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Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
there is nothing to do, nowhere to go, and no-one to be. the past 10 years have been a nondescript blur; the highs and lows i can pick out from this decade have all occurred from behind a computer screen, sitting at the same desk, wearing the same clothes (now fallen apart), sleeping in the same bed. thinking the same thoughts. i don't care to think very much anymore.
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Happy 30th anniversary Dep Crawl Thread!
Hope I'm not alive to see a 40th one
Hope I'm not alive to see a 40th one
For the past couple weeks I have been working on my anhedonia. Trying different drugs ,exercising, diet. It worked for a couple of days and I played some video games and enjoyed them.
However, it stopped. Now I'm very desperate and sad. What did I do right? No idea what to do
However, it stopped. Now I'm very desperate and sad. What did I do right? No idea what to do
>>254174
you introduced hope and changed your mindset for a couple days, but fell back on your old habits due to not having enough self-awareness. drugs, exercise, diet, none of that has an actual effect, it's the meaning you attach to it that created the motivation.
you introduced hope and changed your mindset for a couple days, but fell back on your old habits due to not having enough self-awareness. drugs, exercise, diet, none of that has an actual effect, it's the meaning you attach to it that created the motivation.
Every day during the week I keep thinking "I just need to get through this week", but during the weekend all I can think about is how bad the next week will be.
New low for brainrot. Two weeks sober and I accidentally poured salsa instead of pasta sauce trying to make spaghetti for my mom. Then I had an autist fit and hit myself and she started crying. I just wanted to give her a nice dinner…
>>254194
don't ask questions if you don't want them answered, retard. especially if you haven't figured out something basic like "how you think affects the way you feel" lol
don't ask questions if you don't want them answered, retard. especially if you haven't figured out something basic like "how you think affects the way you feel" lol
>>254205
i don't think a book can cure being hopelessly braindead. at least the "anhedonia" didn't affect the pleasure you get from huffing your own farts lol
i don't think a book can cure being hopelessly braindead. at least the "anhedonia" didn't affect the pleasure you get from huffing your own farts lol
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Cut contact with anyone but family.
I'm just killing time until I decide it's time to get SN.
I'm just killing time until I decide it's time to get SN.
I'm 40 this year. Nothing but regrets and existential torture. Living off my rapidly depleting tiny savings in a freezing cold flat, no job, no prospects. The idea of working terrifies me as much as it did 20 years ago.
I barely sleep anymore. I was awake at 1am this morning and didn't get back off. I go for walks alone to try and sort my head out but its futile. There is no way out but I can't accept it, my brain is too conditioned by a lifetime of media lies about "turning things around". I pray and beg for help but recieve no answers and I know I am deluding myself.
I have become utterly obsessed with determinism, how we are just the product of genetics and conditioning and have no way of preventing the outcome. I wrack my brains to try and find a place for God in this equation but find it near impossible, unless the demiurge is real. I'm ugly and weak and ageing is kicking in now so things will only get progressively worse.
I fantasise about changing my name and moving to a new city and starting over again. But it's just silly, childish escapism. Life is not a fucking soap opera, after all. I'm stuck in this awful city, this awful country, parents dead behind the eyes and ignorant to my plight, a smsll handful of 'friends' who are only friends through familiarity and the fact we went to school together all those years ago. Nothing in common with any of them, see them maybe 1-2 times a year, box ticking, conformist normies all.
I just can't accept myself and I find this absurd, how after all these years you'd think I'd finally just face up to my lot in life and LDAR. But no, I keep hanging in there like a fucking idiot. I pray for death. I Google suicide methods and find myself terrified and repulsed. I'll never do it. Just got to wait, hope there's a tumour with my name on forming inside somewhere. And yet I didn't get vaccinated because of the health risks fucking lol.
I can't accept how fucked up this world is. Yeah, it's over.
I barely sleep anymore. I was awake at 1am this morning and didn't get back off. I go for walks alone to try and sort my head out but its futile. There is no way out but I can't accept it, my brain is too conditioned by a lifetime of media lies about "turning things around". I pray and beg for help but recieve no answers and I know I am deluding myself.
I have become utterly obsessed with determinism, how we are just the product of genetics and conditioning and have no way of preventing the outcome. I wrack my brains to try and find a place for God in this equation but find it near impossible, unless the demiurge is real. I'm ugly and weak and ageing is kicking in now so things will only get progressively worse.
I fantasise about changing my name and moving to a new city and starting over again. But it's just silly, childish escapism. Life is not a fucking soap opera, after all. I'm stuck in this awful city, this awful country, parents dead behind the eyes and ignorant to my plight, a smsll handful of 'friends' who are only friends through familiarity and the fact we went to school together all those years ago. Nothing in common with any of them, see them maybe 1-2 times a year, box ticking, conformist normies all.
I just can't accept myself and I find this absurd, how after all these years you'd think I'd finally just face up to my lot in life and LDAR. But no, I keep hanging in there like a fucking idiot. I pray for death. I Google suicide methods and find myself terrified and repulsed. I'll never do it. Just got to wait, hope there's a tumour with my name on forming inside somewhere. And yet I didn't get vaccinated because of the health risks fucking lol.
I can't accept how fucked up this world is. Yeah, it's over.
I put off all the things I need to do for later when I don't feel like shit. The kicker? I always feel like shit.
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>>254216
>I have become utterly obsessed with determinism, how we are just the product of genetics and conditioning and have no way of preventing the outcome. I wrack my brains to try and find a place for God in this equation but find it near impossible, unless the demiurge is real.
Let's assume non-determinism is refuted. Actually, let's briefly do it: being the ultimate origin of your actions makes yourself the cause of yourself, which is nonsense. Like you say, it would ignore external factors like genes and conditioning. We'll see that the logical necessity for an ultimate causal origin has similar problems. The drive to postulate free will is often to assign blame, even at the cosmic scale. What does–what can–this human motivation have to do with freedom? It can be triumphant: I am the cause of my happiness because I am noble, or defeatist: I am to blame for my sadness because I am ignoble. The Creator is such an I, universalized: He made the world, so He is to blame.
If the world is deterministic then our fight against fate is imaginary, but then our fatalism at the cruelty of fate would also be imaginary. What leads us to be certain about determinism is our observations, calculations, and predictions about the world which lead us to postulate the existence of deterministic laws of cause and effect. You have surely spotted the mistake: these laws are the I again, disguised behind indifference. The same critique applies: what is the cause of a law? Itself? It is already refuted: there are no such laws, and therefore no such determinism. Even the motivation is the same as before: which law is to blame? What appear as laws in nature are only contingencies which are neither causal or deterministic: they cannot be separated from anything else in nature. If we examine ourselves we are similarly constituted, we are free from I as cause and I as law. I hope this goes some way to sating your obsession.
>I have become utterly obsessed with determinism, how we are just the product of genetics and conditioning and have no way of preventing the outcome. I wrack my brains to try and find a place for God in this equation but find it near impossible, unless the demiurge is real.
Let's assume non-determinism is refuted. Actually, let's briefly do it: being the ultimate origin of your actions makes yourself the cause of yourself, which is nonsense. Like you say, it would ignore external factors like genes and conditioning. We'll see that the logical necessity for an ultimate causal origin has similar problems. The drive to postulate free will is often to assign blame, even at the cosmic scale. What does–what can–this human motivation have to do with freedom? It can be triumphant: I am the cause of my happiness because I am noble, or defeatist: I am to blame for my sadness because I am ignoble. The Creator is such an I, universalized: He made the world, so He is to blame.
If the world is deterministic then our fight against fate is imaginary, but then our fatalism at the cruelty of fate would also be imaginary. What leads us to be certain about determinism is our observations, calculations, and predictions about the world which lead us to postulate the existence of deterministic laws of cause and effect. You have surely spotted the mistake: these laws are the I again, disguised behind indifference. The same critique applies: what is the cause of a law? Itself? It is already refuted: there are no such laws, and therefore no such determinism. Even the motivation is the same as before: which law is to blame? What appear as laws in nature are only contingencies which are neither causal or deterministic: they cannot be separated from anything else in nature. If we examine ourselves we are similarly constituted, we are free from I as cause and I as law. I hope this goes some way to sating your obsession.
>>254220
>If the world is deterministic then our fight against fate is imaginary, but then our fatalism at the cruelty of fate would also be imaginary.
not necessarily
>these laws are the I again, disguised behind indifference.
these things are both unrelated
>The same critique applies: what is the cause of a law? Itself? It is already refuted: there are no such laws, and therefore no such determinism
false dichotomy and circular logic
>If the world is deterministic then our fight against fate is imaginary, but then our fatalism at the cruelty of fate would also be imaginary.
not necessarily
>these laws are the I again, disguised behind indifference.
these things are both unrelated
>The same critique applies: what is the cause of a law? Itself? It is already refuted: there are no such laws, and therefore no such determinism
false dichotomy and circular logic
>>254216
>I have become utterly obsessed with determinism, how we are just the product of genetics and conditioning and have no way of preventing the outcome. I wrack my brains to try and find a place for God in this equation but find it near impossible, unless the demiurge is real.
I am a determinist and I believe in God. I don't understand your problem. God created you to experience life in your own unique way. Maybe your fate is to suicide, who knows? But nevertheless know that God cares about you and is always with you. He arranged this world to be perfect in its own way.
>I have become utterly obsessed with determinism, how we are just the product of genetics and conditioning and have no way of preventing the outcome. I wrack my brains to try and find a place for God in this equation but find it near impossible, unless the demiurge is real.
I am a determinist and I believe in God. I don't understand your problem. God created you to experience life in your own unique way. Maybe your fate is to suicide, who knows? But nevertheless know that God cares about you and is always with you. He arranged this world to be perfect in its own way.
>>254223
Great way to start a post:
"I am of the opposite persuasion and I do not understand your problems, nor do I care to. Now open wide and let me shove my own views down your throat."
Great way to start a post:
"I am of the opposite persuasion and I do not understand your problems, nor do I care to. Now open wide and let me shove my own views down your throat."
>>254224
I would ask you to elaborate why you don't agree with me, but I doubt we could have a satisfying conversation. However, feel free to give me your reasoning.
My opinion is this: dualistic gnosticism is baby-tier spiritualism that can't deal with the concept of suffering, therefore shits on the creator god, out of stupidity and not understanding him.
I would ask you to elaborate why you don't agree with me, but I doubt we could have a satisfying conversation. However, feel free to give me your reasoning.
My opinion is this: dualistic gnosticism is baby-tier spiritualism that can't deal with the concept of suffering, therefore shits on the creator god, out of stupidity and not understanding him.
>>254221
>not necessarily
If we accept the premise of determinism then the idea of fighting fate makes no sense. Any fight we did put up would be part of our destiny. Whether this is logically necessary or not I don't know, but it follows that if resisting destiny is imaginary then fatalism in the face of our cruel fate is also imaginary. The way out of this is to closely examine what we mean by determinism.
>these things are both unrelated
To the degree that selves and laws are misunderstood as causal agents they are identical. Physicists use the same language as negative theologians when they describe gravity only through its effects, as this misunderstanding pervades nearly all our reasoning.
>not necessarily
If we accept the premise of determinism then the idea of fighting fate makes no sense. Any fight we did put up would be part of our destiny. Whether this is logically necessary or not I don't know, but it follows that if resisting destiny is imaginary then fatalism in the face of our cruel fate is also imaginary. The way out of this is to closely examine what we mean by determinism.
>these things are both unrelated
To the degree that selves and laws are misunderstood as causal agents they are identical. Physicists use the same language as negative theologians when they describe gravity only through its effects, as this misunderstanding pervades nearly all our reasoning.
>>254174
That self improvement shill will not work on you, it works never unless you really feel it.
>get to endchan, look the /pdfs/ and open health thread
>read the intro before doing anything
That self improvement shill will not work on you, it works never unless you really feel it.
>get to endchan, look the /pdfs/ and open health thread
>read the intro before doing anything
>>254233
What probably happened is all that stuff was like a drug to my system. And after the initial high I returned to baseline (which is miserable and unmotivated)
What probably happened is all that stuff was like a drug to my system. And after the initial high I returned to baseline (which is miserable and unmotivated)
I can't read anything past two sentences anymore. It's all so tiresome. At some point I used to wish for death, or at least an eternal reprieve from existence, but even these pleasant daydreams fail to soothe me anymore. My vision blurs–lack of exertion of the proper ocular muscles, I bet–and it's harder to move my body. All systems are failing.
I don't understand anymore.
I don't understand anymore.
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I will be 25 years old in a few days and I feel like complete shit. The last 10 years I've lived like a ghost, I can't recall anything good or memorable, I feel like an empty husk, like pic related basically. The only relevant thing that happened was the death of my father due to a brain tumor and holy shit, that was painful to watch. I'm alone with my mom now and the mere thought of her getting sick or dying frightens me to the bones, I don't know what I will do
>>254308
Damn, I feel that. I've been in that exact situation for as long as I can remember. At least you're relatively young and can maybe make some moderately positive change. I try to tell myself the same but I'm pretty sure it's too late for me. Remember, we're all going to suffer and die- that is inevitable. How you process this, however, is dependent on your mental state. Sort yourself out, stop poisoning yourself, and ask yourself what you really want to be doing. good luck.
Damn, I feel that. I've been in that exact situation for as long as I can remember. At least you're relatively young and can maybe make some moderately positive change. I try to tell myself the same but I'm pretty sure it's too late for me. Remember, we're all going to suffer and die- that is inevitable. How you process this, however, is dependent on your mental state. Sort yourself out, stop poisoning yourself, and ask yourself what you really want to be doing. good luck.
>>254310
Well, not exactly. I never knew my father. His funeral was a fun childhood event because it was one of the rare occasions I got to play with other kids. So, not completely. Damn selective reading.
Well, not exactly. I never knew my father. His funeral was a fun childhood event because it was one of the rare occasions I got to play with other kids. So, not completely. Damn selective reading.
>>254225
Out of respect for others you ought to take this journey alone and spin yourself ever deeper in circles because your language no longer exists to communicate ideas clearly to others, you've warped it so it's there only for you now.
Out of respect for others you ought to take this journey alone and spin yourself ever deeper in circles because your language no longer exists to communicate ideas clearly to others, you've warped it so it's there only for you now.
>>254220
I'm sorry but I'm too average IQ to understand fully what you are saying. Plus the lack of sleep which is further reducing my cognitive ability. You will have to dumb it down for me I'm afraid
I'm sorry but I'm too average IQ to understand fully what you are saying. Plus the lack of sleep which is further reducing my cognitive ability. You will have to dumb it down for me I'm afraid
>>254220
I'm sorry but even though I'm high IQ enough to understand fully what you are saying. Plus the abundance of sleep, healthy nutrition and exercise which is further optimizing my cognitive ability. You will have to remove the anime picture for me to bother reading this drivel I'm afraid
I'm sorry but even though I'm high IQ enough to understand fully what you are saying. Plus the abundance of sleep, healthy nutrition and exercise which is further optimizing my cognitive ability. You will have to remove the anime picture for me to bother reading this drivel I'm afraid
im at a mental health clinic. ive already talked about what its like in another imageboard. the bottom line is that theyre giving me vip treatment. im the only patient here allowed to use a laptop (and internet). i stay most of the day alone in the library room which is like a small office.
i dont know i just wanted to say im using my time productively. im learning a lot of things. i love learning so much it makes my brain feel so good. im studying anatomy, haskell, sometimes clisp, peaking into various textbooks etc. i dont know im happy. very happy.
theyve said i might be called to talk to a therapist a little today. ill just tell her the truth, that ive always wanted to draw my whole life and now that my mom made some money she could afford me something nice to help me. but shed rather not and thats killing me.
i just want to get out and get a cintiq and spend several years as a hikikomori just drawing and learning mathy things every day.
i dont know i think i have something nice inside me and i have to show it and im not supposed to give up. it feels like exploding with light inside me. but im very afraid im not going to make it. i feel very happy because i can learn here most of the day but only because i have a tiny hope ill go back to my "normal life" soon and ill be able to draw soon. i feel a strange mixture of absolute confidence in myself and maddening insecurity. i hope im right. i just want to progress.
i dont know sorry. i just wish i could start over. sorry for the brainfart.
i dont know i just wanted to say im using my time productively. im learning a lot of things. i love learning so much it makes my brain feel so good. im studying anatomy, haskell, sometimes clisp, peaking into various textbooks etc. i dont know im happy. very happy.
theyve said i might be called to talk to a therapist a little today. ill just tell her the truth, that ive always wanted to draw my whole life and now that my mom made some money she could afford me something nice to help me. but shed rather not and thats killing me.
i just want to get out and get a cintiq and spend several years as a hikikomori just drawing and learning mathy things every day.
i dont know i think i have something nice inside me and i have to show it and im not supposed to give up. it feels like exploding with light inside me. but im very afraid im not going to make it. i feel very happy because i can learn here most of the day but only because i have a tiny hope ill go back to my "normal life" soon and ill be able to draw soon. i feel a strange mixture of absolute confidence in myself and maddening insecurity. i hope im right. i just want to progress.
i dont know sorry. i just wish i could start over. sorry for the brainfart.
>>254356
>theyre giving me vip treatment. im the only patient here allowed to use a laptop (and internet).
why are you pretending to be in a mental hospital? lol
>theyre giving me vip treatment. im the only patient here allowed to use a laptop (and internet).
why are you pretending to be in a mental hospital? lol
>>254362
he will play his lolicon eroge in full view of the nurses and doctors in the facility and nobody can stop him, including you
cry harder
he will play his lolicon eroge in full view of the nurses and doctors in the facility and nobody can stop him, including you
cry harder
>>254363
i guess pretending to be manic for months didn't really earn him the mentally ill street cred he expected so now he's pretending to be in a mental hospital. wow and he's such a special little patient. the doctors are fascinated with this young man. so troubled yet so…brilliant!!
i guess pretending to be manic for months didn't really earn him the mentally ill street cred he expected so now he's pretending to be in a mental hospital. wow and he's such a special little patient. the doctors are fascinated with this young man. so troubled yet so…brilliant!!
>>254364
jealous. erogebro has more intellect in his toenail clippings than you do in your entire body.
jealous. erogebro has more intellect in his toenail clippings than you do in your entire body.
>>254365
bitch, don't make me start listing of my officially diagnosed mental disorders. i'm the only guy they let play on the xbox in the commons room. guess the nurses noticed i was different from the rest…
doctor told me he wanted to write a research paper about me but i said, no, doc. you cant just use my PAIN for your science. my personality structures are so unique they would tear a hole in the foundation of psychology…teachers told me i was smart but lazy. but actually i was smart and mentally ill. i never had a chance to use that bamboo tablet to draw the perfectly anatomic pussies…such wasted potential…
bitch, don't make me start listing of my officially diagnosed mental disorders. i'm the only guy they let play on the xbox in the commons room. guess the nurses noticed i was different from the rest…
doctor told me he wanted to write a research paper about me but i said, no, doc. you cant just use my PAIN for your science. my personality structures are so unique they would tear a hole in the foundation of psychology…teachers told me i was smart but lazy. but actually i was smart and mentally ill. i never had a chance to use that bamboo tablet to draw the perfectly anatomic pussies…such wasted potential…
I enjoy how drugs don't work for me. Everything makes me feel tired or anxious or nauseous. Though I haven't tried meth or heroin yet
>>254365
Erogebro is a schizo, like what's the point of being a legit genius if you end up like Terry Davis, I would rather be a normie NPC.
Erogebro is a schizo, like what's the point of being a legit genius if you end up like Terry Davis, I would rather be a normie NPC.
My joints have been in pain for years, no doctor will help me. I've resorted to talking to family members for doctor recommendations. My only two hobbies are too painful now. Wagecucking is painful. Even lying in bed is painful a third of the time. Life is already bullshit, now I'm expected to just live like this with only more pain and being ignored by doctors until I'm an cripple to look forward to? Fuck that. I refuse, I fucking refuse.
>>254391
All psychiatrists are fucking retarded and deserve to be skinned like pigs pretending to be human they are. Worst scum imaginable.
Pedofiles might as well go to heaven compared to the suffering those fags commit. This is my personal subjective opinion.
>>254391
If you really want to get better, maybe Sarno's mindbody prescription and other such works will help you.
I had chronic pain for ages but all it took was some random online saying "The pain is real, but the illness isn't".
Absolutely all chronic pain besides cancer or falling into a diabetes coma/viruses is caused by the mind.
If you accept it, the only pain you'll feel is the mental anguish reading people who trust in doctors or massage.
Your pain comes from the mind and it can go away in an instant if you learn to resist the brainwashing.
Oh yeah the vaccine killed my godmother who raised me last year.
Just can't stop loving doctors .
Their evildoing makes rape of nanking and the modern anime industry look like a joke.
All psychiatrists are fucking retarded and deserve to be skinned like pigs pretending to be human they are. Worst scum imaginable.
Pedofiles might as well go to heaven compared to the suffering those fags commit. This is my personal subjective opinion.
>>254391
If you really want to get better, maybe Sarno's mindbody prescription and other such works will help you.
I had chronic pain for ages but all it took was some random online saying "The pain is real, but the illness isn't".
Absolutely all chronic pain besides cancer or falling into a diabetes coma/viruses is caused by the mind.
If you accept it, the only pain you'll feel is the mental anguish reading people who trust in doctors or massage.
Your pain comes from the mind and it can go away in an instant if you learn to resist the brainwashing.
