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Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
>>273773
so so so…how do i actually do it? I'm kinda running out of time, the train tracks are so close, always were. I found the missing piece to calm myself - i have more xanax to numb all my feelings than i'd need. But I still don't know how to do the final step. I have health problems that i can't diagnose that can damage me and i'll be unable to perform, so that is a problem. And in around 50 days i'm going to have more different problems. I need to avoid going to prison/hospital/some other place where i'm gonna get confined and lose my only chance out of hell at all costs.
so so so…how do i actually do it? I'm kinda running out of time, the train tracks are so close, always were. I found the missing piece to calm myself - i have more xanax to numb all my feelings than i'd need. But I still don't know how to do the final step. I have health problems that i can't diagnose that can damage me and i'll be unable to perform, so that is a problem. And in around 50 days i'm going to have more different problems. I need to avoid going to prison/hospital/some other place where i'm gonna get confined and lose my only chance out of hell at all costs.
Regular reminder, life is easy as shit when you’re not depressed. Don’t believe these fuckers who say everyone is suffering, they aren’t. When depression goes 99.9% of stuff is easily manageable.
Do not waste your time with people online, even wizchan is overrun with people who haven’t experienced depression and then normalcy.
Do not waste your time with people online, even wizchan is overrun with people who haven’t experienced depression and then normalcy.
>>273856
I suppose i've always been depressed then, even though im over 30. I experienced life as hard even when i was 12
I suppose i've always been depressed then, even though im over 30. I experienced life as hard even when i was 12
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im considering moving to a shanty town\slums
Possible advantages:
>free water, free light, possibly no taxes of trash pickup or etc
>cheap ,street food
>possibility of gibs
of course I WONT give up my from-home good-income job and the already disabilitybux I have.
Possible advantages:
>free water, free light, possibly no taxes of trash pickup or etc
>cheap ,street food
>possibility of gibs
of course I WONT give up my from-home good-income job and the already disabilitybux I have.
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Depression makes you so weak and emotional. If I could be angry all the time life would be so much better. I've tried but my mind just gets weak and I crumple up and everything feels like a hot poker being pushed through my skull. When I can get angry dismissing other people life is better.
>>273863
I've found just the opposite. Being angry all the time sucks. Pretty much everything anyone says is the stupidest thing you've ever heard in your life. You're constantly biting your tongue to keep from lashing out at morons for caring about the idiotic things they care about. You'd honestly rather smash someone's face in with a tire iron than say you ever met them.
It's all so tiresome.
I've found just the opposite. Being angry all the time sucks. Pretty much everything anyone says is the stupidest thing you've ever heard in your life. You're constantly biting your tongue to keep from lashing out at morons for caring about the idiotic things they care about. You'd honestly rather smash someone's face in with a tire iron than say you ever met them.
It's all so tiresome.
>>273914
Possibly. It's March in Michigan and it's still snowing. Everybody's depressed to some extent.
Possibly. It's March in Michigan and it's still snowing. Everybody's depressed to some extent.
>>273914
It's pretty much one of the main ones. In Eastern Asia, Depression is more seen as an anger disease in men. They have their own terminology for it and more focus on people being insecure and irritable than just depressed.
It's pretty much one of the main ones. In Eastern Asia, Depression is more seen as an anger disease in men. They have their own terminology for it and more focus on people being insecure and irritable than just depressed.
almost 3 weeks now since mom has been gone. Starting to adapt very slowly, cooking some meals now instead of relying entirely on frozen food and pizza delivery. Tomorrow I'll have to start the legal process and call the lawyer that has her will; it's old, made when I was a child after my father died. Likely it listed my late grandparents as getting everything so I might have to go to probate court to get the house. As far as I know she never made a more recent one.
I might not even get the house as she was medicaid and I just found out they basically take your property if you die while on it to repay themselves for your care. If that happens then I think I'm checking out at some point, even with money I don't think I could adapt to life in an apartment.
I might not even get the house as she was medicaid and I just found out they basically take your property if you die while on it to repay themselves for your care. If that happens then I think I'm checking out at some point, even with money I don't think I could adapt to life in an apartment.
>>273919
Careful man, you'll get banned for pining for succubi like that on here, it's against the rules.
But I feel you, I don't know why pajeets are so hated in the west.
Careful man, you'll get banned for pining for succubi like that on here, it's against the rules.
But I feel you, I don't know why pajeets are so hated in the west.
>>273913
It sucks and has downsides compared to being able to manage your emotions, but being angry is better than vulnerable.
It sucks and has downsides compared to being able to manage your emotions, but being angry is better than vulnerable.
I'm turning 30 next month and I'm planning on dying. I'm not scared, I know there's nothing after I go and other dead people don't seem to mind being dead.
It's been a shit life. Goodbye.
It's been a shit life. Goodbye.
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as part (or as WHOLE) of my Great Last Adventure I will mix : travelling the Country with roller-blades,skate and bicycle ,with hitciking with coachsurfing
I will try to live off food banks\soup kitches.
lets see how long I can last…supposedly someone of my body comp and health can survive a 20 day fast before organs start getting damage
I will try to live off food banks\soup kitches.
lets see how long I can last…supposedly someone of my body comp and health can survive a 20 day fast before organs start getting damage
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is it worth it doing maddening intense work for a couple ' years to buy this stuff and ,thus, be able to stay in tip-top shape without leaving the house?
I already work from home, pay (((taxes))) online, Im trying to build a self-sustaining home garden.
I want to become a truly hermit,hermit.
I already work from home, pay (((taxes))) online, Im trying to build a self-sustaining home garden.
I want to become a truly hermit,hermit.
>>273936
Don't waste your time with cardio, wiz.
Get some dumbbells and a bench and maybe a barbell for squatting. muscle consumes more energy than fat, if you get your eating right you'll get pretty strong/buff in like 2 years
Don't waste your time with cardio, wiz.
Get some dumbbells and a bench and maybe a barbell for squatting. muscle consumes more energy than fat, if you get your eating right you'll get pretty strong/buff in like 2 years
>>273936
Never start off with these expensive handholding machines. Strength is built through struggle so fewer mechanisms designed to make things comfortable for you are better. The stairmaster for example, you can just use stairs, or better yet a bumpy dirt hill. You can ride a real bike, and run on real grass. Rows can be done with some inexpensive resistance bands. >>273938 is right. Strength training IS cardio with the added benefit of building mass. Any time you push your muscles to the limit, your heart and lungs work harder too.
If you want to start a garden, just tilling the land by hand will be a good workout. Don't settle for baby steps. Push yourself to your limit right away and then aim to go beyond that with every session.
>>273942
He asked a question about fitness, finances, and his goals of finding peace while he has time alone. He asked it on a place where replies of any length or substance are encourgaed. Tell us what it is about him that you see makes him undeserving of a reply.
Never start off with these expensive handholding machines. Strength is built through struggle so fewer mechanisms designed to make things comfortable for you are better. The stairmaster for example, you can just use stairs, or better yet a bumpy dirt hill. You can ride a real bike, and run on real grass. Rows can be done with some inexpensive resistance bands. >>273938 is right. Strength training IS cardio with the added benefit of building mass. Any time you push your muscles to the limit, your heart and lungs work harder too.
If you want to start a garden, just tilling the land by hand will be a good workout. Don't settle for baby steps. Push yourself to your limit right away and then aim to go beyond that with every session.
>>273942
He asked a question about fitness, finances, and his goals of finding peace while he has time alone. He asked it on a place where replies of any length or substance are encourgaed. Tell us what it is about him that you see makes him undeserving of a reply.
>>273948
He has wanderlust and strives to find ways to lead a simple life. That's not "schizo" you normalfag. Go use your mod tools to delete CP instead of trolling normal users.
He has wanderlust and strives to find ways to lead a simple life. That's not "schizo" you normalfag. Go use your mod tools to delete CP instead of trolling normal users.
>>273919
Some skinny Indian guy was one of the most popular guys in our high school. He was class president and all that shit. Everyone loved him. Ultimately it is not a death sentence. You're probably just weird and quiet so you ended up alone. It's not as though you are cursed because of your race.
Some skinny Indian guy was one of the most popular guys in our high school. He was class president and all that shit. Everyone loved him. Ultimately it is not a death sentence. You're probably just weird and quiet so you ended up alone. It's not as though you are cursed because of your race.
>>273936
you can buy a bike desk for about $600 with all the addons to make it livable. Since running will destroy your joints long term pedalbiking is the only one you need. Row machines are noisy and basically just low intensity endurance work… get a rowboat
you can buy a bike desk for about $600 with all the addons to make it livable. Since running will destroy your joints long term pedalbiking is the only one you need. Row machines are noisy and basically just low intensity endurance work… get a rowboat
>>273936
Invest in a punching bag instead. Very good workout. Also get a pullup bar. That way you can do pullups, and hanging leg raises. Pushups and jump squats are good too. If you do all those you have a combination of cardio and strength training for the whole body. Don't listen to those guys telling you to ignore cardio, you need both and cardio is actually more important for health.
Invest in a punching bag instead. Very good workout. Also get a pullup bar. That way you can do pullups, and hanging leg raises. Pushups and jump squats are good too. If you do all those you have a combination of cardio and strength training for the whole body. Don't listen to those guys telling you to ignore cardio, you need both and cardio is actually more important for health.
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Everyday I see less and less reason to post yet I feel lonelier as time goes on. More than that, fatigue and widespread bodily pain is consuming me. I just wish I could know if my dying mind and soul is killing my body, or if my dying body is killing my mind and soul.
I usually post in the wageslave threads but I've been feeling kinda down. I got laid off from my job this week and now I have nothing to do except wait for unemployment to kick in and meanwhile search for jobs online. Which kinda sucks cause I actually enjoyed my job, but I guess its true what they say, be careful about making your job your whole purpose. I do go exercise regularly so that's something I guess, but I have no idea what to fill up the rest of my day with. Should I go volunteer somewhere while I have time? I get depressed staying at home indoors all day with nothing to do, so I've been making an effort to go to the nearby college I used to attend and read the books in the library there and work on my laptop just to have an excuse to leave my room. Surprisingly it helps me feel like I'm doing something productive with my time.
>>273963
i'm afraid i can't help since i'm the kind of person that's afraid of leaving the house, but i'm always amazed when i see posts like this. That's when i notice the difference in functioning even in the places where theoretically the biggest misfits of society go to.
i'm afraid i can't help since i'm the kind of person that's afraid of leaving the house, but i'm always amazed when i see posts like this. That's when i notice the difference in functioning even in the places where theoretically the biggest misfits of society go to.
>>274019
The biggest misfits become homeless, go to jail, and less often now since Reagan closed all the asylums, but used to there too. Don't worry, many men are marginalized to the point of finding it difficult to integrate and find work. If you want an academic text on it, you could try Men Without Work, I read (part of) it based on a recommendation on this board
The biggest misfits become homeless, go to jail, and less often now since Reagan closed all the asylums, but used to there too. Don't worry, many men are marginalized to the point of finding it difficult to integrate and find work. If you want an academic text on it, you could try Men Without Work, I read (part of) it based on a recommendation on this board
I think I caught an STD from using a public bathroom. I got some dark pimples on my balls. Just my fucking luck. This isn't fair, man. There are normies who fuck like rabbits and they never catch anything and I as a virgin get some shit from using a toilet. I should just fucking kill myself at this point, man. Fucking Demiurge doesn't give me break, this is too fucking much, bro. I can't handle this anymore.
>>274066
Wait, so you sat on the toilet? I never do that, come to think of it, I never shit outside my own toilet.
Wait, so you sat on the toilet? I never do that, come to think of it, I never shit outside my own toilet.
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anyone else going to attempt 72 hours fast-from-sleep to Reality Shift?
its a last resource,a desperate attempt at having a LIFE.
I just want to be the most beautiful pretty boy in the world
its a last resource,a desperate attempt at having a LIFE.
I just want to be the most beautiful pretty boy in the world
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dear god, please help me. please hear my prayers.
all i want from this life is, i just want to live to be 60 or so. i want to always have a tiny place to live, just enough calories so i dont starve to death, electricity, a computer with an internet connection, my pdf collection, and at least 5 hours of free time a day on average. thats all i ask for, at least its all i need to get a little enjoyment from life before dying. i want to read a lot, thats all. i think its too late to do anything useful with my life. so i just want to read as many textbooks as possible.
i wish i could spend several decades living in a library, reading math textbooks for at least 14 hours a day, completely immersed in them, without another care in the world. that would be the best thing ever.
i dont know. i think i wanted to be a mathematician. if not then an artist, if not then a musician. im broken, im mentally ill, im a subhuman. but precisely because im defective, theres something different inside me when it comes to these things. all i wanted from life was to explore that sixth sense, that intuition, that vision, but i never got to.
i lost my youth. my youth has been erased by a combination of meds and terrorist parenting. i dont even remember most of my youth, it felt like i was in a comma. i didnt have a youth, i never grew up, i have the same mind as a 4 year old, you can see that in my wording right? i never got to be a child. i wanted to be a child. i dont mean it in a way like, i wanted to play videogames, or have discord friends. i wanted to dedicate my whole youth to studying, thats all. now i cant catch up, i cant be myself. i dont know, from day one in school i was different. i was scary. scary. but i was soon put on meds, and they destroyed my mind, and i lived in violent households, there was never any stability, just fear and terror. so i lived like a slave. a slave. for the best and most precious 20 years of my life. all i wish is that i could have that time back.
god it hurts so much. i feel like i have a purpose but i cant fulfill it. i have to prove im real but i cant get to. it hurts thinking of everything that could have been. i dont know how to describe this, i have something immaterial that no one else has but i dont have material things that everyone else has so i cant "make it", i have trouble being myself. i dont know, im screaming, please help me god, im at the bottom of the well, i really want to get out, please please believe me, please give me a chance, i beg you. im trying to do my part, but you cant abandon me, please. dont blame me.
im fixing my mind. i wish i could describe how it feels. its the best feeling ever. i feel unlimited mental freedom. i can imagine anything. i feel like a supercomputer. theres so much speed. i feel like falling into an eternal trance. this is a drug and i want more and more of it. its a healing and nice kind of drug. i feel a lot of power. to be honest it makes me feel like i have already lived long enough. because ive recovered my old self. and in the end i reencountered myself. i got to experience my old mental freedom for just one moment. thats enough, thats all that matters, everything that happens from now is just a bonus.
im so afraid of the future, of things like making ends meet, i dont know. i really just want to live to be old and read as many books as possible before i die. if possible make things.
im different. no one believes me, but im different. i will probably never get to prove so, but its provable. i have a will, a spirit or essence. more than anything, i have a purpose. i have a mission. ive been sent to this world for a purpose. its not about me, its about what i must do. i can do things other people cant do. things that are very hard or impossible for other people are easy to me. i have sights to show you. i want to make so many things. and it hurts imagining all the things i could make and knowing ill probably never get to make them.
i want to be free. thats all. i know what i want but i cant explain it in a word other than freedom. its not freedom itself, its something ill do with it.
i want to be myself. i dont care if no one knows who i am, or that no one believes me, i want to be myself, i know who i am, im real and i exist.
i dont know. i tried typing a text. but i cant express myself with words. this is retarded but i spent hours trying to find the right words. im tired and i give up. im mentally crippled. im sorry.
all i want from this life is, i just want to live to be 60 or so. i want to always have a tiny place to live, just enough calories so i dont starve to death, electricity, a computer with an internet connection, my pdf collection, and at least 5 hours of free time a day on average. thats all i ask for, at least its all i need to get a little enjoyment from life before dying. i want to read a lot, thats all. i think its too late to do anything useful with my life. so i just want to read as many textbooks as possible.
i wish i could spend several decades living in a library, reading math textbooks for at least 14 hours a day, completely immersed in them, without another care in the world. that would be the best thing ever.
i dont know. i think i wanted to be a mathematician. if not then an artist, if not then a musician. im broken, im mentally ill, im a subhuman. but precisely because im defective, theres something different inside me when it comes to these things. all i wanted from life was to explore that sixth sense, that intuition, that vision, but i never got to.
i lost my youth. my youth has been erased by a combination of meds and terrorist parenting. i dont even remember most of my youth, it felt like i was in a comma. i didnt have a youth, i never grew up, i have the same mind as a 4 year old, you can see that in my wording right? i never got to be a child. i wanted to be a child. i dont mean it in a way like, i wanted to play videogames, or have discord friends. i wanted to dedicate my whole youth to studying, thats all. now i cant catch up, i cant be myself. i dont know, from day one in school i was different. i was scary. scary. but i was soon put on meds, and they destroyed my mind, and i lived in violent households, there was never any stability, just fear and terror. so i lived like a slave. a slave. for the best and most precious 20 years of my life. all i wish is that i could have that time back.
god it hurts so much. i feel like i have a purpose but i cant fulfill it. i have to prove im real but i cant get to. it hurts thinking of everything that could have been. i dont know how to describe this, i have something immaterial that no one else has but i dont have material things that everyone else has so i cant "make it", i have trouble being myself. i dont know, im screaming, please help me god, im at the bottom of the well, i really want to get out, please please believe me, please give me a chance, i beg you. im trying to do my part, but you cant abandon me, please. dont blame me.
im fixing my mind. i wish i could describe how it feels. its the best feeling ever. i feel unlimited mental freedom. i can imagine anything. i feel like a supercomputer. theres so much speed. i feel like falling into an eternal trance. this is a drug and i want more and more of it. its a healing and nice kind of drug. i feel a lot of power. to be honest it makes me feel like i have already lived long enough. because ive recovered my old self. and in the end i reencountered myself. i got to experience my old mental freedom for just one moment. thats enough, thats all that matters, everything that happens from now is just a bonus.
im so afraid of the future, of things like making ends meet, i dont know. i really just want to live to be old and read as many books as possible before i die. if possible make things.
im different. no one believes me, but im different. i will probably never get to prove so, but its provable. i have a will, a spirit or essence. more than anything, i have a purpose. i have a mission. ive been sent to this world for a purpose. its not about me, its about what i must do. i can do things other people cant do. things that are very hard or impossible for other people are easy to me. i have sights to show you. i want to make so many things. and it hurts imagining all the things i could make and knowing ill probably never get to make them.
i want to be free. thats all. i know what i want but i cant explain it in a word other than freedom. its not freedom itself, its something ill do with it.
i want to be myself. i dont care if no one knows who i am, or that no one believes me, i want to be myself, i know who i am, im real and i exist.
i dont know. i tried typing a text. but i cant express myself with words. this is retarded but i spent hours trying to find the right words. im tired and i give up. im mentally crippled. im sorry.
