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2025 The Great Depression 2. Post your pain and suffering. Previous >>294941
I'm quitting porn and the flatline is killing me. I've never felt this pain, it's like a blackhole sucking you dry. I'm trying to better myself but my mind keeps thinking "what for"? It's hell out there, maybe the dopa high/crash is all i have. God help me.
>>297969
what's the point of nofap? better yourself in concrete ways, not by denying yourself simple pleasures like masturbation. get rich, get strong, get smart. everything else is a humiliation ritual.
what's the point of nofap? better yourself in concrete ways, not by denying yourself simple pleasures like masturbation. get rich, get strong, get smart. everything else is a humiliation ritual.
>>297970
Kicking porn and healing the brain. The high dopamine rush ruins the receptors and causes alot of mood disorders. I will fap after the 90 days reboot or longer but with no porn. Porn is the evil here, atleast with me.
Kicking porn and healing the brain. The high dopamine rush ruins the receptors and causes alot of mood disorders. I will fap after the 90 days reboot or longer but with no porn. Porn is the evil here, atleast with me.
>>297968
This drawing is sad.
I truly do believe this world is a demiurgic suffering matrix that explicitly targets the softest (best) souls.
People really are being born so that they can be tortured by "god".
This drawing is sad.
I truly do believe this world is a demiurgic suffering matrix that explicitly targets the softest (best) souls.
People really are being born so that they can be tortured by "god".
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Enough of necessary analysis and precautions, yet guilt would never go away. Lighting fireworks doesn't guarantee that a sudden bird would get injured, but boiling alive a crab is 100% unnecessary (each argument is disproven). Pure anime shoujos do the former without feeling guilty. However, using sapienti sat idea to avoid someone's commotion with hasty wrong decisions as well as due to anxiety and speech stupor seems as not enough. Misancholic perception of reality. If the cat got closed by someone in the mailbox, then why would that someone go somewhere for help, if they already got the key to open it in broad daylight. Even panic wouldn't be that big for 5 minutes as inaction would lead to bigger consequences from the bystanders (not 100%, but quite possibly). Same goes for mentally challenged people putting a cat inside a mailbox. Where would they get a key and why would they do it without a problem if cars and people are everywhere there plus possible meowing?
My email got suspended till 2100. Didn't tell anybody this time as it had happened in the past and the same people were proven to have technical competence not to click on strange files/links from someone who doesn't message them first.
My email got suspended till 2100. Didn't tell anybody this time as it had happened in the past and the same people were proven to have technical competence not to click on strange files/links from someone who doesn't message them first.
>>297978
all I see is some kid having the christcuck mindvirus, instead fixing his own shit life and punishing the people who need to be punished he begs some imaginary entity to do it for him.
if you get bullied by people the only true response is violence but of course these slave religions like christianity dont want violence, they want meek, obedient people that take it up the ass and never resist.
all I see is some kid having the christcuck mindvirus, instead fixing his own shit life and punishing the people who need to be punished he begs some imaginary entity to do it for him.
if you get bullied by people the only true response is violence but of course these slave religions like christianity dont want violence, they want meek, obedient people that take it up the ass and never resist.
>>297996
while what you said about christianitiy is true, you cannot expect a child to understand any of that. he is merely a child. a kind, trusting child that through no fault of his own finds himself unexpectedly overtaken by an extremely difficult and painful situation. that he believes something that is false is not evident to him. he's only praying to whom he was taught to pray, ultimately doing what seems right and familiar to him, what seems to hold the greatest promise of help. that "god" brutally implicates young sensitive unknowing souls into a world that is likely creative of situations like these is a count against the judgement of god and not the weakness of the child for lacking the higher intelligence to find a way out. our world is something's burning theater of suffering and deception, and the placing of well-meaning yet nescient young souls into this theater cannot be reckoned the action of a good creator.
while what you said about christianitiy is true, you cannot expect a child to understand any of that. he is merely a child. a kind, trusting child that through no fault of his own finds himself unexpectedly overtaken by an extremely difficult and painful situation. that he believes something that is false is not evident to him. he's only praying to whom he was taught to pray, ultimately doing what seems right and familiar to him, what seems to hold the greatest promise of help. that "god" brutally implicates young sensitive unknowing souls into a world that is likely creative of situations like these is a count against the judgement of god and not the weakness of the child for lacking the higher intelligence to find a way out. our world is something's burning theater of suffering and deception, and the placing of well-meaning yet nescient young souls into this theater cannot be reckoned the action of a good creator.
>>297998
I dont blame the kid for it tho, for him it was impossible to know better and all he did was follow what his environment teached him so hes just doing what he learned. and thats kinda the crazy thing about this, people you trust teach you to be a weak cuck, teach you that some imaginary entity will help you if you whine hard enough into the void but of course that help never comes and while you wait your shit just keeps getting worse.
I dont blame the kid for it tho, for him it was impossible to know better and all he did was follow what his environment teached him so hes just doing what he learned. and thats kinda the crazy thing about this, people you trust teach you to be a weak cuck, teach you that some imaginary entity will help you if you whine hard enough into the void but of course that help never comes and while you wait your shit just keeps getting worse.
I've recently tried snorting heroin. It was a very light and cheap batch from the darkweb, although it had some pleasant effects.
I bought stronger one and will try intraveinous injection.
I bought stronger one and will try intraveinous injection.
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I feel so stuck in life due to my parents screwing over my life trajectory from the start. 10 years old, not allowed to go down the street and socialize, left a list of chores almost everyday after school split between my brother and i to clean an entire raised ranch. Parents would come home after work and if we didnt do a good enough job would flip out. Dad would choke us. Never given an allowance, never rewarded for good grades. Short. Confidence destroyed by bullies and own parents. Stopped applying myself in school. No college fund. Parents charged me rent as soon as I turned 18 on a retail job salary. Had no money and parents would complain that i still lived at home. Stopped getting bachelors degree to have enough money to move out at 29. Now im 32, living with my brother in a drafty trailer and working at the same call center my mom works at. LIFE IS JUST PEACHY.
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how nice it would be to reject society and go live in alaska or whatever… Hunt your own food and sell the pelts or whatever. It is also a job but at least you are a free man. Or be a farmer but then you also have to pay for you land. And I dont own land nor have any money
>>298040
Not that much of an achievement. Like yay i get bills and to do taxes and spend my money on mediocre media. Woo
Not that much of an achievement. Like yay i get bills and to do taxes and spend my money on mediocre media. Woo
>>298056
Because your brain is running with a ratio of chemicals and connections that allow you to desire the positive aspects of a relationship, while the neural functions necessary for considering the downsides and troubles with companionship are being subdued.
Desired the good is fine but don't let it blind you to the bad. These feelings will pass.
Because your brain is running with a ratio of chemicals and connections that allow you to desire the positive aspects of a relationship, while the neural functions necessary for considering the downsides and troubles with companionship are being subdued.
Desired the good is fine but don't let it blind you to the bad. These feelings will pass.
Went for a 3 hour walk. It was good. At some point I was lost in the woods where there was no way for walking.
I swear normies are either stupid or stupid assholes. All I want to do is drive home from work in one fucking piece in this shit weather without some dumbfuck up my ass.
The most absolutely infuriating thing is when my mom tries to gaslight everyone into just pretending like I'm not a mentally ill cripple. She will just start asking me if I can help pay the bills and what job am I gonna get as if I'm not a fucking cripple. It is so god damn fucking infuriating. She then acts liKe I'm some sort of monster for getting angry at her and reminding her that I'm not just living here with her without a job of my own volition. I'm doing it because I'm mentally ill to the point of being crippled and you nagging me to get a job is not going to magically fix my mental illness and make me a normalfag.
>>297968
nothing ashames me more than being a virgin over 30 and experiencing thunderous loneliness. I am unworthy of being called a wizard and in need of finding a new place
nothing ashames me more than being a virgin over 30 and experiencing thunderous loneliness. I am unworthy of being called a wizard and in need of finding a new place
I wanna go back to school to get my bachelor's degree but i'm dreading being the older washed up guy. I'll be between 19-20 year olds and i'm
39. God help me, why did i waste so much fucking time. Why didn't anyone say something?? I hope for WW3, please come to Europe. Let Russia kill us all.
39. God help me, why did i waste so much fucking time. Why didn't anyone say something?? I hope for WW3, please come to Europe. Let Russia kill us all.
>>298121
what kind of degree is it? instead of wasting time and money, focus on building marketable skills. if you're on the computer, then learn coding, video editing, graphics design, system administration etc. you could become decent in 6-12 months if you put in the effort. that's one edge you can have against zoomers, they apparently suck at using computers and struggle to understand how folders work.
what kind of degree is it? instead of wasting time and money, focus on building marketable skills. if you're on the computer, then learn coding, video editing, graphics design, system administration etc. you could become decent in 6-12 months if you put in the effort. that's one edge you can have against zoomers, they apparently suck at using computers and struggle to understand how folders work.
>>298122
Accounting degree. The job market here is lousy, every job is asking for a Bachelor's degree. Doesn't matter if you have the experience, you need that paper to even apply. Fucksake. I'm not that good with coding or video editing , i mean i could be but i won't have my degree so i can't apply to these kind of jobs. Atleast death is certain.
Accounting degree. The job market here is lousy, every job is asking for a Bachelor's degree. Doesn't matter if you have the experience, you need that paper to even apply. Fucksake. I'm not that good with coding or video editing , i mean i could be but i won't have my degree so i can't apply to these kind of jobs. Atleast death is certain.
>>298123
the advantage of computer skills is that you can apply to jobs anywhere and work remotely. you also don't need a degree, just a portfolio or easy way to demonstrate your skills.
the advantage of computer skills is that you can apply to jobs anywhere and work remotely. you also don't need a degree, just a portfolio or easy way to demonstrate your skills.
>>298124
Maybe 1% of programmers are skilled enough to have a viable portfolio that acts as a CV.
Let's not kid ourselves and pretend everyone with some "IT skills" can just pick up jobs at will, let alone work remotely.
Maybe 1% of programmers are skilled enough to have a viable portfolio that acts as a CV.
Let's not kid ourselves and pretend everyone with some "IT skills" can just pick up jobs at will, let alone work remotely.
>>298125
The wage tax slave mindset that every skill revolves around acquiring a McJob is very limiting
The wage tax slave mindset that every skill revolves around acquiring a McJob is very limiting
>>298125
not really. most jobs won't require a degree unless it's a very specialized position or some kind of government contract. a technical interview and some personal projects are much better at demonstrating that you actually know how to code.
not really. most jobs won't require a degree unless it's a very specialized position or some kind of government contract. a technical interview and some personal projects are much better at demonstrating that you actually know how to code.
>>298128
I didn't say they need a degree. Most *really* good highly paid programmers are self taught.
I said 99% of people aren't good enough at programming to be hired at any company solely by showcasing a portfolio of their programming achievements.
The very top of the top don't even need that, they just link the employer to their GitHub repository or Linux DriverProject contributions.
The vast, vast majority of programmers are school-taught code monkeys with zero creativity from India and a few western countries. They will need to compete with a thousand applicants to get a low tier entry job.
Programming positions in 2025 aren't as ubiquitous as you think. Especially if you want something that pays the mortgage instead of unpaid interning.
I didn't say they need a degree. Most *really* good highly paid programmers are self taught.
I said 99% of people aren't good enough at programming to be hired at any company solely by showcasing a portfolio of their programming achievements.
The very top of the top don't even need that, they just link the employer to their GitHub repository or Linux DriverProject contributions.
The vast, vast majority of programmers are school-taught code monkeys with zero creativity from India and a few western countries. They will need to compete with a thousand applicants to get a low tier entry job.
Programming positions in 2025 aren't as ubiquitous as you think. Especially if you want something that pays the mortgage instead of unpaid interning.
>>298134
Haha. He'll just go for another 'not really' 'something or other' nonsense despite what you say being something so perfectly self-evident to anyone in the real world.
It's pointless explaining anything to these type of people. Carry on with your day anon.
Haha. He'll just go for another 'not really' 'something or other' nonsense despite what you say being something so perfectly self-evident to anyone in the real world.
It's pointless explaining anything to these type of people. Carry on with your day anon.
>>298134
you seem out of touch. programming work is in ever higher demand and not everyone needs a top 1% programmer for their projects. web development for example is really accessible to get into and they even hire bootcamp monkeys. unless you're applying to google or other meme corporations that have 7 rounds of interviews, it's really not that hard to find a decent job. one technical interview is enough to gauge whether you know what you're talking about or not. a simple fizzbuzz-tier problem can filter the majority of non-coders that really can't deal with algorithmic thinking. you don't need some groundbreaking cutting-edge open-source project to get hired, the purpose is mostly to show that you can build something and the interviewer will ask you a bunch of questions on how you solved particular problems. if they need you to be competent in specific tools and paradigms, then having a shipped project or some kind of previous experience helps.
the landscape has changed quite a lot. there's so much online content that being a self-taught programmer isn't rare or impressive anymore, it's expected because what they teach you at university is how to do computer science, not how to be a programmer.
you seem out of touch. programming work is in ever higher demand and not everyone needs a top 1% programmer for their projects. web development for example is really accessible to get into and they even hire bootcamp monkeys. unless you're applying to google or other meme corporations that have 7 rounds of interviews, it's really not that hard to find a decent job. one technical interview is enough to gauge whether you know what you're talking about or not. a simple fizzbuzz-tier problem can filter the majority of non-coders that really can't deal with algorithmic thinking. you don't need some groundbreaking cutting-edge open-source project to get hired, the purpose is mostly to show that you can build something and the interviewer will ask you a bunch of questions on how you solved particular problems. if they need you to be competent in specific tools and paradigms, then having a shipped project or some kind of previous experience helps.
the landscape has changed quite a lot. there's so much online content that being a self-taught programmer isn't rare or impressive anymore, it's expected because what they teach you at university is how to do computer science, not how to be a programmer.
>>298137
Why are you writing this stupid bullshit man? are you a bot? Fucking everyone knows the market is utterly fucked for junior developers and "bootcamp monkeys" because there are millions of them being churned out every month, you're not fooling anyone
Why are you writing this stupid bullshit man? are you a bot? Fucking everyone knows the market is utterly fucked for junior developers and "bootcamp monkeys" because there are millions of them being churned out every month, you're not fooling anyone
>>298138
i'm literally in the industry tho. sorry you're having a hard time getting hired, but believing that only 1% of programmers have the talent to get a decent job is retarded. you're profoundly out of touch, my guy.
i'm literally in the industry tho. sorry you're having a hard time getting hired, but believing that only 1% of programmers have the talent to get a decent job is retarded. you're profoundly out of touch, my guy.
