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Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread
I posted in the otherone and no wonder it did not get bumped we needed a new one. life sucks I am watching some anime and not really enoying it I miss being able to actually enjoy things even music just sounds like noise to me I hate it all. Looking forward to trying to get some heroin this week hopefully I OD
The security guard at my school hates me for some reason (I'm homeless) yesterday I think I overheard him talking about me saying, "I have no pity for that kind of person," so obviously he's classified me which makes me feel shitty. The dude is also incredibly close-minded and reactionary so it's unsurprising
>>236501
Security guards don't like smelly homeless people coming in to use the bathrooms to wash. Who would have guessed?
Security guards don't like smelly homeless people coming in to use the bathrooms to wash. Who would have guessed?
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>>236503
I bathe at the gym, asshole. You're a lot like him, lol. I literally come into the building to study/view entertainment occasionally.
I bathe at the gym, asshole. You're a lot like him, lol. I literally come into the building to study/view entertainment occasionally.
>>236505
Sure you do, just a homeless guy roided out at the gym. Do you even lift bro am I right?
Sure you do, just a homeless guy roided out at the gym. Do you even lift bro am I right?
>>236507
The reason for your doubt alludes me. The gym is only $21 a month (shower, temp. shelter,) my public storage unit up the street is only $27 a month (I store everything not necessary; sleeping bag, etc.) and it's all right next to my school, so this smelly homeless guy is probably living better than you, lol. The most I pay for food for a day is $3 if I HAVE to, and usually I just raid the food pantry in the school or wherever I can get it.
The reason for your doubt alludes me. The gym is only $21 a month (shower, temp. shelter,) my public storage unit up the street is only $27 a month (I store everything not necessary; sleeping bag, etc.) and it's all right next to my school, so this smelly homeless guy is probably living better than you, lol. The most I pay for food for a day is $3 if I HAVE to, and usually I just raid the food pantry in the school or wherever I can get it.
Saying that you need to embrace suffering, struggle for improvement, get a job and healthy lifestyle is like saying you need money to buy a house or you need to eat to stop being hungry. It's stating the obvious that everybody knows. It's like saying just be happy when you're depressed. It's not helpful at all. I don't get how such posters even end up here.
im going to channel a spell of destruction that is fueled only by own hate and have it blow up and destroy the entire universe
>>236513
You don't need to do anything but if you don't plan on killing yourself in the near future then it is a good thing to get used to suffering and to try to improve yourself.
People here let themselves get too soft. They need to be reminded that power is everything in this world and that existence is a constant competition. Some posters here are so far down the drain that they believe that their weakness is a virtue. I don't know whether it is sad or funny.
You don't need to do anything but if you don't plan on killing yourself in the near future then it is a good thing to get used to suffering and to try to improve yourself.
People here let themselves get too soft. They need to be reminded that power is everything in this world and that existence is a constant competition. Some posters here are so far down the drain that they believe that their weakness is a virtue. I don't know whether it is sad or funny.
>>236508
>Usually I just steal food
I can go for a shower any time I want, sleep in a warm bed and people don't ask me why I look like road kill.
>Usually I just steal food
I can go for a shower any time I want, sleep in a warm bed and people don't ask me why I look like road kill.
>>236516
You are a very contemptuous person, and I'm not your therapist so go fuck yourself. I feel sorry for anybody that has to deal with you
You are a very contemptuous person, and I'm not your therapist so go fuck yourself. I feel sorry for anybody that has to deal with you
>>236516
Enjoy it while you have it. Fate can take it away at any time and leave you crippled and miserable
Enjoy it while you have it. Fate can take it away at any time and leave you crippled and miserable
>>236516
Why are you here spending your time trying to make other people feel bad? You are showing yourself as a more degenerate and detestable person than the person you're mocking.
Why are you here spending your time trying to make other people feel bad? You are showing yourself as a more degenerate and detestable person than the person you're mocking.
Do you think wizchan will still exist in 10 years from now?
If not can we get a regroup bunker setup? I don't want to lose you guys. :(
If not can we get a regroup bunker setup? I don't want to lose you guys. :(
>>236513
Getting even a part time job is pretty difficult though if you're autistic. People generally hate spergs and want them dead, why would anyone hire them? The answer is that nobody does.
I hate that this site has become so normified that the improvebruhs are now regularly invading /dep/ and spreading their nonsense about how self-improvement is universal and works no matter what.
To them I say fuck off.
Getting even a part time job is pretty difficult though if you're autistic. People generally hate spergs and want them dead, why would anyone hire them? The answer is that nobody does.
I hate that this site has become so normified that the improvebruhs are now regularly invading /dep/ and spreading their nonsense about how self-improvement is universal and works no matter what.
To them I say fuck off.
>>236530
>>236515
No, you come here because you find joy in harassing poor souls and sucking from their grief like a vampire. You're the evil impersonated and pretend you're here for a honorable cause. You're probably honestly thinking you're doing the people a favor here and don't realize that you only want to feel a little bit of power in your sad life.
I'm tired of leading this conservation. You fucking won. I will not respond back. Have fun in believing you're the winner in this. Because winning and losing is the only thing that matters to people like you so you went here were you can win against the lowest of lows. Congrats.
>>236515
No, you come here because you find joy in harassing poor souls and sucking from their grief like a vampire. You're the evil impersonated and pretend you're here for a honorable cause. You're probably honestly thinking you're doing the people a favor here and don't realize that you only want to feel a little bit of power in your sad life.
I'm tired of leading this conservation. You fucking won. I will not respond back. Have fun in believing you're the winner in this. Because winning and losing is the only thing that matters to people like you so you went here were you can win against the lowest of lows. Congrats.
I'm trying to learn programming (Java) using an online course I found, I find it entertaining but sometimes it becomes too hard, and this is only the basics, I have no idea how people even manage to learn enough to make those big and shiny one person projects on github, they all look like absolute geniuses to me.
I wonder if I will ever learn enough to have even an absolute bottom code monkey tier job somewhere.
I wonder if I will ever learn enough to have even an absolute bottom code monkey tier job somewhere.
>>236539
Schoolfaggot, here. I would recommended going to school. Being around smart people, professors, and the right itinerary will make everything smoother and easier than doing it manually. Getting certified in even small ways is also extremely helpful as that is what colors your resume.
Schoolfaggot, here. I would recommended going to school. Being around smart people, professors, and the right itinerary will make everything smoother and easier than doing it manually. Getting certified in even small ways is also extremely helpful as that is what colors your resume.
>>236541
I already went to school in something totally unrelated, it was hell but at least the degree was cheap/free.
I'm not going back there, I either "git gud" on my own or I drop it.
I already went to school in something totally unrelated, it was hell but at least the degree was cheap/free.
I'm not going back there, I either "git gud" on my own or I drop it.
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>>236539
Honestly, it's probably easier write your own virtual machine and assembly language to learn programming. Try recreating something like a 6502 to your own tastes.
Honestly, it's probably easier write your own virtual machine and assembly language to learn programming. Try recreating something like a 6502 to your own tastes.
>>236539
Starting from scratch with Java probably isn't a good idea, you should probably learn the basics with a procedural language like C and then move on to OOP. I'm not saying you can't but it'll probably make your life easier.
Starting from scratch with Java probably isn't a good idea, you should probably learn the basics with a procedural language like C and then move on to OOP. I'm not saying you can't but it'll probably make your life easier.
What do you make of the following. Do you think his complaint is appropriate? I can't believe it. Sounds like a spoiled child. From sanctioned suicide of all places.
"Who's like me?
Have every physical thing you need to live a very comfortable life.. and more.
Have the ability and money to do anything you might want to do (go to any school, travel, hobbies, good jobs, etc..)
Have a family that loves you and supports you.
A perfect life.
But with all of that you miss stuff that are kinda important.
The ability to be satisfied.
The ability to care.
The ability to love.
You're basically a plant. You have everything, you want to do everything (and you can) and you want to feel. But everything you do doesn't satisfy you. You get all the bad without any of the good. You want to enjoy the view but a second later you just stare at it and feel nothing.
You want to die not because you had a shitty life or you have depression or feel bad about yourself. You want to die simply because you understand there is nothing this world can offer that will make you feel anything.
Just wondering… Surely I'm not the only one.. Right? :)
BTW.. I'm 20."
"Who's like me?
Have every physical thing you need to live a very comfortable life.. and more.
Have the ability and money to do anything you might want to do (go to any school, travel, hobbies, good jobs, etc..)
Have a family that loves you and supports you.
A perfect life.
But with all of that you miss stuff that are kinda important.
The ability to be satisfied.
The ability to care.
The ability to love.
You're basically a plant. You have everything, you want to do everything (and you can) and you want to feel. But everything you do doesn't satisfy you. You get all the bad without any of the good. You want to enjoy the view but a second later you just stare at it and feel nothing.
You want to die not because you had a shitty life or you have depression or feel bad about yourself. You want to die simply because you understand there is nothing this world can offer that will make you feel anything.
Just wondering… Surely I'm not the only one.. Right? :)
BTW.. I'm 20."
>>236567
Seems like an ironic copypasta, but the antidote to this existential dread is just keeping occupied w/ hobbies/studying/working. My intrusive thoughts become very overpowering when I vegetate.
Seems like an ironic copypasta, but the antidote to this existential dread is just keeping occupied w/ hobbies/studying/working. My intrusive thoughts become very overpowering when I vegetate.
>>236567
Smug as hell but beyond all that I sympathize with him since he feels empty.
Makes sense, the suicide rate for the richest people is just as high or higher than for the poorest people in most studies.
It's like everyone else is fighting and struggling to achieve their goals, get to the top, become rich, become whatever.
A minority of people finally get there, or are handed such a life on a silver platter by their parents, and realize even with everything they're still unhappy and depressed with this hollow existence.
Perhaps chasing the carrot your entire life gets you nowhere.
I can imagine a typical depressed wizard winning a lottery for 2 million dollars. At first he is ecstatic but quickly he returns to his regular thoughts. How everything is pointless, all that crap they bought is unnecessary and that pain is just as painful. And your health deteriorates all the same. And at the end you die regardless of the size of your coffers.
Smug as hell but beyond all that I sympathize with him since he feels empty.
Makes sense, the suicide rate for the richest people is just as high or higher than for the poorest people in most studies.
It's like everyone else is fighting and struggling to achieve their goals, get to the top, become rich, become whatever.
A minority of people finally get there, or are handed such a life on a silver platter by their parents, and realize even with everything they're still unhappy and depressed with this hollow existence.
Perhaps chasing the carrot your entire life gets you nowhere.
I can imagine a typical depressed wizard winning a lottery for 2 million dollars. At first he is ecstatic but quickly he returns to his regular thoughts. How everything is pointless, all that crap they bought is unnecessary and that pain is just as painful. And your health deteriorates all the same. And at the end you die regardless of the size of your coffers.
>"18yo doomers"
>teenage crabs
>r9k tourists
>20yo """wizards"""
Wizchan 2021 Now this makes me depressed
>teenage crabs
>r9k tourists
>20yo """wizards"""
Wizchan 2021 Now this makes me depressed
a long time ago a guy named f scott fitzgerald wrote a book called the great gatsby, and his point was that in america there are no second chances. and it really seems like to me everything i do to sustain myself and my liveliehood is just to escape previous bad decisions and missed opportunities. and i am completely conscious of all the ways i can fuck up, and if i do just one of them i am screwed. there is so much people in the work force and so much competition that you really cant afford to let your guard down or trust people, so i feel like i am skating on thin ice a lot and it sucks
We should learn how to isolate emotions via precise chemical introduction into the brain. Could you imagine? The ability to spontaneously feel every type of human emotions imaginable? I'm sure pleasurable emotions would win the popularity contest, but even emotions of horror or embarrassment can be felt at the click of a button. Why are scientists not working on cool shit? I should bride all of Elon Musk's employees to clique with me instead and offer them infinite pleasure in my emotion chambers for them and their families whenever desired
>>236573
As much as I'd love to have my very own Penfield Mood Organ, the possible (ab)uses for such a technology are manifold, and would ultimately strip us of the ability to feel anything outside of a narrow range of emotions (in effect making us the perfect worker drones).
As much as I'd love to have my very own Penfield Mood Organ, the possible (ab)uses for such a technology are manifold, and would ultimately strip us of the ability to feel anything outside of a narrow range of emotions (in effect making us the perfect worker drones).
>>236567
I love it when weak normgroids kill themselves. Let them continue to die off, and let us TRULY struggling wizards inherit the earth they leave behind.
I love it when weak normgroids kill themselves. Let them continue to die off, and let us TRULY struggling wizards inherit the earth they leave behind.
>>236573
Isn't that what they always try to do and always fails? You know legal drugs by the doctors and illegal drugs and shit
Isn't that what they always try to do and always fails? You know legal drugs by the doctors and illegal drugs and shit
How unlikely am I to get a gun license if I've been committed before for suicide ideation? This was over 10 years ago in a heavy gun-control state. What if I moved to a state with extremely lax gun laws?
Feel a strong recurring urge to leave my minimum wage job and walk around Europe aimlessly for a while and living as poorly as possible. Not sure if it's just my brain trying to urge me into a position where suicide becomes easier to accept, or if it's some kind of purifying motive.
>>236612
Europe is over run with criminals from the third world. You will end up beaten and dead.
Europe is over run with criminals from the third world. You will end up beaten and dead.
Feels like my life has already ended but I'm still somehow here. Like I was not supposed to get this far.
I've spent my entire adult life trapped in a completely unlivable stressful living situation and there isn't a single person on earth who cares that could help me. Just constant stress of living with parents who are abusive and toxic people and the world offers me nothing but shitty minimum wage or near minimum wage jobs that aren't enough to pay rent. I don't have a college degree and I have a learning disability and mental illness that made trying to succeed in school absolute hell for me. I barely graduated high school and the teachers all treated me like a scum criminal for being there and accused me of being lazy for not getting good test scores.
I haven't had any friends since I was 15 years old and I'm almost 27. No escape from this except to sit on the computer all day and try to dissociate from reality, and then I am judged in the world for my actions. For trying to not suffer endless stress. Obviously I spend most of my time in my room, it's not good outside of my room. It's complete hell and the people who claim to have empathy for others really only care about abstract people the TV tells them to care about. My older brother is a millionaire with a high paying tech job and knows that I'm stuck in this situation and have been suicidal and he doesn't care. Meanwhile he joins the DSA and talks about socialism and helping the needy. What a joke.
I haven't had any friends since I was 15 years old and I'm almost 27. No escape from this except to sit on the computer all day and try to dissociate from reality, and then I am judged in the world for my actions. For trying to not suffer endless stress. Obviously I spend most of my time in my room, it's not good outside of my room. It's complete hell and the people who claim to have empathy for others really only care about abstract people the TV tells them to care about. My older brother is a millionaire with a high paying tech job and knows that I'm stuck in this situation and have been suicidal and he doesn't care. Meanwhile he joins the DSA and talks about socialism and helping the needy. What a joke.
>>236619
Contact the local media about your story. Millionaire leaves disabled sibling to rot while preaching how he wants to help the poor is 100% the type of story they would eat up. You could make a lot of money burying him in the media.
Contact the local media about your story. Millionaire leaves disabled sibling to rot while preaching how he wants to help the poor is 100% the type of story they would eat up. You could make a lot of money burying him in the media.
