I am 22 years old and have literally spent on/off the last seven or so years trying to cope with the way I was insulted and mocked by nearly everyone in class,including literal succubus, whislt I just quietly sat there, taking the brunt of it. I would go into depth regarding my situation, but I don't want to be humiliated anyfurther.
>>246753 It's all the unreleased emotional sress and fustration, the stares,snide remarks and constant sneers has left me filled with regrets and the worst part is I was, too weak and insecure to do anything. At least 37% of the population in urban cities is comprised of souless husks
Sounds like you're traumatized and your brain keeps reminding you of it. The only real way through it is to disprove what the trauma is telling you i.e. people will always put you down because you're an unwanted loser. You do that through experience, rather than contemplation the idea. One way would be to find a group of people that accept you and treat you with warmth and kindness, eventually you unlearn the unconscious expectation of that put down and social interaction will start to feel normal. Talking to other people (that you trust) about your issues also helps. You'll be surprised when you first open up to someone about something really painful and humiliating and instead of getting put down and mocked, you get this warm understanding and empathy. Those kinds of experiences are what you need to "unlearn" the trauma.
In general, psychological trauma is just significant emotional experiences that leave an imprint in the form of unconscious knowledge, what you instinctively and implicitly know which controls your automatic emotional reactions. There's nothing inherently dysfunctional about trauma since it's just learning, in terms of evolution, these constant emotional reminders would keep you safe from potentially dangerous situations. However, it can also be pretty limiting and painful and not worth the "safety" it brings.
A trauma could be an experience where you felt powerless physically, socially, emotionally and so on, and that leaves you with the unconscious knowledge "I can't deal with X situation" and painful emotions rise up anytime you perceive that situation rise up as a possibility. Usually, there's specific triggers centered around a theme, which you might be aware of or not. Next time you feel this way, simply observe what occurred at that moment, was it a thought, some memory, a person, a group of people. For instance, you might pass a bunch of children being loud on the street playing and you suddenly start remembering all that bullying you experienced. A short-term cope is to be aware of triggers and avoid them, but it's not a real solution in any way.
>>246762 alternatively study pessimism whilst questioning the philosophy along with some eastern ideas so you end up apathetic while accepting the hell. if you ask me- this chap is still salvageable because he has fucks to give.
>>246766 this might also mean that you need to do something to make you proud of yourself, I dont necessarily think you need to start making contact with people
Stop being a faggot. Do stuff with your life NOW and your past won't have time to haunt you so much. Sit around doing nothing and it will eat away and consume you.
>>246752 You are high in the trait neuroticism, this is common in wizards. Try psilocybin, just one use tends to create personality changes that are relieving for these types of things.
>>246819 Why do all these hippie tree-huggers think their magic earth hallucinogens magically cure everything? Getting high on some poisonous mushroom isn't going to change your life, there is no magic cure-all medicine in life, anyone that says otherwise is touting snake oil
>>246827 Yeah they can help some, they can also let you experience a terrible trip which may even make you hate the world even more, make you psychotic etc the list goes on. When >>246819 this guy says when it can induce positive personality changes it can very easily fuck up ur brain even more. Why even take the gamble unless ur severely fucked already?
>>246774 >>246766 My trauma stems from past failure in college. I am pressured to pursue this line of work since its in demand but im always reminded of how much i suck at it(partly because of trauma, partly because i actually suck). What should i focus on in this situation? I'm thinking of giving up but neeting isn't really an option… There are days when the pressure builds up and i can't sleep. I'm so tired and also embarassed.
>>246825 I'm the wiz you're replying to, psilocybin tends to produce permanent changes in personality from just 1 use. There's plenty of evidence for this, I would even call it brain damage to be honest but so what? Everything is a form of modifying your brain structure, even having a soda. Arbitrarily hating drugs isn't rational since all we are is a particular composition of chemicals that is constantly changing anyway. Sleeping isn't that different from killing yourself.
You may think things are bad now but they're going to get so much worse.
>>246819 I knew a couple of people who tried to fix themselves with the retard mushrooms and other delusion inducing drugs. Each of them turned paranoid, borderline schizophrenic. I don't mind working with neurotic people but I can't stand having to listen to conspiracy nuts rambling about how the magic substance let them see through the facade and now they know they're imprisoned in a Truman Show style jail or being gangstalked by agents of the quantum simulation administrators or whatever. Sometimes I'm glad I only ever worked dead end minimum wage jobs because I can just leave when the fried brain druggies get too annoying.