>>298139
i'm not even trying to get hired. i've simply looked at the data on unemployment levels and seen what other people are sayimg. People with masters and PhDs are delivering food and working at grocery store checkouts because there are no tech jobs and nobody wants to train juniors. If you are really in the industry i dont know what bubble you're in
i'm not even trying to get hired. i've simply looked at the data on unemployment levels and seen what other people are sayimg. People with masters and PhDs are delivering food and working at grocery store checkouts because there are no tech jobs and nobody wants to train juniors. If you are really in the industry i dont know what bubble you're in
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I guess the market is over-saturated with certain groups, youtube runs and looks like shit since that CEO took over
>>298148
>People with masters and PhDs are delivering food and working at grocery store checkouts because there are no tech jobs
because they're idiots that spent 10 years in school thinking that it matters. no one is training juniors because all you need is to open up youtube and search for one of the billion tutorials available for free. i'm not even talking about web dev, but literally any computer topic in existence.
you even have sites like this that give you a roadmap to follow:
https://roadmap.sh/
>People with masters and PhDs are delivering food and working at grocery store checkouts because there are no tech jobs
because they're idiots that spent 10 years in school thinking that it matters. no one is training juniors because all you need is to open up youtube and search for one of the billion tutorials available for free. i'm not even talking about web dev, but literally any computer topic in existence.
you even have sites like this that give you a roadmap to follow:
https://roadmap.sh/
>>298150
idiots that learned from a youtube tutorial are even worse than the university graduates and there are millions of them. Hiring is a nightmare now too because of these people, you cant trust any of them.
idiots that learned from a youtube tutorial are even worse than the university graduates and there are millions of them. Hiring is a nightmare now too because of these people, you cant trust any of them.
>>298152
Python is like the ebonics of programming languages, every idiot learns it and they're all easily replaceable
Python is like the ebonics of programming languages, every idiot learns it and they're all easily replaceable
>>298142
web deving is web deving. making a blog or maintaining a site is not programming.
otherwise, on that note, every single html "webmaster" in the 2000s was a 'programmer' as well.
web deving is web deving. making a blog or maintaining a site is not programming.
otherwise, on that note, every single html "webmaster" in the 2000s was a 'programmer' as well.
>>298154
webdev is a lot more than just html and it has changed a lot since 2000s, gramps. it's not just grandma's recipe website on there anymore, you have businesses that rely on these massive and complex applications being up 24/7. you rarely have a single app or website, everything is a distributed network of API microservices communicating with each other so that the work can be split into self-contained chunks, tested, deployed and scaled easily. there are various different roles and a lot of people involved.
webdev is a lot more than just html and it has changed a lot since 2000s, gramps. it's not just grandma's recipe website on there anymore, you have businesses that rely on these massive and complex applications being up 24/7. you rarely have a single app or website, everything is a distributed network of API microservices communicating with each other so that the work can be split into self-contained chunks, tested, deployed and scaled easily. there are various different roles and a lot of people involved.
>>298157
engineers have to continue looking busy, even though the site was already perfected 20 years ago and theres nothing else to do.
engineers have to continue looking busy, even though the site was already perfected 20 years ago and theres nothing else to do.
>>298175
This is the problem of modern technology. Instead of just allowing something to be finished, they always have to change shit just for the sake of changing shit to make investors think they're growing.
This is the problem of modern technology. Instead of just allowing something to be finished, they always have to change shit just for the sake of changing shit to make investors think they're growing.
How can you forgive your parents for bringing you into existence? There's no excuse for this. Continuing the slavery that is being alive, having to endure the shit show that is being around other people, experiencing the horrors that come with being conscious, witnessing the injustice that is pushed by nature itself, having to deal with deception by ideas that don't even exist just so you are forced to behave and exist like others want you to, getting to know that there's absolutely no remorse or good will but only envy, greed, selfishness, hatred and contempt which you then gradually and increasingly all adopt for yourself just to survive in a life that you genuinely despise.
>>298257
Then just kill yourself, it's not that hard or uncomfy with a bed, a tank of nitrogen gas, a bag/cpap mask or even a small acrylic "showcase" to put your head in if you want to be really fancy and not have a plastic bag directly on your face
I'd let the gas flow, get into bed and then breathe out calmly after the bag/space has been saturated
I'll fall unconcious in a few dozen seconds without hypercapnic response like many welders/shipbuilders/industrial workers and then be braindead after 10 minutes and well beyond any saving after 20
Or pentobarbital, that's the most elegant, if I understand correctly it's literally a glass of water/chem to drink and then sleep/brain death by chem bypassing blood/brain barrier and deactivating the stem
That stuff is extremely hard to get though
Chances are though, that you have some people, things and feelings that attach you to life and this world just like me
So I am currently trying to change my outlook on life and just make it bearable like I try to make my ideal suicide method bearable and at least put the kind of effort into that that I did into seeking death
Then just kill yourself, it's not that hard or uncomfy with a bed, a tank of nitrogen gas, a bag/cpap mask or even a small acrylic "showcase" to put your head in if you want to be really fancy and not have a plastic bag directly on your face
I'd let the gas flow, get into bed and then breathe out calmly after the bag/space has been saturated
I'll fall unconcious in a few dozen seconds without hypercapnic response like many welders/shipbuilders/industrial workers and then be braindead after 10 minutes and well beyond any saving after 20
Or pentobarbital, that's the most elegant, if I understand correctly it's literally a glass of water/chem to drink and then sleep/brain death by chem bypassing blood/brain barrier and deactivating the stem
That stuff is extremely hard to get though
Chances are though, that you have some people, things and feelings that attach you to life and this world just like me
So I am currently trying to change my outlook on life and just make it bearable like I try to make my ideal suicide method bearable and at least put the kind of effort into that that I did into seeking death
>>298257
They didn't know what they were doing, nobody on this earth does. It's all ape instinct stuff.
They didn't know what they were doing, nobody on this earth does. It's all ape instinct stuff.
>>298257
I can't speak for my father, but my mother had good intentions and tried to be a good mother to me. Even if my life is shit now, I have happy memories from my childhood and from when she was alive. I won't deny there have been times that I've resented that I was born, but ultimately I don't think it's worth being angry at someone else over it. Will that make me feel better? No, I'll just feel worse and it will taint some of the good that I was able to experience in the past. I'd probably feel differently if she was abusive or something, though, so this is just speaking from my personal experience.
I can't speak for my father, but my mother had good intentions and tried to be a good mother to me. Even if my life is shit now, I have happy memories from my childhood and from when she was alive. I won't deny there have been times that I've resented that I was born, but ultimately I don't think it's worth being angry at someone else over it. Will that make me feel better? No, I'll just feel worse and it will taint some of the good that I was able to experience in the past. I'd probably feel differently if she was abusive or something, though, so this is just speaking from my personal experience.
My pc started crashing and freezing and shit and for a while it was happening infrequently enough that I just ignored it, but then it became so bad I couldn't even load into windows no matter what I did, so I had to reset windows and lost all my passwords and stuff. Such a pain in the ass. Most of them I can just reset through my email but still it's annoying. I really should get better about doing some sort of backup or something or trying to save my passwords somewhere else other than in my browser.
I hate being a mentally ill cripple whose only option is to live with my parents, constantly bowing and scraping to keep them happy so they don't cut off support. I hate being crippled and reliant on others. I just wish I could function in the world like a normal person.
I think I'm starting to lose it. I'm considering chopping off a finger in front of my mother just so that she understands that I am not mentally well. I fantasize about telling her that every time she forgets that I am a mentally ill cripple and starts treating me like I'm just lazy or something, I'm going to go and cut off another finger. I didn't choose this.
>>298444
What the fuck? Have you cut a finger off before? Why aren’t you taking care of yourself? What is the self-harm about?
What the fuck? Have you cut a finger off before? Why aren’t you taking care of yourself? What is the self-harm about?
I wish life were like The Man in the High Castle and you could imagine yourself into another better version of reality. Maybe I am just not imagining hard enough. I have only ever imagined myself into a worse version of reality that made me believe I was actually trapped in Hell and being tortured so at least I am not experiencing that anymore.
i dont know what to do anymore. I go in circles, believe in that, believe this. I can't consume like in the past, escapism fails. i think i'm endgame. My saves are less and less, i might not save anymore and get ready.
Ive realized im alone because im a "bad" person. Im not actually an ill meaning person, I just couldnt give the slightest fuck about others even if you pointed a gun at my head. Is that really so bad? So it seems, because both normalniggers and outcasts take great offense to that. Man, if only they knew how little I care about even myself.
also not really related but my testicles hurt, the kind of blueball hurt except I havent even edged for weeks…
also not really related but my testicles hurt, the kind of blueball hurt except I havent even edged for weeks…
>>298466
>schizotypical?
No. Undiagnosed as far as I know. Why? Is that a common schizotypical problem or situation?
>schizotypical?
No. Undiagnosed as far as I know. Why? Is that a common schizotypical problem or situation?
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>>298460
To not mask and not talking to someone they way they like is a thing.
To let a rotting man dwelling within his own ignorance while he despairs for a way out is something none of us should ever forgive. We are like this, because normies have manipulated and toyed the researches and ideas and politics of so many wizards before us in history.
A legacy that is often whispered amongst conspirationist circles while the masses fall for the deceits of institutions. I feel it personal, like "my thing, my war, my inheritance".
Yet some people around here has not much wizardry leveling beyond being a virgin without ideas to socialize and then assuming their fate.
To not mask and not talking to someone they way they like is a thing.
To let a rotting man dwelling within his own ignorance while he despairs for a way out is something none of us should ever forgive. We are like this, because normies have manipulated and toyed the researches and ideas and politics of so many wizards before us in history.
A legacy that is often whispered amongst conspirationist circles while the masses fall for the deceits of institutions. I feel it personal, like "my thing, my war, my inheritance".
Yet some people around here has not much wizardry leveling beyond being a virgin without ideas to socialize and then assuming their fate.
>>298394
Sorry to hear that wiz. Lately I've been having a weird problem with my PC were it takes like 3-4 minutes to boot up completely, but once it's done it runs perfectly fine. It's been like this for about a month and I'm not really sure what's causing it, so right now I'm sort of ignoring it but I do still worry about it a bit.
>>298460
In my case it isn't that I don't care about others, and in fact I'm usually fairly kind to others, rather I realized that no one will care for or respect another person in any way unless that person capitulates to the expectations placed upon them by society. So even in my case, my kindness only goes so far before I'm ultimately rejected for not being 'normal enough.' That's why even if people like us never hurt anyone else we are still outcast and seen as 'bad' simply because we don't bend over backwards to assimilate to the majority and 'fit in.'
>my testicles hurt, the kind of blueball hurt except I havent even edged for weeks…
How much of your day is spent sitting down? How good is your posture?
Sorry to hear that wiz. Lately I've been having a weird problem with my PC were it takes like 3-4 minutes to boot up completely, but once it's done it runs perfectly fine. It's been like this for about a month and I'm not really sure what's causing it, so right now I'm sort of ignoring it but I do still worry about it a bit.
>>298460
In my case it isn't that I don't care about others, and in fact I'm usually fairly kind to others, rather I realized that no one will care for or respect another person in any way unless that person capitulates to the expectations placed upon them by society. So even in my case, my kindness only goes so far before I'm ultimately rejected for not being 'normal enough.' That's why even if people like us never hurt anyone else we are still outcast and seen as 'bad' simply because we don't bend over backwards to assimilate to the majority and 'fit in.'
>my testicles hurt, the kind of blueball hurt except I havent even edged for weeks…
How much of your day is spent sitting down? How good is your posture?
I love living with my abusive parents in my 30s. Every day I have to wake up and interact with the people who neglected and manipulated me my entire life.
I feel so much buried rage but there's practically nothing I can do about it. I can scream, throw my shit around, accuse them, cry, go catatonic, sleep for 14 hours.whatever, it makes no difference. It's set in stone, carved in marble, etched into the bedrock of the fucking planet - I can't do anything.
I feel so much buried rage but there's practically nothing I can do about it. I can scream, throw my shit around, accuse them, cry, go catatonic, sleep for 14 hours.whatever, it makes no difference. It's set in stone, carved in marble, etched into the bedrock of the fucking planet - I can't do anything.
>>298522
Have you ever truly asked yourself why things are the way they are? How could you make a meaningful difference towards others in the world? I kinda have an answer for the second question, what I do not have is time to act it out. The whole "a person cannot change the world but it can change the world of another person". Friendship basically. Yeah, its true. And yet I just dont care anymore, because for that to have any effect you have to stick around your hypothetical friend for a long time. I dont have that time.
Any answer other than that is just doing a half-ass job. Id rather not lie to myself, nor to you, my friend.
>>298546
>that no one will care for or respect another person in any way unless that person capitulates to the expectations placed upon them by society.
This is generally true unless youre some sort of savant that has something to back up his non-conforming attitude.
>because we don't bend over backwards to assimilate to the majority and 'fit in.'
Yeah, but I dont even care about my family or really any living being to be honest. My "care" only goes as far as it becomes a mutually beneficial action. Since most people tend to already have a group or tribe as we become older, or are so unfit that they cannot find one, this attitude becomes moot for me too. Its like I dont have the neuronal paths to do that.
>How much of your day is spent sitting down? How good is your posture?
Most of it, but its been like that since I became a neet long ago, I also walk a lot and can tell when im sitting too long because my tailbone and lower back hurt too, but right now they dont. Imagine dying of ball cancer, nofap cultists will hear from me.
Have you ever truly asked yourself why things are the way they are? How could you make a meaningful difference towards others in the world? I kinda have an answer for the second question, what I do not have is time to act it out. The whole "a person cannot change the world but it can change the world of another person". Friendship basically. Yeah, its true. And yet I just dont care anymore, because for that to have any effect you have to stick around your hypothetical friend for a long time. I dont have that time.
Any answer other than that is just doing a half-ass job. Id rather not lie to myself, nor to you, my friend.
>>298546
>that no one will care for or respect another person in any way unless that person capitulates to the expectations placed upon them by society.
This is generally true unless youre some sort of savant that has something to back up his non-conforming attitude.
>because we don't bend over backwards to assimilate to the majority and 'fit in.'
Yeah, but I dont even care about my family or really any living being to be honest. My "care" only goes as far as it becomes a mutually beneficial action. Since most people tend to already have a group or tribe as we become older, or are so unfit that they cannot find one, this attitude becomes moot for me too. Its like I dont have the neuronal paths to do that.
>How much of your day is spent sitting down? How good is your posture?
Most of it, but its been like that since I became a neet long ago, I also walk a lot and can tell when im sitting too long because my tailbone and lower back hurt too, but right now they dont. Imagine dying of ball cancer, nofap cultists will hear from me.
