/dep/ - Depression

>>306687
Studying requires too much mental energy. I find myself getting so bored and distracted or just sleepy if I try to force myself to study.

No idea how normalfags do it. I have zero motivation to do anything but sit at my desk.

>>306676
>Is this bait?
I thought so as well, probably either a troll or some retarded newfag.

>crustaceans
fucking lol'd

>>306686
I'm not the anon you replied to but I know very well what you are describing. Sometimes I try living like that for a moment, just to see what it's like. Not dwelling on thoughts, just following whatever comes to my mind. But it feels soulless, I feel like an NPC while doing it. Feels kinda faggy too, like a eunuch, I don't know how to describe it. Ego-less? But in a bad way. The other problem is that I get a new 'quest' before finishing the current one, making me overwhelmed with tasks. So this thoughtless mode of operation doesn't work for me. And even if it did, I don't like it.

Why do you think that is? What makes us different from regular people? Do we reflect too much?

>>306696
I don't know. Your guess is as good as mine.

I always thought it's two things combined.
First lack a clear reward structure, second is seeking an objectively optimal path where non exists.
The second is probably tism, the first is probably more to do with the wizard mindset.

A lot of times I just don't have a real reason to do things since there isn't enough benefit to justify the struggle.
I suppose for normals with proper drives for family/reproduction, status and all the stuff that contributes to it's attainment they can justify any struggle since it contributes to the ultimate goal.
I do believe wizards are the type of people who could 100% rationalize suicide without a shred of emotional thinking.

For the path issue. Many things in life are subjective. Are you good at making subjective decisions? Favorite color, flavor, food, etc.? I'm not.
I'm horrible at it.
Unless it's something I can evaluate objectively I'm often paralyzed even if I in reality don't care either way.
If you don't have this issue a second form this may manifest is that as I said, most issues in life don't have a clear cut solution.

If I have point [A] where I start and have a desired outcome point [B] and there is a clear set of steps to be taken with a clear "win condition" that it results in, I'm okay taking the action.
In life you don't have this kind of certainty. It is reserved for fiction, video games mostly.

In reality most things people do starts with a vague need or want, but even if the objective is clear you never have a clear path to it.
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>>306698
Do you spam these in my threads specifically because I'm Hungarian? I do not know any of these people.

>>306651
>I don't believe you are an ex-christian
Of course you don't
>le you were never really saved

>>306669
i nearly choked on the redpill when i realized that some people genuinely believe in rebirth and salvation.

>>306674
It's a mind virus. The issue is feeling like you need to be "saved" at all. No one is born feeling that way. they have to be told by religious people. Pure evil

>>306662
Common sense, but it breaks their minds. They will say anything to justify their belief no matter how nonsensical

>>306692
>No one is born feeling that way
not quite. they usually catch people when they are experiencing some significant hardships and somehow failure induces feelings of guilt and insecurity. the demons abuse it to convinces those poor people that they need to be saved by some dude who in all likelihood never even existed.

I don't think I'm ugly per se (I say this because I think a lot of people online will call themselves sub5 when they have no idea how horrible life actually is when people think you are ugly), but I have definitely felt a shift in how people treat me since loosing, and as a consequence shaving, my hair. I feel like a certain amount of goodwill that was there before no longer is. Mothers will regard me skeptically, sometimes with a little hostility when I walk past them and their kids. And yes, that situation you described at the grocery checkout or what have you, where the cashier is nice to everyone in front of you and suddenly isn't when it's your turn has happened to me too, many times. Again, I won't claim to know the full extent of what it's like to be ugly, I don't feel that I have been denied opportunities or anything because of it (though I still had hair back then, who knows).
But I think that the becoming public knowledge of these terms, looksmaxxing, mogging and what not will only lead to more overt bullying and such towards sub5s.

>>306678
I still recall I noticed this in my early twenties. I always had a feeling that this was my reality, but as I said I expected it not to be like that in the adult world.
Many a times in such queue situations at the doctors office and at government offices and the post office I'd stay behind in the waiting room and take note of how people interact.
What they said, how they said it, what reception and responses they received.

I thought I was just a turbo sperg and didn't notice my own retardation, but after trying to imitate normie way of communication it never helped.
So I had to conclude that it was only a difference in appearance.
My physical self as in my face and build as well as my clothing and belongings. Perhaps even my nasal voice on top of those.
No amount of eloquence or politeness changed anything. I'd reckon it made things worse.

Balding you mention is I feel where a lot of people will notice this. As you lose something you once had, become something regarded worse beyond your control.
I do notice at my workplace that the balding men are regarded as lesser or having more negative qualities no matter how they really act.
It's I guess instinctual for most people.
Hell I don't consider myself above this either, despite being quite ugly myself. I have caught myself judging people on looks alone too.
Oddly enough the initial (fake/made up) impression often matches reality.
Not always. It's rare for it not to.
I guess these people became bitter along with the decline or due to treatment they received. I can see that happening too. Maybe I'm like that too.