>>246898 >bad trips are rare if you are a neurotic anxious mentally ill wizard you will not have a fun time on any psychodelic substance, if youve done these kinda drugs and you are here browsing the /dep/ board that is proof enough that your shit-fungi didnt do anything for you
>>246898 >bad trips are rare dependso n the person. bad trips from LSD and shrooms in usual doses are rare when you know how to mind over matter it but go ahead and do DMT buddy because you get what you are served. >bad trips stupid term since it is judging a trip as bad because it was not fun in the moment when it can drastically improve your psyche. >>246899 dont do it then, no one should do something they don't want to do. before you die at least pop your psychedelic cherry though
>>246901 >before you die at least pop your psychedelic cherry cut the peer pressure, you're a brainfried retard, don't do drugs, they dont do anything good for you, they make you into an idiot
>>246902 what peer pressure? I told him not to do anything he does not want to do but to die without ever tripping is a shame. Drugs make people stupid? you are joking are you not because that is ignorant
don't cope with the past. let it hurt as it should. however it's time to move on. get into employment or training and start building your life. you're young, you've got this brother.
>>247012 taking a pill for few dollars for a fascinating experience with negligible risk, alone in your room. If you reject all worldly pleasures then I suppose you are a very hardcore monk and don't fit in well on this site
>>246752 Im a little older and feel the exact way too. Best advice is learn to live with your limitations and adapt your life to them no magic cure for this trauma
if you're buying off the street or the internet, there's actually a fairly high chance it's not the drug you ordered and/or it's laced with other shit. unless you do a drug kit test and check, it could be anything.
also, there is a particular kind of retardation in believing colorful and disorienting experiences will somehow re-organize your psyche properly by pure chance. it can be fun if you're into that kind of shallow shit, but real insight is something you reach sober and stays with you afterwards. DUDE I SAW VIBRANT TRIANGLES WOAH and then you come back to your boring ass life with supposed "insight" on the tip of your tongue that you will never be able to articulate and you'll forget in a day.
>>247267 They were talking about psychedelics. it is very, very easy to obtain safe lsd and mushrooms. You can just get a piece of undetectable paper in the mail from a long-term seller with thousands of reviews.
The rest of your comment is obviously proven wrong by all the experiences that people report, even peer-reviewed scientific studies now show this and back it's psychiatric usecases. I havent tripped for over 5 years now but i vividly remember it; i feel that it was one of the most profound experiences of my life and that makes it true
>>247202 My point was to demonstrate how stupid the rhetoric of "missing out" is. There's a million other things that YOU are missing out on because you aren't doing them and nothing is stopping you. But it's not a damn shame if you never experience any of it. It's not worth a damn.
>>247273 >i feel that it was one of the most profound experiences of my life and that makes it true
right, but that's the thing, the feeling of it being profound is just all the chemicals that flooded your brain. it didn't come from an actual profound realization that you could articulate, communicate and come back to any time you want. once you come down, you are not richer in any sense, except for a memory of trivial visual hallucinations and a feeling that it meant something, but alas, all the meaning just disappeared into the pisser next morning.
furthermore, you can extend this to all pleasurable experiences coming from drugs, the fundamental difference between natural pleasure and artificially induced pleasure is precisely the lack of substantiation in the real world. this is why these experiences will always be empty and nothing more than shallow enjoyment.
what you are doing, fundamentally, is confusing the feeling of profound insight for the real thing, like getting tricked by a printed label on a box full of shit. in natural circumstances, feelings are signifiers of meaning, but when you mess with that biological machinery, you don't magically get things out of nothing. which is why drug addicts don't become successful people, just because they can simulate the feeling of elation of succeeding.
>>247318 I disagree with essentially everything in this post. >it didn't come from an actual profound realization that you could articulate, communicate and come back to any time you want False. I still remember. It has left me with very strong memories and insights that are part of my core worldview. Some things I wrote down and they still make sense. I have a lasting, modified worldview that remains justified and communicable. This is not unusual, as is contained within the results of many studies and trip reports. It is also shown by authors and artists that reference their drug experiences - this is extremely common. Brain scans further show that psychedelics have a lasting effect on the brain in a way that appears to undo damage from depression.