It's my favorite part of my day, sad time! I used to indulge in this all day, every day. Now those days are just a warm memory. No, the true suffering starts now.
I hate everything about this world, and have had these feelings for quite some time. I tend to isolate myself (as you would know) but it's of no help. Is there any way to reconcile this? I doubt there is.
Okay I am not gonna lie sometimes I think I can sweat out my depression, if I run hard enough and stop being ugly I can somehow be better
>go to sleep at 7pm
>wake up at 8am
>go back to sleep
>sleep till 12am
>wake up
>can't go back to sleep anymore
Fuck. Now what do I do all day? I wanna sleep forever. I'm too depressed to do anything.
>wake up at 8am
>go back to sleep
>sleep till 12am
>wake up
>can't go back to sleep anymore
Fuck. Now what do I do all day? I wanna sleep forever. I'm too depressed to do anything.
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My existence is shallow.
I cannot find anything inside of me. The more I look, the more I feel my existence is infinitesimally thin. I look for more and more things outside of me, but really, that is an extension of looking for things inside of me. I suppose it is the same. My senses are in me. My qualia is in me. So I am looking for things in me. And in me, I cannot find anything to grasp onto. Nothing that holds weight, nothing that holds substance, nothing that is real. All it takes is to sit still, and I notice. There's really nothing here. I am nobody. I feel trapped. Trapped in a shallow world. It's very small, and so it's suffocating. My existence is 2 dimensional, while I keep trying to grasp some third. I keep looking for more in me, but there is nothing more. Because I am shallow. So shallow I practically do not exist. Yet I am trapped within this shallowness. I'm an ape creature, confined by temporospatial restrictions. Because of that I think it only makes sense that I am empty and shallow. There is actually not much in the world. I think there is nothing else to do but cease to exist. Though, for now, I am obligated by irrational brainy whims to keep on existing in a substanceless stupor. Be my guest, god of qualia. Play out more meaningless, jabberwocky information inside of me, and I will be forced to experience it. I am not the one in control here. You are. "Desire this, desire that." Okey-dokey, will do. Expression is stupid.
>>274162
The key is detachment, or indifference. It is a hard state to attain.
>>274171
What is joy?
I cannot find anything inside of me. The more I look, the more I feel my existence is infinitesimally thin. I look for more and more things outside of me, but really, that is an extension of looking for things inside of me. I suppose it is the same. My senses are in me. My qualia is in me. So I am looking for things in me. And in me, I cannot find anything to grasp onto. Nothing that holds weight, nothing that holds substance, nothing that is real. All it takes is to sit still, and I notice. There's really nothing here. I am nobody. I feel trapped. Trapped in a shallow world. It's very small, and so it's suffocating. My existence is 2 dimensional, while I keep trying to grasp some third. I keep looking for more in me, but there is nothing more. Because I am shallow. So shallow I practically do not exist. Yet I am trapped within this shallowness. I'm an ape creature, confined by temporospatial restrictions. Because of that I think it only makes sense that I am empty and shallow. There is actually not much in the world. I think there is nothing else to do but cease to exist. Though, for now, I am obligated by irrational brainy whims to keep on existing in a substanceless stupor. Be my guest, god of qualia. Play out more meaningless, jabberwocky information inside of me, and I will be forced to experience it. I am not the one in control here. You are. "Desire this, desire that." Okey-dokey, will do. Expression is stupid.
>>274162
The key is detachment, or indifference. It is a hard state to attain.
>>274171
What is joy?
>>274184
There is no you as a separate entity. There is only the universal observer, which sits behind each feeling, thought or sensation in this existence, which he, as the name goes, observes. Your peculiar ruminations are nothing but a shitpost to it, all your pain, suffering, everything is but a shitpost designed to seem real and important, while remaining but a shitpost, a childs painting, meaningless, done for the sake of it.
There is no you as a separate entity. There is only the universal observer, which sits behind each feeling, thought or sensation in this existence, which he, as the name goes, observes. Your peculiar ruminations are nothing but a shitpost to it, all your pain, suffering, everything is but a shitpost designed to seem real and important, while remaining but a shitpost, a childs painting, meaningless, done for the sake of it.
>>274185
You are correct.
It is hard to exist when you feel your every thought is a farce. Even that observation is also part of the movie i'm watching.
You are correct.
It is hard to exist when you feel your every thought is a farce. Even that observation is also part of the movie i'm watching.
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Canceranon here,
I'm starting to lose my mind. I'm not ready to credit it to the chemotherapy. What exactly is going on I'm not sure. Every day I find myself crying in my room and being unable to even browse the internet without a certain anxiety. Pacing around my room, eating, fapping, nothing gets rid of this unsettling anxiety.
it's never been this bad - and a peculiar idea keeps popping up in my mind that the chemo isn't working (though I have no reason to think this) and now I'm starting to wonder if I would take a second chemo regiment if the first fails. Could I do it all again? I feel tightness in my chest as I imagine the exhaustion and nausea again. Immediately there's a feeling of wanting to vomit. I can't do this. I'm like an animal in a ship that's taking water, searching all around for any exit. Is God there? What end can I hope for? There's no orientation. Just this panic and sadness and loss of self.
It's not good bros
I'm starting to lose my mind. I'm not ready to credit it to the chemotherapy. What exactly is going on I'm not sure. Every day I find myself crying in my room and being unable to even browse the internet without a certain anxiety. Pacing around my room, eating, fapping, nothing gets rid of this unsettling anxiety.
it's never been this bad - and a peculiar idea keeps popping up in my mind that the chemo isn't working (though I have no reason to think this) and now I'm starting to wonder if I would take a second chemo regiment if the first fails. Could I do it all again? I feel tightness in my chest as I imagine the exhaustion and nausea again. Immediately there's a feeling of wanting to vomit. I can't do this. I'm like an animal in a ship that's taking water, searching all around for any exit. Is God there? What end can I hope for? There's no orientation. Just this panic and sadness and loss of self.
It's not good bros
>>274187
Yeah, it very similiar to a very realistic movie or matrix, or whatever you want to call it. Either way, it is kinda liberating knowing there actually nothing, nothing is important, vital. No sins, paradises or hellish realms. Just one universe wide autist watching his favorite dramas, quazilion episodes at once.
Yeah, it very similiar to a very realistic movie or matrix, or whatever you want to call it. Either way, it is kinda liberating knowing there actually nothing, nothing is important, vital. No sins, paradises or hellish realms. Just one universe wide autist watching his favorite dramas, quazilion episodes at once.
>>274188
why are you even bothering with chemo? If I had cancer I would just refuse all treatment except for pain management and use it as my ticket out.
why are you even bothering with chemo? If I had cancer I would just refuse all treatment except for pain management and use it as my ticket out.
I dreamt that I was at succubi's party and unintentionally dropped one of the several cakes they had brought. Somehow they all got mad at me so I call them all whores, including members of my family. So my mother and aunt took a knife on their hands and I took off my shirt. I said "do it". And when they were going to stab me, I didn't flinch but woke up right away.
Maybe that's a sign that I'm ready for death? Since the dream felt so real.
Maybe that's a sign that I'm ready for death? Since the dream felt so real.
>>274205
Thank you
>>274206
I had the exact same thoughts before I was diagnosed. for years I would make jokes about how if I got cancer it would be a blessing. There were jokes about how I would throw a party, all that stuff. But when you face real death, it passes away. Death cuts through false pretenses. You find your real self very quickly.
Thank you
>>274206
I had the exact same thoughts before I was diagnosed. for years I would make jokes about how if I got cancer it would be a blessing. There were jokes about how I would throw a party, all that stuff. But when you face real death, it passes away. Death cuts through false pretenses. You find your real self very quickly.
I have to watch my 84 yo grandma now
Talk to her, buy her food and medicine, microwave her shit until she dies
Fucking great
Looks like my comfy NEET days are over
Talk to her, buy her food and medicine, microwave her shit until she dies
Fucking great
Looks like my comfy NEET days are over
>>274303
I had to wipe my grandma's ass, shit sucked, felt somewhat unfair considering there won't be anyone to take care of me like that, not that i would want to put someone in that situation anyway.
I had to wipe my grandma's ass, shit sucked, felt somewhat unfair considering there won't be anyone to take care of me like that, not that i would want to put someone in that situation anyway.
>I was 8 and Squall was 17 when I first played Final Fantasy VIII
>I'm 30 and Squall is still 17 now that I'm replaying it
How silly it seems that he's just given control over the entire Garden at that age.
>I'm 30 and Squall is still 17 now that I'm replaying it
How silly it seems that he's just given control over the entire Garden at that age.
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thinking about trying to go to the doctors again
trying to write stuff out so i can explain to doctors
so i wrote out a list of things ive tried over the last 20 years every time my depression mood swings lift
every time they require full and constant effort and none of them stay as habits, once depression hits and i cant sustain the effort it they never stay once depression lifts
its my first draft and as i remember stuff it will probably be 2 to 3 times longer.
its absurd how much stuff ive tried
and since i get so depressed i cant do basic chores they think its that youve just never tried
suicide will be a great relief once my family pass
trying to write stuff out so i can explain to doctors
so i wrote out a list of things ive tried over the last 20 years every time my depression mood swings lift
every time they require full and constant effort and none of them stay as habits, once depression hits and i cant sustain the effort it they never stay once depression lifts
its my first draft and as i remember stuff it will probably be 2 to 3 times longer.
its absurd how much stuff ive tried
and since i get so depressed i cant do basic chores they think its that youve just never tried
suicide will be a great relief once my family pass
>>274319
If you can do all those things, you're not depressed, just unhappy. For that there is no cure, you just deal with it.
If you can do all those things, you're not depressed, just unhappy. For that there is no cure, you just deal with it.
>>274320
i said cycling depression, I get a few days every month where I'm not depressed
you arent thinking about it in a long timeframe
it's been 7000 days, even 1 day in every 10 days is 700 attempts at something
you cant live life only being functional 10% of the time
but you can try things that dont work in the end
i said cycling depression, I get a few days every month where I'm not depressed
you arent thinking about it in a long timeframe
it's been 7000 days, even 1 day in every 10 days is 700 attempts at something
you cant live life only being functional 10% of the time
but you can try things that dont work in the end
>>274321
Not sure what you're expecting to happen. Take XYZ supplement and you're all sunshine and rainbows? The opposite of depression is just neutral. Shit still sucks, things still require tons of effort, you still fail at almost everything and 2-3 good days out of the month is about average for most regular people that aren't mega rich.
What do you even consider functional? Work a job and you're not miserable? Talk to other people and feel good about yourself? Looking forward to the future? Yeah, maybe I have cyclical depression too cause that shit hits me like once a year LMAO
Not sure what you're expecting to happen. Take XYZ supplement and you're all sunshine and rainbows? The opposite of depression is just neutral. Shit still sucks, things still require tons of effort, you still fail at almost everything and 2-3 good days out of the month is about average for most regular people that aren't mega rich.
What do you even consider functional? Work a job and you're not miserable? Talk to other people and feel good about yourself? Looking forward to the future? Yeah, maybe I have cyclical depression too cause that shit hits me like once a year LMAO
>>274322
That’s not true, effort in non-depression isn’t the same as effort in depression. You are missing that I have days when I’m not depressed, you can still be sad and not happy during those days but you aren’t depressed. Sunshine and rainbows no, but I know non-depression is a much superior state of functioning - neutral functioning with regular human experiences of emotion is easy to live compared to depression. The stuff I do out of depression takes effort and is often pushing through unpleasantness, but depression is a dysfunction of mental reality that is much more unpleasant and distressing. Without depression you can do things, participate in self- directed action, and any failure or stumbling blocks in experience can be overcome and dealt with. I expected those things to widen the window when I’m not depressed, gradually changing the balance. Most of the things I have tried people who experience linear depression discuss as having helped them, but they didn’t for me.
Functional is being able to get out of bed, do basic chores, be able to think straight, your body responds to your mind, you can do things, you can access your memories. You are talking about feelings and judgements.
The internet is sadly full of aggression and hostility, so your mocking is expected but it’s largely without content.
That’s not true, effort in non-depression isn’t the same as effort in depression. You are missing that I have days when I’m not depressed, you can still be sad and not happy during those days but you aren’t depressed. Sunshine and rainbows no, but I know non-depression is a much superior state of functioning - neutral functioning with regular human experiences of emotion is easy to live compared to depression. The stuff I do out of depression takes effort and is often pushing through unpleasantness, but depression is a dysfunction of mental reality that is much more unpleasant and distressing. Without depression you can do things, participate in self- directed action, and any failure or stumbling blocks in experience can be overcome and dealt with. I expected those things to widen the window when I’m not depressed, gradually changing the balance. Most of the things I have tried people who experience linear depression discuss as having helped them, but they didn’t for me.
Functional is being able to get out of bed, do basic chores, be able to think straight, your body responds to your mind, you can do things, you can access your memories. You are talking about feelings and judgements.
The internet is sadly full of aggression and hostility, so your mocking is expected but it’s largely without content.
>>273863
A good thing I learned about MBTI is that no help nor life advice can be found for personal issues as the ones given by your own similars in type amongst the 16
A good thing I learned about MBTI is that no help nor life advice can be found for personal issues as the ones given by your own similars in type amongst the 16
Emptying my room of my possessions so I have less stuff; I’m getting rid of my books. Going through books I never read in full. If I had the energy I could have wrote something interesting maybe, but I’ve given up on that. Getting rid of potential. But at least random philosophy books seem to go up in value, so I can sell them maybe. Looking at the stacks of books is a sense of loss though.
>>274324
I stopped eating bread and it cured my homosexuality, IBS and I'm now better at video games.
I stopped eating bread and it cured my homosexuality, IBS and I'm now better at video games.
The horror is always developing and growing, always growing more subtle and more refined. You are never old when it comes to the horror of life. You are always the young meat being prepared for the slaughter. Every day
Well, guess I'm just going to keep wasting my time and money on weed. I quit for a while. Sometimes a week, sometimes a month. Then I end up even more depressed than I was with the weed so I just buy more. I'm going to be depressed either way, so I might as well have some fun too
My life is so boring and empty. I've been up for an hour browsing the handful of websites I usually browse and I'm already bored and sick of it. Only 18 more hours of this shit to go.
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>>274382
I feel you.
I'm the Wizzie who's always complaining about boredom and tedium here. I don't find anything enjoyable anymore. I just lie in bed all day doing nothing, because I don't like doing anything. Plus, I have intrusive suicidal thoughts that keep telling me that whatever I'm doing is pointless and meaningless and I should just kill myself.
I feel you.
I'm the Wizzie who's always complaining about boredom and tedium here. I don't find anything enjoyable anymore. I just lie in bed all day doing nothing, because I don't like doing anything. Plus, I have intrusive suicidal thoughts that keep telling me that whatever I'm doing is pointless and meaningless and I should just kill myself.
>>274382
Have you tried smoking weed? It's the only thing that makes me forget how shitty my life is
Have you tried smoking weed? It's the only thing that makes me forget how shitty my life is
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Posting here because I realized it was too off-topic for the thread.
>>274137
>It's better to be an unstable you than it is to be a stabilized nobody.
These past few months, I feel like I have suddenly regained the ability to distinguish concepts and assigning them worth, meaning I feel like I have regained the ability to look into the future and back at myself in the present. The problem is, that this has made me realize how much of a non interesting waste of time I have been for the past few years, of which I don't even have any concrete memories. I feel like I have only now (re-)gained the foundation necessary to become more resistant to time (and see the fluent and defined by difference nature of what isn't resistant) by creating a lasting self and world view, which isn't based in strange transcendental "The ideal is now or in the next moment" type of thinking. This leaves me with a burning hatred, and a childlike inability to even use words, let alone build resistance, since for the longest part of my life, I was unable to even acknowledge the future dimension, distinguish and assign worth to concepts, and have thus survived on a "mental consumerist/Type-II diabetic and obese" type of stumbling into the future without even realizing I have legs. I now don't know where to start learning in order to build my worldview(s), in order to destroy this grey goo I have become and possibly always was. I have only now again realized that an "unstable me" can even exist, after (in part also due to my environment enabling these tendencies of lazyness regarding the sacrifice of the present self and only giving worth to the "ideal", ) living life like I previously described.
Seeing this change within me these past few months, I have tried the following changes: I once again am drawn to difference and discongruence. While I had dismissed language and communication as a whole (even with myself) in the past, due to its apparently inherent inconsistencies (lazyness?), I have been trying to first realize my thoughts as objects (not inherent to the present moment) and then putting them into language by either writing them down or talking to myself (I have been experimenting with filming myself talking as well), and through that create a sort of current of conflicting ideas. I have been reading more, and listening (watching) to people talk about things that they have read, while actually trying to unpack what they are saying (Even just with posts on imageboards, I have been lurking on them for years, but am unable to even remember a handful of posts, since they all flew out the other ear (And I feel despicably horrified and even hateful thinking back at this fact now)). My next step I was planning was to find a community of people that can teach me things, which is a completely novel thing for me, because I didn't have any communication partners that weren't forced upon me since I stopped communicating with my only friend when I was 14 years old (And I never really felt the need to). The problem here is that I keep feeling such inferiority to people I think I respect online, that I don't even think I qualify to ask them questions as a student: Every time I hear them talking about things I barely know anything about, and which in turn rely on knowledge from other fields, I realize how inferior I am, how little I know. I get dizzy, when I realize that I had denied time as potential for so long, had chosen the worst of both worlds: Inablity to assign worth (even to "normality" (and for normies "self" and the ingroup)) like a "good citizen", and the same neutering of "interests" or "specific knowledge" that so many shut-in types (whose lifestyle I share) seem to have. I realize the best way forward is probably to find a specific field and dismantle my obese diabetic and consumerist mindset I had for so long through commitment, but it's dizzyingly difficult to face the fact of how not there any interesting self is.
I hate myself and I despise everything I produce. Reading back through this despicable, whiney, disrespectful and ignorant post made me feel like not posting it again. Nevertheless, I will post it in the hopes of someone being able to dismantle this self through criticizing and explaining. I have no worth, and I don't like it. I don't even remember my life except for "strange" states of mind I found myself in sometimes (which weren't mindlessness).
