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Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
Previous: >>276114
Previous: >>276114
Why do people think money solves all problems? Even if I were a billionaire, I'd still be unhappy. My problem is spiritual.
>>277539
You could use that money to buy yourself a 24/7 spiritual teacher or maybe even several. You wouldn't have to work and you could focus solely on your spiritual journey and finding "happiness" whatever the fuck that means.
You could use that money to buy yourself a 24/7 spiritual teacher or maybe even several. You wouldn't have to work and you could focus solely on your spiritual journey and finding "happiness" whatever the fuck that means.
>>277539
Because it spares you the trouble of messing with all the wagecuck bullshit and other money-related problems.
Because it spares you the trouble of messing with all the wagecuck bullshit and other money-related problems.
crab hate should be a bannable offense, everyone so far who hates crabs was either non-virgin or female
My grand plan was that once I ran out of distractions I would become productive but what happened instead is that I just feel even more depressed and lonely and have even less energy to do stuff than I did when I spent 16 hours a day on imageboards when they were still novel to me.
>>277557
Normalfags really have it backwards. Productivity arises from mental wellness when they think it's the other way around. (In fact many normalfags truisms are like this, confusing cause and effect).
You can't force yourself to be productive. It's not a thing.
Normalfags really have it backwards. Productivity arises from mental wellness when they think it's the other way around. (In fact many normalfags truisms are like this, confusing cause and effect).
You can't force yourself to be productive. It's not a thing.
>>277539
Difference between levels of suffering. If you have money you are inoculated against many of the demands and external stressors of the world. If you’re a fucked up retard who keeps getting fired from jobs from fucking up in constant mental stress, getting welfare significantly improves your life.
If your poor life is just mediocre life that is equal to sitting at home doing nothing with money then you’re a lucky person in this world.
Difference between levels of suffering. If you have money you are inoculated against many of the demands and external stressors of the world. If you’re a fucked up retard who keeps getting fired from jobs from fucking up in constant mental stress, getting welfare significantly improves your life.
If your poor life is just mediocre life that is equal to sitting at home doing nothing with money then you’re a lucky person in this world.
I’m wearing a hat
I bought a hat
I’m a hat guy now
Always wearing a hat
Nearly went to sleep wearing it
I’m that much of a hat guy
I’m hoping
This hat really is the start of something new
Wearing a hat
No longer sad
Wearing a hat
I bought a hat
I’m a hat guy now
Always wearing a hat
Nearly went to sleep wearing it
I’m that much of a hat guy
I’m hoping
This hat really is the start of something new
Wearing a hat
No longer sad
Wearing a hat
As you get older as a wizard the problem of boredom becomes harder and harder to solve. I'm really banging my head against the wall trying to find anything to absorb my attention.
Can boredom be painful? Does any wizz know what I'm talking about? Like physically painful
Can boredom be painful? Does any wizz know what I'm talking about? Like physically painful
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>>277580
Yes, I've complained about boredom a couple of times here. I'm 25 and I've gained so much weight as of recently, because when I'm bored I just eat a lot for the dopamine rush or smoke a cigarette. A pack a day. Sometimes I read a book, but it's hard for me to finish one, because I get bored halfway through. I don't like music. I don't like games. I used to like movies, but I feel like I've already seen all the great ones.
Life is pretty fucking boring overall.
Yes, I've complained about boredom a couple of times here. I'm 25 and I've gained so much weight as of recently, because when I'm bored I just eat a lot for the dopamine rush or smoke a cigarette. A pack a day. Sometimes I read a book, but it's hard for me to finish one, because I get bored halfway through. I don't like music. I don't like games. I used to like movies, but I feel like I've already seen all the great ones.
Life is pretty fucking boring overall.
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>>277582
Why is it so difficult to satisfy us? Why does nothing, not books, games, music, or even God and Heaven and Hell push out this sense of infinite fatigue? I can't stand it wizzie. Even OPIOIDS bore the shit out of me now. I want something the universe just can't give me.
Why is it so difficult to satisfy us? Why does nothing, not books, games, music, or even God and Heaven and Hell push out this sense of infinite fatigue? I can't stand it wizzie. Even OPIOIDS bore the shit out of me now. I want something the universe just can't give me.
>>277588
the truth is that we are abandoned by god. we live in hell without god's grace so nothing can please us.
the truth is that we are abandoned by god. we live in hell without god's grace so nothing can please us.
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>>277588
Sometimes I wonder if the best outcome for us would be to never have been born. Everything seems so pointless and meaningless. Even the idea of Heaven seems stupid.
Sometimes I wonder if the best outcome for us would be to never have been born. Everything seems so pointless and meaningless. Even the idea of Heaven seems stupid.
I want so badly to take a needle or a knife or some sharp objects and stab them into various points of my skull and along the base of my neck. The pressure is driving me insane. Literally it's eroding my sanity
Years and years of it. In the last 15 years i can only recall a handful of occasions when the pressure went away. The relief is impossible to describe. Bliss beyond words.
I cant help but think if i put holes in my head then maybe the pressure will finally release, like air coming out of a ball.
And then theres my arms. I really want to slice off the skin there. Its also a thought ive had for years and years. This doesn't bother me nearly as much as the feeling of pressure behind my eyes, but its another strange thought that has persisted all these years. I know this is insane and of course if i did these things it probably will only cause me problems. But i cant stop wanting to do it anyways
Years and years of it. In the last 15 years i can only recall a handful of occasions when the pressure went away. The relief is impossible to describe. Bliss beyond words.
I cant help but think if i put holes in my head then maybe the pressure will finally release, like air coming out of a ball.
And then theres my arms. I really want to slice off the skin there. Its also a thought ive had for years and years. This doesn't bother me nearly as much as the feeling of pressure behind my eyes, but its another strange thought that has persisted all these years. I know this is insane and of course if i did these things it probably will only cause me problems. But i cant stop wanting to do it anyways
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>>277588
Even if humanity takes over the entire universe having a abundance of resources, they'll still be unsatisfied.
Even if humanity takes over the entire universe having a abundance of resources, they'll still be unsatisfied.
>>277597
i have it too. it's like my head is being squeezed by vises. don't know what to do with it. can't relax, can't think.
i have it too. it's like my head is being squeezed by vises. don't know what to do with it. can't relax, can't think.
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Found my reddit account from 7 years ago and I was complaining about the same issues I do now and asking how to get started on things I never did start with in 7 years.
I legit have a several year long hole in my memory of what I did all this time because I have no milestones of any kind. I have to go through my computer and look at the timestamps of images I saved from browsing and bookmarks to get some idea of what I was doing all these years.
This is just scary how you can live continuously every day and suddenly you don't remember what you did a few years ago. Is it time to start journaling? I just hate the idea of having all my intimate thoughts in a place where someone could access them.
I legit have a several year long hole in my memory of what I did all this time because I have no milestones of any kind. I have to go through my computer and look at the timestamps of images I saved from browsing and bookmarks to get some idea of what I was doing all these years.
This is just scary how you can live continuously every day and suddenly you don't remember what you did a few years ago. Is it time to start journaling? I just hate the idea of having all my intimate thoughts in a place where someone could access them.
Another weekend alone in my room. 30 years old. Curtains drawn, no lights. This cannot be normal.
If only someone had pointed out to me when I was 16 that it wasn't normal. That maybe I could do better, and that I had something I could offer.
If they had pointed out that if everyone else could do it, why couldn't I.
Fuck my life. Joyless.
If only someone had pointed out to me when I was 16 that it wasn't normal. That maybe I could do better, and that I had something I could offer.
If they had pointed out that if everyone else could do it, why couldn't I.
Fuck my life. Joyless.
>>277612
complaining about not being normal on an imageboard in which normalfag is one of the most commonly used insults may not be the wisest thing to do
complaining about not being normal on an imageboard in which normalfag is one of the most commonly used insults may not be the wisest thing to do
>>277612
I'm nearly three years older than, and in pretty much the same position… Yeah, just looking back to my mid teens when I dropped out and got focused on the internet, one can almost draw a direct line back to the present.
Maybe it's just inflexible thinking always leading me back to the same position. Pretty ingrained now though, of course.
I'm nearly three years older than, and in pretty much the same position… Yeah, just looking back to my mid teens when I dropped out and got focused on the internet, one can almost draw a direct line back to the present.
Maybe it's just inflexible thinking always leading me back to the same position. Pretty ingrained now though, of course.
>>277611
I journal quite often, but tear up what I've written once I get to a full book mostly. For some kind of illusory fresh start. But in this way I still think it helps me with memory and organisation. A bit. etc.
I journal quite often, but tear up what I've written once I get to a full book mostly. For some kind of illusory fresh start. But in this way I still think it helps me with memory and organisation. A bit. etc.
>>277593
Right now I'm on drugs I actively dislike just because they create a chance in my conscious experience, a tiny reprieve from boredom.
Right now I'm on drugs I actively dislike just because they create a chance in my conscious experience, a tiny reprieve from boredom.
Neighbor telling all other neighbors about my noises and habits
The only way to feel safe and home now is to imagine all of them to be NPCs
The only way to feel safe and home now is to imagine all of them to be NPCs
>>277680
Had the same shit happening to me with gossipy and nosy neighbours, even heard them talk shit once. I'm way more cautious since them and always expect some asshole to hear me.
Had the same shit happening to me with gossipy and nosy neighbours, even heard them talk shit once. I'm way more cautious since them and always expect some asshole to hear me.
>>277679
Are third world wizards evidence that working and lack of welfare won't give you more drive?
I heard people say "of course you're depressed if you sit at home all day doing nothing" and offer working as a way to bring structure in your day and give some sense of accomplishment and train resilience but is it all a bunch of crap?
Are third world wizards evidence that working and lack of welfare won't give you more drive?
I heard people say "of course you're depressed if you sit at home all day doing nothing" and offer working as a way to bring structure in your day and give some sense of accomplishment and train resilience but is it all a bunch of crap?
>>277692
>Are third world wizards evidence that working and lack of welfare won't give you more drive?
Third world countries are different and can't be compared to western standards.
>Are third world wizards evidence that working and lack of welfare won't give you more drive?
Third world countries are different and can't be compared to western standards.
Being a wizard on a shit hole 3rd world country is more difficult because you don't have any support.
If you go to a hospital on the US or some other decent country and tell them that you're depressed or you want to kill yourself you may be able to get some help or even neetbux, if you do that on a shit hole they will laugh at you, they won't care or they will arrest you or something.
There's no real neetbux here, if you're lucky enough to get money it's like $80 or so a month.
If you go to a hospital on the US or some other decent country and tell them that you're depressed or you want to kill yourself you may be able to get some help or even neetbux, if you do that on a shit hole they will laugh at you, they won't care or they will arrest you or something.
There's no real neetbux here, if you're lucky enough to get money it's like $80 or so a month.
>>277692
The thing is most wizards if they have to get a job, will get a wizard friendly job like being a night porter or a security guard.
I've lived with a guy that had been a NEETs for like 2-3 years and then became a night shift security guard. This guy was obese and didn't really look after himself, and his health really seemed to degrade upon getting that security job. His health went to shit, he started smoking weed all the time, he looked visibly stressed and tired all the time.
Of course over the years he somewhat came right because he was a normie with problems and eventually got a social job on a pig farm. But those wizard friendly jobs are psychologically not much different to NEETdom. You're not going to find meaning or motivation mopping floors at a hotel at 3am.
The thing is most wizards if they have to get a job, will get a wizard friendly job like being a night porter or a security guard.
I've lived with a guy that had been a NEETs for like 2-3 years and then became a night shift security guard. This guy was obese and didn't really look after himself, and his health really seemed to degrade upon getting that security job. His health went to shit, he started smoking weed all the time, he looked visibly stressed and tired all the time.
Of course over the years he somewhat came right because he was a normie with problems and eventually got a social job on a pig farm. But those wizard friendly jobs are psychologically not much different to NEETdom. You're not going to find meaning or motivation mopping floors at a hotel at 3am.
>>277698
>>277700
>The average third worlder has children as a teenager, cannot understand any English at all and spends all his free time drinking cheap beer and talking loudly in some shithole bar about succubi or some type of ball game with his retarded friends.
You really don't understand how much the world has changed in the last 20 years, do you? Not every thirdie is some Nigerian living in Lagos in a slum. There's a tremendous amount of thirdies online that are fluent in english, are posting on an old computer from 2010 the second hand shop that idles at 80% of memory that they got on the cheap. Or they're posting from a cheap android smartphone. Even poor pajeets in slums have smartphones and spend a good portion of their day online. Every second thirdie zoomer is fluent or close to fluent in english in many parts of the world. In places like Kenya, a day labourer will go home after work and chat online with his smartphone on Whatsapp.
Brazilian, Argentinain, Columbian, Egyptian, Indian lower class thirdies are often like this. The difference is there is no NEETbux and there's no possibility of getting them, and they're working full time for the same lifestyle NEETbux gets in a western country. A Jamacian wizard posted about his shithole 48 hour work week.
>>277700
>The average third worlder has children as a teenager, cannot understand any English at all and spends all his free time drinking cheap beer and talking loudly in some shithole bar about succubi or some type of ball game with his retarded friends.
You really don't understand how much the world has changed in the last 20 years, do you? Not every thirdie is some Nigerian living in Lagos in a slum. There's a tremendous amount of thirdies online that are fluent in english, are posting on an old computer from 2010 the second hand shop that idles at 80% of memory that they got on the cheap. Or they're posting from a cheap android smartphone. Even poor pajeets in slums have smartphones and spend a good portion of their day online. Every second thirdie zoomer is fluent or close to fluent in english in many parts of the world. In places like Kenya, a day labourer will go home after work and chat online with his smartphone on Whatsapp.
Brazilian, Argentinain, Columbian, Egyptian, Indian lower class thirdies are often like this. The difference is there is no NEETbux and there's no possibility of getting them, and they're working full time for the same lifestyle NEETbux gets in a western country. A Jamacian wizard posted about his shithole 48 hour work week.
