I'm always thinking about life. What is life? Why are we here? Where did we come from? Where will we go after we die? I can't get these thoughts out of my mind…
I keep thinking of suicide but I'm scared, really, call me a fucking pussy but it scares me if there's hell or some other torturous place or if we reincarnate. I don't want any of that shit, I just want to fall in a coma forever. I'm also contemplating on how to do it since if people saw me buy a noose it'd be a little suspicious wouldn't it.
>>267692 There is literal nothing in this life. Only thing you can do is do whatever the fuck you want. Wanna believe in god? go ahead. Wanna be up your ass on philosophers? go ahead. Nothing in this life will ever matter, in a million of years so much will be lost and changed that me telling you this is also pointless. Just live your life please.
>>267710 >That's precisely the reason Life is worthless
It's the other way around. Life is worthless. Because there's nothing of inherent value (or in other words, "value" is a human construct), the only thing left to do is to do whatever the fuck you want to do as an individual.
So after almost 6 years of avoiding each other while living in one small flat I had an intense fight with my old retard father who was insulting and humiliating me all my life. Mother stood between us, otherwise I would maim him for sure. Yet he still was shouting his typical vomit inducing insults, didn't change one bit from 10-20-30 years ago. I also insulted him in worst possible ways, hurting his ego a lot. Said some really great stuff, extremely humiliating for his worthless ego. Relieved myself a bit. It would take thousands of symbols to describe the levels of fuckery in my family so I'll stop here. Anyone had similar "fun hours" lately or in the past?
>>267712 >Anyone had similar "fun hours" lately or in the past? Arguing with parents is a bad idea when you live on their place and they can legally kick you out. Last time I had "fun hours" with my fathers, he got cornered and used the "eviction and call police" card on me, not fun and not worth it.
>>267713 Not in my case. Yes, he threatened me, but he's a coward on the inside and will never do anything. He can only scream on succubi and children, throw objects at them and leech them. Also mother beats him regularly because she endured his shit all life too. My family is beyond circus-tier.
>>267716 >Meaningless garbage existentialists throw around. Just do what you want bro! Like just pick an arbitrary thing. How fucking stupid.
No, you know what's stupid meaningless garbage? Losing your time trying to define value and giving artificial value to things. Nothing has value, just do whatever you want to do, or do nothing at all. It's your existence, you don't need external validation to exist. >Like just pick an arbitrary thing Exactly. Pick what you enjoy. If you don't enjoy anything then don't do anything. It is not complicated.
Watching other people flourish trying all the self help stuff you've tried, is so disheartening. I'be been meditating since I was 18 downloading torrents off piratebay, and now an acquaintance has started meditating from an app and their life has turned around in a few months. I've had very limited benefit from anything I've tried and continue to endlessly try, while I see others benefit immensely and become much more content. There's nothing else to do but keep grinding all this stuff, but you feel so alone and broken. These are the people who will tell you they overcame depression, they dragged themselves up, and they have had all these life struggles - how can one relate to them?
I'm not angry at them it just shows the different experiences we have, and how some of our natures really are only fit for suicide.
>>267710 >>267711 Life is great exactly because you can do whatever you want. It is fantastic because there is no greater, objective value we must surrender to. Nihilism isn't cause for being depressed and pessimistic but rather it is cause for being happy and optimistic.
On the contrary, having objective reason for existence would be a cause for sadness and despair. If God proved his existence and said you had to do X or you would go to hell then most people would whine about that instead of nihilism. Having objective values and a set way to live would be worse and bleaker than any kind of nihilism.
>>267727 >>267748 So what do you suggest instead of existentialism? Be careful what you answer, you'd better not come with some version of the lie/delusion "God told me this and that".
Anti-nihilists are so superficial. They are afraid of themselves. They can't do whatever they want because ohh to what would this lead? We better come up with another version of religion or complex metaphysical system out of our asses that justifies why we can't do what we want! Why would anyone want to live for himself? What a madman! Everyone needs higher reasons and values to justify everything. We NEED God, objective values and morals. Otherwise, ohh. The end of the world.
>>267794 He or most religious people can't help themselves. I asked my religious nutjob parents who or what would they do or be if god isn't real? My mother says she will be dammed and my dad just wouldn't accept it. It's depressing honestly, man is terrified of true freewill because of how dangerous and overwhelming it could be.
>>267796 Every person in my life that I’ve seen become religious did so as basically a form of psychotic break after doing some unforgivable/unfixable shit. It’s the exact same neurology as a straight dude with zero signs suddenly trooning out in his 40s. Broken people. It would have been more merciful if they’d died.
>>267794 It's because I enjoy things that I can't accept the possibity of all things being transient and temporary. What I enjoy, what I think is important, I want them all to be immortalized, to become the fabric of reality and true. You can keep making sand castles just to have them erased with each new wave if you want, but I refuse to bother at all if that is fate.
>>267797 Eh at this point, I don't really blame em or my parents. I just let them believe whatever they want to believe aslong as they're happy and can keep a roof under my head. It doesn't matter anyways, religion, philosophy it's all bullshit. We are all on our own now.
Had the realization today upon another failed creative project that I've never actually succeeded at anything I tried to be good at. I was a terrible athlete, I dropped out of school, I never had a career or even decent job, I never got high rank in video games I grinded for thousands of hours, and I never succeeded in making anything good creatively. It's a hard realization that some people just aren't going to succeed at anything in life and I am one of those people. I'm basically a retarded person who is kept alive by society like a pet.
>>267796 >>267797 >>267802 Religion offers easy answers and no thinking is required at all in the process. Meanwhile, there is enough room left in the "unclear section". Like everyone basically just projects their own version of justice anyway (so much for objective morals! laughing out loud) unto God. Everyone thinks God if he exists is their personal buddy. Never mind that the guy they dislike down the street probably thinks the same too. I heard vastly different interpretations about God, life and morals from various priests belonging to the same Church (my family is catholic).
Religion is a slimy thing. It gives you concrete answers (which are lies but whatever) but it also allows you to make up your own head-canon to a degree. This is why some people see in religion something that is left-wing (it's about helping those in need!) and others see it as right-wing naturally (it's about respecting authority, laws and order!). It's one big Rorschach test, you can interpret it any way you want while you still get "official truth and answers" from authority figures.
Religion is for the masses or rabble who can't get into philosophy. And no, I'm not talking about reading philosophy but just simply thinking. Same goes for party politics. >It doesn't matter anyways, religion, philosophy it's all bullshit. We are all on our own now. That's also a kind of philosophy in itself. You can't escape philosophy, as long as you think you philosophize.
>>267799 And if you were immortal then you'd complain about how boring life is after 500 years. What you enjoy and think is important is only important as long as you exist and can derive enjoyment from it. It doesn't matter what will happen after you are gone.
The world is your representation only, as said the (in)famous german pessimist guy. If you are gone the world is gone too.
>>267799 > I want them all to be immortalized, to become the fabric of reality and true That's plain dumb because of two things:
1. Whether people will remember you or not as a "great man", it doesn't matter, you are dead. Is being remembered good? I don't think so. We all come from nothing, we should aspire to be nothing. Our death should be as much irrelevant as possible. If you're still remembered in centuries, you betrayed your aspiration to be "nothing".
