.299822
>>299819why do you think that you cant do it?
Weird you would want to be a wageslave and be upset about not being a particular type of one
No.299823
>>299822Because he's mentally deficient anon, or stupid to put it bluntly. It's the same with me.
Some people have to occupy the left end of the IQ spectrum, as regrettable as it is. Born and bred janitors is all we'll amount to, irrespective of the education quality poured into us.
We're losers.
No.299826
>>299822dont have the means to fund trade school or college, none of the colleges around me even have programs for electrical engineering.
No.299827
>>299823stop being a fucking loser, if you can type youre not as stupid as you think so stop feeling sorry for yourself.
No.299829
>>299821>I do not understand what issue you are talking aboutThe part where we are basically suffering in vain, my guy. Completely and utterly in vain. I mean you ARE suffering right? This is /dep/ after all
No.299847
>>299844I'm surprised you at least have it in you to even care about something, especially something these days amorphous like 'western civilization'
Well, eventually it'll settle on you too, as you're just 22.
One day you'll wake up, and the only thing that'll concern you won't break past the yoke of money, health, sleep, as you're eradicated by the global machine and churned into yet another easily replaceable, worthless gear, the qualitative value of which is less than shit.
To see that, maybe the threads around can happily show you what'll come.
Maybe they'll help you.
Maybe it'll make it worse.
I'm old and only full of regret, shame, disappointment. Old and very tired, as I sporadically think about everyone I know whose dead.
What are they up to, and where are they?
No.299860
>>299847nta but tell me more about your regret and despair. did you know a lot of people? did they die of natural causes? do you really miss them or are you simply alone (meaning anyone else can replace them)? do you think you retain your capacity to love?
No.299862
Anyone else experiencing extreme highs of low self confidence? Even things I things I used to be remotely good at I just gave up or only see myself losing and failing in comparison. I can't do anything even decent. I am the ultimate failure. I am truly giving up everything. I don't even dare touching anything that requires skill or action, digital or analog, handcrafting or pressing buttons, learning something or use learned skills.
No.299864
>>299862I know the feeling, wiz. I know it all too well. I can sometimes push myself to complete certain video games, and I can briefly soak up a fleeting sense of accomplishment from it, but the other 98% of the time I'm living with the agonizing truth that I'm not particularly good at anything and can't outperform anyone.
No.299889
>>299862This is the part of depression that's fucked up. Anything bad happens I spiral. It's like my whole soul is sore and the slightest damage opens up the wound. And once spiraling there is nothing to hold on to because I got 0 accomplishments to prove that I am not a total loser.
I had to get drunk after losing at a video game because it made me feel so useless for still being terrible after playing for years. And I felt bad over being so upset over a video game which made me spiral more.
No.299892
>>299862>Anyone else experiencing extreme highs of low self confidence?yes, that's exactly me as well. it's crazy how sensitive my sense of self-confidence is, and how quickly it jumps from each extreme without going through the spectrum between, for whatever slightly positive or negative thing.
it's always all or nothing. i never feel like what i truly and objectively know i am, a regular failure like almost everyone else, not even particularly remarkable in that aspect.
No.299895
>>299894i dont understand where you people come from that say pc are expensive
No.299896
>>299895Idk dude, I'm a thirdie and only managed to buy a mid-range laptop. That being said, I'm stingy with money, but I see fellow thirdies left and right who buy gaming PCs, IPhones and even cars but they live in some dank commie block crawling with roaches. Those money would be enough to at least make some renovations in their dens, but they spend it on consoomer products.
No.299897
>>299895New graphic cards coming out still only have like 8 gigs of vram. New games run like ass on anything other than the highest-end gear. Hard drives prices haven't come down and it's all shitty SMR frauds.
>>299896You are not me, but I noticed so many poor people dont have their priorities straight, yet its kind of impossible to compete or start a business with that kind of money. Cant blame them, at all.
No.299916
>>299914And worst part in all that, is that there might be afterlife, so potentially even after death there might not be a peace from this nightmarish shit.
No.299917
>>299894> You cannot buy a (new)car for under $25k nowaydasOh you absolutely can, but its chinkshit.
No.299922
>>299914the thing about search engines not working anymore on every site, is driving me insane, to the point i'm almost practically abandoning the internet.
No.299993
Have you ever felt like you were just taking up space for someone else that might have been better than you? Not even like having physical attributes that were better than yours or whatever, just someone that might have been doing stuff better than you, maybe someone with a higher IQ or just more successful than you'd ever manage to. That is not to say it is something negative or some kind of self-sabotaging thinking, it just feels like some people don't have to try that hard to do stuff or become people, I find it difficult to live. As if it just takes way more effort for me to do small things than normal people. Maybe I'm just depressed or whatever, but even then, it's not even like I am sad all of the time or anything similar. It's more like I don't care about stuff. I put minimal effort into everything, and expect not to succeed or live a good life, I am never let down whenever bad things happen, I just see it as something inevitable for someone like me. Reading my own post I think it could classify as playing the victim in some way, but it's not even like I do it for anyone's attention, I just don't care about anything and everything just fucking sucks constantly no matter what. I look at people that are doing better than me, might have more money than me, and I don't even feel anything about it. I don't feel jealous, I don't feel angry, I don't feel like it is an example of a life that I could be living, something for me to strive towards. I just don't care. People are better off? Fine, they probably did stuff I didn't do and have more than me. People consider me in a negative way? That's fine too, I don't consider myself much better than anyone else either. It's just like every single part about life is seen as some type of competition that I just don't give a shit about. Why the fuck should I do stuff I don't want to do and not be happy? I'm not happy right now either, would I be happier if I did stuff, though? Probably not. I'd just feel drained. I don't know if I'm just coping with having a life that's not really that awesome, but most people share similar lives to mine, maybe somewhat better in some aspects, more money, have had more relationships with succubi, relationships in general. I don't know if I've just come to accept that things might not ever really become that much more better, and it feels like my youth was the only thing I possessed in the past which was actually worth something. But that went away, and now I just feel like I have nothing else in this world that means something to me. I'm just growing older, just like everyone does, and eventually I'll be dead, I'll probably regret spending my life the way I did once I grow even older. Maybe it'll be way worse than what it feels like right now, or maybe I'll become so apathetic that I'm not even going to interact with the outside world any longer. Either way, I'll live. I'll be alive, and that in itself is better than being dead, right? I don't even know anymore. I spent a large amount of time just thinking about how being alive should be enough reason to not feel upset or depressed. But it's just so empty after a while.
No.300007
>>299993No, but i feel, like life i deserved was brutally denied to me and so is life i have, but slowly.
No.300008
It gets better is a lie
No.300013
I want quiet. I hate how loud is everything. Especially fucking music. Don't get me wrong, I like music, but if I listen I do it in a headphone at quiet levels, not bothering others with my shitty taste. But the majority of people like to blast off their shitty music. Really maddening when I hear songs which I actually like, because it ruins the experience to hear it in a disorted, loud format. Everywere there are loud music. I guess I live in a shitty neighbourhood, because right now I hear music from nearby, itt will goes on all night. Not that loud to bother anybody, but i hear it clearly with singing and everything. The worst is when there are some event in the town centre, then the wobbling bass all night is unbearable. Earplugs are not an option, due my ears are easily can be clogged by wax, learnt the hard way using in-ear earphones a long time ago, when I stopped my clogging issues dissapeared. Also I don't live alone, so if I somehow mute the sounds, then I'm stressed of not being alert of someone coming in my room. I just want quiet by naturally, I can't sleep like this, I can't live like this. Life is like an experiment, different torment to different individuals, there are problems, what I don't even consider problem for myself, and there are problems, what are hellish for me, but laughtable issues for others. Or it is just a coping mechanism, as I got so much worrying issu
es, but somehow today I snapped on the unwelcomed music. Like the last straw. Everything is shit and the cherry on top is some fucking, unbearable music to not be able to sleep at least, so tomorrow I will be tired in my shitty job, to have a more hellish experience and I should be glad to slave away my life to be able to buy unhealthy food to live an another day in this nightmare while some rich people get richer by my work.
No.300015
Fuck I missed the get. Shartysisters have been pretty emboldened since they took down 4chinz, did they try to steal it as they always do?
>>300000
No.300017
>>299914Did you think being ruled by satan's chosen people was going to be sunshine and lollipops
No.300100
The depression is bad yeah. The loneliness the anxiety the poverty the physical discomfort it's all bad
but man the worst of the worst is the boredom. i think as you get older you weather all the above but boredom remains and it just chips away at you like a river digging a canal over eons. im so bored. im so fucking bored. everything is so banal. the disenchantment of everything is far worse than any physical discomfort.
No.300103
Ultimately all my problems are rooted in being low energy and dumb as fuck. Ive seen far uglier, poorer and abused people than me make a comeback, its because they move through life, while im just waiting for death. My parents were extremely similar, im starting to think fighting back is really futile.
>>300100Yeah, I guess that "lack of meaning" falls under boredom, right?
>everything is so banal. the disenchantment of everything is far worse than any physical discomfort.Ive seen infographics talking about how theres a peak in the number of suicides when men reach 30s, then goes down and starts climbing as they go over 65. Now, what key events happen at these ages? life is both too short if you have someone to share it with and too long if you dont.
No.300106
>>300104High level INT here, this could not be further from the truth. You have no idea how little people care that you are quick-witted, intellectually adaptable, how good you are at solving problems, how easily you learn, how deeply you understand specific abstract concepts even in fields that demand it, etc. If anything, it turns people away even if you're making no attempt to flaunt it. I've seen absolute morons way happier than me and I envy them.
No.300107
>>300106Okay, but are you good at making money or creating "value" for others?
No.300108
>>300107What do you think?
No.300109
Now I want to rant, so I'm going to rant.
"Intelligence" does not help you on any meaningful level. You know the guy who slept through class or didn't even show up and somehow he got perfect scores on tests and was top of his class? That was me. I'm a "literally Mensa" Wechsler 138. Did extraordinarily well in school. Was tested as a child for giftedness and placed out of my grade more than once and was having more difficult schoolwork heaved at me by the bucketload. Nobody gives a shit that I'm "smart" including myself. I doubt you, whoever is reading this, care either. If you do, it's likely that I've turned you off with it, which completely proves my point. Even I hate being called "smart." It's a shit compliment that only makes me feel worse about being a failure. I hate thinking about it for a multitude of reasons.
You want to know what does help you on some kind of meaningful level? Social prowess and being born into a family that knows powerful people. That's how all those top positions in life get filled. And with that in mind, I was heavily bullied in school, abused by my family, and grew up poor, so you can imagine how well I turned out. Top of my class, bottom of the food chain. I'd trade my above-average intellectual abilities for average if it meant I didn't have a shit life.
Intelligence only gets you as far as an academic institution can throw you out the door. And if you're a mentally ill, bullied, abused trainwreck of a man, they can't throw you very far. No one can. And even if they could, people like me do not get rewarded with "NASA jobs" or whatever people think we get. We get the exact same shit jobs unless we know influential people or are extremely socially proficient (like Frank Abagnale Jr.). I obviously don't know anyone influential, and even if I did, I'm pretty sure being a mental trainwreck would keep me out of whatever is on the table.
And if you still don't believe me: look up how horribly Nikola Tesla was treated. He was, in my opinion, one of the most intelligent men to walk the Earth. And he lived like an absolute fucking loser.
tl;dr: A degree or a high IQ or anything else is not a magic bullet for your problems. If you're mentally ill it's actually the opposite: it's insult on top of injury.
No.300113
>>300112is 50k a year that bad of a salary where you live?
No.300114
>>300113I can't do back labor no matter the price. I'm a frail nerd.
No.300115
>>300103>Yeah, I guess that "lack of meaning" falls under boredom, right? Yeah
No.300116
>>300109I know what you mean, wiz. I'm not as gifted as you, but I do possess a few traits that many would consider 'keys to success.' However, it doesn't matter one bit because as you say, none of it means shit without the right connections or a willingness to exploit others. Most of the modern world runs on nepotism or scams. It doesn't matter one bit if a man is intelligent, attractive, physically fit, or highly skilled, if he doesn't know the right people or isn't willing to trample others for his own success, then he can only ever go so far. I know the world isn't all bad, but it sucks enough that I can easily lament being a part of it.
No.300118
>>300112Not saying you shouldn't kill yourself, but don't worry about AI. What we have now are just fancy convex optimizers applied to clever encodings of problems as optimization objectives, we had fundamental math for almost a century and virtually all of the groundwork for 50 years now. There won't be any major changes for another 50 years at least. You can't replace accountability, intent and reasoning with blind problem optimization in current legal or business frameworks. Furthermore, even then few would be short-sighted enough to intentionally make their domains unmaintainable, so there will always be a place for human expertise. But you have to gain that expertise, consider investing some time in doing something fun like programming. Doesn't matter what language and what kind, if you enjoy it - you'll gain knowledge over years and finding employment won't be difficult then.
