/dep/ - Depression

I have no idea how i survived into my mid forties. Crazy. Maximum suffering mode i guess

The contrast between getting dopamine all day from the internet and the sudden silence when I go to bed is harrowing. All the bickering posts, youtube video voices, even sentiments of fellow depressed misanthrophy on wizchan was the entire world in my mind. Then I turn off the pc and it's all gone. I am just a lump of flesh in the cold quiet darkness that is aging and slowly withering to a death, upon which the darkness will be perfectly complete.

>>308346
yeah i feel this too

for me i have days even weeks sometimes where i come alive and get obsessed with working on a project or get addicted to a game that makes me excited to get out of bed.

Then something happens. A weird new pain in my body will start bothering me, then it distracts me and i start losing focus and can't enjoy the project/game anymore… then i start ruminating and imagining all the negativity in my life and the world and i fall straight back into the darkness… it's Sisyphean and so jarring how quickly it can come and go. It's like I can't track how I get back here every time.

>>308346
and do you ever try to face the silence during the day?

sometimes i get sick of the bickering voices filling my head from podcasts and youtube and i take a break during the day… it's even more harrowing than at night because i am asking myself "OKAY NOW WHAT DO I DO?" when i stop distracting At least at night i know the answer is "try to sleep"