2. If being remembered and leaving a "legacy" is your main purpose in life, then you're morally corrupt. Your pursuit is born out of ego and materialism. A vulgar pursuit.
I see no wrong in existentialism. It is simple and it is as it is. Call it dumb, I don't care, it works for me and I don't care about who is "correct".
>>267811 I feel you buddy, I believe that normalfags have some kinda drive they gain from shit like this. Like if a succubus rejects them they go "well I didn't succeed, but just look back at all the great things I've accomplished on my own! I'm sure to make it next time". I have no sort of drive like that, I'm literally useless at every skill I try to learn, wether it be a creative hobby or something athletic or just a shitty daily task. I never saw posts like yours online, I'm genuinely just skilless and never gonna make it anywhere.
>>267811 > some people just aren't going to succeed at anything in life
That is 90% of people in this planet, but stop and think for a moment: if you had been high rank in video games or finished school, would it had made any difference? At the end, it only matter if you had a good time playing those games.
Didn't sleep at all last night. I'm pretty sure it's something physiological but doctors keep telling me it's in my head. Every time it happens my gums get inflamed and I start sweating uncontrollably. How is that all in my head?
It feels like someone as lonely as myself is at least owed some kind of special skill or intelligence. What life has taken away from me it has not made up for.
Even if you think "if things were different in this certain way", "if only I had X", it only lasts a short period before the Hedonic treadmill effect sets in. I think it isn't perfectly like a treadmill where no improvement is possible, but it is so incredibly hard to move forward. At least, with mental divergence this is what i experience. I can't sufficiently fix my own mind to do what normal people can. Everything i try to do takes 100x the effort that it would take for a normal person with a normal life. All of society is built for a different type of person.
LIFE IS SO BORING LIFE IS NOTHING BUT PAIN AND BOREDOM I HATE LIVING I HATE EXISTING I HATE BREATHING I HATE HAVING A BODY I HATE THINKING I HATE DOING THINGS
man, what's the point in making children if you're like not super super rich. i'm thinking about neets that had the chance to be born in rich families and how they'll never know the suffering of worrying about the future.. that's the ultimate cozy lifestile. never having to worry about being a social outcast, finding a job etc.. that's the life man.. the only reason you'd search for a job would be for the experience and for the fun of it, knowing damn well you can quit anytime soon since you're self sustainable.
i'm not an advocate for human extinction, i know 99% of the world's population aren't rich but still i can't understand why you'd bring people on this earth if it's for them ending as wagies aka "enduring life until you die"..
im growing,each day,more and more suspicious of people,goverment,even technology and food. im on the brink of paranoia manic episode. i feel everything is out to sap my energy,life,cells and metabolism.
>>267881 I know that feel, I play Stellaris, Victoria 2, Europa Universalis 4, Rimworld, Crusader Kings 2 obsessively everyday, and it's been like this for a full decade now. I fucking hate them all yet I always end up redownloading them and wasting the entire day on them, I must have uninstalled each one of those games over 50 times now yet I can't stop myself.
How can I be so gentle, sentimental, meek and wild, destructive, cruel too? In some aspects I possess more loyalty, honor and tolerance than most people yet in still other things or circumstances others would think I'm a demon of some kind.
Being a human is so confusing. I'm confused by myself, how rationality and irrationality, egoism and selflessness mixes together in myself and my actions. The older I get the less and less I understand myself. Yet I can't go full DID either, I feel like all those parts me are me definitely and not separate characters. I'm a fragment but a whole in its solitude.
Does a self even exist? Do I have individuality? I feel like I'm different from others so obviously I'm an individual, I have a self. But still, that self can take on various characters easily.
>>267951 it just seems like that, I assure you. there are people better off than us for sure but everyone gets a good fucking spanking from life once in a while and normalfags have more to lose than us
>>267951 2 replies already I disagree with so I will add, most people are happier than you. Most people are content living life and can take it one day at a time fine. If you’re sitting there crying that you haven’t got some material thing or social status, you need to change yourself. If you’re sitting staring at people asking how do these people move normally, how do they do things, how do they work, how do they do basic life things - and you suffer struggling with basic shit - they are happier and that stuff is simpler for them.
>>267990 A lot of people are miserable and keep it suppressed for their family, you just don't see it. The thing about normalfag men is that they lose everything if they have a meltdown about their depression, they lose out on promotions at work, their wife leaves them and they can't see their kids. And then in that situation they just spiral further down until they're that angry depressed alcoholic always yelling at everyone.
A guy I work with had bad health problems and a wife and kids, he seemed to handle it stoically and super well. But the one time he got drunk with me on the way back to the office he just had a wizardchan tier meltdown and a vent about it all.
>>267998 A normalfag acquaintance of mine actually recently killed himself and you summed it up pretty good. I don’t like to pry about people lives so I was shocked to learn he had a wife who’d left him, and I guess that’s what finally tipped him. I didn’t like him personally but I still wish he hadn’t done it. Not for a succubus.
>>267998 A lot, but I’ve met drug addicted homeless who are happier just hanging out with their homeless friends than suicidal depressed retards. Same with alcoholics, people who complain about their lives. Now anyone can be a depressed fuck - it’s not just nerdy introverted losers. But the majority of people are fine and functional.
I don’t know why everyone tries to sell the world as depressed masses crying behind every public moment. I don’t believe it, I’ve met lots of people who moan about everything but are happy enough. There are depressed retards in this world and they got a bad roll of the dice.
Everything around me is breaking and I am too unmotivated to do something about it. I feel like I am moving towards being one of those people with ridiculously messy rooms and abysmal living condition. Everything in this world is constantly decaying. People's life is just a fight against this wave of decay. It takes a lot of energy to break even and keep this decay at bay. Energetic, motivated people can even push back this incoming decay and improve the environment around them. I don't even have enough energy to slow it down. I can feel it taking over my life.
Essentially most people don't mind living. It's only projection on the part of pessimists to assume that everyone hates existence. No. Obviously everyone suffers to different degrees but most people experience pleasures in their lives that compensate for these. So most people wouldn't consider their existence as something negative overall. This doesn't have to do with material conditions, as one can see many happy people among poor people or even people who are worse off in terms of health.
Unhappy/bitter people aren't created by their horrible environment and events that happened to them. They are created by unfulfilled desires. You can be Bill Gates or Elon Musk rich and still you would be depressed if you only thought about how come you aren't god but only a human. Following this logic, even a poor kid in Africa can be happy if he doesn't have unrealistic wishes and demands, if he is grateful for being alive and to have enough food not to starve and doesn't want to be king of the world then he will live a satisfied life.
Materialism is a meme. You don't achieve happiness thanks to external things but if you find peace in yourself.
>>268027 Also I like this bit: >People's life is just a fight against this wave of decay.
I've come to see existence as an interaction of entropy (decay) and anentropy (its opposite). Anentropy is generally a pretty cool concept. Every moment you're alive, you are using the raw powers of the universe to sustain your existence. Even if you hate it all and blow up fuel stations, I think you're badass for embodying anentropy regardless.
