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Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
Previous: >>286038
Previous: >>286038
wizards please teach me where to find pictures of depressed wizards. using search engines makes me cringe i feel like a little kid. i need a solid place for the purpose! please!
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>>286908
Sorry, but AI might be the only hope unless you're willing to scour manga and children's illustrated books.
Sorry, but AI might be the only hope unless you're willing to scour manga and children's illustrated books.
Does any one know this YouTube video, there is a narrator, I remember at some he says you will also one day die. Basically talking about how everybody dies one day. I think it has a yellow sepia quality to it.
𝅗𝅥 𝅘𝅥 𝅘𝅥𝅮ONE WEEK BEFORE CHRISTMAS GOOGLE ALREADY GAVE ME 𝅘𝅥𝅯 𝅘𝅥𝅰 𝅘𝅥𝅱
A RESET DUOLINGO STREAK - -.
A RESET DUOLINGO STREAK - -.
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I am going to die so I want to leave a record that I existed. I like to think maybe an angel will read this and help me.
I just like math and drawing. Nothing else matters to me. I want to spend a lot of time with the two things but my life sucks. I never had any control over my own life until it was too late. I wish I had a chance to grow and be myself like everyone else. I just wish I could have spent my youth doing the things I enjoy like any normal person. I just like math and drawing. I can`t explain why I like these things so much, it`s so important to me, I can`t explain why, it`s very embarrassing and private, all I can say is that I love math and drawing, and my only wish is to spend a lot of time with the two things.
In 2024 I`ll try doing things. I think I`m hopeless, it`s over, there`s no point, I`ll be crushed, but I really love math and drawing, so I`ll try despite the odds. So I`ll try to stop making dumb posts. There`s something I want to say because I think I`ll fail, but I just don`t know the right words, I think something went wrong and that it could have been very different, and I could have been very happy and free, like I didn`t live my own life. I just like math and drawing, nothing else matters, I just want to spend a lot of time with the two things. I will do what I think I should, even if I`m alone, hopeless and destined to fail. I don`t want to die without spending at least several decades entirely dedicated to at least one of math and drawing.
I just like math and drawing. Nothing else matters to me. I want to spend a lot of time with the two things but my life sucks. I never had any control over my own life until it was too late. I wish I had a chance to grow and be myself like everyone else. I just wish I could have spent my youth doing the things I enjoy like any normal person. I just like math and drawing. I can`t explain why I like these things so much, it`s so important to me, I can`t explain why, it`s very embarrassing and private, all I can say is that I love math and drawing, and my only wish is to spend a lot of time with the two things.
In 2024 I`ll try doing things. I think I`m hopeless, it`s over, there`s no point, I`ll be crushed, but I really love math and drawing, so I`ll try despite the odds. So I`ll try to stop making dumb posts. There`s something I want to say because I think I`ll fail, but I just don`t know the right words, I think something went wrong and that it could have been very different, and I could have been very happy and free, like I didn`t live my own life. I just like math and drawing, nothing else matters, I just want to spend a lot of time with the two things. I will do what I think I should, even if I`m alone, hopeless and destined to fail. I don`t want to die without spending at least several decades entirely dedicated to at least one of math and drawing.
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Why am I so slow in the brain?
Only now, with 32, I realized a gigantic error in my thinking. I didn't work towards anything because I lacked a clear goal. But instead what I should have done is work so I can be prepared. Because now I do have a goal but I lack the skills to work towards it which might delay the reaching of the goal to a point where it might not be possible anymore as I have to start from 0 to acquire the skills.
Only now, with 32, I realized a gigantic error in my thinking. I didn't work towards anything because I lacked a clear goal. But instead what I should have done is work so I can be prepared. Because now I do have a goal but I lack the skills to work towards it which might delay the reaching of the goal to a point where it might not be possible anymore as I have to start from 0 to acquire the skills.
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>>286918
What if it grew on really tall trees? Wouldn't that be ironic?
What if it grew on really tall trees? Wouldn't that be ironic?
>>286919
kinda makes you wish you could climb trees instead of being little scared creature
kinda makes you wish you could climb trees instead of being little scared creature
shit. i had a moment of unbelievable clarity this morning so spend all that time immersing in hot stinky feces, but now i'm braindead again and holy shit i feel so pissed about it. all of this crap that falls on my head is more than i can possibly stomach so i can't get anything done because i am overloaded. i need to fucking kill the depression. to murder it like some vile beast that sucks off my life. i am so bitter right now who knows how this fit will end
Somewhere there's sleep without pain, ugliness, constant/big pain, possibility of being raped or severely attacked and damaged, without filth nearby, suffocating guilt of not being good enough for my waifu, without 3d imbeciles besmirching all identity, safety, and common sense by getting forever undeserved and alien. Akashic records, nobody assaults you outside as you can dissolve and block. Blackmail and stupor won't give rapists any opportunities either.
Another day with sprained ankle and smth like fibromyalgia.
Another day with sprained ankle and smth like fibromyalgia.
>>286923
In my city, a few early teenagers raped a little boy with a stick and forced him to eat shit. People blocked the road so that the police would start the case.
In my city, a few early teenagers raped a little boy with a stick and forced him to eat shit. People blocked the road so that the police would start the case.
>>286921
can i even possibly manage being this overwhelmed at all?
kinda ironic that this very second that tard is running in machine mode on aderall and is completely clueless how shit feels when your brain stops responding.
can i even possibly manage being this overwhelmed at all?
kinda ironic that this very second that tard is running in machine mode on aderall and is completely clueless how shit feels when your brain stops responding.
take away that brick from my head it was never there I DON'T WANT IT TO BE THERE FUCKING SHIT AAAAAAAAAAA
shit i have been anticipating for a good while seems to slowly start moving its gears. i am very stressed.
i thought it would be easier but appears i am very vulnerable right now and only have strength to keep myself in the saddle (and that with intermittent success, fuck!). but at the expense of literally dulling my head by continuous posting without thinking. don't even know why it's required.
funny how you can't just calm down.
didn't get a single thing done today, it's not for good. kinda understand how those desperate pajeets feel. life should be less stressing. or brain less complicated.
magic, i call unto thee. give me thou powers to rise with the rising wind and carry myself on the wings of unseen forces from deep below over to some better place.
anyway, i plan on serving magic until my last breath, so whatever happens, at least i can be at peace with myself, because my spirit stayed true to its calling. god save the magic!!!
reminded me a fortune that goes as
When all else fails, pour a pint of Guinness in the gas tank, advance
the spark 20 degrees, cry "God Save the Queen!", and pull the starter knob.
– MG "Series MGA" Workshop Manual
i thought it would be easier but appears i am very vulnerable right now and only have strength to keep myself in the saddle (and that with intermittent success, fuck!). but at the expense of literally dulling my head by continuous posting without thinking. don't even know why it's required.
funny how you can't just calm down.
didn't get a single thing done today, it's not for good. kinda understand how those desperate pajeets feel. life should be less stressing. or brain less complicated.
magic, i call unto thee. give me thou powers to rise with the rising wind and carry myself on the wings of unseen forces from deep below over to some better place.
anyway, i plan on serving magic until my last breath, so whatever happens, at least i can be at peace with myself, because my spirit stayed true to its calling. god save the magic!!!
reminded me a fortune that goes as
When all else fails, pour a pint of Guinness in the gas tank, advance
the spark 20 degrees, cry "God Save the Queen!", and pull the starter knob.
– MG "Series MGA" Workshop Manual
I hate the fact that if I described my life that the majority of the people will feel relief over not having it that bad, to them I am just some words on the screen that make them feel better about themselves for a moment and yet here I am having to experience it all from 1st person perspective.
It’s funny how the longer you go on with depression the less anyone wants anything to do with you. Nobody wants your stories of how stuff didn’t work for you, they want young people who stuff is working for to create an atmosphere for people who can be saved. Your life story isnt interesting if it’s decades of trying things, reading things, and none of it working or mattering. As you get worse people use it as evidence you never tried, no matter how the logic can be seen. The world really grinds you down to dirt and then wants you to fuck off out of awareness.
>>286949
Growing old has to be life's most humbling experience, everyone thinks they can rule the world until they get old.
Growing old has to be life's most humbling experience, everyone thinks they can rule the world until they get old.
giving things up is easy when you don't care. try doing it while you DO care. and sum that up with autistic ideations that don't appreciate you have to do something you only very rarely or never do.
>life is a privilege
and privileges are taken not given just like rights lol
just thinking aloud
and privileges are taken not given just like rights lol
just thinking aloud
>>286973
rights are not freely given either, you have to work hard to create a political system that grants them, and without continued effort that political system may break down and be replaced with one that does not grant you any rights, or perhaps just much fewer of them.
rights are not freely given either, you have to work hard to create a political system that grants them, and without continued effort that political system may break down and be replaced with one that does not grant you any rights, or perhaps just much fewer of them.
>>286977
so lets thank god for creating america hahahaha
anyway in countries like china you still have your rights except the right to question the government which is still tolerable because at least you exist in a more or less predictable environment and random psychos can't just assault your house and rape you
or maybe i'm delusional
so lets thank god for creating america hahahaha
anyway in countries like china you still have your rights except the right to question the government which is still tolerable because at least you exist in a more or less predictable environment and random psychos can't just assault your house and rape you
or maybe i'm delusional
Wind broke a window and I had to go patch it up. Now I can’t get back up , going to listen to dudes argue about video game of the year for 8 hours ( I don’t play games )
how do you find the motivation to clean your place? I've been letting it slip for ages and now it's really bad. everything is flithy and nasty, flies are everywhere and the topper is that the toilet clogged two months ago and I never got around to unclogging it but continued to use it until the pile of shit almost reaches the lid. The flies are breeding in it and opening the lid releases a swarm of them. I piss down the drain in the basement now. I know I'm going to have to scoop the shit out of the toilet at least enough for me to plunge it but even the thought makes me want to vomit. I need to soon though as I can't shit in it any more.
>>286993
I have no concept of self-respect. the filth doesn't bother me, only the flies and not being able to use the toilet properly. I haven't even been alone since my mother's death a a year yet.
I have no concept of self-respect. the filth doesn't bother me, only the flies and not being able to use the toilet properly. I haven't even been alone since my mother's death a a year yet.
>>286994
if you're not bothered by filth than chances are you will never clean up. i guess it's all either genetics or nurture. i don't mind a bit of dust but literal filth makes me feel uncomfortable for some reason so i just clean it up
if you're not bothered by filth than chances are you will never clean up. i guess it's all either genetics or nurture. i don't mind a bit of dust but literal filth makes me feel uncomfortable for some reason so i just clean it up
>>287001
I also have cats so they add to everything. The floors are marked by dried hairballs/cat vomit I never bother to clean up. I'm pretty sure they're pissing outside the litterboxes too.
I also have cats so they add to everything. The floors are marked by dried hairballs/cat vomit I never bother to clean up. I'm pretty sure they're pissing outside the litterboxes too.
>>287004
Find the smallest thing you can tackle today and go do it. Then the next easiest thing to fix tomorrow. And so on down the line until you've cleaned it all up
Find the smallest thing you can tackle today and go do it. Then the next easiest thing to fix tomorrow. And so on down the line until you've cleaned it all up
>>287007
yuck
>>287025
Just do it and get it over with you'll feel much better afterwards! Once you get started you'll be surprise how it'll make you motivated to do other chores
yuck
>>287025
Just do it and get it over with you'll feel much better afterwards! Once you get started you'll be surprise how it'll make you motivated to do other chores
>>286992
Tiny tiny actions at a time. Clean a section of the room if you can't then start even smaller like picking up a single bottle or peice of trash or just placing a cleaning brush in the room and slowly increase from there everyday. Start even smaller then that it doesn't matter how slow you move only that you move foward
Tiny tiny actions at a time. Clean a section of the room if you can't then start even smaller like picking up a single bottle or peice of trash or just placing a cleaning brush in the room and slowly increase from there everyday. Start even smaller then that it doesn't matter how slow you move only that you move foward
I will repeat it until the cows come home, if you have cycling depression you can see it is absurd how much life gets easier when the depression lifts. It is a completely different world but people use the same language, me struggling to clean out the cat litter boxes for 2 weeks and the mild aversion to it that can easily be “willed” through in seconds after the depression ends are totally different worlds. Yet they will continue to insist depression just is refusing to do the “will” thing, and guess what now everything is easy. No it’s not pleasant to wipe other peoples piss off the toilet floor, but without depression it’s so much easier to do unpleasant things. And after I’ve done this for a while and suddenly I stop being able to do anything for weeks and collapse in to filth, then magically they’ll say I’m just not willing or trying anymore and of course they are Job in a constant struggle - when they’re just describing pushing through mild aversion.
They lie about the world man, willingly or ignorantly. The world is worse than we can imagine in how much it destroys your sense of self and will.
They lie about the world man, willingly or ignorantly. The world is worse than we can imagine in how much it destroys your sense of self and will.
well I managed to clean the toilet, somewhat, enough that in flushes and I can piss and shit in it again. I don't feel any better though, just mad and sad that I let it get that bad in the first place.
i did the same thing again. i was conscious of doing the same thing again. i got the same result as ever. i didn't learn anything
now please tell me that brain is simple and you just need to do X or Y or whatever else normals say my memory is a bit turned off now
now please tell me that brain is simple and you just need to do X or Y or whatever else normals say my memory is a bit turned off now
>>287065
ahh and the most important i didn't get what i was seeking. and i knew i wouldn't. but still. what the fuck
ahh and the most important i didn't get what i was seeking. and i knew i wouldn't. but still. what the fuck
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I`m just going to die without getting to do any of the things I wanted to do. I never wanted to have a successful carreer, make a lot of money, have a wife and kids, have friends, be "in the know", or any of those things. I just wanted to study a lot and make a lot of stuff. Everyone dislikes me and looks down on me and I can`t communicate properly but I feel like my life can be different, or it could have been different but something went wrong. If I could get as good as I want to at these things maybe people wouldn`t look down on me but that`s not the point of course. I just want a chance. I just want to live long, like several decades more at least, so I can learn certain things and contribute and do what I think is right. I don`t know how to explain this, there are just things I want to do very much, things I want to try very much, and I don`t want to die without doing these things, and I feel like I never had a chance like most other people, and it`s despairing. I just hope doing my best will be enough. I consider 2024 is practically starting so I`ll stop. I don`t know what`s the point in typing all of these cringe posts, I just come off as a 40 IQ retard, but I feel like I`m in an abyss and really want to get out but I think I won`t make it. I just want to do things, what matters is works, not words. I just like math and drawing.
Went to my first in-person yearly checkup since Covid lockdowns today.
Since it was in-person, instead of a videoconference, they took my vitals and looked me in the eyes and stuff.
So apparently at some point between CoVId lockdowns started and today I developed a heart condition, which they only noticed because my pupils now dilate unevenly, as a result of some ocular aneurism, and my heart was apparently racing at 150bpm (I was calm and not anxious, possibly leaning towards sleepy and bored).
Wonder when that happened, right? I don't think I could or can do anything about it–my bodyweight's been on a downwards trend since lockdowns started due to the lower stress lifestyle of working remote, etc.
Since it was in-person, instead of a videoconference, they took my vitals and looked me in the eyes and stuff.
So apparently at some point between CoVId lockdowns started and today I developed a heart condition, which they only noticed because my pupils now dilate unevenly, as a result of some ocular aneurism, and my heart was apparently racing at 150bpm (I was calm and not anxious, possibly leaning towards sleepy and bored).
Wonder when that happened, right? I don't think I could or can do anything about it–my bodyweight's been on a downwards trend since lockdowns started due to the lower stress lifestyle of working remote, etc.
>>287078
2024 is gonna be a special year and they will be certain things that will end during that year, including your fucking posts. Just do something, anything with your life no matter how shitty you feel man.
2024 is gonna be a special year and they will be certain things that will end during that year, including your fucking posts. Just do something, anything with your life no matter how shitty you feel man.
>>287115
mean? the dude needs to get over himself and at least do something or else he will be stuck doing this for the rest of his life, it literally can be anything
mean? the dude needs to get over himself and at least do something or else he will be stuck doing this for the rest of his life, it literally can be anything
I feel all of the time like I'm the worst version of myself that I ever could be. I'm not even sure I've done something horribly wrong or anything like that, it just feels like I should have been living a different life and that I am just taking up space for someone else that could have been doing things with their lives instead of me. All of the time I think about the fact that I've just wasted my life away for years and not done anything even remotely productive, I compare myself with people that have achieved at least some things and managed to get jobs and money, while I have absolutely none of that. I wouldn't have cared if I wasn't around people with things and every time I am around people I keep getting reminded of the fact that I have nothing to contribute with in any way. My life feels like some mistake that should never have happened and I feel like I am just someone that uses up people's time and attention for no reason other than having a necessity to because everying else seems pointless. I don't have anything even remotely meaningful to say, I've never done anything meaningful in my life before, I keep thinking that things will eventually change for me, but I've been waiting for that to happen for a long time and it just feels like sometimes as if it's too late and that I've almost lost my ability to feel like I'm fulfilled and normal. From this point onward, I'll always feel as if nothing is quite enough, as if I'm not doing my best, if I had been doing my best I wouldn't have been living this way.
For the longest time I just wanted for people to give me some small type of recognition for anything in my life and I waited but it never came, I wanted to be praised even just a little bit for anything I've ever done and it never happened. I felt like I wasn't able to do anything properly because if I had been doing something right, then someone should have noticed it and said it, but nothing like that ever happened to me and now I feel like I am in a state of constantly needing approval or having consideration from people around me as much as I possibly can, not because I feel good after it but because I just don't feel like I'm really good or intelligent or anything similar to that. I spent a long time just wanting to belong to something or feel like I am good enough but as time went on I completely lost the ability to consider myself to be good enough in any way. It feels like the only way I could fix this problem would be if I went back in time and told myself I was good enough and actually important in some way, I just feel like shit constantly and like there's a person that died in me that I can't take back and now I'm stuck as some shell of a human being that doesn't have any reason to do anything.
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>>287079
>>287114
>>287115
I`m only going to reply because you did too.
I think youth, when you`re up to 18 years old, is a period when you have a chance, that`s why everyone goes to school to learn things and children aren`t forced to work. But I feel like I never had that chance because my life was a mess, I couldn`t focus on my own dreams, I had no control over my own life, and there was a lot of abuse and I developed mental illnesses. So I feel like I never had a chance like everyone else, it makes me wish I could go back in time or reincarnate. If I could have started with math or drawing when I was like 4, by now I`d have 2 decades of experience, and I would be only getting started. I really wanted to go an university, I wanted to be a good student, no one believes me but I think my life could have been different, I`m not like this. Now I can finally choose what I do with my own life but it just seems too late. Everything in my life sucks in terms of finance, family and health, like they say it`s really over. I`ve always had an interest in math and drawing and now I realize nothing else matters but now I feel like I can`t reach the same heights I could have reached if I started when I was younger, and this is arrogant and narcissistic but I like to think I could have gone very, very far, I think I can be different. I`m still going to try my best, because I still feel like I have something inside me, it`s like I believe in something important and I can feel it, I can`t put it into words. I don`t know, I can`t properly communicate, I want to communicate because I think something went wrong and I`m going to die without doing what I want to but it`s pointles. And it`s not as simple as just doing it, I have to get really good at it, it has to be genuine, but my life is a mess and the obstacles keep multiplying. I`m in a very bad mental state and trying to fix it. I don`t know. I just really love math and drawing and want to spend a lot of time with the two things, nothing else matters. I shouldn`t be making posts, I should be trying to reach my ideals, but I think I won`t make it no matter how hard I try. Ok. The new year is starting for me so I`ll stop. Even if you reply again, no matter what you say, I won`t reply again. Bye hopefully.
>>287114
>>287115
I`m only going to reply because you did too.
I think youth, when you`re up to 18 years old, is a period when you have a chance, that`s why everyone goes to school to learn things and children aren`t forced to work. But I feel like I never had that chance because my life was a mess, I couldn`t focus on my own dreams, I had no control over my own life, and there was a lot of abuse and I developed mental illnesses. So I feel like I never had a chance like everyone else, it makes me wish I could go back in time or reincarnate. If I could have started with math or drawing when I was like 4, by now I`d have 2 decades of experience, and I would be only getting started. I really wanted to go an university, I wanted to be a good student, no one believes me but I think my life could have been different, I`m not like this. Now I can finally choose what I do with my own life but it just seems too late. Everything in my life sucks in terms of finance, family and health, like they say it`s really over. I`ve always had an interest in math and drawing and now I realize nothing else matters but now I feel like I can`t reach the same heights I could have reached if I started when I was younger, and this is arrogant and narcissistic but I like to think I could have gone very, very far, I think I can be different. I`m still going to try my best, because I still feel like I have something inside me, it`s like I believe in something important and I can feel it, I can`t put it into words. I don`t know, I can`t properly communicate, I want to communicate because I think something went wrong and I`m going to die without doing what I want to but it`s pointles. And it`s not as simple as just doing it, I have to get really good at it, it has to be genuine, but my life is a mess and the obstacles keep multiplying. I`m in a very bad mental state and trying to fix it. I don`t know. I just really love math and drawing and want to spend a lot of time with the two things, nothing else matters. I shouldn`t be making posts, I should be trying to reach my ideals, but I think I won`t make it no matter how hard I try. Ok. The new year is starting for me so I`ll stop. Even if you reply again, no matter what you say, I won`t reply again. Bye hopefully.
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>>287122
I feel like imageboards were a mistake. You remind me of myself how I wasted my 20s getting some bizarre satisfaction from complaining about how it's over, how difficult everything is and talk about how I have such big goals only to not do any work towards reaching them. I developed a reflex to come to imageboards every time I had some new thought or idea because of the anonymity and no barriers to posting. Even when I knew my post was unproductive I still made it because why not. Talking about your dreams can be so addicting compared to the reality of doing the boring work for slow gains. We need to get off the internet and reset our dopamine receptors.
Also thinking about what could have been is just pointless because these alternative realities are all illusions. Life is incredibly complex and unpredictable so just because you imagine doing one thing different doesn't mean your life would follow a predictable path. Like I regret dropping out of college but then I saw posts from people who graduated and can't get job anyways or they find their job miserable. I thought being a scientist would be cool but then I saw all the posts about scientists complaining about how boring their job is most of the time and how hard it's to get grants. I get the feeling that really only a very small minority of people are actually living the dream. So I think the goal should be to learn to accept the mundane reality.