No.300119
>>300118If nothing else, programming is a nice passtime to kill time before it kills you.
No.300123
>>300118Programming is one of the jobs that is already getting layoffs. Those 50k/year codemonkey jobs are already disappearing according to people on internet who have lost employment and can't find new jobs. While the algorithms are worse than humans, it doesn't change the fact that AI works for free and some moron executive cares only about his bottom line. If he sees a dollar to save, he will fire you.
No.300124
>>300109>>299993Just wanted to say that these are very good posts, much appreciated wizzies
>>300100>play video games and feel like ive wasted time instead of being productive>do something productive (draw, make music, youtube stuf) it gets zero views or any reward, realize i couldve been playing video ganes insteadFuck it, im just gonna stay in bed. The best action is inaction.
No.300125
>>300109Hooray for you, humble braggart.
This is like having to read some posts on /fit/ about 200+cm complaining about their "hardships".
No.300126
>>300125You're saying average 6'6" guys can't have it tough?
No.300127
>>300123And then he will spend premium re-writing everything from scratch, because codebase can't be maintained. Only niggers don't think about the future that they themselves will inherit.
No.300128
Wizs, I don't know who to tell that anymore, but I feel weird.
Lately, I feel really overwhelmed and on edge, and I feel weird. Like, not really depression, I feel like there is something dangerous all the time.
If there is nothing dangerous, I just start thinking about how my house might collapse on itself, or the boiler that heats my water will explode, or when I'm out and walking on a street thar a brick might fall from the skies and kill me.
And usually when I'm outside, I can feel people staring at me and poking fun at me. When I walk past a group of teens, I feel like they might attack me any moment and beat me up. I know it's not true but it feels like it, like they really want to beat me into a bloody blob.
I don't know why people are so nasty at me, I thought it's because I'm butt ugly but I look in the mirror and see nothing wrong, but then I think that mirrors usually lie and you actually look uglier and I freak out more.
I go to a psychiatrist and I wanted to tell it to her, but I don't trust her because I started to believe that she gives me ineffective meds to me. I know that she discriminated against me because I'm ugly. She also pushes therapy down my throat but I don't want to tell her anything because I feel she only tolerates me because she wants to extract secrets from me, like gossip about my family etc. And idk, I try not to talk about my family members, they are so oblivious to what I'm going through that I start to think they want me to kill myself and they actively push me into committing suicide.
I don't really know when it all started, I think around six months or so. First, I started neglecting my hygiene and showering and brushing my hair was hard, I try now but I feel scared in the shower and that will kill me. Then, the thoughts started to come and now I can't think about nothing but danger 24/7, my brain is slowly turning into mush and I can't concentrate for shit. Any small inconvenience throws me over the edge and I snap at people easily. I became so irratible that I alienated my family, and I really regret it afterwards, but when I'm in the moment, I feel like they are nasty and they have malicious intents.
No.300129
>>300128A lot of things you describe feel extremely relatable, like teenager thing, I feel that shit all the time when near people like that, I guess fitting word is paranoia, you lost ability to relax ever, I have the same thing but only around social shit, like brick and slipping in bath doesn't scare me. Were you like that before the meds? Maybe talk to therapist about getting different ones? I think you can stop worrying about that bitch spying on you or whatnot, no matter what she thinks, there's zero benefit to ever talking about patients like that, while you getting at least stable benefits her a lot, at least tell her you've been more restless lately. Take a bath every morning, I think you're likely normal looking dude, but being a bit dirty puts people off it may also help with stressing less about accidents, I prefer long baths over showers, but pick whichever you prefer.
For social stuff I don't know man, I cope with the feeling by always listening to music outside and always reading shit on phone when I'm free or both. So, I don't really have another solution for that, I've been living with that since kindergarden or school, not quite sure.
No.300130
>>300128I'd like to say you're just anxious but from how bad you're describing it could be paranoid disorder or schizophrenia. If it is just anxiety that you can use regular therapeutic methods like breaking the negative feedback loop by practicing mindfulness and recognizing negative thoughts when they come up so you don't pursue it and using calming activities to relax.
If it is schizophrenia then I am sorry dude. I don't know how to help.
No.300131
>>300128>psychiatrist>herUh oh.
>I started to believe that she gives me ineffective meds to meHoly shit there's your problem. All depression "medication", especially SSRIs, induce paranoia, restlessness, and mental unease just as much as dope or meth. Why would you agree to let someone chemically alter your brain? Did you even Google the pills you were prescribed? For fucks sake, stop letting people drug you.
No.300132
>>300125What would you do if you breezed through school and had nothing else?
No.300133
>>300130I hope I don't going schizo and it's just nasty side effects from the meds. The thing is, I had those thoughts before but I was able to distract myself a bit if I listened to upbeat music, and they just faded into background but never disappeared. Now they are front and center in my mind all the time.
>>300131Yeah, I know, it's probably the meds, although, as I said, it was there before but now the meds accelerated it. I skipped my dose today, and I'll probably stop taking them, but I really wish that I stop being so jumpy and if it means taking medication, I'm okay with it.
No.300134
>>300133Take it from a guy that gets heavy suicidal episodes and has been in and out of psyche wards. Medication can throw you way off and usually the doctors aren't pretty open about the ways they can. They expect you to be forthcoming about what's going wrong and why, and they like to adjust doses to match. I was given Benzos and it was like I took meth, I couldn't calm down, I was up for three days and I had to get filled with anti-psychotics to shut me down.
Anti-psychotics are basically the only meds that do effectively calm you consistently without the risk of going off the rails, but they do damage you with time. With benzos and other SSRIs and shit you're running the gauntlet a bit but don't get as much damage.
You're going to have to get this sorted though, because everyone gets fucked over eventually and if you're exploited in that bad head space of yours, it'd -really- push you down. I can only think of what a car accident or assault would do to your mind while you're thinking like this.
>>300109I feel like high levels of intelligence is, in part, a function of good health, and without good health you lose it. Cognitive ability is very similar to sporting ability. It fades as you age, like the phase "Engineers over 40 are taken out back and shot" isn't much of an exaggeration. Like sports, if you haven't achieved anything by the age of 30, you're unlikely to ever achieve anything. I think health problems do knock you down and as this wizard lifestyle sets in, you become average.
No.300135
>>300134Thanks for a heads up but I tolerate antipsychotics quite well. SSRIs, on other hand, are like AIDS and Hitler combined.
I just contacted my old psych instead of that frigid bitch. I guess I'll take an injection soon.
I'm not afraid though. When I had those problems too, I had voice broadcasting and heard voices. The injection made it all go away, and after a few days of misery (I literally was a human pretzel with how had convulsions were) I found peace and serenity, there is nothing quite like it.
No.300136
My life really lacks direction of any sort, and as much as there could be people that mention the same to me, it doesn't help at all. I especially dislike it when it is implied that when compared to other people that I should be doing something else with my life than I am right now, obviously that being nothing. Sometimes it is brought up how there are people younger than me with better lives, compare me with specific people, as if I should feel ashamed for living my life the way I have. But I don't even get upset, as they mention other people, I actually agree with the fact that I might not be very successful. You're telling me that there's someone else who's doing better than me? That's great. If you really like that, maybe you should go talk to that person instead of me. Because clearly, the problem is not myself for not being someone else, if you like that other person so much and use them as examples to how I should be living, try being their friend and spend time with them instead of me. I'm not even saying that I shouldn't be aware of the fact that I've spent most of my life so far doing jack shit, but this entire comparison thing to me is just a bunch of bullshit. Should I feel upset for not having a different life? Sometimes it can feel like expectations of me surpass my own expectations of myself, and when that is the case, then I'm not the one that gets sad or upset when compared to other people I might not be doing that great, seems like the issue might instead be in the eye of the beholder. I'm not the one who's constantly let down by the way life turned out, I'm not saying my life is amazing, there definitely could have been way better outcomes, but I'm not sad or upset by any means. If the people around me are, and I am not, then the issue might not be me.
No.300141
When we die, our consciousness disappears and it'll be as if we had never existed at all.
No.300143
>>299661These kind of quotes really bother me. Yes, all of this true but now what? What options do I have if don't want to kill myself here and now?
No.300145
>>300143OP pic is just some cringe teenager male baby's first existential crisis. It really doesn't matter in the least that nothing is permanent. As long as you live, you should do stuff you enjoy. Not because it will last forever, but because you are here, right now. Only the present exists. So who cares whether everything will return to dust one day? While I'm alive and exist I will have fun, it doesn't concern me in the least what will happen after I'm gone.
No.300186
not sure if i am just feeling bored or i am a lonely and it's just me seeking social interaction for the good feel hormones.
No.300187
I hate my life. 4 months left until I can get jaw surgery & my sleep apnea might finally be cured but I think I will go crazy from the NEETing & having to deal with my faggot parents in the meantime. Hopefully I don't kill myself but at this point it might be worthit as the mental damage otherwise would be impossible to cure.
No.300189
>>300145That is just as much of a cringe teenager male baby's first existential insight as you blame OP's pic is. What a shallow female way to live. Despicable.
No.300190
>>300189Explain to me why someone should be depressed because things aren't permanent? The "big picture" doesn't matter at all. You only live your life from your very subjective pov. Basically, death and passing away can only be experience through the loss of things and other people while you live. You can't experience non-existence directly. Death is just an illusion. Destruction is just an illusion. Only life exists.
No.300191
>>300190If you want to live in the present like a cow contently munching on cud then that's fine.
No.300194
>>300192
Fuck off. You don't belong here.
No.300195
>>300145I honestly dont understand what even make you say that. I hate using this word but you might be projecting a bit there. Isnt it natural to think of reasons to live when generally speaking the juice aint worth the squeeze? Or actually think through what the rest of your years will look like?
No.300198
I like the pic and OP's explanation, think he did the previous thread too. Thank you OP! It's normal to think about the future when you are suffering, everyone thinks about the bigger picture. Religion, power, all copes to refuse looking at the deadend that awaits us all. Oblivion is the best outcome so i'm not gloomy about it, just don't wanna come back to this shithole or any dimensional hellhole.
No.300200
End of week 3 and this flatline is killing me. The depression and lethargy i hate but the low libido is a gift. I hope my brain and body heals in due time.
No.300208
>>300191>>300195My problem is with being depressed over retarded teenager shit like "everything will pass away, why bother with anyything??" If you want to complain and be depressed then at least do it for the proper reasons like financial problems, health problems or shit like that, things that have something to do with your life. Obsessing over abstract philosophical shit is just a waste of time and energies.
No.300209
>>300208It's obvious that you never spend time thinking about things really. That's okay. Questionable that you reflect this position on the depression board but it's fine. You will just be you. You must be either third world country or have a female personality.
No.300210
>>300209No, I'm just probably older than you and I'm way past that stage when cosmic nihilism bothers me. If I get depressed nowadays it's only because of things that have an actual effect on my life, not because "there is no meaning in anything!44"
No.300224
>>300209Not him but, and I don't want to be condescending because we're all depressed wizzies here, but just pure "nothing matters, we're all going to die" is very low level stuff. Like yeah, eventually everything you've ever seen, everyone you've ever known, every video, every song, every word, every anything will vanish and be replaced with something else. In the meantime you're here for another 60~ years, and the experiences and feelings and thoughts you are having right now are very real.
If somebody beat you up, or you got sick, or you were hungry to near death — you would not be thinking: this doesn't matter because I'm gonna die eventually. You would be sad, in pain, hungry, angry. If a loving parent suddenly drops dead and you're forced out on the street, homeless with no friends or family, you've just lost tons of very real and material things: security, safety, love(?), friendship(?) — no amount of philosophising about the nature of decay is going to comfort you in that situation. Let's say you had a pet cat, you loved that cat, it provided companionship and affection — then the cat died. If someone said to you: well it doesn't matter because we're all going to die anyway, you'd probably want to punch them in their stupid fucking face. What a seriously naive way of looking at things. There's immutable characteristics about life you can't just tear off and quarantine separately away from your person under a nihilistic banner. Unless you're somebody who's seriously mentally ill or a schizoid who can't feel things like your standard baseplate human (probably not you) It doesn't work like that.
If everything deteriorates, then surely there's value in working towards the opposite? If every accomplishment is made redundant upon death, then surely each accomplishment is more meaningful by extension? I don't mean this is a smarmy normalfag carpe dieme xd life is so beautiful make every second count trite sort of way, no, because life is often boring, shitty and miserable - but then that means the opposite potential reality of a good and fulfilling life is actually very meaningful under the conditions of a finite playtime.
If you really want to filter life down to 1's and 0's and binary metrics like alive|dead then sure go ahead, but there's absolutely no utility in that, and I'm speaking as someone who's depressed as fuck and constantly thinks about killing himself. I'm miserable because my life fucking sucks, not because I'm gonna die and it'll be like I never existed. Who gives a fuck about that? While I'm here I exist, so I want my life to be good, I want to be fulfilled, I want belonging and connection, but I seemingly cannot have those things, and it pains me greatly. I cannot simply astroturf these feelings away through nihilism. If you've ever felt good, happy, fulfilled, connected, valued, respected, curious, excited, pleased, content or amused at any point in your entire life, even for just a moment, that alone completely negates nihilism as any sort of sensible or meaningful thing to give credit to or be depressed about.