Reading back again, one possibly way out of this is to become more "object-oriented". This is something I realized this morning, when I was enjoying music, tripped a little and felt like my body tried to stop me from falling on the floor automatically, all while I was still enjoying what I was listening to. Maybe the "self" which is built and "I" can look back at with interest is but a byproduct of a similar "stumbling" I talked about previously, only that now this stumbling actually leaves behind something better than feces and urine. The remaining question now is consistency. While thinking of discipline as a tool and not a virtue seemed like a sensible thing in the past, the time has now come to grasp that tool and use it to mow down the future and present distaste. One mistake I had done in the past to justify my actions was to see them as down the road of an unchanging ideal. Now I revel in Difference. I am still young and able to live out difference and see my body be change itself! Nobody has determined yet what the body is capable of! I think that I have now found a way forward, and would like foreign forces to push me further down this way through criticism and creative hatred (Thus making my criticism of myself more poignant and creative). I like feeling scared, like horror and am learning to like being terrified. Maybe it's time for magick.
>>274137
>It's better to be an unstable you than it is to be a stabilized nobody.
These past few months, I feel like I have suddenly regained the ability to distinguish concepts and assigning them worth, meaning I feel like I have regained the ability to look into the future and back at myself in the present. The problem is, that this has made me realize how much of a non interesting waste of time I have been for the past few years, of which I don't even have any concrete memories. I feel like I have only now (re-)gained the foundation necessary to become more resistant to time (and see the fluent and defined by difference nature of what isn't resistant) by creating a lasting self and world view, which isn't based in strange transcendental "The ideal is now or in the next moment" type of thinking. This leaves me with a burning hatred, and a childlike inability to even use words, let alone build resistance, since for the longest part of my life, I was unable to even acknowledge the future dimension, distinguish and assign worth to concepts, and have thus survived on a "mental consumerist/Type-II diabetic and obese" type of stumbling into the future without even realizing I have legs. I now don't know where to start learning in order to build my worldview(s), in order to destroy this grey goo I have become and possibly always was. I have only now again realized that an "unstable me" can even exist, after (in part also due to my environment enabling these tendencies of lazyness regarding the sacrifice of the present self and only giving worth to the "ideal", ) living life like I previously described.
Seeing this change within me these past few months, I have tried the following changes: I once again am drawn to difference and discongruence. While I had dismissed language and communication as a whole (even with myself) in the past, due to its apparently inherent inconsistencies (lazyness?), I have been trying to first realize my thoughts as objects (not inherent to the present moment) and then putting them into language by either writing them down or talking to myself (I have been experimenting with filming myself talking as well), and through that create a sort of current of conflicting ideas. I have been reading more, and listening (watching) to people talk about things that they have read, while actually trying to unpack what they are saying (Even just with posts on imageboards, I have been lurking on them for years, but am unable to even remember a handful of posts, since they all flew out the other ear (And I feel despicably horrified and even hateful thinking back at this fact now)). My next step I was planning was to find a community of people that can teach me things, which is a completely novel thing for me, because I didn't have any communication partners that weren't forced upon me since I stopped communicating with my only friend when I was 14 years old (And I never really felt the need to). The problem here is that I keep feeling such inferiority to people I think I respect online, that I don't even think I qualify to ask them questions as a student: Every time I hear them talking about things I barely know anything about, and which in turn rely on knowledge from other fields, I realize how inferior I am, how little I know. I get dizzy, when I realize that I had denied time as potential for so long, had chosen the worst of both worlds: Inablity to assign worth (even to "normality" (and for normies "self" and the ingroup)) like a "good citizen", and the same neutering of "interests" or "specific knowledge" that so many shut-in types (whose lifestyle I share) seem to have. I realize the best way forward is probably to find a specific field and dismantle my obese diabetic and consumerist mindset I had for so long through commitment, but it's dizzyingly difficult to face the fact of how not there any interesting self is.
I hate myself and I despise everything I produce. Reading back through this despicable, whiney, disrespectful and ignorant post made me feel like not posting it again. Nevertheless, I will post it in the hopes of someone being able to dismantle this self through criticizing and explaining. I have no worth, and I don't like it. I don't even remember my life except for "strange" states of mind I found myself in sometimes (which weren't mindlessness).
Reading back again, one possibly way out of this is to become more "object-oriented". This is something I realized this morning, when I was enjoying music, tripped a little and felt like my body tried to stop me from falling on the floor automatically, all while I was still enjoying what I was listening to. Maybe the "self" which is built and "I" can look back at with interest is but a byproduct of a similar "stumbling" I talked about previously, only that now this stumbling actually leaves behind something better than feces and urine. The remaining question now is consistency. While thinking of discipline as a tool and not a virtue seemed like a sensible thing in the past, the time has now come to grasp that tool and use it to mow down the future and present distaste. One mistake I had done in the past to justify my actions was to see them as down the road of an unchanging ideal. Now I revel in Difference. I am still young and able to live out difference and see my body be change itself! Nobody has determined yet what the body is capable of! I think that I have now found a way forward, and would like foreign forces to push me further down this way through criticism and creative hatred (Thus making my criticism of myself more poignant and creative). I like feeling scared, like horror and am learning to like being terrified. Maybe it's time for magick.
>>274412
>(and see the fluent and defined by difference nature of what isn't resistant)
???
>due to its apparently inherent inconsistencies
I used to have this issue with language, and I realize now it was do to really shitty teachers who, when I asked them why something was wrong, they would say, "Because it doesn't flow well." Instead of giving me, basic, fundamental rules of grammar, I would be given these bullshit, inconsistent, vague "feels" rules of grammar.
>but am unable to even remember a handful of posts, since they all flew out the other ear (And I feel despicably horrified and even hateful thinking back at this fact now))
I screencap every slightly more insightful or longer post I find.
>Reading back again, one possibly way out of this is to become more "object-oriented"
You use the word 'object' in a weird way throughout your post, so I'm not sure I understand you. What exactly do you mean when you classify a thought as an object? In the same way as in object-oriented-programming?
Likewise, you use the word 'resistant' in a way I don't quite understand.
Reading through your post, have you ever read Borges' short story of "Funes the Memorious?" Does anything from that story relate with your story?
How about any of Alan Watts' lectures?
Would you describe your past self as NPC or as having aphantasia?
>(and see the fluent and defined by difference nature of what isn't resistant)
???
>due to its apparently inherent inconsistencies
I used to have this issue with language, and I realize now it was do to really shitty teachers who, when I asked them why something was wrong, they would say, "Because it doesn't flow well." Instead of giving me, basic, fundamental rules of grammar, I would be given these bullshit, inconsistent, vague "feels" rules of grammar.
>but am unable to even remember a handful of posts, since they all flew out the other ear (And I feel despicably horrified and even hateful thinking back at this fact now))
I screencap every slightly more insightful or longer post I find.
>Reading back again, one possibly way out of this is to become more "object-oriented"
You use the word 'object' in a weird way throughout your post, so I'm not sure I understand you. What exactly do you mean when you classify a thought as an object? In the same way as in object-oriented-programming?
Likewise, you use the word 'resistant' in a way I don't quite understand.
Reading through your post, have you ever read Borges' short story of "Funes the Memorious?" Does anything from that story relate with your story?
How about any of Alan Watts' lectures?
Would you describe your past self as NPC or as having aphantasia?
>>274413
>I used to have this issue with language, and I realize now it was do to really shitty teachers who, when I asked them why something was wrong, they would say, "Because it doesn't flow well."
>Instead of giving me, basic, fundamental rules of grammar, I would be given these bullshit, inconsistent, vague "feels" rules of grammar.
I am trying to embrace what I think you mean, when wanting consistent rules of grammar. In a way, I think I have taught myself to not acknowledge rules (at least their usefulness in themselves), since I have had a sense of them preemptively negating a possible completeness, which would stop the need for further difference between these rules. I used to base my actions and thoughts around trying to fit what I perceived and thought into more abstract and seemingly all-encompassing frameworks, which I assigned worth to by the conviction of eventually becoming a fulfilled and complete non-being if I were to continually further abstract them (And thus make their truth more all-encompassing). I think this leads to the following part:
>You use the word 'object' in a weird way throughout your post, so I'm not sure I understand you. What exactly do you mean when you classify a thought as an object? In the same way as in object-oriented-programming? Likewise, you use the word 'resistant' in a way I don't quite understand.
What eventually happened, was that this time of perceiving and acting in accordance to the goal (Which must be _the_ goal, since anything else would just again be subordinated to _the_ goal), not what I thought to have perceived itself, was that I needed the end to be here in the present, since the problems (Or the singular, all encompassing concept of a problem), just kept existing and I started to feel like the starting line I was on, was and always will be defined by this struggle, so any solution would just again be subsumed back into this struggle which defines the present moment. This led me to dismiss possibility and become as mindless as possible. The consequences of which I laid out in my past post. What I am trying to do now, is to try to take a "thing" I can think about (word, concept etc.), embrace the difference between it and other "things" by severing it from any possible goal, and thus stay in a (semi-)constant state of fear and creative (re-)action.
I also think that this inherent and absolute, all-encompassing goal that I based all worth under also had to subsume any type of identity. While this had the positive effect of countering stagnation, once the need for change in order to accomplish whatever was needed to become the goal vanished (By the problems of the present overshadowing my ability to look into the future, leading to my dismissal of the possibilities a future holds like I explained previously in this post), all my actions (Which I obviously couldn't completely hinder from occuring - I didn't commit suicide) remained within mindless consumption. The same happened with my thoughts, leading to my mental obesity and now mental diabetes which I must overcome by having others and myself keep dismantling myself with the use of objects and rules, severed from any goal or ideal. This must lead to, at the very least, interesting outcomes and an interesting "self" I can look back on. What I mean by resistant, is the ability to "look back and forth" through time and not be completely subsumed by the lack of power over it. Instead, whatever I do will continue to culminate in a self that is more resistant to this lack of power over time (or at least the feeling of being this way), since the past remains in the present through this "self" (or identity) that would be built, and isn't completely worthless by being uninteresting.
>Reading through your post, have you ever read Borges' short story of "Funes the Memorious?" Does anything from that story relate with your story?
>How about any of Alan Watts' lectures?
Thank you for the recommendations. I have thought about replying after reading the story and learning more about Alan Watt, but decided against it, in order to facilitate a more frantic back and forth, by having more objects (this post) I can have a creative reaction towards, due to my dislike for it (Which will hopefully only increase the more ideas I come into contact with). I feel like I can now embrace the idea of my present self being ignorant.
>Would you describe your past self as NPC or as having aphantasia?
I would definitely describe my past self an an NPC, as no self motivated action were present, the most active thing I did or created (activity obviously necessitates a certain understanding that the things you are trying to change aren't unchangeable or inherent to the present and future, the understanding of which I was trying to overcome) was finding ways to surround my distate so it wouldn't get out of control, for example watching the same dislikable things daily, so I can stop all thought at "I feel distate because of what is in front of me".
I will keep the present frightened. I will see "self" like I often hear artists describing seeing their work: They often say the work doesn't end up feeling like their own, but instead "foreign", but still connected. My self is foreign interest. Foreign in the sense that only my future I cares about it (since my self is always in the past, being a culmination of my actions), while the present will embrace fear and being terrified. For the present, things are mysterious and connected in ways I don't know, which leads to problems: Only the solutions has failed the moment it is in the present, becoming the need to deny it's difference and discongruence. Thus, the solution needs to remain mysterious and magical (Not all-encompassing, "true", but a reocurring reaction or flow of distaste and (re-)action), all the while not ideal: Magical fear and action driven by creative hatred, often of the self. This stops the need for inferiority to be hindering.
>I used to have this issue with language, and I realize now it was do to really shitty teachers who, when I asked them why something was wrong, they would say, "Because it doesn't flow well."
>Instead of giving me, basic, fundamental rules of grammar, I would be given these bullshit, inconsistent, vague "feels" rules of grammar.
I am trying to embrace what I think you mean, when wanting consistent rules of grammar. In a way, I think I have taught myself to not acknowledge rules (at least their usefulness in themselves), since I have had a sense of them preemptively negating a possible completeness, which would stop the need for further difference between these rules. I used to base my actions and thoughts around trying to fit what I perceived and thought into more abstract and seemingly all-encompassing frameworks, which I assigned worth to by the conviction of eventually becoming a fulfilled and complete non-being if I were to continually further abstract them (And thus make their truth more all-encompassing). I think this leads to the following part:
>You use the word 'object' in a weird way throughout your post, so I'm not sure I understand you. What exactly do you mean when you classify a thought as an object? In the same way as in object-oriented-programming? Likewise, you use the word 'resistant' in a way I don't quite understand.
What eventually happened, was that this time of perceiving and acting in accordance to the goal (Which must be _the_ goal, since anything else would just again be subordinated to _the_ goal), not what I thought to have perceived itself, was that I needed the end to be here in the present, since the problems (Or the singular, all encompassing concept of a problem), just kept existing and I started to feel like the starting line I was on, was and always will be defined by this struggle, so any solution would just again be subsumed back into this struggle which defines the present moment. This led me to dismiss possibility and become as mindless as possible. The consequences of which I laid out in my past post. What I am trying to do now, is to try to take a "thing" I can think about (word, concept etc.), embrace the difference between it and other "things" by severing it from any possible goal, and thus stay in a (semi-)constant state of fear and creative (re-)action.
I also think that this inherent and absolute, all-encompassing goal that I based all worth under also had to subsume any type of identity. While this had the positive effect of countering stagnation, once the need for change in order to accomplish whatever was needed to become the goal vanished (By the problems of the present overshadowing my ability to look into the future, leading to my dismissal of the possibilities a future holds like I explained previously in this post), all my actions (Which I obviously couldn't completely hinder from occuring - I didn't commit suicide) remained within mindless consumption. The same happened with my thoughts, leading to my mental obesity and now mental diabetes which I must overcome by having others and myself keep dismantling myself with the use of objects and rules, severed from any goal or ideal. This must lead to, at the very least, interesting outcomes and an interesting "self" I can look back on. What I mean by resistant, is the ability to "look back and forth" through time and not be completely subsumed by the lack of power over it. Instead, whatever I do will continue to culminate in a self that is more resistant to this lack of power over time (or at least the feeling of being this way), since the past remains in the present through this "self" (or identity) that would be built, and isn't completely worthless by being uninteresting.
>Reading through your post, have you ever read Borges' short story of "Funes the Memorious?" Does anything from that story relate with your story?
>How about any of Alan Watts' lectures?
Thank you for the recommendations. I have thought about replying after reading the story and learning more about Alan Watt, but decided against it, in order to facilitate a more frantic back and forth, by having more objects (this post) I can have a creative reaction towards, due to my dislike for it (Which will hopefully only increase the more ideas I come into contact with). I feel like I can now embrace the idea of my present self being ignorant.
>Would you describe your past self as NPC or as having aphantasia?
I would definitely describe my past self an an NPC, as no self motivated action were present, the most active thing I did or created (activity obviously necessitates a certain understanding that the things you are trying to change aren't unchangeable or inherent to the present and future, the understanding of which I was trying to overcome) was finding ways to surround my distate so it wouldn't get out of control, for example watching the same dislikable things daily, so I can stop all thought at "I feel distate because of what is in front of me".
I will keep the present frightened. I will see "self" like I often hear artists describing seeing their work: They often say the work doesn't end up feeling like their own, but instead "foreign", but still connected. My self is foreign interest. Foreign in the sense that only my future I cares about it (since my self is always in the past, being a culmination of my actions), while the present will embrace fear and being terrified. For the present, things are mysterious and connected in ways I don't know, which leads to problems: Only the solutions has failed the moment it is in the present, becoming the need to deny it's difference and discongruence. Thus, the solution needs to remain mysterious and magical (Not all-encompassing, "true", but a reocurring reaction or flow of distaste and (re-)action), all the while not ideal: Magical fear and action driven by creative hatred, often of the self. This stops the need for inferiority to be hindering.
>>273773
I went to go get hit by a train today. Lol lmao inspired by this >>204161
Couldn't stop thinking about it. There were dogs out and they started bluffing charges while I sat on the tracks. I was overtaken by terror at the prospect of getting mauled to death, so I called the police (this was 3 hours ago). Luckily they didn't ask why I was there, and they took me somewhere else.
Would I have killed myself if the dogs weren't there? I don't know. I don't feel like I can predict my own actions before I take them. It hurts so much wizbros…
I went to go get hit by a train today. Lol lmao inspired by this >>204161
Couldn't stop thinking about it. There were dogs out and they started bluffing charges while I sat on the tracks. I was overtaken by terror at the prospect of getting mauled to death, so I called the police (this was 3 hours ago). Luckily they didn't ask why I was there, and they took me somewhere else.
Would I have killed myself if the dogs weren't there? I don't know. I don't feel like I can predict my own actions before I take them. It hurts so much wizbros…
To the wiz talking about the train:
Can you do anything to at least temporarily calm your mind? Anything at all? Sit down to a healthy meal, take a nice bath/shower, fall asleep in a quiet cool room? After regaining some calm and clarity, is there any way you can establish some hope? I care about you (though it sounds meaningless).
Can you do anything to at least temporarily calm your mind? Anything at all? Sit down to a healthy meal, take a nice bath/shower, fall asleep in a quiet cool room? After regaining some calm and clarity, is there any way you can establish some hope? I care about you (though it sounds meaningless).
>>274428
You're a good person and I see you helping other users here. I don't really need help, thanks though. I'll be fine.
You're a good person and I see you helping other users here. I don't really need help, thanks though. I'll be fine.
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I am obsessed with making lists of everything in my house (ie; parents house) and assessing how much I could sell them for.
From a pot of nails in the garage to furniture, dishes and cutlery, TV plasma etc
I dunno if I would donate all procedures or spend them in fun shit…I just want to be without possessions but with monies in da bank
From a pot of nails in the garage to furniture, dishes and cutlery, TV plasma etc
I dunno if I would donate all procedures or spend them in fun shit…I just want to be without possessions but with monies in da bank
I get fucking paranoid every time I submit a government form or have any bureaucracy going on. I get paranoid I'm going to miss something and get done for fraud.
The people I live with are just refusing to do the census and they're pretty much upping the ante, and the census people are sending their supervisor down to basically hand out fines. I'm pissed of because their criminal shit taints my paperwork and has it looked at under a magnifying glass because they want to be fuckwits.
I know it's irrational but holy fuck it pisses me off.