>>277702
My post borked anon, I posted 3 different times and it came out missing important paragraphs in all my attempts, so you're not getting the full picture of what I wanted to say. Don't know what happened but now I'm angry about it and don't want to post again, fuck this. thank you for your response though.
My post borked anon, I posted 3 different times and it came out missing important paragraphs in all my attempts, so you're not getting the full picture of what I wanted to say. Don't know what happened but now I'm angry about it and don't want to post again, fuck this. thank you for your response though.
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A must read
>>277712
I learned from my very first job that working in a office is hell for the average wizard. I prefer manual jobs that keep you busy and you can just zone out during the whole shift. In office settings you usually work around a lot of roasties and narcissists who don't really do that much work so they kill time by gossiping and being assholes.
I learned from my very first job that working in a office is hell for the average wizard. I prefer manual jobs that keep you busy and you can just zone out during the whole shift. In office settings you usually work around a lot of roasties and narcissists who don't really do that much work so they kill time by gossiping and being assholes.
>>277712
i'm tempted to say this is made up or exaggerated, but then i remember university where i didn't talk to anyone in my class for like 3 years while i was there and everyone knew who i was, but i didn't know anyone's name or really cared. constantly saw and heard people talking shit about me behind my back. "there's that guy that never talks to anyone" but this one gurl actually defended me because i helped her out once during a lab thing and said i was "nice". i guess she felt bad for me.
still, i can understand why people disliked me. think they thought i was stuck up or retarded or something. i had really bad anxiety and felt the most comfortable just keeping to myself and ignoring people.
even when you're just keeping to yourself, your body language is signaling something to other people, either that you're scared or stuck up and it gives them cause to fuck with you. fortunately, i never had outright bullies, people just looked down on me but it wasn't high school so outward bullying wasn't that cool anymore. i did get bullied by some teens on public transportation tho, probably younger than me lol
i'm tempted to say this is made up or exaggerated, but then i remember university where i didn't talk to anyone in my class for like 3 years while i was there and everyone knew who i was, but i didn't know anyone's name or really cared. constantly saw and heard people talking shit about me behind my back. "there's that guy that never talks to anyone" but this one gurl actually defended me because i helped her out once during a lab thing and said i was "nice". i guess she felt bad for me.
still, i can understand why people disliked me. think they thought i was stuck up or retarded or something. i had really bad anxiety and felt the most comfortable just keeping to myself and ignoring people.
even when you're just keeping to yourself, your body language is signaling something to other people, either that you're scared or stuck up and it gives them cause to fuck with you. fortunately, i never had outright bullies, people just looked down on me but it wasn't high school so outward bullying wasn't that cool anymore. i did get bullied by some teens on public transportation tho, probably younger than me lol
have this great idea for a novel but I really don't want to fuck it up and ruin it forever.
won a few awards back in HS but for years the only thing that's come out of me are shitty fanfics.
They say every witter has a few shit books inside him, maybe I just need to get those out before I try my "big" idea?
won a few awards back in HS but for years the only thing that's come out of me are shitty fanfics.
They say every witter has a few shit books inside him, maybe I just need to get those out before I try my "big" idea?
>>277729
Get your novel down on paper, and then spend some time reflecting on it, re-reading it etc, while doing smaller things.
Get your novel down on paper, and then spend some time reflecting on it, re-reading it etc, while doing smaller things.
I like my mom, but part of me will never forgive her for birthing me.
I don't care how immature it sounds. Try living like I do.
I don't care how immature it sounds. Try living like I do.
>>277733
reproducing is so normal you really cant blame them
and life is so cruel that poor and dumb people are more likely to do it
reproducing is so normal you really cant blame them
and life is so cruel that poor and dumb people are more likely to do it
>>277736
I have to spend 80 years alone, making concessions, and being bitterly unhappy. I can blame her, because it's largely her fault.
I have to spend 80 years alone, making concessions, and being bitterly unhappy. I can blame her, because it's largely her fault.
>>277733
At least ur mom doesn't constantly mock you for your shortcomings and mental state, fuck that needy cunt
At least ur mom doesn't constantly mock you for your shortcomings and mental state, fuck that needy cunt
>>277733
I despise my mom like you wouldn't believe. I respect her and I try to be a decent son, but every day I grow more and more tired of her and sometimes I wish she would just die already. I truly hate her, not only for bringing me this piece of shit world, but for all the traumas and humilliations she has given me over the years.
I despise my mom like you wouldn't believe. I respect her and I try to be a decent son, but every day I grow more and more tired of her and sometimes I wish she would just die already. I truly hate her, not only for bringing me this piece of shit world, but for all the traumas and humilliations she has given me over the years.
>>277765
get a job and hobbies and don't spend so much time around the house, leave if possible, rent an apartment.
get a job and hobbies and don't spend so much time around the house, leave if possible, rent an apartment.
I find as I get older I have less control over my emotions and I get pissed off more easily. Any wizzie have this experience? it's like i'm mentally regressing I never got this pissed off over trivial shit in my early twenties
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>>277767
for me it's because my situation just get worse with age, more health issues, less opportunities, more pressure to perform, more shame for lack of accomplishments, ageism etc.
all this stress makes me tense so something trivial like losing in a video game or computer issues make me mad
for me it's because my situation just get worse with age, more health issues, less opportunities, more pressure to perform, more shame for lack of accomplishments, ageism etc.
all this stress makes me tense so something trivial like losing in a video game or computer issues make me mad
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Every time I feel some discomfort I have this reflex to come on the internet to complain and seek advice but the reality is that I know what to do but just can't accept it and try to find some kind of temporary relief in posting something and then getting some sort of pleasure from the anticipation of a reply but what happens is I get told what I already knew or just some shitposting and it puts me into depression knowing that no one will help me and I HAVE TO DO THE WORK.
And I'm doing it again…
And I'm doing it again…
>>277771
It's just copium. A way to procrastinate. Doesn't really change anything so you can safely stop giving a fuck about it.
It's just copium. A way to procrastinate. Doesn't really change anything so you can safely stop giving a fuck about it.
>>277767
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hwabyeong
>Hwabyeong or Hwapyŏng (hangul: 화병, hanja: 火病) is a Korean somatization disorder, a mental illness which arises when people are unable to confront their anger as a result of conditions which they perceive to be unfai
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hwabyeong
>Hwabyeong or Hwapyŏng (hangul: 화병, hanja: 火病) is a Korean somatization disorder, a mental illness which arises when people are unable to confront their anger as a result of conditions which they perceive to be unfai
>>277772
The concept of copium actually fucks me up mentally.
What if all my thoughts are copium? I like to philosophize in my head but what if instead of searching for the truth I am just searching for a philosophy that will help me cope?
I was reading a thread where people complained about their programing jobs and in a moment that made me feel less worse about dropping out of computer science but what if I am just coping and seeing a vocal minority complaining as proof that graduating college and working in tech would not have made me happy so I shouldn't feel regret?
I also realized that giving my opinions on something or advice is less about challenging my knowledge and helping others but just feeling satisfaction for a short moment.
The concept of copium actually fucks me up mentally.
What if all my thoughts are copium? I like to philosophize in my head but what if instead of searching for the truth I am just searching for a philosophy that will help me cope?
I was reading a thread where people complained about their programing jobs and in a moment that made me feel less worse about dropping out of computer science but what if I am just coping and seeing a vocal minority complaining as proof that graduating college and working in tech would not have made me happy so I shouldn't feel regret?
I also realized that giving my opinions on something or advice is less about challenging my knowledge and helping others but just feeling satisfaction for a short moment.
>>277774
So you're saying that each of what you believe to be rational thoughts are actually the result of an emotional argument. But that itself is a rational thought, so that is a result of an emotional argument. Or in other words, copium is copium.
So you're saying that each of what you believe to be rational thoughts are actually the result of an emotional argument. But that itself is a rational thought, so that is a result of an emotional argument. Or in other words, copium is copium.
Trying to understand the relationship between me and my coworkers drives me mad.
When I talk to them more than usual they get visibly uncomfortable. When I keep more to myself they keep asking me questions and are nicer. I am truly destined to be "the quiet guy".
When I talk to them more than usual they get visibly uncomfortable. When I keep more to myself they keep asking me questions and are nicer. I am truly destined to be "the quiet guy".
>>277788
there's a whole world between talking and not talking. change the topic if they get "visibly uncomfortable", try asking more questions and keep it light.
there's a whole world between talking and not talking. change the topic if they get "visibly uncomfortable", try asking more questions and keep it light.
My dreams some times torment me with the faces of people I knew in school while being in a school. After high school, I wasn't able to graduate college, and am just about to graduate almost 10 years later with an associate's. I try not to think about this kind of stuff, but my mind's been branded with the idea a career is needed and you need to be financially successful to be happy. I'm brainwashed.
>>277786
I can't browse any of the old sites I browses in my new-NEET days because they cause instant irritation.
I can't browse any of the old sites I browses in my new-NEET days because they cause instant irritation.
>>277774
Take the copiumpill. There's no use worrying that every action you take is biased by copium because it's impossible to discern. Don't fear happiness.
>>277788
Perhaps there's something odd about the way you initiate. If you don't wish to be seen as quiet, try to figure out why your interactions with others make them uncomfortable.
>>277790
Condition yourself towards a new way of thinking. The old way will never completely disappear but you must try your best.
Take the copiumpill. There's no use worrying that every action you take is biased by copium because it's impossible to discern. Don't fear happiness.
>>277788
Perhaps there's something odd about the way you initiate. If you don't wish to be seen as quiet, try to figure out why your interactions with others make them uncomfortable.
>>277790
Condition yourself towards a new way of thinking. The old way will never completely disappear but you must try your best.
"If you can identify that what you're doing is a cope, then you're not coping hard enough"
- A very wise Wiz
- A very wise Wiz
>>277794
There's nothing wrong with coping. But coping is used in two different ways.
1. Coping as in you're delusional
2. Coping as in you're distracting yourself
There's nothing wrong with coping. But coping is used in two different ways.
1. Coping as in you're delusional
2. Coping as in you're distracting yourself
>>277795
At this point "coping" is just a word used by nihilist faggots to discredit and strip off purpose from everything. You could have the most fulfilled life with a lot of purpose and some negative retard will call it "cope" while being an absolute miserable piece of shit.
At this point "coping" is just a word used by nihilist faggots to discredit and strip off purpose from everything. You could have the most fulfilled life with a lot of purpose and some negative retard will call it "cope" while being an absolute miserable piece of shit.
>>277797
Sounds like cope. You probably don't like the word because you're not self-aware to realize you're coping or just willfully ignorant about the concept of copes existing, which again is a cope.
Sounds like cope. You probably don't like the word because you're not self-aware to realize you're coping or just willfully ignorant about the concept of copes existing, which again is a cope.
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Feel like I'm dying. Everything is getting worse in my life and everywhere around me. The economy is slowly imploding and everyone is becoming more jaded and cynical. Only the rich and corrupt aren't struggling. I'm withdrawing off heroin and I genuinely can't find anything to cheer myself up with I just want to disappear and end this pointless existence.
>>277814
Real talk, you need to wait until you're clear from the WDs.
I went through the same thing with heroin years back, and it took me a while to get to baseline.
Of course, if your baseline is terrible, then that is what it is.
But opiate withdrawal, like alcohol for me, always had vague, spiritual connotations. It was always very intense, and veiled everything else in my life.
Good luck
Real talk, you need to wait until you're clear from the WDs.
I went through the same thing with heroin years back, and it took me a while to get to baseline.
Of course, if your baseline is terrible, then that is what it is.
But opiate withdrawal, like alcohol for me, always had vague, spiritual connotations. It was always very intense, and veiled everything else in my life.
Good luck
>>277814
>I genuinely can't find anything to cheer myself up
I don't think you should cheer up, I think you need to find a lot of things to do and focus on.
Think about it as an onion. Until you get to the rotten bulb, delay yourself with questions (why did I quit? because it made me feel sick), maybe say a prayer (any Entity will do, even Conan's Crom), hell, you can even recite the litany against fear.
When the urges come remember, that part of you is dead and what is dead will never come back to life. Maybe visualize this craving moment as a duel in some old b&w chambara movie.
Focus on yourself for the time being and stay away from news and TV.
Find distractions that accomplish something (painting miniatures, gunpla, hobby electronics) - basically do something with your hands.
Reality hits very hard when your're off and you remember that next hit will never come, but then again, you'll never stop fighting.
At some point you'll feel like a veil has been lifted from your eyes, just as you learn to use them.
Awareness is the perfect drug. Be ever vigilant, brother.>>277814
>I genuinely can't find anything to cheer myself up
I don't think you should cheer up, I think you need to find a lot of things to do and focus on.
Think about it as an onion. Until you get to the rotten bulb, delay yourself with questions (why did I quit? because it made me feel sick), maybe say a prayer (any Entity will do, even Conan's Crom), hell, you can even recite the litany against fear.
When the urges come remember, that part of you is dead and what is dead will never come back to life. Maybe visualize this craving moment as a duel in some old b&w chambara movie.
Focus on yourself for the time being and stay away from news and TV.
Find distractions that accomplish something (painting miniatures, gunpla, hobby electronics) - basically do something with your hands.
Reality hits very hard when your're off and you remember that next hit will never come, but then again, you'll never stop fighting.
At some point you'll feel like a veil has been lifted from your eyes, just as you learn to use them.