No.300229
>>300188DUDE!!! Grimjack is fucking AWESOME! So ahead of its time. Probably one of my favorite comics. Yeah he never breaks his doom but the uncle aka his father foresaw the ending of the multiverse and says grimjack's death will be the most interesting of all. So i think he ends his doom by ending Cynosure. God Cynosure, so many good memories.
No.300230
people talk about how great waking up early is because you get more time to do what you like but when you are a N.E.E.T with no projects and hobbies, it becomes like a chore, i just wait until i can be sleepy enough to head to bed, i hate how slow the passage of time is, i hate how empty and boring my life is, i wish i could sleep 16 hours a day minimum.
No.300231
111>>300210
The point is not whether or not it's a concern whether things are ephemeral. It's just infantile to discredit other wizzes of their suffering. Saying 'your suffering isn't real and your dumb to be depressed about it' is not only arrogant it's also an act of aggression and harm towards those wizzes. If you think this is of no concern then this doesn't mean it's not important to others. And making this a matter of age is even more of an immature sign.
No.300232
existence is just torment without purpose
No.300233
>>300208Chew your cud, cow.
No.300234
>>300231I'm not saying your suffering isn't real. I'm just saying you don't have to make yourself suffer over stuff like this. I spent my teenage years doing exactly this, brooding over meaningless philosophical debates/questions and being depressed over stuff that doesn't really matter at all in the long run. I don't know how old are you or people who think like you here, I'm 28 now and can honestly say that I wasted a lot of years pondering over retarded shit and making myself depressed over nothing. It's not an act of aggression to state my very subjective experiences and opinions, you are free to disregard them. I'm just giving you a friendly advice and that is simply to mind your own business. You won't solve the problems of the universe or find answers to the eternal questions of life. There's no sense in taking upon your shoulder the suffering of the whole world or the apparent absurdity of existence…Nobody will give you any medal for this and nobody will care. You will only rot away in your misery while everyone else is enjoying their life.
I'm currently reading Bergman's 7th Seal (reading Bergman movie scripts that got collected into a book) and I watched the movie itself a long time ago and it's like re-discovering this thing completely. There's a part at the beginning where the knight and his helper go into a church. The servant of the knight talks to a painter who is painting horrible scenes of suffering and death on the wall. They talk about it and the servant pretty much just says "yeah, this is cool but what's the use of it really? Brooding over this stuff will only make people miserable" And this is how I feel really about this topic too. I don't mean that you shouldn't think at all. But getting obsessed with stuff that's out of your control is just a waste of energy and time.
>>300224This line of thinking pretty much got popularized through religions like Christianity and Buddhism. And for what purpose? To throw the miserable masses of people into the comforting arms of the priesthood or monk classes. If people don't their life then they don't need spiritual gurus and leaders.
No.300235
>>300198Thank you :), i guess it started a Wizard and Liches debate :D. Yes i also did the previous one and will do the next one.
>>300229Cool another Grimjack fan! That's the theory, john was supposed to do a novel to wrap things up but it never came. Sweet cynosure right :).
No.300236
>>300234Not gonna lie you sound like a roastie.
No.300237
>>300124what kind of music do you make wizzie ?
No.300248
>>300118I kind of think, a lot of large models are actually just overfitted and incapable of doing more applied things. When I tried to implement some kind bezier control point calculation function for smoothing a line in a android canvas view the llm just returned the same text line for line from some website that wasnt the right thing. In the end I used some linear algebra to calculate some intersections to do it myself. so fucking annoying when you want to do stuff thats already annoying to find with a google search.
No.300249
>>300244Not to mention that for some reason I read things over and over again but I can't remember them at all. Fuck me. I should have studied way before the exams but I doubt that would've made any difference because I would have simply forgotten it. I literally can't remember for crap.
No.300250
>>300249its funny how Ive just graduated out of school before chatgpt debuted. Are you from usa?
No.300251
>>300250Nope, from the third world.
No.300252
>>300234I am 32. I also went to phase like you where I said it’s pointless to think about these things and it’s better to just be busy living. But life’s a circle. No, I am not one of the wizzes that praised OPs pic neither do I think it’s a problem that we die. If anything that is the only redemption we can hope for even though that’s not certain. It might be of no use to ponder about these questions that’s true in a way but then again nothing is of any use. The point is that life has not much to offer except variants of things keeping happening in different flavors. The busy flowing pleasure colorful life is just as retarded after a while as dealing with philosophy and death. Indeed reading philosophy again can be way more entertaining than succumbing to the flesh and senses and ‘normal life’ whatever that’s supposed to be. I had fair share of it and it just becomes as boring and disappointing.
No.300253
So I guess I'm suicidal. But listen here for a second, I'm afraid of improving my life substantially because I know that will make want to keep on living and eventually become too attached to life itself, fearing death intensely. In a way my current position is preferable, because if I had a gun big enough next to me I would not hesitate to kill myself. But I do not have a gun, because I am poor (and live in a lolnogunz country). I will not accept any other suicide method, I'm too cowardly for them. The only way out of this poverty, and to get back at some people before I die, is by getting money and the only way to get money is by improving my life and working hard.
What should I do?
No.300254
>>300253Do you truly want to die, like actually, really, dying. Or do you just want for the pain to stop?
No.300255
>>300254I want to die. You may be thinking "if you were serious you'd already be dead" yes but also consider the following: if I had the balls to kill myself in any method other than the certain instant and painless release coming from a shotguns barrel, I problably wouldn't be suicidal in first place.
No.300256
When I was in elementary school the kid sitting next to me had the words "Scott Hall" written in his notebook. To me that sounded like the name of a school or something so I asked if that's the name of his older brother's high school. He just sighed and told me to shut up.
That's how worthless and stupid I was. That's how irrelevant I was. That's how easily pushed aside I was. I wanted to relate to him but he couldn't even be bothered to explain that it was a wrestler he liked. I'll never be able to fit in. I'll never know what it's like to have a circle of friends. I'll never be respected as a human being.
At this point in my life I don't even try to fit in anymore. I just annoy everyone around me or isolate myself. I know that if I try to fit in I'll fail so subconsciously I just want to fast forward to the part where everyone hates me.
No.300257
>>300255Would it be easy to stick the barrel of the gun in your mouth, pull the trigger, knowing that it will go into your skull and plaster your brains all over the walls? Not knowing if it would be painless or for a split second you will experience unimaginable agony? Knowing that your brain might sense it's dying before the blood flow to it completely stops? How would you imagine the few seconds until you die? With a brain that is dying, with its missing parts, barely registering what happened to it?
Do you think it's not painless?
No.300263
>>300244are you the indian anon who made a thread titled "this place is scary" some months ago?
he also talked about his cognitive issue in regards to college
No.300269
>>300252>If anything that is the only redemption we can hope for even though that’s not certain1 thing I always found inconsistent with the whole nihilism thing is that the people who subscribe to it are implying that everything passing away is a bad thing when they themselves hate life so much. So if someone hates life and thinks it is just suffering then the argument "everything passes away into nothingness eventually" should be comforting, not depressing.
People's personal views and philosophies come and go, I agree that in this way life is like a circle. I try not to get too attached to any definite thought system nowadays, I just make up my personal philosophy as things happen. Whatever works at the moment is good enough for me. Whatever helps me achieve my current goal is good.
>>300253>What should I do?Idk, but what you shouldn't is asking strangers on image boards to give you advice based on a few sentence post. Decide for yourself. You don't have to make any epic decision that you will have to stick by for the rest of your life, you are free to change your opinions at any time. Don't get too worked up about this thing. If you feel like dying then go ahead. If you have doubts and I think you do otherwise you wouldn't be asking us for advice then stick around for a little longer.
No.300272
>>300257It wouldn't be easy, no, not at all. I would hesitate, perhaps for hours, but once you pull the trigger there is no going back unlike every other method. That's why I like it. If you do it right your head literally explodes, and the average reaction time is 250ms, more than enough for the pellets to liquefy your brain matter before they've even reached the outer skull. It's 100% painless.
>>300269>a few sentence post.I tried to keep it brief because I was hoping someone would readily relate and understand what I was trying to get at. Lately I've noticed more and more people romanticize early death, romanticize is maybe the wrong word but it's a very similar train of thought: it doesn't get any better and on the contrary, you become ridiculously attached to life and/or fear dying the longer you stay alive. Anon, 2020 wasn't long ago, do you remember how psychotic baby boomers became when confronted with the prospect of dying from someone sneezing at them?
>If you have doubts and I think you do otherwise you wouldn't be asking us for advice then stick around for a little longer.Heeeyyyyyy I have an idea: crowdfunded suicide. Would you be my angel of death, friend?
No.300280
>>300272Don't confuse old normalfag with old wiz behavior, that is if old wizards are even a thing because I think pretty much after 30 most guys here either drop dead (thanks to suicide or illness or bad circumstances) or just somehow manage to make it in society to get by, maybe even norm it up and become wizdads. Anyway, yeah old norms are deathly afraid for their life but I think if you are here then you will always have some criticism toward things and existence in general.
I'd give you one advice: don't use suicide as a cope. Many people here are like "oh if it gets bad I'll just magically kill myself and problem solved". No, it's not that easy for most people. Some guys are capable of suicide while the majority simply don't have it in themselves. So if you are honestly interested in this then do it. Otherwise? Just accept your fate to suffer and rot in this world.
No.300282
>>300280Yeah, it's funny that "officially" wizarddom starts at 30, when in fact at that point there's already 15+ years of suffering, completely lonely and wasted teenage years etc. behind.
30 is an end station for many and 40 for most. Very very few people have the energy to keep going after that.
No.300283
>>300282Yeah, spot on. I'm only a 27 lvl apprentice, but I already feel like my life should have a final chapter already. It's not that I want to die, I just think it's bullshit that I need to live past 30 or so.
I have a theory that in the ancient times people indeed mostly died in their 30s-40s and it was because humans naturally live only up to that age (without civilization and modern medicine). WHO might push an idea that youth lasts till your 40s, but really, it's unnatural. Most people start noticing the first signs of age when they turn 30. I think it's the time when you can be considered old. There is no much point in living past that. You are weak. Your seed gets worse and more damaged (if you are a wiz) and your eggs get stale and rotten (if you are a witchy). Most people feel like their late teens and early 20s are the best times of their lives because you are actually not meant to love longer than that.
On the similar note, most of us weren't meant to be born. Or at least live past infancy. Infant mortality was rampant before modern medicine, and I think there is a reason for that. Those who died early were usually mentally and physically weak. I don't know about others here, but I almost died of pneumonia in my infancy. If not for the modern medicine, the nature would've taken its course. Some people are just genetic rejects and love on life support created by modern civilization.
No.300284
>>300283>Virgin? Want to stop finally being butthurt about not being a good lil reproducer? Well if you're not a chad, you will always seethe, so just kill yourselfFaggot
No.300285
>>300283Youth doesn't fucking last until 40.
Prehistoric people were GRANDPARENTS by the time they were 40.
These dysgenic modern human succubi in 2025 start "pondering" at age 43 whether they should start planning their first child.
Then act surprised upon hearing they have zero viable eggs left.
No.300286
>>300284I don't see his post that way. There were good points made, including the fact many posters here (me included) would probably have already died by 20 if it wasn't for modern medicine.
It wasn't that unusual for a family of 8 to have 7 dead kids before they were even teenagers.
It's hilarious how people in their 50s, 60s etc. try to be youthful.
Normal human lives don't last much past 30 and never have. It's absolutely normal to feel dread and terror at that age, especially if you are alone in life. 30 is old.
No.300289
To piggyback on my previous post, here some results yielded by a quick google search:
Caleb Finch (2007:402) argues that by the Upper Paleolithic in Europe - 30,000 Years Before Present (YBP) - people were living significantly longer than the great apes do (15-20 years).
A study done on two populations of neolithic skeletons (15,000 - 12,000 YBP and 12,000 - 8,000 YBP) lists life expectancy at birth as about 25, and the adult mean age at death as 32. The ratio between adult mean age at death for females and males was swapped between the two cultures, which is a little odd. In any case, the two had the same mean (Hershkowitz and Gopher 2008:445).
There was a Bronze Age (~4000 YBP) site in Thailand where the scientists argue a life expectancy at birth of just around 28 years. The mean adult age at death there was about 36. The authors note that that's at the high end of the prehistoric Japanese societies (~29-35 years) (Pietrusewsky and Douglas 2002:196)
It seems that people back than lived until their mid 30s. Though, most people in the past died mostly because of infections and the like.
Additionally, infant mortality was around 20-40%, compared to 1% today. According to my theory (source: I pulled it out of my ass) around 20-40% of modern humans are genetic trash who would've died during infancy.
