/dep/ - Depression

>>308714
They only exist as a weapon to screen out desperate people who could do unpredictable harm to the owning class.

The intent was never to help you. As someone macabrely described above, they will even hang up on you right as you are about to end your life once their 12 minute allocation for you is used up.

The only way they will stay on the line longer is if they suspect you might lash out against property or third parties so they can report you, or in extreme cases hold you on the line long enough so you can be triangulated, geolocated and swatted.

>>308731
I know they were dirty and expensive but payphones strangely seem to have soul and character to me. Smartphones are so boring.

no they suck, i called one once and they sent the cops to my house and they drove me to the psych ward.

Its pretty useless

The queues are always stupidly long too, i have sometimes had to wait hours just for some miserable lady to pick up and give me "motivational poster" ass advice

AFAIK, a door slam and a gunshot would be indistinguishable over the phone line.

>>301325
If you don't need money, then get friends is not a need. I've tried being friendly and nice with people but always think that being a good guy to them is being weak so they surprise when I don't tolerate their injustices over me and automatically they consider me a threat to their environment so unless that I need money or stuff like that, I don't have any interest to know new people. At least until I get a friend that don't want to use my kindness to mock me around or use me.

>>301325
It took me awhile to find friends on discord. If you play video games you gotta find them in the games you like. Popular games are easier to find people but not high quality, high quality meaning good match for you. I found a friend while i was living in a hotel playing dark souls remastered on switch like 5 years ago and still play with him to this day. He found more people and they became my friends too. I also found friends playing pubg. I think for men and especially autistic men which i was very autistic before, it’s better to have a shared goal or objectives and the small talk is just a ctach up or time occupier inbetween gameplay. This could also be applied to a mens shed or something where you go to build objects or whatever else. When you’re socially awkward it’s better to have something to focus on objectively until you gain enough levels to tolerate and then later enjoy small talk. It took me years but now i enjoy myself with random people from good discord groups. I count myself lucky. I could have easily never recovered.

I am alone because having connection to the Inter is not equal finding people like myself.

>>301325
Also, bump.

Yesterday, a simple question of what to eat for the next dinner / breakfast was turned into a heated negotiation with various rhetoric tricks. Old good tactic - put your terms as "suggestion" and proceed to manipulate your opponent of a family member into agreeing with you. If the opponent proposes something else - proceed to ask dumb questions, suggest new ideas, rephrase your opponent's idea in the wrong way and so on. I am stuck with this faux-retarded highly educated person and my only way out is to abandon my decent job. Ugh. And the worst thing is, I actually do care about them so just grabbing my laptop and HDDs, some bags of clothing, and going away from them to a small rented apartment on a taxi is not for me

Regards,
>>309202

>>309203
P.S.

No matter how I tried, instead of finding people like myself, I would be greeted with… well, enough negativity against my "attempts to look bigger than I am", as they used to put it.

I
Have
Given
Up

>>309183
you have the ability, it's just suppressed because acting like that would get you bullied and humiliated as a man. succubi can afford to express their full spectrum of emotions, they can be lovey dovey with their dogs and babies and they can be cheerful and dance and sing in public because no one has ever told them to shut the fuck up and shamed them for it.

find a stray cat or puppy and just pat that lil fella like there's no tomorrow. i remember this one time i pet this cat in front of my apartment building and it was pouring and everything and i could feel a wave of sudden emotion come up out of nowhere and just overwhelm me, almost started crying. yeah, the ability is there, it's just… suppressed.

not agreeing or disagreeing but some people (like me) have broken brain and really can't show affection. it's not that affection is something unknown to me, or something i don't understand, or something i can't do. it's just that i can't sustain it. i can't care about people enough to keep them in my head. so "affection" is something that just evaporates

>>309186
I think you're right wiz, it's just been too long since I've been around an animal

I find it strange though that most household pets are actually predators, I know that in dogs that instinct has been largely suppressed through selective breeding but it's still there and can surface at any time. Even though they're predators though it doesn't mean that they aren't capable of being affectionate, but there's always a part of me that wonders if it isn't just a means to an end, even birds are capable of psychological manipulation

I sometimes give food to a raven that comes by, maybe I'll be able to tame him some day

>>309190
it's definitely a means to an end. cats like to snuggle up to you and you think "oh she luvs me" but in reality you're just a warm place that consistently generates food and stimulating scratches. animals are not capable of "love" in the same way, but the reactions they give to petting and feeding them is its own reward. they seem happy and that makes you happy in return. maybe its the same way with humans, you act affectionate towards someone because you know it makes them feel good (or at least you imagine that's the case), so making someone else feel good makes you feel good. its a very core circuit, you can't just shut it off or break it.