I feel like imageboards were a mistake. You remind me of myself how I wasted my 20s getting some bizarre satisfaction from complaining about how it's over, how difficult everything is and talk about how I have such big goals only to not do any work towards reaching them. I developed a reflex to come to imageboards every time I had some new thought or idea because of the anonymity and no barriers to posting. Even when I knew my post was unproductive I still made it because why not. Talking about your dreams can be so addicting compared to the reality of doing the boring work for slow gains. We need to get off the internet and reset our dopamine receptors.
Also thinking about what could have been is just pointless because these alternative realities are all illusions. Life is incredibly complex and unpredictable so just because you imagine doing one thing different doesn't mean your life would follow a predictable path. Like I regret dropping out of college but then I saw posts from people who graduated and can't get job anyways or they find their job miserable. I thought being a scientist would be cool but then I saw all the posts about scientists complaining about how boring their job is most of the time and how hard it's to get grants. I get the feeling that really only a very small minority of people are actually living the dream. So I think the goal should be to learn to accept the mundane reality.
>>287122
>Even if you reply again, no matter what you say, I won`t reply again.
that's unbearably sad because i was just about to ask where you find such nice pictures, but if you don't want to speak i won't ask you to do that.
by the way wish you luck in the new year
>Even if you reply again, no matter what you say, I won`t reply again.
that's unbearably sad because i was just about to ask where you find such nice pictures, but if you don't want to speak i won't ask you to do that.
by the way wish you luck in the new year
>>287124
you are speaking out my head literally except for the last sentence
>So I think the goal should be to learn to accept the mundane reality.
i don't think it's a goal otherwise it would be too miserable to bear. it's more like the only available choice you can refuse to make at the expense of your own life
you are speaking out my head literally except for the last sentence
>So I think the goal should be to learn to accept the mundane reality.
i don't think it's a goal otherwise it would be too miserable to bear. it's more like the only available choice you can refuse to make at the expense of your own life
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>>287126
That's my conclusion because my anime brained thinking is what prevented me from working towards my goals because in real life things take time and are boring and there is no epic trainings montage with uplifting music.
Life can feel pretty exciting if you watch a 30 minute youtube video about the wonders of the world but all these wonders took each years to create. I really think daily internet usage and video games rewired my brain and now I have to try to get it back to normal. It's a good thing this board is slow so you don't bother checking it every few minutes.
That's my conclusion because my anime brained thinking is what prevented me from working towards my goals because in real life things take time and are boring and there is no epic trainings montage with uplifting music.
Life can feel pretty exciting if you watch a 30 minute youtube video about the wonders of the world but all these wonders took each years to create. I really think daily internet usage and video games rewired my brain and now I have to try to get it back to normal. It's a good thing this board is slow so you don't bother checking it every few minutes.
>>287122
You write like a succubus. Your soul is probably female and your true calling was always just to get pregnant, not these arts & crafts hobbies that pale in comparison. I'm sorry you got cheated out of a female body at birth with no way to realize the creation of a new soul through it. The sacred feminine cannot be tamed by doodling and playing with numbers and you know this. It's over.
You write like a succubus. Your soul is probably female and your true calling was always just to get pregnant, not these arts & crafts hobbies that pale in comparison. I'm sorry you got cheated out of a female body at birth with no way to realize the creation of a new soul through it. The sacred feminine cannot be tamed by doodling and playing with numbers and you know this. It's over.
>>287127
i am pretty confident it is actually about lack of purpose, support, assurance and praise. no matter what wizards (like me) say, you feel so much better when somebody notices your hard work and acknowledges it. but it must happen when you're 20. when you're 30 you're already spiteful and give no shit about the thing. it is just that some people are more likeable for one reason or the other, they get somebody to praise them. and then there are lucky people who found purpose. with no purpose and nobody giving a fuck about you no matter how 'self-aware' you are you ain't even cleaning your table. sometimes it's just over.
but the question remains: is it over for us? truly truly over? completely, unquestioningly, utterly over? or maybe it's time to stop posting?
i am pretty confident it is actually about lack of purpose, support, assurance and praise. no matter what wizards (like me) say, you feel so much better when somebody notices your hard work and acknowledges it. but it must happen when you're 20. when you're 30 you're already spiteful and give no shit about the thing. it is just that some people are more likeable for one reason or the other, they get somebody to praise them. and then there are lucky people who found purpose. with no purpose and nobody giving a fuck about you no matter how 'self-aware' you are you ain't even cleaning your table. sometimes it's just over.
but the question remains: is it over for us? truly truly over? completely, unquestioningly, utterly over? or maybe it's time to stop posting?
>>287127
I dont relate to this.
I want things to be boring. I cant stand the stress and anxiety of how extreme this life is. Tiniest slip in a car and i could kill a family and shatter my own spine. Every time someone eats meat, it's a murdered animal that had a consciousness and was forced to live in horrific conditions. Monstrous technology with incomprehensible complexity is used to send this message to you at near lightspeed, which as a sideeffect gives the government the ability to watch me, listen to me and essentially read my thoughts. Everything is too much. Why cant we just relax and chill on farms, living basic sustainable lives? It's probably the fault of people like you that keep pushing society for change, excitement and horror.
I dont relate to this.
I want things to be boring. I cant stand the stress and anxiety of how extreme this life is. Tiniest slip in a car and i could kill a family and shatter my own spine. Every time someone eats meat, it's a murdered animal that had a consciousness and was forced to live in horrific conditions. Monstrous technology with incomprehensible complexity is used to send this message to you at near lightspeed, which as a sideeffect gives the government the ability to watch me, listen to me and essentially read my thoughts. Everything is too much. Why cant we just relax and chill on farms, living basic sustainable lives? It's probably the fault of people like you that keep pushing society for change, excitement and horror.
>>287129
praise can be a double edged sword
there are so many mediocre artists who didn't evolve because they kept getting praise and relying on praise (something exetrnal and out of your control) is not good
one thing that I think could have potential is a positive self-improvement community. I was on a subreddit where people were posting their food and being non-judgemental and even praising someone for making the most simple meals and that made me want to cook something. but like anything run by humans I imagine it will eventually be ruined
>>287132
whats the point of being human if you are going to basically be a slightly upgraded animal?
praise can be a double edged sword
there are so many mediocre artists who didn't evolve because they kept getting praise and relying on praise (something exetrnal and out of your control) is not good
one thing that I think could have potential is a positive self-improvement community. I was on a subreddit where people were posting their food and being non-judgemental and even praising someone for making the most simple meals and that made me want to cook something. but like anything run by humans I imagine it will eventually be ruined
>>287132
whats the point of being human if you are going to basically be a slightly upgraded animal?
>>287133
>whats the point of being human if you are going to basically be a slightly upgraded animal?
No idea what that means.
1) there is no point to anything, why would there be? I suppose you must be some mentally ill religious freak that thinks he personally discovered some grand Meaning
2) We are just animals, not even upgraded, regardless of whatever religious drivel or ideology you tell yourself
>whats the point of being human if you are going to basically be a slightly upgraded animal?
No idea what that means.
1) there is no point to anything, why would there be? I suppose you must be some mentally ill religious freak that thinks he personally discovered some grand Meaning
2) We are just animals, not even upgraded, regardless of whatever religious drivel or ideology you tell yourself
>>287133
>praise can be a double edged sword
you still need to be sometimes assured that there is at least one person in the world that gives a fuck about what you do.
my needs are more or less basic i.e. food bed and access to internet and you don't need a top tier career to get that, so i can't imagine having motivation to go out of my way to perform better
but somebody gave a fuck likely i would because presence of somebody who gives a fuck is motivating.
somebody mustn't be a female, however. can't stand females.
>praise can be a double edged sword
you still need to be sometimes assured that there is at least one person in the world that gives a fuck about what you do.
my needs are more or less basic i.e. food bed and access to internet and you don't need a top tier career to get that, so i can't imagine having motivation to go out of my way to perform better
but somebody gave a fuck likely i would because presence of somebody who gives a fuck is motivating.
somebody mustn't be a female, however. can't stand females.
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I'm getting tired. Life is just one awful sucker punch after another. Born with a bad hand and I kept getting dealt shit hands. My father (piece of shit that he was) told me to give it until 30, but I wonder if I should even wait that long. It seems I won't get to live out the rest of my twenties after all – I'm going to go break my hands and back in the warehouse like all the rest in this dying town, because I'm too autistic to get a job. It's like they can smell the sad, decades long depression and failure on me. Even if I smile they can just tell. He stutters too much. His hands are shaking. He won't bring anything to the work environment; fuck him.
I think it's sad that the only things I can really be happy about are interactions with online weirdos (anonymous always) and not quite being as miserable as people even less fortunate than I. I don't know, this is rambling, I just can't believe life is this terrible. It's just bad and bleak and painful and it's been like that for as long as I can recall.
Even so: I don't want to die. I want to be happy.
I think it's sad that the only things I can really be happy about are interactions with online weirdos (anonymous always) and not quite being as miserable as people even less fortunate than I. I don't know, this is rambling, I just can't believe life is this terrible. It's just bad and bleak and painful and it's been like that for as long as I can recall.
Even so: I don't want to die. I want to be happy.
>>287080
>ocular aneurism
Curious if you had symptoms beforehand. Do you occasionally have troubles focusing your sight? Not blurry vision, but like a lazy eye, you can focus each eye on an object just fine individually but not both.
>downwards trend
Cancer
>ocular aneurism
Curious if you had symptoms beforehand. Do you occasionally have troubles focusing your sight? Not blurry vision, but like a lazy eye, you can focus each eye on an object just fine individually but not both.
>downwards trend
Cancer
>>287156
i wonder if it's better when the life is one punch after another or when it's all comfy and pleasant and happy until one day it just pitches your life in the depth of hell like you never even existed. when you're ever miserable you at least don't overthink it. like a dog that has never tasted good food doesn't complain about its pottage. at this point i don't think i care about the past anymore but i am just not ready to handle all of this shit even though i've been bathing in it for quite a while now
i wonder if it's better when the life is one punch after another or when it's all comfy and pleasant and happy until one day it just pitches your life in the depth of hell like you never even existed. when you're ever miserable you at least don't overthink it. like a dog that has never tasted good food doesn't complain about its pottage. at this point i don't think i care about the past anymore but i am just not ready to handle all of this shit even though i've been bathing in it for quite a while now
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It's so weird man.
I am open to self-improvement. I'm tired of the empty talk talk talk on imageboards and want to see what I'm capable of. But after years of a lazy lifestyle I gave myself permanent health issues that will restrict me. They are self-inflicted so I can't even complain but I just can't help that I was such a doomer back then. It sucks having to blame myself for issues that were caused by a self that I can't relate to anymore so it feels like a different person harmed me. There is actually a joke on The Office where a guy refuses to accept responsibility for past mistakes because he is a new person now. I kinda feel that.
I am open to self-improvement. I'm tired of the empty talk talk talk on imageboards and want to see what I'm capable of. But after years of a lazy lifestyle I gave myself permanent health issues that will restrict me. They are self-inflicted so I can't even complain but I just can't help that I was such a doomer back then. It sucks having to blame myself for issues that were caused by a self that I can't relate to anymore so it feels like a different person harmed me. There is actually a joke on The Office where a guy refuses to accept responsibility for past mistakes because he is a new person now. I kinda feel that.
i feel apathy and i shouldn't. i want to change it but there are no opportunities. i must wait but sometimes it's too hard to bear. i know i can do it, but i don't want to. i know i have to be stoic but i am powerless against these circumstances. sometimes i wish magic was real, but then normans would claim it anyway, not me. god bless this beautiful world. you know, according to bible god created animals on the sixth day. he felt something was missing and created the rulers of all life – humans. he didn't create anything on the seventh day. he claims he didn't so people have a free day to dedicate to god. he's lying. he didn't create anything on the seventh day because he was struck realizing he got too caught up.
>anon get to work
>yep, five more minutes
>anon it's time to get to work!
>sure
>anon get your ass up and start doing something!
>as soon as the next hour beings
>anon the hour is about to and stop reading threads you don't even comprehend what you are reading! you are just taking in strings of letters and send them directly to /dev/null
>i need just one more thread it's interesting
>what was the previous post you've just read about?
>…
that's just it
>yep, five more minutes
>anon it's time to get to work!
>sure
>anon get your ass up and start doing something!
>as soon as the next hour beings
>anon the hour is about to and stop reading threads you don't even comprehend what you are reading! you are just taking in strings of letters and send them directly to /dev/null
>i need just one more thread it's interesting
>what was the previous post you've just read about?
>…
that's just it
I hate being too mentally ill to support myself. I think staying in this house with my parents is starting to make me crazy. My mother only speaks to me in order to push some agenda, to nag me about how I'm not doing things exactly how she thinks they should be done. My dad is mostly just a drunk petty asshole who has the communication skills of a toddler and who throws minor temper tantrums over people not being able to read his mind about all the minor details of how he wants things to be done. It's mostly okay because we barely see each other or speak but when we do I swear it makes me want to KMS.
>>287078
You don't come off as a 40 IQ retard. How do you know if people really look down on you? And if they do, who cares? Aren't you in a position right now to do math and continue drawing? What is stopping you from doing any of those things? I wish you the best luck. You sound like a kind person and should be much more patient and forgiving with yourself.
You don't come off as a 40 IQ retard. How do you know if people really look down on you? And if they do, who cares? Aren't you in a position right now to do math and continue drawing? What is stopping you from doing any of those things? I wish you the best luck. You sound like a kind person and should be much more patient and forgiving with yourself.
>>287157
Do you want to talk about why you're feeling sad? I'll listen for as long as you need.
Do you want to talk about why you're feeling sad? I'll listen for as long as you need.
>>287179
Your family situation sucks. How old are you? Is there anything you can do, like move out with some other relative.
Everything you are going through makes sense and it's not your fault when you are living around shitty parents.
Your family situation sucks. How old are you? Is there anything you can do, like move out with some other relative.
Everything you are going through makes sense and it's not your fault when you are living around shitty parents.
>>287184
I'm not that poster but i'll vent, I don't like how life can be really unfair and bullshit. You can do your best, do all the right things and get fucked over something you have no control of. The safest and best way to stay alive is hide in your house all day and sometimes even thats bad for you, no one fucking wins in the end and everything seems so meaningless. I just exist just to fucking exist, I have no more thoughts, interests or opinions anymore, i'm simply a NPC.
I'm not that poster but i'll vent, I don't like how life can be really unfair and bullshit. You can do your best, do all the right things and get fucked over something you have no control of. The safest and best way to stay alive is hide in your house all day and sometimes even thats bad for you, no one fucking wins in the end and everything seems so meaningless. I just exist just to fucking exist, I have no more thoughts, interests or opinions anymore, i'm simply a NPC.
>>287198
Life isn't fair or unfair, it's just your subjective judgement over random events. Life is just chaos and you can either cry endlessly about it, or you can find useful patterns that bring you closer to what you want and help you avoid pain. That's all there is to it.
Life isn't fair or unfair, it's just your subjective judgement over random events. Life is just chaos and you can either cry endlessly about it, or you can find useful patterns that bring you closer to what you want and help you avoid pain. That's all there is to it.
>>287199
I feel stupid for ever venting tbh. Like what's even the point? There is an impermeable wall between us. No matter how well I explain my suffering, no matter how much empathy someone has: there is no actual connection happening. Just words. In the end I alone have to deal with my life and my feelings. Unless you talk to god and he takes pity in you and fulfils your wishes it's pointless. Better to put all focus on how to solve your problems.
I feel stupid for ever venting tbh. Like what's even the point? There is an impermeable wall between us. No matter how well I explain my suffering, no matter how much empathy someone has: there is no actual connection happening. Just words. In the end I alone have to deal with my life and my feelings. Unless you talk to god and he takes pity in you and fulfils your wishes it's pointless. Better to put all focus on how to solve your problems.
>>287202
If you touch a hot stove, you'll get burned.
Things fall towards the ground.
The annoying feeling in my stomach means I'm hungry.
That awkward silence after I told my joke means it wasn't funny.
Language itself is just a useful pattern that you picked up because it helped you understand the other humans around you.
You can't help but notice patterns and make conclusions based on them. Like, three bad things happened to me this week, so existence is meaningless and there is no way to possibly live.
If you touch a hot stove, you'll get burned.
Things fall towards the ground.
The annoying feeling in my stomach means I'm hungry.
That awkward silence after I told my joke means it wasn't funny.
Language itself is just a useful pattern that you picked up because it helped you understand the other humans around you.
You can't help but notice patterns and make conclusions based on them. Like, three bad things happened to me this week, so existence is meaningless and there is no way to possibly live.
>>287203
What about going to school and getting shot by a random school shooting? Going on a airplane for a trip until randomly its crashes into two towers and you have no power to do anything about it. How would you know not to go on that planet at the time or if 9/11 would happened? Life is literally just bullshit, you can get owned at anytime and you wouldn't even know, we just have to do our best at this point.
What about going to school and getting shot by a random school shooting? Going on a airplane for a trip until randomly its crashes into two towers and you have no power to do anything about it. How would you know not to go on that planet at the time or if 9/11 would happened? Life is literally just bullshit, you can get owned at anytime and you wouldn't even know, we just have to do our best at this point.
I find that Twilight Zone episodes are oft quite eye-opening.
I… I feel… as if… I'm… ascending…!
I… I feel… as if… I'm… ascending…!
My mother is the source of a lot of my problems; I still feel pity for her. My ultimate insane "never could happen" dream is to win the lottery, pay her off for raising me, and part ways forever. We both deserve a better life than this. I think it's due in part because my father was so awful to both of us. She took a lot of that out on me, but still…
Anyway. I'm sitting in this shitty house. There's a train rushing down the tracks right now, and I can feel it. I can fucking hear it: I've grown so used to it that it's very surprising I even notice it now, but damn, everything on my desk is rattling. My mother was laughing at something on TV – this house is small and the walls are thin so I can hear her from the living room, even while being in my own room with the door shut – and she got silent so fast once the walls started trembling. And whenever I'm struck with the fact that she actually despises this life, and this terribly small sinkhole shithole town I get even more depressed than usual.
I was going to type a lot more but I can sum it out with: it sucks to be poor. I'm not homeless; that's the only good thing about anything. Me and my mother regularly look at this dump we live in and go "it beats living under a bridge!" because that's legitimately all it beats. I sometimes wish I could reduce everyone to this level, for at least a single month: I want to see how well the normalshits that have treated me badly function in a home that's almost always either too cold or too hot, or has rats and mice crawling around in the walls (and no matter how clean you keep it, they keep coming back, 'cause the neighbors are slobs and practically letting them breed in their backyards), or any other awful thing I've had to deal with growing up – and now.
Anyway. I'm sitting in this shitty house. There's a train rushing down the tracks right now, and I can feel it. I can fucking hear it: I've grown so used to it that it's very surprising I even notice it now, but damn, everything on my desk is rattling. My mother was laughing at something on TV – this house is small and the walls are thin so I can hear her from the living room, even while being in my own room with the door shut – and she got silent so fast once the walls started trembling. And whenever I'm struck with the fact that she actually despises this life, and this terribly small sinkhole shithole town I get even more depressed than usual.
I was going to type a lot more but I can sum it out with: it sucks to be poor. I'm not homeless; that's the only good thing about anything. Me and my mother regularly look at this dump we live in and go "it beats living under a bridge!" because that's legitimately all it beats. I sometimes wish I could reduce everyone to this level, for at least a single month: I want to see how well the normalshits that have treated me badly function in a home that's almost always either too cold or too hot, or has rats and mice crawling around in the walls (and no matter how clean you keep it, they keep coming back, 'cause the neighbors are slobs and practically letting them breed in their backyards), or any other awful thing I've had to deal with growing up – and now.
>>287162
> or when it's all comfy and pleasant and happy until one day it just pitches your life in the depth of hell
This is much worse. I believe it's hitting me so badly now, as I am (re)entering this state of hopelessness after six years of hope. I went off to college, lived in the city, got to enjoy a quasi-NEET existence with Covid…I really felt that my life was going to "take off" once I got out this year but BOOM. Rent hikes, me being stupidly optimistic more than once, and I'm right back in the place I tried so desperately to leave when young. It's like I was bathed in shit and eating pottage and I got a sliver of grease that drips from wagyu and now I'm in even deeper shit and eating even nastier pottage.
> or when it's all comfy and pleasant and happy until one day it just pitches your life in the depth of hell
This is much worse. I believe it's hitting me so badly now, as I am (re)entering this state of hopelessness after six years of hope. I went off to college, lived in the city, got to enjoy a quasi-NEET existence with Covid…I really felt that my life was going to "take off" once I got out this year but BOOM. Rent hikes, me being stupidly optimistic more than once, and I'm right back in the place I tried so desperately to leave when young. It's like I was bathed in shit and eating pottage and I got a sliver of grease that drips from wagyu and now I'm in even deeper shit and eating even nastier pottage.
>>287224
I love browsing /dep/ on wizchan. You ever get depressed at how fragile humans are? How the economy is completely fucked and almost everything boils down to maximizing profits and it's only getting worse. How sadistic sociopathic "people" with giant fucking egos and tattoos usually find sexual and social success? It's so fucking exhausting.
I love browsing /dep/ on wizchan. You ever get depressed at how fragile humans are? How the economy is completely fucked and almost everything boils down to maximizing profits and it's only getting worse. How sadistic sociopathic "people" with giant fucking egos and tattoos usually find sexual and social success? It's so fucking exhausting.
>>287226
The key is not having a moral code. I've obtained tremendous wealth by abusing normies financially without getting caught. I was born with nothing and inherited nothing.
In this situation, you can't afford morals or ethics. You need to steal as much as you can. I don't mean stupid petty schemes like shoplifting.
The key is not having a moral code. I've obtained tremendous wealth by abusing normies financially without getting caught. I was born with nothing and inherited nothing.
In this situation, you can't afford morals or ethics. You need to steal as much as you can. I don't mean stupid petty schemes like shoplifting.
>>287226
>You ever get depressed at how fragile humans are…
>It's so fucking exhausting.
Pretty much. World's fucked in about a million ways and all I can do is either a.) ignore it or b.) tune in and feel miserable about it, because it's not as if I can actually do anything. I'm too cowardly to volunteer, I don't want to be reminded of how terrible things are for so many people in person. It hurts enough just seeing homeless people lope around.
>You ever get depressed at how fragile humans are…
>It's so fucking exhausting.