But it goes deeper. Wizards existed even in the past. BTW, like us, they mostly lived 30 or so years. Some statistics claim that only 33% of men reproduced in the past. The rest were crabs or wizzies. So, out of the 60% percent of people who survived infancy, only around 30% were fit enough to spread their genes. The number is actually similar to today's one. Some data shows that 30% of men aged 17-30 are virgins. But we need to note that those include those that can live thanks to the modern medicine. Which means we actually have a higher percent of unfit people also reproducing. So, even if you are a sex haver, you are probably passing your defective genes and soon this whole disgenic house of cards will crumble when the number of genetic trash will crumble on its own weight.
No.300290
>>300286Im 23yo should I kill myself?
No.300292
>>300290Why should you? I, personally, want to live to make normgnomes lives worse.
No.300293
>>300290Not yet, might as well at least try to "enjoy" or appreciate your youth while you have it, mine went by in a blink.
No.300294
>>300286I agree, it's "unnatural" for humans to live this long and extend their youths. But I don't see what's wrong with that. Why should "natural" equal "good" ?
Haven't we, as humanity, been running away from the cruelty of nature?
I, for one, embrace the synthetic life of tomorrow. If eternal life means becoming a fragment of a brain in a vat, then that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.
No.300295
>>300290Suicide is pointless, you do realize it's truly not the end right? If it happened once, it can all happen again, just accept the life you got for now.
No.300301
>>300283>but I almost died of pneumonia in my infancy. If not for the modern medicine, the nature would've taken its course. Some people are just genetic rejects and love on life support created by modern civilization.This doesn't mean anything because lots of normalfags would be dead too without modern conveniences, even Chads. Besides, it often happens in nature that a young sickly animal grows up to be the most beautiful/strongest/alpha animal. Life isn't so much about genes as it is about luck. Well, having good genes is a question of luck too but you get what I mean I think. Even the healthy and strong animal can be struck down by lightning while the weak omega animal can survive thanks to dumb luck.
>>300290Use a coin to decide it or tarot cards.
>>300294>Why should "natural" equal "good" ?Many people are indoctrinated into (social) darwinism and so they think we should all live like lions or bears lol They ignore the fact that civilization and science are tools we built for ourselves just like a monkey uses a stick to get the food he wants. So we deserve to use them for our own convenience and there is no shame in it.
No.300302
>>300128 I posted itt about advice not long ago and I didn't receive an injection and the meds don't help me.
I just feel overstressed all the time and I act irrationally all the time because of it. I alienated all of my family (I know, my fault) and they just washed their hands and said I'm not their problem anymore.
Anyway, I don't know what to do. I'm so jittery and those terrible thoughts don't go away, but my situation at him doesn't help me. Also, my wagesliving took a nose dive because of all that stuff and now I might risk loosing my job.
Since I live with my parents and our relationship is really strained, I considered leaving my home and becoming homeless. Any tips? Anyone here lived the hobo life? I truly don't know what else to do and when I ask my parents to help me with a psychiatrist appointment, they say I'm a lost cause and nothing will help me.
I plan to find some shelter and live in the local park (I see a lot of homeless guys sleeping there, so it might be safe). I also have a bit of money to my name and if I eat only cheap stuff and rummage for leftovers it might help. My only problem are cigarettes.
No.300310
>>300283>but I almost died of pneumonia in my infancy. Yep, common theme amongst losers or otherwise "unlucky" individuals. My mom told me I "almost died" from some respiratory illness, not sure if pneumonia, and to make it worse when she was a kid she almost too died from some nothingburger. Alas, having a vagina meant she got to pass her pitiful, crappy genes.
>>300285I think what he means is that hard decline starts at 40, some very fit and healthy people manage to stay like that until 60 even, but any longer than that is like unicorn types.
>>300301>would be dead too without modern conveniences>it often happens in nature that a young sickly animal grows up to be the most beautiful/strongest/alpha animal.I think youre making shit up brother, no offense. It is true than disease and hardship can and do harden people and animals, but only because they always had the "right" genes waiting to shine, but others fail that test and remain artificially alive to the detriment of society around them ie. our parents and us. Eventually nature weeds you out like it or not.
Speaking about that, aren't basically like 99.9% of species doomed to extinction anyway?
No.300312
>>300283yup. Theres a reason why old men with beards were considered magical; it's because people weren't living that long in medieval times.
No.300314
>>300294The length of life is irrelevant if we can't find a way to physically stop aging at around 20-30.
Who cares if you live to 140 if your body by that point is a completely dried up raisin and your bone strength barely allows you to lift your fingers.
No.300317
>>300314>your body by that point is a completely dried up raisin and your bone strength barely allows you to lift your fingers.You don't need to by juicy and flexible to watch anime.
No.300318
>>300317Watching anime from ages 80-140 doesn't seem like a viable way to spend a life.
No.300322
i turn 32 this year, anyone else just accepted death and was ready to die around this age?
No.300324
>>300310>only because they always had the "right" genes waiting to shineThere is no "right" gene though. I mean it is possible and happens a lot of times when 'bad genes' get passed down. So who decides what is good or bad? As far as nature is concerned the gene got passed down and that's it. This shit about good and bad genes is just a human invention.
>Eventually nature weeds you out like it or not.Nature is just a fucking madhouse and doesn't have set principles, at least that's my impression. If the so called "inferior" genes couldn't propagate themselves then there would be no need for eugenics among animals and humans. But lots of people who hold views similar to yours end up believing that some eugenics program is needed in the world.
>Speaking about that, aren't basically like 99.9% of species doomed to extinction anyway?Everyone will die so all is fine. I guess…
>>300322Been waiting for death since I was 14.
No.300327
>>300324Exactly. Bad and even dysgenic genes pass onwards all the time. Nature doesn't "select" anything anymore because we aren't at the mercy of weather, beasts and famine.
If a thing procreates and has kids, it's fit. Even if it's a drooling midget with mental retardation IQ.
A supermodel succubi who has 130 IQ and speaks 7 languages fluently is evolutionarily unfit if she can't have biological kids.
No.300329
>>30032229 year old apprentice here, i already feel like this. i have various problems with my body, unemployed, dont enjoy consuming media anymore, this life feels like torture
No.300330
>>300327That's why passing on your genes doesn't have anything to do with superiority or quality. If anything, retarded people can reproduce much more efficiently. Look at poor people, people who grow up in shit socio-economic circumstances, people witch actual mental problems like drug addicts and actually retarded people who can't even write. All of these people usually have kids because they are so stupid that acting on basic animal instincts is all they are capable of. Meanwhile people who are educated, intelligent and sophisticated often have trouble with finding partners and lots of times remain alone. Why? Because they simply overthink things and don't act on their impulses easily.
In short people often confuse natural selection with eugenics. The two are opposite to each other. If natural selection worked according to some logic or principle then there would be no need for eugenics.
No.300333
>>300330You're spot on with the instinct/animalistic theory.
High IQ or non-NT smart highly salaried people are often so inhibited, correct, polite and non-animalistic that they elicit zero sexual interest in anyone.
They never act on impulses and overthink every single action they take in life to the point of decision fatigue.
And they're the ones who most often have 0 kids.
Whereas ghetto drug dealers who do whatever they feel like doing in the spur of the moment & can't write their name correctly on a piece of paper, have 6 kids.
No.300336
I envy wizards who got help early and got on permaneetbux. My ego prevented this and got myself into wageslavery. It did help me get outta my "hole" but it's not worth it in the longrun. The neetwizard (on bux) has given up and build their own world. Where the wageslave has to leave every fucking day until they die. OP's pic is important here because why the fuck would you suffer if you got some tiny morsels and you die anyways. Fucksake
No.300338
>>300333Who said high IQ is a desirable trait? A dumb maverick with high dark triad triats has more sexual partners. Similarly, with succubi, I would say being dumb is an advantage. Nobody wants a succubus with a smart sassy mouth.
High IQ is disgenic, in a way.
No.300339
>>300338High IQ in the big picture is definitely dysgenic and a harmful Fisherian runaway that is causing population pyramids in high average IQ countries to collapse.
South Korean, Japanese and Taiwanese people have practically stopped having kids. Fertility rates have fallen way below 1,0.
No.300358
>>300338>>300339IQ doesn't even reflect creativity properly which I would argue is more important than just being "smart".
No.300391
People romanticize low impulse control psychopaths because they do well in a society where criminals are coddled, like ours. There's a reason those psychological traits are rare, they weren't historically that advantageous. They had a small niche in tribal warfare, outside of that no niche at all.
What happened is retard low impulse control psychopaths would fail to save up enough food for the winter, and then die.
No.300397
>>300391No, they would do something utterly senseless to survive, like killing another human being to steal a few apples from them just to live another 12 hours. And they would likely never stop until culled by other people who need to be able to physically subdue the psycho.
Neurotypicals might just roll over and die from a lack of food, but a psycho would sell their own grandmother for a piece of chicken. They lack conscience of any sense of morality.
No.300400
>>300397It's the same result and you're being a bit pedantic.
They were hung for stealing a loaf of bread out of desperation, or ostracized after performing anti-social behavior. They just died off and died off rapidly for the most part. Unless they got lucky, found a niche or got to fight in a war.
People don't realize how brutal the selection was in the past, and how important pro-social traits once were. Last names associated with the lower classes became rarer with time in parts of Europe, they were filtered out and replaced by the least successful of the upper classes.
No.300414
>>300391>>300400You just romanticize the past, sorry. The truth is that "psychopaths" were always successful in every society and continue to be so. It's only the dumb ones who got or get taken care of but even these guys usually manage to have children before they are out of the picture. Who do you think create your respected social rules? Psychopaths. Societies are literally run by psychopaths. Societies are founded by psychopaths. Social rules and laws are upheld by psychopaths.
>>300397>They lack conscience of any sense of morality.So basically your average person?
No.300415
im doomed due to utter social ineptitude and anxiety. i cant even get hired at the store because i can barely speak and when i do speak i say fucking dumb shit that doesnt reflect my character at all. im gonna be fucking homeless. im nothing but a waste of space.
No.300416
please. take me 14 years back. back in 2011 things went great. compared to now it was heaven. but it's nothing. back then it was something. now it's done. give me back someth…
No.300417
>>300416lets travel back in time together anon, i also want to time travel back to 2011
once we are there lets agree to never make contact though (for our safety)
No.300418
>>300414Riddle me this then, why hasn't natural selection made it so we're all psychopaths? Why is it a pretty rare trait if it's so great? Surely they should've outcompeted all the normies and we'd all be psychopaths by now if it was so great.
>It's only the dumb ones who got or get taken care of but even these guys usually manage to have children before they are out of the picture.It's a retarding disorder, literally correlated heavily with low intelligence. It's like saying "Indonesians are rich, it's only the dumb Indonesians that aren't millionaires", ignoring the fact that most Indonesians are poor.
No.300419
>>300418>Why is it a pretty rare trait if it's so great?Because psychopaths get murdered, executed, or sent to jail before they can spread their genes.
No.300435
>>300418>why hasn't natural selection made it so we're all psychopaths? Why is it a pretty rare trait if it's so great? Surely they should've outcompeted all the normies and we'd all be psychopaths by now if it was so great. This was kind of what I meant with my post. Psychopathy isn't something extremely rare, most people do possess many traits that could get them labeled as psychopaths. To live and to prosper in this world you need to be a psychopath unless you are extremely privileged and lucky. Yes, I'd say the majority of people are psychopaths. But psychiatry is just some jewish invention that is full of baseless assumptions and moralizing so they are afraid of the truth. The truth: psychopathy isn't a disorder, it's the norm.
>>300419Nah, most of those people too manage to usually pass on their genes. Prisons are filled with family men mostly. It isn't a rare trait at all. There are just different variations of psychopathy. Most psychopaths don't commit crimes or if they do they make sure they cover their tracks. Most psychopaths aka your average person use and bend the law to their advantage. They manage to integrate into society and to become "successful" people. But instead of violent crime they resort to manipulation and other anti-social personality traits that get them ahead of others.
No.300454
>>300415Same here fren, too socially retarded and clumy even for a crappy job.
No.300461
>>300418Consider sickle-cell anemia in malarial Africa. Partial sickle-cell expression is healthy in those regions as malaria becomes a nonissue, but the partial expression is still far from the majority because the full expression of the condition causes the child to die. Psychopathy is just one remorse-deficiency condition. And it is related to the others. We can assume for example that BPD is extremely unhealthy in males even if it is often considered advantageous in females due to associated machiavellianism.
Psychopathy is also just one empathy deficit disorder, and the others are all considered extraordinarily negative, beyond the comparatively healthy psychopaths. Autism for instance is a more extreme empathy deficiency disorder than psychopathy (brain scans have confirmed, every normalfaggot redditor is wrong about empathy's role in morality and social development).
Further, psychopathy is just one of the aggression-promoting disorders and the others such as ODD and IED have no reputation for any positive outcomes at all, the first because it makes employment unusually difficult compared with the reputation-defending psychopath and the latter because it is necessarily unpredictable and uncontrollable as part of its diagnostic criteria.