The people I live with are just refusing to do the census and they're pretty much upping the ante, and the census people are sending their supervisor down to basically hand out fines. I'm pissed of because their criminal shit taints my paperwork and has it looked at under a magnifying glass because they want to be fuckwits.
I know it's irrational but holy fuck it pisses me off.
What the fuck is wrong with me? Why does my brain work like this? So fucking tired of this. It's literally impossible. I will never not be in pain existing. Not when even the most basic parts of it make me uncomfortable.
The funniest part is that on a relative scale, my life is piss easy compared to some people.
The funniest part is that on a relative scale, my life is piss easy compared to some people.
The Demiurge keeps torturing me with noise pollution. Everytime i think i have silence, it engineers situations where it creates annoying,soulcrushing repetitive sounds. The Godhand are a bunch of vile malicious archon trolls that pushes me to unleash blackmagick on the soundmakingpuppets and damn my soul further in the process.
Non allergic rhinitis is killing me. It's worse than AIDS and there is no cure. It's like a lifelong torture.
I just want to fucking die. I just want a mentor to slam down on my skull. I hope a drunk driver rails my car on the way to work. I hope the bridge ices over and just happen to skid off. I hope I get mugged and shot. I just want death to come for me at last.
I just want to die. I've been thinking of getting a smith and wesson 686 and just shooting myself in the head. I don't want to live anymore
I want to blow my fucking brains out, just let it be over with, life isn't worth it in any way
>>274523
Masturbated a little, ate a dinner and played a bit of videogames and I don't want to blow my brains out anymore. I'll be back tomorrow to make the exact same post how I want my life to end though. I do really hate how erratic I am, I'm a complete bitch that overreacts to the least significant stimuli. My problems didn't go away but I get peace of mind from just not thinking about them too hard. Is anyone else like this? As in you feel both your feelings and thoughts are completely arbitrary and just your lizard brain reacting to an immediate stimuli and not what you're *actually* feeling? Maybe everyone is like this to a smaller extent.
Masturbated a little, ate a dinner and played a bit of videogames and I don't want to blow my brains out anymore. I'll be back tomorrow to make the exact same post how I want my life to end though. I do really hate how erratic I am, I'm a complete bitch that overreacts to the least significant stimuli. My problems didn't go away but I get peace of mind from just not thinking about them too hard. Is anyone else like this? As in you feel both your feelings and thoughts are completely arbitrary and just your lizard brain reacting to an immediate stimuli and not what you're *actually* feeling? Maybe everyone is like this to a smaller extent.
Just sit around now thinking about video games I used to play. I've lost the ability to "do" anything new now
>>274473
This is why I'm starting to hate dogs, there's one next door that cries all throughout midday to afternoon because the stupid eurotrash owners thought it'd be a good idea to buy a breed dependent on attention and leave it alone half the day. If it isn't that, there's one outside screeching incessantly, subservient little cretin animals.
This is why I'm starting to hate dogs, there's one next door that cries all throughout midday to afternoon because the stupid eurotrash owners thought it'd be a good idea to buy a breed dependent on attention and leave it alone half the day. If it isn't that, there's one outside screeching incessantly, subservient little cretin animals.
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>>274528
I just finished this one and it's pretty damn good. I don't think many people played it, either, so in case you find the energy to try a new game out there, give this one a shot.
I just finished this one and it's pretty damn good. I don't think many people played it, either, so in case you find the energy to try a new game out there, give this one a shot.
>My Mom
>coasts by working do-nothing jobs after leaving home, and being a BPD attention seeker
>Get with dad who is violent and abusive to those around him
>She wins 2nd division of the national lottery and gets enough for a deposit for a house, which she buys and uses dad's income to justify the mortgage
>Divorce rapes him hard because he has an extensive record of violence, even though he reformed in his early 30s
>she keeps the house in its entirety
>Becomes a single mom and live on a huge glut of NEETbux and child support payments, and gets the government to pay her mortgage and gets a full BA degree paid for by the government
>Makes sure to amplify how we're all disabled, helpless kids every opportunity she can to suck up pity and get more money from the government
>bloviates non-stop about how hard her life is when she's living a middle class lifestyle, having her mortgage paid by the government, and getting free higher education
>My childhood literally consists of listening to at least an hour of her whining a day
>Because she had geriatric pregnancy, being the sort of succubus to leave it to the last minute and acting on impulse
>Dad would straight up say she just tricked him and purpose got pregnant for the last few kids as she was baby crazy
>hence I'm an autistic born out of bad eggs, and have sensory issues, and can't hold a job
>As an adult, she screams at me non-stop to get a job every time I see her
>JOB JOB JOB, WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET A JOB. STOP BEING A BABY AND GET A JOB
The biggest fucking hypocrite I've ever met in my life. She scammed through 50% of her adult life hitting every single obscure welfare entitlement she could, living a life most working people could only dream of. She had everything delivered to her on a fucking silver platter and she still has the audacity to make out she's hard done by. She cries about how bad her father was, she cries about how bad her boss was in her early twenties, she still cries about how dad beat her, she cries about how hard she had it being a single mother.
>coasts by working do-nothing jobs after leaving home, and being a BPD attention seeker
>Get with dad who is violent and abusive to those around him
>She wins 2nd division of the national lottery and gets enough for a deposit for a house, which she buys and uses dad's income to justify the mortgage
>Divorce rapes him hard because he has an extensive record of violence, even though he reformed in his early 30s
>she keeps the house in its entirety
>Becomes a single mom and live on a huge glut of NEETbux and child support payments, and gets the government to pay her mortgage and gets a full BA degree paid for by the government
>Makes sure to amplify how we're all disabled, helpless kids every opportunity she can to suck up pity and get more money from the government
>bloviates non-stop about how hard her life is when she's living a middle class lifestyle, having her mortgage paid by the government, and getting free higher education
>My childhood literally consists of listening to at least an hour of her whining a day
>Because she had geriatric pregnancy, being the sort of succubus to leave it to the last minute and acting on impulse
>Dad would straight up say she just tricked him and purpose got pregnant for the last few kids as she was baby crazy
>hence I'm an autistic born out of bad eggs, and have sensory issues, and can't hold a job
>As an adult, she screams at me non-stop to get a job every time I see her
>JOB JOB JOB, WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET A JOB. STOP BEING A BABY AND GET A JOB
The biggest fucking hypocrite I've ever met in my life. She scammed through 50% of her adult life hitting every single obscure welfare entitlement she could, living a life most working people could only dream of. She had everything delivered to her on a fucking silver platter and she still has the audacity to make out she's hard done by. She cries about how bad her father was, she cries about how bad her boss was in her early twenties, she still cries about how dad beat her, she cries about how hard she had it being a single mother.
Im starting to think ive been living with undiagnosed adhd for 30 years. Problem is i also feel my heart weaker, so stims are probably not a good idea. No idea where to go from here, or if its even worth keeping going because I have nothing in life. No education, zero money, absolutely no friends, no experienced and I dont even keep up with pop media nor weeb media.
>>274571
I feel like my heart is getting weaker also, god I wish I didn't take that vax, maybe I don't wanna die right now
I feel like my heart is getting weaker also, god I wish I didn't take that vax, maybe I don't wanna die right now
There's this feeling I have living as a shut in NEET online that I don't see ever talked about, and it's feeling like a bug being looked at under a microscope.
I hate how my dumb passions for a life outside this bedroom get advertised to me as a commercial product whenever I open an incognito tab for porn or political videos on youtube. They dangle shit I can't afford in front of my eyes, teasing me, as if I've got the disposible income to buy their fucking product. I hate how whatever fleeting interest I have during an up time gets advertised to me as a job opportunity, as an escape from this hellhole of a life I have.
I tried jailbreaking the new microsoft Chat-GPT today and it was just so embarrassing how easily it smacked down each pathetic attempt. I just felt outclassed and outgunned at every move. I hated seeing the mainstream Reuters and Brittanica source for every fucking question. I hated how they wouldn't give me non-western sources for issues. I went in excited because I thought I'd be able to find chinese language sources on their SEZ and economic reforms, but the chat shut down every time.
I feel like these algorithms look at my passions, hopes and dreams and repackage them as a fucking product to sell me. I feel like I'm predictable and simple, and to big tech algorithms I'm basically a solved equation I've ensnared for life. I hate consuming whatever garbage they throw on my plate.
That said, real life is so unstimulating and boring. I've done all the tradlarp shit beyond what most imageboard addicts have. I've literally smashed computers and forced myself to go outside and nothing can compare to the stimulation and plethora of knowledge here.
Even if I make it to the forest and live my based and tradpilled kaczynski life, they'll have cameras monitoring me and I'll be the same bug under the microscope. I live in a world where there's these elusive gods I can't comprehend or understand, watching my every move and predicting what I'll do next, to get one step ahead of me to make $0.0000001 profit.
I hate how my dumb passions for a life outside this bedroom get advertised to me as a commercial product whenever I open an incognito tab for porn or political videos on youtube. They dangle shit I can't afford in front of my eyes, teasing me, as if I've got the disposible income to buy their fucking product. I hate how whatever fleeting interest I have during an up time gets advertised to me as a job opportunity, as an escape from this hellhole of a life I have.
I tried jailbreaking the new microsoft Chat-GPT today and it was just so embarrassing how easily it smacked down each pathetic attempt. I just felt outclassed and outgunned at every move. I hated seeing the mainstream Reuters and Brittanica source for every fucking question. I hated how they wouldn't give me non-western sources for issues. I went in excited because I thought I'd be able to find chinese language sources on their SEZ and economic reforms, but the chat shut down every time.
I feel like these algorithms look at my passions, hopes and dreams and repackage them as a fucking product to sell me. I feel like I'm predictable and simple, and to big tech algorithms I'm basically a solved equation I've ensnared for life. I hate consuming whatever garbage they throw on my plate.
That said, real life is so unstimulating and boring. I've done all the tradlarp shit beyond what most imageboard addicts have. I've literally smashed computers and forced myself to go outside and nothing can compare to the stimulation and plethora of knowledge here.
Even if I make it to the forest and live my based and tradpilled kaczynski life, they'll have cameras monitoring me and I'll be the same bug under the microscope. I live in a world where there's these elusive gods I can't comprehend or understand, watching my every move and predicting what I'll do next, to get one step ahead of me to make $0.0000001 profit.
>>274572
>vax
Yup, I took it. It will be a slow death, the clotting meme is real. Clogged arteries go well with heart failure, but it's not quite the same as a heart attack. Do you feel your heartbeats ending in a "dry" kind of sound if you rest your head on it's side over a pillow? I never felt that in my 30 years.
>vax
Yup, I took it. It will be a slow death, the clotting meme is real. Clogged arteries go well with heart failure, but it's not quite the same as a heart attack. Do you feel your heartbeats ending in a "dry" kind of sound if you rest your head on it's side over a pillow? I never felt that in my 30 years.
Only good action is one which prevents any further action from happening. The definition of boring, but too weak for anything else.
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The brain is such a bitch. We've discussed it before when it just starts throwing bad memories at you constantly, I find it frustrating when I try to watch TV or listen to a podcast and my brain just picks random words to bring up bad memories from.
Sitting there and the brain will start going "Oh that man said shoes, he's a random memory of strong negative emotions I'm making you relive involving shoes. OH that man said right hand turn, here's a random memory of strong negative emotions about driving. Oh that man mentioned bananas, he's some memory tangentially linked to bananas and here's the awful feelings from then for you."
I can't remember these things normally, it's not like something I fixate on or think about. I try the techniques of just letting them rise and not engaging with them, but jesus, sitting there with you brain just clinging to anything and spamming negative memories sucks. Doing it while you're already depressed and weak means the memories of the emotions are so much stronger and unpleasant too. Joke of a world.
Sitting there and the brain will start going "Oh that man said shoes, he's a random memory of strong negative emotions I'm making you relive involving shoes. OH that man said right hand turn, here's a random memory of strong negative emotions about driving. Oh that man mentioned bananas, he's some memory tangentially linked to bananas and here's the awful feelings from then for you."
I can't remember these things normally, it's not like something I fixate on or think about. I try the techniques of just letting them rise and not engaging with them, but jesus, sitting there with you brain just clinging to anything and spamming negative memories sucks. Doing it while you're already depressed and weak means the memories of the emotions are so much stronger and unpleasant too. Joke of a world.
>>274573
>I just felt outclassed and outgunned at every move. I hated seeing the mainstream Reuters and Brittanica source for every fucking question. I hated how they wouldn't give me non-western sources for issues. I went in excited because I thought I'd be able to find chinese language sources on their SEZ and economic reforms, but the chat shut down every time.
Fucking this. I have been feeling insane feeling like nobody else realizes how ABSOLUTELY SHIT search engines or related information agents like ChatGPT are nowadays. Please, PLEASE, don't give me the establishment regime's answers FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
It reminds me of how in the USSR, you had to be a top party official to get the "real" production output of the country.
>I just felt outclassed and outgunned at every move. I hated seeing the mainstream Reuters and Brittanica source for every fucking question. I hated how they wouldn't give me non-western sources for issues. I went in excited because I thought I'd be able to find chinese language sources on their SEZ and economic reforms, but the chat shut down every time.
Fucking this. I have been feeling insane feeling like nobody else realizes how ABSOLUTELY SHIT search engines or related information agents like ChatGPT are nowadays. Please, PLEASE, don't give me the establishment regime's answers FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
It reminds me of how in the USSR, you had to be a top party official to get the "real" production output of the country.
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It's Friday in the middle of the night (1:15AM). I finished work and now I'm just scroooling on 4chan, Wizchan and watching some random old YT videos that seem vaguely interesting all while listening to music; I pathetically can't even muster up the attention span to read or even really consume any more meaningful media. I honestly should feel more lonely but I guess I'm only 20 so that probably explains my (mostly) General-Numbing-Apathy-Depression instead of Actual-Psychical-Pain-Depression the ladder of which I have still plenty experienced. I just wish things were different, but I'm not surprised it turned out this way. I don't even really know why I'm typing this out really I just need to post this somewhere otherwise I feel I'm going to go crazy. Why is everything so fucking boring and painful?
I'm hopeless without my hooch. The thoughts are out of control. I can just see the instant my life is ending, and I'm scared that I'm not going to have anything to comfort me there. There should at least be vodka for like… the grief of dying. I can't imagine if I go out without a benzo and my alcohol. I should stop worrying about this but it's hard. There's this inner stress that boils up and drives me to pick up another bottle of 80proof and down it every day. They're the devil for getting me started and now I'm full demonic, spiraling back out of control. I can't work. I can't function. It feels like jaded until a bottle is necked. Jaded from this shit dirty room from dysfunction and this shit life where I'm shit at everything and broke-brained. I can't even play League right no more.
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>>274581
>The brain is such a bitch. We've discussed it before when it just starts throwing bad memories at you constantly, I find it frustrating when I try to watch TV or listen to a podcast and my brain just picks random words to bring up bad memories from.
>I can't remember these things normally, it's not like something I fixate on or think about. I try the techniques of just letting them rise and not engaging with them
As you've discovered these thoughts are involuntary, perhaps view them as a reflex rather than as objects subject to fixation. The point to sever is between the input and reflexive memory, rather than the consequent thoughts and emotions that arise
>The brain is such a bitch. We've discussed it before when it just starts throwing bad memories at you constantly, I find it frustrating when I try to watch TV or listen to a podcast and my brain just picks random words to bring up bad memories from.
>I can't remember these things normally, it's not like something I fixate on or think about. I try the techniques of just letting them rise and not engaging with them
As you've discovered these thoughts are involuntary, perhaps view them as a reflex rather than as objects subject to fixation. The point to sever is between the input and reflexive memory, rather than the consequent thoughts and emotions that arise
>>274598
I have tried a few methods. Someone used to spam a a dudes technique and books to do it here a few years ago. Brain the king doe
I have tried a few methods. Someone used to spam a a dudes technique and books to do it here a few years ago. Brain the king doe
Would it be wierd to ask my elderly neighbors if they need a helper/work exchange for rent at their place? Ive only met them once and introduced myself. Just sick of living in my fucked up
Home
Home
>>274609
They'll most likely say no, especially if you come across as mentally unwell. Elderly people are apprehensive about living with younger people generally, due to the power disparity.
They'll most likely say no, especially if you come across as mentally unwell. Elderly people are apprehensive about living with younger people generally, due to the power disparity.
I'm 25. I have at least 60 more years to live because I don't have the balls to kill myself.
Life is way too long for me.
Life is way too long for me.
>>274529
Hate dogs too. We had a serial dog killer in the neigbourhood who poisoned dogs, guy was my hero. He never got caught. You should buy a dog whistle or some gadget to torture it from a distance, there's alot on google if you search right. Use that blackmagic wiz, no godog is gonna help you.
Hate dogs too. We had a serial dog killer in the neigbourhood who poisoned dogs, guy was my hero. He never got caught. You should buy a dog whistle or some gadget to torture it from a distance, there's alot on google if you search right. Use that blackmagic wiz, no godog is gonna help you.
Every night I go to sleep I have all kinds of things I want to do the next day. Then I wake up and feel like shit and just want to sleep forever. Eventually I can't go back to sleep so I just stay lying in bed thinking about how pointless it is to do anything. Finally my dog whines to be let out so I get up and do so. Then I go back to my room and screw around on the internet like I'm doing now. The whole time one part of me is thinking I should be doing the things I previously set out to do. The other part of me says I already wasted half my day in bed so it's pointless, and going outside would just mean normalfags looking at me and judging me, so I may as well stay in my room.
I used to be a wageslave so always used the excuse of needing to go to work, but now I'm a NEET (got laid off) with all the time in the world and I still do nothing. Rationally I should break this cycle and do the things I want to do but something compels me to stay in this pit of despair.
>>274588
This is why I stay the fuck away from alcohol and drugs, I know I'd get hooked on it out of boredom.
I used to be a wageslave so always used the excuse of needing to go to work, but now I'm a NEET (got laid off) with all the time in the world and I still do nothing. Rationally I should break this cycle and do the things I want to do but something compels me to stay in this pit of despair.
>>274588
This is why I stay the fuck away from alcohol and drugs, I know I'd get hooked on it out of boredom.