Awareness is the perfect drug. Be ever vigilant, brother.>>277814
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>born in 1st world country in 21st century
>access to a huge library of books written by the most bright and talented minds in the world
>access to different tutorials for any kind of skill I would like to learn
>affordable courses for many skills if I am not capable of learning on my own
>tools for hobbies have never been this available, cheap and easy to use
>can create entire worlds on your computer
…
mindlessly consume instead of adding anything to the world and exploring my potential
i hate myself so much for this. it feels like such a waste of the privilege of being born in this age. I'm not saying I would create anything amazing or unique but anything would have been better than doing nothing
>access to a huge library of books written by the most bright and talented minds in the world
>access to different tutorials for any kind of skill I would like to learn
>affordable courses for many skills if I am not capable of learning on my own
>tools for hobbies have never been this available, cheap and easy to use
>can create entire worlds on your computer
…
mindlessly consume instead of adding anything to the world and exploring my potential
i hate myself so much for this. it feels like such a waste of the privilege of being born in this age. I'm not saying I would create anything amazing or unique but anything would have been better than doing nothing
>>277832
Necessity is the mother of invention. Seems like you have everything except the need to do something.
That said, what are your interests?
Necessity is the mother of invention. Seems like you have everything except the need to do something.
That said, what are your interests?
>>277832
>read the books
>did the tutorials
>took the courses
>used the tools
>created the worlds
wish i would've just mindlessly consumed more
i hate myself for contributing to the world
>read the books
>did the tutorials
>took the courses
>used the tools
>created the worlds
wish i would've just mindlessly consumed more
i hate myself for contributing to the world
I think I've had just about as much as I'm going to get out of life but I'm in a comfortable enough position to wait for an appropriate moment to exit. I'd like to have a safe exit on hand.
I have access to insulin (my pancreas died about two years ago now, standard autoimmune causes so no liver toxicity drugs or anything). However I can't seem to find any clarifications regarding how to dose out a suicide. Mental asylums used to OD patients on insulin to put them in temporary comas but I can't find good quantities in literature on that subject either. I hope it's not anything too insane but I've read about people walking into hospitals after taking 3000+ international units, which would be the entire 3 month supply available to me. Seems like something I'd need to add on to another method instead of relying on. I've read about a lot of doctors and nurses murdering people with insulin but sparingly few murders outside of hospitals or care facilities. That probably means the quantity required would exhaust my supply. If it was really easy then "natty" bodybuilders would be falling dead left and right.
Charcoal/monoxide is flat out. I'm on the second floor of an apartment building over a home with three children, if I wanted to go out as a murderer I'd murder more deliberately. I think this rules out a nitrogen exit bag too. Helium might be in, but I'd need to be sure it's not doped with breathable oxygen due to "global helium shortage" lies.
Hanging seems like it sucks.
Fentanyl seems like it's stupid-hard to get hands on for anyone who isn't already familiar with the arcana of drug purchases.
Intentional vehicular collision suffers from the same problem as hanging.
Guns seem to have a really good mortality rate but suffer from the attempt raising general alarm, meaning I won't bleed out to death in the event of a failure.
I have access to insulin (my pancreas died about two years ago now, standard autoimmune causes so no liver toxicity drugs or anything). However I can't seem to find any clarifications regarding how to dose out a suicide. Mental asylums used to OD patients on insulin to put them in temporary comas but I can't find good quantities in literature on that subject either. I hope it's not anything too insane but I've read about people walking into hospitals after taking 3000+ international units, which would be the entire 3 month supply available to me. Seems like something I'd need to add on to another method instead of relying on. I've read about a lot of doctors and nurses murdering people with insulin but sparingly few murders outside of hospitals or care facilities. That probably means the quantity required would exhaust my supply. If it was really easy then "natty" bodybuilders would be falling dead left and right.
Charcoal/monoxide is flat out. I'm on the second floor of an apartment building over a home with three children, if I wanted to go out as a murderer I'd murder more deliberately. I think this rules out a nitrogen exit bag too. Helium might be in, but I'd need to be sure it's not doped with breathable oxygen due to "global helium shortage" lies.
Hanging seems like it sucks.
Fentanyl seems like it's stupid-hard to get hands on for anyone who isn't already familiar with the arcana of drug purchases.
Intentional vehicular collision suffers from the same problem as hanging.
Guns seem to have a really good mortality rate but suffer from the attempt raising general alarm, meaning I won't bleed out to death in the event of a failure.
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>>277833
I guess my issue is having too many interests especially for someone who doesn't have the drive or brain power to follow them all like a renaissance man.
Instead of collecting scale models I would love to be able to make my own. Make models of video game characters I like, robots, cars, make my own OC or vehicle designs…
and just designing stuff in general like custom keyboards which has become popular recently or make a cool PC case
also I would love to be able to make clothes
and of course making a video game would be cool
and I also always had an interest in robotics
it makes it even more ridiculous that I would laze off instead of getting to it ASAP because time is of the essence ESPECIALLY for an untalented person like me who learns slower. If I got my ass to learn to draw at least I would already have a good base skill for designing stuff. Starting to learn something at 30 feels so bad when all the good artists started early.
I guess my issue is having too many interests especially for someone who doesn't have the drive or brain power to follow them all like a renaissance man.
Instead of collecting scale models I would love to be able to make my own. Make models of video game characters I like, robots, cars, make my own OC or vehicle designs…
and just designing stuff in general like custom keyboards which has become popular recently or make a cool PC case
also I would love to be able to make clothes
and of course making a video game would be cool
and I also always had an interest in robotics
it makes it even more ridiculous that I would laze off instead of getting to it ASAP because time is of the essence ESPECIALLY for an untalented person like me who learns slower. If I got my ass to learn to draw at least I would already have a good base skill for designing stuff. Starting to learn something at 30 feels so bad when all the good artists started early.
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I have pic related on my house because I live at the bottom of the hill, it's a septic system with an electric motor that pumps sewage up to the main system. It was put in pretty shady, it's a suspended motor hanging in the tank above the water line, with a normal single phase power cord (the type for an indoor house) running up across the lawn and into an outside outlet. No RCD on the thing, so if you broke it and stood on it, it could kill you.
Anyway, I had an RCD on it, but I accidentally hit the cord with the lawnmower, the motor failed and within 3 days the entire area was flooded with sewage. Because one of my renters has like 40 minute showers the water from the drain just kept on piling in. I had toilet paper and shit floating in a pond over the tank.
I had to spend all yesterday getting it fixed, in the rain, standing in literal shitwater, trying to fix wires, duct taping and sealing off the exposed parts to the fence, praying like fuck no current would leak out. The motor was submerged but managed to get working, and drained the water away. But fucking god I'm still having nightmares each night about shitwater all over the lawn. If I didn't get that fixed, or if the motor fully fucked out, I don't know what I would've done, it's been heavy rain for the last few weeks. It would've cost thousands to get the septic vehicle in to pump the shitwater out, a day to dig massive irrigation channels to filter our the rain water, money for electricans and mechanics to fix and rewire everything.
I can't do a full proper repair until summer. But because I can't afford this thing to fail I'm just going to have to wait until it's all dry, drain the tank manually with a shovel and burn all the shit on the lawn, double check everything inside the tank, take the motor in for maintenance. Get a proper cable in protective plastic, have it run underground and then up around the fence to the power box, install proper waterproof RCDs that won't fuck out. Every night I'm just having dreams of my lawn getting flooded in shit again and it's fucking scary.
Anyway, I had an RCD on it, but I accidentally hit the cord with the lawnmower, the motor failed and within 3 days the entire area was flooded with sewage. Because one of my renters has like 40 minute showers the water from the drain just kept on piling in. I had toilet paper and shit floating in a pond over the tank.
I had to spend all yesterday getting it fixed, in the rain, standing in literal shitwater, trying to fix wires, duct taping and sealing off the exposed parts to the fence, praying like fuck no current would leak out. The motor was submerged but managed to get working, and drained the water away. But fucking god I'm still having nightmares each night about shitwater all over the lawn. If I didn't get that fixed, or if the motor fully fucked out, I don't know what I would've done, it's been heavy rain for the last few weeks. It would've cost thousands to get the septic vehicle in to pump the shitwater out, a day to dig massive irrigation channels to filter our the rain water, money for electricans and mechanics to fix and rewire everything.
I can't do a full proper repair until summer. But because I can't afford this thing to fail I'm just going to have to wait until it's all dry, drain the tank manually with a shovel and burn all the shit on the lawn, double check everything inside the tank, take the motor in for maintenance. Get a proper cable in protective plastic, have it run underground and then up around the fence to the power box, install proper waterproof RCDs that won't fuck out. Every night I'm just having dreams of my lawn getting flooded in shit again and it's fucking scary.
>>277849
You seem like you know your… well shit.
>praying like fuck no current would leak out
>drain the tank manually with a shovel
By all means wear insulated gloves, boots and a H2S respirator.
Stay safe.
You seem like you know your… well shit.
>praying like fuck no current would leak out
>drain the tank manually with a shovel
By all means wear insulated gloves, boots and a H2S respirator.
Stay safe.
I took the week off of work because I was tired, had the time, and because work was driving me insane.
I've been going to sleep at about 7pm, and waking up at 8 in the morning, since Monday.
Why in God's name am I still so exhausted?
I've been going to sleep at about 7pm, and waking up at 8 in the morning, since Monday.
Why in God's name am I still so exhausted?
>>277849
>one of my renters
Landlord spotted. Sympathy levels dropping.
Should have brought the building up to code before charging someone to live there.
>one of my renters
Landlord spotted. Sympathy levels dropping.
Should have brought the building up to code before charging someone to live there.
Mods keep range-banning mullvad even though it's one of the most popular VPNs and i've regularly seen in History that multiple people use these servers. It's all so tiring
>>277873
Letting the mods track you like that is fucking retarded and extremely dangerous. Trivial for them to monetise it or even blackmail users
Letting the mods track you like that is fucking retarded and extremely dangerous. Trivial for them to monetise it or even blackmail users
>>277875
that has never happened a single time in the history of this website, so I think I'll take my chances and let them see the general area of the city I live in
that has never happened a single time in the history of this website, so I think I'll take my chances and let them see the general area of the city I live in
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that's so relatable
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It's impossible to be happy in this life. Maybe in the next life, if there is such a thing.
I feel so bad.
It's hard to breathe, like I'm on the verge of a panic attack all day long.
I can't stop thinking about killing myself. Living this life is almost unbearable.
It's hard to breathe, like I'm on the verge of a panic attack all day long.
I can't stop thinking about killing myself. Living this life is almost unbearable.
I have been too depressed to clean my cat's litter box. As a result, he has been using the carpet floor all around the litter box. So I have a small space in my house filled with dried, caked up cat litter and cat shit.
I need to get it cleaned up, somehow. But I feel too depressed to even try. And that makes me even more depressed and so I just avoid the problem.
It's very gross and I am ashamed.
I need to get it cleaned up, somehow. But I feel too depressed to even try. And that makes me even more depressed and so I just avoid the problem.
It's very gross and I am ashamed.
Chemo fucked my brain and i'm now a moron. Ask doctors for help and they tell me to fuck off. Love it. yeaaah I love it…mhmmm I love being alive ohh yeahh so much fun
Too depressed to get out of bed for long today. Mom's probably going to be upset that I didn't say good morning, though I do every other morning. I should just fucking kill myself.
>>277904
ignore the cunt, at first is hard since she forces you to talk to her(if she gets upset at you for not saying good morning, you should say goodbye to her), don't give into it.
ignore the cunt, at first is hard since she forces you to talk to her(if she gets upset at you for not saying good morning, you should say goodbye to her), don't give into it.
I told my family that I was gonna do a firearm training course because I was looking to work as a security guard, but in reality I just wanna buy a gun to shoot myself and I need that goddamn traning in order to legally buy a gun in this gay third world shithole. Once I finally get a gun I can leave this absolute joke of a world whenever I please.
>>277899
nothing to say because im lazy, except my cat is dead, appreciate him while hes alive
nothing to say because im lazy, except my cat is dead, appreciate him while hes alive
Being a tall 6'3 guy that's reasonably attractive, but still autistic and mentally ill, alternating between NEETing working shit jobs, I really seem to have problems with short men.
It's like they never forgave me for being tall, never forgave me for being what I am. Every time I come across manlet middle managers they seem to always aim to publicly humiliate me or flex on me. Seizing any excuse that comes up and running with it.
I remember going to school with a guy that looked like a model but was mentally slow, close to forest gump levels of slow and he had the same thing happen to him dialed up even further. It was even normal men doing it to him because the disparity was even further. It's like if you're psychologically vulnerable and good looking, you're big game to someone with a bit of power and eager to flex.
It's like they never forgave me for being tall, never forgave me for being what I am. Every time I come across manlet middle managers they seem to always aim to publicly humiliate me or flex on me. Seizing any excuse that comes up and running with it.
I remember going to school with a guy that looked like a model but was mentally slow, close to forest gump levels of slow and he had the same thing happen to him dialed up even further. It was even normal men doing it to him because the disparity was even further. It's like if you're psychologically vulnerable and good looking, you're big game to someone with a bit of power and eager to flex.
>>277913
If you really were good looking and tall you would have the red carpet rolled out for you wherever you go. Both Genders love good looking people. The fact that normies seem hostile to you shows you aren't as good looking as you presume.
If you really were good looking and tall you would have the red carpet rolled out for you wherever you go. Both Genders love good looking people. The fact that normies seem hostile to you shows you aren't as good looking as you presume.