>But I think that the becoming public knowledge of these terms, looksmaxxing, mogging and what not will only lead to more overt bullying and such towards sub5s.
I dislike how it turned being ugly into a character flaw.
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>>306681
It was similarly shocking to me at first too. I always had a high forehead and a "mature" hairline, that was simply genetic. I didn't really notice it creeping back until I saw myself on a picture someone took of me a few years ago, which is when I decided to just shave it and be done with it. After all, it's just hair. However the "adult world" I expected seemed to care a lot more about this than I initially thought. And it definitely felt unfair. That I was being punished for genetics that I have no control over. And then what you mention the normie perception that being ugly is a choice or your own fault. There's definitely a strong push for men like me to hop on various medications or treatments, spending thousands for hair transplants and the like. It's all just profiting off of people's ostracization. Not necessarily their insecurity, as I believe a lot of that insecurity is bred by those people's surroundings. I think the pressure to keep up with this "looks inflation" is only increasing and many fold under it. Personally I think it's better to make your peace with your station in life (if you can) instead of desperately clinging to fulfilling standards that will change again at any time.
Normies generally have this belief that everyone gets theirs in life. Poor people are just lazy, ugly people must be unlikable and so on. They will blame things like "your vibe/energy" being too negative which then makes people react negatively to you. Even though as you correctly pointed out, most of those people came to be that exact way due to the negative experiences they've suffered at the hands of normies to begin with. Lookism is in a certain way natural, probably. We are wired to judge strangers as quickly as possible with as little information as possible. But there's a difference between natural and right. And despite normies all standing up for the thing "du jour" because it's just and right, they will gladly ignore their own misdeeds and claim to be righteous.
I have also noticed what you are saying though, younger generations being taller, more stylish, pretty etc. and generally more homogenized I think. The great dying out of subcultures in the 2010s is almost nearing completion it seems. It is not uncommon for me to see a group of young people where everyone has the exact same haircut, same outfits and so on. The pressures to conform are inPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

Not only that, but I've noticed that invasive cosmetic procedures are more normalized now.
I don't know if an average person is getting under the knife, considering how expensive it is, but I definitely see lots of discussion about cosmetic procedures like it's the most normal thing ever.
Even I got my dose of surgery shilling. I'm not balding, but my features definitely matured into less pleasant ones as I aged, and I asked AI how to fix that, with fashion or correct posture or something. This stupid clancker suggested me an invasive cosmetic surgery without asking. I was offended, to say the least.
And I'm not sure how normal it is, but I'm sure like 60% of succs or more are getting under the knife or get non-invasive treatments. My own mother gets injections due to her "aging" even though I tried to reassure her she looks perfectly fine for her age since she is not a lazy slob and lives a healthy and active life. But nooo, of course she has to drop thousands on some stupid lip filler. Anyway…
And men do it too with the normalization of looksmaxxing. You are a loser and have zero friends? Get a surgery, it's the answer to all of your questions!
I just hate how predatory it is.
People say you shouldn't get a surgery for others and only ro raise your own confidence, but really, most people getting surgeries are perfectly fine. Have you seen most before/after pics? Those people look mid as hell, yes, but nothing terrible. They probably were insecure as fuck and blamed something like a slightly oddly shaped nose on all of their life's problems. And of course then plastic surgeond jump in and suggest that their life sucks because of that "flaw."
It was understood before that cosmetic procedures were for truly ugly people like burn vicitims and people with birth defects, but now, having funky looking eyes is a legitimate reason to smash your skull into pieces and rearrange it again. Truly sickening.

>>306682
>Not necessarily their insecurity, as I believe a lot of that insecurity is bred by those people's surroundings.
I also believe this and anxiety in general is just adaptation to ones reality.
Somehow if a beaten abused dog behaves and reacts a certain way people understand this. If a person does so somehow the same connection is not made in the normie mind.

>Personally I think it's better to make your peace with your station in life (if you can) instead of desperately clinging to fulfilling standards that will change again at any time.
Agreed. Still. The bare minimum adjustments need to be made ie. don't have an offensive stench if you can help it and basics like that.
Aside from that everything else seems mostly futile.
Consuming oneself mentally is not worth the negligible or non-existent rewards.

I'm glad you pointed out the homogeneity of the youth. Might be rose tinted glasses, but during my youth 90's 00's and prior it seemed there was a lot more variance.
Maybe I'm just blind to the subtleties of the current trends.

