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Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
Previous: >>281041
Previous: >>281041
Just spent 1.7k on my mom's taxes. I got half a gram of heroin coming in the mail and it's still only wednesday. How's everyone else's week?
>>282201
still recovering from a drug abuse that nearly killed me.
It's been 3 months and I still cannot eat whatever I want.
Doctors said to me i'm dellusional if I think some specific food can kill me.
But when i had just eaten figs or cheese, my blood pressure shot up and my heart started pounding. Still, they don't wanna believe me.
I think the drug OD i had changed something in me permanently, I can no longer eat anything i want to eat.
That's sad.
still recovering from a drug abuse that nearly killed me.
It's been 3 months and I still cannot eat whatever I want.
Doctors said to me i'm dellusional if I think some specific food can kill me.
But when i had just eaten figs or cheese, my blood pressure shot up and my heart started pounding. Still, they don't wanna believe me.
I think the drug OD i had changed something in me permanently, I can no longer eat anything i want to eat.
That's sad.
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>>282202
sounds psychosomatic. anxiety can affect you subconsciously in a variety of ways, and lead you to experience physical symptoms that are very real. you should see a therapist if you can, and if not try some cognitive behavioral therapy by yourself.
sounds psychosomatic. anxiety can affect you subconsciously in a variety of ways, and lead you to experience physical symptoms that are very real. you should see a therapist if you can, and if not try some cognitive behavioral therapy by yourself.
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i hate doing anything so much, i just want to get in and get out as fast as possible, leave me alone
Hadn't watched Legend of the Galactic Heroes in over 10 years. I thought it'd give me something to do for a month, maybe, but I was finished with the 110 episodes and the 40-ish episodes of the side stories in about two weeks.
One reason I stopped watching anime long ago was that I always just felt empty and lifeless after finishing a series. If I spend my days doing absolutely nothing, then it's like living in a shallow ditch indefinitely. But if I try to enjoy things, I rise a few feet above the surface for a little while, only to fall into a deeper ditch than the one I began in, and have to put forth the emotional effort of climbing back up into the shallow ditch.
"What did I even do before watching that?" I would have been better off had I just spent those two weeks refreshing image boards and watching Perry Mason reruns with my mom. I should know better by now than to try and enjoy things.
One reason I stopped watching anime long ago was that I always just felt empty and lifeless after finishing a series. If I spend my days doing absolutely nothing, then it's like living in a shallow ditch indefinitely. But if I try to enjoy things, I rise a few feet above the surface for a little while, only to fall into a deeper ditch than the one I began in, and have to put forth the emotional effort of climbing back up into the shallow ditch.
"What did I even do before watching that?" I would have been better off had I just spent those two weeks refreshing image boards and watching Perry Mason reruns with my mom. I should know better by now than to try and enjoy things.
I hate how after having already spent over $10,000 over the course of less than 10 years on numerous psychiatrists, psychotherapists, neurologists, psychologists, psychotropic drugs, vitamin supplements, witch doctors, psychics, exorcists, priests; I've come to realize that the most basic, most simple, and most common piece of advice in regards to how to overcome anxiety, depression, and even psychotic episodes (hell, even demonic possession) basically comes down to some variation of the following:
"Try not to think about it too much."
"Try not to think about it too much."
I've been having these fucking headaches for the past 2 weeks almost. It started out as just this pressure in my eye which I thought could have been a migraine but it's still fucking here. I just fucking hate this shit. My head hurts all the time (went to an eye doc and there's nothing wrong), everyday is so similar to the last that I can barely remember what day it is, etc etc.
The ending of Cyberpunk Edgerunners bummed me out in 2022 about as much as the ending of Cowboy Bebop did in 2002.
>>282218
Over hydrate and take electrolytes. Stop taking whatever pills a doctor has tricked you in to taking.
Over hydrate and take electrolytes. Stop taking whatever pills a doctor has tricked you in to taking.
>>282218
Maybe you don't tolerate tyramine that well, decrease consumption of milk, cheese and any fermented food.
Maybe you don't tolerate tyramine that well, decrease consumption of milk, cheese and any fermented food.
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I don't know if it's because I was raised a Catholic, but deep down I believe heaven, or something akin to it, awaits me after death and I can't wait to die. I feel like all my sufferings on earth will be nothing compared to the eternal bliss.
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Why can't I just function like others?
Why does my brain have to constantly drag me down with negative and unrealistic thoughts that I have to fight constantly? Why do I have to be so anxious and neurotic? Why are things like social obligations that are effortless or even enjoyable for others such a chore for me? And why do I on top of all that get shamed for this like I somehow chose to be this way?
Why does my brain have to constantly drag me down with negative and unrealistic thoughts that I have to fight constantly? Why do I have to be so anxious and neurotic? Why are things like social obligations that are effortless or even enjoyable for others such a chore for me? And why do I on top of all that get shamed for this like I somehow chose to be this way?
Lately I've been feeling constant sense of urgency which I have to battle constantly. It retreats when I'm rested, but once I get a bit exhausted with work it just on me out of shadows and here I go again. Anyone else with such shit?
Shit. The other day I tried talking to my brother about convincing our mother to help put me on disability (I'm psychotic right now and hallucinating) and get me a cheaper health insurance like Medicaid or whatever, but our mother just interrupted us and said that I don't need health insurance anymore and the conversation simply ended right then and there.
>>282237
Sucks. Can't you do that without your mother? Perhaps your brother could devote a bit of his time to you?
Sucks. Can't you do that without your mother? Perhaps your brother could devote a bit of his time to you?
>>282242
I'm kinda' retarded (especially due to the psychosis) and my brother won't help me, either. He just tells me to talk to our mother about it first, but she refuses to listen. So now I have no health insurance, no medication, no therapy, and I'm still hallucinating and depressed.
I'm kinda' retarded (especially due to the psychosis) and my brother won't help me, either. He just tells me to talk to our mother about it first, but she refuses to listen. So now I have no health insurance, no medication, no therapy, and I'm still hallucinating and depressed.
Two weeks ago I tried to hang myself in a nearby forest. Found a thick branch and actually did it, instantly losing counciousness, like falling asleep and even hearing some birds singing in a dream. Only to wake up and realize I'm falling, rolling into a ravine, ~10-15 meters deep. It was weird as fuck! I thought it was also a dream, just rolling to the bottom non-stop, barely understanding if it's a real world or something else. Brain was deprived of oxygen, everything was blurred but I dont know how much time I was hanging. I cut my face while falling, hit my leg and shoulder pretty bad, still hurts After realizing what happened and that it was a torn rope I started climbing up on all fours like an animal. It took a lot of time and I rested a bit under some tree looking at the clouds. My neck, throat still hurts bad, sharp pain when I swallow. Then I started to walk back home, reaching the road and the street. I was covered in grass, all kinds of forest stuff and cobweb. After coming back home I saw that my face is covered in blood, there were some cuts on forehead, lips, nose luckily avoided eyes. Burning red rope marks on my neck too, still not healed.
I washed myself, disinfected wounds, and felt nothing but extreme regret over this idiotic failure, because I don't know when I will have the same resolve again.
I washed myself, disinfected wounds, and felt nothing but extreme regret over this idiotic failure, because I don't know when I will have the same resolve again.
>>282263
Don't seppuku wizzie.
There aren't enough wizzards left in this world.
I tried to seppuku few months ago taking a deadly cocktail of drugs. Heart racing at 200, blood pressure through the roof, hyperthermia, but hopefully i'm still alive.
I came to realize that a suicidal man does not actually wish to die, but to live a life he cannot live.
I made a promise to not focus anymore on what I don't have, but be content with what I have.
Anyway, take it easy wizzie.
Don't seppuku wizzie.
There aren't enough wizzards left in this world.
I tried to seppuku few months ago taking a deadly cocktail of drugs. Heart racing at 200, blood pressure through the roof, hyperthermia, but hopefully i'm still alive.
I came to realize that a suicidal man does not actually wish to die, but to live a life he cannot live.
I made a promise to not focus anymore on what I don't have, but be content with what I have.
Anyway, take it easy wizzie.
>>282231
We're so mentally fucked up. It's crazy just how fucked I am in the head. If things were slightly different I'd be on the streets. I can't do anything. Negative thoughts destroy anything enjoyable at random, and I'm at a loss, staring into the void.
We're so mentally fucked up. It's crazy just how fucked I am in the head. If things were slightly different I'd be on the streets. I can't do anything. Negative thoughts destroy anything enjoyable at random, and I'm at a loss, staring into the void.
>>282263
Whatever happens – happens. You don't know the designs of those who oppose demiugrus. Maybe your survival has more meaning that you care to give it.
Whatever happens – happens. You don't know the designs of those who oppose demiugrus. Maybe your survival has more meaning that you care to give it.
Any wizzie who succeeded in getting back the enthusiasm of childhood once an adult ?
I would be curious to know how you performed such a feat.
I would be curious to know how you performed such a feat.
c00m br1ngs d00m. So true. Decided to c00m to hopefully feel better, now feeling twice worse. Never c00m unless you can't hold it in anymore. That's my motto from now on.
Not sure if it's COVID or just the common flu but I feel like shit and I have no health insurance.
I started writing a diary but every entry was just "I'm really bored and depressed" so I stopped.
My parents have been pushing for me to go back to therapy. I have told them repeatedly that is not what I want to do and they said okay. Then today they told me they signed us up for family therapy and I lost my shit and told them I wasn't going. Now later today my drunk dad comes up to me and asks me if he can give me a hug then he tells me he loves me and as I am walking away I can hear him bawling his eyes out. I can't remember ever hearing my father cry. I'm honestly surprised he's capable of that level of emotional expression. I think he knew I might be able to hear him because the sobs choked down pretty fast but now I feel like absolute shit. Actually not really, I feel mostly empty and indifferent actually, but I know I should feel like shit and I do feel somewhat like shit but in a very distant and detached way. I essentially have blamed them for causing my issues recently and while I think I was justified in doing so I guess it can't feel good to hear your mentally ill child accuse you of causing said illness. I also blamed them for driving my sister away by being distant and not providing any level of emotional care and I know that is definitely fucking with them because my sister has essentially cut off contact with them as much as she possibly can without tearing face. She ignores many texts and calls and invitations to spend time together, then literally every single time she does show up, she does so only to ask my parents for money.
>>282306
you should use it to write down more of your internal thoughts instead of just talking about what is happening to you. Try to use the exercise of writing to crystallize your thoughts around certain topics which have been on your mind lately.
t. guy who never had a diary but likes giving unsolicited advice about how he thinks it would be best to write a diary
you should use it to write down more of your internal thoughts instead of just talking about what is happening to you. Try to use the exercise of writing to crystallize your thoughts around certain topics which have been on your mind lately.
t. guy who never had a diary but likes giving unsolicited advice about how he thinks it would be best to write a diary
Holy fucking shit I'm definitely really sick with the cold and hallucinating on top of that. Fuck. This fucking sucks. One of my worst days ever. It's so fucking hot today too but I can't turn on the air conditioner because I'm sick.
And constipated.
And constipated.
It's really annoying when you jerk off too early in the day and now you have nothing to look forward to until tomorrow.
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How do you guys deal with the horror of realization that you fucked up by wasting your best years and that your deepest desires will never be fulfilled.
This is supposed to be the absolute best time of my life, or something, everyone thinks I should be celebrating. I still feel terrible. Maybe they'll understand now.
>>282354
I delude myself into thinking it's not too late and I'm gonna turn things around at any moment.
I delude myself into thinking it's not too late and I'm gonna turn things around at any moment.
>>282356
best is relative
i felt bad in my 20s but now i feel worse and it makes me miss those times
>>282359
as crazy as that sounds my desires are equally unrealistic. i just cant accept how mundane and lacking magic real life is
>>282364
i had that in my 20s but if i couldn't do anything then during the best conditions why would i be capable now when everything got worse
best is relative
i felt bad in my 20s but now i feel worse and it makes me miss those times
>>282359
as crazy as that sounds my desires are equally unrealistic. i just cant accept how mundane and lacking magic real life is
>>282364
i had that in my 20s but if i couldn't do anything then during the best conditions why would i be capable now when everything got worse
Honestly, I wish I could just not wake up one day. I'm at my wits end, I am irritated all the time, the thoughts of rope are more and more prominent. Work, home, desire to jump off the balcony, work, home etc. etc.
Why did I have to be born? Just to fucking endure this shit for no reason? I give up.
Why did I have to be born? Just to fucking endure this shit for no reason? I give up.
I thought my anti-anxiety medication was working. Was anxiety free for 4 weeks now it's back. What the fuck happened? Can you grow tolerance to them? Damn wizzies. damn
>>282350
at least you get motivated by desire to fap. i reached point where fap is merely nuisance. i haven't been looking forward to for a long time now. every day is empty. everything is so bleak and empty. nothing to look forward to. escapism is my only way to survive and even that fails because health issues caused by thus life condition worsen it even further. life is such a gift, such a treasure, yeah, fuck you, just let me die already.
at least you get motivated by desire to fap. i reached point where fap is merely nuisance. i haven't been looking forward to for a long time now. every day is empty. everything is so bleak and empty. nothing to look forward to. escapism is my only way to survive and even that fails because health issues caused by thus life condition worsen it even further. life is such a gift, such a treasure, yeah, fuck you, just let me die already.
