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Post here when you don't have enough to say for a topic and it's too depressing for the general crawl thread.
My parents got elderly before I knew it.
I got to middle age faster than I thought.
It's as though my hairline imploded over night. Fuck. In my internal mindset I'm still a 20 something kid.
I spent so many years in and out of the NEET basement dwelling haze. My life passed before my eyes.
Looking at my parents now at times when I'm more lucid illicit the feeling I had when I used to look at my grandparents in their final elderly years of life. aw fuck I'm not ready to lose my parents. Deep down some instinctual part of my mind is triggering warning signs.
I got to middle age faster than I thought.
It's as though my hairline imploded over night. Fuck. In my internal mindset I'm still a 20 something kid.
I spent so many years in and out of the NEET basement dwelling haze. My life passed before my eyes.
Looking at my parents now at times when I'm more lucid illicit the feeling I had when I used to look at my grandparents in their final elderly years of life. aw fuck I'm not ready to lose my parents. Deep down some instinctual part of my mind is triggering warning signs.
The cities and urban areas are getting scary out there. I feel completely alienated from this world. It's like living on a foreign planet amongst a completely different alien species. I have nothing in common with anyone around me.
It's scary.
It's scary.
I want to want to be productive. I want to want to have hobbies. But I don't care about anything at all. It's very unfortunate because there's nothing to save me from homelessness if my parents kick me me out.
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am I the only one who WISHES he lived in an urban hell/commieblock forest?
I live in a residential area with all houses,no aparments,stores where they will know you if you frequently.
I crave the anonimity of the massive.
I live in a residential area with all houses,no aparments,stores where they will know you if you frequently.
I crave the anonimity of the massive.
>>260794
I just want to live somewhere I can walk places or take the bus. I hate living in a boomer hellhole
I just want to live somewhere I can walk places or take the bus. I hate living in a boomer hellhole
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>>260796
I dont like violence but I really think some third world countries are actually libertarian paradises, mixed with dystopian chaos.
anyways,I should move to the Capital of my own country,i guess
I dont like violence but I really think some third world countries are actually libertarian paradises, mixed with dystopian chaos.
anyways,I should move to the Capital of my own country,i guess
>>260798
Yes, that is true, a third world country comes very close to what libertarians an anarchist want. You have laws and a government, but nobody cares about them too much. 50% of the population is in the black market and doesn't pay taxes at all, a large chunk doesn't even pay utilities either because it's illegal to cut water if they don't pay because its a human right or because they have an illegal connection which is extremely common and nothing happens if you get caught. Most crimes go unresolved because the police is total corrupt garbage. On the negative side, everything is very shitty, utilities are shitty and get cut frequently, if you get robbed though luck, don't even bother to call the police and you have shitty jobs in the black market or no jobs at all.
Yes, that is true, a third world country comes very close to what libertarians an anarchist want. You have laws and a government, but nobody cares about them too much. 50% of the population is in the black market and doesn't pay taxes at all, a large chunk doesn't even pay utilities either because it's illegal to cut water if they don't pay because its a human right or because they have an illegal connection which is extremely common and nothing happens if you get caught. Most crimes go unresolved because the police is total corrupt garbage. On the negative side, everything is very shitty, utilities are shitty and get cut frequently, if you get robbed though luck, don't even bother to call the police and you have shitty jobs in the black market or no jobs at all.
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>>260799
I live in a first-world city within a third world country(yes,here each province is a class of country in itself)
if it werent for the fact theyre all turbonormies I would have moved to a commieblock slum long ago.
I live in a first-world city within a third world country(yes,here each province is a class of country in itself)
if it werent for the fact theyre all turbonormies I would have moved to a commieblock slum long ago.
>>260801
>listens to reggeaton or trap
>only interested in weed and fornication
>very ignorant of high culture,literature and history,most are barely literate
rich kids are cancer too tho,lets be fair.
middle class is the sweet spot.
>listens to reggeaton or trap
>only interested in weed and fornication
>very ignorant of high culture,literature and history,most are barely literate
rich kids are cancer too tho,lets be fair.
middle class is the sweet spot.
>>260802
Interesting… I would call the middle class "turbonormies". Lower class thugs and rich kids are two sides of the same coin. I don't call them normie. There's nothing normal about them.
Do I have my definitions backwards. Or is it this anon who has it backwards.
Interesting… I would call the middle class "turbonormies". Lower class thugs and rich kids are two sides of the same coin. I don't call them normie. There's nothing normal about them.
Do I have my definitions backwards. Or is it this anon who has it backwards.
Does anyone remember the autistic hikikomori of 13 years who used to do long blogposts here and stopped in 2020? I wonder what happened to him.
>>260804
if you're talking about the same guy who spammed r/hikikomori and r9k with his sperg rage outbursts. I think he learned japanese to the point of conversational fluency and went into the japanese internet communities. He ascended to a higher plane of weeb than us mere mortals.
if you're talking about the same guy who spammed r/hikikomori and r9k with his sperg rage outbursts. I think he learned japanese to the point of conversational fluency and went into the japanese internet communities. He ascended to a higher plane of weeb than us mere mortals.
>>260806
Im talking about the guy who had a succesful brother and a cat who died. He was very articulate.
He used to post on 8chan and on here.
I think he killed himself
Im talking about the guy who had a succesful brother and a cat who died. He was very articulate.
He used to post on 8chan and on here.
I think he killed himself
>>260804
>>260823
That longposter who used to post on /games/?
I believe this is one of his posts:
>>>/games/47177
If that is who you had in mind, I also wonder whatever happened to him. I would like to think he quit coming here because he (rightfully) felt the average poster was still relatively normal and well-adjusted i.e non-neet, functioning and social.
>>260823
That longposter who used to post on /games/?
I believe this is one of his posts:
>>>/games/47177
If that is who you had in mind, I also wonder whatever happened to him. I would like to think he quit coming here because he (rightfully) felt the average poster was still relatively normal and well-adjusted i.e non-neet, functioning and social.
>>260825
Thanks. I am a bit disappointed that he has taken up vlogging, and it is weird to put a face and a voice to a fellow poster I have interacted with and respect… but I guess that's to be expected given how open he is about his life. I wish he would still post here though.
Thanks. I am a bit disappointed that he has taken up vlogging, and it is weird to put a face and a voice to a fellow poster I have interacted with and respect… but I guess that's to be expected given how open he is about his life. I wish he would still post here though.
>>260831
Heh that's what I thought after making the post but it's not like it makes any difference.
Heh that's what I thought after making the post but it's not like it makes any difference.
a dysfunctional wizard is someone who should get a hand and try to be treated with patience and gotten out of any holes they are in
but a dysfunctional wizard with kids is the scum of the earth?
ive been looking at things from a v simplistic lens
theres something v big to understand here
but a dysfunctional wizard with kids is the scum of the earth?
ive been looking at things from a v simplistic lens
theres something v big to understand here
>>260833
One didn’t choose to exist and is only hurting themselves. The other actively created more defective beings and inflicted harm upon them, through at least neglect if not worse.
One didn’t choose to exist and is only hurting themselves. The other actively created more defective beings and inflicted harm upon them, through at least neglect if not worse.
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>>260833
It's not possible to be a wizard who has kids unless you had your genetic material forcibly extracted by some malevolent succubus while you were drugged.
It's not possible to be a wizard who has kids unless you had your genetic material forcibly extracted by some malevolent succubus while you were drugged.
>>260835
would wizards with bad fathers absolutely hate seeing their dad be treated with kindness by a fellow wizard
would wizards with bad fathers absolutely hate seeing their dad be treated with kindness by a fellow wizard
I can't stop despising my father.
I have autism and he's always been an oblivious boomer that just was in denial about it. He even lies and said "At the hospital a nurse said you have some traits but it's nothing". Right from a young age he'd always say "I don't want to hear any of that mental health nutter shit".
But he basically forced me to work heavy construction at his company from a young age and would scream at me for being an attention seeker when I had breakdowns.
He's in his seventies now, and I'm a neurotic wreck, fucked up from all the psychosis and shit I went through at that time working at his faggot company, where every swing of the hammer would be a sensory overload. I get drunk and abuse him about how he destroyed my life, and he just looks hurt and curled over, saying "I have feelings too you know".
He actively prevented me from leaving for years, going into detail about how I'd be a useless hunk of shit as a NEET. And how getting a supermarket job (which I wanted at the time) just meant I'd be a failure. And if I had higher education aspirations he'd go into detail about how I can't handle demolition, what makes me think I can handle university.
I hate how he can't handle the mere criticism of how he made all my problems public. How the public laughed at me every single day for years for having breakdowns on site. How he's swing by every day and force me back into that shit job I despised. He spent years criticizing every little thing I did, but he's too much of an insecure weakling to even process that he might've done something wrong.
But at the same time it's hard, because I know he just wanted the best from me. He sometimes goes into detail about how he was bullied at school and I can tell the tough veneer he puts on hides a deeper insecurity. I at the same time love him, and it's a hard one. Because everything he did he did do for me, and he does genuinely care for me. But he just can't handle to see the truth sometimes.
I have autism and he's always been an oblivious boomer that just was in denial about it. He even lies and said "At the hospital a nurse said you have some traits but it's nothing". Right from a young age he'd always say "I don't want to hear any of that mental health nutter shit".
But he basically forced me to work heavy construction at his company from a young age and would scream at me for being an attention seeker when I had breakdowns.
He's in his seventies now, and I'm a neurotic wreck, fucked up from all the psychosis and shit I went through at that time working at his faggot company, where every swing of the hammer would be a sensory overload. I get drunk and abuse him about how he destroyed my life, and he just looks hurt and curled over, saying "I have feelings too you know".
He actively prevented me from leaving for years, going into detail about how I'd be a useless hunk of shit as a NEET. And how getting a supermarket job (which I wanted at the time) just meant I'd be a failure. And if I had higher education aspirations he'd go into detail about how I can't handle demolition, what makes me think I can handle university.
I hate how he can't handle the mere criticism of how he made all my problems public. How the public laughed at me every single day for years for having breakdowns on site. How he's swing by every day and force me back into that shit job I despised. He spent years criticizing every little thing I did, but he's too much of an insecure weakling to even process that he might've done something wrong.
But at the same time it's hard, because I know he just wanted the best from me. He sometimes goes into detail about how he was bullied at school and I can tell the tough veneer he puts on hides a deeper insecurity. I at the same time love him, and it's a hard one. Because everything he did he did do for me, and he does genuinely care for me. But he just can't handle to see the truth sometimes.
>>260856
Do share some stories when things went wrong in construction. Was he the only one doing the yelling at you?
Do share some stories when things went wrong in construction. Was he the only one doing the yelling at you?
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Im from a turd-world country but my family is kinda well-off (we arent bling-bling rich but according to statistics ,etc, we're on the tip of the spear).
I thought of actually getting a coding job plus Investing. Im terrified of taxation tho,i HATE taxes and welfare and food stamps given to lumpen-normies.
>should I suck it up and work-pay taxes,so I can have a good chunk of disposable income within 5 years?
I thought of actually getting a coding job plus Investing. Im terrified of taxation tho,i HATE taxes and welfare and food stamps given to lumpen-normies.
>should I suck it up and work-pay taxes,so I can have a good chunk of disposable income within 5 years?
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Does anyone else here suffer from bipolar or schizophrenia? Does anyone else deal with mania and other things? I went on a massive spending spree recently and really need to calm down, $2500 down the drain in a single month and hardly slept at all, some minor voices I was having went away now I think. My mom threatened to take away my bank account for me again but I said no, I don't know if that was a good idea or not. I like to tell myself that I'm not sick, but then stuff like this happens over and over again like clockwork.
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>>260892
Developing schizophrenia since a near-lethal meth binge shortly followed by my mother's passing. I describe it to myself as losing language in thought, and I already feel dead. There is no stopping it, and it will only get worse as time goes on. Just try your best to find coping mechanisms/distractions to save yourself and the people around you from any skitz.
Developing schizophrenia since a near-lethal meth binge shortly followed by my mother's passing. I describe it to myself as losing language in thought, and I already feel dead. There is no stopping it, and it will only get worse as time goes on. Just try your best to find coping mechanisms/distractions to save yourself and the people around you from any skitz.
>>260892
for every part of ur brain, the task is to find out how to appreciate it, how to love it, how to scold it, how to have patience with it
the core of all this is understanding your feelings
the part in you that switches on and then does all these things might have a pattern, might need something, might have a goal, might be positive under certain requirements
your task is to find out about the world and everything going on in your brain in order to love every part of yourself
maybe be more obedient to your mom and let her take things over when you are manic
for every part of ur brain, the task is to find out how to appreciate it, how to love it, how to scold it, how to have patience with it
the core of all this is understanding your feelings
the part in you that switches on and then does all these things might have a pattern, might need something, might have a goal, might be positive under certain requirements
your task is to find out about the world and everything going on in your brain in order to love every part of yourself
maybe be more obedient to your mom and let her take things over when you are manic
>>260825
You had a yt channel at one point, right? Where you would show some hand drawn mind maps and what not, it was fun. You should do those again.
You had a yt channel at one point, right? Where you would show some hand drawn mind maps and what not, it was fun. You should do those again.
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Being a bit more serious about escaping technology this time. Bought a simple phone and I'm locking away everything a box with a padlock at the other end of the house in a public space. Removing all technology from my spaces. I cannot control myself.
Anyone else feeling obsessed about shaving facial hair? I shave twice a day,and always use hot water plus upside-down shaving technique to remove all the shadow/tiny beard points in my face.
I dont yet shave off my eyebrows but I consider it. I shave the head already.
I dont yet shave off my eyebrows but I consider it. I shave the head already.
>>260912
How do you still have a skin? There some procedures that they burn your hair with laser. It's expensive but I think in your case it's necessary.
How do you still have a skin? There some procedures that they burn your hair with laser. It's expensive but I think in your case it's necessary.
>>260913
thats super painful, I had to do it once after a surgery. and its like burning with a match
thats super painful, I had to do it once after a surgery. and its like burning with a match
I'm going to soon turn 24 and I feel like the time has come for me to accept that I'll never find "my people".
Though I do have friends our relationships feel shallow.
Maybe I bought it on myself by not opening up more, maybe this is just how it is for everyone; either way I hate it here on this green rotten earth.
Though I do have friends our relationships feel shallow.
Maybe I bought it on myself by not opening up more, maybe this is just how it is for everyone; either way I hate it here on this green rotten earth.
>>260919
One of my joys is one of your concerns. What is it you dislike about being by yourself?
One of my joys is one of your concerns. What is it you dislike about being by yourself?
>>260920
Not him but simply being able to enjoy things in the same manner as someone else. I just want to feel like there are people out there who think and feel the way I do, and to share a bond with said people over our shared values.
Not him but simply being able to enjoy things in the same manner as someone else. I just want to feel like there are people out there who think and feel the way I do, and to share a bond with said people over our shared values.
>>260920
I love being by myself but sometimes I yearn for that feeling of comradery, of knowing that you are among people that feel similar to you, kind of like a family or a brotherhood.
Being unable to find people like that makes me feel alien which makes me wish I could leave this earth and go back to my homeplanet.
I love being by myself but sometimes I yearn for that feeling of comradery, of knowing that you are among people that feel similar to you, kind of like a family or a brotherhood.
Being unable to find people like that makes me feel alien which makes me wish I could leave this earth and go back to my homeplanet.
So who here will end up homeless if their parents kick them out? I live with it over my head every day for the past 10 years
>>260928
Values may not have been the right word. Mindset maybe? An example is when you see a piece of art, a movie, an anime, etc. and it so perfectly resonates with you that you know the creator shares your feelings exactly. Or when in conversation someone is expressing a thought or feeling that you relate to to such a degree you feel a sort of shared reality.