>>268037 Hey if you want to get worked up worrying about this world that is mostly outside of your control then go ahead. Make sure to give us the benefits you received from this attitude later! I don't there will be any though except for making yourself depressed and not being able to enjoy even what you could have enjoyed otherwise.
>>267309 I checked the game again (I deleted my character but not my forum account) to see if somebody missed me and nobody did. No private message or anything. It's a nice reminder that online friends are not real friends.
>>267681 Wizards, I am at the edge. Russians destroyed the electricity in my country, I have it for like 4 hours a day at best. Rest of the time I sit it my dark room in the dim light of candles, pondering whether I should off myself by jumping or roping. Computer related activities at least provide certain degree of coping, while losing it all is just too much. If things won't get stabilized soon, I might follow up with heroing myself, there is no hope.
>>268050 The only alternatives are battery-powered devices (maybe there's an old laptop around) or a generator (likely unavailable at this point), but the biggest problem with an unreliable power supply is not being able to use a refrigerator for sure
>>268050 Do you have any wilderness nearby? I should recommend sitting under a tree of your choice and getting high from the oxygen. Wishing you good luck
anyone here has had a kundalini awakening? is it true that it drastically changes your life? i'm beginning a spiritual journey (as a cope) and i've started looking into kundalini but i dunno, shit seems too good to be true, it's presented as that miracle pill, fishy as hell.. but it's somewhat attractive, costs nothing to try isnt it?
>>268063 Any kind of enlightenment of one individual person as described by religious snake oil peddlers is a scam and a form of self delusion. It is like fooling your monkey brain into thinking that your are a very high status ape, next to God himself, because you huff your own spiritual farts. Satori, Awakening, Nirvana, call it whataver you like, seeking it is impossible, because it implies there is someone who seeks, a individual WIZARDNAME, and realizing that there is actually no WIZARDNAME is what that experience could be described as.
If you want to know what ego death feels like, then it is more like you become your skin, your taste, your sight, your hearing and the sense of smell, and the 'I', 'ME - WIZARDNAME' mutates from central part of the life you experience to a distant noise blended with the noises of your surroundings. This feeling is fleeting and the attempts to recreate it fail miserably.
Surrounded by terrible people who are happier than you ever will be. Spending all day trying to improve yourself and it’s worth nothing consider to being functional and normal.
>>268036 Is it not possible that if someone's environment or circumstance is of constant annoyance that being depress or frustrated is warranted reaction? Even if they desire nothing, nothing but to not be poked, prodded…. humiliated. It is too much to expect everyone to be an ascetic? Even this person might wish to be an ascetic isn't that a unfulfilled desire? People are their environment and circumstance and nothing more and for some it is simply intolerable. If people were born to live good lives and had the freedom to chose how to live they would be happier. Most people do not want to be Bill Gates, Elon Musk or God they simply want to have a fulfilling life.
>>268086 The people I'm surrounded by are decent people. Big part of my misery is seeing how I fall short of being decent myself. I am often bitter and resentful of their happiness, of their seeming contentness with life. But more than anything I'm angry at myself.
>>268106 Pessimists are right, but so are the others, optimists, as well as those who say it's neither and both. On such a broad schema, pessimism, or its neighbors, are a choice, are faith based, are a-scientific, and unfalsifiable.
>>268133 Even science relies on axioms, though. Specially the axiom that empirical observation correlates with actual reality, which is also faith-based and unfalsifiable. Philosophy is the exact same way.
>>268133 Ironically, the few things we can say without any faith are what is immediate to our direct experience, such as the existence of pain and pleasure.
>>268136 Does the existence of the pain and pleasure imply pessimism? How?
>>268135 So? Pessimist axioms are few: everything is bad, getting worse, and unrecoverable. Optimist is the opposite. We don't follow science because our faith, we follow science because it's powerful. But we can't deny the faithful, non-secular origins of science, and that the metaphysics required by science isnt scientific, but then again, which one would you replace it with that would be? And it does seem enough athiests and nihilist "do science", that even the metaphysics that gave to it's start, arent required to continue it. The determinism of scientific process is a feature, not a bug, and faith lacks a coherent analogy.
>>268138 >Does the existence of the pain and pleasure imply pessimism? How? Not on it's own.
My point is just that nobody can say much of anything before faith. So it's a non-statement. That doesn't necessarily mean everyone's right though, either, just that there's no objective way to say who is.
>>268141 > nobody can say much of anything before faith Why? I, personally, take the Buddha/Wittgenstein view of habitual language, we do it compulsively, in a learned fashion, in effect most words uttered, and most thoughts noticed are not essentially meaningful, more like an AI language model recombining a corpus of text. Maybe accidentally some of our thoughts are true to our views, feelings, experiences, etc. So, if we require a faith, that does seem to be a separate concern, and independent on if we use words.
>>268148 a specific Buddhist result from that being true or believed is that conditioning can be changed and by specific practices (meditation) we can introduce new specific habit defaults
>>268087 Not wanting to be annoyed or humiliated is still a desire and if you can't achieve that desire then it's better to just let go of it. I don't advocate for abandoning desires of every kind. I'm just saying it's good to be realistic. Don't wish for things that are outside of your reach. Examine your desires and stick with those which are easy to achieve for you and discard those that aren't realistic. >People are their environment and circumstance and nothing more You can accept your fate or you can fight against it in vain and suffer pointlessly. Which one do you prefer? >If… Doesn't matter, only the here and now matters. You are concerned with empty ghosts and phantoms too much. >Most people do not want to be Bill Gates, Elon Musk or God they simply want to have a fulfilling life. It doesn't matter what they desire as long as that desire isn't fulfilled it brings suffering with it. You can desire something as basic as eating some apple but if you know for sure you can't ever eat apples then why desire it? Be happy with oranges and appreciate how you at least have something to eat.
>>268106 I will destroy pessimism in a few sentences, just listen.
1.) Pessimism says that most of life is suffering and therefore existence is something negative. So first, in whose name do pessimist thinkers say this exactly? Why should people think in collectives like "us" or "all living beings that ever existed"? Why can't someone draw conclusions about existence based on his own life only? Why should the rich arab king think life is mostly suffering when it clearly isn't so the case for him? But I could insert any man who lives or lived and who was satisfied with his life. Why should happy people also think that life is mostly suffering? If you rarely experience something yourself then it's like that thing doesn't even exist. What do I, who am happy and some bitter person who hates his life have in common? We are two separate persons with different life experiences. 2.) But before this, pessimists need to answer why suffering is even bad or something to be avoided at all cost in the first place. "It feels bad, duh, retard" So feeling good is all that matters? Then why aren't you focusing on the good parts of life as that would give you more joy and would lessen your own suffering, friend? Because all you are doing is just digging your grave even deeper and trying to drag as many down with you into despair or sorrow as possible. Pessimist philosophy ironically created more suffering people only.
Mood swang away from depression, I can clean up and talk myself in to more putting things off - dealing with them now. I’m convinced this kind of internal processing is what non-depressed people are discussing when they say they force themselves to do things, that they are using their willpower. Let me tell you - this internal deliberation and will experience is a million miles from depression. Depression strips this from you. I was going to leave the room and leave it for later, but forced myself to do it now - life is easy when your mind is working. Fuck the demiurge
It's one thing to notice that you have some tendencies, like specifically pessimism, but what is the other side, the Becoming of the Being-Becoming duality? If we woke up today as a pessimistic monster, are we cursed forever? I wonder if people can even change.