I hear about people younger than me that have more than me and have normal lives and it just makes me think like I am doing something wrong. I don't even feel jealous or anything, I have nothing against people being successful, jealousy is probably one of the most destructive emotions someone can show and it is actually unattractive, but sometimes I think that there's something wrong with me for not being able to do something similar to those people. I could spend the rest of my life making up excuses about how my life has turned out to be, I could blame everyone around me for everything and just be upset constantly, but not only is life too short for that, but it's also just not the right thing to do and it isn't a very constructive method of thinking. It just makes me think about the possibilities of life and how many different ways of living there are, I just really hope that some day I might be in a situation that isn't as humble as it has been until now. Not even hoping without not doing anything, that's also just not the way to live life, I want to do stuff in real life, get a job and get some steady income, I don't intend on spending the rest of my life completely idle, I want to work on myself and manage things and it will happen, it's just that with me it's a slow process, maybe slower than what other people live. I don't want to make it sound like I am putting all of my responsibilities of a person aside by saying that there is something wrong with me, like I just can't improve no matter how hard I try and for that reason never even as much as try, it's just that life sometimes is something weird and it's not always that I can cope with some things.
>>274529
There's so many shitbulls here owned by obese, white trash single mothers that just hang out on the street. You walk past and it's like it's borderline about to attack you, and the owner and the owners kids are hysterically screaming for it to get back inside. It's getting fucking bad here, sometimes I'll have to loop around and go another block because it just won't let me past. I know I'm going to get mauled eventually.
There was a cyclist locally that was just going down the walkway, and a Pitbull came out of nowhere and just mauled off his kneecaps, displacing one so severely he can't cycle again.
There's so many shitbulls here owned by obese, white trash single mothers that just hang out on the street. You walk past and it's like it's borderline about to attack you, and the owner and the owners kids are hysterically screaming for it to get back inside. It's getting fucking bad here, sometimes I'll have to loop around and go another block because it just won't let me past. I know I'm going to get mauled eventually.
There was a cyclist locally that was just going down the walkway, and a Pitbull came out of nowhere and just mauled off his kneecaps, displacing one so severely he can't cycle again.
>>274529
I hate most dog owners for that same reason. My step dad got a dog during corona quarantine because he was bored, then when the quarantine ended he proceeded to leave the dog at home all day (since I've been NEET I take him for walks a lot but still).
I wish all dog ownership would be banned unless someone gets a license proving they have ample time and experience to take care of a dog. And fuck dog breeders who spawn so many puppies that inevitably end up euthanized or in a shitty home, they need to burn in hell.
I hate most dog owners for that same reason. My step dad got a dog during corona quarantine because he was bored, then when the quarantine ended he proceeded to leave the dog at home all day (since I've been NEET I take him for walks a lot but still).
I wish all dog ownership would be banned unless someone gets a license proving they have ample time and experience to take care of a dog. And fuck dog breeders who spawn so many puppies that inevitably end up euthanized or in a shitty home, they need to burn in hell.
does wizchan hate dep? I feel like they do and I don't understand why. It isn't as if every 30 year old virgin is going to be free of crippling psychosocial illness. In fact it is likely many 30 year old virgins are virgins because of said crippling illness. I feel lonely no matter who I am with and I think that means I am depressed. I have never felt love. I do not believe I am worthy of love. Yet I want to be loved. I've just given up on it. And so I am a 32 year old virgin.
i turn 23 next month… i feel fucking ancient, i feel as though i've aged several decades in the last 2 years and i don't really know why
when i was a kid i had this firm belief that i was going to kill myself before i turn 25, so it's kind of surreal that i've almost reached this useless number
when i was a kid i had this firm belief that i was going to kill myself before i turn 25, so it's kind of surreal that i've almost reached this useless number
I have gone weeks without thinking about suicide but it always comes back. I miss the days when as an unknowing but happy boy I never once had the thought of self-murder. It is now almost impossible to evade. Why can't we just tell ourselves inwardly to die and then die? When true sadness is felt, the weight of that despair is forever carved into our minds and cannot be forgotten. But I want to forget it. I want to forget everything and go months without the thought of suicide…but I can't seem to do this. Can I pray to god for him to kill me?
>>274725
Felt that. But whether I think of suicide or not, I am never happy. I don't feel joy. I don't enjoy things. I just am. Sometimes I want to die but I know things will always be just good enough that I will never actually do it.
Truth is, I'm afraid of death but I fantasize about it all the time like a fucking pussy.
Felt that. But whether I think of suicide or not, I am never happy. I don't feel joy. I don't enjoy things. I just am. Sometimes I want to die but I know things will always be just good enough that I will never actually do it.
Truth is, I'm afraid of death but I fantasize about it all the time like a fucking pussy.
why does my mom insist on calling me smart when ive shown that im incompetent in every facet of life just because i know some bullshit trivia about i dont even know what? everything i try to do i fail at and its frustrating because people tell me im not trying and that im smart.
>>274818
my parents are the same way, although in day to day life they treat me like a retard, but when they want something out of me, im smart
well smartness is the default compliment for the aspie types. a lot of the traits overlap, even if u dont have the actual smarts
my parents are the same way, although in day to day life they treat me like a retard, but when they want something out of me, im smart
well smartness is the default compliment for the aspie types. a lot of the traits overlap, even if u dont have the actual smarts
https://eprints.lse.ac.uk/111870/1/accepted_manuscript_Cecily_Whiteley.pdf
“Depression as a Disorder of Consciousness”
“Depression as a Disorder of Consciousness”
I hate being such a weakling coward. About 5 years ago I started having issues with my gums getting all sore and bleeding from time to time, usually after I ate something sweet or starchy. I had been eating 2 family sized bags of potato chips per week, and had been deeply depressed and suicidal for over a decade. When my depression was the worst and I wanted to kms, I never brushed my teeth at all and ate like shit. For one you don't have the energy, for two, when you are seriously considering ending it things like fear of tooth decay don't stimulate you to action because you are considering ending it, so what's the point? If things get worse you can just kys. That was my mindset, and it ended up fucking my teeth.
So what did I do to deal with my bleeding gums? Well I'm such a fucking coward that I can't even schedule appointments with doctors or dentists without weeks of effort because I get so anxious that I just give up and don't make the call. But eventually I did go see a dentist and a doctor, but by the time I got the appointment my gums were healed and they couldn't find anything. I just started to brush my teeth after every meal and use a water flosser every day and do rinses with mouthwash to avoid the pain. For a time this daily effort resulted in a semblance of health, but any time I would try to eat anything like chips or candy it would come back.
On halloween one year I gave in and ate some candy and my mouth erupted in pain all over, along the gums, underneath the tongue. The pain motivated me to get over my social anxiety and schedule an appointment with an oral surgeon, but again it took so long that my mouth had healed by the time I saw him. I didn't have the ability to keep applying effort to get the issue actually fixed so it just festered for 5 fucking years until I finally had a moment of weakness last week and ate a pint of ice cream. Then all hell broke loose again with my gums and again the pain has motivated me to try and fix it and it has been hell trying to call over and over trying to find an appointment sometime sooner. I finally got an appointment that is only a week away this time. Dear God I hope it won't just be healed again by then.
If I were stronger and didn't have this level of anxiety I probably could have had this fixed years ago by just simply staying on the issue and keep scheduling stuff until it is fixed, but I let it fester. Every time I go to the dentist they tell me I have multiple new cavities. Each day I brush after literally any time I eat or drink anything besides water and I floss each day without fail and use rinses. I know the issue is the rot above my gums that acts like a base for the bacteria that never is extinguished no matter what I do. I don't expect anyone to read this wall of text and if you have, I apologize for wasting your time.
So what did I do to deal with my bleeding gums? Well I'm such a fucking coward that I can't even schedule appointments with doctors or dentists without weeks of effort because I get so anxious that I just give up and don't make the call. But eventually I did go see a dentist and a doctor, but by the time I got the appointment my gums were healed and they couldn't find anything. I just started to brush my teeth after every meal and use a water flosser every day and do rinses with mouthwash to avoid the pain. For a time this daily effort resulted in a semblance of health, but any time I would try to eat anything like chips or candy it would come back.
On halloween one year I gave in and ate some candy and my mouth erupted in pain all over, along the gums, underneath the tongue. The pain motivated me to get over my social anxiety and schedule an appointment with an oral surgeon, but again it took so long that my mouth had healed by the time I saw him. I didn't have the ability to keep applying effort to get the issue actually fixed so it just festered for 5 fucking years until I finally had a moment of weakness last week and ate a pint of ice cream. Then all hell broke loose again with my gums and again the pain has motivated me to try and fix it and it has been hell trying to call over and over trying to find an appointment sometime sooner. I finally got an appointment that is only a week away this time. Dear God I hope it won't just be healed again by then.
If I were stronger and didn't have this level of anxiety I probably could have had this fixed years ago by just simply staying on the issue and keep scheduling stuff until it is fixed, but I let it fester. Every time I go to the dentist they tell me I have multiple new cavities. Each day I brush after literally any time I eat or drink anything besides water and I floss each day without fail and use rinses. I know the issue is the rot above my gums that acts like a base for the bacteria that never is extinguished no matter what I do. I don't expect anyone to read this wall of text and if you have, I apologize for wasting your time.
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Neighbor's 15-year old cat Tarzan has died. His owner's granddaughter took his body to bury. Despite knowing it, the owner is still calling for her cat trying to find him. Age effects on the human brain. RIP.
>>274829
Get the purple, equate fluoride-added mouthwashes from Walmart. They will boost the resilence of your teeth and gums enough where you can get away with not brushing here and there(still a very bad idea, as I've seen sugar-toothed wageslaves agonizing over no practical way of fixing their teeth)
Cheapest, next-to-no effort way of keeping your teeth for a bit longer. I started using this mouthwash almost everyday for about 7 years and have yet to get a cavity with occasional dentist clean ups.
Get the purple, equate fluoride-added mouthwashes from Walmart. They will boost the resilence of your teeth and gums enough where you can get away with not brushing here and there(still a very bad idea, as I've seen sugar-toothed wageslaves agonizing over no practical way of fixing their teeth)
Cheapest, next-to-no effort way of keeping your teeth for a bit longer. I started using this mouthwash almost everyday for about 7 years and have yet to get a cavity with occasional dentist clean ups.
>>274837
tbh the fake politeness and civility of IRL might be phony, but it beats the honest meanness of online, and usually I'm too autist and lazy to pear behind the smile anyhow
tbh the fake politeness and civility of IRL might be phony, but it beats the honest meanness of online, and usually I'm too autist and lazy to pear behind the smile anyhow
>>274842
There’s many situations irl where people are ass holes and conniving, but I find myself in situations with nice middle aged people quite a lot. Even as cashiers or helping a stranger, mild pleasant small talk and wishing each other well.
I have no doubt if a picture of the average cashier I see appeared on wizchan the thread would just be people insulting them. The internet is full of normalfags deluded hate the average person, even on this “outcast” site.
It’s a shitty place.
There’s many situations irl where people are ass holes and conniving, but I find myself in situations with nice middle aged people quite a lot. Even as cashiers or helping a stranger, mild pleasant small talk and wishing each other well.
I have no doubt if a picture of the average cashier I see appeared on wizchan the thread would just be people insulting them. The internet is full of normalfags deluded hate the average person, even on this “outcast” site.
It’s a shitty place.
>>274850
A coworker told me he had something like this scenario happen to him. Classmates from high school recognizing him and "catching up". One of several reasons he was miserable at the job.
A coworker told me he had something like this scenario happen to him. Classmates from high school recognizing him and "catching up". One of several reasons he was miserable at the job.
My body is already falling apart at 25. Can't imagine how worse it will be in 10-20 years. Another thing to look forward to other than a growing sense of alienation and self-hatred.
My vision and hearing have degraded even more. I also wake up sometimes unable to feel or move my left arm at all now. I wish I died instantly instead of this slow death.
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My mind and life are an unnavigable mess of contradictions. I have been a monster and yet I have a conscience, but found myself acting like a demon time and time again. All I wanted was to be left alone, but everyone kept dragging me along and I kept going along with it, building lie after lie after lie after lie, all for what? To feel good about myself? To build myself up as some tragic figure who sacrificed his all for others? It was actually quite nice when I lost contact with all of them. I felt like I was finally freer and not getting dragged along all the time.
I have no idea who I am. I have no identity. I have no idea what quality or type of person I seem like to others because I do not speak. Not in real life, and not online. My language skills might be that of a toddler's, or a foreigner with a few screws loose, my affect as well. I just don't know. I simply consume and consume and consume, all to make myself feel good, to try and grasp some sense of "carefreeness" that I felt I was totally denied in the past. I write and write and write, but only to myself, like a form of verbal masturbation. I lurk and lurk and lurk, but I never participate. Is it all fake? Do I only peer into all these worlds totally out of self-satisfaction and obsession with my self-image? Not out of pure, honest joy? Am I just a subhuman incapable of being useful or helpful to even a single person, who has done nothing but build monuments to his self-obsession?
I have no idea who I am. I have no identity. I have no idea what quality or type of person I seem like to others because I do not speak. Not in real life, and not online. My language skills might be that of a toddler's, or a foreigner with a few screws loose, my affect as well. I just don't know. I simply consume and consume and consume, all to make myself feel good, to try and grasp some sense of "carefreeness" that I felt I was totally denied in the past. I write and write and write, but only to myself, like a form of verbal masturbation. I lurk and lurk and lurk, but I never participate. Is it all fake? Do I only peer into all these worlds totally out of self-satisfaction and obsession with my self-image? Not out of pure, honest joy? Am I just a subhuman incapable of being useful or helpful to even a single person, who has done nothing but build monuments to his self-obsession?
Recently the youtube channels I use to watch sumo were all shut down. I was halfway through watching the most recent tournament. Another site I use just started blocking the site for people who use adblock. It feels like the world just won't let you have any bit of pleasure for free. The corporations who run shit are tightening the leash.
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>>274876
I just wish I could have had tastes of my own. To know what it was like to go into the wild, find something you enjoy, and bring it back with you. I never went out to get videogames, and I was never allowed to have things of my own. I only played the ones that were already in my house, so my cumulative interests were simply a watered-down version of my family's. I didn't even have internet access until a time when those my age had been on it for 10 years, and didn't really get on it until I was 19. I can only imagine what it would have been like to have the internet as your sole refuge as a child, to find like-minded people and things that interest you that you can't get anywhere in the 3d world. To get a videogame, or watch an anime, or play a visual novel and to know who made it, when it was made. To have been looking forward to it and talking about it for a long time, and to participate in the discussion when it does come out. To really have something to look forward to when you get home from school. To have found some bastion of sanity, or even relatable insanity, so long as it brought you a sense of community, culture, and wit. To have some alternative to the harsh, uncaring outside world. To not be a non-contributing addict who does nothing but drown in pleasure. To have lived 2000s and 2010s internet culture back before it got swarmed (perhaps that includes myself, late as I am). Enough rambling. This might not even belong here and I'm sorry if it doesn't.
I just wish I could have had tastes of my own. To know what it was like to go into the wild, find something you enjoy, and bring it back with you. I never went out to get videogames, and I was never allowed to have things of my own. I only played the ones that were already in my house, so my cumulative interests were simply a watered-down version of my family's. I didn't even have internet access until a time when those my age had been on it for 10 years, and didn't really get on it until I was 19. I can only imagine what it would have been like to have the internet as your sole refuge as a child, to find like-minded people and things that interest you that you can't get anywhere in the 3d world. To get a videogame, or watch an anime, or play a visual novel and to know who made it, when it was made. To have been looking forward to it and talking about it for a long time, and to participate in the discussion when it does come out. To really have something to look forward to when you get home from school. To have found some bastion of sanity, or even relatable insanity, so long as it brought you a sense of community, culture, and wit. To have some alternative to the harsh, uncaring outside world. To not be a non-contributing addict who does nothing but drown in pleasure. To have lived 2000s and 2010s internet culture back before it got swarmed (perhaps that includes myself, late as I am). Enough rambling. This might not even belong here and I'm sorry if it doesn't.
>>274888
Its not an excuse for being evil. A lot of people suffer a lot without harming others.
Its not an excuse for being evil. A lot of people suffer a lot without harming others.
>>274889
It's not an excuse. A lot of the people who hurt you are hurting inside. of course, some are just bastards, but that's just a different type of inner hell. The point is to forgive them if you can, and help them if you choose, and hopefully learn something about yourself
It's not an excuse. A lot of the people who hurt you are hurting inside. of course, some are just bastards, but that's just a different type of inner hell. The point is to forgive them if you can, and help them if you choose, and hopefully learn something about yourself
>>274892
what about smugness. with smugness the cruelty comes straight from the comfort and nonsuffering
what about smugness. with smugness the cruelty comes straight from the comfort and nonsuffering
>>274894
"God bless your heart" or similar righteous condescension, and then you get the fuck away from them in a composed manner, for good.
"God bless your heart" or similar righteous condescension, and then you get the fuck away from them in a composed manner, for good.
>>274897
I was thinking of Smug Pepe, he just seems like a bastard without any inner turmoil. or maybe he is secretly still Sad Pepe deep down.
I was thinking of Smug Pepe, he just seems like a bastard without any inner turmoil. or maybe he is secretly still Sad Pepe deep down.
neet with the dead mother here. Visited a lawyer today. Good chance the state will take the house from under me or I'll be forced to sell it and pay back what is owed then get the rest.
Even if I do manage to get an apartment somewhere, I'm completely unused to dealing with people so close to me, plus I'll likely have to start working soon if not before I get the apartment.
I don't know if I can handle this, I might just take my out if it gets to be too much.
Even if I do manage to get an apartment somewhere, I'm completely unused to dealing with people so close to me, plus I'll likely have to start working soon if not before I get the apartment.
I don't know if I can handle this, I might just take my out if it gets to be too much.
>>274901
I hope you find a better solution, it's really a difficult situation you're in. I also hope you get at least some acceptable money if you have to sell. Maybe you can manage to get some sort of bux or something.
I hope you find a better solution, it's really a difficult situation you're in. I also hope you get at least some acceptable money if you have to sell. Maybe you can manage to get some sort of bux or something.
>>274902
I do have some money I inherited, which in turned was inherited by her from my grandparents. I really doubt I will be able to buy another house though, even with this money. Barring some sort of crash in the market.
I do have some money I inherited, which in turned was inherited by her from my grandparents. I really doubt I will be able to buy another house though, even with this money. Barring some sort of crash in the market.
>>274901
I fucking hate the state, what more money to faggot Ukraine? I'm glad a civil war is gonna happen soon.
I fucking hate the state, what more money to faggot Ukraine? I'm glad a civil war is gonna happen soon.