Oh yeah the vaccine killed my godmother who raised me last year.
Just can't stop loving doctors .
Their evildoing makes rape of nanking and the modern anime industry look like a joke.
Some of my father's distant relatives came in contact with me and are talking about gathering up to have dinner and talk, I don't know what to do, my parents are both dead and I know literally zero people, I am alright with my life being just me, my cat and my computer, I don't even know these people, last time I've seen them was probably 15+ years ago, I just want to be left alone but am too cowardly to say so, I hope they were just pretending to care or something, I think they feel guilty over not going to my mother's funeral.
This shit really got me in panic mode, I can barely watch my anime.
This shit really got me in panic mode, I can barely watch my anime.
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I moved to a different state about 6 years ago and my only real friend was my cat and he died early December. I ad planned on trying to to lose weight in his memory because we are/were both fat fucks but I've been failing. My job leaves me with no free time lately and when I ask myself why I'm doing any of this I have no real answer.
>>254161
I don’t understand how eugenics is even bad in the sense of just preventing defective people from breeding. It makes no sense that someone was legally allowed to create me when it was known beforehand that I would be defective from family history on both sides. I don’t understand how it isn’t considered a crime to create a defective life. Imprisoning people is a crime. Making someone disabled by force is a crime. Why is it not a crime?
I don’t understand how eugenics is even bad in the sense of just preventing defective people from breeding. It makes no sense that someone was legally allowed to create me when it was known beforehand that I would be defective from family history on both sides. I don’t understand how it isn’t considered a crime to create a defective life. Imprisoning people is a crime. Making someone disabled by force is a crime. Why is it not a crime?
>>254527
I'm sorry about your loss. I lost my best friend (also a cat) last year. I think it's like losing a child must feel for normals. RIP little guy.
I'm sorry about your loss. I lost my best friend (also a cat) last year. I think it's like losing a child must feel for normals. RIP little guy.
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Misanthropy is the hatred, dislike, distrust of the human species, human behavior or human nature.
As Plato's said "Misanthropy develops when without art one puts complete trust in somebody thinking the man absolutely true and sound and reliable and then a little later discovers him to be bad and unreliable. And when it happens to someone often… He ends up hating everyone."
I hate everyone including myself.
So why do we live in a society?
I wish i didn't have to see anyone ever again, and wither in my bed until the end of the days.
As Plato's said "Misanthropy develops when without art one puts complete trust in somebody thinking the man absolutely true and sound and reliable and then a little later discovers him to be bad and unreliable. And when it happens to someone often… He ends up hating everyone."
I hate everyone including myself.
So why do we live in a society?
I wish i didn't have to see anyone ever again, and wither in my bed until the end of the days.
>>254530
Well, we live in society because supposedly it makes life easier for us…which is true in many cases, but if you are some kind of autist as most people here then you would be better off alone. The normalfag would die without society, no one to hang out with, no one to mate with, no one to obey and serve, duuuude this sucks…they would say.
Your hatred will lessen more and more as you realize you aren't morally better than normalfags, you are one of the fighters in this battle called life and you do what you do in order to get pleasure and to survive. Your mistanthropy is based on romantic expectations and naive moralism, when you leave these behind you can ascend to a higher level, where you will embrace your ego and you won't be bothered by humans all that much (but you won't love them either).
Well, we live in society because supposedly it makes life easier for us…which is true in many cases, but if you are some kind of autist as most people here then you would be better off alone. The normalfag would die without society, no one to hang out with, no one to mate with, no one to obey and serve, duuuude this sucks…they would say.
Your hatred will lessen more and more as you realize you aren't morally better than normalfags, you are one of the fighters in this battle called life and you do what you do in order to get pleasure and to survive. Your mistanthropy is based on romantic expectations and naive moralism, when you leave these behind you can ascend to a higher level, where you will embrace your ego and you won't be bothered by humans all that much (but you won't love them either).
>>254586
That is the most disgusting oversimplification I've seen. I have neetbux, but I still have to deal with isolation, loneliness, crippling depression, health issues, extreme poverty and having literally no support network or options for emergencies.
That is the most disgusting oversimplification I've seen. I have neetbux, but I still have to deal with isolation, loneliness, crippling depression, health issues, extreme poverty and having literally no support network or options for emergencies.
I'm so fucking livid I am giving myself a migraine. Why do I do this to myself. I can see that I really don't have much to be upset about but I just can't control my emotions. And it keeps spiraling and spiraling. And I see myself turning into my mother and I want to fucking die. I just want to release it in visceral violence. Flesh really is a prison, I hate being a fucking animal pretending it's sapient. I just have to suffer through until the feeling passes, but the waiting inbetween is fucking breaking me.One day I really am going to snap. I won't be able to wait it out, and carnal monkey violence is going to tear me apart literally.
>>254619
JUST FUCK FUCK FUCK WHY CAN'T I JUST MAKE THIS STUPID FUCKING BRAIN DO WHAT I WANT FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
JUST FUCK FUCK FUCK WHY CAN'T I JUST MAKE THIS STUPID FUCKING BRAIN DO WHAT I WANT FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
>>254587
Your life would be 100000x worse if on top of all your other problems you'd have to live on the streets with mentally ill drug addicts and constantly seen as a potential target by muggers, mentally ill wanderers and people who are very sick in the head.
You have no idea how comfortable you have it by getting food+ a roof over your head just by existing and doing nothing at all.
Your life would be 100000x worse if on top of all your other problems you'd have to live on the streets with mentally ill drug addicts and constantly seen as a potential target by muggers, mentally ill wanderers and people who are very sick in the head.
You have no idea how comfortable you have it by getting food+ a roof over your head just by existing and doing nothing at all.
Mom had to get the biggest dog and expected it to be kind and gentle like a lamb.
I begged her not to, after the last one died - there was nobody willing to spend time with it or to walk it, and it was extremely disheartening having to fend off other dogs trying to fuck it, other people bothering you and endless mess the dog brings into the house.
Everything is always messy, covered in fur.
This dog is an asshole too, breaks stuff, eats used napkins. And it's stronger than me as I'm losing weight and motivation to live and exercise while depressed, there's almost nobody to walk her now.
I hoped to get away from this household, and issues that plague it since I remember.
But the issues stay, everyone doubles down and is stubborn, new issues get introduced, it will never end.
and if hell or purgatory are real, that's right where I'm headed, so if afterlife exists, I'll never run away from it.
My parents fucked and made my life hell and it will never end.
I begged her not to, after the last one died - there was nobody willing to spend time with it or to walk it, and it was extremely disheartening having to fend off other dogs trying to fuck it, other people bothering you and endless mess the dog brings into the house.
Everything is always messy, covered in fur.
This dog is an asshole too, breaks stuff, eats used napkins. And it's stronger than me as I'm losing weight and motivation to live and exercise while depressed, there's almost nobody to walk her now.
I hoped to get away from this household, and issues that plague it since I remember.
But the issues stay, everyone doubles down and is stubborn, new issues get introduced, it will never end.
and if hell or purgatory are real, that's right where I'm headed, so if afterlife exists, I'll never run away from it.
My parents fucked and made my life hell and it will never end.
>>254587
I deal with all these and have no neetbux, so I'm bleeding time until I have to become someone else since current me can't hold a job.
I deal with all these and have no neetbux, so I'm bleeding time until I have to become someone else since current me can't hold a job.
>>254628
It would be worse for him and his current situation could also not be heaven. Neetbux make life better but doesn’t solve some people’s problems. You normally only get golden-ticket neetbux if you fucked up.
It would be worse for him and his current situation could also not be heaven. Neetbux make life better but doesn’t solve some people’s problems. You normally only get golden-ticket neetbux if you fucked up.
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Too depressed to get a boner anymore
I feel like everyone else got some kind of cheat code for life that allows them to have money, good looks, a good job and tons of free time and awesome experiences, literallt everyone except me and my immediate family, how is possible that almost everyone I know manages to be successful? I only see sad people in movies or news, they don't even feel real, everyone around me is having a great time.
>>254647
Normalfags don't show it to others if they feel sad or depressed, why do you think they only upload fun things to their social media profiles? It is like being in a theatre. None of it is true 100%, and even if it is they don't show you the bad times they go through. Most of them spend 90% of their life wageslaving or doing stuff they hate bc of da friendz.
Don't believe all this crap. As a wiz you have much better perspectives for being happy or finding peace than norms.
>>254619
Yes, you should work on your self-control. If you let your emotions buttfuck you all the time you will be a wreck soon. Find the perfect balance between rationality and your feelings. It's not hard once you start trying.
Normalfags don't show it to others if they feel sad or depressed, why do you think they only upload fun things to their social media profiles? It is like being in a theatre. None of it is true 100%, and even if it is they don't show you the bad times they go through. Most of them spend 90% of their life wageslaving or doing stuff they hate bc of da friendz.
Don't believe all this crap. As a wiz you have much better perspectives for being happy or finding peace than norms.
>>254619
Yes, you should work on your self-control. If you let your emotions buttfuck you all the time you will be a wreck soon. Find the perfect balance between rationality and your feelings. It's not hard once you start trying.
>>254630
My mom did the exact same thing with a mastiff. The dog was gigantic, drooled everywhere and was constantly a pain. So many times I wanted to call my mom every nasty name in the book. Can't do it because I'm NEET.
My mom did the exact same thing with a mastiff. The dog was gigantic, drooled everywhere and was constantly a pain. So many times I wanted to call my mom every nasty name in the book. Can't do it because I'm NEET.
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>>254654
Don't patronize me you fcking whore ,
Don't patronize me you fcking whore ,
>>254652
I just don't understand how motivated succubi are to make everyone's life harder. Was pissing me off 10-20 years ago, but now I realize this is just my how it's gonna be until I die.
I just don't understand how motivated succubi are to make everyone's life harder. Was pissing me off 10-20 years ago, but now I realize this is just my how it's gonna be until I die.
>>254161
Ended all communications with my only and probably last internet friend after they slowly started to hate my guts and eventually began sending me abuse. Now I have absolutely zero friends, zero family, and no true home. Now that I'm well and truly alone, I think I'll start meditating on death, and learning to live with crushing loneliness.
I hope the lives of other wizards are going at least slightly better.
Ended all communications with my only and probably last internet friend after they slowly started to hate my guts and eventually began sending me abuse. Now I have absolutely zero friends, zero family, and no true home. Now that I'm well and truly alone, I think I'll start meditating on death, and learning to live with crushing loneliness.
I hope the lives of other wizards are going at least slightly better.
>>254677
Same age, same situation took me years to get over the fact that my only "friends" thought I was some freak monkey failure and took glee in abandoning me to rot
Same age, same situation took me years to get over the fact that my only "friends" thought I was some freak monkey failure and took glee in abandoning me to rot
>>254678
Yes, humans are spiteful and stupid little creatures. It doesn't matter how much you've done for them or how much time you've spent with them. As soon as they smell blood in the water, they'll start circling. That's why I'm about done interacting with them in general.
Yes, humans are spiteful and stupid little creatures. It doesn't matter how much you've done for them or how much time you've spent with them. As soon as they smell blood in the water, they'll start circling. That's why I'm about done interacting with them in general.
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I haven't slept more than four hours since Friday. I'm starting to think there is a conspiracy to deprive me my rest. Sleep is the only surcease from this nightmare world, and now it deprives me my only escape. I'm tempted to draw a bath and slit my wrists, only I'm far too tired for such a monumental effort.
>>254684
Ah yes, slitting your wrists in the bath is the logical solution to not being able to sleep.
Ah yes, slitting your wrists in the bath is the logical solution to not being able to sleep.
>>254684
Shit are you me? When I had covid omni I started taking 2 unisom sleep gels and 2 ibuprofens (had never taken them before) each night to sleep. When I got over it after 3 weeks I continued taking the meds to finish up a month using it because it would knock me out for like 12-15 hours sometimes. After 1 month I was only getting like 5-7 hours, so I thought the effectiveness of using drugs to sleep was not worth it and quit cold turkey. Month two of no drugs and no matter what, no matter how exhausted I feel or how prepared I am to sleep I can get MAYBE 2-3 hours of sleep before I just jolt awake and have zero chance of getting any more rest. It's the most bizarre thing, I used to think having racing thoughts was bad and was 'oh no i have a sleeping disorder I can't sleep!' but now that I know what a real sleeping disorder is, with just the body unwilling to stay asleep, I am experiencing the suffering you are talking about and it feels like a living hell. I look like a zombie with black rings under my eyes and massive weight gain, since I'm awake all day I just munch on carbs and sugary shit. I read somewhere this could be related to covid or 'long covid' in how it causes what appears to be permanent insomnia in some people. I seriously hope this is just withdrawal from the pills, and I'll get better in time, but it's been a fucking month!
>>254687
Chronically sleep deprived people are more prone to mental illness and suicide. What wiz is saying is completely fair considering sleep is the ultimate mood stabilizer.
Shit are you me? When I had covid omni I started taking 2 unisom sleep gels and 2 ibuprofens (had never taken them before) each night to sleep. When I got over it after 3 weeks I continued taking the meds to finish up a month using it because it would knock me out for like 12-15 hours sometimes. After 1 month I was only getting like 5-7 hours, so I thought the effectiveness of using drugs to sleep was not worth it and quit cold turkey. Month two of no drugs and no matter what, no matter how exhausted I feel or how prepared I am to sleep I can get MAYBE 2-3 hours of sleep before I just jolt awake and have zero chance of getting any more rest. It's the most bizarre thing, I used to think having racing thoughts was bad and was 'oh no i have a sleeping disorder I can't sleep!' but now that I know what a real sleeping disorder is, with just the body unwilling to stay asleep, I am experiencing the suffering you are talking about and it feels like a living hell. I look like a zombie with black rings under my eyes and massive weight gain, since I'm awake all day I just munch on carbs and sugary shit. I read somewhere this could be related to covid or 'long covid' in how it causes what appears to be permanent insomnia in some people. I seriously hope this is just withdrawal from the pills, and I'll get better in time, but it's been a fucking month!
>>254687
Chronically sleep deprived people are more prone to mental illness and suicide. What wiz is saying is completely fair considering sleep is the ultimate mood stabilizer.
>>254684
I've been having bad time sleeping since October. Some nights I don't sleep at all, I don't know how it's possible, I'm completely dead inside emotionally.
I've been having bad time sleeping since October. Some nights I don't sleep at all, I don't know how it's possible, I'm completely dead inside emotionally.
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Stuck on a constant persecution complex feedback loop.
For the past 4 months, I've been constantly worrying about the same thing, never being able to get over it.
It's like facing 10 years in prison, but the trial never happens, so you spend all your life constantly worrying.
It's the pure distillation of fear.
For the past 4 months, I've been constantly worrying about the same thing, never being able to get over it.
It's like facing 10 years in prison, but the trial never happens, so you spend all your life constantly worrying.
It's the pure distillation of fear.
It's only been 2 hours since I woke up and I already wish the day would end again. Still another 10 hours at least before I can sleep again
whenever i try to have fun my mind tells me it's a waste of time and I should be more productive, then i go back to browsing wizchan and youtube. my brain never tells me its a waste of time to be anxious or to ruminate or to hate myself. funny that
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At times I feel like I suffer from terminal laziness.
I'm in a situation where I can objectively see that if I simply put in the effort that is expected and demanded of me, then I'd probably be able to live a relatively normal life now and in the future, but I don't want to, at all. Even though I can see that it isn't even that big of a deal, not even that much effort, I just don't feel like doing it, I don't have it in me anymore. I used to be an ace student as a kid, I was hard working and that brought me much success and joy, but at some point in time I just got burned out and never recovered from it, and from that point onwards I just became the laziest person you could imagine, doing nothing but staying in my room all day while consuming entertainment in bed and then sleeping. I have some coping mechanisms that I spend time on, but it never lasts, I always get disinterested and bored of everything.
I simply don't feel that life is anything special, so even the smallest amount of effort it demands from me doesn't feel worth it at all, I'm not exactly happy with my current position, but why go through the effort of working hard to have a normal life if that is also bad in its own way? Normal life consists of spending most of your time stressed and exhaused because you have to do many things you'd rather not do, like waking up early and getting out of bed when you'd rather stay, driving and getting stuck in traffic when you'd rather be home, going to college/work to study/work when it's both boring and tiresome. What's the reward for doing all of that? I can't figure it out, I guess this life makes sense if you have some sort of goal within it, a dream that requires you to function normally, but what are you supposed to do when you don't have these things?
All I want is to not suffer, suicide is what makes sense.
I'm in a situation where I can objectively see that if I simply put in the effort that is expected and demanded of me, then I'd probably be able to live a relatively normal life now and in the future, but I don't want to, at all. Even though I can see that it isn't even that big of a deal, not even that much effort, I just don't feel like doing it, I don't have it in me anymore. I used to be an ace student as a kid, I was hard working and that brought me much success and joy, but at some point in time I just got burned out and never recovered from it, and from that point onwards I just became the laziest person you could imagine, doing nothing but staying in my room all day while consuming entertainment in bed and then sleeping. I have some coping mechanisms that I spend time on, but it never lasts, I always get disinterested and bored of everything.
I simply don't feel that life is anything special, so even the smallest amount of effort it demands from me doesn't feel worth it at all, I'm not exactly happy with my current position, but why go through the effort of working hard to have a normal life if that is also bad in its own way? Normal life consists of spending most of your time stressed and exhaused because you have to do many things you'd rather not do, like waking up early and getting out of bed when you'd rather stay, driving and getting stuck in traffic when you'd rather be home, going to college/work to study/work when it's both boring and tiresome. What's the reward for doing all of that? I can't figure it out, I guess this life makes sense if you have some sort of goal within it, a dream that requires you to function normally, but what are you supposed to do when you don't have these things?
All I want is to not suffer, suicide is what makes sense.
>>254786
>All I want is to not suffer
Shitty self-deception. You don't mind suffering at all, in fact you just want it, otherwise you would get your shit together. You are like me, you don't hate suffering at all, in fact you even embrace it if it means you don't have to be normal.
In life there are two paths:
- the path of the normal aka easy mode
- the path of the wiz aka ultra-hard mode
We wizards love challenges secretly and strive best under harsh conditions.
>All I want is to not suffer
Shitty self-deception. You don't mind suffering at all, in fact you just want it, otherwise you would get your shit together. You are like me, you don't hate suffering at all, in fact you even embrace it if it means you don't have to be normal.
In life there are two paths:
- the path of the normal aka easy mode
- the path of the wiz aka ultra-hard mode
We wizards love challenges secretly and strive best under harsh conditions.
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ngl feels like shit rn + i can't find any comfortable way to sit because of 7+ years of neetdom and back-bending.
so if anyone got a solution for maximum comfy internet browsing on a laptop, you'd make a fellow wizard's days more bearable.
so if anyone got a solution for maximum comfy internet browsing on a laptop, you'd make a fellow wizard's days more bearable.
I fuckin hate any human interactions. I think it's the fact that people's body language makes it 100% clear they dont wanna talk to me or look at me and its forced and makes me feel like shit. If literally anyone else is around people will ignore me and engage my other coworkers instead, when anyone has to talk to me they have this clear aura of uncomfort and disgust, like they practically run/speedwalk out of the room afterwards, as if they just endured some nightmarish horror. I dont feel good about that and I think it's a lose/lose for everyone. But it's either this or be homeless so I'm forced to just endure wageslaving every day.
Walked 6km under the Sun, I'm very red and burned, I'm balding and that makes it worse, there was a blister on my head that popped, I dried it and put on a band-aid because it's the only kinda appropriate thing I have at home, hope nothing bad happens and burns heal soon, I should get some type of hat for when I leave home
It’s weird to get older and realize how easy it is to just piss your life away. And I don’t mean this in a NEET kind of way. Jobs also just make everything move so fast.
>>254161
I have been in college for 5 years. I don't even have enough credits for a 2nd year student. My family and relatives think I am graduating soon. I have not made a single friend since I started college and have spent more time pacing around my room daydreaming than I have studying. I don't know how anything in this adult world works. I am almost 25 and have no drivers license, never worked a day in my life and I have student debt. I don't know what happens if I dropout and don't know what will happen to that debt.
I have been in college for 5 years. I don't even have enough credits for a 2nd year student. My family and relatives think I am graduating soon. I have not made a single friend since I started college and have spent more time pacing around my room daydreaming than I have studying. I don't know how anything in this adult world works. I am almost 25 and have no drivers license, never worked a day in my life and I have student debt. I don't know what happens if I dropout and don't know what will happen to that debt.
Had harder heart situation, increased desire to vomit and pain in my balls yesterday. The latter with dizziness and weakness in legs today. Blood pressure today was 165/102/~94. The exact same conditions and location where it happened like last time(s). Behavioral patterns being the same isn't weird unlike some accurately identical location-related ones.
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I've spent so much time in the last few years wondering how I should live, that I got to the point of asking myself why I should live at all. I always think about what I should do with my life, what would make me suffer the least, what would be best for me, but end up frustrated since all alternatives are full of stress, anger, exhaustion and sadness, so I just never do anything, if I'm going to be miserable in the end anyway then I might aswell stay where I am, doing nothing, it's the same result, just with a lot less work and expectations.
