No.310904
Hesitation is defeat edition. There is no running away.
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>>309794 No.310905
Looks like my hesitation to write my magnum opus has been eradicated. Thanks.
No.310906
I def hesitated many times in my life when it mattered like getting a job when i was much younger, asking for help for mental state. Shit just pilles up and eventually you have to face it. It's hard. I don't blame anyone for running. I did.
No.310907
>>310904i grew up spoiled so i never developed any sense of urgency to do anything. even after i graduated college, i just did "nothing." Now im halfway to 36 and i rot at a desk as an overnight security guard.
this job is too comfortable to leave
No.310934
I tried way too hard on trying to befriend some people/normalfags I barely have anything in common with; it simply doesn't cut it. I always end up angry upon realizing they did things and weren't called out, or when I have to afford listening to their retarded normal-nigger takes, or when they try to act smug and end up looking like idiots.
They're basically behaving niggers and I'm the total opposite.
No.311100
I've been having mild hallucinations of voices and images for quite some time now. After a long time the entire hallucination shifts as you notice the patterns and notice it in real time.
The voices and images are still disgusting but you become less bothered by it.
No.311121
>>311011yea thats why i always stay jobbin never jobnt
No.311125
The sense of physical disintegration is intense lately. My teeth are eroding like sandstone under acid rain. The ache in my head never goes away. I often jolt awake panicked and gasping for air. It's hard to imagine living another 30 or 40 years like this.
No.311172
Anyone else feel like they live in the Boomer World Order? In New Zealand you go to the cafes and its nothing but giga rich boomers living it large on $40 breakfasts, all the serving staff are indians. Meanwhile there's like a 20% youth unemployment rate and entry level single bedroom rentals are like $400 a week. Minimum wage is $740 after tax mind you.
I feel like the only thing propping up consumer spending is the liquidation of elderly wealth. We are very poor here now.
No.311178
>>311172Dude you live in New Zealand so that's hardly going to be representative of other places - it's a given that young Kiwis have to move to Oz to find work
I'm on the other side of the planet and even I know that fact of life
No.311179
>>311172I'd rather be poor in New Zealand that poor in this shithole that also wants me dead. Cafe? Nigger I can't go out to buy groceries, the pigs and the mtnnappers lurk around the corner. Appreciate what you have you kiwi
No.311194
>>311172It's like this everywhere, old people are starting wars and sending young to die. They live in nice places, have the most wealth and could give less of a fuck about younger generation. They treat younger gens like complete incompetent shits that don't deserve anything, i'll never fucking give these assholes grandkids, fuck em all
No.311195
>>311194even though the world will not be destroyed, it has been a normal thing for a long time
after all
>i'll never fucking give these assholes grandkids, fuck em allI suspect you’re a succubus go to crystal.cafe miss
>I’m a femboy, so it’s not an issue. No.311196
>>311195>I’m a femboy, so it’s not an issue.So you are the servant of those old people in maid clothes
No.311197
>>311195Stupid faggot, I don't want sex or claim to want any, I said I just won't be giving them grandkids which I could achieve by In vitro fertilization. That doesn't require sex or me being a succubus or with a succubus.
No.311308
>>311125>>311144I suffer permanent pain too.
I've been thinking lately about how all this suffering only makes sense for some mysterious purpose in the afterlife.
Maybe the human being is completely empty at birth, the body then 'grows' a soul.
At death the Sovereign of Reality harvests the soul, and puts it in an appropiate place in the afterlife.
No.311310
>>311199goodbye my brother in wizardy…
goodbye.
No.311321
Airports and air travel is so fucking painful.
No.311324
i hate hearing myself talk to other people, it reminds me of how stupid i am
No.311332
>>311329This world was never ours to begin with
No.311334
>>311329I have never had anything of worth to be replaced. If AI can drag everyone to my level then why not? Unfortunately it'll most likely turn out to be underwhelming.
No.311380
>>311342For the fun of it.
The biggest issue is that it is not fun for us, it's puppets. But the observer is ever entertained. And even without entertainment it is perfectly content to just (not) exist.
It doesn't really go through anything, it's immovable and unchanging, just 'feels' and 'watches' the puppet theater. It's fun to observe puppets squeal from suffering as their limbs get torned off and their heads get melted with hot lead.
No.311415
>>311414Your mom cares enough about you to spend her days walking you around to doctors to try to help you, and you tell her to shut up when she makes small talk… You sound like a neurotic little twat, to be honest.
>she gets mad and stop talking to meKeep acting like that and eventually she'll get made and stop financially supporting you.
No.311417
>>311415>Your mom cares enough about youThe thing is, she can't make up for making me fucked up mentally and physically just by giving me the double amount of attention, love, or any other thing which an average son would normally receive, it's not how it works and it makes me mad that she probably will never understand this.