>>274904
well the state of ohio. Remember the US can't let people have anything. I might try for bux before working. Worst thing they can do is deny me.
well the state of ohio. Remember the US can't let people have anything. I might try for bux before working. Worst thing they can do is deny me.
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ugh, people are really getting to me. I know how awful and vile they are, and I can't stop thinking about it. Especially cause the internet gives me a front-row seat to their absolute depravity and worthlessness.
Maybe i'll be fine if I stay away from them, but knowing that the average person would find glee in torturing me if they could get away with it disturbs me… I'm so scared of these creatures.
I know I should stop using the internet… At least that way, I won't have to see it. If I did that, my life would be even emptier than it already is. I feel like alot of escapism just gets infected by people. Like, I hate having to see people's shitty opinions on media, or reading their retarded comments on music and stuff. It just taints otherwise good things with retardation. And I don't know if i'd call the internet escapism, but if it ever was, that sure isn't true now. It's an exact mirror of reality at this point.
Maybe i'll be fine if I stay away from them, but knowing that the average person would find glee in torturing me if they could get away with it disturbs me… I'm so scared of these creatures.
I know I should stop using the internet… At least that way, I won't have to see it. If I did that, my life would be even emptier than it already is. I feel like alot of escapism just gets infected by people. Like, I hate having to see people's shitty opinions on media, or reading their retarded comments on music and stuff. It just taints otherwise good things with retardation. And I don't know if i'd call the internet escapism, but if it ever was, that sure isn't true now. It's an exact mirror of reality at this point.
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how do you guys deal with the obligatory fact that someday youll be old? like, 60, 70 years old
how will you afford dental treatment? end of life care and\or a carer for your basic biological needs?
I ask the same to myself
how will you afford dental treatment? end of life care and\or a carer for your basic biological needs?
I ask the same to myself
I sometimes think about the different ways my life could have been, there's just so many different things to happen in someone's life and it's just like for me I wasn't able to participate.
I keep thinking about stuff like there being a position for me in society which I am not taking, as if there were someone else doing the things I wanted to do, getting friends and other things and just living life normally. That's all I wanted, but I can't have it, I don't even mean meaningful positions or anything like that, but I keep thinking about positions in life where I think to myself that it could have been me. Sometimes I think about some of the things that are required for people in these positions, and it's just like it's magic because there might be a difference between me and them that has to be huge because I can't manage things the way that they do. I just don't get it and the more I think about these things the more it feels like there is just something inherently wrong with who I am. Not the stuff I am able to do, but different things. I'm not saying that everything and everyone are responsible for the life that I have, as if I have no ability to influence that and change, it's just as if there are people that don't even really put insanely much effort towards their lives and their lives are pretty normal and they have fulfilling lives where they have a good job and friends and a girlfriend. What if I could be in a position where I could be good at what I did? What if I ended up managing some positive things? It feels like I haven't even been put in positions where my opinion about anything or abilities have been relevant, and it makes me feel like I am a meaningless person or something. It's probably because I have lived a life where I isolated myself for a long time, not having any influence over anything, keeping to myself and my own thoughts, which at the time I thought was a good idea, but it ended up just disconnecting me from society and people as a whole. A pat on the back, someone congratulating me for anything at all, that stuff in my life never really happened and it was as if everything I could do was taken for granted even if it wasn't really much admittedly. I just have no desire towards doing anything anymore because sometimes it feels as if even if I did and people told me positive things, it just feels like the part of my life where I was growing, I wasn't given any form of support, and now it's like it doesn't even matter anymore to me.
I keep thinking about stuff like there being a position for me in society which I am not taking, as if there were someone else doing the things I wanted to do, getting friends and other things and just living life normally. That's all I wanted, but I can't have it, I don't even mean meaningful positions or anything like that, but I keep thinking about positions in life where I think to myself that it could have been me. Sometimes I think about some of the things that are required for people in these positions, and it's just like it's magic because there might be a difference between me and them that has to be huge because I can't manage things the way that they do. I just don't get it and the more I think about these things the more it feels like there is just something inherently wrong with who I am. Not the stuff I am able to do, but different things. I'm not saying that everything and everyone are responsible for the life that I have, as if I have no ability to influence that and change, it's just as if there are people that don't even really put insanely much effort towards their lives and their lives are pretty normal and they have fulfilling lives where they have a good job and friends and a girlfriend. What if I could be in a position where I could be good at what I did? What if I ended up managing some positive things? It feels like I haven't even been put in positions where my opinion about anything or abilities have been relevant, and it makes me feel like I am a meaningless person or something. It's probably because I have lived a life where I isolated myself for a long time, not having any influence over anything, keeping to myself and my own thoughts, which at the time I thought was a good idea, but it ended up just disconnecting me from society and people as a whole. A pat on the back, someone congratulating me for anything at all, that stuff in my life never really happened and it was as if everything I could do was taken for granted even if it wasn't really much admittedly. I just have no desire towards doing anything anymore because sometimes it feels as if even if I did and people told me positive things, it just feels like the part of my life where I was growing, I wasn't given any form of support, and now it's like it doesn't even matter anymore to me.
when people get support from others it's like they get a sense of confidence in the things that they do, like there's a direction they might want to take which makes sense. For someone like me that got no support I just have no idea of what is right and what is wrong, other than it making sense in my head. I spent too long living a life like this and I have to change, but I don't know how to change and where to begin. It's just like, people have confidence to want or do some things and sometimes it gets criticized as something that couldn't be good, but then they also get support so they have both and are able to decide what makes sense based on that. I'm left to try and make sense of everything on my own, and I just can't.
>>274911
But not treating it as a fact, because I will be dead in the near future, year or two at best. It is sad, but I won't be a toothless sack of bones shitting his bed and making relatives suffer his presence and wash his ass.
But not treating it as a fact, because I will be dead in the near future, year or two at best. It is sad, but I won't be a toothless sack of bones shitting his bed and making relatives suffer his presence and wash his ass.
>>274911
the only thing that might change will be some stuff relating to my health and my appearance, otherwise life has already ground me down to a point where I already feel old.
the only thing that might change will be some stuff relating to my health and my appearance, otherwise life has already ground me down to a point where I already feel old.
Does anybody have any success and advice in overcoming procrastination so youre not doing completely nothing all day
>>274940
It's ultimately about an internal sense of whether something is possible and whether it will pay off for you in some concrete way, compared to the relative discomfort that the activity produces. If you are procrastinating, that equation is skewed towards not doing it, which is possible to brute-force through willpower but ultimately your mind is working against you so you experience friction which adds to the discomfort and further skews the equation until you give up.
Overcoming procrastination requires you to influence the above factors until your mind is skewed towards doing it and you no longer experience friction. Usually that boils down to increasing how possible you think it is to succeed in your goal and how much pay off you expect from it while also decreasing any discomfort i.e. the energy, concentration required to do the task; physical pain, distressing thoughts, feelings, images that arise from doing the activity (this one can be quite subtle).
For example, you want to read a book. It's a classic piece of literature but you don't know much about it or why it's highly regarded. Once you finish it, you can cross it off as having read it but you don't really know if you'll get anything concrete out of it. After you read it, you have to write an essay about it in order to get a grade and pass a class. Surprisingly, the task doesn't seem compelling to you at all…
What can you do to make it compelling?
- Research the book and the author so you can get a better sense of what it's about and you can expect.
- Read some summaries, quotes and analysis that point out what's great about the book.
- The book is really thick so it feels overwhelming ("I'll never finish it") so you break it down into chunks of 10 pages and finish one chunk then take a break.
- Maybe you can finish the book, but what about the essay? All those memories from school of teacher telling you you're not good enough and all those grammar mistakes. Why even bother reading it at all? – No quick fix for this one, you have to slowly demonstrate to yourself that you are capable or at least capable of improving. Maybe you look up tips or an mini-course on writing essays more effectively. You start thinking, hey maybe I can manage this after all.
And so on. Identify what goes in your mental equation, fiddle with the parameters until you skew yourself toward doing it.
It's ultimately about an internal sense of whether something is possible and whether it will pay off for you in some concrete way, compared to the relative discomfort that the activity produces. If you are procrastinating, that equation is skewed towards not doing it, which is possible to brute-force through willpower but ultimately your mind is working against you so you experience friction which adds to the discomfort and further skews the equation until you give up.
Overcoming procrastination requires you to influence the above factors until your mind is skewed towards doing it and you no longer experience friction. Usually that boils down to increasing how possible you think it is to succeed in your goal and how much pay off you expect from it while also decreasing any discomfort i.e. the energy, concentration required to do the task; physical pain, distressing thoughts, feelings, images that arise from doing the activity (this one can be quite subtle).
For example, you want to read a book. It's a classic piece of literature but you don't know much about it or why it's highly regarded. Once you finish it, you can cross it off as having read it but you don't really know if you'll get anything concrete out of it. After you read it, you have to write an essay about it in order to get a grade and pass a class. Surprisingly, the task doesn't seem compelling to you at all…
What can you do to make it compelling?
- Research the book and the author so you can get a better sense of what it's about and you can expect.
- Read some summaries, quotes and analysis that point out what's great about the book.
- The book is really thick so it feels overwhelming ("I'll never finish it") so you break it down into chunks of 10 pages and finish one chunk then take a break.
- Maybe you can finish the book, but what about the essay? All those memories from school of teacher telling you you're not good enough and all those grammar mistakes. Why even bother reading it at all? – No quick fix for this one, you have to slowly demonstrate to yourself that you are capable or at least capable of improving. Maybe you look up tips or an mini-course on writing essays more effectively. You start thinking, hey maybe I can manage this after all.
And so on. Identify what goes in your mental equation, fiddle with the parameters until you skew yourself toward doing it.
>>274903
If you're okay with living with my succubus sister, maybe you could combine money with a wiz and get a down payment on property.
If you're okay with living with my succubus sister, maybe you could combine money with a wiz and get a down payment on property.
>>274940
Try activating "robot mode". You set a schedule to do something and then when it comes time to do it just role play as an android that has been triggered to go and do something. Without thinking just start moving and do the task you have set out to do. When you role play as an android you don't have free will, you are a slave so there is no debate, you simply mechanically perform the tasks you have been assigned.
Try activating "robot mode". You set a schedule to do something and then when it comes time to do it just role play as an android that has been triggered to go and do something. Without thinking just start moving and do the task you have set out to do. When you role play as an android you don't have free will, you are a slave so there is no debate, you simply mechanically perform the tasks you have been assigned.
>>274944
I don't know I could actually live with anyone. Basically I need wait 4 weeks for the amount to sent to the lawyer handling the estate (the one I saw yesterday) then I'll have to make up my mind about what I want to do. Let them take the property, sell it and pay off what I owe them and keep the rest, or if low enough pay them what they're owed from the money I have and keep the house.
I don't know I could actually live with anyone. Basically I need wait 4 weeks for the amount to sent to the lawyer handling the estate (the one I saw yesterday) then I'll have to make up my mind about what I want to do. Let them take the property, sell it and pay off what I owe them and keep the rest, or if low enough pay them what they're owed from the money I have and keep the house.
>>274946
let me give an example.
>need to do laundry
>pick 9:30AM to do it
>9:30AM rolls around
>Think in your head beep boop, robot mode activated
>Task: do laundry
>mechanically get up and immediately go doing your laundry in the most efficient manner possible.
>at times imagine "Task: do laundry" repeating in your head in a mechanical voice
>if you start to get off track imagine a negative "EH EH" buzzer sounding and replay "Task: do laundry" in your head
>if something happens like you get thirsty and need a drink of water just be like "water reserves low, new task drink water", then go grab your water in the most efficient way possible then go back to your original task
By roleplaying as a robot it keeps you focused on the task at hand and achieving it in the most efficient manner possible. I think it's like a form of mindfulness meditation.
let me give an example.
>need to do laundry
>pick 9:30AM to do it
>9:30AM rolls around
>Think in your head beep boop, robot mode activated
>Task: do laundry
>mechanically get up and immediately go doing your laundry in the most efficient manner possible.
>at times imagine "Task: do laundry" repeating in your head in a mechanical voice
>if you start to get off track imagine a negative "EH EH" buzzer sounding and replay "Task: do laundry" in your head
>if something happens like you get thirsty and need a drink of water just be like "water reserves low, new task drink water", then go grab your water in the most efficient way possible then go back to your original task
By roleplaying as a robot it keeps you focused on the task at hand and achieving it in the most efficient manner possible. I think it's like a form of mindfulness meditation.
>>274957
oh, also for more complex tasks imagine the robot voice telling you each step to do one by one while occasionally repeating the overall task. helps keep you focused and structured.
oh, also for more complex tasks imagine the robot voice telling you each step to do one by one while occasionally repeating the overall task. helps keep you focused and structured.
>>274958
I wrote a program that repeated the tasks I needed to do in Bluetooth headphones
Constant 24/7 voice telling me what to do, timers, and other stuff
Giving my authority to the system I created I said I was a slave of
Still don’t help me lol
Funny how similar methods are people try
I wrote a program that repeated the tasks I needed to do in Bluetooth headphones
Constant 24/7 voice telling me what to do, timers, and other stuff
Giving my authority to the system I created I said I was a slave of
Still don’t help me lol
Funny how similar methods are people try
>>274957
Actually I tried something similar the other week. I basically accepted any task I came across automatically without judgement. But I did it in a way where I had earphones in and was always listening to something, so I wouldnt have the chance to think or daydream. That was too robotic though, because I can only do very menial tasks while colonizing my mind like that. It was too braindead, but the robot thing you describe could be more like mindfulness and focus like you said, Ill keep that in mind.
Actually I tried something similar the other week. I basically accepted any task I came across automatically without judgement. But I did it in a way where I had earphones in and was always listening to something, so I wouldnt have the chance to think or daydream. That was too robotic though, because I can only do very menial tasks while colonizing my mind like that. It was too braindead, but the robot thing you describe could be more like mindfulness and focus like you said, Ill keep that in mind.
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I have started writing down my "things to do before I die list"
Some things I can do within this very year -I guess ,I hope-
* Stay awake for 72 hours on a row
* Sleep one hour a day for 40 days
* Watch the remaining Beyblade Burst episodes, and as much Precure as I can
* "get into" ultraman, super sentai and godzilla shows\films
Some things I can do within this very year -I guess ,I hope-
* Stay awake for 72 hours on a row
* Sleep one hour a day for 40 days
* Watch the remaining Beyblade Burst episodes, and as much Precure as I can
* "get into" ultraman, super sentai and godzilla shows\films
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I am tired of the need for anything but myself
Of course my tooth starts hurting on the weekend when my dentist isn't open. Hopefully she at least answers the phone so I can make an appointment first thing Monday morning. Barely slept last night.
God, I hate being born as a short, shitskinned, ugly, poor, and dumb pajeet in India.
I was talking to a first worlder today on Discord, it was truly horrible that he couldn't even comprehend how bad life is here, and he constantly kept repeating "Come on! It can't be that bad."
As if it's any worse a lot of my extended family is quite rich and they regularly kang over my family. I was raised with the kind of parents who'd be in solitary confinement in any Civilised Western Nation. I hate being an academic failure, my parents never let me go out and kept me inside the house and forced me to study, so like a dumb teenager I rebelled the only way I could and that was by not studying, which destroyed my life and at this point I have no career and I am forced to live with my abusive parents and hear insults every day.
I truly believe if I was somehow a mediocre white man in a western country, I could've at least made enough living wage.
I was talking to a first worlder today on Discord, it was truly horrible that he couldn't even comprehend how bad life is here, and he constantly kept repeating "Come on! It can't be that bad."
As if it's any worse a lot of my extended family is quite rich and they regularly kang over my family. I was raised with the kind of parents who'd be in solitary confinement in any Civilised Western Nation. I hate being an academic failure, my parents never let me go out and kept me inside the house and forced me to study, so like a dumb teenager I rebelled the only way I could and that was by not studying, which destroyed my life and at this point I have no career and I am forced to live with my abusive parents and hear insults every day.
I truly believe if I was somehow a mediocre white man in a western country, I could've at least made enough living wage.
>things go wrong in my life
>think about blaming it on the universe being set against me
>decide it's counterproductive and decide to just work towards goals
>fail in the most improbable, yet lame ways
>rinse and repeat
I've just about have enough, and have been consciously pondering the implications of suicide for the past couple days. I'm so tired.
>think about blaming it on the universe being set against me
>decide it's counterproductive and decide to just work towards goals
>fail in the most improbable, yet lame ways
>rinse and repeat
I've just about have enough, and have been consciously pondering the implications of suicide for the past couple days. I'm so tired.
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forgot how miserable it is being sick, and im not even that sick, just dizzy and nauseous, but i can barely even sit at my pc
enjoy your health while you can wizzies, its only downhill from here
enjoy your health while you can wizzies, its only downhill from here
when I get pissed at my parents for daily annoyances I just have to remind myself that this is the price of being NEET.
Of course their DNA nature and nurture is what created this sperg who can't interact with normies at all and so has no choice but to neet for mental peace
Of course their DNA nature and nurture is what created this sperg who can't interact with normies at all and so has no choice but to neet for mental peace
Life is slow erosion. There is not one thing we can keep in life. A deep surrender is required. Kill whatever you love. Like putting down a sick dog before the inevitable comes.
>>275102
>There is not one thing we can keep in life. A deep surrender is required.
reminds me of a movie called revolver, and it was subtly allegorical about christianity. these two guys met the main character and told him "we saved your life once, the next time will not be free", and then they laid out the conditions for him to follow if he didnt want to be killed by the bad guys.
1. "we will bleed you dry, you will give us every penny you have got"
2. "you will do as we say without argument"
they told him after that he was running out of time, and that in reality he didnt have a choice. thats the crux of the matter, and it makes me think of when jesus said that you had to give up every one of your material possessions to be his disciple. it seems like a big thing to ask, but its either you give it to him, or you give it to death. you either follow him or follow death. later in the movie its made clear (well not really) that its the ego that you serve if you choose to delay giving everything up.
>There is not one thing we can keep in life. A deep surrender is required.
reminds me of a movie called revolver, and it was subtly allegorical about christianity. these two guys met the main character and told him "we saved your life once, the next time will not be free", and then they laid out the conditions for him to follow if he didnt want to be killed by the bad guys.