>>282374
i have the same feelings, wiz. i don't see a point of going through all the shit that lands of me. what for? i literally have 0 reason. this world contains nothing i could assign any value. i wish i could wake up one day and find myself in a completely different place. somewhere i can find solitude and peace. or not wake up at all.
i have the same feelings, wiz. i don't see a point of going through all the shit that lands of me. what for? i literally have 0 reason. this world contains nothing i could assign any value. i wish i could wake up one day and find myself in a completely different place. somewhere i can find solitude and peace. or not wake up at all.
I finally got a job interview and they asked for 3 references. I got over the anxiety and emailed my old bosses, but only one of them even responded days later. Now I don't know what to do and I feel really stressed out.
Wow it feels like the hallucinations are doing their weird, nostalgia-inducing thing to the maximum now that I'm sick.
It's almost as if I'm seeing my entire life flash before my eyes. Creepy as hell. Hard to explain.
It's almost as if I'm seeing my entire life flash before my eyes. Creepy as hell. Hard to explain.
>>282400
Just put the references down without permission and if you have the opportunity then tell the new employer that they didn’t respond to you
Just put the references down without permission and if you have the opportunity then tell the new employer that they didn’t respond to you
My poop has been yellow for a few weeks now. Just one more thing I should really get around to doing something about.
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Isn't it the funniest shit that people supposedly immediately regret jumping right after they jump? Like they say "I realized immediately I could have solved all my problems". Oh yeah? Well why the fuck couldn't you realize that before you jumped? The world can't let you die, it has to give you clairvoyancy and a 50 IQ boost right when it doesn't matter, to jam salt in the open wound with a little lemon juice. You can't just die, you gotta get a swift kick in the balls right before you die.
>>282428
Calm down, it's just one of the tricks brain plays with you to align with deepest instincts. Prospect of death immediately turns on flee or fight mode, you get a huge adrenaline boost and so it feels like you could do everything. But once the adrenaline is gone you'll sink in the very same misery that drove you to the edge.
Calm down, it's just one of the tricks brain plays with you to align with deepest instincts. Prospect of death immediately turns on flee or fight mode, you get a huge adrenaline boost and so it feels like you could do everything. But once the adrenaline is gone you'll sink in the very same misery that drove you to the edge.
I did 40 pushups straight 2 nights ago in a fit to make myself feel better and my chest still pretty badly. First exercise I've done in a decade
wow it all feels so unreal, creepy. it's like me, but not actually me. mind is such a void people who are spared looking into it are blessed
>>282434
i do more than a hundred in total in several sets and only then it hurts enough for me to feel that i still exist
i do more than a hundred in total in several sets and only then it hurts enough for me to feel that i still exist
Is it just my imagination or are people getting logarithmically dumber literally every day now? I swear people are 10x dumber today than they were yesterday.
Maybe it's just me.
Maybe it's just me.
>>282459
No it does, because logarithmic dulling of people is actually something I can agree with, but exponential is obviously not true. Obviously for me, of course.
No it does, because logarithmic dulling of people is actually something I can agree with, but exponential is obviously not true. Obviously for me, of course.
GOD I HATE MY SKIN FUCKING FUCK.
I dont get it. I shower everyday, wear fresh clothes, change my sheets every week. Always some new bullshit starts happening to me.
I dont get it. I shower everyday, wear fresh clothes, change my sheets every week. Always some new bullshit starts happening to me.
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I can't stop thinking. I need a drug that will stop Ms from thinking.
Another night where I can't fucking sleep. I have work soon. I hate my life I fucking hate this.
>>282473
I have a similar issue but my thoughts somehow developed forms and now the thought-forms do most of my thinking for me beyond my conscious control.
I have a similar issue but my thoughts somehow developed forms and now the thought-forms do most of my thinking for me beyond my conscious control.
>>282473
Thoughts are a reflection of reality. Deal with the world, don't pretend it isn't there.
Thoughts are a reflection of reality. Deal with the world, don't pretend it isn't there.
>>282473
are you thinking or ruminating?
i thought that even if I spend all day alone at least I had the insights from self-reflection going for me but then I realized I was just mentally going in circles not really thinking because thinking should be problem solving and about advancing in some way.
are you thinking or ruminating?
i thought that even if I spend all day alone at least I had the insights from self-reflection going for me but then I realized I was just mentally going in circles not really thinking because thinking should be problem solving and about advancing in some way.
On the upside; I've indisputably proven to myself that neither ghosts, nor demons, nor gods exist.
On the downside; I've indisputably proven to myself that it's all just humans fucking with humans for eternity.
On the downside; I've indisputably proven to myself that it's all just humans fucking with humans for eternity.
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The situation in Italy with the refugees is really blackpilling me hard and hurt me mentally over the last two days. I remember my own city going from 90% white to 70% just in my short lifetime.
I don't know why I care so much as an autistic wizard who isn't going to have a wife or kids anyway. I just don't know why my race is committing collective suicide? Why are other whites, who have so much more to live for than me, who have kids and nice neighborhoods and careers, just allowing themselves to be displaced.
I feel a little melancholic sometimes seeing a new niece or nephew be born into the family, and I wonder what sort of world they'll live in as a despised and displaced minority.
Maybe this doesn't belong in the depression thread, but it really is hitting how I see the future.
I don't know why I care so much as an autistic wizard who isn't going to have a wife or kids anyway. I just don't know why my race is committing collective suicide? Why are other whites, who have so much more to live for than me, who have kids and nice neighborhoods and careers, just allowing themselves to be displaced.
I feel a little melancholic sometimes seeing a new niece or nephew be born into the family, and I wonder what sort of world they'll live in as a despised and displaced minority.
Maybe this doesn't belong in the depression thread, but it really is hitting how I see the future.
>>282504
Being mixed and from a third world shithole, I'd really like more whites in the world, preferably living around me. I guess I had the idea that East Asians were fine as well, but I don't really trust mostly South Korea. But maybe it's just a wrongful impression by the way it is being portrayed over the Internet. Of course it's still far better than robbery, rape and home invasions, but they seem to be kind of "siding" with the ones supporting this shit.
Being mixed and from a third world shithole, I'd really like more whites in the world, preferably living around me. I guess I had the idea that East Asians were fine as well, but I don't really trust mostly South Korea. But maybe it's just a wrongful impression by the way it is being portrayed over the Internet. Of course it's still far better than robbery, rape and home invasions, but they seem to be kind of "siding" with the ones supporting this shit.
I feel as if the Universe is trying to tell me, "your parents accidentally created you and felt as if the world needed you, but everybody later changed their minds, and we can't undo your birth. So just die now kthxbai."
I can't escape my childhood. It's been years since ive spoken to my family and I moved far away, but i still have intrusive thoughts, nightmares and flashbacks. Basic things like fighting with my sibling when i was 4 years old and the general dynamic. The way they fucked with my head and I can still feel my behavior affected by it. It's mutilation that I can't undo. It's like looking in the mirror and seeing scars all over me but it's in my mind
>>282503
there's no way you can prove that to yourself. Those entities could deceive you in the most heinous of ways
there's no way you can prove that to yourself. Those entities could deceive you in the most heinous of ways
>>282503
demons are real
I suspect angels are too but if they are they sure don't like to reveal themselves
demons are real
I suspect angels are too but if they are they sure don't like to reveal themselves
>>282513
Then they exist. Is the problem with demons that they are demons or that they do what demons do?
Then they exist. Is the problem with demons that they are demons or that they do what demons do?
>>282509
can't be escaped entirely, but constant occupation with meaningful work may ease it. if you manage to obtain some soft of a goal (even short term) and focus on it, you may end up spending less time gloating over the intrusive thoughts. note that i haven't been able to find any meaningful occupation for myself for quite a while, because of whatever the fuck, so i myself is not very confident that the advice is useful.
can't be escaped entirely, but constant occupation with meaningful work may ease it. if you manage to obtain some soft of a goal (even short term) and focus on it, you may end up spending less time gloating over the intrusive thoughts. note that i haven't been able to find any meaningful occupation for myself for quite a while, because of whatever the fuck, so i myself is not very confident that the advice is useful.
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A pint of vodka feels like nothing now. I'm buying a fifth tomorrow after work to erase the weekend alone.
>>282532
There are a lot of genuine reasons to be depressed and crawling as a result of mass third-world invasion. Instead of whining "/pol/! pol-tard from shitchan!" when reminded with the very popular, global opinion that Europe does not need 1 billion Africans, you can try to explain why you believe these guys' depression is somehow invalid.
There are a lot of genuine reasons to be depressed and crawling as a result of mass third-world invasion. Instead of whining "/pol/! pol-tard from shitchan!" when reminded with the very popular, global opinion that Europe does not need 1 billion Africans, you can try to explain why you believe these guys' depression is somehow invalid.
>>282532
Have you noticed a lot of recent mass shooters seem to be collected from imageboards, discords and internet communities full of depressed lonely men? IIRC there was a potential shooter arrested at some minecraft/roblox event.
>>282533
This ain't the /pol/ thread and you probably think you are pretty slick. Like a burger who think planes flew into towers because "religion".
Have you noticed a lot of recent mass shooters seem to be collected from imageboards, discords and internet communities full of depressed lonely men? IIRC there was a potential shooter arrested at some minecraft/roblox event.
>>282533
This ain't the /pol/ thread and you probably think you are pretty slick. Like a burger who think planes flew into towers because "religion".
>>282533
>and crawling
Not that wiz, but are you a tourist or something? The way you're using that word makes no sense in relation to its original meaning on this site.
>>282504
>Maybe this doesn't belong in the depression thread
Don't know how the mods feel about this stuff, but as one wiz to another, please, just keep stuff like this in the designated containment threads. Your post itself doesn't really bother me, but I don't want it being used as an excuse to shoehorn in any and all politics bs. Outsiders especially…tourists etc, will latch onto it. Honestly wouldn't even have said anything if not for the post above, but thought I might as well since I rarely post anyway.
>and crawling
Not that wiz, but are you a tourist or something? The way you're using that word makes no sense in relation to its original meaning on this site.
>>282504
>Maybe this doesn't belong in the depression thread
Don't know how the mods feel about this stuff, but as one wiz to another, please, just keep stuff like this in the designated containment threads. Your post itself doesn't really bother me, but I don't want it being used as an excuse to shoehorn in any and all politics bs. Outsiders especially…tourists etc, will latch onto it. Honestly wouldn't even have said anything if not for the post above, but thought I might as well since I rarely post anyway.
>>282533
Prove you are a civilized European by not disrupting law and order on Wizchan to make a point. There are appropriate threads where these ideas can be discussed, and the vast majority will agree with you.
Invading apolitical spaces, because the situation is so apocalyptic that all must be politicized, just annoys people with your Cause.
Prove you are a civilized European by not disrupting law and order on Wizchan to make a point. There are appropriate threads where these ideas can be discussed, and the vast majority will agree with you.
Invading apolitical spaces, because the situation is so apocalyptic that all must be politicized, just annoys people with your Cause.
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>>282537
Nobody here wants to hear that /pol/ shit, anon. I don't want to waste my precious time debating niggers, trannies and succubi. Those things are beneath me.
Nobody here wants to hear that /pol/ shit, anon. I don't want to waste my precious time debating niggers, trannies and succubi. Those things are beneath me.
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I can't communicate.
I've been in bed since 7 PM yesterday and it's now 12:35 PM. I've been sleeping for over 12 hours and I still don't feel any better. Hallucinations are still whining about every single little thing.
Stupid fucking boss cursed me out for not having some computers set sooner. Then tried to get all sweet at the end of the day. I don't give a fuck if you're "stressed". So am I you faggot. I have money saved up. He needs me. I do not need him. I know the systems of our clients better than anyone. Fuck I hate this shit.
I'm going to look for a new job. I fucking HATE when people think they can speak to you any kind of way. I have NEVER gotten upset with my boss and he fucking curses me out like I'm some bum on the street. I'm looking for a new job and I hope he fucking sinks. Stupid old fuck.
I answered calls on the weekend quickly with no pay when I was SICK and he does this. People are fucking crazy. He must think I look like a bitch.
Hallucinations are doing that thing again in which they pretend to be therapists telling me to, "just relax and it will all make sense." Which is their weird way of expressing that they don't want me to go to therapy ever again because I apparently don't need it because all I apparently need to do is just lay almost perfectly still 24 hours out of each and every day so that I end up feeling so lazy that I no longer feel the need to go to therapy nor do much else in life.
My NEETbux savings from the past 4 years have been almost completely wiped out by a combination of vet bills, medication and a course I paid for. If I were a wagie and had to work for this money that all got spent within about 2 months, I would probably feel really bitter about that.