Pretty much. World's fucked in about a million ways and all I can do is either a.) ignore it or b.) tune in and feel miserable about it, because it's not as if I can actually do anything. I'm too cowardly to volunteer, I don't want to be reminded of how terrible things are for so many people in person. It hurts enough just seeing homeless people lope around.
>>287226
i hate how the body is so fragile when you want to live, but so invincible when you want to die, surviving shotgun shots to the brain and falls from 15,000 feet
i hate how the body is so fragile when you want to live, but so invincible when you want to die, surviving shotgun shots to the brain and falls from 15,000 feet
I can spend the whole day on computer and it feels like only 5 seconds have passed. I won't remember what I even did on the pc. I can't recall information, only very vaguely but mainly it's all a fog. Media has ruined me and yet I always keep coming back. This addiction is too storng for me.
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Every now and then when I get extremely lonely I go back to the many many altchans I know of, not just wizardy themed ones. It's kinda surreal how, on the one hand it feels as if the interenet is dead and no one is open to making new friends (which is very important to me, see my opening sentence). On the other hand there seems to be a lively and thriving community underground, of various topics and cultures. Problem is, you gotta be in-the-know to form part of it. And that's exactly where the fucking problem arises for me. I may have adhd, I just cannot stick to anything, then I have to go through the world being forced to
>watch a billion interesting hobbies and communities develop around me (which I cannot partake in because adhd in addition to being broke as hell)
>see people with life long relationships interact and strenghten their bonds in front of me
I know this is /dep/ and all and that sometimes it's rightfully looked down on but man, I am feeling seriously lonely. Maybe it's not being alone, but watching others grow apart what hurts me. You look around and it feels like everyone is alone and lonely. I wouldn't mind if that were the case here, but it's not. In fact the reality is people stopped putting themselves out there because they got their needs satisfied.
And you could say "hey come on now wizbro solitude isn't that bad" to which I'd agree, however I'd argue that these "friendly" people, communities and movements you don't form part of, they will sooner or later pose a threat to your, to MY existence. I just know it, fucking humans are tribalists as fuck. When that day comes, I don't know what I'll do…
>watch a billion interesting hobbies and communities develop around me (which I cannot partake in because adhd in addition to being broke as hell)
>see people with life long relationships interact and strenghten their bonds in front of me
I know this is /dep/ and all and that sometimes it's rightfully looked down on but man, I am feeling seriously lonely. Maybe it's not being alone, but watching others grow apart what hurts me. You look around and it feels like everyone is alone and lonely. I wouldn't mind if that were the case here, but it's not. In fact the reality is people stopped putting themselves out there because they got their needs satisfied.
And you could say "hey come on now wizbro solitude isn't that bad" to which I'd agree, however I'd argue that these "friendly" people, communities and movements you don't form part of, they will sooner or later pose a threat to your, to MY existence. I just know it, fucking humans are tribalists as fuck. When that day comes, I don't know what I'll do…
>>287256
You have made a just-in-time post. Not only I relate to every word said, but I also want to cite this:
>For I conclude that mankind is the error
>The time has come to end your reign of terror
>Say your prayers, veil in despair,
>For judgement's been called
for some reason I like this song so damn much.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKkZW4G3ZOE
Generally very likeable band. Leads are super comfy, you don't have it growing to trees sadly.
You have made a just-in-time post. Not only I relate to every word said, but I also want to cite this:
>For I conclude that mankind is the error
>The time has come to end your reign of terror
>Say your prayers, veil in despair,
>For judgement's been called
for some reason I like this song so damn much.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKkZW4G3ZOE
Generally very likeable band. Leads are super comfy, you don't have it growing to trees sadly.
my depression lifted and funnily i don't what should i do because i do not have to do anything i could enjoy. clarity comes uninvited
>>287256
All these lonely wizards need to find each other and get married and leave the rest of us alone.
All these lonely wizards need to find each other and get married and leave the rest of us alone.
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I hate being mentally weak, and nothing has improved the basic weakness to the world in decades of trying. I just wasn't made for the modern world and my death will be a pure freedom.
>>287262
Have you tried not complaining about it? That's like 90% of being mentally strong.
Have you tried not complaining about it? That's like 90% of being mentally strong.
>>287263
I have done the calculations, I spent 0.009921% of the time expressing complaints/negative emotions online in the last 2 weeks. I will try to bring it down to 0.00496%, but I don't think that's the problem!
I have done the calculations, I spent 0.009921% of the time expressing complaints/negative emotions online in the last 2 weeks. I will try to bring it down to 0.00496%, but I don't think that's the problem!
I have just felt a sharp sensation that I am being spied on and – as I have already mentioned some time ago – that the spy performs a very elaborate timing attack. This is a relatively new thing in my life and I hope it is not very unhealthy at least so long as I can filter it out, but still gives me creeps and an uneasy feeling.
Just so you know, I wanted to elaborate more, but I am afraid the spy will be able to recognize me if I do. What a ridiculous predicament.
Can this crap be handled or am I stuck for a while?
Just so you know, I wanted to elaborate more, but I am afraid the spy will be able to recognize me if I do. What a ridiculous predicament.
Can this crap be handled or am I stuck for a while?
>>287280
>Hundreds of these communities exist online.[6] News reports have described how groups of Internet users have cooperated to exchange detailed conspiracy theories involving gang stalking.[2] Kershaw & Weinberger say, "Web sites that amplify reports of mind control and group stalking" are "an extreme community that may encourage delusional thinking" and represent "a dark side of social networking. They may reinforce the troubled thinking of the mentally ill and impede treatment."[7][8] A 2020 study established a framework to classify and examine the phenomenon of individuals with the subjective experience of being gang stalked. The study confirmed the subsequent "serious" sequelae of their experience and recommended further research.[4]
don't worry seems like they are going to cure us soon
>Hundreds of these communities exist online.[6] News reports have described how groups of Internet users have cooperated to exchange detailed conspiracy theories involving gang stalking.[2] Kershaw & Weinberger say, "Web sites that amplify reports of mind control and group stalking" are "an extreme community that may encourage delusional thinking" and represent "a dark side of social networking. They may reinforce the troubled thinking of the mentally ill and impede treatment."[7][8] A 2020 study established a framework to classify and examine the phenomenon of individuals with the subjective experience of being gang stalked. The study confirmed the subsequent "serious" sequelae of their experience and recommended further research.[4]
don't worry seems like they are going to cure us soon
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Tomorrow I`ll be 25. I feel like my life is almost over because there will be immense hardships ahead.
I just want to draw and do math. Nothing else matters. I love drawing and math so much. I`ve never had a chance to spend time with either with them. I realize I really love them now and nothing else matters. I don`t know how to explain this feeling, there`s something I believe in very much, there`s something I feel, it`s something very intense, and I believe it`s true, nothing and no one could convince me otherwise, it`s my north. There are just things I want to try with drawing and math, and I will be very sad if I die without doing what I want to do. I wish so much I had a chance like everyone else, I wish so much I weren`t born in hell, I never got to live my life, even though I really wanted to… I never got to show what I think I really am, I never did things "my way" like everyone else, even though I think I could have been very happy. I don`t know what just happened, I was in an awful state and am starting to feel better, it might be too late, I can`t explain this, I feel so lucky, and so glad to be born, and I feel like there are so many things I have to do but I won`t have enough time and resources. If I could ask for something very stupid, I`d ask for a hundred years with either or both of drawing and math and nothing else. Wake up, have a fast meal, use the bathroom real fast, then spend at least 16 hours with either math or drawing the whole day and only go to sleep when I`m dead tired, wake up asap and repeat. I love music and other fields of knowledge too but I have to focus at least on two, maybe choose just one. No one believes me, everyone thinks I`m just pathetic stupid at best, but I believe it, I can feel it, I think I can be very happy and I`ll try. I want to show what I`m really like. I want to do everything I can. I don`t know what`s the point in typing this, I`m too different for this to make sense to anyone, I just like to think maybe a kind angel will read this and understand me and give me a chance. There are a lot of things that I feel and wish to communicate but the only thing I can really put into words is that I love drawing and math so much, so much more than you can imagine it humanly possible, but it looks like I`m sinking and won`t make it even though I really wanted to. If there will be really hardships like they say I might be finished and will die like I never existed. But if it depends only on my own effort and good will then I`m confident I will go very far. At least I won`t give up. Only death can stop me. And even then, only if it`s the nonexistence type of death, without chance for reincarnation or an afterlife or anything of the sort. I just like math and drawing and want to do so much math and draw so many things, I wish I could just do it already so I can show you what I mean, and I`ll be very sad if I die without doing much of either. I`ll stop posting when I turn 25 which is in a few hours. I wish I could properly communicate but even with a post this long this is the best I can do. More things I want to say but I`ll just stop else it becomes too unreadable. Not that it isn`t already.
I just want to draw and do math. Nothing else matters. I love drawing and math so much. I`ve never had a chance to spend time with either with them. I realize I really love them now and nothing else matters. I don`t know how to explain this feeling, there`s something I believe in very much, there`s something I feel, it`s something very intense, and I believe it`s true, nothing and no one could convince me otherwise, it`s my north. There are just things I want to try with drawing and math, and I will be very sad if I die without doing what I want to do. I wish so much I had a chance like everyone else, I wish so much I weren`t born in hell, I never got to live my life, even though I really wanted to… I never got to show what I think I really am, I never did things "my way" like everyone else, even though I think I could have been very happy. I don`t know what just happened, I was in an awful state and am starting to feel better, it might be too late, I can`t explain this, I feel so lucky, and so glad to be born, and I feel like there are so many things I have to do but I won`t have enough time and resources. If I could ask for something very stupid, I`d ask for a hundred years with either or both of drawing and math and nothing else. Wake up, have a fast meal, use the bathroom real fast, then spend at least 16 hours with either math or drawing the whole day and only go to sleep when I`m dead tired, wake up asap and repeat. I love music and other fields of knowledge too but I have to focus at least on two, maybe choose just one. No one believes me, everyone thinks I`m just pathetic stupid at best, but I believe it, I can feel it, I think I can be very happy and I`ll try. I want to show what I`m really like. I want to do everything I can. I don`t know what`s the point in typing this, I`m too different for this to make sense to anyone, I just like to think maybe a kind angel will read this and understand me and give me a chance. There are a lot of things that I feel and wish to communicate but the only thing I can really put into words is that I love drawing and math so much, so much more than you can imagine it humanly possible, but it looks like I`m sinking and won`t make it even though I really wanted to. If there will be really hardships like they say I might be finished and will die like I never existed. But if it depends only on my own effort and good will then I`m confident I will go very far. At least I won`t give up. Only death can stop me. And even then, only if it`s the nonexistence type of death, without chance for reincarnation or an afterlife or anything of the sort. I just like math and drawing and want to do so much math and draw so many things, I wish I could just do it already so I can show you what I mean, and I`ll be very sad if I die without doing much of either. I`ll stop posting when I turn 25 which is in a few hours. I wish I could properly communicate but even with a post this long this is the best I can do. More things I want to say but I`ll just stop else it becomes too unreadable. Not that it isn`t already.
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>>287294
Nevermind, I can`t communicate properly and not sound awful, I suck at English. I`ll just move on even if it`s pointless.
Nevermind, I can`t communicate properly and not sound awful, I suck at English. I`ll just move on even if it`s pointless.
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Well there’s a reason why I didn’t want to take studying Japanese TOO seriously to warrant studying in a classroom: to make a convoluted story simple it’s also why I always made one sacrifice after another, which is because when it comes to “getting your shit straight”, we aspies May as well start building our own “camps” with the levels of limits and accomodations we require to reach a common ground with neurotypicals.
Dont get me wrong, this might be a hiatus from my otaku/gaijin/japanophile revival, assuming my meltdown isn’t as severe as ones which have suceden/precedes the fucked up shit I’ve bumped into online for almost a decade now as this is less the internet and more its own computer coronavirus brought on by the more suitably labelled infectious toxicity of “the dark web”.
But all I can really add at this point without blathering up a text wall that invites an impersonal TL;DR is this:
https://rave.dj/7d2PZod9hgCcdw
Maybe I’m being melodramatic, but I haven’t exactly had mutual cause to be optimistic, so all I can really do is at least dramaturgy my way into being a professional at whatever obstactle I currently have (seeing as it hasnt exactly been on my good side this year to truthfully consider it anything else) before hopefully returning to pretending I’m passionate about something as pretence is the only word that has worked on too many levels anymore, despite more people finally understanding that shitstorm (I had to put up with since the end of last decade) this year.
Cheers.
Dont get me wrong, this might be a hiatus from my otaku/gaijin/japanophile revival, assuming my meltdown isn’t as severe as ones which have suceden/precedes the fucked up shit I’ve bumped into online for almost a decade now as this is less the internet and more its own computer coronavirus brought on by the more suitably labelled infectious toxicity of “the dark web”.
But all I can really add at this point without blathering up a text wall that invites an impersonal TL;DR is this:
https://rave.dj/7d2PZod9hgCcdw
Maybe I’m being melodramatic, but I haven’t exactly had mutual cause to be optimistic, so all I can really do is at least dramaturgy my way into being a professional at whatever obstactle I currently have (seeing as it hasnt exactly been on my good side this year to truthfully consider it anything else) before hopefully returning to pretending I’m passionate about something as pretence is the only word that has worked on too many levels anymore, despite more people finally understanding that shitstorm (I had to put up with since the end of last decade) this year.
Cheers.
reddit has started blocking tor and other vpn ips. hahaha watch your internet topple down! these days you can't even ask a question without proving your identity with your pass
>>287316
The introduction of VPNs and Tor has made the internet far worse for anyone who isn't dealing in drugs and child pron
The introduction of VPNs and Tor has made the internet far worse for anyone who isn't dealing in drugs and child pron
>>287317
>The introduction of VPNs and Tor has made the internet far worse for anyone
would be enough. current internet is the apogee of mass surveillance, where your every word and every action watched. vpns and tor are a blessing for allowing you to hide your identity to at least some degree. it is ridiculous that people block it. blocking it will not stop cp from existing, it will only make mass surveillance unavoidable.
you fools.
>The introduction of VPNs and Tor has made the internet far worse for anyone
would be enough. current internet is the apogee of mass surveillance, where your every word and every action watched. vpns and tor are a blessing for allowing you to hide your identity to at least some degree. it is ridiculous that people block it. blocking it will not stop cp from existing, it will only make mass surveillance unavoidable.
you fools.
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So why doesn't this wizkid just fucking draw and do his lil math problems?? What is stopping him?? I still don't get it. I read every single one of his gay ass posts and I'm still confused.
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>>287326
steps to enlightenment
steps to enlightenment
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>>287326
My life really sucks. I can`t explain why without typing a massive wall of text. Most things that people take for granted, even the users on a site like this, I don`t have them, and there are problems I have you couldn`t imagine, everything from physical sickness to being poor even by third world standards and family problems and all sorts of other problems, it'`s all a mess, I really wish I were born into a slightly easier life just to spend time with my hobbies, I don`t know if this makes sense, but I don`t have control over my own life, I was never "myself", I never got to choose, I didn`t have a childhood or adolescence, my life is starting only now, I`m taking my first steps into everything, I`m really not much different from a typical preteen or even a newborn baby, I don`t remember most of my life, I have very few memories, I have more memories since the covid pandemic than the rest of my life, I think I was in a state of dissociation or something, maybe something very horrible happened when I was very little and it caused me trauma and I ended up like this, I don`t know, I don`t understand why I ended up like this, I wish I could communicate but I can`t communicate properly, like everyone says I sound like a gay ass/succubus/whatever. I really just wanted to go to school, be a good student, do things my way, do things like I think they should be done, draw and do math, that's all, and now I think it`s too late, I think I won`t make it, because of my situation, I think I`ve been checkmated, I really wanted to live, I wanted to be myself, this is arrogant but I think if I could have enough time to develop my skills in math and drawing I could make my life worth it, I could justify my existence in this world, and maybe no one would be able to say you should die, or you should kill yourself. More importantly I like to think I could contribute, make a tiny difference, make people happy, help. Or maybe I don`t care about any of these things and just love my hobbies. I think maybe I`m a radical platonist, all that matters is bringing the Ideas/Forms to this physical world, achieving things, contributing, I don`t know, it`s something you have to believe in, you have to feel it, and no matter what anyone says it`s true. So basically because my life is a mess and I never had things everyone else had, I feel like God abandoned me even though I love God very much and want to be closer to God. I will still try, from now on I will just do what I think I should have always done, it doesn`t matter if I`ll fail or if I`m alone. I make posts on this site because when I was in my bad state I found this site (it had slightly different domain then) and used to make posts here also, but I don`t remember it well. So it`s a bad habit. I know I`m obnoxious but like I said I like to think maybe an angel will read this and feel bad for me and give me strength. I`m very desperate, I really want to do math and draw, but my life is a mess. When I`m not writing posts which of course only takes a couple of minutes I`m basically solving problems in my life that are holding me back. My birthday is in approx. 100 minutes so I`ll really stop now. I just want to draw and do math. I`ll be really sad if I die without spending several decades on at least one of them. If I could ask for something at least a little realistic I want to live to be 100 years old and spend all these decades with math and/or drawing and nothing else, like live very frugally and focused. Please God give me a chance. Ok, I`ll try really start behaving like I think I should do now.
My life really sucks. I can`t explain why without typing a massive wall of text. Most things that people take for granted, even the users on a site like this, I don`t have them, and there are problems I have you couldn`t imagine, everything from physical sickness to being poor even by third world standards and family problems and all sorts of other problems, it'`s all a mess, I really wish I were born into a slightly easier life just to spend time with my hobbies, I don`t know if this makes sense, but I don`t have control over my own life, I was never "myself", I never got to choose, I didn`t have a childhood or adolescence, my life is starting only now, I`m taking my first steps into everything, I`m really not much different from a typical preteen or even a newborn baby, I don`t remember most of my life, I have very few memories, I have more memories since the covid pandemic than the rest of my life, I think I was in a state of dissociation or something, maybe something very horrible happened when I was very little and it caused me trauma and I ended up like this, I don`t know, I don`t understand why I ended up like this, I wish I could communicate but I can`t communicate properly, like everyone says I sound like a gay ass/succubus/whatever. I really just wanted to go to school, be a good student, do things my way, do things like I think they should be done, draw and do math, that's all, and now I think it`s too late, I think I won`t make it, because of my situation, I think I`ve been checkmated, I really wanted to live, I wanted to be myself, this is arrogant but I think if I could have enough time to develop my skills in math and drawing I could make my life worth it, I could justify my existence in this world, and maybe no one would be able to say you should die, or you should kill yourself. More importantly I like to think I could contribute, make a tiny difference, make people happy, help. Or maybe I don`t care about any of these things and just love my hobbies. I think maybe I`m a radical platonist, all that matters is bringing the Ideas/Forms to this physical world, achieving things, contributing, I don`t know, it`s something you have to believe in, you have to feel it, and no matter what anyone says it`s true. So basically because my life is a mess and I never had things everyone else had, I feel like God abandoned me even though I love God very much and want to be closer to God. I will still try, from now on I will just do what I think I should have always done, it doesn`t matter if I`ll fail or if I`m alone. I make posts on this site because when I was in my bad state I found this site (it had slightly different domain then) and used to make posts here also, but I don`t remember it well. So it`s a bad habit. I know I`m obnoxious but like I said I like to think maybe an angel will read this and feel bad for me and give me strength. I`m very desperate, I really want to do math and draw, but my life is a mess. When I`m not writing posts which of course only takes a couple of minutes I`m basically solving problems in my life that are holding me back. My birthday is in approx. 100 minutes so I`ll really stop now. I just want to draw and do math. I`ll be really sad if I die without spending several decades on at least one of them. If I could ask for something at least a little realistic I want to live to be 100 years old and spend all these decades with math and/or drawing and nothing else, like live very frugally and focused. Please God give me a chance. Ok, I`ll try really start behaving like I think I should do now.
>>287339
>My birthday is in approx. 100 minutes
Schizoposter is SEA. It's over for him. Quality mental care is rare and expensive. They'll put him in chains and tie him to a post once his parents die.
>My birthday is in approx. 100 minutes
Schizoposter is SEA. It's over for him. Quality mental care is rare and expensive. They'll put him in chains and tie him to a post once his parents die.
>>287341
>Schizoposter is SEA
>SEA
asia? why would you conclude this? i for one don't measure the coming of my birthday by days but rather by the precise hour, because it gets documented anyway so I know it for sure.
>Schizoposter is SEA
>SEA
asia? why would you conclude this? i for one don't measure the coming of my birthday by days but rather by the precise hour, because it gets documented anyway so I know it for sure.
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>>287339
You're always exceptionally vague and you manage to write a lot without saying anything. I don't believe you want to draw or do math, otherwise you would do those things - it's just that simple.
Happy birthday btw.
You're always exceptionally vague and you manage to write a lot without saying anything. I don't believe you want to draw or do math, otherwise you would do those things - it's just that simple.
Happy birthday btw.
>>287343
>otherwise you would do those things - it's just that simple.
lmao yeah that's so simple JUST DOOOO IIIT
WIZARDS, I BESPEAK TO YOU, EVERYTHING IS IN YOUR HANDS, YOU SIMPLY HAVE TO JUST DOOO IIIIT. JUUUST DOOOOO IIIIIIIT!!!! DO YOU FUCKING HEAR ME??
JUST
DO
IT
!!!!!!!!
>otherwise you would do those things - it's just that simple.
lmao yeah that's so simple JUST DOOOO IIIT
WIZARDS, I BESPEAK TO YOU, EVERYTHING IS IN YOUR HANDS, YOU SIMPLY HAVE TO JUST DOOO IIIIT. JUUUST DOOOOO IIIIIIIT!!!! DO YOU FUCKING HEAR ME??
JUST
DO
IT
!!!!!!!!
>>287348
If you want to draw, just draw.
If you don't draw, then you don't really want to.
Do it or don't. Don't don't do it and then whine about don'ting done it
If you want to draw, just draw.
If you don't draw, then you don't really want to.
Do it or don't. Don't don't do it and then whine about don'ting done it
>>287348
>but i dont feel like it :(((
>it would be heckin swell tho
>just imagine :DDDD
I don't get it. Just pick up a pen, a math textbook, go through a proof, solve the exercises, watch lectures online, try solving Olympiad problems if you love math so much.
To me it just sounds like you get off more on crying about it than actually doing the things you "love".
>but i dont feel like it :(((
>it would be heckin swell tho
>just imagine :DDDD
I don't get it. Just pick up a pen, a math textbook, go through a proof, solve the exercises, watch lectures online, try solving Olympiad problems if you love math so much.