Some things can't be held onto and communicated outside the trip, but that doesn't make it inauthentic. There is no objectively authentic state of mind. >the fundamental difference between natural pleasure and artificially induced pleasure is precisely the lack of substantiation in the real world. this is why these experiences will always be empty and nothing more than shallow enjoyment. Why should someone feel pleasure from tasting food, or doing exercise that produces endorphins? You're referring to some sort of 'real meaning' from the real world, but there is no meaning to be found. Substantiation in the 'real world' has no bearing whatsoever on whether the experience is empty. Regardless of drug use, humans have an inner life that determines what is shallow or not to them. You can cut yourself like a teenage succubus and produce endorphins in your brain; that doesn't make that "pleasurable experience" more valid than pleasure from a drug. We are just animals with neurochemistry that is constantly affected by chemicals.
A shift in your state of mind is not unlike visiting a different country. In the end, when it is over, all you are left with is the memory. Your physical life remains the same once you return to your country of origin. But in both cases you experienced life in a modified way, which can allow you to see things that you would have otherwise missed. A fish may not realise it is wet, and what it feels like, unless it has jumped out into the air to see that there is a medium, and provide something to make comparison with. If you had never been cold, then after experiencing the cold you may forever feel differently about being hot
>>247323 >Why should someone feel pleasure from tasting food, or doing exercise that produces endorphins?
because there is a difference between eating food and being satiated by it, and taking some chemical that just gives you the feeling of being satiated and full. the end result of the second one is that you end up malnourished or dead, because empty experiences cannot sustain you…
you are thinking like a true reductionist that believes he lives like a brain in a jar, rather than someone who is embodied in the real world and relies on emotions and feelings to communicate truth about his environment in order to survive and thrive.
i won't try to argue about your subjective experience because there is no point, you can always claim things i cannot verify. i won't deny that it feels profound to you, but trust me anon, there's nothing there but your post hoc rationalizations. you felt that way because of an explosion of chemicals that you were lucky didn't fry your normal functioning biological machinery. you can't articulate it beyond pushing others to try some "risk free" drug produced god knows where…
>>247332 I suppose you are against videogames, films, the internet and all forms of art? They are empty experiences too by your description, are they not? Why dont I see you spending your time arguing in those threads, since they are taking over the lives of all of society
>>247370 huge jump from drugs to art there buddy. art is about expression, it's an experience that can be shared, communicated and pondered. if you feel an emotion towards a painting, the thing that caused the emotion is actually there in reality, in a representation but still referencing something real and true, rather than someone injecting a chemical that creates the emotion out of nothing.
taking drugs is like staring at a blank canvas, hallucinating and having a really big sense that there is something meaningful there but you can neither articulate it or point to it. again, you're getting tricked by the label on the box, you are used to emotions having meaning, so when you feel happy, something good actually happened that you can point to in reality. when you fuck with that machinery and feel arbitrarily happy, reality doesn't magically change with it, your mind is just lying to you.
>>247373 >taking drugs is like staring at a blank canvas, hallucinating and having a really big sense that there is something meaningful there but you can neither articulate it or point to it modernart.jpg
>>247373 >it's an experience that can be shared, communicated and pondered. So are drug experiences. I suggest that you read Aldous Huxley's book The Doors of Perception.
Drugs don't remove you from physical reality. One of my favourite things to do while tripping is to look at paintings. Every time I will notice details or metaphors that I missed before. Years later I still look at the same paintings and remember what I noticed while high: genuine details and intentional symbols that are really there, that I discovered by using the drug as a tool. People likewise use psychedelics to produce art, which communicates their experiences and thoughts, and provides material for others to consume for years to come. Much popular art has been produced while under the influence of drugs.
all advice i can find about the trauma/abuse is in lines of >focus on here and now or just stop thinking about it but what if there's nothing else to focus on? no job, no hobbies, no friends/family, no vidya/anime how i'm not supposed to be this empty husk filled with regret and pain when there's nothing ahead of me
>>246819 >psilocybin Just get 4-AcO-DMT. It's basically the same experience as shrooms, except you don't have to eat disgusting fungal material. You can get it from Canadian RC vendors like ChemLogix or The Indole Shop. You could also try other substituted tryptamines, like 4-HO-MET or 4-HO-MiPT.