>>236620
He isn't famous at all. He's just a six figure tech employee who has made some money on investments as well.
He isn't famous at all. He's just a six figure tech employee who has made some money on investments as well.
I'm autistic and homeless, but nobody wants to help me get out of this situation. I seriously think I will die within the next few months. This shit is fucked. Hope my death is at least painless.
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So weak and emotional. One small negative social interaction and mental break.
I just quit 4chan and I plan on quitting here too
>you're here forever
I am, which is why if it gets bad I will block the domain on my router. I just can't take it anymore, I need to do something else.
Thank you all for the stories that I've read and listened here, I know some never gets replies but I have read them.
>you're here forever
I am, which is why if it gets bad I will block the domain on my router. I just can't take it anymore, I need to do something else.
Thank you all for the stories that I've read and listened here, I know some never gets replies but I have read them.
I work all day, and get half-drunk at night.
Waking at four to soundless dark, I stare.
In time the curtain-edges will grow light.
Till then I see what’s really always there:
Unresting death, a whole day nearer now,
Making all thought impossible but how
And where and when I shall myself die.
Arid interrogation: yet the dread
Of dying, and being dead,
Flashes afresh to hold and horrify.
The mind blanks at the glare. Not in remorse
—The good not done, the love not given, time
Torn off unused—nor wretchedly because
An only life can take so long to climb
Clear of its wrong beginnings, and may never;
But at the total emptiness for ever,
The sure extinction that we travel to
And shall be lost in always. Not to be here,
Not to be anywhere,
And soon; nothing more terrible, nothing more true.
This is a special way of being afraid
No trick dispels. Religion used to try,
That vast moth-eaten musical brocade
Created to pretend we never die,
And specious stuff that says No rational being
Can fear a thing it will not feel, not seeing
That this is what we fear—no sight, no sound,
No touch or taste or smell, nothing to think with,
Nothing to love or link with,
The anaesthetic from which none come round.
And so it stays just on the edge of vision,
A small unfocused blur, a standing chill
That slows each impulse down to indecision.
Most things may never happen: this one will,
And realisation of it rages out
In furnace-fear when we are caught without
People or drink. Courage is no good:
It means not scaring others. Being brave
Lets no one off the grave.
Death is no different whined at than withstood.
Slowly light strengthens, and the room takes shape.
It stands plain as a wardrobe, what we know,
Have always known, know that we can’t escape,
Yet can’t accept. One side will have to go.
Meanwhile telephones crouch, getting ready to ring
In locked-up offices, and all the uncaring
Intricate rented world begins to rouse.
The sky is white as clay, with no sun.
Work has to be done.
Postmen like doctors go from house to house.
Philip Larkin, "Aubade"
>>236632
Harmony, order and perfection: even if they were within reach they aren't worth it. Peace always comes with giving up your freedom and individuality. Conflict and suffering are natural parts of life and only fools fear them.
A world of order and law would be a plain and boring one. If there is a heaven like the christian one then I don't want it. If Nirvana can be actually reached then I don't want that either. Hell sounds more fun than most descriptions of heaven.
Harmony, order and perfection: even if they were within reach they aren't worth it. Peace always comes with giving up your freedom and individuality. Conflict and suffering are natural parts of life and only fools fear them.
A world of order and law would be a plain and boring one. If there is a heaven like the christian one then I don't want it. If Nirvana can be actually reached then I don't want that either. Hell sounds more fun than most descriptions of heaven.
>>236641
>Nirvana aka nothingness
>If Nirvana can be actually reached then I don't want that either
fool
>Nirvana aka nothingness
>If Nirvana can be actually reached then I don't want that either
fool
>>236641
The way your claimed love of suffering and overcoming is unavailable to many people here is the same way the contentment and vitality from peace and harmony is unavailable to you. Some people know how to be content and still grow and do great things; you are just alienated from it.
The way your claimed love of suffering and overcoming is unavailable to many people here is the same way the contentment and vitality from peace and harmony is unavailable to you. Some people know how to be content and still grow and do great things; you are just alienated from it.
I've been reading a lot recently about modern slavery, specifically the sexual slavery of eastern european succubi from towns and villages in poor nation. It is absolutely heartbreaking, and makes me so blackpilled and angry. This world is an absolute horror show.
>>236539
It's good when it's hard, if it wasn't hard it wouldn't be worth doing, you wouldn't get anything from it.
It's good when it's hard, if it wasn't hard it wouldn't be worth doing, you wouldn't get anything from it.
>>236645
True, truth-seeker. Forcing the ego to do something is difficult, especially when vice is involved. Myself included, I have difficulty getting studying done due to my newfound anime addiction. So basically my escape is trying to dominate my existence. Sometimes you really gotta check yourself before you wreck yourself, or before someone else does. Life doesn't slow down in sympathy for your pleasure-seeking and poor choices.
True, truth-seeker. Forcing the ego to do something is difficult, especially when vice is involved. Myself included, I have difficulty getting studying done due to my newfound anime addiction. So basically my escape is trying to dominate my existence. Sometimes you really gotta check yourself before you wreck yourself, or before someone else does. Life doesn't slow down in sympathy for your pleasure-seeking and poor choices.
>>236644
I find very hard to feel empathy for gírls and fémales, I had to endure laughs and humilliations from them all my life, and I learned that almost every single female would probably end up being an absolute bitch to people like me if they hand the chance.
Every time I would try to help or talk to a gírl in trouble or something they accepted my help or talk only when they had no other choice, the second they're in a better position I suddenly become repulsive to them, they have no sense of decency or loyalty to anyone but themselves, some males are like this too, but pretty much every female has been this way to me at least.
If I tried to help those eastern europeans I couldn't ignore the fact that they would probably backstab me after they're in a better position,it's sad but it's true, people aren't born cold and lacking empathy, people starts losing empathy for others because they don't usually return that empathy.
I find very hard to feel empathy for gírls and fémales, I had to endure laughs and humilliations from them all my life, and I learned that almost every single female would probably end up being an absolute bitch to people like me if they hand the chance.
Every time I would try to help or talk to a gírl in trouble or something they accepted my help or talk only when they had no other choice, the second they're in a better position I suddenly become repulsive to them, they have no sense of decency or loyalty to anyone but themselves, some males are like this too, but pretty much every female has been this way to me at least.
If I tried to help those eastern europeans I couldn't ignore the fact that they would probably backstab me after they're in a better position,it's sad but it's true, people aren't born cold and lacking empathy, people starts losing empathy for others because they don't usually return that empathy.
>>236642
>>236643
I hope you guys realize that beneath the mask of wanting to reach peace and a passionless state lies the very real desire of avoiding suffering. You mask your true desires by saying you would want to be without desire.
Go ahead, though. Continue living in your delusions. Choose the easy way out, the garbage-tier easy answer. Yes, the problem is with how you perceive the world, yes. It is all in our mind. Let's kill our ego and feelings, let's degrade ourselves into primitive life forms or even to the level of plants and stones, after all they don't suffer. Right? God, how low people can sink?
Wake up, people. Don't you realize you have fallen for a disgusting and evil ideology? You chase after some fake happiness, contentment or peace or whatever you name it. You are ready to sacrifice for the sake of avoiding suffering anything that makes you unique and human.
>Some people know how to be content and still grow and do great things
Wrong, if someone is absolutely content then he has no will, drive or need to do anything. Therefore, someone who has found peace can't grow as a person, he has locked himself into a permanent state. To find peace is to be dead. There is no escape from Samsara and even if there was why should we use it?
The meaning of life lies in the battle. The battle against oneself, the battle against our environment, the battle against other humans, the battle against nature, the battle against life, the battle against God and the battle against existence itself. Struggle and it is a paradox but you will find happiness - true happiness, not the fake one that life-denying and ego-denying ideologies offer you.
>>236643
I hope you guys realize that beneath the mask of wanting to reach peace and a passionless state lies the very real desire of avoiding suffering. You mask your true desires by saying you would want to be without desire.
Go ahead, though. Continue living in your delusions. Choose the easy way out, the garbage-tier easy answer. Yes, the problem is with how you perceive the world, yes. It is all in our mind. Let's kill our ego and feelings, let's degrade ourselves into primitive life forms or even to the level of plants and stones, after all they don't suffer. Right? God, how low people can sink?
Wake up, people. Don't you realize you have fallen for a disgusting and evil ideology? You chase after some fake happiness, contentment or peace or whatever you name it. You are ready to sacrifice for the sake of avoiding suffering anything that makes you unique and human.
>Some people know how to be content and still grow and do great things
Wrong, if someone is absolutely content then he has no will, drive or need to do anything. Therefore, someone who has found peace can't grow as a person, he has locked himself into a permanent state. To find peace is to be dead. There is no escape from Samsara and even if there was why should we use it?
The meaning of life lies in the battle. The battle against oneself, the battle against our environment, the battle against other humans, the battle against nature, the battle against life, the battle against God and the battle against existence itself. Struggle and it is a paradox but you will find happiness - true happiness, not the fake one that life-denying and ego-denying ideologies offer you.
>>236662
>Wrong, if someone is absolutely content then he has no will, drive or need to do anything.
I say the opposite, I have experienced something close to that state and I have also experienced the overcoming and domination of the world you describe. I know they are state dependent and some people are simply excluded from access to them. A total contentment which has a natural energy that yearns to unfold itself in the world, love as a force that seeks to share itself in to the world and express itself. Material information pulsates within a positive emotional state, it is not static but also not deprived. There is action, intention, and will in contentment - it is not dependent on depravity. You can't imagine heaven as anything but boring, you can't understand a place where boredom does not exist because deprivation does not exist. It does not need to be craving for escape in emotion as you think, despite being an intellectual escape.
You denigrate peace as the state of the primitive self. I don't know how you can look at the world and not see suffering as the equal element of the already existing world. Suffering, fighting, striving, and breeding are easily found in nature; you can watch maggots each other in a fly trap and pump out offspring in to the corpses and faeces beneath them. Overcoming is state generated in the human mind, a state separate and different from the striving and battle for survival that the mindless partake in.
You can find a positive mental state in overcoming but it isn't some truth. If you need to believe it's the sole truth then you are on insecure footing like the depressed here who cannot understand the mental state of overcoming because they've been excluded by material basis.
It doesn't really matter. Just consider you are as blocked off from that state as the depressed are blocked off from the experience of overcoming, or feeling vitality in constant battle of a will that feels like fire expanding from your inside. I don't believe there's any reconciliation - and that's why I like /dep/ safespaces for my fellow low vitality depression wizzies who cannot access these other mindstates, and accusatory language somewhat like yours cannot move them to.
>Wrong, if someone is absolutely content then he has no will, drive or need to do anything.
I say the opposite, I have experienced something close to that state and I have also experienced the overcoming and domination of the world you describe. I know they are state dependent and some people are simply excluded from access to them. A total contentment which has a natural energy that yearns to unfold itself in the world, love as a force that seeks to share itself in to the world and express itself. Material information pulsates within a positive emotional state, it is not static but also not deprived. There is action, intention, and will in contentment - it is not dependent on depravity. You can't imagine heaven as anything but boring, you can't understand a place where boredom does not exist because deprivation does not exist. It does not need to be craving for escape in emotion as you think, despite being an intellectual escape.
You denigrate peace as the state of the primitive self. I don't know how you can look at the world and not see suffering as the equal element of the already existing world. Suffering, fighting, striving, and breeding are easily found in nature; you can watch maggots each other in a fly trap and pump out offspring in to the corpses and faeces beneath them. Overcoming is state generated in the human mind, a state separate and different from the striving and battle for survival that the mindless partake in.
You can find a positive mental state in overcoming but it isn't some truth. If you need to believe it's the sole truth then you are on insecure footing like the depressed here who cannot understand the mental state of overcoming because they've been excluded by material basis.
It doesn't really matter. Just consider you are as blocked off from that state as the depressed are blocked off from the experience of overcoming, or feeling vitality in constant battle of a will that feels like fire expanding from your inside. I don't believe there's any reconciliation - and that's why I like /dep/ safespaces for my fellow low vitality depression wizzies who cannot access these other mindstates, and accusatory language somewhat like yours cannot move them to.
I can't even read long-form posts here anymore, let alone write them myself. Nothing in this world is of any value to me, not politics culture travel sports nothing[, [[[. The only stirring of feeling I have is seeing eloquently worded posts, and all they elicit in me is jealousy. I wish I could blather on about nothing so sweetly. Dunno whats happening to me
>>236673
First step of enlightenment. You notice how all these post are nothing but rhetorics and eventually only words that make no difference.
First step of enlightenment. You notice how all these post are nothing but rhetorics and eventually only words that make no difference.
If there is any god out there, give me the courage to kill muself and then destroy my soul. I can't take it anymore.
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I managed to break free for a few months. I felt good, I had some peace of mind, hell even some optimism. And now it's just fading away. I don't know why. I didn't change anything, nothing happened, but I just feel myself sinking lower and lower and lower and lower. I hadn't even thought about suicide for 4 months and today I just wanted to not exist again. I was enjoying things again and now it's just gone again.
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>>236662
>I hope you guys realize that beneath the mask of wanting to reach peace and a passionless state lies the very real desire of avoiding suffering.
Desiring to avoid suffering would be a form of desire, yes. Desiring to extinguish desire itself is a desire.
>To find peace is to be dead. There is no escape from Samsara and even if there was why should we use it?
Escaping presumes there's somewhere to escape to, or a self that escapes. These too are said to be part of samsara.
>I hope you guys realize that beneath the mask of wanting to reach peace and a passionless state lies the very real desire of avoiding suffering.
Desiring to avoid suffering would be a form of desire, yes. Desiring to extinguish desire itself is a desire.
>To find peace is to be dead. There is no escape from Samsara and even if there was why should we use it?
Escaping presumes there's somewhere to escape to, or a self that escapes. These too are said to be part of samsara.
>>236708
Hello I am interested in eastern philosophy where should I start I have read a bit but not any specific books I remember.
What you wrote makes sense I have accepted myself and life knowing the hedonic treadmill will never be overcome and feel at peace a lot despite being depressed etc
Hello I am interested in eastern philosophy where should I start I have read a bit but not any specific books I remember.
What you wrote makes sense I have accepted myself and life knowing the hedonic treadmill will never be overcome and feel at peace a lot despite being depressed etc
>>236710
I like the Daodejing and Genjokoan, but it's up to you.
What The Buddha Taught by Rahula and Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind by Suzuki are good introductions to Theravada and Mahayana Buddhism, respectively.
I like the Daodejing and Genjokoan, but it's up to you.
What The Buddha Taught by Rahula and Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind by Suzuki are good introductions to Theravada and Mahayana Buddhism, respectively.
I love daydreaming. I daydream all fucking day and live in my own tiny fantasy world. The real world has nothing to offer me. Not sex, not money, not fame, status, or success.
>>236664
It isn't about overcoming anything, it is about the fighting first of all. Sure, if you actually overcome things then bonus, good for you. But failure can be beautiful too and we can learn more from defeats than from victories. Our age suffers from the sickness of being too afraid of failure, loss and defeat. The destination is only secondary, the important thing is the journey.
>A total contentment which has a natural energy that yearns to unfold itself in the world, love as a force that seeks to share itself in to the world and express itself.