It is entirely possible and likely that the reason all of these solely-demeriting disorders continue to exist is just because the occasional alignment of the stars that produces a psychopath is Just That Good, even if the hybridization of the genetically superior psychopathic male with a genetically inferior non-psychopathic mother litters the earth with scores of subhuman bastards for every one golden psychopath.
No.300467
>>300419Weird then how practically all of the violent homicide/murder people and gang members
are family men then, and never 30 year old virgins and wizards.
Many of them even get love letters in prison, like Anders Breivik who killed 77 people and has 16-20 year old succubi send him marriage proposals & attempt to be put on his conjugal visit list.
https://www.straitstimes.com/world/europe/norways-mass-murderer-anders-behring-breivik-gets-hundreds-of-love-letters-a-yearhttps://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3204525/Swedish-succubus-reveals-love-dearest-Anders-Breivik-written-150-letters-mass-murderer-wouldn-t-want-without.html No.300472
>>300461It's a high risk, high reward lifestyle. For every Beria or Saddam Hussein there's hundreds of others that tried the same shit and got executed. And as I said before, it does vary in populations, and it's the more "savage" parts of the world that have it as a common thing. The reason you see cartel videos of hispanics chainsawing people to death is the same reason Aztecs were so brutal with their human sacrifices.
Even without what you're saying about partial gene expression, in the past the number of psychopaths could never pass a certain threshold because humans compete as tribes and nations. Having too many of them means internal division and getting absolutely steamrolled in a war as the tribe falls to internal squabbling. Again, the high rate of psychopathy is a big reason African nations struggle to build functioning institutions. Large corporations actually screen for them because they can be so internally damaging in the wrong position. Even in the savage parts of the world they were only like 8-12% of the population. It's like 2% in settled old world societies.
They're useful in small amounts, and can get by in small amounts as the aggression they commit can be directed outward at other groups. Because it's internally adaptive they will never entirely disappear, and they have their own niche. It can be thought of in a sense as a parasitic disorder, which is why they're so prone to living parasitic lifestyles.
What is making them more common now is a combination of irresponsibility no longer being punished with death, the welfare state allowing them to just have their kids looked after by the government, being able to relocate immediately after everyone knows what they are, and anti-social interpersonal behavior being tolerated by society to a degree never tolerated before. You used to have to be high status to exhibit anti-social behavior and arrogance, it's why succubi are drawn to it. Now your average druggie fuckwit can abuse workers at a retail shop in front of everyone, and nothing happens to him.
I do believe in a globalized world with a welfare state, psychopathy is strongly adaptive, because there is no "out group" in a sense, so they're free to be internally predatory. But their proliferation is a form of dysgenics and will inevitably collapse that system.
No.300476
>>300467>Weird then how practically all of the violent homicide/murder people and gang members are….Are inbred shitskins who happened to impregnate a living washcloth
>and never 30 year old virgins and wizards.You think men who chose for one reason or another to not have sex by the time they're 30… Are psychopaths?
>Anders Breivik who killed 77 people Breivik killed 77 liberal douchebag retard children. I'd send him a thank-you letter myself if I could afford a $7.50 intercontinental stamp. Him receiving love letters from succubi is testament only to the fact that psychopath succubi exist.
>Globalist MSM linksDiscuss with your words, not with the results that Google put on your homepage/
No.300483
I just talked with my mom and we had the same argument as ever. I'm not sure if it's me who is stupid, or her or both.
Basically, I struggled with a lot of problems since I was at least eight: I had weight problems, speech impediment, spine problems (that at one point made me immobile btw), my school teachers always told her I need to go to a child psychiatrist, etc…
Now she says it wasn't her business dealing with this shit and I should've done something myself, or I didn't want to do anything. And that it's my responsibility now to pull myself out.
Yeah, well, what about, you know, raising your children?
Well, she is right it's my responsibility now, but she is adamant that she was a great and responsible mom, but I talk with succubus colleagues at my job and let me tell you, they are more involved with their children.
I really don't know how you can be a normal responsible adult when nobody taught you to.
No.300484
>>300483Don't bother trying to put the blame on your mom. succubi intuitively avoid responsibility and will never ever admit to anything that would put them in a bad light. She will keep deflecting the blame on the different times, on being too busy with work, on you, on the environment, on everything but herself. Best to just accept the losses, and make the best of what you've got. I know it's easy for me to say, and that you want some justice, but it's just not going to happen. Try not to think of moving on as of letting your mom win this argument. You'd be doing this for yourself, not for your mom.
No.300488
>>300483Well you have a job and can even talk to succubi there, so you are a responsible adult and you should move out. Seems like your mom did everything correct.
No.300490
>>300483what helps me is to realize that everyone is a child, ultimately on their own before god.
this includes parents.
some children who happen to be mothers, really like to play house. it's a role they assigned to themselves for play and engagement.
others do not like to play house.
in both cases, their children too, will be parentless children before god.
this is very scary, but also very freeing.
makes me feel like i am not supervised, free to do as i please, until i get bonked on the head of course.
No.300499
>>300476>Breivik killed 77 liberal douchebag retard childrenSo if someone commits an "anti-social" act that is in accordance with your values then he isn't a psychopath? But if you don't share the same values then he becomes a psychopath? Thanks for confirming that this whole psychopath thing is just a meme. This is how society thinks too, btw. It's all right to fry criminals in the electric chair or to inject them with poison because the sacred cow, the state does it. But if a random guy goes around murdering people then it's the most horrible thing ever and he's a "psychopath" supposedly…
No.300515
The way people behave on the internet proves that the true nature of humans is antagonistic and self-serving. People are only kind in real life to avoid consequences and obtain a benefit. When they can get away with anything, they seek to hurt other people.
No.300516
>>300515If someone yelled at you as you were about to put your hand on a hot stove would that be unkind? Many people using this place would be offended and do it anyways, then cry about the burn for years.
An observation I have realized is that many individuals do not realize how unkind they are. Begging for pity, being lazy, constantly dragging others down, that is truly unkind. Someone will complain you are mean to them then spam the board with posts about jews for weeks.
No.300517
>>300516Are you really sure that you're yelling at people because of a justified reason and that you don't just concoct the reason as rationalization for your aggression? It happens plenty in real life. People bully someone weak and vulnerable and then persuade people that hurting their victim is actually a moral good. "He's a bad person so he deserves it. It builds character. It is necessary for some future good. He hurt me before too. " is what they say as their brain releases pleasure chemicals from holding absolute power over someone. Perhaps they're correct but it still holds that they're primarily motivated by personal pleasure over common good. I am guilty of this online too so I am probably projecting but I don't think I am wrong at least in regard to large public forums with anonymity.
No.300518
>>300517>Are you really sure that you're yelling at people because of a justified reason and that you don't just concoct the reason as rationalization for your aggressionYes.
No.300522
I released in my dreams, dammit. Aged Blonde Succubus basically said worship me and i came. Motherfucker. I always could eject them in my dreams but this "entity" had an enormous aura, something like Venus or the Crone (triplegoddess). She was old as fuck, sagged body. Tons of men were worshipping her in a ruined temple and weakass me joined in. I hate breaking my streak, you feel the divine leave you and ruined bedsheets, dammit.
No.300524
>>300522wizzie lost a magic battle and got raped
No.300525
>>300524Yeah it sounds funny but i did feel violated when i woke up.
No.300526
>>300516>omeone will complain you are mean to them then spam the board with posts about jews for weeks.???
am I missing these posts, or are you delusional?
No.300527
>>300525Don't they teach that nocturnal ejaculation is not breaking a streak?
No.300542
I think I'm changing from a warlock to a mage.
No.300545
>>300527Kinda yeah but you do feel the effects for a couple days. Already feeling better and continuing.
No.300553
Update
>>300244I got caught using a smartwatch with photos of lecture notes in it while attempting the examination. They called my parents and informed them. I am going home to talk to my parents. They are going to add 'academic dishonesty' to my files.
Fuck them. Bitch ass pajeets who don't teach entire semester and expect me to complete the syllabus in 3 days fuck them. I hope they get the most painful and sickest death on this planet.
And the professor who caught me, holy shit, he was so fucking happy as if he's getting paid to catch people. Fucker could've just ignored but no. "Oh gee I gotta follow the rules. Cheating is bad. How dare you cheat in an exam where most people rote learn a day before and forget everything the next day and whatever "knowledge" you gain from it is never used in real life."
It was a retarded history exam on the history of Rajasthan in a CS course. Fuck them all man. I know the history I needed to know.
What makes it so much was the humiliation with everyone in their lecture halls staring at me. succubi laughing. And guys looking as if I have tossed some motherfucker's baby into chilli oil.
And the worst part about it. I am physically less powerful, I am short and skinny and have no power over someone in a physical fight. That pajeet professor was a typical fatty-ish who would've tragically won in a physical fight.
I don't wish for a job or money anymore. I just wish that God made me a 6'4 Nigger so that I could just punch the people dead. I swear to god I would've beaten that professor's ass had I been physically imposing. But ofcourse the gods had to fuck me in the ass while writing my genetics.
What a shitty day. Fuck them professors, I seriously wish great injury and great harm on him and his entire family. And hopefully one day he and his worthless family will get gangraped by dalit slum dwellers wielding an heated titanium reinforced bar.
I hate myself so much all I can do is seethe on an imageboard. I wish I was powerful irl. I would be beating people left and right and that would've been so much fun.
No.300561
>>300554People always pull advices out of their ass. I am guilty of this sometimes too when I give wizards here advices that I never follow myself. It's common even among normalfags which is where the saying "Do as I say not as I do" comes from because most advice givers are hypocrites who don't follow their own suggestions and are only describing what they think an idealized human being with no flaws would do.
No.300563
>>300295I'm tired of people making grandiose claims whilst failing to provide a shred of evidence to support them and acting like their ideas are common sense. I'm not him, but what do you mean by "realize"? Yes, death may potentially not be the end but without evidence why should I accept that as a fact as you seem to imply? The argument that suicide may lead to some kind of worse existence elsewhere is valid so long as it is presented as a hypothetical possibility rather than a fact.
No.300564
>>300563First of all, what evidence is there for eternal nothingness after death? What is the reasoning behind it?
If the argument is that your consciousness popped into existence out of nothingness, and it will vanish back into nothingness, doesn't that break the law of conservation of mass-energy? Nothing is ever lost, things can only change form, so it's natural to think the same will happen to your point of view. And if your point of view is neither mass nor energy, then what is it? A soul? Wouldn't this immaterial nature of your point of view, or the breaking of the law of conservation, imply the existence of a higher entity which could surpass the laws of this universe?
That's why atheism and the belief in eternal nothingness seem contradictory to me.
Both eternal nothingness and reincarnation are just guesses. But it makes more sense that life is a cycle of assembly, development and decomposure. There is no death, you only lose senses until your point of view finds itself in a new body. Which, for all you know, could be the body of a mouse whose fate is to be played with and chewed up by a cat.
No.300565
Dad died on friday. Now I'm completely alone. Went straight from the tutorial to endgame. Wonder how long I'll last.
No.300566
>>300565Sorry for your loss. Was it sudden?
No.300567
I wish I gave a shit about something. So many people are depressed because they lack something they want, but I don't want anything.
No.300568
>>300566Thank you. Yes, I went downstairs and found him in his bed. Called 911 but it was too late.
No.300572
>>300568Damn that's traumatic, i understand where you coming from. It would be straw that broke the camel's back. I hope you find healing anon or strength to get through it. Take care.
No.300576
>>300565you are part of this world, not alone.
No.300579
>>300564Consciousness is a process, not a physical object or a form of energy. Saying that consciousness must be conserved because of the law of conservation is like saying wiping a hard drive is a violation of the laws of physics. This is a complete non sequitur from a scientific standpoint. The physical atoms in the human body will indeed be conserved and all the carbon (and other elements and molecules) will take other forms eventually as the body decays after death, but consciousness does not have mass and is not a form of actual energy (i.e. it cannot be measured in Joules) as per our current understanding of it. I grant that there is no concrete evidence that there is no life after death, but that does not make the opposite true. I think the possibility of life after death is an interesting idea, but there is no objective evidence to suggest that it is more likely than the alternative. To be clear here my point of view is that of an agnostic when it comes to this matter and I think that this is the only logical point of view in the absence of proper evidence. Neither possibility should be used to frighten people or influence one's decisions due to the absence of objective evidence favoring one over the other.
No.300581
>>300553Tough luck. I never went to college cause I hated teachers with a passion and I hate all forms of authority over me. If I ever went to college, I am sure I'd fail. Professors are even worse than teachers from what I have heard. They are practically academic terrorists.
Literally dealing with these fuckheads is the literal definition of the word terror. What did your parents say?