Since starting semen retention, i've started crying out of nowhere. Like my body reacts to all the shit i numbed with porn for like 16 years. It's ok to feel bad, it's ok to feel uncomfortable, it's ok to want, it's ok to regret but you need to feel it through. Thank you to the wizards who posted about SR and more importantly about porn being the main source of suffering in my life. I'm gonna keep walking because there is nothing else to do.
>>298598
You mean nofap? This post is the only thing that ever convinced me. If emotions do come back with nofap then it's worth a try. Does it really? Will nofap make me cry? Its all I ever wanted. How long do I need to do it?
You mean nofap? This post is the only thing that ever convinced me. If emotions do come back with nofap then it's worth a try. Does it really? Will nofap make me cry? Its all I ever wanted. How long do I need to do it?
>>298611
I did for 2 months and didn't cry once. No more emotions felt, although it wasn't bad, it has some advantages. I'm not sure what that wiz is up to.
I did for 2 months and didn't cry once. No more emotions felt, although it wasn't bad, it has some advantages. I'm not sure what that wiz is up to.
at this point we should ask is there anything semen retention can't do? seriously, we have wizzas having religious experiences and healing past trauma because they didn't touch their dick for a week. doctors should start prescribing cock cages to cure cancer patients.
>>298598
Trust me bro it's worth it in the long run. Some of the best moments of my life in the last 10 years were during long persionds of SR.
Trust me bro it's worth it in the long run. Some of the best moments of my life in the last 10 years were during long persionds of SR.
>>298625
It is getting out of hand the last few weeks. I would agree that it's more of a cult and that fapping for most wizzes does not play a big role. You just do it to get it over with. The worst kind of cultists are the religious ones though. Here's something to think about for the religious fags:
you have no idea how full and intense it feels to live like this without doing much at all. ohhhh christ save me, and then you jerk off on disgusting anime succubi, sometimes you're trying to pray and you feel lust so you're like oh no please stop the sinful thoughts, but then you're like, I can't keep praying while I feel horny, so I'll jerk off, and then you write the filthiest smut and jerk off to it, and say wicked shit on 4chan while you're at it, calling people niggers and telling them to kill themselves, then you clutch your cross and go ohhhh I am such a sinner and you whip yourself, I'm a stupid pig, ohh I'm such a filthy pig, and then you see someone asking for charity and go euughh fuck off nigger but then you're like oh ohhhh the world is so corrupt and hateful, and I'm the most hateful swine, shameful and unclean, SAVE ME LORD, and you whip yourself again, but it's sort of a turn-on, then you drink and shitpost, and then you despise yourself because you are a slave to vice, ohhh christ have mercy while I have another glass.
You know how Gollum has constant conversations with Smeagol? It's like that, you never get bored. Truly a high IQ way to live.
It is getting out of hand the last few weeks. I would agree that it's more of a cult and that fapping for most wizzes does not play a big role. You just do it to get it over with. The worst kind of cultists are the religious ones though. Here's something to think about for the religious fags:
you have no idea how full and intense it feels to live like this without doing much at all. ohhhh christ save me, and then you jerk off on disgusting anime succubi, sometimes you're trying to pray and you feel lust so you're like oh no please stop the sinful thoughts, but then you're like, I can't keep praying while I feel horny, so I'll jerk off, and then you write the filthiest smut and jerk off to it, and say wicked shit on 4chan while you're at it, calling people niggers and telling them to kill themselves, then you clutch your cross and go ohhhh I am such a sinner and you whip yourself, I'm a stupid pig, ohh I'm such a filthy pig, and then you see someone asking for charity and go euughh fuck off nigger but then you're like oh ohhhh the world is so corrupt and hateful, and I'm the most hateful swine, shameful and unclean, SAVE ME LORD, and you whip yourself again, but it's sort of a turn-on, then you drink and shitpost, and then you despise yourself because you are a slave to vice, ohhh christ have mercy while I have another glass.
You know how Gollum has constant conversations with Smeagol? It's like that, you never get bored. Truly a high IQ way to live.
you know wizchan is meant to get burned entirely when mods allow shitstorms like this cuckoldery >>298628
I went for a 3 hours walk and figured I have 3 goals in life I remotely care about.
1) I need money to build a new pc. I'm nothing without PC, so I need it. I want to play new games, be safe that it won't randomly die or crash some day, I want to to be able to run software, lots of tabs, etc etc.
2) I want to feel feelings again. I haven't felt anything good (or even sadness) in 7-8 years. I want to restore emotions, to cry at sad stuff, to be excited for new stuff I seem to like, I want to feel shades of human existence.
3) I want to feel strength in the body. I want to feel like I can do… something with my body at all. I want to feel my arms being strong, my body being durable.
Currently I'm a NEET who wants to kill myself with no job and no money. What's the best way to work toward these 3 goals?
1) I need money to build a new pc. I'm nothing without PC, so I need it. I want to play new games, be safe that it won't randomly die or crash some day, I want to to be able to run software, lots of tabs, etc etc.
2) I want to feel feelings again. I haven't felt anything good (or even sadness) in 7-8 years. I want to restore emotions, to cry at sad stuff, to be excited for new stuff I seem to like, I want to feel shades of human existence.
3) I want to feel strength in the body. I want to feel like I can do… something with my body at all. I want to feel my arms being strong, my body being durable.
Currently I'm a NEET who wants to kill myself with no job and no money. What's the best way to work toward these 3 goals?
Executive Dysfunction ruined my life. If I try to do anything productive I fall asleep(called Intrusive Sleep). I will nearly pass out at my desk if I try to do anything my brain thinks is "boring"
I've tried meds. They don't work. Tried talking to doctors. They don't care. For the love of God what the fuck is wrong with me.
I've tried meds. They don't work. Tried talking to doctors. They don't care. For the love of God what the fuck is wrong with me.
A common theme amongst 'loser' and 'outcast' individuals is that they think that the succesful people get rewarded for being bad, while they get punished for being good. While theres some truth to that I think that a more accurate view of it is that succesful people dont really give their actions much thought, they just do stuff. While the 'loser' feels wronged because he gets taken advantage of because he is good while really its just him hesitating and taking life too seriously.
>>298625
SR is good if you have genuine nutritional deficiencies, which is the case for a lot of the type of people that post here.
>>298628
Good point.
>>298633
>Executive Dysfunction
Same, it took me getting seriously and possibly permanently ill to recognize it and do something about it. But, BUT!!!!!!!!!!! I think I finally regained enough attention span to be able to watch a 3 hour movie or play videogames. 3 years ago thatd be literally impossible for me. There is a lot going on with your brain, your health and your actual thought patterns. I think im getting the hang of it when it comes to my particular health and situation. My advice wouldnt be of use to others I just want you guys to know its possible to get better (although the absolute state of my life seriously makes me wonder if there is any point in trying this late in the game..)
>>298625
SR is good if you have genuine nutritional deficiencies, which is the case for a lot of the type of people that post here.
>>298628
Good point.
>>298633
>Executive Dysfunction
Same, it took me getting seriously and possibly permanently ill to recognize it and do something about it. But, BUT!!!!!!!!!!! I think I finally regained enough attention span to be able to watch a 3 hour movie or play videogames. 3 years ago thatd be literally impossible for me. There is a lot going on with your brain, your health and your actual thought patterns. I think im getting the hang of it when it comes to my particular health and situation. My advice wouldnt be of use to others I just want you guys to know its possible to get better (although the absolute state of my life seriously makes me wonder if there is any point in trying this late in the game..)
The TV channel I used to watch with Frazier, Becker, Friends, The Big Bang Theory, etc. got cancelled due to being unpopular. It got substituted by another travel channel. I used to watch those sitcoms (no support to their ideology obviously) while going thru my wresting screenshots on my tablet. Now it's gone.
RAW Talk and The SmackDown LowDown post-shows were cancelled. RAW Recap video podcast became a substitute. Hosts constantly used backstage terms, breaking immersion while having an interview with a wrestler in kayfabe on the same show. Shit.
RAW Talk and The SmackDown LowDown post-shows were cancelled. RAW Recap video podcast became a substitute. Hosts constantly used backstage terms, breaking immersion while having an interview with a wrestler in kayfabe on the same show. Shit.
>>298628
There's some serious crossover with disaffected /pol/tards and wizards. They spend so long in the rightoid tradtard brainrot they think porn is a tool used by da Jews to keep da white man down or something. Now that's a slightly extreme example but I've seen it used unironically. Ultimately the cause is the same, guilt and self-loathing, status anxiety, men at a young age are taught to view masturbating as loser behaviour, like they should feel ashamed for enjoying themselves, and any talk of muh degeneracy is an extension of that - rebranding masturbating as "gooning" works to the same end. Did you know touching your wand is actually damaging your brain wiring? Look at all these gimped, self-reported studies! Never mind the other particular idiosyncrasies of your life, such as your job (i hate my job), your social connections (or lack thereof), your hobbies (watching tv), your thoughts (i hate myself), no, it's all because you ejaculate.
Or as seen above, it's pure placebo snake oil. You can convince yourself of anything, and when you have entire communities of grifters pouncing on insecure young men telling them if they stop ejaculating they'll turn into uberhumans because look at all these personal anecdotes trust us guys; they don't stand a chance. It's actually very nasty, crab in a bucket bullshit, losers (and I mean real losers who hate themselves) projecting their anxiety and mental illness and wrapping it up in cute dudebro theory. The irony of the mongoloid calling your post "cuckoldry" meanwhile he's denying himself any sexual pleasure in a pointless self-flagellation ritual while normalfags are out enjoying themselves is laughable. The sad but funny part is these guys actually think they're being counter-culture by not fapping which in effect functions the same as male circumcision; to deny men pleasure, because they're repulsed by the idea of men (even themselves) getting off.
Fapping is like playing vidya, you do it because there's nothing better to do. If you can't delay the instant gratification of either of these to work on something, then that thing isn't very important to you anyway, or it's a personal issue. You aren't "addicted", you're just bored. I feel you, but keep your tradcel rhetoric and self-hatred to yourself, thanks.
The best day I've had in a while was yesterday and this was in no relation to me ejaculating the night before. It's because I did stuff that made me feel good. Crazy.
There's some serious crossover with disaffected /pol/tards and wizards. They spend so long in the rightoid tradtard brainrot they think porn is a tool used by da Jews to keep da white man down or something. Now that's a slightly extreme example but I've seen it used unironically. Ultimately the cause is the same, guilt and self-loathing, status anxiety, men at a young age are taught to view masturbating as loser behaviour, like they should feel ashamed for enjoying themselves, and any talk of muh degeneracy is an extension of that - rebranding masturbating as "gooning" works to the same end. Did you know touching your wand is actually damaging your brain wiring? Look at all these gimped, self-reported studies! Never mind the other particular idiosyncrasies of your life, such as your job (i hate my job), your social connections (or lack thereof), your hobbies (watching tv), your thoughts (i hate myself), no, it's all because you ejaculate.
Or as seen above, it's pure placebo snake oil. You can convince yourself of anything, and when you have entire communities of grifters pouncing on insecure young men telling them if they stop ejaculating they'll turn into uberhumans because look at all these personal anecdotes trust us guys; they don't stand a chance. It's actually very nasty, crab in a bucket bullshit, losers (and I mean real losers who hate themselves) projecting their anxiety and mental illness and wrapping it up in cute dudebro theory. The irony of the mongoloid calling your post "cuckoldry" meanwhile he's denying himself any sexual pleasure in a pointless self-flagellation ritual while normalfags are out enjoying themselves is laughable. The sad but funny part is these guys actually think they're being counter-culture by not fapping which in effect functions the same as male circumcision; to deny men pleasure, because they're repulsed by the idea of men (even themselves) getting off.
Fapping is like playing vidya, you do it because there's nothing better to do. If you can't delay the instant gratification of either of these to work on something, then that thing isn't very important to you anyway, or it's a personal issue. You aren't "addicted", you're just bored. I feel you, but keep your tradcel rhetoric and self-hatred to yourself, thanks.
The best day I've had in a while was yesterday and this was in no relation to me ejaculating the night before. It's because I did stuff that made me feel good. Crazy.
>>298121
>Why didn't anyone say something??
Everyone tried to tell me but very subtly. I wish my folks or sister just gave me some tough love and told me how it is.
>Why didn't anyone say something??
Everyone tried to tell me but very subtly. I wish my folks or sister just gave me some tough love and told me how it is.
My blood oxygen saturation is 89-91%. I feel bad but not really short of breath. Just tired, anxious and non functional. I probably have COPD but I can't bring myself to care. I hope I just keel over soon.
>>298121
>Why didn't anyone say something??
Say what? That without bachelors degree things will be bad? People said that to me repeatedly but I still failed. There was no way I could graduate when I was in uni for the first time. I was too mentally ill / weak / tired.
>Why didn't anyone say something??
Say what? That without bachelors degree things will be bad? People said that to me repeatedly but I still failed. There was no way I could graduate when I was in uni for the first time. I was too mentally ill / weak / tired.
>>298640
>Same, it took me getting seriously and possibly permanently ill to recognize it and do something about it.
I've tried all fucking day for years. But to be absolutely fair this illness is a catch 22 in terms of treatment. if I want to treat myself I need to be able to plan, set things in motion and adjust around the future, the exact things that are impaired by executive dysfunction.
I wish someone would help me but no one cares. if I try to explain it I get blank stares and "well, sometimes you just have to do things you don't want to do :)". I wish I could shove my fucking disease in their skull and watch them fucking suffer.
>Same, it took me getting seriously and possibly permanently ill to recognize it and do something about it.
I've tried all fucking day for years. But to be absolutely fair this illness is a catch 22 in terms of treatment. if I want to treat myself I need to be able to plan, set things in motion and adjust around the future, the exact things that are impaired by executive dysfunction.
I wish someone would help me but no one cares. if I try to explain it I get blank stares and "well, sometimes you just have to do things you don't want to do :)". I wish I could shove my fucking disease in their skull and watch them fucking suffer.
>>297968
Once again I find myself trying for higher education since trades don't pay shit where I live. I just really want to get out of the call center/customer service treadmill.
Once again I find myself trying for higher education since trades don't pay shit where I live. I just really want to get out of the call center/customer service treadmill.
>>298665
Same, what are your plans? I've been telling myself to aim for getting IT and Network certs, I know pay would be shit but it surely beats minimum wage don't you think?
Same, what are your plans? I've been telling myself to aim for getting IT and Network certs, I know pay would be shit but it surely beats minimum wage don't you think?
>>298665
Finally a person online who gets it, I cringe everytime I see some westerner shilling for the tradie meme, trade jobs are only well paid in the first world.
Finally a person online who gets it, I cringe everytime I see some westerner shilling for the tradie meme, trade jobs are only well paid in the first world.