Values may not have been the right word. Mindset maybe? An example is when you see a piece of art, a movie, an anime, etc. and it so perfectly resonates with you that you know the creator shares your feelings exactly. Or when in conversation someone is expressing a thought or feeling that you relate to to such a degree you feel a sort of shared reality.
>>260931
Any way you could put away some money? I have a little stashed away and it's a great comfort, in a cheaper to live place like SEA it should last for quite a while.
Any way you could put away some money? I have a little stashed away and it's a great comfort, in a cheaper to live place like SEA it should last for quite a while.
I'm basically dead set on leaving and starting life again in another city. I'm gonna just sell everything I have and go to Australia (New Zealand).
I want to just live in the outback and just do a bullshit job idk. I hate it here and hate everything that's happened.
I want to just live in the outback and just do a bullshit job idk. I hate it here and hate everything that's happened.
I had my driveway taken off me by the neighbors. It's strange, they just started parking vehicles on it and blocking me in, and there's literally nothing I can do about it in this country. The cops said if I touch their car in any way I'm liable for "tresspassing", the tow companies refuse to tow cars on private property here now due to legal liabilities. The lawyers just scratch their heads. The people doing it to me are related to gangs, so there's nothing I can do staunch wise, I'd lose out against them. The cops felt sorry for me and tried to bluff their way through with them, but even he had to had to admit he was powerless.
I'm actually going to have to sell my house and move because I was dependent on tenants to survive with my mortgage, and they all left the second the parking was taken away.
It's a strange world where things like this can happen. I've done everything, I've been to lawyers, I've seen the police. I don't know what else there is.
I'm actually going to have to sell my house and move because I was dependent on tenants to survive with my mortgage, and they all left the second the parking was taken away.
It's a strange world where things like this can happen. I've done everything, I've been to lawyers, I've seen the police. I don't know what else there is.
>>260939
Get a good metal detector and look for gold.
>>260940
So the driveway isn't part of your property? If it is, couldn't you arrange to put up a gate while they're away. Or are they parking right in front of it?
Had a slightly similiar thing happen in that some guy who moved away abandoned some old junk car on my property and refused to take care of it and me handling it in any way would basically be theft, eventually I dropped it off at his new place while he was away working and prepared to deny any involvement if he would show up, but he never did.
Get a good metal detector and look for gold.
>>260940
So the driveway isn't part of your property? If it is, couldn't you arrange to put up a gate while they're away. Or are they parking right in front of it?
Had a slightly similiar thing happen in that some guy who moved away abandoned some old junk car on my property and refused to take care of it and me handling it in any way would basically be theft, eventually I dropped it off at his new place while he was away working and prepared to deny any involvement if he would show up, but he never did.
I feel I have a good chance at becoming moderately rich; I leech off parents so 0 expenses, if I land a good job(I DO have qualified job qulifications)and toil plus save/invest for 10-20 years, I might be able to live until my natural death in a rather comfy manner,with certain small luxuries.
>>260951
You were too reliant on regular normomedicine, weren't you? The warp wanings await the wizardhood with issues like yours:
>leaving cereals and sugars
>leaving all red meats and dairy products
>eating few time a day, not distributing 5 or 4 times thru its length
>practice fasting and detox methods (colon wash, kidney purges, sauna, etc…)
Visit endchan and find the healthcare section. It's full with pdfs about this.
You were too reliant on regular normomedicine, weren't you? The warp wanings await the wizardhood with issues like yours:
>leaving cereals and sugars
>leaving all red meats and dairy products
>eating few time a day, not distributing 5 or 4 times thru its length
>practice fasting and detox methods (colon wash, kidney purges, sauna, etc…)
Visit endchan and find the healthcare section. It's full with pdfs about this.
>>260945
I live in New Zealand
The driveway literally IS my property, but because it connects onto a shared driveway the local government says "not our problem" and the police are like "it's a civil issue, go to the courts".
But to take it to the courts costs like $4000 in lawyers, and then they can just get a cousin from out of town (which they're basically doing at this point) to park his car on my property while he stays at the neighbours, and keep on rotating person because it's one of those trashy criminal families that always has people in and out of jail, coming and going. So even if I win a court case against the neighbors, they still win by getting relatives to do it to me and I'd have to start over.
I've looked into the statues and the only things I can do is clamp the car and issue a fine. But they can just leave a wreck there and never pay the fine and I'm stuck with the vehicle on my property forever. Or, I can get it towed on the condition that it causes damage to my property, but they have done no provable damage so I can't legally touch it. I get charged with tresspassing if I touch a vehicle on my property because vehicles are considered private property, it's fucked.
Tow companies now refuse outright to tow cars off of residential areas, they have all told me there's hundreds of people in my situation now and there's nothing that can be done anymore.
I live in New Zealand
The driveway literally IS my property, but because it connects onto a shared driveway the local government says "not our problem" and the police are like "it's a civil issue, go to the courts".
But to take it to the courts costs like $4000 in lawyers, and then they can just get a cousin from out of town (which they're basically doing at this point) to park his car on my property while he stays at the neighbours, and keep on rotating person because it's one of those trashy criminal families that always has people in and out of jail, coming and going. So even if I win a court case against the neighbors, they still win by getting relatives to do it to me and I'd have to start over.
I've looked into the statues and the only things I can do is clamp the car and issue a fine. But they can just leave a wreck there and never pay the fine and I'm stuck with the vehicle on my property forever. Or, I can get it towed on the condition that it causes damage to my property, but they have done no provable damage so I can't legally touch it. I get charged with tresspassing if I touch a vehicle on my property because vehicles are considered private property, it's fucked.
Tow companies now refuse outright to tow cars off of residential areas, they have all told me there's hundreds of people in my situation now and there's nothing that can be done anymore.
>>260961
Shitty situation then. How has your interactions with them been? No chance of cajoling them into cutting you some slack?
Shitty situation then. How has your interactions with them been? No chance of cajoling them into cutting you some slack?
>>260961
>>260979
that would probably be kinda awkward for him to try now since he already tried to battle them without direct contact and theyre probably aware of this, so if he went there now it would kinda look like a last result sort of thing
maybe the solution is to tell them that he gives up, they won, and that he is at their mercy, explaining also his frustrations
other alternatives are to keep looking for battle strategies or to gtfo out of there without contact
but i think doing the direct contact thing would be extremely enlightening
>>260979
that would probably be kinda awkward for him to try now since he already tried to battle them without direct contact and theyre probably aware of this, so if he went there now it would kinda look like a last result sort of thing
maybe the solution is to tell them that he gives up, they won, and that he is at their mercy, explaining also his frustrations
other alternatives are to keep looking for battle strategies or to gtfo out of there without contact
but i think doing the direct contact thing would be extremely enlightening
I'm a NEET with no friends, and only talk to people online. One of them is always talking about his real life friends, job, and succubi. Recently whenever I see them talk my heart just sinks, and I become extremely depressed. They're not even that successful. They only have a handful of friends and work a normal wagie job, but even this makes me feel awful. It reminds me of how much of a fuckup I am and makes me feel guilty and neurotic for not wanting to talk to him anymore. It's not like he's being a cunt about it. He doesn't even know how it makes me feel or even that I hate my life. On the bright side it's made me think about getting a job and making friends, but then I realize what I have to do and it makes me anxious as fuck. I usually get a lot more depressed whenever it gets hot, but I haven't felt this close to suicide in a long time
>>260979
>>260980
I started off with direct contact.
Basically she's a sadist that gets off on it. She just says "Not your fucking driveway" and screams at the top of her lungs for me to go away. In the instances I've had to walk to the street to my car, she'll be sitting there laughing with whoever she's having a coffee with. She's been open about sending gang members around to fuck me over. And it's pretty legit apparently, her daughter married a lieutenant in a gang. She apparently has been doing this for over a decade to people, but it's only now it's gotten bad. People nearby have been warning me "be careful what you do, she knows some -very- powerful people".
The rest of her family just seems awkwardly embarrassed every time I approach. They will move the car sometimes if I ask them and she's not around, but it's certain to be back there within a day. I think they don't give a fuck, but she legit just rants and raves all day the vehicle isn't there and can't stand to listen to her moan about it.
>>260980
I started off with direct contact.
Basically she's a sadist that gets off on it. She just says "Not your fucking driveway" and screams at the top of her lungs for me to go away. In the instances I've had to walk to the street to my car, she'll be sitting there laughing with whoever she's having a coffee with. She's been open about sending gang members around to fuck me over. And it's pretty legit apparently, her daughter married a lieutenant in a gang. She apparently has been doing this for over a decade to people, but it's only now it's gotten bad. People nearby have been warning me "be careful what you do, she knows some -very- powerful people".
The rest of her family just seems awkwardly embarrassed every time I approach. They will move the car sometimes if I ask them and she's not around, but it's certain to be back there within a day. I think they don't give a fuck, but she legit just rants and raves all day the vehicle isn't there and can't stand to listen to her moan about it.
>>260990
In your situation I would simply start to show myself as a passive guy, rather than unpolite, in such a way that he may stop talking to me.
Your desires are just a deceit, a parasite from the mind. Do not chase the world, for the world will never chase you in this way. Relinquish, oppose yourself to this unnatural wanting…
This how I overcame hischool depression about being unable to socialize. Embrace your role, rediscover it, instead of running away from it towards whatever promises joy outside, for it is mostly a light for moths.
>>260961
Sell your home. Blow her car. Go far far away after making it all look like an accident.
You could also use whatever you have against her. If she wants war, then let her get shot in a leg. I only sense from this that you will repent from living in fear… the secret is (against such types) to attack from anonymacy. So, I correct myself: attack everything but the car. Investigate your enemy, never let them know where your blows come from. Disappear.
In your situation I would simply start to show myself as a passive guy, rather than unpolite, in such a way that he may stop talking to me.
Your desires are just a deceit, a parasite from the mind. Do not chase the world, for the world will never chase you in this way. Relinquish, oppose yourself to this unnatural wanting…
This how I overcame hischool depression about being unable to socialize. Embrace your role, rediscover it, instead of running away from it towards whatever promises joy outside, for it is mostly a light for moths.
>>260961
Sell your home. Blow her car. Go far far away after making it all look like an accident.
You could also use whatever you have against her. If she wants war, then let her get shot in a leg. I only sense from this that you will repent from living in fear… the secret is (against such types) to attack from anonymacy. So, I correct myself: attack everything but the car. Investigate your enemy, never let them know where your blows come from. Disappear.
>>260994
Mutilation is usually better than death against gangsters. And you thinking about suicide without making them pay?
Of course, you are not ready to confront normies of this kind. What happened to you? Will you die in this state?
Mutilation is usually better than death against gangsters. And you thinking about suicide without making them pay?
Of course, you are not ready to confront normies of this kind. What happened to you? Will you die in this state?
I wish I didn't have to lust after succubi. I can't go to any place on the internet without being bombarded by whores showing their bodies for attention and profit, even in other chans you can't browse in peace without someone posting tits and asses to grab your attention. I'm so sick of being manipulated by my instincts, I despise succubi with all my heart, but I can't help to lust after them. Sometimes I wish I was a fag because it'd make things much easier, but I'm just not attracted to men.
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>>261007
I hate how the world revolves around sex too much, I have to always be reminded sex exists and people have happy relationships, then my instincts makes me feel fucking sad. I hate this goddamn flesh cage, the demiurge is the biggest troll ever.
I hate how the world revolves around sex too much, I have to always be reminded sex exists and people have happy relationships, then my instincts makes me feel fucking sad. I hate this goddamn flesh cage, the demiurge is the biggest troll ever.
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>>260991
Right, the smoothest thing to do is probably to get the hell away from there to a better place, if it's possible to find such a place, no idea what the housing market over there looks like.
At the same time it's a bit annoying that the queen bitch is getting away scot free isn't it?
The guy mentioned previously who dumped his car had slightly similiar traits, always lots of people around, always going over to "borrow" stuff without asking and never returning it, parking cars on others properties, the odd drama queen moment but he had no connections to gangs or anything like that thankfully.
Right, the smoothest thing to do is probably to get the hell away from there to a better place, if it's possible to find such a place, no idea what the housing market over there looks like.
At the same time it's a bit annoying that the queen bitch is getting away scot free isn't it?
The guy mentioned previously who dumped his car had slightly similiar traits, always lots of people around, always going over to "borrow" stuff without asking and never returning it, parking cars on others properties, the odd drama queen moment but he had no connections to gangs or anything like that thankfully.
Senile demented grandma keeps waking me up at night. My retarded mom took her in the living room cuz she thinks she sleeps better there.
Old fart kept wailing all morning and i jumped out of bed and almost dragged her on the floor to her room.
I'm tired of moralfags man, if my mom had any sense left she'd have euthanised her long ago.
Old fart kept wailing all morning and i jumped out of bed and almost dragged her on the floor to her room.
I'm tired of moralfags man, if my mom had any sense left she'd have euthanised her long ago.
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>>261015
Wizgo 13, is that you?
Wizgo 13, is that you?
>>261011
More than one succubus who had nice fame amongst men in teenages, I have seen her crying due to a simple rejection from one.
The world is full of lies.
More than one succubus who had nice fame amongst men in teenages, I have seen her crying due to a simple rejection from one.
The world is full of lies.
>>260991
>The rest of her family just seems awkwardly embarrassed every time I approach
to civilians, the dangerous people are never the actual gang members, its the retarded distant friends or colleagues or family members that joy ride their reputation by powertripping
>The rest of her family just seems awkwardly embarrassed every time I approach
to civilians, the dangerous people are never the actual gang members, its the retarded distant friends or colleagues or family members that joy ride their reputation by powertripping
My self loathing is growing stronger again. Sometimes I feel like living a boring and isolated life is okay, but then something will remind me just how interior I am to people who actually do things and I start to hate myself for wasting my life.
>>261028
Right, that was the big eye opener for me. I think that most of the young ones trying to prove themselves are dangerous, but most over 25 just want to live their life and will only fuck with you if you step out of line. It's pretty easy to understand the limits living in these areas generally, and I just hit a stroke of bad luck.
I've noticed living in this area it's the succubi that are threatening everyone with violence. It makes sense, apparently in Communist Romania the wives of the apparatchik were the ones that would sadistically sabotage people's lives, out of spite or jealousy. I have sort of solved it with alternative access. But the main driveway is the only one most vehicles can get through, so it's limited to light vehicles only at the moment. I'm basically passing time until she dies or goes to a retirement home to get it finally sorted, which shouldn't be soon considering she's already in her late seventies. I see the ambulance there every six months or so and know it's coming soon.
My family is in a position to financially help me get it sorted, but refuse because they don't want things to escalate further, and they believe she is insane enough to actually call in retarded favors. We actually have a gang problem that's quickly escalating to third world tier levels, it's not talked about internationally but it's pretty bad down here.
Right, that was the big eye opener for me. I think that most of the young ones trying to prove themselves are dangerous, but most over 25 just want to live their life and will only fuck with you if you step out of line. It's pretty easy to understand the limits living in these areas generally, and I just hit a stroke of bad luck.
I've noticed living in this area it's the succubi that are threatening everyone with violence. It makes sense, apparently in Communist Romania the wives of the apparatchik were the ones that would sadistically sabotage people's lives, out of spite or jealousy. I have sort of solved it with alternative access. But the main driveway is the only one most vehicles can get through, so it's limited to light vehicles only at the moment. I'm basically passing time until she dies or goes to a retirement home to get it finally sorted, which shouldn't be soon considering she's already in her late seventies. I see the ambulance there every six months or so and know it's coming soon.
My family is in a position to financially help me get it sorted, but refuse because they don't want things to escalate further, and they believe she is insane enough to actually call in retarded favors. We actually have a gang problem that's quickly escalating to third world tier levels, it's not talked about internationally but it's pretty bad down here.