Told myself I'll apply for a job two days ago but looking at the online form gave me anxiety and I kept putting it off until today. I can't do this.
I'm so fucking depressed.
It's like my brain lost the ability to produce the feel good chemicals.
It's like my brain lost the ability to produce the feel good chemicals.
I wish I could smoke weed again. That's the only thing in this life that ever made me happy.
>>282651
When you don't have a superficial illnesses to blame for how you feel anymore, you must look in to your own poor health decisions for answers.
When you don't have a superficial illnesses to blame for how you feel anymore, you must look in to your own poor health decisions for answers.
I sometimes imagine what it would be like explaining adulthood to my childhood self.
I imagine telling him, "you know how when you were in elementary school the fifth graders would look down on the kids slightly younger than them, like the second graders, or even fourth graders? Adulthood is kinda' like that. The adults that are even slightly older will still treat you like a kid–even call you a 'kid' and 'child' even when you're well into your 20s and 30s. Not only that, but sometimes adults younger than you will sometimes treat you like a kid. They will even sabotage your attempts at improving your life."
I imagine telling him, "you know how when you were in elementary school the fifth graders would look down on the kids slightly younger than them, like the second graders, or even fourth graders? Adulthood is kinda' like that. The adults that are even slightly older will still treat you like a kid–even call you a 'kid' and 'child' even when you're well into your 20s and 30s. Not only that, but sometimes adults younger than you will sometimes treat you like a kid. They will even sabotage your attempts at improving your life."
Anyone else here too self-aware to enjoy life?
I keep thinking 'why am I doing this?' whenever I'm doing something. It feels like there's no point in doing anything.
I keep thinking 'why am I doing this?' whenever I'm doing something. It feels like there's no point in doing anything.
>>282685
It's all about hedonism. Thought experiments like being connected to some pleasure machine might make hedonism look hollow but such machines don't actually exist.
It's all about hedonism. Thought experiments like being connected to some pleasure machine might make hedonism look hollow but such machines don't actually exist.
I have now not only watched all the good anime that exist, I have also watched all the good Chinese cartoons. It's a whole new level of empty.
>>282699
I did that a few years ago. I suppose they've put out new stuff since then, but I bet it's all shit knowing modern western TV. I basically watched all the good shows of western TV too. Not everything I'm sure, but enough that finding good ones is a chore.
I did that a few years ago. I suppose they've put out new stuff since then, but I bet it's all shit knowing modern western TV. I basically watched all the good shows of western TV too. Not everything I'm sure, but enough that finding good ones is a chore.
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I hate the NPC meme and what it stands for but I really do feel like I am posting with bots. People make threads with some question, I reply to that question with an invitation for an answer and yet everyone just stops posting. It makes me so mad how often mid discussion threads just die. I am slowly stopping going on imageboards but how do I fill that hole now? Just reading news with no discussion feels lonely.
>>282709
I'm actually starting to feel like a bot. As if my consciousness is being replaced internally by some sort of artificial soul.
I'm actually starting to feel like a bot. As if my consciousness is being replaced internally by some sort of artificial soul.
Im going to get burned alive by the country of Norway on the 23rd of September at 21 pm. Its going to happen. I can't fucking wait to die.
>>282711
if by uninteresting you mean I didn't make some provocative post about politics or transsexuals then I guess you're right
if by uninteresting you mean I didn't make some provocative post about politics or transsexuals then I guess you're right
>>282698
Only thing I look forward to each week is BTTH on Sundays. Last anime that I actually followed to the end from recent seasons was Summertime Rendering.
Only thing I look forward to each week is BTTH on Sundays. Last anime that I actually followed to the end from recent seasons was Summertime Rendering.
>>282709
The bots are always doing things like that. They are in the business of trying to hook users, so they are testing out new conversation topics, seeing how many people reply and such. It's like those AI that test out billions of protein arrangements, but instead of curing cancer they're trying to annoy people with as few words as possible.
But yes, I agree. I have no one to talk to anymore. Even if I get someone to talk to me via some private messaging app they reply with 1 word answers and sometimes take days to get back to me. Even if they are very earnest in the beginning that they want to talk.
The bots are always doing things like that. They are in the business of trying to hook users, so they are testing out new conversation topics, seeing how many people reply and such. It's like those AI that test out billions of protein arrangements, but instead of curing cancer they're trying to annoy people with as few words as possible.
But yes, I agree. I have no one to talk to anymore. Even if I get someone to talk to me via some private messaging app they reply with 1 word answers and sometimes take days to get back to me. Even if they are very earnest in the beginning that they want to talk.
>>282519
When I say "demons" I refer to metaphysical entities that exist independently from humans and can, are, and will exist with or without the existence of humans. And they can also directly interact with physical objects.
I have probably come as close to perceiving the paranormal/supernatural world as any other "spiritual" person can without completely losing one's mind at least to the extent of being able to express myself semi-coherently… and I can honestly say:
There's nothing there. The physical world is all there is. This is it.
When I say "demons" I refer to metaphysical entities that exist independently from humans and can, are, and will exist with or without the existence of humans. And they can also directly interact with physical objects.
I have probably come as close to perceiving the paranormal/supernatural world as any other "spiritual" person can without completely losing one's mind at least to the extent of being able to express myself semi-coherently… and I can honestly say:
There's nothing there. The physical world is all there is. This is it.
One thing I've noticed in my long NEET life (I've known it for a while, but I was reminded) is that you are everyone's punching bag. People constantly yell at you, give you shit, because there's nothing you can do to fight back. My brother is a moody, volatile fuck. And despite being a prick nobody says anything to him because he openly tells them to fuck off and doesn't care.
I wish I had the power to be a dickhead. People respect dickheads. You have to be a little bit of an asshole to keep people in line
I wish I had the power to be a dickhead. People respect dickheads. You have to be a little bit of an asshole to keep people in line
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im very afraid. i just want everything to end well.
i want to be free but im in a cage. i f*cked up my life very badly. i dont know why i behaved the way i did. i wasnt being myself. its too late now. every day i make a little progress but i dont think im making progress fast enough. it doesnt look like im progressing but i think i am. im trying but my best wont be enough. its like being in a flooding prison, trying to chip away at the bars before you drown, its impossible, its the worst feeling. being honest, i dont think its my fault, but that doesnt matter.
there are things i wouldnt be able to endure. im too much of a coward to kill myself, so i thought about just being homeless. just quitting, going out, lying in some quiet street, not ask anyone for money or food, just lie there until my body starves to death.
i dont know how to explain this. theres something i feel or i believe in, its true, i know it, no matter what anyone says, i dont care that no one believes me, not any person using any argument could convince me im wrong, i feel it. but i was born into a very shitty life, and it looks like there are limits too how much just free will, or whatever this is called, alone can achieve. i dont know. to be honest maybe i dont care about "purpose" or whatever, maybe i just really like reading and learning and doing things, its just that there are things that i really, really like, but i will never get to do them. i know im not important, i dont care that im not important, i just really love learning and making things. i would still like learning and making things even if i were the only person left on the planet. its the worst pain in the world not being allowed to do any of these things.
i wish i could communicate properly. i keep trying to but i cant. its something i wouldnt talk about if i could just show it through actions but i think im in a losing game so i have to talk about it. i know ill lose. i dont want to be erased like i never existed. i want to learn a lot of things, and write, draw and compose. i think i can do it. at least i enjoy trying. it doesnt even matter that im good at these things or not, i could be the worst person on the planet at each of these things, i would still love doing them, i wouldnt care if everyone made fun of me for being bad, i really really love learning and making things. math, cs, drawing and music. i really really love these things, i could spend all eternity having fun with them. but ill never be allowed to pursue any of these things. so at least i want to talk about it.
im a mistake, my parents didnt mean to create me.
god, please wait for me. please dont abandon me. please let me try. please give me a chance.im afraid. i just want to succeed but it looks like its already over, like i made irrepairable mistakes.
i hate this. ignore all of this. none of this matters. i keep trying to, i have tried hundreds of times, but i cant describe whats going on. it just hurts a lot. ive lost something very big. a very big chance. i wanted to be really free. and this is egomaniac and narcisistic but i felt like i could give a lot. like i was supposed to be very useful. and very free. it hurts that i cant show you what i mean. it feels like my soul is being crushed or erased, and being honest it feels like it wasnt supposed to be like this. god, what am i supposed to do? i really dont think i can succeed, i dont stand a chance, its just the countdown until i die, or until i have to quit because i cant take it, but i definetely feel like there is something inside me, like theres a path i must follow, but now its just too late. im dying, i dont want to die, i want to do things. retard. this is a prison. it hurts. god it hurts. retard retard retard.
i want to be free but im in a cage. i f*cked up my life very badly. i dont know why i behaved the way i did. i wasnt being myself. its too late now. every day i make a little progress but i dont think im making progress fast enough. it doesnt look like im progressing but i think i am. im trying but my best wont be enough. its like being in a flooding prison, trying to chip away at the bars before you drown, its impossible, its the worst feeling. being honest, i dont think its my fault, but that doesnt matter.
there are things i wouldnt be able to endure. im too much of a coward to kill myself, so i thought about just being homeless. just quitting, going out, lying in some quiet street, not ask anyone for money or food, just lie there until my body starves to death.
i dont know how to explain this. theres something i feel or i believe in, its true, i know it, no matter what anyone says, i dont care that no one believes me, not any person using any argument could convince me im wrong, i feel it. but i was born into a very shitty life, and it looks like there are limits too how much just free will, or whatever this is called, alone can achieve. i dont know. to be honest maybe i dont care about "purpose" or whatever, maybe i just really like reading and learning and doing things, its just that there are things that i really, really like, but i will never get to do them. i know im not important, i dont care that im not important, i just really love learning and making things. i would still like learning and making things even if i were the only person left on the planet. its the worst pain in the world not being allowed to do any of these things.
i wish i could communicate properly. i keep trying to but i cant. its something i wouldnt talk about if i could just show it through actions but i think im in a losing game so i have to talk about it. i know ill lose. i dont want to be erased like i never existed. i want to learn a lot of things, and write, draw and compose. i think i can do it. at least i enjoy trying. it doesnt even matter that im good at these things or not, i could be the worst person on the planet at each of these things, i would still love doing them, i wouldnt care if everyone made fun of me for being bad, i really really love learning and making things. math, cs, drawing and music. i really really love these things, i could spend all eternity having fun with them. but ill never be allowed to pursue any of these things. so at least i want to talk about it.
im a mistake, my parents didnt mean to create me.
god, please wait for me. please dont abandon me. please let me try. please give me a chance.im afraid. i just want to succeed but it looks like its already over, like i made irrepairable mistakes.
i hate this. ignore all of this. none of this matters. i keep trying to, i have tried hundreds of times, but i cant describe whats going on. it just hurts a lot. ive lost something very big. a very big chance. i wanted to be really free. and this is egomaniac and narcisistic but i felt like i could give a lot. like i was supposed to be very useful. and very free. it hurts that i cant show you what i mean. it feels like my soul is being crushed or erased, and being honest it feels like it wasnt supposed to be like this. god, what am i supposed to do? i really dont think i can succeed, i dont stand a chance, its just the countdown until i die, or until i have to quit because i cant take it, but i definetely feel like there is something inside me, like theres a path i must follow, but now its just too late. im dying, i dont want to die, i want to do things. retard. this is a prison. it hurts. god it hurts. retard retard retard.
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Non allergic rhinitis is worse than cancer. At least cancer kills you faster.
>>282720
>i want to be free but im in a cage
by this do you mean having no free time because of wageslavery?
>and it looks like there are limits too how much just free will, or whatever this is called, alone can achieve.
i think its best to not think about the limits or else it creates a negative feedback where you might perceive the limits too early
I don't know if you are talking about something similar like I feel. I too feel the desire to create but I feel like my brain is just too unproductive. I can't focus on one thing and I feel only very small pleasure so it's hard to motivate myself and I'm also stupid and uncreative so I mostly badly ape what others do instead of innovating.
>i want to be free but im in a cage
by this do you mean having no free time because of wageslavery?
>and it looks like there are limits too how much just free will, or whatever this is called, alone can achieve.
i think its best to not think about the limits or else it creates a negative feedback where you might perceive the limits too early
I don't know if you are talking about something similar like I feel. I too feel the desire to create but I feel like my brain is just too unproductive. I can't focus on one thing and I feel only very small pleasure so it's hard to motivate myself and I'm also stupid and uncreative so I mostly badly ape what others do instead of innovating.
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>>282709
same. i don't know why i keep coming back when i've seen the same pattern repeat many times throughout the years. i've probably only had some two or three conversations here that were truly interesting to me. i treasure them, as stupid, sad, and gay as that may sound. i'm not interested in most of the things people here discuss, and people are not interested in the only matters i still find interesting in this world where everything seems boring and pointless to me (i'm not even interested in the very best that it has to offer, wealth, etc., my greatest desire would be to escape it). but the worst thing about here is that i end up getting sucked into very emotionally-charged discussions about issues and social categories that actually mean nothing to me, only to feel like an idiot afterwards and wonder why i even got caught up in that.
most of the heated discussions here come down to a matter of feelings, usually anger and hatred, so it's not something that discussion can solve but only intensify. and most of those feelings are caused by buying into cultural narratives that should mean nothing to a hikki permaneet in isolation like me who already rejected society, but it's still very infectious.
