/dep/ - Depression

But then in turn they can blame their parents and their parents can blame their parents and so on, until we get to the first lifeform who is to blame for it all perhaps. If you don't take responsibility for your life, don't expect others to do it either. Plus, there is no benefit in blame anyway, even if they admit they fucked you up, you'll feel righteous for one day and then you're left with your life again and finding the means to deal with it.

Nah, they just were delusional by thinking so many bad stuff could happen to their offspring just because they got it easy. Ignorant boomerism

peers n community are a very large external influence as well, but even that parents are partially responsible for, they are the ones who provide your location

>>278428
>But then in turn they can blame their parents and their parents can blame their parents and so on
this doesn't reduce the validity of the argument as you seem to imply, it can be seen as impractical but that doesn't necessarily make it incorrect

>>278449
>location
Well, how could they even know which kind of people were us to find in our lives? World is a jungle and tempers are diverse from a generation to the next.

>>278626
if they get you to a place that is low crime, in general, its your responsibility from there, i agree

I feel like the impact of parenting is overrated. My parents raised me well and yet I'm a lazy fuck.

>>278628
Let me guess, they were great cuz they let you do everything you want? No wonder you're a lazy fuck today.

>>278449
>Peers n community

Or in a lot of cases lack thereof. Like living in a fucking hicktown filled with jackasses where you're like 1 in 4 minorities and autistic to boot…and even the other minorities don't want your ass around.

parents are causually responsible for creating the new person that is us.

but thats just it, we are a new person, who has never existed before, we are more than just clones of our parents. the intersection of the dna of 2 different people, creates someone totally new, with a personality also shaped by the peers we interact with.

so they cause us

but we are new persons and not clones of them

>>278635
that's unique and you're a true individual

i wish my parents had married different people even though these hypothetical half-brothers or half-sisters would in no sense be me. even my actual brother is very different from me, although we have some similarities.

we are the sum total of
nature + torture

>>278428
> the first lifeform who is to blame for it all perhaps
at last you’re seeing the shadow of the demiurge

>>278412
You forgot the most important one, nigga. They conceived you in the first place.

>>278412
I fucking despise my whore mother and my retarded father. They gave me nothing but traumas. They're the reason I'm a fucking mess.

No point in blaming when damage is done. But I didn't ask to being borm, something that horny retards can't fathom. And so the wheels turn again, generations to come.

I blame my parents for letting me eat trash all my life. Childhood obesity ruined my self esteem and probably fucked up my hormones since i'm 20 and sound like a little succubus

>>278782
Based gnosticbro

I don't think you can pin 100% of nature on parents. They should be screening both for pregnancy and then for complications, obviously, but I don't think there is a good reason to test for genes or mutations that will compound mental illness and personality disorders. Nobody can really predict those problems, even if both parents have bad tempers or are prone to depression or something.

we can blame them for their selfish decision to create us. they knew what they were getting us into, they knew life is painful and meaningless. their baseless wish for it might be different for us does not justify their decision to create us. it doesn't mean that we need to retaliate against them but our creation is a wrongdoing on their end and they are fully responsible for it.

>>278428
>But then in turn they can blame their parents and their parents can blame their parents and so on

I mean that's kinda true. Trash only breeds more trash.

>>280699
>I mean that's kinda true. Trash only breeds more trash.

Not necessarily but once you have realized how your parents messed up etc. you have to improve yourself based on that realization to not do the same mistakes as them as an adult and only then you should have children otherwise the bad cycle will continue. We grow up with our parents retardations and at some point we realize how they fucked us up (if we're self aware and not complete oblivious retards) and then it's on us to overcome it through self reflection and working on ourselves.

Before someone spergs out, I don't suggest to make children or whatever and just use "you" to explain it. It's just the basics of familiar cycles.

I blame my parents for making me fat. They fed me when I was a little kid and I was obese even at age 5. Of course it messed me up socially too being so fat and ugly.

>>280706
Better than malnutrition. Ig you're tall?

>>278412
Nothing, apparently. No, really. I tried. I tried blaming my parents roughly 20 years ago when I was in my teens, and yeah, nah, that pretty much amounted to nothing good. I tried blaming my parents almost 10 years ago when I was in my twenties, and yeah, nah. I couldn't do that shit even then because I was "just a kid" even at the age of 26. I can't blame my parents now in my thirties because I'm hallucinating and just plain psychotic and, well, I guess crazy people can't have opinions. I'm also in tremendous physical pain most of the time and arguing with my parents makes the pain worse.

>>278412
I blame them for everything. I didn't choose to be born as a poorfag in a third world shithole. I didn't choose to have mouthbreathing IQ parents. I didn't choose all the shit I had to go through as a kid because they were too fucking stupid and violent to raise a child. I didn't choose to have all the traumas they gave me. I'm only alive because god has watched over me all these years.

This is why now that they are old my sister and I treat them with little to none respect or kindness. They treated us like shit when we were fragile, now we're returning the favor. They don't deserve any love from their children.