To me it just sounds like you get off more on crying about it than actually doing the things you "love".
>>287355
i'm glad for you, but it would be very nice if you learned that 'just do it' doesn't work because it implies shitload of things that are not obvious because not everyone faces them. i won't forgive anyone for looking down on the schizowiz.
i'm glad for you, but it would be very nice if you learned that 'just do it' doesn't work because it implies shitload of things that are not obvious because not everyone faces them. i won't forgive anyone for looking down on the schizowiz.
>>287358
If someone wants to do something as easy as putting a pencil line on a paper but claims they're too depressed to over the course of a hundred paragraphs of self-loathing, then it's no longer a case of "I can't" and is rather a case of "I'm more entertained by pretending I can't, so I will do that instead".
If someone wants to do something as easy as putting a pencil line on a paper but claims they're too depressed to over the course of a hundred paragraphs of self-loathing, then it's no longer a case of "I can't" and is rather a case of "I'm more entertained by pretending I can't, so I will do that instead".
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>>287343
>>287348
>>287349
>>287350
Why is it so hard to communicate… I really can`t communicate. I`ve tried saying the same thing tens of times but it seems I can`t get it through… I know all responses I ever get are just ironic mockery but still. I can`t just do it because my life is a mess. Like I don`t have enough free time and such. I lost my life, I was supposed to start when I was very little, like when I was 4, but I didn`t because I had a chaotic traumatic abusive childhood and it ruined me. I think it sounds like I`m making an excuse but I think it was weird. I don`t know how to explain this, but I want to get really, really good, I want to make a real difference, I like to think that I can do it, that it`s my calling in life, I like to think maybe I can do something no one else could do, something big and nice and sweet. For most people these things are just an interest or a hobby but for me it`s very important, like something spiritual, almost religious, that I`m ready to dedicate the entire rest of my life to, without ever wasting time with things like f*pping or videogames or whatever, just complete focus and devotion. I spend like a few minutes a day typing these posts, the rest is trying to make progress, whether it`s studying or just clearing up the problems in my life, and it helps me cope because it feels good to talk and tell the world what I think even if no one understands and looks down on me because I think I`ll just fail so I have to say something. I can`t explain this, there is just a lot of things I`m going through, there are a lot of things I went through, there are a lot of things I feel, I think maybe I`m a case apart, and it looks I won`t make it… I`ve liked math and drawing since I was very little, some of my first memories from coming into this world are me drawing a succubus and learning the basic operations, but it was really chaotic and I didn`t grow and develop like a normal person. For example I loved school, school was like a safe place for me, a heaven, and my teachers were like family to me, but I couldn`t even attend school half of the time because of my personal problems, and was often absent half of the classes despite really loving school and learning. My psyche is very, very f*cked up. I just wish I could properly communicate and not sound like a retard. I just like math and drawing and want to get closer to certain ideals. Ok. Hopefully I`ll stop now. I know I`m hopeless but I`ll do what I`m supposed to. Today I got to study anatomy just a little, hands, but I think I`m what /ic/ would call "prebegg". But I`ve seen encouraging progressions of illustrators. I`ll just do what I think is right even if no one believes me and even if I`m alone and even if I`m hopeless and abandoned and destined to fail. I like math and drawing. I wish I knew what I`m supposed to say. Ok. Thank you for your tolerance.
>>287348
>>287349
>>287350
Why is it so hard to communicate… I really can`t communicate. I`ve tried saying the same thing tens of times but it seems I can`t get it through… I know all responses I ever get are just ironic mockery but still. I can`t just do it because my life is a mess. Like I don`t have enough free time and such. I lost my life, I was supposed to start when I was very little, like when I was 4, but I didn`t because I had a chaotic traumatic abusive childhood and it ruined me. I think it sounds like I`m making an excuse but I think it was weird. I don`t know how to explain this, but I want to get really, really good, I want to make a real difference, I like to think that I can do it, that it`s my calling in life, I like to think maybe I can do something no one else could do, something big and nice and sweet. For most people these things are just an interest or a hobby but for me it`s very important, like something spiritual, almost religious, that I`m ready to dedicate the entire rest of my life to, without ever wasting time with things like f*pping or videogames or whatever, just complete focus and devotion. I spend like a few minutes a day typing these posts, the rest is trying to make progress, whether it`s studying or just clearing up the problems in my life, and it helps me cope because it feels good to talk and tell the world what I think even if no one understands and looks down on me because I think I`ll just fail so I have to say something. I can`t explain this, there is just a lot of things I`m going through, there are a lot of things I went through, there are a lot of things I feel, I think maybe I`m a case apart, and it looks I won`t make it… I`ve liked math and drawing since I was very little, some of my first memories from coming into this world are me drawing a succubus and learning the basic operations, but it was really chaotic and I didn`t grow and develop like a normal person. For example I loved school, school was like a safe place for me, a heaven, and my teachers were like family to me, but I couldn`t even attend school half of the time because of my personal problems, and was often absent half of the classes despite really loving school and learning. My psyche is very, very f*cked up. I just wish I could properly communicate and not sound like a retard. I just like math and drawing and want to get closer to certain ideals. Ok. Hopefully I`ll stop now. I know I`m hopeless but I`ll do what I`m supposed to. Today I got to study anatomy just a little, hands, but I think I`m what /ic/ would call "prebegg". But I`ve seen encouraging progressions of illustrators. I`ll just do what I think is right even if no one believes me and even if I`m alone and even if I`m hopeless and abandoned and destined to fail. I like math and drawing. I wish I knew what I`m supposed to say. Ok. Thank you for your tolerance.
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>>287364
Like I really wanted to go to an university but it seems too late for that, or have a good drawing tablet but I`m too poor.
Like I really wanted to go to an university but it seems too late for that, or have a good drawing tablet but I`m too poor.
I remember watching an anime one time that had the concept of a "trash person" explained in it. It was something like gome ningen in japanese. The idea is someone who just lets trash pile up in their house. My sister is like that. I was over at her house today, one of the few times I have ever been over there, and she looked very uncomfortable letting me in. There were dead mice in traps lying about and a bunch of trash basically everywhere. It's probably even worse in rooms farther from the front door. I feel bad because I have struggled with this too and I know she is also depressed and putting off a bunch of stuff that she really needs to do for like a year now. I offered to help her clean but she turned me down. I suppose her shame outweighs the desire to have things be materially clean, I can understand, but it was somewhat disappointing, although NGL, also slightly relieving. I wish I could do something to help her, but that would require me to be able to provide emotional support which I can't do because the level of intimacy required scares me too much. We don't do that sort of stuff in my family, and I suppose it's for the best because none of us are equipped for it, we are all damaged, only my parents are in denial about it while my sister and I are too broken to go the denial route.
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Ok. I want to say a final something. Tomorrow is a new year will start so I`ll try.
I`m very embarrassed. I don`t know what just happened. I lost my youth. I was in a very bad state. I don`t know why I behaved like I did. I`m very, very mentally ill. I`m starting to feel better.
But it might be too late. I didn`t live my own life. I think my life could have been different. I wish I could go back in time or reincarnate. I`m desperate.
I feel like I was just born but I won`t get to live my own life. I have a lifetime of bad habits and trying to unlearn them. I made too many mistakes, even though it`s not really my fault I can`t fix anything anymore. I`m tired. I was born into some kind of abyss and want to escape it but it`s like a truck stuck in the mud.
I just like drawing and math. I`ll try.
I think I won`t make it. I think I`ve been abandoned and I`m alone and hopeless and there will be too many problems that I won`t overcome like life`s practical problems like making ends meet and just surviving because it`s a difficult life, I think I won`t have a chance. But I`ll try.
I don`t know. I can`t communicate. I want to say something because I think I won`t make it but I can`t put it into words. I don`t know, it`s like I believe in something nice, or feel something good, and I have ideals, and I want to realize them and follow a path, there are things I want to do. For me the words creativity, imagination, learning and such are very important, I don`t even like saying them in vain like this it`s uncomfortable because they`re very dear words but still, I think I`ll die without doing any of the things I wanted to so I`m scared. I can`t explain this, it`s just there are things I want to do and I like to think I can really do them and there are things I enjoy and love and I think about but my life is a mess. Maybe I should be trying to be more concrete and specific but it`s like not being allowed to say God`s name in vain, or it`s embarrassing.
I think I`m not like this. I think maybe I could be different. Really different. But something went wrong. I want to fix everything but it looks it`s hopeless.
I just want to go through a period of learning and growth and survive what`s ahead, I just want to draw things and write math things, I think maybe I could have a lot of ideas and don`t want to die without trying them. Or I don`t care or don`t think I can be good and just enjoy doing it on my own and trying to get better even if I`ll never make it. I don`t know, it`s just that I like using my mind, and I feel a lot of freedom, I like thinking about stuff, imagining and creating, learning, understanding, I don`t know, it`s something mystic and spiritual and it draws or sucks or pulls me into it like a sink, even if I suck and am stupid I really enjoy it. I feel it`s almost like a sixth sense, and a strong attraction. I know I`m just retarded and low IQ and ngmi but I really enjoy it. I`m really glad I was born but sad I couldn`t make the most of my life. I just wanted to be fully devoted to this kind of stuff, math and drawing and such, not take one breath without thinking about these things and improving and so on, and not be distracted by anything else.
I know no one is reading this but if just one person reads this and thinks this is just a person who likes drawing and math but its life sucks it would make me feel like I conveyed the gist of it. Nobody cares, I`m just a mentally ill obnoxious retard, but everything went wrong and I`m not going to make it so I feel like I have to say something, or maybe it`s just a bad habit from when I was feeling bad and I don`t know how to stop it.
I`ll go on something like a trip and I think I won`t return. I think I`ll get nowhere because it`s grim but it still makes me a little happy. I feel very happy and free even if I`m destined to fail. I wish I had a chance. I want to try doing my best and go as far as possible. I want to do nice things. Do good. Follow the right path. Get really good, be proper. Just contribute a lot without uttering a word. I just don`t know the right words, there`s a caldron of stuff, and something went wrong, and I think my life could have been very different, and I wanted to work towards nice things, I`ll still try but it looks like it`s over. It`s obnoxious to make so many posts saying exactly the same thing but I`ll try to stop in 2024, I feel like I`m finally getting started, but it might be too late, I really want to make it. I don`t know, there`s something I really want to say, and you should just ignore all of this because this isn`t what I want to say, it`s all a misunderstanding. I just feel very restrained. I wish I could type like a normal person and live like a normal person, not like having a carreer or family but like being able to live my own life my own way and achieve my goals and not have to worry about so many things. I just really love math and drawing and even other things like music but I`ll never get to achieve what I like to think I could achieve because my life sucks. I`m just a mentally ill unimportant obnoxious retard.
It`s now taking an entire notepad page/screen so I`ll stop here. I just want to be free and do what matters, do things I enjoy, make nice things.
I don`t know. Nevermind everything I ever said. I`ll just do what I think is better from now on even despite everything. I`ll try to be quiet and be more like I think I could have been even if it all seems lost. There are many things I wish I could say and I`m not expressing myself well and I can`t communicate, I want to say something but I don`t know the right words so I`ll just stop. Either I`ll make it and be very very happy and free or die like I never existed.
I just like math and drawing. I really love math and drawing. I wanted to dedicate my entire life, every single instant of it, to at least one of them, I love them so much, I love them, I love math and drawing so much, it`s so fun and nice and fulfilling, I don`t know how to explain this. Please God, please let me draw a lot and do a lot of math, like many decades, please please. I existed, I was here, but I didn`t get to live my own life, I didn`t do any of the things I think I could have done, I just wanted to draw nice things and write interesting math things, I wanted to learn a lot of stuff, be a good student, gone to an university, I don`t know. It`s over. I just want to draw and do math.
I`m just going to change my mind and start thinking different things so none of this matters and I`ll just stop and just try doing something and maybe get real and stop caring about appearances. I`ll just do it. Dumbass.
I`ll regret making this post very quickly because I`ll remember something I wanted to say but I`ll die without saying it. There are tons of things I wish I could say but I don`t want to make this any longer, ok.
In the future if I make it and they question me about all of these dumb posts I made on this and other sites I think maybe I`ll just say I was going through a very difficult phase but I`m doing better now. But I think I won`t make it.
I`m very embarrassed. I don`t know what just happened. I lost my youth. I was in a very bad state. I don`t know why I behaved like I did. I`m very, very mentally ill. I`m starting to feel better.
But it might be too late. I didn`t live my own life. I think my life could have been different. I wish I could go back in time or reincarnate. I`m desperate.
I feel like I was just born but I won`t get to live my own life. I have a lifetime of bad habits and trying to unlearn them. I made too many mistakes, even though it`s not really my fault I can`t fix anything anymore. I`m tired. I was born into some kind of abyss and want to escape it but it`s like a truck stuck in the mud.
I just like drawing and math. I`ll try.
I think I won`t make it. I think I`ve been abandoned and I`m alone and hopeless and there will be too many problems that I won`t overcome like life`s practical problems like making ends meet and just surviving because it`s a difficult life, I think I won`t have a chance. But I`ll try.
I don`t know. I can`t communicate. I want to say something because I think I won`t make it but I can`t put it into words. I don`t know, it`s like I believe in something nice, or feel something good, and I have ideals, and I want to realize them and follow a path, there are things I want to do. For me the words creativity, imagination, learning and such are very important, I don`t even like saying them in vain like this it`s uncomfortable because they`re very dear words but still, I think I`ll die without doing any of the things I wanted to so I`m scared. I can`t explain this, it`s just there are things I want to do and I like to think I can really do them and there are things I enjoy and love and I think about but my life is a mess. Maybe I should be trying to be more concrete and specific but it`s like not being allowed to say God`s name in vain, or it`s embarrassing.
I think I`m not like this. I think maybe I could be different. Really different. But something went wrong. I want to fix everything but it looks it`s hopeless.
I just want to go through a period of learning and growth and survive what`s ahead, I just want to draw things and write math things, I think maybe I could have a lot of ideas and don`t want to die without trying them. Or I don`t care or don`t think I can be good and just enjoy doing it on my own and trying to get better even if I`ll never make it. I don`t know, it`s just that I like using my mind, and I feel a lot of freedom, I like thinking about stuff, imagining and creating, learning, understanding, I don`t know, it`s something mystic and spiritual and it draws or sucks or pulls me into it like a sink, even if I suck and am stupid I really enjoy it. I feel it`s almost like a sixth sense, and a strong attraction. I know I`m just retarded and low IQ and ngmi but I really enjoy it. I`m really glad I was born but sad I couldn`t make the most of my life. I just wanted to be fully devoted to this kind of stuff, math and drawing and such, not take one breath without thinking about these things and improving and so on, and not be distracted by anything else.
I know no one is reading this but if just one person reads this and thinks this is just a person who likes drawing and math but its life sucks it would make me feel like I conveyed the gist of it. Nobody cares, I`m just a mentally ill obnoxious retard, but everything went wrong and I`m not going to make it so I feel like I have to say something, or maybe it`s just a bad habit from when I was feeling bad and I don`t know how to stop it.
I`ll go on something like a trip and I think I won`t return. I think I`ll get nowhere because it`s grim but it still makes me a little happy. I feel very happy and free even if I`m destined to fail. I wish I had a chance. I want to try doing my best and go as far as possible. I want to do nice things. Do good. Follow the right path. Get really good, be proper. Just contribute a lot without uttering a word. I just don`t know the right words, there`s a caldron of stuff, and something went wrong, and I think my life could have been very different, and I wanted to work towards nice things, I`ll still try but it looks like it`s over. It`s obnoxious to make so many posts saying exactly the same thing but I`ll try to stop in 2024, I feel like I`m finally getting started, but it might be too late, I really want to make it. I don`t know, there`s something I really want to say, and you should just ignore all of this because this isn`t what I want to say, it`s all a misunderstanding. I just feel very restrained. I wish I could type like a normal person and live like a normal person, not like having a carreer or family but like being able to live my own life my own way and achieve my goals and not have to worry about so many things. I just really love math and drawing and even other things like music but I`ll never get to achieve what I like to think I could achieve because my life sucks. I`m just a mentally ill unimportant obnoxious retard.
It`s now taking an entire notepad page/screen so I`ll stop here. I just want to be free and do what matters, do things I enjoy, make nice things.
I don`t know. Nevermind everything I ever said. I`ll just do what I think is better from now on even despite everything. I`ll try to be quiet and be more like I think I could have been even if it all seems lost. There are many things I wish I could say and I`m not expressing myself well and I can`t communicate, I want to say something but I don`t know the right words so I`ll just stop. Either I`ll make it and be very very happy and free or die like I never existed.
I just like math and drawing. I really love math and drawing. I wanted to dedicate my entire life, every single instant of it, to at least one of them, I love them so much, I love them, I love math and drawing so much, it`s so fun and nice and fulfilling, I don`t know how to explain this. Please God, please let me draw a lot and do a lot of math, like many decades, please please. I existed, I was here, but I didn`t get to live my own life, I didn`t do any of the things I think I could have done, I just wanted to draw nice things and write interesting math things, I wanted to learn a lot of stuff, be a good student, gone to an university, I don`t know. It`s over. I just want to draw and do math.
I`m just going to change my mind and start thinking different things so none of this matters and I`ll just stop and just try doing something and maybe get real and stop caring about appearances. I`ll just do it. Dumbass.
I`ll regret making this post very quickly because I`ll remember something I wanted to say but I`ll die without saying it. There are tons of things I wish I could say but I don`t want to make this any longer, ok.
In the future if I make it and they question me about all of these dumb posts I made on this and other sites I think maybe I`ll just say I was going through a very difficult phase but I`m doing better now. But I think I won`t make it.
I really despise my family, espescially my oldest brother. He is a awful parent. Horrible parent. Despicable neglectful deadbeat father. I love my niece but I can't take care of her 24/7. All he does is sit on his lazy ass and play video games all day, and try to force her to watch minecraft videos on youtube so she'll leave him alone. He makes all this noise about how much he loves his daughter but actions speak louder than words. She is almost 7yrs old and i can count how many times I've seen him take her to the park or for a walk or anything on one hand. When i get enough money ill just pay him and his ex girlfriend a sum to give me custody and to fuck off forever. I lost every ounce of respect i had for him because of how much a shit parent he is. He was the same way with his pets, neglect to the point abuse. I remember i used to walk into his house and it was just a constant whimpering sound because he threw the dog into a small dark 2x2 closet at the back the house and left it there for hours and hours and hours. Oftentimes it would pee/poop in there because he didn't even take it outside. He would punish it for that by increasing the time he hold it in the closet of eternal suffering.
I hate my brother. I hate him. You can't hate someone unless you know them, and i know him more than anyone else. He is a disgrace of humanity and a black mark on the earth.
I hate my brother. I hate him. You can't hate someone unless you know them, and i know him more than anyone else. He is a disgrace of humanity and a black mark on the earth.
>>287383
Its just a ladder to climb out of the pit of being attracted to the demonflesh that is succubus, once you reach the surface, throw away the ladder
Its just a ladder to climb out of the pit of being attracted to the demonflesh that is succubus, once you reach the surface, throw away the ladder
>>287383
Yes. Gay crabs more of a problem. Most zoomers are politics brained though so they hate gays.
Yes. Gay crabs more of a problem. Most zoomers are politics brained though so they hate gays.
>>287392
You didn’t read what I said, gay crabs are a bigger issue than normal crabs on wizchan. Gay pure wizzers are ok as long as they don’t talk about it. Mentioned because the site often spazzes out about gays and black wizards, politica before magic. Must keep the context in mind. ( is it meta )
You didn’t read what I said, gay crabs are a bigger issue than normal crabs on wizchan. Gay pure wizzers are ok as long as they don’t talk about it. Mentioned because the site often spazzes out about gays and black wizards, politica before magic. Must keep the context in mind. ( is it meta )
>>287383
back then maybe. Now gays are obviously degenerates and the ones who spend most of their time online are anything but wizards.
back then maybe. Now gays are obviously degenerates and the ones who spend most of their time online are anything but wizards.
File: 1704061634699.gif (27 KB, 500x327, 500:327, 1.gif) ImgOps iqdb
oh
that isnt fireworks
thats the nukes coming
oh
oh good
that isnt fireworks
thats the nukes coming
oh
oh good
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>>287402
It will be 2024 in some hours in my time zone. So I can still make a post.
I`m just a retard, like very low IQ. Completely broken. But I swear to God, I feel something, I`ve always felt it. I`ve always had suicidal thoughts and tried it once when I was 8 but never again because I feel this and it`s why I want to keep living even though I feel a lot of pain and everyone dislikes me and I`m in hell.
I think it could have been different, but I`ve been destroyed. I like to think I could have done nice things, I just like daydreaming about nice things, I love art and math and exploring ideas and living in the world of dreams and thinking. I don`t know, I can`t express myself, I wish I could express myself, I think maybe I`m different and it wasn`t supposed to be like this so I want to say something. I wish I knew the right words to express myself, I know I look very bad. I`m just a retard. I can`t express myself. I can`t communicate. I feel so much pain, I don`t know how to live, I don`t know anything, I`ve spent the last several years crying almost every day in my bedroom, I can`t do anything, I don`t know how to live, I can`t function like a normal person, I`m the lowest, people like me should just be euthanized at birth. I don`t know. I feel so much pain. I want to be different but I think I`m just not meant to be. I`m just a lowly lifeform like a bedbug or worse. I could only redeem for being born by killing myself.
I think maybe this is really the last time I try communicating with the outer world, I know I`ll just come back to make a post, I really wish I knew what I have to say because I`ll just die and I think my life could have been different but I was just a retard. Sorry.
It will be 2024 in some hours in my time zone. So I can still make a post.
I`m just a retard, like very low IQ. Completely broken. But I swear to God, I feel something, I`ve always felt it. I`ve always had suicidal thoughts and tried it once when I was 8 but never again because I feel this and it`s why I want to keep living even though I feel a lot of pain and everyone dislikes me and I`m in hell.
I think it could have been different, but I`ve been destroyed. I like to think I could have done nice things, I just like daydreaming about nice things, I love art and math and exploring ideas and living in the world of dreams and thinking. I don`t know, I can`t express myself, I wish I could express myself, I think maybe I`m different and it wasn`t supposed to be like this so I want to say something. I wish I knew the right words to express myself, I know I look very bad. I`m just a retard. I can`t express myself. I can`t communicate. I feel so much pain, I don`t know how to live, I don`t know anything, I`ve spent the last several years crying almost every day in my bedroom, I can`t do anything, I don`t know how to live, I can`t function like a normal person, I`m the lowest, people like me should just be euthanized at birth. I don`t know. I feel so much pain. I want to be different but I think I`m just not meant to be. I`m just a lowly lifeform like a bedbug or worse. I could only redeem for being born by killing myself.
