/dep/ - Depression

>>300851
>I just want a revelation about reality, something….anything.
I got you bro, I have no proof to offer but I know shit. Reality is basically like CHIM in Elder Scrolls i.e. God's dream and also follows Dungeons and Dragons rules where your afterlife is determined by your beliefs and your allignment, how I know this? I'm basically fragment of some ancient Egyptian God that was worshipped and was greeted by a cat succubus goddess in the afterlife, being there for even a second was intoxicating, it matches descriptions of Arborea somewhat, most agonizing experience of my life was being sent back in to my body because I wasn't done here. Aliens are real, higher dimensions are real, some are like demons from Christianity and angels, things from other religions exist, if people believe a thing enough they will manifest it so probably everything is real but we stopped seeing them when we stopped believing. This world is ruled by a cabal that makes sacrifices to the old gods, ever seen Cabin in the Woods? I think that's about all I know, or at least all I'm allowed to share

>>300879
I wish CHIM was real, i would zero sum in a sec. Free from the wheel at last.

>>300881
Made blankpost by accident. That is a thing you know, known in the Buddhist world where dudes just vanish from reality in an instant and only their nails and hair remain

>>300886
Your blank post was no accident, it was empty, like..zero sum? Maybe they glitched the simulation and clipped out, but why the hair and nails?

>>300889
because they are dead matter, not living part of the body I guess
but then why do these dudes take poop with them when they teleport?!

why the fuck am i already 22? i havent even done anything other than be a NEET!

>>300898
It wont always be like that,enjoy i The other side has its own misery.

>>300898
Try being 35 and NEET

There was this guy who used to post here with anime succubi and long posts about studying math. I wish i could give him a bro hug and tell him everything will be alright. I have always desired brotherly platonic love. This is how we fight back against the normies. Loving each other without sex or homosexuality

>>300917
>>300917
You are a hideous normie when you shame him for his appearance. Your soul is hideous that is. You are here to shit on people "lower" than you but everyone hates you here

I think most wizards never had hugs (family), i didn't.

>>300921
i had fake hugs from my mom
my parents basically swapped gender roles
mom was the nazi gestapo head of the house, cold and calculating
dad was submissive, but kind hearted, nice and gentle

Wizards, I've been thinking about a few things in life such as some wrong decisions people make such as getting tattoos all over their bodies, smoking, or indulging yourself in vices that could cut your life short by many years, and I've come to realize that what it is, might be an attempt at taking control of one's life. You could probably say that there's definitely some aspect, at first, when it comes to vices and pursuing them to a great extent, as being escapism, and you'd be right in a way. But mostly, what is actually going on is the fact that people want to decide when to feel good about themselves in a way where there is actually no motive to. Especially in a christian context, about the fact that christians believe that your body is a temple and that self-preservation, practicing moderation when it comes to just about anything in life, means that there is some type of acknowledgement that, even though you are yourself, and you are alive, even though there's decisions you are free to make, in the end, your entire life is a gift and it should be treated as such. I'm not a religious person by any means despite having religious people in my family, I was raised strictly atheist, so I'm not someone who has been influenced by it in any way throughout my life. Despite that, there are christians who believe that having dignity and respecting yourself is a way to adhere to the christian idea of preserving something that was granted to you, not by chance as most think, but as a deliberate action, as a gift. If you go out of your way to try and modify the way you look by any means, you are essentially rebelling against the gift you were given, indulging in vices and sins, disregarding the concept that your body and your entire self was made in god's image, is in itself doing something that is not just evil towards the christian identity, but to yourself as well. Self-respect is one of the main things christianity wants for people to have, even though this is often forgotten or ignored. What I'm trying to say is that there are many people that want to take full ownership over themselves through making similar decisions as those. I've mentioned the christian aspect of it, but there's also a non-christian regular concept of self-preservation similar to christianity that doesn't have to adhere to christian ideals. I've started to think that due to people experiencing as if they are just part of a world in which many don't have much of an ability to affect many parts of their lives, some indulge as a means of taking possession over life in a way that ends up many times being destructive towards themselves. Then you could ask yourself, whether cutting one's life short given these decisions, might or not be a way of expressing a type of full ownership over one's life, especially when it comes to death. There's some people that do bodily harm on themselves, and in this case especially, even though it might not apply to many wizards, I admit, it really feels to me as though they have a necessity to control aspects of their lives the only way they can, which ends up being through self-harm. Without the explicit example of self-harm, over indulgance in other aspects of life could very well fall under more or less the same denomination of self-harm, albeit a little broader to include decisions that in the end have the consequence of shortening one's lifespan as well. If we were to take some of these considerations of there being a type of free feeling when indulging in those acts, wouldn't there also be some type of romance when it comes to the concept of death itself as well? It's like there already is, we're exposed to it in media constantly, sometimes even romanticizing it.