I simply don't understand, what's so good about this? Why does everyone cling to life and hope so much? I see the people around me with their hobbies and dreams, things they like doing and things they looks forward to, they have a finish line in life that they genuinely care about, and while I envy them, I also don't get it, to me there's just nothing special about any of this, nothing that makes the joys of life and the pursue of happiness worth the tragedy that life really is. I've built a resistance to dopamine I feel, I hate it.
Well, I should stop writing here and try to rest, afterall, on monday everything starts all over again, I'll have to get up early and get out of bed, even though I don't want to, drive in traffic, even though I don't want to, and spend hours working and feeling stressed, anxious and bored, even though I don't want to, only to get back home and spend my free time consuming entertainment which makes me barely feel anything, then I'll go to bed to do it all over again the next day, this struggle would make sense if I had a goal, but I don't.
All I do is live the dreams of other people because I don't have my own due to having no interest in life.
All I do is simply because I feel like I have to do it for the ones around me.
Life isn't a blessing to me.
Life is a burden.
I simply don't understand, what's so good about this? Why does everyone cling to life and hope so much? I see the people around me with their hobbies and dreams, things they like doing and things they looks forward to, they have a finish line in life that they genuinely care about, and while I envy them, I also don't get it, to me there's just nothing special about any of this, nothing that makes the joys of life and the pursue of happiness worth the tragedy that life really is. I've built a resistance to dopamine I feel, I hate it.
Well, I should stop writing here and try to rest, afterall, on monday everything starts all over again, I'll have to get up early and get out of bed, even though I don't want to, drive in traffic, even though I don't want to, and spend hours working and feeling stressed, anxious and bored, even though I don't want to, only to get back home and spend my free time consuming entertainment which makes me barely feel anything, then I'll go to bed to do it all over again the next day, this struggle would make sense if I had a goal, but I don't.
All I do is live the dreams of other people because I don't have my own due to having no interest in life.
All I do is simply because I feel like I have to do it for the ones around me.
Life isn't a blessing to me.
Life is a burden.
Everything I touch turns to shit. I try to better my life and everything backfires. I do my internship to try to finish school, it turns ugly and I end up worse for it. I get a "good" job, have been there for less than three months and I cant handle it. I have tried other things that are supposed to be the bare minimum for and adult to do and they always turn to shit. Not just, "hey that didn't work out but that's ok", it all backfires in a big way and everything is worse in the end. What kills me is that I try to be positive towards other people and my general attitude. I don't have any ill will for anyone else and still I get shit on.
Life is not for everyone, and it sure as shit ain't for me.
I'm afraid that even if I try to kill myself I will fuck it up and end up crippled or disabled in the end because as I have stated before whatever I try to do backfires spectacularly.
The only comfort I have right now is that death is 100% guaranteed to everyone, and even if I have many years of pain and anguish ahead of me one day it will all end.
I only pray it happens soon and quickly.
Life is not for everyone, and it sure as shit ain't for me.
I'm afraid that even if I try to kill myself I will fuck it up and end up crippled or disabled in the end because as I have stated before whatever I try to do backfires spectacularly.
The only comfort I have right now is that death is 100% guaranteed to everyone, and even if I have many years of pain and anguish ahead of me one day it will all end.
I only pray it happens soon and quickly.
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>>254848
What is the prescription for a fellow donkey spirit, who pile up lives and universes of burdens on our backs? To take away this crushing weight is another kind of burden. The perverse relationship with working has made rest "doing nothing", or worse "recovering from" work and people's prescriptive demands. At that point the weight of work pervades both work and rest. Being told to "take a rest" or "share your burden" become attacks. Even slaves used to know that work was contemptible. What's good about being a donkey is the degree of weight we carry can also become a catapult, flywheel, or hammer once we rest enough (far more than the mere social demand implies) to swing it. Then it becomes its own force.
What is the prescription for a fellow donkey spirit, who pile up lives and universes of burdens on our backs? To take away this crushing weight is another kind of burden. The perverse relationship with working has made rest "doing nothing", or worse "recovering from" work and people's prescriptive demands. At that point the weight of work pervades both work and rest. Being told to "take a rest" or "share your burden" become attacks. Even slaves used to know that work was contemptible. What's good about being a donkey is the degree of weight we carry can also become a catapult, flywheel, or hammer once we rest enough (far more than the mere social demand implies) to swing it. Then it becomes its own force.
I'm scared, I'm scared of how fast time flies, the times when I was in college playing Halo with some classmates and having fun without a single care in the word feel like yesterday but It's been like 6 years already.
I hate this, I'm not ready to be an adult, I just can't. I'm a 26 y/o without a drivers license, who never had a Job, without anything going for me, I should have stayed 20 forever, I'm just not ready for this world, I don't know how people above 35 just live without having the urge to kill themselves, being an adult sucks so hard.
I hate this, I'm not ready to be an adult, I just can't. I'm a 26 y/o without a drivers license, who never had a Job, without anything going for me, I should have stayed 20 forever, I'm just not ready for this world, I don't know how people above 35 just live without having the urge to kill themselves, being an adult sucks so hard.
>>254858
How so? I'm a virgin like you, the people I used to hang out with were even bigger losers than me (back then, they all got ahead in live later while I stagnated).
It seems that to be am approved wizard around here you have to be a hermit in some forgotten island or something…
How so? I'm a virgin like you, the people I used to hang out with were even bigger losers than me (back then, they all got ahead in live later while I stagnated).
It seems that to be am approved wizard around here you have to be a hermit in some forgotten island or something…
>>254855
I feel similar to you, but to me college is when everything went wrong, afterall you're meant to study for the sake of having a career and I wasn't ready for it, I hated every second of it, hated studying and hated the idea of working from the bottom of my heart, college gave me so many breakdown and anxiety attacks. I feel like high school is the last time life is carefree, that you're still treated as a kid by everyone else so you don't have much responsibility and your shortcomings get a pass, people go easier on you, I miss that, I miss it so much.
I'm with you on the overall sentiment, adulthood is miserable, I have no idea how people put up with this for so many decades, every adult around me looks like they're tired, stressed, anxious and close to breaking down at all times, so why do we all keep doing this? What's the appeal of adult life? I don't get it, I never did and I don't think I ever will, sadly.
I feel similar to you, but to me college is when everything went wrong, afterall you're meant to study for the sake of having a career and I wasn't ready for it, I hated every second of it, hated studying and hated the idea of working from the bottom of my heart, college gave me so many breakdown and anxiety attacks. I feel like high school is the last time life is carefree, that you're still treated as a kid by everyone else so you don't have much responsibility and your shortcomings get a pass, people go easier on you, I miss that, I miss it so much.
I'm with you on the overall sentiment, adulthood is miserable, I have no idea how people put up with this for so many decades, every adult around me looks like they're tired, stressed, anxious and close to breaking down at all times, so why do we all keep doing this? What's the appeal of adult life? I don't get it, I never did and I don't think I ever will, sadly.
>>254861
For me college was a good time, I could goof around and the assignments were easy, I found "friends" who were weird weebos like me, I spent my days playing vidya, watching anime and having a good time all around, that lasted until I was 23 y/o.
The hell started when I finished, the expectations to have a job, drive and do all those adult things, watching how literally everyone else you knew gets ahead in life while you don't, having no one to talk to, thinking that my life is already over and everything else from here are just 40 years of watching the credits for a game that finished long ago.
For some reason I feel better while being a student, you just do the things you're asked to do and things go fine, you can goof around because you're doing something "productive" for yourself and not for someone else, and in certain careers you're much more likely to find weird people like you to talk with.
After that everything is just hellish, I'm not ready for that shit, in fact I would rather die than spend 4 or 5 decades wageslaving for nothing, I'm even thinking of going back to college (luckily is very cheap here) and study something else, just to feel kind of good and productive (for myself) again, but I wonder if it's too late for me, I will be 28 or 29 y/o then.
For me college was a good time, I could goof around and the assignments were easy, I found "friends" who were weird weebos like me, I spent my days playing vidya, watching anime and having a good time all around, that lasted until I was 23 y/o.
The hell started when I finished, the expectations to have a job, drive and do all those adult things, watching how literally everyone else you knew gets ahead in life while you don't, having no one to talk to, thinking that my life is already over and everything else from here are just 40 years of watching the credits for a game that finished long ago.
For some reason I feel better while being a student, you just do the things you're asked to do and things go fine, you can goof around because you're doing something "productive" for yourself and not for someone else, and in certain careers you're much more likely to find weird people like you to talk with.
After that everything is just hellish, I'm not ready for that shit, in fact I would rather die than spend 4 or 5 decades wageslaving for nothing, I'm even thinking of going back to college (luckily is very cheap here) and study something else, just to feel kind of good and productive (for myself) again, but I wonder if it's too late for me, I will be 28 or 29 y/o then.
I wish I could find a purpose. I remember when I used to look forwards to something, now I just dread the future more and more.
When people asked me what I wanted to become when I grew up I couldn't answer. There really wasn't any profession I wanted to be.
I didn't want to be a lawyer, doctor, astronaut, artist, or anything. I think vidya unironically fucked me up in that sense,
I wanted to have some kind of I dunno, quest or some gay shit like that. Some meaningful goal that I really wanted to go for,
and enjoy the way to getting there.
I don't know how to put my finger on it but that's really what I want. I don't care about being a billionaire or having a harem of 10/10s. I want to have a passion for something.
How do normalfags cope? I legitimately think vidya fucked me in the head, set my expectations for the world too high.
Like life isn't about that, it's trying to survive, breed, and die and that's that.
I'm really like an NPC without a spirit or a drive.
When people asked me what I wanted to become when I grew up I couldn't answer. There really wasn't any profession I wanted to be.
I didn't want to be a lawyer, doctor, astronaut, artist, or anything. I think vidya unironically fucked me up in that sense,
I wanted to have some kind of I dunno, quest or some gay shit like that. Some meaningful goal that I really wanted to go for,
and enjoy the way to getting there.
I don't know how to put my finger on it but that's really what I want. I don't care about being a billionaire or having a harem of 10/10s. I want to have a passion for something.
How do normalfags cope? I legitimately think vidya fucked me in the head, set my expectations for the world too high.
Like life isn't about that, it's trying to survive, breed, and die and that's that.
I'm really like an NPC without a spirit or a drive.
>>254864
I know what you mean, anon. I recall when high school was ending, and I saw all of my peers excited because they wanted to be doctors, programmers, engineers, teachers, etc… and I didn't want to be anything, even though I knew I had no choice, unless I died, then I'd have to be something. At first I thought of going with something I was good at, math and physics, so being an engineer made sense, but all engineering degrees looked so boring to me, every single one of them, so I decided that I had to follow my passion, and I liked drawing, but quickly I understood that an artist's life is miserable and tiresome even if you're a successful one, with the main advantage over an unsuccessful artist being that at least you get to eat. Well, something I was good at was going to make me miserable, and following my passion would do the same, it was like being forced to play I game I literally can't win, so in my desperation I just went with what would give me the most validation from my family, because I've always craved that, and went to medschool, which I'm still in, and guess what? I'm miserable anyways.
Adult life is simply boring and uneventful, you do nothing but grind until you can't do it anymore, but you keep doing it or else you'll be punished for it somehow. I really do think that unless you have a special goal or dream of your own then life simply isn't worth it and makes no sense at all, I mean, look at manga or video game protagonists, a lot of story premises are the main character's dream, because it's engaging and it makes everything have a drive to it, meaning. We were fooled because we thought that these mediums, in your case the video games, were meant to represent life's wonder, but that was never it, they were meant to give us an escape.
I know what you mean, anon. I recall when high school was ending, and I saw all of my peers excited because they wanted to be doctors, programmers, engineers, teachers, etc… and I didn't want to be anything, even though I knew I had no choice, unless I died, then I'd have to be something. At first I thought of going with something I was good at, math and physics, so being an engineer made sense, but all engineering degrees looked so boring to me, every single one of them, so I decided that I had to follow my passion, and I liked drawing, but quickly I understood that an artist's life is miserable and tiresome even if you're a successful one, with the main advantage over an unsuccessful artist being that at least you get to eat. Well, something I was good at was going to make me miserable, and following my passion would do the same, it was like being forced to play I game I literally can't win, so in my desperation I just went with what would give me the most validation from my family, because I've always craved that, and went to medschool, which I'm still in, and guess what? I'm miserable anyways.
Adult life is simply boring and uneventful, you do nothing but grind until you can't do it anymore, but you keep doing it or else you'll be punished for it somehow. I really do think that unless you have a special goal or dream of your own then life simply isn't worth it and makes no sense at all, I mean, look at manga or video game protagonists, a lot of story premises are the main character's dream, because it's engaging and it makes everything have a drive to it, meaning. We were fooled because we thought that these mediums, in your case the video games, were meant to represent life's wonder, but that was never it, they were meant to give us an escape.
>I'm in school to learn a highly respected profession and I'm probably going to make a lot of money in the future…boo hoo ;_; life sad ;_;
>>254866
>I’m spending my parent’s saving and going into debt to be allowed the opportunity to be molded into a lifeless wage drone just so I can have a comfortable existence when I’m not breaking my back for overlord shekelstein
Truly blessed are they.
>I’m spending my parent’s saving and going into debt to be allowed the opportunity to be molded into a lifeless wage drone just so I can have a comfortable existence when I’m not breaking my back for overlord shekelstein
Truly blessed are they.
>>254866
I'm not sure if you're referencing my post where I mentioned going to medschool, but regardless if it was, I'll try to give my views on your response.
I'd say that if you hate what you do, regardless of it being a respected profession or not, and don't particularly care about anything, interests and goals, that you could spend all of that money on, then not even something like that is enough to save someone from being depressed. We have to remember that depression isn't black and white, it isn't something that comes down to money or relationships, it involves multiple factors, the chemicals in our brains, our genetics, and probably others things we don't even understand well. All I'm trying to say is that this is literally a depression thread in a depression board, no one is here because they're happy with their lives, or the nature of life itself, everyone's pain is real to them, we're all miserable for one reason or another, some for reasons they understand, and others for reasons they can't even grasp, so please, let's have empathy and not mock other's feelings, we're all miserable enough already.
I'm not sure if you're referencing my post where I mentioned going to medschool, but regardless if it was, I'll try to give my views on your response.
I'd say that if you hate what you do, regardless of it being a respected profession or not, and don't particularly care about anything, interests and goals, that you could spend all of that money on, then not even something like that is enough to save someone from being depressed. We have to remember that depression isn't black and white, it isn't something that comes down to money or relationships, it involves multiple factors, the chemicals in our brains, our genetics, and probably others things we don't even understand well. All I'm trying to say is that this is literally a depression thread in a depression board, no one is here because they're happy with their lives, or the nature of life itself, everyone's pain is real to them, we're all miserable for one reason or another, some for reasons they understand, and others for reasons they can't even grasp, so please, let's have empathy and not mock other's feelings, we're all miserable enough already.
I'm hitting a cannabis cigarette again in vain. It does not satisfy me but in the slightest. The buzz is a passing novelty. All the liquor has gone now, and that's what I really need. I am left full, mostly wanting more by the end of the eve. I may have made a mistake.. I hate that I need it to function. I may not operate a still in my Homeland to my dismay . I writhe like a worm on the keys.. how I wish to have more at hand, to fulfill my most impossible desires.
>>254865
Well put, and I suppose that's a good way of thinking about it; doing nothing will only punish you further.
The closest thing I can think of calling this is something like "Peter Pan syndrome", only if being an adult is just about accepting that you should be happy to live life without a purpose.
Somewhat related I think I first heard about "Peter Pan syndrome" from Jordan Peterson, and his whole thing iirc is to give yourself responsibility and let that be your purpose which is fucking retarded.
It's like putting a rope around one's neck and balancing on a bucket just to finally have a purpose; to not fall off.
I also went to uni for some engineer shit but after half a year I just had absolutely zero motivation and quit to try out wageslaving, which I also later quit.
You should probably continue even though >>254866 may have higher hopes for you than you yourself have.
And again I realize that I'm a bitch and probably wouldn't even think like this if it weren't for how "easy" things are in a modern technologically advanced time as this,
but that doesn't really change anything. I don't think the solution is to struggle so hard that you don't have time or energy to reflect on anything.
But yeah as you said, vidya and anime can have that effect. It's admittedly pathetic. Also reminds me of stories of how people who learn themselves to lucid dream kill themselves because real life is so
shit in comparison.
I don't crave being the MC in some grand story, I just want to do something that I feel is personally fulfilling.
To have something one really wants, a goal that can be achieved, set out on a path towards it, and get closer every day.
But not some bullshit goal like buying a Lamborghini. You keep hearing stories about people chasing success or some other bullshit only to realize at the end it's never enough, and they're never satisfied.
There's this whole meme about the purpose of life, but I really think that might be it, to do something that is personally fulfilling.
All of this has been said countless times, there's absolutely nothing new. I'm just being a whiny bitch and it's an endless circle.
One day I'm just going to brute force it and start walking forever or until something happens. At least I'll be moving towards something besides just death lel.
Well put, and I suppose that's a good way of thinking about it; doing nothing will only punish you further.
The closest thing I can think of calling this is something like "Peter Pan syndrome", only if being an adult is just about accepting that you should be happy to live life without a purpose.
Somewhat related I think I first heard about "Peter Pan syndrome" from Jordan Peterson, and his whole thing iirc is to give yourself responsibility and let that be your purpose which is fucking retarded.
It's like putting a rope around one's neck and balancing on a bucket just to finally have a purpose; to not fall off.
I also went to uni for some engineer shit but after half a year I just had absolutely zero motivation and quit to try out wageslaving, which I also later quit.
You should probably continue even though >>254866 may have higher hopes for you than you yourself have.
And again I realize that I'm a bitch and probably wouldn't even think like this if it weren't for how "easy" things are in a modern technologically advanced time as this,
but that doesn't really change anything. I don't think the solution is to struggle so hard that you don't have time or energy to reflect on anything.
But yeah as you said, vidya and anime can have that effect. It's admittedly pathetic. Also reminds me of stories of how people who learn themselves to lucid dream kill themselves because real life is so
shit in comparison.
I don't crave being the MC in some grand story, I just want to do something that I feel is personally fulfilling.
To have something one really wants, a goal that can be achieved, set out on a path towards it, and get closer every day.
But not some bullshit goal like buying a Lamborghini. You keep hearing stories about people chasing success or some other bullshit only to realize at the end it's never enough, and they're never satisfied.
There's this whole meme about the purpose of life, but I really think that might be it, to do something that is personally fulfilling.
All of this has been said countless times, there's absolutely nothing new. I'm just being a whiny bitch and it's an endless circle.
One day I'm just going to brute force it and start walking forever or until something happens. At least I'll be moving towards something besides just death lel.
>>254878
I quite like Jordan Peterson a lot of the time, but I do agree that his solution to a lack of meaning just doesn't work for everybody, I guess it works for some, and more power to them, but to me the concept of giving myself responsibility to find a purpose and drive in life makes no sense because it's exactly my responsibilities which are eating me up from the inside to the point where I want to quit life, so to me the very idea of giving myself more responsibilities is completely counter intuitive. I'm struggling a lot in medschool, mostly because it's something where you have to give it your all, at all times, you need to care about it, take extra classes, go after things, drown yourself in books, if you don't have the drive for it, like I don't, you struggle and eventually you fail, I'm probably dropping out in the next few weeks, and it won't be pretty, but even if I got to the end and made money from it, it would ultimately be pointless because after affording food and shelter I wouldn't use that money for anything because I have no passion in life anymore, I feel like not having money can definitely make one depressed, because it causes stress and struggles, but using that logic to assume that money is the solution to depression isn't real, it brings comfort and safety, but it indeed doesn't bring happiness, unless your happiness and dreams consist of something you need the money for, but that's the point, it's something that varies from person to person.
I don't think you're a bitch or a Peter Pan, if you are then I guess I am too, because we're on the same boat. Indeed, we wouldn't think about these things if we didn't have the time and comfort to do so, but that doesn't mean that people that don't think about these things are all happy, some are just too miserable to do so because they have no food or shelter, and it indeed isn't a solution to struggle so you can stop thinking about these things because that'd just be trading off one type of misery for another, you'll be miserable either way, so it's pointless. Truth is 99% of all humans that ever lived were miserable one way or another, some in a more existencial way, and some due to doing nothing but working and/or starving, I don't know why people have this idea that life is supposed to be good and happy, and that if you're unhappy then you're doing something wrong, human history tells me the oposite. Sadly it's difficult being happy if you don't have a goal to pursue, because if you do then you're running towards it, and it's like a game, one that you'll beat once you reach the goal, but if you don't have one, well, you're still running, because standing still in this world means death, so why are you running? Simple, you're running away from misery, but that's not a good prospect, because when will you beat a game where you just run away? You don't, you run forever, even when it feels like your legs will fall off, and you only stop if it catches up to you and you lose, a literally unbeatable game. I'm almost giving in and will stop running soon, it's just too much.
I quite like Jordan Peterson a lot of the time, but I do agree that his solution to a lack of meaning just doesn't work for everybody, I guess it works for some, and more power to them, but to me the concept of giving myself responsibility to find a purpose and drive in life makes no sense because it's exactly my responsibilities which are eating me up from the inside to the point where I want to quit life, so to me the very idea of giving myself more responsibilities is completely counter intuitive. I'm struggling a lot in medschool, mostly because it's something where you have to give it your all, at all times, you need to care about it, take extra classes, go after things, drown yourself in books, if you don't have the drive for it, like I don't, you struggle and eventually you fail, I'm probably dropping out in the next few weeks, and it won't be pretty, but even if I got to the end and made money from it, it would ultimately be pointless because after affording food and shelter I wouldn't use that money for anything because I have no passion in life anymore, I feel like not having money can definitely make one depressed, because it causes stress and struggles, but using that logic to assume that money is the solution to depression isn't real, it brings comfort and safety, but it indeed doesn't bring happiness, unless your happiness and dreams consist of something you need the money for, but that's the point, it's something that varies from person to person.