I think maybe this is really the last time I try communicating with the outer world, I know I`ll just come back to make a post, I really wish I knew what I have to say because I`ll just die and I think my life could have been different but I was just a retard. Sorry.
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>>287410
I mean to say, I`m in some kind of very deep hell, and I think a normal person couldn`t understand it, so words aren`t enough, even though I really want to say something. There are just all kinds of problems, it`s some kind of prison and I can`t move an inch, even though I think I could be very, very free. I`m just mad and insane I guess. I`m just a low IQ retard. I like imagining and I think I feel something but it must be an illusion. I really want to be different but I think I`m not meant to be. It sucks. I don`t know what to say. Bye hopefully.
I mean to say, I`m in some kind of very deep hell, and I think a normal person couldn`t understand it, so words aren`t enough, even though I really want to say something. There are just all kinds of problems, it`s some kind of prison and I can`t move an inch, even though I think I could be very, very free. I`m just mad and insane I guess. I`m just a low IQ retard. I like imagining and I think I feel something but it must be an illusion. I really want to be different but I think I`m not meant to be. It sucks. I don`t know what to say. Bye hopefully.
>>287410
>>287412
It's ok man. I spent a large portion of my life in complete isolation too and it destroyed my ability to comunicate effectively. In a few words, we have no mouth and we must scream. It really is hell when you look at it that way. Change is the only constant, one day you will git gud, as long as you keep trying that is.
>>287412
It's ok man. I spent a large portion of my life in complete isolation too and it destroyed my ability to comunicate effectively. In a few words, we have no mouth and we must scream. It really is hell when you look at it that way. Change is the only constant, one day you will git gud, as long as you keep trying that is.
Well, only one thing will sell me to Jonathan Glazer’s new movie now:
if Hitler turns out to be Steamboat Willie
Happy new year, everybody.
if Hitler turns out to be Steamboat Willie
Happy new year, everybody.
To my NEET niggas out there
Whose first word spoken out in 2024
Won’t be for weeks until someone bumps in to you by accident
Or something of that nature
Read that many peoples first word of the new year will be “happy”
Thought of my NEETers who are alone mutism massive
Whose first word spoken out in 2024
Won’t be for weeks until someone bumps in to you by accident
Or something of that nature
Read that many peoples first word of the new year will be “happy”
Thought of my NEETers who are alone mutism massive
i guess it's time to start studying while i am still able to be a neet, and not while i have to wagecuck as well. since it's inevitable, right?
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>>287413
I know when people say something nice to me they just want me to go away, and I`m not welcome anywhere. I always assume negative intent like irony and deceive. Just ignore me, please.
>one day you will git gud, as long as you keep trying that is.
I wish that were true. I wish I could fix everything. I`m just an unironic retard in hell. I think I have/had something but I`m not meant to be.
I`m too cowardly and stupid to try killing myself so I wish someone else would just kill me. I think maybe I would do it if I had a gun and it was as simple as pulling a trigger. I can`t do anything, I`ve really spent the last several years just crying in my bedroom, before that I think I had a dissociative disorder through most of my school life, I lived in a violent and abusive home, it`s just an indescribable hell and longing for something better, life is just pointless if I can`t reach it, I really want to die, I`m embarrassed from just existing, I hate just hearing or reading my name.
I can`t communicate.
I know when people say something nice to me they just want me to go away, and I`m not welcome anywhere. I always assume negative intent like irony and deceive. Just ignore me, please.
>one day you will git gud, as long as you keep trying that is.
I wish that were true. I wish I could fix everything. I`m just an unironic retard in hell. I think I have/had something but I`m not meant to be.
I`m too cowardly and stupid to try killing myself so I wish someone else would just kill me. I think maybe I would do it if I had a gun and it was as simple as pulling a trigger. I can`t do anything, I`ve really spent the last several years just crying in my bedroom, before that I think I had a dissociative disorder through most of my school life, I lived in a violent and abusive home, it`s just an indescribable hell and longing for something better, life is just pointless if I can`t reach it, I really want to die, I`m embarrassed from just existing, I hate just hearing or reading my name.
I can`t communicate.
The trailer for the upcoming American animated film looks like something I have never seen before (nor will ever fucking see again) and has improved my perception of the country.
I am le sold.
I am le sold.
>>287448
Batman v Superman coming out was given as one of the reasons to delay suicide on Wizchan 2015
Batman v Superman coming out was given as one of the reasons to delay suicide on Wizchan 2015
I'm tired of this life. I had so much typed up but in summary, I'm just tired. I want things to get better but I'm genuinely not sure if they will or can. And holy shit you have a phone in your goddamn hand, Google your own shit. Why do I have to put a pause on what I'm doing just because you deem it unimportant? If I ever treated you with the lack of respect and care you treat me, you'd be ready to kick me out. I'm just so sick of this.
for some reason everyone seems to be better at me than everything, even things theyve never done before. everyone has something that theyre good at except for me, shit at everything.
>>287492
Probably because you're so low energy and lazy that you don't even bother to put basic punctuation or capitalize the beginning of the sentence.
Probably because you're so low energy and lazy that you don't even bother to put basic punctuation or capitalize the beginning of the sentence.
>>287494
We're all subhumans, some of us just try to be better. You can start with the little things and maybe you'll develop the conscientiousness required to succeed in something bigger.
We're all subhumans, some of us just try to be better. You can start with the little things and maybe you'll develop the conscientiousness required to succeed in something bigger.
>>287497
Dudes entire personality test system in tatters because the dude cleans his room but doesn’t use his shift bar
Dudes entire personality test system in tatters because the dude cleans his room but doesn’t use his shift bar
You want to know the actually scary thing about Mickey’s Mouse Trap?
It will be better than both of the Winnie the Pooh horror movies combined..
It will be better than both of the Winnie the Pooh horror movies combined..
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Dumbass.
>>286907
I don't fit any fucking where – wherever I go I get sidetracked wheter it's real life or inet niches I guess it is because I'm such a fucking bore and nearly inbred maybe if I had better communication/social/writing skills I'd manage to keep the pace with people.
I don't fit any fucking where – wherever I go I get sidetracked wheter it's real life or inet niches I guess it is because I'm such a fucking bore and nearly inbred maybe if I had better communication/social/writing skills I'd manage to keep the pace with people.
>>287552
Have you tried not trying so hard, I don't know, maybe finding peace within yourself and shit?
Have you tried not trying so hard, I don't know, maybe finding peace within yourself and shit?
If my life were objectively good it be so easy to beat depression.
Just don't be depressed bro.
OK
Just don't be depressed bro.
OK
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Wizchan is one of the last places I can count on enough to post this much.
(Given how I didn’t need to open YouTube completely to know one of their meandering ads awaited me)..
(Given how I didn’t need to open YouTube completely to know one of their meandering ads awaited me)..
Thought about trying to check into a mental hospital today but then I remembered I have medicaid lmao. Too mentally ill to afford mental healthcare. lmao. good job society, you win this round.
>>287576
Glad society doesn't have to spend tax payer money every time some asshole wants attention and a free vacation.
Glad society doesn't have to spend tax payer money every time some asshole wants attention and a free vacation.
>Live out in sticks.
>Internet companies are vultures; want you to pay upwards of $80 USD for 5 Mpbs of internet that they'll throttle after you surpass a certain data threshold.
>So me and my mother use our mobile hot-spots.
>House roof is metal; we have to set our phones on a windowsill to use said hot-spots, because otherwise there's a Faraday cage effect.
>Mom decides she wants to use her phone because she found a good spot on the couch.
>Bitches and whines at me until I let her use my hot-spot.
>What this means is, because she does nothing but stream HD videos on the TV, it's extremely slow (if not for us both, then just for me for whatever reason.)
>Can't even fight back because it's "her house" and she "does everything around here" and she "pays the bills and I contribute nothing."
>Bring up that I pay the phone and internet bill for us both ($150 a month)
>That doesn't mean anything because it's basically no money at all to her (never-mind that she didn't have internet or a decent phone service until I moved back in, and gave her this, and also it's a HUGE deal to me because I have little money)
>Paradoxically it's also a big enough deal to her that if I say I'm going to stop paying for her she threatens to kick me out.
>Also blames me all the time for being poor as if she hasn't burned through my savings by bitching and whining at me to buy her things – fast food and clothes mostly.
I feel so envious towards people with good parents. Yeah she cooks sometimes but I don't feel home-cooked meals are worth all this stress. I'd rather have my small, shitty apartment back and feast on hot dogs and rice every night…at least I was free there. Why won't anyone hire me.
Oh, about hiring though:
>Apply for job #1.
>Don't really want it but whatever.
>Go through interview process; get offer.
>Job #2 that pays $10k more, is closer, in my field, etc. phones back
>I applied to this place weeks ago.
>Postpone offer for #1 (I only need a week).
>Interview with #2.
>Thought I did well but…
>….I don't get it.
>Go back to #1.
>"Ummm sorry anon we actually just noticed you were a CS major :0 we really want someone that's going to stick around (they didn't say this exactly, but that's essentially what the HR faggot meant when he told me 'I re-reviewed your qualifications).
This world isn't fair. I wonder why God (or fate in general) let that happen to me.
>Internet companies are vultures; want you to pay upwards of $80 USD for 5 Mpbs of internet that they'll throttle after you surpass a certain data threshold.
>So me and my mother use our mobile hot-spots.
>House roof is metal; we have to set our phones on a windowsill to use said hot-spots, because otherwise there's a Faraday cage effect.
>Mom decides she wants to use her phone because she found a good spot on the couch.
>Bitches and whines at me until I let her use my hot-spot.
>What this means is, because she does nothing but stream HD videos on the TV, it's extremely slow (if not for us both, then just for me for whatever reason.)
>Can't even fight back because it's "her house" and she "does everything around here" and she "pays the bills and I contribute nothing."
>Bring up that I pay the phone and internet bill for us both ($150 a month)
>That doesn't mean anything because it's basically no money at all to her (never-mind that she didn't have internet or a decent phone service until I moved back in, and gave her this, and also it's a HUGE deal to me because I have little money)
>Paradoxically it's also a big enough deal to her that if I say I'm going to stop paying for her she threatens to kick me out.
>Also blames me all the time for being poor as if she hasn't burned through my savings by bitching and whining at me to buy her things – fast food and clothes mostly.
I feel so envious towards people with good parents. Yeah she cooks sometimes but I don't feel home-cooked meals are worth all this stress. I'd rather have my small, shitty apartment back and feast on hot dogs and rice every night…at least I was free there. Why won't anyone hire me.
Oh, about hiring though:
>Apply for job #1.
>Don't really want it but whatever.
>Go through interview process; get offer.
>Job #2 that pays $10k more, is closer, in my field, etc. phones back
>I applied to this place weeks ago.
>Postpone offer for #1 (I only need a week).
>Interview with #2.
>Thought I did well but…
>….I don't get it.
>Go back to #1.
>"Ummm sorry anon we actually just noticed you were a CS major :0 we really want someone that's going to stick around (they didn't say this exactly, but that's essentially what the HR faggot meant when he told me 'I re-reviewed your qualifications).
This world isn't fair. I wonder why God (or fate in general) let that happen to me.
>>287578
I'm sure there are ways to control the amount of band the people connected to you get, anon. And she doesn't need to know.
I'm sure there are ways to control the amount of band the people connected to you get, anon. And she doesn't need to know.
>>287578
Have you tried getting a dongle and seeing if you can connect to STARLINK Satellites?
Have you tried getting a dongle and seeing if you can connect to STARLINK Satellites?
Just want to comment here while it’s still early and my mood is still (mostly) good for once before the rest of the day proves otherwise. *_*
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I don`t know how to communicate. I feel a lot of things, I think I experienced a lot of things, I can`t describe the situation I`m in without typing massive walls of text. I want to say something because I think I`ll fail, I think it could have been different, I think I`m not like this.
I don`t know how to explain this, I think I was born into a weird family and it was difficult when I was little so I developed a lot of mental illnesses and even if I hadn`t developed any mental illnesses I would still end up like this because it was hell every day. I don`t think I`m a victim, I think I was weak and pathetic, and only wish I had been stronger. This is arrogant and probably incorrect but I imagine this is must what it must feel like for wom3n who have been raped.
I think I`m starting to recover mentally. I feel like being born again. I feel like I`m starting to live only now. I feel like experiecing the world for the first time. I`m experiecing so many things for the first time. It`s very difficult to explain this, but it`s like I didn`t live my own life, and was in a state of comma until now, it`s very hard to describe the sort of things I`m experiecing, everything is new and exciting, I`m doing everything for the first time. I feel like I`m "getting on track" for the first time, starting to follow the right path. I feel so happy. I learn something new every day. It`s just things like paying more attention to your five senses and absorbing the world around.
But I think it`s too late. Right now my life is in a moment of relative peace but I know everything will crumble soon, there will be more turbulence, more than the last two decades, there will be a flood of problems and I won`t survive.
I just want to live. I want to live my life. I want to do things. I don`t care about having friends or money or any of those things. I want to do nice things, contribute, be very skillful and knowledgeable with something, I think what I like the most about life is exploring ideas, thinking, using my intuition, living in a world of fantasies and abstractions and such, it`s freedom to me.
I don`t know. I`ll just stop posting. I said I would stop posting this year. I`ll try to become a different person. I think I`m not meant to be but I want to be different. I think I`m doomed and feel like abandoned and it doesn`t matter but I`ll still try do something, whether it`s just killing myself or just living quietly with my hobbies or I don`t know.
I don`t know, I just want to say something, because it feels like there are a lot of bottled things inside me, but I`m not good at words, I`ll just stop making these posts, and not try to communicate like this anymore, and just focus on what I think is important, even if I feel hopeless. I don`t know I want to say something but I just can`t communicate properly so I`ll just go away. I tried. I hope this was enough if it matters.
I don`t know how to explain this, I think I was born into a weird family and it was difficult when I was little so I developed a lot of mental illnesses and even if I hadn`t developed any mental illnesses I would still end up like this because it was hell every day. I don`t think I`m a victim, I think I was weak and pathetic, and only wish I had been stronger. This is arrogant and probably incorrect but I imagine this is must what it must feel like for wom3n who have been raped.
I think I`m starting to recover mentally. I feel like being born again. I feel like I`m starting to live only now. I feel like experiecing the world for the first time. I`m experiecing so many things for the first time. It`s very difficult to explain this, but it`s like I didn`t live my own life, and was in a state of comma until now, it`s very hard to describe the sort of things I`m experiecing, everything is new and exciting, I`m doing everything for the first time. I feel like I`m "getting on track" for the first time, starting to follow the right path. I feel so happy. I learn something new every day. It`s just things like paying more attention to your five senses and absorbing the world around.
But I think it`s too late. Right now my life is in a moment of relative peace but I know everything will crumble soon, there will be more turbulence, more than the last two decades, there will be a flood of problems and I won`t survive.
I just want to live. I want to live my life. I want to do things. I don`t care about having friends or money or any of those things. I want to do nice things, contribute, be very skillful and knowledgeable with something, I think what I like the most about life is exploring ideas, thinking, using my intuition, living in a world of fantasies and abstractions and such, it`s freedom to me.
I don`t know. I`ll just stop posting. I said I would stop posting this year. I`ll try to become a different person. I think I`m not meant to be but I want to be different. I think I`m doomed and feel like abandoned and it doesn`t matter but I`ll still try do something, whether it`s just killing myself or just living quietly with my hobbies or I don`t know.
I don`t know, I just want to say something, because it feels like there are a lot of bottled things inside me, but I`m not good at words, I`ll just stop making these posts, and not try to communicate like this anymore, and just focus on what I think is important, even if I feel hopeless. I don`t know I want to say something but I just can`t communicate properly so I`ll just go away. I tried. I hope this was enough if it matters.
For most of what I can remember I've been depressed, from high school to working to uni. Eventually it got so bad I became suicidal and failed all my classes and dropped out of uni. I hated the idea of having to wageslave in the future, I hated working with normies and having to do things I hate and always being unsuccessful at anything I do. After moving back in with my parents and NEETing, I'm the happiest I've ever been. I don't have any problems with boredom and don't ever care about having "success" like with money or jobs or succubi. I don't have any problem just idling away huge chunks of time by myself. What's more, I have several hobbies and interests that I'm passionate about without having to interact with people or spend money.
It almost seems too good to be true. From your experience NEETing, will it always be like this, or is this just my "NEET honeymoon" that will be over quickly and existential depression will resume?
It almost seems too good to be true. From your experience NEETing, will it always be like this, or is this just my "NEET honeymoon" that will be over quickly and existential depression will resume?
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I want to say something but I can`t. I don`t know what to say. I can`t communicate.
Nevermind. Sorry.
Nevermind. Sorry.
>>287587
You need to actually do stuff man. You can't say you love art or you want to do X if you never do them. A lot of us want to have a fulfilling hobby too but we're too undisciplined or mentally ill to do it so we just give up and refresh wizchan, which is not a healthy way to deal with it. How about pretending to be someone else on the /hob/ drawing or mathematics thread and asks for advice?
You need to actually do stuff man. You can't say you love art or you want to do X if you never do them. A lot of us want to have a fulfilling hobby too but we're too undisciplined or mentally ill to do it so we just give up and refresh wizchan, which is not a healthy way to deal with it. How about pretending to be someone else on the /hob/ drawing or mathematics thread and asks for advice?
I started posting here in 2014 which is now an entire decade ago. I was underage zoomer (I only posted a few innocuous things don't worry) and I was committed to being a future wizard. I thought being a NEET was cool. I drank whole two liters of soda and then pissed in the bottles. I saved hundreds of loli images. I asked for a desktop to replace my laptop on purpose. Now I'm 22 and the NEET life is grey as hell.
>>287607
>post started like it's some oldfag reminiscing his youth
>he's three years younger than me
Jesus christ I am still not used to being older than people
>post started like it's some oldfag reminiscing his youth
>he's three years younger than me
Jesus christ I am still not used to being older than people
>>287607
i think its cool you admitted this, i was the same way, i found 4chan when i was 12 and i became dedicated to being an internet weirdo and memorizing all the slang and amassing a collection of culture on my hard drive. i found wizchan when i was 16.
it didnt really negatively change my life trajectory though, even if i hadnt known the terms and the culture of hikkikimoris i wouldve ended up in the same way. im schizotypal and have very severe OCD and drug problems.
i think its cool you admitted this, i was the same way, i found 4chan when i was 12 and i became dedicated to being an internet weirdo and memorizing all the slang and amassing a collection of culture on my hard drive. i found wizchan when i was 16.
it didnt really negatively change my life trajectory though, even if i hadnt known the terms and the culture of hikkikimoris i wouldve ended up in the same way. im schizotypal and have very severe OCD and drug problems.
>>287607
I had the same thing at 16, I sort of idealized the idea of being a shut in hikki loser due to 4chan. I actually had real life friends at the time and they said using the internet was making me noticeably weird.
I had the same thing at 16, I sort of idealized the idea of being a shut in hikki loser due to 4chan. I actually had real life friends at the time and they said using the internet was making me noticeably weird.
>>287614
This brings me great pain to read and remember my life. I lost all my friends gradually
This brings me great pain to read and remember my life. I lost all my friends gradually
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I can't believe my life is this awful. I wasn't expecting riches and glory but I did think I'd be able to be…happy, or at least see happiness on the horizon. But I feel so scooped out.
Genuinely what was the point of going off to university if I was just going to end up working food service? If I'd known it was going to be like this, I wouldn't have attended. I'd have skipped the bullshit hope dance of the past six years and gone straight to McDonalds (Rally's).
I need someone to hire me this month, god damn it. This isn't fair.
Genuinely what was the point of going off to university if I was just going to end up working food service? If I'd known it was going to be like this, I wouldn't have attended. I'd have skipped the bullshit hope dance of the past six years and gone straight to McDonalds (Rally's).
I need someone to hire me this month, god damn it. This isn't fair.
>>287618
It wouldn't have matter anyway if you gotten something useful from university, you'll still be a slave to some big dick head but at least he'll pay you a little bit more crumbs to afford a basic life of having shelter food and water. You have to realize this is it, this is just life and it's a fucking embarrassment.
It wouldn't have matter anyway if you gotten something useful from university, you'll still be a slave to some big dick head but at least he'll pay you a little bit more crumbs to afford a basic life of having shelter food and water. You have to realize this is it, this is just life and it's a fucking embarrassment.
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Apologize for my behavior. Apologize for the inconvenience.
The wageslave general seems dead so I'll ask here.
I'm in this internship I don't want to go into detail but it's pretty easy overall not very stressful physically or mentally.
However, there's one guy that is a massive asshole who's pretty much disliked by everyone. I don't have to interact with him for now but I'm worried I can't hack working with people like that.
This was my only chance to escape neetdom and I feel like im already blowing it. Have been experiencing severe depression and insomnia episodes.
I'm really at my wits and, quitting this and I'm risking either homelessness or constant verbal abuse at home because my fucktard normie parents don't believe a word about my mental issues.
How do I deal with this? Should I keep going hoping the fear will go away? It's been a week of constant terror and anxiety I literally don't enjoy anything anymore. Why is my brain stressing about something that should not matter that much?
I'm in this internship I don't want to go into detail but it's pretty easy overall not very stressful physically or mentally.
However, there's one guy that is a massive asshole who's pretty much disliked by everyone. I don't have to interact with him for now but I'm worried I can't hack working with people like that.
This was my only chance to escape neetdom and I feel like im already blowing it. Have been experiencing severe depression and insomnia episodes.
I'm really at my wits and, quitting this and I'm risking either homelessness or constant verbal abuse at home because my fucktard normie parents don't believe a word about my mental issues.
How do I deal with this? Should I keep going hoping the fear will go away? It's been a week of constant terror and anxiety I literally don't enjoy anything anymore. Why is my brain stressing about something that should not matter that much?
>>287666
if its full time, youre fucked no matter where you go or what you do.
if youre part time, those shitheads youll barely see them and they wont even bother learning your name let alone harass you so long as you stay quiet and do your job without inconveniencing them.
if its full time, youre fucked no matter where you go or what you do.
if youre part time, those shitheads youll barely see them and they wont even bother learning your name let alone harass you so long as you stay quiet and do your job without inconveniencing them.