>>300916
He sounds like the kind of guy who needed a punch in the ribs and to be shown that "studying math" is a dead-end journey that ends in an unfulfilled life.

>>300927
It took me 20 years to find out God is inside you. Take care of yourself and you will find the kingdom of heaven on earth (kinda). It is hard but worth it. Still don't believe in entrapping souls in this hellscape, just be good to yourself before facing the void.

dont get why my depression is seemingly unending. im chronically uninspired unmotivated and uninterested in anything. i dont even remember it being different when i was a child.

>>300937
Do you also not have nostalgia? I can't think back to any "good times" because I didn't have any.

Razors pain you; Rivers are damp; Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren’t lawful; Nooses give; Gas smells awful; You might as well live. —Dorothy Parker, “Resumé” (1925)

Guns can misfire, ropes can snap, drugs can induce vomiting and leave you with little more than a sore stomach and a fucked-up liver.

When was the moment when you swore off all social interaction? Have you tried making friends?
It took me a while to realize how shallow and transactional interpersonal relationships are, and how little your "personality" matters if you are not NT, attractive and able bodied are.
I'm a disabled autstic fuck with a face that even mother would love, and I'm a natural people repellent. In my hubris, I thought if I try being charming enough, I can make a friend. I made an idiot of myself numerous times to the point of being physically assaulted on campus and being scammed by my so-called "friends". One of my "friends" decided to scam me out of money by getting my contacts and pretending to be someone else. The other pushed me from a flight of stairs when I asked him if we can play video games together. I thought it was one off occurrences, but it kept going and going. But I, being a moron that I am, kept trying in a futule belief that it's all about being kind and trying your best.
At one point, enough was enough and I realized that it's just how life is. I'm just not normal enough to be liked by people. In fact there are people who are designated to be mocked and laughed at. So, I realized it's better to protect myself and my safety comes first. I need to protect myself from my natural enemies: humans.

>>300921
same here, i love my family and they love me, but they're not the type to express soft emotions that way.

I had cancer years ago. I remember being told that after cancer people develop a new appreciation of life. But I never did. The only thing it taught me that is life, besides being ugly and rotten, is always ready to be pulled out from underneath you. You're never "safe". Anything you take for granted is a glass weathervain, ready to be broken at the nearest unlucky wind.

Normalfags can't understand it. They're like antelopes who sip at the same watering hole and never pay any attention to the others who get pulled in by the crocodiles. They're actually arrogant and think they "won" life by not being the poor carcass pulled in that week.

Not even sure why I'm depressed anymore, I used to think the cause was just the lack of purpose and the repetitive routine in my NEET life, then I realized loneliness and bad relations with family members play a role in it too, I doubt unNEETing will make things a lot better even though getting a comfy/tolerable job would surely help distract me and ease boredom, but I doubt it's going to make me want to stop thinking of ending my life.

>>300964
24.

>>300966
I neither drink nor study duh

>>300967
I just hike in the forest.

>>300973
let go of walking
your ego clings to walking and causes you to suffer because you identify with having legs

amputate your legs, then you will be free

>>300980
you couldn't break a twig wimp

I think if I just had a direction. Any hobby, interest, or thing that captivated my attention I could live, but I genuinely do not find anything worth doing. I read books, feel nothing. Play games, feel nothing. Listen to music, feel nothing.

Yet people keep telling me to "Find a hobby". Where motherfucker? Where?? Which hobby? Please tell me. I've gone through hundreds of things. Life is beyond tedium.

>>301000
finding the one hobby is up to you anon, to try as many different paths, they just give you the advice, and you do the work.

>>301001
I think the advice is confused. If I kept complaining that I couldn't hear out of one of my ears you wouldn't say "Well keep trying to listen to different sounds until you find something you can hear"

>>301000
How is your diet? I find that sometimes after I pop a multivitamin pill, things get just a bit more interesting and worth pursuing. The effect is nowhere near as strong as a psychoactive drug, but it is noticeable. We are chemical creatures after all.

I think it's mainly vitamin C, B12, and maybe the herbs in the pic.

>>301003
>so, start with a vision, whatever gets you excited. once you have that vision that makes you FEEL something,

404 doesn't exist.

>>301008
Look up "Anticipatory anhedonia"

>>301005
oh!


I have the same!