>>309189
it's unlikely it's broken, just suppressed or under-activated. i got emotional because it was probably several years since i just played with a cute animal and her cute reaction caught me by surprise, just activated something inside me that i thought i lost. usually i'm hikkimaxxing and when i'm walking outside i'm just looking to get home as fast as possible. i sort of understand why lonely people have pets because the touch starvation is probably the worst part, novelty and gossip you can always get on the internet.

>>309198
I'd like to keep goats some day, they're actually very affectionate animals and not predatory, I became a vegetarian about 5 years ago so I feel somewhat incompatible at this point with predatory animals, obviously you need money for that though and lots of space. But thats a goal for me and Id say its important to have a goal

Just had a realization.
All the times I thought "well someday"…
Someday isn't even today.
That day of action, that one day where dreams come true was 10 years ago.
It just never happened.
It passed by like any other day.
A day of inaction. Then a month and year and a decade.
It should have been. Long ago. I should be reminiscing about those days today. I don't even have the fond memories to look back on.
Failure? Is it a failure if you never tried? I don't know.

Facing mortality like this feels impossible.

>Every time I think of death, the end of my self I can feel my brain fighting it, pretty much actively trying to shut down.

that's the little you who somehow got into the cockpit. there are deeper parts of you, how bout letting them into the cockpit and kick the little you out?

>I screwed myself, my health because
if you don't want to die then how come you aren't healthy. that'd be the number one thing you would make sure to handle because it is the only thing that can give you extra years.

pasta, pizza, soda and candy don't give you extra years, they shorten your life.

>How do you deal with the inevitability of death?
i'm healthy and i try to make the best out of the little time i have left. i'm not that good at using my time and i am way slower then i would like to be because of the constant molestation and hostility around me that i keep having to pick myself up from but what matters is that i am getting better. the reason i don't worry about death or getting old is because i trust in my abilities and in the preparation i am doing, also i was never tricked in this cultural delusion of all the idiots who prioritize in controlling everything and everyone and in the process never even felt the present moment. the worry you experience might be the result of the state of greed that you have accepted as normality. normal people are just fuel for corruption, they aren't alive the way i am or the other people who try to live a life of wisdom. they are just imposters who get so jealous that their circuits jam when they see someone alive. i'm sure you have never found the good stuff in life so you are like all the others who haven't. it's tragic but i don't think you can be helped. until you question the peer pressured life, your life will feel empty, shallow and distant. the real you is sitting passenger while the little you flies the plane. if you were sitting in the cockpit yourself, you could fly to where it is nice but passengers don't get to make decisions, or believe in free will.

just quit being a passenger and fly yourself.

>>305937

>>306014
Halts? 14 years old? Or maybe we're on a computer that a 14 years old got as a 9th grade gift.


>>305937
>>306172

Count me in!
I still have some issues with the "worth living" part despite having it objectively easy these days.

And the death is a "taboo" for me too, not the EL QUERO VIVRE burning desire to live, but rather… rather…

>>306169
Peter griffin manga edition ? pic

>>306722
regression for someday- by what is there

Creatine Monohydrate should be supplemented because to get a full working dose one would need to eat an entire chicken dinner's worth of beef. It's vital in the human body's functions that relate to not being unhealthy. I've been taking it for years and I'm very strong and smart and large.

>>307661
That seems like a lot to take in but many men's health support supplements cover much of that in two doses. Ideally much of this shouldn't be supplemented but rather acquired through an actual balanced diet, but that would probably give a caloric surplus for the average NEET.

>>308003


I ask a chatbot (cheap DeepSeek, nothing fancy) to be a decent time-managing coach for me and tell DS some tasks off my head… get a timetable… tell DS some more… get a bigger timetable - bam! Now I have a three hour time-table for tomorrow :)

>>308402
Update: it's done and many more

>>303176
I have bought a vial of synthetic vitamind D, diluted in water, thanks to a hint from >>305097

I feel less anxious and not as doomed as before. I think half of my depression is gone.