You are mistaken, this isn't contentment at all but desire and will. Peace and perfection are always constant and they refuse any movement or change. A perfectly content and satisfied being has no need or drive to do anything. Perfection equals non-action and basically non-existence.
If we think about this in classical monotheistic, abrahamic religions then God must be imperfect clearly. A creator always creates, and to create one needs desires, will and passions. And by your standards this means imperfection. Abrahamic religions say God doesn't need anything and that He is perfectly content with Himself. However, He clearly isn't since He is a creator, He felt the drive and need to create the universe and everything in it. Hmph, the abrahamic god is more human than we were led to believe, so it seems. You can ignore this part of my post freely, I just found this interesting.
>primitive
It is simply a lower way of existing or rather not existing at all that you people advocate for. Even flowers and plants are competing with each other and strive, the accurate state you guys want is something like being a rock or another lifeless object. I'm just saying that even being a maggot is better than this, at least they are alive, fighting and living every second of their life to the fullest. Giving yourself to life-denying ideologies will degenerate you into something nonhuman and extremely wicked, like a robot, a statue. It isn't you who lives and occupies your body any longer but the ideology that you are sacrificing yourself for.
>Just consider you are as blocked off from that state as the depressed are blocked off from the experience of overcoming
I was one of the most eager guardians of asceticism, life-denying and peace-finding some time ago. However, I realized that it is no way to live. Man needs some things he considers worth fighting for and needs conflict and suffering too. Suffering makes us feel alive, makes us experience the joys and pleasure more strongly too. Asceticism and abstaining from pleasure and pain of all kind will only take you down the road of despair, anhedonia and misery instead of the peace it offers. You are better off literally killing yourself than living out a hollow existence like that.
>>236690
You can reduce even the most brilliant works of philosophy to nothing but rhetorics. But you will still end up with the need to construct a worldview for yourself. We simply need basic thoughts by which we can live and through which we can interpret life.
>>236708
>Escaping presumes there's somewhere to escape to, or a self that escapes.
I just love how the Buddha simply decided to get rid of concepts he could do nothing with. "There is still the matter of self…well it doesn't exist. Problem solved".
>>236710
Eastern philosophy originates from India mainly so that is where you should start. Start reading hindu texts, the Vedas and all that. Most asian thought uses hinduism as its base.
It isn't about overcoming anything, it is about the fighting first of all. Sure, if you actually overcome things then bonus, good for you. But failure can be beautiful too and we can learn more from defeats than from victories. Our age suffers from the sickness of being too afraid of failure, loss and defeat. The destination is only secondary, the important thing is the journey.
>A total contentment which has a natural energy that yearns to unfold itself in the world, love as a force that seeks to share itself in to the world and express itself.
You are mistaken, this isn't contentment at all but desire and will. Peace and perfection are always constant and they refuse any movement or change. A perfectly content and satisfied being has no need or drive to do anything. Perfection equals non-action and basically non-existence.
If we think about this in classical monotheistic, abrahamic religions then God must be imperfect clearly. A creator always creates, and to create one needs desires, will and passions. And by your standards this means imperfection. Abrahamic religions say God doesn't need anything and that He is perfectly content with Himself. However, He clearly isn't since He is a creator, He felt the drive and need to create the universe and everything in it. Hmph, the abrahamic god is more human than we were led to believe, so it seems. You can ignore this part of my post freely, I just found this interesting.
>primitive
It is simply a lower way of existing or rather not existing at all that you people advocate for. Even flowers and plants are competing with each other and strive, the accurate state you guys want is something like being a rock or another lifeless object. I'm just saying that even being a maggot is better than this, at least they are alive, fighting and living every second of their life to the fullest. Giving yourself to life-denying ideologies will degenerate you into something nonhuman and extremely wicked, like a robot, a statue. It isn't you who lives and occupies your body any longer but the ideology that you are sacrificing yourself for.
>Just consider you are as blocked off from that state as the depressed are blocked off from the experience of overcoming
I was one of the most eager guardians of asceticism, life-denying and peace-finding some time ago. However, I realized that it is no way to live. Man needs some things he considers worth fighting for and needs conflict and suffering too. Suffering makes us feel alive, makes us experience the joys and pleasure more strongly too. Asceticism and abstaining from pleasure and pain of all kind will only take you down the road of despair, anhedonia and misery instead of the peace it offers. You are better off literally killing yourself than living out a hollow existence like that.
>>236690
You can reduce even the most brilliant works of philosophy to nothing but rhetorics. But you will still end up with the need to construct a worldview for yourself. We simply need basic thoughts by which we can live and through which we can interpret life.
>>236708
>Escaping presumes there's somewhere to escape to, or a self that escapes.
I just love how the Buddha simply decided to get rid of concepts he could do nothing with. "There is still the matter of self…well it doesn't exist. Problem solved".
>>236710
Eastern philosophy originates from India mainly so that is where you should start. Start reading hindu texts, the Vedas and all that. Most asian thought uses hinduism as its base.
>>236740
I’ve done weed before, but I’m afraid psychedelics will really fuck me up. How much harder are they?
I’ve done weed before, but I’m afraid psychedelics will really fuck me up. How much harder are they?
>>236752
I didn't separate the process of overcoming from the achievement, you did. And in doing so you're moving your values towards the mundane. Failure has value in reference to the context around it not by itself; it is valuable in reference to the will that disregarded or didn't care about that possibility and the will that responds to it. You're trying to imbue human mental states in to concepts of mindless struggle such as failure in itself; you can't really call anything else robotic when you assert that your valuable experience can be enacted by biological automata.
Total contentment in the human experience is not the same as divine simplicity or impassability of God. I didn't argue specifically for life denial, not-suffering is not the same as life denial. Contentment maintain will and intention without deprivation. In turn if you consider desire as a response to deprivation that doesn't exist in the same way. There's nowhere to go with this. Can a human maintain what I describe? I say yes, you say no, only the entire future will prove it. Until then it's just chilling.
I didn't separate the process of overcoming from the achievement, you did. And in doing so you're moving your values towards the mundane. Failure has value in reference to the context around it not by itself; it is valuable in reference to the will that disregarded or didn't care about that possibility and the will that responds to it. You're trying to imbue human mental states in to concepts of mindless struggle such as failure in itself; you can't really call anything else robotic when you assert that your valuable experience can be enacted by biological automata.
Total contentment in the human experience is not the same as divine simplicity or impassability of God. I didn't argue specifically for life denial, not-suffering is not the same as life denial. Contentment maintain will and intention without deprivation. In turn if you consider desire as a response to deprivation that doesn't exist in the same way. There's nowhere to go with this. Can a human maintain what I describe? I say yes, you say no, only the entire future will prove it. Until then it's just chilling.
Sometimes at night I pray to god or whatever that I could develop cancer so I could die without killing myself.
Maybe if I had cancer my family would treat me a bit better even if only for a few months.
This fucking life is way too fucked up sometimes, don't you think?
Maybe if I had cancer my family would treat me a bit better even if only for a few months.
This fucking life is way too fucked up sometimes, don't you think?
>>236767
Since guns are illegal in my country and I can't just blow my brains out, I think the next best thing would be to have one of those spontaneous brain hemorrhages that can happen to healthy people at any age. It seems like once you have it, you pretty much drop dead without feeling a thing. That would be like winning the lottery.
Since guns are illegal in my country and I can't just blow my brains out, I think the next best thing would be to have one of those spontaneous brain hemorrhages that can happen to healthy people at any age. It seems like once you have it, you pretty much drop dead without feeling a thing. That would be like winning the lottery.
>>236752
>I just love how the Buddha simply decided to get rid of concepts he could do nothing with. "There is still the matter of self…well it doesn't exist. Problem solved".
It's an old problem. I wrote a little about it here >>>/lounge/258251, but you can also read about the synthetic nature of self in Beyond Good and Evil §16-17.
On one hand you have an idea that all is subjective material flux, hence why only struggle creates value, and on the other hand that objective metaphysical identities like self exist, regardless of struggle. This is a contradiction in your worldview for you to resolve.
>I just love how the Buddha simply decided to get rid of concepts he could do nothing with. "There is still the matter of self…well it doesn't exist. Problem solved".
It's an old problem. I wrote a little about it here >>>/lounge/258251, but you can also read about the synthetic nature of self in Beyond Good and Evil §16-17.
On one hand you have an idea that all is subjective material flux, hence why only struggle creates value, and on the other hand that objective metaphysical identities like self exist, regardless of struggle. This is a contradiction in your worldview for you to resolve.
Starting to think that I might be a pedophile for enjoying loli. I never once made the connection between lolis and kids until someone told me my thoughts were still "seeing kids in a sexual light, by getting off to the concept of a child", and I now find myself filled with doubt. Whenever I see a picture of a kid (a real kid) I try to test myself: I ask my mind, "Am I attracted to this?" "Does this image arouse me?" "Am I lying to everyone I know?" and feel literally sick, actually nauseous. I hate that I even spoke to them, because now I wonder if I am a monster. I want the blissful blindness I had before we met.
I've gone 23 years without caring about it, but now I just want help. I don't even know why I'm posting here. I just have nobody else to go to.
I've gone 23 years without caring about it, but now I just want help. I don't even know why I'm posting here. I just have nobody else to go to.
>>236788
you probably got brainwashed by imageboard culture into liking loli and don't actually like it
you became a spambot posting lolis for actual pedophiles
you probably got brainwashed by imageboard culture into liking loli and don't actually like it
you became a spambot posting lolis for actual pedophiles
I work in a minimum wage job and today they fired an older man who has been working there for about a month, because he is too slow. They also fired other people and will be firing more this week. It really changed my perspective on things. Since starting earlier this year I have gone out of my way to help others (especially this older man, who I helped climb from the bottom of the leaderboard published each day) and do my best at my work. I no longer care, and yet I have no options and have to pay rent.
The strange thing is that while people in general are fine with the idea that certain things aren't "for" other people, e.g., drinking alcohol, partying, being talkative, there is a kind of collective pressure to at the very minimum be okay with being alive, and to remain alive and find work in order to prolong one's existence. Statistically speaking, there are bound to be a minority of people who just do not feel that life is "for" them, and yet they can't unsubscribe from consciousness without being judged harshly and without their family etc suffering immense psychological pain due to their having unsubscribed without having been forced to do so by a natural death. I just want to clock out. I've seen enough. However I probably won't, due to the bond with my mother and sister (neither of whom I relate to on a personal level).
Best wishes, for what it's worth, to fellow wizards struggling with life at the moment. I wish there was a secular monastery where we could go and spend the rest of our days in silence and humility.
The strange thing is that while people in general are fine with the idea that certain things aren't "for" other people, e.g., drinking alcohol, partying, being talkative, there is a kind of collective pressure to at the very minimum be okay with being alive, and to remain alive and find work in order to prolong one's existence. Statistically speaking, there are bound to be a minority of people who just do not feel that life is "for" them, and yet they can't unsubscribe from consciousness without being judged harshly and without their family etc suffering immense psychological pain due to their having unsubscribed without having been forced to do so by a natural death. I just want to clock out. I've seen enough. However I probably won't, due to the bond with my mother and sister (neither of whom I relate to on a personal level).
Best wishes, for what it's worth, to fellow wizards struggling with life at the moment. I wish there was a secular monastery where we could go and spend the rest of our days in silence and humility.
>>236791
Yeah, something doesn't feel right when you see people treat eachother like they're expendable. It ditches a sort of compassion that is supposedly the trademark of our species. It's one of the many hard facts of this commodified and overpopulated age, I suppose.
Yeah, something doesn't feel right when you see people treat eachother like they're expendable. It ditches a sort of compassion that is supposedly the trademark of our species. It's one of the many hard facts of this commodified and overpopulated age, I suppose.
>>236793
Indeed, the laws of economics apply to the value of an individual's life too.
Today, we have an abundant supply of people, and little particular need for every one.
And we can always make more, if we need them.
Indeed, the laws of economics apply to the value of an individual's life too.
Today, we have an abundant supply of people, and little particular need for every one.
And we can always make more, if we need them.
It's one of those times that I just wish I've never been. I want to pass away peacefully, painlessly in my sleep. I was not meant to be.
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I have no money to fix my teeth, fuck.
I have like 9 cavities and my molar is fucked and dental implants are too expensive. One molar's almost completely gone but when I remove it I'll basically remove part of myself. And all I'll get is a gaping reminder that I will rot and decay like that fucking tooth.
I have like 9 cavities and my molar is fucked and dental implants are too expensive. One molar's almost completely gone but when I remove it I'll basically remove part of myself. And all I'll get is a gaping reminder that I will rot and decay like that fucking tooth.
shitty night im farting a lot and my body is all itchy, i already took a shower and my skin still feels itchy and im farting too much. i think it's my diet of beans, fish, and milk. im like a fart machine right now.
>>236811
Also, now I'm paranoid about other molars with tooth decay, it's been years I don't have much time left I need to fix them asap but first I need to remove my broken molar.
Also, now I'm paranoid about other molars with tooth decay, it's been years I don't have much time left I need to fix them asap but first I need to remove my broken molar.
>>236811
Don't wanna sound like a crab, but you should try brushing your teeth or drinking milk more. But it could be genetics that your teeth fucks up a lot, most fuckers never brush for weeks and haven't had any problems, lay off the sugar too.
Don't wanna sound like a crab, but you should try brushing your teeth or drinking milk more. But it could be genetics that your teeth fucks up a lot, most fuckers never brush for weeks and haven't had any problems, lay off the sugar too.
Most people are jealous of those who have fancy cars, a big house, and riches. I'm jealous of people with cancer.
>>236811
Also also
Apparently dentures cause bone loss, in the long term they make you look like shit and it'll be increasingly harder to chew food with them. My grandma have them and all she can eat is soup and other shit like that. Life's hell. I already have four dental fillings and I need 9 more, they are not even permanent. This is insane.
Also also
Apparently dentures cause bone loss, in the long term they make you look like shit and it'll be increasingly harder to chew food with them. My grandma have them and all she can eat is soup and other shit like that. Life's hell. I already have four dental fillings and I need 9 more, they are not even permanent. This is insane.
>>236842
upd3
Just couple of weeks ago I had a massive depression concerning my future. I have no skills, no job experience, no college degree, I live with a min wage slave single mother, I'm an asocial, spoiled retard. I can't even rot in peace because it's too painful.
And now I've truly realized how fucked my teeth are as I begin to actually lose it which gave me yet another depression. My mom used to pay for it but she simply doesn't have money for implants/crowns.
This is the beginning of the end.
upd3
Just couple of weeks ago I had a massive depression concerning my future. I have no skills, no job experience, no college degree, I live with a min wage slave single mother, I'm an asocial, spoiled retard. I can't even rot in peace because it's too painful.
And now I've truly realized how fucked my teeth are as I begin to actually lose it which gave me yet another depression. My mom used to pay for it but she simply doesn't have money for implants/crowns.
This is the beginning of the end.
Eating healthy feels so bland and boring and it doesn't fill the void inside. I want to stay at home 24/7 and order junk food daily instead of cruising through the entire city (i have to for my job) and going madder everyday at the sight of this subhumanity. Of course non white people make it 20 times worse. It's cliche but my reality feels similar to the Taxi Driver movie. I can't cope with how shitty this town is and i have to experience it all alone so everything i witness even as a spectator affects me in some way and is piling up.