The days I feel the most like shit I get some serious vasoconstriction and my arms and legs get cold even now during summer at 30C
Does this happen to anyone else?
Does this happen to anyone else?
The world is silent, albeit the noise humans create for each other. Feels lonely. Feels like a dream sometimes. I think I would much prefer to see the constellations in the sky that the blackness humans have created there.
Do you guys get a lot of enemies for no apparent reason other than for being ugly/weird?
Everywhere I went, school, work, around my neighboorhood, even among my own family, I always get a lot of negativism and toxicity trown at me. Like mosts wizards, I'm a very reclusive person, but I try to be friendly and courteous when normalfags speak to me, not because I want them as friends, but to avoid confrontation. I never mess with anyone, yet people always find a way to make an enemy out of me. I don't have a single friend, yet I'm surrounded by people who hate me. I'm tired of being everyone's punching bag, I always thought it'd end after higschool, but it never ended because most normalfags act like teenagers their whole lives. it's so annoying.
Everywhere I went, school, work, around my neighboorhood, even among my own family, I always get a lot of negativism and toxicity trown at me. Like mosts wizards, I'm a very reclusive person, but I try to be friendly and courteous when normalfags speak to me, not because I want them as friends, but to avoid confrontation. I never mess with anyone, yet people always find a way to make an enemy out of me. I don't have a single friend, yet I'm surrounded by people who hate me. I'm tired of being everyone's punching bag, I always thought it'd end after higschool, but it never ended because most normalfags act like teenagers their whole lives. it's so annoying.
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>>261058
yes, i'm going through the same shit as you pal, at least i can always hang myself if it gets too shitty
yes, i'm going through the same shit as you pal, at least i can always hang myself if it gets too shitty
>>261058
Yes, my submissive body language and ugliness attracts literal and metaphorical violence constantly.
Yes, my submissive body language and ugliness attracts literal and metaphorical violence constantly.
>>261058
It only happens to me when I feel depersonalized or become unstable. It's like they can sniff blood. Otherwise I'm perfectly able to handle normies.
It only happens to me when I feel depersonalized or become unstable. It's like they can sniff blood. Otherwise I'm perfectly able to handle normies.
I have an interview for a job this next friday, I don't even want/need a job but my parents pressured me to apply.
Applying via linkedin made me physically ill,seeing all these people with ambitions, well paying jobs and high end position, it used to make me envious, but now I don't even care anymore, honestly my only ambition right now is to stay here and play videogames and watch anime, I don't think its worth putting so much effort into a proper career, I wouldn't be any happier if I had one of those high end jobs, I don't even care that much about money and there's nothing else I want to buy anymore.
Applying via linkedin made me physically ill,seeing all these people with ambitions, well paying jobs and high end position, it used to make me envious, but now I don't even care anymore, honestly my only ambition right now is to stay here and play videogames and watch anime, I don't think its worth putting so much effort into a proper career, I wouldn't be any happier if I had one of those high end jobs, I don't even care that much about money and there's nothing else I want to buy anymore.
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anyone else feel disgusted by hygiene? I do brush my teeth cause losing teeth is a horribly painful,but I dislike washing/showering, I havent used shamppo in like 5 years(only soap),and most time i only water my body without using soap or sponge.
Dunno why I have this mindset, its not a fetish and I dont like trash or dirt. But I just loathe hygiene,
Dunno why I have this mindset, its not a fetish and I dont like trash or dirt. But I just loathe hygiene,
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Many here probably have heard of rational suicide or animals such as dogs commiting suicide. I had a newborn cat that was attacked by a male and survived crippled. Its small body grew big cysts which the mother cat bit and cleaned. What happened then was that the once pleasurable affection of the mother turned into torturous pain, because the licking opened its wounds more and made it bleed. So the small kitten stayed almost all day long in a corner alone, avoiding its mother, barely eating at all. One day it jumped thrice from big height while I was away, after which it died one day later.
The kitten's life was pretty much 90% torture, it would only make sense that it actually commited suicide.
The kitten's life was pretty much 90% torture, it would only make sense that it actually commited suicide.
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I was feeling okay today and then some normalfags walk past me and say "What the fuck is wrong with his hair?" and start laughing. I already have negative self-esteem and am paranoid about my hair because it's impossible to style and that killed me, seriously what are the chances that on the rare occasion I have to go outside I walk into some troglodytes who openly mock me, and they pick the exact thing I'm constantly self-conscious about no less. It just confirms everything, that I'm ugly and weird looking, it's like the demiurge just spawned in some hostile mobs to remind me that yeah, this is your life, it's never going to change, you'll never fit in, better get used to it. I guess I could shave my head but I would hate that, I like mine long-ish but tidy, but apparently people think that's weird, it's life literally telling me to conform (adapt) or die. I guess I'll just die.
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my ideology of being extremely conservative is slowly turning me into a criminal and/or a bum. I refuse to seek employment because my salary will be taxed. I dont buy almost nothing anymore,since all products carry tax.
Im starting to see money itself as a tax,im like a jain monk who did the fusion dance with a trenchoat preacher who grew up in the middle of the desert attending KKK meetings on sunday
Im starting to see money itself as a tax,im like a jain monk who did the fusion dance with a trenchoat preacher who grew up in the middle of the desert attending KKK meetings on sunday
>>261124
I have 0 qualms or scruples about trolling,if thats what you mean.
but taxes are used for condoms, sex "ed", sex "reassignment" surgeries, pro-sodomitical propaganda and treating AIDS(lets rather treat cancer ,which isnt a literal divine punishment)
I have 0 qualms or scruples about trolling,if thats what you mean.
but taxes are used for condoms, sex "ed", sex "reassignment" surgeries, pro-sodomitical propaganda and treating AIDS(lets rather treat cancer ,which isnt a literal divine punishment)
>>261117
>it's like the demiurge just spawned in some hostile mobs
You are onto something here. I have had similar experiences were you go "how the fuck can I have this much bad luck?". I call it "the Loki god" because I feel that he is mocking me, fucking with me.
Another possible explanation is what Carl Jung called synchronicities, he wrote a whole book about them. A lot of people call it "law of attraction", meaning that if you are emotionally focused on something the universe will manifest it for you, good or bad. In your case, it spawned those mobs for you because you were emotional about your hair.
If its only bad luck, the Demiurge or some weird law of attraction, I don't know, but it is a very interesting to investigate.
Try something simple to begin with: you say "I already have negative self-esteem and am paranoid about my hair", so instead of fighting it and getting worked up and insecure about it, give in and fully embrace it. Mock it yourself every time it comes to your mind, say something in the order of "yea my hair looks weird lol, It looks like shit and there is no fixing it. I look like shit, fuck it." Use the exact words that come into your mind and torment you about it. If you manage to give in and accept it, It would stop bothering you, so you'll stop been emotional about it and either if its the Demiurge or the Law of attraction, it would stop spawning mobs to fuck with you about it because it will no longer have power over you.
>it's like the demiurge just spawned in some hostile mobs
You are onto something here. I have had similar experiences were you go "how the fuck can I have this much bad luck?". I call it "the Loki god" because I feel that he is mocking me, fucking with me.
Another possible explanation is what Carl Jung called synchronicities, he wrote a whole book about them. A lot of people call it "law of attraction", meaning that if you are emotionally focused on something the universe will manifest it for you, good or bad. In your case, it spawned those mobs for you because you were emotional about your hair.
If its only bad luck, the Demiurge or some weird law of attraction, I don't know, but it is a very interesting to investigate.
Try something simple to begin with: you say "I already have negative self-esteem and am paranoid about my hair", so instead of fighting it and getting worked up and insecure about it, give in and fully embrace it. Mock it yourself every time it comes to your mind, say something in the order of "yea my hair looks weird lol, It looks like shit and there is no fixing it. I look like shit, fuck it." Use the exact words that come into your mind and torment you about it. If you manage to give in and accept it, It would stop bothering you, so you'll stop been emotional about it and either if its the Demiurge or the Law of attraction, it would stop spawning mobs to fuck with you about it because it will no longer have power over you.
>>261117
Are you in the US? I don't know why people there are so rude towards each other for no reason, I live in a 3rd world shithole and people have never said something like that to me in public (except in school or job but in the latter case was pure banter).
Maybe because people here are mostly ugly so they don't fuck with each other so casually.
Are you in the US? I don't know why people there are so rude towards each other for no reason, I live in a 3rd world shithole and people have never said something like that to me in public (except in school or job but in the latter case was pure banter).
Maybe because people here are mostly ugly so they don't fuck with each other so casually.
>>261128
its because here(im third world too) you never know if the other guy is going to pull out a knife or a gun.
and criminals are mostly ugly so…pick your posion.
its because here(im third world too) you never know if the other guy is going to pull out a knife or a gun.
and criminals are mostly ugly so…pick your posion.
>>261127
I'll try, though it's really hard for me not to care because I've been like this for years, thanks.
>>261128
I actually live in England, they were of the loudmouth chav type variety, but even considering that it still seems like a very rare occurrence which is why it feels like such a personally curated smack in the face. Oh well, guess I'm over it now.
I'll try, though it's really hard for me not to care because I've been like this for years, thanks.
>>261128
I actually live in England, they were of the loudmouth chav type variety, but even considering that it still seems like a very rare occurrence which is why it feels like such a personally curated smack in the face. Oh well, guess I'm over it now.
>>261117
is there anything particularly wrong with your hair? you could go to a barber and ask them for a style they think would look good, what about your hair do you not like?
is there anything particularly wrong with your hair? you could go to a barber and ask them for a style they think would look good, what about your hair do you not like?
>own same car for 10 years
>drive less than 30k miles during that time
>car still needs expensive repairs regularly despite not being driven much
Fuck cars. Now I gotta pay over 1000 again just to keep it rolling.
>drive less than 30k miles during that time
>car still needs expensive repairs regularly despite not being driven much
Fuck cars. Now I gotta pay over 1000 again just to keep it rolling.
>>261156
What exactly does it need? Most maintenance can be done at home with simple tools.
What exactly does it need? Most maintenance can be done at home with simple tools.
>>261156
Why would anyone need a car outside the US? public transportation should be comfortable, cheap and fast and no one would even need cars, the japanese way is the the best, you just take a fucking super fast train and why you need cars? people interested in that soyboy ecology and shit should take notice instead of buying retarded teslas.
The only exception is the US that was designed by retards to force everyone to buy cars, but that country was built on mistakes.
Why would anyone need a car outside the US? public transportation should be comfortable, cheap and fast and no one would even need cars, the japanese way is the the best, you just take a fucking super fast train and why you need cars? people interested in that soyboy ecology and shit should take notice instead of buying retarded teslas.
The only exception is the US that was designed by retards to force everyone to buy cars, but that country was built on mistakes.
I think I have a stomach ulcer. My upper abdomen has a dull ache when I exert myself even a little bit.
>>261165
Public transportation would be a good idea but it actually sucks in most areas because you're forced to be in a bus, train or subway with a bunch of retarded antisocial people.
I've been exposed to a lot of bullshit when taking public transport. I saw violence, sexual harassment, robberies, random people getting pressed by sandniggers and a lot of other unnecessary stuff that I would have never been exposed to if I got to my destination in a car.
I guess its different if you live in some kind of rural area or where only rich people live but other than that public transport is just unsafe since youre forced to be next to some of the most fucked up people.
Public transportation would be a good idea but it actually sucks in most areas because you're forced to be in a bus, train or subway with a bunch of retarded antisocial people.
I've been exposed to a lot of bullshit when taking public transport. I saw violence, sexual harassment, robberies, random people getting pressed by sandniggers and a lot of other unnecessary stuff that I would have never been exposed to if I got to my destination in a car.
I guess its different if you live in some kind of rural area or where only rich people live but other than that public transport is just unsafe since youre forced to be next to some of the most fucked up people.
>>261175
I'm not saying that the current state of public transportation is the way to go, in fact I said that a public transportation that is cheap, relatively comfortable and safe is way better than cars, if public transport was good everyone would use them instead of cars.
I'm not saying that the current state of public transportation is the way to go, in fact I said that a public transportation that is cheap, relatively comfortable and safe is way better than cars, if public transport was good everyone would use them instead of cars.
>>261177
I seriously think the only way to make public transport safer is to deploy security guards and separating vehicles into different classes like on an airplane so you can stay away from the ghetto people if you pay a bit more for a ticket.
I don't even want to be elitist and I'm not rich at all but I'd happily pay more for a ticket if it means that I don't have to take a seat next to these demons.
I seriously think the only way to make public transport safer is to deploy security guards and separating vehicles into different classes like on an airplane so you can stay away from the ghetto people if you pay a bit more for a ticket.
I don't even want to be elitist and I'm not rich at all but I'd happily pay more for a ticket if it means that I don't have to take a seat next to these demons.
>>261180
I still think that Japan even with all its faults provides a good example of what a decent public transport system can achieve.
I watched a documentary some time ago that said that most young adults don't really see the need to buy a car at all because public transport is enough.
I still think that Japan even with all its faults provides a good example of what a decent public transport system can achieve.
I watched a documentary some time ago that said that most young adults don't really see the need to buy a car at all because public transport is enough.
>>261182
Japanese culture is way different in general, they have less of the really antisocial loud retards that we have in the west, they are also culturally stronger and don't import masses of people from other cultures that don't fit in so they can live as they please which is usually rather polite and quiet.
Japanese culture is way different in general, they have less of the really antisocial loud retards that we have in the west, they are also culturally stronger and don't import masses of people from other cultures that don't fit in so they can live as they please which is usually rather polite and quiet.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwHcJABg-vM
A lovely song about how livig in modern day Athens is degenerate.
A lovely song about how livig in modern day Athens is degenerate.
>>261163
Alternator replacement is the big one. Check engine light too. Rest is just basic maintenance but I don't have a level spot to do it at home.
Alternator replacement is the big one. Check engine light too. Rest is just basic maintenance but I don't have a level spot to do it at home.
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im not a very religious or even spiritual person but I kinda want to enter a cult(knowing its a cult),and then follow trough until I forget im in a cult.
I dont want to get my cheeks busted in India, so something more "mild" like mormons or scientology.
mormons are big on marriage,by COS is against pre-marital s-x.
umbanda cults are too much tho,and theyre usually in the slums
I dont want to get my cheeks busted in India, so something more "mild" like mormons or scientology.
mormons are big on marriage,by COS is against pre-marital s-x.
umbanda cults are too much tho,and theyre usually in the slums
>>261208
dude you're in a car, you are in the position of power. If someone tries to mug you just drive away. As for accidents just go slow and let others have the right of way.
dude you're in a car, you are in the position of power. If someone tries to mug you just drive away. As for accidents just go slow and let others have the right of way.
>>261208
Is you area prone to criminals robbing cars? if yes, then take the course and buy a gun just in case
https://www.trainingandlogistics.com/v2/courses/driver-training/evasive-driving-anti-kidnap-security-training/
Is you area prone to criminals robbing cars? if yes, then take the course and buy a gun just in case
https://www.trainingandlogistics.com/v2/courses/driver-training/evasive-driving-anti-kidnap-security-training/
>>261206
I learned how to drive at 25 and I didn't have any experience before that.
This might sound like a waste of time but what really helped me a lot was getting a Logitech steering wheel with pedals and everything for PC (I recommend getting a cheap g27 but the newer g29 is also good) and downloading realistic simulations such as "City Car Driving" on steam, it really helps you getting used to mechanical stuff such as using the clutch and shifting gears as well as staying focused in traffic and so forth.
Learing how to drive is really not hard and I think the trickiest part about it is traffic itself.
I learned how to drive at 25 and I didn't have any experience before that.