As a soy/lentils eater, I decided to start eating B12 without even getting tested.

>>307661
Cool. Which brands I should ask my AI assistant? I am going to get something similar.

>>309176 that’s crazy 33 is nutz i’m 19.

I ate shit in the school parking lot and a group of succubi laughed at me, i still haven't recovered

>>309177
Pack it up unc, shouldn't you be at work

>>309178 i envy you

>>309178
Shit's fetish fuel for some.
Maybe you are the reason one of them weren't dating chads because your stunt has provided her enough fetish fuel to stick to finding a c&a fella to feed stinky fish at evening dinners

Sorry if that sounds un-wize. I just think it can be healing to think personal actions may turn a succubi into a … neutral "self-sufficient" witch-like entity

meow meow
nya nya
im a passive submissive
retard~

cant even post

>>309131
not really, but sugar is really bad for teeth, yeah

ALL human behavior, every single moment and action of the day, goes like this
If I do this, then that happens
If I do this, then that happens
If I do this, then that happens
from smoking a cigarette, every thing at work, any interaction or conversation with other people
reality has to be some kind of computer program or deduction

>>309144
Yeah really. How are you getting cavities without eating sugar? Smoking? Not brushing your teeth once a day for 30 seconds? I haven't been to a dentist in a decade, have crowded wisdom teeth, have crowded front teeth, they're yellow, but I avoid tooth aches primarily by not consuming sugar.

Thanks for the condescending comment anyhow! I recommend smart people follow my advice instead. Cheers

>>309180
Principle of cause and effect. let me guess, just by saying this alone, you are 23?

>>309185
It's really subtle but this fixes something in my perception of everyday life.
Makes my lived experience seem more orderly and have a particular format.
I don't get why I didn't see this before.

>>309062
i see

>>309037
Maybe my "de jure only" parent is both combined, given how it was me who managed to fix the trashed apartment (financed).

>>309083
>Misery loves company
>see
Oh I wanna be around
To pick up the pieces…

>>309011
>You're absolutely right but what do you do if you're born in a shithole where there is absolutely no way to survive if you don't have parents

Most practical way would be to find a bunch of other neets and pool your bux to rent a house. With enough people the individual rent would be low. If you really live in some third world country there won't be as many regulations prohibiting stuff like this.

>>309168
>trusting other people
Are you serious right now, my nigger?

>>309084
>insulted
My own father insulted me many times working with him. Imagine how useless made me feel that

>>309093
Is he a boomer by any chance?

>>309090
This is what I ended up with too OP.
It's a good job, as good as I can ever imagine having.

The only negative is the stress some people have from >>309091 , but I can tank it pretty fine since I don't care.
Job security comes from normies being unable to tolerate normies.

I just think of myself as some robot since I'm very rigid with how I talk to customers.
It's like, I got my little canned sentences that I can branch from a little depending on how things go and that's about it.
You get better at it, you add stuff to your vocabulary, expand the instruction set of your robot body or something, but all in all it's not very taxing mentally or physically.

I'm very grateful for the second half too since I let my body fall apart pretty bad.

Another job I was really good at was being a cashier.
The machine gave me the numbers for how much change to give back or how much money to take. You just move stuff from left to right or right to left.
I also just had some pretty much memorized repeat sentences I'd say to customers depending on what they say if any interaction was prompted besides hello/wouldyoulikesomeXYZ/goodbye.

Unfortunately these jobs seem to be disappearing. Cashier jobs are only like 1 / store and the rest is standing around the self checkouts 8 hours a day and running around on top of that.
Phone support jobs are getting AI replaced too for the most part.

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my stepmother made me feel dumber even though I graduate college. A lot of education systems nowadays is mostly about passing the buck rather than educating students. Most people in leadership positions are assholes and will immediately test you upon meeting you to determine if you are leadership material or another lamb they can slaughter or ignore.

>>309122
>I was fired a couple times because I "couldn't figure out obvious things". Basically anything that required my subjective judgement I fucked up too.
People complain about instruction manuals and guidebooks that are too verbose and treat you like an idiot, but a lot of those came about because the alternative was boomers with 40 years experience doing one thing and one thing only assuming what's obvious to them is just as obvious to the newbies that they've put zero effort into teaching.