I don't think you're a bitch or a Peter Pan, if you are then I guess I am too, because we're on the same boat. Indeed, we wouldn't think about these things if we didn't have the time and comfort to do so, but that doesn't mean that people that don't think about these things are all happy, some are just too miserable to do so because they have no food or shelter, and it indeed isn't a solution to struggle so you can stop thinking about these things because that'd just be trading off one type of misery for another, you'll be miserable either way, so it's pointless. Truth is 99% of all humans that ever lived were miserable one way or another, some in a more existencial way, and some due to doing nothing but working and/or starving, I don't know why people have this idea that life is supposed to be good and happy, and that if you're unhappy then you're doing something wrong, human history tells me the oposite. Sadly it's difficult being happy if you don't have a goal to pursue, because if you do then you're running towards it, and it's like a game, one that you'll beat once you reach the goal, but if you don't have one, well, you're still running, because standing still in this world means death, so why are you running? Simple, you're running away from misery, but that's not a good prospect, because when will you beat a game where you just run away? You don't, you run forever, even when it feels like your legs will fall off, and you only stop if it catches up to you and you lose, a literally unbeatable game. I'm almost giving in and will stop running soon, it's just too much.
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>>254880
>but I do agree that his solution to a lack of meaning just doesn't work for everybody
they don't even work for himself
>but I do agree that his solution to a lack of meaning just doesn't work for everybody
they don't even work for himself
>>254881
Well, to be fair I believe this was at a time where he was suffering from benzodiazepine withdrawal, which is infamous for being really difficult to handle, he's human too afterall and psychology isn't an exact science, sadly. I really like his "Clean Your Room" thing, because it did motivate me to clean mine at a time where I was really neglecting it all, and it does feel good, especially because it's an idea that makes sense, to get your life together you need to start small, and start from what's closer to you, to many of us our rooms are where we spend a lot of our times, maybe all of our times, keeping it clean does wonders for one's mental health I think.
Well, to be fair I believe this was at a time where he was suffering from benzodiazepine withdrawal, which is infamous for being really difficult to handle, he's human too afterall and psychology isn't an exact science, sadly. I really like his "Clean Your Room" thing, because it did motivate me to clean mine at a time where I was really neglecting it all, and it does feel good, especially because it's an idea that makes sense, to get your life together you need to start small, and start from what's closer to you, to many of us our rooms are where we spend a lot of our times, maybe all of our times, keeping it clean does wonders for one's mental health I think.
>>254882
Listening to Jordan Peterson really helped me as well, he's one of the people who were able to teach and help me understand things which my beta nice guy father wasn't able to teach me.
Listening to Jordan Peterson really helped me as well, he's one of the people who were able to teach and help me understand things which my beta nice guy father wasn't able to teach me.
>>254882
>I really like his "Clean Your Room" thing, because it did motivate me to clean mine at a time where I was really neglecting it all
it's a platitude that your mother could have told you
his drugs use, weird daughters' shenanigans and adventures in russia are the icing on the cake. who would take such a trainwreck seriously?
>I really like his "Clean Your Room" thing, because it did motivate me to clean mine at a time where I was really neglecting it all
it's a platitude that your mother could have told you
his drugs use, weird daughters' shenanigans and adventures in russia are the icing on the cake. who would take such a trainwreck seriously?
>>254894
>his drugs use, weird daughters' shenanigans and adventures in russia
Are you into succubi gossip shit? Cause you definitely sound like you are
>Listening to Jordan Peterson
Is sometimes really fun. But from my POV he is too rigid even for a psychologist and too attached to "judeo-christian values" matrix, it is not even a thing. Jews and Christians have different sets of values, I'd say conflicting. Not to start holywar, but it is just true. These days he seem to be loosing his grip on reality, too many people too pay many attention to him.
>his drugs use, weird daughters' shenanigans and adventures in russia
Are you into succubi gossip shit? Cause you definitely sound like you are
>Listening to Jordan Peterson
Is sometimes really fun. But from my POV he is too rigid even for a psychologist and too attached to "judeo-christian values" matrix, it is not even a thing. Jews and Christians have different sets of values, I'd say conflicting. Not to start holywar, but it is just true. These days he seem to be loosing his grip on reality, too many people too pay many attention to him.
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>this 30 year old virgin isn't cleaning his room
How does your room get dirty as an adult? if I cleaned my room all I would need to do is vacuum the carpet which takes like 1 minute
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>>254359
severe suicidal depression. i spent months crying loudly alone in a dark bedroom all day.
i escaped once from the first clinic i was sent to, stole a guards phone to call my mom. escaped again in the middle of the night, got further the second time having run into the woods. got the police's attention and supposedly that clinic got in trouble with the law. they tied me up and shoveled me into an ambulance. i untied myself and broke out of the ambulance. they tied again harder and was shoveled again, was sent to a more hardcore clinic. i didnt sleep, eat or drink for several days. was transferred to a third clinic, where i currently am. am earning favors with the patients (writing their essays, downloading them songs etc.). i smuggled a deck of cards and chips into the clinic and taught two young patients recovering from drug addiction how to play texas hold'em.
they say ill stay here for 4 months. 2 if i behave really well.
>>254363
im using an old t400 that cant run a vm without overheating. i would gladly play sfw kamige but studying is more important. ill practice drawing with a pencil and paper a little (very pointless but still an exercise), but mostly study math, cs and programming things.
it sucks a lot but ive already covered what im going through in another imageboard.
i want to program and draw a lot. i love drawing and programming and ill use those things to make others happy. ill be really amazing.
severe suicidal depression. i spent months crying loudly alone in a dark bedroom all day.
i escaped once from the first clinic i was sent to, stole a guards phone to call my mom. escaped again in the middle of the night, got further the second time having run into the woods. got the police's attention and supposedly that clinic got in trouble with the law. they tied me up and shoveled me into an ambulance. i untied myself and broke out of the ambulance. they tied again harder and was shoveled again, was sent to a more hardcore clinic. i didnt sleep, eat or drink for several days. was transferred to a third clinic, where i currently am. am earning favors with the patients (writing their essays, downloading them songs etc.). i smuggled a deck of cards and chips into the clinic and taught two young patients recovering from drug addiction how to play texas hold'em.
they say ill stay here for 4 months. 2 if i behave really well.
>>254363
im using an old t400 that cant run a vm without overheating. i would gladly play sfw kamige but studying is more important. ill practice drawing with a pencil and paper a little (very pointless but still an exercise), but mostly study math, cs and programming things.
it sucks a lot but ive already covered what im going through in another imageboard.
i want to program and draw a lot. i love drawing and programming and ill use those things to make others happy. ill be really amazing.
>>254896
>Are you into succubi gossip shit? Cause you definitely sound like you are
that was all over the internet, it was posted over here and it's how I found out about it. isn't it somewhat important when you give "lessons for life" to be at least a little bit, i don't know, mentally balanced?
>Are you into succubi gossip shit? Cause you definitely sound like you are
that was all over the internet, it was posted over here and it's how I found out about it. isn't it somewhat important when you give "lessons for life" to be at least a little bit, i don't know, mentally balanced?
>>254902
what country are you from? The security there sounds extremely lax, even the private facilities here only have the slightest chance of letting you use a smartphone for a little bit of time per day here, can't imagine being able to use a pc and just sit in the hospital all day, sounds like heaven
what country are you from? The security there sounds extremely lax, even the private facilities here only have the slightest chance of letting you use a smartphone for a little bit of time per day here, can't imagine being able to use a pc and just sit in the hospital all day, sounds like heaven
>>254894
> it's a platitude that your mother could have told you
At some point you realise you’re entirely outside the normal human range if experience. Everyone convinced they overcame depression and suffering because of a small conceptual change, while you’ve tried multiple world views and mindsets which has changed nothing. It’s a joke really.
> it's a platitude that your mother could have told you
At some point you realise you’re entirely outside the normal human range if experience. Everyone convinced they overcame depression and suffering because of a small conceptual change, while you’ve tried multiple world views and mindsets which has changed nothing. It’s a joke really.
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>>254904
there are like 8 security guards present at a time, and theyre all muscular, plus cameras. other patients can only phone their parents once a fortnite, but i get to use the internet in all my free time, although there are plenty of mandatory activities i have to attend. the real reason why im here is because my mom is half a psycho and half a retard.
im very confident im going to make it. you dont need credentials for things like proofs or hacking or drawing. if youre really awesome you can just show it. but i have to acquire mountains of knowledge to make use of my full potential.
so ill use all my time studying and learning from scratch. so i have to focus a lot. im very happy when im learning. happy happy. but i have to focus. so maybe ill only post something again when i get out. if that.
i promise ill show you nice things. a cave of crystals, an ocean of lights, a world of kaleidoscopes. hand hold you through the star gate.
bye bye.
there are like 8 security guards present at a time, and theyre all muscular, plus cameras. other patients can only phone their parents once a fortnite, but i get to use the internet in all my free time, although there are plenty of mandatory activities i have to attend. the real reason why im here is because my mom is half a psycho and half a retard.
im very confident im going to make it. you dont need credentials for things like proofs or hacking or drawing. if youre really awesome you can just show it. but i have to acquire mountains of knowledge to make use of my full potential.
so ill use all my time studying and learning from scratch. so i have to focus a lot. im very happy when im learning. happy happy. but i have to focus. so maybe ill only post something again when i get out. if that.
i promise ill show you nice things. a cave of crystals, an ocean of lights, a world of kaleidoscopes. hand hold you through the star gate.
bye bye.
>>254864
>>254865
and to a lot of other posters here probably…
Having a purpose/goal is a normalfag meme, it wouldn't change anything, or if it would cause change, then it would make you suffer more. When you have a goal two outcomes are possible:
- you achieve your goal ->Hoorayy! Wait, what will I do next? Shit…Back to being miserable…
- you won't achieve your goal->Shit, I will suffer even more now than before because I want to have something I can't get…Back to being miserable…
Purpose won't magically fix your life or make you tougher or alter reality to be some kind of disneyland. I tried it and many others too, it is just a silly delusion.
As for normals, they have first of all their family to think of, when you are a family man you gotta do what you can to support your wife and children. Most people only live for the sake of their family, especially their children. And remember, they are simply too stupid to come to big realizations about existence. They don't think at all. To suffer, you need to have a mind that can recognize suffering in the first place. Normals are braindead so they can continue chasing whatever pleasure they like ad infinitum, not realizing that exactly this behavior is the root of their suffering.
The logical conclusion would be becoming a buddhist monk, but that is just a fantasy at the end of the day too for most of us. Same for suicide. So I don't know, really. Just suffer until you die, I don't see other options. Do whatever the fuck you enjoy doing and stop with these romantic fantasies of turning your life around or what. Accept reality. You are here to suffer. You exist to suffer.
And this too >>254866 If you are so socially well-adjusted that you could enroll in higher education then you guys are just late boomers probably. In a couple of years you will "man up", "get your shit together" and norm it up with some succ and have children and will laugh about posting here in the past. What you do after high school pretty much tells you what you will be. If you retreat from normals after hs and become a hermit like me then you will be a wiz no matter what, for example. However, if you guys feel it in yourself to go out and do shit then you have the potential to become normalfags. Do what you want, I guess.
>>254865
and to a lot of other posters here probably…
Having a purpose/goal is a normalfag meme, it wouldn't change anything, or if it would cause change, then it would make you suffer more. When you have a goal two outcomes are possible:
- you achieve your goal ->Hoorayy! Wait, what will I do next? Shit…Back to being miserable…
- you won't achieve your goal->Shit, I will suffer even more now than before because I want to have something I can't get…Back to being miserable…
Purpose won't magically fix your life or make you tougher or alter reality to be some kind of disneyland. I tried it and many others too, it is just a silly delusion.
As for normals, they have first of all their family to think of, when you are a family man you gotta do what you can to support your wife and children. Most people only live for the sake of their family, especially their children. And remember, they are simply too stupid to come to big realizations about existence. They don't think at all. To suffer, you need to have a mind that can recognize suffering in the first place. Normals are braindead so they can continue chasing whatever pleasure they like ad infinitum, not realizing that exactly this behavior is the root of their suffering.
The logical conclusion would be becoming a buddhist monk, but that is just a fantasy at the end of the day too for most of us. Same for suicide. So I don't know, really. Just suffer until you die, I don't see other options. Do whatever the fuck you enjoy doing and stop with these romantic fantasies of turning your life around or what. Accept reality. You are here to suffer. You exist to suffer.
And this too >>254866 If you are so socially well-adjusted that you could enroll in higher education then you guys are just late boomers probably. In a couple of years you will "man up", "get your shit together" and norm it up with some succ and have children and will laugh about posting here in the past. What you do after high school pretty much tells you what you will be. If you retreat from normals after hs and become a hermit like me then you will be a wiz no matter what, for example. However, if you guys feel it in yourself to go out and do shit then you have the potential to become normalfags. Do what you want, I guess.
>>254909
Everyone here acts like you need to commit yourself to a life style. Like you said, do what you want. There’s no reason to conform to and commit to what you think a wizard is, or a normalfag, or anything in between. Literally just be yourself.
Everyone here acts like you need to commit yourself to a life style. Like you said, do what you want. There’s no reason to conform to and commit to what you think a wizard is, or a normalfag, or anything in between. Literally just be yourself.
>>254909
I understand your point, and to be fair I do feel the same way sometimes. Whenever I look at the people around me, they're always so stressed, tired, anxious and angry, like they're going to snap at any second, and they keep going from goal to goal, barely celebrating their success before going to pursue the next one. I can't help but feel that happiness is just doomed to be brief and weak, and the journey to achieve it, filled with sadness and exhaustion, is too much to justify the little joy you get after it, it's like paying a high price for a mediocre product. At times I feel miserable for not having dreams, but other times I feel comfortable, because while I do feel empty, it still sounds better than the misery of having dreams and not being able to make them come true. I did enroll in higher education, but really it doesn't mean too much to me, since the end of high school I only took college entrance exams out of obligation, I chose a career, in this case medschool, because I had to choose something, and working for my parents at their store making minimum wage didn't sound good, so I took a shot while hoping for the best, I wasn't well back then, but I thought things would magically turn out fine because I still had these childish views of being the main character or something, or being special, and as time went by it became clear to me that this wouldn't be the case, I'll be dropping out this year and it's a long time coming, I only didn't drop out sooner because the pandemic made it so we had online exams and it was easy to cheat my way through. When I drop out I'll just become a NEET who my parents will resent and who my peers will look down on as they go on with their normal lives, I'm not a late bloomer, I'm clinically depressed and have also been planning my suicide for a few months, I don't see myself living a normal life and I don't even know if I want to, like you've said most people go on because they don't think about the things we do, but I can't help but think that once you do think about these things once, you can't "unthink" them, I've already crossed a line that no one can really come back from in my eyes. Life is just boring, and tiresome, stressful, annoying, just difficult in general, and I'm not talking about my life specifically, I'm talking about life itself, no one's life is easy, so the only way this is worth it would be if the reward for doing it was good, but I don't really enjoy much, the highs I get from my coping mechanisms or few hobbies I have just feel like distractions and are over too soon, I'm only alive because I don't want to kill myself yet, because I have people I care about, but living only out of guilt will only take me so far.
I understand your point, and to be fair I do feel the same way sometimes. Whenever I look at the people around me, they're always so stressed, tired, anxious and angry, like they're going to snap at any second, and they keep going from goal to goal, barely celebrating their success before going to pursue the next one. I can't help but feel that happiness is just doomed to be brief and weak, and the journey to achieve it, filled with sadness and exhaustion, is too much to justify the little joy you get after it, it's like paying a high price for a mediocre product. At times I feel miserable for not having dreams, but other times I feel comfortable, because while I do feel empty, it still sounds better than the misery of having dreams and not being able to make them come true. I did enroll in higher education, but really it doesn't mean too much to me, since the end of high school I only took college entrance exams out of obligation, I chose a career, in this case medschool, because I had to choose something, and working for my parents at their store making minimum wage didn't sound good, so I took a shot while hoping for the best, I wasn't well back then, but I thought things would magically turn out fine because I still had these childish views of being the main character or something, or being special, and as time went by it became clear to me that this wouldn't be the case, I'll be dropping out this year and it's a long time coming, I only didn't drop out sooner because the pandemic made it so we had online exams and it was easy to cheat my way through. When I drop out I'll just become a NEET who my parents will resent and who my peers will look down on as they go on with their normal lives, I'm not a late bloomer, I'm clinically depressed and have also been planning my suicide for a few months, I don't see myself living a normal life and I don't even know if I want to, like you've said most people go on because they don't think about the things we do, but I can't help but think that once you do think about these things once, you can't "unthink" them, I've already crossed a line that no one can really come back from in my eyes. Life is just boring, and tiresome, stressful, annoying, just difficult in general, and I'm not talking about my life specifically, I'm talking about life itself, no one's life is easy, so the only way this is worth it would be if the reward for doing it was good, but I don't really enjoy much, the highs I get from my coping mechanisms or few hobbies I have just feel like distractions and are over too soon, I'm only alive because I don't want to kill myself yet, because I have people I care about, but living only out of guilt will only take me so far.
>>254848
Sometimes I think that respect and admiration from others is the most potent drug in the world and most normalfags are simply addicts and they live their entire lives just looking for the next hit. The more isolated you are the less you are able to feel the high from this drug. Same goes for those who are ugly and unlikeable because obviously they get less. An addict with a weak product will always be miserable. Neets are able to kick their addiction altogether through complete isolation. The concerns of normalfaggotry cease to matter anymore if you simply ignore them.
Sometimes I think that respect and admiration from others is the most potent drug in the world and most normalfags are simply addicts and they live their entire lives just looking for the next hit. The more isolated you are the less you are able to feel the high from this drug. Same goes for those who are ugly and unlikeable because obviously they get less. An addict with a weak product will always be miserable. Neets are able to kick their addiction altogether through complete isolation. The concerns of normalfaggotry cease to matter anymore if you simply ignore them.
>that was all over the internet
hearing gossip and spreading gossip are two very different things
>isn't it somewhat important when you give "lessons for life" to be at least a little bit, i don't know, mentally balanced?
I agree on that. I simply don't look at him as a substitute daddy, and take his "lessons of life" with a lot of salt I think he is very good college professor and I've enjoyed his lectures on topics I've already knew a lot.
Why I just do not simply dismiss him as annoying prick he is? Because I believe he is sincere and brave human, that took upon himself battles everybody else walked away from. He could have just lived his luxury life of college professor, but he didn't.
As to his 'mental illness'. I think it is only natural and proves that he is for real. He looked into abyss for to long, naturally it looked back
hearing gossip and spreading gossip are two very different things
>isn't it somewhat important when you give "lessons for life" to be at least a little bit, i don't know, mentally balanced?
I agree on that. I simply don't look at him as a substitute daddy, and take his "lessons of life" with a lot of salt I think he is very good college professor and I've enjoyed his lectures on topics I've already knew a lot.
Why I just do not simply dismiss him as annoying prick he is? Because I believe he is sincere and brave human, that took upon himself battles everybody else walked away from. He could have just lived his luxury life of college professor, but he didn't.
As to his 'mental illness'. I think it is only natural and proves that he is for real. He looked into abyss for to long, naturally it looked back
>>254909
>purpose/goal is a normalfag meme
Purpose/goal is not the same as meaning.
>enjoy
>exist to suffer
You are contradicting yourself. If you enjoy even 0.01% of the time, you do not "exist to suffer"
>becoming a buddhist monk just a fantasy
You do not need to become buddhist monk. You can just become a buddhist, it is very real, you adapt certain worldview and go from there, but "buddhist" is not some rigid status, label, or fixed set of beliefs, you'll need to become buddhist all the time, continuously. Life does not stop when you "become anybody". It's a stoic thing. Nothing to improve, nothing to achieve, but…What "but" is only for you to figure out
>purpose/goal is a normalfag meme
Purpose/goal is not the same as meaning.
>enjoy
>exist to suffer
You are contradicting yourself. If you enjoy even 0.01% of the time, you do not "exist to suffer"
>becoming a buddhist monk just a fantasy
You do not need to become buddhist monk. You can just become a buddhist, it is very real, you adapt certain worldview and go from there, but "buddhist" is not some rigid status, label, or fixed set of beliefs, you'll need to become buddhist all the time, continuously. Life does not stop when you "become anybody". It's a stoic thing. Nothing to improve, nothing to achieve, but…What "but" is only for you to figure out
rather feel miserable and aimless with little material discomfort than "enlightened" and in a lot of pain due to unstable socioeconomic conditions
I think I might have just destroyed my only friendship through alcohol abuse. Don't have anything else to add or an image to post.
>>254988
the drunk mind speaks a sober heart. was it really "abusing alcohol" that ruined it, or maybe your friendship had been tentative for awhile?
the drunk mind speaks a sober heart. was it really "abusing alcohol" that ruined it, or maybe your friendship had been tentative for awhile?