This might sound like a waste of time but what really helped me a lot was getting a Logitech steering wheel with pedals and everything for PC (I recommend getting a cheap g27 but the newer g29 is also good) and downloading realistic simulations such as "City Car Driving" on steam, it really helps you getting used to mechanical stuff such as using the clutch and shifting gears as well as staying focused in traffic and so forth.
Learing how to drive is really not hard and I think the trickiest part about it is traffic itself.
>>261213
No reason to get a manual. They're a hassle to drive and you can't do anything else with your right hand because you always have to shift your car.
I like using my right hand to drink stuff, go on my phone and stuff.
Manuals suck.
No reason to get a manual. They're a hassle to drive and you can't do anything else with your right hand because you always have to shift your car.
I like using my right hand to drink stuff, go on my phone and stuff.
Manuals suck.
>>261212
Most people I know drive manuals but I guess the whole world is based on your own experience. Also learning manual opens up way more options for cars, otherwise you are limited.
Most people I know drive manuals but I guess the whole world is based on your own experience. Also learning manual opens up way more options for cars, otherwise you are limited.
I see many people here complain about "too much" sleeping
sleep deprivation kills brain cells forever.
you should probably sleep MORE.
become a snoozer.
sleep deprivation kills brain cells forever.
you should probably sleep MORE.
become a snoozer.
>>261220
Sleep deprivation is really one of the most damaging things for the human body, not only does it do damage to the brain over time it also literally shrinks the testicles of men and causes all kinds of mental health problems.
Sleep deprivation is really one of the most damaging things for the human body, not only does it do damage to the brain over time it also literally shrinks the testicles of men and causes all kinds of mental health problems.
>>261220
Sleeping is not easy for some.
On most days i just can't sleep and I'm not even anxious or anything.
Sleeping is not easy for some.
On most days i just can't sleep and I'm not even anxious or anything.
>>261236
There has to be some reason for it, most likely mechanical which you could manage to get under control if you are able to detect it
There has to be some reason for it, most likely mechanical which you could manage to get under control if you are able to detect it
>>261206
I might be mentally challenged but I'm horrible at driving. The only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because there's usually other cars to tell me what lanes to go into and when there aren't then nobody's around to see me drive a circle in the middle of the road and awkwardly position myself back into the right lane. But if your brain is normal you'll do fine.
I might be mentally challenged but I'm horrible at driving. The only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because there's usually other cars to tell me what lanes to go into and when there aren't then nobody's around to see me drive a circle in the middle of the road and awkwardly position myself back into the right lane. But if your brain is normal you'll do fine.
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Anyone else go for a car ride in the country or the city and think to themselves that you don't belong there? While driving around, I can't stop thinking about wanting to kill myself and finally escape this place.
I just have a really deep feeling of alienation from everything and it makes me scared to even go outside because there is nothing out there.
I just have a really deep feeling of alienation from everything and it makes me scared to even go outside because there is nothing out there.
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I realized I'm not depressed by default and even though I've thought and idealized suicide I don't want to die
I just want time to draw, that's all. I want to sit in my room with my tablet and just sketch, paint, ink all fucking day I love it so much.
But I HAVE to wageslave and it's killing me. How am I meant to improve when I've got less than 5hrs in a day to draw??
It sound like I'm being overly dramatic but this is seriously all I ever want, it's the -only- thing I enjoy.
I just want time to draw, that's all. I want to sit in my room with my tablet and just sketch, paint, ink all fucking day I love it so much.
But I HAVE to wageslave and it's killing me. How am I meant to improve when I've got less than 5hrs in a day to draw??
It sound like I'm being overly dramatic but this is seriously all I ever want, it's the -only- thing I enjoy.
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>>261294
I've nothing to contribute to your post, just want to say that someone out there has been in the exact same predicament. Literally just counting down the hours until I could get home and draw, or thinking about how any skill I had was slowly atrophying while some stranger took my time in exchange for a pittance.
Incidentally, I am curious as to how some people–high schoolers, college students with part time jobs and the like–manage to get so much done with those 5 short hours of free time. It seems like some people run on a different clock.
I've nothing to contribute to your post, just want to say that someone out there has been in the exact same predicament. Literally just counting down the hours until I could get home and draw, or thinking about how any skill I had was slowly atrophying while some stranger took my time in exchange for a pittance.
Incidentally, I am curious as to how some people–high schoolers, college students with part time jobs and the like–manage to get so much done with those 5 short hours of free time. It seems like some people run on a different clock.
>>261294
>How am I meant to improve when I've got less than 5hrs in a day to draw??
I'm ignorant about drawing. But for music, philosophy, programming and basically every other cognitive hobby, it's well established that 3-5 hours is all that's required in a day. Mozart only wrote music for that amount of time, Schopenhauer only studied for that amount of time.
Is it really different for drawing?
>How am I meant to improve when I've got less than 5hrs in a day to draw??
I'm ignorant about drawing. But for music, philosophy, programming and basically every other cognitive hobby, it's well established that 3-5 hours is all that's required in a day. Mozart only wrote music for that amount of time, Schopenhauer only studied for that amount of time.
Is it really different for drawing?
>>261301
He's just being a baby. If you're doing deliberate practice, you probably can't do more than 3-5 hours a day anyway, it starts to become counter-productive.
>>261299
>I am curious as to how some people […] manage to get so much done with those 5 short hours of free time
They probably don't waste their time whining on imageboards.
He's just being a baby. If you're doing deliberate practice, you probably can't do more than 3-5 hours a day anyway, it starts to become counter-productive.
>>261299
>I am curious as to how some people […] manage to get so much done with those 5 short hours of free time
They probably don't waste their time whining on imageboards.
>>261302
Are you always this condescending or is today an off day for you? Got some sand in your vagina or something?
Are you always this condescending or is today an off day for you? Got some sand in your vagina or something?
>>261303
Eh, sorry bout that pal, wagie job cutting into my "empathetic understanding" practice. What's a guy supposed to do with only 5 hours when you got imageboards and reddit to browse, amirite?
Eh, sorry bout that pal, wagie job cutting into my "empathetic understanding" practice. What's a guy supposed to do with only 5 hours when you got imageboards and reddit to browse, amirite?
>>261188
I've read about a man with mental illness whose relatives advise him to seek faith. 4 monks tried to rape him so he became a satanist in the 90s. Be careful everywhere.
I've read about a man with mental illness whose relatives advise him to seek faith. 4 monks tried to rape him so he became a satanist in the 90s. Be careful everywhere.
I swear I'm losing it
>Constant headaches
>lethargic and lazy
>feel my brain tingling in waves all the time, like random sensations across my frontal lobe
>Feel an infinite myriad of eyes/mirrors, all intertwined with each other
>feel this overwhelming sensation of eternity
>always fuck up my posts, often missing words and making non-sequiturs
>went to sleep last night, had an horrific nightmare
>wake up, feel like a week has passed
>constant fear and terror coming in waves throughout the day.
>Constant headaches
>lethargic and lazy
>feel my brain tingling in waves all the time, like random sensations across my frontal lobe
>Feel an infinite myriad of eyes/mirrors, all intertwined with each other
>feel this overwhelming sensation of eternity
>always fuck up my posts, often missing words and making non-sequiturs
>went to sleep last night, had an horrific nightmare
>wake up, feel like a week has passed
>constant fear and terror coming in waves throughout the day.
All I want is a life completely free of responsibilities. I want to have to do nothing, ever. Even having almost nothing to do feels overwhelming.
>>261333
I really can't work out what's causing this though. I've been clinically depressed before but this is different.
I really can't work out what's causing this though. I've been clinically depressed before but this is different.
>>261336
Responding to you to hopefully give you a note of pleasure. I have the same problem. It's probably the SSRIs I take, but I can't stop them or I start having panic attacks.
Responding to you to hopefully give you a note of pleasure. I have the same problem. It's probably the SSRIs I take, but I can't stop them or I start having panic attacks.
>>261340
Excuse me for being vague
I just feel nothing is real. And I can sort of, perceive, at random times, a myriad of shapes like glass or mirrors, or eyes. All intertwined, going on for infinity. It's not like in the part of the brain that I imagine with, it doesn't feel the same as typical imagination.
I feel emotionally blunted. I get random bouts of sadness or anger that last for a moment, but they dissipate rapidly.
Excuse me for being vague
I just feel nothing is real. And I can sort of, perceive, at random times, a myriad of shapes like glass or mirrors, or eyes. All intertwined, going on for infinity. It's not like in the part of the brain that I imagine with, it doesn't feel the same as typical imagination.
I feel emotionally blunted. I get random bouts of sadness or anger that last for a moment, but they dissipate rapidly.
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>>261302
>>261304
You're pretty retarded if you think I'm not posting this on company time.
>>261301
Studying, 5+hrs is pretty good
Producing something? That's a completely different story. Especially something like a comic/manga, that shit is more ~12hrs of focused work if you want to produce something of decent quality/quantity…
>>261304
You're pretty retarded if you think I'm not posting this on company time.
>>261301
Studying, 5+hrs is pretty good
Producing something? That's a completely different story. Especially something like a comic/manga, that shit is more ~12hrs of focused work if you want to produce something of decent quality/quantity…
>>261339
Sorry to hear that wiz, sounds similar to me. I hate these pills but without them its worse. Hope your day isn't too terrible.
Sorry to hear that wiz, sounds similar to me. I hate these pills but without them its worse. Hope your day isn't too terrible.
I feel like I need to pop pills again. Really I think it's a craving for the bottle.
I take all this heavy shit for psychiatric issues, but they don't care. All they want is clean, sober, retarded wife and get pulled over or whatever. I tried to come at them with the premise that I'm a herbivore man to the avail of six picks once or twice now. I don't like normans.
I take all this heavy shit for psychiatric issues, but they don't care. All they want is clean, sober, retarded wife and get pulled over or whatever. I tried to come at them with the premise that I'm a herbivore man to the avail of six picks once or twice now. I don't like normans.
I've been living like that for almost 14 years. My parents are retiring this year and I'm supposed to find a job after not doing anything for almost a decade and half. I'm not sure what am I going to do.
>>261370
I took a lot of drugs today and it didn't make anything more enjoyable. My brain just doesn't work anymore and it's most likely permanent
I took a lot of drugs today and it didn't make anything more enjoyable. My brain just doesn't work anymore and it's most likely permanent
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Anyone else falling into Diogenes syndrome here?
I don't know how to respond to interactions with people where they are not acting seriously. It just makes me uncomfortable and I wish they would stop.
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>>261334
I know this feeling quite well, sadly we live in a world where we're expected to handle all responsibilities forced upon us, with the consequence of failure being several forms of punishment. A lot of the time this punishment can be social, people looking down on you and downright resenting you, this can be miserable if you're like me and cares deeply about how you're perceived by people, perhaps due to a lack of self esteem, being a people pleaser, or just having a dependent personality in general. Still, the main form of punishment we have to endure if we fail to meet expectations in life, fail to do what's expected of us, is to starve, there's no sugar coating this. I don't know if you're on the same boat, but I'm at a stage where, if I could live a full on NEET/Hikikomori life without consequences, without my parents resenting me for it, I still wouldn't be happy, not even close, but it'd at least be a comfortable misery, which is superior to the uncomfortable misery I have to endure when my responsibilities knock on my door. I share the sentiment you described in your last sentence, sometimes there's so little to do, and even though it's something I don't want to do I can still see it's not much, it should be simple, but it feels like torture, and then I look at the people around me and all of them do 10x as much every single day, and seem to handle it well, they seem proud of it even, it's this kind of thing that makes me feel I'm just not cut out for something like life at all. It feels like we're glasses filled with water, one more drop and it'll all overflow and make a mess, any small task I'm given, anything I'm suddently expected to do, it drives me mad.
I know this feeling quite well, sadly we live in a world where we're expected to handle all responsibilities forced upon us, with the consequence of failure being several forms of punishment. A lot of the time this punishment can be social, people looking down on you and downright resenting you, this can be miserable if you're like me and cares deeply about how you're perceived by people, perhaps due to a lack of self esteem, being a people pleaser, or just having a dependent personality in general. Still, the main form of punishment we have to endure if we fail to meet expectations in life, fail to do what's expected of us, is to starve, there's no sugar coating this. I don't know if you're on the same boat, but I'm at a stage where, if I could live a full on NEET/Hikikomori life without consequences, without my parents resenting me for it, I still wouldn't be happy, not even close, but it'd at least be a comfortable misery, which is superior to the uncomfortable misery I have to endure when my responsibilities knock on my door. I share the sentiment you described in your last sentence, sometimes there's so little to do, and even though it's something I don't want to do I can still see it's not much, it should be simple, but it feels like torture, and then I look at the people around me and all of them do 10x as much every single day, and seem to handle it well, they seem proud of it even, it's this kind of thing that makes me feel I'm just not cut out for something like life at all. It feels like we're glasses filled with water, one more drop and it'll all overflow and make a mess, any small task I'm given, anything I'm suddently expected to do, it drives me mad.
>>261430
Stop being like him man, yeah he was fucking based doing whatever he wants and being a dog, but in the end its not worth it. You can live and feel better than this.
Stop being like him man, yeah he was fucking based doing whatever he wants and being a dog, but in the end its not worth it. You can live and feel better than this.
>>261440
not him but I've lived with a perfectly clean room with nice stuff, and a filthy nigger room where half my stuff was ruined from being buried in dirty trash.
I felt equally shit both ways. My room is currently clean (had to clean up to humor my mom's roommate) and I'm still just as suicidal and don't give a fuck.
the only thing I do is use the computer. so long as it's accessible, the surrounding area is completely irrelevant to me and I have no reason to acknowledge it since I'm looking at the computer all day.
I buy lots of stuff I never use because all I care about is the computer, idk hoard consumer addiction or something. my stuff getting wrecked doesn't really bother me.
safety from niggers, air conditioning, computer and internet connection. these are the only things I need. if it's completely covered in piss and decomposing food, Its irrelevant. I just use the bed and the computer, that's it. tidy or not, I pray I die in my sleep.
not him but I've lived with a perfectly clean room with nice stuff, and a filthy nigger room where half my stuff was ruined from being buried in dirty trash.
I felt equally shit both ways. My room is currently clean (had to clean up to humor my mom's roommate) and I'm still just as suicidal and don't give a fuck.
the only thing I do is use the computer. so long as it's accessible, the surrounding area is completely irrelevant to me and I have no reason to acknowledge it since I'm looking at the computer all day.
I buy lots of stuff I never use because all I care about is the computer, idk hoard consumer addiction or something. my stuff getting wrecked doesn't really bother me.
safety from niggers, air conditioning, computer and internet connection. these are the only things I need. if it's completely covered in piss and decomposing food, Its irrelevant. I just use the bed and the computer, that's it. tidy or not, I pray I die in my sleep.
>>261433
>if I could live a full on NEET/Hikikomori life without consequences, without my parents resenting me for it, I still wouldn't be happy, not even close, but it'd at least be a comfortable misery, which is superior to the uncomfortable misery I have to endure when my responsibilities knock on my door.
Exactly.
>if I could live a full on NEET/Hikikomori life without consequences, without my parents resenting me for it, I still wouldn't be happy, not even close, but it'd at least be a comfortable misery, which is superior to the uncomfortable misery I have to endure when my responsibilities knock on my door.
Exactly.
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god, every time change comes, its a negative
It is so absurd I sit here using meditation techniques and ancient knowledge meant to lead people to enlightenment, to try and corral my mind and get up to do a simple chore like emptying a cat litter tray.
What a rotten mind and rotten soul.
What a rotten mind and rotten soul.