She also failed me in my upbringing and I have to pay the price for this by waking up sad because of my body for the rest of my life, until the day I die. And I can't even complain about what I'm talking here with her because I would feel pathetic doing so.
Don't get me wrong, I love her, but whenever a situation leads me to reflect about these matters, I start boiling with hate. I tried to start a conversation with her afterwards, out of guilt, but she didn't engage on it.
>she'll get made and stop financially supporting youI can't live for myself but I'm too functional to get neetbux where I live. If she kicks me out, it will be the same as pushing me towards my death.
No.311419
>>311417>The thing is, she can't make up for making me fucked up mentally and physically just by giving me the double amount of attention, love, or any other thing which an average son would normally receive, it's not how it works and it makes me mad that she probably will never understand this.I doubt there's a mother alive who understands this, probably one of the blind spots of being a mother
Everyone's just going to tell you she did the best she could which might even be true
No.311423
>>311414You do sound like a bitch wizzie.
>hating on loving motherI was like you once. Bad mistake. You gonna weep like a motherfucker once she is dead and her love is nowhere to be found for all eternity.
No.311428
>>311423It's not like he wants to hate her it's just how things are
As for what you say you do realize the fact that the only love he's ever going to have coming from the mother who ruined his life is a pretty grim state of affairs no matter how you want to look at it
No.311430
>>311428>who ruined his life What if he just thinks this way because he needs a scapegoat?
I did that too. I am a late child, parents were 37 when I was born, and they divorced right after. I was angry at that because I had no father figure, blamed my mother. Come to think of it, I never once in my life said I love you or showed her any kind of support. Only when she died I realized her importance, but too late now.
Unless she specifically abused that wizard, which doesn't seem to be the case from what he said, I don't think he should shift the blame or even to play this blame game. Life sucks? Change it. Can't change it? Adapt to it and let go.
No.311434
>>311430Ask any parent who managed to raise a successful child whether through luck or skill and they shouldn't be afraid to say that your mother and his failed at parenthood (this isn't personal) unless the bar for success is set so low any noncriminal counts as a success
You can feel regret over the only mother you'll ever have but that doesn't change the reality of the situation - many mothers never say I love you to their children either
Neglect amounts to the same thing and many parents show no care in fostering their children's innate interests as opposed to forcing things on them
Imagine you were a succubus or alternatively got a bitch pregnant the kid would probably grow up and feel the same way about you
No.311439
>>310904I've no energy to things around.
No.311440
>>311439Turn things around** (misclick)
No.311472
Discovered that one famous journalist was editing Wikipedia, his article was nominated for deletion 3 months ago. I wikimailed him, he said the nominator has been just recently banned by him on Facebook. What a coincidence. I tried to save e-mail the correct way (for myself), but Gmail on Android lacks features. Initial 197 beats per minute turned to 176 after I measured again after 2 minutes. If you have doubts, it's better to measure again.
No.311520
>>311517At least you tried man, at least you tried. That's better than what I could say.
No.311595
Why do I exist if nobody cares about anything I do? Oh that right, because my mom wanted another try at having a daughter, and when that didn't happen my parents left me completely directionless in life by doing the bare minimum.
No.311601
>>311599thanks wizanon, you too. :')
No.311605
>>311603Why do you think /ausneet/ was a board for years back on 8chan?
No.311746
I'm so dysfunctional I can't even call myself lazy anymore. I just lack any semblance of self control. It's a good thing I didn't grow up somewhere with drugs around or I'd have ended up tweaking on the street.
No.311750
Got hit by a car a couple of months ago. Nose got broken pretty bad and some teeth have been messed up. I've been left with some relatively bad scars on my face. The worst part was that while I was sitting in the hospital bed I didn't feel anything. Absolute listlessness. There's nothing that I missed, nothing that I looked forward to. It reminded me of The Stranger and how the main character believes he'd get used to living in the trunk of a dead tree with nothing to do but look at the sky.
I don't even feel like a real person. I'm just waiting to die because I can't even find the energy, or courage, to kill myself.
Sorry for another boring blogpost. There's no one IRL that I can tell this stuff to.
No.311784
>>311750>I'm just waiting to die because I can't even find the energy, or courage, to kill myself.>courageI've postponed my hanging several times now and I'm always like: some unexpected stuff happened I will surely do it next month. I'm wondering if I'm actually delusional. Anyway I'm completely done with life and I'm ready to go now.
No.311786
>>311784>some unexpected stuff happened I will surely do it next month.But
moooom, I can't do the dishes now; I'm trying to kill myself!
No.311789
Adderall is the only thing keeping me from killing myself at this point
No.311841
Nobody is coming to save you but you cannot save yourself there. The only thing left to do is to suffer.
No.311845
Humans live for too long.