I love my mom so much I can hardly take it, but I hate myself, and my life.

>>278412
>What can't we blame our parents for?
We can't blame them for what we can't blame our grandparents either.

>>278626
>location
>durr ow we know dhings

boomers spend so much time and effort on real estate and other get rich quick schemes. now they are honestly saying they don't know why some real estate is cheaper than others. lmao.

>>278428
>responsibility
Boomers are truly worst generation of normgroids.

>>280765
>god has watched over me all these years.
And he hates you or simply sees you as tool to be used.
No way he does that out of benevolence, there has to be nefarious motive of some kind.

>>280733
Why does it has to be extremes?

They are at fault but there is nothing you can do about it.

>>280765
Oh you're one of god little jester's like me? The ones he always fucks with but still keeps us alive eh?

I saw this quote by JK Rowling, and there seems to be a lot of similar sentiment in this thread that I want to address, particularly relating to the nurture side of things.

>"There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you."

The problem with this line of thinking is that it completely dismisses how important the first 20 years of your life are in regards to your personality, your character, your motives and ideals, your ethics and values, etc. Think of it this way: it's not about steering the car in the "right" direction, you ARE the car. Your childhood and adolescence is the construction of that car, your experiences are what influences the build, and when it's time to hit the road you don't get to just open up the hood and make changes on the fly. It's just going. And this will basically be the same car for the rest of your life, you might learn new tricks on how to handle and maintain it throughout life, but this is it. So what happens when your parents spoil you with junk food and video games? What happens when you're optimizing your personality to favor defense mechanisms triggered from trauma responses? How the hell are we, as children, supposed to know the long-term implications of what that does to us? It's not supposed to be the child's job to know all of that. It's the obligation of the parents to guide their children into the right direction so that when they are on their own, they can become better versions of their parents. And so that their kids can become better versions of them, and so on. That method of child rearing is why you have lights to turn on at night, why you have a faucet that can give you water any time of day, why there's supermarkets where you can buy food instead of having to hunt for it. The people that built everything around you were not in a malaise for the first 20 years of their life and then magically got it together once they realized how great they could be. Sure there are some people who did great things later in life, but those are the exception and not the rule.


>yeah well… I guess you can blame their parents, and their parents' parents before them!
There's some truth to this because dysfunction begets dysfunction, but I think most people can agree there's been a significant drop off in terms of quality parenting within the last 100 years. It's not like we've been slowly declining for 2000 years and we can say that every generation is slightly worse than the one before it. If your grandparents were married and had 3+ kids, and each of those kids married and created families with 3+ children, your grandparents were good parents. Simple as. Some people can have good parents and then go on to make immoral decisions in life, not because they "weren't raised right", but because they were either tricked or plainly chose an unrighteous path.

>well it's not pragmatic to blame our parents for everything. What does this actually DO?
First off, it's not blaming them for "everything". We all are yearning for answers as to why we are the way we are, and why other people just seem to have it together naturally. It can't just be the vaccines, EVERYONE in our generation has taken them. It can't just be the fluoride water, or the processed foods, or the blue lights from LCD screens, or the radio frequencies from our electronics, or even that we're too smart or too ugly. When I go to extended families' houses and see the way my cousins' family interacts with each other, it begins to make sense. When I see candid videos of families enjoying time together at home, and I see their body language and how relaxing their environment looks, I start to see why I'm so anxious and uncomfortable all the time. When I contextualize this with my own family life growing up, I start understanding why I was such a reject at school, and why they the world treats me the way it does. The isolation, the loneliness, the alienation, it weighs on all of us heavily and we're just trying to find reconciliation with our lot in life. I love my parents, but it grieves me that I feel so alone around them, and I can see it in my siblings too that they also carry heartache from our parents. Parenting is not everything, but it's a lot more important than people think. If talking about it helps us find closure, and other people might notice and inspire them to be better parents, then I think it's worth having a discussion.

>>281088
Are your parents boomers? Boomers are pleasure-seeking self-oriented mental children and were therefore never fit to parent anyone.

" I love my parents, but it grieves me that I feel so alone around them, and I can see it in my siblings too that they also carry heartache from our parents."

I feel the same. But remember, they are our seniors – they chose and choose still to look down on us and deny us even common affection. It was their choice to make. We were only kids born to deeply immature "adults" who had already resolved against being emotionally open with us. They are inwardly angry/vicious/arrogant people who privately hate their own children. Boomers are fucked up.

>>281089
>Are your parents boomers?
They're early gen-X actually, exemplifying the attitudes that their generation were known for: apathy, narcissism, and "just leave me alone". You can observe these attitudes in so many gen-x parent families and how they decide to run the household: buy a television and some video games as a means of keeping children inside, quiet, and occupied. Perfect way for the parents to be left alone to do what they want (not raising their children). they're also giving their children an addiction that they can manipulate them with, so they made them subservient in ways that virtually no other generation of children before has ever had to experience. Gone are the days of feminine mothers and masculine fathers, Gen X ushered in a new era of bitchy moms and nagging dads asserting dominance with petty mindfucking. Maybe boomers would have done the same if they had that technology at their disposal but I don't know.