No.300584
>>300553you were cheating. are you a pajeet yourself? It's deranged how you try to twist it and blame the people who simply caught you for directly, blatantly breaking the rules with a fucking smartwatch in an exam. You got what you deserved
No.300594
>>300581They were disappointed in me as always. Whenever they see a minutiae of hope in me shit like this happens.
>>300584It is slightly more complicated than you're making it out to be. But I get why you would see it this way.
No.300595
>>300584You talk as if most people have never cheated once in their lives. And uni exams are designed this way explicitly to get you to shell more money in the form of college tuition and reappearance fees. What was the purpose of adding a history course in a CS major anyways? People will continue trying to cheat apparently because learning doesn't matter only grades do. I have personally cheated in my BS in CS too a lot and it hasn't caused me any problems in my job or somehow made me more incompetent than my colleagues.
>>300553Yeah it is humiliating but don't worry most people will forget that in a few days. Consider joining a gym and taking martial arts classes so that you can beat up these retards. Although in an fairness you did better by not beating him and getting a criminal record on top of it.
No.300602
>>300595Yeah, but it would be nice to know that I could physically beat his bitch ass, fucking retarded son of a bitch.
>>300581You're absolutely right they are indeed legalised terrorists, they intentionally delay the syllabus, and then teach it all at once at the very last moment, and expect me to pass, only for me to pay the semester payment again. It's a money making scheme is what it is, cause they know people need degrees so they milk them as much as they can, I really wish I was physically built or had like 6-8 friends like me who would just go around beating these shitheads and their bitch ass families. Fuck them. I hope that guy gets the worst disease known to humankind and get tortured as much as possible. I wish there weren't CCTV cameras around, I would have rammed that faggot with my SUV or even better have his throat tied to the back of my car and take him for a drive on the expressway.
No.300613
I wish I had the words to describe the despair, apathy and fatigue that I feel. Close to mid 30s. No job, no degree, but that's becoming more normal these days so what really hurts me is the no friends and no hobbies since I was 15 part. I've just been drifting since then, I'm almost the same exact person. Sleep >12hrs a day and I'm tired as soon as I try doing anything whether it be studying or even watching a movie.
What is the point of living like this? Why have I been denied since birth the wide support network the vast majority took for granted? If identity and perception of reality are at least partly reliant on external factors, "friends and community" in other words, what even is a man who has no record of existing in anyones lives, other than as "anon" on fleeting imageboards?
Life just feels quieter nowadays and even normalfags bring this up all the time. I wish I could know why, if it's some side effects of the general "toxicity" of modern lifestyle that has direct and measurable consequences on the health of people ie. rise in cancer, obesity, autoimmunity, learning disorders, mental disorders, etc. Or if it's related to the end of the "big bang of the internet" meaning that everyone saw what they needed to see and moved on. But where are they then? idk, I just know isolation sometimes drives me insane like right now trying to fall asleep without anything realistic to spend my time on to improve my circumstances. It's just too late I guess, too late to make money in a world where you need money to make money. Too late to make friends in a world where you need friends and good mental health to make friends. Too late to dive into escapism in a world where you are prize-filtered by everything and outskilled by those with decades prior of experience, all that's left being old games and media that nobody cares about anymore and nostalgia that feels like a double-edged sword, trading immediate relief for further sinking your feet in the sands of isolation, something that you witnessed first hand happening to your parents and relatives.
So what else can you do? idk. This is horrible.
No.300615
Forgot something else I wanted to complain about: it's unfuckingreal the amount of normalniggers that enable and celebrate "influencer culture", we live in a society where true and massive narcissists thrive off making dumb fucking "vlogs" about the most inane shit racking in literal millions in ad-revenue and view, the same motherfucking pieces of shit indirectly endorsing closed-source anti-user software, just to add insult to injury.
Really? This is the fucking world we live in? unbelievable. And no you cannot "just don't watch em bro" because social medias and basically the whole internet by now algorithms work by pushing these shitheads in your face, if you want to avoid them you'll have to work through a lot of "dislike" and "do not recommed", now, the problem in that comes from at least YT taking the opportunity to ban you for using adblockers in some sick cat and mouse game. I suspect a large percent of people have become captive audiences of this cancer that is streamers/vloggers/vtubers.
>>300614Used to drink semi regularly and smoke tobacco for most of my life. Health took a nosedive in recent years and I do not think my body could take it, can barely tolerate coffee as it is.
But yeah…. this is another possible path people take, another explanation for why everything is so much quieter today. I don't think most come back from that though, alcohol is fucking brutal and incredibly dumb and miserable, if I could I'd be doing opiates if I could just going off what others say about them..
No.300616
>>300615>because social medias and basically the whole internet by now algorithms work by pushing these shitheads in your face, if you want to avoid them you'll have to work through a lot of "dislike" and "do not recommed"I have no idea what you're talking about
but that may be because I don't visit social media, except imageboards
I stopped going on youtube to see what's new a few years ago, only use it to search for specific videos
maybe that's a solution? stop visiting slop sites and find something that actually interests you, instead of being spoon fed slop
I know you have subscriptions and stuff, but you can use bookmarks instead, and check if there's anything new when you feel like it, not out of habit
>Used to drink semi regularly and smoke tobacco for most of my lifenot all drugs are as terrible for your health as alcohol and tobacco
actually these two are some of the worst substances out there, wonder why they happen to be the legal ones in most places…
weed and mushrooms are the way to go
No.300617
>>300614He's probably not a teenage succubus so drugs aren't going to be the answer to any problem he could possibly have
>>300616>weed [is] the way to goYeah if you want to induce permanent psychosis, neuroticism, and lethargy
No.300618
>>300617>drugs aren't going to be the answer to any problem he could possibly haveno but they can help reach those answers by giving new ways of thinking, a new perspective
especially mushrooms
>permanent psychosis, neuroticism, and lethargyis this what is looks like from the outside, to have realized how bullshit life is, and that the rat race is not worth it?
No.300619
>>300618>no but they can help reach those answers by giving new ways of thinking, a new perspectiveSo can going out for a walk, visiting some place new, reading, or watching an anime. Drugs aren't "mind expanders". They may intoxicate someone to the point that he begins to find simple concepts euphorically fascinating, but that's it. They also have a good chance of elevating preexisting woes such as fear and paranoia.
>is this what is looks like from the outside, to have realized how bullshit life is, and that the rat race is not worth it?There are infinite pathways that lead to such dark and damp conclusions. The effects of marijuana will only serve to lock you so deep in to that dungeon that even enjoying the drugs themselves will become a challenge.
No.300620
>>300616>maybe that's a solution? stop visiting slop sites and find something that actually interests you, instead of being spoon fed slopYou're right but if only it were that easy. There's a few books I'd like to read, and skills I'd like to learn like programming and drawing. But as things are right now I barely have the mental stamina to make posts and follow conversations.
>I know you have subscriptions and stuff, but you can use bookmarks instead, and check if there's anything new when you feel like it, not out of habitI use it for music mostly, I have to be always logged out to use ublock without getting banned account warnings. Other sites straight up force you to register to use basic functions like search and since google has become useless as well, there is no choice here.
>not all drugs are as terrible for your health as alcohol and tobaccoactually these two are some of the worst substances out there, wonder why they happen to be the legal ones in most places…
weed and mushrooms are the way to go
Oh I know how bad they are, just didn't expect to feel the consequences or even be forced to cut down usage until my 40s. Weed is interesting in that it has such wild different effects on people, I know it has potent immunomodulatory effects thanks to CBD, it's THC that makes some people psychotic. I wouldn't know what to expect but judging by how I had heightened anxiety from coffee alone I think I'd react pretty badly to weed.
>shroomsThese are good, too. I'm just too lazy to find good sources. I think that the mixed reactions people get from them depend on both physical and psychological factors. My worldview is pretty pessimistic, spiteful and limited to benefit from shrooms, if anything they'd probably make me more suicidal. Physically, if shrooms are said to "enhance" existing connections, what happens if your body is lacking in biochemistry needed for this process? I believe (source: my ass) that this is what goes wrong with people who have longlasting negative trips. It's like destroying a road with the intention of building a better one, only to realize you have no raw materials for it.
There's a ton of things to learn about neurochemistry and metabolism, I never knew for example how important DHA is for brain function. I didn't know cholesterol is so important for the brain too, and that there is a link between low cholesterol and depression, I DO in fact have very low cholesterol..
>>300617>>300618>new ways of thinkingWhile this is true, it doesn't help much when your situation is objectively bad to begin with. I did take walks, tried watching new anime. But in general found the lacking. Yeah they're fun, but a lot of anime feels like recycled garbage and I'm not that big of a weeb anyway. Taking shrooms doesn't undo a lifetime of isolation and abandonment either, doesn't give you new friends and I doubt it helps with energy levels. Even MDMA who I've read experiences from fellow wizards and outcasts alike, kind of lets you down when you have no one around to share that empathy and love with. That's probably why I tried emphasizing how quiet, lonely and dull today is.
It feels like one really is a slave to his genetics, if you had family members who kept a zest for life into old age despite adversity, shrooms may be the little push you need. My family fucking sucks tho
No.300621
>>300620>google has become uselesscheck out 4get.ca
it lets you use google among other search engines, but without their tracking and with easier captcha instead of the never ending cloudflare "select squares with pajeets"
No.300623
>forced myself to do a short workout
>finally happy i got that out of the way so i can doomscroll and edge to porn with less guilt
I really have no hope for the future do I? I just tell myself I have to improve myself because my NEETdom is not sustainable but in the end I have nothing I want to do besides wasting time on my computer. Even if I get a good work ethic to do anything I don't know if there's anything to work towards.
No.300627
seeing my parents waste a shiton of cash off their savings on a bunch of useless shit is depressing when i am a total loser with no money or education or skills.
No.300628
>>300623i am convinced the only form of "motivation" that can work is the negative one, basically don't study hard or work to improove or learn skills because you want le good things, but rather do it out of fear of bad things, poverty/homelessness and etc.
No.300630
>>300629
Good luck finding something you enjoy that you can also make money of.
No.300632
>>300630What do you enjoy about Coding?
I tried it in 2014 and it was a torture for me.
No.300634
>>300627Same, a lot of car manufacturers prices never normalized from covid era and some chip shortages. Who even needs a compact 4 cylinder SUV valued at $65,000? It's already hard to justify a truck
dont get me started on 8k "smart" tvs for people who are almost blind and tech illiterare
No.300639
>>300613I feel you. This might be a hot take around here, but I think when a human is cut off from other people they basically stagnate and die. If you can't feel any belonging or intimacy, have no friends, no peers, can't express yourself to anyone or be vulnerable, you lose yourself, and doing any sort of generalized productive thing like working or studying becomes pointless busywork.
This doesn't mean it's impossible for a hikkiwiz outcast to learn a skill or improve his situation, no, but I'd say that's the exception, not the norm. If you have no context to place yourself then what's the point really? I've tried to learn skills but I'll always hit a wall where the thing just feels totally pointless. The toil far outweighs any pleasure I might get. This might be because I'm not being paid, or because I'm simply lazy, but I don't think so.
I remember someone here talking about these Japanese drawing clubs or whatever where all the students are learning but also competing together, and that would provide an actual context for learning to become an epic mangakaman — if you fit in, you'd make friends and have people to share that hobby with, and you'd want to one-up them and get better in a positive way. You might then discuss career plans with peers and be influenced by others into pursuing a certain field or working with them on a project. If you were instead cooped up in a dingy room by yourself, probably wouldn't work out so well.
You could probably apply this to anything. When I became a complete social outcast mute in school right before the crucial transitional period of exams and college, I was so checked out I didn't care, I failed and then wasted two years in a pointless degree and existed as a ghost totally on the periphery — walking to class everyday seeing all these otherworldly happy young people while I walked around with a hood on and earbuds, never speaking, never making a friend. It was like looking at aliens, I guess that's why it's called being alienated.
Becoming a NEET loser with no skills was only a logical consequence of not being a human for the majority of my adolescent and adult life. This is so basic it's infuriating to me when people talk about the "phenomenon" of hikki's or something as if it's so complex. Actually no it's not, 9 times out of 10 it's because some guy got bullied at school and experienced extremely visceral social rejection and so logically dropped out. Or it's some older former wageslave guy who was treated like shit with contempt and disrespect at his job (eg not being treated like an actual person) so got depressed and dropped out and starved himself to death. It's not rocket science. I'm sure some of you might disagree and say ultimately it's my fault and I'm just lazy. Again, that might be true, but recently I accidentally found myself on a course with a few similar aged people and getting along with peers (which is something I haven't done since I was about 13, I'm 28 now) has made me feel a lot better. If I had this sort of thing back when I was in school, my whole life probably would've changed. And at this late age though it's extremely bittersweet knowing this is what your typical person gets as a teen pretty much without trying, who then starts life with the core fundamental knowledge they're treated and valued as an actual human, which I think all people (except for legitimate schizoids - probably not you or me) need.
No.300640
>>300639Also by "accidentally found myself" I mean I'm lucky because there's a charity near me that helps unemployed and isolated people with courses and things like that, so I have no actual advice, it was just pure chance.