Things seem to be going well but those negative and self doubting thoughts always creep there way back in. I haven't had a psychotic break in a long time and the medication + nootropic really is working, I've increased my support worker sessions and still go to therapy once a week to get out of my head being an Hikki. I got sober and been that way a while but now my mom is suffering from the same disease of alcoholism I had, she's ruining her life and doesn't grasp the social and personal consequences of her actions, in hospital 2 weeks, back on the piss when out rinse and repeat. So fucking frustrating I wish I could prevent this and be an example since I was worse but she's pretty fucking bad and at the mercy of addiction. After weeks of searching I found the right website which has a catalogue of courses I can do online to break away from NEETdom but I'm doubting whether I'm smart enough and if this dream is a foolish gamble, I have been molding a personality by having genuine interests in podcasts, politics, conspiracies etc, I was usually spending my days laying in bed sleeping and on my phone not even socializing digitally doing nothing productive or occupying my time at all now things are progressing. I really worry about my relationship with God and want to keep maintaining my bond with him and understanding my value while leaving the unknown to the Lord because he got me this far, I don't want to go to hell and I'm concerned no matter how much I repent or turn away from sin it's inevitable(I was a piece of shit years ago fucking certified looper), although I'm not praying or reading the Bible as much as I should I think it'll never be enough. I'm not keeping discipline to stay away from porn, it has become a habit and I feel guilty and ashamed after each wank(not really the content more letting myself and God down it's really debilitating). Others around me consider myself to be a good man with a good soul and respectful also intelligent but I question the genuineness of those claims. I find it hard to engage in interests and hobbies, I'm a Hikki/NEET and can barely bring myself to watch an anime or TV show when they're binge worthy, why is it too much to just get into media(reading included), the same can be said for vidya I want to play but just can't, feel it requires too much effort when I have unlimited time. I know this is depression and I'm honestly glad I didn't go through with suicide years ago but I still feel empty? I guess being a loser with zero IRL friends and on my own will do it, I have made significant improvements though and don't want to go backwards I can't touch alcohol even though I miss it, to unwind with a beer or bourbon would be nice but too risky. Being a paranoid and anxiety riddled guy is keeping me at a disadvantage, I guess this new me with new prospects just needs to understand depression will dip in and out and its okay for me to have troubled thoughts, I can't emphasize enough how vital it is for me to go foward and never revert back to how things were
>>277913
Manlets used to be court jesters and circus freaks to survive for hundreds of years so yeah he probably felt like he needed to put on a performance without even knowing why himself. It's one of those rare occurrences where you can't really blame them for the behavior because it's a case where the environment activates some genes to prevent DNA damage. He has to first win the crowd before he can speak otherwise the crowd will naturally listen to the taller man and not believe the short guy.
Manlets used to be court jesters and circus freaks to survive for hundreds of years so yeah he probably felt like he needed to put on a performance without even knowing why himself. It's one of those rare occurrences where you can't really blame them for the behavior because it's a case where the environment activates some genes to prevent DNA damage. He has to first win the crowd before he can speak otherwise the crowd will naturally listen to the taller man and not believe the short guy.
>>277926
I've looked a lot into heightism and it appears a huge majority of Fortune 500 CEO's are like 6'2+ even though people of that height are something like 5% of the general population.
In presidential elections, the taller candidate won something like 98% of the time and the only reason the taller one lost was a scandal like Watergate etc.
As a pretty short (5'4) guy it has just made me hate the world even more. There are studies showing for every extra inch you have, companies are more likely to promote you to managerial or executive positions, and for every inch you earn about $3000 more a year.
Why are humans so ape-like and primitive? Why can't we judge people by merits only?
I've looked a lot into heightism and it appears a huge majority of Fortune 500 CEO's are like 6'2+ even though people of that height are something like 5% of the general population.
In presidential elections, the taller candidate won something like 98% of the time and the only reason the taller one lost was a scandal like Watergate etc.
As a pretty short (5'4) guy it has just made me hate the world even more. There are studies showing for every extra inch you have, companies are more likely to promote you to managerial or executive positions, and for every inch you earn about $3000 more a year.
Why are humans so ape-like and primitive? Why can't we judge people by merits only?
>>277944
Bigger skeleton = bigger brain = more smart
Simple as that.
Also better in a fight, more likely to survive a nuclear detonation.
Bigger skeleton = bigger brain = more smart
Simple as that.
Also better in a fight, more likely to survive a nuclear detonation.
>>277926
No, you're mixing up Achondroplasia, a genetic disorder with being short. People with dwarfism and other disorders served in the roles you mentioned.
>>277944
That's because politics both in companies or State has very little to do with intellectual merit.
>>277945
I'm willing to bet money the average height of nobel laureates for the important prizes (chemistry, physics, medicine) are the average in relation to the nations and time periods they're from. Not to mention East Asians have higher IQs than Caucasian populations despite being shorter on average.
>being taller makes you more likely to survive a nuclear detonation
I'm not sure you understand what a nuclear explosion is but let me assure you being taller is not going to help you survive it.
No, you're mixing up Achondroplasia, a genetic disorder with being short. People with dwarfism and other disorders served in the roles you mentioned.
>>277944
That's because politics both in companies or State has very little to do with intellectual merit.
>>277945
I'm willing to bet money the average height of nobel laureates for the important prizes (chemistry, physics, medicine) are the average in relation to the nations and time periods they're from. Not to mention East Asians have higher IQs than Caucasian populations despite being shorter on average.
>being taller makes you more likely to survive a nuclear detonation
I'm not sure you understand what a nuclear explosion is but let me assure you being taller is not going to help you survive it.
>>277951
Think Armie Hammer. Guy is like 6'5 and he literally told his dating companions he wants to eat their body parts while they die.
Since size creates a fighting advantage, it's plausible most tall men are just psychopaths or sociopaths due to historical reasons.
It's not height causing psychopathy per se, it's the most violent ancestor propagating their genes successfully. Then as they gain more male heirs that become bigger and bigger, we have a fisherian runaway where humans who are historically 1,50m to 1,65m warp to 1,90, 1,95, 2m+.
They are also a small portion of the population, but so are psychopaths. Only about 1-2% of the population are psychopaths, but also 1-2% of the population is around 6'3+. See a pattern?
I'm not saying all tall people are psychopaths. But when we look at big shot CEO's, many politicians (Trump in fact is a tall proven psychopath at 6'3), most of them have strongly dark triad traits.
If humanity wants to improve we should hire more average sized or short people. For every Napoleon who wants to kill people there are 100 tall psychopaths who go undetected.
Think Armie Hammer. Guy is like 6'5 and he literally told his dating companions he wants to eat their body parts while they die.
Since size creates a fighting advantage, it's plausible most tall men are just psychopaths or sociopaths due to historical reasons.
It's not height causing psychopathy per se, it's the most violent ancestor propagating their genes successfully. Then as they gain more male heirs that become bigger and bigger, we have a fisherian runaway where humans who are historically 1,50m to 1,65m warp to 1,90, 1,95, 2m+.
They are also a small portion of the population, but so are psychopaths. Only about 1-2% of the population are psychopaths, but also 1-2% of the population is around 6'3+. See a pattern?
I'm not saying all tall people are psychopaths. But when we look at big shot CEO's, many politicians (Trump in fact is a tall proven psychopath at 6'3), most of them have strongly dark triad traits.
If humanity wants to improve we should hire more average sized or short people. For every Napoleon who wants to kill people there are 100 tall psychopaths who go undetected.
Coming to terms with the fact that I'm gonna blow my brains out 4 years. I have too much unresolvable baggage to ever function normally.
Why everything in modern world is so fucking noisy? Always radios or commercials or loud speaking i want peace and quiet
You can't find a way around sociopaths because most of them go unnoticed forever. That's the core feature of sociopathy. As for psychopaths, only those get noticed, who have more severe forms of it.
It feels so messed up that I'm 30
I just made myself some scrambled eggs for breakfast and changed my bedsheets which my mom normally does and I felt exhausted and a sense of accomplishment.
Since I don't interact with anyone I quickly forget about this fact but every time I become aware of it it blows my mind that I am the same age as people who have their own place, maybe even a house, drive a car and have people who depend on them and who they take care of. They have like 7+ years of experience at their job or working in general and are approaching a position where people look up to them because of this experience. Meanwhile I haven't changed at all since I was 16 and in some ways even regressed. It's just insane.
I just made myself some scrambled eggs for breakfast and changed my bedsheets which my mom normally does and I felt exhausted and a sense of accomplishment.
Since I don't interact with anyone I quickly forget about this fact but every time I become aware of it it blows my mind that I am the same age as people who have their own place, maybe even a house, drive a car and have people who depend on them and who they take care of. They have like 7+ years of experience at their job or working in general and are approaching a position where people look up to them because of this experience. Meanwhile I haven't changed at all since I was 16 and in some ways even regressed. It's just insane.
>>277969
If we're all alive by 2030, I can't wait for the amount of "time passes you by" posts, people will still think they're in their 20 and 30s but everyone will be 40 or so.
If we're all alive by 2030, I can't wait for the amount of "time passes you by" posts, people will still think they're in their 20 and 30s but everyone will be 40 or so.
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I'm going to be 32 in the next few days.
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I want this to stop
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satan gives me bad thoughts
satan gives me suffering
satan gives me suffering
Do any wizard's maintain a journal? I wrote one entry but the real pointlessness of it smacks me in the face. No one will read it, and my feelings don't translate to paper. Who does it benefit? But I do feel compelled to write sometimes.
>>277986
embrace the suffering, you will suffer for the rest of your life, at least be comfortable in it.
embrace the suffering, you will suffer for the rest of your life, at least be comfortable in it.
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There isn't really anything to say about anything. Life kinda just feels like a dead-end or a formality. Dissatisfying, underwhelming, mediocre, disappointing. I think that no matter how favourable an external circumstance I were in, I would still use those kinds of adjectives to describe life. This feels like purgatory. A damned, hopeless place.
But unless i'm under a severe misunderstanding, the normies seem to genuinely enjoy this life thing. That seems odd, because if they can, than it must be possible for me to as well. But I can't even imagine what that would be like. It wouldn't be like living with an endless stream of pleasure, because pleasure doesn't subdue my dissatisfaction. What would that be like? What would a genuinely, truly fulfilling existence be like?
But unless i'm under a severe misunderstanding, the normies seem to genuinely enjoy this life thing. That seems odd, because if they can, than it must be possible for me to as well. But I can't even imagine what that would be like. It wouldn't be like living with an endless stream of pleasure, because pleasure doesn't subdue my dissatisfaction. What would that be like? What would a genuinely, truly fulfilling existence be like?
>>277994
Only way to be happy is to not give a fuck anymore, they're so much horrible things that happen in the world and you can't do a damn thing about it. Just enjoy this shitty ride.
Only way to be happy is to not give a fuck anymore, they're so much horrible things that happen in the world and you can't do a damn thing about it. Just enjoy this shitty ride.
Can't sleep I'm so upset, just wasted time and opportunities, doing an internal rerun of how I've spent the last few years. I can only differentiate periods of my life by what game I was playing or what anime I was watching. I get very sentimental about these little media epochs, they seem insignificant while lived but in retrospect were special and good but gone in a blink. I think that Marcus Aurelius dude referred to life as a flock of birds that enters view and vanishes as quick as they appear. You get maybe a two second window to observe them before they're deleted from your retina, and like that it's all over.
>>277994
I feel the same way about life, more or less. I'm at a point in my life where nearly everything that I've wanted I've either already gotten, like a fair amount of mental and spiritual growth, or things I am repeatedly denied, such as a high degree of solitude, a sense of purpose, a comfortable living situation, etc. All that's left for me to gain in this life are things I simply don't care for, basically normalfag desires like sexual relationships, popularity, lucrative careers, expensive possesions, wife and kids, etc.
Much like a video game with poor end-game content, I feel like I have 'completed' my life and have no logical reason to continue, only really a vague reluctance to end the game. However, I have decided to do exactly that and end my life. I know people like to pop out of the woodwork with their typical combination of empty platitudes and suicide-shaming, but my resolve to end my life is not born of misery quite as much as a desire to conclude a pointless cycle. There's simply nothing else I want to do here, and hanging onto life for no other reason than a fear of death seems silly and shallow to me.
I feel the same way about life, more or less. I'm at a point in my life where nearly everything that I've wanted I've either already gotten, like a fair amount of mental and spiritual growth, or things I am repeatedly denied, such as a high degree of solitude, a sense of purpose, a comfortable living situation, etc. All that's left for me to gain in this life are things I simply don't care for, basically normalfag desires like sexual relationships, popularity, lucrative careers, expensive possesions, wife and kids, etc.
Much like a video game with poor end-game content, I feel like I have 'completed' my life and have no logical reason to continue, only really a vague reluctance to end the game. However, I have decided to do exactly that and end my life. I know people like to pop out of the woodwork with their typical combination of empty platitudes and suicide-shaming, but my resolve to end my life is not born of misery quite as much as a desire to conclude a pointless cycle. There's simply nothing else I want to do here, and hanging onto life for no other reason than a fear of death seems silly and shallow to me.
>>277998
I can understand this. It's the like the empty feeling of milling about a game after you've beaten it and done everything you've wanted. You might hang in there for a while out of habit, but there's ultimately no further reason to play. Party's over, time to disconnect.
I can understand this. It's the like the empty feeling of milling about a game after you've beaten it and done everything you've wanted. You might hang in there for a while out of habit, but there's ultimately no further reason to play. Party's over, time to disconnect.
Which depression do you prefer, The "I don't feel anything" depression or the "I'm feeling way too much" depression?
>>278009
100% the not feeling anything. When your mind is overwhelmed to a numbness to more suffering but you can still do stuff, and respond "fuck off" to any external abuse is nicer. Being vulnerable to world with strong unpleasant feelings and mental suffering is much worse. If I could stay numb and dissmiss things with anger all the time I would much prefer it.
100% the not feeling anything. When your mind is overwhelmed to a numbness to more suffering but you can still do stuff, and respond "fuck off" to any external abuse is nicer. Being vulnerable to world with strong unpleasant feelings and mental suffering is much worse. If I could stay numb and dissmiss things with anger all the time I would much prefer it.
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I no longer enjoy comics or anime or manga (except beyblade burst and pretty-cure). I read and watched all the series that interested me, even raw manga, I hate the new animes. isekai,omegaverse smut, moeshit and a mix of all these
I own a lot of IRL comics, manga, as well as some toys.
Should I gift them/sell them away? What interest do I pick up? Im getting into swimming and track-and-field.
I own a PS4 with like 12 games but I only play Horizon. and I dont play it much because Im really bad at aiming the arrows and I get salty easily when I lose too much.