>>249592 do DMT instead but actually have it as the tea so not just DMT but root bark. shroom shit alone wont be as effective as a full on experience on DMT. 4ACODMT never hit me like DMT smoked or taken orally
>>246752 If you're highly neurotic like I am then there is no way. There's a 4 year period of the most horrible time of my life that I often obsess about and I have written every bad and good thing that happened to me in those years. Somewhat helped but can't let it go. Just have to keep going regardless.
>>246752 Same, when you're ostracised by literally everyone at such a crucial young age it hinders your mental development and it feels like you're a ghost living in peoples' walls.
>>247273 Psychedelics are horrible. Do not fucking touch psychedelics anyone here reading this…you can get PTSD from psychedelics of course you will never see anyone on the internet mention that.
>>246852 >>251555 >>251556 I'm very fucked up, but LSD was the best thing i ever did, it helped more than anything else. There are many, many similar stories. >“I remember being nineteen years old, twelve hours into an LSD trip. I was sitting under a tree and I just started to weep, and I saw what my upbringing had done to me. I saw the resentment of my parents and my callowness and my immaturity and my… And I sat there for about an hour and cried this stuff out. And got up a better person. And to this day, I’ve never had to go back and revisit those things and then I could call up my parents and tell them I love them and I could accept their Catholicism and their conservatism and the differences. It was just like ten years of psychotherapy in an hour. And it was real. So that’s worth everything." Terence Mckenna
>>247471 in the 'here and now' are small joys like a cup of coffee, food, having a walk and breathing in the air. If you could somehow get yourself in a healthy state of mind then you could appreciate those things, but mental constructs hold you back, as with most people after we are psychologically mutilated by our toxic societies in childhood >>249591 the future doesnt exist, it is a concept. You are saying the opposite of all buddhist teachings. Your comment is typical of toxic western ideologies that push us to spend our whole lives wageslaving for a promised future that never even comes
You have it easy i have gone through psychological abuse that lasted years, that persists to this day. My only way out is kill or be killed I'm looking to move but i literally can't because nobody will hire me. I'm on various medications just to live day by day Most people would've killed themselves by now.
>>251557 Taking psychedelics and just lying down in a dark room to be alone with my thoughts is probably my favorite thing in life. I would credit that to developing my stunted senses of self-awareness and empathy. Still not buying all the shit about novelty theory and otherworldly beings, but Terence McKenna has said plenty else that I can agree with.
>>251554 I posted this green text post last night. In case its not clear I quoted this because you make it sound like thats easy. To me that seems impossible
>>251557 that is not going to happen for any wiz thats clearly a quote from a normie. Maybe it worked for you but you are in the tiny minority of wizes who would not have a completely horrible experience from psychedelics. I had absolutely horrible experiences with low doses of lsd and shrooms, a bad trip every single time. However you are feeling before you take shrooms they will make you feel ten times worse.
People here do not need anything that will make their mental health worse or ruin them more and psychedelics have a very, very powerful ability to ruin anyone's mental health, these substances are incredibly powerful. Even the most mentally healthy person can get PTSD from a bad trip or just never be the same again after taking psychedelics. People here need psychiatric medication. I wouldn't be suprised if you are actually trying to get people hurt here by deceiving them into taking these dangerous substances. I don't see how anyone who's taken them wouldn't know that they are absolutely poisonous for anybody with mental health issues.
>>251598 It's not impossible, but based on your previous experience I can understand that it feels that way. Actually, your previous experience is the exact problem since the little exposure you've had to people is traumatic and negative, it constrains your world and your emotions in the present and future. Anxiety, shame, fear of people in general makes sense when you see it as the result of what you know, your lived experience.
Finding kind, good-hearted people and spending time with them expands what you know and it's what fundamentally affords you the ability to relax and be yourself around people. Without a single good experience of relating to others, you can't help but feel the way you feel.
Not saying it's easy, but that's what it takes to get better, a so-called corrective emotional experience that can shape you. Unfortunately, you can't just conjure up these positive experiences with a magic wand, but it's something to aim for nonetheless.
>>251600 psychedelics have been the best tool to help myself start healing. when you are staring at the noose tripping major balls and having the worst experience imaginable is worth it when you gain so much from it.
There is no such thing as a bad trip. my worst trips have been the most helpful. you just have to be ready to dismantle the psyche and experience hell.
>>251606 This is how psychedelics have been for me, too. I value even the distressing experiences they have brought me. I think they have helped me cope with severe depression over the years. Although, everyone is different and psychedelics can leave people worse off.