No.299415
>>299413search for ediable common plants and weeds nearby you if you ever reach the bottom level of poverty.
No.299426
Distant family member died. She was one year older than me. Fate should have chosen me for this instead. I wanted to die for over a decade anyways. Life is really just absolute random and find ways to torture us the worst way possible.
No.299427
>>299426>Life is really just absolute random and find ways to torture us the worst way possible.This truly seems like the main lesson and guiding principle of life
No.299438
What is going on with me? I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I feel so lost, dumb and groundless. I just watch reels all day to distract myself. I don't even feel hatred for people anymore. I understand nothing. I am like a leaf in the wind. I am going through life like an NPC. I have no spatial or social awareness. I kinda of feel okay.
I just don't know…
No.299441
>>299438Sounds like derealization or maybe depersonalization?
No.299465
I am having trouble remembering things and thinking clearly. i think i have creutzfeld jacob disease
No.299466
>>299465Most likely just brainfog induced by diet or stress. How well do you eat, sleep, and play?
No.299507
It really got out of hand, it being my ability to be around other humans. I can't fake it anymore, I can't mask anymore, my mind is constantly numb, fatigued, not working, I can't think clearly, I can't talk senseful. It's really over. During my 20s it kinda worked out but now in my early 30s it's really over. My mind is steadily bombarding me with thoughts that I should kill myself, I'm detached from 95% of material and 99% of social environment. At this point I would even just take any medication just to feel a difference. I'm always dreading life, I'm either anxious or feel nothing at all other than detachment and dissociation, feeling like I don't belong here, the whole reality feels empty and hostile. Except maybe a flowing river I guess.
No.299509
Today I managed to log into my old Skype account that I had as a teenager. (Looking back at everything before they delete it next month). Most chats were long gone but from the few that were still left I can tell I was just so much more vibrant and full of energy. I had a personality and online friends I would talk to all the time. Fastforward to now and I'm friendless, jobless, boring, tired and probably gonna end up as another suicide statistic. Where did it all go so wrong.
No.299515
>>299509Have you tried any of the retro revival IMs?
No.299516
>>299509I never used Skype cause when Skype was huge I was already friendless.
No.299524
>>299516Can't relate. I was always friendless in real life, but no matter the online game or platform my friend list always grew to hundreds.
And not even because I was active but because other people added me and wanted to talk.
If the internet didn't exist I would have had zero socialization for the last 20 years and probably be in some kind of a psychotic state.
No.299528
>>299515No??? Please explain to me what those are
No.299531
You ever catch yourself daydreaming about what by now should be a fantasy beyond your wildest dreams? Friends, love, etc oh man what the fuck most of the time and I mean truly most of the time I'm not bothered by such nonsense. It happens less than 3 times in a year, today it happened, roughly in line with 1/3 of the year having passed (wew time flies). I felt guilty and pathetic but in a way kinda relieved. A part of me says that makes me human, the other part fears the day that stops happening because it'd mean I'm truly beyond saving so I'd probably start doing "things" *wink*. How else would you hope to feel something when your mind and spirit are so far gone, that even if your imagination you can't envision yourself having remotely normal emotional needs and reactions, right? Like a omnivore animal that needs to change his diet right away if he wants to survive, I wonder if that's how it goes for other people, the point of no return..
No.299532
>>299531Rather sounds like you won the lottery if your mind doesn't bother you with this.
No.299544
>>299528You know how there's been a revival of Y2K culture? That extends to retrocomputing with kids getting into old OSes and software. People want to relive the glory days of the old web. Of course it's only a pale imitation.
No.299551
Just been really stressed lately about money. I'm a disabled neet so I got myself under budget billing with my heating and electric company. Right now my budget billing balance is near $500. Last year at the end of the yearly cycle I came out with a $0 bill at the end cause during the summer I was over paying by like $70-$100 a month. I really hope it'll be the same this year when summer rolls around cause right now whenever my heater kicks on I have a near panic attack over the idea of all that money I just can't afford.
No.299581
I am losing my fucming mind. I don't even have 100$ for my laptop. If I'll ask for loan they'll tell it to everybody. They'll laugh behind my back. They'll pity me like a dog. I have no health. I have no money. Dumb freak. Dumb freak. I regret everything.