>>287666
Simply just do your job, ignore that man, I worked with many assholes who even fucked me over and lost interest talking or interacting with co-workers. I keep things professional and only focus on the job so I can go the home already, we don't go to work to make friends anon.
Simply just do your job, ignore that man, I worked with many assholes who even fucked me over and lost interest talking or interacting with co-workers. I keep things professional and only focus on the job so I can go the home already, we don't go to work to make friends anon.
I hate my parents. Hate my father for being an uncaring, apathetic sack of drunken shit and dying with no burial plan whatsoever so I had to burn my insurance money on burying him. I hate my mother now for being a petulant child. She’s my parent so I can’t quite shake that inherent connection, and we have plenty of fond moments, but there are many more bad. I guess it’s good that I don’t have to worry about taking care of her when she ages. I’m just going to stick her in a nursing home or let her rot here. And I won’t feel much guilt over it either.
>>287666
KEEP GOING. You will be fucking worse off if you miss this opportunity and you must gain a thicker skin anyway, assholes are everywhere in every form. Godspeed wizbro.
KEEP GOING. You will be fucking worse off if you miss this opportunity and you must gain a thicker skin anyway, assholes are everywhere in every form. Godspeed wizbro.
The greatest pleasure I have and will ever experience in life is orgasm from masturbating to porn. What worthless existence.
I'm too tired to lie down or sleep, I get tired of having dreams or having a body at all. I will only be able to rest when I will have nothing and i be nothing.
The other month or year my mother was talking about school, and I said I don’t want to talk about school. She said “oh I thought you enjoyed school”, it created a mix of emotions. School wasn’t hell like it is for some people, but I only have the negative memories of it, and I don’t want to think about it.
It’s kind of weird she thought I was happy at school, because she knows I haven’t been happy for the 20 years since. No mom I’ve been unhappy since I was a kid, all of it. She’s already said sorry to me because she knows I don’t like life that much, that she didn’t think things would turn out this way, but she thought I at least enjoyed school. Sorry mom, I didn’t, it’s just the luck of the draw.
It’s kind of weird she thought I was happy at school, because she knows I haven’t been happy for the 20 years since. No mom I’ve been unhappy since I was a kid, all of it. She’s already said sorry to me because she knows I don’t like life that much, that she didn’t think things would turn out this way, but she thought I at least enjoyed school. Sorry mom, I didn’t, it’s just the luck of the draw.
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Weird blogpost incoming.
Today I saw a furry I follow on twitter post a video, and out of curiosity I watched. The whole thing was a half hour long rant about this succubus had been completely used and abused by a furry guy 8 years her senior. And after listening to all of it I feel as though I myself just got raped. So many conflicting emotions are running through me and I feel absolutely fucking sick. I feel bad for her for having some loser not only fuck her but take her money and lie to her. And then I feel sick for being attracted to a succubus that's been ran through by a nigger furry. And I feel sick that she's so much younger than me and has had so many relationships. And I feel sick for feeding into retarded twitter furry drama and caring about some succubus on the internet. I don't know why this random thing completely ruined my day, but I feel so awful it's hard to articulate.
Why the fuck am I alive. How do people get into these awful relationships? I feel like I should be happy I've never had one, but I don't. And yet I'm more afraid than ever now of relationships and succubi. I want to get high and just forget it all but I now it'd make it worse.
fuck this gay earth
Today I saw a furry I follow on twitter post a video, and out of curiosity I watched. The whole thing was a half hour long rant about this succubus had been completely used and abused by a furry guy 8 years her senior. And after listening to all of it I feel as though I myself just got raped. So many conflicting emotions are running through me and I feel absolutely fucking sick. I feel bad for her for having some loser not only fuck her but take her money and lie to her. And then I feel sick for being attracted to a succubus that's been ran through by a nigger furry. And I feel sick that she's so much younger than me and has had so many relationships. And I feel sick for feeding into retarded twitter furry drama and caring about some succubus on the internet. I don't know why this random thing completely ruined my day, but I feel so awful it's hard to articulate.
Why the fuck am I alive. How do people get into these awful relationships? I feel like I should be happy I've never had one, but I don't. And yet I'm more afraid than ever now of relationships and succubi. I want to get high and just forget it all but I now it'd make it worse.
fuck this gay earth
>>287687
>Today I saw a furry I follow on twitter post a video, and out of curiosity I watched
>Today I saw a furry I follow on twitter
>I follow on twitter
>Today I saw a furry I follow
>The whole thing was a half hour long rant about this succubus had been completely used and abused by a furry guy 8 years her senior. And after listening to all of it I feel as though I myself just got raped. So many conflicting emotions are running through me and I feel absolutely fucking sick
>And then I feel sick for being attracted to a succubus that's been ran through by a nigger furry
>And I feel sick that she's so much younger than me and has had so many relationships
>And I feel sick for feeding into retarded twitter furry drama and caring about some succubus on the internet
What's your problem? Succubis aren't allowed here, not even "trans" men or "lesbians".
>Today I saw a furry I follow on twitter post a video, and out of curiosity I watched
>Today I saw a furry I follow on twitter
>I follow on twitter
>Today I saw a furry I follow
>The whole thing was a half hour long rant about this succubus had been completely used and abused by a furry guy 8 years her senior. And after listening to all of it I feel as though I myself just got raped. So many conflicting emotions are running through me and I feel absolutely fucking sick
>And then I feel sick for being attracted to a succubus that's been ran through by a nigger furry
>And I feel sick that she's so much younger than me and has had so many relationships
>And I feel sick for feeding into retarded twitter furry drama and caring about some succubus on the internet
What's your problem? Succubis aren't allowed here, not even "trans" men or "lesbians".
>>287689
You act like a succubi, project into the succubi and react like a succubi at the same time tries not to portrait yourself like a succubi, feels attraction for the succubi and empathetic for her suffering on men hands like you'd treat her better for understanding succubis, then compares her life to your life and feels sad for being involved on this after realizing she can't be yours, destroying your day. You are a succubi
You act like a succubi, project into the succubi and react like a succubi at the same time tries not to portrait yourself like a succubi, feels attraction for the succubi and empathetic for her suffering on men hands like you'd treat her better for understanding succubis, then compares her life to your life and feels sad for being involved on this after realizing she can't be yours, destroying your day. You are a succubi
>>287692
He just wants to promote more healthy furry relationships, like in the real animal kingdom
He just wants to promote more healthy furry relationships, like in the real animal kingdom
I just wish I could feel healthy again. I wish I could sleep, I wish I didn't hear constant ringing in my ears, I wish I didn't have constant slime in my throat. I wish my poop were a normal color. I wish I weren't so fucking crazy that I can't handle making an appointment with the doctor. Most of all I wish I would be sick enough to die or simply get better. This chronic shit is torture.
I don't understand my insomnia. I don't sleep all night and still the next day I am not sleepy. Tired, exhausted, yes, but not sleepy, although I will get sleepy if I use the internet all night. It's not mania either. Despite feeling sort of fine during the day it is still hell to me because there should be a break from consciousness. Being constantly conscious with no breaks is just soul breaking.
My mother doesn't believe me either, she thinks I am sleeping but just not aware of it, but I am awake, I remember each an every toss and turn, I look at the clock and see the hours tick by, I hear my dad get up to pee, I see the morning light start to filter in. I just don't understand it.
My mother doesn't believe me either, she thinks I am sleeping but just not aware of it, but I am awake, I remember each an every toss and turn, I look at the clock and see the hours tick by, I hear my dad get up to pee, I see the morning light start to filter in. I just don't understand it.
>>287704
I also would prefer euthanasia, I'm mentally ill and have chronic intestinal problems, antipsychotics ruined my health I can't ejaculate properly and my neck moves to the left by itself
I also would prefer euthanasia, I'm mentally ill and have chronic intestinal problems, antipsychotics ruined my health I can't ejaculate properly and my neck moves to the left by itself
>>287713
>I'm mentally ill
of course, same
>and have chronic intestinal problems
same
>antipsychotics ruined my health
ouch
>I can't ejaculate properly
damn
>and my neck moves to the left by itself
holy shit
>I'm mentally ill
of course, same
>and have chronic intestinal problems
same
>antipsychotics ruined my health
ouch
>I can't ejaculate properly
damn
>and my neck moves to the left by itself
holy shit
Mother tried to say the reason I don't have a job yet is because "God is seeing the evil in my heart." It's pathetic of me, but it made me cry. I don't know why. But I am a kind man. I actively strive to treat people kindly because I know how much it hurts to be hurt. Even my fantasies in which I try to "get revenge" leave me feeling awful. I don't want to hurt anyone. And I don't need to read the fucking Bible to understand that: you must have empathy for your fellow people. Hearing that from the succubus who abused and abuses me for being autistic just stung. I'm really not sure why.
I don't want to die but it feels like the only way out sometimes. I'm so tired.
I don't want to die but it feels like the only way out sometimes. I'm so tired.
>>287737
Evil for normgroids is just not being likeable. All normgroids believe they are good people so that leaves everyone they hate as evil and everytime they hurt someone it's morally justified somehow. lol a job is the reward for being good? Guess I should be more evil then.
Evil for normgroids is just not being likeable. All normgroids believe they are good people so that leaves everyone they hate as evil and everytime they hurt someone it's morally justified somehow. lol a job is the reward for being good? Guess I should be more evil then.
>>287737
Damn, that is a soul crushing comment. I know what it is like for parents to pressure you into doing things you are not capable of doing because of mental illness. It's not because you don't want to, you are just having difficulties, the kind of difficulties that a parent is supposed to help with, emotional support, confidence building, advice etc. When they don't do that and then they demand that you just overcome all your issues yourself and treat you like a bad person when you can't, it really stings because it's not your fault that you're having trouble adjusting to a world that is extremely difficult for you to adjust to without any help in doing so. I am sorry you had to hear that and I don't think it's pathetic at all it made you cry, it sounds only natural. I wish you the best, I really do, I hope you can move forward in life whatever that means to you, or at least just live comfortably from here on out.
Damn, that is a soul crushing comment. I know what it is like for parents to pressure you into doing things you are not capable of doing because of mental illness. It's not because you don't want to, you are just having difficulties, the kind of difficulties that a parent is supposed to help with, emotional support, confidence building, advice etc. When they don't do that and then they demand that you just overcome all your issues yourself and treat you like a bad person when you can't, it really stings because it's not your fault that you're having trouble adjusting to a world that is extremely difficult for you to adjust to without any help in doing so. I am sorry you had to hear that and I don't think it's pathetic at all it made you cry, it sounds only natural. I wish you the best, I really do, I hope you can move forward in life whatever that means to you, or at least just live comfortably from here on out.
>>287737
Tell her to read the Book of Job and inform her that she's actually committing a heresy for saying such a thing. The argument "God is punishing you for being secretly evil" is one explicitly refuted in that text.
Tell her to read the Book of Job and inform her that she's actually committing a heresy for saying such a thing. The argument "God is punishing you for being secretly evil" is one explicitly refuted in that text.
>>287737
Actually read up on autism and realize that 80% of us are unemployed and we're pretty miserable trying to live normie lives. I suggest you only go for certain jobs like truck driving or lone jobs like security.
Don't at all blame yourself, and don't worry, it does get better with age.
Actually read up on autism and realize that 80% of us are unemployed and we're pretty miserable trying to live normie lives. I suggest you only go for certain jobs like truck driving or lone jobs like security.
Don't at all blame yourself, and don't worry, it does get better with age.
>>287740
I agree with this, mostly. I’ve heard of some great Christfags but the few I know in a personal context are all completely awful and spiteful people.
I agree with this, mostly. I’ve heard of some great Christfags but the few I know in a personal context are all completely awful and spiteful people.
>>287746
Calvinism in particular seems to attract sociopathic monsters I've noticed. Pentecostalism is filled with grifting normies too.
Calvinism in particular seems to attract sociopathic monsters I've noticed. Pentecostalism is filled with grifting normies too.
>>287745
I don't want to be a normie, I just want financial independence. The jobs I'm looking at now will allow me to keep my phone and internet bill paid (paying hers too but anyway), but there's absolutely no chance of me getting to leave here on that salary, because she's already needling me about gas prices and saying I should "reimburse her" for driving me to interviews. She's going to eat into the little money I'll earn from being miserable at Dollar General or wherever I end up.
>>287739
Thank you anon, I sometimes forget parents are supposed to offer support and not just act as if they're the ones hurt by the things hurting you (and also blame you for them). I feel much calmer now.
I don't want to be a normie, I just want financial independence. The jobs I'm looking at now will allow me to keep my phone and internet bill paid (paying hers too but anyway), but there's absolutely no chance of me getting to leave here on that salary, because she's already needling me about gas prices and saying I should "reimburse her" for driving me to interviews. She's going to eat into the little money I'll earn from being miserable at Dollar General or wherever I end up.
>>287739
Thank you anon, I sometimes forget parents are supposed to offer support and not just act as if they're the ones hurt by the things hurting you (and also blame you for them). I feel much calmer now.
everyone i know online is a genius. everyone but me has things they aspire for and do and have created and im just a bug incapable of doing anything or having a single original thought…
>>287756
creativity is just imagination
it's very easy to create a work that's useful, you do not need to be a genius.
a lot of people replicate other works they are inspired by, and turn into their own unique thing, it's how youtube has existed for so long
unfortunately the motivation to try is fleeting and even "creatives" do not have the ability to pump out vast quantities of creative work that others would perceive as excellent. only under a certain strain and condition
you are telling me, you have not produced a single idea, or work that not one person has thought was good? perhaps you're underselling yourself. not everyone likes starry night for instance, it's all based on subjectivity and up in the air for comment.
creatives come with a lot of negative traits that make them insufferable to be around, they are riddled with insecurity, and should not be idolised
you are probably more useful than a creative, do not adhere to labels, they will only make you miserable
there are lots of unknown people of history that have had works and artifacts destroyed that could be deemed as "excellent" that have been lost to history, it really does not matter, just enjoy the life you have and live it to its fullest
creativity is just imagination
it's very easy to create a work that's useful, you do not need to be a genius.
a lot of people replicate other works they are inspired by, and turn into their own unique thing, it's how youtube has existed for so long
unfortunately the motivation to try is fleeting and even "creatives" do not have the ability to pump out vast quantities of creative work that others would perceive as excellent. only under a certain strain and condition
you are telling me, you have not produced a single idea, or work that not one person has thought was good? perhaps you're underselling yourself. not everyone likes starry night for instance, it's all based on subjectivity and up in the air for comment.
creatives come with a lot of negative traits that make them insufferable to be around, they are riddled with insecurity, and should not be idolised
you are probably more useful than a creative, do not adhere to labels, they will only make you miserable
there are lots of unknown people of history that have had works and artifacts destroyed that could be deemed as "excellent" that have been lost to history, it really does not matter, just enjoy the life you have and live it to its fullest
>>287749
No, shit, calvinism is ultra-authoritarian.
The same people who are calvinists are the kind of people who would torture you to death as a police officer if it was legal during an arrest.
Authoritarians aren't human by brain function, they don't possess human mental qualities. They only inhabit human bodies.
No, shit, calvinism is ultra-authoritarian.
The same people who are calvinists are the kind of people who would torture you to death as a police officer if it was legal during an arrest.
Authoritarians aren't human by brain function, they don't possess human mental qualities. They only inhabit human bodies.
>>287756
Don't discount survivor bias as a factor there - the type of folks who have the means to be successful are the ones who have some surplus 'steam' to engage with you; the larger majority of the polity don't and thus you never encounter them.
That said, your project scope was probably never calibrated correctly; you haven't made groundbreaking discoveries in materials science? You're not personally making contributions to the Sol Dyson sphere? These are probably true but why are you judging yourself against this measure in the first place?
Refocus - what, if you had 4 hours of free time and no hindrances could you do to make *your* *tomorrow* better by one iota? What specifically is preventing you from doing that?
Chaining the Sun is the far end of the scale in human accomplishment. You're not there yet, so work out where you *are* and act accordingly.
Don't discount survivor bias as a factor there - the type of folks who have the means to be successful are the ones who have some surplus 'steam' to engage with you; the larger majority of the polity don't and thus you never encounter them.
That said, your project scope was probably never calibrated correctly; you haven't made groundbreaking discoveries in materials science? You're not personally making contributions to the Sol Dyson sphere? These are probably true but why are you judging yourself against this measure in the first place?
Refocus - what, if you had 4 hours of free time and no hindrances could you do to make *your* *tomorrow* better by one iota? What specifically is preventing you from doing that?
Chaining the Sun is the far end of the scale in human accomplishment. You're not there yet, so work out where you *are* and act accordingly.
Kek, here I thought a song like "bite my tongue" by You me at Six was best left off retired after the turn of the decade..
Went to a psych by my parents request. Not what I expected. She claimed to dislike mental illness diagnosis because they are just "labels" and acted more like a self help guru or a hype life coach. I think neither my parents nor her will give up until I get a job. Guess this is the end of my little NEET adventures.
>>287786
A psych or just a therapist? One is a real doctor, the other is more free to do what they want and they have a million approaches. Honestly not the worst thing to avoid diagnosis, since they're mostly used for insurance bullshit and are just statistically grouped symptoms but there's no evidence that any of them are distinct diseases.
As long as you're going to therapy, your parents will think you're "working on yourself" and will be satisfied for some time. In their mind, you're going forward. Use the sessions to vent about stuff, maybe learn about yourself if the therapist isn't braindead and actually knows how to do her job.
A psych or just a therapist? One is a real doctor, the other is more free to do what they want and they have a million approaches. Honestly not the worst thing to avoid diagnosis, since they're mostly used for insurance bullshit and are just statistically grouped symptoms but there's no evidence that any of them are distinct diseases.
As long as you're going to therapy, your parents will think you're "working on yourself" and will be satisfied for some time. In their mind, you're going forward. Use the sessions to vent about stuff, maybe learn about yourself if the therapist isn't braindead and actually knows how to do her job.
God I hate normies so much. So fucking much. Fuck normies. Fuck them in the most painful way. I hate normalry. Fuck normal persons. As everyonew is normal. Fuck everyone. I hate this fucking shit. Fuck this shit. Fuck this. Fuck. God damn it. I want to kill nthem all. And they will never find out. I did a good job masking. Good masking for over 15 years. Fuck this shit. Society should die. I am going to fuck this shit up. I am ready. Let's go. Play times over. Universe has something in store for me. It's about time. They made me do it. I have no say in this. Goodbye.
>>287789
What happened, wizzie? Use a meditation spell to re-center yourself after dealings with normswine.
What happened, wizzie? Use a meditation spell to re-center yourself after dealings with normswine.
>>287786
Mental health diagnosis are normally formally necessary for using certain drugs or insurance. For a general therapist they are more loose guidelines of what kinds of therapy techniques or systems might work, and understanding ones own behavior, but they don’t need to formally put you in a box to help you. A lot will focus on accepting things, saying the negative judgements etc are a problem in themselves for getting to where you want.
Some will work the line poorly, and some people really just got to therapy to vent and be told “you can do this” because it works for them so hype coach is t too far of what some want.
Mental health diagnosis are normally formally necessary for using certain drugs or insurance. For a general therapist they are more loose guidelines of what kinds of therapy techniques or systems might work, and understanding ones own behavior, but they don’t need to formally put you in a box to help you. A lot will focus on accepting things, saying the negative judgements etc are a problem in themselves for getting to where you want.
Some will work the line poorly, and some people really just got to therapy to vent and be told “you can do this” because it works for them so hype coach is t too far of what some want.
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Welp
Tis better to have moshed and broken something than to have never moshed at all.
Tis better to have moshed and broken something than to have never moshed at all.
Every time I got the flu I am reminded of the horrible evil that the universe can inflict on its inhabitants. My head and gums throb with pain as I writhe on the bed. Told myself I don't need it but I eventually take paracetamol anyway. Can't imagine dealing with this in the past before medicine exist and this is just a fucking flu. The world is full of much worse suffering. Children with bone cancer, some guy that got torn to pieces in some accident. If I suffer so much with a flu I don't even want to imagine what they went through.
>>287801
The past was ass, lots of people didn't even make it to fucking 40. Life was normalized to be shit, thats why people always cope with alcohol and religion and anything to fill the void.
The past was ass, lots of people didn't even make it to fucking 40. Life was normalized to be shit, thats why people always cope with alcohol and religion and anything to fill the void.
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I wish I could reincarnate after I die. I want to forget everything about this life, and try again. I want to make my own choices, go to school, then go to an university, and then I don't know, spend the rest of my life working on cool projects or stay in academia.
I love imagining, thinking, feeling, learning, creating, exploring ideas, using my intuition and living in a world of fantasies. It's freedom to me. I have a very bad life but still feel very free and privileged.
I don't know how to explain what just happened. I lost the first and best ~20 years of my life. I think I was born to a family of very mentally ill people and they made me very mentally ill too. It was hell every day. It's faggy to say this but it's what most people would call extreme childhood abuse. Every day there was extreme suffering, I couldn't find an escape, every day I just wanted to die. I don't know how to explain this, it felt like I was in a comma, asleep inside my own body, in a state of semi-consciousness and semi-awakeness, perpetually drowsy, I don't even have memories of most of my life. Like someone forced me into the skip mode in a visual novel even though I really wanted to play the game. From what I've read, I think I might have had an extreme case of a dissociative disorder, like dissociative identity disorder or depersonalization-derealization disorder, I don't know. It's very difficult to get this across but it's like I didn't live my own life, I never had a chance to be myself like everyone else, I've never grown, my psyche is probably similar to a typical child's because I never developed mentally. I don't know, please believe me, I just think something went very wrong with my life and I think it's not my fault that I ended up like this, I think I could have been very, very different. I just wish I could go back to when I was like 4, somehow not fall into this spiral of mental illness, and just focus on things like math and cs and not care about anything else, I wanted to be myself and make my own choices and grow up and see how far I could go, that's all. I never got to live my own life but I really wanted to. I think I could have been immensely free and happy in a way most people can't imagine.
I'm starting to feel better but I think it's just too late. My life is a mess and hopeless and there's nothing nice I can do with my life anymore. This life is a prison. I wish I could fix it but it seems impossible.
I feel a ton of stuff and there are a lot of things I want to say but I can't properly express myself so I'll stop.
I'm very, very sorry for all of my behavior and all the posts I ever made.
Nevermind all of this. Forget it please. Sorry.