>>298671
In Australia it pays well but the masculine bro culture of everyone in trades is unbearable. A wizard or apprentice would be bullied very harshly. I have no idea if it's like that in other countries
In Australia it pays well but the masculine bro culture of everyone in trades is unbearable. A wizard or apprentice would be bullied very harshly. I have no idea if it's like that in other countries
>>298676
Oh I'm 33 too. I think you know as well as I do that while it's not too late yet, we're rapidly approaching the actually and unironically too late age to improve things a bit.
Other than getting the certs, do you have a plan or idea? I'm going to assume you've suffered from some or all of these:
>neglectul parenting
>undersocialization
>ADHD-like behaviours, generally having a hard time with learning new things and developing "good" habits
>some sort of addiction or addictive personality
I've had most of those. The hardest (and possibly impossible) thing to fix will be building some sort of social capital. What do you think? Are you scared? I've been trying to distance myself mentally from imageboards, all this online stuff and cutting my losses to try rejoining the real world. It's pretty sad when you think about it. I've also cut drinking and smoking, the only two constants in my life, and I've been taking care of my health so much more than before in hopes of helping my brain actually learn things this time around.
Oh I'm 33 too. I think you know as well as I do that while it's not too late yet, we're rapidly approaching the actually and unironically too late age to improve things a bit.
Other than getting the certs, do you have a plan or idea? I'm going to assume you've suffered from some or all of these:
>neglectul parenting
>undersocialization
>ADHD-like behaviours, generally having a hard time with learning new things and developing "good" habits
>some sort of addiction or addictive personality
I've had most of those. The hardest (and possibly impossible) thing to fix will be building some sort of social capital. What do you think? Are you scared? I've been trying to distance myself mentally from imageboards, all this online stuff and cutting my losses to try rejoining the real world. It's pretty sad when you think about it. I've also cut drinking and smoking, the only two constants in my life, and I've been taking care of my health so much more than before in hopes of helping my brain actually learn things this time around.
>>298677
I thought you were memeing Anon, I went through benzo + opiate withdrawals last month and holy fuck that was probably the worst experience of my life and I only did oxycodone and valium every day and some poppy seed tea and it was a 0/10 experience.
I thought you were memeing Anon, I went through benzo + opiate withdrawals last month and holy fuck that was probably the worst experience of my life and I only did oxycodone and valium every day and some poppy seed tea and it was a 0/10 experience.
>>298679
33 is just about on the cusp of potential change but time is rapidly running out.
Once you're more than 35, let alone being 40, it's going to be impossible to become a normie or even vaguely emulate one. After that it's permawizardry whether you want it or not.
33 is just about on the cusp of potential change but time is rapidly running out.
Once you're more than 35, let alone being 40, it's going to be impossible to become a normie or even vaguely emulate one. After that it's permawizardry whether you want it or not.
Life is just two things, you and everything else. When people say its wrong to be mad at everything including even people who've done nothing wrong to you i think they're retarded. They're apart of the world, of everything else. Why shouldn't they be a part of my anger?
>>298677
Why would you get addicted to that shit anyway, literally any other drug is better to get addicted to. heroin and meth withdrawals are hell but wont kill you. you need to find some doctor who understands the severity of your situation and gets you on a tapering program
Why would you get addicted to that shit anyway, literally any other drug is better to get addicted to. heroin and meth withdrawals are hell but wont kill you. you need to find some doctor who understands the severity of your situation and gets you on a tapering program
Why does everyone in these communities love to proclaim these ironclad ages when it's supposed to be impossible to change? Based on what? Shut the fuck up.
>>298697
You don't have to be this dramatic, I don't intent to become some full fledged normal, I just want a better paid job that doesn't deal with customer service directly.
>>298724
I do believe you can always get better unless you are on your deathbed already but recruitment/HR WILL raise an eyebrow if they see a person in late 30s with barely a working history applying.
You don't have to be this dramatic, I don't intent to become some full fledged normal, I just want a better paid job that doesn't deal with customer service directly.
>>298724
I do believe you can always get better unless you are on your deathbed already but recruitment/HR WILL raise an eyebrow if they see a person in late 30s with barely a working history applying.
>>298724
If you're a 42 year old virgin with no money or work experience, it's literally impossible to start a family with a succubus of childbearing age.
Age isn't just a number. Being 22 in dire straits is very different from 32 which is very different from 42.
Society also starts treating you worse and worse the longer you exist as an outcast. "Becoming" a normie is only possible when you're relatively young.
If you're a 42 year old virgin with no money or work experience, it's literally impossible to start a family with a succubus of childbearing age.
Age isn't just a number. Being 22 in dire straits is very different from 32 which is very different from 42.
Society also starts treating you worse and worse the longer you exist as an outcast. "Becoming" a normie is only possible when you're relatively young.
>>298742
>If you're a 42 year old virgin with no money or work experience, it's literally impossible to start a family with a succubus of childbearing age.
Source: your ass
Counterpoint: millions of men have
>Society also starts treating you worse and worse the longer you exist as an outcast
No they don't. You're paranoid.
>If you're a 42 year old virgin with no money or work experience, it's literally impossible to start a family with a succubus of childbearing age.
Source: your ass
Counterpoint: millions of men have
>Society also starts treating you worse and worse the longer you exist as an outcast
No they don't. You're paranoid.
>millions of 42 year old virgin men have started a family with a succubus of childbearing age
and you have a source other than your ass for this?
and you have a source other than your ass for this?
>>298743
>Counterpoint: millions of men have
And look at the absolute state of humanity. You don't have to take my word for it, feel free to ask what age most wizards parents were when they were conceived.
That you can do it doesn't mean you should. I'm not that guy btw. Honestly fuck starting a family anyway, but you really want to at least kind of get your shit together at that age so you can rot in peace or do whatever the fuck you want. You want to at least have some skill to make money with.
>No they don't. You're paranoid.
They absolutely do, nigger. There is a massive stigma against loners that is reinforced by social media, "he is hiding something", "he has nothing to lose" and similar retardation. Normalfaggots really believe that. They'd rather get fucked in the ass by HR and the government before you because… uh just because, ok?
>Counterpoint: millions of men have
And look at the absolute state of humanity. You don't have to take my word for it, feel free to ask what age most wizards parents were when they were conceived.
That you can do it doesn't mean you should. I'm not that guy btw. Honestly fuck starting a family anyway, but you really want to at least kind of get your shit together at that age so you can rot in peace or do whatever the fuck you want. You want to at least have some skill to make money with.
>No they don't. You're paranoid.
They absolutely do, nigger. There is a massive stigma against loners that is reinforced by social media, "he is hiding something", "he has nothing to lose" and similar retardation. Normalfaggots really believe that. They'd rather get fucked in the ass by HR and the government before you because… uh just because, ok?
>>298760
>"he is hiding something", "he has nothing to lose" and similar retardation
Are memes that 14 year old succubi post, and you take to heart because you are paranoid and afraid that random succubi might exist in a state of not believing you are some well-adjusted pussy-slayer.
>They'd rather get fucked in the ass by HR and the government before you because…
Because I have nothing to lose, and I would take it too far. I would afterwards have something to hide.
>"he is hiding something", "he has nothing to lose" and similar retardation
Are memes that 14 year old succubi post, and you take to heart because you are paranoid and afraid that random succubi might exist in a state of not believing you are some well-adjusted pussy-slayer.
>They'd rather get fucked in the ass by HR and the government before you because…
Because I have nothing to lose, and I would take it too far. I would afterwards have something to hide.
I never want to listen to news ever fucking again. Like why the fuck I care about what's going on? I don't care. Fuck news. They all can go to hell for all that I care. My suffering is greater than everyone else because I have the first hand experience of it. My own suffering is enough. I don't need to wallow in more misery of this chaotic shithole of a failed universe.
Acceptance retarded heart, accept all of the horror without the delusion that it was beautiful and coherent one time or it'll ever be. Just accept the evil senselessness of universe you stupid fucking cunt.
>>298776
knowing what is happening -> be able to better predict what will happen -> be able to make better decisions like investments or leaving the country -> improve your quality of life
knowing what is happening -> be able to better predict what will happen -> be able to make better decisions like investments or leaving the country -> improve your quality of life
>>298781
Death is same anywhere. My problem isn't this hellish planet but the terror of my own death.
Death is same anywhere. My problem isn't this hellish planet but the terror of my own death.
>>298776
You can at least get some enjoyment from knowing there’s people suffering even more than you, or at least on the same level
You can at least get some enjoyment from knowing there’s people suffering even more than you, or at least on the same level
>>298784
I can never understand how people can enjoy seeing others suffer, or worse yet, how they can intentionally make others suffer to draw enjoyment out of it. Guess I'm just not a psychopath.
I would enjoy seeing greedy people people like scammers get karma'd, or bullies get their their ass kicked. Justice and revenge kind of things. But they never happen, or at least media never show that. Instead, most of what of what I see in the media is forecasts of wars, catastrophes, poverty, more taxes, degeneration, everything bad. Fuck that, I'd rather stay out of touch.
I can never understand how people can enjoy seeing others suffer, or worse yet, how they can intentionally make others suffer to draw enjoyment out of it. Guess I'm just not a psychopath.
I would enjoy seeing greedy people people like scammers get karma'd, or bullies get their their ass kicked. Justice and revenge kind of things. But they never happen, or at least media never show that. Instead, most of what of what I see in the media is forecasts of wars, catastrophes, poverty, more taxes, degeneration, everything bad. Fuck that, I'd rather stay out of touch.
>>298812
You just answered your own question, you do get enjoyment from other people’s suffering the difference is that you think in your tiny mind it’s justified. You might not be too bright
You just answered your own question, you do get enjoyment from other people’s suffering the difference is that you think in your tiny mind it’s justified. You might not be too bright
When was the last time you took a shower? How many urine bottles are in your room right now? It's getting out of hand.
it's great how every mental illness is treated as a joke now because of normalfags pretending they have depression, adhd, OCD, etcetera
>>298834
Yes? Before it was easy as hell to get ADHD meds before but then every normalfag wanted adderall so the government shut it down and made them much harder to get.
Yes? Before it was easy as hell to get ADHD meds before but then every normalfag wanted adderall so the government shut it down and made them much harder to get.
>>298836
>then every normalfag wanted adderall
No, it's not the evil gnomies' fault you can't get feel-good pills. Adderal was found to provide a buffet of negative mental and physical side effects, so its usage was then narrowed to pacifying only true basket cases.
>then every normalfag wanted adderall
No, it's not the evil gnomies' fault you can't get feel-good pills. Adderal was found to provide a buffet of negative mental and physical side effects, so its usage was then narrowed to pacifying only true basket cases.
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>>298833
I want to know how they are able to function with all these mental illness. Like there are people who study medicine with depression and adhd in those forums and I wonder how they can do that when adhd makes focusing so painful and depression makes you not care about anything. The answer would be that I am lazy and they have a strong will but we are not magic. What is it in their brain or biochemistry that allows them to experience depression and yet fight it? I feel powerless against it.
I want to know how they are able to function with all these mental illness. Like there are people who study medicine with depression and adhd in those forums and I wonder how they can do that when adhd makes focusing so painful and depression makes you not care about anything. The answer would be that I am lazy and they have a strong will but we are not magic. What is it in their brain or biochemistry that allows them to experience depression and yet fight it? I feel powerless against it.
>>298839
Yeah, humanity got fucked once cognitive development happened, causing consciousness and experiencing anything above impulses. Fuck this shit.
Yeah, humanity got fucked once cognitive development happened, causing consciousness and experiencing anything above impulses. Fuck this shit.
>>298833
That's what fucked me. When i was 17 years old complaining about anxiety, the doctor thought i was just another whining kid without any real problems. A huge percentage of normies somehow get diagnosed with anxiety. In reality i was on verge of death and needed some sort of urgent intervention. Of course you cant even admit to suicidal thoughts or you get locked up like a prisoner.
>>298840
They experience much weaker forms of depression and anxiety. Those "mental illnesses" are just part of normal life when they are not severe. They feel a bit sad or nervous and are unable to distinguish that mild discomfort from the severe symptoms/"illnesses" that actually ruin lives.
That's what fucked me. When i was 17 years old complaining about anxiety, the doctor thought i was just another whining kid without any real problems. A huge percentage of normies somehow get diagnosed with anxiety. In reality i was on verge of death and needed some sort of urgent intervention. Of course you cant even admit to suicidal thoughts or you get locked up like a prisoner.
>>298840
They experience much weaker forms of depression and anxiety. Those "mental illnesses" are just part of normal life when they are not severe. They feel a bit sad or nervous and are unable to distinguish that mild discomfort from the severe symptoms/"illnesses" that actually ruin lives.
>>298840
They slap "Functional" on the front of their mental disorder and wham bam thank you ma'am they have a magical new disease perfect for collecting attention and prescriptions
"Functional" Depression, for example, is exactly like regular depression except you can do everything a normal person can do. Except on the inside you're still super duper sad I swear guys I'm suffering like hell on the inside!!
They slap "Functional" on the front of their mental disorder and wham bam thank you ma'am they have a magical new disease perfect for collecting attention and prescriptions
"Functional" Depression, for example, is exactly like regular depression except you can do everything a normal person can do. Except on the inside you're still super duper sad I swear guys I'm suffering like hell on the inside!!
How do normalfags have the energy to do so many things in one day?
I take a nap every day because I get so tired, and doing things like laundry, dishes, making lunch all feel way too hard and exhausting. Like after doing two things I'm ready to take a nap for the rest of the day.
Even mentally thinking about things makes me tired. It's like my body outputs 1/100th the power of a normalfag body
I take a nap every day because I get so tired, and doing things like laundry, dishes, making lunch all feel way too hard and exhausting. Like after doing two things I'm ready to take a nap for the rest of the day.
Even mentally thinking about things makes me tired. It's like my body outputs 1/100th the power of a normalfag body
>>298903
Bro they cope with activity to keep voices in their heads at bay.
Activity is a great cope though.
Bro they cope with activity to keep voices in their heads at bay.
Activity is a great cope though.
>>298903
Semi bipolar. They cope with sbux/carls. The music pumps them. Then they drown in booze after work
Semi bipolar. They cope with sbux/carls. The music pumps them. Then they drown in booze after work
I finally got a great job and my mom like she has done all my life kept saying :"it's hard you might not keep it, they might fire you, blablabla". I said straight to her face that she has done this shit all my life. She's a loser and wants me to be one too. AND I WAS the one that took care of her financially when my dad bailed on us. She was shocked and denied it. Sometimes i regret not bailing on her too but i can't, i love her too much even if she's like this.