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A quarter of human misery is toothache.
Thomas De Quincey (1785 - 1859)
Thomas De Quincey (1785 - 1859)
I am banned everywhere else. Fuck those motherfucking shit platforms and forums. Fuck 4chad. Fuck kndls. Fuck whores. Fuck bitches. Fuck chads. Fuck normals. Go to hell you little fuckers. You have no fucking idea what this is about. Let me launch a nuclear missle. I'll hit launch any time. Motherfuckers. Fuck!
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Any wizards with dentures, what's your experience?
Does anyone know how to get any sleeping pills or benzos online? I live in a shithole near russia. I can't sleep and i need something good please help me
>>236901
darknet market maybe go on 420chan and ask the benzo people on what would be best to use.
darknet market maybe go on 420chan and ask the benzo people on what would be best to use.
>>236904
I know what to use, just need a place where i can get them. I'm running out with my prescription and i can't sleep properly witouth something.
I know what to use, just need a place where i can get them. I'm running out with my prescription and i can't sleep properly witouth something.
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Can't stop thinking about my rotting teeth, I brush and floss everyday but all my first molars are dead, my second molars have a lot of decay too. There's also like 4 other cavities in between my teeth (probably more). I have no money to fix all of them, fuck. But Americans have it worse, at least here in EE dentists will fix your teeth for free (it's like a lottery, sometimes they can make it worse). If you're a poor in US you probably have to abuse painkillers until nerves in your rotting tooth die and it completely decays and then you'll probably get infection.
>>236906
You drink too much milk, and too many times a day pobly.
When getting the paycheck think about not fixing the pieces, just cleansing them, beware about anything they tell about your wisdom teeth: if they don't hurt there's nothing wrong and you shouldn't pay any preventive treatment.
You drink too much milk, and too many times a day pobly.
When getting the paycheck think about not fixing the pieces, just cleansing them, beware about anything they tell about your wisdom teeth: if they don't hurt there's nothing wrong and you shouldn't pay any preventive treatment.
>>236906
Dentist student here, anon do you eat alot of carbs? Wih a high carb diet even if you brush your teeth properly it will still rot. Altough rn whats done is done i'm just warning the other retards here.
Dentist student here, anon do you eat alot of carbs? Wih a high carb diet even if you brush your teeth properly it will still rot. Altough rn whats done is done i'm just warning the other retards here.
>>236906
Only brush two times a day, half an hour before your first meal and half an hour before your last meal. Don't brush too hard that will only make it worse. 3-5 times for every spot is enough and again don't use too much pressure. Flushing helps of course.
Only brush two times a day, half an hour before your first meal and half an hour before your last meal. Don't brush too hard that will only make it worse. 3-5 times for every spot is enough and again don't use too much pressure. Flushing helps of course.
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>>236907
I'm lactose intolerant.
In fact my teeth were fucking good but I ruined it all. Considering that I've never brushed my teeth for a prolong periods of time it's a fucking miracle that they are not completely gone or fucked beyond repair (only first molars are dead) and I have mostly minor cavities (except for the second molars which are basically time bombs and they make me paranoid). But cavities in the long term ruin your teeth and I have no money at all for crowns or implants. Only grandpa dentures. Imagine drinking soda and eating junk food all the time and not brushing your teeth for almost a decade. Looks like I actually have *good* genetics when it comes to teeth, but like I said it doesn't matter now.
>when you getting paycheck
I've never worked in my life and honestly this shit makes me even less motivated and more depressed
I'm thinking of ending it all
But first I need to read some Ligotti
>>236908
I used to eat a lot of shit, now I pretend that I'm 70. It sucks but I don't eat all the time anyway.
I'm lactose intolerant.
In fact my teeth were fucking good but I ruined it all. Considering that I've never brushed my teeth for a prolong periods of time it's a fucking miracle that they are not completely gone or fucked beyond repair (only first molars are dead) and I have mostly minor cavities (except for the second molars which are basically time bombs and they make me paranoid). But cavities in the long term ruin your teeth and I have no money at all for crowns or implants. Only grandpa dentures. Imagine drinking soda and eating junk food all the time and not brushing your teeth for almost a decade. Looks like I actually have *good* genetics when it comes to teeth, but like I said it doesn't matter now.
>when you getting paycheck
I've never worked in my life and honestly this shit makes me even less motivated and more depressed
I'm thinking of ending it all
But first I need to read some Ligotti
>>236908
I used to eat a lot of shit, now I pretend that I'm 70. It sucks but I don't eat all the time anyway.
>>236917
if you find a torrent or DL link for ligotti novels can you share here please I have only read his work on antinatalism the conspiracy against the human race and loved it
if you find a torrent or DL link for ligotti novels can you share here please I have only read his work on antinatalism the conspiracy against the human race and loved it
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Should have brushed my teeth… It's incredibly easy to ruin your own life.
>>236951
>performs level 1 cunnilingus but doesn't ram the wet pussy right after
wizchan 2021
>performs level 1 cunnilingus but doesn't ram the wet pussy right after
wizchan 2021
I don't know if it's the wisest thing to post here nor is it appropriate, but I don't have anyone in my life that I feel comfortable talking to about this and I just want to get it off my chest. Over the past month I've been getting a dull ache in my left nut that seems to come and go. I (stupidly) thought that it might just be one of those things where if I ignore it then it'll eventually go away and everything will be fine. I'm going to book an appointment with the GP tomorrow for as soon as possible, I really don't want anyone fondling my balls and the entire thing makes me feel awkward to have to talk to someone about in real life since I'm a sperg and I also know there's a good chance I'll start laughing out of both embarrassment and being immature. I did have an appointment booked a couple of weeks ago but the pain had subsided so I thought it wasn't worth going to, I guess that was a dumb move on my part so this time I'll be going even if the pain has stopped by then.
Any little thing is enough to destroy my will completely. I was doing OK one hour ago. I will begin to sell some special Corona masks to local businesses (at least I'm gonna try), but my mother has just given me a "hint" that that will not be nearly enough for me to HELP them pay my college. What the fuck? It hasn't been easy to find a job these last months due to Covid and shit. It's a small thing, but I just fucking hate having to deal with people. I have begun to seriously think about getting out of my parents house and wonder around the state until I die.
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I have no luck yet i can see a malicious hand behind these events. Every move i make, every step to fight my predicament ends up in disaster. I'm so tired. Makes me wanna believe in the Gnostic myths but even the unknown god is such bullshit. Creation itself is an afront, only nothingness can be something beyond god and the likes. Fuck it all.
It's either dentures for me or suicide, I want to cry.
My teeth isn't even *that* bad, it can be fixed, but I'm too poor.
I'll try to fix some of them, but I'm terrified of toothache. Plan B is suicide, I'll drink some alcohol, take painkillers to numb the pain and bleed to death while listening to music from fallout or
It's almost over.
My teeth isn't even *that* bad, it can be fixed, but I'm too poor.
I'll try to fix some of them, but I'm terrified of toothache. Plan B is suicide, I'll drink some alcohol, take painkillers to numb the pain and bleed to death while listening to music from fallout or
It's almost over.
days can feel so long to get through, while weeks and months become wasted time before ive even noticed
It's fucking incredible how much suffering and torture and pain a person can endure in a lifetime. We are like the perfect creation only made to experience the most variety of pain and suffering over time there could be. Someone out there must have a black heart, even worse than the most cruel human we can imagine.
>>236982
The "creator" is ineffable. Every feasible god or God is not the creator, they are entities, personages which strongly invoke a particular aspect of Creation.
The "creator" is ineffable. Every feasible god or God is not the creator, they are entities, personages which strongly invoke a particular aspect of Creation.
Recently I'm too lazy to write out the thoughts I'm having so I either just do nothing or start writing a post and then stop bothering and stop and delete whatever I started to write. The thought might be fully present to me in a second but expressing it clearly takes too much effort, especially when I know that it changes nothing and that interaction is always tiresome, also here.
>>237013
The sheer stubbornness of the human will is really something that has amazed me as I grow older. A person can suffer almost anything and still his will, aided psychological mechanisms in its defence, will justify living in the face of almost anything. I don't know how so many people continue to live when suicide is there just waiting to end the suffering, and yet here I am as one of them, telling myself that things will get better, that it isn't all that bad, that compared to X my life isn't in such a bad position. I am beginning to actually feel hostile towards the will-to-live, and my brain's incessant pressure on my psyche to keep living. It's like a compulsive gambler who has lost almost everything and yet wonders if tomorrow is the day his luck will change at the casino. I just want out. I wish that I didn't have any family who care about me, because at that point I think I would feel no resistance to the idea that I could just give away my possessions and walk out into the wilderness to starve. The human psyche is such a dangerous and malevolent thing, so desperate for attention and entertainment. It feels as though I am constantly LARPing, and I find myself sometimes so immersed in my LARP that I wonder if my depression and suicidal ideation is also just a LARP. Hundreds of millions of people, all locked into their consciousness and distinct psychological peculiarity have lived and died, the great majority of their existence now no more than a name on a census form, and yet one's own life, here and now, seems so important. I am going to try and start reading about life-denying ideologies, perhaps Puritanism or something. The Cathars are the closest I have come in a while to relating to a group of people who perceived life in a similar way to me.
The sheer stubbornness of the human will is really something that has amazed me as I grow older. A person can suffer almost anything and still his will, aided psychological mechanisms in its defence, will justify living in the face of almost anything. I don't know how so many people continue to live when suicide is there just waiting to end the suffering, and yet here I am as one of them, telling myself that things will get better, that it isn't all that bad, that compared to X my life isn't in such a bad position. I am beginning to actually feel hostile towards the will-to-live, and my brain's incessant pressure on my psyche to keep living. It's like a compulsive gambler who has lost almost everything and yet wonders if tomorrow is the day his luck will change at the casino. I just want out. I wish that I didn't have any family who care about me, because at that point I think I would feel no resistance to the idea that I could just give away my possessions and walk out into the wilderness to starve. The human psyche is such a dangerous and malevolent thing, so desperate for attention and entertainment. It feels as though I am constantly LARPing, and I find myself sometimes so immersed in my LARP that I wonder if my depression and suicidal ideation is also just a LARP. Hundreds of millions of people, all locked into their consciousness and distinct psychological peculiarity have lived and died, the great majority of their existence now no more than a name on a census form, and yet one's own life, here and now, seems so important. I am going to try and start reading about life-denying ideologies, perhaps Puritanism or something. The Cathars are the closest I have come in a while to relating to a group of people who perceived life in a similar way to me.
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>>237043
It's not any succubi, it's his mother. What reaction you expected? One of complete indifference?
It's not any succubi, it's his mother. What reaction you expected? One of complete indifference?
>>237043
She's a good mother. It's a shame that I ended up being such a failure. I just wanted to live a quiet, peaceful life, without much pain and misery. But I guess it wasn't in the cards.
She's a good mother. It's a shame that I ended up being such a failure. I just wanted to live a quiet, peaceful life, without much pain and misery. But I guess it wasn't in the cards.
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The thing that pisses me off the most in life is that me being a failure by societal standards (29 living at home, working a shitty retail job) was nothing of my doing.
It was not my fault that I was born into 2 mentally ill, poor parents; the unstable environment leading to my obnoxious behavior as a child. At the time, kid me thought, hey my classmates are laughingn this is good, but they were laughing AT me not with me. No one actually liked me, which led to not having any connections growing up. Not that I would have had the time considering how much I spent cleaning the house for my OCD mom, who, when she got home from work would then accuse me of not doing it, leading me to get hit by my dad. High School graduation rolls around and my parents give me the ultimatum of college or the military. I had no money at the time, and my parents didnt save any for my education. I got an associates in general math science, attempted to get a bachelors in meteorology but with having to commute and 30 hour work weeks, ran out of money to continue. Now im 29 living at home, Ive been working and paying my parents rent for 10 years leaving me with very little money to actually move out and be a real adult. I had no control over any of it.
(Sidenote I have been trying to learn skills like coding and stuff but its very hard without any time for oneself and working 45 hours a week.)
It was not my fault that I was born into 2 mentally ill, poor parents; the unstable environment leading to my obnoxious behavior as a child. At the time, kid me thought, hey my classmates are laughingn this is good, but they were laughing AT me not with me. No one actually liked me, which led to not having any connections growing up. Not that I would have had the time considering how much I spent cleaning the house for my OCD mom, who, when she got home from work would then accuse me of not doing it, leading me to get hit by my dad. High School graduation rolls around and my parents give me the ultimatum of college or the military. I had no money at the time, and my parents didnt save any for my education. I got an associates in general math science, attempted to get a bachelors in meteorology but with having to commute and 30 hour work weeks, ran out of money to continue. Now im 29 living at home, Ive been working and paying my parents rent for 10 years leaving me with very little money to actually move out and be a real adult. I had no control over any of it.
(Sidenote I have been trying to learn skills like coding and stuff but its very hard without any time for oneself and working 45 hours a week.)
>>237061
You should stop judging yourself based on societal standards and embrace being a loser I know it hurts I used to be like you and hated being myself I still do but for different reasons.
The problem you have is working and I luckily do not have to because retardbux but life is stressful and just remmeber it will never get netter only for a moment you will return to baseline no matter what the situation you are in let me assure you on this.
What would even make you happy wizzie? what do you want out of life?
You should stop judging yourself based on societal standards and embrace being a loser I know it hurts I used to be like you and hated being myself I still do but for different reasons.
The problem you have is working and I luckily do not have to because retardbux but life is stressful and just remmeber it will never get netter only for a moment you will return to baseline no matter what the situation you are in let me assure you on this.
What would even make you happy wizzie? what do you want out of life?
IDK where else to post this.
I'm pretty certain my mum is lying about her chronic illness, or at least she believes she's in chronic pain but actually is fabricating it. She's had this mysterious disease that causes facial pain for the last decade, it's gone from being a toothache to a misfiring nerve in the mouth to a misfiring nerve in the brain. It's been several surgeries now, multiple on the brain (according to her) and every time it just doesn't treat it, this time it's "the gauze left in the brain after the last brain surgery is rubbing against the nerve". IDK, I've never talked to her doctor or seen the paperwork, I just know she's flying to and from the capitol for surgeries and each one is failing to do the job. This is combined with multiple people telling me that she lied about having a cancer diagnosis in the 90s for a long time. And when my little brother was growing up, he was placed on ADHD medication on heavy doses to the point where he was malnourished (due to how suppressed his appetite was) with a BMI of 14 (I also grew up with iron deficiencies due to only being fed shredded wheat, muesli bars and bread because "that's all we can afford") , her response to this was to parade him around gatherings and christmas parties like a freakshow for attention (he would come home crying every time). She would point out how you could see his heart beating through his shirt and laugh (it was always done from a "poor single mommy" angle, many people probably thought she was being a piece of shit but no one said anything).
My older sister thinks I'm a reprehensible monster for thinking such a thing. But maybe, MAYBE, because she's selected an illness that can only be diagnosed based on subjective pain, she's managed to munchauser her way through. I've caught her a few times, spying on her from the doorstep as she goes about chores, I seen her notice me in the reflection in the window (not realizing I had already seen her) and instantly seen her grasping her head and making noises like she's in pain.