I love imagining, thinking, feeling, learning, creating, exploring ideas, using my intuition and living in a world of fantasies. It's freedom to me. I have a very bad life but still feel very free and privileged.
I don't know how to explain what just happened. I lost the first and best ~20 years of my life. I think I was born to a family of very mentally ill people and they made me very mentally ill too. It was hell every day. It's faggy to say this but it's what most people would call extreme childhood abuse. Every day there was extreme suffering, I couldn't find an escape, every day I just wanted to die. I don't know how to explain this, it felt like I was in a comma, asleep inside my own body, in a state of semi-consciousness and semi-awakeness, perpetually drowsy, I don't even have memories of most of my life. Like someone forced me into the skip mode in a visual novel even though I really wanted to play the game. From what I've read, I think I might have had an extreme case of a dissociative disorder, like dissociative identity disorder or depersonalization-derealization disorder, I don't know. It's very difficult to get this across but it's like I didn't live my own life, I never had a chance to be myself like everyone else, I've never grown, my psyche is probably similar to a typical child's because I never developed mentally. I don't know, please believe me, I just think something went very wrong with my life and I think it's not my fault that I ended up like this, I think I could have been very, very different. I just wish I could go back to when I was like 4, somehow not fall into this spiral of mental illness, and just focus on things like math and cs and not care about anything else, I wanted to be myself and make my own choices and grow up and see how far I could go, that's all. I never got to live my own life but I really wanted to. I think I could have been immensely free and happy in a way most people can't imagine.
I'm starting to feel better but I think it's just too late. My life is a mess and hopeless and there's nothing nice I can do with my life anymore. This life is a prison. I wish I could fix it but it seems impossible.
I feel a ton of stuff and there are a lot of things I want to say but I can't properly express myself so I'll stop.
I'm very, very sorry for all of my behavior and all the posts I ever made.
Nevermind all of this. Forget it please. Sorry.
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Sorry.
Somehow become more degenerate then before. The ideals the faith the workouts all ground to ashes. Shadow of the former self. A degenarate man who deserves nothing but death yet here i am.
>>287805
Life has always been miserable for the masses with the exception of the post 1960's west.
And even if you lucked out into the 0,001% nobility in the 1400s, you probably died to some stupid preventable cause like a rotten tooth infection or gout from too much creamy and sugary pastries at age 42.
Modern life in the west is as close to heaven as it's possible to arrange human life, as long as you have money.
Life has always been miserable for the masses with the exception of the post 1960's west.
And even if you lucked out into the 0,001% nobility in the 1400s, you probably died to some stupid preventable cause like a rotten tooth infection or gout from too much creamy and sugary pastries at age 42.
Modern life in the west is as close to heaven as it's possible to arrange human life, as long as you have money.
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…is Hathaway's new vehicle directed by David Lowery?
No?
then it's y'alls asses' turns to go through THIS shit, cheers biznatches
No?
then it's y'alls asses' turns to go through THIS shit, cheers biznatches
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I just wish I had gotten into math and cs when I was very little, like when I was 4 yo, and not care about anything else, my life could have been different, I could have been very free and happy. God please give me a chance to pull myself out of here, please please please. Nobody believes me but I think I love math and cs and always did. I feel like I didn't live my life so I wish I could die and reincarnate so I can live my life properly. I just want to die. I can't fix this life. I just wanted to live my life but this is a prison. I just want to die, I can't fix this life, there's too much embarrassment and awkwardness and I won't be ever allowed to do certain things anymore so I just want it to end. I don't know. I just like math and cs and wanted to dedicate my life to them and explore these worlds and see how far it goes. I just lost a quarter of a century of life and wish I had all my time back. I lost my life, my life was destroyed, I wish I could have it back somehow. I never got to be a child, I never got to make my own decisions, I just wanted to go to school, be a good student and go to an university, and be myself, learn a lot of things, know a lot of things, get as good at math and cs as I can, nothing else matters. I didn't have a life, I wanted very much to live my own life, but I didn't get to, and there's nothing I can do anymore. I really wish I could go back in time or reincarnate. I wanted to be myself and do what I think is right and I think I could have been happy. I think I'm too different so there's no point in saying this because I can't express what I would actually do with my life but I just wish I had a life and a chance like everyone else had. I don't know how to explain this, but it's like, just exploring the world and seeing how far everything goes and focusing and not caring about anything else, it's hard to explain it but it's genuine freedom and happiness. I don't know, I'm in despair, I could have been so happy, I just wish I had gotten into math and cs when I was little, why do I have to pay with my life for something that's not my fault. It hurts so much, I just wanted to live my life like everyone else does and make my own choices and be myself and do what I think is right, it's just too late now.
I don't know what I'm supposed to say. I can't properly express myself and no one believes me. I'll just stop communicating and assume I'm alone and abandoned and there's really nothing I can do anymore and just enjoy my life as much as I can and do what feels right even though it's pointless now. I don't know how to explain this, but I believe in something, I feel something, but I think something went wrong, and I'm not meant to be. I don't know it's so frustrating I wish I could at least communicate properly and not sound like an unironic retard. I don't know what's the point of this, I know I just sound like an unironic retard, there's nothing I can say to properly express myself so I'll stop. I'm just feeling a lot of agony and typing makes me calm down. Sorry.
I don't know what I'm supposed to say. I can't properly express myself and no one believes me. I'll just stop communicating and assume I'm alone and abandoned and there's really nothing I can do anymore and just enjoy my life as much as I can and do what feels right even though it's pointless now. I don't know how to explain this, but I believe in something, I feel something, but I think something went wrong, and I'm not meant to be. I don't know it's so frustrating I wish I could at least communicate properly and not sound like an unironic retard. I don't know what's the point of this, I know I just sound like an unironic retard, there's nothing I can say to properly express myself so I'll stop. I'm just feeling a lot of agony and typing makes me calm down. Sorry.
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Sorry for all the bad posts I ever made and all the stupid things I said. I don't think there's an equivalent to お見苦しいところをお見せして申し訳ございません in English.
I love math and cs. I'll try to dedicate my life to those two things now.
If I had started earlier, like two decades earlier, and if my life didn't suck so much, I think I would have made it very far and would be very happy. I feel like I didn't get to live my own life. There are a lot of things I feel but I'll never get to say them. I just wish I could have gotten into math and cs when I was very little and not have to care about anything else. I was in a very awful mental state.
I'll still try to do something even if it seems too late because it's what feels natural and right and it's what I love and enjoy.
I love drawing and music too but I'm old so I have to choose and math and cs seem more interesting.
I wish to go to an university. If I can't for whatever reason, I'll just do those things on my own and not expect anything in reward. But I'll probably just end up homeless and give up. I'm very hopeless.
I can't properly express myself but this is taking too much time so I'll just stop.
Just sorry for being embarrassing and obnoxious and sorry for all the posts. Please nevermind everything I said so far.
Sorry.
I love math and cs. I'll try to dedicate my life to those two things now.
If I had started earlier, like two decades earlier, and if my life didn't suck so much, I think I would have made it very far and would be very happy. I feel like I didn't get to live my own life. There are a lot of things I feel but I'll never get to say them. I just wish I could have gotten into math and cs when I was very little and not have to care about anything else. I was in a very awful mental state.
I'll still try to do something even if it seems too late because it's what feels natural and right and it's what I love and enjoy.
I love drawing and music too but I'm old so I have to choose and math and cs seem more interesting.
I wish to go to an university. If I can't for whatever reason, I'll just do those things on my own and not expect anything in reward. But I'll probably just end up homeless and give up. I'm very hopeless.
I can't properly express myself but this is taking too much time so I'll just stop.
Just sorry for being embarrassing and obnoxious and sorry for all the posts. Please nevermind everything I said so far.
Sorry.
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Sorry.
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It's getting harder each year to avoid rewatching the black and white footage I saw in 2010 of what they did in those places and how even then I felt nothing because of how fucking overrated and forcefed to death it all was since middle school…
How is it possible for me to ignore my mother's moaning and groaning for ~20 minutes but she doesn't stop moaning or groaning? Call my name all you like, I'm not coming out unless you give me a concrete reason. I get tired of yelling halfway across the house, fuck off retard.
I believe this is it for me. I am a adhd retard with no way to improve my fucked up brain. I have zero interest in anything productive and zero energy to live. My income is pathetic and it soon will dry up entirely, leaving me with nothing but bills. My country the most fucked up country in the world. Yeah, that one. Once the draft legislation passes, they are gonna hunt for 25+ yo males canon fodder and I fit the bill, since I am 26 and the butchers prefer younger meat in the ranks now. Up until now they didn't touch me since the age bracket is 27+ but it will be lowered to 25 soon. Even if it wasn't going to, I will reach 27 in May so it's GG either way.
I hope if I get drafted I'll be able to muster enough willpower to get through the basic training until they give me my own AK74 and than shoot myself in the head. There is no hope anyway and it seems better than to lose my limbs and become abominable wretch everyone pities but hates.
Grim, huh? But the worst part is that I still have stupid, ridiculous hope that things will be alright. God, I hate that! I know it won't but this pathetic 'maybe it will get better' voice brings nothing but pain and doubt.
I hope if I get drafted I'll be able to muster enough willpower to get through the basic training until they give me my own AK74 and than shoot myself in the head. There is no hope anyway and it seems better than to lose my limbs and become abominable wretch everyone pities but hates.
Grim, huh? But the worst part is that I still have stupid, ridiculous hope that things will be alright. God, I hate that! I know it won't but this pathetic 'maybe it will get better' voice brings nothing but pain and doubt.
I have a premonition the entire world will start coming apart over the next five years. I just have this sense of foreboding that this is it.
Other people I've talked to have had the same feeling too, it's weird.
Other people I've talked to have had the same feeling too, it's weird.
>>287959
Yeah same, it's has already begun. So many major conflicts all of a sudden and more to come. it's about time I say.
Yeah same, it's has already begun. So many major conflicts all of a sudden and more to come. it's about time I say.
>>287957
If you're talking about Russia, why don't you bail to somewhere in Siberia and just live in a cabin for a few years?
Fuck man, you probably do have a higher chance of survival just tailing it to the Russian Far East and living off the land, using savings to buy supplies once a month in some town.
If you're talking about Russia, why don't you bail to somewhere in Siberia and just live in a cabin for a few years?
Fuck man, you probably do have a higher chance of survival just tailing it to the Russian Far East and living off the land, using savings to buy supplies once a month in some town.
>>287957
thats a weird system, they only draft men over 27? the USA is the opposite and the max age is 25. you want young and fit jocks at max muscle for war.
thats a weird system, they only draft men over 27? the USA is the opposite and the max age is 25. you want young and fit jocks at max muscle for war.
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/jul/26/russia-conscription-maximum-age-raised-ukraine-war
Well it seems that Russia's draft age was 18-27 and now to 30. But 27 was the last year you could be drafted not the 1st. Which makes a lot more sense. Unless I misinterpreted what wiz vote.
Well it seems that Russia's draft age was 18-27 and now to 30. But 27 was the last year you could be drafted not the 1st. Which makes a lot more sense. Unless I misinterpreted what wiz vote.
https://www.reuters.com/world/europe/ukraine-draft-law-proposes-lowering-mobilisation-age-25-27-2023-12-25/
Oh wow Ukraine's draft really does start at 27. That's so opposite to the rest of the world that wants them at the muscle peak. The USA stops it at 25.
Oh wow Ukraine's draft really does start at 27. That's so opposite to the rest of the world that wants them at the muscle peak. The USA stops it at 25.
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Anyone else can barely remember their last 10 years?
I don't understand how I was able to spend so much time doing literally nothing without something in me screaming for change. I don't get how I could waste so much time on imageboards when it's clear that the content on a site with no barrier for entry or moderation is going to be bottom of the barrel. I watched a 30min documentary and that was more fulfilling than spending the entire day on imageboards reading shitposts. Why did I not do this from the start? Watch documentaries, read books, maybe even learn some skills? The fact that I could do the same thing every day as long as no one is pestering me just like that makes me feel defeatist because it must mean I am just destined to be a mindless pleb.
I don't understand how I was able to spend so much time doing literally nothing without something in me screaming for change. I don't get how I could waste so much time on imageboards when it's clear that the content on a site with no barrier for entry or moderation is going to be bottom of the barrel. I watched a 30min documentary and that was more fulfilling than spending the entire day on imageboards reading shitposts. Why did I not do this from the start? Watch documentaries, read books, maybe even learn some skills? The fact that I could do the same thing every day as long as no one is pestering me just like that makes me feel defeatist because it must mean I am just destined to be a mindless pleb.
>>287971
if it makes you feel any better there is only a fixed number of human souls, and since the industrial age made it so population exploded, 8/10 people dont have a soul. you're probably one of the soulless, so just enjoy your time and know that you can not be sent to hell. thatsits own reward if you ask me.
if it makes you feel any better there is only a fixed number of human souls, and since the industrial age made it so population exploded, 8/10 people dont have a soul. you're probably one of the soulless, so just enjoy your time and know that you can not be sent to hell. thatsits own reward if you ask me.
>>287962
succubi cry about how they got manipulated by older men into sex at 19 "practically a child!". Meanwhile men at 18 have to be the cannon fodder to move those arrows on the map of my HOI4 campaign. All the geopolitics lines of history moved by the corpses of 18 year old boys right out of high school.
succubi cry about how they got manipulated by older men into sex at 19 "practically a child!". Meanwhile men at 18 have to be the cannon fodder to move those arrows on the map of my HOI4 campaign. All the geopolitics lines of history moved by the corpses of 18 year old boys right out of high school.
>>287976
I remember visiting a ww2 cemetery during a school trip. Most people buried there were 17, 18 year olds. It was sad.
I remember visiting a ww2 cemetery during a school trip. Most people buried there were 17, 18 year olds. It was sad.
>>287972
There is only one soul but it can be split into infinite pieces. That soul is of course God. We are all God.
There is only one soul but it can be split into infinite pieces. That soul is of course God. We are all God.
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Sorry.
>>287991
to be a truly great malevolent diabolical sadistic evil you need a soul too. Satan is a fallen angel after all. Souls aren't all wishy washy feel good angels with halos and wings, Caspar the Friendly Ghost. The highest reaches of Evil, needs a Soul that willingly choosed Evil as well. A rock falling on your head isn't evil, a computer refusing to work and a Lion looking to eat isn't evil. Only souls can be evil.
to be a truly great malevolent diabolical sadistic evil you need a soul too. Satan is a fallen angel after all. Souls aren't all wishy washy feel good angels with halos and wings, Caspar the Friendly Ghost. The highest reaches of Evil, needs a Soul that willingly choosed Evil as well. A rock falling on your head isn't evil, a computer refusing to work and a Lion looking to eat isn't evil. Only souls can be evil.
Just walked through a street I hadn't been down in since the late 90s (Hell, I'm pretty sure even before 1998), meaning I certainly wasn't 8 yet when I last lived there…
All I remember is borderline claustrophobia and that my head felt lightly yet uncommonly heavy until I had to take my hat off.
All I remember is borderline claustrophobia and that my head felt lightly yet uncommonly heavy until I had to take my hat off.
I think having this >>287737 little meltdown has helped me grow against her somewhat. She's ranting and raving right now because I dared to talk back to her and it's just rolling off of me; I really don't give a shit.
Her favorite thing to say to me is "your best thinking got you right where you are right now xDDD" so I just used it against her. That's all I said, "Your best thinking though," with a smile and she got incredibly pissed off. It's mildly satisfying wizbros. Hope a job gets back to me soon though, so I can stop thinking about her in any context.
Her favorite thing to say to me is "your best thinking got you right where you are right now xDDD" so I just used it against her. That's all I said, "Your best thinking though," with a smile and she got incredibly pissed off. It's mildly satisfying wizbros. Hope a job gets back to me soon though, so I can stop thinking about her in any context.
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>>288046
The healthiest & happiest people I know come from good families. They always had financial & emotional support, while all my childhood friends who came from fucked up families (including me) did worse in life. The smart ones became societal drop-outs/burnouts and the dumb ones became criminals/drug addicts.
Ask a normal person about their family life, "Yeah it was good", ask a NEET about his family life and he'll have some horror stories. Obviously you can escape a shitty background – kinda. But like black guys escaping from the hood, it's rare. Because genes are the reason you're in that situation to begin with. And it's incredibly hard to fight your genes.
The healthiest & happiest people I know come from good families. They always had financial & emotional support, while all my childhood friends who came from fucked up families (including me) did worse in life. The smart ones became societal drop-outs/burnouts and the dumb ones became criminals/drug addicts.
Ask a normal person about their family life, "Yeah it was good", ask a NEET about his family life and he'll have some horror stories. Obviously you can escape a shitty background – kinda. But like black guys escaping from the hood, it's rare. Because genes are the reason you're in that situation to begin with. And it's incredibly hard to fight your genes.
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Yankland BEHOLD! A film that proves we are 100% against you on every single level humanly possible and are even incapable of proving otherwise now that we've gone to THIS extreme.
Me K, I always enjoyed foreign things more anyway.
Yankland NOOOOOOO! You, OF ALL PEOPLE, look!: we made "better"* version of the foreign thing you are a fan of! BOW BEFORE US, MORTAL
*10x more expensive.
Me K, I always enjoyed foreign things more anyway.
Yankland NOOOOOOO! You, OF ALL PEOPLE, look!: we made "better"* version of the foreign thing you are a fan of! BOW BEFORE US, MORTAL
*10x more expensive.
>>288064
Good families don't account for bad comings, it's up to the individual. I have a good family and yet i'm a dysfunctional member of society, trying my fucking best to fit but i just can't it's something inside or some fucking curse that's keeping me this loner i am but who cares
Good families don't account for bad comings, it's up to the individual. I have a good family and yet i'm a dysfunctional member of society, trying my fucking best to fit but i just can't it's something inside or some fucking curse that's keeping me this loner i am but who cares
I’ve never felt like I can find happiness or fulfillment in the outside world, partly because of just how subhuman I am and partly because of how much I hate it. So I became a NEET recluse and spent my time with copes like anime. But now I am feeling like this is no longer filling the void. What can I even do? Is it over for me? I’m not going to be social or get a job for aforementioned reasons. Obviously things like jew pills or therapy or trying to improve my physical health won’t fix these underlying problems. Trying to get a hobby or whatever just seems so pointless too. It’s like there’s this beautiful and pristine world which happy people naturally tap into that I am aware of but can’t reach. I can only see fleeting images of this through escapist copes. It feels like sewerslide is the only solution.
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Gonna see if I can review all of Miyazaki's films before watching Heron and the boy.
I managed to watch every single one over the holidays and had already been watching a few others for quite some time now.
I managed to watch every single one over the holidays and had already been watching a few others for quite some time now.
>>288145
relatable
>It's like there's this beautiful and pristine world which happy people naturally tap into that I am aware of but can't reach
This has been getting to me lately. I just want to know what the hell is going on in their heads. What even is happiness? I don't understand
My idea was that it was a fundamentally different experience to where happy/unhappy people can't comprehend what it's like to experience the other, but i'm not even sure if that's true
I don't know how to make sense of things otherwise
relatable
>It's like there's this beautiful and pristine world which happy people naturally tap into that I am aware of but can't reach
This has been getting to me lately. I just want to know what the hell is going on in their heads. What even is happiness? I don't understand
My idea was that it was a fundamentally different experience to where happy/unhappy people can't comprehend what it's like to experience the other, but i'm not even sure if that's true
I don't know how to make sense of things otherwise
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I'm just baffled at myself. I have no clue what I did in the last years. I have no idea how the fuck I manage to spend every day without doing literally anything.
Some people say they waste their lives with video games. But I bought a game console 4 years ago with several games and didn't even open it. Hell it could be broken for all I know and the warranty ran out. Just connecting the console and dedicating some time to play a game is somehow too much effort for me. That is just insane considering games are seen as the lowest entertainment and people even get addicted to them.
When I was in my 20s I coped with the idea that any moment I will "awaken" and get my shit together but now in my 30s I realize I won't but there is also no relief in giving up. I don't want to keep living like this but also after so many years any impulse to change feels like self-delusion. Any time I get the idea to do something like try cooking some recipe I just put it off forever. Even though I don't think you can actually waste your life since it's not a gift and there is no meaning and I have no amazing talents I still feel like spending it trapped in my "comfort zone" is a waste considering the possibilities of living in the current times. It's like having a collection of 1000 of the best movies ever made but I keep rewatching the same one over and over again. I hate sex because I find it animalistic only to live like an animal just eating and sleeping. How do I grow a backbone and start moving instead of letting myself be swept away by life?
Some people say they waste their lives with video games. But I bought a game console 4 years ago with several games and didn't even open it. Hell it could be broken for all I know and the warranty ran out. Just connecting the console and dedicating some time to play a game is somehow too much effort for me. That is just insane considering games are seen as the lowest entertainment and people even get addicted to them.
When I was in my 20s I coped with the idea that any moment I will "awaken" and get my shit together but now in my 30s I realize I won't but there is also no relief in giving up. I don't want to keep living like this but also after so many years any impulse to change feels like self-delusion. Any time I get the idea to do something like try cooking some recipe I just put it off forever. Even though I don't think you can actually waste your life since it's not a gift and there is no meaning and I have no amazing talents I still feel like spending it trapped in my "comfort zone" is a waste considering the possibilities of living in the current times. It's like having a collection of 1000 of the best movies ever made but I keep rewatching the same one over and over again. I hate sex because I find it animalistic only to live like an animal just eating and sleeping. How do I grow a backbone and start moving instead of letting myself be swept away by life?
>>288164
It's easier to do something when you have to. I'm sure once your parents are not around anymore and you don't have money to eat, let alone buy games you don't play, you'll find the backbone you're looking for.
It's easier to do something when you have to. I'm sure once your parents are not around anymore and you don't have money to eat, let alone buy games you don't play, you'll find the backbone you're looking for.
>>288164
You do know that you can start doing something at any time, right? You don't have to wait for a feeling or spontaneous bout of energy, you can literally override your mood and feelings in the moment and just do stuff.
I keep reading your posts month after month and being in such a state of inertia that you can't open up a console is just sad. In 5 years you will die from dehydration with a full glass of water in front of you.
You do know that you can start doing something at any time, right? You don't have to wait for a feeling or spontaneous bout of energy, you can literally override your mood and feelings in the moment and just do stuff.
I keep reading your posts month after month and being in such a state of inertia that you can't open up a console is just sad. In 5 years you will die from dehydration with a full glass of water in front of you.