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>>261451
wonder if back in the day clearing out a stable, pen, sty, stall, kennel, coop, etc, was considered a chore or not. part of the problem may be emptying that tray isn't really a simple chore, but that our view of cleaning has changed
this would explain why to people in temples and palaces using those meditative techniques together with cleaning made natural sense, but to us it now seems absurd like you say
wonder if back in the day clearing out a stable, pen, sty, stall, kennel, coop, etc, was considered a chore or not. part of the problem may be emptying that tray isn't really a simple chore, but that our view of cleaning has changed
this would explain why to people in temples and palaces using those meditative techniques together with cleaning made natural sense, but to us it now seems absurd like you say
>>261454
really? i'd be curious to see what you're citing, as it contradicts the attitude you would expect people to have to their own livestock, and ritual cleaning and washing practices. the current word chore only originates in 1751
really? i'd be curious to see what you're citing, as it contradicts the attitude you would expect people to have to their own livestock, and ritual cleaning and washing practices. the current word chore only originates in 1751
>>261453
>but to us it now seems absurd like you say
No it doesn't. Having a clean, uncluttered mind and having a clean, uncluttered living space still makes complete natural sense and go hand in hand even without a religious reasoning behind it. One thing complements the other and you live a lot better if you have those things. The problem with that anon is that he's mentally ill and unable to do the simplest of things.
I read about depressed people who will soil their beds because they feel getting up and going to the bathroom is 'too hard'. Now imagine that. Don't tell me they're shitting their pants because our view of cleaning has changed. Being mentally fucked up to the point of living in filth is not a matter of changing perspective on cleanliness, it's a matter of being fucked up in the head.
>but to us it now seems absurd like you say
No it doesn't. Having a clean, uncluttered mind and having a clean, uncluttered living space still makes complete natural sense and go hand in hand even without a religious reasoning behind it. One thing complements the other and you live a lot better if you have those things. The problem with that anon is that he's mentally ill and unable to do the simplest of things.
I read about depressed people who will soil their beds because they feel getting up and going to the bathroom is 'too hard'. Now imagine that. Don't tell me they're shitting their pants because our view of cleaning has changed. Being mentally fucked up to the point of living in filth is not a matter of changing perspective on cleanliness, it's a matter of being fucked up in the head.
>>261457
meditative cleaning is still practiced today in buddhist monasteries, but unfortunately i've never come across an account of cleaning in the context of animal husbandry
>>261458
basically you've already decided wizzy is mentally ill and "fucked up in the head" so there are no more questions to ask, so you'll understand why i can't accept that
meditative cleaning is still practiced today in buddhist monasteries, but unfortunately i've never come across an account of cleaning in the context of animal husbandry
>>261458
basically you've already decided wizzy is mentally ill and "fucked up in the head" so there are no more questions to ask, so you'll understand why i can't accept that
>>261461
He said himself his mind is rotten and if he's really unable to get up and dispose some cat litter, I very much agree with him.
He said himself his mind is rotten and if he's really unable to get up and dispose some cat litter, I very much agree with him.
im older than most wizzies here and have to work to support myself. its hard for me because i have a bunch of mental illnesses. i used to be on disability for it but i made the mistake of accepting a job ages back so they cancelled my pension. living costs are way higher than what disability benefits pay anyway so meh.
i just feel overwhelmed sometimes because holding down a job when ur fucked up is very difficult yet if you dont bills start piling up. i worry about debt, jobs, staying fit enough to work, the future. sometimes it stresses me out so much i cant sleep. normies make life seem so easy, i swearr
i just feel overwhelmed sometimes because holding down a job when ur fucked up is very difficult yet if you dont bills start piling up. i worry about debt, jobs, staying fit enough to work, the future. sometimes it stresses me out so much i cant sleep. normies make life seem so easy, i swearr
>>261471
I can't imagine ever working. if it ever came down to it I would just be homeless forever.
I can't imagine ever working. if it ever came down to it I would just be homeless forever.
I was taking nicotine for a while but then it stopped working. Then I was taking adderall, stopped working. Modafinil stopped working. Ritalin stopped working. Can I find just one drug that lets me cope in peace
>>261474
That sucks wiz, headaches are awful, turbo sleep ruiners. Please drink lots of water to rule out inflammation through dehydration and give your eyes a break from bright screens.
That sucks wiz, headaches are awful, turbo sleep ruiners. Please drink lots of water to rule out inflammation through dehydration and give your eyes a break from bright screens.
>>261476
your muscles use electricity to move, they can’t take their hand off the deadly current because the electrical signals in their hand are being messed with
your muscles use electricity to move, they can’t take their hand off the deadly current because the electrical signals in their hand are being messed with
>>261476
>>261478
From what I've heard if you connect to something high voltage with your palm your hand will automatically clutch and keep holding that grip, if one wishes to live they should approach it with the back of their hand.
>>261478
From what I've heard if you connect to something high voltage with your palm your hand will automatically clutch and keep holding that grip, if one wishes to live they should approach it with the back of their hand.
>>260930
i realized i need a small group of friends or a community to be a part of. doesn't matter what it is really as long as we have similar views. humans are supposed to have a small group of friends not be alone 24/7
i realized i need a small group of friends or a community to be a part of. doesn't matter what it is really as long as we have similar views. humans are supposed to have a small group of friends not be alone 24/7
>>261087
they are normies, theres just as many people who dont give a fuck about jobs as well. who cares about normies they arent special, they just do what theyre told lmao
they are normies, theres just as many people who dont give a fuck about jobs as well. who cares about normies they arent special, they just do what theyre told lmao
>>261219
really would help some people understand that theres so many different flavor of persons they shouldnt feel bad about who they are.
really would help some people understand that theres so many different flavor of persons they shouldnt feel bad about who they are.
>>261472
working doesnt bother me since i have nothing else to do with my time anyway. its the fitting in with normies who dont get that you have no life goals
working doesnt bother me since i have nothing else to do with my time anyway. its the fitting in with normies who dont get that you have no life goals
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i wish i could try communicating with the external world one last time. i dont think anyone will read this and even if they do its just undecipherable gibberish anyways. and im not good at communicating, i always forget what i wanted to say. im a freak. i dont know how to communicate and every time i try i fail. someday this post will 404 and there will be no more evidence that i existed.
its over, theres no escape from where i am. i just spend all my time wishing i had another life while waiting for the right time to kill myself.
i wish i had been born into a normal life as myself thats all. my parents are both mentally ill, my mom has adhd and my dad autism/schizophrenia, they made my life hell. i wish there were a god watching over me while i was growing up, that someone would know what ive been through. most of all i think medicine destroyed my brain on a physical level. i was forced to take 5 times the maximum recommended dose for an adult of several different pills from when i was about 4 to my early 20s by a crazy mother. she used to leave me alone the whole day with no food or water in a locked room and i would cry as a child and she found out she could make me shut up with pills. the more my mind heals the more i realize how devastating that was. and even then i still have many skills and abilities that would make the finest mathematicians jealous. i have no idea how far i could have gone if i had been raised by a normal family and if i had a chance to grow and be myself.
i like things like programming, mathematics, drawing and music, i love them. thats all i care about. those things let me show what i really am, beyond the carcass of flesh. those things give me so much freedom. especially maths. i need those things, i breath them. they let me be useful in this world. and they let me prove that im real, that i exist.
im very lucky. out of the 8 billion people on earth, i feel like i must be among the 20th to 50th luckiest persons on all of earth, thats what it feels like. i wouldnt be surprised if i were the single luckiest person on earth in some regard.
i dont know, i couldnt do anything in this life. it felt like being a legless wheelchairer, it felt like living my whole life on a hospital bed. i wanted to live, i wanted that a lot. it just felt like being in a cage. it felt like being aborted and living as the ghost of the person that would have been. i feel like i didnt exist. i didnt exist.
i wish i knew more about myself, i wish i could see how i far i can go, i wanted to learn more about myself. i wanted to be free, i think i could have been free.
you really should hate me. if you could see what i can see, youd hate me because i failed you, i failed to deliver, i could not give you any of the things i was supposed to give you. i failed my purpose, youd be angry at me if you knew.
i spend all my time wishing it were different. i dont play videogames, i dont watch anime, i just focus on not forgetting and imagining a life where im free and i can be myself. i feel like i had the world slip through my fingers. ive never cared about not having friends or a girlfriend, i dont care that ive never even fitted in any online community, i dont care if i only wear ugly old clothes or miss out on fun things like drugs or if i eat the exact same bland meal every day, i just wanted to dedicate every fiber and moment of my existence to studying and making things. i wanted to have spent all my childhood studying and go to an elite university. i know its boring for most people but then work in a hedge fund or an alphabet agency. most likely make and sell software to companies and individuals. keep studying and obsessively working on projects for the rest of my life. thats the only path for freaks like me but i didnt get a chance to follow it. i wish i could start over. i wish i had a chance. if theres a god reading this, please give me another chance. ill do anything, please let me try. please let me be myself. i wish i could be born again in this world after i die, i wish i were born around the same year but into a different family, i dont wish i were wealthy or good looking, just that i were the same internally and with a chance to grow up and develop like everyone had.
i dont know what happens after death. i think there is something indestructible inside me, something like a will or an essence, and i dont know, it wants to be free, or fulfill its purpose, i dont know. i think it could have been free and useful to others in this world but in the end it couldnt. i dont know what will happen to it after death. maybe ill reincarnate in a different world with different rules and ill have no memory of this world. i dont know, i think it really is indestructible, i think death isnt enough to stop it, but i think my role was in this world, not somewhere else.
i dont know, im really bad at words, i dont know how to describe this, but theres something very special inside me, like a light or a diamond, im very proud of it, its all that matters to me, its so precious. but i think it was a lamp under the bushel.
i dont know, im sorry for typing a wall of unreadable nonsense schizo gibberish. there are a lot more things i wish i could say, i wish i could communicate how i feel, but i give up on that.
its over, theres no escape from where i am. i just spend all my time wishing i had another life while waiting for the right time to kill myself.
i wish i had been born into a normal life as myself thats all. my parents are both mentally ill, my mom has adhd and my dad autism/schizophrenia, they made my life hell. i wish there were a god watching over me while i was growing up, that someone would know what ive been through. most of all i think medicine destroyed my brain on a physical level. i was forced to take 5 times the maximum recommended dose for an adult of several different pills from when i was about 4 to my early 20s by a crazy mother. she used to leave me alone the whole day with no food or water in a locked room and i would cry as a child and she found out she could make me shut up with pills. the more my mind heals the more i realize how devastating that was. and even then i still have many skills and abilities that would make the finest mathematicians jealous. i have no idea how far i could have gone if i had been raised by a normal family and if i had a chance to grow and be myself.
i like things like programming, mathematics, drawing and music, i love them. thats all i care about. those things let me show what i really am, beyond the carcass of flesh. those things give me so much freedom. especially maths. i need those things, i breath them. they let me be useful in this world. and they let me prove that im real, that i exist.
im very lucky. out of the 8 billion people on earth, i feel like i must be among the 20th to 50th luckiest persons on all of earth, thats what it feels like. i wouldnt be surprised if i were the single luckiest person on earth in some regard.
i dont know, i couldnt do anything in this life. it felt like being a legless wheelchairer, it felt like living my whole life on a hospital bed. i wanted to live, i wanted that a lot. it just felt like being in a cage. it felt like being aborted and living as the ghost of the person that would have been. i feel like i didnt exist. i didnt exist.
i wish i knew more about myself, i wish i could see how i far i can go, i wanted to learn more about myself. i wanted to be free, i think i could have been free.
you really should hate me. if you could see what i can see, youd hate me because i failed you, i failed to deliver, i could not give you any of the things i was supposed to give you. i failed my purpose, youd be angry at me if you knew.
i spend all my time wishing it were different. i dont play videogames, i dont watch anime, i just focus on not forgetting and imagining a life where im free and i can be myself. i feel like i had the world slip through my fingers. ive never cared about not having friends or a girlfriend, i dont care that ive never even fitted in any online community, i dont care if i only wear ugly old clothes or miss out on fun things like drugs or if i eat the exact same bland meal every day, i just wanted to dedicate every fiber and moment of my existence to studying and making things. i wanted to have spent all my childhood studying and go to an elite university. i know its boring for most people but then work in a hedge fund or an alphabet agency. most likely make and sell software to companies and individuals. keep studying and obsessively working on projects for the rest of my life. thats the only path for freaks like me but i didnt get a chance to follow it. i wish i could start over. i wish i had a chance. if theres a god reading this, please give me another chance. ill do anything, please let me try. please let me be myself. i wish i could be born again in this world after i die, i wish i were born around the same year but into a different family, i dont wish i were wealthy or good looking, just that i were the same internally and with a chance to grow up and develop like everyone had.
i dont know what happens after death. i think there is something indestructible inside me, something like a will or an essence, and i dont know, it wants to be free, or fulfill its purpose, i dont know. i think it could have been free and useful to others in this world but in the end it couldnt. i dont know what will happen to it after death. maybe ill reincarnate in a different world with different rules and ill have no memory of this world. i dont know, i think it really is indestructible, i think death isnt enough to stop it, but i think my role was in this world, not somewhere else.
i dont know, im really bad at words, i dont know how to describe this, but theres something very special inside me, like a light or a diamond, im very proud of it, its all that matters to me, its so precious. but i think it was a lamp under the bushel.
i dont know, im sorry for typing a wall of unreadable nonsense schizo gibberish. there are a lot more things i wish i could say, i wish i could communicate how i feel, but i give up on that.
>>261220
I got covid and I’m sleeping like 14 hours a day
The benefit of being tired is you stop caring as much about being able to do barely anything
I got covid and I’m sleeping like 14 hours a day
The benefit of being tired is you stop caring as much about being able to do barely anything
>>261472
I think it makes sense to have a back up plan. You need to look out for yourself lad.
I think it makes sense to have a back up plan. You need to look out for yourself lad.
Being stuck in a rut makes all effort wasted. It's as though forces beyond my control have kept me locked away from life, robbing me of my youth. Some doors are simply not open to people, but there's no indication that any door is open to me at all. For all my efforts to live like a normie it has always been out of my reach. I have no energy, motivation, friends, control over my life, job, money, life experiences, etc.
>>261499
You're not even walking through doors. All that illusion of free will is fake, and it is so for everyone.
You're not even walking through doors. All that illusion of free will is fake, and it is so for everyone.
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bros would traveling to india or africa be a good way to get a new outlook on life? all i can think of is suicide
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>>261506
If you have the energy, you might as well. There’s no actual solution to depression that is applicable to everyone, there’s barely a shared definition because everyone is talking about different shit; especially online. All you can do is grind through different suggestions, starting with ones that have some statistical backing.
Some people solve their problems changing their external environment with travel, finding a more amenable culture, finding nice foreigners to be sociable with , being anonymous in a land that will forget you, foreign religion. It’s about as equal as anything else if you can do it without much hassle. There’s an argument why everything is stupid all you have is the argument it worked for some and might work for you. Obsessions about how X will solve your problems without the ability to achieve it is where it causes problems.
If you have the energy, you might as well. There’s no actual solution to depression that is applicable to everyone, there’s barely a shared definition because everyone is talking about different shit; especially online. All you can do is grind through different suggestions, starting with ones that have some statistical backing.
Some people solve their problems changing their external environment with travel, finding a more amenable culture, finding nice foreigners to be sociable with , being anonymous in a land that will forget you, foreign religion. It’s about as equal as anything else if you can do it without much hassle. There’s an argument why everything is stupid all you have is the argument it worked for some and might work for you. Obsessions about how X will solve your problems without the ability to achieve it is where it causes problems.
It’s funny when you read the start of someone’s message and you think it’s going to be something it can relate to, and then it’s something absurdly normal. Being suicidally depressed because their girlfriend lives in another town, depressed they will be “mediocre” making 60k a year, depressed about not being able to keep up with fashion trends. It’s my own fault which makes it funny, just their opening combination of words resonates in my head being connected to my problems. The moment of regret and dissipation of anticipation chemicals. Foolish habit to keep trying to find people to relate to.
