/dep/ - Depression

This guy just drove into a lot of people with his car on Christmas market and killed a yound child and another person at least. People say they hate them. I don't feel a thing. Things just happen and life is madness, why would anyone even force you into life, that's so fucking dumb. What are you going to do about it?

GOD, I AM SO FUCKING LONELY. LONELINESS IS KILLING ME.

>>295057
I've been feeling like this for three weeks straight. I mean, I've been depressed all my life, but I still did things. Now I can't watch anything. Can't read anything. I feel so lonely and isolated. I am so sad. I just smoke cigarettes all day and do nothing. I fucking hate music now too. I am already seeing a psychiatrist. I have bipolar disorder, but manic episodes barely occur now because of my medication.

>>296839
same
i have no one to talk to who would actually listen, not even online
imageboards are the only place where i can be honest

>>296840
time to start going for long walks daily, I am in the same position as you, I walk 2 hours each day

>>296844
Because autistic people aren't high IQ or good at focusing.

>>296844
Governments actually do. I remember seeing one western government specifically seek out autists for forensic accounting. It turns out that mulling over numbers all day looking for slight discrepancies is what they're good for.

>>296847
Yup, pattern recognition is one of the strongest autistic powers

>>296849
And these highly specified tasks requiring pattern recognition all will be made superfluous in the near past because of AI.

>>296850
is anyone going to watch out for abuse of AI? watch for downplaying some things and emphasizing other things?
i guess we are going to just let the powers that be do their minor adjustments to society, like they always have been doing

I work as a cashier for a gas station and it’s unironically a comfy job and isn’t stressful. For 8 hours, I’m either standing processing payments and lottery stuff, vacuuming the place, filling ice bags, and restocking drinks. I get paid $14/hr for this.

>>296833
Wish I worked at your gas station. At mine it's stressful as fuck, people are rude as hell, stupid as shit, and overall just some of the worst people on the planet

I have an office job, and it's the most tolerable job I've had. It would be perfect if not for the open office setup. It's a constant reminder how much I don't fit in with other people, I mean they're socializing all the time while I just sit there with nothing to say. In a cubicle I could just forget about the world and do my job…

>>296438

Alan Watts? Are you serious? He was a new age grifter that used watered down, pseudo Buddhist ideas to amass a cult of personality. He did manage to have sex with lots of succubi, so there's that.

>>296145
I'm not even kidding but lowkey perplexed from how good and underrated this post is.

>>296454
>lowkey
Read The Egg by Andy Weir, zoomer.

>>296143
> why does he give great amount of suffering and horror to poor believers while giving happiness and wealth to evil disbelieving people?
why is he so careless?
Because he doest exist, the rich tell you he exist to keep you dorcile and submissive

>>296143
I believe that the most absolute principle of God is the will.

Think about it, if you look at the teleological chain of life, you will find that every being with a soul only wants to exist and exaggerate its existence. God is existence itself, its essence, God only wants to exist and is the maximum being in existence. That is why he is uncaused, ungenerated, infinite, eternal, all powerful and so on, because he is existence, he cannot be denied, if he has a quality that denies his existence, God cannot be.

From this point, god only wants in the first degree to perpetuate himself as an existing being, and he already does that well, this would be the "will to live", simply to preserve and perpetuate himself, it is in this conception that we can imagine the eternal, unique, indivisible, homogeneous and static god, however, from the will to live is derived the "will to power", which is a higher state of not only wanting to perpetuate existence, but exaggerate it and extend it as much as possible, that is why god creates, because to create is to extend itself, he creates as possible, in infinite ways and infinite powers, all creation is an emanation of him, it is as if he were growing and affirming his existence. Now, God is ideal/rational, because for existence to be in agreement with God, it cannot be limited matter, it has to be thought and ideas, because only thought is unlimited, it is the invention and creation of everything, therefore, all reality is only His thought, HIS DREAM, He alone creates multiple realities and things, as if He were thinking or dreaming, that is why we do not matter to Him, do you worry about people who suffer terrible misfortunes in your dreams? No, we are only creations, His extension, playing roles, performing our "play", following the script.