I own a lot of IRL comics, manga, as well as some toys.
Should I gift them/sell them away? What interest do I pick up? Im getting into swimming and track-and-field.
I own a PS4 with like 12 games but I only play Horizon. and I dont play it much because Im really bad at aiming the arrows and I get salty easily when I lose too much.
>>278010
I’ve had both and both are awful in their own ways. In the midst of either, you’d just rather not be here.
I’ve had both and both are awful in their own ways. In the midst of either, you’d just rather not be here.
>remember slight disagreement or unfair situation in my life
>Replay the situation where I'm confronting them directly, coming out on top
>get worked up and my heart racing from this fantasy
I don't enjoy it and it makes me miserable as fuck. I had bad OCD before but this shit is maladaptive as fuck and makes me sick. It's not le trauma either, because I haven't really had anything too bad happen in my life. It's just immature power fantasies and a weak ego.
>Replay the situation where I'm confronting them directly, coming out on top
>get worked up and my heart racing from this fantasy
I don't enjoy it and it makes me miserable as fuck. I had bad OCD before but this shit is maladaptive as fuck and makes me sick. It's not le trauma either, because I haven't really had anything too bad happen in my life. It's just immature power fantasies and a weak ego.
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I'm currently in that completely numb state as well and the only thing that elicits any kind of emotional response from me is food.
I just love food. Desserts, salty foods, greasy foods. It's the only thing that affects my mood at this point.
It's amazing I'm not obese or overweight yet.
I just love food. Desserts, salty foods, greasy foods. It's the only thing that affects my mood at this point.
It's amazing I'm not obese or overweight yet.
Got surgery done.
They put my under using fentanyl. Damn, that shit felt great.
To overdose on that stuff would be really easy and enjoyable.
They put my under using fentanyl. Damn, that shit felt great.
To overdose on that stuff would be really easy and enjoyable.
>>277891
I see a lot of people talking about their next life, what would you constitute as a good life? I don't think it would be possible to be happy in another life as a human.
I see a lot of people talking about their next life, what would you constitute as a good life? I don't think it would be possible to be happy in another life as a human.
>>278033
Not that wizzie but I believe there is an afterlife which will satisfy us. No life on earth will ever be satisfying.
Not that wizzie but I believe there is an afterlife which will satisfy us. No life on earth will ever be satisfying.
Any wizzies stuck in the suburbs with no car? I'd have to walk at least 5 miles to find the nearest store. Holy shit does it suck
>>278038
I used to be. I almost killed myself, barely made it out. It is NOT worth being alive in such a situation. True horror. Rows of the same fucking houses and lawns, nosy neighbours watching any second you step outside. Literally nowhere to go, legs wasting away from disuse
I used to be. I almost killed myself, barely made it out. It is NOT worth being alive in such a situation. True horror. Rows of the same fucking houses and lawns, nosy neighbours watching any second you step outside. Literally nowhere to go, legs wasting away from disuse
If I don't make it with crypto in 2 years, I'm going to kill myself.
Ever since working a full-time job, I've had no time to do anything and I'm been feeling horrible and tired ever since. I can't enjoy anything when I'm tired all the time.
I'm basically a slave.
Ever since working a full-time job, I've had no time to do anything and I'm been feeling horrible and tired ever since. I can't enjoy anything when I'm tired all the time.
I'm basically a slave.
A heart that's full up like a landfill
A job that slowly kills you
Bruises that won't heal
You look so tired, unhappy
Bring down the government
They don't, they don't speak for us
I'll take a quiet life
A handshake of carbon monoxide
This is my final fit
My final bellyache with
Such a pretty house
And such a pretty garden
No alarms and no surprises (get me out of here)
No alarms and no surprises (get me out of here)
No alarms and no surprises, please (get me out of here)
A job that slowly kills you
Bruises that won't heal
You look so tired, unhappy
Bring down the government
They don't, they don't speak for us
I'll take a quiet life
A handshake of carbon monoxide
This is my final fit
My final bellyache with
Such a pretty house
And such a pretty garden
No alarms and no surprises (get me out of here)
No alarms and no surprises (get me out of here)
No alarms and no surprises, please (get me out of here)
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Seems like fentanyl/heroin is the most peaceful suicide option.
You don't even have to shoot it up. You can just snort the white pure powder and you'll go under in a couple of minutes and then eventually overdose.
There is no pain associated with it. You are simply put to sleep, feel tired and drowsy and euphoric, then slipping into unconsciousness, then eventually overdose and death.
You don't even have to shoot it up. You can just snort the white pure powder and you'll go under in a couple of minutes and then eventually overdose.
There is no pain associated with it. You are simply put to sleep, feel tired and drowsy and euphoric, then slipping into unconsciousness, then eventually overdose and death.
>>278061
I’ve never done the research, but stories about people waking up while overdosing or vomiting and surviving seem prevalent, some being asleep for days and waking up. Is that easy to definitely overcome? Snorting it seems like vomiting wouldn’t matter.
I’ve never done the research, but stories about people waking up while overdosing or vomiting and surviving seem prevalent, some being asleep for days and waking up. Is that easy to definitely overcome? Snorting it seems like vomiting wouldn’t matter.
>>278062
I think the ld50 for fentanyl is around 3 mg. So, if you injected like 30 mg you're sure to die if you're opioid naive. It's important to note that the stuff you get off the street is not pure in the slightest; It's probably hovering around 10-15% fentanyl at best. That's how dangerous it is.
I think the ld50 for fentanyl is around 3 mg. So, if you injected like 30 mg you're sure to die if you're opioid naive. It's important to note that the stuff you get off the street is not pure in the slightest; It's probably hovering around 10-15% fentanyl at best. That's how dangerous it is.
>>278069
Want to correct myself. The lethal dose for fentanyl could be much lower than 3 mg.
Want to correct myself. The lethal dose for fentanyl could be much lower than 3 mg.
People with children actually discust me nowadays. Not all of them, mind you. I've met some good parents, but they're a minority. Most are absolute shit, they just create life with 0 thought, then make it everyone elses problem. I look down on most people who have kids the same way as animals. I don't care how edgy it sounds. I keep seeing it over and over again, people pop out babies and then put 0 effort into actually creating a good life for their offspring, properly educating them or even spending time with them. It sickens me.
>>278080
I have zero patience for people that have kids and then whine about how hard it is to be a parent. I also have zero patience for people that get a career and always complain about being busy all the time.
Like nigger, you actively chose this lifestyle? Get the fuck out of here. It's just a humblebrag too, because people equate being busy and stressed with being important.
I have zero patience for people that have kids and then whine about how hard it is to be a parent. I also have zero patience for people that get a career and always complain about being busy all the time.
Like nigger, you actively chose this lifestyle? Get the fuck out of here. It's just a humblebrag too, because people equate being busy and stressed with being important.
>>278080
Poor people or even most of middle class really shouldn't breed. Only who can give their children a good life and are well off to support their offsprings, even when they are losers and Neeta, should be allowed to have kids.
Poor people or even most of middle class really shouldn't breed. Only who can give their children a good life and are well off to support their offsprings, even when they are losers and Neeta, should be allowed to have kids.
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I don't know what to fucking do. I don't know what to do fucking do. If you gave me a billion dollars I would sit in my room and browse the same 2 sites over and over because there's nothing in the entire world which is of any value. If you told me I would die in 6 months I would sit here browsing the same 2 sites over and over. There's nothing to do. Nowhere to go. No one to be. Nothing to believe. Boring boring world boring so boring BORING.
Tried to vent on the depression sub on reddit since this place is dead and for no reason with 0 feedback my post didnt appear. That's just cruel. My account is not new and I never posted anything controversial.
>>278096
my pleasure receptors are fried but how could you be bored in this world of possibilities? maybe boredom is the wrong word?
my pleasure receptors are fried but how could you be bored in this world of possibilities? maybe boredom is the wrong word?
>>278098
What possibilities? Why would that be of any value anyway? It just means there's 1 trillion different ways to be bored.
What possibilities? Why would that be of any value anyway? It just means there's 1 trillion different ways to be bored.
>>278097
Too many depressed people now. Unless you're a roastie or your life is tragic in some way no one will pay attention on reddit.
Too many depressed people now. Unless you're a roastie or your life is tragic in some way no one will pay attention on reddit.
>>278100
yeah i feel that way about writing about my problems, its like unless you have a unique hook, its not even worth typing
yeah i feel that way about writing about my problems, its like unless you have a unique hook, its not even worth typing
>>278097
It’s possible that your post is being held until a mod looks at it and the releases it.
It’s possible that your post is being held until a mod looks at it and the releases it.
There is apparently a boycott on Reddit right now, to the people posting about it. Mods are angry about API access getting cucked.
>>278104
I don't know what that means and I don't care. Other people's misery does not make me feel better.
I don't know what that means and I don't care. Other people's misery does not make me feel better.
When depression disappears life is so fucking easy. Don't listen to normans about this shit.
>>278099
well even with no money and a shitty computer you have access to books, documentaries and video lectures on all kinds of topics. the value is in learning something new and getting a deeper understanding for how something works.
>>278100
>>278101
Yeah it's quite sad to see the front page of sorted by "new" being an endless wall of cries of agony all made just minutes ago. You yourself are feeling the pain intensely and want relief ASAP but disappear in the sea of other complaints.
>>278102
Maybe but usually you get an auto-mod message.
>>278108
You have experience?
well even with no money and a shitty computer you have access to books, documentaries and video lectures on all kinds of topics. the value is in learning something new and getting a deeper understanding for how something works.
>>278100
>>278101
Yeah it's quite sad to see the front page of sorted by "new" being an endless wall of cries of agony all made just minutes ago. You yourself are feeling the pain intensely and want relief ASAP but disappear in the sea of other complaints.
>>278102
Maybe but usually you get an auto-mod message.
>>278108
You have experience?
>>278109
>the value is in learning something new and getting a deeper understanding for how something works.
First you have to give a shit about something, so you're putting the cart before the horse
>the value is in learning something new and getting a deeper understanding for how something works.
First you have to give a shit about something, so you're putting the cart before the horse
>>278128
Boredom is active suffering. You can't be mistaken about being in pain or not so if you're not bothered by anything you're not bored.
Boredom is active suffering. You can't be mistaken about being in pain or not so if you're not bothered by anything you're not bored.
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Imageboards and online games feel like an invention of the devil.
It has been years that I got tired of imageboards and somehow they still manage to make me waste an entire day refreshing the catalog like a monkey.
Today I fell into the rabbit hole of youtube recommendations and it was such a richer experience it made me question why I would ever waste time on imageboards. In 30 minutes I can watch a mini-documentary that teaches me something about the world. Meanwhile 30 minutes on an imageboard go by fast without learning anything.
Same for online games. The ability to quickly jump into a 10-30 minute game and the familiarity of the gameplay is so addicting even if the game isn't satisfying. Meanwhile singleplayer games require a time commitment and may have unpleasant parts like the dreaded underwater escort levels.
Is it time for me to accept that I am mentally weak and just quit imageboards and online games fullstop? No "I will just check this board when waking up and I will just play 1 game". I've been frustrated by how slow wizchan has gotten but it might actually be for the better in the end.
It has been years that I got tired of imageboards and somehow they still manage to make me waste an entire day refreshing the catalog like a monkey.
Today I fell into the rabbit hole of youtube recommendations and it was such a richer experience it made me question why I would ever waste time on imageboards. In 30 minutes I can watch a mini-documentary that teaches me something about the world. Meanwhile 30 minutes on an imageboard go by fast without learning anything.
Same for online games. The ability to quickly jump into a 10-30 minute game and the familiarity of the gameplay is so addicting even if the game isn't satisfying. Meanwhile singleplayer games require a time commitment and may have unpleasant parts like the dreaded underwater escort levels.
Is it time for me to accept that I am mentally weak and just quit imageboards and online games fullstop? No "I will just check this board when waking up and I will just play 1 game". I've been frustrated by how slow wizchan has gotten but it might actually be for the better in the end.
>>278180
If you stop framing these things arbitrarily as a waste of time you'll most likely feel better about it all. Really there is no ultimate difference whether you learn something or just read some anonymous shitpost. In fact I'd say imageboards and online games fulfill an important role for hikki NEETs by giving us our fill of social stimulation during the day, which is just as important as learning. Unfortunately we are monkeys and not robots so our brains just naturally drift to these activities that seem illogical and pointless, I too would rather pack my day with deep meaningful activities but unfortunately it's just not possible, so there's no real use in worrying about it as far as I'm concerned. Embrace the waste
If you stop framing these things arbitrarily as a waste of time you'll most likely feel better about it all. Really there is no ultimate difference whether you learn something or just read some anonymous shitpost. In fact I'd say imageboards and online games fulfill an important role for hikki NEETs by giving us our fill of social stimulation during the day, which is just as important as learning. Unfortunately we are monkeys and not robots so our brains just naturally drift to these activities that seem illogical and pointless, I too would rather pack my day with deep meaningful activities but unfortunately it's just not possible, so there's no real use in worrying about it as far as I'm concerned. Embrace the waste
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>>278181
>arbitrarily
It's not arbitrary. On these fast imageboards most posts are shitposts. But just the possibility, no matter how small, of something interesting or funny popping up for the small investment of pressing F5 makes imageboards very addictive. It's like playing slots but you pay with your time. Every F5 press takes just a second so it's easy to convince myself to just refresh one time only for it to add up to hours. Same reason why I manage to procrastinate things for years by just telling myself I will start tomorrow.
The way posting on imageboards works is not comparable to even chatting online so it's a bad substitute.
>arbitrarily
It's not arbitrary. On these fast imageboards most posts are shitposts. But just the possibility, no matter how small, of something interesting or funny popping up for the small investment of pressing F5 makes imageboards very addictive. It's like playing slots but you pay with your time. Every F5 press takes just a second so it's easy to convince myself to just refresh one time only for it to add up to hours. Same reason why I manage to procrastinate things for years by just telling myself I will start tomorrow.