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>>254912
I agree 100% - I hate this dogmatic autist mindset that you have to find some big idea or purpose or meaning you have to live for and stick to it for the rest of your life. The human mind isn't a rock that is constant all the time, it's more like a sea that is sometimes calm, sometimes wild with winds and storms. It's okay to just go with the flow and to do whatever you currently want or find okay, even if it is contrary to your "belief" or "dogma". Fuck being consistent or logical, no such thing in actual life.
>>254937
Then you should drop out asap. It will be only worse if you don't do it now. Sounds like you have it rather good if your parents have their own store. Working with or for your family is as good as it can get for people like us when it comes to wageslaving. At least they probably understand you are a weird or autistic guy and will tolerate you more than a stranger boss and co-workers would. Maybe you could even learn how to manage things and inherit the store later.
Yes, once you took the "blackpill" you can't go back. We both know there is no worth in the normalfag life or in life in general. Sucks, but what can you do? Suicide is just a coping mechanism too for most people here, it isn't easy at all to pull it off. We are pretty much stuck here and should make do with what we can. Good luck.
>>254969
>Purpose/goal is not the same as meaning.
Maybe but would having a meaning change anything? I don't think so. Life would still suck balls. I think it is better to just go along with the flow instead trying to live up to some abstract meaning you think is cool.
>You are contradicting yourself. If you enjoy even 0.01% of the time, you do not "exist to suffer"
How is it a contradiction, exactly? 90% of life is suffering, I think everyone here can agree on that. The remaining 10% is the good times, yes, but overall the bad and suffering massively outweigh the fun times. The good times come and go really fast and they aren't as good as the bad stuff are bad. The dark side of life is simply much more powerful, that is all.
>You can just become a buddhist, it is very real, you adapt certain worldview and go from there, but "buddhist" is not some rigid status, label, or fixed set of beliefs, you'll need to become buddhist all the time, continuously.
That's just what is putting me off from pursuing it, I wouldn't be a good buddhist at all. I have a weak will and I get enchanted by "wordly" things and pleasure all the time. My mind knows that being and acting like a buddhist would be the correct thing and the logical thing. But I can't pull it off most of the time.
Through my life I've been so many persons, so to speak. I had a communist period, anarchist period, fascist period, nietzschean period, christian period, gnostic period, hedonistic period, stoic period, god I tried out being almost everything. And I fail continously. I don't know what I want or even if there is a thing as "me". I feel like a mess of emotions and thoughts in a body. I just don't know anything anymore. I feel like I'm going to have a breakdown every day. There is a void inside me that would like to pull in all the world and everybody. Is this how it feels like to be insane?
I agree 100% - I hate this dogmatic autist mindset that you have to find some big idea or purpose or meaning you have to live for and stick to it for the rest of your life. The human mind isn't a rock that is constant all the time, it's more like a sea that is sometimes calm, sometimes wild with winds and storms. It's okay to just go with the flow and to do whatever you currently want or find okay, even if it is contrary to your "belief" or "dogma". Fuck being consistent or logical, no such thing in actual life.
>>254937
Then you should drop out asap. It will be only worse if you don't do it now. Sounds like you have it rather good if your parents have their own store. Working with or for your family is as good as it can get for people like us when it comes to wageslaving. At least they probably understand you are a weird or autistic guy and will tolerate you more than a stranger boss and co-workers would. Maybe you could even learn how to manage things and inherit the store later.
Yes, once you took the "blackpill" you can't go back. We both know there is no worth in the normalfag life or in life in general. Sucks, but what can you do? Suicide is just a coping mechanism too for most people here, it isn't easy at all to pull it off. We are pretty much stuck here and should make do with what we can. Good luck.
>>254969
>Purpose/goal is not the same as meaning.
Maybe but would having a meaning change anything? I don't think so. Life would still suck balls. I think it is better to just go along with the flow instead trying to live up to some abstract meaning you think is cool.
>You are contradicting yourself. If you enjoy even 0.01% of the time, you do not "exist to suffer"
How is it a contradiction, exactly? 90% of life is suffering, I think everyone here can agree on that. The remaining 10% is the good times, yes, but overall the bad and suffering massively outweigh the fun times. The good times come and go really fast and they aren't as good as the bad stuff are bad. The dark side of life is simply much more powerful, that is all.
>You can just become a buddhist, it is very real, you adapt certain worldview and go from there, but "buddhist" is not some rigid status, label, or fixed set of beliefs, you'll need to become buddhist all the time, continuously.
That's just what is putting me off from pursuing it, I wouldn't be a good buddhist at all. I have a weak will and I get enchanted by "wordly" things and pleasure all the time. My mind knows that being and acting like a buddhist would be the correct thing and the logical thing. But I can't pull it off most of the time.
Through my life I've been so many persons, so to speak. I had a communist period, anarchist period, fascist period, nietzschean period, christian period, gnostic period, hedonistic period, stoic period, god I tried out being almost everything. And I fail continously. I don't know what I want or even if there is a thing as "me". I feel like a mess of emotions and thoughts in a body. I just don't know anything anymore. I feel like I'm going to have a breakdown every day. There is a void inside me that would like to pull in all the world and everybody. Is this how it feels like to be insane?
>>254991
> the drunk mind speaks a sober heart
I disagree. That may be true to some extent but many people become irrationally emotional when drunk. Calm people become irritable, upbeat people become depressed, etc. If that wiz said it was due to alcohol abuse I believe him. Relationships are built on knowing how to properly care for one another, and of alcohol makes you blurt out something that hurts the other, regardless if you truly think it or not, you will drive them away. And with alcoholics it’s not something one can ignore, as the ritualistic abuse of alcohol becomes more frequent they may be that unpleasant version of themselves more than the sober person you once enjoyed the company of.
> the drunk mind speaks a sober heart
I disagree. That may be true to some extent but many people become irrationally emotional when drunk. Calm people become irritable, upbeat people become depressed, etc. If that wiz said it was due to alcohol abuse I believe him. Relationships are built on knowing how to properly care for one another, and of alcohol makes you blurt out something that hurts the other, regardless if you truly think it or not, you will drive them away. And with alcoholics it’s not something one can ignore, as the ritualistic abuse of alcohol becomes more frequent they may be that unpleasant version of themselves more than the sober person you once enjoyed the company of.
>>254993
> I had a communist period, anarchist period, fascist period, nietzschean period, christian period, gnostic period, hedonistic period, stoic period, god I tried out being almost everything
kek. Can't you just be yourself?
> I had a communist period, anarchist period, fascist period, nietzschean period, christian period, gnostic period, hedonistic period, stoic period, god I tried out being almost everything
kek. Can't you just be yourself?
>>254994
it's true for me anyway. i count all the antisocial episodes i can remember having and most are from when i was entirely sober. if anything, drugs just increase the likelihood i will enter one of those moods (but also generally enhance my feeling of enjoyment in plenty of other cases). never had friends but closest comparison i can make is having arguments with family while drunk and i dont see any measurable strain on those relationships weeks later. nothing even years afterward. i would imagine someone that didnt want to deal with you would use the temporary increase in difficulty of doing so that alcohol adds as an excuse to abandon you.
i have been around a lot of alcoholics and none did anything worse than yelling (no threats though) or breaking things, so it seems like a false cliche that being an asshole on alcohol warrants such an extreme response. maybe family only take it so far among each other, but you always hear about drunk fathers beating their wife and kids (which is a fair reason to cut ties, but doesnt seem to be the norm).
it's true for me anyway. i count all the antisocial episodes i can remember having and most are from when i was entirely sober. if anything, drugs just increase the likelihood i will enter one of those moods (but also generally enhance my feeling of enjoyment in plenty of other cases). never had friends but closest comparison i can make is having arguments with family while drunk and i dont see any measurable strain on those relationships weeks later. nothing even years afterward. i would imagine someone that didnt want to deal with you would use the temporary increase in difficulty of doing so that alcohol adds as an excuse to abandon you.
i have been around a lot of alcoholics and none did anything worse than yelling (no threats though) or breaking things, so it seems like a false cliche that being an asshole on alcohol warrants such an extreme response. maybe family only take it so far among each other, but you always hear about drunk fathers beating their wife and kids (which is a fair reason to cut ties, but doesnt seem to be the norm).
I need to pick up my cats thyroid medication but I have no idea how to get there. My mom's truck died, we haven't been able to get it running… I don't have any other friends or family I can ask. I keep thinking of trying to call a taxi or something but the prospect gives me massive anxiety. I can't do anything right. I wish I was fucking dead. I hate myself so God Damn much.
>>254997
Download the Uber or Lyft apps, you can arrange a ride without saying a word. They are expensive though, but so are taxis.
Download the Uber or Lyft apps, you can arrange a ride without saying a word. They are expensive though, but so are taxis.
>>255032
All people are composites of their surrounding. Rarely does someone possess a true, unique, inborn trait. You are you by fact, even if that you is trying to be something else.
All people are composites of their surrounding. Rarely does someone possess a true, unique, inborn trait. You are you by fact, even if that you is trying to be something else.
I saw some daffodils sprouting today. Spring is almost here. The sight of those daffodils should make me happy but instead I just feel anxiety. Winter feels like an excuse to just sit around and wait for time to pass, but I know with the spring will come renewed pressure for me to start living a more active life.
Because of a series of unusual and fortunate events I received $300 yesterday for absolutely free.
Yet my TV has a problem and repairing it will cost at least half of that, even when good things happen to me bad things always follow.
Yet my TV has a problem and repairing it will cost at least half of that, even when good things happen to me bad things always follow.
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>>254993
Thank you for this post, wizzie. First post in a long time that has really “clicked” for me. You and I are similar, perhaps. Though you are likely wiser.
Thank you for this post, wizzie. First post in a long time that has really “clicked” for me. You and I are similar, perhaps. Though you are likely wiser.
>>255032
That is true for everyone. Your self does not even exist, you are just a vessel for other influences. The most mentally helpful concepts I have learned are from Alan Watts' Zen inspired view that our self is just the universe as a whole.
>>254993
I follow you at the beginning, then you seem to get lost at the end. Apply your first paragraph as an argument against how you avoid 'pursuing buddhism'. I took what concepts I found useful from Buddhism and use them however feels right
That is true for everyone. Your self does not even exist, you are just a vessel for other influences. The most mentally helpful concepts I have learned are from Alan Watts' Zen inspired view that our self is just the universe as a whole.
>>254993
I follow you at the beginning, then you seem to get lost at the end. Apply your first paragraph as an argument against how you avoid 'pursuing buddhism'. I took what concepts I found useful from Buddhism and use them however feels right
>>254220
>being the ultimate origin of your actions makes yourself the cause of yourself, which is nonsense. Like you say, it would ignore external factors like genes and conditioning.
genes and conditioning as well as other supposed external factors are as much of you as is your "I" "ME" So why than is it that we can imagine ourselves "walking in someone else's shoes"? Empathy which benefits the group. Should you think "how would I feel if I were them?" It's delusional because their is no you if you were them you are merely empathising. You are not in control of supposed external factors because you are these factors you are your parent nurturing you are your surroundings you are your school you went to and your teacher these difine you if they didn't you would not be you which is nonsense.
Empathizing is an obstacle to deterministic reasoning
>If the world is deterministic then our fight against fate is imaginary, but then our fatalism at the cruelty of fate would also be imaginary.
More like "our fatalism at the cruelty of fate would also be fated"
>being the ultimate origin of your actions makes yourself the cause of yourself, which is nonsense. Like you say, it would ignore external factors like genes and conditioning.
genes and conditioning as well as other supposed external factors are as much of you as is your "I" "ME" So why than is it that we can imagine ourselves "walking in someone else's shoes"? Empathy which benefits the group. Should you think "how would I feel if I were them?" It's delusional because their is no you if you were them you are merely empathising. You are not in control of supposed external factors because you are these factors you are your parent nurturing you are your surroundings you are your school you went to and your teacher these difine you if they didn't you would not be you which is nonsense.
Empathizing is an obstacle to deterministic reasoning
>If the world is deterministic then our fight against fate is imaginary, but then our fatalism at the cruelty of fate would also be imaginary.
More like "our fatalism at the cruelty of fate would also be fated"
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Took the same train route today as I did back when I was going to college, that was seven years ago, nothing has changed.
>>255062
General nonspecific IT course, wasted two years and spent the whole time as a mute ghost feeling alienated and miserable, exactly how I felt today.
General nonspecific IT course, wasted two years and spent the whole time as a mute ghost feeling alienated and miserable, exactly how I felt today.
>>255063
you wasted 2 years you say so nothing came out of it, youre not working on somethign realted to it? how old were you back then, i heard normos saying that it's important to make connections and build a network in college. That must be hard for a wiz to do
you wasted 2 years you say so nothing came out of it, youre not working on somethign realted to it? how old were you back then, i heard normos saying that it's important to make connections and build a network in college. That must be hard for a wiz to do
impossible for me to build motivation to do anything. i have no degree, no driver license, and no money. i can't build the motivation or anything to study something, when i do it last for 2-3 months then just dies out and i am back to maldapative daydreaming for 10 hrs a day
can't do anything right, everything I touch turns into shit. All I want to do is disappear into the abyss
>>255067
First thing you need to do is get your driver's license.
Either get a job close to where you live (so you can bike or walk there) to save up for a car and to pay for your driver's license.
Or have your family help you get your driver's license, then apply for jobs. Once you have a job, work there for awhile, then apply to a better job.
That is how it works. Your first job has to be shitty, like working in a restaurant or something similar.
First thing you need to do is get your driver's license.
Either get a job close to where you live (so you can bike or walk there) to save up for a car and to pay for your driver's license.
Or have your family help you get your driver's license, then apply for jobs. Once you have a job, work there for awhile, then apply to a better job.
That is how it works. Your first job has to be shitty, like working in a restaurant or something similar.
>>255069
He isn’t motivated to get a license or job. He won’t do it if he feels like he can’t/ doesn’t want to/ shouldn’t. He needs to find within himself a reason to get a car or job, and not just a reason, but a reason compelling enough to move his limbs towards it.
He isn’t motivated to get a license or job. He won’t do it if he feels like he can’t/ doesn’t want to/ shouldn’t. He needs to find within himself a reason to get a car or job, and not just a reason, but a reason compelling enough to move his limbs towards it.
>>254993
What the fuck is a nietzschean period? Also, your political periods sounds like you are a teenager still. Once you grow up you will stop having such phases. We waste time and then we die. Not much more to it really.
What the fuck is a nietzschean period? Also, your political periods sounds like you are a teenager still. Once you grow up you will stop having such phases. We waste time and then we die. Not much more to it really.
>>255035
I am me only as far as my body exists, at this point I think that. When it comes to mental things and personality I am 0.
>>255037
True. There is nothing to embrace. Just an endless void and spiral that has no end.
>>255052
Similar problems or feelings? I honestly can't take anyone seriously nowadays who says they have a rock-solid personal philosophy or worldview. I find that these so called dogmatists or fanatics never really thought about things as deeply as they should have, that is why they don't see the fault in their ideology.
Hell, no, I'm not a sage by a long shot, the more I read and think the more I relize how much I don't know. I'm only good at writing things out of myself, probably.
Also, I had a minor revelation yesterday or the day before. Truth doesn't matter, pick something you like mostly and brute force your way through arguments and word-plays so that others will agree with you. I think this is what everyone else does.
>>255054
You are right in both cases. I don't think "self" exists in the way we use this word. And yes, I answered myself in my own post…Probably will get into buddhism or eastern philosophy in general, sounds like it is what I am looking for.
>>255079
>nietzschean period
When you are inspired by the writings of Nietzsche? Focusing on moral relativity, egoism, and the will-to-power? At least it was that way for me.
I'm not a teenager, I'm 25. Been having this identity crisis in the last 10 years. I never really managed to find an idea I 100% agreed with. Guess I have the nature of a skeptic.
I am me only as far as my body exists, at this point I think that. When it comes to mental things and personality I am 0.
>>255037
True. There is nothing to embrace. Just an endless void and spiral that has no end.
>>255052
Similar problems or feelings? I honestly can't take anyone seriously nowadays who says they have a rock-solid personal philosophy or worldview. I find that these so called dogmatists or fanatics never really thought about things as deeply as they should have, that is why they don't see the fault in their ideology.
Hell, no, I'm not a sage by a long shot, the more I read and think the more I relize how much I don't know. I'm only good at writing things out of myself, probably.
Also, I had a minor revelation yesterday or the day before. Truth doesn't matter, pick something you like mostly and brute force your way through arguments and word-plays so that others will agree with you. I think this is what everyone else does.
>>255054
You are right in both cases. I don't think "self" exists in the way we use this word. And yes, I answered myself in my own post…Probably will get into buddhism or eastern philosophy in general, sounds like it is what I am looking for.
>>255079
>nietzschean period
When you are inspired by the writings of Nietzsche? Focusing on moral relativity, egoism, and the will-to-power? At least it was that way for me.
I'm not a teenager, I'm 25. Been having this identity crisis in the last 10 years. I never really managed to find an idea I 100% agreed with. Guess I have the nature of a skeptic.
>>255082
>I never really managed to find an idea I 100% agreed with. Guess I have the nature of a skeptic.
It took me psychosis and writing hundreds of pages of circular thoughts until I found a truth that I have kept for the last 3 years. And it keeps working. I have reached intellectual and philosophical peace. It helps me to get better in other parts of life. It's quite enjoyable and makes stuff like depression more bearable. You can do it too. You can be a sceptic, but you have to look out if that's sufficient for you. For me it was not. I'm sceptical of most things, but to this day I can't find a flaw in the answer I came up with.
>I never really managed to find an idea I 100% agreed with. Guess I have the nature of a skeptic.
It took me psychosis and writing hundreds of pages of circular thoughts until I found a truth that I have kept for the last 3 years. And it keeps working. I have reached intellectual and philosophical peace. It helps me to get better in other parts of life. It's quite enjoyable and makes stuff like depression more bearable. You can do it too. You can be a sceptic, but you have to look out if that's sufficient for you. For me it was not. I'm sceptical of most things, but to this day I can't find a flaw in the answer I came up with.
I want to get into warhammer 40k, buy figures, paint them, read the books etc… been thinking of it for years but nothing happens
>>255087
it is cool but I tried it and realized I'm physically incapable of doing it, my hands can't steady enough to paint properly on such a small scale
it is cool but I tried it and realized I'm physically incapable of doing it, my hands can't steady enough to paint properly on such a small scale
>>255089
Probably will be same for me I suppose. I looked at it in a store and it is surprisingly small
Probably will be same for me I suppose. I looked at it in a store and it is surprisingly small
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>>255089
I have bought several (non warhammer) garage kits that I still have not assembled and painted because it refuse to do it in a space shared with my family and I’ve never had a proper place to even begin getting invested in it yet. They’ve been sitting in the attic for almost six years now. Some day I’ll have a place of my own with a garage I turn into my little kit studio. Someday.
I have bought several (non warhammer) garage kits that I still have not assembled and painted because it refuse to do it in a space shared with my family and I’ve never had a proper place to even begin getting invested in it yet. They’ve been sitting in the attic for almost six years now. Some day I’ll have a place of my own with a garage I turn into my little kit studio. Someday.
The agony of being off the methadone. It. Is. Palpable. I guess they're just trying to get me to straighten out a little bit. It's bearable but barely so. I feel as if my quality of life has been reduced. Perhaps - it is all a cruel punishment rendered to me for an error. I feel as if it is.
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I'll just leave this here
>>255106
Said by someone who lived a happy life, achieved great celebrity status and along with it riches, and had no worries in life. Can't believe you people still fall for this bs
Said by someone who lived a happy life, achieved great celebrity status and along with it riches, and had no worries in life. Can't believe you people still fall for this bs
>>255064
No, if I do get an IT job in the future it'll be with skills that were self-taught. I was 17 and yeah, I hear that meme a lot and they're right, in fact I would say the majority of the education system boils down to making connections and becoming socially well adjusted, therein lies the real value, adult life is just another popularity contest.
No, if I do get an IT job in the future it'll be with skills that were self-taught. I was 17 and yeah, I hear that meme a lot and they're right, in fact I would say the majority of the education system boils down to making connections and becoming socially well adjusted, therein lies the real value, adult life is just another popularity contest.
>>255063
I did that for 7 years. That was 5 years ago and it was all for nothing despite good grades. In case that makes you feel better.
I did that for 7 years. That was 5 years ago and it was all for nothing despite good grades. In case that makes you feel better.
>>255083
I'm not sure I could do it too. My mind is way too turbulent for it to stick to one ideology for too long. I always notice bits and pieces that don't leave a good impression on me in thoughts and philosophies.
>It took me psychosis
What was it like?
>>255108
Hahaha. Yes, very true indeed. Being the epic depressed, pessimist thinker was the trend after Schopenhauer and Nietzsche for quite a while. You'd expect to hear sentences like that from the mouths of holocaust survivors or people from 3rd world countries, not from a chad intellectual who lived in the 1st world.
>>255109
A shame. Our culture would be more realistic if that was the case, instead of this hyper-optimism we have nowadays.
I'm not sure I could do it too. My mind is way too turbulent for it to stick to one ideology for too long. I always notice bits and pieces that don't leave a good impression on me in thoughts and philosophies.
>It took me psychosis
What was it like?