She is extremely thirsty for attention and sympathy and loves to spiel on non-stop about her expensive treatments. The hundreds of hours she would go on and on about acupuncture when it was just a tooth thing (spending hundreds a month while barely feeding us) is burned into my brain. As soon as she got hold on heavy pain medication she just started spieling on about how tired she was all the time and how the "room spins like I'm in the matrix I'm in that much pain", it's all classic munchie hyperbole and attention seeking behavior.
Could it indeed be possible she's bullshitted her way into actual brain surgery?
I'm pretty certain my mum is lying about her chronic illness, or at least she believes she's in chronic pain but actually is fabricating it. She's had this mysterious disease that causes facial pain for the last decade, it's gone from being a toothache to a misfiring nerve in the mouth to a misfiring nerve in the brain. It's been several surgeries now, multiple on the brain (according to her) and every time it just doesn't treat it, this time it's "the gauze left in the brain after the last brain surgery is rubbing against the nerve". IDK, I've never talked to her doctor or seen the paperwork, I just know she's flying to and from the capitol for surgeries and each one is failing to do the job. This is combined with multiple people telling me that she lied about having a cancer diagnosis in the 90s for a long time. And when my little brother was growing up, he was placed on ADHD medication on heavy doses to the point where he was malnourished (due to how suppressed his appetite was) with a BMI of 14 (I also grew up with iron deficiencies due to only being fed shredded wheat, muesli bars and bread because "that's all we can afford") , her response to this was to parade him around gatherings and christmas parties like a freakshow for attention (he would come home crying every time). She would point out how you could see his heart beating through his shirt and laugh (it was always done from a "poor single mommy" angle, many people probably thought she was being a piece of shit but no one said anything).
My older sister thinks I'm a reprehensible monster for thinking such a thing. But maybe, MAYBE, because she's selected an illness that can only be diagnosed based on subjective pain, she's managed to munchauser her way through. I've caught her a few times, spying on her from the doorstep as she goes about chores, I seen her notice me in the reflection in the window (not realizing I had already seen her) and instantly seen her grasping her head and making noises like she's in pain.
She is extremely thirsty for attention and sympathy and loves to spiel on non-stop about her expensive treatments. The hundreds of hours she would go on and on about acupuncture when it was just a tooth thing (spending hundreds a month while barely feeding us) is burned into my brain. As soon as she got hold on heavy pain medication she just started spieling on about how tired she was all the time and how the "room spins like I'm in the matrix I'm in that much pain", it's all classic munchie hyperbole and attention seeking behavior.
Could it indeed be possible she's bullshitted her way into actual brain surgery?
>>237061
I always feel weird when jobfags say they are the lowest of scum according to society. Then what an I as a NEET? A disposable cockroach? Good thing I stopped caring about such things.
I always feel weird when jobfags say they are the lowest of scum according to society. Then what an I as a NEET? A disposable cockroach? Good thing I stopped caring about such things.
>>237081
Being a jobfag can be more brootal because you are out and about, and people judge you in person. NEETs are on their own little circuit away from the normies and aren't thought of.
Being a jobfag can be more brootal because you are out and about, and people judge you in person. NEETs are on their own little circuit away from the normies and aren't thought of.
>>237082
I don't get how any jobfags can be regarded as scum. They work for fucks sake. What else would normie society want? I would understand if they consider me scum. I really do nothing.
I don't get how any jobfags can be regarded as scum. They work for fucks sake. What else would normie society want? I would understand if they consider me scum. I really do nothing.
>>237080
Jesus, thats fucking terrible. I feel so so damn much for you, stay strong. Yeah seems like classic behavior. Look up the story of Gypsy Rose Blanchard. Living with parents with mental illness is awful. I posted the story of my OCD mom above. My mom would also lie about money too while spending on jewelry or dumb shit. Hope we can earn enough money to escape are personal battles. Prayers for you anon.
Jesus, thats fucking terrible. I feel so so damn much for you, stay strong. Yeah seems like classic behavior. Look up the story of Gypsy Rose Blanchard. Living with parents with mental illness is awful. I posted the story of my OCD mom above. My mom would also lie about money too while spending on jewelry or dumb shit. Hope we can earn enough money to escape are personal battles. Prayers for you anon.
>>237081
being a NEET is a 1000x more acceptable to society than working a shit job. When people see a NEET they think oh thats just someone facing tough times or someone disabled. When people see a late 20s man still working retail they think wow this person is a fucking idiot.
being a NEET is a 1000x more acceptable to society than working a shit job. When people see a NEET they think oh thats just someone facing tough times or someone disabled. When people see a late 20s man still working retail they think wow this person is a fucking idiot.
>>237083
Just browse the career threads on 4chan /r9k/ and /pol/ and see anyone with any sort of career in an office talk about wagiecucks making low wages like they're the most reprehensible scum on earth. I forget how much anonymous imageboards attract that sort of sociopath until I enter those threads. They never bring themselves to talk shit about NEETs, but they're deride someone working at a supermarket like he's a stupid gullible idiot that no succubus will ever want. The worst sort of "I got mine".
Just browse the career threads on 4chan /r9k/ and /pol/ and see anyone with any sort of career in an office talk about wagiecucks making low wages like they're the most reprehensible scum on earth. I forget how much anonymous imageboards attract that sort of sociopath until I enter those threads. They never bring themselves to talk shit about NEETs, but they're deride someone working at a supermarket like he's a stupid gullible idiot that no succubus will ever want. The worst sort of "I got mine".
So do retail stores and fast food joints only hire college grads now? Why do they keep rejecting my applications? I feel like there has to be something very wrong with this, but I can't quite put my finger on it.
>>237089
If you live in Cuckmerica, you have to know someone who already works there. Nepotism is ubiquitous and the only fucking jobs I've ever gotten was because I know someone who works/has worked at the company. I can't wait for this shithole to finally collapse. Fuck this society and its lies. Bring on the great reset.
If you live in Cuckmerica, you have to know someone who already works there. Nepotism is ubiquitous and the only fucking jobs I've ever gotten was because I know someone who works/has worked at the company. I can't wait for this shithole to finally collapse. Fuck this society and its lies. Bring on the great reset.
>>237086
Jesus, that's horrible. I mean these ain't news for sure but seeing it written out like that reminds how bad it really is and why I chose to opt out as long as possible. Society is driven by soulless narcissists looking down on whom they consider worse while sucking from their grief in life like vampires. And nobody ever wins because there's always another one above except the very upper class.
>Just browse the career threads on 4chan /r9k/ and /pol/
No thank you I want to spare myself from this malicious people and their propaganda. Knowing it exists is enough already.
Jesus, that's horrible. I mean these ain't news for sure but seeing it written out like that reminds how bad it really is and why I chose to opt out as long as possible. Society is driven by soulless narcissists looking down on whom they consider worse while sucking from their grief in life like vampires. And nobody ever wins because there's always another one above except the very upper class.
>Just browse the career threads on 4chan /r9k/ and /pol/
No thank you I want to spare myself from this malicious people and their propaganda. Knowing it exists is enough already.
>>237091
I've worked on the homes of actual rich people, as in, multimillionaires, some worth over $25 mil.
They are actually the opposite, they're really polite and affable to the workers that come on their property and do the work for them, and try to strike up conversations and take an interest. They have never really been around that work, and take an interest in the people doing it, The McMansion owner working a corporate job making $120,000 is typically a cunt in comparison. I've seen corporate succubi working at Transfield Worley go past a scaffold and full on laugh at someone placing the caution tape so low, one started going "How can you mess up something so easy, how stupid do you have to be".
I really do think the actual rich see these people as overcompensating LARPs and hate them just as much as I do. They probably have up and coming yuppies trying their best to fit in and show off status, when actual rich people just want to talk about mundane stuff that happens because their lives are low stress and mundane.
I've worked on the homes of actual rich people, as in, multimillionaires, some worth over $25 mil.
They are actually the opposite, they're really polite and affable to the workers that come on their property and do the work for them, and try to strike up conversations and take an interest. They have never really been around that work, and take an interest in the people doing it, The McMansion owner working a corporate job making $120,000 is typically a cunt in comparison. I've seen corporate succubi working at Transfield Worley go past a scaffold and full on laugh at someone placing the caution tape so low, one started going "How can you mess up something so easy, how stupid do you have to be".
I really do think the actual rich see these people as overcompensating LARPs and hate them just as much as I do. They probably have up and coming yuppies trying their best to fit in and show off status, when actual rich people just want to talk about mundane stuff that happens because their lives are low stress and mundane.
>>237105
Family members I guess. I work for a college teacher that thought I'd do fine on his company, so there's that.
>>237094
Usually it's the new and mildly rich that are assholes. Rich people that have been rich for a long time are more grounded and easy to deal with. Of course they still think they're better than you, they just don't show it.
Family members I guess. I work for a college teacher that thought I'd do fine on his company, so there's that.
>>237094
Usually it's the new and mildly rich that are assholes. Rich people that have been rich for a long time are more grounded and easy to deal with. Of course they still think they're better than you, they just don't show it.
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>>237094
Yes, that's often the dialectic between old money and new money, or the nouveau riche.
Yes, that's often the dialectic between old money and new money, or the nouveau riche.
Anonymous 5 minutes ago No. 754186
In this shithole of a country called New Zealand someone can park their vehicle on your property and you have no way of removing it. My semi-senile neighbor has got it in her head that I don't have access to the shared right away and has dumped a vehicle on my property blocking it. I've fallen down a legal catch 22 because it's not a local government right of way so the council towtrucks won't sort it out. The two towing companies in town are scared shitless of touching the issue because of the amount of lawsuits they get from damage to vehicle while towing. I'll be charged with trespassing (strangely) because the vehicle itself is considered private property and I have no right to tow it myself. I can get a clamping company to put signs up and monitor the place, but once it's clamped and the $100 fine is sent they can just never pay it and leave the clamped car there (the car itself is a wreck that hasn't been legal in years)…And I'll still have no way of getting it removed. A tresspass notice won't work because it only applies for people coming onto the property, now the vehicle is dumped there it doesn't work.
I spent 3-4 hours on the phone and spent several emails trying to wrangle the cops in to sort it, and the most they can do is "have a word with them" because it's a civil dispute and nothing to do with them. At this point I'm going to have to go spend hundreds or thousands on a lawyer for the offchance there's a law I can do something about it. It's gone on for several months now, and I'm at the point where I'm going to have to go to war with them, which is a thing in itself. The problem is they're gang affiliated (their daughter married into one of the countries worst gangs) and the other neighbor who felt sorry for me warned me to "step lightly and be careful, they know some powerful people"
In this shithole of a country called New Zealand someone can park their vehicle on your property and you have no way of removing it. My semi-senile neighbor has got it in her head that I don't have access to the shared right away and has dumped a vehicle on my property blocking it. I've fallen down a legal catch 22 because it's not a local government right of way so the council towtrucks won't sort it out. The two towing companies in town are scared shitless of touching the issue because of the amount of lawsuits they get from damage to vehicle while towing. I'll be charged with trespassing (strangely) because the vehicle itself is considered private property and I have no right to tow it myself. I can get a clamping company to put signs up and monitor the place, but once it's clamped and the $100 fine is sent they can just never pay it and leave the clamped car there (the car itself is a wreck that hasn't been legal in years)…And I'll still have no way of getting it removed. A tresspass notice won't work because it only applies for people coming onto the property, now the vehicle is dumped there it doesn't work.
I spent 3-4 hours on the phone and spent several emails trying to wrangle the cops in to sort it, and the most they can do is "have a word with them" because it's a civil dispute and nothing to do with them. At this point I'm going to have to go spend hundreds or thousands on a lawyer for the offchance there's a law I can do something about it. It's gone on for several months now, and I'm at the point where I'm going to have to go to war with them, which is a thing in itself. The problem is they're gang affiliated (their daughter married into one of the countries worst gangs) and the other neighbor who felt sorry for me warned me to "step lightly and be careful, they know some powerful people"
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Story of my life
Does anyone else browse or lurk the reddit suicidewatch subreddit? It only makes me more depressed because the posts are made by idiots and the people replying are just parasites trying to feel good about themselves by copy pasting cliche positive bullshit.
No /u/sadchungus you cannot kill yourself by doubling your zoloft dosage and if you take paracetamol to try kill yourself you will just fail or end up in agony you retard.
No /u/sadchungus you cannot kill yourself by doubling your zoloft dosage and if you take paracetamol to try kill yourself you will just fail or end up in agony you retard.
layed in bed all day tried reading no energy feel too shit to watch anime and is a hassle at the moment to watch it so just doing nothing. refreshing wizchan constantly decided to write in the thread here unsure what to do in life wishing I had the guts to kill myself.
>>237162
attention whoring and general human stupidity. If someone really wants to die there's a reason hanging is so popular
attention whoring and general human stupidity. If someone really wants to die there's a reason hanging is so popular
>>237174
a lot of them are just normalfags that have no ida how to kill themselves beyond the easy option in their mind of pills but yes a lot of attention whoring and "cries for help".
a lot of them are just normalfags that have no ida how to kill themselves beyond the easy option in their mind of pills but yes a lot of attention whoring and "cries for help".
>>237162
it's like you don't know how dying works.
you're just being edgy to be edgy
you can't kill yourself unless you're, let's say, mentally ill. it's physically impossible, like magnets rejecting eachother if you touch the same poles against eachother. or like trying to blend oil with water.
knife do ouch, ouch bad. want die cuz ouch? make sense to do an ouch. why want die if no ouch? pill no do ouch and making dead, therefore pill good.
the real big brainies pop the real pillies, oxycodone or whatever. honestly smoking opium sounds like more fun and in control way of dying, but this should actually theoretically feel good as I'm dying + it ensures death without magnets being magnets.
there. you're fucking retarded fuck you for further decaying my arthritis-ridden hands.
consider being less of a faggot, being cel won't change that for you.
it's like you don't know how dying works.
you're just being edgy to be edgy
you can't kill yourself unless you're, let's say, mentally ill. it's physically impossible, like magnets rejecting eachother if you touch the same poles against eachother. or like trying to blend oil with water.
knife do ouch, ouch bad. want die cuz ouch? make sense to do an ouch. why want die if no ouch? pill no do ouch and making dead, therefore pill good.
the real big brainies pop the real pillies, oxycodone or whatever. honestly smoking opium sounds like more fun and in control way of dying, but this should actually theoretically feel good as I'm dying + it ensures death without magnets being magnets.
there. you're fucking retarded fuck you for further decaying my arthritis-ridden hands.
consider being less of a faggot, being cel won't change that for you.
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>>237186
suicide is entirely rational in many cases no need to spoon feed a retard I am not a tard wrangler
suicide is entirely rational in many cases no need to spoon feed a retard I am not a tard wrangler
>>237138
>No /u/sadchungus you cannot kill yourself by doubling your zoloft dosage
LMFAO at this line!!
>No /u/sadchungus you cannot kill yourself by doubling your zoloft dosage
LMFAO at this line!!
There's a maori guy that used to work for my dad and, due to cognitive issues, he is now retarded. I see him walking around barely dressed and often tie up his pants and shoelaces, getting him some mouthwash for his bad breath. No matter where he goes in town, he eventually gets the absolute shit beaten out of him. I have twice seen him covered in blood and he'll casually say he was attacked, of course he's too dysfunctional to go through the cops so nothing ever comes of it. Cops just shrug that sort of thing off as "oh well" because it's too hard to investigate.