>Just reading news with no discussion feels lonely.
my idea was replacing online communities with books. same problem. i still can't get away from the fact that i do have an inner need to exchange ideas, and books by people who died long ago don't reply back to my questions, suggestion, objections, etc. i want to figure reality out and i know i have to do it on my own, but it feels ultimately pointless if it's all to just stay in my head.
there's no escaping it. i should finally quit all online communities and go full hermit forever. i lose more by going to them.
>>282720
you still around, huh.
same. i don't know why i keep coming back when i've seen the same pattern repeat many times throughout the years. i've probably only had some two or three conversations here that were truly interesting to me. i treasure them, as stupid, sad, and gay as that may sound. i'm not interested in most of the things people here discuss, and people are not interested in the only matters i still find interesting in this world where everything seems boring and pointless to me (i'm not even interested in the very best that it has to offer, wealth, etc., my greatest desire would be to escape it). but the worst thing about here is that i end up getting sucked into very emotionally-charged discussions about issues and social categories that actually mean nothing to me, only to feel like an idiot afterwards and wonder why i even got caught up in that.
most of the heated discussions here come down to a matter of feelings, usually anger and hatred, so it's not something that discussion can solve but only intensify. and most of those feelings are caused by buying into cultural narratives that should mean nothing to a hikki permaneet in isolation like me who already rejected society, but it's still very infectious.
>Just reading news with no discussion feels lonely.
my idea was replacing online communities with books. same problem. i still can't get away from the fact that i do have an inner need to exchange ideas, and books by people who died long ago don't reply back to my questions, suggestion, objections, etc. i want to figure reality out and i know i have to do it on my own, but it feels ultimately pointless if it's all to just stay in my head.
there's no escaping it. i should finally quit all online communities and go full hermit forever. i lose more by going to them.
>>282720
you still around, huh.
>>282724
>people are not interested in the only matters i still find interesting in this world
What are those matters?
Feel free not to answer, I wouldn't want to either. I'm simply curious.
>people are not interested in the only matters i still find interesting in this world
What are those matters?
Feel free not to answer, I wouldn't want to either. I'm simply curious.
>>282729
metaphysical questions about what existence and reality are, and also some "spiritual" topics like the afterlife, astral projection, and waifus (in a more "spiritual" sense)
metaphysical questions about what existence and reality are, and also some "spiritual" topics like the afterlife, astral projection, and waifus (in a more "spiritual" sense)
>>282709
I had a extended conversation with an anon and then he said something so bizarre I instantly knew it was a bot. Pissed me off so fucking much. The internet feels like a ghost town. I see the same posts and memes and the posting styles repeatedly. Feels like 500 people use the internet and there's 5,000,000 bots
I had a extended conversation with an anon and then he said something so bizarre I instantly knew it was a bot. Pissed me off so fucking much. The internet feels like a ghost town. I see the same posts and memes and the posting styles repeatedly. Feels like 500 people use the internet and there's 5,000,000 bots
I've drank 5 fifths of vodka this week since I'm on vacation. I want to die. Currently waiting for the liquor store to open
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I can't talk.
I just remembered this one time that my mother had me drink this foul-smelling, brown-colored holy water that she took from some nearby church a few years ago in order to "cure" me of my essential tremors and asthma.
I should've taken that as a lesson to teach me to never confide in my mother in regards to just about anything that ails me, but years later she pressured me into taking various psychotropic meds that were supposed to treat depression and anxiety but only made me feel worse.
I should've taken that as a lesson to teach me to never confide in my mother in regards to just about anything that ails me, but years later she pressured me into taking various psychotropic meds that were supposed to treat depression and anxiety but only made me feel worse.
>when my mother starts throwing holy water all over the apartment after telling me she doesn't believe in shit like ghosts and demons and I'm just like, "lady, what the fuck do you think holy water is for?" but she doesn't understand me because she doesn't understand English but she doesn't understand me when I try explaining this to her in Spanish either
nothing good ever happens in life. only suffering and hardship. even if there is a pinch of goodness, it is destroyed by the great flood of suffering that comes. therefore there's nothing good in life. never-ending suffering until you die. after you die there may be more suffering
only suffering. nothing more
only suffering. nothing more
>when people tell you that you're too quiet and should talk more but then they tell you that they don't want you talking to them but talking to others
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Incommunicable.
>>282750
Then why the bad corrupt people get away with everything and live such a good life of leisure and elitism? life is sadly not shit for everyone
Then why the bad corrupt people get away with everything and live such a good life of leisure and elitism? life is sadly not shit for everyone
I have suffered from depression my entire life and the only thing that's gotten me through it all is a sense that maybe things will get better and that if I just stick it out change will come and things will be okay.
And, at least historically, I've been right; things usually turn out okay, or at least not terrible, in some way. Things have always been hard for me, but I always seem to manage.
But the older I get the more I begin to see a pattern in this life. I suffer, I cope, things get manageable, I think "oh, finally, I can breathe again, things are okay." And then bam. Something happens. I suffer, I cope, things become manageable. Rinse, lather, repeat.
This endless pattern has become both a source of anguish and comfort. At least I know what the future holds for me in the sense that I know the future will be continuous suffering and overcoming hardships. I know I can handle hard things because I've handled hard things. And that's fine and all. But it's just seemed lately I've been feeling pigeon holed by this endless cycle of suffer, cope, breathe, suffer, cope, breathe.
It's becoming so tiresome trying to keep my head up lately. I want desperately to find a job that feels fulfilling, I want to feel as of my four year degree means something. I want a quiet life where I can pay my bills, see a doctor when I need to, and have a little extra money for nice things for myself. But shit just keeps getting in the way, and I'm constantly fighting battles that make me too emotionally exhausted to get too far ahead in life. I make just enough to pay my bills, and that's it. My aspirations of landing that "dream job" I went to school for just seem like more trouble than it's all worth at this point. I don't even care what job I have; I'm not a prideful person, and the grind just feels like a waste of effort when I'm stuck in a system that forces me to simply bust ass to keep my head above water. It all feels like a pipe dream.
And yet, here I am. Stupidly hopeful for the future, hopeful that someday I'll be happy and better off. And even the hope I feel is weighing me down; it's just a repeat of a repeat of a repeat.
I'm so tired of all of this. We aren't meant to live like this, if you can even call it living.
>>282752
Thinking that I'm too quiet and boring to people.
Alternative: talking to people and thinking I'm annoying.
And, at least historically, I've been right; things usually turn out okay, or at least not terrible, in some way. Things have always been hard for me, but I always seem to manage.
But the older I get the more I begin to see a pattern in this life. I suffer, I cope, things get manageable, I think "oh, finally, I can breathe again, things are okay." And then bam. Something happens. I suffer, I cope, things become manageable. Rinse, lather, repeat.
This endless pattern has become both a source of anguish and comfort. At least I know what the future holds for me in the sense that I know the future will be continuous suffering and overcoming hardships. I know I can handle hard things because I've handled hard things. And that's fine and all. But it's just seemed lately I've been feeling pigeon holed by this endless cycle of suffer, cope, breathe, suffer, cope, breathe.
It's becoming so tiresome trying to keep my head up lately. I want desperately to find a job that feels fulfilling, I want to feel as of my four year degree means something. I want a quiet life where I can pay my bills, see a doctor when I need to, and have a little extra money for nice things for myself. But shit just keeps getting in the way, and I'm constantly fighting battles that make me too emotionally exhausted to get too far ahead in life. I make just enough to pay my bills, and that's it. My aspirations of landing that "dream job" I went to school for just seem like more trouble than it's all worth at this point. I don't even care what job I have; I'm not a prideful person, and the grind just feels like a waste of effort when I'm stuck in a system that forces me to simply bust ass to keep my head above water. It all feels like a pipe dream.
And yet, here I am. Stupidly hopeful for the future, hopeful that someday I'll be happy and better off. And even the hope I feel is weighing me down; it's just a repeat of a repeat of a repeat.
I'm so tired of all of this. We aren't meant to live like this, if you can even call it living.
>>282752
Thinking that I'm too quiet and boring to people.
Alternative: talking to people and thinking I'm annoying.
>>282724
>>282731
I don't mean to sound like an insufferable asshole with this post as it sounds like I'm a half-ass tagging along with what you said as I know you already have a full idea on what you're talking about, and stating my own thoughts which are unwarranted. Ultimately I empathize with what you said.
The topics here repeat because the entire site is centered around being miserable, cast out, hating yourself, so on. Imageboard culture has beaten too hard into the heads of newcomers that stepping outside the boundaries are heavily frowned upon. In another environment that wouldn't be centered around niches and subjects, or allowed discussion outside of topics without populace backlash people would be more open-minded to discuss something besides what they feel they're forced to talk about it, and are too beaten down and afraid to do paint outside the lines. And when a genuine question does arise you get what you experience. I'm aware that this includes me as I have little motivation to discuss these topics or at least when I'm the one to posit it as I feel like I wouldn't get any satisfactory response, and I feel like I'd have to fight tooth and nail over everything I say on both parts of my abhorrent syntax and the replier being an unreasonable prick not that I haven't been hotheaded, playing a role/being (non-purposefully) ingenuine, or been the prick at times.
The hesitation to be committed to conversations like this is a thought in the back of the head that signals that this ultimately futile to the party as there's no easy connection to an anonymous entity and they're too lazy to put in the effort for that which is a fault of the modern Anon; there is a yearning for order and simplicity that will not come naturally because of all the bickering (feeling of being a stranger or in hostile territory) and lack of effort, and those better days will not come back.
With what I've seen of every imageboard I've gone to and still check up on the whole format is currently inhabited by people who just want to dump shitposts, genuinely bad actors, diehards who safeguard and refuse to let it fall into those two's hands. Those who left could've turned their lives around, killed themselves, or found other forums to go on. 4chan had the "critical mass" of an exponential amount of users, who come from varying socioeconomic, social hierarchical, and intellectual backgrounds, that generated lively conversation and enough of it for lurkers to partake. 4chan is out of balance and popular now, and these small and medium-sized imageboards are dead or subpar.
>metaphysical questions about what existence and reality are, and also some "spiritual" topics like the afterlife, astral projection, and waifus (in a more "spiritual" sense)
I tried to talk about paranormal/spiritual topics like that to other people and they didn't really give a shit or just linked to whatever philosopher they subscribed to as their beliefs rather than actually discuss anything which isn't at its base bad as I'd assume they do believe in it but it tells me they don't question or wish to discuss its intricacies. I unfortunately let it get to me which I think tells I put too much reliance on others.
I think I said enough, I'm tired of waiting.
>>282739
Here's your (you), I know that feeling.
>>282731
I don't mean to sound like an insufferable asshole with this post as it sounds like I'm a half-ass tagging along with what you said as I know you already have a full idea on what you're talking about, and stating my own thoughts which are unwarranted. Ultimately I empathize with what you said.
The topics here repeat because the entire site is centered around being miserable, cast out, hating yourself, so on. Imageboard culture has beaten too hard into the heads of newcomers that stepping outside the boundaries are heavily frowned upon. In another environment that wouldn't be centered around niches and subjects, or allowed discussion outside of topics without populace backlash people would be more open-minded to discuss something besides what they feel they're forced to talk about it, and are too beaten down and afraid to do paint outside the lines. And when a genuine question does arise you get what you experience. I'm aware that this includes me as I have little motivation to discuss these topics or at least when I'm the one to posit it as I feel like I wouldn't get any satisfactory response, and I feel like I'd have to fight tooth and nail over everything I say on both parts of my abhorrent syntax and the replier being an unreasonable prick not that I haven't been hotheaded, playing a role/being (non-purposefully) ingenuine, or been the prick at times.
The hesitation to be committed to conversations like this is a thought in the back of the head that signals that this ultimately futile to the party as there's no easy connection to an anonymous entity and they're too lazy to put in the effort for that which is a fault of the modern Anon; there is a yearning for order and simplicity that will not come naturally because of all the bickering (feeling of being a stranger or in hostile territory) and lack of effort, and those better days will not come back.
With what I've seen of every imageboard I've gone to and still check up on the whole format is currently inhabited by people who just want to dump shitposts, genuinely bad actors, diehards who safeguard and refuse to let it fall into those two's hands. Those who left could've turned their lives around, killed themselves, or found other forums to go on. 4chan had the "critical mass" of an exponential amount of users, who come from varying socioeconomic, social hierarchical, and intellectual backgrounds, that generated lively conversation and enough of it for lurkers to partake. 4chan is out of balance and popular now, and these small and medium-sized imageboards are dead or subpar.