I'm out of money and supplies run low. My income is far from substantial. A sort of grief sits in when the tobacco runs dry, a gentle reminder of my poverty that I can't stand. I wished for riches though the world would never grant them. Perhaps, I never deserved supplies at all.
>>268184 Wizchan is about discussing the same 10 topics ad infinitum. Pessimism is one of those 10 ever-green hot topics. Don't blame me.
>>268198 People don't change, they just realize whatever they believed and did all this time wasn't in accordance with their true nature. I believe everything is determined. But that doesn't mean if you are a pessimist now you will be one forever.
>>268227 Since I've been a NEET I've never been bored. Do you wageslave or study?
>>268227 Meditation is often about enduring doing nothing, boredom, sitting with silence and finding peace with it. So you have a whole tradition focused on that if you wish.
>>268244 A big reason I don't believe in an immutable essential essence is because of how people react to trauma and addiction. It's clear they changed from that, in many cases.
God I can’t fucking stand faggoty niggers these days. All these fruity fucking lowlifes can’t can’t handle the any amount of discomfort. All this censorship and feefee shit is driving me insane. I wanna run outside and call everyone a nigger. I was scream kill yourself from the rooftops. I’m sick of being restrained, I’m sick of being nice. I don’t respect these sniveling shits of human waste, I can’t stand pretending to anymore. Fucking burn them all down.
>>268265 Is this actually how you feel though? I know you seem restrained and unable to speak your thoughts but i'm curious on why you have those thoughts anyways?
>>267681 >just learn 2 code so you can get those 6 figures job bros >just learn 2 invest/crypto so you can get rich and retire at 40 with your returns bro >I was like you once working a bottom rung jobs but I work my ASS off and suck up to everybody I met and through gumption I am now a successful businessman and you too can be like me I don't care. I want to be rich like everybody else but all the work to get there is just too much for me. I swear one of these days, when I find the courage, I'll take the plunge and go for an interesting but dumb career choice like indie game dev or boxer or something. I can't sit in an office and take calls. No way. I would kill everybody and then myself. I'll probably fail and fall into poverty and come back crawling to those people who chose sensible career paths to give me a job. But I don't think I have any other choice. I can't be like them. I am too spoiled, entitled and romantic. I need to do this.
Wake up, ask stay the giant box at the front door is, get told it’s a mannequin. The house is full of shit, they can’t keep it clean for more than 12 hours, they have shut piled up everywhere, breaking shit because they knock it over - and they buy a giant fucking mannequin. I wish I lived around functional people.
>>268267 I’ll be specific then, I was playing an online game and got a chat mute cause someone basically baited me into flaming them. I hate having to pretend I’m not mad. People clutch pearls over saying bad words online and it just blows my lid. I’m not even angry about the online censorship, but I was in a party with another person and they asked me what I said to get muted and I told them. And then they got all indignant on me saying I shouldn’t have said it in the first place. Well fuck him, why does he decide what o get to say? Fuck his feelings. It’s bad enough the internet tries to police my thoughts not I have to deal with people doing it too? It was just an insult anyway. People say worse shit on Reddit.
And fucking video games never had this pussy censorship before, you either muted people you didn’t like or left the server. None of these fucking auto mutes that blindly detect no no words because heaven fucking forbid someone is able to express themself.
This is not a regular occurrence for me either. I hardly ever get banned or muted cause I can control what I say and do but I’m just fucking sick of it controlling it. Im sick of pretending and hiding for the sake of other’s faggot little feelings. It’s exhausting. Sometimes I get mad and wanna tell someone to kill themselves, what is the harm in that? How is different from just saying fuck you anyway? Stupid fucking pearl clutchers and their retarded inconsistent morals.
>>268258 How can you change to something entirely different, though? You can only change to things that were already within you and got to the surface thanks to trauma.
>>268293 Concrete example: if you loose a figure. Does that mean your essence always preempted no-fingerness, or it became your essence once you loose it? If there is a human essence, it must be mostly empty and sparse. Or like a green branch. It's only essence is it's potentiality to grow.
have been extremely misanthropic unfocused and tired the past week or so. Everyone I try to talk to online I end up disliking and every website feels like it's been ruined, but everything in real life seems 100x worse. Feel like I grew up and was enculturated to some weird historical oddity where there was kind of an online culture but it's just been totally destroyed now, I don't have any one I culturally relate to and everyone is just constantly getting degraded. Instead of playing decent games it's shit designed to degrade you as a human, everyone says how social media bad but uses it anyway, most online discussions are just bots/ai or people who have spent so much time around ads/bots they might as well be bots themselves. Everyone in my family is just totally incompetent and kind of let their life get away from them since I atleast got a decent job and will probably need to support them. I feel like everything socially is going to keep degrading and no guarantee of any stability of job/living situation from work.
Anywhere I go online to try to talk to people now it's all like 18-20 year olds and it makes me feel old and miserable and like a loser, but I don't know where else to talk to anyone. Even games don't have people you can talk to anymore because they are all just on discord now, or playing evil games designed to make you buy loot crates.
No clue what I'm supposed to do, just double down and content myself with anime/jrpgs or hope the internet changes and somewhere not shit arises or what. Things aren't okay and I don't see any way to make them okay. I'm very lonely but anytime I try talking to anyone I either don't like them or just don't have the energy to actually try communicating. I basically haven't interacted with any groups or normal social stuff in person in a decade, a couple small attempts that didn't amount to anything and was just me being weird. don't know if i'm suited for anywhere anymore.
>>268295 If it got to the surface thanks to trauma then that implies it was there, no?
>>268299 That example doesn't really have to do with character and self unless that experience happens to be extremely traumatizing for some reason. The reactions are there already within you, if the circumstances are right then they will surface. That's what I think.
>>268293 It becomes semantic at this point. Change is rearranging parts that were there, but the expression is utterly different. Just because it's built from the same parts doesn't mean each potential concept those parts can express as exists inside of you at the same time.
>>268389 I disagree that it's semantic, because I changed my view on the essentialist soul due to phenomological inconsistencies, like people changing due to trauma and addiction. There seems to be a limited total potential and you can always fuck it up.
>>268448 i like subtle pains and you can gain tolerance to enjoyment of pain just like you do to pleasure. you just are on a pleasure searching so its amplified
The spontaneous suicide is stunning to me. It's incredible that I have endured immense and harrowing despair for a decade. But many normalniggers can't even withstand 10 minutes. Are they really that weak of mind? that easily broken by one injury? If I had a superpower it would be to make others feel as I do. I'd like to see for how long they could bear it.
>>268504 you'd have to know how long successful suicides planned it out to have a proper comparison. failed group would be biased towards shorter/more impulsive planning…
I’m such a fuckup. Healing a wound on my leg and made progress, then I couldn’t resist pulling the skin off. Took a big chunk of the healed flesh away, blood pouring down my leg. Just because I couldn’t resist doing it while telling myself not to do it. No self control for basic shit.
>>268529 Parents are only required to support us until I we turn 12-18 at most. Be grateful for what you've been given, and don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Good luck.