It's also human nature for people to not believe or trust someone displaying neurotic behavior, and cops aren't above this. If a bunch of teenage kids want to beat up a mentally homeless guy, the cops will come and the kids will all be happy, perceptive and fine, with each serving to back up the lie that the homeless man attacked them. The homeless man will be a blubbering, neurotic mess too scared to be honest, barely able to get a coherent narrative out and the cops will certainly take the other side. When you're actually around that level of society, you see that these malicious people have an active knowledge on how to play the cops in order to sadistically hurt vulnerable people.
It's also human nature for people to not believe or trust someone displaying neurotic behavior, and cops aren't above this. If a bunch of teenage kids want to beat up a mentally homeless guy, the cops will come and the kids will all be happy, perceptive and fine, with each serving to back up the lie that the homeless man attacked them. The homeless man will be a blubbering, neurotic mess too scared to be honest, barely able to get a coherent narrative out and the cops will certainly take the other side. When you're actually around that level of society, you see that these malicious people have an active knowledge on how to play the cops in order to sadistically hurt vulnerable people.
>>237201
And normscum would downplay that kind of thing by saying that they are "just kids" or something
And normscum would downplay that kind of thing by saying that they are "just kids" or something
>>237188
I posted a screen shot below what you replied to but I did not even have to look for an example it was the first thing I seen in the sub because it is full of attention seekers.
I posted a screen shot below what you replied to but I did not even have to look for an example it was the first thing I seen in the sub because it is full of attention seekers.
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Family, of course, dumps their new dog on me after talking about how much they want a new pet. I heavily protested from the beginning and was called a lazy loser who doesn't want to work. Dog gets here, neither of them want anything to do with it. End up walking the dog 4 times a day so it doesn't piss and shit everywhere
I hate normalfags. I hate them so fucking much
I hate normalfags. I hate them so fucking much
>>237260
It's ok.
There's not much else to say. The dog whines in front of my door constantly for playing/walks and I have to get up in the middle of the night to walk it. If I bring up the walks to my family they flat out ignore me or tell me straight to my face to fuck off. My brother was the one who was most passionate about getting the dog but was the most upfront in telling me he doesn't give a shit about it.
If I had any leverage at all I'd pick up all its dog shit and store it in my brother's room. Then just fuck off and leave when he finds out. God I hate that prick
It's ok.
There's not much else to say. The dog whines in front of my door constantly for playing/walks and I have to get up in the middle of the night to walk it. If I bring up the walks to my family they flat out ignore me or tell me straight to my face to fuck off. My brother was the one who was most passionate about getting the dog but was the most upfront in telling me he doesn't give a shit about it.
If I had any leverage at all I'd pick up all its dog shit and store it in my brother's room. Then just fuck off and leave when he finds out. God I hate that prick
>>237263
Why do you think they decided not to care about the dog as if it is a toy they are bored with I want to say that is VERY nice of you for caring for the dog but you should not have to.
those who suffer can become very compassionate do you take the dog for walks because you think it is mean to keep the dog kooped up or do you have to?
Can you maybe rehome the dog they sound like a bunch of faggots are you treated bad for being a NEET or something?
Why do you think they decided not to care about the dog as if it is a toy they are bored with I want to say that is VERY nice of you for caring for the dog but you should not have to.
those who suffer can become very compassionate do you take the dog for walks because you think it is mean to keep the dog kooped up or do you have to?
Can you maybe rehome the dog they sound like a bunch of faggots are you treated bad for being a NEET or something?
>>237264
I can't listen to the whining for long without going insane. I'm not sure if it's compassion. If I hear it for more than a couple minutes I have to get up and walk the dog. It's amazing to me that my brother can hear that shit for hours and not care at all.
There's nothing I can do about the dog. Can't rehome it. My family treats me poorly because I'm NEET.
I can't listen to the whining for long without going insane. I'm not sure if it's compassion. If I hear it for more than a couple minutes I have to get up and walk the dog. It's amazing to me that my brother can hear that shit for hours and not care at all.
There's nothing I can do about the dog. Can't rehome it. My family treats me poorly because I'm NEET.
>>237265
I guess you are dog sitter now not like you can move out right and even if you did maybe have to become a wagie and fuck that.
How long have you been a NEET is it due to mental health issues because it can take years for family to actually realize you cannot work if so.
You can tell more if you would like I am always interested in hearing about other people who are similar to myself by being a "loser".
I guess you are dog sitter now not like you can move out right and even if you did maybe have to become a wagie and fuck that.
How long have you been a NEET is it due to mental health issues because it can take years for family to actually realize you cannot work if so.
You can tell more if you would like I am always interested in hearing about other people who are similar to myself by being a "loser".
>>237266
Been around 11 years.
Mental issues, yes. I don't think about working or the future. Dealing with the present moment is difficult enough.
Been around 11 years.
Mental issues, yes. I don't think about working or the future. Dealing with the present moment is difficult enough.
I am incapable of moving past a friendship (online) I had many years ago and every sad feeling is directly connected to remembering the joy I felt those years ago sharing my time with them. This is probably why we are better off not having a friend as wizards.
When Randolph Carter was thirty he lost the key of the gate of dreams. Prior to that time he had made up for the prosiness of life by nightly excursions to strange and ancient cities beyond space, and lovely, unbelievable garden lands across ethereal seas; but as middle age hardened upon him he felt these liberties slipping away little by little, until at last he was cut off altogether. No more could his galleys sail up the river Oukranos past the gilded spires of Thran, or his elephant caravans tramp through perfumed jungles in Kled, where forgotten palaces with veined ivory columns sleep lovely and unbroken under the moon.
He had read much of things as they are, and talked with too many people. Well-meaning philosophers had taught him to look into the logical relations of things, and analyse the processes which shaped his thoughts and fancies. Wonder had gone away, and he had forgotten that all life is only a set of pictures in the brain, among which there is no difference betwixt those born of real things and those born of inward dreamings, and no cause to value the one above the other. Custom had dinned into his ears a superstitious reverence for that which tangibly and physically exists, and had made him secretly ashamed to dwell in visions. Wise men told him his simple fancies were inane and childish, and he believed it because he could see that they might easily be so. What he failed to recall was that the deeds of reality are just as inane and childish, and even more absurd because their actors persist in fancying them full of meaning and purpose as the blind cosmos grinds aimlessly on from nothing to something and from something back to nothing again, neither heeding nor knowing the wishes or existence of the minds that flicker for a second now and then in the darkness.
He had read much of things as they are, and talked with too many people. Well-meaning philosophers had taught him to look into the logical relations of things, and analyse the processes which shaped his thoughts and fancies. Wonder had gone away, and he had forgotten that all life is only a set of pictures in the brain, among which there is no difference betwixt those born of real things and those born of inward dreamings, and no cause to value the one above the other. Custom had dinned into his ears a superstitious reverence for that which tangibly and physically exists, and had made him secretly ashamed to dwell in visions. Wise men told him his simple fancies were inane and childish, and he believed it because he could see that they might easily be so. What he failed to recall was that the deeds of reality are just as inane and childish, and even more absurd because their actors persist in fancying them full of meaning and purpose as the blind cosmos grinds aimlessly on from nothing to something and from something back to nothing again, neither heeding nor knowing the wishes or existence of the minds that flicker for a second now and then in the darkness.
I can't play games because it feels like I'm wasting time so I just mindlessly surf the web which is even worse
>>237321
I have the same problem. For some reason my brain doesn't register browsing as wasting time but if I try to play a game I start getting time anxiety immediately
I have the same problem. For some reason my brain doesn't register browsing as wasting time but if I try to play a game I start getting time anxiety immediately
>>237322
As an ex long time hardcore gamer let me tell you that browsing the internet has more value than time spent gaming.
As an ex long time hardcore gamer let me tell you that browsing the internet has more value than time spent gaming.
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I know I've been talking about this subject a lot recently, but holy shit
I fucking hate teeth, dentistry is insanely expensive everywhere and full of charlatans, toothache is the most annoying pain there is, it's so easy to ruin your teeth even if you don't smoke or drink, cavities eventually lead to crowns, fillings are not permanent, it's so easy to get tooth decay in the modern society, crowns are even more expensive and implants are for the rich. Dentures are pain in the ass and can also be expensive, not to mention a fucking bone loss.
I fucking hate teeth, dentistry is insanely expensive everywhere and full of charlatans, toothache is the most annoying pain there is, it's so easy to ruin your teeth even if you don't smoke or drink, cavities eventually lead to crowns, fillings are not permanent, it's so easy to get tooth decay in the modern society, crowns are even more expensive and implants are for the rich. Dentures are pain in the ass and can also be expensive, not to mention a fucking bone loss.
>>237330
I feel you wizzie I get very paranoid about my teeth sometimes becoming convinced they are about to fall out when fine in reality.
I feel you wizzie I get very paranoid about my teeth sometimes becoming convinced they are about to fall out when fine in reality.
>>237331
My gums are fairly healthy but I have cavities in most of my teeth.
>>237330
also me
It's been a few months already, longest depression I've ever had so far. I don't want to wake up, I feel like absolute shit every morning. I'm in my mid 20s and I think it's time to start drinking. I tried to talk with my mom and she gets really angry and annoyed every time I mention my problems now.
I have some money, no anti depressants and I just want to get drunk for the 4th time in my life
My gums are fairly healthy but I have cavities in most of my teeth.
>>237330
also me
It's been a few months already, longest depression I've ever had so far. I don't want to wake up, I feel like absolute shit every morning. I'm in my mid 20s and I think it's time to start drinking. I tried to talk with my mom and she gets really angry and annoyed every time I mention my problems now.
I have some money, no anti depressants and I just want to get drunk for the 4th time in my life
I really want to distance myself from my parents and siblings, I live with them and it's not accessible for me to live on my own. it's very hard for me to cope with their noises, my dad is very angry all day long and gets angrier if I told him to stop or that it's pissing me off. He watches TV on a very high volume all day long, I can't rest during the night or day, I have zero privacy, I can't even keep my room's door closed without them screaming and knocking on it until I come out.
My brother is a typical normal person and he completely cut off all ties with me, it irritates me because I helped him throughout his educational years "even though I'm his younger brother" until he was able to enroll in a university and leave our hometown.
Sister is a teenager and I observe her becoming a typical slut every day, not that it bothers me I don't give a shit, but she picks up fights with me for no reason.
It just saddens me to have seen my parents doing everything they can to help out my brother and sister to become "functioning human beings", they gave them money, attention, clothes, took them to classes, to parks, basically everything a child could ask for, while I was mostly ignored and left to my own devices, they never cared for me or did anything memorable enough. And on top of that, I'm being treated like utter trash now, I just want to relax and spend my time in peace, but even when I stop talking to everyone and stop engaging myself in their lives, they automatically involve me in only the stressful and sorrowful situations, but I'm completely forgotten if it's a good day for everyone.
My brother is a typical normal person and he completely cut off all ties with me, it irritates me because I helped him throughout his educational years "even though I'm his younger brother" until he was able to enroll in a university and leave our hometown.
Sister is a teenager and I observe her becoming a typical slut every day, not that it bothers me I don't give a shit, but she picks up fights with me for no reason.
It just saddens me to have seen my parents doing everything they can to help out my brother and sister to become "functioning human beings", they gave them money, attention, clothes, took them to classes, to parks, basically everything a child could ask for, while I was mostly ignored and left to my own devices, they never cared for me or did anything memorable enough. And on top of that, I'm being treated like utter trash now, I just want to relax and spend my time in peace, but even when I stop talking to everyone and stop engaging myself in their lives, they automatically involve me in only the stressful and sorrowful situations, but I'm completely forgotten if it's a good day for everyone.
>>236507
Have you ever left your basement even once in your entire life? Homeless people use the gym ALL the time. Dumbass, everybody fucking knows that
Have you ever left your basement even once in your entire life? Homeless people use the gym ALL the time. Dumbass, everybody fucking knows that
>>236516
Hey jackass, school food pantries are free. You’re twisting everything he says into something harmful. Lying snake, you’re abusing a homeless person
Hey jackass, school food pantries are free. You’re twisting everything he says into something harmful. Lying snake, you’re abusing a homeless person
>>236505
Dont listen to that creep bro, good on you for being able to make it through school despite the struggle of homelessness. respect
Those kinds of people (like the other anon) will always try and find something to attack others about. In my case i dropped out of college because i had to move a bunch of times consecutively. People like that security guard and that anon would go around twisting it, telling everybody they could that “oh, that guy dropped out of school because he’s a crackhead”, “oh that guy has been to jail, he’s crazy stay away from him”. The slander made it 1000 times harder to get promoted at work and even to find jobs, because these people were relentless. To them its not just about insulting anyone who they percieve as vulnerable, it’s about trying to destroy the vulnerable. They are predators and i am also convonced they are psychopaths
Dont listen to that creep bro, good on you for being able to make it through school despite the struggle of homelessness. respect
Those kinds of people (like the other anon) will always try and find something to attack others about. In my case i dropped out of college because i had to move a bunch of times consecutively. People like that security guard and that anon would go around twisting it, telling everybody they could that “oh, that guy dropped out of school because he’s a crackhead”, “oh that guy has been to jail, he’s crazy stay away from him”. The slander made it 1000 times harder to get promoted at work and even to find jobs, because these people were relentless. To them its not just about insulting anyone who they percieve as vulnerable, it’s about trying to destroy the vulnerable. They are predators and i am also convonced they are psychopaths
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>>236498
Anyone feel completely empty nowadays? Like nothing sparks you interest or you don't care about what the fuck going on in the world? I look on the news, /pol/ and so many things happening and I just don't care. I don't care for anything and just wanna rot in my bed all day, everything feels so tiresome.
Anyone feel completely empty nowadays? Like nothing sparks you interest or you don't care about what the fuck going on in the world? I look on the news, /pol/ and so many things happening and I just don't care. I don't care for anything and just wanna rot in my bed all day, everything feels so tiresome.
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Now that I'm getting old the fact that I've never actually had a real friend or family member (outside of my parents) who actually liked being around me sometimes makes me sad.
>>237371
I'm the same but I don't really want to escape, my life may be pretty bad but I'm safe and somewhat comfy at least, the real world is 100x times worse than my safe space.
I'm the same but I don't really want to escape, my life may be pretty bad but I'm safe and somewhat comfy at least, the real world is 100x times worse than my safe space.
Haven’t had to go outside or near people for a year now. Still hasn’t allowed me to make much progress. Trying every day and failing. Life is a shit.
>>237328
Games help you escape reality. Now I understand why I started playing WoW back in the day, because my life was shit, now it's even worse but I can't just ignore it like when I was a teenager. I still want to go back to the days when I didn't care about my future, was healthy and relatively happy.
Games help you escape reality. Now I understand why I started playing WoW back in the day, because my life was shit, now it's even worse but I can't just ignore it like when I was a teenager. I still want to go back to the days when I didn't care about my future, was healthy and relatively happy.
