/dep/ - Depression

Vent your shit here that is not deserving of its own thread edition
previous thread >>301013

>So TL:DR; online places changed and I'm no longer suited for them. There are no suitable places and circumstances to make friends at my age. People my age got families and why would they want to be my friend anyways?


2000s internet vibes can still be found in:

* Gaiaonline
* Vaporwave communities
* City forums, I guess?
* Food communities, kitchen clubs
* they hack "gamespy" era PC games to have multiplayer mode WITHOUT now-defunct GameSlayn. Games that still have communities

* Dos.zone
DOS era games can be played online.

I lost a lot of money trading, worst part is:
I made it all back twice, and twice lost everything.
While I was winning I thought to myself, great finally there is something I'm good at, something that could uplift me from the deep hole I got stuck in for so many years, and then I got wiped, I might try again in few mounts, but it got me thinking, why even try?
Not even about trading or making money, no matter what I've tried over the years nothing ever sticks with me or works for me.
There was nothing in my life that I was ever good at, finally I thought to myself, this is it, it worked so good for me, maybe I'm not such a failure, maybe it is my calling, and what do you know? I fucked up like I did everything I've ever touched.

I'm lost, I feel empty inside, but there is no pain, some fainting panic, but that's it, I feel dark and empty inside.

I think the only thing that might make me feel better is something that I must get good at fast, something where I could easily measure and see progress, but I don't know what it could be.

P.S. I'll vent here for a while, yell into abyss, hope it works.

How's everyone's sleep schedule? Any tips or tricks for getting a consistent sleep pattern and/or sleep schedule

How do you guys manage to stay out of bed as shut-in NEETs? I have been a NEET for almost a decade and only now have I realized I'm addicted to laying on my bed all day. I think all started 10 or so years ago when I was still in school, I started to prefer laying on my bed than staying on the computer or doing anything else on my free time. Then I dropped out and became a NEET. Obviously as a shut-in there's not much to do so I normally stay on my bed all day. I have a good computer, but can't stand using it for long. My back and legs start aching and I just find my bed so damn comfortable. I have lots of blankets, cuishons and plushies to make myself even extra comfy. This is bothering me because I can't work on personal projects or use the static bike I bought because I spend my days on my bed doing nothing. Even lurking the internet is way better for me on the bed using my tablet because I can zoom in if I have to and I can watch anime on it. I started joining IRC channels from my computer in hopes to keep myself out of bed since IRC works better from a desktop.
This seems to be a real mental condition called clinophilia. There's barely any info on it besides https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinophilia and most people online treat it like a joke "haha yeah I love staying in bed!" normalfag type of comments. But this is a serious illness as it makes me unable to stay healthy and active even as a NEET.

I have no purpose at life. I just roam. I do this since I was born. Never said one day I'm going to do something. I'm waiting the moment I will say "fine thats' it, thats the day I'll do something with my life" but I know it will never come. I'm a trash

ОК, i just dont get it


My mother keeps calling me at my workplace over the fact my pants look "horrible", "off-putting", and other stuff


I am busting me arse here to earn some money to cover her expenses yet she would start a fucking opera scene over wrong type of pants I am wearing.


Ugh.

For years, I was believing I am an autistic debile with asexuality-like condition, now I realise it was me mum all along, teaching me to be nervous over this or that irrelevant detail here or there - stuff people would normally give no friks about

This thread is for the discussion of the greatest misfortune in existence that is disease.

Healthy people are NPCs. They don't really exist. With disease comes the awareness of your body that your private hell and your true existence begins and hear the scream of everything. Pain teach you what it means to really exist. Disease's manifesto: to live is to suffer like a ragdoll while fate prisons you in the eternal hours pregnant with pain to cure of you from the sin of life.

The top 5 regrets of the dying according to an Australian palliative care nurse Bonnie Ware are:

-I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
-I wish I hadn't worked so much.
-I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
-I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
-I wish that I had let myself be happier.

I know the truth.
We didn't have a normal childhood, and if we did at some point during childhood, puberty, or adolescence, we screwed up and were rejected or abandoned or some fucked up thing.
>Ptsd
A few days ago, I read that people with PTSD have a characteristic lack of light and permanent dilated pupils in their eyes, as if they were almost dead. I looked at photos from my childhood, and at a certain age, I already looked terrible just by looking my eyes and face, from genuine happyness to pure sadness.
>Do you want to vent and tell me a story about some traumatic shit?
I have vague memories of tunnel vision dissociation after being rejected and abandoned as a child and another one as teenager. I wouldn't wish that experience to anyone.

>Avpd
I wonder if this shit is just a process of dehumanization every damn day. I feel out of step or out of alignment with the normies' charade of pretending that everything is fine. I can barely fake it with family members and some close acquaintances (who are not my friends but are friends of my family) and with childrens, I don't want them to end up like me either.
I'm going to say something that makes me cringe, but this year I felt a very stupid happiness because someone who is not part of my family expressed interest or curiosity about me. I don't know if them did it out of morbid curiosity or genuine interest in some form of human kindness, but it made me feel temporarily happy and not so alone and isolated. And no, it wasn't the typical “Are you okay?” that leads to the automatic fake response of ‘'Yes'’ or “Yes, but I'm just now busy and a little tired.”
If only I could make friends or find something similar to human companionship, like with my pets, I wouldn't feel so alone.
I miss playing video games like TF2, WoW, CS, other MMOs, ending up in long hours games and parties laughing with randoms, Even there, I connected with those who were disconnected and found support and friendship. Thank you for that.