>>268542 You can always choose to be grateful for anything pleasant, like not choking to death right now. >inb4 I wish I was dead Then do it. Exit bag is cheap and painless.
>>268544 I'm not a pro-natalist, I just believe in people choosing how they want to feel, and not living a miserable life. I'm pro-suicide, pro-feeling good.
>>268546 Neither am I homosexual, nor am I spiteful. On the contrary, Wizard, I only wish to see the true strength and capabilities of Wizardry flourish. A little bit of practice and you can change your baseline emotional state, it just takes a bit of practice. Good luck.
>>268547 You can resent your parents and still have a healthy emotional state. It's some basic logic that parents shouldn't berate their children when they are the ones who purposefully brought them into this world. I don't think they are obligated to support them forever but they really should've considered their kid might be some fucked up loser before they went and had one.
>>268548 And neither is cictimization where it's (always) someones / somethings fault for negative conditions. It's not your parents fault you live un unfulfilling life. That's a joy-stealing belief. Even if you can't always change the world, we have a lot of lee way with our perspective.
>>268550 They all 4 are unstable states related to ego-dystonic experiences
>>268552 I consider the healthy mental states to be few, and nice: calm, curious, joyful, sympathetic, and compassionate. There are probably others, and mixtures that might deserve there own name. Can you think of other such healthy mental states?
>>268553 >sympathetic, and compassionate Take these out and I'll agree. Temporary, strong sympathy/compassion tends to cause people to make terrible decisions that they can't keep up with later on.
>>268557 I consider a clear, calm, non-emotionally coloured frame of mind to be one of the highest experienced virtues. I think its possible to be compassionate and sympathetic without causing harm to yourself or position, though I can't comment on specific techniques. I certainly think they are healthy mind states in many situations, but also can lead to a negative situation if used indiscriminately.
>>268553 Healthy mental state is a meme. Why would negative emotions be bad? Because you suffer from them? They are supposed to motivate you to avoid or do things. There is no useless or negative mental state.
>>268608 sorry bud, if you're american, there is no more heroin. but fentanyl is close enough right bro? I personally prefer crack myself. go to the hood and cop my neighbor.
good family is p important coz no one else will be that close to you so when ur family dies, and ur a wiz, u should probably die too or drown the loneliness
>>268300 Are you me? I have the exact same problem. I'm in my 30s now and feel the same way now that the internet is overrun with zoomers. Everything both on and offline feels foregin to me now, it has for the past few years. I've been living on the edge of society for the past 10 years as it is, so I never felt a big connection to people, but since the start of this decade something feels very, very off with the way people interact with each other now.
>>268745 Everyone in my small town knows that I'm a coomer. Everyone in my family knows and I have female cousins who hate me and they pretty much told the whole town about me. When I go outside I get stares and shit eating grins from everyone I come across. If there's such a thing as hell, it has to be living in a small town where everyone knows that you're a NEET coomer who spends the whole day jacking it off in his room.
>>268747 You could embrace infamy, Diogenes style. Normalfaggots are kinda hypocrites anyway because even though everyone and the entire western culture are pretty much obsessed with sex, if you are a lone man who faps in your comfy room this is LE BAD for some reason.
I’ve been contemplating suicide again. I’m not sure if it’s just cause I moved home and have to deal with my family or if I’m really just nearing the end of my tolerance. I’m just losing hope that my life will get any better. I’m applying to school and work a part time job, but it feels pointless. Jobs and education are just the busy work of life. I can’t even enjoy the other parts. I can’t tell if I hate everyone or if it’s just those immediately around me. I want a better life to be possible but when I look around at my colleagues and my own life it just seems like a lie. Everyone is stuck in a dead end job or unemployed, it’s impossible to make enough money to live by yourself. And if I have to live with others for the rest of my life then I just don’t think I could bear it. And I can hardly bear the company of myself.
>>268595 Let's see what happens if you avoid negative emotions. >when going across the street you don't stop and look to see if a car comes or not because you don't feel any fear (fear is bad!) >when someone goes up to you and takes away your phone you don't do anything because anger bad >when you are treated like shit you don't speak up because it's not good to be full of envy and should be happy for other people's success (even if they didn't deserve it) >etc.
Negative emotions are helping you to survive and are just as important as positive emotions. To avoid them at all cost would only make you a mindless sheep npc. The whole healthy mental state meme is the same as the religious or platonic meme about caring for your soul or virtuous behavior above all. There is no healthy mental state, it's just about greedy doctors and priests trying to control you and to steal your money.
>>268750 >if you are a lone man who faps in your comfy room this is LE BAD for some reason The reason being that you won't make new white children for the race or you won't be a productive part of the system who wageslaves for the sake of his family. Normals are really just guilt tripping people with this porn/masturbation bad shilling.
Sure do wish I wasn't a retarded fucking nigger fighting an eternal war between his nonsensical instincts, the reality of life, and his own beliefs that he holds above all. If there's a thousand different paths of life a man can take in this world then at least 990 of them will do nothing but give me extreme pain because it breaks the careful balance, and my life is such a retarded fucking mess of spaghetti that I haven't done anything but smash that balance into pieces everyday for years now. I'm tired of feeling agony, I deserve it for going against my beliefs, but in the first place I had never wanted to go against them, and no matter how much I artificially prop myself up and force myself not to go against them it's fucking meaningless because Time Erodes All including my power of will, which leads me to repeating the same fucking mistakes thousands of times over for no gain. I just wish somebody would be kind enough to buy and donate me a fucking gun so I could be over with this shit already.
Reading these threads and seeing 90% of people not getting any reply really shows no one gives a fuck about anyone else. If you want people to listen to you complain you need to pay or be famous.
>>268761 caring about someone and engaging them are orthogonal. but I will tell you, NO ONE on an anonymous image board cares about you. At best, they tolerate and enjoy your attention.
Just moved to another country and am feeling like I didnt do the right choice, one year ago this was my plan. Move to another country and suicide without a wallet. Not sure about this now…
>>268804 That is such an easy problem to solve. Why would you even care about problems that are 100% within your capability to fix? The only ones I don't like are the things I can't do anything about by myself.
Watched the movie Dances With Wolves (I also read the book some time ago). Why do some people feel the need to ruin everything? The white soldiers in the story just slaughtered animals for fun. "Hurr we have gunz boyz let's shoot everything lol" The death of Two Socks really hit me in the heart, generally all his scenes. I think this movie/book could have been perfect if the indian story-line was only a side story in the plot and it would have focused on Dunbar living alone with the animals, with his horse Cisco and Two Socks.
I posted this here and not elsewhere because I haven't been moved like this emotionally in a long while. I got teary eyed watching Two Socks play with Dunbar and almost cried at his death scene. The music was fantastic and the scenery was amazing in this movie. Seriously, to hell with people like that who feel the need to torture or kill animals pointlessly. I'm not a vegetarian or anything like that but it always pisses me off when I see meaningless cruelty towards animals that behave in friendly ways. People like that are literal subhuman.
>>268767 I care about a lot of posters, I just have nothing to offer them. It’s almost masochistic to still try and be a kind person online these days, but I assume there’s a few other depressed wizzies who commiserate with others here. I assume they are there silently when I post myself, and I hope people know even without replies there’s wizzies who read the posts and wish you well. Many people want to vent.