>>237383
>be 12
>struggle through a school day being reminded you are weird
>get bullied and physically attacked on the entire walk home as usual
>turn on computer
>play runescape
>spend the entire ay fishing lobsters
We will never be able to distract ourselves from the harsh reality of life using small goals to satisfy our will
feels bad wizzie
>be 12
>struggle through a school day being reminded you are weird
>get bullied and physically attacked on the entire walk home as usual
>turn on computer
>play runescape
>spend the entire ay fishing lobsters
We will never be able to distract ourselves from the harsh reality of life using small goals to satisfy our will
feels bad wizzie
>>237384
Literally my school years
>wake up
>go to school
>sit sit the back of the class daydreaming
>go homo
>play vidya
>sleep and repeat
For me it was mid 00s source engine(hl2, css,gmod, tf2) games and WoW
>runescape
Never played it, sadly
Literally my school years
>wake up
>go to school
>sit sit the back of the class daydreaming
>go homo
>play vidya
>sleep and repeat
For me it was mid 00s source engine(hl2, css,gmod, tf2) games and WoW
>runescape
Never played it, sadly
>>237361
Amen, brother. I feel like there's no reason to grow older. I might not have seen or experienced it all, but I know enough to know that nothing will happen and no idea will occur that truly is worth to witness. It's all dull.
Amen, brother. I feel like there's no reason to grow older. I might not have seen or experienced it all, but I know enough to know that nothing will happen and no idea will occur that truly is worth to witness. It's all dull.
>>237388
That's because life is completely meaningless. It's like MMORPG, there's no end goal. If you don't enjoy the game you just quit, too bad we're just a bunch of animals and it's hard to resist our animalistic instincts. We (a pack of neurons, ego) are trapped inside these fleshly golems that care only about survival and reproduction for the sake of survival and reproduction, we don't need life but we are essentially slaves of their desires. Death is unironically a blessing.
That's because life is completely meaningless. It's like MMORPG, there's no end goal. If you don't enjoy the game you just quit, too bad we're just a bunch of animals and it's hard to resist our animalistic instincts. We (a pack of neurons, ego) are trapped inside these fleshly golems that care only about survival and reproduction for the sake of survival and reproduction, we don't need life but we are essentially slaves of their desires. Death is unironically a blessing.
>>237383
I envy people who can still escape reality. I think that's when I realized I had reach the point of no return, when my escapist hobbies stopped working.
I envy people who can still escape reality. I think that's when I realized I had reach the point of no return, when my escapist hobbies stopped working.
It's either wageslavery or death. There is no inbetweens. I hate that I am too much of a coward to choose the later. I hate that I am even born to make this choice.
>wow classic
>tbc classic
Millions of players are having fun again immersed in their fantasies and I can't afford it.
>tbc classic
Millions of players are having fun again immersed in their fantasies and I can't afford it.
I woke up in the middle of the night to severe pain in my thumb. Holy shit, I didn't know a thumb could experience so much pain. Must be all those nerve endings.
>>237415
After watching some documentaries about prisons I think prisoners are infinitely more free than me. Turns out being a moral delinquent is much more freeing than listening to what society tells you to do.
After watching some documentaries about prisons I think prisoners are infinitely more free than me. Turns out being a moral delinquent is much more freeing than listening to what society tells you to do.
>>237438
I've watched a few documentaries about death row. Imagine knowing you're going to be free of this life once you get euthanized. How is that even a punishment? I wish it was an option for everyone.
I've watched a few documentaries about death row. Imagine knowing you're going to be free of this life once you get euthanized. How is that even a punishment? I wish it was an option for everyone.
>>237438
Ignorant perspective from someone who has never been in prison.
Prisoners are hardly free bund by the screws rules and even the intricate social rules within their own groups.
Ignorant perspective from someone who has never been in prison.
Prisoners are hardly free bund by the screws rules and even the intricate social rules within their own groups.
>>237442
You're very young I assume. Gp tp hell. You have no idea what it'slike to be alive. To be forced to be living. Go to hell.
You're very young I assume. Gp tp hell. You have no idea what it'slike to be alive. To be forced to be living. Go to hell.
>>237443
Why do you assume I am young?
I may well just happen to be an older wizard who knows exactly what he is talking about.
Even if you are on deathrow it takes a long time to actually die you can kill yourself any time when you are a free man without risk of a hanging failing as you would in when confined in prison.
Why do you assume I am young?
I may well just happen to be an older wizard who knows exactly what he is talking about.
Even if you are on deathrow it takes a long time to actually die you can kill yourself any time when you are a free man without risk of a hanging failing as you would in when confined in prison.
>>237438
Dude, heed my warning. Those “documentaries” are propaganda to SOFTEN the image of the reality of prison for normies and the general public.
In reality, prisons are hellscapes. You are NOT given dental floss, toothbrushes or anything. They WILL let your teeth rot out. The nasty moldy mush, worse than dogfood and less nutritious than gravel, they serve you, WILL ENSURE your teeth fall out. If you develop a medical issue they will deliberately try to make it worse for their psychopathic amusement; you can forget about medical attention.
Guards routinely beat up, maim, and even kill inmates. You think the inmates are the bad part of prison? Not even the slightest. The owners of those places range from ambivalent in the best case scenarios (you are not going to a provate country club prison like the wallstreet chads, promise you that) to outright sinister and pure evil in the worse case scenarios.
You will never get a good night sleep because they do not give you blankets or pillows, and your “bed” is a metal surface. In fact you WILL develop back problems. You have one toilet to share with your cellmate, and you will shit right in front of the “bed”, rifht in front of eachother in a tiny cell. It will smell horrendous and linger. You WILL vomit frequently.
And to dispel one important propaganda piece: There IS NO GYM. THAT IS A LIE. In most of those admins you will be punished severely if they catch you doing pushups or situps.
But go ahead and eat up the propaganda. Pretend we do not have G.U.L.A.G. System already in this country. I warned you to stay out of prison at all costs.
Dude, heed my warning. Those “documentaries” are propaganda to SOFTEN the image of the reality of prison for normies and the general public.
In reality, prisons are hellscapes. You are NOT given dental floss, toothbrushes or anything. They WILL let your teeth rot out. The nasty moldy mush, worse than dogfood and less nutritious than gravel, they serve you, WILL ENSURE your teeth fall out. If you develop a medical issue they will deliberately try to make it worse for their psychopathic amusement; you can forget about medical attention.
Guards routinely beat up, maim, and even kill inmates. You think the inmates are the bad part of prison? Not even the slightest. The owners of those places range from ambivalent in the best case scenarios (you are not going to a provate country club prison like the wallstreet chads, promise you that) to outright sinister and pure evil in the worse case scenarios.
You will never get a good night sleep because they do not give you blankets or pillows, and your “bed” is a metal surface. In fact you WILL develop back problems. You have one toilet to share with your cellmate, and you will shit right in front of the “bed”, rifht in front of eachother in a tiny cell. It will smell horrendous and linger. You WILL vomit frequently.
And to dispel one important propaganda piece: There IS NO GYM. THAT IS A LIE. In most of those admins you will be punished severely if they catch you doing pushups or situps.
But go ahead and eat up the propaganda. Pretend we do not have G.U.L.A.G. System already in this country. I warned you to stay out of prison at all costs.
>>237448
That's state prison. My brother spent a couple months in county jail and it wasn't anywhere as bad as you say.
That's state prison. My brother spent a couple months in county jail and it wasn't anywhere as bad as you say.
>>237455
You're an idiot he probably did not want to tell you how he got raped.
Prison is horribly you jackass
You're an idiot he probably did not want to tell you how he got raped.
Prison is horribly you jackass
>>237448
>If you develop a medical issue they will deliberately try to make it worse for their psychopathic amusement; you can forget about medical attention.
This is actually true. There are a lot of deaths resulting from medical neglect in the prison population, at least in the US.
>If you develop a medical issue they will deliberately try to make it worse for their psychopathic amusement; you can forget about medical attention.
This is actually true. There are a lot of deaths resulting from medical neglect in the prison population, at least in the US.
>>237466
Even people who need a wheel chair do not get one in prison or have to wait months to years to get one and are force to rely on other prisoners helping them move.
Even people who need a wheel chair do not get one in prison or have to wait months to years to get one and are force to rely on other prisoners helping them move.
I'm so fucking tired of repeating the same bullshit rituals every day. To go through the same motions like a zombie so I can get my daily fix of good brain chemicals. Having to be constantly on the move so I wont sink. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of being entropy's bitch. I'm sick of all the minor and greater inconveniences. I'm sick of never being content. I'm sick of being a prisoner in this need machine. Demiurge, you motherfucker, I curse you.
>>237509
I think I had it two months ago. Lost the sense of smell and taste for two weeks, had high temperature, was tired all the time. No sore throat though. In general, it wasn't that bad, just like the winter flu I have every year.
I think I had it two months ago. Lost the sense of smell and taste for two weeks, had high temperature, was tired all the time. No sore throat though. In general, it wasn't that bad, just like the winter flu I have every year.
>>237505
Same. I need so many drugs to get through the day. Not being inebriated 24/7 is alien to me.
Same. I need so many drugs to get through the day. Not being inebriated 24/7 is alien to me.
has anyone else been hooked on drugs by their psych? I think I'm permanently screwed, I thought I could control it but in the end I cant
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Periodically I'll find real meaning and a sense of fulfillment in giving myself over to suffering and inaction but this eventually burns out and the bleak prospects of a future built on a past of failures continued throughout the present become oppressive until I can not stand it any longer. Time to pull myself together, mix up some mortar and lay a few more proverbial bricks until I inevitably slip on the rain-slick ground and stumble back into the clay pit again.
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>When I was twenty-two years old I felt like I had the whole world ahead of me; and I did. My father worked, and still works, in a hedge fund, and I thought maybe I could be as successful as him, in my own very different way. I thought I could become some sort of extremely high-level scholar. After completing my competitive public high school with a 4.3 GPA, I was admitted into the University of Chicago, which I presumed would be a lot of work, but doable.
>I remember studying Karl Marx in sociology class with what seemed like some of the best and brightest minds I had ever encountered. However, I had one weakness, and it was that I liked to party. Don’t get me wrong, I was never the frat, beer-guzzling type of guy. No, I had more “cerebral” interests in terms of substances– like “research chemicals.”
>While at the University of Chicago, I quickly became enthralled with websites that detailed users’ experiences with virtually any substance you can imagine. I soon acquired a Chinese research chemical which is basically synthetic magic mushrooms.
>It was much later on, after I had transferred to NYU, in order to become closer to my home unit and friends, that I took the chemical. I consumed it right smack in the middle of Times Square, and I took too much. This landed me in Bellevue Hospital, and it was soon after that event that I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type.
>Whether or not it was drugs that triggered my illness, it’s not important.
>I remember studying Karl Marx in sociology class with what seemed like some of the best and brightest minds I had ever encountered. However, I had one weakness, and it was that I liked to party. Don’t get me wrong, I was never the frat, beer-guzzling type of guy. No, I had more “cerebral” interests in terms of substances– like “research chemicals.”
>While at the University of Chicago, I quickly became enthralled with websites that detailed users’ experiences with virtually any substance you can imagine. I soon acquired a Chinese research chemical which is basically synthetic magic mushrooms.
>It was much later on, after I had transferred to NYU, in order to become closer to my home unit and friends, that I took the chemical. I consumed it right smack in the middle of Times Square, and I took too much. This landed me in Bellevue Hospital, and it was soon after that event that I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type.
>Whether or not it was drugs that triggered my illness, it’s not important.
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I will never amount to anything, the more I try to think and make mental effort my head hurts, feels like blood is pressing my brain & skull and I feel fog around my eyes. My IQ is 89.
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>>237512
ALL drugs lead to addiction. Go cold turkey until you're better. You can get off them
ALL drugs lead to addiction. Go cold turkey until you're better. You can get off them
>>237635
I have schizophrenic friend, in his book he has described in details how he loves to think, he is thinking constantly, sometime he spends 3 hours for dinner due to intensive thinking while eating. He is broken beyond salvation too.
I have schizophrenic friend, in his book he has described in details how he loves to think, he is thinking constantly, sometime he spends 3 hours for dinner due to intensive thinking while eating. He is broken beyond salvation too.
>>237636
dogshit graph, that is based on fucking what? Did they test every single person in that country?
dogshit graph, that is based on fucking what? Did they test every single person in that country?
Someone told me that if I have anhedonia I just have to force myself to do things and it will be fun. They said the problem is getting started not the enjoyment.
Forced myself to play minecraft for hours. Bored all the way through. It's done.
Forced myself to play minecraft for hours. Bored all the way through. It's done.
>>237712
That's completely wrong. The way to cure anhedonia is to do absolutely nothing at all. Just sit down and stare at the wall for an hour or two.
That's completely wrong. The way to cure anhedonia is to do absolutely nothing at all. Just sit down and stare at the wall for an hour or two.
>>237715
Nothing is fun. Literally nothing. Every time I start something all I can think is "I can't wait for this to be over so I can go back to zoning out".
Nothing is fun. Literally nothing. Every time I start something all I can think is "I can't wait for this to be over so I can go back to zoning out".
>>237718
What if the something that I am driven to do is to do nothing? Am I doing something or nothing?
What if the something that I am driven to do is to do nothing? Am I doing something or nothing?
>>237720
I don't want to do anything but keep myself alive with as little effort as possible. It would be a blessing to continue to do nothing.
I don't want to do anything but keep myself alive with as little effort as possible. It would be a blessing to continue to do nothing.
>>237728
I just read an excerpt from some psychology book and that motherfucker was calling this behavior a 'narrowed life experience'. Psychology is such a clown discipline. How are these fuckers even paid.
I just read an excerpt from some psychology book and that motherfucker was calling this behavior a 'narrowed life experience'. Psychology is such a clown discipline. How are these fuckers even paid.
>>237712
Do you expect us to hold your hand and find a solution for you based on so little information? There are numerous ways to combat anhedonia but from what I gather it doesn't matter for you since you don't even try.
Discipline and willpower are always your best friends.
Do you expect us to hold your hand and find a solution for you based on so little information? There are numerous ways to combat anhedonia but from what I gather it doesn't matter for you since you don't even try.
Discipline and willpower are always your best friends.
>>237756
>Discipline and willpower
These usually work with getting through annoying tasks, but you can't WILL yourself to enjoy something. It can't really be brute-forced since getting through anhedonia requires a subtle change in how you perceive various activities.
Sometimes, doing nothing helps, sometimes you have to try new things, sometimes you have to get through an initial bump in the road. It might as well be random since no one understands the condition beyond describing it as a lack of drive to do things.
>Discipline and willpower
These usually work with getting through annoying tasks, but you can't WILL yourself to enjoy something. It can't really be brute-forced since getting through anhedonia requires a subtle change in how you perceive various activities.
Sometimes, doing nothing helps, sometimes you have to try new things, sometimes you have to get through an initial bump in the road. It might as well be random since no one understands the condition beyond describing it as a lack of drive to do things.
>>237757
You already blogposted by posting about your life.
>waste of time
Says the guy who considers doing nothing a good way to spend his time.
>>237758
Willpower and discipline helped me defeat anhedonia. I had no drive to do anything yet I forced myself. And wonders, it worked. Anhedonia is a side effect of a lazy and undisciplined way of life. Sure it is easier to just masturbate and to listen to music but reading books and watching movies give me more pleasure at the end of the day so I force myself to watch movies or read books even if I'm not in the mood at first. Letting your mood and emotions to control your life is just laughable.
You already blogposted by posting about your life.
>waste of time
Says the guy who considers doing nothing a good way to spend his time.