No.299582
>>297968it's my birthday and ALL i think of is death and wanting to die, i have no future prospetcs, my family hates me and does not want to help me improve, i just need the money to purchase a dureable rope, and i will be done with this mess.
No.299585
>>299582For what it's worth wiz, happy birthday.
No.299588
Anhedonia makes everything pointless. No pleasure, no point.
No.299589
>>299582Happy birthday wiz. I hope something goes well for you soon.
No.299590
>>299581Same, I'm using a 2011 model, bought second hand in 2014 Thinkpad right now. When I got it I added an SSD, OEM version so I don't fucking know how it's actually doing health wise (apart from damaged sectors and 75k hours-of-use) because it's all custom values.
It's a special kind of feeling when you can't even afford simple stuff like this. Sometimes I feel joy when I hear of richfags fucking up ending as total poorfags or like the whole tariff talk as of late. Am I wrong? I don't think I am anymore.
>>299582Happy Birthday wizbro, always remember that this too shall pass. It's the only thing that brings me a modicum of comfort these days, pain isn't eternal..
No.299591
>>299590I get this. I grew up poor and am currently pretty poor since i'm disabled. I don't know why people gloat about being rich when all it takes is one small misstep and bam, you're disabled and now poor.
No.299595
>>299591Life isn't that fair. What happens is the rich disabled person receives more free financial assistance from his parents in a year than you will receive in 25 years of employment.
He will never go hungry or homeless.
No.299596
>>299590>>299589thank you, people.
No.299597
at my work place, there is a ~54 year old man.
that man's main hobby is toy plane flying.
he's always very cynical during meetings.
when i offered him help one time, the day after, he used some obscure internet greeting on me in chat, thinking i would understand.
when i asked "huh?", he excused himself, saying it was accidental.
i judge this as having been an attempt at socializing, by a socially awkward and lonely man.
something in me wants to not become what he is.
i see his unhappiness and other traits (he is short and nerdy and seemingly an internet person) that i identify with.
and something in me doesn't want this.
and ideas pop up into my mind to change my life, quit the internet and improve myself in various ways.
but whenever i did try such things in the past, i'd always fall back once adversaties arrived.
and so there's this dread of ending up like him.
you might say
>it's unwizardly to disparage against this man, why do you hate his life, is this not indicative of outsider normie attitudes
i wish that i could just be empathetic towards the man.
but instead, mainly, i see myself end up like him, unless i can kill myself or change my path.
No.299600
>>299597>why do you hate his lifebecause of your own lived experience that is miserable for you. some people here are blessed to be wired to forever enjoy browsing imageboards, watching anime and playing games. for most of us, the hedonic treadmill catches up eventually and we become stuck. too intimidated by starting something new but extremely bored by what we know. it is natural to see someone who is at the tail end of such a life and project yourself into his position. not only do you know for yourself you wouldn't like such a life but you can plainly see that he is a broken shell himself. your feelings toward your life are valid wiz. good luck in finding something new to live for.
No.299602
>>299600thanks for the advice.
i think just a vain attempt to gain a non-internet life will not set me free.
especially not with this attitude:
>i cannot under any circumstance become like the guy at my workplacei would still be short, for one.
i project my misery of being short onto other guys at my work that do not present themselves as nerdy or socially awkward.
they're still cynical, and i dread becoming like them.
i might have to try harder at escaping into the present moment.
No.299603
>>299597Don't try to change yourself. Accept what you're. Fuck that prick. Don't feel guilty about your feelings.
No.299604
>>299602I'm not really in any position to give advice, as I am in a similar situation in terms of my outlook. However, sounds like you have a healthy amount of self awareness. I have also had these thoughts plenty of times, that my life will become worth living once I simply get rid of all this addicting technology that is keeping me stuck. It took me a couple of tries to realize that I am not miserable because of my technology use, moreso I use technology because life outside of it is miserable and draining and there was nothing I had to live for "out there" so I ended up here.
I think it's healthy to keep in mind that in any case you will not suddenly skip all the way to some forever happy end in which you are just grateful and content every day of your life. But just finding something to enjoy again, those small little moments where you feel like it might be okay to keep going, that is a worthwhile endeavor for its own sake.