>>298913
my mother did that to all her children and sabotaged them because she wanted them to be dependent housecats that would never leave her
my mother did that to all her children and sabotaged them because she wanted them to be dependent housecats that would never leave her
>>298903
I feel that way too. My lower energy is apparently caused by having an anxiety disorder. Autists have a similar issue, as do people with depression of course. It's normal that mental stress causes physical fatigue
I feel that way too. My lower energy is apparently caused by having an anxiety disorder. Autists have a similar issue, as do people with depression of course. It's normal that mental stress causes physical fatigue
too bad swordsman have been outsourced and automated, now you just got an expensive hobby with no means to pay for it.
Prepare to be taxed for being a wizard
https://x.com/inevitablewest/status/1901302576382894234
>Hungary just passed the largest tax cut in Europe & the entire Western world.
>One-child mothers are exempt from income tax until they turn 30.
>succubi with two or more children will have no income tax for life.
>Every European nation must do this.
https://x.com/inevitablewest/status/1901302576382894234
>Hungary just passed the largest tax cut in Europe & the entire Western world.
>One-child mothers are exempt from income tax until they turn 30.
>succubi with two or more children will have no income tax for life.
>Every European nation must do this.
>>298931
You are not a victim for choosing to be a virgin because governments are mitigating the rising cost of living for parents.
You are not a victim for choosing to be a virgin because governments are mitigating the rising cost of living for parents.
>>298903
In addition to the constant exhaustion, I can't gain weight no matter what I do, have constant digestive issues, skin is so thin you can see all my little blood vessels through it and any little bump causes it to tear. I'm pretty sure there's something physically wrong with me but doctors don't know what it is. The blood tests and such come back as normal so they say I am healthy. I look at normalfags and each and every one of them has nice healthy opaque looking skin. Even the ones in old age until you start getting really really old. Most 80 year old have thicker looking skin under their eyes than me.
>>298913
My parents do this too and then deny they do it. They literally just tell me all the ways I'm gonna fail and how things can go wrong any time I try to do or even talk about doing anything. I need to get the fuck out of this house and then not answer their calls.
In addition to the constant exhaustion, I can't gain weight no matter what I do, have constant digestive issues, skin is so thin you can see all my little blood vessels through it and any little bump causes it to tear. I'm pretty sure there's something physically wrong with me but doctors don't know what it is. The blood tests and such come back as normal so they say I am healthy. I look at normalfags and each and every one of them has nice healthy opaque looking skin. Even the ones in old age until you start getting really really old. Most 80 year old have thicker looking skin under their eyes than me.
>>298913
My parents do this too and then deny they do it. They literally just tell me all the ways I'm gonna fail and how things can go wrong any time I try to do or even talk about doing anything. I need to get the fuck out of this house and then not answer their calls.
This is probably not the place to lament about this but but I guess reddit was correct about one thing that is that watching succubi online is self torture and cuck behavior. I’m not talking about porn but succubi in regular media like film, social media and so on. You see these succubi and let’s be honest if you ever fapped to them you want to be the one to spend intimate time with them at least in the moment but you know you will never do it. So give me your wisdom how to avoid this. Is not watching at all the only solution. But that seems pointless as well. It’s really sad. I’m well above 30 but I can’t ever stop being attracted to succubi on display even though in 3d I would never want anything to do with them. Is my mind just weak and perverted? The wizardry doesn’t seem to help and I feel like my life is running short.
>>298949
read enough stories about how succubi ruined men's lives, and you'll start avoiding them like they have repulsion fields
read enough stories about how succubi ruined men's lives, and you'll start avoiding them like they have repulsion fields
>>298949
> if you ever fapped to them you want to be the one to spend intimate time with them
Sex and intimacy are not always the same thing. And porn actresses and Insta-thots? No way man.
> Is my mind just weak and perverted?
You are probably fixated on what is the ideal, ignoring that people can be really nasty and relationship are not straightforward as dramas and anime want you to think.
> if you ever fapped to them you want to be the one to spend intimate time with them
Sex and intimacy are not always the same thing. And porn actresses and Insta-thots? No way man.
> Is my mind just weak and perverted?
You are probably fixated on what is the ideal, ignoring that people can be really nasty and relationship are not straightforward as dramas and anime want you to think.
>>298950
>>298953
I'm somewhat aware of all the evil and disguise succubi bring to the table, all the pain they inflict onto men through intrigues, lies and manipulation. I've read the red pills, the black pills, anything from random image board long and quality posts to Schopenhauer quotes. That's all beside the point of the immediate sexual attraction when having them in safe distance visible through a screen where they can't damage me actively. Yes, they succeed in making me give them attention, but that's just passive and impersonal. I don't know, despite looking through the trouble that's behind these bodies, there's still some sort of purely physical attraction that my mind cannot shake off even when knowing how dumb and superficial and evil it can be. But no need to ban me, I would never ever deal with the 3d version. It's just a neurological phenomenon which I can't simply turn off it seems, not through knowledge or enlightenment.
>>298953
I'm somewhat aware of all the evil and disguise succubi bring to the table, all the pain they inflict onto men through intrigues, lies and manipulation. I've read the red pills, the black pills, anything from random image board long and quality posts to Schopenhauer quotes. That's all beside the point of the immediate sexual attraction when having them in safe distance visible through a screen where they can't damage me actively. Yes, they succeed in making me give them attention, but that's just passive and impersonal. I don't know, despite looking through the trouble that's behind these bodies, there's still some sort of purely physical attraction that my mind cannot shake off even when knowing how dumb and superficial and evil it can be. But no need to ban me, I would never ever deal with the 3d version. It's just a neurological phenomenon which I can't simply turn off it seems, not through knowledge or enlightenment.
My whore teacher who use to beat the shit of out of me died from blood cancer. I hope she suffered hard before death. Fucking witch whore. I want to piss on her grave.
Disgusting WHORE ruined my life.
There are whores and demons who slap 10 year old kids as hard as they can on the face. NEVER FORGET. THAT'S THE TRUE FACE OF HUMAN FUCKING BEAST. AND THEY CALL THEM TEACHERS HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Disgusting WHORE ruined my life.
There are whores and demons who slap 10 year old kids as hard as they can on the face. NEVER FORGET. THAT'S THE TRUE FACE OF HUMAN FUCKING BEAST. AND THEY CALL THEM TEACHERS HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Every motherfucker open their dog mouth against war. But NO ONE, absolutely no motherfucker say anything about schools. Schools are no less then a war for the oppressed kids. These are mental and psychical torture chambers. Schools are the nests of demons and witches and an institution for demonic spirits to get initiated into this cult who feast on the blood of meek.
Schools are the buildings of corruption and decay. Every teacher is a murderer. He is responsible for the sin of killing innocence. The scum are recognized as "pillars" of community. Subhuman scum.
Schools are the buildings of corruption and decay. Every teacher is a murderer. He is responsible for the sin of killing innocence. The scum are recognized as "pillars" of community. Subhuman scum.
Nothing hurts more than watching how much others have changed for the better in the same timeframe it took you to renew your drivers license. ADHD or depression, or simply being at disadvantage by having zero familial support or wellfare, it still hurts the same.
Goddamm man, another 3 years wasted on nothing I want to fucking cry.
Goddamm man, another 3 years wasted on nothing I want to fucking cry.
Nothing came out of my vast self education and effort. My study gave me no consolation. It all went down in the gutter while blockheads shine and have all of the power. All of the philosophical inquiry went down in the gutter. Following liberal arts was a mistake.
It's not fair. Tragic, tragic, tragic.
It's not fair. Tragic, tragic, tragic.
>>298965
Unfortunately, if school is describable 'an environment in which demons are initiated', then it's likewise an environment initiating ever other individual character into similarly particular models.
The limited environment selectively acclimatizes you to think in certain patterns, act in certain ways, festering you to a role which controls your life forever. Definitely, the time you spend there, a time with a susceptible too plastic brain, is an experience always underestimated and overlooked for some reason.
I reckon the guy complaining about lust up above was probably during the chamber test called school inflamed by its passion repeatedly, and so it's now stuck with him forever.
Likewise the notoriously bullied will probably never escape a misanthropic worldview. Why should he? he saw how the game works earlier than most.
And so on for the embarrassed, or the people who fail education, then on the opposite end the successful and well rewarded.
Of course, there's also things like sitting down and listening to a teacher instruct you on XYZ for years and years on end, having to follow his command and word, this normalizing not exactly 'listening to authority', but displacing the ability to internally self-direct oneself onto the position of another.
Or social consensus, with things like making sure you blend into the background of a class with 20-30 students, knowing that standing out in anyway will only welcome trouble.
Fear of failure, forcing routine into the day, having to have a schedule -timetable- of sort, concerning oneself with societal image, having to care for that which you do not, obstruction of historical veracity…
Yeah, put a person in a space like that, repeat it for 15 years or however long it takes to complete, and the end result creates traits identified as common sense… common to the policing of school, and so everyone becomes the same.
One of the biggest complaints about being a NEET is not knowing how to use free time, and quickly getting bored. The reason for this is simple. They're too used to a school-like system which, for reasons above, has denied them their ability to do as they please.
Sadly, you can't repair or walk back from 15+ years of this, especially because by the time you're out of it, it's baked into your brain.
Unfortunately, if school is describable 'an environment in which demons are initiated', then it's likewise an environment initiating ever other individual character into similarly particular models.
The limited environment selectively acclimatizes you to think in certain patterns, act in certain ways, festering you to a role which controls your life forever. Definitely, the time you spend there, a time with a susceptible too plastic brain, is an experience always underestimated and overlooked for some reason.
I reckon the guy complaining about lust up above was probably during the chamber test called school inflamed by its passion repeatedly, and so it's now stuck with him forever.
Likewise the notoriously bullied will probably never escape a misanthropic worldview. Why should he? he saw how the game works earlier than most.
And so on for the embarrassed, or the people who fail education, then on the opposite end the successful and well rewarded.
Of course, there's also things like sitting down and listening to a teacher instruct you on XYZ for years and years on end, having to follow his command and word, this normalizing not exactly 'listening to authority', but displacing the ability to internally self-direct oneself onto the position of another.
Or social consensus, with things like making sure you blend into the background of a class with 20-30 students, knowing that standing out in anyway will only welcome trouble.
Fear of failure, forcing routine into the day, having to have a schedule -timetable- of sort, concerning oneself with societal image, having to care for that which you do not, obstruction of historical veracity…
Yeah, put a person in a space like that, repeat it for 15 years or however long it takes to complete, and the end result creates traits identified as common sense… common to the policing of school, and so everyone becomes the same.
One of the biggest complaints about being a NEET is not knowing how to use free time, and quickly getting bored. The reason for this is simple. They're too used to a school-like system which, for reasons above, has denied them their ability to do as they please.
Sadly, you can't repair or walk back from 15+ years of this, especially because by the time you're out of it, it's baked into your brain.
>>298965
I dropped out of highschool because it was so painful to be there. Even now I have nightmares about that place. Demonic
I dropped out of highschool because it was so painful to be there. Even now I have nightmares about that place. Demonic
I wish I had something to do. I think I could bare being old, ugly, stupid, poor and alone if I just had something to do.
>>297968
I have an exam tomorrow and I haven't studied anything, I might have to reappear for the exam in the future and it might tank my CGPA. I simply have no motivation to study, I spent all my time listening to songs, it's like my brain is like "Fuck it bruv who cares", I am going to sit and stare at the wall in my next exam. Fuck. What has my dumbass done. Better catch some sleep tomorrow before driving, gotta stay alive to give the test.
I have an exam tomorrow and I haven't studied anything, I might have to reappear for the exam in the future and it might tank my CGPA. I simply have no motivation to study, I spent all my time listening to songs, it's like my brain is like "Fuck it bruv who cares", I am going to sit and stare at the wall in my next exam. Fuck. What has my dumbass done. Better catch some sleep tomorrow before driving, gotta stay alive to give the test.
>>298976
You are describing the last 5 years of my life. I'm still over a year away of barely graduating with only a Bachelor's. Might not make it at this point. I have no advice. Best of luck wiz.
You are describing the last 5 years of my life. I'm still over a year away of barely graduating with only a Bachelor's. Might not make it at this point. I have no advice. Best of luck wiz.
>>298976
>>298977
I did okay with exams but didn't graduate because couldn't bring myself to finish the thesis (and had one exam left but i didn't even try, not that it was super hard).
I don't have a degree, and these 4 years of pure pain and despair were all for nothing. I don't even have a diploma to show for these years. I hated my major anyway, I was deteriorating physically and mentally, and now, 5 years after the fact, I'm even worse. The thought of living through all of this again (if I even get a chance because im 30 soon) makes me want to kill myself. I'm not sure if degree would help with getting a job considering how depressed and autistic I am, but at least people would consider me more normal I suppose. IDK at this point im researching suicide methods
>>298977
I did okay with exams but didn't graduate because couldn't bring myself to finish the thesis (and had one exam left but i didn't even try, not that it was super hard).
I don't have a degree, and these 4 years of pure pain and despair were all for nothing. I don't even have a diploma to show for these years. I hated my major anyway, I was deteriorating physically and mentally, and now, 5 years after the fact, I'm even worse. The thought of living through all of this again (if I even get a chance because im 30 soon) makes me want to kill myself. I'm not sure if degree would help with getting a job considering how depressed and autistic I am, but at least people would consider me more normal I suppose. IDK at this point im researching suicide methods
>>298965
If that's what school is, and I'd agree, then working life is actual hell, demonic creatures dancing around the corpses of sucked out souls.
If that's what school is, and I'd agree, then working life is actual hell, demonic creatures dancing around the corpses of sucked out souls.
>>298976
Exam went terribly, what made it more terrible was that there was this guy behind me trying to cheat, and my sympathetic dumb ass let him cheat cause I felt bad when other people didn't let me cheat from them. Now, I am worried that the professor might disqualify me and him on the basis of cheating. What sucks even more is that I was too spineless to say 'No' to him. Wish I had a spine and could stop being a people pleaser.
>>298977
Thank you wiz, I hope you make it, you've already invested 5 years, hopefully this year would be your last in college and you will finally graduate.
>>298982
Is there a way that you could complete your degree? And can it get you a better paying job if you don't already have one?
Exam went terribly, what made it more terrible was that there was this guy behind me trying to cheat, and my sympathetic dumb ass let him cheat cause I felt bad when other people didn't let me cheat from them. Now, I am worried that the professor might disqualify me and him on the basis of cheating. What sucks even more is that I was too spineless to say 'No' to him. Wish I had a spine and could stop being a people pleaser.
>>298977
Thank you wiz, I hope you make it, you've already invested 5 years, hopefully this year would be your last in college and you will finally graduate.
>>298982
Is there a way that you could complete your degree? And can it get you a better paying job if you don't already have one?