>>237758
Willpower and discipline helped me defeat anhedonia. I had no drive to do anything yet I forced myself. And wonders, it worked. Anhedonia is a side effect of a lazy and undisciplined way of life. Sure it is easier to just masturbate and to listen to music but reading books and watching movies give me more pleasure at the end of the day so I force myself to watch movies or read books even if I'm not in the mood at first. Letting your mood and emotions to control your life is just laughable.
My mother has been neglecting her health and refusing to go to a doctor for a long time. Now her legs are heavily swollen and from today she became unable to stand up by herself. She has been calling me to lift her from the bed to the bathroom and from the bathroom back to bed, which she does several times a day (three times over the last two and a half hours). She still refuses professional help. I'm in for some long weeks, maybe months or even years.
>>237761
Unless you want to be her servant until she dies you need to refuse to help any more until she gets medical help.
Unless you want to be her servant until she dies you need to refuse to help any more until she gets medical help.
>>237763
It's quite hard for me to say no to her. I'm thinking about just calling emergency and see if they can convince her. She is an old succubus who can't stand up, they must agree about intervention.
It's quite hard for me to say no to her. I'm thinking about just calling emergency and see if they can convince her. She is an old succubus who can't stand up, they must agree about intervention.
My brother is demonic and I refuse to believe I am in anyway related to him. He is the most disgusting and vile piece of humanity I have or will ever known. Words don't come out of his mouth, just grunts, ogreish sounds. Evil. He's violent, agressive. he's literally an animal masqourading as a human. He always beats me and yet has the voice of a fucking four year old, I'm the shortest person in this house. I am going to buy a gun and fucking kill him, and then force my mother at gunpoint to eat his corpse or else I shoot her too.
Subhuman, disgusting, both of them retarded both of them evil. Every single night I have to fucking hear them yelling and screaming and crying
If you complain about spelling in this post I will rape you so neither of us will be able to post here. You should be happy I am willing to do that for you, all of you people are so fucking vile and are no different to the "normalfags" you all bitcha nd complain about, you're all the fuckign same die die die die all of you speak and talk and act the same all of your problems are so mundane die die die die you bitch about the stupdiest dumbest things the only reason I'm alive is so I can see you off yourself "but why are you here then" because I have nowhere else t ogo
I want to kill kill, maybe I'll kill a neighbor maybe Ill just run over a bucnh of a children
This is what God wants me to do, nothing else in my life leads me to think otherwise, I try to stop it but it becomes more and more obvious this is what he loves and enjoys so I will do it for him. Everyone I talk to is nothing but some vile disgusting demon that just urges me to descend on thier level since chioldohood so I just fucking give up I am going to fufkcing cut up pregnant womena nd force thme to eat their fucking fetsues
Subhuman, disgusting, both of them retarded both of them evil. Every single night I have to fucking hear them yelling and screaming and crying
If you complain about spelling in this post I will rape you so neither of us will be able to post here. You should be happy I am willing to do that for you, all of you people are so fucking vile and are no different to the "normalfags" you all bitcha nd complain about, you're all the fuckign same die die die die all of you speak and talk and act the same all of your problems are so mundane die die die die you bitch about the stupdiest dumbest things the only reason I'm alive is so I can see you off yourself "but why are you here then" because I have nowhere else t ogo
I want to kill kill, maybe I'll kill a neighbor maybe Ill just run over a bucnh of a children
This is what God wants me to do, nothing else in my life leads me to think otherwise, I try to stop it but it becomes more and more obvious this is what he loves and enjoys so I will do it for him. Everyone I talk to is nothing but some vile disgusting demon that just urges me to descend on thier level since chioldohood so I just fucking give up I am going to fufkcing cut up pregnant womena nd force thme to eat their fucking fetsues
i have no desire to do anything except read but my parents are probably gonna kick me out of the house. Work will be shit because I'm too autistic to hold decent conversations. Why was I even born.
I know nobody give a shit since it's just a repeat of the general sentiment here but I am going to quit my job soon and will probably kill myself in a few years. The reason is juvenile and all too familiar: I hate wageslaving. I was too cowardly to commit suicide before. I thought I'll just have to get a job and wait patiently until my natural death. I got a job at a place by nepotism and work in a relaxed environment with good people. But even this is too much for me. If this is what's in store for me for the next 50 years then I think I might find the courage to kill myself this time.
>>237783
I commiserate. It's ridiculous to think that we suddenly exist when we didn't before and what our inscrutable and otherworldly consciousness gets to experience is a completely banal and miserable lifetime. After that, we cease to be again. Ridiculous.
>>237783
I commiserate. It's ridiculous to think that we suddenly exist when we didn't before and what our inscrutable and otherworldly consciousness gets to experience is a completely banal and miserable lifetime. After that, we cease to be again. Ridiculous.
>>237784
You can't tell if you truly cease to be. That is the reason I keep on existing and not devising any plans to kill myself. It may be even worse after death. This fucking uncertainty and fear of the unknown are YHWH's best tools to keep his biorobots online - his cattle which he uses to gather energy of suffering he stuffs his demonic belly with, and the damned Sansara going on, round and round.
You can't tell if you truly cease to be. That is the reason I keep on existing and not devising any plans to kill myself. It may be even worse after death. This fucking uncertainty and fear of the unknown are YHWH's best tools to keep his biorobots online - his cattle which he uses to gather energy of suffering he stuffs his demonic belly with, and the damned Sansara going on, round and round.
>>237797
What do people do when they reach 60 years old with no retirement? Don't they have to work anyway and find some shitty jobs to do?
What do people do when they reach 60 years old with no retirement? Don't they have to work anyway and find some shitty jobs to do?
My memories from school when I was between 10-15 are actually so bad that I repressed them, I literally can't remember anything school related about those years, is like I timeskipped 5 years of my life, but its probably for the best.
I always made fun of people with free represses memories and asked myself how could you completely forget years of your life, I know now and its a very weird feeling.
I always made fun of people with free represses memories and asked myself how could you completely forget years of your life, I know now and its a very weird feeling.
>>237784
I think the same, the constant anxiety and pressure of wageslaving is driving me insane. I often fantasize about just throwing everything, frugally live from savings some years and then kill myself but I'm a coward and I stick to this torture.
I think the same, the constant anxiety and pressure of wageslaving is driving me insane. I often fantasize about just throwing everything, frugally live from savings some years and then kill myself but I'm a coward and I stick to this torture.
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Do children have like a special sense to spot weird people? I was just walking outside and two little succubi walked by and one of them said to the other in their respective language: 'What kind of human is that?' I mean I often do feel alienated but this is scary.
I've been working at a warehouse for minimum wage for around two months now. In that time, maybe thirty people have been fired. Everyone I talk to, especially those who have been there a long time (over a year or so) tell me they can't stand the place and the management, and yet there isn't much else in my region. People look at their statistics every day to see if they are bottom of the table so people are constantly on edge. It's quite an eye-opening experience, and has reminded me how much some people have to struggle for even the most meagre of footholds in society. This world is an absolute mess and I am genuinely looking forward to getting out of here.
>>237839
They are struggling because they are stupid. It's really not that hard to make money in this society. If you have to resort to selling your body in hard labor that's on you.
They are struggling because they are stupid. It's really not that hard to make money in this society. If you have to resort to selling your body in hard labor that's on you.
>>237840
>because they are stupid.
I remember studies showing IQ tests by profession and there's quite a bell curve everywhere. There are literal janitors out there that have higher IQs than the bottom level university professors.
Sure, you can fuck off to a major city and have your choice in a job, and then what, pay the extra money in rent and be away from your family? I lot of those people in shitty jobs in the rust belt don't want to be alone so they put up with it.
>because they are stupid.
I remember studies showing IQ tests by profession and there's quite a bell curve everywhere. There are literal janitors out there that have higher IQs than the bottom level university professors.
Sure, you can fuck off to a major city and have your choice in a job, and then what, pay the extra money in rent and be away from your family? I lot of those people in shitty jobs in the rust belt don't want to be alone so they put up with it.
>>237840
No it isn't you braindead piece of shit crab, fuck off from here. It's still hard for people to get jobs, even with degrees and a bunch of certs WHICH YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR. Shut the fuck up and stop pretending you understand anything about people and society you spoiled brat.
No it isn't you braindead piece of shit crab, fuck off from here. It's still hard for people to get jobs, even with degrees and a bunch of certs WHICH YOU HAVE TO PAY FOR. Shut the fuck up and stop pretending you understand anything about people and society you spoiled brat.
>>237844
It's hard for you to get jobs because you're lazy and unwilling to put in the work to become skilled and marketable. This is the life you all chose.
It's hard for you to get jobs because you're lazy and unwilling to put in the work to become skilled and marketable. This is the life you all chose.
>>237844
You shouldn't get mad. At some point in your life you have to see that if you can't maintain simplistic thoughts like that you're fucked. That's how 90% of the human race experiences the world. That's how easy they have it. Suicide is the best option for anyone who cannot believe or maintain thoughts like that - you're already losing. This is their world.
You shouldn't get mad. At some point in your life you have to see that if you can't maintain simplistic thoughts like that you're fucked. That's how 90% of the human race experiences the world. That's how easy they have it. Suicide is the best option for anyone who cannot believe or maintain thoughts like that - you're already losing. This is their world.
>>237840
>They are struggling because they are stupid. It's really not that hard to make money in this society. If you have to resort to selling your body in hard labor that's on you.
Every single guy I've heard saying this is the son of some rich motherfucker, a trust fund baby basically.
If your daddy gives you money and hires you to do some idiotic shit at his company of course money will come easy.
>They are struggling because they are stupid. It's really not that hard to make money in this society. If you have to resort to selling your body in hard labor that's on you.
Every single guy I've heard saying this is the son of some rich motherfucker, a trust fund baby basically.
If your daddy gives you money and hires you to do some idiotic shit at his company of course money will come easy.
>>237849
>yes just get a 60k out of nowhere, how come people are poor? its so easy! and all of the education is free and ez pz!!! ur just lazy xddd
You crabs are the most insufferable.
>yes just get a 60k out of nowhere, how come people are poor? its so easy! and all of the education is free and ez pz!!! ur just lazy xddd
You crabs are the most insufferable.
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>>237849
Why? I have no ambitions because human life is ultimately worthless and we only live once, I'm too much of a pussy to kms and there are still too many books to read and games to play. All I want is relatively easy low paying job.
Why? I have no ambitions because human life is ultimately worthless and we only live once, I'm too much of a pussy to kms and there are still too many books to read and games to play. All I want is relatively easy low paying job.
>>237886
I can't even get a low paying job so there's that. NEET life is best life anyway. Not everyone is cut out for this ultra competitive, survival of the fittest nonsense.
I can't even get a low paying job so there's that. NEET life is best life anyway. Not everyone is cut out for this ultra competitive, survival of the fittest nonsense.
God dammit, my mother is such a cunt at times. Today she mad at my sister/her daughter for being a rebel retard, normally I wouldnt care since she normally calms down after a while, but this time is different as she literally SMASHED HER FUCKING PHONE WITH A HAMMER, the same exact phone that contains the 2fa for my bitcoin account that contained 1 whole bitcoin (essentially wasting 20k dollars). You'd think she's some rich spoilt succubus but no we're barely middle-class, I literally dont fucking know why she did such a retarded thing, due to anger I threw her flowers in the bin but now I realised that was a mistake and she'll probably smash my computer too. God fucking dammit I wish I just died by a brain aneurysm.
>>237894
actually she wasted FORTY THOUSAND DOLLARS, it's just that we bought it when it was around 20k
actually she wasted FORTY THOUSAND DOLLARS, it's just that we bought it when it was around 20k
Was about to go to sleep when my body suddenly started heating up out of nowhere and it feels like I rubbed menthol ointment all over my body. Thanks demiurge.
>>237901
She broke her own phone (yes I put my 2fa on her phone, dont ask why), I didnt know she would even do that since she always go on a rant about how you shouldnt let your anger control yourself and what not.
She broke her own phone (yes I put my 2fa on her phone, dont ask why), I didnt know she would even do that since she always go on a rant about how you shouldnt let your anger control yourself and what not.
Could you have ever imagined as a child that your life would turn out this horrible? For me, I think about how much better life was a kid compared to now that it doesn't even seem like it's happening to the same person. It's quite like the difference between a dream and reality. I find myself constantly indulging in nostalgic things just to try and keep my mind of the present and go back to when I was actually happy. Nothing seems to work though. I feel like if I just recreate certain moments of my youth maybe magically I might time travel backwards.
I'm trying so hard but every day it gets harder to stay positive. I can feel my passion for things slowly draining. I used to be able to get a lot done in a day, learning computer skills and working on pet projects. I havent done much all week. I don't have the words to describe it accurately, but it feels like a weight on my soul or heart or whatever and I don't know how to get rid of it.
Is all the horrible things normalcattle and my normalnigger family catching up with me? Going outside gives makes me feel anxious. I used to ignore everything else because at least I was doing something that made me happy, but now I barely have the energy to force myself out of bed.
Why can't I stop crying?
Is all the horrible things normalcattle and my normalnigger family catching up with me? Going outside gives makes me feel anxious. I used to ignore everything else because at least I was doing something that made me happy, but now I barely have the energy to force myself out of bed.
Why can't I stop crying?
Will be 30 in a couple of months and I begin to see why you are not considered a wizard until 30. People expect me to be married and with a career. Family is old and decrepit. What few "friends" I have gradually abandoned me over the past decade as I am not profitable. I see now that profit and domination are the prime motivators of nearly all people and I cannot help but be disgusted. The deception that holds a stranglehold on the people irks me. I cannot stand communication with others because I know they are liars and I cannot help but lie too though I try not to. I feel novel pains in my body and know that I will have to face the decay alone. No support in 10 years time except for that which I can purchase. Social groups are useful because people pick up your slack if you promise to do the same when they need it. If you are excluded due to whatever combination of eccentricites made you a wizard, you are essentially marked for death in a very insidious way. Humans are hell incarnate.
>>236515
There's a lot of truth too this, especially finding some type of fake virtue in their weakness much like SJWs do, I wonder how similar at the core many liberal/virtue signalling wizzies and crabs are with SJWs.
There's a lot of truth too this, especially finding some type of fake virtue in their weakness much like SJWs do, I wonder how similar at the core many liberal/virtue signalling wizzies and crabs are with SJWs.
>>236579
I'm not even American, but from what I've heard you need to go to a state which does not have the red flag laws, which are laws written by normalgroids that if you have any history in mental assylums/institutes or any history of mentall illness then you're not allowed a gun, they do this because they think mentally ill crabs are the ones shooting up schools.
I'm not even American, but from what I've heard you need to go to a state which does not have the red flag laws, which are laws written by normalgroids that if you have any history in mental assylums/institutes or any history of mentall illness then you're not allowed a gun, they do this because they think mentally ill crabs are the ones shooting up schools.
I am dying supposedly and I can't even think about anything except going back to school or working lately. Which would be pointless. I don't even know if I have enough time to hit 60 on WoW and treatment numbers in the teens of millions. I want to learn and live good damn it, they gave me a lethal injection as I tried to live my dreams of becoming a genius, it's not fair at all. I never hurt anyone that bad to deserve that. I'm not gone yet though and I will miss you guys on here.
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