>>300961
💊

i'm gonna lose my neetbux next year and im taking zero steps to find a job. im gonna end up on the streets or rope 100 percent. they fuck you up and then they claim it is your fault. Maybe we should all live far away from normies or something.

Had an argument with my mother about household chores. I'm out of the house 4 days a week at work, I don't really make a mess, it's all her. I contribute monetarily. I pay her rent. I get stuff fixed or help finance it when it breaks. Sure, she takes me to work when I'm in office, but I'm paying her to do that. She and my shit father never taught me how to drive, never paid for lessons, and I'm leery on dropping half a grand to learn how (I don't want a car – I hope to move somewhere I won't need one). Outside of driving me to work all I ask is that she cleans up after herself and tidies.

Is that selfish of me? I can barely cook because I'm mentally exhausted from work, or I eat out. If there's grime and shit in the house that's because YOU put it there, clean it the fuck up. I feel bad for arguing with her and bluntly laying it out but it had to be done, I'm sick of her acting as though I don't contribute or don't help out and thusly it's okay to expect me to clean up (after her!) in addition to buying 90% of everything around here.

"Y-you're a grown man who doesn't want to clean!" Not true. I'm a grown man who works and doesn't have cleaning on my mind when I get home after eight+ hours in an office slowly being psychologically tortured by my inability to get out of there and my coworkers who hate me and my boring beige future if I have to stay. I'm a grown man who ensured you have running water and a working AC in 100+ degree weather, fuck off, wash your own goddamn dishes.

And get the SINK FIXED I've been on you for months about that. I'll pay. She won't even let the tech come in the house because she's insecure about it being messy, but she also doesn't clean? Jesus Christ

>>301805
>I pay her rent.
For anyone bored enough to read this rambled angry mess I should clarify this isn't me paying HER rent, this is me paying my own rent to her to live in my childhood room. 800 a month covers several bills. I don't get how she can bitch about me not contributing and that I need to clean up more (I clean up after myself) when I do that in addition to everything else.

>>301806
>>301805
Any and all "arguments" with normalfags boil down to who has more leverage. Either move out or get used to it. Normalfags don't give a fuck about logic or reasoning.

Sorry to say wizzie, but if you are in a position of weakness you will never be treated with respect. Normalfags ONLY respect strength because they're animals.

>>301807
What other sources of respect are there?

Everything I say or do is wrong. I have my own internal logic that nobody understands. Even if I try to explain my reasoning people ignore it and just assume some stuff abot me, usually wrong, most of the time something bad. There is no escape

RIP Tommysimm's incredible ouvre of r34 images.

2000s - Whenever the exodus happened.

The guy is ultra-talented, and I sure af know how to pick my battles so I'm not sad because it ended.

I am happy because it happened so friggin' hard during its glory days.

I'll miss it all if not him. :'D

>>301814
Looks like you spend your time around shitty people. When someone is being intrusive i have this mental image of some computer terminal printing ACCESS DENIED in my head

>>301807
This is it. Financial dependence is the worst kind of dependence. If someone has leverage over you then they are going to exploit it.
>>301805
>>301806
Your only options are to find some way to make money, honestly, there's a saying in my language which translates roughly to better eat one meal a day of respect than three meals of disrespect.

Sadly, I am in the same position in an extremely low income country where I am unable to get any jobs. I wish I could and that would improve my life dramatically. But at this point I am kind of used to the abuses my parents hurl at me. Or maybe I guess not cause they still hurt.

I just found out that my birth was compicated: I had a brain hemorrhage and asphyxia, and I almost died.
It all checks out. I'm a wiz because I got brain damage since birth.
Anyone here has a history of complicated birth or infancy? I think more of us are brain damaged than we think and it contributed to out mental struggles.

>>301825
>I'm a wiz because I got brain damage since birth.
You chose to not have sex because of something you didn't even know happened until now? What?

I at the point where I don't derive any joy from existing. Get up got to work, go home and get 6 hours of free time to try and mentally escape which is impossible when nothing is worth it. Beat video game, nothing happens. finish reading a book, nothing happens. Make art…cook…on and on. Nothing is going to somehow magically catapult my life trajectory somewhere better.

>>301825
Well, I was born into a narcissist's second family as a project to fix all the mistakes from the first family, was molested as a kid, got hit in the head by a soccer ball (never played the damn sport) and woke up on concrete to half the class around me
This was the last time people paid attention to me in those numbers and I was 8 years old

>>301826
chose because we fail to get pleasure when it comes to mating because we lack the mechanism to have oxytocin or something released when it comes to mating