>>298988
How can cheating even happen like that? When i did university exams that would be impossible because we were being watched closely
How can cheating even happen like that? When i did university exams that would be impossible because we were being watched closely
>>298988
Oh he was reprimanded by the invigilator who was watching the CCTV and got a few marks deducted, sadly the penalty isn't harsh enough. Well I have another exam a day after tomorrow, I will try not to be a people pleaser. Tells you a lot why universities in the third world are so incompetent.
Oh he was reprimanded by the invigilator who was watching the CCTV and got a few marks deducted, sadly the penalty isn't harsh enough. Well I have another exam a day after tomorrow, I will try not to be a people pleaser. Tells you a lot why universities in the third world are so incompetent.
>>298988
>Is there a way that you could complete your degree? And can it get you a better paying job if you don't already have one?
For one I don't have a job. And no, I can't complete it, even if they let me in graciously i still couldn't have finished because now my brain is fried and I'd have to finish insane courses like latin and shit which were hard enough when I grinded them weekly.
>Is there a way that you could complete your degree? And can it get you a better paying job if you don't already have one?
For one I don't have a job. And no, I can't complete it, even if they let me in graciously i still couldn't have finished because now my brain is fried and I'd have to finish insane courses like latin and shit which were hard enough when I grinded them weekly.
what the fuck do i even do? i live with my dad who has had the house operating as a crackhouse my whole life. i had a job in a warehouse for a month but im a weak person so i cracked under the pressure when i was scheduled 60 hrs a week for the next 2 mknths. how do i get out of here? what do i do? im so lonely, im already a 22 yo virgin and well on my way to wizardry.
>>298150
I wanna see you try learning all the shit I have to learn without uni. Numerics, analysis, optimization, databases, computer architecture, logic, p=np
I wanna see you try learning all the shit I have to learn without uni. Numerics, analysis, optimization, databases, computer architecture, logic, p=np
>>299003
https://teachyourselfcs.com/
there's tons of open course lectures if you really need someone to present you the same information that's in the textbook already.
the good thing about the self study approach is that you can just learn what you really need. if you want to be programmer, you don't necessarily need to know how a CPU works from the ground up or theoretical computer science concepts.
https://teachyourselfcs.com/
there's tons of open course lectures if you really need someone to present you the same information that's in the textbook already.
the good thing about the self study approach is that you can just learn what you really need. if you want to be programmer, you don't necessarily need to know how a CPU works from the ground up or theoretical computer science concepts.
>>299003
textbooks are even better than lectures for learning that stuff unless you're at stanford or something; also, those topics are extremely popular and have massive amounts of resources. There are subjects where uni is actually basically necessary (where info is more obscure/research-tier or you need lab equipment) but those topics you listed are absolutely not in that category
textbooks are even better than lectures for learning that stuff unless you're at stanford or something; also, those topics are extremely popular and have massive amounts of resources. There are subjects where uni is actually basically necessary (where info is more obscure/research-tier or you need lab equipment) but those topics you listed are absolutely not in that category
It's one of those nights where you fall asleep too early and wake up after only five hours of sleep in the middle of the night. I have had too many such nights. Time for some nocturnal programming.
>>299001
Im also 22yo and Im studying cs in uni but have 0 friends and am not motivated enough tbh. Im fucking it up and if I dont take additional semesters I cant finish, already at the 6th semester now, Im fucked too.
I guess the only reason why Im not that lonely is because of my parents that love me and work hard at their jobs. I wish I had a job. I wish I could study 100% of my time instead of wasting 90%.
>breaking down under pressure of warehouse job
60 hours a week is like 12hours a day. thats kind of too much. You could just search for a job where they dont force you to work for that much. Maybe even one where you only have to work on some days of the week?
Im also 22yo and Im studying cs in uni but have 0 friends and am not motivated enough tbh. Im fucking it up and if I dont take additional semesters I cant finish, already at the 6th semester now, Im fucked too.
I guess the only reason why Im not that lonely is because of my parents that love me and work hard at their jobs. I wish I had a job. I wish I could study 100% of my time instead of wasting 90%.
>breaking down under pressure of warehouse job
60 hours a week is like 12hours a day. thats kind of too much. You could just search for a job where they dont force you to work for that much. Maybe even one where you only have to work on some days of the week?
>>299003
You don't have to learn all of that. You can drop out right now and go learn a trade, and you'll be much better off.
You don't have to learn all of that. You can drop out right now and go learn a trade, and you'll be much better off.
>>299010
Trades are for strong people. If you want ANY comfort which I assume most people want, you'd want to get anything but trades. Why do you think parents want their kids to go to college instead of committing to being a carpenter or some shit? Because working under a conditioner in a cozy office is million times better than working your ass off.
Trades are for strong people. If you want ANY comfort which I assume most people want, you'd want to get anything but trades. Why do you think parents want their kids to go to college instead of committing to being a carpenter or some shit? Because working under a conditioner in a cozy office is million times better than working your ass off.
>>299001
I might not know the answer, but you can take solace and consolation in knowing everyone around your age doesn't really know what to do these days, so they're increasingly being absorbed into communities scattered across the net, hungering for purpose, increasingly becoming frenetic and agitated, increasingly adopting views they don't really understand, increasingly getting pissed off with no way to really pour that anger anywhere, increasingly going insane, and increasingly drowning in madness programmed into them in ways they're increasingly unable to discern by mistaken friends and communities who they increasingly think are the best of allies which encumbers an increasingly deranged psyche full of sub-conscious paranoia.
Long story short, there's a lot of dissonance, people don't really accomplish anything anymore, and everything they're sure of is a lie. Things just happen.
I was one such person sailing a boat I didn't know I was made the captain of, across an ocean whose name I didn't know, at a period neither dusk nor dawn.
It took me to a Math and CS degree, which I flunked out off after repeated failures, which taught me I'm low IQ, which led to being a NEET, which led to here and on and on these chain of events went until it wound up (halfway) into something I'm not quite sure of myself. I think it's an aspiration toward IT, or something. I don't know.
I might not know the answer, but you can take solace and consolation in knowing everyone around your age doesn't really know what to do these days, so they're increasingly being absorbed into communities scattered across the net, hungering for purpose, increasingly becoming frenetic and agitated, increasingly adopting views they don't really understand, increasingly getting pissed off with no way to really pour that anger anywhere, increasingly going insane, and increasingly drowning in madness programmed into them in ways they're increasingly unable to discern by mistaken friends and communities who they increasingly think are the best of allies which encumbers an increasingly deranged psyche full of sub-conscious paranoia.
Long story short, there's a lot of dissonance, people don't really accomplish anything anymore, and everything they're sure of is a lie. Things just happen.
I was one such person sailing a boat I didn't know I was made the captain of, across an ocean whose name I didn't know, at a period neither dusk nor dawn.
It took me to a Math and CS degree, which I flunked out off after repeated failures, which taught me I'm low IQ, which led to being a NEET, which led to here and on and on these chain of events went until it wound up (halfway) into something I'm not quite sure of myself. I think it's an aspiration toward IT, or something. I don't know.
I am a NEET and the government in my country just announced they will cut unemployment benefits for 100k long term unemployed people including me. Maybe it is time to rope.
Are any other wizzies the "Audience" for their family? By that I mean the person that everyone monologues to because you sit there and listen and don't say anything.
>>299037
in our family gatherings I always get asked "Anon, what are you thinking about?" sometimes multiple times in the same gathering, people notice my brain is not there, since i am never a part of the conversation, just sitting there like a doll.
in our family gatherings I always get asked "Anon, what are you thinking about?" sometimes multiple times in the same gathering, people notice my brain is not there, since i am never a part of the conversation, just sitting there like a doll.
>>299041
this is why I am bad at conversations and I am a bad listener. Eventually my mind starts to wander I just start having my own internal conversation. Then someone suddenly address me like I was paying attention to everything they said and suddenly I have to start using my mouth to speak.
this is why I am bad at conversations and I am a bad listener. Eventually my mind starts to wander I just start having my own internal conversation. Then someone suddenly address me like I was paying attention to everything they said and suddenly I have to start using my mouth to speak.
>>299056
does not help that normgroids mostly talk about gossips and such, a very intorverted wizard would have no idea about a lot of the people his family members gossip about, let alone being able to engage with them and talk about these people.
does not help that normgroids mostly talk about gossips and such, a very intorverted wizard would have no idea about a lot of the people his family members gossip about, let alone being able to engage with them and talk about these people.
>>299056
No sir. Your body is reacting naturally towards useless rabble. Let them be more concise, rather.
No sir. Your body is reacting naturally towards useless rabble. Let them be more concise, rather.
Bro why do I feel like I'm broken. Seriously, I see people in my gen doing the same thing over and over and enjoy that. The same work, same hangout routine, same shit daily. It satisfies them. While I want to just keep in my room, get deep into rabbit holes to distract myself. Becoming successful is not a goal anymore. Like become rich so what? Then I don't even need to think about rent or any other thing anymore. Just gets darker.
It feels like all the good posters have vanished they probably saw that this place is not what it used to be long time ago and that the internet in its whole is better to be avoided. This is not a place to feel save anymore. It's corrupted.
>>299151
What do you mean by getting deep into rabbit holes? Just watching iceberg videos on jewtube, or actually seriously searching for answers?
>>299178
I feel the same. I already left a number of other imageboards and communities, because they were infiltrated and subverted by outsiders. Original gangsters who built those communities were mocked for staying the same and true to themselves. They were forced to either adapt to the new normal, or leave.
What do you mean by getting deep into rabbit holes? Just watching iceberg videos on jewtube, or actually seriously searching for answers?
>>299178
I feel the same. I already left a number of other imageboards and communities, because they were infiltrated and subverted by outsiders. Original gangsters who built those communities were mocked for staying the same and true to themselves. They were forced to either adapt to the new normal, or leave.
I bought this 7kg bag of protein powder a few days ago & I barely even used it but it's smelling like absolute shit now. Tastes super nasty too even though it tasted nice before. I didn't even do anything weird with it
Maybe I should just blow my brains out instead of trying to get better because the universe obviously does not want me to succeed
Maybe I should just blow my brains out instead of trying to get better because the universe obviously does not want me to succeed
>>299190
It was "over" long before you first loaded this website. A ton of our life is determined genetically. The universe allows us very little slack or cheating nature.
It was "over" long before you first loaded this website. A ton of our life is determined genetically. The universe allows us very little slack or cheating nature.
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>>297978
After much long and careful deliberation, I can say with full certainty that I hate God. I'm not an atheist. I believe there is a God in control of this place. I hate him. I gave Christcuckery a chance for a long time and he seemed to only laugh at my futile attempts to mend my brain.
After much long and careful deliberation, I can say with full certainty that I hate God. I'm not an atheist. I believe there is a God in control of this place. I hate him. I gave Christcuckery a chance for a long time and he seemed to only laugh at my futile attempts to mend my brain.
>>299199
>I believe there is a God in control of this place. I hate him.
Me when I was 14 and dropped my Pizza Pops under the couch
>I believe there is a God in control of this place. I hate him.
Me when I was 14 and dropped my Pizza Pops under the couch
Somehow I became extremely sensitive and developed tons of triggers that make me want to stop any further interaction with a medium like a book, movie, video game. So I've been reading (this means 70 pages in 6 months, haha) this non-fiction book and in some paragraph it said that some anthropologists lived with this tribe of natives for a few years. Apparently these natives we're quite happy, laughing most of time, exchanging partners peacefully, healthy and just enjoying their time in a way. But they also had their ways of dealing with the sick, the old, and the unwanted children. They had hitman that hit old succubi that didn't contribute and were a burden for the tribe with an axe in the head from behind in a moment where they didn't see it coming. They killed children that came to earth with no hair. The hitmen also killed children that were unhappy, cried a lot or that were bullied by other children. This gave me to think that someone like me in that tribe would have been killed as a child. And that would be superior to enduring this existence where you simply are tolerated to exist because of some anonymous, impersonal societal agreements. At least it's honest.
>>299205
The hair thing is stupid because most people with tons of hair follicles (who end up never balding and have very thick hair) are bald until 1-2 years of age.
But who really understands the savage mind process. To them everything is done for a reason.
The hair thing is stupid because most people with tons of hair follicles (who end up never balding and have very thick hair) are bald until 1-2 years of age.
But who really understands the savage mind process. To them everything is done for a reason.
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Does anyone else feel rage? It's not a rage toward any particular person or institution it's just rage. Rage toward the universe or maybe just bad luck. All I feel is volcanic anger or indifferent nothing.
It feels so fucking unfair. Every bit of it.
It feels so fucking unfair. Every bit of it.
>>299219
This is pretty much how I exist these days as well. I go through nearly every day feeling either depression, dread, or rage, such to the point where times of numbness are a wonderful relief in comparison.
This is pretty much how I exist these days as well. I go through nearly every day feeling either depression, dread, or rage, such to the point where times of numbness are a wonderful relief in comparison.
Submitted my disability review form last month. Every 7 years they ask me to reapply since I show no signs of improving. Everyone tells me it'll be fine and it's just normal procedure but man, when you're a paranoid schizo you can't stop thinking of the what ifs.
>>297968
I have been having very low energy and headaches while at work. I have committed to my shitty job for years, not attracting attention and allowing interactions to be one-sided as I just be a passive fuck that smiles and nods. I hate people, society, and this life. Every day I just wish to pass away in my sleep, because a human's life is too complicated, hard, and phony. Every time I think about improving my situation, I remember that it will not address the underlying issues of my misanthropy, chronic depression, and social anxiety. I will never get to a place to secluded peace unless I earn the big bucks or become an ascetic hermit. Fuck being human.
I have been having very low energy and headaches while at work. I have committed to my shitty job for years, not attracting attention and allowing interactions to be one-sided as I just be a passive fuck that smiles and nods. I hate people, society, and this life. Every day I just wish to pass away in my sleep, because a human's life is too complicated, hard, and phony. Every time I think about improving my situation, I remember that it will not address the underlying issues of my misanthropy, chronic depression, and social anxiety. I will never get to a place to secluded peace unless I earn the big bucks or become an ascetic hermit. Fuck being human.
>>299151
call me a failed normalfag if you want, but the difference is they probably feel like they belong in those contexts. they go to work and they like people and they feel respected. they have friends. if youre on this website, you've very likely be on the periphery of society/social groups/peers instead, i know i have, pretty much my whole life. i dont like referencing rote crap like muh maslows pyramid but its true because on the rare instance i get a little preview of belonging and intimacy my whole world changes for the better; without a fundamental sense of being a person who gets treated like a person, everything else can feel pretty meaningless.
call me a failed normalfag if you want, but the difference is they probably feel like they belong in those contexts. they go to work and they like people and they feel respected. they have friends. if youre on this website, you've very likely be on the periphery of society/social groups/peers instead, i know i have, pretty much my whole life. i dont like referencing rote crap like muh maslows pyramid but its true because on the rare instance i get a little preview of belonging and intimacy my whole world changes for the better; without a fundamental sense of being a person who gets treated like a person, everything else can feel pretty meaningless.