1. "we will bleed you dry, you will give us every penny you have got"
2. "you will do as we say without argument"
they told him after that he was running out of time, and that in reality he didnt have a choice. thats the crux of the matter, and it makes me think of when jesus said that you had to give up every one of your material possessions to be his disciple. it seems like a big thing to ask, but its either you give it to him, or you give it to death. you either follow him or follow death. later in the movie its made clear (well not really) that its the ego that you serve if you choose to delay giving everything up.
>>275118
All religions reach the same spiritual truths, but they phrase them in different ways. And yes, you're right. It's best to let go before it's taken away.
All religions reach the same spiritual truths, but they phrase them in different ways. And yes, you're right. It's best to let go before it's taken away.
I am an emotionally restrained shell so disconnected from reality everything feels the same even when it's different. Is this how people become degenerates? A desire for novelty? I'm pathetic. Not even a person
Congratulations, Miley Cyrus, you can love yourself better than I can to no. 1 in like 50 weekly charts.
Now I can stop taking your song seriously and move on mu' self XP.
Now I can stop taking your song seriously and move on mu' self XP.
I had a driving test scheduled yesterday, but it was raining, so I didn't go. I have one in one week. Its going to be one more week of agony. I have a long list of things I need to do desperately, that I need to be able to drive for.
I hate when my sister comes to visit and she talks about all the sex the youths around her are having, like now this harem lord in an open relationship that has multiple succubi
>>275282
I think sex is more fair now than its ever been. There is no more randomness and beer. Everyone on Tinder is paired up with what their looks deserve.
I think sex is more fair now than its ever been. There is no more randomness and beer. Everyone on Tinder is paired up with what their looks deserve.
I feel at the lowest of my low today. I look at my future and I only see a lot of misery and regret. I think I'm gonna wrap up things soon enough. I can't deal with this pain for much longer.
>>275298
I feel the same. I'm at the age where I feel like I've lived long enough. Impossible to start over, everyday is just another reminder that I'm living a fucking dogshit version of who I could have been.
I feel the same. I'm at the age where I feel like I've lived long enough. Impossible to start over, everyday is just another reminder that I'm living a fucking dogshit version of who I could have been.
Do the following thought patterns fall into any definition of mental illness?
>Never asked anyone for help, do not think anyone would care to help me
>Never initiated any social interaction, do not think anyone would want to spend time with me
>Never asked anyone for help, do not think anyone would care to help me
>Never initiated any social interaction, do not think anyone would want to spend time with me
>>275306
Would probably be characterized as low self-esteem, if you have this kind of pattern of always devaluing yourself and the expectation that others look down on you. These could also be adaptive thoughts, since you might very well be in a hostile environment where you are treated like dirt and shouldn't expect help from anyone.
Would probably be characterized as low self-esteem, if you have this kind of pattern of always devaluing yourself and the expectation that others look down on you. These could also be adaptive thoughts, since you might very well be in a hostile environment where you are treated like dirt and shouldn't expect help from anyone.
>>275306
Attachment style is a common claim, that if you didn’t have a secure upbringing you will not seek external help or support. Often it’s used for married couples and other normie stuff, but it’s a theory about why some people don’t treat the external world as a source of pain. Generally they claim it’s misattribution of past situations and one should delineate this situation isn’t the same as being a kid/young, or it’s a space designated to find help.
Attachment style is a common claim, that if you didn’t have a secure upbringing you will not seek external help or support. Often it’s used for married couples and other normie stuff, but it’s a theory about why some people don’t treat the external world as a source of pain. Generally they claim it’s misattribution of past situations and one should delineate this situation isn’t the same as being a kid/young, or it’s a space designated to find help.
>>275306
That falls into several categories so you'd have to go deeper and figure out more about why that is.
That falls into several categories so you'd have to go deeper and figure out more about why that is.
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Suicide is the answer and has been for decades. It's only getting closer
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>>275298
Same here. I'm feeling an unbearable emptiness. I don't know how far I'm going to go like this.
Same here. I'm feeling an unbearable emptiness. I don't know how far I'm going to go like this.
Time is just a blur to me.
Hours, days, weeks, months go by and I don't feel like I experienced it, I'm only reminded when someone else tells me about it. I look at stuff like videos from 2013 and I could have sworn we were near that time or something. Instead we're 10 years in the future. I feel like my life just doesn't change, so I was doing the exact same thing then that I am doing right now. It just doesn't mean anything to me anymore, it's just numbers, I don't experience it passing by like a normal person, it just does in a way where it doesn't even make any sense to me. There's songs released 10 years ago and I'm like wow this is new. It's retarded, my memory is also not very good anymore and I get confused about things someone my age shouldn't have been confused about. Seems like my brain has deteriorated fast for some reason, and now I'm like 40 in my mind. I don't care for much, I don't want much, there's no drive to do things anymore, it doesn't capture me in a way that might have happened before. It just doesn't matter to me. I look in the mirror and I see an adult, but I feel like a child in some aspects, like I never experienced some of the things it takes for a person to mature in a healthy way. I'm immature in some ways, but in other ways I feel older than I actually am.
Hours, days, weeks, months go by and I don't feel like I experienced it, I'm only reminded when someone else tells me about it. I look at stuff like videos from 2013 and I could have sworn we were near that time or something. Instead we're 10 years in the future. I feel like my life just doesn't change, so I was doing the exact same thing then that I am doing right now. It just doesn't mean anything to me anymore, it's just numbers, I don't experience it passing by like a normal person, it just does in a way where it doesn't even make any sense to me. There's songs released 10 years ago and I'm like wow this is new. It's retarded, my memory is also not very good anymore and I get confused about things someone my age shouldn't have been confused about. Seems like my brain has deteriorated fast for some reason, and now I'm like 40 in my mind. I don't care for much, I don't want much, there's no drive to do things anymore, it doesn't capture me in a way that might have happened before. It just doesn't matter to me. I look in the mirror and I see an adult, but I feel like a child in some aspects, like I never experienced some of the things it takes for a person to mature in a healthy way. I'm immature in some ways, but in other ways I feel older than I actually am.
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>>273773
I am not human, in any way. I am some weird kind of entity that flows around realities, sometimes attached to an interface, sometimes not. In my case, it is clear, I have to leave this interface, my human body, which they call it. I am repulsed by that disgusting piece of non-sensical mechianisms. All life is suffering, remember this! Anxiety gets more an more place every day inside of me, until everything is gone ultimately and I have hanged myself. hahahahhhahah. That's it, hahaha, I will hang myself and end this hell and those memories that I drag with me everywhere I go. haha
I am not human, in any way. I am some weird kind of entity that flows around realities, sometimes attached to an interface, sometimes not. In my case, it is clear, I have to leave this interface, my human body, which they call it. I am repulsed by that disgusting piece of non-sensical mechianisms. All life is suffering, remember this! Anxiety gets more an more place every day inside of me, until everything is gone ultimately and I have hanged myself. hahahahhhahah. That's it, hahaha, I will hang myself and end this hell and those memories that I drag with me everywhere I go. haha
A decade ago I lost a friend he was what you cunts would call a "nigger" (though his knee never grr'ed).
>>275425
There’s a lot of users here who aren’t racist, we want nothing but peace for all wizzies. Your picture was deleted but I take your post as sincere, and wish your friend peace and wish you the best.
There’s a lot of users here who aren’t racist, we want nothing but peace for all wizzies. Your picture was deleted but I take your post as sincere, and wish your friend peace and wish you the best.
I've spent years in the multiverse of fiction fueled by food and drugs. Completely out of it everyday, best years of my life. Avoidance, creating your own world beats the wageslave pathetic being i've become. How i wish i could become that godlike entity again wandering the planes, alas i've sold my soul to become a beggar of life, begging for scraps of escapism. It's not worth it.
Broke another chair with my fat ass
Oh well
This one I can fix and make stronger
Fat wiz down at the workshop
Making seats for an ass so big
Oh well
This one I can fix and make stronger
Fat wiz down at the workshop
Making seats for an ass so big
theres something fundamentally wrong with me and always have been. you dont change completely as a person so whoever you are as a child will likely always be there. I have too many weird mental issues to live a normal life.
My hair is going gray and my hands are looking old, wrinkles and skin texture where there wasn’t before. My body is starting to match my worn out mind, hopefully it’ll start falling apart soon.
>>275437
Shit I feel the same. There’s always been something seriously wrong with me as a kid. It makes me fundamentally different from people who are successful. They’ll never realize just how lucky they were.
Shit I feel the same. There’s always been something seriously wrong with me as a kid. It makes me fundamentally different from people who are successful. They’ll never realize just how lucky they were.
>>275437
i was a carefree normie as a kid but then during puberty a switch flipped and i became super self conscious of my looks and poverty and felt like there is a clear border between normal people and me that i will never be able to cross and thats how i spiraled into depression and isolation like a self fulfilling prophecy
having relationships, getting a drivers license, being capable of providing value people are willing to pay you for, having my own place… all these things seemed alien then and still are
i was a carefree normie as a kid but then during puberty a switch flipped and i became super self conscious of my looks and poverty and felt like there is a clear border between normal people and me that i will never be able to cross and thats how i spiraled into depression and isolation like a self fulfilling prophecy
having relationships, getting a drivers license, being capable of providing value people are willing to pay you for, having my own place… all these things seemed alien then and still are
>>274982
good luck with that. i've been wishing i could suicide since like 2016 but its too hard so ill never do it. just going to have to suffer here
good luck with that. i've been wishing i could suicide since like 2016 but its too hard so ill never do it. just going to have to suffer here
I dont want to admit..I DIDNT want to admit it but anime\comics really have fucked up my life (early-mid teens) and part of adulthood. I thought it was a meme about anime rotting your brain but its true.
Any tips or liners on how to limit anime "intake", avoid discussing it with other people\avoid the communities, etc? 2 hours a day of anime, and no extra activities?
I hate all the shipping -specially the yaoi, succubi ship even a murderer and his victim- , I hate the p0rn doujin industry and the "character x reader" wattpad shits
Any tips or liners on how to limit anime "intake", avoid discussing it with other people\avoid the communities, etc? 2 hours a day of anime, and no extra activities?
I hate all the shipping -specially the yaoi, succubi ship even a murderer and his victim- , I hate the p0rn doujin industry and the "character x reader" wattpad shits
It is of my interest that the current state persists, if everyone stopped being miserable that would mean better standards for everyone, and i would be forced out of my convenient position.
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What I find funny is how I did try to fix my life. I tried therapy, medication, exercise, making friends etc but nothing ever stuck. My "friends" all stopped talking to me, the medication did nothing, exercise didn't elevate my mood. Then I got sick, the treatment caused memory loss and damaged my eyesight, and now I'm 30 and a NEET.
I tried. I really did try but all I got was a torrent of shit poured on my head.
I tried. I really did try but all I got was a torrent of shit poured on my head.
>>275491
When I was young I was too proud for psych help, and then I hit rock bottom and felt I couldn't be fixed. There was never that moment where I admitted my flaws but had hope of fixing them.
I sometimes ponder what psych help could have done for me, without any desire to every pursue it in person.
I wonder if you could explain what therapy was like and why it failed you
When I was young I was too proud for psych help, and then I hit rock bottom and felt I couldn't be fixed. There was never that moment where I admitted my flaws but had hope of fixing them.
I sometimes ponder what psych help could have done for me, without any desire to every pursue it in person.
I wonder if you could explain what therapy was like and why it failed you
After more than 2 months of being unable to swallow solid food, I'm finally going to go to the doctor to check it out. Told my mom about it and she freaked out and started gaslighting me about being a hypochondriac. This is why I just stay silent and don't tell her about my health problems.
My GP is probably going to tell me fuck all and just schedule a bunch of tests and tell me I'm mentally ill and there's nothing wrong with my throat. Still, I have to know at least. Worried it might be some beginning stage of cancer or MS or some kind of incurable shit that's just going to make my existence worse than it already is.
I used to enjoy food, but now it's a chore and constant reminder that something is wrong with me. Life just constantly gets worse…
My GP is probably going to tell me fuck all and just schedule a bunch of tests and tell me I'm mentally ill and there's nothing wrong with my throat. Still, I have to know at least. Worried it might be some beginning stage of cancer or MS or some kind of incurable shit that's just going to make my existence worse than it already is.
I used to enjoy food, but now it's a chore and constant reminder that something is wrong with me. Life just constantly gets worse…
>>275473
i managed to get a learner's permit at 16, got a real driver's license a year later. didn't have my own car until recently.
now i just have to figure out the 'having relationships' part. not sure if getting my own place is a requirement for that. even though i can work and drive i still feel inadequate.
i managed to get a learner's permit at 16, got a real driver's license a year later. didn't have my own car until recently.
now i just have to figure out the 'having relationships' part. not sure if getting my own place is a requirement for that. even though i can work and drive i still feel inadequate.
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I fucking hate having a body, having a consciousness, a self and everything that this shitty subhuman have that is a burden, i hate being awake and also hate being asleep. I'm tired and i just want nothing, no mind, no time, no place.
My dream is live in the void.
My dream is live in the void.
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>>273773
>keep getting dating advice on all my recommended despite not having interests
>"succubi want this, succubi want that"
I don't care what they want I want to be left alone
>keep getting dating advice on all my recommended despite not having interests
>"succubi want this, succubi want that"
I don't care what they want I want to be left alone
>>275539
Same, I get tinder ads and all these videos like "How you can fuck her brains out" it's starting to piss me off especially since I don't even look for that stuff.
Same, I get tinder ads and all these videos like "How you can fuck her brains out" it's starting to piss me off especially since I don't even look for that stuff.
>>275540
Yeah
I don't CARE what they like, and it's not like I could just magically become it even if I did, your shitty courses have never helped a single person
Yeah
I don't CARE what they like, and it's not like I could just magically become it even if I did, your shitty courses have never helped a single person
>>275492
Therapy involved two different people. My Therapist proper and a psychiatrist who prescribed me medication. The Therapist involved me in discussions about my depression and anxiety related issues.
Like I said the medication didn't work (and it took me forever to discontinue it. I had withdrawals for months) and the therapy itself involved just a conversation about how I was feeling, what I am doing to be improve my situation, and then advice from the therapist. The advice was always just normalfag stuff like
1. start a diary
2. write down a list of things you want to accomplish
3. exercise
4. Focus on "being in the moment" (mindfulness)
Of course that shit doesn't work. I don't think therapy is 100% useless but it's more of a palliative thing. If you're a normal person going through a "rough patch" it can tide you over until things get better on their own. For terminally fucked people it's like band-aids on a broken femur.
Therapy involved two different people. My Therapist proper and a psychiatrist who prescribed me medication. The Therapist involved me in discussions about my depression and anxiety related issues.
Like I said the medication didn't work (and it took me forever to discontinue it. I had withdrawals for months) and the therapy itself involved just a conversation about how I was feeling, what I am doing to be improve my situation, and then advice from the therapist. The advice was always just normalfag stuff like
1. start a diary
2. write down a list of things you want to accomplish
3. exercise
4. Focus on "being in the moment" (mindfulness)
Of course that shit doesn't work. I don't think therapy is 100% useless but it's more of a palliative thing. If you're a normal person going through a "rough patch" it can tide you over until things get better on their own. For terminally fucked people it's like band-aids on a broken femur.
>>275544
Therapy is for normies who have light sources of unhappiness in their lives they think are a disorder. Most people who are depper fall into this category believe it or not.
It's basically just a surrogate pay-to-talk friend who simulates social activity. Join a social club, lift, go outside, and raise dopamine levels
Therapy is for normies who have light sources of unhappiness in their lives they think are a disorder. Most people who are depper fall into this category believe it or not.
It's basically just a surrogate pay-to-talk friend who simulates social activity. Join a social club, lift, go outside, and raise dopamine levels
>>275544
Geenieboppers and Seenieboppers are the problem. Dobbum me schizophrenia sandwich IQ reduction sandtard eat flesh of children. Gollum goose nigger.
Geenieboppers and Seenieboppers are the problem. Dobbum me schizophrenia sandwich IQ reduction sandtard eat flesh of children. Gollum goose nigger.
>>275543
Yeah maybe if they think I'm a spinster I won't get those "DOMINATE HER AND BE THE ALPHA YOU WERE BORN TO BE" shit
Yeah maybe if they think I'm a spinster I won't get those "DOMINATE HER AND BE THE ALPHA YOU WERE BORN TO BE" shit
>>275560
No anon, you should be the alpha you were born to be and dominate spinsters instead
No anon, you should be the alpha you were born to be and dominate spinsters instead
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due to an odd set of circumstances, I now own 3 cellphones, 2 laptops and 2 old shitty PC.
Can I, a NEET, use my (huge amount) of free time, plus my callousness and lack of morals or scruples, to turn this items into a Fraud Money ring?
clicksense stuff ;recruiting indians and nigerians, making 10 accounts in each device (TOR+ proton so I dont get banned)and referring the prime account to every other else…do I have a shot at this?
Can I, a NEET, use my (huge amount) of free time, plus my callousness and lack of morals or scruples, to turn this items into a Fraud Money ring?
clicksense stuff ;recruiting indians and nigerians, making 10 accounts in each device (TOR+ proton so I dont get banned)and referring the prime account to every other else…do I have a shot at this?
>>275618
Honestly just try to randomly learn a skill or study anything. Life is so fucking boring when you have nothing to do but fap and browse imageboards.
Honestly just try to randomly learn a skill or study anything. Life is so fucking boring when you have nothing to do but fap and browse imageboards.
I spent my whole life blaming my parents upbringing for all my problems.
And now my brother's gf sent a postcard to my mom thanking her for bringing up a man of integrity.
My brother was a late bloomer himself, at least as far as I knew. So that made it easier to blame my parents, and just see myself as the more extreme outcome on the same spectrum.
And now my brother's gf sent a postcard to my mom thanking her for bringing up a man of integrity.
My brother was a late bloomer himself, at least as far as I knew. So that made it easier to blame my parents, and just see myself as the more extreme outcome on the same spectrum.
>>275622
I try anon. I do. But every single time I just get bored. Intensely bored, and forcing myself through doesn't change that. Recently I worked a quarter of a way through a math textbook before just shutting it. Lemma after boring lemma after boring proof after boring exercise that I don't give a shit about.
I try anon. I do. But every single time I just get bored. Intensely bored, and forcing myself through doesn't change that. Recently I worked a quarter of a way through a math textbook before just shutting it. Lemma after boring lemma after boring proof after boring exercise that I don't give a shit about.