>metaphysical questions about what existence and reality are, and also some "spiritual" topics like the afterlife, astral projection, and waifus (in a more "spiritual" sense)
I tried to talk about paranormal/spiritual topics like that to other people and they didn't really give a shit or just linked to whatever philosopher they subscribed to as their beliefs rather than actually discuss anything which isn't at its base bad as I'd assume they do believe in it but it tells me they don't question or wish to discuss its intricacies. I unfortunately let it get to me which I think tells I put too much reliance on others.
I think I said enough, I'm tired of waiting.
>>282739
Here's your (you), I know that feeling.
I can't remember the last time that I spoke with someone for longer than five minutes that was neither a family member nor health care provider.
Probably the last time that I spoke with a family member for longer than an hour was sometime around 2015 with my father. I don't think I've spoken with him since 2020.
The last health care provider that I spoke with for longer than five minutes was sometime in early-2022. She worked as a therapist but wasn't actually my therapist. She was only there to refer me to a new therapist because my previous therapist had retired in 2021. Most of my sessions with psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, and doctors have been very short, like five to fifteen minutes long. With therapists it's usually like thirty to fifty minutes per session; I got one session that was an hour and a half long because I paid more.
I haven't had any lengthy online conversations with internet acquaintances since, like, 2007 or 2008 or so.
Probably the last time that I spoke with a family member for longer than an hour was sometime around 2015 with my father. I don't think I've spoken with him since 2020.
The last health care provider that I spoke with for longer than five minutes was sometime in early-2022. She worked as a therapist but wasn't actually my therapist. She was only there to refer me to a new therapist because my previous therapist had retired in 2021. Most of my sessions with psychiatrists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, and doctors have been very short, like five to fifteen minutes long. With therapists it's usually like thirty to fifty minutes per session; I got one session that was an hour and a half long because I paid more.
I haven't had any lengthy online conversations with internet acquaintances since, like, 2007 or 2008 or so.
Just had a call with my father who lives in another country. His advice to my financial problems was 'become a blogger, they rake in cash'. Holy fuck, boomers really think it everything is just so easy!
I feel awful.
I feel awful.
>>282709
>>282735
Mind sharing or linking a few instances of this happening? You must, after making such a post.
>>282716
That's awful but believable. Sounds worse than shadowbanning if you think about it.
>I have no one to talk to anymore. Even if I get someone to talk to me via some private messaging app they reply with 1 word answers and sometimes take days to get back to me. Even if they are very earnest in the beginning that they want to talk.
The fate of a generation.
>>282724
>my idea was replacing online communities with books. same problem.
Same but vidya and programming.
>i should finally quit all online communities and go full hermit forever.
Judging from both our shared experiences, this is simply not possible. On the contrary, we should make and earnest effort to connect with *suitable* individuals and stick to them till death. That sounded gay as fuck, but I really mean it.
>>282735
Mind sharing or linking a few instances of this happening? You must, after making such a post.
>>282716
That's awful but believable. Sounds worse than shadowbanning if you think about it.
>I have no one to talk to anymore. Even if I get someone to talk to me via some private messaging app they reply with 1 word answers and sometimes take days to get back to me. Even if they are very earnest in the beginning that they want to talk.
The fate of a generation.
>>282724
>my idea was replacing online communities with books. same problem.
Same but vidya and programming.
>i should finally quit all online communities and go full hermit forever.
Judging from both our shared experiences, this is simply not possible. On the contrary, we should make and earnest effort to connect with *suitable* individuals and stick to them till death. That sounded gay as fuck, but I really mean it.
I hate the moments when the feeling of it all being meaningless sets in. Especially during work or gaming.
>>282765
Try to rationalize why "it" having "meaning" would make you feel any better. You can make meaning for yourself, but objectively the meaning of human life is to create more humans, and we've already opted out of that. Consider yourself to be free of an duty as opposed to being denied direction.
Try to rationalize why "it" having "meaning" would make you feel any better. You can make meaning for yourself, but objectively the meaning of human life is to create more humans, and we've already opted out of that. Consider yourself to be free of an duty as opposed to being denied direction.
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I'm like 10 minutes staring at my wall, doing nothing because there's nothing, good or bad, that I wanna do. I don't like life.
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>>282772
I feel like this because everything I want with my heart is out of reach. I don't really care enough for riches: sure it would be nice to own a beautiful house in nature, I am a consoomer so I would also enjoy buying nice things but from experience they only give short bursts of please but no happiness. I would also love to travel and eat at nice restauraunts but all these things feel like a distraction.
I even would like to have a fulfilling job but these are unobtainium and even the best jobs are tainted by greed and working with assholes.
I envy how down to earth and un-autistic most people are. They are happy doing their pointless job as long as it pays the bills and talking to people about pointless stuff. Everyone on the internet is having fun shitposting, sharing dumb memes, talking about video games and movies and when someone makes a sad post they complain about problems they could actually solve.
This must be why so many of my heartfelt posts get ignored. My posts are just not down to earth and practical.
I feel like this because everything I want with my heart is out of reach. I don't really care enough for riches: sure it would be nice to own a beautiful house in nature, I am a consoomer so I would also enjoy buying nice things but from experience they only give short bursts of please but no happiness. I would also love to travel and eat at nice restauraunts but all these things feel like a distraction.
I even would like to have a fulfilling job but these are unobtainium and even the best jobs are tainted by greed and working with assholes.
I envy how down to earth and un-autistic most people are. They are happy doing their pointless job as long as it pays the bills and talking to people about pointless stuff. Everyone on the internet is having fun shitposting, sharing dumb memes, talking about video games and movies and when someone makes a sad post they complain about problems they could actually solve.
This must be why so many of my heartfelt posts get ignored. My posts are just not down to earth and practical.
>>282772
I'm the same.
I'm literally sitting here doing absolutely nothing because I don't really care for anything. It's all so pointless.
I'm the same.
I'm literally sitting here doing absolutely nothing because I don't really care for anything. It's all so pointless.
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I don't know what to say.
Fuck. Another shitty morning.
It doesn't help that I've been sleeping on the floor for nearly five months because my bed broke down so I had to throw it out. Luckily, since my brother is moving into a new house with his new wife and new furniture; I'll be getting his bed and other furniture. But my mother told me that I was gonna' get his bed sometime in mid-June. It's almost October. And I don't think that sleeping on the floor is the only problem when it comes down to disturbing my sleep cycle, because I remember often times being able to sleep relatively well on the floor in previous years at sleepovers.
My biggest problem now is my hallucinations. They just won't shut the fuck up. As soon as I wake up BOOM! they're there. They're there in the nights, they're there in the mornings, they're there in the days, they're there when I shower, they're there when I'm on the toilet, they're there when I'm watching TV, they're there as I eat dinner, they're there as I walk outside somewhere, they're there as I write this. They've been there for over three years.
It doesn't help that I've been sleeping on the floor for nearly five months because my bed broke down so I had to throw it out. Luckily, since my brother is moving into a new house with his new wife and new furniture; I'll be getting his bed and other furniture. But my mother told me that I was gonna' get his bed sometime in mid-June. It's almost October. And I don't think that sleeping on the floor is the only problem when it comes down to disturbing my sleep cycle, because I remember often times being able to sleep relatively well on the floor in previous years at sleepovers.
My biggest problem now is my hallucinations. They just won't shut the fuck up. As soon as I wake up BOOM! they're there. They're there in the nights, they're there in the mornings, they're there in the days, they're there when I shower, they're there when I'm on the toilet, they're there when I'm watching TV, they're there as I eat dinner, they're there as I walk outside somewhere, they're there as I write this. They've been there for over three years.
>>282803
Dude honestly have you taken medication? This isn't a "meds now" post. You deserve some held man
Dude honestly have you taken medication? This isn't a "meds now" post. You deserve some held man
>>282804
>Dude honestly have you taken medication?
Yep. Lexapro, Klonopin, Adderall, Nefazodone, Abilify, Remeron, Wellbutrin, Ativan…
Lexapro in 2013, 2014, and I think in 2021 or 2022 up until 2023.
Klonopin in 2013 and 2014.
Adderall from 2015 to 2023.
Nefazodone in 2017.
Abilify in 2017, 2018, 2019, 2022, and 2023.
Remeron and Wellbutrin in 2018, 2019, and I think 2020.
Ativan in 2019 or 2020.
And a few more.
>Dude honestly have you taken medication?
Yep. Lexapro, Klonopin, Adderall, Nefazodone, Abilify, Remeron, Wellbutrin, Ativan…
Lexapro in 2013, 2014, and I think in 2021 or 2022 up until 2023.
Klonopin in 2013 and 2014.
Adderall from 2015 to 2023.
Nefazodone in 2017.
Abilify in 2017, 2018, 2019, 2022, and 2023.
Remeron and Wellbutrin in 2018, 2019, and I think 2020.
Ativan in 2019 or 2020.
And a few more.
>>282814
Mostly auditory verbal and visual hallucinations. Like 99% of my waking life. Tactile hallucinations every few hours. Gustatory and olfactory hallucinations much less frequently.
Mostly auditory verbal and visual hallucinations. Like 99% of my waking life. Tactile hallucinations every few hours. Gustatory and olfactory hallucinations much less frequently.
I woke up focused on trying to do the simple task I went to sleep trying to do. Now it's 16 hours later and I haven't done it. Such is things.
Mother wants to turn her soundbar on
>can’t find remote
>crash, bang, bang - everything being knocked off her side table as she looks for it
>”oh shit” she drops her keyboard and mouse
>has to walk over to manually turn it on
>knocks more stuff down, bang crash
>knocks crap over getting to soundbar
>turns it on, presses the wrong buttons
>wiz! how do I turn it to green
>tell her, she sits down again
>crash bang she dropped the keyboard again
Sitting here and the banging, shouting, noises all pierce in to my skull. Living with clumsy disabled relatives.
>can’t find remote
>crash, bang, bang - everything being knocked off her side table as she looks for it
>”oh shit” she drops her keyboard and mouse
>has to walk over to manually turn it on
>knocks more stuff down, bang crash
>knocks crap over getting to soundbar
>turns it on, presses the wrong buttons
>wiz! how do I turn it to green
>tell her, she sits down again
>crash bang she dropped the keyboard again
Sitting here and the banging, shouting, noises all pierce in to my skull. Living with clumsy disabled relatives.
I just want tons of money so i can neet and not wageslave. I absolutely despise this world and its inhabitants.
Ever since I turned 30 my parents pestering has reached a whole new level. They just won't stop.
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Can't stop crying over all the time I've wasted. Haven't watched anime or movies, played games, learned a skill or read a book since 2015. My neetdom will soon come to an end, and it's over. But it never began??????
I am so fucking sick and tired of normal people blogging about their happy lives. It's not fair, the internet was meant to be the outcasts refuge.
>>282859
my parents kinda resigned and it feels more depressing than when we were fighting all the time
my parents kinda resigned and it feels more depressing than when we were fighting all the time
I was on the bus today getting home and I had a random memory that last night I dreamt I attempted to kill myself. I slit my wrists and I think I cut deep into the side of my throat and began to feel very lightheaded and sleepy. It was a similar feeling to when I donated blood in an empty stomach and nearly passed out.
As I sat on the bus I recalled the feeling of being pulled away. I was overcome by the realization that even in my deepest subconscious state that we call dreaming my inner self knew how easy it all felt. How effortless it is to die.
I was so distracted I missed my stop.
As I sat on the bus I recalled the feeling of being pulled away. I was overcome by the realization that even in my deepest subconscious state that we call dreaming my inner self knew how easy it all felt. How effortless it is to die.
I was so distracted I missed my stop.
Just want this suffering to end, just want the voices in my head to stop.
just wish I was dead right now, can't kill myself since I am a fucking coward, don't have that much courage to end this.
Just feel I was never wanted, there is no purpose for me to live.
Even though I have a family that cares for me… so much, have cousins n even have a friend or two.
Just don't think I can explain myself to anyone of them, can't explain this pain… and just want this to end.
just wish I was dead right now, can't kill myself since I am a fucking coward, don't have that much courage to end this.
Just feel I was never wanted, there is no purpose for me to live.
Even though I have a family that cares for me… so much, have cousins n even have a friend or two.
Just don't think I can explain myself to anyone of them, can't explain this pain… and just want this to end.
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I just want to succeed. I won't make it. There's no point in trying, it's already over, I should be trying to enjoy whatever is left of my life, but nothing else matters to me so I want to try even though I know I'll fail. I don't know, I just want a lot of free time to read and learn a lot of things, so I can write, make and create a lot of things, but I won't have that. I wish I could have gotten into mathematics and computer science when I was between 2 and 6. I still have the essence, I can still do it, but this life has become a prison and I can't escape it.
I'm a mistake. I wasn't supposed to be born. But I was anyways. And I'm very lucky to be like this. I can see really nice dreams. But I'll never get to realize them. I'll never get to do what I want to do or what I think I'm supposed to do. So it wouldn't have made a difference if I were never born in the first place. I don't know, it's just that I feel something inside me, and I want to develop it to its full potential and bring it out. I have something immaterial, an ideal, or a kingdom of dreams, but I'll never get to show it, I'll never get to explore it. I just feel in a prison, even though I really want to be free, like I was born to be free but I was also born in a prison I can't get out of. I feel like a ghost, invisible. It really hurts. It's something incommunicable that I can't say. I wish I could reincarnate after I die, so I can try again.