No.299607
There are days when the loneliness becomes unbearable, and I start thinking of my parents whom I normally curse for giving birth to me. Neither ever had a lot of friends, so I can *kind of* see where theyre coming from. Imagine waking up one day and realizing full force "oh shit 50 more years of this uhhh". Wouldnt I do the same? Wouldnt YOU do the same? This is assuming you/we can in first place of course as things are we cannot(reproduce, not that I want to either), but hypothetically speaking, would you condemn a soul to a world of misery only so you could stave that loneliness for a bit?
No.299609
>>299607>There are days when the loneliness becomes unbearableme too, and it gets much worse at night
No.299612
So I went for a walk and later I went to this pizza place in town and I tried to order a pizza but I was exhausted and I sounded exhausted and there were many people around and they heard my voice and they all looked at me like a freak or dangerous person especially the succubi and they went out of the way and looked at me with disgust and I was standing there completely dissociating and derealizing and then this stupid fucking cunt of a female seller asked me after I ordered a small piece of pizza if I actually wanted a small one and I was already fucking out of the situation and somehow said yes small with an increasingly panicking voice and she looks at me with fear and disgust in her eyes and she seems annoyed and acts as if I have bothered her to an insulting threatening degree then I heard several succubi talking about me how I was scary and that something feels wrong and after what felt like a million years they finally had the pizza ready and somehow I managed to pay it grab it and go. Never will go to the place again. Rarely felt something so hostile and unwelcome and making me feel like a freak.
No.299614
>>299612Don't overthink it. Realize w/o/men are less than stupid children and the taking seriously of their reactions to you is therefore one of the worst mistakes you can make. We (sensitive wizards) have all suffered through situations like these at whatever recent or older points in our lives. They are painful yes, but the longer and more wisely you live the less and less their memory will persist in your mind as you begin to understand just how worthless such scornful people are.
No.299615
>>299612damn youre down bad
No.299616
I remembered the post one guy made on here showing some kind of underground basement with only a PC and a super low ceiling and saying he ended up like this and begging god to kill him. At the time, i was wondering how it was possible to end like that. Now I am an illness-ridden hardcore dying junkie almost-hobo with my whole so called family hating me, countless debts and possible prison time hanging over my head, my chest hurts every day and i think i have heart failure. Now I guess I know. That you can lose everyone and everything and if u won't pull the trigger u will regret it and that's how it ends.
No.299618
>>299616How did you amass those debts? Are you the hammer retaliation guy?
No.299621
>>299616Damn wiz, what did you do to get the possible prison time hanging over you? Hope for the best.
No.299632
>>299507I'm also very detached from this life and this world. When I encounter other people, I can make a little bit of small talk and I can recite my lines, but I only have a few short minutes worth of chitchat I can deploy before I run out of things to say and the awkward silence begins. Not that I really care much these days as I don't really feel bad about the silence and I don't care how uncomfortable others are with silence.
>I'm always dreading life, I'm either anxious or feel nothing at all other than detachment and dissociation, feeling like I don't belong hereI know that feel, wiz. I don't really feel like I belong on this planet either. I often feel like my existence is some sort of unplanned cosmic anomaly, a random mistake, but not nearly a big enough mistake for anyone to try to fix it or even care at all so I'm just stuck here until I die. I'm sort of making peace with it, however. Given how shitty this world is, I'm actually pretty relieved that I don't belong here and I see death as a potentially permanent release from this hell. Sure, I have the instinctual fear of death like anyone else, but I'm attempting to work past that so I can fully embrace the end when it comes.
No.299633
>>299614Thank you, I mean I am level 32 wiz and live with phases of dissociation for a decade but it's sometimes still good to remind yourself that these kinds of situations are common among posters here and the solidarity. Normally I either avoid such situations completely or I only do it when I'm mentally fit and on point, but in that case it was a spontaneous idea and the moment I came too close to the place I realised what I have done but it was kind of too late. Hey, at least I got my pizza I guess.
No.299637
>>297968Anyone know where this comic is from?
No.299640
>>299637It's from schizo by Ivan_Brunetti. The guy is a real neurotic and pretty funny at times (and sad). I posted it because i wanted to share this feeling , i guess many felt this way at a point in their lives. I know i did.
No.299649
>>299640Yeah it's very relatable, unfortunately. I've heard Ivan Brunetti's name before but I never really checked out his comics, guess this is a sign. Anyways, thanks for the source. I tried doing a reverse image search on google, bing, yandex, tinyeye, etc. and none of them could tell me where it was from.