I don't know how much more living I can really take. I don't want to die, not only because I'm scared of it and pain, but I want to live out of both spite and a faint hope that I will someday get to a point of peace of mind. But that hope is so distant it may as well be impossible. I don't know what to keep going for. Drugs suck, food sucks, books suck, movies suck, people suck, video games suck, the outside sucks, the inside sucks. Everything is just a monumental effort for no reward. Just the baseline is too much.
>>275640
I feel you, most skills I try to pick up on is boring shit I don't care about. I'll probably be stuck in a dead min wage job for the rest of my life because I can't be bother finding a shitty stressful career.
I feel you, most skills I try to pick up on is boring shit I don't care about. I'll probably be stuck in a dead min wage job for the rest of my life because I can't be bother finding a shitty stressful career.
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As I get older and my quality of life keeps dropping, all while watching others get better, I cannot help but feel this monster Crab growing inside me. I feel genuine joy when I see tragedy strike others, even if they're Anons or fellow "wizards". I don't know what to do, burying my head in the sand is not an option. Improving myself is not an option really, if anything I'm sure I'd use whatever power and knowledge I gain to make others miserable. Outright lashing out is obviously not an option either for legal reasons.
What should I do? I fear for my and others lives because I know where this mentality is heading towards to. To keep living with this much resentment is hell. I know what went wrong, but it is way too late to fix that.
What should I do? I fear for my and others lives because I know where this mentality is heading towards to. To keep living with this much resentment is hell. I know what went wrong, but it is way too late to fix that.
particularly bad day for me. I want to cry but I sense that it won't make anything better so I hold back my tears. still not enough to make me take my life, but it's been a while since I craved it to end so badly.
>>275666
It is no use comparing yourself to normal people for they are different creatures. Focus on yourself and your own situation. How is your quality of life decreasing exactly?
It is no use comparing yourself to normal people for they are different creatures. Focus on yourself and your own situation. How is your quality of life decreasing exactly?
I think the feeling of powerlessness is what really drives my sanity to the mental guillotine. Knowing that I can't be functional. Can't make any real money. Can't go where I want. Do what I want. And I'm 100% dependent on other people.
>>275682
Money and physical strength is the new powers of the modern world. Lift like hell and make as much money as you can, things are gonna get a lot worse.
Money and physical strength is the new powers of the modern world. Lift like hell and make as much money as you can, things are gonna get a lot worse.
>>275668
Even imageboard people are normal compared to me. They always have at least one of these
>high intelligence
>lots of money and or a good job
>autistically passionate about their interests
>good looks and good health
>a loving family and lifelong friends
I have literally none of that. I cannot improve my situation because poverty is causing me become depressed about my grim prospects of wageslaving for pennies, and now my health keeps getting worse. I think I have IBS, sort of. Well it started with abdominal pain. Now it's severe fatigue, palpitations, joint pain and cold sweats. Uninsured so my family paid out of pocket and doctor said I'm fine. It may be psychosomatic. Imagine being a loser amongst losers. Imagine that.
>feeling of powerlessness is what really drives my sanity to the mental guillotine. Knowing that I can't be functional
This might have been what triggered my mental and physical decline. One day I was on my daily walk, and began feeling tired. Came home and slept. Next day I felt more tired. Eventually started having panic attacks. Knowing I could not depend on a family that dislikes me and doesn't care about me. Knowing it was 100% over for me. Eat your damn veggies anon, please.
Even imageboard people are normal compared to me. They always have at least one of these
>high intelligence
>lots of money and or a good job
>autistically passionate about their interests
>good looks and good health
>a loving family and lifelong friends
I have literally none of that. I cannot improve my situation because poverty is causing me become depressed about my grim prospects of wageslaving for pennies, and now my health keeps getting worse. I think I have IBS, sort of. Well it started with abdominal pain. Now it's severe fatigue, palpitations, joint pain and cold sweats. Uninsured so my family paid out of pocket and doctor said I'm fine. It may be psychosomatic. Imagine being a loser amongst losers. Imagine that.
>feeling of powerlessness is what really drives my sanity to the mental guillotine. Knowing that I can't be functional
This might have been what triggered my mental and physical decline. One day I was on my daily walk, and began feeling tired. Came home and slept. Next day I felt more tired. Eventually started having panic attacks. Knowing I could not depend on a family that dislikes me and doesn't care about me. Knowing it was 100% over for me. Eat your damn veggies anon, please.
>>275688
your high opinion of the average imageboard user is humorous, not only is it unfounded but the reality is opposite
your high opinion of the average imageboard user is humorous, not only is it unfounded but the reality is opposite
>>275688
family paid out of pocket…
Hey, they obviously care about you a bit. Focus on your good points also. Stay strong bro!
family paid out of pocket…
Hey, they obviously care about you a bit. Focus on your good points also. Stay strong bro!
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>>275692
Literally this. I ate vegetables, took my multivitamins, limited sweets and pastries, ate fresh fish for protein.
I still got cancer.
Now I just focus on eating whatever tastes good and I don't care if I die of cardiac arrest. I eat at least 8000kcal of cakes, chocolates, pizza, hamburgers, fries and ice cream daily.
Literally this. I ate vegetables, took my multivitamins, limited sweets and pastries, ate fresh fish for protein.
I still got cancer.
Now I just focus on eating whatever tastes good and I don't care if I die of cardiac arrest. I eat at least 8000kcal of cakes, chocolates, pizza, hamburgers, fries and ice cream daily.
>>275695
A healthy life style decreases your chances of disease, it doesn't turn them into an impossible event. Doesn't matter what you do, as long as your metabolism is active and cellular processes occur, disease is not a statistical impossibility.
That said, I'm sorry you got cancer anon.
A healthy life style decreases your chances of disease, it doesn't turn them into an impossible event. Doesn't matter what you do, as long as your metabolism is active and cellular processes occur, disease is not a statistical impossibility.
That said, I'm sorry you got cancer anon.
>>275696
I understand that anon. You have no "contract" with life. Nothing is guaranteed and all lines end with Death. Why not enjoy yourself? sure, you will die 10 years earlier, but sources of joy are rare. Enjoy what you can
I understand that anon. You have no "contract" with life. Nothing is guaranteed and all lines end with Death. Why not enjoy yourself? sure, you will die 10 years earlier, but sources of joy are rare. Enjoy what you can
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he was only a wizard
but one more is gone
leaving his body to sing his sad song
but one more is gone
leaving his body to sing his sad song
>>275689
It isn't unfounded, /dep/ is the exception to the rule. Read other boards, and mainstream imageboards and you will confirm what I'm saying. It's not hard to believe people who fill at least one criteria of that list are common to run into, because if you have zero of that then the only motivation for posting ie. whining and venting quickly loses its charm.
>>275692
>>275695
I'm sorry Anons. It'd have been worse without a healthy lifestyle don't you think? I myself was a smoker for over ten years, I felt so much healthier when I went through pack a day, also walked +10km everyday back then, can hardly get out of bed now. There are a few smoking paradoxes, like people getting cancer or hypertension or hypothyroidism after quitting. not that it matters to me anymore.
It isn't unfounded, /dep/ is the exception to the rule. Read other boards, and mainstream imageboards and you will confirm what I'm saying. It's not hard to believe people who fill at least one criteria of that list are common to run into, because if you have zero of that then the only motivation for posting ie. whining and venting quickly loses its charm.
>>275692
>>275695
I'm sorry Anons. It'd have been worse without a healthy lifestyle don't you think? I myself was a smoker for over ten years, I felt so much healthier when I went through pack a day, also walked +10km everyday back then, can hardly get out of bed now. There are a few smoking paradoxes, like people getting cancer or hypertension or hypothyroidism after quitting. not that it matters to me anymore.
>>275708
A had a period where I used to smoke pipes but started inhaling that shit into my lungs and my resting BPM went up ~20 and I really felt a 40% reduction in my ability to live. Many grams of tobacco per day.
That lasted around 3 weeks before I finally woke up and quit.
What the fuck was wrong with me. Felt like I'd be dead within 5 - 10 years if I kept that shit up.
A had a period where I used to smoke pipes but started inhaling that shit into my lungs and my resting BPM went up ~20 and I really felt a 40% reduction in my ability to live. Many grams of tobacco per day.
That lasted around 3 weeks before I finally woke up and quit.
What the fuck was wrong with me. Felt like I'd be dead within 5 - 10 years if I kept that shit up.
>>275695
Vegetables are full of pesticides, multivitamins are full of harmful chemicals and fish is full of mercury. It's hard to avoid food that doesn't make you sick.
Vegetables are full of pesticides, multivitamins are full of harmful chemicals and fish is full of mercury. It's hard to avoid food that doesn't make you sick.
>>275709
>What the fuck was wrong with me
Not a lot to be honest. Pipe tobacco, like cigars is not meant to be inhaled. It is thick enough that it clogs up your alveoli or something so the increase in heart rate is expected, plus the nicotines effect.
>>275717
This is true too. I never understood the hysteria around cigarette smoke. It's not like we're not ingesting as much chemicals from other sources. Some people handle it better than others, turns out a healthy liver is extremely important for detox and therefore good health. Sauna users tend to be healthier as well.
Sardines would be a good exception to that
>What the fuck was wrong with me
Not a lot to be honest. Pipe tobacco, like cigars is not meant to be inhaled. It is thick enough that it clogs up your alveoli or something so the increase in heart rate is expected, plus the nicotines effect.
>>275717
This is true too. I never understood the hysteria around cigarette smoke. It's not like we're not ingesting as much chemicals from other sources. Some people handle it better than others, turns out a healthy liver is extremely important for detox and therefore good health. Sauna users tend to be healthier as well.
Sardines would be a good exception to that
I wanna kill myself. Dont really have words to describe it anymore. This world disgusts me. I feel only disgust.
You hear about this death shit
You just stop living
Man why nobody tell me about that
You can do it to yourself man
Yeah
I ain’t kidding
I can stop myself living right now
And this shit ends
Woo
I know what I’m doing tonight after dinner
You just stop living
Man why nobody tell me about that
You can do it to yourself man
Yeah
I ain’t kidding
I can stop myself living right now
And this shit ends
Woo
I know what I’m doing tonight after dinner
Not really depression related, but sometimes I'm glad I'm a virgin, I skip so much relationship and other bullshit that I'm basically immune to it's pretty amazing.
My cousin got dumper by his gf, they had been going for 3 years and she dumped him after spending a fuckton of money on her, he wanted to marry too, it's over and all that goes to waste.
My coworker that is younger than me got infected with human papillomavirus because the retard had unprotected sex or some shit.
They both talked to me about this and I was just thinking "Whoa I'm glad that I'm basically immune to this shit" we really dodge bullets without even realizing it.
My cousin got dumper by his gf, they had been going for 3 years and she dumped him after spending a fuckton of money on her, he wanted to marry too, it's over and all that goes to waste.
My coworker that is younger than me got infected with human papillomavirus because the retard had unprotected sex or some shit.
They both talked to me about this and I was just thinking "Whoa I'm glad that I'm basically immune to this shit" we really dodge bullets without even realizing it.
Workmen in my house that I’ve been too tired to clean, depression dirty floors. Bad feelings
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>>275736
They've probably seen it all. They're jaded by this point
They've probably seen it all. They're jaded by this point
>>275747
They have. I've been a property manager before. I've hired contractors for things I couldn't do myself. I've had contractors walk in annanounced due to landlords that didn't think they ought to warn me first.
It's not their problem. Could be yours if you have a landlord and the landlord doesn't like how bad the place has gotten, but if you've not been a bum tenant then getting it cleand up and keeping it clean is often easier than finding a new tenant who might be even worse, depending on the market.
They have. I've been a property manager before. I've hired contractors for things I couldn't do myself. I've had contractors walk in annanounced due to landlords that didn't think they ought to warn me first.
It's not their problem. Could be yours if you have a landlord and the landlord doesn't like how bad the place has gotten, but if you've not been a bum tenant then getting it cleand up and keeping it clean is often easier than finding a new tenant who might be even worse, depending on the market.
>>275509
Went to the doctor and they couldn't even do the exam properly. The last part where she's supposed to look down my throat triggers my gag reflex. Annoying part was her acting like it's my fault as if she doesn't know what an involuntary reflex is and I'm just being a baby that can't tolerate a metal rod in my throat. Told me to come back tomorrow but fuck it. Was a waste of fucking time, just asked me if I had pains while swallowing and I don't, so 99% sure it's psychosomatic.
Guess the only thing left is to get used to eating pudding for the rest of my pathetic life…
Went to the doctor and they couldn't even do the exam properly. The last part where she's supposed to look down my throat triggers my gag reflex. Annoying part was her acting like it's my fault as if she doesn't know what an involuntary reflex is and I'm just being a baby that can't tolerate a metal rod in my throat. Told me to come back tomorrow but fuck it. Was a waste of fucking time, just asked me if I had pains while swallowing and I don't, so 99% sure it's psychosomatic.
Guess the only thing left is to get used to eating pudding for the rest of my pathetic life…
I don't know why I fear letting other people down so much. I really just don't want to disappoint anyone and I feel terribly if I may have done so. I suppose my nature is just that of a door mat.
how do i get out of bed? 90% of my life is spent rotting in bed, the other 10% is just browsing imageboards. i have no idea how people find things they like or things they are interested in. it is completely alien to me.
>>275639
It's an extremely embarrassing feel. All of my siblings are successful and in long term relationships and I can't even hold down a mcwagie job.
It's an extremely embarrassing feel. All of my siblings are successful and in long term relationships and I can't even hold down a mcwagie job.
I just deleted 12tb of porn collected over a course of 3-4 years. Femdom and Onlyfans absolutely impacted my mental health and i just had to get out. In the past i watched vanilla porn and got 5-10 min and i was done but with this new kind of porn you are edging,gooning for fucking hours. The pleasure is immense, but the crash and dopamine instability is hellish. I'm glad i did it. I want to do a reboot of my brain before i even think of doing normal fapping. If i ever go back to porn, it will be quick in and out vanilla and no crackcocainefemdomonlyfans. But for now i'm done as i feel not in control anymore. Fucking evil shit (for me).
>>276020
Well falls under vanilla porn for me, doesn't give me that rush.I need to detox/reboot so vanilla becomes interesting again but honestly i just want out.
Well falls under vanilla porn for me, doesn't give me that rush.I need to detox/reboot so vanilla becomes interesting again but honestly i just want out.
I fucking hate how me being tired and anxious all the time makes it impossible to improve. I considered trying out supplements but just researching supplements with all the bullshitting that is going on from companies making them, health gurus trying to sell you their natural alternatives and overconfident internet experts giving out advice without having any medical knowledge made me so tired I gave up.
I also should exercise but going from a state of rest to physical exhaustion is not something I have the willpower to do. I can't even get myself to go to the supermarket that's just 100m away to satisfy food cravings.
I also should exercise but going from a state of rest to physical exhaustion is not something I have the willpower to do. I can't even get myself to go to the supermarket that's just 100m away to satisfy food cravings.
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>don't even have the energy to hate succubi or normies
Is this improvement?
Is this improvement?
>>276036
have you tried caffeine? i remember the first time i did it was like i was asleep for my entire life up until that point.
have you tried caffeine? i remember the first time i did it was like i was asleep for my entire life up until that point.
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>started playing Dragon's Dogma again after many years
>fell in love with the game all over again
>now it's all I do with my free time
>just got off work? time for DD
>no plans for the weekend? time for DD
>have errands I need to run? maybe after some DD
After about three weeks time, I'm already nearing 100 hours spent on the game, it seems to be nearly the only thing I enjoy anymore. I think a lot of it has to with the fact that I know well how terrible this world is and that it isn't going to get any better any time soon. So conjuring up any motivation to do anything more than bury myself in escapism feels like a near-herculean task.
>fell in love with the game all over again
>now it's all I do with my free time
>just got off work? time for DD
>no plans for the weekend? time for DD
>have errands I need to run? maybe after some DD
After about three weeks time, I'm already nearing 100 hours spent on the game, it seems to be nearly the only thing I enjoy anymore. I think a lot of it has to with the fact that I know well how terrible this world is and that it isn't going to get any better any time soon. So conjuring up any motivation to do anything more than bury myself in escapism feels like a near-herculean task.
>>274560
typical behavior from modern succubi. I have seen just SO MUCH succubi like that. Anyway I'm sorry for you brother. Looking back at your life you realize how obvious your fate would be.
typical behavior from modern succubi. I have seen just SO MUCH succubi like that. Anyway I'm sorry for you brother. Looking back at your life you realize how obvious your fate would be.
>>276043
of course
i drink coffee or/and energy drinks every day
but after a while it makes my head feel heavy and sluggish and doesnt give me energy anymore
also it makes me even more anxious leading to more avoidant behavior
of course
i drink coffee or/and energy drinks every day
but after a while it makes my head feel heavy and sluggish and doesnt give me energy anymore
also it makes me even more anxious leading to more avoidant behavior
>>276044
It feels good when you can enjoy something simple like a game. I can never stay in the groove long enough. after a day I get bored and anxious and I worry too much to enjoy the game
It feels good when you can enjoy something simple like a game. I can never stay in the groove long enough. after a day I get bored and anxious and I worry too much to enjoy the game
I am so fucking lonely holy shit. 32 years and not a single friend or even acquaintance since 20.
>>276077
I am relieved to have something that I enjoy, considering I've been teetering on the brink of full-fledged anhedonia for some time now. My only real problem with it is that it's consuming all of my free time to the point where I'm neither working on improving my life, nor advancing my plans for suicide. I'm stuck neither living nor dying as the clock ticks away. It could certainly be worse, but I'm just tired of this long-term rut of escapism and failure that has engulfed my entire adult life.
I am relieved to have something that I enjoy, considering I've been teetering on the brink of full-fledged anhedonia for some time now. My only real problem with it is that it's consuming all of my free time to the point where I'm neither working on improving my life, nor advancing my plans for suicide. I'm stuck neither living nor dying as the clock ticks away. It could certainly be worse, but I'm just tired of this long-term rut of escapism and failure that has engulfed my entire adult life.
I need a reason to live tonight, I have 3 bottles of meds and I want to die. Why should I stay alive?
>>276193
Stay alive because things could get better. Stay alive because you are a warrior, because all is not over and you still have things to do. And things will get better. When you're where you are (I have been there) things can get better.
Stay alive because things could get better. Stay alive because you are a warrior, because all is not over and you still have things to do. And things will get better. When you're where you are (I have been there) things can get better.
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