I'm a mistake. I wasn't supposed to be born. But I was anyways. And I'm very lucky to be like this. I can see really nice dreams. But I'll never get to realize them. I'll never get to do what I want to do or what I think I'm supposed to do. So it wouldn't have made a difference if I were never born in the first place. I don't know, it's just that I feel something inside me, and I want to develop it to its full potential and bring it out. I have something immaterial, an ideal, or a kingdom of dreams, but I'll never get to show it, I'll never get to explore it. I just feel in a prison, even though I really want to be free, like I was born to be free but I was also born in a prison I can't get out of. I feel like a ghost, invisible. It really hurts. It's something incommunicable that I can't say. I wish I could reincarnate after I die, so I can try again.
I'm very insecure about my intelligence. I was working on a math problem (It's a hobby for me. I'm not in school) for a while and then I look up the answer and everyone parrots the "yeah this problem is HARD it took me like 30 minute to figure out" meanwhile I've been stuck on it for a fucking week.
Everything in this life is talent, genes, luck, inviolate factors that ruin everything from day 1. Intelligence is the lens in which life is filtered. Want to write a book? Learn math? Pick up a hobby? Well, your intellectual ability determines how far you will go, how satisfying it is, and how you are able to participate. I wanted to write a book, but knowing how stupid I am, It will turn out shit. What's the point if you aren't talented? It goes further than that. How can you trust your own reasoning, your own decisions and conclusions if you aren't smart? Can I doubt my doubt if I'm not smart enough to know? Should I even bother having opinions on things?
And then these faggots have the nerve to *brag*. "Hmm, real analysis? That was difficult for you? Just read the notes. I figured it out pretty quickly. hmmm maybe 3 days of hard work. yeah my IQ is 300 billion, tested of course. Not bragging. Just giving some contextual information friendo. Did you know that's 600 Standard deviations above average. Again, contextual information ahem sorry to say ahem just keep trying :)"
Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Life is rigged.
Everything in this life is talent, genes, luck, inviolate factors that ruin everything from day 1. Intelligence is the lens in which life is filtered. Want to write a book? Learn math? Pick up a hobby? Well, your intellectual ability determines how far you will go, how satisfying it is, and how you are able to participate. I wanted to write a book, but knowing how stupid I am, It will turn out shit. What's the point if you aren't talented? It goes further than that. How can you trust your own reasoning, your own decisions and conclusions if you aren't smart? Can I doubt my doubt if I'm not smart enough to know? Should I even bother having opinions on things?
And then these faggots have the nerve to *brag*. "Hmm, real analysis? That was difficult for you? Just read the notes. I figured it out pretty quickly. hmmm maybe 3 days of hard work. yeah my IQ is 300 billion, tested of course. Not bragging. Just giving some contextual information friendo. Did you know that's 600 Standard deviations above average. Again, contextual information ahem sorry to say ahem just keep trying :)"
Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Life is rigged.
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The balance is quickly shifting where my suicide might be better for my family than preventing suffering. My suicide will soon become mandatory, as time passes I just become a worse person.
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I grew up with an abusive father. When I was little and my siblings and I would act out, even a bit, he would grab us tightly, scream in our faces, and spank us with the leather belt. When he yelled at us he would get blood red in the face and wore this look of pure hatred, like he wanted to kill us. He and my mom had my sister when they were still teenagers, they weren't even remotely ready for kids. Yet even though it was their foolish choices that brought us into this world, we were often made to feel like it was our fault for existing. When he spanked us, he would make us stand against the edge of his bed and spank us nearly as hard as he could, he even struggles with occasional shoulder pain now in his fifties. I remember a few times where my older brother and sister got whelps on their backs, so they would proceed to beat me because they thought I didn't get it as bad as them. I'm the youngest so they always thought I got babied, but in truth my whole family (father, mother, and two older siblings) would basically take turns treating me like shit because I was too little to really fight back. I guess I can somewhat give my mom a pass, since she was more neglectful than outright abusive.
My father was always very controlling as well. He always told me exactly how to act or what to say, and always pushed me to go to college and get a desk job, and any deviation or resistance to his plans lead to more punishment, more screaming, more spanking. He would always treat me like an idiot, but never bothered to teach me anything. He never encouraged me to find things I loved in life, instead he would tell me what I should enjoy, what I should believe, or what I should value. He would even scream at me to spend time with him, like he couldn't stand the fact that his kids didn't want to be near him. My sister and brother ran away from home multiple times and got into all kinds of trouble, but I was always so timid and fearful that the only thing I could ever really do to escape it all was hide in my room and play video games. I spent my entire childhood in fear and misery, and the only action I could take to revolt against my dad was inaction, simply not doing what he wanted. I could go on about all the shit he and the rest of my family did, but I don't want to stretch this into too many posts.
At any rate, I'm now 31 years old, I still live at home because never really did anything with my life and I never learned how to be on my own. Even now, when I start to explore an interest or potential career, my dad will still shoot me down and push me towards college and a dull desk job. If I start to push back even a little, he screams at me and threatens to kick me out. The only thing that has really changed for me since childhood is that my siblings have both moved out, and I'm too big for my dad to spank. He denied me a healthy childhood, took any chance I had at a decent life, and accepts none of the blame for his actions. I've basically given up on this life, I just work shitty dead-end jobs and play video games when I'm at home. I'm probably going to kill myself soon, seeing as I have no future and no hope.
My father was always very controlling as well. He always told me exactly how to act or what to say, and always pushed me to go to college and get a desk job, and any deviation or resistance to his plans lead to more punishment, more screaming, more spanking. He would always treat me like an idiot, but never bothered to teach me anything. He never encouraged me to find things I loved in life, instead he would tell me what I should enjoy, what I should believe, or what I should value. He would even scream at me to spend time with him, like he couldn't stand the fact that his kids didn't want to be near him. My sister and brother ran away from home multiple times and got into all kinds of trouble, but I was always so timid and fearful that the only thing I could ever really do to escape it all was hide in my room and play video games. I spent my entire childhood in fear and misery, and the only action I could take to revolt against my dad was inaction, simply not doing what he wanted. I could go on about all the shit he and the rest of my family did, but I don't want to stretch this into too many posts.
At any rate, I'm now 31 years old, I still live at home because never really did anything with my life and I never learned how to be on my own. Even now, when I start to explore an interest or potential career, my dad will still shoot me down and push me towards college and a dull desk job. If I start to push back even a little, he screams at me and threatens to kick me out. The only thing that has really changed for me since childhood is that my siblings have both moved out, and I'm too big for my dad to spank. He denied me a healthy childhood, took any chance I had at a decent life, and accepts none of the blame for his actions. I've basically given up on this life, I just work shitty dead-end jobs and play video games when I'm at home. I'm probably going to kill myself soon, seeing as I have no future and no hope.
>>282923
Mathematical talent can be innate, but how long it takes to do a problem gives no info on your intelligence. Everyone will come into the problem with different pre-existing knowledge, and your reaction to one particular problem is simply highly variable. You may have ineffective learning methods, too. People who had a good teacher or mentor at some point can easily be given a massive advantage that eclipses 'innate intelligence' or disguises it.
Math is the field in which it is most common that people are desperate to prove to themselves and others that they are smart. It's full of people who make it their whole identity to cope with being retarded in other ways e.g. social, because they need some way to support their ego. It follows that people tend to brag and exaggerate about how they solved problems.
Mathematical talent can be innate, but how long it takes to do a problem gives no info on your intelligence. Everyone will come into the problem with different pre-existing knowledge, and your reaction to one particular problem is simply highly variable. You may have ineffective learning methods, too. People who had a good teacher or mentor at some point can easily be given a massive advantage that eclipses 'innate intelligence' or disguises it.
Math is the field in which it is most common that people are desperate to prove to themselves and others that they are smart. It's full of people who make it their whole identity to cope with being retarded in other ways e.g. social, because they need some way to support their ego. It follows that people tend to brag and exaggerate about how they solved problems.
I swear my mother just loves to hoard more and more furniture and appliances that she never uses (we have like seven or eight ovens and like seven television sets) and various useless little trinkets, decorations, and ornaments just so that she has more stuff to clean and complain to me about how much work she has to do and how lazy I am.
If it were up to me; I'd own a small TV on the floor instead of on top of this huge, bulky, wooden TV stand that's even bigger than the TV itself and serves no practical use and surrounded by various other cumbersome wooden furniture that also serves no real purpose. I'd probably have one couch that also functions as a bed. She has three couches. One couch is electrical and opens up to allow you to stretch your feet out but she doesn't want me to plug it in and use it like that. She has a dining table that can only fit six chairs but there's ten dining chairs. We get no visitors. It's just me, my mother, and our pet chihuahua.
If it were up to me; I'd own a small TV on the floor instead of on top of this huge, bulky, wooden TV stand that's even bigger than the TV itself and serves no practical use and surrounded by various other cumbersome wooden furniture that also serves no real purpose. I'd probably have one couch that also functions as a bed. She has three couches. One couch is electrical and opens up to allow you to stretch your feet out but she doesn't want me to plug it in and use it like that. She has a dining table that can only fit six chairs but there's ten dining chairs. We get no visitors. It's just me, my mother, and our pet chihuahua.
>>282956
It's not even that people are smarter than me or not (Though to pretend all those people who brag have some kind of prior advantage is a comforting falsehood. Some are just way better at math innately)
It's that I can't enjoy math because I'm so shit at it. I want to enjoy things but I find myself walled by the same intellectual barriers. You can't deny that things are more enjoyable the better you are, and the more potential you have. Like I said, what's the point if you aren't good?
It's not even that people are smarter than me or not (Though to pretend all those people who brag have some kind of prior advantage is a comforting falsehood. Some are just way better at math innately)
It's that I can't enjoy math because I'm so shit at it. I want to enjoy things but I find myself walled by the same intellectual barriers. You can't deny that things are more enjoyable the better you are, and the more potential you have. Like I said, what's the point if you aren't good?
>>282960
There is only one way to enjoy something, do it without checking what others are doing.
I'm trying to learn music now and I have absolutely no musical talent. Do you think I'm going to watch a chinese kid play a sonata ?
Of course, not. I don't care about that kid, I care about myself alone.
So much time was lost watching at what others are doing good, instead of me doing it even it's a half assed attempt.
There is only one way to enjoy something, do it without checking what others are doing.
I'm trying to learn music now and I have absolutely no musical talent. Do you think I'm going to watch a chinese kid play a sonata ?
Of course, not. I don't care about that kid, I care about myself alone.
So much time was lost watching at what others are doing good, instead of me doing it even it's a half assed attempt.
I don't think anyone really wants to talk with me. They may claim they do, but they don't really.
>>282969
if you were building your own house and saw other people building it faster you'd question why you are building it yourself anyway it's natural to compare yourself to others and it's not like you're able to turn it off even if you try your best to ignore it
if you were building your own house and saw other people building it faster you'd question why you are building it yourself anyway it's natural to compare yourself to others and it's not like you're able to turn it off even if you try your best to ignore it
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im welfare parasite from Finland, have been living like this for over 10+ years because of mental health papers… hello fellow brits and whatnot
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I remember how back in 2005 or 2006; my high school English Expo/Comp teacher told me, "you hate everybody," and I just gave him this look like, "where did you get that idea?" Back then; I noticed that being a misanthrope was interpreted as being almost as offensive as being a racist–and people would comment that I was just going through a "phase" and/or they would assume that I considered myself "superior" to others. I don't think that I truly hated anybody when I was 16 or 17. Back then; I just wanted to be left alone. Nor did I truly hate anybody when I was 24 or 25. I probably hated more when I was 12 or 13.
Now that I'm 34 years old, however; I'm gonna' have to say that… yeah. I actually really do hate people. I don't consider myself superior to anyone, nor do I consider myself inferior to anyone. Just someone too alien to be around others.
My 12-year-old self was probably laying dormant somewhere in there this whole time.
Now that I'm 34 years old, however; I'm gonna' have to say that… yeah. I actually really do hate people. I don't consider myself superior to anyone, nor do I consider myself inferior to anyone. Just someone too alien to be around others.
My 12-year-old self was probably laying dormant somewhere in there this whole time.
>>283027
I went through a phase like that around middle school. i had some kooky biological theories that i was superior because i had more "white blood cells". The soldiers of the body. And people misinterpreted that as bragging about white race blood.
And yeah exactly like you, I now feel that I was more right then, than when I tried to reconcile with humanity. I might not be superior, in fact I'm definitely vastly inferior. But I'm definitely alien and different. Not a superior species, but a different one.
I went through a phase like that around middle school. i had some kooky biological theories that i was superior because i had more "white blood cells". The soldiers of the body. And people misinterpreted that as bragging about white race blood.