I have stopped "reflecting" over my life. I don't give a fucking about evaluating my actions anymore. Fuck this world. If world doesn't give a shit about me then why I should care? End is death. It is same for everyone. At this moment millions of people are wallowing in pain in the hospitals and why should I think of life as coherent plan? It's a fucking mess. A rape before death. Nothing speaical. That's all. I don't give a shite anymore. I'll live like a beast. I won't give a shit…at least until next misfortune.
>>299231
> they go to work and they like people and they feel respected
What they feel is they are surrounded of more neurtypical bottlicking aura, like theirs. Which they love to use as it disguises (in their minds) how much a failure their hierarchical societies are.
> they go to work and they like people and they feel respected
What they feel is they are surrounded of more neurtypical bottlicking aura, like theirs. Which they love to use as it disguises (in their minds) how much a failure their hierarchical societies are.
I am fucked. My laptop is broken and now I am in so much from last year…NEET thing is really fucking with my head now. I don't even have 100$. I have zero job experience and zero qualifications.
Fuck!
Fuck!
>>299290
Are you American? You can sign up to take surveys on Prolific to work towards that $100.
Are you American? You can sign up to take surveys on Prolific to work towards that $100.
>>299311
This is true - in the capital accumulation sense.
It's possible to be buttressed by assets and techniques, online services and other assistance such that "Being Autistic" is less of a source of misery for the victim or a problem for the wider community.
The notion that "Dyslexics weren't a problem until reading became necessary" is accurate and transferable - Being Autistic is a problem because of what the subject is *obliged* to interact with; if those obligations can be minimised and mitigated, there's less of a problem. The modern world which doesn't need as many autistic shepherds that's caused the problem, is now modern enough to offer a lot of solutions. e.g. online shopping & remote work.
The question is if the subject has or is worth the resources to make that a reality.
This is true - in the capital accumulation sense.
It's possible to be buttressed by assets and techniques, online services and other assistance such that "Being Autistic" is less of a source of misery for the victim or a problem for the wider community.
The notion that "Dyslexics weren't a problem until reading became necessary" is accurate and transferable - Being Autistic is a problem because of what the subject is *obliged* to interact with; if those obligations can be minimised and mitigated, there's less of a problem. The modern world which doesn't need as many autistic shepherds that's caused the problem, is now modern enough to offer a lot of solutions. e.g. online shopping & remote work.
The question is if the subject has or is worth the resources to make that a reality.
>>299325
Yes i feel that lv 1 autistics are not even disabled and just need acommodations, 2/3 are
Yes i feel that lv 1 autistics are not even disabled and just need acommodations, 2/3 are
I'm concerned with death more than with living. That's why all societal attempts at making pro life actions and perpetuating the flow of being seem inherently pointless to me with few exceptions. Probably I'm just fucked though.
it sounds pathetic but i miss being a horny teenager. im old now (33) and i severely miss the days of finding porn novel and really enjoying it. now masturbation is a chore and nothing hits like it used to. i've tried quitting but it doesn't bring back the youthful energy which is forever gone.
>>299346
Same but also for literally everything else, mostly music, vidya and anime. I used to have an OCD thing, "saving" things for hard times. You know how some people postpone finishing their favorite series or games because they know they will be sad when they end? That's what I did but twice as retarded ie. barely even starting. Now I'm old and I can't fap more than twice a week. I don't really derive joy from media either and realizing it's all mostly just rehashed doesn't help. You'd think 30 is just young enough to "feel alive", but that's not how it is for a subhuman like myself.
>>299348
Lmao good luck with that. Doctors think a young guy in his 20s having the test levels of a 60yo is normal. I heard a combination of vit d3 + k2 + zinc + a bunch of adaptogens actually makes a difference, it's the only way for regular guys. Come to think of it, is there a market for illegal test like there's one for trannies and estrogen? I know some bodybuilders use it but I wouldn't know if they're for just low test guys
Same but also for literally everything else, mostly music, vidya and anime. I used to have an OCD thing, "saving" things for hard times. You know how some people postpone finishing their favorite series or games because they know they will be sad when they end? That's what I did but twice as retarded ie. barely even starting. Now I'm old and I can't fap more than twice a week. I don't really derive joy from media either and realizing it's all mostly just rehashed doesn't help. You'd think 30 is just young enough to "feel alive", but that's not how it is for a subhuman like myself.
>>299348
Lmao good luck with that. Doctors think a young guy in his 20s having the test levels of a 60yo is normal. I heard a combination of vit d3 + k2 + zinc + a bunch of adaptogens actually makes a difference, it's the only way for regular guys. Come to think of it, is there a market for illegal test like there's one for trannies and estrogen? I know some bodybuilders use it but I wouldn't know if they're for just low test guys
>>299349
>Come to think of it, is there a market for illegal test like there's one for trannies and estrogen? I know some bodybuilders use it but I wouldn't know if they're for just low test guys
Yeah, it’s the exact same thing that bodybuilders use. You can just get it from an underground lab that makes anabolic androgenic steroids for bodybuilders and inject at trt levels, like 125-175 mg/week, I think.
Depending on where one lives it might be either trivial to get or very difficult.
The only real downside of using it is that you’re not fertile while taking it, but that’s irrelevant for us.
>Come to think of it, is there a market for illegal test like there's one for trannies and estrogen? I know some bodybuilders use it but I wouldn't know if they're for just low test guys
Yeah, it’s the exact same thing that bodybuilders use. You can just get it from an underground lab that makes anabolic androgenic steroids for bodybuilders and inject at trt levels, like 125-175 mg/week, I think.
Depending on where one lives it might be either trivial to get or very difficult.
The only real downside of using it is that you’re not fertile while taking it, but that’s irrelevant for us.
>>299349
There are countless stealth shippers like deus that send testosterone and all other kinds of meds worldwide. They have open web markets and accept normal payments or crypto.
Not gonna link to one of their resellers but you can find a number of them with a simple google search.
Also if you do inject, educate your mind on post cycle therapy, estrogen blockers etc. so you don't end up with hypogonadism or hard glandular manboobs.
There are countless stealth shippers like deus that send testosterone and all other kinds of meds worldwide. They have open web markets and accept normal payments or crypto.
Not gonna link to one of their resellers but you can find a number of them with a simple google search.
Also if you do inject, educate your mind on post cycle therapy, estrogen blockers etc. so you don't end up with hypogonadism or hard glandular manboobs.
Spiraling down the drain again. Severe opiate addiction. Car broke down. Apartment threatened to tow it within one day. My job is just to get yelled at on the phone all day. Absolutely screamed at over and over and over and over. My online friend I met here and have been best friends with for 15yrs killed himself.
I adopted a cat from the shelter and he's so miserable here he's literally starving himself to death. The drugs are not helping anymore. It isn't even "I need it to feel normal". I passed that point recently. Now it's at the "I can feel horrible withdrawals or just take so much I feel extremely sick and miserable but at least the withdrawals stop". I don't feel suicidal. I don't feel anything.
I adopted a cat from the shelter and he's so miserable here he's literally starving himself to death. The drugs are not helping anymore. It isn't even "I need it to feel normal". I passed that point recently. Now it's at the "I can feel horrible withdrawals or just take so much I feel extremely sick and miserable but at least the withdrawals stop". I don't feel suicidal. I don't feel anything.
>>299349
>Come to think of it, is there a market for illegal test like there's one for trannies and estrogen?
Yes a huge one. You can purchase it on the deepweb but no clue how reliable or legit it is. I've seen multiple vendors with hundreds of good reviews selling tren or whatever. But that's easy enough to fake so ymmv
>Come to think of it, is there a market for illegal test like there's one for trannies and estrogen?
Yes a huge one. You can purchase it on the deepweb but no clue how reliable or legit it is. I've seen multiple vendors with hundreds of good reviews selling tren or whatever. But that's easy enough to fake so ymmv
>>299357
the thing about testosterone is that because it's so easy and cheap to make there isn't much of an incentive for labs and resellers to sell fakes instead of the real thing.
the thing about testosterone is that because it's so easy and cheap to make there isn't much of an incentive for labs and resellers to sell fakes instead of the real thing.
>>299357
No need to go to the deep web. Plenty of open web sites sell test and tren, like said above.
They are very cheap and fairly easy to manufacture.
No need to go to the deep web. Plenty of open web sites sell test and tren, like said above.
They are very cheap and fairly easy to manufacture.
i tried every medication you can prescribe for adhd(ritalin adderall, intunv strattera vynvanse) but none helped me still hyperactive and scatter brained all day.
psych basically gave up on me too said i just have to deal with it
psych basically gave up on me too said i just have to deal with it
Was outside, some normgroid was trying to start a conversation with me in a bad faith, those people really love gossiping and annoying people who mind their own affairs.
Talked to my psychiatrist today. They assure me I'm not a schizo cause I don't hear voices. I do have many other mental issues though. She upped my meds so hopefully that will help.
>>299379
>She upped my meds
>she
Oh dear
>so hopefully that will help.
It won't! You'll only become dependent on more and more drugs until you can't wipe your own ass without your daily $35 worth of brain-rotting pills pumping through your blood.
>She upped my meds
>she
Oh dear
>so hopefully that will help.
It won't! You'll only become dependent on more and more drugs until you can't wipe your own ass without your daily $35 worth of brain-rotting pills pumping through your blood.
>>299381
Psychology/Therapy is mostly female dominated in my state and I've been on meds for well over a decade, so I'm already to far gone.
Psychology/Therapy is mostly female dominated in my state and I've been on meds for well over a decade, so I'm already to far gone.
>>299390
I was actually going to do therapy (even though i know it wont be helpful) but in my european country there are literally no male therapists available that are proficient enough in my native language. Completely dominated by succubi. Sickening and absurd. No way i am doing that
I was actually going to do therapy (even though i know it wont be helpful) but in my european country there are literally no male therapists available that are proficient enough in my native language. Completely dominated by succubi. Sickening and absurd. No way i am doing that
>>299413
search for ediable common plants and weeds nearby you if you ever reach the bottom level of poverty.
search for ediable common plants and weeds nearby you if you ever reach the bottom level of poverty.
Distant family member died. She was one year older than me. Fate should have chosen me for this instead. I wanted to die for over a decade anyways. Life is really just absolute random and find ways to torture us the worst way possible.
>>299426
>Life is really just absolute random and find ways to torture us the worst way possible.
This truly seems like the main lesson and guiding principle of life
>Life is really just absolute random and find ways to torture us the worst way possible.
This truly seems like the main lesson and guiding principle of life
What is going on with me? I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I feel so lost, dumb and groundless. I just watch reels all day to distract myself. I don't even feel hatred for people anymore. I understand nothing. I am like a leaf in the wind. I am going through life like an NPC. I have no spatial or social awareness. I kinda of feel okay.
I just don't know…
I just don't know…
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Can't believe there was a time that feels like it wasn't that long ago when I was in my 20s, conscious, in control of my destiny and at no point did I stop ending up a 33 yo loser with nothing. What the hell man. Im in denial that it was me. It feels like I just recently woke up in this body inheriting this mess of a life.
I am having trouble remembering things and thinking clearly. i think i have creutzfeld jacob disease
>>299465
Most likely just brainfog induced by diet or stress. How well do you eat, sleep, and play?
Most likely just brainfog induced by diet or stress. How well do you eat, sleep, and play?
>>297969
This is me, and god what a hell it has been. I wanted to go back so bad but i did have minor slips but kept going further. And lo and behold, YOU DO FEEL BETTER!! The brain heals!! Hallelujah!! For all the paddicts, keep pushing, it's real! It's like i found religion haha, fuck porn.
This is me, and god what a hell it has been. I wanted to go back so bad but i did have minor slips but kept going further. And lo and behold, YOU DO FEEL BETTER!! The brain heals!! Hallelujah!! For all the paddicts, keep pushing, it's real! It's like i found religion haha, fuck porn.
It really got out of hand, it being my ability to be around other humans. I can't fake it anymore, I can't mask anymore, my mind is constantly numb, fatigued, not working, I can't think clearly, I can't talk senseful. It's really over. During my 20s it kinda worked out but now in my early 30s it's really over. My mind is steadily bombarding me with thoughts that I should kill myself, I'm detached from 95% of material and 99% of social environment. At this point I would even just take any medication just to feel a difference. I'm always dreading life, I'm either anxious or feel nothing at all other than detachment and dissociation, feeling like I don't belong here, the whole reality feels empty and hostile. Except maybe a flowing river I guess.
Today I managed to log into my old Skype account that I had as a teenager. (Looking back at everything before they delete it next month). Most chats were long gone but from the few that were still left I can tell I was just so much more vibrant and full of energy. I had a personality and online friends I would talk to all the time. Fastforward to now and I'm friendless, jobless, boring, tired and probably gonna end up as another suicide statistic. Where did it all go so wrong.
>>299516
Can't relate. I was always friendless in real life, but no matter the online game or platform my friend list always grew to hundreds.
And not even because I was active but because other people added me and wanted to talk.
If the internet didn't exist I would have had zero socialization for the last 20 years and probably be in some kind of a psychotic state.
Can't relate. I was always friendless in real life, but no matter the online game or platform my friend list always grew to hundreds.
And not even because I was active but because other people added me and wanted to talk.
If the internet didn't exist I would have had zero socialization for the last 20 years and probably be in some kind of a psychotic state.
You ever catch yourself daydreaming about what by now should be a fantasy beyond your wildest dreams? Friends, love, etc oh man what the fuck most of the time and I mean truly most of the time I'm not bothered by such nonsense. It happens less than 3 times in a year, today it happened, roughly in line with 1/3 of the year having passed (wew time flies). I felt guilty and pathetic but in a way kinda relieved. A part of me says that makes me human, the other part fears the day that stops happening because it'd mean I'm truly beyond saving so I'd probably start doing "things" *wink*. How else would you hope to feel something when your mind and spirit are so far gone, that even if your imagination you can't envision yourself having remotely normal emotional needs and reactions, right? Like a omnivore animal that needs to change his diet right away if he wants to survive, I wonder if that's how it goes for other people, the point of no return..
>>299528
You know how there's been a revival of Y2K culture? That extends to retrocomputing with kids getting into old OSes and software. People want to relive the glory days of the old web. Of course it's only a pale imitation.
You know how there's been a revival of Y2K culture? That extends to retrocomputing with kids getting into old OSes and software. People want to relive the glory days of the old web. Of course it's only a pale imitation.