To share something positive. People tend to hate on the "globohomo" digital serf future.
I for example benefited from becoming a "digital citizen" because now I can handle official forms without the in-person humiliation rituals. It's all automated and the form in the application doesn't care about my looks.
Of course there are many negatives regarding this which are beyond this thread/topic. Just wanted to point out that there are ways to navigate the world even if one is born less fortunate in terms of looks.
Maybe people can share similar tips or options/paths for other stuff.

>>306684
>Not only that, but I've noticed that invasive cosmetic procedures are more normalized now.
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>>305408
>I even volunteered for the Military and they told me to get lost.
How the fuck do you even get denied a military job? Even if you're a fat fuck they should give you some desk assignment or an in-base driver's gig.

>>305362
Same, I miss having so much free time to waste. Now that I'm a wageslave, free time is too precious to waste on small stuff. But I'm too tired after work and I have not enough free time for actual hobbies. So I do drugs sometimes, I crave intense sensation to make even for the uneventful hours spent at work. The drugs lead to even more desensitization. I just can't accept a mundane life.

>>305398
I wish I acted even more retarded when I was younger. Wish I was even more of a nuisance to my parents. Maybe then they would realise that there is something wrong with this kid, and take me to the shrink. But instead I allowed myself to get dragged into wageslavery. Now that I've displayed that I'm capable of working, the opportunity for tardbux is gone. But I'm not cut out for this shit. Just being outside drains me, and working on top of that - it takes like 110% of my daily energy. I try to recover on the weekends but it doesn't work that way.

I'm in a position right now where NEETing is not an option unfortunately. I miss being a NEET a lot also. The worst part is the job is in-person customer support. Every customer and co-worker I am forced to interact with reinforces my desire to self-isolate tenfold. It's gotten so bad I am using AI to try and cope with daily life. Nowadays I prompt it to give me a NEET scenario like an average day in my life back then so I can daydream. Don't know how much more of this I can take to be honest. It's only been 2 months…

>>306663
What kind of drugs do you do? I want something intense that makes me feel very good but won't fuck me up too much the next day. Any recommendations? I only ever drank alcohol, smoked cigarettes and very rarely weed.

>>306667
you should try dmt or some other psychedelic, they dont mess with your body physically.

I am the opposite of you, i have too much free time that i don't know what to do with it

>>305336
Hey, anon.

I don’t see a problem with sharing my experience with my only friend and how I see this world.

My friendship with him started in September 2020. I was 17, and he was 19.

I met him on a Discord server after he sent a message saying, “Today feels like a day I could put a knife to my neck,” right in the middle of a chat full of dumb jokes about school and love. When I read that, I just replied:
“Hey man, if you want to talk, send me a message. Some feelings hit harder because everything is still too recent, and it’s hard to see things clearly when you’re desperate.”

After that, we started talking about the usual stuff — anime, games, music, and things like that.

Over the years, our contact slowly faded. In a month, we exchange maybe five to twenty messages. Just enough to know if the other one is still alive or doing okay. For most people, this would mean “the friendship is over,” because there’s no real conversation anymore. But I don’t believe that. Friendships don’t die just because they change. They die when both people stop caring that the other exists.

Right now, we talk maybe once every three months. We send long messages about how life’s been going. It’s our way of giving each other a bit of hope in this sad world. I actually like it. We grew up, and the friendship grew up too.

As for my relationship with people in general: when I was a kid, I avoided human contact — not because I was scared or something, but because I just wasn’t interested. Drawing, math, and books felt way more interesting. I was distant from my family back then, and I still am. Maybe bullying affected me more than I noticed at the time.
My psychiatrist told me I have schizotypal personality disorder, which makes my depression worse. It sounds kind of ironic, since I work with culture and events and I’m always busy — sleeping three or four hours a night and working until late.

Going back to being distant from my family: at some point, I started to see human connections in terms of what they’re for. Some people are just there to say “hi,” “good afternoon,” or “good night.” Others notice you, point things out about you, and make you think later. And a lot of people only show up to say weird things that make you uncomfortable. You can’t really avoid any of this — it’s all part of being human.Post too long. Click here to view the full text.

I feel like I'm too retarded to socialize online. Somehow it requires even more social awarness than IRL. At least IRL people try to act polite and you can gauge their mood a bit, but online it's a different story.
I always get laughed out every online space I participated in, even ones full of fellow socially awkward spergs.

>>306479
Yeah, and IRL it's not that easy to be a dick, where most of the time it's crowded.

this is a problem of mine too i want to stop lurking

Okay, I tried Discord AGAIN, and I believe it's not for me.
The go-to advice for making friends is "just joing a niche hobby discord sub bro!"
It's all nice, but the biggest hurdle for me was the small talk and off topic discussions.
Basically, you are walled off from the most of the server until you prove you are a chill guy, and only then you are allowed to see the hidden channels.
I did just that, tried to build my cred on one of the servers by participating in some stupid bullshit discussion in the off topic chat only to find that nobody posts in the hidden channels (aka on-topic channels) and like 95% of discussion is some benign shit about the users' day or some latest meme or whatever.
I hate hate HATE that I have to participate in small talk, my sped brain hates small talk.
I tried the same strategy with different subs, even purely technical ones, but they are mostly dead and nobody talks there.
Just join discord, my ass.