If people really wanted us to reply to every response we could, but I imagine most of us don’t have anything to say beyond - yeah I know how it feels.
When I hear normies talk about taking care of their mental health I can not understand. I have done nothing to take care of my mental health. On the contrary I have sought out media that makes me feel worse, Amplifying my negative feelings to their pinnacle. And to do anything else, anything that would make me feel good about myself would feel like lying to myself.
For the same reason I find it difficult to kill myself is also the same reason I'm suicidal in the first place; perfectionism. What does the perfect suicide look like? How should I feel? What should I wear? How should I behaving leading up to it? What time of day is best?
Hate that my ugliness factors into my depression. I have this naive belief that if I was more handsome I wouldn't be so miserable. Really, it's not even that naive of a belief - objectively it's probably true, the question is just to what extent would it make a difference. I don't want it to be true, though. I want to believe that my dissatisfaction with life is more thorough, more substantial than just a simple dissatisfaction with my appearance. How pitiful would that be? It's embarrassing to even write out. So many reasons to hate life, so many ways to unduly suffer, so many examples of it on this very website. I *hate* that my ugliness factors into my depression.
do you guys have anyone you can talk to about this shit? I’ve got to therapy before but I always clam up. I even got drunk last night and called my mom but I couldn’t even force the words out of my mouth. I just put on my normalfag face as usual and made brain dead small talk until I hung up. And shouting into the void here is worse.
>>268942 Unironically AA or a twelve step program. Its simple, formulaic, and they encourage sharing as a form of community. Just go listen a few times to understand the format, and start sharing.
If you arent an alcoholic or drug addict, it might be less impactful but I remember liking it because the formula fit my autismo. Also every group is different, so try out all the local ones if you don't feel love at first.
>>268942 Nope, all I do is scream into the void. I've got a tightly knit community where everybody has known eachother for 7-8 years that I scream into and occasionally they react to my sufferings, though most of the time it's just a soft ignore. Sometimes I complain about very specific issues on here in a rational manner and get some replies.
>>268942 Talking to my mum was a mistake. I could pour my heart out and she would respond with a definitive sounding easily memorized clichés like 'it's all in your head', 'it get's better' or 'it's just hormones' She always behaved like she knew better than me and she would tell me the way I was feeling was not so bad because people have cancer or live in Africa or something. Multiple times I said to her I wanted to go to a psychiatric ward as a teen she would tell me I was wrong. And I even started to believe in the things she said. But what I needed was constant care and assistance and a strategy for coping. When I told her I was suicidal she made it about herself "Why are you doing this to me" she said. I think she took having a son who was depressed and suicidal as some kind of insult against her. She'd like to believe that she is the very best mother in world and she often told me as much while I was growing up as a kid. She was single parent she joined communities on facebook for single mothers where they would congratulate themselves on their strength. She also found reason to gloat about my Asperger's as well. And when I inevitably slaughter myself she too will make it about herself and she will enjoy the attention received. She will probably go to medium and try to disturb my ghost like she does with my nana.
The opportunity for being helped for my depression has long pasted I am irreparably damaged.
My advice would be to examine how thoughtful, loving and capable of understanding you believe your mother to be. For me I trusted mine deeply but in time I have only discovered how little I make of her. I feel like I've been nurtured by a overgrown toddler.
Also I feel déjà vu writing this. I guess I have mommy issues sorry to vent.
>>268946 Not a head shrinker but >The opportunity for being helped for my depression has long pasted I am irreparably damaged. Sounds like a known cognitive distortion of rumination and black and white thinking. Recentlty I watched some show with a mob boss and he had an overbearing mom, and his head shrinker tell him how much power his mom has. He expressses disbelief.
>>268946 i'm uneducated, braindead from years of isolation and depression, so i hope that my post makes sense my father is as big of a narcissist as your mother is, starting from indoctrinating you into believe that they are great people only for you to reach adulthood and realize how mentally ill they really are, being dismissive of your terrible mental health to avoid taking blame, single parent that thought of himself as a hero even though he's the reason why my mother left in the first place (she's a terrible person as well), when i confront my father about these issues he would respond to me with "would you rather have been fucked in the ass in an orphanage?", when i tell him that i want to die he tells me "you're just like your mother" because my mother tried killing herself before (in front of me as well), or "you're possessed by the devil, just like your mother!", it's all about shifting the blame away from them these people are mentally ill, they are legitimate narcissists, the word narcissist gets thrown around a lot nowadays but these fuckers are the real deal, them being mentally ill means that they are not fully responsible for their actions… despite that i can't help but hate him i wish i was capable of splitting his head in two with an axe but i'm not a violent person by nature i'm slowly making steps towards cutting off contact with my father entirely and never having to be subjected to having an imbecilic pointless conversation with him ever again, if i fail i'm killig myself, i can't stand the thought of being in contact with him for the rest of my life there is nothing you can do to save these people from themselves, there is no way to have them understand the amount of irreversible damage that they've inflicted upon you, they're drowning in a pool and if you try to save them you'll only get dragged to the bottom along with them, so i suggest you cut yourself off from her
Reading Sneneca the younger on suicide is refreshing https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Moral_letters_to_Lucilius/Letter_70 https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Moral_letters_to_Lucilius/Letter_77 >life has carried some men with the greatest rapidity to the harbour, the harbour they were bound to reach even if they tarried on the way, while others it has fretted and harassed. To such a life, as you are aware, one should not always cling. For mere living is not a good, but living well. Accordingly, the wise man will live as long as he ought, not as long as he can >It is not a question of dying earlier or later, but of dying well or ill. And dying well means escape from the danger of living ill.
>>268974 Thanks for sharing. >13. Men are foolish who reflect thus: "One person will say that my conduct was not brave enough; another, that I was too headstrong; a third, that a particular kind of death would have betokened more spirit." What you should really reflect is: "I have under consideration a purpose with which the talk of men has no concern!" Your sole aim should be to escape from Fortune as speedily as possible; otherwise, there will be no lack of persons who will think ill of what you have done.
>>268761 I care about what the truewizzes have to say. It feels like most people on here are failed normies whining like teenage succubi. I don’t give a fuck about their “problems”. If you aren’t poor, don’t have a mental illness, or are attractive, you don’t have my sympathy
Does anybody have that article about a guy who tried to kill himself failed, became vegetative. It has a photo with him in a wheelchair and his mother taking a selfie. And he had been asked "do you still want to commit suicide?" and he responded by moving his eyes up and down as to say yes. If you have this screenshot please share it.
the comfort that is offered by a family that you despise comes with the price of misery, a comfortable misery, like being buried under a pile of garbage
It upsets me to think that my brother might have children and through him my neurosis will be passed on and that someone might suffer in much the same way as I have.
>>269068 Because you've yet to see entertainment in anything it has offered you. Not sure what other answers there could be beyond something metaphysical like "because satan and the demiurge took all the cool stuff to mars and left only boring things on earth"
>>269081 Thusly, the better interpretation of the question would be one regarding his inability to find entertainment in anything life has to offer.