>>281091
If your parents gave you videogames and television you still had it good.

I never blamed my mother, but she apologised for having children with my father. She said when I was born nobody was talking about genetics or inherited mental illness so she didn’t know. It didn’t do anything for me, just shrugged my shoulders and said oh well.

The main question is what's the point of blame? Are you going to ask for reparations? Sue them?

Personally I feel like I'm just an incorrigible shit. My parents could have hired the best tutors, given me the best advice and I would have still just played video games all day.

>>281096
But why do you feel that way? Feeling that you're inherently a failure is a clear sign of bad parenting.
Good parents can inspire children to want to do things other than play video games, and instill healthy self-confidence etc. Children are truly like sponges that absorb every touch of energy around them.

>>278428
>But then in turn they can blame their parents and their parents can blame their parents and so on
Absolutely true.

>If you don't take responsibility for your life, don't expect others to do it either. Plus, there is no benefit in blame anyway
The benefit is in realising that you shouldn't blame yourself. It can free you from sort of suffering. No need to carry such a huge burden as though your failures are 'your fault'. If a tree grows crooked, that's just how it is, the tree shouldnt hate itself and cry all day and there would be no use in that.

>>281097
>Good parents can inspire children to want to do things other than play video games, and instill healthy self-confidence etc.

sure but I feel like parents that have this kind of skill are a rare exception that it's unrealistic to get mad over your parents not being like that

>>281099
Getting mad over anything is a mistake. Getting mad isn't the point. You shouldnt get mad at yourself either, and realisations about this can help with that.
Most people are very dumb. The masses are literally like sheep, herded like slave animals by the government. They're not good parents. This is a sick society that places us in prison camps called schools to be raised, too. So you were born out of that with all your mental illnesses. You can't help it.

You can probably blame your parents for most things. This whole idea that you need to "take responsibility" is ironically enough a way for your parents to absolve themselves of responsibility/accountability.
By any statistical and empirical measure of reality your life outcome is largely predicted by how and in what environment you were raised.
The idea that parents somehow AREN'T responsible for how their children turn out is prima facie retarded, but people live in denial because the alternative is psychologically untenable for most people. Can you imagine a poor, single mom owning up to the fact that her son is a mentally-ill criminal because she was a dumb whore? Of course not, that type of brutal self-reflection is completely at odds with human nature.
Many parents essentially set up their children to fail in a variety of ways, and then when they don't magically turn out to be healthy and productive members of society they flip the blame on you (incredibly cruel, when you really think about it).

>b-but what's the point in blaming them?
What's the point in being ignorant to reality? It's good to acknowledge things as they are and have an accurate view of reality (in so far that's possible).

Another thing that's interesting, is that wealthy and upper class people are brutally aware of this reality so they do everything they can in their power to set up their children for success. They understand that little Timmy has to be put in a good school right away, and that he needs tutors, and be made to play sports, etc. Some rich folks even go so far as to get their kids on growth hormone so that they're guaranteed to grow tall, because they understand the importance of height in society; that's perhaps taking it too far, but it just goes to show you how intensely aware they are of the fact that they need to set their kid up for success.

>>281195
Good post.
>Another thing that's interesting, is that wealthy and upper class people are brutally aware of this reality
True. The effects of -everything- are passed down through the generations. Being aware of this reality is why people in successful families tend to be less individualistic - their concept of self, and behaviour, reflects that they are part of the collective group of their family. This gives extra power and resilience in a multitude of ways. Modern individualism and selfishness has been partially cultural engineering by the elites because it weakens the poor. This same principle of collective power is reflected in many aspects of society like a fractal

>>281195
True for the most part.

But some people just get born with right genes and actually become more or less successful even if they were poorly raised. So far it seems to be an exception though.

>>281204
It happens but it is rare. Often in such case you just dont know important details. For example I remember one highly successful academic that came from a poor family happened to have a great teacher when he was young that basically acted as a mentor, which is the most overpowered thing that can be done to a child

its pure motherfucking luck

if you parents fuck you up but for some reason your genetic is good or enveironment or even you just so mad that what to fix everything you will be successful.

If none of that happens, you are a looser.

they have no control, you have almost no control.

they can do everything statistically ideal for you but maybe all those togheter with you personality will just fuck you over.

Nature is about making as much variation as possible and doesnt give a shit for the ones suffering under the condition that the species continue.

you all are just the unlucky combination of factors that got fucked up.

you are the inevitabler statistical pieces of shit that society always create in other to be always recycling and adapting.

>>281313
true. life is rng and there's nothing you can do about it.

true i hate my parents. they are low iq retards and gave me retard dna. life sucks.

Yeah you can blame them, and you'd be correct to do so, those formative experiences involving your parents are the foundation of who you are, fucked parenting = fucked person.
But what good does that do you?