No.300642
>>300639>If you can't feel any belonging or intimacy, have no friends, no peers, can't express yourself to anyone or be vulnerable, you lose yourself, and doing any sort of generalized productive thing like working or studying becomes pointless busywork. as a schizoid this is inevitable it seems
No.300667
>>300613>>300639Friends are fucking overrated by people. Who cares about his friends genuinely? No one. People just use each other for as long as they are convenient and then ghost each other. That's friendship for you. What you want is something you saw in anime or other escapism and it doesn't exist in real life. Same is true when crabs cry about how they missed out on "true love", that too is just idealized bullshit. Some people here just can't understand what reality is like.
There is no love, no friendship, no loyalty, no acceptance anywhere. Nobody cares about you and you are alone all your life. You can do as norms do and surround yourself with people to feel like you belong somewhere but that's just a fake, pretentious thing. People only give a shit about you if you cause them some sort of pleasure in some way. Once you stop giving them dopamine rushes they throw you out with the trash.
So really, who needs such a fake life? Better to suffer alone than to suffer with these snakes around you. Just get a fucking hobby or find something to occupy yourself with until you die.
No.300679
3am and it's fucking freezing, there's no insulation here in Australia and my room has 4 windows right next to my bed and miniscule holes in certain places in my wooden floor. It feels fucking boiling in the summer and it's freezing in the winter anyway. I'd still prefer this freezing weather over the disgusting heat in the summer, nothing worse than sweating all day and night with bugs everywhere.
>>300639Human relationships are a meme, at least these days. I'm torn between romanticizing the past like Ted .K. and thinking this is the "golden age". It seems like people in the past lived extremely simple lives like prisoners while people now live like CEOs
No.300683
>>300682This is exactly what I was thinking. I pray my life ends soon.
No.300694
I had cancer 6 years ago. Went through chemotherapy + radiation. My brain never recovered from the treatment. My mind feels blank most of the time, terrible memory, fatigue from any sort of mentally demanding work. I also have little control over my emotions now when before the treatment I had great self-control.
who's going to help me? no one. because nobody gives a fuck. you're on your own. every other day I beg for the cancer back so I can be done with this pile of shit life.
No.300695
>>300694there is a part in you that still wants help. otherwise, your ego would not have asked "who's going to help me?".
>so i can be done with this pile of shit lifeLEAVE then, ego-kun.
yield your grips from wizzie, and attain what you wish for - sweet release through ego-death, so that wizzie can cry.
letting go of the eternally unfulfilled ego, is akin to letting go of someone who has grown dependent on us, yet is abusive towards us.
and we cannot afford to carry something like that with ourselves, in a world where we are on our own.
drop the extra weight.
stop trying to control your emotions, let them in and relax into them.
recognize thoughts of worldly cravings before they lead to action - the ego is trying to keep you occupied, so that you do not fall into silence.
silence is where the dam would break.
ego exists because we have bottled up emotions and pain.
at the same time, ego can only continue existing by keeping the emotions and the pain bottled up.
let's recognize the "mother burdened by her dependent son" in OURSELVES - us being the wiz mom, and our ego being the dependent child that drags us down.
only THEN will we truly be on our own, yet weightless, and somehow everyone else is with us.
No.300696
>>300695i admit your post was more entertaining than the standard nonsense i get when i complain.
No.300737
I'm fucking sick of having shit teeth.
No.300738
>>300695>there is a part in you that still wants help. otherwise, your ego would not have asked "who's going to help me?".i want a billion dollars too, who wouldnt. doesnt mean anything
No.300739
There's rarely a post even here that I can relate to. I'm broken in a way that has almost zero connections to other people's problems. It feels very bleak. In a way I can't take myself serious because of it. I might just be a generally bad person.
No.300746
>>300739ARE you a generally bad person?
ARE you broken?
are your problems with you in your room right now?
are they not?
if your problems make you feel too alien, then abandon the you that has problems.
enter the you that is sitting on a chair right now. i am doing the same thing. we are basically twins in that way.
No.300751
>>300739Why do you have to relate to anyone? Stop forcing yourself. It's enough to just communicate and give or receive attention. Relating to others is gay.
>>300747>Jung recently and said many people avoid life's difficulties are basically "cheating" and become neurotic. It's better to accept the suffering and learn from the pain. It's the better path instead being in your room running away from jobs,people…That's some bullshit. Don't take anyone seriously who preaches acceptance of difficulties, suffering, etc. Most of these thinkers lived a very easy middle or upper class life so they don't have anything to back up their retarded claims. People who experience constants suffering, struggle and discomfort know that there is zero value in enduring this shit.
No.300759
man I'm just tired of society & all the constant bullshit that comes with it. I can't wait to be dead finally
No.300783
>>300750I looked up the laws and they are quite ridiculous, surprised that Aussies are woke though given their reputation. But yeah I guess if you're white there and somewhat of a normie you will say least not have severe financial problems. Although the nature is definitely scary, I rather stay in the third world then deal with the spiders though.
No.300785
>>300783>>300783>yeah I guess if you're white there and somewhat of a normie you will say least not have severe financial problemsnice joke anon
No.300792
>>300785It surely has to be better than the third world though. But I have never been to Australia so I admit I do not know.
No.300794
>>300792It's the most unaffordable housing in the world second only to Hong Kong. Even with a full time job you cant afford to live alone
No.300795
Ever since I've started writing down my feelings and similar experiences I've come to a realization that might be the same to many people out there, and even here on wizchan. I spent a long time just feeling inadequate in some way, some would call it having a type of idea in your head about being different from other people or something similar, or maybe wanting attention from others. Ever since I wrote down the things I felt, I look back on it now and see some type of attention seeking behavior, though that was not the intention behind any of the things I set out to do.
Just the fact that I felt the necessity to write things down, it would imply that eventually I would show it to someone, even though I never did. I reflected on the reasons as to why I did the things that I ended up doing, and despite there not being a single motive that would define everything I said or did for a long time, I really think that if I were to go back in time and tell me something truthful that would have been a blow to me, or maybe not even truthful, rather, some type of realization that would have made me stop being the way that I was for a long time, it would definitely be something along the lines of saying to my younger self that the reason as to why I felt the way that I did, the reason why I talked about the subjects I wanted to, the effort I put into improving myself somehow, all were rooted in some belief that I might have been different or special in some way.
(pt 1)
No.300796
>>300795During that point in time, if someone had just stopped and told me to my face that everything I was doing was merely out of the fact that I might just have been completely ordinary in every single way, and not just that, but had no redeeming qualities whatsoever, it would probably have put me on track towards living a life that could be considered way better than the life I ended up having today. The main reason as to why I ended up living a life I ended up living, was probably due to the fact that I was convinced that I might have been different, probably a feeling many wizards have also felt throughout their lives. And that is not to say that it might be false in every single case, it just is not a good mentality to live with, as I've come to realize. Maybe the reason as to why we feel compelled to act as if we're so different from other people, might be due to the lack of any actual abilities to accomplish things, and that we're just completely ordinary people in most ways. Wizzies, it wouldn't have mattered if we were different, weird, or whatever else most wizards complain about, if we just had the ability to do something with our lives, achieve something, whatever that might be, it wouldn't even have mattered, as we might have been considered successful regardless.
(pt 2)
No.300797
>>300795>>300796Ever since I've started writing down my feelings and similar experiences I've come to a realization that might be the same to many people out there, and even here on wizchan. I spent a long time just feeling inadequate in some way, some would call it having a type of idea in your head about being different from other people or something similar, or maybe wanting attention from others. Ever since I wrote down the things I felt, I look back on it now and see some type of attention seeking behavior, though that was not the intention behind any of the things I set out to do.
Just the fact that I felt the necessity to write things down, it would imply that eventually I would show it to someone, even though I never did. I reflected on the reasons as to why I did the things that I ended up doing, and despite there not being a single motive that would define everything I said or did for a long time, I really think that if I were to go back in time and tell me something truthful that would have been a blow to me, or maybe not even truthful, rather, some type of realization that would have made me stop being the way that I was for a long time, it would definitely be something along the lines of saying to my younger self that the reason as to why I felt the way that I did, the reason why I talked about the subjects I wanted to, the effort I put into improving myself somehow, all were rooted in some belief that I might have been different or special in some way.
During that point in time, if someone had just stopped and told me to my face that everything I was doing was merely out of the fact that I might just have been completely ordinary in every single way, and not just that, but had no redeeming qualities whatsoever, it would probably have put me on track towards living a life that could be considered way better than the life I ended up having today. The main reason as to why I ended up living a life I ended up living, was probably due to the fact that I was convinced that I might have been different, probably a feeling many wizards have also felt throughout their lives. And that is not to say that it might be false in every single case, it just is not a good mentality to live with, as I've come to realize. Maybe the reason as to why we feel compelled to act as if we're so different from other people, might be due to the lack of any actual abilities to accomplish things, and that we're just completely ordinary people in most ways. Wizzies, it wouldn't have mattered if we were different, weird, or whatever else most wizards complain about, if we just had the ability to do something with our lives, achieve something, whatever that might be, it wouldn't even have mattered, as we might have been considered successful regardless.
This applies to me, specifically, that I might have been just trying to cope with not having redeeming qualities, but I really feel like it could apply to other wizards out there as well. The point I'm trying to make, I guess, is that; anyone can manage success and a good life no matter how weird they might be, or out of the ordinary. Being different or what would be considered
weird does not hinder anyone from achieving anything, what does keep someone from achieving something is a lack of any worthwhile attributes or talents. Which is my case specifically. What wizards need to realize is that they might just be closer to what is considered to be normal than you would think, normal people also have the same issue, except they might be more outgoing than most wizards. What are you supposed to gather from this? I'm not completely sure, I have come to realize, though, that to me, these words were somewhat powerful and they do a good job at explaining a good portion of my life. By sharing, I hope maybe some wizards might identify and get something out of a case that might be similar to theirs.
(pt 3)
No.300798
>>300797>>300796>>300795Well said, wizzie. I'd like to ask your advice on how you managed to come to that conclusion. Are you journaling? I'd like to try that too, and I wonder if you have any advice on how to write like you do to uncover something about yourself.
No.300799
>>300797>>300798Sorry for double-posting, wizchan said it was an automated text for some reason so I had to cut it up into three parts but I ended up pasting it all together in the last post.
>Are you journaling?I am and have been for a couple of years now, there was a time where I really wanted to write stuff down as I didn't have many friends or other people to talk to, so I found that writing stuff down for myself to reflect on it later was a good idea, so that's what I ended up doing.
>I'd like to try that too, and I wonder if you have any advice on how to write like you do to uncover something about yourself.I've been writing stuff down for some time and I don't really know what kind of advice you'd want, I just think that if you have a desire to write stuff down then it shouldn't be an issue, I guess. I have some issues in life and there's just stuff that I don't want to talk to anyone about so I found that writing was a good way to maybe try and understand things I couldn't understand very well. Also, English is not my first language, so writing things down was also a type of exercise I did on my own to improve my writing. Nowadays I don't write as much as I used to, and I talk to AI about a bunch of personal stuff which is a very good way to try and solve some problems on your own without having to rely on people to do it. I have found that writing things down on my own, and then talking to AI about some of the same subjects, which is what happened to me prior to writing all of that down and coming to the conclusion I came to, was very helpful. I don't know what kind of advice to give when it comes to writing, I did it almost out of necessity instead of anything else.
No.300829
When does the world end?
No.300838
>>300830I was excited about the aliens.
But in turns out ETs travel billions of light years just to hang out over New Jersey doing nothing of significance.
No.300851
>>300836:(, The ride never ends eh?
>>300838Yeah what a disappointment. I just want a revelation about reality, something….anything. But we get shit on everyday. Maybe i should try shrooms but i'm afraid some 6th dimension demon gonna fuck me up.
No.300863
Even self-improving is depressing. Like a good life is supposed to be one where you're constantly working, watching your emotions and lust, maintaining discipline, obtaining skills, power and wealth. Is there no simpler happiness in the world? Like playing with pure-hearted friends in a world out of children story books? Winnie the pooh? Peter Rabbit? Is our future just The 48 Laws of Power and Here's 10 Things You're Not Doing to Grow Your Business? I guess I just never grew up. I am a manchild in a man's world.
No.300872
>>300863Self-improving only means anything if you really want to improve by your own standards. A good life is different for everyone. What is your goal? Instead of listening to some meme or influencer just set goals for yourself. Like what's the use of forcing yourself to work if you don't want to work and can afford to be neet? Then just enjoy the NEET life, who cares? Same with everything. A good life is a life you enjoy.
No.300875
>>300863There's actually lots of men out there working average jobs with people they love working with, who have pretty wives. I've been around them and seen them. One was a really short Maori guy who had a blonde white wife and kids, and just had a magnetic personality.