Coincidentally, I'm capable of providing an answer to that too! Listen, retard: your brain is dysfunctional, and your thoughts are a mere manifestation of some neurodegenerative disorder (most likely schizophrenia) combined with low intelligence, low competitiveness (which manifests itself in aversion to conflict, consequently depriving you of any incentive to pursue something (almost as if males require a competitive environment, you fucking retard!)) and low confidence (judging from your comments, it is fair to assume that you're a biological failure; therefore it is safe to assume that your father's ability to reproduce was an error that will be corrected (you're a genetic dead-end), and thus not only is your genetic component of low quality, but so is the epigenetic.)
Don't worry, I have a solution too! It's very simple: buy a fucking exit bag, end your misery and correct the error that occurred once your degenerate father impregnated your whore of a mother.
>>269111 Thanks for the opinion you superior man. I in awe at your mighty presence I tremble to imagine your above average fearsome fingers furiously punching the keyboard. I imagine the whole desk shaking violently as you type if it could talk it would scream in agony. Thank you for stopping by at wizchan.org to remind us of how insignificant we are to you, It must've been difficult to have found time between breeding your concubines and crushing men's skulls.
Just failed the 2 easy classes I was enrolled in at community college all because I messed up on a few assignments and due to what I think is undiagnosed inattentive ADHD took me hours if not days to comeplete, all that time I spent working on them thrown away for nothing. Too make it even worse my GPA is now going to be lowered to the point of where I can no longer recive student aid anymore. I fucking hate myself
>>269149 I know that feel, wiz. I always tried to dive into new things, to push myself to do something worthwhile, but I would always quickly give up due to either being easily discouraged or too afraid. Afraid of success, afraid of failure, afraid of change, who knows. All I know is that I'm 30 now with nothing to show for it other than a lot of sorrow, anger, guilt, shame, and remorse. Such is life, I suppose.
>>269111 Thusly, my dear fellow, or should I say, therefore, nevertheless, per chance? Well, dare I say, and if I may do so madam, if you'll allow me gentlemen, perhaps I could enlighten you to the obvious yet simple truth, if I may quote my dear old friend G.K.Chesterton, a dear friend I say, he kept me and myself quite busy during the lonely nights as a young, up and coming aristocrat…uhhh, where was I again? Ah, yes, the juxtaposition of many a types of suffering lies in the truth of the matter, which is quite, if I may, hmmmm yes, quite. Indeed, even.
>tfw the same 10 users discuss the same old 10 topics here ad infinitum Anyone else getting bored of this place? I've been browsing wizardchan and its previous variations for I don't know how many years but I guess there really isn't much to say after all. I am seeing the same threads with slight variations every two weeks for years.
We have the obligatory newcomer venting threads, the nihilism threads, the burnout threads about not being able to consume media anymore, nofap threads, the same 2 or 3 philosophers getting discussed to death (mostly Schopenhauer and Nietzsche), hating on parents threads, gnosticism threads, antinatalism threads, hating on females and the obligatory r9k containment thread, /pol/fags whining about gay and minority wizards, etc etc. There is nothing new under the sun. I feel like I am talking about the same things with the same 5 people.
Well I think that is my sign that I should leave this place behind too just like I did all other internet communities I posted in.
>>269152 >>269149 Trying is overrated. If you have to force yourself to try something then most likely you don't want to do that thing at all.
All I did through life was consuming the entertainment other people created and reading the thoughts and opinions of others. That's fine. I don't want to do anything big or achieve anything special. I just want to watch more anime.
>>269173 where will you go next? and yes i can relate, because i mainly use small niche internet communities with little users so, but i kinda got used to talking about same shit everytime. i just can't imagine going anywhere else.
please consider that if you survived masturbating,then you can tank anything life throws at you. masturbation is the single most heinous,abominable,abyect act of despair and callousness a human man can muster to inflict upon our earth. you fapped,you lost the SEED, and you survived. why fear the ant,when thou hath slain the lion?
>>269175 This is a sign that the plan is working. Soon us humans will be unable to live on our only homeworld and this whole charade will come to an end.
>>269174 I don't think I will go anywhere. I plan on spending all my time on hobbies and using the net to download stuff or to listen to music only. I spend most of my time reading and watching stuff anyways. Currently watching a longplay of Tomb Raider 3, The Twilight Zone (original series), Fate Stay Night HF OVAs plus lots of movies. Currently reading greek tragedies, Never 7, Buffy The Vampire Slayer comics, The Blackboard Jungle, complete Plato, Schopenhauer's World as Will etc, Montaigne's Essays, Of Mice and Men, Hamlet, Stendhal's The Red and The Black….And I have loads and loads of things I want to watch and read still. So I will occupy myself nicely.
The suffering I endure on a daily basis comes from my very soul, it's like I am unable to be a happy person no matter how hard I try. There are certain people who have a negative outlook on life, and then get depressed because of that. I try my hardest to be happy and enjoy life, I try to keep my mind occupied, I try thinking about many different things when I feel sad, but it just keeps coming back to me no matter what. I need to realize that it's just the way life is and live a life where I accept the fact that I will be suffering for as long as I breathe. I can't help but think that life shouldn't be as horrible as it is, but I keep feeling bad constantly and going back to not being happy.
is anyone else happy that the taleban have taken over afghanistan,and now theyre building a serious professional army(as opposed to a guerrilla)? hardcore islam is the most definitive anti-normie, anti-succubi system of human goverment,or at least the best one possible in todays world.
>>269173 I literally feel same as you also . I only visit this place because as a 30 years old virgin I feel obligated. I don’t enjoy reading anything in here and as a schizoid I don’t write or enjoy social interaction either
>>269189 Hardcore Islam is also anti-civilization, anti-science and anti-truth. It will lead our world into another dark age in every imaginable aspect.
>>269189 No because I'm a weirdo and islam is anti-weirdo pro conformist just like every other religion. If me being left alone means gay tranny shit everywhere so be it
no one can deny that holding a flat earth-firmament cosmology makes every small act feel valuable,seem as tho a supreme father-king oversees us. i am a christian,but i wish I could trick myself into also being a flat earther
Feel so distracted all the time by a vague pain/anxiety with no exact cause… Feels suffocating. Tired of feeling confusing longing and unprecise dissatisfaction all the time. What am I supposed to do with feelings like that? They don't provide me any mission statement or path. They just make me feel miserable and horribly empty.
Is the feeling of profound emptiness common here at all? Just wonder. I'd assume so. It seems like something alot of people don't understand well, which can be both isolating and frustrating. But it also feels like the most "accurate" way to experience existence.
>>269189 Islam has its own merits it deserves praise for. Like you said it is anti-succubi and that's good in my book. I also like how it supports growing beard, I know it isn't that important a point but I definitely like that too. I also love the style they use when it comes to buildings, mosques and stuff. Islam has its own charm for sure. And yeah, another thing I like about it is that it is realistic about life. It encourages violence when needed and heroic warrior behavior, that's cool. I'm quite fed up with religions and movements that are trying to push hypocrite pacifism and non-violence.