>>261506
Tried that by going to Japan for a month. A lot of it ended up being depression; but in Japan.
I suggest planning nothing so you are too busy to have time to stop and be sad, I don't regret going.
Tried that by going to Japan for a month. A lot of it ended up being depression; but in Japan.
I suggest planning nothing so you are too busy to have time to stop and be sad, I don't regret going.
>>261511
there's nowhere on the internet i can find people who I relate to. Even here it's maybe 1/10 posters. I thought places like r/schizoid, r/anhedonia, r/hikikomori would have kindred souls but it's all normalfags. wahh my job, my girlfriend, my life is so hard because i have too much homework in college. i've been neet for 6 months and i'm going insane!!
god just fuck off.
there's nowhere on the internet i can find people who I relate to. Even here it's maybe 1/10 posters. I thought places like r/schizoid, r/anhedonia, r/hikikomori would have kindred souls but it's all normalfags. wahh my job, my girlfriend, my life is so hard because i have too much homework in college. i've been neet for 6 months and i'm going insane!!
god just fuck off.
>>261512
Wouldn’t it be easier to keep busy if you planned a lot? If I plan nothing, I will sit in my apartment all day. And I hear Japan has tiny apartments.
Wouldn’t it be easier to keep busy if you planned a lot? If I plan nothing, I will sit in my apartment all day. And I hear Japan has tiny apartments.
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Was putting off my suicide for the James Webb Space Telescope pictures and the new Better Call Saul episode…
Both we underwhelming. Guess it's time to end it because this world sucks too bad.
Both we underwhelming. Guess it's time to end it because this world sucks too bad.
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>>261518
is that a gaia online mug? i miss gaia bros
is that a gaia online mug? i miss gaia bros
>>261520
zOMG! was fun. I didn’t understand how to play at all but it was still entertaining enough.
zOMG! was fun. I didn’t understand how to play at all but it was still entertaining enough.
>>261513
I found some hikki jap guy on youtube, he made a discord for hikkis and naturally it's full of larping normals who vent about their ex gfs stalking them, yeah great real hikki shit right there, pathetic.
I found some hikki jap guy on youtube, he made a discord for hikkis and naturally it's full of larping normals who vent about their ex gfs stalking them, yeah great real hikki shit right there, pathetic.
>>261496
You are moderately articulate. I understood most of your essay.
Do you think your mom was malicious when she gave you such heavy dosage of pills or was it because of her retardation? And how do you remember stuff when you were 4 years old? Or did she keep you locked up most of your childhood years.
You can always see how far you can go. You were abused in your childhood doesnt mean those events must continue to be a barrier in your path in the future. Think of it this way: you are trying to dig out a chest of treasures from the ground. But you are afraid while you are digging you might come across skeletons. This fear of skeletons makes you stop digging for the treasure. So in other words, your fears/traumas/imaginary ideas are stopping you from achieving your goal. If you stopped thinking about those you would get where you want with out a sweat.
Your are trying to convey that your potential was taken away from you because of your parents. That is true and not true. Your world could have been wayyyy different if you were raised by normal parents instead of druggie rarted zombies. You could have had an playful childhood, lots of friends, 3D waifu, freedom etc. Your potential to these things you could have had in the past was taken away from you. This part is true. What is not true is that the potential to these things you can have in the future is taken away from you. This is irrational. When it comes to anything future, there is always potential. You are a potential rapper, even if you have never rapped before. I am a potential rapist, even if i have never raped before. There will always be some probability no matter how small. If you are so good at maths as you say, then how come you overlook this simple thing. You still have potential to do anything in the future; it can be big potential or small, you dont know so you dont get to declare that it is small or negligible.
You are moderately articulate. I understood most of your essay.
Do you think your mom was malicious when she gave you such heavy dosage of pills or was it because of her retardation? And how do you remember stuff when you were 4 years old? Or did she keep you locked up most of your childhood years.
You can always see how far you can go. You were abused in your childhood doesnt mean those events must continue to be a barrier in your path in the future. Think of it this way: you are trying to dig out a chest of treasures from the ground. But you are afraid while you are digging you might come across skeletons. This fear of skeletons makes you stop digging for the treasure. So in other words, your fears/traumas/imaginary ideas are stopping you from achieving your goal. If you stopped thinking about those you would get where you want with out a sweat.
Your are trying to convey that your potential was taken away from you because of your parents. That is true and not true. Your world could have been wayyyy different if you were raised by normal parents instead of druggie rarted zombies. You could have had an playful childhood, lots of friends, 3D waifu, freedom etc. Your potential to these things you could have had in the past was taken away from you. This part is true. What is not true is that the potential to these things you can have in the future is taken away from you. This is irrational. When it comes to anything future, there is always potential. You are a potential rapper, even if you have never rapped before. I am a potential rapist, even if i have never raped before. There will always be some probability no matter how small. If you are so good at maths as you say, then how come you overlook this simple thing. You still have potential to do anything in the future; it can be big potential or small, you dont know so you dont get to declare that it is small or negligible.
>>261496
>>261541
You have your whole life ahead of you, yet you are already praying to God to reset/restart your life from the beginning. Why would he give you another chance at the same life when you dont even value the first chance he already gave you. You are declaring that this life was a waste while you dont know anything good that might happen in the future. I cant guarantee that something good will happen even once in the future, it might not. But there's always a possibility. I understand ur past is traumatizing to you; you want to undo all the damage. You want to start anew because of all the grief you carry and the opportunities you have missed. Okay but the false assumption here is that life is meant to be pain-free, normal, enjoyable or to achieve something etc. Why do you think there's much misery around the world? If God meant this life to be spent happily, normally then why there's so much crime in this world?
I think God meant this temporary life to be a testing ground not le happy life. Everyone is given totalen free will. The physical world (even other people) around us is just an interactive way to materialize our free will. To commit good acts as well as commit crimes. This answers the questions why God allows murders and rapes to exist, why he let your mother abuse you etc. To allow free will of such people there had to be victims/medium. What the victims suffer could also be a way to test them; or to change them or their future in a certain way where they eventually will make decisions and will be tested. In the next life we will be held accountable for all what we have done here in this life. Whats the point of this life ,free will, tests, good and evil if everyone dies and reincarnates in this same world as if nothing happened in our previous life. Back to square one? The next life must be dependent on what good and bad we have done here.
So, my friend, pray to God asking him to ease your pain and life. Ask him to give you courage and guidance for the continuous tests and struggles.
>>261541
You have your whole life ahead of you, yet you are already praying to God to reset/restart your life from the beginning. Why would he give you another chance at the same life when you dont even value the first chance he already gave you. You are declaring that this life was a waste while you dont know anything good that might happen in the future. I cant guarantee that something good will happen even once in the future, it might not. But there's always a possibility. I understand ur past is traumatizing to you; you want to undo all the damage. You want to start anew because of all the grief you carry and the opportunities you have missed. Okay but the false assumption here is that life is meant to be pain-free, normal, enjoyable or to achieve something etc. Why do you think there's much misery around the world? If God meant this life to be spent happily, normally then why there's so much crime in this world?
I think God meant this temporary life to be a testing ground not le happy life. Everyone is given totalen free will. The physical world (even other people) around us is just an interactive way to materialize our free will. To commit good acts as well as commit crimes. This answers the questions why God allows murders and rapes to exist, why he let your mother abuse you etc. To allow free will of such people there had to be victims/medium. What the victims suffer could also be a way to test them; or to change them or their future in a certain way where they eventually will make decisions and will be tested. In the next life we will be held accountable for all what we have done here in this life. Whats the point of this life ,free will, tests, good and evil if everyone dies and reincarnates in this same world as if nothing happened in our previous life. Back to square one? The next life must be dependent on what good and bad we have done here.
So, my friend, pray to God asking him to ease your pain and life. Ask him to give you courage and guidance for the continuous tests and struggles.
>>261551
i am new here. does he ever reply back?
>>261554
Maybe you dont know how to read. In his blogpost, he was praying to God and begging for a renewed life that is happy. So I had to share my opinion about God, this life and the afterlife. How would I address him otherwise?
>>261557
Testing ground for what we do with our free will throughout our life. God puts us in different scenarios and tests us. For example a person is accused of theft without any proof and he is being attacked by a crowd. Will you join the crowd, stand by and watch, or will you defend the person accused of theft. This is a simple example where you can understand easily who is right and wrong with just little bit of thinking.
Other scenarios will be more complex and one may not have all the information to form an opinion and decide to act. Tests can occur for long periods of time. Tests can occur through your own planned actions or behaviors. It can occur continuously while you are developing yourself. So tests maybe of different kinds, durations, periods or randomness (not just short and instantaneous). You are expected to always use your intellect to judge between what is right and wrong; having some neutrality. Hope I made sense.
i am new here. does he ever reply back?
>>261554
Maybe you dont know how to read. In his blogpost, he was praying to God and begging for a renewed life that is happy. So I had to share my opinion about God, this life and the afterlife. How would I address him otherwise?
>>261557
Testing ground for what we do with our free will throughout our life. God puts us in different scenarios and tests us. For example a person is accused of theft without any proof and he is being attacked by a crowd. Will you join the crowd, stand by and watch, or will you defend the person accused of theft. This is a simple example where you can understand easily who is right and wrong with just little bit of thinking.
Other scenarios will be more complex and one may not have all the information to form an opinion and decide to act. Tests can occur for long periods of time. Tests can occur through your own planned actions or behaviors. It can occur continuously while you are developing yourself. So tests maybe of different kinds, durations, periods or randomness (not just short and instantaneous). You are expected to always use your intellect to judge between what is right and wrong; having some neutrality. Hope I made sense.
>>261563
In a way suicidal ideations are also a test from God. Only, you fail if you choose to actually commit, since you’re sent to Hell. Am I following this right? Not trying to be condescending, just parsing it all.
In a way suicidal ideations are also a test from God. Only, you fail if you choose to actually commit, since you’re sent to Hell. Am I following this right? Not trying to be condescending, just parsing it all.
>>261566
Since we have total free will to decide and do things, we also have the ability to control and direct our way of thinking. To some extent at least.
Let me tell you a story. There lives a farmer alone in a far distant land. He never left his farm and knows nothing about this world outside his bubble. One day an outsider stumbles upon his place and finds lots of cows that the farmer owns. The outsider asks the stranger to give him the cows in exchange of cash. The confused farmer rejects the offer. He has never exchanged anything before, he doesnt know what cash is and what he could do with it. He could have bought some other cattles/equipments from a city/village. But he never travelled anywhere in his life to understand concepts like cash/exchange. So obviously he rejects something he doesnt understand. In this case you can easily see how his limited world has limited his understanding of this world as well. His rejection is the result of the way of his thinking that he has directed through out his life. He decided never to travel to a city/village, decided never to be curious about the outside world. Such decisions in the past shaped his worldview and lead him to make the decision he did now in the present. He is unaware of all of this that took place in his mind.
All of us do this very thing in numerous and complex ways through out our life, while we are unaware or ignorant about it. If we pay a little bit of attention to our decisions, behaviour, past, way of thinking we can make massive changes in our lives. We will make more correct decisions in our tests, have more confidence in the paths we take.
To answer your question, I believe suicidal ideas are the result of our thinking and experiences. One develops them because of the worldview one has just like the farmer. God gave us free will to create or accept such ideas, such way of thinking, then act on it. I believe we are responsible for all of its different stages. So which part of the suicide is the test and which part is punishable? Creation of the suicidal idea? The state of mind after having such ideas? Or the action of suicide?
I think the part that is the test and punishable by God is the action of suicide. Since the physical world is just a means to express our will, it makes sense that unless something is done in the physical world it doesnt count. A person that has committed suicided will be punished proportionately; i dont believe that everything about hell is just fire and lava.
Hope i made sense.
Since we have total free will to decide and do things, we also have the ability to control and direct our way of thinking. To some extent at least.
Let me tell you a story. There lives a farmer alone in a far distant land. He never left his farm and knows nothing about this world outside his bubble. One day an outsider stumbles upon his place and finds lots of cows that the farmer owns. The outsider asks the stranger to give him the cows in exchange of cash. The confused farmer rejects the offer. He has never exchanged anything before, he doesnt know what cash is and what he could do with it. He could have bought some other cattles/equipments from a city/village. But he never travelled anywhere in his life to understand concepts like cash/exchange. So obviously he rejects something he doesnt understand. In this case you can easily see how his limited world has limited his understanding of this world as well. His rejection is the result of the way of his thinking that he has directed through out his life. He decided never to travel to a city/village, decided never to be curious about the outside world. Such decisions in the past shaped his worldview and lead him to make the decision he did now in the present. He is unaware of all of this that took place in his mind.
All of us do this very thing in numerous and complex ways through out our life, while we are unaware or ignorant about it. If we pay a little bit of attention to our decisions, behaviour, past, way of thinking we can make massive changes in our lives. We will make more correct decisions in our tests, have more confidence in the paths we take.
To answer your question, I believe suicidal ideas are the result of our thinking and experiences. One develops them because of the worldview one has just like the farmer. God gave us free will to create or accept such ideas, such way of thinking, then act on it. I believe we are responsible for all of its different stages. So which part of the suicide is the test and which part is punishable? Creation of the suicidal idea? The state of mind after having such ideas? Or the action of suicide?
I think the part that is the test and punishable by God is the action of suicide. Since the physical world is just a means to express our will, it makes sense that unless something is done in the physical world it doesnt count. A person that has committed suicided will be punished proportionately; i dont believe that everything about hell is just fire and lava.
Hope i made sense.
>>261573
The moral of the story is that one's decision is affected by his worldview or the way of thinking he develops over time.
The farmer rejected an offer because of all the decisions he made in life and how he conditioned himself. The offer was neutral, he could have not needed it or he could have made good use of it. All his life he decided to stay at one place and never travel; he developed an isolationist tendency. I didnt say isolationism is good or bad. I just meant he conditioned himself to become like this i.e. a result of his decision. His world was limited. Then because of his decision to stay at one place he never made an exchange before and didnt know what cash was. Again I didnt say knowing anything about cash is good or bad; I said had he made different decisions before he could have known about these things. Then because of his lack of understanding of cash he rejects the offer. Again I didnt say that the lack of understanding was bad or good for him, I said it played a role in the rejection.
The cumulation of past decisions affects one's worldview. And such worldview affects our new decisions. This is the main point im trying to convey.
>"""your story was complete shit lol. nothing implies the shepherd needs the IOU notes nor "knowledge" of civilization (quite the opposite because he is content with his simple life of fewer desires), nor that the traveller would have offered him a fair deal anyway; more likely that he wouldve considered the shepherd a naive bumpkin and exploited him"""
You are ignoring the main point and looking for holes in the story and attacking strawman. I never implied that the farmer needs those cash or the offer. Didnt imply that having a sustainable life is bad. You say that the outsider mostly would have exploited the farmer. I gave you an imaginary story to convey a simple idea. Instead of sticking to what the writer(me) said, you are imagining more stuff of what possibly could have happened because of what you see in real life. Yes anything is possible; but in the framework of a story something does not happen unless the writer says it happens. Instead of arguing about the moral of the story you are autistically arguing about something pointless you imagined yourself.
>foolish of you to talk about ignorance when faith has a pronounced stifling effect on curiosity.
Religious dogmatism surely did not one's faith.
>"also telling that you use rejection of the traveller's unsolicited money offers as a denial of some virtue."
What is telling? In which part did I imply he was bad for rejecting the offer? Did I ever say the offer was good? All i said his past decisions has limited his worldview which itself affected the current decision.
>>261570 was the reply to >>261566
I tried to explain the origins of suicidal ideas using the farmer story. My opinion is one develops suicidal ideas himself because of his worldview or way of thinking; just like the farmer developed his way of thinking. If you had read my replies as if im selling faith then it just shows how you conditioned yourself to react whenever someone mentions God.