>>255108
Hahaha. Yes, very true indeed. Being the epic depressed, pessimist thinker was the trend after Schopenhauer and Nietzsche for quite a while. You'd expect to hear sentences like that from the mouths of holocaust survivors or people from 3rd world countries, not from a chad intellectual who lived in the 1st world.
>>255109
A shame. Our culture would be more realistic if that was the case, instead of this hyper-optimism we have nowadays.
>>255157
>>255175
It's not really important to spell out my answer here. I could upload a pdf of my text but it's in german. Also you guys could probably find flaws if you search for it logically. The much more important part for me in retrospect was to find my own language, coin my own terms for what I want to believe. Simply reading something and then decide to either discard it or stick to it wouldn't work for me. I had to formulate my own thoughts. I think I had a simple fundamental concept very early on but it took me years to recognice the beauty of it and put it into words that I can understand and believe in.
>>255175
It's not really important to spell out my answer here. I could upload a pdf of my text but it's in german. Also you guys could probably find flaws if you search for it logically. The much more important part for me in retrospect was to find my own language, coin my own terms for what I want to believe. Simply reading something and then decide to either discard it or stick to it wouldn't work for me. I had to formulate my own thoughts. I think I had a simple fundamental concept very early on but it took me years to recognice the beauty of it and put it into words that I can understand and believe in.
>>255186
>what was it like?
Dissociation, derealization. The experience that my head is not connected to my body, actions are not connected to the conscious mind. Quite a common phenomenon I learned but when you are in a very acute and severe state of having these symptoms it feels like you are the only one to ever experiencing it, and it feels like it has been forever this way your whole life and will be forever like that. Your thoughts run in circles and you feel like you develope a connection to the world that is so far apart of normal experience and other people that you are truly alienated from yourself and your surroundings. I think it was this very psychotic state of mind which enabled me to write my philosophy and find a language for it that somehow 'reestablishes' a livable connection to reality form an alienated, unlivable point of view. I bruteforced an antipsychotic path through (painful) philosophical thinking instead of resorting to medication or doctors whom I never consulted.
>what was it like?
Dissociation, derealization. The experience that my head is not connected to my body, actions are not connected to the conscious mind. Quite a common phenomenon I learned but when you are in a very acute and severe state of having these symptoms it feels like you are the only one to ever experiencing it, and it feels like it has been forever this way your whole life and will be forever like that. Your thoughts run in circles and you feel like you develope a connection to the world that is so far apart of normal experience and other people that you are truly alienated from yourself and your surroundings. I think it was this very psychotic state of mind which enabled me to write my philosophy and find a language for it that somehow 'reestablishes' a livable connection to reality form an alienated, unlivable point of view. I bruteforced an antipsychotic path through (painful) philosophical thinking instead of resorting to medication or doctors whom I never consulted.
All right guys, I'm legit scared. I'm experiencing signs or premonitions. This is crazy, absolutely. It's like when I think about something I see it mentioned in a short while on some kind of media, whether video games or such. I'm scared. For example I was thinking about the whole self/no-self thing and about whether truth exists or not and then I watch a longplay of Metal Gear Solid 2 and the ending is about this fucking subject, basically. This is just one example. What is happening to me? Am I going nuts finally? It's like what I think in advance is meeting me through the world soon. Another example, I was thinking about a video game randomly for the 1st time in years and thought it was good, then after a few days of this I find on youtube that a sequel is being made. What the hell? These things happen way too often lately to label them as simple coincidences. Do I have 6th sense all of a sudden? Or some supernatural being is sending me signs? Or am I just schizophrenic?
>>255187
Sounds yummy and "fun". Can relate to some of the feelings you list. Are you okay now?
>>255187
Sounds yummy and "fun". Can relate to some of the feelings you list. Are you okay now?
>>255190
This shit happens to me too, media reflecting whatever i think at very specific times- billboards displaying my thoughts the second i think them. new games movies being announced the second i look into them. if you still have a grip on yourself its a good thing i'm not very good at expressing my opinions in a verbose manner anymore.
This shit happens to me too, media reflecting whatever i think at very specific times- billboards displaying my thoughts the second i think them. new games movies being announced the second i look into them. if you still have a grip on yourself its a good thing i'm not very good at expressing my opinions in a verbose manner anymore.
For about 5 years now I have sporadically tried to talk to random people on the internet. I always fail for some reason; there seems to be no place whatsoever where you can chat with random people, at least none that I'm aware of. My threads and replies usually don't get any answers. Anyway, my best and only friend has moved to another city and I'm sure we'll both lose contact. All we did was go to the movies once in a while but still, it's a painful feeling. Absolutely loneliness now. I don't want to do anything with my life, although I have some plans on how to keep going on as peacefully as possible with my life. I have stopped trying not to suffer, I'm at peace and that's all I really can do.
>>255187
>>255190
I was actually reading the social work subreddit trying to get ideas for neetbux and came across a thread that mentioned a gen z trend to self diagnose with disassociation and schizophrenia. Just sort of funny how I read that then I see these posts. Maybe that's a coincidence or sixth sense too
>>255190
I was actually reading the social work subreddit trying to get ideas for neetbux and came across a thread that mentioned a gen z trend to self diagnose with disassociation and schizophrenia. Just sort of funny how I read that then I see these posts. Maybe that's a coincidence or sixth sense too
>>255219
When you consider the world that Gen Z kids are being born into, does it really seem that far-fetched that many of them turn out dissociated and psychotic in one way or another?
When you consider the world that Gen Z kids are being born into, does it really seem that far-fetched that many of them turn out dissociated and psychotic in one way or another?
>>255227
>cringe
It seems you've made a typo. Try rewording your post and substituting cringe for "cringy" or "cringe-worthy".
>cringe
It seems you've made a typo. Try rewording your post and substituting cringe for "cringy" or "cringe-worthy".
>>255227
First it was depression, then autism, then ADHD/anxiety, now it's schizophrenia. Wonder where it will go next.
First it was depression, then autism, then ADHD/anxiety, now it's schizophrenia. Wonder where it will go next.
I'm so tired of putting in 300% effort whilst getting borderline failing results.
Everyone seems to breeze through this shit. Even the fuckers who are not passionate about it.
It seems like normies are NPCs programmed to do bland boring shit well…
I don't get it…
Everyone seems to breeze through this shit. Even the fuckers who are not passionate about it.
It seems like normies are NPCs programmed to do bland boring shit well…
I don't get it…
>>255193
>>255219
Do you believe in ESP? I never really believed this stuff but nowadays, who knows? When I feel myself going through these experiences they seem very real. I wonder if being a male virgin can unironically give you superpowers lol
>>255205
Don't bother with normalfags. And don't rely on other wizards either. Social interaction is kind of pointless because nobody will understand you 100% except for yourself. Learn to live in solitude and post here if you want to talk with someone.
>>255236
But you said it yourself, normals are npcs, that's it. They don't really think or feel the way you or we do. That is why they don't suffer as much as we do - they have low intellectual capacity and they have a "tough skin" or rather they don't get worked up over shit as much as we do. To me it seems like wizards are always hyper-sensitive to some extent.
>>255219
Do you believe in ESP? I never really believed this stuff but nowadays, who knows? When I feel myself going through these experiences they seem very real. I wonder if being a male virgin can unironically give you superpowers lol
>>255205
Don't bother with normalfags. And don't rely on other wizards either. Social interaction is kind of pointless because nobody will understand you 100% except for yourself. Learn to live in solitude and post here if you want to talk with someone.
>>255236
But you said it yourself, normals are npcs, that's it. They don't really think or feel the way you or we do. That is why they don't suffer as much as we do - they have low intellectual capacity and they have a "tough skin" or rather they don't get worked up over shit as much as we do. To me it seems like wizards are always hyper-sensitive to some extent.
>>255248
I agree that some of them really don't think much about stuff.
I've suffered immense failure recently in university because of some extremely mundane stuff I didn't do.
I didn't do this because I never thought it was really that big of a deal, some paperwork and a bunch of memorization was all I had to do. But I didn't do it because of how insignificant it was.
It seems like the work life, university is just endless paperwork…
Modern life is just slavery, there is nothing soulful, meaningful or creative about it…
I agree that some of them really don't think much about stuff.
I've suffered immense failure recently in university because of some extremely mundane stuff I didn't do.
I didn't do this because I never thought it was really that big of a deal, some paperwork and a bunch of memorization was all I had to do. But I didn't do it because of how insignificant it was.
It seems like the work life, university is just endless paperwork…
Modern life is just slavery, there is nothing soulful, meaningful or creative about it…
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>>255256
God of Blood, I evoke thee as the Dark Flame Master. Omoshiroi, such raw unbridled power… looks like I won't have to hold back
God of Blood, I evoke thee as the Dark Flame Master. Omoshiroi, such raw unbridled power… looks like I won't have to hold back
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don't know where to post this so here it goes my wizzaz
>>255109
Most depressed losers just get ignored and disappear. Nobody wants to listen to someone talk about how they've tried things and it didn't work, there's nothing to even say. Peoples experiences like that are not valuable or retained by the collective culture. Looking at the internet you see how absent depressed losers are; in video form the popular videos of the mentally ill are all functional people striving. The internet despite being accessible to everyone is absent losers because they don't engage with the hostile social sphere.
We aren't real humans and our experiences aren't part of the memory of the world. I don't things get better for most people. All the books I read about people who overcome this stuff don't contain actual fucked up losers. I think we just suffer and die in silence.
Most depressed losers just get ignored and disappear. Nobody wants to listen to someone talk about how they've tried things and it didn't work, there's nothing to even say. Peoples experiences like that are not valuable or retained by the collective culture. Looking at the internet you see how absent depressed losers are; in video form the popular videos of the mentally ill are all functional people striving. The internet despite being accessible to everyone is absent losers because they don't engage with the hostile social sphere.
We aren't real humans and our experiences aren't part of the memory of the world. I don't things get better for most people. All the books I read about people who overcome this stuff don't contain actual fucked up losers. I think we just suffer and die in silence.
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my mom is coming for a visit. thinking of doing something v stupid. i dont want to be here another day. im close to giving up completely and becoming something else. im very tired. i dont know what else to try. i love you, i can give you great things, but i cant force you to take something you dont want.
>>255291
I don't understand your point, what would a "winner" look like? A wage slave? Going through the motions for 40 years to get a shitty pension an get placed in an asylum by his/hers kids so they don't have to bother with him/her and can finally have the house? Is that your idea of "better" or "winning"?
And who gives a fuck about "the collective culture" or "the memory of the world"? This place, this "reality" what ever this is, a dream, a prison, is shit and always has been. That is why your "memory of the world" talks about the suffering of existence in every fucking religion and philosophy that has ever existed. Fuck off with your "real human" bullshit. When you say that what you really mean is "mediocre humans" and no, we are by no means "mediocre humans", fuck that noise.
Don't get confused by appearances that lead you to idealize some life that very very few people have enjoyed even temporarily in this world, the reality as Thoreau's put it is that "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation", they are just good a faking it, that is all.
I don't understand your point, what would a "winner" look like? A wage slave? Going through the motions for 40 years to get a shitty pension an get placed in an asylum by his/hers kids so they don't have to bother with him/her and can finally have the house? Is that your idea of "better" or "winning"?
And who gives a fuck about "the collective culture" or "the memory of the world"? This place, this "reality" what ever this is, a dream, a prison, is shit and always has been. That is why your "memory of the world" talks about the suffering of existence in every fucking religion and philosophy that has ever existed. Fuck off with your "real human" bullshit. When you say that what you really mean is "mediocre humans" and no, we are by no means "mediocre humans", fuck that noise.
Don't get confused by appearances that lead you to idealize some life that very very few people have enjoyed even temporarily in this world, the reality as Thoreau's put it is that "Most men lead lives of quiet desperation", they are just good a faking it, that is all.
>>255295
He didn't even use the word winner, what is this strawman you're making. Sounds like you're making up reasons to make depression some noble state.
He didn't even use the word winner, what is this strawman you're making. Sounds like you're making up reasons to make depression some noble state.
For the demiurge's sake, I feel so horrible now. I wish I was dead. Fuck this life, with a big nigger dick. I was only put onto this Earth to suffer because I can't get what I want. Never. Nope. Not me. And people constantly need to rub this into my face, you know, because I don't have enough problems already. And life needs to show what I can never have day by day. I'm so done. I want this world to burn and want to cause others suffering at this point. I think that is the only thing that would cause me any sort of satisfaction in the slightest. I want revenge, which I will never have. I want to die. But I can't have that either. I want to disappear. Become a statue or a tree or something. Or go to heaven and rain fires on this shit world.
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>>255295
I was just replying about how losers aren't quoted and their lives aren't noted down and passed through the culture over generations, because their experiences don't have value to be done so. Other people are part of this process.
I was just replying about how losers aren't quoted and their lives aren't noted down and passed through the culture over generations, because their experiences don't have value to be done so. Other people are part of this process.
>>255323
You kinda just live life from milestone to milestone. If you miss one then everything just kinda stagnates until you reach the next tmilestone.
You kinda just live life from milestone to milestone. If you miss one then everything just kinda stagnates until you reach the next tmilestone.
>>255323
You just answered yourself. We were put here, as far as we know, against our will. We don't know what this place is or what is going on. So logic dictates that this - life - is to be an exploration journey to try to find those answers. If at any point the journey gets to shitty, you can always take the emergency exit.
You just answered yourself. We were put here, as far as we know, against our will. We don't know what this place is or what is going on. So logic dictates that this - life - is to be an exploration journey to try to find those answers. If at any point the journey gets to shitty, you can always take the emergency exit.
>>255326
>We were put here, as far as we know, against our will. We don't know what this place is or what is going on.
The main thing one has to recognize is that there is a fundamental sameness of the origin between oneself and the universe. Consciousness, which is imposed on us via physical processes that root back to the potential space of the universe, is the hard wired and brutal division of this sameness. We are differentiated from the universe because we have a point of reference to ourselves in contrast to the world external to us. This directly leads to pain and suffering but also gives us the potential to go beyond our natural state of being for example by using, exploring and analysing the universe, generating knowledge and inventing symbols and language, create meaning and so on.
Now the point that I want to make is simply that because of the sameness of origin this in return gives us universal claims. The universe claims a lot from us, it not only makes us feel pain and manifests suffering, it even makes us conscious so that we certainly know that we suffer. We are forced to experience things that we don't want. Now, in return this means, as we stem from the universe but are disintegrated from this mutual unity because of a dividing consciousness, that we can also claim things from the universe. The universe demands from us and we can demand back. We can claim that we have the right to do everything necessary to fulfill our will. We can claim absolute self value no matter what we do or not do. Of course in reality our claims mostly are realized in the frame and context of social relations, meaning other consciousnesses that are also divided from universal unity and thrown in the realm of suffering.
>We were put here, as far as we know, against our will. We don't know what this place is or what is going on.
The main thing one has to recognize is that there is a fundamental sameness of the origin between oneself and the universe. Consciousness, which is imposed on us via physical processes that root back to the potential space of the universe, is the hard wired and brutal division of this sameness. We are differentiated from the universe because we have a point of reference to ourselves in contrast to the world external to us. This directly leads to pain and suffering but also gives us the potential to go beyond our natural state of being for example by using, exploring and analysing the universe, generating knowledge and inventing symbols and language, create meaning and so on.
Now the point that I want to make is simply that because of the sameness of origin this in return gives us universal claims. The universe claims a lot from us, it not only makes us feel pain and manifests suffering, it even makes us conscious so that we certainly know that we suffer. We are forced to experience things that we don't want. Now, in return this means, as we stem from the universe but are disintegrated from this mutual unity because of a dividing consciousness, that we can also claim things from the universe. The universe demands from us and we can demand back. We can claim that we have the right to do everything necessary to fulfill our will. We can claim absolute self value no matter what we do or not do. Of course in reality our claims mostly are realized in the frame and context of social relations, meaning other consciousnesses that are also divided from universal unity and thrown in the realm of suffering.
parents scream at me for not going to my relatives house when they invite us to eat. They tell me it’s rude. All my relatives do is pick at me for still being in college and ask me if I am getting a job yet and make fun of me for being in my room all the time. They act like I have no problems and am supposed to be perfect.
Staying quiet when you're humiliated is unfortunately a necessary skill of being a part of society. You stay quiet when your teacher/boss/superior decided to abuse their power and affirm their superiority over you because fighting back will get you into trouble. You stay quiet when your peers/family pick on you because if you fight back, they will gang up on you or cut you off and you most likely depend on them for something. You stay quiet when the police and the bureaucrats use the law against you because to fight back is to have the entire system crush you with like a bug. Only a very small number of powerful or lucky people can get away with their fighting back. For others, being able to handle humiliation is like a coming of age ritual in integrating to society.
>>255346
Argue in a very calm and collected matter without sounding hurt or whiny (being the "adult on the room" to make them feel bad about their screaming) that it is rude for your relatives to threat you like that so it's fair for you to be rude back.
Plus, that type of behavior, pointing peoples flaws and low points, is indicative of bad people and there is no reason to engage with bad people relatives or not. And let that be the end of it, what ever they say.
They are going to give you shit for that and they may go as far as to argue that your relatives are right on telling you those things and that you should "get your shit together", that is where the counter point of "only shitty people do that kind of thing, good people would offer to help" (recommending you for a job, for example) comes into play.
Garbage people do that to establish status, and to mark that they are above you and you are below them on the group. It's shitty apish behavior. Smart shitty people fake "concern" about you and offer fake help without really meaning it while they are humiliating you to make it socially acceptable and to not look like they are complete garbage. If you take them on their offer, they would not lift a finger to actually did what they said and that is how you know they were fake as shit. If they are stupid enough not to bother offering help to conceal their true intentions, use it against them.
Argue in a very calm and collected matter without sounding hurt or whiny (being the "adult on the room" to make them feel bad about their screaming) that it is rude for your relatives to threat you like that so it's fair for you to be rude back.
Plus, that type of behavior, pointing peoples flaws and low points, is indicative of bad people and there is no reason to engage with bad people relatives or not. And let that be the end of it, what ever they say.
They are going to give you shit for that and they may go as far as to argue that your relatives are right on telling you those things and that you should "get your shit together", that is where the counter point of "only shitty people do that kind of thing, good people would offer to help" (recommending you for a job, for example) comes into play.
Garbage people do that to establish status, and to mark that they are above you and you are below them on the group. It's shitty apish behavior. Smart shitty people fake "concern" about you and offer fake help without really meaning it while they are humiliating you to make it socially acceptable and to not look like they are complete garbage. If you take them on their offer, they would not lift a finger to actually did what they said and that is how you know they were fake as shit. If they are stupid enough not to bother offering help to conceal their true intentions, use it against them.
I don't even know why I keep coming here, old wizchan was at its peak just before dissapearing and this "new" site has always been way worse than the old wizchan, less fun, less friendly and with many of the same vices and shit from 4chan.
I guess I keep coming because of habit and because even when this place is crap the rest of the internet is so fucking dystopic that I have nowhere else to go.
I guess I keep coming because of habit and because even when this place is crap the rest of the internet is so fucking dystopic that I have nowhere else to go.
>>255349
>They are going to give you shit for that and they may go as far as to argue that your relatives are right on telling you those things and that you should "get your shit together", that is where the counter point of "only shitty people do that kind of thing, good people would offer to help" (recommending you for a job, for example) comes into play.
Garbage people do that to establish status, and to mark that they are above you and you are below them on the group. It's shitty apish behavior. Smart shitty people fake "concern" about you and offer fake help without really meaning it while they are humiliating you to make it socially acceptable and to not look like they are complete garbage. If you take them on their offer, they would not lift a finger to actually did what they said and that is how you know they were fake as shit. If they are stupid enough not to bother offering help to conceal their true intentions, use it against them.
These kind of patterns can be seen with many people we engage and I'm almost certain that it's the case with almost anyone who approaches you if you have no social skills or other issues.
>They are going to give you shit for that and they may go as far as to argue that your relatives are right on telling you those things and that you should "get your shit together", that is where the counter point of "only shitty people do that kind of thing, good people would offer to help" (recommending you for a job, for example) comes into play.
Garbage people do that to establish status, and to mark that they are above you and you are below them on the group. It's shitty apish behavior. Smart shitty people fake "concern" about you and offer fake help without really meaning it while they are humiliating you to make it socially acceptable and to not look like they are complete garbage. If you take them on their offer, they would not lift a finger to actually did what they said and that is how you know they were fake as shit. If they are stupid enough not to bother offering help to conceal their true intentions, use it against them.
These kind of patterns can be seen with many people we engage and I'm almost certain that it's the case with almost anyone who approaches you if you have no social skills or other issues.
>>255347
That's right. You either obey or fight and suffer. If you fight back you can be sure they will do everything in their power to make you out to be the bad guy who turned to violence. I mean, is it a surprise if a cornered rat bites you? Society is fucked up with its hierarchies and all that.
That's right. You either obey or fight and suffer. If you fight back you can be sure they will do everything in their power to make you out to be the bad guy who turned to violence. I mean, is it a surprise if a cornered rat bites you? Society is fucked up with its hierarchies and all that.
what am i even meant to do
theres barely anything worth doing, everything is too abstract and that which is self evident is either not good enough or inaccessible
i need a job if i dont want to be homeless, i should be more proactive instead of spending each day glued to a screen, each day brings me closer to my own custom curated hellscape, a deep dissatisfaction accumulation, cool, its still not enough to compel me to do anything
all i have are my stories and playtime
all is opposed to me
theres barely anything worth doing, everything is too abstract and that which is self evident is either not good enough or inaccessible
i need a job if i dont want to be homeless, i should be more proactive instead of spending each day glued to a screen, each day brings me closer to my own custom curated hellscape, a deep dissatisfaction accumulation, cool, its still not enough to compel me to do anything
all i have are my stories and playtime
all is opposed to me
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So fucking tired of having an arrested developement and being forced to do shit against my will. I work i pay rent, that should be enough for these people
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I'm so incapable of connecting to anyone, whether it be offline or online. In circles of weirdos – I am the outcast.