The way posting on imageboards works is not comparable to even chatting online so it's a bad substitute.
Life is a negative experience
Because of you said that it isn't, and that your life is great, I want to hurt you
Because of you said that it isn't, and that your life is great, I want to hurt you
>>278185
I exercise, lift weights and get 8 hours of sleep a night but i'm somehow always tired. And this is while I'm living a NEET life. How do normalfags work a job, get groceries, clean, maintain relationships all in 1 day?
If I work for more than 2 hours i'm exhausted and need to sleep.
I exercise, lift weights and get 8 hours of sleep a night but i'm somehow always tired. And this is while I'm living a NEET life. How do normalfags work a job, get groceries, clean, maintain relationships all in 1 day?
If I work for more than 2 hours i'm exhausted and need to sleep.
Sitting outside feels so relaxing. Weirdly I let my social anxiety build up to the point it's still an effort for me, but I'll make it a habit.
>>278187
I haven't slept at all in two nights so it's hard for me to relate. If I could get 8 hours sleep a night, I'd be complaining a lot less.
Maybe check out your diet ig.
I haven't slept at all in two nights so it's hard for me to relate. If I could get 8 hours sleep a night, I'd be complaining a lot less.
Maybe check out your diet ig.
Quit my job after only three weeks because I could not cope with the social interaction and busy working environment. Pissed off my family because I had been a NEET for 4 years before this, but I just cannot function with so many things and people going on around me. I constantly feel like I'm spacing out and on the verge of a panic attack.
31 years old and I still have not found my place in this world, still acting like a confused 18 year old who has time to decide his future.
31 years old and I still have not found my place in this world, still acting like a confused 18 year old who has time to decide his future.
>>278192
There are very few jobs that are tolerable, mostly jobs where you work at night, like security or janitorial work.
There are very few jobs that are tolerable, mostly jobs where you work at night, like security or janitorial work.
The amount of times i have to do the 'pretend to give a shit act' with the people i have do deal with in life, is getting abit silly billy.
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>spend most days depressed or angry because my life and the world are both awful
>decided yesterday to simply stop caring and not be bothered by the many things I can't change
>actually felt pretty good for the rest of the day
>even did some exercise and got a bit more sleep
>today
>went to work feeling decent
>at some point, for no identifiable reason, my mood rapidly declined
>got stuck in agonizing sorrow for roughly 6-7 hours until it was time to go home
Normally when I'm depressed or angry, I know why. There's a reason behind my mood and I know what that reason is, but today I was at a loss. I clearly felt horrible, but I couldn't work out why, I couldn't pinpoint the cause of my pain. I know happiness is fleeting, but this is getting ridiculous.
>decided yesterday to simply stop caring and not be bothered by the many things I can't change
>actually felt pretty good for the rest of the day
>even did some exercise and got a bit more sleep
>today
>went to work feeling decent
>at some point, for no identifiable reason, my mood rapidly declined
>got stuck in agonizing sorrow for roughly 6-7 hours until it was time to go home
Normally when I'm depressed or angry, I know why. There's a reason behind my mood and I know what that reason is, but today I was at a loss. I clearly felt horrible, but I couldn't work out why, I couldn't pinpoint the cause of my pain. I know happiness is fleeting, but this is getting ridiculous.
I hate summer so much, not only is it uncomfortable just existing, being lethargic and humid, but it facilitates open windows in every room so there's just constant noise all the time. If it isn't the neighbors yapping away in their garden (virtually right below my window) it's some dog squealing. Can't relax or concentrate, hate it.
I decided to use up the last of an old drug I used to abuse. Take some, I get awful anxiety I never felt before. I don't get it. Why am I not allowed to enjoy anything?
I just don't get it
I just don't get it
Trying to ignore problems makes me unstable, but also acknowledging them also makes me unstable.
It's hard to move on, it's like I'm stuck in limbo.
It's hard to move on, it's like I'm stuck in limbo.
>>278217
It can be really irritating when people are outside more during summer. A couple days ago there was a succubus literally flirting with a guy on the street right next to my window at night. Then there's also a fair share of young zoomers who throw loud parties when the parents are gone and sometimes partying zoomers suddenly march through the streets at night being loud as fuck. Somehow I prefer hearing the usual tipsy boomer banter over drunk and high zoomers.
It can be really irritating when people are outside more during summer. A couple days ago there was a succubus literally flirting with a guy on the street right next to my window at night. Then there's also a fair share of young zoomers who throw loud parties when the parents are gone and sometimes partying zoomers suddenly march through the streets at night being loud as fuck. Somehow I prefer hearing the usual tipsy boomer banter over drunk and high zoomers.
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>>278192
>31 years old and I still have not found my place in this world, still acting like a confused 18 year old who has time to decide his future.
literally me
it feels like i spent my 20s in a coma
i can barely remember what i did all these years
>31 years old and I still have not found my place in this world, still acting like a confused 18 year old who has time to decide his future.
literally me
it feels like i spent my 20s in a coma
i can barely remember what i did all these years
I'm legitimately too low IQ for college. I can't even do basic mathematics, I still use my fingers to do calculations lol. This was a massive mistake.
im almost glad that im as rejected online as im in person. even when im nothing but text on a screen, with no material identity. it means i cant blame my physical mannerisms. its my very mind and soul that repulse humanity. i could be anyone behind the screen
or maybe my interactions in the physical world created this personality that stinks even in anon
or maybe my interactions in the physical world created this personality that stinks even in anon
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I can't take this anymore…
I rented my spare room out again. This time the guy that came in was just -too- happy and always praising me constantly. I knew right away something was up.
Then he tries to wrangle me into committing welfare fraud by lying about the bond amount, getting welfare to pay it, and then he'd split the cash with me. When I go "lol nah" all the glib happiness stopped in an instant and he doesn't speak to me. The fact that I'd owe a thousand dollar debt to him legally on paper means I'd be a fucking retard to do so.
But I'm more annoyed that I seem like that sort of gullible retard that he even tried it. It's funny how I always worry about breaking the law over the most minor shit, but there's people that just perpetually perform the same obvious, illegal hustles year in, year out and just get away with it.
Then he tries to wrangle me into committing welfare fraud by lying about the bond amount, getting welfare to pay it, and then he'd split the cash with me. When I go "lol nah" all the glib happiness stopped in an instant and he doesn't speak to me. The fact that I'd owe a thousand dollar debt to him legally on paper means I'd be a fucking retard to do so.
But I'm more annoyed that I seem like that sort of gullible retard that he even tried it. It's funny how I always worry about breaking the law over the most minor shit, but there's people that just perpetually perform the same obvious, illegal hustles year in, year out and just get away with it.
>>278230
I see where you're coming from because I feel more or less the same way.
I've spent a long time blaming everyone and everything around me for some of the things that happened to me, as if external things were to blame. There's nothing or anyone to blame. I'm just a not very pleasant person, I have it in me to think about myself like I'm better, I've lied to everyone around me from an early age, among some other things. I live off of attention and pity, I'm not trying to say that I'm so fucked up or anything as if I'm proud of it or something, it just feels like to me as if there's an issue with who I am as a person on the inside. Sounds pretty dramatic, but I think it'd be better if I just didn't exist.
I see where you're coming from because I feel more or less the same way.
I've spent a long time blaming everyone and everything around me for some of the things that happened to me, as if external things were to blame. There's nothing or anyone to blame. I'm just a not very pleasant person, I have it in me to think about myself like I'm better, I've lied to everyone around me from an early age, among some other things. I live off of attention and pity, I'm not trying to say that I'm so fucked up or anything as if I'm proud of it or something, it just feels like to me as if there's an issue with who I am as a person on the inside. Sounds pretty dramatic, but I think it'd be better if I just didn't exist.
It's not like I can blame things from being deprived of anything specific, I've felt neglect before and it doesn't bother me that much, I managed life in my own way and I felt satisfied to the point of not needing anything else. I just don't know what I want to do in life and if it'll actually make me happy if I ended up doing these things.
I've spent over $400 on various nootropics hoping to find something that fixes my anhedonia and lack of motivation. So far, nothing
And before you say it's a waste of money. There's basically nothing I want to buy with the money otherwise. It just sits in my bank account
And before you say it's a waste of money. There's basically nothing I want to buy with the money otherwise. It just sits in my bank account
>>278251
>There's basically nothing I want to buy with the money otherwise. It just sits in my bank account
You could send it to me, so I can buy lots of cool gaming PC parts (I need a gaming PC to cure depression)
>There's basically nothing I want to buy with the money otherwise. It just sits in my bank account
You could send it to me, so I can buy lots of cool gaming PC parts (I need a gaming PC to cure depression)
>>278251
Nootropics are placebo and I've tried many.
If they worked, they would be illegal substances.
Nootropics are placebo and I've tried many.
If they worked, they would be illegal substances.
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I suffer in silence
I try to push down the negative thoughts, the anxiety, the absolute state of fear and panic, but it just makes it worse.
It feels like I'm rotting from the inside out and I don't know what to do.
I try to push down the negative thoughts, the anxiety, the absolute state of fear and panic, but it just makes it worse.
It feels like I'm rotting from the inside out and I don't know what to do.
>>278260
Even so, it's something to do. I've gone through every hobby and vidya and nothing even slightly disturbs the apathy now. So bored, it hurts
Even so, it's something to do. I've gone through every hobby and vidya and nothing even slightly disturbs the apathy now. So bored, it hurts
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>>278275
Half of my parents are dead, and the remaining half fear me and what I would do, especially if I had a helicopter.
Half of my parents are dead, and the remaining half fear me and what I would do, especially if I had a helicopter.
>>278275
I've learnt to shut up about certain things when talking to my mother because she would constantly get in my shit and try to manage me like a toddler even though im an adult. I think helicopter parenting prevented me from learning basic grown up stuff because my mother never gave me enough chances to make mistakes and instead managed me in any way possible. She also often gave me bad anxiety about things with her neurotic bullshit. The best solution for invasive parents is to keep them in the dark even if you have to lie. Lying to your parents is not a bad thing and it prevents a headache for both parties so it's a win win situation. Keep comversations light and try to not mention anything of importance and when they ask about stuff just act like there is nothing to worry about. Treat them like any other clueless boomer.
I remember a wizard from many years ago who managed to make his parents believe that everything is fine and that he has a gf even though he was sleeping in his car every night.
I've learnt to shut up about certain things when talking to my mother because she would constantly get in my shit and try to manage me like a toddler even though im an adult. I think helicopter parenting prevented me from learning basic grown up stuff because my mother never gave me enough chances to make mistakes and instead managed me in any way possible. She also often gave me bad anxiety about things with her neurotic bullshit. The best solution for invasive parents is to keep them in the dark even if you have to lie. Lying to your parents is not a bad thing and it prevents a headache for both parties so it's a win win situation. Keep comversations light and try to not mention anything of importance and when they ask about stuff just act like there is nothing to worry about. Treat them like any other clueless boomer.
I remember a wizard from many years ago who managed to make his parents believe that everything is fine and that he has a gf even though he was sleeping in his car every night.
>>278280
Precisely the same for me. The goal of a parent should be to raise an independent human, but anxious helicopter parents seem intent on transmitting fear and making their children feel like they are useless subhumans.
Precisely the same for me. The goal of a parent should be to raise an independent human, but anxious helicopter parents seem intent on transmitting fear and making their children feel like they are useless subhumans.
>>278251
It's good to try. I've been reading about nootropics for years but always was too lazy to figure out the right stack and order everything and too scared to trust some random dude online with the dosages.
It's good to try. I've been reading about nootropics for years but always was too lazy to figure out the right stack and order everything and too scared to trust some random dude online with the dosages.
>>278292
I would recommend trying stuff like amphetamines. They didn't work for me but some get a burst of motivation from them that lets them be productive for 2-4 hours.
They just gave me bad anxiety.
I would recommend trying stuff like amphetamines. They didn't work for me but some get a burst of motivation from them that lets them be productive for 2-4 hours.
They just gave me bad anxiety.
I had no idea it was possible to be this hollow. Years ago I thought 'this is it, I can't feel worse than this' so funny, everything is so different now. I didn't know how good I had it. It can get indefinably worse, I know that now.
>>278301
There's a rule which always seems to be true - "No matter how bad things are right now, you will reminisce about these times in the future"
It's never failed me.
There's a rule which always seems to be true - "No matter how bad things are right now, you will reminisce about these times in the future"
It's never failed me.
Recently I noticed that stopping myself from having certain types of thoughts, like how people judge me, really improves the way I feel. I just focus on the presence instead.
However, this approach is antithetical to what is praised in psychology, which is to understand the root cause of why I'm having these thoughts to begin with.
A therapist would say that I am suppressing something, which could lead to erratic behavior.
I just feel free. At the same time, I feel much more powerful as a man and as a wizard. Like I no longer require human validation, or even connection.
However, this approach is antithetical to what is praised in psychology, which is to understand the root cause of why I'm having these thoughts to begin with.
A therapist would say that I am suppressing something, which could lead to erratic behavior.
I just feel free. At the same time, I feel much more powerful as a man and as a wizard. Like I no longer require human validation, or even connection.
I'm in a strange situation with my autism where people think I'm a gullible fool, and will try to bait and manipulate me into certain situations. Except with me it blows up in their faces and they lose jobs or face huge consequences for their gayops, leaving with their tail hanging between their legs.
It plays out the same way, I'm indifferent to people and just like to politely get along with them. And while they're constantly praising me and telling me I'm the man, getting in close, I'm like "cool cool" and not really caring. Then they switch to aggressively demanding something, try bullying me or try to pressure me to do something wrong, and then I all at once just roll on them to authority figures, stating explicitly what was said and what happens in detail, and they get dealt to.
I've cost many people jobs this way and I just can't work out what it is about me that attracts this sort of attention. Why I seem to signal weakness constantly. They legitimately think they're getting close to me with all the praise, but I just don't care to correct them I guess.