Just been really stressed lately about money. I'm a disabled neet so I got myself under budget billing with my heating and electric company. Right now my budget billing balance is near $500. Last year at the end of the yearly cycle I came out with a $0 bill at the end cause during the summer I was over paying by like $70-$100 a month. I really hope it'll be the same this year when summer rolls around cause right now whenever my heater kicks on I have a near panic attack over the idea of all that money I just can't afford.
I am losing my fucming mind. I don't even have 100$ for my laptop. If I'll ask for loan they'll tell it to everybody. They'll laugh behind my back. They'll pity me like a dog. I have no health. I have no money. Dumb freak. Dumb freak. I regret everything.
>>297968
it's my birthday and ALL i think of is death and wanting to die, i have no future prospetcs, my family hates me and does not want to help me improve, i just need the money to purchase a dureable rope, and i will be done with this mess.
it's my birthday and ALL i think of is death and wanting to die, i have no future prospetcs, my family hates me and does not want to help me improve, i just need the money to purchase a dureable rope, and i will be done with this mess.
>>299581
Same, I'm using a 2011 model, bought second hand in 2014 Thinkpad right now. When I got it I added an SSD, OEM version so I don't fucking know how it's actually doing health wise (apart from damaged sectors and 75k hours-of-use) because it's all custom values.
It's a special kind of feeling when you can't even afford simple stuff like this. Sometimes I feel joy when I hear of richfags fucking up ending as total poorfags or like the whole tariff talk as of late. Am I wrong? I don't think I am anymore.
>>299582
Happy Birthday wizbro, always remember that this too shall pass. It's the only thing that brings me a modicum of comfort these days, pain isn't eternal..
Same, I'm using a 2011 model, bought second hand in 2014 Thinkpad right now. When I got it I added an SSD, OEM version so I don't fucking know how it's actually doing health wise (apart from damaged sectors and 75k hours-of-use) because it's all custom values.
It's a special kind of feeling when you can't even afford simple stuff like this. Sometimes I feel joy when I hear of richfags fucking up ending as total poorfags or like the whole tariff talk as of late. Am I wrong? I don't think I am anymore.
>>299582
Happy Birthday wizbro, always remember that this too shall pass. It's the only thing that brings me a modicum of comfort these days, pain isn't eternal..
>>299590
I get this. I grew up poor and am currently pretty poor since i'm disabled. I don't know why people gloat about being rich when all it takes is one small misstep and bam, you're disabled and now poor.
I get this. I grew up poor and am currently pretty poor since i'm disabled. I don't know why people gloat about being rich when all it takes is one small misstep and bam, you're disabled and now poor.
>>299591
Life isn't that fair. What happens is the rich disabled person receives more free financial assistance from his parents in a year than you will receive in 25 years of employment.
He will never go hungry or homeless.
Life isn't that fair. What happens is the rich disabled person receives more free financial assistance from his parents in a year than you will receive in 25 years of employment.
He will never go hungry or homeless.
at my work place, there is a ~54 year old man.
that man's main hobby is toy plane flying.
he's always very cynical during meetings.
when i offered him help one time, the day after, he used some obscure internet greeting on me in chat, thinking i would understand.
when i asked "huh?", he excused himself, saying it was accidental.
i judge this as having been an attempt at socializing, by a socially awkward and lonely man.
something in me wants to not become what he is.
i see his unhappiness and other traits (he is short and nerdy and seemingly an internet person) that i identify with.
and something in me doesn't want this.
and ideas pop up into my mind to change my life, quit the internet and improve myself in various ways.
but whenever i did try such things in the past, i'd always fall back once adversaties arrived.
and so there's this dread of ending up like him.
you might say
>it's unwizardly to disparage against this man, why do you hate his life, is this not indicative of outsider normie attitudes
i wish that i could just be empathetic towards the man.
but instead, mainly, i see myself end up like him, unless i can kill myself or change my path.
that man's main hobby is toy plane flying.
he's always very cynical during meetings.
when i offered him help one time, the day after, he used some obscure internet greeting on me in chat, thinking i would understand.
when i asked "huh?", he excused himself, saying it was accidental.
i judge this as having been an attempt at socializing, by a socially awkward and lonely man.
something in me wants to not become what he is.
i see his unhappiness and other traits (he is short and nerdy and seemingly an internet person) that i identify with.
and something in me doesn't want this.
and ideas pop up into my mind to change my life, quit the internet and improve myself in various ways.
but whenever i did try such things in the past, i'd always fall back once adversaties arrived.
and so there's this dread of ending up like him.
you might say
>it's unwizardly to disparage against this man, why do you hate his life, is this not indicative of outsider normie attitudes
i wish that i could just be empathetic towards the man.
but instead, mainly, i see myself end up like him, unless i can kill myself or change my path.
>>299597
>why do you hate his life
because of your own lived experience that is miserable for you. some people here are blessed to be wired to forever enjoy browsing imageboards, watching anime and playing games. for most of us, the hedonic treadmill catches up eventually and we become stuck. too intimidated by starting something new but extremely bored by what we know. it is natural to see someone who is at the tail end of such a life and project yourself into his position. not only do you know for yourself you wouldn't like such a life but you can plainly see that he is a broken shell himself. your feelings toward your life are valid wiz. good luck in finding something new to live for.
>why do you hate his life
because of your own lived experience that is miserable for you. some people here are blessed to be wired to forever enjoy browsing imageboards, watching anime and playing games. for most of us, the hedonic treadmill catches up eventually and we become stuck. too intimidated by starting something new but extremely bored by what we know. it is natural to see someone who is at the tail end of such a life and project yourself into his position. not only do you know for yourself you wouldn't like such a life but you can plainly see that he is a broken shell himself. your feelings toward your life are valid wiz. good luck in finding something new to live for.
>>299600
thanks for the advice.
i think just a vain attempt to gain a non-internet life will not set me free.
especially not with this attitude:
>i cannot under any circumstance become like the guy at my workplace
i would still be short, for one.
i project my misery of being short onto other guys at my work that do not present themselves as nerdy or socially awkward.
they're still cynical, and i dread becoming like them.
i might have to try harder at escaping into the present moment.
thanks for the advice.
i think just a vain attempt to gain a non-internet life will not set me free.
especially not with this attitude:
>i cannot under any circumstance become like the guy at my workplace
i would still be short, for one.
i project my misery of being short onto other guys at my work that do not present themselves as nerdy or socially awkward.
they're still cynical, and i dread becoming like them.
i might have to try harder at escaping into the present moment.
>>299597
Don't try to change yourself. Accept what you're. Fuck that prick. Don't feel guilty about your feelings.
Don't try to change yourself. Accept what you're. Fuck that prick. Don't feel guilty about your feelings.
>>299602
I'm not really in any position to give advice, as I am in a similar situation in terms of my outlook. However, sounds like you have a healthy amount of self awareness. I have also had these thoughts plenty of times, that my life will become worth living once I simply get rid of all this addicting technology that is keeping me stuck. It took me a couple of tries to realize that I am not miserable because of my technology use, moreso I use technology because life outside of it is miserable and draining and there was nothing I had to live for "out there" so I ended up here.
I think it's healthy to keep in mind that in any case you will not suddenly skip all the way to some forever happy end in which you are just grateful and content every day of your life. But just finding something to enjoy again, those small little moments where you feel like it might be okay to keep going, that is a worthwhile endeavor for its own sake.
I'm not really in any position to give advice, as I am in a similar situation in terms of my outlook. However, sounds like you have a healthy amount of self awareness. I have also had these thoughts plenty of times, that my life will become worth living once I simply get rid of all this addicting technology that is keeping me stuck. It took me a couple of tries to realize that I am not miserable because of my technology use, moreso I use technology because life outside of it is miserable and draining and there was nothing I had to live for "out there" so I ended up here.
I think it's healthy to keep in mind that in any case you will not suddenly skip all the way to some forever happy end in which you are just grateful and content every day of your life. But just finding something to enjoy again, those small little moments where you feel like it might be okay to keep going, that is a worthwhile endeavor for its own sake.
There are days when the loneliness becomes unbearable, and I start thinking of my parents whom I normally curse for giving birth to me. Neither ever had a lot of friends, so I can *kind of* see where theyre coming from. Imagine waking up one day and realizing full force "oh shit 50 more years of this uhhh". Wouldnt I do the same? Wouldnt YOU do the same? This is assuming you/we can in first place of course as things are we cannot(reproduce, not that I want to either), but hypothetically speaking, would you condemn a soul to a world of misery only so you could stave that loneliness for a bit?
>>299607
>There are days when the loneliness becomes unbearable
me too, and it gets much worse at night
>There are days when the loneliness becomes unbearable
me too, and it gets much worse at night
So I went for a walk and later I went to this pizza place in town and I tried to order a pizza but I was exhausted and I sounded exhausted and there were many people around and they heard my voice and they all looked at me like a freak or dangerous person especially the succubi and they went out of the way and looked at me with disgust and I was standing there completely dissociating and derealizing and then this stupid fucking cunt of a female seller asked me after I ordered a small piece of pizza if I actually wanted a small one and I was already fucking out of the situation and somehow said yes small with an increasingly panicking voice and she looks at me with fear and disgust in her eyes and she seems annoyed and acts as if I have bothered her to an insulting threatening degree then I heard several succubi talking about me how I was scary and that something feels wrong and after what felt like a million years they finally had the pizza ready and somehow I managed to pay it grab it and go. Never will go to the place again. Rarely felt something so hostile and unwelcome and making me feel like a freak.
>>299612
Don't overthink it. Realize w/o/men are less than stupid children and the taking seriously of their reactions to you is therefore one of the worst mistakes you can make. We (sensitive wizards) have all suffered through situations like these at whatever recent or older points in our lives. They are painful yes, but the longer and more wisely you live the less and less their memory will persist in your mind as you begin to understand just how worthless such scornful people are.
Don't overthink it. Realize w/o/men are less than stupid children and the taking seriously of their reactions to you is therefore one of the worst mistakes you can make. We (sensitive wizards) have all suffered through situations like these at whatever recent or older points in our lives. They are painful yes, but the longer and more wisely you live the less and less their memory will persist in your mind as you begin to understand just how worthless such scornful people are.
I remembered the post one guy made on here showing some kind of underground basement with only a PC and a super low ceiling and saying he ended up like this and begging god to kill him. At the time, i was wondering how it was possible to end like that. Now I am an illness-ridden hardcore dying junkie almost-hobo with my whole so called family hating me, countless debts and possible prison time hanging over my head, my chest hurts every day and i think i have heart failure. Now I guess I know. That you can lose everyone and everything and if u won't pull the trigger u will regret it and that's how it ends.
>>299616
Damn wiz, what did you do to get the possible prison time hanging over you? Hope for the best.
Damn wiz, what did you do to get the possible prison time hanging over you? Hope for the best.
>>299507
I'm also very detached from this life and this world. When I encounter other people, I can make a little bit of small talk and I can recite my lines, but I only have a few short minutes worth of chitchat I can deploy before I run out of things to say and the awkward silence begins. Not that I really care much these days as I don't really feel bad about the silence and I don't care how uncomfortable others are with silence.
>I'm always dreading life, I'm either anxious or feel nothing at all other than detachment and dissociation, feeling like I don't belong here
I know that feel, wiz. I don't really feel like I belong on this planet either. I often feel like my existence is some sort of unplanned cosmic anomaly, a random mistake, but not nearly a big enough mistake for anyone to try to fix it or even care at all so I'm just stuck here until I die. I'm sort of making peace with it, however. Given how shitty this world is, I'm actually pretty relieved that I don't belong here and I see death as a potentially permanent release from this hell. Sure, I have the instinctual fear of death like anyone else, but I'm attempting to work past that so I can fully embrace the end when it comes.
I'm also very detached from this life and this world. When I encounter other people, I can make a little bit of small talk and I can recite my lines, but I only have a few short minutes worth of chitchat I can deploy before I run out of things to say and the awkward silence begins. Not that I really care much these days as I don't really feel bad about the silence and I don't care how uncomfortable others are with silence.
>I'm always dreading life, I'm either anxious or feel nothing at all other than detachment and dissociation, feeling like I don't belong here
I know that feel, wiz. I don't really feel like I belong on this planet either. I often feel like my existence is some sort of unplanned cosmic anomaly, a random mistake, but not nearly a big enough mistake for anyone to try to fix it or even care at all so I'm just stuck here until I die. I'm sort of making peace with it, however. Given how shitty this world is, I'm actually pretty relieved that I don't belong here and I see death as a potentially permanent release from this hell. Sure, I have the instinctual fear of death like anyone else, but I'm attempting to work past that so I can fully embrace the end when it comes.
>>299614
Thank you, I mean I am level 32 wiz and live with phases of dissociation for a decade but it's sometimes still good to remind yourself that these kinds of situations are common among posters here and the solidarity. Normally I either avoid such situations completely or I only do it when I'm mentally fit and on point, but in that case it was a spontaneous idea and the moment I came too close to the place I realised what I have done but it was kind of too late. Hey, at least I got my pizza I guess.
Thank you, I mean I am level 32 wiz and live with phases of dissociation for a decade but it's sometimes still good to remind yourself that these kinds of situations are common among posters here and the solidarity. Normally I either avoid such situations completely or I only do it when I'm mentally fit and on point, but in that case it was a spontaneous idea and the moment I came too close to the place I realised what I have done but it was kind of too late. Hey, at least I got my pizza I guess.
>>299637
It's from schizo by Ivan_Brunetti. The guy is a real neurotic and pretty funny at times (and sad). I posted it because i wanted to share this feeling , i guess many felt this way at a point in their lives. I know i did.
It's from schizo by Ivan_Brunetti. The guy is a real neurotic and pretty funny at times (and sad). I posted it because i wanted to share this feeling , i guess many felt this way at a point in their lives. I know i did.
>>299640
Yeah it's very relatable, unfortunately. I've heard Ivan Brunetti's name before but I never really checked out his comics, guess this is a sign. Anyways, thanks for the source. I tried doing a reverse image search on google, bing, yandex, tinyeye, etc. and none of them could tell me where it was from.
Yeah it's very relatable, unfortunately. I've heard Ivan Brunetti's name before but I never really checked out his comics, guess this is a sign. Anyways, thanks for the source. I tried doing a reverse image search on google, bing, yandex, tinyeye, etc. and none of them could tell me where it was from.
File: 1744628538541.png (938 B, 199x130, 199:130, 1502815173612.png) ImgOps iqdb
It's very cool being so depressed you waste every second of every minute of every hour of every day, knowing you're making your situation worse but unable to do anything about it. I think I'm actually mentally ill, there's a problem I have I can't type about here because it would be considered vain and silly and it's hard to explain but to me it's very real - it's unsolvable to me. I used to live with hope that I could solve it, eventually, but it's looking like I actually can't, ever, and that's something new to me, to live completely without hope. I've never been so miserable.
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