I haven't had an actual friend since 2017 (when I graduated highschool), and even then I've never had a friend I could vent to. Never had a friend who wasn't keeping me around for pity reasons, or back-talking me.
I'm 23 this year and I finally realize that normies have actual friends – people they can speak to about their emotional issues, their dreams, their hopes and fears. I'm not even able to talk to my parents about these things because they don't believe in mental illness, or they don't get how I can be so tired when "all I do is study." So insane to me that I've lived this way my entire life. So sad that my condition isn't exactly anything unique, or special.
In times like this I think of that anon that mentioned how we were all sad, lonely people in a world full of sad, lonely people, and how we met nobody. It hurts. But what can you do?
I haven't had an actual friend since 2017 (when I graduated highschool), and even then I've never had a friend I could vent to. Never had a friend who wasn't keeping me around for pity reasons, or back-talking me.
I'm 23 this year and I finally realize that normies have actual friends – people they can speak to about their emotional issues, their dreams, their hopes and fears. I'm not even able to talk to my parents about these things because they don't believe in mental illness, or they don't get how I can be so tired when "all I do is study." So insane to me that I've lived this way my entire life. So sad that my condition isn't exactly anything unique, or special.
In times like this I think of that anon that mentioned how we were all sad, lonely people in a world full of sad, lonely people, and how we met nobody. It hurts. But what can you do?
>>255392
Oh, man, and another thing: I can't free myself at all. Every time I try to draw or write something to get a feeling out, I get so frustrated at myself for being terrible at creation that I just give up. I keep telling myself that I don't want to waste anymore time on being bad (I know I need practice!) but I still keep wasting time. "Maybe tomorrow!" I say, and a week shoots by without me having done anything.
I believe the sole things which keep me alive are my parents and pure spite. To a point I understand that killing myself would only prove everyone who ever spit on me right. But I won't let them have the satisfaction of knowing they were correct. I'll graduate from university and get a job and I'll live on just in hopes that I run into one of them living their shitty lives and can sneer at the fact that I'm still here.
Oh, man, and another thing: I can't free myself at all. Every time I try to draw or write something to get a feeling out, I get so frustrated at myself for being terrible at creation that I just give up. I keep telling myself that I don't want to waste anymore time on being bad (I know I need practice!) but I still keep wasting time. "Maybe tomorrow!" I say, and a week shoots by without me having done anything.
I believe the sole things which keep me alive are my parents and pure spite. To a point I understand that killing myself would only prove everyone who ever spit on me right. But I won't let them have the satisfaction of knowing they were correct. I'll graduate from university and get a job and I'll live on just in hopes that I run into one of them living their shitty lives and can sneer at the fact that I'm still here.
I thought exercise would help with my depression. Well, I am muscle man now and I eat right, yet I'm as depressed as I was before but now with a fucked up sleep schedule. Getting fit does not fix sadness, it just makes normies treat you slightly less like dirt if you have social deficits.
>>255395
I think it's just one piece of the puzzle, and cardio probably helps more than weight-lifting. Sleep is the most important thing of all but I can't fix it no matter what i try
I think it's just one piece of the puzzle, and cardio probably helps more than weight-lifting. Sleep is the most important thing of all but I can't fix it no matter what i try
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>>255391
Yeah hes a bipolar piece of shit
Yeah hes a bipolar piece of shit
>>255389
If you have a job, you should leave. Rent a shitbox apartment that is less than $1k a month. Anything is better than living with abusive parents.
Don't fall for the roommate meme. That shit only works for normies. Roommates are a different flavor of what you are experiencing now.
If you have a job, you should leave. Rent a shitbox apartment that is less than $1k a month. Anything is better than living with abusive parents.
Don't fall for the roommate meme. That shit only works for normies. Roommates are a different flavor of what you are experiencing now.
>>255389
If you work and pay rent then why the hell are you living with your parents? You must be a bit dim.
If you work and pay rent then why the hell are you living with your parents? You must be a bit dim.
I'm such a subhuman. While my mom was out of town I used her car to pick up a treadmill from a sporting good store. As I was leaving I backed up into a concrete pillar and damaged a brake light. Then went I got home I broke a vase while dragging the treadmill through the garage, after which I realized it had wheels. Then while moving it inside I dropped it and damaged a wall.
All I wanted to do was buy a small treadmill so the dog could get some exercise, now I have to either fix all this before she gets back or explain how I fucked up not once but three times. I'm probably so clumsy due to both a natural inclination and because I've been a shut-in for so long that I lack experience with the physical world. Why did I have to exist as such a worthless human who can't do anything right? I don't get it.
All I wanted to do was buy a small treadmill so the dog could get some exercise, now I have to either fix all this before she gets back or explain how I fucked up not once but three times. I'm probably so clumsy due to both a natural inclination and because I've been a shut-in for so long that I lack experience with the physical world. Why did I have to exist as such a worthless human who can't do anything right? I don't get it.
>>255405
I have had times like this, I can easily imagine doing the same. It can be a chain reaction. Indeed it does come from lack of experience by being a shut-in, and also from anxiety/stress in my experience. Once one thing goes wrong e.g. from being a nervous driver, then more and more errors follow, from being in the stressed state
I have had times like this, I can easily imagine doing the same. It can be a chain reaction. Indeed it does come from lack of experience by being a shut-in, and also from anxiety/stress in my experience. Once one thing goes wrong e.g. from being a nervous driver, then more and more errors follow, from being in the stressed state
>>255405
I know how you feel but you gotta step back and realize it’s not a big deal. No one is dead or hurt. Yeah it’ll cost some money to repair the light and wall. But even on the scale of a human life those are nothing, they’re dust in the wind. You won’t even remember it a month from now.
I know how you feel but you gotta step back and realize it’s not a big deal. No one is dead or hurt. Yeah it’ll cost some money to repair the light and wall. But even on the scale of a human life those are nothing, they’re dust in the wind. You won’t even remember it a month from now.
>>254675
Yeah feels awful. I had a small circle of internet people to talk about video games and books with, but it's fallen apart. People started getting mad at me + a few have left over the years. It's terrifying realizing I have nothing to show I ever had a connection. I just mindlessly switch between different video games now.
Yeah feels awful. I had a small circle of internet people to talk about video games and books with, but it's fallen apart. People started getting mad at me + a few have left over the years. It's terrifying realizing I have nothing to show I ever had a connection. I just mindlessly switch between different video games now.
>>254679
I get what you are saying but deep in me there are some people I still would like to talk with even knowing they hate or see me as weak, wich it shouldn't but really puts me down because I enjoyed my time with them
I get what you are saying but deep in me there are some people I still would like to talk with even knowing they hate or see me as weak, wich it shouldn't but really puts me down because I enjoyed my time with them
>>255411
It's sad but now you know how shallow internet relationships are. That's why I don't bother with them anymore, why invest so much into someone who can one day ghost you out of nowhere. Not that real life friends are much better. After no longer sharing routine activities e.g. work, school or gym people usually stop seeing each other.
>>255388
I suppose the only thing we can do is survive and make use of the few activities we still enjoy. For me I've been learning to hunt and grow food and reading novels. Internet addiction sucks though, I struggle with it too, just need to realize when it's a waste of time and step away.
It's sad but now you know how shallow internet relationships are. That's why I don't bother with them anymore, why invest so much into someone who can one day ghost you out of nowhere. Not that real life friends are much better. After no longer sharing routine activities e.g. work, school or gym people usually stop seeing each other.
>>255388
I suppose the only thing we can do is survive and make use of the few activities we still enjoy. For me I've been learning to hunt and grow food and reading novels. Internet addiction sucks though, I struggle with it too, just need to realize when it's a waste of time and step away.
I always stay silent whenever my parents ask what's wrong with me. I am stupid to explain it and even if I am not they won't understand it anyway. My dad was lecturing me about graduating from university and getting a job. If my behavior isn't enough to show that I am not right in the head and he still thinks I am some kind of latent normalfag, then I shudder to think what would happen if I tell him that I have no motivation to do anything and just want to NEET or suicide. How am I supposed to explain? "Yeah, basically I just don't have the will to do anything you know? That's why I refresh imageboards 10 hours a day and struggle to do basic chores." or "So there's this thing called mental illnesses see? Like autism or depression. I don't know what I have but I think I have something. How do I know? Uhh, online tests and I don't have any friends and is clumsy. I also don't feel well everyday I wake up.". What would a boomer conservative father with no self awareness think when he hears this? Can't you stay kind to me even when I am a massive loser? I am too sensitive to be hated.
>>255398
why is this happening over text if you are living with him? did you have a fight and leave the house?
why is this happening over text if you are living with him? did you have a fight and leave the house?
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>>255409
same with my parents, it's mindboggling how unaware they can be. Sometimes I get brief motivation to do things, I quickly lose it but I always find it very blinding "I was a fool all this time, I just needed to act" stuff like that, but at this point I have gone back and forth enough I try not to think that way out of spite. Point is people are absolutely horrible at understanding others, even their past self; this is especially the case when it comes to people who are "doing something with their lives" and those who are not.
If I accepted the blindness again it would probably help me improve my life, get a "positive" mindset, but theres too much spite in me to allow that, it would be incredibly humiliating so I don't care.
same with my parents, it's mindboggling how unaware they can be. Sometimes I get brief motivation to do things, I quickly lose it but I always find it very blinding "I was a fool all this time, I just needed to act" stuff like that, but at this point I have gone back and forth enough I try not to think that way out of spite. Point is people are absolutely horrible at understanding others, even their past self; this is especially the case when it comes to people who are "doing something with their lives" and those who are not.
If I accepted the blindness again it would probably help me improve my life, get a "positive" mindset, but theres too much spite in me to allow that, it would be incredibly humiliating so I don't care.
I spend weeks depressed and then one morning I wake up and can suddenly do 8 hours of productive stuff. I have self control, it’s easy to move, I can think clearly and in abstract terms. Emotional regulation is easier and I can apply philosophical and psychological techniques and ideas to my life.
Then I will enter depression for weeks again. I will think about similar things but none of it works. I struggle to move, I can’t focus at all, language stops making sense. Worse - I completely forget what it was like when I was functioning. Trying all these techniques to function - not remembering one day it all just comes back.
This repeats for years. I spend much more time dysfunctional so my life is a mess, so is my health. But that person still arises now and then. There the no linear development where my depressed is becoming that. That functional person has developed and becomes cut off for weeks, there is no development between these states. It hasn’t worked like that after a decade of trying.
This kind of depression is truly the removal of humanity. It seems most people are more linear and experience depression as development, a stage of life. The books are written for those people. I have made this same post many times in the depression crawl threads. It’s always the same when the depression lifts, it highlights how much of a joke the words and language of people around me are. I’m always stuck enough to post the same thing.
Then I will enter depression for weeks again. I will think about similar things but none of it works. I struggle to move, I can’t focus at all, language stops making sense. Worse - I completely forget what it was like when I was functioning. Trying all these techniques to function - not remembering one day it all just comes back.
This repeats for years. I spend much more time dysfunctional so my life is a mess, so is my health. But that person still arises now and then. There the no linear development where my depressed is becoming that. That functional person has developed and becomes cut off for weeks, there is no development between these states. It hasn’t worked like that after a decade of trying.
This kind of depression is truly the removal of humanity. It seems most people are more linear and experience depression as development, a stage of life. The books are written for those people. I have made this same post many times in the depression crawl threads. It’s always the same when the depression lifts, it highlights how much of a joke the words and language of people around me are. I’m always stuck enough to post the same thing.
my dad will ask me why am I like this and why I never associate or talk to my relatives or hang out with friends IRL. It doesn’t go through their head that it’s because I have nothing to talk about with relatives and have no friends IRL. I spent my whole life just being picked on and being made fun of for things out of my control why the hell would he think I would be the type to talk and hang out with others. I choose to stay inside now and keep to myself because it keeps me sane and is what makes me happy. He can’t realize that I find peace and happiness in just doing my own hobbies that require me inside my room alone and some peace and quiet.
>>255295
there is no winning in life. many people who put up a great look on the outside are very unhappy miserable people.
there is no winning in life. many people who put up a great look on the outside are very unhappy miserable people.
>>255307
same man i been so ripped off in life compared to other people. i live a life of total isolation
same man i been so ripped off in life compared to other people. i live a life of total isolation
>>255389
yikes your dad is a piece of shit. you need to fake that you care looks like you fucked that up. my parents are similar but not that cold hearted, i still have to play by the rules to live here.
yikes your dad is a piece of shit. you need to fake that you care looks like you fucked that up. my parents are similar but not that cold hearted, i still have to play by the rules to live here.
>>255402
Shit housing market and fucked economy in my town. Luckily found a small place to live so should be out soon.
Shit housing market and fucked economy in my town. Luckily found a small place to live so should be out soon.
At what point do you just call it quits?
I am 19, almost 20, and I know my life is going nowhere. I don't really give a fuck about that, but I have exhausted every last particle of dopamine I could get from my copes. The last couple weeks I have just been loitering around my room with nothing to do. There isn't really anything possible for me to do that I need or want to go do. At this point I am staying alive just to stay alive
I am 19, almost 20, and I know my life is going nowhere. I don't really give a fuck about that, but I have exhausted every last particle of dopamine I could get from my copes. The last couple weeks I have just been loitering around my room with nothing to do. There isn't really anything possible for me to do that I need or want to go do. At this point I am staying alive just to stay alive
>>255474
>and you can imagine how worse it is.
I can. I know it's only gonna get worse for me. I know there is nothing good in my future. So what would you do, old timer? Would you kill yourself if you were me?
>and you can imagine how worse it is.
I can. I know it's only gonna get worse for me. I know there is nothing good in my future. So what would you do, old timer? Would you kill yourself if you were me?
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>>255473
>>255475
No one can tell you how to live, let alone how to die. You sound young and bored. Anomie hitting today’s youth hard. One reason you don’t want anything is because you don’t have anything to want. Staying in your room all day doing nothing isn’t offering your brain any stimulation, any new material to chew on. I’m not making any argument about whether life is good or bad. All I’m saying is that you are most likely not doomed. I’d go so far as to say you most likely don’t want to kill yourself either. You’re probably feeling incredibly detached, numb, dull mental pain, etc.. I understand, I really do. I don’t know anything about your life other than what you posted, but try doing some things. Go for a short walk everyday. Watch some interesting documentaries, something about real life. Plant your two feet firmly on the ground. Try to figure out what exactly is making you feel bad. Trial and error. Try to figure out what makes you feel even a tiny bit better. Godspeed.
>>255475
No one can tell you how to live, let alone how to die. You sound young and bored. Anomie hitting today’s youth hard. One reason you don’t want anything is because you don’t have anything to want. Staying in your room all day doing nothing isn’t offering your brain any stimulation, any new material to chew on. I’m not making any argument about whether life is good or bad. All I’m saying is that you are most likely not doomed. I’d go so far as to say you most likely don’t want to kill yourself either. You’re probably feeling incredibly detached, numb, dull mental pain, etc.. I understand, I really do. I don’t know anything about your life other than what you posted, but try doing some things. Go for a short walk everyday. Watch some interesting documentaries, something about real life. Plant your two feet firmly on the ground. Try to figure out what exactly is making you feel bad. Trial and error. Try to figure out what makes you feel even a tiny bit better. Godspeed.
everything i've ever done i've failed at and given up. it's gotten to the point that when i am considering learning a new skill or getting into a new hobby, i just don't even bother because i know in a few months i will lose interest and drop it. save myself the time and money
>>255474
> I'm 26
Stopped reading there. I'm 30 and I'm in a living hell. Almost every second is torture for me.
> I'm 26
Stopped reading there. I'm 30 and I'm in a living hell. Almost every second is torture for me.
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I wonder how people manage to live past 35, after your youth ends everything becomes way worse and stays like that until you drop dead, people should be euthanized when they reach full adulthood.
>>255480
Stopped reading there. I’m 31 and trust me, you can’t begin to comprehend the horrors that await you.
Stopped reading there. I’m 31 and trust me, you can’t begin to comprehend the horrors that await you.
>>255423
I think I literally did this when high on psilocybin and cannabis (which I stole the money for from them, for a long time). Don’t recall if this was before or after I went to college (2 1/2 years and dropped out)after doing it to “satisfy” my mom. Told my mom that I really didn’t care about the life they live and explained that the wagie and normal-nigger life has nothing to offer me and I simply couldn’t care less. Told her and explained why I am a fucking loser and that I’m satisfied with living in my own isolated world while fucking myself up with substances. Explained that life is mostly a dead-end for me and people like me. Now I do have the luck that my parents are mostly easygoing and care about my health and happiness and we aren’t struggling with bills.
This was before my “psychosis” though and now I’m in a semi-shit situation where I can’t smoke whenever I want (I smuggle small amounts of cannabis so I can choose to smoke when alone) and “work” on a “farm” for mentally fucked people (mostly older people who seem mostly stable) for a total of 9 hours a week but that’s only for another half year or so before I have to do something else via the help program. I partly co-operate because I don’t really value my time because I just piss it away with procrastination of things I should be doing by watching pointless youtube videos or fiction books and because I figure it will help with getting NEET-bux. I’ll just see what they offer me and if I don’t like it I won’t do it. “Worst” case scenario I don’t get the bux and tell them to fuck off since my parents are willing to take care of me and I know how to play the game of earning good boy points via doing minor shit and asking how my moms day was (despite me knowing the answer will always be a variation of busy). Most parents would have disowned me and kicked me out and I would have burned/murdered them in retaliation so I’m really lucky because I’ve done absolutely horrid shit multiple times. Still have a bit of cash that I’m saving for when I want to buy a psilocybin growing kit again but I refuse to touch that shit until I can atleast meditate every day for 3 months straight or I know for a fact I will agonize the entire trip over not doing that. Still get to smoke on saturday and sundays though. Thank you for reading this retarded pseudo-entry wherein I abused another anons post and thinly veiled it as a response while really talking about myself like some dweeb.
I think I literally did this when high on psilocybin and cannabis (which I stole the money for from them, for a long time). Don’t recall if this was before or after I went to college (2 1/2 years and dropped out)after doing it to “satisfy” my mom. Told my mom that I really didn’t care about the life they live and explained that the wagie and normal-nigger life has nothing to offer me and I simply couldn’t care less. Told her and explained why I am a fucking loser and that I’m satisfied with living in my own isolated world while fucking myself up with substances. Explained that life is mostly a dead-end for me and people like me. Now I do have the luck that my parents are mostly easygoing and care about my health and happiness and we aren’t struggling with bills.
This was before my “psychosis” though and now I’m in a semi-shit situation where I can’t smoke whenever I want (I smuggle small amounts of cannabis so I can choose to smoke when alone) and “work” on a “farm” for mentally fucked people (mostly older people who seem mostly stable) for a total of 9 hours a week but that’s only for another half year or so before I have to do something else via the help program. I partly co-operate because I don’t really value my time because I just piss it away with procrastination of things I should be doing by watching pointless youtube videos or fiction books and because I figure it will help with getting NEET-bux. I’ll just see what they offer me and if I don’t like it I won’t do it. “Worst” case scenario I don’t get the bux and tell them to fuck off since my parents are willing to take care of me and I know how to play the game of earning good boy points via doing minor shit and asking how my moms day was (despite me knowing the answer will always be a variation of busy). Most parents would have disowned me and kicked me out and I would have burned/murdered them in retaliation so I’m really lucky because I’ve done absolutely horrid shit multiple times. Still have a bit of cash that I’m saving for when I want to buy a psilocybin growing kit again but I refuse to touch that shit until I can atleast meditate every day for 3 months straight or I know for a fact I will agonize the entire trip over not doing that. Still get to smoke on saturday and sundays though. Thank you for reading this retarded pseudo-entry wherein I abused another anons post and thinly veiled it as a response while really talking about myself like some dweeb.
>>255483
Life honestly loses it touch when you reach that age, you can't have as much fun anymore, people treat you way shitter than before and you have so many responsibilities apparently. Everyone keeps fucking assuming when you reach 35 you have to have a family and watch the football game drinking beers.
Life honestly loses it touch when you reach that age, you can't have as much fun anymore, people treat you way shitter than before and you have so many responsibilities apparently. Everyone keeps fucking assuming when you reach 35 you have to have a family and watch the football game drinking beers.
going to bed when you have nothing to look forward to is like recharging a battery and throwing it away just after.
also i want to play elden ring so bad…
also i want to play elden ring so bad…
>>255523
>also i want to play elden ring so bad…
The game runs fine on High/Ultra on a Nvidia 980, a card 4 generations old, with an Intel i5. It's been cracked by trusted teams, and the copy protection actually made the game perform worse. Nips are bad at DRM. Being a Souls game, it lacks substantial dialogue and FMVs, so the majority of the filesize comes from the texture files, which being DXT formats, are big "artificially", so when a repacker like FitWordfilter compresses it, it might be 1/10th of its original size.