It plays out the same way, I'm indifferent to people and just like to politely get along with them. And while they're constantly praising me and telling me I'm the man, getting in close, I'm like "cool cool" and not really caring. Then they switch to aggressively demanding something, try bullying me or try to pressure me to do something wrong, and then I all at once just roll on them to authority figures, stating explicitly what was said and what happens in detail, and they get dealt to.
I've cost many people jobs this way and I just can't work out what it is about me that attracts this sort of attention. Why I seem to signal weakness constantly. They legitimately think they're getting close to me with all the praise, but I just don't care to correct them I guess.
>>278332
Lack of aggression or the unwillingness to act with force are equally perceived by the rabble as signs of weakness. Kindness is taken to be weakness by succubi and most men. Their brains are judging filters that are querying for the dominant social elements in their environment; if you register to them as different and passive, they will rank you at a lower position and target you for manipulation. I don't necessarily think you are "signalling weakness" but rather you are signalling "differentness/difference" by appearing socially self-contained and this registers to their normie hive-brain as something that is irregular and so vulnerable and exploitable.
Lack of aggression or the unwillingness to act with force are equally perceived by the rabble as signs of weakness. Kindness is taken to be weakness by succubi and most men. Their brains are judging filters that are querying for the dominant social elements in their environment; if you register to them as different and passive, they will rank you at a lower position and target you for manipulation. I don't necessarily think you are "signalling weakness" but rather you are signalling "differentness/difference" by appearing socially self-contained and this registers to their normie hive-brain as something that is irregular and so vulnerable and exploitable.
>>278317
my concerns about it, based on modern psychology, have been validated
suppressing thoughts and feelings is no good, i feel like shit now after doing it for a while, constantly on edge and in fight or flight mode
gonna try to just accept the thoughts, let them in, observe them, maybe try to understand them, otherwise focus on what im doing, but never suppress them
my concerns about it, based on modern psychology, have been validated
suppressing thoughts and feelings is no good, i feel like shit now after doing it for a while, constantly on edge and in fight or flight mode
gonna try to just accept the thoughts, let them in, observe them, maybe try to understand them, otherwise focus on what im doing, but never suppress them
>>278343
But to then exploit him with illgeal activities? I dont know man maybe hes just around bad people. I cant imagine it being a common enough mentality for different people to try and ponzi him multiple times. Well considering that throught the years there have been various "business trickery" tv shows for the masses to consume, maybe the "normal" people consider it ok to act like scum. It does not encourage me to want to exist in society
But to then exploit him with illgeal activities? I dont know man maybe hes just around bad people. I cant imagine it being a common enough mentality for different people to try and ponzi him multiple times. Well considering that throught the years there have been various "business trickery" tv shows for the masses to consume, maybe the "normal" people consider it ok to act like scum. It does not encourage me to want to exist in society
>>278343
>>278396
The thing is, it's the normies I see getting sucked in by the same people. When they interact with me they get fucked over, but I see older guys or other pathetic guys at work falling for the charm and having these guys move in with them. Codependent insecure types latching onto a glib sociopath for validation is something I see at every second medium sized company. And there's a fair amount of financial leeching and abuse that comes from that pairing, one is not paying rent, getting the other guy to pay for drinks, etc.
Nobody on wizchan has been a victim to that sort of parasitic lifestyle, despite us being lonelier and more desperate than most. What's the explanation? Neurotypicals are just that fucking stupid I guess.
>>278396
The thing is, it's the normies I see getting sucked in by the same people. When they interact with me they get fucked over, but I see older guys or other pathetic guys at work falling for the charm and having these guys move in with them. Codependent insecure types latching onto a glib sociopath for validation is something I see at every second medium sized company. And there's a fair amount of financial leeching and abuse that comes from that pairing, one is not paying rent, getting the other guy to pay for drinks, etc.
Nobody on wizchan has been a victim to that sort of parasitic lifestyle, despite us being lonelier and more desperate than most. What's the explanation? Neurotypicals are just that fucking stupid I guess.
I keep talking to people and I think back to some of the stuff I say recently and it makes it sound like I either consider myself above others or interesting in some way, there's part of me that might have some confidence but I really don't think I am either of those things, I just want to try and have a conversation that's interesting to me and unfortunately the only things that are relevant to me are things related to me, and this is due to the fact that I haven't experienced anything exciting or anything at all in my life, making it seem like I am self-centered and it just comes off the wrong way.
>>278408
Most people you will see in daily life who go outside and use a car instead of a personal limo or plane pretty much are low iq subhumans. More than half the delivery drivers here in Japan can't even get my food order correct or make a mistake on the address and they are supposed to be the highest iq humans on earth. Every cashier looks like they should be gassed in a chamber instead of being kept alive. Mail workers will make mistakes that even small children know not to do. Just being good at 1 thing is somehow enough for low IQ groids to live a comfortable life.
Most people you will see in daily life who go outside and use a car instead of a personal limo or plane pretty much are low iq subhumans. More than half the delivery drivers here in Japan can't even get my food order correct or make a mistake on the address and they are supposed to be the highest iq humans on earth. Every cashier looks like they should be gassed in a chamber instead of being kept alive. Mail workers will make mistakes that even small children know not to do. Just being good at 1 thing is somehow enough for low IQ groids to live a comfortable life.
>>278403
The fun comes when you reveal the sociopaths' game while ashaming the victims for it. Chaos ensues pretty slow yet guaranteed.
The fun comes when you reveal the sociopaths' game while ashaming the victims for it. Chaos ensues pretty slow yet guaranteed.
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Imagine spending your life trying to use some massive combination of techniques, philosophy, different therapies, religion, drugs, and everything under the kitchen sink just trying to get yourself to do shit like have a shower. Such mental complexity and work to do basic shit.
And then when you aren't depressed after weeks you see how it's effortless. Easy, so easy. All this meaningless complexity and struggle.
I can not fucking wait to blow my brains out. Struggle is so meaningful, yeah, well he's two slugs of struggle straight to the brain.
And then when you aren't depressed after weeks you see how it's effortless. Easy, so easy. All this meaningless complexity and struggle.
I can not fucking wait to blow my brains out. Struggle is so meaningful, yeah, well he's two slugs of struggle straight to the brain.
>>278471
>Imagine spending your life trying to use some massive combination of techniques, philosophy, different therapies, religion, drugs, and everything under the kitchen sink just trying to get yourself to do shit like have a shower.
I don't have to imagine it. I've probably tried over 25 drugs in the effort to give myself motivation to read a book. Everything from SSRIs to amphetamines to nootropics
>Imagine spending your life trying to use some massive combination of techniques, philosophy, different therapies, religion, drugs, and everything under the kitchen sink just trying to get yourself to do shit like have a shower.
I don't have to imagine it. I've probably tried over 25 drugs in the effort to give myself motivation to read a book. Everything from SSRIs to amphetamines to nootropics
>>278471
I did everything I could and I still feel empty and unsatisifed. If you keep wanting something, you're probably not gonna get it or if you do you'll won 't feel at peace with yourself anyways.
I did everything I could and I still feel empty and unsatisifed. If you keep wanting something, you're probably not gonna get it or if you do you'll won 't feel at peace with yourself anyways.
I haven't achieved anything in my life be it money intellectual achievements study work or anything, there's literally nothing I can fall back on and say that I have done that and managed those things and that maybe some other people might not have in my position.
I don't even have the ability to say something like maybe I didn't achieve those things that other people might have, maybe I didn't manage to get money as I could have, but I could have had other qualities to me like maybe I was a nice person, sympathetic towards others and had some type of emotional value where people could have said that I might have failed in conventional things in life but at least I was a good person. I don't even have that, I've been a shitty person for about as long as I can remember and money and success should have been my saving grace to manage to navigate society in a way where I wouldn't feel like I was worthless every day but it never happened. It's like it's all a front, everything I do, everything I say, everything about me exudes some form of confidence in something that never happened, I act as if I might have some self-worth be it considered confidence or whatever else, but it's just like I don't have a reason to behave like that, I have no idea why I feel these things if it's because I feel shallow and need to compensate, I am tired of feeling inadequate in some form, I have to do stuff to forget about these things.
I don't even have the ability to say something like maybe I didn't achieve those things that other people might have, maybe I didn't manage to get money as I could have, but I could have had other qualities to me like maybe I was a nice person, sympathetic towards others and had some type of emotional value where people could have said that I might have failed in conventional things in life but at least I was a good person. I don't even have that, I've been a shitty person for about as long as I can remember and money and success should have been my saving grace to manage to navigate society in a way where I wouldn't feel like I was worthless every day but it never happened. It's like it's all a front, everything I do, everything I say, everything about me exudes some form of confidence in something that never happened, I act as if I might have some self-worth be it considered confidence or whatever else, but it's just like I don't have a reason to behave like that, I have no idea why I feel these things if it's because I feel shallow and need to compensate, I am tired of feeling inadequate in some form, I have to do stuff to forget about these things.
I'm so beyond all of the things required for people to do. I feel like everything in life is a contest and I've reached a point where I stopped caring about not only just people but even myself. People do things in life, whatever it is, it's a competition for popularity indirectly. I get if you like specific things, I get if you're interested and you decide to do these things and get good at doing them, but then to me it feels like as soon as you share then you're just like everyone else and I don't care about you. I just don't get the point behind why people do what they do and why they see a purpose and feel happy and fulfilled when I am so far from being able to achieve the same. I keep thinking to myself that if the world were inhabited by people like me that nothing would work out. It feels like I was born to exist in a world of comfort where I can get away with doing nothing, I thank fuck that I live in a time where I have a bunch of people feel the same way because if I existed in primitive times where I had to live in a way where I'd need to put effort into life to survive I'd starve and die.
>>278503
You care deeply about the opinions of people with whom you wouldn't want to spend 5 minutes alone.
You care deeply about the opinions of people with whom you wouldn't want to spend 5 minutes alone.
I just wish I fit in at work. I don't even mind my job all that much, it's not luxurious and the pay is kinda low for what I put myself through but it's not THAT bad.
The problem is half the people there are toxic. They're just mean spirited and talk shit about everyone behind their backs, so I know they're talking shit about me behind mine.
Some of them belittle me and make me feel like an idiot, which okay I can be a total idiot but I don't understand why it's hard to just be NICE to people. It's like middle school all over again.
I keep having to remind myself that I shouldn't care about the opinions of others, that I should focus on being a good and kind person whenever I can. But I remember back to my school days when, surprise surprise, ignoring people and being nice to everyone simply doesn't work.
It feels so cut throat sometimes and it's simply exhausting. I really don't want to find a new job because I'm decent at this job and I like the flexibility. But I'm tired. I just wish people were kinder and less judgemental. I just wish I felt like I belonged, that's all I've ever wanted and I feel like I've never truly had that.
The problem is half the people there are toxic. They're just mean spirited and talk shit about everyone behind their backs, so I know they're talking shit about me behind mine.
Some of them belittle me and make me feel like an idiot, which okay I can be a total idiot but I don't understand why it's hard to just be NICE to people. It's like middle school all over again.
I keep having to remind myself that I shouldn't care about the opinions of others, that I should focus on being a good and kind person whenever I can. But I remember back to my school days when, surprise surprise, ignoring people and being nice to everyone simply doesn't work.
It feels so cut throat sometimes and it's simply exhausting. I really don't want to find a new job because I'm decent at this job and I like the flexibility. But I'm tired. I just wish people were kinder and less judgemental. I just wish I felt like I belonged, that's all I've ever wanted and I feel like I've never truly had that.
>>278544
You need to get a job working with mostly older men. Older men really don't care to gossip or shit-talk as much, and just want to get the job done.
I'm bewildered at how much this workplace backstabbing, gossip and gayops costs businesses. Every second major retail outlet suffers because the middle aged roasties they employ to do the job just can't help but shit over everyone. I'd literally go ER, live homeless or bludge on NEETbux rather than do that sort of work as a 30+ year old male.
You need to get a job working with mostly older men. Older men really don't care to gossip or shit-talk as much, and just want to get the job done.
I'm bewildered at how much this workplace backstabbing, gossip and gayops costs businesses. Every second major retail outlet suffers because the middle aged roasties they employ to do the job just can't help but shit over everyone. I'd literally go ER, live homeless or bludge on NEETbux rather than do that sort of work as a 30+ year old male.
How many of you wizzies have siblings? Are they similar to you in terms of position in life or are they more successful?
>>278541
Everyone sins, correct. That doesn't mean you can just simply give up and be vain.
Everyone sins, correct. That doesn't mean you can just simply give up and be vain.
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any cutters here?
cut again today with a rusty box cutter that I deliberately never wash.
too chickenshit to go deep enough to hit the "yellow" part
cut again today with a rusty box cutter that I deliberately never wash.
too chickenshit to go deep enough to hit the "yellow" part
>>278570
No need for scars if you can just hurt your nipples, man.
Also, what do people who hurt theirselves this way have in common? Guilt? I have experienced many downs but never thought about hurting myself this way
No need for scars if you can just hurt your nipples, man.
Also, what do people who hurt theirselves this way have in common? Guilt? I have experienced many downs but never thought about hurting myself this way
>>278571
for me personaly it's a mixture of:
** conformism : there is a stereotype that people who cut themselves are losers and I feel compelled to conform to it
** I use cutting as "training" for suicide. I hope to gradually get desensitized to pain and the idea of wounding myself so that one day I might be able to rope. Not sure if it works
not guilt in my case because my situation is due to external factors (genes)
ironically I also do hurt my nipples lol
for me personaly it's a mixture of:
** conformism : there is a stereotype that people who cut themselves are losers and I feel compelled to conform to it
** I use cutting as "training" for suicide. I hope to gradually get desensitized to pain and the idea of wounding myself so that one day I might be able to rope. Not sure if it works
not guilt in my case because my situation is due to external factors (genes)
ironically I also do hurt my nipples lol
>>278565
Older or younger? If she was your older sibling you probably had a lot to live up to. How do your parents feel about it?