The moral of the story is that one's decision is affected by his worldview or the way of thinking he develops over time.
The farmer rejected an offer because of all the decisions he made in life and how he conditioned himself. The offer was neutral, he could have not needed it or he could have made good use of it. All his life he decided to stay at one place and never travel; he developed an isolationist tendency. I didnt say isolationism is good or bad. I just meant he conditioned himself to become like this i.e. a result of his decision. His world was limited. Then because of his decision to stay at one place he never made an exchange before and didnt know what cash was. Again I didnt say knowing anything about cash is good or bad; I said had he made different decisions before he could have known about these things. Then because of his lack of understanding of cash he rejects the offer. Again I didnt say that the lack of understanding was bad or good for him, I said it played a role in the rejection.
The cumulation of past decisions affects one's worldview. And such worldview affects our new decisions. This is the main point im trying to convey.
>"""your story was complete shit lol. nothing implies the shepherd needs the IOU notes nor "knowledge" of civilization (quite the opposite because he is content with his simple life of fewer desires), nor that the traveller would have offered him a fair deal anyway; more likely that he wouldve considered the shepherd a naive bumpkin and exploited him"""
You are ignoring the main point and looking for holes in the story and attacking strawman. I never implied that the farmer needs those cash or the offer. Didnt imply that having a sustainable life is bad. You say that the outsider mostly would have exploited the farmer. I gave you an imaginary story to convey a simple idea. Instead of sticking to what the writer(me) said, you are imagining more stuff of what possibly could have happened because of what you see in real life. Yes anything is possible; but in the framework of a story something does not happen unless the writer says it happens. Instead of arguing about the moral of the story you are autistically arguing about something pointless you imagined yourself.
>foolish of you to talk about ignorance when faith has a pronounced stifling effect on curiosity.
Religious dogmatism surely did not one's faith.
>"also telling that you use rejection of the traveller's unsolicited money offers as a denial of some virtue."
What is telling? In which part did I imply he was bad for rejecting the offer? Did I ever say the offer was good? All i said his past decisions has limited his worldview which itself affected the current decision.
>>261570 was the reply to >>261566
I tried to explain the origins of suicidal ideas using the farmer story. My opinion is one develops suicidal ideas himself because of his worldview or way of thinking; just like the farmer developed his way of thinking. If you had read my replies as if im selling faith then it just shows how you conditioned yourself to react whenever someone mentions God.
please let me enjoy a hobby please…pleeaaaaseeeeee. I want to be that hikki neet who just plays WoW all day.
>>261587
The story and its moral was explained plainly in the first reply. Your pathetic reading skills and argumentative nature prevented you from understanding it. You wouldnt have attacked so many strawman if you were not dumb yourself.
>i get "triggered" by dumb fuck schizos always soliciting their retarded and less than comprehensive worldviews as cure-alls.
says someone who couldnt even grasp a story about worldview. you get triggered because your own worldview is about being a smug argumentative child.
>all the midlife-crisis MGTOW/PUA dirtbags grifting naive crabs are just as abhorrent as your faggot imaginary friend.
Just because you dont have any friends doesnt mean other people's friend arent real.
The story and its moral was explained plainly in the first reply. Your pathetic reading skills and argumentative nature prevented you from understanding it. You wouldnt have attacked so many strawman if you were not dumb yourself.
>i get "triggered" by dumb fuck schizos always soliciting their retarded and less than comprehensive worldviews as cure-alls.
says someone who couldnt even grasp a story about worldview. you get triggered because your own worldview is about being a smug argumentative child.
>all the midlife-crisis MGTOW/PUA dirtbags grifting naive crabs are just as abhorrent as your faggot imaginary friend.
Just because you dont have any friends doesnt mean other people's friend arent real.
>>261588
>troll claims mgtows are crabs
Stop talking to him. Don't you see it's just a stupid bait?
>schizos are annoying him
Scratch breaking rule 1.
>fed up of comprehensive worldviews blah blah
>>261588
Let his head explode out of pure idiocy if so he is. He won't learn this is no place for him, but that's not to be our problem.
>troll claims mgtows are crabs
Stop talking to him. Don't you see it's just a stupid bait?
>schizos are annoying him
Scratch breaking rule 1.
>fed up of comprehensive worldviews blah blah
>>261588
Let his head explode out of pure idiocy if so he is. He won't learn this is no place for him, but that's not to be our problem.
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>>261593
I guess everyone looks at life differently
I guess everyone looks at life differently
I’m still becoming a worse and worse person lol. 30 years old and there’s no rock bottom. Even trying to stop it for years and I’m getting worse.
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>>261606
I believe hell is a place where we are placed because of our disconnection with God while heaven is a place where we are put because of our connection with God. Each of these places will have physical rewards/punishment.
I believe hell is a place where we are placed because of our disconnection with God while heaven is a place where we are put because of our connection with God. Each of these places will have physical rewards/punishment.
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i failed. i failed. i couldnt. it was impossible. please god, please let me try again. please god, please let me try again. please give me a chance. please let me start it over, i want to start over. please let me be myself. please, let me be free. please. ill do anything. please let me live my life.
It sucks when your parents get older and you see their life get worse, they don’t get rewarded for their struggle they just suffer more. Being surrounded by life stories that falsify the bullshit just world. And I’m a demonstration of the failure, they did everything right and tried but I’m a mentally ill mess. My other family are equally a mess. The genetics etc can’t be outrun in one generation, I see lifetimes of struggling alone in a hostile world from them it didn’t solve it. and the values about wanting to help that are meant to instantiate action or drive don’t work as they should - this realisation does nothing to solve the situation in my broken mind.
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>>261640
I know exactly what you mean. First of all, getting older is the worst, our bodies start to fail us more often, and also cause more and more pain, which results in them having to go to the doctor often, pay for medication, suffer due to the medication's side effects sometimes… it's all just awful. What hurts the most is that, just like your parents, mine struggle and don't really get rewarded for it, and in a way it's what made me sort of give up on life in the first place. When I look at their lives, I see hardworking and good people, who spend 90% of their time stressed and tired because they have to do so many things they don't want to do, then they get home and rest for a bit, maybe watch a show or read a book, and in the next day they do it all over again, can I really say that they're happy? My parents raised me well, they were loving, perfect even, but I'm still a mess, because that's how the world works, even if you do everything right things still find a way to go wrong, I'm probably their biggest failure, someone they had hopes in who ended up being a NEET that leeches off of them, and it hurts so much to see them become more ill, more tired, more miserable every day. I'm starting to think that maybe none of us did anything wrong, perhaps life is just fundamentally miserable, and we were doomed from the get go.
I know exactly what you mean. First of all, getting older is the worst, our bodies start to fail us more often, and also cause more and more pain, which results in them having to go to the doctor often, pay for medication, suffer due to the medication's side effects sometimes… it's all just awful. What hurts the most is that, just like your parents, mine struggle and don't really get rewarded for it, and in a way it's what made me sort of give up on life in the first place. When I look at their lives, I see hardworking and good people, who spend 90% of their time stressed and tired because they have to do so many things they don't want to do, then they get home and rest for a bit, maybe watch a show or read a book, and in the next day they do it all over again, can I really say that they're happy? My parents raised me well, they were loving, perfect even, but I'm still a mess, because that's how the world works, even if you do everything right things still find a way to go wrong, I'm probably their biggest failure, someone they had hopes in who ended up being a NEET that leeches off of them, and it hurts so much to see them become more ill, more tired, more miserable every day. I'm starting to think that maybe none of us did anything wrong, perhaps life is just fundamentally miserable, and we were doomed from the get go.
Being a failure is a sign of wizardry and that you don't belong with the normans. The failed normalfags are those who still play by their rules where failure is a seen as a sign of weakness.
I didn't ask to come here, yet I can't bring myself to leave. I feel I was put here by some sort of supernatural force to teach itself something he couldn't know. It couldn't know. The optical input of my ears and retina stares into me. Ugliness is not what I see in the mirror but in the hearts of men. I fear many evils, though I cannot escape, and I know of it's inevitable and painful ends. How I wish I could forget all that plagues, and though I can with the bottle, we both know it's only a real psychological bandaid for a dismal end. Perhaps all IS lost and I have been distracting myself from that which was my destiny.
my parents can’t even raise a dog properly, it’s absurd that people like this are allowed to breed
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i'm an autistic frendlet.
i have been failing at everything i was passionated about for the past decade.
i used to be sick of the routine of my minimum pay working cog life.
then i got sick of being sick of it.
i'm now over the edge, i can't fcuking play this shit game no more, man.
what put me over the edge was failing my driving license for the second time going though the whole process twice.
i'm a supid shit man, i can tell by everybody in my life doing everything better then me at every turn, and my coworkers just finding the answers infinitely quciker then me.
i just wish i was better and i have been trying my best and its not very rewarding.
i'm stuggling with my failures, it fucking hurts.
i have been failing at everything i was passionated about for the past decade.
i used to be sick of the routine of my minimum pay working cog life.
then i got sick of being sick of it.
i'm now over the edge, i can't fcuking play this shit game no more, man.
what put me over the edge was failing my driving license for the second time going though the whole process twice.
i'm a supid shit man, i can tell by everybody in my life doing everything better then me at every turn, and my coworkers just finding the answers infinitely quciker then me.
i just wish i was better and i have been trying my best and its not very rewarding.
i'm stuggling with my failures, it fucking hurts.
>>261772
>what put me over the edge was failing my driving license for the second time going though the whole process twice.
That is completely normal and a reason why so many normies fail to get licenses until their early to mid twenties.
It's not talked about, but AA (I think it's the DMV in the states) departments in most countries have been increasingly upping the requirements for driving tests and causing most teenagers taking them to fucking fail, and brutally fail. People here regularly racked up six attempts, being failed for the most bullshit reasons like "You identified the hazard as a vehicle but didn't identify it as a rubbish truck". It got so bad at one point that the old guy running the test was at risk of getting smacked over because the entire town was sick of the cunt.
There is almost nobody here that didn't fail some level of the license at least once, I failed my restricted test, and I took the test at 22. My brother failed four times, my old neighbor three.
So at least don't let that driving test get you down. I'd straight up just drive without a license to get skill, you're going to get good through experience and your risk of getting caught is low.
>what put me over the edge was failing my driving license for the second time going though the whole process twice.
That is completely normal and a reason why so many normies fail to get licenses until their early to mid twenties.
It's not talked about, but AA (I think it's the DMV in the states) departments in most countries have been increasingly upping the requirements for driving tests and causing most teenagers taking them to fucking fail, and brutally fail. People here regularly racked up six attempts, being failed for the most bullshit reasons like "You identified the hazard as a vehicle but didn't identify it as a rubbish truck". It got so bad at one point that the old guy running the test was at risk of getting smacked over because the entire town was sick of the cunt.
There is almost nobody here that didn't fail some level of the license at least once, I failed my restricted test, and I took the test at 22. My brother failed four times, my old neighbor three.
So at least don't let that driving test get you down. I'd straight up just drive without a license to get skill, you're going to get good through experience and your risk of getting caught is low.
>>261800
And feeling really fucking stupid is how a lot of normalfags react to it too. Like, a tremendous amount of people are in the same boat as you.
Many kids here had a bunch of out-of-touch boomer parents that lived in a time where you went down to the Automobile Association, filled in a basic babby tier questionnaire, and left with your license. Now in this country you have three tiers of tests to pass before you can drive with a "full". And when a kid inevitably fails, their boomer parents just fucking treat them like they're the biggest retard ever. They're just completely unable to understand the world has changed since then.
And feeling really fucking stupid is how a lot of normalfags react to it too. Like, a tremendous amount of people are in the same boat as you.
Many kids here had a bunch of out-of-touch boomer parents that lived in a time where you went down to the Automobile Association, filled in a basic babby tier questionnaire, and left with your license. Now in this country you have three tiers of tests to pass before you can drive with a "full". And when a kid inevitably fails, their boomer parents just fucking treat them like they're the biggest retard ever. They're just completely unable to understand the world has changed since then.
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>>261431
>>261433
>this can be miserable
Because you still reliant on their stupid normie mindframe. If they resent you not doing X, do it even less!!!
>it is to starve
Expectations are merely an illusion. The way of the wizard must thrive hidden from the sight of normies, usually against their idiotic desires and abuses without them knowing.
The schizoid type, I once read, is always tired due to overflow of unconscious energy (of stupid normie principles which got psychosomatically stuck within the body) that need to be deciphered. brought to light.
I think that sometimes there is now way: be afraid of consquences, or become one yourself.
>>261431
Openly ignoring them. Because if your mind tells you nothing to do, that is exactly what must be done: nothing. Let them rage.
>>261325
First of all: decipher your dreams. This might help you.
About every other thing I can only send you to investigate what holotropic breathwork actually is… as much as you must still know that your brains' contente is not the same as clean as you had it as a child, since schizoid minds do somatize things, creating crystals of stagnant energy inside their nervous system: that's why I constantly remind about detox diets here around.
Here: https://8chan.moe/pdfs/res/200.html
The sixth and seventh ones are specifically for these cases.
>pay attention or collapse
>>261433
>this can be miserable
Because you still reliant on their stupid normie mindframe. If they resent you not doing X, do it even less!!!
>it is to starve
Expectations are merely an illusion. The way of the wizard must thrive hidden from the sight of normies, usually against their idiotic desires and abuses without them knowing.
The schizoid type, I once read, is always tired due to overflow of unconscious energy (of stupid normie principles which got psychosomatically stuck within the body) that need to be deciphered. brought to light.
I think that sometimes there is now way: be afraid of consquences, or become one yourself.
>>261431
Openly ignoring them. Because if your mind tells you nothing to do, that is exactly what must be done: nothing. Let them rage.
>>261325
First of all: decipher your dreams. This might help you.
About every other thing I can only send you to investigate what holotropic breathwork actually is… as much as you must still know that your brains' contente is not the same as clean as you had it as a child, since schizoid minds do somatize things, creating crystals of stagnant energy inside their nervous system: that's why I constantly remind about detox diets here around.
Here: https://8chan.moe/pdfs/res/200.html
The sixth and seventh ones are specifically for these cases.
>pay attention or collapse
>>261816
Schizoids have no place in this world. I don't want friends or a girlfriend and I never did. The only thing that could maybe give me solace is live as a lighthouse keeper or a fire watch. Being free of all normal society and stress. I can't live in this world.
Schizoids have no place in this world. I don't want friends or a girlfriend and I never did. The only thing that could maybe give me solace is live as a lighthouse keeper or a fire watch. Being free of all normal society and stress. I can't live in this world.
This "boomer" shit only happens in retarded anglo countries, the rest of the world treats elders with respect and care, I would rather talk with a grandpa than with a fucking zoomer.
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>>261640
>>261658
Reading this scares me, i'm a wizkid like around 21 or so and life just feels so purposeless. I don't know why I should be alive, I tried so hard to figure out what's the end goal and if i'll get anything good at the end. The fact our bodies fail and we have to keep paying for shitty medications to stay in this hell is what pisses me off the most about life.
>>261658
Reading this scares me, i'm a wizkid like around 21 or so and life just feels so purposeless. I don't know why I should be alive, I tried so hard to figure out what's the end goal and if i'll get anything good at the end. The fact our bodies fail and we have to keep paying for shitty medications to stay in this hell is what pisses me off the most about life.
>>261824
Heh, I'm 26 and I wish I was 21 again, it doesn't matter how bad you have it now, when you're 26 like me your current situation will look like heaven.
Heh, I'm 26 and I wish I was 21 again, it doesn't matter how bad you have it now, when you're 26 like me your current situation will look like heaven.
>>261824
People can deal with life being purposeless. It is fun this way because you can look at yourself as the ultimate authority and do whatever you want. Be alive for the things you enjoy and want to do.