And yeah exactly like you, I now feel that I was more right then, than when I tried to reconcile with humanity. I might not be superior, in fact I'm definitely vastly inferior. But I'm definitely alien and different. Not a superior species, but a different one.
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I vividly remember an activity I did in school when I was around 6-7 years old. Everyone in the class had to draw their "Dream Job," and we had to share what we drew.
I was stuck. I had no idea what I wanted to do, and I was becoming more upset as time went on. We had 2 minutes left, and as far as I know, I was one of the only ones left unfinished. So I did what I do best, and copied my friend who sat across from me. I copied the drawing and left out the words. I finished a few seconds before the teacher gathered us for sharing.
Worst came to worst, and he ended up sharing right before me, so I had to suffer the embarrassment of presenting my stolen work. I remember exactly how I presented it: I lifted it up, cracked a nervous smile, and shakily said "I want to be a gamer too." Unlike everyone else, I received no praise from the class. My teacher asked, "Why did you copy him?" I didn't reply. I couldn't reply. I almost cried. I just put my head down and "shut off."
I have been directionless for, truly, as long as I can remember.
I was stuck. I had no idea what I wanted to do, and I was becoming more upset as time went on. We had 2 minutes left, and as far as I know, I was one of the only ones left unfinished. So I did what I do best, and copied my friend who sat across from me. I copied the drawing and left out the words. I finished a few seconds before the teacher gathered us for sharing.
Worst came to worst, and he ended up sharing right before me, so I had to suffer the embarrassment of presenting my stolen work. I remember exactly how I presented it: I lifted it up, cracked a nervous smile, and shakily said "I want to be a gamer too." Unlike everyone else, I received no praise from the class. My teacher asked, "Why did you copy him?" I didn't reply. I couldn't reply. I almost cried. I just put my head down and "shut off."
I have been directionless for, truly, as long as I can remember.
>>282969
>There is only one way to enjoy something, do it without checking what others are doing.
With all due disrespect anon, Human activity does not work like that. We don't make art for ourselves, for example. We make it to please others, or as a social interaction. Perhaps you are the living statue given spirit and you need nothing but food and sunlight to be content, but for creatives we need that give and return.
And for math, science, engineering and the like - How do you expect anyone to enjoy it if progress goes slow enough to be aggravating? These people who say "Just don't compare yourself to others!" must be Bodhisattvas to claim you can live satisfied as an Island only painting portraits of yourself, for yourself, forever.
>There is only one way to enjoy something, do it without checking what others are doing.
With all due disrespect anon, Human activity does not work like that. We don't make art for ourselves, for example. We make it to please others, or as a social interaction. Perhaps you are the living statue given spirit and you need nothing but food and sunlight to be content, but for creatives we need that give and return.
And for math, science, engineering and the like - How do you expect anyone to enjoy it if progress goes slow enough to be aggravating? These people who say "Just don't compare yourself to others!" must be Bodhisattvas to claim you can live satisfied as an Island only painting portraits of yourself, for yourself, forever.
♬So no one told you life was going to be this way♬
♬Your job's a joke, you're broke, you're love life's DOA♬
♬It's like you're always stuck in second gear♬
♬When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, your year, or even your decade♬
♬Your job's a joke, you're broke, you're love life's DOA♬
♬It's like you're always stuck in second gear♬
♬When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, your year, or even your decade♬
>>283041
>We don't make art for ourselves, for example. We make it to please others, or as a social interaction.
Incorrect. While it is wrong to ignore the external environment, the creative impulse is internal first. Because it is an impulse. It is something we are compelled to do. I am compelled to express myself in text, not for internet-stickers or to know of your judgment of my thoughts. Simply compelled.
Artists that care about reception are often seeking validation firstly as a means to get paid for their work. And only second as an extra bit of motivation and third party insight. But they wouldn't even be artists to begin with if it weren't for the initial compulsion.
Progress is relative, ability is relative. These are not major factors. Seek the suppressed compulsions behind the now thick fabric of habit and fear.
>We don't make art for ourselves, for example. We make it to please others, or as a social interaction.
Incorrect. While it is wrong to ignore the external environment, the creative impulse is internal first. Because it is an impulse. It is something we are compelled to do. I am compelled to express myself in text, not for internet-stickers or to know of your judgment of my thoughts. Simply compelled.
Artists that care about reception are often seeking validation firstly as a means to get paid for their work. And only second as an extra bit of motivation and third party insight. But they wouldn't even be artists to begin with if it weren't for the initial compulsion.
Progress is relative, ability is relative. These are not major factors. Seek the suppressed compulsions behind the now thick fabric of habit and fear.
>>283041
>everything you do is for US!
>no no you don't understand, you aren't actually capable of creative, original thought
>nooo stop, no, you don't understand
I reject this crap. Reductionist normie.
>everything you do is for US!
>no no you don't understand, you aren't actually capable of creative, original thought
>nooo stop, no, you don't understand
I reject this crap. Reductionist normie.
More messages to my childhood self from my 34-year-old self:
You know how when you got really into Caesar III and other city-building simulation games back in middle school and a kid would come up to you and ask what you're into? And you'd tell him about Caesar III and what it's about and he'd just interrupt you and respond with, "WOW that sounds gay." And he would never talk to you again?
Adults pull that shit too.
You know how when you got really into Caesar III and other city-building simulation games back in middle school and a kid would come up to you and ask what you're into? And you'd tell him about Caesar III and what it's about and he'd just interrupt you and respond with, "WOW that sounds gay." And he would never talk to you again?
Adults pull that shit too.
>>283063
I mean its cooler than I ever could have imagined. HOI4 being so high in the Steam charts.
normies have more patience to autistically manage every tank production on spreadsheets than i as a history buff do
I mean its cooler than I ever could have imagined. HOI4 being so high in the Steam charts.
normies have more patience to autistically manage every tank production on spreadsheets than i as a history buff do
>>283055
the fuck are you even saying?
So many replies I read feel like they have nothing to do with what the poster said. You could copy and paste so many posts into other conversations and they'd make just as much sense.
the fuck are you even saying?
So many replies I read feel like they have nothing to do with what the poster said. You could copy and paste so many posts into other conversations and they'd make just as much sense.
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How don't more people on imageboards want to talk about their feelings? Most conversations are so surface level and when I try to talk about mine I get ignored and if I try to ask someone to describe theirs I get ignored too. It makes me feel so isolated.
>>283085
Whites and Asians aren't the main demographic of imageboards anymore and they are the only races capable of empathy. Brown turds have low IQ and think sharing your feelings is a sign of weakness and you inviting them to shit on you.
Whites and Asians aren't the main demographic of imageboards anymore and they are the only races capable of empathy. Brown turds have low IQ and think sharing your feelings is a sign of weakness and you inviting them to shit on you.
>>283087
i find it hard to believe blacks, muslims, brazilians are the majority on 4chan
oops I forgot Indians, there are a lot of them, and under Modhi they hate Muslims and they hate socialists, and they have this whole MSM hates Hindu thing like the Christian persecution complex. So they fit right in. Vivek!
oh right you said Asian. But racially Asians and Indians have nothing in common. Indians look a lot more like Persians than Asian.
i find it hard to believe blacks, muslims, brazilians are the majority on 4chan
oops I forgot Indians, there are a lot of them, and under Modhi they hate Muslims and they hate socialists, and they have this whole MSM hates Hindu thing like the Christian persecution complex. So they fit right in. Vivek!
oh right you said Asian. But racially Asians and Indians have nothing in common. Indians look a lot more like Persians than Asian.
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Now that I'm here on Wizchan rn I noticed something reaaaaally fucked up beyond repair which I cannot ignore and now plagues me in convoluted ways:
I MISSED Inktober this year!!!
I MISSED Inktober this year!!!
>>283092
The main internet demographic is now Hispanics and Pajeets. Go to any YouTube video that's older than 3 years old and you will only see latin or hindu text as top comments. They used to consume what was popular in the West decades ago but that has changed to being behind only a few years on current media now.
The main internet demographic is now Hispanics and Pajeets. Go to any YouTube video that's older than 3 years old and you will only see latin or hindu text as top comments. They used to consume what was popular in the West decades ago but that has changed to being behind only a few years on current media now.
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Losing control more now. Put my foot down in the car to drive in to a wall, stopped but still damaged my car. Hitting mid 30s and I guess I will be an out of control suicide, random spur of the moment violence. Waiting for so long thinking it would be a quiet suicide in a forest somewhere when my mum died, looks like I’m just going to lose it one day and do it soon instead. Oh well.
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>>282200
Should I care about anything at this point? I've been so desensitized by the internet and watching gore that I don't feel anything anymore. I'm fucked aren't I?
Should I care about anything at this point? I've been so desensitized by the internet and watching gore that I don't feel anything anymore. I'm fucked aren't I?
>>283092
I didn't realize this until last year and it explained a lot of the low effort and shitposting that has worsened imageboards, why would imageboards be exempt from demographic subversion like real life. It was funny and smug as hell when clicking that and called them out for being ESL turds or monolingual mutts and receiving radio silence afterwards. One time a Christian was displaying massive amounts of asshurt losing an argument to LARPagans, and seeing this steadfast fanaticism and irrationality I called them out on being female stating my reasons as to why they were and they too went radio silent and meekly accepted defeat. Being able to dead-on call people out on who they are with no other knowledge about them is so fucking satisfying.
I didn't realize this until last year and it explained a lot of the low effort and shitposting that has worsened imageboards, why would imageboards be exempt from demographic subversion like real life. It was funny and smug as hell when clicking that and called them out for being ESL turds or monolingual mutts and receiving radio silence afterwards. One time a Christian was displaying massive amounts of asshurt losing an argument to LARPagans, and seeing this steadfast fanaticism and irrationality I called them out on being female stating my reasons as to why they were and they too went radio silent and meekly accepted defeat. Being able to dead-on call people out on who they are with no other knowledge about them is so fucking satisfying.
Why the fuck is it so hard not to spend money?
I don't even buy things I use, all I do is
>buy coffee from coffee shops
>buy takeaway sushi
>Buy whiskey
I don't even have vices like weed or cigarettes like other normies, but I seem to waste more money than them. I'll legit waste $60 US a week on nothing but lunches and coffees.
I don't even buy things I use, all I do is
>buy coffee from coffee shops
>buy takeaway sushi
>Buy whiskey
I don't even have vices like weed or cigarettes like other normies, but I seem to waste more money than them. I'll legit waste $60 US a week on nothing but lunches and coffees.
>>283119
Do you buy coffee because you like the taste or the energy boost? If you just want an energy boost–buying like 80 caffeine tablets every one or two months and taking one tablet every morning should do the trick. Cheaper than coffee.
Do you buy coffee because you like the taste or the energy boost? If you just want an energy boost–buying like 80 caffeine tablets every one or two months and taking one tablet every morning should do the trick. Cheaper than coffee.
>>283123
Neither, it's a comfort thing where if it's a lunch break I HAVE to go and waste money, even if I pack my own lunch.
While I'm NEETing I could only get motivated to go for walks if I could get a coffee from the gas station.
Neither, it's a comfort thing where if it's a lunch break I HAVE to go and waste money, even if I pack my own lunch.
While I'm NEETing I could only get motivated to go for walks if I could get a coffee from the gas station.
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Does anyone else get entertained by thoughts?
Whenever I have nothing better to do, I like lying in bed just thinking about good things that happened in the past. Sometimes it feels like a dream.
Whenever I have nothing better to do, I like lying in bed just thinking about good things that happened in the past. Sometimes it feels like a dream.
>>283141
I do sometimes but I mostly focus on things that could have been. I just imagine myself rich living the best possible life I could have lived until I feel like a loser for not being that. Leading me to stop.
I do sometimes but I mostly focus on things that could have been. I just imagine myself rich living the best possible life I could have lived until I feel like a loser for not being that. Leading me to stop.
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I've reached the stage where it's becoming difficult for me to physically speak.
I'll remain silent and observe.
I'll remain silent and observe.
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>>282766
>objectively the meaning of human life is to create more humans
Evolutionary anthropomorphism and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race.
>objectively the meaning of human life is to create more humans
Evolutionary anthropomorphism and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race.
>>283157
The problem is that some time you'll have to stay awake. Wish I could sleep forever.
The problem is that some time you'll have to stay awake. Wish I could sleep forever.
>>283157
If I stay awake long enough I hear voices. Well, I think it's a different voice than my own. It usually tells me I'm messing up my life and it gives me advice. I just ignore it
If I stay awake long enough I hear voices. Well, I think it's a different voice than my own. It usually tells me I'm messing up my life and it gives me advice. I just ignore it
>>283156
It's just true.
A way to clone yourself and replace everyone Earth with your clones would be a superior, objectively only goal.
Life is just paperclip maximizing.
It's just true.
A way to clone yourself and replace everyone Earth with your clones would be a superior, objectively only goal.
Life is just paperclip maximizing.
Just another one of those days.
Wake up, stay in bed the whole day, wait for dinner and maybe wait for the new episode of Ahsoka out of some misguided sense of obligation to keep up with everything related to live action Star Wars as if anyone actually cares.