>>288167
>you can literally override your mood and feelings
I'm pretty sure to be able to do what you need a bout of energy. Inertia is real.
>you can literally override your mood and feelings
I'm pretty sure to be able to do what you need a bout of energy. Inertia is real.
>>288168
It's not like it takes superhuman strength to open a box and set it up, you just have a feeling that you can't do it, you trust it and that's where it ends. You can decide to do it even if you don't feel like it and it's going to suck until your brain gets the idea again through experience that things can work out and it can start expecting things to work out so that opening a box doesn't seem like such an investment.
It's not like it takes superhuman strength to open a box and set it up, you just have a feeling that you can't do it, you trust it and that's where it ends. You can decide to do it even if you don't feel like it and it's going to suck until your brain gets the idea again through experience that things can work out and it can start expecting things to work out so that opening a box doesn't seem like such an investment.
>>288164
>I bought a game console 4 years ago with several games and didn't even open it.
>That is just insane considering games are seen as the lowest entertainment and people even get addicted to them.
I can relate.
But video games are objectively crap. It's very funny that imageboards are focused on the two most boring forms of entertainment, i.e. anime and video games. Indeed, movies are better, books are better. Anything is better, really. So if I were you, I would just forget about this terrible form of media; don't bother about that console, try to find more interesting things.
A good pessimistic book, for example, might even have the unexpected side effect of igniting some energy in you.
Video games are only going to make you more depressed.
Making art is a viable option too, you don't need talent, especially nowadays with all the outstanding software programs around.
>I bought a game console 4 years ago with several games and didn't even open it.
>That is just insane considering games are seen as the lowest entertainment and people even get addicted to them.
I can relate.
But video games are objectively crap. It's very funny that imageboards are focused on the two most boring forms of entertainment, i.e. anime and video games. Indeed, movies are better, books are better. Anything is better, really. So if I were you, I would just forget about this terrible form of media; don't bother about that console, try to find more interesting things.
A good pessimistic book, for example, might even have the unexpected side effect of igniting some energy in you.
Video games are only going to make you more depressed.
Making art is a viable option too, you don't need talent, especially nowadays with all the outstanding software programs around.
>>288167
>I keep reading your posts month after month
I've been here since the site was called wizardchan. I was told to fuck off here because people were annoyed by my constant whining and doom. Not doing anything and then complaining about things getting worse and everyone else getting ahead is a pathetic constant of my personality. I remember discovering bitcoin when it was at like $10 and could be mined with a midrange GPU and ALREADY was I whining about having it discovered too late and I kept repeating the same when it hit $100 and then $1000. I remeber making posts like 8 years ago about how its too late im too old.
I have no idea how I can get rid of these sabotaging thought patterns. I have 0 self-esteem and I thought of every possible insult so insulting me its not going to be a sick burn I will just go "yep" and I hate im like this. I just cant accept responsibility for being like this because why would I chose to be the laziest guy alive? To preserve energy? To do what?
Idk man I feel like a zombie that's conscious of whats happening but cant change anything. So I can explain why I act the way I act but I can't do anything about it. I'm not enjoying this. I am bored of the internet.
>I keep reading your posts month after month
I've been here since the site was called wizardchan. I was told to fuck off here because people were annoyed by my constant whining and doom. Not doing anything and then complaining about things getting worse and everyone else getting ahead is a pathetic constant of my personality. I remember discovering bitcoin when it was at like $10 and could be mined with a midrange GPU and ALREADY was I whining about having it discovered too late and I kept repeating the same when it hit $100 and then $1000. I remeber making posts like 8 years ago about how its too late im too old.
I have no idea how I can get rid of these sabotaging thought patterns. I have 0 self-esteem and I thought of every possible insult so insulting me its not going to be a sick burn I will just go "yep" and I hate im like this. I just cant accept responsibility for being like this because why would I chose to be the laziest guy alive? To preserve energy? To do what?
Idk man I feel like a zombie that's conscious of whats happening but cant change anything. So I can explain why I act the way I act but I can't do anything about it. I'm not enjoying this. I am bored of the internet.
>>288175
I don't know, man. I flip between giving you advice and telling you to give up, either way nothing changes. Maybe if someone just grabbed you and put you in a radically different environment, something would activate in you, but I don't think more thinking is going to help. You need an external force that's more compelling than some text on the screen.
I don't know, man. I flip between giving you advice and telling you to give up, either way nothing changes. Maybe if someone just grabbed you and put you in a radically different environment, something would activate in you, but I don't think more thinking is going to help. You need an external force that's more compelling than some text on the screen.
Just had "that" dream again. Nightmares about my father going crazy.
In the past nightmares, he would threaten to kill himself and then die in some violent suicide, like jumping on a spike in a video game, or jumping off a hotel roof. But this time was different. But this time, my sister and mother were there too. Instead of him killing himself, my sister took a shotgun and killed herself, then my mother did, and I ran away.
No one died in real life though. 10 years ago there was just an awful divorce, and now I don't feel emotions anymore. Wish my brain would give me some hint on how to feel emotions again, but all it does is remind me of that hell.
In the past nightmares, he would threaten to kill himself and then die in some violent suicide, like jumping on a spike in a video game, or jumping off a hotel roof. But this time was different. But this time, my sister and mother were there too. Instead of him killing himself, my sister took a shotgun and killed herself, then my mother did, and I ran away.
No one died in real life though. 10 years ago there was just an awful divorce, and now I don't feel emotions anymore. Wish my brain would give me some hint on how to feel emotions again, but all it does is remind me of that hell.
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Well, my movie theater wasted its own money to remove a film that can now only be seen in a venue more than 6 miles away, so I decided to waste MY money and reserve a ticket for said venue online anyway.
Whether I will actually "go out of my way" to walk all those miles or not is not my problem since it's obviously not MY fault the movie was abruptly removed despite having planned to see it in the original venue two days in advance.
Hopefully nobody else was in my situation and was inconvenienced by this.
Sure, I sound mad. But hey: at least I'm not bringing up the movies these geniuses thought I wanted to see instead ;D..
Whether I will actually "go out of my way" to walk all those miles or not is not my problem since it's obviously not MY fault the movie was abruptly removed despite having planned to see it in the original venue two days in advance.
Hopefully nobody else was in my situation and was inconvenienced by this.
Sure, I sound mad. But hey: at least I'm not bringing up the movies these geniuses thought I wanted to see instead ;D..
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I love math and cs.
I just wanted to say that and post a 2d pic.
Also physics and philosophy a little. Also drawing and music are cool but I have to choose my priorities. So mainly I like math and cs. I don't know how good I am, maybe I am an unironic 60 iq retard and will never be good at anything but I genuinely like these things, they make me feel very warm and happy and free. I just wish I had a lot of time to learn stuff properly but my life is a mess.
I wanted to go to school and be a good student and then go to an university and become a mathematician but my life is ruined. I wish I could reincarnate or go back in time.
I don't know what's the point in typing this. I feel too many things, there are too many things, I can't communicate properly.
Just sorry for my behavior, nevermind it all, sorry.
I just wanted to say that and post a 2d pic.
Also physics and philosophy a little. Also drawing and music are cool but I have to choose my priorities. So mainly I like math and cs. I don't know how good I am, maybe I am an unironic 60 iq retard and will never be good at anything but I genuinely like these things, they make me feel very warm and happy and free. I just wish I had a lot of time to learn stuff properly but my life is a mess.
I wanted to go to school and be a good student and then go to an university and become a mathematician but my life is ruined. I wish I could reincarnate or go back in time.
I don't know what's the point in typing this. I feel too many things, there are too many things, I can't communicate properly.
Just sorry for my behavior, nevermind it all, sorry.
I'm still in awe of this insane job market. I can't even get callbacks for janitor places, the only spots that get to me right away are fast food joints. It's so fucking over.
>>288164
>When I was in my 20s I coped with the idea that any moment I will "awaken"
I'm 24 and I've been coasting on this feeling up until last year. For me, I was passive (and often am still) because I'm waiting for life to reach a point that makes me want to live it. I really have just been bearing reality all this time…
Don't want to ramble, but for me it's the sense that I'm running out of time to do the things I want, that's waking me up a little. I could sit around, mope, do nothing but zombie apply for jobs and squander all my hobbies and interests on depression while I wait for that perfect 'me' – employed and independent – that "deserves" to do fun things, or I could just do them now and accept the life I live is the one I live. I'll either do it or I won't.
>When I was in my 20s I coped with the idea that any moment I will "awaken"
I'm 24 and I've been coasting on this feeling up until last year. For me, I was passive (and often am still) because I'm waiting for life to reach a point that makes me want to live it. I really have just been bearing reality all this time…
Don't want to ramble, but for me it's the sense that I'm running out of time to do the things I want, that's waking me up a little. I could sit around, mope, do nothing but zombie apply for jobs and squander all my hobbies and interests on depression while I wait for that perfect 'me' – employed and independent – that "deserves" to do fun things, or I could just do them now and accept the life I live is the one I live. I'll either do it or I won't.
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Yup, gonna take a break from the pictures if that seems to be the West's current method at its worst:
Using entertainment, of almost any medium, as a post-Falangist weapon that starts out subtle and subliminal before devolving into that "violence inherent in the system" that is becoming less and less implicit each year.
Or maybe I'm just a tiny bit annoyed that I saw two Japanese movies this month, and the trailers seemed to be for movies from Koreans or Greeks, aka from almost anywhere in the world.
Except Japan - -.
(I can understand the first time if it means having an open mind to other world cultures (as limited as they were to one).
The second time, however, just gives me the impression they flat out hate anime).
Using entertainment, of almost any medium, as a post-Falangist weapon that starts out subtle and subliminal before devolving into that "violence inherent in the system" that is becoming less and less implicit each year.
Or maybe I'm just a tiny bit annoyed that I saw two Japanese movies this month, and the trailers seemed to be for movies from Koreans or Greeks, aka from almost anywhere in the world.
Except Japan - -.
(I can understand the first time if it means having an open mind to other world cultures (as limited as they were to one).
The second time, however, just gives me the impression they flat out hate anime).
>>288290
>applied for a job online
>400 people also applied for this position
Do online applications even work?
>applied for a job online
>400 people also applied for this position
Do online applications even work?
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If you think I look forward to THIS year then allow me to make your palm bleed:
By the end of this month diarrhea will hit the giant fan (you know the one if you've had the displeasure of growing up in the 90s - -).
It'll get worse at the start of next month, but not to the point you can't fight it.
There will be a break in March.
All hell with reach its epitaph by the beginning of April before you regain absolute strength by the beginning of June.
The giant fan will strike back at the start of July, but you should recover by September.
October you will be victorious, though by November your enemies (such as myself) will be evenly matched, giving you a pseudobreak in December.
And then the shitass cycle repeats itself with me, justifying my cynicism.
(And feel free to point out I'm wrong. At least I'M not fucking retarded enough to continue pretending you give a proper shit - -).
By the end of this month diarrhea will hit the giant fan (you know the one if you've had the displeasure of growing up in the 90s - -).
It'll get worse at the start of next month, but not to the point you can't fight it.
There will be a break in March.
All hell with reach its epitaph by the beginning of April before you regain absolute strength by the beginning of June.
The giant fan will strike back at the start of July, but you should recover by September.
October you will be victorious, though by November your enemies (such as myself) will be evenly matched, giving you a pseudobreak in December.
And then the shitass cycle repeats itself with me, justifying my cynicism.
(And feel free to point out I'm wrong. At least I'M not fucking retarded enough to continue pretending you give a proper shit - -).
>>288312
I’m going to assume yes. I currently have an interview scheduled for this week and another upcoming…I have to do an assessment first for the second, but it’s apparently just simple SQL (even if it isn’t I’m not retarded, I can google things). Can God give me a pass for once…
I’m going to assume yes. I currently have an interview scheduled for this week and another upcoming…I have to do an assessment first for the second, but it’s apparently just simple SQL (even if it isn’t I’m not retarded, I can google things). Can God give me a pass for once…
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I Just found out that the only succubus i ever loved became an actress, she's really attractive and quite talented (not that this last one matters for success in this career at all), so i think she have good chances to ascend. It Hurts knowing that a person who used to mean a Lot to you is becoming part of a satan-worshipping cartel that treat humans like cattle. She's also young and junky, what makes she perfect to became one of the slaves from some rich jewish. I wish i could do something about it, but it's better to let people follow their dreams, so i'm Just gonna back to my animes and vidyas.(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)
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Why is anxiety so hard to bear? If i think about it the physical symptoms arent too bad. My heart beats faster and my chest feels a bit tight but its not painful. Why cant i distance myself from it emotionally like from my mild chronic headache?
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Sorry for making another post.
I don't know what's the point in typing this, I don't think anyone will read this.
I don't know where to start. There are too many things. Basically I think my life could have been a certain way. But everything went wrong, a lot of things happened that aren't my fault, and now I'm stuck here. I think I'm just defective and born into a very bad life. I think I like math and cs and I wanted to have spent my entire youth studying these things, like from a very young age, like 4, and spent my entire childhood and teenage years studying these things on my own and getting very good at them, and then go to an university and become an academic while also working on my own projects privately. I don't know how good I could be, sometimes I get a feeling that I can be very free in a way other people could never be, but I don't know, maybe I'm too braindamaged, but I think I would have been at least dedicated to the utmost. I didn't live my own life. I don't know, it's very hard to explain this, but it's like, everyone gets a childhood, everyone gets a chance, but I feel like I didn't have any of those things, it feels unfair, I think if I had had a chance like everyone else, I would have made proper use of it and not waste it. I don't know, I just wanted to go to school, study a lot and go to an university. I think I could have been very happy. I don't know, my life is very complicated, there are all sorts of problems, I'm in a complete mess, I just wish I had enough free time and finances to learn and work on projects, I wish I could dedicate my life, every single instant of it, to these sorts of things. I don't know, sorry, I'm in too much of a mess, any attempt at communicating always results in gibberish like this, it's just embarrassing brainfarts polluting the internet, I can't organize my thoughts and think of all the things I want to say, there are all sorts of things I feel and think and remember but I always end up saying these things. There are so many things I wish I could say, so many ideas I wish I could share, but it's awkward and embarrassing, I think I'll just keep things to myself and if I communicate it will be through technical stuff like articles or programs etc. But I don't think I'll make it. It's too dark. My life is already over. I really wish I could reincarnate, that I could forget all of this and start again, or at least that I could go back in time to when I was like 2 or 4 and get into math back then and not think about anything else and see how far I can go.
Sorry. Nevermind all of this. Sorry.
I don't know what's the point in typing this, I don't think anyone will read this.
I don't know where to start. There are too many things. Basically I think my life could have been a certain way. But everything went wrong, a lot of things happened that aren't my fault, and now I'm stuck here. I think I'm just defective and born into a very bad life. I think I like math and cs and I wanted to have spent my entire youth studying these things, like from a very young age, like 4, and spent my entire childhood and teenage years studying these things on my own and getting very good at them, and then go to an university and become an academic while also working on my own projects privately. I don't know how good I could be, sometimes I get a feeling that I can be very free in a way other people could never be, but I don't know, maybe I'm too braindamaged, but I think I would have been at least dedicated to the utmost. I didn't live my own life. I don't know, it's very hard to explain this, but it's like, everyone gets a childhood, everyone gets a chance, but I feel like I didn't have any of those things, it feels unfair, I think if I had had a chance like everyone else, I would have made proper use of it and not waste it. I don't know, I just wanted to go to school, study a lot and go to an university. I think I could have been very happy. I don't know, my life is very complicated, there are all sorts of problems, I'm in a complete mess, I just wish I had enough free time and finances to learn and work on projects, I wish I could dedicate my life, every single instant of it, to these sorts of things. I don't know, sorry, I'm in too much of a mess, any attempt at communicating always results in gibberish like this, it's just embarrassing brainfarts polluting the internet, I can't organize my thoughts and think of all the things I want to say, there are all sorts of things I feel and think and remember but I always end up saying these things. There are so many things I wish I could say, so many ideas I wish I could share, but it's awkward and embarrassing, I think I'll just keep things to myself and if I communicate it will be through technical stuff like articles or programs etc. But I don't think I'll make it. It's too dark. My life is already over. I really wish I could reincarnate, that I could forget all of this and start again, or at least that I could go back in time to when I was like 2 or 4 and get into math back then and not think about anything else and see how far I can go.
Sorry. Nevermind all of this. Sorry.
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Sorry.
ol ma got sick so no ones been getting food and im to afraid to go outside. i tried to go to the store but i got to afraid to actually buy anything and walked out. im hungry.
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Nevermind. Sorry. I'm very mentally ill. I'm starting to feel better little by little, I'm making a little progress every day even if it's one millimeter and even if there are setbacks but I think it's too late. I think I won't make it no matter what so I really wish I had another chance, like I wish I could go back in time or reincarnate.
I don't know, it's very complicated, there are a lot of things and I can't express myself well, I'm in a very bad mental state, so just ignore all of this. Nevermind all of this behavior and everything I said. Sorry.
I don't know, it's very complicated, there are a lot of things and I can't express myself well, I'm in a very bad mental state, so just ignore all of this. Nevermind all of this behavior and everything I said. Sorry.
i have 10 days left to live. after that i will get epilepsy from xanax withdrawal. im also permanently sick from infinite physical diseases, bankrupt and in infinite debt. Exhausted all options and too tired to go on. My only real way out is to get decapitated by a train. I only fear that I will get stuck in a hospital bed as a vegetable soon, since the agony every day has me in a never-ending mental breakdown state and i can die any moment. Even if i dont attempt its 99% certain its going to keep going worse until i end up like 72 year old husk of a destroyed body, suffering for infinite time.
>>288171
bullshit, ive had lots of fun and fulfillment from video games over the years, sourpuss
anime movies exist 😮
bullshit, ive had lots of fun and fulfillment from video games over the years, sourpuss
anime movies exist 😮
And just like that I want to stab my self in the throat
The desire to suicide comes around
The game has turned
I don’t want to play
Anymore
The desire to suicide comes around
The game has turned
I don’t want to play
Anymore
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Sorry. I'm being obnoxious and no one will read this. Tomorrow I might try something different so it might be my last attempt at communicating for some time at least.
I just want to say that I love math, and drawing and music. And that there are a lot of things that I want to create but it looks like I'll never get to.
My situation is very complicated and if I tried to talk about all my problems and everything I feel the post would become several times longer.
I had my entire youth destroyed. I wanted very much to go to an university and become an academic.
I think I'm different from what I've been. But it's too late. I didn't live my own life. I wasn't myself. I could have been very different. Sorry for being repetitive. But if I fail in this life, then I wish I had another chance, I wish I could reincarnate or go back in time, I wish I could forget of all that happened and try again. I don't understand what happened and why I turned out this way. I don't know. There are a lot of things that I feel and that I want to say. But it's embarrassing and I don't know how to communicate, I want very much to say something because I think my life went wrong and I think I can't fix it but I don't know the exact words. And most of all there are things I want to do. I want to live my life in my own way. I want to be myself, I want to learn a lot of things and create a lot of things. I think I can be different, I feel something inside me, and that I can be very devoted and free, I like to think I can be devoted and free in a way no one else can be, there are so many things that I want to do, I can't tell you what exactly, but I want to do things, I think maybe I could have a an intuition, imagination or creativity, and I have a longing to use it as much as I can, but my life is a mess and I think I'm destined to fail, like practical problems like health, finances, age, my stupid past including this, and so on, my life is hell and I can't escape it. I'm in a terrible mental state, it could be different, but I'm in a terrible mental state and can't seem to be able to fix it and get my mind on the tracks. I think I didn't get to live my own life, I just want to learn things and create big and nice things and do a lot of stuff, I don't care about anything else. I don't know what to do. I don't want to give up, I think I have something inside me, but it seems there's nothing I can do about my material situation. I don't know how to communicate, I always sound like a drooling retard. I think I could have lived a life so happy and that I could have been free, but it seems like it's over, so at least I wanted to say something, but there are too many things, every time I try saying something only gibberish comes out, I can't organize my own thoughts and properly express myself. It's all very complicated and maybe unusual so I don't think any words are enough, I wish I could show what I mean through works but I think I'll never get to.
I just want to say something but I don't know exactly what, I'm not good with words. I don't know what I'm supposed to say. I'll just stop talking like this. Sorry, just nevermind. Sorry.
I just want to say that I love math, and drawing and music. And that there are a lot of things that I want to create but it looks like I'll never get to.
My situation is very complicated and if I tried to talk about all my problems and everything I feel the post would become several times longer.
I had my entire youth destroyed. I wanted very much to go to an university and become an academic.
I think I'm different from what I've been. But it's too late. I didn't live my own life. I wasn't myself. I could have been very different. Sorry for being repetitive. But if I fail in this life, then I wish I had another chance, I wish I could reincarnate or go back in time, I wish I could forget of all that happened and try again. I don't understand what happened and why I turned out this way. I don't know. There are a lot of things that I feel and that I want to say. But it's embarrassing and I don't know how to communicate, I want very much to say something because I think my life went wrong and I think I can't fix it but I don't know the exact words. And most of all there are things I want to do. I want to live my life in my own way. I want to be myself, I want to learn a lot of things and create a lot of things. I think I can be different, I feel something inside me, and that I can be very devoted and free, I like to think I can be devoted and free in a way no one else can be, there are so many things that I want to do, I can't tell you what exactly, but I want to do things, I think maybe I could have a an intuition, imagination or creativity, and I have a longing to use it as much as I can, but my life is a mess and I think I'm destined to fail, like practical problems like health, finances, age, my stupid past including this, and so on, my life is hell and I can't escape it. I'm in a terrible mental state, it could be different, but I'm in a terrible mental state and can't seem to be able to fix it and get my mind on the tracks. I think I didn't get to live my own life, I just want to learn things and create big and nice things and do a lot of stuff, I don't care about anything else. I don't know what to do. I don't want to give up, I think I have something inside me, but it seems there's nothing I can do about my material situation. I don't know how to communicate, I always sound like a drooling retard. I think I could have lived a life so happy and that I could have been free, but it seems like it's over, so at least I wanted to say something, but there are too many things, every time I try saying something only gibberish comes out, I can't organize my own thoughts and properly express myself. It's all very complicated and maybe unusual so I don't think any words are enough, I wish I could show what I mean through works but I think I'll never get to.
I just want to say something but I don't know exactly what, I'm not good with words. I don't know what I'm supposed to say. I'll just stop talking like this. Sorry, just nevermind. Sorry.
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Nevermind.
Sorry.
Sorry.
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