>>306522
The idea is always more beautiful than the actual reality of being in the middle of nowhere.

Even an ultra-introvert like Unabomber couldn't take ir and you likely couldn't as well.

I tried for 18 months. It was shit.

The only reason to interact with people is the pursuit of a job or to reproduce. I don't need either of those things which makes the socializing game a completely useless waste of time and money.

>>306539
It's very easy to end up with delusional beliefs the more you isolate yourself.

>>306584
not really.

>>306584
true as fuck

>>306649
>>306649
If you're interested in improving yourself, quitting drugs and shit, little by little you'll do it. It's all an illusion, but that's not a bad thing. Keep going, OP. aro nou.

>There are days where i cant feel a god damned thing, it gets so numb and my vision goes blurry and i get dizzy and my memory starts cutting from scene to scene. I ask myself am i dead? I feel dead, i dont feel alive, this feels like some post mortum dream or purgatory, there isnt an ounce in my body in body that feels alive.

do you partake in drugs and alcohol? or psycho-active "medication"? if so, you most likely have substance-induced brain damage of some kind. unless you're just exaggerating to be poetic. ah, i see now - "i just took an edible" - just like i thought.

the thing about mental illness, is that the first layer is caused by a natural reaction to an unjust world that you're cognitively, physically, socially, economically etc. unequipped to deal with. because of this LACK, you develop symptoms in order to cope i.e. withdrawal, excessive worrying, magical thinking, perceptual biases of all kinds… other people, rather than giving you what you lack or fixing this goddamn world, they give you drugs that calm you down and make you tolerate your own negative reactions to the external world or numb you so completely that you don't feel a thing. the first trauma caused by being "treated" is usually a distrust of your own faculties, you no longer trust your own perception, thoughts, emotions etc. because they have been deemed as problematic by authority figures around you.

example:
being nervous around other people is ABNORMAL because of course no one would ever hurt you (reality is that the social world is quite dangerous and people do evil things out of pure boredom), so little timmy should just IGNORE his own instincts and go out there in the, ironically, quite dangerous world with no DEFENCES, and then if something bad happens, they either imagined it or it was their "over-sensitivity".

at this point, it might be hard to tell which are the natural reactions to the world and which are second-tier traumas caused by the "treatment". if substances are involved, then you might even have physical changes (read: damage) to your brain that can cause all kinds of problems on top of your existing suffering. of course, there are no refunds, the tape writer on your brain only goes forward so you can't unlearn things anymore, and physical changes are permanent.

so yeah, improvement is largely an illusion. there is no fixing you because you were born with an inherent lack, thePost too long. Click here to view the full text.

they complain because it works. they successfully got you to wageslave and unislave. some more complaining and they will get you to marry some succubus and shit out some grandchildren.

the trick is to actually just stop doing anything and endure their bullshit for a while until they realize it's not working and they leave you alone. become such a giant loser that they completely give up on you and they're ashamed to even talk about you to family (that's how you get out of social gatherings as well).

I had awful parents, they "complained" about everything and when I gave in and tried to adapt myself to them they would complain more, gaslight, change their story etc. Eventually I realised their goal was simply to torment and I broke off all contact. You might consider they are'nt being serious and just want to bully you, I've also heard of other people having similar parents to often calling them narcissists.

>>306595
why do you choose to be so blind?

>>306592
The internet censorship made me want to consume porn before it was all banned, which is still uncertain. It is more of an excuse than a reason

>It did make me reconsider if I really wanted "that" kind of stuff saved at the end of the day. Am I really that desperate to be a degenerate?

I thought about saving pictures to my hard drive, but realised that they served as just objects of lust, which I don't find value in. So I felt they didn't have any meaning and decided not to. That was my reasoning at least

It depends on why you are attached to them I suppose

I don't feel bad about it anymore, other people are addicted to far more harmful things than rubbing their stick to videos

Well no shit you are going to get addicted and do it all day and night if it's the only cope and form of escapism you have

last time I watched porn was several months ago. I have seemingly lost all capability or desire to feel pleasure, due to health problems. I wish I could still do this.

binge drinking recently broke me out of a pretty bad depressive episode.

>>305763
AFAIK, "carb heavy" foods differ in terms of digestion speed though.

>>305795
don't over-do.

>>304793
Do you follow this diet?

>>305499
Any authentically calm space will do. You don't always need to be on the floor to meditate, you know.