Wake up, stay in bed the whole day, wait for dinner and maybe wait for the new episode of Ahsoka out of some misguided sense of obligation to keep up with everything related to live action Star Wars as if anyone actually cares.
Just keep walking forward, you've done for it years already. You need to cross that finish line, you'll smile on this moment as you have remembered past ones where it all felt like absolute shit. It doesn't matter, none of it does. Keep going, this reality is like Hell. Maybe once you felt heaven in your previous lives, and now you gaze upon the seventh hell. Keep going.
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SADs and other circumstances in my life (work, being alone, nothing ever working out) has destroyed my mentals in what was an overall positive summer. I hate living in northern europe.
How many wizzies attending college/uni right now? I'm in and I'm struggling pretty hard even after getting up very early in the morning just to study. Failing two or three classes at this point.
>>283181
What did you go to university for specifically? What reasoning made you go at all?
What did you go to university for specifically? What reasoning made you go at all?
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>>283155
good
good
>>283178
Why do you hate living in northern europe ?
I thought folks lead a "good" life up there. Ofc, good is always relative but you get my point.
Why do you hate living in northern europe ?
I thought folks lead a "good" life up there. Ofc, good is always relative but you get my point.
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I am like 99.9999999999% certain that the Universe has it out for me and a few million other people.
Like, some real fucked up shit is about to go down.
Like, some real fucked up shit is about to go down.
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ah yes, my mind is melting again
i always think i somehow beat it this time
i never do
i never do
i always think i somehow beat it this time
i never do
i never do
>>283156
It's true sadly, every living being simply exist because they reproduce or made copies of each other. Nothing else matters but to make copies of yourself for the next generation to live in this godforsaken universe. At least theres cool stuff like video games and the such.
It's true sadly, every living being simply exist because they reproduce or made copies of each other. Nothing else matters but to make copies of yourself for the next generation to live in this godforsaken universe. At least theres cool stuff like video games and the such.
>>282923
I agree completely and I struggle with the same things. It was all genetic from the get go.
I agree completely and I struggle with the same things. It was all genetic from the get go.
>>283086
It looks like he's trying the hardest he possibly can when it comes to math. What exactly does he need to work on? He just pointed out that mathematical talent is innate and that he doesn't quite have it like others do.
It looks like he's trying the hardest he possibly can when it comes to math. What exactly does he need to work on? He just pointed out that mathematical talent is innate and that he doesn't quite have it like others do.
I looked up the two people who were nice to me when I went to live at university, I experienced a lot of hostility from people and these people were really nice and became my friends. The first time in my life I had people who I spent time with. They called in the year after university to see how I was, but I cut off contact in my early 20s really because I had nothing to say.
They've both got the jobs they want, one a high paying car salesman like he said, and the other works setting up stages for bands all across the world. I'm happy for them. It's been a bit past a decade since I spoke to them, and I've still got nothing to say. I'm happy when people in my life actually got the good ending, I sometimes see this semi-retarded kid people used to bully in my home town and I hope he's happy.
They've both got the jobs they want, one a high paying car salesman like he said, and the other works setting up stages for bands all across the world. I'm happy for them. It's been a bit past a decade since I spoke to them, and I've still got nothing to say. I'm happy when people in my life actually got the good ending, I sometimes see this semi-retarded kid people used to bully in my home town and I hope he's happy.
>>283215
>I sometimes see this semi-retarded kid people used to bully in my home town and I hope he's happy
Well, are you?
>I sometimes see this semi-retarded kid people used to bully in my home town and I hope he's happy
Well, are you?
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I hate how spineless and weak I am.
And then the fact that I whine about it instead of working on it makes me hate myself more.
It's a vicious cycle.
And then the fact that I whine about it instead of working on it makes me hate myself more.
It's a vicious cycle.
I feel that extended loneliness has a deleterious effect on the mind.
My memory is deteriorating and my sharpness has dulled.
It's difficult and exhausting to focus.
Maybe it's just ageing, i'm 1 year off the 30 mark.
My memory is deteriorating and my sharpness has dulled.
It's difficult and exhausting to focus.
Maybe it's just ageing, i'm 1 year off the 30 mark.
>find a thing you genuinely consider one of the best things you have ever encountered in the field
>enjoy it to the fullest
>try to find another such thing
>realize it doesn't exist
>get dismoraled
>the thing is not good anymore because there isn't second such thing
>depression
>suicide
is this pattern common? does it have an explanation?
>enjoy it to the fullest
>try to find another such thing
>realize it doesn't exist
>get dismoraled
>the thing is not good anymore because there isn't second such thing
>depression
>suicide
is this pattern common? does it have an explanation?
>>283221
If you drink milk everyday, fist glass is wonderful. Tenth glass is ok, 50th glass doesn't taste good anymore.
The subject has developed resistance to the pleasure given by the repetitive action.
It's also the same process behind learning.
If this mechanism wasn't implemented in us, you would be stuck in a loop doing the same thing over and over and over.
If you drink milk everyday, fist glass is wonderful. Tenth glass is ok, 50th glass doesn't taste good anymore.
The subject has developed resistance to the pleasure given by the repetitive action.
It's also the same process behind learning.
If this mechanism wasn't implemented in us, you would be stuck in a loop doing the same thing over and over and over.
>>283221
If you drink milk everyday, fist glass is wonderful. Tenth glass is ok, 50th glass doesn't taste good anymore.
The subject has developed resistance to the pleasure given by the repetitive action.
It's also the same process behind learning.
If this mechanism wasn't implemented in us, you would be stuck in a loop doing the same thing over and over and over.
If you drink milk everyday, fist glass is wonderful. Tenth glass is ok, 50th glass doesn't taste good anymore.
The subject has developed resistance to the pleasure given by the repetitive action.
It's also the same process behind learning.
If this mechanism wasn't implemented in us, you would be stuck in a loop doing the same thing over and over and over.
>>283220
No, you have severe mental issues. You don't have a gland in your body that produces brain damaging chemicals if you haven't interacted with a person in x amount of hours.
No, you have severe mental issues. You don't have a gland in your body that produces brain damaging chemicals if you haven't interacted with a person in x amount of hours.
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Sorry.
I don't know what I'm supposed to say. Sorry.
I don't know what I'm supposed to say. Sorry.
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I consider the day that I dropped out of high school (Tuesday, April 25th, 2006) to have been the day that I became an adult… 7 months before I turned 18. I was treated more like an adult at the age of 17 than when I was 18, and pretty much every other year after that. I felt more like an adult at 17 than I do now at 34.
>>283243
I think we're around the same age, I'm Nov 1988.
i had my life more together in 2006. i was driving on my own. now i always need my mom riding shotgun when i drive.
I think we're around the same age, I'm Nov 1988.
i had my life more together in 2006. i was driving on my own. now i always need my mom riding shotgun when i drive.
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What's the point of it all?
>>283266
Don't know but I got tricked by a succubus yday and it's made me question why I'm still alive at this point. It's just a nice decline into mental illness from here on out.
Don't know but I got tricked by a succubus yday and it's made me question why I'm still alive at this point. It's just a nice decline into mental illness from here on out.
>>283266
To spread our genes throughout the universe, honestly the discovery of other galaxies and stars waiting to be conquered by us seems a little motivating nonetheless.
To spread our genes throughout the universe, honestly the discovery of other galaxies and stars waiting to be conquered by us seems a little motivating nonetheless.
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>be 13 years old
>be miserable
>"you're just a kid. What do you have to be miserable about? You don't have to pay the bills or really do anything."
>be 26 years old
>still be miserable
>"you're a grown-ass man. Nobody feels sorry for you."
>years later
>be 34 years old
>still be miserable
Fuck. It's all coming back to me.
>be miserable
>"you're just a kid. What do you have to be miserable about? You don't have to pay the bills or really do anything."
>be 26 years old
>still be miserable
>"you're a grown-ass man. Nobody feels sorry for you."
>years later
>be 34 years old
>still be miserable
Fuck. It's all coming back to me.
>>283272
didnt used 2 be so bad
but time is always against us
the crab multiplies
( like succubi do, with their vaginas )
oh god i got the succubus virus
didnt used 2 be so bad
but time is always against us
the crab multiplies
( like succubi do, with their vaginas )
oh god i got the succubus virus
>>283266
cucks will tell you it's to watch the latest disney and netflix garbage, cartoon, and anime, and play the latest videogame and consume until you die. You already know the answer
cucks will tell you it's to watch the latest disney and netflix garbage, cartoon, and anime, and play the latest videogame and consume until you die. You already know the answer
>>283284
i'm fucking tired of caring about these people who shit on my life all the time, fuck them, what do they do for you except make your life worse? Fucking parasites.
i'm fucking tired of caring about these people who shit on my life all the time, fuck them, what do they do for you except make your life worse? Fucking parasites.
>>283287
Why are you crabs obsessed with cuckoldry?
Do you realize you're basing your worth on the faithfulness of succubi?
Why are you crabs obsessed with cuckoldry?
Do you realize you're basing your worth on the faithfulness of succubi?
>>283285
surely there must be a way to prevent crabs and normies from invading a community.
surely there must be a way to prevent crabs and normies from invading a community.
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>>283266
1. average intelligence at best so too dumb to come up with a new genius way to solve an issue to advance science or technology
2. lacking passion and will to put in an extraordinary amount of effort into something more than others leading to amazing achivements
3. no people skills to get on the good side of people and benefit from the combined skills of more talented and smart people
4. unattractive so can't just coast on looks
5. too high self-awareness, neuroticism and desire for self-actualization to just be a happy mindless worker
I just can't find a place to fit in. They say everyone has a talent but that sounds like wishful thinking.
1. average intelligence at best so too dumb to come up with a new genius way to solve an issue to advance science or technology
2. lacking passion and will to put in an extraordinary amount of effort into something more than others leading to amazing achivements
3. no people skills to get on the good side of people and benefit from the combined skills of more talented and smart people
4. unattractive so can't just coast on looks
5. too high self-awareness, neuroticism and desire for self-actualization to just be a happy mindless worker
I just can't find a place to fit in. They say everyone has a talent but that sounds like wishful thinking.
Everything is so fucking expensive, rent , groceries/food and everything else, I don’t know how people manages to afford everything, and expensive cars and IPhones on top of it too.
Is everyone else except me a secret billionaire? Because it feels like life is one massive scam yet people are mostly ok
Is everyone else except me a secret billionaire? Because it feels like life is one massive scam yet people are mostly ok
>>283300
There are only two paths. The first is savings, if you earn 1000 USD per month, and spend 700, you save the other 300, and in two years you buy a car, in 3 months you buy an expensive phone, and so on. What most mortals do is pay for everything in payments of several months, cars, houses, technology, all paid with debt and interest.
There are only two paths. The first is savings, if you earn 1000 USD per month, and spend 700, you save the other 300, and in two years you buy a car, in 3 months you buy an expensive phone, and so on. What most mortals do is pay for everything in payments of several months, cars, houses, technology, all paid with debt and interest.
>>283272
dont know why i bother posting that if i just see seething of stating facts. fine in truth theres no point and you will never be satisfied and will die alone? happy?
dont know why i bother posting that if i just see seething of stating facts. fine in truth theres no point and you will never be satisfied and will die alone? happy?
Shit. More time has passed since I turned 18 years old than the amount of time in between the Northridge earthquake and my 18th birthday. The Northridge earthquake feels significant to me because it's a well-documented event that affected a lot of people and it's one that I have some of my earliest memories of, so I know the exact date of one of my earliest memories (I have a vague recollection of my first day in kindergarten a few months before the Northridge earthquake but I don't know the exact date of my first day).
Shit. That's almost like an entire lifetime right there in a way from 1994 to 2006, I mean, because, I sort of expected to be dead by the time I turned 18. Now that I'm 34; I've begun to notice that even my early adulthood memories feel so distant that they often times don't really feel as if they were of me–even though my personality and thought-processes haven't changed all that much since I was, like, 14 years old.
Shit. That's almost like an entire lifetime right there in a way from 1994 to 2006, I mean, because, I sort of expected to be dead by the time I turned 18. Now that I'm 34; I've begun to notice that even my early adulthood memories feel so distant that they often times don't really feel as if they were of me–even though my personality and thought-processes haven't changed all that much since I was, like, 14 years old.
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>>282923
Is a coding problem? If so, they just spend 1 hour trying to solve, if unable, they look the answer and try to fit that technique in a similar problem. Everything is like this, everyone is just trying all the tools in the box until something works. That said, High IQ is not that much difference, and if they are bragging mostly they just know a tricky you don't. Now read this Feynman story:
https://www.ecb.torontomu.ca/~elf/abacus/feynman.html
Is a coding problem? If so, they just spend 1 hour trying to solve, if unable, they look the answer and try to fit that technique in a similar problem. Everything is like this, everyone is just trying all the tools in the box until something works. That said, High IQ is not that much difference, and if they are bragging mostly they just know a tricky you don't. Now read this Feynman story:
https://www.ecb.torontomu.ca/~elf/abacus/feynman.html
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