Older or younger? If she was your older sibling you probably had a lot to live up to. How do your parents feel about it?
>>278569
Crystal Cafe, reddit, and tiktok are across the street. But seriously, I'm telling you, if you want to talk about it, go to succubi's places, or transvestite places, since for some reason it's something they do a lot.
Crystal Cafe, reddit, and tiktok are across the street. But seriously, I'm telling you, if you want to talk about it, go to succubi's places, or transvestite places, since for some reason it's something they do a lot.
>>278569
I cut when I was 16. Really medieval stuff. It ruined my fucking life. I'm 30 now.
I cut when I was 16. Really medieval stuff. It ruined my fucking life. I'm 30 now.
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Another day I wasted just browsing the internet aimlessly. Why am I reading discussions about movies I never watched? I have ideas for how to better spend my day like reading, learning how to draw, learning how to cook… but doing anything but lying down or sitting at the computer feels like lifting heavy furniture. And I am past the point where I enjoyed the distractions… I know I don't care about the stuff I read but yet I keep refreshing the catalog. I couldn't even get myself to play one of the PC games I bought years ago on sale.
>>278705
Cutting exists on different extremes. There's no end of extreme cutting in prisons and so on, and it's a common way to deal with extreme mental stress. Self mutilation is common in animals as well as human. Now, I don't want to see it, read about it, or have anything to do with it. But I will defend people getting shit on.
OP is a bit silly though talking about never washing wanting to get an infection.
Cutting exists on different extremes. There's no end of extreme cutting in prisons and so on, and it's a common way to deal with extreme mental stress. Self mutilation is common in animals as well as human. Now, I don't want to see it, read about it, or have anything to do with it. But I will defend people getting shit on.
OP is a bit silly though talking about never washing wanting to get an infection.
>>278569
I think you should move to drugs anon. If you're going to be self-destructive have some fun
I think you should move to drugs anon. If you're going to be self-destructive have some fun
>>278705
I know. Being a figurative faggot is part of the reasons why i cut to start with.
Dont know where to get drugs in my neighborhood
I know. Being a figurative faggot is part of the reasons why i cut to start with.
Dont know where to get drugs in my neighborhood
I rejected a minimum wage retail job offer a year ago because I thought things had to be better elsewhere. Well the pay is better elsewhere but I'm not getting it. In that time I have had several interviews but failed to secure a job anywhere else. I have zero standards at this point I apply to every shitty fast food place or retail or restaurant and even tried the factory.
I prepare and prepare for the precious few interviews I get ready for all kinds of questions and get the most phoned in half ass attempts from interviewers who are obviously just checking me off a box right away. I redid my resume and online profile on sites like indeed. I have a reference on hand nobody has even bothered to ask for. I don't have a criminal record. I have good reasons with documentation to explain at least half of my admittedly big work gap, but no one ever asked about the gap in detail anyways. None of them ask me jack shit besides just confirming my info and one or two canned questions like, "Why do you want to work for us" now that I think about it. I spend over an hour on just making sure my appearance is ok because at this point I'm thinking maybe I have a random swastika or something branded on my forehead I'm not aware of that's spooking anyone and you can only see it at a certain angle of light what other possible reason could make this whole process so awful.
Last interview was a Wendy's of all places. I show up 12 minutes early. Interviewer is 7 minutes late. I have to go up to the front counter twice to remind them that there's supposed to be an interview happening, obviously in more polite language than I'm using now. She looks surprised when an employee tells her as she walks in that I'm there. Shows up with a piece of scrap paper and has to write my info down so they checked nothing beforehand and she told me she'd only been there a month herself. No job offer. Previous interview was months before that, next is who knows when.
I can't talk about this to anyone in real life because nobody wants to work anymore and they'll take anyone off the street and one of my coworkers is a druggie they hire literally anyone these days and that place you have 3 closed applications with is hiring you should try them and just magically spawn thousands of dollars and a credit line and a car and move.
Supposedly from crawling around online people in tech and other industries are experiencing this as well, with a couple sudden drops where recruiters just stopped calling people or people working in companies saw massive drops in hiring. But I'm not trying to get a cushy coding job or admin position in a big city I'm just trying to just put boxes on a shelf or flip a fucking burger it shouldn't be this hard. And I know these places have high turnover rates and aren't just running skeleton crews on purpose they're replacing employees with other people never me.
I prepare and prepare for the precious few interviews I get ready for all kinds of questions and get the most phoned in half ass attempts from interviewers who are obviously just checking me off a box right away. I redid my resume and online profile on sites like indeed. I have a reference on hand nobody has even bothered to ask for. I don't have a criminal record. I have good reasons with documentation to explain at least half of my admittedly big work gap, but no one ever asked about the gap in detail anyways. None of them ask me jack shit besides just confirming my info and one or two canned questions like, "Why do you want to work for us" now that I think about it. I spend over an hour on just making sure my appearance is ok because at this point I'm thinking maybe I have a random swastika or something branded on my forehead I'm not aware of that's spooking anyone and you can only see it at a certain angle of light what other possible reason could make this whole process so awful.
Last interview was a Wendy's of all places. I show up 12 minutes early. Interviewer is 7 minutes late. I have to go up to the front counter twice to remind them that there's supposed to be an interview happening, obviously in more polite language than I'm using now. She looks surprised when an employee tells her as she walks in that I'm there. Shows up with a piece of scrap paper and has to write my info down so they checked nothing beforehand and she told me she'd only been there a month herself. No job offer. Previous interview was months before that, next is who knows when.
I can't talk about this to anyone in real life because nobody wants to work anymore and they'll take anyone off the street and one of my coworkers is a druggie they hire literally anyone these days and that place you have 3 closed applications with is hiring you should try them and just magically spawn thousands of dollars and a credit line and a car and move.
Supposedly from crawling around online people in tech and other industries are experiencing this as well, with a couple sudden drops where recruiters just stopped calling people or people working in companies saw massive drops in hiring. But I'm not trying to get a cushy coding job or admin position in a big city I'm just trying to just put boxes on a shelf or flip a fucking burger it shouldn't be this hard. And I know these places have high turnover rates and aren't just running skeleton crews on purpose they're replacing employees with other people never me.
>>278591
She is older. But ah, for various reasons my parents never seemed to expect much from me. Which is a double edged sword.
How about you?
She is older. But ah, for various reasons my parents never seemed to expect much from me. Which is a double edged sword.
How about you?
There's absolutely nothing to do.
I'm so bored.
Why does life have to be so fucking boring?
I really hope there's no eternal life after death. If this life is boring, imagine life in Heaven…
I'm so bored.
Why does life have to be so fucking boring?
I really hope there's no eternal life after death. If this life is boring, imagine life in Heaven…
>>278760
i wanted to tell you something but im not very sure if it is going to be useful so take this alphabet and arrange the letters so they form the words you want to hear
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N Ñ O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
i wanted to tell you something but im not very sure if it is going to be useful so take this alphabet and arrange the letters so they form the words you want to hear
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N Ñ O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
File: 1687758918566.jpg (2.73 MB, 3024x4032, 3:4, ophidian.jpg) ImgOps iqdb
>>278813
Don't worry- there was never a chance you'd be accepted in Heaven; and Hell (where we're all going) will be the opposite of entertaining, in fact it will be nothing but never-ending, constant agony.
Don't worry- there was never a chance you'd be accepted in Heaven; and Hell (where we're all going) will be the opposite of entertaining, in fact it will be nothing but never-ending, constant agony.
Sitting for days in my room depressed, unable to do anything. I realise that the only thing denoting the passing of time is how full my pissjug gets. I think, thing is full again, how long has it been. Sometimes I empty it, sometimes just start another. Feeling like I'm in a management sim game, waiting to empty it. Everything is a blur until I see the jug full again and I know I have to empty it. Time collapsed and punctuated by the pissjug of time, the liquid hourglass.
Just a pissjug thinker.
Just a pissjug thinker.
i cant accept the fact that my life is over and there's only unbearable agony for unknown time and death left. i spent all my money on doctors and found out i have allergies, asthma, ibs, nafld, scoliosis, eye problems, head problems, etc. I cant make money cant eat cant breathe and now cant sleep anymore, lost 25kg. These past few months have been nothing but utter hell. now im always in pain broke in debt and my life is over. i hope i will be able to kill myself its my only last hope left, or life will kill me instead. once u lose ur health there is nothing left and reality is worse than the worst nightmare i could ever dream in my entire life.
>>278813
Relatable wizzie
I'm really fucking tired of being bored all the time
It's weird how nowadays I feel *less* depressed but MORE bored. Like I'm very anxious and restless all the time because of this inner desire to do something, but there's nothing to do.
Relatable wizzie
I'm really fucking tired of being bored all the time
It's weird how nowadays I feel *less* depressed but MORE bored. Like I'm very anxious and restless all the time because of this inner desire to do something, but there's nothing to do.
>>278776
I have an older brother. He actually has a pretty nice job all things considered but he works from home and he doesn't really leave the house but he can pass off as normal in social environments. I think my parents expect a lot out of me but that's because we're ethnic.
I have an older brother. He actually has a pretty nice job all things considered but he works from home and he doesn't really leave the house but he can pass off as normal in social environments. I think my parents expect a lot out of me but that's because we're ethnic.
>>278866
There’s virtually nothing to do in life unless you spend money. And even if you spend money, the older you get the more you realize you’re just a consoomer, throwing cash at businesses doing another transaction. And one can only go for a walk around the park so many times before you realize (((this))) is all there is.
There’s virtually nothing to do in life unless you spend money. And even if you spend money, the older you get the more you realize you’re just a consoomer, throwing cash at businesses doing another transaction. And one can only go for a walk around the park so many times before you realize (((this))) is all there is.
>>278760
>they arent running skeleton crews on purpose
Well they are, and thats exactly what is happening. I work at a call center and after 5pm we only have like 20 people taking calls for a major company. I worked food service prior and about 2018 was when they started having only 2 people on for an entire night shift after 3 pm. Its not you, its just greed.
>they arent running skeleton crews on purpose
Well they are, and thats exactly what is happening. I work at a call center and after 5pm we only have like 20 people taking calls for a major company. I worked food service prior and about 2018 was when they started having only 2 people on for an entire night shift after 3 pm. Its not you, its just greed.
So, I haven't given up just yet (I'll only be 24 this year), but things feel terribly bleak. I have a CS degree, I got it in May. I've been searching for a job since January: nobody is phoning me back. Nobody. I had one golden, perfect offer I really should've taken but didn't because it required relocation (within my state! And I'm earnestly searching for things outside of my state as I now realize how crazy the market is). I don't know what's wrong with my resume. I mean…I'm getting rejected by fucking call centers alongside SWE places. Is it just senior level workers trying to coast in entry level jobs? Kill yourselves.
I just want out of this shitty house with my awful father. He could be worse, I get that, and I'm thankful that I'm not out on the streets. But holy shit he is an annoying bastard to live with. I want my own space. Can he fuck off on vacation for the month again so I can larp as someone who owns his own property.
I just want out of this shitty house with my awful father. He could be worse, I get that, and I'm thankful that I'm not out on the streets. But holy shit he is an annoying bastard to live with. I want my own space. Can he fuck off on vacation for the month again so I can larp as someone who owns his own property.
Deep in thirties. Every opportunity at a better life I end up letting pass away. I'm just too far conditioned to my awful mode of life and being, that It seems I can't step into any sort of wider/better life, even when there's a chance - or after I've worked hard to create better conditions.
May as well kms at this stage
May as well kms at this stage
>>278873
No I had money at one point. There's nothing to spend money on. Food, unironically, lasted the longest in terms of enjoyment. Eventually the joy you get from eating diminishes to where you need to eat to the point of obesity.
Really, what are you going to spend money on?
No I had money at one point. There's nothing to spend money on. Food, unironically, lasted the longest in terms of enjoyment. Eventually the joy you get from eating diminishes to where you need to eat to the point of obesity.
Really, what are you going to spend money on?
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Sometimes I feel a positive surge of energy and confidence.
Then I remember there's nothing worth directing it at.
Then I remember there's nothing worth directing it at.
>>278882
Programmer here. I dunno about call centers, but I think this guy explains the tech job problem well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kte-t1pQQ3I&pp=ygUPdGhlbyBqb2IgbWFya2V0
TLDW is that big tech companies laid a ton of programmers off, those companies went on hiring freezes, and the laid off programmers are taking up the jobs left over at other companies. Also, employers are stupid and picky, but that's just a universal problem.
Sounds like you're getting filtered out at the resume stage, so make sure to look up "resume ats checker" to see why you're getting filtered out. Look up interview prep + leetcode. You can also do free practice peer interviews at interview.io
Don't outright lie on your resume or interviews, but you'll have to stretch the truth a bit. Especially when interviewers ask about why your job hunt has gone on for so long
Sorry that I don't really have anything encouraging to say :( just don't beat yourself up. I had to apply to 100+ companies in my last job hunt, and that was with 3 years of experience
Programmer here. I dunno about call centers, but I think this guy explains the tech job problem well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kte-t1pQQ3I&pp=ygUPdGhlbyBqb2IgbWFya2V0
TLDW is that big tech companies laid a ton of programmers off, those companies went on hiring freezes, and the laid off programmers are taking up the jobs left over at other companies. Also, employers are stupid and picky, but that's just a universal problem.
Sounds like you're getting filtered out at the resume stage, so make sure to look up "resume ats checker" to see why you're getting filtered out. Look up interview prep + leetcode. You can also do free practice peer interviews at interview.io
Don't outright lie on your resume or interviews, but you'll have to stretch the truth a bit. Especially when interviewers ask about why your job hunt has gone on for so long
Sorry that I don't really have anything encouraging to say :( just don't beat yourself up. I had to apply to 100+ companies in my last job hunt, and that was with 3 years of experience
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