Now, consciousness is also an emanation of God, He creates multiple consciences in different orders so that they continue creating like Him, in addition to the fact that God loves to create consciences since they are in His image and likeness, and likewise these are only part of Him, they are only divisions of the consciousness of God, only God parts His consciousness and generates illusions to those consciences of being his own. We understand the deepest truths in the dream state, there you realize that your "I" is false, you are false, you are only a thinkiPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>296827
this, im a university dropout and people say "if you tried harder you'd get a degree and could get good jobs stop pitying yourself you're totally normal bro". No chance for neetbux for me.

>>296824
i think so

>>296823
would love to, trust me, but I need connections for those

i give up in life. never fit in. mental problems. makes no sense. kicker is i'm good looking and i've had many succubi say it but no one will date me because i'm broken inside. I'd rather be ugly then to know io've wasted my looks.

>>296827
>>296827
People with degrees dont need neetbux

yeah, i can feel this psychic pressure being applied to me when normalfags are in the room. they don't even have to say anything, you know you're being measured against a standard that you don't believe in but your brain has evolved to push your towards conforming so there's always that internal conflict that bubbles up as anxiety and shame. the only thing that seems to help is just leaving the situation. solitude is such a blessing.

>>296810
Aye, it feels like an interrogation, and the more distant the family, the worse questions they ask. Sometimes I wonder if they are curious, or if they just want to listen to a freak mumble for the kicks. I mean they get these demonic smiles when they're listening to me, like children watching a rat try to escape from a bucket of water.

>>296815
>being measured against a standard that you don't believe in
so much this
and I'm sure they pick the questions they know I don't have a good answer to, like they already know, but want to hear me admit it

>>293806 (OP)
31
> What brought you here?
I would say it snowballed from an early age. One thing led to the other, it is like a chain of events and various factors.
I still remember, that as a kid, the time where I was pretty "normal" and very "social" with other kids. Then something happened. But it's pretty complex and involves a lot of factors: parents, environment, etc

> What prevents you from changing
I would say the extreme case of social anxiety (but it's gotten better over the years, or so I think and say to myself)
That's one of the things that I can't fix no matter how much I try. The exposure "therapy" thing did not help, it just doesn't work.

I can be employed and do the work so the autism is probably not that strong, but it still feels like a death sentance for employment. I have failed so many interviews.
Let alone the normies struggle. For artists, it's like a death sentence.

im 33, going to be 34 soon, i have never had a job, cant drive, never had sex, you know, the whole thing.

i had a psychotic episode and was diagnosed a schizoid, i can never be normal, besides being physically repulsive im also mentally unwell.

I spend my days studying poetry and the occult. The only thing that keeps me going is im no longer a angst filled teenager and creation of art.

31 Year Old.
>Autistic
>No social skills
>can't understand social cues to save my fucking life
>video games almost every chance I get
>Not athletic AT ALL
>Grew up from a single mother home
>Live in a sisterfucker town that doesn't understand autism
>can't move

It's a shitshow.

>>296791
>video games almost every chance I get

you list this like it's a bad thing. Plus, from my experience, normal (not wizards) folk play them constantly.
My brother is a super normie and practically plays them all day every day while having a remote job and a wife.

Dead parent, emo attitude, bullying, no friendsish, school was hell particularly before high school, 32, changing is hard idk… Never good with routine or self discipline on certain things, ,….

Sorry to hear that third world anon, I have third world genes but born in america lucky to immigrant chad parents, mother dead though and my father about to pass eventually in a couple of years. You can't give up, work extremely hard and find a way out of that hellhole and get good medical care as you possibly can.

>>296772
I am Indian and I am poor too. I am also a failure in academics so I can't get a job. I just want to let you know that I understand what you're suffering through. But what I also want to tell you and my attention seeking self is that posting here won't do any good. It's over.

>>296776
Not OP, but it is useful to vent one's frustration on this site and be able to text people who are like you (even remotely)

death is luxury

>>296581
What makes you think you're smart enough for metaphysics and understanding basic reality? You probably have a prole face with bad physiognomy, but go ahead and tell us how you've grasped the nature of existence.

>>296592
>prole
You are WEAK if you put social class\wealth before Celibacy

HEY! I made more silly religion images!

I have been studying secular\non religious but "paranormal" topics: UFOS, contactees, possessions, cryptids, etc for a decade now. materialism is BULLSHIT but I hadn't made progress until I used gateway process tapes.
now, I think the only important thing is to learn Ethics\practical Morality, and be assured a good afterlife exists, and trying to get there.