You will play it soon, wiz. You will.
>also i want to play elden ring so bad…
The game runs fine on High/Ultra on a Nvidia 980, a card 4 generations old, with an Intel i5. It's been cracked by trusted teams, and the copy protection actually made the game perform worse. Nips are bad at DRM. Being a Souls game, it lacks substantial dialogue and FMVs, so the majority of the filesize comes from the texture files, which being DXT formats, are big "artificially", so when a repacker like FitWordfilter compresses it, it might be 1/10th of its original size.
You will play it soon, wiz. You will.
>>255524
I'm on a brand new gaming laptop and it barely holds 30 at 860p with everything set as low as it can be, and half the enemies are invisible because the LOD is broken. It runs like shit.
I'm on a brand new gaming laptop and it barely holds 30 at 860p with everything set as low as it can be, and half the enemies are invisible because the LOD is broken. It runs like shit.
>>255524
wow you know a lot wiz
i'm a console player btw (lol)
so my only options are i either spend my precious bucks on this game in the hope i don't regret it or i wait 1-2 years to buy it second-handed.
wow you know a lot wiz
i'm a console player btw (lol)
so my only options are i either spend my precious bucks on this game in the hope i don't regret it or i wait 1-2 years to buy it second-handed.
>>255497
I'm 35 and this isn't true at all. If anything life has gotten exponentially better as I aged. The only thing that sucks is declining health, and I kinda did that to myself with all the alcohol abuse.
I'm 35 and this isn't true at all. If anything life has gotten exponentially better as I aged. The only thing that sucks is declining health, and I kinda did that to myself with all the alcohol abuse.
>>255423
"I suffer from severe depression" should be explanation enough. You are not stupid, just badly depressed and that saps you out of your will to even try to reach out.
"I suffer from severe depression" should be explanation enough. You are not stupid, just badly depressed and that saps you out of your will to even try to reach out.
>>255528
apprentice here
at what age did it actually get better for you and what kind of character were you before?
it's always a nice surprise to have grains of hopium on depression crawls.
apprentice here
at what age did it actually get better for you and what kind of character were you before?
it's always a nice surprise to have grains of hopium on depression crawls.
>>255530
It wasn't age but mostly me graduating college and getting a good job that allowed me to move out of my parent's house. This was at 30.
I was depressed fuck on the verge of suicide prior to that, though.
It wasn't age but mostly me graduating college and getting a good job that allowed me to move out of my parent's house. This was at 30.
I was depressed fuck on the verge of suicide prior to that, though.
>>255531
>depressed fuck on the verge of suicide
>graduating college and getting a good job that allowed me to move out of my parent's house
k
>depressed fuck on the verge of suicide
>graduating college and getting a good job that allowed me to move out of my parent's house
k
jesus christ im just im unbearable pain all day. im not even necessarily depressed, atleast not by my definition. for me, when im depressed, i cant get out of bed, and spend the entire day in bed. i can move about my room fine, im just in deep emotional and physical pain. like, the pain is emanating from my chest, and it lasts the entire day, especially when i get out of bed. i stay in bed for 1 hour atleast, i never want to leave it
my fucking nerves are weak, i dont have the same passions i used to for anything. its so tragic that videogames dont appeal to me much, but i try to play some stupid golf games or card games when i can. im honestly just in pain the entire day. i want to die, but i have reasons to stay alive, and my copes are weakening in strength as i get older
my fucking nerves are weak, i dont have the same passions i used to for anything. its so tragic that videogames dont appeal to me much, but i try to play some stupid golf games or card games when i can. im honestly just in pain the entire day. i want to die, but i have reasons to stay alive, and my copes are weakening in strength as i get older
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>>255539
Have you got LAWNS covered?
Light (from the sun)
Air (fresh)
Water (hydration)
Nutrients (reasonably healthy/wholesome foods)
Sleep (reasonably good sleep schedule)
I understand the feeling, brother. Keep fighting the good fight. It may be simpler than you think to turn things around for the better.
Have you got LAWNS covered?
Light (from the sun)
Air (fresh)
Water (hydration)
Nutrients (reasonably healthy/wholesome foods)
Sleep (reasonably good sleep schedule)
I understand the feeling, brother. Keep fighting the good fight. It may be simpler than you think to turn things around for the better.
>>255540
its probably just a lack of exercise. in the last 2 months, ive barely walked outside. usually i take regular nightwalks, but sometimes outside its like -19c. for me, this weather just conditioned me to refuse to go out unless its over freezing. winter is almost over, and despite its aesthetic appeal, im glad its over. i never get sunlight, but i take vitamin d, and any other vitamins i need. i have the cleanest diet, and i sleep until i cant anymore. sleep is sweet non-existence, it has to be a real emergency or something REALLY important for me to forsake sleep for it. ive removed my own stitches just so i dont lose a drop of sleep going to the doctor, because im awake at night. ive even been meditating on and off for the last couple of months, 40 mins
might as well try to reduce your suffering as best as you can, while you are still alive, yeah?
>to turn things around for the better
i dont understand what you mean by this, but okay
its probably just a lack of exercise. in the last 2 months, ive barely walked outside. usually i take regular nightwalks, but sometimes outside its like -19c. for me, this weather just conditioned me to refuse to go out unless its over freezing. winter is almost over, and despite its aesthetic appeal, im glad its over. i never get sunlight, but i take vitamin d, and any other vitamins i need. i have the cleanest diet, and i sleep until i cant anymore. sleep is sweet non-existence, it has to be a real emergency or something REALLY important for me to forsake sleep for it. ive removed my own stitches just so i dont lose a drop of sleep going to the doctor, because im awake at night. ive even been meditating on and off for the last couple of months, 40 mins
might as well try to reduce your suffering as best as you can, while you are still alive, yeah?
>to turn things around for the better
i dont understand what you mean by this, but okay
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>>255544
Hm yeah, it would probably be good to add movement in there, though MLAWNS doesn’t have the same ring to it.
>might as well try to reduce your suffering as best as you can, while you are still alive, yeah?
For sure, wiz.
>i dont understand what you mean by this, but okay
I mean that perhaps your suffering could decrease greatly with a few small adjustments.
I don’t intend to tell you what to do, or shill anything to you. I’m just as clueless as anybody else. That being said, here are a few tips regarding things that stuck out to me about your post:
- Moving your body is important to your well-being. Even if it’s just walking outside for 15 minutes a day.
- Winter does suck, yeah. I haven’t found good solutions to this either.
- Vitamin D supplements are vastly inferior to actual sunlight. I don’t have a source on this other than my experiences, though such studies likely exist.
- Clean diet is good, but don’t forget to enjoy food too. No point in min-maxing your nutrition unless you’re trying to compete or live longer or something. Food is one of life’s greatest pleasures; enjoy it in moderation.
- There is such a thing as too much sleep. I notice that I feel like utter dogshit if I sleep more than around 8 hours a night. This amount varies per person. Can’t go wrong with something like 23-7 though. Since you’re used to being awake at night, perhaps start with sleeping from 2-10, then 0-8.
Sorry if this post comes across as preachy. You’re free to take it or leave it. I’ve been dealing with similar issues and I can only speak from my experiences and what has worked for me. Good luck, wiz.
Hm yeah, it would probably be good to add movement in there, though MLAWNS doesn’t have the same ring to it.
>might as well try to reduce your suffering as best as you can, while you are still alive, yeah?
For sure, wiz.
>i dont understand what you mean by this, but okay
I mean that perhaps your suffering could decrease greatly with a few small adjustments.
I don’t intend to tell you what to do, or shill anything to you. I’m just as clueless as anybody else. That being said, here are a few tips regarding things that stuck out to me about your post:
- Moving your body is important to your well-being. Even if it’s just walking outside for 15 minutes a day.
- Winter does suck, yeah. I haven’t found good solutions to this either.
- Vitamin D supplements are vastly inferior to actual sunlight. I don’t have a source on this other than my experiences, though such studies likely exist.
- Clean diet is good, but don’t forget to enjoy food too. No point in min-maxing your nutrition unless you’re trying to compete or live longer or something. Food is one of life’s greatest pleasures; enjoy it in moderation.
- There is such a thing as too much sleep. I notice that I feel like utter dogshit if I sleep more than around 8 hours a night. This amount varies per person. Can’t go wrong with something like 23-7 though. Since you’re used to being awake at night, perhaps start with sleeping from 2-10, then 0-8.
Sorry if this post comes across as preachy. You’re free to take it or leave it. I’ve been dealing with similar issues and I can only speak from my experiences and what has worked for me. Good luck, wiz.
I wish I had a passion. ANYTHING. I would kill to love something. to want to do nothing. it kills my soul
>>255545
I wish I could sleep too much tbh. I also wish I did not dream so much, it doesn't feel like I am getting enough deep sleep.
I wish I could sleep too much tbh. I also wish I did not dream so much, it doesn't feel like I am getting enough deep sleep.
I'm kinda waiting for My parents to die.
I don't even hate them but I want no rules ,the neetux pension and house for Myself
I don't even hate them but I want no rules ,the neetux pension and house for Myself
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>>255526
>I'm on a brand new gaming laptop
Have you manually told Windows and Nvidia / ATI to not run the game in a power-saving state? All gaming laptops default to this.
>I'm on a brand new gaming laptop
Have you manually told Windows and Nvidia / ATI to not run the game in a power-saving state? All gaming laptops default to this.
>>255549
Holy shit it worked, I feel stupid but at least I can play the game now. The invisible enemies are fixed too.
Holy shit it worked, I feel stupid but at least I can play the game now. The invisible enemies are fixed too.
>>255567
Yeah a lot of people don't realize that their laptop is running in trial mode. Windows isn't upfront about what setting it's using. If you have something like an ASUS that uses a proprietary performance manager like Armoury Crate then there should be settings in there to boost performance too. Sometimes it'll even reset to battery saver if you unplug for even a second and then not go back, so just make sure to check that the settings haven't reverted every now and then.
Yeah a lot of people don't realize that their laptop is running in trial mode. Windows isn't upfront about what setting it's using. If you have something like an ASUS that uses a proprietary performance manager like Armoury Crate then there should be settings in there to boost performance too. Sometimes it'll even reset to battery saver if you unplug for even a second and then not go back, so just make sure to check that the settings haven't reverted every now and then.
>>255531
There's a better chance of me landing on the moon and shitting out a gold brick than there is of me finishing college.
There's a better chance of me landing on the moon and shitting out a gold brick than there is of me finishing college.
I have something I want to learn.. a passion or hobby you could say but I am too lazy to change my schedule and rather spend time playing this stupid mmorpg called lost ark. I don’t even enjoy it, it’s just that it requires next to no effort. I want to start learning this hobby but I fear that it will be too complex and just don’t start like everything i tried.
>>255537
People change. Lives change. Why are you insulting him?
There are tons of people who were on the verge of suicide at 25 and have completely turned their life around at the ~30 year mark.
When you have nothing to lose and the years roll by, you can find surprising amounts of motivation.
People change. Lives change. Why are you insulting him?
There are tons of people who were on the verge of suicide at 25 and have completely turned their life around at the ~30 year mark.
When you have nothing to lose and the years roll by, you can find surprising amounts of motivation.
>>255398
I'm guessing your dad is an American baby boomer? They're the only ones who consider their house more important than their children, absurd people
I'm guessing your dad is an American baby boomer? They're the only ones who consider their house more important than their children, absurd people
it's still unclear to me whether my emotions were really ever the problem. sure, feeling bad sucks, but am i really this way just because i happen to feel inferior and ashamed and anxious around people? or is it that this is just a natural consequence of refusing to participate in normal social life for most of my post-puberty life. i could have sworn that all the negative emotion was there first and i simply had no choice, but then, maybe the negative emotion was just an excuse in the end, to avoid the trouble of interacting with others or defending myself and becoming strong in a threating world or just maintaining a social persona…
for instance, i could walk down the street and if someone laughed at me for looking like an unkempt retard, my first instinct would be to isolate myself and feel bad about it for days. another person would reach for the razor and shave, get some good fitting clothes, work on looking good so that it never happens again. what is wrong with me that i lack this instinct? i suffer because of my choices but i don't understand why i make them at all. i thought i had an emotional problem and that if i didn't feel bad that i would finally do the right actions, but it turns out it was the other way around this whole time…
for instance, i could walk down the street and if someone laughed at me for looking like an unkempt retard, my first instinct would be to isolate myself and feel bad about it for days. another person would reach for the razor and shave, get some good fitting clothes, work on looking good so that it never happens again. what is wrong with me that i lack this instinct? i suffer because of my choices but i don't understand why i make them at all. i thought i had an emotional problem and that if i didn't feel bad that i would finally do the right actions, but it turns out it was the other way around this whole time…
>>255584
i can relate, if it makes you feel any better, i do actually spend an obsessive amount of time trying to look good (at least to myself) due to years of self imposed or otherwise alienation because i thought i was an ugly retard, and im not getting anywhere. its shifted into this maladaptive compulsive behaviour / line of thinking thats stopping me from making any improvements to my life because im obsessed with my appearance being not quite right. for example im fixated on styling my hair correctly, obvious solution would be to shave my head, but then i would definitely look ugly, i could not care, but to operate in the normalfag world without an ego is worse than sitting here being miserable as a neet, so i cant win.
i can relate, if it makes you feel any better, i do actually spend an obsessive amount of time trying to look good (at least to myself) due to years of self imposed or otherwise alienation because i thought i was an ugly retard, and im not getting anywhere. its shifted into this maladaptive compulsive behaviour / line of thinking thats stopping me from making any improvements to my life because im obsessed with my appearance being not quite right. for example im fixated on styling my hair correctly, obvious solution would be to shave my head, but then i would definitely look ugly, i could not care, but to operate in the normalfag world without an ego is worse than sitting here being miserable as a neet, so i cant win.
>>255569
i'm stopped at associates because i'm almost there and my parents paid. i guess it puts me above the high school grads.
i'm stopped at associates because i'm almost there and my parents paid. i guess it puts me above the high school grads.
I feel completely empty inside, no emotions at all. But if I do have any I struggle to identify what it is, I am really disconected from this world
All my schoolyears i hated going to school. When i was working i wanted to be a neet. now i am a neet and i feel like shit. It makes me to wonder what causes my suffering. Now i think world was just never meant for me. I dont enjoy anything that normalfags enjoy. Social interaction only makes me feel like ending the conversation and going to home but also when im home i think about socializing its like a never ending circle. Im getting so tired of everything.
>>255602
reverse engineering/console modding/rom-hacking.. Like hacking SNES roms or making custom software for the Wii.
reverse engineering/console modding/rom-hacking.. Like hacking SNES roms or making custom software for the Wii.
I have no interest in the reality of humanity whatsoever anymore. My own species means nothing to me and I'm completely emotionless and numb. I survive just fine but purely pragmatically out of necessity and self-preservation like any sane animal. I go to bed early and wake up early for work in a dull miserable repetitive cycle every day. I keep having this same dream where I'm standing having just finished watching the last few humans on the planet die. It starts raining and I watch their dead bodies start to sink into deep mud until they're completely consumed. Then the rain starts to fill over the ground and the water builds up depth until I'm standing on the surface of a vast ocean and I start walking around in some kind of elegant robe barefoot looking down. Watching below the water at what few traces of human civilization and the species are beneath the water before it all fades out of sight deep below into black. Then I wake up and do it all over again. Sigh
https://youtu.be/NCCivVL6W2Q
https://youtu.be/NCCivVL6W2Q
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Why am I incapable of a real human connection? Everything feels so forced whenever I have to interact with anyone and I am so avoidant of ever exposing myself in any meaningful way - too scared to seem like I want to be close to someone.
Something went fucky wucky in my programming or DNA because most people seem immune to the problems I have, it's just so natural to them. I want to pretend that I don't care and I constantly push myself away, but I secretly obsess over what people think about me, I obsess over whether I might expose myself in the future and I try to steer my life in a way which leaves as safe as possible from other people (completely unfulfilling and childish).
This is a painful existence.
Something went fucky wucky in my programming or DNA because most people seem immune to the problems I have, it's just so natural to them. I want to pretend that I don't care and I constantly push myself away, but I secretly obsess over what people think about me, I obsess over whether I might expose myself in the future and I try to steer my life in a way which leaves as safe as possible from other people (completely unfulfilling and childish).
This is a painful existence.
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i have no friends. not even online friends. this nightmare never ends
>>255637
Same but don't worry we all die some day and then you are gone permanently. The nightmare does surely end, so try to relax a little, breathe deeply and let it be. The time passes regardless of what we do with it relentlessly. I find remembering this to be liberating and centering.
Same but don't worry we all die some day and then you are gone permanently. The nightmare does surely end, so try to relax a little, breathe deeply and let it be. The time passes regardless of what we do with it relentlessly. I find remembering this to be liberating and centering.
Where do you find wizards and crabs IRL to make friends with? I keep seeing posts by people here saying they have wizard friends IRL. But everybody who is ugly as sin that I try to talk to ends up being a turbo normie and I hate them. Are the posters who claim to have wizard friends just turbo normies too? There is this one ricecel looking guy who lives near me who always wears anime t shirts, do you think he is actually a normie?
Religion, nihilism, esotericism, simplicism, annihilationism, reincarnation, salvation, damnation, materialism, idealism, logic, skepticism, science, experience, hearsay, conspiracy, authority, altruism, egoism, misanthropy, anti-anthropy, obsession, letting go. I don't know what's true and what's not anymore. I don't know what to believe. I don't know what to do. There is no way to know anything for sure. We are all grasping in the dark.
>>255637
Relinquish. It is the only way to destroy that parasitic desire that sucks your soul without ever giving you any tool to satisfy it. Relinquish actively.
>it is what i did
Relinquish. It is the only way to destroy that parasitic desire that sucks your soul without ever giving you any tool to satisfy it. Relinquish actively.
>it is what i did
I go through the pattern of doing drugs, feeling good for a small time, desperately trying to get that feeling back, getting sick from doing too much, then going through withdrawal.
literally crying and sobbing while listening to joy division locked in my dark room at 9 in the morning
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>>255734
you're adapting to your environment
you're adapting to your environment
>>255669
>I don't know what to do.
Stop getting worked up about abstract things and live your life. I don't mean the normalfag go out and b yourself stuff, just spend your time doing things you like instead of wasting your time on philosophy, religions and politics. These are all just stupid memes, don't bother with them. Play video games or read an exciting book or do whatever you enjoy.
>>255637
>>255647
Do you have a facebook account? I'm serious. I never had one until September and then I just made one and started talkig with people who live in the same little town as I do. I never meet with them irl but you can get people to write to you daily if you are lucky.
>I don't know what to do.
Stop getting worked up about abstract things and live your life. I don't mean the normalfag go out and b yourself stuff, just spend your time doing things you like instead of wasting your time on philosophy, religions and politics. These are all just stupid memes, don't bother with them. Play video games or read an exciting book or do whatever you enjoy.
>>255637
>>255647
Do you have a facebook account? I'm serious. I never had one until September and then I just made one and started talkig with people who live in the same little town as I do. I never meet with them irl but you can get people to write to you daily if you are lucky.
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i'm in an intense depressive and suicidal mood right now while listening to nirvana covers of do-re-mi wich was written by cobain a few months before he committed sudoku.
maybe not the best kind of songs to listen to at the moment lol
hope i'll make it through wizlads
maybe not the best kind of songs to listen to at the moment lol
hope i'll make it through wizlads
>>254161
I ruined my entire family by being too kind to my mom after my dad died. She was so sad that I just decided to comfort her, like the son she raised me to be. Once she saw that she didn't need to work for my love, she emotionally cut me off and became emotionally abusive towards me to cope with stress. My young sister began to do the same and nobody was allowed to say anything to her, not even my mom, so I had 2 people against me. The family is completely fractured now. My mom makes some token gestures towards me, but that's only because I'm away at uni. Whenever I come back, she's nice for a bit because of the novelty of having me around before going back to her regular self. I just spoiled her too much and now she doesn't really remember what a mother's supposed to be like.
>>254178
I'm 23 and this still rings true for me.
I ruined my entire family by being too kind to my mom after my dad died. She was so sad that I just decided to comfort her, like the son she raised me to be. Once she saw that she didn't need to work for my love, she emotionally cut me off and became emotionally abusive towards me to cope with stress. My young sister began to do the same and nobody was allowed to say anything to her, not even my mom, so I had 2 people against me. The family is completely fractured now. My mom makes some token gestures towards me, but that's only because I'm away at uni. Whenever I come back, she's nice for a bit because of the novelty of having me around before going back to her regular self. I just spoiled her too much and now she doesn't really remember what a mother's supposed to be like.
>>254178
I'm 23 and this still rings true for me.
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How many of the people going to volunteer for the Ukrainian military ( https://www.cbc.ca/news/world/canada-volunteers-ukraine-1.6369840 ) are going there because they want to do an essentially very complicated suicide by cop?
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im out.
>>255793
Interesting, sounds like a cool idea. Unfortunately in that article it does state that a 39 year old Japanese office worker was turned away from volunteering due to lack of experience. As it turns out you gotta have a filled out resume to even try suicide by war.
Interesting, sounds like a cool idea. Unfortunately in that article it does state that a 39 year old Japanese office worker was turned away from volunteering due to lack of experience. As it turns out you gotta have a filled out resume to even try suicide by war.
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