Life's actually similar to sports, the teams and players that have the most fun tend to win. Most highly successful business people don't force themselves to really grindmaxx, they just have an addiction to the grind. If you're forcing it you've already lost, there's people that are naturally addicted to obtaining power. It's better to just structure shit in a way that you have fun.
There is nothing in this world that makes normalfags seethe more than someone earning significantly less than them living a happier life.
No.300879
>>300851>I just want a revelation about reality, something….anything.I got you bro, I have no proof to offer but I know shit. Reality is basically like CHIM in Elder Scrolls i.e. God's dream and also follows Dungeons and Dragons rules where your afterlife is determined by your beliefs and your allignment, how I know this? I'm basically fragment of some ancient Egyptian God that was worshipped and was greeted by a cat succubus goddess in the afterlife, being there for even a second was intoxicating, it matches descriptions of Arborea somewhat, most agonizing experience of my life was being sent back in to my body because I wasn't done here. Aliens are real, higher dimensions are real, some are like demons from Christianity and angels, things from other religions exist, if people believe a thing enough they will manifest it so probably everything is real but we stopped seeing them when we stopped believing. This world is ruled by a cabal that makes sacrifices to the old gods, ever seen Cabin in the Woods? I think that's about all I know, or at least all I'm allowed to share
No.300881
>>300879I wish CHIM was real, i would zero sum in a sec. Free from the wheel at last.
No.300886
>>300881Made blankpost by accident. That is a thing you know, known in the Buddhist world where dudes just vanish from reality in an instant and only their nails and hair remain
No.300889
>>300886Your blank post was no accident, it was empty, like..zero sum? Maybe they glitched the simulation and clipped out, but why the hair and nails?
No.300892
>>300889because they are dead matter, not living part of the body I guess
but then why do these dudes take poop with them when they teleport?!
No.300898
why the fuck am i already 22? i havent even done anything other than be a NEET!
No.300901
>>300898It wont always be like that,enjoy i The other side has its own misery.
No.300903
>>300898Try being 35 and NEET
No.300916
There was this guy who used to post here with anime succubi and long posts about studying math. I wish i could give him a bro hug and tell him everything will be alright. I have always desired brotherly platonic love. This is how we fight back against the normies. Loving each other without sex or homosexuality
No.300918
>>300917
>>300917
You are a hideous normie when you shame him for his appearance. Your soul is hideous that is. You are here to shit on people "lower" than you but everyone hates you here
No.300921
I think most wizards never had hugs (family), i didn't.
No.300925
>>300921i had fake hugs from my mom
my parents basically swapped gender roles
mom was the nazi gestapo head of the house, cold and calculating
dad was submissive, but kind hearted, nice and gentle
No.300927
Wizards, I've been thinking about a few things in life such as some wrong decisions people make such as getting tattoos all over their bodies, smoking, or indulging yourself in vices that could cut your life short by many years, and I've come to realize that what it is, might be an attempt at taking control of one's life. You could probably say that there's definitely some aspect, at first, when it comes to vices and pursuing them to a great extent, as being escapism, and you'd be right in a way. But mostly, what is actually going on is the fact that people want to decide when to feel good about themselves in a way where there is actually no motive to. Especially in a christian context, about the fact that christians believe that your body is a temple and that self-preservation, practicing moderation when it comes to just about anything in life, means that there is some type of acknowledgement that, even though you are yourself, and you are alive, even though there's decisions you are free to make, in the end, your entire life is a gift and it should be treated as such. I'm not a religious person by any means despite having religious people in my family, I was raised strictly atheist, so I'm not someone who has been influenced by it in any way throughout my life. Despite that, there are christians who believe that having dignity and respecting yourself is a way to adhere to the christian idea of preserving something that was granted to you, not by chance as most think, but as a deliberate action, as a gift. If you go out of your way to try and modify the way you look by any means, you are essentially rebelling against the gift you were given, indulging in vices and sins, disregarding the concept that your body and your entire self was made in god's image, is in itself doing something that is not just evil towards the christian identity, but to yourself as well. Self-respect is one of the main things christianity wants for people to have, even though this is often forgotten or ignored. What I'm trying to say is that there are many people that want to take full ownership over themselves through making similar decisions as those. I've mentioned the christian aspect of it, but there's also a non-christian regular concept of self-preservation similar to christianity that doesn't have to adhere to christian ideals. I've started to think that due to people experiencing as if they are just part of a world in which many don't have much of an ability to affect many parts of their lives, some indulge as a means of taking possession over life in a way that ends up many times being destructive towards themselves. Then you could ask yourself, whether cutting one's life short given these decisions, might or not be a way of expressing a type of full ownership over one's life, especially when it comes to death. There's some people that do bodily harm on themselves, and in this case especially, even though it might not apply to many wizards, I admit, it really feels to me as though they have a necessity to control aspects of their lives the only way they can, which ends up being through self-harm. Without the explicit example of self-harm, over indulgance in other aspects of life could very well fall under more or less the same denomination of self-harm, albeit a little broader to include decisions that in the end have the consequence of shortening one's lifespan as well. If we were to take some of these considerations of there being a type of free feeling when indulging in those acts, wouldn't there also be some type of romance when it comes to the concept of death itself as well? It's like there already is, we're exposed to it in media constantly, sometimes even romanticizing it.
No.300928
>>300916He sounds like the kind of guy who needed a punch in the ribs and to be shown that "studying math" is a dead-end journey that ends in an unfulfilled life.
No.300930
>>300927It took me 20 years to find out God is inside you. Take care of yourself and you will find the kingdom of heaven on earth (kinda). It is hard but worth it. Still don't believe in entrapping souls in this hellscape, just be good to yourself before facing the void.
No.300937
dont get why my depression is seemingly unending. im chronically uninspired unmotivated and uninterested in anything. i dont even remember it being different when i was a child.
No.300940
>>300937Do you also not have nostalgia? I can't think back to any "good times" because I didn't have any.
No.300942
Razors pain you; Rivers are damp; Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren’t lawful; Nooses give; Gas smells awful; You might as well live. —Dorothy Parker, “Resumé” (1925)
Guns can misfire, ropes can snap, drugs can induce vomiting and leave you with little more than a sore stomach and a fucked-up liver.
No.300945
When was the moment when you swore off all social interaction? Have you tried making friends?
It took me a while to realize how shallow and transactional interpersonal relationships are, and how little your "personality" matters if you are not NT, attractive and able bodied are.
I'm a disabled autstic fuck with a face that even mother would love, and I'm a natural people repellent. In my hubris, I thought if I try being charming enough, I can make a friend. I made an idiot of myself numerous times to the point of being physically assaulted on campus and being scammed by my so-called "friends". One of my "friends" decided to scam me out of money by getting my contacts and pretending to be someone else. The other pushed me from a flight of stairs when I asked him if we can play video games together. I thought it was one off occurrences, but it kept going and going. But I, being a moron that I am, kept trying in a futule belief that it's all about being kind and trying your best.
At one point, enough was enough and I realized that it's just how life is. I'm just not normal enough to be liked by people. In fact there are people who are designated to be mocked and laughed at. So, I realized it's better to protect myself and my safety comes first. I need to protect myself from my natural enemies: humans.
No.300959
>>300921same here, i love my family and they love me, but they're not the type to express soft emotions that way.
No.300960
I had cancer years ago. I remember being told that after cancer people develop a new appreciation of life. But I never did. The only thing it taught me that is life, besides being ugly and rotten, is always ready to be pulled out from underneath you. You're never "safe". Anything you take for granted is a glass weathervain, ready to be broken at the nearest unlucky wind.
Normalfags can't understand it. They're like antelopes who sip at the same watering hole and never pay any attention to the others who get pulled in by the crocodiles. They're actually arrogant and think they "won" life by not being the poor carcass pulled in that week.
No.300965
>>300964
24.
No.300967
>>300966
I neither drink nor study duh
No.300969
>>300967I just hike in the forest.
No.300978
>>300973
let go of walking
your ego clings to walking and causes you to suffer because you identify with having legs
amputate your legs, then you will be free
No.301000
I think if I just had a direction. Any hobby, interest, or thing that captivated my attention I could live, but I genuinely do not find anything worth doing. I read books, feel nothing. Play games, feel nothing. Listen to music, feel nothing.
Yet people keep telling me to "Find a hobby". Where motherfucker? Where?? Which hobby? Please tell me. I've gone through hundreds of things. Life is beyond tedium.
No.301001
>>301000finding the one hobby is up to you anon, to try as many different paths, they just give you the advice, and you do the work.
No.301002
>>301001I think the advice is confused. If I kept complaining that I couldn't hear out of one of my ears you wouldn't say "Well keep trying to listen to different sounds until you find something you can hear"
No.301005
>>301000How is your diet? I find that sometimes after I pop a multivitamin pill, things get just a bit more interesting and worth pursuing. The effect is nowhere near as strong as a psychoactive drug, but it is noticeable. We are chemical creatures after all.
I think it's mainly vitamin C, B12, and maybe the herbs in the pic.
No.301007
>>301003
>so, start with a vision, whatever gets you excited. once you have that vision that makes you FEEL something,
404 doesn't exist.
No.301009
>>301008
Look up "Anticipatory anhedonia"
No.301759
>>301005oh!
I have the same!
No.301804
i'm gonna lose my neetbux next year and im taking zero steps to find a job. im gonna end up on the streets or rope 100 percent. they fuck you up and then they claim it is your fault. Maybe we should all live far away from normies or something.
No.301805
Had an argument with my mother about household chores. I'm out of the house 4 days a week at work, I don't really make a mess, it's all her. I contribute monetarily. I pay her rent. I get stuff fixed or help finance it when it breaks. Sure, she takes me to work when I'm in office, but I'm paying her to do that. She and my shit father never taught me how to drive, never paid for lessons, and I'm leery on dropping half a grand to learn how (I don't want a car – I hope to move somewhere I won't need one). Outside of driving me to work all I ask is that she cleans up after herself and tidies.
Is that selfish of me? I can barely cook because I'm mentally exhausted from work, or I eat out. If there's grime and shit in the house that's because YOU put it there, clean it the fuck up. I feel bad for arguing with her and bluntly laying it out but it had to be done, I'm sick of her acting as though I don't contribute or don't help out and thusly it's okay to expect me to clean up (after her!) in addition to buying 90% of everything around here.
"Y-you're a grown man who doesn't want to clean!" Not true. I'm a grown man who works and doesn't have cleaning on my mind when I get home after eight+ hours in an office slowly being psychologically tortured by my inability to get out of there and my coworkers who hate me and my boring beige future if I have to stay. I'm a grown man who ensured you have running water and a working AC in 100+ degree weather, fuck off, wash your own goddamn dishes.
And get the SINK FIXED I've been on you for months about that. I'll pay. She won't even let the tech come in the house because she's insecure about it being messy, but she also doesn't clean? Jesus Christ
No.301806
>>301805>I pay her rent. For anyone bored enough to read this rambled angry mess I should clarify this isn't me paying HER rent, this is me paying my own rent to her to live in my childhood room. 800 a month covers several bills. I don't get how she can bitch about me not contributing and that I need to clean up more (I clean up after myself) when I do that in addition to everything else.
No.301807
>>301806>>301805Any and all "arguments" with normalfags boil down to who has more leverage. Either move out or get used to it. Normalfags don't give a fuck about logic or reasoning.
Sorry to say wizzie, but if you are in a position of weakness you will never be treated with respect. Normalfags ONLY respect strength because they're animals.
No.301810
>>301807What other sources of respect are there?
No.301814
Everything I say or do is wrong. I have my own internal logic that nobody understands. Even if I try to explain my reasoning people ignore it and just assume some stuff abot me, usually wrong, most of the time something bad. There is no escape
No.301821
>>301814Looks like you spend your time around shitty people. When someone is being intrusive i have this mental image of some computer terminal printing ACCESS DENIED in my head
No.301824
>>301807This is it. Financial dependence is the worst kind of dependence. If someone has leverage over you then they are going to exploit it.
>>301805>>301806Your only options are to find some way to make money, honestly, there's a saying in my language which translates roughly to better eat one meal a day of respect than three meals of disrespect.
Sadly, I am in the same position in an extremely low income country where I am unable to get any jobs. I wish I could and that would improve my life dramatically. But at this point I am kind of used to the abuses my parents hurl at me. Or maybe I guess not cause they still hurt.
No.301825
I just found out that my birth was compicated: I had a brain hemorrhage and asphyxia, and I almost died.
It all checks out. I'm a wiz because I got brain damage since birth.
Anyone here has a history of complicated birth or infancy? I think more of us are brain damaged than we think and it contributed to out mental struggles.
No.301826
>>301825>I'm a wiz because I got brain damage since birth.You chose to not have sex because of something you didn't even know happened until now? What?
No.301948
>>301825Well, I was born into a narcissist's second family as a project to fix all the mistakes from the first family, was molested as a kid, got hit in the head by a soccer ball (never played the damn sport) and woke up on concrete to half the class around me
This was the last time people paid attention to me in those numbers and I was 8 years old