>The fact our bodies fail and we have to keep paying for shitty medications to stay in this hell is what pisses me off the most about life.
Yes, very annoying. Still you are young. Enjoy it and appreciate it if you don't have any health problems all the more.
>>261825
Don't scare the wizkid too much. Who knows, maybe his life will turn out okay or even fun. Everyone here lives in different circumstances and environments.
People can deal with life being purposeless. It is fun this way because you can look at yourself as the ultimate authority and do whatever you want. Be alive for the things you enjoy and want to do.
>The fact our bodies fail and we have to keep paying for shitty medications to stay in this hell is what pisses me off the most about life.
Yes, very annoying. Still you are young. Enjoy it and appreciate it if you don't have any health problems all the more.
>>261825
Don't scare the wizkid too much. Who knows, maybe his life will turn out okay or even fun. Everyone here lives in different circumstances and environments.
>>261826
>People can deal with life being purposeless
No, they can only try to ignore it. The moment your attention drifts from whatever shallow bit of hedonism you're presently occupying yourself with you'll go back to your baseline of feeling empty an unfulfilled. Which you are. You need a higher purpose in life in order to be happy.
>People can deal with life being purposeless
No, they can only try to ignore it. The moment your attention drifts from whatever shallow bit of hedonism you're presently occupying yourself with you'll go back to your baseline of feeling empty an unfulfilled. Which you are. You need a higher purpose in life in order to be happy.
>>261829
My experience in life directly disproves this. I'm happy right now and have long accepted that I have no purpose. I love that theres no purpose
My experience in life directly disproves this. I'm happy right now and have long accepted that I have no purpose. I love that theres no purpose
>>261822
Thats complete nonsense. I’m from t*rkey and boomers here are even worse than anglo countries. They religious fools that they ask you why you’re not married and have children randomly. Boomer sterotype is universal
Thats complete nonsense. I’m from t*rkey and boomers here are even worse than anglo countries. They religious fools that they ask you why you’re not married and have children randomly. Boomer sterotype is universal
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>>261832
How are you happy with no purpose? I don't get it man, I keep telling myself life is purposeless and I should enjoy it but I still feel fucking sad and shitty all the time. Maybe i'm really mentally ill and i'll never be happy.
How are you happy with no purpose? I don't get it man, I keep telling myself life is purposeless and I should enjoy it but I still feel fucking sad and shitty all the time. Maybe i'm really mentally ill and i'll never be happy.
>>261829
Sounds like your very own personal issue, not a universal one. Most people don't need a reason or purpose to live, including myself. A higher purpose makes you happy? So let's say we got divine revelation that the Ten Commandments and Christianity and all that are true/objective authority this very moment. Would that make you happy? I know it wouldn't make me happy at all, knowing that occasionally jerking off means my eternal torment in Hell. But I could bring up other examples. Like if we got decisive arguments and proof that communism or fascism is objectively true. Then what? Would you be working voluntarily on the fields because that is what a good communist must do? Or would you be signing up for military service because a good fascist must do things like that? I know I wouldn't.
See, needing a higher purpose is one of the biggest lies in human history. You don't need one, only if you don't respect yourself and want something "noble" you can sacrifice yourself for. And, ironically, what you say about needing a higher purpose in order to be happy…isn't that hedonism itself?
I'm not a hedonist, I'm an egoist. I don't really have a problem with mental suffering and anguish, these are natural parts of life. I have a problem with sacrificing myself for the brainfarts of some other people (politicians, religious leaders, philosophers) who didn't even know me. I know what I want to do and how I want to live and that's the end of the story.
>>261838
Not him, but happiness doesn't exist. First accept this. You can feel good from time to time but most of life is suffering, don't have false hopes and high expectations. That said, enduring suffering can be fun in its own way. Tragedies make life interesting. Your misery and depression are parts of your character. You can learn to appreciate them like I did.
Sounds like your very own personal issue, not a universal one. Most people don't need a reason or purpose to live, including myself. A higher purpose makes you happy? So let's say we got divine revelation that the Ten Commandments and Christianity and all that are true/objective authority this very moment. Would that make you happy? I know it wouldn't make me happy at all, knowing that occasionally jerking off means my eternal torment in Hell. But I could bring up other examples. Like if we got decisive arguments and proof that communism or fascism is objectively true. Then what? Would you be working voluntarily on the fields because that is what a good communist must do? Or would you be signing up for military service because a good fascist must do things like that? I know I wouldn't.
See, needing a higher purpose is one of the biggest lies in human history. You don't need one, only if you don't respect yourself and want something "noble" you can sacrifice yourself for. And, ironically, what you say about needing a higher purpose in order to be happy…isn't that hedonism itself?
I'm not a hedonist, I'm an egoist. I don't really have a problem with mental suffering and anguish, these are natural parts of life. I have a problem with sacrificing myself for the brainfarts of some other people (politicians, religious leaders, philosophers) who didn't even know me. I know what I want to do and how I want to live and that's the end of the story.
>>261838
Not him, but happiness doesn't exist. First accept this. You can feel good from time to time but most of life is suffering, don't have false hopes and high expectations. That said, enduring suffering can be fun in its own way. Tragedies make life interesting. Your misery and depression are parts of your character. You can learn to appreciate them like I did.
>>261815
That's a good way to dismiss the issue at hand as fabricated and therefor not something to be upset about. A good "cope" if you will.
That's a good way to dismiss the issue at hand as fabricated and therefor not something to be upset about. A good "cope" if you will.
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Sometimes people just say a single word and my brain reacts by bringing back a dozen negative emotional memories from my past. They aren't big events but the intensity of the negative emotions is amplified by the current depressed state.
Then there's all this stuff about not resisting or trying to bury the thoughts, and to just sit through them and endure. But it goes on for hours the brain causing physical reactions and pain, all because of one context or subject that came up.
Retard emotional brain.
Then there's all this stuff about not resisting or trying to bury the thoughts, and to just sit through them and endure. But it goes on for hours the brain causing physical reactions and pain, all because of one context or subject that came up.
Retard emotional brain.
>>261839
Not that wiz but what exactly can you learn to appreciate from misery and depression?
Not that wiz but what exactly can you learn to appreciate from misery and depression?
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Living in a tiny house with people you dont like sucks.
>>261867
Yeah, I have a lot of words and things ruined by this, some of them so commonplace that you would think it would eventually wear off.
Yeah, I have a lot of words and things ruined by this, some of them so commonplace that you would think it would eventually wear off.
>>261934
I love myself even in my darkest and most depressing moments too. It is mine, it is my very own experience and nobody can take it away from me. I learned to appreciate myself in my suffering, pain and misery. If my joys and bright moments are my parts then so are my moments when I suffer extreme pain of any sort. They make me complete. Without them I would be a completely different person.
I love myself even in my darkest and most depressing moments too. It is mine, it is my very own experience and nobody can take it away from me. I learned to appreciate myself in my suffering, pain and misery. If my joys and bright moments are my parts then so are my moments when I suffer extreme pain of any sort. They make me complete. Without them I would be a completely different person.
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I'm finally moving out from my toxic family this Sunday, I'm still scared of living on my own, all that cooking, cleaning and other stuff, but it's still better than living with my family.
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>>261988
I hope you'll manage to adapt to living alone and be finally at peace, best of luck wizzie
I hope you'll manage to adapt to living alone and be finally at peace, best of luck wizzie
>>261988
It's really not that hard. Normalfags think it is because they have families to clean up after, and need to have their homes looking perfect so they can keep up with the jones', and need to feed 4 mouths. Taking care of just yourself is easy and 100% worth leaving a trashpit family.
t. left his trashpit family
It's really not that hard. Normalfags think it is because they have families to clean up after, and need to have their homes looking perfect so they can keep up with the jones', and need to feed 4 mouths. Taking care of just yourself is easy and 100% worth leaving a trashpit family.
t. left his trashpit family
Using instacart to have my groceries delivered always makes me feel extra guilty to be NEET.
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>>262000
Ordering pizza with bux and a little old immigrant man delivering it makes me feel bad about the world, but then I guess eat the pizza and forget.
Ordering pizza with bux and a little old immigrant man delivering it makes me feel bad about the world, but then I guess eat the pizza and forget.
>>261987
I am glad you have learned to love yourself, I'm not really sure if this line of thinking can be applied to somebody who is severely depressed though. I hate the moments when I feel miserable and I wish I could find peace instead, my peace doesn't have to be completely happy but I want peace nonetheless. This isn't a crazy or absurd goal, is it?
I am glad you have learned to love yourself, I'm not really sure if this line of thinking can be applied to somebody who is severely depressed though. I hate the moments when I feel miserable and I wish I could find peace instead, my peace doesn't have to be completely happy but I want peace nonetheless. This isn't a crazy or absurd goal, is it?
>>262010
Same. I used to be obsessed with videogames. But now I just get bored by everything. Not even anime helps. All I do now is lurk on the stupid internet all day.
Same. I used to be obsessed with videogames. But now I just get bored by everything. Not even anime helps. All I do now is lurk on the stupid internet all day.
You are a sad becourse still just a man. Transcend your masculine cage to unlock the euphoria of male feminity and be one with the divine gods of beauty which are both male and female.
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>>260790
I think i'm gonna give up this time, I tried so hard to fight this battle with my mental illness, tried to get help so many times and bug people with my problems. I'm always a downer to others so I rather just shut myself and rot now, accept my fucking illness and suffer until everything ends. It fucking sucks I couldn't find a fucking way to be happy and content, my only option is to push through the suffering or die now.
I think i'm gonna give up this time, I tried so hard to fight this battle with my mental illness, tried to get help so many times and bug people with my problems. I'm always a downer to others so I rather just shut myself and rot now, accept my fucking illness and suffer until everything ends. It fucking sucks I couldn't find a fucking way to be happy and content, my only option is to push through the suffering or die now.
I hate teenagers, especially on the imageboards. I hate seeing their stupid posts and I hate seeing their stupid threads.
The older I get the more I despise them but there is no escape from their inane faggotry.
Literally every community on the interwebs is swarming with their kind.
This makes me depressed more than anything because I spend most of my time online. This thread is no exception.
The older I get the more I despise them but there is no escape from their inane faggotry.
Literally every community on the interwebs is swarming with their kind.
This makes me depressed more than anything because I spend most of my time online. This thread is no exception.
everything i try to do turns to utter shit. Today a plastic thing from the razor fell into the sink drain. I thought that it shouldn't be that hard to take it out. Just take out the U pipe underneath the sink for a second, take the thing out and put it back. I managed to pull the entire thing down and had to shamefully call my brother to help me fix it. Hes gonna come tomorrow, but I still need to retell this story to four of my roommates when they come home from work and endure their comments. I feel so fucking useless
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I was going to post about starting a support group discord or something for low-functioning wizard NEETs. I checked out some old discord channels I'd visited a year or so ago meant to help NEETs and had people dedicated to helping one another in a positive atmosphere; they had all closed because they couldn't keep a supportive and calm space with huge influxes of chan culture and young crabs.
They were more organized and had patient people who would message you to make sure you were achieving your goals. Even they couldn't maintain something in the face of the angry chan teenager locust horde, it's amusing in a doomed way.
They were more organized and had patient people who would message you to make sure you were achieving your goals. Even they couldn't maintain something in the face of the angry chan teenager locust horde, it's amusing in a doomed way.
>>262023
Depression is a choice, I learned it. It is just being unhappy. And why are people unhappy? Because they can't get what they want. What do you want? Let go of that desire and be at peace.
It's not crazy or absurd if that is your goal. For myself, I don't want peace and happiness.
Depression is a choice, I learned it. It is just being unhappy. And why are people unhappy? Because they can't get what they want. What do you want? Let go of that desire and be at peace.
It's not crazy or absurd if that is your goal. For myself, I don't want peace and happiness.
>>262071
I want to be perfect. Right off the bat that isn't achievable. I cannot trust myself to aim just short of perfection either. I also don't want to settle for mediocrity, but I suppose everybody settles for it at some point in their lives. So I want to be healthy. I don't know where to start.
I want to be perfect. Right off the bat that isn't achievable. I cannot trust myself to aim just short of perfection either. I also don't want to settle for mediocrity, but I suppose everybody settles for it at some point in their lives. So I want to be healthy. I don't know where to start.
>>261821
I don't care. Some things are to be forcibly taken, possibly as soon as you get rid of whatever stresses you, let it be by running or sabotaging it down
I don't care. Some things are to be forcibly taken, possibly as soon as you get rid of whatever stresses you, let it be by running or sabotaging it down
>>262081
Remember the posts. Where the healthcare section at endchan, lots of PDFs.
>Ehret, Nagumo, Reíd
This is the start: To cleanse the brain, then the mind follows. It takes time.
Remember the posts. Where the healthcare section at endchan, lots of PDFs.
>Ehret, Nagumo, Reíd
This is the start: To cleanse the brain, then the mind follows. It takes time.
>>262080
I believe everyone can do it. But it requires a big change of attitude and mindset. You have to accept that this world can't provide happiness to you. Stop relying on it. You have to rely on yourself. Make yourself happy.
But first of all, ask yourself: do you even want to be happy? Or would you rather stick to your desires and ego? Desires that attach you to this unreliable and unpredictable existence, are you ready to get rid of them?
>>262081
Do you want to be "perfect"/"healthy" or happy? That is the question you should ask yourself. To be happy you have to let go of your goals and plans. To be happy means you are content with who you are.
I believe everyone can do it. But it requires a big change of attitude and mindset. You have to accept that this world can't provide happiness to you. Stop relying on it. You have to rely on yourself. Make yourself happy.
But first of all, ask yourself: do you even want to be happy? Or would you rather stick to your desires and ego? Desires that attach you to this unreliable and unpredictable existence, are you ready to get rid of them?
>>262081
Do you want to be "perfect"/"healthy" or happy? That is the question you should ask yourself. To be happy you have to let go of your goals and plans. To be happy means you are content with who you are.
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i wish i had a chance. i didnt live my life. im different, im very lucky to have been made like this. but also i was born in a very deep abyss, a prison or a torture cell. its like i never existed even though i did. i dont know, i dont know how to express myself. i wish i could start it over. i wish there were something after death. i wish my essence wont be destroyed by death. i wish i could reincarnate in this world or another, i wish i were free. i dont know. i had a purpose but i did not fulfill it. i had a life but i didnt live it. im very lucky, very very lucky, i won the lottery of lotteries when i was made like this, but its like i never got to claim the prize. i dont know. im afraid of death. i dont want to die. i hope death isnt the end. im afraid. i want to live my life. i want to show whats inside me. its infinite and it can do anything. i want to share it. i want to be myself. i dont know. i cant express what i want to say. im sorry. sorry.
>>262099
For a long time I believed that achieving good health and being the perfect/best version of myself would lead to a permanent state of happiness. Probably naive in hindsight, I don't need to be perfect to be happy. I was born with this body, with this mind, I should, at the very least, learn to accept myself for who I am. I don't have many friends but I could be a very good friend to myself, if I tried.
>>262091
Thanks for the recommendations. I'll check them out.
For a long time I believed that achieving good health and being the perfect/best version of myself would lead to a permanent state of happiness. Probably naive in hindsight, I don't need to be perfect to be happy. I was born with this body, with this mind, I should, at the very least, learn to accept myself for who I am. I don't have many friends but I could be a very good friend to myself, if I tried.
>>262091
Thanks for the recommendations. I'll check them out.
I slurred my speech again on alcoholic drinks. Anything I can do to cope I guess. God I'm a degenerated fuck. In a funk I think. Declined on meth but regretting it, anyone else defo addicted and trying fo stay clean?. No more booze tonight…. god damn whisky knocked me on my ass again, just now coming down off, no librium or nothing
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