On the other hand, islam is still a religion and so it is for normals. It also has a low opinion about celibacy and virgin men. Not to mention the lots of retarded ocd-tier rituals and laws that come with it. As it is a religion it is still concerned with the community as a whole and its moralizing can be tiring for anyone who sees past the veil/illusion of objective morals. Islam is better than the liberal capitalism we have currently but that's not saying much. Every religion and political ideology is centered around normals sadly, that's how it is because these things are concerned with the majority and society above all. Every ideology and philosophy that tries to create communities and to connect people with each other is inherently anti-wizardly.
>>269201 So how about a society led by a weirdo tyrant? Like a Caligula or Nero, just wiz-edition. He would give us NEETbux while crucifying normals and whores or burning them alive. I would love to serve a ruler like that. Going from house to house and checking the phones/laptops of people to see if they engaged in any illegal sexual activity and beating up normals with the help of other normals (police officers) because they are paid to do so by the wiz ruler.
Is it normal to only feel pain/ less pain/ more pain/ no pain? I feel that's what my emotions are reduced to although sometimes I also feel more specific emotions.
>>269188 I know it's my brain's fault because I also display other characteristics that are textbook sociopath. I remember being very young and having friends, I would make them upset emotionally or hurt them physically, then try to make them happy after I did it. This was something I did very early on and for no good reason. I'm a shit person at my very core and I really do not deserve anything other than suffering. I don't even mean to play the victim or anything here, it's just that I have spent a long time completely idle and it made me think about my life as a whole, the longer I spend not doing anything the more time there is for me to reflect on my own personality, and these traits have become more and more evident the longer I spend thinking about it. I don't know what to do, sometimes I feel like I just need to completely isolate myself from others, not say anything nor think anything because it could lead to bad things. There are people out there who are creative, intelligent, have positive things to contribute to the world, in complete contrast to who I am. I feel guilty just by existing, everyone would be better off if I just didn't exist. There's really just no other way of solving this problem other than dying.
>>269212 Internal Family System therapy can be self applied and is good for perpetrators. You can choose the light path, but it won't be easy. Good luck, wizzie.
>>269212 Literally just be yourself, take the advice of normals. They don't mean it for people like you but use their own weapon against them. Stop being such a pathetic pushover and grow a spine. Who cares whether you are useful or not? Don't contribute anything, take away what you can and destroy everything those useful people create you don't care about. That's the way to go. There is no reason to hate yourself or have a low opinion of yourself because of this.
Have fun, even if it burns the whole world. Actually the best kind of fun is when you have fun on the misery of others. Take away, leech off and don't give anything back. You deserve to have a good life too, wiz. Don't let normals influence you in any way with their collectivist hivemind logic.
>>269219 Naught/Nama3 is a habitually lying 28 year old autistic cross-dressing tranny chasing hapa(quarter japanese) crab nazi larper who's gained long time infamy within the Chris Chan community, more recently gaining attention on Lolcow.org for his low quality OPs, taking massive :l:s to lolcows, making an ass out of himself and failing in every increasingly embarrassing fashion. Naught is the leader of the Chris Chan white knight group named "The Watchmen", with a known obsession for an anime game known as the "Touhou Project", along with being a noted fan of Ernst Rohm and obsessed with /cow/ lore. Naught, although being a Neo-Nazi with ties to accelerationist streamer Patrick Siegeman, has a liking for trannies on Discord, and has been ridiculed for using his 3 sock accounts (which he shared with other Watchmen) to give himself positive ratings whenever anybody criticizes him for his subpar OPs. Naught is known for his prevalence as a janitor across nazi discord communities and his tendency to make multiple accounts to give positive ratings to as to astroturf the response. He is a friend of many Wizchan mods with whom he shares gay and tranny porn.
I am nostalgic for the depression of my adolescence, if only I knew how good I had it. There was something comfortable to be found in that moody depression. I look back on it fondly. But now I am constantly uneasy, I thought "It can't possibly get worse" It can and has and still yet, it can and likely will.
>>269224 Same. I was depressed but I was able to have fun on the internet. Now, at 24, I don't even enjoy internet anymore. I'm just here because I don't have a job/ nothing better to do.
>>269204 Have the same thing, though most of the time it's just in the background without me being consciosly aware of it, since I have other shit to worry about. It only really strikes with all it's might during night, especially if I'm listening to music.
>>267681 I don't get it, why can't I be happy? I'm honestly curious as to why I finally can't just be content with life or not care as much? I can't fucking enjoy life for the love of me, I tried therapy, meds on and off, exercise, have a friend and other general good shit and still I just can't be happy. It's like some sick cruel joke, I don't get this fucking clown world at all.
I bought an airfryer a few years ago and it has made it easier to cook foox, i used it daily Old oven not very good anyway Since i cook for whole family i thought i will buy another to make it even easier to cook a lot Scalpers buying them all trying to profit on everything Spend a couple of days trying to get one at normal price and i do Gets delivered I unpack it and while swapping places with my old one I knock the old one the floor I try it few days later and fan making clanging noise so i turn it off Yesterday i finally try to fix it The loose piece riveted on i cant tighten it easy, and i couldnt see it waa riveted until i took it apart a bit Taking it apart made it it impossible to put together again because of some moulded plastic bits I broke it trying to fix it So i just paid to get where i was And the demiurge is laughing at me
>>269232 Do you feel like you have some unfulfilled goals or a personal milestone you have yet to reach? Do you hate your job situation if ur employed? Do you abuse any substances?
>>269240 It's an attractive method to me. I don't want my corpse to be molested and have my recognizable photos posted online and made fun of. For cases like death by fire and explosions etc , the morticians basically just put your remains into garbage bags and don't do an autopsy. I'm not afraid of painful methods. I've had a high pain tolerance since I was a kid. I also don't want to be just blinked out of existence. I'd want it to be slower so I can enjoy my final thoughts and stimuli, even if it is horrific agony.
hate the lingering anger after an argument, cant even delude myself into thinking it wasnt my fault even though i wasnt trying to instigate anything, it just naturally progressed into hostility but i guess its my fault for being miserable (???) fuck all this lame shit
>>269251 i dont lash out, i was just being dismissive because i was in a shit mood and that caused the other person to get angry i should practise meditation though
>>269251 I lash out on people online without meaning it and I am fully aware it makes me feel like shit. Even if I "win" the argument I feel I'm in the wrong.
>>269236 I don't really have any goals, i'm in a comfortable position. I don't care about milestones, and my job is fine but I do abuse some weed from time to time, I think it's the weed and I need to drop it completely. But if things get worse i'll probably off myself.
I haven't cried in roughly 10 years. I have nothing against people who do cry, but long ago I decided that crying didn't help me so I stopped doing it. For the past few days, however, I have felt an urge to just sit down for a while and have a good cry. I'm not even entirely sure why, either.
I'm a fucking liar. I used to have a friend in school and I would talk about how people are fucking stupid and that you can get away with lying about anything in the world and people believe it. I consider myself to be better than other people, which is why I lie all of the time, I think people are fucking retarded and worth less than me. People who know me say I'm full of shit, this reputation has followed me around for years and the longer I spend among people who know me, the less I can get away with my bullshit. I need to leave as soon as possible, I need a fresh batch of people who are completely unaware of who I am so I can trick them into thinking I'm very special and better than them, by use of clever wording and psychological manipulation. Fuck people.